#non-soa

[yourdailyqueer]

Soa de Muse

Gender: Non binary (unsure of pronouns)

Sexuality: Queer

DOB: 31 January 1989  

Ethnicity: Afro Carribean (Martinique)

Nationality: French

Occupation: Drag artist, dancer, entertainer

[misguidedasgardian]

The Winter Sun (27)

27. Home

MASTERLIST

Summary: The aftermath

Pairing: Cregan Stark x Fem!Targaryen Reader 

Warnings: Cursing, medieval and asoiaf customs, AGE GAP, Cregan is 12 years OLDER than reader), arranged marriage, breastfeeding and t*tty milk, a little angst, but fluff, mentions of past abuse and non-con, dealing with trauma, might miss some warnings

+18, MINORS DNI

Wordcount: 2.6 k

Notes: Did you liked the name? Jonaerys? i don't like to think it reminds me of Jon Snow ... but I LOVE the name Jacaerys, it sounds so cool so I wanted his name to sound like that... so I made one up jiji

You couldn’t feed your child.

Your milk never came, you guessed because of the fear, the tension, the pain, the sorrow of thinking you had lost your husband and love of your life

But in the middle of the night, you felt something strange, something wet, and it really felt like a dam had broken, releasing yourself.

Jonaerys cried and you felt how the milk flowed from your breasts, waking you up in the middle of the night.

It was some sort of miracle

You looked at a sleepy Cregan who was just woken up just like you

You felt safe now, you were safe, and your body knew it. You stood up and grabbed Jonaerys, and released your breast.

He clung to you in a second, feeding from you hungrily, you wouldn’t have to call the midwife. You almost cried with happiness

“You are feeding him”, Cregan whispered, kissing your naked shoulder, holding you by your back for you to relax against him, like he used to do when you just had Rickon

it felt so nice, so familiar, to have Cregan hold you as you fed your son against you, it felt like nothing had happened, oh how you wished that was true… That nothing happened to you, that you didn’t have the need to doubt your son’s paternity.

But this was the first step to recover from this, having Cregan holding you, with the love and devotion in his eyes that he always had, despite all the things Aemond did to you, his love for you didn’t change a bit, and that was your biggest lifeline right now.

You woke up the next morning with Cregan sitting in the bed, holding Jonaerys 

He was cuddling him against his neck, as he breathed his son in

“What are you doing?”, you asked, amused

“I’m trying to engrave our son’s smell in my mind”, he whispered, with a little smile, as he looked at you with those icy blues that made you feel so safe, “He has this distinct smell, just like Rickon”, he admitted, and you felt your heart jump in your chest, he was so sweet with his babies, he was such a great father

A couple of days had passed, and even though you were enjoying staying here in your home with your husband and child, you felt like a big part was missing

Rickon and Sara

You wanted to see them, you needed to see your son

Soa after much begging and an uncomfortable check up from the maester, Cregan and you were ready to leave the outskirts from Runestone. You had said goodbye to all the servants and guards that had kept you safe, and were living in your home, keeping it alive, it was very sentimental… But there was only one thing in your mind, and it was seeing your son. 

You could tell that Cregan was nervous, he had flied in your dragon before, but never with his newborn son in his arms, you smiled at him as you help him place Jonaerys in a sort of sling, that was tied to his chest, back and over his arms, the safest place your baby could be

Jonaerys was sleeping, cuddled against his father’s chest, unaware of his surroundings and his father’s nervousness

You exited the castle, and you found it strange that Vhaelar was not there to greet you, you guessed she was in her cave, which wasn’t odd, so you walked ahead to find her

She was coiled on herself on the biggest cave near the castle, she could feel you walking towards her, so she raised her head and cooed at you softly

“rytsa konīr” [Hello there], you greeted, she roared softly, raising from the ground, and you could feel the heat coming from a special spot under her.

Was that…?

You walked towards it, and you found it, a fresh nest, still smoking

“ao ilagontan iā dorolvie hen drōma”, [you laid a clutch of eggs], Vhaelar cooed softly, sounding so proud of herself. 

You took the eggs softly, two eggs, for your two children

You needed to be fast, and fly North to place them on heating chambers

“ivestragī's jikagon lenton”, [Let’s go home], you said to her

The fly was too long for your taste, you would be able to get to Winterfell before the day’s end, but it couldn’t come fast enough

Your bag was burning with both eggs, and you heart was soaring with the prospect of seeing your child again

Vhaelar felt your nervousness and was determined to please you, you could tell that she was flying as fast as she could

You had to stop along the way, Jonaerys got fuzzy, and you admired your baby for how strong he was. 

But he was a newborn, so he quickly fell asleep again. Cregan cradled him against him, it was funny because he was being so protective over his pup, it was a face of him you really really loved. 

And finally you saw Winterfell’s towers an hour before the sun sets

Vhaelar landed heavily, she was tired, and you will compensate her for her efforts soon, but first.

You ran towards the gates which were already opened, waiting for you. 

You crossed the first gate and the bridge, and then you could see your home

Your home, Winterfell

A place for a fleeting couple of weeks you believed you were never going to see again.

Sara came outside the castle to greet you, she was so happy and relieved

The people gathered to receive you, they all seemed happy and relieved, they wanted to see their Lord, and their Lady

“I’m so glad you are alright!”, she hugged you tightly, because Cregan had Jonaerys in his arms, you hugged her back, she held you tight against her, and when she finally released you, she had tears in her eyes

And then she turned to Cregan, being clearly distracted by the bundle in his arms

“Oh, I have another nephew!”, she giggled widely, watching your baby’s face, “he looks just like you”, she said, looking back at you. Sara hugged Cregan tightly, trying not to crush his son

Cregan and you greeted all the people that were there, that had come to receive you, his master at arms, the maester of Winterfell, Thelma!

She cooed at Jonaerys in his father’s arms

“He is kissed by snow”, she said sweetly, “just like his mama!”

She hugged you both, and guided you inside the castle

You went directly to your room, you wanted to place JOnaerys in his own crib and also you needed to put the eggs by the fire.

Sara left you in your rooms, while she went to get your son, you were so nervous you couldn’t wait.

“We are home”, Cregan said, looking at you and the eggs nervously

“We are home”, you said back, with unshed tears in your eyes. “And we are going to see out child”

“Our baby boy”, he whispered with a proud smile on his face

You placed both eggs by the fire, one was dark blue with black markings, and the other was red with the same dark markings. You hoped they hatched, you thought the blue one for Rickon, and the Red one for Jonaerys

You were so excited to see Rickon, and when Sara came back, she had him in her arms… she had your son

You gasped, he had grown so much, you left a baby and you came back to a small child

“Look who it is!”, Sara said, pointing at you, Rickon turned to look at you, his purple eyes so striking, “mama and papa”

You wanted to walk towards him and hold him, Cregan, who was still holding Jonaerys, wanted that too, but Rickon’s frowned face didn’t let you.

He didn’t know who you where

It broke your heart

He didn’t reach for you

You whined in pain, as Rickon cuddled against Sara’s chest, not recognizing you, hiding from you, You felt Cregan surrounding you with one of his arms

“He doesn't know who we are”, you cried

“It will take a while”, whispered Cregan against your temple, “but he will take to us again”. He dropped a comforting kiss, as bitter tears fell down your eyes, your heart a little broken. You could tell that Cregan was containing himself too.

Then Jonaerys cried in Cregan’s arms, and that seemed to catch Rickon’s attention, he looked towards you, and he threw his little arms at you

In a daze of happiness you picked him up in your arms, as Sara passed him on to you, but his sole attention was in the bundle in his father’s arms right next to you. He sort of used you to get to him.

He leaned into them, too see his baby brother who was whining, reaching out of the mantle you kept him in

“It’s your baby brother”, you whispered to your eldest son, and to your amazement, he seemed to recognize your voice, he looked up at you with his big purple Valyrian eyes, “hello my boy”, he then cuddled against your neck, grabbing into your vest with your chubby hands

You couldn’t help but cry with happiness as you held your son against you, you had missed him so much, you left here with a three-month old and came back to a one year old, Cregan placed himself right next to you, placing your children together, in a comforting family hug.

It was finally over, all of it, all of the pain…

You were safe again. 

You were home. 

For the next few days, you were cupped up in your room, with both your babies.

Cregan at first find it endearing, but as days passed he was starting to be concerned

You wouldn’t leave your rooms

You wouldn’t leave your children out of your sight

You wouldn’t even wanted to go to the great hall to eat

You barely let Sara see you

He understands what you went through, being separated from your baby, being kidnapped… being…

But as he gazed at you, you were playing with your sons, tickling them, kissing them, making funny noises. Rickon would giggle and play back, but Jonaerys barely could focus his eyes, he was too little yet

They were your precious babies, you didn’t wanted to left them even for a minute, the very thought of being away from them brought you physical pain

You didn’t wanted to be away front hem ever again

YOu felt Cregan looking at you with his lovey eyes, even though he also looked concerned

“Something happened?”, you asked softly

“No my love”, he said gently, entering the room, sitting by your side, and he looked at the babies

Rickon reached for him and Cregan took him in his arms

Rickon had recognize you as his parents, you could feel it, and he cuddled against his father’s chest 

“The people of Winterfell want to see their lady”, he said softly, “they want to see the future of the Kingdom of the North”, he implied, the babies

You felt a little guilty 

“I’m sorry”, you whispered, now you were worrying your husband

“You have nothing to be sorry for”, he said gently, “I just want to make sure you are alright, I know you believed you were never coming back, that perhaps you were never going to see Rickon again”

“Cregan”, you called, he looked down at you, as he was standing with Rickon in his arms, and you were sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“I will take the children to Sara for a while alright?”, he asked softly, and you could never deny something to those beautiful eyes

“Yes”, you said, You helped him palace Jonaerys in his other arm, and then, he exited the room with your children

You knew you had to face your demons when he came back, you instinctively looked at your wrists

And then is how Cregan found you, he took your hands gently, gazing down at you, and then he sat by your side

“What happened here?”, Cregan asks softly, caressing the red mark in your wrists. He feared the worst

“I…”, you didn’t want to tell him, you didn’t want him to treat you like the broken thing you were, “please”, you begged, but he leaned in and kissed the mark, both your wrists

“I need you to tell me, so I can help you move past this”, he whispered, looking into your eyes

“Aemond chained me…”, you confessed, “...to the bed, after I tried to kill him and almost succeed to plunge a dagger into his heart”, he only nodded, watching the marks, but you could see the pain in his eyes, “it was only for a couple of weeks because…”, you whispered, “he then told me you were dead so I wouldn’t even move so he released me”, it broke your heart when a single tear fell down his eye

“I’m so sorry”, he whispered, kneeling in front of you, kissing your wrists endlessly 

“This isn’t your fault, if anything, it was me, I went willingly…”, you didn’t even realize you were crying

“You were trying to save us all, and you did”, he said softly, “I can’t undo what he did, but I only can promise you that nobody will harm you ever again”, he promised, looking deep into your eyes, “do you believe me?”

“I do”, you said firmly

“Nobody will harm our children”, he said then, “we won”

“I know”, you said then, with a small smile

“He is paying for what he did”, eh said then, and in that, he was trying to convince himself too, “he has no dragon, no army, no allies, nothing”, he said firmly, “he is nothing, you destroyed him”

“Yes”

“Say it”, he said

“I destroyed him”

“He harmed you, and you destroyed him”, he said firmly

“I made him pay for what he did”, you said back

“We won”, he said firmly

“We won”, you repeated, now truly sinking in.

Cregan had announced the end of the war in the great Hall, with every Lord in the proximities, those who could make it with short days of notice, and specially those who weren’t in the march

Even though the army was camping outside of King’s Landing right now, most of the northerner men within it

The greens had been defeated, and Rhaenyra reigned the Seven Kingdoms

Cregan held a feast in the hall

You knew he did it more for you, then for the reasons he claimed, since his men weren’t here. He did it so you would get out of your room and for the North to see your children, who were too small and just got fuzzy with all the noise, but still, they got to see them 

Even though the loud noises bother you

Even though when somebody move too quickly nd close to you you flinched

Even though you still could feel Aemond’s hands on you

Even though all those awful things…

The loud cries of your babies soothed you

The movements of your husband, or Sara who constantly hugged you calmed you

Cregan’s soft and gentle touch erased all those bad memories.

You had won

You were home

And nobody was ever going to hurt you again

And if they did…

They were going to face fire and blood

More notes: Shorter chapter, but because I wanted to write the reunion, even though the main "problem", is solved, I sttill want to write a couple of more chapter in this timwline before I write a couple of epilogues! we are close to the end!

Taglist

@severewobblerlightdragon @missusnora @stargaryenx @poppyreader @chainsawsangel @court-jester-stuff @batprincess1013 @eddiepicker 

@lyannesworld @arujee @kamisunshine @​​mss-nthng @partypoison00 @grimistangel @elleclairez @may-machin @prettykinkysoul @justagurlwithships @champomiel 

@laura-naruto-fan1998 @zoleea-exultant @devotedlythoughtfulanchor @zoleea-exultant @llleon666 @dark-night-sky-99 @bitchigoteverythingissues @harrypotteranna23-blog

@esposadomd @ajanauia @phantomtea19 @let-love-bleeds-red @kishie8 @dreamingofyourmoons @esposadomd @sandronebabyy @kemillyfreitas @​​trifoliumviridi @dreamingofyourmoons @darling-jace @biblichorr @ivvypg @mendes-bae @borikenlove @tssf-imagines @praline357 @alitaar @prettykinkysoul @aelora-a @a-mexican-waffle @ateliefloresdaprimavera @alexa4040 @lrboyd @anditsmywholeheart  @weaselyss  @scarlettqueen190 @deeeeexx @cloudroomblog @dreaming-of-the-reality @yentroucnagol @crazymusicgirl104 @toodlesxcuddles @thanyatargaryen

[swp2023]

SWP Account

TW: transphobia, transmisogyny, SA, gaslighting/manipulation, general trotskyist bullshit

I first joined the SWP as a minor during the Honor Oak demos. When I attended one of the protests for the first time in May 2023, I knew fairly little about the British left and its intricacies. I joined at a time when I was incredibly vulnerable - I was an isolated trans teenager with a poor home and school life and few friends. I initially joined SUTR but was soon syphoned into the SWP and became a formal member around 1.5 months in. After four months I was lucky enough to meet people outside of the party, find my own systems of support, and start drifting away from them. At the beginning of October I formally left the party and rescinded my membership. I essentially speedran the process. I know that I am not the first to come forward about their experiences in the SWP, and that my account won’t be as horrific or traumatic as others’. But the more I sit with the memories of spending time in the SWP, the more frustrated and angry I become with how poorly I was treated, especially as a trans teenager. A while ago, I compiled a list of everything I could recall about being in the party and its impact on me, and I’m hoping sharing it will draw more awareness to the extent that the Socialist Workers Party hasn’t changed and actively poses a threat to young activists. 

Structural/Functional Problems

Most people are aware of the SWP’s overt focus on recruitment, but within the party it’s even worse than it looks from the outside. Recruitment processes target those new to activism, especially young women and queer people. On multiple occasions, SWP leaflets were purposefully plastered outside my secondary school and other schools in the area. Once you’re involved with the party in any capacity, there’s a lot of pressure to ensure you formally join - if you’re not a member, within a month you’ll have membership papers being shoved in your face constantly. The worst instance of this was when I attended Marxism over the summer while I was in quite a bad place. I ended up having a breakdown in a corner of SOAS, and someone walked up to me when I was visibly upset and somehow tried to use it as a recruitment opportunity. Although far from the worst of their faults, the recruitment means the party is incredibly stagnant and frankly, boring. The same meetings repeat over and over, the same discussions are held, conferences are repetitive and demos are attended only for the purposes of recruiting or selling papers. 

The general attitude towards other, non-SWP activists is extremely condescending and patronising, especially in both formal and informal discussions of anarchism and grassroots organising. I consistently heard anarchists being reduced to a violent, ineffective group of rag tag young un’s who don’t know what they’re doing. I think it must have been in their handbook to describe anarchism as “grabbing 15 of your mates and beating up fascists”, because I heard that exact phrasing used at least twice. The belief that the SWP’s unwritten values and structures are the only correct ones runs deeply, and since I was a teenager my age was often used to dismiss my actions as immature or naive. I was told I was being pretentious for wearing a mask at demos - I’d been doxxed before and was looking out for my safety but apparently this made me appear “hostile and unwelcoming”. 

I can’t emphasise enough how much everyone in the SWP is treated as disposable unless you work for them. They don’t care about arrestee support, accountability, or building safe environments. I was a trans teenager so I looked good for their party, but ultimately they couldn’t care less what I had to say and I was often shut down or told my ideas weren’t appropriate. The SWP consistently seizes the politics of individuals’ marginalised identities to create a more appealing facade, while also discarding the same individuals as soon as they are no longer politically convenient. 

Lack of Accountability

From the beginning, it was clear that there were zero helpful routes for complaints or conflict resolution. I asked multiple times at meetings what their explicit process was for dealing with internal issues, and at best I got an off-hand mention to the central committee. Mostly I was shut down right away and told it wasn’t the right time to ask - a better time never became apparent. There is zero transparency and it didn’t take me too long to realise that I had no faith in anyone in the party to protect me or listen to me if something went south. You’ll hear them talk about their “disputes committee”, which was established as a response to the Comrade Delta coverup, but despite all the time I spent in the party I still have no idea who’s in this committee, how to access it, or whether it’s ever successfully resolved a dispute. 

No one talks about the coverup. This isn’t too surprising but every time I tried to ask about it, I was met with the same awkward dismissal. It’s creepy how everyone who’s been in the party for a while feeds you the same “that was a long time ago and we’ve changed and learned from it” schtick. Even a month in the party would be enough to show you that this isn’t true. The process of covering up the reputational damage from Comrade Delta is very much still active and the more time you spend around them, the more subtly intrinsic it becomes to everything you do. I was walking with a paid member of the SWP and watched him slap an SWP “trans rights now” sticker over one that read “the SWP protects rapists in their party”. No organisation that’s suitably addressed its failures should feel so threatened by the reminder of them. 

More widely, there are never any internal criticisms of the party. When I was in, I was in deep. I went to their weekly meetings, their organising meetings, their conferences - I went to fucking marxism. Not once did I hear a natural critique arise, there’s a complete lack of self awareness. It isn’t an environment where you’d feel comfortable expressing criticisms, and this has led to an echo chamber of sorts in which many members are incapable of conceiving themselves or the party as imperfect. It’s a dangerous amount of self-assuredness and this attitude allows for a culture of racism and bigotry to underlie the party’s supposedly anti-racist fronts - microaggressions don’t get called out, racism gets excused especially in the predominantly white spaces. There aren’t any attempts to actually foster anti-racist mindsets or incorporate it into how they organise, it’s largely just for external presentation and again, recruitment. 

Any issues that do get brought up are met with absurd amounts of gaslighting and guilt tripping. The party runs on guilt and censorship. If you ask too many questions people start acting cold or frame your comment as needlessly confrontational. Even now, I still struggle to process a lot of what happened because I was constantly told it was normal, that I was overreacting, that because I was relatively new to activism I didn’t know what I was talking about. 

Transphobia and Transmisogyny

As I’ve mentioned, my main involvement in the party was based around my identity as a trans youth, but there was very little regard for my safety as it pertained to this. For instance, without any warning a parcel was sent to my house with my chosen name on it. This put me in a bad situation because my parents hated the thought of me going by another name, I had to lie and endure my home life temporarily getting much worse. When I brought it up with someone I trusted in the SWP, it was dismissed without so much as an apology for putting me in a dangerous situation. I spoke to another trans ex-member about this and they told me about going through the exact same thing a few years back - the SWP doesn’t learn or change. 

There is consistent, blatant transphobia in the party. There were too many occurrences to list out here, but it’s so profoundly endemic to the party that I spent a considerable amount of time feeling uncomfortable and objectified. I had someone tell me they wouldn’t use they/them pronouns because “it’s too hard”. I was constantly misgendered, and although it was sometimes a careless mistake it was often very clearly intentionally weaponised. Almost every time it happened there was someone in the room who knew me well enough to know what my pronouns were and correct the mistake, but that never happened. No one stood up for me. 

There’s explicit transmisogyny. In addition to being generally misgendered and sexualised, trans women are often referred to with they/them pronouns and as a “person”. There was a trans woman quite deeply involved with the party who I spoke with a few times, she often got dismissed when she contributed at conferences and one time, a cis dude fully stood up and started talking over her while the chair of the meeting allowed it to happen. 

Contrary to what the SWP would have you believe, there just aren’t many trans people in the party. Certainly not a proportionate amount when compared to the wider left, which isn’t surprising once you’ve experienced being trans in there - there aren’t any attempts to make you feel any less isolated, ostracised, or used. There are, however, plenty of cis people who think that just because they’ve attended a trans demo or two they know more about the experiences of trans people than we do. 

I want to note that all the transphobia I experienced and witnessed took place while London branches of the SWP were spending their time at HO trans rights demos, handing out their placards, using it for recruitment, and taking credit for the work that was mainly being done by grassroots activists. Transphobia is just one example of how hollow their ideals are. 

Non-Existent Consent Culture

When I was sitting in a conference at SOAS, a man I didn’t know sat next to me and ran his hand down my back while we were talking, and then repeatedly tried to scoot closer to me when I moved away. 

A different time, someone tried to get me to sit close enough to them so that our legs were touching. 

Both of these incidents were extremely creepy and uncomfortable, and just to be clear: I was visibly/openly a minor during both. 

In general, physical contact is heavily normalised and sort of expected. There was always an expectation that you’d hug people, that you were okay with being patted on the back or having an arm around your shoulders or whatever. I always felt uncomfortable with this and although some people were fine with it and people’s intentions weren’t always harmful, there’s just generally zero consent culture and most times I wouldn’t have felt comfortable saying no. 

When I was in a transition phase of technically still being in the SWP but trying to spend as little time around them as possible, one of them came up to me at a demo (where, for the record, I’d just been through quite a traumatic incident - not that it should have to matter) and tried to pull me in for a hug without asking. When I flinched away without saying anything other than “hi”, she later commented to a comrade that I was being rude. The persistent entitlement to my body and my consent was disgusting. 

Exit Process

When I started spending less time with the SWP and more time with anarchists and antifascists, they were semi-aware of it so I got lots of calls and messages purporting to be “checking in”, but the undertone was very much “why aren’t you standing with us at demos anymore”. No one ever checked in on me when I was properly in the party. One of the calls was particularly lengthy and pretty much summed up to “we feel like you’re drifting away, we really miss you and you’re our comrade” - more guilt tripping. The feeling that I was trapped because I was constantly being contacted and approached at demos was bad enough to make me actively suicidal. 

The final breaking point for me was a conversation that happened in the South London SWP group chat that had reached an intolerable level of censorship. Someone, very politely, complained about how the branch had made a commitment to doing hybrid meetings but consistently struggled to actually have working tech/mics/etc. They also suggested a possible solution. They got shut down with a curt “our main focus has to be in the room rather than on our phones”, a comment that rightfully got called out as being explicitly ableist, especially since the following messages implied that attending online was insufficient or lazy. This conversation was concerning enough, but the original person then got told they “sounded harsh” (they didn’t - I’ve seen more lively conversations in my extended family’s whatsapp group), and was explicitly told to delete their message. I finally had a good answer to what happens when you criticise anything the SWP does, and this was a fairly mild criticism too. 

Then, a comrade I know very gently expressed their support for the original person - literally just said that they agreed with them and didn’t think they were being harsh. This comrade (also a teen) got two separate DMs telling them that they “misunderstood” what was happening and to delete their message as well. The hierarchies and power structures within the SWP are so obviously corrupt, and this whole incident just made that much more clear to me. 

I sent a final message on this chat, calling out the patterns of behaviour I’d noticed and advising people to do what I had - take a step back and look at who actually gets listened to in the party, at the corruption that’s so deeply rooted in it. Then I left that chat. The next day I was removed from every SWP-related chat I was in - fine by me, I was done. I did get sent one DM telling me that I had misread the situation, was overreacting, etc. It was incredibly infantilizing and blamed the fact that I’d been associating with other people as the reason I’d formed these opinions - clearly the SWP was reliant on my isolation. 

I was out of the chats but I did get the aforementioned comrade to update me on the aftermath, which was mostly damage control. The upcoming conference got plugged, people talked shit about me for being immature and overreacting. I’ve got screenshots of this incident in particular but I honestly don’t think they’re too worth sharing. I firmly believe that painting the bigger picture of the party and how and why it operates like this is much more important. 

I’d say I made it very clear that I wanted nothing more to do with the SWP and its members, but to this day I still have issues with them at demos. I’ve had people come up to me and try to touch me in various ways - hugs, back pats, etc - that I’ve expressed I’m uncomfortable with. There’s someone who winks at me. The general attitude towards me seems to be either glaring me down when I walk by (I don’t mind this honestly), or being overly nice as if I hadn’t been groomed into their cult (this is considerably worse).

I think this summarises it pretty well. It’s not everything - some stuff is hard to talk about, some would involve revealing info about me that I need to be private, and honestly my brain has defensively blocked out a lot of the time I spent around the SWP, so I’m still remembering stuff out of the blue. But please listen to me, listen to everyone else who’s been through their pipeline and made it out the other end. They aren’t just an annoyance with boring placards, they hurt people. They prey on young queers and women and don’t actually give a shit about anyone. Kick them out of your demos, kick them out of your circles, and also - try to get people out! I owe my life to the anarchists who were like “hey, we see you’re in there and you probably don’t want to be - you can hang out with us”. Most of the people the SWP recruits are sucked in before they have a chance to form other networks, and it’s hard as fuck to leave a party when all your activism takes place within it and you’ve got nowhere else to go. The Socialist Workers Party is broken beyond repair and needs to be dissolved, and I would encourage its current membership to resign. Thanks for reading. 

[syscord-out-of-context]

Welcome !! to syscord out of context !!

[[ TL;DR: We're SOA (it/he), lmk if you wanna be anonymous and we got you, NSFW is fine (no porn tho), no discourse, we're pro-endo, images don't need to be from Discord or free of context. ]]

The collective name and pronouns are SOA and it/its ONLY (hy/hx/he auxillary), NO they/them or it&/you&.

There is already a syscord blog -- in fact it is where we learned the word "syscord" -- but it's anti-endo so thus this blog is born because we think we're hilarious but we often second guess sending screenshots involving PluralKit (especially as an introject) to regular Discord out of context and yk. Non-sysmeds make up a large part of the plural community, come on tales-from-syscord.

That said if you are anti-endo, we. don't care. No matter where you stand, this is a syscourse/discourse free zone, we're here to be silly, not fight.

NOW. Some... guidelines?

NSFW is allowed but nothing too explicit. I'll be using the nsfw and nsft tags though, and pretty loosely.

I will also do my best to tag any triggers (with the '[thing] tw' format). If any post misses something or other that you would like tagged (no matter how specific) you can absolutely ask and we got you.

Per the blog title, context is allowed! You can submit anything you want if it's not blatant discourse or porn pretty much. Again, we're here to be silly.

If you're worried whether or not something will be allowed, feel free to send it to us and ask. And if something submitted breaks the guidelines, we'll let you know too (non-anon asks can be answered privately btw).

Also it doesn't need to be from Discord, really we're just here to have fun, do whatever you want, man. Life sucks but we persist and sometimes we persist by being silly.

ALSO. If you don't want your base account (or any account) to be linked to the submission, just let me know when you submit it (or you can DM it) and I will upload the image for you so you're not connected to it.

Also I don't care what censoring you do or don't do with anything, they're your screenshots. It's largely up to your discretion, we're just the wall upon which you can post your memes.

And I literally don't care who follows me, just don't be a dick and all is good!!

Promo nabbing under the cut (let me know if you want to be untagged).

@fictive-culture @funnier-as-a-fictive @funnier-as-a-system @misc-system-culture-is @plurality-polls @pluralasking @pluralquotebook @plural-culture-is @intuspluric-culture-is @introjectheavy-culture-is @introject-culture @plural-positivity @multi-sourced-culture-is @multiplicity-positivity @multiplicitymemes

[manoelt-finisterrae]

que gacelas?

elas as sorprendidas tres gacelas amiga tamén dicimos torno de amor e tamén dicimos que ás veces a luz camiña cinto astrolóxico virando custodiando os vestidos eternos da forma estacions esveltas onde a virtude é muller pastora onde as estatuas desaparecen convertidas en ondas oceánicas riseiras xunto á soa rama onde aquilo meu non existe gacela sol roca vento beizos vestidos de mariñeira

Do poemario "O cameleiro do mar"

© Manoel T, 2023

[mysticalmallard]

Shopping

Description: Juice feels bad for leaving for so long with the club so agrees to take his girl shopping even though he hates it

Word Count: 1,079

Warnings: none I think....maybe abit suggestive but nothing detailed or graphic

SoA Taglist: @arkytiorlecter @aimkatsz @ravennaortiz @darqchilddaydreamz @mischiefnevermanaged89-blog @hatersaremymotivators @theshynerdsworld @thefrogytimes @youngadult9016

♥︎ If you wish to be added or removed from this taglist comment or message me ♥︎

SoA Masterlist ♥︎ Main Masterlist

Juice groans as he slowly stirs awake, reluctantly opening his eyes to the morning light. He glances next to him to find his girlfriend already awake and watching him with a smile.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” she says, poking his shoulder.

He grumbles, pulling the covers over his head, “Do we really have to go shopping today?”

She tugs back the covers, revealing his face, “Yes, we do. Remember, I’ve been waiting for this shopping trip for weeks now.”

Juice sighs heavily, rubbing his eyes. “Can’t we just stay in bed all day?”

She frowns and smacks his arm playfully, “No, come on. I’ve been looking forward to trying on some new outfits and you said you’d come.”

He groans again but starts getting up, knowing he can’t say no to her. “Fine, I’ll come. But just so you know, I’m not going to enjoy it.”

She rolls her eyes at his grumpy demeanor but smiles, “Don’t worry. I promise it won’t be that bad.”

Juice mutters under his breath, “That’s what you always say, and it always ends up being a five-hour shopping marathon.”

She laughs and playfully shoves him towards the bathroom, “Just go get ready, and stop complaining.”

He begrudgingly heads to the bathroom, resigned to his fate of a day filled with shopping aisles and changing rooms.

An hour later, they're at the mall, surrounded by shops and crowds of shoppers. Juice is trailing behind her, his arms crossed and a pout on his face. He keeps glancing at his watch, silently counting down the minutes until they can leave.

His girlfriend browses through racks of clothes, occasionally holding up an item and asking his opinion.

Juice grumbles and responds with non-committal answers like, “It’s nice” or “Yeah, it looks fine.” His mind is already elsewhere, daydreaming about the countless other things he could be doing instead.

Hours pass and they’ve been in almost every store in the mall. Juice’s feet are sore, his patience is wearing thin, and he’s mentally exhausted from pretending to care about every piece of clothing she tries on.

As they approach another clothing store, Juice can’t help but groan loudly, “Babe, can’t we call it a day? My feet are killing me.”

His girlfriend turns to him with a pleading look, “Just one more store, please? I saw some cute stuff in there.”

He sighs heavily but relents, knowing he can’t say no to her pleading eyes. “Fine, one more store and then we’re done, okay?”

She grins and links her arm with his, “You’re the best, I promise it won’t take long.”

Once inside, she dives into the racks of clothes while he slumps into a nearby chair, immediately checking his watch again. He scans the shop and notices a few other bored male companions lurking around. He gives them a sympathetic look, silently bonding over their shared suffering.

Every now and then, his girlfriend emerges from the fitting rooms with a new outfit on, twirling for him to approve. He gives obligatory compliments, his enthusiasm diminishing with each item she tries on.

After what feels like an eternity, she finally emerges with the last item. He tries to mask his relief and gives her a smile, “Looks great, babe.”

She grins, pleased with herself, and starts folding the clothes. He stands up, ready to leave, but she isn’t done yet.

“Before we head home…” she says with a sly smile, “I need your opinion on one more thing.” She said pulling him behind the curtain of the changing room.

Juice frowns, raising an eyebrow in curiosity. “What is it?” He asks, following her into the fitting room.

Inside, the space is cramped with clothes and hangers.

She turns to him, her grin widening holding up a bra on a hanger "do you like this bra? or is it too similar to this one?" she says holding up the hanger in one hand and opening her shirt with the other showing the bra shes wearing.

He blinks slowly, surprise flashing across his face. Then he looks her up and down and swallows hard, his irritation temporarily forgotten. “Well,” he says, his voice a little raspy. “Um, they both look good, but you can’t really tell the difference with your shirt on…”

She smirks, clearly enjoying his flustered reaction. “Are you suggesting I take off my shirt?” she teases, her finger tracing along the edge of her shirt collar.

He blushes, his eyes darting to the closed curtains. “I mean... it's the best way to compare them, right? For accuracy and all…” He says, trying to hide his growing arousal.

"Hmmm...well I would but you said you wanted to go home, so I will come back and get this bra another time" she sighs closing her shirt.

He gulps, his mind now fully focused on her. His earlier irritation melted away, replaced by an entirely different kind of tension. “No, wait,” he said, reaching for her hand. “We could... stay a little longer.”

She grins, her thumb tracing the inside of his wrist, sending shivers down his spine. His heart thumps in his chest, the air between them suddenly charged with electricity.

“If you're sure you aren't too tired, then maybe I should try on a few more things.” She says, her voice lowering suggestively.

His eyes widen, but he nods, any thought of leaving discarded. “Yeah, definitely not tired,” he says, his voice thick with desire.

She chuckles, the sound like music to his ears. "Then why don't you take a seat, I'll have a little fashion show for you."

He nods again, sitting on the small chair in the corner, trying to keep his breathing steady as she starts digging through the pile of clothes.

His eyes rake over her figure, taking in every curve and line. The curtain concealing them is thin, and he can see the shadows of people's movements behind it.

She turns back to him, now holding a short sundress, the material flowy and sheer. She smirks, “Ready for the next look?”

He swallows hard, nodding, as she starts to slowly unbutton her shirt, his eyes glued on her every move. One by one, the buttons come undone, revealing more of her skin with each movement. The shadow behind the curtain passes by, completely unaware of the intimate moment happening inside. She lets the shirt slide off her shoulders, the material whispering against her skin and onto the floor...Juice decides shopping isn't too bad anymore.

[minnow-doodle-doo]

Hi there! I looooove your soa au so much that i decided to do their house + workshop on skeychup (architecture program) , so i was wondering if you could give us some more detail on how the house is, i was specially interested if te duplex is just house with two floors or like a literal duplex like the apartaments with half a floor on top of the first one,

thank you so muchhhhh <333

KDAKDLDOADHSDAKSD

oh my goodness!!! I'm so honored!!!

So here's the basic layout that I've used.

except that the shop is 2 stories (with windows) and has a small entrance as well for the office and then through there up to the second floor (where the Justice League is based).

and where the little house is I think of something like this

small prewar, two entrances with a porch. the bottom unit that is only on the bottom is a 3 bedroom/1 bath while the upstairs where Alfred lives is a 1 bedroom/1 bath.

The area around them is very dense, with no single-family homes. They have very little non-pavement like the top pic and that little greenspace has a garden.

These are both examples from the Twin Cities. I know it's not Gotham but I use them as inspiration.

[missacidburn928s-heathenhideaway]

The Perks Of Being A Fiend

Alpha!Jax Teller x Omega!POC!Reader "LuLu"

Summary:

Alpha!Jax Teller x Omega!POC!Reader "LuLu" There's no in-between, we only do extremes. He can get on my LAST nerve, but honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Warnings:

Smut, Fluff and Smut, Light Angst, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha Jax Teller, Accidental Voyeurism, Oral Sex, Sex, Rough Sex, Marriage, Pregnancy

Notes:

Hello Heathens! This is my first Jax fic although I'm a massive SOA fan. So be kind. (This was my first Jax fic 😊) Happy Reading!

Banner by @cafekitsune Divider by @firefly-graphics

5 Missed Calls from JT 🐺

🌖Little Moon🌔 : I'm working Jackson. Why on earth are you blowing up my phone? JT 🐺 : I'm Sorry  LM: Okay JT: Just okay? That's it? LM: What do you want a medal or something for doing the bare minimum when you did wrong?  JT: C'mon dont be like that darlin'.  LM: Don't. I know you're bored at the club house. So what is it you really want? What are you trying to sweet talk me into? JT: Just wanted to see my pretty Omega and since I'm stuck here I thought a picture or two might tide me over.  LM: Seriously?  JT: You know I’m serious. LM: Find some Beta crow eater to feed your need to see flesh. You’ve always been good at that. JT: That won’t satisfy the craving. I’m fiending for you. Always you. LM: I don't have time for this. JT: Just one picture. Take a bathroom break.  JT: Where did you go? JT: I just want to see my Omega. Please, darlin’. I’ll do that thing with my tongue later. LM:  

Now leave me be. And you would have done that thing with your tongue anyway. I set up the couch for you tonight if you decide to come home. 

JT: Damn. It’s like that? LM: It’s like that. Balls in your court Teller. I’m not the one needing to earn forgiveness.

“I know that face.” Opie said with a smirk. “Someone is in the doghouse again. What’d you do this time?”

“Terra stopped by the house this morning to thank me for helping her with her flat tire last night.” He mumbles out as he lights up a cigarette.

“And?” Opie asks.

“And I may not have told Lulu about it when I got home late because of it.” He exhales a breath of smoke.

“Ooh.” Op winces. “That was a really dumb move man.” He shakes his head. “She’s the chillest woman you’ve ever been with it. But that only works when you don’t blindside her. Tara knew what she was doing showing up this morning like that. What’d Lu do?”

“She’s the one that opened the door and let her in when she asked for me with damn coffee and donuts in her hand.” He stomps out his cigarette. “She stayed calm and went about her normal morning routine while Tara thanked me and I escorted her out.”

“She was calm?”

“Yup.” 

“Fuck man. What happened when the door closed?”

“She sat at the table with her coffee and grabbed a donut. She then told me ‘Such a gentleman and a baddass. Lucky me to have snagged such an Alpha. If only he knew to keep me up to date on happenings with his crazy exes.’ Gave me a kiss and then rushed off to get ready for the day.”

“Why the fuck are you here then?” Opie Inquires.

“She’s working. Told me the couch is ready for me tonight if I come home.”

“Damn I do not wish I were you right now. You have some groveling to do Prez.”

“Don’t I know it. Thankfully I know just how to diffuse her.”

You're getting ready to leave work and head home when your besties number shows up on your phone. You pick up and before you can even say hello she's going a mile a minute. 

"You're still coming tonight. No excuses. Dress hot as shit too. Get Jax back for that Tara bullshit. I know for a fact that Ari is in town."

“Hello to you too Diamond.” You finally get out as you climb into your Chevelle. “I wasn’t going to bail on you tonight. I just wanted something low key but if you have a plan in mind I’m all for it. You know petty is my love language.”

“I’m thinking, O’ Sheas.” 

“We always go to O’ Sheas.”

“Duh. But tonight Ari will be there. I’m sure he’ll be looking for an Omega to get lost in.” She remarks. “He is the idiot that let you get away. If he spots you I’m sure he’ll be begging for another piece.”

“I know you didn't forget that Jax is in fact my Alpha.”

“Of course I didn’t.” She replies. “I’m just saying give the Prez a taste of his own medicine. You don’t have to sleep with him. Just be your charming self is all.”

“I’m only agreeing to go because a drink is just what I need to forget this day.” You say as you pull into your driveway. “I’m not entertaining this Ari nonsense. If he’s there, then he’s there. I’m just looking to get inebriated enough to just knock straight out when I get home. Lord knows I sleep like shit when I’m alone.”

“Jax not coming home tonight?”

“More like I relegated him to the couch.”

“Understandable. I’ll let you get ready. Pick you up in like an hour or so.”

“Sounds good.”

You’re leaning over your built-in vanity, applying highlighter to your cheeks, clad in an olive green lingerie set, your favorite thigh high knit stockings keeping you warm, singing along to Mary J Blige. “My whole world’s, Up. Side. Dooooown.” Your hips sway to the beat as you really get into the song. You glance up into the mirror and spot Jax leaning against the door frame, just admiring the view.

“Singing ‘bout me, little moon?” He husks out.

“I plead the fifth.” You deadpan, turning your eyes back to your reflection.

He steps up behind you, ghosting his fingers along your exposed skin. “Got plans tonight, Omega?” He whispers into your ear.

You swallow but attempt to hold your ground. “Just hitting O’ Sheas with Diamond. Nothing special.” You shrug.

“Hmm.” He takes a step back. “I better get to it then.”

“Get to what?” You turn on your heel towards him as he cages you in.

"These panties have got to go.” He tugs on the waistband against your hip. “Hold on to the counter and lift your ass up for me." You instinctively follow his command. 

Not wasting a second Jax practically rips the fabric from your skin. “Much better.” 

He sinks down to his knees so that his handsome face and your glistening folds are level with each other. Eyes hooded, pupils dilated, he scents your arousal in the air, licking his lips. “Fuck. Look at you Omega. Perfect little pussy leaking all this slick for me.” He licks a stripe up your folds to your swollen clit, moaning in delight at the sweetness flowing onto his tongue. “God, I missed the taste of you on my tongue.”

"It hasn't even been a day since your last meal." You whimper out. 

"Too long. Plus I have an apology to make." He growls out. 

You find yourself threading your fingers through his golden locks for balance as he begins to really go to town. Feasting on you as if he’ll perish if he does not consume every ounce of you. He sinks two fingers into your center. You can’t help but grind against his face, fucking yourself with his fingers. He curls them just so, hitting that sweet spongy spot that has you seeing stars. Eliciting a long guttural moan as your sweet nectar spills, making quite the mess all over the lower half of his face.

You release his hair as he lifts his face from between your thighs, lips shining and beard covered in your juices, looking like the cat that got the cream. You wanted to allow your anger to persist, but the endorphin high with an oxytocin chaser that you just experienced is wavering your resolve. 

You place your palms on his cheeks, pulling him up to grace him with a deep kiss, enjoying the taste of yourself on his tongue. “Get up Alpha.” You speak against his lips. 

Once he is standing between your open thighs you undo his belt and zipper. You reach in, wrapping your hand around his base, giving him a slow pump, granting you a low groan, before pulling out his beautifully thick cock.  

"Turn around ‘mega. Hands on the sink. Eyes on me in the mirror. I want you to watch me ruin you baby." You turn around, taking your time placing your hands on the counter. He smacks your ass once, in warning. 

You push your hips back as you lean forward. This is when he chooses to tease you, rubbing his dick up and down your soaked folds. Tapping his head against your clit several times before sinking in slowly until his tip kisses your cervix, giving you a moment to adjust to his size stretching you out. 

Feeling full of your Alpha you subconsciously begin to undulate your hips, looking for friction, as you lock eyes with him in the mirror. "Alpha, please. Fuck me. I don't think I can stand this much longer. Feels too good when you're so deep inside me." 

He growls at your plea, fisting your hair and pulling. Forcing you to arch you back further to keep your eyes locked in the mirror. 

He pulls back, slamming in as he begins a punishing pace, fucking you hard and deep. His balls slap against your swollen clit with every thrust making you see spots from the pure ecstasy of it all. Your staring into the mirror, watching his face as he grunts, swears and groans while he fucks all the tension and anger from you from behind. 

You watch as he throws his head back, letting out a growl you can feel vibrate against your skin. "Fuck Omega, your pussy is just so damn tight. Feel so good wrapped around my dick. Ready to cum for me again? I need to feel ya squeezin’ me, trying to pop my knot and milk me dry."

"Yes.” You whimper out. “Please, Alpha. I’m close. So, so close." You’re uncaring of how needy you sound at the moment. The man really had a knack for turning you into a hormonal mess whenever he felt the need.

Your plea’s add fuel to his need to consume you, driving him to fuck you even harder. You know you'll most likely be sporting bruises on your hips from the counter, but you’ll deal with that fun little reminder later. Hand still wrapped up in your hair, his grip tightens, the pleasured pain sending you head first over the edge into the bliss of another orgasm. 

"Don't close your eyes, ‘mega. Look at yourself.” He grits out. “See how gorgeous you look when you come undone for me." You let out a primal wailing moan as your pussy clamps down on his cock and your legs begin to shake. He smacks your ass with his free hand before taking hold of your hip, continuing to fuck you as you ride the waves of your orgasm.

When your walls stop their rhythmic suffocation of his cock, he slows down, taking his time to fuck you nice and deep. Hitting all your sweet spots. Cresting into the zone of overstimulation you begin to squirm against him again. 

He watches, as his cock sinks in and out of your swollen and dripping folds. Hypnotized by how well you take his dick and still remain so goddamn tight. His hips instinctively pick up the pace, once again. "I'm close, Omega. Gonna fill ya up so good, you’ll still be leaking for days" He grunts out, accompanied by harsh thrusts.

"FUCK!” You shout. “Yes. Please, yes. Want all of you Alpha." Is all you can manage to mumble out as you arch your back deeper, preparing to take his seed deep into your womb.

He continues on, setting a pace that just makes your brain go fuzzy and every nerve-ending sing in pleasure.

“Fuuuck.” He grunts out. “My cock drunk little omega. Pussy’s gripping me so damn tight baby. She doesn't want to let me go.”

You just nod and whisper out. “Please. Full.” Lost in a sea of sensation, your mind is not able to formulate more than two words in your current state, other than moans, whimpers and wails of pleasure. You’re flying a serotonin high you are not ready to come down from yet.

That was all the validation he needed to hear to stop holding back and pop his knot, releasing his seed deep into your waiting womb. Painting the walls white with rope after rope of his spend. 

Locked tight on his knot, time seemed to stand still, it felt like he was pouring everything he had into you, his cock gave it’s final twitch and he collapsed onto your back. Caging you in as he rains kisses along your shoulders.

That’s when you hear a round of applause come from the doorway. “GOTDAMN Girl! Now I get why he gets away with so much."

You burst into laughter at the situation. Unashamed over what they caught you doing in the comfort of your home. No one told her to let herself in with the key you gave her for emergencies.

“That was the hottest shit I have ever seen and we produce porn.” Juice blurts out.

“Hope you took some notes than, Juicy.” Jax snarks. “Now get the fuck out of my house so I can fully finish apologizing to my woman. Sorry Diamond but she’s staying in tonight.”

“Come on Juice.” Diamond turns to the still gawking biker. “Looks like your my date for tonight. I’m not wasting this outfit cus my girl is so easily dickmatized by her Alpha.”

She latches on to his Kutte and drags him back down the hall out of the house.

Jax knot has gone down enough at this point for him to tenderly slip out of you. A trail of his cum begins leaking down your thigh. He collects it on his fingers and pushes it back inside, making you moan and push back against him.

“I’m going to keep you full until I am fully forgiven for my stupidity.” He pulls his fingers out and places them before you face. You open your mouth and clean them of your combined essences. 

“I hope you carbo loaded at the Club then Alpha.” You tease. “You have a ways to go to remain out of the dog house.”

He lifts you up into his arms and walks into your bedroom. “I’ll be sure to do my worst.”

That night took a turn you could not have expected. You want to blame it on the hormone high but that would be a weak cop out when in reality you always would have said yes. 

While recovering from your escapades, enjoying all the lovely chemicals coursing through your veins, Jax asked you to be his old lady in every way. “You’re already my mate” He runs his fingers along the freshly renewed bite along your collarbone. “Let’s make this all the way official and head down to the courthouse and make it legal.”

“You’re serious.”

“100%”

“Okay. We’re going to need witnesses though.” You reply

“Easy. Op and Diamond.” He reaches for his phone and calls Op. You pick up yours to text D to meet you at the courthouse in the morning.

That’s how you found yourself in a sundress with a newly signed marriage license cuddled up with your now husband in the kitchen, waiting for Happy to show up to tattoo your ring finger. 

“Gemma is gonna flip when she finds out.” Opie states calmly as he takes a puff of his cigarette.

“Who cares what Gemma thinks.” You shrug. “She was always on team, not me, anyway. This was for us not her.”

“She’s just going to have to get over it whenever the news hits her.” Jax adds.

“She might have forgiven you Jackson. But your still on shit list. I’m not so easily swayed.” Diamond declares. “Though this move has given you some points. Making her glow like that will always get you points with me.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Jax responds.

Twelve weeks after your Alpha’s apology and your subsequent nuptials thereafter, the club was dealing with some backlash from a new MC trying to make a name for themselves in the streets. Wanting to keep his men and their families safe, Jax has called a lockdown.

The compound and clubhouse was filled with families, children trying to find a way to deal with the boredom, running around making nuisances of themselves. The volume of so many voices alone was overwhelming, not to mention the haze of cigarette smoke that permeates the air. You’d been feeling queasy for days and the stench of bad perfume wafting off the crow eaters as you tried to make lunch had bile slowly rising up your throat.

“You doin okay there Sweetheart?” Gemma asks, watching you waver slightly on your feet.

“I’ll be fine.” You reply. “Just not feeling my best today. It’ll pass. I think I might go lay down for a bit though if I’m not needed here.”

“We got it Sug.” Luann blurts out before Gemma could give you the third degree. “These crow eaters need to learn to be useful for something other than sucking dick anyway.” 

“Thanks.” You give her a tight smile. “If you need any more help, please don't hesitate to come get me.” You rush out of the kitchen before anyone can object and head down the hall to Jax’s room. You’ve unbuttoned your tight jeans and are in the process of sliding the denim down your legs when the door opens. 

“Everything okay ‘mega?” Are the first words out of Jax’s mouth. “Op saw you booking it pretty fast out the kitchen.” He closes the door behind him, walking up to you as you're stepping out of your pants. 

“I’m fine now.” You wrap your arms around his shoulders. “Just needed to get away from the stench of Crow Eater.” 

He places his hands on your hips, pushing up your loose shirt, one of his old beat up SAM CROW’s, thumbs tracing your lower stomach. “They still given you a hard time with smells?” He asks.

“They are.” You nod your head. “It’s mainly the perfume that sets me off. Thankfully it’s supposed to ease up soon. I don’t think I could handle a full nine months of feeling like this.”

He lowers himself to his knees, where his head is in line with your non-existent bump. “Listen here pup. You’re already causing your mama problems and I can’t have that. I’mma need ya to calm your shit down or we’re both gonna be in for it when you get out.” You chuckle at his antics as he reprimands his progeny growing in your womb.

He has been nothing short of amazing since you found out last week that you were expecting your first pup. His apology sure left its mark. It’s a bit sooner than you both were expecting but it’s exciting nonetheless.

“Such a big strong Alpha, on his knees, pleading with his unborn child. Whatever shall I do with you.” You run your fingers through his hair as the door is slammed open. You both turn to find Gemma standing in the doorway, Opie behind her with a look of defeat on his face.

“Sorry guys. I caught her snooping near the door and before I could get a chance to shoo her away she gasped and threw open the door.” He shakes his head.

“You're pregnant?!” She hollers at you. “I knew something was up. That why you marked her?”

“Mom.” Jax stands up. “I’m gonna need ya to calm the fuck down. That’s not only my Omega, but my wife and the mother of your unborn grandchild, your screeching at. She’s already feeling like crap. I’m not about to have you stressing her out too. Either accept this and be happy or get out our faces.” He huffs.

Stunned not only that her son is speaking to her like this but that somehow he got married and didn't even inform her. “You got married? Was that before or after you knocked her up?”

“Watch it.” He growls. “Not that it is really any of your business but we just recently found out she was pregnant. Must have happened around our wedding day. Not that it matters. She was always going to be mine. Knew it from the moment her scent hit my nose.”

“Why didn't you tell me you were getting married?” She asks.

“Because I knew how you’d act and I didn't want you pulling any of your tricks.” Jax deadpans.

“I know what you think about me Gemma.” You speak up. “And you're wrong. I have only ever wanted what was best for your son. My Alpha. Now that we’ve started our own family, you can choose to let your misconceptions of me go and be a part of this little pups life when they arrive. Or you can double down and miss out on all the wonders a new life brings to a family. The decision is yours.” 

“Damn.” You hear Opie mutter out.

“If you think for one second I’m risking not being in my first grandbabies life, you're sorely mistaken honey.” Gemma states. “I’ll behave. I’d say welcome to the family but you’ve already been here awhile apparently.”

“See that wasn't that hard.” Jax teases before turning to you. “Can we tell everybody now. I think they all could use some good news.”

You sigh. “Fine. But can I get a nap first.” You negotiate. “I know they’ll want to celebrate and chit chat. If I don’t get some rest I may just snap at the first person to try and touch my belly.”

They all laugh. “Alright, little moon. We can take a nap.” He kisses your forehead, then turns to his mother. “Don’t say a word until we come out later. I mean it mom.”

“I’m not gonna blab.” She relents. “Wouldn’t want to deal with your wrath having upset your Omega. Been there with your father when I was pregnant with John. Wouldn’t wish that on anybody.”

“C’mon Gemma.” Opie pulls her out the room, slowly closing the door. “I’ll keep an eye out Prez.” 

“Thanks Op.” He pulls you close, giving you a loving kiss. “I love you Omega.”

“Love ya too Alpha.” You kiss him back, pulling him towards the bed where you had previously made a haphazard nest, so you could cuddle up and get some much needed rest with your perfect pain the ass Alpha.

[garbinge]

Hi friends!!!!! SOOOOOO THIS HAPPENED!!!! My husband got me tickets and photo ops for PlanetComicCon in Kansas City for christmas because I've been talking non-stop about going to a con to meet the SOA guys. This was honestly unreal and just such an incredible experience.

Charlie Hunnam is quite literally one of the sweetest humans! And Jon Bernthal is how I'd totally describe as tooo coool for schoool in the most badass way lol. And big shoutout to Ron Perlman for letting me be the ultimate fangirl when I saw him and Charlie.

If you didn't know I'm a graphic designer/artist and I LOVEEEEE collaging. I make collages of all my favorite pop culture moments, shows, characters, and just artsy ones too, so I decided to make one for Jax and Frank Castle and have the actors who play them sign them. Charlie drew the anarchy A over the charming sign and it seriously made my entire trip because I feel like it just really adds to the collage, almost like JAX TELLER added to my collage you know???? Maybe I'm deluluuuuu but like who cares cause I met the actors who play some of my favorite characters from my comfort show <3

Feel free to message/ask me if you want to know more about my interactions/meet & greets with them!! Always happy to chat :)

[captain-mj]

I know I already sent a Körangi ask, but the selkie!Soap and changeling!Ghost au won’t leave my brain.

The amount of angst possible for these two in it is just aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah u feel me? Like for example, imagine on a mission Soap has been talking non-stop, flirting making jokes and Ghost tells him to shut up. HE WOULD HAVE TO SHUT UP!! Ghost would probably think Soap‘s being petty until he asks for a sitrep or something and Soap has to stay silent. Ghost grows more and more panicked until he says something like "goddamn it, talk to me, Johnny!" (if it’s the good ending yknow) and Soap can finally talk again.

The bad ending would obviously be Soap getting into trouble and being unable to ask for help :)

Genius take, hell yeah (this takes place at some random part in the timeline lol)

Soap had been... particularly good at taking orders lately. Ghost had picked up on it and he thought it was pretty odd, but nothing he was really worried about it. It made missions easier, knowing Johnny would actually follow his orders for once.

This mission required Ghost to be focused and that was becoming increasingly hard.

"I'm just asking if your career ever comes up."

"You asked if it comes up in the bedroom. Bit different of an ask."

"Yeah. I mean with the mask and the knives and the ability to tie someone up and..."

"Soap, stop talking." Ghost growled, pleasantly surprised when Soap did in fact stop talking. Complete silence flooded the coms and that meant Ghost could focus on aiming.

He heard gunshots. Dozens of them. He waited for it to die down to ask. "Soap, sitrep?"

More silence.

"Soap, sitrep?" Ghost sighed. He swore if he was being an ass over him telling him to shut up. "Johnny. Sitrep. Are you solid?"

There was still nothing.

Ghost started to sweep the area with his scope, trying to find him. He ignored the growing anxiety that something was very wrong. There was an odd sensation across his own mouth, like someone was holding their hand over it.

"Johnny, what's going on? Are you compromised?"

Soap's heavy breathing came over the coms but he still wasn't speaking. Why wasn't he speaking? Ghost looked around more.

"I'll cover you. I just need to know where you are." Ghost could hear the distress in his own voice. "Soa-"

A gunshot shattered the air. It came through the comms this time. Ghost suddenly felt very sick.

"Johnny? Please, sitrep." He heard it. The panic in his voice. If this was anyone else, he'd like to think he could keep it under control, but this was Soap.

No response.

"I'm going to kick your ass when you get up here. You better fucking get up here." Ghost spotted him. He was holding his side, blood dripping. Maybe his radio was damaged.

One of the men started to round the corner, gun moving up. Ghost put a bullet through their brain before they got the chance.

He went under the assumption the radio was broken, not bothering to speak. From his position, he cleared a fucking trial. Soap was smart enough to follow.

MacTavish crawled his way through everyone and ended up right at Ghost's side again.

Ghost resisted the urge to throttle the man or hug him since they were still in an active battle situation.

"Radio busted?" It didn't look broken, but it wasn't always obvious.

Soap stared at him, mouth pressed into a thin line.

"Johnny?"

Soap had his hand over his wound and just stared.

Ghost moved closer and lifted his shirt to look at the wound. He put his hand on his other side and looked at him closely. The wound looked bad, but maybe that was why he was being quiet.

"Are you okay? Nod for me if you're okay."

Soap nodded slowly. He stared at Ghost.

"Johnny, please talk to me."

Soap let out a deep breath. "I'm so sorry, sir."

Ghost hit his shoulder hard. "Save it. Let's get out of here."

"Si..." Soap went to explain.

"Shut up and get to evac."

"...yes, sir."

[sovonight]

I've been considering playing Baldur's Gate because of you. Do you recommend it What is a good order to play the games in??

absolutely i recommend it!

first off, it's important to know that bg1 & bg2 are their own story, and bg3 is practically separate from them. bg3 is set a century after the events of bg1/bg2, and just has a few character cameos and references from bg1/bg2 (though from what i've heard some of the cameos aren't very good interpretations of the original characters). bg3 doesn't enhance the bg1/bg2 story in any way, and knowledge of bg1/bg2 doesn't matter when playing bg3.

i'd suggest starting with bg3 if you:

are used to modern rpg games, and 3d visuals are particularly important to you

know you don't/won't like infinity engine games (for a spoiler-free preview, look up walkthroughs of icewind dale 1 or 2 and watch a couple minutes of travel, dialogue, and combat gameplay)

i'd suggest starting with bg1/bg2 if you:

don't have a strong preference for starting with bg3 instead

enjoy the potential for mods to expand the game--not just in terms of gameplay, but in story/quest additions and companions, too

are interested in knowing the story that i'm drawing all my fanart of

have a limited budget (you can get these games for very cheap, they frequently go on sale)

if you want to start with bg3, you're all set! go ahead and get started. if you want to start with bg1/bg2, i have a bit more to add:

if you've looked into buying these games, you may have noticed that there's bg1/bg2, and then there's bgee/bg2ee (ee meaning "enhanced edition"). there's also a new dlc that's ee-only. so here's the original playing order:

baldur's gate (bg1)

baldur's gate: tales of the sword coast (tosc): bg1 expansion, adds new side quests and areas to explore during bg1

baldur's gate ii: shadows of amn (bg2, sometimes abbreviated soa to distinguish from tob below)

baldur's gate ii: throne of bhaal (tob): bg2 expansion, directly continues the story from soa and officially ends the series

and here's the enhanced edition order:

baldur's gate: enhanced edition (bgee): contains bg1 and tosc

baldur's gate: seige of dragonspear (sod): bg1 expansion released in 2016 to bridge the gap between bg1 and bg2 (i haven't played it yet, but if you're just testing out the series i'd say don't bother getting it yet, it was released 15 years after the story concluded so how necessary can it really be)

baldur's gate ii: enhanced edition (bg2ee): contains soa and tob

the enhanced edition also adds 4 new companions, an arena side adventure, and overall provides a lot of fixes/improvements/updates on the original games. obviously, considering all these additions and the ee mods that have come out since the ee series release, the ee series is where you should start.

side note--if you buy the ee series on gog (maybe on steam too, but i've only checked it on gog) you'll actually get downloads for the original, non-ee games as well. if you enjoy playing old games for the feeling of time-traveling into the past a bit, and you have the patience to fuss around with troubleshooting and mods, they're a perfectly fine place to start as well! (i personally am still playing the non-ee trilogy even now, but that's for a whole mix of reasons, including that i like using the physical cd's i bought them on lmao)

now finally, if you got this far and are thinking "okay, i'm cautiously interested in bg1/bg2, but which one of the two should i start with???"

start with bg2 if you:

just want to jump in and see what all the fuss is about

don't care about having context in the beginning (you'll gain some context as you play, though not all)

want vampires, technology, and more sewers in your d&d experience

prefer a story with darker tones and a lot of driving urgency

start with bg1 if you:

like starting at the beginning to have context for everything that happens

want a standard, classic adventure with camps, forests, and bustling cities

don't need the plot to engage you if your companions are there with conversations, commentary, and banter

are willing to install at least one mod, BG1NPC

i found bg1 to be kind of a slog to get through on my very first playthrough, but adding in character interactions via BG1NPC really livened the game up for me and made it my favorite game out of the series. (imo this works best if you're willing to do a romance though, bc unfortunately romanced companions tend to get the most interactions & care put into their conversations.)

you don't strictly need BG1NPC on bgee bc the ee adds those aforementioned companions who do have conversations with you, but iirc they don't talk as much or provide as many opportunities for interaction as some of the modded companions do. (for context, in the original bg1, companions don't talk to you or comment on events at all; that only became a thing in bg2.) playing bgee without BG1NPC means you'll have to get at least 1 of the 3 ee companions to hear any conversations at all.

anyway, hopefully this wasn't too long or confusing. i hope you try the games out!

[alephskoteinos]

Tantric synthesis

There's a heuristic coming along that feels close to something I've been wanting to find for a long time. It all comes down to hongaku (original enlightenment) on the one hand, and Tantric and theurgic non-dualism on the other hand, and from there I think I have a way of making some interesting connections possible.

When I read Hellenic Tantra during the last week or so I noticed that Gregory Shaw tries repeatedy to establish a connection between the concept of the theurgist and the jivanmukta at least on the grounds that both meant that the individual practitioner would become divinised while embodied and alive (though only fully joining the gods after death). Well, it turns out there's a Japanese Buddhist concept that's at least somewhat similar to the premise of the Tantric jivanmukta and Neoplatonist theurgy, or at least the way Shaw presents them. The Japanese term "sokushin jōbutsu" means to "become a Buddha in this body", and it seems to have originated in Shingon Buddhism.

"Sokushin jōbutsu" refers to the Shingon doctrine that buddha-nature could be realised in your own present lifetime, in your present body, in your present appearance (maybe now even). This idea is often attributed to Kukai, the founder of Shingon himself, who may have adapted it from Chinese esoteric Buddhism. Different versions of the concept were proposed by Saicho, another Shingon scholar, who accepted a partial realisation of buddhahood, and Annen, a Tendai scholar, who viewed it as the full attainment of buddahood in this life.

For Kukai this involved the practice of mudras, mantra recitation, mental concentration, and visualisations, which were supposed to lead to unification or mutual identity with the Buddha Mahavairocana. If this sounds like how Gregory Shaw talked about Tantra, well...

Maybe it's to do with the fact that Shingon has its roots in Tantric Buddhist traditions, or Kukai's own background in that tradition studying the tantras, or that at a certain point the Japanese concept of Mikkyo (esoteric Buddhism) generally denoted a kind of Tantric Buddhism. That Tantric Buddhism was also very obviously, to some extent, inspired by Hindu Tantra, with its inclusion of Hindu gods and often centrally centering the gods of Shaiva Hinduism. This seems to have been especially true for medieval Tendai given the role of deities like Mahakala and Kojin.

The doctrine of "sokushin jōbutsu" also seems to have involved collapsing any difference between physical and "ultimate" reality, the human body and the "dharma body", and positioning the body (and matter) itself as the site of realisation and a symbol of the entire universe. This form of nondualism probably did align with Tantric Hinduism to some extent. In fact, as Faure notes, Hindu Tantra itself developed from the Vedic tradition and inherited an originally Vedic conception of the human body as a microcosm of the universe.

It is on this basis that Tantra proposed the mutual identity of the human and the universe, and so Faure interprets Tantric Buddhism as having returned to the Vedic micro-macrocosmic vision. The Shingon doctrine of buddhahood involving Mahavairocana seems to match this vision. Faure also interprets this as a departure from earlier and more ascetic forms of Buddhism. In fact, he suggests that, in India, Tantric Buddhism assimilated the gods of Hinduism so successfully that it ended up losing distinctions from Hinduism, and folding back into Hinduism.

This obviously did not happen with Japanese or Chinese esoteric Buddhism. But, in Japan, Tantra can still be seen at the root of Mikkyo, and, as Nobumi Iyanaga observed, Shaiva Hindu deities played a special role in medieval esoteric Buddhism.

Both Tendai and Shingon are accepted as developments of Tantric Buddhism, in the sense that esoteric Buddhist derived from the larger Tantric tradition, and in that sense it seems the concept of hongaku seems was just part of Japanese Tantric Buddhism.

Although the formal concept of original/innate enlightenment did not originate (at least in these terms) in Tantric Hinduism, it seems to have definitely been part of the Tantric Buddhist milieu in Japan. And if you think about it, that makes sense given the logic of hongaku. Tendai hongaku establishes a collapse of the boundaries between ignorance or passion and enlightement or dharmarata, and therefore the distinction between the demons and the buddhas/gods, but it also logically connects to Mikkyo notions of matter as a symbol of the universe or the Buddha-mind. In that sense, it's hard to not connect hongaku to Tantric philosophy and its nondualist logic. And from there you can access the larger significance of the demon gods in Tantric terms. I'd even argue you have all you need for a kind of "Tantric synthesis".

And what's more, you can get to a sense of that kind of cosmic vision in the way Shaw describes theurgy or for that matter its goetic origins and correspondence as elaborated by Kent, and then there's extent to which can actually apply them to each other. After all, in pagan Neoplatonism, the body of the theurgist, while embodied and alive, is to be figured as a synthema for the divine or the creative activity of the Platonic Demiurge or Helios, and in a way you can kind of parallel that with what sokushin jōbutsu entails.

What comes next, of course, is the erotic significance. In Japan, Tantric esotericism that at least allegedly involved outright sexual rituals was called sadō mikkyō, which basically meant heterodox esoteric Buddhism, or "left-handed esotericism", as in the Left Hand Path. That the Left Hand Path should be directly defined by eroticism or sexual ritual is not surprising: it logically follows from the way the terminology was applied in Hinduism. But, in Japan, it also allowed some esoteric Buddhist schools to single out their rivals as heretics. It probably also dovetails nicely with efforts of some schools to define themselves as "pure" schools, focused only on Buddhahood, as opposed to "mixed" schools, allegedly only focused on worldly goals: a line functionally identical to Iamblichus' on theurgy versus goetia.

But this is an area where, real or imagined, the Left Hand Path points to the possibility of religious and magical eroticism as a vital if not fundamental element of the body as the site of spiritual realisation, which is critical to understand socially as a realm of freedom. The heuristic of "Tantric synthesis" here would function as a backdrop for the Left Hand Path as a pursuit of supra-cosmic individualism through an autonomous embrace of eroticism and mystical transgression, divinising the self by collapsing extant normative distinctions.

[talesfromthecrypts]

I saw you in the tags mention Tig and Venus from soa and I was shocked because no one outside of soa people seem to remember/talk about it but anyway I was rewatching soa recently because I'm a filthy degenerate for Kim Coates and I remembered loving Tig and Venus together but the more I watched I was like ohhhhhhhh..... oh none of this is as progressive as I remember it being...... Like you can tell Coates and especially Goggins put their all into that arc it but the writing itself was just so bad it made me want to write a long ass essay dissecting it like I was in college again. I mean not that the writing of soa has ever been more than serviceable (I mean I'll suffer thru the worst shit for my fave DILFs) but yeah. Tldr of my rambles is that I felt such a disconnect between how Goggins played Venus vs how the show writers wrote her to still be the butt of jokes (as well as Tig for choosing her) while pretending to be progressive

This is exactly what I was getting at with the comment yeah. SOA was NOT the pinnacle of writing absolutely not. And trans rep was basically non existent at the time (I think Orange is the New Black was still a year or two away?) You can tell by the way that Walton talks about her that he did try to play Venus with care but the writing was really not up to snuff and was often cruel. Which yeah the characters in the show aren't good people but I think that something like that especially when Venus was one of two maybe two trans characters on tv at the time should have been handled with way more care. Kim Coates and Walton Goggins innocent though I can still see clearly in my mind how sweet their kisses and private scenes were.

[crusherthedoctor]

Do you think Sonic is too hard for Americans to understand?

That's a bit of an over-generalization.

While the SoJ-SoA tug of war in the franchise has undeniably had a neverending effect on how a lot of people outside of Japan look at the series and its characters, I don't think it's flat out impossible for non-Japanese writers to do them justice. Even the Japanese side hasn't had a perfect track record with Sonic after all, so just as they can do wrong, I believe it's possible for other writers to do right. The growing notion that you can only get a chance with the series if you're from a particular country is more than a bit concerning.

It shouldn't matter where the writer is from. What should matter is whether they have the right talent, the right dedication, and the humility to not throw SEGA under the bus for their own responsibilities, and not throw around questionable ideas and pass them off as canon.

[asirensrage]

WIP Tag Game!

I was tagged by @themaradwrites for this. Thanks! I'm a little afraid lol

RULES: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! and then tag as many people as you have WIPs

Tammy Thompson Takes on the Upside Down (Stranger Things. Steve Harrington x OC)

Erudite!Eric - a study in intimacy (Divergent. Eric x oc)

Matt and Billy and OC make 3 (MCU. Matt Murdock x Billy Russo x oc)

Tammy - Alternate POVs

there’s a heaven above you (oc x the lost boys)

Halloween Challenges/Prompts (various)

the weight of all my sins Naruto ideas (various including Kakashi x oc)

Something Missing (something strange) (Gaston x oc)

Divination as a Diversion (Hermione Granger x The Darkling)

Serendipity - Wick fic (John Wick x oc)

cassia and varro (Spartacus: Varro x OC)

Reality is Fictional (who even knows. Various)

Saudade - May you be cursed to never find peace (Tokyo Revengers, OC x various)

Dig My Grave (take my hand). It's just a quirk. (My Hero Academia. Dark fic. Dabi x OC)

An Offering and The Sacrifice (Demon Slayer. Rengoku x OC)

Tokyo Revengers Oneshots

KNY Oneshots

Alpha (original work)

The question is timing (Naruto/KNY crossover. Sakura centric)

JJK - Balance (Jujutsu Kaisen. Various)

plane ideas and sleep deprivation

poetry (original work)

The Good In You (MCU. Steve Rogers x OC)

Prompts (various)

Soulmates (various)

AU Oneshot Ideas (various)

Dark Drabbles

Joyce Summers. Assassin. Conman. Thief. Mother. (BtvS. undecided)

A Slayer in Hawkins (Stranger Things/BtvS crossover. undecided)

Quest for the Ages (Divergent: Eric x OC Quest)

dreaming of falling (Divergent: Eric x oc Quest)

well well look who's at it again (SoA. Jax Teller x oc)

season 2 (SPN. sequel to Crossfire Sam x OC)

season 3 (SPN. third in Crossfire series - Sam x oc)

Ice Ice Baby (Stranger Things. Eddie x oc Emma)

favours (leverage. undecided Eliot x oc or Quinn x oc)

For the Children (Leverage. Eliot x oc)

Between Discord and Rhyme (Teen Wolf. Derek Hale x oc)

Riptide (Spencer Reid x oc)

Skywalker rewrite (Star Wars. various)

Les Tres Geckos (From Dusk til Dawn. Richie x oc)

Coffee Shop AU (original)

Fae Mafia (original)

this isn't even all of them...

tagging: @arrthurpendragon @faithfire @rey-of-luke @mabonetsamhain @chickensarentcheap @residentdormouse @renhoeku @comatosebunny09 and anyone else who wants to join in/share

[manoelt-finisterrae]

pinga dunha onda

ser ti ti como un porque de quererche baleira ser a cama das olladas onde habita a soidade porque choras nace a sombra o sexo de ser non soa tola cansa tan fermosa en estar

© Manoel T, 2023