#not completely happy with the glazes here but i’m experimenting a lot recently

[spacerockband]

winter dragon, baby basilisk, and american hoop snake

[cali-holland]

Learn To Be Lonely, Ch. 2: The Longest Happy Hour

Tom Holland X Reader, Soulmate!AU

In a world where two souls are destined for each other, is it possible to find love when your other half has passed- or are you truly destined to have a lonely heart forever?

Word Count: 2500

Learn To Be Lonely Masterlist

Masterlist   Tom Holland Masterlist

*gif is not mine*

A/N: Sorry for not posting this sooner, major edits were made...

~~~

Happy Hour- what a lie that was.

Your new coworkers had invited you to join them for Friday’s Happy Hour, and you went with them, thinking it’d be a decent way to make new friends in this new place. While you enjoyed the down-priced drinks and appetizers, your coworkers were much more concerned with themselves than with you, which led to you nursing a drink in the corner of the bar alone.

Your first month in England was finally over. Your apartment was starting to feel more like home. Now with a dresser, a desk, a bookcase, and even a trash can, it felt a lot homier than it had felt before when it was just a bed and nightstand. Your suitcases were tucked away in the closet, and your clothes were all folded into the dresser drawers. You had a few decorations and pictures up hanging from your walls, so that they weren’t so menacingly bare.

You really, really missed New York. You missed your life before your 23rd birthday. You missed Kate, and you missed Leo even though you two were never that close. You missed going to Happy Hour with your old coworkers that, while you weren’t close friends with any of them, would gladly drink away their troubles with you.

It wasn’t like you had no friends in Kingston. You had Daisy and sort of Harrison. You didn’t want to think about how sad it was that your only real friend was your roommate, the person you’re contractually obligated to tolerate on a daily basis, with your second closest friend being more of an acquaintance and he was your roommate’s boyfriend that spent most days of the week at her place. You and Daisy got along well though. You introduced her to your favorite binging series The Bachelor and she introduced you to her go-to series Love Island. You were lucky to have a roommate like her.

Ever since Ikea when you first moved in a month ago, you wondered what Daisy’s former roommate was like. Did they also have Love Island marathons together? How long had she lived there before leaving? There wasn’t a trace of her in your current room. You wanted to ask, to know why Tom was so distraught over you being Daisy’s new roommate, but you couldn’t ask. Harrison and Daisy always got quiet and almost secretive when it came to the subject of her past roommate and the subject of Tom. It was none of your business though, and you knew better than to try to figure it all out, even if you had a strange feeling that somehow Tom and the mysterious ex-roommate were connected.

“Another round?” The bartender asked you with a smile, stopping as he noticed your empty glass. It could have been the alcohol talking, but he was cute and friendly, and he had dimples. Plus, you still weren’t completely used to everyone having British accents, which made it hard not to find every male around your age attractive. So maybe it was the alcohol making him even more attractive than usual.

“Yes, please.” You smiled back as he took your glass and started on your next one. Someone slid into the barstool beside you, tapping their fingers on the bar.

“I’ll have what she’s having.” They said and you looked over, already recognizing the voice that you hadn’t heard in a month. If the lack of burning pain on your wrist was any indication, Tom was beside you. He turned to you with a large smile, “What’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?”

“Does that pickup line actually work over here?” You teased, as the bartender set down your drinks. Tom threw his head back laughing at your minutely funny joke. His brown eyes were a little glazed over, telling you that the drink before him wasn’t his first of the night.

“I don’t believe that line’s ever been successful.” Tom laughed.

“And yet you still tried it on me.” You shook your head, playfully rolling your eyes before taking a sip of your drink.

“Worth a shot.” He shrugged with a lop-sided smile, “Besides I’m not a creepy stranger using that pickup line so maybe it would’ve worked.”

“Creepy, no. Stranger, though,” You trailed off a little. This was only the fourth time you had ever talked to him and you knew nothing about him. Just because you had mutual friends didn’t make him not a stranger, even something about him made you feel comfortable, like you could trust him with anything.

“Alright, you got me there, darling. What do you want to know?” He sent you a charming smile, taking another drink of his alcohol.

“How long have you lived in Kingston?” You bit your lip as you waited for his answer, curious to see how this evening would turn out.

“My whole life. Where did you move from?” Tom asked.

“New York.” You replied, feeling a strange weight lift off your shoulders, “Middle name?”

“Stanley.” He said, making you let out a laugh.

“That’s such an old man name.” You teased.

“It’s my middle name, not my actual name.” He rolled his eyes playfully at you, “What’s yours?”

“Y/M/N.” You answered before immediately asking another question, “Got any pets?” Tom’s smile brightened as he got out his phone, showing you his lock screen of the cutest blue Staffordshire terrier you’d ever seen.

“Her name’s Tessa.” Tom explained proudly, putting his phone away after another moment of looking at the photograph.

“She’s adorable.” You smiled softly, taking a moment to appreciate how much love shone in his eyes for his dog.

“Why’d you move out here? To Kingston?” He asked, and you shook your head with a laugh.

“I need to be a little bit more drunk to answer that.” You joked. “Do you have a secret talent?”

“I can dance.” He admitted, laughing, “And I need to be a little bit more drunk to actually dance.”

“How’d you know I was going to ask?” You went to take another sip of the drink you’d been nursing, frowning when you realized it was all gone. Tom’s drink had long been finished. You asked the bartender for another round, who served the two of you happily, sending a small wink your way.

“Are you into him?” Tom asked, nodding his head to the bartender that was currently focusing on serving another group.

“What are you going to do about it?” You quirked an eyebrow flirtatiously at his words.

“Just a question. Two strangers getting to know each other, right?” He played off your flirty comment.

The effortless conversations and somewhat flirty banter went on between the two of you for hours. It was nice, it was what you needed after a rough adjustment to this new life. And it was with Tom, who, though he seemed so open with you, was still a mystery. You didn’t know why, but you felt like you were meant to be around him, and your wrist not burning felt like a reassuring sign.

“We should probably head out.” Tom said to you once he looked at his watch.

“What time is it?” You asked.

“2 AM.” He replied.

“Walk me home?” You asked, standing from your stool as Tom did the same. He took your left hand in his, intertwining your hands, and leading you out of the club. Your apartment wasn’t that far away, and drunk you really wanted to stay out and enjoy the night air- as well as to maximize your time with Tom. There were clouds lining the sky, but the cloud still managed to peek through a little to give you some overhead light, besides just the streetlights.

“‘Course, darling.” He smiled, walking down the street with you. His hand never dropped yours and you leaned in closer to his side. You felt a few drops of rain tickle your face before it started to sprinkle. You felt Tom tense beside you, clutching your hand a little bit tighter.

“Don’t like the rain?” You asked.

“I’ve just had bad experiences with it.” He stated. 

“Have you ever danced in the rain?”

“Now why would I do that?” Tom laughed lightly. You stopped walking and turned to him. The rain shifted from sprinkles to actual rain, making you smile as you teasingly began to dance, pulling Tom’s right hand with your movements.

“Because it’s fun. Come on, dance with me.” You encouraged him. Tom couldn’t hide his smile as he listened to you and started to sway his body with yours. Chest to chest, you were pressed up against each other, enjoying your time together. Your dance session was cut short by none other than Mother Nature herself who made the clouds start to pour rain. Though you and Tom were already soaked, you both dodged for cover at an empty bus stop, laughing from the weather.

“Must be hard to dislike rain when you live here.” You said, once the two of you had calmed your laughter down. Tom nervously played with your fingers.

“I didn’t always dislike the rain. It’s more of a recent thing.” He explained. Sensing his uneasiness, you dropped the topic.

“I wanted a new life.” You spoke up after a few silent moments. “That’s why I moved out here.”

“You didn’t have to tell me.” Tom said, feeling a little guilty that you had remembered to answer his question.

“I saw drunk Tom dance, it’s the least I could do.” You replied with a small shrug.

“Can I ask what was so bad about your old life?” At his words, you silently took off the bracelet on your left wrist, the only thing covering your faded mark.

“I’m a solum now, forever destined to be incomplete.” You quietly admitted, your voice just barely above a whisper. Tom gently ran a finger over your mark before wordlessly grabbing your wrist and placing a small kiss to the faded symbol.

“You’re not incomplete to me.” He spoke softly. Looking into his warm brown eyes as he continued to lightly trace over your mark, you felt yourself getting drawn into him again. You wanted to kiss him, wanted to share that new level of intimacy with him, but you couldn’t. You were the solum, not him; he had someone out there, you didn’t. He wasn’t your soulmate; he most likely hadn’t found his soulmate yet. You weren’t supposed to kiss someone who isn’t your soulmate, and you definitely weren’t supposed to feel this way about someone who isn’t your soulmate.

When the rain had cleared up after the rather short storm, you and Tom started to make your way back to your apartment. Your fingers mindlessly intertwined together, you posed the thoughtful question that had been on your mind ever since you met him, “Do you believe in fate? In being destined to meet someone? Other than your soulmate, I mean.”

“What do you mean then?” He asked, a curious smile on his face.

“Like us. We’re not soulmates, but I don’t know, I feel like I was meant to know you. We had four chance encounters, fate’s got to play a role in all this somehow.”

“I think you’ve had a bit too much to drink tonight.” He laughed lightly at your thought-provoking words, “But if you believe we were destined to meet each other, then I believe that, too.”

“I’m serious. I feel like the universe wants us to know each other, even if it didn’t write us out as soulmates.” You let out a small sigh, before laughing, “I probably have had too much to drink. The night air’s getting to my head.”

Tom just chuckled and the two of you continued on. You made it back to your apartment in the early hours of the morning. Knowing Daisy had stayed at Harrison’s, you weren’t too concerned about being the noisy roommate. Just as Tom was dropping you off at the door, it began to rain heavily again. 

“You can stay if you’d like.” You offered, feeling Tom’s uneasiness with the change of weather. You didn’t even know how close his place was to yours, and you weren’t about to make him walk home alone.

“I’d hate to be a bother.” He shook his head, and you remembered back to the day at Ikea. Something had to have happened between him and Daisy’s old roommate, and you were still left out of the loop. You let out a small sigh.

“I know you were upset about me moving in here, but really, I don’t want you to go home alone, especially in the rain since you don’t like it.” You said, reassuringly squeezing his hand in yours. He paused for a moment, unsure of what to do. Swallowing down a lump in his throat, he nodded.

“Alright, I’ll stay.” Tom caved into your convincing. You smiled softly at him, leading him into your apartment.

“Do you need a change of clothes?” You asked him as you entered your bedroom, shuffling over to your dresser to get out a pair of pajamas for yourself.

“Um, y-yeah, if you don’t mind.” His voice shook, stepping into the room. You watched as his eyes scanned around it. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking, what had happened with Daisy’s old roommate, but you could see the sorrow in his face as his chest deflated a little. 

“Here. They’re my best friend’s fiance’s. I know, it’s weird, but she left them here.” You held out a pair of Leo’s sweats and a t-shirt of his to Tom.

“Thank you.” He replied, taking them from you and going to change out of his wet clothes in the bathroom. You quickly changed into your pajamas, enjoying the freedom of having dry clothes again. You went to the kitchen and got out two glasses of water and some pain reliever, knowing you and Tom might need it in the morning because you could still feel the alcohol pulsing through your system.

When you got back to your room, Tom was already in there. He was staring at the dresser, running a finger along it, before looking around the room. He let out a small sigh, rubbing over his heart a little bit.

“Tom?” You spoke up, stepping into the room and he hummed, looking over at you. “I just- you can stay here, if you’d like. If it’s too hard on you-“

“Why would it be too hard?” He asked, putting on his best front of a bright smile. He thought that maybe you couldn’t tell he was aching on the inside. You sat down on your bed.

“I know something happened between you and the girl that used to live here, and this room is bringing back some type of sad memories.”

“Look,” He sat beside you, taking your hands in his, “Her name was Vanessa, and I met her through Daisy. She-“ He paused, searching for the proper words, “She moved out unexpectedly, and it just happened so quickly.”

“Was she close with Daisy, too?” You asked. “If I’m overstepping-“

“No, you’re fine. It’s just hard to talk about, and there isn’t much to talk about. Vanessa was closer to me than she was with Daisy and Harrison.” He explained, and you processed his words for a moment, furrowing your eyebrows in thought.

“So you and Vanessa were-?” You trailed off, unsure  if you wanted to ask if they were somehow soulmates, in a relationship, just friends, or somewhere between all that. Hell, you didn’t even know what you’d consider your current status to be with Tom- were you acquaintances or friends?

“No, just friends.” Tom fiddled with his watch nervously, the watch he wore to cover his mark. He cleared his throat, “I’ll stay here with you, if that’s alright. I kind of have trouble sleeping, especially with the rain.”

“You must be incredibly sleep deprived then.” You laughed, shifting yourself up the bed so that you could climb under your covers. You patted the spot beside you as a way to tell him he could join you.

“You have no idea.” He got into the bed beside you and wrapped his arms around your waist. You’d never shared a bed with a boy in this context before. He was sweet and respectful, and he was really starting to grow on you. Snuggling into his chest, you fell asleep easily, enjoying the comfort of his embrace.

~~~

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[jadenoon]

Abandoned

TW // Suicide, Self-harm

He waited on the swings for her. His feet anxiously dug into the dirt he sat above as the palms of his hands clenched the rusty metal supporting his weight. Rust that had time to set in for years after the park was completely abandoned. Something about this abandoned park felt like home, he just didn’t know why. 

That was when he saw her, nervously looking from side to side as she made her way on over to him. 

He watched her light brown hair sway with each step on the park’s mulch as it had when they used to meet every day at the abandoned swing set. He missed her smile, it had been a while since they had last visited the vacant park together. 

She plopped down on the aged seat of the swing next to him, a solemn expression plastered onto her beautiful but seemingly tired face. Such an expression formed a lump in his throat making it hard for him to breathe. He hadn’t seen her since the incident. 

He watched her lips part and then seal close multiple times as if she was trying to form a sentence. She finally stopped trying and just bit her lower lip. 

He couldn’t lose her. She was his light in dark times, the only stable thing his my life. He needed her. 

He started to take breaths in a short and stuttering motion as if anxiety itself was sitting upon his chest, forcing all the air out of him.

“W-what’s wrong?” he finally managed to ask, but he didn’t want to know. He didn’t want anything to be wrong.

They had been together for almost a year now, in his mind things couldn’t end so soon. 

“I think it is best we go our separate ways, I can’t help you,” she looked scared, started to cry, her eyes wide, “I found out about what happened. I-I just can’t.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, but he knew she was referring to two nights ago when he was rushed to the hospital. 

He felt like crying but his eyes stayed dry as he watched her with an intense sense of dread. Tears stroked her cheeks as gravity pulled the salty droplets to the ground.

“Don’t you get it?!” her voice started to raise, “I don’t understand what is going on with you. I can’t be with you like this, I can’t help you!”

he tried to reassure her somehow knowing that it was no use. His voice cracking with each sentence he managed to form.

“B-but you can help me, you have-”

He stopped in the middle of his sentence as she started to vigorously shake her head. 

He tried to reach out to her, to reassuringly grab a hold of her hand, as he used to rub circles with his thumb against her palm; But as he reached forward she jerked back, manicured nails reaching into her handbag for the pepper spray that she brought. 

Why would she have brought pepper spray?

His eyes widened.

She apologized over and over as she started to get up from the swing, the bottle of pepper spray still tight within her grasp. And then she backed up, turned around, and ran towards the car as if he was going to shoot her at any minute. As if he were somehow unpredictable, broken beyond repair. 

And soon he was left there abandoned by the swings. Somehow this sensation felt similar to him as he watched and heard her car turn on, headlights lights flickering as she backed out of the desolate parking lot. 

He bit his lip as tears started to pour out of his eyes. He frantically started to wipe the tears away as they dripped down his chin. 

In a frenzy, he scraped his arm against the edged rusty metal. The jagged chains tore into his recently stitched-up cuts, opening both old and new wounds. He stopped what he was doing, frozen as a searing pain consumed his whole hand and arm. The tears continued to stream down his cheeks but he stopped wiping them, his eyes blurred as he stared at the mess of blood oozing down his arm. The same arm he always etched into with a kitchen knife when emotion was threatening to rip him apart. 

He never saw what he was doing in such a light; the light of those who never could and never understood. Pieces of the rusty metal nested into his own deformed skin. He bit into his tongue stifling a scream.

How could he have done this to himself?

And suddenly, just as his Ex was, he was terrified of himself and what he could and would do to his own body. 

The most immediate impact we can inflict is damage. We can’t heal as fast as we can hurt ourselves. He couldn’t just bandage his disfigured severely injured arm and hope everything would be alright, these types of scars would stay with him forever; Reminding him of how lost he would always feel, reminding him of why the people in his life always left him, reminding him of the hospital trip that scared his Ex off in the first place. 

It hurt, throbbing pain-causing his own fingers to shake. He wasn’t even sure how to stop the bleeding. He just didn’t want to deal with it all anymore. If the whole rest of his life would be left defined by his past mistakes, he didn’t he wanted to carry on. 

The abandoned park was situated nearby a rushing river and he thought drowning wouldn’t be a bad way to go. He wasn’t thinking. His eyes had glazed over and now he was just aimlessly walking, no fear to block his path; Instead, desire and grief led the way.

He thought about who might miss him. 13 years in foster care, switching from home to home and he could surely say no one. He had acquaintances who would be shocked but not care enough to spend a night thinking about it. His ex-girlfriend was the one who left, to care would be looking back. He believed she was too scared of him and what he had become to look back. 

By now he was already waist-deep into the freezing waters which forced their way past him, rushing toward the sea, to a greater expanse miles away. As soon as the numbing water of the river rushed across his body and into the open gashes covering his arm, once again, pain threatened to tear him apart, something that he would now allow. 

Bubbles of air escaped his nostrils when he sank as the rocky floor underneath him suddenly dropped. He held his breath, his lungs gasping for air he wouldn’t allow in. He started to feel weary. He took a quick breath but inhaled water. The force of the water was too strong and it started to pull him, drag him farther into its yearningly strong current. And as quickly as he started to drown, pain shot at him in the head as he slammed into an angular rock, and he was out cold. 

When he opened my eyes he felt the warmth of a jacket, sitting on the very same swing he was resting on just moments ago. Twinkling watch-full eyes stared into his, the same color and shape as his own. A face that looked exactly like how he would imagine his birth mother to look, except she wasn’t smiling. 

“I’m sorry,” she cooed, stroking his dark black curls. He felt her gentle hand brush into his hair and he leaned into it. 

His feet were too small and short to touch the ground, leading him to believe he was about 5 years old in this dream-like state he was experiencing but everything played out like a memory. And he remembered none of it. 

She started to stand up, her hands clutching her bag tightly, and then she fast-walked towards her car. 

He called out to her asking where she was going, but she didn’t reply, and instead pulled out of the parking lot. The word abandoned flashed through his mind as he blinked, a scene all too similar to what just happened with his Ex. 

Why was none of this a part of his collective memory?

“Where is your mom?”

The park started to pack in with other kids throughout the rest of the day. Concerned mom’s asking the same question he didn’t have an answer to himself. One mom stood by him for the rest of the day. Waiting with him for his mom to come back, to take him home with her. Of course, that didn’t happen and he was left abandoned again as soon as child services answered the phone. 

Memories of foster care: switching from home to home, never finding a family willing to take him in for more than a week, flashed through his mind. The fear/confusion terrorized him throughout the day, as everyone kept him oblivious to what was going on.

He would sneak out and visit the once crowded park every day in the evenings in case his mother ever came back for him. That became harder once it was discovered that the park was broken and unfinished. The gates to the park were closed and the whole area became a dangerous space of broken equipment that no one wished to visit anymore. The park may have been abandoned but he wasn’t going to abandon it. 

It was like his mind had blocked out all the hurtful memories he used to keep of the day his birth mother left him; as if to protect him from the truth that he had been abandoned repeatedly. That explained the anxiety he constantly felt, the fear that consumed him whenever he let anyone get too close. He was constantly afraid of people leaving and now he knew why. His mind must have known he wouldn't be able to take it, yet the roots of his problem throughout the years stayed engraved within his mind, stealing all the nutrients from his brain, preventing him from living a happy life. That was why this abandoned park felt like home because both the park and the man shared similar experiences and history. 

But he wouldn’t have to worry about that anymore. In his mind, he apologized to the park for deciding to leave so suddenly, for abandoning the area as everyone else once did.

Abruptly, chest compressions startled him awake. Cold. It was the cold that alarmed him as he awoke in shock, his soaking clothes clinging to his body like paste. 

"Are you okay?"

The voice sounded like a mix of voices, his mom's, and then the mom who had handed him over to the foster care system, and then his Ex. His head was spinning. The face that stared back at him was blurred by the tears that overflowed his eyes. 

Why was he back here? 

Was this some sort of horrible joke? 

The one time he wished to be left abandoned, he was not. He wondered if the deserted park ever wished to be knocked down, only to be left standing in its despaired state. 

"Are you okay?" the all too familiar voice sounded again. 

"no." 

His answer may have come out small, shaky, and weak but in his twisted shattered mind it was projected from a speaker put on replay, reminding him that he was broken beyond repair and that was why he would constantly be abandoned when it mattered the most to him. 

Nothing could have possibly been more terrifying than that truth.

[hedwigstalons]

High Expectations - Ch15

Yup, this beast is still going and still growing.  Life sapped my energy so it has been a lot longer between updates than I would have liked but I’ve been experimenting with writing out of sequence to make use of whatever creativity I can grasp.  The plus side of this is that ch16 is in the editing stages and ch17 is also half written.  But anyway....it’s taken a while but here is ch15 in the saga that has become affectionately termed ‘Bad Jeff’.

@willow-salix has been wonderful at helping be fix the plot holes and pick out the parts where I contradicted myself.  I now have a proper timeline though (funky multicoloured spreadsheet and everything) so I shouldn’t tie myself in knots so much with the boys ages and milestones.

Earlier parts: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen

AO3 chapter link

Chapter Fifteen

The incoming call notification had Virgil scrambling for his phone, fumbling with the handset while trying to swipe a call accept icon that suddenly seemed too small and fiddly to be practical.  It took him three hasty attempts before managing to complete the action correctly, allowing him to finally speak to the brother who had been frustratingly out of contact.  Scott had been in LA for three days and Virgil was now desperate for news but he had promised he wouldn’t interfere lest he call at the wrong moment and inflame matters further.  It had been a nail-biting wait, forcing himself to be patient and trust Scott to call when he could.

“Scott, how is it?”  It took him a moment to register that the face on the screen wasn’t Scott’s despite what the caller ID proclaimed.  “Gordon?”  He was surprised to see a younger brother rather than an older one.

“Don’t sound so pleased to see me.”  There was an air of the old teasing Gordon making a slow return.

“Sorry.   Of course I’m pleased to see you,” and he genuinely was, the face that looked back at him was still too thin and pale for comfort but the hair was clean again and the eyes had lost their haunted glaze, “I just wasn’t expecting it.  Where’s Scott?”

“He’s here too.”  The scene on Virgil’s screen shifted quickly as the handset at the other end was spun round to reveal its rightful owner who gave a little wave.  “He said he was going to call you so I asked if I could go first.”

“Well, how are you?”

“I’m....okay.”  Virgil had made him promise in the past not to lie about how he was feeling, it was one of the reasons he had been pulling away; it didn’t count as lying if you just omitted the truth.  “It’s been a strange few days.”

“I’ll bet.”

“For a start I’ve found out that flyboy over there gets ever so twitchy if anyone else is at the controls of a plane.  You’d best hope you never have to take him as a passenger in that bumble bee of yours if it ever gets off the drawing board.  Or was it more like a turtle, that beast was green wasn’t it?”  The look of fear that crossed Virgil’s face would have been comical if it wasn’t so genuine and Gordon was given the sudden reminder that, as far as Virgil was concerned, he wasn’t meant to know about their father’s vision.  He was quick with his reassurances.  “It’s okay, Dad told me about his rescue plans”

“He still won’t tell Alan though” Scott called out from across the room, “Dad has taken him out to fetch ice cream so we can talk freely for a few minutes.”

“Ice cream?”

“Yeah,  I think he’s just trying to cover some of his own guilt.  He’s still no Dad of the year though.”  Scott's tone was derisive and Virgil could tell that tensions must still be running high.  “He’s going to have to tell him sooner or later, he can’t just spring it on the kid that he is being dragged out of school and shunted across the world when the island move happens.”

“What, you mean like he gave us time to prepare for the move to LA?”  Gordon snorted.  “I don’t know about you guys but me and Alan didn’t exactly get much warning when we left Kansas.”

This surprised the older two who had known all about the plan, the many arguments were etched in their memories.  In this case the problem child had been John.  Scott had been making the transition from university to the Air Force and Virgil had been busy preparing for his studies at Denver but John had been on a path that didn’t align with their father’s business plans.  The fifteen year old, with a coveted place at Harvard nearly in his grasp, had begged to stay so he could finish high school without interruptions; he had worked hard to stay two grades ahead of the curve and an inter-state move could undo it all.  Of course letting John live alone had been out of the question, and Jeff had not been prepared to delay the move, leading to  flares of temper and defiance that none of them had realised the middle child was capable of.  It was only when Grandma stepped in, offering to return from New Mexico to become custodian of the farm and care for John during that final year that their father relented.  With all of the concerns over John and his university dreams it hadn’t occurred to either of them that the youngest two hadn’t been told about the move.  Evidently their father’s policy of ‘need to know’ was long running. 

“Don’t worry Gords, Scott and I will make sure that Alan gets told.  If Dad’s idea happens, and knowing Dad it probably will, Alan won’t just have another move sprung on him.  I promise.”  There was sincere honesty in those deep brown eyes and Gordon gave a subtle nod of thanks.  “So tell me everything that has been happening over the last few days.”

Gordon recounted everything that had happened since Scott’s arrival, prompted by said older brother if he missed anything out.  Virgil winced at the revelations.  Even with the sanitised highlights he could tell that the last few days had been an emotional rollercoaster.  In some cases the revelations were beyond his worst fears and he couldn’t help feeling proud of his little brother who had been living through harder circumstances than any of them had imagined.

“Which brings us to today,” Gordon brought the tale up to the present, “Dad’s decided I need to learn to fly seeing as this island he’s chosen isn’t exactly on the commercial air routes.  Alan’s going to start learning too; Dad wasn’t happy about that idea but Scott reminded him that he started learning at Alan’s age.  You should have seen him up there, Alan is an absolute natural.”  Gordon’s voice glowed with pride at the achievements of his little brother.

“You didn’t do badly yourself” Scott cut in from across the room.

“So why were your knuckles white the whole time?”

“Hey, as you said, I just like being the one in control.  It was no different when Dad was piloting and he’s clocked up more flight hours than the rest of us put together.”

“I can just imagine it” Virgil snorted, “you should’ve seen him supervising John when he was learning to drive.”

Gordon glanced across at Scott who had visibly paled at the memory, before turning his attention back to Virgil. “So yeah, I’ve now got to fit in pilot training and exams around getting back up to strength for WASP selection.”

“And WASP is definitely what you want?  You aren’t just going along with it so you can get away from Dad?  I know you’ll be able to do it, but please don’t enlist unless you’re really sure.”

Gordon wasn’t sure if that was the concerned older brother or the family pacifist speaking; WASP was still military after all and Virgil had made no secrets of his thoughts in that direction.  But equally Virgil knew how stubborn he was and how he would never back down from a challenge and had managed to resolve his difference with Scott over the Air Force so he chalked the questions up to brotherly concern.

“Yeah, I’m sure.  It’s a good life Virg, something I can really make a career out of and the opportunities for officers…”

“Officer?” This definitely surprised the distant sibling.  The widened eyes elicited a slight blush from Gordon.

“Um, yeah, that was Scott’s idea.”  He was still having a little trouble reconciling himself to the notion that he was cut out to lead.  

“Not just my idea” said brother called out from his perch on the bed, “the Marineville lot wanted to transfer you to officer training too.  This time round you’ll just be applying for the officer steam from the beginning.”

“As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted,”  Gordon shot Scott a glare of mock indignation, earning a chuckle from Virgil “it’s a good life.  And yes, this time I’ll be trying out as an officer.  I’ll have to redo the aptitude tests, different benchmarks and all that, but we’ve been looking into it and my scores were already at the right level.  There’s just one additional aptitude test for officers that I never took before.  I’ve tried an online practice test and did ok so I should be alright.  I’m booked in to take it for real in a fortnight.  After that it’s selection at Marineville again and then hopefully I’m in.  It’ll take a few months but by the summer I should have my first posting.  The officer intakes don’t happen as frequently as junior ranks so I’ve got time to train.”

“You seem to have it all mapped out and not a college course in sight.”

“Nope.  Thanks, both of you.  It’s...it’s been a hard few months and I couldn’t see a way out of it all.”

There was a noticeable slump in Gordon’s posture and the light went out of his eyes as the memories of his recent trials flooded back in.  It broke Virgil’s heart to see how on a knife edge his brother still was and he knew he and Scott would need to keep a close eye on their younger sibling for a long while yet.  At least Gordon had a goal to work towards again; they both knew his steely determination and drive to succeed. Once he had set his sights on a challenge nothing would stop him, the Olympics had proved that.

“Any time.  And don’t be a stranger.  If Dad starts getting on your case again or you just need to talk to someone you know where I am.  I’ve been told my couch is pretty comfy too if this new schedule of training and flying lessons allows you any time off.”

“Admit it, you just want me back for my cooking” Gordon smirked.

“Maybe…” Virgil gave his best puppy dog eyes, eliciting a chuckle from both his brothers.

Any further chatter was interrupted by the sound of the apartment door crashing open, announcing the return of Jeff and Alan from the grocery store, followed by Alan’s shouts that if they didn’t get out there quick there would be no chocolate chip left for them.  Both knew better than to treat this as an idle threat so with a hurried goodbye to Virgil they departed to claim their portions.

 xoxoxox

Life soon settled into a new routine.  Jeff still rarely made it back for dinner, they couldn’t expect miracles over night, but he was getting better at being home before Alan went to bed at least.  Gordon suspected that had something to do with the ‘discussion’ Scott had with Jeff the night before he returned to his Air Force base.  The voices that drifted through the firmly shut study door had shown a flare of temper from both sides and Gordon had been grateful Alan was already in bed and so not around to witness the argument.  It was just as well Tracys were good at putting on a front, by the morning of Scott’s departure the tension had been firmly suppressed and Alan had been able to say goodbye to his eldest brother without any hint of bad feeling spoiling the moment. 

Where life before the Olympics had been a mix of school and swimming, so life for Gordon going forwards became a mix of physical training and flight theory with time in the air thrown in at the weekends.   He passed the WASP officer aptitude test easily enough but the next available selection course date wasn’t until after his birthday, leaving him with several months to focus on gaining the appropriate endorsements on his pilot’s licence to allow him to transport himself to and from his father’s intended island base.  

Gordon wasn’t bad at flying but he didn’t possess the raw natural talent of his youngest sibling.  He was competent and thorough with a steady hand but he couldn’t miss the looks of pride Jeff directed towards Alan as yet again the youngest of the family performed a manoeuvre as if he had been at the control yoke since birth.  It didn’t stop at looks either, all too often Gordon found himself on the receiving end of an unfavourable comparison only this time it was against his younger brother as opposed to his older ones and the arena was cockpit rather than classroom performance.  Evidently, for Jeff, old habits were hard to quell.

This time though Gordon wasn’t facing his troubles alone.  Scott would check in with him occasionally until an overseas posting took him out of contact but Virgil was his real lifeline.  Virgil made sure there was never more than a week between calls and often the gaps were smaller if he sensed Gordon slipping back and becoming more distant.  The brother who had taken on the role of counselor seemed to have an uncanny intuition when it came to Gordon’s mood.   

The extended time around his father however was still proving difficult and Gordon found himself eagerly boarding a flight to Denver to catch a much needed break.

As ever, Virgil was there to meet him at the airport.

“Good flight?”

“It was ok.”

“Not tempted to crash the cockpit then?”

Gordon just rolled his eyes and carried on out to the taxi ranks.  To his surprise though Virgil directed the cab to take them to the smaller private airfield out of town rather than the apartment.

“Sorry Gords” he got in response to his querying look.  “You know Dad said you gotta keep up your air time and this was the only runway slot I could get.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know the deal.”  One of the conditions of a weekend with Virgil was that he got some time in the sky to make up for the lesson he was missing with his father.  “Are you alright with me taking up your baby?”

“I trust you” Virgil shrugged.  He wasn’t quite as in love with and overprotective of his plane as Scott was of his, but neither was he going to let on to Gordon that he had had a long and in depth discussion with their father about Gordon’s ability and competence before he had agreed to help with Gordon’s pilot education.

Gordon always thought it odd that Virgil had a plane but didn’t bother to run his own car, although the longer he spent in the air the more he could see the appeal.  Scott of course had always loved flight and it was no surprise to anyone that a big proportion of his allowance went on maintaining a craft that screamed billionaire playboy.  Virgil’s choice was more subtle and practical, if operating your own private plane counted as practical; perfect for hopping around the country from his central base in Denver to visit family on his own schedule.  Despite also being in possession of big enough allowance to afford it John had neither car nor plane having declared that flying commercial was much more sensible for his main coast to coast journey and he wasn’t one for pleasure flying; he was much more interested in what lay outside the atmosphere, far beyond the reach of a mere plane.

At the airfield Virgil maneuvered his little hopper out of the hanger he stored her in and then passed control over to Gordon.

“Go on then, show me what you can do” Virgil prompted after giving Gordon a quick rundown of the specific take off speed and other essential details he would need to operate the plane safely.  He settled back in the co-pilot's chair, exuding a calm confidence despite itching to keep his hands on the controls; Gordon might be his brother and Jeff had given assurances that all would be well but Virgil was still uncomfortably aware that he has supervising an unlicensed novice pilot.  

His fears were soon dispelled once Gordon started going through the motions in textbook fashion including performing his own pre-flight checks despite having watched those same checks being performed just a few minutes earlier.  A short burst down the runway and they were up in the air.  It wasn’t graceful and Gordon lacked the finesse that came with experience but Virgil was pleasantly surprised at the amount of  progress Gordon had made in such a short space of time.

The problem with flying though is that unless you are practicing something like aerobatics then just keeping a plane in the air is actually pretty easy, it’s the take off and landing that takes skill.  They weren’t making a journey so there was no real navigation to do beyond avoiding the restricted airspace and corridors used by the commercial flights and the weather was clear so flying by instruments was unnecessary.  All in all it was a thoroughly untaxing lesson, allowing them to relax and enjoy the time together.

“So how’s your project going?” Gordon asked as he banked to avoid flying directly over a village.

“It’s okay.  I’m on track to be done by the summer.”

“What will you do after that?  Move back to LA or stay out here?”

“Neither, hopefully.”  Gordon gave his brother a questioning glance of surprise.  “Got to get space rated for Dad’s project.  Me and John’ll be heading out to Tracy College for that, just waiting for confirmation of a course place.”

“Space rated?”  He had realised John would need to undergo astronaut training in preparation for life on a space station but most of the project specifics were still a mystery to him.

“Yeah.  Someone’s got to be able to play taxi service for John and I might need to take a rotation on call monitoring; he can’t live off planet forever.”

“Sounds like plans are really coming together for it.  Does this mean Scott will need to get space rated at Tracy College too?”

“Scott…”  There was a heavy pause and Gordon took his eye off the sky to regard his brother.  Virgil’s brow had furrowed into a frown and when he spoke again there was a heaviness that told of hidden arguments.  “Scott isn’t joining, he’s sticking to the Air Force.”

This surprised Gordon.  In the few conversations he had had with his father about the project, usually confined to a cockpit where Alan couldn’t overhear, Scott was talked about like Virgil was, as a committed member of the team. His role as first responder and pilot of the envisioned rocket plane had been presented in terms of undisputed fact.  No wonder the topic made Virgil look stormy, he was a peacemaker and if Scott wasn’t fitting in with their father’s vision Gordon could imagine that the arguments had been many and explosive.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.  Oh.”

“So what’s going to happen there?  Surely you can’t manage with just the three of you?”

“I don’t know.  I’d like to think there is a contingency plan but Dad seems so sure Scott’s going to change his mind and do it.  They’re both as stubborn as mules though and neither wants to give up their dream.  It’s a good project, the tech looks amazing and we could really save lives.  I can see Scott’s point though, he’s made a life for himself away from Dad and, well, you know yourself what Dad can be like for giving orders.”

Gordon knew all too well what it felt like to be on the receiving end of those orders, particularly when they were at odds with your own plans.  At least Scott had the advantage of physical distance as a buffer to the disapproval and if push came to shove, if Jeff cut Scott off as punishment, the Air Force pay was enough to live on even if it meant Scott had to change his lifestyle to suit the lower budget.

Gordon made the final approach back towards the airfield, diverting the full attention of both brothers to monitoring the landing.  As with the take off it wasn’t polished and it wasn’t pretty but it was safe and Virgil found himself once again admiring just how far his brother had come in such a short space of time.  He wondered if, given time, Gordon would join the team.  Jeff hadn’t made any mention of Gordon taking on a role in the rescue organisation, even if he was now allowed to know of its existence, but there was no denying that having an extra pilot on books could only be a good thing.  Maybe one day he and Gordon would fly together, the more time he spent with his brother the more he enjoyed the company although, Virgil reflected, if they were to fly as a team he would be happier if Gordon took the co-pilot’s position.

With the plane back on the ground and safely returned to her berth in the hangers Virgil pushed all thoughts of Gordon joining the rescue business out of his mind; unless their father issued the instruction there was no point even considering the option.  And anyway, Gordon was heading off to the military like Scott had so who knew if he would even want to join the project.  Better to just let their father know that the required flying lesson had gone without a hitch then settle back to enjoy the weekend. 

[prorevenge]

You want to mug me? Enjoy the wheel chair and permanent brain damage.

Okay, to preface this entire fucked up story, this all took place 30 years ago. My memory is not that great, and I might get some things wrong. Also, I go into some graphic details, you have been warned. TL;DR at the end.

In 1989 I was a 19 year old kid living in NYC. I was working as a delivery guy at a dingy hole-in-the-wall pizza place in Hell's Kitchen that's long since gone out of business, and living paycheck to paycheck. I had moved to New York looking for work after my uncle's construction company went under, and had found a tiny shit hole of an apartment which was the only thing I could afford on the salary I got from the pizza place. The only reason I took the job was I needed money and it was extremely close to my apartment, only a short walk down a back alley (hint hint, the alley is important).

I want you all to keep in mind while reading this, the New York of 30 years ago was not the touristy New York of today. Murders were a lot more common, you would see hookers working the corner pretty often, Times Square was a cesspool of nudey-bars and porn theaters, gangs would rob people on the subway, and it was almost every day where I lived that you would see a druggie passed out in an alley or along the side of the road.

The whole ordeal started just after closing one night in July. The guy who owned the joint, Paulo, said that I could take some leftover pizza home with me that had been sitting under the heat lamp all day, but hey, at least it was free. I had been working at the pizza place for about a year by this point, and I was on really good terms with Paulo and his brother Joseph who both ran the joint. Paulo was easily pushing 300 pounds and had a habit of smoking a giant cigar while cooking. Joseph was always in the back handling the money side of things and taking phone orders. The restaurant had an exit into the alley which I would take to get back to my place. There would usually be a homeless vet named Alfonso that would sleep next to the hot air vent behind the place who would bum a smoke off me and we would shoot the shit for a few minutes after my shift. After talking with him I started to walk home, and after I had gotten quite a distance away down the alley I heard some bottles rustling behind a dumpster that was right ahead of me. My first thought was it was some rats, until this crazy-eyed dude swung out from behind it with a hunting knife in one hand and a metal bat in the other.

I remember this guy looked like your stereotypical druggie, track marks all over his arms, disgusting clothes on, wild dirty hair, and fidgeting like no tomorrow. He started yelling and half screaming at me to give him my wallet. At that point my adrenaline was through the roof as I had never been mugged before. I was carrying the pizza box with two hands, and when I shifted it to my left hand to reach into my back pocket for my wallet with my right, he started advancing on me. He started muttering to himself asking why I was doing that and sort of grunting while jabbing at the air in front of him. At this point I know this guy is high off his ass on something or a definite head case.

He was really close to me by this point, and before I could take my wallet out he loaded up his right arm and slashed me across my face with the hunting knife just below my left eye. At first it didn't really hit me, and I was stunned for a second. It was at that point I started thinking, "this is it, I'm gonna die in a fucking alley over the 4 bucks I have in my wallet". That's when I decided to start fighting, if I was going down, I was doing it swinging.

I threw the pizza box in his face which made him step back a little bit, and using both hands I grabbed the bat out of his left hand that he was still holding. I flipped it around, and aimed for the outside of his left knee which was the one closest to me. It connected and I heard a snap when it buckled inwards. This brought him to one knee, but he started to get back up again like he couldn't even feel it. I swung as hard as I could and hit the left side of his temple which made a crunch sound before he crumpled to the concrete.

I remember being so incredibly scared, absolutely terrified. I don't remember much after this. Years after this happened when I went to see a psychiatrist for other reasons and this was brought up, and she told me it is likely because my mind was trying to shield me from the trauma of the whole experience. The next thing I remember is being soaked in blood and standing above this guy. I knew he was still alive, as he was gurgling blood out of his mouth and his chest was still rising and falling. There was blood coming out of his ears, nose, and mouth. His right hand and arm that had been holding the knife was a mangled mess with fingers jutting out every which way while the knife was a good 4 feet away on the ground.

I dropped the bat and half stumbled, half walked back to the pizza place. Alfonso had heard the screaming and come to look. He told me that I had a glazed over look to me and I was almost entirely soaked in blood. He led me back to the pizza joint where Joseph started called the cops and Paulo grabbed a bottle of cheap Prosecco we had from below the counter to douse my slash with while stemming the bleeding with table napkins.

I spent the night in the hospital because apparently I was disorientated and so confused I didn't know where I was because of blood loss. The next day I was doing better, and there were two cops that came to take my statement. After I had told my side of the story the older looking of the two cops said that after 10 years on the job that guy took the worst beating he'd seen anyone take and survive. The younger looking one started telling me what I had done to the guy which included: severed knee ligaments, broken and dislocated fingers, broken ribs which had punctured a lung, a broken femur, multiple crushed and pulverized bones, a severed spinal cord with a couple broken vertebrae, a burst ear drum, multiple teeth knocked out, completely fractured jaw, a broken nose, a burst eye, a destroyed eye socket, and a completely destroyed cheek bone. He also told me that I had hit his skull so hard there was spinal fluid leaking out of his ears.

They said that they had spoken to Alfonso, Paulo and Joseph, and they corroborated my story that the bat was the junkie's and I had most likely acted in self defense. Although I had no answer to their question of why didn't I stop after he went down besides "I don't know" and "I don't remember". After a couple days I was discharged and after just a little while I was back to working at the pizza place. Although I now had a massive scar running down the side of my face and Paulo jokingly called me scarface all the time. Even now I jokingly say to my wife before sexy time "say hello to my little friend" which we still giggle maniacally about together. I was also super jumpy right after the fact whenever I heard bottles clanging together, which unfortunately happened a lot because Joseph used to take the empty coke bottles to the recycling plant at the end of every week.

What made me tell this story here is that recently I thought about how much of the junkie's blood might have gotten in my mouth or in the slash across my face. At the time it happened the whole HIV/AIDS panic was in full swing, and the guy being a junkie instantly made me realize how much shit I could be in. If I was infected without knowing it I could have passed it onto my wife or even my children by accident. After quite the panic between me and my wife because of overlooking this we got the blood results back just a bit ago and thankfully I'm completely clean. My doctor said that if I was infected back then symptoms would have likely manifested by now as well.

So there, that is my incredibly long winded story about one of the scariest events in my life, and the resurgent panic it brought up just a bit ago. I would be happy to answer any questions you have about it, but I'm taking a flight for work in a bit so you probably won't get a response from me for a few hours.

TL;DR: Used to work at a dingy pizza place, was slashed across the face by a mugger, beat him half to death, got a cool scar, and 30 years after the fact had a panic that I might have gotten HIV.

(source) story by (/u/Squalkinsaid1)

[odysseywritings]

2 Friends go to a Halloween Party for Possible Dates

A woman in her mid-20s with chin-length dark brown hair and adorning a white collar shirt sped-walk her way to her apartment with a mixture of glee and anxiety. She sped up her way up the stairs as she called out someone’s name excitedly.

“Izzy, Izzy, Izzy!” she whooped. “I got some great news!”

She banged on the door a few times. Happiness giving way to irritation as she knocked some more.

“It is open, Rose” a slow feminine voice from the other side chimed. 

Rose opened the door to find Izzy, a woman with long curly black hair and wearing a purple robe, sitting down in the middle of the room with her eyes closed. The room was blackened except for several candles lighting various areas.

“I was close to contacting a spirit named Jeremiah,” Izzy said without turning her head. “I hope you understand that.”

“The occult stuff can wait,” Rose waved her hand. “Right now, I got something to tell you!”

Rose turned on the light as Izzy sighed and looked at her with a serious look.

“So I overheard some coworkers, I wasn’t eavesdropping about one’s DUI situation by the way, and one of them brought up a Halloween party downtown.”

“I hate parties. And since when have you ever enjoyed scary things?”

“Hey, I’ve seen plenty of scary people at work. I just need a breather from horror movies.” She sighed and composed herself. “Anyway,” She continued with a smile and twirled her hair. “There’s a certain coworker that I’m really liking… And he said he’d be there!”

“Ah. Well, hope you have a good time.” Izzy said as she closed her eyes again.

“And he mentioned having a sister who’s also single~”

Izzy turned her head. “Go on.”

Rose grinned as she was relaxing and ditching her work clothes for casual wear.

“If she’s like her brother, then I feel she’d be laid-back,” Rose added. “Which thank God, I get so tired of assholes every day. Only I’m allowed to be high-maintenance!” 

“Don’t I know it,” Izzy quipped. “What’s their names?”

“Cosmo and Maddie Peters,” she continued. “He’s kinda stoic and sluggish, so I thought he was going to be cold and lazy. But he’s very reliable, covers the other guys when they can’t make it, and lightens up the mood if I’m feeling especially pissy.”

“Yin-Yang, huh?”

 “His sister’s the same I think,” she sat down on the couch wearing a red t-shirt and maroon shorts and turned on the TV. “He says she’s really upbeat and into a lot of alternative junk. Not bad things, just out-there things. So you and her can talk about counter-culture stuff.”

“I already love her energy. Carefree and unchained by social constraints.”

“That’s the spirit! I want this to be a natural, authentic experience.” She whipped out a list with an eager grin. “So I made a list of things we should do before, during, and after the party!”

Izzy stared in utter befuddlement. Any snark coming to her were failing as Rose was about to commence talking her ear off.

“Why not,” Izzy began, “we just start with costumes to where and go from there?”

Rose blinked. “You are so right. Oh, I need to write down what I’d look good as.”

Izzy sighed and slumped back, content with something morbid and gruesome in her head.

The women exited their building with their costumes completed. Rose went with a classic black cat costume complete with black marker whiskers and fake fangs. Izzy conversely went with a zombie look with make-up used to have her skin appear rotting and her eyes discolored through gray contact lenses. Sunset’s orange and violet coloring closed in on them as they headed out, Rose having a purposeful stride as Izzy followed with a calm gait.

“So how do you think we should break the ice,” Izzy inquired. 

“First thing’s first,” Rose said. “We compliment their costumes no matter how weird they look to us.” She looked at Izzy’s zombie get-up. “Or just to me.”

“Maybe ask what they like, too.”

“Yes! Then we just have to be our normal selves. Mostly. In acceptable doses.”

“You are really overthinking this. I’d just be glad if the sister is even looking for someone like me.”

“I met a lot of picky guys, alright? But you’re right, he doesn’t seem like the type to be judgy.”

They approached a sign attached to a street light that welcomed guests to a ‘frighteningly fun time’ with cutesy skulls and pumpkins decorated on it with a 21+ disclaimer underneath. 

“This is it, Izzy,” Rose affirmed. “Rember. Acceptably weird.”

Izzy looked at her and shrugged.

“While we look for them let’s enjoy ourselves with some games,” Izzy maintained. “Wait. How am I going to know what they look like if they’re wearing costumes.”

“Oh, Cosmo will probably wear something strange.”

“Wow, you’re right. That really does help narrow it down.”

“Just trust me! We’ll find them soon enough.”

Without looking, Rose bumped into a man considerably taller than her wearing a dark green cloak. The man gave her a wretched look with his intense blue eyes.

“Oh my god!” Rose gasped. “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking.”

The cloaked man glared at her and raised a finger.

“Watch your step, you idiot.”

“Watch your mouth, micro-nuts,” Rose chided. 

The man was too perplexed to make a comeback and only looked at her again before the two girls headed off.

“The nerve of that guy!” Rose went on. “Grr! Let’s just find them and get it over with.”

“You’re not going to get on the boy’s good side with that attitude,” Izzy retorted. “Let out some steam and play a game.”

“Right, yeah,” Rose grumbled and sighed. 

One of the stands had a pumpkin carving contest and Rose took up the chance to use her frustration on a vegetable. She sat on a free chair and readied herself as Izzy went elsewhere. As time went on, the pirate-dressed judge was impressed by the contestants but was frightened by Rose’s intense carving and her creation of a screaming face. The clock rang, and the judge gave the winning prize of a candy basket to a person with a witch carving. Rose slumped, but at least the energy was out of her.

“Well,” she started. “That was a good game anyway.”

“I’ll say,” a baritone voice said from her right side.

The sound made her eyes widen and she turned to see a light heaired man wearing a wizard robe and hat smiling with a glazed look as he slowly waved.

“H-Hi, Cosmo!”

“Hi, Rose. Didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Me neither.” She paused. “I mean- It’s a nice surprise to find you here!”

He nodded. “I liked your technique of stabbing the hell out of the pumpkin. It’s a dying art I feel.”

“Oh, that. Yeah, I got a bad mood from a jerk earlier. But I’m much better now.” 

She looked at his carving with a raised brow.

“I like the… carrot?”

“Spaceship.”

“That was my second guess.”

They both laughed, though Rose’s loud cackle dominated his mild chuckle.

“By the way,” Cosmo continued. “My sister’s here too. I think she’d get a kick out of you.”

“Oh, what a coincidence! My friend is here, too. We’re like sisters in a very loose way.”

“You could say that,” Izzy interrupted from behind.

“Jesus!” Rose jumped and clutched her chest. She breathed heavily until she cooled down. “Uh, Cosmo. This is Izzy Watson. Izzy, Cosmo Peters.”

The two strangers looked at each other with mild expressions.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“Excellent,” Rose mumbled. She looked at Izzy who gave her an expectant reaction. “Oh! You said your sister was here? We’d like to meet her if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all.”

He stayed in his chair for a good while as Rose tapped her foot anxiously.

“Cosmo?”

“Oh, I don’t know where she is. But we can find her.”

“Ngk. Sure, that’d be fine.”

The trio searched around until they saw a redheaded woman excitedly bobbing for apples in vampire attire. 

“Found her,” Cosmo said.

“How can you tell,” Izzy replied.

“Because redhead vampires are really rare.”

Izzy was stunned by his nonchalance and decided to just accept the answer. The woman waved to Cosmo with the apple still in her mouth as she jogged to them. 

“He~y!” she bubbled. “Cosmo, who are these lovely ladies?”

“Mattie, this is my coworker Rose Nakano.”

“Hey, how are ya!” Mattie burst.

“And her friend Izzy Watson.“

“Hi, there,” she cooed. “That zombie make-up looks really cool.”

Izzy’s frown lifted slightly and thanked her as she pushed her hair back. Rose in turn was smiling at the two getting along.

“Hmm,” Rose pondered. How about we travel together for a bit? We never get much chance to talk outside of work, Cosmo. And Izzy actually wants to talk to someone.”

Cosmo tapped his chin. “Yeah, all right.”

The 4 traveled around, with Rose initiating conversations with Cosmo about music tastes.

“Get out!,” Rose exclaimed and playfully shoved Cosmo. “You like Thunder Star, too?! I love their riffs and goofy music videos!” 

“Same,” Cosmo softly said with a small smile. “Johnny Fingers is the best rock bassist. I love how you can hear him. It’s really melodic and cool.” He smiled more as his face reddened to Rose’s delight.

On the other end, Mattie talked with Izzy about horror movies they saw recently including a folk horror movie about 17th century New Englanders.

“And there’s a lot of historical accuracies and everything,” Mattie blurted. “I think the focus on paganism being evil is really cliche, but the movie is so tense that I completely let it slide!”

“If you like horror,” Izzy smirked. “You’ll really like ‘Grid’. It’s about a serial killer in a town that loses all its electricity in one night.”

“Ugh, I hate that image, but I want to see it!”

“I can rent it for us to watch sometime.”

“Count me in,” Mattie replied as she twirled her hair.

Eventually the pairs split off to do various games as fog was covering the outdoor party, having a blue coloring that was mostly ignored by the 4 in their joyous moments.

[snkret-photography]

Back to Me

Most people know that I follow an abridged variation of a Paleolithic/Ketogenic diet. It makes me feel the most optimal and reduces a lot of my inflammation and hormonal imbalances. Also I’ve never really been a big carb or grain persons so it was an easy transition mentally. This has just been what has worked for me to feel optimal. When I was younger, I ate whatever I wanted, when I wanted and proceeded to exercise like I was getting paid for it. I don’t have that time or energy anymore so my current lifestyle is well supported by my diet. And while I have a general label for how I eat so other people can easily digest it, I don’t particularly care to label it. I try to keep things paleo but Quest Bars are my crack, literally candy bars. I get one life and even if I reincarnate, the experiences in that lifetime won’t solidify my satisfaction in this one. So I still eat what I want, when I want but instead of focusing on the immediate satisfaction that it gives me, I focus on the long term gratification I can derive while still making sure I don’t feel deprived. It works for me and that’s all I worry about.

Recently, I started a new job, I’ll probably talk about that more in depth at some point, but it’s a very youthful workforce and the company operates in the ad tech space. Which means everyone is aware of diets based on the loose depictions they can find on Instagram; legit, no shade. I’ve been on my food protocol for about 2 years and over the past year have cut down to eating once a day, which I just prefer to be freshly made at home right before bed. This translates to me surviving the work day on coffee and water alone. Which translates to everyone having an opinion on their lack of willpower communicated through copious questions and declarations I’d rather not entertain. Like I said, it’s a new job. But whenever I glaze over the details of how I choose to eat, people immediately start throwing out buzzwords as if I remembered the definition and not the word itself. This is usually followed up with some variation of:

“They say that is/is not good for you because some bullshit study somewhere in some bullshit magazine somewhere else.”

I follow an eating protocol that works for me, my goals, and my overall health from both an internal feeling perspective and careful attention to medical markers. Added fact that I love biology which means I actually look at the basis of science studies to look at their original reasoning for deriving a hypothesis, the control of the study, who backed it, and the subsequent reporting along with the counter arguments. I.e. I look at the big picture and not just what “they say” as a basis for how I live my life and make decisions. How I eat works for me but it may not work for everyone else. I do a lot of people’s diet plans and I almost always start out with a list of carbs to intake. Just because I limit the type and amount of carbs I eat, doesn’t mean that everyone else would benefit from such. I may be an accountant but I am not a copy/paste formula. And “they” don’t know everything. Just because some people have made buckets of what Is and is not healthy does not mean that it is 100% accurate. They haven’t studied you and your bodies reaction to the blanket list that they’ve decided to impart on the public. And the public, being the public, has a low tolerance for research and assuming their own opinions; we all love when some stranger says something on the internet super convincingly and have broken it down in a manner in which we can regurgitate without much reference for what is actually said.

This isn’t a conversation about diets. And I’m no better for the flaw in which I’m pointing out. We all go to pseudo-authorities to help make formalized decisions for us on both short-term and long-term decisions. From what to eat, to figuring out our careers, choosing partners, relaxation methods, methods for creating happiness in our lives, and so much more. Consultation is one of the most common things we all do and we always tend to consult, directly or in-directly, those in which we believe have a stronger foundation in the topic than we do. You want career advice, you consult someone who has a career length or position in which you desire to. You want fitness or dieting advice, you consult the trainer or dietitian. More commonly you follow the person who competes on Instagram or ask your friend who’s always been skinny/buff, depending on your goals. You want to know how to navigate your relationship, you ask people who have relationships in which you aspire to. At least, in theory this is the manner in which people go about things. Everyone consults based on their immediate circle and the manners in which they trust other to help them navigate their problems. I don’t believe in monogamy, yet all of my friends in relationships consult me on how to secure their relationships and improve the quality of because they’re aware I'm going to advise them based on the value of our friendship and not my personal views on the matter. I know trainers that constantly tell their clients that to achieve their results, it require discipline and consistency yet their clients chief question, paraphrasing, is what they can buy to achieve that. So they in turn sell them accountability until the person can gain that for themselves and routines that are built around the person’s goals. At my gym there is a trainer who I’ve seen float the exact same workout to both men and women trying to achieve completely different goals, only changing the duration, intensity and repetition of the workout. That is so not how it works but that is how a lot of people work. “This worked for me or I have found x so it should work for you and anyone else who asks.”

This theme of listening to the “they” hit a real head recently. I greatly enjoy the role of devil’s advocate. No particular reason, it brings me joy and that’s all that matters. So going with the current is rather easy but personally, infuriating. I would go online to browse random sub-reddits and a bunch of jack-offs behind their keyboard were operating on a full level of knowledge, confidence and rudeness you could tell was in-organic. I would entertain a public discord on some newsworthy topic and was subsequently met with opinions that nobody could concretely defend. And all that diet shit I mentioned earlier. So when it was time to decide my next project, I didn’t even want to do one. I looked back on my recent projects and then broadened that to my entire works over the past year from the creation of this website to side projects I had picked up and was entirely confused. I had no idea what I didn’t like about everything as a package nor that impressed by individual projects. Even my posts were bugging me. So far from the course in which I originally set. And somewhere in reflecting on why people found it so appropriate to consult me on my own practices from an outside party in which neither of us ever regarded personally, something clicked. It’s been a very inauthentic experience. Sure I have some projects here that I absolutely adore. Yes, I have gotten to do something I love, work with people in the manner I desire, and develop my skills in a manner I never really thought I could before. Of course this has been a cathartic outlet with great growth and has had a visibly positive impact both in my and other’s lives. It has also just made me grow closer with a lot of people by opening up the realm of conversation. It’s dope. But something still wasn’t clicking. My writing was getting weaker and almost always derived from an emotional perspective. I kept trying to change my website and Instagram layout but could never figure out how to keep it in the manner I developed it. Photo-shoots had more to do with getting content out or making a quick buck on the side rather than developing an idea and creating a story from it.

I had developed a business and parts of my life on the advice and consultation of people who have no actual basis of authority. And doing things strictly to impress others or at the console of something others have an opinion on yet no tangible marker of authority is dissatisfying to say the least. I don’t like social media almost strictly based on not giving a fuck about the facade that people put on to have these amazing lives they don’t nor entertain the countless opinions of people who can’t keep that same energy. I originally designed my website in the taste of my ex-boyfriend who had never designed anything for public consumption or really taken any action on anything. Adjusting concepts and final visions on the advice of a person who just on-looks but doesn’t operate. Then I look at the approach I developed in writing to be more open in my communication about my emotions and life at the advice of all my friends who like to act like they have none, self explanatory why I should have not listened. Broaden the pattern, I had an abysmal living arrangement on the advice of people who suggested the money saved would be best long-term. In short, a bunch of opinions from people who have nothing to lose in the outcome. And it all just settled. I couldn’t take much pride in things when the outcome was based more on the advice of non-active participants than myself. Which was my own fault. I can consult the world but I don’t have to take the world’s advice. It was something I’ve always known and implemented in my life yet neglected in my business. Putting off projects because my consultants didn’t particularly like the idea or get it. Wondering if I needed to go back to the drawing board or if I wasn’t communicating it properly. But it’s not their project. They’re not putting their name on it and quite frankly, if they don’t like it then that is a miss for them. But if I put out a project I’m not invested in, then that is a lost for me that I will always have my name attached to.

So now, on the anniversary of my dive back into photography and writing, I’m going back to the original ideas. I will do things that I want to move in the direction I want. I will consult authorities and opinions alike but will make note of the differences and be sure I’m still just as invested at every step. There is no worse feeling than to have to live according to someone else’s version of happiness, success, and achievement. The manner in which other people live and operate are mere matters of comparison to derive what parts we identify with and which parts we don’t, constructing the best possible experience for ourselves. And I want to bring people the best that I have. I love what I’ve put out over this past year because no matter how good or bad something may be technically, personally, anecdotally, I have a record in which to document my growth. But what is the point of a goal if it is not consistently refined as you achieve it? So when I set out on the first year, I had a lot of goals with a lot of people who are no longer here. Now I have some goals for myself and at the forefront of them, and in the words of Megan Thee Stallion: What The Fuck I Want, When The Fuck I Want!

*And I’m still at the mall with your motherfuckin’ daddy, eh

[lostinthe-pines-blog]

Fate Doesn’t Write My Stories pt. 3 - Flashback

This is a multi-chapter story about MC, and Chris finding their way back together after years of being separated post graduation. Chris’s career takes him to Boston, a city he’d promised was her territory. But it’s not just Chris, fate has seemingly brought the entire Hartfeld crew back together.

NOTE: This is a fictional story based on Pixelberry’s Choices App. *Books The Freshman, The Sophomore, The Junior. I am not affiliated with Pixelberry nor do I own the rights to their original characters.

Tags: @jared2612

                                        FOUR YEARS EARLIER

Graduation had been a worry for everyone in the Hartfeld friend group. Where would everyone’s next steps leave them? Abbie and Tyler we’re set to move home to California to be closer to family on the West Coast. Both accepting dream jobs they were planning on spending the next few months making memories and saying goodbye to their college days. Becca already graduated, was headed West as well hoping to further her law career she’d been accepted to grad school in Seattle. Kaitlyn loved her friends but knew that this would be the end of some of her friendships as she packed to move to England the day after Graduation. Her music was getting much more response overseas and she needed to follow that dream. Zack was moving in with an old family friend in the heart of Manhattan come September. He’d always been a big city kid and he jumped on the opportunity to finally live in one. Zig of course would remain enrolled at Hartfeld not stressing much about his future plans yet he wanted to make the most of the time his friends had left around campus.

All these plans floating around the days after graduation seemed bittersweet now. Saying goodbye to Kaitlyn was hard on all of them but everyone eyes were on the parents of the group now. MC, and Chris. Chris had accepted a draft from the Eagles and would start training in a few short months. MC had nothing lined up yet, but it didn’t scare her. Chris was her future and she would go wherever he was.

The morning of Chris’s accident only a week after Graduation MC had slept in. It wasn’t uncommon for Chris to go on morning runs without her. She had felt him leave but thought nothing of it. Rolling over to the warm place where he’d just been she fell deeper into sleep. Hours later was was woken by the sound of a phone call coming through. She looked at the caller ID smiling she answered Chris’s phone call.

“Hey babe” her tone tired as she yawned.

“MC?” a formal voice responded, this wasn’t Chris she knew that much. Sitting up quickly running her hand through her hair she responded.

“This is she?”

“My name is Marie, I’m a nurse downtown at Regency Hospital. You are the emergency contact in this phone. Christopher Powell was in an accident this morning, we were hoping you could help us get more information.” MC sprang from her bed hearing these words, putting on the first clothes on that she could find.

“Yes, yes, what do you need? Is he okay?” MC asks panicked as she changed quickly. “I’ll be on my way there now!”

“We’ll see you shortly Miss, but for now do you happen to know Christopher's blood type?”

“B negative!” MC shouts not knowing how she knew such a random fact but thankful now that she did. “Please can you tell me what's wrong!” She asks now.

“Miss, Doctor Jones will speak to you in person when you arrive. I’ll see you soon.” MC and the nurse hang up simultaneously as she runs out to her car. On the short drive she calls and leaves a voicemail for Chris’s mother hoping there isn’t too much fear in her voice.

After arriving at the hospital she is greeted by Marie who she sees now is an older woman with a calming demeanor. Beside her is a doctor tall, balding, and an actual description of the word ‘wise’, they welcome her into the lobby where she instantly starts questioning.

“Where is he?! What Happened?” MC asks letting her emotions get the best of her

“I’m Doctor Jones, I’ll be treating your husband”

“Boyfriend” MC corrects him with an unintentional sharp tone.

“Boyfriend.” he pauses “Christopher was involved in a hit and run accident. A witness called it in and you should know the the police will be here soon for questioning.” Doctor Jones explains “He’s sustained major injuries to his left leg which we’ve begun treating, as well as a lot of internal bleeding. He’ll need to stay to be watched for tonight and maybe even past that. But he is awake and responsive if you’d like to see him.”

“Yes!” MC yells not a moment after the Doctor finishes speaking. He leads her down the hall to a curtained off bed where a nurse sits wrapping his leg.

Chris turns to her and he smiles through his pain grabbing her hands quickly. “Babe” he says weakly “I’m sorry”

“Sorry! This isn’t your fault!” she responds “We’ll find whoever did this to you I promise!”

Chris stares into her eyes silently and the edge of his lips turning up slightly. This would be the last time MC really truly saw his smile.

The hours pass and more of his injuries are revealed. His left thigh bone was shattered upon impact and while it took most of the blow his hip needed to be forced painfully back into place. One fractured rib and severe bruising down his abdomen, with the speed of the vehicle the Doctors said it was a miracle this was all he sustained. Doctor Jones is certain that he’ll make a full recovery but that his leg will experience a certain degree of pain or numbness for the rest of his life. This injury is not something that could be played on ever again.

Chris is aware now that he’ll have to deny the offer from the Eagles causing his plans for his life to fade in front of him.

The first two weeks following the accident were the easy part. A victory when the cops caught the driver, a day drunk asshole looking to get somewhere far to quick. Getting Chris home, reminding him he’s loved and strong. Assisting him in any possible way. MC was there the entire time to celebrate or to cry with him. She could see light fading from his beautiful blue eyes. As the months passed she noticed him finishing prescription bottles of pain medications far earlier than he should have; and the kitchen counter collecting empty bottles of various alcohols. Her Chris was dying, maybe not physically, but mentally. He was a shell of the man he was before, but she still tried her hardest to love him.

Early August almost 3 months since the accident his casts had been removed but his pain still lingered. Coming home from the second waitressing job she’d picked up to cover Chris’s half of their rent she noticed his eyes no longer a crystal blue but a dark almost black color now. She knelt in front of him on the ground holding his hands in hers.

“Christopher, look at me.” she commanded trying to keep her tone light. “You have got to snap out of this now.”

Chris’s eyes were completely glazed over and she knew he wasn’t sober, no signs of drinking around she noticed the last bottle of his medication that was recently filled completely gone. She couldn’t wrap her head around how quickly he’d turned into a mess of a human. But she still loved him and she missed his laughter, she’d have given anything to hear it again.

“I can’t” Chris spit his eyes meeting hers now with guilt and water at the edge of his lashes. “I’m disappointing you, I’ve disappointed myself, my family. I don’t even know where to go from here but i know this…” Chris paused for what felt like hours “Wherever I go, it won’t be with you.” He yanks his hands from hers and stands carefully walking toward the door. MC runs and stop in front of him blocking him from the door.

“Why!” she yelled now, no tone of sweetness or understanding left. She’d wasted all of her kindness on him over the past few months. “Why won’t you be with me. Have I not proven myself to you!”

Chris looked to the ground matching her anger “No, I have not proven myself to you. I am not good for you anymore. You deserve to be happy and I won’t be that for you. So go! Get out!” He looks to her now and she feels a fear she’s never felt around him. Turning out the door quickly she runs the mile to her best friends apartment.

The next week she spent with Zack, avoiding her apartment at all costs. The tension between Chris and MC had started to spread through their friend group as everyone began to leave the small town they’d all met in. Tyler supporting Chris understanding where he’s coming from and thinking that maybe it was just time for Chris and MC to drift apart. That fate had come for them as it had tried so many times for his own relationship. Zack accused Tyler of being jealous of Chris and MC’s strong bond in a moment of anger leading to the inevitable end of Tyler and Zack’s friendship. Tyler and Abbie didn’t even say goodbye to MC or Zack before they moved. Keeping contact with only Chris and Kaitlyn now they retreated to California to start over.

Becca had visited both parties; bringing Chris dinners and trying to listen to him, and MC taking her shopping and attempting to bridge the gap between the two lovers. Eventually it was time for Becca to head west too and the pair of friends got together one final time.

“Look, MC I know this might be over stepping, but maybe it’s time to think about you. You were so willing to put your goals on hold for his football dreams. But as horrible as it all is maybe this has been your blessing in disguise. You know you are meant for more, so take it. My cousin in Boston needs a roommate for the renewal of her lease. You should go!” Becca explains pleading her friend to not let life chew her up at such a young age.

“And what, leave him behind?” MC questions her eyes filling with tears so often now that she doesn’t believe they’ll ever dry again. “It’s been three months, I can’t just give up on 3 and a half years after only 3 months.”

“You can if it’s truly hurting you” Becca corrects her, and MC knows she right.  

Returning home MC opens the apartment door for the first time in days finding Chris is almost the same state as before except this time the blue of his eyes has returned. He’s sober now. But she doesn't know if that’s truly a good or bad thing.

“Hi.” she says softly, fearfully.

“Hey.” Chris responds his love for her had been clouded by jealousy. Jealousy that she could still accomplish her dreams and he was stuck with out his. His head throbbed and his body craved medication his Doctors would no longer prescribe. “I’m going to Maine.” he announces flatly

“Oh.” MC responds “When?” She questions. She’s not sure if she’s been invited.

“I’m moving back home at the end of the month.” Chris cannot bring himself to look her in the eye. He knows he’ll be sucked back in. He’s convinced himself that leaving her is what is best for her and for him. That somehow she’ll be able to soar with out him.

“End of the month?” MC questions looking to the calendar on the wall “It’s the 17th of August…” her voice trails filling with anger now “When were you going to tell me?”

“When were you going to come home?” he retorts and she knows she’s met her match.

“When were you going to stop downing you prescription medications? Or do you want to end up lost and alone like your father.” she knows she’s cut to deep but she doesn’t care. “You’re abandoning me, you’re abandoning us. Like father like son.”

“Stop pretending you know about my future, you’re the only one of us who couldn’t land a job after graduation.” His anger fills him now, he takes a moment to calm down. It’s clear their relationship is over. As Tyler had put it, ‘Fate had come for them.’ and it didn’t leave them with a happy ending. He remains silent until finally speaking again. “Will you be staying here? The leasing office will need to know if we are leaving the apartment vacant.”

Baffled by his words she glares in his direction. He cared more about the paperwork surrounding their apartment than he did about her. “No. I’m moving to Boston.” she hadn’t actually decided if she was going but her emotions got the best of her now.

“Boston?” he questioned “What’s in Boston?”

“Not you.” her words tearing through him.

“Go to Boston. I have no need for that City or the people in it. It’s yours.” he offers giving her the city childishly like it’s his property.

“Then I expect never to see you in it.” MC turns on her heel heading right back out the door she’d just entered.

Zack and her spent the following days packing her things maneuvering around quickly during the short hours that Chris was actually out of the house. Any time Chris and MC crossed paths fights would start and it was better just to avoid it at all. As the final days of August approached leaving became harder and harder for MC.

The late summer breeze was warm almost begging her to stay as she carried the last box of her things out of the apartment she’d shared with the man who once loved her as she still loved him. As she opened her car door she saw Zig pull up with Chris in the passenger seat. Chris got out quickly walking with a limp toward the apartment door. He was experiencing the chronic effects of the accident now and she wouldn’t be able to help him. His eyes heavy with pain,  dark stubble appearing around his jaw and the stench of alcohol potent even from across the driveway. Even now she was hoping he would beg for forgiveness and plead for her to take him back, to come to Maine with him and help him through his darkest hour. She was disappointed again watching instead as he hobbled up to the door ignoring her presence,  Zig pulling away.

“That's everything.” she called to him, “I left the key inside on the counter and signed the paperwork” her voice weak as if she were going to cry. But the truth was, she couldn’t cry anymore. She’d spent weeks doing just that, she was finally and unbelievably dried out. “Chris, I love you” she says desperately “I always have and always will. I hope one day happiness can return to your blue eyes.” she allows one last moment for him to change their fate but he stares silently at her. She nods and ducks her head into her car driving away.

[just-jordie-things]

You’ll Never Be Friends - Theo Raeken

word count: 4819 summary: the summary is basically the prompt below warnings: angsstt, swearing, underage drinking, angst, you’ll cry if you listen to the song while reading, angst a/n: so i listened to this for most of while i was writing it, and thought maybe you’d want to listen too for the effect.

[you’re not friends, you’ll never be friends...

                                                                   you’ll be in love till it kills you both]

For the longest time, you were by yourself.  All of kindergarten, and most of first grade.  That was until the boy who would soon be your best friend moved to town and was put in your class.  The new boy, who you’d learn was named Theo, was about as shy as you were and wasn’t very good at making friends.  When you’d noticed his struggle, you simply sat with him at lunch.  In a matter of minutes the two of you hit it off, and became friends.  

He was your one and only friend, for the three years that he lived in Beacon Hills.  He moved away in the fourth grade, leaving you with nothing but a photo frame of the two of you sitting in the backyard, taken by your mother.

It was by surprise when you were certain you’d seen him again, eight years later when you were in your senior year of high school.  He had casually turned the corner at the school, and you could see him perfectly clear from your locker.

“Theo?” You called, taking out your earbuds as you caught his attention.  His jaw dropped open as his eyes landed on you.  To say he was surprised and completely breath taken would be a lie.

“y/n? Oh my god is that you?” You grinned and he did too upon seeing you again, and you jumped up into his arms for a hug.

“I didn’t think I’d ever see you again” You said before he set you back down.

“Yeah, yeah me either” He sighed, happy to have his best friend back.

Now, a few months later and after the Dread Doctors epidemic had passed, you were hanging out in Theo’s apartment, as you did almost all of your days.  e was currently passed out on the sofa while you were tidying up a little.  It wasn’t even messy, you were really just wandering around, not wanting to go home.

Your mind had trailed off to the recent events that had taken place in Beacon Hills.  The whole while that the Dread Doctors were around, you’d known in Theo’s involvement with them.  You urged him to get out of it, that it was unsafe, but he didn’t listen.  Just told you that they’d sworn to him they’d stay away from you, and that he would finally have a pack, no longer being an omega.

So the night you were taken by the Doctors and experimented on, was a night that angered Theo every time he thought about it.

When he’d walked into the lair, he immediately knew what was going on.  He could smell your scent, coated in absolute fear and terror.  He ran straight into the experimentation room, finding you strapped down to a metal table.

“Th-Theo” You cried for him, and he tore the restraints off of your body angrily.

“What’d they- oh god what’d they do to you?” He asked, gently placing his hands over your bloodied and bruised cheeks.

“They- they took me” You stammered.  “My wrists, they did stuff to my wrists” You told him, and he looked down to your arms, seeing an intricate design of cuts over them.

“Oh god- no no no no no y/n..” His features contorted in what you recognized as pain and anger and sadness, all mixed together.

“Get me out...” You begged quietly.  “Get me out of here”

And there was no hesitation as he scooped you up into his arms and carried you out to his truck, driving you straight home.  He didn’t work with the Doctors again after that.

You looked down at your bare arms, seeing the same scars that had been there since that night about two months ago.  As scared and hurt as you were that night, you weren’t angry with him.  After all, he’d come and rescued you, not to mention the thousands of times he’s apologized since then.  Though now he tried not to mention anything about it, and neither had you.

And as far as you knew, you never gained any kind of powers from these scars which was good seeing that everyone who did ended up being killed by the Doctors anyways.

You turned around, looking at your friend who was sleeping on his sofa, a Biology text book open and lying on his chest.  You smiled gently and wandered over to him, picking up the book and sticking a post it note in the page he left off on, just in case.  Then grabbing a throw blanket and tossing it over his body.  But the action woke him up.

“y/n?”

“Sorry, I was trying not to wake you” You said quietly, adjusting the blanket.  He just shook his head, and tugged on your wrist.

“Lay with me” He prompted, and you tilted your head to the side in silent question.  “Just lay with me” He said again, and this time you gave in, lying down on the couch and letting him pull the blanket over the both of you.

“This isn’t as comfortable as bed” You said, but once his arms wrapped around you and you settled your head against his chest, you found it to be just as good.

“I just don’t wanna sleep by myself” He mumbled, and you hummed.

“Why?”

Because I’m having nightmares, he thought.  Because every time I shut my eyes I see my sister ripping my heart out, and worse.  Ripping your heart out.  But he didn’t say anything, just held you close and focused on the sound of your steady and soothing heartbeat.  He he relaxed upon hearing melodic sound, and you did soon as well from the warmth of being wrapped up in him.

“I just want you to lay with me” He said, and you wrapped a leg in between his so you wouldn’t fall off of the couch.  Sure, you knew the truth, you knew he was having night terrors.

You could see it in the way he would zone out, his eyes glazing over as he thought about whatever it was that haunted his dreams.  You could hear it in his voice when he called you in the middle of the night, just cause he wanted to ‘check in’ or ‘hear your voice’.  But you never pushed the subject.  And tried not to let him realize that you knew the truth.

“Okay” You whispered, your hands resting against his shoulders as your eyes fluttered shut.  “It’s okay” You mumbled before falling asleep against him.

You were sat at the library at school, working on homework that was due in a  few hours that you procrastinated on.  An awful habit, you already knew.  It was mostly quiet, so you got most of your work done and still had twenty minutes of free period to spare before you had to go to class.

“Hey” A voice drew you from your working, and you looked up to see a boy you’d never seen before standing next to your seat.

“Hello” You said and gave him a genuine smile.  “You need help with something?” He opened his mouth, but no words came out.  You sat with a raised brow in amusement to his speechlessness.  “You alright?”

“Yeah-yeah I am” He stumbled.  You took his silence and gave yourself a moment to look him over.  You figured he was a sophomore, he looked a little younger than you.  But he had tousled red hair and freckles that dotted over his nose and across his cheeks on pale skin.  You liked the way his green eyes reminded you of Theo’s.

“You sure?” You giggled, and he smiled slightly, beginning to stop his flustering.

“Yeah see there’s this.. this party that Lydia Martin’s throwing” You nodded, knowing the banshee that he was speaking of.  You weren’t necessarily friends, but you got along fine.  “And uh- uh I’ve seen you around here a lot you’re in the library often” You nodded again.

“I’m a bit of a procrastinator” You told him, gesturing to all the worksheets in front of you, and he licked over his lips nervously.

“Uh anyways I- I was wondering if you’d want to go with me” Your lips parted in surprise, the question taking you completely off guard.

“Like-like a date? You’re asking me out?” You asked, your voice bewildered as you stared at him with wide eyes.

This had never happened before.  You’d never been asked out, hell you didn’t think anyone would even notice you.

“Scram kid” You heard a voice and turned around to see Theo walking to your table, sitting across from you.  And before you could give the boy your answer, he ran off out of fear of the senior that looked like he could snap him in half.

“Theo!” You hissed angrily at him.  “He was asking me out!”

“Yeah, and the kid’s fifteen, he’s a freshman” The chimera replied, already taking one of your homework sheets and beginning to do it for you.

“Yeah well-well don’t think that doing my homework’s gonna make me feel better” You grumbled, and he chuckled as he went through the page with ease.

“No, but the party tonight will be fun enough that you’ll forget all about your frustration with me” You rolled your eyes, and didn’t speak to him the rest of the time you spent at the library.

Later that night you found yourself standing against the wall in the Martin’s living room.  A red cup of beer that was almost gone in your hand.  You didn’t even like beer, it tasted awful on your tongue but you needed something to numb your anxiety from being here, and the loneliness of standing there by yourself.  There were people everywhere, dancing to the blasting music, drinking their worries away, grinding against each other, and a few who just stood and talked with cups in their hands.

You were certain that this was a waste of time.  Theo was supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago, and you didn’t like being at Lydia’s by yourself.  The whole McCall pack was here of course, and they weren’t quite fond of you, or Theo.  Except for Kira, you often found her saying hi to you in the hallway, sitting with you in class, asking you about your day.  She seemed sweet, so you never really pushed her away.

You could see her from where you stood, dancing romantically with Scott to a dirty song.  You couldn’t help but smile to yourself at the way they worked so adorably together.

Stiles and Lydia were dancing and drinking together too, but you mostly steered clear of them.  Lydia was nice, as far as kindness goes. She never really bothered you, and you kept the neutral peace with her.  Stiles on the other hand... well he hated Theo with a burning passion.  Had since the beginning of the year when he’d moved back to Beacon Hills.  And since you and Theo were joined at the hip, you figured that the pale boy wouldn’t take much of a liking to you either.  Because of Stiles and Lydia’s closeness as well, all four of you just stayed as clear away from each other as humanly (and not so humanly) possible.

You tugged the sleeves of your sweater down over your wrists unconsciously.  A habit you had ever since your wrists were sliced open and your skin was scarred with what looked like crop circles.  Sure, people had seen before but never thought much of it or questioned you about it.  Only Theo, and the McCall pack knew the truth.  And you, of course.  You were the only one forever burdened with the memory.

“Hey why’re you being a loner?” Kira asked, dancing slightly as she came up to you.  You gave her a shocked look, but mostly since she was alone, and her bodyguard of a boyfriend was nowhere near her.

“Oh uh-uh I’m waiting for someone” You said, looking from her dark almond shaped eyes to your nearly empty cup.  She nodded, trading cups with you, and giving you another one full of beer.

“Theo?” She pondered, and you didn’t have to answer for her to know she was right.

“Uh, why’d you take my-”

“So that my friends think I drank something, and so that you have liquid frown-be-gone” She said, giving you a big sweet smile.

“Oh... thanks” You said quietly.

“y/n can I ask you a question?” The kitsune asked, and you nodded.

“Yeah-yeah sure”

“Why do you run away from us?” Your brows shot up, taken back by the question.  “I mean, it’s not like we’re gonna attack you if you sit with us at lunch” She said with a small giggle.

“I just.. I spend my time with Theo” You said, shaking your head.  “I don’t want any trouble” You told her, tracing your fingers over the rim of your cup.  Kira’s eyes trained on your arm, where the loose sleeve had fallen back enough for her to see the markings on your skin.  She frowned, but looked back at you again.  You took a long drink from your cup, trying to avoid the awkward silence that had fallen between you.

“You love him” She thought aloud, and you choked on your alcohol.  “Oh-! Oh I’m sorry I thought you knew-”

“Knew? What? No, no of course not he’s my best friend” Kira giggled behind her hand, and nodded her head.

“Yeah okay” She said, clearly not believing you.

“Um... I’m gonna head to the bathroom” You said, awkwardly pointing towards the stairs of the large house.  “I’ll... I’ll see you later?” Kira nodded, giving a small wave as you began to go your separate ways.

“Annyeong y/n” She said in an accent and language you didn’t recognize or understand, but figure it meant goodbye.  

You made a run for the stairs, and when you got to the bathroom, you locked yourself in it.

When Theo arrived, feeling rushed since he was far later than he’d told you he’d be, he tried to pick up your scent.  In hopes of quickly finding you and apologizing as soon as he could.  He could tell you’d been here, but it was very faint, and he couldn’t quite tell where you were.

Just as he’d made his way to the kitchen, he immediately caught the eye of Stiles.  The last person that he wanted to run into.  But it was too late, because both him, his banshee girlfriend(?) and Kira, the thunder kitsune had all seen him come in.

“Theo!” Kira called, and waved him over.  He looked at her with a very, very confused look on his face.  But Lydia waved him over too, so now he was stuck having to approach them.

“Um, hi?” He phrased it like a question, and Lydia gave him one of the solo cups on the counter.

“Hello” Kira spoke again in her bubbly tone.  “Looking for y/n? She’s in the bathroom, she’ll be back soon” She spoke so fast he was surprised that he heard everything she’d told him.

“Alright... thanks” He said cautiously.

“Look man I’m not dancing around it” Stiles spoke up, and Lydia sighed, hanging her head in her hand.  “Just don’t hurt y/n any more than you already have” Theo shook his head, his brows cinching in confusion.

“I’m sorry?” He asked, a slight of irritation evident in his voice.

“We don’t care whatever happens with you two, we trust her” Lydia said in a kinder tone.  “We know there’s something... there” She said, and again Theo was stuck wondering just what the hell they were talking about.

“We like her” Kira said.  “She’s someone that we.. we watch over when things here get weird” She added.  “And we know you do too-”

“Of course I do, she’s my best friend” Kira laughed, rolling her eyes.

“You two are so cute” She said, and before he could ask again what she meant, Lydia spoke up.

“You aren’t friends” She said, shaking her head as she smiled at him.  “You’ll never be friends.  You’ll be in love till it kills you both”

Coming from the banshee, Theo felt a chill go down his spine.

“Like I said, she’s just been sitting in the upstairs bathroom for like.. ten minutes” Kira told him, and he ran a hand through his hair before turning around to go after her.

But he turned back, looking at the three people he thought would ignore him (or kill him in his sleep)

“I’m not gonna hurt her” He said, and all three spoke at the same time.

“I know” Kira said softly.

“You won’t” Lydia spoke like she’d seen their future together.

“Sure” Stiles said, not too sure what to make of Theo quite yet.

Theo just nodded, and made his way towards the staircase in search of you.  Before he went up, he shot a glance back to the three he’d just spoken with, seeing, and hearing, them already in a different conversation.  He wondered if they knew.  Wondered if they’d seen the way he looked at you, or if the supernatural beings in the McCall pack had heard the way his heartbeat changes when you’re around.

He wondered if Lydia really did know about his future, if that was something she could do.  And he wondered if the future he had before him, had you in it.

You were enjoying your silence, sitting in the bathtub with the shower curtain pulled to seclude you even further.  You had finished your second beer, chugging it down in frustration, which only earned you a horrid flavor in your mouth and a headache.  When all you’d needed was to be a bit buzzed to make it through the night.

You weren’t really sure how long you’d been in the bathroom, but since you’d closed the door, no one had tried to get in, and you certainly didn’t try to get out.  In fact, you figured you would just pass out right here in Lydia Martin’s bathroom.  And judging by the parties she’d thrown in the past, you figured it wouldn’t be the first time it had happened.

The soft knocks on the door made you jump slightly, and stay silent.  If someone came in, you were hid behind the flower plastic shower curtain and no one would know you were even in there.

“y/n? I know you’re in there” Theo called.

Theo.

“Come in” You mumbled, but knew he could hear you fine.  The doorknob squeaked as it turned slowly, and you heard him shut the door behind him when he came in, drowning out the sound of laughter and party music as soon as it shut.  Making it an outside muffle again.

“Are you..?” He trailed off with his question, pulling back the curtain and revealing you, answering his own inquiry.  “Now what’re you doing up in here?” He asked, stepping into the tub, and pulling back the curtain again.  You pulled your knees up close to your chest as he sat across from you, in the same position.  His arms laying over his knees and fingers linking together as he studied you.  “You’re sad” He said bluntly.

“I’m drunk” You corrected.

“A little, but I can smell your chemo signals, and you’re sad” He replied easily, and you mentally cursed this ability of his.  “You wanna tell me why?” He asked, eyes flickering from where you’d set your red cup on the corner edge of the tub.

“Because I’m alone” You sighed, and set your chin on your knees.  He caught the way your hands tightened around your ankles.

You looked beautiful tonight, so casually gorgeous.  In light skinny jeans and a sweater, with short heeled boots that you wore often to make you taller than you are.

“Alright, come here” He beckoned you with his hand, prompting you to come sit against him.  But you shook your head.  Theo gave you a look of surprise.

“You’re the reason I was stuck all alone tonight” You told him, wanting to be frustrated, but really you were just sad, and let down.  “First of all, it wouldn’t have even mattered if you showed up if you’d just let me go with that... that kid who I didn’t even catch the name of” You said, looking up at him with round and sorrowful eyes.  “But since you scared him off, I was stuck waiting on you, for half an hour” You let out a small sigh, and stared down at your feet.

“y/n...” Theo hated this feeling, the guilt that would crash over him from hurting you, from letting you down.  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have taunted that guy to leave you alone, and I shouldn’t have been late to get here” He reached out for your hands, pulling them from yourself, and bring you closer to him.  You gave in, turning around so you could sit between his legs with your back against his chest.  You relaxed against him, breathing out through your nose.  “I’m so sorry” He said, wrapping one arm your middle, and the other hand running up and down your arm.

“Why were you even late?” You asked quietly.  “What held you up?”

Does he answer the question honestly? Or lie?

“Nothing, just lost track of time” He sighed, closing his eyes as he set his chin on the top of your head.  You closed your eyes, snuggling yourself against him.  “I’m sorry y/n”

“I know” You whispered, and he looked down, his eyes catching the pattern on your wrist, and more guilt filled within him.

“You’re not alone, okay? Promise you won’t ever feel alone again” You didn’t say anything, unsure of how you could promise such a thing.  “And the next time you even think that you are... please just think of me, because I’m always here.  You’re stuck with me” He poked at your side and then your cheek, earning a smile and little wiggle of your body upon the ticklish feeling.

“I promise” You finally answered, taking his hand so he’d stop poking it.  He let you hold onto his hand, not wanting to pull away from you.  Neither of you really said anything, he just held your body in one arm, and your hand in the other.

After a long time passed, you were nearly asleep, and he decided it was time to take you home.

“Alright y/n, let’s get going” He carefully stood up, and moved in front of you.  You held your arms up, and his hands planted on your sides, lifting you up with ease.  You wrapped your arms around his neck, and legs around his waist as you laid your head on his shoulder, already trying to get some rest.

“I’m sleepy” You mumbled as he planted his one hand under your legs and the other against your back to keep you held against him.  

“I know sweetheart you’ll be home soon” He hummed, stepping out of the tub and carefully opening the door without dropping you.  You nuzzled your nose into his neck, breathing in his scent.

“You smell like aftershave” You mused in a quiet but happy tone.  Theo took you down each step of the house carefully and slowly.

“I did shave after school” He replied, and you smiled.

“I like it” You said, filling your nostrils again with the delicious scent.  When he got to the front door, he quickened his actions to leave this party.  You were beginning to fall asleep.  You were breathing steadily and softly, and your heart beat was at a steady and relaxed against his chest.

When he opened the passenger door to his truck, he set you in the seat gently, and had to pull your limbs off of him.  He chuckled as your hands still clutched the material of his shirt, but he delicately pried your fingers out of the fist you’d made.  He buckled you in, and your hands wound around the seat belt, holding onto it and snuggling your head against the seat.  Theo smiled to himself before closing the door slowly, making sure you wouldn’t be hit by it when it shut.

The drove home was silent as you were in a peaceful and quiet, but not sleeping state.  And he didn’t want to bother you as you daydreamed.

When he arrived at your house, he unbuckled you and carried you in his arms bridal style.  You stayed in silence, even as you wrapped your arms loosely around his neck, and buried yourself against him.

“I love you” You mumbled.

It was so soft, so fragile and so spontaneous, he didn’t know if you’d meant to say it out loud or not.  He was silent still as he opened your front door and brought you inside.

“You don’t have to say it back” You said, and Theo looked down at you, but your eyes were shut as you rested.  “I already know it” He watched as your lips upturned in a small and adorable smile.  He nearly tripped going up your stairs but caught his balance before he could.

“How- what-what makes you say all that now?” He asked, as gently as he could keep his voice.

“A weird talk with Kira honestly” You yawned, still keeping your eyes shut and head positioned against his chest.  “And I always... sorta figured” You told him.

The guilt from earlier came creeping back to him, but he brought you to your room and set you in bed.  He took your shoes off and set them on the floor by your dresser, then pulled the blankets over top of you.

“Sleep well y/n” He said softly, and placed a feather light kiss on the crown of your head.  You smiled as he caressed your cheek softly, and fell asleep before he’d even pulled away from you.

He dug his hand into his pocket, and retrieved a folded piece of paper, setting it on your nightstand.  Right next to the picture from when you were children.

“I love you so much” He said quietly to your sleeping form, before leaving your room, and heading downstairs.

You opened your eyes when you heard your door shut, fumbling for the paper you’d heard him set next to your bed.  You opened it quickly and scanned over the words.

y/n, in the year that I’ve had you back, I’ve done nothing but betray you, and hurt you, and put you in a danger that i struggle to protect you from.

As I write this, i’m already late to meet you tonight, and i’m sorry for that, but it’s important that i tell you before you find out on your own

I have to leave.  I can’t stay here any longer, I have to serve my punishment with the skin walkers.  I’ll be alright, don’t worry about me.  I’ve known for a while that my time in Beacons Hills was running out, and I’ve been spending every second I could so that when I left, I’d feel satisfied with my time with you.

But during the days spent together, I realized I’d never be satisfied, and that the more time I spent with you, I was only letting you down out of my own selfishness of wanting you.

And I’ll always want you, I know that, you probably know it, anyone with eyes knows it.  But I can’t stay, as much as I want to, for you.

I just want you to know that everything I’ve done, was for you.  Both for the better and worse.  I’ve lied, and hidden things from you, resulting in you getting hurt, and I can’t live with it anymore.

It’s high time I pay my dues, and comply with the skin walkers.

I love you, and if there comes a time I return, I’ll find you first.  I promise.

- Theo

You were crying, as you gripped onto the paper and sprinted out of your room, almost falling down the stairs in your rushed and clumsy panic, you went to your front door, whipping it open , just in time to see he’d pulled out of your driveway, and was driving down the road.

“No no no you can’t leave” You mumbled as you ran to the end of your driveway in the dark.  Bits of gravel dug into your bare feet, surely leaving small bruises and cuts but you couldn’t care about that right now.

You stood in the middle of the empty, dimly lit street, his letter still in your hand, and watching as his truck drove further, and further away.

“You said not to feel lonely, to think of you” You cried, sinking down onto your knees.  “But what am I supposed to do if you’re gone?”

so long story short i heard that prompt (you’re not friends you’ll never be friends, youll be in love till it kills you both) last night when i was sinding down and ready to sleep.  but then it just stuck in my head and i kept pissing about it to @taegdcl1018​ (my wife) because i just couldn’t get it out of my head.  so i got myself to writing at two in the morning so i could put it to good use.

it was supposed to be a drabble but i got a little obsessed... sorry

xoxo ~ jordie

[yuki7900archive]

(Movie) Garmadon x Misako : What Could've Been

Here it is! The Garsako fic I’ve been working on the past few days. Of course, I don’t know the events of the movie, but that didn’t stop me writing about it anyway! Or at least, the bits that take place before the movie.

Anyway, enjoy ^^

"I don't like this. Not one bit." The blonde boy sat hunched over with his arms crossed like a small child sulking. His face spoke anger but his eyes screamed worry as he looked at the bridge below them. It was wobbly and unstable, god knows why they'd want to do this here of all places. They couldn't have picked solid ground, nooo~ It just had to be that rickety, old bridge that was pretty much only kept in the air by the overgrown branches that had wrapped themselves around the ropes.

"Lloyd will you relax. Your mom will be fine, she wouldn't have accepted the proposal for a fight if she didn't have at least some fighting experience." He could only turn to Nya with an amused smile as he snorted.

"Relax? You're kidding. My mom is about to fight one of the most feared warlords in all of Ninjago."

"So?" Nya arched her eyebrows questionably. "I think she can do it. She wouldn't have agreed to the fight otherwise."

"Well, I'll be ready to step in when needed-"

"Geez, man just chill out." Cole mumbled with a bored expression, staring at his dirty fingernails and scraping the mud from out underneath them. He had grown more fidgety with the loss of his beloved headphones. Sensei Wu wouldn't let him bring them as they hindered his concentration or something. Pfft, whatever. He didn't need music to function in life. No sir. Not this guy (that's what he told himself, anyway).

"Yeah, dude. I mean sure, she's probably never picked up a sword in her life-"

"Kai, stop speaking trash. Obviously, she has otherwise we wouldn't be here right now." Nya growled at her brother irritably, a slight glare aimed towards him. Kai brought his hands up in defense.

"Woah, what's got your gi in a twist?" He asked her with wide eyes. The girl sighed and closed her eyes as she apologized for her change in tone. She scratched the back of her neck a little.

"Look, people used to think I would fail in a battle evacuee they didn't think I knew how to defend myself. Always. It annoys me that despite it all, you presume that she can't fight, so can we please just have a little more faith in Misako? Please?" No one uttered a word, but Nya knew that meant they agreed with her. With a silent outward release of breath, she relaxed and paid her attention back to the arena below them.

Lloyd still had doubts, however. Misako was often quite reckless when it came to protecting him. She would do anything to keep him safe, even though sometimes she'd definitely be biting off way more fudge than she could chew. Yep, it was true. She'd do a lot of things to keep her baby boy safe from the dangers of this world. She'd argued with Garmadon countless times before, but she'd never challenged him to a battle. A battle he would win because if he could take on two of his team at once without breaking a sweat, then he could most certainly take down the woman that was half his size and had no experience in being a ninja.

This could only end horribly.

Garmadon was stood at one end of the bridge with his arms crossed and a very thoughtful expression on his face. He was in deep concentration at that moment, not in the real world but on the thoughts plaguing his mind, and Lloyd could tell. His eyes looked glazed and unfocused yet so serious and afraid. That was because he loved her, Lloyd knew that too.

He'd call him on his mobile and ask for Misako(as she'd blocked him on her phone), he'd bring her up in battles randomly, not to mention the number of times the woman has had "accidental" encounters with him on the streets after he'd attacked the city. Yep, he was infatuated with her still. Fighting her was probably the very last thing he wanted to do, yet here he was. Just stood there waiting to hurt the woman he loved. That must sting more than any wound he'd ever obtained.

Just then, from the other side of the bridge, a woman emerged from the bamboo trees. Her ginger hair was tied back in a regular ponytail, a silver crown atop her forehead to match the armour that decorated her shoulders. A quiver filled with arrows on her back, a bow in her right hand and a medium sized sword hanging from her waist, her dark grey suit stuck to her body shape. The skirt swayed slightly as she slowly put one foot in front of the other, only stopping when she'd reached the beginning of the bridge and the end of the grassy lands. Her eyes looked vicious and without mercy. Lloyd knew it was his mother under all that stuff but he couldn't believe it. It was so weird seeing her in that get up looking like she was ready to murder.

"No way. It's her..."

Lloyd heard Nya mutter under her breath as she stood up from her seat and stared in amazement. Everyone else looked puzzled by the tween's response and proceeded to ask her what the big deal was.

"Just wait." A rather smug and triumphant grin spread across her tanned face as she kept her gaze on the woman. The boys still had no idea what was going on, but they knew Nya wouldn't say no matter how much they pestered her for answers. Instead, they all followed Misako's movements too, eager to see what all the fuss was about.

Meanwhile, Garmadon was also staring at his ex-wife. He didn't realize she still had that armour, he thought she would have disintegrated it into nothing after their divorce. This gave him a glimmer of hope; maybe Misako did still love him. Whenever he asked in the past she'd simply walk away and say 'goodbye Garmadon.' But recently he'd been thinking that that was her way of saying yes without really saying it. Or perhaps she just didn't want to admit it.

"Misako, please," Garmadon called from the other side of the bridge, all four arms down by his side. He was desperate not to do this. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if she was hurt. Screw all of Ninjago, right now he didn't care about conquering it, which believe me was a very new feeling for the warlord. "We don't have to do this."

She scoffed and tightened her fists in anger.

"Yes, we do. You suggested this in the first place. What kind of warlord backs out of a fight?"

"I was angry okay? Look we've already done this before-"

"I'm aware of our past. And I told you, didn't I? If Lloyd was left in your hands it would lead to nothing but trouble!" Admittedly, she did have a point. Lloyd had lost an arm because of him, if he had taken better care of his son then his general wouldn't have bitten it clean off. He had a prosthetic arm now, Garmadon had ordered his team to create him a new arm as quickly as possible and they had done so in record time (because anything involving Lloyd meant that Garmadon became 10x scarier).

He was okay. Well, he was fine by the time Misako had gotten over to the island a few days later. She wasn't very happy though. Pretty livid actually.

Now they were here.

The warlord wanted to say something to counter but he had nothing. He'd brought this upon himself and he was honestly ready to accept the consequences. He was going to have to do this.

Without uttering another word, the man launched himself across the bridge at full speed. He pointed his sword in Misako's direction and cried out and he ran towards her. Lloyd couldn't bear to watch this.

Just as he thought he was about to stab the sword directly through his ex-wife's stomach, she leaped up into the air and dodged his attack completely. She gracefully flipped down onto the bridge, causing it to sway, as Garmadon face planted into a nearby bamboo tree. He got up and growled. Not even ten seconds into the battle and she'd already made a fool of him.

She smirked at him and quickly grabbed an arrow from her quiver, rapidly firing at her enemy as he dodged every single attack narrowly. They were both quick on their feet and just about missed each other's advances. Garmadon would attempt to stab her but she'd jump out of the way, and then vice versa. Misako had used up her arrows at the very start so she was already forced to pick up her sword and turn this match into a very close combat battle. She preferred long range attacks but unfortunately, her aim was not what it used to be, so she'd wasted all of her arrows at the start. Ah well, it would happen eventually.

As they grunted and grabbed and growled at one another, the boy's watched with shocked expressions. They didn't think she would last this long, but two minutes in and she didn't even look tired. They'd underestimated her, clearly. Nya was right, they shouldn't have assumed.

"I can't believe you didn't know your mom was Lady Iron Dragon!" Nya exclaimed excitedly as she shook Lloyd's shoulders in glee.

"Lady Iron Dragon?" Kai leaned forward to look at his sister. "You mean that warrior you were obsessed with as a kid?"

"I'm still obsessed with her! She's my idol, Kai! And for good reason too, just LOOK AT HER GO!" He did, and she was right. She was pretty damn powerful. Misako didn't look like she was able to hold a sword for more than twenty seconds, yet here she was, battling the most feared terrorist in Ninjago. She wasn't winning per say, but she definitely wasn't losing either. They both matched in strength, speed, and agility. Everyone could tell this was going to be a very close match.

"Garmadon taught her to fight to protect herself, but now she uses this knowledge to protect Lloyd." Wu didn't sit with his students, instead opting to stand and watch his brother and ex-sister in law fight one another like cat and dog. He didn't enjoy seeing it, he never liked family feuds. However, that seemed to be a family tradition at this point. He fought Garmadon, then Misako joined the fight, then both her and Wu fought him, then Lloyd came into the picture. It was fair to say this family had issues, and a whole lot of 'em too. With conflict came resolution though, so hopefully, this fight would finally end and perhaps a few more issues would be resolved in the process.

"I don't need protecting though! I'm a ninja myself." Wu's nephew argued from behind him.

"Yes, and your mother's a ninja too. Do you see the hypocrisy here?" Wu stated before focusing back on his brother. Everyone was making really valid points today.

The battle raged on. It didn't slow down even after five minutes of constant brawling. They were starting to grow fatigued and everyone could tell. However that didn't seem to be stopping them, they were both very determined to win. The looks of determination in their eyes were evident from the start, so the chances of them surrendering or giving in anytime soon was definitely a no. That didn't stop them trying to convince each other though.

"Give in already! We are equally matched!" The war lord yelled from his side of the bridge. Misako could only give him a singular laugh.

"Never! I will fight until I can't fight anymore!" She straightened her back and prepared to lunge forward.

The warlord furrowed his brows further as he locked blades with the warrior, their swords made horrible scraping sounds as they tried to push each other to the ground. Garmadon had a bit more strength left in him, however, so he was able to force her sword away from her entirely, leaving her defenseless. She fell onto her side as her weapon slid off the edge and onto the grassy floor below. Misako turned her head around to see Garmadon leaning over her.

"NO!" She heard a cry from nearby and suddenly-

Another sword clashes with her ex-husband's as someone stood above her. She blinked a few times in confusion before her brows tilted downward and her lips frowned further. Lloyd. Angrily, Misako crawled out from beneath him and patted herself off, his father lowering his sword and frowning at his son.

"I wasn't going to stab her! This was a friendly duel Luh-Lloyd."

"It sure didn't look like it, you two looked ready to murder each other."

"LLOYD!" The boy froze in place. He recognized that tone. That tone of voice his mom only ever used when she was annoyed beyond belief. Usually, she used that tone when talking about his dad. Never had more fear been struck in his heart than now. A shiver went down his spine as he forced himself to face his mom. The teen knew it was wise to say nothing and listen to her rant out her frustrations. Any wise comments and he was sure to be in even more trouble than he already was. He had gotten in heat before when she discovered he was the green ninja, and even more so when she found out he was spending the week with his dad.

"This fight was mine and mine alone, you had no right to get involved." She seethed irritably at her son. She could not believe Lloyd had the audacity to jump in front of her like that, especially when he'd already lost an arm in the past few days.

"Maybe I just don't want to see my mom get hurt." He retorted under his breath. He thought he could get away with it. Unfortunately, he wasn't quiet enough. His mom shook her head and bit her tongue as she pushed her hand up under her fringe and brushed it back. It tumbled into its previous position again, a little more disheveled. The strands of her hair more separated rather than joined together as per usual (much like her current state of mind).

"Well, I'm sorry. Sorry, I left the person I loved more than anything to protect you. Maybe I never should've left him in the first place because apparently, either way, you would still go against me and put yourself in danger because of him." With that, Misako stormed off. She ignored the calls from her son, and she ignored Garmadon as he held him back and told him to "leave her be".

She needed time alone.

---

The woman paced back and forth in frustration and anger, her fists were tightly clenched and down by her sides as she tried to release all the extra energy and adrenaline coursing through her bones. It was strange; her body screamed frustration yet her face was cool and collected. Very neutral indeed. I don't think she wanted to admit she was angry over something that seemed so silly now, her son was just scared for her, but her mind couldn't tell her heart to relax. It still hurt, is what I'm trying to say. Not just Lloyd jumping in at the last second because she was on the verge of losing, but at everything. Looking back on the past was much more difficult for her than she let anyone believe. When Lloyd had asked how her and his father had even met, she was a mixture of sad and happy. She explained the story of course, but she did so with a smile on her face. She hid away all the heartbreak. She always did, she had been doing so for so many years now. It felt like an eternity since she last let all of her emotions out, and now she felt so physically and mentally drained.

A sigh pushed its way out of her mouth as she came to a halt. She was stood by the bottom of the hill, the ocean just sat next to her as it's waves washed up against the sandy shore. Her pupils looked out and over to the glimmering night lights of Ninjago City, the different coloured dots kept her gazes attention as she slowly lowered herself to the ground and crossed her legs. She let herself lean back and allowed her hands to keep her propped up so she could continue to stare at the sight before her.

This is what she needed. A break. Just a little time to relax. Being a single mom, with an evil warlord for an ex-husband and a son who turned out to be the famous green ninja, was tiring to even think about. Yes, sitting was good. The thoughts on her mind could quiet down and just let her have some time to forget about this whole miserable affair.

...Even so, her mind couldn't help but wonder back to the past. Back to the start of it all. When she and Garmadon first met.

---

Misako looked up at the man that towered over her in awe and fascination. Never in all her life had she seen someone so tall and muscular...or with four arms. She wasn't one to judge though, she thought it was actually pretty cool! Kind of convenient too. But to be honest they didn't fascinate her nearly as much as his crimson, blood red eyes. She couldn't stop staring at them, they were so hypnotizing. They were looking right back at her too.

"Excuse me, can I help you?" Misako snapped herself out of her thoughts to see the aforementioned man gazing down at her with this sort of cocky and confident smirk upon his face. She wasn't sure what to do at first, her mouth unintentionally opening and closing like a fish out of water before sounds started to pour out.

"Uhm...No-Yes! Yes, yes you can." She stumbled awkwardly on her words and laughed nervously as she felt her cheeks go red. The woman cleared her throat and grinned timidly at him as she stood there, waiting for the photocopier to finish printing out all of the copies she needed. They both remained stationary until a few seconds letter Garmadon leaned forward a little and arched his eyebrows in further amusement and puzzlement.

"What do you need help with?" He said with a chuckle. "Misako." She paused and a pinch of worry arose in her stomach.

"How did you know my name?"

This made him laugh harder and shake his head, a toothy grin spread across his face.

"Your name tag." Misako's cheeks flushed harder. Of course, he read her name tag! Gah, what the hell was she doing? He must have thought she was an idiot.

She muttered an 'oh' in embarrassment and looked to the ground so he couldn't see her steadily increasing blush. She felt her heart beat rapidly pounding in her chest, and since when did her hands become so clammy and sweaty? Clearly, she was ill, maybe she should try and get the afternoon off to go and see a doctor? Saying that though this room was kind of stuffy anyway when it was summer; there were so many machines in here.

"Do you need help with the photocopier? Nothing's coming out." What? She turned to see everything had printed out. This made her relieved but also left a small pit of disappointment in her gut. She wanted to stay and keep talking to...

She looked at his name tag. Garmadon.

"Ah, no. I've finished printing off all the uh...ya' know." She picked up the stack of white sheets.

"Paper?"

"Yep! That's the word, ha-ha!" What was she doing? She never usually acted like such a weirdo in front of other people. Perhaps it was better if she didn't keep talking to him before she made a bigger fool of herself.

Without saying another word she rushed out of the room and back to her office to avoid making another slip-up in front of Garmadon. She didn't need the whole building knowing how much of a klutz she had been through that entire conversation. He seemed like the kind of person who knew almost everyone in the workplace.

She dumped the papers on her desk with a thud and slumped in her seat with an exhausted exhale of breath. She hid her face behind her hands as she remembered the conversation she'd just had, cringing and groaning at herself. She lightly punched her forehead in frustration as she muttered "stupid" repeatedly under her breath.

"Are you okay Misako?" The ginger haired woman paused before peering upward and seeing a fellow co-worker looking at her with a confused expression. Today was just not her day, was it? Everyone seemed to be catching her at the worst possible moments.

"I don't know, I think I might be ill." Misako sighed heavily as she rolled her chair closer to her desk. She rested her head in her left palm and reached her right hand out to take the documents from the other woman's hands. She handed them over and Misako began skimming over them, picking up her pen subconsciously and twirling it in between her fingers.

"Why do you think your ill? What's up?"

"Well, I was just photocopying all those files," she motions her head to the pile of paper on the left-hand side of her. "And I was talking to Garmadon, I don't know what department he's from but whatever. Anyway, we were talking and I started getting all hot and sweaty, my heart was pounding and I kept stumbling over my words. I was a mess in there, honestly. He's probably gonna tell his friends all about the 'weird ginger chic' on the fourth floor." She explained and signed the bottom of the first document, putting it at the back of the pile so it didn't create dis-organization on her work desk. She heard a quiet chuckle come from her co-worker, but she didn't look up at her.

"What's so funny?"

"I don't think your ill Misako. I think you like, like him." That causes the young woman to stop writing and peer up. The very idea of her liking Garmadon was ridiculous. They'd talked once. You don't fall in love at first sight, that's a myth. Sure, he seemed nice and funny, and he was pretty handsome too, but that didn't mean anything!

"I doubt I like him, we talked for a minute. I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me anyway." She stated and continued with her work, trying to ignore the little thought wriggling in the back of her mind.

"That's what they all say, my dear." There's a silence.

"Listen, just...don't throw the option out of the window okay? I've met him a few times before at office parties, and you two seem to have a lot in common." Misako signed the rest of the pages and handed them back to the woman with blonde hair stood in front of her. She thanked her and left without saying another word, leaving Misako all alone to her thoughts.

As she took into account the words she'd just heard, she started to go through the stack of paper next to her and began her work. She took her head away from its resting place and instead started to twirl her curly orange hair. Maybe her co-worker was right. Maybe she shouldn't dismiss fancying him.

---

"This is a nice place." Misako commented as she looked around at the decor of the restaurant. There wasn't much lighting but it was an outdoor restaurant anyway so that was to be expected. It made it kind of hard to see anything except the other tables though. She had to wonder how people worked here day in, day out. Maybe they'd memorized the layout of the place? Maybe they had night vision? Who really knew.

"I like it too. I'll leave it here when I take over Ninjago." Misako laughed.

"You are really determined to become a leader of this city! It's admirable. I don't think I could ever run this place." She took a sip of her water as Garmadon continued the conversation.

"Sure you could. Maybe one day we could both rule Ninjago." Misako felt her cheeks heat up at what he was implying and she giggled. First date and he was already using the 'we' word. He was very confident in himself, not that she minded at all. She liked confidence! It was a good thing to be sure of yourself. He didn't seem to be too full of himself either which was even better.

"Possibly. It's better than an office job." Another few moments are reserved for sipping their drinks.

"What did you want to be?" Garmadon asked her as two of his arms leaned against the table. "As a kid I mean. What were your aspirations?"

"Ha, my aspirations? They were just silly, kiddie stuff, ya' know?"

"Even so, I'd like to hear about them. What was the one thing you desperately wanted to be?" The woman thought for a few seconds, wondering whether to tell him. Looking back on it, it seemed like such a ridiculous thing for her to want- to STILL want. That small part of her that wishes she hadn't settled for working in an office.

"When I was a kid..." She paused and lowered her head, having one last 'are you sure?' moments before making the decision to tell him. "I wanted to be a warrior. Someone who fought to protect and fought for change. It's stupid I know-"

"No it isn't! Without fighters, we wouldn't be where we are now. People fought in revolutions and wars for change. I'm going to have to fight a war to get what I want but I'm willing to do it. For change." Misako contemplated his words. He wasn't wrong, she could name many instances where wars had been started with the idea of improving others lives. But what difference would she make by herself? There's only so much one person can do. That wasn't stopping Garmadon though.

"That is very true." With a smile, she picked up her water glass and took another sip. "So, did you always want to become a leader?"

"Oh yes, most definitely. It's in my blood." The man continued to explain in great detail, showing his date his plans for his volcano shaped house, or 'lair' as he had called it. He seemed like a very theatrical person too, enthusiastic and loud. It wasn't off-putting in the slightest, in fact, it intrigued Misako even more. She was captivated by his voice and his ambitions for the future. He seemed serious about his goals and dreams. He also had a lot of ideas. so many ideas that they didn't even realize they'd stayed well after closing time until someone came over and told them.

---

"All you two have to do is sign these papers, and you'll officially be husband and wife." The man at the desk showed them where to sign on the dotted line and waited patiently as the pair picked up a pen each and started to write. Garmadon signed his initials first, followed shortly by Misako. They were both eager to get it done and be on their way. They had managed to find a "lair" to live (Garmadon insisted on calling it that). It was the volcano just out of Ninjago city, the one that Garmadon had mentioned on their first date. I say found as if they'd gone looking for it. They'd simply decided to go live there. Did you honestly think any real-estate agent would have a volcano home to sell? Ha-ha-ha! Ohh, deary me, no.

No one owned that land so they took it upon themselves to just take it. Why not right? They'd never have to worry about being cold. Summer might be a problem though. But who cared?

"Congratulations! I hope you two are very happy together." The man gave a friendly smile as the newly wedded couple began to exit the town hall. Once they'd left the room they ran down the stairs, Misako's veil nearly flew off her head on the way outside. She gripped it tightly in one of her gloved hands and held her husband's hand in the other.

Her husband. That felt great to say. Just the thought of it made her chest fill with this warm feeling of joy. When he glanced back at her and gave her one his toothy grins, she beamed back at him with a cheerful laugh. Even though Garmadon hadn't bothered to wear a wedding suit or anything, and they hadn't even had a ceremony with all their family and friends, it still felt like her wedding day. She wasn't really one for big events anyway.

The duo made it outside in one piece and jumped onto the motorbike parked outside. A small sign was attached to the back of the vehicle that read "Just Hitched" in red lettering. As well as this there were some small cans tied to the bike with some string. As Garmadon shoved his sunglasses on, revved the engine and drove off, the cans hit against each other and skidded along the city road. He swayed between all the other cars as his wife clung on for her life, her head buried into his back as the wind blew through her curly, ginger locks. She couldn't hear anything over the motorbike's ferocious growling as they reached the outskirts of the city. And once they'd finally started along the empty road through the desert towards their new home, did the man slow down.

"How are you, Koko?" He called to her as he drove on down the rather worn concrete path.

"I'm good!" She cried back, lifting her head back up. "How about you?"

"I'm feeling fantastic!" He roared gleefully. Koko looked at the passing surroundings, seeing how the sand stretched for miles and miles like a golden ocean. The odd cactus sprouted from the ground and stood in place like soldiers saluting their commander (oh the irony). "Koko! We actually did it!"

"Ha-ha, I know! We're married!" The woman spoke with excitement whilst she rested her head on his shoulder.

"Indeed we are, my dear. And even better, we're going to conquer all of Ninjago!" He did a small wheelie, causing his wife to squeal in fright before bursting out into a fit of giggles. He increased his speed yet again and the bike zoomed past everything, everything becoming more blurry by the minute.

Misako let her head fall to her husband's back again. It snuggled against his soft, orange top and closed its weary eyes. She'd suddenly grown rather fatigued from today's events. In all fairness to her, it had been a very exciting day. A very exciting day, indeed.

---

Misako slowly made her way down the rocky pathway to where she'd spotted Garmadon overlooking the view. She could hear him talking quietly as she approached him from behind. She wasn't able to sneak up behind him and spook him, as the sound of pebbles knocking against rocks alerted him of his wife's presence, not that she was really intending to scare him anyway.

She stopped at the edge of the rock and stared out at the outline of what was once her home. Ninjago City. What a place it was. She had a good mix of both pleasant and unpleasant memories of it. She hadn't seen it in quite some time. She had been too busy training, and when she had become pregnant that had taken up a fair amount of her time too. But nonetheless, she was here now and it was great to see it again. So it only hurt her heart that they'd come here to destroy it.

She'd figured out at some point along the line that Garmadon had been very literal with his plans. When she brought it up casually in a conversation, he said they'd try to keep the place as in tact as possible (which was a lie and she knew it). She didn't know what to do about it either. Find his brother, Wu? That was a good start. He and his brother were polar opposites. Wu was the sun and Garmadon was the moon, and that's just how it was. But...then what? Her husband had an entire army of serpentine soldiers, whereas there would only be her and Wu. If only she'd realized sooner, she could've done something.

She flinched a little when she felt a cold hand intertwine with hers and squeeze tightly, only relaxing and squeezing back a few moments later when she remembered it was just Garmadon.

That was another thing. She loved Garmadon. She wanted to be with him, she wanted to succeed with him, rule with him. So what if the city turned to ruin? The world had screwed her over on countless occasions but with him at her side, she felt unstoppable. Telling Wu about all of this, going behind her partner's back, that could only end in misery for both of them. Their marriage would end for sure, and then-

"Isn't it beautiful, Koko?" Garmadon spoke rather hushed. "That city will belong to us any day now. And shortly following that, all of Ninjago."

"Mhm." Was all she could respond with, a horrible, twisted feeling in her gut forming. It carried on growing with each passing second as she further contemplated what to do. She was so lost in thought she didn't even realize when the war lord slipped his hand away from hers and turned his face in her direction.

"Somebody sounds tired," He joked as he turned the rest of himself around. "Doesn't she, Luh-Lloyd?"

The small baby in his hands was wrapped in a bright green blanket tightly. Tufts of blond hair poked out and cupped the sides of his face, curling at the tips. His smile and his emerald hues seemed to widen when he saw his mother's face. He made small noises of joy as he struggled about in his blanket, trying to get over to his mother somehow. With a small laugh, Misako reached out and took Lloyd out of her husband's hands, then cradling the baby in her arms.

"Sweetie, it's pronounced Lloyd."

"Then why has it got two L's in it?" The woman could only shrug as she let her index finger gently boop her son's nose, causing him to giggle. Lloyd's dad came up behind the pair, wrapping one pair of arms around his wife's waist and letting the other pair rest on her shoulders. He kissed the top of her head.

"I can't wait for us to take over, Koko. We've been waiting so long for this moment." Misako said nothing in response. "And just think one day, our baby boy will become the most powerful leader in the world. Our foes will cower in fear of him as he takes out their armies one by one. He will be indestructible."

She hadn't thought of that. Her baby...fighting wars and...no. No. She couldn't let that happen. No way. Peering into the green irises of the baby snuggled in her arms, the decision was clear to her now.

She needed to find Wu.

---

Misako had to hold back her tears as she saw Garmadon standing opposite her. He had a look of betrayal and anguish in his eyes. The anger in his eyes was suffocating her, she felt like he was sucking the confidence right out of her. Even with Wu at her side, the trembling in her feet didn't cease.

"I just don't understand..." He muttered and shrugged, a small and un-amused smile briefly appearing on his face. The warrior did nothing but frown and grip her sword tightly, the guilt filling up her stomach 'til she felt like she was going to explode. Her anxieties were swelling up rapidly too, any second now she was sure she was going to be sick. "I thought you wanted this."

"I wanted you. Not Ninjago." The woman cautiously stepped closer to her husband. "I admired your ambitions, but I didn't think it would mean innocent lives would be lost."

"You told me you wanted to be a warrior, this is what a warrior does-"

"A warrior that protects, Garmadon." Misako corrected him. "A warrior...that protects..." Her voice trailed off towards the end, it catching in her throat as it occurred to her how ironic it was that she'd learned to protect from the person intending to destroy. Heh...funny how things work out sometimes, isn't it? The voice in her head gave an exhausted laugh at it all. How the tears had fallen, how the blood had stained the ground, how their relationship was about to come to its end. The end that Misako dreaded.

"Warriors don't protect." He spat at her and she stumbled back towards Wu. "They attack. Ninjas are the ones that protect, Koko."

"That's funny brother," Wu stepped in front of his sister in law and furrowed his brows. "Coming from you."

"That is my past. My destiny lies elsewhere." The man in the white cloak shook and lowered his head.

"Your destiny does not end happily, brother. Not if you take the path you are trekking." Garmadon cackled along with his serpentine army.

"We shall see. Speaking of which, how's the search for this fabled 'Green Ninja' coming along?" The man sneered at his sibling, a mocking grin spread across his face as he stared down at his brother. Wu was not intimidated by him, he never was, and never would be.

"You shall see in the coming years Garmadon. When they are ready for battle, you shall be no more!"

"But, ha-ha, I'm ready for battle now! YOU ARE TOO LATE!" The warlord cried out as his soldiers cheered behind him. This was true, he had been preparing for this day all those months that Misako had been pregnant with Lloyd. He'd planned out attacks and everything. She wasn't sure what they meant by this 'Green Ninja' business but judging by her ally's response, they were not ready to take on her husband. She needed to buy time. So she did the one thing she could think of doing.

"I'm ready to battle too, Garmadon." She pushed Wu to the side and stood proudly in front of the towering man before her. "I'm ready to save Ninjago from the likes of you!"

At this, Garmadon's smile seemed to falter slightly. He remained quiet as moments passed by with the breezy air. He seemed to be pondering to himself about what to say in response. Fight his wife? Sure he was mad, but was he mad enough to kill her? Definitely not. He was planning on just wearing her out and then dragging her back to the volcano cave and making her pay for being a traitor. Then he'd forgive her and they go get ice cream or something. Treat yourself, as they say. Being a warlord was a stressful job. Finally, after a while, he crossed all four of his arms and leaned above Misako's head with a gleam in his eyes.

"You? Fight me? Ha! Like you could win."

"I'd do anything to keep both Ninjago and my boy safe from you. If he was raised by you it would lead to nothing but catastrophe. So here's what's gonna happen..." She put her sword in its sheath and planted her hands on her waist, a brave and determined look on her pale skin as she had a stare down with the monster that was twice her size.

"We shall fight. Right here. Right now. If you win I will stand by your side yet again and I will help you bring Ninjago to its knees." Both Wu and Garmadon were shocked by this, how easily she would give in and destroy the thing she was trying to save if she couldn't stand in Garmadon's way. She wouldn't even stand by and let it happen, no, she agreed to be a part of the down fall. This greatly interested her enemy. It was a win-win situation for him. He'd get Ninjago and the loyalty of his wife.

"However," She continued. "If I win you must turn around and leave. Disband your army and destroy all your weapons."

"Why on earth would I agree to that?"

"Because it's the only chance you have to get me and Lloyd back." She was right. This was his only shot. He wanted Ninjago, sure, but having Misako at his side made the entire premise of ruling all the more interesting. He wouldn't just have an entire island under his thumb, he'd have a family by his side too. A beautiful, and admittedly badass wife, along with his equally amazing son. That sounded like the perfect life for him.

"You're on." They shook hands and prepared themselves for battle, each walking away from one another and to opposite ends of the rocky pathway. Misako approached Wu, who gave not a look of worry, but a look of sympathy. He understood that doing this was a difficult thing for her to do. He recalled how much trouble she had coming to him about Garmadon in the first place.

"Are you sure you can defeat him?"

"I'm not sure." The woman sighed but kept her head held high as she counted the arrows in her quiver. "But if I do, we have more time for this Green Ninja of yours to prepare. If they really are the only one that can stop him, then we need all the time we can get."

Wu replied with nothing. Thinking back on it now, Misako could tell that he was worried they wouldn't have enough time, despite her attempts. She hadn't known at that moment that Wu was referring to Lloyd, and since Lloyd was only twelve months old then, he was going to need a few years. Scratch that, well over a decade, before he could even face Garmadon. And right then they didn't know when the war lord would return (but they knew he would).

A few minutes later and the pair were prepared for their brawl. Each equipped with a sword, they slowly walked around in a circle as they awaited the enemy to make their first move. The two armies stood around them and watched, occasionally encouraging their leaders to strike one another. An intense staring match went on between the pair, daring each other to take the first step towards them. Eventually, Garmadon became impatient and was the one to lunge forward at terrifying speeds towards his opponent. Misako evaded with a sideways roll, ending up behind him and using the short opportunity to strike her sword down upon him. Unfortunately, she wasn't fast enough, and the four-armed ruler blocked her attack.

They both grunted when their swords made contact with one another, steel and steel screeching as they pushed against each other. Koko was knocked back onto the dusty floor but she quickly recovered and backward rolled out of the way of her enemy's boot. Their swords met again consistently as they smashed against each other with large amounts of force. The ginger-haired female would walk backward as her taller opponent approached her. The crowd continued to cheer and motivate until eventually fights broke out between the soldiers who wanted to get a piece of the action. This was quickly spiraling out of control.

As Wu fought against some of the serpentine soldiers, Misako and Garmadon continued their fight with great vigour and force. They cried out and screamed and groaned and scrambled, both desperate to win. The warrior knocked the warlord back with such strength that he skidded against the ground to the other side of their temporary arena. He stood up immediately and they charged at each other, leaping in the air as they shrieked and raised their weapons. As their swords met for the umpteenth time they were both pushed backward and slammed into the ground.

Misako panted wearily as she struggled to regain energy. Fighting in full armour next to a volcano was hard work. Her arms ached and her legs were in agony. She was so tired and sore and covered from head to toe in cuts and bruises. But she knew she couldn't give up, she had to keep fighting. She would never give in!

Luckily for her, she didn't have to.

"Serpentine! Retreat!" Koko sat up just in time to see Garmadon calling his soldiers to abandon ship and leave the battlefield. Rapidly, his men fled the scene and headed back to safe ground. All of the Skulkin hoorayed and jumped for joy as they watched the serpentine slithering away.

Meanwhile, Misako was speechless and confused at what she'd just witnessed. Lord Garmadon had just called a retreat. He never did that, he never backed away from anything, that was a fact of life. Yet he'd just done it. And she couldn't fully understand why. He could've taken victory then, whilst she was in a weak heap on the ground, but, no.

Wu came over and helped peel her off of the floor as she gritted her teeth from the stinging all over her body. She thanked him just as out of the corner of her eye she saw her husband give her one last farewell look before fleeing. Misako could tell from the few seconds she saw his face that he was hurt. Not because of the battle, but because of her...

Their marriage was over.

---

Lloyd found his mom sat down by the ocean as she stared out, her gaze hazy and unfocused. However, she seemed sort of relaxed and calm, which was not what the boy was expecting at all. He almost didn't alert her of his presence just to give her some peace and stop her from regaining her previous rage, but he decided against it. They needed to talk about earlier and this was the perfect opportunity as they were both alone. So without saying a word he strolled down to his mother's side and sat himself down on the ground, crossing his legs and looking out at the sea with her.

"I'm sorry." Misako blurted. Lloyd blinked and glanced to his left-hand side. She was expecting an apology from her, in fact, he wasn't really sure why she was the one saying sorry. She didn't think she'd done anything wrong. "You were looking out for me."

"It's fine Mom. I came to say sorry to you-"

"No..." She shook her head and scooted closer to her son, a sigh escaping her lips. "Don't you apologize. It's not your fault everything is the way it is. This whole feud with your father only started because of me. I was the one who hurt him, not the other way around."

"What do you mean?"

"It's a very long story, Lloyd. A story for another time." The green ninja nods his head, despite deep down really wishing to know what she had done to possibly make this whole thing her responsibility. He didn't want to ask though, he knew she'd tell him sooner or later, whenever she was ready. Suddenly, she spoke up again.

"Lloyd, Garmadon is not as bad a person as he seems. I know he destroys our home and heck, he still can't get your name right after all these years." Lloyd laughs a little. "But he never treated me badly throughout our time together. In fact, he was the best person I ever met."

"So why didn't you stay with him?" The blonde teenager asked with furrowed brows. Misako smiled at him and put an arm on her son's shoulders.

"Like I said earlier, to protect you! I didn't want you getting involved in all this evil warlord stuff but, turns out you were destined to be involved in the war one way or the other. Whether you were on the good side from the start or not didn't matter." There was silence for a few moments as Lloyd thought quietly to himself. Over the past few days, him and his dad had been bonding pretty well. His mom was right, he wasn't a completely awful person, he just wanted to rule something. In this case, it was Ninjago. Lloyd didn't hold a grudge about the arm thing either; at least he wasn't dead. If he had died then he would've left his mother all alone. Garmadon was the one who called his mom and told her everything that had happened, made sure he was taken care of and looked after. He'd basically been a dad. It was brief but for once he knew what it was like to have one.

"I think you and dad need to talk, mom." The boy said after a short while of sitting in quietude. Misako's arm left his shoulder and rested in her lap as she leaned forward. Her fingers fiddled as her pupils watched.

"I know."

The pair got up and headed back to the camp after more time passed. They didn't want it to be so dark that they couldn't find their way back. Besides, everyone was probably worried about them. They chatted and joked the whole way back, the small fall out from earlier seeming like it had never even happened. Only when they arrived back did Misako's fears start to pile up again and her anxiousness began to crawl up her stomach. She hadn't had a real sit down with Garmadon in...well ever. Their relationship had only ever faltered when she fought him back then to save Ninjago and give the green ninja more time to prepare. Any other times they'd met in public had pretty much been her telling him to leave her alone as he kept trying to convince her to go on a date with him. She was ready to do this though, not just for Lloyd. but for her and Garmadon too.

Who knows, maybe they were still meant to be.

[thesoundofnat]

Physical Contact

Bones, Jim

Summary: It becomes increasingly more obvious to Bones that Jim is whining because he craves physical contact and not just because he wants to be difficult.

A/N: Based on this that was prompted by an anon a while ago. I hope you like it, even though it’s short!

Also, I’m not sure if this still stands, but @outside-the-government asked to be tagged when I post McKirk fics, but feel free to ignore this if you don’t want to read it!

[Read it on AO3]

Words: 832

Bones wasn’t an idiot, and not many people had ever accused him of being an idiot, but sometimes he would realize something that had been staring him straight in the eyes this whole time while they were glazed over in reveries, and then he would, in fact, feel like an idiot.

This particular realization concerned Jim. Of course. Recently he felt like they always did.

He didn’t feel like anyone could blame him, to a certain degree at least, for not noticing. Having Jim as a friend had always meant high maintenance. The kid had an easy time adapting, and he didn’t publicly complain a lot since he knew it technically wouldn’t get him anywhere, but with Bones it had always been different. He’d always felt comfortable displaying that more childish and impatient part of himself, because he knew Bones wouldn’t judge him. And Bones had always appreciated it, despite how often he acted like the opposite. It gave him space to be the less flattering versions of himself as well, which was something he reckoned was needed from time to time. It was a good little system of trust they had going.

But due to this it took him ages to figure out why Jim was suddenly so clingy. He’d learnt to tune his whining out years ago, and therefore he hadn’t realized that this was different. That this was almost a cry for help, if one was to dramatize it all.

In retrospect, it had started subtly. Warily. As if Jim had been testing the waters. A vocal complaint when Bones had kicked him out of his quarters one evening, which had surprised Bones since Jim of all people knew the value of rest. Subsequent days of limbs touching, but not enough for Bones to really make a big deal out of it. They’d just gotten back from another mission turned near death experience, and Bones had figured Jim had just wanted to physically make sure they’d both been safe. If that had meant shoulders leaning against shoulders and hands on backs Bones would’ve had to take it.

But then it had all become a little louder. Jim’s attempts had turned bolder, which had eventually resulted in him whining when Bones hadn’t wanted to play with his hair. Actual whining. For other people to hear. Bones had become a little more observant after that.

Now he knew exactly what was going on, and he only felt bad that it had taken so long.

“You want affection, don’t you?”

Jim caught his eye, and then looked anywhere but on him. He’d yet again found his way to Bones’ room, finding any excuse to stay, which was almost a little sad. Surely he could stay just because he wanted to stay.

“Hey, don’t be embarrassed if that’s the case,” he continued when Jim made no move to reply. “It’s okay if you do, you know.”

“Maybe I do,” Jim said, his voice lower than before. “But it’s stupid, isn’t it?”

“Of course it’s not. It’s human to want to feel love and safety.”

“I guess I just want to be held. For once. Not necessarily for too long. Just for a moment.”

“Like a hug?”

Jim shrugged. “Sure? I mean, yes, but honestly, any… physical closeness is fine.”

Just to make sure I’m safe, he added with his eyes, and Bones understood. He understood it so well he might as well be living it himself.

He opened his arms. “Come here, you pest.”

And Jim did. Almost beaming so brightly that Bones got tanned, he moved closer and settled into Bones’ arms, as if he was made to fit there. And Bones held him, and held him, and held him, and when he’d been holding him for so long that he felt like it would become awkward had this been someone else, he gave his body a squeeze, and then just held him some more. It was one thing to witness your captain completely melt into your embrace. It was another to witness your best friend put this sort of trust on you. They both left you speechless, but in different ways. Bones wasn’t really sure just what he felt.

“Did you know I’m a big fan of back tickles?” Jim mumbled into his neck, and Bones had to laugh because of course he knew.

Jim shivered with pleasure as Bones ran his fingertips lightly over the material of his shirt, and Bones swore he could hear him hum contently when he moved up to give the nape of his neck the same treatment. And when he started massaging his scalp Jim might as well not have been there anymore, because his body felt like an empty shell due to just how much it relaxed against him.

Bones found that this made him feel happy as well. Not as happy as Jim seemed to be, but happy nevertheless.

And so Jim never had to whine in order to be held ever again.

[abiteofnat]

THE SUBWAY CAN’T STOP ME FROM HAVIN A GOOD TIME...

Even though my “sea legs” are a little shaky when I’m a billion feet underground and shuttling through the space-time continuum. I love public transit and rely on it to live my life, but the NYC subway is it’s own Narnia of transport. After my family left me for the rats in NYC I was to backpack between Brooklyn and the Upper East Side where two of my best and most beautiful friends recently moved to, each of them very different people and therefore providing me with a week of amazing, diverse experiences and quality #bff time. While I panicked about not having enough to do to keep us occupied I quickly realized I am naive and that NYC is definitely not lacking in things to do, anytime, ever. AND THEY DON’T LACK THINGS TO EAT! 

The first couple days were spent with a dear pal Sophia, my crossfit queen and wine connoisseur, and her boyfriend in Brooklyn where the bagels were plenty and we ate a lot of them. Bagel World is where you can find the famous Rainbow Bagel which I believe is an egg bagel with some food coloring stirred in, and with a little plain cream cheese smeared on there it’s the perfect #hangoverhelper and puts a smile on your face. The best thing about NYC bagel delis is the fact they have TUBS of cream cheese for your choosing, and you better believe there are a half a dozen flavors minimum that make the salty & sweet or savory & salty or sweet & sweet conundrum all the harder to decide. I’m a fan of a salty bagel and a sweet cream cheese, i.e. sea salt bagels with strawberry cream cheese (which I tried at Pick A Bagel -pictured below- later on that week) but that rainbow bagel realllyyyy swooned me. And, being a dumbo with caffeine-free brain, I forgot to take pics and just consumed it out of pure glee. May it live on forever in my heart.

I also went to a bombfreaking.com bagel place in the Financial District while Soph was off doing important things, and lemme tell you I absolutely adore that area of Manhattan. While it does feel very “Wolf of Wall Street” and everyone is a business person rushing around under these tall, gray buildings it’s also near the water and feels like a whole new city of it’s own. There are a ton of tiny cafes and coffee shops, bars and mini patios, and a shocking amount of flower shops. I wouldn’t make it a destination area itself but if you’re checking out the One World Trade Center (which is entirely worth seeing, it’s humbling and very breathtaking) you could walk over for a snack and a think. My find of the day was Leo’s Bagels, where I got a poppyseed and chive cream cheese bagel that blew my fucking mind. This bagel was the essential NYC bagel, broiled to chewy perfection and toasted to a golden brown and then SMOTHERED WITH CHIVE CREAM CHEESE THAT I COULD EAT WITH A SPOON FOREVER. I read a book, “The Couple Next Door”, and noshed on my bagel while watching the rain fall on the brick streets crowded with people running underneath newspapers to protect their fancy hair. It was pretty damn perfect. 

Outside of bagels, we checked out where to get sangria pitchers and talk about the trials of millennial living which lead us to Barraca, a picture-perfect corner spot in a bustling part of Greenwich. Their happy hour menu was poppin’ and we ordered pitchers of multiple types of sangria, garlic-marinated olives, pan con tomate, and expected menu items such as patatas bravas that were deep fried and topped with a glorious aioli, and then threw in some manchego cheese with grilled toast and jam. It was tasty little bites of tapas classes in a rustic yet modern setting, great people watching, and ideal lounge-forever-and-drink vibes. 

We were quite content here and should you want a casual, 5-hour European meal this is your place! Plus Greenwich is a mecca of little bars and late night restaurants, walk a little far to the Meat Packing District to the clubs and fancy pants bars, and the world is your $15 cocktail. Voila! 

The last leg of my trip was spent with my oldest and most vegan friend Lolo who went above and beyond to show me an authentic day in the life of her and her huge, beautiful friend group which led us to some pretty cool and totally veggie-friendly spots. Lolo being the wonder she is also let me stop for bagels at any moment and for that she wins an award seeing as she doesn’t even eat bagels! And I’m so indecisive with them! 

One of the first places we went to was the food court in The Plaza as it’s a staple for her and I had never been. We woke up ~hella~ early with the world on a Saturday to scamper to Central Park and sit in line for 5 hours to get Shakespeare in the Park tickets for A Midsummer Night’s Dream, as it’s free Broadway theater that is packed every single night of the summer, and after scoring four beautiful tickets our eyes were glazed over and my stomach was screaming “FUCK THE ARTS I NEED FOOD”. So we headed to The Plaza, went underneath the elite hotel section to the similarly elite yet casual eatery, and I was shell shocked. I don’t know what I expected, but this food court felt like the most glorious spread of gourmet foods offered to raggedy people like us in baseball caps and tennis shoes. 

Lolo led me to the coffee that to this minute of my life is still the best iced coffee I’ve ever had, and with a splash of almond milk and simple syrup I couldn’t quite believe that coffee from a French stand in a food court was changing my entire life. It’s called Epicerie Boulud, and you should go N O W. 

We also stopped and got sushi from the sushi stand which would be a running trend of the weekend (little did I know). One of the things I love about my girl is she is an avid sushi fan even though it’s just veggies and rice all wrapped up because she’s meat free, and I can eat sushi for ever single meal without turning into an actual piece of tuna and be happy. It was VERY VERY good sushi, and the men making it were so happy to be rolling up some rolls for the line of people sitting along the prep station and watching. Nothing like live theater, no matter what kind it is. 

After this meal we went to Central Park with some goodies from Whole Foods and picnicked until the show started, and my oh MY free Shakespeare was remarkable. The set, the costumes, alllllll of it was so extra and not to mention you’re watching it in the middle of Central Park with Manhattan lighting up all around you! 

The last meal spent in NYC was at ~drum roll please~ Chelsea Market, a spot I had never gotten to and was so eager to see. IT DID NOT DISAPPOINT! Within this old, brick + steel building there are a billion little shops and curiosity stalls, one at which I bought an ancient postcard of Lady Liberty that I’m obsessed with. This was also the first trip I went out on the river to see Lady Liberty and I think I fell in love a little bit. That statue made me so damn emotional and I kind of can’t wait to go back and wander Ellis Island for a bit. Plus, the boat had a bar on board, and who doesn’t love a Blue Moon while cruising on the Hudson?

At the Chelsea Market we went to Lolo’s favorite place which is called Beyond Sushi and it’s completely vegan and grassy sushi + other sides that SHOOK ME. TO THE CORE. First off, the rice was purple. Second of all, the side of kimchi was so good that I ate it like salad all on it’s own and almost forgot to eat the other aspects of my meal. Try any and all things on the menu; it is all so fresh and delicately made that you don’t even realize there’s no fish/dairy/animal product in them. I’m the first to scoff at sushi that’s devoid of the most insane amount of tobiko/ahi tuna/octopus, but this was legitimately crunch and full of flavor and a remarkable balance of flavor. 

Yep. It’s unreal. Yep. See those test tubes of sauce? The plum sauce is best on EVERYTHING. HOW HELPFUL IS THAT. 

Right next door to Beyond Sushi is Pineapple Express, the glorious spot where the nicest woman in the world stayed open to make me one of the Insta-famous pineapples filled with pineapple soft serve and topped with fresh fruit, coconut shavings, and an umbrella. Also vegan, this makes the most luscious dessert to end a salty meal with and is perfect for sharing as long as you don’t mind accidental spoon wars. O.M.G. it was so good! And tip this woman well, she loves her job makin’ pretty fruits. 

WOWZA AM I RIGHT? Although the Chelsea Market closes relatively early, it is so worth going for a bite to eat and a wander about. You never know what treasures you’re going to find! 

Thanks for reading through my NYC adventures, I promise I also have fun Chicago spots to try and that I’m not leaving annyyy time soon. Ok? Ok. 

Until next time, Happy Eating!

-Natalie

[thedaywebuiltthefort-blog]

Welcome to DnD

After something of a manic few weeks, I’ve finally had time to sit down and update the blog. What with marathon training, working on the novel, going to my actual job and playing with pygmy hedgehogs I’ve found myself unintentionally putting the blog on hold.

That isn’t to say that during that time I haven’t been ticking a few things off the list. Because I very much have. But I’m not here to write about that today, no.

Today I am here to write about a challenge that would defy everything I have come to know about my physical, mental and spiritual limitations and teach me that anything can, and will happen.

Or at least it would have, had my character not fallen asleep.

I’m talking about my very first foray into the dark and mysterious world of Dungeons and Dragons.

Now, if you don’t already know what D&D is, I would suggest looking up Critical Role. Whilst there is an absolute trove of D&D sites, books and blogs to get you up to speed, for anyone that has come to the game recently, there is a good chance that it’s all thanks to the online show.

As a writer and lifelong fantasy fan, I have always been vaguely aware of how D&D works. I’ve helped draw up character sheets, I’ve watched videos and I know that at some point there was a largely disappointing movie made based on the game. However, I’d never actually played it, until now.

Thanks to a borderline obsession with Critical Role, my husband recently started playing D&D and had tried a few different online groups. Having sat and watched him play a few times, I thought perhaps it might be time to give it a try on a one-off, non-committal basis.

After a quick chat with the DM (Dungeon Master) of his most recent group, it was agreed that I could join their current quest as a six foot tall, bald female half-elf character named Ude.

The first thing we did was run through the different aspects of the character and what she could do. My other half got me to pick out my choices for spells, cantrips, and physical attributes. Now, this I could deal with, and I’m told that I made fairly decent choices.

I did find, however, that as my other half was happily explaining in lengthy detail what each of the different choices meant, my eyes were glazing over and my brain found itself pondering whether or not birds technically have armpits, which is the sort of question my brain often asks.

I discovered very quickly that when it comes to D&D, whilst anything can and will happen during the game, before that there are an awful lot of things you need to know. Most of which I found very confusing. It eventually ended up with me saying things like ‘yeah but that one’s got a fireball, I want that one.’

With Ude’s character sheet finalised, we sent it off to DM for a quick check through. Following this and prior to the game, my husband arranged for me to have a quick chat with the DM to run through some of the finer points of the character and what we would be doing.

Unfortunately, I was under the impression that the DM wanted to speak to me.

The DM was under the impression that I wanted to speak to him.

It made for a somewhat stilted conversation as I desperately tried to think up questions and not look as unprepared as I was, whilst my other half stood in the background looking confused and whispering ‘go on then, talk...’

Fortunately, the DM turned out to be a pretty chilled out person and he managed to talk me through some of my expectations, answered my off the cuff questions and generally made me feel like a lot less of an idiot than I felt.

Several days later it was game day. I spent a few hours rearranging the kitchen, setting up various props and lighting (much to my husband’s amusement/annoyance) so that I could film the session both for reference and so I could use a few video snippets on the blog.

Despite his reservations about both my skills in cinematography and furniture moving, my husband did dutifully create me a camera holder for my phone using the best cardboard box and masking tape that money can buy.*

*This later turned out to be pointless as the video wasn’t even of good enough quality to edit, much less bother publishing. I will state just for the record that the kitchen however remains rearranged because it looks better now.

As is normal with any social event (albeit online), about an hour before we start I’m hit with a wave of nerves which only seem to increase as we get set up.

I’m nervous about meeting new people in any capacity. This is largely based on previous experience and my natural talent for looking and sounding like a bit of a weirdo around strangers.

I remedy this with the liberal application of wine from the shop over the road.

Just before we get started, I have a quick chat with the DM.

As I’m joining part way through the campaign there are a few things I need to know about the setting, where the party is heading and what they do and don’t know at this point.

He tells me a few things and all of a sudden it all feels a little bit espionage-esque, like my laptop will self destruct thirty seconds after receiving all of the pertinent information.

I’m not entirely sure how much, if anything, of what I’m told I am meant to reveal however it doesn’t matter as I instantly forget everything I’ve just been told.

The game starts and I spend the first few minutes just trying to get a grasp of the other characters and what they’re doing. As my character is a guest on this session I don’t actually get introduced until a little while in.

At this early point, I encounter my first hurdle. I can recognise the DM’s voice and I can pick out the only other female in the group, but other than that I have no idea who is talking when. This makes it hard for me to track which characters are where. We also had several problems with internet connection and lost the sound feed a couple of times. This meant that there were a few occasions where I missed large chunks of the conversation.

So before my character even gets to put in an appearance, I’m sweating with nerves and completely lost, almost to the point of thinking it would be better if I just bowed out gracefully with my dignity in tact.

The thing about D&D - and especially the worlds that it creates - is that this is not just a board game that you whip out and play off the cuff.

This is hours of planning, creation and prep work for the DM.

People get emotionally invested in the story and their characters. I don’t want to be the idiot that comes in and accidentally kills everyone by launching an inadvertent fireball at them.

Eventually, my character is introduced. I summon up all of my courage and prepare to reel off the detailed description of Ude and her personality that I have spent the past few weeks preparing.

But I don’t.

Instead, my character sidles up to the only other female character and stands there, looking awkward and generally being closer than it is necessary to be to someone you’ve just met. So pretty much mirroring my normal reaction to this situation in the real world.

Now I’m going, to be honest – I don’t remember a whole lot of what was going on at this point. I wanted to be as engaged in the campaign as possible but really I was just having trouble keeping up.

I also wasn’t sure what I could and couldn’t do, despite my husband’s constant reassurances that my character can pretty much attempt to do anything (although any actions will have varying degrees of success).

I think at one point I actually said ‘Ude is going to suggest that she might possibly have something to say’ before waiting for permission to say what it was she wanted to say and still not being one hundred percent confident I should have said anything at all.

I knew the party was required to fetch a black orchid from the jungle, for reasons that have since escaped me, and saw this as my first opportunity to utilize one of my amazing character attributes.

I offered to turn into a dire wolf so that I could run really fast and go fetch it.

The plan didn’t actually work out, so sadly for me, I didn’t get to show off my wolfy prowess, but I was duly told by my husband that this had been a good suggestion.

Lack of wolfiness aside, the party set out to find the black orchid having spent the earlier part of the game flicking between sourcing information from the bird people (https://www.dndbeyond.com/races/aarakocra) who resided in the mountain village we had just visited, and making humorous digs at the bard (who seemed to inexplicably have a lot of musical instruments).

Just as I start to feel like I’m starting to hit my stride and get into it, the party is attacked by a tiger hybrid. As the other members of the party start to take their turns, I revel in the fact that finally, my character can do something cool and awesome!

I will save the day and everyone will love me! I mean Ude!

My turn rolls (no pun intended) around and having quickly refreshed myself on the various powers and spells I can use (tangling vines, woo yeah, firebolt, woo yeah, big magic stick, woo yeah) get ready to do a battle like a badass heroine.

Then my character falls asleep.

I’m not sure how or why, but once again D&D feels strangely relatable. Weeks spent worrying and stressing over a big event only to inevitably sleep through it all and miss it.

The group put in a good show and once Ude eventually wakes up she does get to use some of her healing powers to patch up a couple of players who fell afoul of a few well-aimed tiger beast strikes. Personally, I’m just happy that a) nobody has died and b) I didn’t accidentally kill them.

As we come to the end of the session, I actually find myself finally feeling a little more relaxed. I now have a sort of understanding who is playing who and which characters bring what to the group. There is a little bit of post-game chat which seems to mostly be the other members of the group reading out the list of tasks I have to complete from the blog with a mixture of amusement and confusion.

Despite their reservations at some of the tasks (in particular the ones that my niece came up with), they’re a group of funny, engaging and welcoming people.

There are not many places you can go where people are genuinely intrigued by the idea of farting in public as a challenge. Apparently, that isn’t the case in the world of Dungeons and Dragons.

I’d like to have been able to give a more detailed account of the gameplay itself and what happened; unfortunately, the truth is I still haven’t quite worked out about eighty percent of it.

The only way I’m going to remedy that is by trying again, which I intend to do.

D&D isn’t just a game that you can pick up and play – there are worlds within worlds and a lot to learn. Did I have fun? Yes, I did. Do I think I was any good? Absolutely not, I was a whisper away from completely useless.

I guess Ude is just going to have to put in another appearance.

You know, for research purposes.

[stand-for-humanity]

70 years of independence

This is three generations of women in my family. The eldest woman in my family at 80 (my Bibi) the youngest little woman in my family soon to be 8, with my moms eldest sister and my moms youngest sister either side. I took this picture last year, weirdly in August too, and I've fished it out because of the conversation we were having at the time. 

I'm blessed enough to still have my grandparents around me and I have roughly spent the last 10 years asking them loads of questions about their past, our family history and their immigration to England. The moment captured here was one of those conversations, and this time it was about the partition in India 70 years ago. My grandparents were 10 and 12 back then. My Bibi was telling us that it was complete chaos and split up entire families. A decision made by the British over a single lunch, caused my grandparents' generation to have their lives completely uprooted. 

It was then that I found out that because of this, my grandad actually became a refugee. I had no idea before now despite all the conversations that I'd had with him over the years. She told us that he had lived in camps for over 6 months, in the same way that I have seen and am still seeing, in Calais. I also found out that he had another brother and sister and they had both died due to disease contracted from the camps. Upon hearing this my heart fell into my stomach; I always knew my grandparents had been caught up in the partition, and how savage the British were in the treatment of Indians, but knowing this was an extra addition of pain. 

Later that night I sat with my grandad (who rarely has a serious moment by the way) and I told him what Bibi had told me. He's been diagnosed with a slow onset of dementia so he forgets the more recent things; I've told him before that I go to the camps in Calais but I never know if he remembers it or not. That evening I asked him what it was like for him as a refugee; I told him I couldn't believe he had never told me. His eyes glazed over as they always do when he's asked to remember. 

"It was horrible putth (darling). We were all split up, I had another brother and sister but they didn't make it. They died because they got sick in the camp. We travelled across India in a cart, for weeks. It was our own cart and it took forever. My grandparents were the ones that looked after me, we were split up from my parents. I didn't see them for a few years. When we got out of the camps I was on a train and I had a gun held to my head. I was only 12." 

I remember sitting there in complete shock; I'd heard some of the other stories over the years but I'd never heard this. I'd never known my own Nanaji (grandad) was a refugee. After a few moments of silence I looked up at him and asked if he knew what was happening around the world now; if he was aware of the current refugee crisis. He watches the news everyday so I thought it might be fresh enough; he looked at me and slowly nodded and I helped fill in parts of his memory that were hazy. 

"I go to camps myself Nana. There are people there from all over; Afghanistan, Sudan, Syria. I've been volunteering for a while now."He snapped out of his reverie and his entire face softened:"Do you really? What do you do there Yussy?"  I told him that I just turned up one weekend saying that I didn't have any experience but I had a lot of energy and would do anything that they needed. Then that weekend turned into the following weekend and then a few more weeks, months and now it's been two years of making friendships, sharing hope, and seeing love in its most powerful form. 

Even recalling the memory of the expression on his face is making me emotional. His eyes lit up and he said, "Really Yussy? You do that?"  I nodded and gave a little smile.  "That means so much to them, I know because I know how they feel. There's no hope but when other people come to help, it brings hope." We had the longest hug and I cried a few tears into his beard and then he began giving me rib digs which snapped me out of it (anyone that knows my nana is probably still nursing their own bruised ribs). 

There is so much buried in me and my family members about India, India's independence and the inglorious British empire I can feel it bubbling within me, waiting to be let out. I know it's a journey that I'm embarking on and it's time to be unearthed.

I feel ready now. Happy 70 years India.

[nuttersincorporated]

Ashi’s Search

This was written as a birthday present for jimsdeadbones but anyone can read and enjoy it. Happy 21st Birthday Jim!

Summary: How Ashi got from the factory with all the blue children to the flying machine. Spoilers for the latest episode of Samurai Jack

Word Count: 2978

Ashi didn’t know what to do. The Samurai had disappeared and she had no idea where he’d gone or why he had left.

He might have left to help more people but something in Ashi’s gut told her that wasn’t true. For the few short days that she’d known Jack as something other than an enemy, she had noticed a sort of deadness in his eyes that had frightened her. There was also the fact he’d told her that he no longer believed it was possible to defeat Aku. It was as if he had given up.

The blue children were all awake and groaning now and Ashi made a snap decision; before she did anything else, she had to take them back to what was left of their home.

“Children, follow me,” she commanded. They looked at her with slightly glazed expressions.

One of the older children blinked at Ashi in confusion, “Where are we and how did we get here?”

“You were used as weapons against Samurai Jack,” she told them. “We saved you and now it’s time to go home.”

“Samurai Jack!” some of the younger children squealed excitedly, looking around as if they expected him to be hiding in the shadows.

“Yes, but he couldn’t stay because had to go and save some other people,” Ashi lied. “He asked me to take you all home.” That seemed to do the trick. The children got to their feet and started following Ashi as she led them home.

Ashi’s eyes widened as she noticed some of the older children helping the younger ones along. None of the other children told them not to. They acted as if it was the natural thing to do.

Ashi felt her heart give a twinge of pain as she remembered her mother’s words about weakness and independence. These children weren’t weak just because they needed help, were they? Ashi had no idea what a child was supposed to be like. She only knew that her own childhood wasn’t like most people’s. She kept her mouth closed, afraid to say the wrong thing and led the way.

It didn’t take long. The factory wasn’t far from the remains of their old village. The parents who hadn’t been killed, ran over and threw their arms around their children, laughing and crying for joy. Some of the children looked around for parents that were no longer there to greet them and Ashi felt helpless, not knowing what to do.

“They will be looked after,” one of the older blue creatures reassured Ashi quietly. She looked at him and realised it was the one they had spoken to before going to save the children. He looked the worse for wear and a part of her was surprised that he was still alive. He gave her a small smile when he saw her expression. “We are a hardy race. We will survive.”

She nodded as if she understood then asked, “Did you see where Samurai Jack went?”

“He went that way,” the blue creature told her and pointed away from the village. “I saw him leave. He didn’t answer me when I asked about the children,” he looked concerned again.

“I will find him,” she vowed and the blue creature looked relieved.

“Good, that man needs a friend.”

Ashi almost flinched at the word friend. She didn’t even know how to be a friend but she was sure that she wouldn’t make a very good one. She also wasn’t sure how she felt about Jack yet. However, she said none of that out loud and merely thanked the creature for his help.

Ashi took one last look at the blue creatures. A part of her wanted to stay and help more but she turned and heading in the direction she’d been pointed.

As she walked Ashi wondered if she was imagining things. Perhaps Jack was fine. He might simply have decided that he’d taught her everything she needed to know and had left her to live her own life. He seemed a dangerous person to be around. Innocent people got hurt around him even if he didn’t want them too.

Maybe Jack was trying to protect her. If that was the case, he needn’t have bothered. Ashi could look after herself. She could even help if other innocent people were in danger because Jack came near them. Ashi wasn’t sure if Jack was a good person or if she liked him yet but some part of her knew she had to find him again.

Ashi couldn’t tell if it was her training that made her still feel weary of the Samurai. She’d spent her whole life, up until a few days ago, hating him. Would a good people let innocent people get hurt because of them? Just because she’d been wrong about Aku being good that didn’t mean she’d been completely wrong about Jack.

After a day and a half of traveling, eating what she could find and sleeping rough, Ashi came to a city of pods. Some of the pods were on land and others were bobbing in the sea. The pods seemed to be houses. The ones in the sea were contacted to the land and each other by bridges. Humans and some sort of tall green creatures, with long limbs, large heads and small bodies walked between the pods.

Not knowing what else to do, Ashi approached one of the green creatures and asked, “Have you seen Samurai Jack?”

Everyone within earshot stopped what they were doing and stared at her. Ashi held her head high and refused to look scared. She was reasonably sure that she’d be able to defend herself successfully, if they decided to attack.

“I asked a question.”

“Are you another one of Aku’s assassins?” the one she’d asked, asked her.

“No,” Ashi said after a moment’s hesitation. Not any more, she added in her head. Out loud, Ashi told them, “I want to find him. I believe the Samurai might be in danger.”

Those around her relaxed.

“I doubt he is,” one of the green creatures told her. “There’s nothing he can’t handle but yes, he was here not long ago. I’ll show you where he went.”

“Thank you,” she said as she followed him.

“You’re in luck,” he told her. “Until yesterday, none of us had seen Jack in almost half a century. We are Triceraquins. Aku forced our parents to live at the bottom of the ocean. One day, Aku promised he would let my people live on the surface again if they killed Samurai Jack. They agreed because we were dying out living at the bottom of the sea.

“Our parents pretended to be Jack’s friends but they betrayed him and tried to kill him. Then Aku went back on his promise. Jack escaped, defeated Aku and liberated our parents even though they’d tried to kill him. He forgave them straight away.”

“Thank you for telling me,” Ashi said honestly. She felt that she knew the Samurai a little better now. Though she was still weary of him. Yes, he had helped them but perhaps they wouldn’t have been in that situation to begin with if Aku hadn’t wanted him dead.

“You’re welcome,” he told her. They were walking across bridges over the water by now. The Triceraquin pointed to a statue of Jack, the bottom half was under the water and the top half was covered in algae and seaweed. “We built that statue to remember him.”

They reached a collection of small rowing boats, “Jack took one of these and headed left along the cost. You can take a boat if you like. Any friend of Jack is a friend of ours.”

“Thank you,” Ashi said again. She didn’t comment on the Triceraquin’s assumption that she was Jack’s friend. She still didn’t know how she felt about Jack. ‘Friend’ seemed to be a word people used a lot.

Ashi got into one of the boats, untied it and started to row.

Perhaps it was only selfishness that made her want to find him, she thought. Jack was the only constant thing Ashi knew. He was the one point of reference she had in a world that was the opposite of everything she’s spent her whole life believing.

Ashi rowed and rowed until she came to another town along the coast. She tied up her boat at a jetty and started to search the town for Jack. However, it was getting late. In the end, Ashi led down on a bench and fell asleep.

A few hours later Ashi was woken by something jumping up and down on her chest. She opened her eyes. The first thing she noticed was that it was still dark but the sun was just starting to tinge the horizon. The second thing she noticed was that she was surrounded by small furry creatures. They were brown, about the size of her head and had long tails and big ears.

“Are you the one who’s looking for Samurai Jack?” the creature on her chest asked is a squeaky high pitched voice.

“Yes, do you know where he is?”

“We won’t let you hurt him!” the creature squeaked defiantly.

“I do not want to,” Ashi said reassuringly. Samurai Jack certainly seemed to inspire loyalty. “I’m going to sit up now, okay?” The creature nodded and scampered off her.

Ashi sat up slowly, careful not to bump any of them. They were stood on the ground around her bench and most of them still had mistrustful expressions on their faces.

“Are you his enemy?” asked the one who’d jumped on her chest.

“No,” Ashi said without a pause this time. “I think he might be in trouble and I’m trying to find him.”

The furry creatures all scampered a short distance away and had a hurried, whispered conversation. Ashi had better hearing than most but even she could only make out a few words they were saying. They seemed to be deciding if they could trust her or not.

They reached some sort of consensus and came back.

“We have not seen him recently. However, we did hear that he was here yesterday, a few hours before you. Rumer, has it that he took a train east towards the mountains. We will show you the way to the station.”

“Thank you.”

Ashi rubbed the sleep from her eyes and followed the creatures though the dark and quiet streets. Ashi was forced to walk much slower than she normally would because they were so much smaller than her.

The one who’d jumped on her and who seemed to be the leader, started to talk as they walked, “We are the Affers and we owe Jack our lives and our freedom. For years, we were enslaved by some of Aku’s scientists. Our husbands were forced to work in their factories. I and the other women were experimented on.

“Then one day, Samurai Jack came. He defeated the scientists’ robots, destroyed their factories and laboratories. He freed us.”

“Thank you for telling me,” Ashi said as they reached the train station. It seemed Jack helped people whether or not he was responsible for their situation.

Ash’s eyes widened when she saw all the different railway tracks. Several of which seemed to go in the direction of the mountains. “Which train did he take?”

“We do not know,” the Affer told her. “You’ll have to ask around to find out if anyone knows more than us.” They scampered away.

Ashi asked around the station which was slowly filling up with people as trains came and went. Eventually she found a station guard who told her which train to catch. Before getting on, she asked the driver if she knew which station Jack had got off at.

The train driver looked at her uncertainly, “Are you trying to kill him?”

“No.”

“Are you his friend?”

“I… am not his enemy,” Ashi answered truthfully. There was that word again; friend. “I think he’s in trouble.”

The train driver hummed in thought for a moment before shrugging and giving her a smile, “I guess if you did want to hurt him you’d either have threatened me or lied. You won’t have answered like that anyway. I’ll tell you when to get off. You can ride in here with me if you like.”

“Thank you,” Ashi said climbing into the small cab at the front of the train and sat down next to the driver.

The train set off a few minutes later. The two of them sat quietly for a while. Then the driver started to talk, “I know that Samurai Jack is a big hero and that he gives people hope that one day Aku will be defeated but to me, he’ll always be the man who took the time to save a little girl who’d got stuck up a tree.

“I know that’s not a big thing but I was young and scared. I clamed a ladder up to an old treehouse in the woods but one of the boys who used to bully me in school took the ladder away and trapped me up there.

“Jack heard me crying and brought me down safely. Then he showed me how to defend myself so I could fight back next time one of the boys tried to hit me. He’s my hero.”

She laughed suddenly startling Ashi. “I don’t even think he remembers me. He didn’t seem to recognise me yesterday but that might just be because I’m an adult now. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d forgotten though. Saving the day in both big and small ways is just what he does, you know?”

“I think I do,” Ashi said. “Thank you for telling me.”

It seemed everyone had a story of how Samurai Jack had helped and saved them. She wondered what they would all think of her if she told them that not long ago, she’d been trying to kill him.

The train driver and Ashi chatted a little more as the train travelled further and further east, stopping at stations before moving on again. The train driver told Ashi that she was worried about Jack as shared her lunch with Ashi at one of the stations. Apparently, the look on his face has unsettled her when he’d gotten onto her train. Her words strengthened Ashi’s resolve to find him.

A few hours later, the train came to a stop at another station, “This is where he got off. Good luck finding him. I hope he’s okay.”

“Me too,” Ashi said before thanking the train driver again and getting off.

Ashi started to look around this new village for signs of Jack. She entered the village pub and asked the barkeeper if he knew where Jack was. Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at her. Ashi sighed, she was starting to get used to that reaction.

“I just want to find him. I think he’s in trouble.” They seemed to relax.

“I’ll show you where he went,” a thickset man in the corner told her getting to his feet. He led her out of the pub.

As they walked down the main street of the village the man started to talk, “This is a farming village. Twenty-five years ago, it just stopped raining here. Our crops wouldn’t grow. We’d have had to leave but then Samurai Jack came. He found that one of Aku’s minions had created a weather machine and was using it to stop it from raining. Samurai Jack destroyed the machine and saved us.

“We hadn’t seen him since then until yesterday. He passed through without talking to anyone.” They reached the edge of the village but the road continued. “He carried on that way,” the man told her.

“Thank you,” Ashi said and continued her journey mulling over everything she had learnt about Jack.

Ashi wondered if it was her training that made her want to find Jack. She’s spent her whole life being trained to find and kill him and, even though she no longer wanted him dead, that sort of mentality was hard to break out of.

She reassured herself that other people seemed worried about him too. If she found him and he was alright but wanted her to leave, she would go. She just had to make sure first.

Jack seemed to have a whole world full of friends. Ashi wondered why he chose to travel alone.

Ashi picked apples off trees at the side of the road and ate them as she walked. In the end, tiredness forced her to lie down just off the road and sleep again.

In the morning, she got up and continued walking until she came to a new town. She started her enquires again. After convinced a man with pale green skin and a large pink nose that she meant Jack no harm, he told her that Jack had flown in his flying machine the day before and promised he would show her where he’d gotten off.

Like everyone else, he had a story to tell, “Samurai Jack saved my house from burning down. I couldn’t afford Aku’s taxes so he sent some of his robots to burn down my home while I was still inside. Jack destroyed the robots, got me out safely and put out the fire before it could do too much damage.”

“Thank you for telling me,” Ashi said as she got onto the flying machine which was already full of all sorts of people and creatures.

Her stomach lurch as it rose into the sky and she stood by the window watching the world go by beneath them. Behind her she heard two beings talking,

“Are you sure she’s the one?”

“Yes, I specifically saw her asking about him.”

And that’s where the episode started. I hope you enjoyed it.

[oovitus]

Weekend Reading, 3.31.19

On Friday I wrapped up my very short but incredibly meaningful two-week rotation at the John Theurer Cancer Center in Hackensack, New Jersey. The commute wouldn’t have made it sustainable for me to stay any longer, but I wish I could have. I valued pretty much every moment of the experience.

One of the things I was told about the dietetic internship before starting was that I’d probably be surprised by what I loved and what I didn’t. Having had some counseling experience before starting my rotations, I wasn’t sure how much this would apply to me, but it has. Not across the board, of course: there are some rotations I’ve suspected wouldn’t be for me, which turned out to be true. And I’m reasonably sure that I’ll love my GI rotation, which starts tomorrow.

I could never have guessed how much I would love working with seniors, though—a passion that emerged only as I was completing my rotation in long-term care. And while I thought oncology would be meaningful to me for personal reasons—having watched a loved one go through chemo and radiation therapy years ago—I didn’t expect to enjoy the work in as many ways as I did.

It was intellectually stimulating and deeply interesting. I loved observing how teams of practitioners—doctors, nurses, social workers, researchers, and dietitians—came together in patient care, especially when handling a complex case. Most of all, I loved getting to know the patients and their families.

The big downside of this rotation, my commute aside, was feeling crummy for most of it: both the cold I started with and the seasonal allergies and fatigue that plagued me for the rest of my time at JCTT. I was so tired after my last day that I fell fast asleep on my commute home. It was an easy rotation insofar as my engagement goes, but it was difficult physically.

Over the years I’ve gotten good at recognizing traces of body judgment or body dysmorphia in how I relate to my appearance and shape. In recent years I’ve become aware of a related tendency, which is to feel easily exasperated and frustrated with my body when it’s not at “peak performance.” I’ve always been prone to stress, digestive troubles, allergies, and picking up bugs, which makes it easy to judge. And since I’m not twenty-five anymore, peak performance looks quite different than it used to. My energy reserves get depleted a lot quicker than they did even five years ago.

I have a ways to go with accepting my body’s energetic limits. I know my boundaries, but I resent them; there’s always a part of me that wishes I could do more. Illness can feel oddly triggering, the way fluctuations of the scale used to. Working in the health/wellness space, where boundless energy is often presented as an ideal, doesn’t always help.

I’ve developed a lot of strong muscles when it comes to avoiding self-comparison about the way I eat. It’s important for me to exercise that same strength in resisting the temptation to compare my health and stamina to other people’s. My body is its own quirky, lovable entity. Sometimes I wish I’d given it an easier time when I was younger, rather than pushing its limits with overwork and self-starvation. I often wish it weren’t as sensitive and responsive to triggers as it is.

But if my time at JCTT has reminded me of anything, it’s the supreme importance of meeting our bodies where they are, both in sickness and in health. I’ll continue to encounter physical challenges as my life goes on. Some will be irksome, others more serious. In those times body respect and self-care will matter more than ever. I can cultivate those capacities right now, by choosing not to dwell on the fact that I’ve been strung out. Instead, I can rest and give thanks to my body for getting me through another rotation, which is exactly what I’ve been up to today.

Giving thanks for this body of mine, and celebrating your bodies, too. Happy Sunday. Here are some recipes and reads.

Recipes

Dreena Burton’s recipes are always no-fail, and I love the looks of her new sweet potato pasta sauce.

A simple recipe for spicy, garlicky broccoli steaks.

Laurel’s chipotle sofritas bowls look so colorful and tasty—not to mention they’re packed with plant protein.

Isa’s garlicky white bean and asparagus soup is on my spring cooking list.

I think I’m going to celebrate getting to my final community rotation by making Kathy’s irresistable glazed donuts.

Reads

1. I’m guessing that a lot of you are familiar with the basic lifestyle patterns observed in the world’s so-called blue zones, but if you’re not, here’s a good recap.

2. The New York Times examines the link between pain perception and anxiety.

3. If I’ve ever appreciated simple and intuitive recipes and cooking, it’s been throughout the last eight months. But I do like to have my hand held by a cookbook author, too—especially if it means I’m less likely to mess something up—and I could understand some of JJ Goode’s case for long recipes. Even if I’m unlikely to re-enter that mode anytime soon.

4. Many religions ask for periods of abstinence or other special considerations around food. This topic can be under-discussed in our dialog about eating disorders, though in the last couple years I’ve seen many more personal testimonials about having an eating disorder during Ramadan. Likewise, I love Kimberly Robins reflections on reconciling eating disorder recovery with kashrut, or Jewish dietary law.

5. Undark takes a look at the difficulties associated with patient-matching, or matching patients with their appropriate medical records.

I had a delicious and lightly sweetened treat to share last week, but my rotation took priority in the last seven days. The good news is that I’ll have it ready to share with you tomorrow. Till then, be well.

xo

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