#no idea how much I've needed this forever omg the fic that will come from if

[guiltysungho]

— Our past, present and future

genre : tags. fluff, exs to lovers, bsf to lovers, flashbacks, childhood friends, summer vacation, love triangle

pairing. bsf!leehan / ex!riwoo x gn!reader

wordcount. 9984

synopsis. Going back to your hometown feels so different now, unable to go back to the way things once were. You find yourself stuck between the love you once had and the possibility of a new love.

a/n. the second part of the past lives event. my longest fic omg. i've been working on it for a bit i really hope y'all like it. it's kinda inspired by love and other words so maybe you'll notice similarities but yeah. i enjoyed writing this so i hope you enjoy reading it and feedback pleasee i always need to improve and criticism is welcome.

@onedoornet

When you lived there you thought you would stay forever. Now everything had changed, and you were on a train going back home when you thought you would never come back.

There were so many reasons you grew to hate the town that you once loved so much, but the true reason you left to never come back was Lee Sanghyeok.

As you sat in the train you couldn’t help your brain traveling back to the town with all the memories it encapsulated, the love, the joy, all the feelings rushing back in all at once. The people you sat with were just as familiar, they had brought all those feelings into your new life, and helped you forget those memories you dreaded.

You had promised each other that if you passed your finals, you would take them to see your hometown. Often, you’d feel reminiscent of your childhood days, when you only had fun, when the damage hadn’t been done yet. You would tell them all about your childhood home, the seaside sunsets, all the flavours you tasted, all the sights you’d seen. So, they wanted to see it for themselves, and you agreed because there was always the chance of you failing, but you didn’t.

Now here you were, with your three closest friends taking the express train, on the verge of tears because it felt like so long, a whole year. Everything could change in a year; you had no idea where to place yourself. You were going home, why did it not feel that way? Beside you, Donghyun kept his eyes on you resting your head to the side gazing out the window, he knew you wouldn’t tell him your mind, but he could tell something was up.

He could see your frown in the reflection of the glass you stared through, watching the greens pass you by, your teeth pulling sharply on your bottom lip. You first felt his fingertips graze your wrist, then his hand slipped in yours, gentle brushes from his thumb on the back of your hand. One deep inhale, focusing your thoughts on the hand that was holding you, a gentle reminder that you wouldn’t be dealing with anything alone, you were so well surrounded.

A glance in his direction, his eyes were already on you, careful and attentive, he’d give you all his attention if that was what you needed. You were unsure how he did it, how he made you feel so safe with just a look, you could never truly feel worry when you were with him.

He nudged his shoulder for you to rest on, shifting closer to you in his seat for you to place your head in the space he saved for you, and you did, letting yourself soak in all the warmth he brought, enveloping you carefully in the safety of Kim Donghyun. Sometimes you wished he would make it harder for you to fall for him, it was truly the easiest thing, falling. But when it was the last thing you wanted it became a challenge.

You’d felt all this comfort in someone else, not so long ago, you loved everything you felt when you were with them so much that when you lost it, you promised yourself to rule out the feeling from your life completely, but then you met Donghyun. Your heart would play the same old melodies that you knew so well, you would look forward to his mindless touches, any contact felt right when he was the perpetrator. You wouldn’t give in completely, as much as you wanted to, as much as you pictured all the ideal ways these feelings could lead you, it was a risk you were not willing to take, not so soon.

Somehow you were fine with the idea of Sanghyeok being your first and last love.

It was impossible to guess at the time how much your first encounter would impact your lives, you were so young then, full of light and curiosity, you always aspired to know more, to dig deeper and understand better. That same curiosity could be the reason you met in the first place, the reason your relationship grew so much to the point of crashing down.

It was the youngest you could remember yourself. During a hot summer, where you would play outside often with other kids from the neighbourhood. You would play around the fountain splashing water on one another while one of their parents watched over you. They didn’t always watch close enough because you always ended up escaping the fun to roam around the small streets, looking for trinkets, coins and anything you could find to build your collection.

It was on one of those days that you saw him, sitting alone on a sidewalk fully occupied by the device he pressed repeatedly in his hands, not noticing your presence until you sat beside him, leaning in closer to get a peek at the fun. He took a quick glance at you before continuing his game, stretching his arms forward for you to see clearly the gameplay. You weren’t familiar with video games at the time, your leisure activities consisted of playing dolls, and swinging on monkey bars but this was life changing.

“You made me lose.” The words “game over” read on the dark screen, you turned to him with a slight frown wondering what happened to the magic on the screen. He simply handed you the device placing your fingers carefully on the right buttons.

“You have to press here and here,” pushing down your fingers pressing them against the buttons as he explained, “don’t stop, okay?” as you nodded, he pressed the start button, and you tried your best to replicate his instructions.

After a few presses, you found yourself in front of the same black screen with the words game over on it, you looked at him stunned by how quickly it ended, and he smiled taking his game back from you.

“You’re not very good.” He said getting up on his feet putting the game in his pocket, you blinked at him confused, how could he be any better he wasn’t even older than you? “Come back tomorrow, I’ll let you play more, okay?” And just like that he was gone running up to a lady who took him by the hand as he walked off.

Then came your neighbour’s mom ready to scold you for running off again, she would eventually get used to it because she always knew where to find you. On that dirty sidewalk with the boy that lived downtown, you had grown closer that summer, seeing each other every day did that.

Being toddlers, your parents inevitably met and then came the playdates, the birthday parties, your parents often reminded you that he wasn’t going to always be around so his eventual absence wouldn’t hit you as hard. He was staying for the summer with his grandparents so he would end up leaving. It wasn’t until the last day of summer that you felt the sadness, he was there with you, eating ice cream together on the swings, watching you sniffle with a soft pout on your lips between every lick.

“Are you sad?” He asked swinging gently with the cool summer breeze, you turned him as your pout deepened on the verge of bursting in a loud cry.

He stood up walking over to you to pat you on the head, “Why are you crying?”

“I don’t want you to go.” You coughed out the words between your sobs, letting your tears coat your face, his brows furrowed as he tilted his head.

“To go? Where?” You frowned at him, surprised that he could joke when you were so sad, then he smiled and so you pushed him away from you, walking away from the “bully” you called friend.

He caught up with you, still obviously amused, you stopped in your tracks turning to him somewhat offended by the smile on his face; “Sanghyeok, you’re being really mean right now.”

“You’re right I’m sorry, but I’ll cheer you up.” You wiped your tears off your face, sighing as you looked at him curious about how he would do that, “I’m not going anywhere, so stop crying.”

The relief you felt hearing those words was incomparable to anything you had ever felt before, he patted your head once again ruffling it to a frizzy mess before taking his leave. After that you came to realize that whenever you were with him, you ended up discovering something new, about the world, or just yourself, that you had so many secrets inside you waiting to be uncovered, more curiosity grew.

Now you were older, and you still didn’t know yourself entirely, but you were getting there and maybe this trip would help you, maybe it didn’t have to be as bad as you imagined.

You finally reach your destination after a long train ride; you gather all your bags and guide your friends through the station to the welcoming area where your parents promised to be.

It’s surprisingly crowded; you scan the room a couple of times before reaching for your phone. Your dad had messaged you a couple minutes ago that they were waiting so why can’t you see them?

A sharp pull on your wrist makes you stumble back, looking at the hand around your wrist you’re ready to snap at Donghyun till you notice the grimace on his face, gaze fixed in front of you, somehow you already know what you’ll see before you turn.

“Why are you here?” it comes out of your mouth before you can even think it, you watch his expression decompose sighing as he points over to the exit.

“Your parents brought me along, I’m sorry I should’ve declined.” You let out a quiet “oh”, looking over to your friends who are clueless to the situation, you gesture for him to lead the way following behind with the others. You feel Donghyun’s hand slide down from your wrist to your palm, holding your hand to keep you by his side.

“That’s him, right?” he leans lower to your ear to whisper the question, you look at him over your shoulder with a playful frown.

“Stop.”

He smiles as he stands up straight, squeezing your hand gently in his, bringing the same smile to your lips as you walk to your parent’s van.

Introductions go smoothly, Sanghyeok had excused himself into the car, taking the driver’s seat. Jiyeon, one of your friends comes up to you as you’re all entering the van, Haneul following behind.

“Why don’t we get to know the driver?” She whines in your ear, amused by your reaction bursting into a quiet laughter with her second pair.

“But seriously, you’re gonna need to do some explaining.” Haneul tells you before taking her seat beside you, leaving the last seat on the row for Donghyun who joins soon after.

The drive feels nice, you look out through the window over his shoulder, resting on it as you listen to your parents’ chatter, letting your friends answer in your place as you doze off just like you always did in the past, driving home.

Seeing him again felt worse than you imagined it would, not because you had so much hatred for him but because you could feel clearly how much you actually missed him, how much you wanted to live back all those years together.

 When you get home, your parents try making you talk, telling you all about everything he’d been helping them with. The thought that he stayed close to your parents even after you stopped talking only made the situation more awkward. You excuse yourself going to help your guests and listening to him say his goodbyes as you walk off. You hate that your parents still push the narrative of a future between you two when that ship had sailed.

To enjoy the first night, you decide to take your friends down to the beach for a late-night dip. It’s one of those things you missed about this town, quiet strolls down to the beach paired with the gentle cool summer breeze, the perfect remedy for such a day.

“So, he’s your ex.” Jiyeon nods at you like to congratulate you for scoring such a fine man, you shake your head back dismissing her. You’re all sat on the sand watching the waves pull back and forth as the sky darkens, using the time to talk about anything that crosses your minds.

“Why’d you break up? Is he like… an asshole?” Haneul giggles leaning in to hear all the gossip, they all look at you expectantly waiting for you to reveal all the bad things he’d done but you shake your head again.

“No, he was a great guy, great boyfriend, great friend but he broke my heart…” The image of the last time you saw him flashed in your mind forcing you to take a deep breath.

‘Sounds like you still like him.”

“It does, right?” you laugh at yourself, standing up taking off your towel before walking down to the shore, cringing at the water temperature, waving for them to join you. The girls follow behind you closely, complaining about the cold water into your ears. Turning away from them, right in front of you was Donghyun, you watch him pull his shirt over his head, revealing a beautifully sculpted body, mindlessly gawking at the scene as the girls swarm around you.

“Here comes plan B.” You dart your eyes at Haneul, who smiles back innocently hugging you close by the waist.

“She’s right, look at him.” You are looking, it’s hard to take your eyes off. He was attractive with clothes but seeing him shirtless had you drooling. He finally reaches you and the two leave your sides. You look him up and down before landing back on his eyes giving him a cute smile, he tilts his head curiously as a smirk grew at the corner of his lips.

Before you can say anything, you’re getting splashed with cold water from multiple directions making you lean in closer to find refuge in his arms, placing your head against his chest as you keep your head down.

“I thought you wanted to swim.” his voice sounds so close to your ear it almost makes you jump back.

“It’s too cold.” you mumble at his chest, he wraps his arm around your lower back and then under your knees sweeping you off your feet, a playful smile on his lips as he speaks up.

“Here let me help.” Walking further into the water, keeping you trapped in his arms, laughing as you cry to get out of the water, kicking your feet as you whine, he gives you a playful air kiss before bending down, soaking you both in the cold water.

You push him off the moment you got in the water, splashing him as you tried to escape him. The two others cheer you on as you swim away, splashing water on all of them with your feet. You all end up in the ocean swimming till it’s too dark to see anything anymore.

As you got older, you found that your feelings for Sanghyeok only kept on evolving, by the time you were in high school it was undeniable that the feelings were far from platonic. However, it also got harder at that point in your lives, everything was revealing itself to be more complicated that you’d initially thought.

“I’ll see you after classes, just wait for me at the gate.” You smiled at him as you unbuckled your seatbelt, stepping out the car with a wave. Sanghyeok had been admitted to a private school by his parents so for the first time in a while you wouldn’t be together at school.

Ever since he got older, his parents had grown more controlling over him, dictating most of his movements and making big decisions for him, with his best interest at heart – of course. Still, you wished he could be closer now, more than ever because of the romance mess high school brought.

It wasn’t as hard to function without him around as you thought it would be, but it felt empty. You met a bunch of new kids your age, and it made you enthusiastic about getting to know new people, but you couldn't wait for the end of the day when you would reunite with the only one that mattered to you.

Finally, the day at school ended, you’d made enough friends in your first day to keep yourself occupied for the rest of the school year – you had good classmates. As you walked out the school compound you could already see him waiting there by the gate, his head down on his phone. You weren’t the only one who’d noticed him apparently, mummers and fingers pointing in his direction all around the entrance, his popularity only seemed to grow as you got older.

He lifted his head up meeting your eyes as you reached him, soft smile on his lips as he greeted you.

“Wanna go to a study café? I’ll help with your notes.” You looked around you at the gossip crowd that formed around you. You gave him a blank stare unamused by him feeding the rumours, he squeezed a tight apologetic smile opening the door for you to get in.

“You’re dead.” you whispered as you ducked you head to enter the car.

Shutting the door close, he smiled all the way to his seat beside you, turning to you curiously.

“Seriously you have to stop doing that, I enjoy being a nobody.”

“You’re my best friend, that’s not gonna be possible.” You rolled your eyes at him as he told his driver to take you to the café you studied at usually in middle school. “I missed you today.”

“Of course you did. Remind me why you’re so popular again? It’s actually pissing me off.” He laughed at your annoyance; he knew it just meant you missed him too. He enjoyed reading your emotions through your intonations, most of the time he felt he was the only one who could understand how you were truly feeling. You kept the actual feelings to yourself because you knew he could tell.

“Young and rich—"

“Short and handsome?” He glanced at you with a pleased grin, completely dismissing the diss. You turned away from him, focusing your gaze out the window.

He leaned in, trying to grab your attention, noticing the red pigment at the tip of your ear, he scoffed at how easily it was to tease you. You turned back to him and were met with a sudden proximity making you widen your eyes, turning away slowly, completely stunned.

The moment the driver announced you had arrived you got out of the car, craving any sort of escape from the situation. He cleared his throat as he stepped out of the car, joining you at the entrance, opening the door for you to enter first.

“How was your first day, by the way?” You snorted out a laugh covering your mouth, you applauded the attempt clear the air, forcing your smile to a straight face. He sighed taking a seat in the booth you usually took.

“Honestly, not bad. How about you?”

He nodded agreeing, telling you a bit about the sprouts of drama starting in his class already. The chattering slowly died out after you brought out your books, respectively focusing on your workload. The occasional glances up at each other, seeing how well you were dealing with the tasks.

“Come over.” You nudged over to the space beside you for him to join you. He took the seat, and you showed him where you were stuck, he knew exactly what to say to help you decipher the question. Handing you back your pen he watched as you took your time to fix your mistake, following the instructions he gave you. Seeing you get a hang of it brought a smile to his lips, he watched your eyebrows furrow at the step you reached confused once again. He simply pointed out the elements you needed, and you nodded seemingly understanding; his eyes stayed there on your face, locked on as you solved the problem.

Your soft pout while you thought of the next steps, made him want to give you more complex equations, just to watch that play out over and over again. The hair you had tucked back behind your ear fell forward, completely blocking his view, bringing him back to his senses, glancing at your exercise sheet only to bring his gaze right back. His hand reached forward grazing your hair strands, ready to push them away but then your hand came up, doing it instead, making him retrieve his hand.

You glanced over at him mindlessly, meeting his eyes for a second before turning back to your work, “Thanks, I got it.”

“Of course.”

After a few more minutes of studying, you finally ended the session for the day, and went home together. It was that way most days in your first year of high school, drop offs in the morning, then the café after school and then you would walk home together. It was mostly him walking you home, he lived closer to the café but he always walked you up home.

Finishing earlier than scheduled one winter day, you decided to go over to his school for once. It was a short walk, the air was cold but that was how you liked it, you sat opposite of the school entrance on a bench. It was nearly time for him to finish so you wouldn’t be there long. You had always wondered how he was at school, away from you, he’d told you so many things, but it was more interesting seeing it for yourself.

The school bell echoed out making you sit up, looking carefully at the mass of kids that walked out the fancy gates hoping to find him there. When you finally did see him, you felt your heart drop to your stomach, it was dumb he could have other friends so why was this one making you so devasted?

She seemed close to him, she was close to him physically, her arm wrapped around his and he smiled at her, did he ever smile at you like that? He’d never mentioned being this close to anyone, you felt a fool. She gave him a hug before walking away with a pretty smile on her face and he watched her walk away with a slight smile, you thought you were the only one he watched leave.

You took in a deep breathe before standing up, you couldn’t make it seem like you cared too much he was free to live, but he could’ve told you. You brush the plaguing thoughts down as you approached him forcing a smile on, seeing the shock on his face from your presence.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” A soft chuckle escaped his lips as he glanced in the direction the girl left in, then back at you.

You tried to compose your thoughts taking in a breath, closing your eyes for a second, you wished you weren’t so affected by it.

“I finished earlier. You never mentioned having such a close friend.” Looking up at him for confirmation that she was in fact just a friend, instead he sighed clearing his throat.

“She’s… I don’t know how to explain this but my parents, they want us to… get to know each other?” He’d thought of so many ways of bringing up this situation, but it never felt right so he figured it could be the one thing he kept from you but now you’d seen it, and he couldn’t just avoid the confrontation.

“Oh. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“There’s not really anything to say, I didn’t want you to think anything of it…”

“So, there’s nothing going on between you two?” You let him place his hand on your head, patting gently with a smile.

“Is yn jealous perhaps?” You frowned at him, pushing his hand off your head, you couldn’t find it in you to just move on from this with a laugh.

“Don’t do that. I didn’t think we had to hide things from each other but apparently, I was wrong.”

“It’s really not like that… We’re only close because our parents keep forcing it, you know how they are.”

“Whatever. Let’s just go.”

He tried reaching for the door to open it for you, but you grabbed it first, taking your seat and shutting the door immediately. The drive was quiet, you figured the study session would be as well. You didn’t think you would get angry with him, but he just kept fuelling the fire, you felt like any other girl demanding information from him, when you were his closest friend. Apparently, that wasn’t enough for him to be honest with you.

You took your seats at the café, and you could feel his eyes glaring through you as you tried focusing on your work. You sighed looking up at him, tilting your head at him wondering what he wanted.

“I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you, but it was hard, I wasn’t sure how you would take it.” He hesitated as he spoke, looking at you carefully hoping he hadn’t said the wrong thing again.

“Your parents want you to date her?” He nodded watching you fidgeting with your pens, you nodded as well registering the information. “So, you’re going to—”

“No. I’m not, I don’t like her like that.”

You stared at him for a moment thinking about it. So far, he hadn’t done much to rebel against his parents, it was hard to believe that he wouldn’t go through with this.

“So, nothing is going on between you two?”

“No yn”

“Did something… happen?” His lips parted open for a second before shutting close, he brought his gaze up to meet yours. Your head turned, confused by the look, but it meant exactly what you thought.

“You had—”

“No! No, we just kissed once, it was at that party I told you about…” He stammered the words shakily, his gaze shifting away from yours as he spoke.

You couldn’t be mad at this, he was a guy, and he was popular you should’ve seen it coming, but you didn’t. You had this idea in the back of your mind that you would be each other’s first, it was dumb but now it felt even dumber. You couldn’t bring yourself to speak up again.

“You’re mad...?” It was obvious, you shook your head at him denying the obvious, “It really didn’t mean anything, like it was a dare.”

“I’m not mad, Sanghyeok. You can kiss whoever you want I don’t really care, It’s cool.”

“You obviously don’t mean that.” His brows furrowed as he moved over to your side of the booth, hoping to reassure you in some way.

“It doesn’t matter. You’ve probably kissed a bunch of people.” You could feel him close, trying to understand searching for your gaze as you spoke, there was a brief moment of silence before he spoke up again.

“I’ve… only ever wanted to kiss one person.”

You turned to him curiously, the question ready to leave your lips but the answer told itself. The soft smile he had as he watched you look over to him, his eyes landing on your lips in a heartbeat, it was all so clear. You wanted to be patient and wait for his lips to press against yours, but it felt out of your hands, you let your heart take the leap.

Inching closer with every breathe, till there was no room to breathe anymore, it felt so natural, his taste felt so familiar. You let your hands guide you to places on his body, places you had touched before but never with so much eagerness, thirst. His tongue slipping into your mouth only added to that feeling, you wanted everything he had to offer, to taste every lingering flavour in his pallet.

A mutual feeling, you could tell as he pulled you closer, hand wrapping around your thigh with a firm grip. Gradually gliding his hand further up your thigh, forcing you back to your senses as you stopped his hand, pulling you away from your fantasy.

When you were younger the town always seemed so big, like there was always something new to discover, you never really had time to be bored but now everything was different.

You look over to your friends laying on your bedroom floor with their respective fans blowing cool air in their faces, taking turns to whine about the hot weather. Your mom had brought diced watermelons for them to snack on while you stayed indoors for the day.

“It’ll be cooler in the evening we can go out then, I promise it will be fun.” Jiyeon looks at you with an exhausted smile expressing her enthusiasm the best she could.

“I’m so sorry guys, I didn’t know they closed the pool. It’s usually best in there when it’s this hot.” You spray each of them with water hoping to keep them alive till the evening.

For the rest of the afternoon, you just sit there on the cool floors, sharing an ice pack till it melts in the sun. It all feels like an unspoken bond that you will all remember for a long time, trying to stay cool in the hot southern summer. Slowly each of you falls asleep waiting for the sun to set, you in Donghyun’s lap as he rests back against the bed, dosing off to the soft snores coming from Haneul who slept soundly resting her legs on your belly, Jiyeon cuddled up right by her side.

Blinking your eyes open you sit up from your spot, yawning quietly as you push the feet on your stomach off. You turn to your own pillow who was already up, you let your head rest on his shoulder still feeling sleepy from your nap.

“You can go ahead and shower first, we’ll probably just go around town, get drinks… I don’t know, it’ll be fun.” You ramble quietly to him, you never knew how you ended up so close, but you always managed to find a spot in Donghyun’s comfort, he’d hold you there for a while and then you would move on like it was only normal.

After about an hour, you finally step out of the house with the group into the poorly lit streets of the town. It had been a while since you last roamed these streets but every memory that you experienced came back to you so lividly. Walking down that road through the empty playground you used to play in, down to the street where you sat playing videogames till it was dark, the same darkness that circled you now.

You tell your friends all about the past memories always leaving out the most significant part, the love that you felt, the one person you spent your days with. You liked thinking erasing him from the memories would make it easier to forget him, to move on without him but all it did was provide a gap, a void, that it seemed would never be filled.

“So, this is where you grew up.” You look over to your side following the voice, a reminder you could build new memories to look back on. “It suits you.”

“You think? I feel like I was meant to be out there.” You smile mindlessly, he can tell you’re getting lost in your thoughts, telling stories you hadn’t thought about in forever, trying your best to cherish the past instead of hating it altogether, he could see all this.

“I think it helped build up all that curiosity, starting off here I think, made you more eager to know more.” You look up at him, his soft features lit perfectly under the dim streetlights paired with a soft smile.

It feels like you’re alone, just the two of you in those quiet streets, staring into each other’s eyes trying to communicate your true feelings through them. Playing a dumb game when you both know. In each moment spent together you can feel how real your hearts’ desire is.

He’s had the words at his throat for a while, waiting for the right moment to tell you honestly but it never feels right, you’re never fully there, even now as you walk the same path side by side your heart lies somewhere else. It complicates things when he doesn’t know whether to help you move on or if you need to hold on to that feeling, that maybe what ever you are holding on to is best for you because he can’t afford to be selfish when it comes to your happiness.

“Omg y’all are actually pissing me off.” You look down at the floor as Haneul takes a space between the both of you breaking off the tension, she wraps her arm around your shoulder and walks you away from Donghyun.

“I feel like Sebastian in the little mermaid trying to set y’all up,” she complains as you get to the town centre, guiding her along to the mart, “you know it’s obvious you like him, right?”

“No?” You turn to her with a frown making her laugh, raising an eyebrow at you questioning your seriousness.

“Well yes baby. You’re always staring into each other’s eyes affectionately like fucking robots it’s so annoying just kiss oh my god.” You groan covering your face in your hand as you step into the store, her giggles echoing in your ear.

“I don’t want to kiss him.”

“And I don’t want to get drunk tonight yet look where we are,” She shrugs grabbing a couple drinks, you look over to the two others at the other end of the aisle and sigh to yourself, “Shalala don’t be shy, you gotta kiss the boy.”

You push her off gently, shaking your head at her playful attitude, grabbing a couple drinks before going over to the others. You try your best to stay focused on the task at hand, gathering the drinks, deciding on other snacks you could grab for the night, glancing at Donghyun, eyes on his lips. Admitting it was hard, but you only had one thing in mind since she mentioned it.

There is no use feeding into it, you like him as a friend more than you want to feel his lips on yours, he was a very valuable friend, and relationships tend to end badly so no matter how much his lips seemed appealing you had to stay away from them.

After getting everything necessary from the store you bring them down to the dock where all the fishermen boats are gathered, a usual drinking spot for underaged teens and overaged drunkards but a perfect spot, nonetheless. The water is calm and the boats rock gently on it, swaying from side to side with the wind, blue moonlight above shining so perfectly across the sky bringing a faint light to your encampment.

The drinks were opened as soon as you found a nice spot at the edge of the dock, right by the water. You sit there together, feet dangling off the edge swinging in the gentle night breeze. It feels right being there together, you never had the exhilarating experience of drinking here with your friends in your teenage years, but you imagine it would have been just like this. Laughter in the air, questionable cocktails and childish games.

“Okay, never have I ever…” Jiyeon glances between you and Donghyun with a sheepish smile, “wanted to kiss my friend. On the lips. French style.”

You roll your eyes bringing the drink to your lips, you had a habit of falling for your friends, so it wasn’t necessarily about this situation, but you let them take it as they want. You look over to him downing the last drops of his drink, your eyes meet as he put the bottle down.

“So which friend?” Haneul asks loudly tearing your gaze away from him and to glare at her. “What? I’m curious.”

“It was a while ago, so you wouldn’t know.”

“The guy at the station, right?” She grins proud of her deduction; you take a deep breath before nodding in response.

“So, no recent friends you want to kiss?”

“What are y’all doing?” You smile through the frown, taken aback by the sudden interrogation. They giggle in unison, drunken voices brushing the whole thing aside, waving around their hands dismissingly.

You sigh turning to Donghyun who was sat on the opposite side of the dock, giving him a tight-lipped smile. He smiles back breathing out a soft laugh, he points over to the spot beside you while the two other dance to the song they made up. You shift slightly to the side inviting him to join you.

“They seem to be having fun.” You glance over to the pair as he sits by the edge beside you, slow dancing to the sound of crickets holding their bottles loosely in their hands.

“Yeah.”

Silence felt unsettling to you most of the time, but then there were the silent moments shared with Donghyun and those just felt comforting. He brought that feeling along with him at all times, just being close to him you could feel it, maybe that was why you liked being so close, because you liked that warmth. You aren’t very close but without looking you can tell his hand is only inches away from yours.

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” he turns over to you and your gaze follows, “You don’t really like it here, do you?” You smile, of course he would notice.

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s a love hate relationship, I had so many good memories here, I’ve been my happiest in these streets, but I guess looking back on it make me sad.” He nods and his hand feels closer than before.

“Do you miss living here?”

“I miss my childhood but that’s normal, I had good friends...” He’s further away again, hesitating once again.

“Your ex? He was a childhood friend?” You take a couple gulps from your drink finishing it at once, you force a smile looking away from him as you do.

“Yeah, my closest friend actually. It probably should’ve stayed that way; it would’ve been better for a lot of people.” His brows furrow as he listens to you, watching you try your best to act like you genuinely did believe the things you were saying.

“You don’t have to see it as a bad thing, you live and you learn, I like to believe that everything happens for a reason. So, try looking at the doors that opened for you after you lost that.” You let him place his hand on yours, listening to his advice, words you know you needed to hear.

“We got a lot closer, and I’m really glad we did, you’re one of my favourite people now.”

“Not your favourite yet?”

“You’re getting there.”

“Also, I saw you drinking earlier. Who’s the lucky girl?” It was a naïve question, but you weren’t able to separate your thoughts from things you wanted to say out loud anymore. There was a possibility it wasn’t about you, maybe he also had an old friend he liked but he made it so obvious you couldn’t even tell yourself lies.

“Who do you think it is?” He asks quietly, staring into your eyes intently, feeling himself draw closer to you so slowly you can barely notice.

You can move away, turn from his gaze, push him off but you don’t, you don’t want to, but you feel as though you have to. You want so badly to leave the past behind, but it holds so many unanswered questions, questions you’d been convincing yourself you knew the answers to but whenever you thought back, it was all a blur. Still, you stay there, watching his eyes land on your lips as they part open, he looks back up into your eyes placing his hand on your cheek, leaning in till he can feel your lips brush against him, your eyes fluttering shut.

“Oh my god look!” The voice brings you back to your senses, pulling away immediately as you turn over to the sound.

“Sunrise already?” The other chimes in, taking her seat beside you. They set this all up only to ruin their plotting in the end, their drunken state overpowered any scheming.

After watching the sunrise, you walk back to your house, swaying from side to side unable to stay balanced with all the alcohol in your system. His gaze always ends up on you, whether he’s helping one of the others up after tripping or holding you so you don’t, he just wishes he could understand, where your mind is.

When you finally reach home, you all swarm into the room as fall asleep in whatever position worked the best. Somehow everyone found a spot on your single sized bed.

A wave of thirst hits you in the middle of your sleep, forcing you out of bed and into the kitchen, chugging down full glasses of water.

“Ah there they are.” You look over to your mom on the sofa with Sanghyeok, you scrunch your face in confusion looking at the clock to confirm to yourself that it was still morning. You yawn as you make your way over to your mom.

“Why is he here?”

“Ask him yourself.” You groan as your mom taps your shoulder gently, leaving you alone in the room with him. You sit beside him on the couch with tired eyes, dozing off mindlessly.

“So why are you here?” You ask eyes closed, the taste of alcohol still strong in your mouth despite all the water.

“I just brought your parents some fruits, from the parents’ garden and your mom invited me in. She said you would be sleeping so I accepted.”

“So, you didn’t want to see me?”

“I always want to see you y/n.” You look over to him, only to look away with a sigh, you want to indulge in it, play blind, act like the past year didn’t completely destroy you, but it did so you can’t.

“Don’t do that.”

“I’ve been waiting for you to come back, I figured you needed the space but now you’re back… and you’re still ignoring me, you look at me like you don’t know me, I don’t—”

“That’s not fair Sanghyeok,” you bite down your bottom lip, trying to stabilize your breathing, looking at anything but him as you inhale, “It was all so confusing for me. Seeing you with her, I got scared and I know I could’ve just talked to you about it, but I’m still scared.”

You couldn’t have predicted at the time that the kiss you shared would change your relationship so drastically, but it was inevitable. You knew you liked him, but you hadn’t thought you would get this far so it got awkward at first, you didn’t even mention the kiss in the week following it.

Maybe it had gotten too weird between you, maybe it was obvious that you were avoiding eye contact, because one day he just asked you directly, “Did you not like it? The kiss?” You answered slightly too enthusiastically that you in fact did enjoy the kiss.

He asked in the most sincere way, no paraphrasing, just the right words to get his point across, “I want you to be my girlfriend, would you… like that?” It seemed surreal at the time, your best friend asking you to be his girlfriend, you’d dreamt of the idea so many times and the reality was so much better. You hadn’t realized when your feelings had grown to the point of wanting to be closer than close with him and then suddenly, he felt the same.

Being in a relationship with Sanghyeok almost felt the same as just being friends, you were always together either way, but everything became more intense. When you were happy with him it felt like you could feel the joy oozing out your pores and everywhere, like you could never feel a single pain in life again. You never really did feel pain when you were with him, he always knew how to make it all better.

Some days you would meet him at school and see him with that girl, just talking as he walked out, and it would feel like the most excruciating pain just seeing them together. You never thought of yourself as the jealous type, but it felt like she had some sort of upper hand over you, being his parents’ choice, spending days at school with Sanghyeok, it somehow made you feel inferior.

You never did talk to him about these feelings because they felt dumb, but you couldn’t help yourself from feeling that way. He could sometimes see it on your face whenever she’d wave you both goodbye, he could tell you were still weary of her.

“Do you want me to stop talking to her?” He asked one of those days when you were headed to his place, you turned to him startled that he would think you would be so controlling but smile on his face revealed the humour.

“I really don’t have anything against her.” he nodded agreeing.

“If it reassures you in some way, she doesn’t like guys and I like you more than anyone else.” In some ways it did reassure you, even though you tried to act indifferent you needed to hear it, to hear that you weren’t the only one that felt those feelings.

Gradually you grew more confident in your relationship, his parents came to accept your relationship after seeing how committed the both of you were and you rarely thought about her, except the times you did.

Just as your relationship lasted through high school so did their friendship, and while you didn’t care as much you still felt cautious. With Sanghyeok everything was so simple, you often wondered if it would always stay that way.

After high school, you once again got separated from each other but this time on your own accord, you didn’t mind the distance between because you knew where to find each other in the end. Every chance you would get you would take that 5-hour train to see him, hold him till sunrise, talking about the exhausting college life. Everything would become so simple again, all you had to do was be together.

When he got his license, it was even better, you could walk out of your faculty building and just see him there, waiting for you like there was no other place you should be. You would take him to all the places you been wanting to eat in your new city, not having found off campus friends yet he became that for you as well.

So, your first year was quite enjoyable, studying was hard, and classes were a bore, but you were happy, you had someone. After your finals, you were ready to go home for the summer, spend it in good company and enjoy life. You had planned so many things together that summer, you could barely hold back your anticipation.

The initial plan was to wait for him to finish his own exams and from there he would pick you up and you would go back home together but you couldn’t wait, so you took the first train after your last exam. It would be a nice surprise, that was exciting, the idea of surprising him for once. You had forgotten what happened the last time you had a similar idea.

You had only one thing in mind and that was seeing him so the minute you got into town you took a cab to his parents’ place, sneaking in with your spare key. You had planned out the surprise so perfectly and then it wasn’t so perfect. At first all you could hear was her voice, so you followed it attentively, you saw her then him, Lee Sanghyeok.

You were ready to step in and go through with your plan, but something stopped you. The two of them together in his house wasn’t an unusual scene but him down on one knee brandishing a ring wasn’t. A proposal? You almost stubbled back, completely shocked, but you quickly regained your senses and walked out the house.

You had never walked as fast as you did that evening fleeing from the nightmare you had experienced, so many thoughts running through your mind as you sped to the main road to catch a taxi back to the station and out of the town.

Frankly you didn’t want to think, to think that you had been a fool for the entirety of those years spent together, that he could throw away your friendship so easily, that you wouldn’t know how to unlove him even after this.

 So, you cried instead, you cried more than you had cried your whole life in that one night, you wanted to understand, to make sense out of what you had seen but you just couldn’t. You sobbed quietly on the train and out loud in your apartment, you could feel your phone buzzing in your pocket, and you knew it would be him, checking up on you as he usually did, completely oblivious to the fact that you knew now.

After that night you tried to limit the tears, you had a life to live so you tried to continue living but when the tears would fall was out of your control. You would think you were finally catching your breath and then your cheeks would feel wet again. You kept your phone off indefinitely, you didn’t want to block him, that would mean the end and you were still holding on to the idea for some reason.

Turning off your phone consequently made you loose track of time, and forget plans, one of those days following the incident you got a knock on your door and your first thought was to ignore it worried it would be him, but the knock spoke.

“Hey y/n, it’s Donghyun. We were supposed to meet today you haven’t been answering your messages, I’m just checking in to know if you’re okay I guess.” Donghyun, you met him during exam period, your first off campus friend. You often hung out after exams just doing anything that felt doable, you enjoyed his company. You had promised to see each other before you left, before anything happened.

You walked over to the door in pyjamas, hair messy, eyes puffy, and for some reason you opened it. You gave him your best smile which probably looked like your worst.

“Sorry. I just—” you swallowed down the tears taking a deep breath, before you could speak again, he interrupted you.

“Don’t apologize please, I was honestly just worried.” He gives you the sweetest smile, putting you at ease in an instant.

“Do you want to come in? It’s actually kinda messy—”

“That’s fine.” Maybe it was the high from the dehydration but something about Donghyun made you feel slightly better, just in his presence you could feel the sadness wearing off. He talked to you about all sorts of things that had nothing to do with the state you were in, but it wasn’t because he didn’t care but he was willing to wait for you to tell him.

You never did tell him much, just that it was a love problem so it would take some time to heal the wounds. Even though he didn’t do much you felt taken care of, all you did was talk and yet you felt the best you had felt in 3 days. You ended up falling asleep there on the couch beside him and then he left.

Stepping out the door was the first time he saw Sanghyeok, both men were quite surprised to see the other, but Sanghyeok spoke first.

“Oh, are you Donghyun?” he nodded in response, “Is y/n home? I’ve been trying to reach them… I don’t know, I just want to know that they’re okay.”

“I think you should give them some space.” Sanghyeok’s eyebrows furrowed for a second, eyes dancing around Donghyun’s face with growing confusion.

“Did something happen…?” He asked hesitantly, Donghyun simply shrugged in response before walking past him.

“Just keep your distance if you care about them, I don’t think they’re ready to see you yet.”

So, he did that, hoping that one day you would come back to him, and it would all make sense. While you tried your best to think as little of him as possible. You didn’t know what to think so you chose not to think, at least you would not know if you had been fooled, living in complete ignorance.

That couldn’t last forever, as peaceful as it was to ignore the truth there would always be a point when you would have to face it and it seems like this is exactly that. With him sitting by you on the couch in your living room, a familiar spot for the both of you. All your questions ready to be answered.

“I saw you with her that day. I came back earlier, after my exams, I went to your house, and you were with her… I saw you with a ring.” He looks around the room puzzled, trying to remind himself of the scene you witnessed. Then he realized.

He let his hands push his hair out of his face in complete exasperation, sighing as he turns to you with an apologetic frown. You wonder if it’s confirmation, if his silence meant you were right all along and the harsh pain from a year ago comes back with a sharp cut at your heart.

“This ring?” He pulls out an engagement ring box from his pocket, you frown slightly confused, “I’ve been keeping it on me for a while, hoping that you would come back.”

“You know I asked for your parents’ blessing that same day…”

“But I saw you on your knee…”

“I was nervous,” he lets out a dry laugh, “I asked her for help a lot because I wanted it to be perfect, I didn’t think much of it because I only saw her as a friend.” Your expression fell flat, in some ways you felt reassured, but you realized you wasted a whole year just feeding yourself lies daily.

The fact that he tried to be understanding made you feel worse because he had every right to be mad at you. You had put yourself in this position from the moment you decided to act like you weren’t bothered by their friendship, because of that he never knew your feelings towards her so he never knew when a situation would hurt you.

“Why didn’t you ever come to see me?” His brows furrow as he answers.

“I did. I was worried when you stopped answering me, so I drove to your place. Your friend was there, the one you brought, tall guy, he said you needed space… from me.” He never told you about this, a new feeling of betrayal hit you.

“I was still worried, but I didn’t want to worsen anything, so I accepted that…” Your frown deepens, biting down on your bottom lip as you turn away from him trying your best to not let the tears take over. “I do understand why you acted the way you did, but I wish you would have talked to me.”

You nod, you wish you talked to him too, you wish you told him everything from the moment you started to feel worried. There were so many nights you could have avoided crying yourself to sleep, so many times where he could have cleared your mind with reassuring words, but you didn’t say anything.

“I didn’t want you to think I was too demanding. I knew she was your friend but there was always that reminder in my head that she could have been something more and maybe she would have been better than me at it… I don’t know.”

“Nothing more would have ever happened between us because you were the only one on my mind. When I thought of love I thought of you.” He reaches for your face, wiping the tears off your cheeks. You lean into his touch taking a deep breath from the familiar feeling.

“Nothing has changed for me y/n. I loved you then and I love you now.”

“It hasn’t changed for me either.” You look into his eyes the way you always did so many nights before, complete sincerity in your eyes. You notice someone walk out the room and shift your gaze toward them, Donghyun. He looks at both of you on the couch, his gaze slowly drifting away as he notices your proximity.

This could be the last step in order for you to move forward in life without any regrets, you had to confront him. You excuse yourself and walk over to Donghyun in the kitchen, he flashes a smile as you approach him.

“So, you’ve made up I see…” you could hear the disappointment in his voice as held onto the glasses cup staring at the water in it blankly.

“Were you ever going to tell me he came that day?” he looks up at you in shock, surprised that you even knew about the encounter.

“I wanted to, but you were getting better, and I thought you wouldn’t want to be reminded of it, of him. I’m sorry if I overstepped.” Thinking about it, he was right you wouldn’t have wanted to hear about him. You shake your head with a soft smile; he was only ever good to you.

“Are you getting back together?" he asks cautiously, he isn’t sure he wants to hear the answer, but he asks anyway. You shrug with an innocent smile. “Can you not… get back together?"

Your eyes widen in shock at the question. He is serious, you can tell by the way he looks at you, inching closer as you stare at him mouth agape.

“Donghyun—”

“Let it just be a past experience or something. I will be your future; I know you feel the same way y/n.” You can’t find it in you to deny it, but you couldn’t deny your feeling for Sanghyeok either.

Before you’re able to speak up Donghyun steps back, pushed gently by Sanghyeok’s hand on his chest. Donghyun glares at him pushing his hand off making Sanghyeok sigh loudly before turning his attention to you.

“I won’t force you to be with me if you’re in love with someone else. Just be honest with yourself, okay?” Sanghyeok tells you, you run your fingers through your hair, completely thrown off by the whole situation.

“I need some time.” You walk out of the kitchen and out the backyard to the beach. You sit there with your thoughts, trying to organize them, trying to understand how you felt but you loved them both and that wouldn’t work.

The decision seems impossible, being faced with two different options. Choosing between your first love and a new love should be an obvious choice but you didn’t know what it was you wanted. Still, you had to make up your mind. The choice is up to you.

; @serejae @gluion

[sga-owns-my-soul]

regarding the shipping (that you ship everything) (i'm a few days late, i know, sorry), do you have thoughts on Radek/Rodney? i'm mostly a monoshipper (even though i want to be a multishipper), so since i ship McShep i'm sorta just lowkey "maybe i'll possibly read a fic or two for them" with other ships including either of them, but even still, i fucking adore Radek/Rodney and i'm a bit annoyed with myself for not properly shipping them, so, thoughts? cute? boring? fun? =D

(John/Todd too. but i like Radek/Rodney better (because i adore Radek) (like pls David Nykl is so cute) (have you seen Arrow? Anatoly pls https://littlegirlinvisible.tumblr.com/post/159026461523 (warning for flashing gifs)) (also i love Anatoly's beard) (but to get back to Todd i have a huge weakness for Christopher Heyerdahl and if it hadn't been for him idk that i'd have liked John/Todd as much as i do. John having to look up at Todd *whines pathetically*))

be well and have fun! (sorry about the rambly mess and all the parentheses)

ps. have you seen Hannibal? my dash had something SGA-related and directly below that a fucked up Hannibal fanart and my brain was like "tumblr user sga owns my soul would appreciate that" and it made me curious. fucked up show, fucked up ship(s), absolutely amazing.

i did not forget about you i've just been rotating this in my brain while putting out the 15 fucking (metaphorical) fires in my life that all popped up at once lmao

SO i have. a Lot of thoughts about rodney and radek as a pairing and you're getting them ALL so buckle up bc this will probably be long

first of all, rodney and radek have SUCH an interesting dynamic and i love the way they go from bitter rivals to reading each others minds with the flick of a switch and it gives SUCH old married couple vibes but they also have such, like, idk almost brotherly vibes??? like they regularly insult and belittle and attack each other but they also are the only one each other trusts (in the science departments) and the only one they let themselves rely on in a crisis. just that kind of "i can say whatever i want but you if you so much as imply something negative i'll break your teeth" vibes ya know????

anyways i think if they were in a relationship of any sort it absolutely would be hate fucking, like they get SO MAD at each other and they're screaming and throwing things in the labs and everyone takes The Cue To Leave bc they know that exactly 8 minutes after the violence starts, the sex starts and no one is paid enough to be traumatized by that lmao but it works every time bc they both emerge from the lab two hours later with messy hair and clothes but also with a brilliant idea that'll fix their 6 current problems and probably another 3 that haven't come up yet omg they would literally be The Power Couple but if you mention dating or any sort of Official Relationship they will both shoot you

also john/todd makes me fucking insane and i'm going to forever scream about how they're LITERALLY DESTINED TO BE TOGETHER JFC THEY ARE THE BRIDGE BETWEEN HUMANS AND WRAITH AND I FULLY FUCKING BELIEVE THEY WOULD RULE THE GALAXY IF THEY GOT TOGETHER I LOVE JOHN/TODD SO MUCH FUCK anyways i'm normal about that ship

ps i have not seen hannibal but the fact that you saw something from another fandom and thought i would like it is the SWEETEST THING EVER and now i feel like i need to watch the show

[unicornmachine]

Unicornmachine AO3 Masterlist

Okay I've wanted to make this post forever so here we go~

For starters, absolutely none of these are safe for work, they are all so very explicit, I'm sorry.

Fiolee

OMG did this pairing possess me (and continues to...) there are so many stories I’ve written for them I’m making a read more break here.

Love in the Moonlight

Summary: Fionna the Human drops by the Candy Palace for the Biennial Gumball Ball, but she doesn't get much dancing done as she's approached by Marshall Lee the Vampire King. She hasn't seen him in years, since she's gone off on rumors searching for a new Enchiridion in Aaa and he's been spending his time in the Nightosphere, and wow. He's just as she remembered, down to the incessant flirting. Let's see if he can make good on any of these promises.

First off, okay, let me just say this was my OG Fiolee fic and the first fanfic I had written in well over a decade. I started out like many authors writing fanfics as a teenager but stopped when I started working on original works. I published three OC books IRL and really enjoyed writing them but there's something about writing fanfics that is just... so much more fun to me. I rewatched Adventure Time and remembered how much I always loved the Fiolee pairing, so I tried to look them up on AO3 to read about them... AND THERE WAS HARDLY ANYTHING!

Oh no, I told myself, I will just write one little fanfic for fun, for old times sake! WHAT A LIE THAT TURNED OUT TO BE.

I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I wrote Love in the Moonlight, but I'm so happy I did.

The Deal

Summary: In a moment of desperation Fionna makes a deal with Marshall Lee the Vampire King.

Oh man... The concept of this fic was so undoing to me, a human making a deal with a vampire? A little of their blood in exchange for some necessary help? UGH!!!

A Challenge Between Friends

Summary: In an attempt to win a challenge to scare Fionna, Marshall Lee accidentally takes things too far while exploring a dungeon and loses his grip on himself.

My friend and I were literally feral coming up with the concept of this. I mean... sexy vampire? Dungeon sex? Marshall sucking the red coloring out of Fionna's bra? WHO SITS AROUND AND DISCUSSES THIS STUFF WITH THEIR FRIENDS?! Me, apparently!

Fionna Campbell: Vampire Hunter

Summary: After 1000 years of peace vampire attacks are popping up and it seems a new vampire is preying on the land. Who better to cleanse the land of this new evil than the original vampire hunter, Marshall Lee the Vampire King. He’ll just need some human bait.

This fic... OMG this fic, this fic, this fic... This is probably my favorite story I've ever written. It is so self-indulgent to me and I honestly had so much fun writing it.

The Star

Summary: Fionna travels through the multiverse, to the universe where the vampires won on a mission to retrieve Simone a new crown. While traveling through the wreckage of this strange, new Aaa she meets The Star.

All I could think while watching the Fionna and Cake episode about Marceline becoming The Star was... WHAT IF WE FLIPPED THIS? AND MARSHALL WAS THE STAR? AND HE CAPTURES FIONNA?! hahahahahaha!!!

There are also multiple one-shots and smaller stories on my AO3 featuring this pairing. Love in the Moonlight has a follow up that is still in progress that is linked to the original fic. One may argue this is simply too much Fiolee porn for one person to write. The only thing I can think is... it's never enough.

Huntbunny

Ahhh! This pairing is so cute! I love the idea of Fionna and Hunter Wizard. I haven't written NEARLY enough of these two, but I have more stories in progress.

The Magic Flower

Summary: Fionna runs into trouble deep in a forest on a mission to retrieve a magic flower. Thankfully, someone finds her and helps her out...

So, this story came from a friend sending me some very explicit Huntbunny fanart from the X artist Yakza_draw. I wrote a story to go with the art and sent it to the artist as a thank you for her making such a wonderful work. She ended up becoming a very dear friend of mine, so this fic will always have a special place in my heart.

The Traveling Fountain

Summary: A string of misfortunes leads to Fionna being knocked unconscious and Cake trapped in a moving cave inside an enchanted forest. Hopefully her new friend can help her find a way to rescue her sister and get to the bottom of where all this rotten luck is coming from.

[morningstargirl666]

When is The Big Bad Wolf Act 2 coming out?? Are you going to release monthly or all at once?? (I just finished the series and I’m in love 🩷🩷 no rush to write, just wondering if you have an idea because you have loyal readers waiting to love it!!! Have a great day <3)

Hello! Lovely to meet you and thank you so much for reading, that fic is a BEAST. So glad you enjoyed it!

So. When is the next update coming out? [nervous laughter]

Thing is, I told myself now I'm halfway i'll go back and edit, smooth things out before this fic literally becomes too long to tackle and that kinda...turned into a full rewrite?

I'm not changing the plot. That's exactly the same. But my ideas for the lore have changed since I first started writing and I wanted to add in a whole lot more of characterisation and set up for the chapters to come. I rewrote The Little Wolf back in December and recently did some tweaking to chapter 5 of it just this last week (I couldn't work out how to fix it when I first did the rewrite but I had an EPHIPHANY okay). So The Little Wolf is around 35k now, which is a huge difference to the 11k it was in November when I posted chapter 35 of tbbw. It's got tons of new scenes, a sharper forcus on the Mikaelson siblings not just Klaus and two whole new chapters. Of course, you've probably already read that as it is posted and you're a new reader, but that's what I was doing before Christmas, essentially.

As for The Big Bad Wolf itself...boy, where do I start. I'm approaching 85k on the rewrite...only on chapter 7. Which technically used to be chapter 6, because I got 5 chapters in before I added a new chapter. I guess that's a record for my restraint, at least.

So, in terms of what's happening: I'm re-writing tbbw. The plot isn't changing, but new scenes are being added, conversations are being tweaked, the lore is being more consistently fleshed out. Grammar for dialogue is being given a complete overhaul because that was a mess. But. Listen. It's so much better. It's so fucking better. I re-read the chapters I've done and in some places, the drafts aren't quite finished yet, like my writer brain is like fix this later BUT omg it's like, THE shit. It's so good. I've very excited.

I'm not sure how long it will take to finish. I might be able to stop halfway and post the rewritten/edited chapters I've got so far but I make no promises because I feel more inclined to keep going and get it all done in one. Some chapters won't need much work at all as they've been more heavily edited in the past (chapter 8 and 9 should be done pretty quickly, just giving them a facelift), while others I'm really ripping into. There's one chapter I know I'll either delete or delete scenes from to be replaced with something else (don't worry, the scenes will go into my deleted scenes fic on ao3, it's not gone forever).

So yeah. At the rate I'm going, I'm not gonna lie, it may take till the summer before I get all this editing done AND finish the new chapter 36 update - and you may get two new chapters at once, because it might be a long one and I might split it. But by the end of it, tbbw won't be 378k anymore. It'll probably be closer 450k. So you'll get a 50k+ update (along with some bonus stuff) to the whole fic and then a week later I'll post the new chapters (I used to post fornightly, a chapter every two weeks, and I'll go back to that when I'm done).

But yeah. I've written like, 110k since December, which for context is is closing in on the equivalent of the second book of TLOTR trilogy: The Return of the King was 137,115 words. That's an epic novel's worth. In three months.

An arguement could be made that I'm making this fic way too long but I don't really care? I love writing this. It makes my head spin and makes me tear my hair out but...it's so much fun too. And I get to rewrite canon, the way it should have been (we were so ROBBED 😭😭😭), so hey! It's free therapy too! I'm not going to stop as long as I'm loving every second.

Thanks for reading, and thank for listening to my insane plans! Hopefully, I'll see you there on ao3 when this fic is back for business!!

-And it WILL be back.

[cuips-not-cute]

Heya cuips! Long-time listener, first-time caller (not entirely true, I've left a comment of each brl chapter so far 😂)

blinking red light has permanently burned itself into my brain at this point, and I'm so keen for the next update! I, no joke, stare at the AO3 tab in my Chrome app like it's my husband who's currently at war.

Other than the GO fic that you have labelled as the main inspo, what inspired you to write brl and fanfiction as a whole?

Ps. Hope you're having a good day❤️

aww well hello!! you are such a sweetheart omg,, however i could not find a comment under this same username on ao3, what handle do you use on there? (and if you use the same one and i somehow missed you then i am so so sorry<3)

ahhh it really means a lot that you're excited about the next update, i'm sincerely hoping to post it within the next few days, but if i can't finish it by this sunday i'll put it up next weekend for sure!! it's at almost 12k now, super chunky.

hmm i think it really was just closed set that inspired it!! i remember being at work last july and daydreaming about the fic & thinking about how much i loved it when i suddenly realized, "hey wait a second, i could steddie-ify this" and i kinda let that idea simmer for a while (was still working on cyclical at that point and i am not the type of person who can write multiple wips at a time) before reaching out to @racketghost about potentially writing smth inspired by their fic!! and they of course were really lovely about it so i started the planning process which took FOREVER because i actually ended up rewriting ch1 several times,,, fun fact originally the plot was gonna be "eddie lies about making tapes with steve harrington to a gang of bullies in order to save his ass from getting beat, except now he feels bad about it and goes to steve to come clean, cue shenanigans when steve offers to actually make the tapes" but i reallyyy wasn't liking what that was doing to eddie's character, plus i couldn't figure out how to make it fit within the post s4 timeline i wanted to write it in because i am just a SUCKER for post canon fics. however it was a bee in my goddamn bonnet and i was GOING to figure out how to make it work because i really really wanted to write a steddie sex tape au inspired by one of my fav stories in the world, so through a hearty combination of bitching and moaning about it to my most incredible friend @lollaika, actually rewatching zack and miri, and generally pacing around the kitchen while the puzzle pieces slowly fell into place i finally figured out how i needed the plot to work and voilà, chapter one!!

as far as writing fic as a whole tho? i can't pinpoint one thing that got me into it, but i've always kinda been a writer, used to have a blue glittery notebook i carried around everywhere as an elementary schooler for that exact reason, and that love for stories has just stuck ever since!! and then getting into fandom opened my eyes to a whole new world of writing that i gotta say i like a whole lot. like so much. you people are the fucking greatest❤️❤️

[shi-daisy]

Chapter 13 and 14 have me reeling omg ma'am! 😭 The fluff 💗 the twists😱 the smut 🥵 We been blessed! I love how Tamlin is finally getting his healing arc/found family/Lucien romance because the way you write our boy is so cuteeeee!!! The flashbacks were adorable, Lucien is so handsome and adorable and I need both of them to be happy and cherished forever. Goodbye SJM canon this is what's canon for me now!

Few questions tho, given that you've named all the other 'nameless' characters like the Vanserra family, Tamlin's family, and other secondary characters is there are a reason why you haven't named Rhysand's family? Like is it because you're looking for a fitting name or a story reason?

Also, given that the new Dusk Court is seemingly a mix of Greece and Japan do you have headcannons for the other courts? What would Spring, Autumn or Winter be?

Finally I can't wait to see more of the Njght Court rebellion. After the whole Dusk reveal I'm excited to see their reactions and maybe backstory, and them with the Valkyries because Gwyn and Lunara would be such a cute friendship. Also Grim is best boy I love this man he's had one scene and now I need a prequel we stan himbo dad warrior in this house! He's what Cassian should've been!

Speaking of, Nesta needs to come back and read everyone for filth! Book 2 might be all about her but she so fun to read here too, especially as Tam's sister (they'd be cute as a ship too but platonic siblings Nestlin is life)

Anyway so sorry for the long message, I love your fic and I'm cheering you on! 💗

Aaaaaaaaa!!!! Anon c'mere and let me hug you! You're so sweet! Thank you so much!!! 🥰🥰🥰 it's been a joy to write this fic and while I already loved Tamlin and Lucien both as individuals and as a ship before, thanks to the fic they've gone up to otp status in my heart. I'm so excited to keep bringing you my boys and their adventures be it sweet and fluffy or high stakes.

Okay so to answer your questions, the reason I haven't named Rhysand's family (or the other bat boys family) is less interesting that twist a or story and has more to do with spite. I am spiteful AF when it comes to the page hogging bats and I refuse to give them any once of development or thought other than antagosnist. So I have zero intention of naming any of those characters because I know SJM would grant them names before the Acheron parents or the Vanserras or any other more important character. So no, I'm just a petty spiteful slug in that case. Sorry to disappoint.

Glad to hear you cought the Greece/Japan mix invented for Dusk. Given that Night seems to be based on Greece along with Middle East at least from what little world building we were shown I thought it would be cool to have them have Greek influence due to Night's colonization but also retain the Japanese inspired culture and aesthetic that was theirs before their fall. I have some ideas for the other courts but these are just headcanons.

Spring- Scottland, France

Summer- Kingdom of Hawaii, Polynesian, Caribbean

Autumn- Spain, Ireland

Winter- Russia, Norway, Korea

Day- Madagascar, Kenya, Roman Empire

Dawn- India, China, Vietnam

Dusk- Japan, Greece, England (Gothic period)

Night- Greece, Middle East

You shall get more Night Court rebellion content soon, I love this group and trust me you haven't met them all yet, lots of peeps want Rhys gone. Gwyn and Lunara will be good pals don't you worry, priestess stick together and I really want more Gwyn she is a delight. Seriously considering a prequel with them at some point.

Funny you mention Grim, he's the favorite so far out of the Rebellion oc's and while I love this precious edgy himbo he is not of my creation @maplesamurai made him as an NPC for one of our D&D campaigns and I've been obsessed with him since then (that version of him and of D&D Lunara are also a couple, mates in every universe baby!) So thank him for the best boy and best himbo. Cassian's got nothing on the best dilf!

Nesta too will get more page time, I'm just keeping from adding too much before her own book, while her healing is mostly happening offscreen and she will be stable by the time of book 2 girlie will have stuff to deal with later that I need to put off for now, but do expect her to get a good moment along with the rest of the squad. Also yes platonic Nestlin for life! They'd be an awesome ship, but as siblings they're a winning combo. Eris look out Nesta now has an older brother to keep an eye on ya once you're official!

Don't ever worry about long questions anon, I live for comments and asks and any attention so I'm absolutely delighted that you sent me this and so grateful you love my silly fix it fic! Thanks so much and I hope I've answered your question! 💙

[fredrickzoller]

Mine headcanons to them:

Dieter is a proud misogynist. Like he HATES women guts. Chile he would be happy if us just disappear from Earth forever lol. Especially if womens next to Landa. But he never admit this.

Dieter is the one who has a big trouble inside him-internalised homophobia torture him and Hans always playing on this painful topic for him

Dieter is homophobic gay, Hans is chill bisexual

Hans somewhere can admit he cares about Dieter, Hellstrom? Hell, never !!!!!

But at the same time Dieter is very Vulnerable when he not trying to act tought

Landa always gives him a pet names and Dieter acts like he hates this(he lives for this low-key….)

Hans will always humiliate and mock Dieter about everything related to him, including his work, but he will do everything in his power to ensure that Dieter gets a promotion.

They both an assholes who breaks ups(if we call what they have a relationship) 2836271910101 times but always come back to each other’s bc they already dependent on each other and emotions that only they can give each other

they belong to each other’s more than they belong to hell.

💔

Heehee! I see I must've influenced your headcanons a great deal (or we just think very much alike)! This is just me answering certain points in your list hear and rambling about my thoughts, hope that's okay! Dieter hates women so much. Naziism in general is so deeply misogynistic but he has even more piled on top of that in my hc's for him, due to his relationship with his mom and his perception of his parents' (mom and biological dad, then his mom and stepdad) relationship. He acts like he views his sister through a different lens but it's still very steeped in "I, your older brother (a man) know what's best for you." I feel like Hans admitting he cares is very much more like... well, it's more like, he knows exactly what will keep Dieter tied to him and i don't think it's inherently false, his need/want, but there's definitely the idea that he will get what he wants out of saying he "cares". Dieter's way of admitting it is being possessive and jealous, lol. I do actually have a "break-up" planned for them (as much as that's possible)! And it's like honestly the way I've written them they don't even consider themselves "together" for the first uh 6+ years so much as just conveniently hooking up. And this changes with the fic Der klaren Sterne (the one that centers around Hans visiting Dieter and his family over the holidays). I write Hans as, even from the beginning, being endlessly intrigued by what this arrangement with Dieter can offer him. Dieter on the other hand has no choice lol (well i guess to some extent he does but) but considering the trauma I've put him through, he'll deal with Hans (and especially all the sex they have) any day compared to what he's experienced with other men. I have so much good dialogue written with them that I haven't posted yet, that's like... they're terrible at communicating with each other but as the reader it expresses so much (and I think Hans at least is very capable at reading through the lines). You're right that Dieter becomes most vulnerable when he tries to be tough. Hans sees it... and loves it... but there does come a point too where he is also concerned and somewhat like... he really sees how deeply set in his ways Dieter is. For as much as Hans can manipulate him, certain things he can't change and it's like oh. 😬 The only ones I would say I differ on is Hans being "chill" re: sexuality because I do write him as EXTREMELY homophobic in the sense that he's like "omg Dieter why would you WANT to be gay, just fuck women hello they're so 🤤🤤🤤!" like he has no respect for people being mono-sexual, be it gay, lesbian or straight (i write him like this towards Francesca as well in the fics she appears in, since I hc as a lesbian. Like in the Retail AU he's just like all "uh she's too pretty to be gay and she just hasn't tried me yet 🙄") and it's like he's not even bisexual so much as opportunistic. lmao i hate him.

[amporella]

hi! this is mpreg anon from a few months back lol. i just wanted to say i finally got to reading the fic and im sooo!!!!! sobbing and crying, a puddle of love on the floor! you were right. i Know now why you talked about it often.

i really love holly's stankyle. theres something about them that feels very.. desperate? like they know they belong together and sometimes not even physical touch can satiate that need/want?? idk! but agh! i love them sm. holly is also really good at capturing the overall weirdness of south park and thats why she can come up with aus/ideas that are weird or silly and make them work. i also really appreciate that she went for kinks/tropes that not many people give style.

something else i really loved about this fic was that it felt very like.. omg a dream come true in a way? sometimes i just wanna read a fic where stan and kyle do fuck all all day, just real type of normal maybe even domestic shit and its just them. and this fic came pretty close to that? they are so wrapped up in each other and have so much love to give and g OD i thought the baby was gonna come in and ruin that or like i was gonna get annoyed w the baby but no!!! 😭 i was so neutral about elway in the beginning and was actually loving how kyle was thinking/approaching the whole thing. idek when that started changing?? before they talk about the name elway though. and when she was finally born and the days kyle spent fighting to get her?!! and then he gets her and its the three of them and its like.. yeah.. okay, she's perfect. she really is a miracle stan and kyle created and theres no way she could ever come between them bc stan and kyle's love is endless, its forever and ever, they can share that love with their child 🤧

as for creek, hmm. i think craig and tweek just arent characters i've seen holly write for and like? so even though they are/were together i just didnt rly care for them u_u. im really glad i started finally reading fic where theyre not together in style fics though. it still hurts a bit lmao but ive been enjoying some stories i had passed on before and stuff and yeah, ty for giving me that little push >w<!!!

sorry this ask is so long! i didnt want to bother you every time i finished a chapter lol. i was also going through some stuff and this fic was the only thing keeping me sane. and actually i have just the epilogue left but im so sad its gonna be over after that so i've been delaying it :(! but yeah, aahhhh herbert garrison's night school for unwed fathers enjoyer 🫡 TY! 💙💚

YOU HAVE NOOOO IDEA HOW HAPPY I AM THAT YOU READ THE FIC AND SENT ME THIS AMAZING ASK??? I saw this in my inbox and immediately went to my friends and like BRAGGED ABOUT GETTING THIS? I'm going to respond to every part so bear with me but in the meantime THANK YOU!!!

I think you are so so right about them being desperate... it is key for stanky that regardless of how close they get physically, it's like it'll never be enough? Like they are soulmates in every sense of the word, and can never actually satiate their pull... SIGH!!!! IT'S TRUE!!! And holly's ability to nail absurdity is absolutely one of her strongest suits, and something that definitely contributed to how iconic she is. South Park is an absurd show, and holly meets it with such absurdity that Stan and Kyle can stay perfectly in character, because so many of her plots are something that could legitimately BE a South Park episode involving the characters when they're older. Like, Craig and Clyde fucking in the Marsh shed and Craig telling Sheila Kyle needs a psych eval? A+, can and will happen at some point. It's so ridiculous yet somehow believable, and the mpreg fic is literally the BEST example of it. It's a concept that's frankly a huge turnoff for a lot of people (understandably), but she puts it in such a light that she makes it appealing for a ton of people. It's one of those fics that i would recommend even to the most vehement mpreg hater, because there IS something about it that differentiates it from typical fics like that.

AND DESCRIBING IT AS A DREAM COME TRUE IS SO CORRECT? Everything you said in that third paragraph specifically was so fucking real. The fic starts off as such an absolute disaster situation, and despite the multiple disasters along the way, you can absolutely tell that it was like fate in a way? Holly does an incredible job of balancing the understandable stress with the joy and all the happy moments, as well as acknowledging the fact that in the end, Elway seriously did enrich both of their lives. I LOVE THAT YOU POINTED OUT HOW YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT THE BABY COMING BETWEEN THEM... because it's true!!! It's such a real concern, but she is so good about wrapping it up; the scenes after Kyle gets Elway feel like a dream sequence in how floaty and happy everyone is, and while reading it I was like (as someone who does not want kids), huh. Maybe I need to have a baby? LOLL but seriously you are so right. It IS endless and now they have even more love to go around because of Elway... whatever. WHATEVER!! I'm not even crying. I'm NORMAL!!!!

I totally get your feelings about creek!! I ended up feeling kind of similarly. I'm happy you started expanding your horizons!!! There's nothing wrong with sticking with exclusively creek fic, obv, but there are some real gems out there if you're able to push some of the icks to the side. And maybe you'll even figure out a new ship you like? I remember that I was afraid to read Other People's Tupperware at first because Tweek is literally dead, and Craig hooks up with Kenny? But then I decided to read it (and felt neutral about it!) and it was valuable to me. And then when I read it a few years later, I really loved it. It got me thinking that first time!!! I'M HAPPY I COULD HELP GIVE YOU THAT PUSH!!!

Talking about holly (or any other fic) to me will NEVER bother me so pls feel free to do so!!!! I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE EPILOGUE!! It is sweet and so delightful. AND PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF I CAN EVER GIVE YOU ANY OTHER SUGGESTIONS!!

Thank you SOO much for this ask!! It seriously made my day.

[suitsusboth]

Hey again, it’s the love light gleams anon! Omg I loved, loved, loved yesterday’s update. It was soo in-keeping with the Evie/Beckett dynamic when she first arrives at the cabin and he’s desperately wanting to kiss her, hold her, ask her to stay forever. Your chapter had that pining, yearning, emotionally repressed combination of Anthony and Beckett down so well! Would you ever consider writing a future chapter from Anthony’s POV or swapping perspectives? I’m super curious what he was thinking when poor Kate was self-doubting thinking she made him uncomfortable and that he doesn’t return her feelings!

Also, Kate’s ideas for the farms are so great! Reminds me of some of the farms I’ve visited in upstate NY and New Hampshire that have all these seasonal related activities such as apple-picking, bakeries selling apple-cider, apple cider donuts and apple pies etc, pumpkin patches and hay bale mazes. Then of course the Christmassy things for Winter. Cute baby goats for everyone! Lol now I’m getting carried away. But thanks again for the new chapter, you captured so well how there are so many things Anthony wants but doesn’t feel he can ask for. I’m so glad he has Eggnog to keep him company until Kate can return to Aubrey!!

PS ketchup on eggs is absolutely horrific! I’m with you and Ant there. So excited about Kate’s return to the farm and hoping for another Michael cameo!! 💕

hi hi hiii!

i'm glad you enjoyed it!

it's been interesting trying to meld them sort of, but i still want them to feel like kate and anthony. they are definitely different from their canon counterparts but hopefully you see them peek through. anthony is grumpy just like beckett and he's certainly not as wound up as canon anthony but he has that melancholy vibe still. family comes first to him still (he still thinks he knows best, but in a modern!verse he's been put in his place a bit more). love and loss still terrify him. and he's the nicest man in england aubrey (even though he grumbles most of the time). he's going to be different from beckett in a few ways -- he doesn't suffer from aversion of too much noise, but he doesn't like bit sudden noises (you find out why later).

kate i feel like i haven't quite hit the mark with. i don't think she's too similar to evie other than being burnt out at her job (which is fine with me tbh). she doesn't have the need to go anywhere -- that's why her trips such a big deal. she's be content to live her life in the same place, doing the same things for almost a decade. she's not a risk taker, she's not impulsive, she avoids change. i just don't know if i've captured her voice. idk.

as for a POV change i'm thinking about it, orrrr i'm just going to write a one shot from anthony's pov what he thought all through december. yet to decide. but i do know he's just met the most stunning girl who looked so alive on that empty street, who seems to be attracted to him too, who fits in with his friends/family, and is thoughtful and kind. snag is, she's only here for a weekend and his house is her only refuge. what creep makes a move on a girl when she's all alone in a place she doesn't know, a little tipsy and too late to go anywhere else if she's uncomfortable? could never be him. besides, it's not like she's going to visit again anytime soon. ;)

don't we all just want a little life on an idyllic farm? sign me up.

tbh i know anthony is more of a cat guy but i just saw that pic of the dog i used for the moodboard and had to incorporate it.

michael will be back a few times in this fic, so no worries there ;)

[bumblebeeenby]

Tag 9 people you want to get to know better!

I was tagged by @flockofcrowsinatrenchcoat! Thanks for tagging me! I haven't done one of these in years omg :,)

Currently reading:

Not reading any ongoing fic right now, but I intend to read I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy soon. I got it for Christmas from a friend. Also, I have a bunch of Discworld books on my shelf I need to finish ahhhhh 😭. I think the last book I finished was Johannes Cabal the Necromancer. A friend lent it to me and I put off reading and returning it for agessss. I enjoyed it, though the prose style was hard to get used to for me...

Favorite color:

Anything on the spectrum from red-orange to yellow-green. Just, any color that could be on an autumn leaf. That said I don't really like the idea of having a favorite color. Every color is wonderful in its own way, and there's no such thing as a bad one!

Last song:

I'm always coming back to everything by The Oh Hellos, and the last song I listened to was Second Child, Restless Child. The Morro vibes in the lyrics are :)))

Last movie:

My gf puts on a lot of horror movies as background noise, but I think the last thing we actually watched was Glass Onion! Good stuff!

Sweet/spicy/savory:

I prefer spicy and savory things over sweet stuff. As much as I love sweets and baking cookies, I can't actually handle much sugar before I get sick from it. Maybe two cookies a day, tops and I'm at my limit. Spicy stuff though? I can eat it forever. My true love will always be tart/sour flavors though. Anything with lemon in it is my jam, and I prefer unripe berries to sweet ones.

Currently working on:

Too Weird to Live, Too Rare to Die! It's a Morro-centric fic I started way back in February of 2021 (holy crap it's been two years). I stopped writing for a long while (personal stuff) and now am back to writing. I'm in the process of heavy-editing the final four chapters and moving into line editing! It's a big learning experience. In the past, I never had the willpower to actually finish any of my writing ideas. I'd get too intimidated by ENDING them and move on to something else. Because of this, I have plenty of experience writing beginnings to stories, and the middle, but I've never had to actually tie everything up before.

This time I'm determined to finish, and I'm also making an illustration for the final chapter! I've envisioned the ending since I started writing it, and I'm so excited to share it with everyone!

Tagging:

ahhhhhh I'd tag dontlookforme00 but they've already done this! How about: @rottedsoulx @l0on @un-pearable and @destinymanticor

Idk who else I should tag I don't want to bother too many people! don't look at me! ԅ[ •́ ﹏├┬┴┬┴

[ryansjane]

youtube anon here!! omg thank you!! sorry im so late with this i was busy bc deepavali + wanted to make sure id thought of everything to ask ahsjdjdkf and ofc if you decide not to reply to this i understand as well, so really no pressure at all, okay? 😊 what software do you use to edit your videos? what made you decide to start making videos? do your videos get taken down bc of copyright? how do you deal if/when that happens? what are some of your favourite kinds of videos to make, and why? how long do you usually spend on a video (idea conception, filming, editing etc)? and since i know you from this blog, even before you started making videos: do you have any advice about putting out content in fandom? bc you make gifs + write + make videos and like. idk im just wondering if you ever feel shy about posting? (not that you should bc for real everything you put out is great- including all the off pictures you keep posting… thank you for that btw i dont have social media so thats the only way i get to see his beautiful face) i guess it sounds stupid but IM really really shy and the thought of putting anything out there for anyone at all to see makes me want to hide forever sdjfhskjg but like. i kinda want to make video edits too. mostly for myself as like a visual journal thing? like its a personal project. but i thought okay since im putting in so much effort why not share it with other people too? and id love if people discovered new music + shows bc of me yknow? but yeah anyway like. how do you deal with it if you ever feel that way? thats all i can think of for now, wow this got LONG. i hope its not too much rip. and again thank you for letting me ask you these questions ❤️

hi, OOF you really had QUESTIONS lmaooooo

I use the free software shortcut to edit my videos. I hate it & it's very slow which makes my already least favorite part of the video making, editing, even worse (:

I decided to start making videos bc 1) I saw a gap in the youtube market where people who talked about bl either did reactions or short analyses without showing their faces. 2) there were many topics that were easier to tackle in a longer video than a blog post. 3) if I were to be able to make a living off of youtube (which will not happen but wish I had known that then lol) it would solve most of my problems & allow me to combine pretty much all of my interests at once.

my videos ABSOLUTELY get taken down bc of copyright, if you look through my community page I've talked about that many times.

when that happens, I always appeal but most of the time it doesn't work, which means I spent 30+ hours MINIMUM on something that will never see the light of day (: it's in big part why I'm switching to thailand focused content instead of thai series content tbh, it was very heavy on my mental health for a hobby that takes so many hours out of me every week. not worth it.

my favorite kinds of videos to film are definitely my ranking ones or reaction ones bc they demand very little preparation & scripting and are just about me rambling for 2 hours, but my ranking ones take FOREVER to edit so on that part any non scripted video is the worst haha

the time spent on a video really depends, but usually the writing of a video takes me between 3 to 6 hours, the filming takes me 2 hours & the editing takes me a good 20 hours (funny bc I hate editing so much lmaooooo.) but some videos have only taken me 10 hours (short reactions), while others have taken me well above 50 (longer commentary ones.)

about putting out content in fandom, you're right in saying that I've basically done every kind of content LMAO. honestly the faceless one like giffing, writing fics, making fanvids, etc. is easy? like it needs to come from a drive of wanting to do it but bc your personal image isn't really attached to it, I feel like the trial & error is easier? if you wanna stop tomorrow no one will really care? but when I started making videos that demand significantly more time & that have my face clearly attached to it, that's when the doubts started creeping in. I never feel shy bc I just haven't been shy in a while, but I do feel ashamed to talk to irl people about my videos bc they aren't successful & I've invested over 2 years of my life in them so it's just kinda pathetic LMAO. but about you being shy, you can focus on the fact that it's the internet? like if you really don't want anyone to know it's your fanvids, create a new username & post them under it, bc then literally NO ONE will know it's you. to be honest it's taken me years but I've gotten rid of the notion of "cringe" and "embarrassment" out of my vocabulary. just do what makes you happy bc people will hate on you no matter what. I just know I personally want to live my life authentically & not filter it just so MAYBE I'm not as hated. so yeah, I hope you DO get to create the fanvids you want & good luck with that! thanks for the support as well, it means a lot <3

xxx

[jerzwriter]

25, 29 and 35 from the Questions for Fanfiction Writers!

Hey D! 💕💕 Thanks so much for the asks love!

From this list.

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

Many of the ideas for my fics come from random daydreams that pop out of nowhere. Once they happen, and the dialogue starts, POW there is a story. It's really cool!

Let's take DTI - I have ideas in my head about what happens to the characters after. I took some of those ideas for Tobias & Casey and melded them into their headcanon. I'd like to do that with Ethan too, but I'm not fully sure how yet.

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

I already answered this here, but I can expand a bit. I know I have this angsty rep, I get it. LOL But the truth is, writing some of the darker ideas (Forever, See You Again, When the Bough Break) was very difficult for me on many levels. I don't love breaking hearts, but I love exploring emotion. I don't like "destroying characters" (cough) but I like forcing their growth. It's wasn't easy to do, but I'm glad I did it because I think some of my heartbreak pieces are my best of all.

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

OMG GIRL you know I could ramble about this for ages! lol

But, what I'm going to ramble about is the fandom itself. I was so naive when I arrived here, and I didn't know about some of the ugly underbellies of fandom life. Ideally, this should be a place where we come to share our love and build one another up, but sadly, that's often not the case.

In many ways, it's just a microcosm of the world. I wish there was more understanding, more kindness, and more giving people the benefit of the doubt. I wish people wouldn't infer so much and I wouldn't be in such a rush to assume the worst about others. Some of the shit I have seen in this past year still blows my mind. And I'll admit, I've done some of the things I'm rambling about here myself.

After being attacked viciously earlier this year, I felt the need to protect myself. Cowards that hide behind anons and burner blogs can really get into your head. You begin to wonder who is pretending to be a friend and stabbing you in the back. Because of that, I've probably, no, I have definitely hurt some people's feelings and I feel horrible about that.

I decided not to do that anymore, I'm here to write, read and, when I'm lucky, meet some wonderful people and make some new friends along the way. I'm not going to whip myself into a froth over an imaginary slight. If I get another cruel anon or another attack, and, sadly, I now realize it's only a matter of time before it happens, I try not to sit around wondering who. I try not to fixate on it. In the end, it does more harm than good. I'm not a fool. If I know someone has hurt me, that's one thing, but if I'm speculating - I'd rather give someone who has been cruel the benefit of the doubt than potentially hurt someone who has not done anything wrong. I don't want to become the monster to protect myself from the monster - if that makes sense.

Not exactly fic related, but fandom-related, and something on my mind quite a bit lately. I wish everyone would do better - but I can't expect others to if I don't myself. So, there is your ramble. lol (ANd it's a ramble because I'm TIRED right now. lol )

Thank you, dear!

[my-robot-heart]

Hi, Robot!

Your fics helped me a lot while I've been struggling with post-8x22 depression (which has been worse than any reaction I've ever had to the end of any other show I watched), so I was very excited when I saw that prompt list that you've reblogged, knowing that something fantastic was going to come out of it. And I was right: the prompts-inspired ficlets you've written today have been an absolute joy to read for me, especially the one I requested and the ones melbob and Pumpkin did)

(Besides, I found out that I absolutely adore drunk Red, whether he's hilariously boisterous or quietly pensive, and would actually like to see more of that side of him)

I'd like to end this ask with another prompt of mine – or, rather, an idea that came to me while I reread the list – but don't feel obliged to write it if you don't have enough time/inspiration.

The prompt I'm talking about is "i didn’t mean the things i said."

And the idea is that during one of her angry episodes Liz had thrown a lot of hurtful words and accusations at Red, blamed him for everything bad that's ever happened in her life – you know, the usual stuff – etc. and Red took it all silently, without a single complaint or attempt to defend himself. Later, once she's cooled down and became capable of thinking straight again, Liz felt guilty for lashing out at Red like that (because, rationally, she understands that not all of the hell her life has been through is because of him) and came to his safe-house to apologize and reassure him that what she told him while she was angry is not how she feels about him – hence the prompt phrase above – but the problem is that Red thinks that she was right, to a certain extent, that he is to blame for most part of the pain and the loss she's experienced and that he would understand her if she hated him and didn't want him to meddle with her life any more than he's already did. To think of it, perhaps, after Liz stormed off Red decided that it would really be better for her if he kept his distance – even though it would probably kill him – so by the time Liz arrives to apologize Red is already packed up and ready to go, to leave her – well, to leave her side, because he would make sure she was alive and well and safe even from a distance – forever and it’s up to Liz to convince him that she actually wants just the opposite?

Oops... That got pretty long... But I've just pictured it all so clearly in my head the words poured out themselves.

Omg Di 😂😂👏👏 are you... sure you didn't already write this yourself like this is beautiful????

Haha. I read it a few times and it just got me right in the feels. How about a tiny ficlet that comes right at the end of what you've described, because I feel like you already put in the backstory and it's just perfect.

Ps this gif has nothing to do with the fic but it's a fave and let's just agree with Red for a sec that yes, shipping IS his bizness. Lol.

Liz arrived at the safe house, breathless and not quite knowing what she would say. All she knew is that she needed to apologize before- what? She didn't want to think too hard about what. She carefully typed in the combination Red had made her memorize for just such an occasion and- the door didn't open.

She wiped her sweaty palms on her pants and tried again. Still nothing. Okay she had one more chance to try and then the door and then it would alert Red that someone was trying to break in.

She typed in the numbers slowly. It didn't work. Shit.

She was just trying to decide if she should grab her phone or her gun when the door opened from the inside. Red was standing there, holding his gun.

"Lizzie- what?!" He hurriedly replaced the gun in his holster and typed a code into the lock. Then he ushered her inside.

"Sorry Red, the code wasn't working and I-" her eyes came to rest on a large piece of luggage. She looked from that to him. He-- he was... leaving?

"Yes I know the code wasn't working. I changed it before I left." He sounded tired.

"L-left? Red where were you going? And why didn't you-"

His face fell and she remembered why she'd come. What she'd said. And how she'd stormed off, declaring that she would have been happier if she'd never met his meddling, catastrophe bringing self. I wish I'd never met you. Those had been her exact words. Oh god. Oh no. But- he had to have known, hadn't he? He must have understood that this was just something she said when she was upset, but it wasn't how she actually felt. Oh god, he didn't know. He thought she meant it. And now he was-

"Oh no. Red, I- can we sit down?" She sounded desperate, even to herself. He saw this, and after hesitating he gestured to her to take a seat on one of the chairs. He sat on another.

"It's fine, Lizzie-" he began, and his voice was full of resignation. "There's no need to explain."

"Yes there is. There is a need to explain," she protested, trying to calm down and speak clearly.

"Elizabeth," he said then, and the use of her full name brought with it a sense of finality that scared her. "It's okay. You were right. About everything. I'm... a danger in your life. I never should have tried to have such an active part in it. I should have - I will be better able to keep you safe... from a distance. Dembe has the jet ready to leave this morning. Cooper had already been notified. He'll be able to reach me by phone, if needed. But otherwise- I will leave your life just as quickly as I entered it. And I promise, I swear, that you won't have to worry about my meddling or putting you in danger, because that's- well it's the last thing I ever wanted."

She watched as he tried to keep his expression neutral, but she saw the flash of pain in his eyes before he hid it, and her heart nearly broke.

"But that's- it's not what I want," she said softly. "I came here to apologize. And to- tell you something. Will you let me do that?"

He glanced at the time, before inclining his head for her to continue.

"First of all," she began slowly, "I don't- hate you. And when I said I wished I'd never met you, well- that wasn't true either. I know it's hard for you to believe, especially when I've said some... horrible things. But- I was just angry, Red. I was frustrated and scared and... I took it out on you. But the truth is..."

Here she swallowed nervously, wishing she'd had something to drink or hold, to distract her from.how her fingers appeared to be trembling. She clasped her hands together to try to stop it.

"The truth is," she said slightly more confidently, "You are the most infuriating, conceited, pretentious, annoyingly almost always right, beautiful, incredible, amazing man I have ever met. And the thought of you leaving because I didn't have the courage to tell you how I felt about you, how I've always felt about you, makes me want to-to- do this," and she got up from her seat and joined him on his, without thinking too much or too long, and kissed him.

She kissed him for a long time. At first, she felt him freeze beneath her, and she worried she might have gravely misjudged the situation. He'd been ready to leave, she remembered with worry. Maybe he didn't want her to-

But then. Then he responded. She felt his hands come up to the sides of her face, fingers lacing through the hair at the back of her head. She felt him relax and give in to what was happening, his mouth letting her in and responding in kind.

And she knew. She knew that she'd been right. About everything.

After a long moment she pulled away slightly, momentarily distracted by the patterns he was gently tracing along her spine. She let out a small sigh, and he stopped, regarding her carefully.

"Maybe-" she began, hesitantly, and he placed a kiss along her hairline.

"Yes, Lizzie?" He breathed.

"Maybe you should text Dembe and let him know you won't be needing the jet today."

He smiled.

[myownworstenemyyy]

Congrats on your milestone!!!🎉🎉🎉I really have loved getting to see your blog grow! Since this is a celebration, the only thing I can offer is an idea that has been swimming in my head since forever. AND I know if you do it you will do it justice and make it amazing with your lovely brain. So with that being said: 🎶 + Din + Wicked Game (I've been obsessed with James Vincent McMorrow's version, but all of them are *chef's kiss*) Love you, your face, and your writing😘💖 CONGRATS AGAIN!!! 🎉✨😊

thanks so much, doll! and omg this SONG 😩👌 i never knew how badly i needed it in my life lol i hope you like the fic it inspired me to write (i apologize for any pain this one may cause 😅). thanks for requesting! 💜 

warnings: mentions of blood/injury ; death (descriptions of dying) ; Angst™; back at it again with a cliché last line ; idk how to refer to Greef Karga so I call him Greef here, please don’t @/ me

ship: Din Djarin x Reader

masterlist | tag lists

Wicked Game

Din always knew his life would be a short one—that Mandalorians don’t exactly have the luxury of growing old and living a full life. He accepted the fate his creed bestowed upon him long ago, but he never realized how painful it would be.

Not physically—in fact, he can hardly feel anything as he lies against the giant slab of duracrete in what’s left of the cantina. Right now, his pain cuts far deeper than physical. He feels it in his very bones, this soulful ache for something that he knows will never be. 

Among the fallen rubble and blaster fire, he barely registers a light pressure on his hand, his fingers beginning to go numb. Your face—stained with soot and dried blood—comes into view and it takes everything in him not to sob out your name, knowing it may be the last time he has the honor of voicing such a sweet sound. 

“I’m here, Din. I’m not gonna leave you. I...I know you’re in pain, but do you think you have the strength to move?” you ask in a desperate voice, your eyes wide and glossy—either from the smoke in the air or from your own emotions getting the best of you, he’s not sure.

“C-cyar’ika,” he whispers, but a thick warmth gets caught in his throat and he falls into a coughing fit, the sharp taste of iron confirming what he already knew to be true. 

Blood is filling his lungs and he knows he doesn’t have much time left. 

“Don’t try to speak. Save your energy,” you rush out, swallowing hard and nodding your head as if you’re answering for him. You look over to Cara and Greef as they watch your exchange with matching, sorrowful expressions. 

“We have to carry him out, he can’t move,” you reach for the child standing at Din’s feet, the little one completely focused on the man who’s cared for and protected him with his own life. Din’s fingers twitch with a longing to comfort the little one, but it’s no use, the remnants of his strength waning by the second. 

Cara hesitates before moving forward, presumably to help lift Din to his feet and drag him to safety within the tunnels beneath them. But Din finds the will to subtly shake his head, signaling her to stop. It’s too late, he thinks to himself. Too much time has passed since Moff Gideon’s last assault and Din knows that it won’t be long before they’re under fire again. 

You look down at Din, your brows knitted together in confusion and anxiety, the child reaching out to him. “Y-you have to...go on without me. P-protect the child,” he croaks out, his breaths shallow and lungs burning with every intake of air. 

“No. I told you, I’m not leav–” you start to protest, hugging the child close to your chest when it makes a loud whimpering sound. Your bottom lip trembles and you pull it between your teeth. 

“The IG unit can stay with him, but we need to get the child out of here now,” Greef places a hand on your shoulder, but his eyes remain on the T of Din’s visor as he seems to say, I’ll make sure they’re safe.

The aforementioned droid comes into view and Din’s vision starts to blur, his ears ringing with a deafening pitch. The following moments of your exchange with Greef and Cara are difficult to comprehend as Din starts to pass out, but then he feels your hand in his again and he forces himself to stay awake. 

You don’t say anything as you lift his gloved hand to your cheek, tears streaming down your face. Oh, how he longs to feel your soft skin against his calloused hands. And though you can’t see his face because of the helmet covering his features, Din still tries to give you a reassuring smile.

“I’ll be r-right...behind you,” he lies through his teeth, a chill wracking his body. It won’t be much longer before he meets his Maker, but he doesn’t want you to have to witness his end.

He regrets a lot of things he’s done in his, what one might consider, wicked life—the lives he’s taken and the people he couldn’t save remaining at the forefront of his mind. But if he can spare you this...this trauma of watching him take his final breath, then he’ll do everything in his power to protect you from it.

You lean forward and press a kiss to the top of his helmet, right where his forehead would be, before resting your own against the cool metal. A Keldabe kiss. His chest aches beyond any physical means and it’s only then that he notices the moisture on his cheeks, spilling from his eyes. 

I’m so sorry, cyar’ika, if only we had more time, he wishes he could say, but he can barely hold his head up, let alone speak. The high pitch of the child’s cry reaches his ears and Din opens his eyes to find the little one touching the side of his helmet. Goodbye, my child, Din thinks as he finds the strength to reach up and lightly stroke behind the child’s ear one last time.

He hears you sniffle before whispering, “I love you,” your voice breaking. He can only just make out the gentle squeeze of your hand around his before you reluctantly let go as Cara ushers you away. 

Everything in existence seems to fade away after that, like you were his life force and now that you’re gone, he can’t hang on any longer. His breaths become uneven as fluid fills his lungs. At his side, IG-11 injects something into Din’s arm, but he doesn’t understand what the droid is saying—something along the lines of help with the pain and deep sleep.   

And as he becomes void of all senses but the memory of your hand in his, he embraces Death like an old friend.

Permanent tag list: @bestintheparsec @haildoodles @mandoandyodito @javier-djarin @readsalot73 @agentpike @aeryntheofficial @wickedfrsgrl @mrsparknuts @scarlettwitcher @buckysalefty @rosamedina92 @maxiarapamaya @promiscuoussatan @ah-callie @bluemoon-glen @pablopascal @littlemissthistle @waywardodysseys @thick-dick-din-daddy-djarin @thewaythisis @phoenixhalliwell @lovingtheway @petertingless @hiscyarika @pascalisthepunkest @mrpascals @sergeantbannerbarnes @mrschiltoncat @cyaredindjarin @destucky45 @getinthepoolkeanu @petrelliforcongress @gooddaykate @mistermiraclee @roxypeanut @watsonwise @demigod-dragonrider-schoolidol @tiffdawg @floweronthegrave @cryptkeepersoul @soldade @jaime1110 @ahopelessromanticwritersworld @themandjalorian @longitud-de-onda @walkerchick007 @shinyfranci @arrowswithwifi @24kgolden @triggerhappyflyboyy @blushingwueen @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @thinemineours @and-i-swear-we-are-infinte @ham4arrow @thisainttheway @katialvi @kristalhi @kimljn @mabelleen @auty-ren @frietiemelon @fanfiction-trashpile @sinnamon-bun @larakasser @miraelles @lackofhonor @jerusomeeno @liadamerondjarin @engineeredfuture @engineeredfiction @pascalesque @carringtonhill @mstgsmy @hayley-the-comet @the-wishmonger @clydesducktape @autumnleaves1991-blog

Character tag: @maxlorrd @no-droids-allowed @synystersilenceinblacknwhite @opheliaelysia @starlight-starwrites @lellaren-uodo-rian @anomiatartle @nerd-without-a-cause

[shozaii]

Hi! Congrats on 600🎉🎉 i'm very new around your blog and the fics i've read fron you are wonderful💕 i really love your writing and i hope your blog keeps growing! I was wondering if i could ask for number 17 with todoroki for the event please? Thank you so much!💗 i hope you have a lovely day/night and pls stay safe!💖✨

cliooooo!!🥺 thank you so so so much for the kind words omg i’m crying😭❤💕such a cute request!! literally when my moots request i have a stupid grin on my face UwU!!❤i really hope you’re doing well too! have a good day/night and stay safe! make sure to stay hydrated too! :33 mwah!🤍

♬♩♪♩　　♩♪♩♬ ♬♩♪♩　　♩♪♩♬

17.blue skies forever.

“why is it when i look at you, i run out of breath?”

“hm? what did you say, sho?” you asked, tilting your head in confusion. the slight smile in your face only made him ten times more flustered right in front of you - that was normal right...?

“nothing. i said nothing.”

“sho. you don’t look so good. is everything okay? you adjusted your clothing, now scooting yourself closer to him. it was a little habit of yours too, but you made sure to stop at a safe distance to get a better glimpse of him. “you called me out here to the same place we always go to. i’m guessing it’s something very important?”

“well....we always do come here for important stuff. um...it’s on a more serious importance, if i do say so myself.”

“i see. take your time, sho -,” placing your hand on his shoulder, you whipped it back, eyes wide as saucers. “you’re burning! do you need some water or anything? or is your quirk acting up?!”

“no, no! it’s just me being flustered.”

wait....did he just say that? in front of his crush? 

what the actual hell, shouto todoroki? care to explain your tomfoolery? he called himself out, slowly turning to face you.

“fluster...? shouto, why are you-,”

“i like you, that’s why.”

for the first time ever, after so many months of waiting, dancing through the time which was dangerously ticking just a little too quickly, going back and forth with hesitation, followed by self-control - you felt free. free, as in your feelings exploding into a whole new brink of joy and thrills. 

how could you resist the man right in front of you? when he was sitting right next to you, his dual-colored eyes now staring right at you, waiting for an answer. the response he was expecting should’ve been pretty heartbreaking for him, because you could already feel the way he slowly wanted to retort when you said nothing. nothing but silence, with your mouth slowly agape, breaths quickening.

“y/n. i apologize..... i didn’t mean to - but this is my first time doing this. midoriya sort of...? gave me the idea to confront you in this way. along with iida’s help. and surprisingly bakugou offered to help-,”

“sho! shouto. is this real?”

“well, you’re not dreaming, if that’s what you’re asking. this is all real. i don’t know if this is the right time for me to do so, only for you to not be afraid of me.”

“i’m never afraid of you, shouto. from the first day i met you, in the entrance exams i suppose?” you giggled softly, trying your best to hide your shy nature (to which you always seem to not execute well when it comes to him). “i always knew all you needed was a little more confrontation, a little more reassurance, and a little more affection.”

“and the affection came from you, if i do say so myself.”

“.....you do know there is a limit to how flustered i can get, r-right?”

“you see, y/n. i never see myself as smooth. but from what you’re telling me, i can say that whatever i’m saying is only the truth.” it was his turn to scoot closer, with him now completely facing you. “give me your hands.”

with you now facing him, you smiled softly, hands reaching out to his. it was a rough mixture of soft rose petals, combined with little rough patches on the corner of his palms from the constant usage of both his quirks - the right one being a little bit smoother compared to the left. 

“of course i’m not forcing you into committing anything with me. but these feelings are real - so real that it gets me up on my feet everyday. it puts me at ease, knowing that i’ve fallen for the right one. our classmates may say that i look pretty calm and stoic around you. i would have to completely disagree on that one. you always nail at looking your best, you wouldn’t even have to try, love.” he paused momentarily at the new nickname he had just called you, but shrugged just to continue.

“i just feel like - from now on, with you - there’s just going to be blue skies forever.”

even you couldn’t exactly explain the tear now streaming down your cheek, but you knew that this seals everything. from the first day, to the endless conversations, to the letters you sent each other. nothing about love, but you knew they were some form of it.

with a hug, you exhaled a soft “yes”, as he wrapped his arms around you, burying his head into your shoulder.

♬♩♪♩　　♩♪♩♬ ♬♩♪♩　　♩♪♩♬

(a/n): UWU MY BABYYYYY!! thank you so so much for giving me this combination omg..... i absolutely adore him and oh god, i think this says it all kksjdnkjdn🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺❤❤❤❤❤ 

lyric prompt galore!✨

[jayflrt]

*inhale* *exhale* *slowly kneels* ALICE PLEASE BLOODLUST WAS SO GOO D IM NOR OKAU HOW DID YOU ^(&*((#& ik i'm late and i'm: so sorry BUT HELLO HOW DO YOU WRITE LIKE THAT

the last line of every part was left such an impact each time and the whole thing was so foreboding (i've been sure abt this since arcanum but i swear you're so good at the horror/thriller genre all those one-liners that are left fully ingrained in my head and the plots how do you come up with these) and god i have so many favourite lines from this i'm gonna list them at the end of this wait*

AND THE PLOT TWIST WHAG WAS TJAT how and when and what and why did it take me three rereads to fully process even though he was off from the start (also WHY WERE THE VICTIMS THE MEMEBRS + KYUNGMIN NOO <//3)

*the birds throughout holy shit "they just sat there all day and observed the chaos." "hollow like bird bones." "the birds sang. mocking. ugly. loud." and ofc the teaser quote too; "someone was screaming. you didn’t realize until you had bolted all the way out of the school building that it was you."; "wide and unhinged, like someone had carved it in with a blade."; "a messy root in his chest, a manifestation of shadows branching out under his skin."; I'M SORRY I KNOW YOU DON'T NEED YOUR OWN WRITING SENT BACK TO YOU BUT I LOVE YOUR DESCRIPTIONS SM

anyways i will come back to send one of those unnecessarily long asks in time this was just me once again losing my mind over your talent and to thank you for the fic; i hope you're healthy and happy, stay safe and uh what else yes take breaks from work when you need (it's exam szn for us rn so i have realised how important breaks are) and hydrate and generally just take care !!

ps. here's the hug that comes with each ask because you deserve them all <3

// bloodlust spoilers*

SRIZAAA 😭💖 YOU ABSOLUTE ANGEL WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS oh my goddd you just made me so happy like the happiest person in the room im in rn??? and i think that’s saying a lot bc there's like 13843294 ppl in here 😭 AHHH HOW TO POCKET THIS MESSAGE AND CARRY IT WITH ME FOREVER 🤧 💕 im so touched rn oh my gosh 

“i swear you're so good at the horror/thriller genre all those one-liners that are left fully ingrained in my head and the plots” horror/thriller has always been one of my fav genres to write so you have nooo idea how much your words mean to me :(( 💛 AHH AND THE FACT THAT YOU PUT THE QUOTES YOU LIKED BELOW you want me to combust rn dont you 😔 i will combust in this library and melt into a puddle of fluff pls <//3

three rereads you mean you read my fic three times (that sounds like such a clarification on my part LMFAOO) but PLS sriza im crying from all this support and love from you 😭🤍 ALSO SORRY FOR MAKING THE MEMBERS + KYUNGMIN THE VICTIMS <//3 didn't throw riki in there tho 🙏 would’ve been absolutely foul of me

ALSO IM SO HAPPY U NOTICED THE REPETITION WITH THE BIRDS !! i went back to check each line with the birds actually haha i wanted to see how haunting it got as the story progressed :’’) ALSO NOO I LOVE IT BEING SENT TO ME AND SEEING WHAT PARTS YOU LIKED 🥺 IT MAKES ME SO SO HAPPY OMG i appreciate you taking the time to do so !! 💞 

i love seeing you in my inbox angel so ill be waiting for that next time !! again, thank you sm !! im so grateful 😭 i hope you’re doing well and taking care of yourself as well ♡ it’s midterm szn rn for me so we both will have to be putting in those study hours for a while 🤧 good luck on your exams and make sure to eat well and drink water !! 

i will return the hug 🫂