#never too late to turn into a girl
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A big part of turning 21 and going through that whole thing really was realizing that the idealistic friendship dynamics I’ve always daydreamed over in my head don’t exist & that in reality most friendships you’ll cultivate in your life will be a series of compromises. And maybe like 1 to 3 ride or die friends at BEST that shit is so rare and it gets rarer the older I am
#And I’ve always been a friendship girl like I’m a hopeless romantic but I’m just as much if not more of a hopeless platonic#I’ve really had to temper my expectations lately and honestly I’ve also been sequestering myself more as a result of it#Idk if I’m adjusting to this revelation well tbh I feel like I’m disillusioned w most of my friends lately#And it causes me to burn out and be a shitty friend to them in turn too#It’s just a never ending cycle of me not admitting to myself that maybe that glove doesn’t fit#And I’m quite literally forcing it onto my hand and it’s cutting off my circulation#But I’m too sentimental of my glove to just stop wearing it . Idk if this makes any sense but it does in my head
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the desire to do comms vs my inability to remember that i got a message FIGHT-
#its like 'oh a message! i will respond later'#and then later never comes cause i have no damn object permanence Or working memory#then its like... what do i even say#'hi sorry i ghosted your simple question for two days i forgot you messaged me' AGH#or especially lately#i mean to do things and then i get a New piece of distressing information about the way my life is going#which then consumes my thoughts and leaves no room for anything else#ahaha thanks! ill claw my eyes out now!! wow!!! FUCK!#trying to keep up the things i enjoy is. so tough rn#but ill flounder w/o em so! hard work that i am mostly failing at but i Keep Trying#yes i wanna do comms. yes i wanna draw. yes i wanna talk to people. can i? mmmmm......#can't wait for this chapter in my life to be over. goddamn.#ive been in a perpetual state of intense stress since early childhood#but my fucking duck things lately have been taking the cake#absolutely unprompted#oh no this is turning into a vent post Look Away#well my mother called again last night and was all 'im getting you a car'#and uh. i started physically shaking while profusely thanking her (lying through me teeth)#GIRL!!! I DONT NEED A CAR THATS TOO MUCH RN!!!#she's always mentioning how the collective We are tight on money#and that rn i need to focus on making decisions and getting a job ill hold for like. a month#and then she slams this down outta left field??? thats so much extra stress i dont need right now???#now i gotta worry about parking and maintaining it and gas money i dont have And And And-#i cant exactly tell her Dont Fucking Do That bc then she'll blow up in my face and call me inconsiderate & ungrateful again#me and my stepdad dont have the fucking TIME to get one! and then she was like 'oh i can always come down to help'#please dont. do not do that. i cant deal with you in person right now that sounds hellish#anyway. case in point#cant even think about messages and stuff i Want to think about bc all this bullshit is taking up my entire mind#metaphorically slamming my face into a brick wall till theres nothing left. aaaghhahsbkjadadj#its too much its Too Much everything is so much and its too much and can i be let be for two fuckin seconds please
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i havent seen mha since i was like 13, is uraraka and blood girl yuri canon?
technically no but to me yeah it very much is but tragically
#it's complicated. so like toga is obviously in love with uraraka#and they end up over the course of the series having several complex moments that result in uraraka realizing she's just another teen girl#and she wants to save her she starts really empathizing with toga#this culminated in their part of the final war arc#wherein they're fighting and toga's upset about like. society and heroes as per#talking about how everyone just wants her dead cause of her quirk and whatnot#uraraka is telling her she wants to talk to her and that she's sorry for not understanding earlier#toga is saying it's too late and uraraka just continues telling her she wishes she knew what happened to her when she was younger#and she tells toga she has a lovely smile and then tells her she wants to give toga her blood for the rest of her life#and that she wants the two of them to talk about romance. and that she wants to touch that sadness deep inside toga#toga stabs uraraka at some point so she's bleeding pretty bad and also they're in the sky cause of uraraka's quirk#and then uraraka tells toga she's the cutest girl in the world and passes out midair#and when they hit the ground and toga can see she'll probably die she decides to drink some of uraraka's blood to turn into her#so she can give her a blood transfusion and save her life. she says smth#like “what if I had found a love that made me want to give blood sooner? I think it would've been much easier to live in this world”#and she passes out next to uraraka and says “I'm himiko toga and I lived exactly how I wanted to”#this presumably kills her. she is never found after the final battle#but you can see why I think it should count as canon and REQUITED given that uraraka verbally reciprocates#all of toga's standard ways of talking about love and romance#like. giving and taking blood IS romantic to toga. so why is uraraka offering her blood to toga🤨🤨🤨#uraraka then in the epilogue as a pro hero apparently does lots of quirk counseling work. um. crazy#alo apparently they were created and written for each other. so#blood girl yuri!!#ask#supercoolswampert#hi hanaan!
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I would make such a good jane doe. My life would make me so easy to disappear!!!!
#for real#i have a feeling that it would take at least a week for anyone to be genuinely worried#and even then#theyd probably think ill turn up in a week or two#a few states over with some girl id just met at a show or something#it would probably be two weeks before anyone would genuinely think im like disappeared disappeared#and then it would likely be too late to do anything about it <3#god i want someone to make me disappear#not even in a hot way#just make sure that my body or body parts are never found again
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I've only been asked for my pronouns once I think and I just replied "Um. Whatever. Any." which is tbh fairly accurate, but I never saw the person again and I wonder what they used for meeee
#went to a Schulfest#and it was a idk. 8th grader? who was wearing they/them pronoun pins#and I was wearing my MCR shirt and apparently they went to one of their concerts as well so we talked about that#ANYWAYS I never asked what pronouns they use. Like. In german. Bestie do you want me to say they/them in german as well?#dey/deren ??#too late unfortunately I never saw them again#doddie redet#Was clocked as nonbinary / not cis twice in my life tho#bc in Berufsschule somebody referred to me as cat girl and somebody else (probably not cis het either) turned to me and went#'...girl? question mark?'#and i just went 'eeeeeh' and did the 'kinda' handwiggle#so technically i came out twice irl! wild. was so sure I'd never done that.#Well I didn't EXPLICITLY come out. But those are close enough to count I think.
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#dnd character#dnd#ocs#kyllu swifly#tiefling#im too tired to put a caption so enjoy this captionless art#i got my drawing tablet out for the first time in like a year!#yay!!#im officially doing artfight bc better late than never#and im editing my characters before i start on attacks#so i warmed up by coloring an old-ish sketch of my girl <3#im so glad i remember how to do art though! and that my old tablet still works <3#i got a new fancier one but my old bamboo tablet is still my pride and joy#it feels like home <3#im super happy with how the coloring turned out on this though#i love my lil circus tiefling so much <3 kyllu ily and youre my best friend forever and ever#fluffle art#havent used that tag in a while lol
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Listening to a breakup song and imagining The Characters except when it gets to the line about cheating I black out and imagine it's about murder instead
#my unhealthy fictional relationships would never cheat but one would commit war crimes while other would turn a blind until it was too late#so current example is logical#olivia rodrigo#i'm sure that girl is really your friend -> i'm sure you had a totally valid reason for killing that guy
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me accidentally making myself paranoid in the stupidest way possible
#➳ the fool speaks#watching a video of someone rating and talking about a book from a genre that was literally created to be gorey and gross#[ insert all of the cws listed at the start of the video ] that sign won't stop me because i won't feel paranoid in the slightest until the#exact second i close this video after the 44 minutes of it#they didn't get too into detail but guh . plus it's late and that tends to turn my brain into mush when it comes to#''this is a Fictional Fiction Not-Reality Book featuring events that have Never Happened and people that have Never Existed''#world's silliest girl when it comes to avoiding shit that triggers xer.. what. paranoia doesn't feel like quite the right term#whatever it is
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Bro tbh i started playing boarderlands 3 like a month ago as well as boarderlands 2 ( cus of the beautiful sale it had) and I've been juggling my time back and forth between games and comparing how they're written
BL2 feels much more better than BL3, i mean bl3 is more recent but what the fuck is this writing 😭😭😭??? Visuals I absolutely LOVE and sliding on floors too but DUDEEEE???? ☠️☠️ Like.. Aurelia so different in BL3 compared to Boarderlands the pre sequel, I absolutely love and have a thing for downright mean women but this is a waste killing her off (Like she didn't even shoot Alistair on the head girl SHE SHOT HIM ON HIS SIDE so he can still live atleast) also I haven't progressed so far in the story but Ava is just ☠️☠️☠️ when Maya died this mf was so infuriating oml
#never too late to play boarderlandsss ✊✊#girl aurelia is giving me wanda lol#In wandavision WANDA was supposed to have some development after sending a shit ton of people thru trama#and when she came back she turned into a villain-villain fr ong bruh#its like the same w/ Aurelia#LIKE THIS WOMAN KEPT ON DEGRADING ME EVERY STEP I TAKE INTO THE JAKOBS ESTATE ONLY TO SELL ME OFF-#case of bad writing#☠️#Aurelia Hammerlock#Boarderlands 3#gearbox???????#ava???#AVA
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Gotta say, nothing will ever motivate you to throw literally everything away quite like finding a bed bug @ 12:30am on a Sunday night
#I've accumulated so many things. and I just don't throw them away or give them away bc there's always some weird thought attached to it#'oh I can't throw that torn skirt away I could probably fix it' (hasn't tried once in well over a year)#'I can't donate that humidifier my mom gave that to me' (hasn't been turned on in over 2 years)#so many crafts I've picked up and gave up on. so many bits and bobs I've been given that I've never even touched.#I'm always like what if I'll need this someday! 😶 girl be fr#sighhhhhhhh#anyways I have an exterminator coming over to inspect on Tuesday#fingers crossed that they find nothing and I don't have to find $2000 to pay for this to be fixed#and I can go forward being more cautious and way more grateful for my usual way of living#the day I can put sheets and comforters and more than one!!! pillow on my bed. god. tearing up just thinking abt it#the bug place receptionist was so sweet and she was like 'don't burn your stuff!' I was like girl you are too late for that.#I'm going scorched earth on my room rn
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that was AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#physics exam in the LIBRARY w year 10s and 13s. then they forgot my namewhen they were calling the seats#turns out i was sitting right in the middle of the y13s but at least She was bheind me#She stole my pen LMAO idc tho Shes Her. wtvr#THEN they start 5 mins late and its already an exam that runs after skl.#then the questions were AWFUL like holy fuck i have never seen that in my LIFE what the shit#then we finished @ 3:20 and then i RAN home and my siblings were stuck outside 4 40 mins bc neither o them had their keys..#they KNEW i would be runninh late so thats theri fault#i almost had a coughing fit too#BUT. considering all of the above and the fact i didnt sleep till 3am and my tummy anf ear are being EVIL#i did good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11#also what the FUCK does a diode do i dont get it#EDIT: MY MUMS MAD BC I TOLD HER I DINT FINISH 2 QS#DGBIRDKFVJBGITREFKJB#GIRL TRY AND MEMORISE THE DEFINITONS AND EQUATIONS FOR HEAT LATENCY 5 MINS B4 THE EXAMS anywayzzzzzzzzzzz#my brothers getting a iphone 4 eid bro#im getting NOTHING LMAOOOOOO#whatd he do that i dint.................................................................anywayz idc#but i need to find my phone LOL#ok bye
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u ever get that like emotional paralysis of doing things Only For Fun but ur like Fearing Ur Own Potential Cringe despite being in the privacy of ur own home and no one’s even seeing what ur up to
#like rn ive had a vague thing in my head like a lil almost fic idea#but just kinda concept not really a full thing#so im telling myself ok. just jot it down as it's coming.#doesnt have 2 be a full story. no one else ever has 2 see it. just do it as an exercise a warm up just get the ideas down in flow#and i looked at the blank page and went @-@ no this is embarassing#girl to who!!!!!#it's not even an embarrassing or sensitive topic#im just. scared for Some Reason ldjfd#maybe im scared bc it is characters ive never written and a fandom ive not really written from#except a partial wip#lol im scared of my own shadow judging my activities i guess!!!!!!!!#is this why i havent finished the other wips too#i had a slight breakthru with one the other day but#even tho i think im unblocked on that one now im. scared to try to progress#scared of it turning out 'bad' i guess????#is it bc im constatnly hearing other peoples negative self talk about#not feeling perfect at stuff or w/e#and im like absorbing it#theres def uhhh some negativity from a few people in my life that i think is#hghghghg Getting To Me Lately#but indirectly yknow. like not hating on me#but hating on themselves / doing self destructive things#but by constantly tellin me about it + me being in that space has me like ohhhhhhh nooooo im reverting back to my paaaaaaaaaaaast#or perhaps not a full 'past' but kinda that come and go phases#whatever idk if this makes sense outside of my brain but it makes sense to ME
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Here's an update on the Otona PreCure '23 news: It'll touch upon the heroines of Yes! PreCure 5 and Mahoutsukai PreCure as adults.
I have no issues reguarding MahouPre, as it is one of my favourite seasons because I absolutely love witchy shit, and the Kamikita Twins' manga was certainly gayer than the anime.
YESPRE, ON THE OTHER HAND...
...that is another season alongside H*gtto that I just outright refuse to watch and accept as part of its main catalogue, because of Nozomi+Coco and Komachi+Nuts. Not only Coco and Nuts were mascots, they were also much older than the girls as humans. I hope I don't have to explain how wrong is this, do I?
If Toei actually cares, if they actually show some sort of change, I want them to beat the p*dophilia allegations. I want to see Nozomi and Komachi (as well as Coco and Nuts) to realize the blunder of their past actions and come to terms on how unhealthy their relationships were.
Redeem yourselves, Toei.
Adapt. Improve. Overcome.
#magical girl#it's never too late to turn back on your decisions y'know.#redeem yourselves toei animation.#show some dignity.
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im alsp seepy but i cant sleep bc my HAIRS WET!! luckily it dries quicker now Due to rhe haircut but still looking at a 2 hour situation... but also i dont feel like gaming. i might cook I guess. or i could watch el movie 😏 but id have 2 get my laptop and likee. yk.. i could watch downstaurs but id have to be sure my roommates r Fully fully asleep bc i dont have headphones for my laptop (i have my phone headphones but i hate the abominable fucking thinks) so id have to just have that shit open to the elements. rawdogging the sound. caint do that if my roommates are up!
#but at the same tkme what if i want 2 cook bc my laptops so damn quiet i caint cook and watch somethin at the same time#bc i cannot fuckjng hear.#its a harsh world for a beautiful girl (me)#AND MY GF IS GONNA BE AT WORK ALL DAY TMRW ITS AAAACTUALLY EVIL. LIKE NOT HIS FAULT#but its like a 7:30-4 at his first job and then like a 4-11 or somethiny at his second#BUT. on the plys side its his last day at starbucks yayyy yayyyyy#whym i silly mode sry guys something has come over me. something fiercely. i fr feel so silly..#maybe ill go check the mail :]#oughh also if i go downstairs at all i have t find clothes this is evil#none of my clothes are comfortable anymore i think somebody wicked has done something to them#even my like safe clorhes havent been good. might have t throw on my srupid stupid evil dress with the ripped neckline#bc its so damn comfy And always there for me#but also everytime i see the neckline i get so sad#one day when im not depressed anymore <- this will never happen but when it does. i willl sew something with that thang... or at least just#refinish the neck. since i tore it up so bsd#and it was on purpose. bc there was a hole jn the neckline and it annoyed me and i THOUGHT i could just tear the hem off real easy. as it#turns out No i couldn't. andnits baddddd. bad bsd bad. horrific#i shoulda just left it but ohhh well. too late naow
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Just realised I’m at work for a training day on what will probably be day 1 of my period. And I have a shift booked on day 3. Haaaaaaaa
#the second shift i MIGHT manage to survive but the first one……#not sure if can welcome customers into reserve while my uterus is trying to murder me and my back feels like i have been hit repeatedly#with spanners. it just doesn’t seem realistic#i’d cancel but then i’d get asked why i don’t want to/can’t do that training and i don’t know if i can come up with an adequate excuse#i’ve died. i have an appointment. my feet fell off. i don’t like people. i’ve only just figured out the café and if i have to learn a new#section i’m going to turn into a pillar of non-kosher salt and we can’t do anything with that really#…actually none of those options sound bad as such. i’m just too wimpy to cancel shifts#like my manager is on this whole ‘you can turn down any shift! you’re on a zero hours contract and you’re not obligated to work any hours’#but like girl is that true. who can be sure. certainly not me#all i really know is i hope i’m either early or late. like i never thought i’d say this but another 17 day cycle would be amazing right now#…except it wouldn’t because that’d mean it’d arrive tomorrow and i’d definitely have a bad experience on tuesday#WHEN WILL I WIN#personal
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bruh
#idk WHAT i did to deserve this bad karma but like. the universe really said 'fuck this girl in particular' oh my god#*deep breath*#so yesterday during our company holiday party i got the call that my mom was going to the hospital#i work an hour and a half away from home so by the time i was able to leave the party and come home it was super late#i liver in northern california which if you haven't heard the news is due for a BATSHIT INSANE CYCLONE STORM#so all the roads are fucking closed and everyone is freaking out#turns out my mom has pneumonia in her right lung and can't breathe but ON TOP of that there's some other weird shit going on#so they admitted her to stay overnight#but- here's the FUCKING KICKER#my mom was born with type 1 diabetes so she needs insulin to like. live.#but apparently the doctors REFUSED to let her change her insulin pump because THEY wanted to be in control of ministering insulin#in order to track the other thyroid levels that were off to begin with#but then someone fucked up and long story short they just. never ordered insulin overnight??#her blood sugar went SUPER HIGH#eventually they got her some insulin and she's fine but like. that's literal malpractice#so ANYWAY mom's in the hospital and like. even BEFORE the hospital and the storm my work has been KICKING MY ASS#i have 3 overdue projects and too much on my plate. i'm drowning.#now i have to take time off work to be with my mom and ALSO!!!#since my mom is now in the hospital i will also need to drive my sister to college which is 4 hours away#so now i'm missing work and driving 8 hours during the worst cyclone storm that has literally out-scaled the scaling system#oh and also we've been living in an airbnb for the last 4 months so LOL every single rain coat umbrella and rainboots i own are in storage#girl idk what to do but i'm SUFFERING
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