#not to get personal but i struggle with deep mental issues myself

[mrfoox]

The older I get, the more I just realize that I am my mom

[tarot-swords-gemini]

Pick A Pile: What seductive mysteries surround your love life? (Reality check)

The images are not mine! I found them one Pinterest! If you know the artists mention them!!

Whenever you feel ready pick the pile that feels close to you but don't overthink it for intuition doesn't take long!If this post is not for you scroll, don't press your spirit to read one, it might not match your situation! Some parts might be 18+, so if you are not, scroll.

💌My type of readings are brutally honest for l used to struggle with it myself; so now I only command from the spirit to tell me the truth through protection, but always the truth, I like it or not, so I warn you that I am like that.

The symbols are: Veil, Crystal Ball, Black Cat, Moonlight, Rose Petals, and Book.

Like & Reblog my pinned post (you can click my profile and do that, for it will help me to make a living from it) for it will bring the right people to my page!! thank you! And may you be safe, happy and blessed!

1. Veil:

Cards: Seven of Swords, Eight of Wands, Three of Pentacles, Death with Strength, Ten of Pentacles, King of Swords, Nine of Cups with Magician, Eight of Cups, Page of Pentacles, Seven of Pentacles (bottom: Six of Swords, Empress, Tower)

💌Message: The seductive mysteries surrounding your love life involve a mix of transformation and hidden dynamics. The Seven of Swords suggests deceit or hidden motives, while the Eight of Wands indicates rapid changes or communication; work on your intuition and expect different types of people to come to you and you will intuitively know who are the ones for you. The Three of Pentacles points to collaboration and teamwork, suggesting that someone might be working behind the scenes, or you might meet someone in a place where you work or do some sort of collaboration with others. Death with Strength indicates major transformation and resilience, hinting at significant changes and the need for inner strength, again, work in your intuition, you will meet many people and not all of them are right for you even if it looks like it. The Ten of Pentacles shows long-term stability, but combined with the King of Swords, it implies that there are serious, perhaps intellectual or strategic aspects involved, trust your rationality when it comes to “judging” people. The Nine of Cups with the Magician suggests that there are deep-seated desires and manifestations at play, you have intense desires and they will be manifested in the near future as long as you work on your intuition. The Eight of Cups and Page of Pentacles reflect moving on from past issues and new beginnings in order for this energy to settle in your life. The Seven of Pentacles highlights ongoing investments and patience. At the bottom, the Six of Swords, Empress, and Tower reveal that while there is growth and nurturing potential, there could also be sudden upheavals or revelations that shake your current understanding in order to make you understand what your desires really mean to you. Overall, expect transformation and a seductive mystery that should be treated with intuition and logic so you don’t end up with the wrong person.

Keywords: Deceit, changes, hidden motives, 333, collaboration, transformation, resilience, desires, manifestations, moving on, candles, journal, new beginnings, patience, upheaval.

—-

2. Crystal Ball:

Cards: Eight of Wands, Four of Cups, Eight of Swords with King of Swords, Chariot, Empress, Four of Pentacles, Nine of Wands, Two of Swords, Five of Swords, Sun, Emperor (bottom: Page of Cups, Six of Wands, Eight of Cups)

💌Message: The seductive mysteries surrounding your love life reveal a complex mix of desires and “important” obstacles. The Eight of Wands indicates swift developments, but the Four of Cups and Eight of Swords with King of Swords suggest feelings of dissatisfaction and mental blocks, with possible intellectual or communication issues. This is a moment where you can use to describe to yourself what you really want and get to know the nature of your character. These obstacles serve as freedom for you, for they give you time to think. The Chariot and Empress show a powerful drive and nurturing potential, yet the Four of Pentacles and Nine of Wands reveal holding back and defensiveness; you are capable of loving but you think that you can’t be loved, this is a source of negativity that you need to heal soon. The Two of Swords and Five of Swords highlight conflict and indecision, suggesting that unresolved issues or competing interests might be at play. Mental issues might be present here. The Sun and Emperor indicate clarity, success, and strong foundations, but the Page of Cups, Six of Wands, and Eight of Cups at the bottom reflect a mix of emotional offers, recognition, and the need to move past previous disappointments. Disconnect from your fears and let your heart guide your way for once!

Keywords: Swift developments, dissatisfaction, mental blocks, drive, nurturing, defensiveness, conflict, boots, indecision, success, pizza, emotional offers, moving on.

—-

3. Black Cat:

Cards: World, Wheel of Fortune, Magician, Fool with Six of Wands, Nine of Cups, Four of Pentacles, Five of Wands with Hanged Man, Hierophant, Ten of Swords (bottom: Nine of Pentacles, Four of Pentacles, Nine of Swords)

💌Message: The seductive mysteries surrounding your love life involve significant fast transformations and evolving dynamics. The World and Wheel of Fortune indicate major changes and cycles of fortune, while the Magician and Fool with Six of Wands reveal a blend of manifestation, new beginnings, and public recognition. You are about to manifest someone you want! The Nine of Cups suggests deep personal satisfaction, but the Four of Pentacles and Five of Wands with Hanged Man show a struggle with holding on and internal conflict; accept that you deserve the life you want and let it happen!! The Hierophant points to traditional values or commitment, whereas the Ten of Swords highlights painful endings or betrayals. What ended was necessary, don’t let it impact you anymore. The Nine of Pentacles, Four of Pentacles, and Nine of Swords at the bottom emphasize issues of independence, holding onto past hurts, and anxiety — let your desire come to life and ignore any whispers of the past; you’re not there anymore and you will never return there because your path is more beautiful than you think! Overall, there are themes of both new opportunities and unresolved conflicts influencing your love life, with a high chance of manifesting what you want — just make sure to enjoy it and not detach from it once it comes and neglect it.

Keywords: Transformation, cycles, manifestation, 333, angels, white color, new beginnings, recognition, social media, new follower, satisfaction, conflict, holding on, commitment, looking back, independence, anxiety and toast.

---

4. Moonlight:

Cards: Justice, Hierophant, Ace of Wands, Magician, World, Devil with Seven of Pentacles, Knight of Swords with King of Wands, Two of Swords, Three of Pentacles (bottom: Temperance, Queen of Wands)

💌Message: The seductive mysteries surrounding your love life reveal a complex blend of balance, cravings, and the necessity to change your perspective quickly. Justice and Hierophant highlight themes of fairness and commitment, indicating that traditional values and moral judgments play a significant role in your life for good and bad reasons. The Ace of Wands and Magician signify new, passionate beginnings and the power to manifest desires. You need to be clear with what you want and let it come to life. The World suggests completion and fulfillment, but the Devil with Seven of Pentacles warns of potential bondage or delays due to unresolved issues or unhealthy attachments, so here to me it means that a cycle in your life is about to end and you will need to accept it. You might need to read the previous pile too. The Knight of Swords with King of Wands indicates dynamic, assertive energy but possibly conflicting motives; there might be confusion between a need and a want — learn to enjoy both. The Two of Swords points to indecision or a crossroads, while the Three of Pentacles emphasizes collaboration and effort in relationships; collaborate with your heart and mind, and attract what you want. At the bottom, Temperance and Queen of Wands suggest the need for balance and an appealing, magnetic presence to navigate these complexities.

Keywords: Balance, commitment, passion, 55, manifestation, transformation, bondage, delays, door, red door, assertiveness, indecision, collaboration, magnetic presence and magic.

---

5. Rose Petals:

Cards: Four of Pentacles, Judgment, Page of Wands with Hermit, Four of Wands, Magician, Devil, Seven of Pentacles, Emperor, Sun, Five of Cups, Ace of Swords, King of Wands, Ten of Wands, Two of Swords, Ace of Cups (bottom: Queen of Cups, Ten of Cups, Star)

💌Message: The seductive mysteries surrounding your love life reveal a mix of transformation, stability, and emotional depth. The Four of Pentacles and Judgment suggest that holding onto past issues or fears is a significant factor, with the need for self-reflection and major decisions — you are in your healing or soft era or about to be. The Page of Wands with Hermit indicates an inner exploration of passion and creativity, while the Four of Wands and Magician point to solid foundations and the power to create your ideal relationship. Something might start as a friendship and evolve into something deeper. The Devil and Seven of Pentacles warn of potential bondage or delays, emphasizing the need for patience, don’t lose hope just because something happens slower than expected. Also avoid being mad at your fate — your life is yours, their life is theirs, stop comparing. The Emperor and Sun signify stability, authority, and joy, and with the Five of Cups and Ace of Swords reveal past disappointments and the need for clarity coming to light to be addressed and finished, at least mentally. The King of Wands and Ten of Wands suggest a passionate yet burdensome energy that your love life might have, and with the Two of Swords indicating indecision between love and burden — but hey, allow time to be itself. The Ace of Cups at the bottom, along with the Queen of Cups, Ten of Cups, and Star, points to new emotional beginnings, fulfillment, and hope for a deeply satisfying connection. Don’t give up. Love is here!!

Keywords: Glitter, stability, eating, self-reflection, creativity, shadow work, bondage, email, nostalgia for something absent, throne, clarity, burdens, indecision, fulfillment, hope and new shoes or shopping with a look of neutrality. Your mind is elsewhere, focus.

---

6. Books:

Cards: Queen of Wands with Queen of Cups, Six of Cups, Seven of Wands with Four of Cups, Wheel of Fortune, Hanged Man, Three of Cups with Hierophant, Justice, Knight of Wands, Two of Wands (bottom: King of Cups)

💌Message: The seductive mysteries surrounding your love life involve a rich tapestry of emotional depth and evolving dynamics. The Queen of Wands with Queen of Cups indicates a blend of passion and emotional sensitivity, highlighting an attractive and nurturing presence in your love life. The Six of Cups suggests past influences or nostalgia, while the Seven of Wands with Four of Cups points to challenges and dissatisfaction in navigating emotional blocks; there are some past influences that still influence you but you’re slowly improving the energy around you. The Wheel of Fortune and Hanged Man reveal significant shifts and a need for new perspectives. The Three of Cups with Hierophant indicates celebration and possibly a commitment or traditional values influencing your social circle. Justice signifies a quest for balance and fairness in relationships. The Knight of Wands here explains a dynamic, adventurous energy, and with the Two of Wands reveals planning and decision-making for future directions; you will need to take a decision regarding two people or two paths that will impact your love life — your heart will guide you if you allow her. The King of Cups at the bottom underscores emotional maturity and depth in your love life, which overall means that you’re almost ready for what you crave to experience emotionally.

Keywords: Emotional depth, passion, past influences, debt, red dress, shifts, new perspectives, celebration, commitment, balance, adventure, planning, travel, and intelligence.

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My free and paid readings are available! Please take a look and support me so I can save some money for my desired college. Thank you❤️

Wish you the best of luck!

[useyourwordsdarling]

Hey, I hope this isn't too rude considering you already have an effing mountain of asks in your inbox, but I wanted to express my gratitude. No pressure to respond; I just hope you see it, and it makes you smile. Just read the pink out of this word salad; my kink is that I feel the need to explain my reasoning like a proper STEM idiot.

(below explaining why I'm thanking you essentially)

Probably oversharing here, but:

For the last two years or so, I've started to believe that the only men who would accept me were those that needed me as their therapist rather than a partner. I don't mean just listening to them; I mean them struggling with mental health crises and me having to pick up the pieces like the empathetic dumbass I am (and them being too scared to call the hospital). These are just the sort of people I seem to attract. As you can imagine, that did wonders for my self-worth and future perception of people who hit on me.

I already consider myself an eccentric woman. Among other things, my libido often feels insatiable. I write smut both on and off tumblr, the latter of which is some of the most nonsensical, most embarrassing, most bizarre shit I have ever written. 783 pages since 2020, the last 100 pages of which have been me realizing I have a deep-seated desire to be a cocksleeve. It's hard enough to tell people how much I care about having a healthy, passionate sexual relationship without bringing any of that into the mix.

(end explanation, TL;DR I attract shitty men and am insecure as hell about my own sexual preferences.)

All of that has made me despair on numerous occasions that I will ever get to know someone who both actually loves me and wants to fuck the absolute shit out of me.

But blogs like yours have lifted me out of that hellhole of anxiety more than once. Seeing both your own fantasies and the way you respond to your asks makes me feel like I'm not doomed to a relationship where I will have to sacrifice a large part of myself for the other person's sake. It makes me think: "People like this exist somewhere."

Thank you for being a dom that cares about your sub, and thank you for sharing on this blursed platform where I could see you.

Side (less wholesome) note: Yes, you have provided a lot of fuel for my smut pieces, and I am officially blaming you for the fact that there are now 446 fucking instances of the word "Daddy" in my most recent collection.

I appreciate how much effort you put into making this. And as another STEM idiot I love the way you made your reasoning. Also to be clear I love asks, I just have a hard time replying to many at once, but I appreciate them a lot.

And as to you attracting shitty men, I understand how exhausting and how heavy it might be the burden to carry the responsibility over someone’s mental health issues. But I think that also says a lot about your character, how you’re someone who’s really caring. Who wants to help these people, which is an amazing thing but it can be problematic if you don’t set boundaries. Which is a hard thing to do (I know because I’m bad at that…) it’s healthy to focus on your own mental health, your own problems. Especially when we have very little energy left.

And you aren’t doomed for that type of relationship I believe. And I hope you eventually find the right person who’ll love you and not make you responsible over their mess (and also fuck the shit out of you, fingers crossed). So it’s just a matter of time

Side (even less wholesome) note: I’d be lying if I said part of me isn’t curious about those 446 instances now..

[celestialtarot11]

Synastry that was difficult + my two cents 🌙💌

Hi friends! I decided to make a different post about synastry I felt was uncomfortable, but of course I want to offer an in depth discussion of it. Feel free to like, comment and reblog 💖

Venus in the 8th house 🌷🍵- With this synastry I felt intertwined and connected on a soul level. But the transformation started, as known with the 8th house it has the ability to transform wounds that need healing. Alchemy, essentially. Transmuting energies. I’ve noticed whilst this synastry can create an everlasting bond, it is tested a lot. Whether that’s through influence from third parties (family, friends, exes) or the two in the connection go through mental challenges. There’s a theme of outsiders wanting to get into the connection. When we weren’t able to heal and come together properly it ended in separation, or no contact. However long we needed. But when we did return, we returned wiser and resilient. We shared 12h synastry as well, denoting physical distance, and soon that turned to be an issue with developing the connection into reality. Things took a left turn when it couldn’t develop properly, and it ended in jealousy, competition and ego on their end. Whilst this synastry created an amazing bond, I wouldn’t prefer to revisit it.

12 house moon/sun 🧘‍♀️🤍- Disclaimer, sun/moon and 12h synastry is widely misunderstood, so I will say, any 12h synastry you have is a soul connection requiring inner work. And not necessarily a connection where there is fantasy, and dream-like experience, although part of it is, it encompasses facing reality on a deeper level and yourself. The person you are dealing with is a reflection of who you are at the time, reflecting wounds and patterns to you. Married couples do have this yes, and it most of the time it took constant inner work to develop the connection.

But this synastry often was difficult, because it introduced wounds and patterns hidden in my subconscious. Many others with this synastry feel tested, because they are meeting themselves in another person. I’ve had this synastry multiple times, the person involved was hard to get to know due to walls being up, and guarding. But it taught me I did as well. It was the start to me understanding where I was rejecting myself. The sun person is elusive, escapist just as much as moon synastry. And has a tendency to play it nonchalant, and underestimate their feelings in the connection.

Moon conj. Chiron synastry 🍵💘- Another tough one, it produced a lot of healing. Chiron is the wounded healer and in the connection taught me the process to liberation. And to understand the journey of healing is never truly over. It’s easy to project unhealed wounds on the moon person, especially if there is a lack of awareness. Easily, the connection can remodel the past if both people don’t consistently work on themselves. The moon person can also struggle to speak up and find their voice, and because of their past can ghost the connection, because they are avoiding healing.

12th house mercury 🪷✨- The mercury person tends to go silent, avoids and represses communication due to fear. On the receiving end it’s taught me to set boundaries and give myself closure, instead of waiting for the other party. Communication is hard for the mercury person, but when they are able to work on that, communication is deep, connecting, and revitalizing. Communication becomes easier over time. Lots of visions are shared between the two, and dreams. If anything its funny how its easy for them to talk to me in my dreams, in reality its different

Pluto in the 10th house 🌟🤍- The house person can easily think the pluto person is intimidating, scary and hard to approach. When in the early stages of a relationship/friendship, it’s easy to idolize the other because of projections. It can feel like one is better than the other, and lead to competition or one upping. Or avoidance, insecurity and self doubt. Projections have to be understood as to why they are coming up. Its easy to think the pluto person is “bad” or “wrong” when the house person is dealing with insecurity.

Thank ya’ll for reading 💗🌟 I hope this resonated! Feel free to comment like and reblog 🤍

Paid Readings 🌟💗

[actual-changeling]

see, i think crowley would actually struggle so much once he and aziraphale get their shit together.

he has abandonment issues that got proven correctly, so his brain is not just going to let that go. aziraphale's intentions or explanations don't matter here, it's simply the fact that crowley has been terrified of being without him for centuries, of being left behind for someone or something better (-> heaven), and then it happened.

crowley offered himself up for the nth time, asked him again and again to be with him, and aziraphale left.

even once he knows why he left and they sort out any misunderstandings, that kind of deep-seated trauma-based paranoia will stay.

yes, partly this is me projecting but his brain will be stuck between "i love him, he loves me, just be happy, just let it go, don't ruin this" and "don't leave me again, why did you leave me, i hate you, i hate myself", which he will try to navigate silently and on his own.

and it won't work.

applying proper mental health diagnoses outside of the obvious cptsd is. difficult, but my personal headcanon for crowley is that he has the celestial equivalent of bpd, mostly because i see so much of my own symptoms in him and his trauma fits too.

learning how to form healthy attachments and have a good, non-toxic relationship with aziraphale is going to be hard as fuck, and they will always be a bit too codependent, a bit too all over the place no matter what they do.

they have so many things to sort out once they are somewhat on the same page/in a relationship, it's not gonna be a "and they lived happily ever after", they both have way too much to work through for that.

[polarcoconut]

How I've maintained good grades my whole life: The perfect school mindsetmindset

Tips to succeeding in school

I've always had good grades. Even if I fail a test. Even if I fail an exam, I've always had a good grade in the class. And that's from deep subconscious work.

Personal history: I've always been considered smart and good at school. I never heard differently. My teacher said once "If Haylie doesn't understand, no one understands." I've also always genuinely loved school. I liked being good. My teacher once said "I wish I had a classroom full of Haylie's." All this from a very young age helped me succeed for a long time. Until I had a serious mental health issue and basically lost myself. I had to find out what used to make me succeed at school. Cuz I'm telling y'all right now it wasn't effort. My main focus in class was my friends and crushes lmao. But I had a mindset from a young age that helped me. And I re-learned that mindset and now school feels the same for me. An easy asset that flows into life naturally.

How I did this

<3 BEING CLOSE WITH MY TEACHERS

teachers are humans. Respect them. Communicate with them. Show interest in their lives. Look at them while they teach. Ask questions. Value their insight. Be honest with them. All while still maintaining professionalism. They can be your references and even help you gain opportunities.

one time I talked my way out of taking a whole ass economics exam. got an automatic a on it for being nice to her throughout the course.

&lt;3 Valuing school

School definitely has its bad sides. But its a gift in many ways. Find how it brings value to your life. It can be an escape from your home life. It can be your way of moving up in the world.

<3 Finding the fun

I love school work! It's so fun!! Find the satisfaction. I love learning new things.

<3 Doing what I can

Only take on what you can actually do. (In american college that would mean, only taking as many classes as you can handle) It doesn't matter how long it takes you to do something. It's better to actually understand a class then rush through it. I have huge obligations to my family and work so I'm compassionate with myself on my school work load. Life is a lot so don't feel bad if you can't do everything you thought you could.

&lt;3 Getting help

This is actually something I struggle with but it's important. I know how dumb it feels but accept that you need help. For me, this is math and computer classes. I plan on hiring a tutor and everything. I want to do the best I possibly can. Learn your weaknesses and try to strengthen them.

<3 Rewarding myself

Be proud of yourself. Every achievement deserves a treat.

<3 Getting involved in what the school has to offer

School is a whole experience. Find something that interests you. Don't be a afraid to try something new. Make school a happy place for you.

stay tuned for a school affirmations post

[el-moscorrofio-y-el-mercachifle]

Which characters do you like the most and the least?

Hiii!!

Oh I love all the most important characters, although for different reasons! (I'm assuming this is about S1 lol)

I love Betty so much because I see myself in her a lot, which is something that I've always struggled to do with media representation with female characters. Growing up with such harsh insecurities, a family always trying to cheer us up about it, being so clumsy and a bit awkward, the self esteem issues, and even by the same first experience with a relationship that turned out to be fake! (Not fully the same, but something along those lines). When I first watched ysblf I felt very much like Betty pre change. Now I look back on it and still remember how it all felt! I see so much of me in Betty as a girl growing in the 2000s with lots of self esteem issues and my family as my backbone (although Betty is a much better, much smarter, and much a more patient person than me, by far lmao.) Leaving that aside, she's a genuinely good person. I love her real sorority, her genuine desire to help the Ecomoda employees, her love for her family and for Nicolás. I also love that fire in her. She's stubborn but determined. She's not perfect and allowed herself to be consumed by rage and her emotions because she's no angel. She never was. She slept with an engaged man knowing he was engaged, and she did it because she loved him. She accepted a bribe, and had it not being for her dad talking her out of it, she would have gotten the money because her family goes above anything else. She's fully human but so compassionate and funny and with so much love to give!

I love Armando Mendoza because he's so far from perfect and goes absolutely against the Prince Charming trope, but grows throughout the series and you can see how his actions torture him. He's so worried about not being enough that he ends up proving that he wasn't. He's driven by ego and fear and insecurity, and yells and threatens because he's so insecure in his respectability and leadership and deep down knows he's messing up (which is also a pain in the ego because he wants everything to be perfect to prove himself). He seems so big and threatening but he's actually incredibly mentally fragile. He has very little discipline and is so quick to get his defenses up... but he also has a weak spot for those under his charge. He knows he has power and doesn't want to abuse it. He's pretty much like an addict, always messing up and hurting the people he loves but can't stop it. He wants to be good but doesn't know how. He treats his gf like shit because he doesn't want her at all but he doesn't have the guts to face the consequences of leaving her. He doesn't want to hurt her but can't find another way to deal with her. They bring the worst out of each other.

I love Mario Calderón becuase he's a horrible person lmao. He's so calm and happy and charming that you's think you found actual prince charming, just to end up with a wicked witch lmao. His happiness and friendliness isn't sincere. He's too observant, and can quickly find people's weaknesses and doesn't care about exploiting them. He'll lurk in the corner and then insert ideas into Armando's mind. His biggest flaw is that he thinks he's much smarter than he actually is, but also is always suspicious of people around him. He's always making schemes but never thinks things through on the long run. He's totally okay with using and discarding people because he thinks they'd do the same if they could. He's totally okay with fanning the flames of paranoia in Armando's mind. He fears nothing but public humiliation, mainly because he likely lives off public perception. He's also hilarous and. Always makes me laugh!

I love Marcela because she's both so wrong and so right, and I can't fully blame her for either. She's sickly attahced to this man that she desperately wants but doesn't love, because she can't stand him or have anything in common with him, but NEEDS him because at this point it's a matter of principle, of pride, of ego, and most important, of family. He's her everything: her childhood companion, her boss, her fellow executive, her fellow owner of the company her mom and dad created, her basically adopted brother. They grew up together. It's a lifetime of attachment. Her own basically adoptive parents keep telling her all the time they're perfect for each other! But she's also so deeply resentful of him because he treats her like shit. She, just like him, is practically always on the defensive, but like an addict she cannot stop looking for him even though it hurts her so much. So she hurts him too. That's their game, the only thing they know with each other. It's a constant battle, one that keeps you on edge. At the same time, she's so full of ego that she hates every woman that Armando lays eyes on because she can't hold HIM accountable so she hates them instead. She hates Betty because Betty has everything she wants from Armando without even havi g to fight. She got it from day 1. She despises Betty because she represents all that should be between Armando and her. And it's a pain in the ego to know that Betty being so ugly and poor still wins this round over her. She thinks she should have all that because she's supposedly socially perfect and has worked for it, even though her "work" actually comes from a place of ego and hurt and pain.

Those are my favorite characters! Honestly, I could write ESSAYS about each of them, this js only the tip of the iceberg lmao

Regarding the ones I don't like, I honestly like mot of them. Different degrees, ofc. I like Mariana much more than I like Sofia, for example, and I dislike Patty much more than I dislike AM lmao.

The only character that J can totally say I fully dislike is Jenny. I dislike her so much that I skip her scenes in the rewatches jajaja whiny tones are absolutely jarring for my ears lmao but sometimes a good story can balance it out, but Jenny doesn't really have it. She's just bad because and we know nothing else lmao

Sorry this is a big rambli g with no editing lmao thanks for the question!

[strawberryraviegutz]

I feel like this needs to be said but..Am I the only one getting annoyed with the “Ame Chan is a bad person/problematic” discourse?? I’m not just talking about the ppl who’ve been complaining about her character saying they “didn’t realize how awful she was”. I’m also talking about ppl being like “lmao yall clearly didn’t play the game of course she’s a horrible person you’re just now realizing that??”

You don’t necessarily have to play a game to be a fan of it. It’s pretty common for ppl to watch gameplay videos or videos covering the story of/analyzing games and characters if they can’t or don’t wanna play it. Second I dont think we should just look at Ame through a black and white lense. Ame’s not a horrible person but she’s not necessarily good either. She’s a very VERY flawed person who struggles with mental health issues and addiction and makes rlly bad decisions and says rlly mean/bad things.

But that’s like…literally everyone on earth. Everyone has flaws especially mentally ill ppl, nobody’s perfect. It’s implied that Ame was literally abandoned/disowned by her parents so of course she’s not going to make the best decision with a “stable” mind especially if you’re desperate.

Ame Chan does terrible things/decisions like taking drugs on stream and self harming on stream and I think she even killed herself on stream too in one ending(tho feel free to correct me if I’m wrong) which is obviously irresponsible and dangerous. And she says things that aren’t necessarily nice or the best(some of it is warranted since some of the ppl in her chat were saying rlly awful, gross and even misogynistic things and calling her “old”).

And while she only wanted to be kangel for attention online, it’s kinda possible that she’s been able to have positive impacts on her fans/audience. We’ve seen how she is with the younger side of her fanbase as Kangel. She’s very kind and compassionate and overall very sweet towards them. Kangel’s entire persona is revolved around reaching out to lonley ppl online who’re struggling and to make them happy.

She may be doing it only for money snd attention, but like most ppl who struggle with mental health issues, they sometimes don’t realize the positive impacts they’ve had on the ppl around them. Hell maybe deep down Ame made Kangel to also help reach out to ppl like her online and make them happy too.

And as for the whole shotacon accusations, Ame Chan is NOT a shotacon. It was a very bad translation error and we all know that most translators aren’t always reliable(especially Google Translate) so please stop spreading that around. It’s been debunked already.

Maybe I’m biased because while I don’t have BPD(at least I don’t think so), have never taken drugs, nor have I ever cut myself in like a very VERY long time(tho I never left any scars cuz i didn’t like pain)and have an anxiety disorder and am autistic, I still sorta relate to/kin Ame Chan.

I’ve had my moments where I’ve had emotional and or violent outbursts(not where I’ve beat someone up or broke anything)due to a rush of emotion and or getting real worked up/frustrated online and irl.

And it’s always rubbed me the wrong way when I’ve been seeing ppl trying to put Ame into the box of “bad/problematic person” whether you’re trying to defend her character or not. It’s a lot more complex and morally grey than that and I think characters like her being in media are important to lessen the stigma of mental health whether it be in Japan or worldwide.

Feel free to correct me and fill me in on stuff if I missed anything or left anything out but in conclusion, Ame Chan is a not a good person, but she’s not necessarily a monster and or all bad either and I think ppl on both sides should realize that.

[princessbrunette]

RULES ♡

♡ this is a given, but minors do not interact! i can’t stop you from doing what you want to do. but respect my boundaries, you will be blocked otherwise.

♡ i will not engage with hate in my ask box about myself or other tumblr writers. its not the place for that.

♡ please don’t just ask to be an emoji anon without having anything else to say in the message! this sounds harsh, but a lot of people ask to be an emoji anon and i add them to the list and i never hear from them again. from now on i will be mostly ignoring asks that are just asking to be an emoji with nothing else to the message.

♡ i only reply to what i have inspiration for! if i don’t answer the request pls don’t take it personally or spam my inbox asking again and again, it will be ignored!

♡ to add to the point above, please don’t send asks / messages asking if i’m receiving your requests. i likely am ! i will either get to them eventually or i just don’t vibe with it enough to write about it. i kindly ask you don’t take it personally as i try my best to get through as many asks as i can. no i dont hate you!

♡ whilst i’d love to be there for you, i am not a therapist and i have my own problems too. please do not trauma dump in my ask box. to add; please do not request a character dealing with very specific or deep issues as i don’t want to write that kind of thing in fear of not doing it justice esp if its not something i struggle with!

♡ my blog caters to hyper fem!reader simply because that’s who i am, and what i enjoy. therefore, that’s all i will be writing and i apologise if you do not identify this way and cannot connect to my reader! its honestly all i know, as i put myself in readers shoes. other than that however i do not race / weight code my reader, or physically describe them in any way aside from clothes / nails / accessories etc :)

♡ please do not demand i write certain things, demand a part 2, or express disappointment in where i choose to end the piece of writing! pressuring me to write in general generally doesn’t sit well with me n will only motivate me to do the opposite !

♡ alongside this, i know it sounds petty but i get it all the time and honestly it’s quite annoying — if you spam asks saying “i miss *insert character or au that i write* :(” but offer no ideas about them to write, i’m just going to take that as you complaining and not write them for you.

♡ there is dark theming on this blog! for example stepcest / fauxcest. do not reblog or reply with things like ‘i find X part weird but i liked everything else’ etc because i wont take kindly to it ! without sounding like a total bitch, i don’t care what u don’t like ! this is my blog hehe , if u feel like you won’t enjoy a certain fic i have no issue w you scrolling past!

♡ i write for a handful of people, but usually fixate on one or two characters whilst i’m in a certain ‘phase’. if this doesn’t interest you, feel free to unfollow or mute! but understand my blog is catered to my current interests.

♡ i do not write for rape, self harm/suicide, insecurity issues/ mental health issues.

♡ please don’t make your writing, layout of your writing, or blog look identical to mine. i find it disrespectful when my theming etc gets copied so i will probably limit my interaction with you! i can’t tell you what to do and i dont ‘own’ certain things but if you have enough respect for me to be inspired, have enough respect to make your blog your own !! this being said pls credit ideas from me too !

♡ please don’t send requests to my dms or dm me personal questions / anything inappropriate.

♡ please no super long super specific requests. if i see an ask that starts with ‘could you write’ and the ask is multiple paragraphs it will probably be ignored unfortunately !

♡ friendly reminder that i’m not forcing you to follow me !! if you’re upset with me enforcing boundaries i suggest you don’t follow. i will likely not give attention to u voicing this or being rude to me for doing so.

if you have any questions or feel i missed out anything vital, don’t be afraid to ask or let me know!

[letteredlettered]

Hi!! Have you ever struggled with burnout, depression, or overwork? Currently in my first job post college and it’s been very intense as we are currently like 3 people doing the work of a team designed for 7 people (two roles they are working to fill and two people are out on leave -> one is out on vacation and the other on parental leave). Have spent many ours on overtime (around two days a week I usually sleep five or six hours and spend a few more hours working —> other days I work a bit less but still some overtime) for the last few months. It’s really hard to decompress and stop thinking about work as I work remotely. I need to get better at setting limits and advocating for myself but I think one issue I’ve been dealing with is getting caught in a cycle of having a lot so having not a lot of time to do an analysis of like what needs to change and this is my bandwidth. Also it’s hard to predict bandwidth sometimes because I’m still very new to this industry and department, so I’m still learning how much coordination is necessary to get something done. Another problem is that everyone is stretched to their limit and extremely busy, so I feel kind of bad rejecting projects. I think an issue is that I also have relatively low self-esteem and confidence but a deep desire to be “good” from like an academic perspective and a work perspective, and the main leader of my team is someone who I like a lot and appreciates what I do, so I keep trying to do more or at least meet expectations. I also receive assignments from different people (five people total, usually), so people generally don’t have visibility as to my bandwidth unless I speak up. One person in particular gave me a lot of assignments with a good deal of time pressure and was the person that I was working the closest with —> still trying to catch up to some of the more evergreen projects I had with him because the other projects I’ve had in the last two months have even way too intense to do anything else. I’m really grateful for this job and I like a lot of the people I work with, but I’m kind of struggling.

I mention all of this because I really respect the way you are able to commit to creative projects and create incredible works and really focus on making something. I’ve never really had an ability to stick to a creative project or hobby for an extended period of time —> frequently I disappoint myself in my lack of consistency or follow-through for a lot of my personal goals. I also really appreciate the way that you engage with certain themes in your work and value your perspective. So just kind of curious if you’ve been through this before or have any thoughts about this sort of thing

I've thought a lot about what to tell you here.

What anyone would recommend is that you set boundaries and take care of yourself. They'd say that your well-being is more important than your work. If they read your ask carefully they'd realize that maybe your performance in this job is connected to your well-being in your mind. If they're looking at the strings that control the system they're going to tell you capitalism has brainwashed us into thinking that we should sacrifice our health for the sake of production, and then they'll tell you you should do what you can to break out of the capitalist mentality. If they're not excited about seizing the means of production then their in-universe advice (in-the-capitalist-universe advice) is going to point out that you cannot produce more for the capitalist machine if you're burnt out (I'd call these people the neoliberals of tumblr but I'm not sure that exists; I haven't seen it).

But none of that is really addressing the problem here, because you already know all of that, or if you don't know it, knowing that isn't going to help you. You don't need to be told to set boundaries. You know you accept too many projects; you know that you haven't been clear with your colleagues about your bandwidth. You know you're trying too hard to please others and that part of the reason is you have a low self-esteem.

Something that people don't talk about enough is how bad it feels to set boundaries. When people advise others to "set boundaries" it's always as if it's never occurred to anyone else to stand up for themselves. The problem is that it usually has occurred to us, but it's hard to do and feels bad. Hearing "stand up for yourself!" repeatedly can sometimes help us feel like we did the right thing when we do manage to stand up for ourselves, but it can just as often make you feel even worse when you can't stand up for yourself. You're being overworked and you're not doing the thing that everyone tells you you should do.

And another thing that people do not talk about enough is that most workplaces do not like employees who set boundaries for themselves. They like people who say yes. You often won't get in trouble for setting reasonable limits for yourself, but you won't advance. The ones who work late and work on weekends and take on every project and say nothing about bandwidth are usually the ones who get promoted. I'm not saying this because it's right or okay. It's another flaw in the capitalist system. But it is very often true, and I've been a little frustrated that in all these glorious discussions about boundary-setting, this is not something that gets talked about more.

So what to do, when you know the answers, but it doesn't feel great, and might not get you where you want to go?

Spend time with your feelings. A lot of time with your feelings. Imagine ways to communicate your bandwidth. Imagine how you would feel in each scenario. Pick scenarios that feel more comfortable and less intimidating for you. Imagine saying no to a new project. Imagine how you would feel doing that. Pick a way of doing it that feels the most manageable.

Think about your colleagues, what you like about them and why. Imagine how they would feel if they knew that you were struggling. Imagine having an honest conversation with them about how hard this is for you. Would they listen open and compassionately? Would they try to make changes that could help you? Or would they say, "We're all going through it," and "there's nothing to be done?" Imagine saying to them, "I know we're all going through this, because of the staffing challenges we're facing," and "I know there's not much to be done about this, but this is how I'm feeling." Would they accept your vulnerability? Would it make you feel bad to be vulnerable in that way? Would it make you feel worse to be vulnerable in that way or to say nothing?

That's not a leading question. Saying nothing is okay. There have been many times where I am facing a problem and I realized that doing nothing was the thing that made me feel best. There were other times when I really didn't want to do something and I knew it would be incredibly hard, but I knew I would feel much better having done it.

Think about your self-esteem and confidence. Why don't you feel confident? When you imagine saying no, and it feels bad, what makes it feel so bad? Is it because other people don't say no? Are you measuring yourself against those other people? How can you stop doing that? Or is it because you feel like a good worker always says yes? Where did you get that idea? Was it an idea communicated to you by people who love you? By society? Are there people who haven't made you feel that your worth as a person was predicated on how much you were able to accomplish? When is the last time you spent time with them? What makes you feel good about yourself? When is the last time you did it? Are there things you can do outside of work to boost your confidence? What are they? Can you do them? Why not? If work is holding you back from doing them, is it worth it?

It's okay if work feels worth it. I'm not endorsing the capitalist machine when I say that it is okay to do something that is really difficult or unpleasant for a certain amount of time to get where you are going. But if that's what you're going to do, then develop a plan of escape. Ask yourself how long you're willing to put up with this. Ask yourself what the next step in your career or life journey is. Ask yourself what you will put up with to get there and what is unacceptable. Write it down if you have to, then try to abide by that, and if you are unable to bear your plan six months down the line, make a new one.

I am fortunate in that these kinds of questions come really naturally to me, and I think they must not come so naturally for a lot of other people. Definitely, there are blocks in my mind; I'm not always able to understand myself or my own feelings; I don't know what's best for myself or how to make myself do things I want. But this kind of thinking is not going to give you immediate answers. Instead, it's going to build the skill of getting to know yourself.

The ultimate question you should be asking is "What will make me happy?" It sounds like a simple question, but it is in fact the most difficult of all. It is the question we struggle with every day, and every book that was ever written, every song that was ever sung, every painting that was ever painted is about that, in the end. The answer to that question is the meaning of life. Most people never find it, but the search is worth it.

It's definitely worth it.

[kdinjenzen]

Hello, wishing you well.

Any recent work that surprised you with how good it was?

For a personal example, I have been bouncing through some less popular manga and getting more invested then I thought I would. "I wanna Quite being a Hitman" and "Yomi No Tsugai" for examples.

On the "other end" of the spectrum, I am shocked how much I am enjoying the current Avengers book. Normally the "main" Avengers book is meh to me but right now it is good.

This is my big "EVERYONE SHOULD READ THIS" thing right now:

UNTIL I LOVE MYSELF (Vol 1 & 2)

It is a two volume deep dive into the author's life, the struggles they dealt with, the damage done to them and by them, and how they found help, became better, got answers and closure, and learned more about other people and themself.

It is a VERY rough read. It is NOT a happy story and deals with a LOT of real shit that the author was both put through and put others through. But it's has a happy conclusion and shows a bright future for the author.

The biggest point it deals with, beyond gender identity, is the societal shift between Pre-2020 and Post-2020 mentalities and how, despite being more awake to issues, lots of people have used this as a way to attack others and lash out without dealing with their OWN issues.

100/100 book but, unfortunately, I feel like people will read it and get pissed off that the author is a flawed human being who made mistakes and will not learn a goddamn thing from reading it.

That said. Read the books. There's only two. They are fairly short. And there's so much I resonated with in it that, while I know the author will never see my praise, the next best thing is telling others how good this was and hoping they will read it too.

[angel-of-the-moons]

Hey would it be okay to request something that’s a kind of personal comfort with Hobie? I was diagnosed with schizophrenia last year and I’ve been getting help with it from medication and therapy. But there’s days where it’s just really really bad. Could I request something with Hobie comforting his gf through an episode, but she sees one of her hallucinations lunge at her and she screams in fear, which makes Hobie hold her close and whisper in her ear “It’s not real. None of it’s real baby girl it’s okay. I’m real, I’m real and I’m here and I’m gonna protect you, I promise. Deep breaths baby, deep breaths”. (I hope this is okay to request, if you don’t feel comfortable or unable to fulfil the request I more than understand!) 💙

Oh hunny, as someone who is predisposed to schizophrenia I understand! I myself have some mental problems (not related to schizophrenia) that are very similar and I understand the struggle, especially when you can't get treatment or miss doses of your medication (as is my current case).

I hope this helps you feel a bit better, hon. 💙

A Helping Hand

Soft!Hobie x Schizophrenic!GF!Reader

TW/CW: Mental Illness, Hallucinations, mentions of medication, brief panic attack

A/N: This is based off of my own experiences with this particular issue, as I mentioned. If I misrepresent it in any way, I apologize!

🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸

It was 3am.

He knew something was wrong the moment he entered your flat, the lights were mostly off, things thrown to the floor.

"Babe?" He called out to you, his Spidey senses immediately went off, the hairs on his body standing as he set his guitar down, tossing his mask onto the tiny dining table.

He called out your name, softer this time as he walked through the flat.

He made it into your shared room, where he found you.

Things were tossed out of your closet, thrown onto the bed and floor, the dresser drawers scattered and half empty. His shoulders sagged softly.

You had another episode.

Hobie walked over to the closet, keeping his voice low.

"Hey, babygirl. You 'right?" He asked, carefully shoving the coats hanging in the closet aside.

The sight of you broke his heart. It did every time.

You were curled in on yourself, scratch marks up and down your arms and legs, your hair messy, probably a bloody scalp from yanking.

"Babe--"

His voice cut off when you screamed, raising your arms above your head.

His Spidey senses kicked in hard, catching the bat before it cracked him in the head, his wide hand encircling the wood.

He didn't get angry. He didn't get upset. He couldn't. Not with you.

Never with you.

"H-H-Hobie?" Your tiny, shaky voice stammered out.

You looked up at him, eyes large, glassy, and afraid; tear streaks down your reddened face, a small dried streak of blood coming from your nose.

You hit yourself again.

"Yeah, baby, it's me." He said to you, gently prying your fingers from the bat, setting it slowly on the ground.

"Scoot on over f'me, yeh?" Hobie asked.

You did as he said, making yourself as small as possible.

He shoved the hanging clothes aside, sitting next to you in the closet, resting the back of his head against the wall.

"Can I put my arm around ya, babe?" He asked.

You nod, sniffling as you feel another crying fit start to bubble up.

Hobie slipped his arm around your shoulders and tugged you against him, kissing the top of your head.

"I-I-I can s-see them, H-Hobie." You whisper, clutching onto him, your knuckles white. "I can s-s-see them."

"I know, babygirl. But nothin' is gonna hurt ya while I'm here, got it? You're always safe 's long as I'm 'round. Take some nice breaths for me, alright?" He murmured into your hair.

You panic, breathing heavily yet again, nails digging into your arms as you try to stem the fear bubbling up inside you. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry--"

"Hush." He said softly. "Nothin' wrong. You didn't do anythin' to apologize for."

"I--I--" You say, your body trembling again.

"...You outta meds again?" He asked gently.

"Yes." You cry softly.

"Hey, hey. It's okay. We'll go to the pharmacy in the mornin', get your 'scripts filled. You'll be okay. We can call the doctor if ya wanna."

"Okay..."

"Now c'mon, I know you," He said, grunting as he stood up, gently pulling you by your hands to stand with him. "You haven't showered since yesterday. C'mon, it'll make you feel better."

And he was right.

You felt the tensions ease from your body as Hobie gently sponged the wounds you left on yourself, you felt your anxiety lift a bit; parting the veil, as it were, as Hobie massaged your scalp, combing out the knots you'd made as he gently scrubbed the conditioners in to smooth things out.

You knew, as long as Hobie was here, the monsters in your head couldn't hurt you. The things you see in your peripheral vision were never going to touch you.

Because as long as Hobie was there, you were safe.

You were loved.

You always would be.

[pardonmydelays]

so it's been a few days since you saw waitress, what are your initial thoughts?

thank you so much for reminding me and sorry for being quiet about it for so long, i've been meaning to write this mini essay but i really needed to take a deep breath & collect my thoughts first. so...

sugar, butter, flour... (it's been ringing in my head for days)

i honestly didn't really know what to expect when i started watching it. i knew a little bit about the plot, not that much tho, & i knew who wrote the music for it, the rest was a mystery to me.

i always say the best musicals are the ones that make you cry & this was definitely one of those. it made me feel... so many things at once. so first of all, i think the proshot was absolutely beautiful & i wish we could see more musicals this way. second of all: the characters! all of them so incredibly written & so real!

ok, i am really trying not to be chaotic here, but it's not easy (i've cried multiple times while watching it, ok???). jenna's story completely broke my heart. also, as a person who ended a very toxic relationship not that long ago, i must say i could feel her pain & struggle even more (earl reminded me of my ex so much it hurts, but we are not going there). but she wasn't the only relatable character here, this may be surprising for you, but i literally had a mental breakdown on "when he sees me" cause i found a little bit of myself there (wow, i've got issues)... another song worth mentioning is definitely "she used to be mine" (that was the moment i had to stop watching for a second cause my eyes were so full of tears i couldn't see anything lol). and don't even get me started on "you matter to me"... especially when you think about the ending...

the ending was really surprising for me, but not in a bad way i guess? as much as i wanted a happy ending for jenna, i didn't want it to be all perfect cause that's the thing about life, right? it's never perfect. but she did found herself & her happiness eventually & to be completely honest with you anon, i love a good story that shows us we can be happy without men (even tho it broke my heart a little bit). also, she wasn't left alone. she had amazing friends (another thing that always makes me cry because friendships are so important to me & they are always my favourite part of the plot) & her little daughter! & her own place! & omg i think i'm gonna start crying again...

so, like, you know. i will probably rewatch it pretty soon, i'm also gonna listen to the soundtrack more cause my thoughts are really chaotic at the moment, but overall i think this is such a great musical, definitely one of the best i've seen so far and i am dying to see it live! the choreography was absolutely incredible, the whole cast was amazing, the music was really, really good and the plot made me cry like a baby. this is all you need to know. i loved it so much!!!

[linkspooky]

Hi there, I was rereading your Maki Zenin fanfic (Tyler Durden and the Culling Game piece). I must say when I read it the first time reading it, the way you depict her mentality, emotion, and actions. It was so emotionally draining and at the same time cathartic as it reminded me of myself back then and now still (well minus mass murdering all lotta people). But also surprised me, cause I have never this depiction of her after Shibuya Incident. But over time as I look at your analysis on various characters and paid attention to her upbringing by rereading the manga chapters focused on her, I realized the way she behaves in the Culling Games after what happen to her throughout her life. She is kind of stable??? Regardless, even though she is already my all-time favorite character. Your depictions of her makes me love her character even more as I actually relate to her more and felt those similar feelings. But I'm glad she is alive and is doing ok near the end of the manga, so I wanna ask. What do you think about her character now since JJK is VERY close to its end? And how do you feel about where she is right now as of Chapter 269. Sorry for the long ramble, I might ask more lol.

Thank you so much for your ask! That reminds me I need to start updating my culling games fic again sometime soon. For anyone curious the ask is about THIS YUTAMAKI FIC HERE.

Maki's kind of a hard character to talk about because even though Maki is clearly one of my favorite characters to explore in fic, and I love to dive deep into her motivations and inner struggles in the fanfics I write every time I criticize her writing in canon a little bit her fans jump me.

So instead I'm going to share one recent Maki scene I really liked, and one little tweak I think would have made both Yuta and Maki's character endings perfect.

You're right, for a lifelong abuse victim who just murdered her family Maki seems oddly stable all throughout the culling games. I no longer think this is a Maki specific problem, but rather a Jujutsu Kaisen problem. Basically, post Shibuya most of the character conflicts in between characters are dropped so everyone can work seamlessly together as a part of one big team.

This is a storytelling choice on Gege's so he could eventually set up for the Shinjuku Showdown fight, it'd be impossible for everyone to keep jumping in and out of the fight if people kept stopping to argue and have interpersonal conflicts in the middle of it.

If your name wasn't Megumi or Yuji, then basically all your personal hangups, your self-reflection, all got dropped. Which now it kind of makes sense why the audience was yelling at Megumi for not being able to immediately get over his sister's death, like in comparison none of the other characters spend any time at all dwelling on personal issues because Gege needs them to move to the next fight.

I'm not complaining, I'm just saying this is how Gege chose to write his characters post Shibuya, most personal conflicts got dropped for story reasons.

However, there was one moment that made me really get on board with Maki's writing again, and it was a... you guessed it moment of personal conflict.

This moment where Yuta is bringing up the idea of body swapping with Gojo before the group, and Maki despite being firmly against it is unable to do or say anything substantive to stop Yuta.

It's the first time I've seen that yeah, Maki is still in fact reeling from the loss of Mai. It doesn't really show most of the time on the surface, but Maki's always been like that - like an island able to stand strong without the support of anyone else. It is her strength, and also her greatest weakness.

Remember, the last time someone she loved walked away from her and decided to sacrifice their body and autonomy so they could become a weapon for the greater good Maki wasn't able to say or do anything to convince Mai to stay with her and stay by her side too.

There's the parallel with Maki and Sukuna, that Sukuna chose to devour his own twin in the womb in order to survive and therefore gained a body perfect for sorcerery. When Mai died, Maki gained a body just like Toji's.

Maki carved everything away in order to become a true void, but unlike Sukuna she didn't do it by choice.

We know she wouldn't willingly sacrifice Mai. She begged Mai to stay. Yet, she kind of did choose to sacrifice Mai with every choice she made before that. Maki chose being a Jujutsu Sorcerer over Mai every single time, to the point where when it counted she couldn't do anything to convince Mai to stay.

Maki consumed her twin and became a monster like Sukuna, a true void. She didn't choose to do it per se, but every choice she made leading up to that point indicated to Mai that Maki would rather be strong on her own then weak together with Mai. That Maki is someone like Gojo, and like Sukuna meant to stand strong all alone. Maki is an island and that is her greatest strength and her greatest flaw.

As when it happens again and someone she loves is about to become a monster, she can't find the words to convince Yuta to stay with her on the beach instead of walking into the ocean the same way she couldn't find the words to stop Mai. After all, Maki is someone who chose to become a monster like Toji after losing everything else, what right does she have to stop Yuta from becoming a monster too?

How could she possibly stop him from walking the path she walked? I think it's telling to thde depths of her love that Maki who values being a sorcerer above everything else, would have rather had both Mai and Yuta stay human and stay with her, but also telling of her complete inability to express that love.

It's "You're too important to us" because the words "You're too important to me," doesn't occur to Maki in both cases with Yuta and Mai, because Maki is an island. She can keep going on even after Mai and Yuta are gone even if she doesn't want to.

So here is the one change I would make the Maki's endgame to make her and Yuta's character arcs perfect. I would just have Yuta not be able to come back from Gojo's body. Otherwise, Yuta being magically fixed after the fact makes that whole plot twist kind of inconsequential and as much as I love Yuta in Gojo's body it kind of just seems to exist for shock-value now considering how easily it was resolved.

Yuta not coming back would provide a consequence for Yuta defiling Gojo's body, and also in general give the perfect bittersweet ending to both him and Maki's arcs. They both chose to become monsters in the end to defeat Sukuna, and as a result Maki is standing alone at the strongest. It would also provide the perfect parallel to this scene with Geto and Gojo. You could even have Maki musing on how she was left behind again. There's a pretty big parallel to Maki and Gojo both being people who seemingly don't need anyone because they're so strong and self-sufficient and yet they crumble at the idea of the one person they've always been relying on walking away from them.

It would also parallel Megumi and Itadori as well, because the reason that itadori is eventually able to reach Megumi is specifically because unlike everyone else he refused to give up his humanity to defeat Sukuna.

You could have a really heartbreaking parallel of three generations of friendships broken apart by the Jujutsu World. Satosugu, and YutaMaki aren't able to reach each other and stay together, but finally by never giving up on reaching out towards one another Megumi and Itadori are both able to find each other again after the world and Sukuna pulled them apart.

I do enjoy this scene a lot - especially the parts where Maki seems borderline arrogant by insisting she could have done things all on her own and if they went with her plan instead of Yuta's then they would have suffered far less losses. Especially since Maki's not genuinely trying to chew Yuta out here, she just knows no other way to express her worry over him besides being hyper aggressive and confrontational.

It still shows that Maki's personality problems are all still there, she loves people a lot but she loves people from afar and can't admit to needing them but like I'm just saying we could have had THE UTLIMATE DOOMED LOVERS ending for YutaMaki.

[peachyqueenly]

Black Pearl Cookie and BPD

I think folks should discuss how we now have another character heavily coded to have BPD in Black Pearl Cookie, so that's exactly what my (diagnosed) self is gonna do--

BPD, Borderline personality disorder, is defined as a mental illness that significantly impacts a person’s emotional regulation, according to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). Such a deregulation results in increased impulsivity, poor self-esteem/sense of self, and difficulty in relationships with others.

While there is no defined cause for the disorder, most experts generally agree it comes from environmental factors. In particular long term exposure to stress/danger as a child and abuse (particular CSA).

The best way to go through it imo is to go through some general criteria that often goes into the condition... and how it can apply to White/Black Pearl both before she absorbed the tear and after.

1. Unstable or changing relationships

Her feelings on others often go through shifts depending on her mood and state of mind; even as White Pearl, she couldn't bring herself to hurt or kill Lord Oyster even after how betrayed she felt. She wanted to hate him, but she couldn't separate the fact he hurt her from the fact she loved him. Her unstable relationships can also be seen in her sisters and the complicated relationship she had with them that only got more complicated when she became Black Pearl.

An example of this I'd provide is this-- Crimson Coral is right this situation is far more complicated than White Pearl thinks. But her attachment (more on that later) to Lord Oyster and complicated relationship both with him and her sisters led to... problems.

2. Unstable self-image, including struggles with sense of self and identity

We saw this in her emotions during Duskgloom, but this scene just makes it even more blatant in how she has a sense of disassociation and depersonalization-- she struggles to see White Pearl as herself.

Many people with, especially those whose BPD can be traced back to childhood PTSD/trauma (like myself) often experience this sensation of seeing pictures of themselves as kids and not recognizing it as themselves. It's not quite like DID, but there is some overlap if that helps.

3. Anger regulation problems, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights

This one goes without saying. Black Pearl finds herself sinking ships... I wouldn't even say just for fun. As we see in the New Years snippet of her that it's not even fun for her.

She feels compelled to act out the way she does as its the only way she feels she can let out these feelings. It is not justified, but it's not her killing people for fun. We also see it in the scene with this very CG where her emotions shift HARD and suddenly with Caviar.

4. Frequent mood swings

Not much explanation here, as it kinda goes hand in hand with the above notes on her anger issues. And how she shifted in tone with Caviar quickly when she got triggered by his poking at her past.

5. Impulsive behaviors

Also kinda already explained; in her sinking stuff not being for fun, this kinda goes into it as its more of an impulsive habit she does to stave off her feelings and hurt.

Five traits is enough to get a diagnosis amongst other things, but I would argue from personal experience she also shows traits of stress-related paranoia (her interaction with Caviar), and deep down a consistent and constant feelings of sadness or worthlessness.

One of the more popular things discussed about BPD online is the idea of having a favorite person; its often an individual experience (as how a lot of ppl describe the feeling doesn't match my experience, but I know I have a FP), but I would argue that White Pearl developedthis relationship with Lord Oyster. It was a quick, sudden, and arguably irrational attachment that led to her placing her entire faith and identity into him (symbolized by her giving him the pearl). And when you're hurt by your fp... well, its. Complicated.

You want to see them suffer; disappear. Or... thats how it often is depicted. I know for me that it takes a lot for my feelings to reach this point. Instead, I struggle to truly accept I've been hurt and instead ignore the feeling/act out in other ways.

Instead of switching from idolization to devaluing, she just. Chose to ignore it. She couldn't bring herself to hurt or hate him, and so she forced him to never return. And stewed in maladaptive coping mechanisms at the bottom of the sea...

Black Pearl's association with key parts of BPD is an important part of her character, and one I'm glad to discuss with others. I hope you found this thread nice, and if you'd like to add anything please feel free!!!

[adolfusraptor1985]

Realization

Learned something about myself recently that I think has opened my eyes to an opportunity to heal from issues I've been having over the past few years of my life.

For some background information, I've been writing stories since the fifth grade. Since then, I've generally had the same cast of characters that I write about and imagine. Many years and two scrapped writing projects later, the majority of those characters have disappeared or have faded into the background as side characters.

Now I've started a new book. One that I'm focusing more energy on than all my previous attempts combined. I've spent months just fleshing out my characters and their backgrounds, and now I've been focusing on the main plotline. I don't need to rant about that though, because the book isn't exactly the reason for writing this.

I have four characters, the mains of this new book, and they are characters who have been around since I first wanted to pursue writing years and years ago. They've grown and changed since I first created them, but this past year their backstories and personalities have been fully developed.

I've been imagining, writing, and fantasizing about these characters for years, and just now after beginning this book, have I realized that each one of these main four represent a deep struggle or insecurity that I have. All this time and I've been writing about myself, and these characters are only personifications of the things I hate most about me.

This story that I'm writing is called Rock Dog Rehab. It's a story about a world of anthropomorphic canines and takes place in New York city. To keep it short, these four main characters come together and start a band while also helping one another heal from their issues. As it turns out, each of these "issues" is an exaggerated form of something I myself struggle with, and how these characters solve those issues, might just be the key to getting better myself.

In case you're interested, let me give you a quick rundown on each of those characters.

First off is Midnight. She's a straight A student with incredibly supportive parents, just like myself. Her problem is that she is constantly overwhelmed, stressed, and anxious around her schoolwork. Your typical burnt-out gifted kid, she tries so hard to succeed, but in the end all she wants is to be done with school and just move on with her carrier. Too bad she has no plan for that yet. Midnight's experience perfectly reflects the increasing stress I have regarding school.

Next is Lois. She fell into depression and became an alcoholic after losing her girlfriend. She struggles to find joy in anything and shuts herself out from people. She also keeps all of her emotions tightly locked within her, not ready to face her grief surrounding her girlfriend. Lois represents my inability to grieve and process negative emotions correctly.

Ash is seen by everyone as your typical "big bad wolf". People have all sorts of negative assumptions about them. Unfortunately, Ash being a junkie doesn't help the stereotypes people have about grey wolves. Because of how people see them, Ash reacts harshly and aggressively to people they aren't close with, which only feeds into people's views. Underneath however, they're a caring person. This is just like how people assume I'm "mean" or "antisocial" because I act threatening.

Finally, is Magdalina. It's clear that on the surface, she represents my struggles with self-harm, but there's more to it than that. Underneath, Mag deals with a multitude of mental disorders that leave people treating her very different than others. At school, she's completely outcast. At home, she's treated like a little pup (kid). Mag could care less about getting better. All she wants is to be seen and treated as a normal person, just like I do. Even if getting better should be more important to us...

Once again, I never intended to write my own issues into these characters, but somehow, they became so important to me that I subconsciously did. Now, I feel like as I continue writing this book as if this realization never happened, I will subconsciously write the ways in which I'm going to get better. And who knows, maybe I won't be able to write these characters happy ending until I write my own. But none the less, I feel like this book is going to be a big help in my journey.