coffeesforfuckers

[coffeesforfuckers]

You are a freaking awesome creator and honestly one of my favorite ones on here, thank you for sticking around and sharing your stories with us

I'm cryin, oh my god this is so sweet and pure, I love you and I will share my stories for as long as you want me!! Feel free to message me anytime because you are pure and I love you ❤

[coffeesforfuckers]

Hi you're cute

This is so cute thank you 😍😍💫

[coffeesforfuckers]

OH M Y G O D

[coffeesforfuckers]

Idk(hbtfm) what you mean but like I agree with it and support it. I sold my soul for my writing abilities and then overthrew satan and now I rule hell. Love you and Thnks Fr Th Sk

@welcometothecliques

[coffeesforfuckers]

I’m Sorry Every Song’s About You // Peterick

Pairing: Peterick Summary: Pete Wentz is too in love with Patrick Stump to actually say the words out loud so he just spills his guts into albums (Eight to be exact). But there's always one special song in an album that is in no way subtle in saying "I am in love with the tiny not-so-punk-man singing this song" But for a brilliant man, Patrick Stump sure is a motherfucking oblivious idiot. Word Count: 3,792

I’m sorry every songs about you.

Those words echoed in my mind, it was something Patrick never knew. Seven completed albums with songs all about him, soon it would be eight. The Fourth Of July was the most important song to me, and the date was my least favorite.

This song spilled my heart out into a crappy song. It was just like Death Valley and the one ‘special’ song from each album. Each special song wasn’t just my feeling spilling over onto a paper, they’re the story of the most important moments with him.

Let me start from the beginning.

|||

It all started when Patrick asked me to join the band all the way back in the summer of 2000. He said that my writings would be put to good use, and that’s when ‘ Pretty in Punk’ was brought to life.

So many kids but I only see you.

And I don't think you notice me...

That lyric was from when I first noticed Patrick when we were in Freshman year of high school. He was in some band as the drummer at the time and I was in some screamo band, obviously I was the lead.

He watched me get off the stage and the first thing I knew is he was thinking I was a prick, saying to his friend who was the singer in the band, "He stands alone because he's high on himself.”

His words were harsh and I definitely overheard them as he got on the stage.

I stood alone because I had nobody to stand next to, I mean I wasn’t the most well liked human around obviously. I was in a screamo band that played in the same old shitty basement of the same old shitty sports bar every week but I mean, he was always here with his band and he that meant he couldn’t be any better.

(Of course I’m wrong, little did I know at the time, the tiny man could play any instrument and speak any language you threw at him with his beautiful fucking face, and he also had that perfect singing voice and lungs of steel on top of it all. He was a fucking catch.)

It was July Fourth when he approached me with his proposition.

“Hey, screamo guy, Wentz is it?” He steps up to me, trying to be taller than he was. He may’ve had longer legs than me but I was still taller.

“Pete Wentz.” I say and he nods.

“Patrick Stump.” He replies. I knew that because I had not ‘ stalked’ per-say but I did my research.

“Yeah, what’s up?” I question, looking down ever-so-slightly at him.

“You play anything?”

“Like sports?” What kind of question was that?

“No dipshit, instruments. Do I look like I’d be asking about fucking sports. ” Man he was really hot. I was a slut for him.

Not really but you get it.

“Yeah, bass, guitar, little bit of piano.” I shrug, “Why?”

“You want to join my band? I need a bassist.” He says blatantly. This is the type of dream I’d been waiting for.

“Yeah! Of course! Sure.” I nod frantically, “I also write music and stuff a lot if you needed any songs.”

“Songs…? Oh! Yeah! Songs, we need lots. Like an album worth.” He nods, “Maybe you can put your writings to good use and make the songs, I’ll make the melodies.”

“Okay. Sounds good to me.”

/|\

My anxiety liked to rear it’s ugly head at the worst of times. Like the time we were getting ready for our first ever gig. I could just about vomit.

Patrick plucks at his guitar strings, not a care in the world. We weren’t close, not nearly as close as I’d hoped even after three years had passed.

“Would-... Would you mind if I sat next to you?” I speak and he looks up at me with those big blue eyes.

“I don’t mind, go ahead.” He smiles and all my worry seems to fade.

Would you mind if I sat next to you and watched you smile?

And the song was made with that lyric, it’s all I needed. Pretty in Punk. The small blue-eyed man in some stupid clothes, playing music much too heavy for his personality, the first song written for my pretty boy dressed in punk.

|||

Patrick was my saving grace by the end of Senior year. Everybody around here sucked. (Other than Joe and Andy, of course).

I was living off of his happiness.

You were the last good thing about this part of town.

That lyric had come and gone through my head in multiple varying ways, most too advanced or too bland. That was perfect, simple, straight to the point and not as painfully obvious as some of the other ideas I’d had.

My phone rings at three in the morning, that had been happening more often than I pleased. Always Patrick crying over the same boy.

“Pete!” He wales into the phone.

“What happened this time, boo?” I mumble half-asleep into the receiver.

“He- He said… He said that he didn’t l-... Love me! He called me a slut!” He bawls and I huff, it hurt to hear it, “He asked why I couldn’t just be- be… Happy with what-... What he already g-... Gives me!”

“Awe, Pat…” I sigh, “You need to break-up with him… He’s like poison to you, if you don’t give him up, you’ll wind up dead…” I hated listening to him cry, I just love him.

“No! I need him!” He hiccups, “I love him, Pete.” Ouch…

You need him.

I could be him…

I’m not even the slightest bit subtle.

But he’ll never catch on.

|||

It’s the summer of 2005, July Fourth to be exact, and I’m standing outside of the hotel we’d been staying in and Patrick is stood on the edge of the balcony in his room.

“What are you doing!? Get down! You’re going to fall!” I shout up to him.

“Good! I hope I do!” He calls.

“What the fuck are you talking about!?”

“I’m just the man on the balcony!” He sings, “Nobody will ever remember me!” He’s crying. I knew he’d been a bit off lately but not to the extent of suicide.

“Patrick! Just step back into the room! I’ll be up soon, just please! Please ! Go inside!” I pleade.

“No!” He shouts.

“Patrick! Please !” I cry out.

“Why should I!?” He’s sobbing, swaying at the edge and making me nervous. Where the fuck were Andy and Joe?

“Because! You’re the only reason I’m even alive right now!” I admit shakily, “I need you, Patrick!”

He seems shocked but he steps down and goes inside. I run up the stairs as fast as my legs could carry me. Patrick is sitting on the floor in tears, I don’t say a word and just hold him, wrapping my arms around his plump body and I just sit there with him. It’s a long time before either of us say anything, hours actually.

He tells me how worthless he feels, useless, pathetic, stupid, good for nothing… Every word that comes from his mouth is untrue. My chest begs to spill all the words that come to mind when I think of him but my brain uses logic and better judgement to tell him all the things he is to everybody and not just to me. I sit and watch him as he listens to me, not believing a single word.

“Patrick, trust me, you’re perfect. You take whatever you're given and make is a million times better… That’s more than I can say, I only want what I can’t have. ”

He nods and rests his head on my shoulder, “I bet that’s not true, Pete, I know that it isn’t.”

It’s more true than he could ever realize.

And “From now on we’re enemies” was born.

|||

By ‘ Infinity on High ’ I was struggling to hide the fact that I was violently and painfully in love with the short lead singer that I wrote album after album about, he obviously was blind, not noticing all of those little things that were shoved into every song that I stole from our lives.

It caused a lot of tension between us, not that I was keeping secrets, he didn’t even know that I was really. It’s just that it was becoming hard for me to do anything involving him without wanting to scream my love for him from the top of my lungs.

My little fantasies becoming too strong that I ended up not even writing a full album confessing my love in some weird, fucked up way, but rather one song where I basically just shout that I love him and hope he gets it.

Yes, the other songs did have their moments where I spilled my guts into a line or two or maybe a whole verse or two but mostly they were bone dry of my emotion, saving it up for a bonus track that would barely even be heard.

I toss and turn in bed, my mind spinning from the thoughts floating through. Patrick. Just everything about him made my chest hurt and body weak. He turned me to mush just by existing.

My mind plays back the swaying of his hips, you know, the thing he does on stage where he kind of grinds his guitar. I could never tell if it was on purpose or if he was just teasing. And the leg thing he does to keep to the beat, well, that’s how it started but now it was just a thing he did because it was habit, like when a person bounces their leg while sitting or drums on things with anything they can, just a subconscious tic really.

I also think of the way he says things or when he speaks in any of those languages, especially French. The way he moans in his songs, as if it were the best sex he’d ever had.

I can’t help but to imagine here and there either, the way he moves, but on me this time, or just for me. Lips pressed close to mine.

I've loved everything about you that hurts.

I try to trade baby blues, for wide-eyed browns , anything that doesn’t belong to him but it doesn't stop me from sleeping with his old shirts that he’s left here. They somehow still smell so much like him, so sweet.

And I've traced your shadows on the wall.

Now I kiss them whenever I'm down...

It’s nights like these, the ones with thoughts like those, that it gets so bad that I almost pick up the phone. Nights like these I almost tell him.

|||

This album is the one I couldn’t pour my heart into. I was rapidly losing Patrick. He and I were unable to communicate anymore.

I can’t remember,

The good old days.

He was bitter and hostile over nothing in particular.

I was bitter and hostile over the fact that I was in love with my best friend.

My mind is a safe with all the secrets I’ve compiled into it in the past nine years of knowing him. It would feel so dirty to let it all out even if it would relieve the tension that repelled us like magnets.

If I keep it in we all get rich . If I let it all out then it ruins everything that we built.

I watch Patrick often. He’s not happy anymore. He’s not Patrick anymore. Are all the good times getting gone?

They come and go and come and go.

I missed when Patrick was a happy person, when his smile made butterflies soar within me. I miss when he’d hug me for no reason other than he just was happy. I miss when he’d get close to me, like the kind of close that’s way too close.

I just miss what he used to be.

What we used to be.

And that makes me realize, if home is where the heart is, then we're all just fucked.

|||

In the studio on July Fourth of 2007 when everything explodes. It’s a blur in my mind. Patrick and I screaming at each other. Joe and Andy had left hours ago, their parts were done. I was trying to help.

“You fucking idiot! Look what you did! It’s gone!” He yells over a song that he had been piecing together. It was an easy fix but he was at the end of his rope and it looks like he just hung himself with it, “You can’t do anything right! Agh! This is why I hate you!” He yells and slams his fist on the mixing station.

“Fuck you, Patrick! I try so hard to fucking please you but all you do is bitch! You’re never happy with anything! No wonder everybody leaves you!” I know I was harsh but I was having a breakdown and my mind was collapsing on me, “I would fucking leave too! I would never miss you if I fucking left either!”

“Then why the fuck haven’t you!?” He cries out with his fists balled at his sides, “Just leave already foc fuck sakes!” He slams me back into a table, causing a candle that was lit to hit the floor and light an old curtain ablaze. This triggered the fire alarms and the sprinklers go off.

The fire goes out without our aid and once the sudden sense of panic leaves, Patrick begins to laugh. Not nervous, iffy laughter, but full on, head thrown back, barely able to stand, can’t catch your breath kind of laughing. And he looks so beautiful.

He looks so happy.

So good…

We are alive here in this moment.

That’s when I kiss him.

The past nine years of feelings spill out and not onto paper this time, all over Patrick himself as I slam him up against the wall and kiss him with my all. My all isn’t enough to convey the way I love him.

Nothing is enough for him.

He’s kissing me back.

‘Cause we are alive,

Here in Death Valley.

Which is where I push my love down your throat and you push your frustration out through it in the form of lying through your tongue.

But don’t take love off the table yet…

‘Cause tonight,

It’s just fire alarms and losing you...

I think it’s love, with the way you are with me, the way we are together for a while, almost a real couple, until you stop the calls and texts and the band breaks up.

/|\

That song is so special that I wrote it three years in advance. In the three years while Patrick did his thing and Joe did his and Andy did his and I didn’t do anything…

All that I ended up doing was failing in the one thing I thought I could fucking get right.

Down a bottle of pills and fall asleep.

Why was I an idiot?

Though, that incident brought me close to Patrick again, that incident brought me to the recording studio where I had to listen to Patrick blatantly sing about the night he left me high and dry after (somewhat) admitting that I was in love with him.

He still didn’t get that it meant more than nothing.

For a brilliant man, Patrick Stump sure is a motherfucking oblivious idiot.

|||

And finally it all brought us here. To the song where I give up hiding the little things in it and flat out say that every song is about him.

It was the fourth of July, 2013. Him and I were laying out on my roof. The sky was bright that night, the fireworks hadn’t begun quite yet.

Patrick wraps an arm around me and slides close and I look at him in shock. He smiles at me, “It’s cold.” He mumbles.

What if I kissed him?

My mind instantly jumped and I shook it away.

“Yeah it is.” I agree so he’ll stay close.

You are my favorite "what if".

You are my best "I'll never know".

We lay like this for far too long. The fireworks come and go and he’s still there. He’s still there as if he’d never left.

I said I'd never miss you...

But I guess you never know…

I just wish he knew how much it hurt for him to hold me and not feel anything. I wish he cared enough to know .

/|\

We’re in the studio, it’s July of 2015 when we finally get around to making a new album. This is when I finally get to have the only song that matters framed forever with his beautiful voice.

I’d struggled with the bridge more than I’d like to admit. But either way, I knew Patrick would make it work and it’d be beautiful (and forgotten) as always.

I sit out in the mixing booth, watching Patrick through the glass, He holds his headphones on his head with one hand, his phone in front of him with the other to read the lyrics.

“I wish I'd known the ways to word it… I wish I tried enough for you... Oh, I'm sorry every song's about you… The torture of small talk…  With someone you used to love.” He got it to sound amazing but he shakes his head, waving a hand around slightly, “No… I-... No.” He makes eye contact with me and I can tell this finally made him realize.

“What’s up?” I ask.

“It’s not that the lyrics are bad but I-... Could I try something?” He practically begs.

“Yeah, go ahead… You’re the singer, doesn’t matter to me.” And I was dismissed.

“Okay.” He steps up to the microphone again and regains his position from before.

“Whenever you’re ready.” I nod and start the track again.

“I wish I'd known how much you loved me… I wish I cared enough to know… I'm sorry every song's about you… The torture of small talk, with someone you used to love.” He gives a thumbs up and I can’t function enough to do just about anything.

Joe steps in and turns the track off and the recording.

“Is that okay? I’ve had that for a long time… It was supposed to be for my solo album but it didn’t fit.” Patrick chuckles weakly.

“Like Miss Missing You?” Andy chimes in.

“Yeah, just like that, but these lyrics meant more to me.” He stares at me as he says it. I shiver as if he’d just poured ice all over my body.

“It’s close to midnight and I’m exhausted, Patrick, please don’t do the ‘ it’s not perfect ’ thing, as always , and fucking make us stay here all night.”  Joe scolds.

“I think that’s good for tonight. You guys can leave. I’m going to stay and mend some loose ends.” He still watches me as he speaks.

“Okay, well, peace out fuckers.” Joe holds up a peace sign as he leaves the room.

“I’ve gotta go before Joe leaves me here again. Bye guys!” Andy hurries after his lover, leaving Patrick and I alone with a glass barrier between us.

He stares at me for a long time, and I stare back.

Eventually he breaks his gaze and pulls off the headphones and hangs them off the mic stand. He gingerly makes his way to the door and pushes it open, stepping into the mixing room with me.

“So…” He mumbles as he steps looks at the floor, body turned in my direction as the door clicks shut behind him.

“So…” I hum back, looking up at him from my seat.

“All those songs really are about me?” He asks, playing with his small hands.

“Well, yeah… It was pretty obvious.” I huff softly at the dumb question. Of course they were about him, who else would I write any of that about!?

“I just… I thought I was overthinking it.” He shrugs, “I never saw you as one to fall in love with someone like me, especially a boy at that.” He murmurs.

In all the years I’d known him he didn’t even know I was into boys.

“I heard a rumor…” He starts and pauses, “A really long time ago… Freshman year of high school actually… I heard a friend, of a friend, of a friend had heard that Pete Wentz was a boy who liked to kiss boys. I thought, maybe I’m not the only one. Maybe I’m not different. So I followed you around… You weren’t like any of the boys that have ever liked to kiss other boys that I’d ever seen so I thought that it couldn’t be true… But I continued to follow you and you seemed like a prick but, you were a pretty cute prick so it was okay… Then I asked you to be in my band and you always wrote songs about people, people that I assumed were not me… I… I’ve always wanted them to be about me and I’ve always wanted to kiss that boy that a friend, of a friend, of a friend told me about that also happened  to like kissing boys.” He rambles on and on but I hold onto each word as if it were going to be his last.

“And I knew that you were a boy who liked to kiss other boys that were not like me, and also were not me, so, I spilled my feelings into words on pages that barely made any sense, half hoping you’d get it and half hoping you’d never take a second glance at it.” I say, “I’m a boy, who just so happens to like kissing a boy that he’s hopelessly in love with… A boy named Patrick Stump.”

His baby-blues meet my wide-eyed browns.

And his toned pink lips meet mine.

There are no fire alarms or sprinklers or losing him.

Right now it’s just him and I, Patrick and Pete, together with our mouths connecting like the land with the sky, colliding like the moon and sun, fitting like broken halves that found each other.

We found each other, we are all of it, we are more than the songs written for each other, we are us.

Patrick and Pete.

Pete and Patrick.

No longer alone, with the songs to bind our words.

‘Til death do us part.

As a future promise.

But right now, here with my eyes closed and Patrick on top of me I realize, I never have to write a song to numb the pain again because now I don’t have to bottle it all up inside, I can just tell him.

“I love you.”

[coffeesforfuckers]

The Afterlife Is Most Definitely No Parade // Peterick

Pairing: Peterick Summary: It's no secret that Peter Wentz has depression nor was it a secret that he thought about death a lot. He doesn't understand that suicide doesn't only effect him. Maybe if he thought more and did less then he would realize the only reason he was alive in the first place should've been the reason to keep living because watching the person you love the most suffer because of your stupidity and lack of thinking is worse than being alive. Word Count: 4,809 Warnings: Death/Suicide

Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III

Found alone in bathroom, unresponsive. - 7:19am.

Time of death - 8:02am, June 27th, 2013.

He knew that it couldn’t be real. It just wasn’t, he’d held his hand in the hospital room, the ‘dead-man’ said he loved him, He know he did, even though everybody else says he didn’t, that it was impossible. They don’t know, of course they didn’t know. He wasn’t just hearing things, He knew he wasn’t.

They said that the man had been brain dead for hours before they pulled the plug, since before his body was even acknowledge to be on that bathroom floor.

If only he’d stayed over last night, he couldn't help but to think.

So many what if’s and not enough answers arose within him.

He didn't cry, he didn't weep, he didn't shed a tear over the death of the man he planned to marry. He even had the ring and all, yet he didn't even feel the slightest bit of pain.

The days rolled over him and he felt nothing. He'd stopped at the home that his love had left the world in, it just felt like nothing was wrong, as if he were away on vacation. He cleaned the bathroom, washing the blood and water away, replacing the mats on the floor that were now stained and ruined.

It was a bit eerie for him to not return home in the evenings, though it didn't raise any red flags in his mind.

The wake comes and even seeing him laid out in his pretty suit, it still doesn't make him cry. He brought the ring and put it on the numb, too-cold fingers of the deadman, they were meant to be married but this was as good as it would ever be. To him it felt like the wedding was to be planned. An undetermined date that would never come.

Seeing people with tears unable to be stopped, choked up and barely able to breathe, it made him feel like he was missing something. He still wasn't sad, it just felt weird. He just wanted to scream, to yell at all the watery-eyed people and tell them they're crazy. His lover wasn't dead. No way was the love of his life, dead.

Then came the funeral. He rode in the limousine with his lovers’ family. They cried, holding each other like something bad had happened. He didn't get it, he couldn't be dead, it was impossible. They looked at him with these alienated stares as he did not weep for the loss of something so important. He was numb to the ache.

He really did try to get this thought through his head that maybe the person he wanted to spend his life with was truly gone. It didn't work. There was no underlying sadness or any aching pain that caused his chest to burn like there should've been.

He sits with an unmovable stillness as he stares down the sleek black and red coffin. He can't stop remembering that scene from an old video they'd shot. He kept thinking that his love would rise from that death-box like nothing happened, like it was all a stupid dream and he'd wake up soon and they'd all rush to a gig, just like the video.

He knew that it wasn't happening as they lowered the coffin deep into the ground before the headstone that read;

Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz |||

“If heaven's grief, brings hell’s reign, then I'd trade all my tomorrow's, for just one yesterday.”

He was the one that requested that be put there, it was true, something the man he loved had once said to him when things were going wrong. His love wrote a song with it, a song that nobody could ever hear. It was for him and only him now.

He may not have cried but he stayed the longest. Once they all were gone he leaned against the headstone, resting his head on the cool rock.

“ I love you.” He breathes out softly with no emotion in his words. He felt like he just had to do this, missing the person who was his world more than he thought. He couldn't wait to hug the deadman again, his brain was convinced he would hold him again.

It had been so long since his lover had touched his skin and kissed his mouth, it felt wrong. He missed the smell of the man who held his heart and he went to the place he always imagined sharing with his other half.

Laying on the bed, he watches the curtains sway from the light breeze flowing from the window that was open just a crack. That's when he suddenly knew.

His everything was never coming back, never again would he feel the soft touch of his beautiful lover’s hands. He wouldn't feel the bumped calloused tips of his fingers run over his skin or gentle warm breaths caressing his skin late in the evening while the man he loved so dearly held him. Never again would he look into those brown eyes or kiss those soft lips. Nor would his face get sore and raw from the coarse stubble on his love’s mouth.

He wouldn't hear the smooth caramel sounding voice that he’d become so accustomed to. No more smiles, no more heavenly laughter. He would never feel the dark brown, burned locks of short curls that rested on the man's head, he could never bury his face into the naturally tanned boy and inhale his perfect scent again.

Never again could he simply be with his human.

He just wanted to hear the sound of his name being said by his favorite person one more time.

Just one more ‘I love you’ is what he now begged for as all those tears that never came ran down his plump, reddened cheeks. He wheezed heavily and choked as the pain smacked him so hard that it felt like everything in him had shattered to bits. The tears pooled down him and onto his neck and shirt and they also streamed down the sides of his face and onto his lover’s old bed.

He grasped the pillow that his lover had once slept on and held it against himself, curling up and trying to be as small as possible.

He just wanted to disappear.

His body shook hard and his chest heaved as he struggled to keep breathing between hysterical sobs. He was crying the way that people do when they're alone at night and just can't go on, they try to stay quiet but the sobs just pour out of them like water from the tap. He can't stop crying and the pain just gets worse and worse with each thing that reminds him of the man he held so dear.

All the what if’s were now so serious.

What if I stayed with him?

What if I got here earlier?

What if I tried harder?

What if…

What if…

He kept crying so hard that he lost his voice, that he could barely walk, that he couldn't see anything but the pooled tears in his eyes and the deformed pillow that his face was shoved deep into.

It hurt to watch him suffer.

Especially when it was all my fault.

Regret.

I regret taking my life, I regret hurting the man I want a life with.

I hadn’t even known I was dead until I saw myself in that casket. I was really an idiot wasn’t I?

The funny thing about it all is that before, I always said I regret not taking all the pills in that parking lot, that I regret calling someone to say my goodbyes instead of just simply writing them.

Now that I've done (almost) all of that and succeeded in it, I now wish I wasn’t so stupid. I ruined everything. I have just realized that I miss living even though it was like a personal hell for me to keep going each day.

I just wanted to hug him.

Oh, Patrick… I’m so sorry…

I feel tears prick at my eyes. I can’t cry anymore since I’m dead but I can still almost cry. It hurts so bad to watch the man I love with all my non-beating heart be so hurt over something so stupid that I did.

I lay on the bed next to him and hold him, he shivers, which makes me smile. He can feel me, kind of.

I love you, Patrick.

He whimpers. I just wanted to really be there for him. Like he said all the time, I would always be there to get him out of the trouble that I got him into.

This is the one time that I couldn’t.

|||

I followed him and he didn’t even know. I watched over him like some kind of guardian angel. Apparently there was no heaven nor hell, you just wander the earth for all eternity, alone. This is what I’ve concluded at least.

I also explored the house sometimes. I liked to lay on the bed and pretend I could still smell his sweet scent and pretend I could still feel his touch and kiss his mouth and tell him over and over that he’s mine and that I love him more than anything.

He’d been writing quite a lot, I knew that Fall Out Boy had broken-up after my passing. It was confusing to me why he was writing so much, he swore he’d never go solo again.

I had noticed a few papers strewn about the house that would prove otherwise.

The most confusing thing in my mind was time. I didn’t sleep and somehow days, weeks and even months pass by in a night. I don’t even know how long it’s been since I died anymore.

He’s been doing a little better than he had been that day it all came to him. Sometimes though he seems to have such bad days that he can’t even get out of bed. Today he’s doing well and it hurts to see that but makes me happy that he can be okay.

He’d taken my dogs as his own and both Hemingway and Rigby seemed to be happy with him. They were taking good care of Patrick for me and I was so thankful for that.

I follow after him as he goes for a walk, I kick at the pebbles on the sidewalk and they don’t move, just passing right through my feet. I didn’t even really walk on the ground anymore, I just float everywhere. He takes a different route than normal while walking the dogs today. It’s a long walk and I know if I actually were walking my legs would be killing me.

We get to a cemetery and it takes me a moment to realize why he’d lead me there. He steps up to my grave and it feels so wrong to be looking at my name on a headstone. He runs his hand over the letters carefully.

“I’m sorry it took so long to visit… I can’t stay long…” His voice sounds so good. He always sounds so warm. He places an envelope on the ground, it says my name in pretty handwriting that I knew wasn’t Patrick’s, “I love you, baby.”  He pats the stone and walks off, I can tell he’s crying.

I sit down and concentrate on the letter, I reach out and grasp it, somehow it works and I get the envelope open. I tug the letter out and it slips through my fingers and onto the grass below. I lean over it and read it to myself.

Dear  Pete,

I miss you… a lot… I don't know how I've made it without you, I just want you back. It still feels so wrong to be without you, even after almost a year. Hemingway and Rigby miss you too, sometimes I swear I can hear your voice, I think they can too… I hope you're still with me somehow, I hope you know how much I still love you.

My therapist has told me to try writing you notes and stuff so I tried. I don't really know what to say even though you'll never get to read it.

It's so lonely here without you. Joe and Andy come visit a lot to check on me so you don't have to worry about me. I'm doing okay, some days are worse than others.

I started writing again, songs, music, stories… It’s been making me feel a bit better. I know I said never again but I just need anything to stop myself from giving into the pain and joining you...

I just want to know why you did it? Why did you leave me? I thought you loved me? I'm sorry I wasn't there for you…

With all my love,

Pat.

If I could cry, I would be sobbing rivers. I manage to focus on a rock hard enough to place it on the letter so it couldn’t blow away in the wind.

That was enough of an adventure for today, I was ready to go back home.

|||

One thing that I’ve noticed is that my wrists hurt sometimes, like an unbearable burning feeling and others they feel freezing cold and here and there, they’ll just be numb like the rest of me. So much about being dead was so confusing. In lots of ways, living was easier.

I hadn’t run into any other souls, I just couldn’t figure out why I was here still. Was there a mistake?

Could this be hell for me?

I didn’t get it.

He was up late tonight. I think he was at least, it said on the clocks that it was nearly three in the morning. I didn’t know what day it was, what year or even the season. I couldn’t feel temperature to know what time of year it was. I was always cold, so damn cold.

I sit up on the counter, he paces a lot, murmuring stuff to himself. He seems so distressed.

Oh, Patrick… Baby, please just get some rest. Nothing is so important that it should ruin your sleep. I love you and all but you’re such a hassle to watch over.

He seems to notice my voice and he looks around, he shakes his head and the dogs start barking at me. They notice me a lot, it’s nice to be acknowledged even if it is only from animals.

He lets out a gentle sigh and runs his fingers through his hair, I’m not sure if it was at himself or the noise from the dogs.

Hemmy, Rigby, don’t stress him out too much. Get him to bed for me.

I smile as he yawns sleepily, he was precious.

He calls the dogs and starts up the stairs of the house. He’d bought my old home after I died, unable to let go. I wouldn’t be able to either.

I follow them up and watch him do all his nightly things before crawling under the covers. I watch over him for a bit and he looks so at peace. I reach out and concentrate on my fingers as I run them over his smooth cheeks.

Warm, god, he’s so warm. I can’t help but lean into him and my body slides through and to the other side of the bed. It hurts.

He sits up and looks around, shivering. I forgot that it would make him too cold if I did that. He touches his cheek and frowns, falling back to his bed.

He made me wish that I was alive.

Why was I stuck watching this? Why could my death not end the pain? The suffering? I can’t do this.

I needed somebody to come explain this whole death thing to me before I find a way to kill myself twice.

|||

I had blinked and 3 years passed by, literally.

I was just watching him, sat on the floor, passing the ball back and forth between Hemingway and Rigby and now he’s gone and things are moved around. The calendar is the first thing I see, it’s June of 2018, there's a date circled on the calendar.

It was June 27th.

I go to the kitchen table where I spot a half written letter. I read the beginning out of curiosity;

Dearest Pete,

5 years… I don’t know how I’ve made it 5 years without you here. Well, almost. Two weeks from now it will be. I still can’t believe you’re gone. I still think that I’m going to wake up from a nightmare, that you’ll be fine. I’ve been doing good lately. I still have my bad days, my heart is all yours to this day and it always will be…

I’m singing again. I made a new album and I even published a book! I hope you’re proud of me wherever you are. I can’t wait to tell you all about it someday in the afterlife. This may all seem so good, like I’m doing better without you but I would give it all back just to hear you say my name one more time…

There letter cuts off there, some smeared pieces of the paper from tears stand out near the end of what was written. I wished he could give it up for me but I knew it was wrong of me. At the same time I just wanted him to be happy, I wanted him to have this because he seemed better off with what he had now than what he had then.

Rigby and Hemingway run into the room, barking at me. I let out a sigh of my non-existent breath.

Don’t bother Pat over something he can’t even see.

He enters the room and I gasp. He’s so scrawny, I barely recognize him. His lip is pierced along with his nose, ears and eyebrows. His clothes are far too big for his tiny body. He was obviously starving himself.

Patrick… Oh… God, Patrick, what have you done?

I can tell he notices my voice but can’t tell what it is. He huffs and tells the dogs to knock it off because nothing was there.

I was there.

Oh well.

Rigby got his ball and hurries back to me, dropping it at my feet. I roll my eyes, for the smarter of the two, he was pretty dumb.

Patrick coughs and rubs at his eyes sleepily as he makes his way to the kitchen and getting himself coffee. I hop up onto the counter and get a closer look at him. He looks ill.

His head drops to rest against the counter.

“I want him back…” I can hear that he’s crying, “I miss you so much… I can’t do this… Oh god… I need him… It just gets worse the longer he’s gone…” He trembles and I just have to hold him.

I focus as hard as a dead man can and grab onto him as tight as I could. It doesn’t last long but it’s long enough for me to know I helped, even if it’s just a little. I phase through him and fall to the floor. He stands up straight, shivering like crazy but he’s not cold, he looks so warm. He pulls his arms around himself, holding the feeling that I had pushed onto him.

He was so warm.

|||

My feet swished in and out of the cabinets of the counter I was sat atop. Hemmingway was seated below me.

He had been getting better, he as eating, still much too thin but there was at least some meat on his bones. His cheeks didn’t sag over his face awkwardly anymore either. He looked somewhat healthy again.

Either way, he still looked beautiful to me. Sometimes I could swear my heart started beating again from his grin.

Lately I had started vividly remembering death. It was so euphoric. Probably because when I actually died I wasn’t struggling.

I lay back on the countertop and close my eyes. I wanted to know what had happened and I thought that maybe now was the right time to find out.

I sink into the bath. The water is hot, so hot that it burns but it doesn’t matter anyway. The note was written and it was all over. I had taken some pills just to aid in the process of everything shutting down. I sigh and grab the sharpened knife, which happened to be all I had. Patrick had removed all the razors after the first attempt.

I play with it for a bit, thinking more than I wanted to. I thought the pills would fog my mind so this hesitation wouldn’t happen. I was wrong, as always…

I’m worthless and everybody would be better without me. That’s what it all came down to. I was like a brick tied to Patrick’s ankle, dragging him under, drowning him slowly. I couldn’t ruin him like I ruined me and everything else.

I never saw a future for myself, I tried to look forward, I tried to think of my wedding, my future kids, but nothing ever came because it never would. I may as well just kill myself while I’m ahead.

I bring the blade to my wrist and press down. I start to pull it but remove it from my skin as nerves build. What if I got found?

I try again and the same thing happens. I try again and again and again, every time I pull back because I’m weak…

Pathetic.

I switch hands and try the other wrist and the same thing happens all over. The bathwater is tinted pink from the stinging scrapes from the blade. I get frustrated with myself and start to cry. I can’t help myself as I bawl my eyes out.

“Why can’t I do anything right!?” I shout so loud that I swear that everybody in the neighborhood could hear me in the quiet of the evening, “I can’t even kill myself right! God-... Why can’t I just die!?” I hiccup.

The anger towards myself builds and I take the blade and slice open my skin diagonally down my arm, blood pools out and into the water. I switch to do it to the other wrist now as well. The water burns the cut and I wince,  I don’t care anymore.

I slash my other arm multiple times. So much blood comes pouring from me, the bath water turns a dark red too fast.

My head gets fuzzy and I stand, getting out of the bath, only to slip and fall, banging my head on the side of the sink. Blood goes everywhere, I stumble to my feet as I try to contemplate where I wished to die.

I get back into the water and I’m so tired. I slip under the surface of the water. It feels like I’m under there for hours before my lungs burn and I choke, coughing blood all over, my body jerks up and I flop onto my side, my arms going out of the tub, while my face is drooped into the water. Blood pours from my mouth as I cough and sputter, gulping water into my lungs until it goes black and my body falls limp and my head falls back, just out of the water. I sucked in a few breaths and vomited water and blood all over myself, only to choke on it from the position I was in.

Then there's nothing.

I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling for a long, long time as I try to process my death. I feel sick to my stomach even though that was technically impossible. I already was impossible so I didn’t really question it anymore.

He was singing an unfamiliar song. Something new, I suppose. It calmed me down, he always calmed me down when I was this distraught.

I knew I couldn’t keep going like this and I knew that there was only one way to end it now.

|||

I couldn’t keep living as this deadman stuck in purgatory. I just couldn’t watch my world crumble around me any longer. Today I say my goodbyes before I set out to make my way to what I hoped to be The Black Parade.

I play with Hemingway and Rigby as best I can. I throw the ball a few times before I get too drained from the focused energy. I kiss them both on their heads and scratch their bellies as farewells.

Patrick is special. I need to give him a proper final goodbye when he wakes up in the morning. I watch him sleep and manage to write him a little note.

Watching over you has been the best time of my life death. I must move on to The Black Parade.

See you in another life,

Xx Pete.

He’s up later than usual but I don’t mind. He sits up and rubs at his eyes. He pulls his hands away to stretch and yawn, opening those blue eyes of his. I’m sat across from him but, of course, he doesn’t know. I use the last of my strength to cup his face and kiss him.

Goodbye, Baby. Keep smiling.

I whispered into his ear and I know he heard my from the tears that formed in his eyes.

I get to the bathroom that I’d died in, I hadn’t been near it since the day I passed and I knew that Patrick had cleaned it. Though, as I pass through the door it looks as it did that day. It was drenched in blood and red tinted water, I swallow hard even though I have nothing to swallow.

My eyes fall upon myself and I wince, stumbling and falling back, I hit the door but don’t faze through it.

I take cautious steps to my body and shut my eyes, grabbing onto the limp body of myself. As my non-existent hand touches my cold, lifeless arm, my eyes roll back and I feel this rush, a form of high as my head is thrown back.

Cold.

So cold.

|||

I gasp as I sit up, coughing up the water from my lungs, heaving up the pills as the cuts scar over immediately.

My fingers go around my throat as I breathe.

I’m breathing.

And then I burst into tears.

I fumble from the water and drain the tub, rushing to get clothes on. I had to see my Patrick. I had to see my baby.

I’m running and can feel the ground under my feet, the cool air of the summer morning, my lungs burning for air. I have one more chance and I wouldn’t give it up for anything.

I’m pounding on his door at three in the morning. I’m sopping wet, choking to death on the lack of air in my probably damaged lungs and shaking like an elderly man.

“Pete? What happened to you? You’re a mess!” He gasps as the door opens. I throw myself onto him, holding onto him with my all, I expect to fall through him and float to the floor, but I don’t.

“I love you, Patrick… God, I love you, Patrick.” I bawl into him.

He’s confused, I mean, I would be too. I am and all of this happened to me and not him. All that mattered now was that I got to try again for my beautiful Patrick.

“Get in here and dry off, you’re going to get sick you idiot.” Those words make me feel like never before.

I’m truly alive.

He dries me off and calms me down, forcing me to try to sleep, which I don’t mind. I’m still freezing from everything that happened and he was so warm.

“Patrick.” I mumble into his chest where my face was pushed.

“Yes, Pete.” He hums, slightly annoyed that I wasn’t allowing him to sleep.

“I’ll never try to take my life again.” I swear to him. Never would I leave him again.

“What made you think of that?” He shifts to look at me.

“It’s a long story, Pat… A long, very crazy story that you’d never believe. So let’s just say that I know that living is much easier than being dead and lonely.”

“Okay, baby. Get some sleep and I’ll ask more about it another time.” He kisses the top of my head and I nearly cry.

Actually, I do cry.

I cry against him as I smell his scent that I missed more than anything, as I kiss his soft mouth again and caress his smooth skin…

“And, Pete?” I’m almost asleep but hear his smooth voice, “Could you just say my name one more time?”

[coffeesforfuckers]

Cuffed In Handcuffs To My Biggest Secrets // Frerard

Pairing: Frerard Summary: Gerard hates Frank and Frank hates Gerard. They swear at each other, kick, hit, spit at each other, anything that could possibly kill the other while screaming insults at one another. Everybody else is sick of their shit and decide that handcuffs are the only way to solve the problem. Word Count: 3,892

“I hate you so much, Frank Iero. Why the fuck do you even try?” I snap at him without even turning to face him, walking to the changing rooms after a show, “You can’t sing, you can barely play your fucking guitar and on top of that, you’re a reckless moron.” I list off and I can just tell he’s nagging me behind my back.

“You just say this shit because you know you suck and this band will never take off. I don’t even know why I stay at this point, I could do so much better without your dumb ass.” He mutters from behind.

“Yeah right, Frank. How about you go try that out and tell me how it goes?” I sass and he kicks me in the shin. I spin around to face him and he spits up into my eye.

“Maybe I will, dickhead! You’ll fall apart without me here.” His voice is sharp as I wipe his saliva off of my face and quickly grab him by the collar of his shirt.

“Listen you little goblin, I will fucking destroy you.” I hold him up, too close to my face.

“Like you could fight me, I’ll kick your ass, I’m from New Jersey!” He says as if it’s intimidating.

“Like that would ever be-” He spits directly into my mouth. I drop him and spit into the floor in disgust.

“You little shit! What the fuck do you think you’re doing!?” I yell angrily, “Are you fucking challenged?!”

“I’m defending myself you cunt!” He yells back and I swing at him, nailing him in the jaw. He swipes his hand over my face and claws me over the cheek and eye.

I go to grab him again, “Hey! Hey! What are you fucking doing!?” Mikey and Ray rush towards us as Mikey shouts at us.

I catch Frank’s collar and slam him against the wall. Mikey pulls his arms around me and Ray gets Frank, prying us apart as we both desperately attempt to injure each other. I fight against Mikey but he holds me firmly as Frank kicks around in Ray’s arms, looking like the little gremlin he was.

Frank spits at me again and it hits Mikey’s arm, “ Hey !” He practically screams, “ Enough !”

“He started it!” Frank growls.

“No, he fucking spit at me!” I defend.

“Why the fuck are you trying to kill each other anyway?! Jesus christ! Can’t we have one day where you two don’t fucking maul one another!?” Ray snaps.

“Frank’s a fucking idiot! That’s why!” I attempt to break free of Mikey’s restraint again to no avail.

“I didn’t fucking do anything! He just started insulting me for no reason!” Frank struggles, kicking his feet as they couldn’t reach the ground from the way Ray was holding him.

“Can you two please just go get changed so we can go back to the hotel?” Mikey sighs exhaustively. We were constantly at each other's throats and I could tell they were sick of having to pull us apart. I think they should just let us kill one another in all honestly.

“If you let me take one more swing at the gremlin.” I hiss.

“Gerard. Fucking go change. Now .” Mikey demands and starts pulling me to my dressing room, “Ray, take Frank to his dressing room please.” He sighs.

I can hear Frank shouting to be put down and that he could ‘ walk himself’ as Ray carried his tiny ass to his changing area.

|||

“Just let us fight each other. Whoever wins gets to live and stay in the band.” I say as I pull my shirt over my head.

“Gerard, you are not fighting Frank.” Mikey rolls his eyes, “Why do you two hate one another so much anyway?” The question causes me to freeze.

Only Frank and I knew the reasons but even then, there barely was one. We just hated each other really. It was that simple. Him and I were complete opposites, they don’t attract, they repel in our case.

“We just do, Mikey. Opposites don’t always attract.” I grumble, sliding out of my skinny jeans.

He sighs at my immaturity, “Have you ever tried to get along?”

“Once. We’re better as enemies.” I speak and tug on a pair of baggy sweatpants, “Never will I ever be friends with Frank Iero.” I say and lightly kick Mikey’s knee as he was sat on the floor, blocking the exit so I wouldn’t run off and murder Frank.

Smart move.

I let out a huff as he stands up and grasps my arm. Mikey leads me out to the cab that’s waiting for us. Frank’s on the far end and Ray’s in the middle, Mikey hops in and then me. They put a barrier between Frank and I to keep us from ending the lives of one another.

I stare out the window and so does he, completely ignoring me. It’s almost surprising that we haven’t started a screaming match yet. Well, we mostly only did that when Ray and Mikey weren’t around to stop us.

I did feel bad that they always had to stop us from being sent to prison for murder. But I could care less when I was in the middle of one of our infamous arguments.

My eye hurt.

“Mikey, could you get me ice when we get to the hotel, I’m gonna go look at my eye to make sure that I won’t go blind from his attack.” I glare over at Frank who’s already shooting daggers at me.

“Okay, I’ll grab you some ice too, Frank.” He smiles between us as we have a stare down.

“Fine, betray me why don’t you?” I huff and Mikey rolls his eyes at me and my pathetic childishness.

“Gerard, knock it off and you too, Frank.” He mutters to us both and we go back to watching out the windows.

|||

I’m barely awake when we finally get to the hotel. I drag myself up to my room that I’m sharing with everybody. Everybody gets up there quickly, except Mikey of course, who’s finding me ice.

I step into the bathroom to check my wound and it looks awful; my eye is almost swollen shut. I let out a sigh and wash my face with water and then sit down on the floor, leaned against the wall with the hot water running.

I did this a lot. It helps my voice a lot from how much I’ve been straining myself to sing and occasionally get sick from nerves. I was always a very awkward and nervous kid and I get extremely anxious before shows, especially big ones and sometimes end up vomiting from the anxiety.

There's a banging on the door that causes me to jump, “Yo! Hurry the fuck up!” Frank shouts from the other side.

I huff and turn off the water, tossing the door open. I shove him back and he stumbles as I move past him, “Dickhead. I will end you.” Frank grumbles as he slams the bathroom door.

I just end up going to bed.

|||

I sigh as I wobble on my feet, unsure of if I were still going to throw-up again or not. Frank keeps banging on the bathroom door and I’m ready to kill him.

“Can you hurry the fuck up!? Other people have to use that too you know!” He yells, slamming on the door. I’m so fed up with his yelling that I just rinse my mouth and step out, punching him in the chest to move him out of my way.

“Go fuck yourself, Frank.” I snap as I stomp off.

The set goes by so fast, I almost kill Frank probably around three times and he almost cracks my head open with his guitar. Everybody thinks it’s all for the show somehow. Probably because we’re not screaming profanities at each other and actually trying to piss the other off to the point of murder.

As soon as it’s over Frank and I are beating each other as soon as we step off of the stage. Mikey catches me just before I grab Frank by the neck and Ray grabs him.

“You dirty little troll! I’ll fucking slaughter you! I’ll fucking kill your ass!” I shout, fighting as hard as I can against Mikey.

“Try me, Cunt! I dare you to fucking try and fight me you cock sucking whore!” Frank does the same as I.

“Okay! Knock it off!” Mikey shouts over us and we fall silent as always, “Ray, it’s time,” he huffs.

“Brian!” Ray calls our tour manager over.

“Are they at it again.” He groans seeing the scene.

“Grab the things out of my back pocket. Desperate times call for desperate measures.” Mikey speaks sternly.

“Aren’t you afraid they’ll actually kill each other?” Ray raises a concerned voice.

“It’s time for them to settle their differences themselves, Ray.” Mikey shakes his head as Brian grabs my arm and Franks. Suddenly cold metal is strapped around mine and Frank’s arms.

“Handcuffs!?” Both Frank and I yell in unison.

“Good luck, dipfucks. If one of you dies the other has to drag around the other’s body forever.” Brian nods at us as he leaves.

“No! No!” I shout, “Get him off of me!” I yell at Mikey.

“Learn not to kill each other and we’ll let you go.” Ray chimes in.

“We can’t play like this!” Frank snaps.

“Your problem, not ours.” shrugs Ray, and I glare at him.

I am not okay with this.

|||

“I need to shower.” I say, it's only Frank and I in this hotel room.

“Too fucking bad.” He says and I hold back everything in me that's screaming to deck him.

“Can you stop being a cunt. Just stand outside the-”

“No.” He interrupts angrily, “Sponge bath or no bath.” He snaps at me.

“Why the fuck do you hate me so much?” I demand and he just ignores me, typing on his phone. I pull my hand back and it causes him to drop his phone.

“Cunt!” He shouts.

“Go fuck yourself.” I shake my head, “I'm going to bed.”

Frank mutters angrily as we lay uncomfortably close and awkwardly in bed.

I hated my friends so much right now.

|||

Breakfast is the biggest pain in the ass. We're attached with both our dominant hands and let me just say, it's impossible.

Our elbows smack together, our wrists are red, our hands hurt. It's awful. I can't take it.

Sadly, lunch is even worse, having to eat with our heads actually pressed together. We're both absolutely miserable.

By the time we get to the venue we are so ready to murder each other or kill ourselves, we can't tell which would be worse. The place is so big and I'm so anxious. I'm shaking violently and I can tell Frank is getting annoyed by it.

I was also panicked over him finding out about my nervous issue of vomiting before shows. Not even Mikey knew about that somehow. Nobody ever found out.

I bounce my leg and shift around more than normal in my seat. Frank is grinding his teeth with anger at this point.

“Do you have to piss or something?” He snaps and I shake my head, “Then stop bouncing around like an idiot.”

I can't, I want to, but I can't.

“I… Frank I really need to get these cuffs off, like now, please.” I beg.

“You act like I want to deal with this.” He growls at me, he's pissed.

“Frank, you don't understand.” I persist.

He stands and pulls me up, “I knew you needed to piss.” He grumbles and drags me along.

“Not piss.” I say.

“Gerard no.” He glares at me.

“Not that either.” I mumble, now I’m pulling him along, knowing I’m going to vomit. I end up pulling him into the bathroom with me and he seems confused for a second until I drop to the floor.

“Whoa! What do you think you’re doing!?” He shouts and I kick him in the shin.

“Shut up, don’t draw attention.” I mutter angrily.

“Dude, what the fuck? Are you-... Gerard, do you purge?” He whispers, kneeling next to me and holding my hair. It feels so fucked up to have Frank of all people in here with me while I spill the contents of my stomach into an old, pretty gross toilet.

“No.” I cough, “I get sick when I’m too anxious… Which happens almost every show.” I give a weak smile.

“Does anybody know?” He rubs my back after tying my hair up.

“No, I’d rather not worry anybody…” I vomit promptly after I finish speaking and Frank flinches, surprised almost.

“Well, I hate you and even I’m fucking shaking with worry so yeah I can get that.” Frank says and shakes his head.

“Thanks but I’m fine. I just need to stop eating right before shows.” I sigh and sit back, tugging the band out of my hair. My hair flops down around my face and I stand, flushing the toilet with my foot. I wasn’t a fan of public bathrooms. I rinse my mouth out in the sink and Frank doesn’t bother me for once.

It was actually kind of nice not fighting him constantly.

It didn’t last long as his arm got caught in the door and we started yelling over it, threatening to kill each other. Of course, the one time we argue, Mikey shows up and shakes his head at us.

“Good luck playing like that.” He grins, finding our situation amusing.

“I fucking hate you, Mikey!” I shout as he walks off, laughing to himself, “Cunt!”

|||

The shows have been an absolute disaster. He had to play with me hooked to him, singing and moving around was a struggle. He kept fucking around with his guitar and went to toss it around himself and nailed me in the jaw and I bled so bad that they had to bandage it on stage because I refused to leave. That was only the first night. Try over a week of this. I was so banged up and I swear he's reopened that gash in my jaw with his guitar almost every night.

Being back in the hotel room was a blessing. Even though I had to have Frank practically wrapped around me, it was better than trying to beat the shit out of him while he was attached to me.

I somehow manage to get comfortable. Frank was already asleep somehow, my face hurt too bad for me to fall asleep yet. Frank mumbles incoherently in his sleep, it’s surprisingly the least annoying quality about him.

He begins to stir at probably four in the morning, his mumbles getting a bit louder.

“No…” He hums, “No! Go away!” He speaks loudly and he starts to toss and turn anxiously, practically shouting. He’s actually crying, bawling, years running down his face as they slip out of the corners of his firmly shut eyes.

“Frank.” I mumble.

“Stop! Don’t do that! No! I said no!” He starts to get a bit aggressive. I catch his free arm and start to shake him.

“Wake up! Frank, hey… Wake up.” I push him again and again but his yelling continues, “Frank! Wake up!” I shout, startling him awake. He sits upright, still in tears. I can see he’s trembling.

His hands shake as he rubs at his eyes, sniffles and hiccups shaking him. I  turn the lights on and sit up, going to place a hand on his back but I end up yanking at his arm. I frown and rest my hand on his leg.

“Are you okay?” I ask and Frank doesn't look at me, only shaking his head, “How can I help?” I want to make him feel better, I'm the only one who should cause him pain is what I think for my reasoning of feeling bad for him.

“Y-... You can't…” He stammers and I frown a bit more. I decide to pull him into me, which forces him into my lap, “What-... What are you doing!?” He struggles in my arms for a second and I hug my arm around him, resting my head on his chin. He stops moving and his cheeks heat up.

“I'm trying to be comforting. Mikey used to do this to me when I would get night terrors.” I hum and feel him squeeze an arm around me, gripping onto my hand.

“Why are you helping me?” He mumbles.

“You've been helping me and I'm just trying to help you in return.” I explain. He and I may beat the fuck out of each over all the time but I felt pretty bad and this feels pretty good.

“Oh… T-... Thanks…” He says into my chest.

He shakes for a while longer, sniffling and not so much crying as whimpering. I'm exhausted but I stay awake the whole time, singing to him. That's what always calmed me down when I'd be so upset.

“Do you think this would be enough of a reason to get the handcuffs off?” I joke and he starts to shake his head.

“I don't want them to know.” He winced against me.

“Okay. Your secrets safe with me, Frank.” I told him and he pressed himself more into my chest. He fell asleep and I laid down, holding him still.

My heart was beating so hard and I couldn't sleep until probably around six.

|||

I wake up with Frank wrapped tightly around me. I stir slightly and notice that Mikey is stood at the end of the bed, taking pictures.

“Hey!” I snap and startle Frank who jumps and sits up.

“You two friends now?” Giggles Mikey.

“No!” We both shout.

“Yeah, okay. ” Mikey chuckles, “Now get up, we're going out to eat.”

“I'm not hungry.” Frank instantly says, “I forced Gerard to get up with me and we ate last night.” He lies. I give him an odd look.

“You sure? It's like four, we have to go in a bit.” Mikey says and we both nod, “Okay, we’ll be back in a while.” Mikey says as he starts to leave, “Bye losers!”

I roll my eyes and the door closes, “Why’d you do that?” I turn to Frank.

“You won’t get sick before if you don’t eat until after, right?” He smiles at me with red cheeks.

“Yeah, you’re right… Thanks.” I mumble and toss my legs over the side of the bed. Frank crawls over and climbs off the bed.

“Let’s go get ready for the concert.”

|||

I walk ahead of Frank to the dressing room, we had been wearing the same shirts for the past, probably week now and had to keep dousing each other in cologne to help us not smell like complete shit. He starts to wash his face and hair in the sink while I standby, involentarily helping.

I’d caught myself staring at him a few times. It was hard not to when you were literally handcuffed to him, but I mean, excessive staring, “Your hair's so soft.” I say without thinking. It really was surprisingly soft.

“Thanks.” He chuckles bearing his bright white teeth up at me. My heart beats too fast as he squints up at me, water dripping down in his face.

“Uh, yeah, no problem.” I cough.

“Could you please get me a towel?” He laughs and I grab him one, patting the water off of his skin. He takes it from me after a moment of watching me with a dopey grin and starts to dry his hair, my hand banging against his head as he did so.

“Frank…?” I speak.

“Yes?” He coos with his schoolgirl giggle.

“Why do you hate me?” I ask and he’s taken aback by the seriousness of my sudden question.

“Uh…” He mumbles, getting flustered and red faced, shrugging.

“Tell me.” I insist.

“I don’t have a reason…” He says awkwardly. I stay silent for a minute or so, pondering whether or not to keep pushing it.

“Yes you do.” I shove him with my arm.

“No!” His cheeks glow.

“Come on, just tell me, I won’t get mad.” I say and he shakes his head, “Well, I honestly just hate you because you’re definitely better than me.” I admit, also because he’s hot and it’s not fair.

“It’s not that you’d get mad.” He sighs.

“Then what is it?”

He shrugs at me, sighing. He seems extremely upset, trying to avoid me which was almost impossible with the cuffs on our hands. I grab his hand and he almost jumps out of his skin.

“Don’t do that!” He smacks me.

“Just tell me what’s bothering you, Frank. We already know each other’s weirdest secrets.” All except that I’m gay as fuck.

“No we don’t.” He gives me a funny look.

“Close enough.” I bump against him with a smile.

“Uh…” He’s as red as a tomato.

“I told you why I hated you, you have to tell me, it’s a rule.” I speak, “You have to, Frank.” I press and Frank gives in with a sigh.

“I like you.” He says, looking at me.

“I asked why you hate me, Frank.” I look at him like he’s crazy.

“No, I-... I’m in-... I-...” He kisses me.

I’m not sure how to respond. I don’t kiss back out of pure shock, but my heart beats too fast and my face burns. I don’t hate it.

Frank pulls back quickly, “Oh, god… I am so sorry, I couldn’t uh… Think of any other way to convey my feelings, but that didn’t work either because it makes me look stupid and it makes my feelings for you like… Even more of them have flourished and your lips are like… Nice… And I’m just gonna stop talking now because I feel really dumb…” He is so red and flustered. Frank looks really cute when he’s blushing, I realize.

“No, I-... I didn’t hate it.” I say.

“You didn’t kiss back… If you didn’t hate it then you would just… Kiss me back…” He sighs, “Well, secrets out I guess…” He frowns, “Can we pretend this didn’t happen?”

“No.” I shake my head.

“Gerard, can we please just forget about it?” He begs, not looking at me.

“No, we can’t.” I reply and he looks at me in frustration and anger.

“Gerard!” He shoves me, I stumble and fall, grabbing onto Frank as I collapse onto the couch, “Forget about it okay.” He persists.

“No, I can’t.” I reply as I place a hand behind his head, resting it on the back of his neck, I pull him closer to me, kissing him myself this time. It felt good, it felt like the thing I’d been missing forever.

The door opens and we try to jump apart only ending up with me writhing in pain from Frank pulling my arm and popping it from its socket.

“Looks like you two have solved your differences and congratulations, you are free to go!” Mikey laughs.

“Yeah… To the hospital.” I grunt and Frank chuckles at me.

Mikey takes the cuffs off but in reality we we’re around each other more without the cuffs than with once they came off.

[coffeesforfuckers]

The Middle Of Nowhere Is For Broken Hearts And Shattered Souls // Ferard

Pairing: Ferard Summary: Gerard loved Frank with all his heart and he still does to this day. His drinking gets in the way of his happiness, their happiness and he loses the one thing he never could bear to live without.  Years later Gerard calls him from their place in the middle of nowhere, never expecting to hear the voice of his lost love, ever again. Word Count: 7,757

“Hey… Hi… Um… Hi…” I stammer into the phone, “L-Listen, I… I know that… You don’t want me to… You don’t… I’m probably the last person you want to hear from.” I inhale deeply as I look up into the sky, watching the galaxy swirl around me, “I’m out in the middle of… Um… Well, nowhere… I’m thinking about… Everything and well… My mind it kind of... Landed on you…” I chuckle through the tears.

My eyes trace the sky, it reminds me of his eyes. Oh, how I miss those eyes, that smile. Him.

“I just… I really miss you… I know this… Um, this is all, well… This is all my fault… I know it’s been a really… Really long time since, I, uh… Even spoke to you.” I swallow, falling silent for awhile, “I swear I’m not drunk…  I’m in the middle of nowhere and don’t have any way of, uh, getting any… I’m sorry… I just… I wanted to talk to you.” I breathe out shakily, “Are you… Alright? Is… Is your life going well?”

I sniff and rub at my eyes, “I remember laying here, on the roof of this car… That… That was the night I… I told you I was in love with… With you… That was the night you kissed me…” I choke, “Looking up at the sky reminds me of you, holding your hands, cuddling under the… The freezing cold, starry sky…” I start crying harder and stop speaking.

After a very, very long pause I start up again, “I’m sorry… I just… I miss you. It’s so cold without you here…” I start coughing, “I hate myself so much… I hate that I made this happen, that I made you run away… Isn’t it funny how you only realize just how much you love somebody once they’re gone…” I laugh ironically as I swallow and let out a heavy, sharp breath, wheezing with each breath I manage to take between hysterical sobs.

I shift on the hood of the car, my face and neck and chest are soaked from the tears and I’m shaking so hard I can barely hold onto my phone.

I sniffle, “You were my sleeping beauty… Too bad I couldn’t be your true love’s kiss… I don’t even know how to feel human anymore, like… I don’t care who I fuck, who I hold at night… Being alone… I… That means I… I have to feel… I just… no…” I cry, “You're the only person that makes me think before I speak... The only person to make me delete a message in fear of hurting you because you're the only person that I ever cared to… To keep… And you’re gone… Fuck! Just… Fuck, fuck!” I slam my hands on the hood of the car as waterfalls of bitter, angry and sadness filled tears fall freely over me. I burst into a coughing fit, letting out several strangled, pleading words that sounded like noise through the pain.

I hated this so much, it’d been years and yet he never leaves my mind, why can’t I just fucking hold him for one more night? Just one more second with him. Just to fucking see him… To hear his voice...

“I’m so sorry… I just… I’m gonna go… I know you don’t want to hear from me after all this time… Or at all for that matter...” I croak, “I love you so much, Frank Iero...  I’m so sorry for everything… See you in another life.”

I hang up, I feel so empty.

I can remember so vividly the touch of his warm hands, almost as if I were holding them right now. They were always  so soft and they were a bit pudgy which made them so comfortable. He was so smooth and sweet, everything about him was just so good.

I close my eyes and see his staring back, deep into mine. He had a beautiful form of heterochromia, central, but it was better than imaginable. He had three different colors in his eyes, they were a gorgeous reddened, orange-like brown around the iris that branched out and turned into this olive green color that glowed with vibrance and finally, around the outside was a dark mix of green and brown that made the other pieces of his eyes pop and stand out against his toned skin.

His hair was always so silky, it felt so good, I could just feel it around my fingers as I laid here alone. I would twirl it around them while we laid together and watched movies at night, when he’d hold me…

When I would have a breakdown like I was now, he would wrap his arms around my middle, holding me tight as his arms squeeze around the arch in my back and he holds the back of my neck. He would play with the small wisps of hair there while I twisted his hair around my hands.

I hiccup as I suppress my tears. You know that feeling when you’re just sobbing so hard and your heart and chest hurt and you can’t breath or even make any sound except for small involuntary squeaks and whimpers accompanied by that shaky, obnoxiously loud breathing? Mine was so much worse than something that could be described and even imagined.

The memories of him flood back like tidal waves. His pretty laughter and that gorgeous smile of his. The school girl giggle of his that made me feel so bubbly and happy. When he kissed me the first time and when I confessed my love to him. I remember our nights together, when we had sex and when we just stayed home, I remember those dates with him while he smiles at me with those heart-eyes of his, when he held my hand. I can vividly remember him saying he loved me, walking hand in hand with me, everything he did was just so perfect.

The bad times come back with the good times. The time I smashed a glass and accidentally sent Frank to the ER.  The time he gave me a black eye for being a fucking asshole while drunk. The time he broke my hand when we got in a fight. The times I told him to leave and never come back and the one time he really did...

I end up staring at the sky alone for a long time and end up falling asleep on the roof of my car by myself.

|||

“I don't want to see you ever again, Frank! Don't fucking call me, don't fucking talk to me, just leave!” I shout, slurring and almost falling. I throw my glass at his feet and it shatters, cutting into his legs but he doesn’t even flinch.

It gets hazy and I can’t see properly, his voice is muffled.

“No you can’t idiot! You can’t just fucking do whenever you want!” He snaps, “You’re a fucking idiot, Gerard! This is why I don’t love you and I never have!”

“Get out!” I yell, “Get the fuck out and never fucking come back!”  I growl, barely able to hold my own head up.

My head starts to pound and the room is spinning, I can’t hear except a loud ringing, Frank’s yelling and I’m yelling too, I don’t know why, or what for.

|||

“I'm sorry, Frank! I didn't mean-... it…” I sigh as I find myself staring down a dirt path in the early hours of the morning on the roof of my car.

I still get nightmares and it's been years since I've heard his voice or seen his face. I still so vividly remember every detail of him.

I check my phone to see what time it was. Only about seven in the morning. I also have a missed call and a voicemail.

I decide to take a listen.

“Hey, been awhile… That was one long message you left. Is everything okay? You seemed pretty distraught. I'm assuming that you were just drunk, as always. The only reason I even called back this time was because I could hear the pain in your voice. Anyway, yeah… Sorry if this just makes you feel worse… Bye.” I sit in awe, the voice, the tone, the accent, it's all the same. He's the same.

I call back, “Hi… It’s been a long time…” I mumble as I reach the voicemail, “I never thought I’d… I’d hear your voice uh… uh, again… Fuck, I’m sorry, I’m getting emotional again… You just do that to me… I-... Well, I… Just, I miss you so much… All the memories come back to me and I just… I want to redo them all and I’m sorry…” I murmur, licking my lips and calming myself down a bit, “Thanks for the memories, even though they aren’t that great now that they’re over. I should’ve tried a little harder… A lot, sorry… A whole fucking lot. I only saw how much after you were gone…”

I cough, trying to stop the tears, “I just want to relive it all again just… Just one more time.” I cry, “I just, I remember every bit of you so vividly and I… Fuck, I’m so sorry… I’ll go. Thank you so much for letting me hear you one more time… I miss you… Bye…” I hang up.

I just sit there, I can’t tell you why I even stay here. Why don’t I just go home? Why am I even still thinking of Frank even after all this time?

He left three years ago from next month.

July 21st.

I miss him more than words can express, more than feelings can convey and more than memories can comfort. I need one more day to tell him I love him, he just needs to know…

It feels like such a waste, I loved him forever and was with him for longer than anybody only to ruin it because I was fucked up. Because I am fucked up.

I close my eyes and let the memories play…

|||

“What’s that one called?” I point up at a the stars.

“Gee… That’s the big dipper…?” He laughs, “For a brilliant man, you really are pretty dumb aren’t you?” He bumps his arm off of mine jokingly and I stifle a yawn.

“That one?” I point out another.

“That one’s you.” He replies, “Cancer.” He giggles at his own joke.

“Ha ha… Very funny.” I roll my eyes and elbow him in the side. He rubs at the sore spot on his ribs but still laughs.

My head tips to face him, he’s still staring at the sky while I lay there with a racing heart.

“Tired?” He asks and I nod.

“A little.” I coo as the cool night air washes over me and makes me shiver. Frank notices and slides closer to me, wrapping an arm beneath my head and playing with my ridiculously long hair.

“Use me as your bed.” He hums, “I’m not tired, just sleep on me… I’ll keep you warm too.”  He looks at me now and I’m glowing red. I could be used as a light to guide us home.

“O-... Okay… I-... Thanks.” I blush.

“Goodnight, Gee.” He smiles into my hair as my heart beats out of my chest.

“Goodnight, Franky, I love you.” I tell him without even thinking and I instantly jump as the words pass my lips, “That’s not-... I- I… Frank…”

“It’s okay.” He giggles and tilts my head up with his finger. He places a kiss to the side of my mouth, “Love you too, Gee… Now get some sleep.”

|||

“You’re cheating on me!” I yell, for once I’m actually sober, “I can’t believe you!” Furious tears flow down my face.

“I'm not! Why don't you ever listen!?” He shouts back.

“Yes you are! I don't listen because you keep lying to me!  Why can't you tell me the truth!?”

“I am telling the truth! She's a family friend, Gerard!”  He's seething with rage, fists balled at his sides.

“Yeah right! Fuck you Frank! If you don't love me then just fucking tell me!” I fire the glass that is on the table next to me at him and he fumbles with it, trying to catch it before it hit the ground only for it to shatter and jab into his hand. He drops to the floor as blood pours everywhere. My anger dissipates and I drop to my knees next to him.

“Don’t.” He snarls at me.

“I’m so sorry, baby… I love you so much, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I cry as I try to hold him.

“Don’t touch me right now, it hurts so much.” He struggles to breathe properly.

“Let me see it.” He pulls away his other hand from on top of the injured one to reveal just a pool of blood, “Shit, I’m calling an ambulance.” I mutter and pull out my phone, “I’m so sorry.”

|||

My hands are shoved in my pockets on the way home. I fumble around with the box in my fingers. I can’t believe that I chickened out again…

Why do I get so nervous? It’s not like he would say no… We’ve been together for almost eight years. I reach over and lace my fingers with Frank’s and he starts to smile. He was so pretty.

When we finally get home Frank goes to take a shower while I sit downstairs and get wasted, per usual…

Once he’s done he comes back downstairs, he’s singing.

“Gee!” He chimes, “Let’s watch a movie! You make the popcorn and I’ll go find the movies!” He coos and stops dead in his tracks as his smile drops, “Fucking seriously? Tonight was so good and you had to go get fucking drunk? Really Gerard?”

“Fuck off, we can still watch movies.” I slur.

“Not while I’m holding your hair back when you vomit all that shit up again!” He growls at me.

“Shut up, Frank. Jesus, fuck you.” I roll my eyes.

“No! You have a problem!” He insists.

“I do not.” I stand and snap in reply.

“Yes you do, are you blind!” He shouts at me, “You’re ruining us!  You’re never here! It’s always your drunk ass and me holding your hair back! You need to get help!” He yells at me.

“Stop! I can do what I want! If you don’t like it then leave!” I shout.

“I’ve been thinking about it! I can’t live like this Gerard. You hurt me, physically and emotionally, you ruin everything because you’re a fucking drunk!”

“I don't want to see you ever again, Frank! Don't fucking call me, don't fucking talk to me, just leave!” I yell, voice slurred and  stumbling around. I throw my glass at his feet and it shatters, cutting into his legs but he doesn’t even flinch, he usually doesn’t anymore from all the times I’ve done it.

“Gerard you need to stop! Knock this shit off!” Frank shoves me back away from him and I fall on my ass, “You need to fucking quit!”

“No! Fuck you! I can do whatever the fuck I want, Frank! You can’t boss me around!” I growl in anger.

“No you can’t idiot! You can’t just fucking do whenever you want!” He snaps, “You’re a fucking idiot, Gerard! This is why I don’t love you and I never have!”

“Get out!” I yell, “Get the fuck out and never fucking come back!”  I growl, barely able to hold my own head up.

“Fine! I will! I found someone that can love me for real! And guess what?! She's not a fucking drug addicted alcoholic like you!” Frank screams back, “Fuck you, Gerard! Good luck finding anybody that can love you like I tried to!”

The words leave no pain, they don't hurt.

That was until I woke up alone.

“Frank?!” I call out, “Baby?” I stumble to my feet from the floor and step into the kitchen. There's a note on the table.

Dear Gerard,

Have fun living your life in a drunken blur. Don't count on me giving a rat's ass. I'm finally listening to your angry slurred words and leaving and not coming back. I promise not to call and not to visit. I'd appreciate if you'd do the same. I found someone better.

With what used to be love,

Frank.

I cry, so hard I can't breath, so loud that it echoes for years throughout my hollow mind.

I drink myself dry, drink until my heart just about stops.

|||

I sit up and open my eyes after that one, my phone is ringing and I quickly answer it.

“Hello?” I chime into the phone.

“Gee, hi.” Just the way my name is said make my whole body tense.

“Frank…” I hum, unable to say anything of any other words to say.

“So, you’ve been calling…” He mumbles.

“Yeah… I… I really miss you…” I murmur, “How-... Um, how have you been?”

“I’m alright… What about you? You don’t sound very alright…” Frank says, his voice is low, as if he’d just awoken.

“I’m okay… I just… I’ve been thinking too much.” I sigh.

“You’re not okay, I can hear it in your voice, even after all these years you still can’t hide the fact that you suck at hiding that.” He’s rolling his eyes, I can tell, “I-... Do… Do you want me to come over and we can talk about it?”

“Uh-... What?” My heart is pounding.

“I can come see you if-... If you wanna talk?” He says.

“I’m in the middle of nowhere.” I reply.

“Good thing I know where that is.” And the phone call ends.

|||

A car pulls up behind mine close to two hours later. I don't even pay attention to it as I stare up at the cloudless sky. The sun would be setting soon enough and I'd end up staying here again. People will probably get worried by tomorrow but it didn't matter to me.

“Gerard Way…” I hear the heart palpitation inducing voice of my past lover.

I sit up just as he steps up to the front of my car. He really did change a lot but still looked exactly the same. Long hair and a beard, somehow more handsome than ever.

“Frank Iero…” I hum.

“Still exactly the same as I remember.” He speaks.

“I could say the same to you.” I reply.

“So…” He jumps up onto the hood of my old car, “You're sober?”

“Yep… Almost two years clean now.” I half-smile at him.

“Wow. Almost three since… That night…” Frank frowns a bit and I reach for his and out of instinct.

“I was planning on proposing that night you know…?” I look up at him and he give me a heartbroken and shocked look.

“Oh my god… Gerard… I…” He shakes his head, his long black locks sliding over his face like calm waves.

“I started drinking because I felt like a loser for never being able to work up the courage to…” I fall back to lay on the windshield.

“No… Gerard, don't go on… Please don't …” He mumbles, “I made the biggest mistake of my life that night and I'll never forgive myself for it.”

“It's my fault.” I feel his hand on mine as he lays back next to me.

“We were both stupid…” He huffs, “I-... When you called last night I just couldn't answer… I couldn't bring myself to… But something about your voicemail made me have to call back…”

“I feel stupid for calling.” I breathe.

“Don’t… I-... Well, to be honest with you… I… I’m glad you did.” Frank admits, “Hearing your voice… It made me remember that there's somebody still out there that cares more than anything.”

“I always have cared more than anything… You’re the one that never loved what we had, Frank.” I feel an angry flame bubble up inside me suddenly.

“I was stupid… I never should’ve said that. I loved you so much but was so pissed that I wanted what happened to sting while I got to be happy… but I never got to be happy. Not without you.” A sigh passes though his lips, “I know it’s stupid to finally say it now, now that it’s too late that is.”

“It’s never too late.” I murmur to the sky which is turning the same colors as that first night here with Frank, burning a pink and blue against the lightest of blues.

Frank runs his fingers through his long hair and it drapes down over the glass. He squeezes my fingers a bit and they tingle from his soft touch. He coughs, it sound kind of forced, almost to break the calmness between us. There was no tension. I mean, awkward, probably a bit but it wasn’t like that time he came to get his things.

We didn’t even have to say words to each other, I didn’t care about the time that’s passed. I just wanted to feel this one more time and I’ve got it, I’ve got everything I could ever want right now.

“Gerard…”

“Frank?” I answer.

“Why would you let me back? It’s so dumb of you.” He turns to look at me.

“Why would you come back? That’s even dumber.” I glance at him and catch a glimpse of that smile of his, that one that I could never resist.

“Well… Because, I’ve always regretted everything I did and said and I really… I still love you.”

“And as do I, Frank. How could I stop?” I sigh, “I’ve loved you since before I even fucking knew you.” I continue staring at the sky, knowing full well that I couldn’t take looking at Frank. He’s not mine and I can’t have him so I can’t get attached again, I can’t be dependant on looking at his beauty for so long.

I let out a breath that’s shakier than my hands, “Frank, what about that girl?”

“Hmm?”

“The girl you left me for.” I say and he tenses.

“I-... Well, she, um… She left… She was pregnant with somebody else's baby… And I also, didn’t love her.”

“Oh…” I nod, watching as the light starts to fade and it gets very dim. I now have the courage to look at Frank, who just so happens to already be watching me.

“We should like… Hang out, like we used to… Before the dating and drinking and everything.” Frank says awkwardly as he stares into my eyes.

“Uh… Yeah, that sounds nice…” I reply just as poorly.

“But right now, I just want to stay under the stars with you.”

And he does.

All night, we sleep next to each other. And for the first time in years, I actually can sleep.

|||

Frank and I text here and there over the next few weeks, making plans that never pan out. He’s busy with his music and I’m busy with my comics. But today is different.

I send a text.

F, please come over, need help with moving stuff out of boxes. Thanks.

He replies fast, I’m actually surprised, he was never that quick even when we were dating.

K. Be there in twenty.

I’m so grateful for him right now. I had just moved into a new place and had boxes piled everywhere and trying to move everything out myself would be close to impossible.

I decide to work on getting some stuff unpacked while I wait for Frank. I remember he said something about a new song of his coming out today so I pull it up on spotify and play it over the speakers, which happen to be some of the only things I’d unpacked in the past couple weeks.

I listen and am in awe of how much better he’d gotten at music. He was subpar before, good nonetheless, but not great. Now he was amazing, he was always so talented…

I get lost in his music when there's a tap on my door. I shut the speakers off and make my way to let Frank in. He’s dressed in his usual t-shirt and too tight skinny jeans.

Beautiful as always.

“Hey, what do you need help with?” He gives me a sweet little wave and a smile that reaches his eyes.

“I just need to start taking shit out of these boxes and find the rest of my comic stuff. I didn’t label any of the boxes so this will be fun.” I chuckle, stepping aside to let him in.

“Just as dumb as I remember.” He jokes, brushing against me as he steps inside, looking around at everything, “Nice TV dude! It’s so big!” Frank gushes.

“Thanks, I got it for my gaming addiction.” I smile as he runs his eyes over everything, taking it all in.

“Your place is really nice.” He comments as he sits on the couch and kicks his sneakers off.

“Thank you.” I grin.

“Where do we start?” Frank asks me and I point at the piled up boxes.

“Anywhere that’ll get this shit done.” I say and Frank starts to laugh and I feel my heart explode within me at the sound.

“Okay.” He stands and grabs a box, “Better get started.”

Frank

“I need to get food this week. I’ve been living off of shit raman and take-out for two weeks.” Gerard groans as he pulls a statue out of a box.

“You could do that now if you really wanted. I could go get the stuff you need for you if you wanted?” I offer and he shakes his head, his long hair that was very poorly dyed red swung into his face.

“It’s okay.” He smiles at me and my heart skips a beat. I missed him so much.

It had been three years since I’d seen him and yet nothing has changed.

Well, except for the drinking and dating I mean.

“Speaking of food, are you hungry, b-... Frank?” He stumbles over his words.

“Yeah, a bit. I haven’t eaten all day.” I shrug and rub at the back of my neck.

“It’s almost four, Frank! You have to eat! I’ll order chinese.” Gerard scolds, “Same thing as usual… Well, I-... I mean, as you used to get.” He says. I can understand the sudden confusion. I’m freaked out over it all too.

“Yeah, how do you even still remember that?” I ask even though I still remembered his.

“Because you remember all the little things when someone means so much.” He replies as if it’s something that normal people say to other people all the time.

He gets up and goes into the other room and orders, I can hear him speaking and his words are muffled but it brings me back. He always left the room while ordering food, mostly because of his anorexia problem long ago, it was a habit that had formed I assume.

Once he comes back I’m already going through another box. It’s filled with all of his comic stuff so I set it aside, “What’s in that?” He points at it.

“Uh, your comic stuff.” I say.

“Thanks!” He beams, “I’m gonna go out and get our food.” He points at the door.

“Here, take like, fifteen is it usually for mine?” I hand him a twenty but he pushes it back to me.

“You’re helping me unpack, I’m getting you food.” He insists, “Do you wanna come or you can just chill here while I’m gone?”

“I can stay here.” I smile up at him and he gives me one back.

“Alright, I should be back in around an hour.”

“Have fun!” I wave as he makes his way to the door, laughing that beautiful laugh that was all his own. I’ve never heard anything like it.

As soon as he gets outside I continue snooping through his stuff. I  can’t help but look through the only labeled box in the pile. It says ‘Important + Top Secret stuff’  with ‘fuck off’ scribbled smaller next to it.

I pry it open, gently, and it’s completely filled with comics, old ones and some choppy ideas. I couldn’t stop myself from flipping through them, all of them. There aren’t a whole lot of them but what’s there is so good. The art is fantastic and the writing is phenomenal.

I find a scrapbook on there as well, after pulling it out I find more stacks of comics underneath. I would check them out later, first I wanted to look in this book that was overflowing with pictures and some note pages with ideas on them.

I open to the first page and it has ‘The only memories I care to save’ scrawled messily over the page. I chuckle, same old Gerard. As I open it, the first picture I see is of him and I. And so are the second, third and fourth. There are so many of me, of him and I… There are some of him and Mikey and of some random other stuff of course, some My Chemical Romance pictures, which is predictable. But most of them are the memories of us. I study each one and let them memories come back to me.

The lake, the middle of nowhere nights, the adventures and the trips. Everything was in here. This book was like the most wonderful time machines I’d ever witnessed, the one that could bring me back to the good times, the good old days.

I smile at each of them.

The picture that stands out to me is of that last night. Gerard is holding my hand across the table, both of us leaned in for a kiss. Some random fan offered to take it for us. In the picture, it’s angled just right and you can see the ring in Gerard’s fingers, he’s holding onto it. That was when he was probably going to do it but got too scared.

The thought makes me sad and I close the book, placing it to the side and starting to look through the comics again. They make me feel better until I reach the bottom of the box. There's a satin covered, gold trimmed, ring box in the corner. I pick it up and open it. I run my fingers under my eyes as I notice a drop of water hit the velvet inside, soaking into the cloth. I’m crying.

It was such a beautiful ring. It was engraved, saying ‘You’re really mine’.  I touch my hand to my mouth as I read it. It hurts to see. Just by looking at it I can tell it cost everything he had and just by those words inside I can tell I meant so much more to him than he did to me.

It hurts so much to realize how much I crushed him.

I put everything away and wait for Gerard to get back so I can force a smile over my brokenhearted soul.

|||

Him coming back doesn’t do much but upset me more. He’s sitting there with a huge smile on his face. How bad did I hurt him that he was this happy just to have me in the same room as him?

“Frank?” He catched my attention and I look up from the thing I’ve been staring at in my hands for the past fifteen minutes, “You okay? You’ve been pretty bummed since I got back.”

“I’m fine, yeah.” I nod, lying through my teeth.

“No your not.” He gets up from where he’s sitting on the floor and comes to sit next to me, pushing the box I was sorting through to the side, “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I-... Well… Please don’t get mad okay?” I frown.

“What happened?” He’s more concerned than anything.

“I stumbled upon your important box and I found that picture album… And the ring…” I sigh, “And now I feel like the biggest fucking asshole on the planet.”

Gerard sighs and rests his head on my shoulder, “You can have it.”

“I- What?” I squint at him.

“You can have it.” He repeats, “You can have the ring. It means a lot to me but it’s technically yours and it would probably be better off with you anyway.” Gerard shakes his head, his hair tickling my skin.

“I couldn’t take it from you.” I mumble, “Save it for when you find someone special.”

“You’re the only special someone I’ve ever had or ever will have, Frank.” He pushes.

“Just keep it incase.” I insist.

“I’ll keep it for the day that I actually grow some and propose to you.” He smiles at the thought, “Even though that just leaves it with me forever…” He speaks so soft that I assume it was meant more for him so I just pretend not to hear it.

Gerard

“To thank you for coming over everyday for the past week and a half, I'm bringing you out for coffee.” I smile at him and he shakes his head.

“You really don't have to, Gee. I liked helping and spending time with you again.” He speaks.

“And I like spending spending time with you too so please just come so I can have an excuse to spend one more day with you.” I blush.

“Oh.” Frank gets flustered by my words and looks down at his hands in his lap, “Okay, I would like that.” He admits.

“Then hurry up and let's go.” I joke and he stands, sliding his sneakers back on. Even after all this time he still never tied his shoes. I used to do it for him before shows so he wouldn't die.

He bumps into my shoulder as he walks past, “Hurry up.” He mocks with a big smile on his face. I get even redder and turn away with a grin on my face, “Let’s go, Gee!” Frank calls as he steps out the front door. I snap back to reality and grab my keys, hurrying out after my former lover and locking the door on the way.

|||

“I want some!” Frank whines like a child, pointing at the donut I had.

“Why didn’t you get one then!?” I laugh at his whining and he rolls his eyes. He did this all the time, he was pretty much the annoying girlfriend type that would insist they didn’t want anything and then eat most of what you got.

“Because, fuck you that’s why.” He grabs the donut and breaks off a piece, placing it in his mouth.

“This is why we can’t have nice things.” I titter as I take a bite of it myself, biting my lip, hard enough to draw blood, “Fuck!” I groan as I place my hand to my mouth.

“What happened?” Frank cocks his head to the side.

“Bit my lip.” I hum back in pain.

“Let me see.” He says to me and I listen, pulling my hand away. He leans a bit closer to me, observing the cut.

“Kiss it better.” I joke with him out of habit. He leans in and presses his extremely soft mouth to mine for only a moment.

“That help?” He asks. It did, honestly it did. It made my mouth tingle and my hands shake, adrenaline running through me.

“Yeah.” I manage to sound casual, “Thanks.” My voice breaks slightly.

“No problem.” He blushes with a huge smile.

I hand him the rest of my donut and he thanks me softly. We continue with small conversation for a while, filling each other in on the past few years, whatever was missed over the time without each other, which seemed to not be much.

It felt like a sick dream.

But the best dream I’ve had in a long time.

|||

“Gee, fake propose to me. It’ll get us free food.”

That’s the sentence that landed us in this situation. I’m sitting in a fancy as fuck resturant, Frank in front of me in a just as fancy suit with his hair tucked back behind his ears. He looked somehow better than the night I was going to propose for real.

“This was your idea, why can’t you propose, Frank.” I mumble to him.

“Shut up and give me your hand. Can you at least try to make this look real?” He rolls his eyes. We’d done this quite a few times. Mostly when we were just starting out as a band and could barely afford a meal. Usually it was Frank proposing or someone else proposing to us. I’d fake proposed to Mikey hundreds of times, thankfully we didn’t look too similar to raise suspicion.

I grab his hands, mine are clammy and gross but Frank didn’t seem to mind. He never did.

Our meals arrived and I was too nervous to eat. I was reliving the worst night of my life. If I just stayed away from alcohol maybe it wouldn’t end so poorly. That’s what I hoped for at least.

Frank eats without a problem, without hesitation. I poke at my meal until I just can’t anymore. Frank noticed my lack of appetite and pointed at my dinner plate with his fork, “Eat.” He says with food in his mouth.

“I’m not that hungry.” I shake my head.

“Gerard, eat. You used to do this when you were starving yourself. I know you well enough by now. Eat.” He pushes.

“I’m fine now, Frank. I’m really not hungry. I had food just before you came up with this spur of the moment idea.” I insist. I would eat later, I just couldn’t stomach food right now.

“I want to see you eat before I go home.” He nods and I smile at him.

“Okay. I’m just not hungry right now.” I repeat.

“That’s fine.” Frank coos.

He eats, we talk and act like we're in love.

Well, he acts, I do.

He finishes his food and I know that now I have to propose. Fake or not, I’m just as nervous as every other time I was going to do it, “Frank.” I say and he looks up at me, his beautiful eyes glowing in the dim lighting.

“Yes, Baby.” He purrs and I feel myself grow warm, my cheeks heating up.

“Um…” I start to fumble with the ring. It was the one I was going to use that last night, “So, I-... Well, I um… I really love you… You know that right?” He nods, looking at me with a huge grin plastered to his face. A real one, as if this were all real, “And, well… You’re my-... My everything, Frank. I love you with all my heart and soul and I never will stop loving you… Even after everything we’ve been through… I just… I can’t stop loving you. You are my favorite everything, the perfect melody to the most beautiful song. Your eyes make the stars seem dull and the world look grey as they stole all the colors and light from it all. Your laugh is a lyric so perfect it makes every other lyric look bad and that smile of yours… That’s something else… You steal my breath with a single glance as I fall in love over and over again with you. You never leave my mind and I just… I love you more than words could ever describe, more than any emotion or feeling could ever convey.” I pause and look up at Frank from where I had been staring down at my hands, he’s in tears. He was always good at acting, at playing pretend, “So, Will… Um… Will you marry me?” I hold out the ring to him and his jaw drops, the tears falling harder from his eyes as he nods.

“Yeah, of course I will…” His voice is hoarse and distraught. I go to place the ring on his finger, “I can’t take that.” He mumbles to me as I lean in to kiss him for dramatic effect.

“Please, just for the act.” I pleaded and he relents, letting me place the ring on his hand. He kisses me with a forceful push, so much emotion rushing through his mouth to me.

People are cheering around us and somebody who works here brings out a cake. I sit back in my seat with my fingers pressed to my lips. The rush that his mouth caused was special and so much more powerful than anything. People came and congratulated us. I couldn’t speak, afraid to lose this feeling.

We leave and Frank is still smudging tears around his face as he climbs into the car. I get in and start it, “Frank, are you okay?” I reach over and touch his knee. After almost a year of reconnecting with him it still felt so weird to touch him.

“Yeah… Fine.” He gives me a dim smile, “All that stuff you said just got to me.” He mumbles, rubbing vigorously at his eyes to stop the tears. He suddenly jerks his hands away from his face and pulls the perfectly sized ring from his hand, “I don’t want to forget about this.” He sniffles.

“No. Frank, please just keep it. I have nothing to do with it. I can’t wear it myself, it makes me too upset. Please just keep it.” I beg, “I had it made for you, Frank. Not for me.” I sigh.

“You had this… Made… For-... For me?” His voice trembles as more tears fall. I nod.

“Yeah, you’re special, one of a kind, so I had to get you something that was just as special as you.” I admit and shrug as though it doesn’t hurt.

“I-... Thank you, Gerard… So much.” He speaks and turns to look out the window, still crying as he now plays with the ring on his hand.

I wanted to just say that what I told him today was exactly what I planned to say that night that it ended.

But I didn’t

He’d gone through enough tonight as it was.

Maybe someday I’d tell him.

|||

The middle of nowhere, where it all started, where it nearly ended (for me at least) and where I lay again. This time Frank’s here, this time I’m not downing pills, this time I’m not drunk, this time I’m not trying to find a way to stop the suffering.

This time I’m just laying under the stars with the person that holds my hand, the person that holds my heart and my soul, the person I love.

His thumb runs over the back of my hand, a single rough patch on his smooth skin from his guitar strings wearing away at his hands after all these years. We’re watching the stars and he’s showing me the constellations like he used to. It was too dark for me to see his pretty eyes or that charming smile, but I could feel his hand tense when he’d laugh or giggle, the way he would relax when I’d speak.

I can feel the ring I’d given him months ago still firmly on his finger. Our hands were warm, not uncomfortable and sweaty, warm but comfortable, warm. The breeze ran over us and Frank shivered a bit. I hand him my jacket and he wraps it around himself, it’s massive on him even though I’m not that big myself. Frank was so small, not even five feet. I loved that, wrapping my arms around him and resting my chin on his head. I’d have to tilt my head up slightly to do it but either way, it was my favorite.

“Hey, Gee.” He squeezes my hand.

“Yeah, Frankie?” I breathe in contentment.

“I-... Well, never mind.” He mumbles and tries to pull his hand back from mine. I wrap an arm around him in a sudden burst of courage and pull him against me, “What are you doing?” He seems flustered as he attempts to get out of my grasp.

“You looked cold.” I coo and he calms down, “Now, what is it you wanted to say.” He shakes his head against me, “Spill.” I poke is side and he jumps.

“Uh… Well, that night when you fake proposed… I cried really hard because everything you said was… Was so… Genuine… And like, I really… I wanted it to be real so bad…” He starts to cry, not just soft falling tears but sobbing, heavy hot breaths of air spilling over my skin, “Gerard, I wanted all of that stuff to be real! I-... It just… You sounded like you meant it and it felt… So… Real…” He hiccups and presses his face into my shoulder, “I’m sorry… I… I’m still in love with you… I’m sorry…” He bawls, I start to pet his hair to calm him down.

“Shh, Frankie, it’s okay… Shh.” I coo, “Please don’t cry, hey… Hey, I have to tell you something, Frankie…” I try to get his attention. He tries to calm down so I just start, “I-... Frank I really did mean all of that, I… Um… Well, I was going to tell you, basically all of that the night I lost you…” I confess.

Frank peers up at me, still crying and visibly upset, “R-... Really?” He stammers hopefully.

“Yes, of course, Frank… I never stopped loving you… it's always been you.” I say to him with as much emotion as my body could convey. I squeeze him closer to me and tip his face up to look at me with my finger, “I'm still in love with you, I always will be.” I press my lips to his, my body tingling with a sudden burst of energy, my lips moving against his perfectly. Our mouths fit together like missing puzzle pieces. We fit together like that, perfect.

He puts his arms around me and smiles, pulling away. I let out a shaky breath, “I missed this…” He hums.

“I missed you.” I tell him and he laces our fingers, “Can we start over?”

“Only if I can do this whenever I want.” He kisses me.

“Gladly.” I say, “You have to promise not to leave.”

“Deal.” He grins and bumps his forehead to mine.

“You’re really mine.”

“Finally yours.”

The middle of nowhere is for the broken hearted and shattered souls to fall in love again and again.

The middle of nowhere is for the loved.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

[coffeesforfuckers]

And Thanks For The Black Eye // Brallon

Pairing: Brallon Summary: Brendon Urie is an idiot. He also goes by things that friends of friends of friends and so on and so on, say. Which is why he has to write a letter to Dallon Weekes. P.S. Thanks for the black eye, it suits me well. Word Count: 4,177

Disclaimer! I got this idea from here.

Dallon Weekes,

I just wanted to apologize for the kiss that I stole from your mouth on the first day of summer, June 20th to be exact. You can keep the jacket, I just request that my heart is given back to me.

Deepest Love,

Xx ~ Bren.

P.S. - Thanks for the black eye, it suits me well.

My handwriting was awful but it was all I could do, having scribbled it down on an old sketch paper with old doodles all over it. It was a spur of the moment idea as I was wandering about on my day off of work and I just so happened to pass by Dallon’s work. I could see him through the window, easily spottable, the giraffe he was.

I sat outside the shop and wrote out the note on the paper that I found in my bag from a couple months ago. Once finished, I enter the little cafe and step up to the counter, Dallon had disappeared but I didn't mind.

“One coconut cream ice coffee, four and four, please.” I smile at the girl taking my order. She nods and grabs a cup, scribbling the notes down on it and somebody else takes the cup and runs off to make it.

“That'll be three seventy-four.” She looks up at me with big, bright green eyes and I pull out a five, telling her to keep the change just as the other girl comes back with my coffee.

“Thank you, and uh, could you give this to Dallon for me please?” I hand the folded and lightly wrinkled paper to the girl who made my coffee.

“Sure! Do you want me to get him for you?”

“No, thank you. Just give him the letter, he'll know who it's from.” I say and she nods, scurrying off to find him as I leave.

I continue to walk about aimlessly. Ending up in the place I’d kissed Dallon less than a day ago…

|||

“Why are you bringing me out here? I thought we were just going to get McDonalds?” Dallon asked me as I made my way to the swings in the park. They were abandoned at this hour, the sun was just rising and it was only about one in the morning. I sit on the plastic strap and the old metal creaks under my weight.

“We will, I just want to watch the sun rise over the lake.” I reply and Dallon joins me, sitting on the swing next to mine. I rock myself on it just slightly.

The park was always a favorite place of mine, even now that I was seventeen years old. It overlooked the lake and was surrounded by beautiful, natural flowers, bushes and trees. Everything was in full bloom and it was gorgeous, it all sparkled from the dew that resided on everything as the orange glowing rays of light spilled over it all from between the trees.

Dallon shifts around on the old uncomfortable plastic and almost falls onto the wood chips on the ground below, catching himself at the last second. I notice and watch him, he pants for a second from the slight heart attack he gave himself. I giggle softly at his clumsiness.

He glances over at me and turns red with embarrassment, “Tell me you didn't see that.” He chuckles.

“Oh, I did. Moron.” I shake my head with a grin on my lips. He starts to laugh a bit, staring at me and I stare back. I notice his soft shivering and the goosebumps all along his soft looking skin, and I give him my jacket.

His blue eyes were being hit with the orange light and the lighter flakes of blue were tinted gold and made his eyes glow, popping against his lightly tanned skin and dark hair. His mouth was a deep pink that matched the pink in his cheeks. He was so pretty.

I had planned it and cancelled it on myself hundreds of thousands of times but I now realize you can't plan things like this, they just happen.

I kiss Dallon Weekes on the swing set at sunrise on the first day of summer. His mouth was warm and his lips were plump, smooth, they tasted like energy drink and artificial strawberry.

He pulls back and takes me by surprise. Not with a smile, not with a love confession and certainly not with another kiss but a fist to the face.

The rumor that my best friend heard from a friend that heard from a friend (and so on) that Dallon Weekes liked boys was incorrect. The information must've been lost in translation.

Dallon got up and left me on the swing set to watch the sunrise all alone.

|||

I sip at my coffee on the swings, it’s not nearly as beautiful as it had been this morning. The water was a bit choppy in the lake, people must be boating. I wish I were out on a boat, if I had one that is. Dallon had one and he would bring me out on it a lot, that probably wouldn’t be happening much anymore. I pull out my phone and notice a new snapchat message, I open it.

It’s just Sarah making a weird face. I send one back, just as weird and admire my black eye for a bit. I draw a little heart around it on the app, smiling. It was like a little trophy to my achievement towards kissing Dallon. I save the picture as a memory.

She sends one back pretty fast, it’s of her making a shocked, over exaggerated face with a caption that read, ‘Holy shit dude! I’m omw to the park so you can explain!’ I chuckle.

I think of telling her not to come but I really don’t feel like typing out the long answer.

It doesn’t take her long to show up, “Hey, dickstain!” She shouts as she jogs over, sitting where Dallon had hours before.

“Hey, asshole.” I give her a nudge.

“Dude your eye looks so much worse in person. Doesn’t that hurt?” She reaches over and touches the side of my face.

“Well, yeah, of course it does, genius.” I roll my eyes and she slaps me.

“No need for the asshole-ish comment.” She scolds, “How did this even happen?” Sarah promptly asks.

“Let’s just say that friend of a friend of a whatever-the-hell, was totally wrong about Dallon Weekes liking boys.” I rub at my face.

“Wait, you told him!?” Her eyes almost pop off her face.

“No, I kissed him… And he punched me.” I give her a smile, “I still got to kiss him though and that’s all that matters.”

“Jeez, you’re giddy for someone who just got their heart stomped on.” She rolls her eyes, “How are you always so damn happy?”

I shrug, “It was just so nice, it’s what… Well, almost what I’ve always imagined.” I grin.

“Tell me about it.” She says with her full attention on me.

“Well, it was one in the morning and him and I were gonna get some food and I wanted to watch the sunrise over the lake so we sat over here…” I smile as the scene replays in my head, “Dallon almost fell off the seat and we laughed together over it… He looked so pretty in that light, the way it tinted his hair, making it look so much lighter and made his skin look so much tanner than normal… And his cheeks were all red, and his lips matched perfectly, his eyes popped against the deep glow of his skin and hair, little golden flakes glowed through the blue… He was so beautiful, a work of art… Dallon Weekes was my favorite song brought to life, the human equivalent of the most perfect melody.” I hum with my eyes closed, “And then I kissed him, and then he hit me and ran away with my jacket and my heart.”

“Wow…” Sarah mumbles, “You really do love him, huh?” I nod for a bit, thinking about the feeling it gave me to kiss him.

“I wrote him a note and left it at his work.” I tell her.

“What’d it say?” She questions and I pull up the picture I took of it on my phone, handing her it and she proceeds to read it aloud, mumbling, mostly to herself but I still hold onto each word of my own.

“I gave it to a co-worker of his, he took his break while I was outside the shop writing that.” I inform Sarah and she bobs her head in reply, her brown hair swishing over her face as she did that, some stray bits falling in her face.

“It’s a sweet note. I hope that there won’t be any hard feelings between you both.” She frowns as she turns to look at me.

“Me too… I god, I hope.”

|||

I stop by the cafe every morning, either on my way to work or while I’m just going on a walk. I seem to just miss Dallon each time, our schedules just moments apart from colliding. Isn’t it how sad life can be sometimes?

I get to the record store that I worked at about ten minutes late, my boss is reorganizing some stuff on a shelf. He turns as he heard the chime of the bell tied to the door, sighing as he sees me, “Late… Again. ” He shakes his head.

“Sorry, Joe. Line at the cafe was wicked long. Brought you a coffee though.” I say as I place both of ours on the counter.

“That makes up for it.” He chuckles, “Some guy came in here about ten minutes ago, when you were supposed to be here. He left a jacket for you.”

My stomach drops and my heart sinks when I see my Queen varsity jacket. I just missed Dallon, “ Shit… ” I breathe to myself, “Thanks, Joe.

“No problem my dude.” He replies as he drops all the Pop Vinyl boxes in his arms, they all hit the floor and tumble everywhere, “Goddamn it!”

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll clean it up for you, go get me the new shipment of stuff and start stocking until I finish.”

Joe heads off to the back and I sit on the floor, picking up each box and setting them into a pile on the floor, a neat one so Joe would hopefully just let me leave them there.

The door chimes open and I glance over, only able to see the legs of the person from the tall display case. I just ignore it and continue stacking boxes. The person crosses the room and leaves only a moment later. I could care less, right now I just wanted to get my shift over with.

Joe comes back out, “Who was that?” He asks.

“Don’t know, they came in, walked across the room and left.” I shrug.

“You didn’t greet them?”

“Nope.” I say blankly and Joe lets out a huff.

“You’re an idiot.” He mutters as he places a pile of boxes on the floor. He starts to walk off to go get a few more from the back and stops, “Hey, Brendon, there’s a paper with your name on it over here.” I jump to my feet and run over to him.

My name is scrawled across the paper in somewhat neat handwriting.

Dallon.

“Fuck!” I shout, slamming my palm to my forehead, “Dumbass!”

“What?” Joe says, startled by my outburst.

“Dallon came back and I didn’t even see him! God-fuck!” I yell and Joe looks at me weird.

“What the hell is with you? You’re acting like a fucking loony-bin.” Joe questions, eyeing me over.

“Joe! I kissed that guy! That’s why I have the black eye! He fucking punched me in the face and I- Agh!” I groan again, hitting my forehead a second time.

“Calm down. Just call him or something dude.”

“I don’t have the courage for that!”

“Read the letter, I’m going to get more boxes.” He rolls his eyes and heads off to the back room.

I open the paper and sigh.

Brendon Urie,

Thanks for the jacket, sorry it took so long to get back to you… I’ve been busy.

Thanks again,

~Dal

I drop the paper back to the counter and lean over, resting my head on my arm. I hate everything now.

|||

I enter the cafe, note in hand, at nine-thirty sharp. No Dallon, as always. I order my usual that the girls usually have ready as soon as I walk in.

“Thanks.” I hand Janelle a ten as usual and tell her to keep the change as now I had started getting Joe coffees too, “Could you give this to Dallon, please?” I hand her the note I’d written.

“Of course, Brendon!” She smiles at me and I give her one back.

The words I’d written on the paper reply in my head a hundred times. The picture of it still burned into my mind.

Dallon Weekes,

Thanks for getting that back to me… All that’s missing is my heart… Sorry I missed you yesterday.

Hope our paths cross again soon…

Xx,

~ Bren

I leave with my coffee and make my way to work, showing up just five minutes late, Joe was at the counter and I hand him a coffee.

“Thanks.” He takes a sip and leans back in the old wooden chair. It creaks as he does so and he gets a bit tense for a second.

“No problem.” I nod and clock in and sit down on the floor against the counter, picking at the chipped paint on my nails that my niece insisted on doing.

“How’s Andy? I haven’t seen him in a while.” I glance up at Joe who beams at the name.

“He’s great.” It was so obvious that Joe was crushing pretty hard on him.

“Why don’t you ask him out after work sometime?” I chuckle at the huge grin on his face. That’s how I felt with Dallon.

“No way! What if he says no!?” Joe almost chokes on his coffee.

“He won’t, trust me.” I’ve talked to Andy a lot. He seemed to have just as much of a thing for Joe as Joe did for him.

“How do you know?” Joe presses, “You got punched in the face by that guy you like!”

“‘Cause I can tell that Andy likes you. I just hoped that Dallon liked me too… He didn’t.” I chuckle, rubbing at the back of my neck.

“Fine, I’ll ask tonight I guess…” He sighs.

“Tell me how it goes.”

“Will do.”

|||

I hurry to the coffee shop in the morning, I woke up so late. I had negative twenty-five minutes to get to work. Dallon’s not there as usual I also make sure to get Joe a donut for how late I’m going to end up being.

I was an absolute mess, my alarm clock never went off and I was struggling after being up way too late to watch the sunrise at the park.

I only had a twenty on me when I bought everything so I ended up leaving a probably close to fifteen dollar tip as I dashed out without even thinking of it. I made it to work almost forty minutes late.

“Joe! I am so sorry! Holy shit! My alarm never went off! I am so sorry!” I shout as I dash in and he’s sitting at the counter with Andy on the opposite side.

“Hey, it’s fine with me. You missed that guy by like, two minutes though.” Joe glances over at me.

“He left you this.” Andy holds out the paper as I stumble over to him quickly, panting heavily as I drop the bag of donuts and the coffees on the counter. I snatch the paper from the ginger man and open it.

Brendon Urie,

Looks like we’ve missed each other again. Usually you’re working now but I guess Andy’s working today instead, huh? Oh well… Sorry for missing you.

See you whenever…

~ Dal

Oh, and P.S… You said I could only keep the jacket if I gave you your heart back.

I let out a scream as I read the last sentence, slamming a hand over my mouth to cover my huge smile, Joe almost falls out if his chair I scare him so badly.

“What!? Can you not just scream without warning? Fuck.” He pants.

I throw the note at him, “Read the P.S.” I squeal and he does, handing it to Andy who smiles.

“Good for you dude.” Andy smiles.

“That was cheesy as fuck.” Joe replies.

“Like what you did was any less cheesy than that.” Andy rolls his eyes and Joe turns bright red, “He actually arranged the album's to spell out ‘ Andy let's go out.’ ” He giggles and Joe smacks his arm, “I said yes, of course.” He smiles and so does Joe.

“Cute.” I tell them.

I couldn't wait to get off my shift.

|||

The next morning I'm at the cafe with my note. I didn't have work for the next four days which sucked but it was whatever.

I hand the note and a five to the Jenelle after she gives me the coffee, “Let me guess, it's for Dallon.” She jokes and I nod.

“Thanks, Jen.” I grin, “I'll probably be in more often after tomorrow.” I inform and she smirks knowingly.

“Good. Have a great day, Bren.” She waves as I leave and I wave back.

I’m smiling too much as I read to myself the note again and again in my head.

Dearest Dallon Weekes,

If you’d like to keep my heart (And possibly my jacket) please meet me at the park at one in the morning today (Technically tomorrow). Don’t miss me this time.

See you soon and with my deepest love,

Xx ~ Bren

P.S. Please try not to punch me again even though I slayed with that black eye.

I walk down to the record store, hoping to possibly run into Dallon but I sadly don’t. Joe and Andy jump apart as I enter the shop, assuming I was a customer.

“Ew, get a room.” I groan.

“Why are you even here? You have like a decade off. I don’t need you here to bother me for any longer than you already have this week.”

“I was just stopping in to see if Dallon dropped anything off.” I chuckle.

“Yes, now go home.” He thrusts the note at me as Andy giggles, cheeks bright red.

“Thanks man, see you whenever.”

“Bye.” He grumbles as he goes back to doing some gay shit with Andy. I laugh as I leave and open the note.

Brendon Urie,

I have the next couple weeks off, after today that is (July 15th). Hopefully I’ll be able to catch you at work, Joe said that you were off for the next few days… Pretty sad that I can’t see you for a bit but I’ll come in on Friday I guess.

Talk soon (hopefully)

~ Dal.

I smile. Thank god I thought about bringing that note today. I had no idea what to do until one in the morning, so I went home and took a nap until three in the afternoon.

I ate, not much as I was too anxious and I paced a lot, sang some shit and played on my phone but either way, time passes slower than porn with plot.

By ten that evening I had nothing to do.

“Brendon, what are you doing?” My mother asks as she enters my room where I’m pacing and singing a bit too loud for the time it was.

“Passing time.” I mutter and fall onto my bed.

“Until…?”

“One. I’m going to meet Dallon for McDonalds at one.” I grumble. I’m so bored I couldn’t take it.

“Okay then… Why don’t you watch tv or something?” She suggests.

“Eh.”

“I’m just trying to help. Please keep it down before the neighbors call the cops.” She teases and I grunt in reply. My door closes and I let out a huff, sliding off my bed and to the floor.

I turn my tv on and play a video game for about an hour or so before losing interest and start pacing around again.

I try to read, that fails, I try to write, that fails, I try to sing, that fails.

I was ready to flip out. It was only eleven-thirty. I sit at my keyboard and start just playing whatever and trying to make a melody. I try to turn Dallon Weekes into an actual melody in my head. I bang on the keys for a long time, losing track and only stopping when my alarm went off.

It was finally twelve-thirty.

I grab my Queen jacket and dash out of my room, down the stairs and out the front door. I run all the way there, barely able to breathe when I finally get there, forty-five minutes later.

“You really are always late, huh?” I hear Dallon’s voice chime from the swings. I look up and a smile spreads across my face. He’s on the same swing as he was almost a month ago. I make my way over to the swings slowly, my heart racing as the nerves suddenly hit me now that I was here.

“That’s what I’m known for.” I smile as I drop to sit on the old swing, it squeaks under the weight of me.

“I can tell.” It’s silent for a while as we both watch the sun beginning to rise. It’s so calm and comfortable that it’s almost awkward.

“... So…” I start and Dallon glances over at me.

“So…” He mumbles.

“Why’d you hit me?” I ask suddenly and he’s taken aback by how straightforward I was.

“Uh… Well… It’s just reflex.” He stares at his hand, flexing his fingers and balling them again a few times, “Um, You know I still feel really bad about that… I’m sorry.”

I nod and watch him, “It’s fine.”

“You did look really good with it though.” He chuckles, “I’d be better if I weren’t the cause.”

I smirk, “Why was it a reflex?” I finally ask.

“Uh, well, I’m not good with feelings and I mean, I’ve gotten better with most things, I used to be really violent when people showed me affection. I never got better with stuff like that…” He shrugs.

“So if I kissed you again, right now, would you hit me again?” I ask him and he finally turns to look at me.

“Possibly.”

“I'll take that chance.” I hum as I lean in and press a kiss to his soft mouth, holding onto his hands to prevent another black eye. He laces his fingers with mine. I never knew that he was like that. I knew that he had a rough childhood with a shitty dad.

It makes sense really, his love was reciprocated with violence from his alcoholic mom and his abusive dad. I can tell he doesn't want to act like that and that he knows it's wrong. And right now, he's kissing me and he's trying his hardest to show me he cares. He’s holding my hands and kissing my mouth and he tastes like strawberry and cinnamon sugar.

I pull back and wince, expecting to be hit but he just squeezes my hands, “It’s okay, Bren.” He says, “I won’t hit you. I hate that I made you feel like I will.” He brings his hand up and softly caresses my cheek, “I hate that my reflex is to act like my dad too.” He frowns.

“It’s okay. I know you’re trying.” I mumble, “I get why you act like that too but I know you don’t want to. I also can tell you for a fact that someday you won’t do it anymore. Is that the only thing that makes you react badly?”

“Yeah, I stopped the other things because you’re so touchy-feely that it just went away.” He admits.

“See, and now I’ll help you get rid of this one.” I kiss him again and he flinches, grabbing my hands again and I smile. It’s so cute, just like him. I pull back again after a bit, “Promise you’ll still leave me notes at work?”

“Only if you do that for me too.” He says and reaches into the inside pocket of my jacket, pulling out a small, folded paper, “I knew you wouldn’t see this.”

“What is that?” I take it from him and unfold it.

Brendon Urie,

You owe me one heart now that I have returned the jacket.

Sorry I hit you.

With love,

~ Dal ♥

P.S. Please go on a date with me? xx

“Yes.” I smile at him and peck him on the cheek which puts a tiny grin on his lips.

We sit on the swings, hand in hand and watch the sunrise. Together.

[coffeesforfuckers]

Our Summers Together Are My Best Kept Secrets And My Biggest Mistakes // Chapter Fourteen

Ships: Peterick, Brallon, Ferard, Trohley, Jalex, Zian and others in the background

Description: Summers for most kids are spent going to the beach and on vacations with your family but lots are shipped off to summer camps for the whole summer. But the kids at Hempman Summer Camp actually beg to go! Patrick Stump, Andy Hurley and Joe Trohman all met there, they had all known each other for probably over a decade because of this absolutely amazing stay-away camp for kids from the ages of six to nineteen. All the kids that were there came back until they couldn’t and they always had the same kids except a few new, younger, kids every year. That is until the year that the weird kid with the jet-black, dyed, black fringe and the crazy piercings and a couple tattoos comes in like he owns the place. That year also happens to be the same year that Patrick Stump gets gum stuck to the new emo kid’s face and hair. It was love at first sight… But hate at first interaction for the blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy and the complete opposite for the new kid, Pete Wentz.

Chapter 14: Fourteen - The Only Straight Thing I Do Is Straight Up Say No

Patrick

Pete holds my hand, swinging our arms and bumping his hips against mine. Well, he was had slightly shorter legs than me (Even though he was taller) so his hips were mostly hitting my thighs. The smile on his face is so bright, he is just so happy.

He's happy with me . It's baffling, I've never made anybody this happy. And what's even crazier, he makes me that happy.

Pete drops my hand and tosses his arm around my waist, making it so we were far too close. I lean against him to get closer.

He places a kiss to the side of my head with a grin spread across his lips. I love going out with him where we can act like this without any hesitation or fear of being caught. Pete would do this anywhere if I’d only let him.

“You look so good today. Did you do something different?” Pete asks, “You look perfect everyday but like, today is just different?” He says, brushing the stray hairs that hung in my face, off to the side.

“I didn’t do anything else that I don’t normally do.” I tilt my head up a bit to look at him.

“I don’t know but you just look really amazing today.” Pete smiles at me as I turn a deep shade of red, “Awe, you're so cute when you blush, ‘Trick.” Pete teases and I elbow him in the ribs.

“Stop that!” I whine, my face getting hotter.

“Nope.” Pete kisses my cheek. I push him off of me but he catches my waist and pulls me back quickly, “You can't get away that easy, babe.”

I let out a groan and Pete pecks me on the lips.

“Patrick!?” A voice calls and I instantly shove Pete off, he goes to grab me but I smack his hands away and he gets the hint. I keep walking, pretending like I didn't hear it and move a bit faster.

“Pat, slow down, holy shit.” Pete grabs my arm but I pull it away.

“Dude, someone recognized me, you have to stop.” I speak without even glancing at him.

“Patrick.” He stops walking and I spin to face him.

“No.” I glare at him.

“Calm down, it's okay.” He speaks softly.

“Patrick?” The person's voice is now way too close for comfort as they step up behind Pete.

My Aunt.

“A-... Aunty Kath…” I choke.

“Patrick, what were you doing!?” She demands and I start to shake, my stomach drops.

“What-... What do you mean?” I stammer, my voice as unsteady as the rest of me.

“With this boy! What were you doing with him!?” She points at Pete.

“I'm sorry, ma’am, it's my fault.” Pete speaks up, which I'm beyond thankful for. I know if I tried to say something I would've been sick on the spot.

“What are you talking about?” She now turns her attention to Pete.

“I have a bit of a crush on Patrick and he knows but he's straight and is just trying to make me happy and I took it a little too far. I apologize.” Pete says on the spot.

Kath looks between us both, shaking her head, “That's a lie, Patrick looks like he could pass out.” She notices and I know I'm fucked.

“He's not feeling well.” Pete again, lies through his teeth.

“Does your mother know about this, Patrick? Does she know that you're with a man ? Going against the word of god! ” She scolds me, completely ignoring Pete at this point.

Tears start to well in my eyes.

“I-... I’m not-...” I start but she isn’t listening.

“I can’t believe you Patrick!” She tosses her arms in the air, making a scene, “I thought you knew better!” Kath says, not understanding how badly I really did want to be normal. How much I didn’t want to feel this way. I just did and Pete made that nagging, that constant pressure of wanting to be something I wasn’t, he made it not hurt, he made me feel like it was okay to be like this.

“You don’t… It’s not what you think, Aunt Kath! Just please, don’t tell my mom! Please!” I beg, “You don’t understand.” I speak.

“Don’t count on me keeping your dirty secrets.” She huffs, storming off. Pete stands there for a while, not sure of what to do. He can see that I’m breaking just by the way I’m shaking.

“Pat… I’m so sorry.” He finally says and my eyes well with tears, I can’t see properly as they start to pool at the brim of my eyes, spilling over. Pete hesitates as he goes to touch me. He doesn’t know how to react to this, unsure of what I was going to do.

I throw myself against him, burying my face in the crook of his neck. He doesn’t do anything for a bit, eventually wrapping his arms around me, rubbing at my back, “It… It’ll be okay, Pat, don’t worry.” He coos.

“I can’t do this, Pete. I just…I can’t…” I sob.

“Please don’t, babe, please.” He starts to beg and I don’t understand why, “Don’t run away, please.” That’s when I remember. I wasn’t even thinking about leaving him. He’s the only stable thing in my life.

I look up at him through the tears, “I-... I wasn’t even thinking about that…” I tell him and he kisses my forehead.

“Good, just… Don’t think about the bad. Think about us, not what they think. All that matters is that we have each other.”

“I love you so much, Pete.”

“And I love you too, Pat.”

Rian

Zach tugs at his hair, pulling at the bottom of his shirt to straighten it, tugging his pants up a bit more. I just sit and watch, I can’t seem to help myself.

“Do I look alright?” He turns to me and I instantly fumble with my phone to make it look like I was doing something.

“Yeah, you look fine.” I speak while staring at my phone screen.

“You didn’t even look.” Zach speaks.

“ I don’t have to, you always look great.” I say without thinking.

“Oh… Uh…” He’s taken aback, “Okay, thank you?” I can feel my cheeks heating up, burning my skin with a deep red glow.

“Yeah, no problem dude.” I swallow hard.

“Aren’t you going to get ready or…?” He trails off and I give him a confused look.

“Why? What do you mean?” I ask.

“Dinner. I invited you to dinner with me.” Zach looks at me weird, “You said yes, are you like, alright, Rian. You’ve been acting fucking weird lately.”

“I’m fine, just… Not getting enough sleep.” I give a lame excuse. That was what I was chalking it up to in my own head at least.

“Alright, do you still want to come?” He watches me as I nod.

“Uh, yeah, I’ll get dressed, hold on.” I get up and Zach sits on his bed. I tug on some clean clothes and fix my hair, stealing some of Jack’s hair gel to do so.

“You really got dressed up for a plain dinner.” Zach eyes me over when I finish getting ready.

I shrug, “I want to look nice at least.”

“You look great.” He gives me his signature, super awkward smile.

“Thank you.” I nod and he does as well.

***

The car ride was so awkward I felt like I was going to die. Well, it was awkward for me, not for Zach. Neither of us talked at all, just rode in silence, other than our breathing and the radio on low.

He pulled up to some chinese place called Orange Garden. I’d eaten food from here a couple times, it was pretty good.  Zach exited the car and it didn’t register in my brain that I needed to get out too. He opens my door for me and I feel my heart race for a moment.

“You know you have to get out.” He states and I nod.

“Uh, yeah, I got distracted, sorry…”

***

I am a mess. Zach wanted to go on an adventure when we got back to camp and here we were in the woods near a roped off cliff that drops down to the sandy pond below. There was a playground there and Zach was hanging out on the top of the monkey bars. His head dangling off one side and his legs hanging off the other. I was sitting on the swings that were attached to them, swaying slightly back and forth.

“The sunset is so pretty.” I hum and Zach sits up.

“I can’t see it through the trees.” He jumps off and sits down next to me on the swings and he glows with the light that bounced around the small little cove of trees, “Wow, you’re right.” He coos, looking over at me.

My eyes meet his and their glowing, the auburn orange from the sun reflected in the brown flakes in his hazel eyes, making them shine gold. I’m taken aback by his sudden gorgeousness, I’d never felt my heart pound the way that it was or had the want to just touch him before.

I lean closer to him and he just watches, his gaze following me. I brush a stray hair from his face, trailing my fingers over his soft skin. He’s obviously confused but says nothing.

I stop, my hand resting on his cheek as I plant a small kiss to his mouth. He kisses back for the small, fraction of a second that I had my lips locked to his. I tilt my head back so our mouths were no longer touching, my forehead brushing against his glabella and the tip of his nose tapping the bridge of my nose.

“I don’t know why I did that…” I mumble, “I don’t know why I want to…” Zach places a finger under my chin and moves my mouth back to his. Kissing me a bit longer than I had the first time.

“Me too.” He says softly, “The only difference is that I like guys and you don’t.”

I giggle and bump my forehead against his in the process, “I’m not even sure anymore.”

“Maybe I’m just special.”

Patrick

I’m scribbling down some lyrics in a notebook while Pete does whatever and both Andy and Joe act all gay with each other. Jack and Alex were out doing something with some friends.

My phone rings and I glance at it, my mom. It’s nine at night so I know it’s bad.

I answer it hesitantly, “Hi, Momma.” I notice Pete tense.

“Your aunt just called.” She says and my stomach twists, “Tell me what you think she said.”

“She took something that happened out of context, it’s nothing.” I lie. My hands are shaking and I now have Andy and Joe’s attention.

“Don’t you lie to me, Patrick Martin Stump.” She snaps.

“I’m not!” I insist.

“Pack your bags, your father and I are coming to get you tonight.” My mom says and I feel everything in me break.

“No! No, Momma, please no!” I start pleading, “I-... I’ll do anything, Momma! You can’t do that!”

“It’s too late for that. You’re being sent to camp to correct what that place has done to you.” She snaps and I feel ill.

“No. I-... No.” I state, “I’m not going. No.” I insist.

“Pack your bags, now.” She growls, “We’re on our way.” And the phone clicks, signalling she’d hung up. Everybody’s eyes are on me, I could care less.

The tears I’d forced back started falling as I fumble from my bed and throw myself onto Pete who holds me without even asking. I’m shaking and sobbing so hard that I can’t breathe, I feel so sick that I could throw-up. Pete is rubbing my back and holding me so tight, I cling to him as if I let go that he would disappear.

“What’s going on?” Andy asks and I can’t bring myself to answer.

Pete leans in close to me, “Do you want me to tell them?” He hums. I hesitate but nod nonetheless, “Something happened while we were out today and now his mother is pissed off at him.”

I sit upright, “Not just pissed, Pete! Not just pissed ! She’s coming to get me and send me to a conversation therapy camp!” I bawl and I hear Joe choke.

“You’re gay!?” He gasps.

“Yes, Joe! Of course I am!” I snap, burying my face in my hands as I choke and try to breathe again, “Why couldn’t I just be normal?” I cough into my hands. Pete sits up and pulls me into him, the bed dips and I feel Joe and Andy hug onto me.

“You are normal, Baby, there's nothing wrong with you.” Pete kisses my forehead.

“My parents are sending me to die, Pete! They’re taking me away from the only place that I feel like I belong! I can’t-... I can’t just…” I can’t get anything else out, just muffled sobs as I press my face into his chest, gripping onto his shirt.

“It’s okay, Baby, you don’t have to go… They can’t make you.” He persists.

“You don’t understand.” I choke.

“I know I don’t but you’re eighteen, you’re a legal adult.”

I shake my head, “You don’t get it.”

“I’m sorry.”

***

Andy and Joe left us to have what small amount of time we had left together by ourselves. I’m laying with him and he’s stroking my hair. Pete starts kissing my face, covering every exposed piece of skin that he could.

“I need to leave my mark on you… I need you to be able to feel how much I love you everywhere, all the time.” He hums against my neck.

“I love you. I love you so much… I want you, I want to stay with you.” I whimper.

“Stay with me.”

“I can’t.” I cry just as my phone rings again. I answer with my heart broken, “Hi, Momma.”

“We’re waiting for you. Get out here.” She hangs up and I cry harder.

“I’ll walk you down there.” He says, “You can’t say no, I’m coming with you either way.” He insists as we both get off his bed. Pete grabs one of my bags and we walk to the parking area, hand in hand with our hearts dragging behind.

I can see my mothers car which is all the way across the lot. I lean against Pete and he kisses the side of my head. The secret’s already out, what’s the point in hiding it anymore? I let the tears fall freely, my legs getting heavier with each step. I swallow hard as my mother steps out of her car, Pete holds me tighter as he notices her.

“Patrick. Get in the car and stop fucking around. And for you Mr. Wentz. Let go of my son right now and do not contact him ever again.” She points at us, “Does your mother know the sin that you’ve done? Does she know what you did to my son?”

“Yeah, she actually loves me and accepts me and realizes that loving somebody isn’t a fucking choice and didn’t send me off to kill myself, she sent me somewhere for me to be able to live.” Pete snaps, not letting me go, “But you know, I would say have fun killing your child but I’m in love with him so I just can’t let you.”

“How dare you speak to me like that! This is my child and he wasn’t raised like this.” My mom growls.

“Yeah, you raised your kid to fucking hate himself! He fucking has breakdowns because of you! You taught him that he wasn’t fucking good enough just because he couldn’t love women!” Pete shouts, “Patrick fucking hates himself because you drilled it into his head that he’s no fucking good when he’s the only person that has ever fucking excepted me! He’s the only person that has ever been good enough for anything!”

“Shut your mouth! Your language is disgusting, just like you. You made my son think it’s okay to love the same sex!” She blames him.

“No, he taught me how to love because I was just the biggest slut on the face of the earth. I fucked any guy that was willing before I met him so you should be thanking him.” I chime in and Pete starts laughing pretty hard while my mother is stood mortified, “I’m not going with you. I’ll just find somewhere else to go after this summer. I just, I can’t live somewhere that I can’t be me, I’ve been too scared to be me but here I am, finally me and I’m finally happy. And if that means I’m with a man then so be it.”

My mother just stands there for a long time, pointing at me after a while, “Do not contact me for anything. You lost your chance, Patrick.” She gets back into her car.

Pete and I watch her leave before I throw my arms around him.

I kiss him like I never have before.

I didn’t know what I was going to do when the summer was over but right now that was the least of my worries.

Chapter Masterlist ~

Previous -

One - The Gum Habit Gone Bad

Two - On the Rooftop with You

Three - I Have a Forehead Texting Me and He’s Kind of Cute?

Four - Memories I Keep Locked Away for Times Like This

Five - Crying into the Void That is You

Six - A New Year and a New Us and Some New Friends

Seven - Abandoning You Was My Worst Mistake but Somehow You’re Still There For Me

Eight - A Meal For Two, A Car Ride For The Damned and A Love To Fool Them All.

Nine - Falling For You

Ten - The Indescribable Word That Is True Love

Eleven - It’s Always So Hard To Say Goodbye

Twelve - A Kiss You’ll Always Remember

Thirteen - And A Night You’ll Never Forget

Next -

Fifteen -

[coffeesforfuckers]

Our Summers Together Are My Best Kept Secrets And My Biggest Mistakes // Chapter Thirteen

Ships: Peterick, Brallon, Ferard, Trohley, Jalex, Zian and others in the background

Description: Summers for most kids are spent going to the beach and on vacations with your family but lots are shipped off to summer camps for the whole summer. But the kids at Hempman Summer Camp actually beg to go! Patrick Stump, Andy Hurley and Joe Trohman all met there, they had all known each other for probably over a decade because of this absolutely amazing stay-away camp for kids from the ages of six to nineteen. All the kids that were there came back until they couldn't and they always had the same kids except a few new, younger, kids every year. That is until the year that the weird kid with the jet-black, dyed, black fringe and the crazy piercings and a couple tattoos comes in like he owns the place. That year also happens to be the same year that Patrick Stump gets gum stuck to the new emo kid's face and hair. It was love at first sight... But hate at first interaction for the blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy and the complete opposite for the new kid, Pete Wentz.

Chapter 13: Thirteen - And A Night You'll Never Forget

Pete

I twirl Patrick’s hair around my calloused finger tips, he watches me with his big blue eyes that are brighter than anything I’ve ever seen. His head is on my chest and he’s tracing over the tattoos on my arms and the ones poking out from beneath my shirt with his pale fingers.

I never knew that lying on a railroad track could be comfortable. Patrick tugs at my skin slightly, absentmindedly running his hands over me. It had been months since his last urge to escape, he seemed so genuinely happy with me lately and it just made me feel so good.

“It’s almost been a year.” Patrick hums into me.

“It feels like it’s been a month.” I chuckle softly, “Time flies when you’re in love.” I say but instantly correct myself, “No-... Wait, sorry. I forgot.” I apologized. He was still shy around the mention of love. It was usually ‘ like ’ and not ‘ love ’ that was spoken between us even though that's not what I felt.

“No, no.” Patrick’s blue eyes tilt up to look at me, “I love you too.”

I open my mouth to apologize again only to freeze. My heart pounds at the sound of those words coming from Patrick’s mouth. It sounded so good. Everything just felt so special coming from him. Just the way he says my name gives me chills. But this, this was something that made me feel some type of way, something I couldn't describe in word form. My chest was tight and I felt like I could just burst, my breathing is ragged and I was all shaky.

Patrick looks up at me with his eyes sparkling with pride and a smile plastered to his face. My heart pounds even harder now.

He places a hand to my chest, feeling my heart about to erupt out of me.

“Say it again.” I speak, my voice pleading.

“I love you, Pete.” His smile gets even bigger, “I really love you, a whole lot.”

My body doesn't know how to react, my hands going over my face as I laugh and cry and squeal, my whole body confused by the sudden rush of feeling, one that I've never experienced. Patrick starts to giggle himself as he watching me. He pulls my hands away from my face and kisses me, cupping my face in both of his hands. I truly love this stupid fucking boy with the voice of gold and commitment issues.

He’s giggling into my mouth and I’m shoving my tongue down his throat. He pulls away and gives me a funny look, “Don’t do that, it’s gross.” He says with a smile on his face.

“You know you like it.” I smirk, sticking my tongue out at him and he bites at it and gives me a childlike grin, baring his teeth adorably. I kiss him again.

I can’t stop kissing him, I can’t stop needing him, god I love him.

Joe

Ten years had past, I couldn't believe it. I'd had my first kiss ten years ago today and I fell in love this same day, the moment our lips touched.

My hand holds his, pulling him through the woods, “Hurry up!” I tug excitedly at him.

“Slow down! Jesus Christ, what is this? A race?” He pants. He's a better shape than anybody in the camp but is still managing to struggle to keep up with me. I was so excited.

“I'm just excited!” I exclaim, dragging him off the trail to the boulder.

“Are you really that horney?” Andy laughs at me and I roll my eyes.

“No sex tonight, just romance!” I scramble to the top of my rock.

“What? What's all this about, Joe?” He looks me up and down in confusion.

“It's been ten years, Andy! Ten years since I fell in love with you and since you kissed me! Did you not remember?” I ask as Andy pulls me up.

“Oh yeah! I forgot! I'm sorry…” Andy frowns and I just smile, kissing him.

“I'm glad you forgot so you can't ruin my plans.” I hope down off the rock and Andy follows, now noticing the set-up that I'd created for us. There were blankets and pillows all over and unlit candles placed around.

“What the hell?” Andy looks at me as he sits down, back pressed against the rock.

“Surprise!” I grin widely, kissing him, “Happy anniversary!”

“Our anniversary is October 27th, Joe.” Andy chuckles. He wasn't wrong. We had sex for the first time when we were fourteen and I asked him out right after that happened. We weren't official, we dated others, girls . We still kissed and cuddled and touched while dating these girls too, we didn't see it as cheating because we were nothing but friends. And we were also the same gender, a fake rule that we created to feel better about our cheating. Yet we never got caught by anybody.

“It's been ten years since the night that started this all. So it's been ten years!” I grin and Andy rolls his eyes at my stupidity, shaking his head.

“I love you even though you're an idiot.” He smirks as he kisses me.

“Babe, look.” I pull a blanket off of a cooler, “I knew we'd have lots of food for fourth of July so I got us dessert.” I nod for him to open it.

He does and instantly falls back onto me, erupting with hysterical giggles, “Oreo cheesecake!?” He opens his eyes, squinting through his fit of giggles, “Are you for real?”

I smile, chuckling myself, “Yes! I had to.”

Mine and Andy’s first date was a disaster, but a good one. We were only fourteen and it was late January when we finally got to sneak out late at night, just a two of us. Since we were so young, neither of us had much money, I had leftover Christmas money that I'd saved just for this. It wasn't enough for a real date and we couldn't really get much with it. So we decided on getting sweets and sharing that.

It was about 10:35 pm when we decided on a cheesecake and made our way into the shitty little convenient store down the street from my house. We pick out an Oreo cheesecake, a really terrible, super cheap one at that. It cost $12.99 and we also got some plastic forks to eat it with. The two of us sat outside the store on the curb, freezing and eating this horrid, old, freezer burned cake but it was probably the best night either of us had.

We never got caught even when I got a severe case of the flu that I had for almost two weeks and Andy got a cold that didn’t go away for almost a month. It didn’t matter to us, it was the best date we’d ever had, freezing our asses off at 11 o’clock in the evening eating on the side of the road with plastic forks that could barely break through the rock-hard oreo disaster.

“Oh my god, Joe… You only have fucking plastic forks too!?” He’s dying of laughter at my display of affection.

“I’m just trying to recreate the best date we ever had, Boo.” I grin at him, his head in my lap after he’d fallen over, gasping for air.

“I love you so much.” He smiles as he attempts to catch his breath. Andy sits up and pulls the cake out of the cooler along with the two forks.

We ate the actually good cake that I had gotten from a professional bakery earlier this morning. It was almost a classier, more expensive version of our first date.

We’d eaten about half the cake in total before we’d had enough and put it back in the cooler. I notice the sun had gone down which means they should be starting the fireworks soon. Just as planned.

“Andy, you know I really love you right.” I speak after sitting in silence for the longest time.

“Yeah?” He’s skeptical of my words.

“I’ve honestly had this planned for weeks, I know you forgot but-”

“Joe, uh… The truth is that I didn’t forget… I had plans to bring you out for an expensive dinner and bring you to a fireworks show out of town… I like this a lot better than my idea though.” Andy admits and I smile.

“I would’ve loved that but I think that I like my idea better too because I have a bigger surprise than just the first date recreation.” I’m so excited as the words fall from my mouth, “You know that I love you so much and that you’re my world, I’ve loved you since before I knew what love was and I even kept loving you when it felt wrong…” I look over at him and move to be in front of him, on one knee. I swallow hard as I reach into my back pocket, “I just want this to be as special as you are…” I speak as I pull the ring box out and flip it open.

Andy’s jaw drops as he goes pale, “Joe…” He croaks and my smile falls.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” I start to shake with worry. Andy sits up a bit and pulls a box out of his own pocket and presents me with a ring. I sit still for a long while before bursting  into laughter, so hard that I can’t breathe and I topple over onto Andy, landing in his lap. I’m choking and coughing through my hysterical fit of laughing. Andy titters at the sight of me rolling around, trying to breathe.

“No fucking way!” I cough, “I’ve always said we’re on the same wavelength but no fucking way!” I laugh harder and so does Andy. This was the hardest I’d ever laughed ever in my life. Andy pulls his arms around me as he tips over too.

“I’m assuming that it’s a yes from us both.” He giggles. I nod, unable to speak at this point.

Andy’s phone rings and he picks up, “H-... Hey Pete.” He wheezes through his laughter, “Just… Just a thing… I'll explain s-... Soon. What's up?” He’s struggling to hold back the giggles trying to fall from him, “We went on an ad-adventure… Yeah… Okay… Bye.” He stammers out and tosses his phone to the side.

“He wanted us to hang out.” He chuckles as he hugs me against him.

“No.” I smile at him, kissing his sweet mouth.

“No shit.” He smirks, picking up the ring boxes that had been discarded during our meltdowns. He takes the one he'd gotten me and placed it on my finger and I did the same for him.

I kiss him and he smiles at me, “I love you”

“I love you too, Baby.”

***

“Where were you guys last night?” Pete asks me as I look for clothes.

“Uh, just adventuring.” I shrug and Pete still stares, I make my way to the end of his bed and grab my phone from where I'd tossed it. Pete catches my wrist and holds it tightly between his fingers.

“Where the hell did you get this?” Pete gawks at my ring with wide, bright eyes.

“It was my grandfather's.” I say with a yawn.

“You've never worn it before.” Pete watches me.

“Found it in my bag this morning, I thought I lost it.” I instantly lie. Andy wakes up as I'm in the middle of my sentence.

“What'd you lose?” He yawns as he sits up and stretches.

“Nothing, I found something I lost.” I hum.

“Oh, cool.” Andy gets up and grabs a shirt off the floor near the closet. He pulls it over his head, I catch myself staring, as always. I mean have youseen him. I can’t help it.

Pete eyes Andy suspiciously, grabbing his wrist and looking over the ring on his finger, “What is that ?”

“Gift from my dad.” Andy says and pulls his hand free, I swallow hard. Him and I were engaged and everybody thought we were still straight.

“Really?” He asks.

“We’re engaged.” I suddenly blurt without even thinking. Andy spins to face me faster than he comes and Pete starts to laugh, not believing me.

“It would’ve been more believable to say you shit them out.” Pete laughs and both Andy and I look between him and each other, “You’re not even dating!” He chuckles.

It takes a while for him to even realize that he was the only one laughing and he slowly stops, watching us weird.

“Wait… What? ”Pete asks.

“Joe and I are engaged, like, ready to plan a wedding.” Andy pipes up.

“No your not.” He shakes his head, “That’s impossible.” Pete shakes his head, “You aren’t even dating! Joe, aren’t you dating some girl?!” He gasps.

“Andy, Pete, I am dating and engaged to and going to marry, Andy. I’ve been in love with him since we were kids, sneaking kisses and gentle touches.” I say, “These are engagement rings.” I grab Andy’s hand and present our rings to him.

“Why don’t they match.” He asked, looking at them.

“Well…” I start as we both start to giggle.

“Oh! Oh my god! Did I interrupt that last night!? I am so sorry!” He apologizes and Andy starts to laugh to hard to continue being a part of our conversation.

“No, we already finished that part, you called when we were laughing hysterically.” I reply, giggling.

“Why were you laughing?” Pete now asks.

“So, I got down on one knee to propose and when I pulled out the ring he pulled one out too.” I run my tongue over my lips, starting to laugh again.

“Wait, you both planned to propose on the same night?” Pete gasps.

“You sure do ask a lot of questions, Pete. But yes.” I grin as Andy’s arms go around me. At first I go to pull away out of habit but quickly relax. We’re engaged. I want everybody to know that I love him.

I turn around in his arms and he’s still giggling. I can’t stop smiling as I kiss him awkwardly.

“I ship it.” I hear as someone enters the room, the door clanks closed. I pull away to see who it was, Patrick followed by Dallon and Brendon who were basically too busy fucking to even notice us.

“Dude they got engaged last night!” Pete points at us.

“Yo! Nice.” Patrick high fives me, “Pete, I’m going out to eat, wanna come with?” He tugs at Pete’s arm.

“See you guys, don’t get too crazy.” Pete chuckles as he’s pulled out the door.

“Hey, we’re gonna fuck if you don’t mind getting out.” Dallon says only moments later. Andy smiles.

“Celebratory lunch?” He asks me and I nod.

I’m finally engaged to the man I’ve been in love with for as long as I can remember.

“I love you.”

Chapter Masterlist ~

Previous -

One - The Gum Habit Gone Bad

Two - On the Rooftop with You

Three - I Have a Forehead Texting Me and He’s Kind of Cute?

Four - Memories I Keep Locked Away for Times Like This

Five - Crying into the Void That is You

Six - A New Year and a New Us and Some New Friends

Seven - Abandoning You Was My Worst Mistake but Somehow You’re Still There For Me

Eight - A Meal For Two, A Car Ride For The Damned and A Love To Fool Them All.

Nine - Falling For You

Ten - The Indescribable Word That Is True Love

Eleven - It’s Always So Hard To Say Goodbye

Twelve - A Kiss You’ll Always Remember

Next -

Fourteen - The Only Straight Thing I Do Is Straight Up Say No

[coffeesforfuckers]

Our Summers Together Are My Best Kept Secrets And My Biggest Mistakes // Chapter Twelve

Ships: Peterick, Brallon, Ferard, Trohley, Jalex, Zian and others in the background

Description: Summers for most kids are spent going to the beach and on vacations with your family but lots are shipped off to summer camps for the whole summer. But the kids at Hempman Summer Camp actually beg to go! Patrick Stump, Andy Hurley and Joe Trohman all met there, they had all known each other for probably over a decade because of this absolutely amazing stay-away camp for kids from the ages of six to nineteen. All the kids that were there came back until they couldn't and they always had the same kids except a few new, younger, kids every year. That is until the year that the weird kid with the jet-black, dyed, black fringe and the crazy piercings and a couple tattoos comes in like he owns the place. That year also happens to be the same year that Patrick Stump gets gum stuck to the new emo kid's face and hair. It was love at first sight... But hate at first interaction for the blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy and the complete opposite for the new kid, Pete Wentz.

Chapter 12: Twelve - A Kiss You'll Always Remember

Patrick

Pete grabs me by the waist, catching me mid-sprint, “I caught you.” He bites at my ear, leaving a kiss on my jawline.

“Pete!” I break free of his grip, “People have eyes you know.” I mutter, giving him a shove.

“I wish that they didn’t so I could be the only one to observe your beauty.” He coos and I roll my eyes.

“Can you chill with the gay for like ten seconds?” I roll my eyes as I start to walk off.

“Only if you can keep your dick in your pants for that long.” He retorts and my face goes red. I am such a slut for him.

“I hate you.” I grumble.

Pete’s hands rest against my hips, “Love you too, babe.” He smirks against my neck.

“Don’t do that!” I groan and pull his hands off of me, “There are people here, Pete.” I turn to glance at him over my shoulder and he lets out a huff.

“Too bad.” He tries grabbing me again but I dodge his hands.

“Stop that.” I point at him.

“Am I being bad?” He smirks and I roll my eyes.

“Pete I will dump your sorry-ass right here, right now.” I mumble, stepping up to him. He pecks me on the lips with a grin.

“I’m done.” He says and kisses me once more, “I lied, now I’m done.”

I roll my eyes and laugh. I can’t stand him sometimes.

“Come on, the guys are waiting for us.” I tug at his arm, pulling him back to our meeting spot.

Pete laughs the entire time. He’s always so happy.

He makes me so happy.

Brendon

My feet can’t carry me fast enough, I’m stumbling over the various bags hanging down around me. As soon as I exit the flight gate I can see my giraffe man himself standing not too far away. I somehow manage to run even faster, dropping my bags and throwing myself onto Dallon. He kisses me hard, pushing his mouth to mine, his arms holding me desperately close, my legs around his waist. I pull my arms around his neck and hold onto him with a frantic desire for him. I hadn’t seen him in almost four months. I kiss him awkwardly, moving my mouth hurriedly as if I’d never be able to kiss him again. He kisses back, equally as rushed and forceful.

“I missed you so much.” I gasp against his mouth.

“I missed you too.” He mumbles, I break the kiss to catch my breath, burying my face into the crook of his neck. Dallon presses his face into my hair, we stay like this for a while, until Dallon can’t hold me any longer.

“Bren.” Dallon says softly after setting me down, neither of us letting go of the other.

“Dal.” I speak, hugging him tighter. I didn't want to let go, I wanted to stay like this forever.

“I love you.” He says to me, everything about him screams the words louder than his voice ever could.

“I love you too.” My voice bleeds emotion.

He moves his hands to take mine, “You ready?” He smiles at me.

“Always.” I grin back. He let's go of my hands and picks up a couple of my bags and I take the others, his hand links with mine again as we walk to his car.

Alex

Jack tries to distract me as I drive, kissing my neck, biting at my ear, grabbing at my thighs. I shrug off all of his attempts to make me pull over and fuck him. (No matter how tempting that sounded).

“Baby.” He coos, kissing at my jawline, “Hey, baby, pay attention to me.” He whines like a small child.

“Sorry, sex with a two year old is illegal, Jack. Come back when you're older.” I tease and he giggles into my neck.

“Come on, with all the space up here we could fuck so quick.” He says.

“With all this room and you still insist on practically being on top of me.” I glance at him as he stifles a laugh. I had a 1953 Chevrolet Bel Air that was handed down to me from my grandfather, Jack had what I categorized under a kink, for fucking in it.

“Well yeah, you’re my favorite place to sit.” He winks and I fake gag.

“You are so gross.” I laugh and so does Jack.

We finally get to the parking lot and pull up next to Zach’s car. Him and Rian seem to be pretty happy together if I’m honest, I’m assuming they came together.

“Let’s go find our friends.” I chuckle and Jack sighs.

“You owe me a blowjob.” Jack mutters as he fumbles over me and out of the car. I laugh at him for being so lazy that he couldn’t slide over to his door and get out.

“It’s a no from me.” I reply, that was something we did a lot. Simon Cowell and Gordon Ramsay quotes were our one passion.

“Ass.” He rolls his eyes with a grin, I really did love him.

“Let’s go, dumbass.” I get out of the car and he grabs my hand.

“I love you, stupid.”

“I love you too.”

Andy

I sit, playing on my phone, waiting for Joe to get to our place. My phone buzzes and I check the new notification.

New Message From: Dallon Weekend Hey, dinner with the gang tonight at…

I smile, it was always great to see everybody after being away for so long. I really was going to miss this place, this might be my last summer depending on what happens with Joe and I and if I’m moving, it just depends on life.

I open the message and read the whole thing.

Hey, dinner with the gang tonight at some pizza place on main and then karaoke! Or we can go to a karaoke restaurant? Just going out to have fun in general since we all haven’t seen each other in almost a decade. If you have plans elsewhere, cancel them cause you’re coming no matter what! (Sent to all in a huge group chat).

I’m excited about it but at the same time I really want to just be with Joe tonight, I haven’t seen him in like forever.

I’ll see him every day, all summer. We should see our friends for once.

“Andy!” Joe calls and I jump to my feet, “Babe!” He shouts as he throws himself onto me. I hold him up with ease, his scrawny frame was lighter than what I bench press on a daily basis, “Your hair!” He gasps seeing it almost all gone, “And jesus, you’ve been working out a lot.” Joe is honestly shocked by my appearance change.

“Yep! Trying to look my best for you, Baby.” I kiss him softly and he smiles, bringing his hands up to the sides of my face.

“Your voice just doesn’t match what you look like anymore, damn.” He chuckles, “It’s cute.”

“Thank’s babe, I like your haircut too.” I say, his hair was just a curly bush on the top of his head, “I still am partial to the long hair and beard though.” I smile.

“I like your hair short, I can see your face better.” He kisses my cheek, “Oh my god! Your snakebites!” He pokes at the little empty and barely noticeable holes under my bottom lip.

“Yeah, I got bored of those, plus they’re annoying when we kiss.” I say, “And suck your dick but that’s a different story.”

Joe starts to laugh, his head falling onto my shoulder, “Did you get that text about tonight?” Joe asks, still giggling.

“Yeah, do you want to go?” I question and feel him nod.

“It’ll be nice to see our friends.” He picks his head up to looks at me, his face red and eyes watery.

“I agree, and karaoke seems fun, you’re a great singer.” I grin, kissing him again.

“No, hush.” His cheeks get an even deeper shade of red.

“Never.” I say as I brush our lips. I just couldn’t help but keep kissing him, being away from him for almost six months does shit to me.

Joe smirks, “I’ll make you then.” He kisses me over and over. My chest hurt from how hard my heart was pounding. I missed him too much.

I don’t think I can last six months without him again.

Zach

“You said this was only for a little while, Zach.” Rian snaps at me.

“I thought it was!” That was until I actually did fall in love with you.

“What the fuck does that mean, Zach!? Huh!? Tell me what the fuck is going on here!” He demands, “I’m straight Zach, stop making me play pretend!” He yells and I can feel my heart sinking.

“Because! Everybody thinks we’re happy together! Everybody thinks we're couple goals! I don’t want to disappoint!” I insist. In no way could it because I love him…

Idiot.

If he couldn’t see it then it was no use. I should just give up.

“That’s no excuse!” He yells at me.

“Please! Just… I don’t want to let people down! A little longer.” I beg, I just want to call him mine for as long as I can. Before I have to give up.

“Fine, Zach, fucking fine.” He snaps.

“Thank you.” I mumble and he just shrugs, “Are you going to the thing tonight?”

“Yeah. Are you?”

“Yeah.” I nod as I kick my bag under my bed. I sigh and flop onto it, “I’m gonna sleep first though.”

Frank

I sat in the grass, waiting for my friends. And Gerard… He hadn’t talked to me since Sleeping With Sirens. I still love him, I think I always have really. He makes me happy, well, made me happy. Now it just hurts to even think about him.

Remembering Gerard is so painful, everything about him is still so vivid even after not seeing him for about nine months.

I sigh and pull at the blades of grass before me. The sun is blocked out and I’m covered by shade suddenly.

“Hey loser, here all by yourself?” Chuckles Mikey as he sits in front of me.

“Yeah.” I say, shrugging glancing at him.

“Have you seen Ray?” He asks.

“Nope, haven’t seen anybody.” I shrug yet again, “I’ve been waiting for you guys, mostly you and Ray really though.” I move my full attention to Mikey now.

“What about Gerard?” His brow furrowed, “I thought you two were like… Best friends?”

“He hates me right now.” I pretend like the words don’t hurt to say.

“What? Why? He never told me this.” Mikey seems frustrated that his brother didn’t tell him anything. I’m kind of happy Gerard didn’t say anything.

“We had a disagreement last summer and never resolved it.” I inform as though it was nothing.

“Oh.” He shrugs.

“Mikey!” Gerard calls, “Stop running off to fuck your man, pay attention to me.” He whines like a needy girlfriend, “Oh-... Frank…” He notices me.

“Gee.” I nod and Mikey can feel the tension bouncing off of us. I could too, I just couldn’t figure out what kind of tension it was.

“Frank, can we go somewhere… Alone?”

Mikey winks as I stand.

“Okay. Where to?”

***

Small talk was made on our woodland adventure. It was awkward, bitter tension between us. Gerard is barely there, off in his own head and it’s pissing me off. He’d not listening to me, nor is he paying any attention to the fact I’m right besides him.

“If you’re just going to ignore me then why the fuck did you-”

Gerard kisses me, his soft but clammy hands cup my face. He kisses me so hard we both end up on the ground, “Just shut utp already. You’re giving me a headache.” He speaks in a heavy tone as he pulls back. I’m trembling. Gerard is straddling me, leaned over me as I lay flat on my back on the ground.

“I-... You-... You what?” I stammer and he rolls his eyes at me.

“I said to shut up, Frank. Stop jabbering about shit neither of us want to hear about, stop yammering on and on about nothing when that’s not why we’re even here.” My head was spinning, “Just fucking kiss me already.” He demands.

I was wrong about the bitter tension.

I kiss him hard, my hands behind his head and his holding my face still.

It was sexual.

Rian

Dinner was fun. Gerard and Frank didn’t show so it was just the fourteen of us, Ryan (Ross) didn’t show up either but I get a bitter vibe from Dallon and Brendon when he’s around.

Zach’s hanging off of me like a drunk girlfriend at a frat party, which he is none of those. I promised him a while longer because he truly is desperate for the acceptance of everybody else. He seems to be ignored a lot and I guess I can understand why he wants this to go on for a bit longer. Just so he has somebody to pay attention to him, even though I always do anyway.

He giggles at something that Pete had said and I smile. It’s nice to see him happy.

“You know, I just realized that I’ve never seen you two do anything very… Couple-ish.” Comments Brendon, “Like, you’re always touching but I mean, so are Patrick and Pete but they aren’t a couple, and Joe and Andy do that too.” He says and I can feel Zach’s sudden panic.

“We like to keep to ourselves because we know it can be annoying to some people.” Zach lies with a shaky voice. He stays slumped over in the booth with his head on my shoulder, my arm kind of wrapped around him.

“Yeah but, you don’t even hold hands or anything, like ever.” He continues to push and I sigh to myself.

“Zach, baby.” I say and he looks up at me, shock in his eyes at my words, I place my finger under his chin and lean down, gently kissing him and pulling away. I run a hand over his cheek for extra effect.

Zach looks so shocked and it’s hilarious. I just start to laugh at his expression, everybody seems confused by my outburst. I place my head on the table as I choke and sputter, laughing so hard that I couldn’t catch my breath. Zach snaps out of his shock after a bit, rubbing at my back to try and calm me down but I just laugh even harder. Why it was so funny to me? No clue at all, it just was.

“Okay then…” Brendon hums and nods, everybody loses interest in my fit after a moment or two, only Zach’s attention is still on me when I calm myself to only the extent of some hysterical wheezing.

“Sorry.” I giggle as I look over at him and he smiles at me.

“Don’t apologize.”

“Okay.”

***

We’re sitting in Zach’s car on the way back to camp. I’m pretty tired from the action packed night. He put some music on softly and we don’t really talk, I’m just too tired to make conversation.

“Hey, Rian.” Zach says when we’re pulling into the twenty-minute long dirt road to the parking lot.

“Mmh, yeah?” I hum.

“You kissed me.” He says, “Why-... Why’d you do that?”

Now that he asks, I actually have no idea how to answer. I don’t know.

“Uh, I just felt bad cause you really want this to be believable.” I say, I think that’s right? I hope that’s right.

“But it was so caring.” He hums, almost as if he were swooning.

“I-... I mean, that’s how I kiss?” I mumble, my eyebrows furrowed.

“Okay, I was just asking.” He shakes his head but something about him tells me he’s lying.

Something in me tells me that I’m lying.

Chapter Masterlist ~

Previous -

One - The Gum Habit Gone Bad

Two - On the Rooftop with You

Three - I Have a Forehead Texting Me and He’s Kind of Cute?

Four - Memories I Keep Locked Away for Times Like This

Five - Crying into the Void That is You

Six - A New Year and a New Us and Some New Friends

Seven - Abandoning You Was My Worst Mistake but Somehow You’re Still There For Me

Eight - A Meal For Two, A Car Ride For The Damned and A Love To Fool Them All.

Nine - Falling For You

Ten - The Indescribable Word That Is True Love

Eleven - It’s Always So Hard To Say Goodbye

Next -

Thirteen - And A Night You’ll Never Forget

[coffeesforfuckers]

Our Summers Together Are My Best Kept Secrets And My Biggest Mistakes // Chapter Eleven

Ships: Peterick, Brallon, Ferard, Trohley, Jalex, Zian and others in the background

Description: Summers for most kids are spent going to the beach and on vacations with your family but lots are shipped off to summer camps for the whole summer. But the kids at Hempman Summer Camp actually beg to go! Patrick Stump, Andy Hurley and Joe Trohman all met there, they had all known each other for probably over a decade because of this absolutely amazing stay-away camp for kids from the ages of six to nineteen. All the kids that were there came back until they couldn't and they always had the same kids except a few new, younger, kids every year. That is until the year that the weird kid with the jet-black, dyed, black fringe and the crazy piercings and a couple tattoos comes in like he owns the place. That year also happens to be the same year that Patrick Stump gets gum stuck to the new emo kid's face and hair. It was love at first sight... But hate at first interaction for the blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy and the complete opposite for the new kid, Pete Wentz.

Chapter 11: Eleven - It's Always So Hard To Say Goodbye

Joe

Another summer come and gone, only two days left with Andy until Christmas.

I’m laying on the top of our rock. Andy texted me to meet him here almost an hour ago. He’s late. I honestly was slightly worried due to his on-timeliness, but I soon notice his ginger hair bouncing on his shoulders, “Babe!” He grins as he notices me. I stumble to the ground and hurry over to him.

“Andy!” I smile at him and he presents me with a large bouquet of purple roses. I stop dead in my tracks in astonishment. I’d never seen a purple rose before.

“I love you!” He grins and pushes them towards me even more.

“I-...? I love you too, An… But like, why flowers? And I mean, purple roses?” I’m thoroughly confused.

“They mean love at first sight and lust.” He grins, “You can throw them out if you want, it was just an idea.” He chuckles a bit.

“No! Babe, that’s not what I meant, I love them but like, I was just confused and what am I supposed to say to everybody else?” I ask and Andy kisses me.

“Just say it was from your friends. Nobody else should know what they mean.” He coos and I let out a shaky breath.

“Okay. I nod. That sounds good.” I kiss him and he smiles, “I’m going to save all of these you know.”

“I know.” He smiles.

I pull one of them out of the fucking bush of them and hand it to Andy, “Keep this one.” I say and his smile gets bigger.

“I really love you.” He mumbles, taking the flower.

“You’re an idiot.” I say my expression telling him that I meant otherwise.

“As are you, babe, as are you.”

Pete

Patrick sits on the railroad tracks across from me, our legs tangled. The track had been abandoned for years now and it was now mine and Patrick’s place. Since I broke my arm about two or three weeks back I haven’t been able to go many places but Patrick liked to walk with me on the tracks so it slowly became our place.

“Two days.” He sighs, “I like being with you all the time.” He frowns, “I don’t want it to end.”

I take Patrick’s hand within mine, playing with his smooth hands, rubbing at the callused bumps on the tips. His eyes fall to look at our tangled hands, “I don’t want it too either, ‘Trick. But at least we get to see each other. I mean, Dallon and Bren don’t get to see each other until next summer.”

“You’re right. I’m gonna miss everybody so much…” He mumbles, “Promise to still spend lots of time with me?”

“I’ll spend all the time with you, Babe.” I smile and he does too, “I’m still going to need a shit-ton of help doing stuff until this stupid thing is all better.” I nod towards my arm.

“Yay!” He cheers like a child, “I like you a whole lot.” I chuckle, he was a special person.

“I like you too, Pat.”

“Good.” He squeezes my hand.

“My mom’s going to hemorrhage when she sees the cast. I never told her about the incident.” I let out a soft laugh.

“A-... Are you going to tell her about us?” He stumbles.

“Not if you don't want me to.” I coo and he gives me a sympathetic smile.

“I'm just, I… I'm not out yet and I'm not very ready to come out yet.” Mumbles Patrick softly.

“Come out when you're ready.” I give him a calming grin.

“You're the only one who knows.” He says.

“Well shit, I would hope I'd know.” I mock shock, “Considering I've been fucking you for two years and call you my boyfriend.” I joke and he rolls his eyes.

“You are such an ass.” He smacks my knee.

“Only for you, boo.” I poorly wink at him and he giggles.

He’s a special person.

Brendon

My stomach dropped as we got to the terminal. I didn’t want to go and Dallon was not helping that at all, his arms go around me once we reach where I was going to be boarding the plane.

I hold back tears as I drop my bags at my feet, turning in his arms to face him. He cups my face in his hands, “Next summer will be even better.” He mumbles, leaned down so his forehead rested against mine, the tips of our noses rubbing together.

“I need everyday to be even better, Dal…” I whimper. Who would comfort me when I had a panic attack over what Ryan did? Who would be willing to get into bed with me when I had a nightmare? Who would be there?

“Next year, Baby, next year.” He coos but I start to cry either way. Dallon kisses me but I just cry harder, “Please don’t cry babe, please.” He begs, kissing my cheeks, trying to stop my tears. Little does he know, this is making it even harder to say goodbye.

He pulls me against himself, holding me tight. I’m in tears and shaking when they announced my plane was boarding.

I let go of Dallon but he doesn’t let me go and that’s when I notice his trembling. He sniffles into my shoulder, “I can’t wait a year.” He mumbles, his voice so tiny I can barely hear him.

“Me neither.”

“I’ll see you one month from now in Vegas.” He hiccups, “I love you.”

I shiver at the words at first, “I love you too.” I kiss him and he kisses me back.

His arms drop from my waist and I board my plane with tears falling all the way home.

Chapter Masterlist ~

Previous -

One - The Gum Habit Gone Bad

Two - On the Rooftop with You

Three - I Have a Forehead Texting Me and He’s Kind of Cute?

Four - Memories I Keep Locked Away for Times Like This

Five - Crying into the Void That is You

Six - A New Year and a New Us and Some New Friends

Seven - Abandoning You Was My Worst Mistake but Somehow You’re Still There For Me

Eight - A Meal For Two, A Car Ride For The Damned and A Love To Fool Them All.

Nine - Falling For You

Ten - The Indescribable Word That Is True Love

Next -

Twelve - A Kiss You’ll Always Remember

[coffeesforfuckers]

Our Summers Together Are My Best Kept Secrets And My Biggest Mistakes // Chapter Ten

Ships: Peterick, Brallon, Ferard, Trohley, Jalex, Zian and others in the background

Description: Summers for most kids are spent going to the beach and on vacations with your family but lots are shipped off to summer camps for the whole summer. But the kids at Hempman Summer Camp actually beg to go! Patrick Stump, Andy Hurley and Joe Trohman all met there, they had all known each other for probably over a decade because of this absolutely amazing stay-away camp for kids from the ages of six to nineteen. All the kids that were there came back until they couldn't and they always had the same kids except a few new, younger, kids every year. That is until the year that the weird kid with the jet-black, dyed, black fringe and the crazy piercings and a couple tattoos comes in like he owns the place. That year also happens to be the same year that Patrick Stump gets gum stuck to the new emo kid's face and hair. It was love at first sight... But hate at first interaction for the blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy and the complete opposite for the new kid, Pete Wentz.

Chapter 10: Ten - The Indescribable Word That Is True Love

Pete

“How did this even happen, Mr. Wentz?” The nurse asks as she creates a makeshift sling for me until an ambulance could get here.

Patrick starts to giggle, covering his mouth with his hand, I grin slightly, “I fell out of a tree.” I say and shift around in the bed they’d propped me up in.

“Why were you even in a tree?” The woman asks.

“Adventure?” I glance over at Patrick who looks like he was about to burst.

“Alright then.” The woman shakes her head and walks off to tend to another sick camper. Patrick comes and sits on the edge of the bed, smiling at me.

“Sorry for making you fall out of a tree.” He says with this weird, shaky excitement in his voice. He pushes my hair out of my eyes.

“That’s okay. It was worth it.” I let out a breathy laugh as I take his hand in mine, rubbing my thumb over the back of his hand, which was so smooth.

“What does that mean?” He looks at me funny.

“Uh, like, it was worth falling out of a tree to kiss you.” My cheeks heat up and so do Patrick’s. He pecks me on the lips shyly, it lasted less than a second. My mouth was still tingling from earlier.

Patrick peers up at me from under the long strands of almost ginger hair that hung loosely over his eyes. I go to brush them away and instantly recoil in pain, I had forgotten that my arm was basically a soggy noodle in support beams at the moment. Tears prick at my eyes from the pain, I start to shake slightly as well. Patrick frowns at my pained expression, he presses his mouth to my shoulder, it hurts but he’s so cute that I don’t notice.

“You could say that you fell in love with my kiss.” Patrick says suddenly and tips off the bed as he laughs hysterically at his own pun. I chuckle as well, it honestly hurts since I broke my shoulder and arm and a rib.

“You okay down there, bud?” I roll my eyes and he sits up, wheezing.

“Just dandy.” He continues to giggle as he returns to the bed.

I sigh with a smile plastered to my face. He was so cute, “You idiot.” I murmur and grab his hand again.

“So, uh, Pete?” He suddenly gets serious.

“Yeah? Is everything alright?” I worry.

“Yeah! It’s fine, but like…” He pauses, “You kinda ruined the moment before by falling out of the tree and breaking yourself so I didn’t get the chance to ask if you’d maybe, uh, like to be more than friends?”

“We already are.” I say, confused, “More than friends, less than lovers, remember?”

“No, I-... I don’t mean that… I mean like… More than that.” He’s so nervous, his hands are shaky and he’s holding mine so tight that it feels like he could crush it.

“Do you mean… You want me to be your boyfriend?” I say, almost in shock.

Patrick starts to nod, “Um, yeah… I want to be your really shitty boyfriend that forgets our anniversary and tries to bail at least once a week… If you don’t mind dealing with that then, yeah…” He hums, staring down at his lap.

I go to lift my arm again, cussing to myself as the pain rushes throughout my body. I drop his hand from within my good one and lift his chin so that he’s facing me. I move my hand to the side of his face, rubbing my thumb against his cheek.

“I would love for you to be my wonderful boyfriend that I don’t care if he forgets our anniversary and tries to run away, as long as he stays.” I lean forward and kiss him and I literally can’t even breathe from the stinging pain in my chest and shoulder but it’s worth it.

Everything is worth it for Patrick.

He gently pushes me back, having me lay back against the bed, “Stop hurting yourself for me.” He mumbles, kissing me one more. He climbs on top of me, sitting on my legs with his on either side of me.

“No.” I mutter and Patrick rolls his eyes at me.

“But are you sure? Like, I will actually try and end the relationship at least once a week.” He frowns.

“If you want to leave you can, but I will try and stop you.” I say back and He grabs onto my hand.

“But, I don't want to hurt you.” He starts.

“Are you trying to get out of this already?” I look up at him and he instantly starts to panic.

“No! No, I just… I… I'm worried about you cause I really do have feelings for you. I just… I run away when I get attached, I'm sorry.” He rambles and I watch him as my chest swells. He's so tiny and cute and I'm so in love with him.

“You don’t have to run away from me, I won’t leave you unless you want me to.” I speak softly and move my hand to cup his plump cheek.

“I don’t want to leave but I just get this like need, I’ll panic and it’s scary.” He leans into my touch.

“Instead of leaving come to me and I’ll comfort you until you’re not scared anymore. I’ve fallen in love with you Patrick. You don’t have to say it back if you’re not ready, I just, I’ve been in love with you since I first met you. I don’t want you to leave because you’re scared, I want you to stay because you’re comfortable.” I say as his eyes flutter closed, my thumb running over his smooth skin.

“I’ll try.” He coos, “I really want to try… For you.”

Jack

My fingers tangled in Alex’s hair we’re laid in the abandoned cabin, well, Alex is at least. His head is rested on my lower stomach, looking up at the stars and leaves of the trees through a gaping hole in the roof, he’s laid between my legs which are wrapped around his midsection, my feet between his thighs that were bent upward, swaying from side to side lazily.

“Do you think there really are such things as aliens?” He mumbles, playing with my fingers on my free hand with his own.

“Well, if we’re the most intelligent thing to exist then that’s sad… But yeah, there’s gotta be something else out there.” I reply with a yawn.

“Yeah, you’re right.” He hums as he starts to pull at the loose strands of fabric around the rip in my jeans, “I think animals are smarter than us though… I mean, we’re a pretty fucking challenged species. Human’s are gonna go extinct someday, wiped out like the dinosaurs!”Alex rambles.

“I wish we’d be wiped out like the dinosaurs.” I joke and he pinches me.

“No, bad… Only happy thoughts.” He smiles tiredly.

“That’s the only happy thought I have, baby.” I chuckles and Alex does as well.

“Hey, do you think that someday they’ll invent something so that gays can have babies of their own?” Alex suddenly asks, glancing up at me.

“‘Lex, they still haven’t figured out how to cure the common cold yet, think about this.” Alex erupts into a fit of giggles.

“You got me there!” He’s smiling from ear to ear, I love him, he’s so perfect. I can’t help but admire him.

Everything about him is so perfect, from the lines on his face from laughing too much or the way the corners of his eyes crinkle when he smiles too big. From the way he looks at me to the way his touch feels. From him to everything he does.

I love Alexander Gaskarth.

But, I’m too afraid to say it out loud.

Patrick

Pete looked so comfortable when they knocked him out with all those drugs. It was to stop the pain and it seemed to work pretty well. I held his hand as he slept, I truly felt horrible for him. It was really my fault since I had him go up there. I don’t understand how he would still want me after that but he did.

“I really like you.” I hum and brush some hair out of his face.

Pete was special, he’s the only person I’ve ever felt anything towards other than lust. He makes my heart swell with this weird indescribable ache, and I’ll just doing something with him that we always do and I’m just suddenly so overcome with this flooding in my chest that makes it so hard to catch my breath and it feels like I’m just going to burst because I just want him so much and I love them more than words could ever describe and I want those feelings to be describable but I just… can’t . I try so hard to think of anything that could describe it but I just fail.

Pete Wentz is indescribable. That’s all that I can think of.

“You really are something, Pete.”

Chapter Masterlist ~

Previous -

One - The Gum Habit Gone Bad

Two - On the Rooftop with You

Three - I Have a Forehead Texting Me and He’s Kind of Cute?

Four - Memories I Keep Locked Away for Times Like This

Five - Crying into the Void That is You

Six - A New Year and a New Us and Some New Friends

Seven - Abandoning You Was My Worst Mistake but Somehow You’re Still There For Me

Eight - A Meal For Two, A Car Ride For The Damned and A Love To Fool Them All.

Nine - Falling For You

Next -

Eleven - It’s Always So Hard To Say Goodbye

[coffeesforfuckers]

Our Summers Together Are My Best Kept Secrets And My Biggest Mistakes // Chapter Nine

Ships: Peterick, Brallon, Ferard, Trohley, Jalex, Zian and others in the background

Description: Summers for most kids are spent going to the beach and on vacations with your family but lots are shipped off to summer camps for the whole summer. But the kids at Hempman Summer Camp actually beg to go! Patrick Stump, Andy Hurley and Joe Trohman all met there, they had all known each other for probably over a decade because of this absolutely amazing stay-away camp for kids from the ages of six to nineteen. All the kids that were there came back until they couldn't and they always had the same kids except a few new, younger, kids every year. That is until the year that the weird kid with the jet-black, dyed, black fringe and the crazy piercings and a couple tattoos comes in like he owns the place. That year also happens to be the same year that Patrick Stump gets gum stuck to the new emo kid's face and hair. It was love at first sight... But hate at first interaction for the blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy and the complete opposite for the new kid, Pete Wentz.

Chapter 9: Nine - Falling For You

Gerard

I couldn’t believe any of this. I had just met my fucking idols and now I was watching them perform live in front of me with my best friend. This was fucking crazy.

I belted the words to each of their songs, I was so into it that I barely realized there were thousands of other people here with me. It was just the band, Frank and I.

“This one’s for everybody who’s lost love in their lives and for the lovers stuck in purgatory!” Kellin cheered as the music to ‘Roger Rabbit’ began to play and I smiled, all the couples held each other and I stood singing along softly, listening intently, as this song was one of my favorites.

I feel Frank grab my hand and I clasp my fingers around his, glancing at him and he’s mumbling the words himself, his eyes meet mine too. Frank gets slammed into by the asshole next to him and he tumbles over, I catch him so he wouldn’t die in the pit

Frank stumbles to catch his balance, struggling for only a moment.  Kellin points at us, noticing my arms around Frank in my failing attempt to help him, Kellin gives a thumbs up and smiles, my eyes widening as I realized his assumptions. Frank fumbles out of my grip and looks at me awkwardly.

He says something but I can’t quite make out what he’s trying to convey. I look at him quizzically and he says it louder but I still can’t understand him.

“What?”

Frank

I let out a huff, now that I have the confidence to say my feelings he can’t even hear me. Dammit, “Can I kiss you?” I say like the fucking loser I am, louder than before.

Gerard leans a bit closer to me, “I can’t hear you!” He shouts.

“Can I kiss you!?” I shout back. He looks confused for a second, his brow scrunched.

“Yeah.” He replies but still seems confused. I grab onto his shirt, leaning in and quickly pressing my mouth to his. He doesn’t hesitate to kiss back, grabbing the sides of my face, kissing me heavily, pressing forcefully before pushing me off.

Gerard smiles and laughs, it takes me aback.

He really meant it?

***

Gerard looks absolutely exhausted but beyond happy. His head is leaned against the window as we drive back to camp, “Frank.” Gee coos sleepily.

“Yes?” I reply.

“What was with that kiss? It was so random?” Gerard glances over at me.

“Uh, I dunno. Kellin Quinn ships us so I wanted to try it out.” I chuckle nervously.

“Okay.” He chuckles as well, “Your girlfriend wouldn’t be so happy about that.” He mumbles. Well, Gerard must be pretty stupid if he thinks Melanie is my girlfriend.

“My what now?” I ask and he sighs.

“Your girlfriend, Mel.” He mumbles.

“Mel and I aren’t dating dude.” I say and he looks horribly shocked.

“Uh, what?” He looks at me wide-eyed.

“Gee, I’m gay.” I don’t even bother to look over at him.

Gerard chokes a bit, “Frank did you want to kiss me tonight?” He questions.

“What do you think I said to you?” I was actually curious now. He said yes to something and now I needed to know what I had gotten permission for.

“I don’t know but I knew you asked s0mething so I just said yes… What did you say though?” Gerard asks.

“Uh, I asked if I could kiss you…” I hum and Gerard just sits there, he says nothing for the rest of the car ride.

Patrick

Pete’s hand holds mine as we balance on the railroad tracks we push our weight off of each other to keep balanced.

“Why do you think you have such bad commitment issues?” Pete hums. He’s so soft and it’s so cute.

“I just always have… I just always feel like everybody is gonna leave me and I can’t take being abandoned anymore I guess.” I shrug.

“Oh, I guess I have such a strong passion to be loved because I’ve never had anybody to love me before. I’ve never been abandoned because I’ve never gotten close to anybody before.” He sighs and I squeeze his hand a bit tighter.

We hop off the tracks and wonder into the woods. I lead Pete to my tree and he laughs as I only let go of his hand when I realize I need it to get up the tree. I get up to my normal sitting branch and looks down at Pete.

“What are you waiting for?” I speak and then promptly fumble and almost fall off the branch.

“I don’t want to die.” He replies and I chuckles.

“Get up here.” I insist and he obliges, stumbling up the tree and sitting in front of me. I grab both his hands and play with his fingers with my own, “You have such smooth hands except for the tips. Those are all rough.” I mumble staring down at them with a grin.

“I play bass.” He informs.

“I play everything, well except saxaphone, fuck the sax.” He starts to laugh even though I’m very serious, “I mean it though! They just sound like a dying animal!” I make the sound of a saxophone for emphasis. Pete laughs even harder, I loved his laugh, it’s contagious and I start to giggle too, bumping my forehead to his as I lean forward to catch my breath.

I tilt my head back to look up at Pete who was already watching me with that normal look in his eyes. That special one he only ever gave me. I can feel my heart flutter as I move closer to him, placing my legs on top of his. Pete get’s nervous suddenly but doesn’t stop me. I continue to play with his hands, my eyes dropping to watch them.

My head falls to rest on Pete’s chest, a huge grin is glued to my face.

“Hey, Pete.” I mumble.

“Yep?” He replies.

“I just… I have this weird feeling about you… Not like a bad feeling… But like.. I… Just, um… Well, In my head, I hate you, but my heart won’t stop beating for you.” I hum and Pete seems taken aback.

I lean away from him. He runs his fingers through my hair to push the long strands out of my face. He looks into my eyes as if to see if I’m lying.

“Are you sure?” He asks.

I lean in and kiss him.

Pete goes to pull back but I put my hands on the back of his head. I pull at his somewhat short hair. I smile into the kiss and so does Pete. He pushes hard back against me, fighting for dominance but I push back, winning as I pin him to the tree. Moments into the kiss though, Pete loses his balance and tumbles from the tree, almost taking me with him.

“Pete! Oh my god! Are you okay!?” I scramble to the ground where he’s writhing in pain.

“I think I broke my arm."

Chapter Masterlist ~

Previous -

One - The Gum Habit Gone Bad

Two - On the Rooftop with You

Three - I Have a Forehead Texting Me and He’s Kind of Cute?

Four - Memories I Keep Locked Away for Times Like This

Five - Crying into the Void That is You

Six - A New Year and a New Us and Some New Friends

Seven - Abandoning You Was My Worst Mistake but Somehow You’re Still There For Me

Eight - A Meal For Two, A Car Ride For The Damned and A Love To Fool Them All.

Next -

Ten - The Indescribable Word That Is True Love

[coffeesforfuckers]

Our Summers Together Are My Best Kept Secrets And My Biggest Mistakes // Chapter Eight

Ships: Peterick, Brallon, Ferard, Trohley, Jalex, Zian and others in the background

Description: Summers for most kids are spent going to the beach and on vacations with your family but lots are shipped off to summer camps for the whole summer. But the kids at Hempman Summer Camp actually beg to go! Patrick Stump, Andy Hurley and Joe Trohman all met there, they had all known each other for probably over a decade because of this absolutely amazing stay-away camp for kids from the ages of six to nineteen. All the kids that were there came back until they couldn't and they always had the same kids except a few new, younger, kids every year. That is until the year that the weird kid with the jet-black, dyed, black fringe and the crazy piercings and a couple tattoos comes in like he owns the place. That year also happens to be the same year that Patrick Stump gets gum stuck to the new emo kid's face and hair. It was love at first sight... But hate at first interaction for the blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy and the complete opposite for the new kid, Pete Wentz.

Chapter 8: Eight: A Meal For Two, A Car Ride For The Damned and A Love To Fool Them All.

Pete

Having Dallon and Brendon as roommates was quite an experience. Brendon was a bit stand-off-ish and from what Dallon says, it’s from a traumatic experience. But he’s been getting more touchy-feely. Brendon is constantly touching Dallon and grabbing him, it’s funny. There’s something familiar about him really but I couldn’t place it, I’d figure it out later, right now I was too busy trying to get Patrick to fall in love with me.

It was still just a lot of fucking and him flipping shit if it got too crazy for him. He’s pulling me out to his car in the parking lot, wanting to go drive somewhere and have sex in his car.

We get out where we won’t get caught and Patrick pulls over the car, fumbling into the back of the car. I stay up front, lost in my own world. I can feel his arms wrap around me from around the seat, Patrick is kissing my neck and I can’t resist. I flop into the back on top of Patrick. He kisses my neck and bites at my ear, I suck at his skin and grab at his crotch. It escalated quickly and soon enough we’re shifting around, slamming into things, things being jabbed into us. Patrick’s elbow jabbing into my stomach by accident, my knee shoved into his side. This had been a terrible idea.

“Patrick you’re probably going to end up with my foot up your ass instead of my dick if we fuck in here.” I sigh.

“Let me blow you then.” He says instantly, his wide, blue eyes sparkle with a weird excitement. I, at first, am hesitant but think, what could go wrong and nod.

“Okay, sure.” I shrug and he pushes me and my back slams into the car door I groan and he starts kissing me, undoing my pants. He lets me struggle out of them before doing anything. I’m already hard as a rock at this point so I didn’t need Patrick to get me hard first.

Before I truly have a chance to process any of this my head is tossed back and I’m gasping. This was new, so new… So good, “Oh, fuck… Patrick….” I breathe and shiver as a rush of pleasure runs over me. It was all moving so fast, pieces were missing from my memory.

His tongue flicks around the head of my dick in a way that causes me to let out a much louder moan than normal, my fists clenching in his bleach-blonde hair, panting and almost choking. My hips involuntarily thrust upward and Patrick pulls away, gagging at the unexpected dick being shoved deeper than he could take.

“Fuck.” Patrick coughs, “I almost threw up, dude, don’t do that.” He groans, rubbing his hand over his chest.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, it just felt so good I couldn’t really help it.” I frown and he smiles back at me.

“Shut up and stop apologizing.” He moves back to hovering just above my cock. I whine at his teasing and he smirks, taking my whole length. I moan and clench his hair within my fists. His tongue runs over my member and I choke back a gasp, throwing my head back.

“Oh fuck…” I gasp and arch my back. This felt really good, so fucking good.

I cum into his mouth and he pulls back, swallowing the mouthful of semen. He kisses me quickly and grins.

“Ready to go back?” He asks as I pull my pants back up.

“What about you?” I ask seeing as he got nothing out of this.

“No, let's go out to eat.” He insists even though I can full well see he has a bulge.

“Um? But, Patrick?” I'm thoroughly confused.

He tumbles back into the driver's seat, “Come on. Where do you want to eat?” He watches me as I fall into my seat up front.

“Wherever you want to go I guess?”

Frank

In the car to the concert Gee blared Sleeping With Sirens and sang the lyrics, well more like shouted them while drumming the air and banging his head. His long red locks of hair flying everywhere. I sing along too, but not as loud and violently as Gerard, he’s crazy into music and he’s actually pretty great himself, he can sing like nothing I’ve ever heard, well besides Brendon and Patrick that is, they’re voices are god-like and so is Gerard’s in my opinion, their like a trinity. A very emo, trinity.

Kellin Quinn was a fucking god . Okay?

He’s so exited to meet them, he’s practically shaking when we pull up outside of the small venue almost two hours from camp. I wasn’t nearly as excited as Gerard but I don’t think many people could be, these were his idols. I also wasn’t like, super into them either but they did have good music.

We make our way out of the car and Gerard is tugging at my arm, trying to pull me as fast as he could go into the building. I’m laughing at his excitement. It was so cute.

“Hurry up!” He whines as I go ‘ too slow ’ for him.

“I am! I have tiny legs!” I defend and he starts chuckling at the statement, knowing full well that it was true.

“Your tiny legs are too slow, get bigger ones.” He teases with a grin and I roll my eyes.

“I hate you.” I groan, continuing to jog after him. He’s so cute when he’s this excited, I haven’t ever seen him so excited before.

Inside the venue, waiting in line was worse, Gerard was so fucking pumped and bouncy. So cute.

I yawn and Gerard smacks me, “What the fuck’s that for!?” I elbow him in the side.

“Stop being bored you fucking loser.” He hip-checks me and I slam into the person walking by, some older man who was probably in his twentie’s or thirty’s.

“Sorry about that.” I apologize and Gerard makes a choking noise, attracting both mine and the guy’s attention.

“You’re Justin Hills!” Gerard coughs, gripping onto me in awe. The man holds a finger up to his lips and smiles at him, ruffling his hair.

“See you two soon.” He nods towards the passes around our necks. Gerard squeals into my shoulder nodding as he hugs me, squeezing his arms around my waist.

“Oh my god, Frank! You touched Justin fucking Hills!” He shakes me and I laugh.

“Dude I didn’t even know his name until you said it, I didn’t even know who he was.” I chuckle, rubbing at my neck, “I like their music and I mean I know most of it but I don’t know any of the members.” I shrug and give a sheepish smile to him.

“Really? You like them but don’t even know their names?” Gerard seemed baffled by my ignorance to the subject.

“Yeah?” I shrug, is that not what people do?

“Weird…”

Rian

I lay on my bed with my eyes closed, not sleeping but not awake enough to function. I’d been like this for probably two hours, I was just trying to nap but my brain was not allowing that. It was running wild with adventures, nothing in particular, just falling between dreaming and real life.

I hear the door squeak open and clatter closed, too tired to even see who’d come into the room.

“Rian, get up.” I hear Zach’s voice which is extremely stern for some reason.

“No, sleep, shh.” I hum but I’m soon being ripped from the warmth of my blankets to the cool wooden floor.

“Get up.” He’s even more serious this time and I groan, sitting up.

“You didn’t have to be so rough, jesus.” I grumble, rubbing at my back.

“I can’t take it anymore!” He shouts, pacing as he tosses his hands into the air.

“Take what? I’m sorry, I’m not awake enough for this, please explain.” I grumble, staggering to my feet and yawning. I stretch and my back cracks, Zach winces at the sound.

“Them! Alex, Jack, Tyler, Brendon, Dallon! Their driving me fucking nuts! ‘ You should date, Rian! You and Rian would be so cute together! Are you together yet? ’” He mocks, “I’m gonna put a gun to my fucking head and pull the trigger if I have to hear it one more fucking time!” He’s yelling as he grabs me by shoulders, shaking me as he says his next words, “Will you fake date me until they fuck off?” He begs.

“Dude, neither of us are gay though, right? I know I’m not.” I say.

“I’m not either but I’m so close to killing myself or all of them that I will do anything to make them stop.” He pleads, “Please, we can break up in a few weeks, just fake an argument and end it!”

“We’re going to have to make out and kiss and touch and shit Zach!” I push him off of me, “No way in hell, I’m sorry Zach, but no way.”

“Please!” He shouts, “Rian I will do anything! I mean it’s just kissing! It’s not like it’s sex!”

“Well, I don’t want my first kiss to be with a dude, Zach!” I yell back and he freezes.

“You’ve never had your first kiss?” He gasps, wide-eyed.

“This is why I never told any of you.” I huff and cross my arms.

“You always said that your first kiss was out at a pond near your house with the neighbor girl though! It was such a pretty story!”

“It’s called being a good story-teller, asshole.” I grumble.

“I won’t kiss you, we could just be like… The type that doesn’t ‘show-off’ around our friends and stuff.” He still begs and I, of course , relent.

“Fine. Not for too long though.”

“Deal.” Zach nods, “Hey, so like have you done anything with anybody before?” He asks.

“I’ve never dated anyone, jeez, fuck off already.”

Asshole.

Chapter Masterlist ~

Previous -

One - The Gum Habit Gone Bad

Two - On the Rooftop with You

Three - I Have a Forehead Texting Me and He’s Kind of Cute?

Four - Memories I Keep Locked Away for Times Like This

Five - Crying into the Void That is You

Six - A New Year and a New Us and Some New Friends

Seven - Abandoning You Was My Worst Mistake but Somehow You’re Still There For Me

Next -

Nine - Falling For You

[coffeesforfuckers]

Our Summers Together Are My Best Kept Secrets And My Biggest Mistakes // Chapter Seven

Ships: Peterick, Brallon, Ferard, Trohley, Jalex, Zian and others in the background Description: Summers for most kids are spent going to the beach and on vacations with your family but lots are shipped off to summer camps for the whole summer. But the kids at Hempman Summer Camp actually beg to go! Patrick Stump, Andy Hurley and Joe Trohman all met there, they had all known each other for probably over a decade because of this absolutely amazing stay-away camp for kids from the ages of six to nineteen. All the kids that were there came back until they couldn't and they always had the same kids except a few new, younger, kids every year. That is until the year that the weird kid with the jet-black, dyed, black fringe and the crazy piercings and a couple tattoos comes in like he owns the place. That year also happens to be the same year that Patrick Stump gets gum stuck to the new emo kid's face and hair. It was love at first sight... But hate at first interaction for the blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy and the complete opposite for the new kid, Pete Wentz.

Chapter 7: Seven: Abandoning You Was My Worst Mistake but Somehow You're Still There For Me 

*Trigger Warning*

Brendon

“Why'd you bring me all the way out here, Beeb?” Ryan asks me as he lays back in the empty field of grass.

“I wanted this to be… Um, private.” I wring my hands and he looks up at me.

“Ooh, scandalous.” He chuckles.

“Not really…” I murmur, “Um… Ryan…” I sit down near him and he sits up.

“What is it?” He looks angry and I'm tense, afraid he'd hit me.

“We've been together for almost two months… And I've really… thought about it and I… I don't want to be with you anymore… I'm sorry, I just can't do this right now…” I frown and he glares at me.

“I love you, Brendon.” He sounds mad, “And you do this to me!?” He snaps and I flinch back.

“I care about you, Ryan… I want to be friends-”

“Well, I want you. Not fucking friends!” I wince at how loud he is.

“Ryan, I'm not ready for a relationship. I'm really sorry.” I mumble, I truly just wanted my life back.

“You fucking liar!” He slams me down onto my back and I let out a yelp in pain.

“Ow! Ryan!” I shove him back but he just gets angrier with me and he hits me.

He kisses me and I struggle, pushing him and trying to get free of his mouth and touch.

He holds me down with his body and tries to pin my arms down with his hands. I manage to push him back, “Stop, Ryan! What the fuck!? Stop!” I shout and he slams me back down to the ground.

“Shut up.” He mutters and continues kissing me. I struggle harder but he's so much stronger than me somehow. He's too forceful.

I shove him off of me and try to get to my feet, stumbling with the quick movements and soon my feet were swept out from under me and I hit the ground face first, I can tell my nose is bleeding from the force it had slammed into the ground and the pain in its place.

That's when I began to panic, I can't fight back in the position. I cry out as I feel his hands sliding my pants down, I kick my and try to fight against him but I can’t get him off of me.

He get’s my clothes off and I know this is it. I struggle harder but it’s no use, he enters me and it burns. It hurts so badly that I instantly start to cry, sobbing and shouting into Ryan’s hand that’s pressed to my mouth as he kisses my neck.

“I love you, that’s why I’m doing this Brendon.” He mumbles, “I have to show you I love you.” His voice is low and his words make me feel sick, “Fuck, I love you so much, baby.” He pants and I want to escape. I stop struggling, fighting, moving and if I could, I would stop breathing.

I ran away in my head until it was over, he did whatever he wanted to do to me and I did nothing to stop him. It was my fault for not fighting hard enough against him, my fault for bringing him out here, my fault…

I get my clothes on once hes gone and lay curled up on the ground for a long time, shaking and crying. Why did it happen? Why did I let him do that to me? Why?

Why me?

Dallon

I sit on my bed, typing away to one of my internet friends about how much of a douche Ryan is for stealing my man. I hear the door creak open and clank shut followed by a yelp. I look up to find Brendon shivering like crazy and in tears. I instantly jump up and hurry to his aid.

“What happened? Oh my god your nose! Are you okay?” I panic as I reach out to touch him but he recoils.

“Don’t…” He hiccups, trembling so hard I’m surprised he can even stand, “Dallon…” He cries and I feel every bit of me break, wanting to just grab him and never let go.

“What’s wrong? Brendon, what’s going on with you?” I ask him and he cries even harder.

“Can we go somewhere more private please?” He begs through heavy tears.

“Of course… Where to? The woods?” His whole body tenses at the last word and he cries harder somehow, “Okay, let’s go for a car ride then, we can talk in there.” He sniffles and nods. I worry that he won’t be able to make it to the car and he won’t let me touch him so I won’t be able to help him.

He surprisingly does manage to stagger to my car, almost collapsing a couple times. I feel awful for him.

Brendon

I get into the car, it was a struggle just to get out of the woods let alone to Dallon’s car. Everything hurt.

I clammer into the front seat and Dallon slides into the drivers seat soon after. He says nothing, just starting the car and pulling out of the lot and starting the twenty minute drive down the long dirt path.

“You don’t have to tell me what happened if you really don’t want to, you can tell me anything, whenever you’re ready you can talk to me.” Dallon’s soft words soothe me even though I still feel like I could throw up. I want him to hold me so badly but my body won’t let me, it hurts and my mind is fucking scared while my heart is violently in love with Dallon and suddenly realizing it made a huge mistake. I mean, of course I realized that I was in love with Dallon a while ago but I was tricked into something else on a whim. All of this was my fault for falling into his trap.

He was abusive and I was too blind to see it. Then again I kind of deserved it I guess.

“Thank you.” I mumble after a bit, “Just to let you know I feel really sick.” I warned.

“Do you need me to pull over?” He asks kindly and I begin to shake my head.

“No, I just wanted to make sure you knew.” I half smile up at him. I was drained and struggling to keep myself awake. I probably should sleep but I wanted to tell Dallon what had happened.

“Okay, as long as you’re alright.” He gives me a sad half-grin in reply.

“Dallon… So like… I want to tell you what happened…”I say and he glances over to me.

“Talk your time, Brendon.” He coos, making me smile at his pacience.

“So, I-I… I broke up with Ryan today…” I pause for a moment and Dallon nods, “He got mad and was all… He-... Ryan started yelling... And he was, um… He got really mad.” I start shaking again.

“It’s okay, Bren, take your time, don’t push yourself.” He goes to touch my leg but he pulls back quickly.

I suck in a shaky breath, “He started kissing me and I didn’t want him to and-... And… He hit me and he-... He kept doing it… I told him not to but he kept kissing me and hitting me… But I-I… I pushed him off and I tried to get away but I stumbled and he grabbed my legs and pulled me back down. I fell f-... Face first into… Into the ground… I-... He… Dallon…” I mumble as I start to cry again, “Ryan… He-... He raped me…” I start to bawl and the car slams to a stop.

“He what!?” Dallon shouts and causes me to flinch, “Fuck, I’m sorry, Brendon… Oh my god… Fuck, I’m sorry… I swear if I see that little fucker I’m going to rip his fucking-”

“Dallon, no.” I whimper, “He can’t know that I told.”

“He won’t know, I’ll just beat his ass and not say why.” Dallon looks at me sadly, “You have to tell somebody.” He mumbles.

“I can’t…” I breathe, “It’s my fault, Dal…” I sigh and he starts to shake his head.

“Brendon, none of this is your fault. Don’t you dare blame yourself.” He speaks sternly.

“It is-”

“No.” Dallon insists, “Ryan did something that was not called for. It’s disgusting and wrong of him.” He says and I start crying even harder again.

“He said he did it because he loved me! ‘ I love you, Brendon! I have to do this! ’ Why? Why, Dallon!?” I choke and sputter, Dallon looks like he wants to just hold me forever, “If he loved me then why? Dallon, why? Why did it have to be me?” I cough.

Dallon

He’s sobbing, begging me for an answer to something that I couldn’t answer. I just wanted to hold him and protect him. I felt horrible.

Brendon tossed the car door open and leaned out of it to throw up. I reach over to rub his back but recoil, I just want to comfort him. I understand why he doesn’t want me to touch him, I would be so much worse than him if it had been me, he’s doing so… Good? Like, I don’t mean it as he’s fine but he’s strong, that’s what I meant.

He falls back into his seat and closes the door, pulling himself into the seat, curling up into a tiny ball.

“Dallon… I’m sorry.” His voice is small, just like him right now, “I want to be held, I want you to hold me… I trust you but… But my body won’t let me.” He shakes his head.

“It’s okay, Beeb, I understand.” I coo and he grabs my hand, placing it on his leg, he’s trembling but he holds it there. I’m truly proud of him.

“If I make all the moves maybe I’ll be less scared.” He says and suddenly climbs into my lap. His whole body is shaking harder than a dog in a thunder storm, I feel awful.

“Don’t, Brendon, you’re pushing yourself too hard, too soon.” I say, but he refuses and leans against me, pulling my arms around himself, “Brendon, stop. You’re going to make yourself have a panic attack.” I try and remove my arms but he pushes them back around him.

“If I don’t push myself how will I ever get any better!?” He snaps in tears again.

“I know but you don’t have to go so fast. Go slower and ease yourself into it.” I hum but he just won’t listen, as always.

“No. Fuck you, I’m making myself better as fast as I can.” He refuses and I sigh.

“Okay, but don’t force yourself, please.” I mumble as he presses himself into me, “I still think it would be best if we moved cabins. Cabin F has openings, we both can move, plus Cabin P sucks anyway, no more Spencer and Jon fucking in the room all night.” I hear Brendon chuckle into my chest.

“I’m okay with that, I like Patrick and stuff too.” I smile at his voice.

“You’re going to have to sit in your own seat if we’re going to be moving anywhere.” He smiles and moves back to his seat.

“Let’s go adventure first.”

Chapter Masterlist ~

Previous -

One - The Gum Habit Gone Bad

Two - On the Rooftop with You

Three - I Have a Forehead Texting Me and He’s Kind of Cute?

Four - Memories I Keep Locked Away for Times Like This

Five - Crying into the Void That is You

Six - A New Year and a New Us and Some New Friends

Next -

Eight - A Meal For Two, A Car Ride For The Damned and A Love To Fool Them All.