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chrattenthusiast · 4 months

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hii can u do a smut femxmatt fic where they meet at a party and they like are kinda drunk and matt’s really flirty and touchy and they just end up fucking!! ty!!!

AN: yes but with a slight twist hope you aren't mad at me ;/ (This was inspired by a fanfic i read a while back, but i added a lil sprinkle) this is gonna be the last angsty smut I write for a while!!! the world is healing yay.

warnings: slightly rougher smut, alcohol, slightly toxic matt, not proofread, longish

AFTERPARTY - Matt sturniolo

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

Entering the house, you found it filled with a thick haze of smoke, and intoxicated individuals occupied every corner. Taking it all in, you absorbed the chaotic atmosphere of the house party.

You spot the drinks lined up on the kitchen counter smiling instantly, your face lit up with anticipation as you instinctively reached for two shot glasses, intending to share the experience with your friend. Carefully, you poured the potent liquid into the glasses, aware of the complex emotions it always evoked within you - a simultaneous blend of affection and unease.

Taking a swig of the shot, a wince breaks across your face as you taste the acrid burn. Your friend, mirrors your grimace. Yet, undeterred by the bitter flavor, they reach for the bottle, repeating the action twice.

The room erupts with loud cheers from the other end of the house, where a spirited game of beer pong is in full swing. You see the excitement in your friend's eyes, knowing just how competitive she is. Urging her to join in, it takes a little convincing, but you assure her that you'll be perfectly fine on your own.

You take a moment to observe your surroundings in the house after pouring yourself a generous serving of alcohol. You make a deliberate choice not to mix it with anything, recognizing that doing so might result in an unsightly aftermath the next day.

Your phone buzzes, and with a sense of urgency, you swiftly reach for it. As your eyes scan the text message and the identity of the sender, your eyebrows knit together in a perplexed expression.

Matthew: you look so good, but you should slow down.

The text message verified the sensation of being watched. Instantly, your eyes scanned the surroundings, desperately seeking the presence that had captured your attention. Instantly locking eyes with him, you found him in the midst of individuals with whom you had limited conversations with. His gaze lowered as he held a drink cradled in his hand. You observed him while his eyes traced every contour of your body. Gradually, he raised the cup to his lips, taking a sip, his gaze remained fixed on your face.

The agreement between both of you was to keep things uncomplicated, though you disliked deceiving the ones you cared about, but deep down, you cherished the moments alone with him, away from others imposing their opinions on your 'relationship.'

He thought differently however, he wasn't planning on telling anyone about the two of you- although he was close to telling his two brothers about it- he liked the arrangement between the two of you, sneaking around, but mostly he wanted to 'protect your peace', away from his world of a sane but crazy fan base- he loved how the both of you pretend to not know of each other in public. but in private you were his, the same girl that always found yourself tangled under him

The sudden awareness loomed, casting a shadow over the quickly consumed alcohol's impact, and a wave of jealousy welled up inside. It bothered you that he seemed calm and indifferent, apparently unaffected by your need to be near him all the time. As usual, you pushed these emotions down, steering clear of further complicating the already complex situation. Yet, despite your efforts, the persistent realization lingered that this arrangement might not end well. In hindsight, you recognized that you should have probably considered the options before agreeing to such an arrangement.

Taking a sharp breath, you tucked your phone back into the waistband of your skirt, purposefully ignoring his text. Opting for a rapid consumption of a mix of assorted alcoholic drinks, you winced at the disagreeable taste. Turning your focus to the right, you caught sight of a guy in your peripheral vision. It took a moment to recognize his face.

"Hi," he greeted the instant he realized your gaze had landed on him.

"Hey," you replied, aiming to keep the conversation brief while maintaining a sense of respect.

And, of course, Matt observed from a distance. Despite once being enthusiastically engaged in the conversation,He now leaned back, adopting a manspreading position nodding as though still interested in the ongoing discussion. However, there was a noticeable tightening of his grip on his phone.

You nodded your head, forcing a smile at the guy, giving the appearance of genuine interest in his conversation. However, deep down, all you craved for was to escape the confines of the house, retreat to your bed, and wallow in the misery of your self-destruction. The weight of how you'd once again managed to sabotage everything for yourself loomed heavily on your mind.

Your attention shifted to your friend, and you couldn't help but notice the wide smile on her face. It seemed she was genuinely pleased to see you stepping outside your comfort zone and engaging in a conversation with the guy, her grin widening when she observed his arm touching your waist. Matt, too, noticed her reaction. He had heard about her in the extensive conversations you shared with him, during those moments when he played with your hair, absorbing every word you uttered. You spoke of her with deep love and adoration, and silently, he harbored a resentment that you couldn't speak of him in the same way to her. He cherished the importance of loved ones, and selfishly, he hated that he wasn't on your list.

What he hated even more was how you didn't pull away from the guy's touch, especially when he left lingering squeezes, emphasizing his words—just like he would. His gaze remained fixed on both of you, observing as the guy incessantly carried on with his conversation. Your irritation grew, and the breaking point came when he flagrantly crossed the line by violating your personal space- and is left dumbfounded when you cut him mid way muttering a poor excuse- speed walking away from him.

You step into what seems to be a hallway, choosing the first door and entering a dimly lit, spacious bathroom. Your hands find their way to the edges of the sink, and you lean down, allowing the exhaustion of the events to wash over you. The bathroom door opens and shuts, prompting your eyes to snap toward the mirror. Instantly, you make eye contact with Matt.

Leaning against the bathroom door with lowered eyes, Matt takes in your appearance. His gaze is fixated on your skirt, noticing how it's slightly hunched up due to you leaning over the sink.

"you get my text earlier?" he asks, returning his gaze to your face.

"Yeah, I got it. I was pretty occupied, though," you reply, turning your body to face him

"yeah? I couldn't tell" he replies laced with sarcasm.

You nod in response, and he begins to walk toward you. Instinctively, you move backward, feeling your lower back hit the counter. His arms trap you on both sides, eliminating any distance between you.

"you avoiding me now? Is that what's happening?"He says, leaning down to meet you at eye level.

The close proximity makes it a bit challenging for you to breathe properly. So, you turn your head to the side, suddenly finding the patterns on the wall much more interesting, despising how calm and collected he appeared- how much control he has over your mind, despite numerous reassurances from him. You can't help but wonder if the only time you get to be intimate is away from others because you question whether he's more concerned about being seen with you than genuinely "protecting your peace."

"Stop that," he says, aware that your mind is racing at full speed.

Your eyes finally meet his gaze, and it's unclear how long the intense stare has lasted. Matt is the first to break eye contact, stepping back. His hands move to the bathroom lock, twisting the metal and securing it.

"Classic," you mutter, still grappling with your self-sabotaging thoughts.

"what was that?" he says

"we're not doing anything in here " you reply ignoring his question

"Who said we were going to? We're just having a conversation"

"you look pretty" he continues due to your silence

"yeah? I've heard" Confidently fueled by the liquor, You aimed to provoke him, fully aware that he had seen you talking to the guy. What added to the satisfaction was knowing he wasn't pleased that you entertained the conversation, you turn your body to face the mirror again. Purposefully grinding your ass against his groin, already feeling the hardness.

"You having a change of heart, I thought we couldn't do anything?" he says,pressing you further against the counter. The cold marble makes you shiver.

You tilt your head to the side as you feel his hands brush up against the back of your thighs, making their way to the skimpy material of your underwear, smiling once he felt how soaked you were

lifting the bottom of your skirt to rest on your lower back he delivers a harsh slap to your ass, making you smile at how quick he is to give you what you want.

His hands grab your hair, bunching it up and pushing it to the side. Sneaking his hands around your torso, he plants a kiss to the corner of your mouth.

" you want this? you gotta be quiet though might be hard for you huh " he snarked

"fuck you" you reply annoyed with his snarky comment

"yeah i'm sure you'd like that, now wouldn't you" he pulls you flush against his chest,placing a gentle kiss to your temple, his hand palming your wetness, making you lean further onto his chest, your head settling in the crook of his neck

"Always so needy for me aren't you sweetheart" he whispers causing you to meet his gaze through the mirror. "I got what you want right here" he adds pressing himself harder against you

he pushes your underwear to the side, circling your swollen clit causing you to grip the edges of the sink harder, his hands make his way to the small of your back wanting you to arch further into him.

His fingers part from your entrance, causing a whine to escape your lips at the lack of his touch, You hear the sound of his belt being undone, and that sound alone intensifies the warmth between your thighs. you look at him through the polished glass as his hands make his way to your ass, grabbing your backside spreading it apart slightly giving him a full view of your wetness.

He positions himself at your entrance, guiding the tip of his shaft along the slickness of your wetness in an up and down motion , all the while maintaining eye contact and loving the needy expression you wear.

You start to turn around to beg him to fill you, but your thoughts are abruptly interrupted as he thrusts himself completely inside you, your head falls back in sheer delight, finally experiencing the sensation you've yearned for throughout the past couple of weeks. his thrusts are soft wanting you to get used to him

At that moment, he withdraws entirely, leaving just the tip inside you and then thrusting fully inside you without any warning. This elicits small moans from your lips, pulling you closer to him, and his grip around your waist tightens. The pace of his thrusts quicken, and you make every effort to stifle any sounds

Your fingers brush against his hands wanting to gain stability and comfort from his touch with him plunging inside you, it's a pleasurable ache, so intense that tears well up in your eyes. His lips move to tenderly kiss the top of your head, seeking to reciprocate the affectionate touch you crave. He gently squeezes your waist. In that moment. This action alone prompts a recollection towards the person who did the same to you just minutes ago, and his gaze narrows toward that specific spot.

his grip on that spot hardens, causing you to slightly wince knowing that it'll bruise later, you turn to look at Matt, but his fingers grasp your chin forcing you to look at yourself taking everything he gave you, his grip never leaves your face and you moan at the change in pace. It was overwhelming. and a smile was plastered on his face at the way he was breaking you, leaving you dumbfounded

"do you know who you belong to " he asks, his cheek coming into contact with yours. his soft hair brushes against your skin, pushing himself deeper inside you

"You matt"

" You positive ? " he asks moving your head to look at him, forcing eye contact while his thrusts get sloppier but deeper,not slowing down his pace, the feeling in your belly worsens.

"yes I promise"

His hips thrust against your backside, and you instinctively tighten around him, wanting to avert your gaze from his compelling eyes. You resist giving in to the impression that he has complete control over you. However, you find it impossible to look away as his firm grip on your face prevents any movement. Your hands grip his arm in a pleading gesture, silently urging him to allow you to finally reach climax.

He hates how delicate and kind you are, feeling an overwhelming need to protect you from any potential harm. He hates that he might be the cause of your emotional distance, fueled by the fear that his lifestyle could be too much for you to handle.

"don't get all shy now, you were confident when you let him touch you remember?"

"I'm sorry," you respond immediately, but he knows you're not to blame. Despite not being officially together, he doesn't care; in his mind, you belong to him, and he's determined to prove it. His thrusts show no signs of slowing down, and your hands instinctively move to the back of his head for support, irregardless of the tight grip he has around you

"If you ever let another man touch you the way that I do, you'll pay. got it?" you nod unable to articulate a response as your mind remains blank.

"Say it"

"yes matt" you choked.

he attaches his lips onto yours, for the first time in weeks and it shows how much you've missed each other, it was rough enough to bruise your lips His hand releases its hold on your waist, finding its way to your neck, exerting subtle pressure. He teeth delicately tugs at the bottom of your lip before letting go of his grip, ultimately granting you the freedom to lean fully against his chest.

he leans his head against yours, wanting to be as close to you letting you relax for a second until he's back at it, his fingers make their way to your swollen bud. The most audible sob escapes your lips as his fingers trace in circular motions, gently pinching the swollen area with his thumb and pointer finger.

"fuck i c-cant matt"

“you’re taking me so well baby, just a little longer for me " he replies to your plea, grabbing your hips to push back against his length, Handling you firmly, his fingers persist in vigorously rubbing your bud in circular motions, You thrash around him, overwhelmed by the intensity, but his grip around you prevents any escape,

"tell me how bad you want it " he says slowing down his thrusts, wanting you to suffer a little as his fingers skillfully work around the sensitive area, making you pant with the pleasant sensation. You squirm in response, caught between the pleasure and the firm grip that holds you in place.

"Really bad matt please" You cry in frustration, mascara staining your cheeks as you let the tears fall.

"come for me sweetheart" he encourages

Without a moment's hesitation, you comply with his command, and you feel yourself release all over him messily, Matt's hands swiftly move to your mouth muffling your sounds.

"That's it baby let it all out for me "

Your grip around his shaft is so intense that his body can only endure so much. His arms envelop every available inch of your body as he grapples to suppress his own noises.

you feel his release fill you, mixed with yours slowly spilling out from inside you and the sight alone cause him to harden. He gazes at your disheveled appearance, giving you continuous slow thrust, that drag out your orgasm, with smudged mascara running down your eyes and tousled hair. you may feel like a mess, to him, you appear vulnerable, and he likes that.

"you okay?" he asks

you curse him inwardly for consistently diverting your focus from reality. Both of you understand that this unhealthy pattern could lead to a disastrous outcome if left unaddressed. If either of you could set aside fear and selfishness, the nights wouldn't be consumed by your overthinking and He wouldn't harbor resentment towards those who are able to openly express their affections for you.

"yeah, you okay?" you ask him

A chance to resolve the indifference between you two presented itself, and he silently contemplated the options. The desire to admit his true feelings for you lingered, but the overwhelming fear held him back. He acknowledged that one day he might gather the courage, but for now, he selfishly preferred to keep things behind closed doors. He knew that he was being selfish, yet the thought of having you in any capacity seemed preferable to the prospect of losing you completely. Yet again, what started as a complicated situation only deepened in complexity.

"yeah" he replies leaning his head against yours, as he began to pull out from inside you slowly.

He hurriedly dresses, securing his belt, you make your way to the door, preparing to unlock it. Just as you're about to, he gently grabs your arm, pulling you close and placing his hand on your waist. "Are we really okay?" he asks, searching your eyes with a mix of concern and longing.

"mhm, i'll see you around?" swiftly, you reply and proceed to unlock the door The grip Matt has on your waist loosens, and the subtle detachment tugs at your heartstrings, leaving a slow ache.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

taglist: @loveesiren @christinarowie332 @daddyslilchickenfingers @mangosrar @kenzieiskoolaid @sturnphilia @lucvly @recklesssturniolo @mattslolita @ratatioulle

#matt sturniolo smut #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo smut #sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo imagines #sturniolo fanfic

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still-a-morosexual-help · 2 years

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Mammon's such a fascinating character because canonically:

*good at solving complex mathematical problems in his head in a matter of seconds*

*understands people, their emotions and how they'd react to specific situations and uses that knowledge to manipulate them and get what he wants (whether that's some physical object or a certain reaction from them or just for them to calm down)*

*when there's no other choice at all, he steps up and effectively takes charge*

*a good teacher and seems to have a good balanced mix between being strict, encouraging and helpful*

*whenever Lucifer wants a job done well (no matter what the job is), he relies on Mammon (and has done so since they were angels)*

*scams usually work, he just tends to get caught at the end*

*came up with a code on the spot to tell MC he missed them while also being a comprehensible message on its own, that fit with his 'tsundere' personality*

*constantly found ways to sneak into the human world from the Celestial Realm*

*has fast and spontaneous reactions during high stake situations where you need to move/react fast*

*enjoys playing chess*

*can multitask well*

*actual emotional intelligence*

*one of the first brothers (the second?) to realise there was something wrong with Simeon*

*has a variety of skills that range from making balloon animals to fitting in seamlessly in a corporate environment*

*extremely hardworking when there's a goal he genuinely wants that he's working towards*

*when giving it his all he tends to pick up new skills easily*

*by his younger brothers' own admittance, he can do anything, complete any task and he can do it well as long as he puts effort into it*

But also canonically:

*had no idea what the fuck rent was*

*a shit liar*

*said "what if I accidentally tell MC I'm in love with them" to MC*

*constantly failing all his classes*

*easily falls for traps/curses*

*emotional intelligence fizzles out when it comes to talking about his own problems/admitting anything about himself*

*bet and lost their new house*

*managed to trick himself into believing he'd get a prize if he won a competition that Diavolo explicitly said there was no prize for*

*came up with a plan to win the competition in a matter of seconds, easily and constantly changing it to better fit the situation at hand. a plan that worked extremely well. lost the competition because he couldn't be bothered to check the title of a book*

Mammon's a character who'll break down and teach you PhD level Mathematics without breaking a sweat and then ask you what kind of animal the Pink Panther is in the next sentence.

I love him. I want to study him under a microscope.

What makes this even better is that I'm 100% sure his brothers have managed to gaslight the entire fandom into thinking he's the biggest fucking idiot alive with just the windows screensaver bouncing around in his head and nothing else

Don't get me wrong, he's a dumbass. He probably runs face first into a glass door at least once a week. But also....I mean....c'mon

In conclusion,

If you like Mammon, you're NOT a morosexual. You're a morosexual with a competency kink. Good Day.

On a side note, all of mammon's traits are like this,

*he's greedy but here's a long list of all the times he put his friends and family before money*

*he's a jerk but here's a long list of when he's one of the kindest people and an amazing brother*

*he's possessive but here's a long list of all the times he put mc's consent and/or choices above all else*

he drives me mad.

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white-sinner · 5 months

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the curtain opens on the side characters

Barbatos x male dancer reader

Smut

A/N:Hi everyone, I'm back! sorry for the absence but school kept me really busy but now the hard period is over so I can go back to posting💜

💚🍰💚🍰💚🍰💚🍰💚🍰💚🍰💚🍰💚

ok you two would be one of the nicest and most responsible couples in the Devil dom (and anyway you would practically become Diavolo's second dad)🍰

at the beginning of the exchange program of the exchange program, Barbatos felt neutral towards you, no feelings in particular, which will change later on

the fact that you were in hell as an exchange student did not stop you from continuing your sport i.e. dance is one evening while you were training in the RAD gym when you heard someone clapping at the end of your performance, it was Barbatos who was left behind school to search for some documents of some students

Barbatos: you were really good I saw some nobles who are not even close to your level of dancing

M/N:thanks but what are you doing here at this time?

Barbatos: I came to get some documents

M/N: do you want a hand?

Barbatos: If it's not a bother, a little company would be nice

Barbatos doesn't talk much about his feelings, the only one who knew was Diavolo and since Barbatos had taken care of him since he was little it didn't take a genius to get Diavolo to understand that his trusted butler had a crush on him for the male human dancer of the exchange program

obviously Lord Diavolo couldn't ignore the situation so not only did he get involved but he also involved Lucifer to help you and Barbatos in your love poem

obviously after a while your relationship evolved (and thanks to the help of Lord Devil) Barbatos confesses in a very refined way, inviting you to drink tea with him after a delicious tea made by him, he gave you a bouquet of roses and he gave you a beautiful romantic speech

once you were an official couple no one at RAD had the courage to do anything bad to you knowing Barbatos' power

obviously Lucifer put the brothers in line by saying that they couldn't try to flirt or try to steal from Barbatos since Barbatos was Lord Devil's faithful butler and friend anyway

it wasn't uncommon to see you helping Barbatos in his work at the palace but you weren't bothered since you were with Barbatos anyway

your dates with Barbatos were having tea with him, walking the streets of the Devil dom, dancing with him or him admiring you practicing your dance choreographies

You can swear that Barbatos is at every one of your performances or dance competitions. This man is super supportive when it comes to your passion

SMUT

Barbatos' favorite thing is how your body is flexible and since you were a dancer your body was perfect to be put in a thousand different positions

in your sex sessions Barbatos is always gentle and makes sure you are comfortable as his cock slowly enters your little hole while you moan

obviously before starting he lubricates your hole with his sperm which was practically equivalent to a lubricant from the human world being that the sperm of demons was very sense and slippery

his movements inside you were slow but satisfying the shape of his cock could be seen in your belly

obviously if you ask him to be faster and more aggressive he will satisfy you...but let's say that the next day you might end up like this ⬇️

obviously after each round he stops to check if everything is in order before continuing

Barbatos: you are doing so well my beautiful and poseable little dancer~

as for aftercare, they are literally a paradise descended into hell, he prepares a hot bath for you, delicately dressing you in his clothes, then he puts you in bed and feeds you some food prepared by him while he cuddled you

💚🍰💚🍰💚🍰💚🍰💚🍰💚🍰💚🍰💚

#obey me shall we date #obey me barbatos #male y/n #male reader #obey me x male reader #male x male #x male smut #om! barbatos #barbatos x reader #om! x reader #om! shall we date #male mc #sub reader

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spicyclover · 1 year

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Show me your scar

Summary: Being teammates isn’t always the easiest thing in the world.

Request

Hope you’ll enjoy this part. Let me know in the comments section! And to support me by tipping me!

I'm open to requests.

Little information, I will, for now, only post on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

Thank you, and Enjoy! :)

Lots of love, xxx Spicy Clover

Rivalry and challenge have always been the words to describe your relationship with Daniel. Never giving up. No matter the cause. No matter the consequence. He’s one of the tops of the top drivers, and you can’t afford to lose another race. It’s almost the middle of the season, and you’re way behind him.

You can’t sleep or eat as you should. All those worries and pressure put you in a state you can’t imagine. It’s eating you alive, even though you try to keep healthier habits. Seeing him perform more than you is painful. Eating less. Putting more hours in the sim or at the gym. You can’t even remember the last time you went out with friends.

You hate being the second driver. It’s a fact. We are at the Canadian Grand Prix, and you’re about to go in your car for the race. Your weekend has been worst than ever. You couldn’t or barely do the practice season since your vehicle had a mechanical problem. You have qualified in P12, way behind your teammates who are in P6.

Sat in the car, you’ve been focusing on your race. You haven’t eaten in a day and are throwing up everything you put in your mouth out of stress. You’re dehydrated, but the doctor cleared you for the race. You can feel the lack of sleep and food getting to you, but you suppress those feelings to focus. You need to focus. All you need to do is set your mind and mind to win and be better than him.

You do the formation lap, and the race begins. The first corner is the worst. Everyone turns around. And already two cars are hitting each other, causing a lot of debris to spread out on the track. You get through the dust cloud and are a little further away. A yellow flag is automatically displayed, and your engineer informs you as best he can of the situation. Three cars are off the grid, so you’re three places ahead on the grid. You’re no longer twelfth but ninth, three places to your number-one rival.

The red flag is on, and you all get behind the safety car and back to the pit. Once in the pits, everyone is allowed to get out of their vehicle, as the red flag may take several minutes.

Okay, here is the thing about Daniel. Is the best teammate in the world outside the track. Always been friendly and compassionate. He likes you. It’s a fact. Being the first woman in a long time in a formula one car and being his teammate is the dream for Daniel. So when you’re out of your monoplace, he’s already by your side, debriefing the incident.

“What a crazy start,” he says with his sexy Australian accent. “It was just pure chaos. I saw it in my mirrors. It’s a good thing you haven’t been it.”

“Yeah,” you mumble, eager to get away from him.

You like Daniel, he’s a great person, don’t let anyone fool you. But you can’t let the fact of being his teammate and being the less competitive one is so hard on you. You just can’t let things go, and every time, sometimes happens, you can’t let it go. You've always been like this. Making no difference between the race track and off-track. So even though you like him, you just can let things go. At some point, you just stop talking about anything and let him do all the talking.

Well, in fact, one night in Monaco, you allowed yourself a little party and ended up being drunk in a boat, almost falling out off the ship and into the Mediterranean. Thanks to Daniel, who passed by and caught you in time. You were in his arms when you started mumbling all you had in your heart. Letting your bag go and saying what’s been bothering you.

“You know. I hate being the second driver. You have all the glory and everything because the car is designed for you. What am I left with? Scrubs. It’s suck. I’ve been sick for three weeks now because I just can’t deal with my shit.” You cried on his shirt. “I don’t want to be second.”

He brought you back to your hotel room and stayed with you. Listening carefully to everything you’ve said to him. He knew this feeling of being second too well, and he couldn’t do anything to improve it for you. Before returning to his apartment, he brushes your hair and puts your pyjamas on.

You didn’t talk about this after. And a year has passed, and you’ve been in the same situation again. Making yourself sick to be at your best performance. The red flag is over, and you all drive off to race.

Your laps are getting good, and you feel good about the car. You managed to get behind, Daniel. Finally, you’re getting in the groove. Your laps are getting better than Daniel, and the team order Daniel to let you through. You’re in the long straight to the last corner. After insisting quite a bit, Daniel let you through at the last moment, making a dangerous move.

Your wheels lock up, and you’re enabled to finish your turn. You are going straight to the champion wall, full speed and no brake. The back of Daniel's car damaged your front wings, which blocked your brake and locked up the wheels. You don’t even have time to think you hit the first wall. Part of the barrier flies around, and you feel something touching your chest.

The second wall came quickly as the first one. You can feel pressure on your chest, and you have difficulty breathing. You can hear on the radio your engineers calling your name. You want to say something, but the words are stuck in your throat.

After that, you don’t remember much. Everything is blurred. You are in great pain and somehow hear Daniel's voice calling your name. Then you black out.

The first thing you hear when you wake up. It’s the rhythm of the monitor. Then you smell sanitizer. When you can open your eyes. You are met with the worried looks of your family. And then everything became a blur. The doctor's announcement. The end of your career. The beginning of this new rehabilitation. The world kept turning, but you felt stuck in your bed. Well, you are stuck in bed. Time flies, and the vacation finally arrives. You’ve been discharged, and you went back home to the UK.

It’s the first in three months that you and Daniel will see each other again. At first, you’ve been angry at him, wondering why he made that move. When he enters your apartment, a weird silence takes place. Neither of you knows what to say to the other. Deep down, you must keep your mind open and calm to any outcome. So when you see how uncomfortable he has been, you can’t help yourself to hug him. A weight is lifted from your shoulder and Daniels. Something forgiveness is the way to find peace.

You converse for quite a while, talking about everything other than racing. It’s been long since you opened up to him that way. Making yourself vulnerable again, just like at the beginning of this journey. Really being friends with him.

“Show me your scar.” He says tenderly after seeing you scratching through the fabric of your shirt.

You take your top off, showing yourself in your sports bra. He sees it for the first time. This scar on your chest’s forever grave in your skin because of his mistake is like a fantom reminder of his action toward you. His gaps silently.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers, tears in his eyes.

“I’ll heal.” You simply say, putting your shirt back on.

“Scars don’t disappear.”

“No. But they heal, and I think I need to heal now.” You say, stocking his cheek and removing a few tears from his eyes. “I’ll be better, and it’s time I care for myself.”

#daniel ricciardo #daniel ricciardo x reader #daniel ricciardo x you #Daniel Ricciardo fluff #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 #f1 fluff

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thetraingotsetonfireonmidnight · 2 years

Note

Todoroki x m reader who has really powerful quirk (maybe something like wanda from marvel?). What would endeavour think about shoto dating a guy? Would he liked it bc reader has a good quirk?

That's a good question 👀 I had to rewrite a lot of this cause it didn't save.

𝔗𝔬𝔡𝔬𝔯𝔬𝔨𝔦 𝔵 𝔪!𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔢𝔯 𝔴𝔦𝔱𝔥 𝔚𝔞𝔫𝔡𝔞'𝔰 𝔓𝔬𝔴𝔢𝔯𝔰

Endeavor is one of those parents who acts supportive but is still heavily questioning it on the inside.

He always imagined Shoto would grow up to marry a woman and have children to pass his quirk onto.

Emphasis on the part about wanting grandchildren who have powerful quirks.

So the idea of Shoto being with a guy kinda ruins that (unless you're afab, but don't bother trying to explain that to him because his old ass won't understand).

At first he assumed you and Shoto were rivals of some sort.

Whenever Shoto said he was going to hang out with you, he pictured you two sparring or something.

In reality, you two were going on dates.

Shoto doesn't even bother hiding the fact that he loves you, he's open about it. His father is just stupid.

It doesn't matter how obvious he is about it—

"I really like him, he's extremely handsome and charming."

"I can't tonight father, y/n and I are going out."

"I really admire him. I couldn't imagine a world without him."

—his dad just doesn't catch on.

Shoto doesn't go to his dad for dating advice either, he goes to Fuyumi.

She was a bit surprised to find that Shoto was crushing on a boy, not a girl, but either way she was supportive and gave him some advice.

You were a bit stand offish.

You agreed to go on the dates, and it was clear that you reciprocated his feelings, but something was pushing you away.

Todoroki eventually asked you about it.

"If it's something I'm doing, you can tell me."

You nervously scratch your arm, and open your mouth to speak-

But unfortunately, you scratching your arm made Todoroki panic.

"Oh no, did I make you injure your arm as well? I knew I was the hand crusher, I don't understand why I'm cursed to be this-"

How can someone be so smart, yet so stupid?

You calm him down, assuring him that your arm was not injured.

You were just nervous because of your quirk.

It was powerful, and you were grateful for that, but there had been too many close calls where you lost control. You were worried about hurting him.

Todoroki listened to you rant for a bit, before stopping you.

"I know what it feels like to reject a part of yourself, it's only going to hold you back. You need to make the quirk your own in order to control it. I can always help you, if you want."

"But—"

"Y/N...I could never be scared of you."

After that night, your walls started going down, and you two became official.

Fuyumi, wanting to finally meet you, invited you over for dinner.

Natsuo couldn't make it, so it was only you, Shoto, Fuyumi, and Endeavor.

"Dad, this is my boyfriend—"

Endeavor spits out his water- "BOYFRIEND?!"

"That's what I said."

Endeavor then tries to explain that he wants grandchildren.

Todoroki reminds him that he's still only in high school, so having children isn't even on the table right now.

Endeavor tries to save himself by saying in the future, he wants grandchildren.

Todoroki argues that they shouldn't be worried about that right now.

This keeps going back and forth.

The night ends, and Fuyumi is embarrassed on her father's behalf.

She sends you off with left over food as an apology.

After that, Endeavor tries to be accepting towards it.

He's trying to be a better father, and being supportive of his son's choices is a part of it.

And he's glad that you have a strong quirk at least.

It's just that in his eyes, you're competition because of how powerful you are.

He wants Shoto be the next number one, and you could possibly be a threat to that.

Either way, Todoroki brings you over for dinner often just to annoy his father.

#shoto todoroki x reader #todoroki x male reader #todoroki x reader #shoto todoroki #shoto fluff #shoto x reader #bnha x male reader #bnha x reader #mha x male reader

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givemea-dam-break · 1 year

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please, could you write something were the reader is part of kipps crew and lockwood is like obsessed with her. anytime they encounter he goes out of his way to be nice to her and kipps finds it so weird because she is like is best friend or sister even. that would be so cool! also love the new things you’ve posted earlier!!!

a/n: of course! I love this idea, and thank you so much, I'm glad you enjoyed them :) this is a mix between the books and the show (not overly obvious though)

warnings: language female reader (few pronouns used)

part two

"Seems like we've saved you again, Tony," Kipps says smugly, crossing his arms over his chest. "Maybe if you did your research properly, we wouldn't need to come and clean up your mess."

George Karim scowls. "Not all of us can press a button and have everything we need right under our fingers."

"Besides, you didn't save us," Anthony Lockwood, the face of Lockwood and Co, says. "We had it all under control."

You break off from Kat's side, inspecting the damage around the park, and make your way over to Kipps. "If by under control, you mean you were surrounded by fourteen Wraiths with very few salt bombs or magnesium flares left to defend yourself with, then yeah, you had it under control."

"(name) -" Lockwood blinks, then plasters on that smile of his. "How nice to see you."

Against your better judgement, you smile. "You seem to be making a habit of us saving your asses. I hope it's not some excuse to see Kipps' pretty face."

Kipps, your team's supervisor, frowns at the pair in front of you. Off to the side, Bobby Vernon is instructing a few other Fittes agents, disposing of the source of the horde of Wraiths. Kat, as blank-faced as always, stands on the other side of Kipps, and Ned Shaw... Well, he's somewhere. Probably glowering at some poor child.

"No, I can assure you, Kipps' face is the last thing I want to see on a case," Lockwood says, sending a charming grin your way. "It's perhaps even scarier than the Wraiths."

You laugh softly, earning a glare from your supervisor. It's hard suppressing your smile.

"I expect we'll see you more this week, Tony," he says. "It seems that without your little Listener, you're getting even worse than before."

George bristles, fists clenching by his sides. "We were doing perfectly fine on our own. Now, if you don't mind, we'd better be on our way."

Lockwood straightens. "You're right, George. But, first, we need our pay."

"Oh, no," Kipps says. "No, see, we secured the Source, so, by DEPRAC rules, the commission is ours."

"You can't be serious," Lockwood says. "This was our case."

Kat, face void of any emotion, says, "Well, it's ours now."

George moves a step closer, knuckles white with tension, but Lockwood pulls him back, murmuring something in his ear. Angrily, Karim storms past you and out of the park.

"Best be off, Tony. Don't want to stay out too much later. I'm not sure we can be bothered saving you from more ghosts."

Lockwood ignores him, casting his gaze on you. "See you around, (name)."

You smile again. "See you, Lockwood."

And, then he's gone, striding off to catch up with George. You watch him go, curiously, until he's past the hedge line of the park and faded into the darkness of the night.

"Stop it."

You turn to Kipps, frowning. "What?"

"Stop looking at him like he's God's gift to the world," he grumbles. "He's an idiot, and he's the competition unless you've forgotten. Stay away from Lockwood - it won't end well."

Nodding, you cast his words aside immediately. It only makes you want to know him more.

"I'm serious, (name). You're like a sister to me, and I can't afford for you to get sidetracked and then hurt because of him."

Too late, you think. You have most definitely gotten sidetracked.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

Scrounging around in your bag, your heart is pounding and your face feels hot with embarrassment. You can't find your purse, and there's a big long queue of people behind you, waiting for their turn to order with expressions of irritation. God, you want to melt into the floor and die. Someone groans behind you, their frustration seeping into your bones.

"Oh, my god, I'm so sorry. Just give me a minute -"

"Here you go," a voice says, and an arm reaches out beside you, passing a twenty-pound note to the cashier.

You take your coffee from her hand and shuffle out of the way quickly, breathing a sigh of relief. "Thank you so much. If I can find my purse, I'll pay you back."

"No, no, you're fine." That voice... Something about it is familiar.

Looking up, your jaw goes slack. "Lockwood! Oh, hi. How are you?"

His mouth splits in a grin. "Hey. I'm good. I'd ask how you are, but judging from how red you are, I think I can guess."

"I'm so sorry you had to pay, just let me -" You begin searching in your bag again, but Lockwood's hand closes over yours, halting the movement. Sparks run up and down your arm at the touch.

"(name), it's perfectly fine. My treat."

Your worried expression softens. "I can't thank you enough, Lockwood."

"Don't worry about it." He hesitates for a moment, eyes flickering over your face. "Do you want to come back to Portland Row with me? Chat over some doughnuts, maybe?"

Despite Kipps' warning, you want to accept, but you can't, as much as it pains you.

"I'm sorry," you say. "I've got to get back - we've got a case to get to in a few hours. I was just getting some sort of caffeine to energise me beforehand."

He looks a little disappointed, but he's still smiling. "That's alright. Maybe another time?"

You grin. "Sure. And, thank you, again, Lockwood. Really. You saved me from melting into a puddle of embarrassment back there."

"It hurt to watch," he jests. "Should I prepare my gear at home, just in case Lockwood and Co have to come save you Fittes lot for once?"

Laughing, you say, "No, but thanks. No offence, but I think we're a little more qualified for this job than you are, Lockwood."

There's a pause, one in which he only looks at you, smiling. Then, "Call me Anthony."

Before you lose confidence, you knock on the pale blue door before you.

Portland Row is quiet, despite it being mid-afternoon and summertime, but you don't really mind. With the sun beating down on your back, and a warm breeze that smells faintly like cut grass, you couldn't be more relaxed even if you tried.

The door swings open, revealing the face of George Karim, who doesn't seem overly pleased to see you.

"What do you want?"

You're taken back a little by his forwardness. "Oh, I just thought I'd come nip round and pay you guys a visit. I brought a bunch of doughnuts and biscuits and stuff from Arif's." You hold the box in your hands a little higher.

"George," a voice calls - Lucy Carlyle's, judging from the pitch. "Who is it?"

"(name), you know, Fittes agent? Kipps' crew?"

"I've brought treats from Arif's," you say over George's shoulder. "I come in peace."

"Oh, for god's sake, George, let her in!"

This time, it's Lockwood - Anthony - who speaks. He opens the door wider so that he and George are standing shoulder to shoulder in the frame. His wide smile is dazzling, and, as usual, his clothes are crisp and clean, as if he put them on right away after being ironed and hasn't moved in them lest they crease.

"Hey, (name). Thanks for bringing food."

He nudges George out of the way and gestures for you to come inside, which you do albeit cautiously.

The house isn't what you expected at all. With three teenagers living there, you assumed it'd be rather modern, but the wallpaper is old, and all sorts of decor and memorabilia hang on the walls. Masks, photos, and the likes. Straight ahead, Lucy Carlyle stands on the stairs, dressed in a comfy top and shorts, and despite the tension between your agency and theirs, she smiles at you before hurrying down the stairs and disappearing into what you assume is the kitchen. George follows her, frowning.

Deftly, Lockwood takes the large box of sweet treats from your hands.

"What's the occasion?" he asks, leading you down the hall to the kitchen.

"It's just a thank you for paying for my coffee the other day," you say. "Also, I wanted to see you, and I figured George wouldn't let me within ten feet unless I brought goods."

Lockwood laughs. "Well, you're right about that."

The kitchen isn't the largest you've seen, but it's cosy. Lucy is clearing space on the table which, oddly enough, is covered in a white tablecloth full of scribbles and writing. George is boiling the kettle over to the side, four mugs set out in front of him, though one is considerably smaller than the rest.

You can't blame him for not liking you. Although Kipps is like your brother, you know that he goes too far sometimes, and he's never been particularly nice to Lockwood and his friends. You're a part of his team, so their dislike for Kipps - or George's, at least - has extended to you.

"Please, sit," Lockwood says, gesturing to one of the seats.

Smiling a little awkwardly, you sit down as he separates the contents of the box onto different plates. Lucy takes the seat next to you, plucking one of the doughnuts straight out of the box and smiling.

Lucy has never had the warmest personality, or so you've heard, but the doughnuts have seemingly put you in her good books. That eases your discomfort a little.

George sets cups of tea down on the table before sitting down himself, just as Lockwood does, too. They all take their pick of the treats, grinning and chatting away.

"So, (name)," Lockwood says. "How did your case go the other day?"

Lucy raises her eyebrows. "You're keeping tabs on Fittes now?"

"We ran into each other a couple of days ago," you explain. "We stayed and caught up for a little bit."

George frowns. "Is that why you took so long getting back from your shopping trip?"

Lockwood sips his tea. "Yeah, I suppose. Anyways, how was it?"

"Fine," you say. "Some lady was murdered by her son a few decades ago, wanted revenge on the family - you know, the usual."

"Please tell me Kipps got a little injured," George says.

"George!" Lucy hisses, but something in her eyes tells you she doesn't feel much different than he does.

"Unfortunately for you, no, he didn't. Since he's just our supervisor, he stays within an iron circle and shouts orders at us."

"Surely that must get annoying?" Lockwood says. He's watching you carefully, and you can feel your ears growing hot under his gaze. "Having to take orders from someone who can't even see what's going on."

You shrug. "Yeah, it does, but there's not much we can do about it."

"Maybe, you could work with us."

Everyone seems to freeze when Lockwood says that. You slowly look up at him from the pastry you were just reaching for, your face the definition of pure shock. Lucy, bless her, just sits with another doughnut halfway to her mouth, eyes a little wide. But George, oh, George. It takes all your strength not to laugh at the expression of unadulterated surprise, mixed with a little bit of anger, as a biscuit hangs from his mouth.

"What?" you all say simultaneously.

Lockwood only grins wider. "I think it'd be a good decision. If we have one extra agent, it means if we get overbooked, we don't end up with one agent per case and can double up. And I don't think it'd hurt for Lucy to have some female company in the house."

"You can't be serious," George says.

"I am. So, (name)?"

The words are hard to find. "Uh, I mean, shouldn't you guys all talk about this together? I don't want to just be barging in, you know? Besides, I'd need to talk to Kipps, and that'll go down about as well as a magnesium flare in a forest."

"For once," George says, "I agree with (name)."

"Oh, come on." Lockwood waves his hand nonchalantly. "She's an incredible agent, and she'd fit right in. I don't think there's much to discuss."

In all honesty, you feel flattered that Lockwood is offering you a position within his company, only because you admire him so much. Fittes, and just about all of the big agencies, are too bureaucratic, in your opinion, and extremely controlling over cases. Lockwood and Co have free rein, within the rules set out by DEPRAC, and aren't hindered by supervisors or massive amounts of paperwork, all because he had the confidence to split off and set up his own company.

"Let's not rush into any decisions," you say, standing slowly. You don't want to move too quickly and elicit the rage of Karim. "I think I should probably head off. Enjoy the food, and, uh, have a good day."

Smiling awkwardly, you make your way out of the kitchen and hurry to the front door.

Footsteps sound behind you and, as you open the door, Lockwood says, "Wait."

You turn, sighing. "Before you say anything, Lockwood -"

"Anthony."

"Anthony, thank you for the offer, but I really think you should talk to Lucy and George first. I can't just accept without them wanting me to, and that's if I can accept."

Lockwood leans against the doorframe, looking down at you with those dark eyes of his. God, they've got you hooked.

"I will. I just - You're wasted at Fittes, stuck following the orders of someone whose Talent faded years ago."

You give him a look, but it's half-hearted. "Kipps basically raised me, alright? But I get it. Again, I appreciate it, but speak to the two of them first and then I'll consider it."

That seems to be a good enough answer. His smile is blinding. His hand briefly brushes yours, and your breath hitches.

"Give me a call in a few days," you say, "and we'll see where we're at, yeah?"

"Will do."

"I'll see you soon, Anthony."

If possible, his smile only grows brighter. "Likewise, (name)."

As you leave, you can still feel the brushing of his hand on yours, a sensation you hope will never fade.

#lockwood x reader #anthony lockwood x reader #lockwood and co x reader #lockwood and co fanfiction #lockwood and co #lockwood and co netflix #anthony lockwood #george karim #lucy carlyle #x reader #fanfiction #quill kipps #givemea-dam-break

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dramavixen · 2 months

Text

Love and Redemption: A Fantasy Epic About How Prejudice Destroys Worlds, and How Love Pieces Them Back Together

**major spoilers for: Love and Redemption

After wrapping up a watch-through of Mysterious Lotus Casebook, my mom had the brilliant idea that we should rewatch the work that launched Cheng Yi to fame (or at the very least solidified him as the man to hire if you need someone to spit blood): Love and Redemption.

I’m certain she only found this idea appealing because she doesn’t remember a TV show after it’s over. Credits rolling? Aight, time for the woman to clear up space on her brain’s memory drive. Meanwhile, my life flashed before my eyes as I recalled the anguish that’s synonymous with the show’s plot. But you know how things go when your mom wants something. If she says you're sitting through 44 hours of emotional torture with her, then you plant yourself on that couch until it’s over.

Ironically, Love and Redemption fares even better on rewatch. Though other xianxias have come close to its place in my heart, I’m now concerned that my palette won’t be so easily satiated again. It’s got your conventional reincarnation, warring realms, and a star-crossed romance while throwing curveball after curveball to shatter your expectations. Complex characters, too? An endgame villain who will haunt you in your sleep? You can’t ask for more.

Just because you didn’t ask, doesn’t mean that the show won’t deliver something extra. I like to think that nothing reflects a society’s unsightly reality like a well-done fantasy, and this one hits closer to home the more time that passes. A thinly veiled commentary on human flaws and how difficult it is to be a good person, Love and Redemption is a drama for the ages.

This is going to get lengthy, so to prepare you, here’s how I’m divvying up this piece:

Part I: All of Them Are Classist

Part II: All of Them Are Sexist

Part III: All of Them Are Racist

Part IV: Love Wins All

---

Part I: All of Them Are Classist

It’s not my intention to disgust anyone right out of the gate, but we need to talk about Wu Tong. Do you hear what I hear? Yes, it’s the distant echo of Wu Tong’s nefarious laughter, resounding between the walls of my skull.

Quite simply, Wu Tong is the worst. (Or at least he would be, if it weren’t for that other fellow named Bai Lin. That dude will get a glaring spotlight later in this essay, trust me.) But it’s not for no reason.

Coming from a background of poverty, Wu Tong spends most of his young life trying to prove himself to upper class cultivators who don’t have any interest in who he is, only in what he has to offer them. He earns his place in his sect through relentless hard work. He utilizes unsportsmanlike methods in his attempts to win the battle tournament in opening episodes. It's not just a competition to him—he's directly told that if he gets anything other than first place, he can forget about keeping his place in his sect.

When he and the protagonists first meet, his prideful personality results from his inferiority complex. There’s no doubt that he’s a powerful cultivator, but the issue is how he finds that to be his only real value. He doesn't bother to be likable, because what's the point in doing that? Being likable doesn't fill an empty stomach. But the more he disrespects others in an effort to make himself appear important, the more others look down on him, and the more he overcompensates by fighting back even more. It’s a vicious cycle—one that never ends because no one involved wants to take the first step back.

Knowing what type of person he becomes, it’s hard to pity him in any capacity. However, it would still be unfair to ignore how others mistreat him before he even turns into a true enemy.

One scene that sticks out to me happens early on, where Wu Tong nearly injures Xuanji during a 1v1 battle against Minyan. The protagonist crew insists on getting payback. Okay, I’m with it. You can’t let such reckless violence slide. I guess they’ll get their revenge in a later stage of the tournament by beating him into the ground?

Nah. That would be too reasonable. What they actually opt for is tricking him to fall into a trap by putting up a “have you seen my lost snake?” poster with a financial reward, knowing that he’ll be fooled because…he’s poor.

Sifeng: I asked around. Wu Tong was born to a family of lower status. He lives frugally. The reason he trains so hard is because he hopes to become someone powerful one day. […] Now he needs the money urgently to buy medicine and recuperate his inner strength before his next battle. Minyan: When you put it that way, doesn’t that mean he has no choice but to come for the ten night pearls?

Sifeng…oh no. Not you too.

The way Wu Tong behaves doesn’t warrant anyone being amicable toward him. I, too, have a nonexistent tolerance for obnoxious, violent egoists. But if later episodes are any evidence, this scene foreshadows that two wrongs won’t make a right. If they want to teach him a lesson, they shouldn’t stoop so low as to take advantage of his poverty. His family background is the one thing about him that isn’t his fault, yet it’s the one thing they choose to use against him. That’s what I call “going too far.”

Now that he's been hit where it hurts, Wu Tong feels justified in going too far himself. In a fit of desperation and contempt prompted by his master abandoning him, he stabs Xuanji. Not great. Things get extremely not great when you remember that Xuanji is the daughter of a sect leader. That quickly transforms Wu Tong’s attempted murder/almost manslaughter into the evilest act known to mankind. All five sects turn against him to hunt him down and kill him. I’m no law or philosophy expert, but I’m pretty sure the punishment for almost manslaughter is not the death penalty.

The five sects can treat him as their prey because he doesn’t have a support system to counter them. If he were the son of another sect leader, the thought of killing him would never even have entered their minds. Targeting him so relentlessly has less to do with justice and more to do with exerting power over a lower-class young man who hurt someone infinitely more “important” than him.

That imbalance between crime and punishment is what pushes Wu Tong over the edge. He goes on the run for several years before officially succumbing to the call of evil, after which he becomes truly irredeemable. Still, you’re occasionally reminded of his struggle—is he destined to be a villain? Or is throwing aside his remaining morality just his best chance at survival?

Do you have any idea how I survived these past several years, when you were all trying to kill me? What did I do back then that was so unforgivable? Did your sister die? Was it warranted for all five sects to team up against me, an average disciple? Was it warranted to back me into a corner over and over again, to force me to claw out of hell? Open your eyes and look at me! These past four years, I’ve already died countless times. Every time, I clawed my way back out of hell. Five hundred taels? You want to take my life with a measly five hundred taels? Don’t look down on me. Touch here. I have a fake leg. That’s what your five sects have left me with. What’s that look of yours? Guilt? Pity? I’m not telling you this for you to pity me. I, Wu Tong, survived this far because I must have my revenge.

Something my mom likes to say is if you find yourself going against someone—but especially a dangerous person—you must leave a path for their survival. It’s less for their sake than it is for yours. Should you eliminate all their options, they’ll have no choice but to bite. And they’ll make sure it hurts like hell.

As an impetuous teenager, Wu Tong is in the wrong. He needs to be taught that his actions are unacceptable. But that can’t be accomplished by putting a bounty on his head and demanding that he be murdered. That’s how you turn a scoundrel into a monster.

Minyan, Wu Tong’s foil, similarly doesn’t come from an optimal background. An orphan, he was taken in by the Shaoyang Sect without the obvious pressure that Wu Tong suffers. Even so, he can’t escape the innate inequality that seems to exist between him and his fellow disciples. It especially affects him because he’s in love with Linglong, Xuanji’s sister but more importantly…also the daughter of the sect leader! Poor guy.

When I was little, kids in the village would surround me every day and call me a bastard child with no parents. I could only pretend that I didn’t hear them. Because if I took it to heart, they would only ridicule me more. We can’t shut the mouths of people who want to slander us. But we can choose not to listen.

He may think that he’s past it, but later episodes see Minyan being manipulated using that exact insecurity. It’s easy to impersonate his master and nudge him to become a “spy” in the enemy base because he’s compelled to prove himself worthy of the sect and worthy of Linglong. Fake Sect Leader Chu Lei tells him:

When I first met you, you were only eight years old. You were homeless on the streets, starving and shivering. Still, you clung to your family dagger and refused to pawn it. In that moment, I knew that you were a child with an iron will. That’s why I’m here to find you today.

I can agree that Minyan is really stupid to immediately believe that his master, a guy well-known for pretending to do important things more than he actually does them, would tell him to do something as reckless as invade enemy territory. However, he also heeds the impostor’s instructions because realistically, his master asking him to prove himself is something that could happen. Any good disciple would naturally want to repay their masters for their favor, let alone a disciple who would otherwise have nowhere else to go.

The contrast between Minyan and Wu Tong shoves itself in your face as you watch, primarily through their respective relationships with Linglong (well, one of them has a relationship. The other is a creep. Can you guess who’s who?). Without family backing, the two men both struggle to find their place in the world, but they’re complete opposites purely because of their upbringing. Thankfully for Minyan, he found a family amongst people who don’t treat him as “another,” even if he may think of himself as such.

Wu Tong isn’t so fortunate. You can say it’s his own doing, a result of his terrible personality, but he certainly wasn’t born like that. And now someone will pay for it.

---

Part II: All of Them Are Sexist

As a caveat, I’ll mention that the main cast really could have used a woman who isn’t some combination of foolish, lovestruck, and/or loud. But I’m willing to overlook it just this once because the writers excel in highlighting both the ladies' flaws and how we as an audience exaggerate those flaws through our own preconceptions.

Working backwards in terms of plot importance, we can start with Xiao Yinhua. Sifeng’s snake familiar in a human form, Xiao Yinhua is like most female leads from the turn of the millennium in that her only real strength is throwing temper tantrums. She’s also like most second female leads from the turn of the millennium in that she constantly prefers using underhanded tactics and harming others to achieve her goals—in other words, a snake. Oh. I guess that makes sense.

Her affections toward Sifeng cloud her already nonexistent judgment and prompt her to make some of the worst decisions made by anyone, ever. At first, I thought I was being unfair toward her because of my own internalized misogyny. But no. I can say with absolute confidence that I would abhor this character no matter what gender or creature or object she may be. She has no redeeming qualities aside from teaching us that someone foolish, lovestruck, and loud is doomed to self-sabotage. From that perspective, she’s still a valuable character to have because now we know that before we act, we should think: would Xiao Yinhua do that thing? If she would, do not do that thing.

If Xiao Yinhua were willing to grow up, she could become more similar to Zi Hu. Zi Hu almost acts as a parallel to Sifeng—hopelessly in love with someone who doesn’t return the affection for a literal thousand years. Also, both are very pretty. Ahem.

Zi Hu’s thousand years’ worth of experience gives her the skills to back up her unrelenting feelings for Wu Zhiqi. She’s a rarity in that her driving force is a man—a motivation that's typically a reputation ruiner for female characters—but you find her lovable instead of thinking that she lacks self-respect. The key is that her love isn’t blind and rash like Xiao Yinhua’s. Zi Hu has a plan to save Wu Zhiqi from his prison and she carries it out with intention. In other words, it’s okay to focus on love, but only if you can take responsibility for your feelings.

Ting Nu: Why go so far? When did Wu Zhiqi ever tell you that he loved you? Your affections are merely one-sided. Zi Hu: When did he tell me he didn’t love me? Look, once I rescue him, he’ll have to be with me to thank me.

Because Zi Hu is a literal fox, people suspect her both for being a demon and for being the demon notorious for seducing men to consume their souls. The latter is quickly debunked and becomes less of an issue than her just being a plain demon. I nonetheless find it hilarious how everyone balks when she shows them her harem of men gleefully living in her backyard. Yep, she’s a cunning vixen. You can just keep wishing you could join that harem.

Zi Hu: You're trying to shoo me away. You think I’ll storm out because of your petty tricks? You’re underestimating me. I’ve already decided, starting today, I’m going to follow you everywhere. Even if you don’t want me to, I’m going to cling to you. This old spirit isn’t going to let those thousand years of waiting be in vain. Wherever you go, I’m going with. If you dare sneak peeks at other pretty women, I’ll dig out your monkey eyes. All in all, if I’m around, no pretty woman can enter your vision. As if you could bear to leave me behind if I hang around for another thousand years!

Xiao Yinhua and Zi Hu aren’t overly victimized based on their gender within the show itself. For the better too, because whoever dares to do so would probably end up dead by a fox's claws and a snake's teeth. These two characters' existences test your innate view of female characters instead. What is it that matters to you in a female character? What standards do you hold against them?

(**Content warning for the below segment until the next purple break: brief mentions of sexual assault and suicide.)

And that's where we come to Linglong. Linglong is a loudmouthed spoiled brat. She's overbearing, and while she wants to protect Xuanji, her method of doing it is by crying crocodile tears and throwing temper tantrums in front of their father. No wonder she and Xiao Yinhua clash—two childish people who both have a compulsion to win arguments? Forget it.

A bulk of the drama sees Linglong’s primordial spirit being taken and held captive by Wu Tong. Wu Tong puts half of her primordial spirit into the body of a flower demon, whom he also forces to take on Linglong’s physical appearance. No other reason, he just wants to have his way with someone who looks and acts like Linglong, the person who jeered at him all those years ago. By the time the real Linglong recovers her primordial spirit, Wu Tong has done enough damage that she’s haunted by nightmares and memories of someone who assaulted her when she couldn't even fight back.

The lead-up to this arc is incredibly disturbing and takes root in the very first episode. On my first watch-through, I thought their relationship would take a classic enemies-to-lovers path. The directors and writers pull you in this direction with no subtlety, showing a smitten Wu Tong when he first lays eyes on Linglong. They then keep the scam going by having him act out in awful ways as he attempts to gain her attention. That’s right, it’s the brainwashing girls receive when they’re on the playground: “he pulls your hair because he likes you."

During their first meeting, Linglong is surrounded by a halo filter from Wu Tong’s perspective. Knowing what he’ll later do to her makes the seeming innocuousness of this scene revolting, but it's necessary. It's the first of many steps to prove that someone’s “affections” can’t be used as an excuse for harming whomever’s on the receiving end of them.

Linglong can be an extremely annoying person. Her outspokenness and difficult temper shape her into an unlikable character, which then ensures that by the time Wu Tong captures her, the audience almost instinctively wants to say that it’s her fault. We all know the talk track: “he liked her, so why couldn’t she just have been nicer to him? She asked for it by being mean to him.”

When Linglong first offends Wu Tong, it isn’t for no reason: she’s angry because he endangers her sister’s life over and over again. Admittedly, she goes overboard in her retaliation against him. So what? Linglong being mean to Wu Tong and Wu Tong later targeting her are indeed connected events, but the former doesn't justify the latter. If we say that the five sects hunting Wu Tong down isn’t a fair punishment, then isn’t it also unfair for him to turn the tables on her in such a way?

Essentially, Linglong isn’t the “ideal” victim. That’s what makes her arc all the more heartbreaking. To this day, society wants to find any excuses for the assailant. Any mistake, any flaw of the victim's will be used against her. As humans, maybe it’s instinct for us to hope that bad things only happen to bad people, and victim-blaming is our twisted way of making that an impossible reality.

Overcome with depression and trauma, Linglong is unable to come to terms with what Wu Tong did to her. Men gossip about her and her “relationship” with the enemy, sometimes harassing her straight to her face. Wu Tong himself finds great delight in taunting her about her “sharing his bed,” not only relishing the memories but also enjoying how much it torments her.

Linglong: It was my fault that I was captured by Wu Tong, wasn’t it? [...] Everyone thinks so. I didn’t want to be captured by Wu Tong. But after Wu Tong said all those things, everyone thinks so. Minyan: Linglong, why care about what everyone else thinks? Just pretend that you didn’t hear any of it. Linglong: But I did hear them. Why do I need to pretend I didn’t? It’s something that actually happened, so why do I need to play dumb and trick myself into thinking it didn’t? Are you going to be like them too, and mock me?

All the accusations brainwash her into thinking everything is her fault. To Wu Tong and all the people judging her, she’s nothing but a pawn to be used for their own entertainment. And once she and Minyan leave the protection of the sect, everyone finds her an easy target to push around. Hoping that her death will mean freedom for both herself and her loved ones, she attempts to drown herself before being yanked back to life and reality by Minyan.

Linglong’s struggle is many women’s worst nightmare. It’s also a diligent representation of PTSD, something that I normally wouldn’t expect from a xianxia drama. Even after she's rescued and everyone tells her that her suffering is over, it never feels over for her. At night, Lingling is awoken by harrowing dreams of Wu Tong returning to kidnap her once again:

Nightmare!Wu Tong: You’ll always belong to me. You can’t escape.

The conclusion to her arc being Wu Tong’s death and his literal letting go of her may be quite idealistic. But I prefer to think that giving Linglong her happy ending is the writers’ way of trying to assuage our fears, of showing us that there will always be another sunrise regardless of what happens.

(**Content warning end.)

Linglong becomes the drama’s strongest woman-centric plot, and I really love that the writers did it with a character whose personality isn't the most appealing. She's the imperfect woman we can find in every corner of the world, a representation of women overall instead of the minority who are considered "deserving" of justice.

Next to her, Xuanji also gets a short end of the stick. She's constantly being pushed to marry Hao Chen. Every excuse in the book is used against her: they're a fated couple, he's the only one that can take care of her, doesn't she agree that this is a part of her duty? No matter how logically she objects to it, no one really cares what she thinks. If she objects, she’s being headstrong, and that’s the end of it. (More on Xuanji to come in Part IV of this essay.)

And aside from Bai Lin’s more obvious transgressions (we're getting to those), what really irked me is just how twisted he makes the God of War’s rebellion appear in others’ eyes. The logic turns quickly from “Bai Lin must have done something wrong” into “the God of War must have been in love with Bai Lin and grew resentful that he rejected her.” I guess it’s very believable that the God of War would want to destroy the entire universe because some guy wouldn’t date her? That’s right, you can be the most accomplished woman in your field and someone will still want to attribute everything you do to being motivated by romance.

Naturally, the next question is—why is Bai Lin such a weirdo? Why does he insist on turning his friend Luohou Jidu, a man, into a woman when creating the God of War? Hmm. I smell a waft of homophobia...

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Part III: All of Them Are Racist

And except for a small minority, I really mean "all of them" this time. Humans and celestial beings are racist toward demons. Demons are racist back toward humans and celestial beings. If you asked both sides who started it, they'd point at the other without hesitation. "They started it. By existing."

I don’t even know where to start with this topic. Part of me believes this entire section of analysis could be extraneous—do I really need to do a deep dive when you could just click a random timestamp of a random episode and have a 50% chance of finding a character saying something incredibly racist? No case studies necessary. The drama is the case study.

Obviously, while I may say that all the different races are racist toward one another, some are notably more egregious in their discrimination than others. The five sects, being in power, are the worst offenders. Every other second, someone is reminding another that they need to wipe out demons. Just the utterance of the word “demon” makes them froth at the mouth. In their possession, they have treasure troves of weapons and magical devices whose collective main purpose is to identify and kill demons. Perhaps you know someone in real life who thinks that hating something is a personality trait—that’s the five sects in a nutshell.

Zi Hu and Ting Nu are continuously snubbed for not being human even after they’ve long proven that they’re more help than harm. Ting Nu is a doctor, but even saving Hao Chen doesn’t make them think of him as anything but a demon who is evil in his very bones. Demons can do everything right, but the high and mighty humans are too pure and innocent to associate with them…aside from killing and torturing them, of course.

Highlighted Exhibit A: Sifeng almost being tortured and whipped to death based on the mere suspicion that he’s a demon. The fact that he is one doesn’t matter. His assailants operate on the doctrine that they’d rather kill an innocent person than let a demon roam free. Every action to rid the world of a demon is a virtuous one. It's a reenactment of the Monty Python witch trial but they're being completely serious.

Highlighted Exhibit B: the other sects band together to wipe out Lize Palace without solid confirmation as to whether they’re all demons. They’re operating on the same principle as in Exhibit A, so at least you can praise them for being consistent.

Highlighted Exhibit C: before Sifeng is revealed to be a pretty bird, Xuanji’s repeated defense of him consists of "Sifeng isn’t a demon." The main purpose of these lines is to instill further fear into Sifeng and give him more reason to keep lying to her, all while Xuanji's trust in him deepens. But is it also some of her lingering innate judgment seeping through? A subconscious understanding that her family and sect will never accept a demon as her boyfriend? Well, joke’s on them because he’s one hot bird.

So how are you supposed to survive as a demon? Lize Palace results from the humans’ desire to eradicate an entire race of demons. Just as Wu Tong is driven only by revenge, the demons of Lize Palace just need to survive for long enough to one day remove their masks and live as themselves. Humans’ endless thirst for blood does nothing but fuel demons’ fire of rebellion and keep the wheel of tragedy turning.

As for the “bad guys” of Tianxu Hall? At least when they commit the same acts of evil as the other five sects, they’re willing to admit that being evil isn’t beyond them.

Yuan Lang is an extremely successful villain for this very reason. All of us love Yuan Lang, so much that we start grinning whenever he comes on-screen with his fan and sarcastic mouth. So much that when it's revealed he's been consuming people's souls, all my mom had to say about it was: “Oh. That's mean of him.”

He plots and he lies and he murders, but he doesn’t put up a facade of holding himself to a lofty moral standard. It’s also quite telling that while Yuan Lang machinates behind the scenes, 90% of his time is spent standing by and calling others out on their bullshit. Everyone around him creates their own downfall. He just happens to benefit from their stupidity.

Man with a fan and a plan. I like.

Even so, Yuan Lang isn’t invulnerable to emotion. One of my absolute favorite scenes is where Di Lang sacrifices himself so Yuan Lang can make a getaway. It’s the only instance of Yuan Lang being subject to the pain of caring about someone else. Those short moments contrast so starkly against the sects’ inhumanity that suddenly, a revolution doesn’t seem all that bad.

Behind the bulky mask, his despair is apparent. Man. This actor’s come a long way since his F4—I mean, H4 days. If you've never watched Let's Go Watch Meteor Shower Together, don't.

Finally, we arrive on the topic of Bai Lin. Oh, boy. I still haven’t watched Blood of Youth because seeing the actor’s face triggers my fight-or-flight response. And it’s been years.

Bai Lin, the one racist to rule them all. The guy must have a handbook on “How to Be Racist” or something—how else could the contempt that spews from his mouth, the spark of repugnance in his eyes, and the brazen obstinacy in his opinions be so immaculate?

The entire drama consists of setting the stage for the full reveal of Bai Lin turning Luohou Jidu into a weapon of war to be used against his own people. By the time all the pieces fall into place, you’ve already witnessed the tragedy created by discriminatory practices between mortals. You've seen how Sifeng is targeted and Xuanji forced to move her hand against him. You've seen how the sects use their power to harm instead of help. You've seen how demons plot their revenge for centuries. Once Bai Lin is confirmed to be the genesis of all that, there’s nothing left for you to feel but utter revulsion.

Bai Lin: Celestial beings and demons cannot coexist. How could my Heavenly Realm possibly hold a marriage with the Devil Tribe? Luohou Jidu: Celestial beings and demons cannot coexist...Then why do you drink with me today? Why are you friends with me? Bai Lin: Naturally, Brother Jidu, you’re different from other demons and devils. Out of all the demons and devils in this world, Brother Jidu is my only friend.

Can’t believe he even pulls the "you’re one of the good ones" card.

Bai Lin, practitioner of unethical tactics: his ultimate decision to trick and use Luohou Jidu results from racism-induced paranoia. He simply can’t believe that his friend will remain his friend, not unless he becomes "one of us." He thinks the God of War should appreciate that he's given her power and invested his time and energy in her tenth reincarnation, going so far as fool her into thinking that they loved each other once upon a time. Once Xuanji shows herself capable of independent thought, he doesn’t hesitate in turning against her and manipulating her to destroy her own self. He eventually sacrifices the entire world for the Heavenly Realm's survival. After all, what's the value of an entire planet's human and demon population in the face of his power?

He's the representation of what happens when those in power, those who have the best chance of righting wrongs and preventing more from happening, decide to perpetuate the problem. At the same time, he presents the predicament that those we rely on to give us justice are also victims of their own emotions and fears.

I venture to say that Bai Lin is the best-written antagonist in modern xianxia. He’s ruthless but has a moral compass, albeit one that only points in one direction—toward himself. His hubris aside, you have to admit that he genuinely believes he's acting for the greater good. The ends justify the means because he thinks he’s bettering the world.

Bai Lin makes awful decisions that involve genocide and cruelty because he operates on a strict utilitarian philosophy. "I do what I think will bring the best results, even if it means sacrificing something huge in the process." He’s the most dangerous character and the person we should also fear in real life because he’ll stop at nothing to create his definition of a paradise.

It would be easy to dismiss him as simply being a bad person. However, this show draws from reality in that every person exists in a gray area between good and bad. You can lean one way or the other, but you don’t fall completely into either. And that’s the foundation of the show's conflicts. Everyone's so busy trying to define what’s right and wrong that they’ve lost sight of basic compassion.

When he’s finally faced with the consequences of his actions, Bai Lin is driven to despair. He feels true remorse over what he’s done, but only because he’s fortunate enough to actually witness how the thousand-year conflict wouldn't have existed without him. We as people aren’t so lucky—those “what if”s will forever remain in the shrouded realm of impossibility.

Heavenly Emperor: You always thought that evil had sparked in the hearts of the God of War and Luohou Jidu. But the one in whom evil truly sparked was you. All things and happenings in this world are originally empty. From emptiness comes meaning. Yin and yang reverse; they support and restrain one another. The Heavenly Realm was originally empty. The Asura, too, was empty. If all is empty, then how could the Heavenly Realm be superior; and the Mortal Realm, Demon Realm, and Devil Realm be inferior? Your excessive concern for the safety of the Heavenly Realm prompted evil to take root in your heart, unable to be undone.

Seeing him in such despair almost makes me feel bad for him. Maybe I do have too much sympathy.

At this point, it's already too late to repair the damage he's caused, a realization that causes him further anguish. He rids himself of his divinity to show his remorse and accepts death. But he's already caused so much pain to everyone else. Who can put back together the world that he's destroyed?

---

Part IV: Love Wins All

(We love IU for her perfect song that also gave me the best possible final section title.)

As I seek to be conscious of my own biases, I once wondered: why is it that shaking my head at a female character for being dedicated to a man comes so naturally to me, but I can’t be more gleeful to see Sifeng put his heart out on a platter for Xuanji? Perhaps I’m also sexist. Perhaps I have double standards.

Then I thought about it some more and realized everyone loves Sifeng because he’s so blatantly unrealistic that you’re immediately able to sink yourself into his fictional beauty. He transcends gender norms because there is no person of any gender who would go to the extent that he does for Xuanji, nor is there anyone who could remain as levelheaded when faced with some of the most shameless people known to mankind. Forget all the people flying on swords and uttering magic spells. The biggest absurdity in Love and Redemption is its male lead. Yes, I'm a skeptic. But we're so lucky to have him.

Sifeng grew up in a bizarrely backwards environment where—instead of girls needing to cover up to not attract men’s attention—all men need to protect themselves by wearing masks and not associating with the opposite sex. Brainwashed for years to believe that Lize Palace is the only safe space for golden fire birds like himself, he keeps cautious around people while still harboring a subconscious longing for their warmth.

In my entire life, I never knew what a "friend" is. I finally understand now, the meaning of "fervent friendship."

Sifeng is established as the loyal lover extremely quickly. He's whipped—figuratively and literally—for Xuanji, his sheltered childhood leaving him defenseless against her unintentionally flirtatious mannerisms. He teaches her about her lost senses without judgment, nurtures limitless patience with her and others by proxy, and isn't afraid to question the status quo.

We love Sifeng for his wisdom and levelheadedness. He sees things for what they are and is commonly the voice of empathy and reason within a world of selfishness. The entire show is Sifeng going, "I might as well do it myself" in every situation because no one else cares, is capable enough, or both. He's the guy in group projects who quietly does everything and doesn't even get mad that you're the most useless team member ever. What a saint.

In the xianxia universe, he's distinct husband material (which isn’t saying much since the bar there is so low that you'd need to dig yourself a grave to reach it—which is also great because then you already have a place to go once your xianxia spouse gets you killed. I digress). His loyalty to not only others, but also who he is and what he wants, leaves him able to counter the complacency with hatred and evil permeating the world around him.

With his endless empathy, he's able to understand Luohou Jidu. While Sifeng's earliest motivation in facing the greatest devil is only to save Xuanji, he later views Luohou Jidu as an individual with his own sufferings. He's the only one to truly view Luohou Jidu as himself, not someone to eliminate, not just an extension of Xuanji. To Sifeng, everyone deserves a chance to be heard before a verdict is passed over them.

Not to mention, these two’s interactions are absolutely hilarious. I wish I could've seen the extensive conversations that must’ve went on in the censorship agency over them.

Fellas, is it gay to clasp a guy’s hands within your own and stare deeply into his eyes while reminiscing about your loving relationship if he’s technically got a woman captive in his brain?

But perhaps what shines the brightest about Sifeng is how he suffers. He's so pretty when he suffers. Wait. That's not my point.

When his Lovers’ Curse triggers for the first time, Xiao Yinhua speaks the gospel that a lot of the audience probably has in mind: "you did so much for her, you were so good to her, but she doesn’t love you back." And it sounds kind of right? But also kind of not? Then Sifeng opens his mouth and you think, "oh, crap, I've been brainwashed by misogyny yet again."

She never asked me to like her. If someone wants to kill another just because she doesn’t reciprocate their feelings, then that person will never be loved. They also don’t deserve to love another.

Again and again, Sifeng puts himself in harm's way to keep loving Xuanji. Sure, he wants her to love him back, but that's secondary to his desire to be honest with his own feelings.

With the bright beacon of light that is Sifeng’s blinding love, I feel most viewers overlook Xuanji’s capabilities as a female lead. Her comparative passiveness in the relationship makes it seem as if she doesn’t love him enough. I attribute this to the same reason as our previous conclusions, that female characters in romance dramas have a harder time garnering the audience’s approval than their male counterparts. Are we innately more judgmental toward women, or is the standard for men still so low that we’re already impressed when a guy surpasses the bare minimum? Probably both.

It's easy to forget that Xuanji is the one who's nice to Sifeng first. When they first meet, Xuanji literally falls into his arms. Then he just…drops her. (And they say chivalry is dead.) But Xuanji doesn’t care.

The rules of his sect push Sifeng into being a bit of a porcupine in his demeanor. He puts up a wall against everyone, but especially Xuanji. After all, as an innocent boy, Sifeng needs to protect himself from evil women. Or something.

Xuanji is the one who can't take the hint tries to befriend him and tears down his wall with the gentle, graceful nature of a sledgehammer. She insists that she'll retrieve his lost mask because she knows it's important to him. When she discovers that Sifeng is punished over it, Xuanji is the one to point out how unfair it is. Her straightforwardness and sense of principle are the reason Sifeng begins to open up at all.

Xuanji: I’m the one who took off his mask. If you want to hit someone, hit me. [...] Not to mention, he almost died trying to get his mask back. So I'd like to ask you, Palace Leader, is Sifeng's life more important, or is that mask more important?

She knows no fear, so she doesn't consider emotionless rules to be worth anything if they cause pain for the people she cares about. In many ways, Xuanji is the one who teaches Sifeng to stand up for what he believes in.

That Xuanji lacks her six senses makes her the least susceptible to the prejudicial habits of her surroundings. She accepts what they believe, that demons are bad, but only because that's all she knows. Whereas most of her peers are content remaining in their ignorance, this supposedly heartless gal is curious about the world. She can easily abandon her preconceptions in favor of what she witnesses the world to be.

It takes constant practice and tests for Xuanji to completely shed her old beliefs. The introduction of Zi Hu marks the beginning of her growth. Xuanji, concerned and angry that Zi Hu is holding her friends captive, fully intends on killing the fox until Ting Nu reasons with her:

Ting Nu: Zi Hu isn’t a malicious demon. You shouldn’t threaten her life. Xuanji: But she kidnapped my friends. How can I spare her? [...] No. She did bad things, so I have to kill her. Ting Nu: [...] Zi Hu has never actually harmed anybody. She’s simply misguided by her anxieties. You should spare her life. […] If you discover that she’s actually committing malicious acts, you could kill her then, no?

If it were Minyan or Linglong in her position, you could bet that they'd ignore Ting Nu. For one, he's a merman, so of course he'd protect another demon. To Xuanji's credit, she really does give Zi Hu—and Ting Nu—the benefit of the doubt. Does she have to? No. But she does anyway.

If Sifeng’s love comes naturally, then Xuanji’s comes through determination. Who's to say that one is inherently better than the other? It takes ten lifetimes for her to understand a semblance of love. She wants dearly to understand what it means to "like" someone, even though she's already the least unafraid to show how much she cares about others.

After she successfully grows the heart light for Sifeng, I don't think anyone is more excited than Xuanji herself. Look how proud she is. Obviously, she's happy she can use it to protect him, but I imagine that she also views it as the clearest proof that she’s as human as anybody else and as capable of loving as anyone else. Sifeng may be stunned when the heart light disappears, but Xuanji falls despondent—she really wants Sifeng to be someone important to her.

People sometimes struggle to see past Xuanji’s initial naivety. They're especially harsh toward her for not seeing what Sifeng has sacrificed for her until it’s almost too late. It's true, the drama primarily favors Sifeng's perspective, so it's easy to only see what he’s done and ignore Xuanji’s efforts.

In spite of warnings from Sifeng himself to not do so, Xuanji emerges to save him from the third lash of the demon whip. You go, girl.

Love isn’t a competition. But for the sake of the discussion, let's say proof is needed that Xuanji’s effort in the relationship matches Sifeng’s. In that case, the important part is looking at what they sacrifice in a relative scope instead of an absolute one.

The things that Sifeng sacrifices are astronomical. He climbs a tower blustering with an eternal blizzard and puts on the Lovers' Curse mask. He stands right in the middle of the conflict between humans and demons even though there’s no way humans will spare him. He gets stabbed…a lot. But everything he does is a result of his own will and careful calculations—they’re all things he knows he can take responsibility for.

Sifeng's major flaw is that he's a massive liar. He's not right to lie, but he's also right to be scared about what would happen if he doesn't. As a demon, he knows what happens to anyone who isn't distinctly human. That's why he conceals his identity from Xuanji.

Then, once he discovers that Xuanji is also the reincarnation of the Star of Mosha, his fear is ignited again for her sake. Xuanji has almost always been defined by what she is, not who. She's berated for being useless when she doesn’t have her six senses. The moment she’s revealed to have the God of War's power, suddenly everyone finds her more than useful. If she's publicly revealed to be the Star of Mosha, then she'd be killed without question, and the person that is “Xuanji” will also cease to exist. Just as he doesn’t want Xuanji to view him and as anything other than himself, Sifeng doesn't want anyone else to view Xuanji as anyone other than herself. That's also why out of everyone, the one person he must keep the Star of Mosha secret from is Xuanji herself.

When Sifeng's lies begin to unfold, Xuanji is left to handle the mess he's inadvertently created. Suddenly discovering that he's a demon and also protective of the demon that possibly murdered her mother, Xuanji is torn. Her wavering faith in him isn't because of his identity, but because he lied to her.

Zi Hu: Do you dislike it that much, that [Sifeng] is a demon? Xuanji: Should I not? Zi Hu: Well, you healed my wounds. And you’re friends with me and Ting Nu, a merman. As for little Sifeng, he’s not a malicious demon who harms people. I don’t think he was aware of what went on with Tianxu Hall and Lize Palace. Xuanji: That’s different! He shouldn’t have lied to me. He’s the person I trust the most. But he even kept from me who he is. Then, all the things he told me and did with me in the past…what part of it all was real and what was fake? Zi Hu: What’s real and what’s fake? Can’t you just drag him over here and ask him? If he’s a scumbag, just kill him. But if there’s any misunderstandings, the two of you should clear them up. Resolve them and see what solutions there are. When two people are together, the scariest thing is misunderstanding one another for no reason. If you lose each other, that might be the end, forever. You’d regret that.

And then she eventually does try to kill him. Good going, Zi Hu.

Xuanji's main conflict in the latter half of the drama is that she wants to find a solution that satisfies everyone, an impossible dilemma. Everyone starts pressuring her to lead the charge against the demons. It's her duty as the God of War, isn't it? Oh, but if she doesn't want to, it's because she's in love with the enemy. But she can't be in love with the enemy. She's the God of War, after all.

That’s the duplicitous world that Xuanji lives in. Yet, without knowing why he's been dishonest or what else he could be lying about, she still chooses to believe in Sifeng—even if it means being treated as a traitor herself and being further guilt-tripped. She's bound to her duty, family, and the expectations that come along with that. Going against them in any capacity is a challenge to her entire livelihood and the moral standards imposed on her. If you take that into account, suddenly the things that she risks don’t pale in comparison what Sifeng does for her.

As an omniscient audience, it's easy for us to say that she doesn't do enough, that she should know better. It's an interesting thought experiment to wonder what else she could do in such a situation. Her boyfriend lies to her. She believes he has a reason, believes in him when he tells her to trust him. She defends him repeatedly to people who don't even care to listen unless it's to interrupt and call her crazy. She lies to her father that she'll devote herself to killing demons like Sifeng so they'll stop calling her crazy and threatening her. Then, when she goes to rescue Sifeng from Mingxia Cave, he's suddenly getting passive-aggressive with her: “oh, what does the mighty God of War need from a lowly demon like me that she deigns to talk to me?” Bro…if I were her, I might just ditch him in a fit of rage. That's how you want to play? Have fun turning into frozen poultry in this cave, then.

Obviously, more is going on behind the scenes that Xuanji is completely unaware of. Sifeng almost dies from her fire magic that Hao Chen stole. The broken hairpin. And okay, I'll admit that her saying that she'll kill him while he's eavesdropping outside is not a great look. But come on, Sifeng. Where have your critical thinking skills gone? If you can lie, don’t you think Xuanji can too? And after all that, she still instinctively shields him from her father’s sword.

Sifeng. In this case, I do have to criticize you in a serious manner. Do you have any idea how hard it was for Xuanji to finally try to get herself stabbed for you, only for you to go “no, me” and get stabbed again? Do you have a sword-magnet in your chest?

Then Sifeng tells her that he’s never loved her and was only using her because he’s Luohou Jidu, the world's biggest villain. And she still can't bear to hurt him. When Xuanji discovers that Hao Chen has tricked her into using a so-called “Purifying Vase” to doom Sifeng to a painful death, she's furious:

Xuanji: For my own good? You want me to practice the Method of Love, but you also want me to be heartless. I can’t be so contradictory. Hao Chen: I told you to practice the Method of Love through feelings between you and me, not for you to continuously absorb yourself in your fixation on Sifeng! Xuanji, don’t forget. Our marriage is one determined by the heavens. It’s destiny. Xuanji: The heavens determine nothing. If they do, then why did they make Sifeng and I meet in our past nine lives? What a joke of the heavens. Hao Chen: So, you’d rather resign yourself to your doomed fate with that demon than stay properly by my side? Xuanji: Fate isn’t split into a virtuous or doomed one. I hate myself for loving Sifeng before, and we won’t ever be together again. But since I already gave him my love, I won’t take it back.

But of course, Hao Chen has more tricks up his Mary Poppins sleeves. He pulls out all the stops and uses his last breath to manipulate her into stabbing Sifeng. Oh my god. Look at all these trust issues, just making themselves readily available.

Her stabbing him is, how do you say, very bad. But let’s be honest, she’s seen him survive worse. I don't have a nifty conclusion is here, but basically, she subconsciously knows he'll get over it (physically, at least).

Of course, Sifeng is heartbroken. It's intensified by the tragic fate of his father. His father’s goal was always to protect Sifeng from the dangers posed by the racist five sects, led primarily by fabricated memories that his lover Hao Feng was driven to suicide by her own family. When Yuan Lang reveals the truth, that Hao Feng's fear of demons trumped her love for her husband, it’s intense foreshadowing of Sifeng and Xuanji’s relationship. Maybe Xuanji isn't like Hao Feng and she can cross the rift between humans and demons, meeting Sifeng in the middle. But finally, she still retreats, away from him. Her betrayal, now the tenth in all their lifetimes, leads Sifeng to leave behind some of the most truthful but hurtful words for Xuanji to deal with:

I finally understand why my fate turned out as it did in all my past nine lives. From beginning to end, you have always been a heartless person.

It’s not fair to ask Sifeng to keep considering Xuanji’s feelings under the brunt of her violent wrath. But just as she has no idea what he’s been doing to protect her, he has no idea what she’s been doing to protect him. Zi Hu is right again: nothing poses a greater danger to a couple than misunderstandings. And racism.

The ultimate resolution only occurs once Xuanji recovers the memories of their past lives. Congratulations, Sifeng. After a millennium of pining, your love has finally touched the heart of your beloved. Indeed, it might take a long time getting there, but love will find a way.

I love the short scenes that show the God of War and Xi Xuan's quiet but gentle relationship. Xi Xuan is the only one who cares that the God of War wants her own identity, then gives her a moment in which she doesn't have to wear her armor, just as Sifeng does everything in his power to let Xuanji be "Xuanji." Through all their lives, Sifeng is the one who recognizes her for who she is and wants to make her happy, even if she doesn't have a heart.

Activate: Xuanji, shameless mode. After Xuanji tracks down Sifeng in his solitude, they return to their days as teenagers. Xuanji acts like a fool in front of him, demanding his attention, and Sifeng only wants to get her the hell out of his house. It's not only a reminder of the times when things were a lot simpler, but also of how far they've come.

She intends on marrying Sifeng. Even if her father doesn't approve, she no longer cares. There's not enough time left in the world to hesitate about the people you love to satiate someone who can't be satisfied. Just as Sifeng upends his whole life for her, she's willing to do the same.

And as Sifeng is dying, Xuanji makes the ultimate decision to become the Star of Mosha. This isn't a reckless move done just to save him. Rather, her faith in Sifeng has strengthened into steel after all they've been through. Even if the world ends, she knows that a little bird with unshakable resolve will come get her. For two people who have spent most of their time as a pair of parallel lines, never to coincide, this is their point of intersection—a challenge that they'll face together, even if they're apart.

Sifeng: Xuanji, stop! I'd rather die than watch you become a devil for me! Xuanji: Sifeng, I can't consider all that now. I have to save you! Whether I be the Star of Mosha or the God of War, I don't care. I just need you to be okay. Sifeng. If I become Luohou Jidu, you absolutely can't forget me. Remember to bring me back! I cry during this scene. Then I immediately start laughing at Sifeng's gobsmacked expression once Luohou Jidu shows up. It just reads "but...my girlfriend..."

And Xuanji's right. Sifeng is the solution. No one else can save Luohou Jidu, the God of War, and the world by extension. Luohou Jidu's pain results from being betrayed purely because of his identity as a devil, but Sifeng becomes the confidante that Bai Lin pretended to be. The God of War's pain comes from having no self-identity, but Xi Xuan gives her the ability to seek one and accompanies her for a thousand years to help her find it. The suffering that Bai Lin set into motion would lead to a ceaseless cycle of revenge and a destruction of the world’s good due to its sins, but Sifeng alone convinces Luohou Jidu and the God of War that there's something in life worth keeping. But you have to fight for it, and persistently, because good things only come to those who are willing to chase after them.

Xuanji to Bai Lin: I won’t mess with someone else’s life so simply due to my own matters, even if that person is someone as despicable as you. Sifeng once said that using hate to obtain vengeance is an endless cycle. In this life, I already have something that matters more to me than that. I have no space to keep my hatred.

I know it can sound cheesy to say that the best revenge is living a happy life. But Love and Redemption can convert even the most insistent of cynics—me, for example. People will practice evil whether or not there’s a reason for it and whether or not those consequences will ripple out into a tsunami that will engulf the world. Only true, honest love can hope to settle the uneasy sea. It’s why Zi Hu gives Wu Zhiqi something to live for other than war. It’s why Linglong and Minyan have a reason to persist alongside one another. It's why Luohou Jidu gives his heart and life to Sifeng. It’s why Sifeng is able to save Xuanji. It's why the three realms are blessed with the chance to keep finding a reason to persist.

Sifeng and Xuanji’s story is a journey of overcoming all odds; of learning to love someone unconditionally not because it’s easy, but because you want to; of letting that love grow into a ray of hope in the world. Yes, if we let it, love wins all.

Sifeng: Your heart has become one of flesh and blood. It couldn’t bear to destroy the three realms. Because…it’s a heart that I held and warmed in my hands, bit by bit.

#love and redemption #琉璃 #scribbles*#originally this was only going to be about the racism #then the further i got the more i thought “well you can't just talk about the racism and not everything else”#and after adding “everything else” i figured i might as well do a sifeng/xuanji relationship analysis while i was at it #so here we are #it's below 10k words though :D so still bite-sized? ...lol

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rw-ship-showdown · 8 months

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WEEK 6/6

HOW THIS WILL WORK: between 10 slugcats, there are 44 viable pairings one could and likely has concocted. this blog will have them face off against each other to see who reigns supreme.

5 weeks of hard competition have shown us the top three of two branches; now in week 6 we will see who rises above as the true premium ship- Artisaint or Artihunter?

join our discord server!

GOOD VIBES ONLY! there will be no discourse and no hurt feelings- it's just a good natured competition to see who wins a title on the internet, so don't take it too seriously. two pairs will be randomly placed against each other with a weeks time for votes to be cast, and the highest at the end of the week moves on to the next week. two lucky winner pairs on week one will be carried through week two to compete again in week three due to the number of pairings being nonideal.

as of week two, the formula has shifted slightly- losers of week one are given one second chance and will face against each other until week 5, where the #1 of both brackets, an overt winner and an underdog, will face off on week 6.

this blog is ran by @omensgate which is ran by @summonhouse! we currently do not deal in iterators- maybe check in later?

this will be the only post in the rain world tag to avoid annoyance- otherwise, the polls themselves will be tagged only with "rw ship tournament" and the respective ship tags, prefixed w rw. let me know 1. if im missing any ship name (i tried to avoid using ship names that have been DECLARED, but NEVER posted with) or 2. the ship name is incorrect and causes bother.

#rain world #rw shipping #bracket poll #tumblr tournament

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lorcandidlucienwill · 3 months

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Spoilers for the CC3 bonus chapters:

But Ember seethed at Rhysand, “Don’t bother obliterating my daughter.” Fury blazed through her. “When I get back to Midgard, I’m going to do it myself." “Right,” Ember bit out. “We’re just pathetic, weak, stupid humans. Little more than chattel to you.”

Rhysand snarled something that Nesta’s shoulders tensing; her head bowing.

And Ember found herself pushing out of her chair, stalking for the doors. Randall tried to grab her, but he was too late. And Azriel didn’t stop her as Ember flung open the glass doors and asked Rhysand, “Isn’t it a little early to be biting people’s heads off?”

The trio froze. Rhysand slowly turned toward Ember. His eyes were black pits. “I don’t recall asking you to join our conversation.”

Ember kept her chin high. “You interrupted my breakfast. If you wanted privacy, you should have gone somewhere else.”

Was that amusement shining in Cassian’s eyes? Ember didn’t dare take her attention off Rhysand to confirm. Randall appeared at her side, a hand on her back in warning as he said, “We’ll leave you to it.”

But Ember refused to move, even as a part of her quailed in terror, and said, “Nesta made a choice to harbor us—she made a choice to give Midgard a shot at freedom. To give my world hope. What kind of person are you to rip her to shreds for it?”

“Em,” Randall cautioned.

Rhysand crossed his muscular arms. “Are you calling me a monster, Ember Quinlan?”

“I’m saying give it a fucking rest,” Ember snapped. Behind her, she could have sworn Azriel choked. But she jerked her chin toward Nesta. “Lay off her.”

Rhysand held her stare. For a moment, an eternity. Stars seemed to flicker into existence in his eyes. Like the vastness of night lay within, sweet and terrible, beautiful and harrowing.

But Ember withstood it. She’d seen and faced true evil. Bore a mark on her cheek forever because of it.

Something seemed to soften in Rhysand’s stare—like he saw that. His gaze slid over to Randall. “With a wife and a daughter like yours, I don’t know how you’re still standing.”

Ember didn’t smile, though. Her gazed landed on Nesta. The Fae female wasn’t laughing, either. Her blue-gray eyes remained fixed on Ember. Swimming with emotion.

Surprise. Gratitude. Longing.

And it was that same mother’s instinct that had guided her last night that had Ember extending a hand toward Nesta and saying, “Come. Eat breakfast with me.”

Nesta took her hand, her fingers surprisingly cold. Like the flight up here hand chilled them. Ember gave them a squeeze. “Don’t let him push you around,” Ember advised the female.

“Don’t worry,” Nesta said, even if that bruised look lingered in her eyes. “My sister—Rhy’s mate—gave him that exact same lecture twenty minutes ago.”

Ember hissed, “So he brought you back up here to lecture you away from her?”

Nesta snorted. “No. Feyre put an end to the argument. I'm not going to be executed. Not today, at least.”

At Ember’s horrified expression, Nesta amended, “They wouldn’t kill me. I don’t think. But . . . it’s complicated. I doubt anyone will be forgiving me anytime soon.”

Ember nodded toward Cassian. “What about your mate?”

The pain in her eyes—the guilt—seemed to deepen. “Cassian’s the most furious with me of anyone.” A muscle ticked in her jaw. Like she was holding back a giant wave of raw emotion. Only a wall of steel kept it at bay.

Ember squeezed Nesta’s hand again. “If there’s anything I can do to help, anything you need me to say to take some of the blame away from you . . .”

Nesta gave her a half smile. “Handing Rhys his ass just now was good enough for me.” She steered Ember toward the breakfast laid out for them.

Ember glanced over a shoulder, to where Randall stood with Rhysand, Azriel, and Cassian. All the males were now smiling, thank the gods. “Seems like Randall’s doing a good job of winning them over. Probably by telling them how difficult I make his life.”

Nesta snorted again. “Complaining about mates: it’s practically a competitive sport for them.”

Ember chuckled. “Seems like Midgard and this place have some things in common, then.” She angled her head, taking in the beautiful, ancient-looking city far below, the river wending through it, and what seemed to be the distant sparkle of the sea. “What is this place, anyway? And why are all of you so attractive?”

Nesta smirked, looping her arm through Ember’s before she said, warmth finally entering her tone, “Welcome to the Night Court, Ember. You’ll fit right in here.” I AM IN TEARS!!! EMBER SUPPORTING NESTA AS SHE SHOULD!!!!! RHYSAND AND CASSIAN BEING DICKS AS USUAL BUT EMBER QUINLAN IS OUR QUEEN! THE MOTHER NESTA DESERVES!!! HELL YEAH BABY FUCK THE INNER CIRCLE!!

#ember quinlan #nesta archeron #pro nesta archeron #anti ic #hofas

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legitalicat · 3 months

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Out of Time

Chapter 4 - "Eldest Son to Eldest Daughter"

an: I am so glad people are enjoying this story! I've been playing with this concept for nearly a year now. I hope you enjoy this chapter just as much! I want to go ahead and put this out there. I have borderline personality disorder and quite a few other mental illnesses, so all of that influences relationships in my life, which is reflected a lot in this story. Also this is not canon Aegon. This is a version of Aegon that lives permanently in my head.

If you love this header go check out zaldritzosrose for more amazing work! She is tagged on the series masterlist and on my welcome post!

Find the series Master list here!

Summary: Being the eldest child of the Queen or King is a weight many did not understand. It is a weight that dictates her every choice, ruling her heart and mind. Aegon, understanding the feeling, gives her the gift of a connection she could not have with another person.

TW: Very blatant mental health struggles, Substance Use (I added 🍃 into this world cause it not being in there is unrealistic), talks of alcoholism, religious talk, mentions of injury, self image issues, bad parents, divorced parents, moon tea, Aegon is so in love with reader it makes me ache

Relationships: Aegon Targaryen ii x Velaryon!Reader, past Aegon Targaryen ii x Helaena Targaryen

Word count: 3.7k

When I woke up this morning, only to find Jace gone from my bed and a cup of moon tea on the table, all I wanted was to hide away from the world. But there was more to my life than just Jace and Aemond. I had others who loved me, who had missed me this entire time. With that in mind, I dressed for the day in a simple lilac colored dress, drank the tea in one quick gulp, and had Ser Erryk escort me to Helaena’s chambers.

Her and Aegon’s children were with him for the morning. With both of them still happily in the Red Keep, I suppose it made sharing their children’s time easier. Though I don’t believe there has been a situation such as this ever. Most marriages that ended in annulment happened because there weren’t children from my understanding. Though until now I had not known of anyone who had gotten an annulment.

“How did my mother grant the end of your marriage?” I couldn’t help but ask Helaena. We were working on our cross stitching together. It was an activity that soothed her and I was all the happier to make sure she was calm. “Doesn’t the Faith typically have to be in agreement? And I mean, you two had three children together, wouldn’t they just deny it?”

Helaena chuckled. “I often times forget how little you and your brothers paid mind to the teachings of the Seven,” she said to me.

Fair enough, I suppose. Technically speaking, we are followers of the Seven. Yet anyone with eyes knew that we only did it because we kind of had to. I don’t believe Mother or Laenor had any vested interest in their teachings. They certainly never passed anything on to us outside of the bare minimum. I know my father’s family believed in the Seven, but since he was never allowed to claim us, he had no right to teach us his beliefs. In truth I only knew anything about them from Alicent.

“So explain it to me as though I’m five,” I said, shrugging a bit.

“It is unholy to hold one in a marriage against their will. Aegon and I were so young when we were married, and it was done under the misguided notion that your mother and family may seek to squash any competition for the Throne, so it was not difficult to make a case for it to be an unlawful marriage. Though I do feel that Rhaenyra may have reminded the Septon that he can be and would be a delicious snack for Syrax should he not see reason,” she told me. The smile that played at her lips as she thought of it was enough to make me smile.

“And what is it you wish to do now?” I asked her.

“I am perfectly content to live my life here. I love my family, I love my home. Though I do wish my mother had bothered to ever understand me,” she explained.

My smile fell from my lips. Time changed many things but Helaena’s distance from Alicent didn’t seem to be one. It was unfortunate, truly, as Helaena was wonderful. She may be more into bugs than most people, she may have her dreams and episodes, but she was not mad. In fact when actually making an effort to know her, one could find she was the opposite.

I had always wished I could see the world Helaena does. The world that I live in is dark and dreary, a place where one loses any semblance of a father before they even understand how great they are. It is a place where most everyone prefers men over women, despite the women being capable and strong in their own right. The world I live in? It is not a place built for Helaena.

Yet the one she lives in? People are praised for what they have done. There is no consideration other than who truly is right and just. Even in the darkest moments in which her mother tried to keep her from being who she is, my mother always gave safe passage to her sweet sister. Helaena paid no mind to those who were insignificant unless they hurt her family or her bugs.

It Is not to say she is naïve. In fact, I would think she sees more truth than any of us. But being the third child, born after an eldest daughter and eldest son, is very different than being the eldest. She did not have to fight to prove she was worthy like Mother did. And she does not have to step away because she knows she would not be accepted over her brother as I do…

I was born approximately two hours before Jacaerys. A long time between twins as I’ve been told, but enough time there was no doubt about who came first. Truthfully to my mother I don’t think it mattered which of us was born before the other. We are twins and therefore she always gave us the choice.

She explained to me that her father had named her heir before he had any other living children and never looked back. Once Aegon was born, most expected Viserys to change his mind. But he remained steadfast in his decision, never caring if Mother still wanted it. To this day I don’t know if she did. As such, she wanted to make sure we always had a choice.

“You’re doing it again,” Helaena said softly.

When I looked to her, she nodded her head to my hands. I had been so completely lost in thought that I didn’t notice I had repeatedly pricked my fingers with the needle I was using. Blood seeped through the fabric in several dots scattered around.

“Sorry,” I muttered before sitting the cross stitch down. Standing, I walked over to the bowl of water that was kept for washing her hands and dunked my fingers in it a few times.

“Our mothers are planning a feast to celebrate your return,” she told me as I turned back around. “I think it will happen week’s end.”

Naturally. It seemed they always found a reason to celebrate me. On my name day, it was always me who got doted on. Jace got put in the shadows, not that he seemed to mind much though. When I claimed Vhaela, only a few weeks before I disappeared, it was a much brighter occasion than Aemond claiming Vhagar. When I returned to King’s Landing, it overshadowed the tourney being held for Aegon to celebrate his own name day.

It was never my Intention, truly. Those around me just deemed me important. I had never wanted to be the center of attention. All I wanted was to do right by my family. Never have I sought out great fortune or the throne for myself, though technically it should be mine by birth order. All I craved was love.

“Are you happy?” I asked her, trying to change the subject.

“Yes. Aegon is a wonderful father, but he could never love me. And I do not love him,” she told me.

Before I was given the chance to respond, the chamber doors opened. Helaena’s children ran to her. The twins, Jaehaera and Jaehaerys, were nearing twelve at this point. They looked it, too. If you were to ask me, Jaehaera looked like Alicent but with the typical Targaryen silver hair and violet eyes. Jaehaerys and Maelor, who was nearing eight, were carbon copies of Helaena. They had the same curl to their hair as she did, their noses equally as small and rounded.

As the three children excitedly talked about their morning, I quietly excused myself from the room. While she would never say anything, there was not a place for me with Helaena and her children by myself. Those kids don’t remember me, though I remember Helaena’s every letter describing them in their early years. For both pregnancies, there was not a movement they made inside her that did not warrant a letter to me. But that was then.

In the corridor, Aegon stood and spoke with Ser Erryk. Erryk had a twin too, named Arryk. From what I remembered, Arryk and Aegon were quite close, the former taking on the watching over of the latter once Aegon hit puberty.

“Beautiful kids,” I said to him, offering a small smile. When he looked to me and smiled, I couldn’t help but blush a deep red.

“Thankfully they take more after Helaena,” he said to me. He stepped closer to me, extending a hand to rest under my chin. I swallowed hard as he tilted my face around in the light. “You should perhaps be more careful.”

“I shall keep that in mind,” I said, unable to hide my chuckle.

“Where are you headed to? I could join you,” he suggested as he offered his arm to me to take, dropping his hand from my chin.

“I was just going to head back to my room. Truly, Aegon, there is no need to bother yourself,” I told him.

“My darling, there is never a bother when it comes to you.” His voice was light and airy, as though the words he spoke were just the most casual thing in the world. But there was a firmness to them that I truly believe only he could accomplish.

It wasn’t so much a demand. He was not like Aemond, demanding and sure of himself. He was not like Jace, either, in being soft and guiding always. Aegon was something entirely different.

He had always seemed arrogant. He was the first born son so it was natural that he grew into believing he deserved everything he wanted. But only when you spoke to him when everything else was quiet did you ever get the truth.

He had never been much more than a scared little boy. There were frequent talks of what he feared would happen when Viserys had died. He had always been scared his mother would try to force him to take the Throne. When he was betrothed to Helaena, he was scared he wouldn’t be good enough for her. He was scared that I would grow to hate him, completely ignoring that I could never hate him.

The closeness I shared with Aegon was something that bordered on secretive. While it wasn’t that we felt the need to hide, as there truly was never anything to hide, it was what made him comfortable. He would come to me late at night when he could not sleep. I think it is when he felt safest. Even when we were children he preferred the night.

It was in the night that he saw beauty in his life. He didn’t struggle as much then to resist drinking, which had always seemed backwards to me but he swore it. The pressures that were placed upon him from Otto and Alicent didn’t exist at night. The person he truly is was enough for the shadows of darkness.

Perhaps it is my own cockiness but I like to think I see a side to him that others don’t. When we were alone I got to hear him sing. I don’t think anyone else knew he liked to sing let alone how good he was at it. The first time he ever sang me a song that he had picked up in a tavern, tears sprang to my eyes. And when he isn’t drunk, he is quite smart. He knows politics even better than Aemond. He knows how to get people to like him and trust him, a rare commodity in this world.

And if Helaena says he is a wonderful father, I have no doubt about it. I remember him writing to me the first time Helaena was pregnant. He was so happy and excited, determined to be better to his children than Viserys ever had been to him. When I had come back to King’s Landing, while he still struggled with the drink, he was so devoted to making sure they didn’t see it.

“I would be glad to have you along,” I said, smiling at him. Though I didn’t take his arm. He merely nodded at me and followed me, allowing me to set the pace in which we walked.

As we walked, we walked in silence. Our footsteps echoed off the stone walls, the small ching and squeak of Ser Erryk’s armor followed behind us. I was perfectly comfortable.

We got to my room in just a few minutes as it wasn’t far from Helaena’s. Ser Erryk took his place beside my door. I gave him a small smile and nod before leading Aegon into my room.

He took a seat in a chair in front of the fireplace. He seemed like maybe he ran cold, always choosing to sit close to fires or walking around wrapped in a blanket. I was like that too, of course, much to the hatred of Jace when we shared a room still.

“I am happy to see you home, have you need of anything?” he asked me when I sat in the chair next to his.

“I merely wish there was something I could take for the pain that wasn’t milk of the poppy. The way it muddled your father’s mind has made me certain I will never use it,” I told him simply.

He nodded softly and reached his right hand up his left sleeve. “In case you have not been told, I want you to know I am sober now. Have not had a sip of wine since the night you disappeared,” he told me.

“Aeg, that’s amazing. I am so proud of you,” I said as my heart felt like it was going to burst.

Truly I don’t think he had ever stood a chance against being a drunkard. Mother told me a long time ago how Viserys was giving Aegon wine by his second nameday. I never could understand why Alicent was so okay with that, especially because for my entire life she had yelled at him for being drunk. Like the night Aemond lost his eye, Aegon got blamed for not protecting him because even at thirteen he went and got so drunk he passed out on the steps. How on earth did she go from so passively allowing him to drink when he was a baby to being so vile about his problem?

He looked at me, his face saddened for a split second before he grinned and pulled out a pouch. “The Grand Maester told me to use this. It’s hemp. Mostly used for creating things, building and whatnot. But someone at the Citadel found if you consume it, it gives you what they call a high. But it is gentler on the health than being drunk. I’m not sure the process but they cook it into butter and then can bake it into things.”

He opened the pouch and pulled out a biscuit the size of his palm. He split it in two and offered me half. It didn’t look abnormal or smell any different. The biscuit looked very appetizing though.

“Do I just eat it?” I asked him, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes. But start slow. Too much at once and you’ll be completely incapacitated. Just a small bit should help your anguish, both physically and mentally,” he explained. “It will not be immediate like milk of the poppy. But it will be effective.”

Cautiously, I took a bite, eating on a quarter of my half. This was something I would never have done on my own. Yet Aegon had never truly steered me wrong, always seeming to have my best interests at heart.

After he took his own bite, eating a little more than I did, a silence fell between us as he just watched the flames. Aegon sometimes seemed like he wished that the world would open and swallow him whole. The way he would avoid looking at me, or anyone for that matter, spoke volumes about how uncomfortable he was even if nobody else realized it.

I remember once he told me that if he didn’t look at people he could convince himself they weren’t looking at him. When I tried to point out that wasn’t right he just put his hand over my mouth so that I couldn’t. It was that moment I realized how alike he and I are.

I escaped the duties of being Mother’s eldest child by pretending I wasn’t. Stepping aside so that Jace could be heir and acting as though I was okay with it was the biggest way I accomplished this. If I were honest, I wanted to be Queen, not Queen Consort. Hiding that fact from everyone, including my twin, repeatedly affirming his place as the next King essentially robbed me of a piece of my identity and forced me into a new one. One in which I was meant to stand by his side and have his children.

Aegon liked to hide from being the eldest son by pretending he didn’t exist. He didn’t just refuse those duties. He simply treated them as though they weren’t real. He used to disappear rather frequently for a few days at a time, only to be found in a tavern or a brothel and dragged back to the Keep. He had always been so drunk he never remembered his time there.

“I missed you,” he said quietly. “I know you never felt for me the way you did Jacaerys, or even Aemond. But you are probably the only woman I’ve ever loved.”

He didn’t look at me when he said it which made me wonder why he did. It seemed silly to me how badly I wanted him to look at me. My entire life I felt like I had been begging Aegon to look at me.

He was right, I never felt for him the way I did Jace or Aemond. But he was the first person that ever made me blush. He was the first person who I considered marrying for any reason. He was my first crush and I think that for a lot of people that was a pretty sacred role.

I wanted a dragon so badly because of his relationship to his own dragon, Sunfyre. I don’t remember exactly when they came together, only that Aegon claimed Sunfyre just as I claimed Vhaela. And they were a sight to see together, having potentially the strongest bond of any dragon and rider. I swear Aegon could be hundreds of leagues from Sunfyre, merely think of needing him, and Sunfyre would go there without a second thought.

There was also the fact that they were very beautiful together. Sunfyre was perhaps the most beautiful dragon to ever exist. His scales were a dazzling, glittering gold while his belly and wing membranes for a soft pink. When he stood tall, he looked like a perfect golden statue.

Aegon was the epitome of Targaryen beauty. His silver blonde hair was not as long as Aemond’s, but was chin length and began curling near the end. He had the classic Valyrian lilac eyes that sparkled in the firelight. He had a square jawline and lips fuller than Aemond’s. He was about five inches taller than me, and therefore Jace since he was my height, at about five foot ten, and just two inches shorter than Aemond.

He truly was a beautiful mixture of Jace and Aemond. His eyes, hair, and eyes were soft in such a way they drew me in. Yet his jawline was sharp like he was chiseled in stone. One could argue all the gods in the universe came together to create the perfect man in him.

I became very aware I was staring at his lips. My cheeks became hot as the blood rushed to them. He turned to look at me, a small goofy smile on his face when he saw me looking. It caused my cheeks to become even hotter.

“You’ve been staring for quite a while, how are you feeling?” he asked me.

“Fine,” I said as I shrugged.

My feet didn’t quite feel right though. Like they didn’t really exist but they do exist. He chuckled at something, I’m guessing my face, and I could feel a giggle bubbling up in my chest.

“Oh you feel it,” he told me, grinning.

“You’re pretty,” I whispered, leaning towards him. “Have I ever told you that?”

“Pretty?” he asked.

Slowly, I nodded. He was pretty. But not the way Mother or Helaena was pretty in an elegant and sophisticated way. He was the type of pretty like fire. One that was dangerous and wild, where I couldn’t quite guarantee I would make it out alive.

“You’re pretty, too,” he told me quietly.

I think he was the only one to ever call me pretty. Aemond called me beautiful and Jace called me perfect, yet never pretty. Except the times they called me pretty during sex, that is. Being pretty in the mundane was something special to me. It was like I was a flower or even a star.

He reached out and took my hand. We sat in silence for a while. There was no way I could tell how long we sat there, just looking at each other while saying nothing. It felt nice in a way I could not explain.

“My darling pretty girl,” he whispered, rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb. “How is your pain?”

“Better, thank you, Aegon,” I whispered.

My heart was light in my chest. It fluttered rapidly, my cheeks heating up once again. He was looking at me like I was precious to him.

He stood from the chair, moving to stand in front of me. The flutters turned to a steady pounding. It was beating in my ears loudly. Aegon didn’t say anything before he leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to the tip of my nose, something that he had done when we were kids.

“I will ask the Maesters to prepare you the same biscuits. I do not like to think of you in pain,” he whispered to me. “And it may help if your thoughts get to be too much.”

Without saying another word, he took his leave. He walked out of the room, leaving me to sit alone with only my thoughts of him.

#dividers by benkeibear #aegon targaryen ii #aegon targaryen x reader #helaena targaryen #mental illness in fiction #out of time

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harlowcomehome · 1 year

Text

No Answer:

I call my ex "No Answer"

As in that's my nickname for her ’cause when I call, no answer.

You lay in bed, watching the phone ring. At this point it was routine, you knew Jack was in town and he tried to reach you every time, even though you never answered.

He always had hoped you’d pick the phone up, but deep down he knew the chances were slim.

You had been broken up for months now, so why was he still calling?

You were just in bed reminiscing about all that happened between the two of you.

You and Jack met through mutual friends, over a year ago. One of your friends was having a party for Derby weekend and he showed up with Copelan. You had never met him before but it didn’t take long for the two of you to become practically inseparable.

He was drawn to your confidence and you his humor. Jack knew how to make things feel light and airy, something you weren’t used to. He constantly made a joke of things, and that would normally bother you but not when it came to Jack.

Being with him made you feel safe, something you didn’t have a lot of growing up. You didn’t trust easily but with Jack, it felt like second nature. At first, it was intimidating to you but once the walls came down the two of you were pretty much a package deal.

The night you met the two of you played air hockey, Jack was a sore loser but you were still convinced he let you win for conversation's sake. Copelan swore up and down to you that Jack wouldn’t do that, as he had a naturally competitive nature.

Jack let you think that though, but truthfully you were just better at most things than him.

You and Jack hadn’t been dating long when he started to gain more traction, and your own insecurities set in. You didn’t feel safe and secure anymore, and you felt like you had to fight for a spot in your boyfriend's life.

The two of you rarely argued in the beginning. Now when you did, it was usually your fault. Your defense mechanism was to push him away before he left on his own, and he didn’t understand why.

He had no intention of ever being without you.

When he told you that he was doing a music video for What’s Poppin, your jealously picked a fight.

You played that fight over in your head a lot, knowing you probably ruined a very pivotal moment in his career. You had regrets now, but at the time it made sense to you.

Jack ran into the room, excited, eyes wide like a little kid. He told you about the call he received and that Cole Bennett wanted to film the music video but you tuned him out once the idea was told to you.

Jack explained it would be in a diner and he’d be surrounded by women, you swore up and down that, you felt your blood physically boil.

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” He sat next to you concern painted across his face.

“You’re going to be surrounded by all those beautiful women and forget all about me” you huffed.

“Baby, that would never happen” he sighed, having been through this before. “Do you wanna be in the video?” His face fell, and you could tell he felt defeated.

You shook your head, trying your best not to escalate the argument.

That night ended in tears, both your own and Jack's.

After that night you swore you’d be better, more understanding, and less jealous. And you were, for a while.

Jack ended up recording his first album, with a big label behind him meaning he had tons of opportunities that he never had before. Which also meant he was rarely ever home.

You knew you had to let him go, for the sake of his career. You knew he wanted this more than anything in the world and you didn’t want to stand in his way because you were insecure.

You remember the breakup like it was yesterday, it stayed forever engraved in your mind. The way Jack's face fell when you told him you couldn’t do it anymore broke you over and over again for months.

“But I love you, don’t you love me too?” he shouted, his lips trembling. His blue eyes filled to the brim with tears.

“It’s because I love you that I can’t do this anymore.”

He didn’t understand it at the time but the older and wiser he got, it started making more sense.

You shut your eyes tight, trying not to cry as you remembered the door slamming shut for the last time.

When Jack called your phone all the memories came flooding back, but you couldn’t bring yourself to block his number.

You watched as your phone rang for the second time tonight, Jack never called a second time, and your curiosity got the best of you.

“Hello? Are you okay?”

“Hi, I am now” his voice was warm, inviting and you immediately knew answering was likely the wrong decision. “Thought you’d never answer, remind me to change your name in my phone.”

“What is it?” You asked nervously.

“No answer, because when I call you don’t answer” he teased, knowing you loved his banter.

#Jack Harlow #Jack Harlow x reader #jack harlow fanfic #jack harlow concept #jack harlow imagines #jack harlow blurb

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bbanghiitomi · 9 months

Text

| cut my chest open, my heart is yours to take

synopsis: kang haerin hates herself, and believes the world hates her too — that's not true because you love her.

— nonidol!khaerin × nonidol!fem!reader

ฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ

you should say it to my face, tell me how much i've changed — maybe we can find a way, let's mend these broken pieces, i want to love you once again.

"what's your answer?" haerin hears you whisper in her ear, she raises her eyebrows at you as she glances at you with her peripheral vision. haerin sees you looking at her with hope, but her head stays still — trying her best not to turn her head to face you. haerin is quite worried that the calculus teacher will notice them. it's the 2 minute drill time — he's giving the class at least 2 minutes to answer the problem he has on the board. haerin gulped the lump on a throat and moved her paper a bit for you to see.

only a few seconds left, haerin noticed you put your head down and started writing — luckily, you were very fast at writing and was able to finish quickly.

"only 30 seconds left." mr. kang stated, standing behind his desk, eyes looking over everyone. haerin stood up and made her way to his desk to hand her paper after you had finished copying. he checked it quickly and marked a perfect score with his red pen.

"is there anyone else?" haerin was the first one to get the answer. there were students who started lining up and haerin saw you make your way to the line, you even looked at her and gave her a toothy smile.

haerin usually tried her best to get a full score on every drill, it's a good way to pull her marks up when she gets a not-so-good score in her calculus test. haerin thinks she's a good learner, haerin picks up topics easily and tries her best to participate whenever she can.

haerin just has bad study habits, haerin doesn't really have lots of close friends in class — haerin only knew you, but you guys were not close, just friends who happened to be seatmates. you were the person who always needed help in calculus and statistics, or anything related to math like physics and chemistry.

at this age, most students who do well in academics like haerin would be stingy when it comes to helping other students, school is now a war and a competition for them as soon as they hit 16 — and haerin agreed that it really is the battle of the best.

the survival of the fittest.

haerin had never saw it that way though, she's just here to do well for herself, not to beat any kind of records but to get a good education that she could use in the future.

since haerin did not have a lot of friends, there is no way for her to learn a great strategy in studying for exams, haerin does well in other classes but haerin had a hard time maintaining a healthy study habit, and it is affecting her marks in her calculus and statistics tests.

you thought the opposite though, you praised haerin for maintaining a good grade even though haerin rarely made study notes for tests to use, even though her only way of studying was with her phone and even though haerin only relied on her notes in order to remember lessons.

you admired her scores, haerin usually get good marks in other classes but she always seems to have a hard time maintaining good marks in mathematics, it's truly her weakness.

but once you told her.

"ah well, it really doesn't define your intelligence right? tests are just a way to see what you've learned by recalling past lessons and compiling them into one paper, in the end your other scores in activities will say otherwise."

haerin agreed, but it's still bothering her how she can't really find a good way to test herself.

"y/n, can i copy your notes?" even though you weren't one of the top students, haerin can always count on you when it comes to complete notes, one of your favorite hobbies is writing, you love jotting down notes and getting your hand busy, haerin noticed — meanwhile, haerin is more focused on listening, only jotting down important words, there are times teachers required complete notes as extra activity.

you happily handed her your notes. "here! by the way, we have a short test next week for statistics. i don't really remember the coverage and i'm quite scared i don't remember anything about the lessons." you told her, haerin looked at you as she took your notes from your hand and sat down beside you.

"oh, you're right. i do know the coverage, but i haven't studied it yet. i tried but nothing really comes up inside my head." haerin answered, seriously — yesterday, she tried to review the things that are part of the test, yet haerin had a hard time registering the terms and formulas because of how easily distracted she gets.

it has gotten really annoying at this point.

haerin even tried techniques to help her but they won't work.

you smiled at her, then you scooted closer and haerin could feel your shoulder brush against hers.

"let's study together! i can help you and you can help me." haerin liked the idea, it seemed like a good suggestion to have someone to study with so both can analyze the points that they need to improve at.

so haerin agreed.

"alright, we can study at your place if you want." haerin told you, you cheered and raised your fist. "let's go!"

haerin liked your presence, a lot more than she expected. you're like the marshmallow to her chocolate, when you're snug and melted by each other's warmth the two of you become so good together.

haerin noticed that your presence beside her eased her tense posture, haerin is not used to such company when she studies but as time passed by haerin got comfortable with your company. you were so nice to her and actually listened!

haerin didn't even realize you've been studying with her for three hours, it felt short. if that time was spent sitting by the classroom and listening to statistics, haerin would've already been knocked out on her desk. but maybe because haerin enjoyed your company, the time went faster than it usually does.

the next day, when everyone took the statistics short test, haerin felt weird — everything on the paper was easy, it felt like she had just acquired all the knowledge she needed to get a perfect mark that she wasn't expecting.

and so haerin did, everyone was amazed, including you, as always.

"oh my god! you are so smart!" you got a passing score, you were already grateful for that, even went through lengths to thank haerin by treating her to lunch at the nearest restaurant that your friends usually go to.

haerin doesn't go out a lot, haerin barely has anyone to be with and haerin does not have the time in this world to spend on such things.

"i didn't expect to do that well either." haerin sheepishly laughed, suddenly embarrassed by the amount of praise she's been receiving from you. haerin never really felt like this whenever someone would tell her how smart she was, no matter how much someone thanked her for her kindness. only this time with you and it's such a weird feeling to have.

it's like having cramps but in a funny way.

in a way haerin would be happy to experience again.

"no really, my mom was amazed that i got a passing score, and not a 'barely passing' score! she gave me a bonus allowance!" you cheered, sitting across from her. haerin smiled, and it felt like the most genuine smile she had in a while.

it felt weird on her face, like she had moved more muscles than she usually does.

"that's great, i'm glad i could help." haerin never realized how happy she sounded, how — how does she explain this? her tone was a lot weirder than usual, haerin doesn't usually speak in such a bright tone, it has always been monotonous.

but you didn't mind it, of course you didn't.

studying together for exams or important quizzes has become your routine with her, haerin realized the reason she did well while studying is because haerin gets to review what she teaches you and get all the information stuck inside her head.

your presence is a huge comfort for her too, haerin knows you wouldn't judge her mistakes and would be willing to help.

while you were on a short break, something came up and you got a message from someone.

when you peeked at your phone haerin witnessed a very huge smile on your face, and haerin couldn't help but wonder what you were reading — you even looked at her with excitement and continued typing.

"sorry, someone just messaged me. anyway, let's go study again!"

haerin found out that you had just started dating a boy from another school hailing from the other city, kim woonhak.

haerin didn't really know what to feel about that, but she was pretty sure that she had to be more aware of her actions with you. unlike before, haerin doesn't get too close with you, she tries not to make unnecessary skin contact with you when you are together, when she looks at you, haerin tries not to stare too much and stuff because haerin finds that it might be a little weird.

even the way haerin messages you has changed, haerin can't let anyone think she's getting in the way of your relationship — haerin felt weirded out by that thought that she tried to become less "friendly" with you to avoid conflicts.

it seems like the conflict isn't with you and woonhak, but with her and her own heart.

haerin slowly realized that she was being defensive, in denial? in fact, you seemed to notice her dismissive behavior, but haerin can't find a good reason to try and divert your attention away from her actions.

haerin thought it would be weird if she told you the truth, right?

haerin had lots of thoughts that clashed against each other, and it's making her dizzy.

haerin knew she needed a break to think about it a lot more.

"hey y/n, can we not have our usual study sessions for this week? i don't think i'm feeling too well and i think i need some rest." haerin lied, because she had found out that it was the easiest way to avoid you asking her questions, it sounded personal enough for you to not think too much about it.

"it's alright, you can rest how long you want as long as you get better. you can just message me whenever you can." you told her, and haerin felt her heart hurt — maybe because she didn't like the thought of lying to you, it made her feel guilty because she's starting to feel like a bad friend.

and maybe, because she won't be the same without you.

it took her so long, until haerin realized.

haerin had to get back to your old routine with her, because she knew it was for the better — both of you would benefit from it and haerin thought that as long as you see nothing wrong with it then it's alright — right?

haerin has so many questions, and haerin cannot find the answers.

these feelings that spiraled inside of her didn't seem to affect her education, haerin thought that your presence still helps her get through the lessons.

but it's funny when you get your break in the middle of the study session and you're busy talking to your boyfriend, haerin tries not to listen but haerin can't seem to hold back the urge. she knew it was rude, but what can she do?

haerin knew you really love woonhak, even in your posts — the way you talked about him, the way you described your relationship with woonhak — you seemed content with that, haerin felt bad she was stealing your time for him, because wouldn't it be better if you went studying with woonhak instead of haerin? you guys were pretty far away from each other but not that far, so haerin doesn't understand what's holding you up.

she was nothing but a friend to you,

and you were nothing but a… friend..?

more than a friend to her.

there's this one time that haerin can remember, you and her were studying but you weren't in the mood — you slumped back and your mood was off. haerin tried not to poke your patience and be nice to you, just in case something private came up and she did her best not to pry.

but you spoke out of the blue which surprised her when haerin head your tone faltering.

"do you think there's no chance to redeem a relationship when both of you have outgrown each other?" usually when you ask haerin questions, your voice sounds cheerful — like you're genuinely curious, happy to have asked a question.

this was the first time you asked her anything about your relationship and to add that you sounded sad.

haerin was confused.

what does haerin even know about love?

she's never been in a relationship before.

"what do you mean?" haerin asked, sounding like a robot more than a concerned friend.

so haerin thought she screwed up, but you smiled — solemnly, that is and clarified.

"you know? our relationship isn't what it used to be, we've outgrown our feelings for each other. it's starting to become mutually toxic for us." you paused, haerin can see you inhale and exhale a deep breath, trying to hold the back tears.

haerin felt bad, because it's reached that point and because haerin can't do anything to help this time.

haerin lets you continue what you wanted to say.

"and it's kind of hard to accept because i know — no, we know it's none of our fault. i kind of realized eventually that it's just not gonna work out and that we will have to end it. i can sense that it's the same for him."

haerin gulped as a lump was stuck in her throat, haerin stayed silent and looked away, haerin herself didn't know what to answer.

"i was wondering if you think there's still a chance." you stated, your eyes looked sad but there was a smile on your lips.

haerin hates it when things are confusing, like your expression. all she wants is to know you.

haerin smiled and looked at her. "honestly, i don't know how i would help you. i'm no expert when it comes to love, but i think you guys are just at the wrong time."

haerin cleared her throat, for some reason, a voice in her head was urging her to tell the truth about her dismissive behavior from before because haerin wanted to clear things up.

"i'm gonna be honest again y/n, the reason i was avoiding and being dismissive to you before is because i'm afraid i might cause a problem with you and woonhak. i — you're seriously a great friend and i wouldn't want to cause you such trouble so i did what i thought was the best thing to do in that situation."

you only stared at her, that's when haerin realized how pretty your eyes were.

you laughed. "you don't have to worry about that, it's over."

haerin didn't know what to feel, haerin needed some type of answer as to why she felt like that because even though haerin might seem to have the hang of it, she actually doesn't know what to do anymore.

why does her heart ache a little?

haerin thinks you are sad.

and haerin does not know how to fix that, so in the end, she's sad too.

as haerin was walking home, she had another conflict with herself — haerin is relieved she got to spend time with you again, like you guys used to before, the closeness was back and you two were like marshmallow and chocolate again bonded by a cracker that is the love you have for her.

but haerin cannot be happy without feeling guilt. haerin can't seem to understand what rooted this feeling, besides the fact that you and woonhak have broken up.

then it hit her, like a train — like a deer in headlights.

haerin liked you,

for a long time.

haerin feels stupid, in reality she wasn't shocked, like an adult going through pages of their photo book filled with memories captured by a single photo — haerin looked back on all the memories you spent with her, haerin knows something must have caused this conflict inside of her head — heart.

and it's that feeling haerin haven't been able to point out after all this time.

haerin is in love with you but you were happy with woonhak.

haerin felt guilty that she was close with you and didn't realize that the guilt came from the fact haerin liked you and might fall even harder.

there was a slim chance haerin might ruin your relationship.

what if woonhak hates her? because he felt like she stole you from him.

haerin has no idea what to do with these feelings, there are too many people who are aware of her closeness with you, your history with woonhak.

if she tried to run after what her heart wants, she might be ostracized for it.

because it sounded wrong.

and once again — trying to reach out to her feelings made haerin feel guilty of becoming that "girl" between you and woonhak because she feared the world might see her that way.

and haerin hated it.

despised it.

haerin wished she knew better than this.

all she ever wanted was to help you.

"haering-ah." you smiled at her, but your smile faltered when you noticed the small frown on her lips how she looked lost staring at thin air.

"what's wrong haerin?" you poked the girl's cheeks and made her look up at you with an alert expression. "a-ah what? hey…" she placed a hand on the cheek you touched, rubbing it.

"you look down, is something bothering you?" you gave her a small pat on her back, it eased the storm inside of haerin, her eyebrows felt stiff — having it hard to crack an expression. she hated how nice you are, she hated how happy you are — the calm in her storm, it felt like she can never get close to your level of being stable.

there's always a rocking quake, a landslide in her head that keeps on destroying the walls in her.

she wants to know.

"did i… does woonhak hate me?" haerin asked you.

you pushed the strands of your hair behind your ear as it kept falling on your face, you shook your head and gave her a smile. "no, why would he? woonhak doesn't hate you, not me, not anyone." you asked, scooting closer to her.

haerin felt your shoulder brush against hers. "i'm sorry if i — what if i, i don't know…" haerin struggled to find the right words, placing a hand on her face with a deep sigh. you kept your hand on her back. "hey, you didn't do anything wrong. i told you, we fell out of it, that's no one's fault, not yours, not his, not mine. who told you that?"

haerin felt tears prickle on her palm, it's like a stream of river, running continuously. haerin sniffled, embarrassed. you leaned your face close to her, concerned. "hey, haerin… what's wrong?" you asked, so gently.

i love you, that's what's wrong —

haerin wiped the tears on her face, turning her head at you slightly. "no one told me — but, i just can't help but think about it. i care about you y/n."

you nodded at her, of course you know that. and you care for her too, more than haerin knows.

"i know. i do too, hmm?"

haerin sniffled, her usual sharp eyes turned soft, fragile — her heart was about to break.

"i love you." haerin whispered.

you heard it, totally did — you looked down, not knowing what to say, it's not like you don't love haerin.

you do, but not yet; not when you've just gone through a heartbreak.

it's not the right time. so instead, you embraced haerin in a hug, rocking her softly.

in that way, she feels your love for her when you're not ready to respond to her words yet.

#female reader #kpop #kpop imagines #newjeans imagines #newjeans #girl group #kang haerin #haerin x reader #newjeans haerin #haerin

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calistrae · 1 year

Note

Hi I really liked your story about Jude! Can I request something where the women's team and the men's team of Barcelona train together and Gavi meets the reader because she is a football player of the women's team? Thank you. ❤️

stargirl. pablo gavi

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

requested: yes/no

pairing: fem!footballer!reader x pablo gavi

warnings: some cursing, slightly cocky!gavi but he gets humbled lmao

notes: sorry it's so short but i hope you enjoy this one <3 thank you for requesting!

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

being one of the most promising rising stars of football, you had clubs chasing you from all directions of the world but your heart was set on one in particular – fc barcelona femení.

to your luck, they had wanted you as much as you wanted them and that's how you ended up here in barcelona, playing alongside some of your biggest idols. up until now, you had never met the guys. your paths just hadn't crossed, surprisingly. a month or so ago, your coach announced everyone in the club would be improving their skills in a training camp. just guys and girls of barça training together and taking on each other in various challenges.

when you stepped foot on the stadium on the first day of the camp, you could feel the difference in the air. you couldn't describe it, it was just...different from the usual. was it possible you could feel testosterone?

stupid? yes, but you could swear it didn't feel like it usually would.

nonetheless, you were excited and jogged over to some of your teammates, greeting them with a hug. it didn't take long for everyone to arrive and while coach was explaining how everything would go down, your eyes began to wander. you had seen all of these men playing, but you had only ever met a handful of them. while your eyes moved down the line, they were met with a pair of hazel ones, probably observing the women's team the same way you were observing the men's.

it was gavi. one of the youngest, yet the most talented midfielders currently in football. your eyes lingered on his for a moment, before you tore them away, glancing down at the ball in front of your feet. your little staring competition hadn't gone unnoticed by nuria standing next to you and in order to alert you of the fact, she gave you a gentle nudge against your arm. confused, you turned your head slightly and were met with a mischievous smile and a shrug.

you raised your eyebrow, holding back a smile as you shook your head before you were given orders to warm up. while you were jogging around the stadium, the midfielder appeared pretty much out of nowhere and was now next to you. "looking for me again?" he questioned, a stupid grin plastered onto his lips. you shot him a look and chuckled "sure, make yourself believe that."

as for the rest of the warm up, you did your thing and he did his, but you couldn't help but feel his eyes on you. surely you had to be overthinking it, right? why on earth would he stare at you when he had much better things to do?

what's worse was that he swore he could feel yours on him and it bothered him so much for whatever insane reason. and it sure did have an effect on his kick-ups. he couldn't get them right, it was ridiculous. as much as he tried to focus on the ball and on his feet, he continued to mess up and the coach clocked it in no time, which resulted him getting a command to get his act together.

you, on the other hand, were thriving despite the discomfort – your kick-ups had never been so perfect. perhaps it was the need to prove yourself or maybe you were subconsciously trying to impress the guy. you didn't quite know but it helped.

in a way it felt like a competition between the two of you. and the proof was right there, you were winning. it made him furious.

it was only during the small break between training sessions that gavi moved over to you. "should focus a little more, could help you actually touch the ball" you teased before taking a long sip from your water bottle. in response, he huffed and ran his hand through his hair that seemed to be messed up just right. "the cat got your tongue?" you continued and smirked as you leaned your back against the railing, feeling the cold metal against your clothed back.

"for someone so pretty, you sure are mouthy" the brunette replied and chuckled in defeat. "fine, you win. can see why they call you that. now, where do you want me to take you, stargirl?"

#pablo gavi #gavi x reader #gavi x you #pablo gavi imagine #pablo gavi one shot #gavi imagine #gavi one shot #fc barcelona #fifa wc #football imagine #football one shot #football #footballer

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wildandsmile · 10 months

Text

𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞 ☆ 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐲𝐚 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫.

🗯️ fem! reader, smut, switch! chishiya, consumption of alcohol and marijuana, light choking, praise, degradation, teasing, porn with plot, a lot of plot, spanking, daddy kink, gradually gets rougher, possessive chishiya, slightly inebriated sex. enjoy.

spoiled. self-centered. intelligent. this woman thinks the sun should rise and set according to her needs. daddy’s girl dumped in the borderlands, left to fend for herself. in this world, it’s kill or be killed, and she was born with a dagger in her manicured hands. serpentine. a striking kind of beautiful, the kind you could drown in, the kind you’d come running for. lethal. that’s how he’d describe her. like a black widow, gorgeous until the bitter end.

(y/n) walked to the log podium and grabbed a phone from it. all eyes on her, as always. the game was that of a puzzle, a thought provoking riddle. she wouldn’t stand a chance. or so he thought. adorned in bracelets, a black mini top and jean shorts, she looked like your average doe-faced lamb, destined to be in the hands of slaughter. she took a few steps back and assessed her competition. a guy who seemed to be in his mid twenties and on the verge of shitting himself, two teenage girls, a teenage boy, herself, a middle aged woman, and.. him.

blonde, unavailable. she caught his eye, he caught hers. he waved. she looked him up and down, taking in all that he had to offer. average height, not like the others. he didn’t drool at the sight of her. didn’t seem to be the slightest bit impressed. she sent a small, polite grin his way. and that was that. the game commenced. she took off her shoes and flexed her toes before she began running. the goal of the game was to collect five metal stars before time ran out. there were fifteen stars hidden in the building, which meant three people would survive. you could take other peoples stars, but you’d have to kill them to do it.

a game of average difficulty, meant to turn man onto man. of course. a guy in his mid twenties, two teenage girls, a teenage boy, a middle aged woman, and him. of the seven original players, three came out victorious. herself, he, and one of the two teenage girls. he caught her eye. she waved. he looked her up and down, gave her a smirk. and that was that.

that was about a month ago. now, (y/n) sat pretty at the beach, an official member. The requirement to be in swimwear at all times didn’t bother her in the slightest. it made her job a whole lot easier. entice, bury, climb. she lied sprawled on a tanning chair by the pool, a mixed drink in one hand, the hand of a poor sap in the other. “beautiful boy,” she’d tell him. “so pretty for me”, she’d say. and that was all it took. some tits and a smile went a long way in this world. any guy, or girl, would easily jump the opportunity to relax in her arms after being on edge one hundred percent of every day. it was hard being lab rats in a maze.

“(y/n).” a stern voice came from above her, as did a shadow, blocking the sun from her body. she raised her sunglasses onto her head and frowned at whoever dared to interrupt her tanning time. “what?” she asked, all attitude and lip gloss. “hatter has requested to see you.” he said. she put a hand over her eyes. it was that.. tall, lanky fellow. keiichi, was his name. or at least she thought it was. “ugh. now?” she whined, pouting her pretty lips. “yes, now.” he mocked her. she frowned. he smirked, satisfied with himself. she leaned over and kissed her newest boy toy on the forehead before swinging her legs over and standing up, letting keiichi lead her to hatter.

“ah, (y/n)! my favorite subject. come in, come in.” hatter announced upon her arrival. she rolled her eyes and keiichi shut the door behind them. hatter had two women on each side of him, kissing him and giggling and shooting her looks that said ‘i have what you can’t’. she didn’t want hatter anyways. yes, he was attractive, but she’d be stupid to get sexually tangled up with him, and stupid was one thing she wasn’t. “what do you want?” she asked, crossing her arms and putting her weight into her left leg, putting her hip to the side. hatter proceeded, “i want you to be one of my executives.”

she blinked once, twice. smiled. “excuse me?” disbelief. “you heard me. i want you to be an executive.” she chuckled despite herself. “why?” hatter rolled his eyes. “if you’re smart, you’ll take the position.” and smart she was. she let hatter give her a new wristband. she was number four. “you will report here every day at ten in the morning and ten at night. am i understood?” she smiled sickeningly sweet. “yes, hatter.” she left the room swaying her hips a little more than usual.

that was three weeks ago. she’d seen the blonde boy, chishiya, multiple times since then. a wave and a grin every time. never anything more. she’d also met a girl named kuina at a game. upon learning she was a beach member, they became friends, and that meant (y/n) saw chishiya much more. still, they never spoke. whenever he was around, she would leave, claiming she had to do something for hatter. she didn’t dislike chishiya, oh no. she disliked how he made her feel. his eyes seemed to possess the ability to see directly through her and she hated it. hated feeling vulnerable, like her being had been opened and dissected for everyone to see. hated that she didn’t know what he was thinking every time he looked at her.

so, here she was. a blonde girl on her left and a brunette boy on her right. she recognized them as some of hatter’s old groupies. the girl held her drink and the boy held her hand, massaging it and babbling nonstop about how pretty she was. she was in the executive commons area, ten o’clock, as she was supposed to be. they had meetings twice a day for various reasons. sometimes they were serious, sometimes they just ripped into each other and joked around. either way, she was always there on time, pretty in pink. she saw the way chishiya had looked at her and her two accessories when he walked in. he smirked like it was funny. whatever.

the meeting went on for thirty minutes, and (y/n) received countless kisses and compliments from her little toys. she’d smile and kiss them back, telling them ‘cut it out, you’ll make me blush’. thirty minutes, she had to deal with being showered in touches and words she didn’t want. but nobody would be any of the wiser, she seemed like she loved it. but he knew.

the moment the meeting was over, (y/n) kissed her toys goodbye and left like her heeled sandals were on fire. she made her way hurriedly out to the pool and to the bar, where she ordered a mixed drink and a lolipop. some flirting with the bartender and a flash of her wristband got her the items for free. she took her drink and her lolipop to the tanning chairs and sat down, gazing upon the people in the pool. the music was obnoxiously loud, the way she liked it to be. it drowned out her thoughts and the idea that other people could be perceiving her the way she perceived them. it didn’t take long for kuina to find her.

“hey!” she said. “hey, sugar.” (y/n) handed her drink to kuina and let her sip from it, the way she always would. kuina laid in the chair next to hers, starting to people-watch. kind of. “did you have to participate in any games today?” “no. did you?” “yeah. me and chishiya.” (y/n) huffed out a little laugh. she’d played three games with chishiya total. he was arguably the luckiest and the smartest person in the borderlands. (y/n) was just smart and fast, a good combination to be.

kuina and (y/n) got about ten minutes together before two of her little toys came running over, whining her name and throwing themselves into her arms. “hello, my lovelies,” she’d say. “you look so pretty for me,” she’d say. they’d coo and kiss her face and hand her drinks and pipes. kuina, by default would get attention too. attention she didn’t necessarily want but was too shy to reject. so they sat together, surrounded by desperate beach members and compliments and alcohol and drugs.

“mama (y/n), can i please..?” a skinny brunette boy asked, giving her doe eyes and holding a small bag. it was cocaine. she knew what he was asking. she nodded and lied back, smirking at him. she watched as the boy placed two lines on her thigh and snorted them up, making her giggle at the tickling sensation. she giggled more at the way the people around them cheered, so amused by the fact an executive would let a lowly member snort drugs off of her body. but of course, the wicked know no peace.

“(y/n).” a rough voice sounded. the brunette sat up and his dazed smile disappeared. he instantly paled and huddled closer to (y/n) like a scared child. she looked up to be met with Niragi’s disgusted yet intrigued face above her, looking at her and her little toy with scrutiny. “yes, niragi?” she said, making her tone high and sickeningly sweet, the way she knew he hated. “don’t play coy with me, whore. you know why i’m here.” she raised an eyebrow, a smile building on her lips. “oh, do i? i guess i might..” she said, pressing her painted fingernail to her lips and biting onto it with a smile. niragi was mad that she had taken his position as fourth. he picked on her for it daily, hoping to eventually scare her into submission. wouldn’t he ever get tired?

“give it up, niragi.”, she cooed, her voice smooth and sweet like a symphony. “it’s not my fault hatter didn’t want you as his rabid lap dog anymore.” at some point, an onlooking crowd had formed, and they collectively made an ‘oh shit’ noise at her words. she saw niragi sneer, felt her boy toy tense up. keeping eye contact with niragi, she leaned over and cradled the boys head against her shoulder, shushing him quietly. “it’s okay, baby, don’t let his rifle scare you. he’s no threat. i won’t let him touch a hair on your pretty little head, okay?”

in the next moment, (y/n) had been grabbed up roughly by her bikini straps and hoisted into the air, being held nose-to-nose with niragi. she could smell him, a mixture of gunpowder, cigarettes and vodka. she smiled in his face. “oh, honey. did i hurt your feelings?” she knew he wouldn’t hurt her. couldn’t hurt her. hatter would have his head on a platter in two seconds flat if she had so much as a bruise. every word she spoke was like a jab to a bear. he grew angrier with each passing second, borderline growling in her face now. “i suggest,” she looked over his shoulder and saw hatter and aguni approaching. she leaned in with a seductive, serpentine glint in her eyes, so close she could kiss him. she licked her lips. “you put me down.”

“niragi.” she was dropped to her feet in an instant, and she couldn’t help the coy grin that played on her lips. the crowd that had formed had grown extremely tense. the tension was thick enough to grab out of the air. the music had stopped, and the main source of entertainment was them. it was silent other than the sound of hatter’s footsteps. he stopped in front of niragi and gazed at him, his face cold and hard. “do we have a problem?” he asked. niragi looked angry enough to spit. but, being smart for once, he swallowed his pride and bit his tongue. “no.” he bit out, flickering an angry, pointed look to (y/n), who was being fussed over by her toys. “are you okay?”, they were asking. “that looked so scary, i was so worried.”, they were saying. “i suggest you go on and mind it.” hatter said. (y/n) paused to watch. both men looked ready to pounce. two, four, five seconds passed before niragi clicked his tongue, turned on his heel, and stormed off. (y/n) chuckled. hatter gave her a look and nodded in her direction, only turning to leave when she returned the gesture.

the crowd dissipated, going off into small groups to discuss what had happened. “oh, (y/n). he’s gonna kill you one day.” kuina said, visibly anxious. “oh, he can try.” (y/n) said, biting the nail of her thumb. she seemed to be thinking for a moment, her eyes glazing over and her teeth toying with her fingernail. “(y/n)! you had me worried sick.” her female toy pouted at her, pressing her boobs against her arm. she turned and smiled, lifting her chin and gazing down at her lips. “i’m sorry, pretty. do you want me to kiss you better?” the girl nodded of course, so (y/n) closed her eyes and pressed her lips against hers firmly, only pulling away when the girl was dizzy and out of breath. the girl giggled like a gleeful child and (y/n) smiled, but she genuinely couldn’t take any more of this.

“i’m going to go to my room now, lovelies.” she said. there were varied reactions, most of them being whining and complaining and pleading with her to stay. she kissed each one of her toys goodbye before turning to leave. “wait!”, one of them called out. she turned around to see the same brunette guy from before holding a small gift bag out to her. “here. for.. uh, yeah.” he smiled shyly, and she felt bad for him. just a little. he reminded her of a little kid with that hopeful, shy gleam behind his hazy eyes. he wouldn’t last very long here. she smiled to him, perhaps the last kind gesture he’d ever receive. “thank you, pretty boy.” she accepted the bag, kissed his forehead and quickly walked away before anybody else could stop her for any reason. she didn’t bother to see what was inside of it.

thankfully, the commons area was surprisingly empty. most people were out by the pool, in the casino room, or their own bedrooms. she thanked whatever god above for that. the sound of her sandals hitting the linoleum floors reverberated against the walls. she made it to the middle of the room, between the two grand staircases before a voice sounded behind her. she was so shocked she almost dropped the gift bag.

“i saw what happened just now.”

she turned around to see chishiya leaning casually against a pillar, that permanent sly smirk on his face. “yeah? what about it?” she asked, a little irritated. she didn’t like to be caught off guard and he had just about scared the piss out of her. “you’re lucky hatter showed up when he did.” she rolled her eyes. “niragi wouldn’t have touched me even if hatter didn’t come.” she grumbled under her breath. she faced him fully now, her arms crossed over her chest. it was silent for the next few moments. chishiya did that thing she hated, saw into her. assessed each detail of her, from the top of her head and her slightly mussed hair down to her pink and white painted toenails.

“why do you let them touch you?” she blinked. “excuse me?” chishiya stepped forward, his hands placed in his pockets. “why do you let them touch you?” he asked again. she stared at him and met that feline gaze, narrowing her eyes. she grinned slowly. “do you smoke?” she asked. he shook his head no. “do you drink?” he shrugged. she looked him up and down, the way she had when they first met. she smirked and turned around, starting towards the stairs. she began the ascent and looked over her shoulder with a sultry glint in her eye. if he was smart, he’d follow.

and that he did. she opened the door to her assigned hotel room and welcomed him in, propping a door underneath the handle the moment they were both inside. she couldn’t have a lock on her door, but she could still block it. she didn’t want anyone coming inside while she was sleeping. then again, they’d have to have a death wish to pull something like that with her. her room was a basic, cozy lovers suite. only the best for an executive. she had decorated it with pink liquor bottles and diamond jewelry, mostly gifts from her toys. she plopped down on her neatly made bed and sighed, smirking in amusement at the way chishiya stood awkwardly in the furthest corner from her.

“i don’t bite. come sit down.” she motioned to the extra chair next to her bed. he slowly walked over and sat down, surprised to discover that the chair spun. he seemed to enjoy that. he silently swayed himself side to side while (y/n) tore into the gift bag she had been gifted, delighted to find a pink mini pipe and a little bag full of grade-a marijuana. “awe, fuck yeah man.” she said, happy as could be. she typically hated her toys, but she loved the gifts they gave. she began packing the bowl as neatly as she could, making sure it was a good one. she lit the bowl and took her first hit, a small one. she didn’t want to get white girl ratchet with chishiya in her room.

“want some?” she offered. he shook his head no. she shrugged. “you never answered my question.” he persisted, his voice calm and even, a satisfied feline expression on his face. he didn’t seem intimidated by her, her beauty, or the fact she could have him dead in four seconds flat. “why would i share such a secret with you?” she asked, lying her bowl down on the bedside table. she got up from the bed as he shrugged and she shimmied over him to get to the mini fridge. she pulled out a whiskey glass and poured some type of liquor into it before bringing it back to chishiya.

“i bet you like rich, sweet corn whiskey more than anything else.” she said. his eyebrow rose and he smirked as he accepted the glass. “lucky bet.” he said. she smiled. she sat down on the bed and crossed her legs, making sure she was positioned directly across from him. she tilted her head curiously, watching him drink as he watched her watch him. he broke the silence. “i bet you let them touch you to gain their trust.” she quirked a curious brow in his direction, lighting up her bowl again. “what makes you say that?” she hummed as she took another small drag, savoring it. he leaned back in the chair and manspread a bit, making himself comfortable.

“you run away from them the moment you can. i see your face when you think you’re alone. you’re disgusted with it, with yourself, maybe. am i right?” she stayed silent. he continued. “i saw the look on your face when you left hatter’s office the day he recruited you. you looked like you had just been told you won a million dollars. which essentially, you had. a million dollars worth of government secrets, and that’s what you wanted.”

chishiya smirked as she tried to hide the fact he was right by keeping a poker face that very slightly faltered every time he stated a new fact. “you want to climb the executive ladder socially and politically so when our leader eventually becomes corrupt and falls, you’ll be the one to take his place. because that’s what you want. power.” he smiled lazily as he brought the rim of his glass to his lips, satisfied with himself. “just a hunch.” he said. she snorted and rolled her eyes. “wow. you were on a roll there for a while, partner.” she said, and she tried not to react to the way he was visibly, slightly taken aback by her response.

“i don’t want power, i want safety. being an executive means nobody touches me while i work the inside reigns and gather information nobody else has access to. being an executive means i can hopefully use what i have to formulate a plan to get the fuck out of here. if i’m good with the people, then nobody accuses me of anything, because nobody wants to see my downfall.” she said, her brows knitting together as she explained, a slight edge in her voice. chishiya smirked and nodded, irritating her further. she so desperately wanted to wipe that smirk off his face.

she leaned forward and braced her hands on her thighs to ground herself. she was close to chishiya, could almost smell him. she glared into his eyes with a sharp gaze, her eyes narrowed. “i bet that you were unhappy with your life in our world. you enjoy the games because you know that you could die and not have to deal with anything anymore, or you could survive and further prove to yourself just how superior and intelligent you are. you don’t care about others lives. this entire world is a big puzzle to you, a puzzle you want to put together and you don’t mind getting people out of the way to solve it.”

she said. chishiya’s eyes widened and he pursed his lips, making a ‘wow, alright then’ expression. “clever girl.” he muttered after a few quiet moments. he sipped deeply from his glass, setting it down once it was empty. she was high, he was buzzed, they were both extremely intelligent, and had high hands in the game of life. not a good mixture. “whatever.” she said, flopping down on her bed. “you’re gonna get high off of second-hand smoke inhalation.” she said. he chuckled. “there’s not enough smoke in the air for that to happen.” she rolled her eyes. “i bet you were a professional smart-ass in our world.” he smirked. “i bet you were a stripper.” she laughed, bitterly albeit. “funny.” “yes, i’m often told that i’m funny.” she rolled her eyes.

“seriously, what were you?” she asked. he kept silent, watching her with a lazy, amused grin. “i bet you were..” she paused to think. “an engineer.” she said. he smiled and exhaled a small laugh type thing. “no. i bet you were a bikini model.” she shook her head, amused. “no. nice to know you think i’m hot enough to be one of those. were you a.. typical office worker?” she asked. “no. babysitter?” “no.”

they went back and forth like that for what must have been a full ten minutes, coming up with things like scientist, escort, pimp, business owner, gymnastics coach, dance choreographer, physics teacher, etc. “okay, i give.” she said, smiling. the atmosphere was relaxed due to both of them being a little ditzy from their substance of choice and it made her happy. she was happy that she wasn’t worrying about being perceived by him and happy that he was loosened up enough to joke around with her the way he was. he’d had two drinks and she’d had three hits by this point. “what were you?” he smirked and looked away, seeming like he was going to withhold the information. when she opened her mouth to say something else, he answered. “a doctor.”

her eyebrows quirked up. “a doctor?” he nodded. “nice.” she said, and as she looked him over, she thought that being a doctor did suit him. “and you?” she leaned back and propped her hands behind her head, gazing up at the ceiling. “i was a competitive aerialist.” he nodded. “that suits you.” “thanks.”

they shared a look for a few moments before (y/n) inhaled deeply and rolled off of the bed, making her way to the window. “wanna dance?” “i don’t dance.” she smirked and opened the window, letting the loud music from downstairs flow in and fill the room. “you do now.” chishiya looked to her. she could see the gears turning in his head. “dance for me.” he said. she paused. “what?” “you said you were a professional aerialist. dance for me.” one, two, four seconds went by of her staring at him before she nodded. she went to her dresser and pulled out long wraps of silk.

“i had a hook installed in here for this exact reason.” she muttered. she swung the silks over the hook and tested their grip before she turned her back to chishiya and took a breath. “look at me.” she said. his gaze flickered to her. “are you looking?” “yes.” she grinned. she began a simple but enticing choreography, caressing the silks and vice versa in the the process. she hoisted herself into the air and turned upside down, letting her legs fall into a spread eagle. she looked to chishiya to see him watching her closely, tapping his fingertips against his empty whiskey glass. she slowly allowed herself to descend, swaying her legs gracefully. she looked like a spider in a web, or maybe an angel. she spun once, twice, slowly around the silk, letting it slide against her body as she gently pressed her feet to the ground. she lowered her arms fluidly and slowly before smiling, taking a playful bow. chishiya nodded with an amused smile on his lips.

“you’re good at what you do.” “thank you.” she left the silks hanging there and she went back to the bed, crawling onto it. she lied down on her side and propped her head up on her outstretched arm. “do you know why you became an executive?” he asked suddenly. she shook her head. “no.” chishiya stood and crossed the front of the bed, circling it. he sat down next to her, making himself comfortable. “i do.” she rolled over to face him. “please, pray tell.” he smirked and looked down at her, his hands folded across his stomach. “you’re good at what you do.” he said again. she tilted her head. “what do you mean?” “you’ve been here for.. close to two months now and yet you’re still alive. you’re smart and it’s saving your ass. hatter likes that about you. he knows your insight will help him.” she huffed, a small grin building on her lips. “yeah?” he looked away. she smiled.

“do you know why you’re an executive?” she asked him. “no. why?” “i don’t know either.” he laughed dryly. she laughed because he did. “it’s probably because you manage to be everywhere and nowhere simultaneously. you’re the eyes and ears of the operation.” he nodded. “you’re probably right.” she smiled. she rolled onto her back and gazed up at him, absorbing the look of his face, his deepset sleepy eyes, the curl of his lips, his straight lashes. she smiled again, amused. “what?” he asked. her smile grew. “nothing.” he shook his head and looked away, out the window.

“you’re pretty.” she said. he looked down at her with an eyebrow raised slightly. “what?” “you’re pretty.” she repeated. he shook his head and chuckled, turning back to face the window. “thanks.” it was quiet for a little bit. “i’m not actually a daddy’s girl, y’know. i’ve just.. found that men prefer easy girls. girls without opinions. girls who tell them what they want to hear.” chishiya glanced over at her. “i know.” he said. for some reason, the words made her feel a lot better. she didn’t want to be perceived as brainless; atleast not by him. she valued his opinion.

“i’ll be leaving now.” he stood and crossed the room in no kind of hurry. she watched him go. “why?” she asked. he paused, looked over his shoulder at her. he smirked. “goodnight, (y/n).” and he was gone.

three days went by and she didn’t see chishiya. not at any of the executive meetings, not around the pool, nowhere. he didn’t visit her room either. she tapped her glass anxiously, looking around the room for the millionth time. “(y/n), calm down. i’m sure he’s fine.” kuina gently grabbed her hand to still her movements. she sighed and looked around again, hoping desperately that she’d spot his familiar fading roots, but it turned out fruitless. the clinging of glass bottles and the sound of music rattled around in her skull so loudly she could barely stand it. “here, drink. you need to relax.” kuina pushed a straw against her lips and she took it into her mouth without looking in her direction. her eyes were glazed over and she was clearly lost in thought.

one, two, three drinks in and (y/n) was starting to feel better. she could go twenty minutes at a time without scanning the room for him. kuina stayed by her side the entire time, reassuring her that he would come. clock struck two in the morning. he hadn’t come. “whatever.” (y/n) said, scowling as she pushed herself off of her stool. “fuck him.” kuina watched her go onto the dance floor and immediately be flanked on all sides by two men and a woman. she stood guard and watched closely, ready to come to (y/n)‘s defense if anyone got creepy.

she danced and spun and rolled her body along to the beat of the songs, getting looser and more comfortable in her movements as time passed. two thirteen, he hadn’t come. one kiss, two kisses, grinding. two forty nine, no sight of him. hands were everywhere, all over her body. on her hips, on her breasts, on her arms. people were buying her shots, she was throwing them back. kuina had left. three eighteen. “(y/n).” she turned around all smiles and smudged mascara to see aguni standing in front of her, like a shark in a crowd of minos. people who realized his presence moved out of his way, cutting a clear path.

“hm?” she asked, continuing to dance. her vision was growing fuzzy and her mind was calm, it was only her and the music and the hands on her body. “you need to come with me.” he said. she raised an eyebrow. aguni was like a big brother to her, albeit a mean one. he let niragi pick on her most of the time. nonetheless, she’d trudge by his side and pretend she didn’t know what he and niragi were up to. pretend to be the doe faced lamb, destined for the slaughter. “why?” she asked, laughing. she spun and her ankle rolled, causing her to stumble. aguni grabbed her arm. “now.”

she frowned and protested as he all but dragged her out of the bar, hauling her around like she weighed nothing but a grape. he dragged her up the stairs and to hatters office, where he and niragi waited for her. “what’s goin’ on?” she slurred. “niragi informed me that you were.. giving out our secrets, (y/n).” hatter said. (y/n) looked at niragi like ‘what the fuck man’ as aguni held her upright. “i was.. literally with kuina all night. i’ve barely said two words because i’ve been so fucking..” in her drunken state, she managed to stop herself before she basically confessed her feelings for chishiya to her higher ups. “not the point, i didn’t tell anybody shit.” she said. hatter nodded at aguni to let her go. she fell into her own weight and rubbed her arm, scowling.

“am i interrupting something?” the three of them turned to see chishiya leaning against the doorway, quiet as a mouse. she hasn’t even heard him come in. “no.” she said, as the three boys behind her said ‘yes’. she turned and frowned deeply at them. her arm burned terribly. she moved her hand and looked down to see that it was bruised and irritated, with a few open cuts from aguni’s rings and fingernails. “(y/n) has been selling us out.” niragi purred as he took a few easy strides to her and lifted her chin with his fingertips. chishiya stiffened. “i can assure you, she’s been with me all night. she hasn’t said a thing to anybody.”

hatter turned to her. “is this true?” she nodded, obviously. why wouldn’t she? she was mad at chishiya, but if he wanted to bail her out of trouble she wouldn’t stop him. niragi sneered in her face and she bared her teeth at him, growling like an animal ready to pounce. “fine.” hatter turned his back and waved his hand, motioning for aguni to take her away. “but (y/n)…” he began. “you know what happens to traitors.” she scoffed. aguni reached for her and she stepped back, back into warm, calloused hands. they slid around her hips and warm breath caressed the side of her face. “i’ll take her, thanks.” she shivered at the sound of chishiya’s voice, at the way he sounded so irritated, at the way his hands gripped her hips a little harder as he turned her body and began leading her out of the room.

the moment the door closed behind them she was pulling away from him, all scowls and pissy attitudes. “don’t put your fucking hands on me.” she said, stopping her tracks. chishiya turned to face her, rolling his tongue in annoyance. “so.. you’ll curse at me, but not them?” he asked. her scowl deepened. she didn’t know how to respond. his eyes flickered to her bicep. “you’re bleeding.” he stated. “yeah, i noticed.” she grumbled, storming past him. he followed her, curling an arm around her waist and turning her body, redirecting her path. “i said don’t fucking touch me! where do you think you’re taking me?” she said angrily, too drunk to note how loud she was being or how crazy she probably seemed.

chishiya kept her on her feet as he lead her up the stairs, ignoring her protests and complaining. it took longer than it usually would to reach his bedroom due to her trying to turn around and escape his grasp every three seconds. he pushed the door open then ushered her inside, quickly closing it behind them. “what is your problem?” he asked. “what is YOUR problem?” she asked, raising her voice. she turned to face him as he stood against the door. “you think you can just— ghost me for three days and then show up and play night in shining armor then drag me to your room in what, in— in the hopes that i’ll fuck you or something?”

his jaw clenched. she stared at him, drunken anger and.. hurt, genuine hurt taking over her ability to think rationally. she thought they had bonded that night, thought they could be friends. she felt comfortable around him, she thought he felt comfortable around her too. he was quiet. she scoffed and shook her head as the hysterical giggles started. “unbelievable.”

she tried to push past him. he grabbed her shoulders and extended his arms, putting distance between them. “you’re bleeding.” he stated again. “i fucking KNOW, chishiya. get out of my way.” he gripped her wrists as she tried to push past him again and his strength scared her. he easily dragged her over to his bed and sat her down. “no.” she said, panic setting in. she began kicking her legs at him, getting him in the shins. “(y/n), stop!” she stopped and looked into his eyes for the first time in three days. his brown, open eyes. she stilled. he sighed and released her slowly, cautiously like she was a predator.

he turned and began digging through his bedside table, pulling out bandages, some sort of liquid in a small bottle and cotton balls. she watched quietly as he kneeled in front of her, her head spinning and thoughts clouded. “it will sting. don’t freak out.” she watched as he dumped the liquid onto a wad of cotton balls. his fingers brushed her arm so gently she almost didn’t feel it. he held his fingertips against bicep her to keep her still as he began patting the cotton onto her cuts, wiping away the blood and disinfecting the area. she winced, and she barely heard his murmured apology. it made her blush, made her feel warm inside. she hated it. hated him.

“you look like hell.” he said, standing to his full height. she frowned at him. “use my shower. there’s towels in there.” “don’t want to.” “that must suck.” he said before he grabbed her under her armpits and hauled her into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. “chishiya, let me out!” “i will. once you shower. you need to fix yourself and clean the wound thoroughly.” “are you saying i smell?” she could almost feel his smirk through the door. she flipped the door off, directing it at him spiritually. she grumbled as she stripped down to nothing, leaving her clothes in a pile behind the door. she turned the shower on and looked at herself in the mirror while she waited for it to warm up, assessing herself. smudged mascara, tired eyes, mussed hair from being thrown around, beaten up arm. men are just the kindest souls, don’t you think?

“(y/n), i know you’re not showering. the curtain didn’t open.” she scoffed. “i’m waiting for the water to heat!” she said as she stepped into the shower to get him to stop bothering her. the warmth caressed her senses immediately, lulling her into a calm state. the vapor in the air around her made her feel safe, like she was wrapped in a warm blanket. two minutes turned into twenty, and twenty into forty five. she was nearly asleep, sitting in the tub beneath the stream when chishiya knocked. “(y/n)? did you drown?” his voice came from behind the door. she chuckled. “you wish i had drowned.” she said. she had peed thrice since being in the shower, and she was halfway sober, aka way less drunk than she was originally.

“you should get out.” he said. “don’t want to.” she could sense the way he shook his head. “you’re a child.” “then you’re my daddy.” she said mindlessly. there was a pause. “(y/n), get out of there. now.” she groaned and whined as she hoisted herself up clumsily, like a deer on new legs. she flipped the water off and climbed out of the tub, quickly wrapping a towel around her body as to not let the cold get to her. she wrapped another towel around her hair haphazardly before she realized there were no clothes in the bathroom besides her dirty ones. she opened the door and stepped out, being faced with a cross-armed chishiya who looked like a dad waiting for his daughter to stop trying on dresses in the store. “i don’t have any clothes.” she said.

his eyes flickered downwards and she followed his gaze. there was a neatly folded pile of clothes to the left of her feet, outside the doorframe. “wow. ever so observant, huh mr. smart guy?” she said. he shrugged and smirked. she rolled her eyes as she bent to pick up the clothes and immediately shut the bathroom door behind her. her options were a tshirt and swim shorts, or a hoodie and boxers. his hoodie. the one she had never seen him go without wearing. her face flushed. she chose the jacket because his room was cold. at least that’s what she told herself.

she emerged from the bathroom about five minutes later to see chishiya on his bed. “welcome back, princess.” he muttered. he looked so.. amused. relaxed. nonchalant. she hated it. she walked over to him and crossed her arms. “what now?” he looked her over, taking his time before he stood. “let me see your arm.” she pulled up the sleeve of his jacket and let him see the wound, which was now clean but still red, irritated and stinging. “sit.” he said. she sat down on the bed slowly, shyly almost. he pulled out some ointment and the bandages from before and sat on the bed next to her, bringing her arm closer to him.

it was quiet as he gently dabbed the ointment onto her cuts, her watching him and him pretending to not know that she was watching him, or at least not care. he placed a soft medical cloth over the wound before wrapping it firmly in the bandages, patting it when he was done. “there.” she was frowning. she rolled her eyes and looked away when he looked at her. “most people would say thank you.” he said. she huffed. “you don’t deserve a thank you.” she saw the way he shook his head from the corner of her eye. “why?” “where have you been?” she snapped at him. his amused aura began to fade. “that’s nothing you need to worry about.”

“nothing i need to worry about? it’s been three days. i thought you were dead!” he smirked, but nothing could hide the irritation brewing in his eyes. “you know i’d never die.” “oh, give it up chishiya! you’re not indestructible! you can die and you’re about to if you don’t tell me where you’ve been!” “are you threatening me?” he asked, standing from beside her. he was frowning now. “yes, i am.” “don’t threaten me. i’ve done nothing but be here for you.” “be here for me my ass! you ditched me!” her voice was raising, the tension was growing. she stood as well, standing face to face with him. he was frowning, hard. “if you must know, i’ve been covering your ass the past three days. that shit you pulled with niragi nearly cost you your position and your life. don’t you see that? you’re reckless, (y/n). reckless and stupid.”

she faltered, taking a step back. her face began to burn in embarrassment and shame. “i’m not stupid.” she muttered, glaring up at him like a pouting child. “you’re acting like it. the more you mouth of to him the more you’re putting your neck on the line.” she had never seen chishiya so mad before, never seen him show so much emotion or speak so much at once. she was mad he was doing it to tell her off. she looked down and was quiet. “do you think its easy for me?” he asked. her eyebrows scrunched. “do you think i like watching you whore yourself around? like watching you come within a breath of death every time you step foot around niragi? we both know he’s a trigger happy moron, he’ll kill you (y/n). he’ll fucking kill you.”

that was the first time she’d ever heard chishiya cuss. she was mad he was cussing at her. she looked up at him to see his concerned, angry expression. concerned. concerned for her. his face softened and he sighed, his voice quieting. “you’re costing me too much.” he said. “what do you mean?” she didn’t understand. didn’t understand why he was covering for her, why he seemed upset that she could die. chishiya didn’t care for anything or anyone as far as she knew. “i didn’t come to the bar, or the pool, or to your room because i hate seeing you with other people. i hate seeing them lay their filthy hands on you. on your body. i hate it.”

she faltered again. “what..?” “i hate the way you take it.” he said. he took a step towards her, grabbing her by the hem of his jacket. “you hate them touching you but you won’t stop them. i think about you, worry about you day in and day out. i spend all of my time covering your sorry ass and keeping niragi away from you the most i can. you’re going to cost me my life, (y/n).” he said, gently wrapping his arms around her waist. she rested her hands on his chest shyly, feeling his heart beat beneath her fingers. she felt stone cold sober, the weight of his words hitting her like a truck. “i’m sorry.” she said finally, looking up at him, at the various emotions swirling in his eyes.

“you should be. you’re going to give me grey hairs.” she giggled quietly, noting their closeness. his hands felt so warm even through the fabric of the jacket. “i’m sorry.” she said again. his gaze moved downwards. “how’s your arm feeling?” he asked. she shrugged. “better, since you wrapped it. thanks, doctor.” he shook his head. she looked up at him, at the face she had grown to care so much for. she bit her lip. “chishiya..?” he met her gaze, locking eyes with her. one, two, three seconds went by. three seconds of consideration before her lips were on his. she kissed him fast and gently, pulling away when the feeling of embarrassment started flowing in her brain.

“uh— sorry. im sorry, i-“ she began pulling away from him, trying to get out of his arms. he easily turned their bodies and slammed her against the wall, holding her hips in a bruising grip. he leaned down so close their foreheads were nearly touching. “back out now or hold your peace.” he said, his voice low and heavily laced with something almost sadistic. she stayed quiet. he slammed his lips onto hers in an animalistic kiss without wasting a single second. it was so out of character for him, but she loved it. she had fantasized about this more times than she was willing to admit. fantasized about his hands on her body, his lips on hers, how he’d be. if he’d be rough, gentle, submissive, dominant, quiet, loud. all of it was coming to her.

“kill them.” he muttered against her lips as he kissed her, his hands squeezing and releasing her hips. she was out of breath, her vision fuzzy when he pulled away to begin kissing her neck. “huh?” “i’ll kill them. the next person to put their hands on you.” he said. her breath hitched at the feeling of his teeth grazing against a sensitive spot. he bit down harder, sucking a nice hickey onto it. “oh, please..” she began, dipping her toes in the kiddy pool of arousal. she wanted to see how he’d react to being teased. “you couldn’t kill anyone if you tried.” he growled against her skin before turning their bodies and shoving her down on his bed. “you have no idea.” he climbed on top of her sprawled body and pulled the zipper of his hoodie down almost violently, revealing her naked breasts.

he groaned at the sight of her peaked nipples just begging for his attention. “chishiya..” she whimpered, arching her back for him. she rubbed her thighs together mindlessly, overwhelmed with emotions. love, hate, lust. she hated the way he dissected her with his eyes, loved the way he made her feel, lusted for his touch. he ignored her sounds and began to palm her breasts, feeling them up. he ran his hands across her chest, down her abdomen and over her plush hips where bruising was starting to blossom from the amount of times he’d grabbed her there. “do you let them touch you like this?” he asked, tearing his jacket off of her and throwing it onto the floor.

she gasped but didn’t answer, earning a slap to her hip. it didn’t hurt, but it shocked her enough to gain her attention. “answer me. do you, huh? do you let them fuck you?” she shook her head no frantically, squirming beneath him as he began hastily pulling down his boxers from her body. he tossed those aside too, groaning. he sat up to take her appearance in fully. her wide pupils, her parted glossy lips, her mussed hair spread out behind her head like a halo, her arms by her head, her naked, beautiful body, ready and keening for him. he took in the way her chest rose and fell with each hard breath she took, the way she kept squirming her thighs together.

“where do you need me?” he asked. she bit her lip and whined as she rose her hips off the bed, pressing her core against him. “use your words. show me.” he smirked, amused by how easily she became so obedient and touch-drunk. she whimpered and began sliding her hand down her body slowly, making a show of it for him. even when she was hazy with want she managed to tease him, to drive him crazy. she cupped her cunt and slid a finger between her lips, feeling the warm wetness that had begun to gather at her needy hole. she pressed that finger against her clit and whimpered, beginning to rub slow circles around it. “here.” she breathed, “need you here.”

he exhaled heavily and got off of the bed, removing his swimming trunks. he undid the ties hastily but slowly pulled them down, letting her see his happy trail turn into a peek of his bulge, then letting his cock spring out fully. his tip was a pretty pale pink like his lips, aching and leaking with pre cum. in the midst of being away from her for a second, he realized that he didn’t know what felt good to her. he didn’t know her body, didn’t know what to do. he kept his composure calm as he directed her to scoot up the bed. when she had done so, he climbed back on top of her and pressed a hand against her throat, firm but not choking.

“tell me what you want.” he said. she shivered. the smell and the feeling of him against her body, knowing his cock was so close to where she needed it most was driving her insane. she swallowed her pride and ran her hands over his shoulders, looking into his eyes with her big doe ones. “want you to touch me, ‘shiya.. want you to make me feel good.” she mumbled, gasping as she felt his tip brush against her clit. “yeah?” he groaned into her ear, smirking against it. her skin felt so sensitive, like her senses were heightened by ten. she gasped as he began rubbing his tip between her lips, teasing her, pressing it hard against her entrance and then taking it away, making her whimper and squirm for him.

“yeah. please, chishiya fuck me.” she pleaded with him, her hands growing frantic against his body as he ground his cock against her. “mm.. do you deserve it?” he asked. “yes!” “i don’t agree.” he hummed. “you’ve been kicking me, cursing at me.. should i really touch you the way you want me to?” she was near tears, knowing she had been a brat to him. she felt bad, but she needed him so badly. it has been so long since she’d gotten laid, his stalling was making her impatient. “i’m sorry,” she whimpered, starting to press messy kisses across his face and neck, wherever she could reach. he hummed against her collarbone before he flipped them over, helping her to straddle his hips.

“take what you want from me.” he said. her face flushed at the idea. he had basically just handed her a credit card and told her to go crazy in her favorite store. she froze, unable to think. “what’s the matter, hm?” he purred, running his hands over her hips. “cat got your tongue? what happened to all that confidence of yours?” he teased her, and she pouted. shyly, she took his cock into her hand and slowly began pumping him, starting from the base and up to the tip, squeezing gently. he groaned and she sucked in a sharp breath, the noise making her throb. “are you okay with this?” she asked. he nodded. “take me.”

she nodded and wasted no time in lifting her hips and aligning his tip with her entrance. he kept a firm hold on her hips as she slowly lowered herself onto him, moaning at the pressure. he groaned and squeezed her tighter, encouraging her to continue. she sat still on him for a moment, letting both of them adjust to the feeling. when the pinching ceased, she lifted her hips again and arched her back, straddling him like she would a motorcycle. she looked back to watch herself as she rode him, reveling in his quiet groans and grunts as she took him into her tight cunt. “good.. thats good. keep going, pretty girl.” he purred, starting to help her when she faltered. he’d lift her hips for her and help ease her back down, sliding his hands to her ass to feel the way it jiggled when it came in contact with his pelvis.

“fuuuck..” he groaned, getting gradually more pussy drunk the more she rode him. “faster.” he started pushing her down onto his cock faster, impaling her on his thick length. she let him, her moans growing in volume as he fucked her. “shiya.. shiya, s’ so good..” she whimpered, balling her hands into fists on his chest, keeping herself upright as she half rode half took his cock. “yeah?” he asked, genuinely curious. he would never purposefully hurt her. even though he didn’t know her well, she had intrigued him from the moment they played their first game together, and that rarely ever happened. he stood on the sidelines watching her for ages, studying her, her behavior patterns, her flirting mechanisms, everything. he knew she had probably been with a lot of partners before, and that was fine. he just wanted to make sure that she felt good.

“yeah.. don’t stop.” she huffed out, her movements becoming sloppy. she ground her hips forward each time she came down, catching her clit on the neat patch of hair on his pubic bone and amplifying her pleasure. her tits began bouncing in his face as they sped up, mesmerizing him. “shit.. so pretty for me. just me.” he began groping them, flicking his thumbs over her perky nipples. she cried out, her cunt tightened around him and squeezing him tight, trying to milk him for all he had. she was babbling brainlessly now, saying how his cock felt so good inside her and how much she wanted him.

a shift of her hips had his tip rubbing perfectly against that sensitive, spongy spot inside of her, and she couldn’t help the loud moans that followed. chishiya’s face was flushed and his eyes were hazy with lust when she looked down at him, seeing the way he eyed her tits as he played with them. she could feel him throbbing inside her, signifying that he was close. “shiya.. gonna cum. wanna cum, please.” she whimpered. “yeah?” his eyes met hers as he trailed his hands down her body, settling on her waist. “cum for me. cum on my cock, pretty girl.” he groaned against her neck, licking and biting and sucking over the marks he had left previously.

a few more thrusts had her falling apart on his dick with loud, unceremonious cries, soaking her thighs, his pelvis, and a bit of the sheets below them. she rode out her orgasm on him, using him for her own pleasure. he slammed her down on him a few more times before his hips stuttered and his seed spilled inside of her warm pussy, filling her up. the feeling of his cock pulsing inside her as he came made her twitch in pleasure. she looked down at him, breathing hard, a small smile on her lips.

“so.. are you still mad at me?” she asked. he chuckled. “i feel as though i should be asking you that.” she giggled and leaned down, pressing her lips against his. it wasn’t like their other kisses, it was gentle and sweet, like an innocent first love. when she pulled away she was all smiles, and chishiya had a lazy grin on his face. they sat catching their breath for a moment, chishiya staying tucked comfortably inside her. “(y/n).” “hm?” “i’m serious about what i said. i’ll kill the next person to lay a hand on you.” she smiled dreamily, leaning down to press a chaste kiss against his lips. “i know, daddy.”

he stilled. she stilled. she regretted it immediately. “i’m sorry.” she mumbled, worry starting to show on her face. she watched his expression change from blank to primal before he suddenly flipped her over, trapping her body beneath his. “that little mouth of yours is gonna get you in trouble, bunny.” he groaned against her ear, trailing his hands against the curve of her ass before landing a hard slap against it. his cock was rock hard inside of her now, ready to go again. “say it again.” “daddy..” she whimpered softly, looking over her shoulder at him. he buried his fist in her hair and yanked her head back, pulling a moan from her sweet lips. “louder.” he growled as he pushed his hips against hers roughly, reaching deep inside her worn cunt. “daddy.” she mewled, her eyes rolling back at the feeling.

“yeah.. that’s right.” he began fucking into her, hard. his pelvis hit against her ass quick, pushing his cock deeper and deeper inside of her each time. his hand stayed tangled in her hair, his free hand resting on her throat, keeping her back arched for him as he kept her head back. her moans and cries only turned him on more, made him want to ruin her, to put his mark on her.

“who else can make you feel like this, huh?” he asked into her ear, biting down on her lobe. “who can make you cum like i can?” “n-nobody!” she mewled like a bitch in heat, joyfully letting him pound into her sopping cunt over and over again, pushing his seed deeper inside. “only you, only you!” she panted like a prayer, her hand resting atop of his, prying at his fingers as he tightened his hold on her throat. “god, (y/n).. you don’t know what you do to me.” he growled, squeezing her throat. “make me want to fucking ruin you.” her cunt spasmed around him hopelessly, sensitive from her previous orgasm. “shiya, can’t take it! s’ too much!”

she cried, but it fell upon deaf ears. he sped up, determined to push her to her limits, to mark her, to own her. “say my name.” “shiya..” “not that one.” he growled. she blushed as her lips parted obediently, the name he loved so much slipping past easily. “daddy.” he tugged her head back harder and attached his lips to her neck, creating more bright red hickeys for everyone to see. “that’s it.. yeah, fuck, that’s it girl. louder. let everyone know how good i make you feel.” he sped up, going harder inside her abused pussy. she moaned shamelessly, loudly, borderline pornographically as the sounds of his skin slapping against her ass competed with her in volume. “daddyyy! daddy, m’ gonna cum!” she warned him as her cunt tightened around him even harder than before, preparing to take him for all he’s worth.

“good,” he moaned. “cum for me, tell me how good i make you feel. go on, bunny. cum for me.” he coaxed her, pushing and pushing her buttons until she couldn’t take it anymore. he slammed into her even as she came again, pounding her like a toy, reveling in the way her beautiful cunt sucked him in greedily. his thrusts became sloppy soon after and he emptied himself inside her once more, burying himself to the hilt inside her warm pussy. he gave her ass a few hard slaps, leaving faint handprints, making her moan. she was panting and totally spent by the time his spurts of cum stopped, leaving her stuffed full and with a warm fuzzy feeling inside and out.

“you’re mine, (y/n).” he panted, pressing soft kisses against her face and shoulders, rubbing his hands gently over her bruised hips and red ass. “promise?” he chuckled. “i promise.”

he pulled out of her and helped her to sit upright before he started helping her clean up and get dressed. he helped her into his jacket and boxers, smoothing her hair away from her forehead and checking on her bandages while he was at it.

“are you okay?” he asked as he lied down with her, cradling her head to his chest. he rubbed little circles onto the palm of her hand with his thumb as she came down from her high and caught her breath. yeah..” she mumbled, exhausted. he nodded and pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. “i’m here.” he said.

the next morning, he was gone. her eyes fluttered open slowly, adjusting to the light that poured in from the still-open window. when she reached her hand out, his side of the bed was empty and cold, meaning he had been gone for a while. she sat up and looked to confirm, seeing a ruffled but empty mattress. she tucked her knees into her chest and stared blankly at the comforter, replaying the events of the night before. being worried off her ass, getting drunk, having several sets of hands at her at once, hatter accusing her of selling him out, aguni cutting her arm, chishiya bandaging her up and then fucking her until she couldn’t remember her name.

and now he was gone. typical chishiya. she should’ve expected it. she rolled out of bed and trudged into the bathroom to splash some water on her face and figure out what she wanted to do with herself. she saw her clothes behind the door and realized she wasn’t in her room. it was his. she frowned, quickly washed her face off and pulled her hair back before leaving the bathroom and sliding her shoes on. the moment she wrapped her fingers around the main door handle, it pushed open and revealed chishiya. her frown deepened and she tried to push past him, keeping her mouth shut.

“(y/n)?” he blocked the doorway and put a hand on her shoulder. “what?” she asked sharply, glaring at him. she crossed her arms. “what’s wrong?” he asked. “you left me. again.” “(y/n).. it’s eleven am. i was at the meeting. i tried to wake you and you told me to kill myself.”

her mouth fell open for a moment before she started laughing. she put her hands over her face and took a step back to let him into the room fully. “i don’t remember that, i’m so sorry.” she giggled, peeking from over her fingers at him. he shook his head and kicked the door shut behind him, holding up a small bag. “i told hatter you were sick with a hangover. i brought food.”

he lead her to the bed and let her sit down, taking a seat next to her. he began setting out the contents of the bag, pulling out some fruits, bread, and other mundane things of the like. she ate quietly as he checked on her bandages, telling her that he’d have to change them later.

“chishiya?” “hm?” she set her bread aside and looked into his eyes. “can you promise me something?” his expression softened and he ran his thumb over her bandages. “i can try.” “promise me that.. we’ll get out of here together. no more disappearing from me.” she said. he nodded. “okay. i can promise that.”

she smiled and leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips, reveling in the way he leaned into her touch.

being in the borderlands was hard. being an alleged spoiled bimbo was harder. but having chishiya as a companion made the struggle worth it. she kissed him again, knowing they might not make it out together, but the thought was enough for her to try.

#chishiya fanfic #chishiya shuntaro #fanfic #x reader #alice in borderland #chishiya smut #aib chishiya #romance #plot bunny #enjoy <3

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