#nit for me or my loved ones
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#my grandpa is going to fucking kill himself#he is lucky he didn't die#apparently he got into a car accident didn't go to the doctor and spent a month in bed#and then didn't let my grandma tell anything to anyone#she is just as bad ahe just keeps everyone in the dark about everything#her apparently going through chemo ect#she probably had some part in her mother's death#bc she injured badly her leg at 92 fucking years old and she kept her from getting help#to tje point of not being able to get stitches and eventually die bc of some other complications that this took part in#not to mention that she didn't tell her that her favorite son fucking died#my f*ther has some bad memory issues and refuses to get it checked#if i get this old I'm just killing myself it's not worth it#nit for me or my loved ones#i won't let myself get this bad#don't get me wrong i used to look up to my grandpa#but going of the rode bc a fucking truck was generating too much dust#he also refuses to talk to my dad for some reason#i won't let myself get this fucking bad#if i manage to reach 60 i will make sure to not reach more than that#my bloodline is fucking curse and it's all genetic nothing i can do will change it
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things i noticed in my most recent jsab playthrough that u might not have:
- the square starts off broken at the beginning of the game ? like theyre in pieces and those pieces come together to form the player
- the corrupted flowers make piano noises when they first pop out of the water
- theres a part in sevcon where, when the circle in the middle is absorbing other circles, it kind of bounces to the beat every time a circle hits it! its hard to see if youre not paying attention (completely understandable)
- in subwoofer dubstep, the rain from the ceiling actually fills up the level with water (this might be common knowledge but i personally never noticed until now)
- the helicopter leaves a trail of rainbow particles when they fly :]
- in that one part where the square is on a conveyor belt running from buzzsaws, the piles of stuff being shredded are various trees and things from paradise, one of which is the bird cage from the lost chapter!
- the 3 birds from the lost chapter also appeared at the end of the game before the extra chapter was even released
- the pink boss guy has a machine in the factory with the sole purpose of pushing flowers over. this boss is like a middle school bully i love them
- THE BEGINNING OF TRY THIS IS TOTALLY A JAMES BOND REFERENCE AND I ONLY JUST NOW GOT IT. GOD
- i also like that the background in Try This has many elements from the factory in the overworld. ik its pretty obvious. i just think its neat
- i might make a separate post abt this but the boss is very clearly Bug Coded. and the changes to their appearance they go through throughout the game makes me think of metamorphosis. you understand
- like an evil butterfly
- in the lost chapter, theres what appears to be several fossils underground. this implications of this drives me nuts
#jsab#just shapes and beats#rambles#i had to share my notes with the world#i am very nit normal about this game#ive played it many many many times#did you know. yhis game has phenomenal level design#like every level is so enjoyable and fun imo#and things like. in close to me the level design forces you to stick close to the boss the whole time#stuff like that makes me giddy with joy#and clash is another rlly good one. i love it. i lov this game
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The worst thing you can do to yourself when you're struggling mentally or with life issues is to think helping others with their own issues instead of prioritizing yourself will somehow pan out to fixing whatever you're going through.
#vent#personal#as much as i appreciate people saying theyd be there for me#trauma bonding won't fix either of our problems#i struggle with not overexpending myself just as much as the next struggling empathetic person#but please prioritize yourself over complete strangers#do the absolute best you can for yourself in tandem with people doing the same for themselves#if having a savior complex has taught me anything it is that no amount of helping others helps you#thats nit commentary about empathy either#we absolutely should care about eachother and how we all struggle#but only trying to help others wont fix anything you yourself are going through#i wish life was easier for us to navigate#or at the very least a bit easier to understand#it's not#and i hate that its a constant fight#but at the end of the day all i truly have is myself to rely in and no one else#because nobody aside me can fix my life#please for the love of god dont let mental health Tumblr find this and assume i dont guve a fuck about others struggling#i do and i care too much about other people struggling than my own struggle#it feels easier to tackle problems and find somutions when they arent your own nightmare to deal with#i truly wish someone could fix my life and i could fix someone elses#emotional communism— OUR problems 🤝#sigh
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Hi btw being trans does not automatically grant you supernatural understanding of all esoteric trans knowledge. You actually need to put effort into learning or put effort into keeping quiet about things that don't pertain to your specific experience
#my cishet brother has a better grasp of transgender theory than my transgender bisexual sister because he like... did some basic research#meanwhile my sister confidently told me 'oh youre nit trans youre neutral' the ither week and i almost slapped her#miss maam i am nonbinary and i have been out as some kind of trans for ten years i will politely ask you to shut up ONCE#also in no universe am i 'neutral' but even if i WAS by definition i would not be identifying wholly with my assigned sex#WHICH WOULD MAKE ME TRANSGENDER ANYWAY#apparently shes been portraying herself as the only trans in the family despite the fact that ive BEEN OUT FOR A DECADE#like ms maam when i came out you were TEN YEARS OLD. i taught you what transgender meant! i know for certain i taught you better#i DEFINITELY taught you better than to TELL PEOPLE WHAT THEY ARE#like okay i guess if youre not into research and history and you just wanna exist without having yo be an expert that is fine#but DO NOT present yourself as an expert. you are an expert in YOUR BODY and YOUR EXPERIENCES#like. shes got severe 'no one has ever done it like me. i am the weirdest girl at the party' syndrome#while also having the personality of an edgy piece of toast#i love her but i have. been very angry at her and i cant even say anything about it#like. baby girl you are a very generic case of autism and transgender and bisexuality. youre not the most random unique case#'how could you understand?!' meanwhile im sitting there wildly neuridivergent and transgender and i got eldest daughter/third parent trauma#like hmm yeah i wonder what id know about it. i wonder how i could possibly understand. i wonder how i could possibly offer relevant advice#i give up#shes a fucking edge lord and our mum feeds into it rather than being like 'some of your experiences are actually universal'#anyway rant over#my brother is an angel and i eould die for him. worlds best ally#he has never once misgendered me or made me feel weird about it. unlike some other siblings who demands i punch her if she gets it wrong#like... no? stop being weird about it youre making me more uncomfortable than using the wrong pronoun did#mums like that too 'oh i messed up hit me!' like no#how old are you?#grow up im not gonna hit you back why would hurting you make me feel better? does hurting people make you feel better?#cause that sounds like something you should see a licensed professional about. i dont care if its a therapist or a bartender#just do it away from me#rant#personal#delete later
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one day i'll bring a beautiful woman home with me and she'll see my piano and be like ooh can you play me something and i will and i'll fail miserably and make such a fool of myself and it'll make me look so hot
#this has halfway happened before except that it was really late at night so i couldn't do it#but one day all of the nit-practicing is going to pay off 😎#my move is being so clumsy and goofy and bad at things generally that the ladies can't help but to fall in love with me 😎
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sang animal by neon trees with my crush 🙌🙌🙌 i need him!$!!!!!!!
#and when we were at the bar he touched my thigh cis i was pointing at where i want a tattooo!!!!!!#and. i have a crush. on him. hes sooooooooo cute#and he noticed. someone else was doing make a man out of you. and when i was singing. he weny ‘oh werewolf moment?’ while i wasking#*was singing#to the ‘dark side of the mooooooooooooon part’ and i WASNT EVEN howling or thinking of it#but he knows my werewolf moments. he literally said ‘the lyrics. iused context clues’#txt#yall it’s debilitating. i want him so bad. hes just The One my crush is so stronggg i hate it here#i want to punch him until hes not cute anymore. i need to eat him. hes fine as hell#i hope he has a crush on meeeeeeee😭💀#its terrible. i need to kiss gim or i’ll die#hes so tall. and handsome as hell. and i told him i loved his performance of sex on fire#he eaid he knew id be ‘not upset but kinda upset’ that i missed gis rendition of last nit e by the strokes#cus we both like it#yall i think he does like me. idc#i cant tell if its a gut feeling or delusion but
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Feeling really betrayed that no one thought to warn me the new Spiderverse is just part one.
#i was so ready for the ultimate thrown down with spot. i was salivating for that animation and then BAM#my like one nit pick is that I feel this movie could have been edited down. but the animation is so good. i don’t care#I’m so glad they pushed the 2D animation in this one. listening to the directors commentary for the first one left me feeling they’d been#a little hesitant to use that. it’s only really seen in a few scene clearly#but this one was just#would you like some extra 2D animation on that?? and the things that happened to me are not suitable to describe a kids movie#and I get the Hobbie love now. wow. all the new spider people are great but he was such a nice contrast#this movie didn’t have as much negative space as the first. i think Hobbie offered a nice palette cleanse for the eyes#i need directors commentary for atsv to come out right now
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UFUGUDIFG FORGOT TO POST MY ARTFIGHT ATTACKS
1st: starshine-and-rain 2nd: ccappuccino 3rd: dazey-the-goat 4th: stufful 5th: iasdsip 6th: Cuttlefishkiller 7th: untitledtem 8th: cubepy
#ort is my passion#i love how i draw other peoples ocs and not mine#too much work...#undertale#skelesona#nit mine tho#furry#feral#anthro#pokemon#pokesona#also not mine#oc#ocs#bro why am i even tagging these ik my one follower got me aka theyre the only one that sees this#A YWAYS I LOVE DRAWING PEOPLES OCS AYAYAYAAATT
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this vest looks INCREDIBLE bro. i cant wait to post pics like. i cannot believe this.
#NIT to toot my own horn but i'm TOOTING IT like. VERY proud and so over the moon at how nicely the pattern fits like#it's made to wear over corsets and stuff but works just FINE w me just having a little shirt under it#like i'm in LOVE with this thing#i'm gunna make seven more#i have so much brocade fabric#i can make a winter one and a spring on specifically#and this one can absolutely pull off late fall#oh bro i'm GLOWING WHAT A DAYYYY#i feel so????? me.#like i feel fully inside my own body. and HAPPY. i cant believe i get to start making changes#i really haven't felt this at peace on a core level in. SO long.#i get to do one of those 'this is my voice one day on T' time lapses can u BELIEVE#i cant wait to meet w a doctor and see how long the process is gunna be and then do it ANYWAY#bc i WNAT TO#and wear my SILLY LITTLE VESTS THE WHOLE TIME!!!!!!#irl#personal#sewing tag#kind of
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well nvm gets scared. made a poll but now im scared bc its music based
#i have this horrible horrible fear ill mention liking a song and everyone will be like Oh no that song sucks and actually you shoild kys#for liking that song. and then i explode into 5billion pieces... sigh#N ITS NOT LIKE THIS IS EVEN A 'CRINGE' BAND OR ANYTHING. i do lidten to 'cringe'#bands but. whatever#and ik its dumb yk. like its music i like it thats fine.. but i do get embarassed t say im a lemon demon fan or whatever#bc ppl associate lemon demon fans with being So annoying (understandable)#but like. idk man i just like th songs... etc#lemon demon isnt th subject of th poll i made btw. its literally a rly well loved album and band and stuff im just so scares...#its hard being a girlie who loves music n loves talkin abt music while also being So incredibly scared of ppl making fun of my music taste#ITS SO DUMBBBBB ITS SO DUMB. IT DOESNT EVEN MATTER IF PPL THINK MY MUSIC TASTE IS ANNOYING BC IT MAKESME HAPPY!!#THATS ALL THAT MATTERS AND MUSIC IS SUBJECTIVE but still im so sensitive abt it. and its dumb as hell bc it isnt even that like. idk..#and im th same way with most of my interests likee. partially i dont post abt my interests bc i Fucking hate fandom so badly#another reason is bc likee. idk i dont consume media that much atm... I wanna start reading more books n watching more things tho#but th main reason is like. Sigh ig it ties into th hating fandom thang i dont want ppl to think of me as being In a fandom for something#not that im into anything heinous yk. but like i get scared publically being like Yeah im into cookie run. or whatever.bc theres like#already a preconceived notion of cr fans NOT THAT LIKE.. NIT THAT FANS OF THINGS R OPRESSED RJGNFJGNNG#but like yk. i get worried ppl will see that im a cr fan and think im one of Thise cr fans#not just cr..other things as well but crs th most like.controversial ig...#but even w/ fandoms that dont have baggage and stuff i dont want ppl t see that im interested in it and have that like. idk idk#i dont want ppl to think of me as A fan of a thing bc im my own person. idk if that even makes sense i think i sound dumb...#i just get rly rly rly worried abt peoples perception of me n like.every thing i do i imagine how ppl perceive that and how it changes#their view of me.yk... it freaks me out rly rly rly bad#whatttever tho. abd yes i understand i sakd Ya i wouldnt publically say im a fan of x thing..And then said it publically#but tags arent public to me.. this is my special zone for my besties only..#whatttever. if uve read this far ill judt tell you th poll is for umm. favorite song off of how to be a human being by glass animals#its likee. one of the Very few albums where i have the entire thing on my playlist.. th knly other one i cn think of that i dont Need to#get rid of JFFBHF is daft punks discovery ....#i have a couple other full albums but theyre from when i ws#15. so like..#whatever. idk . its dumb t be freaked out over a poll but its also bc Since i dont post abt my interests n stuff im like. well im nt llowed
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I love and respect fancier/more expensive restaurants so much for their effort and dedication but I must absolutely express how I had so much more of a meal at the side of the road at a taco stand and it was better in so many more ways than a fancy restaurant. Like food is so amazing because it's not just fucking delicious its also so incredibly personal and emotional and my favorite meal was on the side of a road with tables set up in the grass and eating pupusas as my mom chatted in Spanish with somebody also from her country was so amazing. The pupusas were good and the environment was beautiful and it felt like home.
Anyways point being I love food so much.
#i think part of it was like. the shock of seeing somebody also from my moms country in a place we didnt expect#the recognition was like EL SALVADOR FLAG!! PULL OVER!!#I burned my tounge that day because the pupusas were so fresh off the stove but it was once again one of the best meals of my life#random stuff#SORRY IM NIT ART POSTING GUYS I JUST WAS EATING RN AND LIKE I NEEDED TI EXPRESS THIS#anyqays the tamales i had were BOMB rn I love this restuarant. yes. we had tavos and then tamales I EAT WHAT YOU SET IN FRONT OF ME ITS FOOD#I LOVE FOOD!!!! <3<3<3
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I have such a love hate relationship with Ellie. On the one hand I have my petty grudge against her, but on the other hand shes so sillyyyyy being Jackie's lil lackey did her so many favors in my mind she's not only a lil shit but also a lil teachers pet I love her
#rat rambles#oni posting#honestly my only genuine nit pick with her writing is that shes almost Too much of a presence#but thats just me being the guy who's favorite rw character is sliver of straw and favorite oc is the one that doesnt exist in universe#I love how theyre all varrying levels of just some guy who fell in too deep#as much as Ive been loving learning abt them and would kill to know more abt them the vagueness is like half the appeal to me#anyways to be clear abt ellie shes not like a huge suck up or anything shes just jackies lil errand boy#I like to imagine she and nikola's beef extended beyond the food stealing incident#the jackie lackey duo out for blood until they slowly realize that everything is so fucked#I like to imagine that ellie started cracking pretty bad towards the end as by then she rly couldn't keep playing dumb#especially when it starts reaching Her circle of scientists. whether joshua knew or not thats a scary situation for your bestie to be in#I doubt she like. did anything abt it. at least not without getting caught. but maybe she at least tried who knows#this might be giving her too much credit but Im choosing to believe that her care for joshua would stoke the flames enough#also her job as the numbers guy means that she likely at least could make an educated guess on the temporal bow situation#but yeah I like to imagine at some point ellie stops fucking with nikola and then stops showing up at work entirely#and nikola is just sitting there quietly freaking the fuck out as he realizes that everyone who was hired to help with this stuff is being#picked off and that there are absolutely Not enough people to manage how severe the situation is#also tbc I do in fact have a timeline in my head and it does not end well for anyone involved#but Im trying to refrain from going too into scientist hcs until Im sure Ive read everything#tbh Im not sure how Ill get the stuff Im missing but Ill certainly try
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Is my sneaky mysterious time travel fic also turning into a feral!vash fic? Maybe. It keeps expanding over here.
#you know i love me some alieb headcanons#gonna try to restrain myself from putting in the self indulgent ones#though i love alien purring i just need to make him weird#dont read too much into the time travel its nit a fix it fic#im starting 2 lean toward imagining some stampede post julai setting so i can delve in2 some themes from trimax w a very clear stampede tilt#talking too much about my plans.
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post my worst thoughts to tumblr
#mostly bc no one i know actuslly follows me#ive never posted my face!#and . it canr be easily linked back to any of my other social media#ir still can 100% it wouldnt be hard#but . its nit the same handle as all the others so#anyway . i love this website it sucks the tar fromcmy soul#i also follow an acc that posts the Worst Things ppl w bpd have admutted to doing so i feel . less awful for what ive done.
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Vent-ish
"Youre gaining weight"
Yes I know. That was the whole point
"You have stretch marks now"
Atleast I'm a healthy weight tho?
"But you have stretch marks"
I mean yeah, but that's just what happens when you gain weight, no?
"Youre gonna keep gaining weight if you keep going"
No, I have self control. I just needed to be a healthy weight. I was under weight-
"Youre gonna keep gaining weight. Starve yourself"
I shouldn't
"Starve yourself"
#conversation i had with myself today#tw ed (?)#im nit really sure whats going on w me anymore#one second i love my body and the next ehhhh#vent post
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How do me and my mother manage to get into a fight every fucking day I want to dieeeeee how have we fought about bullshit and it’s not even ten in the morning like what the fuck I’m so fucking miserable and no one likes me they all make fun of me I need to move out or I’m going to fucking ruin my life !!!!! (Also why won’t my fucking period just start so I can get all of these emotions to stop bothering me!!!)
#literally been home for less than three days and every interaction with my mother has felt like a punch to the gut#today she was bitching to me about my brother leaving his hoodie and his hat on/around the couch he sits on and my mom was bitching about#how he leaves his shit everywhere and whatever else and I was like dude you gotta cut him some slack yknow like he’s been used to living in#a dorm and having a living space where he could be a person and my mom proceeded to be like ‘he doesn’t live here’ AND IM LIKE HE DOES NOW#HE GRADUATED AND MOVED BACK HOME AND YOURE TREATING HIM LIKE A CHILD HE IS DOING ONLINE COURSES AND LOOKING FOR JOBS AND YOU TREAT HIM LIKE#A CHILD#UGHHHH#my mother then proceeded to once again tell me off for being bossy and telling her what to do and I’m sitting here like maybe you should try#fucking listening to me then and treating my brother like a part of the family instead of like company#I know he’s in the guest room technically but he’s part of this fucking family and you and I both have side tables to put shit on its not#his fault that he put his jacket on the couch he has no where else to put it he’s gonna wear it again next time he comes out like what the#fuck why is she such a bitch and then she gets mad at me like idk what you want from me#I used to never get along with my brother and now I’m defending him to you and you act like he’s the worst person ever#like why do you hate your children so much why do you love him but you hate me I’m so sick of crying over mommy issues#but if my mother could just like me that would be incredible I really feel like everyone hates me constantly and no one wants me around and#I try to defend my brother and be nice and it only makes my mother hate me so I just go into my room bc I’ve tried over and over again to be#nice to my mother and apparently I’m doomed to just fucking hate her and have everything I say be an insult or some nit picky bullshit bc my#mouth won’t stop saying whatever my brain is thinking and I keep apologizing and then I keep saying shit it’s like I have the happiest two#few days after months of being alone and miserable and then I come home and immediately it’s like my mother just no longer likes me#I feel like I’m stuck in perpetual coming home from a sleepover mode#do you guys remebrr that? coming home from a sleepover after being happy and your family would instantly make fun of you for being happy or#excited or wanting to talk about the sleepover and then you’d cry and go into your room and feel like shit bc everyone hates you and then#you’d start to assume that everyone at the sleepiver thought the same thing as your family and thought you were annoying and interrupting#their lives by being happy I mean whatttt haha yeah did that happen to anyone else or just me 😭👍👍👍👍#life recently feels like it’s me being happy vs me realizing joy doesn’t last vs me needing to ruin my own joy so someone else doesn’t do i#first. I have very strong need to hurt myself before someone else can energy but all it does is make sure I get hurt twice cause someone’s#always gonna hurt my feelings and not care so I should be showing myself compassion but all I want to do is tear my skin apart#been so fucking depressed since I got home I’m fucking miserable and my family hates me I hate everything and I’m so stressed I hate this#anyways 😭😭😭😭 can’t stop crying recently after not crying for months now talking about anything makes me cry and I hate it#I’m embarassing myself constantly bc I can’t hold back from crying
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