#not tagging the con in case. they find this haha

[heliojip]

i recorded the broadcast of the reani panel at horrorhound come get yall juiiiice!!! (might get copyright sniped for this but fuck it)

[unluckiestmember]

Hi! I would like to make a request. Jinx, Vi, Caitlyn, Silco, Viktor and Jayce x Female!Paranormal Researcher!Reader. Reader explores something that defies any logical explanation. Simply put, she goes to different places to find at least some otherworldly activity, to fix the presence of a ghost, etc. Thank you very much!

Coming right up!

Arcane X Female Paranormal Researcher! Reader

Characters: Jinx, Vi, Caitlyn, Viktor, Silco, Sevika, Licker and Jayce.

Tags: Supportive girlfriend, supportive boyfriend, protective girlfriend, protective boyfriend, worrywart, ghost hunting, Jinx being Jinx, soft lovers and fluff.

Warning: None. SFW.

A/N: Sorry I've been gone for so long but like my mom said, can't cry over spilled milk. I plan to get some requests done over the week so let's start strong!

Jinx

“Alrighty, toots! Ready for our next spot? I got the bombs, my guns, flashlight-. Okay, they can phase through all that, but you can never be too careless right?! Let’s go catch some ghosts!”

When you told Jinx that you were a Paranormal Researcher, she was honestly thrilled. When it came to the supernatural, she found herself intrigued by the possibility of the undead and unusual activities that could happen in Zaun, let alone Runeterra. So it came as no surprise that she decided to make herself your right hand partner in uncovering paranormal activity.

For the most part, she’s a valuable asset on the field with her equipment and off the field in the form of research. This Loose Cannon has no issue walking into the darkest depths if it meant you could uncover otherworldly phenomena. Just keep an eye out for her always trying to capture something or someone and claim it to be supernatural. She’s so sure she has a collection of ghosts in her hideout after a few stakeouts with you, but you’re positive she’s only caught one.

Violet “Vi”

“Hey, babe. Going out hunting again for ‘the unknown’? Haha, no no, I’m not trying to make fun of you. Need company?”

So Vi is not as believing in the supernatural of Runeterra. But that doesn’t mean she believes in some phenomena. When you told her about your occupation, she found it interesting to say the least. At first, she kind of made sure her job and your job never mixed. But after you would come back home all dirty or even injured, this brute decided to make it her secondary job to explore supernatural areas with you.

With time, she saw it more as a hobby and even became interested in a few cases you two picked up. When she’s not playing enforcer or relaxing with you at home, she’ll be quick to come with you to find ghosts or paranormal activities. Unlike you, she’s not going to lose sleep over it or go over the top in regards to researching how to soothe ghosts, but if you need help, she’s right beside you. The only big con is that she will be quick to cancel an expedition if it meant you would be extremely hurt physically or mentally.

Caitlyn Kiramman

“Why do you have your journal and your backpack?... Oh. Another hunt?... Okay. What are we trying to do now?”

When it comes to the paranormal, Caitlyn can be a half full kind of person one day, and half empty the next. She’s never been that interested in the supernatural, even as a kid, but after the kind of missions she’s gone on during her years as a beginning enforcer, she started to believe a little. She finds your research to be kind of cute, since your drive reminds her of her own when doing investigations.

Don’t expect Caitlyn to join you on the field often though. Because of her busy job and the lack of energy she has some days, the most she can do for you is paperwork and research on your targets. Every blue moon she will join you on the field to help find ghosts and supernatural beings. Though don’t count on it. Unless you’re out super late or missing for a day, she’s solely your bookkeeper and secretary.

Silco

“Off to find something out of the ordinary? Alright then, don’t go without Sevika or Licker.”

So Silco does not believe in supernatural and paranormal events. He’s a straight cut man that only believes in technology and science. You told him you were a paranormal researcher and I kid you not, he laughed at first. No matter how much you tell him about your job, he will only see it as a mere hobby. That being said, that doesn’t change how deep down a worrywart he can be.

Whenever you say you’re going on a search, he will not let you go unless you are accompanied by one of his men. He’s fine with your ‘line of work’ as long as you are safe. Silco isn’t going to help you, but if you guys have a small talk about something you discovered, he’s all ears. Besides, there could be something to all the weird things that happen in Zaun. And if Jinx believes it, there could be some groundwork to all this paranormal stuff happening. But it will take a VERY LONG time to convince him.

Viktor

“Love! Wait! Before you go, I want you to have this. It’s to help lure some ghosts in your direction if any are in the area. It’s still in the prototype stages, but it should be helpful enough.”

Surprisingly, Viktor believes in the supernatural! Even if he is a scientist and focuses most of his time on researching ways to improve technologically, it doesn’t mean he thinks everything is solely logical. How would that explain alchemists or things suddenly disappearing one day? How would it even explain some material and beings around Runeterra that shouldn’t exist based on logic?

He immediately became your partner in crime when you told him you were a paranormal researcher. Similar to Caitlyn, he doesn’t go out on the field as often when you go searching, but he will create contraptions that can assist you on your travels. To add, he is also a cheerleader, pushing you on to find ghosts and continue to do the thing that you love. As long as you come home smiling and okay, he has your back one hundred percent.

Jayce Talis

“Going out again? I’m about to head out too- I’ll see you when I get back, okay? Be careful out there.”

Jayce is a scaredy cat. Man will talk a lot about progress and being strong willed but as soon as he sees something moving at night that shouldn’t move, he’s screaming bloody murder. He likes to proclaim he doesn’t believe in ghosts for a man who believes in magic. Runes and crystals that produce electricity? Yeah, that makes sense. Spirits of the dead? Nope, that’s going too far.

Luckily, he doesn’t ridicule you for being a paranormal researcher and even asks you questions about your findings, but don’t expect him to extend a helping hand that much. He’s more concerned about the progress of Piltover to go ghost hunting with you. But it could be for the best. With how many times you have seen him nearly jump out of his skin while watching horror movies, you can only imagine how he would be on an expedition with you. He supports you, and that’s what really matters in the end.

Arcane Requests are open!

Likes and retweets are always appreciated! I love you all, stay hydrated and have a good day! <3

[wetcatspellcaster]

for the dvd meme, chapter 7 of pieces still stuck in your teeth, from where astarion says "i knew it" to "you returned to me. i knew you would." i've read that chapter like five times it's SO delightful, SUCH a fun narrative payoff too HAHA

Thank you for the ask, anon! I will copy and paste the text you're referring to under the keep reading tab, just so this doesn't end up being too long/I don't expose my IRL mutuals to the horniest part of my fic lol :')

So, here we are, at the horniest part of my fic :-)

In more serious commentary, this was one of the scenes I had from the very inception of this story - I knew that Astarion was going to have killed people to get Tav back to the Gate, and I knew he was going to reveal it at literally The Worst Possible moment. I really wanted to write a chapter that turned from horny to horror without warning, and this is the speech that I envisaged doing that work for me. As such, it went through many, many drafts!

I know I said this in comments at the time, but... when examining this chapter from Astarion's perspective? Why *wouldn't* he be this fucking cocky? He has no idea what's going on in Rose's mind or why she's agreed to go to his house so easily, and why she's gotten so close to him with complete disregard of the wider situation. So as far as he's concerned, he murdered a bunch of people (which was the only risk in his plan, he thinks) and she's still down to fuck only days later. Honestly, he doesn't even *need* the ego he has, to think this is a done deal.

I also said this a lot in comments, but as such, any respect he held out for her is just gone in this moment, and that's why he immediately plays his whole hand, because he doesn't see her as a worthy opponent in the slightest. I was leaning on what developers/writers said about how he loses respect for people who fall for the superficial sex appeal and endanger themselves because of it- if this is the means by which he can do them harm, then he feels they've sealed their own fate. In his eyes, this is exactly what Rose looks like in this moment (not knowing anything about her own hidden agenda).

I also think that, if you've romanticised the one thing you've lost and can never get back, and then suddenly it's there, and it's almost... too easy, then that also makes you disappointed and angry. Maybe part of the reason he says all this heinous stuff here to try and test the waters further, maybe even anger her so there's some spark of a challenge or a fight. Maybe he wanted to make everything a little more difficult for the both of them, just so it stays fun and interesting.

As I said in previous asks, I am not really a Dead Dove writer - I appreciate the girlies who are, but it's just not something I can do (I mean, I can't even write smut lmfao). So I wanted the violation and emotional impact of non-con without any of the graphic depictions of it... lots of people have said in comments that the moment he refuses to let her go is the moment he proves he's evil, and I certainly approve of this interpretation. But here, I was mostly just in thrall to the Yandere tag lmao. He can't imagine her protests being true bc he can't imagine a world where they aren't destined for each other. And also, in this case, a world where his seduction techniques (now so well honed, now nearly unstoppable, now the only thing people seem to want from him) do not work - especially on her.

As to some specifics about the section itself:

the phrase 'little love' is, I feel, single handedly responsible for any and all Ascended ending brainrot I have. Like COME ON. What a term of endearment! What a term of endearment to MAKE EVIL!!!!

'I was bored' got workshopped a lot as the 'foreshadowing' phrase, bc I really struggled to find something that was both vague but also had ambiguous meaning from the beginning. If the delivery is a little clunky here, that's why... I agonised over this for weeks lmao

'Every meal without savour' - cue Chapter Ten, when he gets really excited that Rosalie wants to drink hot chocolate with him, and briefly loses any composure bc the future he envisages is finally getting tested out.

"how you much used to hate slavers.” This is me still making digs at Grymforge, 4 months later. Fucking Grymforge.

"You yourself would've carved through that room like a righteous blade, my love." Look. I wrote this line. And I decided. It would work on me.

DVD commentary ask

"I knew it,” he repeated.

“I knew it was only a matter of distance," he muttered into her shoulder, almost to himself. He kissed the spot: she jumped at the touch, and he hummed approvingly. "I knew that the moment I got you here, darling heart, that this would be inevitable. A matter of days, Rosalie. That is all the time you could hold out on me, the longest you could bear to resist. You don’t want me to charm you? Fine. I don’t need glamour, to make you like this. Let us both know that this was all you, and only ever for me.”

She tensed up, and he soothed again, making a chiding sound. “Hush, now, don’t be prideful. Why fight this, little love? Why deny yourself? You're not very good at it. Isn’t it so much better, this way? Doesn’t it feel good?"

"I - what?" Rosalie said, fighting to clear her head as fear and desire warred within her thoughts.

Had he not caught her? Because if so, she had done what was needed. But now she was trapped - and each word that came out of Astarion's mouth was more sinuous and sinister than the last, coiling decadently around her.

"So bored,” Astarion murmured in a low voice, nosing along her collarbone, breathing her in. “Every day the same, every day interminable. Every meal without savour, every conversation dull, and I knew you were what's missing. I knew it. I knew all I had to do was lure you back to me. And you do so love to play hard to get, but it wasn’t exactly difficult, was it, my love-?”

Rosalie struggled to make sense of what he was saying. It wasn’t precisely a threat, but it wasn’t bedroom talk either. What did he mean by ‘bored’?

No, actually, Shadowheart had said, when Rosalie had asked how the Vampire Ascendent had responded to the murders. He gave a three word reply: ‘I was bored.’

“No, in fact, it was easy,” Astarion smirked into her skin. “You put up a good front, my darling. But here you are: with me. Where you’re supposed to be. Where you will stay. You will make everything better. All I needed to do was to make you come back to me, and finally, here you are.”

Rosalie froze up. Her mind began to whir, almost as if she couldn’t dare let herself think, to follow the logic too far to its horrible, inevitable conclusion…

"The party," she said, heart pounding. “Those people who died-”

She tried to pull against his hold on her hands, moving her body back as far back from his as it would go. But it was like pulling on iron shackles, and Astarion didn't budge, simply leaning in further into her space, her legs trapped on either side of his body, and the evidence of his reaction to her utterly impossible to avoid.

"All terrible, heinous people, I assure you," Astarion told her conversationally, kissing his way along her shoulder without any concern for her sudden resistance. "No one who deserves to be mourned: all wretches and ingrates, murderers and thieves and flesh peddlers and slavers - I remember, pet, how you much used to hate slavers.”

Rose tugged at her hands, again - he ran his thumbs over her knuckles, and pinned them down harder.

“You yourself would've carved through that room like a righteous blade, my love. But I did it, all for you. I invited them all there, and they all came, like the cattle they are. And then I slaughtered them for their crimes, and now they’ve served their purpose, for here you are again, with me, once more."

Astarion's mouth was still moving all over her skin, which had begun to crawl. He reached behind her back and undid the clasp of her bra as he narrated. He whispered the words against her, like her body was made for his secrets, and then kissed the flesh, open mouthed.

"Astarion," Rose said, "you need to stop - I need to think - you said you didn't do it for any reason-"

His hands came up to her arms, and tightened to bruising, holding her in place even as his thumbs stroked circles designed to soothe.

"Of course there was a reason. You said that if I killed people, you'd come back and stop me," he said, moving back and pressing his forehead against hers, silvery lashes blurring with the closeness of her vision. His breath ghosted across her still-damp mouth as he smiled with utter tranquillity. “But you didn't try to stop me, did you? Cornered in Ramazith, and you simply let me walk away. And now, here you are. You just… came back. You returned to me. I knew you would."

[mengyao]

do I know about welcome to dark fuck princess island yet... if not I would like to.

HAHA... welcome to dark fuck princess island is the amalgamation of stuff pruned from two other beefleaf fics, one being my big unpublished postcanon sqx fic and the other being the most recent one i posted, which was supposed to have a postcanon section to it that i had to cut due to a deadline that was going to come before i could finish writing it...

i have plans to do a sensitive, emotionally realistic character study of postcanon shi qingxuan that charts a believable beefleaf reconciliation arc while prioritizing sqx's agency and self-worth. that's the big one. this is the wretched idfic runoff of that other fic, which is superior in every way but makes you wait quite a bit longer for them to fuck nasty

to be more specific... my postcanon sqx fic originally had a real deep vein of gothic romance going on that i eventually realized was chafing super hard at the main thrust of the story, which has a pretty different tone and vibe to it. (it's obviously still a little bit gothic romance because it's a romance fic about getting back together with the ghost who killed your brother so you know.) so i took the stuff that was the most, like, lesbian phantom of the opera out of there and combined it with stuff that i cut from my most recent fic (which in case you haven't read it, is about them hooking up lesbianly during the long con era in a way where he xuan is power tripping hard via some non-negotiated d/s and verbal humiliation stuff. lol,). that cut stuff was about beefleaf reuniting postcanon in a mildly dubcon lesbian harlequin romance manner and having really ill-advised sex shortly afterwards, which is like, surely going to have negative implications for both of their mental health and well-being. but sqx is also experiencing a lot of intense emotions over the fact that the sex they're having is unambiguously lesbian in nature and it's really emotionally confusing and guilt-inducing that even though she's legitimately pretty scared of this person a) they both clearly still desire each other carnally despite everything and b) whatever else sqx may be feeling, she realizes that hx still "gets" her gender more than anyone else has or possibly ever will... she feels seen... :(

it's some kind of situation where sqx gets sick or injured in some way in their day to day life, wakes up at nether water manor having been benevolently kidnapped, and then proceeds to be a gothic fantasy ya novel heroine wandering around the haunted mansion she's not technically "imprisoned" within but also has no way to leave... also after the first interaction or two they have, which are just supremely awkward because they're both in the same place they were when Alla That happened and also in the same forms they were then, hx is female form-ing it up... this is really genuinely just trashy erotic horror, so sqx is like unpacking the implications of their now retrospectively dubcon dalliances past while finding herself thrilled and terrified to discover that it doesn't make her want hx any less... i think sqx has also been having gory horrific erotic dreams about hx intermittently over the past however-long-it's-been. and she feels really fucked up and stupid and embarrassing for not being over it.

but this is not like slow burn or anything so they DO have sex again way more quickly than they ought to and the vibes are super rancid but like, in a sexy way, like peak [ao3 tag voice] Consensual But It Shouldn't Be. "on god you two should never see each other again for your own good but it's too late now so you might as well give in to your dark passions" shit. the most embarrassing aspect of all of this is that i think it ends with some kind of impulsive shotgun elopement which, in my head at least, is modeled after this one corvosider fic i read 10 years ago that nonetheless left a BIG impact on my psyche

so. that's. that. LOL

[foliejpg]

alright heres a shit ton

6, 7, 11, 20, 21, 24, 27, and 28

oh boy here we go i had to switch from mobile to desktop for this. thank you for sending so many i love answering these <3

6. Are there any fics from others you reread all the time?

oh for sure! i reread a lot of my friends fics so anything by @cryptophasiac @lakemichiganlolita @petefromarma @buildarocketboys assume i have read it multiple times. and also go read their fics asap<3 as far as individual fics, i'm sure there are specific ones that i cannot think of right now lmao chances are if its in my bookmarks, i've read it a few times

7. How many ideas for fics do you have right now?

flushed out ideas, not many lol my brain writes dialogue first, i'll hear someone say something and then write in my notes app so i can use it at a later time, but not actual ideas really

11. Do you have specific playlists for writing fics?

i don't actually haha i'm usually watching tv or a youtube video while i write honestly. when i listen to music i get distracted by it lmfao

20. What’s a favorite title for a fic you’ve written?

i really liked that all of the titles of my girlpete fics were from the same album "if i can't have love, i want power" by halsey (which is absolutely one of my All Time Absolute Favorite albums and can't recommend enough) but only 4/6 have titles w lyrics from that album. the other two are lyrics from "fall with me" by the wild reeds and "snake charmer" by blink 182 lmao

21. Have you ever deleted an entire scene after spending hours laboring over it? If so, why?

i've had full complete fics that have gotten chopped up and repurposed. what usually happens is there's something about the finished fic or scene that doesn't Scratch that Itch i want it too, so it'll get put on the back burner until i can take my favorite bits and pieces and use them somewhere else. as far as outright like, backspace delete a scene, no i don't think i ever have. i save every single draft of a fic just in case. sometimes i look through old drafts and end up finding something i like lol

24. Share a moodboard for (one of) your current WIP(s).

i don't make moodboards i do have a girl out boy pinterest though which is mostly just like.. clothes lol

27. Is there a fic you were nervous to post/share? Why?

every single one lol before i post any fic, there's always a moment of anxiety like its going to go over super poorly or whatever. i've been super lucky that people tell me how much they enjoy my fics and it really does mean to world to hear bc i'm my own biggest critic lol but specifically? "i'd do anything to make you feel" because it was kind of the darkest fic i've posted? and "if everything could ever feel this way forever" bc it does have the non-con tag and i had never posted anything so dub/non-con lol

28. Have you ever tagged a fic “Dead Dove: Do Not Eat”?

not that specific tag no but i did tag "i'd do anything to make you feel" as dead dove adjacent lol there was nothing inherently dead dove but the themes i understand could make ppl uncomfy so i added it for a heads up

[theangiediary]

omg Angie that was exactly what i meant and i loved it! I also adore Lebanon's favourite "are they?aren't they?" couple and imagining samdean co-parenting is such a delight. "If the baby looked like Sam, Dean would have like 12 disorders" got a laugh but it's so true i don't know how he'd handle it. It's similarly what makes me also like the idea of Dean having to deal with a deaged Sam just to see how gobsmacked he'd be. (Also those mommy recs? For a friend? 👀)

1. Oh good I’m glad it resonated! Truly, Dean would be against those baby chest carriers until the little guy was born, and then he’d not only constantly be wearing him strapped in, he’d also have one arm wrapped around at all times. Also that baby would not have a nursery, Dean would put the crib in their bedroom so he could be as close as possible, sit on the rocking chair at night just staring (Sam gets it, at least enough not to press the issue).

2. About A Boy with deaged Sammy: they’d have to end the show right there! Dean would run off into the night with itty Sammy, let some other hunter deal with the missing people. (/hj, I don’t actually remember what their relationship was like prior to that ep, all I know is it was VERY funny to me that they had a solution to the mark but Sam was like 🥺 “I am not baby?? no more Big Bro? Unacceptable.”  

3. Fic Recs

Haha, well! So many flavors... I’m throwing a huge mixed bag here, read what sounds interesting, skip what doesn’t.

Vice and Wish by thatsakitkat (incomplete, ABO A!Sam/O!Dean, 42k)

One of my all time favorites. It’s a little OOC, but Sam’s uh, canonical entitlement toward Dean/Dean’s body and resources is so so sexy. Cockblocking him, spending his money, joining him in Dean’s subconscious against Dean’s protests. Spn was allergic to having a consistent stance on souls, but if you largely view soulless!Sam as Sam without empathy, then.. Yeah. I think the Sam in this fic/universe is realistically ruthless in getting what he wants (a baby in Dean).

(Taste Every Fruit by the same author doesn’t have pregnancy, but is a lactation fic and uhh. Quite good.)

Nesting orphan_account (ABO A!John/O!Dean, 12k)

It’s been a minute since I read this, but I remember it being sweet, in a conservative fantasy way. Stanford era. Forced retirement. Small town. Also slightly OOC but like above, comes with the universe.

homebody by hellhoundsprey (ABO A!Jared/O!Jensen (background Jared/Ruth and Jensen/Tahmoh, 18k)

Listen, if you’re hesitant about rpf, this author writes it very much “vaguely inspired by the PR personsona of X”. People have been fantasizing about celebrities forever, heck, the SPN cast joke about rpf at cons. 

Anyway. Great fic. Darling sex kitten/tease and “Trying to be good” dynamic.

Share the Spoils Ch 2 by vintagedean (Fem!Dean/Sam, 2k)

Recently published, Deanna finding out if she’s pregnant and what she and Sam can do if that’s the case. Pushy teen Sam, distracted Deanna. "John's looming shadow" deserves its own character tag.

the need to choose by deadlybride (Hal!Dean/Sam, 3k)

Canon (post s7) divergence. The author has this halman universe which is similar to ABO but not quite; Dean’s something like an omega but not ✨feminine 👧🌷. Still, one of the things that the author does is realistic sex descriptions/pretty explicit naming of body parts: Dean has a clit, cervix, etc. Explores what having a baby would mean for them, in the context of SPN’s vessel plotlines. Sad, longing, open ended.

They Think I'm Possessed by deandatsgay (Dean/John, Dean/Sam 27k)

No pregnancy; Dean raised as Sam’s mom (thus inclusion in this list). Dark, dirty bad wrong porn. I love it.

[capuletangel]

Slow Like Honey

Word Count: 4645

Story Summary: Ben Solo falls into a deep obsession with the local new baker, and Ben always gets what he wants.

Tags: DEAD DOVE; Stalking, Obsession, Creepy Ben Solo, Non-Con, Bittersweet Fluff, Misogyny, Major Character Death, Dark Themes and Eventual Smut. AFAB.

Also Posted To AO3 | Wattpad

Masterlist

Chapter Four; Foul Hook

Ben's heart pounds against his chest, waiting for her at the fishing lake. He's been thinking about Friday, constantly. Creates fake scenarios in his head, every conceivable thing that could go wrong. Her falling into the lake, if he fell into the lake, catching no fish and embarrassing himself, any possible outcome—Ben had thought about it.

He had spent the last few days getting everything out of his system. Lust, rage, any pent up emotion he'd usually feel had been offloaded. Has it worked? He wasn't sure yet.

He had only spent two hours with her, and only at the bar on Friday. Before that, it was just glances from afar and Danish pastries.

He didn't quite know how he would hold up spending a day with her. How much he could handle before his head would begin to spin.

Of course, Ben wasn't an animal. Not some predator lurking in the shadows, but he has his moments. His weaknesses.

Ben is a nice guy. He is a nice guy. He reminds himself as he looks out across the lake, closing his eyes to focus on what mattered. Her. He couldn't get lost in his thoughts, couldn't change it. Not this time.

This is his chance to get what he wants. To show her how good he is.

He'd loaded his truck with two fishing rods, a tub of bloodworms—he wondered if he should take live bait or not, unsure of if it'd make her squeamish—a net, rain boots for her if it happened to rain and a scarf, he didn't bring her a jacket — wanted to offer her his own if it came to it. He wanted to look after her. Needed to.

Every part of his body reached to protect her and shelter her somehow.

Nervously standing beside his truck, tapping his foot to distract him from all of his theories—what if she stood him up? She isn't like that. She's caring. Blushes when he speaks to her, when he teases her. And, just in case something did happen, Ben gave her his phone number. The fishing spot is hard to find, but she insisted she'd be fine.

He scrolled through their conversation to occupy his time, smiling to himself as he hovered over her contact. He had her number. Her contact was saved on his phone, consensually. He didn't have to search for it online or break onto her computer to get it, she just gave it to him. Gave it to him like he was any other guy. A normal guy.

Ben is normal. Ben is better than normal. Ben is kind, understanding — gentle. He'd put a small flower next to her name. She reminded him of a flower. Delicate.

✿ - 12:43

hey, it's the girl from the bakery, it was nice to see you yesterday! (despite the circumstances) ʕ•⩊•ʔ

Ben - 12:47

Hi, it's Ben.

Obviously you knew that, sorry. Tell me when you're free and we can go fishing sometime soon, if you still want to of course.

✿ - 1:02

haha! of course i do, i'm free tomorrow if that's good with you?

Ben's hands were shaking uncontrollably when he messaged her back, heart hammering in his chest. Any day would've been good for Ben, he would cancel anything just to see her.

Ben - 1:05

Tomorrow is great. Is 10AM okay? If not, we can go later. I'll send you the location.

Ben sent a drop pin.

✿ - 1:12

fine by me, i'll see you then!

Even the way she texted sent Ben's head spiralling. Cute, just like she was. He could picture her smiling and blushing behind the counter at the bakery, sleeves dangling over her hands as she typed out her messages. He couldn't wait to see her. Everything would go well. He'd be a gentleman. He'd show her how affectionate he could be and she would see what a nice guy he is.

The ringtone of his cell proved otherwise.

His stomach dropped as his phone screen displayed her contact, a million thoughts rushing through his head at once. She wouldn't cancel on him, she couldn't. Couldn't let her get away.

That wouldn't be fair to Ben. Not after how much he'd cared for her, watched her, looked after her. He swiped his thumb across the screen, pressing it to his ear, trying to ignore the heavy feeling in his chest.

"Hey, Ben, I... uh I can't find... well, I can't find the spot? I don't know if I'm in the correct place."

Ben almost laughed, but held it in, appreciating how her tone of voice made his head stop swirling. "Okay, uh, tell me what you can see? Are you in your car?"

"No, I'm on my bike... I don't have a car," she spoke in a tone that sounded like an apology, timid.

Ben's eyes grew at the mention of her bike. He should've picked her up. A creep could've done something to her. Could've hurt her.

"You're on your bike?" His voice was harsh, too harsh, but he didn't recognise it until the words flew out of his mouth, "I'm sorry, I would've offered to pick you up if I knew—that's like a thirty-minute trip."

"I didn't want to bother you — there's a faded red silo?"

"You're about ten minutes off, twenty on a bike. Don't worry, I'll come pick you up."

"You're sure?"

"Of course," Ben ushered, dropping the phone call so that he could hurry to her. It was cute, he had to admit, her not wanting to bother him. But the immediate response was rage. He loved her too much to risk anything. Nothing seemed worse than leaving her on her own.

He slapped his hand down onto his neck, teeth clenched at his own incompetence. Waiting for a beat until he did it again, palm clamping down, hissing out a breath. The lanes around the ranch were narrow and half-abandoned. Bumps and rocks.

He should've advised her better. Should've just offered to pick her up. Like the gentleman he was. "Stupid, so stupid," he mumbles as he slaps himself for a third and final time.

His knuckles were white, tightly wrapped around the steering wheel. His brain was foggy, in a fever over the thought of her. He wondered what she'd be wearing. What sweater she'd chosen. Carding a hand through his hair to calm himself down, he can't be flustered around her. Can't be weak. Isn't weak.

He sped down the lanes carelessly, each rock he drove over lifted him in his seat due to the momentum — desperate to make sure she was okay.

As he turns the corner, he sees her. The abandoned silo behind her. Standing in an oversized blue sweater that had dark blue stripes running through it, rough around the edges. It rests on her mid-thigh. A short pelmet skirt beneath, barely visible. Is she wearing it to tease him? Not like she needed to try. Her presence would be tempting enough.

Despite the short skirt, a thin pair of black tights covered her legs, woolly socks over them—and over them a pair of boots. She wouldn't be needing them. He bought her rain boots, after all.

She stood next to her bike, sending Ben a weak smile as he got out of the truck. "Sorry, I really should've picked you up — it's not easily accessible."

She shook her head, watching as Ben picked up her bike, placing it into the back of the truck, being careful not to lay it on any of the gear.

"It's okay, I... I like to do things on my own. I'm not very good at asking for help," she admitted, following Ben as he led her to the passenger side of the truck.

Something about her being vulnerable made his heart pump even faster. He knew she wasn't lying about finding it hard to ask for help.

Adorable.

But he knew she was lying. Ben didn't appreciate that. She wanted to be cared for and nurtured. To be held and loved. He'd seen her talking to her friends — when he was on her laptop — talking about how much she missed them, and when she told him how lonely she felt. She'd learn that she could always talk to Ben.

"Did you make this one, too?" Ben asks, referring to her jumper.

"Oh, no," she picks at the hem, a blush covering her face, "my mom made this for me a few years ago. I wasn't sure what I should wear — I mean, what was appropriate for fishing. So I just wore what I normally would." Her rambling made Ben chuckle, watching her fumble for her words.

"Well, it's okay—I got you some things just in case," he hums, glancing over to her as he drives, watching her eyebrows raise. He knew what she wanted. To be cared for. To be thought about.

"You didn't have to."

Ben waved her off, huffing a breath of air through his lips to tell her it was nothing. Of course he did, he thought. He invited her. He wanted to treat her.

"I wasn't sure if you'd be comfortable with live bait or not? I brought bloodworms, but I've got some lures if you aren't. Live bait is more effective since it's, you know, prey."

"I don't mind, I'll have you know, in elementary school me and my friends used to hide worms in our nooks. We'd collect them in recess, and when they eventually died... from-from us keeping them in our nooks, we'd throw them funerals," she admitted, though her tone got less and less strong as she spoke.

Despite her gradual lack of confidence, Ben thought it was hilarious. He had to slow the truck down as he pulled into the fishing lake, turning to her with a wide grin, a rough throaty laugh escaping his lips.

"You were a worm girl?"

She burrowed her head in her hands, her neck turning bright red along with the tips of her ears. "No! I was not a worm girl." The sound of her giggle made him feel weightless. As if he were floating.

"Alright, you ready to fish, worm girl?" He teased, putting the truck in park to look at her.

He was ecstatic, heart pumping so fast that he could feel the vibrations in his throat. Watching with a grin as she untucked her head from her hands and looked up at him with a shy smile—a pink tint on her cheeks. She looked beautiful, and it was all for him.

"Okay," her words came out as a whisper, or maybe it was the blood pumping through his ears. She watched Ben get out of the car before following suit, playing with her hands.

Shivers shot up Ben's spine. She was nervous around him. It made his pupils dilate and a heavy feeling arose in his lower stomach.

He worked with the handle of the rod, acting as if he were doing something useful.

He could hear the gravel path being crunched as she shuffled her feet, waiting for him to instruct her, teach her, tell her what to do. "You can hold these if you want," he offered her the red rain boots, the scarf, and one of the fishing rods; he gave her the green one, she reminded him of green. Soft and gentle.

Her eyes widened at the boots, grasping the items with a timid hand. He knew she'd have a reaction to the boots — he'd chosen ones which were almost identical to the pair in her childhood photo. Red with blue linings around the top and bottom.

Though, he was surprised when she didn't mention her familiarity with them.

"Thank you — you got the right size."

Of course I did, Ben thought. He was in her wardrobe, he'd have been mad to not have a look at her things once she fell asleep. "I did? I was a bit wary..." he watched as she leaned the rod against his truck, wrapping the scarf around her neck before balancing on one foot to take her current shoes off, grasping the metal to steady herself as she did.

Ben hid the satisfied smile as she slid the boot on, patiently waiting for the next.

Her fingers slipped against his truck as she leant down again, body toppling over in an instant. But, Ben was fast. His arms wrapped around her waist to stop her from colliding onto the hard ground.

It felt like home, having her pressed against him in a protective position. He could smell her hair, and it wasn't just on some pillow. It was actually in front of him; jasmine and lavender. He could feel her breathing, the rise and fall of her chest from the shock.

"God, I'm sorry," she rushed, straightening herself out, and Ben's hands loosened but didn't release, holding her in place as she slid on the next boot. "I'm... clumsy," she winced, voice weak.

Ben watched her, hands now detached from her body, feeling so empty.

"Oh, I almost forgot," she leaned towards her bike which was in the back, unhooking something from the back of the seat — her bag. "I bought you two danish pastries, I mean they won't be that nice since they're probably going to be cold now, but I made them before I left — I promise I'm not just giving you old pastries."

Ben's lips parted in surprise, staring at the paper bag she held out to him. "You shouldn't have." He shakes his head as he takes it from her — the bag was still warm. "I mean really." He wanted to hold her. His arms were tensing at the restrictions between them. She was so kind, so giving.

"It's nothing." She gave him a coy smile.

"C'mon worm girl, fishing to do."

The path to the lake was narrow, framed by tall grass which came to Ben's shins. It wavered in the wind, exposing the odd wildflower now and then which hid in its overgrowth. Eventually, it grew shorter, and the flowers took its place, accumulating in cool blues and pinks.

He cocked his head as he watched her observe the surroundings, lips parted in awe. Ben was in awe of her, too. Her hair drifted in the breeze, falling over her shoulder — his yearning to touch her only grew deeper. So beautiful, much more beautiful than the location they stood in. The light drifted down to the water and reflected onto her as if there were some sort of higher power trying to show Ben that he had her. She was his. In this moment, and forever.

"It's lovely," she sighs, turning her attention back up to Ben, smiling as she runs her eyes over Ben's expression. "What?"

Ben blinked, running a hand through his hair as he gathered himself. "Sorry." He was sure he looked insane, but he couldn't help it. He got tunnel vision when he looked at her, forgetting his surroundings like she was the only thing in his view. Everything else went out of focus, foggy.

He could watch her for hours.

Her face cracked into a grin, eyes wrinkling at the movement. "Where did you go?"

Ben felt a blush travel up his neck, sucking in a breath, "I don't..." his words trailed off, thumb fiddling with the reel on the rod, "You look pretty," he admits, bracing himself for her scowl of disgust or frown, but he watches as a blush forms on her face, tucking her head into her neck to hide her smile.

Ben's embarrassing confession was forgotten as he watched her blush and squirm. Her eyes flickered up — that kittenish gaze that made him melt into himself. "Thank you — you're quite nice yourself," her voice came out as a whisper, weak with praise. Ben felt his lips twitch up into a smile, mirroring hers.

He placed a hand on her shoulder, leading her into a small fishing bank.

Inside, Ben felt dizzy. His head was heavy and his sight was rose-tinted. Holding his hand on the fabric of her sweater, index stroking over the yarn which made up her jumper. He could feel her leaning into his touch — she felt comfortable around him already.

He halted at a shallow point, where a small section was raised just above the lake, surrounded with bushes and trees. Intimate enough.

"Do you think it's a nice spot?" Ben hummed, trying to ignore how possessive he felt about her. She'd like it. But it could freak her out if he went about it in the wrong way.

He could wait. Couldn't risk jeopardising all his work. Ben is a patient man. Smart. It was like one of those romantic films that the girls in his high school could only dream about. A gentleman. Like Colin Firth in Bridget Jones, or Toby Stephens in Jane Eyre. No, he'd take her out before trying anything. They would have a perfect love story. People would want them to retell the story multiple times. Ben would insist he knew it was meant to be the moment he first laid eyes on her.

"I think so—I mean, you're the professional fisherman, but it looks pretty." Her tone is teasing, a smile which could make Ben melt.

"I wouldn't go as far as professional, but I guess you're right," he nods at her statement, light chuckle leaving his lips as he sits, placing the net, rod and tub of bloodworms which he had tucked under his arm onto the ground, patting the spot next to him. His eyebrows move up as he sees her try to figure out a way to sit without her skirt riding up.

Ben stands again and zips his jacket down, taking the pastries she had made him out of the pocket, handing her the blue canvas jacket he had been itching to see her in. "Here."

Her brow lifts in surprise, timidly taking the item in her own hands with a blush Ben can't ignore. She had a habit of flushing. "You're sure? You might get cold," she frowns, looking at his T-shirt.

His heart bloomed, and he felt mild tingles run up his spine before they intensified in his head, blinking at her for a moment before breaking into a toothy smile, a laugh escaping his throat. She was an angel. Caring more about Ben's comfort than her own. "Don't be silly, please. I'll be comfortable if you're comfortable."

The flush grew deeper as she accepted, fastening the jacket around herself. It reached her mid-thigh, grazing a good few inches below her skirt. Ben took a sharp breath at the sight, seeing her in his clothes. His girl in his clothes. It made him breathless for a moment, watching as she pulled her arms through the sleeves.

He was sure it would've made a comical sight if it weren't for her. But it evoked something primal in Ben, a possessiveness. Like he'd put his claim on her.

He took her wrists with a light grip, one by one, rolling up the sleeves which stretched far longer than comfortable for her, until they reached just above her fingers. To which she offered a small 'Thank you.'

Once again, he patted the spot next to him, distracted by the small chill on his now bare arms, instead focused on her. Watching as she perched next to him. "Do you want to eat first? I don't know what your appetite will be like after I open those bloodworms," he joked, lifting the paper bag up.

She paused, thinking to herself for a moment, "I—Well, I made them for you."

"You're having one, worm girl," he hums, already passing one Danish over to her. She accepted after a few back and forth's of Ben insisting. She was too sweet. It made him swoon, but he wanted to look after her, too. His entire body compelled him to.

"Did you always want to bake?" He asks in between bites, savouring the taste in his mouth. He wondered what she'd taste like.

"Um, I guess so—but I wanted to make hats when I was little." She sighs.

"Is that why Howl's Moving Castle is your favourite film?"

"How did you know that?"

"I just thought it fit you." He saw a poster on her wall and a sticker on her laptop, when he was in her apartment. Ben's confidence shattered for a split second, stunned that he'd just slipped up. "You know... you're cute and, I don't know, it fits." He stammers for his words, willing for a pit to open up and swallow him whole.

"Do you like Howl's Moving Castle?" Her eyes were wide in anticipation of his answer. He could tell just how much his opinions matter to her.

"I used to watch Studio Ghibli films when I was younger," he nods, bewildered as her face lit up. Looking at Ben like he was the only person in the world she wanted to talk to. Her hand tenderly slapped down onto his arm as an affectionate gesture, covering her mouth with the other. She was so polite. They were perfect for each other.

"Which one's your favourite?"

"Princess... Mononoke, I think? I haven't watched them for a while." He'd like to, with her.

She made a face after letting out a small whine. Ben's heart dropped. She hated him. Hated his company, realised he was the weird guy everyone always told him he was and was now going to leave him, just like everyone else does.

"Am I that predictable?" She cringed, eyebrows furrowed. Ben could see the cogs working in her head. She's not looking at Ben as she speaks but instead out to the lake, watching each ripple move in the water.

Ben can't tell if she is genuinely ashamed of herself or creeped out with him. He still can't get his head around how easy it was for him to slip up. After all that hard work of watching her for three long months, preparing himself so he was just right for her—so that she was just right for him—and he messed up. Just like that.

He finished his pastry before she did, the stress of the situation presenting itself as hunger. He waited patiently as she ate, watching her eyes dart around the place, a genuine curiosity about the area.

"We have to find the water depth before we start hooking the bait," he pulls at the sliding float, showing her where it is and pulling it to where he thought the water level would be and casting it out. Watching from the corner of his eye as she copied his movements, brows furrowed as she concentrated, lips shaped into a small pout.

God, she was... something else. Feeling a stirring in his loins.

"That should be fine," he nods, tearing his eyes away so that he doesn't encourage his body to react to her.

He grasped his rod once she was finished, gaining her attention back to him.

"You're sure you're cool with worms?"

"I think so." She watches his hands as he gathers the box and cracks the top open. "I'm exceptionally grateful that we ate beforehand," she laughed.

Even her laugh sounded like the most beautiful song to Ben. He had to stare for a moment before he remembered what he was doing, sending her a crooked smile back. "We don't need a big worm, because it's winter and fish don't eat a lot when it's cold," he murmured, voice softer than he had intended, but she was listening, so he continued. "Do you want to pick one up? I can demonstrate how to do it, if you're comfortable, of course."

"Sure," she chirps, grasping her own rod in preparation. Ben found her enthusiasm enchanting, watching as she scanned her eyes over the box, collecting a smaller worm, just like he'd said. Willing to learn. He liked that about her. God knows if he invited any of his past interests fishing and brought bloodworms along, they would've squealed.

He watches her as she copies his movements, following his instructions, like she wants him to be happy with her. Yearning for his attention, which she always has. Watching as her small hands hooked the bait onto the hook, just like he showed her. Her touch was so delicate. Eager. She'd be eager for him. Is eager for him. He just has to take it slow, and earn her trust. Ben's a good guy.

He'll show her that.

"Then we cast out," he angles his rod upwards, "you want to swing it under, not over because otherwise, it can catch onto something."

Again, she follows the way he does it. "Was that good?"

"Perfect. Now we wait."

He noticed her rubbing her eyes, just like before, far too harshly. An irritated wince came out of her, adamantly burying her fingers into her eyelid.

"Are you okay?"

"Sorry, I get hay fever, not typically in the winter though." A sniffle followed her words.

"You do? It's presumably the Mountain Cedar... I used to get it as a kid, but I outgrew it. I think the ranch helped."

"Yeah, I didn't really notice it... living in the city and all, but whenever I visited in the summer I noticed it more."

"You visited here?" Time stood still for a moment. All Ben could hear was the heavy beating in his chest and the dull chirping of a cricket. She'd visited before the bakery opened. Before her dad got ill. Ben realised how ignorant he was to believe she wouldn't. As if she'd not visit her father every once in a while.

"Yeah, my dad moved here when I was a kid, so I'd visit every other holiday. Sometimes Christmas, then mom didn't like sharing Christmases, so dad would travel up to Seattle instead. But, I'd just come up for two weeks in summer instead."

"Had we met before? I mean, before the bakery?" Ben drew nearer in surprise, head tilting. Surely not. He'd remember her.

She bobbed her head, blush blooming over her face, "I wondered if you recognised me at the bakery... I mean... I was younger, so probably not, but I remembered you. Your ears were cute, I thought so anyway. I think I was nine? You helped me after I fell over at a random park. You were on your way home from school."

"That was you?”

"Mhm."

"No way," his voice came out as a soft murmur, bewildered.

The image of a crying girl with scraped knees floods into his head, her cheeks blotchy with tears as she tries to stand up. He remembered it perfectly, all of a sudden. He'd been on his way home from her bakery, that wretched woman's bakery; when he heard her cries from a nearby green. She'd tripped over her own feet and sprained her ankle. He carried her to her father's house.

It felt obvious now. The photo of her when she was a kid — with those rain boots on. How hadn't he realised? So familiar. Her chubby cheeks, doe eyes.

It was fate.

"You thought my ears were cute?" Ben chokes out a laugh but brushes his hands over his ears as if to hide them from her.

The soft pink hue in her cheeks deepens into a much stronger Fuschia, "I can't believe I told you that," she sighs, rubbing her temples. "That's so embarrassing."

"No, no. I'm flattered. No one... No one likes my ears. Not even me."

"Well, I do."

Ben went to flirt but was interrupted by a fish pulling at the bait. Looking away and puffing a breath through his lips.

Only Ben could be cockblocked by a fish.

[moved-to-void-kissed]

Hey Echo! Was just updating my tag list and saw ur positive message, its awesome that you were able to find some physical merch for four of your f/os! Having something you can see and hold that represents your f/o is something that can be so personal haha 💖💖💖

And since you asked to hear something positive on my end, other than my new hyperfixation on Crash Bandicoot which I've been having tons of fun with, I got to visit my family last week and see my cats again! I hope life continues to go well for you! 😊💝💝💝

Hello Ruby! It’s lovely to hear from you! Thank you very much for sending this in ^-^

Awww, I’m really glad to hear that you were able to see your cats again, I’m sure they really enjoyed seeing you! And I must say that your new hyperfixation has really made me (and I’m sure many others) smile to see - I wasn’t really able to get into many Crash games myself unfortunately, but I do still own the party game on my DS! I think it’s called Crash Boom Bang? I’ve had that game for a very long time, and so seeing you and others on my dashboard start to talk about the series does bring a nice bit of nostalgia to me for that reason!

Also, thank you very much for your kind words about what I was able to get at the convention - I’m not sure I actually said what I got on this blog, but I managed to find and buy a Eula sticker, an Aqua badge (from the only person at the con whose art I actually recognised from the internet, which was a very odd feeling haha), I won an Umbreon print from a lucky dip that reminds me a lot of Luna, and I also got a Kirby badge! This was in addition to a Pyro Abyss Mage charm, which matches my self-insert, Lamia. I still need to figure out how to store and display my acquisitions, but I’m really happy to finally have some physical things, and I’m hoping it’s the start of many more items here and there ^-^

Thank you very much again for sending this to me, Ruby!! I’m glad you have also had some positive events in your life recently - may that continue to be the case for us both!~

[ryonello]

🌟TOTE BAG PREORDERS ARE LIVE!!🌟 have u ever wanted to put things in a bag with mirage apexlegends' face on it seven (7) times ? because I HAVE and so i made it possible 🥰 expected to ship out mid june! 👉ryonello.bigcartel.com👈

[pastelpaperplanes]

You mostly draw Megatron with Crusade in his Cybertronian look but in your canons it was said that while carrying the spark Megs wore his Marauder look. Did Megatron changed bodies or is the Canon changed?

yes! haha so hmm let’s see. So far up until A Little Too Familiar I have tossed Crusade into my Crackship AU—because with the Cybertron’s future AU with a whole lot of my other sparklings, ones that have considered backstories, they wouldn’t exist because of Shamus and Envoy!—and yes in the Crack AU, Megan does sport his Marauder Upgrade.

I’m still 1000% open to keeping Crusade as like,,a cameo for the Crack AU but I will say I’m getting far too attached to their character to better NOT explore them more in a more intricate backstory kind of sense! Many of the asks I’ve answered previously about Crusade’s personality and future are still canon—with the exemption that Crusade has a far more present/loving relationship with their Carrier, who as a literal helicopter parent is near suffocating in his protectiveness and efforts to keep his sparkling away from the hands and influence of the Autobots, even if that means locking them away on the Nemesis far too much to be healthy, and lying straight to their face, and others, about their origins.

Since the TFN 2021 S4 kickoff script reading I’ve been leaning towards guess what—a whole other AU that continues RIGHT after that point, much like where the CF AU would—only certain rescission within the timeline have been changed leading to, in some relationships, a vastly different setting for a next generation! (No, I don’t think I’d create a whole ton of other sparklings in place, for example a planned Strika/Lugnut kiddo wouldn’t happen for obvious reasons, nor would Shmaus or Envoy exist!! Who would remain, THAT I will figure out later down the line.) So Megatron is not in his Marauder form, Optimus is named Magnus, Jazz is with team Prime/Ninja Corps, Sentinel is still a dick figures, Prowl is still dead and so forth.

What I have planned is sort of like where the Deceptions sport a retreat after their bust on Earth when attempting to take over the central line of techno organic energon. The Cons faced losses, high command was scrambled and still very much injured from their cruel, and unusual keeping within Trypticon, heavy sacrifices turned out to NOT reap greater rewards, and the troops are still starving—and starving, scared mecha are far more dangerous than angry ones.

Optimus is still coming to terms that he is due to lead Cybertron, under the title of Optimus Magnus as soon as he’s back, whether he likes it or not as the front lines are still very much on edge with the evermore increasingly violent rouge Con raids.

I made some commentary on the reading as a whole which was PHENOMENAL and I’m still riding the high that is the fanTASTIC work that was put into is, like god. There was a brief but hilarious moment from Rattletrap where he attempted to sell off a crudely photoshopped Megop photograph as dirt—a part of me thought it would be even MORE hilarious if said photo was actually, used and Op was left sputtering after a double take going like how did they find that. HOW.

My poor, poor fanfic loving heart got going on of course the What if the Enemies Were Fraternizing Throughout the Whole of The Show, Morals be Damned in Those Stolen Moments Because I Like YOU For Some Reason trope. Wow is me, be still my beating HEART. It did not stop—so I made another AU :D yayyyyy

Basically the creation of Crusade follows along in this timeline in that sense. They were a product of one too many lonely nights in some far off abandoned cave that never could quite seem to end with a civil conversation, let alone spark apprehension from the other when it came to going toe to toe of the battlefield for the sake of their Causes. A Comfort without Strings relationship, even if they did come to grow fond of each other, not that they’d ever admit it—a confession, in a sense, would only hurt both parties knowing that the two would never give up their motivations in the ‘impossible ‘case that said feelings were mutual.

From the looks of it, the Autobots did not once tend to the Deceptions during their stay at Trypticon. Megs still sported bare struts and tattered armor up to his escape—it would be believable that medics never once ran scans, let alone were ordered to get anywhere near the high command. With already being in such poor shape, battered, humiliated, starved, violated (those minicons?? homage to Trepan??? yikessssss) and sedated—it would be believable that Megatron wouldn’t pay notice to a small flutter in his spark amongst all the pain and anxiety, at least until he finally could gather his bearings under the lockdown of his temporary fortress stuck on Earth.

Megatron, knowing he was alone, now extremely vulnerable, heavily outnumbered and out favored by his remaining struggling troops, called upon his definitely not most favorite sub team to cower behind—the DJD, to meet his blaring distress beacon.

Tarn and his crew, with the help of the rest of high command’s signal dampeners, are able to as covertly as possible—minus the world sweeper size of the Peaceful Tyranny and the paralyzing droning on of the Empyrean Suite that Tarn just loves so dearly—made it off planet save for a few bumps and bruises from the small force of Team Prime. The High & Mighty Megatron was no where to be seen in the action. Probably off in a hurry to lick his wounds in retreat after getting his ass handed to him, many assumed, but Nickel knew better. Tarn knew better. Something was terribly wrong in order to resort to a ‘cowardly’ extraction and evasion mission.

You can see where I’m going w this—so anyways YES that is the general gist of where this AU kicks off!!! Megs and Op, particularly Megs, got unlucky on their last night together—eventually all leading to the introduction of the previously secretive back up weapon that was the DJD. Coming to the rescue of their Fearless, All Powerful, and Resilient Leader?? A strange, but instantly understandable measure to resort to once Megatron reveals himself as a carrying mech, the beholder of a true heir and a testament to the resilience that is the Deceptions though the terrible reign the Autobots have held against them through the eons.

I’ll go into why he keeps Crusade on a tight leash and Op out of the loop entirely for as long as he possibly could—and how the rest of Megaton’s troops behaved around this clearly, half blooded Con sparkling their leader doted on— later!

Needless to say, Crusade’s reputation from the moment they were born was tottering on a fine line between that of pitiable condolences for their leader, and that of true Decepticon pride knowing that the one to lead them to glory some day is none other than one of the Autobots’ very own descendants.

Hope that kinda better explains things! I like Meg’s Cybertronian design, it’s sleek, it’s sexy, it’s easier to draw, and since S4 gave us a fresher design to admire of Optimus, why not have the same for his other half!

YEAHH. so new AU :D AYOOOO I’ll tag this timeline/future mentionings of Crusade and their journey as Cybertron’s Legacy AU

extremely stupid doodle under the cut! I can’t get over the duality of Old Written vs New Written Crusade ahhh 💀💀

I found a horrifically perfect tik tok audio for these two oml

Swapping Megatron stories!

[littlesmartart]

Leverage AU thoughts

okay so I wanted to keep the worldbuilding for the AU in that specific photoset relatively short for the sake of how the post worked, but I've seen a lot of questions in the tags so here is some more information for you all, under the cut because it got LONG:

MORALITY: okay so I called this the "(sort of) Leverage AU" because it basically flips the Leverage concept of "criminals work together with one non-criminal for the greater good" into "one criminal persuades a bunch of non-criminals that law =/= morality and that sometimes to make sure the bad guys get justice you have to work around legality". Obviously some people are easier to persuade than others (Huaisang has always been pretty ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ about the law, but before he joins the team he insists all of his crimes have been Theoretical, and besides, pirating movies isn't real crime, da-ge, god), and some of them are a little troubled by it but have their own reasons for joining (Mingjue has a LOT of issues with it, but joins to protect Huaisang for That One Job, and then stays with the insistence that a. they don't kill anyone, b. they don't involve anyone who doesn't super deserve it, and c. that their goal is always to get evidence so the mark can be convicted and the mark is always handed over to the appropriate authorities at the end of the job. he has a little more moral flexibility than canon Mingjue because of his Complicated Past He Wants To Atone For, but he still has an incredibly strong internal moral code that he absolutely will not violate. Jiang Cheng cares more about the law in principle, rather than personally, and as soon as he sees that they can get Justice that the law can't, he's sold). Xichen has the hardest time of it; he jumps into the first job without protest because Meng Yao asks (and Meng Yao never ever asks for anything, so it... it must be important, right? And Jin Guangshan definitely deserves it). After that he has a lot of internal struggling going on, and he's usually the one in the team trying to steer them towards legal means, and going through the "correct" channels. He probably has a breakdown about it at the end of a season and spends the next season Travelling To Find Himself. He winds up coming back to the team when, on one of his travels, he watches a family he's staying with lose everything after being targeted by a conman, but because of a dirty police chief the evidence is destroyed. They refuse to take his money when he tries to help, and he realises that they only way to get them justice... is to call in the team. That's not to say he is 100% cool with everything from then on, and he definitely draws the line at certain criminal acts (stealing for the fun of it he is not okay with, for example, and he gives a Hard No on the suggestion of trying White Rabbit) but for the most part he accepts the concept of what they do as being for the greater good.

GRIFTER XICHEN: yeah it's ridiculous and implausible but hear me out... that just makes it better. Because this man is terrible at improv and can only lie when he's in character (you see that means it's not lying then, it's just ACTING) and doesn't drink and absolutely will not seduce a mark past the level of general flirting... and yet he's somehow a wildly successful grifter??? How??? I'll tell you how: he's so fucking handsome and kind and charming and cultured that pretty much everyone who meets him just... melts a little bit and, with some coaxing, gives him whatever he needs. IT'S LIKE A FREAKIN SUPERPOWER and it's absolutely ridiculous. With the added bonus that he's juuust famous enough that the average person might kind of think he looks familiar, which means he's very good at coming across like he totally belongs wherever he's seen. Of course he works here, he's been here for months... don't you recognise him?

NO WOMEN ON THE TEAM: look, in Meng Yao's defence, when he put together this team he thought it would only be for one job, he wasn't trying to future-proof it! But yes, it can sometimes be an issue if they don't have time to plan ahead, and he and Huaisang - as the most stereotypically feminine members of the team, and by far the best liars - will usually take on any female roles they need if they're in a pinch and can't call in outside help, although all of them are ready to take on roles of different genders if need be (female roles are actually the only way to persuade Huaisang to grift, and he has an extensive shoe collection for such roles that he likes to expand by billing to the company account... Meng Yao is deeply unimpressed by this).

OTHER CHARACTERS: when Meng Yao started this, he worked very very hard to keep his siblings and the rest of his family out of it, to keep them all away from any fallout in case it went wrong (and also to stop any pesky Moral Issues from getting in the way). When that was over and they started taking regular cases, he relaxed the rule a little - Mianmian will sometimes step in to help if she can be sold on how bad the person is they're taking down, Zonghui can be relied upon if they need extra muscle, and Wen Qing is their go-to Ask No Questions doctor. Wei Wuxian frequently gets roped in to consult, as, if you give him six packs of hot chips, ten cans of monster, twelve hours, and a laptop, he can become a specialist in almost anything. Jiang Cheng was very very resistant towards the idea of his brother being allowed in the team, even just as a consultant, but the MOMENT Wei Wuxian was given any access to Shenanigans there was no fucking stopping him. In the later jobs Qin Su accidentally gets pulled into one of the cons and turns out to be a WAY better grifter than anyone could have imagined, so she winds up on the "ally call list". Meng Yao is both perturbed and proud, but absolutely draws the line at teenage Mo Xuanyu being allowed to help.

PAIRINGS: flipping the "two parents + three kids" dynamic in Leverage, this AU has 3zun and Sangcheng - so "three gege + two didi". Xiyao have a One That Got Away sort of past, and Xichen joins the team SPECIFICALLY because Meng Yao expresses emotional vulnerability by asking for help fOr OnCe In HiS fUcKiNg LiFe. Nielan dated when they were teens, and are happy to be reunited, but Mingjue refuses to rekindle a romantic relationship until Xiyao sort their shit out because it's obvious to anyone with eyes how hung up on Meng Yao Xichen is. Nieyao have a certain amount of "I'll work with you towards a common cause but that doesn't mean I have to like you" vibe, but veeery slooowlyyy wind up bonding over doing stuff they're not proud of for something they were so sure was a worthy cause at the time, but now they just feel jaded and used (there's a lot of arguments along the lines of "oh, so my corporate espionage is worse than what you did in spec ops... because the military says that what you did was legal. RIGHT. OKAY. SURE."). After several years of will-they-won't-they struggle, 3zun do get together, and everyone is very relieved. As for Sangcheng... it starts off as Huaisang just flirting kind of obnoxiously with Jiang Cheng, who rolls his eyes and snarks back, and then naturally Huaisang winds up catching feelings and is like [meme voice] Haha, I'm In Danger! He is unwilling to act on his feelings because he doesn't believe that Jiang Cheng likes him that way, and continues to believe that right up until the day Jiang Cheng snaps, and grabs him and kisses him, and is like "if I didn't actually like you flirting with me I would have punched you in the face years ago" and Huaisang is like "huh. Yeah that's probably true."

[spockandawe]

I'll be boring and ask about xuexiao? I just can't decide if it's more fun for them to be happy or tragically canon

Xuexiao!!!!!!!!

Downsides: 

The biggest downside is that xue yang Fucked Up in a nearly-irrecoverable fashion before things could even get going, but him taking out Song Lan’s eyes was the only reason they were able to get to know each other later to begin with, and you know what, I haven’t talked about this ship in a while, and I forgot how much it hurts ;u;

Upsides: 

Literally everything. Even the massive Fucking Up. God, I just tabbed away from this and stared at my dashboard for like five minutes just thinking about everything I love about them, let me try to think about where to even begin, without just repeating my whole xuexiao tag, haha

Xiao Xingchen is horribly lonely, and deeply, quietly miserable. I want him to have a friend who is completely irreverent, teases him instead of babies him over being blind, can talk forever, and can make anything into a joke. I want him to have a friend who treats him like just another guy instead of an untouchable immortal or an object of pity. And instead of an easy mark! It’s a friendship where xue yang will casually con him into going to do chores because xiao xingchen can’t see him cheating, but where he’ll also explain the joke and tease him for being so easy to fool, and where he’ll also go out and menace the merchants who take advantage of his blindness to give him shitty goods.

(on the one hand, I live for how outraged and upset song lan is when he sees xue yang teasing xiao xingchen over being blind, but also... even though xiao xingchen is a sweetheart, I feel like one of the good ways to genuinely upset him is by treating him like he’s fragile or helpless. xue yang is maybe incredibly shameless for teasing him about it when it’s semi-partially his fault, but it also gives me feelings when I wonder about how many people over the years have been able to just treat xiao xingchen like a person)

And Xue Yang... I do also have a lot of feelings over what a novel and interesting experience it is for him to be liked. Or trusted. And on the one hand, I am positive he thinks Xiao Xingchen is impossibly stupid for trusting him in the first place, and I feel like the whole “fierce corpse” fiasco is at least partially a joke on this subject. But the fierce corpse thing stops, at some point, and Xue Yang stays. He’s a skilled cultivator, even if he has to conceal his identity, and other rogue cultivators have seemed to to pretty well for themselves in the world. But he stays here in this broken-down coffin home with this new family, and I feel completely confident in saying that he liked living there. He tried to hide the Song Lan thing so that he could keep peacefully living there. This was, very possibly, the first home he ever had where he was wanted.

Of course, there’s all that fucking up that xue yang does before he realizes that this is something he wants to preserve and keep and nurture. Which... this is a tragedy that I find very tasty, and the fucking up is an important part of that. But also, I do desperately want to see them actually work things out and struggle forward through the mess (with or without song lan, though a dead song lan really, really makes an already fraught situation extra, extra complicated)

On the tragedy front, my latest thing that hurts me so very deeply is how Xiao Xingchen’s goals and ambitions gradually... shrink over time, until all he wants is to live in this coffin home with his little family, and how Xue Yang ends revealing to him that with even these small goals and small ambitions, that for every important person in Xiao Xingchen’s life, he was either wrong about them (Song Lan) or believed them when they lied to his face (A-Qing and Xue Yang). In a situation where Xiao Xingchen doesn’t die right there, there’s so much potential in these people finding a way to express to Xiao Xingchen how much he’s loved and wanted, and for them to try not to panic in front of him, or overburden him with their needs when he seems so brittle and fragile. But we don’t get that! We get death, and this little family (+song lan) that cared about each other is absolutely shattered, and almost everyone is dead, and the only person who isn’t dead is absolutely miserable.

And it’s both so tasty and so painful just how much Xue Yang regrets things. I’ve talked at length about what he’s trying to communicate as things fall apart, and why he starts reacting badly and lashing out and trying to hurt Xiao Xingchen (*hurt Xiao Xingchen back). There were a lot of ways for things to end....  unhealthily and unhappily, but in an unhealthy and/or unhappy situation, there are ways to fix it, even if it takes time, even if it’s never the same as it was before. Instead, Xiao Xingchen ends up dead, he ends up too shattered to reanimate, and Xue Yang is forced to admit that this is a situation that can’t be fixed-- Not that he ever properly admits that, not that he ever completely surrenders, right up until the day he dies. But it breaks my heart to see him cleaning off Xiao Xingchen’s body and setting out two places for dinner, and seeing him realizing, even if he pulls himself back together and goes back to fighting despite the odds.

I honestly don’t know if I prefer the tragedy or a happy ending, because they’re both so rich in emotions that it’s almost impossible for me to choose one over the other. I do like happy endings much better than sad ones, but the book was never going to put the time into their relationship to take them past the damage that the “fierce corpse” thing did. And the tragedy that we get makes daydreaming about possible happy endings more... intense and tasty. They give me the sharpest, sharpest yearnings for them to experience Happiness, but Xiao Xingchen dies grieving and despairing, and Xue Yang stubbornly holds on, trying to find some way to get him back, until he dies too, holding onto an old piece of candy and the memory of being cared for.

They hurt me a lot, in ways that are good, but also intensely painful! There’s something about a relationship where two characters should be enemies and are enemies, but once that framing is taken away from them, they realize just how intensely they like each other. Of course, in this case, it’s setting Xiao Xingchen up for a miserable time later, and Xue Yang for a miserable time of his own after that, but it’s so deliciously bittersweet to see how happy they made each other, and how happy they could have continued making each other, if things were a little different. And, obviously, it gives me intense cravings where they somehow are given the opportunity to work through all the damage that was done, until they gradually manage to rediscover what it was about the other person that made them so happy to begin with.

[copperpieceharlot]

Bud I’m sorry to swing into your inbox uninvited like this but my soul is having an OOTS renaissance thanks to your content in the tag and did you say Leverage AU

haha holy SHIT this got Long. but yes. i’ve been. Thinking. (also literally Never feel like you have to apologize for sending me messages. i was Hoping someone would ask me about this. now i have an Excuse to share EVERYTHING ive written abt it :3)

Obviously, Roy is the leader/brains of the outfit. He grew up having some Strong Opinions abt what’s Legal versus what’s Right due to tragic backstory involving the death of his little brother which was definitely SOMEONE’S fault for negligence but since there technically wasn’t any illegal behavior, there were no consequences for it. Also he’s still angry at his dad bc he thinks his dad is also partly culpable (and also also just a dick). He’s the Moral Backbone of the team (alongside Durkon, more on that later) in basically the same way Nate was in og Leverage. He’s actually not the best at figuring out what people want (that’s Haley and, shockingly, occasionally Elan), but once he has that info, he is the absolute best at figuring out the ideal plan of attack to use in any given case.

Haley is still a thief. I mean she maps to Parker almost PERFECTLY. Her dad was a thief & a conman, her mom wasn’t but knew about it and mostly accepted it, but she died tragically in a mugging gone wrong or smth, which made Ian crank the paranoia WAY up and taught Haley to do the same in the name of “safety”. Let’s keep the “Ian is in Trouble and Haley needs money, Fast” which is why she signs on to the first job in the first place. She’s less acrobatic than Parker, tending towards finding (or making) weak spots in security, but she can still make a tumble check when she needs to.

Elan is the grifter who is somehow an Idiot but also not???? It baffles everyone. When he’s playing a part for a con, he’s FLAWLESS, but then the rest of the time he’s just. No Thoughts Head Empty. He probably gets lured in initially because he’s decided to try his hand at being part of a full team, rather than the two-man cons he’s been running that invariably end w his partner conning him as well and stealing half of his take. Also he likes the idea of being Crime Friends. He’s that tweet where it’s like, Roy: “after the heist is over, we split up and never communicate again” / Elan: [about to unveil his Crime Buddies Forever Friendship Quilt Puppets]: “never?”

Vaarsuvius is the hacker/gadget person. They have a Vaguely Snobby Yet Unidentifiable accent, dyed(?) purple hair (nobody has ever seen their roots) and nobody knows who they “really” are or where they came from, but they’re good at what they do so everyone just accepts the mystery. They probably got suckered into the team by their initial employer (who I’ll get to Eventually, lol) framing it as a challenge to their intellect, like, “oh, I see, you’re not smart enough to make this team work for you...” to which they were like Fucking Watch Me and also melted his computer. Anyways. They are joined (digitally) by their Intrepid Friend And Co-Conspirator (his words, not theirs), a fellow hacker known only as Blackwing, or, on certain forums, Blackwing_Bird. (In the first season, V only occasionally references him when saying they’re “calling in extra help” or smth for a particularly complex hack job. He starts showing up a little more in s2 and eventually by the start of s4 is a regular & established presence, but only appears as actions in a computer interface or output.) Elan is convinced he’s an AI, Belkar doesn’t think he actually exists, Haley pretends she doesn’t think he exists, and Durkon and Roy try not to think about it too hard, as long as B and V still get the job done.

Belkar is the hitter. He is on the team bc their initial employer got him out of jail for it. He doesn’t have a tragic backstory, he just likes doing violent crimes. As the series progresses, he grows some empathy & stuff, but really only for people who actually deserve it. Assholes still get decked. It’s all very touching. (Also he has dwarfism caused by achondroplasia. It doesn’t actually bother him and is useful in fights bc his opponents frequently have no fucking clue how to approach him, but he likes Pretending to take offense at stupid things just to see how far he can go with it.)

Aaaand last but not least, Durkon is the least involved member of the team. He’s actually a career criminal and Roy’s mentor, and wasn’t a member of the initial team that [redacted, I’ll tell you later, PROMISE] put together for a couple of reasons, the main one being that he’s Officially retired in order to spend more time with his family, which consists of his mom, his friend (not girlfriend) Hilgya, baby Kudzu, and a truly stunning number of aunts, uncles, and cousins. Roy frequently calls or visits him for advice and he Occasionally shows up to help out on local jobs, but generally he avoids doing crime if he can (as part of a deal with Hilgya, who is also a career criminal; basically, they’ve both cut back on the crime in order to provide a more stable home environment for Kudzu. But sometimes, you gotta do a little crime, and in those cases, Sigdi enjoys spending time w her grandson.)

NOW. THE BIG REVEAL YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FOR. Who got the team together in the first place?!

The answer: Lord Shojo (or whatever Normal Person Name you want to assign him). Now this is where it gets tricky: he had them do a thing that they thought was good, THEN they thought it was BAD, but then when they confronted him he revealed that it Appearing to be bad was actually a test of character and would they consider working as basically internal investigators for him? But then he had a heart attack, so, rip. But THEN it turned out that he’d left them a bunch of money anyway and they were all feeling kind of Inspired so they formed the Order of the Stick, LLC (which, no, i am not coming up with a new name, actually, because I just don’t care. someone else can come up w a justification for that name, tho, i’m sure it’s possible). Also Miko was there and was unhappy abt their actions, and also their general existence.

Moving on. Villains!

Redcloak is the Sterling replacement, because that DEEPLY amuses me.

Xykon is a season-long main villain, probably one that Redcloak finds himself working for but then “teams up with” (read: blackmails) the Order to bring him down bc even Redcloak finds Xykon distasteful. That’s season 3, let’s say.

Tarquin is another season villain, say season 2. Nale probably shows up pretty early in s1, actually, as another recurring antagonist like Sterling but uh. Less good at it. Anyways the s2 final 3 eps deal with them (accidentally) discovering that Tarquin runs some Evil Empire Company, then trying to outplay him and take him down. Idk if Nale still dies in this version tbh.

Tsukiko is a one-off s1 villain who returns briefly in s4 alongside Miko, who has gone well and truly off the rails.

Season 1 finale has to do w Roy finally getting Vengeance for his little brother.

The vampire squad is the s4 finale villain who do smth terrible to Durkon and then get the Mother Of All Revenge served up to them by the Order.

I envision the show as being 5 seasons (like og Leverage) but I’m not going to sketch out s5 because I think it should be based off whatever happens in the current story arc, possibly involving some legacy of the OotSquiggle.

Other stuff!

The Order of the Squiggle is a legendary criminal team from the 60s who stole a BUNCH of famous shit & then proceeded to legendarily implode. This has no bearing on the plot I’ve sketched out, I just think it’s fun.

The Sapphire Guard members should probably be reworked as FBI. I don’t care about most of them but I do think that Lien and O-Chul could be like, FBI agents who Choose to look the other way while the Order does their very-much-not-legal-but-still-fair Justice Crime, and maybe even help them out on occasion.

So, the Final season-by-season outline, based on everything I’ve written so far:

s1 e1: getting the team together, doing a con for Shojo, then at the end he dies and the gang is like “dang what now?" and intend to split up except then they Don’t.

mid-s1: Nale shows up and tries to trick the Order, but then gets beat like a drum.

late s1: Tsukiko is an underling of the Villain Of The Week, winds up in police custody. But She’ll Be Back.

s1 finale: Roy’s Vengeance: The Vengeaning. also we meet Redcloak as an antagonist.

s2 e1: the truth abt Haley’s father comes out

early s2: The Two Live Crews Job but it’s the Order vs the Linear Guild and the Linear Guild ARE all bad guys.

mid-s2: Redcloak returns. ugh.

late s2: the sapphire guard FBI makes its first appearance, hello O-Chul and Lien.

s2 pre-finale: once again they’re in conflict w Nale over smth, he spends the whole episodes making Cryptic Remarks, they basically beat him (like a drum!) but then the stinger at the end is that Tarquin reveals himself and Elan is like “Dad?!”, roll credits.

s2 finale, part 1: Elan is hanging out w Tarquin bc he’s DEEP in Denial, the Rest of the team tries to take Tarquin down, but it doesn’t work.

s2 finale, part 2: Elan finally gets a clue and they manage to beat Tarquin. still haven’t decided if Nale dies or not, but I’m leaning towards yes. also they rescue Haley’s dad.

s3 e1: fuck dude idk.

early s3: Redcloak shows up, AGAIN, everyone groans. he has blackmail on them, he wants them to take Xykon down.

mid s3: The Rashomon Job but it’s about stealing the Talisman of Dorukan and it turns out that Nale was there too (“oh!” Elan says. “I was wondering why I looked so weird in all those mirrors! But it wasn’t my reflection, it was Nale’s!” “Sweetie, that wasn’t Nale’s reflection,” says Haley. “Huh,” says Elan, “so the mirrors were broken?”, cue eye rolling from everyone else.), and the Successful thief was Hilgya, who’d nabbed it from the owner before it even went on display.

s3 finale: they beat Xykon, actually factually, because he deserves to get his ass Thoroughly kicked, even if only in AU form. Lien and O-Chul are there, so are some other less helpful FBI people. There’s a bit where O-Chul Exact Wordses his way out of telling his superiors about the Order’s less legal activities without technically lying. King shit.

s4 e1: doesn’t really matter. maybe smth to do w some legacy of Tarquin’s company to set up the drama w Malack & Durkon later.

early s4: Durkon gets SENT TO PRISON. Malack approaches the Order abt this because sure they have Different Ethics but they’re still Friends. (Roy is surprised and a little hurt that he’s never heard of Malack, but he ignores that in favor of Let’s Get Whatever Fuckers Did This To Our Friend.)

immediately after that: Miko and Tsukiko return as a Team, preventing the Order from working on the Durkon situation

mid s4: Redcloak makes another unexpected & unwelcome appearance but he’s maybe a little less of a dick? the Order collaborates with Malack & his Crime Buddies (hello, Vector Legion) to pull one over on him tho, because “less of a dick” does not mean “a pleasant or decent person”, and also he was mean abt Durkon being in jail, so he totally deserved it. he still gets whatever he wanted tho, just takes a blow to his pride. also prevents the Order from helping Durkon. they’re having a LOT of setbacks wonder why that could be, not to make sure the season fills its whole length or anything, no sirree

s4 finale: something something taking down the organization, headed by Hel (yes that’s her real name), which framed Durkon for their Big Crime. Durkon goes free and Extra Firmly retires, For Good, He Swears, but says he “met someone new” who might be an asset.

s5 e1: minrah joins the team! and the episode is set in like, somewhere really snowy. that’s all i got.

the rest of s5: don’t know, don’t care, it’s open-ended until the comic finishes up.

[aaetherius]

Get To Know The Writer!

———  BASICS! ♡

(PEN)NAME: Noise

PRONOUNS: They / Them 

ZODIAC SIGN: Virg.o

TAKEN OR SINGLE: I am a single parent to a gremlin cat. I also have a dog and another cat, but when do I ever talk about them sorry my fur children I should not have a favorite, but I do.

———  THREE  FACTS! ♡

I am fairly/decently tattooed (verging on heavily tattooed, I think most would argue)? I think that’s something most people don’t know or assume about me (unless you’ve seen me, then, of course, it’s the first thing everyone notices). I have a lot of tattoos so I won’t describe/go over all of them (most of them are nerdy though). But the most obvious/largest one I have is my full sleeve (entire left arm), and that one is of Ok.ami! My favorite one, though, is on my thigh because I’m biased, and it’s a decently sized heart with a scene from K.iki’s Delivery service in it/things that reference it, but Lily and Jiji (the cats from Kiki’s) are colored/drawn as my two cats instead (their names are Elise and Bella and I love them very much gfheudhg)! And my most recent one is a pretty large Sailor Moo.n (Luna) inspired one on my calf (I got it done, unintentionally, like the day before we went into lockdown here and I still think about how that’s the last time I left my house other than to walk the dog and for the essentials, obviously dshjgjfy).  

A lot of you know this already, but I sew/know how to sew (largely self taught)! I mainly do cosplay stuff for myself now, and sometimes make cosplays for friends (if I love them enough ghufdihrudk). But there was a period of my life where I was doing it professionally/as a job. I had my own business, and used to make and sell plushies (mainly at conventions, and would do several conventions in a year. Free fun fact from that, but my best con was actually in Canada, of which I am not from nor do I live in, but because of that I have a business license/Tax number in Canada. Used to get invites to events in Canada all of the time and I had to tell them I don’t live there gfudrkugfgrfdr)! 

This is so very difficult. I’m out of facts and trying to come up with things you guys don’t already know ifdshliuf. Uhhhhh, on the more personal side/less fun side I guess, but I was on a learning plan (I honestly forget the actual term for it - basically it’s for when you struggle with a certain subject and have to take extra classes for it or are given accommodations for it because it’s difficult for you) throughout most of school/prior to college for - writing, actually (believe it or not gifdljhgkgrt)! I was often told how terrible I was at it/that I would never get better at it because the school system can be awful, but I enjoyed it, and was a very stubborn child so I kept at it anyway! Eventually I was taken off of it in high school entirely because of my own efforts. So, I just want to say: never let people tell you that you’re incapable of something/can’t do something/don’t let people bring you down! If you love something, and get enjoyment out of it, you should do it regardless of what others think/believe! And be kind/supportive to creatives (including yourself - so very much including yourself, you’re wonderful and deserving of respect and praise for doing what you do). It can take so much courage to write or draw or sew or sculpt a single thing (and you should be proud of that thing, even if it doesn’t live up to what you wanted, because what really matters is that you had the courage to do it at all)! There’s often so much going on behind the scenes that you’re not aware of, and you never know where, when, or how someone started off in something (so even if something seems easy for someone now, it likely wasn’t when they started and still might not be)!  

———  EXPERIENCE! ♡

I can’t recall when I started role-playing exactly (I’ve been writing, in general, since I could hold a pen). It’s been years, but I started with OCs on forums and with friends (in high school I had a group of friends that I would trade around a physical notebook with where we would write replies - one time, for a friend’s birthday, I had owed them a reply for a really long time, so we wrapped it up and them put it in five or so boxes, all of which were also wrapped, and gave it to them. It was a good time haha. Gosh I’m so old). Before eventually moving to tumblr. Most of my older/oldest OCs are still around on my general multi (August being the oldest, but a decent chunk of the OCs on that blog are pretty old). The first canon character I wrote was, I believe, Steven St.one from P.okemon. As far as Lucifer is concerned, I’m a few days away from this blog being seven months old!

———  MUSE  PREFERENCE! ♡

I’m not quite certain what my preference is to be honest! I enjoy writing both OCs and canon characters. I tend to favor characters I’m more emotionally invested in since I tend to be on the shy/more withdrawn side of things so it’s easier for me to interact with others/reach out to others when I’m more invested in a muse! A lot of it can depend on my mood as well, certain characters are easier for me to write depending on how I’m feeling ( but there are muses I find easy to write regardless of how I’m doing). And how comfortable I feel with/on my dash also plays a fairly decent role in my preference, as well! And I enjoy running both single and multi-muse blogs, though most of my blogs are multis (but having a single muse blog is so nice). As far as archetypes go, I think I don’t favor one as much as I used to, but I still write a lot of white-haired muses haha. As far as gender goes, I tend to write male identifying muses most often.        

———  FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT! ♡    

FLUFF: I love and adore all things soft. Obviously it’s easier with certain muses than others (Lucifer lends himself well to fluff, but I have muses, like L.ucilius, who do not). I’m always down to write fluffy things, and very much enjoy it! I like and favor happy/soft content! I like seeing muses get closer, and living their lives and I’m always excited to see characters happy/finding out what they enjoy/spending time with others and learning about them/letting characters live their lives (especially in Lucifer’s case because, well, you know haha. If Cy.games won’t let him be happy I will simply have to do it myself).

ANGST: I like angst to a certain extent. I’m not into super heavy angst that has a bad/unhappy outcome, and doesn’t serve much of a purpose beyond being angsty. But angst that allows characters to develop is wonderful, and expected. And I love the recovery period. Writing muses addressing and living with their actions or learning how to cope with them - how their past or how what’s happened impacts their day to day lives and how they think/what bothers them/their actions/how it becomes a part of them, and what it takes for them to grow. Or how it deepens their relationship with another, and the comfort that comes with it. I enjoy angst that has a happy/meaningful ending. 

SMUT: It tends to be very case-by-case by with me. I may write it with certain muses (of mine) and not with others. I may be open to writing it with certain ship partners, and not with others, as well. I will/can write it, but it depends on my comfort level (and it is by no means a deal breaker if you chose to write or not write it). Generally speaking, it largely depends on how comfortable I am with the mun I’m writing with, and with my own muse that’s involved. So I might write it from time to time/it could come up, and there might be other times where I’m not comfortable/confident (and fading to black/time skipping is also a-okay with me, especially if you’re interested in exploring the aftermath/comfort that follows it, but not actually writing the smut part of that out). Though, keep in mind, when it comes to actually writing it out on my end, I’m more invested and interested in the emotional aspect that intimacy tends to bring with it/how it impacts the relationship (before, during, and after), and that does tend to be what I focus on when I write it (because I just find that part of it interesting to explore because my favorite things to write are character and relationship development). So, long story short, I’m selective with it.

PLOT / MEMES: Both are good! You’re always welcome to turn an ask or meme into a thread, and I find that it’s easier to start threads through asks/memes than it is through starters/a starter call so I very much enjoy them! But plotting is also nice, and I enjoy it! Sometimes, though, I have a million ideas, and it goes super well, and other times my head is completely empty and I have no thoughts whatsoever. But plotting also tends to make writing a starter/interacting easier, and also leads to interesting threads! So, I’m open to both!

tagged by: @cirocchio (thank you)!

tagging ( if you want to do this, but no pressure if you don’t! ): @cxffexngel, @anamnaesis, @hartblooms, @shymaidxn, @unladylikc, @whisperonn, @dcpraved, @synnthos, @caelumsaltator, @againthemartyr, @eternalwhite!

[technoskittles]

Catradora fic rec list

I mentioned making one of these awhile ago and I’m finally sitting down and compiling some of my all-time favorite fics. I’ve read a lot (like, a LOT), but I feel like a few of those really deserve an extra shout out.

I’ll separate them between multi-chap and one shots, but other than that they won’t be in any particular order. I’ll also try my best to tag the authors here on tumblr if I can find them, but if not, just lemme know if you see your fic and I can edit this later.

I’ll also be including ratings/word count/trigger warnings/etc

(I’ll mostly be including common tw’s so please make sure you also read the tags for anything that may affect you personally! Also, if I miss any, please keep in mind that it’s been awhile since I’ve read some of these so I may not remember all of them!)

Key:

[E] - Explicit 

[M] - Mature

[T] - Teen & Up Audiences

[G] - General Audiences

And for the multi-chap fics:

(O) - Ongoing

(F) - Finished

(?) - Not finished and they haven’t updated in awhile so the author probably died

So let’s get started! (Get ready for a long post obviously)

Multi-chap fics:

1. upper west side by ceruleanstorm (F) [T] ~190,000 words

TW: past child abuse, alcohol abuse

@princessofgayskull

I feel like this is definitely one of the top must-reads for all Catradora fanfics. I know I’ve seen this on a couple different lists but I’m including it on mine as well because it really is just that good.

The chapters are lengthy (but in a good way!) and the story really takes its time to flesh itself out. The character development of the characters as individuals is beautifully done and wonderfully realistic. The pacing of the development of Catra and Adora’s relationship is also sweetly slow, a steady slowburn that invokes that deep-rooted yearning feeling mirrored by the characters themselves.

It’s a really clever premise that takes place in the modern world but implements the canon universe in the form of the book that Adora’s writing that ties back to her and Catra’s shared childhood. The way that aspects of the show were revamped into this fic are so creative and I just....ugh. LOVE.

This fic also has a oneshot compilation that takes place after the events of the final chapter which is currently ongoing and I HIGHLY suggest checking that out as well once you’ve finished this. 

The sister fic for those interested: she’s god (and I found her) (O) [T] ~40,000 words

2. The Devil Is In (The Details) by SeasInkarnadine (O) [M] ~58,000 words

TW: Graphic Depictions of Violence, child abuse, emotional abuse, use of recreational drugs, Major Character Death

@seasinkarnadine

This is a really great fic where Adora is an undercover cop who sidles her way into one of the largest gang syndicates to bust whoever killed Hordak, a big gang leader and drug trafficker, whose death was originally ruled as an accidental overdose. Her and Catra (one of the gang members) both know foul play was involved and work together to figure out the truth.

The dynamics between these two is so casual and hilarious but still has those gut-wrenching moments that really ground you and realize that their relationship is dysfunctional on a few levels. The exploration of Adora’s conflicting feelings towards Catra hurt in such a good way as she realizes that she does genuinely care for Catra, but also is aware that what she’s doing will eventually screw her over and land her in jail. It’s the best kind of underlying angst and I highly recommend it.

Another really great selling point that I particularly love is that Adora is deaf in this AU and the author really shows this in such a realistic and natural way that shows she really knows what she’s talking about. It makes the dynamic between the two even more interesting considering that Catra also knows sign language which give the two a lot of moments of mutual understanding that doesn’t extend to the other characters. It’s something that the two of them have that’s sort of just for them to be on that level of understanding and it’s so great.

Also, Morgan is just a great writer in general and I highly suggest checking out more of her stuff (her art too!). She’s one of the writers I’ve looked up to since my beginning days in the fandom and it’s still amazing seeing all the great stuff she puts out.

3. Skinny Love by Maychup (O) [M] ~100,000 words

TW: past child abuse

@maychup

Another staple of big fics in the catradora fandom but for good reason. This fic is a wonderful exploration of events taking place after S1 illustrating Catra & Adora’s relationship in a different path that the rest of the show takes. It focuses heavily on their past experiences with each other and how that affects their current situation being on opposite sides of the war. 

This fic is older, published just after S1, so canon divergence is an important aspect of its build. But the way the story is written is so beautiful and grounded that it’s still interesting even now knowing what really happens in the show. 

Their dynamic is kind of back-and-forth, with Catra figuring out what Adora means to her and vice versa and where the two of them want to go from that point. It has so many sweet moments and steamy ones as well (btw, there’s a lot of smut) and the exploration into each of the character’s pysches is so compelling and intriguing.

4. Faded With Feelings by yesimgay (F) [T] ~24,000 words

TW: recreational drug use

This was such a cute, short multi-chap fic. It’s a bit older but I think it’s still one of my top faves. 

A modern au, Catra & Adora are roommates post-college and trying to make their way in the adulting world. Catra has ADHD and smokes weed to help with that. One day Adora accidentally eats a couple of her edibles and cute shenanigans ensue. And that’s just the first two chapters.

The rest of the fic goes on to the girls figuring out their feelings for each other, especially Adora who, in this case, isn’t really sure of her sexuality. All-in-all, a really cute fic that’s a nice break from all the angst that typically saturates the fandom.

5. Chasing the Spotlight by holymountain (?) [T] ~20,000 words

This is an AU where Adora is hired to be Catra’s, a pop singer, bodyguard. There’s so many cute moments in this, though admittedly it’s been about 6 months since it’s last updated so be sure to keep that in mind.

6. we’ve been making shades of purple out of red and blue by darklady21 (?) [t] ~24,000 words

An “and they were ROOMMATES” au. In this one though, Catra and Adora don’t actually know each other and really only get to know each other over time. It’s cute and has a lot of interesting interactions between the two, but it hasn’t updated in about 7 months.

7. Tuning Out by FaiaHae (?) [T] ~2500 words

I actually really loved the whole concept of this fic but it hasn’t updated in like, an entire year so...only read if you’re okay with the fact that it probably won’t ever be finished haha

8. burnt sugar by jeserai (O) [G] ~11,000 words

@jeserai

Oh god YES this fic. The classic “fake dating” au except Catra is a rich kid inheriting a business who essentially hires Adora, a broke college student, to go on a date with her to this big business function. There’s not a lot to say about it other than that without giving too much away, but the fic is about halfway done at this point so it’s a pretty short read as of now.

Just be warned, it’s currently on a MASSIVE cliffhanger so if you wanna wait until it updates I totally understand lol

9. still waters by summerson (O) [M] ~28,000 words

TW: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, self harm

A “The Last of Us” AU. Personally, I’m not super familiar with TLOU because I could never get into the game myself, but this fic is so well done and the writing style is so interesting and well-executed that I still love this fic to bits. But obviously, for those of you who are aware of TLOU, you already know that this fic is going to contain quite the fair share of angst so be ready.

10. Whispering Dreams by dragonesdepapel (F) [T] ~7500 words

It’s been awhile since I’ve read this one so I don’t remember everything, but I do remember really enjoying the writing style and the construction of this fic. It’s a short read, but it’s totally worth it

11. please could you be tender by erce3 (F) [G] ~40,000 words

@figbian

please please PLEASE go read this fic. I’m actually begging y’all to go read this one I loved it so much it’s still one of my top 10 faves out there.

This fic is set in a modern setting where Adora & Catra were childhood friends and are in college and god it’s just SO. GOOD. The writing style and composition of the flashbacks with the present events is so beautifully done and organized and I really cannot hype this fic up enough GO READ IT

12. buried a hatchet (it’s coming up lavendar) by erce3 (O) [G] ~12,000 words

on the note of that last rec, I highly rec their other work which is currently in progress. It takes place after S3 but it’s an exploration on if Catra and Adora got trapped in the portal instead of Angella and FUCK this person is genuinely amazing go read their stuff

13. Senior Year by SimplyAbsolute (O) [E] ~98,000 words

@simplyabsolute

This is a really cute fic about Adora and Catra in their final year of college and I guess for me personally it really just hits hard because I’m also in my final year of college lol. But really, it’s a great fic and I suggest checking it out. It’s actually only got one more chapter left too so it’s almost done!

14. Assassinating Adora by Wicked42 (F) [T] ~13,000 words

@wicked-42

TW: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Jeez this fic was a real rollercoaster of emotions. I loved every bit of it. 

Basically, some people try to assassinate Adora and Catra stops one of them, but both girls are still inflicted by the poison and....it just gets crazier from there. Don’t wanna spoil it too much but this is a must-read for sure.

And this one may seem like cheating but I’m gonna plug one of my own multi-chap fics here

15. Pure Feeling (O) [T] ~30,000 words

TW: brief mention of sexual assault in Ch 5

This is a modern AU set after all the kids have been out of college for a few years. 

Adora and Catra were childhood friends but ended up drifting apart and falling out during their college years. Fast forward about 6 years and they run into each other again, except now Adora has a daughter and is struggling to balance her life as a single mother. Overtime the two girls work on rebuilding their friendship and somewhere along the way might even realize that they’re feelings for each other never really went away. But of course, like all things in life, this isn’t an easy process and they run into more than a few complications - internal and external.

One Shots:

(there’s so many of these I’ve loved so I’m really going to try and narrow it down to about 10. If yours didn’t make it, no offense! I just have WAY too many to include and this post is already so long haha)

1. The Interlude That Never Ends by FMLClexa [M] ~2500 words

TW: Major Character Death, brief mention of sexual assault

Okay I’m gonna be honest: If you ignore all the other fics on this list, READ THIS ONE. This is absolutely my #1 favorite without a doubt. It’s a soulmate/reincarnation au and it’s so wonderfully executed that I honestly cannot even begin to tell y’all how much I love this one. It’s old and one of the first fics I ever read, but it’s so timeless and excellent and I promise you won’t regret reading it. I know I’ve read this about a million times over.

It’s been a whole year and this has held my #1 fave position the entire time. READ. IT.

2. after party by summerson [M] ~2000 words

TW: recreational drug use

God this fic was so great I read it last night and I’m still in awe in how well it was written and the emotions it managed to invoke in me. My favorite scene is the part where Catra tells Adora “I love you” because it’s so raw and desperate and I vibed with it so hard. It’s really difficult trying to tell someone how much you love them with just a few simple words because they really just don’t convey how much you love them and it’s so frustrating and GAH this fic was fucking great please read it.

3. jigsaw by jeserai [G] ~2500 words

@jeserai

This fic is so great and I felt so warm inside reading it. Definitely read if you want sweet, slow friends to lovers burn.

4. Vicious by SeasInkarnadine [M] ~3500 words

TW: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Rape/Non-Con

I really highly recommend this one if you can get past the trigger warnings. It was so well written and very suspenseful with the juxtaposition of the timeline between current events and snippets of what had happened just hours before. But the ending is really sweet and the way that Catra cares for Adora after the whole thing squeezed my heart to pieces.

This is one I’ve read a few times over because of how much I love it. Def in my top 3.

5. Basement by spookyscaryskeletons [G] ~2800 words

This was such a great rendition of “Adora and Catra are forced to talk” and the emotions were raw and bleeding and I love the character portrayals. 

6. Coming Apart by Whorls [E] ~13,000 words (or ~6,000 words each chap)

@crazy-pages

Okay this fic technically has two chapters but I’m including it here in the oneshots because the chapters are identical in the sense of story but the only difference is that in chapter one Catra is a cis woman and in chapter two she’s a trans woman pre-op. Other than that the chapters are identical so it’s mostly based off which experience you would rather have while reading.

This fic was. So. Fucking. Good. Sen did such a fantastic job with both aspects of this story and I love it to bits and pieces. The smut in the beginning is delicious as can be, but then towards the latter half it absolutely sucker punches you with feelings but in a good way. I really, really fucking love this fic and I think it needs more attention than it initially got so I’m imploring you all to please go read this fic. It’s fantastic.

7. Seconds That I Cannot Replace by Mogatrat [M] ~7800 words

TW: child abuse, underage(?)

This is a really heartbreaking fic set before canon. It’s about all the times that Catra and Adora started a romantic relationship only for Shadow Weaver to come in and ruin everything by constantly erasing and resetting Adora’s memory. I still think about this fic from time to time. Give it a go.

8. Come morning light by dragonesdepapel [T] ~1800 words

TW: Major Character Death

Another one that’s technically two chapters but it’s the same events, just covers the perspective of each girl. Adora’s dying and asks Catra to stay with her.

Basically this fic ripped my heart out and I still think about it sometimes.

9. someone you like by caela [T] ~5100 words

oh fuck me yes this fic. A modern au where Catra sorta stalks Adora on instagram and accidentally likes an old picture. Fluffiness galore.

10. When You Came Calling by ActuallyMe [E] ~5200 words

TW: Major Character Death

A 1940′s Mob AU where Catra is a private eye and Adora married high-ranking mob boss Hordak...who’s just been murdered.

Really great one shot. Personally I would’ve loved to see more come of this but it’s great on its own.

And once again, this is cheating but here’s a couple oneshots of my own that I wanna plug real quick

11. hang tight (all you) [T] ~9200 words

Modern AU fic set when Catra and Adora are in high school. Adora struggles to come to terms with her sexuality in an discouraging environment as well as the fact that she’s had a crush on her best friend since middle school. Personally I think this was one of my best works and a lot of other people seem to have liked it too so yeah!

12. as my World d[ivides] [E] ~2500 words

TW: Rape/Non-Con, Underage

One of my darker fics, but still one I’m pretty proud of. Without giving too much away, Adora suffers from a trauma and engages in unhealthy coping mechanisms and Catra enables her because no one’s taught them any different.

[fiction-in-my-blood]

Switching Sides: Part 2 (HLITF)

Aaaannndddd once again I would LOVE to thank my girl @theshove for being my editor in chief and making my writing reach a HIGHER level I could never reach without your help. Thank you so much for making sense of my poorly grammar-ed sentences haha. 

Also, if anyone possibly wants to get on a tag list I’d be happy to make one 

👉👈

If you wanna catch up, Part 1 is right here! Happy reading :)

Premise: Growing up in a life of crime in a Japanese mafia, Atsuko Motomori has seen enough injustice to last her a lifetime. To try and give back to the universe her family has taken so much from, she dreams of being a detective from a young age. Her twin, sharing her disgust for her father and many uncles, just wants an ordinary life away from the crime, paing and suffering. Instead, she wants to be in the spotlight with the soft notes she makes with her cello. In their escape of 2015, on their coming of age birthday, they must split ways, never to be together ever again. If one was found, they didn’t want the other dragged down with them. Atsuko, having changed her name and appearance as best she can without a scalpel, sets off to start her life of car chases and arrests.

Four years in a seemingly dead-end police station in the middle of nowhere, being passed over time after time for promotion, Atsuko finally gets a shot at her dream, having been sent to an academy for the best candidates in the country by her boss who had always kept an eye out for her. After discovering her boss may have made her bite off more than she could chew, Atsuko must become the slave of a dominating instructor!? Who so just happens to be the captain of the most famous police unit in Japan? Not to mention a total knockout! Will Atsuko finally achieve her dream? Or will her new instructor put her through the wringer?

Warnings: Language, reference to sexual activity/forceful nature.

~~~~~~

‘A servant? Did he confuse that with a full-time aid?’ I tried to reason with his wording of my job title. As the room was lit by the setting sun and filters out into the corridor, I stood there in silence, thinking about what I'd just gotten myself into.

"Motomori, who will you partner with?" Ishigami closed the book of names and held it under his arm, keeping a close eye on how I was reacting. Letting my eyes meet each one of the detectives' before me, I took in a deep breath to calm my nerves. 

"Instructor Kaga, please," I announced. Although he seemed the most stern out of all the men, I took that as a sign of someone worn away by his experience. Which only meant there was more to learn from him. Right?

The announcement of my choice of instructor led Shinonome to laugh at my bravado. "Now that's something. Choosing Hyogo is pretty fitting for our little overachiever." The youngest instructor couldn't help but sound amused as the man I had chosen showed a concerned expression. As he looked me up and down, I stood with more confidence than I really had. 

After the Captain's silent review of me, Ishigami progressed through the other pairings. I glanced at Kaga and saw him taking a phone call. "Yeah... I'll take care of it." With his back turned to me, I only heard a minuscule amount of the conversation. 

"Kaga, you'll be going after this person." When the other Captain tried to hand over a folder, which I was sure had the case we should be working on inside, Kaga continued his conversation while pointing in my direction. He told Ishigami to give me the folder holding the information we'd need for the undercover assignment. 

"These are documents for the instructor." Ishigami frowned, obviously tired of Kaga's dismissiveness. Kaga begrudgingly took the folder before thrusting it into my chest. 

"Read it." He demanded and then finished his phone call. 

"I'm sure you understand, but-" Ishigami was cut off by Kaga crossing his arms. 

"I understand perfectly well." His mood seemed to worsen as the two talked. They continued to bicker as the rest of the instructors watched. I'm sure it was difficult to butt in on the Captains' discussions. 

"Squad leaders should get along..." Shinonome frowned as we watched, me not knowing what else to do except just stand there. 

"These two will go as far as a fistfight." Instructor Soma's comment made me worry that all the expensive equipment in this room would be damaged if someone didn't intervene soon enough. When Soma directed a question to Goto to see if he agreed, the messy-haired man just stood there in silence. 

"I can hear all of you." Kaga scowled as he took a cigarette out of his suit pocket. I knew smoking wasn't allowed in the building, having seen the signs next to most of the doorways, however I decided it best not to make him aware. ‘I mean, he has worked here longer than me.’

‘He is the freaking instructor, Atsuko.’ The voice in my head made me want to metaphorically face-palm. It was clear just by the way the instructor stood he didn’t care much for rules or regulations. 

"Don't get in my way." As he walked towards the door, Kaga made what sounded like a threat to me. 

"Didn't even think about it." I forced a smile, knowing full well he would likely trample over me if I took even a step out of line. If I was going to learn from this man, I would have to watch what he did instead of asking questions. 

"What're you standing around for? Come." Turning back to where I had been standing, I woke myself up from the pit of despair I had thrown myself into. 

‘What did you think was going to happen?’ I quickly followed as he gestured me over with a jerk of his head. 

~~~~~~

Sitting in the Captain's car, I couldn't help but feel anxious with the silence that thickened the air. According to the file given to us by Ishigami, we had to infiltrate a beach bar... But we were heading in the opposite direction from the sea. We were driving downtown. 

"Umm, sir, the file says the destination is-" Kaga, once again, cutting somebody off mid sentence. 

"Shut up," he spat, taking me aback with how rude he was. 

‘I guess that ‘scum’ comment wasn't too out of character for him, then’ I thought, stricken into silence but sighing on the inside. I turned to gaze out the window, praying that I could get through the day without being caught out for being inferior to what my file suggested. 

~~~~~~

When we stopped, I found myself inside a love hotel. My heart raced with worry, recognising the name as a brand my father ran when I was still living at home. He was a gang leader. With a strong mafia at that. He had his dirty little fingers in every industry that had some form of shady business going on. It's what made me hate him so much. The things he did, the things he made me watch, it's what made me want to become a detective. I wanted to pay the universe back for all the bad stuff he had done, and maybe one day find the evidence to arrest him. God knows, the police he had under his claws and henchmen doing his dirty work had delayed that for long enough. 

We made our way to the room booked for us, or, more aptly, for Kaga. Meanwhile, I tried to hide my face from the receptionist as discreetly as I could, not wanting them to somehow recognise me. Even though I did my makeup differently from when I was younger, had dyed my hair black from its original brown, dressed differently and even held myself differently, there wasn't much else I could do to change my appearance without making it trackable. I couldn't get surgery because then I would be in the government system; I know, somehow, they'd be able to track me, even if the profile I had now was completely different. 

"Hey, um... What're we doing here?"  I asked as I closed the door behind me, the eeriness of the red room making my eyes dart around for any hidden cameras or listening devices. I remembered my father telling me about all the politicians he had on tape and all the people he’d bribed with that information.

"I'm pretty sure I said shut up." Kaga spat, also inspecting the room. I frowned at his rudeness and flipped the switch that turned on the electricity for the room. All the lights went out, causing Kaga to spin around and glare at me in the darkness.

"Don't you know what your position is? Don't interfere." His frown deepened as he stormed back to where I was standing. He was obviously offended I had turned off the lights. 

"Love hotels are famous for secret cameras. They're turned on when the electricity switch is flipped. I thought you wouldn't want to risk getting caught." I smiled up to him with a spiteful thought hidden behind it. ‘This guy…’

Probably annoyed with how much sense my statement made, Kaga turned back to the centre of the room. ‘Is he really that easily annoyed?’ I chuckled to myself, not wanting to be reprimanded for intentionally frustrating my instructor.

The two of us were now alone in a dark room with nothing but a bed and mirrors on the ceiling. Not to mention a love hotel. I was painfully aware of what the room represented and everything that had ever happened in it due to the stillness in the air with the air-con off. Memories of what my father encouraged my sister and I to do in our youth flashed back, causing me to shake them out of my head. 

"Why're you so nervous?" Sitting on the large bed, Kaga raised his brow at me while I stood awkwardly away from him. I could see a concerned look on the Captain's face as he brought me back to earth. I could tell he wasn't concerned about my feelings, but rather about how naive and stupid I must seem. I didn't want to walk any further into the establishment than I had to, so I stuck my ground. 

"N-No reason." I grew shy, knowing I had no connection to my past life on my file and not wanting him to have a clue to think I would. 

"Oh?" A mischievous grin grew on my instructor's face and my senses heightened. With that, Kaga grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me down onto the bed aggressively. Even though he was only holding my wrist, I struggled to move. My heart began to race in fear of what he was trying to do. Growing up with the most erratic people as guardians, I didn't want to guess what his plan was. 

"This morning was totally screwed up, thanks to you." He frowned down at me, that same demeaning look conveyed on his surprisingly handsome face. You would never guess his personality was as cruel as he was if it wasn't for the eternal crease between his brows. Feeling the anxiousness of an expected punishment, my breath gets caught in my throat. 

"How do you plan on making it up to me?" His grin returned as he held my wrists harder than necessary. Despite the smirk, his eyes were cold and expressionless. There was no way I was going to allow what he was insinuating to happen, so I pushed against his hands with all my might while somehow snaking my foot high enough to push on his stomach. 

However, before I could attempt to catapult him off, he covered my mouth with his hand. I looked at him like he was crazy, but because I hadn’t done much training lately, I couldn’t push him off me.

"Don't talk." He hissed, rising up from being inches away from my face. Then, I saw him pull something from my ear. It was an earpiece, making me wonder when he was able to put it there, not to mention without my knowing it was there. "This will make for a huge amount of evidence." He explained to himself. My mind, already in disarray, went into a confusion like no other. "It was worth the effort of getting it on." He looked at me suggestively as I sat up with unsure thoughts. 

‘So... He didn't lead me here for something worse?’ My brows furrowed as I thought back to the moments leading up to this, embarrassed and angry that I thought it would come to that. It was concerning to see his demeanour change from what I just saw to the victorious look on his face. He looked down at me, still sitting on the bed with a dejected expression, seemingly noticing my staring. 

"What're you just sitting there for?" He laughed at my appearance, my apprehension rising due to how laid back he was. Maybe it was because of where I was, but I was more sensitive to the casual restriction he just put me in. I looked away, not wanting to say something I'd regret. 

Then, I felt him leaning over me and I quickly turned my gaze back to him. I panicked. His face was nearer than I expected it to be as he jerked forward. I jumped back, the memories of intimidation tactics used on me before resurfacing from my past. 

"Did you really think I was being serious earlier?" He almost laughed at the notion. "Unfortunately for you, I don't have any problems with women." He inched closer again and it took everything in my being to not smack that pretty face of his. If I assaulted a detective, I would be expelled from the academy and likely arrested. Not to mention the scene it would cause being dragged out of here. "I'm not so desperate that I'd go after some inexperienced brat." He smirked before getting up from the bed, talking to me like I was the idiot. 

"What did you bring me here for..." Having had the time to understand that I would be safe and de-escalate my anger, I quickly regathered myself and straightened my back. "...If not for my training?" Looking at his suited back, I started to think back to why I was actually here. 

"I've got more important things to do than that useless nonsense." He explained spitefully. 

‘Then why become an instructor?’ I scowled to myself, knowing full well this man had no intention of teaching anyone anything. 

"Well, thanks to you so boldly choosing me, I pulled off some undercover work." He turned with another victorious smile. I was frozen silent, not knowing what would come out of this intimidating man's mouth next. Then, he pulled out his cellphone. 

"It's me. Yeah... the bug was a success. I've got enough evidence, so I'm withdrawing. You keep on going, sneak in and stay on the guy's tail." When he ended the call with his subordinate, the Captain quickly headed for the door. I was still frozen, trying to calm my racing heart from the panic I was in before.

"What're you doing?" Kaga turned back to me. "Staying?" My gaze darted up at the horrifying idea. 

"If you are, go search the room next door. Make sure you come back here." At the mere notion of real detective work,. Before I could say a thing, the frowning returned. 

"Too bad. You're not ready." The curt response was a deep cut to my confidence. Searching a room for anything fishy was probably one of the only things I came to the academy being able to do. But, before I could speak my piece, Kaga turned and left. 

~~~~~~

By that night, the long, rigorous day had completely worn me out; I'm sure my classmates also fared the same. I arrived at the dorms the academy made us stay in and threw myself onto my couch. ‘Could Kaga's mission possibly be for an investigation on my father?’ I thought back to where the excursion took place and the idea made my heart flutter. For years I had wished and prayed for retribution for all the wrong-doings my father and his goons had accomplished. The thought of his vicious crimes being aired out like dirty laundry brought a smile to my weary face. 

Getting off the comfortable couch, I retrieved a box from under my bed. It was small and light; there wasn't much in it. I opened it to find loads of old photographs. Some of them were heartwarming: my twin sister and I playing around or hugging each other. 

But, I’d only put them in there to hide what I was really storing: Pictures of crime scenes my father had left out in our living room or secluded garden. I once caught him in the act; that photo was in there too. I had an old tie with blood on it. A passport with a different identity than I had registered into the academy with. My mother's ring was knocking around in there somewhere. 

I hardly knew my mother. There are no pictures of us together and no one talked about her after she left us. The ‘family’. She couldn't take what my father and his ‘brothers’ did any longer and ran away, leaving her two daughters behind. I'm pretty sure she's dead now. Otherwise my father would have found her at some point. 

I came to realise that soon before my 18th birthday that my father didn't really care about us; he just wanted a lineage. So, I somehow convinced my sister to run with me. I assured her that I had a plan that would get us the lives we wanted for a little while. I had trained to go on the run; my father taught me all the techniques the cops used to track fugitives. That, along with a little help from a friend from my youth judo club, was all I needed to get us new identities and places to live. It wasn't easy at first, having to split from the person you had literally been with since birth. But, it was the only way to ensure one of us would be safe if the other was caught. 

It was also difficult to work up a good enough resume to get myself into the police force. The name Atsuko Motomori had never existed before four years ago. It was risky to lie about the qualifications I had when, in my past life, I never gained any. I was homeschooled to ensure I wouldn't be coaxed away by true, lawful policemen investigating my father or my ‘uncles’.

Looking through these memories and reliving my awful excuse for a childhood, I happily remembered why I was condemning myself to this place and people like Captain Kaga. I wanted to make sure my sister and I would be safe. And the only way I could do that was by locking them all up for the rest of their lives.

As I mulled over the bloody scenes within the box, I heard a knock at my door. I jumped, not used to company, and knocked the box off my lap. 

"Crap!" I whispered to myself, trying to clear everything away as quickly as possible. 

"Who is it?" I called out after collecting most of the contents, having double-checked the area for any compromising pictures. 

"Atsuko~! I come with food!" The cheery voice of my only female ally chimsed from the other side of the door. 

"Naruko, what're you doing here?" I questioned while opening the door. The food she was trying to bribe me with was a pack of potato chips and a soda from the vending machines downstairs. 

"I'm pooped, so I thought you might be even more worse off." The bubbly attitude helped her push herself into my dorm room. 

"You're not wrong there." Happy to have some form of womanly friendship after so many years of trying to keep to myself, I lazily followed her to the couch. 

"So how was it with the Satan reincarnate?" She giggled to herself, lowering her voice at the insulting part of her question. Maybe she feared he would hear her. I wouldn't be surprised if they had us under surveillance to see what we did after hours. Or if the Captain had supersonic, selective hearing. 

"It was... an experience." Trying to keep up my half of the deal I made with my instructor, I put on a tired smile. Kaga promised to pass me if I didn't tell anyone he had bunked the undercover training. 

"You want a drink? I think I've got some tea somewhere." Quickly attempting to change the subject, I wandered off to the small kitchenette in the corner of my room. 

As I prepared the beverages, Naruko spoke up out of nowhere. 

"Oh, Atsuko, what's this?" She called out and my blood ran cold. ‘Did I miss a picture? Was it something possibly incriminating?’ Wild thoughts circulated my brain at the possibility of getting caught. Having gory images of dead men stored away in my room wouldn't be easily explained. 

Hesitantly, I turned with a questioning smile, just waiting for her to let out some form of horror or disgust. Instead, though, I found her looking at an old polaroid photo with a loving smile. 

"You didn't tell me you had a sister!" She asked and I cocked my head, glancing at the image she waved at me. It was of my sister and I, building sandcastles on a beach when we were kids. My heart stopped as I remembered the scene.

That picture was of the day before my mother left. She had somehow convinced my father to let her take us out- which was a strange occurrence. Even if my father wasn't overbearing, which he definitely was, she didn't like going out much. It was summer and hot, and we would only annoy him, being locked in the house. I'm pretty sure I remembered at least three bodyguards surrounding our section of the sand, though.

I smiled at the painful memory, a happy one buried underneath so much hurt, and looked at the brown-haired girl with two short pigtails, dressed in a pink bathing suit. I don't think I've had a smile that big on my face in a long time. 

"Well, I, uh..." Not knowing how to respond, I just made noises. 

"She must be so proud of you for making it into this academy." She laughed and the statement only hurt me. 

"She's not really in my life anymore." I smiled sadly sitting next to her so I could look at the picture more in-depth. I could see a sliver of a man in a suit to the left of the picture's edge, closest to where I was, and something was slightly poking out of his waistband. To Naruko, it probably looked like a shadow of a tree or something less sinister than what it was, but it was likely one of the bodyguards with a gun hidden away. 

"O-Oh, I'm sorry, Atsuko." Naruko sounded so sad to hear I wasn't in contact with my sister anymore. We did look really happy in that picture. 

"Nah, it's alright. That's just how life goes." I took the picture from her and looked at it for a bit longer, concentrating more on my sister's face, even though it was an exact replica of mine, before slipping it through the crack between the lid of the box and the box itself. I didn't want my new friend catching a glimpse of anything in there.

"You sound so wise," Naruko giggled, maybe trying to help me feel happier again and lighten the mood.

"You make me sound like an old man," I laughed, jokingly hitting her arm like I was offended. 

"You shouldn't say such wistful things then." She laughed back as I headed back to the kettle to pour us some tea. 

We chatted for a little longer, mainly about what her training had consisted of, before Naruko went back to her room. Once she was gone, I sighed, glad that the picture she had found underneath my coffee table wasn't anything more frightening. Sliding the small box back under my bed, I began getting ready for a good night's rest. 

~~~~~~

Waking up the next day was... rough. Staying up later, thanks to Naruko, and the subconscious worry I’d because of what happened at the love hotel, I’d probably only got a few hours of sleep. 

‘Right, I have to get today right, at least’, I told myself, throwing my legs over the side of my bed. Ishigami already had it in for me because of the train situation - I'm sure all of the special instructors did - but I wasn't going to let that stop me from doing my best. ‘For us.’ Thinking back to the picture that had been found on my floor, I used that as encouragement to continue my life as though nothing had happened.

~~~~~~

In my first class, I could see Naruko already sitting down. She commented on how she hadn't seen me in the cafeteria for breakfast. "I wonder whose fault that is?" I playfully blamed her for making me wake up late. As we continued to chat mindlessly, I couldn’t help but think back to the limited facilities the academy had for women. ‘Well, at least the food and living quarters are good.’ 

"The real lectures are finally going to start today." Likely having it easier than I had yesterday, Naruko had a fire of ambition in her eyes. Luckily, our first class was in the classroom and not martial arts training, otherwise her passion might hurt someone. Our lectures consisted of a wide range of expert topics ranging from using tracking equipment to how to de-escalate a situation to undercover work. 

As we discussed what we would be studying here, the memory of how I was handled yesterday manifested on my wrists. I rubbed them, trying to get rid of the feeling of Kaga's hands. 

"Something wrong?" Noticing my anxiousness, Naruko peered into my face. As I told her “I’m fine”, she remembered how we never talked about my experiences yesterday. 

"I'm pretty sure I passed. If not, I don't think I'd still be here." I laughed off the subject, knowing how strict the instructors seemed to my friend. 

"Did you hear? Students who failed were severely punished." An uneasy expression laid itself on Naruko's face and I also started to feel sympathy for those that weren't as lucky as us. As we wondered about what the punishments were, Naruko got that grin she’d had during the ceremony yesterday. 

"I wonder what kind of punishment I would have gotten." The excited aura she was giving off only made a chill run down my back thinking about how much worse the Captain could be.

Intruding on my thoughts, the instructor delivering our lecture walked in and started the lesson. When it was over, I rushed to change into the attire I would need for our next bout of training on the grounds.

~~~~~~

As Naruko and I arrived on the pitch, everyone was lined up in front of Instructor Soma. He frowned at us, stating how late we were. "Sorry about that, Instructor. We took too long in the shower room." Maybe too casual with the man because of his usual laid back aura, we both bowed deeply. 

"Yes, there's no women's locker room, is there?" A small smile finally returned to his face as we rose again. "It's the first time, so I'll go easy on you. But, I won't go easy on you next time." Even though he looked kind, anyone could tell he didn't give any leeway. 

"There won't be a next time, sir," I replied rather confidently and the instructor almost seemed amused.

Naruko and I went to line up in the very back. The girl who couldn't seem to keep her feelings to herself whispered to me about how nice he seemed and how good looking he was. Thinking back to how Kaga treated me, I couldn't help but quietly agree. ‘There would definitely be no such leniency with him.’ I thought about all the awful punishments or torture methods the Captain could know as we continued our training.

Soma had us perform a fitness exam. We hadn't had a break since the class started when he called out my name to be tested. I stretched the pain out of my legs quickly, not wanting to cramp up. 

"Woah, Atsuko! You have a scary look in your eye!" Naruko, as tired out as I was, laughed nervously. You might say I was competitive. I would say I was trying to prove my worth to the classes of men who didn't think I belonged here. 

"Just tryna keep my head in the game." I jumped on my toes as the instructor called out my name again. "Coming!" 

Jogging over to him, I noticed that even the guys were looking visibly tired due to our endless training. I, on the other hand, although exhausted, had trained like this since I could walk. I was used to being able to hide the physical pain in order to not get shouted at for being weak. 

~~~~~~

For our last lecture of the day, feeling like I had been brought through the wringer, we all filtered into the Monitor Room. Maybe too nervous yesterday to get a good look at the room, I overheard my classmates gossiping about the surveillance equipment surrounding us. Not only were there cameras of the school grounds, but some screens showed destinations all over the country. 

"Don't you think just using this room would make for an easy investigation?" Overhearing one student comment, I couldn't help but agree. Knowing how much the pictures under my bed were worth, who knows how vital a video of a crime would be to an investigation. You just needed to be able to prove they weren't doctored. 

As the instructor lectured, I noticed Naruko resting on my shoulder. "Come on, Naruko. Just a bit longer." I shook her while keeping an eye out for anyone that might rat her out. 

"You can talk. You're a machine, Atsuko," she whined under her breath.

Suddenly, before I could laugh at her comment, another voice spoke up behind us. 

"Sasaki, go to the medical office if you're drowsy." Instructor Shinonome piped up and we both jumped to attention, having not felt anyone around us. Even though the man was grinning, there was something evil behind that childish face of his. 

"Ah! S-Sorry! I'm okay!" Naruko instantly woke up at the prospect of getting punished. 

"If anyone else wants to sleep, you can tell me. They put you through it on the first day, so I expect you're all tired." Shinonome's offer almost sounded like a chance to get us expelled. Or, it did to me anyway. Everyone else looked relieved at the kind sentiment. 

"Okay, that's all for today's class then. Great work everyone." A cheerful smile returned to his face as I eyed him suspiciously. The man I saw in the shower room on my first day was hidden under that friendly persona he had on. 

"Oh, right. Can those who I call stay after class for a moment?" And there it was! The not so innocent catch to his kind offer. Those who would be called were definitely being thrown to the wolves in order to save the rest of us.

As Shinonome began to read out the list, he directed his gaze to the monitor. He called out a few names before looking directly at me. "Lastly, Atsuko Motomori." His face had no note of malicious intent, however, I couldn't help but not trust it. As I gasped to myself, he dismissed our classmates. 

"Atsuko, what did you do?" Naruko whispered as our free classmates shuffled out around us. 

"I-I don't think I did anything?" I panicked, thinking back over the day, trying to find anything that could warrant me being reprimanded. Looking over to those also called, I could see they were just as nervous. Why were we the one's held back? 

‘Maybe... Kaga's mission was discovered?’ I couldn't help but wonder if we’d been caught as Naruko left me sitting where I was. 

"Don't be so nervous. I'm not going to get angry." The happy smile on Shinonome's face helped calm the others in the room. Even I was somewhat relieved by his words. "How were they? The lectures?" Directing his question at me, Shinonome looked over. 

"Educational! It's wonderful how good the facilities are." Trying to get on his good side, I didn't want to let myself look withered as I kept my voice light. 

"Well, the class seemed sleepy. Sasaki looked like she was nearly asleep." The comment didn't sit right with me, this being an elite academy and all.

"Well, as you said, they put us through it," I laughed, trying not to put Naruko in any deep water. 

"So, are you going to fall asleep on us as well? I'd have to punish you then." Shinonome cast me a look that probably didn't seem like anything to the other men in the room. But, to me, it seemed as untrustworthy as the rest of him. 

"Don't count on it." Not wanting to divulge my past of intense training, I just showed a soft smile. To be honest, I wouldn't mind a nap right now, but I wasn't going to admit that. The thought of any kind of punishment, which would likely be some form of harassment from him, had me on edge. 

"Too bad. I wonder if any students who I can have fun with will turn up soon?" His mischievous appearance reminded me of the look Kaga gave me yesterday and my eyes darted away. Even though Shinonome seemed actually happy and there was no emotion in Kaga's eyes, the concept of teasing made me uneasy. 

‘It's scary how he can talk like that and still smile.’ I thought about how his words didn't match the expression as the doors of the Monitor Room opened again. 

Throwing my gaze to the door, I watched Ishigami, Goto and Soma make their way inside. "You're all immediately going to be assigned as student aides to the instructors." Ishigami didn't miss a beat as all attention landed on him. 

"Simply put, you'll help the instructors file documents, prepare lectures and such," Soma added, helping the confused students out. I was shocked. I hadn't done anything special to get me a close position to any of the instructors, let alone have to deal with their grunt work. "Since we must continue our normal duties as Public Safety officers while we teach, we won't always have the time." With that comment, I finally understood why Kaga would agree to become an instructor- so he wouldn't have to do any of the work if he had a capable enough aide. I pitied the person that would have to undertake that role. 

"This is good experience, so although it will be difficult, we ask that you try." The encouraging words from Soma were much more trustworthy to me than Shinonome's slightly eerie ones. 

"Each instructor will get a full-time aide. Following the instructors will be an important role." Goto, as blunt as he had been at the introduction ceremony, crossed his arms as he stared down at all of us. Somehow, the silence that followed was more anxiety invoking than anything Shinonome could say. Soma was right, though. Being so close to an instructor all the time would be a perfect learning opportunity. 

"We will now announce the aides," Ishigami announced, retrieving his clipboard once again. "Instructor Kaga's aide will be Atsuko Motomori." The Captain was as stoic as ever as he read out the list. I, on the other hand, couldn't be more shocked. ‘Kaga seemed so annoyed by even my mere presence yesterday, why would he want me as an aide? He already thinks I'm a screw up because of the train incident.’ 

"What?" Ishigami glared at me as he heard my wordless gasp. 

"Nothing, sir. Sorry." I bowed my head in embarrassment of drawing attention to myself as I pondered over the events in the love hotel that could get me the chance to become an aide. ‘Is it because I chose him yesterday?’ I panicked, thinking back to the misplaced bravery I’d had when picking an instructor.

"Isn't this a good thing? You're one of the few to come back with him safely." Ayumu smirked at my worrisome state. ‘The only reason I was safe is because he didn't actually train me. There was no chance to get in harm's way. Except for the possible fallout of someone recognising me.’ 

"Shinonome, refrain from talking." Ishigami quickly progressed through the list of aides. Once he finished, he turned to me once again. He explained that Kaga was on an investigation mission and that I should go see him when he gets back. I hesitantly agreed, glad to have the time to prepare myself while he was out working. Unlike our permanent instructors, the guys from Public Safety weren't always around, which is probably why they need the help. 

As we were dismissed, I tried to remind myself what a good learning opportunity this could be.

~~~~~~

When the time came to see Instructor Kaga, as Shinonome had told me back in the Monitor Room, I headed to their staff room.

"Excuse me." I knocked on the door before opening it to find an office-like space. Kaga was sitting at one of the many chairs at the large table in the centre of the room. I stood in front of him in order to introduce myself. 

"I'm Motomori. Starting today I will be serving as your full-time aide." Straight-backed and trying to not look uncomfortable under his discerning gaze, I explained why I dared talk to him. 

"Oh?" His brows frowned, once again judging me for all I was worth. 

"I just came to let you know Instru-." However, before I could blame Ishigami for sending me here, I was interrupted.

"A full time aide?" He even seemed to ponder the idea before flat out rejecting me. "Useless, I have no need for an aide, so go." His blunt response threw me off a little. To be honest, I was surprised he didn't unenthusiastically jump at the idea for someone else to do his work. Losing the optimistic view of this assignment, I tried to explain that it had already been decided. 

"Don't need it." He quickly interrupted me again before turning his back on me. "Tell Ishigami for me," was the final thing he said before expelling my presence from the room.

~~~~~~

‘That was rougher than I thought it was going to be,’ I thought as I stood in the hallway, looking at the door signed 'Staff Room'. ‘But, I can't afford to back down here.’ More afraid of what Ishigami would say than what Kaga could do, I raised my fist to knock on the door. 

After hearing no reply, I began to get desperate. "Instructor, please!" I call out, not wanting to go back to Ishigami empty-handed.

"Shut up." The door flew open and there's Kaga, glaring down at me. The sudden action made me jump out of my skin in the silent corridor. "Let me spell this out for you since you don't seem to get it." The oncoming lecture was apparent when I felt like he was going to start insulting me for being so persistent. 

"I have no need for some useless piece." 

I won't lie, that statement struck home. The whole 'chessboard' way of thinking about people lower than you was exactly how my father treated us. I once confronted him about my mother's disappearance and all he could say was "she didn't know how to play the game. She's useless to us if she doesn't want to compete." That wording was something I never understood. How were you supposed to lead anyone if you didn't think anyone less than you was capable enough? 

As I thought about Kaga's statement, I tried to ignore the relation to the man who raised me. "If you give me a chance, I'm sure it'll get Ishigami off your back. He'll only complain to you if I go back to him now." I tried to reason with the side of him that hated his Captain counterpart and a wave of irritation flashed through his face. "I can do anything! I can file for you. I'll even do chores. Please!" I begged, hoping I was getting through to him. Maybe the idea of a maid would make him reflect on the idea. Then, he finally looked at me without that concerned expression. 

"Anything, you say?" He looked me up and down as I agreed, not thinking about the consequences of those words. Then, he narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth. 

"You can be my servant." The growing smirk on his face made me a little uneasy. It was that same grin of victory he’d showed when he’d collected the evidence from the love hotel. 

"Excuse me?" Was all I could utter out to ensure I’d heard him right. 

"You can be my full-time servant. How many times do I have to say it?" The disconcerting frown returned as his eyebrows creased together again.