#no but in all seriousness how doo you stop your brain from fucking you over with parasocials?

[upside-garden-of-dreams]

I need violence

I FUCKING NEED VIOLENCE

WHAT IS THIS PARASOCIAL RELATIONSHIP AND HOW DO I FUCKING STOP IT

I THINK I NO LONGER LIKE BEING A KPOP FAN PLEASE MY BODY ISN'T MADE FOR THESE REACTIONS 😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔

[crybabyddl]

I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO REITERATE SOMETHING

Yes, let’s circle back to the beautiful performance of Edge of Great. More specifically the BODY LANGUAGE, particularly Julie and Luke’s, which I will be analyzing with gifs.

Exhibit A

Jealous Luke looks over at Julie and Reggie vibing

Julie is aware that she’s avoiding Luke, which she is doing so bc she realized her feelings for him thanks to Flynn earlier in the episode.

Since Julie has put the task of ignoring Luke upon herself even though she has no obligation to, she ends up failing her own mission. She sees Luke’s reaction to the lack of her attention.

She literally FREEZES. She’s emotionally worried to confront what she’s feeling and it’s beginning to manifest physically.

Exhibit B

It gets better y’all. After Luke finally has even a crumb of Julie’s attention, he beckons her over with his signature head tilt. This is important bc he did this with his longtime bandmate during the soundcheck of what would’ve been their biggest performance. If he feels comfortable enough using that body language with a girl he’s only known for, what, a week and a half(?) then you know this puppy boy’s got it BAD.

Julie is well aware that Luke is getting jealous. But in classic Julie fashion, she will try to tune it out instead of addressing it. Our wicked beauty doesn’t like confrontation and would rather just deny and avoid than potentially make things awkward, especially when she knows Luke would ask her about it at a later time.

The look on Julie’s face. Her eyes widen and the classic tight-lipped awkward smile is present. She’s literally saying “ok enough of that let’s get back to work doo doo doo” with her face. The way her body SWINGS back into performance mode as she faces the audience again. It may have been a split second, but when you’re deliberately trying to avoid looking into the dreamy (dead) eyes of someone you shouldn’t be crushing on, any amount of time feels too long. Plus, she knows Flynn is watching and doesn’t want her to lecture her (but she does anyway bc Flynn is observant and knows her bestie too well to let any action slip past her).

Exhibit C

Keep in mind; NONE OF THE GUYS KNOW WHY JULIE IS AVOIDING LUKE. Flynn, Alex, and Reggie have noticed the Juke chemistry, but it’s still too soon for them to get past the “we like each other but we’re too clueless to notice that we reciprocate” phase, so even though their respective besties know, they are still denying. Besides, Reg, Alex, and Flynn know better than to keep pestering if they want to keep their kneecaps. In reality they’re both smart enough to tell by this point, but for the sake of the plot and to make everything more adorably frustrating, Flynn has the collective brain cell under lock and key, leaving Juke to be like *dog tilting its head and making that “a-roo?” noise*

Anyway, Reggie notices Luke being snubbed after realizing that his extra dose of Julie time was slightly out of the ordinary. Luke is clearly concerned (look at his eyebrows and how his eyes travel from Reggie, to Julie, then to the audience to trying and get his mind off it and bring his focus back to the main goal; the performance.) If he can’t have the moment of connection with Julie that he so desperately craves, he’s gonna fill that void as best he can by connecting with the audience. >:’)

But Reggie’s trying to help Luke brush it off by conveying his reaction as ‘look at julie coming into her own! i told you she was a star! and you thought you were the lead singer? think again buddy this girl’s got you beat!’

But since Reggie isnt a master at hiding his feelings yet, especially around Luke, —who was able to get under his skin earlier (“girls, am i right?”)—Luke was easily able to see through that and interpreted what Reggie was saying as “look at julie go, she all in the zone. you’re literally making heart eyes at her get a grip you’re slacking lmao” (hence luke’s right eyebrow quirking at reggie like ‘dude seriously gimme a break u know i need attention like tinkerbell’) even though Reggie’s true message was a bit less harsh and more lovingly teasing, but it’s Luke, he sees things through his eyes and at his intensity, regardless of who it’s coming from. (This is one of the reasons why Luke comes off as selfish at times.)

Exhibit D

Poor Lukey boi can’t seem to catch a break today! Not only does Julie ignore him, then has a cute lil (platonic but it’s luke so it still makes him jealous >:P) moment, but now she has the AUDACITY to interact with Alex? The guy who was out learning Ghost 101 with this Willie guy instead of rehearsing with the band? What gives?! What’s he got that your moody ghost bf doesn’t? >:’(

He literally just watches, and even glances back in a way that, to me, screams ‘did i see that right? did i just see what i just saw with my own dreamy (but dead) eyes? say sike rn.’ \_(*_*)_/

Meanwhile, Alex pays no mind. I like to think that Alex is fully aware that Luke is an angry boy rn, but has learned to ignore it, especially this bc literally NOTHING happened. Either that or Alex has no clue and just truly thinks nothing of it and is having too much fun to think about Luke’s moody and childish behavior. Either way, Alex is just straight chilling and we love to see it *^_^*

Notice how Reggie is right there vibing with Julie and Alex. Luke feels a bit betrayed like ‘not you too! i know you were the first to turn on me but i figured since you’re such a golden retriever you’d be loyal and come back to my side!😠🥲’

Also; Luke approaches the rest of the group, wanting to be included in at least SOME of the vibing, but when Julie starts dancing and smiling with her buddy Alex, he backs up like

“you know what? nope. nevermind. not doin’ it.”

and the group’s like “i mean hey it’s your loss, but luke we want you to-”

“no, bc you chose to piss me off right in front of my face so no luke time for any of you! no cuddles, no hugs, no nothing! you made your bed, now lie in it and perish.”

Exhibit E & F: This is where it gets a bit interesting and theorized hehe...

Now we all know that this moment is just fucking ICONIC

WEOWH NEOW NEOW!!! WEOW NEHR NEHR NER-NER-NER NEHR NEHR NEOWHR!!! (wer nehr-nehr-ner-ner-nehr-nehr!!) WUEHNER-NEUHNER-NEHR-NEEOW-NEOWH! DLOOLOODDUH-DOODLAH-HOOBLUEH-NEOWHR-NEUEHR-NEEEEEEUOWRH!!!!

But hear me out– HEAR ME OUT!

What if... now don’t shoot the messenger who just so happens to also be the theorist... but what if...

WHAT IF!!! Luke didn’t!! plan this?!!!

Listen i know you’re probably thinking:

“Well uh Nicole, isn’t that kinda the whole point? It literally wasn’t planned until Charlie realized Madi was gonna be standing on the piano so he suggested the idea for the guitar solo to Kenny.”

And you’re right! But here’s the kicker:

What if Luke THE CHARACTER, just decided to do this as an “Alright that’s it! You wanna be like that? Well what if I just hit you with my super awesome radical totally cool wowza guitar skills & make a moment between us? Huh? What do you think about that? Hmm? HMMM???!!!”

He licks his lips & that to me read** like he was nervous (**read rhyming with bed just to clarify) so that means it could’ve been a spontaneous, spur-of-the-moment thing.

In the second gif, you can see that Julie’s head is tilted, as if she’s a bit confused, but she’s also delightfully surprised.

Julie is quick to smile and scrunch her nose at Luke, something she does often. It tells Luke his impulsive action garnered a positive response from his favorite girl. Julie also starts to shake her head, but doesn’t go through the motion in full, which means she’s still a bit nervous to let her guard down. This is probably because she doesn’t know what he’s thinking or what he will do next. The lopsided smile mixed with the suave, gliding steps towards her probably brought her back to her daydream lol.

Luke’s happy bc Julie’s no longer ignoring him. He smiles like a GOOBER bc this chump is simping HARD for our Julie. So cute! :’)

Exhibit G

And hear me when I offer this:

What if Luke poofed the guys out???

I know, I know. It’s a bold claim to make. But the boys are special, considering they are a threat to Caleb (3 gay-variant himbos vs. a gay magician that could’ve been on broadway but decided to make some sort of deal with a devil so he just entertains capitalists who most likely sold their souls to get into the hgc which i will probably elaborate on in a future theory so dont do that bc im gonna lmao idc we all have big brains) So it’s not too crazy to think that they could share some ghost powers.

We know Caleb transported the guys during You Got Nothing to Lose. And the guys have left a place at the exact same time on more than one occasion.

And you may be thinking “well what if the guys poofed out to give juke a moment alone together?” And to that I say...

Look at Reggie. He isn’t looking back at Alex like “dude let’s give them some space.”

The timing of him turning around, at least to me, makes me think Reggie was surprised by Luke approaching the piano. (But also he lowkey was waiting for Luke to prove him wrong by doing something to get Julie’s attention so Reggie isn’t mad. Neither is Alex but he doesn’t like being told how or WHEN to ghost) Luke doesn’t even give his bandmates a warning eyebrow quirk, a hand signal, nothing. Reggie turns to Alex like ‘dude what is he DOING?’ And before he can even really convey that, they go *POOF*

This man had a plan and he was gonna do it, so he did. Whether it’s the power of love, they stopped performing, or Reggie and Alex actually poofed out, the odds worked in Luke’s favor so he and Julie could have a super special moment, a moment special enough to make an actual living person (Nick) wonder if a “hologram” has a better chance at connecting with Julie than he does.

Again, regardless of who made them poof or how they poofed, they mf poofed so Luke’s a happy hamster. (Idk it just sounded fitting instead of happy camper lol wait what if someone had 3 pet hamsters and named them alex reggie and luke🥺 someone buy some hamsters and let me be their godmother or their aunt and i’ll love them from afar.) Anyway, Luke’s thriving, flourishing, his crops are going to grow in time for the harvest.

You can see Julie lean back as she turns to see Luke. It’s... almost as if... She. Wasn’t. Expecting. Him. To. Be. There..??

Honey badger Luke bc he DGAF <|:) Bitch, it’s Luke mf Patterson and he’s gonna,, GET! IN! YOUR! FAAAACE!!!

You CANNOT tell me he’s not doing the absolute MOST to try and seduce Miss Juliana Mariposa Rose Molina.

Yes I’m making a headcanon that Julie has TWO middle names and that one of them is the spanish word for butterfly and that the other is her mother’s name. Also yes, I believe (i believe that we’re just one dream away from who we’re– oh, that’s not what we’re doing? okay, sorry!) that Juliana is Julie’s full name.

In this house we love and respect Juliana Mariposa (Dahlia)** Rose Molina

**I’m just putting Dahlia there for fun bc I can. :) Whether I’d consider it a possible middle name of hers depends. Anyway I just thought it was a cute thing to add bc it goes along with the other middle names I gave her *^_^* Also, I feel like I made a post giving a bunch of the characters middle names lemme see if I can find it later)

Ok i’m done this took me basically all day from like 10am until 4:08. I obviously took breaks in between, but not long ones...😶

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

HASO, “Found Out.”

I took inspiration from the ONE question on the discord server that has caused me no little amount  of annoyance. I have had it asked so many times that now there is an auto response to anyone who asks me the question. Those of you who are on the server know what I am talking about. Those of you who don’t. I will answer at the end of this post.

Simon had to see what was going on.

Granted, the admiral’s business was the Admiral’s business, but there was something strange going on here, and she felt that it was her job to figure out what that was going on. As it occurred to her, generally when something was going on with the Admiral, oftentimes it was something strange and dangerous.

The odd behavior that Corporal Ramirez was now exhibiting might be evidence of some sort of strange contagious mind control alien that…. Well she didn’t know, but it probably infected other people through like…. Spores or something.

She never knew with the Admiral. 

She made her way up onto the command deck and passed the vacant offices. Most of the officers had already clocked off for the day and gone to eat dinner or to bed. Even she should have been off by then, but the strange behavior of the corporal and reports from Yeb (the strange little Tricar with the Green mohawk who now worked with the mess hall staff) that the marine had been stealing large amounts of fruit from the walk in fridge.

Whatever was going on, she had to get down to the bottom of it even if no one else was interested in helping.

She had tried to go to Krill, the only rational person ironically not even a person, to talk to him, but he had been too busy with a relatively routine, but still emergency, surgery and had been unable to speak with her. Dr Katie had been assisting him, and she considered Dr. Katie to be the second most rational person on the ship, and super sweet, but just her luck both of them were too busy.

So it was up to her to figure out what was going on.

She made it up to the Admiral’s door and waited.

She could hear nothing overt just yet, and so she pressed her ear up against the doo hoping that she might be able to hear something, but of course there was nothing. She went to step back contemplating what might be best to do, but as she did, her hand pressed against the opening pad on the door and it slid suddenly open with the soft familiar hiss. She was a bit surprised at first, having expected the door to be locked, and so she stood there blinking owlishly.

The room was dark mostly, light spilled in from the window on the right, bathing the room in the delicate pink of a nearby nebulae.

It wasn’t the only light source though, overhead, on the ceiling a strip of blue neon rested over the bed shedding light downwards on all of his strange and nerdy possessions, movie posters, moon lander replicas, and some other weird stuff that she couldn’t identify.

She saw some movement, and looked down to see the captain’s dog waffles resting in her bed. Her tail thumped once or twice upon seeing Simon.

Simon pursed her lips, she liked Waffles well enough, but was more of a cat person, and was glad the dog didn’t get up,

However, the good things about the animal was mostly to do with her being a good indication of what was going on in the room. As far as Simon could tell, the dog didn’t seem upset in any way, or even distrubed. In fact, she lay her head back down and closed her eyes barely even bothered that Simon had intruded on her master’s room without calling.

Her eyes scanned ver the room as her eyes adjusted, the dull neon light showed more and more of the room.

And the two men lying prone on the bed.

She froze not entirely sure what to think.

Crew fraternization was CLEARLY against the UNSC rules, and a marine with the admiral had some implications that she didn’t even want to think about.

She stood there confused in the doorway for a long moment not sure what to do.

By all rights she should turn the two of them in according to the UNSC guidelines, but… but could see do that? She didn’t know? The rest of the crew would be pissed at her if she did, and she could lose her job. Was this really something she wanted to get herself involved with? Was this really something she COULD get herself involved with.

She stood there racked with indecision for the longest moment until one of the figures began to move, likely allerted. She went to turn around, to run away or something, but just then the Admiral sat up and looked over at her.

He tilted his head as if confused and then his eyes went wide.

She held up her hands, “Admiral I…”

Before she could do anything, the admiral leaped forward off the bed ran over and grabbed her arm, dragging her inside and forcing the door shut. Corporal Ramirez was sitting up now looking groggy and confused.

The Admiral had a hand clamped over her mouth.

Her eyes were wide and wild.

She tried to pull away but he gripped her tighter, “Simon, don’t freak out.”

Ramirez sat up rubbing his head.

“Promise not to freak out, and I will let you go.”

She paused and then nodded, not entirely sure she was going to do what he wanted but she relaxed anyway.

He let her go and held out his hands eying her as if he was ready to jump forward.

Simon didn’t try to run away, but she did cross her arms, “This is unacceptable, Admiral. Absolutely unacceptable.”

He frowned at her seeming oddly confused for someone who had been caught.

“But you haven’t even-”

“Fraternizing with members of the crew!” She announced, she pointed at Ramirez, “And you with your commanding officer.”

The two of them looked at each other for a second confused again before it seemed to dawn on them.

Even in the Dim neon light she saw the Admiral turn red, and Ramirez raised his hands defensively

“Woah woah hold on.”

“We are not , we were’t….”

“Never in my life.:”

“He’s not even my type.”

“This looks weird, but I promise I can explain everything.”

Simon frowned and crossed her arms, “Oh I think it is pretty obvious. You all are acting weird, and then I find you in bed together. That seems pretty clear to me.”

Admiral Vir raised a hand, “I mean I'll admit it does LOOK shady, but we fell asleep kind of on accident, but I would never, not with him.”

Ramirez frowned, “ouch, insulted, but seriously. We weren’t doing anything. And you know me, if we were I would definitely make some inappropriate joke right about now for sure.”

Simon huffed angrily.

“Then what WERE you doing.”

“Well…”

At that moment a dark snakelike shape rose up from the center of the bed, turned towards her and opened it’s mouth.

Simon screamed and tried leaping away, but the Admiral grabbed her again and clamped a hand over her mouth. She tried to fight out of his grip, but he was far too strong. The THING on the bed lifted up higher it’s mouth still open. What was that! Some kind of mind control creature! An alien brain sucker! 

She continued to struggle.

The Admiral Pushed her up against the door hand over her mouth.

“SImon, SIMON!, stop. Stop struggling and we can explain! But I swear if you scream I…. I’lll….. Well I don’t know what Ill do right now, but it will be….. Very unpleasant.” He paused and frowned, “Mindly unpleasant…… well it might be a little unpleasant, definitely a good scolding.”

She frowned in confusion and stopped struggling, and the man, once again, removed his hand from her mouth.

The thing on the bed closed its mouth and blinked one slimy yellow green eye at her.

“What. the. Fuck. is. That.”

Admiral Vir rubbed the back of his head, “Well that is…. That is Jeffery.”

“Jeffery…?”

The snake-thing unwound itself from it’s curled position and slithered onto the floor. Waffles was standing up drawn out of her bed by all the commotion, and as she stood the snake slithered over, reared up and slipped over the dog’s back, wrapping around her belly once and then once around her neck, until it was wrapped around her like some strange looking scarf, head raised into the air like some knd of demented parascope. The dog leaned her head down to lick the snake once before looking back up at Simon.

“Where…. Where did you get it.”

“Huh…. um…. So funny story, we were down on this planet you see-”

She groaned, “You stole and alien from an alien planet!.”

“I mean…. Yes and no, you se Jeffery wanted to come.”

She glowered at him, “Did Jeffery SAY that.”

“Well, no, but I did try to put him back, honestly I did, but then I went to leave. He followed after me and he just looked so sad that I couldn’t leave him.” The man’s eye was wide like that of a child asking to keep a  kitten he had found on the side of the road. 

Waffles took a few steps forward, and now the snake was nearly at chest height looking at her.

She eyed it warily.

“Go on.” The admiral urged, “he likes chin scratches.”

She turned to look at him, “No I am NOT going to pet the snake.”

From the other side of the room Ramirez whispered, “Do it.”

The Admiral nodded encouragingly, and the two of them together frustrated her enough that she finally reached forward and hesitantly rubbed the soft skin under the strange alien’s chin. To her surprise the snake thing learned its head back as if it was enjoying the experience. Before she knew what was happening, it suddenly began curling around her arm and slithering up around her shoulders until it was resting with it’s head on top of hers.

It was…. Strange, and kind of…. nice .

Simon didn’t generally like hugs, or being touched by people period, but there was something about this that felt like…. All the good parts of a hug without any of the bad parts.

She knew pretty immediately that she had been dragged right into this with them.

She frowned.

“Do the two of you even know how to take care of a snake?”

They paused and turned to look at each other. Adam shook his head and Ramirez shrugged.

“Well he isn’t exactly a snake now is he?”

They did have a point.

“Besides, we’ve figured out what he can eat. He likes blueberries, strawberries. And he really loves Pineapple.”

“Pineapple, are you serious?”

“Yeah we were kind of skeptical at first, but he really just went for it, and you know we have been monitoring his health to make sure that he is ok, and it seems to be working rather well.”

Adam nodded, seeming pleased with himself, “Yeah, I seem to recall those berries having a pretty acidic smell, so maybe that’s sort of just the kind of thing that he eats.”

Simon frowned, clearly the two of them had no idea what they were doing. They were definitely going to need her help to be more organized and to take care of this guy way better. She absently reached up to rub Jeffery’s chin.

Don’t worry, she thought, I am going to take good care of you

That question is, “Can Drev eat Pineapple.”  The answer is NO, but Jeffery can!

[rubykgrant]

I’m gonna write out little high-lights of my RVB Monster AU for Halloween reasons~ Things happen in a mostly normal-world modern setting, but obviously with monsters/fantasy creatures and such. Things plot-related happen almost the same way, but some stuff is earlier/later, shuffled around to work for my own purposes (so some of the key moments still happen, but occasionally in a different order). Here is the beginning, which as always, starts with two morons asking a big question-

“Hey?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you ever wonder why we’re here?”

“Well, that’s one of life’s great mysteries, isn’t it?”

The two men were standing on the rooftop of an old warehouse. The building had gone through several owners, being used as a storage facility, a garage for fixing up cars and various vehicles, a shipping business, a veterinary clinic for large animals and livestock, a recycling center… and possibly some kind of drug lab at one point. It was none of these now, but if a stranger saw the inside, they would assume the new owner was a combination a mechanic/pet doctor, using the left-behind equipment (and considering how shady everything appeared, a stranger would also probably assume this was a front for yet another drug lab). It was still none of these things. In truth, it was much stranger.

One man stood slouching with the late-afternoon sun on his back. The other was leaning against a vent that came out of the roof, in the shadows. He had a red long-sleeved button-up shirt on (despite the hot temperature), and black jeans. His shirt was neatly tucked-in, and his matching red hair was trimmed short in what was decidedly a “going to a job interview” style. His eyes were two different colors. Once, they had both been a soft brown, but now one was glass, the color of the iris some kind of magenta… or maroon. The other eye (the one that was still organic) was a golden-yellow. He looked like somebody who had gone through a growth-spurt some years back, and still hadn’t settled into himself; too lanky and gawky for his own good.

His companion in the sun was a little shorter, and considerably larger, but completely at ease with his shape and his weight. His skin was mostly a warm copper brown… but he had several patches of mis-matched skin tones on his left side; around his eye, his chest, his arm, his leg. Each area also showed several scars, signifying that it was the result of surgery and skin-grafts. His dark brown hair was parted in the center, falling down around his shoulders in long curls, and stubble on his chin. His eyes were so dark, they almost looked black. He wore an old faded baseball shirt (once white with orange on the collar and short sleeves, now a dingy-peachy color), and loose gray jeans that were worn-out at the knees. They were quite the odd pair, opposites in many ways that were obvious (and more that were evident in their interactions), yet it was clear they were used to each other’s company.

“Why ARE we here?” the man in the sun continued, answering the question from his friend in the shadows. “I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a god watching everything? You know, with a plan for us and stuff. I don't know man, but it keeps me up at night…”

“WHAT?” the other man stood up a little straighter, but remained behind the vent. “I meant why are we out HERE, in broad daylight? Sarge KNOWS it’ll burn me, and there’s not even anything for us to do! The only reason he sends us out to keep watch is because there’s that building over there he thinks is haunted, but we can’t see anything from here… and if there WAS anything going on over there, like ghosts or whatever, they could definitely see US! We don’t have any cover on the roof, but whoever might be over THERE is hidden behind the windows!”

“Oh… uh, yeah…”

“What was all that stuff about god?”

“Nothing,”

“You sure?”

“Yeah,”

They both decided to just skip it, and move on.

“But seriously, why ARE we out here, and why does Sarge care about that building so much?” the taller man waved his arm, gesturing to the building in question.

“I guess he wants to try catching ghosts next, or something?” the shorter man shrugged.

“Then we should just GO OVER THERE, right?”

“Pfff… nah, are you kidding? Just standing around, looking at a building? This is the easiest job I ever had,” he sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Grif, you- OK, first of all! This isn’t a JOB, we aren’t getting paid! Second, you don’t even remember most of your life before a few months ago, you have no basis of comparison!”

“Fair point, but come on Simmons… seriously? What job could I have possibly had that would be easier than this?”

From his spot in the shadows, Simmons looked away for a moment, thinking.

“Hmm… well, I remember reading about people being paid to take part in sleep studies. You just nap and keep a dream journal, or whatever…”

“Oh man, are you kidding!? I WISH that was my life!” Grif kicked at an old rusty can, causing it to fall off the roof. “Instead, here I am, stuck in this stupid building, in this stupid town, in this stupid canyon-”

“Where we have to look at a potentially haunted building, at random intervals, day and night…” Simmons added.

“All because Scruffy the Vampire Slayer is paranoid!”

Despite himself, this caused Simmons to snort laughter. Grif grinned, pleased that his pun was appreciated.

“Even if that building IS haunted… it doesn’t seem like something bad, you know? I never see anybody running out of there screaming bloody murder. If we just ignored it, what would happen? Nothing. It would just be a boring building with boring ghosts, and we’d just be another boring building with boring… whatever we are,” Simmons leaned once more on the vent, glaring up at the sky that was still dangerously bright.

“I think monsters sums us up pretty good,” Griff suggested.

“Right, monsters who don’t do anything. Over there are ghosts who don’t do anything. Whoopty-fucking-doo…”

“You gonna actually SAY that to Sarge? Hmm? Gonna finally stand up to him, use your big-boy voice, and tell the crazy old man you don’t wanna follow orders anymore? Is this beginning of your rebellious phase?” Grif reached over, shoving Simmons lightly on the arm.

“Well… no… but! I’m gonna remind him that me being outside in the day is a bad idea! YOU should get the day shift, and I should get the night shift. It just makes sense,”

“Aww, but Simmons… then we wouldn’t get to spend quality time together, having all these deep and meaningful conversations!” Grif gave him a look of fake-concern, like he was hurt and might start crying.

“Oh, right. I forgot. We’re philosophers discussing the secrets of the universe, life’s great mysteries, right?” Simmons smirked.

“Exactly… like, if you could only taste one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? No matter what you ate, it has the same flavor?” Grif asked.

“That’s a stupid question for a vampire, man. Everything I eat DOES have the same flavor now. It all tastes like blood, because guess what? I have to drink blood. Because I’m a VAMPIRE,” Simmons shook his head.

“No, but I mean, if you could magically taste something ELSE, whether you were drinking blood or eating a salad, or whatever, what would you pick?” Grif pressed on. “I’d want everything to taste like chocolate. Milk chocolate. That’s my favorite, and I’d never get sick of it…”

“Jeez… it would’ve been impossible to get you to chill out if you tasted chocolate every time you tried to eat a person!” Simmons replied, remembering how it had been with Grif when they first found him.

“Yeah, I don’t know what those other zombies were on about… brains and human flesh is GROSS. Chocolate, though? MMM, I could do the zombie-shuffle-walk for days to get some good chocolate,”

“Uh-huh, and  that’s EXACTLY how we caught you!” Simmons almost reached out to return the arm-punch, but managed to hesitate and stop in time… Grif was still in direct sunlight, and Simmons would get scorched if he left his little patch of shadow. Grif seemed to realize this, in that quiet and easy way that caused both of them to somehow pick-up each other’s habits. Grif leaned over to nudge Simmons with his shoulder, and they both laughed together.

[keelywolfe]

FIC: Just Swimmingly ch.4 (BAON)

Summary:  Jeff doesn't know where they are or where they're going, but he knows one thing. It's probably not good.

Tags:  Spicyhoney, Established Relationships,  Hurt/Comfort, Additional Tags To Come

Part of the ‘by any other name’ series.

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Read it on AO3

or

Read it here!

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By the time the van came to a stop, Stretch still hadn’t woken up. Not that it mattered very much, there wasn’t a thing Jeff could have done to change their situation. At the moment, they were very much outnumbered, overpowered, and even if he’d had a clue where they were, it wouldn’t have done them any good. Before they dragged him out of the van, one of the thugs yanked a bag over his head. Blinded, he struggled to stumble along as two guys pulled him out, trying not to cry out as they led him barefoot across crumbling asphalt into a building with rough carpet.

He kept as quiet as he could, trying to not only listen in case they said anything useful, but also for Stretch, praying to a God he hadn’t spoken to since he was fifteen and his father threw him out that they didn't hurt Stretch. Jeff could survive a few bumps and bruises, but he didn't know how much Stretch could withstand. Intent was key when it came to Monsters, he knew that much, and these guys seemed to have plenty.

At first, he tried to keep track of where he was being led. An impossible effort when the twists and turns of being dragged along left him too disoriented to know his way up or down. They seemed to walk forever until his captors suddenly stopped and Jeff was shoved down into a chair. Rough hands grabbed at him, rope suddenly binding his wrists and ankles. He didn’t struggle as he was tied, only tried to tense his muscles as much as possible, some shitty internet meme he vaguely remembered reading said that it could help slip free later.

Turned out memes weren’t the best source for escape plans. When they were done, Jeff subtly tried to move and the best he could manage was a painful rope burn. The ropes felt like they were wound through the slats in the chair and unless Houdini decided to make good on his possible return from the other side, Jeff was going nowhere fast.

He could hear their captors moving around, muttering too low to be understood and the other sounds might have been more rope. Tying up Stretch, maybe, he hoped that’s what it was; at least if they were together, that was something, hell, that was everything right now.

The bag suddenly getting ripped off his head made him gasp, flinching from the glaring light pointed directly into his face. Squinting, he could barely see the shadowy figures standing behind it, but he was sure he could see a cell phone pointed in his direction.

“Say your name,” a rough voice demanded.

“Andy—” he began automatically. “No, Jeff, I’m sorry, Jeff! My name is Jeff!” There was nothing else and Jeff shifted, grimacing as the ropes dug in. It was on the tip of his tongue to go on, to blurt that he worked in public relations, that he was nobody important and not worth ransoming. He bit the inside of his lip to keep those rambles from pouring out. Partly because it was probably stupid to tell kidnappers your value or lack thereof, and partly because of Edge. He’d always told them to never offer more information than was necessary and yeah, he’d been talking about board games at the time, but Jeff doubted that Clue was where Edge learned that particular rule. If these assholes wanted more info, they could damn well ask.

Either his name was all they wanted or they already had whatever other info they needed. Jeff didn’t even have a chance to try squinting through the too-bright light when one of them came towards him and yanked the bag back over his head. He sat there, sweat beading on his face and his own breath threatening to smother him as he listened to their captors moving around next to him.

“He can’t talk,” one of them said disgustedly. “He’s still wasted.”

Stretch. That meant he was right next to him, thank fucking god.

The rough sound of a slap made Jeff tense, protests bitten off when the same voice cursed and there came the sound of someone rubbing their head, “What the fuck, man!”

“That’s exactly how we want him, dumbass! He doesn’t need to talk, all they need is a good look at him. Come on, they’re waiting.”

Footsteps and then the sound of a door closing. Jeff strained to hear if anyone was still in there with them around his own breathing loud in his ears, his pulse thundering. There was nothing, no shuffle of feet against the floor or the creak of a chair. Jeff waited a little longer, curling his chilly toes against the rough carpet.

Nothing. Jeff took a long, slow breathing, trying to calm his racing pulse. He needed to be cool right now so he could try to think of something. Even if the Embassy was willing to give these assholes whatever they wanted, they sure as hell couldn’t count on that saving their lives. He was no strategist, his degree was in sociology, for fuck’s sake, but. Stretch always called him Handy Andy and it made him feel like someone different, someone braver who could stand up to a violent asshole on a bus and help Stretch with crazy experiments involving swinging bottles of Diet Coke rigged with automatic mentos dispensers. Jeff might not be the best for this situation, but Andy was sure as hell gonna try.

“Stretch,” Jeff said softly. He waited for someone to shout or a slap followed by a demand that he shut up. When none came, he went on, soft and urgent, “I know you can't hear me, but, just in case you can. It's gonna be okay. I know you're big on promises and I'm promising you right now we're getting out of this. I promise you." If he could glean anything of what Jeff was saying, he hoped he could hear that much. At least maybe he wouldn't be afraid.

"i sure hope so, i didn't get this far in life to get dusted by a low rent group of third rate scooby doo level villains. seriously, they tied us up with rope, were they out of packing tape at ‘kidnappers ‘r’ us’ or were they just eager to try the knots they learned in boy scouts before they got kicked out."

Okay, that wasn’t quite the last thing he’d expected, but it was close.

"Stretch?" Jeff gasped out. He couldn’t see a damn thing through the bag, but he could hear a muted popping sound. Suddenly, the bag was gone, far gentler than before and then he was blinking up into Stretch’s smirking face.

Jeff looked around a little wildly and next to him was another chair, the still-tied ropes hanging from the rungs in loose coils.

“yeah, sorry. i woke up back in the van, didn’t want to tip them off. wherever they buy their roofies must not have given them a dosage chart.” Stretch settled his hands on Jeff’s shoulders. “hold still, this is a lot easier than fighting with knots.”

It was the gentlest and shortest teleport he’d ever felt. Only a brief disorientation and when his vision cleared, he was sitting on top of the ropes that had just been binding him.

Jeff scrambled to his feet, swiping his sleeve across his sweaty forehead. Holy shit, maybe he should take up praying again more regularly, this was the fastest service he’d ever gotten. “Can you get us outside?”

His heart sank as Stretch shook his head. “that's gonna be a no. with the bags on our heads, i couldn't see where we are. shortcutting is tricky, it's dangerous to teleport blind. that's how you end up stuck in walls or halfway inside a table or some shit.” Stretch waved a slender hand at the chairs. “dangerous, not impossible. a few inches above where i was sitting was a pretty safe bet to get out of the ropes, but anything else is more likely to get us dead than on the street.” He frowned, glancing around the room thoughtfully. “plus, i'm not going anywhere without a little intel. they’re fucking idiots, but they knew enough to drug me and how to do it. that's not information you can just look up on a wiki-how.”

“Okay,” Jeff took a deep, steadying breath. "So, what do we do, then?” He glanced at the door. “Can you pick locks?"

"sure,” Stretch said absently. He was looking around the room. It was a storage room of some sort, there was more dusty furniture aside from the chairs, including a rickety desk, and metal cabinets lined the walls. “but i can't do much about the door being barred. i heard something get braced against it when they went out.

"Oh. Right."

“yeah,” Stretch agreed, “at least one of them has a brain cell or two rolling around up top, enough to get them this far. but the road trip is over and it’s time to pay the tolls.” Stretch shook his head disgustedly. "first rule of kidnapping is never leave the kidnappees alone. seriously, i'm getting my cues from netflix and even i know that.”

His eye lights paused in their survey of the room, brightening. Jeff followed his gaze and saw in one corner there was an honest to god old-fashioned rotary telephone pushed into the far corner of the desk, nearly buried under the clutter.

"can't be that easy, can it?” Stretch marveled. He picked it up the handset and held to his skull, then sighed unhappily. “nope. no dial tone, no surprise there, no one has a landline anymore. don’t you worry though, little phone.” Stretch gave it a soft pat. “you’re gonna be real useful in just a minute. seriously, this is just embarrassing. my first kidnapping attempt and they locked us in a room with an entire arsenal.”

“I must be missing the vendor in the corner willing to hand over gear if we do a mission for them,” Jeff joked weakly.

“everything is an arsenal if you’ve got the skills.” Stretch rummaged through the desk and came up triumphantly with…a paperclip? He set it on the desk, adding a pencil, some scotch tape, and what looked to Jeff like an old tube of superglue. “kidnapped by the ebott equivalent of the america’s dumbest criminals, fuck me. edge is going to be up my ass for a month.”

“I don’t think you’re giving him enough credit.” It was easier to be calm in the face of Stretch’s ease. “I think six months is the bare minimum.”

“i really wish you weren’t right.” Stretch glanced around the room again, this time directing his gaze upward. “hm, that’ll work.” Tall as he was, the ceiling was still out of reach even for him. Stretch pulled one of the chairs over, ropes trailing behind it like tentacles, and stood on it, reaching for the smoke detector. Jeff could only blink in confusion as he yanked it right off the ceiling.

"You're going to burn down the building?” Jeff asked. Not that he didn’t trust Stretch, but, uh, that seemed extreme for a first escape attempt. “That’d get us out, but I don't think we'll be any more alive."

"nah, just need some parts,” Stretch jerked his head towards the door. “keep an ear on the hallway, will ya, in case they remember that leaving us alone is probably stupid."

“Got it.” Jeff went to the door but before he could press his ear to it, Stretch called his name.

"hey, kiddo, i'm gonna get us out of this." Stretch offered him a familiar, lopsided smile. "i know i don't look like much, but i've been known to keep my head in a bad situation."

"You already saved me once,” Jeff said honestly, "why wouldn't I believe you now?"

Stretch’s pale eye lights flickered with memory, his expression briefly tightening. How did he remember that horrible night in that parking lot, Jeff wondered, what nightmares haunted Stretch’s sleep? He knew something happened after the ambulance took him away, but he’d never heard the entire story. After he’d been released from the hospital, he’d been wrapped up in healing enough to start his new job at the Embassy and as time passed, he hated to ask, didn’t want to dredge it all up again, not when everyone was slowly getting past it. Besides, the others had their own shit to deal with, what with the attack in California and everything happening in Ebott. His trauma was his to handle and that was the end of it.

At the desk, Stretch got to work, humming the ‘mission impossible’ theme under his breath as he dissected the phone and smoke detector with a makeshift screwdriver made from a bent paperclip taped to a pencil. His hands were as deft and easy as any demonstration he’d done for the local kids and Jeff could only marvel at his ease.

“How can you be so calm?” Jeff blurted, wincing even as the words escaped. He hadn’t meant to say it, didn’t want to distract him. Stretch only flicked a glance his way, both browbones raised.

“me?” Stretch snorted, “i am not calm. beneath this gorgeous cookie crust exterior is a honey pie of a person who would start shitting themselves if i could grow the prerequisite equipment. but we're gonna be okay.”

“How do you know?” Jeff hated the faint pleading in his own voice, he shouldn’t be distracting; Stretch was as stuck here as he was and with his HP, it was even worse. He was supposed to be the one helping Stretch, he’d promised, and the best he could do was lookout.

“you seriously think red isn't already on it?” Stretch asked and as terrifying as Red could be, thinking about him right now eased some of the aching fear that was settled in Jeff’s stomach. “all he needs is a clue and we’re gonna get him one. i only hope he can keep edge from razing the city and salting the earth beneath it until then. people might be a little tetchy about that and i’m not even sure you can come up with a press release that’d cover ‘sorry about starting city-wide armageddon, my bad.’”

Before Jeff could think of a reply to that, either an agreement, or a protest that a little chaos could be excused considering the circumstances, he heard footsteps coming from down the hallway. Panicked, he hissed out, “They're coming!”

“fuck, okay, okay.” Stretch scrambled over and set some kind of contraption on the floor near the door that was all waggling wires and circuit boards. He grabbed Jeff by the wrist and dragged him along. “over here, come on, this a harder trick, but you can do it. i need you to hold as still as you can. if you move, they might see you, you get me?"

Jeff managed a hasty nod as Stretch shoved him into a corner, cramming them both in tight, out of the way. "don't move, don't talk,” Stretch reminded him, a low murmur close to his ear. The slim, bony arms around him were comforting and even knowing that Stretch couldn’t physically protect him, having him towering overhead as he caged Jeff against the wall felt oddly safe.

Then something happened. He didn’t know how to describe it. It felt like a heavy curtain fell over the world, everything going distant and muffled, even his vision greying like he was about to faint, only he’d never felt so awake. There was a sudden popping explosion as the door swung open and collided with Stretch’s contraption, but it sounded miles away, the kidnappers’ curses as muffled as if they were speaking from another world.

He didn’t move, held perfectly still even as that curtain slowly grew claustrophobic, nausea starting to churn. Jeff closed his eyes, swallowing convulsively and just went he thought he couldn’t stand it a moment longer, that he either needed to move or he’d start screaming, it was suddenly gone and Stretch was stepping back.

When he opened his eyes, he saw Stretch was pale, sweat showing visibly on his skull. "are you okay?" Stretch asked.

“Me?” Jeff blurted. He caught hold of Stretch’s arms to brace him as he wobbled on his feet. “I’m fine, what about you!”

"i’ll be okay.” Stretch wiped his face on the sleeve of the crummy shirt he’d been forced into with a grimace. “i pulled us halfway into the void. it works, but it burns a lot of juice. the assholes booked it out of here, but more importantly, they left the door open."

The door was opened, they could leave, and yet, Jeff found himself blurting out, “They’ll get away!”

“no,” Stretch said grimly. “they’ll look for us first, thinking we couldn’t have gotten too far. these guys aren’t gonna ditch and run that fast, they know too much. think about it. drugs work on monsters but how do they know what kind and how much? lucky for me, skeleton monsters are different. our systems are finicky, we’re hard to drug. whoever tipped them off about how to roofie me didn’t know that.”

His sockets narrowed suddenly, Stretch turning away to look in the rusty cabinet next to them. “oh, honey,” he said gleefully, “jackpot.”

Jeff joined him, peering into the cabinet as Stretch cautiously wrenched it open. “What did you find?”

He held up a bottle of bleach and said, smugly, “just some nice, normal household chemicals. they can be lots of fun if you know how to mix 'em up and i'm a one hell of a bartender. but first.”

On the desk was another little contraption that was mostly wires and tape. Stretch picked it up and walked over to squat next to a wall outlet. Carefully, he pushed it into the socket. There was a sputtering spark and a tiny red light blinked to life.

“there we go.” Stretch stood, dusting off his hands. “i don’t even want to think about how pants-shittingly angry edge probably is right now, but we can’t let them get the ransom that asgore is probably going to pay and we sure as hell can’t let them get away.”

He grinned then, wickedly sharp for all that his teeth were blunt. “so, how’s about we have some fun, yeah?”

Jeff nodded determinedly. Fuck, yes. If he was going to add to his repertoire of nightmares, he was damn well going to make sure someone else paid for it, in spades.

tbc

[popculturebuffet]

Scotrospective: Scott Pilgrim Vs the World (The Comic)

Hello, Hello, Hello scottaholics! And what a beautiful day it is: After decades lost in the lost woods, at least it had that catchy tune to keep it company, Scott Pilgrim Vs the World: The Game is FINALLY back and performing for you on all platforms!

Even Stadia, the platform most likely to disappear like this game did for a while! Cheap shots at the stadia aside as a huge fan of the franchise as a whole and of this game who played it back on the 360, and had since sold said 360 so I had no way to get it back or ever play the dlc packs. Seriously who didn’t want to play wallace but never got to? Everyone, everyone is the answer. But with those the entirety of what I consider to be the main cast is playable, it has online so you can beat up hipsters, guys in costumes and robots with your friends, it’s a good damn feeling.  And since i’m in a celebratory mood, naturally i’m also feeling like a review. And since it just so happens the next volume up in my look at the comics is Vs the World, seriously I planned this review for this month without thinking to have it come out on the same day as the game until a week or two in, I felt there was no better way to celebrate the biggest day for Scott Pilgrim fans in some time.. and for Brian Lee O Malley as he’ll stop getting twitter asks about it. So with all the exposition taken care of LAST TIME, and the link right there if your curious, we can jump right in. On with the show!

After our opening titles, and yes this comic has opening titles, with Ramona sitting solmely in the rain. 

And Scott caught in the title. The rain shot is real pretty by the way. But yeah once we get past those we’re taken back 7 years ago. Finn found out his father was an asshole, and voiced by Stephen Root so hey you take the good with the bad, Steven just learned the horrifying truth about Gem Monsters, Guardians of the Galaxy saved the MCU and I was trying to find work after college.. wait... sorry sorry that was 7 years ago from THIS year. The comic came out in 2005, though the comic takes place on a sliding timescale where only like 2 years pass so I dunno when this is. Let’s just say 98.  Okay so 1998: Bill Cllinton’s sex scandal breaks, and puts way too much of hte blame on the young intern whose life came to be defined by one stupid mistake she made with a man who was way older and should’ve known better, the tide of the Monday Night War turned in favor of the WWF as Stone Cold Steve Austin became a household name, and it was an utterly standup year for video game relaases with Ocarina of Time, Banjo-Kazooie, Crash Bandicoot: Warped, StarCraft, Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, WWF: War Zone, Pokemon Stadium, Spyro The Dragon, Pokemon Yellow, WarioLand 2, Oddworld: Abe’s Exodus, Star Wars: Rogue Squadron, Pokemon: Trading Card Game and Sonic Adventure. It’s like someone took a good chunk of my childhood and squeezed it into one year holy shit, I did not expect this when looking up what came out in 98. 

And while the movie pool wasn't’ quite this amazing, we still had The Wedding Singer, The Big Lebowski, the dude abides, Batman and Mr Freeze: SubZero, The Truman Show, Mulan, the good one not the one made near concetration camps that makes her into a demigod, Saving Private Ryan, Blade, Simon Birch, Scooby Doo on Zombie Island, Rushmore, Bride of Chucky, HalloweenTown, Plesantville, and the Prince of Egypt. And in music Weird Al changed from his first signature look to his second, getting Lasik and growing out his hair. Seirously had no idea that was this year. Good to know. Also Elton John got his knighthood. Super shooters. I could go on with 1998 triva for days but I cannot go on for 8 weeks so let’s get to the point here.. during alllla this  Scott Pilgrim, age 16, was starting St. John’s Catholic School and a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble. . by threatning to beat him up for no real reason. A fight insues and we cut to the principal’s office as Scott’s still a minor and not allowed to get into death fights just yet under the people’s freedom of choices and voices act. 

It’s here he meets Lisa Miler, a peppy and sarcastic blonde, who’s intrigued by the fact Scott somehow got beat up after being here just 15 minutes and wants to be friends. Naturally for scott next we see him he’s busy playing video games, and annoyed someone else is around and wondering who this person whose now in his basement is. God no wonder teenage me related to him. So for the next few pages we see their friendship in time lapse: Lisa joins him at lunch, then geninely wonders since Scott’s Untentionally a dick if he hates her.. it’s part of why I think Scott has some form of autisim. And not just because I tend to belivie a character is on the spectrum all the damn time, it’s because of the way he acts: while he is nice and charming at times.. he also clearly has trouble relating to people or realizing how his actions effect them and as seen here in a younger form can often be compeltely distanced from normal social queues, not getting how his actions might be seen until Lisa outright talks to him about it. I mean.. it’s not a huge stretch, and it dosen’t mean he’s nto responsible for his own actions, but it does EXPLAIN a lot of them better: why he just sorta forgets about Knives post-ramona but at the same time still cares enough he dosen’t want to hurt her despite you know, that ship sailing just by having moved on. 

But now the two are friends and his parents, who we meet for the first time and sister inquire about her being his girlfirned.. and by next jumpcut his parents apparently don’t want him hanging out with girls? What exactly the fuck? Also they mention Laurence, Scott’s brother whose missing for most of the books and has no real payoff for not being around. Next cut we get KIM!

Thank you Prissy. And she’s.. not all that different, assuming, correctly that their partner project, how she meets scott will just result in her doing all the work.. which not only is how these things usually went when I was in high school a decade later, but reminds me of the time me and my friends curtis and justin were put on a project and when asked who the alied powers were, guessed “Germany?”.... you can understand my fear. And also Curtis punching him for getting nothing done.. and not hard or brutally mind you just once quick in the gut and with full warning. Ah... the adaquate old days. 

So back to Lisa as, since Scott’s Mom has a guitar.. a fact I.. never honestly thought about. Seriously I never realized her children, since the Bass Scott has for most of the books is Laurence’s, getting into music was probably due to her. Also Lisa makes her case for WHY be a band: the school has a regular event called Lunchapalooza, where everyone goes to and since by teen logic, just being in a band is automiacally cool, she figures they can jump from not QUITE being in any cliques to being super cool. Which honestly yeah... while I didn’t know any bands in high school, the fact one of my friends, ironically named Scott, was a DJ automatically made him pretty damn cool once he got past his awkard phase. I never got past mine but somehow was loved by all except that one douchey kid in our group who mocked me for naming my Luxray kim, assuming it was based on Kim possible and not Kim Pine... though frankly how that’s an insult when Kim Possible was a fucking awesome show and character is beyond me but he was just 17 and also a douchebag, it didn’t have to make since it just had to piss off the easily pissed off kid with aspergers. So Scott poses how they can be a band with just their guitars and Lisa concedes drums WOULD help.. I mean it’s what MADE Shallow Gravy. 

So while Kim wonders if Scott is dating Lisa, because teenagers don’t really get girls and boys can be friends without wanting to be together, though not often as teenage boy brains can be rather stupid and horny... can confrim from personal experince. So it becomes clear Scott has a thing for Kim, and when Scott tries broaching it with Lisa she dosen’t take it well and he backpedals to asking her to be her drummer and plans to monday, proving Scott has somehow not gotten better at reading women, or anyone after 7 years. Can relate. 

So yeah he decides to ask Monday, same day as their presentation.. and thankfully missed the bus as he arrives to find the Benvy Tech boys came in, took everyone out and abducted Kim. Because yeah, just in case you were wondering Scott’s life was always like this.. or was it? Questions for later. So one Canadian Version of River City Ransom later, Scott’s made his way to simon... who, since most of you have probably seen the movie or art of the movie.. looks an AWFUL lot like Gideon. Hrmmm. Simon is naturally the final boss here and wonders if this is the best St. Joels can muster. Scott quips back as only Scott can. 

So cue an unsuprisingly awesome actoin sequence. IT’s part of why I love these color editions: While they already LOOKED thoroughly fantastic the added colors really help the series shonen manga meets old school video game vibe REALLY fucking pop. So Simon pleads mercy which like Scott delivering a good quip.. should’ve really been a red flag to younger me and is foreshadowing for later in case I was too subtle. He then does what any noble hero would do.. kicks simon into the sunset, tells Kim how he feels and asks her to play drums. They then make out. Awwww. 

Lisa suprisingly takes it well as the next montage shows.. granted we’ll learn in Feburary she wasn’t QUITE as over scott as it seemed, but the three, along with a friend of Lisa’s whose name I forgot and who DOSEN’T come back so I’m not going to bother learning, form their own friend group, Scott and Kim get an A, and Scott, Kim and Lisa’s band is dubbed sonic and knuckles, which is an objectively awesome band name. Something the series really does great: Video Game Based Band Names. Crash and the Boys, Sex Bomb-Omb, Clash at the Demonhead... we need more bands like this in the real world dammit. So then they play their big game, the two loose their vrigniity.. and then Kim asks scott “your moving to tornoto?” And.. for now.. that’s that. 

While the framing of that will be VERY important in the last volume, as notice how KIM’S the one who brings it up and it’s not explicitly stated scott actually told her, this flasback is great. While it does contribute to the volume’s drifty pacing, more  on that as we go, it brilliantly sets up a LOT of stuff for later, paticuarlly Lisa who I assumed wouldn’t be back and younger me’s jaw fucking DROPPED when she popped up in Volume 4. Granted i’m spoiling that suprise for you now but odds are most of you reading this have either alreaddy read these or were probably wondering if the girl from the animated short ever had any actual relevance in the books. So yes, yes she does. She’s also the pink haired girl you see pop up in the game in the background, as a nod to O’Malley’s comic strip style which had her and Kim as the leads.  Also yeah for fans of the game or movie or even the comics who were unaware.. this prologue got an animated adaption on adult swim to promote the movie. Naturally Micheal Cera and Allison Pill reprised their roles as Scott and Kim, with Mae Whitman voicing lisa.. and honestly being perfect for the roll, and Jason Schrwartzman voicing Simon naturally. While the animation is slightly limited, it still looks decent and expertly translates O’Malley’s art, while sliming things down slightly where needed to fit a short, and the anmation takes a huge bump for the fight scene which like the comic is short but awesome. While it has no real bearing on the film as Kim’s former relationship with Scott never really comes up or has any impact, as the Film while good was based primarily on volumes 1-3 with small pieces of 4 (paticuarlly the iconic “Lesbians gag”), with Wright working off outlines and drafts of 5 and 6, so the last half hour or so is mostly Wright’s invention. 

Not a bad thing as it’s still awesome and not o’malley’s fault but it means kim dosen’t get to do much, and is a big reason why I want an adaptation on netflix or hbo max. While i’d still want changes both because there’s no sense doing an adaptation if your not going to make some tweaks of your own and because it’d be intresting to update the series to modern day, both in societal conventions and so everyone stops saying the r word. Seirously the most telling sign of the series age is that word showing up quite a bit during the first half of the series. Point is there is merit in doing another remix of the story and doing a longer form one so we can get more of the characters, as well as flesh out ones like Steven, Neil (Who was done WAY better in the movie adaptation thanks to the wonderful Johnny Simmons), and Stacey who got the shaft in the books. Again, not slagging off the movie, it’s really great. Just saying there’s always room for more Scott Pilgrim content and we all know it. 

We’ll get back to the comic proper, and the present day of 2005, after the cut. 

So the story proper opens with Scott dreaming of playing video games... because of course he is with Ramona walking in. and finding it charmingly pathetic but wanting her boyfriend to you know, get out of bed. It’s 11:30.  So with Scott’s ass out of bed, we find Scott, Age 23 idiot with a heart of gold and Wallace, 25 king of all gays, on the bus as they talk it getting warmer and Lucas Lee, movie star and jason lee stand in coming to town to film a movie.. and Scott being Scott gets him confused for Luke WIlson. He’s also seen Bottle Rocket which.. good on him. Seriously while not wes anderson’s best film, those were made long afte this comic was published, it’s still a damn good one.. where was his career at this point... looking it up life aquatic was his most recent films and is still one of my favorites. So yeah he was in a good place career wise. 

Scott proudly talks about having Ramona over in a couple days so she can see his place and meet Wallace. But as explained by Wallace for those of us just tuning in, he already met her last volume. You know during that time Stacey thought she could magically make her date not be attracted to someone else.. and yes even almost a month later not letting that one go. Stacey should know better. Not saying i’ts right Wallace keeps poaching her boyfriends, but she still shoudlnt’ try and force a relationship with a guy or even finish a date with one who makes out with someone else, regardless of gender, mid date. She deserves better. In general not just in this one scenario but we’ll get to that. 

Point is while Scott, as usual, is a bit pissy about this Wallace.. has no time for that and issues an ultimatium

And he’s not bluffing, as he fully intends to tell Ramona the minute she walks in the door if he dosen’t break up with Knives. It really shows Wallace off at his best and why he’s Scott’s closest friend: Kim and Stephen do care about him but Kim both has a LOT of unresolved issues and sexual tension with him and keeps eveyrbody including Scott at arm’s length. And Stephen.. while he will OCASIONALLY call Scott out mostly just enables him, either ignoring his college buddy’s shittier behavior or playing along with it and backing him up when Kim rightfully calls him on being a dickhead. While both love their friend they just aren’t the best at dealing with his shit or getting why he does the things he does good and bad.  Wallace on the other hand geninely likes Scott. He’ll lock him out of the house and tell him to sleep elsewhere so he can bang one out, he’ll not wear pants if he dosen’t have to and he’ll certainly hit on Scott just to get a rise out of him, phrasing.. but he also genuinely cares for the guy’s well being. He lets him sleep in their house basically rent free since scott has no money, buys most of their stuff, and is, as we’ll see in this one, the ONLY one of his friends to take an active part in the fight against the exes, training Scott and researching his opponents when he can get info. He won’t baby Scott as seen here, but he will help him, and he will be the harsh voice of reason his friend needs.  And he did TRY doing a softer approach last time, simply telling scott to break up with his fake high school girlfriend. Scott had every chance to dump Knives during the last third of the first book.. it’s just a combination of both Knives and Ramona being in the same place and Scott getting panicky meant he balked. He NEEDS to be pushed into leaving Knives or he’s not gonna. And he also gets it’s not just Scott being a shifty coward: Scott DOES like Knives.. he just found someone who actually challenges him, intrests him and connects with him on his level, versus someone who worships and adores him like a puppy who just happens to be skilled with knives. The relationship with Knives. was an ego boost, an unequal paring that gave Scott the illusion of moving on from Envy. Ramona is him ACTUALLY moving on and given how badly Envy fucked him up, which comes into play in this book and the next, Wallace recognizes that Scott does need her... but this relationship can’t go anywhere if Scott is seeing someone else, and they both know it. Wallace is just the one who’s willing to do something about it to force scott to do something about it. He’s doing this for Knives too: it’s very clear he cares about the girl, was against this from the start, and knew this was going to end in pain and the faster Scott rips off the Band-Aid the faster she can move on to someone closer to her age and far more equal to her. Scott.. takes this about how you’d expect, even calling Double Standard, as Wallace does sleep around.. and while Wallace will be a homewrecker to Stacey.. otherwise it’s not remotley the same. Wallace does his sleeping around either casually or when he does get a partner, with their consent from what we can tell. He never cheats or anything, he just likes to bone. So yeah Scott doesn’t have a leg to stand on and acts accordingly. 

One of my faviorite gags in the series and one that’s etched in my head for keeps. So with a justified Ultimatium over his head Scott calls knives to hang out. Knives.. shows off that as adorable and trusting as she is.. she’s also kind of creepy and shows up just outside the phone booth he’s calling her from.  So the two go to a record store and Knives tries to get Scott into Clash at the Demonhead, her faviorite band. But since i’ts you know, headlined by Scott’s ex as we’ll find out, he’s not into it. But before that can get awkward.. it gets awkward in another way as Knives invites Scott to dinner at her parents place. Which is an objectively bad idea even before you get into the fact Scott wants a way out and as Volume 4 will show us her dad is both not happy with the idea of her dating a white guy and willing to use a katana to prevent it so he dodged a bullet there. Scott TRIES weasling out of it, but his “I’m too old for you” thing falsls on deaf ears.. and actually explains why she thinks this is normal: her parents are 9 years apart. of course obviously two consenting adults with a decade between them is a mite bit diffrent than 5 years between a teenager whose taking this way too seriously and a grown man whose taking this not seroiusly at all and dosen’t get how effed up this is. But Knives is too naive to get that, and papers over any possible concerns about her parents not wanting her to date a white guy with i’m in love.  Seeing that he has no EASY way out of this, as he shouldn’t, Scott just rips off the band aid and bluntly breaks up with her, saying it’s not going to work out. Knives.. is clealry devistatd. To her this was a serious relationship.. and Scott realized that too late.. and thankfully while he didn’t break up with her in the best way, at all, simply syaing i’ts not going to work out and confirming to her he means it, it’s clear from his face this hurts to do and he knows he’s REALLY hurting her and REALLY shoudlnt’ of dated her to begin with. IT’s why Scott dating a teenager dosen’t make him a morally rephrenisvie monster: because he was genuinely intrested, didn’t use her sexually, and there are tangible consequences for his actions. Knives just dosen’t disappear neatly into the sunset so he can be with ramona. The rest of the series covers her emotoinal recovery from being with Scott, and how she very horribly handles it and that’s why this plotline works at all: she’s not some act one contrivance to be thrown away, sh’es a human being, and more than that a young woman who got hurt REALLY bad and got way too in over her head with someone who just..wasn’t the one fo rher no matter how much she can’t admit that. 

We also get one of my faviorite sets of pages as Scott relfects on things and the sheer devistation on Knives face, which credit to a series that even at this early point loves it’s big bold facial expressions.. her’s being more subded just makes it sting MORE. 

This bit to me is vital to keeping Scott sympathetic and to his character. We see he really does regret what happened, dosen’t know how to process it and genuinely feels awful. As I said instead of some exgerated face that would still hurt him.. her face is quiet, clearly unable to process this and clealry lost and hurt.. and that hurts more than any fuck your or sobs he was probably expecting. Just her clearly not getting WHY he’s doing this or why he hurt her, and he KNOWS why he just knows telling her the truth would hurt her even more. But.. as he thinks.. his thoughts move to something else.. and the WHY of why he did this. 

He did it for Ramona. Wallace was as harsh as he was right: he needed a clean slate to actually give this relationship a shot and the smile comes off less as him being a calous dick whose just happy to move on, I mean he is a little, but more jus tsomeone READY to finally move on. He found the right person, he let the wrong one go if clumsily.. he has a future to look forward to and he can smile about that. 

Granted he’s still his usual unteitonally callous self and his way of telling his friends he and knives broke up is to casually say so and say “dont’ worry you’ll meet my new girlfriend soon.” Their reaction.. is my own. 

Look just because Scott is a nuanced douchebag dosne’t stop him from being a Douchebag. It just means he isn’t intolerable to watch and you actually care about him growing as a human being is all. 

So with that out of the way, it’s date night and Ramona is coming over.. also Scott is considering calling her Ramy which no. I'm genuinely in favor of a pet name that’s just a variant on someone’s name but a bit cute, as it’s just the right level of obnoxious, but no, just no Scott. No.  Ramona enters, meets Wallace again and sits down while Scott tries to shoo him out.. because turnabout is fair play bitch. They also see Ramona’s new hair as she dyes it something new for the first time, in this case a very lovely two tone, the purple from last volume but with a darker purple bellow it. I honestly wish she went for multiple colors in her hair again, but likely didn’t since the book was originally in black and white... which still dosent’ make sense as it would’ve been EASIER that way. Regardless Wallace makes himself scarce proving that he’s more than willing to be equal in terms of one of them spending the ngiht elsewhere. What a guy. 

Ramona finds out a few things about Scott: That his apartment is VERY small, just one room with a bed, a cabinet, a small kitchen and a bathroom, which despite what scott says I REALLY dont’ count as another room. Just common sense. She also learns that he can COOK. Yeah while you’d expect Scott to just get a wad of “I did the ultimatum thing okay now gimme” money and buy dinner but no.. he made the whole thing himself from his own recipe.  And once we cut to them eating on the floor.. turns out yeah he not only can cook but is REALLY good at it. She wishes there was a table which, small as the place is.. fair point. I mean at least get some tv trays. You have chairs. Or at least the easy chair. You can get nice padded folding chairs so you have a second chair guys. I know your poor but come on. Also Scott leanrs bread makes you fat. Good stuff. Also Scott freaks out when , while making out with Ramona in bed later, she mentions his hair’s getting kinda long and could use a cut... which turns out to be a thing for him. He isn’t an ass about it he just panics a bit because he’s partially convinced his last relationship’s nightmarish breakup was because of a bad haircut he got. As we’ll see next week, that’s a no but as someone whose a touch neroutic myself I get blaming a larger issue on something trivial. 

So we then get to the next chapter where it’s KIM’S turn to have a dream.. and the only time we see someone else's dreams. Honestly.. I really would’ve liked if it was a recurring device, even have Ramona pop into other people’s Not used ALL the time but I could easily see it being used with Knives to convey her obsession with Scott and her pain or kim again to help move her plots along or Wallace because I want to know what’s going on in his head. It must be a maze of male gentalia and fine liquor the likes of which has never been seen. It’s scotts funeral as Simon killed him and Scott’s corpse wonders if she dreams about this a lot. 

So we see her get ready and wake up her roomate Sarah whose a bitch. And as we’ll see in one of the backups, so’s the rest of her roommates. So drifting into work. Hollie is a character I really liked... the past tense will be explained later. And the first scene is probably why as her and Kim banter effortlessly, with Kim suggesting maybe she was a happy kid... only to admit quickly no she wasn’t, she was pretty withdrawn and then pretty angsty over someasshole who will be named Scott. “Your a holy terror kim, and i’m glad your on your side”> It’s a short scene but the kind this series excells at: just realistic, fun little exchanges bursting with character. I also GENUINELY wish we got more of this kind of thing, as only Knives really gets these kind of scenes to herself for the most part. There ARE scenes without Scott, but not enough like this that just give us as look into what his friends lives are like during the moments they aren’t putting up with his dumbassery or watching him engage in mortal combat. It’s why i’ve been hoping a spinoff will happen even though it likely won’t SOON. I’m sure O’Malley will return to this world some day, but between Snotgirl and Wicked World, which will come out when it’s ready but should be good.. he’s just really busy. But i’d love to see more of Kim.. or Wallace or Knives. The latter two are a no brainer: Knives is the tritagonist of the books, and it’d be intresting to see what she’d be like 5 years at the book, at the same age and stage in life as Scott. And with Wallace it’s because we really DON’T see his friend circle, life or what goes on with him. We hear him talk about a new boyfriend, who we don’t meet until near the end of the series, though you can see him in stage 3 of hte game if your curious, we see him with some random friends in volume 4, but we really don’t KNOW what hyjinks and lojinks wallace gets up to. He’s pretty isoalted from the rest of the main cast, something I hope an adaptation could fix as while realistic i’td be curious to see what his relationship with Kim or Steven would be like. Just food for thought. 

Point is this was a good scene. But as is typical for Kim’s life just when she has some serenity her ex crashes back in. In this case Scott needs to rent some movies, kim works at a rental store and god teenage me really wanted a clerks style spinoff.. but enough spinoff talk. Scott asks kim to bororw them, of course and explains he’s training for his fight with Lucas.. which Kim reacts to finding out her second best friend is in a series of death matches. 

She has understandable questions such as how the hell doe she know that and is he stalking Lucas and just hoping he’s an ex.. which let’s face it would be a very scott move. But nope Wallace told him, likely learning in an interview he dated Ramona or is coming for scott because he knows everything. We also get one of my faviorite exchanges when Kim wonders why Wallace and Scott are roomates.. a valid question he deflects by saying i’ts a long story. 

Also yeah, as much as casting Micheal Cera backfired for the movie.. that panel there proves there wasn’t another choice at the time. When you want a loveable, somewhat douchey, but also somewhat innocent and oblivious slacker.. who you gonna call. Also before we move on.. Kim.. how are you this suprised. You were there for the fight with Matthew. And Ramona giving out the exposition on why he’s there.. and you even did that whole weird space channel 5 thing no one ever did agian and to this day I will never understand what O’Malley was going for and only know the refrence by hearing that’s what it was. Point is you shouldn’t be this suprised.  Anyways we next cut to Ramona and Stacey, as Ramona enters her workplace, second cup, and they talk and Scott’s spider sense goes off... 

I mean it’s just a bad feeling but still.. weird. WE’ll get back to that later. Scott is in the middle of his training.. and I love the mentor side of Wallace and feel it didn’t get used enough as the series went on. As said before he cares about Scott, so he serves as his Shounen Mentor and a great one: he’s stern and makes Scott work, but he also gets his student and what Scott needs to work. I just wish he’d taught Scott some actual combat, but as we see Wallace’s combat skills boil down to yelling useless info from the sidelines.. I mean he can be useful, we’ll see that next week, it’s just he’s not an action guy. But spirtually he’s the guy scott needs to kick his ass into shape. That being said his “training” consists of watching Lucas’ movies, playing tony hawk and when Scott wants to play more Tony Hawk, having Scott do pushups while Wallace plays Tony Hawk.  Before we turn... there is an elephant in the room I just gotta shoo out: Lucas.. is easily the worst setup of the 6 exes. Patel SEEMINGLY comes out of nowhere but his letter and email hint SOMETHING is coming up, and his flashy dynamic entry intro is damn cool and is what turns the series on it’s head, from an indie comic about a guy getting it together.. to that but with huge shonen dustups with epic visuals. Todd is introduced masterfully here, and is a presence from the start of volume 3 as a result, Roxie gets a slight tease in the free comic book day issue, and her not attacking for two months not only sets up tension but allowed for a red herring.. im’ not only hiding that the fourth ex is a she because anyone whose seen the movie or played the game knows the fourth ex is a woman. The cat’s out of the bag, no sense hiding it. The Kentangis show up pretty early on and Gideon is hinted at and built up, as this towering, mysterious figure, his relationship with Ramona, who he is, why he set up the league, and just how fucking strong he is is all obscured, with his only four apperances simply teasing the big final showdown and giving him that much more mysitque. 

Lucas.. is just sorta intorduced like “Hey I gotta fight this guy”. There’s just.. nothing. Scott’s just gotta fight him because he’s next up and Wallace knows that because plot convience. It’s VERY lackluster given what comes before.. and frankly while I like Lucas, he’s the weakest plot and character wise. HE’s not even really EVIL, just a sellout and is more doing this because he has to I guess, and likely because of stuff we find out in Book 6 but sssssshhhhh. We’ll get more into that when the fight happens but it’s one of the books weakest points. The evil ex.. just feels like an afterthrought again despite there being no reason to. Thankfully this would never happen again as I said, but it dosen’t make this any less frustrating. 

So we cut to Sex Bomb-Omb practice, and after that we get more tease for Clash at Demonhead. And Stephen.. is cool with them and entirely happy one of them made it, while Scott is understandably pisssed off about it and not happy one of his best friends is you know, promoting the band of his ex who broke his heart and as we’ll get more into next time, said rising career is what tore them apart. So yeah Stephen’s a dickhead, and I was wrong last time that he got better. He really.. dosen’t. He gets less CREEPY.. but out of the main 6 characters he’s the weakest: he dosen’t have much of an arc, does some very questionable shit in the second half, and his being around means we have to suffer through Julie. I’ll tear into him more on a case by case basis but for once Scott’s not overreacting. While Kim does nothing she also has no idea just HOW bad things were and Scott won’t tell her. Stephen was there the whole fucking time. He just saw Scott’s rebound with a teenager. He knows he was kind of messed up after this. Dosen’t justfiy knives but still he looses the moral high ground he tries to have at times. 

So while Scott shops a song for Ramona to her, Knives calls Scott’s place clearly setting up another suprise apperance. Wallace.. figures out what sh’es doing quick and simply gives her a stern “You have to go” And to me it’s not him being a dick.. he’s both trying to save her from seeing Scott with Ramona and fucking her up worse... and is looking out for her. She needs to move on and moving up to stalking Scott’s not going to help that. Scott dosen’t WANT her anymore, and while he handled it bad, Wallace gets she needs to see that. Granted he could’ve you know explained it to her and tried talking, but as i’ve said he’s not a perfect person and he was also on a time table to get her out of there in case Scott you know, showed up with his new girlfriend and made things a billion times worse. And the two are indeed headed to his place to watch one of Lucas’ movies, and part of that weak setup is that Ramona.. just has no connection with him. It was high school. Scott also pretends he dosent’ remember his. You are a lying liar sir stop that.  So they watch the film together hanging out, and it’s.. really bad. The good one was rented out. I miss rental stores.. a magical time. I mean i’ts better now, streaming means 80% of movies are avaliable if you have a bunch of services and even if you just have netflix or hulu or hbo max, you still get a pretty decent selection each month. Plus digital rentals are super easy. Do miss redbox though. I mean it’s still there I’m just warry of something that relies so heavily on touching things in a state with a lot of trump morons. You CAN get Covid twice and I don’t wanna. Also we get some dated Dialouge as Scott commenting on Lucas being hot, he is good taste Scott, is given a “good job convincing me your not gay”. He and ramona end up having sex though so .. yay? I dunno. The series has a really weird thing about not getting bisexuals exist and as someone whose bi, and really against bi errasure it bothers me, it bothers me a lot. Though given O’Malley apparently has not only far more queer rep in snotgirl but a bisexual lead, he’s clearly learned so i’m not going to drag him too hard on this. It was the early 2000′s. People were pretty damn stupid about this. Creators have gottten MUCH more important issues much worse. 

So the next morning, Scott gets a call from his well meaning but ditzy mom, and reacts like you’d expect. His parents are in Europe to keep them out of the action and what not. Though apparently according to the last book his mom did read volume 3 at least. Or Wallace told her about the relevant bit. You make the call. 

So i’ts Ramona’s turn to meet Sex Bomb-Omb. The group hang out and discuss Gordon Downie. 

Look I don’t know indie bands. I have no idea who the tragically hip are I just know the name is really hipstery. We also get the recipe for Vegan Shepards Pie. None of them are vegan they just wanted to try it and I.. really want to make this some time. Just to see if it’s any good. But yeah it’s in general a fun casual scene, as Kim reveals she and Scott dated, just to break the tension, and Scott tries out Rammy but quickly backpedals. Just fun slice of life stuff. Oh and Knives is watching them from the window and takes Scott dating someone else as well as you’d expect. 

So she gets some hair bleach to do some highlights and calls her friend Tamara over. We met her last volume as she dragged her along to the show, but it’s here we really get to know what she’s like.. i.e. the sane one in the duo, rightfully pointing out Scott’s not that great. Also Knive’s points out ramona’s “fat”, which is thankfully portrayed as petty sniping as while Ramona does have some curves it’s you know.. not remotely a bad thing and the kind of thing a teenage girl would harp on. Still she’s just in STEPS from this happening. 

But yeah.. it’s clear here Knives has some underlying issues to address and really needs therapy  not to go after her ex’s current girlfriend with knives. I mean it’s in the name but still. Then again volume 4 has her dad going around with a katana or something like it wanting to murder her daughter’s older ex boyfriend he dosen’t realize is ex so it’s clear her whole FAMILY needs some therapy. But this does round her out and show there’s more to her.. a pretty violent and obessive side sure, but it shows she wasn’t just some one dimensional ego boost for scott but a person. One whose just as flawed as the rest of the cast.. but more sympatheic because they’ve all got about 6 or 7 years on her and at this age that’s a lifetime. And while Scott DID set this off by dating her which was objecitvely a bad idea... the rest of this isn’t remotely on him. He handled things BAD.... but all he wanted was for both of them to move on. Knives.. simply can’t admit Scott is not a nice person, was probably two timing her as Tamara points out, which as we know he 100% was, and is not some perfect guy she can’t replace: like Knives.. he’s just a person with faults and she’s too blind to see that. 

So before we can get to the crazy stalker ninja fight, let’s instead get to Scott and Ramona hanging out where we meet Gideon, Ramona’s Cat who i’ll call Cat Gideon, both because I love steven unvierse and because it’s less confusing. This is a pretty slight scene as Ramona admits not a lot happened with Lucas and Scott’s apartment is a hole.. which yeah, yeah it is. Also she DEFINTLY dind’t cheat on him with any cocky pretty boys. Which would come off worse if it wasn’t for the pact Ramona was clearly doing it out of regret and Scott just liked like 50 pages ago about rembering his exes when one of them is his second best friend.. which neither would admit but you know it’s true. Stephen is third where he belongs. 

So next morning it’s fight time, and Scott is glad wallace is going with him. It’s awkard going to fights alone. Which leaves me to wonder if before this comic Scott just.. fought random guys letterkenny style. Like they’d call up, schedule it and then he and one or more of his friends would go beat up a guy. It’s just.. hilarious knowing that this kind of thing is common in canda minus the ki attacks , flash effects, wizards, vegan psycics, ninjas, and roboticists. But damn I now want a scott pilgrimized letterkenny now more than ever. You know you do too don’t deny it. I”d love to see the hard right jay fight but iwth a loud “KO!” when he gets his ass knocked out. Also Casa Loma is a very real, very cool Toronto location, as I never realized as a kid, to the point that the lucas fight was filmed there for the movie. 

So Scott approaches Lucas a bit star struck and upon finding out scott is.. punches him out as seen in the header image and throws him into a tower. When Scott regains conciousness, Kim and Neil have arrived and Lucas calls a time out. And it’s here we get to, while being the weakest of the 7, why I like Lucas.. he’s actually a pretty nice guy. At WORST he sold out. But the two have a pretty nice conversation over ritz and baby carrots, with it turning out, unsuprisingly Ramona did cheat on him with a cocky pretty boy, and while like Ramona he’s clearly moved on, it still hurts a bit and understandably so. He also warns scott while she might seem nice i’ts an act. 

I mean it isn’t ALL an act, but she does have a tedency to put up walls and act pretty badly as we’re slowly finding out.. though given Scott does the exact same it only means.. she’s human. She’s not MUCH higher above him in terms of morality and this is where we get our first peaks into the fact the series isn’t just about Scott’s development but hers. But it’s understandably absent from volumes 1 and 2 since we need to know her first, and this volume is about getting to know her a bit and get a feel for who she is, something I ddin’t really get a grip on as a teen, but do now. We see more of who she is good and bad as the walls go down. She’s more SURFACE LEVEL functional than scott, but beneath it has a lot of the same exact issues.  Lucas and Scott continue to GENUINELY bond, as Scott genuinely thinks the guy is talented and Lucas want’s an Oscar this year.. maybe not for the current film which is a romantic comedy with a teen star but hey, stars have done far worse in their Oscar years. I mean at least he’s not making a comedy about himself in a fat suit domestically abusing himself in a wig while he also plays an asian sterotype. He explains he almost didn’t get into the league but felt too important to ramona’s past.. plus he looks cool. Plus they let Patel in despite barely being in a relationship with her and being kind of a tool so they kinda had to let the handsome affiable movie star in. Scott wonders “wait league” and Lucas is understandably frustrated to find out Patel just sent a letter Scott didn’t read.. and at Matthew let’s be clear. I mean.. Gideon has to have known Scott wouldn’t read that since he’s been in his head. We’ll get to that in part 6. Point is they formed a league, hence why their organized enough to come after him like this and Scott understandably glares at Wallace for you know, having him play tony hawk and watch movies yet missing the fucking obvious clue they were all working together and they were only coming at him one at a time by choice. 

Lucas offers to just.. take a bribe and SAY Scott beat him, Scott calls him a sellout jokingly and Lucas proves that while not AS bad as the rest of the League, he’s still a dick by telling him to kiss ramona’s sweet ass goodbye pilgrim. Okay either he’s seen her since high school or he’s fondly remembering a high schooler’s ass. Neither one is nice to think about. But Scott gets out of his ass beating by pointing out a ramp, real thing too used for the movie, and asking him to skate down it. Lucas says i’ts impossible, and Scott just whistles. So Lucas tries skating the impossible and dies via velocity. Yes really. Scott collects his change and gets a gift, a mytryil skateboard he.. can’t use because he dosen’t have a proficency for it and bemoans not picking it up in 5th grade. Also he didn’t get his autograph. He does get some coins though so neat.   Yeah I mentioend Lucas was the least of the exes and I stand by it: He’s an intresting character, not a GREAT person but clearly a charming and nice enough guy who likely offered the bribe not because he’sd a sell out but because he genuinely liked scott, and is easily the best adjusted of the exes. But obviously a near non existant setup and a really hilarious and unsastifying finish just.. don’t really feel sastsifying. I mean i’t slampshaded, but after all the build up of her having 7 evil exes, the next one is just..filler. Not BAD, but not really anything special and giving Scott a an early pokemon victory, but unlike ash having done nothing to really DESERVE it.  Thankfully both adaptations so far VASTLY improved on this. While Lucas is still affiable in the movie he’s also smarmy, if on better terms with Ramona, saying “he seems nice” after the tower throw and throwing in some stunt doubles. His fight goes from one of the least satisfying and weakst of the series, to easily one of the best of the movie. We’ll talk about that more there but obvious Chris Evans version is far superior, keeping the good traits while giving us an intresting fight.. and still keeping the skateboard death because it’s fucking hilarious and the movie improves on THAT too by having scott give flat wows as he slowly dies. The game likewise keeps teh skateboard death, if shortening it, and the skateboard, and while not changing his apperance does make him a hell of a tough boss. Took three tries and some online grinding to take him out. Still a hell of a fight. Point is while I genuinely like Lucas story wise.. this just dosen’t work for me and is pretty damn weak, even if it gives us some godo character insight we could’ve got that, and a fight and still had the finish we did. 

That being said.. we DO get a fight instead, likely why the Lucas fight was so truncated. Next chapter and that evening or the next day or whatever, we pan over the real life tornto refrence library. It is a VERY nice touch thatt the comic and it’s adpations use either real places in toronto or reasonable subsittues. While not canadian myself I love the place and hope to visit Tornoto some day when the world isn’t a living nightmare and it’s really nice that like New York for Marvel, Brian Lee O malley really makes the city feel integral to the comic, like it’s own character. But Knives is ominously perched above.  At second cup Scott is horrified to find Julie. Seconded. Julie takes the moment to give out to scott about him dating Ramona despite telling him no. Okay... 

Yeah as you can probably guess I don’t like Julie. She’s not a good character. The movie did her better, with the bleeping gag and aubrey plaza’s performance, but in the comic.. she’s just the worst. She sucks bad. If she were an ice cream flavor she’d be pralines and dick. While she’s fine on OCCASION, and actually works in the next volume, outside of that she just gets more unplesant, more unlikeable, more bitchy, more unfathomabbly assholish every. damn. volume. I”ll give out about that a bit then too but I have to put up with her for the entire damn comic. Now her being bitchy to Scott is fair to a point: Scott is a mess, and she’s loyal to Envy in the breakup, and Scott’s own friends drag him on a daily basis.  The problems are that she’s like that to EVERYONE, even Knives who isn’t about to stab her much as i’d like that. She’s unberable to Stephen whose tolerance for her is unfathomable, though the ending bits of volume 6 show maybe he just has terrble taste. She’s just a throughly unplesant, social climbing bitch who thinks she’s better than everyone. And it sticks out badly against the main cast; Scott is very bad with women and relating to people, but is also nice, charming and most of the damage he does is not intetional. Ramona puts up walls to keep others out but is also a responsible adult and often cuts through Scott, and at times others, internal bullshit. Wallace is an alcholic, but still a very responsible, very loveable guy who clearly cares about scott and supports him finacially and emotionally. Kim is VERY emotionally distant, very misntrhopic.. but also a good person who as we see as the series goes, has an inner light to her and often drags on Scott because she’s been putting up with his shit the longest and WANTS him to be better. Knives is an obessive and violent stalker.. who was also deeply hurt by an older man, dosen’t GET that her realtionship with scott was wrong and uneven, and is clearly not emtoinallyr eady for the deep feelings she’s having. And Stephen.. well he’s a talented guitarist but also enables scott and julie. Especially him enabling Julie. 

Point is their all pretty well rounded, llikeable characters with flaws. Julie.. is just an ass. And this scene demonstrates that with flying colors. While Scott does ignore her because he’s too worried about his sister and girlfriend becoming friends, understandably given Stacey knows all his dark secrets, Julie spends two pages giving out and treating scott like some bad guy for persuing Ramona against her orders. And i’m going to break down why.. this dosen’t work.. on any level for her.  1) Ramona is not Julie’s property. She’s a big girl with her own free will. They aren’t even remotely close: Julie met her only barely before Scott, and given the dream thing probably not even that. And you could say Julie is just looking out for her... she dosen’t know Ramona well enough to KNOW if Ramona is still smarting over Gideon. She probably was.. but she readily, once the awkwardness passed, went out with scott and dove right into the relationship. While there’s still some scars as we’ll see.. she CHOOSE to move on and that’s her choice. If she wasn’t ready, she woudl’ve turned him down or broke it off by now realizing it was a mistake.  2) Scott has no reason to listen to her. She hates his ass, somewhat justifably but still, she hates him and has been against him since fucking colllege. She took his exes side in the breakup despite Envy still being partly in the wrong but paints him as some abusive dickhead and not just an insesntive dickhead. To him he’s just some villian she needs to reign in for her cool friend who wants nothing to do with her and grows to justifably hate her over time. Scott and Julie TOLERATE each other. They are not friend,s they do not like each other and never will. They are around each other because of Stephen. That is it. If Kim , Wallace or Stephen had asked, or at least made him wait for kinves. he probablyw ould’ve or at least considered it since while they take the piss out of him, they genuinely care about him and actually have shown they care about something other than themselves! Speaking of which the cou de gras 3) She’s a selifsh bitch: She is NEVER not  in any volume seen as out for anyone but herself, and thus scott has no reason to trust her judgement. She berates Stephen, him and anyone who will listen, is only so loyal to envy because she’s famous, and as I said treats EVERYONE like dogshit.  And given Scott is still a very flawed guy.. it takes a LOT for him to be so right and he runs out screaming when Julie mentions her.

So back at the library, Ramona brought Stacey along because the place is a maze. Scott calls Stephen and calls julie evil.. which given the last two paragrahs. Yeah. She is. She really is. But that goes nowhere as he dosen’t have Stacey’s number. He also thinks Julie was responsible for this which while she’s very much not.. would it REALLY be that suprising that if Julie were there she would’ve introdcued the two and set up their little hangout just to piss scott off? God I’m  so sick of talking about her. 

So the two after dropping off Ramona’s package decide to hang out a bit.. not long as Ramona’s got shit to do, but hey I agree with her logic i’m curious about this palce too. But before they can go up an elevator Ramona spots incoming.. and thus we get the fight of the volume. Though given the next one has two climatctic fights and one or two before that, they easily could’ve had both.. this is still the highlight of the volume.  So Ramona snaps off a railing and before Stacey can give out about that she finds out WHY as Knives attacks with a pair of sais. And O’Malley did his homework as while you’d THINK it was just another dumb white person mistake.. O’Malley is asian, thoughw ether he’s candaian korean or canadian chineses, as his last name is korean but he has a large chinese cast in this very comic that might come from experince, I do not know and if you do know tell me. I’d like to refer to him properly as I don’t LIKE lumping all asian cultures into one basket. But not only that he did his home work, as Sai’s, while popularized in Okinawa Japan, were also used in other countries. I bring this up since I assumed it was just a simple mistake even knowing Brian was mixed-race, and was plesantly suprised to fine that know, I was the moron. And i’m fine with admitting that. 

So we get a damn good fight.. and Knives figures out Scott WAS cheating on her. Granted she assumes so due to seeing Ramona at the refrence Library, before he actually cheated and clearly blames Ramona for it, but still, it fucking hurts. Plus while her attacking Ramona, who initally assumes she’s gideon’s doing, which.. yeah sending a teenage assasian just to mess with her head does sound like him. So while Stacey does complain “ramona you can’t just tear out art objects” to which I say... yeah high, Stacey? NOT THE POINT RIGHT NOW SCOTT’S EX IS TRYING TO KILL HER. SHE’S DEFENDING HERSELF.  So we get one hell of a fight. It not only shows off that Ramona is one hell of a fighter herself, as is knives, but just how immature knives is, resorting to constnat fat jokes and taunts showing just how immature she is.. and unlike volume one where it was endearing and we just saw how sweet she was here it just comes off as mean, bitter, and uncomfortable. But again part of the series biggest charm is the main cast are all well fleshed out and throughly human. She’s doint this because she dosen’t know better and was raised in a house where, again as volume 4 will bear out, finding out her dad is going after scott with a samurai sword just warrants a “dad’s are so weird aren’t they” my point is her frame of refrence is a mite skewed. Plus this is a world where everyone but Stacey just calmly accepts big shonen fights break out, so it’s not that unsuaul to want to settle things with a fight and while i’ve joked about her killing Ramona we genuinely don’t know that was the goal> Could’ve been, easily given murder is peachy in this setting and just leads to a respawn according to O’Malley and would’ve just sent ramona back to her apartment. But I genuinely don’t think she has it in her to do it and while she could’ve planend to, she never would’ve. Plus Ramona easily leads the fight as while Knives uses hit and run tactics and tries make her follow.. Ramona is more annoyed than anything as she has shit to do. Knives only gets one hit in and while i’ts a pretty nasty scratch on the cheek, if thankfully not scarring.. Ramona shrugs it off when she brags about it and easily takes knives down with a potted tree. Knives runs and while she tells herself it’s to fight another day.. its really because her opponent was WAY stronger and way more ready for something like this than she probably planned on. She did defintely want a fight, she just wasn’t prepared to be outmatched so handily. It’s also a nice  parallel to last book’s fight: Like with Scott and Matthew,  while the fight SEEMS pretty even, in reality our hero/heroine was alwasy teh one in control and easily took care of the less experinced and less ready upstart, who likely wasn’t expecting a fair fight much less to loose. 

So Ramona and Stacey wisely get out while Stacey explains Knives is indeed Scott’s ex, though is unaware of the cheating thing. Speaking of Scott he’s playing sonic and knuckles, and in fact kept wallace on the line before just to get advice because of course he did hence why stacey didn’t get through to him, but gets a call... from Envy. 

This is easily the second best sequence in the boook, which was lovingly and wonderfully adapted to film and as a result I cannot read it without hearing Brie Larson’s voice for Envy , a nice mixture of seduction and condescension. It’s CLEARLY painful fo rhim, and we do get some things established as Envy toys with him, that it’s been about a year and that she left him for a cocky pretty boy, familiar.. and while Scott claims to not know what he looks like.. given Todd is clearly on her band cover... it’s not exactly hard to put two and two together. So after some awkard catchup and Scott telling her about ramona against his will, we get to the reason she’s here with Scott understanndbly being supscious and calling her a user.. which while Envy denys.. she ends up admitting to. She’s coming to town as estalbished and her opening act backed out, and since Scott has a band, and one that 2/3 of which she knows, she wants them to open for her.  Scott naturally isn’t too intrested and thinks it’s just pity. The sequence. is masterful, using a watchmen style 9 by 9 panel layout and intercutting scott’s pained reactions and clear lack of comfort with flashes of envy on her side.. never showing her proper, but showing his memories or what he’s seen in magazines. It’s really striking and really sells the sheer discomfort Scott’s going through.  So soon after Wallace gets home.. and finds Scott, drained and miserable on the floor, not even responsive. And this really is the scene that shows me that Wallace cares for the guy and cements that asshole he may be, he loves his buddy. He goes through possible scenarios that fit scott: Food poisoning, finding out Wallace saved over his final fantasy save (though he rules it out as last time that happened he was crying), that ramona dumped him.. before Scott let’s out a pathetic and miserable “Ennnnnvvv”. Wallace , who was at ground zero for that relationship as we’ll find out, realizes this and lets out a little shit, unsure how to help and pissed off at that bitch for once again hurting him like this. As I said it shows how Wallace knows scott in and out and loves him dearly.. and how he knwos about this paticuarly heartbreak better than anyone but Scott and Envy themselves. IT’s just a really tearjerking scene, as we get a sense of WHY scott spiraled into an ego boost of a relationship: His last one REALLY tore him in half, and he’s still not completely healed from the emtional bisection. 

So Scott gets more bad news next chapter as Stacey tells him about the fight and he’s worried he’s going to loose ramona on top of this. I mean he desrves it.. .but it’s clear she’s the best thing to happen to him after a really rough year of denial and poor decisionss and loosing her will likely only make him WORSE. He also breaks the bad news, to him at least to the band about the gig. Stephen, being kind of a dick who while understandbly excited about a big gig fails to see his friend REALLY isn’t happy about this nor remembers you know, that the person offering this tore his heart out indiana jones style and while they should take the gig despite the risks, it’s too big an opportunity not to, he should be fucking senstive about this. Kim however... has a suprising and heartbreaking reactoin to this. Which is spread over a few panels but i’m gonna string into one image for convince sake. 

Just.. DAMN. I honeslty missed this both as a teenager and as an adult when I read through the books last time but holy shit is this a heartbreaking little moment, even more with the development she gets in later books. Keep in mind, over two books so far, Kim.. really hasn’t shown a lot of emtion. The most upset she’s gotten was getting a bit pissed about another a girl drummer. The only other time we’ve seen her sad was at 17 when Scott left. Her only emotions that we could see were angry and surly. But here? She’s genuinely upset and we see her walls break down for the very first time.. and it’s with the clear indication she NEVER really got over Scott. She never got proper closure and while she hasn’t let it so.. it’s been VERY clear she's been grossly uncomfortable with how he just likes to brush off their history, something that very clearly still bothers her and understandably so: 6 years , while a lot of time, still really isn’t long enough to just .. FORGET your first boyfriend , how he made you feel or the fact he took your virginity and you took his. Stuff like that sticks with you.. I’m ony assuming on the virginity thing but my point remains: To Scott it’s SEEMINGLY nothing, when really he’s probably just trying to brush it off because he dosen’t like dealing with things and given how Kim is wrongly assumed she can’t feel pain. I mean to anyone else i’d be a fair assumption and even i’m not convinced if she touched a hot stove she’d burn, but that’s phsysical this is emotional. DIffrent playing fields. Point is Scott’s kind of a dick and not having ANY closure for anything, Kim is still smarting from him leaving as much as Scott is smarting from Envy dumping him.  And it somehow gets MORE painful.... which should’ve been the tagline for Bojack Horseman now I think about it but yeah: her line is what cuts me up the most “I saw her on the cover of Now. She’s pretty”. It’s a little line, it’s easy to see why I missed it .. but the subtext really stings. It’s that despite being VERY pretty, I had a crush on her as a kid and I still do now.. Kim just can’t help but compare herself to someone whose now a glamrous rock star.  Their equally attractive but all Kim can see is ANOTHER person who Scott cared about more than her. Which seems petty but again he just.. abnadoned her. His moving wasn’t his choice but his not telling her as was framed earlier sure as hell was. And then just.. look at the next people he dates: A glamorous rock star (She wasn’t at the time but that’s for next week), a much younger girl who can’t possible challenge him, and an ultra cool american. To her.. it must feel like he just looks right through her to every other person intersted in him and never even consdered her as a person anymore. I mean.. jesus christ that hurts.. and makes me hate Stephen more since you know he dosen’t notice any of this.. though at least unlike with Scott it’s a bit more understandable because Kim’s so unflappable and he’s already ignoring very obvious and transparent emotional pain why shouldn’t this be any diffrent.  So yeah no one’s happy about this, and that ends up including Stephen as he’s so insecure about his band’s talent he’s pretty sure they suck when their probably at least adaquate. 

So while Scott dosen’t say anything, it’s clear he’s at least consdiering the offer as when we next see him he and ramona are heading to Envy’s show. And honestly it’s just a really sweet scene as Ramona asks about envy and the two banter and hold hands. A really nice palletee clensar since hte last few pages were like I was the one lucas socked in the gut. Also she assures him she dosen’t hate him, and asks about how the breakup happened, turning down any offers to hear the good times.  It was new years eve one year ago, and he mentions it was over her leaving to meet some guy named Todd.. and Ramona finds the story familiar but brushes off Scott wondering if her todd and Envy’s todd wer ethe same guy as a douchey joke. When prying about what happened otherwise, Scott admits it was all a blur.. Ramona isn’t ahppy with the answer.. but it’s nto like it’s that unresonable: he was in deep with Envy, and the breakup was damn bad to the point it took a year for him to recover and end up in the relationship he is now and the one before this was clearly a cry for help. It also helps reinfroce just how much Wallace was there for him and probably WHY Wallace hates Envy so much. They probably live together simply because Scott needed a place after college, was in zero condition to get a job or do anything given his zombie like state.. and Wallace just had him move into his bed, platonically and into his place. It’s probably why while Wallace will complain ocasoinally he isn’t that on scott to find a job. He dosen’t need a paying roomate, they do fine just on his sallary and he has a steady, secure job in some sort of calling office, probably working in medical stuff like my mom. He needs his friend to be safe and happy, then he can get on his ass about being functional, as he is in present day. If nothing else this volume made me realize just how good a person Wallace is.  The one thing he CAN remember, to Ramona’s disbelif is a restraunt opening up, the job story he hinted at last volume: basically it was a fancy tex mex place called, and this is one of the best restraunt naems in the history of fiction brace yourself: The Gilded Palace of Flying Burritos. Naturally, as would I as I love tex mex and that name, Scott loved the place, ate there most of the week and like me with some places I liked waited impatietly to get a job. He did and they were even super generous as the food was FREE.  Which is a euphoric feeling I relate to, though I also liked any discounts I got. seriously when I worked at Bagel and Bagel a good chunk of my paycheck was eating there for dirt cheap every shift. I miss that place so much. Like even after I left there I still like a good bagel sandwitch. And it wasn’t covid or anything it was just low staffed and slowly coming apart due to a lack of a solid manager after Crystal, the manager who hired me, transfered to a store closer to her home, which I do not blame her for. 

Point is I get it even if Ramona thinks this is all made up. Anyways at Lee’s Place, based on the real life Leo’s place, everyone’s gussied up: Steven got an awful haircut and Kim... 

But no time to dwell on how great kim’s..everything is.. who DID  Neil bring to the concert? 

While Kim is VERY much enjoying this, everyone else is a bit freaked with Ramona getting assurance her and Scott dated breifly, with Kim quipping her and neil will probably date even breiflyer, and Stephen.. freaking out, wondering if she seduced him, and asking if they should take him out back and kick his ass.. 

Just..... that’s a lot of douche to unpack and this review has been VERY long and suprisingly hard already.. but fuck it, we don’t have much left to go let’s do this. Okay one did she seduce him.. I mean I GUESS, but really let’s be clear here: Neil is a horny, lonely, monosolobic 19 year old who lives with his sister’s college friend and whose life revovles around said guys band. Knives is adorable. She likely barely had to flirt with him to get him to say yes .As someone who was a lonely 19 year old doofus, I guarantee no matter the red flags I probably woudl’ve said yes provided she was 18 instead of 17, despite the abudant red flags such as neil vaugely looking like scott, neil being the one single man within scott’s circle to get her way back in, as Knives hasn’t realized she’s bi yet or given how much she looked up to Kim, she probably WOULD’VE gone for it. As would any sane person, which neither knives nor I entirley are. So she didnt’ so much seduce him as offer him a girlfriend he didn’t have and him being too intrested in having a sweet, caring girl on his arm to see the giant army of adrestian soldiers needed to carry all the red flags this presents. 

And as for “do we need to kick his ass. “ Stephen.. did you kick SCOTT’S ass? No, you fucking abetted him and only stepped in for the good girl thing. You did NOTHING to stop his relationship with knives or tell him he was screwing up or look out for that girl’s well being. This will bite him in the ass even harder in volume 5, but even now it just makes him look REALLY fucking bad that, even if he probably dosen’t mean it, that’s at all on the table. Also.. Neil, unlike scott is doing slightly less wrong. While he is 20 to her 17, three years.. it’s HALF of what Scott and her’s age diffrence is, and far more equal in power structure. It’s still not.. GREAT, but my point is you did NOTHING when Scott did this, for far flimiser and less forgiavble reasons.. but when NEIL, whose been nothing but weirdly loyal to you dates her, you want to kick someone’s ass. I mean yes he’s being stupid: in a clear role reversal of the Scott and Knives situation, it’s obvious just from her expression that KNVIES is the one in control here, and the one using someone to ease her own pain. Granted it’s wrong, if not as wrong as Scott should techincally know better and Knives very clearly dosen’t, as well as get into a show of her faviorite band. Is what she’s doing wrong.. yeah... while she can’t see it again it’s what Scott did just not QUITE as fucked up due to not being AS embalanced. Should neil probably be dating her after scott did ? No. But should you be threatning him and not scott for you know, setting all this in motion? No. Jesus christ you suck Steven. 

Thankfully while Scott presumibly calms Stephen down, Kim spots Hollie and her roomate Joseph, who will be suprisingly important. He’s very gay, very quite, very bearded and is only hear because the bass player is hot and when prodded on it....

Well said. Also I read that with John Heder’s voice fo rsome reason.. don’t know why, his career ended as quickly as it began because he REALLY did not pick his films well. He saw that he was going to be in a film with David Spade and Rob Schinder and didn’t fire his agent for suggesting it. Meanwhile Scott and Ramona run into Sandra and Monique, Scott’s old classmates who just sorta.. show up every so oftne, often backing up Julie because every Alpha Bitch needs a posse. As Boscha has proven once you loose your posse you loose your bitchy powers. They also ask if Scott and Ramona are an item which leads to a fantagious visual gag. 

Also Stephen awkardly talks to the new couple, about how much Knives loves the band, and because why start reading the room now just sorta.. CASUALLY slips in the fact he knows her is because she and scott dated. 

Granted Knives action this book really EARNED her that curveball.. but still, it’s transparently clear she’s both not over Scott and Neil’s a placebo, and that she loves the band... how the fuck did you get through college, much less get two loyalish friends Steve. 

Kim tries to hide when she runs into Sarah whose with.. someon O Malley does not know, literally captioning it “I don’t know htis girl”. Fucking love that gag even if SOMEHOW kim is the roomate they all hate. Despite hte fact as the side story will bare out, her roommates are all pretty obnoxious, so i’ts probably because she’s the only sane person in that group and their VERY lucky kim just dind’t set the place on fire on her way out and let god do what he should’ve a long time ago. Also we meet Lynette, the band’s drummer who smokes “She must be evil” “Still hot though”... both accurate. Also Luke wilson is there.. no really. Just holy shit that’s awesome.  Okay so with all of that out of the way, it’s time for the show. So after a full volume’s build up , and a really cool build up in the page before we finally properly meet clash at the demonhead, and miss envy adams. 

Heck of  a reveal and not the only one as ramona realized what the audience probably already guessed....

Dun dun dun! And since I don’t like leaving a cliffhanger dangling lest I have to... we’ll be getting to this next week.. what you thought i’d say right now or tommorow? This was a lot. But no i’m not leaving you too long. Next week, Evil Ex Crossover! Ramona and Wallace become BFF’s! We learn what the deal with Scott and Envy is! Scott faces the Ken to his Ryu! And Wallace gets a boyfriend. All this and more next week. for now...

Final Thoughts: This one.. was a VERY rough one to review and it ties back to this volume’s biggest problem: it is not paced very well. Like the series as a whole it has a pretty easy going, slice of life pace. The only ones without this kind of easy pacing are 3 and 6, and even 3 has some slice of life bits, their just both more focused due to the events going on. This one... well....

Pretty much. While this one has very important stuff going on, Scott and ramona getting closer, ramona getting more fleshed out, Wallace showing how deep his character is, Kim also getting fleshed out quite a bit, Knives showing off her crazy side, setting up the next volume, the second ex fight.. it’s all just kinda.. jumbled together. It’s not really until the knives fight onward the book takes on some really solid pacing and really gets going.It’s not a BAD book: ther’es some REALLY good character stuff as I dug into.. but the pacing is just really loose and without the Evil Ex fight as an anchor and with ramona and scott just sorta.. getting to know one another, in both biblical and non biblical senses, it dosen’t have either of the series main narrative thrusts. Even the knvies subplot really amoutns to nothing for now, as Ramona dosen’t find out Scott’s a cheater, and only distrusts knives now. That’s about it. It does improve on book one in characterization, with eveyrone being MUCH cleearer in terms of who they are and settling into their iconic selves nicely. Wallace’s more selfless and protective side pops up, Ramona starts to show mroe of her personality good and bad, Scott’s better traits are mixed a bit mor eeven with the douche ones,  Knive’s far more unstable and violet stalker side emerges, and Stephen.. well fuck him, point is things are coming together.. but O’Malley still isn’t quite at peak power yet. Not bad and still worth a read like last time, just a bit uneeven is all. That being said... if you want O’Malley at his peak.. well then come back next week. Until then i’ll be doing my usual buisness of reviewing birds, refrencing simpsons and letterkenny, and putting my eyes back in after kim’s look up there. For now the sun’s setting and i’m out of here. 

[rosethornewrites]

Fic: The Rebellion of Adrien Agreste ch. 1-2

Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth, Juleka Couffaine/Rose Lavillant, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Luka Couffaine, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug & Kagami Tsurugi, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Luka Couffaine, Lila Rossi/karma, Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth/aneurism, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug/Kagami Tsurugi, Plagg & Tikki

Characters: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth, Lila Rossi, Jagged Stone, Plagg, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Luka Couffaine, Penny Rolling, Anarka Couffaine, Rose Lavillant, Juleka Couffaine, Kagami Tsurugi, Alya Césaire, Chloé Bourgeois, Wayhem, Nadja Chamack, Nathalie Sancoeur, Sabine Cheng, Tom Dupain, Tikki, Fang, Principal Damocles, Caline Bustier, Ms. Mendeleiev, original minor character, Alec Cataldi, Lila Rossi's Mother, Sabrina Raincomprix, Roger Raincomprix, Mylène Haprèle, Le Gorille | Adrien Agreste's Bodyguard, Nino Lahiffe, Nooroo

Tags: Lila Rossi salt, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Teenage Rebellion, Swearing, Bad Parent Gabriel Agreste, Crack Treated Seriously, Lila Rossi's Lies Are Exposed, Cuddling & Snuggling, Luka Couffaine Needs a Hug, Paparazzi, Parentification, Marinette Dupain-Cheng Needs a Hug, Gabriel Agreste Needs an Aneurism, Uncle Jagged Stone, we're all queer here, the spirit of punk is sometimes just being allowed to be yourself, Kagami Finds Her Groove, punk rock fashion, Savage Kagami, Marinette protection squad, Good Parent Sabine Cheng, Good Parent Tom Dupain, Protective Kagami Tsurugi, Protective Luka Couffaine, Bisexual Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Pansexual Luka Couffaine, Sharing a Bed, Pet Names, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Instagram, Bullying, Social Media, Anxiety, Makeover, Hugs, will cure your acne, Face Punching, Bad Ass Juleka Couffaine, Rumors, Protective Juleka Couffaine, Protective Adrien Agreste, Lawyers, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Holding Hands, accountability, mental health, Jagged Stone's well-paid pet shark, How to Make the Evening News, Sexy eyeliner for days, one fish two fish Lila is a screwed fish, How to have fun and piss Gabriel off, Fuckery, sweet litigious karma, Alya sugar, lawyer shark doo doo doo doo doo doo, Schadenfreude, Bad Ass Alya Césaire, Gaslighting, abuse denormalization, Jagged likes his lawyers like he likes his pets: toothy af, Blood in the Water, Everything you didn’t know you wanted and some things you did, Gabriel Agreste is shark bait, Denial, Consequences, Principal Damocles salt, caline bustier salt, the impotence of Gabriel Agreste, snarky Nooroo, lies and the lying liars who tell them, Lila's brain is a narcissistic hellscape, Lila’s mind is built like an Escher piece, Alec Cataldi salt, Adrien Sugar, wholesome salt, Fu Salt, Kwami Shenanigans, Nooroo is a little shit

Summary: Gabriel decides that Adrien entering a romantic relationship is a good move for the brand. He chooses Lila Rossi as the other half. Adrien nopes tf out.

Notes: I was gonna have it be a slow acceleration, but Adrien was all “Go big or go home.” Also trying to find motivation to write more of this fic.

AO3 link

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“No,” Adrien growled. “Absolutely not!”

Lila made a show of crying, not that anyone in the room believed her tears were real.

Gabriel frowned at him from his desk. “This will be good for the brand—”

“Fuck the brand!”

“Adrien! This is unbecoming. You will be seen to be dating Ms. Rossi. That is final.”

Adrien’s fists were so tight he was sure he had crescents eating into his palms. “Like hell it is! I will not date that—” he gestured at Lila “—lying cow. Not after how she’s hurt my friends.”

Said girl gasped, outraged, and Adrien was glad to see she actually looked truly upset.

His father stood, but kept his voice emotionless, calm, self-assured that he would capitulate. “Cease this ridiculous teenage rebellion.”

He saw red, but oddly it calmed him. “Father, you have not seen teenage rebellion,” he said, his voice almost terrifyingly calm. “But I would be happy to teach you what it looks like if you try to force me to do this.”

Gabriel’s eyes narrowed behind his glasses. Adrien could see him considering that, but then discarding it. “It will be in the papers tomorrow. If you misbehave, you’ll no longer be permitted to go to school.”

Adrien snorted. He knew more ways to escape this house than his father could possibly anticipate—some he’d made himself, even. “Good luck, Gabe. You’re going to need it.”

He spun on his heel before his father could respond and slammed the door behind him. With the enhanced strength he had as the Black Cat Miraculous chosen, the wood cracked audibly.

As he made his way back to his room, he realized the opportunity his father had just placed in his lap. As the face of the brand, Adrien had more power than Gabriel seemed to realize. It was time to stretch those muscles.

He had planning to do.

---------

His father had spectacularly good timing for pulling this kind of stunt—for Adrien, anyway. He’d heard from a couple of friends of his that a certain rock star was in town. And if anyone was up for promoting teenage rebellion, Adrien had no doubt it would be Jagged Stone.

It was child’s play to sneak out of the house. He didn’t even have to transform to do it. From there it was just making his way to the Grand Paris Hotel. The staff assumed he was there to see Chloé, so getting in was no problem. Jagged Stone always rented the same suite, so that wasn’t an issue, either.

The hard part, he knew, would come after he knocked on the door.

Jagged opened the door, and then peered at him suspiciously.

“Um, M. Stone, I don’t know if you remember me but—”

The rock star suddenly broke into a wide grin. “Oh, you’re Marinette’s model friend, right?”

Adrien blinked. Maybe this wouldn’t be so hard. His rock idol knew him?

Sadly, he had no time to fanboy.

“Yes, Adrien. I was wondering if I could trouble you for some help?”

And so that was how Adrien Agreste wound up sitting in Jagged Stone’s suite, petting Fang, and telling him about the woe that was the obsession his father had with Lila Rossi, Liar Extraordinaire.

“She said I had a what?”

“A kitten. And she got Marinette expelled and is just being really awful to her.”

Jagged opened a cell phone. “Penny, I need you. Yes, I know I sent you for macrons, but this is really important. Bring my niece with.”

When he was finished, he turned to Adrien again. “We’ll get that taken care of.”

“That’s not all, M. Stone.”

He pressed forward, telling his idol of the relationship he was being forced into and his promise to show Gabriel Agreste just what he could do if he really rebelled.

When he was done, Jagged’s face was gleeful in an almost terrifying way.

“Oh, please tell me I get to help with this?” At Adrien’s nod the man whooped in excitement. “Brilliant. Once my niece gets here, we’ll plan properly. She’s a planner, that one. Smart as a whip.”

Adrien blinked. “Your niece?”

“Marinette, of course! Honorary niece.”

His jaw dropped. Marinette had always had the upper hand on Lila, could call in Jagged at any moment to destroy her, and had held back. He never should’ve stopped her.

“My father can’t know she helped. He’s got so much power in the fashion industry, and I don’t want to hurt her career.”

Jagged waved away his concerns. “Mate, listen. From what I understand you’re the face of that company. You have the power, not him. Get you in some Marinette originals, and he can’t undo the fame that’ll bring her.”

Adrien hadn’t considered that. “I just don’t want her hurt.”

He heard the door open, and then a soft, “Adrien?”

It meant he had to explain the situation all over again, letting Jagged Stone assure her that he was going to pop the liar’s kitten whopper as soon as possible.

“I can stop by your school with Fang, yeah? They can’t keep me from saying hi to my favorite niece.”

Marinette bit her lip. “That would be helpful, but for Adrien…”

Adrien smiled. “I want you to design me a new look. Something we can do here and now—maybe with the discrete help of some of the hotel staff, since they have that nice spa and such. Hair dye, new clothes. Maybe some fake piercings. Oooh, a fake tattoo?”

Jagged glanced at Penny, who looked uncertain about this. “Don’t be a party pooper, Penny.”

“His father might sue you,” she pointed out.

“Like I care. I have money.” He grinned. “And for what? Giving his kid a makeover?”

“French law—”

“Nope, don’t care. It’s happening. Get his sizes and go to my favorite stores. Adrien, what color scheme?”

Adrien blinked. He hadn’t thought that far. He glanced at Marinette. “Um, do you think Chat Noir would mind if I used his colors? I think of him when I think teenage rebellion.”

That was more because being Chat Noir had up to this point been his way of rebelling, but she didn’t need to know that.

To his surprise, Marinette grinned, the smile wide enough to match Jagged’s. “Oh, I like that idea. Chains and spikes? Fake lip ring and septum?”

“Absolutely!”

Jagged made a shooing motion at Penny, who rolled her eyes and headed toward the door, before joining in. “Now how about this idea: black and neon green hair, done to look like a skunk’s stripes!”

Adrien was surprised to find himself laughing honestly at the idea. He’d been so angry less than an hour ago, but this was truly fun. “This makes me think of those J-Rock bands, how they used to dress up.”

Jagged’s phone let out a guitar riff and he glanced at it. “Oh, right. Penny needs your measurements. Shoe size, too. Definitely some stomping boots, I think.”

He handed over his unlocked phone for Adrien to text.

“I’ll call the salon, yeah?”

Adrien nodded, texting the information, then froze. “Wait, Chloé might tell my father.”

That got a laugh. “Nah. They’re discrete. They bring everything up here for me—I won’t be around people if I’m getting my hair dyed.”

While Jagged made the call, Adrien finished the text. When he looked up, Marinette was watching him. She turned pink when she realized he’d caught her.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” she asked after a moment.

He sighed, slumping back on the sofa and resting his hand on Fang’s head again. “No, but I don’t have any better ones. That stupid news claiming I’m with Lila’s going to hit tomorrow. And I’m so done with this, with him treating me like I’m property.”

Marinette looked worried, and he tried to muster up a smile. From her expression, he didn’t manage it.

“Maybe…” she started, then trailed off.

“Maybe?”

She didn’t look at him. “Maybe you should look into laws involving child labor and parental responsibility. You… you might be able to get emancipated.”

That startled him—something he hadn’t even thought of before. He hadn’t even been aware it was an option.

When Marinette did look at him, her eyes were stormy. “He’s so… cruel to you. Maybe there’s legal recourse.”

“I’ll think about it,” he murmured. That seemed like such a drastic measure. “I don’t know if I want to go that far.”

She nodded, and he excused himself to go to the bathroom.

Plagg shot out of his pocket the moment the door was closed. “I’m so proud of you kid. This is gonna be great!”

“Thanks, Plagg.”

The kwami grabbed the proffered wedge of camembert.

“And think about what Pigtails said. Your dad’s a real piece of work, and you deserve better.”

“I will.”

Adrien could feel the idea turning over in his mind, as though gathering strength. When he left the bathroom, Jagged met him excitedly.

“I have just the idea! A temporary face tattoo!”

[llogllady99]

One summer’s day

CHARACTERS | Levi, Erwin, Hange, Petra, Nanaba, Mike, Marie, Moblit, Erwin’s parents, Kuchel, Farlan, Isabel, OCs

RELATIONSHIPS | Levi x Erwin, Almost Levi x Farlan, One sided Erwin x Marie

GENRE | Romance, Smut, Love

TAGS | Alternate universe - modern setting, eventual smut, eventual romance, summer love, angst and fluff and smut, asthma, teenage love, young love, summer love, soulmates.

SUMMARY | Levi has asthma and after a pretty ugly attack, his doctor suggests that he move to a village up North, in the mountain area with fresh and unpolluted air that would help with his lungs. It was a pain at first but as summer advances, Levi bonds deeply with people from that town, spending a summer that won't leave his mind, nor his heart for that matter, for a long time.

Chapter 1 

Levi was furious, fuming, little clouds of smoke rising up from his ears and into the car’s roof, condensing then falling on his shoulders in the form of small water droplets.

“Tell me why do I have to go again?” Levi said, in a passive aggressive tone, like they didn’t just have this conversation three more times before.

“You know what? Fuck you, Levi! You are going to go to your aunt’s and you’re going to enjoy it!” Kuchel roared from the driver’s sit.

“But I had plans!” He thought back to the plans he had made with Farlan and Isabel. They were supposed to finally attend a party. Their first party in their 17 years of life, shockingly enough. Kuchel was very protective of Levi because of his sickness and didn’t allow him to hang out somewhere she couldn’t arrive immediately in case something happened. Parties were, of course, out of the question. The idea of Levi polluting his lungs with cigarettes and other people’s breath and other bodily fluids was completely out of the question, since his body was so fragile. They had come up with the perfect plan: Farlan would talk with his older brother to get them inside one of his fraternity’s party that summer and Levi would go spend the night at Isabel’s because her mother was also a nurse and Kuchel trusted them in case something happened. He would have also taken his inhaler with him and calming pills in case something did happen.

Not to mention the fact that Farlan was finally going to ask him out. Levi had had a crush on him for as long as he could remember and after hearing from Isabel that Farlan liked him back and that it was just a matter of time before he asked him out. Levi was in cloud nine, exhilarate. He was going to have his first boyfriend, and not to mention the love of his life. He was completely sure that Farlan and him were going to get married one day. With their circumstances it was almost impossible not to do so. Levi loved him and the blonde finally realised he love him back, things were going to be perfect. His summer was going to be perfect. Now, that had become impossible. He would be out of town for the rest of the summer, breathing in fucking mountain air because of the doctor’s recommendation.

“I don’t care! You almost died from that asthma attack or do you not remember being rushed into the hospital and stuffed with drugs like the roasted ducks you like so much to eat on Christmas?Now shut the fuck up before you have another attack. Christ child, you are going to be the death of me.” Levi grimaced, he knew better than to push. He turned his gaze towards the window and watched as the city’s grey, crowded buildings diminished and gave way to vibrant green, flowery meadows stretching indefinitely beside them as the highway advanced. His mother was right to some extent. His asthma had been getting worse and the attack from a few days prior had shaken him to the core. He still remembered hurrying up to get to school on time and just as he passed the threshold he collapsed and had the most aggressive cough fit. Cough after cough after cough, with so little time in between to breathe, he eventually fell unconscious.

If he were to describe his experience, he would have analogised it to a nap. A nap where you don’t sleep but rather you’re stuck in a state of semi-consciousness, thoughts speeding through your brain like cars on a highway. At one moment you would wake up and realise you are out of breath, not because you somehow forgot to breathe, that would be impossible, but because you were so concentrated on the things running through your head, fully engrossed in the world you have created for yourself there. You would sit up and pant, pressing your hand to your heart, which would beat frantically in your chest, and lift your shoulders in one big open mouthed breath. You would slowly start to breathe normally again, and everything would be ok. You would continue to go through your day, forgetting the incident, because it had become all too familiar. You’ve done it since birth, why should it be any different now?

However, Levi never got to take that in that massive inhale of breath, installing balance in his body once again, instead passing out,  in front of everyone: teachers, students, staff. He remembered someone panicking and shouting like a maniac in the background, students gathering around him, his friend Isabel cupping his head and trying to pull him upward, and Farlan holding on to him, shouting just like the woman in the background. It was a circus, one where Levi had been the main attraction, that is, before he almost fell into the dark, sharp claws of death. He had felt them, creeping up from behind, wrapping around his neck and mouth, pulling him in deeper and deeper.

For some reason, he had been ready to accept that. He hated himself, he was small and frail, forever grumpy, and always a reason of concern for his dear ones. He just wanted to be normal, he wanted to be able to play catch with the energetic redhead back when they were ten, he wanted play sports, he wanted to be able to run to school without fucking dying, and he wanted to stop being treated like china by his mother. He almost let go, he almost let himself drown into the void abyss of death emerging deeper and deeper with every second that passed by, but then his hands were grabbed by something: another warm pair of olive hands strongly gripping his own and pulling him upwards. He didn’t know who these hands belong to, his mother’s had long and cold fingers, Farlan’s skin was a little more pale, and Isabel was not that strong.

“Come on, Levi, Hang on, if you don’t survive we won’t be able to meet.” What? Meet who? Whose was that voice? It was deep and melodic, almost calming. It comforted Levi, more than he expected and he let himself be pulled upwards, back towards the light.

When he awoke, he was in a hospital bed, IV poles attached to both of his hands. In front of him, his mother was chatting with the doctor quietly. Levi noticed there had been tears running down her cheeks, he hated seeing her cry, it wasn’t fair. It made him want to reap his lungs out, discard them completely. A nauseous feeling overtook him immediately, and he felt himself cry out of frustration and anger. Why couldn’t he just be normal?!

“What should I do with him, doctor? He’s been getting worse and worse.” Kuchel blew her nose and tightened the hands that were already crossed on her chest. The doctor scratched his ear in thinking and looked at him for a second before turning back to his mother.

“Maybe take him to the mountains, where the air is clearer. It won’t heal him, but it will definitely help with the attacks, it will calm them down considerably.” Kuchel dropped her gaze, pondering over the doctor’s suggestion. Her face suddenly brightened up as an idea sprang to her mind. Directing her attention back to the doctor, she smiled and said:

“Well, that’s just perfect! I actually have some faraway family residing up north, thank you doctor!”

And that’s how Levi had ended up on the way to some distant aunt who apparently was not his aunt but actually the grandma of some cousin’s brother, who had been invited to Kuchel’s wedding twenty years ago, and with whom they had never kept in touch since. But his mother was a determined woman and after a couple of phone calls he was ready to go, shipped to some faraway city, scheduled to be stationed in a stranger’s house until the end of summer. Wop de fucking doo.

“Are we there yet?” Levi asked, determined to be a brat about it and drag his mother into the same misery he was in. He felt bad for the trouble he caused her and the worry he made her go through but he wasn’t giving up just yet. After all, hope dies last.

“Seriously? What are you five? Come on Levi, please don’t be upset. I know it’s hard, but know it’s for your own good. So please try to be open about it.” Kuchel turned and gave him a kind smile, one filled with understanding and tenderness. It was hard for Levi to keep this charade up when his mother retaliated with kindness. It wasn’t fair. Now he couldn’t get out all of his frustrations. He scoffed and turned his attention back to the window. He eventually fell asleep. How, he didn’t know but by the time he opened his eyes again they were pulling up the driveway of a secluded cottage, judging by the other golden lights shining in the distance and forming what was supposed to be the actual village. From what he could make out in the murky darkness, the cottage was more like a town house, its walls made of faded reddish bricks. It had four large rectangular windows, one on the left side, one on the right, and the other placed far up close to the triangular roof of the house. At its doorstep, a small yellow light flickered, struggling to keep itself on. Levi sneered but otherwise made no complaint.

The women who was in charge of Levi for the summer, welcomed them in with a warm smile spreading from ear to ear, making her cheeks close her eyes even more than they were already. She was about the same height as Levi, if not shorter, and chubby, dressed with a light pink wrapped dress and a purple-blue cardigan covering her shoulders. She displayed short, curly, grey hair that was carefully combed back out of her viridian green eyes and downturned nose, upon which rested a pair of circular reading glasses. Levi rid himself of his shoes then bowed in front of the woman.

“Thank you for welcoming me into your home. I sincerely hope I will not be a burden to you.” The woman smiled then gave him a hug, one which he did not return as he was too startled by her gesture.

“No need for such formalities,” she chuckled, wrapping the cardigan around herself, “Now tell me young man, what is your name?”

“Levi.” He deadpanned, unsure what to make of the woman. His mother had gone to fetch his luggage from the car, leaving the two of them alone. The lady gestured for him to go take a seat on the couch in the room left of the hallway. It was quite a beautiful living room, looked lived in too. Lots of trinkets were resting on desks, couches, coffee table, and a fire place, which was not lit. Taking a sit on one of the two parallel couches positioned right in front of the fire place, Levi finally noticed the set of fine china placed on the coffee table. The woman sat on the other couch.

“Levi,” she tasted the word, “Such a beautiful name. And jewish also. Did you know it means contradiction?” She laughed. Levi cocked a brow but said nothing, instead he eyed the little blue tea cups in front of him and felt himself already drooling as he imagined what kind of fine tea the woman had stored.

“I take it you like tea?” She smiled, then poured him a cup. “Well, nice to meet you Levi, my name is-“

“Chiasa!” His mother entered the living room, dropping Levi’s bags in the hallway. “Thank you so much for taking him in with such short notice. You are an angel!” Kuchel exclaimed in her fake tone she adopted when she was around new people. Levi rolled his eyes and patted the sit beside him.

“Ah, no worries, the pleasure is all mine!” Chiasa waved her hand as if it was the most natural thing to house a complete stranger, then poured Levi more tea when she noticed he finished his cup. “Tell me Kuchel, do you plan on staying the night? Should I prepare the guest room?”

“Oh that would be lovely but unnecessary!” Her mother laughed nervously, rubbing the back of her neck. “I have work first thing tomorrow morning and I’m afraid I must get going.”

“Such a shame.” Tsked the old woman. Levi stood up and walked his mother to the door, a grim expression on his face.

“Don’t go.” He tried to put on his puppy eyes, turning his bottom lip and widening his eyes. Kuchel bit her lip and tilted her head.

“Now Levi, don’t give me that look. This is in your best interest. Plus, the woman is a sweetheart. I have a feeling you two will be getting along just fine. Please be kind to her, she lost her daughter and to be frank she seems kind of lonely. Such a huge house for such a small person.” Levi hummed, then hugged his mother.

“I love you and I will miss you. And yes, I promise I’ll be kind to her.” Kuchel chuckled then pulled back, putting on her boots.

“Maybe I should do this more often, maybe then you’ll hug me more.” She smirked, ignoring the scoff she earned from her son. “Goodbye Levi, take care. I love you.”

“Goodbye, mother.” Levi smiled as she closed the door, but suddenly felt cold without her presence. He was now alone with Chiasa, who was sitting patiently in the couch they left her in. Who knew what this woman was up to? What if she abducted him in the middle of the night, sold him, and forced him to prostitute himself? That’s a dark thought. Levi shook his head, he could protect himself. She was just a raggedy old woman, who would probably surrender after the first punch was thrown. Levi could handle her, he was safe. He turned and entered the living room once again. Chiasa lifted her gaze and smiled at him, extending her hand and inviting him back to his sit.

“This must be all very strange to you, but I’m very happy to have you here, Levi. God knows it’s been too long since anyone but myself stepped foot in this house.”

What the fuck? Had the woman just read his mind?

“Well, you might be a serial killer for all I know.” Levi deadpanned, shocking the woman for a moment before she composed herself again.

“Really? What gave me away?” Chiasa winked. Maybe the woman wasn’t so bad, maybe he was just being paranoid. Still, he didn’t trust her yet. He checked his now empty cup and pouted. He wanted another one but he was too afraid to ask. He threw an inquisitive glance at the woman before him, hoping she’ll understand but she just watched him and tilted her head to the side, chuckling softly.

“If you want something, don’t be afraid to ask. Of course you can have another cup!” Levi quirked his lip upward, in half a smile. The woman sure was receptive.

“Thanks.” He muttered, then leaned over and poured himself another cup. Taking the first sip, he leaned back into the couch, starting slowly but surely to relax. This place was his home for the remainder of the summer, he might as well get comfortable. Three months was an awful lot of time. Chiasa stood up, and held out her hand.

“I should perhaps show you the room.” Levi stood up, refusing her hand then tried to drown his tea, ending up coughing violently, amusing the old woman with his behaviour. She began heading towards the hallway again and up the stairs that were right in front of it. Levi followed close behind, grabbing his bags and making his way silently up the stairs.

His room was on the right side of the house, at the end of the hallway the stair lead-up to. It had one of those big rectangular window Levi saw outside, placed just above the bed, a wood bed frame adjourned with a pristine white mattress on top which laid clean green sheets. Large wood pillars supported the ceiling, decorated with a variety of books and plants on their horizontal sections. It was clear the room had been taken care of. It was a pleasure, quite an immense one at that, to be welcomed to a clean and organised room. He had briefly worried he will have to do the job himself when he got here. Obviously, it wasn’t necessary anymore. A smile creeped upon his face. Chiasa huffed a laugh beside him and gave his upper arm a squeeze.

“Your mom told me you liked a clean place, so I made sure to do just that. Do you like it?”

“Yes! Thank you very much, words cannot express the appreciation I’m feeling.” Levi bowed, but was quickly held upright by the woman who kept waving her hand, insisting it wasn’t necessary. But it kind of was, they had just met and Levi promised Kuchel he’d make a good impression. Chiasa was kind enough to clean his room, it was mandatory he expressed his gratitude.

“It was my daughter’s room,” she smiled sadly, “she was going to be an engineer.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.” Levi offered his own half but genuine smile, then placed a hand on her shoulder. The woman looked at him with wide eyes, then placed a hand over his and shook it slightly. Levi knew what loss was like so he was able to sympathise with Chiasa. Only a few years ago had his father died.

“Well, Levi. I’m going to leave you. But before I go, have you eaten anything today? Would you like for me to fix us some soup?” He shook his head and assured the woman he had eaten before and he was no longer hungry. He lied of course, he was starving but strangely enough he had no appetite for food. Unpacking and maybe sleep would probably get him over this first day. The woman seemed nice enough and as she exited the room, Levi couldn’t help but feel a little lighter, his mother’s departure not so severe and nauseous as he thought it would have been.

He started to unpack his suitcase, taking each bundle fo clothing carefully and placing them in order in the wooden closet just beside the door. He made sure to categorise each of his clothes: pants to pants, shirts to shirts, sport gear to sport gear, and shoes to shoes. After he finished, he carefully placed his suitcase in a standing position by the closet, and taking his toiletries with him, went to shower.

Sitting now in bed, he tried to check his phone. There was no signal whatsoever. Great. He had no way of communication, and if this old lady did end up butchering him then he would have no one to call to. That was just his luck. Count on Levi to get stuck in a cottage with a stranger, stranded away from the world with no means of getting in touch with the outside world. He fretted all night long, tossing and turning, his head swarming with similar eerie, dark thoughts that, as hard as he might  have tried, he could not get rid of. Luckily, as the night started pouring into twilight, he finally relaxed enough to let sleep take him.

-

“Good morning!” Chiasa singsonged as Levi entered the kitchen the next morning. “How was your first night?”

“Could have been better, but the first night in a foreign bed is always the hardest.” Levi sat down at the small square table in the middle of the kitchen, biting back a yawn. “Do you need me to help?”

“Oh no! I was just finished in fact!” Chiasa turned around and placed two omelette plates on the table. They smelled divine, he couldn’t wait to dig into them. He noticed however that there was no cutlery so he sat up and rummaged through the kitchen, finding under the sink the cabinet with the forks and knives. He picked out two knives and two forks and placed one of each for both of them. Levi was prepared to dig into his food, but Chiasa stopped him.

“Do you not pray before you eat?”

Levi looked at her confused. Was he supposed to? Kuchel never made him do it and his friends also didn’t.

“I take it you don’t, but it’s not a problem. We can try if you want. I personally find myself enjoying my food better after I’ve expressed my gratitude to Him.” Chiasa extended her hands, reaching for his. He hesitantly took them. Her hands were very warm and very familiar, he liked holding them, so he squeezed involuntarily, the women chuckled at his childish behaviour then started chanting the prayer.

“Bless our food. Bless us, O God. Bless our food and our drink. Since you redeemed us so dearly and delivered us from evil, as you gave us a share in this food so may you give us a share in eternal life.” She let go of his hands. “There now you can eat, and don’t forget to ask me if you need anything. Water, bread, anything. Don’t be too shy.”

Levi nodded then started eating. Chiasa had been right, he felt much lighter and so much better. The food also seemed to have more flavour too, though he couldn’t figure out if it was just because he was hungry or from Chiasa simply being a good cook.

“Tell me Levi, do you have any plans for today?” The woman asked as she cleaned the table, refusing again any kind of help from him. He made a promise to himself that he would beat her to it next time, it just didn’t felt right for him to just sit there while she did all the work. He wasn’t like that.

“No not really, I was thinking about visiting the village, but if you have another suggestion, I’m happy to oblige.” Levi stood up and went to wash his hands in the sink. Making sure Chiasa was nowhere near the sink, he started washing the dishes, slightly smirking when he heard the disapproving hum from across the room. However he did not relent and was unsurprisingly left alone.

“It’s Sunday and the church has organised a town’s meeting, I think it will be good for you to get to know the folks from around here. Who knows, you might even make some friends.” The old lady offered as he made her way around the table, tucking the chairs underneath. Levi pondered over it, the idea of meeting new people didn’t intrigue him very much but walking around town alone also didn’t sound very appealing. He figured the latter of the two would be more enjoyable, so, reluctantly, he agreed.

-

It was a beautiful day. The sun was beaming brightly, its yellow rays warming them as they made their way through the town. Chiasa’s house was no different than the others he encountered now, big cottages that looked like town houses. Some were made of clay with brown logs on their sides and around their windows, others were similar to Georgian homes but had more of a rural touch to them, their architecture not quite so symmetrical and the pillars not quite so tall. The town was relatively peaceful, cars trekked through it scarcely, the roads instead being more frequented by bikes and hay carts.

Everyone seemed to know everyone, from the youngest children to the oldest of the population. They each knew each other’s names, mixing them with greetings as some of them came to buy groceries, or speeding past, or even playing next to each other. It gave Levi a warm feeling of familiarity. Chiasa seemed to notice but said nothing, instead choosing to tell him about the event they were going to attend.

“The picnic will be taking place in the church’s backyard, right by the lake. When we arrive we are going to salute the priest’s family and then we’ll go see if we can secure ourselves a place right in front of the water. And then, I’ll pour you some of that tea you like so much.” The woman gestured to the thermos’s head that hung out from beneath the blanket on her basket. Levi hummed in approval but didn’t say anything after that. If he stuck by her side then maybe he would get through this without letting his anxiety take over. He could manage it, he was sure of it.

The church was nothing more than a simple chapel. Its walls were made of brick with a few low arches on the front, a black roof, and a small tower from which a weathered bell hung. It was placed on a small hill and as they made their way past it, beneath them a little valley with a sparkling lake stretched. On its side there could be made out little colourful squares, that he reckoned were the blankets of other people. Children played, chasing each other, laughing whenever someone would trip or fall. Some people were laying on the grass reading or engaging in casual conversation, others would be eating. It was a pleasant sight, quite a peaceful one also. Back in the city they didn’t have those, or rather, nobody bothered showing up as they were too engrossed in their fast paced life, too busy to take a breather to relax with other people from their community. Levi had thought them pathetic or simply unimportant, but seeing one unfold before his eyes and in such a nice way, made him question his previous opinions. He didn’t have time to think about it any longer as he was pulled by Chiasa toward’s the priest’s family.

“Hello, father.” She saluted, pushing Levi in front of her. “This is Levi, he has just come in from the city and he will be staying with us this summer.”

Levi bowed unsure of what to do or say. “Hello, sir.”

The priest, who was two times Levi’s height, rose from where he sat crossed legged, and greeted him in return, “Why hello there young man. If you don’t mind, why did you come here?”

“No worries, sir. I came here because of my asthma. Mountain air will do wonders to my body, or so the doctor said.”

“Ah, I see. Well, I hope you will enjoy yourself here.” The priest sat back down next to his wife, who smiled and nodded her head. She was pregnant, and Levi reckoned she didn’t stand up not out of rudeness, but by pure incapacity. She was a petite woman with long strands of golden hair, prettily tied up in a bun at the top of her head. She wore a loose white gown, covering her small frame and sitting gently on the big bump of her womb. She smiled at Levi and waved at him as Chiasa dragged him by the hand to a small place of uncovered grass, perfect for their plans, being right beside the lake. They sat down and began chatting casually. The woman unpacking whatever food she brought along and Levi simply watching the peisage. The water was clear, his eyes being able to see every little pebble that laid on its floor, all the little fish that would swim about, wether alone or in banks. He enjoyed most when the sun would reflect off of the water, making it sparkle like one giant diamond. On the other side of the river there were mountains, big, rocky and snowy giants, bare at the top, white snow like icing on a cake, then slowly, as the rock neared the ground, vegetation would become more and more dense, vibrant dark green, combined with reddish brown, painting the mountain and adding more life and colour to the landscape.

“What do you think of it?” Chiasa said, noticing Levi staring.

“It is…” He wasn’t sure of what word to use. It didn’t leave him breathless, he had seen similar pictures on google, but seeing it in real life really did his impression on him. Naturally he went with: “Different.”

He could tell the woman was taken back by his choice of words. “Ah, I see.”

“Hello there!” A voice boomed beside him, scaring the shit out of him. Levi turned his head and was found face to face with a bright, wide eyed, looking at him in a disturbing way.

“Hi.” He answered, not sure what to make of the situation. The girl smiled, took off her shoes and proceeded to sit down on the blanket very much invading Levi’s personal space. He looked beside him at Chiasa, who looked totally untroubled by the scene unfolding in front of her.

“Hange, what a pleasure. You grew so much since I saw you last summer.” The old woman laughed, before being assaulted by a bear hug from said Hange. “This is Levi, he just came here.”

Like a wolf, closing in on its prey, Hange darted in a millisecond right beside him again, making the raven sneer and shuffle away, trying to put as much distance as possible between himself and the maniac who took the form of an innocent teenage girl. His gesture was in vain, as the second he tried pushing away, the girl came even closer, this time grabbing his hands in a frantic shook. Levi stared wide eyed before retracting his hands fast.

“Levi!!! Such a pleasure to meet ya! I hope you’ve taken a liking to this little town. If you want I can be your own personal tour guide, give you a crash course on the rural life. Oh I know! Maybe we could go biking, or hiking! I know a route through those mountains,” The brunette pointed at the chain of mountains across from them. “It will take us to a clearing very high from which you can see the sunset, or sunrise if you’re more on the adventurous side. Oh! And the wild life here is just exquisite. I ca-“ Levi pressed a hand to her mouth, making her shut up. She stared at him for a moment, blinking two times, before she backed away and fixed her glasses. “I’m sorry I tend to get carried away. It’s just so exciting. I’m so excited we met Levi! Let’s be friends!”

Hange extended her hand, poking him into the stomach accidentally. Levi stared at her incredulously, raising his right brow, before regaining his composure. ‘Let’s be friends?’ What was this? Primary school? He was a bit intimidated by her demeanour, and maybe overwhelmed by the sudden and unexpected meeting. He wanted to turn her down, saying he was better off doing whatever plan he did not have. It would have been easier, refusing and staying unbothered in his comfort zone. But he was stuck here THREE months, and as introverted as he might have been, lasting so much time alone was terrifying.

Hence, he accepts, unknowingly signing himself up for a summer that will not leave his mind, or heart for that matter, for a very long time.

A/N : I listened to Joe's Hisaishi piece One summer's day and thought wow! This would fit a summer love trope movie so well. Unfortunately, I didn't prepare a movie, but I did however write a fic for this alternate universe. Summer love has been on my mind for a while now and while I can't live it, it doesn't mean Levi and Erwin can't. I'm really excited for how this fic turns out. As always, I do not own Attack on titan or any of the characters associated with it, this is just for my own and your entertainment. Thank you for taking the time to read it and I hope you will stick around cuz there will be more where that came from! <333

[fandomoniumflurry]

Anise

Sam Winchester x OFC Marta

for @spnabobingo​ Square: Gunpowder/Leather/Anise

for @spnkinkbingo​ Square: Free Space

for @deanandsambingo​ Square: A/B/O

Rated M for Mature: some sex and swearing, abo dynamics, rut/heat

“I swear to God, you take one more step, I will pull this trigger.” The fire in her eyes proved the seriousness of her statement. Her hands didn’t shake and her body gave no hint of relaxation nor fear, only determination and steadfastness. Seeing that she would not be backing down, Sam stopped and slowly raised his hands in surrender. “Don’t even think of playing hero, Hercules. Toss the gun.” Her head gestured as if she could see the pistol in the back of his jeans, right through his stomach. 

Sam’s nostrils flared, more out of annoyance than intimidation or defiance. He pulled the gun from its resting place and made a show of slowly tossing it in her direction. “Call off your bodyguard too.” The Winchester’s face fell and his eyes turned to where his brother was waiting in the shadows. “If you don’t want a bullet through Shaggy’s head, I’d come out and play, Scooby Doo.” She held her gaze on the younger man as she addressed the eldest that stepped out of the brush. “Seems like I’ve found the island of the Amazon Wonder Men.” She stated with a straight face and Dean’s eyes rolled. “Get rid of your piece too, Ken Doll.” Her head gestured again as she eyed Dean from the corner of her peripheral.

“How did you know I was out there?” The elder questioned as he pulled his own gun and tossed it to her feet. 

She scoffed a light laugh as she turned her gaze slightly more toward him, Sam still clearly in her sight. “Are you shitting me? You two are the smelliest Alphas I’ve ever scented. I could smell you coming a mile away.” Dean’s lips pursed as he internally cursed his own genetics. “Gotta say though, you two do smell good. Mixture of gunpowder, leather and …” Her face wrinkled in thought before she sniffed the air. “Anise.” Dean seemed confused by the word and looked to his brother for explanation. The younger shook his head, this not being the time for an herbalism lesson. “Just take it as a compliment, will ya?” 

They couldn’t pick up any kind of scent from her however. This caused Sam’s face to wrinkle and she caught him trying to catch a whiff as a breeze blew through her hair. “You won’t catch anything. I got a good witch doctor that whips me up some damn good suppressants.” 

Dean’s head nodded slowly as he flashed a crooked smirk. “So you’re an Omega. Pretty tough and feisty for a ‘Mega.” 

Her eyes lit up again with a burning flame as her head jolted toward him. “You’d do good to keep your fucking mouth closed about things you don’t understand.” He saw her finger twitch and he quickly took a half step back, lowering his head as if in submission. 

“What do you plan on doing with us? We can’t just stand out here like this until the end of time.” Sam spoke, grabbing her attention away from his brother once more. “You don’t seem like the cold blooded killer type.” 

“You don’t know me!” She growled, pushing her gun out further, her arm rigid and tight like a coil that could unfurl and fire at any moment. It appeared that she was losing her edge, whatever insecurities she had were being prodded to cause her rage to rise. This made her even more dangerous with a gun in their direction. Sam nodded and silenced himself, lowering his head in mirror to his brother. 

The heightened emotions seemed to burn through her suppressants because it was that moment that a new scent wafted through the air. Sam’s head shot up at the smell and fear flashed in her eyes when she realized what was happening. The arm with the gun fell and with a spin on her heels, she darted off in a flash. Sam moved to take chase but Dean was there with a firm hand to his chest to stop him. The taller man took in a slow breath, cleansing his nostrils of the lingering smell and composing himself, offering Dean a nod of thanks. 

“Do you think she’s the one that kidnapped the tourists?” Sam questioned as they made their way back to the Impala. 

Dean adjusted the collar of his jacket to block out the cool air before shrugging. “She’s our only suspect right now. The sooner we find her the better and hopefully, when we do, she’ll be in a better mood. And not have a gun.” Sam chuckled lightly, nodding in agreeance before they both climbed into the car, missing the fact that their perp was lingering in the darkening blackness of the treeline. 

She was coated in sweat, body quivering and her breathing quick and labored as her heart thudded rapidly in her chest. The suppressants were supposed to prevent this and yet here she was, thrown into the worst heat she had ever experienced since she presented at sixteen. She knew what had triggered it but didn’t want to accept it so it was just time to disappear again. She was good at that, running away without leaving a trace. She’d been doing it her whole life and she never really planned on stopping. No matter how good he smelled and no matter how much she wanted to chase him down, she took off running in the opposite direction. 

They weren’t even back to the motel before Sam was in full blown rut. The fever was so bad that Dean had to put him in an ice bath the moment they got to the room. It took far too long to fill the tub with one ice bucket and an ice machine all the way down the hall. Neither brother could understand why it had come on so early and so fast. The boys had a routine, their ruts usually coming around at the same time. They had time to prepare and make plans but this came with no warning so there was no preparation for this. 

She didn’t get very far either before she was down for the count. But unlike the Alpha, she was alone deep within the mountains, a tiny shack hidden in the trees. She had been alone for years but this time, all she wanted was to be held, to be knotted, to be loved. She wanted someone to help her through this time to the point it made the ache even worse. She had never wanted to have an Alpha to rely on until that damn Sasquatch showed up and destroyed the walls she had tried so hard to build up. 

“I can’t just leave you here and go out to look for some mysterious Omega!” Dean hated arguing with the stubborn younger Alpha. The eldest Winchester was tired and frazzled, without an idea of what else to do. 

“Then fucking call Cas!” Sam growled, his hair sticking to the sweat coating his face. His brother heaved a sigh, nodding in acquiescence. 

“You don’t know her name and you can only give me a brief description of how she looks. And you expect me to just magically find her?” Castiel’s deadpan expression caused Dean to narrow his gaze at the angel standing before him. 

“She smells like cocoa!” The youngest Winchester pushed out through ground teeth. Cas looked judgmentally toward the older brother and Dean pinched the bridge of his nose with a sigh. 

“The last place we saw her was out in the woods. She headed north up into the mountains. That’s all I got, man. You gotta find her somehow. He refuses anything else and this rut is bad. He’s gonna let himself die. If he’s like this, I can only imagine what state she’s in.” Dean explained, his arms crossed over his chest, his concern and fear not hidden well beneath the firm wall of composure. 

Castiel’s shoulders lifted as he took in a slow breath and let it out with a nod of his head. “I will do the best I can. I will help Sam rest first.” He made his way to the bedside, placing his hand upon the thrashing Alpha’s forehead. Within a moment, the man calmed and drifted off into a deep sleep. The angel looked to the other Winchester now before the rush of wings preceded his disappearance. For the first time in a few hours, Dean finally sat down.

She had tossed her guns outside just because she couldn’t tolerate the lingering scent of gunpowder. Her leather jacket was locked away in the car with the leather interior. And yet the smell of him still lingered, like it was permanently burned into her nostrils. She swore and cursed in Spanish, yelling at God for besetting her with such horrid genes. 

But these prayers didn't reach God. No, they reached the ears of a blue eyed angel that was on the hunt for her. The lack of scent hid the angel from her senses until she spotted him out of the corner of her eye, standing near her bed. Letting out a scream, she slid off the bed and dropped to the floor. She didn’t get a good look at him and didn’t even cover her nakedness before everything went dark. 

“I had no time to explain.” Cas stated flatly, Dean covering his eyes with his hands the moment he spotted the naked women in the angel’s arms. 

“You couldn’t have at least gotten a blanket or something?” The Winchester questioned, his nose wrinkling when he caught her scent. Castiel didn’t answer, simply pushed past him to lay the sleeping Omega next to the knocked out younger Alpha. “We might wanna get outta here before they wake up. I really don’t want to see that side of my brother.” Cas didn’t give him time to prepare before he teleported them both away, leaving the pair in the bed. 

She was the first to wake, confused and groggy as her eyes slowly adjusted to reality. Her brain processed things slowly and it wasn’t until she began to sit up that she was reminded of her uninvited visitor. She was still naked but she wasn’t in as much pain, as a matter of fact she felt calmer, peaceful, safe. As she took in a breath, she would know why. The sweet smell of anise, coated in leather and dusted with gunpowder. 

Her head turned and there lay the large stranger she had ran from hours before. He was sleeping peacefully and she had never seen anything more beautiful. She didn’t even question how she had made it here, how he had found her, simply accepted the fact that they were back together. She didn’t know his name, where he lived, what he did for a living, it didn’t matter. He was hers and she needed him more than anything. 

She didn’t wait for him to wake up before she straddled his hips and began to roll her own against him. She groaned, throwing her head back as her slick coated his erection. He was definitely proportionate, perfectly long and thick just like the rest of him. Her hands came to rest on his firm chest and his eyes slowly opened to meet hers, a fire of lust and desire flashing in his hazel hues. 

“I’m Marta and I need you to fuck me now.” She spurted out, thick with her arousal, quiet and timid. He swallowed hard, his chest rising and falling with heavy breaths as he seemed to hold himself back. “Please.” She whimpered as she rolled her hips. 

His fingers dug into her hip bones as he growled deep in his throat. “I’m Sam and I’m going to take care of you from now on.” His mouth crashed against hers and he easily rolled them over, wasting no time burying himself inside her. This first time would be quick and hungry but the couple would get to know each other deeply over the next few days. The final day of Sam’s rut, he would claim her, making her his forever. 

“Is it safe?” Dean asked after he knocked on the motel door. The two chuckled, cuddled up, a naked mess of limbs in the bed they barely got out of the past few days. 

“Give us another half hour.��� Marta called out to the man she couldn’t wait to meet, having heard so much about him already. 

“Make it an hour!” Sam called before burying his head in her neck and nipping at the flesh.

There was an audible from outside the door. “I’ll be back in a few hours.” He stated flatly.

[honeyjaez]

Maze of Miroh- Chapter 10  “The End of a Family”

Hyunjin sprinted up the stairs, his face being overshadowed by his damp hair that fell in front of his eyes. He was being chased. By Dogs. By Agents. He didn’t exactly know, but needless to say things weren’t going exactly according to the plan.

As he reached another level he busted through the door and slammed it shut behind him, falling onto the ground in a heap of panting mess as he reached inside his jacket pocket, pulling out his cell phone.

“Channie hyung….” he breathed after a few more moments. “We have a problem.”

Minho and Jisung sprang themselves into the small room, wanting to waste no time. The younger boy jumped towards the Master Computer which sat near the front and threw his laptop out on the table, immediately clacking away on its keys.

“What are you doing?”

Jisung didn’t stop typing at Minho’s question but momentarily looked back towards him by throwing his head in his direction.

“I’m looking for anything in their files that will tell me how to shut off the Electric field.”

Minho nodded “Good. While you are at it, see if there is anything about reversing what they did to him.”

Minho heard Jisung’s furious typing cease abruptly and he looked over to see the boy now standing still, his head facing straight ahead.

“Minho…” Minho heard Jisung’s voice trail off, detecting an unexpected uncertainty in his voice. 

“There has to be a way” he interjected, knowing full well what was going to be said.

“…and what will you do when there isn’t?”  

»»»»»»»

 “I swear to fucking god Hyunjin if I hear that one more time …..”

“Channie hyung” the tall black haired boy interrupted “This is serious”

He knew his own voice was exposing his panic and his leader Chan picked up on that almost immediately.

“What is it?” he asked seriously.

“I know we said I would be the one to shoot the bombs off as a distraction” he started “but it would seem The Order is taking matter into their own hands. I witnessed their lead head of security start the fail-safe program.” Hyunjin’s voice trailed off as he continued to catch his breath on the floor. Chan hadn’t said anything so Hyunjin opened his mouth again, his voice genuinely concerned. “Hyung….this building is coming down, along with anyone still inside.”

»»»»»»»

“…and what will you do when there isn’t?”  

 Jisung’s words were so quiet that Minho had barley heard the words escape the younger lips. But sure enough, he caught them and he felt anger surge through him once again.

 “Is there something you’d like to share with the class Jisung?” he spat 

Jisung spun around as Minho’s tone struck a chord within him and glared daggers into the elder. His brown eyes narrowed in annoyance and ….. Was that worry?

“Well if it’s sharing time then yes! Yes I do have something to say to you!” Minho watched as the boy placed his laptop on the table next to him, never once taking his eyes off of his own. 

“You!” he started while pointing at Minho “For starters are an idiot with a death wish! I mean honestly! Why could you have just gone to the safe house like you were told? No you had to be an idiot and stay in the city. You had to be best friends with a fucking Miracle and YOU had to be the one to “tag along”” he emphasized those words by air quoting “Do I have something to say to you? Yes! Because of you, Changbin almost died! Hyunjin and Seungmin were taken hostage! They could have died! And now we are in so much shit! But all you can do is hide right? You are such coward letting us do all your work for you! Chan, Woojin and Innie, they are up there risking everything to get us out of here! But do you care? No! You don’t care about them, all you care about is Jeongwoo! Well I’m sorry to be the one that says this, but this single Miracle isn’t worth it!” Minho had gone frozen stiff during Jisung’s rant, but noticed that tears were flowing down the younger’s face as he yelled, almost as if the words he was saying hurt him too. Jisung knew this but made no attempt to hide it. “He isn’t worth them!” he managed to choke out.  

Minho watched with slightly wide eyes as Jisung wiped his eyes, trying to calm himself down. The younger let out a few shaky breaths before raising his head turning his gaze back on towards Minho’s.

“You need to stop being such a coward and prepare yourself for the inevitable.” He growled softly “Jeongwoo isn’t going to survive this. Realize that now before it breaks your heart later…”

Minho knew it deep down. He did. Just one look at the younger boy could spell out his fate to anyone and even if they do manage to get him out of here, unless they magically found Jeongwoo’s DNA again, the boy was still going to change. That or die.

Minho knew that. Of course he did. 

But he couldn’t accept it.

Slowly, lifting his head, he turned his gaze to match the intensity of Jisung’s, feeling his fist tighten up into small balls. He could finally feel the weight of the day crash onto his whole body and he suddenly felt as tired as he should have been at the moment. He didn’t have much strength left in him and that spelled danger if they didn’t get out soon. Minho gave the younger boy a small sad half smile, his eyes brimming with unspoken sorrow.

“If…..” his voice choked up as he could feel tears threatening to fall “If it was one of them….if it was someone from your family” he started, staring directly at Jisung “Wouldn’t you do anything in the world to save them? Even if you knew it was a lost cause?”

Silenced filled the room as Minho watched the younger boys eyes widen, something obviously running through his brain.

But before he could ask, a loud ring echoed throughout the room and Jisung slowly went into his pocket to pull out his phone.

“Chan?” Jisung’s voice broke slightly as he answered the phone and Minho was caught off guard at how frail and small he sounded.

Minho watched as Jisung’s eyes narrow, his face now grave. 

“Understood”

Minho watched as Jisung hung up the phone, closing his eyes. After a few more moments, let out a shaky breath. 

“ Whatever.Be useful and look for something like a switch. None of this will matter if we don’t get him out.”

Minho narrowed his eyes at the younger boy who now turned his back towards him, something not settling right in his gut. There was something he wasn’t telling him. 

“What did Chan have to say?”

Jisung was as frozen as a statue, the only sound being that of his fingers on the keyboard typing more furiously than before.

“Nothing. Now hurry up. The sooner we free him the sooner we get out of here.” his voice was cold, his voice was hard. Minho knew right then and there that Jisung hated him more than anything. And for some reason the thought of that made him sad.

Minho nodded, feeling the tears forming in his own eyes. He spun back around and begun his search around the room, wanting to forget about the conversation all together. The room they were in was smaller than that of the main room the cages were staged in, but cluttered with various objects. Farther down the room from Jisung and the Computer were multiple panels that Minho noticed had some on, and some off. Minho walked closer and realized that the panels functioning had various readings on them that were reports on the state of the Miracles bodies that were still locked in their cages. His eyes searched for Jeongwoo’s name, but was stopped when his eyes noticed something in the corner.

It was a small touchscreen sitting on top of a pedestal like statue nearby. A switch sat underneath with the big letters that read electricity. There was an outline of a hand sketched out on top and Minho realized with a sinking feeling in his gut that the only way to deactivate the shield was by hand print. An Authorized hand print at that.

Slowly, he laid his hand over the outline, hovering slightly above. After a few more moments he sighed and retracted his hand back. No way was his hand print going to work.

“Jisung” he called. “I found the switch but we have a slight problem.”

 He heard footsteps coming up alongside him and could feel Jisung’s presence next to him. Minho heard a small audible gasp escape the Younger boys lips as he registered what he was looking at, and placed his laptop down on the ground examining the pedestals base.

“Can you break it?” Minho asked quietly.

There was a few more moments of silence as Jisung’s eyes darted around the contraption before he let out a sigh and closed his eyes. “Maybe…. But I need time”

Minho felt his body temperature rise and he tensed his fists up.This was it. This was his one chance to rescue Jeongwoo.

You are such coward letting us do all your work for you!

Jisungs words ran through his mind and he stood back up, a few found determination in his eyes

He wasn’t going to let this moment slip from his fingers.

“What do you need?”

Jisung momentarily stopped fiddling with the base and looked up at Minho’s intense gaze, something flashing in them. But it was gone before Minho knew it and he watched as he reached behind him.

Jisung ripped something out of his backpack and unrolled it to reveal various tools . “Keep watch for me. With that alarm, we are sure to have company. Make sure no Agents get in here. If I can do this, and that’s a big IF, my computer will need to uninterrupted for at least 10 minutes.” His voice trailed off and was quiet for a few moments before continuing fiddling with his tools.

“Chan called” he said suddenly, not looking up. “It would seem The Order plans on blowing this place off the map……Chan…he ordered me to retreat….told me to take you back even if by force….and yet here I am.” he paused letting out a small laugh as if his words triggered a memory within him and looked up at Minho finally, eyes narrowed “Do you understand that? If my laptop get interrupted even once then that’s it. We’ve lost. Jeongwoo will die down here as the building collapses.10 Minutes Minho….. that or its game over.” he said, unscrewing the back panel.

Minho nodded, wasting no time in turning around towards the door. He was going to do this. Sure, he was terrified. The thought that the building could come down any second didn’t help his nerves much. But he was going to do this. He wasn’t going to let the fear overshadow him again.

All of a sudden it was then that Minho could hear a strangled noise coming from the main room. He shot out the door and rushed forward in the direction of the noise, realizing with horror that it was coming from Jeongwoo’s cage. As he rushed forward, he managed to catch glimpse of the boy, and what he saw, broke his heart.

Jeongwoo, still on the ground, was dry heaving and his whole body was juddering violently as he coughed up splatters of blood. He let out a shriek of pain as his hand went to his chest.

“Jeongwoo! Jeongwoo!” Minho shouted landing as close to him as possible without touching the cage. His heart pounded in his chest as he looked at his tiny little boy suffering.  Jeongwoo didn’t respond, but looked in Minho’s direction. The whites of his eyes now a sickly yellow color and he was sweating profusely as his chest rose up and down viciously.

“J-Jeongwoo” Minho never felt more hopeless than he did now. That split second of determination now washing away with Jeongwoo’s pained cries.

“H-hyung” his voice was so small, almost like a whisper as tears fell down his face. “D-Don’t-“

But his last words were drowned out by Jisung yelling at him from the doorway.

“Minho! Look out!” 

It all happened so fast.

He heard Jisung’s shout a second too late and the next thing he felt was a pair of boots hitting him straight on his face. His body rolled violently in the air and he on the other side of the room, crashing into the bars of a cage and feeling the surges of electricity pulsating through his body again. All of his senses were lost to him as the pain took over. He landed with a dull thud, his body unmoving.

»»»»»»»

Chan chewed his bottom lip as he overlooked the scene below him. Agents flooded the entire area, guns at the ready as they ran about trying to evacuate the area. Their group had ditched the van in an attempt to flee before being surrounded, and now stood on the top of a roof nearby. Felix and Seungmin had managed to find them in the chaos and Woojin was off to the side examining Changbin’s wound while the younger boys watched over Innie as he slept nearby.

Chan was left alone to worry as fires erupted down below and more agents filled the streets.

“Dammit Jisung….” He said quietly “Where are you?”

»»»»»»»

Everything in Minho’s world was dark. A never ending tunnel. Slowly he regained his senses and could vaguely hear someone yelling his name. He tried to move but his body screamed at him in protest. His eyes fluttered open and through half opened lids, he could see the outline of someone standing nearby Jeongwoo’s seizing body. He blinked a few times as he regained control of his body more and more and noticed the stranger was wearing black from head to toe, his face fully covered by a black mask and hood. At his sides sat two twin daggers. Minho’s eyes widened as his eyes opened fully and he looked at the man who looked like he was straight out of a video game.

“W-Who are you?!” Minho weakly demanded, struggling to stand up.

But the masked man did not answer him, and chose to just stare down at Minho’s weak attempt to stand up, a near silence filling the air. Minho could still hear the pained wheezes coming from Jeongwoo and realized with horror that this stranger was the threat he had to face. He was here to stop them, and Minho couldn’t let him.

Minho shook off the pain as best as he could and slowly stood up, not taking his eyes off the masked man who in turned continued to look down at Minho’s injured form in silence. The alarm continued to blare, but all Minho could hear was the pounding of his heart in his chest and the blood roaring in his ear. His thoughts were running in circles as he tried to size his new enemy up. Fight someone? Sure! Shoot Agents with guns? Okay?  But nobody said anything about swords! His hand went down to touch the cold steel of his gun. Guns won in sword fights right? His eyes flashed down to the twin daggers that sat on either side of the man’s hips. Even from here he could see the sharpness of them and audibly gulped.

“Go home”

The voice snapped Minho out of his thoughts. Something about his voice took him off guard. Whether it was the dark cold tone he used, or the way it trailed off at the end after he told Minho to go home. Something about it resonated with him but he didn’t know why.

Nor did he have no time to worry about it because suddenly and without warning, the masked figure rushed forward, not waiting for Minho’s answer and hit him with inhuman like speed. For a second time Minho felt a blunt force hit him square underneath his jaw, and he was launched in the air. He gasped out in pain as his back crashed into the wall behind him, bringing some of the dry wall with him as he fell.

“Weak”

The voice was so cold, so emotionless. Minho didn’t like it one bit. He looked up to saw the black figure standing over his own body now. Minho knew he needed to defend himself, he knew it, but the reality of being much weaker than his opponent set his fear into overdrive and Minho began to feel overwhelmed. His body was frozen on the stop as his eyes locked into the black eye holes. He could feel the fear flowing through his veins almost like a drug. He could vaguely hear Jisung yelling at him from afar to fight back but it was useless.

His body refused to move despite his fight or flight instincts and he knew he was in trouble.

Next thing Minho felt were a pair of hands encasing themselves around his neck as the masked man picked him up. He squeezed Minho by his throat as he lifted him in the air. He tried to fight back as his arms began to flail around desperately, the lack of oxygen waking him out of his frozen state. But he couldn’t get a good enough grip on the man’s arm and he knew he was losing oxygen quickly.

“You are too weak.” the voice said again, muffled slightly by the mask. Minho desperately grabbed for anything he could get a grip on but failed as he felt his body giving up.  The blood roared in his ears, and he looked down at the stranger who was strangling him with one arm. He was relentless in his grip, and Minho could feel his eye lids grow heavier as the need for oxygen became too great.  Soon, his desperate attempts to knock himself free of his grip began to cease and he felt his eyelids begin to close, the last bit of light landed on Jeongwoo’s still body.

…

.

…

And then just like that, the pressure on his throat was gone, his body slumping to the floor.

Minho let out a few strangled breaths as he regained his oxygen levels and looked up, letting out an out of breath gasp.

There. Standing in front of him. Clashing weapons against the masked man, was none other than Han Jisung, pushing hard against the man’s daggers.

Minho blinked a few times and realized that Jisung was wearing what he could only describe as brass knuckles on each hand. But unlike the normal gang related weapon, bolts of electricity shot out from their tips. If they weren’t in a life or death situation he would say it was rather cool looking.

“J-Jisung!” he choked out while trying to stand up. But pain shot through his side once again and he fell back on one knee.

“Tch!” he could hear Jisung click his teeth in annoyance while pushing harder against the villain. “What are you doing you idiot?! What did I say? This is out only chance! If he gets his hands on my computer then we won’t be able to save Jeongwoo! Why aren’t you fighting?!”

The two fighters continued to clash their weapons against each other, and Jisung grunted as he pressed back the masked man with one final push. The man stood still as he looked in Jisung’s direction. With a blink of an eye the man quickly sheathed one of his daggers and took fighting stance against the slightly out of breath Jisung. 

“You’re too weak. You won’t win.”

Jisung let out a tired laugh and mirrors his stance, ready to charge. “At least I’m not wearing some stupid Halloween costume in June”

Minho watched as the two fighters stood at a standstill, neither of them moving.

“This place is already a goner” Jisung finally said, his tone calm. “The Order won’t miss one missing Miracle….especially not when they have sentenced the rest to death.”

The masked man flipped his sword around so that it was facing the other way. “I don’t care about the Miracles. Take them all for all I care. But he” he said while pointing his sword back at Minho “I’ve been given strict orders to take him, and I can’t fail.”

“Me?” None of this made any sense Why did they need him? Was it because he was a wanted man? Maybe that was it.

This caught Jisung off guard as well and his eyes flashed behind him towards an unsuspecting Minho “Orders? What were your orders?”

The man nonchalantly shrugged and took up stance again against Jisung, a dangerous stillness radiating off his body “If you manage to beat me, maybe I’ll tell you. But that won’t happen. I’ll kill you and then take your friend here to my boss.”

“Tch” Jisung spat quietly “You aren’t going to do either.”

The Minho stared at Jisung’s back, eyes narrowing in worry. The boy he thought was nothing but a brat was now risking his whole life, credit for himself, but Minho couldn’t help but think it was also for him and Jeongwoo as well. Up until now, Jisung had done nothing but pick fights with him, abet Minho didn’t help their situation either but his first impression of the boy was nothing good.

Now, eyes resting on his back, noticing the strong set of shoulders he carried, Minho couldn’t help but think that there was more to this boy. Something courageous. Something honorable.

His fists tightened.

But that only made it worse.

As if on Que, the masked man rushed forward, dagger poised and ready. But Jisung was ready for him and aimed one of his electrified fists to parry against the incoming dagger with unsuspected force. The masked man stagger back a few steps and Jisung used the opening to aim his other fist towards his stomach. Unfortunately the masked man predicted that and easily dodged it to the side, rushing back at him, this time with both daggers poised. His inhumane speed catching Jisung off guard just enough to where he was unable to dodge and had to meet the daggers head on.

There was a loud screech that echoed throughout the room as Jisung’s electric volts clashed against the hard metal and both fighters seemed to be expending most of their strength as they both panted hard. They were at a standstill, neither giving up. Finally the deadlock was halted when the masked man used one last act of force to push Jisung and monetarily confuse him enough to kick in squarely on his side. Minho watched, frozen, as Jisung’s body was flung off to the side but before he could do anything about it the man came at him again, this time wrapping his arm around Minho’s neck and getting behind him in the process, using his arm to push Minho farther into his chest, choking him in the process. Minho was stunned and he could feel a dagger up against his side.

“Now come with me.”

Minho tried to fight, he did, but his inexperience with this world, and the overall exhaustion was finally setting in, and he could barley manage to push the deadlocked arm away before securing it once again around his throat. His eyes flashed towards Jeongwoo’s still body. He knew the boy was still alive, he could see the faint rise and fall of his chest, but Minho knew he didn’t have much longer.

“J-Jeongwoo” he coughed out.

This seemed to catch the masked man’s attention and he made Minho take a few steps towards the cage, pointing a dagger at the small boy.

“Give up on him. He is a lost cause”

Minho violently shook his head, trying to rip himself free and away from his captor.

“What can you do?” The voice jabbed “You can’t save him. You can’t save anyone!”

The pressure around his body vanished and Minho spun around to see Jisung latch himself on the older man’s side, ripping him off of Minho and off to the side. Now Jisung stood in front of Minho, blood smeared around his mouth from the impacted into the ground. He gave a smirk to the masked man who staggered backwards.

“Don’t sell me out just yet you Halloween freak. He may be a bit useless, but I still have much more fight left in me.”

The masked man stared at Jisung, and even through the mask Minho could tell he was annoyed by Jisung. Once again, Minho felt a dangerous stillness radiate off the strangers body, but this time there was something more menacing to his stance compared to last time.

“Jisung” Minho tried warned, not taking his eyes off the powerful masked stranger.

“Shut up” Jisung spat back, causing Minho flinch. “You get no say here. Not unless you fight ba-“

Jisung was cut off with a grunt in a flash when suddenly the masked man appeared in front of him, almost like teleportation and jabbed a dagger into his stomach.  

Minho’s eyes went wide, his mouth opening to call out the younger name but finding it dry. Jisung, who hadn’t moved yet, slowly looked down at the dagger impaled in his body.

“Jisung!” Minho cried out. 

As if he heard his name, Jisung’s head slightly turned and locked his eyes with Minho’s desperation in his face as if he knew. “Idiot” he breathed quietly. “What are you doing? Protect the computer. Save Jeongwoo.”

Minho was about to respond, but almost as quickly as it had appeared, it was gone as the man pulled it out. That’s when Jisung crumpled to the ground in agony, the pain being too much. But he wouldn’t get a chance to rest because Minho watched with horror was the masked man kicked him when he was down – literally, sending him into the cages nearby. Minho could only watch as Jisung’s blood stained body erupted into sparks of electricity, as his whole body was electrocuted. After a few more painful moments, Jisung’s body peeled itself off from the cage and crumbled to the ground, motionless.

Minho could only stare on frozen stiff as the scene just replayed through his mind over and over again. The masked man seemed to stand back up from where he kicked Jisung and turned towards Minho.

“Now see what you did. He’s dead because of you. Come with me before anyone else kills themselves for you.”

If he was saying something, Minho didn’t seem to hear him, or rather couldn’t. All of his senses were focused on the motionless body that laid on the ground.

He was dead. Somebody good was dead. And not just anyone, but Jisung. Jisung was dead. And it was HIS fault.

 It doesn’t matter if you do not want to be a part of this. The fight is coming. The fight is coming whether you want it or not.

Jisung’s words rang clearly though his mind as he stared wide eyes at the corpse. He was right. I didn’t want this fight. I just wanted to save Jeongwoo and Hyunjae. But now….

He clenched his fist and seethed in anger, his body shaking violently as he continued to star down at Jisung’s lifeless form, blood staining his shirt.

Who was this boy? This boy who would sacrifice everything, his family, his life, for something like him? And who was Minho to use this boy as a human shield? Why couldn’t he be bit braver? A bit more valiant? Why couldn’t he be more like Jisung? Like Felix?….like Hyunjae hyung? He wanted to be. He HAD to be.

Minho’s eyes landed in front of him, where Jisung’s knuckles landed after being flown off from the kick.

He was going to be.

As if the masked man could read Minho’s thoughts, he could see the figure rush towards him, but Minho was faster and managed to grab the knuckles, throwing them on and activating their electric currents just in time to hit the man directly in his neck area.

He stumbled back towards Jisung’s body, coughing up blood as he did so. His hand shot towards the place of impact and stared at Minho as he rubbed the area.

“So now you fight?”

Minho narrowed his eyes, the shock of losing Jisung clearing the fog of fear that had infected his mind. There was something about him, something about his voice that was achingly familiar.  

He stared back, blood dripping down his face as he tried to copy Jisung’s battle stance from before.

“I may be weaker. But that doesn’t mean I can’t try”

This seemed to rouse the man and Minho swore behind the mask, the guy was smiling. He let out an amused huff and copied the battle stance.

“Then fight”

He rushed forward towards Minho, but Minho was quicker. Something about this reminded him of all those times he ran with his hyung and he quickly caught on to the fact that he had speed of his own. Minho ducked out of the daggers way and jabbed a fist forward into the man’s stomach, but missed by a hair when he took a step back and out of the way.

The man utilized Minho’s position and tried kicking him off his feet, but Minho acted quickly and placed a foot behind him, spinning back up and out of the man’s reach. Minho took the opportunity and rushed forward only to see the man vanish in a flash and appear beside him, punching him in his side.

Minho’s eyes widened as he felt the full punch but quickly recovered himself, using his hands to push himself back up, expecting the next wave of attacks.

But it never came.

Minho looked up to see the masked man standing still. He seemed to be observing Minho and Minho thought he could almost see a smile through the mask.

“You certainly are funny.” He almost laughed

Minho narrowed his eyes at this, but before he could ask what he meant his body went back into overdrive, sensing the dangerous aura the man was once again radiating.

“But you as you are now isn’t enough”

Next thing Minho knew was being pushed hard into the ground, a knife on his throat. Minho tried to slip out from under him, but the man pinned him down with his thighs. There was no escape.

Nevertheless. Minho tried.

“Stop Squirming!” he growled.

Minho did not stop.

“For God’s sake Minho, stop squirming or else you’ll open up you wound!”

The concerned tone is his voice made Minho freeze in his spot, as did the masked stranger. Minho looked directly up him, eyes widening.

“Who-“

Before he could finish his question, Minho’s vision of the man above him was interrupted by a large metal pole being hit directly on his face followed by and a rather loud cracking sound. The weight above him vanished and Minho’s eyes locked onto Jisung’s, a metal pole in his hands. 

“I told you” the younger boy heaved in pain “Don’t count me out just yet”

Minho’s body relaxed in relief slightly before tensing up again seeing Jisung’s current state.

He was up. He was alive. But the knife still went into him He was hurt, and badly. Minho shot up, immediately place on the younger, wanting to get a closer look at his face. Jisung looked back at him, a little tired, face sweating from the pain, but he was alive. And Minho felt a great sense of relief at that.

A groan interrupted the two boys, and Minho spun around, standing protectively in front of Jisung as the masked man cradled his head in pain. Slowly the man lowered his hands and Minho let out an audible gasp.

This masked man……...those beautiful brown eyes. Agonizing familiar voice. He most certainly knew who this person was. 

And it shattered what was left of his world. 

“H-Hyunjae…..Hyung?”

Minho’s voice was so small, was as frail, almost like a little child being scolded for the first time. But what else was he supposed to do as he stared down at the person who was most definitely his best friend, dressed up ready to kill.. His best friend that absolutely tried to kill Jisung. His best friend that was supposedly working for The Order. His b-best friend w-who knew about…. Who knew about Jeongwoo….

Minho bottom lip began to tremble.

Don’t cry. Don’t you dare cry.

He was trying to keep it together. He really was.

He looked back up and locked eyes with Hyunjae’s immediately, silent tears rolling down his face.

“H-hyung” he slipped out, voice cracking and eyes begging “….please”

Hyunjae’s eyes tore themselves away from Minho’s, almost in shame. He opened his mouth, as if to say something, but immediately closed it as a banging noise could be heard from the stairs. Hyunjae locked eyes with Minho’s again, but this time they were hard and cold. Something he never once witnessed in his eyes.

“I’m sorry Minho. But I have to do this.” Minho shook his head, this was not his Hyunjae hyung. This was not his….his…..

“No!”

Jisung yell snapped Minho out of his thoughts and realized with horror that Hyunjae now had his gun. His gun which had just now shot through Jisung’s computer, directly through its core, and causing it to shut down.

Hyunjae turned back towards Minho, a flash of guilt crossing his face before vanishing back into his calm facade.

“Good bye” he whispered, before turning back around and vanishing without a trace, leaving Minho with a badly wounded Jisung, and a broken heart. Jisung lurched forward towards his broken computer, his own despair written on his face. After examining it, Minho watched Jisung throw the broken toy in a fit of rage.

“Well?”

Minho winced at how broken and defeated his own voice sounded.

Jisung looked up from where he was on the ground, shaking his head in sorrow.

“I-I’m sorry Minho….. “

No. This couldn’t be happening.

He wasn’t about to lose Jeongwoo too.

He couldn’t lose both of them.

His brain was unable to compute the situation, nor any words for that matter and he just stared at Jisung, tears flowing down freely as the weight of Hyunjae’s betrayal finally hit him.

Hyunjae knew Jeongwoo was a Miracle. Hyunjae knew where they were keeping him. Hyunjae tried to stop Minho from saving Jeongwoo and succeeded.

None of this was supposed to happen. Minho knew that going in. They were going to rescue Jeongwoo and they were going to wait their days at the safe house until Felix found his Hyunjae hyung. Then they would live out their days quietly, but together.

That’s how this was supposed to happen.

He slammed his fists on the ground, falling to his knees. Tears splashed down on his arms and hands as he stayed there.

“No….” he choked out “No…..”

“Go hyung”

Jeongwoo’s voice was still so small, so frail, but rang clear through Minho’s mind. The elder turned to the little boy in his cage. He still was lying down, but his body had stopped shuddering and he was no long coughing up blood. He stared at Minho with a sad, knowing smile and he reach out his hand towards the elder. Minho jerked forward, tears still fresh on his face.

“Y…..you need to go” Jeongwoo continued and Minho found himself shaking his head from side to side violently as if the very idea burned his skin. 

“Not without yo-”

“I’m already gone hyung” he whispered, his words causing Minho to flinch. “Even if you could save me…..I’m already changing...and you can’t stop that” his breathing started heave as another wave was about to hit him “….I don’t…… I can’t.........” sobs now could be heard from the small boy, as he laid on the ground, unable to move. 

“Please Hyung” he cried “...I….I don’t want to live like that…...I don’t want…..I can’t become one of those things… You’ve done enough for me….you’ve always done enough for me……but this time…. Let me go“

Silence filled the room as Jeongwoo turned back to look at the ceiling of his metal prison. Minho stared at him, once again not being able to find the right words to say to him. He was never quite good at that.

“Promise me something hyung”

Minho winced “Anything” he managed to choke out.

Jeongwoo turned his head and looked back at Minho, tears strolling down his face as he gave his elder a wide toothy grin like he used to.

“Stay a family. You and Hyunjae hyung….Grandma Yoo ….live a life worth living….never settle for anything less than a perfect life….. Promise me hyung…..do it…..for me” the last part was cut off as another spasm hit his body.

Once over, fresh blood now coated his mouth and he looked back at Jisung, who now stood over Minho, starring sadly at the broken Jeongwoo.

“T-Take care of my hyung” he coughed out “he doesn’t think very highly of himself and likes to always put the blame on him. H-He needs someone….needs someone to watch over him.”

Jeongwoo’s words shattered Minho’s resolve and he broke down again, sobs racking his chest.

“You have my word.” Jisung’s voice was genuine. “On my life Jeongwoo, I will watch out for him.”

“My Hyunjae hyung too” he added with a warm smile. Minho felt sick to his stomach and he knew Jisung was making a face as well. Jeongwoo must had been so out of it with pain that he didn’t know Hyunjae’s current situation.

“H-Hyunjae too” Jisung lied.

Jeongwoo gave him a toothy grin and turned his head back towards the ceiling. “Thank you. I’m glad I got to make another cool hyung before…..well you know…” he added the last part with a small laugh.

“Jeongwoo…”

“Im not afraid hyung. Of dying I mean….” He clarified “I’ve never been afraid…..I knew I would die one day….so why waste my life being fearful of it?”

Minho let out a muffled cry, rubbing his face free of tears.

“Don’t forget hyung. You still haven’t promised me”

Jeongwoo looked down at Minho, eyes turning into crescent moons as he smiled. “Now promise me. Promise me to live every day like it’s your last. Never settle for anything less than a perfect life.”

Minho stared helpless at the dying boy, his heart both being broken and mended by this little boy words. He nodded once, tears still streaming down his face but his sobs quieting down. This single nod seemed to satisfy Jeongwoo as he gave another toothy grin.

“Good! Then get out of here. You don’t have much time before the building collapses.”

Jisung’s eyes widened slightly and he eyed Jeongwoo curiously. “How do you know about that?”

Jeongwoo let out a quiet chuckle.

“Funny thing about Miracles and their DNA. I guess even if you remove the DNA from our bodies…part of our power still remains within our body. It’s a fraction of it, but our power nonetheless. In my many seizures, I saw it……I saw the building collapsing….I saw how I would die.”

“Precognition” Jisung breathed

Jeongwoo nodded, not looking at either of them.

“Now go!” he suddenly yelled “You don’t have much time!”

Jisung grabbed a hold of Minho’s arms, pulling him up.

“N-No!” he protested “ Jeongwoo….Jewongwoo I still have so much I want to say to you” he cried.

“I know hyung” Jeongwoo smiled sadly at him, pain etched into his own face. “I already know it all.”

Minho couldn’t believe this was happening. He thought back to just last week when the 3 of them, he, Jeongwoo, and Hyunjae were sitting at home, tears in their eyes as they made from of Hyunjae’s cooking. He thought back to that fateful day when he and Hyunjae watched Jeongwoo skip off happily at the thought of seeing his sister again.

Jeongwoo. Hyunjae. Minho.

They were a family. A family not by blood. But by heart.

A now his family was gone….just like that.

“Jeongwoo!” he called as Jisung continued to push him towards the stairs. Memories of their time flashed before his eyes and he took one last turn around and stared at his little brother who was drifting farther and farther from consciousness.

“I love you.”

 »»»»»»»

 The alarm blared throughout the compound as Minho and Jisung made their way back up towards the entrance. The entire building had been already been evacuated minus the other Miracles so no Agents were about to stop them. Minho had Jisung, who was still rather wounded wrap an arm around his neck like he did with Changbin and together they made their way up in silence, the weight of the day finally hitting both of them. Minho’s face was covered in dried up tear stains, the pain of losing both Jeongwoo and Hyunjae in one day being too much for him. He turned and looked down at the live person next to him, unexpectedly grateful for Jisung, for Jisung being alive.

“Thank you….” he said suddenly, breaking the silence. 

Jisung didn’t say anything but glanced upwards at the taller boy in question. Minho sighed and took it as a sign to continue. 

“For saving me. I would have been as good as dead back there if not for you.”

“And I would have been dead myself.” Jisung muttered. When Minho looked down at him he rolled his eyes, turning away and puffing out his cheeks in embarrassment Hyunjae knew exactly where to strike me, and if you weren’t there I would have died from blood loss…..So I guess I should thank you as well.”

Minho smiled softly at the younger boy, a sense of fondness hitting him as he watched the embarrassed boy. But his words reminded Minho of another heartbreak he has yet to deal with…

Hyunjae.

“One more thing” Minho voice was so calm, so cold, that it caught Jisung off guard and he looked up at the older boy in question.

“I know I shouldn’t be asking this” he started “but I will anyways” Minho let out a shaky breath “I’m going to ask that you don’t tell the others about…..about Hyunjae hyung…..” he paused, looking down in shame knowing that this was a lot to ask “I just…...I need to talk to him…..I need to find out for myself…I need to know Why” 

“I’m pretty sure him almost killing us was a clue” Jisung muttered. Minho nodded, his lips quivering knowing the younger was right.

“But…” Jisung continued “I get it…..”

Minho’s head snapped up and he looked towards Jisung, who was staring straight ahead, not looking at him. Feeling his gaze, Jisung turned his face slightly to face back at Minho, his expression sincere 

“I promise”

 »»»»»»»

 »»»»»»»

 »»»»»»»

 The night sky was dark and heavy as rain pounded down on 6 small silhouettes. When they had returned to the top he was amazed to find The Order had gone, but when he asked Chan how that was possible, he was met with quiet faces. Chan had his secrets. 

Woojin and Jeongin had gone back to the hideout with Changbin to get looked at but the rest of them stayed to wait for them. Minho, who had never been real touchy with people outside of Hyunjae grabbed hold of Felix, hugging him as tightly as possible, needing someone to hold him. Felix, slightly caught off guard welcomed it however and hugged back just as tightly.

True to their word, The Order made the building collapse in on itself, and already news outlets were reporting the ’abandoned area’ as a freak cave in, that no one had luckily been hurt.

Of course these were all lies.

But Minho now knew that lies were the only way The Order controlled things. And he could not stand for it. Not anymore.

Now Minho stood still over the pile of rubble that was once The Order’s secret hideout. Felix and Jisung standing at his side, Hyunjin, Seungmin and Chan off nearby. His wet hair clunged to his face and he was soaked to the bone. But he didn’t care. Not anymore. 

Jeongwoo was dead. 

Hyunjae. HIS Hyunjae Hyung was gone……

Just like that. His family was shattered. Never to be together again. Now Minho was left on his own and his own internal struggle. Should he fight? Should he die? What should he do?

He felt his mind race as he stared down at the crumpled building. He was not the same Minho that went down there. He was not the old Minho that avoided. That ran. That hide. That Minho died with Jeongwoo.

And then he thought of Hyunjae. And his betrayal.

He thought of his promise to Jeongwoo as the last of his life breathed out of him.

“Promise me to live every day like it’s your last. Never settle for anything less than a perfect life.”

Minho felt his hands ball up into tiny fists. 

“Chan….” Minho suddenly spoke out, knowing the blonde heard him. “I know you’ve asked me this once before and I turned it down. But-”

He stayed still for a few moments before spinning around and facing the rest of the group, his eyes falling directly onto Chan’s. 

“Let me join your group. Let me be a member of SKZ”

[chimmy-joos]

As Long as You’re With Me Yandere Taehyung |M|

Description: Taehyung just wants you to know how much he loves you and he will do whatever it takes to keep you from leaving him.

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Word count: 4.3k

Tags: smut for miles, degrading name-calling, spanking, bondage, creampies, mind-break, Yandere!Taehyung, you know the good stuff

*inner psychopath comes out* thank you so much for this request I had so much fun writing it! This turned out longer than I expected, but its worth it, isn’t it? :) Anyways enjoy this rubbish if you didn’t notice i have a thing for psychopaths

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You felt his alluring stare shoot daggers into your back as you walk up to the stage to accept your award for Best New Artist. Or perhaps that was the the effect of the 500,000 people in the audience and everyone watching on national television, but it felt like it was only Kim Taehyung and you.

You started dating Taehyung before you debuted as a solo artist. You met through mutual friends at a Korean barbecue restaurant and the two of you immediately clicked. Well, you tell other people that the two of you hit it off right away, but really it was after he had taken you home and fucked your brains out. It was the morning after when he had made you breakfast in bed(an apology for being too rough) when you had actually developed some romantic feelings. An idol with a good looking face, incredible sense of humor, and a beastly libido to match? What more could you ask for?

You accepted the award from the MC and bowed your head to him before turning to the audience and bowing even deeper. This was the first daesang you received with your new album and you could not be more proud of yourself. All your hard work to get you to this point had paid off, but it was too early to take a breath of relief. There was still room for improvement and you weren’t about to slow down now. Still, you held back tears as you peered out to the sea of people in the audience, screaming out your name.

Your speech was filled with words of gratitude, mostly to your fans that voted for you as well as friends and family that had supported you to this point. You didn’t forget to mention your managers and staff that helped you as well.

After the award show was over, all you wanted to do was go home and take a nice, long bubble bath in the hotel room and you were just about ready to leave when you were stopped by a fellow idol friend, Eunwoo.

“Y/N noona! Congratulations! I knew you would win, your album is so amazing!” The young man expressed his praise with a bright smile, like an innocent lamb.

“Thank you, I really appreciate it. Congrats on winning Popular Artist! You guys are really working hard, aren’t you?” Your expression softened and you reached up to pinch his cheeks. The younger idol blushed and lowered his head; his dyed brown fringe fell in front of his eyes.

“Thank you, noona. Well, my members are probably waiting for me. I’ll talk to you later!” He said, bowing to you before leaving. You waved him off with a wide smile and turned around to return to your dressing room where your managers were.

Down the hall was Taehyung, watching you. Watching you with Eunwoo. That bastard. His fists were clenched at his side, hidden underneath the sleeve of his tuxedo. Taehyung followed you as you entered your dressing room before swooping in and sliding in right behind you.

“Y/N,” he called out in his rich voice. You turned around, your gorgeous hair flying through the air like a majestic goddess. Taehyung sighed and felt his heart skip a beat. It was like he fell in love with you all over again every time he looked at you. You were perfect. You were his, only his.

“Hi baby,” your red lips stretched into a toothy smile and you stood on your toes to kiss Taehyung. “You did great today.” You cooed and scrunched your nose at him.

“You did too. You don’t know how badly I wanted to scream when you won.” Taehyung reached around your waist and pulled you closer to him until your chest was pressed against his. If only he could stay like this forever, just centimeters apart from you. He couldn’t bear being any further from you. If only you knew how much Taehyung longed for you. Every morning he wished you could be the first thing he saw when he woke up and every night, it was your voice he wanted to hear wish him a good nights sleep. Well, you do that anyways, but it’s different over the phone. He just needed to feel you.

“Are you coming over tonight?” You tapped your finger over Taehyung’s lips and your eyes settled on them with a hint of suggestiveness. He licked the sides of his mouth.

“Of course, I’ll just let the other guys know and my manager. Wait for me, princess.” He smiled and leaned in, pressing his lips to your ear. “Without any panties, understand?” He whispered and the vibrations of his deep voice made the hair on the back of your neck stand on end.

“Yes sir,” you replied with a meek voice as he pulled away. Your boyfriend smiled almost devilishly and backed away. He dragged his hand along your arm, lingering longer at your small hands.

“I’ll see you soon.” He said and kissed your knuckles before heading out the door. Once the doo closed behind him, his eyes went dark. He looked down to floor so the people passing wouldn’t be intimidated by his icy, murderous glare. He returned back to BTS’s dressing room with his head lowered and entered the room the same way.

“Taehyung! Where have you been? Why haven’t you answered your phone?” Namjoon scolded him. Taehyung glanced up as his eyes slowly brightened.

“Sorry hyung, I went to go see Y/N for a second. You know she just won her first daesang, so I have to congratulate her.” He said and grabbed his jacket off the clothes rack.

“That’s fine and all, but hurry up and grab your things. The managers are waiting for us.” Yoongi said hastily, pulling a black mask over his mouth. Taehyung picked up his Gucci handbag from off the makeup table and turned to Jungkook as he was leaving.

“Hey,” Taehyung called out to get his attention. Jungkook looked up from his phone and moved his large headphones away from his ear. “I’m not going to be home tonight. You can play without me.”

Jungkook groaned and Taehyung literally saw his shoulders drop in disappointment. “Seriously? Hyung, you promised you’d be online tonight! Who else am I going to team up with?” Jungkook whined and Taehyung was having none of it. He brushed past Jungkook and followed the rest of the members back to their van.

“Sorry, my little princess calls for me tonight.” A smirk crept over his face, sinister and almost psychotic. He had a long night ahead of him and you an even longer night. Just thinking about the way Eunwoo spoke to you kindled a burning jealousy inside of Taehyung. Although he shouldn’t be, in any way, jealous because Taehyung knew deep down that you only had eyes for him, he would never allow anyone else’s eyes on you. And likewise, he would never allow your eyes to wander away from him.

Taehyung had to explain his rooted love for you even if that meant by force.

Keys? Check.

Mask? Check.

Ropes? Check.

That was all Taehyung needed tonight. If he truly wanted to go the extra mile, he’d opt for the collar or the vibrators, or even the gag, but that’d be saved for another time. Taehyung expected you to take off on him after learning about his sexual preferences kinks, but you stayed and Taehyung knew you were the one.

Taehyung didn’t have to beg much when asking to borrow the company’s car, perhaps that being because his managers didn’t want to hear anything about Taehyung’s sex life. Taehyung drove to your apartment in record time so he could give you your punishment right away.

As he pulled into the parking lot, he looked up to see the dim light of your lamp through the sheer curtains. Perfect, he thought. Taehyung hummed to himself as he pulled out his bag out of the passenger seat and also while he walked up to your apartment. Knowing you were behind the door waiting patiently for Taehyung—possibly with no bra and definitely no panties like he ordered you to—excited his inner sadist.

He knocked on the door three times before turning the doorknob to find it open. You left it unlocked for him knowing he wouldn’t want to wait for you to come open it. Smart girl, he smirked before waltzing inside the dimmed apartment. Your room was the last room on the right of the hall and he made sure that his creaky footsteps responded throughout the house. As he approached your room, he could hear soft R&B music playing from your Bluetooth speakers.

Taehyung pushed open the door slowly and his eyes flickered to your thin body lying across the silk bed. You wore nothing but a pink babydoll dress and your hair swept over the valley of your back in waves. Something stirred inside of Taehyung upon seeing your nubile body and it only made him want to deliver his punishment even faster.

“You’re finally here,” You hummed and turned over  to face Taehyung. You weren’t wearing a bra, which was even better. Less things to take off which saved time. “What took you so long, baby?”

“I got held up,” he replied and set the bag on the floor with a heavy thud. Your eyes darted to the bag and for a second, Taehyung could’ve sworn your face paled. “I have to talk to you about something.” He said and walked over to you. You swung your legs over the edge of the bed and looked up at him with a sweet smile.

“Yes?” You fluttered your eyelashes, but Taehyung’s blank expression didn’t change. Blank expression? How could he put on such a face when you went out of your way to put on an extra sexy outfit just for him? Something was wrong. You reached up and touched his arm. “Did something happen, baby?”

He slipped his arm away from your touch only to touch your smooth cheek with his other hand. His long fingers caressed your face gently all the way down to your chin where he pinched it.

“On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you love me?” He asked and the sudden question made you raise your brows in surprise.

“What?” You chuckled and grasped Taehyung’s hand. “Honey, love can’t be measured on a scale, it’s a feeling. That’s ridiculous.” You said lightly, but Taehyung didn’t seem to find it funny at all. He continued to stare down at you with those dark, lifeless eyes that didn’t belong on his handsome face.

“I need a number.” He said. You realized that he wasn’t going to let you off the hook without one.

“Fine, a 10. I love you sooo much, Taehyung.” You smiled at him. Those reassuring words chipped at his stony exterior just a bit and you saw the faintness of a smile on his lips.

“You won’t leave me, right?” He asked, he stroked small circles over your chin.

“I won’t.”

“And you won’t talk to other guys? You won’t look at them or be friends with them? Not even Eunwoo?” Taehyung blurted out and you couldn’t even comprehend the first one, much less the absurdity of the rest.

“W-What? What are you talking about?” You asked and he took your face in his hands, squishing your cheeks together until your lips were puckered.

“You have to promise me, Y/N. It’ll only be me—only us, right?” He asked gently, almost overly anticipating your answer.

“Yesh,” you said the best you could with your cheeks pushed together. Relief caved into Taehyung and he sighed audibly in relief. His shoulders fell and you could see the craziness in his eyes diminish right before you.

“Thank god,” he said and kissed you. “Shall we get started?” He asked before peppering you in more kisses on your lips down to our chin. You closed your eyes as Taehyung kissed your neck; he licked a small spot on your warm skin before promptly placing his lips on your nape and sucking. You moaned; the spot grew in heat and spread throughout your body the more he licked.

“B-Baby...” you moaned and squeezed Taehyung’s shoulders—a silent plead for him to do more than just kissing. Taehyung jerked away and you looked up at him with startled eyes.

“Wait, I have something,” He suddenly remembered his toys that he brought with him and rummaged through his bag to retrieve them. Once you saw him pull out the black blindfold and the bright red rope, your heart rate quickened. Either you had done something wrong or Taehyung was just feeling extra adventurous tonight.

“Get on the bed.” Taehyung snapped and his sharp eyes flickered to the bed. You scooted back to the middle of the bed and stretched your legs out in front of you. Taehyung unraveled the rope from its knot with his long, bony fingers which you followed with hungry eyes. Oh, what you wouldn’t do to have those fingers inside of you.

Firmly but with precision and skill, Taehyung swiftly brought your ankles together and looped the rope around them. He tied a knot around it and yanked it a few times to make sure that it was tight, just as he liked it. You kept your eyes on his face because he was the most attractive when he was focused on something. His thick eyebrows were set heavily over his eyes in concentration. He flicked his gaze up to you and you nearly lost your breath underneath his fiery gaze. Definitely the most attractive.

“Turn over,” He reverberated lowly. You turned over and dug your knees into the mattress as your ankles being tied threw your balance off. Already knowing what to come next, you reached behind your back and linked your wrists together to make it easier for Taehyung to wrap the rope around them. He clutched his hand around your hands, holding them together as he tied your wrists together.

Taehyung leaned back to look at his marvelous handiwork. Seeing you tied up like some toy he can’t wish to make a mess of switched something on inside of him. He had to have you. No one else could make him feel this rush of arousal and infatuation. His eyes trailed down your arched spine and the curve of your ass stuck in the air to your glistening slit. He raised his brow.

“Have you been playing with yourself?”

“No sir, you know I never do.” You pouted.

“Really,” He smoothed his hand over your hamstring and smacked your ass with a resounding, hard thump. You choke back a gasp and pushed your weight into your knees while your toes curled in a mixture of excitement and pain. “Then why are you this wet?” Taehyung’s fingers slipped in between your slit and spread your slit to reveal your sipping wet pussy. His mouth pulled into a side smirk.

“J-Just dry humping...” you moaned into the mattress. “I was lonely.”

“Hm,” Taehyung hummed in amusement. “Did you think about me?”

“Yes sir,” you clench your hands into fists and resist the urge to push yourself onto Taehyung’s fingers that were right there. “Everyday, sir. It’s only you.”

Taehyung could never tell you how much his heart swelled when he heard you say that. You belonged to him, only him. Should anyone ever test that or doubt it, he had no problem in showing them—the entire world what you mean to him. Even if that meant putting both of your careers on the line. It was all or nothing for you.

“That’s right, you little slut,” Taehyung snarled and squeezed your ass cheek. “You did well tonight. Waving this ass around in front of thousands of people. Do you like it when people watch you, hmm? You like the idea of men getting hard because of you?” He taunted, giving you another slap on each cheek. It wasn’t even that forced, but Taehyung’s hands were so big that his palm covered your entire cheek.

“I-I do,” you whined. You didn’t, in all honesty. It was nice to know that people liked seeing you dance, but knowing that there were some fans that enjoyed your performances a little too much was something that you tried to not think about. But whatever Taehyung wanted to hear, you’d say it.

“If only they knew what I see every night.” Taehyung purred; his thumbs spread your pussy even more to reveal your small hole. So pretty and pink and looked like the perfect cock sleeve to place his cock in there soon. Your sweet scent numbed his brain and all he wanted to do was eat you up.

You gasped as he slid his wet tongue down your sex. It was ticklish and your pussy clenched. He flicked his tongue against your slit and took your clit in his mouth, sucking it and swirling his tongue over it. You let out your moan into the mattress knowing damn well that it would come out as guttural.

“F-Fuck, Tae... o-ohh baby, that feels so fucking good,” You whined, pushing your ass back into Taehyung’s face as he happily lapped up your juices. Taehyung grabbed your thighs and pulled you closer to him as his tongue moved more aggressively. He focused more so on your clit knowing that it was your most sensitive part. Then, he licked long strips along your pussy and you let out a shuddering moan. Your face fell into the mattress yet again and you drowned your moans into the sheets.

“So sweet,” Taehyung pulled away and licked his lips. He suddenly plunged his finger inside of you and the intrusion sent a new sense of pleasure through your body. Your jaw fell open and you groaned. “Look at you, so tight around my finger. Can’t wait to fuck you with my cock.” He snickered in amusement.

“Oh god, yes!”

“You like that? You want me to fuck you with my cock, baby?” Taehyung teased, twisting his finger inside of you.

“Y-Yes!” You stuttered, already feeling yourself on the brink of an orgasm.

“Yes what?”

“Yes sir, I want you to fuck my tight little pussy with your big fucking cock! Please, sir!” You screamed; your pussy clenched in need for something to wrap around. Taehyung hummed, still digging his finger inside of your pussy and watching your juices drip down your slit. He licked up the thick, sweet juice before it stained your sheets and sucked your clit again.

Taehyung stood up and palmed his erection through his pants, wrapping his hand around his balls. He groaned and licked the corners of his dry mouth. “Spread your legs.” He ordered and you did so, sliding your legs over the sleek sheets and raising your ass in the air. Taehyung slid his pants down and his thick cock sprang up. He stroked it from the base and inhaled sharply. He lined the tip up with your hole and didn’t give you a single warning before sliding his cock all the way inside of you.

You groaned at the stretch and how fucking deep he was reaching inside of you. You could feel him in your guts and every part of you felt so full.

“Fuck! Oh my fucking god—s-so deep!” You moaned—your legs shaking in ecstasy. Taehyung grabbed the rope around your wrists and started slamming his hips into you—the sound of his hips slapping against your ass mixed with your stuttering moans. With each thrust, Taehyung pushed you into the mattress and forced a moan from out of you.

“Agh, fucking hell! You cumming on my dick, baby? God, you’re so tight.” He growled and slammed into you; his balls rubbed your clit as he grinding into your cervix. You gasped and gripped the sheets in pain. Okay, Taehyung was fucking huge and sometimes it was beneficial to you. Most times it felt heavenly, but at times like this when Taehyung had you tied up like a roasted pig and was fucking your brains out from behind without a single thought about you was when it was nearing a border that you weren’t comfortable crossing.

“Ta-Taehyung—oh fuck—slower p-please...” You pleaded in staggering increments; your breath was continuously being knocked out of you. Then, you felt rough hands grab the back of your neck and forced your face into the mattress. Taehyung propped both of his feet on the bed and plunged his cock deeper into you.

“Mm, that’s right. Squeeze my cock, baby. Oh fuck, you feel so tight around my cock, like a little cock sleeve. You like being fucked like a whore?” Taehyung hissed as he inhaled. The feeling of your wet folds wrapping around his cock as he plunged into you was blindingly pleasurable. If he lost focus, he’d cum right inside your pretty pink hole.

“Yes, yes, yes! Fu-uck me, da-addy!” You stuttered our while your body was thrown against the bed wildly. Taehyung grinding into you and you could feel the coiling in your stomach burn and then you were cumming; you buried your face in the mattress and screamed as Taehyung continued to fuck you.

Taehyung paused his forceful thrusts to savor your pussy convulsing around his dick—your walls twitched in pleasure. He could see the edges of your pussy lined with cream that had accumulated over time.

He spread your ass cheeks apart and slowly started to move again. He gauged your sensitivity by your deep moans.

“God, you’re so good. I’ll cum soon baby, just wait.” Taehyung reassured as he picked up his pace. As Taehyung fucked you, the feeling of his thick cock pulling at your pussy gradually made you uncomfortable, but you just had to wait. It wouldn’t be long before Taehyung reached his climax.

“Aggghh fuck! I’m gonna cum!” He exclaimed and buried himself deep inside of you before planting his seed. You felt his cock twitch as his warm cum filled you up. You chewed on your lip and pressed your ass against his hips and have him dick grind deeper into you.

Taehyung pulled out of you and spread your ass to see his thick spunk dribble out of your hole. He slid his fingers into you and pushed the cum back in.

“Keep it in there. You’re going to have my babies and I’m going to keep coming inside until you do.” He smiled too purely as he fingered you.

“Y-Yes sir.” You moaned back. The thought of having Taehyung’s kids sounded amazing, but the fact that your career would be thrown down the drain wasn’t so appealing. Though, you felt the need to agree to everything he said.

Taehyung stood back, marveling at your body sprawled out on the bed, your reddened and abused pussy looked ripe for another round and Taehyung was tempted to dive his cock right back in there. He held his temptation at bay and instead slipped back into his pants. You glanced back.

“Um, babe? Can you untie me now?” You asked in a small voice. Taehyung nearly glared at you with an offended, angry expression that flashed across his face.

“Untie you?” He moved closer. Taehyung presses his knee on the bed in between your legs and pressed down on the small of your back. You yelped in surprise. “Why should I? So you could go and flirt with guys backstage again? So other people could stain your beautiful skin with their filthy hands? Hah, I don’t think so.” He laughed heartlessly. You could feel your heart rate pick up as fear settled in. You squirmed under Taehyung, but his large hands held you down effortlessly.

“T-Taehyung? Baby, untie me. This isn’t the time for jok—ow!” You cried out as your arms cramped from being strained from both from the ropes and Taehyung’s strength.

Taehyung leaned in, pressing his body against yours. You felt his nose brush against your hair and you jumped. His breath felt hot against the back of your ear.

“Jokes? You think I’m fucking joking? The only thing that’s funny is seeing thousands of men across the country crying because their dearest idol is pregnant with someone’s child,” Taehyung ran a hand along your ass and sliding a finger between your wet, cum-filled slit. You whimpered and lowered your head into the mattress. Taehyung reached under and wrapped his hand around your throat, yanking it back up. You gasped sharply until your breath was taken by Taehyung’s vice grip around your neck. “You’re staying in this room until I say you can leave. Understand?” He spat and released his grip.

“What? Taehyung, you can’t be serious! Let me go right now!” You coughed and jerked under him. Taehyung crawled off of you, watching you struggle. You glared at him while gritting your teeth in anger. Had your joints not been restricted by those damned ropes, you would’ve been all over Taehyung. The only thing you could do was tighten your fists into balls.

Little did you know that seeing you so angry only aroused Taehyung even more. He felt his pants tighten around his erection and he glanced down at it. What stood between him and dumping another load of cum inside your pussy or down your throat was the part of Taehyung that cared for your well being.

He just wanted to show how much he loved you.

“Just listen to me and you’ll be fine.” Taehyung reassured calmly, earning another menacing, tear-filled glare from you.

“Are you fucking insane?! Let me go!”

“Baby, you know I can’t do that. You’re safer in here with me.” Taehyung cooed and knelt down so he was eye to eye with you. Your frightened eyes cowered beneath Taehyung’s unwavering, scarily calm gaze. He stroked your hair and you flinched at the contact. “Everything will be alright as long as you’re with me.” Taehyung’s eyes shift into a empty, crazed look--he cups your face in his large hands and smooths his thumbs over your supple cheeks. There’s a strange, unfamiliar urge in Taehyung to press his thumbs into your eyes. The flashing image of your eyeless body with blood running down your cheeks as if they were the tears of a fallen angel sent a shudder through Taehyung’s body. It was tempting, almost.

“I don’t want to hurt you...” his voice shook as he was on the edge of crying. You were well beyond crying at this point. Your sobs went unnoticed at this point and dread started to sink in. He wasn’t going to untie you. You’d be tied up like some sex slave and forced to bear his child. Had it been under any, preferably more romantic circumstances, you’d be swooning over the idea of having Taehyung’s child, but this was different. Your entire world flipped upside down in one night. How many other people can say that?

[theliterateape]

Four Words That Will Change Your Life (and the Internet)

by Don Hall

"If you’re not a liberal when you’re 25, you have no heart. If you’re not a conservative by the time you’re 35, you have no brain."

Churchill did not say this. Attributed to him but completely inconsistent with his own political journey (Conservative at 15 and Liberal at 35) the quote joins a rather long list of quotes he was supposed to have said, but didn't.

To quote the Mandalorian, "This is the way."

As is often the case, who said it is less relevant that what was said. I mean, somebody said it even if they just made it up to falsely attribute to Churchill, right? That somebody had a point and the point is that people change their ideologies with experience. That is true no matter if it were Churchill or the batshit crazy cat lady on the street corner with the tinfoil hat and the shoes made of stuffed animals.

Experience forces perspective. If one is open to that perspective change, this new information allows the ideology to shift one way or the other.

A friend recently told me he thought I had gained a modicum of wisdom in my advancing age. He then stopped and corrected himself "Maybe it's not wisdom but age plus exhaustion. You aren't wiser so much as you are too tired to be the dumbass of your youth." There is some truth to the assessment. I am too tired to fight the same meaningless fights as I was so thirsty for in my younger days. Some of them are no longer relevant; most are just dull in repetition. 

I find myself get ginned up about some thing in the news or online. I start to write about the bigotry of Critical Race Theory or the pernicious grip Trump has on the bizarre amalgam of GOP legislators. I get bored or tired or filled with a sense of futility so I write about something I watched on Netflix or pop out 3,000 words in my draft of the book on working at the casino. The angry piece gets sidelined and I move on to something else.

I've always been a fairly angry guy but anger (usually a response to some other less proactive emotional state like fear or despair) takes a fuck-ton of energy and with age goes the energy. 

Oh, boo-fucking-hoo! When the life expectancy of the human body used to be around thirty years, you made it to fifty-five without too many dents in your fender and now you're bitching about needing more naps?

Not complaining. Just acknowledging the inevitable loss of steam to fuel the pissed-off. The other noticeable difference is that I can see clearly how my mind has been changed on so many things since I was young, dumb, and fulla cum. 

At a time of such stridency and polarization (and let's be honest here, it's almost always been like this—we just have social media to stick it in our faces at nearly every waking hour and we're all fucking addicted to our devices like truck drivers and five-dollar whores) being able to both change your mind but also admit it and move on is quite the sign of either wisdom or age+exhaustion.

Back when I was a giant fatass, if you asked me about hitting the gym, my reaction would be the derision of a true believer in delusional fitness. I was strong(ish) but horribly out of shape and strolling leisurely down the path of late-stage diabetes and heart failure at the ripe age of forty-five.

Out of nothing but vanity, I started working out regularly. I lost eighty pounds (the equivalent of four and a half bowling balls strapped to my frame) and found a sense of Zen that my otherwise lazy rage-boner could drill.

Today, while not one of those wheat-grass drinking, Instagram humping fitness cultists, I think that a bit of exercise could do everyone some good. My mantra is simple: any exercise is better than no exercise. If all you can manage is a single pathetic push-up, do it. One push-up is better than no push-ups.

In terms of a massive change of mind, this single shift is significant in that it has been life-changing. Despite my smoking (years sucking on cigarettes and now more years on pipes) and my waning tolerance for too much alcohol (a coupla beers and a shot pretty much does me in these days) I'd wager I've added at least a few years toward the finish line. 

The change Churchill decidedly did not make note of (but note was made, that can be certain) is a sign of evolution. Not growing gills or something bizarrely nineties as all that but a personal evolving from a stupid twenty year old to a slightly less stupid fifty-five year old. In the grand scheme of things, less stupid may be a low bar to clear but it's at least a goal.

In the 1990's, as with all twenty-two year olds, I thought I had it all under control. I knew the world, saw its hypocrisies, and fully believed I was as put together and confident as a frat boy with a roofie and a Scooby Doo van. I easily dismissed anyone over the age of thirty as a sell-out, anyone past forty as societally obsolete, and couldn't believe that anyone past fifty wasn't walking around asking people who shit their pants.

And, like twenty-two year olds of every decade in every generation, I was a self righteous cunt about it.

In terms of evolving, in experience changing my mind about fundamentals, it took some trudging through certain trenches and seeing the world from multiple angles to shift perspective.

“Do what you love. The money will follow.”

Bullshit. As a younger man I loved this mythological smegma on my chest but it simply isn’t true. The more correct version is “Do what you love because you will lie on your deathbed one day and if you spent your one life doing what you despise so you could buy shit, you’re a fucking moron.”

This epiphany came to me after years of experience because that's how these things go. 

The ability to change one's mind does not come from other people telling you what to do. Sure, instructions are helpful but being told what to believe is almost always a non-starter. This has been true for all time as far as I can tell. 

Two things are at play in today’s marketplace of ideas: the ability to change one’s mind and the desire to demand fealty to competing sets of beliefs. Most people have the skill to take in new information, reflect upon it, and shift perspective. Few are willing to shift perspective taking orders from others.

In the grand scheme of things, less stupid may be a low bar to clear but it's at least a goal.

When Vegas was in the early stages of COVID shutdown, I genuinely believed it was overblown and Chicken Little hysteria. “It’s just like the flu!” I recall saying to guests on the casino floor. I made jokes about licking machines and drinking Purell. Then the information started rolling out as scientists began to truly understand the gravity of the situation.

I changed my mind. I began to take it seriously. I did the reading and paid attention. 

“You said it was just like the flu a week ago!”

“I did. I was wrong.”

Those three words cannot be forced. They cannot be scolded into existence. They cannot be demanded. “What if you’re wrong?” is far less powerful than “What if I’m wrong?”

That’s really the essence of the thing. If more of us asked ourselves that question perhaps the marvel of digital communication would be less populated by wannabe neighborhood watch types vomiting out their putrid opinions on how everyone else is wrong. Maybe—just maybe—we could relax a bit and reflect on our own perspective shifts and engage in society with more grace than an angry, underserved nun with a hard-on for punishing those around her.

When I was in my twenties, I was terrified of homosexuality, I voted for Ronald Reagan, I drank until I blacked out and got into bar fights, I treated sex like it was a prize to win through manipulation. No one shamed me for these ideas. At some point, with experience and at least an ounce or two of self-reflective ability, I asked myself if I was wrong. I was wrong so I changed my mind and thus my behavior.

The goal is to become a better human before your clogged heart shuts down or a bus casually caves in your rib cage. The goal is not to focus on the guy in the Walmart parking lot screaming about the government making him wear a surgical mask to buy cheap macaroni and powdered cheese or the woman pushing the white fragility book on you. The goal is to become better at this life before it ceases to be.

To become better, ask yourself “What if I’m wrong?”

[ry-ra]

Black 17-18 [END]

Holy *bleep* fuck this drama...

It went from having  a suspenseful plot for every episode to a nightmare of an ending.

In episode 17 we see Black trying to puzzle together Kim Joon’s whereabouts. It’s certain the bodies were switched, but by whom? His only choice was to go to Ha Ram’s mother and ask about what Ha Ram’s father was doing that night. She recalls him talking to a doctor, but doesn’t remember much. He goes back to Ha Ram’s apartment (that girl is never there!) and finds her father’s wallet. Inside there’s a clue (It’s like I’m watching Scooby Doo) that points him towards the sketchy doctor.

Apparently he reported his car stolen the night Kim Joon disappeared. He was also asked about a missing corpse, but he feigns ignorance. Coincidentally, Black runs into the runaway reaper and chases him. Black gets run over by the doctor, but Black doesn’t die. Something about being tied to your own body that’s why you can’t leave. In this case it’s his heart.

It took 17 episodes for stupid Ha Ram to see a shadow inside the doctor’s body. 17!!! She had numerous encounters with him and he wasn’t even wearing black! UGH! Black over hears her and confronts the doctor and pushes the reaper out of the body. To his surprise, it’s not the runaway reaper, but the notorious reaper that has eluded the Death Squad for 100 years. Switching between bodies and she tells Black about the night Kim Joon disappeared and that there exists a laptop that belongs to Leo.

He goes back to Mujin to try to piece together what could have happened to Kim Joon’s body. He arrives at Mujin Hospital that has since been abandoned and goes inside. He gets hit by the truth. A horrific truth.

I will detail it below from how it happened to the end as to not backtrack and make this post longer than it is.

Joon goes back home with Moo Gang and his mother for a conference. He uses the opportunity to wish Seung Young a Happy Birthday. He decides to record his birthday message. He did this without knowing it was the rape tape. He put it in his backpack and went to find Seung Young. Moo Gang followed him and they arrive at the scene where Clara was beating her. Fast Forward to them running away, Moo Gang hides from the killer, but is found in time by Ha Ram’s father. He used the yellow pen. Ha Ram’s father is busy talking to Joon as to find out what’s going on (face to face) behind a glass, when Joon is shot in the head by Ha Ram. Yes, you read that right. That woman has been useless since the beginning of this drama. The idiot killed his beloved Joon thinking he was the shadow that was following his dad. She thought if she shot the shadow, it would leave her father alone. How stupid is that??>>>MJzflkero3w A shadow has always been behind the person, never in front and can you explain how the hell he could have been having a conversation with his shadow>>HUHIFIIgriu3!!!!!! I was so furious over this plot I nearly threw my phone against the wall.

Joon leaves the building while Ha Ram’s father finds her on the floor passed out. He stumbles and staggers and reaches a pay phone and calls his step mom, the doctor. She comes to pick him up and tells him to hang on that she will reach the hospital very soon. She receives a call that they found Moo Gang’s body unconscious and he needs a heart transplant. At the beginning of the episode Joon meets Moo Gang in a hospital where he has a weak heart. The mother gets a brilliant idea and kills Joon, who could have lived, since Ha Ram told Black that she didn’t see a shadow on Joon that day. She cuts his heart out. Put him in the doctor’s car (he helped her and they used his car) and pushed him over a cliff. She then took the body of a boy that no one reported missing and ran over him to deform his face and pass him over as Joon. That was so fucked up.

Much of episode 18 I skipped. That was the most boring and meaningless episode ever. The killer that was helping the man running from presidency captured Ha Ram since apparently she had the tape. She hid it in the time capsule since she got jealous that Joon liked another girl. Fast forward the tape is revealed. She later finds out that she killed Joon.

Oh I forgot about Leo. The runaway reaper was hiding inside Leo. Again, useless Ha Ram didn’t see that. She was really useless. Black lets him use Leo’s body. There’s more to Leo’s story (about him overdosing and Moo Gang just staring), but I won’t go into that plot.

Black is in front of Death Squad who punish him, but he seeks the maximum punishment, which he ceases to exist. Ha Ram who found out he killed Joon is standing above the cliff... stop.

About the cliff. Apparently there is a cctv somewhere near that remote area that the cops find and see Moo Gang jumping to his death. I have no clue where and how that cctv could have been stationed for them to find a recording.

OK, she is standing a top of a cliff and jumps off, since she has been pretty much useless the whole drama. But 444 has already received his sentence and everything returned back to the past where Ha Ram’s parent’s didn’t die in the car crash and she grew up to be a normal girl, living an old life.

The old life. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!! THAT WAS THE WORST ENDING EVER TO HAVE HER BE AN OLD FUCKING LADY!!!! Take a page out of Goblin on how to properly execute a reunion. JESUS CHRIST! Leo was with her, also an old Leo and was telling the grand kids about a reaper that loved a human and sacrificed himself for her. STOP. IF everything reverted back, wouldn’t she never have met Leo? Her job wouldn’t even have her cross paths with him? Wouldn’t time have reverted for the reapers as well? Or is she the only one in an alternate universe?

The ending was so stupid. I could understand the mother taking his heart out, but I can’t understand Ha Ram’s way of thinking. Even if she was a kid. All the shadows she saw were behind the person!!!! She was so useless. Really useless. I felt she hindered the story more than she added to it.

I am glad this story is over with since it’s been direct hit after direct hit of plot twists that I feel I lost half my brain cells.

She was told by the blind man about saving someone’s life that could have drastic consequences and decided not to help anyone anymore. But, seriously... can you explain to me how helping Man Ho’s mother could affect the universe negatively? Really, so useless.

Stupid!

[popculturebuffet]

Toons for Our Times: Star Vs: Demoncism

Halloween Havoc BEGINS! And with Tomtober this same month, i’m taking another of my on and off looks at Tom! Tom tries to tackle his literla nd figurative  personal demons the natural way: by having a creepy anti-demon cult that’s never explained suck them out of his body. For some reason Star has a problem with this. We also get Ponyhead in a robe, the wonders of reflectcor and free toys from the toychest for being such a good boy. Face your demons under the cut. 

Welcome boys, ghouls and that bootiful technicolor rainbow inbetween, to halloween havoc! MUAHAHHAHA.  You might be wondering a few things. What the hell that is, isn’t that also the title of a bunch of old wcw pay per views, and have I gone insane. In order it’s usually my catchy term the past two years and this current one for my binging of halloween films and logging and reviewing them on my leterboxd account, but I decided to expand it to here since while it’s not my first halloween on here it’s the first both reviewing animation and planning ahead, I decided why not reuse a good title here.  As for the wcw thing.. well yeah. It’s a great title, neither WWE, who I think still owns the copyright, nor WCW”s Heir Apparent AEW are using it right now despite being one of the best recurring Pay-Per-View titles either promotions had. Maybe not in actualy MATCH QUALITy but that name.. it just sings to me so i’m using it for my weird blog. I’m not making any money of this so why not. And as for my sanity that left a long time ago. So prepare for a month of ghouls, ghosts, goblins, lichs, scooby doo parodies, long forgotten characters, and some suprises and pies of all sizes. THIS... IS....

So to start us off, every year my pal @jess-the-vampire​ does a monthly event known as tomtober, a celebration of all things tom lucitor. And since I started hte tomtropsective for that and still am behind, I figured why not celebrate that, and the fact I can’t draw so I can’t do day 1 as a chat or anything, by continuing the tale of everyone’s faviorite teen demon.  Thankfully unlike last time, or next time wink wonk, there’s not a TON of other plot stuff to fill in. There is one important bit not to this episode but to the series as a whole: Eclipsa is here, since Moon trying to screw her out of the deal she made backried once toffee actually died... as did you know keepiung him alive instead of dealing with eclipsa being free and having the comissoin to back her on it. Nice job moon. Real nice. So yeah Eclipsa’s around.. dosen’t effect this episode but given tom’s involved in two of the biggest plot important episodes in the show, AND one deals with the direct fallout of one of those episodes i’m probably going to have to cover her soon to get to more tom anyway so might as well prepare for that now. 

So yeah this episode’s entreily a straight line from last time and opens picking up on the end of that episode: Star is calling tom wondering when their gonna get that Cornshake. Thankfully she gets an answer. Unthankfully.. it’s from a VERY sweaty ponyhead. 

So that was my own personal hell. Anyways she’s so.. sweaty.. GAHHHHHHH, because she’s keeping a secret and much like me she can’t keep her mouth shut about something she wants to talk about for very long, so we find out what she knows: SHe ran into tom who swore her not to tell Star he was getting a Demoncisim. Which suprises me.. not the demoncism thing the fact Pony would actually listen to anyone else.. Star included. LIke it’s the one thing about this episode that dosen’t quite fit: She’s such a selfish, toxic asshole, though Jenny Slate bless her makes her at least entertaining at times but even she has limits, it just dosen’t track she’d care what Tom thought unless we saw it for ourselves. Pony is ONLY capable of carring about star so while I could see tom framing it as for her own good, it’d be nice if the episode just came out and said that. It’d also be nice if we didn’t get sweaty ponyhead because that’s probably someone’s fetish and I.. OH GOD. 

Okay now i’ve mentally snapped from that revelation, Star lasso’s pony when she tries to escape, and we find out the demoncism is pretty self explanatory: A cermony that removes demons from one’s body.. and given tom is you know, a demon, this could end bad. So with no idea where it’s being held and it going on now, giving them little if any time to figure it out, Star suggests going to pony’s ex.. she dosen’t remember which one and apologizes for how bitchy that sounded, but we find out it’s Seahorse, Pony’s love intrest for the rest of the series and a hardcore emo rocker who even made her a song.. which is just him destroying everything and screaming. Eh i’ve seen people in emowear do far dumber. 

If those are m and m’s their pretzel. Trust me I’m a professional lardass, I know my delcious candy coated choclates. Anyways our dynamic-ish duo head to Seahorse at his job at a relfectcor store, basically a phone store, and is basically a hollowed out shell of a human being with no real personality or free will of his own.. so THAT’S how we got Ted Cruz. Ponyhead natrually breaks down when he dosen’t recognize her at all, which is one of the few time’s i’ve actually cared about her feelings: I mean having your ex just.. forget you exist.. tha’ts rough buddy. I feel bad for her.. I didn’t know she had emotions. I thought her heart and brain were both a black hole.. mostly becasue I thought ponyhead’s hearts and brains were the same organ. Star does however manage to get the map they need to Tom. 

Our heroines find the Demonicsim site and a bunch of creepy guys in robes iwth red glowing eyes.. who are never explained honestly. More on that in a minute. So ponyhead distracts them with one of the greatest  gags in the series history

I mean just.. look at it. The way the robe drapes, the way her nose sticks out much like a certain penguins, the way she decides to distract everyone with petty minute like voting on robes.. it’s fucking great. I may not like pony a LOT but she can be really damn funny> The issues that she often isn’t funny enough to ofset her jackassery. Here though even with my jabs at her.. she works and I like it.  So Star confronts Tom, wondering AGAIN if this is another half assed tactic to win her back.. and her flip flop attitude with tom is starting to annoy me. It fits her personality, and don’t get me wrong as i’ve made abudnatnly clear in past reviews his actions in blood moon ball and ESPECIALLY mr.candle cares were super not okay, so i’ts okay NOT to forget how badly things went last time when your considering getting back together with someone. It’s NOT okay however to hold it over someone’s head forever like any moment their going to snap back into being a manipulative doucheweasel when they’ve left you alone for around 8 months.. and Id id my calcualtion. The timeline of the show is pretty solid up to season 4: Season 1 was star’s 1st semister at echo creek academy, season 2 was her second and as it turned out final one, and season 3 covers Summer , fall and part of next spring. Though again how another summer dosen’t happen until towards the end of season 4 is dumb and I’ll probably rant about that at a later point. Point is since MCC was at the start of season 2, that means it happened around say january or feburary, with Demonicsim probably happening around say march. So he’s left you alone for around 8 months, silver bell ball included. It’s unfair to assume he’s still schemeing when he let you go months ago. H’es made it obvious via his .. everything he’d take you back in an instant, he’s just being patient and not pushing it because he’s no longer as big an asshole, and trying to be respectful. Cut him a break.  Thankfully this gets put down quick with Tom explaning he wants to be better for himself: Like last time he was inspired by her trying to be better herself, and wants to.. but as we’ve established.. he dosen’t know HOW to be nice or a better person. He wasn’t raised in an enviroment that was really condusive to that as nice as his own parents are. Their the exception to the underworld being mostly dicks not the rule, as we’ll see next time. I.. can relate with my own issues with anxiety , depression and, yes, anger. I too have trouble keeping it in and hate feeling bitchy all the time or depressed and just want it to stop. I think anyone with a mental ilness just wants it to STOP to be gone and to be able to live a happy life. But there’s no magic button that fixes your issues, your traumas or your mental health like that. No pill that can fix it just ones that help ease it down to managable. And as i’ve learned the hard way YOU have to work at it, YOU have to make the effort. There’s no easy way out. And while Tom thinks htere is here, it’s very clear it’s a huge risk, and Star’s right that he shoudlnt’ go thorugh with it and that he could seriously hurt himself. But Tom’s in pain and just wants to be happy, to be normal, to be not angry anymore and I gotta tell you if , even if it was risky, there was a way to cure my depression or anger issues or anxiety, not my atuisim tha’ts part of me and not something that needs a fucking cure just more understanding and awarness, but if I could cure those other three things? I would. It’s paart of me sure but it’s a part of me I HATE. So I understand why tom’s doing this even despite the danger: because he’s at his wits end, desperate and this will help he hopes.. it can’t get WORSE, so why not? Evne if he’s wrong here i’ts hard not to understand why he’s so stubborn about it , for me at least.  Star leaves, and takes Ponycloak with her and they go to punch trees: Both to relive and because Pony hates tree. Probably because she went to tree court once and they tried to send her to tree jail. 

I mean she’ll probably get thrown back in there for this but still. Anyways the exerocisim comes. And NOW we can talk about this cult and.. while I understand why they never came back, they were really only necessary for this, I wish they had. I mean a mysterious cult with the power to restrain someone as strong as tom, acess to anti-magic chains the ONLY time we see something like this outside of the comission, and a hatred of demons includign referring to Tom as “Son of the blight” meaning they clearly hate and would destroy Wrathmelor if they could, yet also function as a perfectly legal orginzation the comission or the lucitors themselves haven’t swatted yet. There’s a LOT to unpack here they never did. The leader is also hliarious alteranting between creepy overlord and your dentist after a long apointment as a kid. But the ritual begins and it .. dosen’t go well with tom getting glowy blue lines and thrashing about.. just like me when i watched Ridciulous 6. I also felt my soul was leaving my body but that was just wishful thinking. The cultists run and star runs back to Tom and we get a truly powerful and romantic scene. Unable to free him, Star just.. holds him and is there for him as he goes through this. If she can’t help him she’ll be there for him. And it’s really touching.  We then cut to the hosptial tent at the cult, where the leader goes back to dad mode. Tom feels .. well worse, he just had surgery, as someone who had a tooth yanked out last month I can relate, and is suprised to see only one tiny soul demon as the sum of his anger. But it turns out, NOPE, being you know, the son of a rather powerful demon with a rather pwoerful b loodline, he’s FULL of them, and it woudl take 13 years to do this.. and tom’s naturally bummed because no one wants the equipvlent of having a wisdom tooth pulled a week for over a decade. Also because he now can’t get better.. but Star gently reassures him he’s already on the right track just by wanting to. As I said with most mental issues.. there’s no easy way out but it can get better if you put the work in and tom realizes.. there’s no quick way out after all. Just a long road.. but h’es not alone on it anyomore. But he at least gets a tiny demon in a jar and a toy out of the toychest for being a good boy.. and that’s nto me making shit up that’s the actual episode with him and star taking pinwheels and holding hands to Ponyhead’s annoyance. Which okay yeah they had a bad time last time I get tat Pony.. but your the last person to question ANYONE’S life decisions. Still I wish we’d had ane pisode of pony growing to accept them so we at least know WHY she’s so against it but oh well. 

Final Thoughts: This was a good one. Is it hte best the show’s put out? Probably not as the first part drags slightly but the second half at the demoncisim is just good character stuff, good comedy, and has a good payoff. I honestly like this way more on the second watch.  Though part of that is the context of the time: I admitted to being a starco shipper and having her get back with tom just felt like your standard “put a character in a relationship to complicate the main pairing” bullshit I always hate at this stage. Before anyone relaizes they like each other? Sure but at this point it was clearly just to drag things out. However with Marco getting progressivley worse and the two having good chemsitry.. I grew to like em.. and by the season finale, I just shipped all three together, before pivoting to marco and kelly. This couple grew on me for reasons w’ell geti nto as we go, even if it ended bad for reasons we’ll again get into. Oh we’ll get into them. With a knife. But yeah overall a great episode with a great concept, good character stuff, and some REALLY fucking funny gags. The show is damn good at comedy and I forget it sometimes. Next time we look at Tom, he’ll be in the background as Marco tries to help Kelly with a breakup. And sometime this month we’ll be looking at the halloween special which i’ll be watching for the very first time! So stay tuned, stay safe and Happy Halloween. 

[lattetimes]

So How About Them New Episodes, Ammirite Ladies??

here’s what i thought of the new episodes via live reactions as i watching them!

overall, it was kinda underwhelming but there were parts that i really did like! and if you liked these episodes, that’s awesome!

MAYOR DEWEY WINS

was this title a reference to the movie/book John Dies at the End, cause if so then i’m shocked i caught that

apparently it is, would you look at that. btw i kinda liked the movie.

damn, Sadie took this hard. and Steven never told Lars’ parents. so i guess Sadie has to do that herself.

why tf does Steven care if Dewey wins?!

OH, IT’S BECAUSE HE DON’T WANT SHIT TO CHANGE AND HE THINKS HAVING A NEW MAYOR WOULD BE BAD WTF DEWEY DOES NOTHING

ok wow, there’s only 24 people in Beach City and he never noticed that Lars was gone!?

“is that why the donut shop was closed?”

“we’ll hire a new donut boy!” DEWEY. DUDE. ARE YOU FOR REAL?!

“high school mayor” lmao

how did he run unopposed for 10 years!?

LARS’ MOM KEEPS A SHITTON OF TOMATOES IN HER PURSE SHE READY TO THROW DOWN ALL THE TIME

i don’t like that Steven is so adamant on Dewey winning.

jesus, Steven, let Nanefua win. she’s obviously the better person for the job

“i’m done pointing my finger at you, and now i direct all my fingers on both my hands to the citizens” top 10 anime deaths

NANEFUA WINS, OH MY GOD YES

STEVEN, DUDE, REALLY?! LEAVE CONNIE ALONE!

“i don’t know what you’re talking about, but i need to get a new job” 2018 mood tbh

episode rating: 2 tomatoes out of 5. i can’t stand Steven in this episode at all. but hey, NANEFUA WON!!!!!!

RAISING THE BARN

....was Lapis’ main concern that Steven dropped his phone on Homeworld? not the fact that he was... idk... ON HOMEWORLD?!

ok Lapis is ready to bail immediately and tbh i dont blame her

did she just uproot the entire bard wtf?! 

BARN THE DIAMONDS, BARN THE DIAMONDS, BARN THE DIAMONDS!

episode rating: 1.5 barns out of 5. BARN THE DIAMONDS, BARN THE DIAMONDS, BARN THE DIAMONDS!

GEMCATION

^ mfw Amethyst basically spat an egg out her mouth (it was kinda gross)

well. Greg got some kinda house.... still don’t get why the crew is so against having Greg get a house

also, where’s Peridot?

“remove all shoes before entering” Pearl fucking THROWS A RANDOM ASS PAIR OF SHOES

OKAY PEARL SCREAMING “PARTY GUY, NO!” WAS ACTUALLY KINDA FUNNY

S H O W M E P A R T Y G U Y Y O U C O W A R D S

“Steven, you should join me. become a raisin” ok Garnet

did. did Steven completely cut Garnet off as she was talking about Pink Diamond and the Gem War with the whole, “yeah, yeah, i get it, Mom. i already heard this story” kinda thing? B R U H that ain’t okay

AND GARNET JUST SHUTS UP AND WAS LIKE “good, you understand”

PEARL WAS GONNA STRAIGHT UP ADMIT TO SOME HUGE THING AFTER HER “THERE ARE THINGS THAT ARE IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO EXPLAIN” LINE AND HE CUTS HER OFF WITH “CONNIE HATES ME”

WHY COULDN’T STEVEN AT LEAST TELL THESE FOUR THAT HE WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT CONNIE HATING HIM?!

I’M KINDA GETTING SICK OF SEEING STEVEN MOPE LIKE THIS FOR 3 EPISODES STRAIGHT AND I HOPE HE DOESN’T KEEP THIS UP FOR THE NEXT 2

OH NO, PLEASE DISREGARD ALL OF THE MESSED UP THINGS YOU SAW ON HOMEWORLD CAUSE CONNIE IS (rightfully) UPSET WITH YOU. LARS D I E D.

GUITAR DAD SAVES THE DAY

i love Greg Universe

how would you not notice if you aren’t getting any service on your phone? your phone tells you when you’re getting service or not

bruh you almost made your dad drive off a cliff for you to get phone service

Greg Universe is a ride or die kinda guy

this ending shot is cute, i’ll give you that. 

episode rating: 2 party guys out of 5. Party Guy should’ve bitten Steven’s phone and his shit attitude. also PEARL WTF ARE YOU TELL US ALREADY

BACK TO THE KINDERGARTEN

Connie i miss you

“of the three things i have to do in the sink now, this is the one i least mind you seeing” B R U H

 Peridot listens to country music, this is disgusting

HOLY SHIT AMETHYST IS TOSSIN’ PERIDOT AROUND LIKE SHE WEIGHS NOTHING AND I’M CRACKING UP

“can i bring my music?” “NO.” damn Amethyst you already threw Peri around like she ain’t nothin’, let her bring her music if it’ll help her

aaaay, they’re in the train again!

dang, Peri really loved the barn.

i kinda like that Amethyst is going around trying to figure out which member of the Famethyst came out of which part of the Kindergarten. kinda cute. 

so everything is seriously determined by the nutrition, right down to the style of a Gem’s hair? ...huh. iron deposits determine hair styles.

damn, Peri went with a sucker punch to the gut with her little speech about how Kindergartens kill off life and are just “lifeless husks” once all the Gems are done being formed. and Amethyst feels awful about it, dang.

ok. there’s a flower growin’ in the Kindergarten, and that should technically be impossible due to all of the nutrients in this one area being used up. this could be interesting.

ok, so now the trio is gonna farm & see what happens. ok, ok, i can roll with this i guess.

FARMING MONTAGE

look at them flowers

they proud

don’t make Peri live here

why the flamingo thingy taller than both of them

gods i didn’t need to see Steven happily showering

they’re talking about how the flowers are probs gonna look beautiful i bet they all died, they’re too positive about this. $5 them flowers are dead.

them flowers are dead,

...now they’re arguing, cause Peri blew up on them. alright. this ain’t good.

aaaaaaaaaaaand Peri crushed the original flower that grew here. both Steven & Amethyst made pained whimpers. ok. this ain’t good.

oh it’s a Gem creature- haven’t seen one of those in a while!

IT ATE PERIDOT HOLY FUCK

SMOKEY QUARTZ IS BACK

ngl i like Smokey’s theme music

btw there’s no dialogue from Smokey, just a quick 2 second thing

Peri doesn’t reform with a star on her

ok, that was kinda cute. and having a technician that also likes gardening is cute too

episode rating: 3.5 dead sunflowers outta 5. it was an okay episode & i did like it. 

SADIE KILLER

heh, i get it. cause lady killer.

oh god, that looks bad

WHY IS THAT MOP SO BIG

instead of reading off a long-ass list to the overly worked employee, just hand Sadie the list so she won’t fuck up?

“and a coffee. hold the coffee.” same tbh

oh. he’s in a band with the Cool Kids. WE GET TO SEE THE COOL KIDS!

“...i hope he [Lars] is safe and all, but working all these shifts by myself has been a huge drag” GIRL, LARS DIED IN SPACE AND IS STILL THERE

Steven stealing all the napkins is something i’d do tbh

man, i love the Cool Kids

is my girl Jenny rockin’ the bass? aaaaaaaaaaay!

Sour Cream, what the HECK IS RAP-A-BILLY?

“Doo-doo. Butt. The government corrupts” Buck is the voice of this generation

welcome to EB Games

they... they admitted to following her home from work....

“doo-doo. i think i broke your bed” Buck wtf

also, i guess them watching all of Sadie’s horror movies gave them inspiration to do that weird donut-brain-eating song. weird.

“we are the working dead, and we lurch for minimum wage” same Sadie

......ok, she’s freaking everyone out. and they look uncomfortable. Sadie, seriously stop. they’re concerned.

...she. put lipstick on her eyes.

see, if she wasn’t freakin’ everyone out with this, i’d say this song is a bop. 

ok they’re fine now & thought it was lit ok cool cool cool. i ain’t a big fan of the lyrics tbh, but i do like the song.

 “aww, doo-doo”

ok so Steven’s askin’ for advice on how to write horror-themed songs from Sadie. how about LARS DIED ON HOMEWORLD

SADIE’S ADVICE IS:

LOSE YOUR LIFE TO A BORING JOB

LOSE THE ONE PERSON YOU WERE CLOSE TO

LOSE YOUR MIND WORKIN A TON OF SHIFTS

GIRL FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

Steven puttin’ Sadie on blast, good lord he just sang an accidental roast tryin’ to sing shit like she does

HE STOLE ALL THE NAPKINS AGAIN

“you can’t help being cute no more than i can help being cool” Buck, you’re a blessing

“yoooooo, what if this is all a dream?” Buck, wtf?

oh. Sadie’s goin’ with them. okay. 

OH. SHE QUIT HER JOB. UM. OKAY?

episode rating: 3 funky riffs out of 5. Buck Dewey is great.

KEVIN PARTY

I DO NOT WANT TO WATCH THIS EPISODE, BUT IMMA DO IT ANYWAY

DIDN’T EVEN START THE EPISODE AND I STILL FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE

let’s just get this over with...

why’d Steven wait this long to track down Lion?!

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh, here he is......

gods, i still hate him

stop being gross to kids, leave Steven and Connie alone ya freak

at least he knows they use they/them pronouns. 

how did he find out where Connie is? doesn’t she live far away from Beach City? did he track down these two kids just to “invite” Stevonnie?!

“no one turns down an invitation to a Kevin party” i sure as fuck would

lmao Kevin has an old phone

“your name’s Steven? weird, i thought your name was Clarence” OI, DON’T INSULT CLARENCE LIKE THAT

rude, Steven brought snacks and ya just toss ‘em into the void?

ok. he’s creepily obsessed with Stevonnie cause apparently they make parties and shit like that hella fun. um. stop? being obsessed with kids??

WTF WHY IS LION AT THE PARTY

Connie actually showed up. and had Lion the entire time. that’s. super fucked up. Lion is the ONLY way to get to Lars directly!

and also, there’s TWO KIDS AT A PARTY WITH OLDER PEOPLE?! NO ONE BUT DERRICK QUESTIONS THIS?

Kevin’s gonna try to get them to talk to each other... so they can form Stevonnie... so his party won’t suck...

also, he keeps calling them 7-year-olds........ siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh, ok Kevin.

KEVIN YOU IDIOT LET THEM TALK TO EACH OTHER SO HE CAN SAY SORRY DON’T GIVE HIM YOUR “COOL GUY” BULLSHIT

“i need those old people to whisper my name when they die” tbh goals

“who’s Sabina?” Kevin got all red in the face and almost lost his cool

so Kevin’s gonna try to make Steven look like he’s moved on from Connie or some shit. this won’t end well.

NO, NOT DERRICK’S JACKET

now we get a montage of 2 kids being uncomfortable surrounded by older people at a party they should’t be at, ok.

at least Connie looks cute. and she got a haircut! so cute!

NOT CUTE NOT CUTE NOT CUTE

GOD, I HATE KEVIN

Steven, what are you doing?

STEVEN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

ok, quick recap cause i didn’t mention this: Kevin thought Steven & Connie were dating, so, Connie only went to the party to see if Steven’s okay and if they could talk. Steven decided to follow Kevin’s advice for some reason, and Connie thinks Steve’s new BFF is Kevin, and Kevin has no concept of what friends are.

so. Connie didn’t text Steven cause she preferred talking face to face about this, and that texting him wasn’t good enough to work out these issues. very fair point. still don’t get why you legit stole Lion from him, but the not texting back thing makes complete sense.

ok, she rode Lion to his house while Steven, Greg & the Gems were away (the episode Gemcation). and that’s when she bumped into Kevin and got the invite. ok. now Kevin is slightly less creepy, but still disgusting nonetheless.

oh, yay! they’re talking it out! and Steven isn’t disregarding Connie’s anger!

yay! they’re friends again!

don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie.

LMAO GET FUCKED, KEVIN, THEY AIN’T FORMIN’ STEVONNIE

episode rating: 1 Lion out of 5. least fave episode, tbh. but hey, we got Connie back!

[pkmntrainergreyze]

The Emo School (Chapter 1)

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Chapter 1: An Emo Box of Misery with Pastel Pink Ecstasy

I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.

-Paul McCartney

09/12/01

Finishing up my plate, well, I couldn’t lie about a few scraps of mixed vegetables on it, the boys decided it’ll be fun to move out of the uncomfortable chairs. I couldn’t escape or not recoil from Ryan’s glares. I know what’s up with him, and the dirty look he’s giving is giving me the creeps. He makes me shiver down my spine and I swear one glare from this long legged man makes me want to stop everything I do- heck, if he was some soldier I’d be doing push-ups right now. (oh hallelujah he isn’t)

“Geez, I just couldn’t finish eating carrots right now Ryro. Is that so big of a problem?” He scoffed before lending me his hoodie. As weird as it sounds I need his dang cologne, it smells pretty darn good, but as much as possible I wouldn’t smell the hoodie in front of him and would rather wear it since it’s d*mn cold for me recently. He seemed to crunch the paper bag once he stared at the floor, as if some cockroach crawled nearby under the shade of the table.

Wait, is there?

“…Ryan, is there-”

“Yes, you spilt my milk in my f*cking man purse B-den”

Oh crap

“Congratulations”

He gave me the Tyrone tone of voice. The same blank yet forcefully enthusiastic voice you hear from the man that often wears a business outfit and a tie.

Where’s the escape Trainer button when you need it?

His face… I couldn’t see it under his brushed locks of hair. I’m not sure whether to look or not to look, either way it’ll probably just result to a really bad, salty ending. Sounds like something you see on Walmart eh? Bittersweet I guess? I am not so sure.

Oh F- the bell rang. It’s really torturous to hear it every single day of the week, especially the inescapable Mondays we have here at school, technically, everybody’s school.

Dallon grabbed his bag and left quickly, even faster than Spencer was when he ran over a advert pole drunk, remind to tell you that story sometime, just not today. Dallon’s a pretty straight guy, he’s like this dad who would be so overprotective of his children- or his students in the real world perspective, but when you think of the other side of that trait, he’s making fucking Dad jokes that my own Dad wouldn’t say. My Dad probably has a better sense of humor than Dallon- Dadlon, whatever.

And honestly speaking, he’s probably trying to avoid making any conversation with us, since we’re kind of talking sweet sweet cocaine.

Ahh yes, I’m about to walk back to the same tracks juniors walk to. I’ll probably receive about ten hearty smiles on my way there. Bet you ten bucks.

Alright, I finally forced my feet to walk and leave the table. Reaching for the end of the cafeteria…

Mrs Jackson smiled. One- wait, that doesn’t count as a junior? She looks nasty tho? Fine, stop judging my poor taste alright?

Passing by Ms Fletcher- okay, one. Her small smile is cleary not that visible. She’s the same child writing poems and speech-y crap for the principal to get quote on quote “extra credit” when in reality she’s serving weeks of detention, constant, but hey, she plays the best d*mn pranks in this school, okay, maybe third bestest.

I still played the “Place-posters-with-Pete’s-phone-number-with-the-tag-’call single males now!’” Prank

Walking around Spencer… Taking a glanc- two.

Oh, I forgot…. Whatever, Spencer looks like a kindergarten anyways so either way no points for me.

Spencer waltzed back to 9AM1 aww.

With how much students doesn’t rush to class after the bell rings, it wouldn’t let me reach that sweet sweet bar of full-on-smiles. Fine, future students, I owe you all ten bucks… only if you’re admit to our holy sacred school though.

Ha! I sound like Principal Wentz.

Profit-oriented mindset over one hundred babe.

I just entered the horrifying classroom of 8AM3. Welcome back to the real world my friends. As soon as I pretty much had my presence in the room students came to class. I heard a lot of talk ‘bout me being the coolest, chillest, most laid-back teacher here in the Junior buildings so I guess I have no competition or complaints.

I can already see the small group of students which I have known to be quite shy. They have my music class after Patrick’s theory crap that I don’t really pay that much attention to.

Mr Flowers just nodded along the conversation he’s having while Mr Bowie kept talking about this junior that idolizes him despite walking down outside the halls of my class. They sure have forgotten that I’m not closing the Godd*mn door before the class have their attendance.

My habitual scoff just came by so casually that students think of it as some form of comic relief. I don’t really know how to explain to these lil demons that it’s an attitude problem.

To think that Patrick’s just on my class, 8AM3, right now, teaching them how Do and Re sounds good together makes me feel better on how I’m actually giving the world- 9AM1 rather, a favor for consuming their time studying with my existence. That’s a joke, Patrick’s probably having fun right now.

Well, it looks like it’s about time.

I looked out the window in the similar fashion the students did as well.

Tick tock tick tock.

“What time is it?” Oh god, that voice crack though. I can hear the punks in this class snickering at it.

“Just struck nine” There goes my sunshine haired buddy cham pal.

“Is the cat at home?”

“He’s about to dine”

It’s Josh, this happened yesterday as well, and the day before. He’s teaching that “cat and mouse” game with the students; this time it’s 8AM2, not 8AM1.

Did I already explained to you why I call classes by numbers?

Well, because the real names sucks. No kidding, it’s so overused.

Who would name their classroom “Grade Eight Morning Glory?”, seriously? I want my class to be “Grade Eight Mary Jane”

Has that kind of ring to it, amiright?

Up until now I wonder why on earth Patrick and Frank likes their class names. I mean- those names are decades old. “Grade Ten Patience” seems plain, don’t tell Frank that.

“Sir do we have an assessment today?” Molly asked from the back with her hand stretched higher than Tyler’s current mood. I nodded as they all groaned. Laughing out of- well, sadism I guess? I had the projector connected to the PC and had it on freeze.

There the students saw my desktop wallpaper of a class picture me and the 8AM3 informally had, plus Patrick, Dallon and Spencer. Spencer truthfully looked out of place in this picture, it looks like he had a date with Aubrey Hepburn. Meanwhile Dallon stood there like he’s telling everyone his birthday is today- but he doesn’t have to lie that it’s on May 4th and that he just turned seven. Patrick’s just there, signature fedora on and a small peace sign.

Let’s not forget my entire class though. We have Frank Gioia and Eva in the front with Frank’s hands on her waist as her eyeliner-ed eyes shone against the color black. The Fro power and his friend glasses just stood there with awkward check poses that seems to go back somewhere deep and hidden in the past. Melanie and Ashley just stood there with no expression, except for the other student beside them, which is Jon, who’s doing the same peace sign Patrick’s been keeping up. The rest is can be explained stereotypical-ly; the emo, the shy artist, the jock, it’s just a fun variety to look at.

“Is that cous’?” I saw him pointing at the one with a black hoodie from the corner of my eye.

“Yep, that’s definitely your cousin Adam”

“They all look happy as heck”

“Sir can we take this sort of picture later?”

Another batch of noise.

Anyways, before my brain shuts down to “teaching mode” looks like I have to get back to this thinking normally crap later. Honestly the author just got no idea how American schools work so let her skip this part dotdootdoot. (let’s just say rep-emo isn’t an American Author (badum tsk))

●———————–●

Finally; the end of the day. Organizing my stuff after drinking my cold caffeine that was left in the canteen at break, I finally had my temporary freedom I shall redeem before my world domination.

Speaking about possible world domination if either me or Patrick does it we’ll both have things planned out but procrastinate later on.

Blowing my students a playful kiss when the bell rang I waltz to the exit first, even so I can still hear their laughs and joyful cheers.

Then I saw something- rather, someone I wish I could just avoid for the week.

Christian Tyler Joseph

My feet practically swooshed and I’m pretty sure my sole—and also my soul—said “nope, not today”. I swear, I’m an atheist but I prayed at that very moment. You know that tense feeling those cliché video game main character does when he or she feels the villain’s presence or just something freaky in the ceiling happens? If you’re thinking you are imaging those overused gulp noises that’s actually real, very real.

Yeah, feeling it.

“Oy! Brendo-”

“I’ll pay my debt later Troye!” Thank God I cut him off before he diss me in front of the students.

“For the last time Fivehead it’s Tyler!”

I know. Dude, we’ve been working together for years now and yet you seem dense about it, maybe that’s just because I always act stupid, don’t let that fool you, I am stupid.

Honestly, that poor guy is so easy to tease. If it wasn’t for my distracting use of ’T’-names I would have had a small—small as Tyler could get—fight. I heard a huff from behind my back that obviously came from Tyler himself, yes, I’m stubborn.

●———————–●

A sigh sadly escaped my lips as I flipped to peak into my students’ Assessment grades.

From Ashbridge to Zoroa; all were sorts of disappointment. Even those who got perfect seems fake to me. If Ryan didn’t left me to go somewhere with Spencer he would have said the grades are as fake as diamonds that looks like broken glass.

I’m so unhappy right now. Never thought I’d use that word.

That all changed when I heard the door slid and also a student did the same but in a more humane manner.

          Enter Ashley the student.

She’s that special student who’s quite popular, inside and outside school grounds. She’s literally a celebrity. She seems to get away each time she dyes her hair unlike another student of mine that goes by the name “crybaby”.

Guess who’s her advisor?

Yeah, that’s obviously me, anyone who said “Dallon” deserves a spank… or a slap, that’s just kinky.

“Hey there Mister Urie”

“Hello to you too Ashley, what’s up?”

Unlike other schools, we’re all practically informal here; teachers and students are pretty much close buds that we don’t even have some guidance counselor, I don’t know if that is a flaw or not… I guess Meagan is a counselor, but that’s just Pete’s wife. Going back to Ashley she’s the only girl in my class—well aside from Melanie—that calls me Mister Urie all the time, but that’s probably due to respect, which is quite neat unlike some students.

“I have milk and cookies here, Melanie wanted to give this out and um… She also asked me to give you this note…”

Yeah, that’s Melanie, no one exactly trusts her, except for Tyler and Hal- I mean Ashley I guess.

“Cool, just place it one of the chairs thanks”

She nodded- before I rudely interrupted when the thought rushed back deep inside my skull.

“Wait, what’s written?”

“Umm… It says; Do you like my cookies? They’re made just for you, a little bit of sugar and… lots of poison too” She seems to hesitate on reading it and I have no doubts on why she is.

Honestly, this is one of those times I wish I could pacify her.

I couldn’t blame her actions, she’s been through a lot- like, a whole looot, as edgy as the book written by Pete when he was young (we fortunately got to read it in his office, don’t tell anyone) she has been kidnapped, rough family, drugged and other things I wouldn’t go deeper.

She’s pretty odd, but really a pretty nice person at the same time. It’s like the half dyes of her hair. She, Frank, Eva, Jon, Mikey, Ray and Richie would talk to me all day and I feel comfortable with them.

I honestly like crazy people like her. She doesn’t mind me doing crappy things and she empathize with me, it’s nice to have someone like that ya know?

Hallelujah, I have such great students and yet I’m a sh*tty teacher. I wonder what type of cookies are in there-

F*ck, that pink pastel box looks creepy as Teletub-

I need some breather.

“Hey Ashley can you pass me the coc-”

Oh wait f*ck

She doesn’t know that yet

Oh god that sounds wrong. No I’m not gay shut up… What are you talking about me and Ryan are just friends. No, not even Dallon, shut up. Denial what the- okay I’m done talking to y'all, I’ll tell you about my past with Ryan later, m'kay? Yes I’ll talk about Dallon later too but now you f*cks are just distracting me.

Anyways, she doesn’t know I do cocaine.

“Uhh… what?”

Sh*t, you guys make me sound so bad. Thinking about it, I am the only one to blame if she did knew.

Think Brendon! Think!

WHY AM I IMAGINING SCENES FROM HANGOVER RIGHT NOW?! IT’S STILL 2001.

“Pass me the…. baby powder from the back of the second row shelf thanks”

“Okay… what does it look like there’s a bunch of jars here Mister Urie!” Yelling a bit for me to hear, I felt a drop of sweat coming from my distracting forehead.

“Uhh…. It’s in one of those straight shoote- I mean flower designs in it”

She raised a small glass tube with some flower designs in it. She raised her eyebrow a bit like it’s already questioning me.

I mean, why would someone smoldering with appeal like me would buy flowers? I had enough with people questioning my sexuality so I’m not having that again.

“This one?” She held the love roses tube and shook it. I hope she didn’t suspect me for anything if so then I hope that I ain’t kissing Pete’s *ss for this. Thank past me for buying filtered one and not the transparent, but that’s too early for me to say so.

“Yeah, bring it here. Thanks” She threw it to me and I caught it, fortunately.

“Why would you have it in a flower case?”

Haha…

“I have no containers left, is all”

She nodded once more “I’m pretty sure Principal Wentz would allow ya to use one of the containers in the science room, I mean you’re close to Mister Iero as well right?”

Haha… riiight. I’m pretty sure Mister Wentz or Iero wouldn’t

“Yeah, thanks for the idea and the cookies, tell Melanie the same”

“Yeah, you’re welcome Mister Urie”

●———————–●

“BRENDON!”

That’s Dallon, once more in all his glory. He never seems to stay calm after his week of teaching in this school. His hair looks like his wife quiffed it- whatever people call that hairstyle, maybe I should say hair mess.

“What?” As you can tell, I’m tired as well so long and goodnight Dal, I need some shut eye. This is the same man who almost fell asleep while teaching the opium war, quite surprising that he can be this tense.

“YOU CAN’T DO DRUGS IF THEY CAUGHT YOU YOU’RE IN BIG TROUBLE-”

“SHH!”

Yeah! I would be if you continued yelling.

“Shut up Dallon” I closed the door behind me only to here Dallon handling the doorknob back open.

“Brendon, it’s not healthy”

What is he gonna say? Cardiac arrest? Lung problems? Yeah, I know the side effect don’t worry about it, stimulation has always been a part of me even though I try so hard to deny it. I try to stop each time though so I don’t have to hear this right now.

(Author just searched the side effects of cocaine so this may not be exact, author is not a doctor, author’s life sucks)

“Uhuh”

“No I’m serious! My friend used to do drugs as well and he-”

Oh no. I’m having this talk again am I?

Rolling my eyes back to a distant land called “Nopeland”. I could only hear incoherent sounds of a failed attempt to get me to change my decisions in life. I only found the polychromatic color that matches the walls once more when my eyes landed back to my table.

Smirk.

Grab.

Flick.

“W-cou-hat the h-heck Brendon that’s childish eew is that baby powder or powdered milk? Disgusting”

Nah, that’s coke, have fun cleaning your uniform for tomorrow morning kiddo.

And then- with just one swish and flick- I magically landed back to happy land. Maybe it’s the side effect of cocaine, may or may not be but whatever, I’d like to think that it is for the moment. It’s nice to see someone’s first encounter with coke, if I were to be Van Gogh I’d be painting this view of Dadlon trying to remove the white stains from his crotch right now.

Looks like I have something to write on my Journal huh?

Let’s be real though dear hopefully-future-students; my dairy is a lot more cooler than the Diary Of A Wimpy kid? No? Yeah you’re right, my life sucks. If this were a subject you all would have had all my assessments perfect even on your first day.

I don’t know whether you should take that as a compliment or that states you’re slowly becoming trash- well no, technically all you little eyes are my treasure so don’t go living in the dumps.

“Brendon please help me remove this stuff”

“No thanks”

“Beeeebooo”

“Not this again Dallon”

This is some sick technique in which Dallon uses the nickname “Beebo” to get me to do something. No, I’m not telling you “why Beebo?”.

Fine.

It all started when me and Patrick were teaching the seniors for a bit since Andy couldn’t come due to a winter storm at his place. We were at Patrick’s small enthusiastic explanation about a simple concept when someone boldly called me “Beebo” and it just stucked.

Groaning in the same manner the students of 9AM1 from earlier, I grabbed my handerchief and started rubbing the surface of his sweater that he probably bought last week.

“I hate you”

“Love you too Beebs, now continue helping me will you?”

Geez, I do have a lot to write down today.

Oh crap, he didn’t bought this last week; it says “Grade 10 Hibiscus” so it’s most probably hand made for him from his last advisory class. He got this last Christmas. Crap, I ruined his greatest gift. I am so sorry Dallon. Best not to tell this and the Ashley incident to anyone.

●———————–●

My eyes wondered about when I saw the box Ashley left in the corner.

That pink box…

I swear, I don’t have any idea on what to do with these cookies, they actually smell and look delicious. I guess I’ll never know huh?

“Hey Mister Urie is Richie’s detention over? He asked me to go shopping in Hot Topic today that’s why I’m asking” The next person to ever slide in after class today is Frank Gioia. The emotional kid who doesn’t seem to mind what everyone thinks, he’s a cool dude I swear.

“Oh, he’d be up by no-”

About the box….

As bright as the ideas Gerard drew in his sketchpad (which is full of strange looking people by the way, especially that all white violin girl), my eyes fluttered at the sudden thought that occured.

“Hey Frank?”

“Yeah?” He tilted his head to peak in a bit more. He doesn’t seem to be fazed at the fact I avoided answering his question.

“Want some cookies?”

Silence.

He stared at me for a bit, then back to the box I was supposedly reaching out for him to taste. His eyebrow raised at the sight of it.

“Isn’t that Melanie’s?”

Oh, he knew, that was some fail.

Lie or not to lie?

Nah, lying is pretty much fun if you’re a girl.

“Yeah, Melanie gave it to me earlier”

“Yeah saw it too”

Then another batch of awkward silence followed as we stared at each other, eyes locked with such confusion present on both sides.

“Sure… I’ll take one”

He came closer and took a bite of the chocolate chipped cookies from the forsaken box. He seems delighted somehow.

Well.

Looks like I have a new box to place my ecstasy.

●———————–●

I bumped into Ryan earlier.

He gave me this blank look before leaving me in the halls. He seemed to be carrying another paper bag; two packs of cheese whiz I presume. He didn’t seem to mind me whenever I snoop into his bags, although this time was an exception.

       ⏭️The theater in Brendon’s mind⏮️

Ryan: *looking at his paper bag*

Fab Brendon: What’s that *about to reach into the bag*

Ryan: *Slaps hand*

Ryan: Y o u  a r e  n o t  m y  f r i e n d

Exit Ryan.

⏯️

Trust me, give him a few more days and the two of us we’ll be okay, he wouldn’t exchange our friendship over cheese whiz….

I wonder if he thinks the same about me and Frank Sinatra, if so tell him I’d choose the latter.

●———————–●

On my way home I saw Ray and Mikey talking about Gerard and his small sketchpad they saw behind the bush in which he probably left it.

“How did it end up there in the first place?” They looked as confused as I am, Ray just raised his lips a bit higher to look like he’s pensive for an answer.

“He’s Mister Way after all, he can get like this, right Moikey?”

“Mikey Ray, It’s Mikey. Yes, he does act as irresponsible at times”

Sometimes I wonder if that face shows sadness, disappointment, anger or just plain nothing. It’s a pokerface no one could ever break, not even that time Joe played around with Frank’s chemistry set, I mean, mixing Mountain Dew and chunks of Doritos was funny and all, and Gerard’s reporting skills on that scene made the class laugh even more.

I sure do love this school’s innocent scenes.

Wait I’m going too far, back to Mikey.

“Anyways, do you know where your brother is at the moment?”

He shook his head in reply but Ray nodded it with excitement.

“Yeah he said he’s going to binge watch Star Wars in the cinema”

Mikey’s face dropped a bit before going back to normal. That action probably meant sadness… right?

“He forgot to drive me back home, whatever I’ll just walk”

“I’ll come with you don’t worry, we’re practically neighbors”

“no we’re not”

“shush”

I know that I laughed at that small conversation but I still feel the small strange vibe Mikey’s been radiating, unlike Gerard he would have punched me in the face if he was at the scene and tell me to “stay the *beep* away from my sketchpad!”

Was that beep necessary?

“Do you want me to call Gerard?”

“No, it’s okay Mister Urie”

I shrugged as he denied my random act of kindness, ouch.

“Whatever kiddos, get home safely okay?” “Yes Mister Urie” “Oh, and bring your brother’s sketchpad, he doesn’t want it in my hands”

Mikey raised an eyebrow “Don’t you wanna see what’s inside?”

I mean, it could be anything edge-shock-y so I wouldn’t dare open it.

“N-nah, rather not”

Mikey just nodded and fetched for the sketchpad in my hands.

Then I walked back home, just like they did.

God, I’m stopping drugs. Things like this are more stimulating…. and stressful