#not queer exactly but it had everything else I needed from a show like that

[korkiekenobiconfirmed]

I don't need oxygen, I need a queer wild-west period drama like black sails. somewhat questionable historical accuracy, very slight dabbling in the mystical/spiritual, good representation on multiple fronts, themes of storytelling and history, anti-colonialism messages that make you want to tear your hair from your scalp anytime you think about them, characters and relationships that are so complex and twisted and well-written...then also just cool hats, fun music, horsies and guns.

...y'know, the good stuff.

[bonewreath]

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞! ** 𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐦𝐬 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

summary: modern au; ellie moves to a big city to escape the past. she goes to her first lesbian bar, where she meets you.

cw: porn with…a whisper of plot; alcohol use, fingering (e!receiving), strap-on sex, bottom!ellie, slightly sub!ellie, she’s whiny here

Ellie’s never been to a lesbian bar.

It’s surreal - banners of colorful pride flags are strung across the room, some of which she can’t even identify. Distressed and faded posters are plastered on the stone walls, advertising drag shows and queer punk bands with names like The Cranky Dykes and T-Girl Social. Nearly every patron is tatted or pierced, and there’s more platform boots and fishnet clothing than Ellie’s ever seen in one place before. Before she’d moved to the city, Ellie had lit up with excitement at the thought of visiting a lesbian bar. But now, in her worn Harley Davidson tee and a pair of jeans with unintentional rips at the knees, she feels very much out of her depth. 

Steeling her nerves, she internally reminds herself that this is exactly why she’d moved in the first place - she needed new experiences. She needed unfamiliarity. What she’d left back in Texas was her normal, and she planned to build a new normal here. One that was the antithesis of everything she’d known before. 

The bar isn’t completely packed, but she does need to push past dancing, sweaty bodies, girls sucking on each other’s faces, and chatting cliques to get to the edge of the bar, where more clusters of people are calling out drink orders and thrusting wads of cash tips at the bartenders. By some miracle, an empty barstool presents itself after a drunken patron with a mohawk stumbles out of it, and Ellie swoops in to snatch it before someone else does. She sits there for a good few minutes, trying to capture a bartender’s attention, until someone shuffles up beside her and sticks a hand out to wave one over. And, of course, they notice immediately, heading over with a towel slung over their shoulder. Ellie sinks lower into her seat, cheeks burning.

“I’ll have a spicy marg,” the woman beside Ellie says, voice projecting loud enough to hear over the clamor of music and chatter. The bartender nods, then goes to step away, but the woman next to Ellie stops her, speaking with that attention-commanding voice.

“What are you having?” 

The bartender’s gaze shifts to Ellie, still hunched over and beet-red in the face. She flushes impossibly redder when she looks up at the woman who’d just ordered, realizing that the question had been directed at her. 

“Oh,” she blurts, posture straightening. She glances at the woman, anxiety flaring, then back at the bartender. “Um, an old fashioned. Please. Thanks.”

Just as quickly as they’d come, the bartender disappears again, off to pour precisely-measured shots and mix cocktails in shiny silver shakers. Ellie’s hands are in her lap, fiddling restlessly, when she finally forces herself to look up at the woman who’d practically had to order for her. 

You smile at her when she meets your gaze. Though she’s trying to be subtle about it, you can feel the way Ellie drinks in your every feature, eyes flickering over your face, then your body. It’s obvious that she likes what she sees, because she has a hard time looking you in the eye again. 

“Thanks,” she says. “I’ve been trying to order for a while.”

“So I saw,” you respond, but not unkindly. You take a moment to look her over, although you’d already done plenty of that before you’d even approached her - you had seen her from across the bar, looking forlorn, her leg bouncing beneath the edge of the bar as she tried (and failed) to order herself a drink. Her lack of confidence is what piqued your interest; it was hard to believe that someone that gorgeous wasn’t oozing arrogance and self-importance. She’s all lean muscles and shaggy hair, her forearm decorated with a sprawling fern tattoo. You could already imagine yourself running your hands through that hair, kissing the length of her sharp jawline, pulling those narrow hips up against your own. 

At a lesbian bar, a hot girl who couldn’t carry herself with confidence usually meant one of two things: she’s fresh out of a breakup, or she’d never been somewhere like this. You’re determined to find out which of the two applies to her.

“What’s your name? I haven’t seen you here before.” You angle your body to face Ellie, popping your hip out as subtly as you can. 

Ellie, determined to keep her eyes on your face and not the curve of your hip or the delicious sliver of cleavage peeking out of your square-neck top, peers up at you from behind her bangs. “Uh, yeah, I’ve never been. I just moved here. I’m Ellie - what’s your name?”

You tell her your name and she repeats it slowly, like she’s tasting every syllable. “Pretty.”

Your drinks arrive before you can fumble for a response. 

“Spicy marg, old fashioned,” the bartender lists as they slide your drinks over the smooth wood of the bar. Ellie murmurs her thanks and you nod at the bartender before they disappear, your hand curling around the glass. 

“Cheers?” You tip your drink towards Ellie. She clinks her own glass against yours and the two of you take your first sips, the bitterness of the alcohol burning its way down your throat. You feel it settle in your stomach, warm and satisfying. 

“So,” you begin, licking jalapeño and lime-tinged tequila from your lips. Ellie’s eyes follow the movement for a moment before she catches herself and looks away. “Where’d you move from?”

Ellie smiles shyly. You watch her index finger trace the rim of her glass. “Texas.”

“Oh?” One of your brows lifts. “And what made you want to move here, Texas?”

“For one, I’m gay.” 

“Thank you for stating the obvious.”

She lets out a little laugh, and the sound makes you want to grin - you take a sip of your margarita instead. 

“I just… Couldn’t be there anymore,” she elaborates. “It wasn’t right for me. I needed to start fresh.”

You don’t say anything for a moment, letting Ellie’s words sink in. Clearly, something severe enough had happened to make her want to shed her life in Texas like an old skin. And this lesbian bar, filled with every unique kind of queer this city had to offer, was part of this new version of Ellie - the version she’d chosen to build from the ground up. You’re struck by how brave Ellie must be for that. And yeah, maybe she’d struggled to order a drink for herself, but that didn’t take away from her bravery - not when she’d willfully chosen to uproot her life, a decision most people could never follow through with. 

“I’m impressed,” you say honestly. “And I hope the city gives you what you’re looking for.”

The corners of Ellie’s lips twitch, and that pretty blush fights its way onto her cheeks again. You’re about to say something when you hear the first notes of one of your favorite songs thumping through the speakers, a few other bargoers cheering to express their own excitement. 

“Dance with me,” you say to Ellie, reaching forward with your free hand to grab her forearm. She looks up at you like a deer in headlights.

“I can’t dance.”

“Doesn’t matter, just follow my lead. C’mon.”

“I don’t know if—”

“Didn’t you come here to try new things?” You curl your fingers around Ellie’s wrist, and she lets you pull her to her feet. You’ve made a good point, and she doesn’t argue again - just follows you to the dancefloor, where dozens of others are already moving to the beat of the music, hips rolling, heads nodding. The lights pulsate in the vibrant colors of the rainbow, the crowd painted shades of sunset orange, hot pink, deep indigo. You sip your drink and start to dance, turning to face Ellie; she’s gaping at you, unmoving. 

“Come here,” you say, having to shout over the music. Ellie steps closer to you as you move to the rhythm, hips swishing. You’re wearing a pair of flared pants that makes your ass look incredible, and after Ellie finally starts to dance along with you, you turn around to bring your backside closer to her. As if by instinct, Ellie’s arm loops around your waist - she presses her palm into the front of your pelvis, rolls her hips against your ass. You grin, wide and self-satisfied, as you lift your drink to your lips again - only to realize it’s almost gone. You make a mental note to head back to the bar after this song, but for now, you enjoy the last few drops of your margarita, revelling in the feeling of Ellie’s hand, strong on your hip, as she presses ever-closer into you from behind. 

Ellie’s in awe of you. 

The way you’d strolled up beside her at the bar, posture proud, buying Ellie a drink and flirting with her like it was easy, natural. The way you’d let your eyes wander over her figure, not shy at all about the lust in your gaze. The way you’d dragged her to the dancefloor and ground your ass back against her, smelling like lime and tequila and something headier, something distinctly you. 

Now, after two strong drinks and several songs-worth of dancing with you, Ellie’s so turned on she feels like a live wire, sparks erupting from her every nerve. 

On the dancefloor, Ellie had looped her arm around your hips, leaning in so close she could smell the liquor on your breath. You’d needed to fight down every urge to kiss her first - you weren’t even sure if she’d ever kissed another woman before, and you’d already done enough to pull her out of her shell for the night. But Ellie had leaned her forehead against yours, noses brushing, eyes fluttering shut… And your mouths had crashed together in the sort of kiss you’re going to have a very hard time forgetting.

After making out in the crowd like that for god knows how long, you’d invited Ellie back to your apartment. Which brings you to your current predicament: Ellie’s backed up against the front door, your hand under her shirt, fingers dancing over every inch of her deliciously solid abdomen. If Ellie’s inexperienced, she’s doing a fabulous job of pretending she isn’t. But you’re not sure just how innocent she is now, as she moans unabashedly into your mouth, your hand squeezing her tits over her sports bra. 

“Hey,” you breathe, pulling back from the heated kiss you’d been sharing. 

“Mm?” Ellie blinks at you, dazed. You want to ruin her. 

“Is this okay?” You peck at her lips, then her cheek. “We don’t have to… Do anything. Not if you don’t want to.” 

Ellie’s bangs are gorgeously tousled, and she looks at you like a kicked puppy - all round eyes and furrowed brows, worried you’re taking something from her. “But I… I want to.” 

“You sure?” 

Ellie nods. 

“Have you ever been with another woman before?” Your stomach twists at the directness of your own question, but you really want to know. Need to know. A bar hookup might not be the best way for her to pop her cherry - or, at least, her gay cherry. 

Then again, it’s not exactly unheard of in the community.

“Yeah. I have,” Ellie says, her hand reaching out to grab your hip. 

You find yourself wanting to pry, dig deeper for more information, but there’s no real reason for it. She’s not entirely new to this. She wants you. That’s all that really matters, right?

So you take her to your bedroom, let her undress you with shaky, calloused hands, kiss her slow and sweet while she unbuttons her jeans and kicks them aside. You help each other undress until you’re both naked, and then you’re stumbling into bed, your legs straddling Ellie’s hips as you kiss down her neck, stopping to suck pretty purple bruises into the sensitive skin. Ellie makes a noise somewhere between a moan and a whimper, sending another white-hot jolt of arousal through you. Your cunt is spread over her pelvis, and you grind down against her like that, letting out a pleased sound of your own.

 “God, you’re so hot,” Ellie mutters, watching you roll your hips as you kiss down to her chest. She reaches for your tits, squeezes them in her palms. 

“Yeah?” You smile, sharp and wolfish, down at Ellie. She looks at you like she can’t believe this is happening - like she can’t believe you’re real. “Gonna let me fuck you, Ellie?”

She moans at the obscenity of the question, nodding quickly. “Yes, god, please fuck me.”

“Mm,” you hum, “need to get you ready first, baby.”

Ellie’s breathing is ragged, her hips lifting, seeking friction. You climb down her body until you’re settled between her legs, pulling her knees apart to give yourself access to her center. She’s fucking soaked - you bite your lip at the sight of her, clit swollen and puffy, labia shining with arousal. 

You start with one finger, dipping into the wetness pooled at her entrance and spreading it up to her clit, drawing sharp breaths and staggering moans from Ellie’s kiss-bitten lips. Every sound she makes has you yearning to hear more, more. You slide your middle finger into her clenching hole and groan when you feel her walls open up smoothly around the digit. She pulses around you, hot and slick. When you begin pumping your finger in and out of that tight heat, Ellie’s noises become even more drawn-out, even more frantic - you look up at her and find her eyes already on you, dark with lust, a desperate, pleading expression etched onto her face. 

“You’re so fucking pretty, baby,” you coo at her, revelling in the way her pussy tightens at your words. 

“I–nngh, fuck–I need…” She trails off, jaw clenching. 

You fake-pout at her, puff out your lower lip in faux sympathy. “What is it? What do you need?”

“Need more,” Ellie pants out.

“I can give you more, sweetheart,” you reassure her, “all you had to do was ask.”

So, you give her more. You slip another finger inside of her, press the heel of your hand against the sensitive nub of her clit; your fingers curl upwards in the warmth of her cunt, finding that spongy, sensitive spot that’ll make her see stars. She whines - actually fucking whines, high-pitched and desperate, as if to say yes, right there.

“Shit, oh my god…” Ellie’s hands are clutching the sheets, knuckles blanched. “‘M so close.”

You don’t let up, and it only takes a few more moments of your careful ministrations before Ellie’s falling apart, a mess of jolting hips, strangled gasps, and a rush of wetness. You watch her come undone, wishing you could committ the sight to memory. After, you lick your fingers clean.

While Ellie’s spent and recovering from the height of her orgasm, you shuffle to the side of the bed to reach for your nightstand. You roll open the drawer, rummage around, and return to Ellie’s side with a tiny bottle of lube and your strap, the harness made of powder pink fabric. The brunette sighs contentedly when you lean over to kiss her, swiping her sweat-damp bangs away from her forehead. 

“You taste so good, did you know that?” You press another kiss to the corner of Ellie’s lips, feeling the way they twitch into a smile. 

“I really doubt it,” Ellie says.

You scoff. “Don’t doubt my taste.”

“Mm, okay. Fine. I believe you.”

Fighting your own smile, you move back to sit on your heels, cheeks heating when you notice Ellie’s eyes roaming over your naked body. 

“Need something?” 

Ellie nods, then sits up and pulls you in for another kiss, her hand on the back of your neck. “I want you to really fuck me now.” 

“Oh yeah?” You grin at her, your hands making their way to her tits and smoothing over her pebbled nipples. “Think you should learn some manners, Ellie. How about please?”

Her expression goes soft - eyes rounding, mouth pursing. 

“Please,” she says, and her voice is so sweet, it might rot your teeth. “Please fuck me.”

And who are you to deny her what she needs?

As it turns out, Ellie’s pussy was made to take strap. She’s leaned over, face down in one of your pillows, her ass propped up perfectly to give you access to her cunt. Still soaked from her last orgasm, she hardly needs any lube, the strap pushing into her all the way to the hilt without any resistance; she keens when you’re fully seated inside of her, a sound that makes your own pussy throb with need. Every noise she makes is pure heaven - you wish you could record them all, listen to them when you’re in bed at night with your hand between your thighs. 

“Fuuuuck,” Ellie cries out when you hit that sweet spot with the tip of the strap, her head shifting to lean on one side, allowing you to see the look on her face - the roll of her eyes, the way her lips part to let out each of her gasps and moans. 

“How’s that feel, princess?” You ask as you pound into her from behind; you admire the way her back arches deeper, like she’s encouraging you to fuck into her further and further. 

“S-so good,” Ellie stutters weakly. 

“Yeah? Doing so good for me, baby,” you pant. Every slam of your hips against Ellie’s ass makes her grunt, a pleased little sound, short and needy. 

That tiny grunt turns into an impatient whine when you pull out of her entirely, a lewd, wet noise accompanying the motion. 

“Why’d you stop?” Ellie asks, voice small. She cranes her neck to look back at you and the expression on her face is absolutely pathetic.

You give her ass a playful smack, admiring the way it recoils from the contact of your palm. “Want you to flip over. I need to see you come again, you looked so pretty the first time.” 

She does as instructed - she’s already so good at following directions, you’ve learned. When Ellie’s on her back, her face, neck, and chest tinged red with equal parts arousal and exertion, you lean in and whisper praises to her, lining the strap up to her entrance and pushing into her again. 

“Hold your legs up, sweetheart,” you instruct, pushing her thighs up until they’re folded against her body. She nods, panting, and lifts her hands up to hold her legs in place. You slip deeper into her like this; Ellie goes cross-eyed, lips pursed into a pretty “o” shape as you fuck her senseless. It doesn’t take much longer for her to get close again, and when her legs begin to shake with the effort of holding them up for you, you tell her to relax.

“Play with your clit, hm? I want you to come.” 

Ellie nods. “Y-yeah, I can do that. For you.”

“Just for me?” You grin.

“Mm, just for you.”

Her hand shakes as she brings it between her legs, drawing sloppy circles over her clit with her fingers. You keep fucking her, hips snapping restlessly, every lewd squelch of her cunt making you gush wetter and wetter. But as desperate as you are to come, you’re more focused on Ellie - the way she bites her lip, her entire body tense with her impending orgasm. She warns you before she finally tips over the edge: an endless chant of right there, I’m gonna come, you’re gonna make me come, oh my god…

You’re not sure how long you lie there on top of Ellie, still buried inside her, before her breathing finally rights itself again. You spend that time kissing all over her face and running your hands through her auburn hair, untangling a few knotted locks in the process. You’re both covered in a thin layer of sweat, bodies glistening, but neither of you seems to mind. Content to lie there together, you rest until Ellie pulls you in for a kiss - one that turns needy and sloppy not long after. 

“Can I taste you?” Ellie asks between kisses, her lips shiny with saliva. She says it with such hope, like she’s not sure what you’ll say. But you’re still drenched between your legs, inner thighs sticky with it. 

“There’s nothing I want more right now,” you confess. 

So Ellie finds a place between your legs, mouth latching to your clit like it’s muscle memory. You curl a fist into her hair and guide her every move, murmuring instructions, which she follows like the good girl she is. The night continues that way - all whispered pleas and tremoring orgasms, tangled limbs and slick-coated fingers, until the two of you finally doze off, wrapped in each other’s warmth.

And Ellie thinks she’s made a good decision, moving here. Trying something new.

[fozmeadows]

hey. i think i'm going through a phase of self-hatred and… I don't know, of believing I'm not capable of anything. would you have any tips or books that approach this from an AFAB/trans perspective so I can cope? (it's not that I hate myself for being trans. I just have insecurities, anxieties and I don't know what to do to stop most things from seeming so discouraging, for lack of a better word.)

I'm sorry you're having a hard time! I don't have any book recommendations, and I'm not exactly an expert, but:

Where possible, try to focus on what you enjoy about the process of an action instead of worrying about the end result. A lot of anxiety comes from privileging a hypothetical future version of yourself ahead of the person you are in the moment, and while it's still good to have goals and aspirations for the future, that doesn't render your present self irrelevant, because that's who you have to be to achieve them.

To give a personal example: late last year, I was really disappointed with how little reading I'd managed to get done in 2023 particularly, but also over the pandemic. I'd bought all these awesome books that I really wanted to read, but I never seemed to get around to starting most of them, and meanwhile, I was spending hours of my life mindlessly doomscrolling Twitter and TikTok, which regardless of anything else is a really good way to depress yourself about the state of the world. So I sat down and thought about it, and I realized that the problem was how much pressure I was putting on myself about reading. I wanted so badly to finish books that I was psyching myself out of starting them in the first place, because each choice had to be Perfect, lest I pick the wrong book at the wrong time and waste twenty minutes or an hour or three reading something I might later set aside. And because I'd subconsciously set the stakes for starting a book so much higher than they needed to be, I'd end up dithering and scrolling social media to delay having to make a high-pressure choice at all.

In other words: I'd become so concerned about Future Foz's hypothetical dislike of a book I was yet to start reading that Present Foz would be scared to start it in the first place. I was forever privileging a version of myself that didn't exist and likely never would over the person I was now, and it was making me wildly unhappy, because it felt like I was failing at something I loved.

So my single New Years' Resolution became: to value myself and my time in the moment. If I catch myself scrolling for too long, I ask myself: is there literally anything else I'd rather be doing right now? Could I start a TV show, or a book, or a game, or write something, or message a friend, or have a bath? It doesn't matter if the activity goes anywhere long term; what matters is that I inevitably get more pleasure out of doing something than not. My time now matters, because I matter.

And suddenly, just from that one change? For the first time in I couldn't even say how long, I've read something every single day this year. In the whole of 2023, I read just 67 books; it's now the 30th of March 2024, and I've already finished 33. By giving myself permission to start things without the pressure to finish them, I'm suddenly finishing way more than when I was telling myself I had to finish everything, and I am vastly happier for it.

Is the world still a burning hellscape that daily makes me want to yeet a solid 80% of elected politicians globally into the sun? Yes. Am I still working on self-improvement in other areas of my life? Yes. Is it magically any easier being trans and queer in the current moment? No. But it helps to focus on who I am now, in this hour, in this minute, instead of worrying so much about whether some future version of me will think I spent this time badly that I don't use it for anything at all.

I don't know if this is helpful to your situation, and if it's not, I apologize for rambling. But it's a little change I've made lately that's helped me a lot, and I hope it might help you, too.

[maxphilippa]

AYO! NEW CONTENT FOR THE GKGG AU?!

Also shotout to @burgycreeper405-blog cause she helped a lot on Trophy's looks/design and generally helped a lot in developing this AU you're very cool compadre :]♡

YES!!! AND IT'S WITH THIS GROUP OF QUEERS!!

lets start with the basics + what changes with them here!

Trophy: Okay.

Trophy takes the role of Tissues that is, but he's somewhat similar to canon again. Back then he was a jock who was confident on himself but had his heart on the right place. He was admired and well-respected by others for how strong he was and how charming he acted as well, generally being considered a light amongst objects.

So... what went wrong? He was settled, everything was going okay and he was happy.

At one point of his life, the condition came to him. He probably always had it, but it was only at that moment where it "woke up" in a way. He started feeling constantly dizzy and tired, which led him to not be able to work out as much as he used to, constantly started fainting and was unable to do much physical activities, and due to the stress of this, and him not being able to understand what's wrong with him, he cut off ties with everyone that knew him and just... kind of disappeared of everyone's minds.

He felt like he was messing things up and that he wasn't helpful at all, and saw him as an failure. Just because of his condition. He went to many doctors to check what was going on but no one really knew either and they are still figuring things out to help him.

When he arrived to the show, he was absolutely demolished. He was known back then so like. Showing your face to the public after years of being gone was definitely something that shattered his confidence, since he wasn't the same bright and golden loving jock everyone adored, but... just a sad, sick man who can barely even exist without coughing every second or so. He's shy and delicate, and didn't want to stay on the show for too long anyway.

He does feel guilty over infecting Cobs with his condition since it has ruined his own life so like. He didn't want to ruin the life of someone else with it.

So he tends to hide from others. After he arrived to Hotel Origami properly, Paper started to look after him and Trophy started taking his medicine again. He's slowly getting better, the condition still unbearable, but there's some progress on the methods to help him out. He tries to be more social with people and that certainly did help.

Tissues:

Tissues wants to be a magician here. The only thing is that his magic tricks end up being dangerous/harmful for others.

He gets consumed too easily by his desire to be a great magician and make his shows, and meanwhile he has a lot of potential, he needs someone to put his feet at the ground and make him realize that MAYBE a REAL cannon isn't the greatest idea.

At the begin of S2, he acted like a somewhat sly and confident bastard, on a good way, always wanting to impress Fan with his magic tricks since nothing seemed to amaze him, and the knee slap remains since he's a bit of a jokester as well! Uses comedy and magic! But a lot more of magic.

Since Tissues wasn't exactly conscious/aware of the fact that his tricks were hurting/could hurt people, but he was pretty good with the jokes though, he kind of forgot that he had to keep his audience alive.

He almost killed Fan with a small trick and that led Fan to yell at him and say "SEE?! THIS IS WHY YOU WILL NEVER HAVE AN AUDIENCE! YOU'RE HURTING PEOPLE! TALK ABOUT BEING A MONSTER WHEN YOU DIDN'T LOOK AT YOURSELF YET! ... go away. I don't want you near right now. Please."

So that led Tissues to being self conscious and feeling like he was only capable of hurting people. So his cockyness went down and he was somewhat sad, hopeless even, as he felt like some type of awful monster thanks to what Fan said. And magic was the thing he truly adored and was good at, but needed to work on a lot more. But what was the point of doing something that brought distress to others?

He knew he was going to get eliminated anyway and he simply cooled down a lot. He felt like a failure. He thought he found something that he could actually do and enjoy, but maybe he was just... broken. Maybe he had to make commercials again and forget about his dreams. So many years passed, wanting to be recognized by others. And he did now, but not in the way he wanted to be.

Perhaps he deserves to live in the shadows...

But he managed to work those things out in the end (will later on post a drawing + text of it!)

After he arrived to Hotel Origami and properly settled down, he began to rework his tricks and jokes, so his method of doing shows is somewhat like stand up comedy but he tells a story of his life/a joke meanwhile he does the trick itself.

He's charming and sweet, always listening to suggestions and is generally a pretty kind guy. A lot of people come to see his shows even AT the island.

And... Trophy goes to support him too.

And Cheesy, too. Even though Cheesy is there to mock him, he never misses one show.

Tissues swears he heard Cheesy going "wow" once.

Cheesy:

Cheesy is a fun case so to speak (not really). Years ago he was a pretty loving and sweet guy, and wanted to help everyone in anyway that he could. However, this made him an easy target for others, since he was naive.

He didn't have an easy life to put it shortly. He wanted to be happy the way he was, but could never really be since everyone made him a target for jokes. So Cheesy decided that if he can't make them love him, he's gotta adapt to them and make them fear him. But how? He was a lil' guy and not very... you know, intimidating.

But he was completely done at one point. Completely frustrated with life that is. He felt ashamed and completely shut down the kind persona he once was. Started to put his anger on working out, training and that. Relies on some unhealthy habits such as smoking too for stress.

He got into numerous fights and that roughed him up a bit. He's always alert and doesn't want anyone to look at him with pity. Cheesy's pretty strong too, being able to kick Trophy without much stress as well.

Even other jocks fear him too.

He's constantly focused on being the best and being respected in a way, sure, he's not loved, but people definitely fear him.

However... he does feel pretty lonely at times. He does want a friend. But Cheesy doesn't know how to have or make friends in a good way. Heck! Even the other jocks he befriended were still assholes to him! So you can imagine how awkward it is for him.

Test Tube was... someone that he actually wanted to befriend. But she was not interesed on the slightest, which is fair, she has never been the type to *do friendships in the middle of the show*, but that still felt unfair for Cheesy. But perhaps it was also for the fact that Test Tube was actually just... chill with him as she said "sorry, mate, i'm not really interesed, good luck tho".

And when he found out about the Hello Kitty doll... well. He did what others did to him.

If they don't want to be your friend, force them.

But the difference is that he was... actually not that shocked with being kicked out. Just angry with himself in a way and got that out on Box.

So that results in him being kicked out by Test Tube herself.

Once he settles down in Hotel Origami, his life does take a whole ass spin.

He's still a jock but. He found himself caring for Trophy and his condition slowly, even if he tosses the subject away and says that he's just frustrated because he can't sleep well at night thanks to his roomate. He acts kind of like a dick, and is almost always alone, since no one really hangs out with him out of fear or frustration. Paper and him do argue a lot in the beggining since Cheesy is careless.

But... as time passes by, and the closer he starts getting to Trophy and Tissues, the softer he gets. And he *fucking hates it*, he doesn't want to go back to who he was, everyone will make fun of him again, he thinks. He's always there with/for them, mocking them, but still there. He doesn't have to be. But he adapted the mentality of "I'm the only one who can make fun of these two idiots", since he gets protective with them as well.

He starts to become more chill as time passes by, his relationship with Tissues and Trophy still being uncertain, but they did "turn him into the softest bitch he knows".

He started to hang out calmly with the other residents. Actually made some... connections not based on fear but genuine enjoyment. His relationship with Paper got better as he helps with the Hotel. Started getting the help he needed.

Instead of photography, his hobby would be painting landscapes and or animals based on photos he takes.

And even other objects sometimes but... He's too ashamed to admit that golden and teal are colors that he uses too much.

He sucks at jokes but he's great at pick up lines.

Have extra art of these three:

not too fond of gay people /j

[h0r0gur4mu]

🔬📐Turing Love!

turing [toor-ing]

a person skilled in mathematics.

aroace coded reader [but reader does not have to be aroace] nerdy!reader, gn!reader x hobie brown

qpr [queer platonic relationship]

fluff, songfic, one curse word

“Laws of attraction? Why are you asking me that Hobie? You should already know.” You answered, not bothering to look away from the experiment you were doing.

“Y’know, attraction. An I’m not talkin magnets or anything like that.”

You glared. “You just took away my like, easiest example. Not that you don’t already know that opposites attract.” Fixing your jacket, you reached for your safety goggles, only to land on air.

Hobie dangled them over your head. “Attraction! Love, friendship—explain that science eh?”

You jumped for the goggles. “Someone needs a scientific question on why you’re so damn tall!” [if you’re tall then ignore the sentence lmao]

“Plus,” you paused, looking at him. “Love is stupid. It doesn’t even really deserve a science. And don’t go talking about familya-love ‘cause I know you meant romance-love!”

“Haven’t got a scooby doo about romance. Didn’t even mean it romantically. Or, uh, in specifics.”

In quick review, you couldn’t really answer Hobie’s question [seemingly]. It wasn’t necessarily stupid, but over the span of your life you rarely [or never] experienced a crush. At least not the one’s they show on T.V. Relationships like that just lacked appeal. They weren’t right.

“What do you mean not romantically?”

“Well we friends right?

“Yeah… platonic attraction…”

“But we got chemistry.”

“That’s literally romantic.”

Hobie dropped the goggles on your lap. “Nuh uh.”

You turned around in your seat and glared at him. “Then what? Are you trying to say there’s some type of love that transcends the labels of romantic, emotional, platonic, or sexual?!”

“Bingo.”

You had to sleep on this. It didn’t even really make sense, what he said. Don’t get anyone wrong—you weren’t one to act like scientific standards were unchanging. The opposite actually—one truth five minutes ago can change, because human knowledge is constantly changing, and the earth is constantly changing. But where could someone who never falls in love understand love? Maybe Hobie’s just stupid.

Yeah right, he made a whole watch out of scraps.

“I really don’t need my inner conscience questioning me too.”

“So I slept on it and…”

“And…”

You snatched a beaker from the shelf and slammed the door. “What you said doesn’t even make sense. Was it some sort of confession?”

“Mm, sorta.”

“In any other scenario I would’ve rejected you but… It’s you. So this confession isn’t some simple crush confession. It’s something complicated. Like everything else about you.”

Hobie spun around in his chair and smiled. “Yup.”

“Can’t you just go and tell me?” You groaned. “Pleeeeaseee?”

“One, discov’aries don’t come easy.” He handed you a test tube so you could measure. “Two… I don’t really know eitha.”

“Mm…” You muttered. “Then I might as well reject you anyway huh?”

“Will you?”

“Well I wouldn’t exactly be a good scientist if I did right?” You looked back at him. “My career revolves around enhancing life and helping people. And you… need help identifying your feelings.”

“You’re makin me sound’ll mushy n’ stuff.”

“That’s cause y’are.”

Unfortunately, love can’t be solved with a simple equation. Well, yes, the dopamine we get from seeing a loved one is a scientific component—but it needs to go further than that.

“I’m just… not really a fan of all that: you’re so sexy!!! stuff.”

“Me neitha… so… what are we a fan of?”

“A heart to heart dinner at a fancy restaurant is cool in some ways, but not in a romance movie way.”

“True…”

“So what?!”

“Have you ever felt like saying ‘you’re hot’ to one kinda means somethin’ more? Not from anotha person—from yaself—like—‘I feel so connected to you I want to form a life bond because I treasure you deeply?”

“… Actually, yeah.”

So we’ve made a breakthrough! [Sort of.] It has something to do with connection. But how does that connection diverge from other connections? The several experiments shown—touching, kissing, holding—these can all be watered down to preferences. And while you enjoyed these things with Hobie, what made you different than any other romantic or sexual couple?

“It’s a society thing, methinks.”

“Who the hell says methin—nevermind. How so?”

“Well,” Hobie pressed his thumb to his flat four fingers on both hands. “If two kiss,” he made his hands kiss, “then it’s I guess romantic. And ya like that friend. But that’s not all-the-time true.”

“Yeah, but… we’re not exactly friends. And we don’t exactly want to date.”

“Then we sorta gotta create somethin’ new here. Orrr… not label this new relationship at all.”

“We could at least call it something.”

“We could just conform to the norms.” He made a 🫰🏿with his hands. “You’re bae.” [this was said in an american accent.]

“First of all never say that shit again. Second of all… I’ve got a name: Turing Love.”

“Stupid name.”

“No it isn’t!”

Hobie scratched his head. “And even if we did submit this as some sort of ‘Turing Love,’ who says it would be accepted.”

You held his hand and looked at him.

“We’ll just have to prove it.” You smiled.

He laughed a little. “Alright then. Can’t argue with that, can I?”

[You learned a week later that it is in-fact, an identified type of relationship, and it is in-fact, not called Turing Love.]

“I thought your name for it’s better anyway.”

“Shut up.”

[dudeyuri]

I'm having thoughts and feelings about bad buddy must be a day that ends in y. But like, last episode tomorrow, kind of verklempt, need to word vomit

My first watch of Bad Buddy kind of smacked me upside the head. I know this is not a unique experience. I was left reeling for a bit. Watching Bad Buddy was the first thing I did in 2023 and I watched all 12 episodes in one sitting like a glutton and I stayed up til 1am even though I had to get up at 4am the next day (I haven't done stupid shit like that since college). Then I started my rewatch the next day. Then I put it aside for months because it was actually a physical ache in my chest when I thought about it. I just...never?? encountered such a fulfilling narrative that followed through on all its promises. Even with its deliberate deceptions and twists and uncertainties - I put my trust in Bad Buddy's narrative and was rewarded for doing so like never before.

It got me from the first episode - the first episode did what I think almost every first episode should do: tell you exactly what the story is going to be, without telling you exactly what the story is going to be. Fantastic writing, deliberate pacing, satisfying character development, pitch-perfect acting, all top-notch. It kept the energy up all throughout even as it got heavier, and stuck the landing in such a profound and bittersweet way. This was the first Thai BL I've ever watched, and probably the third BL I've ever watched period. One of my first impressions after finishing it even for the first time was that it was, maybe above all else, self aware.

My initial impression was also not a unique one: so far this is funny, charming, an exciting premise. And by episode 4 I was starting to get hit with it: this story is all those things and a knife in your gut, a lump in your throat. And it's queer, and it's tragic. Like, from the jump we see the two households both alike in dignity, we know what this is: it's Romeo and Juliet (or Kwan and Riam). We know how it ends. Pran knows how it ends. They teased us the whole show with Pran's decor, his doorknob hanger, like this show's version of a comedy and tragedy mask - what's it going to be? How's it going to end? Everyone watching knows how romcoms typically end. But everyone also knows how Romeo and Juliet ends.

In a move that can really only be described as revolutionary, Bad Buddy decided that queering the Romeo and Juliet narrative meant a happy ending. With caveats, but happy and alive and together. It was as simple as two characters finding their agency in a world trying to deprive them of it, seeing every path around them that led to tragedy, and instead trailblazing a new one that led to happiness. (everything that could be said about this has already been said; I look to this essay by @chickenstrangers often!! helped me make sense of pat gets shot lol. MK I hope you're not sick of people linking this left and right). It's a narrative choice that resounds.

I was personally struck by that specific pain Pat and Pran experience, the pain of having to lie to your parents and keep love a secret from them - is there a queer person out there who doesn't relate to that in a bone-achingly deep way? Regardless of your relationship with your family. Having to partition yourself like this is part of the queer experience. And it's exhausting because you just have to live like this. It's exhausting because the people who are supposed to love you have made a liar of you instead. You can be surviving and thriving and happy, but your parents will still ask your siblings about their love lives and ask you about the weather (too real??? oops). There's a hint at a possible thawing in the final episode that gives hope, but Bad Buddy does not magically make the parents realize they were wrong and accept their sons' love - I mean, that just doesn't happen. It would have made for a disingenuous ending, it would have been a disservice to the narrative and to the viewers and to the metaphor. If you're lucky enough to have parents who would, you're lucky. It's a sad truth. "We can't change the world...but the world can't change us either."

At first glance, Bad Buddy plays in the "BL bubble". Upon a slightly closer examination Bad Buddy says there can never really be a bubble--stories aren't crafted in a vacuum, the dominant ideology that is homophobia traumatizes and endangers and oppresses all who do not align with it, still there are happy endings for us here. We find each other and carve them out ourselves. To say all this, and to not veer into heavy-handed "yeah okay we get it" territory is a feat honestly! Seldom accomplished in such a riveting and sexy way! How refreshing! Bad Buddy reminded me of reading a good poem - upon first read, a good poem is about "a thing," and it's evocative as is and you don't even have to read it again to enjoy it. But you can also consider it carefully and unearth "the other thing," a deeper meaning, the answer to "why was this written?". Bad Buddy trusts its viewers to get there. I mean I know it's really not much of a hidden message, but again, they are subtle with it, iykyk etc. BB doesn't hold our hand, but it takes our trust and respects it and doesn't break it (though it shakes the jar, like quite a bit, lol. All good stories should tbh).

I think a lot about the form, too. In a less capable storyteller's hands 12 one-hour-long episodes can drag (I'm thinking of some recent gmmtv BLs lol), or even not be enough (I feel like I personally see that in a lot of western shows whose fanbases are out here begging for second seasons to tie up loose ends). P'Aof (and co.) knew exactly what to do with 12 episodes. Has anyone in the entire history of TeleVision ever known what to do with 12 one-hour-long episodes as undeniably as P'Aof and co in making Bad Buddy??

I know I'm being a little dramatic, excessively lauding good writing like this. Like yeah stories should be good and thoughtful and make sense, of fucking course. But I just have to appreciate it in a genre, in a capitalist reality, where a story does not have to be profound or clever or full of love to be marketable. They truly did not have to go this hard. (Though the writer in me who now considers Aof a personal idol also thinks: yes of course they absolutely did have to go this hard in fact It Is The Only Way). I'm so so grateful for it for so many reasons!! And I didn't even breach the topic of how fun and sexy I think Pat and Pran are together. Didn't even mention the fingersucking, the scent kink, the kissies - all genuinely just as important to me as everything else. It's all in the making of a good story! I am taking notes through my tears and I am so thankful

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

Good Omens 2 Episode 2: free to be you and me

Apologies for any case of violent feels the title may give rise to. But hey. Two people that connect in the gray space of deviation from the normative frames they should adhere to, and there find the freedom to be themselves (they allow themselves the liberty to give in to temptation...), and in that gray space find a vast loneliness, but they’re not in fact alone, because they have each other.

So, this episode. First of all, a shout-out to the stars of it, Job’s family, who were amazing. Also a shout-out to the humor, which was hilarious. “I have a permit”, “They can arrive in any size”... anyway. Back to srs bsns.

The ep keeps exploring the topic that the first episode put on the table: the difference between Aziraphale and Crowley, and where the line lies - the line that demarcates how Crowley fell and Aziraphale didn’t.

In the nebula scene in the first episode, it would seem that the difference between them is Aziraphale’s anxiety. Crowley is straightforward, doesn’t hesitate to express his doubts and frustrations about God’s will, while Aziraphale is too fearful to step over the line.

But that’s quite easy when it’s about a bunch of gases and rocks and stardust floating in the universe. And that is still not too difficult when it’s about goats. But what if it’s about people? Children?

Then not even his anxiety manages to stop Aziraphale from doing what he feels is right.

So who decides who falls? The Almighty (who can’t possibly be fooled by tricks and lies) or the archangels? Or maybe this is exactly God’s plan for the two of them? Are we going to learn, or is it going to be, well, ineffable and unknowable?

Basically... is God the fundamental villain in the Good Omens universe, too?

Changing topics but only slightly - something absolutely intriguing is how the Job situation happens not too long before the scene in ancient Rome from season 1, where it’s Aziraphale who casually mentions tempting Crowley with some tasty food. And now we learn that it’s Crowley who first tempted him with food, or maybe tempt is the wrong word, but more like... gave a little nudge, and Aziraphale did everything else on his own. Angels can’t be tempted, Crowley says, but over the course of the episode he lies over and over. Is that a lie? Or is it in fact a truth (maybe unbeknownst to Crowley himself), and it was not Crowley’s temptation to make Aziraphale fall in love with food, but just an opportunity Aziraphale encountered?

Aziraphale tasting the roasted meat, of course, mirrors humans tasting the fruit in Eden. Technically they were tempted by the snake. But one could argue how much the responsibility is on the tempter, and how much is on the ones that made the choice to taste the forbidden food.

Aziraphale, after all, does not quite wait for Crowley to tempt him before taking certain steps. He goes to stop Crowley from killing the children, and only later learns that Crowley had no intention, despite his claims, to kill them, just like he didn’t kill the goats.

Where’s that line? How much are they different, and how much are they alike? The episode ends with the suggestion that they’re exactly the same, and the fact that one fell and one didn’t is tied to something that isn’t what they expect to be.

Returning for a sec to the topic of Aziraphale’s supposed fall into temptation in regards to the food... oh man. I could write so much about a narrative that revolves around angels and gluttony and desire and deviation as perceived weakness and queerness metaphor. But if you are reading this post you have read all of this already, so there’s not really need for me to waste pixels.

(Brainworms about how the circle of inspiration across Good Omens, The Sandman and Supernatural, because Supernatural wouldn’t exist in the way we know it without those, but the new tv shows wouldn’t exist without Supernatural. I mean it in a good, good way. Finally someone understood how to harness the Supernatural energy in the correct way.)

Long story short, I expect this season to have a certain 12x10 Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets vibe to it. You know what I’m talking about.

It’s probably stupid to make spec about a season that most of you have already watched in its entirety, but I refuse to acknowledge the shitty whole-season-drop. Sorry, I am the fandom grandpa that refuses to accept modernity.

It’s time for me to go prepare dinner so I’ll end this post here. See you tomorrow with the next episode ;)

[mattsdae]

help wanted pt 3

read part 1 and part 2 and part 4

content warnings: joe young x masc reader , hurt/comfort , joe’s congregation finds out about his little side gig , lots of fluff , reader actually being nice to joe , but also gets called out , makeout session lol , cumming in pants , situational humiliation but /neg , joe has a weird surge of dominance

word count: ~4.1 k

synopsis: joe gets bad news and goes to reader for comfort

a/n: this is set some time in the late 90’s/early 00’s. once again, i never watched the movie so idk when it actually takes place but i get the vibe.

“joe said he can’t come in, so i guess the whole shoot is cancelled.” dave’s voice crackled over the phone line as you huffed. it was 8 am, only a couple of hours before you were supposed to head in to film. you thought for a moment, still trying to wake up. he was clearly upset, probably being told they wouldn’t be paid if nothing was released. it was a common threat, but it never got to that point before.

“do you know why he cancelled? that doesn’t seem like him.” everyone on the shoot knew how reliable he was. he’s never called out on a shoot before or showed up late. even though he was only a pornstar, he still had a solid work ethic. you and everyone else on the team trusted him more than any other pornstar in the past.

“he said there was some personal shit he had to deal with. he sounded real upset, so i just let him go handle it.” you nod.

“okay. i guess just let me know when our next shoot is. i’ll try to check up on him later, just to make sure he’s okay.” dave laughs.

“if y’all are queers, just say it.” you scoff.

“dude, chill. you know joe’s mormon, he’d probably have a heart attack if he knew what we were doing was gay.”

“he doesn’t know already? didn’t he cum on you?” you flushed.

“look, just let me handle it? okay? he’s really sensitive and i don’t need you running around talking about how much of a fag he is.” you rubbed your temple, frustration clear in your voice.

“i’m not calling him a fag, i’m calling him a queer. there’s a big difference.” you rolled your eyes and laid back down in your bed.

“i’m going back to sleep. call me if you need me,” you said and hung up. just as you were curling back up in your sheets, you phone rang again. without looking at the caller id, you answered with a groan. “what?”

you heard crying along with what you assumed were words. you looked at the number and recognized joe’s. he kept crying while trying to blubber out explainations.

“hold on, joe. calm down. take a deep breath,” you tried to comfort but he kept crying. he kept babbling, too upset to form proper words. you quietly hushed him, a small shh until he stopped talking. “take a deep breath. try to follow me.”

you took a breath, counting to four as you breathed in, held it and breathed out. even though he gasped and sobbed throughout, he was at least trying to listen. you repeated until his breaths were relatively even.

“are you okay? can you try to talk slow for me?” you asked but he almost instantly started sobbing again.

“they- they know! they saw my videos and, and they kicked me out!” he wailed.

“who? what did they kick you out of?”

“my church!” he let out a long cry, sniffling and gasping as he did so. you didn’t know how to respond. you weren’t exactly expecting a phone call from joe at 8 am about being ex-communicated from mormonism. you swallowed.

“shh, shh.. it’s okay. just breathe, that’s all you gotta do. just breathe..” he still cried, but was no longer wailing. “good, in and out. everything’s gonna be okay, joey. just breathe.”

“i’m sorry, i know you sleep in but- but i don’t have anyone else..” your heart ached as he said it.

“it’s okay, baby. where are you? you’re safe, right?” he sniffles.

“i’m in my car.. i had to pull over ‘cause i couldn’t see too well.” you cooed.

“i’m so sorry, sweetheart. is everything okay?” he hums.

“as good as i can be. i’m sorry, y/n. i shouldn’t have bothered you..”

“don’t apologize. what do you need?” he whimpered.

“can i come over? i-it’s fine if i can’t,” he started to ramble. he tried to cover up the fact that he needed you, making sure that you knew he didn’t need to come over, but the truth was obvious.

“yeah, you can come over.”

joe was knocking on your door within 15 minutes, which interrupted your frenzied cleaning as you picked up whatever trash you had laying around. it wasn’t perfect, but definitely presentable. you opened the door.

“hey-“ he cut you off, pulling you into a tight hug. he squeezed, arms wrapped around your waist and forcing your hands in the air as you avoided them getting pinned to your sides. it almost hurt how tight he held you, his strength hidden well by the costumes and the uniform he always wore.

“i’m sorry,” he mumbled. his face was buried in your chest, unable to bring himself to move away. slowly, your arms wrapped around him as well, a hand finding it’s way to the back of his neck, fingers becoming intertwined in his hair.

“you don’t need to apologize.” he nods. you toy with his hair, waiting for him to make the decision to pull away. after a while, it felt like he never would, too enamored by your embrace. “do you want to tell me what happened?”

“they.. they found out about my job.” he sniffled. you sighed. for some reason, you never really questioned how he did porn as a career. you knew he was religious and most likely used different stunt devices to avoid showing himself off, but you forgot to question how he went to church the next day, knowing he was going against one of the biggest laws of his religion.

“oh, baby..” you held him closer as you heard him sob, parts of your shirt starting to feel wet against your chest. his grip tightened. his hands gripped onto your shirt, forming fists as he cried. you looked up, blinking away tears of your own. you weren’t a cryer, but hearing him made it difficult not to. “let’s sit down, okay? i’ll put something on, how does that sound?”

he nods, slowly letting you go. you led him, hand on his back, towards the couch. he sat and looked up at you with big, teary eyes. you pouted, holding his cheek for a moment and wiping the excess off. he shut his eyes, leaning into the touch. he really is gorgeous, even with flushed cheeks and red eyes. you understood why he held you for so long, now wanting to stay in this position forever, just as he did.

“what do you want to watch?” you pulled your hand away, sitting next to him. he looked down.

“i never really watched tv before.” you looked at him, trying to read his face and see if he was joking.

“you’ve never watched tv?”

“i have! but not that often. i used to watch service on the tv when i was sick and i couldn’t go in. that counts, right?” your jaw dropped, a grin spreading as you quickly flipped through channels.

“dude, you really never watched cable? that’s fuckin’ crazy!” you laugh. he shrinked a little in his seat, taking your attention away from the tv guide. “it’s fine, man. i’m messing with you. i’m about to show you some of my favorite shows, if i can find them.”

you wrapped your arm around him, ruffling his hair with a smile until he returned it. you pulled away again. you glanced over at him, seeing how politely he sat. his back was straight and hands were placed directly over his legs.

“dude, relax. kick your feet up or something.” he watched as you rested your feet on the coffee table. he looked shocked.

“on the furniture?” you nod. he leans down, taking off his shoes and placing them underneath the table neatly before awkwardly kicking his feet up. you wiggled, digging yourself deeper into the couch.

“just lean back and relax. do you want something to eat?“ he shook his head, trying to copy your movement and get more comfortable. “i can’t find anything good. it’s too early for all the actually entertaining shit..”

“oh, what about tom and jerry! i’ve watched that before!” he pointed at the tv. you almost shot down the idea, before deciding against it. he was already upset enough, why not let him watch whatever he wanted?

“uhh, sure.” you clicked on it. he pulled his feet away from the table, instead pulling his knees to his chest and watching the screen with his head resting on top of them. he smiled as it instantly opened to tom chasing jerry down the hallway before getting hit by a frying pan. he giggled.

“why are you staring at me?” he looked over. you didn’t even realize you were staring until he said it. he was still smiling at you. your face reddened.

“oh, i was just making sure you’re.. okay.” you excused, leaning back and focusing on the tv. he nodded. you stretched your arms across the top of the couch, now feeling anxious about having him in your house. you almost felt paranoid about leaving something out. you didn’t clean out the fridge, so that probably looks bad. you also forgot to put your laundry in the hamper. actually, you forgot to do a lot of stuff. you should have cleaned the bathroom at least, maybe even mop-

“do you have any movie recommendations?” he pulled you out of your racing thoughts. his arms wrapped around his knees, bottom half of his face covered by his bicep. “i never watched any movies before. maybe i should start now since i’m not.. mormon anymore.”

“uhh, yeah, man. i have some tapes we can watch. or we can go by blockbuster and you can pick some stuff out. my treat,” you smiled. his eyes lit up.

“really?! i always wanted to go there!” within 10 minutes, you were driving him to the nearest blockbuster in the same attire you slept in, only with socks and slides added to your outfit. he was buzzing, a big smile on his face as you parked. “have you been here before?”

“yeah, dude. i used to work here, actually.” he smiled even harder.

“really? i used to always wonder what it was like to work outside of the church.” he mumbled as you both stepped out of the car. you stuck your hands in your hoodie pockets, glancing over at joe as he basically skipped to the door. you smiled.

he was cute, you admit. he was sweet and so innocent you could barely wrap your head around it. the idea of someone like that actually existing made you hurt, especially since he trusted you of all people. you sighed as you opened the door.

“aw shit, get out! get out!” the manager yelled. joe paused, staring in genuine fear as you laughed. you patted his back.

“he’s fucking with us, dude. that’s anthony.” you pointed towards him as he held out his hand to shake joe’s. he awkwardly held his out as well before anthony took the initiative to grab it and shake.

“anthony. what’s your name?” he asked before glancing down and noticing his name tag. elder young. “damn it, y/n. you dragged a mormon in here?”

joe quickly unclipped his nametag and stuffed it in his pocket.

“ex mormon. now that he’s ex-communicated, we thought to do some things he wasn’t allowed to do.”

“oh, i’m sorry about that, man.” joe nodded, still looking away. “we have most of the classics in stock, short of pulp fiction. some guy came in here with his girl talking about how it’s the greatest piece of fiction ever created.”

“what a douche,” you laughed. joe glanced at you and you tilted your head towards the shelves. “go look around. just grab whatever you think looks cool while i catch up.”

he nods, disappearing behind a random shelf that he clearly wouldn’t be interested in. you watched as his eyes darted around the store, trying to find a genre that caught his eye. he was clearly overwhelmed by the volume of movies.

“how’s that.. ‘filming gig’ going?” anthony spoke up, using air quotes as he scanned returns and put them in a box. you shrugged.

“it’s going pretty okay. that’s actually how i met him.” you nodded towards joe as he grabbed ring and jumped when he turned the boxset and saw the girl crawling out of the well. you chuckled. “i’m making good enough money to get by. i was supposed to be filming today but something came up.”

“oh yeah? so you decided to go out on a little date with an ex mormon.” he emphasized the ‘ex’ like you did before. you rolled your eyes.

“it’s not a date, dumbass. we’re just friends.” this time, he rolled his eyes.

“i’m the dumbass? you’re the one walking in here with heart eyes for the dude. plus, you met on a porn set.” he whispered the last part. he glanced at joe, who wondered his way to the 18+ section before quickly departing. “was he an actor or did he pull up on set trying to sell the whole jesus thing to you.”

“shut up. look, i just helped him out with figuring out what certain words mean.“

“did you demonstrate or-“

“fuck off.” you turned away as he laughed. he put the final tape down and leaned forward on the counter.

“he seems like a sweet kid. you aren’t.. taking advantage of him, are you?” you turned to him, shocked by his bluntness. “i just wanna make sure. i know you aren’t a bad guy, but i gotta look out for people. if i thought someone was taking advantage of you, i’d say something.”

“i’m not taking advantage of shit. he asked for help, he gave him help, end of story.” you sat by the counter for another couple of seconds, waiting for his comeback.

“i’m guessing he was ex-communicated because he’s gay?” you tensed up a bit, looking away.

“no. he doesn’t know that..” anthony furrowed his eyebrows, looking you up and down.

“you had sex, how doesn’t he-“ you shushed him.

“we didn’t have sex. i just.. told him i was just helping him out. i don’t want him to freak out about being gay. he already called me crying over being kicked out of his church, i don’t need to make him more upset.”

“so you’re lying to him?” you paused.

“what?”

“you’re lying to him so he doesn’t know that what your doing is gay.”

“i’m not.. i didn’t lie. i’m just protecting him.” anthony held up his hands, turning away.

“whatever you say, man. he’s gonna figure it out at some point, though.” you scoffed.

“whatever.” you went towards where he was, seeing he was stood in front of the kids movies. he already had a couple in his arms, including the lion king, a tom and jerry movie you didn’t know existed, and mighty joe young. “you picked that because it has your name, right?”

“what?” you pointed at the vhs and he blushed. “oh, um. y-yeah.”

“that’s cute.” you didn’t even realize you said it out loud until anthony laughed in the back. you poked your head from between the shelves and glared. he mouthed ‘just friends’ as you went back to joe.

an hour later, you were sat on your couch with joe watching titanic. turns out, he never heard of the titanic so after a brief history lesson, you started the movie. joe watched intently while you mostly spaced out. you’ve seen the movie a couple of times, but never found it super interesting. he liked the cover, though, so you rented it.

“we should do that.” he pointed at the screen, pulling you out of whatever thought you were having. you looked. jack and rose kissing at the front of the boat. you turned a little red, trying to figure out if he was joking. obviously, he wasn’t.

“what? they’re just kissing.” you shrugged off the comment as if you weren’t flushed. he pouted.

“i’ve never kissed anyone before. is it nice?” he looked at you, genuinely curious. you nodded.

“yeah, kinda. if you like the person, it’s nice.”

“why would you kiss someone you don’t like?” he questioned. you flushed, looking away and watching the screen.

“i mean, i don’t like every girl i sleep with. it’s weird to kiss someone during a one night stand anyways; it’s too intimate. i mean, i don’t even like kissing that much.” now, he flushed.

“why would you.. sleep with someone if you don’t want to be intimate?” you shrugged again, starting to feel defensive.

“sometimes you’re just horny and you have to go out and find someone to sleep with. it’s common.” he stopped asking questions after that, most likely realizing that you didn’t have good answers anyways.

it was quiet for the rest of the movie, leaving you to marinate in your embarassment. he didn’t mean to, but he made you feel horrible. maybe it was a mix of what anthony said earlier along with his questioning that made you feel this sleazy.

the movie ended and you went to rewind the tape before putting it back in the case. he didn’t say anything, not even about the movie. as you clicked the case shut, you looked at him.

“do you really want to practice kissing with me?” you tilted your head. he thought for a moment before responding.

“do you want to?” you did, but him making you admit it made you feel even worse. holding back your ego, you nodded before sitting next to him again.

you felt your heart race as he shuffled a little closer. you patted your lap, inviting him to sit. he adjusted, lifting his leg to go over your lap and straddle you. he planted himself, now closer to you than ever, his nose just an inch from yours. you could feel him, the heat from his body radiating onto you as your heart beat quicker. you could smell him, too. a fresh scent that you weren’t familiar with. it was intoxicating. his eyes flicked between your features, focusing on your lips. he swallowed.

“what should i do?” he asked, voice cracking as it broke the threshold of being a whisper. his hands landed on your chest, kneading your shirt nervously. you wondered if he could feel your heart racing. you held his waist, glancing down at his lips as he chewed on it.

“kiss me.” and that he did. he closed the gap between you two, lips pressed against eachother, just as you started to kiss back, he pulled away with a quiet smack, only giving you a small peck. you chuckled, hand leaving his waist and to the back of his head, fingers pulling at his hair. “come on, baby. you can do more than that..”

he nods, closing the gap again. he was still gentle, nervous to do something wrong, but with you now guiding him, he felt more confident. you bit on his lip, making him moan against you. you could never get enough of his noises, instantly trying to find ways to hear more. he squirmed, hips moving in circles subconsciously. you joined him, moaning as he grinded against you.

he sucked your bottom lip in, hands moving from your chest to your face. he cupped your cheeks, holding you still as you licked. his mouth opened as he let go and you took the opportunity, tongue meeting his. he moaned again, hips bucking against yours. your right hand gripped his hips, guiding them back and forth while you played with his hair. both of you echoed eachothers noises, muffled by your lips. you pulled away.

“you’re good at this..” you huffed, weirdly out of breath for something as simple as making out. you looked at his lips, shimmering. when you looked back up into his eyes, you found he was watching you intently, pupils blown. you smiled.

“you like it?” he asked. you chuckled. you did like it and he should be able to feel how much you like it just as you felt him. either way, you nod, pulling him closer again. his eyes fluttered shut, lips just barely grazing eachother.

“i love it, sweetheart.” you couldn’t get enough. his hips rolled against yours and his hand moved back to your hair. you were throbbing in your pants, but you couldn’t imagine pulling away. his slacks were almost rough against your sweatpants, fabric constricting his thighs. you quickly unbuckled his belt. he pulled your hair, making you gasp.

“i just wanna kiss. is that okay?” your eyebrows furrowed, mouth hung open as you nodded. he kissed again, picking up exactly where you left off. your groin felt warm as you witnessed dominance in him. you would have felt proud if it weren’t trumped by pleasure. he toyed with your hair, making you whimper.

never in your entire life have you been this turned on by making out. it almost felt like a chore to you most of the time, but now you couldn’t get enough. you could feel him, through his uniform, the nametag in his pocket prodding. the feeling heated you. knowing he was ex-communicated, that he’s all yours, only made you want more. you needed to teach him everything. you needed him to know how to please you and only you. he let go of your hair and you grabbed his wrist.

“fuck, keep pulling it..” you whined. he nods, yanking it. you whimper, gripping his hip harder as he did it. you looked at him, seeing a look on his face you could only describe as corrupted. he wanted more, just like you did. he wanted to hear you and feel you, desperate for it. his eyes were darker than you’ve seen them, glancing over you as he thought of what to do next.

the gap closed. your hands ran up and down his body, sliding over the button up. you untucked it, fingers running over his bare skin now. he moaned, squeezing his fist and pulling again to hear you respond. you did, squeezing his side. his skin was soft, almost silky. you pawed and caressed him as he grinded down on you. it was addicting. the push and pull, constantly grasping at eachother for more.

his free hand retreated from your face, running down your chest. you groan as he begins palming you, experimenting with his touches as you writhed under him. it was overwhelming. you needed more but you couldn’t handle it. everything was warm and he was moaning against you. his fingers tugged at your hair with just the right pressure. you fucking loved it. you loved him.

you trembled, moaning into his mouth as he did the same. you throbbed, cumming in your pants. he kept moving, hips stuttering as he came at the same time. you both sounded pathetic, high pitched whines and moans as he grinded down. his thighs trembled, your hips bucking up into him.

he pulled away, panting. you buried your face in his neck, still rutting into him as you finished. your arms wrapped around him and you pulled him close, basking in his warmth. it took a while before the wetness in your underwear made itself more apparent and you realized what happened.

“shit, shit.. it’s okay.” you quickly adjusted him until he got off. he watched as you looked around, trying to find something to wipe off with. “fuck, it’s fine. let’s just.. let’s get cleaned up.”

“what’s wrong?” he asked as you rushed to your room. you grabbed a rag from the bathroom, wetting it, before you grabbed whatever underwear and pants were clean. “y/n, what’s wrong?”

“don’t be embarassed, baby.” you comforted, ignoring the fact that he wasn’t even embarassed. you kept mumbling comforting phrases as you cleaned him and yourself up. you dressed him, putting him in a pair of your underwear and pants.

“thank you.” he said slowly as you dressed yourself. you didn’t respond, instead grabbing up all the dirty clothes and throwing it in the wash, desperate to get rid of any evidence that anything happened.

don’t get it twisted, you weren’t embarrassed about making out, at least not that much, but you were utterly humiliated by cumming in your pants. you never thought it would happen. you almost struggled to cum when you were with girls, why would you cum prematurely with a guy?

you found your way back to the couch, sitting on the opposite end as you realized he put another movie in. this time, it was the lion king. you didn’t really watch, though. instead, you stared straight forward in shock. he turned to you.

“is everything okay?” you nod. he scoots a little closer, reaching his hand out and touching your thigh. you looked away, hiding your face in your palm. “i don’t know why you would be, but don’t be embarassed. i’m sure everyone’s done it before. i did it, too!”

you wanted to cry. he tried to comfort you the same way you did for him. his voice was so gentle, it hurt. you loved him. even though you tried to convince yourself you were confused and horny, it settled in. he was perfect and you loved him. he patted your leg and pulled away, settling on the opposite end as scar was introduced.

[crankpit]

ok highlights from heartstopper s2 because i need to rant

- literally all taoelle scenes ESP PROM!!!!! them dancing together!! they’re so perfect

- “and how did you know that this is my favorite chocolate bar?” GOD

- darcy asking tara if she’d still like her if she was a worm

- tao’s coursework 😭

- the moment nick finishes his last exam and they all run out the room laughing. a beautiful love letter to adolescence.

- the soundtrack!!!!!!! literally all the songs

- “i bet you’ve all been laughing at me behind my back because i’ve been so oblivious” 😭

- darcy vs. the invisible fish

- mon amour

- all the exact quotes from the comics esp the bit with darcy calling tara “jonesy”

- TAO. just in general. he’s so perfect.

- literally everyone’s reaction to nick speaking french

- elle’s outfits???!!!!!!!??? also elle’s smile

- tara’s folklore poster. yes.

- tao giving elle apple juice and running away (twice)

- embarrassed and awkward nick seeing the hickey. “i don’t even know how to do that” MY ANGEL!!!! “oh my god, wtht—is that—? did i do that?” BRO YES

- “i’m sure we’ll get to do it one day”

- giggling after making out

- “we WILL be having words!!!!”

- tao answering the door shirtless obviously

- nick and tao getting to know each other 🥺 tao being reluctant at first but then obviously couldn’t resist opening his heart to nick’s golden retrieverness

- the way kit’s such a fuckin HEARTTHROB. he’s insanely good at playing head over heels. hugh grant Who like literally

- the immaculate found family vibes. they were thru the Roof this season. it was nice to see everyone knowing each other better and hanging out as a group more

- elle’s painting

- nick turning back to kiss charlie at the door in front of everyone 🥺

- oh my god nick you giant rugby idiot

- tao freaking tf out about planning a date w elle

- TAO ASKING HER OUT FINALLY

- nick n charlie running thru paris to gabrielle aplin HOLDING HANDS. also felt like such a celebratory scene. i love those

- elle and tao admiring each other’s respective passions for different forms of art

- “it makes me want to draw” so simple so Beautiful and i know exactly what feeling she’s talking about

- their first kiss and them not knowing what to do and just giggling together…. GODDDDDDDD like are you kidding me. the cavetown song. elle lifting her leg…… FUCK

- the entire cast walking in slow motion down a corridor to carly rae jepsen’s “run away with me”. they did that

- charlie slamming the door in ben’s face

- tao kissing charlie just for shits and giggles

- “what were you gonna say?” “i… forgot” 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

- the teachers’ subplot . absolutely adorable

- all the “thank you, mr. farouk”s 😭 dads

- charlie in nick’s lap like are you KIDDING

- the queer to straight ratio is actually so fuckin hilarious. are there literally Any straight characters except tao and imogen? is imogen even straight? something was going on there

- darcy’s instagram post. so iconic

- tao seeing elle in her dress before prom. “you look… you’re so… hello!” PLEASAE

- taoelle paint scene GOD

- “you should invite him tonight! just tell him we need more chaperones”

- isaac realizing he’s aroace 😭 i’ve had that exact moment and i felt really seen <3

- “Like, being in a world where romance and sex are prized above everything else when you don't feel those forms of attraction. Growing up feeling that something about you is different, but you don't have the words to describe what that is. But then, freedom; the euphoria of freeing yourself from those pressures and expectations.” 🖤🤍💜 i cried.

- seven. nick and charlie kissing with seven by taylor swift in the background.

- their kiss in the doorway in the last scene oh my god. charlie on tiptoes

- and, as always, the way this show is an UNAPOLOGETIC CELEBRATION OF QUEERNESS. THANK YOU ALICE OSEMAN ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤

my heart has stopped :)

[one-strugling-bean]

OFMD Random Commentary (Final Thoughts)

Okay so. I finished OFMD in 3 days. Season 2 is right at the door and I'm super excited for it.

While I wait though, I thought "Why not make a huge ass essay about my thoughts on the 1st Season?" And now here we are! And trust me I have tons to say. So without further ado, let's start:

Before anything else, I want to say, I had so much fun. This show was hilarious most of the time while still easily hitting me in the feels when it needed. By the end of the season, I wanted to adopt pretty much everyone and give them whatever they wanted. The romantic relationships weren't born out of thin air (although I think Jim and Olu could've been explored a little more) and the overall vibe of the show was so freaking inviting.

Stede and Ed were very captivating and their scenes together are always so evolving. Their actors convey strong emotions so freaking well. It's like I'm right there, in their heads, as the scenes play out, and I can tell what they're feeling perfectly just by looking at their expressions.

That being said, Ed was a bit harder for me to figure out than Stede. There were a lot of scenes, especially in the beggining, where I was at a loss as to his intentions. But it works in his favor (and the viewers') because Ed is a mysterious person for pretty much every character in the show. It's fun when everyone on screen is as clueless as us. It also contributes to the welcoming vibe of the show - it's like I'm there, just as clueless and scared as everyone else, trying to figure out what exactly makes Blackbeard tick.

And speaking of everyone else! My gosh, I loved the crewmates... I think I even said that at some point in an episode, but my favorite moments of the show were just the crew interacting with each other. Separated, each of them is nice and kinda funny, but together? They gave me the best laughs of the whole show.

It was the little things. Wee John, Roach, and Frenchie messing up a cross sign(?) for Nana, the flag-sewing arts-and-crafts, the rehearsal for the Fuckery, the Fuckery itself- just, everything.

As the episodes pass, and you grow to know the characters - recognize their faces, memorize their names, figure out the traits and places they take in the crew - they also grow to know each other. In the first episode they seem to be pretty distant from each other - acquaintances at best. But by the end you realize that that's changed - and you watched it happen. In every little scene, every funny comment or near-death experience - almost imperceptible on a first watch I think. Most of the time they just seem to be fighting each other. But those bonds do happen, and not just between the romantic pairs but everyone. Even with you, the viewer.

I think that's what makes the last "we talk it through-" "as a crew!" scene, followed by (or before) Lucius reading Stede's journal out loud, so powerful. I don't think I mentioned it in my post of the episode, but it gave me chills. You get this feeling of "we came so far" that just completely warms your heart. And you can see, in each one of their faces that they're all feeling the same thing. They came full circle from the first episode - they're not just a rag-tag group of useless people anymore. They're growing closer to becoming a family, a real crew. And it's fucking amazing.

TL;DR - they figured out the Found Family trope really well. And Found Family is my kind of thing soooo.

But oh well. Nothing can be good forever - especially if that thing is a happy ending in a queer show, so the rest of episode 9 and episode 10 happen. And the feeling of betrayal starts.

From a Gentlebeard/Blackbonnet perspective, the way I see it, Ed calling out the Act of Grace for Stede is the ultimate sacrifice from Ed for Stede. In contrast, Stede abandoning Ed at the dock is the ultimate sacrifice of Ed from Stede. See the difference? What I'm trying to say? I sure hope so, because I'm not sure I do. It just seems right when I say it.

Then Ed goes to the ship and everything goes off the deep end - ft. Izzy Hands being his usual creepy self.

Izzy.... creeped me out honestly. The whole time, not just at the end. From my peak on the OFMD fandom, he seems to be a pretty loved character, but I honestly dislike him a lot. I dunno. He was creepy and awful and did many horrible things for not-that-worthy reasons and I just overall didn't vibe with him. So I guess having him be the one to break Ed felt like a big, personal slap to the face. I dunno. Just wanted to call him every name in the book, you know?

(I also decided to take personally the fact that his name is a very common nickname of my name. I'll never accept to be called Izzy again. The PTSD and rage would be too much.)

Then, of course, we have Lucius's "death". Honestly? I don't think he's dead. He is too iconic to die in the first season. There's no way the writers didn't know Lucius was gonna be a fan favorite. The cliffhanger around his death was 100% planned as a special, last-minute, sadistic gift for the fandom. It will also probably affect something in S2.

That being said, I will only feel rested when I see him alive and well, nestled in Black Pete's arms. I gasped so loud when Ed threw him out of the ship you have no idea. I was so worried. Still am. That's how important his character has become to me. To most people, probably.

(I do think I saw a bit of Lucius's face in a random shot of the S2 trailer. His alleged self is pulling at someone's legs with Frenchie. But do not tell me if I'm right. I've been trying to stay away from trailer dissections.)

Frenchie and Jim also worry me greatly, but they seem to be doing good in the S2 trailer, so that helps. (Not Frenchie conquering his fear of cats by becoming one).

As for everyone else..... God, I was so horrified about their situation until that last scene. Stede coming in the dinghy might as well have been the sighting of an angel (I like to call this feeling the Sanji-backstory-PTSD). I've come to care so much about these characters, how was this show capable of tricking me like this??

Honestly, after all is said and watched, I'm unsure if I'm glad I waited so long to watch it. Because on the one hand, I won't have to wait months and suffer from the cliffhanger like most of you guys did (I feel for you all). On the other, I'm afraid I might've missed a few years of glorious fandom history and events.

I dunno, it's complicated.

(Send me links to all the best fanfics you can find - as long as they're in English and have at least 2000 words I'll take them).

But yeahhhhhhhhhhh, think this might be it for now. I don't know if I'll repeat the Commentary for S2- would you like that? If I get enough responses, Ig I will ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But in any case, for now, I close. Hope you had as much reading my reactions as I did watching this show.

Have a nice day! ^^

[turkleader]

[ooc] I found this dialogue from Heidegger fascinating, largely because throughout the entire free Midgar DLC, he’s been picking this fight with Hojo specifically, as though the Professor gets under his skin.

Hojo, being Hojo, wouldn’t give more than a cursory piece of attention to Heidegger, and I doubt the man is ever on his mind for any reason other than the necessity of interaction or possible, fleeting usefulness.

But, it’s a fascinating thing to note the “long-haired” comment. It stood out to me at first, because why mention Hojo’s hair length of all things when there are countless other “low hanging fruits” that a machismo military man could have picked on? Heidegger could have brought up Hojo’s heritage (as he’s been headcanoned as Wutaian for years), his intellect (second rate to Gast, stole Lucrecia’s research for himself, etc.), his personality or way of carrying himself (could’ve mentioned him being a “creep” or “unsettling”, etc.), and if addressing his appearance, he could have brought up his small frame, his perpetual scowl and the way his eyes take in everything you didn’t like people to know, his wrinkles or how he appears disheveled because appearance is secondary to his studies and work. But we went for, specifically, long hair?

Oh, but wait. Because it comes full circle in a very interesting way. Because look at what Heidegger has to say about Sephiroth.

There’s a surprising affection mixed with Heidegger’s admiration of Sephiroth. He says, “I could tell he was going to be special the moment I first saw him.” And in the following messages, he speaks with a moving elegance that we don’t often see him express, mentioning how Sephiroth slashed mechs in half “with ease” and how it wasn’t just his strength that “endeared him” to people.

If you’re beginning to see the signs, then “he had quite the face as well” really swings us into queer leanings. Small wonder the world was in love with Sephiroth though, born of Jenova’s shapeshifting and deceptive prowess and cultured under the guidance of the best equipped scientists on all of Gaia. But to see that Sephiroth had sway over even a man like Heidegger, to the extent that he still talks with such open compliments about him five years after his disappearance, shows that Sephiroth left a lasting impact on Heidegger’s thoughts. He must have seen him often enough, considering his executive role would have put him in contact with Sephiroth during the efforts of the Wutai War. I think anyone who would have been physically around the offspring of Jenova wouldn’t have been able to resist that innate allure to at least some minor extent. Heidegger, with his lust for power, would have been exactly the right kind to fall in awe of Sephiroth’s casual feats of strength.

You can feel how Sephiroth’s disappearance still bothers him. When talking about it, we get one of the rare instances where Heidegger mentions public opinion. “After Sephiroth went missing five years ago, we - and the entirety of Midgar - felt his loss.” One of Heidegger’s defining characteristics is his absolute disdain for the concerns of others, let alone the public. He placates the will of his employer and gets away with his boisterous arrogance because President Shinra tolerates and even enjoys, on occasion, his displays of machismo. But he doesn’t answer to anyone else, and therefore, he doesn’t consider their opinions. He has no need or desire to do so, and his seat of comfort at the right hand of Shinra means he doesn’t have to care what the public thinks. President Shinra does that for him.

But here, we see him confessing his attachment when he uses “we” and then we see him swiftly excavate himself from the confession by bringing in the one thing he doesn’t care about: public opinion-- “and the entirety of Midgar - felt his loss.”

Using this shielding technique, he continues, “He fought admirably in the war against Wutai, and the people absolutely adored him - even more than they do our mascot Stamp!” Whereas “admirably” is acceptable, he’s flying too close to the truth he doesn’t want to address when he uses “absolutely adored him”, so we get another instance where he cuts off into another side note that’s got nothing to do with what he’s talking about, public opinion about Stamp, the canine mascot for the Shinra armed forces. But if you haven’t played FF7R, then you wouldn’t even know Stamp was a dog, because Heidegger never explains it. It’s a throwaway comment, added to the end of a sentence that maybe runs too near to thoughts he never speaks aloud, unless he’s talking to a lonely powerwasher who isn’t going to have anyone of import to tell this to, and who doesn’t know Heidegger well enough to piece two and two together.

And then what does he end with? A hollow bluff, severing his connection to his feelings about Sephiroth with his comfortably arrogant persona: "Although, once they see the military marvel that is the airbuster, they'll forget Sephiroth even existed! Hahaha!”

Feelings for Sephiroth aside, along with the potentially dangerous implications this reveals and that we could at some point get into about how much possible sexual abuse/harassment Sephiroth had to go through, growing up under Shinra’s unblinking eyes and invasive influence, let’s pull it all back--full circle.

Because, what does Heidegger say right smack in the middle of all his praise of Sephiroth? Right before he starts confessing more potential attraction for the former First Class SOLDIER and then cutting himself off over and over again?

“Though, in my opinion, a hero shouldn't grow his hair quite so long.”

Where have we heard this before? *Raises an eyebrow*

“I find it hilarious that long-haired lunatic [Hojo] doesn't think his 'precious creations' are next. Hahaha!”

Well. This wasn’t what I thought I was going to discover while playing this free DLC, but~ It certainly lends credence to Heidegger’s ostentatious arrogance--coupled with his military machismo--being a deflecting tactic to hide possible self-hatred for any homosexual thoughts about Sephiroth and Hojo. And if there’s the potential for it there, then it makes me wonder what else we might garner from other dialogues Heidegger’s involved in. I can’t remember anything right off the bat from FFVII or FF7R, but if I find anything else, I’ll be certain to share. Just thought this was quite the interesting little tidbit, and a complexity to Heidegger’s personality that I find very intriguing.

[thediktatortot]

Steddilly / Harringroveson Deep Dive About Accessories & Interpersonal Relationships.

with @asininepigeon & me :)

Billy is selective about his accessories. He probably has a small bowl of carefully curated pieces.

Some from his mom's things she hadn't had time to take with her, something he's snatched while in the rich stores of Hawkins while hanging out with Tommy and Carol, a piece he was given by a really cool queer dude in San Diego and maybe something Max made him when they were really little.

It never gets worn but it has a safe home in the bowl in his bedroom.

Eddie definitely has a bunch of rings and necklaces that he's like stolen, thrift-ed, and were gifted by like Wayne, Hellfire, and the small group of rockers in Hawkins.

They all kind of lay in a jumble and he takes like 20 minutes figuring out which ones he wants to wear. And while I feel like Billy's a bit more minimalist with his jewelry, Eddie loves statement pieces.

Things that scream hey, I'm that dude u call a freak and I fucked your dude for payment of weed 😜

Billy sometimes find's it chaotic, Steve finds it amusing. Steve will occasionally steal some of Eddie's jewelry if their going out somewhere that fits more of Eddie & Billy's vibes. He doesn't touch Billy's jewelry though b/c the two of them know how particular Billy is with what he wears on his body & the last thing they want is to loose something of his lol

Billy does not wear Eddie's jewelry. It's 'clunky & gaudy'

I think Steve doesn't do accessories b/c of the kind of home he grew up in. Accessories for Men™️ are Cuff-Links, Ties, Leather dress shoes, Pocket watches & briefcases.

Steve hates all of that. With a passion.

He got his first pair of sunglasses from his dad at like 13-14 and he felt like they made him feel so cool and mysterious. He doesn't need people to see him and see his flashy things. He just wants them to see that cool, outer layer he's put over himself.

Steve hating dressing up for formal events, b/c he despises wearing suits.

He prefers his soft sweaters, jeans, and sneakers.

Eddie also hating it but for the reason of it represents The Man and fuck The Man. Like he can dress up nice, but he'd never wear a full suit.

I think Billy would dislike certain kind of suits b/c of (ew) Neil but he loves attention and showing off and looking handsome (pretty) so he'd put so much time and effort into wearing formal clothes.

Agreed. Billy would probably like the energy a suit commands if it's the right one and fits him nicely. But it'd have to be perfect.

Exactly, for billy a suit would have to be the right shade of a certain color and the right texture

Like when Steve shops for clothes, it's quality but it's soft things, it's informal wear.

Billy takes like 3 hrs shopping b/c every outfit has to mean something. There's care and precision in what he chooses to wear for a certain day. And then Eddie occasionally saves up and buy things that he really wants, like his jacket, that are really good quality, but everything else is thrifted.

Steve only wearing informal wear is part rebellion, part 'safety' because he's found happiness in the less formal, in the comfortable.

He's used to cold and formal and fake everything and he hates it.

Eddie picks his most prized pieces because he wants what he wears to say something about himself. Everything he wears tells people "THIS IS ME" and so he works hard to express himself through his clothes. And Billy wants the same thing, but in such a different way that it feels more like drawing eyes quietly where Eddie wants to draw eyes loudly.

Billy has to do it quietly too, b/c his clothes are already a rebellion and him expressing himself as much as he can against Neil.

Especially considering that one of Neil's things is presenting their family as typical middle class white suburbia, even if they aren't that. Eddie, while not in the best socio-economic status, still has the safety and freedom to be loudly himself.

Billy does his rebellion quietly, expresses himself quietly because everything else in his life is loud and aggressive & if he rebels too Loudly™️ Neil will put a stop too it.

Even when Neil is gone eventually, Billy still expresses himself quietly. I think at that point it would be him asking "Are you interested in me enough to see what I'm whispering about me" sort of thing.

He wants people to come to him, get his attention, not the other way around.If they want him enough, or want to be his friends enough, they'll read between his lines.

He's very much used to people not caring or ignoring what's blatantly there so I think he'd care so much for anyone looking below the surface. He's such a sensitive lad at the end of the day. And I think Steve and Eddie would probably notice at completely separate occasions.

They would. By different things.

Steve would notice it by watching him from afar, seeing the little expressions he makes when someone says something to him, or he's interacting with the kids or the other teens, by how he closes up around the adults for a long time.

He sees the longing stares of want when Will hugs Joyce, or Hopper reassures El that she's not in trouble or doing well. He sees the light in his eyes when someone brings up a topic he's passionate about or how he laughs quietly when he's actually amused.

I think Eddie would see it in the way Billy opens up more, how he talks more, or offers more physical touch. How he sticks around in a room for longer periods of times and can withstand people's presence more and more.

Billy craves Togetherness and he's slowly allowing himself to get it.

Eddie notices that and adjusts his own touch accordingly to how open Billy is as time goes on.

Eddie is more aware of himself and how he effects others, so he would be good at keeping psychical boundaries with Billy. I think it would be harder for Steve to do the same, as he always wants to fix things. Steve and Billy can but heads more often for it.

Yeah, I can see that. Eddie is a performer and extra as fuck and can also lead.

I think Eddie knows what to look for on someone to tell whether they're uncomfortable or not, b/c then he uses that to his advantage in making people he dislikes uncomfortable.

Like he knows how to play an audience and I think he'd be able to recognize the performance in a lot of the posturing that Billy does. Like in my mind, Billy when he's not being unhinged b/c he's like elated or enraged, is so fucking mellow.

Half-lidded eyes, soft laughs, small smiles, just generally a lot more quieter, but softer in how he treats everything and everyone.

Steve wants to fix everything b/c he can't seem to fix things at home b/c no one is ever there.

There's no communication and I think Steve probably tries to correct that himself, but stating how he feels and what he wants (unless it's something deeply deeply worrying and then he keeps it to himself. More to protect others than help himself). He also wants to help to feel useful and that can cloud his judgment, in him thinking he's making the right decision for someone when that's not necessarily the case.

And something like that would really get on Billy's nerves I feel

Steve has boundary issues because it was never an issue before with people outside of his home.

He had social boundaries, status boundaries, but he was someone who could do what he wanted in the world of his Peers because he was King Steve. Popular rich boy of the school.It's old remnants of his times before everything went down, the remnants of superiority he feels without realizing it.

It's not necessarily superiority now, but it's effected his ability to recognize when he's pushing a boundary at the detriment of everyone.

Like yes a lot has happened and yes, Steve has had a perspective shift, but he was still king Steve and his parents are still notoriously absent from his life.

He definitely does it without realizing it and I feel like Eddie but definitely Dustin and Robin (and Erica b/c she's not afraid to call someone out on their shit) would tell him whereas Billy would just bite back and tell him to fuck off, why does he even care.

Which is why I feel like Eddie and Billy would be close friends first before Steve and Billy got there.

Agreed. Steve has a little more working on himself to go through before he and Billy can truly connect. Their traumas make them a little bad for each other at first, but once they've both had time to work on their shortcomings and reactions to things, learning how they act affects others and how to better read people, they start to connect.

Like I think Eddie has his own stuff to work through, but he's much farther along I think than they are. (Not taking in crazy Upside Down shenanigans b/c that's a whole other story).

So he can recognize a lot of things b/c unlike them he has a good adult figure that's supportive and caring and works alongside with him. It takes them a little bit longer b/c they kind of have to start on their own which is sad.

It does help that Eddie had Wayne.

I feel like Wayne would be a good influence on Billy especially once Billy gets closer to Eddie. He'd get to have, in a round about way, a healthy male figure in his life. I'm sure it confuses him sometimes, gets worried about saying the wrong things to Wayne, but after a while of seeing how Wayne treats Eddie, he'd open up quickly to the older man.

God, Wayne looking at Billy and being like "thats my kid now." makes my heart ache.

Steve doesn't know how to open up to parental figures because his parent's never opened up to him to begin with. Billy had his mom before all this, Eddie has Wayne.

Steve's unsure around adults, doesn't understand the point in getting close to them because 'he can take care of himself'.

Oh, Steve. He makes me so sad sometimes.

Steve being hyper independent, but especially after the whole breakup thing with Nancy, makes me hurt for him. And yeah, he doesn't have any adults and I don't know what the fuck the teachers and guidance people in Hawkins High are doing, but like clearly not caring a bout their students b/c wtf.

So Steve would definitely pull into the fold much later, his need for Independence slows him down. He doesn't want to be alone, but he feels he needs to prove to everyone he can take care of himself.

He doesn't want to hide away things until he's in his shower, still trying to do better but he's only fixing the things that effect other people and not fixing the things that effect him.

He would have one last final 'big bad emotion' out of all of them. breaking down over something small because he feels like he's punishing himself for something and he knows it's stupid and he knows he should reach out and he just can't so he has this big meltdown before the acceptance comes.

I think a reoccurring argument between Steve and the other two would be them telling Steve to 'say what he means' and not try to dance around what he wants.

[thranduel]

we’ve had a heart-to-heart scene with karen and mike, joyce and will, jonathan and will but not nancy and mike…

i think the perfect thing would be a parallel to jonathan’s scene with will and how he told him he’ll always love him no matter what. it would be such a beautiful moment and it would be even more emotional because we don’t see scenes like that with nancy and mike. also, they’re both older and more mature now and they’ve experienced so many struggles so they’ll be able to understand each other more. back when they were young, they didn’t have anything in common and they just bickered all the time. it’ll also be nice to see something new and refreshing for once instead of the same old boring things. we’ll find out about mike’s struggles and his repressed feelings for will and why he has been acting a certain way for so long, and then nancy can be there to support him and tell him she loves him and that everything will be okay, just like jonathan did for will.

she can also remind him that they don’t have to live the same life as their parents. they don’t need to conform and get married and start a nuclear family like everyone else. it’s okay to be different and it’s okay to do things that people don’t expect. and obviously there’s nothing wrong with getting married and having kids if that’s what people truly want, but the sad truth is that so many people only do it because it’s expected of them and they feel automatically pressured into it, and then they don’t end up as happy as they could’ve been. that’s the big difference here. and that’s exactly what nancy and mike’s parents did, so obviously they don’t want to follow in their footsteps.

and the reason i love stranger things so much is because the target audience was always supposed to be people that are “different” or don’t fit into what society considers “the norm”. i mean, the show is literally called stranger things! and i think it’s great to see them calling out forced conformity and society’s expectations and having characters that just don’t fit in like everyone else. the quiet kids, the queer kids, the nerdy kids, the kids that have been outcasted and struggle to find a place where they belong. i love how it shows that it’s okay to be different and there’s always people out there that will love and accept you for who you are. will and robin have jonathan and steve who love and support them so much even if there’s people out there who don’t, el has a found family that took her in and cared for her after all the trauma she went through in the lab, eddie had hellfire club that loved him and admired him while the rest of society hated him and looked down on him, and many more things.

i just think it would be such a beautiful message and it would fit the theme of the show if we end up with a beautiful slowburn queer relationship between two of the main characters that have been best friends for most of their lives and understand each other better than anyone else. it would perfectly fit the queer slowburn childhood best friends to lovers trope AND the “it’s always been you” trope and i think that’s so incredibly beautiful. and no, i’m not saying “everything has to be gay” or “we can’t have straight couples” lol. that’s not the point. i just think that mike and will fit together better than anyone else and it would also make the most sense narratively, because it would explain mike’s behaviour and make him so much more loveable, realistic and people would actually understand him and what he’s been struggling with. also, will has been in love with mike from the very beginning and he has suffered every single season and has barely had a moment of happiness. he deserves to finally be with the boy he loves more than anything and i think mike deserves to be with the person he can be his true self around too. it would be one of the most beautiful and powerful endings to a show.

[picnokinesis]

Ahhhhh Yazs last chapter! I loved it and was surprised how easily the Doctor came out to her about being genderqueer and her pronouns, because I expected her to be a bit dodgy about the subject, maybe the conversation with Jack helped her a lot. I kinda hoped that she would tell Yaz about her former name, John, but baby steps LOL. AND RIVER YEEESSSSS. I didnt know that she visited her, I can imagine that River wasnt exactly happy to see her but it is cute that she gave her that mixtape awwww

Ahhh thank you so much, I'm so glad you enjoyed it!!

You know, it's quite funny with the Doctor, but honestly I think that there are so many other things on her mind at the moment, so many things that she is actively avoiding talking about, that talking about her gender and sexuality is relatively easy territory HAHA! But also I think it has a LOT to do with the context of the conversation. For a start, Yaz came out first, and in my personal experience (which a lot of that conversation was inspired by honestly haha) it is SIGNIFICANTLY easier to come out to someone who has also just come out to you, because it suddenly becomes less of a terrifying thing and much more a 'oh my days we're family' thing, which is really lovely. And you can be a lot more frank about it too, and more open about the complexity of the whole thing, because this is another queer person who will most likely get where you're coming from in a way that a cis straight person probably wouldn't so much.....so I think, for the Doctor, that has a lot to do with it. But I also think Yaz really went about it the right way too, which helped a lot - she didn't try and put any names on what the Doctor experienced, and just left it open for her to say what she wanted. And this helped the Doctor a lot, because she honestly doesn't know in some ways, and in others it's ended up being a bit complicated. But you'll see all of that in a lot more detail from the Doctor's side when you get her pov of that scene!

You are right, though, in that there are definitely times when the Doctor would have been more cagey about this sort of thing - and I think that would have been if she'd felt like she needed to give a clear cut answer, or felt like she was being pressured to explain it all more than she feels comfortable with. There is a lot that she doesn't say to Yaz. There is a lot that she doesn't say in general, actually, which is partly why her section is significantly longer than anyone else's haha (as well as the fact that she sleeps less than everyone else sksk)

About the name John, though - well, unfortunately, at this stage in the story, she will definitely not talk to ANYONE about that, and it's because it's all entangled in the past she can't really remember. It's a direct thread pulling back on everything between her and Koschei and she...isn't dealing well, let's say.

AND THIS IS GETTING LONG BUT YES RIVER!! Oh, River.....yeah, that meeting in 2018 was really complicated. I feel like it was significantly more difficult for River than for the Doctor, who just had no context for anything. But I really wanted them to meet like that, because it's meant to be a parallel between that moment in River's first episode in the show, where she looks at the Doctor and he just does not know her at all. The album that she recced though, in case it wasn't clear, wasn't in 2018, but way back when they were sort-of-dating - and as I said in the ask I just answered, it was because it resonated with her a lot and she thought it would resonate with the Doctor too. If you haven't listened to it, I do recommend it actually because it's a GORGEOUS album and very raw in places.

Sidenote - not sure if you saw the asks I replied to about campervan!River aaages back, but if not, they're here and here!

[fluxweeed]

10 first lines

share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics / wips

hi @teeteringpileofunusednotebooks and @nv-md! tysm for the tag + i’m sorry i’m so late!! mari – i’m ridic excited for your stupid number of WIPs – also i feel like you’ve started writing at least? two more? since you posted your version? i’m laughing, but with love. ali – your lines are all so perfect and make me miss ur writing so much! nv-md binge incoming!!! 

the last time i did this was exactly 10 published fics ago, so this is actually perfect timing! last time i also completely ignored the rules and talked in-depth about each line, and u kno what? tumblr is about the only place i feel comfortable being stupidly self-indulgent, so here we are again lmao 🙈

in reverse chronological order:

1. For Lack of Wanting (8.4k, E, unrequited drarry)

I was obsessed with him, you know.

(this line and also the entire first section is so tell-y but tbh i purposefully didn’t care. i just wanted to write some fucked-up unrequited roleplay sex, you know? sometimes you have to forget about writing good and just treat urself)

2. Still the pine-woods scent the moon (15.5k, E, remus/harry)

It seems like a reasonable idea, at first.

(so this fic actually started off as a sirius/harry after i went on a huge @lqtraintracks bender one weekend [and if u haven’t already, stop what ur doing and go inhale all 19 lqt sirius/harry fics immediately]. then i realised there was nothing i could really add to a sirius/harry fic that hadn’t been done already - but i came across this art and it lodged itself into my brain forever. it’s just the vibes, u know?? how soft remus looks but also the way he’s looking right at the camera?? that man is in CONTROL. so anyway then obv i needed to find a way to get him into grimmauld place so he could walk in on draco fucking harry in the arse. thus: first line.)

3. Ferrety Little Mouths and How to Snog with Them (5k, T/M, soft drarry kissing)

“And she lost her shit, can you believe it?”

(can’t rly take credit for this one; this whole section with draco talking about his ex is almost word-for-word a convo i had with a friend about their ex and their friend who was weird about it. not quite sure the phrase “she lost her shit” was used, but that was def the vibe.)

4. Two to Lie and One to Listen (85k, E, drarry fake relationship [sort of])

She’d got another letter from the Ministry that morning. It was from the Muggle Liaison Office this time. 

(god, this fic. in the very first draft, hermione was the legit villain: the sort of friend who is well-meaning and loudly supportive, but is lowkey bigoted and doesn’t think that queer relationships are as meaningful as straight ones. then before the first big rewrite i started thinking more about her motivations and had the idea of making her trans – both to give her a non-bigot reason for agreeing to help draco hide his sexuality and not tell harry about it [it’s all about the trauma, folks!!], but also as a nice little fuck-you to jkr. so then she needed more of her own storyline, bc it felt like a bit of a cop-out to be like “hey this character is trans i swear! anyway let’s mostly ignore her and have her get in the way of the main pairing” [which, honestly, is still sort of the vibe of the fic], so she got her big Let’s Change The World Campaign.

the first version of this prologue was from draco POV; the second version was hermione POV but she was sooo mean and angry; this one is the third attempt. i wanted to show her desperate attempts at making any kind of change, anywhere at all, so it’s a bit more plausible that when she runs into draco malfoy, she’s like “ok yeah sure let’s pretend to be boyfriendgirlfriend!” lol. also does it bother anyone else that there are three different tenses in this one line? everything about this fic makes me sick lmfao)

5. Per my last letter (I hope you choke on it) (10k, T, epistolary author!harry/publishing-grunt!draco)

CURRICULUM VITAE: Draco L. Malfoy

(can’t remember whose idea it was to start with a cv? it seems like the sort of lazy backstory shortcut i would do, lmao, unless it was actually @lastontheboat​’s idea, in which case it was a genius move to introduce draco’s work struggle and set the tone for his journey thru the rest of the fic)

6. An Auror Error (1k, T, stupid drarry auror fic written in tongue-twisters)

Harry shivered under Malfoy’s stern glare.

(1. wanted it to be left a bit ambiguous what harry’s actually feeling here [reality: he’s shivering bc he thinks draco is sexy when he glares, but also he could be scared bc he’s being interrogated?] 2. playing around a little bit with the s/sh sounds. easing into the nonsense to come.)

7. Eight o’clock, tomorrow evening (11.5k, E, drarry legilimency sex)

It was seven fifty-five, and Draco’s stomach churned.

(listen, i thought i was doing something with the title being a line from the end of The Four Doors, which this fic is a lil sequel to. this first line was (a) tying that together even more and also (b) establishing the POV switch from harry POV in 4D)

8. The Taste of Țuică (15k, E, ron/harry/draco)

Mum always says my problem is that I care too much. I think that’s nonsense, honestly—one of those meaningless things mums say to make you feel better about overreacting to stupid shit. But I can’t deny that I care about my friends. I mean, really care about them. You know?

(i’m including the whole first line here instead of just the sentence bc i was trying to do sooo much here, lmao. first, i wanted to really ground this fic in ron POV, and the weasleys are so very Family [u know??], so i wanted to get that in asap. i also wanted to get in ron’s maybe-demisexuality in there – i love love LOVE getting characters to explicitly state something about themselves while also simultaneously not realising it at all [seriously i do this all the time, promptly forget about this if ever u plan to read one of my fics bc it will be all u can see now haha] and this absolutely an example of that. poor old ron is going “hey i love my friends soooo much, i love hermione, and also i love harry, i just love them both SO MUCH. wait why tf did i kiss harry that one time???” what a chump.)

9. Belatedly Consummated (4k, E, drarry post-arranged marriage fuck)

The problem is: Harry can’t stop touching Draco.

(idk man i just really liked the thought of these two idiots having to cohabit and try to remain platonic while they get a magical boner every time they touch each other ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ this one also gave me a chance to do another thing i rly like to do, which is take the first line and make it the last line, except the last line is somehow Resolved. last lines are fuckin HARD, i use this trick all the time, pls also forget this one before reading any of my fics, ty)

10. Show them the night that they dreamed about before (6.5k, E, percy/harry/draco)

Draco’s first thought is, Huh, Potter’s here again.

His second thought is, What is he doing, bent over the desk like that?

His third thought is, Oh. Weasley is fucking him.

(i think this was the first thing i wrote for this fic and i lowkey still love it. i think it’s maybe a bit confusing? clunky? i feel like one of my beta’s didn’t like it? but it makes me laugh and also i enjoy the mental image of percy going to town on harry and draco standing there experiencing a whole-ass face journey while otherwise completely motionless, so.)

BONUS WIPS:

1. 10k/15kish written, E, silly drarry vagina fic

As soon as Harry wakes up, he knows that Something is Not Right.

(i feel like this might stay the same in the final version? this wip is about 5 years old lmao but i’ve been playing with this beginning section a bit recently. have made it 100% sillier and imo it’s improved it so much. still not sure i’ll ever finish it.)

2. 27k/50kish written, M, drarry polyjuice clubfic

In general, Harry is grateful for Hermione’s efforts to keep him alive.

(i strongly suspect i’m going to rewrite this entire first scene once i actually finish the fic and realise there are secret themes that currently elude me. atm it works as a way of getting them to where they need to be [on a brisk morning walk!] and also as a joke later on in the fic, but there’s nothing else really going on with it.)

-

god i’m so sorry for hijacking a simple tag game to talk about myself at such obnoxious length ;_; hope it encourages more writers to talk about their processes tho, i need more fic writing meta content now galla’s bonus podfic episodes are offline. tag me if u do this / come across this pls!!! love u ❤️

[moderndaymelodrama]

my 13th doctor era tribute ✨

as yaz says in revolution, “it’s ok to be sad” and i am, awfully awfully sad, but there are so many things that this era has given me, and that i’m truly grateful for

before the 13th doctor, i was a little girl growing up in the north of england, who watched a show that was always branded as vaguely boyish and had loved it for as long as she could remember. this era gave me the first female doctor, a wonderful northern woman as the biggest hero in one of my favourite shows. jodie whittaker, you have been a triumph. it gave me yasmin khan, a companion who taught me that what i’m feeling is ok and that no bad moment ever lasts forever. i’ve taken to adopting a little bit of her into my character whenever i need to feel brave. mandip gill, i’ll never be able to thank you enough. it gave me a beautiful queer love story between it’s two leads exactly when i needed it most, one that has been treated as so important but also so natural by the writers and actors alike. the two main characters on my favourite show are just like me and that’s perfectly ok

this era gave me stories about mental health, grief, love, loss, and everything in between, all while taking me on adventures i’ll never forget. it gave me peace and stability during the most difficult times, and a sense of home no matter where i was. it has been an anchor during some of the most crucial years of my life. but above all else, this era gave me joy. joy for being included, for being seen, for being important.

i was 13 when the 13th doctor was announced, and i’m 19 now, i’ve grown from a school child to a uni student learning to navigate the world on my own. the doctor said pretty early on in series 11 “you won’t come back the same people that left here” and she was right. i’m just glad this era was part of that journey 💙