#nicole lapera

[positiveupwardspiral]

"Active communication doesn't assume someone can read our minds or 'just know' what we're upset about," psychologist and bestselling author Nicole LePera recently wrote on Twitter. "People cannot know what we are feeling until we communicate that, clearly."

Here are some examples of active communication:

- "I felt hurt when this happened."

- "I don't like feeling pressured to do this."

- "I need more notice. It's important for me to plan things like this."

- "I get frustrated when I get interrupted."

- "Can you please ask me before making this type of decision?"

- "That's not funny to me. Please stop."

Of course, it's important to use tone and tact in such conversations. Be kind, yet firm.

[the-crazymedicinelady]

What to do when you've been triggered

[the-forest-library]

March 2024 Reads

The Mystery Guest - Nita Prose

A Love Song for Ricki Wilde - Tia Williams

This is How You Fall in Love - Anika Hussain

The Getaway List - Emma Lord

Cancelled - Farrah Penn

Friends Don't Fall in Love - Erin Hahn

The Someday Daughter - Ellen O'Clover

We Got the Beat - Jenna Miller

This Day Changes Everything - Edward Underhill

A Tale of Two Princes - Eric Geron

Once a Queen - Sarah Arthur

The Magicians of Caprona - Dianna Wynne Jones

The Wicker King - K. Antrum

The Eyes and the Impossible - Dave Eggers

A First Time for Everything - Dan Santat

60 Songs That Explain the 90s - Rob Harvilla

Welcome to the O.C. - Alan Sepinwall

Mother Hunger - Kelly McDaniel

All in Her Head - Elizabeth Come

How to Be the Love You Seek - Nicole LaPera

Your Pocket Therapist - Annie Zimmerman

And How Does That Make You Feel? - Joshua Fletcher

How to ADHD - Jessica McCabe

This Book May Save Your Life - Karan Rajan

Women Food and Hormones - Sara Gottfried

Practical Optimism - Sue Varma

Languishing - Corey Keyes

Private Equity - Carrie Sun

The World Deserves My Children - Natasha Leggero

Big Bites - Kat Ashmore

Bold = Highly Recommend Italics = Worth It Crossed out = Nope

Thoughts: 

The Eyes and the Impossible was, by far, the standout of the month. Told from the point of view of Johannes, a free dog living in an urban park (a thinly veiled Golden Gate Park in San Fransisco), who keeps the other animals in the park updated on the ongoings in the park. Featuring birds, and woodland creatures, and bison, and goats, and humans who change everything.

Dave Eggers wrote one of my all-time favorite books, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, and I have avoided reading any of his subsequent works for fear that they would be disappointing. I took a chance on this one since it's middle grade and quite a departure from his other works, and I'm so glad I did.

Goodreads Goal: 108/200

2017 Reads | 2018 Reads | 2019 Reads | 2020 Reads | 2021 Reads | 

2022 Reads | 2023 Reads | 2024 Reads

[whisperairwatchmebloom]

@ok-ak ily thanks for the tagggg 💞

Just read: All Down Darkness wide a memoir by Sean Hewitt about his experience growing up gay in Ireland and experiencing having a suicidal partner in early adulthood. Honestly 5/5 a very poignant and lyrical book, the writing was absolutely gorgeous.

Also Just Read: How to Do the Work by Nicole LaPera (theholisticpsychologist on Insta!). And by “just read” I mean I’ve been stopping and starting this one since 2021 😭 I finally finished it this weekend! It’s a self help book about how you can be your own therapist and fully actualize in order to create community with those around you. 3.75/5 cause there’s lots to learn from this one it was just a little tedious at times.

Up next: Rule of Wolves by Leigh Bardugo queennnn of fantasy writing. This is the latest book in the Grishaverse which has the six of crows duology and the Shadow and Bone trilogy. I’m completely obsessed with this world of writing and can’t wait to close this one out before season 2 of shadow and bone comes out.

I taggg @sea-wolfe @fettywad @teamsoftserve

@possum-tooth @waitingforgodherself let the people know what you’re reading!

[two-for-luck]

People say healing is hard. So is chronic people pleasing. So is living out past patterns. So is the exhaustion of dysfunctional relationships. Not healing is also hard.

Nicole LaPera

[dominiquealston]

The Romanticism of Emotional Neglect

Recently, one of my old favorite songs came to mind; Have You Ever by Brandy. I played it on repeat until I got deep in my feelings. I was so overcome with emotions that I had to stop listening to the track just to get my head back on straight. That same evening, I saw a tweet by Dr. Nicole LaPera that said, “Romanticizing relationships where there’s consistent emotional neglect is the foundation…

[thepursuitofunderstanding]

One can only be as connected to others as they are to themselves.

Dr. Nicole LaPera, How to do the Work

[breannasfluff]

“Mental health experts and advocates are drawing parallels between the Madrigal family members and the seven inner child archetypes formulated by psychologist Nicole LaPera. These archetypes include:

Caretaker—gains self-worth through nurturing others but often neglects their own self-care

Overachiever—believes they can only receive love through success and external achievements

Underachiever—attempts to be invisible to avoid criticism and the shame of failing

Rescuer/Protector—focuses on helping others as a way to avoid their own vulnerability

Life of the Party—never shows pain and tries to make everyone around them happy

Yes-Person—always focused on serving others’ needs, while sacrificing their own

Hero-Worshipper—looks toward others as a role model rather than listening to their inner wisdom”

[itsonlynaturale]

May I love myself today. May I forgive past versions of myself. May I remember I was born whole, worthy, + complete. May I remember that I am a living miracle. May I see the beauty in all things + accept the heartbreak, too. May I find surrender in the ebbs + flow of life as I learn that all is in divine timing ❤️Dr Nicole LaPera

[the-crazymedicinelady]

THIS is how to teach yourself to have glimmers

[asfeedin]

Does The Pandemic Have You Doing A Little Soul Searching? The Holistic Psychologist Explains Re-Parenting And How It Can Benefit Us All

Let’s face it. Many of us had childhoods that weren’t ideal. The main reason being is that our parents themselves had unresolved emotional issues that they then passed along to us. Now that we are being forced to take a pause in life (whether we like it or not) with the pandemic, an opportunity presents itself to turn inwards to heal old wounds that to some degree we all carry and use this as a chance to grow personally.

Little Girl Crying With Shadow Of Parents Arguing

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I discovered Dr. Nicole LePera, also known as ‘The Holistic Psychologist’ on Instagram through a friend of mine. Her posts about ego, anxiety, codependency, and trauma resonated with me (and millions of others). As her tagline would suggest, LePera is a psychologist who acknowledges the mind and body connection. She blends her traditional training from Cornell University and The New School to offer insights that are relatable while teaching people that they can heal themselves.

“I do not work with clients,” LePera tells me. “I run a self-guided healing membership (the next one opens up May 1st) for people who want to go on their own healing journey.  I teach people the tools that bring healing in many different ways, and encourage them to use the practices that they connect with the most.  The core concepts I teach are: ego work, inner child work, re-parenting, and body (nervous system healing).  It’s important for people to understand that we are all self-healers, and if we do the work, we can truly transform.” 

For those unfamiliar with the concept of re-parenting, it is a technique used in psychotherapy where the therapist acts as a parent to the client so that they can heal from past attachment trauma.

“The way I teach re-parenting is being your own inner wise parent,” says LaPera. “That means beginning to speak to yourself in different ways, making different choices, and honoring your needs.  As children, our core needs were to be seen and heard.  Few of us truly had this experience, so re-parenting is the act of beginning to understand ourselves in a new way and beginning to meet our needs now that we have the awareness as adults to do so.”

LePera explains to me that this is applicable to just about everyone since our parents are human and have their own unresolved trauma.  LePera continues, “Just like we inherit eye color and hair color, we inherit behaviors, patterns, and beliefs from our parents that don’t always serve us as adults.  Re-parenting helps us to become aware of these things, and slowly with time and practice, release these patterns and become more physically and emotionally healthy.” 

Since therapy is seen as somewhat of a luxury both in terms of time and cost, I really appreciate LePera’s candor that people can do the work themselves if they commit to it. 

“Re-parenting can be done by ourselves every day,” she tells me. “We can also use re-parenting tools within therapy.  If we are doing work with a professional, it’s important to also do this work daily in our own lives.” LePera views this work as a lifelong commitment that evolves as we evolve. “This doesn’t mean our life revolves around re-parenting. It just means that we are conscious of the choices and actions we make and check in with ourselves around our own needs, and patterns.”  

Curious to know how ego plays a role in re-parenting LePera tells me, “Children by nature are ego-centric. This is an important stage ego development. That means that they believe everything happens to them and because of them.  So for example, let’s say that dad comes home stressed then he yells at us, we believe that we caused dad to yell at us—that there is something wrong with us.  Children do not have the ego awareness to understand there are different things coming into play to cause dad to behave this way.  Many of us don’t develop beyond this stage of ego development and continue to believe that everything is happening to us and because of us. This is nothing to be ashamed of, and is a sign that some re-parenting can be helpful.” 

Sea waves close up at sunrise

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We are living in very strange times. “It’s a collective global pause on life as we know it.” Since most of us are stuck inside, we are forced to look inwards. “For some that might mean growth, others might connect more with family, others might feel anger or sadness. The real opportunity during the pandemic is to connect with what you’re actually feeling—to work on not judging your responses and to find ways to process it all that make sense for you,” explains LePera.

So what are some exercises people can do at home to practice self-love? “I am always teaching people the concept of keeping small promises to yourself,” states LePera.  “So I teach people to make attainable promises like waking up 10 minutes early or going to bed 10 minutes early, drinking 1 glass of water every morning, meditating for 5 minutes, or journaling for 10 minutes. These small acts of self-care help to establish trust with yourself and build the foundation of self-trust.  With commitment, these small acts bring so much transformation.” 

One thing you will quickly learn about LePera is that she doesn’t talk about universal protocols and the same applies to self-care routines.  “People are individuals and self-care means different things for different people,” she tells me. “With the pandemic some people are feeling devastated and scared. The first step is to identify those feelings and accept those emotions. So many of us have these rules about what we should feel and we cause ourselves a lot of additional suffering thinking this way.  Some people feel lonely and they want to connect while other people may feel lonely and want to be left alone. There is no right or wrong way to feel”. 

Once you accept your feelings LePera suggests that people find a way to care for themselves, balance the body and the mind, and care for our emotions. “We sometimes feel like we should know how to care for ourselves. But we weren’t taught a lot of these things so it takes experimenting. Does a walk make you feel better or perhaps does taking a bath provide a sense of comfort? I talk a lot about breathwork, which is incredibly important because it regulates the nervous system.”

Yoga

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On a global level, there is no doubt that the pandemic is bringing up old trauma for many people. “A lot of us are carrying childhood traumas.  Our safety in the world is being threatened and it is emotionally activating. Many of us are living with a fight or flight response. These are governed by our nervous system, which is affected by our past experiences. The reaction in our body is very real. When we are challenged and not conscious to old patterns we resort to old coping tools and the spiral continues. This affects how we show up everyday for work and our relationships with others. Any issues will feel exasperated,” explains LePera.

There is so much that I love about LePera’s approach to self-love and self-betterment. But, one of the qualities that I admire most and that I haven’t seen in my years of seeing therapists is her openness with her own struggles. Many therapists hold themselves up higher than their patient as if they have it all figured out when in fact most of them don’t. This is, in my opinion what makes her so relatable.

“Re-parenting and learning to love your self is a journey,” she tells me. “It’s not something that happens overnight, and it’s something that we must be an active participant in. An important part of re-parenting is being gentle and compassionate with yourself during the process, rather than judging where you are at with it.”  LePera’s insight into the mind and body coupled with her tangible advice is invaluable for all of us navigating these incredibly challenging and triggering times. Her first book comes out next spring.

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Tags: Anxiety, attachment, Benefit, body and mind connection, childhood trauma, codependency, ego, explains, Holistic, inner child, mental health, pandemic, parent attachment style, parenting, polyvagal theory, Psychologist, psychology, PTSD, re-parenting, ReParenting, Searching, Soul, soul searching, the holistic psychologist, trauma

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[life-is-be-au-tiful]

What ego stage are you in? (From @the.holistic.psychologist’s YouTube video) . 1) Lack of ego awareness - this is the unconscious state, the “that’s just the way I am” state. This is where reactions happen without thinking, or sometimes referred to as the fixed mindset. 2) Ego awareness - this is the state when you’re aware of the thoughts and narratives crafted by the ego, but those reactions and responses (kick, scream, yell, curse) can still happen despite being more aware. (& that’s okay!) - 3) The witness - this is the consciousness stage, where you can completely remove the ego when triggered and observe your emotions/reactions before actually reacting. In this stage you can observe how your ego WANTS you to react (kick, scream, yell, curse) and then choose a different reaction. 4) Ego integration - aka: GOALS. This is the stage of enlightenment, as @the.holistic.psychologist puts it. This is the stage in which you fall back into those old narratives less and less, if at all. It’s when you experience triggers in a whole new way; instead of falling back into an old pattern or hearing the ego’s want to kick and scream, you automatically react in the new way. . It’s important to note that these aren’t necessarily different levels. Like if you move up from level 1 to level 2, you’ll never have to deal with level 1 again. It’s normal to fluctuate between these stages, especially 2&3. So be patient with yourself. Don’t kick yourself when you fall back into an old pattern or narrative. You’re already on the right path when you recognize that happening. . Personally, I’m in stage 2. I’m aware of old narratives, but I still react in the same old ways when triggered, sometimes. It’s less reactive and more like, I try to do something different but then my frustration takes over and I’m back in the same boat. . If you haven’t already, check out Dr. Nicole LaPera’s YouTube channel!! Very insightful and helpful. . . . #ego #egowork #egostages #consciousness #awareness #unawareness #selfawareness #selfhealing #selfhealers #mindbody #consciousliving https://www.instagram.com/p/B8KVfuDH349/?igshid=1132i2hkg0qp8

[two-for-luck]

Seek advice from people who live a life you would want for yourself. Or, who are emotionally healthy with relationships that reflect that. When people give advice, they’re speaking to themselves.

Nicole LaPera

[marilynnott]

Nicole Lapera-Holler of Real Estate Teams, LLC just listed 1409 Weverton Road Kn… https://ift.tt/2ZLMza1