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unloved-cadillac · 4 years

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Leather Jackets and Glasses

Y/n L/n, the leader of the notorious gang called The Scouts. Placed in Rose high, Y/n is in her senior year but things take a turn when she starts getting interested in a certain boy named, Levi Ackerman. Follow the journey of heartbreak, betrayal and love between two people who were destined to be together.

CHAPTER ONE:

There’s always someone out there made for everyone. This is something i highly believe in. Every person has their person. A boy could have had this childhood friend, who later in life turned out to be more than that. The girl who kissed her best friend because she had never had her first kiss and wanted to get it over with, only for her best friend to pull her closer and kiss her harder. Everyone had that someone. it was only a matter of time before we all found them. But sometimes, its not always that easy. Things happen that are out of your control. You won’t speak to them for long periods of time, bad fights, leaving. And this almost always happens before you get together. That’s the bad part. But that’s the wake up call to tell you that “hey. I care for this person more than myself. I need them. I can’t loose them”.

I loved the idea of love. But I never spoke on it. It made me seem weak and soft and, that’s something i did not want a GANG to know. But i have had my fair share of boyfriends, no love just a quick fuck here and there but there was one boy who captured my heart without even trying. He did so effortlessly you would think he was the biggest player out there. But no. That was just who Levi Ackerman was.

It all began in my senior year of high school. The year had just started and i had nothing to be afraid of. My gang, The Scouts, were the notorious gang of Rose. I was their leader, mostly because my father was the main leader of The Scouts. He was The Godfather. I’d like to say that I did fairly well in school, but not A plus material, I just wanted to graduate and get outta there. This year was mostly about forming new relationships, clearing the air to certain people, and just making amends. But some people also wanted to confess to their someone. I dont want to brag or anything, but i had a lot of people wanting to be with me. Boys would try their luck and i only gave a few chances to a few people, and well, it never turned out good, mostly because my dad found something wrong with them, wanted them to join the gang or they were too scared to take things further.

I loved the gang. They were my family. And plus I could get anything I wanted. I was a princess. In my senior I made a promise to myself that I would not date. Anyone. No matter who much they begged. Because when I hit 17, my life in the gang became a whole lot dangerous. Shootouts would occur at my house, I would get kidnapped and sometimes they would use my friends to threaten me. It was horrible to say the least. And I could ony imagine what they would do if i had a special someone. God. I would not want my someone to have this life. As great as it is material wise, shit gets serious in a split second. My dad had warned me about it. He said that the only way i would get involved with someone is if he had picked them. And naturally i told him, i just wouldnt get a boyfriend, much to his displeasure.

Of course, my school had heard about the little, mishaps my gang had endured and that resulted in me having this huge reputation in school. I was labelled as: dangerous. I’m not gonna lie to you and say that I didnt get into fights, or break some bitches nose because they offended me. I was still a gangster, fighting is in my blood. I got suspended. A lot. And apparently, that attracted Levi.

I had seen him around town and school. He would always be in the cafe around the corner of Trost. I knew that because my brother owned that cafe. Marco had nothing to do with the gang. He wasn’t my father’s child so my dad wasn’t so concerned about him. He was from my mothers first marriage, but that never stopped us from being brother and sister. My mother left me after three years and went back to Marco’ father.

Levi was one of the smartest people at school. Always getting awards but he never seemed to go for the functions. He had kept to himself most of the time. He had his close friends. To name them there was Farlan(his brother), Isabel(Farlan’s girlfriend),Hange(the crazy science geek) and Erwin, the jock.

The first time I actually had spoken to Levi was in Physics. I was running late because I was caught up in beating someone up at the back of the school for reasons I shall not say. I ran into the classroom, out of breathe. Everyone looked at me. Some snickered but when I shot them a quick glare, they shut up.

-Ah Ms L/n. How nice of you to join us.

My professor told me, voice laced with sarcasm.

-uh..sorry. I was busy..lost track of time.

I explained. I winced all of a sudden when I looked at my knuckles. Bleeding. Of course. But I kept that hand behind my back.

-hm. Get to a seat.

He said a bit irritated. I walked away to find one and the only one that was available was the last one by the window. I sat down and realized that..I didn’t bring my books. I cursed myself then I turned to my left and saw a boy sitting there taking notes. He seemed really into his work though, but shit, I needed something to write on.

-hey.

I say to capture his attention. He stops writing and slowly looks towards me. He seems really...shy?

-can I borrow a page? And pencil?

I ask him. He widens his eyes and quickly tears a page from his book and digs in his pencil case for a pencil. He finds one and hands me the objects.

-thanks,man.

He simply nods, a faint blush forming on his cheeks but I couldn’t really see it because he put his head down and his long ass bangs hid most of his face. I take a second to observe him. A simple t-shirt, black jeans with converse and cute pair of glasses. His hair was sort of, jet black. I smirk. I knew him. He was one of those top students.

-alright. I’m gonna pass out your tests.

My professor suddenly says. “Fuck”, I mentally curse. I hated physics. I never got the gist of it. I only knew those Newton’s Laws. But I knew that wasn’t enough. He walks around passing papers and comes to me. He looks at my paper, fucking ‘scoffs’, and hands me my paper. A 57. That’s what I got. I didn’t think it was that bad, but this teacher is makingit seem as if the world had just caught on fire and its pissing me off. Looks like someone’s car is getting wrecked today.

-Levi, well done. Keep it up.

I hear him say to the boy. Ah. Levi. That was his name. I reach over and see his mark. 97. Goddamn. He was smart smart.

-a 97? Holy fuck. I could never.

I tell him. He looks at me, kinda stunned. I must admit, if he took off those glasses, it would be one of those scenes in those shitty teen movies where the nerd removes their glasses to reveal they look like a model. But he still looks cute. I looked at him tilting my head to the side.

-what?

I ask him. He shakes his head and looks back down. What a strange one. Suddenly I flinch and look at my bruised knuckles. Fuck they were bleeding. I pat down my pockets on my jeans and check my inside pocket of my leather jacket. How marvelous. I didn’t bring a handkerchief. So I just hold the bruise down to stop the bleeding. Maybe I can make it 45 minutes. All of a sudden I see a handkerchief next to my arm. I look at it, confused, but I take it anyway. I look at Levi. He has a smile, tiny smile. Yeah, he gave me it.

-Thank you.

I tell him. I saw him visibly tense but he looks at me and smiles. I felt...warm. What was this feeling? It’s weird. I have never experienced this before. I don’t know if I want to throw this feeling away or like it. But I promised myself that I wouldn’t get involved with anyone. I may be an asshole, but I would NEVER want anyone to join a gang. Especially my person.

Throughout the day I kept my eye on Levi. I don’t know why I did, but it was just something I found myself doing. The gang and I were chilling on the stands by the football field.

-Ugh! I just want school to finish already! I can’t take it anymore.

Eren says. He was fairly new to the gang, after I found him beating up a kid in an alleyway I recruited him. He’s super hyper and gets worked up easily so he was a good asset to us.

-and I can’t take you complaining anymore.

Jean shoots back. Jean and Eren almost never got along. But I kept them in line.

-both of you shut up.

My right hand woman says. Mikasa. She matched me in strength, but she never dared put me off. We all knew that Jean had a crush on Mikasa, but he never had the balls to say anything. I ignored them and kept my eyes on the boy on the first stand. He was with Hange and Isabel, I take it he was watching Erwin and Farlan train.

-what do you say, Y/n?

Eren asks me. I look at him after a while.

-say what?

I ask.

-you seem to be staring an awful lot lately. Who caught our oh so powerful leader’s eyes?

Eren hops down to where I’m sitting.

-shut up.

I tell him and look back at the field. Eren follows my eyes.

-oh is it Erwin? I’m not gonna lie, he is hot.

-Gay much, Eren?

Jean says as he sits next to me.

-fuck off, horse face.

I don’t care for their conversation and sneak glances at Levi. He seems to be quiet most of the time, since Isabel and Hange talk his ears off. I feel my pocket and I feel the handkerchief. I’m not giving it back. It’s mine now. I seem to be daydreaming again because Jean keeps talking to me.

-what do you want?

I ask him harshly.

-I just want to know if you’re going to homecoming next month.

I scoff and turn my face back to the field.

-of course I am. There’s a lot of things I want to ruin on that night. Oh and by the way guys, home time I want to key my physics teacher’s car. He’s been acting like a bitch and I want to teach him a lesson.

Jean and Eren scream,” HELL YEAH!”, and that caused some people to look at us. That good for that because I caught Levi’s attention. He turns and looks at me. I smile and wink at him. He widens his eyes and turns around. I love fucking around with him.

Hometime rolls in and we go out to the car park and look for my teacher’s car. Luckily, the son of a bitch didn’t park where the cameras were so I pull out my key and so did the others and run it down the bonnet of the car. I run it through the driver’s door moving it to the back. Mikasa took the boot and the boys took the roof and passenger side. After our masterpiece we heard:

-HEY YOU BRATS! STOP THAT.

My physics teacher yells. We look and laugh and made a run for it. We ran to our bikes and took off. Laughing. We drove past the gate and everyone was cheering for us as well. I saw Levi. I once again winked at him and rode away. “Maybe I should mess around with him. What could go wrong?”

Little did I know, a whole lot would go wrong.

Chapter Two

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #aot #levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #snk #aot fanfiction #Levi x gangster!reader #captain levi #modern au #high school au #rivai ackerman #Leather Jackets And Glasses #LJaG

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jaefluenza · 4 years

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Spare my Pride | L.Jeno

genre: college au, best friends to lovers au, fluff with a little pinch of angst

pairing: boxer!jeno x model!reader ft. Jaemin & Ryujin (of ITZY)

word count: 9,589k words

warning: lots of profanity, bullying attempt, a little bit suggestive

inspired by wish you were gay by Billie Eilish

Jeno Lee has a quirky reputation in college. Girls speak about him whenever he’s around or even when he’s not. He became a hot topic around the school in the past few weeks, because of the current interest he took in. He was an ordinary guy before he joined the new boxing club held by the famous boxer around the faculty, his third-year senior, Jung Jaehyun.

While you, an underground model whose finances are going downhill, are barely visible enough to be known or noticed by people. Being socially awkward since elementary school, your friends can be counted by fingers. You’re the opposite of your own best friend, but you don’t mind that, at first.

Jeno was indeed telling you with excitement when he got accepted into the club, saying that his efforts for the past few weeks taking boxing lessons with his uncle were worth it. You supported him with excitement as well. As much as you know him, he was barely interested in any club, so him joining the popular boxing club was great big news to you. But now, everything has changed as he grew distant to you since he was busy enough to hang with you and he got so many friends.

“Jeno, can you help me with today’s product shoot? I only need a few pictures.” You uttered while checking the post you just added to your IG. He looks at you with a pair of guilty eyes, “What time?”

You could sense his awkwardness, so you turned your head at him. “Uh, at 5 pm? We have to make it before the sunset.”

He mumbled something that you barely heard about, but then he speaks back to you. “What about 3 pm? Well, the golden hour doesn’t always come at 5, you can give your pics a little bit more edit to make it looks influenced by the golden sunset, right? Hehe,” he flusters.

You snort, “Jeno, are you even aware that our last lecture will be finished at 3.30. That’s why we need some time to prepare things before reaching the location. Wait a minute, you got plans to do, am I wrong?”

He showed you his famous eye smiles, though you exactly know that they’re not a delight one.

“I’m sorry, I have a sparring session with Jaehyun hyung exactly at 5 pm before the sky gets dark. Uh, can we do it another day? I swear I will help you.” You frown since this was not the first time he would ditch you.

“I don’t think you will be available again. Well, I’ll just go and ask Ryujin, then.” You grab your things and leave him alone on the bleachers. Jeno runs his fingers through his hair in frustration, feeling guilty as he’s well aware that he’s been offending your feelings.

“Did you hear the news? Jeno’s first fight is on Thursday. Are you going?” Ryujin asked. You only nod, while checking the pictures she just took for you. “I heard, you know how often I check the notice board down the hall. Well, I don’t know if I wanna go, but I want to support him, though.”

“I sincerely hope that popularity doesn’t get into his head. He was a good friend to you.”

Your head turned at her with narrowed eyes, “Do you think he isn’t one now?”

Ryujin scoffs, “Not in that kind of way, you dumb. Relax girl, I was just saying that I hope he still treats you right after he became who he is now.”

You bid your goodbye to Ryujin as you dropped her in her driveway. “Drive safely, sist.”

Well, it turned out that you didn’t go home first. You found yourself heading to the seemingly empty ring on the second floor of the gym building, after asking one of his friends, Jaemin about where he’s at. You hold the plastic bag of foods he likes, motion nervously towards the sound of his soft giggles.

“Yo, I can tell you can do good on Thursday, just improve your strength more by practicing at the gym, then you’re set to go.” You recognized the baritone voice of the club president, Jung Jaehyun, before greeting everyone in the room. “Good evening.”

Every head in the room turned up at you. Every laughter was suppressed, and the room becomes silent. “Oh, hey. You must be here for him,” Jaehyun points his index finger to the younger boy, the current main role in the ring.

Jeno stands up, bidding his goodbye to his team before bringing you outside the room. “Hey, y/n. Uh, why are you here?”

You raise the plastic bag with a smile. “I know you and the team must be hungry after practicing so I bought you guys food.”

Jeno smiles, “Woah, you don’t need to do this to all of us. Thank you so much,” he helped you with the bag and bring you inside again, proceeding to introduce you to his new circle of friends.

That night, you’re finally known as Jeno’s only girl best friend and you’re glad that his friends treat you so good that you feel like you have already been friends with them for so long. It makes you eager to support him better and being the source of his energy for him to do good.

On Thursday, you were in the public library when you received a call from the one and only Lee Jeno.

“Hey, uh, are you free this evening?”

“I know, it’s about your first ring fight, right?”

“Yeah, will you come?”

You stay silent to think for a moment. “Jeno...”

“I... I know you’re afraid of crowds and fights, but please.. can you come for me?”

He’s right. You’re scared of fights and wounds. There was one time when you both were in first grade, he got into a fight with his bully. One thing about Jeno, he holds in his feelings.So when the number of fits of anger and grudges was no longer able to be kept in his chest, he burst into a scary angry kid.

You reminisced when you found him bruised and bleeding at the back of the school, panting angrily. You cried at the horrible sight of him and instead of you comforting him, it turned out him stopping you from crying.

“I’m glad that you knew exactly why I’ve been getting restless about whether to go or not. I’ll think about it, Jeno.”

A sigh of relief could be heard from across the call, and you smile coyly, even though you know he’s unable to see you. But then, you shoot him another question, “Jeno, will you terrible bruised?”

“I don’t know?” He muttered. “What if I cry? I can’t see you getting hurt.”

“Then I’ll make sure to stop your tears, you crybaby.” You swear you could feel his smile.

That Thursday, you decided to come to support him. Though the whole vibe doesn’t bring any comfort into your mind, you find yourself and Ryujin looking for seats for you both to sit on. You had asked for her companion, and since she knew about your fear of violent sports like this, she willingly agreed to go with you.

You give the girls in the row ahead of you a glance as they squeal at the sight of the star of tonight. You turn your head quickly at the ring and there he is, Jeno Lee with all his glory, accompanied by Jung Jaehyun the coach, and Donghyuck and Jaemin as well.

You feel so star-struck by his gorgeous entrance that you can’t hear the screaming of girls clearly as you blink to gather yourself together. “Woah, look at those freshmen girls drooling all over him,” Ryujin uttered.

“I know right,” you muttered. “Well, does he look appealing tonight though, I can fully understand why the girls are ruining their own throats for him by now.”

She nudged you with a smirk, “Aye, are you sure you want me to find out about your foolish crush on him? Don’t even get me started.” Your heart starts to beat faster when you found out that she knew about your long time crush on Jeno. You can feel your cheeks grow warm as you blink in nervousness. “N-no, what are you talking about? Pure nonsense.” Ryujin laughs when she saw your discomfort so she stopped the taunting.

The minute the fight begins, you tried to not get too nervous at the image of him getting hurt. As you see the lights shining precisely on Jeno, you tried to think about how gorgeous he looks tonight.

Jeno looks around before the referee starts the game and he finds you in the crowd. He gives you his famous eye smile and waved at you so you waved back at him before the girls around you think that he was greeting them and scream their whole lungs out.

The fight begins and you didn’t fully pay attention at who’s hitting who but with the help of Ryujin, you’d notice what’s happening in the damn ring. You open your eyes slowly only to see his opponent, Bang Chan, putting a knock on Jeno’s face and you flinch in fear, regretting your choice to open your goddamn eyes.

Tears start to fall down your cheeks, and your shoulder shakes as your sob getting covered by the screams of the girls and the boxing supporters. Ryujin put her hands around you to soothe you down, and she got angry when someone at the back scoffed at you. “Hey, if you’re not strong enough to see this kind of shit, don’t even come here.”

“Shut up, you dickhead. You can go suck your smelly ass, and mind your own business.” She swears on that guy and you look at her with pride. “Thanks, girl.” And she replied with, “Don’t worry, baby girl. I got you.”

The crowds cheer even louder and that’s when you realized, that your best friend and long time crush wins. You cheer along with the crowds with sobs when you saw his bruises and his swelling eyes, and even though you couldn’t bear seeing him getting hurt like that, you still feel proud for him to win on his first fight debut.

Ryujin encourages you to go down the bleachers and greet him but you feel so hesitant to go. “What if he’s surrounded by his people and I’ll just ruin their time together? I don’t want to be a burden.”

“Girl, look at him. There he is, hoping for you to approach him. Go! You’re his number one supporter after all.”

So you did. You went to the side of the ring to greet him, and Jeno gets out of the ring happily. “Hey! Did you saw me? I win!”

You wipe your tears harshly as your small sob could be heard by him. “Aw, you’re crying. Come on, let’s go somewhere quieter.”

He brings you to the back of the bleachers and hugs you with his boxing gears still wrapped around his body. “Stop crying, I won the game. Are you proud of me?”

Your sobs only grow louder, but you tried not to cry anymore so you let go and brace yourself to take a look at his bruised face. “These must’ve hurt a lot. Oh my goodness,” your tears fall onto the ground when he flinched at the touch of your hand against his swelling face. “Don’t worry, all I got to do is just putting a pack of ice on my face and they’ll heal within a week.”

“Congratulations,” you said while choking on your sobs. “Thank you for being my supporter, either.” He replied.

You left him to celebrate the win with his team, and you were about to leave the field when you noticed someone from the famous girls’ squad approaching him and his team. “Isn’t that Yeeun?”

“Yeeun?” You asked with a puzzled expression.

“Yeah, Yeeun Jang, she’s a third-year student, a part of the ‘mean girls’ of the faculty. She’s pretty famous. Is she interested in him?”

“I don’t know. Let’s go.”

Hell. It has been hell with Jeno always ignoring your calls and invites to hang out. You have been so frustrated by how he acts lately. Your friends have been telling you about how Jeno somehow got really close with that Yeeun girl, but you didn’t listen fully to the rumors. You need to hear from Jeno himself, because someone who has been your bestie for nearly fifteen years would never ditch you for a girlfriend, right? You keep telling yourself that you know the boy really well and that he’s way better than that. But what Jeno has been doing kind of convince you the other way.

You were trying so hard not to get offended at how he declined your invitation to lunches or mini study sessions that you both used to have together. Something like, ‘I’m sorry, Y/n. I think I have to skip the night. Have fun.’, or ‘Oh, I already have lunch with Yeeun. I’m sorry I have to ditch again... and make sure you have your lunch. Bye!’

“If I were you, I’d be so pissed and probably leave him for good until he realizes that she was no good at all.” Ryujin smashed her chip bag so hard that it almost burst onto the ground. “You know I can never do that to him, he was my first friend in school, until now. I can’t just leave him like that.”

“Then, confess the whole thing to him,” she exclaims.

You narrow your eyes at her, “Confess what?” “Your feelings, duh.”

You flinch from where you sat on. “There’s no way I will do that! Besides, I really just see him as a best friend, th-that’s all,” you replied coyly.

“Bullshit. Even if you don’t tell me, the way you see him and the way you treat him show it all. You can’t hide it well, Y/n. Even the whole school may know you have a thing for the famous Jeno Lee.”

“Yeah, if you tell ‘em so.” you sighed at the thought of him finding out your big fat crush on him. “Oooooh, so you just admitted that you-”

“Shut up, Ryujin.” You can feel her lips pulled into a smile as you put your hand against her chatty mouth.

A week passed and you let yourself rest from contacting Jeno for lunches or a study session together after repeatedly getting no answers or rejections from him. He doesn’t ask where you have been or how’s your day going anymore, it feels like you both are getting down to the ‘friend’ stage instead of going up. But you always support him as he expected. You never missed any of his matches but whenever you come, you’d leave quickly when the pop girl approached him with the rest of her pop group members.

“I can’t believe you’re still going to see his matches, he doesn’t even look in your way! And at this point, you might as well get the title as the ‘crying girl who insists on watching a boxing match even though she can’t’. Next time, wear a mask or something!” you rolled your eyes playfully upon hearing her nagging, well, obviously Ryujin.

“I promised him to give full supports, I don’t have the nerve to ignore his matches like they didn’t happen,” you said before quietly slurping your noodles. “Yet he didn’t have the nerve to look for you in the crowd.”

You sigh, not because her words are sharp enough to ruin the insides of your little heart, but because they are right. Jeno doesn’t notice you anymore whenever you come to watch his matches, nor that he tried to look for you anyway. And, as you paid attention to where he would look, his eyes would eventually land on the girl in the frontline, waving at him with a proud smile, supporting him instead of you.

“You’re right, Ryujin. Maybe, I should start to get over him.”

Ryujin’s shipper heart begins to panic a little, “N-no, what I’m saying is I think you should make him look at you instead. Turn his attention to you like it used to be, darl.”

So, you tried. You asked Jaemin, his closest friend and his roommate, about where he could be, or if he’s at home or at practice. Sometimes, you’d pass some food on Jaemin just so they could eat them at home, but according to Jaemin, he always eats them alone, saying Jeno never comes home at dinner time.

Today, you have a very busy timeline. First, you have to pass a homework to a professor and then walk across the building to look for reference books at the library. And, don’t forget about how you have three classes in a day and one finishes in two hours. You had a feeling that you’ll get no time to have lunch today.

You grab your books tightly as you walk out from the library to go to the next lecture. The books barely let you have enough view about what’s in front so you were literally ready to say sorry when you run into someone. “Oops! Oh my god, I’m sorry,” you muttered when all of the books fell into the ground. You didn’t focus on who is the guy you ran into, but then...

“Y/n?” A familiar voice comes from the guy, and you noticed that it’s the guy you don’t wish to see now. “Oh, hey, Jeno.” you greeted him awkwardly when he helped you pick up the books.

“Hey, got a lot to study, huh?” He flashed you his famous smile before handing you some of the books. “Yeah, I’m preparing for finals. Uh, that’s okay, I’ll hold all of them.”

Jeno proceeds to walk beside you. “No, you’ll run into someone else again. Let me help you.”

You hate how he acts kind to you like this, like nothing happened. “Jeno, why haven’t you replying to any of my messages?” you asked softly. All of a sudden, he’s being strangely nervous and you can’t help but be suspicious about it. “Well, uh, I’ve been busy with practices. I’m sorry, I’ll check ‘em out later.”

You give him a small smile before you both arrived at the front door of the lecture hall. He hands you the rest of the books, and before he leaves, another person appeared in front of you both. “Hey, Y/n. Ooh, let me help you. We’re in the same lecture, I see.” Jaemin showed up looking all smiley before taking all of the books from your hands.

“Hey, thanks. Well, yeah. L-let’s go then.” You bid your goodbye to Jeno and trail behind Jaemin as he speaks, “I brought you lunch pack because I know that you have a busy day ahead, let’s enjoy it later.”

Jeno observes the interaction, and somehow he felt a little bit weird that Jaemin starts to talk to you. His thoughts wander with a lot of question when he heard Jaemin said, “It’s nothing. I just want to pay back all of the food you sent us.” She gives him food?

“So, what happens with all the food trading and stuff? Do you guys feed each other?” Jeno grabbed the cup and filled in the cold drink he thirsted for, while Jaemin confusingly sits in front of the tv, fiddling with his gaming device.

“What do you mean?” He asked back.

“Y/n. She has been giving you food, hasn’t she? Well, I didn’t know you were that close to her.”

Jaemin snorts, “Look, she actually sent the food for you. She knew how much time you spent on practices and how much of a stubborn you are to skip your meals so she sent them through me. And she also thinks that it’s burdensome to only send you food so she made some for me too. They were for us, I called you several times but you never made it home at dinner time so I ate them alone.” Jaemin takes a deep breath after the long-needed explanations.

“They were for me? But she never told me,” Jeno muttered. “Yeah, because you were too fucking busy hanging out around your team or whoever. You never check out her messages that is why my friend, she always gets the info through me.”

“Excuse me, I wasn’t only busy playing around, my practices are very important too.”

“Whatever you say, young man. But you might need to pay more attention to those who actually take care of you even when you have zero ideas about it.”

Jaemin loses the need to play anymore so he just shuts the tv down and goes straight to his room, giving his friend some time to think.

That was when Jeno’s thought wanders off to think about you. He actually noticed the little time he spent with you, but he keeps insisting that it’s because he’s busy with his personal lives. After all, you were not familiar enough with his new circle so he only thinks that this all happened only because the situation has gone wrong. But never has it comes to his mind that you still think of him, and care for him.

That night, he was definitely moved to do the same to you, to care and show a little affection as a friend to you just like what you did to him, but he just doesn’t know how to do that.

Being close to a lot of famous people in college doesn’t actually bring validation to Jeno. Other students only recognize him as Jaehyun’s new ‘apprentice’, something pretty similar to that. But he doesn’t want to be known as that, he wants to be recognized as Jeno Lee, his own person.

Also, being close to someone as a part of the cheerleading girls, Yeeun Jang, doesn’t actually give him the happiness and fun he needed. Jeno knew he wasn’t feeling himself these past few weeks, and he only thought that it was only because he was adjusting. But he was wrong.

Like now. When the loud annoying girls all surrounded around him, he wishes he could just escape the crowded cafeteria as he grips onto his tray tightly, obviously getting uncomfortable by the swarming girls around him.

“Jeno, I thought you only eat carbs to maintain your strength,” Yeeun said as she sticks her upper body more to Jeno and the boy only shifts away in discomfort. He swears he could hear the other girls muttering something he wished he didn’t hear like, ‘I wish I have her boobs’ and ‘Shut up, she got a boob job as a gift in her sweet seventeenth.’

“Uh, since I live with my roommate Jaemin, he really likes sweet things so he got me into eating sweets as well and now I like them.”

“Don’t eat them, it’ll make your body look uneven. Do you want to go to the gym with me this evening? I got VIP memberships.”

Jeno licked his lips in nervousness, not because he gets excited at the idea of going to the gym with the hottest girl in school but because he tries to think so hard about how to reject this rebellious girl. “Uh, I don’t think I’m gonna be available. I have a training session with Jaehyun hyung at 5 pm, maybe next time?”

Yeeun rolls her eyes, she was never rejected like this before, and it’s only making her more curious about this mysterious boy.

Precisely when he thought he had no hope to escape the little kind of hell, he saw you, Ryujin, and Jaemin entering the cafeteria with laughter and it’s the moment he knew, you guys are the only hope he has. “Uhm, girls, it’s nice hanging out around you during lunch, but it’s getting so hot in here so I’ll change my table, thanks!”

He quickly grabbed his tray and moved out of the table and half run to yours.

The three of you flinched in shock when the poor panting man put his tray firmly and immediately sit on the empty seat next to yours. “Oh my gosh, I thought I could never escape that hell.”

Ryujin scoffs, “What? Sitting with the Korean version of the plastics? Well, I thought you enjoyed hanging around them.”

You give her a look, not wanting him to be embarrassed or something. After all, you feel glad that he went to look for you, it’s an indication for you that he still needs you by his side. “Eat more, Jen.” You put some of the sausages you got after fighting with the rugby boys, as you were always mad that they taking the whole food all for themselves, and this time you won.

He smiles, “Thank you. I’ll eat well.”

Jaemin watched your movement while being next to his friend, and his keen sense notifies him that you must have a thing for his friend, but he tried not to jump on his own conclusions before he gets to know the truth.

“Hey, I have some shoots to do tonight at 9 pm. Do you guys want to tag along? I heard about the bridge about five kilometers from here that makes it possible for us to cycle around.” You uttered. And the next thing that came from Jeno’s mouth surprised you to the max.

“Sure, I’ll be finished at 8 pm so I’ll meet you guys there, I guess.”

Jaemin and Ryujin also agreed and you tried so hard not to call it a double date.

“Did he seriously ditched us and went to those idiot nerds? I can’t believe him.”

“It’s Y/n, his best friend ever since they were first graders. I don’t think she sees him as a best friend though,” Sorn looked at the way you smiled at Jeno, and her keen sense is telling him that something is off. “Urgh, shut up Sorn, thinking never helps you,” Eunbin rolled her eyes and laugh with the rest of the girls, while Yeeun put her friend’s words into her mind.

“Come on, you cycle slower than any alive turtles out there.” The wind blows through your hair as the night view of the river comes as a company on your left side.

“Do you even know that some turtles run very fast than a rabbit? Some even win the race with them!” Jeno remarked. “Then, are you glad to be a turtle?”

“Yeah, they’re cute.” “Indeed.”

“What?” “What?”

Jeno laughs at your quirky behavior, and before he gets to cycle right next to your side, annoying screams come as a surprise from behind you two.

“Hey! You two are going too fast! My legs are falling apart!”

“Shut up, you both are simply slow.”

Ryujin only smirks when she saw you and Jeno getting along with each other like you used to be. “Let’s stop for ramen. I’m starving,” she said before leading the four of you to park in front of a convenient store.

“You two, go get us ramens. We’re exhausted enough to make some food so you both do us some favors.”

So you and Jeno ended up going into the store looking for ramen, cheese and other stuff. You went to grab some beverages and he sets himself to deal with the ramen machine. You remember Ryujin ordering an orange juice and Jaemin wanting, of course, non-milk or strawberry drinks. So you look for any drinks he might like and they’re unfortunately put on the highest platform in the beverage sections.

“Shit, I can’t reach them.” You tried to jump and when your hand was about to reach the drink, another hand joins in and grabs the drink you wanted to snatch.

“You’re gonna hurt yourself, Y/n. You could’ve asked for my help.” Jeno put the drink on your basket and you only let out a strained smile when you precisely feel his body sticks behind you, covering the distance between you two. “Thanks,” you stuttered.

“It’s nothing. Let’s pay them, I’m finished with the ramens.”

Meanwhile, Ryujin and Jaemin waited outside while observing both of you inside the store. Things were going awkward before Ryujin eventually uttered, “Do you honestly think that your friend likes my friend?”

Jaemin blinks in nervousness, he could say he wasn’t ready for this kind of conversation. “Uh, he never mentions about getting ‘too close’ to Y/n. But I do notice that they’re being strangely awkward towards each other recently.”

“Well, I want them to get closer rather than Jeno going out with that annoying bitch, so are you in?”

“Woah, you’re being too frank. First, I don’t really get why we should do that so maybe you have to explain to me first,” Jaemin replied back unwieldy.

Ryujin rolled her eyes, but then she realized what she had to know. “So, do you think Jeno will be better off with that Yeeun girl or that particular girl who has been with him for almost fifteen years?” She said while pointing to you who’s paying at the cashier.

Jaemin frowns, this isn’t the question he expected. “I don’t know.”

“I’m not asking if you know, I’m asking about your opinion, bro.”

“Uh, I don’t want to give any words about Jeno but I think Y/n deserves better,” he replied.

Ryujin puckers her lips upon his twisted answer. She tries to think of what that possible means, and then she jolts up from her seat, lips turning into a wide ‘O’ as she accusingly points at Jaemin. “No way. No fucking way, do you like her???”

Panic starts to creep into Jaemin’s self as he turns pale in front of the frank girl. “N-no. W-what are you talking about??”

“What in the world, Jaemin? I thought-”

“Shut up! They’re coming.”

Jaemin pushed both of her shoulders to sit back as he saw the pair from the corner of his eyes. “Act normal,” he said.

Ryujin clears her throat as the pair comes and puts the food on the table, bringing more awkward tension around the group. “You two, what were you doing?” Jeno asked.

“We were just playing a game of rock, paper, and scissors, nothing else, right?” Jaemin gives the poor girl a look, making her just agreeing to whatever he’d say.

Oh my goodness, this is going to be ridiculous.

A particular Monday comes with a smile on your face. You started the day with two slices of bacon alongside a cup of warm latte that makes you smile two times bigger than you usually do. The day went pretty great which makes you wonder since when do Mondays have such good vibes like this? You don’t know, maybe today is your blessing.

You told Ryujin that you’re already on your way to meet her at the front lobby until a convertible stopped right in front of you. “Get in, loser. We’re going shopping.”

Wow, Ryujin was right. They were indeed the Korean version of the ‘Mean Girls’ you watched on Netflix every Saturday. “Uh, no thanks?”

“Gurl, are you that stupid to think that we’re actually going shopping? No, we’re going to Jeno’s match.”

“Did he actually ask you to pick me up, or? Cause I think he would never do that.” You remarked back. “Just get in, will you-”

“No. Do not go with her.” Ryujin’s deep voice makes you shiver in fear not for yourself, but for them. Cause when the angry deep voice itself was out, you’d know that they were done for. “You witch, what are you trying to do with her.”

The girls laughed like lunatics before speeding off ahead and you only sigh in annoyance. “Were they trying to hurt me?”

“Yeah, and don’t tell me you were actually being a fool by believing every single spat of their bullshits.” You hit her arm playfully, before hugging her to show her that you are grateful enough to have someone like her by your side. “Of course not. I may be a crybaby who despises fistfights and crowds but I’m not stupid like them.”

“Gosh, somehow I wonder why you’re my best friend.”

“They were trying to mess with me with his name? What was their intention?” You narrow your eyes to think better and she only shrugs. “I’m not sure. Perhaps, jealousy? Those cliche petty little bitches.”

“Wait a minute, they said today is one of Jeno’s match. I think we should probably go.”

So you ended up going to the match with Ryujin and Jaemin. You weren’t actually going with him, he just simply found you both at the seats and decided to join. He said Jeno’s team no longer needed him to accompany Jeno in the ring, but he’d, of course, watch all of his game as an act of support, just like you do.

“I bought some popcorns.” Being an awkward being, Jaemin passed another popcorn cup he got to both you and Ryujin. She gladly took them while replying nonchalantly, “Thanks. This is much more appreciated for me but her, she only needs some tissues.”

“What for?”

“You shall see it yourself, my friend.”

And according to what Jaemin witnessed later, she was right. As soon as Jeno got punched in his cheeks you were already a crying mess. He has the urge to hug you but it’d probably make things more uncomfortable for the three of you so he holds it in. Jaemin doesn’t have any idea how and why in the world seeing you cry is making him feeling pinched in the inside too.

“Hey, don’t cry.” Jaemin couldn’t help but wipe those hot tears flowing on your face softly. “Thanks, it’s just I can’t bear seeing people get hurt. It has always been my fuckin’ weakness.” You proceed to wipe them on your own and he just shifts his hand away ungainly. Jaemin knows very well that by means of people was just a use of words to change his exact name. Yeah, Jeno Lee, he's the one you're afraid of getting hurt.

After all, you still went to all of his games and support him with all your worth. Now he’s very much sure that you don’t see him only as a friend.

Jeno is indeed a fighter, he won again. After Ryujin and Jaemin left you to greet him out of the ring, you immediately went to him. You were lucky enough that the loud girls weren’t there so you were the first person he saw when he stepped out of the ring. “Hey, I won again.” He smiles at you and you swear his bruises couldn’t cover the true beauty he has on that face. “I’m proud of you, as much as I can’t bear watching you getting hurt as usual.”

Jeno awed, “Did you cry?” and you only nod. “Yeah, a lot. Can’t help, you know.”

“Is it weird that I like how you cried for me when I fight? Geez,” Jeno paused when he saw your puzzled expression. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” He muttered before flinching when he unconsciously trying to cover his swelling face. “My God, Jen, you’re so dumb. It’s alright, it could be an indication that you’re mindful enough that I care for you.”

“That’s right. Thank you for supporting-”

“Yo, Jeno. Be here before we celebrate your win. Quick!” Jaehyun shouts from across the ring and Jeno only sighs in defeat. “Well, the coach is calling. Gotta go,” He uttered while pressing his lips together. “It’s fine. I’ll see you on Tuesday.”

You left the field with a certain smile on your face. After all, you didn’t have any high hopes that he might somehow return your feelings in any good way, but seeing him rely on you like this makes you feel so warm inside. And the way that he’s getting closer back to you like he used to also makes you reassured that he’s still your number one best friend.

You promised Ryujin and Jaemin to go get dinner together after the match so they told you they’d be waiting on the sidewalk since it’s gonna be only a ten minutes walk to the burger stall you recommended. You decide to take the fastest way to exit the school, by walking by the dark hallway across the field. And now, you start to regret your decision.

“Shit’s about to go down, baby.”

Ryujin moves her leg impatiently. She keeps glancing around the almost empty school front yard, where everyone keeps leaving one by one. “Jaemin, for fuck’s sake stop playing with your phone! It’s almost empty and she’s not here yet.”

Jaemin puts his phone away, start looking around the school with a little hint of suspicion. “Uh, maybe Jeno’s taking her somewhere? Maybe you should text her or give a call,” He uttered before logging into his previously opened game.

“If she decided to go somewhere without us I could’ve received her text by now, but it’s getting late and I noticed some of his team passing by so I assumed they were celebrating his win, and he’s definitely taking her with him.” Ryujin paused while she raised her eyebrows. “I’m getting a little bit anxious here since this morning they were coming up to pick her somewhere before the game starts.”

“Who?” “The mean girls.” “The mean- what? WHAT DID YOU SAY?”

“Well, they were trying to mess with her, Jaem.”

“SHIT! Come, let’s go and check around!”

So both started to enter the building and looking around in the hallways. Jaemin goes to the left side and Ryujin to the right side. He was catching up his breath until he heard a familiar scream. He quickly runs to the voice, coincidentally meeting Ryujin on the same path. “I heard her,” she panted.

“Stop doing this, the fuck!”

“No, you’re the one should stop doing this! Stop being fuckin’ close to him! You’re nothing but a leech to him, don’t you see this coming? Gosh,” Yeeun pushed you further into the empty classroom, her fellow friends dragging both of your hands, and you only struggle out of their grasp.

“Ryujin was right, you’re such a petty little bitch.”

“What?” Without waiting for your answer, she hits you with something you have no idea about and that shit hurts like hell. She was about to hit you again but then, “Stop doing that to her or I’ll call the fuckin’ cops!” Ryujin holds her phone up close to show them that she’s not playing with her words. Sorn and Elkie let you out of their hold and Yeeun hissed in anger. “Let’s go,” She motioned the other girls to leave before she heads to you once more. “We still have some unfinished business.”

“Oh hell no, you don’t.” Yeeun gasped in fear when Jaemin came behind Ryujin looking so pissed and she quickly left the scene, following her friends behind.

“Fuck, are you okay?” Ryujin checked you out, supporting your weight to stand up again. “Ryujin, stop swearing.” You chuckled weakly.

They helped you get out of that hell, and have you treated at the nearest clinic since your forehead and cheeks were bleeding a little. Jaemin was so pissed to see you treated that way, he was about to confront the girls the next very day but you told him not to, saying that you will take care of this problem yourself, and he did nothing but to respect your decision.

Jeno himself didn’t found out until now, because you literally bribed Ryujin and Jaemin to not telling anyone including him. They were so mad that you were acting like a saint in this situation but you’re glad though, that they respected what you wanted and gave you full support in case you needed some other help.

You did exactly what Yeeun told you that night, even though you knew that it isn’t right to do so, but you only want him to be safe and okay. You don’t want him to be affected by how she and the crude gang treated you. You’d hate it when drama turns into crowds and when the attention would go to you, so you decided that silence is the best answer.

While Jeno is quite pissed that everything starts to change. He noticed your sudden change, also Ryujin and Jaemin who stopped talking to him all of a sudden, and your change of glances. You no longer look at him with affections like you used to, and he hates how he’s clueless about it. He hates it more because no one also comes up and tells him what’s up. He’d approach you to ask what’s going on but you’d avoid him obviously, by taking a sudden turn to the left or walking still like you didn’t saw him coming.

Every time he would ask Jaemin about it, he’d change the topic very quickly, or leave him hanging just like that, more confused. But today’s gonna be pretty different, cause he won’t let this happen anymore.

He finally found you walking with a pile of books, possibly your next lecture’s materials. Glad that he’s entering the same class as you, he rushed to your side until a pair of arms cling onto his. “Hello, Jen. Do you have any plans for today?”

“Hey, Yeeun. Not now, please. I need to talk to someone-” “Urgh! Why is it always about her? Y/n, isn’t it? I think you’re too blind to-”

He brushed her arms aside quickly, visibly pissed by her annoying behavior. “Shut up. You clearly don’t know anything.” He sent a glare to her for the last time before he left to look for you in the huge lecture hall. There you are, sitting at the corner seat of the class, avoiding crowds as usual. He rushed up to sit next to you, his eyes never leaving you as if you were gonna leave if he blinks in a moment.

“Y/n. I need to talk-” you knew he was coming, so you were glad when the professor entered the hall as the class starts. “I’m afraid I can’t, the lecture is starting.”

“Then, talk to me after class ends,” he uttered before taking the seat next to you, without getting any reply.

He failed to talk to you. Jeno entered the small apartment with a heavy sigh. He didn’t obtain the assurance he yearned for, and so he’s utterly pissed. He glanced at Jaemin who’s fiddling with the kitchenware while cooking for dinner. Jeno put his bag carelessly on the floor before going straight to the kitchen counter. “Bro, please help me. Please,” he pleaded.

Jaemin knows very well where this would lead to, and he only sighs as a reply. “I would love to but I promised her not to open my mouth about it. Though it is very wrong to do so.”

“What in the world happened?? What could possibly make her upset? She never left me alone just like that? You gotta tell me what did I do so wrong so that I can fix it,” he raved.

“I know. I’m very much aware of what you felt. But as much as I want to tell you, I don’t want to break her trust.” Jaemin paused before looking in Jeno’s way. He looked so frustrated like he actually has concerns about it. “Jeno, I’ll ask you two questions. First, do you really care about her?”

Jeno looks up at his friend, “Yes? Yes! I care about her a lot.”

“And, do you actually have a thing for her?”

“Feelings, you probably mean?” Jeno sighs in annoyance. “Yes, I like her, since fourth grade. Ugh, now you know one of my big secrets.”

Jaemin gulps down his saliva like something dropped in the deepest part of his heart. Now he knows what Jeno truly felt about you, and he knows exactly what to do. “Fuck it, you deserve to know, then.”

A week later, you honestly grew tired of ignoring him, but you still have this slight fear of the ‘mean girls’ approaching you again. After all the cruel physical encounter you faced that night, you swore you couldn’t even dare to text him, nor replying to his texts even though you wanted to. Jeno meant a lot to you, but the fear of everything going even more wrong keeps restraining you to interact with him.

The girls indeed stopped bothering you, even though you’re still receiving glares every moment they pass by, it was going a little bit better, as you expected. Also, Jeno has stopped asking to talk about it. You thought it’s better this way, but why aren’t you happy? Why are you still frightened?

Ryujin suggested you a quick runaway from the mess you currently getting involved in, she invited you to go to the finals after party. After making sure that Jeno and the girls won’t be there, you agreed to go. She immediately brought you shopping at the mall, helping you pick out some bomb outfits that’ll make everyone turn their eyes on you.

“Now these will definitely help you to be that bitch for the weekend.”

“Shut it, Ryujin.” You chuckle after receiving the compliment. You’re glad you have someone like her, who’s in for the up-in-downs along in your ‘ride’. “I love you, Y/n. And I don’t want you to be deeply affected by what those wicked bitches do to you. I’m here for you, you know.”

“I know. Thanks baby girl. You’re someone I didn’t know I needed.”

She smiled at you as both of you continue the window shopping.

Going to the party, you found yourself getting anxious about the idea of meeting new people and getting yourself involves in a big dancing crowd. You find it terrifying, even though you tried to convince yourself to be as confident as possible. Ryujin goes with you, and she never stops reassuring you that everything will be okay and that you will meet new friends and live your life to the fullest. Sounds exaggerated, indeed, but it does not fail to boost your vanishing confidence.

“It’s either you and me going in, or it’ll never happen. Come on, honey. You’ll be fine. I’ll stick with you no matter what happens.”

You gulped while staring at the big frat house. The music blasts loudly and the sounds of people screaming and laughing around make your heart beats quickly. You fix your white satin dress before proceeding to open the door.

Ryujin clings her arm to yours as you both enter the house. Luckily, there are no wandering eyes went to you as soon as you step into the house. She brings you around to introduce you to some people she knows there, being hopeful that you’d gain new friends and circles.

You kept insisting that you want to drink, so Ryujin lets you roam around to find snacks or drinks. Being a constant loner doesn’t mean that you’re unfamiliar with the alcohol world. You tasted it before, like wine or champagne when you celebrated huge things with your family, or beer and tequila. You’re an adult, after all. So, you were sure that there must be any drink you can have in here and you’re going to find it. You pretty much need booze to drunk the night away.

You pass through everybody with unpleasant steps towards the visible bar across the room. So, here’s the kitchen, you thought, trying to remember the path back to Ryujin and her friends. You found a tray of beers on the counter, along with some Cheetos and tortilla chips around it.

You filled your cup with the beer, before leaving the room quietly. You walked towards the same room you believe that Ryujin and her friends were in until you noticed an opened door to the balcony. Finally, an alone and quiet place.

You move the cup to your lips only to drink it in one go. A sigh leaves your red-painted lips as the night winds start to blow through your revealing outfits, making you shiver in cold. “I should’ve brought more cups, or maybe the whole bottle itself.” You murmured against the cup before chugging every last drop from the cup.

You stare blankly at people grilling meats at the backyard beside the decorated pool, as you start thinking of how blue your life must have been. Your best friend trying to set you up to gain friends and have some fun, but here you are, secluding yourself apart from the crowd, drinking alone at the balcony. You were about to get inside to bring more drink back to the balcony when you notice something below your eye level. An unopened bottle of beer! Great, the universe even supported the heck out of you to keep being alone and away from people.

You opened the cap swiftly before pouring in the drink to fill the cup. Fifteen minutes later, you find yourself getting a little bit tipsy after the bottle lost half of its filling. You never knew you were kind of this intolerance to alcohol but screw it. You’re just going to get drunk tonight.

“I just wanna make you feel okay,” you sang halfheartedly as you chugged down the fourth cup in another go. The chilly night couldn’t stop you from drinking the night away, because every liquor that goes through your throat was awfully making yourself a little bit warm but that wasn’t enough for your revealed body. Besides, the thin satin dress couldn’t hug your body better than lots of the comfortable sweatshirts you own at home, and now your cute drunken ass is missing them.

“But all you do is look the other way.” you sang more of the well-known song with another sigh leaving your pretty mouth out of loneliness. “I just kinda wish you were gay.” That’s true, you kinda wish he was gay, rather than not returning your feelings in the way you wanted him to. You tried giving your all to Jeno, but it does not seem that he still depends on you like he used to be when you’re both close to each other.

You’d rather have him despise you because you were not his preferred sexual orientation than having him surrounded by annoying and hateful girls who tried to control his social life. You chugged down another gulp before putting the empty bottle to its original place, head starting to get dizzy from the influence. You were about to leave the little comfort zone when a jacket was placed around your back all of a sudden, and when you turn around to see who is it, you were greeted with a huge bear hug by a familiar body scent.

“Why are you alone here, huh?” Your drunken self instantly recognized the sound coming from the boy you were just thinking about, the infamous Jeno Lee. “Why are you here, I thought you weren’t invited?” You asked back, gaining a pout on his face without letting go of your freezing body. “That doesn’t matter. Look, don’t be drunk alone like this ever again. Somebody could’ve run into you and even take advantage of you, I wouldn’t let that happen.”

You chuckle in your drunk state, “Like you? Look at you clinging into me like this, like a Koala bear.” He let go of your frame, but then his hand goes to yours, securing your hand in his as he lets out a bitter sigh.

“Look, y/n. I found out about what the girls did to you that night. I am so sorry for what happened to you, and I made sure that they will not harm you ever again. Will you forgive me?”

You sighed as well. You didn’t expect this to come up but you knew if this would happen, especially when Jaemin existed as his roommate. “I am fine now, Jen. Also, it’s not your fault that this happened. It’s not your fault either that you met the wrong person in the wrong situation as well.”

You paused, before taking a deep breath. You were ready to let go of everything, anyway. “You know it, I’ll keep supporting you even if I’m not around, because.. you are my best friend. Whatever you love, I’d love them too. If my existence brings you failure or such, then I don’t deserve to be-” your teary glance was interrupted by a sudden contact to your red painted lips.

Jeno leaned closer with a sudden move, pressing his lips into you precisely, and you take his lips well as he starts to move his tongue inside, feeling the taste of yours in his mouth. Half a minute has passed, and both of you let go of each other face with his hands around your relaxed jaws. Panting like he just ran in a marathon, he chuckles, “Of course you deserve to be around me, Y/n. Instead, I’m the one who didn’t deserve to get close to you. I like you, a lot. Shit no, I love you. But instead, the things I brought you were just trouble, sadness, and tears. I truly don’t deserve you, love.”

After hearing his bitter confession, your eyes open wide awake like you’ve never touch those alcoholic bottles. Did you just hear him say that he likes you, back? You couldn’t believe it, so you decide to make sure. “Do you like me back? Is it.. really true? Did you mean it?”

He nods, and before you could react, he pressed another soft kiss into your lips, making your cheeks heated despite the coldness of the night.

“I meant it. Do you... perhaps, feel the same?”

“I do, Jen. I do,” you replied with confidence.

He said nothing, but his smiles show it all. Jeno has the perfect eye smiles you love on him as he drags you back into the house. You let him take you anywhere he could find, and now you ended up in an unknown room in the huge frat house, his hands all over your waist.

He pulled you closer when you look around the room, noticing that it belongs to Felix, the nice guy who went to the same class as you and Ryujin. “It’s alright. He’s one of my friends, I’m sure he won’t be too mad if we mess around here.”

You smile sheepishly, “Shut up, Jen. My cheeks are burning,” you put your hands around his neck as he made the both of you sit on the edge of the bed with you straddling on his lap. Jeno chuckled in delight upon hearing your coy remarks before he proceeds to put some wet kisses on your neck.

You hiss at the feeling, and you could feel his lips turned into a smirk against your neck. “You’re turning me crazy, baby.” He murmured against your lips when you reach down to meet his lips. “Touch me, Jen. I’m all yours.”

He begins to take off your shirt, admiring your beauty served in front of him. “You’re so perfect. I love you,” he mumbled before he flips the both of you on the bed, topping you as the night becomes warm with a lot of praises and love talks. That night, Jeno became yours and you became his. There was nothing said besides sweet nothings as he pressed your bodies closer to each other with his hands around your waist lovingly. “I’m sorry for being a coward these past few times, Y/n. I’ll make sure to make you happy.”

“That does not matter anymore, you are mine now matters.” you let out a soft yawn and he only chuckled, while the two of you start to drift further into the dreamland.

“Who the fuck fucking in my precious room- Jeno??? Eh, Y/n???”

“The fuck is happening?”

“Oh shit, we’re doomed.”

Things begin to carry smoothly as the two of you casually seen being the campus lovebirds. Ryujin wouldn’t stop making a fuss about how you ended up cuddling naked at Felix’s room, until you came clean to her about it. Now everyone knew you were the love of Jeno’s life all of this time, the one who makes him rejected not only Yeeun but all the famous girls who were after him.

Jaemin gives up his feelings for you, for the sake of your happiness and his roommate best friend. He also realized that it was not really a crush and that he was just in an awe-struck with you, because you’re an amazing person. He also becomes closer to your one and only sidekick, Ryujin. Life is full of surprises, you all thought.

“You two can take care of the picnic basket, Ryujin and I are going to rent some bikes.”

“No, jaem. We can’t leave them alone in this beautiful nature. Last time I left her on a crowded party she was fucking with his long term crush.” Ryujin smirks as she looked in your direction, satisfied at how you choked on your coke in shock. “You promised to not bring that up again.”

“We’re all human, we can’t exactly make promises,” Jaemin adds in.

“True that,” The two then raise their hand for a high five, gaining an eye roll and a groan from you and Jeno.

“Duh, it’s like you two were perfectly made for each other.”

“Shut up.” “Duuude, she’s blushing.” “It’s about damn time you get her, bro.”

Happy ending, isn’t it?

NCT Dream Masterlist

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shigarakis-fifth-hand · 4 years

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Hi ( ꈍᴗꈍ) my gay heart would like to request some wholesome Momo x fem!reader-ness. Complete with pining, love letters, and everyone is so done with them dancing around each other they're just screaming at them to get together but they still oblivious. It would just brighten my day and stars. Thank you so much, love ya, you're amazing.

So sorry that it took forever for me to get to this! Your gay heart deserves all the love in the world and I love you more!! And you’re amazinger~ mwah

Momo and Y/n... the two of the prettiest girls in the school, yet totally different.

Momo Yayorozu, known for her family name, intelligence, and sophistication. She was very tall, had black hair, and was very modernly pretty. Her dream was to become a pro hero, and once a mother to children. Then she would continue until she was old, and then retire. Hopefully along the way she would find someone to love, and someone to help make her life less boring. Because honestly, she didn’t like her life.

She didn’t want to become a housewife, she didn’t want to be so sophisticated, and she didn’t want a husband. She wanted Y/n L/n, and yes. Momo was secretly a very lesbianish lesbian. She wanted to learn how to party, how to let lose, and how to be crazy... like Y/n.

Y/n L/n was the absolute opposite. She had long red hair and vibrant blue eyes . At first, everyone had been convinced she was Todoroki’s sister. But no, she was not. Y/n was loud, crazy, did homework and assignments last minute, and was known for being an amazing singer. She did basketball, cross country and skateboarding. But even after all that, she was an amazing student and an even better student.

That’s one of the reasons that Momo had first became obsessed with her. After seeing her act crazy, stay up late, and go absolutely wild all night, yet she was the top third in the class as of grades. She was an even better hero though, and had gotten recruited by Hawks for her work study, and went on them with Kirishima since they always patrolled the same route daily.

Momo sat on the couch with Mina and Todoroki, watching the fifteenth tv show of Stranger Things in a row. “What time does Y/n and them get off of work again?” Momo asked as Mina ran her fingers threw Momo’s hair. Todoroki and Mina glanced at each other, smirking happily. “She’ll be here in half an hour, don’t worry.” Mina assured her friend as Momo rolled her eyes. Mina didn’t give as good scalp massages as Y/n.

“Don’t worry, I bet your girlfriend is missing you too.” Denki teased as Momo blushed. “No! We are not dating! We’re just friends!” Momo protested as Bakugo looked up from his spot in the kitchen. “Oh please! I saw you checking out her ass yesterday in training!” Bakugo argued as she sighed. “Fine, but that doesn’t mean we’re dating. Why would she like me? I’m boring...” Momo became sad, causing everyone in the room, even Bakugo, to feel bad for her.

“Don’t say that! What about the time that she got you roses for Valentines day! Or you two danced at the dance that one time? That was cute.” Denki tried to make Momo feel better, but she just sank into the blankets, waiting. “Why don’t you just ask her? That’s what I did with Shitty Hair.” Bakugo played on his switch while talking, not even looking up. “Bakubro, I remember that you two got waisted and then made out on the kitchen floor.” Mina exclaimed as he just sighed, turning away.

“Maybe that’s my best bet. Y/n’s just so not like me, there’s no way she’d have feelings for me. At least not near the amount of feelings I have for her.” Momo sighed as Mina hugged her tightly. “Trust me, you just have to put yourself out there for her to realize. Trust me, it works.” Mina advised her as Momo nodded before closing her eyes. She was sleepy, and ready to cuddle with Y/n like she had been lately every night.

“Call Aizawa!” Everyone heard as they looked through the doors to see Kirishima and Denki helping Y/n walk. She was bloody, bruised, cut up, and only half awake. “Oh my god!” Momo exclaimed, jumping up and running to Y/n’s side as Denki and Mina ran to the phone. “What happened?!” Bakugo asked, looking at his bruised and beat up boyfriend. “FatGum left us to grab something at his agency when we got a call from Denki that there was a villain.”

Kirishima sighed, looking down at the beat up girl. “The villain’s quirk was to harvest energy for an hour when he cuts a limb on your body, and then he immediately got both Kirishima and I.” Denki nodded, wiping tears from his faces as he looked down at Y/n. “I’m so sorry Y/n! I’m so sorry! This is my fault! This is my fault...” Denki cried as Y/n looked up at him, shaking her head. “I had to save you...” She whispered as Momo began crying, seeing the girl so vulnerable and sad.

“It hurts...” She murmured, before looking at Momo, her eyes lighting up as she started at her beautiful crush. “So Y/n had to fight to save us. She killed the villain, and FatGum and all of the police had to be used to restrain him. The ambulance was going to take seven minutes, so we just ran her here.” Kirishima explained, grabbing Y/n’s hand. “Aizawa, All Might, and Recovery Girl are on their way!” Mina yelled, running to their side.

“Hold in there bitch, you’re going to be okay. Where does it hurt?” Bakugo asked his friend, worried about her. Y/n had been one of his first friends at UA, and he was very worried, but he would never say that out loud. “My arm hurts, and the cuts hurt so much. He cut really deep into my right arm, and my forehead hurts. I can’t feel my leg, and I’m so tired. I don’t feel good Bakubro...” She murmured, unable to talk loudly.

“You saved us Y/n. We would have been cut up in a minute if you had not of been there. He wanted to kill us.” Kirishima smiled at the girl below him. She had gotten hurt because of their mistakes. “It’s going to be okay Y/n. Hang in there, Aizawa is going to be here any minute. You’re going to be fine.” Momo gripped her hand tightly, a single tear falling down her face.

“Momo, I need to tell you something before I go.” Y/n began speaking before Aizawa rushed through, followed by All Might, Present Mic, and Recovery Girl. “Oh my god kid, what did you do?” Aizawa sighed, leaning down next to her. “My arm and leg feel broken, and my entire body is aching.” She explained as Recovery Girl kissed her cheek. “If your leg is broken and she’s bleeding majorly, she needs to go to the hospital.” Recovery Girl explained as everyone’s eyes widened.

“Don’t worry kids! You’re friend will be just- Oh my god she needs to go to the hospital!” Present Mic pointed to the large red spot on her upper chest, blood bleeding through her hero suit. “I will fly you to the hospital Young Y/n! Do not fret! Say goodbye to your friends dear!” All Might picked up Y/n and began walking out. “Wait, Y/n! You need to tell me what you meant to say!” Momo began to chase them before All Might jumped off the ground, leaving her.

“No...” Momo murmured to herself before walking inside to see all of her depressed classmates. Mina sitting on the couch, wrapped in a blanket burrito, Kirishima and Denki being stitched up and healed by Recovery Girl and Present Mic, who really was just putting the Band-Aids on them, Bakugo sitting on the kitchen counter with the switch in his lap, except he was just staring at the wall. Aizawa was just sitting there, looking up at the sky in a train of thought.

Everyone was sad, and worried about Y/n. “You wouldn’t believe how cool she was. We turned the corner and he cut both of us. She managed to pull us off to the side of the alley for safety, and then managed to take him down, even with her entire arm not working. He was passed out when the cops arrived.” Kirishima smiled at the thought of his friend being such a manly female hero, and that she would always be able to protect herself and others.

“When the cops and heroes got there, they were so impressed. They saw how beat up she was, but she was still standing, and they were so impressed. FatGum came and literally started complimenting her left and right. The police said that if she hadn’t been there, he would have killed us...” Denki smiled, shaking Kirishima’s shoulder to try to shake him out of thought.

Momo began to walk to her dorm when she was stopped by Aizawa. “Yayorozu. I am aware that Y/n doesn’t have any close family that she is still in contact with. Am I right?” Aizawa asked as Momo wiped a tear from her cheek again, trying to put herself together for her teacher. “Yes Sensei. She’s not talking with anyone except her aunt who sends her money every month, and they’re not close by far.”

Aizawa sighed sadly, putting his phone back in his pocket. “Poor kid. Anyways, since you two are close, I would hope that you would feel alright helping her. All Might is at the hospital with her, and she’s going to have crutches and a broken arm, so if you could help her for a month that would be wonderful. You would have to get up earlier and help her walk to school and all of her c-” Momo jumped up, her eyes wide and full of glitter.

“I’ll do it Sensei! You can count on me, I’ll make sure she’s one-hundred-percent alright!” Momo smiled before running to the elevator and going to her dorm. ‘Strange child’ Aizawa thought before walking back to the main room. Momo sat down at her office, taking out a piece of paper. She was going to follow Denki’s advice for once, and follow her heart.

She got out a long piece of paper and began writing. She was going to write a love letter to Y/n, and it would be the best letter in the world if it killed Momo. She set the pen to paper, and signed it anonymously with Your Secret Admirer.

Momo rolled up the letter, put on her puffy jacket, Uggs, purse, and did something she thought she would never do. She snuck out of the dorms after hours. Momo did her best to quietly make her way out of the building, even if the elevator dinged louder than she would have liked it to. She walked out, and made sure to run once she could. If she was going to date Y/n, she would have to be more badass like her.

Running down the sidewalk and avoiding all the security, Momo found her way to the hospital Y/n was staying at. Using her sweet girl and innocent charms, Momo was easily able to get the old lady at the office to give her Y/n’s room number. As she walked down the empty, poorly lit halls that seemed like they were from a horror scene.

As she got to room 231, she stopped hesitantly before throwing the letter under the door and running out of the hospital, seeing the light inside of the room turn on in response. Momo ran the entire way home, not stopping until she was in the elevator. She sighed, letting herself lean on the wall as she thought about how she had been so secretive. That was until the elevator door opened to reveal Iida, Mina, Denki, and Kirishima all standing there with smirks on their face.

“I can let this time slip once Yayorozu… if you tell us where you were.” Iida smiled softly as Mina and the others grinned, winking and smiling at her cheesily. “I... didn’t go to see Y/n if that’s what your thinking. I just... went to the hospital.” She explained as they smiled, looking at each other as if they didn’t believe her. “Alright. Now everyone, goodnight!” Iida yelled out as everyone scattered back to their dorms, Momo included.

As she entered her room, she couldn’t help but feel so excited for Y/n’s return tomorrow. What would she say? What would she do? Momo didn’t care, but she was exhausted, and excited. All she wanted to do was make out with Y/n at that moment, but she would have to wait. She could only hope that everything would go okay tomorrow. As Momo slept, she felt happy and exhilarated as he began to dream.

The next day, Y/n’s return couldn't come soon enough. Denki and Kirishima happily got movies ready, Bakugo and Mina cooked, and Todoroki tried to comfort Momo as she waited on the couch for hours, just waiting. When All Might walked in, followed by Aizawa and Midnight walking with a Y/n on crutches. “Welcome back!” All Might yelled, before Y/n was almost knocked over by Momo jumping to hug her.

“Oh my god I missed you.” Y/n whispered, hugging her back tightly. “Me too. I talked to Aizawa and I’m not leaving your side until you’re 100% better!” Momo exclaimed as everyone in the class smirked at each other. The two girls were totally shipped together, yet oblivious to each other’s feelings. “Anyways, we have movies set up for you and food and everything ever! I also cleaned your room and did your homework for this week!”

Y/n and Momo ended up being surrounded by everyone as they ate Bakugo’s food and watched movies. Momo and Y/n ended up cuddling the entire time, receiving looks from their classmates the entire time. Of course everyone was almost too supportive, but it was hard to believe that those two weren’t making out by now. It was obvious they were into each other big time.

By the end of the night, Y/n was beyond tired. “I’m going to bed.” She murmured as Momo looked up, almost offended that she would end their cuddle session earlier than curfew. “Let me walk you to your room! What if you fall?” Momo began to get up before Y/n pushed her back down. “No, you need to relax. I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow.” She winked before walking away, leaving Momo blushing.

As soon as Y/n was out of her sight, she jumped up and ran to her room, going to get the second love letter than she had written that morning when she had been feeling poetic. As she walked out of her room, and to Y/n’s room, she looked behind herself to see everyone watching her, thumbs up and all. She sighed before walking to the room and beginning to slide the letter under the door.

Suddenly, Y/n opened the door to see Momo with the letter, smirking. She was in just her bra and athetlci shorts, and Momo couldn’t help but stare. “I knew it was you Mimi.” She smiled, grabbing Momo by the shirt and pulling her into the room, closing the door behind her. “W-what are you doing Y/n?” Momo asked, her face a whole cherry. “Well we wouldn’t want those nosy people to see us, would we?” Y/n asked before pulling Momo into a hot kiss.

Cute!!! Loved this!!! So sorry that this took forever for me to get to!!

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your-wings-of-freedom · 4 years

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♡ ~ 𝐑𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬 ~ ♡

~ 𝑈𝑝𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑎𝑠 𝑜𝑓 28𝑡ℎ 𝐴𝑢𝑔𝑢𝑠𝑡 2020~ 𝐼 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑤𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑒 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑟𝑢𝑙𝑒𝑠/𝑔𝑢𝑖𝑑𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑠 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑤𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑖𝑠 𝑑𝑖𝑓𝑓𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑛𝑡. 𝐼 𝑑𝑜 ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑒𝑛𝑗𝑜𝑦 𝑎𝑛𝑦 𝑤𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑚𝑎𝑦 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑟𝑒𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑑! 𝑆𝑝𝑒𝑎𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑜𝑓 𝑟𝑒𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑠,

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰:

I am but a little blog run by someone who works full time, has full-time commitments and is a permanently exhausted pigeon, so I ask for patience.

I tend to write 𝑎 𝑙𝑜𝑡. If you’re after an 800 word fic, I can’t limit myself when I just want to describe every aspect of the story XD

I am very insecure of my writing. I’ve come back after a year hiatus so - if you happen to like a story, I would appreciate it if you could let me know, even if it’s just via anon. It would mean the absolute world to me.

I’m a very nice, friendly and lonely person so please don’t be afraid to pop into my inbox for whatever reason. Literally just message me like we’ve been friends forever, it’s the best thing!

𝐑𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬:

Please be patient and respectful. Any hate sent via DM or Anon Ask will be ignored as I will not give in to the satisfaction of answering.

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞𝐬: I LOVE Hurt-Comfort fluff the most, but (by default as well), I write romance, fluff. I’m not good with too much angst nor with other genres, so I apologise if this is very bland. I just love my comfort-feels and wholesome feels.

I’ll only write Reader x one character. I’m not good with doing multiple characters.

𝐒𝐦𝐮𝐭: Admittedly, I’ve never written it before, but I’m willing to try and write it for you if it’s something you want to request. But keep it vanilla/basic for me as I will not write anything too complicated or BDSM-wise.

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬: So far I’m only confident writing Levi and Reiner. Please don’t request anyone else. Again, I’m sorry if it’s a very limited blog to you.

𝐑𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬: I will try my best to write requests in order but it depends on inspiration/motivation. I might be more inspired to write one fic than the other but I will get to your fic! More complex plot requests might take longer. If there is a request I feel I cannot do, I will privately answer and let you know rather than having you wait for it to be written and it never will.

𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐬: If you’d like to be tagged in stories, please let me know! (this will honestly be the highlight in my ask/inbox!). If you have a specific character you want to be tagged in their stories - just let me know!

𝐓𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐒𝐮𝐛𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐬: I am more than happy to write them on the proviso that it’s from a healing/recovery point of view and not explicitly detailing the action of it happening (if that makes sense). And, of course, as long as I feel comfortable writing it. Some subjects I won’t due to not being well-educated on it and fear I may give misleading information. But I will privately reply to you if this is the case.

Will 𝐍𝐎𝐓 Write: Pedophilia, Rape etc. for obvious reasons.

𝐅𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦𝐬:

I write for other fandoms too! I even have a separate blog for one of them if you’d like to head over and see my style of writing; Bleeding Thirium

Detroit: Become Human (Blog: Bleeding Thirium) - Gavin Reed, RK900, Hank Anderson

Marvel: Bucky Barnes [Including 1940s - but please specify]

Harry Potter: Sirius Black, Severus Snape

OHSHC: Kyoya Ootori

Fruits Basket: Hatori Sohma

𝐎𝐂𝐬:

I also have two main OCs that I am happy to write with a x reader for you (Something new/different I thought I’d do) I’ve never done this before outside of roleplay!

𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐞: Gay surgeon who’s a wholesome guy. Dedicated to his job. Losing patients hits him real hard. Has had three serious relationships but they all left him after promising him that they understood his position, but in the end, they couldn’t handle his long hours and constant cancelling of plans. He has a heart of gold, needs someone to love him, will dote on the person and just very caring. (If you have female pronouns, I’m happy to write it from a big brother/mentor point of view).

𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬: Straight SWAT Captain. He’s a widower who lost his wife in a car accident. He’s also lost his brother and Dad to fighting in the war. He’s stoic, serious but will deeply love and adore his S/O. He has a lot of old-fashioned values (think a romanticized 1940s era but in a modern setting!)

So there we have it! I apologise if it’s a lot to read. But you’ve made it this far - so it can’t be all bad! I’m super friendly, I promise. So please don’t hesitate to pop in my inbox or ask box! Thank you lovely person! I hope you have a wonderful day/evening! Much love xxx

#your-wings-of-freedom #your-wings-of-freedom-rules

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somethingusefulfromflorida · 5 years

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Assassin’s Greed: The Story of Charles Guiteau

My favorite historical figure has got to be presidential assassin Charles Guiteau, a person you’ve likely never heard of. You probably know John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald, but Guiteau (pronounced get-oh) is not a household name. Where Booth and Oswald shot famous presidents, Guiteau shot James Garfield, who had served for only four months at the time and is best known for having been assassinated. Guiteau was cartoonishly twisted, with delusions of grandeur and a Type A god complex. He believed himself to be faultless, guiltless, a renaissance man, a master political advisor, and perhaps even the Third Coming of Christ (yes, third; you’ll see what I mean below). His life story sounds like something scripted to be as pathetic and conceited as possible, and it would be funny were it not so tragic.

So come with me on an adventure back to the gay old days of the 19th century, so we can delve into the mind of America’s least favorite assassin. Strap in, cause this is a long one.

Charles Julius Guiteau was born in 1841 to a family of French descent (you may have been able tell because he’s an -eau). Despite this, it is important to remember that he never learned to speak a word of French. Keep that in mind. He flunked out of school because he never felt the need to study for any exams. He was convinced he already had perfect knowledge on any given subject, “why fix what ain’t broken?”

In 1860, he joined a cult because his dad was friends with the leader. (Side note: this cult would later dissolve when a tornado destroyed their headquarters, transforming into a company that made spoons. This has nothing to do with the story, I just thought it was funny). This cult coined the phrase “free love,” which at the time just meant everyone was allowed, nay, encouraged, to bone everyone else; older women were ordered to act as “sexual mentors” for adolescent boys because they were the least likely to conceive. It was messed up. The cult also thought that Jesus had already come a second time, in 70 AD, so they had free reign on Earth to do whatever they wanted with no consequences. The end of days had come and gone, so it was smooth sailing from here on out.

Guiteau idolized the cult leader, believing him to be the perfect man in every way. The cult leader however believed Guiteau was unstable and unfit for the community. Do you know how messed up you have to be to get kicked out of a cult? People were so put off by his behavior that they gave him the nickname “Charles Get-Out,” and when he sued the leader for mistreatment his dad wrote a long apology letter saying “I’m sorry my son’s a weirdo, please don’t think less of me for it.”

He became a lawyer by sheer blind luck, barely passing his bar exam because he just so happened to work as a clerk at the Chicago law firm in question. He lost the one and only case he argued in court, and spent the rest of his career as a corrupt bill collector. He short-changed all of his clients, overcharging and under-refunding, pocketing the difference before skipping town to avoid the police. He did this often, hopping from town to town and leaving right before they could run him out on a rail.

In 1872 he endorsed Horace Greeley for president against incumbent Ulysses S. Grant; both men were Republicans, but Greeley caucused with the southern Democrats and became their nominee. He lost in a landslide, and died less than a month after the election, but again, that’s not important to the story. What is important is that Guiteau was convinced that had Greeley become president, he would have rewarded Guiteau’s endorsement with a federal appointment. Guiteau was just some schmuck, a nobody, but he believed that his approval was somehow the most important thing a candidate could receive, and that they would be undyingly grateful for it.

Guiteau believed that he was ordained by God to spread His word, and so concluded that his own word was therefore the word of God. He tried to start his own cult, plagiarizing the text from the cult leader he idolized, but it never got off the ground. In 1877 he was on a boat that collided with another; theirs sunk, but his made it back to port, so he was further convinced that his life had been spared for a higher purpose. If Christ had come again in 70 AD, Guiteau believed he had returned for the Third time this very day. At this point, his dad thought he was possessed by the devil.

You could say they didn’t exactly see eye to eye.

1880 comes along, he’s been embezzling and stealing even more money from even more cities, avoiding consequences all the while, and decides to once again throw his hat in the ring of politics. He endorses Grant for a third nonconsecutive term, despite having “campaigned” against him in 1872. Guitaeu changed his mind with Orwellian confidence, “oh, I always supported Grant, Greeley was destined to lose, I knew it and actually did my best to make sure his campaign floundered, I was always looking out for my main man Ulysses!”

Guiteau handed out leaflets and gave a speech endorsing Grant to basically no one; he may as well have just stood on a street corner shouting his opinion at passersby. Grant lost the nomination to one Congressman James Garfield, so Guiteau took the leaflets, crossed out Grant’s name, wrote in Garfield’s, and continued passing them out. The rest of the text remained the same though, so it made no sense, praising Garfield for leading the Union Army to victory during the Civil War, and saying he deserved a third term despite this being his first time running. Garfield won the presidency, and Guiteau was absolutely convinced that it was because of his leaflets. “What else could it have been?”

March 1881: Being wholly responsible for Garfield’s election, he starts writing him fan letters singing his own praise. “As you already know, I got you elected (you’re welcome, by the way). I did this out of the kindness of my heart, and all I ask in return, all I feel I deserve, is an ambassadorship. France will do nicely, I’ve always wanted to live in Paris!” As you remember, he can’t speak a word of French, “but I can learn on the job! I’m the best at learning things, but I’m sure you already know that about me. I look forward to our partnership. Your biggest fan, Charles.”

No word from the president, but Guiteau doesn’t worry. He just writes more letters. “Didn’t hear back from you, don’t know if you read my first letter, but just in case you didn’t, I’ll recap; you won because of me, I’m ready for my federal job whenever you are. Thanks and you’re welcome. Your smartest and most qualified fan, Charles.”

Still nothing. He moved to Washington, DC and became a homeless vagrant. He went from house to house, spending a night, eating the food, then leaving before rent was due; classic Guiteau! The White House kept ignoring his letters, so he decided to take matters into his own hands and personally confront the Secretary of State. “I’m sure you’ve read my correspondences, you know my qualifications, I am ready to go to Paris, just say the word.”

“Oh my God, we’re not giving you a federal job, stop writing us letters, leave the president alone, you’re a total nutjob.”

Guiteau was heartbroken. He couldn’t understand how Garfield could be such an ingrate! “I gave everything for that man, I sacrificed so much, and this is how he thanks me? I campaigned for him, I gave speeches, I handed out, like, so many leaflets!” He felt ignored, he felt BETRAYED. “How dare he? How DARE he?!? He owes me! He’s got to be the least considerate person on the planet! I put him office, I-” At this, he had a horrible realization. “Oh my God, I put him in office... He’s only there because of me... It’s all my fault! I gave this bastard the key to the White House... I gave him the nuclear codes!” [Guiteau was again misinformed, because nuclear weapons wouldn’t be invented for another 64 years] “I’ve created a monster! I put him there, and only I can take him out! I need to assassinate President Garfield.”

And so the pieces begin to fall into place.

He borrows money from his brother-in-law to buy a gun at a pawn shop. He believed God was telling him to kill the president; either that or he was telling God that the president needed to die and was just giving Him a heads up. At the pawnshop he specifically chose an expensive revolver with an ivory handle because he thought it would look better in the display case of the museum they would eventually build for him. He even managed to haggle down the price one whole dollar (about $26 today, so good on him, master deal maker).

July 2, 1881. President Garfield arrived at a train station in DC, and Guiteau is there waiting for him. He had no body guard because this was the 1880s, and nobody thought someone would be crazy enough to shoot the president in peacetime. The only government employee present with Garfield was the Secretary of War, a young man by the name of Robert Todd Lincoln. Yes, that Robert Todd Lincoln, son of Abraham, the first and so far only president to be assassinated. And he got to witness the second, firsthand.

Guiteau shot Garfield twice, but only wounded him; he fell to the ground, bleeding but very much alive. Despite this, Guiteau was confident the job was done. “Don’t worry everyone, you don’t need to panic, the tyrant is dead, you can thank me later.” The police ran at him, “officers, please, take the former president’s body away, it’s bleeding all over the train station. He’s as much a nuisance dead as he was alive, am I right? Wait, why do you have those batons?” The tackled him to the ground, as police are wont to do to people who shoot the president. “Okay, o-ho-ho-kay, I get it, you guys need to put on a show for the crowds. I understand, I shouldn’t have used a gun in public, I should’ve waited until I could had him alone, I get it, you don’t need to be so rough with me. Listen, just talk to President Arthur, he’ll have my back, I just put him in office, he’ll vouch for me, it’s cool.”

Garfield lived for two more months, wasting away in agony from infection because his doctors didn’t even think about washing their hands. They would poke around his bullet holes with their fingers to fish out fragments, poking organs, tearing muscle, just making it much worse than it needed to be. Garfield may have survived if they had just left him alone; years later, Teddy Roosevelt would be similarly shot, and survived with the bullet in his chest for seven years. Garfield died on September 19, 1881, at which point Guiteau was officially charged with murder.

Being a lawyer, he wanted to represent himself in court, but he was appointed a public defender instead. The defender quit after a week because Guiteau was impossible to work with, so his brother-in-law came on as his new lawyer; he wasn’t a criminal defense lawyer, just another bill collector like Guiteau, he was literally the only person willing to help him out for free. Guiteau claimed he was not guilty by reason of insanity, that God had possessed him, simply using his body as an avatar and smite Garfield. “It was divine intervention, nothing could be done to stop it, it was out of my hands.”

He made a mockery of the trial, cursing at everyone from the judge to the jury to his own lawyer to the crowd. He ignored his lawyer and started asking courtroom spectators for their advice, he wrote his testimony in the form of poems and delivered them to the captive audience. He reveled in being the center of attention, ignoring the fact that literally everyone hated him for killing the president. He expected a swift acquittal, and started planning his own campaign for president for 1884, “President Arthur owes me for putting him in office, so I’m sure he’ll step aside and let me run in his place, it’s the least he could do. Maybe I’ll choose him as my running mate, I haven’t decided yet.”

January 1882, he was found guilty and sentenced to death, to which he responded by calling the jury a bunch of “consummate jackasses” (and yes, that’s the real, actual quote, no joke). He was dragged out of the court, screaming obscenities at everyone within earshot. He wasn’t worried though, because he was convinced Arthur would pardon him.

In jail, he composed more poems singing his praise, “Ding dong, the witch is dead! Which old witch? The Garfield witch! Ding dong, the Garfield witch is dead!” Arthur didn’t pardon him, so he called him an even worse ingrate than Garfield; Guiteau tried to appeal his case so he could shoot Arthur too, but it was rejected for obvious reasons.

June 30, 1882, he is led to the gallows to be hanged. For his last words, he delivered yet another poem, this time an epic ballad about how he was now leaving this mortal coil to return to the kingdom of Heaven. Entitled “I am going to the Lordy,” it had a second or third grade reading level, with lines like “I wonder what I’ll do when I get to the Lordy?” and “I saved the party, glory Hallelujah.” He wanted to have a full orchestra come and give the piece musical accompaniment, but the jail told him no, again for obvious reasons. He didn’t even write music for it, he just thought it was so inspiring that the orchestra would know exactly what he intended and improvise something great.

He read the poem out loud to the crowd gathered to see him die, and was so overcome by how good it was that he broke down crying multiple times, “I’m such a genius!” He may or may not have done a little jig to go along with it, as you do when delivering the world’s greatest poem about the world’s greatest man.

Black hood, noose, trapdoor, neck snap, dead.

The jail refused to turn over his body to his family because they were too poor for a proper burial service (he had wasted all of their money on his defense). An autopsy showed that he was unable to retract his foreskin, so doctors theorized that was what drove him crazy enough to kill the president. Gotta love 19th century psychology; Freud has been largely discredited in 2019, but in 1882 he wasn’t even credited yet, he was just some random doctor, not famous for anything.

The warden sold pieces of Guiteau’s noose as souvenirs, and eventually disinterred the corpse to donate to a museum so people could pay money to see the man who shot the president. They cut out his brain to figure out what was wrong with him; one of its membranes was thicker than normal, possibly syphilitic, and modern medical professionals debate over which topical mental illness he likely had (some say schizophrenia, most agree that Narcissistic Personality Disorder had a huge part to play). They also spit-polished his skeleton and turned it into a dummy to hang up in the corner of a science class, but for some reason they hid it away in a storage room rather than giving it to a university as intended.

And so ends the story of Charles Julius Guiteau. He was a man without reason, without honor, without a lick of common sense or self-awareness. I feel bad for him because despite how horrible a person he was, he was clearly sick and needed help at a time when no such help existed. His life story is comical and tragic. He’ll never be as well known as John Wilkes Booth or Lee Harvey Oswald, and that’s probably for the best. A fitting end for a narcissist, to be mostly forgotten by history.

His gun isn’t even in a museum, the police eventually misplaced it. And I’m sure THAT is what he’d be most mad about today.

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tyrannysaurusfloof · 5 years

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Masterlist

This is a list of all my fics, all fandoms, complete, WIPs, oneshots, from my old blog and from this blog. It does not include prompts I’ve written on this blog, search the tag “prompts” on my blog for those.

Jacksepticeye/Markiplier Egos

The Devil Beside You (WIP) Mark has to move, again, and this time the house he chooses is already occupied…but not by natural forces. When the two finally clash, Mark manages to come out on top, until Jack ends up getting involved. When things finally settle, the two are left with a major problem - how do they manage their demons? Characters; Mark Fischbach, Sean McLoughlin, Signe Hansen, Amy Nelson, Darkiplier, Antisepticeye, Original Characters. Pairings: Amyplier, Septishuu, Danti. Warnings: None that I can think of.

A New Homeworld (WIP) During a hiatus from Youtube, Mark travels out into the desert in search of some peace and quiet. A crash in the middle of the night thrusts Mark into the middle of a terrifying roller coaster ride with a being that he never thought he would ever meet in his entire life - an alien. His life is set for some interesting changes - for better or worse? That’s anyone’s guess. Characters: Dark, Mark, Amy, Wilford, Author, The Government. Pairing: Dark/Mark, Platonic familial Dark/Wilford/Author, Platonic Dark/Amy Warnings: Mentions of injuries.

Draconis (Unum Maledictus) (WIP) The legend of the dragon stretches far over the Kingdom of Oa’hule and the people are bound to the sacrifices the beast demands in order to secure their safety. Prince Mark grows tired of this constant sacrifice, and takes it upon himself to stop the dragon, but it is soon revealed to him the true monsters are closer to home. History is written by the victors, after all. Characters: Dark, Prince Mark, Prince Wilford, King Marc, Prince William, Prince Thomas, Amy, Kathryn, Tyler, Ethan and Chica. Pairing: Dark/Mark, Platonic familial Darkstache, Familial Dark/William/Marc (a different one for the main Prince) Warnings: Mentions of sacrifice and death.

Once Bitten, Never Shy Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Bite Night, Danger Mark meets a mysterious man that turns his life upside down, and is a serious pain in the neck. Characters: Dark, Mark, miscellaneous others. Pairing: Dark/Mark. Warnings: Violence, vampires, blood.

Magic Manipulation Series Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four. Jackieboy has been fighting against one villain for the longest time, and the identity of that villain is about to be revealed...to the heartbreak of all. Characters: Jackieboy, Marvin the Magnificent, Darkiplier, Antisepticeye, the Jims. Pairings: Marvelsepticeye. Warnings: None that I know of.

Pride and Regret Series Characters: Darkiplier, Antisepticeye, other Egos Pairings: Danti. Warnings: Toxic relationships, torture, gore, manipulation. Leave. And Never Come Back Anonymous asked:“Leave. And never come back.” With Danti….? Cause GAY ANGST!!! I Can’t Wait to See you Bleed Anonymous asked:❝I can’t wait to see you bleed. It’s only a tenth of how I feel.“ starter with Danti but a continuation of Leave and never come back if its ok? Warnings: Torture, gore, manipulation. I loved you, I loved you...Why? “I loved you! I loved you… why…?” Dark to Anti? (I love this story line that you are doing!) Did You Think I’d Let You See Another Person? Anonymous asked:Could you do the “Did you think I would let you see another person? Really?” prompt as a continuation of the “I loved you! I loved you…why..?” Danti story, please? Or is that sorta over with? (Kinda want Dark to get his tongue back somehow, don’t know how its possible tho) -awkward asking anon You Deserve It, Don’t Kid Yourself Anonymous asked:Hey, so. I am addicted to your writings, you’re so talented! Do you think you could do “You deserve this. You deserve it. Don’t kid yourself” with the Danti storyline? Maybe it is Dark having a break-down while waiting to see if Anti will come back? I’m So In Love Or mayhaps “I’m so in love with him, I don’t know what to do” from Anti’s perspective of the story? Sorry if this isn’t clear I’m in two minds at the moment I just love the story so much! -awkward asking anon You’re Wearing My Clothes Anonymous asked:Can you do an danti make up fluff to the last angst of them where anti cut off dark’s tongue. With dark telling anti: “No, like…. It’s just, I can’t believe you’re actually wearing my clothes.” With this fluff sentence starter.

Amnesia (In Memoria) Series 1. An Act of Self-Defence Summary: Mark shoots in self defence. Characters: Darkiplier, Antisepticeye, Mark Fischbach, Sean Mcloughlin (brief), Signe Hansen (brief) Pairings: Danti Warnings: Gun violence 2. Resurgence Summary: Mark shot in self-defence. Anti waits with patience. Things don’t always go according to plan. Characters: Antisepticeye, Darkiplier, Mark Fischbach, Sean McLoughlin, Signe Hansen (brief) Pairings: Danti Warnings: Anxiety, Amnesia, Violence

Darkiplier vs Antisepticeye (You Gave Me a Reason) (Living Together AU) Anti is done with not having access to Jack’s channel, and it leads to a bad situation between them. When he runs away to Dark, the other Ego has an idea on how to fix the problem Anti is having, and it’s rather light-hearted. Characters: Darkiplier, Antisepticeye, Markiplier, Jacksepticeye Pairings: Danti, Dark & Mark Warnings: None.

Kneeling at My Predetermined Grave Dark didn’t believe he was capable of love, but the petals on his pillow tell a different story. Characters: Darkiplier, Mark Fischbach, Antisepticeye Pairings: Dark/Mark (One-sided), Danti (Implied) Warnings: Hanahaki Disease, Unrequited Love

Coughing Up Flowers and Wasted Breath Hanahaki fic with the opposite twist to “Kneeling at my Predetermined Grave” Characters: Mark, Dark Pairings: Mark/Dark Warnings: Hanahaki Disease, Unrequited Love

Retrograde Mark is used to scam threats via email, but when Dark ends up kidnapped by someone the threats become very real. Rescuing Dark may not be difficult, but the damage runs deeper than just simple torture. Characters: Darkiplier, Mark Fischbach, Tyler Scheid (minor), Ethan Nestor (minor), Dr Iplier (minor). Pairings: Dark/Mark Warnings: Torture, Kidnapping, Minor Character Death, Temporary Amnesia

Welcome to the Red Room Censored Version, Uncensored Version The only experience Dark has with Red Rooms is via video games, but he’s about to get a taste of what the Red Room really is. Can Anti save him in time? Characters: Darkiplier, Antisepticeye Pairings: Danti Warnings: Red Room, Torture, Electric Torture, Ripping out nails, Eye Trauma, Beating, Broken Bones, Hurt/Comfort, Tooth Extraction

Becoming Series Wilford, Darkiplier, Markiplier. Small stories about how Wilford, Dark and Mark became who they are today. Characters: Wilford Warfstache, Darkiplier, Markiplier Warnings: None.

All I Want for Christmas is Santa Part 1, Part 2, Part 3. The Septic Egos finally figure out what Christmas is...with a little help from the Survival Hunter. Characters: Angus the Survival Hunter, Robbie, Antisepticeye, Dr Schneeplestein, Chase Brody, Marvin the Magnificent, Jackieboy Man, Jackesepticeye. Pairings: Implied Angsti. Warnings: None.

Fever Dreams Based on a headcanon that floated around a little while ago, Damien comes from a broken home, and William has to help him through that. Characters: Damien, William. Pairings: Implied Dilliam. Warning for referenced child abuse

Caring for the Broken Part 1, Part 2, Following the events in Markiplier Mansion, Dark has many, many problems...and one day, those problems could become permanent. Characters: Dark, Wilford. Pairings: Darkstache Warnings: Paralysis, implied character death, implied possession.

What the House Wants As children, nothing ever seemed wrong with the house that Mark lived in, until Damien’s chance encounter with something that lives inside the house and he finds out the secret of the mansion - death is not permanent. And that...leads to concerns for Damien when the future unfolds. Characters: Damien, William, Mark. Warnings: Suicide

When Life Falls Apart Wilford is determined to find out the truth of where he came from, and where his memories disappear to, despite all of Dark’s attempts to stop it. And Wilford’s plot to get his memories back puts so many people in the firing line, including Marvin, Jackie, Dark and Wilford himself. Characters: Wilford Warfstache, Darkiplier, Marvin the Magnificent, Jackieboy Man, Celine, Damien. Pairings: Darkstache, Marvelsepticeye. Warnings: mental breakdown, gun violence, character death, corpses

Stricken Voice Siren Mark escapes turbulent seas and a dangerous villain and runs into Elven Jack, who is not a big fan of the Elven lifestyle he’s stuck with. Characters: Siren!Mark, Elf!Jack, Siren!Dark. Pairings: Septiplier Warnings: None.

The Keg-stand Incident Dark’s past as Damien - and the experience on the Kegstand - comes to light during an ego meeting. Characters: Dark, Wilford, other egos Pairings: Darkstache

Mindless Indulgance A little bit of Angus/Reader Slightly NSFW Characters: Angus, Y/N Reader Insert Pairings: Angus/Reader Warnings: None.

Blind Magic Marvin the Magnficent and the Host spend some soft times together Characters: The Host, Marvin the Magnificent. Pairings: Marvin/Host Warnings: None.

Comfort Zones Chase wants to go a little further with Bing...and Bing isn’t sure it’s the right way. Characters: Chase Brody, Bingiplier Pairings: Bingaverage Warnings: Dubcon, NSFW

It Hurts dilliphowlter asked:Hi there! I just read a bunch of your writing and it’s SO GREAT! I’m not sure if you’re still taking prompts, but I was curious if you could do ❝It hurts–stop it! STOP IT!❞ with Wilford possibly being yelled at/hurt in some way by Dark? If not, it’s totally fine. I hope you have a nice day! Characters: Wilford, Darkiplier, William, Damien. Pairings: Darkstache. Warnings: Nightmares, panic.

Old Wounds Anti gets up close and personal with wounds from Dark’s past. Characters: Antisepticeye, Darkiplier Pairings: Danti Warnings: None.

Nightmares The new dimension to Dark/Wil’s relationship. Characters: Darkiplier, Wilford, William, Damien. Pairings: Darkstache Warnings: Nightmares.

Accidents Happen Wilford doesn’t understand death, and how could he considering the place he lost his mind? And when his trigger finger slips, Dark pays ultimate consequences. Characters: Darkiplier, Wilford, Dr Iplier, other Egos Warnings: None.

Duvet Day Duvet days with Danti Characters: Dark, Anti Pairings: Danti Warnings: None.

Unspoken Words Damien sees William for the first time in a long time when the Colonel walks through the doors at the reunion party they’d all been invited to at Markiplier Manor. There are so many things he wants to say, but he knows there will be time later. Right now, he wants to spend time with William. Characters: Damien, William, other WKM characters Pairings: Dilliam Warnings: None.

That’s Not my Name The other Egos don’t understand the connotations of the name “Damien”, until Dark breaks at the sound of the name and Wilford has to step in. It’s not his name. Characters: Dark, Wilford, Silver Shepherd, Ed, Bim. Pairings: Darkstache. Warnings: None.

Take Back Control Part One, Part Two, Part Three. Dark steps in to take control and Mark fights back. Characters: Dark, Mark, Teamiplier. Warnings: Possessions.

The Waiting Game Dark was not a patient man, but he knew how to wait. Characters: Dark, Mark. Warnings: None.

Let Sleeping Demons Lie Mark finds Dark asleep at his computer, editing videos for Mark to give the man some time to rest because he definitely overworks himself. And Mark takes his demon boyfriend back to bed. Very fluffy. Characters: Dark, Mark. Pairings: Dark/Mark Warnings: None.

Secondary Objective Engage Google is very protective of Y/N, and when movie night at the Egos turns into a night of jokes against you, Google’s “secondary objective” engages. You have to stop him, before he kills them all. Characters: Google, Y/N, Dark, Wilford, Bim, Dr Iplier, Ed, Silver. Warnings: Violence, Google’s “Secondary Objective”.

Unexpected Housemate Dark finds out that Anti is hiding a new member of the family, and Anti is surprised when Dark let’s them stay. Characters: Dark, Anti Pairings: Danti. Warnings: None.

Cookies It’s Anti’s Anniversary, and Dark is currently putting all his skills into baking something sweet in celebration. Characters: Dark, Anti. Pairings: Danti Warnings: None.

Apologies Highschool AU where Dark is Mark’s big brother and takes revenge on bullies after his little bro. Characters: Dark, Mark, Unnamed bullies. Warnings: Bullying, violence.

Happy Antiversary Angus gives Anti something for his “anniversary” as Anti mopes. Characters: Anti, Angus, other JSE Egos mentioned. Pairings: Angsti. Warnings: None.

The Mayor and the Colonel Damien faces some feelings about the Colonel, and his feelings in response. Characters: William, Damien, Mark. Pairings: Dilliam Warnings: None.

Sleeping Arrangements Dark and Wilford share a bed, but their arrangement is not always great. Characters: Dark, Wilford Pairings: Platonic Darkstache Warnings: None.

I Can’t Stand to See You "I can’t stand to see you. Get up and leave. And clean this mess up before you do.” Characters: Dark, Wilford Pairings: Darkstache Warnings: Angst.

In Sickness DarkMark Softs featuring Sick Dark

Take Care of Your Human DarkMark Softs featuring sick Mark

Sanders Sides

Adventures in Babysitting (WIP) Roman, Logan and Patton Sanders are enjoying their quiet life as brothers in Florida with their dad Hugh and their Uncle Thomas. When Thomas gets surprising news from England, their family grows as one more member joins them - Thomas’ son, Virgil Prince, recently released from a Secure Children’s Home into Thomas’ care after not seeing his father for over 12 years. The three brothers are excited, and as Virgil learns where to fit in with his new family, there are a lot of adventures to be had. Characters: Virgil, Roman, Logan, Patton, Thomas, Remy Sanders (and a few other OCs for good measure) Pairing: Platonic LAMP/Polyampsanders, Platonic Thomas & the Sides Warnings: Mentioned violent crime (may change as more chapters get added)

Snake Bite Part 1, Part 2, Part 3. Summary: Virgil should be more concerned by the random snake in his room, and the fact that it bit him. He should. But his family are good at calming him down, and there’s one Side in particular that doesn’t want to feed his concern. Characters: Virgil, Roman, Patton, Logan, Thomas and Deceit. Pairings: Platonic LAMP, Platonic LAMP & Thomas. Warning: Implied Character Death, Fear of Death, Lowkey Panic, Character Injury.

The Mystery of the Missing Shirts Logan, Roman and Patton’s pyjama shirts start to go missing, and they work together to try to come to the bottom of it. Pairing: Platonic LAMP/Polyamsanders (could also be read as romantic) Warnings: None, just lots of fluff.

Halloween Pranks Unlike Thomas, Virgil is actually pretty good at makeup, as Patton accidently finds out. And when he does, it gives him the perfect idea with Halloween just around the corner Pairing: Platonic Moxiety really Warnings: None.

The Most Dynamic Duo A little short based off the discussion between Patton and Thomas at the nd of the most recent Sanders Side video.Cute little platonic Moxiety C:

Sleeping Patterns When Thomas is relaxed, Virgil finds it easy to nap and catch up on lost out sleep. His sleeping pattern is all over the place and Patton does not approve when he finds out. Determined to change it, he finds it a lot more difficult than he intended, not only because the premise of napping with Virgil - and knowing he was trusted to see the anxious side in such a vulnerable state - is hard to refuse, but Patton likes naps. And he ends up napping with Virgil more than he intended to.

In This Together Following the newest Sanders Sides episode I wanted to write some soft platonic!Moxiety. It helped me get back into the writing game

Crossovers

Pistrix (Human Sides AU) (Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, End) A lone mansion sat on the cliff overlooking the sea. Locals told stories of the sea monster that called the mansion it’s home, and affected all around it, including the abandoned beach. It could be summoned, they said, by a single person sitting on the beach at night, as someone said a prayer to the cracked mirror in the hallway of the mansion. When Roman hears of these rumours, he wants to explore the house, and summon the monster from the depths. Unluckily for Virgil, he’s the one chosen to sit on the beach and wait for the monster to appear. And when it seems to take a liking to him, Virgil learns that the sea is a treacherous place. Characters: Virgil, Dark, Roman, Logan, Patton, Deceit. Pairing: Platonic LAMP/Polyampsanders, Dark/Virgil

The Sleeping Series: Help Me Sleep (1), Let Me Sleep (2), Comfort in Sleep (3), Questions Without Answers (4), Deceptions (5), The Dangers of a Good Nights Sleep (6), We Will All Have Restful Sleep (7). Characters: Virgil, Dark, Antisepticeye, Patton, Roman, Logan, Deceit.

Buzzfeed Unsolved

From a God, With Love “Only a Soulmate can see your scars” - Shane Madej learnt there was something special about scars as a child, but he didn’t believe in soulmates over love. Ryan Bergara wears all his scars with pride and believes that one day he will find his perfect match. When they see each other’s scars for the first time, things are revealed to be a lot more complicated than it seems, and Shane’s scars have a deeper meaning than just revealing his soulmate. As a child Shane had spoken to the darkness, and the darkness had spoken back. Characters: Shane Madej, Ryan Bergara, Amadeus. Pairing: Shyan. Warnings: Attempted demonic possession, nightmares, gore, implied character death. (shit got real xD)

A Family Affair (WIP) Warnings: implied child abuse, referenced child abuse, referenced character death. AN: I’ve wanted to post a bit from mine and @authorsathenaeum AU where demon!Shane becomes the adoptive father of Ryan and Jake after killing their parents, and raises them, with magic and twists galore. So, here it is! A bit of my WIP. No disrespect to Ryan and Jake’s actual parents btw, it’s just a story.

Shyan/Tinsworth (Romantic or Platonic) AU Idea Time Travelling CC Tinsley!Shane and Reborn Ricky Goldsworth.

Star Wars (Sequel Sequels aka the Force Awakens onward)

A Father’s Legacy When Kylo Ren met Major Armitage Hux for the first time he did not expect to find him looking after an eleven-month-old, copper haired baby. Left as the primary carer of his baby brother by his father in his will when Brendol passed, Hux’s life is thrown into chaos. Sent to confirm Hux is still able to act as General - a role that had all but been his before the appearance of the child - Kylo soon confirms he is, which Snoke never doubted, but this in itself comes with a new problem - Kylo Ren and General Hux, waging war while looking after a child. Kylo has never felt so unprepared in his life. Hux seconds that. Characters: Armitage Hux, Kylo Ren, Clan Techie, Captain Phasma, Snoke, Brendol Hux Pairings: Kylux, Hux and Techie Warnings: NSFW, Choking, Force Choking, Inappropriate Use of the Force.

Oculorum In a routine mission after the destruction of Starkiller Base, General Hux is shot out of the sky. While suspended in death he meets a ghost claiming to be Anakin Skywalker that reveals a plan to resurrect Hux and use him to rescue Kylo from Snoke’s influence. When Hux wakes again he’s alive, but true to his word, he’s being haunted by the ghost of Anakin Skywalker, who wants nothing more than to help Kylo. But as both have learnt throughout life, things don’t always go according to plan. Characters: Armitage Hux, Kylo Ren, Anakin Skywalker, Snoke Pairings: Kylux, Armitage Hux & Anakin Skywalker, Kylo & Anakin Skywalker Warnings: Posession.

Messages to the Universes Series Regretful Message Hiding from the Resistance should be easy when they already believe they’ve killed you. But when you’re General Armitage Hux and you can’t seem to recall becoming Emperor to the entire Galaxy, it becomes a little more difficult. Characters: Armitage Hux, Kylo Ren, “Brendol” Hux, Clan Techie, Matt the Radar Technician, Knights of Ren, Stormtroopers. Pairings: Kylux, Techie/Matt Warnings: Temporary Amnesia, Hand jobs, Smut, Mental Instability, Character Death. Musical Surprise Kylo surprises Hux with a serenade of his favourite song. Characters: Kylo Ren, Armitage Hux Pairings: Kylux Warnings: None

Here We Go Kylo Ren doesn’t know to deal with the feelings brought on by Han Solo’s death. Snoke decides to send him to General Hux to find out how to deal with family murder. Characters: Armitage Hux, Kylo Ren, Brendol Hux, Han Solo (mentioned), Snoke (mentioned). Pairings: Kylux Warnings: Patricide.

Sharpshooter When Snoke sends Hux on a secret mission Kylo learns something new about the General he assumed had no military training except for the studies he did in books. It draws them closer together and Kylo thinks they’d make an unstoppable team. But fate has other plans for them. Characters: Armitage Hux, Kylo Ren, Captain Phasma, Snoke, Stormtrooper Characters. Pairings: Kylux Warning: Loss of Limbs, Implied/Referenced Drug Use

Broken Chains Hux has been harbouring a secret. When it’s revealed Kylo has a lot of decisions to make. Characters: Armitage Hux, Kylo Ren, Snoke, Sheev Palpatine (mentioned), Darth Vader (mentioned) Pairings: Kylux Warnings: Implied/Referenced Character Death, Manipulation.

Thalassophilia Red hair was uncommon on Alderaan but it wasn’t unheard of. It was a different story on the exotic island of Naboo. Han said that people born with red hair on Naboo were called “children of the se” because they were usually born close to the ocean, and had rich, sea coloured eyes. Ben Solo falls in love with the sea. Or rather, he falls in love with red-headed Armitage, who comes from the sea. Characters: Armitage Hux, Ben Solo, Leia Organa (minor), Han Solo (minor), Anakin Skywalker (minor), Padme Amidala (minor) Pairings: Kylux Warnings: None

Sick Hux returns from a mission on Arkanis, and Kylo knows immediately something is wrong with him. Characters: Armitage Hux, Kylo Ren, Stormtrooper Characters, Brendol Hux Pairings: Kylux Warnings: None

Loss Hux and Kylo are ordered by Snoke to go on a mission together. Things don’t go as planned with disastrous consequences. Characters: Armitage Hux, Kylo Ren, Pairings: Kylux Warnings: Ambigious Ending, Implied Character Death

Happiness Kylo accidently admits he loves Hux. Characters: Armitage Hux, Kylo Ren, Snoke (mentioned) Pairings: Kylux Warnings: None.

After the Storm All Hux wants is to be free and with Kylo again. Characters: Armitage Hux, Kylo Ren, Leia Organa Pairings: Kylux Warnings: Character Death

A Refresher Session Kylo breaks the door to Hux’s Refresher, trapping them inside so they decide to play a game. Characters: Armitage Hux, Kylo Ren, Pairings: Kylux Warnings: None

Snowfall In the battle between Armitage Hux and ice, Kylo Ren wins. Characters: Kylo Ren, Armitage Hux Pairings: Kylux Warnings: None.

Supernatural Messages Armitage is a sceptic, he does not believe in ghosts. But when he goes on a ghost tour with his high school class, his boyfriend Ben is convinced this can change. Armitage doesn’t believe, but the ghosts have other plans. Characters: Armitage Hux, Kylo Ren, Clan Techie, Captain Phasma, Matt the Radar Technician, Dopheld Mitaka, Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Pairings: Kylux Warnings: None

Family Secrets Hux receives an invitation from his father to bring Kylo to Arkanis to “celebrate” their engagement. Things go as well as Hux assumed they would. Characters: Armitage Hux, Kylo Ren, Brendol Hux Pairings: Kylux Warnings: Homophobia, Referenced Homophobia, Referenced Child Abuse, Parental Abuse, Physical Abuse.

Tolkien Verse (Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit etc.)

His Father’s Son Post BOFA Everyone Lives AU. After surviving and recovering from his wounds at the Battle of Five Armies Thorin is crowned rightful King under the Mountain with Fili and Kili at his side. Dis arrives from Ered Luin and the family are finally reunited in their true home again. However, a family secret kept hidden for over 80 years is soon revealed and the lives of the heirs of Durin are changed forever. Complete. Characters: Fili, Kili, Thorin Oakenshield, Dis, Bofur, Bilbo Baggins, Balin, Dwalin, Legolas, Thranduil. Pairings: Fili/Kili, Dis/Thorin Oakenshield, Bilbo/Bofur. Warnings: Incest (this is an exploratory fic over the custom of “ones” in this Universe, dysfunctional families.

To Heal a Sickness Fili is sick and nothing seems to be curing him. At only 50 no one is convinced he will survive. Kili makes the decision to leave Ered Luin, despite Fili’s condition, to find a cure for him in the wide world of Middle Earth. He is determined to do this because if there is one thing he cannot afford to lose from his life, it’s his best friend and brother. Complete. Characters: Fili, Kili, Thorin Oakenshield, Dis, Dwalin, Balin, Bofur, Oin, Elrond, Elladan, Elrohir, Glorfindel, Erestor. Warnings: Sick fic, character injury.

Dances With Elves Glorfindel is extremely excited about the arrival of the dwarves and yet also seems to be excited about the prospect of dancing with Erestor a midnight gathering he has organised for some reason. Kili is bored because Thorin is gone and he wants to explore so Fili makes up a reason for him to. They stumble over the little midnight dancing session of the elves and decide to join in, but only if it could be done dwarven style. Cue some fun between the heirs of Durin and Glorfindel. Complete. Characters: The entire Hobbit cast (dwarves, Bilbo etc) Warnings: None.

Battles Fought Before AU where Legolas fought the Battle of Five Armies alongside Thranduil and did not go off to Gundabad. Legolas reflects on the death and destruction during the Battle of Five Armies on the eve of the Battle of Helms Deep and wonders how he had ended up in the same position again. Complete. Characters: Legolas, Thranduil, Bard the Bowman, Aragorn. Warnings: Discussion of war.

Bonding Aragorn worries about the lives of the people of Rohan but Legolas can see that his worry goes down deeper than that and he challenges him about it. The two friends discuss Aragorn’s choices and what they might mean. Eowyn’s stew features. Complete. Characters: Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Eowyn. Warnings: None.

Elrond’s Suspicions Elrond suddenly realises that since the elves of Greenwood (Mirkwood) have such strong magic that when he has had dealings with Thranduil in the past, after Legolas had passed his majority, it could have actually been his young son in disguise of an illusion. Thranduil and Legolas are approaching Rivendell so Elrond decides to investigate and see if he can find out if his suspicions are true. Complete. Characters: Elrond, Thranduil, Legolas, Lindir, Felefin. Warnings: None.

Dragon Age (I and II)

Advice from a Ghost Fergus and Gilmore don’t exactly see eye to eye over marriage, but they don’t have to worry because they both have someone looking out for them that gives the best advice. AKA Fergus and Gilmore hallucinate about their dead brother/friend after an argument. Complete Characters: Fergus Cousland, Ser Gilmore, Aedan Cousland (Warden OC). Pairing: Fergus/Gilmore Warning: None.

To Be By Your Side I Would Willing Storm the Gates of the Black City a collection for zevwarden week on tumblr /o/ 1: Zevwarden meeting 2: Zevwarden pirate AU 3: Zevrwarden first time eue 4: Zevwarden and the Crows 5: Zevwarden earring 6: Zevwarden sparring 7: Zevwarden after the Blight

A Teryn and His Knight Fergus Cousland has a problem. And that problem has a name - Ser Gilmore. There’s only one resolution. Characters: Fergus Cousland, Ser Gilmore. Pairing: Fergus/Gilmore Warning: None.

Milk Adventures Fenris wants milk. Hawke has no idea where to buy it. Shenanigans ensue. Characters: Dragon Age 2 Cast. Male Hawke. Pairings: FenHawke. Warning: None.

Ferelden Flowers Carver wants to give flowers. He has no idea what he’s doing really. Characters: Carver Hawke, Merrill, Male Hawke.

Fire Emblem Kakusei/Fire Emblem Awakening Verse

The Thief and the Priest Libra is a priest of Naga and keeps to himself as well as he can. He looks after everyone that he can, but he doesn’t get too close to people. That doesn’t stop people trying to get close to him. He looks feminine and people assume he’s a woman and try to come onto him. This starts to change when he meets Gaius. Gaius is a thief from all over the place and he just happens to be in the right place at the right time to save Libra from his not so welcome admirers. That is the start of a strange relationship between them, something neither of them really regret. Complete. Characters: Priest Libra, Thief Gaius, Chrom, Frederick, the Shepherds. Pairings: Gaius/Libra Warnings: Character Injury.

Materialistic Possessions Four times Virion presented Libra with elaborate presents. Four times Libra couldn’t refuse. Complete. Characters: Libra, Virion Pairings: Libra/Virion Warnings: None.

CSI: Miami Verse

Fallen From Heaven AU where Ryan Wolfe is not all he seems. Eric Delko finds many strange things start happening involving Ryan after he meets the strange man Ryan calls dad and he becomes determined to find out exactly what the reason behind all this is. Ryan however tries his best to keep Eric in the dark but when their emotions get mixed up in Eric’s search it makes it a lot more complicated. Horatio seems to know more than he’s letting on. Complete. Characters: Ryan Wolfe, Eric Delko, Horatio Caine, Calleigh Duquense, Alexx Woods, Natalia Boa Vista, Frank Tripp. Pairings: Ryan/Eric, Horatio/Marisol Warnings: Characters Injury, implied character death.

Parental Advisory Alternate Universe. When Horatio and the team are called out to a homicide they find Ryan Wolfe, an eighteen year old boy who has been locked up for his entire life by his paranoid - and now dead - parents. As Horatio unravels the story surrounding Ryan and the death of his parents he faces a revelation unique and disturbing. Complete. Characters: Ryan Wolfe, Eric Delko, Horatio Caine, Tim Speedle, Calleigh Duquense, Alexx Woods. Pairings: Ryan/Eric, Horatio/Tim. Warnings: Child abuse, kidnapping, family drama.

[K] Project Verse

[K] Project Murder Series An Act of Patricide Yata is depressed after Homra disbands and Mikoto dies, and he spends a lot of time dwelling on Fushimi. When he comes across someone toxic from Fushimi's past his emotions get the better of him and he ends up going too far. Characters: Fushimi Saruhiko, Yata Misake, Fushimi Niki, Munakata Reisi, Awashima Seri. Pairings: Saruhiko/Yata Warnings: Implied/referenced child abuse, character death, extreme rage, extreme violence.

Dealing with Regicide Munakata Reisi killed Suoh Mikoto, it was a well known fact. It was well known as fact. But no one knew the consequences of committing regicide, least of all the Blue King. And he's about to learn the true burden of killing another King. Or Munakata Reisi is sure Suoh Mikoto is living on inside his head and he doesn't quite know what to do. Characters: Munakata Reisi, Suoh Mikoto, Awashima Seri, Kusanagi Izumo, Fushimi Saruhiko, Yata Misaki, Sceptre Four. Pairings: Reisi/Mikoto, Seri/Izumo, Sarumi/Yata. Warnings: Character injury, character death, insanity, fire.

Admitting the Truth Misaki goes and sees Sarumi to admit what he had been arrested for just before the fiasco involving Mikoto and Munakata. It leads to some unforeseen events. Characters: Fushimi Saruhiko, Yata Misaki, Fushimi Niki, Munakata Reisi, Domjoyi Andy. Pairings: Saruhiko/Misaki. Warnings: None.

Yu-Gi-Oh Verse

I Shall Recount to You (Re-Write) (WIP) It’s been twelve years since the fateful duel that sent Atem to the afterlife and led Yuugi to a life alone. Life carried on as normal, until a dream leads Malik to the discovery that Atem wants to return to the modern world. Cracking the mystery and bringing the Pharaoh back, Malik, Yuugi and friends, end up with a bit of a mess on their hands caused by the ancient ritual that was used. Features a lot of ships. Characters: Malik Ishtar, Yami Malik, Yami Yugi, Pharaoh Atem, Mutou Yuugi, Bakura Ryou, Jounouchi Katsuya (Joey Wheeler), Kujaku Mai (Mai Valentine), Honda Hiroto (Tristan Taylor), Otogi Ryuuji (Duke Devlin), Amelda (Alistair), Kaiba Seto, Kaiba Mokuba, Thief King Bakura, Mazaki Anzu (Tea Gardner). Pairings: Atem/Yuugi, Malik/Ryou, Katsuya/Mai (Mai/Joey), Kaiba/Amelda (Seto/Alistair), Anzu/OC (Tea/OC), Thief King Bakura/Yami Malik. Warnings: N/A.

Dramatical Murder (Dmmd) Verse

Interesting Experiment (A look at what Aoba’s Dmmd Virus/Trip bad end and Re:Connect Virus/Trip route would have been like had it been Mizuki and not Aoba.) Virus and Trip have never heard of anyone recovering from having their mind completely broken by Scrap before, especially someone who was controlled by Morphine. And yet right before their eyes it was happening and they knew in that moment they would get more excitement from Mizuki than they could from Aoba. Complete. Characters: Mizuki, Trip, Virus, Seragaki Aoba, Koujaku, Noiz, Seragaki Tae. Pairings: Mizuki/Trip/Virus. Warnings: Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Character Death.

Things You Said When You Were Scared kaieru asked:things you said when you were scared + noiao? ^q^

Tales of Vesperia Verse

Whirring Heart Yuri notices that something is bothering Raven the night before Brave Vesperia are due to go to the Tower of Tarqaron. Concerned with the timing Yuri goes to talk to Raven and finds out the old man is not as confident as it seems. Yuri offers some comfort almost without realising it. Complete. Characters: Yuri Lowell, Raven, Flynn Scifo (mentioned) Pairings: Yuri/Flynn. Warnings: None.

#masterlist #jse egos #markiplier egos #buzzfeed unsolved #star wars #dragon age #k project #csi miami #tales of vesperia #DMMd #lotr #the hobbit #yugioh #fire emblem awakening

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queerbloodyangel · 5 years

Note

Hi! I haven’t seen the magicians and probably won’t but I’m interested in the drama/what’s going on?

oof sorry this has taken me so long anon, i havent been home much today and am just now getting time to sit down! i hope you don’t mind that i’m writing out a long thing, because quite a few people have asked me about it and tbh i just want to get it all down :)

so, little bit of backstory here: quentin coldwater is the main character of the magicians. the first episode of the show has him being released from a mental facility after he had checked himself in because he was “getting bad again”. after the doctor expressed concern for his well-being and said she wasnt sure he should be checking himself out so soon. he told her the only way she could stop him was if he said he had any plans of hurting others or himself, which, he didnt.

throughout the course of the show, the writers did an amazing job of showing quentin actually dealing with and talking about his depression. we saw him at his highs, and we saw him at his lows, and for a lot of people who have never seen depression depicted in such a real and non-romanticized way onscreen, it was revolutionary. i mean, it still is, some of the discussions he had with his friends about it were so fucking real that they had me in tears because yeah thats it.

anyway, along with that, quentin also was proven to be sexually fluid first in season 1 by having a threesome with two of his best friends margo and eliot. he also dated a woman (alice) for a while, though that relationship went up in spectacular flames lmao

in season 3, quentin and eliot get stuck in an alternate timeline together for 50 years. during that time quentin met a woman and had a child with her, but shortly after she died, and quentin and eliot raised the kid together, and stayed together until eliot died. time got reversed then, but because Magic, they both remembered what happened shortly after, in a quiet scene with just the two of them, because the taste of ‘peaches and plums’ reminded them, because they had lived near a peach and plum orchard in the alternate timeline. nothing more was said about it after that, though quentin and eliot remained extremely affectionate with each other.

at the end of season 3, and going into season 4, eliot gets possessed by a monster thats more powerful than any of the gods on the show, and completely unkillable. the monster also has an incredibly childlike mentality, so at one point quentin asks it if eliot’s still alive, and the monster says no. since up until that point the monster has been truthful to a fault, quentin believes it.

episode 5 happens, and quentin and his ex, alice, are figuring out a way to kill the monster. during this period of time, quentin makes it very clear to alice that he has absolutely no desire to get back together with her, and with all of the shit going on with the monster/eliot, he doesnt even have the space to even think about them. meanwhile, eliots trapped inside his own mind, going through all of his worst memories trying to figure out a way to get out long enough to tell his friends that he is alive, and needs help. he goes through a ton of bad memories, including ones about his childhood growing up in a homophobic small town in indiana, ones involving betraying his friends, and basically anything else he can come up with.

he realizes eventually what his worst memory is, and we go back to the scene from season 3 where he and quentin remember the alternate timeline. quentin asks eliot if they can give them a shot, because ‘we work. 50 years, who gets proof of concept like that?’ and memory!eliot turns him down. the real eliot apologizes to memory!quentin, kisses him, and he’s able to take control of his body long enough to tell quentin (eliot: 50 years, who gets proof of concept like that?

quentin: what?

eliot: peaches and plums, motherfucker, i’m alive in here)

quentin then jumps in front of eliot so alice’s attempt to kill his body misses, and the monster comes back.

from that point on, quentin’s sole focus is getting eliot back. he sleeps once on screen, for a total of 15 minutes. he’s jumpy, on edge, exhausted, and clearly spiraling as it becomes more and more apparent there might not be a way for him to save eliot. up until episode 10, not a scene goes by without quentin reiterating that they have to save eliot, no matter what.

episodes 11 & 12 happen, and (if memory serves me correctly) quentin says eliots name once, maybe twice. he gets back with alice, and suddenly, is no longer spiraling (????) its as if eliot doesnt even exist.

episode 13 happens, they manage to get the monster out of eliot, and quentin doesn’t even spare a glance towards eliot, who’s lying on the ground bleeding out and need to be rushed to the hospital. quentin and alice have found a way to trap the monster in a rip in the universe, and take off to do that. things happen that make 0 sense, and winds up jumping into this rip in the universe along with the monster, and dies.

after his death, he winds up in the underworld, talking to someone, where he asks, “did i do that to save my friends, or did i finally find a way to kill myself?”

the person takes him back to earth, so quentin can watch his friends mourn him. instead of letting his friends actually talk about him, the writers had them sing a song as they threw their mementos of quentin into a fire, and that?? somehow shows quentin that his death was okay.

the writers (sera gamble and john mcnamara) are acting like they deserve an award or something because they killed off the ‘white male lead’, which, apparently is progressive or something. as if tv show writers haven’t been killing off mentally ill, queer characters for decades already.

the writers didn’t tell the rest of the cast what was happening, until two days before the finale aired. the actor who played quentin (jason ralph) was under a gag order for a year, and they filmed a dummy scene at the end that had the gang realizing there was a way for quentin to be saved.

the actor who played eliot (hale appleman), an openly queer man, spent the last several weeks reassuring fans over and over that quentin and eliot’s story wasn’t over, to have faith, only to find out that he’d unwillingly been a part in this whole fiasco.

they killed off the character that honestly, probably 90% of the fanbase saw themselves in, and had latched onto with their whole hearts because of that. for a lot of us, it felt like watching a bit of ourselves die, and along with it, a love story that deserved to be told, that a lot of us believed would be told. i, personally have watched so many shows where the writers absolutely refused to make the ‘popular gay ship’ canon, and have even been part of fanbases that have been mocked for it. but this just. this shit is on a different level and i dont know what to even call it except for some bizarre take on queerbaiting that’s somehow 10000000x worse than that word can even describe.

again, i’m sorry this is so godawful long but i’m truly devastated over losing quentin coldwater. queer people deserve better, mentally ill people deserve better, and god fucking damn it so do i.

#THIS IS SO LONG IM REALLY #ALSDJALSDJKF #GOD #the magicians #quentin coldwater #ask #anon

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doctorsanddetectives · 3 years

Note

hey! so, the thing is I used to be really involved in tjlc pre s4 and it pretty much crushed me when the season aired and I just made a hard cut and distanced myself completely from it all. though I just kept on missing it, I didn't dare return to it, not even other adaptations. but recently, I just felt such a strong need to come back and it started with granada and tplosh but in the end, I just couldn't help myself and here I am thinking about Them again. and I've realised there are actually still a few people actually believing in tjlc, even some new ones. and I don't know, I guess I was just wondering if you could tell me why you still believe, if you really think they're actually going to make them canonically in love/in a relationship after all, what you think about a possible season 5 etc.? I know it's a lot to ask, I guess I just want to be convinced again haha

anyway, thank you for your time if you indeed answer this and of not then thank you anyway!

oh, hi! i'd sort of forgotten my ask box was open, so sorry for the late answer! this got a bit long, so i'll put it under a cut

[[MORE]]

first off, if you do rejoin the fandom, believing in tjlc or not, welcome back and i hope you have fun!

for me still believing in tjlc mostly boils down to this: 1. all the things that we saw in canon pre-s4 still exist, they are still in the text of the show. s4 doesn't change that just because it didn't go how we thought it would. 2. s4 doesn't make sense in ways that are too specific to not be on purpose.

number 1 is pretty self-explanatory i think, but just to throw some stuff you might remember back at you:

sherlock never denying insinuations that he's gay or that he and john are a couple, despite being mr. 'i get the last word'

sherlock saying 'into battle' while psyching himself up for john's wedding. sherlock watching sadly during john and mary's first dance and then leaving the wedding early. mind palace mary wearing her wedding dress while shooting sherlock in the heart.

john not being able to say the words he always meant to say to sherlock, even during therapy (what could they have been? i know what i think)

irene saying 'somebody loves you' to sherlock when she realises john was careful to not actually hurt him when punching him in the face. irene immediately following that up with asking john 'are you feeling exposed?'

john being sherlock's pressure point

i'm sorry, i gotta come back to the beginning real quick, everyone thinks sherlock is gay. mrs hudson (two rooms?). mycroft (happy announcement?). angelo (nice and romantic). janine (i know what kind of man you are).

that one post from the mofftiss tumblr q&a where the question is 'is sherlock saying i love you to john' and gatiss is like 'no, unless he's talking to a mirror' and we find out sherlock's talking to molly! john's main narrative mirror! mindboggling

that's just what comes to my mind right now, but there's of course still so much more. i sadly don't have a collection of all the old metas at hand but i know other people do, so i'd recommend you go searching for those.

as for 2. there's two pieces of particularly brilliant s4 meta that are keeping me afloat (and that i think i stole most of the points i make here from), i'll link them here and here. believe me, if you wanna believe in tjlc again, this is what you wanna read.

there was also a post that links weird things happening in s4 to bits from the earlier seasons, but i can't find it rn, i will link it if i do find it later.

but the one big thing that tells me s4 being the way it is was planned, is mary's death.

in s3 we get a 'how not to: death by gunshot' and it's

you don't get thrown across the room

you only have a few seconds of consciousness. choose wisely what to do

(if john watson is there, he will act like the army doctor he is)

in s4 we get

mary has time to throw herself in front of the bullet, then gets thrown across the room because of the bullet impact

mary holds a full 60 second monologue while bleeding out

(instead of trying to stop the bleeding or calling an ambulance, john just moos sadly)

it's the exact opposite. that is on purpose. whether it is on purpose to tip us off that s4 is not reliable narration - or if mofftiss genuinely decided to just say, fuck it, let's be weird as hell for no reason - that i can't promise. i choose to believe it is the former.

and, in terms of the five act structure: act 4 is supposed to hurt. usually, it's supposed to hurt, and seem so bad that it can't be fixed, to the *characters* not to the *fans* - but when have mofftiss ever done anything in a normal way, eh? because act 4 is when you lose all hope before the grand finale in act 5.

as for s5, idk if you know this or not but there was a 10 year anniversary q&a (it's on yt) in which mark gatiss said something about us being the most patient fans ever or so (i don't have the exact words). that made me go 👀 with regards to a potential s5 for sure.

also also, sherlock never officially got cancelled. and they were originally signed for 5 seasons from what i understand. everyone just thinks it's over because it seems over.

so long story short, i still think most of the original meta and analysis from before s4 holds up, i think mofftiss are willing to do some weird abstract shit that maybe we just don't understand yet (but that ultimately, hopefully, has purpose) and they always said there'd be 5 seasons

that was a long ramble, oops! but i hope it helps a little bit.

lastly, i should also point out that if it sizzles out and we never hear anything about sherlock again, that would not be the end of the world for me. i believe canon johnlock is the thing that makes the most sense for how the show is set up - but i'm well aware of the possibility that there might be things behind the scenes that we're not privy to and that might have changed the original course of the show. i do like to keep entertaining the idea of a s5 that proves tjlc until we have reason to think otherwise though!

#it is 1am i hope this is vagurly coherent woops #also feel free to ask if you have any specific questions or such #my dms are also open!#marty.txt

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ewanreviewin · 6 years

Text

Song: “Slide” by LPX

In <100 Words: Cheating a bit since this came out the end of last year, but I didn’t listen until the EP. “Slide” almost feels like a MS MR single if you didn’t know that Lizzy was doing her own thing these days, with its powerful drums and – so far at least – fairly clear vocals (on the verses). THEN Lizzy starts to belt about the lack of warning her heart gave regarding heartbreak. THEN she and her band bust into the incredible, dancey chorus. You’ll be screaming along with Lizzy by the end of the bridge.

Fave Lyric: “The sweetest love in life cuts you like a knife, ripping your insides, leaves you paralyzed.”

I Also Recommend: “Tightrope” has been and still is my favorite LPX track so far with the absolute shredding of that guitar. “Red Queen” is my favorite “new” song from the EP.

The EP Overall: It’s quite a banger of an EP and really makes me excited to see what the LPX project has to give in the form of a full-length album.

What This Sound Like: My heartbreak coming to life and screaming at me, with sick guitars playing in the background.

Song: “My My My” by Troye Sivan

In <100 Words: Writing a good love song is actually a super underrated skill. As is creating a great pop song. Troye Sivan, luckily, has the ability to handle both under his belt. “My My My” is so unabashedly happy. Troye sings to his lover to just let go and enjoy the moment of being in love – and in a world where love has so much pressure put on it, why don’t you?! Bring on the album, baby.

Fave Lyric: “Now let’s stop running from love.”

The Video: It’s sexy. It’s pretty. It’s gay. Come on – how can you not love it.

What This Sound Like: Running through a field at night as a rainbow – somehow – appears in the sky.

Song: “Supernatural” by BØRNS

In <100 Words: This is a bit of an underrated song from Blue Madonna. I am obsessed with the multiple drum play going on (I even hear bongos) and the strings in the post-chorus. There’s even a theremin solo in the bridge. Hell. YES. Lyrically, “Supernatural” falls on the second half of the album (right after the interlude actually) where Mr. Born seems to be over the heartbreak and is moving into a more introspective view of his previous relationship. It’s all dreamy and just lovely.

Fave Lyric: “Is it love or am I fooling around trying to find the truth?”

I Also Recommend: “Faded Heart” still holds up quite well, the witty and bright, yet bitter and cold “Second Night of Summer,” the rock-tinged “We Don’t Care,” and the empowering “I Don’t Want U Back.” I’d include the interlude, “Tension,” but it’s ONLY AN INTERLUDE!

The Album Overall: I’m really happy that he went down a route that was less energetic and… polished as Dopamine, even though I really enjoy that record too. It’s a great follow-up, though at the same time I feel like he’s yet to achieve his full potential. I have a feeling that will come with the next record.

What This Sound Like: A montage of going to the mall, but on an alien planet, but everyone’s happy.

Song: “After the Storm” by Kali Uchis (feat. Tyler the Creator & Bootsy Collins)

In <100 Words: Kali expands her resume a little by venturing into the deep funk of “After the Storm.” Tyler name drops his newest record & the Disney deer Bambi in his mellow & very fitting verse. Kali sounds great on the track too – singing very sexy & empowering lyrics as she likely speaks to herself in a mirror. The highlight of the track is easily the production. The bass is excellent & the groove slows down a bit towards the end before picking right back up & leaving you wanting more once the track draws to a close.

Fave Lyric: “So you gotta be careful baby, and look both ways before you cross my mind.”

What This Sound Like: Laying in silk sheets dressed in your softest robe.

Song: “King for a Day” by Anderson East

In <100 Words: This song is quite cheeky and I didn’t realize! The opener for Encore is actually a “let’s-get-it-on” song because I’d rather hook up once than be strung along as an unrequited love for a long time. You would not think that’s what Anderson is singing about when you first listen to “King for a Day.” Tinged with some elevating trumpets in the bridge/end of the song & very traditional guitar/drum pairing, the instrumental of this track is quite infectious.

Fave Lyric: “Even if your heart can’t look away, even if our love can’t stay together, I’d rather be king for a day than a fool forever.”

I Also Recommend: The scandalous & energetic “Girlfriend,” “Surrender” which sounds like that “rollin! rollin!” song, the sweet but also jamming with the guitar “Sorry You’re Sick,” and my favorite mid/lower tempo track “This Too Shall Last.”

The Album Overall: It’s quite good Americana/blue-eyed soul music!

What This Sound Like: Wrangling cattle on the ranch as the sun is high in the sky.

Song: “Kissing Tree” by The Spencer Lee Band

In <100 Words: Whoa, WHERE did this song come from? “Kissing Tree” opens up for a while as just an acoustic guitar and a back and forth from higher pitched vocals to, who I guess is the main singer. The song builds up more and more with a few strings, and then a NASTY bass line once we get to the second verse. Lyrically, it’s probably what you’d expect from a song called “Kissing Tree,” but some lines in particular are quite clever. All the instruments being released from their cages in the bridge – oh yeah, favorite bit.

Fave Lyric: “Shake you like a leaf, break me off a piece, I got everything I need under the kissing tree.”

What This Sound Like: Unsurprisingly, like sitting on a tree & making out with someone.

Song: “Disappear” by Tonight Alive (feat. Lynn Gunn)

In <100 Words: In case you didn’t know, Lynn Gunn is the front woman of the awesome band PVRIS. She doesn’t hijack the “Disappear,” but rather she gives the track a little more fire to make it that highlight from Underworld. The song is liberating, fun, and also a bit detached.

Fave Lyric: “Why does it feel like home when I’m lonely?”

I Also Recommend: “Last Light” is one of the softer moments on the record that’s really needed. “Burning On” is another fun, upbeat banger, and the punk rock “Temple.”

The Album Overall: Jenna’s vocals are awesome on this record, but I can’t help but feel the sounds of the album have kinda been done before.

What This Sound Like: Getting out of your comfort zone to do something that you enjoy, by yourself.

Song: “Lottery” by Jade Bird

In <100 Words: What a great melody on this song, especially on the chorus. “Lottery” almost feels hippie/Woodstock ready with the soft guitar moments & jangling tambourine. However, the lyrics add a cool contrast to this, being filled with number-talk. Plus, her voice is lovely – like birds singing almost. Seriously, can I talk about the chorus again? The ending line has been stuck in my head for days now.

Fave Lyric: “You used to say that love is a game, but you got your numbers and you’re betting on me.”

What This Sound Like: Spending your time with a loved one in nature instead of spending your money inside a casino.

Song: “Bite My Tongue” by The Academic

In <100 Words: It can feel good to speak your mind, but sometimes it’s better to just sit down and shut up. “Bite My Tongue” seems to touch on the short-term joy (or potentially, in the end, long-term joy) of not holding back and also deciding to keep quiet for the sake of “not raining on your parade.” Meanwhile, this the band playing probably makes this the most upbeat track on the record – and it sounds great, especially on the chorus.

Fave Lyric: “My dear, what have we become? … So I’ll just bite my tongue.”

I Also Recommend: The track that directly follows this, “Fake ID,” sounds like going out for the night – kicking off the track with the opening of a door. “Permanent Vacation” and “Television” are two more upbeat bangers. I also enjoy “Different.”

The Album Overall: It’s a quick listen at 35 minutes, and while the songs on the record may feel too similar to each other, the pacing & length of the songs don’t tire you out at all. All-in-all, a good debut!

What This Sound Like: Driving with the top down by the beach.

Song: “Perfect” by Andreas Moss

In <100 Words: Andreas has a silky sweet voice that sounds best over non-distracting music. “Perfect” does a good job of this by having, essentially, just an acoustic guitar in the verses/bridge and a fairly subdued worbly bass in the chorus. If anything the shaking bass in the chorus pairs perfectly (lol) as Andreas hits the high notes in a swoon to the listener who “doesn’t have to be perfect” and is “worth it to me.” It really does take someone else to see the beauty in yourself when all you see are flaws.

Fave Lyric: “These are the moments when I see you – the purest form of you bleeding through.”

What This Sound Like: Blushing.

Song: “Stay Off My Mind” by Skott

In <100 Words: Immediately, you’ll hear “I’m thinking of you!” in some sort of ethereal, potentially self-sampling outburst that will catch your ear. The production kicks in as “Stay Off My Mind” enters the first verse with chirpy drums, guitar, and piano. Skott seems to throw in some autotune into the mix, which makes her sound pointedly distant from the listener who she wants out of her mind. The one moment of a back & forth of “still on my mind” in the chorus is really pretty. Lyrically, it’s more heart-wrenching than you’d expect – being about the death of a close friend. Damn.

Fave Lyric: “I’m left with the silence – there’s something about it, I don’t know, I don’t mind just sitting here alone.”

I Also Recommend: Snappy & groovy “In the Mood.”

The EP Overall: Because it’s so short I don’t have too strong of an opinion one way or another, but the two aforementioned tracks get me very excited to see what a full record would look like.

What This Sound Like: Wandering a city, with nothing to distract you from thinking about thoughts you were trying to avoid.

Week of January 12, 2018 Song: "Slide" by LPX In <100 Words: Cheating a bit since this came out the end of last year, but I didn't listen until the EP.

#2018 #anderson east #andreas moss #borns #jade bird #kali uchis #lpx #skott #the academic #the spencer lee band #tonight alive #troye sivan

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coffeesforfuckers · 7 years

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Our Summers Together Are My Best Kept Secrets And My Biggest Mistakes // Chapter Twelve

Ships: Peterick, Brallon, Ferard, Trohley, Jalex, Zian and others in the background

Description: Summers for most kids are spent going to the beach and on vacations with your family but lots are shipped off to summer camps for the whole summer. But the kids at Hempman Summer Camp actually beg to go! Patrick Stump, Andy Hurley and Joe Trohman all met there, they had all known each other for probably over a decade because of this absolutely amazing stay-away camp for kids from the ages of six to nineteen. All the kids that were there came back until they couldn't and they always had the same kids except a few new, younger, kids every year. That is until the year that the weird kid with the jet-black, dyed, black fringe and the crazy piercings and a couple tattoos comes in like he owns the place. That year also happens to be the same year that Patrick Stump gets gum stuck to the new emo kid's face and hair. It was love at first sight... But hate at first interaction for the blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy and the complete opposite for the new kid, Pete Wentz.

Chapter 12: Twelve - A Kiss You'll Always Remember

Patrick

Pete grabs me by the waist, catching me mid-sprint, “I caught you.” He bites at my ear, leaving a kiss on my jawline.

“Pete!” I break free of his grip, “People have eyes you know.” I mutter, giving him a shove.

“I wish that they didn’t so I could be the only one to observe your beauty.” He coos and I roll my eyes.

“Can you chill with the gay for like ten seconds?” I roll my eyes as I start to walk off.

“Only if you can keep your dick in your pants for that long.” He retorts and my face goes red. I am such a slut for him.

“I hate you.” I grumble.

Pete’s hands rest against my hips, “Love you too, babe.” He smirks against my neck.

“Don’t do that!” I groan and pull his hands off of me, “There are people here, Pete.” I turn to glance at him over my shoulder and he lets out a huff.

“Too bad.” He tries grabbing me again but I dodge his hands.

“Stop that.” I point at him.

“Am I being bad?” He smirks and I roll my eyes.

“Pete I will dump your sorry-ass right here, right now.” I mumble, stepping up to him. He pecks me on the lips with a grin.

“I’m done.” He says and kisses me once more, “I lied, now I’m done.”

I roll my eyes and laugh. I can’t stand him sometimes.

“Come on, the guys are waiting for us.” I tug at his arm, pulling him back to our meeting spot.

Pete laughs the entire time. He’s always so happy.

He makes me so happy.

Brendon

My feet can’t carry me fast enough, I’m stumbling over the various bags hanging down around me. As soon as I exit the flight gate I can see my giraffe man himself standing not too far away. I somehow manage to run even faster, dropping my bags and throwing myself onto Dallon. He kisses me hard, pushing his mouth to mine, his arms holding me desperately close, my legs around his waist. I pull my arms around his neck and hold onto him with a frantic desire for him. I hadn’t seen him in almost four months. I kiss him awkwardly, moving my mouth hurriedly as if I’d never be able to kiss him again. He kisses back, equally as rushed and forceful.

“I missed you so much.” I gasp against his mouth.

“I missed you too.” He mumbles, I break the kiss to catch my breath, burying my face into the crook of his neck. Dallon presses his face into my hair, we stay like this for a while, until Dallon can’t hold me any longer.

“Bren.” Dallon says softly after setting me down, neither of us letting go of the other.

“Dal.” I speak, hugging him tighter. I didn't want to let go, I wanted to stay like this forever.

“I love you.” He says to me, everything about him screams the words louder than his voice ever could.

“I love you too.” My voice bleeds emotion.

He moves his hands to take mine, “You ready?” He smiles at me.

“Always.” I grin back. He let's go of my hands and picks up a couple of my bags and I take the others, his hand links with mine again as we walk to his car.

Alex

Jack tries to distract me as I drive, kissing my neck, biting at my ear, grabbing at my thighs. I shrug off all of his attempts to make me pull over and fuck him. (No matter how tempting that sounded).

“Baby.” He coos, kissing at my jawline, “Hey, baby, pay attention to me.” He whines like a small child.

“Sorry, sex with a two year old is illegal, Jack. Come back when you're older.” I tease and he giggles into my neck.

“Come on, with all the space up here we could fuck so quick.” He says.

“With all this room and you still insist on practically being on top of me.” I glance at him as he stifles a laugh. I had a 1953 Chevrolet Bel Air that was handed down to me from my grandfather, Jack had what I categorized under a kink, for fucking in it.

“Well yeah, you’re my favorite place to sit.” He winks and I fake gag.

“You are so gross.” I laugh and so does Jack.

We finally get to the parking lot and pull up next to Zach’s car. Him and Rian seem to be pretty happy together if I’m honest, I’m assuming they came together.

“Let’s go find our friends.” I chuckle and Jack sighs.

“You owe me a blowjob.” Jack mutters as he fumbles over me and out of the car. I laugh at him for being so lazy that he couldn’t slide over to his door and get out.

“It’s a no from me.” I reply, that was something we did a lot. Simon Cowell and Gordon Ramsay quotes were our one passion.

“Ass.” He rolls his eyes with a grin, I really did love him.

“Let’s go, dumbass.” I get out of the car and he grabs my hand.

“I love you, stupid.”

“I love you too.”

Andy

I sit, playing on my phone, waiting for Joe to get to our place. My phone buzzes and I check the new notification.

New Message From: Dallon Weekend Hey, dinner with the gang tonight at…

I smile, it was always great to see everybody after being away for so long. I really was going to miss this place, this might be my last summer depending on what happens with Joe and I and if I’m moving, it just depends on life.

I open the message and read the whole thing.

Hey, dinner with the gang tonight at some pizza place on main and then karaoke! Or we can go to a karaoke restaurant? Just going out to have fun in general since we all haven’t seen each other in almost a decade. If you have plans elsewhere, cancel them cause you’re coming no matter what! (Sent to all in a huge group chat).

I’m excited about it but at the same time I really want to just be with Joe tonight, I haven’t seen him in like forever.

I’ll see him every day, all summer. We should see our friends for once.

“Andy!” Joe calls and I jump to my feet, “Babe!” He shouts as he throws himself onto me. I hold him up with ease, his scrawny frame was lighter than what I bench press on a daily basis, “Your hair!” He gasps seeing it almost all gone, “And jesus, you’ve been working out a lot.” Joe is honestly shocked by my appearance change.

“Yep! Trying to look my best for you, Baby.” I kiss him softly and he smiles, bringing his hands up to the sides of my face.

“Your voice just doesn’t match what you look like anymore, damn.” He chuckles, “It’s cute.”

“Thank’s babe, I like your haircut too.” I say, his hair was just a curly bush on the top of his head, “I still am partial to the long hair and beard though.” I smile.

“I like your hair short, I can see your face better.” He kisses my cheek, “Oh my god! Your snakebites!” He pokes at the little empty and barely noticeable holes under my bottom lip.

“Yeah, I got bored of those, plus they’re annoying when we kiss.” I say, “And suck your dick but that’s a different story.”

Joe starts to laugh, his head falling onto my shoulder, “Did you get that text about tonight?” Joe asks, still giggling.

“Yeah, do you want to go?” I question and feel him nod.

“It’ll be nice to see our friends.” He picks his head up to looks at me, his face red and eyes watery.

“I agree, and karaoke seems fun, you’re a great singer.” I grin, kissing him again.

“No, hush.” His cheeks get an even deeper shade of red.

“Never.” I say as I brush our lips. I just couldn’t help but keep kissing him, being away from him for almost six months does shit to me.

Joe smirks, “I’ll make you then.” He kisses me over and over. My chest hurt from how hard my heart was pounding. I missed him too much.

I don’t think I can last six months without him again.

Zach

“You said this was only for a little while, Zach.” Rian snaps at me.

“I thought it was!” That was until I actually did fall in love with you.

“What the fuck does that mean, Zach!? Huh!? Tell me what the fuck is going on here!” He demands, “I’m straight Zach, stop making me play pretend!” He yells and I can feel my heart sinking.

“Because! Everybody thinks we’re happy together! Everybody thinks we're couple goals! I don’t want to disappoint!” I insist. In no way could it because I love him…

Idiot.

If he couldn’t see it then it was no use. I should just give up.

“That’s no excuse!” He yells at me.

“Please! Just… I don’t want to let people down! A little longer.” I beg, I just want to call him mine for as long as I can. Before I have to give up.

“Fine, Zach, fucking fine.” He snaps.

“Thank you.” I mumble and he just shrugs, “Are you going to the thing tonight?”

“Yeah. Are you?”

“Yeah.” I nod as I kick my bag under my bed. I sigh and flop onto it, “I’m gonna sleep first though.”

Frank

I sat in the grass, waiting for my friends. And Gerard… He hadn’t talked to me since Sleeping With Sirens. I still love him, I think I always have really. He makes me happy, well, made me happy. Now it just hurts to even think about him.

Remembering Gerard is so painful, everything about him is still so vivid even after not seeing him for about nine months.

I sigh and pull at the blades of grass before me. The sun is blocked out and I’m covered by shade suddenly.

“Hey loser, here all by yourself?” Chuckles Mikey as he sits in front of me.

“Yeah.” I say, shrugging glancing at him.

“Have you seen Ray?” He asks.

“Nope, haven’t seen anybody.” I shrug yet again, “I’ve been waiting for you guys, mostly you and Ray really though.” I move my full attention to Mikey now.

“What about Gerard?” His brow furrowed, “I thought you two were like… Best friends?”

“He hates me right now.” I pretend like the words don’t hurt to say.

“What? Why? He never told me this.” Mikey seems frustrated that his brother didn’t tell him anything. I’m kind of happy Gerard didn’t say anything.

“We had a disagreement last summer and never resolved it.” I inform as though it was nothing.

“Oh.” He shrugs.

“Mikey!” Gerard calls, “Stop running off to fuck your man, pay attention to me.” He whines like a needy girlfriend, “Oh-... Frank…” He notices me.

“Gee.” I nod and Mikey can feel the tension bouncing off of us. I could too, I just couldn’t figure out what kind of tension it was.

“Frank, can we go somewhere… Alone?”

Mikey winks as I stand.

“Okay. Where to?”

***

Small talk was made on our woodland adventure. It was awkward, bitter tension between us. Gerard is barely there, off in his own head and it’s pissing me off. He’d not listening to me, nor is he paying any attention to the fact I’m right besides him.

“If you’re just going to ignore me then why the fuck did you-”

Gerard kisses me, his soft but clammy hands cup my face. He kisses me so hard we both end up on the ground, “Just shut utp already. You’re giving me a headache.” He speaks in a heavy tone as he pulls back. I’m trembling. Gerard is straddling me, leaned over me as I lay flat on my back on the ground.

“I-... You-... You what?” I stammer and he rolls his eyes at me.

“I said to shut up, Frank. Stop jabbering about shit neither of us want to hear about, stop yammering on and on about nothing when that’s not why we’re even here.” My head was spinning, “Just fucking kiss me already.” He demands.

I was wrong about the bitter tension.

I kiss him hard, my hands behind his head and his holding my face still.

It was sexual.

Rian

Dinner was fun. Gerard and Frank didn’t show so it was just the fourteen of us, Ryan (Ross) didn’t show up either but I get a bitter vibe from Dallon and Brendon when he’s around.

Zach’s hanging off of me like a drunk girlfriend at a frat party, which he is none of those. I promised him a while longer because he truly is desperate for the acceptance of everybody else. He seems to be ignored a lot and I guess I can understand why he wants this to go on for a bit longer. Just so he has somebody to pay attention to him, even though I always do anyway.

He giggles at something that Pete had said and I smile. It’s nice to see him happy.

“You know, I just realized that I’ve never seen you two do anything very… Couple-ish.” Comments Brendon, “Like, you’re always touching but I mean, so are Patrick and Pete but they aren’t a couple, and Joe and Andy do that too.” He says and I can feel Zach’s sudden panic.

“We like to keep to ourselves because we know it can be annoying to some people.” Zach lies with a shaky voice. He stays slumped over in the booth with his head on my shoulder, my arm kind of wrapped around him.

“Yeah but, you don’t even hold hands or anything, like ever.” He continues to push and I sigh to myself.

“Zach, baby.” I say and he looks up at me, shock in his eyes at my words, I place my finger under his chin and lean down, gently kissing him and pulling away. I run a hand over his cheek for extra effect.

Zach looks so shocked and it’s hilarious. I just start to laugh at his expression, everybody seems confused by my outburst. I place my head on the table as I choke and sputter, laughing so hard that I couldn’t catch my breath. Zach snaps out of his shock after a bit, rubbing at my back to try and calm me down but I just laugh even harder. Why it was so funny to me? No clue at all, it just was.

“Okay then…” Brendon hums and nods, everybody loses interest in my fit after a moment or two, only Zach’s attention is still on me when I calm myself to only the extent of some hysterical wheezing.

“Sorry.” I giggle as I look over at him and he smiles at me.

“Don’t apologize.”

“Okay.”

***

We’re sitting in Zach’s car on the way back to camp. I’m pretty tired from the action packed night. He put some music on softly and we don’t really talk, I’m just too tired to make conversation.

“Hey, Rian.” Zach says when we’re pulling into the twenty-minute long dirt road to the parking lot.

“Mmh, yeah?” I hum.

“You kissed me.” He says, “Why-... Why’d you do that?”

Now that he asks, I actually have no idea how to answer. I don’t know.

“Uh, I just felt bad cause you really want this to be believable.” I say, I think that’s right? I hope that’s right.

“But it was so caring.” He hums, almost as if he were swooning.

“I-... I mean, that’s how I kiss?” I mumble, my eyebrows furrowed.

“Okay, I was just asking.” He shakes his head but something about him tells me he’s lying.

Something in me tells me that I’m lying.

Chapter Masterlist ~

Previous -

One - The Gum Habit Gone Bad

Two - On the Rooftop with You

Three - I Have a Forehead Texting Me and He’s Kind of Cute?

Four - Memories I Keep Locked Away for Times Like This

Five - Crying into the Void That is You

Six - A New Year and a New Us and Some New Friends

Seven - Abandoning You Was My Worst Mistake but Somehow You’re Still There For Me

Eight - A Meal For Two, A Car Ride For The Damned and A Love To Fool Them All.

Nine - Falling For You

Ten - The Indescribable Word That Is True Love

Eleven - It’s Always So Hard To Say Goodbye

Next -

Thirteen - And A Night You’ll Never Forget

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nirah10 · 6 years

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From Zain,

‘The whole family is really hung up on the idea of people “just wanting to be special” and it drives me nuts.&

Could that because they themselves think they are special? Are they religious? These siblings who say stuff like that? I know you are an atheist but I don’t think you mentioned if your siblings were or not. Sorry, I’m fairly new here so you might have in the past.

Just the phrase: 'The whole family is really hung up on the idea of people “just wanting to be special” and it drives me nuts.’

As I come from Islamic family who moved to the united states before I was born.

My family is pretty religious. And I have a HUGE family. Aunts, Uncles, cousins and ten siblings and the whole entire extended family have all ended in America as they followed each other here early thirty years ago, before I was born.

Growing up in a pretty white, pretty non religious place, a lot of my siblings bece very proud of us being Muslim.

My sisters wore the hijabs and seperated themselves from the other women where we are living through their clothing. And the frequent praying and strict dietary requirement add to that kind of atmosphere of seperation from the masses.

Being religious seems to mean you think you are speical.

That you have a special relationship with God/Allah that only a few in your community get to have.

It is a feeling of us vs them. Us against the world.

I have a feeling Christians aren’t that different to Muslims like that.

My family thought I was 'juat trying to be different’ when they found out I was gay.

I didn’t tell them. Fuck that.

I was out at the mall with my boyfriend, a town over from home as I didn’t feel comfortable shopping with my boyfriend in my home town in case my family saw.

A cousin saw us holding hands. I didn’t see him. He followed us, taking a bunch of photos on his phone including a damning one of my boyfriend kissing me as I leaned into a wall.

I got home and fifteen of my family members were waiting in the lounge.

With those fucking photos. I still feel anxious just thinking about it. I can feel my heart racing even writing this.

My father was ranting and raving, and slapped me accross the face. Then two of my uncles held me down and whipped me with a belt until I was bleeding. I feel have the scars. I hate the scars so, so much. I feel so J when I see them in the mirror.

I was then locked in a bedroom and told I could not come out until I agreed to an arranged marriage with a family friend.

I was in that bedroom for three days, pissing in a bottle before I realised they weren’t going to let me out until I agreed to marry that girl.

The bedroom was on the second floor and deadbolted shut. I smashed the window open in the middle of the night, jumped off the roof and fucking RAN.

I broke my foot when I jumped but I didn’t even notice until later. My boyfriend thinks it must have been the adrenaline.

But anyway, made it to the place my boyfriend was renting (he was from our of town but we had met when he came to town for a short term job contract.)

I still remember how horrified he was when I turned up looking half dead on his door in the middle of the night after moving contact for nearly three days. Surprise. Not a great start to a new relationship really.

He wanted me to press charges, I refused as I did not want to see my family again. He left his job seven weeks early, forfeited a month’s rent and he called his mom that night and had her buy us airline tickets to fly to her state a day afterwards. I was a absolute mess.

To the extent I refused to let my boyfriend take me to the hospital as I was terrifed of my family looking for me in the hospitals.

I wore a long sleeve top on the plane, despite it being summer to cover up the cuts from the glass and walked on my broken foot. Making it worse. Some people say it is impossible to walk on a broken foot. Bullshit. Not if your as terrifed as I was.

I went to the hospital when we were safe in my boyfriend’s state.

I transferred colleges to go to one near where my boyfriend’s mom was living and we both ended up living with her for four years until we got a place of our own.

I love her. She is a mother to me.

Lucky for me my family knew nothing about my boyfriend, so have no idea what state he is in.

I’ve never tried to get in contact with them. I’m not a missing person as I told my college I was transferring but made it very clear I did not want my family knowing where I was going.

I kind of regret now not listening to my boyfriend and refusing to press charges. But I was a scared 18 year old kid. Now as a 26 year old I feel more confident. But then I really don’t want to open that can of worms again. As long as I never have to see them again I’ll be happy.

We are now engaged and thinking of co-parenting in the future with a lesbain couple who are very good friends of ours, we bonded as one of them went through something similar- one of the girls was locked into a room by her Christian parents when she came out at 21 and then shoved a male family friend from the church into the bedroom to “fix her”. Yep, her Christian parents had her raped. Unlike me my friend was brave and after she pretended to be 'converted’ she went straight to the police station and pressed charges. She hasn’t seen her family since the trial. We met in a support group for victims of family abuse. Our partners have become close friends too and we are excited about the four of us starting a family some day.

I’m happy but I am still affected my what happened and i sometimes hate myself for being weak. I’m paranoid and have even refused to go on Facebook and don’t let friends post photos of me online, as I am terrified of a mutual friend somehow passing a photo onto my family and finding me. I know it is a very slim possibly but I also thought getting seen with my boyfriend at the mall all those years ago was a silm possibility as well.

But I’ll never forget my family thinking I was gay because I was trying to spite them or be different for them. religious people desire so much to see themselves as special the ready to accuse other people very easily of 'trying’ to be 'special’ or 'different’.

So yeah. I am an atheist from a religious family, and from your comment I’m guessing your family might be religious as well? And from the sounds of it you have had it really tough because of your sexuality with your family as well. I know it is hard and I am sorry you have to deal with that.

Sometimes I even come across as a bit intolerant towards religion as I kind of shut down when people talk about it. My mind just goes blank and I panic. My friend from the Christian family feels the same.

So I am sorry for what you have gone through and being suicidal. I am sending you virtual hugs, as I know how lonely that can be and it does stay with you.

Dear Zain,

Wow! I’m so sorry that you had to go through all of that and thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m very happy that you got out of that situation and that it sounds like you’re quite happy now. Regarding the scars, I read a little while ago that there are specialized tattoo artists who cover up scars and stretch marks in a way that just looks like your natural skin (rather than covering it up with an image) and the results looked quite impressive. If your scars bother you so much, perhaps that would be an option for you to look at?

My family are pretty well all Jehovah’s Witnesses--cousins, uncles/aunts, grandparents. My biological father was a very abusive man (who was removed from my life when I was 14) but the rest of my family aren’t abusive. They’re just really stuck in a certain way of thinking and can be unkind when faced with anything different. They’ve learned and grown a lot over the years but they could be quite horrible when I was younger. I started dating my current boyfriend when I was 17 and they were really awful to him because he’s an atheist (so they naturally blamed him for “corrupting” me once I became more outspoken about my own lack of belief) and they tried pretty hard to break us up. My mum even kicked me out because she said I was a bad influence on my younger sister (I had only had a few months of school left before my graduation and she at least told me I didn’t have to leave until I finished). I moved out and refused to tell her where I went because I was so angry about it and I didn’t really talk to the people in my family much for the next year or two. I think they eventually realized that we weren’t going to break up and they started being a little nicer so (ten years later) I now have good relationships with all of them, but the damage was already done for my boyfriend and he still feels really on edge around them. I also have a rather large family by the way. I have eight siblings, though almost all of my extended family live in either Alberta or England so we don’t see them much.

I have PTSD and religious talk is one of my main triggers. I can discuss religion just fine and learn about it, but I can have quite severe reactions when I hear people talking about it as though they actually believe it. Any kind of sermon or people talking about trusting Jesus or God’s law, etc. will get my heart rate going and I’ll start to panic. I just have way too many horrible associations with it, especially because my biological father would use scriptures to justify beating us (there’s a scripture about how parents should stone their disobedient sons--that was his favourite because he could tell us we were lucky we were even allowed to live).

I think the weird obsession with “trying to be special” with my family is more to do with our upbringing than it is with their religion really. Although, now that you’ve mentioned that, I realize that JW culture is very big on how different they are from other Christians. I think it was a combination of there being too many children, everybody being freaking miserable, and my mother not believing that mental health issues were a real thing. There simply wasn’t time to see to the individual needs of nine different kids, especially since my father had absolutely no part in parenting, so my one of my mum’s favourite mottos was “if I can’t see blood or bone, I don’t want to hear about it”. We could actually get in trouble for crying if she couldn’t see a physical injury on us. She was one of those people (who thankfully has since learned how wrong it was) that used to regularly say stuff like depression wasn’t real and people who committed suicide were the most selfish people in the world. Pretty much any kind of mental health problem was just someone trying to get attention, like a kid throwing a temper tantrum to get what they want, and should be ignored or told off. It created a really horrible culture in our family where anybody doing or saying anything that was at all outside of the usual was just “trying to be special” and it was met with severe criticism and scorn. My mum saw cut marks on me once when I was 13 or so and her response was to tell me “if you’re gonna start up with that kind of nonsense, I’ll send you to the loonie bin” in a very threatening manner. She never asked why I was doing it or checked to see if I was still doing it. I just learned to use different methods that looked less obvious and continued with habits of self-harm for another five years or so.

I excuse a lot of my family’s behaviour (as well as some of my own at the time) as the lashing out of miserable people who saw no way out of their situation. None of us knew how to love each other properly or to show each other support because we had literally never experienced it before. My mum got married when she was 17 and was very quickly moved to Canada where she had no family or support system and I think she just accepted that adult life was supposed to suck as much as it did. Once my father was out of the picture, there were several turbulent years as we all learned how to act like normal people and how to treat each other the way that family should. I’m very grateful for the change that has happened, even if some people still have a ways to go.

Thanks again for sharing your story and I’m so happy to hear that you’re doing well now. Sending you virtual hugs back :)

#hello friend #this time it's personal #submission

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mchenryjd · 6 years

Text

2017 in Review

Necessarily incomplete, mostly for my personal record. I will probably regret this.

MOVIES

10. mother!

Got to a screening late, had to sit in the third show, could barely tell what was happening and spent most of the movie staring at J. Law’s flared nostrils. An ideal viewing experience.

9. Personal Shopper

Nothing captures the purposeful emptiness of spending time online like Kristen Stewart texting a ghost.

8. Get Out

I kept telling my dad this movie was funny to get him to see it, not realizing he didn’t already know it was a horror movie. Afterwards, he texted me, “that was not a comedy!” Feels like that’s enough a metaphor. Daniel Kaluuya for best actor.

7. Star Wars: The Last Jedi

A Star Wars movie about loving Star Wars movies, which means loving the epic, silly struggle between good and epic, loving the spiral staircase that is John Williams’s force theme, loving it when character always do the coolest possible thing followed by the next coolest possible thing, loving dumb furry creatures and sarcastic slimy ones, loving it when characters kiss when you want them to kiss, loving the hundred-million-dollar sandbox of it all. After the constricted dance steps of The Force Awakens and Rogue One, give me this bleeding freestyle any day.

6. Phantom Thread

Finally, proof that everyone in a serious relationship has lost it.

5. Call Me By Your Name

I refuse to believe that being stuck in rural Italy would be anything other than deadly boring and if my father insisted on turning everything into a lecture on classical art, I would run away. Also, there’s a contrast between the book (vague on the details of place and time, vividly specific on matters of sex) and the film (more contextually specific, sexier, but less horny than the original). Also, who am I kidding, I was moved and unsettled by the force of the thing. *Michael Stuhlbarg voice* Pray you get a chance to fall in love like this.

4. Dunkirk

Having your tense, churning, clanking, thrumming, score transform into Elgar right when the beautiful, imperiled young heroes are reading a stirring speech (and Tom Hardy is heroically sacrificing himself in what looks like the middle of a Turner painting) is a level of craft so deft if feels like cheating, but it works.

3. BPM

A film about a community in danger that acts as both a memorial to and rallying cry for that community. Uncompromising, accommodating, queer in the best way, BPM makes you want to cry and go dancing at the same time.

2. Columbus

The kind of movie that makes you want to get in a car and keep driving until you find something beautiful, it has stuck and expanded in my memory ever since I saw it over the summer. Like the architecture that looms large in the setting, the plot can feel uncomfortably schematic – John Cho wants to leave and gets stuck, Haley Lu Richardson is stuck and gets to leave. The question is how people live within, and blur the edges of, those confines. John Cho has a winning, curdled decency; Haley Lu Richardson gives the hardest kind of performance, in that she often seems unaware of her character’s own wants. I’d watch her quietly assemble dinner for hours on end.

1. Lady Bird

A movie that feels less plotted and more prefigured – every fight between Lady Bird has happened before, every high school landmark lumbers by with inevitability, every boy disappoints in the way you expect. What redeems all this? Paying attention, which is also love, in this movie’s pseudo-religious sense. Between Lady Bird and Marion, between Lady Bird and Julie, between Lady Bird and Sacramento. Watch people closely, as Greta Gerwig does, and they reveal glimmers of themselves (I know so little, and yet everything, about Stephen McKinley Henderson’s drama teacher from a few moments that feel perfect, in the sense of contained, past-tense completeness). It’ll all so ordinary. Fall in love with it.

Honorable mentions: Regina Hall’s speech about friendship in Girls Trip, Sally Hawkins tracing a droplet with her finger in The Shape of Water, Meryl Streep on the phone in The Post, Cara Delevingne in Valerian, Rihanna in Valerian, the part where the ghost jumped off the building in A Ghost Story, the fact that Power Rangers was surprisingly good, the soldier who gasps as Diana whips out her hair in the trenches in Wonder Woman, Ansel Elgort’s jacket in Baby Driver, whenever anyone tried to explain anything in Alien: Covenant, Elisabeth Moss in The Square, Anh Seo-hyun feeding Okja in Okja, Lois Smith being in movies, the kids eating ice cream in The Florida Project, the Game of Thrones joke in Logan Lucky, Vella Lovell in The Big Sick, and finally, most preciously, the moment in Home Again where Reese Witherspoon kissed Michael Sheen and someone in my theater shouted “she’s not feeling it!”

TELEVISION

10. The Good Doctor

Listen, he’s a good doctor.

9. Riverdale

They’re hot. They’re angsty. They do drugs that look like Pixy-Stix. They never seem to do homework. They love to hook-up in weird locations. They have terrible taste in karaoke songs. They love hair dye, and a well-defined eyebrow. They have really hot parents. They’re TV teens! I love it.

8. Insecure

This is just to say that I am far too invested in Molly’s happiness as a person. I would also like to view a full season of Due North.

7. American Vandal

From Alex Trimboli to Christa Carlyle, the best names on TV are on this show. Also the best reenactments, and somehow the most incisive take on what fuels, and results from TV’s true-crime obsession. Jimmy Tatro mumbling!

6. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

More shows should take the opportunity to explode in their third seasons, rocket forward at full speed, diagnose their main characters, and give Josh Groban wonderful, unexplainable cameos.

5. Alias Grace

A show that conjured a performance for the ages out of Sarah Gadon and somehow made Zachary Levi palatable as a dramatic actor, this miracle of collaboration between Mary Harron and Sarah Polley is all the better for being binged. Down it in an afternoon, think of Grace under her black veil, daring you to disbelieve her, for years to come.

4. Twin Peaks: The Return

A show that drove nostalgia into itself like a knife to the chest. Totally absurd. The best revival/exorcism yet on TV.

3. Please Like Me

“Sorry about your life.” “I’m sorry about your life.” In a time when things tend to peter out, what a final season, in which everything goes to shit and then some. Maybe TV’s most prickly comedy, Please Like Me’s heart is of the “stumble along and keep going” sort and never does it test itself as much as it did with this bleak, pastel final statement.

2. The Leftovers

Do you believe Nora Durst’s story? Sometimes I do. Sometimes I think it sounds ridiculous. Sometimes I relax in the comfortable, academic premise that it only matters that Kevin does. It’s a haunting idea, though, this image of world even emptier than The Leftovers’s own, where it’s possible to wander for untold time in darkness. Carrie Coon’s description of it is a kind of journey to the underworld – we’re there with her, maybe, and then we make it back, maybe. The trick of The Leftovers is the wound’s never fully healed.

1. Halt and Catch Fire

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The world changes. People sorta don’t.

Honorable mentions: the twist in The Good Place, the Taylor Swift demon character in Neo Yokio, Claire Foy on The Crown, Vanessa Kirby on The Crown, the stand-up in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, Cristin Milioti in Black Mirror, the televised Academy Awards ceremony, the weeks when Netflix didn’t release new TV shows I had to watch, Girls’s “American Bitch,” the fact that Adam Driver is both in Girls and Star Wars, Keri Russell and Matthew Rhys performances on The Americans (and life in Brooklyn), the moments in Game of Thrones that were good enough to make me stop thinking about what people would write about Game of Thrones, season 2 of The Magicians’s resistance to any sort of plot logic, Jane the Virgin’s narrator, Nicole Kidman at therapy on Big Little Lies, Reese Witherspoon’s production of Avenue Q in Big Little Lies, Alexis Bledel holding things in The Handmaid’s Tale, Maggie Gyllenhaal directing porn in The Deuce, Alison Brie’s terrible Russian accent in Glow, Maya Rudolph in Big Mouth, Cush Jumbo miming oral sex with a pen in court in The Good Fight, the calming experience of watching new episodes of Superstore and Great News on Fridays, Eden Sher in The Middle, the fake books they make up for Younger, and Rihanna livestreaming herself watching Bates Motel.

THEATER

10. Indecent

History, identity, community all mangled together in something that’s both excavation and revivification. I’m so mad I didn’t get to see it with my mom.

9. Mary Jane

A nightmare that goes from bad to worse, which Carrie Coon performed with the endurance of a saint.

8. SpongeBob SquarePants

Highlights: The tap number, the Fiddler on the Roof joke, the many uses of pool noodles, David Zinn’s design in general, the arms, the volcano setpiece, the fact that somehow I kept laughing for two-and-a-half hours at something SpongeBob SquarePants. Tina Landau, you’re a hero.

7. Hello, Dolly!

I had a wonderful viewing experience like this, in that I sat alone on an aisle next to an older gay man who turned to me right when the curtain came down on the first act and said, “man, we love Bette.” (Shout out to any and all gags involving the whale.)

6. Groundhog Day

Proof you can dig deeper into the material you’re adapting and still find more. Sometimes, the funniest gags come out of old-fashioned repetition. Andy Karl has the Rolex-like ability to make it all speed by without revealing any of the ticks, and then wallop you in the second act.

5. The Glass Menagerie

A lot of unconventional ideas piled onto each other that go so far into strange territory that they loop back around to being immediate. Maybe distant to some, but enough to unsettle me. I can still smell the onstage rain.

4. The Wolves

A sign of a good play is probably that you remain invested in the characters long after you see it, and I’m going to spend so much time worrying about all the girls on the soccer team in The Wolves for the rest of my life.

3. The Band’s Visit

Katrina Lenk has a gorgeous voice. Tony Shalhoub is restrained to the point that he could move his baton with nanometer accuracy. The songs are transporting. But most of all, The Band’s Visit manages to capture loneliness better than nearly any musical I’ve seen. Everyone, audience included, experiences something together, and then it all, slowly, both lingers and drifts apart.

2. A Doll’s House, Part 2

What, you think I wasn’t going to include a play with a Laurie Metcalf performance? ADHP2 is perhaps clever to a fault in its set-up, but in the right hands, it turns into something both funny and moving – a story about what it takes to become a complete person, in or outside the influence of other people. Nora’s monologue about living in silence near the end is the full of the kind of simple statements that are so hard to act, and so brilliant when done just right.

1. The Antipodes

Both an extended meditation on what it means to run out of stories and a brutal subtweet of Los Angeles, The Antipodes is my kind of play, in that it’s mostly people talking, Josh Charles is involved and very disgruntled, and everyone eats a lot of take out.

Honorable mentions: the music in Sunday in the Park With George, the pies in Sweeney Todd, the ensemble of Come From Away, seeing Dave Malloy in The Great Comet of 1812, Alex Newell’s “Mama Will Provide” in Once on This Island, Cate Blanchet having fun in The Present, Imelda Staunton in the NTLive Follies, Michael Urie in Torch Song, Patti LuPone’s accent(s) in War Paint, Ashley Park in KPOP, and Gleb.

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