#no contest bruh

[strawberrylemonchai]

the inanimate socks stay ON during the finale 🗣🗣🗣🔥🔥🗣🔥🗣🔥🗣🔥🗣🗣🗣🗣🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[idkwhatimdoingbutslay]

Now you’re just being irritating for fun bruh

[sweetiepootato]

Thanks for asking, I'm not

You can use this link if you wanna get roasted too

[clock-corpse]

"Oh my. We're at the final round already? I suppose it cannot last forever. I look forward to seeing just what my opponent has prepared for the finals."

[non-happymeal]

My contest submission for Smil3y. I procrastinated so hard on this ngl. This prolly was one of my longest projects. (7 hours)

[slightlycomicobsessed]

i'm sorry contest of champions II but she would NOT say that

[weeblmaodotcom]

Bruh, Shino lost a popularity contest to a tadpole , Meme by Weeblmao.com

[bbyjackie]

𝐒𝐎𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋𝐒 𝐀𝐒 𝐀𝐂𝐄'𝐒 𝐆𝐅 — ♡

one piece social media + dating pt.2 feat: ace

♡ liked by chef.thatch, marco_o and 11.4k others

_ynln: mad he lost a handstand contest to some kid 🥱🥱

tagged: ace

ace: tell me how i got rated a 6/10 and that rat of a human got 9/10 🫤

↳ marco_o: you definitely got bullied as a kid with that attitude (liked by chef.thatch, _ynln, yamatoto)

↳ _ynln: MARCO JWVFIJBVFQO 😭😭

↳ ace: just letting you guys know, i wasn't bullied. i was the bully 💪💪

↳ izou.u: that does NOT make it any better

↳ saaaa_bo: why are you proud of that, all you did was bully luffy

↳ ace: now i'm not saying i stand with bullying but.. ☝️

↳ yamatoto: BUT WHAT???

p1rateking_luffy: Hehe Ace remember when we used to have handstand contests and Makino was the judge! 😁

↳ _ynln: omg that sounds adorable

↳ ace: yeah and you would fall on your head

↳ ace: makes sense why you're so stupid

↳ p1rateking_luffy: what does that mean

↳ ace: see what i'm saying

↳ saaaa_bo: you're literally the last person that can say anything

♡ liked by nicorobin, p1rateking_luffy and 9.6k others

_ynln: girls don’t want no scrubs!

[music: No Scrubs - TLC ♫]

tagged: lovenami, nicorobin

nicorobin: had so much fun with you 💗

↳ _ynln: I MISS U ALREADY

ace: YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL I CAN'T STOP LOOKING AT THESE PHOTOS 😍😍❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥💝💞💕❣️❣️

ace: I AM NOT A SCRUB GIVE ME A CHANCE!

↳ _ynln: stop i have a boyfriend

↳ ace: screw him, i'll fight your boyfriend

↳ _ynln: he'll mess u up

↳ ace: HE PROBABLY STINKS

↳ _ynln: yeah he does LMFAOO (liked by saaaa_bo, marco_o)

↳ ace: 😐😐

ace: PLEASE ONE CHANCE PLEASE 😩😩

↳ _ynln: YOURE SO ANNOYING 😭😭

lovenami: WHEN CAN WE HANG OUT AGAIN

↳ lovenami: I MISS MY HUSTLE PARTNER ALREADY

♡ liked by iampops, sh444nks and 13.1k others

_ynln: i want to be that dog so bad

tagged: ace

marco_o: holy shit i've never been jealous of a dog

↳ ace: dw u can kiss me anytime 😘

↳ marco_o: bruh no i meant i want to sock you in the face

sh444nks: HAHAHA this is so good

↳ _ynln: omg i made it in life, redhair shanks commented on my post????!

↳ iampops: Yn I comment too

izou.u: first photo made my day, thanks yn

↳ yamatoto: real!!1!

p1rateking_luffy: AHAHHAHAH THIS IS SO FUNNY HAHAHHA

saaaa_bo: this photo is free therapy

ace: WOW THIS COMMENT SECTION MADE ME REALISE ALL MY FRIENDS ARE FAKES

↳ yamatoto: so glad ur self aware!!

↳ _ynln: love u i swear!

↳ ace: u r full of shit

↳ _ynln:❣️

♡ liked by saaaa_bo, iampops and 18.4k others

ace: my pookie dookie 💩 💗

tagged: _ynln

_ynln: words can't explain how much i hate that caption

↳ ace: my sweet white mocha frappuccino with two pumps vanilla, chocolate drizzle and one scoop of java chips

↳ _ynln: omg wow i was so close to pressing the block button

_ynln: rare photo of ace w a shirt on ‼️

saaaa_bo: @_ynln blink twice if u need help

iampops: W photo 💪

↳ ace: POPS WHAT

↳ marco_o: WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT

↳ iampops: Big slay ☝️☝️

↳ iampops: Yn no cap 🚫

↳ izou.u: someone literally needs to come get their grandpa 😭

↳ _ynln: pops using colloquial language needs to be protected in a museum (liked by ace)

p1rateking_luffy: Yummy food 😋😋

[harunayuuka2060]

MC: I was in a singing contest at Royal Swords Academy.

MC: And guess what? I won first place.

Ace, Deuce, and Epel: Whoa!

Vil: Congrats, Potato. What did you sing?

MC: The Cuppy Cake song.

Ace, Deuce, Epel, and Vil: ...

Ace: Bruh- You embarrassed yourself like that?

[mono-dontidae]

random hc's

c/w: they're either stupid or weird. mostly brainrotted. i made this half past 2 in the morning so it's not proofread.

a/n: im taking a bit of a break from angst to write this cause i can't keep being depressing 🥀

pairing(s): bokuto, hanamaki, nishinoya, lev, suna, matsukawa, atsumu, akaashi x !gn reader

bokuto

- type of guy who has burping contests out in public and loses

- he'd swoop in to kiss your cheek but trick you into letting him lick you instead

- randomly recites brainrot while doing a simple task (ex: *washing the dishes* "..tung tung tung.. sahur.....")

hanamaki

- "are you deaduzz 🥀" while making the most obscure and soul-grippen shocked face ever

- istead of complimenting you like a normal person, he'd hit the 👅 emote like crazy

- his ringtone is unity by thefatrat

nishinoya

- would dutch oven you, no hesitation

- if you asked him if he did something he wasn't supposed to do he'd go, "whaaat? that's crazy, my 6'7 self would never do such a thing!"

- if he'd fake calling in sick to class, he'd have some fuckass reason (ex: "absent. reason: has ligma.")

lev

- he laughed super hard one time and farted on accident and proceeded to hit the choking emote out of embarrassment

- type of guy to say 'ow' at anything whether it hurt or not

- if he has cold hands, he'd place them under your shirt and onto your waist to giggle at you when you shriek

suna

- everytime he compliments you, he'd talk to an invisible camera (ex: "chat, was that W rizz?" "chat, don't clip that" "chat, was i nonchalant about it?" "complimenting the huzz at [insert time] challenge, gone right")

- ragebaits kids on roblox

- used to make sad bart simpsons edits back in the day

matsukawa

- "oh, so you hate me?" when you say no

- randomly breaks out into song when he feels like it no matter what (ex: *3 mins in having a conversation* "ain't itttt fuuuuunnnn~?" *continues like nothing happened)

- would annoy you on purpose when he's losing an argument by repeating what you said in a nerdy voice (ex: "[insert sentence] headahh 🤓🤣")

atsumu

- would post about how he hates periods & his collection of feminist literature

- corny tryhard insta captions like, "got me feeling myself like i lost my keys" "call me inertia cos i got dat motion"

- tells osamu "dont pmo" "bruh youre so kevin 💔" "ts so buns" when osamu can't serve for shit

akaashi

- would tell you a random fact and wait for you to go, "really?" just to tell you "no lmao"

- type of guy to type "🧯" to guys who type "🔥" in your insta comments whenever you post smth

- wears a weezer shirt in public

gurt: yo

[izzih22]

I looooved the characterization in the last one like Paige being the golden retriever and whipped for Azzi. Can u write some more moments like those plus Paige just doing whatever Azzi says and the team making fun of her for it/getting annoyed.

like maybe they are doing a competition of sorts and Azzi makes Paige help her and everyone else is like bruh that’s so unfair idk😭❤️

So Whipped

Note: I would be too…

It started with a relay race.

Geno was feeling chaotic, so he split the team into groups of three for a series of “team-building” competitions at practice. First up? Full-court relays. Second? Shooting contests. Third? A mystery round, which Geno ominously described as “painful but character-building.”

The girls were hyped. The vibe was competitive. Trash talk was flying.

And then there was Paige.

Who immediately looked at Azzi and went, “Wanna be on my team?”

Azzi, tying her shoes, didn’t even look up. “Sure.”

It was casual. But everyone noticed the way Paige smiled like she’d just been handed a marriage proposal.

“Of course you picked Azzi,” KK said, rolling her eyes.

“She picked me,” Paige replied defensively. “It was mutual.”

“Yeah, because you follow her around like a loyal golden retriever,” Aubrey teased. “She could tell you to sit and you’d be like, ‘Yes ma’am.’”

“I would not,” Paige said.

Then she turned to Azzi.

“…Would I?”

Azzi smirked. “You definitely would.”

⸻

By the second relay round, it became painfully obvious that Paige was carrying their team and somehow still letting Azzi lead.

“Yo, Paige literally slowed down so Azzi could hand off the ball first,” Ice muttered.

“She’s so whipped,” KK added. “It’s embarrassing.”

Paige jogged by and flashed a proud thumbs-up.

“I heard that, and I don’t care!”

⸻

Next up: shooting contest.

Paige made every shot except the final three-pointer — which she passed up to Azzi. Who missed.

“She had a better angle!” Paige defended, even though literally no one had said anything yet.

Jana facepalmed. “You’re not even pretending to be objective anymore.”

“Let her live,” Ash said, laughing. “She’s in love.”

“Dangerously in love,” Ayanna added, shaking her head. “Like Beyoncé-level.”

⸻

And then came the final round.

Obstacle course. Blindfolded.

Each blindfolded player had a partner guiding them with only verbal directions.

Azzi, naturally, picked Paige to be blindfolded.

“Oh no,” Ice muttered. “She’s gonna walk her off a cliff and Paige’ll say ‘thank you.’”

“I won’t,” Paige said, putting on the blindfold. “I trust her.”

Azzi smirked, voice soft and dangerously sweet. “A little to the left, babe.”

Paige immediately veered into a cone.

“I SAID LEFT.”

“My left or your left?!”

The gym lost it.

⸻

They finished dead last. But Paige looked thrilled.

Azzi pulled off the blindfold and kissed her on the cheek.

“Thanks for trusting me.”

Paige beamed. “I’d walk into traffic for you.”

“Okay, that’s not healthy,” Jana yelled from across the gym. “You guys need couples therapy or something.”

Azzi just smiled and laced their fingers together.

“She’s fine.”

⸻

After practice, the team gathered around stretching mats, still talking about Paige’s golden retriever energy.

“Do you have any dignity left?” Aubrey asked, genuinely curious.

Paige, flat on her back next to Azzi, lifted her hand in the air without opening her eyes. “She’s holding it.”

Azzi took her hand and kissed her knuckles.

“Damn right I am.”

Everyone groaned.

⸻

Later that night, in the privacy of their dorm, Paige looked up from her laptop.

“Hey, be honest. Am I really that whipped?”

Azzi didn’t look up from her book. “You just did my laundry, brought me a drink, and let me win at Uno.”

“…Okay. But in my defense—”

“You love me.”

Paige melted instantly. “Yeah. I really do.”

Azzi leaned over and kissed her temple. “Golden retriever looks good on you.”

Paige smiled. “Arf.”

“Paaaige.”

[perryelornitorrinco]

Who would win a milk chugging contest?

Okay the single braincell I have sparked and I thought about something.

The whole Chain is too competitive so what if they all battle against eachother to prove the rest who likes milk the most BUT not only by chugging milk but with a milk league >:). So I shared the braincell with Wild and he will be deciding the different challenges to prove the biggest milk enjoyer.

Also I think Wind or Sky wouldn't know what is a cow or that cow milk was a thing (at least Wind probably knows about coconut milk), but neither does Hyrule, living in a cave is tough bruh. Maybe they can try a round as a trio and the best of them goes with one of the pairs, that way a league would work!

Next chapter

SO, FIRST MILK ROUND. A little hint I’ll give you is “corn maze”. Now time to guess: >:·3

Also I'll do like a little comic/drawing for each round of course hehe so please be patient with me if I'm slow 🥺😭

[stinkysam]

Choi Subong “Thanos” - Two hearts.

Warning : drugs

Genre : fluff / angst ?

Synopsis : one sided love

Reader : male (he/yours)

A/N : bold is in English // I guess my requests are open for more Thanos x male reader // idk if it’s good so…*toss and run* // Pt.2 ONE HEART

Thanos is used to being rejected, he flirts around a lot and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. He isn’t bothered by it and moves on fast if he manages to ditch the person.

But lately things had been a bit different as he took a liking in you, a guy who he used to go to school with.

You had lost each other after he left school while you continued with your studies and as you saw him on your TV screen a few years later in a rap contest you recognized him immediately. So you sent him a message, hoping he hadn’t deleted your number since the last time you spoke.

[Name]>“Dude ! Purple hair ?”

[Subong]>“🤙🏻 yea”

[Subong]>“Holy shit [Name] how do you know ???”

[Name]>“You were on TV ? Duh”

[Name]>“Do you have more where I can listen ?

[Name]>“What was your stage name again ? Thanos ?”

[Subong]>“Yeah yeah yeah !!!”

[Subong]>“That’s me ! [link] here’s all my music, bro”

[Subong]>“So you liked my rap ?”

[Name]>“It was 🗣️fine as fuck ‼️🗣️”

[Subong]>“I fucking know !!!”

And since that exchange, you two had talked more and even hung out, soon seeing each other every day. So it was inevitable, getting feelings for you, really.

You hadn’t changed much since your school days, you supported him, always messaging him each time he appeared on TV. You liked to spend time with him and laugh with him, both watching MG coin’s videos though you preferred to stay away from crypto money. He found you handsome, especially when you imitated his rap, trying to have a deeper voice like him.

But as a rising rapper, Thanos knew there were limits not to cross, though he liked to play with them for the rap show. But after losing in said show, he thought ‘what the hell’ and decided to ask you out anyway.

So when you told him you preferred staying friends instead, he was a bit taken aback, not expecting this answer.

“Friends ?” He looked around, thinking, before looking back at you with a smile. “Sure.” He could just ditch you to move on, losing you before you could become too important.

Except he didn’t.

Maybe you were already more important than what he had imagined.

And also because you were… stubborn.

[Name]> “Dear T, I said you 🫵 were my friend, so you 🫵 are gonna stay my friend. Not ❌ a stranger that don’t wave 👋 at me when we see each other in the streets 😡🙅‍♂️ I know where you live 📍🏠 Do not ❌ block me.” You had sent him after parting ways.

He instantly turned around to see if you were still here before replying to your text.

[Subong]>“How did you know I was gonna ditch you ?”

[Name]>“Bruh I know your ass 🖕 you’ve always done that to girls at school lol”

[Subong]>“Bro 💘 that’s why I love you 💕🫶🏻🍆”

[Name]>“😘 or whatever.”

So instead of leaving you alone, he’s by your side, making a couple bars about you, making you laugh because it’s either corny or pretty smart but most of the time it’s corny.

He doesn’t care that you don’t see him the same way he sees you, maybe if he tries hard enough it will work.

And while waiting for it, he gets to hear your pretty laugh.

Since he was on TV and did a few concerts, Thanos gained a fanbase, which meant people could recognize him in the streets.

And each time they asked for a selfie with him, Thanos asked you to join them.

“No way.” You replied, amused.

“Come on !” He held his hand out, making signs for you to get in the frame. “It’s fucking hilarious !” He added, losing patience.

“No. Take the damn photo and let the poor boy go, T.”

Thanos groaned before grabbing you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders to make sure you stay close and then posed.

“Take it, take the photo.”

“Yes.” The fan replied, quickly taking the picture of you three with you making the most awkward smile you could muster.

Later, at his place Thanos found the picture as he was identified on it on instagram.

“Look ! It’s hilarious. Your face is so cute !” He squeezed your cheeks before leaving a like on the photo. You stared at him confused, cute ?

“He didn’t even tag you ! It’s so funny, admit it !”

“Why would he tag me ? I’m just some random guy to him !”

“You know, Thanos, the rapper, me, and uh… Thanos’ friend I think ? No, I don't know his name.” He said, trying to imitate the guy’s voice telling his friends about the picture.

“Okay, it’s a bit funny.”

“We have to stick to it.” He nodded, sounding serious.

“No. We don’t.” You grabbed the pillow and hit the back of his head. He threw it back at you.

“Oh come on ! I want you to be like the cryptic guy that’s always there but no one knows who’s that.”

You looked at him, actually seduced by his idea.

“Okay but make sure to never use the same name when addressing me if you address me.”

“Got it, man.” He clicked his tongue, giving you a thumbs up.

Thanos has never asked you if you wanted to try his pills, though he had to admit he did want to see you high at least once. But he never mentioned them, only occasionally taking one in front of you.

So one day you got curious and asked for a pill while you walked to a restaurant. You weren’t particularly serious.

"No.” He had replied, placing both hands on your shoulders. “Don’t want you to get addicted.” He looked so serious it took you off guard, making you laugh.

“I won’t, it’s just once.” You argued back.

“I love you, remember ? I don’t want you to end up like me.”

“Okay…”

“I have shit teeth.” He added, giving no context.

“Huh ?”

“Because of it. Don’t believe me ? Do I have to show you ?” His hold on you tightened.

“No, no ! I trust you. Whatever, I was just asking.”

“Good.” He finally let go of you, glad he had managed to change your mind and feeling a bit warm about your words. You trusted him.

“Can we move on ?”

“Are you going to ask again ?”

“Nope !” You replied, making a pinky promise gesture. “Can we keep walking ? I’m hungry for fried mandu.” You grimaced, pulling on his arm as you began to walk again.

“Ah ! Can you not say I have bad teeth though ?” He quickly added, following you.

You turned around, looking at him, raising an eyebrow. You understood he was somewhat self-conscious about them if he asked that.

“You’re the one who spoke-”

“Please.”

“T, I’m not a dentist. Did you ever hear me speak about someone’s teeth ?” You deadpanned before turning back around to look in front of you.

“So you don’t care if I have bad teeth ?”

“Why would I care ?” You looked at him again before stopping. “Ah. Actually I care, I’m a bit worried about your health dude. You should stop with this shit.” You said, a hint of worry in your voice.

It was his turn to raise an eyebrow at you, though he felt nicely touched.

“You just asked me for one.” He pointed out.

“It’s different !”

“No it isn’t !”

“Yes it is ! Can we keep walking ? I'm literally hungry as shit !”

You’ll often have Thanos’ hands on your shoulders as he walks with you, his fingers squeezing you gently or an arm wrapped around them. He thinks that if he’s being charming his feelings will be returned.

So he opens doors for you.

Well, some of them because he forgets to do so a lot of times. And he also asks to pay anytime you eat together, but you know he struggles with money, already having a big debt, so you always fight him on who’s going to pay.

“I pay.” He said, wiping his mouth covered in sauce, raising his hand to call for someone.

“Subong !” You said loudly, slapping your hand dramatically on the table, gaining the attention of the people around. He looked at you with wide eyes, surprised you used his real name. “I refuse.” You added calmly now with a small smile.

He raised his hand again, slowly.

“Excuse me. I’d like to pay.” He said to a waiter not far. You let out a sigh that turned into a loud frustrated groan.

“Hey, T, I’m serious, do not pay.” You warned, leaning on the table. As the waiter arrived, you both glared at each other. But you handed him your credit card quicker, Thanos was still struggling to give him the exact amount with his money.

“It’s- it’s okay, sir- I have your friend’s card.” The waiter said, trying to stop Thanos from counting.

“No !”

“Yeah.” You blew him a kiss with a wink before thanking the waiter as he walked away with your card.

“You fucking little shit !”

“Now, now, it’s not how to talk to someone you love.” You said, batting your eyelashes seductively. He scoffed, throwing his paper towel at you.

“Fuck you.” He replied, a small smile on his lips, making you laugh.

He likes to share thoughts but not only. Like an umbrella.

He’s not the kind of guy to have one on himself, not even at his place. You don’t either and he knows that.

So when he sees some abandoned and dry cardboard, he will use it to protect you two from the rain. Or sometimes he will steal an umbrella at the entrance of some store and abandon it at another one.

“Do you want to hold it with me ?” He wiggled his eyebrows, looking at you with insistence.

“Nah, my hands are good in my pockets.”

He doesn’t take it as a loss, you’re wearing his gloves anyway.

Speaking of, sharing clothes can often happen as well.

Winters in Korea means snow and cold temperatures, you know that. But you often get cold anyway. It’s not that you underdress for the weather, but you always buy clothes that are too thin, overestimating their warmth.

“Ahh fuck, I’m fucking cold !” You sighed, shaking, before letting out a small frustrated scream. You rubbed your hands together, trying to warm yourself up.

“Here, take my jacket.” He replied immediately, taking it off with his beanie, trying to look cool.

“Go away, T.” You laughed, pushing his jacket away. “You’ll get sick and be a bitch about it.”

“No way ! Put this on, then !” He forced his hat on your head, making you groan. “Wait.” He added, rushing inside before coming back with a big scarf, wrapping it around your neck.

“You’re like my granny sometimes.” You snorted, readjusting his beanie and the scarf.

“Maybe I am, her spirit entered my body. Mhm !” He said, hitting his heart with his fist twice before raising it in the air to pay his respects, but before he could do it you stopped him, grabbing his hand.

“She isn’t dead, dumbass.” You snickered.

He just shrugged, letting his fingers caress yours as you released his hand.

You wanted to say something about it, to ask him to stop it with the lingering touches, but decided against it, not wanting to twist the knife.

You know it’s not because he’s cheery around you that he doesn’t feel sick at times about not being able to love you properly.

“Ah, I really love you.” He said, laying on his side, next to you while you were focused on playing Tears of the Kingdom on the switch you had brought.

“How do you want me to respond to that ?” You replied, your tone a bit too serious, though it didn’t seem to bother him.

“With ‘Oh I love you so much !’” He said enthusiastically, pulling you against him, planting a kiss on your cheek.

You chuckled, pushing him away with your elbow.

“I do love you. But not… the same way you do.”

He looked at you, silent, before laying on his back, staring at his ceiling. You hit pause and turned to him.

“Sorry.” You said and he hummed. “Do you want me to leave ?”

“No. Just pass me the switch.” He held his hand out, waiting for you to give it to him.

“Ehh, so greedy, it hasn’t even been 15 minutes yet.” You huffed, passing it to him anyway while giving him a fake nasty look. “You better kill those hands. Giving me the heebie jeebies.”

“I love you.” He repeated, the tip of his fingers against yours on the switch. You just stared at him apologetically, before patting his head gently.

“I know.”

“I’ll kill all of them for you.” He said, determined.

“Mh, apparently there’s other enemies after the hands. Like gloom Ganon I think.”

“I know. I’m running away right now.”

You snorted, watching as his Link tried to run with close to zero stamina.

“Yeah, do that.” You smiled, patting his shoulder.

“But I will kill them all, for my Zelda.” He said, looking at you, wiggling his eyebrows. You were his Zelda.

You laughed before sitting up and grabbing the switch.

“I’m leaving.”

[rogue-durin-16]

HEAD-TO-HEAD (part XXII/?)

Summary: Joe thought she was pretty. Had he just said that, things might have been different for them. Maybe they wouldn't have gone head-to-head at each other for three years like it was a contest.

Pairing: Joseph Liebgott x Reader

Genre: angst/rivals to lovers

Tags:

Head-to-head: @derersketnoget @ladystardustfromarss @lanadelray1989 @chanshugsaretherapy @hoddystark @sxalbatf @jetjuliette @luvrottt @fromjupitertocentauri @ecompstolemysoul @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @bitter-post-millennial @gotxpenny @knight-of-thesun @scottstr3et

Band Of Brothers: @fernando-jpg @chubbypotatoepie @tvserie-s-world @clumsy-wonderland @lordndsaviorwinters @lanadelray1989 @chanshugsaretherapy @hoddystark @gotxpenny

Permanent taglist: @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog @amourtentiaa @comfort-reads

Warnings: language, alcohol, smut (drunk sex, mutual masturbation, exhibitionism? bruh idk I'm just here clutching my pearls💀😭)

A/N: oof I almost cut this one out twice, but @jupiterberriez took the time to make a gorgeous edit for this fic so now I gotta post it in her honor. Y'all once again say thank you to jup and enjoy<3

Head-to-head masterlist

Band of Brothers masterlist

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

The fancy pub of the Berchtesgadener Hof was a mess of smoke, sweat, and noise. Someone had dragged a phonograph out of storage and forced it to sing jazz through its warped lungs. Exhilaration and alcohol commanded the victorious celebrations of a day none of us thought would live to see.

I stumbled on one of the bar counters' direction, breathless from laughing at Luz's joke, which probably wouldn't have been that funny if I were sober. Malarkey, draped on a stool, poured the remaining liquor of the bottle he had claimed on a glass, and handed it to me without a question; a gesture I appreciated.

"Danke." I said, saluting before tossing it back, my free hand going up to hold my newly acquired hat in place.

"Jesus, how much've you had?" Malarkey questioned, his face pink from the amount of booze running through his own veins.

"Uh... not enough," I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. "do we have something that'll burn on its way down?" I bent over the expensive surface to check what was left after the entire 506th raided the place.

"Lemme see—" George launched himself over the bar, landing on the other side with close to no grace, empty bottles clattering around him when he lost balance. Both Don and I broke out an intoxicated cackle.

"The fuck you wearin'?" A high-pitched voice drawled behind me, almost offended.

I turned to see Joe sprawled in a sofa someone had definitely stolen from another room, one arm hung over the backrest. His legs were spread, bottle in hand.

More, half lying on the opposite end of the couch with a cigarette between his lips, let out an amused scoff at my look. "You headin' to be judged for your war crimes, Sarge?"

I looked down at myself. The Nazi officer's jacket hung open over my shirt, the matching cap still perched on my head. The insignia gleamed under the warm lights of the room, ridiculous and wrong.

"Fashion." I said flatly. "You wouldn't get it."

Joe squinted. "You look like a dictator's wet dream."

"And you look like you lost a fight with a bottle of Cognac." I quipped sweetly, making a point to put the words out clearly.

Joe blinked like he hadn't expected me to come that close. "Why don'tcha take that shit off?"

"If it bothers you so much, you take it off."

"Wait, what?" Luz snorted returning to sit atop the counter with a bottle of Korn he managed to scrounge up from some abandoned box.

"Dunno," I shrugged; an attempt to move past my own quip. "'M drunk outta my mind."

"C'mon, take that off." Joe insisted, leaning forward, using his elbows on his thighs as support.

With an annoyed exhale, I marched over without answering, yanked the cap off my head, and dropped it in his lap. "There. Happy?"

I reached out and plucked the bottle straight from his hand. His fingers tightened, like he might actually stop me. He didn't, but eyes followed my lax moves as I took a long swig, the liquid hot down my throat.

"Jesus," I coughed, turning the bottle in my hand to check the label. "Okay..." My narrowed gaze did its best to stop the letters from dancing on the . "Think I like this one." I stated, and with some difficulty, got around the misplaced couch and away from the men.

"Hey—" he called after me. "You takin' my bottle?"

I didn't answer. Just raised it behind me in a lazy wave and kept walking, slipping off the main hall and into what I would have sworn was a service corridor. Maybe. Between the daze, the alcohol and the lack of proper light, my mind could barely tell.

I made it halfway down before I heard his footsteps catching up behind me—unsteady but determined.

"You can't just... steal a man's liquor." he muttered, voice low as he cornered me near what I guessed to be a pantry.

I spun to face him a bit too fast, losing my balance momentarily. "Wasn't stealin'." I feigned innocence, my free hand finding the closest wall for leverage. "'s called borrowin', alright?"

"Oh yeah?" He stepped closer, boxing me in between the wall and his chest when I rotated to be face to face with him. "What do I get in return?"

I tilted my head, looking up at him from under my lashes, pulse thudding louder than the music still playing in the background. "You want somethin' in return?"

"That's a fine ass Cognac," he scoffed, pointing at the bottle held hostage against my hip. "'Course I want somethin'."

I tilted my head to the side, a honeyed half smile twisting my visage. "Whaddya want?"

The second-guessing flashed over his face, more noticeable than he would've liked. "You're not subtle."

"Maybe I don't wanna be."

Joe exhaled heavily through his nose, his hand coming up to rub his forehead before his eyes dropped to my mouth.

I leaned back, partly to stop the world from spinning, partly to grant him distance. As a response, Joe stepped closer.

I raised the bottle, tipped it in his direction like a toast. "Happy V-E Day, Lieb."

His brow ticked. He stared at me like he'd misheard—or maybe just didn't know what to do with it.

"…What'd you just call me?"

"Lieb."

"Never called me that."

"Don't make it weird," I said, a little too soft. The bottle clinked gently against the wall as I lowered it to my side. "I'm sayin' a lot of bullshit."

He took another step, his chest grazing my own. "You're just sayin' things you don't wanna say."

"Same thing." I mumbled, not once breaking eye contact.

His hand came to rest on the wall beside my head, knuckles brushing my temple. Two of my fingers looped around his belt, not so much to tug him towards me as it was to hold him there. His mouth hovered near mine in a quiet pause that stretched too long, so I leaned up and kissed him. A quick peck to show my cards better than any messy sentence would. He chased me unconsciously, too slow to catch himself before I noticed.

"You want this?" I whispered, giving his belt an unnoticeable jerk to hide the insecurity with boldness.

"The fuck's it look like?"

I went in again, this time deeper, lazy and aching; the kind of kiss that tasted like celebration and regret in equal measure. His lips were warm, parted, tasting faintly of whatever the hell he'd been mixing up with that cognac bottle. His hand switched the wall for my face, fingers curling beneath the underside of my chin to angle my mouth harder against his.

It got desperate fast—tongue and teeth clashing incautiously as I tried to convey unsaid truths into a reckless act.

The bottle dropped from my grasp; it hit the floor with a dull thud when a muffled moan tore free from his chest, ringing into the kiss. His palm pressed the small of my back to bring me closer, mouth hot and hungry. I did my part to keep him flush against me, clumsy hands traveling up and down his shoulders, fisting his jacket, caressing his cheek, tugging his recently trimmed locks when his teeth trapped my lower lip between them.

My nose bumped his cheekbone when his mouth traveled down my jaw, then to my throat. My head thunked back when sloppy hands pulled my shirt out of my pants, eager fingers trailing up my stomach, hands splaying over my skin, all heat and calluses and uncoordinated hunger, mapping out my body like he wanted the moment ingrained in his touch.

"You're way more fun like this." he muttered, voice thick with something more than just alcohol.

One of his thumbs brushed just beneath the band of my bra, sneaking under the thin layer and making my breath stutter in a gasp against the side of his throat.

"God... Shuddup." I slurred, sliding one hand down, past his belt buckle, fingers clumsy against the rough edge of his waistband. He twitched when I pressed my palm to the front of his briefs. Not even skin to skin yet, and he was already half hard—straining, shifting his weight like standing still was suddenly a problem.

"Y/n…" He said my name like a warning, either for me or for himself, I wasn't able to tell. "I'm—fuck...'m too drunk for this."

What a sobering fucking thing to say.

"We can stop." I mumbled with heated cheeks, not quite meaning it. My hand stayed right where it was.

He didn't even look at me at first—his eyes flicked sideways, back toward the end of the hall where voices still echoed, raucous and drunk and far away from the storm brewing between us.

What am I doing?

I leaned in, pressed my forehead to his collarbone, let the weight of my body fold into him. My fingers squeezed him over the fabric, slow and lazy, and he groaned—quiet and desperate, through clenched teeth.

His hands slid up my back, under the bra strap, down to my ribs, blunt nails digging just a little too hard like he didn't know his own strength anymore.

"Y/n," he said again. Half a plea. "Shit—"

I halted my movements and lifted my head to meet his blown pupils. "Wanna stop?"

"Fuck that." He denied, and so I kissed him again—slower this time, making an effort to keep myself from spiraling out into the turmoil he brought upon me with his lips and his touch and the way he seemed to want me—genuinely want me—bad enough for me to believe it; for me to believe this was more than playing chase for him. More than an outlet for the horrors we had been put through.

My fingers slipped past the waistband, under the cotton. He shuddered. One of his hands slid around to grip my ass, hauling me against him.

"Jesus," he hissed, mouth half on mine. "You're fuckin'... Shit—feel so good—"

"I said shut up." I urged, my lips pressed against his.

"You shut up." he snapped back, breath hitching when I stroked him properly, twisting my wrist in an uncoordinated rhythm that made him jerk in my hand.

We were barely upright, his thigh wedged between mine. My hips rolled down on it automatically, chasing friction, chasing anything. We were grinding like teenagers in a closet, a bad move away from losing what little sense we had left.

He found the button of my pants—missed it once, then again, and cursed against my cheekbone when it finally popped open. His fingers slipped inside. Between. Against me.

My head thunked back against the wall hard enough to sting. "Fuck."

"Yeah?" he fanned, cockiness coating his tone. "God, you're wet."

"Fuck you." I mewled, more impatient than biting.

"'M tryin'."

We were all lust and fingers and panting, unsteady hands working each other with zero finesse. Messy, uneven, desperate. His mouth was everywhere—neck, collarbone, the edge of my jaw. Mine was on his shoulder, biting down when the rhythm got too good.

I let out a whimper, hips jerking down against his hand, against his thigh, against him. He groaned low in his throat and I felt it all the way through my ribs.

I was going to come like this—drunk and wrecked, in a fucking service corridor while the rest of the Company toasted to the end of the world.

"You close?" he rasped.

"Mm-hm." I was mindful to keep my lips tightly pursed, not trusting the noise that would come out if I didn't do so.

"Me too."

"Fuckin' hurry up."

"Bossy."

"Joe—"

His hand flexed, grinding harder—one last effort to tear me apart.

I came with my forehead pressed to his neck, biting down to keep from making noise, while he spilled over my fingers seconds later with a broken moan.

We stood there, clinging to each other, breathing like we'd just run up Currahee. My hand was still down his pants. His was still in mine. Neither of us moved at first; neither of us met the other's gaze either. He placed a poor excuse of a kiss on my temple—something that could've been easily brushed off—, and removed himself from me. I took it as a cue to do the same.

"Still want my damn bottle." He blurted out, breathless and half absent. A deflection of it all.

"All yours." I managed to respond, slipping away from him arms to resume my walk as if nothing had happened. I heard the clink of the bottle being dragged back into Joe's grasp. I didn't look back.

[mysecertdiaryofableedingheart]

Lil Office Romance pt. 4

Terry Richmond X Black Fem OC  (Troi)

No warnings: Light heart fluff. A little flirty, a lil possessive streak, and a male pissing contest

Terry

I couldn't hide the pep in my step coming into the office. Even with staying up until 11  on FaceTime with Troi and still getting up for my morning gym session at 5am. I still felt energized

"The way you walking in here you musta would have won the lottery last night or got some cut nigga" Kelvin my college buddy and Co worker look me up and down suspiciously

"Man watch out" he step towards me to look over my shoulder,  I quickly covered my phone, my newly minted lock screen giving away my night activities. Troi's plump butt posed for the camera in her best pin-up pose blowing a kiss for the camera. "I was making some jerk chicken for my lunch last night"

"Ahhh , for your lunch date with little miss accounting" Kelvin was fully versed in infatuation with Troi. "BBQ on a Monday night after work nigga you in love"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at his taunts. It is well known among all our friends that I am a lover boy, a romantic, as my mother would boast to her walking club, trying to hook me up with any daughter or niece.

I saw my mother being doted on,catered to and how much pride and love my father would glow with when she returned his affection.

"If that's what you call it man. Sign me up" I opened my phone to see the 3 rd picture I snapped of Troi pouting into the phone. Opening my messages clicking Wifey

“Hey Wifey 12pm sharp and bring my goodies or hubby won't be happy”

Read at 9:45am

Yes hubby, your goodies and the baker will be waiting by the security desk at lunch 

12pm couldn't come any faster. I had to shake the spell of Troi from my mind to focus on the new building plans.

Troi

"So at yall wedding I can't wait to be the maid of honor matter fact he need to me make me the best man too" Celeste looked away from her excel spreadsheet to tease. "Ms. Wifey"

The image of me in a white dress and Terry towering over me in front of the altar flooded my mind. I rested my hand over my chest to attempt to calm my heartbeat.

"Celeste,you can't tease me about that I might actually pass out. I'm just getting comfortable with the idea of him liking me" I hated it how I sounded like a teenager whining

"Troi I'm just kidding, it's too sweet how two real lovers are finally getting together. Its goals baby got me wanting to hang up my city girls membership" Celest pulled my desk chair closer to her to give me a side hug. After the much-needed reassurance, I was able to breathe easier

Glancing at the clock reading 11:45 I hurried to refresh my lip gloss and fluff my hair. "Do I look okay ? Not too much right" gesturing towards my swells of B Cups breast on display in the black wrap dress

"Girl honestly you should've gone with push-up bra really gave him a show" Celeste grabbed her own boobs and gave me a shimmy.

"You're too much!" I grabbed the container with our lunch desert in it. Settling my purse on my shoulder, I walked out to beat the lunch rush of those trying to leave the building for noon meal break.

Terry

Call me eager but at 11:50, I had cut my zoom meeting with construction short knowing those motherfuckas will talk my ass off and make me late to meet with Troi. Grabbing the plastic bag the contained today's spread I bee lined for the elevators. Kelvin joined me in the elevator "Going to see your girl huh? " His hand clapped my shoulder

"Not my girl but soon" we watched as the numbers slowly descended to the ground floor. When the doors open immediately I was greeted with the Troi soft curves wrapped in black. Before I could fully enjoy the view. Her distressed expression caused me to follow her eyes

Omar, the resident HR violation, was in front of her, clearly talking to her chest and not her. My hands formed into a fist. I couldn't help but see red at the cause of Troi's discomfort. Kelvin's grasp on my shoulder halted my warpath.

"Be easy bruh, don't go over there swinging " he let me go after stating his peace

Omar didn't even notice me as he was too into having a one sided conversation with Troi's chest but her eyes softened when they caught mine. Side-stepping Omar I snaked my arm around Troi's slim waist. Probably a little too possessive but a point needed to be made " Hey pretty girl you ready to eat? "

Troi stepped further into my side looking between me and Omar "Yes! See Omar I already had plans I'm gonna have to pass on the invitation sorry" Even to the freaky frog of the company she was still polite

"Next time then Troi." This nigga was ignoring that this woman was tucked into my side and clearly mine well almost but he didn't know that.

"Nah,  we got a standing lunch date. " I pulled Troi a little closer into my side.

"My bad Richmond I didn't know this was you" Omar finally met my eyes which I knew were shooting daggers at him. I knew if I spoke again I was going to call him everything but a child of god. So instead I pulled Troi away sucking my teeth.

Troi

"He's never spoken to me ever I have no idea what possessed him to act like that" I couldn't help but explain to Terry. I felt icky after that encounter with Omar like his eyes left grease marks from looking at me too long

Terry balanced the container of jerk chicken on his massive thigh closet to me. "Pretty girl, you're what cause him to act like that. You must not be looking in the mirror " Terry voice sounded extra husky. "Here taste a little bit of the chicken without the extra sauce. " he held a fork up to my lips I instinctively wrapped my mouth around it to capture the morsels of food.

I couldn't help but moan as the flavor exploded onto my tongue. I couldn't read his expression as he stared at my mouth. His eyes felt much different than Omar almost like the cool breeze running through square but also warm like the sun shining through the leaves of the willows above us. "You've got to teach me how to make that Terry! You were holding out on me" I playfully hit his shoulder

"Anytime Wifey, I teach you whatever you like" There's that husky voice again that made me clench my thighs and belly tighten

Would anybody like to be in a tag list? I think I have like 4 more parts maybe to wrap up where my mind went?

[gesturesweirdly]

no matter how hard you try kakagai will never catch up to kakasaku in popularity

Bruh ok….? 😭😭 I don’t draw things for popularity nor do I really care about the Naruto fandom or shipping at all so I promise im not having a dick measuring contest with people who r shipping adults with kids 👍 hope this helps!!!!