#always gonna hurt my feelings and not care so I should be showing myself compassion but all I want to do is tear my skin apart

[pellaaearien]

ooo, Locum Tenens (you know i’m always going to ask about this one!) and can you tell me about the oracle AU? 💕

I can never remember how much I've talked about Locum Tenens, it is my poor neglected child of 38 thousand words,,, your love for it gives me life <3

I had SO MANY plans for this AU, all the way up to the end of season 4 v.v

Anyway, yes. For those unfamiliar: Locum Tenens is my Doctor Who AU where the Doctor falls into a parallel world at the end of season 2 instead of Rose. Rose is left with the TARDIS and has to figure out how to carry out the Doctor's role while the Doctor... well, let's just say he has a bad time. He's a telepathic being who's cut off from literally ALL sources of telepathy in Pete's World. I was gonna bring in the Sensorites and everything.

Here, have some pain.

“Then you’ll just have to hurry and get back here, yeah?” Rose replied flippantly, but sobered at the look on his face. “I’ll try, Doctor,” she said, more seriously. “I promise I’ll try.” He nodded once. That would have to do. “And what about you, Doctor?” she asked, and as always, he was suddenly drowning in compassion he didn’t deserve. “There you are, living a life, day after day. You always used to say that was the adventure you could never have, and now you’ve got it.” “Yeah, guess you’re right,” the Doctor said, with a humourless laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. “Shut up, I know it’ll drive you spare. So don’t let it. You take care of yourself too, yeah? And come back to me.” Rose. She knew him too well, she always knew him too well. It was time for all or nothing. “Rose.” He took a deep breath. Her gaze sharpened on him. “I… This isn’t at all how I wanted to say it, on some windswept beach in a parallel world, but I let myself run out of time.” He sniffed. “Some Time Lord, me.”  It killed him that he couldn’t touch her, that they could only stand, looking at each other, not even real, while he held out his hearts to her. “I let things that were understood go unsaid for far too long,” he forced himself to continue, and heard Rose suck in a breath. “It absolutely will not be my last chance to say it,” he growled fiercely, as his hands clenched and unclenched with the need to be threaded through hers, then softened. “But just in case: Rose Tyler, I love you.” She gaped at him. Even after their relationship had progressed into physical intimacy, he’d held the words back, feeling that they were inadequate and at the same time too much. Those words were definitive, final, and maybe he’d naively thought that if he refused to define their relationship it couldn’t hurt them. He shook his head inwardly. Daft Time Lord.  Rose had known, had sensed his aversion to the words and held her own back, out of respect, instead showing him in a thousand little ways more eloquent than eight letters of English. But he saw, in that moment, how much she’d needed to hear them from him, and cursed himself for a fool ten times over. Finally she shut her mouth with a snap, shaking her head and smiling at him, and the heat of her love blazed from her eyes and warmed him, even on an icy beach in a different world. “I know,” she replied. “And Doctor, I—” She vanished. The wind howled. The Doctor, bereft of both Rose and the TARDIS’ telepathic contact, again, stood stock still. Then, like a puppet whose strings had been cut, his shoulders slumped, and he covered his face with his hands as he took shaking breaths. It was Mickey who tentatively approached him, an indeterminate amount of time later. “C’mon, boss.” Taking his arm, the other man coaxed the Doctor gently back to the Jeep. One look at his stony face and no one attempted to engage him in conversation. He was silent for the entire drive.

As for the Oracle AU, it's based on a gabe prompt which should tell you everything you need to know xD The gist is that Dream is an oracle whose visions are strongest when he gets edged. It's very porny. Here's a slightly less porny bit.

“Breathe,” Hob reminds him, gentling his hold and pressing a kiss to his forehead. The court stenographer is scribbling furiously, but Hob’s focus is all on Dream. “Just breathe. I’m here. You did so well.” Dream follows instructions, staring up at the ceiling until his breathing slows, and Hob carefully removes himself from him to get the water, coaxing him to sit up and drink. “What did I—?” Dream croaks, once he’s swallowed the water. He never knows what he’s said when the visions come on him; he described it to Hob once as “going somewhere else.” “Sounds like the villagers are going to find the new source of water they need,” Hob says gently. Dream sighs in relief, sagging further into Hob’s embrace. Hob bites his tongue. He knows how important Dream’s visions are to the kingdom. No Oracle has ever had stronger, more accurate prophecies. He just wishes it took less of a toll on his beloved. Once Dream’s trembling stops, Hob cleans the sweat from his body with careful swipes of a cloth. He’s flushed and gorgeous, the most beautiful thing Hob has ever seen. Only Hob can touch him, and no one will ever have him. It’s nearly enough to drive Hob mad, but he loves Dream enough to do whatever he asks. “I think I have one more in me,” Dream says, meeting his eyes, and Hob, resigned to his fate, bends to his task.

[moonlit-positivity]

Self compassion is a practice, being kind to yourself is something you have to learn how to practice. How do you start? Notice all the ways you're being mean to yourself and try real hard to be nice to those mean voices.

"I'm fat and ugly."

"Okay, I know how you feel. It's okay to feel this way, because we have been through a lot in our life that has reinforced this belief. And even though it's painful, it's also okay that we feel this way, and it's okay that we have to hurt like this. Even though, it's actually not okay at all, is it? They hurt me, and I'm in pain."

Its still not that easy, because then your meanness will say shit like, "i don't deserve to feel good about myself. I'm no good." So then you gotta practice real hard the art of acceptance. "I know what you mean. And even though this hurts, I'm gonna be here for you anyway. You don't have to feel good about it, you don't have to find the silver lining. We can just sit here and feel bad, and ill make sure nothing bad is gonna happen while we wait it out."

And it's still not that easy, because then you're gonna be pissed off that no one can give you this kind of love 24/7 except for you. So now you gotta recognize all the ways youre crying out for something your childhood couldn't give you, and you gotta go deeper than the average bear to foster this kind of compassion for yourself. Because now you know your parents' abusive rhetoric & unrealistic expectations of you are riding your ass through the ground, in a world & environment that might not be encouraging enough for you to recognize that, so you have to foster that for yourself instead.

"I should be doing something productive with my time, so I always feel like I am never any good for anything or anyone. I am constantly comparing myself to others because my parents raised me to believe I am no good unless I can provide a service for them. And they never loved me enough to let me be a kid."

"Okay, I know this is heartbreaking for us to deal with. How can I show up for us today? Remember that we are not always gonna be able to compete with the abilities of others around us, and that's okay. Remember that we are allowed our own methods, our own lives, our own wants and needs, and that's okay. Remember that every day brings something new and challenging for us to deal with, and that's okay. And it's okay if we do absolutely nothing today. It's okay if we do absolutely nothing tomorrow too. We are still deserving of love and care, and tbh this time of doing nothing is not laziness. It's me resting from being overworked, overwhelmed, abused, and in need of healing. I am allowed to rest and still be loved. We can let go this need to hate & punish ourselves for the sake of others. We are allowed to set & determine our own fate. This is okay, too."

Kindness is an art. You've been told your whole life that your feelings don't matter. Of course it's easy to spiral into those hard wired lies. You have to actively push back, every single day. Trace the edges of someone else's kindness until you can learn your own. Fake it til you make it 🌸

[nesrinadem]

LISTEN HERE.

ft. @mattsullivan

you know i haven't slept in weeks, you're the only thing i see. i’m a satellite heart, lost in the dark, i'm spun out so far. you stop, i start, but I'll be true to you.  • satellite heart - anya marina.

secrets I have held in my heart, are harder to hide than I thought. maybe i just wanna be yours, i wanna be yours.  • i wanna be yours - arctic monkeys.

loving in the fabric of your tapestry, cover me in honeysuckle memories. compass points you home, calling out from the east. compass points you anywhere, closer to me.  • compass - zella day.

i didn't get much sleep last night but that's alright. it was worth it just to see you move that hair from your eyes and smile like you do. stay with me tonight, i'll kiss your head to the morning, i'll let you sleep on my side.  • gum - moose blood.  

whispered something in your ear, it was a perverted thing to say, but I said it anyway. made you smile and look away. nothing's gonna hurt you, baby. as long as you're with me, you'll be just fine. nothing's gonna hurt you, baby. nothing's gonna take you from my side.  • nothing’s gonna hurt you baby - cigarettes after sex. 

i didn't know if you'd care if I came back; i have a lot of regrets about that. pulled the car off the road to the lookout, could've followed my fears all the way down. and maybe I don't quite know what to say, but I'm here in your doorway. i just wanted you to know, that this is me trying. • this is me trying - taylor swift. 

I am scared to say i miss you, last time i had you i should have kissed you. these feelings fester up inside, but how could i deny these butterflies? i hope i'm not stuck on your waiting list, because i dream of you in colors that don't exist.  • i like you - dandelion hands. 

i'm jealous of the rain, that falls upon your skin, it's closer than my hands have been. i'm jealous of the rain. i'm jealous of the wind, that ripples through your clothes, it's closer than your shadow. oh, I'm jealous of the wind. [...] i'm jealous of the nights, that I don't spend with you, i'm wondering who you lay next to. oh, I'm jealous of the nights. i'm jealous of the love, love that was in here, gone for someone else to share. oh, I'm jealous of the love.  • jealous - labyrinth. 

at night, when the stars light up my room, i sit by myself, talking to the moon. trying to get to you, in hopes you're on the other side talking to me too. • talking to the moon - ashley marina cover. 

and i should have called, and i should have tried, and i should have walked you home every night. and i should have kissed you ten thousand times, just to tell you i love you. i should have done it all. • all for you - cian ducrot.

i had these memories all around me, so I wouldn't be alone. some may be from showing up, others are from growing up, sometimes I was so messed up and didn't have a clue. i ain't winning no one over, i wear it just for you. i've got your name written here in a rose tattoo. • rose tattoo - dropkick murphys.

as we stood by the ocean, you reached for my hand and you said my name. every word i heard poetry, i saw laughter upon your face. i don't know if you noticed, but i left my heart in that moment. with your arms on my shoulders, and that look in your eyes, i knew you and i were the same. there i danced in your aura, where you led me inside, guiding me into somewhere safe. i've found home. • home - jacob lee.

remember the nights, that we would stare at the lights by the train tracks, and you would always listen to dashboard. that was the first time that i realized... all the pieces of you fit perfectly in the hole inside my heart. and i'd be lying if i tried telling you, that you're not everything i want. ‘cause i tried running away, but i came right back today, just hoping that you'd let me say i'm sorry. • pieces of you - nothing, nowhere. 

but i knew you, dancin' in your levi's, drunk under a streetlight, i knew you. hand under my sweatshirt, baby, kiss it better, i. and when i felt like i was an old cardigan under someone's bed, you put me on and said i was your favorite. • cardigan - taylor swift. 

i remember happy wasted days, summer's golden haze in our eyes. lifting you above the breakin' waves, memories floatin' back to my mind [...] it's like when you're far away from me, i get lost in the crowd (oh), because when I'm in a room with you, that missing piece is found (oh). • missing piece - vance joy. 

oh, you, only you. when the night is over out of all the places i could choose, i go to you, only you. feel you just below the surface, darling. all i wanna do is go to you. • you - benny blanco ft. marshmello and vance joy. 

after all the misses and confessions to the stars, that we never really owned as ours. and if our world comes tumbling down, i never could forgive myself for leaving out, you're the one, you are the only one. • honeybee - the head and the heart. 

in the morning when you wake up, i like to believe you are thinking of me. and when the sun comes through your window, i like to believe you've been dreaming of me, dreaming. i know, ‘cause i'd spend half this morning thinking about the t-shirt you sleep in. i should know ‘cause i'd spend all the whole day, listening to your message i'm keeping and never deleting. • tee shirt - birdy. 

'cause this would be one whole lot easier, god, i know that's selfish but it's true, if underneath some calm exterior, you're all fucked up too. tell me, does your heart stop at the party when my name drops? like you're stood at the platform when the trains cross. are you hurting, yeah you must be. or is it just me? tongue-tied, screaming on the inside. • is it just me? - emily burns ft. jp cooper. 

everything i do, i'm gonna think of you. don't know what else to do, you got me, you got me, baby. everything i make, i only make for you. baby, be patient for me, and please don't fall in love with someone new. i promise, one day i'll come back for you. • someone new - BANKS.

[dilemind]

Lil update: we fought yesterday over sth stupid and he made a big thing out of it and I couldn’t understand and was kinda like wtf? But he was hurt because that little thing made him feel like my feelings for him got less.. we talked about an idea he had but I changed my mind now and now he thinks it’s because I don’t love him as much anymore. That’s what made it so big and since I didn’t show much compassion cuz I didn’t understand why it’s such a big deal, it got worse and he said let’s just break up and fuck the meeting, fuck everything, he doesn’t want to be with someone like me since I don’t care anyway so why should he care. He is always saying how he loves me more and he thinks that I don’t really love him. So he actually doesn’t want to break up fr but he blocked me now. Everywhere except tiktok. I said sorry on tiktok and asked if he could unblock me and he saw it but idk if he did it bc I can’t really see until I try to text. Idk if I should do it rn tho. He’s right about his feelings being stronger than mine. I’m still not fully sure but he is 1000%. I thought maybe when we meet the feelings get stronger and I’ll be more sure but I also felt like maybe I shouldn’t go there. 1. because it’s so far and I’m not like so in love that I’d be 100% sure it would be worth it? Even tho it sounds so bad.. but I’m kinda scared the meeting won’t go well. 2. I’d have to lie to my parents and do everything secretly. 3. We were talking about intimacy a lot so idk if something will happen and if so I’m scared of the „consequences“. Like was I pressuring myself and regret it after? Will I be able to look my parents in the eyes? What if we break up? I only wanted this with the love of my life that I’ll be with and marry, what if it’s not him? And when nothing like this happens, how will the meeting go? What would he think? I’m gonna be with him for a week in a different country.. will it be bad and awkward? Will he be hurt again, thinking he’s not good enough for me since it’s our first meeting and he is always saying that I’m way out of his league and I might not want him after seeing him in real life. Tbh he wasn’t my type but his personality made him so much more handsome in my eyes.. his personality and the way he treats me is really out of this world. It’s rare to find someone like that in this generation. But yea he’s insecure about his looks and he even lost weight and everything only for me, so he would be „better for me“. Idk what to do. We haven’t been talking since yesterday after the argument and idk if I should call and talk and try to win him back or if I should restrain myself from him now so I won’t hurt him and also myself anymore (we had almost broken up before and I did other things that hurt him, not intentionally but things that made him feel unloved and like I don’t care about him enough) And since I’m Muslim and he’s not, it would bring so many problems in the future with my family. So I always have this in my head too. Always thinking maybe this is wrong.. I’m not sure if I should try and meet him or just stop and forget it.. Do you still think I should meet him? Btw I already bought the tickets but I mean if I don’t go then I don’t go, I’m not gonna go only for that reason, it’s not about the money. I’m so lost rn.. I think it’s because it’s soo soon. So I need to decide quickly but I feel like maybe I needed more time, that’s why. We don’t know eachother for thaat long. Sorry for the super long text!..~

In your message before, you gave me the impression that you were worried the meeting wouldn't go well. Now, I believe you may not love him... you just like him a lot. Sure, the physical aspect is a big factor in loving someone, but especially in the early months, there is alwayssss a strong attraction. You might want to keep him in your life because he's good to you, but that doesn't mean you're truly in love. I understand that you're overthinking important things; especially when it comes to your parents & intimacy. Don't let him influence you. If you're not interested in intimacy with him, be clear about it from the start and don’t give him any false hopes. If you're soooo unsure, it might be best to end things. You just like him because he treats you well, and you’re worried you’ll never meet anyone like him again. And IF you decide to see him, communicate your boundaries clearly beforehand, so you won’t have any regrets!

[lucemferto]

Hey girl, don’t mind me, I just quickly went and rewrote Dream SMP Season 2.

I’m focusing on the big plot stuff from Season 2, which makes it really easy for me to make it good, because I don’t have to contend with all the hard parts like dialogue and scene pacing and stuff. As an additional challenge to myself, I try to change as little as possible. If I don’t mention stuff (like the Egg-Arc) then that means I’m fine with them the way they are.

I wrote this in an hour, so don't expect it to be good, pls.

Whether you agree or think this is trash, I'd be so interested to hear your thoughts!

ACT I

Fundy’s early arc with Ghostbur, Eret and Phil is great and should stay the way it is. It sets up the character relationships and potential for conflict that we can explore in the future.

Similarly, I wouldn’t change too much about the conflict during Exile with one exception: Both Tommy and Quackity don’t want to include Technoblade. Instead, they believe that they can take one Dream by themselves – this is important for Techno’s, Tommy’s and Quackity’s personal journey later on. In this rewrite, Quackity also didn’t found El Rapids, but instead recruited George & Sapnap to L’Manburg – because his stated goal is to make L’Manburg the strongest nation on the server, so why would he make a rival nation with a plotline that goes nowhere?

What’s also important is that it’s revealed that Dream has a spy in L’Manburg around here. Maybe Tommy confessed his burning of George’s house during a cabinet meeting and word still got out to Dream. Who knows, but it’s important for later.

Something big that I would change about this Act I is that I would give Techno an actual B-plot. As it stands, Techno’s early plotline was just “Grrr, I’m angry that Tommy would use me like that! Someone killed my cows and robbed me! L’Manburg will know my wrath”

3 weeks later

“Nevermind, I’m a pacifist now and live in the arctic”

Instead, we pick up where S1 left off. Techno is intent on destroying L’Manburg and instituting anarchy. During that time, he comes into conflict with Quackity’s henchmen (Fundy, George, Sapnap, etc.) to establish that L’Manburg could be an actual threat to him.

We also have some conflict with Phil. They’re old war buddies, but Phil’s son built L’Manburg and Phil himself is unofficially Tubbo’s advisor. I think them reconstituting their friendship will take up this early part until Tommy’s exile – it makes for a nice foil to Tommy’s and Tubbo’s friendship falling apart.

Technoblade also tries to recruit people like HBomb and Niki to his cause, but they’re hesitant, because, you know, he sent Withers to destroy their home. Not the best first impression. Techno is hurt, but convinced it’s because of L’Manburg propaganda and they don’t want to work with him, because they don’t see him as useful.

ACT II Part 1

Exile-Arc basically stays exactly the same – with one notable difference. When Technoblade comes to visit Tommy it’s not to mock him – it’s as a final attempt to convince Tommy to join him. It’s a first culmination of Techno’s character journey so far: His previous interactions with the citizenry of L’Manburg has left him shaken, but not shaken enough.

Tommy truly does need “The Blade” right now and he has no reason to further believe L’Manburg’s propaganda. So, by Technoblade’s inner logic, Tommy should accept.

But he doesn’t. Tommy viciously rips into Technoblade and gets very personal (he’s in a bad space, understandably) – Techno can play it off nonchalantly, but either the cinematography or some later moment shows us that he was hurt by this.

Nevertheless, he gives Tommy a compass that points to his HQ, showing us that he cares about Tommy, like he did during their early days in Pogtopia.

This is where we implement some big changes. The story of Technoblade and the Butcher Army becomes the A-plot, while the Exile becomes the B-plot.

It makes perfect sense. The Exile-Arc is a very inward-focused, almost a character study of Tommy and Dream. It doesn’t have a lot of big narrative movement – so the perfect time to execute on that narrative movement in the storyline that has a lot of moving pieces.

So, after Tommy chewed him out, Techno is hurt and meets with Philza. Techno then explains that for him anarchy always was the natural order of things – to fight for a world where only the strongest survive – but pursuing anarchy like that has left him empty. Philza then explains that anarchy should be more about helping people and building an equal community.

We’re all but stating a major thematic conflict of this storyline: Fighting those who wronged you vs. Helping those in need. All this while also exploring the philosophy of anarchy with Techno and Philza serving as symbolic stand-ins for some different thoughts on the matter.

So, while Tommy’s Exile is going on, Techno refines his approach. This goes hand in hand with Quackity using his henchman to turn L’Manburg into a totalitarian police state in order to root out Dream’s traitor (told you it would become important later).

This will be the main conflict here in the first half of Act 2. Quackity and Philza will play shoulder-devil and shoulder-angel respectively for Tubbo and Fundy, pulling them in different directions. Ghostbur also hangs around L’Manburg – a constant reminder for Tubbo of the most sanitized version of President Wilbur and the lofty ideas he stood for.

This is another big thematic conflict for this storyline – externalized in part through Ghostbur’s presence: When do the ends no longer justify the means? It also feeds into the motif of Tubbo and Tommy becoming like Schlatt and Wilbur respectively (even if that’s still mostly superficial).

During this political turmoil, Niki is getting into Quackity’s crosshairs. She opposes his policing and brutal methods. So Quackity really focuses in on her and she has to live with constant surveillance, searches, etc. Niki tries to talk to Tubbo about this, but he says it’s necessary to keep L’Manburg safe. Slowly, Niki grows disillusioned with L’Manburg.

It is during this time that Niki gets into contact with Techno and the two start to form a bond and helping the citizenry hold out hope during this time (I don’t know who would be the citizenry, probably people that don’t have their own storyline going on such as HBomb, Vikkstar, Lazarbeam, etc.)

And we can have a few lorestreams like that, where the conceit is that Techno’s sneaking into L’Manburg to help people and there’s actual tension.

All this culminates in Hog Hunt. Fundy sees Phil, Niki and Techno team-up. He confronts them after Techno left and Phil begs Fundy to not out them – but their divide has grown too deep (and we’ve actually shown that during Fundy’s streams this time).

Quackity has Phil and Niki incarcerated (L’Manburg has a prison now, it’s not as good as Pandora’s Vualt). Tubbo is deeply disturbed that Philza and Niki would betray him by working with the man that took one of his canon lives and finally gives the Butcher Army his presidential approval. Quackity was already prepared and the events of Hog Hunt play out as we know them.

ACT II Part 2

Again, plays out relatively similarly, except for one major difference: Tommy comes to Techno with the explicit purpose of asking for his help. Exile has left him really hardened, probably more so than we have currently.

This would a.) make Tommy a bit more proactive in his partnership with Techno and b.) actually gives some weight to Techno’s later beef with Tommy, because now it’s based on more than just some flimsy phrasing during S1.

Otherwise, this plays out relatively similarly – Techno and Tommy maybe share a few more character moments, just to drive home that Techno cares about Tommy. Also, none of that dumb keeping it a secret whether or not we destroy L’Manburg – that’s some contrived nonsense and I hate it.

Tommy knows that Techno wants to destroy L’Manburg and while he’s conflicted, he ultimately goes along with. Once he gets his discs back, everything will be over after all. The destruction of L’Manburg will have been worth it.

Part of the rising action will be breaking Phil and Niki out of prison instead of the petty bullshit about Techno’s items that he doesn’t need. This is where we have the initial confrontation between Tommy and Tubbo (and Techno doesn’t ruin the moment by being his worst self).

Other plot points include: Techno receives the Wither Skulls over the course of him and Tommy working together by some mysterious benefactor. This is after he and Tommy confronted Dream. He doesn’t tell Tommy who the benefactor is, even though he knows (spoilers: it’s Dream).

Meanwhile, Tommy, Techno, Niki and Phil are secretly rigging New L’Manburg with TNT a la Wilbur, just to really drive that comparison home. Niki is getting really angry; she has suffered enough and she’s really gonna get revenge.

One of her big moments of terrorism before the Green Festival is burning down the L’Mantree (maybe we can include some character conflict Fundy, so we have these two people who were once really close friends now so warped and torn apart by these two sides at war).

Meanwhile, Quackity has figured out that Ranboo was the traitor and is pushing for Tubbo to execute Ranboo for the greater good of L’Manburg. Tubbo is hesitant, but as there’s no moderate voice in the cabinet anymore, he concedes to the idea.

Finally, the Green Festival is here. This part is really … tough to rewrite, because you have to accommodate so many different character arcs, but I’ll try my best.

In a move not unlike during the Red Festival, Ranboo is revealed as the traitor and put in the execution cage (because those parallels). Tubbo feels really bad about it.

This is when Tommy and Techno start their assault and unleash the whithers. L’Manburg is under attack and we have the big fight between Tubbo and Tommy. We get the big shout-out “The discs were worth more than you ever were” and the ensuing epiphany on Tommy part.

Techno’s calling for him to explode the TNT, but he doesn’t do it.

Quackity is calling for Tubbo to execute Ranboo, but Tubbo has an epiphany himself and refuses. Both their personal conflicts are resolved here. Also, we have some nice parallelism between Quackity and Techno as Tubbo’s and Tommy’s respective bad influences.

Techno – understandably this time – feels betrayed and hurt. He and Tommy have their shouting match. Quackity tries to attack Techno, but during their match they accidentally trigger the TNT. Quackity’s hunger for power has created the grave of his ambitions.

(Niki is also pissed at Tommy and Fundy is fully distraught, because L’Manburg was everything he had left from Wilbur).

Dream steps out of the shadows and reveals that he was Techno’s mysterious benefactor. He gets his hands on the second disc and gloats to Tommy. The scene from Doomsday plays out only that Techno shows some stings of remorse for helping Dream accomplish what he wanted. (Quackity flees the ensuing chaos).

Dream tries to goad Tommy with the discs, but Tommy doesn’t bite, because he has resolved his Want vs. Need now. Dream is frustrated, but retreats for now.

ACT III

In the aftermath of ACT II, I think it’s very important to hammer home that this wasn’t a win for Techno, Niki or Phil. For that to work I think it’s important to make clear that Tommy’s and Techno’s bond was genuine and that they really cared for each other during the Bedrock Bros thing. Neither of them is happy for how this turned.

Niki is plagued by nightmares and sleeps in a prison cell like in the current canon. She stands in symbolic for the emptiness that vengeance brings. Phil is shaken from his talk to Ghostbur and he’s the one who brings up that maybe what they did wasn’t for the best.

Then Techno and Phil have a discussion about the nature of anarchy again, calling back to that earlier conversation at the beginning of Act 2. Techno also feels empty – his vengeance and the destruction he wrought left him no happier.

Meanwhile, Punz and Tommy are actually spending some quality bonding time. Thanks to the medium, they could simulate that pretty well. Punz actually gets attached and when Dream mentions his coup-de-grâce, the cinematography shows that Punz isn’t too happy about it.

Tommy and Tubbo prepare to fight Dream on their own terms. They know, they have to stop him lest he hurts the people they care about (this makes both of them a bit more proactive in the finale). Punz (as per Dream’s orders) tells Tommy where Dream is hiding. Tommy thanks him, oblivious that Punz is a traitor, but Punz feels bad. He has grown attached to Tommy.

During the Final Disc War we actually get two perspectives: One is Tommy’s and Tubbo’s as we know it (only without the constant “Your discs or Tubbo”-stuff) and the other is Punz’s. He has decided to help Tommy even though there’s nothing monetarily in it for him.

First, he goes to Quackity, but Quackity says that Tommy has betrayed him and L’Manburg and that he gets what’s coming to him.

In a last-ditch effort, he goes to Techno. Here’s where we resolve that thematic conflict (Vengeance vs. Charity) for the Techno-Butcher Army storyline: Quackity has chosen to perpetuate the cycle of vengeance (because he will be the villain in S3), but we want some nice character development for Techno.

Niki is against it and stays put, but Techno and Philza ultimately decide to go with Punz and the others to help Tommy.

Finale plays out the same. Stuff’s still awkward between Techno and Tommy/Tubbo; they haven’t resolved all their problems, but it’s a first step. Some good set-up for S3.

And that’s my basic rewrite. It’s long and probably not the best.

[kuroowo]

Blue

- Osamu x GN!Reader

Summary - You feel blue; he holds your hand through it.

Genre - Angst/Comfort

Warning - Depression

Note - I hate it when my sad activates (｡ ́︿ ̀｡) so here’s me writing myself some comfort LOL This is therapeutic but it’s also basically a word/feels vomits so 💀

Words - 0.6K

Masterlist

Miya Osamu doesn’t truly understand the blue of your sadness.

He doesn’t understand that it creeps up on you at seemingly random moments, weighing your heart heavier and heavier by the minute.

“Osamu…”

He tilts his head your way, moon-grey eyes meeting yours in acknowledgement. It takes just one look for it to click in him. You can tell that he knows, that he’s worried for what’s about to come, for what you’re about to go through. It’s sweet of him to care about you, and it makes your eyes soften a little at his pinched brows. But you wish you didn’t have to put him through this, no matter how many times he’s told you it’s not something you can control, it’s not something you should blame yourself for, it’s not something he views as a burden. You know he means well because he’s sweet like that — he’s sweet on you, but it does nothing for the guilt that festers in your heart.

“...I’m sorry.”

You wish you didn’t have to be, but you are. You wish you weren’t this way.

He doesn’t understand that it rips the simplest satisfaction out of every single thing you like to do, branding you with only an intimate emptiness and a sense of self-loathing.

“I made your favourite.”

Your favourite. It’s comfort food — delicious, nostalgic, warming. It should fill you with the ease of solace, with flavours dancing merrily on your tongue, with his love bursting at your seams. It should, but it doesn’t. It tastes bland, it puts a spotlight on the void gaping in your chest, and it makes you want to cry because it’s not the same. You’re not the same. But you try to smile at him, you try to shove the sadness aside just for this meal he made you, you try to appreciate his kindness because he did this for you. He did this to make it hurt less for you, but it doesn’t work. You desperately wish it did, but it doesn’t and it hurts. You don’t make it past half the plate at all and Osamu’s eyes are so painfully understanding.

“I’ll take care of the dishes tonight.”

You can't even bring yourself to fight him on sharing it over some tunes, like you always do.

He doesn’t understand that it stains your very soul a navy so profound that it rivals the midnight skies, clouding the very life in your eyes, or whatever was left of it.

“It’s gonna be okay, sweetheart.”

You want to believe in Osamu, in his reassurance, but it feels like it will never be. It feels heavy on your tears, soaking through his shirt as you choke back the sobs of your own pitiful cries. It feels crushing on your heart, laden with the weight of the world, the weight of your worth, the weight of your existence. It feels all consuming, torrent emotions and babbles of unintelligible apologies from a broken tongue onto open ears. You don’t think it will ever be okay, but he says it with confidence you don’t have and he holds you with gentleness you won’t give yourself.

“You’re gonna be okay.”

You want to believe in him. You really do, but it seems endless.

Miya Osamu doesn’t truly understand the blue of your sadness. Not really, but he stays by your side still. He stays and he offers you patience, warmth, and compassion. He stays and he shows you love at every step of the way, bumpy or groundless. He stays every single time, and with a hefty pinch of selfishness, you hope he’ll continue to hold your hand through it all.

Note 2.0 - Once again, this is just me comforting myself through writing! Take it how you will, but I genuinely don’t want Osamu (or anyone for the fact of the matter, real or not) to experience this so no in this fic he’ll never really understand how this feels, but all I want is for someone to be there for me regardless so that’s where this samu comes from 👍🏻

[angelkurenai]

Holding on - Steve Rogers x Reader

Title: Holding on

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: None

Prompt: I have an idea on a one shot where the reader is bucky’s adopted sister and she and Steve are dating . When Bucky finds out he is against it and he and Steve get into a fight because that’s his little sister and nobody not even Captain America will ever be good enough for her

“My brother's been a bit quiet today. Well, a bit more quiet than usual.” you noted skeptically, sitting comfortably on the couch as Steve carefully placed a soft drink in front of you on the coffee table “Did you two talk about something that I'm currently not aware of?”

“Not much, not much that you didn't hear of yourself. The usual I suppose.” your boyfriend ever oblivious, or innocent, or downright clueless, merely shrugged as he came to sit next to you.

“Fine then.” you sighed, rephrasing “Maybe something that I should know about? Something concerning me? And possibly you?”

He paused, looking at you carefully “I-” he let a soft sigh, eyebrows pulling into a frown “I haven't told him about... us, yet, if- if that's what you'd like to hear but- There was a mention of you and-” he stopped himself, giving you a reassuring smile “It's stupid. It's just a stupid talk, I brushed it off as soon as it was over with. That's why I didn't bring it up to begin with.”

“So I was right then. Bucky's been thinking about something else other than you getting back from the time travel all safe and sound.” somehow, having your thoughts verified put you more on edge than calmed you down.

“Well, I mean-” he shrugged softly, smile reassuring but his eyes were anything but that “I really had to survive getting all the stones to their places and coming back to you. It wasn't easy and with all that at risk I guess that it was something that could be considered like just another usual talk of not doing anything stupid while he was gone.”

“Rogers, I've heard the 'Taking all the stupid with you.' talk before, and this ain't it. You looked like-” you huffed, crossing your arms over your chest, your eyes moving back and forth as you studied him “I know you, and I know you and Buck better than anyone else. Something was said between the two of you that you may think isn't much but it actually was. What were his exact words?”

“Well, he said to be careful, to make sure I don't do anything stupid and in the end, his words were something more like-” he stopped when he noticed the pointed look you were giving him “Alright, his exact words 'Tell her I said hello.' that was it. I didn't even understand what he was trying to-” but he paused, this time no words needing to be added or questions to be answered as the both of you felt the realization dawn on you.

“Oh” he breathed out as he blinked several times, no more words could come out given how dry his mouth.

“Oh” you repeated, voice more tight and words much more sharp but without any anger. If anything, from the way you pulled to yourself and away from him to how you carefully looked at him with... weary and almost sad eyes “So... did you? Say hello to Peggy, I mean. It's clear that's what he meant.”

“I didn't kno-” he stopped, letting out a frustrated sigh “I didn't even know what he meant, (Y/n), and I didn't plan to talk with anybody to begin with. The mission was rather clear anyway. I don't understand why Bucky would say-”

“I can easily think of a reason or two. And I can't say I blame him.”

“Reasons?” his gaze darkened but there was no anger behind it, not directed at you at least “What kind of reasons would he have to think that? And what do you mean by not blaming him? Do you think that I would have gone to Peggy too, (Y/n)? Answer me. Do you really think I could do that to you?”

“Well, to answer your first question-” you paused, looking down for a moment “If you didn't carry that compass with you all the time, then maybe he wouldn't have a reason to think that you would stay back in time with Peggy. And I- I just happened to find it in your clothes as I was doing laundry, that's all.”

“Did you open it?” it surprised to hear his voice being so soft instead of angry at you finding something so personal, even by accident. Though in all honesty you should be the one that got angry given how he carried a photo of his ex around all the time. But it saddened you more than could anger you.

“No, Steve, I told you I found it by accident. I respect your privacy, I wouldn't-”

“Because then maybe if you did-” he approached you, taking something out of his pocket “Then you would notice that yes I do carry it around all the time but not in the way you would imagine.” he opened the compass to show you a photo you remember him having taken of you many years ago. The one he always said he loved the most because of how carefree you were in it. “I never told you because... well, to tell you the truth I felt a little bit embarrassed about it. I've been- I've actually had your photo here before we even... Before we even got together. Years now, not much later after I met you.”

“You... oh.” you breathed out, blinking before you looked up from the compass to meet his eyes “I- I never opened it and Bucky... he must have never seen inside of it.” you whispered and he nodded his head “Oh my Gosh” you gasped, shaking your head and closing your eyes, feeling the guilt crawl up your chest. Steve didn't deserve any of it, not when he'd been really only a total sweetheart to you, a great boyfriend in every sense of the word “Gosh, I'm- Steve, I'm so sorry. I didn't think-”

“It's ok, it's ok. I don't blame you. Maybe... I actually blame myself, to be honest. I should have told you, should not have let you have doubts over something like this. I should not let you doubt how I feel about you, how much I love you and always will, not for a second. That's not how relationships work, not how they should work and I'm a terrible boyfriend for making you go through this.” he took your hand in his “And Peggy... Peggy is in the past, that's where she stays, and I am thankful for that because if it wasn't for all this, then I would not have met you.”

“You're a great boyfriend, the best one I could ever get, honey. I'm-” you sighed heavily, resting your head on his chest “I shouldn't have kept it inside me either. I knew about the compass for a long time now but didn't say a thing. If I had told you about then I would know the truth and then-”

“There's no reason to worry about what ifs, not now. What we really should worry about is something else entirely. And I'm beginning to think that there will be no easy way to solve that one.” he whispered in a low, grave voice that truth was put back a heavier weight on your shoulders.

“Yeah, no surprise my brother would think that you were going to stay back with her.” you let out a shaky breath, pulling away from your boyfriend just a bit “Oh gosh...” your eyes widened “He thought you were hooked on Peggy all this time and that I- Steve, he must have also thought you were going to hurt me. Hurt me worse than before.”

“He- what?”

“I- I didn't pay much attention though I guess I was mostly getting carried away by my own wishful thinking. Bucky once- Well, we more or less have had conversations about you and me, more than once. But there was that time when Bucky really seemed interested in my... feelings about you, whether they were entirely friendly as we let him think, or not.”

“And?” he frowned.

“I don't know what I let on, what it looked like to him because he can read me so well but- but the most possible scenario is that... he thought I was pining after you and that you were hooked on Peggy. Thinking that you would stay back with her he must have imagined I would be hurt so now...”

“Now he's confused and weary and he won't even believe me when I tell him that I love you. If I am to tell him about us, he'll think I am probably looking for an excuse to get over Peggy. Great.” he huffed, dragging a hand down his face.

You groaned, shaking your head before laying completely down on the couch “Why must everything be so hard?” you buried your face in your hands “I just want my brother to know about us, accept it and be happy about us just like that, like magic. Why can't that be reality the second I open my eyes?”

“Cause I've fucked it up, that's why.” he said and you chuckled, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Language?” you asked softly and he shook his head, his arms sneaking around your waist as he rested his chin on your chest and looked up at you through his lashes.

“I think we've already established that that's far from the case anymore.” he pointed out and you couldn't hold back a chuckle.

“Oh yeah, let's not forget to tell my brother about it too. I would love nothing more than to see him find out just how much bad language and dirty talking you can do while doing exactly what you said before. Fuc-”

“Alright, let's not get that carried away, shall we? Besides, I didn't know you would like your boyfriend to be murdered on the spot by his best friend so much. Because that's what is gonna happen.” he pointed out and you sighed.

You groaned once more “I had almost forgotten that that's the reality I'm living in.”

“Well, that... I could probably help with for once.” he whispered, leaning up to kiss under your jaw “And afterwards I'll fix everything else, talk to Bucky and tell him everything about us.”

“Honey, really I love the effort but, how about we don't talk about my brother anymore, yeah? Especially while you're between my legs.” you asked with a smirk, feeling his chest rumble with a laugh against your as he moved his lips over your neck all the way up to your lips.

“Think you can keep my mouth occupied so that I don't bring him up again?” he looked a you, raising an eyebrow and this time you couldn't help your own laugh.

“Think I can come up with a few interesting options, actually.” your lips were closer to his “Though it would involve less clothes, sadly.”

“Sadly.” he grinned, his lips finding yours in the kind of kiss you had so many times before found yourself getting lost. The kind of kiss that you could gladly enjoy for hours but which, this time, didn't even last more than three seconds.

“Sadly indeed.”

Hearing the third voice in the room which you really didn't expect anyone else for at least the next couple hours, was a great surprise. But to hear that specific voice didn't just make you jump in surprise, but actually push Steve away as if electricity shot right through you.

“Buck?” Steve asked in a low, gruff voice, as he looked up over the back of the couch.

“What the hell are you doing?” your brother's voice was unlike what you had ever heard him and it made you take in a shaky breath.

“Bucky, no listen we can explain, we-”

“I wasn't talking to you. You and I will have a conversation later. For now, I'm asking my best bud-” he turned to look at Steve and if looks could kill then Steve wouldn't be alive anymore. The icy glare made your own eyes widen “What the fuck are you doing with my sister?”

“Calm down, Bucky, there is a very simple explanation. If you'd just calm down a bit-”

“Don't tell me to calm down, Rogers, or so help me. You will see exactly what I was taught as a winter soldier. Especially if you don't take your hands off my sister, right now!”

“Alright-” Steve did as told, his own features darkening as he got more serious. Though nothing was as scary as looking at your brother at that time. And the worst part was that you weren't scared for yourself, but Steve. He could hurt him real bad if he wanted to, if he got any more angry and it could easily happen when you and your happiness were involved. You were each other's only family and while you were only adopted, that didn't lessen your bond in the least bit.

“Alright, I'll keep my distance and everything so long as you promise not to do anything rash and just sit for a moment to listen to me, yeah?”

“Listen huh? I'd love to see what kind of excuse you're gonna come up with for this.” he scoffed, shaking his head “I don't need any excuses, Steve. I know this exactly for what it is, which is exactly why you are gonna stay the hell away from my sister and then-” he paused to look at Steve, practically fuming in that moment unlike the blonde who was keeping his calm “You and I will have a good long talk. Before you never see her again, that is.”

“Buck, you gotta hear me out. And if not me-” Steve clenched his fists for a moment “If not me, then at least listen to your sister. This is not how we planned for it to go but everything will make sense once you give us a chance. Fighting won't solve a thing.”

“I'm pretty serious to test that out. It sure will make me feel a whole lotta better afterwards.” Bucky narrowed his eyes at his friend.

“Buck.” Steve clenched his jaw, letting out a sigh as he shook his head “This won't solve anything. You have to sit down, calm down and listen. Please this is not-”

“What it looks like? Yeah, I think I already got the idea. I saw it for what it really is.”

“You got shit, Bucky, and I'm tired of listening to you threatening my boyfriend like that anymore.” you huffed, walking away from Steve to stand between him and your brother “For the love of, we didn't want you to find out like this. I mean, you shouldn't even be here, so don't blame us for it! Weren't you and Sam working today anyway? It's not like we were prepared to!”

“Don't call him that. Don't.” he looked back at you only for a moment before he set his eyes on Steve again “He's not and sure as hell is not going to be that, not as long as it is up to me.”

“Well, too bad it ain't. And too bad it hasn't been for the past two years, Bucky, because newsflash: We've been dating for seven years already now.” you said, fast and without any attempt to sugar-coat it or make an introduction, instead crossed your arms over your chest and watched his eyes widen as his head snapped in your direction “And even if we weren't, I wasn't gonna ask for your opinion on who I should love. Your approval, yes it matters, but not your opinion.”

“You- what?” he gasped in shock, the surprise on his face and voice managing to make every hint of anger fade away instantly.

“Exactly that. Seven years now.” you shrugged, watching his wide eyes jump from you to Steve and back at you “Steve and I have been dating all this time and we didn't know how to tell you.”

“Seven years?!” he nearly exclaimed but you only relaxed more when you saw there was little to no anger present anymore.

“Seven years minus some actually.” Steve said softly “In a week it's gonna be seven.”

“Shit” your eyes widened “I almost forgot. I gotta go get you something. You think that shop by the corner is gonna be open this week? Cause I saw the owner had to close it cause of-”

“Hey, hey focus, ok? That's not the point here. Shop's gonna open up. I don't know if you're still gonna have a boyfriend to give a gift to that is. So just look at me here and try to explain this a little bit better. You two have been dating, without me or anyone else knowing, for seven whole years and some more?”

“Well, Peter does. I mean, he nearly walked in on us so he probably wants to forget it too, so I'm guessing that doesn't count.” you shrugged, but sighed with a roll of your eyes when your brother gave you a hard look “Alright, young Luke Skywalker, chill out, will you? And you're not going to do anything to Steve, not when you know that all is good between him and I. Matter of fact-” you took hold of your brother's hand to make sure you had his full attention and that he wouldn't do anything rush “Everything is better than ever before in my life. I am better. Happier, happier than I have ever been before and all of it thanks to him, Bucky. All thanks to him.”

“You-” the words had the exact effect you were hoping for; it was like a switch was flipped inside him and his features softened more than ever before as he met your eyes “How?” he asked in a soft, low voice and you couldn't help but laugh softly.

“How? It's easy Buck.” you took a step forward, all the while keeping eye-contact to make sure you got your point across with all the honesty you could master “I am in love. Truly, utterly and helplessly in love. For the first time in my life, I know it's the real thing. And I- I want you to be happy for me, not angry o-or bitter. Because Steve has never done a single thing to hurt me in all these years. And if you're concerned over just how much Steve really loves me, well, the idiot's been carrying a photo he took of me for years now and looking at it when he thought nobody was around so-” you shrugged softly, giving your brother a reassuring smile.

“I just-” Bucky blinked several times, shock or surprise didn't seem to be enough to cover up what he felt. He looked at Steve, frowning for a moment “I thought-”

“That I was hooked on Peggy? That I was gonna stay back in time with her? Bucky I never, not even once, not even for a split second thought of giving up what I have here for anything else in the world. I-” he took a step forward, and as if reading his mind, you pulled away from your brother and stood by your boyfriend's side as he took your hand in his and locked fingers with yours all the while focusing on your brother “I love you sister more than anything in my life. More than my own life. And while I would fight anyone for her... you are someone that I would very much like to have on my side, instead of the opposite.”

“I'm just-” Bucky groaned, shaking his head “I'm so damn confused. You came back Steve and I was so certain you and Peggy-” he stopped when he noticed the hint of sadness on your face so he referred from going on “I mean, I had seen the look you were giving (Y/n), alright I'm not an idiot. And I've taken notice of the touches too. But I never thought-”

“You imagined he was using me to get over her?” you whispered, getting both their attention but you gave Steve a small squeeze hoping he'd understand that you didn't feel that way and that you knew the truth.

“Well-” Bucky sighed “To tell you the truth, yes, that's exactly it.”

“Buck” Steve took a step forward, still holding your hand “You've know me your whole life so you can tell when I say that I would rather die before I dared hurt your sister in that kind of way and that bad, is true and no exaggeration. So please believe me when I say I want to keep making her happy while I have your blessing.”

“I mean, you're Captain America, how much better can it get? Any brother would approve of that.” you said with a soft smile at your boyfriend and he let out a nervous laugh.

“Well, I'm not just any brother. So the title ain't gonna cut it. But, you're a grown up woman, much as it is hard for me to admit, and you are free to make your own choices. I'm not going to stand in the way, not when you...” he trailed off for a moment, smiling at you almost in disbelief to see how happy you really were and standing by his best friend's side at that “No, I'm glad and more than relieved.”

“So that means we're good, right?” you asked hopefully “You're not gonna beat the crap out of my boyfriend?”

“Yes and no.” his eyes hardened but not in any threatening way, more protective than anything else “You're not off the hook. And you and I are gonna have a long and way overdue conversation, Rogers. Come on, move.”

“Where to?” Steve frowned.

“The training room. Been a long while since we trained together, right bud?” he said far-from-innocently before leaving the room.

“He's gonna beat the crap out of me.” Steve sighed, shaking his head.

“If it's any comfort... I'll patch you up later and you could kiss me all you want?”

[nanakah]

about Ishigami, his growth and Miko's role

most people, myself included, thought at some point that Tsubame's rejection (or acceptance) could wrap up Ishigami's arc and even his past's flashbacks neatly, but Osaragi's arc suddenly revealing there was more to his relationship with Miko made me reflect more and think nah...if anything we're halfway there. It also showed glimpses of him already struggling to find his place in the world by quitting his clubs, even though he was successful at them and there was no Ootomo incident yet to undermine his self-image.

It seemed odd that despite everything he went through he still has his "hair=shield/averting eyes" theme going strong, but it makes sense if you consider even though Tsubame helped him see the way to be more accepting of people and cleared his name, his self-esteem still is super low. I spoke of this in my "sutera" meta, but to Ishigami, his life still has been a sucession of failures and almosts. At his core, he still hasn't fully opened up to people or learned to use his vulnerabilities to his advantage.

If I have grabbed your interest thus far, keep reading for more considerations!

Tsubame is kind to anyone and attempted to do good for him, but ultimately he was never fully himself around her, nor she tried/he alllowed her reaching out to the deepest parts of his insecurities. She doesn't show her own flaws to him either and to this day we get the feeling we don't know her well, just the best parts that Ishigami wanted to see. Kaguya, Miyuki and Chika contribute a lot in a sibling-like way, but there's a limit to how much Kaguya in particular can inspire him. Miko however, has scratched a little beneath the surface and has expressed an interest in helping him with that, even if he himself is still avoiding the topic. She's also more relatable to him in the sense that the rest of the stuco has a history of successes in their lives, while he was able to watch Miko's hardships and failures closely. Their panic attacks even look similar and they're always watching the other to provide backup (in a very roundabout way, at least before) when they happen.

While their personalities are fundamentally different, his arc and struggles remind me a lot of Miyamura from Horimiya and today, as I was musing on what is so different about them as of now, I believe it's how Miyamura didn't have a single *traumatic* mistake to get over, so he goes down his development road much faster. Putting it another way, it's ultimately that Ishigami hasn't yet learned to be kind to himself like Miyamura has through Hori. Like Shirogane and Kaguya are through themselves. In Miyamura's case, sympathizing with how Hori despite her strong exterior can be very fragile inside but still support him (fight for him, defend him, accept his true self, not judge him, hear him, make him feel good enough) made him feel compelled to grow stronger to protect her back.

Miko as she was at the beggining of the story couldn't provide Ishigami this sort of stability (and that's where Osaragi's "prettier story"/"you weren't there for him" reasoning fails) even if deep down she wanted to, but now after making many mistakes, learning from them and becoming more flexible, she absolutely can. Both Ishigami and Miko have deeply rooted issues that took them more than just each other to flesh out and develop, but they're very much the missing puzzle piece the other needs.

Miko still very much has room for growth as well, mainly concerning finding a middle ground between her "bad girl" and "good girl" personas that Ishigami can easily see through, as demonstrated by the consolation chapter. She tried being "bad", she attempted lying but was still saying half-truths, because her love of justice isn't just out of parental abandonment issues or loneliness - she does believe them sincerely. The moment Ishigami headpated her and shared genuine, spot-on words of concern and admiration (thus a hint of fondness), it was all over for her trying to keep up the love-warfare upper hand.

That's not actually new - Ishigami has always demonstrated he was able to see glimpses of her true self, be it teasing how she's an otaku or a closet pervert and such, he never fully bought the strait-laced image she aspired to make real. But it did take him being around her more to see she could be sweet to him and as he puts it, that smiling more is not a bad look on her. Miko says to Osaragi your true self only comes through interacting with others, so given how lonely she has always been (and how the one person close to her - Osaragi - was actually keeping things between them superficial because of her own problems), it's no surprise she's only finding out now who she is. Ishigami can help Miko find a better compromise of good/bad after both not following any rules at all for so long and recently learning that hard work can pay off. Miko immersing herself in his hobby will clash with her rigid study schedule sooner or later, and he'll know how to help her with that better than anyone else.

On the other hand, Ishigami's moral compass, romanticism (love for flowers, planing dates etc) and idealism aren't things he is proud of...yet. He protects himself with layers of cynism, especially in his first appearances, but he is always being contradictory and letting it slip how idealistic/pure he is at heart. He also is only now learning to like his outward image with things like fitness/studying and finding out it's not like he never cared about it - it's just that he was scared shitless of failure, thus never even tried hard in the first place to avoid being hurt. And as I have advocated for in the Sutera post, I expect Miko in some level to help him come to terms with seeing good in himself. Heck, even being able to game with her now and showing off how good he is and having her appreciate it is gonna do wonders to make him feel more "adequate". Tsubame's arc had a lot of him changing himself to become "better", but Miko on the other hand is trying to put herself in HIS shoes to maybe go "hey, I like you as you are. I'm trying to understand you more and put effort in for you".

Ishigami and Miko start out watching out for each other behind their backs - which instead of helping their relationship, drives them further apart because they think the other side is showing no appreciation. As the story progresses, they're slowly learning to make each other more aware of their support, and it is making them open up more in general.

They have a strong belief the other wants to be rescued and there is truth in that. Both want help and to be recognized for their efforts, but won't cry out for it. In the unplugged earbuds chapter Ishigami takes it upon himself to protect Miko's reputation in spite of himself, the election arc has him actually putting effort into the campaign just for the sake of protecting her and at first posing as a rival of hers to Shirogane only to reveal he's trying to "make Miko smile", he is constantly fending off men from interacting with her as protection (while also sounding jealous), he was way more protective of her when she was wearing that cast than needed and is now being able to openly headpat her and sounds almost like her "soothing sounds" from the days of yore lol Sure Tsubame seems like his start to becoming "a better man", but all the way back on the election, it was for Miko's sake that we first SEE him putting effort into *anything* without being coerced by anyone to take action.

And while it's more discreet compared to Ishigami's "white knight" attitude, Miko also tries hard to protect him - cheering him on during the sports festival race and wanting to console him before the stuco intervened, telling him he should study (but he thinks it's just nagging), christmas (which I'll elaborate bellow), making sure he was able to graduate middle school by actually confronting school staff and, of course, their very first meeting as recently revealed.

Many people hated the entirety of Osaragi's arc, but 232 gave very juicy info indeed. Ishigami's reason for supporting Miko from the shadows comes from admiration AND part gratitude for her attempting to talk to him and listen to what troubles him, and seeing they actually had a "falling out" argument was game changing.

He looks sad and troubled to have shut her down there, not simply angry, and so does she (there's tears in her eyes when her face is shown in the next page) - despite her black and white sense of justice at this point of the story, she still wanted to listen to him. And even after that outburst she still believed the rumors weren't real, unlike Osaragi sees it - otherwise she wouldn't have made the effort for him to be able to move on to high school. Why would she care, if she truly hated him and thought he was in the wrong?

If any further proof was needed at all that this info is important, I'm happy to say we have more. I noticed the Christmas stairs scene mirrors this exact falling out moment: "Go away"/"Suit yourself"

But this time Miko had already decided to change, had already seen the mess their relationship became the last time she did not reach out to him and thus already had their previous falling out in mind - meaning she decides to chase after him.

I don't like how the scanlations handled this scene because reading the japanese raws, my interpretation was that Miko was sounding "annoying" because she was still kinda drunk/unfiltered and freaking out when talking to Ishigami, not outright berating him like the Jaimini's box translation made it look like. She also sounds too angry after the fall, so I generally thought Viz's version (the panel shown above) was closer to the original.

"I always have to take care of you! You keep putting youself in danger. You can't make it on your own." is a better translation than Jaimini's, and also parallels better what Ishigami is often telling Miko as well (That she keeps putting herself in danger and that he has to be around to keep her in check). But with 232 in mind, I think it misses a nuance of the original line: "ほんとあんたは 私が居ないと危なっかしく駄目ね" - "Honto anta wa watashi ga inaito abunakkashiku dame ne" - while I'm a novice at japanese studies, gathering from what I can read and trying to get a feel of the whole sentence, it's closer to "So it really is dangerous to you if I'm not there/ It's no good if I'm not around you". You can take that as her being full of herself, which is the route Jaimini's goes ("You'd be screwed without me") but that's too hostile - Viz's got the spirit of wanting to protect him better, but the original has an implication that she has "tested not being there"/failed being there before (due to not fully siding with him in middle school) that's absent elsewhere.

IMO the reason Ishigami's "closed his eyes" arc is not over yet is because he hasn't accepted or gotten over or fully learned from his past yet, he simply shut it down. That's why briefly during the sports festival his eyes are in plain view, then go back to their usual for the balloon gag. I'm not sure if Ootomo herself will make a comeback, may or may not - regrets are regrets and sometimes the only solution to them is letting them stay in the past. But the topic of how he saw Miko in middle school and the letter certainly are being set up to still show up in the story.

If I compare him to Miyamura again, he'd still be at the point before Miyamura's haircut - not wanting to face the parts of himself he doesn't like, not quite ready to change. Not quite ready to patch up his own wounds yet and instead silencing everything from his past.

In this sense, Miko does wonders to make him feel more confident even if he hasn't realized it yet, and she's always dropping little hints she'd like him to worry about his future not in a naggy way, but because she genuinely prays for his success. He unconsciously wants Miko to think well of him and it fills him with confidence and a more prideful image of himself he doesn't really display to anyone else, not even Tsubame - like his usages of "ore" (a more manly/confident way of addressing himself) around her (AND HER ALONE):

( I don't like the available translations to the staircase scene either, lol. Zaibatsu has conveyed the tone of the second scene up there perfectly. For the staircase line, I've seen "I'll be there to catch you" and "I'll save you" which are contextually correct, but to me the original "俺が絶対守る" - "I (ore) will absolutely protect you" carries a much more romantic nuance or ambiguity, regardless of him realizing it at that point. It's like, the title to one of the most romantic moments/songs in the CCS Clear card anime ost, for instance. OF COURSE MIKO LOVES HIM. The narrator doesn't overexplain or take apart Ishimiko's interactions like for Prezguya, but all the evidence needed is there. And I gotta add the very next chapter to the staircase one is the "eternal love" x "real love" I'm super fond of that says fate is irrelevant and to find real love you must use your head to realize/understand things, so makes the romantic subtext even greater.)

This whole affair is also making me open my eyes that I should try to study japanese more...of course I'm happy to have translations and scanlators working hard, but there is something inherently lost in adaptations because it robs you of connecting with the author's intentions unless it was the author who wrote the translation in the first place

Thinking back on Ishigami's early "i wanna die/i'm going home/don't look at me" role, it seems unbelievable we're at the point he's now able to directly confront a "stranger" (lololol) or make serious promises with so much confidence.

PLEASE DON'T END SO SOON MANGA, I NEED MORE.

( off-topic kind of, but i'm lazy to make a separate post just for it: Since I mentioned things lost in translation, I saw something on Discord about Ishigami having an unreliable narrator moment in the "compliments" chapter/Iino Miko cannot love part 4 and holy molly, it is true. He first says something akin to "You're just too beautiful" out of context, Miko HEARS IT - and that's why she looks so shocked before asking for clarification - and he DID SAY IT in the speech bubble, but after she's nice to him and he thinks back to what he said he adds a "Your handwriting is just too beautiful" to his flashback. I'm ONTO HIM. ONTO HIM I SAY. It is what he meant, but it's like his mouth betrayed him. Whether it's unconscious or denial...it totally is something. The scanlation completely skips this and had the same line both times it's mentioned.)

[meadows-of-light]

Prompts 1500-1599

1500) I grew up without a mother, without anybody who loved me & I can't just sit back & watch (child’s name) be taken from her mother. If (name) doesn't show up, I have to make things right. They need four vampires...each related by blood to (child’s name). I can be the fourth if I turn.

1501) When you said goodbye, I was too quick to let you go. I never really thought it'd actually be the last time I saw you. I was just acting strong.

1502) When you said goodbye, I told you I'd find you. Track you down. Well looks like you did it, after all. Went somewhere I can't follow.

1503) I'm so sorry for the things I said (name). I didn't mean them. I was so angry. I picked up the amulet the moment you walked away. It wasn't worthless. Nothing from you ever was.

1504) You should be proud of who you are.

1505) Now I know why you always told me to stay strong, you knew that one day I would need the strength to bear your loss.

1506) You were there for me when no one else was, you believed in me when no one else did, you stayed when everyone else walked away.

1507) I never thought we would end up like this.

1508) I've got a war in my heart.

1509) He died. I don't wanna feel because I'm not okay, I miss him so much it hurts, will this pain ever go away? Will it be like this forever? I tried to distract myself, but nothing makes me feel better.

1510) And that makes it okay?

1511) What would you do if I didn't come back?

1512) Do you know what it's like?

1513) How do you think this ends?

1514) Do you know what a gunshot wound feels like?

1515) Is this how you thought your life would be?

1516) I’m afraid you’ll end up seeing me the way I see myself.

1517) I loved them more than anything in this world, & they’re dead because of me.

1518) I don’t think anyone has ever said that to me before.

1519) You were the only person who stayed by my side when everyone else left.

1520) There’s still no one that can replace you.

1521) Yea, but it was supposed to me & you.

1522) Your compassion is a gift, carry it with you forever.

1523) If (name) was the soul of our family then (name) was the heart.

1524) All of us live with demons within ourselves, somedays it controls us & somedays you control it.

1525) She's the flowers, but she's also the rain. She's the beauty of the day, but also the nights full of pain.

1526) There ain't no rest for the wicked unless we close our eyes for good.

1527) It took me a hundred years to find them & only a year to lose them.

1528) But this is the only thing that's made the last three years bearable.

1529) I miss moments like this more than anything.

1530) I am the one not running, not staying, but facing. Because if I am the last one, then I am humanity & if this is humanity's last war, then I am the battlefield.

1531) The worst thing that could possibly happen, actually did.

1532) Oh honey, you can't break a broken heart.

1533) Isn’t it wonderful how you’re always finding new songs, new books, new shows, new hobbies, new places & new people to fall in love with? There will always be things to love, as long as you stick around to find them.

1534) You’re so young & you have so much time. Life is longer than you think, & there will be time for you to do everything. If you lost your youth to mental illness or abuse, your life isn’t over. You can do everything you missed out on, & more. If you’re losing your youth right now, there will be time for you to do the things you want to do. It’s gonna be okay, you still have time.

1535) You’re allowed to hate your illness. You’re allowed to hate your body for making you sick. You’re allowed to be angry, to be negative, to be depressed. You don’t have to be ‘inspiration porn’ or please others for the sake of being palatable. Being sick all the time fucking sucks, that’s it.

1536) Thank you for being there when no one cares for me & for lifting me up when I'm about to give up.

1537) That's my girl, tough as cotton balls.

1538) We train our daughters to be leaders.

1539) Thank you for existing, but mostly thank you for taking the misery & pain out of my life.

1540) Do you understand that we'll never be the same again?

1541) Find the place inside where there is joy & the joy will burn out the pain.

1542) I knew it, she's tough like her mom.

1543) Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?

1544) She deserves someone who makes her realize she isn’t that hard to love.

1545) She wants someone who makes her believe in things again, but she’ll never ask that of anyone. So, she’ll stay silent & guarded & fearful. She’ll hide a heart that’s worthy of the best type of love hoping maybe things will change.

1546) You’re stronger than you know. You’ve gotten through everything life has thrown at you so far, & you can make it through this too, I promise.

1547) There is so much more to life than your mental illness. This pain, this emptiness, this sadness is such a small part of what life holds for you. One day you will be filled with so much unbridled joy that you won’t even remember what it feels like to be this sad. There is so much in store for you, I promise. There is more to life than what you’re experiencing right now.

1548) It doesn’t make you unlovable or a horrible person if you don’t have many friends. It can be difficult to meet new people if you’re shy or quiet or have anxiety. It can be difficult to stay in touch with people if you can’t find the time or energy to remain in contact. It can be difficult to make new friends if you struggle to find people you click with or who are interested in the same things as you. None of those things mean you’re unlovable.

1549) If you ever question your worth, I want you to know that you make the night sky shine a little brighter. You make the seasons a little more colorful. You make the bad times a little less painful. You add beauty to everything. Because of you, the world is glowing, my love. Your existence matters so much. You add importance & value to this life. Please never forget that. You are worthy.

1550) There is always that one person in your life that does not give you enough credit for surviving. For making it this far. For all of your talents. For how amazing you are & ninety-nine per cent of the time that person is you, my love. You do not give yourself enough credit. For everything. You are so worthy. You are so talented. You are so good at something. Do not overlook all of your special features, just because you are used to them. You are freaking incredible- everything about you is. You are so damn special & it is time that you finally appreciate & see how amazing you are. Give yourself credit. For absolutely everything you are capable of. You deserve it so much.

1551) Feeling sensitive & emotional is okay. Feeling like you are about to tear up, feeling weak, feeling as if you have reached your limit - all of this is okay. You are not overreacting. You are not being dramatic. You are not unnormal. Let your emotions out. Let the tears roll. Let the pain come. You need to feel it in order to heal it, my love. I just want you to know that it is perfectly fine to feel like breaking at any point of the day (or of your life) & your feelings are never invalid. Never ever.

1552) Wounds take time to heal. When they are fresh, they hurt. The deeper the wound, the stronger the pain. When they start healing, they sting. You have to take great care of them, address them, rest, be patient. While healing, it can happen that the wound opens up & causes pain all over again. But eventually it will heal. A scar will form, visible at the beginning but fading with every day that passes. I am here to remind you that this process does not only apply to physical wounds but to mental / emotional wounds as well. Do not be hard on yourself while recovering, my love. Healing wounds, especially deep ones, take so much time & effort. They will open up again, they will be painful & that is good because it is proof that you are healing.

1553) I know right now it feels like nothing will ever get better & that your mind might only wander to everything that could go wrong or situations that will stress you out. But darling, there are so many good things in the world - good things that will happen to you. Think about all the beaches you're going to see, all the concerts you're going to go to, all the people you haven't met yet, all the places & cities you're going to visit, all the recipes you're going to try out, all the souls you're going to fall in love with & all the endless opportunities you'll be offered. Your mind may portray the future as dark & scary but that doesn't mean that it is. You're going to bloom & you're going to be happy. Your future shines so bright, my love. Please don't listen to the voices in your head; instead of imagining everything that could fail, imagine everything that can (& will) go right.

1554) Someone who makes you happy, gives you love, makes you smile & helps you breathe on the dark days does not complete you. You are whole on your own. You are a completed masterpiece, my love. They rather complement you. They are strong when you are weak, they are positive when you feel negative, they help when you are in need & they love when you do not even love yourself & you do the same for them. It is not that they give you light, it is that with them your own light shines even brighter. Always remember that.

1555) This one is for you: For the person who never lets anyone see their demons or the battle they're fighting inside their head; for the person who gives everything to help those in need but doesn't seem to get the same care back; for the person who's hurting inside but hiding it with a smile on the outside even though what fills their nights are dark thoughts & cries; this one is for you, my love. I want you to know that I see you. I see right through the mask you're putting on everyday & I'm here to tell you that you can put it down. Drop it. Finally let those feelings out. It's okay. I'm here. I won't judge. I will support you as you heal in your own way.

1556) Memories always bring back the pain.

1557) Everyday, everyday I wanted to kill myself so the pain can go away.

1558) I give up, it will never get better.

1559) There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don’t know how.

1560) I know you've been hurt by someone else; I can tell by the way you carry yourself.

1561) As long as I’m here, no one can hurt you.

1562) Since my dog likes you, then I guess I like you too.

1563) Don't break someone's heart, they only have one. Yeah, break their bones. They have 206 of those.

1564) When life gives you lemons, you-. Squeeze them into your enemy's eyes as you watch them suffer in agony, while you squeeze more lemons so they can't see. No!

1565) I'm no longer a human being. I identify as a chicken nugget.

1566) Everyone, hold your horses! Hold them close, cherish them—. What? I don’t know, I haven’t slept in three days.

1567) Can we please stop saying the word 'sugar daddy'? Glucose guardian

1568) I honestly don't remember the last time I was happy.

1569) How am I supposed to go on?

1570) I got these because I know they’re your favorite.

1571) Forget the past, remember the lesson.

1572) You can lock yourself away from everyone else but please don’t push me away.

1573) I made her lose her smile.

1574) If you’re going to dress like that, I’m not going to let you out of my sight.

1575) My greatest regret was letting my walls down & trusting you with my heart. I wish I never met you.

1576) The voices haven't gone away & I think they're getting worse. I think I'm getting worse.

1577) I know you don't let yourself get close to anyone, but I wish you'd let yourself get close to me.

1578) You can push everyone away, but I promise you I'm not going anywhere. Nothing you can do will ever push me away.

1579) I know they're dead, I know that, but I keep seeing them everywhere & every time I get close to them, they're gone. I just feel like I'm losing my mind.

1580) I know you've been gone for months & you'll probably never get this, but I miss you. I miss you so much & I wish you were here because it's getting so much harder to wake up & keep doing all this.

1581) They're gone, they're just gone now & I have to pretend to be okay because everyone else is hurting & so I have to be there for them & I don't have time to break down because everyone else needs me, but I just need someone right now. I can't do this anymore; I can't keep pretending I'm fine because I'm not. I'm really not.

1582) I don't feel like I'm in control anymore, it feels like I'm in a car & it's mine but someone else is in the front seat & in the passenger seat & I'm in the back far away from the wheel.

1583) A person who has a beautiful soul, kindness through their veins, songs live in their heart, & love pours out in their speech. They are lively, bright, & radiate love & joy. They are captured. Taken away from everyone & everything they love. Taken away from what makes them who they are. How do you heal someone from that?

1584) You will always regret losing the chance to love someone.

1585) Please, just hang on. Please. For me.

1586) I'm sorry I get mad. I'm sorry I get sad. I'm sorry I'm not always smiling. I'm sorry I overthink everything. I'm sorry I can't sleep at night. I'm sorry for saying the things I say. I'm sorry I'm so complicated. I'm sorry I'm a mess. I'm sorry for being clingy. I'm sorry that when l get sad, I get quiet. I'm just so sorry for being me.

1587) To be reborn, you have to die first.

1588) Beware the lioness, for she is a natural hunter.

1589) She was my first love & we were madly in love; however, I was too young for serious relationships & chose career over love. Now I'm 30, recently I met her in a shopping center, she's now happily married & has a son. We sat in a cafe for four hours talking about everything, we both confessed we had the best time of our lives together. Well, I came home & simply burst into tears; how stupid I was to exchange the love of my life for all this. Don't let "your" people go.

1590) If you're dating someone with depression. They're going to be tired. Constantly. Don't let them stay in bed all day. They're not going to want to eat. Make them food anyway. They're going to want to cancel plans just to go home & watch Netflix. Take them out dancing anyway. They will look like they're not in the mood to be silly. Try to make them laugh anyway. They're going to want to cry over spilled coffee. Don't make it seem like it's not a big deal or that they're being dramatic. They're going to be happy & sad at the same time, & I know that sounds crazy but it's the truth. They're going to need constant reassurance that they're beautiful. Tell them. They're going to constantly need reassurance that you're not going to leave them. They aren't doubting you or questioning your love, depression comes with anxiety. It comes with no appetite, sleeping 10 hours & waking up tired. It comes with the illusion of standing in a room with hundreds of people & being seen by none of them. It doesn't make sense. It's impossible to understand so imagine how they feel. Fighting a constant internal battle. So be that support system. Reassure & love hard. Never give up on them.

1591) Just be with me, we'll figure out the details later.

1592) Do you know how you made me feel when you ignored me?

1593) There is peaceful, there is wild. I am both at the same time.

1594) Quiet people have the loudest minds.

1595) Eyes tell the best stories.

1596) I’m going to keep going until I succeed or die. Don’t think I don’t know how this might end. I’ve known it for years.

1597) You know how when you're in a car & it's pouring down rain, you go under a bridge & everything stops? Everything goes silent & it's almost peaceful, then you finally get from under the bridge, & everything hits you a little harder than before? You were my bridge.

1598) Sometimes it’s going to hurt. It will. You're going to sit on your floor screaming at the ceiling. Pulling at your hair & trying to pull the skin off your bones. You're going to fall asleep with tears burning at your eyes & praying that you won't wake up, but you will. You will always wake up. Be glad. It's going to stop hurting.

1599) Life after depression is a wonderous thing. You watch birthdays pass. Ages you thought you'd never see. You experience life events on a different plane reflecting on the past cause you didn't see a future. You slowly learn to love yourself, living with the scars that remind you of worse times. In the end all that matters the heartbeat in your chest, so you breathe in & out & continue to live.

[persephonememes]

* (  FOLKLORE ALBUM /  SENTENCE PROMPTS.

These may have been edited for clarity or length or to better apply for roleplaying.

the 1

❛ I'm doing good, I'm on some new shit ❜

❛ I’ve been saying "yes" instead of "no" ❜

❛ If you never bleed, you're never gonna grow ❜

❛ We were something, don't you think so? ❜

❛ If my wishes came true It would've been you ❜

❛ But it would've been fun if you would've been the one ❜

❛ You know the greatest loves of all time are over now ❜

❛ It's another day waking up alone ❜

❛ If one thing had been different would everything be different today? ❜

cardigan

❛ When you are young, they assume you know nothing ❜

❛ A friend to all is a friend to none ❜

❛ I knew you ❜

❛ Chase two girls, lose the one ❜

❛ You drew stars around my scars ❜

❛ I'm bleeding ❜

❛ I tried to change the ending ❜

❛ I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs ❜

❛ I knew I'd curse you for the longest time ❜

❛ Cause I knew everything when I was young ❜

❛ I knew you’d come back to me ❜

​the last great american dynasty

❛ There's only so far new money goes ❜

❛ Their parties were tasteful, if a little loud ❜

❛ There goes the last great American dynasty ❜

❛ There goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen ❜

❛ She had a marvelous time ruining everything ❜

❛ I had a marvelous time ruining everything ❜

❛ I had a marvelous time ❜

exile

❛ I think I've seen this film before and I didn't like the ending ❜

❛ What am I defending now? ❜

❛ You're not my homeland anymore ❜

❛ I'm not your problem anymore so who am I offending now? ❜

❛ We always walked a very thin line ❜

❛ I can see you staring ❜

❛ Second, third, and hundredth chances balancin' on breaking branches ❜

❛ You didn't even hear me out ❜

❛ You never gave a warning sign ❜

❛ I gave so many signs ❜

❛ I never learned to read your mind ❜

❛ I couldn't turn things around ❜

❛ You didn't even see the signs ❜

my tears ricochet

❛ Even on my worst day, did I deserve, all the hell you gave me? ❜

❛ I loved you ❜

❛ I swear I loved you 'til my dying day ❜

❛ I didn't have it in myself to go with grace ❜

❛ You're the hero flying around ❜

❛ You can aim for my heart ❜

❛ You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same ❜

❛ You turned into your worst fears ❜

❛ When I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave ❜

❛ I can go anywhere I want, just not home ❜

mirrorball

❛ I'll show you every version of yourself tonight ❜

❛ When I break, it's in a million pieces ❜

❛ I know they said the end is near ❜

❛ I can change everything about me to fit in ❜

❛ I'm still on that tightrope ❜

❛ I'm still a believer, but I don't know why ❜

❛ You'll find me on my tallest tip-toes spinning in my highest heels ❜

❛ I've never been a natural, all I do is try ❜

❛ I'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me ❜

seven

❛ Are there still beautiful things? ❜

❛ Cross your heart, won't tell no other ❜

❛ Love you to the moon and to Saturn ❜

❛ I think your house is haunted ❜

❛ I think you should come live with me ❜

❛ I used to scream ferociously any time I wanted ❜

august

❛ Are you sure? ❜

❛ Cause you were never mine ❜

❛ Will you call when you're back at school? ❜

❛ It was enough to live for the hope of it all ❜

❛ Meet me behind the mall ❜

❛ So much for summer love and saying "Us" ❜

❛ Cause you weren't mine to lose ❜

❛ You weren't mine to lose ❜

❛ I can see us lost in the memory ❜

❛ Cause you were never mine ❜

this is me trying

❛ I've been having a hard time adjusting ❜

❛ I didn't know if you'd care if I came back ❜

❛ I have a lot of regrets ❜

❛ I don't quite know what to say ❜

❛ I don't quite know what to say but I'm here in your doorway ❜

❛ I just wanted you to know that this is me trying ❜

❛ I got wasted like all my potential ❜

❛ I was so ahead of the curve that the curve became a sphere ❜

❛ I fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here ❜

❛ They told me all of my cages were mental ❜

❛ My words shoot to kill when I'm mad ❜

❛ At least I'm trying ❜

❛ It's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound ❜

❛ It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you ❜

❛ You're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town ❜

illicit affairs

❛ Make sure nobody sees you leave ❜

❛ Tell your friends you're out for a run ❜

❛ What started in beautiful rooms ends with meetings in parking lots ❜

❛ That's the thing about illicit affairs and clandestine meetings and longing stares ❜

❛ You leave no trace behind ❜

❛ They show their truth one single time but they lie ❜

❛ Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me ❜

❛ You showed me colors you know I can't see you with anyone else ❜

❛ Look at this idiotic fool that you made me ❜

❛ You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else ❜

❛ You know damn well for you, I would ruin myself a million little times ❜

​invisible string

❛ Teal was the color of your shirt when you were sixteen at the yogurt shop ❜

❛ Time gave me no compasses, gave me no signs ❜

❛ All along there was some invisible string tying you to me ❜

❛ Hell was the journey but it brought me heaven ❜

❛ One single thread of gold tied me to you ❜

mad woman

❛ What did you think I'd say to that? ❜

❛ They strike to kill, and you know I will ❜

❛ What do you sing on your drive home? ❜

❛ Every time you call me crazy, I get more crazy ❜

❛ When you say I seem angry, I get more angry ❜

❛ You'll poke that bear 'til her claws come out ❜

❛ There's nothing like a mad woman ❜

❛ Now I breathe flames each time I talk ❜

❛ It's obvious that wanting me dead has really brought you two together ❜

❛ I'm taking my time ❜

❛ You took everything from me ❜

epiphany

❛ It’s just a flesh wound ❜

❛ Some things you just can't speak about ❜

❛ Only twenty minutes to sleep ❜

betty

❛ You can't believe a word she says ❜

❛ The worst thing that I ever did was what I did to you ❜

❛ If I just showed up at your party would you have me? ❜

❛ I don't know anything but I know I miss you ❜

❛ I know where it all went wrong ❜

❛ I saw you dance with him ❜

❛ I dreamt of you all summer long ❜

❛ The only thing I wanna do is make it up to you ❜

❛ Will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends? ❜

peace

❛ Our coming-of-age has come and gone ❜

❛ I never had the courage of my convictions ❜

❛ I could never give you peace ❜

❛ I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm ❜

❛ I would die for you in secret ❜

❛ The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me ❜

❛ Would it be enough if I could never give you peace? ❜

❛ Your integrity makes me seem small ❜

❛ I'd give you my sunshine, give you my best ❜

❛ But the rain is always gonna come if you're standin' with me ❜

hoax

❛ This has broken me down ❜

❛ This has frozen my ground ❜

❛ Don't want no other shade of blue but you ❜

❛ You know I left a part of me back in New York ❜

❛ You knew the hero died so what's the movie for? ❜

❛ It still hurts underneath my scars ❜

❛ You knew you won so what's the point of keeping score? ❜

❛ What you did was just as dark ❜

❛ You have beaten my heart ❜

[gloomyhearts]

That's life || Steve Harrington

Chapter eight

November 10, 1983

Y/N's pov

"Dustin what's wrong?" He threw the door closed.

"Mike and Lucas fought and won't talk to each other" we sat on the sofa.

"and what happened?" I turned to face him.

"We searched after the gate."

"The new north?"

"Yeah and at some point Luke's compass showed another North than mine. Luke said that Eleven would manipulate them. Mike and him discussed over half an hour and then it escalated El threw Luke with his power against a car and Luke drove away. He never left us like that when he and Mike argued. I lost my party. I've got nothing left."

"You have me." I laughed to brighten him a bit up but it failed and he started to cry.

"Dusti, sweatheart everything will be fine. I know it. You all have this inseperable bond and no one will ever break it. You have to convince Mike to apoloize to Luke and then it'll be alrigth, trust me." he burried in my arms as we lay down on the sofa.

"I hope so. I can't loose another friends beside Will."

We lay in silence when our parents entered the room, yeah their travel week has end today.

I think by the time they entered Dustin was asleep. As my mother stood by the couch she mouthed 'is he?" and I only nodded. My dad came to us and carried Dustin in his arms to his room upstairs. Dustin is a deep sleeper in the second he fell asleep the world could end and he would'nt wake up. When my dad was out of the room my mom sat down next to me.

"So what happened?" I told my mother something on the phone but not everything, she shouldn't be involved too much.

"As I told you. Will went missing and a few days after he was found in the Lake. Two days ago we were on his funeral. Dustin is really damaged through this accident. He feels sorry that he couldn't protect Will. And today Luke and Mike argued and Dusti fears that his party is falling apart." she looked shocked at me after telling the events we went through the whole week alone.

"You don't have to worry mom. Dustin and I are fine. We have got each other and he knows I'm helping him with everything."

"I'm proud that you both love each other so much." she gave me a kiss on the forehead and left.

On the next day when I arrived at school there was this tension, I can't describe it but it was there. It was because of the funeral a few days ago but not that everyone was involved.

It was only the three of us, Nancy, Jonathan and me.

At lunch we sat in the nearst corner so nobody could eavesdrop our conversation.

"Ok so Nancy and I want to buy weapons and go for a hunt."

"This afternoon." Nancy adds after Jonathon doesn't seem to speak on.

"This afternoon? Why? I don't know if I can. I have to ask my mom. Maybe we could meet there or I'm coming where you're getting ready."

"Jonathan and I went to the forest behind Steve's house and there was something, we want to hunt." they both nodded as the school bell rang.

"See you later" we seperate and I went to my math class but have to stop at my locker before.

No one was in the hallway what was kind of creepy because otherwise it was full because students wanted to delay the break.

"Y/N." Someone touched my shoulder but I know exactly who it was.

"What?" I turned to face him.

"Why are Nanc and Jonathan hanging out so much lately?"

"I don't know. Ask her yourself I suggest"

"Do you know something? I saw them yesterday in Nanc' bedroom."

"Steve." I shut my locker and turn to him, "I really don't know even if I'd, I don't care about it."

"Why are you so harsh?"

"Why do you even care at all?"

"Because" he came closer and whispered, "I'm still caring about you. I still worry about you. I'm still your best friend"

He is what?! Where was he when I lost my grandmother, when Barb went missing?

"Ah no, Stephen. I don't believe you. You were my best friend yeah that's right but I wouldn't call you a friend anymore. So excuse me." I began to walk to my classroom and bumped intentionally his shoulder.

During my bike drive to the Byers house I listened to my favourite music on my Walkman including 'eye of the tiger' and 'under pressure'.

When I arrived at the location there were no one not even miss Byers.

Through the window I can see some Christmas lights hanging around in the living room and letters written on the wall.

Strange.

I took my bike and drove away.

When I drove by at the supermarket I saw Steve and his best friends standing around his car. Steve held a cola bottle to his eyes.

What happened there?

I didn't even notice that my feet were riding my bike to the entry of the market. As I arrived there Steven jumped up from his car and walked towards me.

"Y/N, hey there" he tried to hug me.

"What happened to your face" I pointed at his eye.

"Ah my friend Jonathan and I beat each other up. Nothing to worry about"

"someone has to nurse it." He approached to me.

"Maybe you could. I trust you" I just laughed. "Please it hurts really bad and my friend over there aren't a good help."

"Fine but only this time. We meet at my house, Harrington" he nodded and I began to ride home.

"What took you so long" he walked to the door.

"Thomas and I fought a bit but it's okay. He's an asshole"

oh really

"jup he is" I opened the door and we walked into the house. Mews came running to us and Steve cuddled her immediately.

"I missed her really bad" I just nodded and walked upstairs to my room.

"you coming?" I heard footsteps on the stairs and moments later Steve stand next to me.

"Sit down. Feel yourself home."

"I'm always feeling home when you're around." He held my wrist

"Steve please." The tension between us is thick you could cut it.

"I'm getting ice and some band aid." I walked to the bathroom and when I arrived in my room I saw that Steve was reading something.

Shit!

"What are you doing?" He frightened as he heard me.

"I was just" he laid the paper down. "I'm sorry" he sat down on my bed and put his hand next to him to show that I should sit next to him.

"What did you read?"

"Your homework?" I walked over to desk and picked the book which declares to be my diary.

What? He didn't. Wait.

"Did you read my diary"

"I'm so sorry Y/N. I didn't want to."

"You saw that it wasn't a normal book but you didn't stop. Steve I wanted to help you but now" I grow angry and couldn't held my anger back. "Steve you're an asshole I can't believe I was so naive to help you. Leave!" I shout at him but he didn't go.

He stood up and walked over to me.

"Y/N I'm so sorry I was and still am an asshole. I was so stupid to let you down. I'm so dumb. I can't believe I left you only to be popular, to become a completely asshole. I'm so sorry to hurt you. You were my best friend and I still hope we can be friends again." By now I started to cry and Steve embraced me.

"I read the letter you wrote and I'm so sorry. I always look at our pictures we made. I miss you everytime I see you in school I want to go to you and talk. Nancy often talks to me about you how you seem to be alone and cold towards her and Barbara and I think it's my fault. Its all my fault." I let out a sob.

"Y/N I was such a dumb boy" I heard Steve sobbing too.

"I can't believe you didn't want to say all the things to me. You know you can always tell me everything. Why didn't you told me that you love me?" I gathered my courage and spoke the first time in forever

"It's not that easy Steve."

"What?"

"First when I'm talking to you everyone would stare at us and call me a whore because I'm talking to a boy in a relationship. And second you wouldn't have cared about it. You would have left for Nancy anyways. You had liked her since ever."

"Ok wait. Nancy is hanging out with Jonathan lately I don't even think I'm her boyfriend anymore. And second because I loved you too but I was afraid to tell you"

"But you love Nancy right?"

"Yeah but it's difficult" by now I began to cry and he sat down on my bed next to me.

"I'm so sorry Steve. I couldn't handle it. And it's my fault I lost you. I wasn't enough for you."

"No.. no you were and you are still perfect" he gently put a strand of hair behind my ear. I looked down onto the floor but felt his graze on me.

"And why did you fought with Jon?"

"Tommy and Carol thought they would be funny if they would let Nancy be starring in the movie theater. They called Nancy a slut after I told them she was with Jonathan yesterday in her room. Jonathan backed up for her. He's at the police station."

"What the hell" I ran my finger through my y/hc hair.

"Nancy slapped me and then Jonathan came and threw his fist in my face and it escalated."

"You're an idiot Harrington." I rolled my eyes. Slowly it feels like it's going to be normal even after the talk before.

Don't let him in again.

"Steve you should go." He nodded and walked toward the door.

"See you in school Y/N" I only nodded as and he left.

Dearest Steve,

Thanks for the memories that you gave me over all those years. I really appreciate that we were friends until Tommy our biggest enemy brought us apart. I did everything for you even if it seemed impossible and crazy. I love you from the very first day and I always gonna love you.

Even if you'll never get this letter I want you to know that you're my everything, my life and my best friend.

I hate being apart from you and not talking to you kills me. Every time I see you and Nancy kissing it kills myself. I'm dead inside and you left. You gave me power to live to hold on but then you left. Puberty really changed you just as Tommy did.

I miss the time when we lay under the stars and talked about our wishes and dreams. My dream now is to go back; to have my Steve back. I had loved it when you were around and we acted like we don't care what others are thinking mostly when we did the weirdest things. I was proud that my best friend is a year over me at school and still likes to meet me.

But the horrible thing is that we see us at school and don't even look at each other. I miss your beautiful brown eyes which light up when you were laughing over my bad jokes. I miss your fluffy hair and your crazy secret behind it. I would love to go back but I can't and I know it. I know I treat you like shit but its just to protect myself not to be hurt again.

[thestupidhelmet]

I always got the impression that during Zen breakups, Donna more sided with Hyde than Jackie. What do you think?

Donna is often seen through an undeserved negative lens by a portion of T7S fans. Contradictions in her characterization do exist, thanks to inconsistent writing. But when her behavior, dialogue, and choices are examined closely, her true character is revealed. I do this in the metas linked below.

In Defense of Donna (an essay in eight parts).

In Defense of Donna: Supplemental

In Defense of Donna (Yet Again) in Her Relationship with Eric

Was Donna Mean to Jackie from Throughout Their Relationship?

Analyzing the facts burns away the foundation on which the biases about and misinterpretations of Donna’s character are built. After the cut, I discuss in detail her reactions to Jackie and Hyde’s breakups. She’s a far better person, and friend to Jackie, than is often recognized.

Jackie and Hyde’s first breakup occurs in “Babe, I’m Gonna Leave You” (5x14), after Jackie shouts, “Get off my boyfriend!” to Annette about Kelso in the previous episode. Below is Donna and Jackie’s first discussion about it.

Donna: So, have you talked to Hyde about the whole, “Get off my boyfriend,” disaster? Jackie: No! And why is everyone making such a big deal about it? It's like every time I walk into a room, people look at me funny. Donna, how do you deal with it? Donna: Jackie, the reason people are making a big deal about it is because it sounds like you still have feelings for Kelso. Jackie: Well, I don't. I think the only reason I said it was because I was having an allergic reaction to the Formans' cheap, generic soda.

Here, Donna is being supportive of both Hyde and Jackie. She cares about them and their relationship. Jackie, however, has a tendency toward denial and self-delusion, which Donna has experienced extensively. She wants Jackie to be honest with herself, face reality, and not put herself or Hyde through the pain she went through with Kelso during seasons 1-4.

The next time in the episode Donna talks about this situation is with Annette at The Hub.

Annette: Guys, I really think there's some unfinished business between Michael and Jackie. When they were together, did she make him happy? Donna: Well, she totally dominated him and made him feel bad about himself. Annette: I guess what I'm really asking is, was she ever fat or anything?

Donna’s assessment isn’t accurate and nowhere near complete. This is not the fault of Donna but the writers, whose take on Jackie and Kelso is made clear in “Everybody Loves Casey” (4x26). Despite the few concessions the writers make during Jackie and Kelso’s exchange that give Jackie some sympathy, the onus for the toxicity of their relationship is put on Jackie. New “facts” that are never mentioned or shown in the series before this episode are introduced so that Kelso can give Jackie the responsibility for his cheating and the audience will agree with him, at least in part.

Donna’s assessment of Jackie and Kelso’s relationship in “Babe, I’m Gonna Leave You” reflects the point of view given in “Everybody Loves Casey”. What actually occurs during seasons 1-4 contradicts this assessment. Jackie encourages Kelso and bolsters his self-esteem (see “The Forgotten Son” [4x09] for one of many examples). She buys him so many presents that he owes her $8,265 in 1977 (see “Baby Fever” [3x07)], which is the equivalent to $35,525 today (due to inflation).

Yes, Jackie also berates him, but she most often does so when he mistreats her by lying, cheating, and generally disrespecting her. She also tries to control him in certain situations, like how many of her stuffed animals she’ll keep in his van or refusing to break up with him when he asks to in “Red’s Last Day” (2x02).

But the so-called total domination Donna claims Jackie had over Kelso is false. If it were true, Kelso never would’ve cheated on her with Pam Macy, Laurie, a girl from Sacred Heart. He wouldn’t have avoided her for a week after the first time they have sex or treat her like a servant once he gets in contact with her again. He wouldn’t have ignored her many nos about having sex until she’s exhausted by his relentlessness and given into what he wants. The list goes on.

The point, though, is that real!Donna would not have said Jackie “totally dominated [Kelso] and made him feel bad about himself.” Real!Donna -- who’d tried to get Jackie to break up with cheating Kelso then stay broken up with him -- would have said that Jackie and Kelso made each other miserable and that it wasn’t a healthy relationship for either of them. This assessment would have given Annette, a virtual stranger, enough information without betraying Jackie’s privacy.

Jackie enters The Hub soon after this conversation.

Jackie: Donna, Steven broke up with me. Donna: Oh, Jackie, I'm sorry.

Donna is sincere in her compassion. She doesn’t say, “You deserved it,” or, “What did you expect?” Her friend is hurting, and Donna feels for her.

This is the last interaction between Donna and Jackie before Jackie and Hyde reconcile in this episode. Donna’s empathy is obviously for Jackie. We get no scenes between Donna and Hyde or dialogue from Donna that shows she believes Hyde is in the right for breaking up with her. She just wants Jackie to recognize why Hyde might feel hurt by Jackie calling Kelso her boyfriend.

Jackie and Hyde’s next breakup happens in “Nobody’s Fault but Mine” (5x23). Kelso tells Donna about Hyde sleeping with the nurse.

Kelso: [Hyde] doesn’t know it but I saw him kissing this lady at the hotel. Donna: Oh, my God, that’s horrible. Kelso: I wanna do the right thing, right? So I’m thinking that I’ll just tell Jackie, and then she’ll feel really bad. Then I’ll console her, and -- presto! -- we’re making out topless! Donna: No, Kelso! The thing to do is to tell Hyde that you know and then give him a chance to tell Jackie.

Again, Donna is concerned for the well-being of both Jackie and Hyde and their relationship. She cares about both of them, but Hyde’s behavior / choice is likely incomprehensible to her at this point.

Once Jackie breaks up with Hyde and the full truth is out, Hyde calls Jackie at Donna’s. Donna wants Jackie to talk to him, but Jackie hangs up the phone, and Donna pleads Hyde’s case

Donna:  I think this whole thing was a misunderstanding. Hyde didn’t know what was going on. Jackie: I know, okay? But after Michael, I promised myself that I would never be with another boy who cheated on me. Donna: But Hyde’s so good for you. Since you started dating him you’ve completely stopped quoting Nancy Drew.

Donna’s point of view, again, reflects the writers’ -- that Hyde’s transgression is a “stupid, one-time thing.” If Hyde had actually been written as real!Hyde during this episode and arc (after sleeping with the nurse), he would’ve put Jackie’s pain and feelings ahead of his own, shown true and lasting contrition along with self-awareness, and not expect forgiveness.

Donna’s argument would be much stronger if Hyde hadn’t displayed similar behavior to Kelso’s in season 2 (e.g., acting entitled to Jackie’s forgiveness and growing hostile toward her when he doesn’t get it in his desired time frame). Hyde’s relationship with Jackie does inspire her to grow and change, but that doesn’t negate his betrayal of her -- or vice versa.

Donna needed to give Jackie empathy in this moment rather than try to fix what Hyde had broken, but she does so right after Jackie rejects Donna’s argument to give Hyde a chance. Jackie cries on her shoulder, and Donna holds her during it.

Before Jackie and Hyde reconcile in “Join Together” (6x02), Donna continues to point out the positive effect Jackie’s relationship with Hyde had on Jackie. She’s neither Team Jackie nor Team Hyde. She’s Team Jackie-and-Hyde. She’s supportive of and compassionate toward Jackie while also maintaining faith in Hyde’s innate goodness.

Donna believes that Hyde, at his core, isn’t a cheater. That he isn’t Kelso, but this doesn’t excuse Hyde’s transgression. What’s missing during this breakup arc is a scene where Donna confronts Hyde about what he did, why he chose to act out instead of talk to Jackie, and where she tells him he has to own his crap. This would have connected nicely story-wise (or grown out of) the lessons she should have learned with Eric in season 5 had the show not rushed into their engagement arc.

Donna could have brought up Hyde’s childhood, the source of his deep fear of abandonment, and how he allowed this fear to seep into his relationship with Jackie. Hyde, then, might have admitted he’d fallen for Jackie when she’d chased him back in season 3 and felt betrayed by her ultimately rejecting him for Kelso.

Hyde: I guess that crap came up again when she became my girlfriend. Part of me always believed she’d always go back to him.

Unfortunately, the writers didn’t make these story and character connections, and the characterization and story suffered because of it.

During Jackie and Hyde’s season 7 breakups, Donna behaves similarly as described above. She’s Team Jackie-and-Hyde. She supports both her friends and believes they’re happiest (and best) when together. She brings Jackie to her martial arts class to get out her rage at Hyde in a healthy way. She consistently teases Hyde about his love for Jackie so he won’t deny it to himself or quit fighting for it. She’s always got a hug for Jackie when she needs it, and she calls Hyde on his B.S. (finally) in season 7.

So, no, Donna doesn’t side more with Hyde over Jackie after their breakups. She an equal friend to both of them, despite the flaws in the writing.

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

[mr-and-mr-diaz]

First off, you're an amazing person w/ gr8 blog. Second of all, I hope you don't mind me saying it? If it's weird or creepy, please, disregard. Don't want to make you uncomfortable. Third of all, I came to your tumblr from ao3 and specifically the pirate fic and ma'am (sir? Neither? Wanted to use honorific and "my kind dude tends to not be *that* universal, sadly). It. ROCKS. If by any chance you feel like continuing it, I'd be forever in debt. Also hope you don't mind reviews via anon tumblr? ♥

ANON!! My answer to this ask is so long overdue I literally have no words. When I first recieved this ask in my box I was warmed through--thank you so much for your kind words! I determined to myself I would NOT send an empty response, would only publish this with the chapter in hand!! And then life picked up like crazy and I never seemed to have a spare BREATH to sit down and write this AU well enough that it would be worth reading. AND NOW I FAINLLY HAVE IT!!! Two more chapters for ya, I really hope you enjoy!!

P.S. Also, I refuse to be called ANYTHING except My Kind Dude from now on, that is the best address ever! 

The Damned Disgrace--Buddie Pirate AU, Chapter 2

"Dios mio, you're useless."

Buck looked up from where he'd been struggling to swab the deck and met the glare of Captain Nash's angry first mate--Diaz, and sighed. He'd already been on the ship a fortnight, and while Chimney had fit right in, used to hard work and quickly picking up the vernacular of the other pirates, Buck stuck out like a sore thumb. He wasn't used to manual labor, having spent his life behind books and papers, and had no instinct for it. He tried, oh did he try so hard, but his clumsy hands struggled to complete work that someone else had to repeat later to make sure it was done right. And the pirates who didn't ignore him were usually laughing at him. What few acquaintances he'd made in his past life had been in academic circles. These men had no patience for or interest in unusual trivia about far away lands, or wonderings about what the world would be like if mankind lived under the water and fish lived on land. 

Buck was red with sunburn, blistered all over--on his back, his forearms, and face from sunburn, and his hands, fingers and feet from work. He ached everywhere. 

He looked away from Diaz and went back to stubbornly pushing the mop around the deck.

I won't be useless! I won't go overboard. I'm going to work hard and they'll help me find Maddie and bring her home! and if I get to shoot that thrice-damned Commodore Douglas too, well that would be a boon from God--

"Stop. Just stop."

Buck stopped, his heart sinking. He dared not look Diaz in the eye again, already knowing the derision and anger he would see there.

Sure the other pirates ignored him or laughed at him behind his back. But Diaz? Diaz detested him. This was the first time he'd ever spoken to Buck but definitely not the first time he'd loomed nearby, sneering at Buck's pathetic efforts to work as part of the team and fit in.

"We should've left you back at the port."

"What? No! No, I swear, I'm learning--"

"Learning what? How to smear muck around so someone else has to clean up after you? Again?" Diaz sneered, kicking at the mop. Buck's hands twitched around it, every blister flaring up painfully. Diaz's eyes caught it and he suddenly leaned forward. "Show me your hands."

"What...?"

"Show me!"

Buck carefully placed the mop against the rail of the ship and carefully unfolds his hands, wincing as the skin flares in pain with each motion.

"Dios...! Come with me."

"Wait, but I have to finish the--"

"NOW!"

***

Buck followed Eddie down into the ship, down down, past Buck's sleeping berth with the other sailors. 

Buck looked around in trepidation. Is he taking me to the bilge? To the brig? The bilge was full of seawater, the brig a confined, rat infested cell where only the most unfortunate went.

They kept walking.

"Uh, Diaz, I... I swear, I'll work harder, I just--please don't--"

"You're not working any more today." Diaz replied shortly and threw open a door. "Hen, I've got the cabron for you. Destroyed his hands and he thinks he's magical enough not to get gangrene or something. Can you fix him up?"

The woman inside raised her eyebrows. "You don't usually bring me people, Eddie." She was dressed like the rest of the sailors but her clothes were neater and better kept. 

"They aren't usually this stupid." Eddie growled. 

"I... sorry." Buck mumbled, defeated.

"Don't worry about this one. He's always angry about something." Hen chuckled, and Diaz's scowl deepened. "What's your name?"

"Ah, Buck. Well, Evan Buckley, but... just Buck is okay." He felt another twinge in his heart as he said it. It was Maddie who had named him Buck.

"Buck it is. Come sit and we'll have a look at those hands."

Buck chanced a sideways look at Diaz, who was still standing there, muscled arms crossed. "Is he...?"

"Eddie was just leaving, weren't you, Eddie?" Hen's tone brooked no argument, and to Buck's surprise, Diaz obeyed.

Buck sat and held his hands out. Now that he had a moment to focus on them they hurt even more, and he could feel some of the injuries oozing. "I'm sorry, I tried to-- but--" he stopped abruptly as he felt his throat thicken and his eyes started to wet. You are already the most pathetic creature on this ship, you will not make it worse by whining about it. Silently he held his hands out, head down. 

Hen sucked in a breath. "Eddie was right to bring you here. If you let these wounds get any more infected than they are and gangrene set in I might have to remove one or both of them."

Buck swallowed around a sob. As a teacher and writer, his hands were his life.

"I'll clean and wrap your hands for you." Hen continued softly. "That should be able to prevent it from getting worse, so long as you promise not to use them for the next few days and come down here every day for the next week so I can make sure they don't get worse. Okay?"

Buck nodded silently.

"Buck."

He looked up at Hen. She was wearing a kind smile and that was enough to completely undo him. A single tear slid down his cheek and he reached up a hand to stop it, but Hen wouldn't allow it. "I need to wrap these first." Her eyes and smile were all compassion. After two weeks in a foreign world with no friends on board it was a balm to Buck's soul. He kept his head bowed as she cleaned and wrapped, let the tears fall silently, unchecked. When she was done, she reached out a hand and clasped his shoulder. "The sailors are used to losing people and because you’re greener than most, they're expecting you to die. They don’t want to get close to someone they’re gonna lose. But if you stay alive they'll warm up eventually, don't fret it."

"Then.. why are you...?"

Hen snorted. "I walk to the beat of my own drum on this ship, Buck. Always have. And I've decided I like you, dumbass hand damage and all."

Buck sniffed. "Thanks."

Hen nodded. "Go to the captain and tell him that I've ordered light duty for you--no using your hands except to carry light objects. Errands only for you for the next two weeks."

"But Captain Nash said--if I'm not useful--"

Hen chuckled. "His bark is bigger than his bite. Besides, I'm pretty sure he's taken a liking to you too."

***

"Buckley."

"Uh, Captain. I... Hen, the doctor--" Buck choked off with a derisive snort at himself. Did I really just stop to explain to the captain who his doctor is? "Uh, she said I should tell you that I'm..." He held up his bandaged hands. "Light duty. Errands."

Captain Nash's face clouded and his brow furrowed as he took in the state of Buck's hands.

"But I swear, I'll be useful, I don't--please, don't throw me off the ship--"

"Buckley." One firm word and Buck silenced. "You'll rest today, and starting tomorrow you'll work as an errand boy around the ship. Messages, parcels, meals for sick crew. And anything Hen or I asks you to do, you do without question."

"I--yes. Yes, sir. Captain."

Nash looked up at him, his eyes showing the smallest glint of kindness. "A teacher's hands are his life's blood, Buckley. See to it you take care of them." Nash turned to gaze out the window of his office and sighed. "If you're very lucky, you'll need them sooner than you think."

Buck's pulse heightened. "Are we near Commodore Douglas's ship, sir?"

Captain Nash sighed. "Not as close as I’d like to be." He turned back to Buck. "Dismissed."

Buck nodded and left for his hammock.

Chapter 3

The next day he showed up bright and early at Captain Nash's office only to be sent down to Hen. Hen took one look at him and started loading a crate with various medicines and infusions, talking rapidly. For each bottle, Hen explained what it was, who it was for and why. Buck paid careful attention so he could keep up. Rote memorization and processes? He was back in his comfort zone.

"...garlic and chamomile for Wes, he ate something at port that we're still trying to get out of him. Then cat's claw for Lea, her knuckles are hurting her again. And that's all." Hen hesitated, thinking for a moment. Then she mumbled something under her breath before grabbing a few more vials. "Actually, got a few more. These are to be dropped off outside Eddie's quarters." 

"Diaz? What are they for?"

"Eddie knows what to do with them." No further explanation came and Buck nodded at the dismissal and left, running around the ship to deliver the medicines to each ailing person. When he arrived at last outside Diaz's door, he paused, looking over the bottles. It made no sense to be bringing so much medicine to Diaz’s quarters. Buck had seen him just this morning, looking as healthy as ever, muscles rippling while he hauled canvas with the men. What is this for? Buck shook his head to clear the thoughts--no use risking his newfound equilibrium by prying. He hastily dropped the bottles outside Diaz's door, knocked and departed.

He followed this routine for the next week, deviating at times in the afternoon to run errands for the captain. But every morning started the same--Hen dropping several bottles and vials into a box for him to deliver around the ship and he running around as fast as he could to get it done quickly and efficiently. Each time, he would find himself hesitating outside Diaz's door, awash with curiosity at what the medicine could possibly be for. It wasn't hard to puzzle out the various vials, even though Hen hadn't identified them. Some were the same bottles he delivered elsewhere, others he recognized from his studies. Willow bark, cat's claw and ginger--pain relief.Chamomile, dried cherry, valerian, and peppermint--muscle relaxers. It was a mighty amount of herbs for the average aches of a day's work even as strenuous as the work Diaz did. 

So who is it for? Buck wondered again as he approached Diaz's door to drop off the bottles. He had just turned to leave when he heard a thump on the inside of the office followed by a yelp of pain.

Good God, that's a child. There's a child in there!

Horrible images came to the forefront of Buck's mind as he imagined why Diaz might be holding a child prisoner. A child who would require so much pain relief. His skin paled in horror and he dropped the box.

I need to help! But his hands were still tightly bandaged and the door was latched shut from the inside. Buck thumped against it with his shoulders to no avail. The sturdy wood would not give.

If only I could unlatch it from the outside... Then he had an idea. He picked up one of the envelopes he was delivering for Captain Nash. It was thin but strong. Carefully, he eased it between the door and the latch, pressing the envelope between his bandaged hands to keep his grip. 

With a click the latch came free and the door swung open.

Buck braced himself for what he might see and ventured inside, closing the door behind him.The room looked like the captain's, if smaller and simpler. Diaz's bed was neatly made, and soaked in sun from the window. His desk was neat and cleared off. The room was empty.

But I heard a child, I know I did!

Buck started looking around, when he heard a whimper of pain from the direction of the desk. Quickly he hastened over and pulled out the desk chair.

There, curled in the desk well and looking nothing like the skinny, dirty, or abused waif Buck had expected, lay a child. He looked clean and healthy, if in pain. He regarded Buck with large terrified eyes, his hair clean and curling every which way.

He was adorable. And as sure as grass was green, he was Diaz's own child.

So what is he doing hidden away in here?

The child whimpered again, obviously still in pain and Buck lurched away, back toward the bottles and vials he'd brought from Hen. "Here, let me help you, Hen sent me with a bunch of..." He fumbled with the bottles, pulling out the chamomile and the willow bark. "Here, this should help." The child shied away from him, curling deeper into the desk well with awkward jerky movements that only seemed to hurt him more.

"Oh God, please let me help, here, let me..." Buck backed up far away to give the child room and then gently pushed the vials at him. "Here. They're directly from Hen, don't worry. I haven't opened them or anything. See?" The child looked between Buck and the bottles, but didn't say anything.

"And--here, I'm leaving okay? Nothing to be afraid of, I'll leave you so you can climb out of that desk. It looks--God, you look like you're hurting so badly, is there anything I can do to help?"

The child still didn't respond, only regarded Buck with the same terrified eyes and Buck took it as his cue. He hastened to his feet and hurried to the door, away from the room. He was about to step out when he heard the child gasp and whimper again. He froze. 

The child won't let me near him, but I can't leave him like that. 

Diaz! Diaz can help him!

"I'm going to go and get your father, okay?" Buck took another step toward the door.

"Don't!" A small plaintive voice called, and Buck paused again.

"I can't just leave you like this... Wait, did your father do this to you??"

"No, no!" came the small cry. "He's the best papa ever. And..." the child paused then continued in a stronger voice. "He'll kill you if he finds out you know about me."

Buck's body froze in place. "Surely not--" The child cried out again, and Buck hastened back to the desk. The child was panting now, but still wouldn't move. "Oh, for the love of God, please let me help you!"

"Can't... don't... trust... you." Christopher panted in between pained gasps.

"Oh God, please--" Buck's voice broke and he felt himself start to cry. "I can't--you're hurting. You... I was a schoolteacher before I got onto this ship, I love kids, I swear I just want to help, please!" He reached out his bandaged hands toward the child. "Look, see? I couldn’t hurt you even if I wanted to! I--I swear I won't tell anyone about you on this ship, I'll never speak to you again. Just let me help you settle yourself more comfortably, you need to take some herbs for the pain..." He was blubbering now, his view of the child obscured by tears. He tensed as he felt small hands grasp around his bandaged hands.

"Please help." The boy whimpered.

He sobbed in relief and crooked his wrapped hands so they became large hooks to grip the child and carefully, oh so carefully pulled him out of the desk well. By this time he heard the child begin to cry as well, still on the floor. Buck quickly swiped his eyes with his threadbare sleeve to clear them. "There now, that's a bit better, I'm sure. Let's get you settled into the bed and I'll mix some medicine with water to relieve the pain.”

Buck carefully lifted the child, who whimpered at being jostled. Carefully he laid the boy on Diaz's neatly made bed and hastened back to the bottles and vials, pulling corks out with his teeth and pouring a the various powders into a tin cup. He filled the cup the rest of the way with water from a pitcher on the small wash stand and stirred it to mix before offering the cup to the child.

But the boy only shook his head, crying more."Don't want it. It tastes h-horrible." The child's big eyes were red from crying and Buck's heart broke.

"Oh, shh, there there. Yeah, I won't lie to you, it’s going to taste pretty bad. But once you drink it, you'll stop hurting so much and then you can relax and sleep or play." Buck clumsily rested a wrapped hand in the child's hair.  "How's that sound?"

Still the child shook his head.

"Okay, how about this?" Buck took a theatrical sniff and wrinkled his nose. "I'll drink some and then you have to drink the rest, okay?" None of the ingredients were harmful to someone who wasn't in pain. "Deal?"

The boy looked at him, surprised. “Really?” Buck nodded and the boy sighed. "Deal."

Buck grinned, then made a big show of sniffing the contents of the glass. "Ohh blurggh," he shuddered theatrically, and heard the slightest huff from the bed. "Oh boy, here we go." He took a sip then screwed up his face and shook it rapidly back and forth like a dog. "Heaven and earth, but that's awful!" The child giggled and Buck continued with his performance, making gagging noises and funny faces. "You must be the strongest kid I know to drink this every day."

"That's what Papa says, too." The boy smiled.

"Well, he's right. I don't think I can handle any more." Buck made one more funny face and the boy laughed again. "Okay, you ready? I'll count to five, and then you drink it all as fast as you can, okay?"

The child hesitated. "How much is five?"

Buck turned to him, eyes wide. "You don't know...?" Then he paused. No use making the boy feel bad for something that wasn’t his fault. Besides, this was Buck's specialty. "Five is a number, you'll see. I'm going to count a few numbers, and when I say five you drink that down as quickly as you can so you barely taste it, okay?"

The boy nodded. "Okay." 

"One, two, three, four... five, go!"

With Buck's clumsy assistance, the child drank down the mixture, screwing up his face just like Buck did. "Urgh."

Buck laughed. "I think you made a funnier face than I did." The boy reminded Buck of his own students. He missed children, their bright-eyed optimism, their enthusiasm for exploring the world around them. "I hope I don't die for meeting you, kid. You're just about the nicest person on this entire ship."

The child smiled. "Christopher."

Buck returned his grin and held out a bandaged hand. "Nice to meet you Christopher. I'm Buck." Christopher reached out in jerky movements and shook Buck's hand, both of them giggling at how clumsy the exchange was.

"I hope you don't die either, Buck." It seemed that the medicine was starting to work. Christopher was relaxing and his smile wasn't edged with quite so much pain anymore.

"In that case, I should probably run before your father finds me. those big strong hands of his would tear me in half like paper." Buck stood, patting Christopher on the head once more before turning away.

"...Buck?"

"Hm?" He turned back. The boy was starting to fall asleep. 

"Can... Can you come back and visit me again?"

What a terrible idea. "Of course, Christopher." Buck rummaged up a brave smile. "I'd love to see you again." An idea occurred to him suddenly and he straightened his shoulders. "I'll even teach you how to count to five all by yourself if you want?"

The boy's tired eyes lit up. "Yes. Yes please..." His eyes slipped closed and he fell asleep.

Buck smiled, feeling warmed for the first time in weeks. Carefully he gathered the scattered items for the rest of his errands and slipped from the room, latching it behind him.

[jokertrap-ran]

(时空中的绘旅人—For All Time—) Clarence Route Translations (Chapter 15-1 水镜: Water Mirror)

*For All Time Master-list / Clarence’s Personal Master-list *Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut *Maintaining Si Lan’s name as Clarence *Route Tag is #Chapter of Legacy

The Ice Butterflies were eliminated, but Aurora collapsed on the ground.

The little girl clutched at her stomach, rolling on the ground in agony. Those Purge Guards, all high and mighty, only looked at her from afar, not daring to step any closer as it is.

Soldier: What an evil creature; no one knows when it'll go out of control.

I heard them whispering to each other.

They all hate Mages. Mages protect Yemsaiel, but everyone relies on and fears them at the same time.

I stride forwards, gathering Aurora up into my arms and carrying her back into the carriage. She might be a "glutton", but her body was very light; so light, that even someone like me could pick her up with ease.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

But Aurora only clung tightly into me, bawling loudly.

Aurora: Aurora likes to eat them… But eating them makes my tummy hurt… Ughh…

Aurora: It hurts, big sis, it really does… I'm gonna die from the pain…

Her small hand nearly drew blood from my hand when she clamped down on it; and all I could do was to find and use the gentlest and most comforting words I had in my dictionary to soothe the little girl.

It was only until she had passed out from the sheer amount of pain, that I let go of the breath that I didn't know I had been holding.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

I carried her unconscious form out of the carriage. The sun was setting when I bumped into Alkaid outside the Mage Tower.

Alkaid: Goddess, Your Highness, did you manage to make any progress in your investigation today?

Alkaid's single sentence served as a reminder that made me realize that I'd spent the entire day with Aurora and had technically not accomplished anything at all.

Clarence: I think she hasn't done anything but watch over Aurora the entire day today. An emotional little girl like her will never amount to much.

Clarence: It’s not like I counted on her anyway...

Alkaid: Master Clarence, I don’t see it that way. The fact that (Y/n) was able to care so deeply about a little girl she’s only just met proves to show that she’s a gentle person at heart.

Alkaid: I feel that if anyone stands a chance against the death sentence that Yemsaiel faces, then it’d be no one other than her.

Alkaid: She has the gentlest heart and the strongest, unwavering conviction. And there’s no one among the strongest of us in Yemsaiel who possesses both of these qualities at the same time; that includes you, Master Clarence.

Alkaid: Please give (Y/n) some time, Master Clarence. I believe— That she’ll surprise us.

I thanked Alkaid and couldn't care less about retorting back to Clarence, carrying Aurora back into the Mage Tower.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

I placed Aurora down on the bed as she remained unconscious.

Brushing my hand over her forehead, I came to a startling realization. Aurora wasn't running a fever like how ordinary people would when they were sick, instead, her forehead was as cold as ice!

No, it wasn’t only her forehead; her entire body emitted cold air that made me involuntarily shiver.

And right now, there was the sound of an even colder person breathing behind me; one, whose killing intent I was absolutely familiar with.

MC: What are you doing back here again, Clarence? —What are you trying to do!?

I'd unconsciously stepped in front of Aurora's unconscious form as she was sound asleep; because I could sense how Clarence's killing intent wasn't targeted at me this time…

Clarence: Relax, I won't do anything yet. Aurora still has an important mission to carry out.

Clarence: But I’ll remind you again, that you shouldn’t be investing your feelings in her.

Clarence: Aurora is going to go berserk soon. And all Mages who’ve lost control over themselves will have to be eliminated.

Clarence: This is the fate that Mages are destined to. Even the strongest of the Mage Tower, the “Nine Seats”, are of no exception. This child has already held on for what can be considered a pretty long time now… She’ll be the third last of my “Nine Seats” to fall.

I suddenly came to the realization, that in the many times I've travelled here, the only High Mages I'd seen had been Alkaid, Holles and Aurora… I see, so the rest of the "Nine Seats" had already died just like Celene.

MC: Do you intend to kill her off yourself? To execute the people of your Mage Tower by your own hand… 

Clarence fell silent, his breathing light and steady. Looks like this isn't the first time he has had to carry out such an act of observation and precise execution...

...It was just like how he had watched those youths drink the potion to become Mages. He stood there to the side, almost as if he was standing by an endless river, forced to get used to everything that he saw.

MC: If that's your intention, then feel free to see yourself out. I'll take first watch over her.

MC: She's only asleep now; she hasn't yet lost control. It'll be just fine for me to stay by her side.

I shifted my gaze away from him as I said so. I held onto Aurora's small icy-cold hand hoping that it'd provide her with some comfort and support.

Aurora: How warm… I’m scared of the cold...

She was still groggy, but she'd consciously tightened her grip on my hand.

I hugged her small body to myself, lying against the bed together with her. I shot Clarence a look. It's he wants to attack her, then he'll have to hit both of us.

Clarence sighed. His fingertips flashing blue and dissipating some of the coldness that emanated from Aurora's body.

Aurora: Mmngh… Don't feel so cold anymore…

Clarence: How foolish. She doesn’t have much longer to live; and yet I’m wasting my Mana to do equally foolish things with you.

With those as his parting words, Clarence turned and left Aurora's room.

Clarence's spell quickly went into effect, causing Aurora's breathing to stabilize as she fell into her sweet dreams.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

Seeing as she was sleeping peacefully, I left the room to eat my dinner.

After dinner, I realized that the Mage Tower was a rather stifling place to be, and that the only place with any sort of life and vibrancy to it would be the Red Maple Tree that stood at the entrance. Hence, I walked over.

Unexpectedly enough, I saw Clarence standing under the tree, gazing upwards at its red canopy of leaves.

He gave a slight nod of acknowledgement when he noticed me.

I realized that Clarence was always in a pretty good mood whenever he was below this Maple Tree.

I casually made small talk with him.

MC: There are lots of meanings behind Maple Trees back in my world. Some say that it stands for perseverance, some say it stands for innocence. Some say it stands for the cycle of time; for yesterday, today and tomorrow. And some say it stands for loneliness.

MC: I'm just a little curious. But what do the leaves of a Maple Tree stand for, in your eyes?

He pondered over it for a while before replying.

Clarence: A promise.

Clarence: It’s a promise I made to someone.

Clarence: There’s a very important person in my life. I might never be able to wait enough for them, but I will still carry on waiting.

Clarence: But this is really something personal and has absolutely nothing to do with saving Yemsaiel.

Clarence: There’s no need for you to be probing about my personal feelings. Speaking of which, you must be very tired since you were with Aurora the entire day; you should turn in earlier.

I was a little surprised. He had actually said something compassionate.

He really was a little...softer, when under this Maple Tree.

Whoever Clarence was waiting for, they must be someone really compassionate and warm, to be able to melt that icy heart of him.

MC: Goodnight, Clarence; you should turn in early too. I'm really thankful that you're willing to give Aurora and me more time.

Clarence nodded and turned to leave.

⊹ ˚✩ ��━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

I returned to Aurora's room and slept by her bedside.

I couldn't help but to worry about Aurora. Clarence was always cool and unyielding; and who knew how long this hidden compassion of his would last for.

Aurora was at risk of losing control at any moment in time, which means that there was the possibility of her getting eliminated by Clarence.

I reached out, taking her hand into my own before drifting off to sleep.

I know about some of Clarence's personal matters, the secret if the Mage Tower, and even got to know Aurora; but it wasn't enough. As of right now, it is still insufficient to change the future.

What lies at the end of the road for Clarence and the Mages here is a dead end… If that's the future that fate decreed; then, should I stay with everyone in the Mage Tower?

...I’ve been so busy for the whole day; I should rest first.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥Chapter of Legacy✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

Previous Part: (Chapter 13-2) | Next Part: (Chapter 15-2)

[walpurga-nacht-academy]

Djinn’s Bride! ~A Celebration of Love~

Part 6

[Walpurga Nacht Academy]

[Djinn’s Lamp]

Rosa/Marcia: THIS IS THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORST-

Rosa: OUCH!

Marcia: OOF!

Cass: EEK!

June: SHIT!

Blanche: UGH!

Diana: …

Vita: My~ That was quite a fall, was it not, my dear Agatha?

Agatha: Hehehehe… It… was… scary… but… Big… Sis… always… lands… on… her… feet…

Vita: Certainly~ It would not do otherwise~

Blanche: Di-Dies-senpai?

Vita: Hm~ What it be little hare?

Blanche: Could you and Agatha please get off. We’re all squished undern-

June: HEY, SHITHEAD, GET OFF!

Rosa: OUCHOUCHOUCHOUCHOUCH- THIS HURTS! YOU’RE ALL TOO HEAVY!

Diana: …

Marcia: Aaaah, this is where we meet our end… Goodbye my wonderful future full of riches…

Rosa: THAT’S WAY TOO DEPRESSING! MARCIA STOP SAYING THAT!

June: SHUT YET TRAPS!

Blanche: Ugh!

Vita: My, my, what strength~

Agatha: … Ugh… stupid… big… chowder… sat… up… all… of… a … sudden… and… we… all… feel… off… No… grace…

June: HAAA? YA WANT YER HEAD OFF OR SOMETHING?!

Cass: Uuuummmm…

June: Ya ok ‘here, Cass?

Cass: E-Eh? Ye-Yes! Though for a mo-moment the wind was knocked o-out of me…

Rosa: I thought for sure we were going to die…

Marcia: Haaaa, that would have been better…

Rosa: It really wouldn’t have!! Maybe you’re fine with dying young, but I’m not!! I still have a ton of stuff to do, you know?! Dying like this would be way too inconvenient!

Marcia: Haaaaa…

Rosa: Grrrr! What’s with this attitude anyways?! After making so much trouble for the rest of us by getting that djinn out of the lamp, you decide to stick your head in the sand too?!

June: Tsk. That’s ‘hat happens when yer so fuckin’ greedy.

Marcia: Hm? Why are you looking at me when you’re saying that? I really don’t get it.

Rosa: Weren’t you the one who brought the lamp to the meeting?! Why do you think we’re blaming you?!

Marcia: Now wait just a sec! Yeah, I’m the one who brought the lamp in, but it was senpai who released the djinn inside! If anyone’s to blame, it’s her!

Blanche: That’s a foregone conclusion.

Marcia: Eh? Wh-What’s that supposed to mean?

June: Ya should have expected the shitty ghoul to pull shit like ‘his.

Rosa: That’s right! That’s right! Dies-senpai is a heartless person who only likes to amuse herself by making others miserable! You should have known beforehand she’d take advantage of the situation to make a mess like this! Seriously, Marcia! What were you thinking?!

June: Yeah, ya fuckin’ moron.

Marcia: HAAAAAAAAAAA?! You’re blaming me?! You’re seriously blaming me?! After all that was said?! Your heads seriously are screwed on wrong!

Rosa: Grrr!

June: YA WANNA PICK A FIGHT?!

Marcia: I’LL PICK ONE ALRIGHT! I’m not gonna stand here and let you dump on me like that when there’s only one person at fault!

Vita: Hm~?

Agatha: Don’t… point… your… stupid… finger… at… Big… Sis…

Marcia: Shut it! I’m serious right now! Even if you bite it off I won’t care, you brat!

Agatha: GRRRRRRRRRRR.

Marcia: Senpai!!

Vita: My~ Your furious face certainly adds a certain allure to your visage~ It sends shivers down my spine~

Marcia: Yo-You’re not gonna distract me with your weirdness now! I’m too worked up to think through what you’ve just said! Senpai!! Please explain yourself!

Vita: Oh? Explain myself? Whatever could you mean?

Marcia: You know perfectly well what I’m talking about!! Why did you let the djinn out?!

Vita: Ah. That.

Marcia: Yes! That! You knew there was a magical presence in the lamp and you set him loose on all of us! Please explain your reasoning behind that!

Vita: Hm~? ‘Tis not obvious?

Marcia: Not at all!! I can’t wrap my head around your thinking process at all! It’s like trying to navigate a maze with no exit!

Vita: My~ The compliments are pouring out of your mouth today, are they not?

Marcia: Senpai!!

Vita: Fufu~ But very well. Sweet nothings should be rewarded after all. ‘Tis always been my policy. If an answer you seek, then cease your wandering, my dear~

Marcia: … Wh-What’s that supposed to mean? I don’t get it at all!

Diana: Curiosity is man’s downfall.

Marcia: Eh? Curiosity? Downfall?! What are you talking about now, Diana?!

Blanche: … I’m afraid I understand what she’s talking about.

Rosa: You do?! Just from that?! You’re amazing, Blanche!

Blanche: … Th-That’s… Ahem. I advise you to restrain your enthusiasm, Rosalia. I’m doubtful you’ll be happy with what I’m about to say…

Rosa: I-Is it that scary?!

Blanche: Scary… Perhaps we could look at it that way too… But more importantly, I would say the right word for it is-

Vita: Gratitude~

Blanche: …

Rosa: Gra-Gratitude? For what exactly…

Agatha: The… stupid… amoeba’s… brain… is… so… small… eheheheheheheheh…

Rosa: GRRR!

Vita: Now, now, my darling Agatha~ We must always show patience, remember? ‘Tis not her fault for her deficiency~

Rosa: … I didn’t get that but it was an insult, wasn’t it?! I can tell, you know!

Vita: How perspicacious of you, little rose~

Rosa: Another one! That was another one, wasn’t it?! Is this really the time for that though?! Don’t we have bigger problems?!

Marcia: Give it up, Rosalia.

Rosa: Eh? Marcia?

Marcia: There’s no way you’re going to get through to senpai. Her mind is too warped. Like this issue of gratitude… I think I’ve got a grasp on it…

Vita: Hm~?

Marcia: That gratitude you’re speaking about… is it that you wanted to thank me for bringing such a fun ‘toy’ for you to play around with?

Vita: Correct~

Marcia: AAAAAAAAAH! I WAS AFRAID YOU WERE GOING TO SAY THAT! JUST DOING EVERYTHING AT YOUR OWN PACE WITHOUT CARING ABOUT ANYBODY ELSE. THAT’S RIGHT! THAT’S RIGHT! THAT’S THE WAY OF THE MAD FREE PEOPLE, ISN’T IT?!

Rosa: Ma-Marcia! Calm down! You’re having a breakdown!

Marcia: Right.

Rosa: .... Eh? Th-That was a quick turnaround…

Marcia: After some meditation-

Rosa: Meditation?! What meditation?!

Marcia: I’ve come to a conclusion. SENPAI!

Vita: Hm?

Marcia: I’m returning the lamp to you~

Vita: No need, my dear. Consider it part of your dowry~

Marcia: Eh~? No way~ I couldn’t possibly steal this magnificent item from its rightful owner~

Vita: My~

Marcia: And since you’re the rightful owner~ Because you are~ You should stay here and marry this guy instead~

Vita: Oh~? I simply could not~

Marcia: Are you thinking about my feelings~? How kind~! But you really shouldn’t~ I’m giving you my full support~ So don’t hold back~ Don’t hold back at all~

Rosa: … She’s really trying to skirt her duties.

Marcia: I heard that!!

Rosa: !!!

Marcia: If you think I’m taking the fall for senpai’s blunder, then you’re dreaming!! I’m washing my hands clean of this whole thing!! Ya hear me?!

Rosa: … Just a second before you begged her to give you the lamp.

Marcia: That was when I thought I could make a quick madol with little to no consequences!! Things are different now!! The consequences have come back to bite me in the ass!!

Blanche: She’s so frustrated everything is spilling out.

Diana: Mm.

Marcia: So, senpai!!

Vita: Hm~?

Marcia: Step up and do the right thing!! Take this creepy guy and marry him so we can go back!!

Vita: I refuse~ I despise men with such bland features~

Marcia: WHO CARES ABOUT THAT?! You think I want to marry a guy with such a lame sense of humour?!

Vita: Hm, that would be rather unfortunate~ But his overly excitable attitude is simply revolting. I will concede to you.

Marcia: I DON’T WANT HIM! HE’S REALLY OFF-PUTTING! YOU TAKE THE CREEP!

Vita: No~

Rosa: They’re really annoyingly stubborn!! Seriously, I know that marrying such a weirdo is not the best outcome, but aren’t they going too far? Don’t you think so, Blanche?

Blanche: … Rosalia.

Rosa: Eh? Blanche! But- Huh?! Wait! If you’re on my right, then who’s the one-

Djinn: …

Rosa: AAAAH! SO YOU’VE BEEN HERE ALL ALONG?!

Djinn: ...

Marcia: YOU TAKE HIM! I’D RATHER DIE THAN MARRY HIM!

Vita: ‘Tis a mutual feeling~

Djinn: …

Rosa: YOU MONSTERS! STOP TALKING! THIS SORT OF ABUSE WILL BREAK ANYBODY’S SPIRIT! JUST BECAUSE HE’S UGLY AND LAME DOESN’T MEAN THAT HE SHOULD BE FORCED TO ENDURE THIS!

June: … Yer one to talk.

Djinn: ...ugh..

Rosa: Eh? What was that?

Djinn: ...ough…

Blanche: ?

Djinn: ENOUGH!!

Blanche: !!!

Rosa: MY EARS!!

June: NOT ‘HIS SHIT AG’IN!

Djinn: ‘Monster’ is too light a word for you people!! Even ogres have more compassion! You devils! Don’t you know a young man’s heart is really fragile?!

Rosa: I-It kinda hurts how right he is...

Djinn: That’s it. I’ve decided.

Rosa: Eh? You decided?! What did you decide?!

Djinn: I really wanted a cute wife to come live with me and cheer me up when I am down and share my joys and sorrows! But you girls are much too troublesome and unpleasant!

Rosa: Eeeh?! But I didn’t even do anything?!

Blanche: That’s obviously a lie.

Djinn: So you’re all evicted from here-

Marcia: YAHOO!

Djinn: -except for my master!

Marcia: …

Vita: Fufu~

Marcia: DON’T YOU DARE LAUGH! And you!!

Djinn: Ah, don’t shout like that. I have delicate hearing, you know?

Marcia: Like I care!! More importantly, didn’t you just say you couldn’t stand any of us earlier?! What’s with this sudden switch, huh?!

Djinn: … Well.

Marcia: WELL WHAT?

Djinn: I guess spending eternity with you is still better than being alone.

Marcia: …

Diana: … He must dislike loneliness.

Rosa: Haaaa?! Aren’t you too casual about this?! The way he just spoke was super insulting, actually!!

Blanche: Indeed. But that aside…

Agatha: It… still… means… one… will… have… to… stay… behind… We… should… make… the… stupid… amoeba… do… that… hehehehehehehe…

Rosa: NOOOO! ANYTHING BUT THAT! DON’T LEAVE ME BEHIND! I DON’T WANNA! IT’S MARCIA’S FAULT SO SHE SHOULD STAY!

Marcia: IF ANYONE SHOULD STAY IT’S DIES-SENPAI!

Vita: Fufu, are we to cast votes? Then I believe that the world ought to be spared of violent brutes with barely a sliver of intelligence~

June: …

Cass: Mi-Mi-Miss Himalia?

June: … I... ‘nough…

Cass: Um…

June: I HAD ‘NOUGH OF ‘HIS SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT!

Djinn: !!! E-EH?!

back | next

[kirstinmaldonado]

CHAPTER TWELVE 2.0

I started the last two chapters, happy to have something of substance to talk about, me being at home, improvements I was seeing, maybe even some rightful disappointment at some people’s lack of care in their actions…but like clockwork the beginning of the week brought in new developments and my mind drifted focus. My fingers lost the spark to write about feel-good situations when the chaos in the world seemed to extinguish the flame.

I was in Texas just two weeks ago but it honestly feels like forever, as if time is confused on what pace its on. The USA seems to be confused as well.

Theme parks across the nation are opening up. Some flights are back to full capacity. The world seems caught on a pendulum of thought: “Are we good enough to pretend and pass like we can go back to normal?”

Meanwhile, people are still getting sick. People are still dying. Protests are still happening, although it apparently doesn’t serve the media to still be airing that. Justice has still not been served for those we’ve lost: Breonna Taylor, Vanessa Guillen, Elijah McClain, and so many more. The media and internet is ablaze with people ridiculing, attacking, or making fun of each other, on top of everything going on.

I wonder if I’m a part of that sometimes. While I still think protesting for “bar lives” is unfathomable and tone deaf, while it was so easy to ridicule because it was so insanely insensitive to compare to the BLM movement, did I help to further a narrative full of spite? Did I egg on anger and divisiveness, did I unintentionally help create arguments online? Did I give a platform that I don’t agree with more attention by calling attention to it?

I’m all for the hard but important conversations. I love them, to be honest. My family and I had many thought-provoking conversations when I was home, about what they’ve experienced with racism, about our opinions on all sides. It was wonderful to expand our ways of thinking using past and present! I think we all walked away with more rounded backing to our opinions, me included, and I’m thankful to have a family that can be so open and willing to discuss.

Yet, those conversations can’t be condensed into however many characters can fit in to a tweet. The art of negotiating is not all about winning, it’s also about empathizing. It’s about explaining and getting the opponent to understand your side and school of thinking; if you just tear them apart for their lack of understanding or different opinion, how can they ever fully understand or want to, especially if you are the one trying to teach them something not in their wheelhouse?

Racism, of course, is non-negotiable.

Everything else, and it’s a lot, that we have encountered in the last few weeks (mainly dealing with COVID) feels like it’s cumulatively driven us to a breaking point, to a point where I don’t really feel like I live in the “United” States of America. I feel like we are now all pitted against each other, immediate to defend our point, and jumping to 10 because honestly we are tired of the bullshit.

I get it. I do. But in the last few days while I’ve watched coronavirus cases develop, “Karens” making a fool of themselves in public places and endangering people’s lives with their sense of entitlement, while watching Hamilton for the first time and seeing good and bad critiques, Kanye running for president, while I’ve cried over Vanessa and what happened to her only to have someone try to belittle my reaction compared to others we’ve lost, I realized something.

Chaos. All chaos.

How can we make real change when we are all just screaming? How can we move mountains when we are pushing from two opposing sides? And while we have made progress, will we have the sensibility to keep with it or will our boiling frustrations overrule and distract us from our end goal, lasting and transformative change for the betterment of BIPOCs and everyone?

I’m not hating on our progress. And I’m not vilifying people’s reactions to things not in your school of thought, albeit insanely frustrating things. I’ve been there and am there. The amount of Facebook posts I’ve written novels for, the shock I feel on a daily basis for some people, is all still there. Yet, my sadness for this world and how to heal it has crept in and bated me.

What can “I” do to make a difference?

Hating and bashing things is our new normal, our humor has become intertwined with it so much that we ridicule and make jokes out of everything. Click-bait headlines only stoke the flames. Coronavirus is still surging every day, and you know what, some people can’t pretend to go back to “normal” amongst it all.

The entertainment business, for example, won’t be back up and running for… who knows? I wouldn’t be surprised if Broadway was closed for longer than a year. We rescheduled our tour in hopes that we would be able to go, but with the way things are looking I can’t help but feel distressed about the outlook for the entertainment industry/shows all around. So many people’s “normal” won’t come back at all until we get a headway on this virus, and it’s gonna take us all coming together for that to work as well. We have to truly be THE UNITED states of america.

As a side-note, Pentatonix has never been this stationary since we started…and that’s bittersweet too. Never take anything for granted, guys.

So while I dissolved into a puddle over Vanessa and how I don’t even know how to help mediate the world anymore, with people at each others throats literally and figuratively all the time, with good people and bad people on every side, I returned to a very old school of thought for myself. 

Be kind. 

What can “I” do every day? 

Yes, use my platform as a strong voice of advocacy, try to filter through everything to make sure I’m posting facts and not scare-mongering or leading anyone astray from what they should be seeing.

I’ve protested. Signed petitions. Written emails. I tried to raise awareness and bring everyone along with me on my journey as I learned, which I thought was helpful.

But I forgot about the most important thing, the thing that’s been ingrained in my head since I was a child for better for worse, the one thing that even though practiced vehemently, never always comes back guaranteed.

Be kind.

I lost that somewhere along the way, a bit. I could feel my soul hardening at how cruel some people can be, I felt how easy it was to smite and bash people’s names who have done far worse. I felt my eyes cloud with hate.

For a long time I thought the battle was human vs earth and I was always so sad to see how easily we destroyed such a precious gift. 

Now I know at its core that the real problem is human vs human: how to one up each other, how to be more successful, how to win, how to be MORE all the time. That feeling has been slowly poisoning us and our empathy and compassion towards others. That feeling is not about bettering oneself, it’s about greed and it spreads like cancer. 

For a long time, I didn’t want to “be kind” like a Disney princess anymore. I was tired of trying to use kindness as a shield as if people’s actions did not hurt me. I was mad at my kindness for blinding me and letting me get hurt. I thought the phrase “kill them with kindness” was stupid, because I was the one that kept getting hurt.

But my kindness did not do that to me. I did not do that to me.

People did. Hurt people. Confused people. People that had problems within themselves that were in no way a reflection of me. People with opposing views. Those people are not my fault. Those people don’t get to have their anger bleed in to my life, they don’t get to poison my disposition with their greed and animosity.

What can I do?

Every day, I can make a point to not be divisive. To not so easily make fun of things, belittle, call names, etc.

I can tone down my “complaining” online. I can not get so upset and rush to attack people that would be hard to get my point across to anyway online, so I don’t work myself up for hours about one internet troll when I could be doing other more important things. Why lose sanity over someone only wanting to argue? Why revert to the name bashing, why invite more stress and anger in to my life, even though there’s enough anyway with what’s going on in the world?

As I uncovered more history, had more awakenings and understandings, and dealt with my own personal stresses, I felt my strength oscillating and now I know why. I was so hardened with hate and disbelief, I felt like a fool living in a world that said it was something else. And...I left my best ally behind in my own rush for MORE.

Kindness. 

Empathy. Understanding. Patience.

So for July, I’ve decided to take care of myself a little more. Take care of others. Make sure that I am not contributing to anyone’s pain, and only being an ally to amplify voices that need to be heard. 

There’s a kinder way to say everything. There’s a kinder way to live. Amongst all this chaos, maybe if we were all a bit kinder, we could ease the waves of tension and calm the storm. Maybe if we could see past ourselves, we could make a lasting change for us all.

I changed my bio the other day. We must be like the sunflowers, pulling toxicity from the ground and air. Nature’s helper. I said I would be like that.

They don’t contribute anything negative, they just stand tall and strong, a mediating force in a world that needs purifying. 

So, I will armor myself with my strength, knowledge, and kindness. 

And see about tomorrow. 

[ecoamerica]

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!