#not to mention the dissociative feelings from my anxiety :))) fun times

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

saw you might be taking requests? can you do a drabble where y/n is a survivor of domestic abuse and levi ends up raising his voice at some point and y/n gets triggered and levi comforts them? pls skip if ur uncomfortable with this!

absolutely LOVE that my very first aot request is heavy angst

You're Safe | Levi Hurt/Comfort Oneshot

✧ word count ➼ 1.6k (i think this word count is just my standard at this point lmao) ✧ content/warnings: mentions of abuse, panic attacks, dissociation, canon!verse, reader is a survivor of domestic abuse, levi being comforting in his levi way, all the not fun stuff that comes with being a survivor, please let me know if i missed any trigger warnings! ✧ notes ➼ I know that everyone's experience with being a survivor is vastly different. If you would like it portrayed in a different way, feel free to send me another ask and I will try my best to match it :) Not sure if this needs to be said, but if you ever need support or solidarity, my ask is always open!

You could tell that something was off the minute he walked in through the door. 

While Levi was rarely in a “good” mood after expeditions, you could tell that this most recent one must have gone much worse than anticipated. It was already getting late into the night and your anxiety was already elevated, having been waiting for Levi to arrive back home all day. The debrief must have taken much, much longer than usual, which was never a good sign.

You came out of your study to meet him in the living room, your heart dropping when you saw the dark look on his face and how ruffled his uniform and hair was. 

“Levi?” you asked quietly as you approached him. 

You could tell that he was exhausted and incredibly stressed at the same time. He looked like he was about to collapse down onto the ground and that it was taking all his energy to keep going.

You reached out slowly and placed your hand on his arm, gently holding him. 

“What happened?”

“Nothing,” he grumbled, shrugging you off. “Just a long day.”

You gave him a small, half-hearted smile, knowing that it was definitely not “just a long day”. However, you knew that it took Levi much longer than a normal person to process distress and decompress and given the fact that he was in the Scouts and took regular deadly expeditions outside of the walls, distress was a constant in his life.

“You know that’s not true,” you said quietly, turning towards him as he walked past you. “Talk to me, Levi.”

He stopped walking and you heard a soft sigh come from his mouth. 

“Not now, _____.”

You frowned at him, knowing that “not now” easily translated to “not at all”. Although you knew to give him space, you also knew that if he went to bed in distress tonight, then he would wake up even worse tomorrow, which would make him detach even more, leading into an endless cycle of self-destruction and stonewalling.

“Levi, please,” you said, approaching him again. “What happened? Talk to me.”

He stopped walking and quickly glanced at you with irritation showing in his eyes.

“I said not now, _____!” he yelled out, a bit louder than he had intended to.

You felt yourself flinch and freeze as your blood ran cold. The sudden and drastic change from near silence to his voice bouncing off the walls immediately brought your mind from the present reality and into a dissociative state as you felt your eyes lose focus and your ability to perceive the room around you began to dissipate. Your breathing destabilized as you took a step back away from him.

Given your current state, you weren’t able to see Levi’s eyes widen as he realized what had just happened. You couldn’t see his face pale upon seeing your reaction. You couldn’t see him walking towards you as you quickly turned away, maintaining distance from him. You couldn’t see him open his mouth to speak or hear any words that were meant to come out after.

“I need to go to the restroom,” you muttered quickly as you rushed to the bathroom in the most composed way that you could, as tears began to cloud your vision.

Once you were in the bathroom, you shut the door behind you and leaned over the sink, unable to keep the tears back any longer. You shut your eyes as disturbing memories, ones that you thought you had stored away for good, emerged. You shook your head in an attempt to get them to go away and took a sharp inhale, your breath getting caught in your throat. You vaguely heard that your sobbing was audible due to your unsteady breathing and you quickly covered your mouth in an attempt to muffle yourself.

You felt the world begin to spin around you as you cursed at yourself in frustration. You didn’t understand why you were like this. What had happened was a long time ago. You knew that Levi wasn’t that person. You knew that he wouldn’t hurt you. You knew that, even when he was frustrated, he would never take his anger out on you. 

So why the hell do I still feel this way?!

You opened your eyes again once you heard a gentle knock on the bathroom door with it slightly opening since you hadn’t closed it all the way. You saw Levi approaching from the other side of the door and you immediately looked away, quickly wiping the tears off your face in a vain attempt to keep him from seeing your crying, although there was no hiding your swollen eyes or how red your nose had become from sniffling.

There was a solemn look on Levi’s usually expressionless face. He knew what was running through your head. He knew about the rampant thoughts that must have been plaguing your mind. His heart had dropped once he saw your reaction, but at that point, it was too late to take back what had just happened.

“Hey, _____,” he said, his voice gentle and soft.

You continued to look away, averting eye contact. 

“I’m fine, Levi,” you said with a flat tone, desperately trying to mask your vulnerable state.

You saw him place his hand down on the sink near you without actually making physical contact.

“Can I come closer?” he asked, still keeping his voice low, never taking his eyes off you.

You were quiet for a second as you continued to try to control the tears that were gathering in the corners of your eyes again. You shakily nodded at him as you slowly turned towards him again.

He slowly approached you, pausing for a second before gently placing his hands on your shoulders. He had approached you slowly, noticing that you slightly flinched again when he raised his hands. The most important thing to him right now was to ground you back to the present moment, and indicate that there was no danger.

After he felt you slightly relax upon his touch, he pulled you into a tight hug, placing his hand at the back of your head to hold you in as you buried your face into his chest.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered to you. “I shouldn’t have raised my voice.”

Upon hearing that, you weren’t able to hold your tears back anymore as you gripped at him, with your sobs becoming audible. You pressed your face against him, as if you were desperately trying to hide.

“N-No,” you said quietly, with your voice slightly muffled. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I still act like this. I don’t want you to feel like I don’t t-trust you or that I’m afraid of you or that I-”

“Stop,” he whispered, cutting you off. “It’s okay.”

He gently ran his fingers through your hair in an attempt to soothe and comfort you, placing a kiss on the top of your head.

You continued to press yourself against him. Although you were still sobbing and soaking his shirt with tears, your breathing had stabilized and you no longer felt like there was a storm tearing through your mind.

You both stood there for a minute as he continued to soothe you and ground you back into the present. 

Once he heard you take a deep breath, he spoke again.

“Come,” he said quietly, pulling away slightly, and gently directing you out of the bathroom and into the living room, leading you to the couch.

He sat down, pulling you in as you followed suit. 

You curled yourself into a ball, resting your head against his chest, taking comfort in the gentle rhythm of his heartbeat and the warm touch of you leaning against him. You still felt incredibly embarrassed from getting so heavily triggered and continued to hide your face in him.

After a few minutes of silence, you finally took another deep breath and pulled away slightly to look up at him.

“I’m sorry,” you said, wiping away any residual tears that had gathered on your cheeks. “I feel pathetic.”

He looked at you, his eyebrows slightly coming together as worry entered his eyes at your statement.

“Well, you don’t have to, but I know it’s hard,” he said quietly, gently brushing his fingers against your cheek and tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear so that he could see your face better. “It’s okay.”

He placed his other hand on your waist, giving you a gentle squeeze as a method of reassuring you of his prolonged presence.

You gripped at his shirt to ground yourself. You were here with Levi. The person you lived with currently was not your abuser. The person you found yourself being held by was someone that loved you unconditionally, in the best way that you wanted to be loved. This person cared and would never bring harm to you. You knew that. 

Slowly, a small smile appeared on your face as you parted your lips to speak again.

“Thank you,” you whispered, your voice barely audible.

He returned the smile, pulling you into a gentle kiss that lasted for more than a few seconds. 

You allowed yourself to relish in his scent, his touch, the sound of his breathing, the feeling of his hands against you, and how, despite him being relatively small as a person, you felt engulfed by him, as if his presence was able to wash away all of the chaos that resided in your mind.

He pulled and rested his forehead on yours.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered, matching your volume. “You’re safe.”

[skzhocomments]

The Black Iris and The Withered Rose (Mafia Book #2 - Lee Know // Bang Chan) - Story Masterlist (COMPLETED)

! MUST READ 'THE WHITE LILY' BEFORE READING THIS STORY !

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Mafia Book #2 is divided in two parts:

PART I - THE BLACK IRIS PART II - THE WITHERED ROSE

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Genre: MAFIA AU, angst, romance

Word Count:

Part I - The Black Iris - 33.7k words Part II - The Withered Rose - 31.3k words

Warnings: explicit mature content, mentions of death and other graphic scenes (it's a Mafia...), swearing, blood, anxiety etc.

This is just a story that doesn’t describe SKZ members’ true characters in any way. It’s just a product of my imagination and should be treated as such.

This story is also on Wattpad: click here and AO3: click here

A/N: As any other writer out there, I would appreciate reblogs and your comments on this story. Please let me know if you enjoyed it, and most importantly, have fun!

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Summary

"Chan simply couldn't forgive himself for his stupid actions that brought Emilia's death one year ago, so he did what he knew best: he let his soul die as well, with her, and he focused solely on Stray Kids. He became the most heartless Mafia leader there was, not caring about anything else but building his empire to be able to protect the only people he cared about. He killed, killed, and killed anyone and anything mercilessly, unable to feel even the slightest bit of remorse He would do so with a straight face, for his soul was as vacant as an empty shell. The members knew this all too well, but no matter what they would say or do, it wouldn't matter. The Chan they all knew and loved was too far gone, only a ruthless monster that swore to protect them left in his place. With Chris being so unavailable emotionally, it all fell on Minho to pick up the pieces. After all, he was the next in command when it came to their Mafia."

Important! Disclaimer:

This story will be 18+ where lots of sensitive subjects will be mentioned and/or introduced in some form. None of these will be marked during the story! Should you decide to read, do so at your own discretion, and if something triggers you or makes you uncomfortable in any way, please stop reading immediately.

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Mature content ahead.

18+

© all rights reserved by skzhocomments (Tumblr) / skzho (Tumblr) / storminsidemycore (Wattpad) / storminsidemycore (AO3)

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THE BLACK IRIS

Chapter 1 - Breathe in and jump - Tumblr + Wattpad + AO3

Chapter 2 - Time Machine - Tumblr + Wattpad + AO3

Chapter 3 - Tight-lipped - Tumblr + Wattpad + AO3

Chapter 4 - Dissociation - Tumblr + Wattpad + AO3

Chapter 5 - Iris' Apple Tree - Tumblr + Wattpad + AO3

Chapter 6 - Revenge - Tumblr + Wattpad + AO3

Chapter 7 - The Proposal - Tumblr + Wattpad + AO3

Chapter 8 - The bad guy - Tumblr + Wattpad + AO3

THE WITHERED ROSE

Chapter 1 - I'm a ruin - Tumblr + Wattpad + AO3

Chapter 2 - A chance meeting - Tumblr + Wattpad + AO3

Chapter 3 - Pure Morning - Tumblr + Wattpad + AO3

Chapter 4 - Ghost from the past - Tumblr + Wattpad + AO3

Chapter 5 - Bleeding hearts - Tumblr + Wattpad + AO3

Chapter 6 - Quid pro quo - Tumblr + Wattpad + AO3

Chapter 7 - Twisted Love - Tumblr + Wattpad + AO3

Chapter 8 - A proper new beginning (FINAL CHAPTER) - Tumblr + Wattpad + AO3

[eternal-armin]

ii. SO, HOW SHOULD i begin this?

part two woo. hopefully i'll be able to catch up on this and maybe publish some other stuff now that i'm home a lot more often (yay pain and mobility issues), maybe some arcane stuff since that would be fun, branching out into my last hyperfixation again lol. i've proofread so it should be good :>

pairing : five hargreeves x male/transmasc reader [he/him pronouns]

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where : after trying and sort of succeeding to get on the hargreeves' good side, five and [y/n] try rationalizing the situation and figuring out something, anything, to do about it.

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warnings : mentions of trauma, threats [of physical violence and murder], reader is still totally exhausted because how could he not be, depression, dissociation, pain, bits of shouting, not necessarily a warning but viktor is always viktor in the multiverse because the boy deserves it okay, existentialism, philosophical nihilism, family issues.

five adjusted his clothes in the mirror. although he wouldn't be able to have a proper retirement, he could look like a retired old man, couldn't he? who would've thought that someone could get so excited for beiges and tans. he got an amused look of subtle approval from you. beyond that, it wasn't very hard to look past your façade if he was being honest, you looked hesitant; though could he blame you? there were probably millions of worlds where his family fucked you over or just straight-up killed you. and yet, you also looked too tired to care. he couldn't blame you for that, either.

he touched your shoulder again. in a flit of light, which once again made you feel horribly nauseated and woozy, you were downstairs. surprised exclamations roused from his family.

"anyone know where vanya and allison are?" five asked, glancing with narrowed eyes across the lacking table.

"nope." and after that short reply diego went back to finishing off his meal—for someone who often scarfed his meals down, he seemed to be taking his sweet time. either that or your fun conversation with five had not taken as long as you'd thought; either possibility was equally likely at this point, really.

"nuh-uh... sorry."

"not a clue, unfortunately. something wrong, tiny dancer?" klaus asked.

"well, we have a new problem."

"who's this guy?" luther pointed at you wish his thumb, not caring to cover his mouth; your nausea was worsened to see someone talking whilst eating. diego looked at you then, and you hated how his glare bore straight through your soul. he really, really didn't seem to appreciate your presence. how both of them could so willingly ignore the phrase 'we have a problem,' especially from five, was unknown to you.

"this is [y/n]. he's one of the sparrows."

you waved once to everyone. whether the sluggishness of the motion, and the weak smile which accompanied it, was due to shyness or exhaustion was incredibly murky and unclear.

"so now we're getting all buddy-buddy with the enemy? do you know how stupid that is?"

"i'm sorry, diego, did you not hear me say that we have a problem?"

"well, you say that a lot, little brother!" klaus leaned forward to see you clearer, giving you a smile. it didn't really placate your anxieties or your strong desire to run, however it was appreciated. he waved, and you again waved back politely, still feeling very... guilty for your earlier flub. it wasn't a new thing, either, and that made you feel even worse. "hello, little enemy! how do you look so young? do you use those, like, '10 years younger' face creams? i didn't know they worked that well—"

"that is not a relevant question, klaus, now can someone please tell me where allison and vanya are?"

you cleared your throat slightly. "vanya is most likely getting a haircut. allison is trying to get to claire, but she's... not going to find her." it left a bitter taste in your mouth to refer to viktor in such a disrespectful way, but you couldn't take that from him. upon receiving suspicious stares from the younger hargreeves brothers, you mumbled a quiet "maybe."

"mind telling us what the hell is going on before i deck this mini-muffin across the lobby?"

"hey, hey, do not use mini-muffin as an insult! those are beautiful things, there's nothing better than mini-muffins when you're on a bender at, like, three in the morning!" klaus got a confused and heavily judgmental look in return for that... beautiful insight.

"[y/n] has the ability to see all other timelines, so he can usually find out the most probable events. okay? good. now i need to find allison, so can one of you fetch vanya, please?"

"no, not good, and no thanks! after all we've gone through, we deserve a proper explanation!" klaus objected. after a second or two of awkward silence, and a scowling glare from five, he gave in with a curt sigh. it sounded more like a groan. the brothers looked at you; klaus was the only one to seem patient, showing the approval of a parent understanding a kid's fear of giving a speech; luther stared at you with a puzzling mix of intrigue and subtle impatience; and diego stared at you with a raised eyebrow, leaning his head in slightly as if to say 'i'm waiting.' five's glare, although still quite characteristic, was a bit softer when aimed at you. you could never feel more put on the spot.

"you've gotta say something, little man, we can't read your mind," klaus encouraged.

"well, uh... i don't know exactly what it is yet, but something is wrong."

"aren't you omniscient or some shit? you can see literally every reality!"

the shouting scared you quite a bit and certainly made your headache worse. you put one of your hands to your head, mumbling, wishing you could just get some painkillers. if only five had given them back.

"don't shout, for fuck's sake," five grumbled, annoyed in his own right.

"i'm not omniscient. if no other worlds know something, then i can't, and... no other world knows yet. but something is wrong." your quiet voice was juxtaposed to diego's, still loud and stubborn like back in the academy. around 79.4 percent of every single alternate world which had diego in it found him like this, angry and short-tempered; it was very interesting. "you aren't supposed to be here. you guys, as you are, don't exist here. i don't think reality appreciates you showing up all of a sudden. and if versions of yourselves already exist in this world, then something will need to... iron out the wrinkles, i guess." you pursed your lips for a second. "not to be too brash or anything, but, to really, really dumb it down, you're a mis—you're mistakes."

"seriously? five, i thought you said that this timeline would be safe to stay in." luther looked like a scolded puppy. you felt bad. he was far too sweet—naive? yes, naive—for this kind of life.

"yes, that's what i thought, but second opinions are pretty valuable in my line of expertise. turns out it was sorely needed." his brows pricked up a few times while he spoke. "but, like you said before, it may be a problem we can solve."

diego remained, unsurprisingly, unswayed. "you better not be including this wad of chewed gum in that 'we,' five."

"what is with you and insulting him? he wants to help. jesus christ."

"last time i checked, his entire family just kicked our asses out of our own house, i have a right to be pissed, and he's lucky i'm in no killing mood."

"i don't agree that he should be killed," luther began in solidarity, "but we have a reason not to trust him, right?"

you took a little breath and exhaled it in a quiet sigh. "i know my family can be... extreme. and bad sometimes. trust me. and i totally understand how you can be angry with them and with me and think that i'm not honest. but i never hurt anyone, and i want to help you guys. you're eccentric yourselves, but usually you're good people. you're, like, an actual family," you added, trailing off, "not a group forced to stay together for monetary gain."

five squinted at you slightly. was that one of the reasons you chose not to grow up? you couldn't be associated with the sparrows if you were half their age. throw on a pair of sunglasses and nobody could recognize you.

jeez. didn't that sound nice.

"you guys really deserve a place to rest. a stable place to live, even. and if we can figure this out, then maybe you won't have to live in constant fear of coming into contact with your doppelganger or something. live, like, normal lives. as normal as they can be, anyway."

diego, much to your surprise, seemed to listen to what you were saying. sure, he still looked quite ticked-off and impatient, but you couldn't really ask for too much from him, could you?

"and you're sure that this is a problem we can actually solve? for good?"

"i'm not exactly sure what the problem even is yet. all i know is that something is wrong. but every problem has a solution, even if it seems impossible sometimes." there was a twinge of sage, melancholic hopelessness somewhere in there, some subtle disbelief. "five is quite the expert in timelines and time travel-related problems and paradoxes, and i'm an expert in alternate realities and manipulating reality itself. if anyone can figure it out, i'm sure we can. and i have no doubt that all of you will also play large parts."

luther's face was screwed into an expression of brazen confusion. "so... we're, like, completely blind, and need to fight an enemy we know absolutely nothing about."

"pretty much," you mumbled.

"surprisingly poetic way to put that, luther, i'm impressed," five mused rather sarcastically. "unfortunately, however, it seems we're gonna have to do something terrible and unprecedented." perhaps for dramatic effect, perhaps to quell his own annoyances, he paused and sighed out a breath. "we're going to have to work together." he did not need to specify the parties specified in 'together.'

"well, personally, i think this is a splendid idea. perfect opportunity for family bonding, i'd say! we're surrounded by decent chinese food and competent beds and cable television. decent music, too! and diego can finally figure out some self-discipline by not constantly threatening to kill [y/n]! marvelous idea little ones." admittedly, klaus's unique way of talking and gesturing was quite calming to you. you were very grateful for him. oddly enough—maybe you should've stopped saying that when it came to the umbrellas—klaus seemed to be that pillar of tranquility for you. viktor as well.

"calm down, calm down. you know that he won't turn against us or whatever? you're sure?"

the question was directed at five but you answered for him. "i'm not strong and i've never been in good health. even christopher, without his powers, would be better at fighting you than i would."

"the fucking cube?" you nodded. he plastered a grin over a pouting scowl. he sighed, giving into the plan. perhaps some remaining distrust still lingered, however, he could deal with it. "we've gotta clue allison and vanya in now. i'll go get vanya."

"finally," five huffed, shaking his head. "i'm going to find allison. you said she's going to try and find claire? i'll go to her old house." and then, the next second, he was gone. a few seconds of... incredibly awkward silence passed, where luther was staring at you whole-heartedly.

"go on and take a seat, young whipper-snapper. do you have any dietary restrictions? or allergies? we've probably got something here you can eat, if you want."

you had asked to walk back home with five.

"why with me?" "it's a little bit selfish, but i really don't want to be alone right now, and you're the number one person i trust right now." "flattering," he muttered. "then why walk?" "i think better when i walk."

admittedly, walking was taxing for you right now, so it may not have been your brightest idea, but after this entire day you needed a nice break; the picturesque city sunset was nice, the breeze was subtle and sweet, and it smelled like food out there on the streets. viktor had offered to talk with marcus and try to make a deal; you'd asked him to be very, very careful. "i don't know if purposely seeking out the anomaly would be more effective, or if allowing it to reveal itself would be better. maybe we should seek it out."

five nodded slightly. "allowing it to reveal itself could mean that it becomes too powerful to stop."

"that's kind of what i was thinking. we don't know how it would reveal itself. what if it destroys something, or changes something? what if it hurts people?" your voice was quieter with that last proposition. it was the worst possible option in your mind; buildings could be rebuilt. changes could be undone, with enough time and patience. but people could not be undamaged, and they could not be brought back to life.

well, not permanently, anyway.

five's pace slowed a bit and he peered at you, strangely, for a moment. you avoided his eyes.

"surprisingly enough, i don't think this is the... worst outcome." "forgive me but i don't really believe you. we've got jack all on either side. essentially, we're alone." "you're used to it, five." "hmph. and you aren't?" "not in this way, i guess." there was more he wanted to say but you would not give him the opportunity to dig too deep. "there are worlds where your family is on board. trusts me, even, after some convincing. and there are also some where we narrow the options down. i'd love to be in one of those. but at least we aren't at each other's throats again, or diego's choking me to death." your voice soured. if you got too close, you could feel that pain. there your mind went then, trying to save your other selves out of some ethereal desperation you could never claw yourself away from.

"ow!" you hissed, clapping a hand to your neck where it had stung, sharp and sudden. "what was that?"

"you were seriously so spaced out you didn't see me?" five asked, though it barely sounded like a question. he sounded just barely concerned. you had looked like a glove without a hand. "jeez," he scoffed, shaking his head. "did you see anything helpful, at least? anything at all?"

your mind was still seared and shattered across uncountable realities and he could see that struggle to ground in your eyes. hear it in your breath. you had little mental fortitude left to respond. "sorry? can you repeat that?"

five didn't roll his eyes. unfortunately, he knew dissociation. he carefully took your hands in his, rubbing your knuckles like he'd seen you do before, and that seemed to give you... some amount of usable energy. it was also sort of difficult not to notice him, of all people, doing it, even while he sported an expression of general distaste for the situation; you couldn't tell if it was falsified or not. slowly, you were returning to your body, and it felt heavier than ever before. "what did you see?" he repeated, just as you asked, meticulously annunciating each word and using a decent pace.

you nodded slightly. "i saw a few other timelines. less fortunate ones." you didn't need to elaborate for five to understand what you were referring to. the broad strokes, anyway. "nothing really useful, though," you added after a second in total defeat.

"shit. well, that's alright." and though it clearly wasn't, you didn't say anything.

"how long have we been standing here?"

"... a minute or two."

"oh, great," you mumbled, shaking your head to yourself. your record was around two hours, sure, but it still sucked. "the... we should seek it out."

"wow. you remembered."

"we were having the same conversation a whole lot. given i was still alive and actually grew to trust you." it was a half-joke but it succeeded in getting a bare grin out of five. "we can't risk hurting other people."

"or destroying something," five added.

"or destroying something," you agreed, then furrowing your brow slightly. a cafe nearby was playing pleasant music; that was something keeping you tethered to this world in particular, as if five wasn't enough, but even he was quiet sometimes. "the only problem is we don't know where it is."

"or what it looks like. if it even looks like something at all. it could very well be invisible or incomprehensible." he scowled for a second, though not out of irritation, thinking rather loudly to himself. "we should start where we appeared, i think." you nodded in agreement. "if your... 'family' decides to work with us, all of us, then we can search a whole lot more. but we should get the basics out of the way."

"the beginning is always the most logical place to start."

"quaint way to put it, did you write the sound of music in another universe?"

"what part about 'literally any possible, feasible universe' do you not understand?" you joked, managing a small smile of your own, and five would be lying if he said he didn't feel a little bit relieved to see you humoring yourself again.

"i deserve that." he paused for a second. "i know you said that walking helps you think, and you definitely need to do that more, but you look like a dead man standing right now. i'd rather just drop you off at the academy and get back to my own family. are you okay to teleport?" you did not respond at first, taking careful account of how you felt and how you may feel after. eventually, and rather subtly, you nodded.

"my room is klaus's old room back in your universe."

"wow, that... makes it easier. safer, probably." that was the closest you were going to get to 'thank you' so you took it. you shut your eyes tight and breathed deep through that half-second nausea-bomb. you were happy to see your room when you opened your eyes; smelling like home, looking like home, feeling like pure comfort. five glanced about your room. somehow it looked exactly like what he expected from you, which was a compliment. it was cozy. well-lived—especially the bed. there were many blankets and pillows and a few stuffed animals, unmade, probably because you barely left it. he couldn't blame you, either.

looking at you, you seemed totally relieved and excited to be back home.

"are you going to let go of my hands now?"

five stiffened for a second, mumbling a hushed apology before letting go, shoving his hands in his pockets. you couldn't help but grin a little, tiredly, and he scoffed when he saw it. "don't look at me like that. i was helping you ground, since you evidently can't do it yourself sometimes." not that he could blame you, really. he couldn't imagine what it would be like to be... you.

you ignored the jab. "i'm surprised you're willing to wait to take care of this," you mumbled, hanging up your scarf and sweater, lazily rifling through your dresser to find something decently comfortable to pass out in. "you always insisted on getting things done quick. if not immediately."

"i'm desperate for one damn moment of peace. the world isn't being decimated just yet. i just want to sleep decently for once."

you smiled slightly. no one could work while exhausted, especially not when it came to your quandary. "go on and sleep then. i'll meet you at the obsidian again tomorrow."

"yeah. oh, uh, just remembered something. close your eyes for a few seconds."

"why?"

"just do it."

you scoffed, though without any sort of animosity or annoyance, shutting your eyes tight like he told you to. you heard the familiar sound of his blinking once, twice. "alright. you can look. here." he held out to you your bottle of painkillers. "nearly forgot to give them back."

"oh, sh—thank you." the relief on your face was quite plain and sort of comforting as well. he mustered a slight hum in response.

"good night."

"night, five. sleep well."

"hmph. we'll see."

[theroadtosomewhere]

Writer Interview Game!

Tagged by @azapofinspiration yippeeeeeeee

When did you start writing?

Mmmmm.... first story I wrote properly was in 2014, little primary school lad who got marked well on a story in class and it ended up on a lil notice board which little me was like oH. It was a 10 year old's excuse for a horror story but it does make me laugh to think that I went from that to wattpad within months, back when it wasnt behind a paywall. My first original was on wattpad in maybe 2016 and after that I was really into LoZ and BBC Sherlock so there was some fanfics there. My longest (unfinished) original story was built off a plot that I created for a LoZ fanfic and I was still very active in writing it up until three years ago, so there was a solid 6-7 years spent with that lol.

End of 2022 I started reading abt skk on ao3 without ever having watched the show (shoutout athena and moxie p sure i read some of yours first lmfao every skker ever) and started writing my first few skk fics without ever having watched the show OR read the manga. Before that though the thing that got me onto writing for/on ao3 was Narumitsu!!! my babes one day i will finish that first fic (blackmadhi yesssssssss if you wanna see my cringe from pre bsd thats it lol).

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

god..... too many..... its been a long time since ive sat down to read properly, and even during school i would not have considered myself a book nerd by any means (mostly because i was juggling time between school and extra-curriculars.)

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

When I was in highschool, my writing style (based on the original mentioned above) was compared to Marcus Zusac before I'd even read a book of his. That was pretty nice. Same with Neil Gaiman but that is too high praise for me to accept considering i now write either about gay lawyers or gay mafioso x ex-mafioso soooooooooooo. not sure any of that would come through in my writing these days.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

Literally write wherever I can. In my room, at my desk, on the bus or train, during breaks at work and in class at uni (responsible i know). Wind, rain or shine, if i have an idea (or not even) i'll jot down an idea or vaguely edit something. The process is process-ing!!!!

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Hehehehehehehe......maladaptive daydreaming..........

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

I LOVE THIS OKAY. SO. typical projection stuff incoming. I feel like most if not everyone has a highschool horror story and up until like a year or so ago i was like!!! it wasnt that bad!!!! (it was, emotionally at least). The aforementioned original story and its characters changed a LOT overtime lol. when I hit my last year of highschool, i'd had some time away from writing and when i read over it, it was crazy to see not only what my mental state had been through my writing, but to see my own coping mechanisms written between the lines before i even knew what they were/that i did them! Won't go into too much detail about that but I did experience dissociation and anxiety etc which I only began to address in my last year of school, so going back and reading it with a clearer head was like wow okay. that was real!

That being said! Hurt/comfort my beloved. The unloved being loved. Second chances. Do with that what you will.

What is your reason for writing?

Initially i started writing for fun, but during highschool as things got a little worse, i fell into the characters i created and i can look back now fondly and think...thank you. i still dont know if i want to touch the story because its one of the last things i have left from a time past that may not have been positive, but the experience of writing and developing the characters alongside myself back then is just sighs :') sometimes i miss that girl.

First for enjoyment, second as a way of staying sane, and now i'd say its a mixture of both. My writing is my love letter to whatever I'm writing about. I do love sharing too. Right audience and all that :)

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I've been told that I can write particular characters' inner voices quite well, which is always a compliment :')

I think my own strength as a writer is also the weakness, which is to say that a project is never finished. Even when there's something out there and up on the interwebs for people to see, there's a good chance that if you check back months later, something has been edited or changed. I do have issues with perfectionism at times, but weirdly enough its not a negative thing when i apply it to my writing. I enjoy the process of seeing the stories i write change.

How do you feel about your own writing?

Good most days. I experiment quite a bit with ideas and writing styles/formatting so I will leave it at that lol.

Tagging @calmlb and @samtheboyfailure if y'all want :)

[duhgutter]

greetings and salutations, hope I don’t bother you too much by sending in such a random ask. may I please have a romantic matchup for scott pilgrim? if you’re feeling sassy maybe a character from the John doe, frost bite, sunny day jack, etc type games (does it even have a genre aside from horror/Yandere visual novels? Lmao)

I use they/he pronouns and I’m pansexual. my myers briggs type is INFJ and my star sign is taurus.

Im about 4’11..not to happy about it. I’m kind of introverted, and can be considered not a people person. I find life a little nihilistic. I’m into dressing in all black (trad, mopey, mall, black-metal, and hippie goth styles mainly, both fem and masc. chill days I settle for dark street wear. ) or and taking a liking to gruesome and morbid things like slashers, analog horror, witchcraft, true crime, ghost hunting, necromancy, anatomy, etc. I typically consider myself a "gorehound" ig. I participate in "Vulture Culture"; and I also like to visit abandoned places just for fun, along with playing quite a few escape rooms. I just have a genuine comfort in the uncomfortable.

I’ve come to the conclusion I just scare people off. In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start talking, which may or may not come off as rude to people.

when I become comfortable with someone I start to become really sarcastic and joke around with them with witty banter. most of my humor comes off really insulting, and I’m brutally honest, but I’ll apologize and say it’s a joke or I didn’t mean it. though if I’m right a become a petty bitch..and quite honestly I’m vengeful to anyone who’s really wronged me. even though I do have a hard time understanding social cues.

lots of people don’t like me or stay away from me because of my rude behavior. I’m not good with overly sensitive or overly annoying people at all because of that, and I can’t stand kids. Idiocy can get on my nerves too sometimes. I’m a huge animal person though, and I own a herd of four guinea pigs that I protect with my life. I have my moments where I can get really feisty, or very quiet and closed off. I’ve been told I’m also a laidback person. I’ve also been told I never know when to quit, and I find I hold grudges for certain things. It’s not as common now but I used to get called a vampire by other kids when I was younger since I had oddly pointy canine teeth. I find it funny, seeing how I am today. I also have an inside joke with my family where they call me "Irl Wednesday Addams" which I find funny too (if not a little annoying at the wrong times).

I’m the type of person that has lots of opinions on things but I keep them to myself and bottle them up. If pushed far enough I’ll become unforgiving, and aggressive. especially with the types of people mentioned above.

I find the most comfort in just being in my room drawing, listening to music ( the cure, london after midnight, type o negative, deftones, slipknot, rob zombie,,,, sometimes melanie martinez , insane clown posse, jazmin bean or mother mother, etc. ), or even occasionally playing video games, reading, writing, or talking about a random conspiracy theory or shower thoughts I have. I also like to play D&D with my friends when I can, it’s super fun. I do acting in my spare time as a small hobby too, and I’m learning how to play electric guitar. I also work as a scare actor, and in the future I have a dream of being a theatrical actor.

I’m a plushie maniac and when I fall asleep you can always see me cuddled up to one of them. I find it because I’m really touch starved. I also have this specific blanket I can literally not sleep without. Im also a caffeine addict, and I’m guilty of being very submissive and maybe even masochistic- and a bit of a pyromaniac. I dissociate or daydream a lot, so you can often catch me starring.

I suffer from a handful off mental issues like asd, insomnia, depression and anxiety; plus chronic conditions like asthma and fibromyalgia. These have all been diagnosed professionally, and I’m definitely not trying to make myself "quirky". unfortunately health problems run in my family.

I’m very fidgety, and often bite the inside of my cheek or bounce my leg rapidly. you don’t need to rocmantasize this stuff ofc, but I think it’s good to know so the person can tolerate me.

you do get to this, thanks for your time. <3

that was certainly fun to read. ur a rlly cool dude. ANYWAYS MATCHUP TIME

ok so for the scott pilgrim matchup I narrowed it down to kim and ramona then eventually settled on ramona. both of you are more introverted so I see that well, as well as the more alternative semi similar styles that you have in common (both stealing each others clothes/accessories.) she’s not really sensitive either, so coming off as rude or sarcastic wouldn’t bother her, she’s kinda similar so she’d probably joke the same way too. basically twinflame uhhh match made.

now for the horror/yandere visual novels I’m thinking peter. I feel like you’d stand out to him because of your style (considering his old goth phase) and another thing that kinda stood out to me is your mbti which is infj and the same as the y/n in the game lol. other than that even though you can be seen as intimidating and brutal, he’s a literal slasher and confirmed masochist so I’d say match made.

also extra but you i totally recommend ‘The Loverman Killer’ it’s a short web comic kinda series that kinda lines up w your interests and it’s made by mortis fox.

[sarahrogersevans]

Boom it’s me again hello world!

Ooooo what about if Chris has a daughter who he adopted or just had a shit mum (like Luna in a way) and chris is ✨single dad teacher! Chris✨ and she’s finding it hard being at his school so she’s usually always with Chris and in the sensory room because she does work independently with a teaching assistant and it’s a bad day for her and she’s just not okay mentally or emotionally so Chris just keeps a close eye on her and let’s her be but steps in when she gets too overwhelmed because she can sometimes zone out and hurt herself without knowing she’s doing it because ✨trauma response✨ and be brings her back and make sure she is fully back and safe and watches her closely so she doesn’t dissociate again and there’s all the fluff like she uses noise cancelling headphones when she needs, heavy hoodies from her dad etc etc and she’s trying to cope but it leads to this above situation ❤️

Only if you’re comfortable doing it of course!

School Can Be A Bit Much But My Teacher Dad Makes It Better- Teacher! Chris xreader fan fic request

Summary: Reader is having a hard time focusing at school and their anxiety is high and has flashbacks and Chris helps bring them back to now and comforts them

Warnings: mentions of dissociating, mentions of anxiety, comfort fluff, angst, fluff, soft Chris, mentions of having flashbacks, let me know if I miss anything

(Y/N’s POV)

Today is a really bad day for me mentally and being at school on a bad day is hard but luckily my teacher (also my dad) is letting me stay in the sensory room today and he comes and checks up on me every so often while I try and do some school work on my own. I keep dissociating without realizing it and I started to bite my nails again while reading my text book. My dad Chris comes in the room and says “hey Y/N, how is your worksheet coming- hey some of your fingers are bleeding kiddo what happened??”

I looked down at my hand and then remembered that I had bitten them bad enough to make them bleed. My dad noticed I wasn’t totally wasn’t focusing on where I was and looked at me and said “bad day huh?” I can’t to more when he closes my text book and wiped my face of my tears and nodded saying “I’m .. I'm sorry dad I can’t focus on work, too much going on in my mind.” My dad rubbed my back and said “hey that’s ok sweetheart no problem why don’t you try and relax a bit for now and we can get the rest done in a bit hmm?”

(Chris’s POV)

I was concerned about Y/N when I saw her nails and fingers were bleeding and I know she’s been through a lot with her mom in the past and I just have Y/N make sure she’s safe and cared for and don’t wanna push her to get everything done now and take it slow. Y/N sat back in the chair and rubbed her neck and put her head in her hands and I sat closer to her and said “hey Y/N shhh it’s ok hey I’m here kiddo you’re safe I promise.” Y/N looked over at me and said “safe..” and she had a shy smile and I nodded smiling back at her and said “that’s right pumpkin, here why don’t I help you with your assignment for English and then we can go get something to eat and then get back at it again?” She nodded and she hugged me saying “thank you dad I love you.”

I’m glad Y/N trusts me I know it’s not easy for her so I was happy to know I’m able to help her through her hard days. We got some lunch and then I had us play a game to give her brain a break from work and I think it really helped because she started being more open. Y/N said “school can be a bit much but my teacher dad makes it better, I’m glad you’re my teacher you make class fun.” I smiled and said “honey I’ll always be here to help you and help make things easier whenever you need me I’m here for you I promise kiddo it’s gonna be ok.”

(Y/N’s POV)

I started feeling more calm and Chris really helped making sure I was fully back and he has ways of making my class assignments easier and would make it more fun and when I felt stuck he would give me fun hints and I’d be able to pick up on it and it really helped distract me from my flashbacks that I had and I still felt a bit anxious but not as bad as I first was. Chris gave me space to work on the other assignments but still kept a close eye on me to make sure I was ok and I started to zone out again a bit and Chris came back over by me and said “hey Y/N do you remember that fun game we played earlier and how it helped you?” I came to and looked over at him and nodded and said “yea whenever I was stuck you would sing a song to help give me hints.” He smiled at me and said “how about we listen to some music for a bit I know music is always helps you.” Chris got his phone out and put on my favorite song and I patted my legs and sang along and Chris smiled at me and said “that’s my girl I’m so proud of you Y/N, you’re never alone we’ll get through these hard days together.”

Ok so I hope I did well 🤔🥺 I really hope you like it lovey ♥️♥️♥️ I’m sorry I was late with this one xx

Taglist:

@evansgurl-love @fluffycutecevans

@jessybarnes

@royalwritersoftheuniverses

@marvelstarker-mha98

@writersblog20

@delicatecoffeepeanut

@vrittivsanghavi

@nana1000night

@lokiandbuckysdoll

[strikersexhaver]

greetings and salutations, hope I don’t bother you too much by sending in such a random ask. may I please have a romantic matchup for bg3?

I use they/them pronouns and I’m pansexual. my myers briggs type is INFJ and my star sign is taurus.

Im about 4’11..not to happy about it. I’m kind of introverted, and can be considered not a people person. I find life a little nihilistic. I’m into dressing in all black (trad, mopey, mall, black-metal, and hippie goth styles mainly, both fem and masc) or and taking a liking to gruesome and morbid things like slashers, analog horror, witchcraft, true crime, necromancy, anatomy, etc. I typically consider myself a "gorehound" ig. I participate in "Vulture Culture"; and I also like to visit abandoned places just for fun, along with playing quite a few escape rooms. I just have a genuine comfort in the uncomfortable.

I’ve come to the conclusion I just scare people off. In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start talking, which may or may not come off as rude to people.

when I become comfortable with someone I start to become really sarcastic and joke around with them with witty banter. most of my humor comes off really insulting, and I’m brutally honest, but I’ll apologize and say it’s a joke or I didn’t mean it if it becomes a problem. even though I do have a hard time understanding social cues.

lots of people don’t like me or stay away from me because of my rude behavior. I’m not good with overly sensitive or overly annoying people at all because of that, and I can’t stand kids. Idiocy can get on my nerves too sometimes. I’m a huge animal person though, and I own four guinea pigs that I protect with my life. I have my moments where I can get really feisty, or very quiet and closed off. I’ve been told I’m also a laidback person. I’ve also been told I never know when to quit, and I find I hold grudges for certain things. It’s not as common now but I used to get called a vampire by other kids when I was younger since I had oddly pointy canine teeth. I find it funny, seeing how I am today. I also have an inside joke with my family where they call me "Irl Daria" which I find funny.

I’m the type of person that has lots of opinions on things but I keep them to myself and bottle them up. If pushed far enough I’ll become unforgiving, and aggressive. especially with the types mentioned above.

I find the most comfort in just being in my room drawing, listening to music ( the cure, pierce the veil, deftones, soad, cannibal corpse, slipknot, rob zombie,,,, sometimes radiohead, insane clown posse, jazmin bean or mother mother, etc. ), or even occasionally playing video games, reading, writing, or talking about a random conspiracy theory I have. I do acting in my spare time as a small hobby too, and I’m learning how to play electric guitar. I also work as a scare actor.

I’m a plushie maniac and when I fall asleep you can always see me cuddled up to one of them. I find it because I’m really touch starved. I also have this specific blanket I can literally not sleep without. Im also a caffeine addict, and I’m guilty of being very submissive and maybe even masochistic- and a bit of a pyromaniac. I dissociate or daydream a lot, so you can often catch me starring.

I suffer from a handful off mental and physical syndromes like asd, insomnia, asthma, depression and anxiety. These have all been diagnosed professionally, and I’m definitely not trying to make myself "quirky". unfortunately health problems run in my family.

I’m very fidgety, and often bite the inside of my cheek or bounce my leg rapidly. you don’t need to rocmantasize this stuff ofc, but I think it’s good to know so the person can tolerate me.

you do get to this, thanks for your time and feel free to shoot me a request in return. <3

I pair you with…

Shadowheart 🖤

You two both have a similar style, albeit her’s isn’t traditionally gothic. It’s definitely in some ways alternative.

Granted, it’s probably due to the fact people of Shar’s embrace enjoy a darker style in order to represent her.

She also understands the idea of being more quiet and on your own lonesome, she too indulges in that pleasure.

It’s something she’d probably enjoy having with you. Quiet sweet moments in the dark or- well anywhere.

She also prefers straightforwardness than anything to get to the point quicker.

Life is a ticking time bomb with the tadpole after all.

Animals are something she loves too, sure she dislikes some- but she has shown to embrace nature’s gifts. Which include- animals.

She’d honestly offer to watch your guinea pigs if you happen to be busy on occasions. Probably further down the line however.

Shadowheart has a poor past, she suffers from as well. Depression alongside anxiety is something she too faces, she can sympathize with your pain.

Albeit even if you dislike kids and she doesn’t as long as you two can see eye to eye on goodness for children it’ll be fine.

[scolop98]

VOTE FOR KIYOSHI KARASUMA IN THE OC POLL

@original-character-championship

OC created by @giantchasm

from Adventures in Solitude

Quick break from my regularly scheduled dinosaur propaganda to present my propaganda for the best-written OC I’ve ever seen in a fanfic. I didn't create Kiyoshi, but he lives in my head rent-free now. He looks like a normal-ass preteen but he is such a fascinating and hilarious being. He is simultaneously a serious and dramatic character study on the ethics of reincarnation and a character whose mere existence feels like a hilarious cosmic joke. He is the personification of an Angsty Crack-Taken-Seriously Fic.

“Fun” Facts About The Boy:

Has a big fluffy Samoyed named Taros.

He’s a trans boy! Came out when he was ten, and his parents & family friends accepted and supported him. These first two are fun facts and not “fun” facts, unlike pretty much the rest of his preteen existence

His sleep paralysis demon is his best friend’s past life

The reason he turned out good this time is, canonically, because he burned some ants with a magnifying glass when he was three and felt really bad about it

As a baby he hated this one aunt on sight for no discernible reason. He came around pretty quickly and now she's his favorite aunt, but 12 years later they found out that this was because that aunt was his past life's younger sister-in-law who he once tried to murder. She also happens to be his current middle school teacher's wife for some reason

His best friend once clapped at him so threateningly that Kiyoshi dissociated and almost had a past-life flashback/panic attack in the middle of capture the flag

He would be personally offended if he saw someone online call Heinz Doofenshmirtz a mad scientist*

Was once a popular kid… when he was a preschooler. Then his anxiety and self-judgement got so bad that now he just sits in the back of the classroom judging everyone and had no friends outside of his parents’ now-adult former students prior to the start of the fic

Despite being a neurotic ball of anxiety and self-loathing, he and his mom (who love each other very much) regularly cuss at each other. He’s probably better at saying “fuck” than any other thirteen year old

Is the voice of reason in his friend group despite having been, y'know, a war criminal in his past life

His best friends got into a fistfight on school grounds over whether or not he should be forgiven for his war crimes

Part of the reason that his redemption arc is so satisfying is that his awful past life knew his parents and friends and fucking hated them all. That man would’ve been legitimately horrified to learn he’d be reborn as this couple’s neurotic little scrimblo of a child. Pretty much every aspect of Kiyoshi’s personality is tailor-made to piss off his past life, and that was mostly a coincidence b/c most of Kiyoshi's character was created before the author had even considered making him a reincarnation. Kiyoshi literally just being himself and accepting who he is is a fate worse than death to the horrible narcissistic man that he was in his past life.

he’s not a natural blond

When he tried shit-talking his past life with a friend, the best insult they could come up with was “Ghetsis from Pokemon”

"'WILL YOU PEOPLE STOP CALLING MY SLEEP PARALYSIS DEMON HOT!?,' Kiyoshi wails” is an actual quote from this fic. Both of his best friends, and half of his middle school class, agreed that his sleep paralysis demon was sexy

canonically ate a live rat in his past life*

*these are the only fun facts not explicitly mentioned in the original fic. everything else is real, I'm not making any of it up

And finally, some relevant memes and quotes:

VOTE HERE!

[dissociationswagcompetition]

I don't remember if I actually finished writing and sending this ask so sorry if you got this one twice, but I voted for combination of options on the poll because honestly between convention/running more tournaments all of those sound super cool!

i think it would probably be pretty easy to decide to run any kind of tournament as like an "event" if this ended up being a convention blog, if you're considering multiple options simultaneously!

other options for your consideration might be starting up a discord server (that sounds horrifically complicated to me personally, but I don't know how it would compare to running a convention blog— mostly I mention it in case it somehow sounds like less time/work for you) or another identical blog with a different url for the post-tournament convention, if you end up going that route— these suggestions are made specifically to address the concern of this particular competition becoming difficult to find in the future.

anyway yeah!! I would love a dissociation convention for all of our dissociative blorbos especially bc this competition has reignited my love for some of my old blorbos— and if the finals do actually result in anyone playing NITW or reading (?) The Stormlight Archives for the first time I would love to hear about it!!

As of writing this, the convention idea is the most popular option and honestly I'm really starting to feel it!!! It'd be a lot of fun to have a space to just! Celebrate characters with dissociative disorders rather than the usual stigma, angst, negative stereotyping, etc etc! Not just characters with canonical disorders, but also characters who may be coded with plurality and/or dissociation, or simply taking a look into characters who have no such coding and analyzing where others may be getting headcanons from!

I really like the idea of doing in-depth character analyses because I just. Really like reading way too into overanalyzing character behaviors! (I recently had a whole fit over reading way too into overanalyzing the meaning of eye colors of robots from a 2007 cartoon) It'll be harder for certain medias if the medias are less accessible/available or would take a long time to go over everything, like book series, but still!!!

It could also be cool to just- share any good resources I find too! Whether that be articles/books/videos about dissociation and/or dissociative disorders, grounding tips, or other things that could help those of us who experience these!

And then of course the occasional tournament here or there because I like brackets and data collection >:3c

And a discord server would be interesting! I haven't run one in a while so I'm a bit rusty, and would def need to find some mods because solo running servers is anxiety inducing, but I may do that in the future, we'll see!!!

[reomikagekin]

greetings and salutations, hope I don’t bother you too much by sending in such a random ask. may I please have a romantic matchup for bsd? (Also take your time, not rush at all. Life comes first.)

I use they/them pronouns and I’m pansexual. my myers briggs type is INFJ and my star sign is taurus.

Im about 4’11..not to happy about it. I’m kind of introverted, and can be considered not a people person. I find life a little nihilistic. I’m into dressing in all black and taking a liking to gruesome and morbid things like slashers, analog horror, death games, true crime, necromancy and anatomy. I typically consider myself a "gorehound". I also like to visit abandoned places just for fun, along with playing quite a few escape rooms. I just have a genuine comfort in the uncomfortable.

I’ve come to the conclusion I just scare people off. In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start taking, which may or may not come off as rude to people.

when I become comfortable with someone I start to become really sarcastic and joke around with them with witty banter. most of my humor comes off really insulting, and I’m brutally honest, but I’ll apologize and say it’s a joke or I didn’t mean it if it becomes a problem. even though I do have a hard time understanding physical social cues.

lots of people don’t like me or stay away from me because of my rude behavior. I’m not good with overly sensitive or overly annoying people at all because of that, and I can’t stand kids. Idiocy can get on my nerves too sometimes. I’m a huge animal person though. I have my moments where I can get really feisty, or very quiet and closed off. I’ve been told I’m also a laidback person. I’ve also been told I never know when to quit, and I find I hold grudges for certain things.

I’m the type of person that has lots of opinions on things but I keep them to myself and bottle them up. If pushed far enough I’ll become unforgiving, and aggressive. especially with the types mentioned above.

I find the most comfort in just being in my room drawing, listening to music ( pierce the veil, deftones, system of a down, slipknot, rob zombie,,, sometimes the radiohead, insane clown posse, jazmin bean or mother mother, etc. ), or even occasionally playing video games, reading, writing, or talking about a random conspiracy theory I have. I do acting in my spare time as a small hobby too, and I’m learning how to play electric guitar.

I’m a plushie maniac and when I fall asleep you can always see me cuddled up to one of them. I find it because I’m really touch starved. Im also a caffeine addict, and I’m guilty of being very submissive and maybe even masochistic- and a bit of a pyromaniac. I dissociate or daydream a lot, so you can often catch me starring.

I suffer from a handful off mental and physical syndromes like adhd, insomnia, asthma, depression and anxiety. These have all been diagnosed professionally, and I’m definitely not trying to make myself "quirky". unfortunately health problems run in my family.

I’m very fidgety, and often bite the inside of my cheek or bounce my leg rapidly. you don’t need to rocmantasize this stuff ofc, but I think it’s good to know so the person can tolerate me.

you do get to this, thanks for your time. <3

i match you up with...

dazai!!

(Reminder i do not takw any matchup requests after this!! Tho ill finish all my other asks.)

•he loves how short you are,he loves to tease you (but also feels the need to protect you)

•he loves your style! I feel he would also be interested analog horror (idk why-)

•when he first met you,he noticed how quiet you are,but tge more comfortable you are,the more saracstic you became and he loves that.

•Tho people find you rude,he loves to be around you

•if things ever get to much,or your just really uncomfortable,he will take you to a place more quiet.

•he also suffers withd depression and insomnia (i think he does suffer with insomnia-?) He will be there for your and he will help you with a way he can. You have an asthma attack he will get your breathing tube and give it to you(idk what its called-)

•he finds it ADORABLE when you cuddle up with plushies.

•he will most definitly get you fidget toys if you ever need them.

[oddlysweet]

Joga Bonito

            From the age of four, I played what we in the states foolishly refer to as soccer.  Of course I played basketball and baseball like everyone else, to keep me out the streets and gangs as my well-meaning parents put it.  Soccer was different, I loved it, and it loved me back. My early coaches would refer to me as a little Maradona, based on the way I danced with the ball.  Little did I know then how similar our reasons for pursuing higher competition were.  I had no limits and nothing but confidence.  There was a year in my early youth where I missed out on a whole seasons due to yet another uprooting and move to a new area, and it was the most miserable of my young life yet.  When I tried out, I noticed a new phenomenon, tiredness.  I finally learned what catching my breath meant.  Usually the fastest in any group, I still dominated but I learned to work harder to maintain my position.

            I didn’t know then that it was my therapy, my meditation, but was certain it was my raison d’etre.  When on the field, I ceased to be a confused brown kid surrounded by others who weren’t nice to me, or the negative, problematic black sheep of the family; I was a body attached to feet, an indispensable limb of a singular unit.  Starting out in the forefront, as the crux of the offense, I collected goals like they were nothing, but as time went on, life and it’s cruelties weighed heavier on me, and my personality and demeanor off the field crept onto my sacred place.  I lost whatever boisterous exuberance and happy-go-lucky common in children and became more reserved and unsure; as a result, I manifested performance anxiety and could hardly follow through anymore. It was like the impotence one feels when throwing a punch in their dreams.

            My coaches took notice and put me in defense.  I had no complaints, I resigned myself to my innate laziness and inability to play midfield and run throughout the whole length of the turf, never seeming to get a break.  I remember one tournament hundreds of miles from home where my parents were extremely disappointed in my play and told me they wasted their weekend, and I would never earn my scholarships as I was.  I was crushed.  This was my game, my fun, and my identity; I had no ulterior motives, and unbeknownst to me, I depended on my dissociative more than anything else.  They had perverted my treasure. 

I was well aware of their disgusting tendencies to compare my brother and I to my three pairs of cousins nearby, one especially gifted boy, already in the Olympic Development Program.  A couple years later driving back from a game, my father asked me if I had masturbated beforehand, as I had played terribly in his untalented and inexperienced opinion. This is the same man who autopsied his 6 & 8 year old sons’ puppy in front of them mere minutes after it took its last pained breath, if that gives you an idea of the lack of tact in this stunted man-child. 

In high school, I was the most notorious stoner on campus, all while having never touched a drug.  Although I did not understand it, I was carrying immense social anxieties, and after a lifetime of avoiding eye contact, I wandered the halls gazing at the floor or horizons, eliciting many a whisper and pointed finger, “look at how high he is.”  I would later discover that I had the drunken eyes that the Mawlana would sometimes mention in his poetry.  That almost brag-worthy trait didn’t stop my parents from drug testing me regularly from ninth grade on—never mind the pharmaceuticals they forced me on at the same age.  Anytime friends invited me to get high with them or people cared enough to engage me on the subject, my answer was the same, “My life is soccer.”

Around that time, I found exactly where I belonged on the field, sweeping.  I had no patience to constantly mark people, set plays or not.  I had eagle vision, and for as long as I could remember, I always knew where each person was, friend or foe, without needing to look up.  I understood the game better than anyone and at my usual home at half-field, was always reacting and mirroring what was taking place up ahead.  When the flow switched and the counterattack was on, I supported my defenders and should they have failed, everyone in our bleachers could rest assured that I would take care of it; my slide-tackles were something to behold.  So dependable was my work ethic and unmatched speed, that my coach referred to me as the “Wall.” I was finally growing into my own.

The varsity high school team before me won the championship, and after a mediocre junior year, my senior year was going to be different.  My only competition was a kid a year younger, who played on the coach’s club team, and was the de facto captain & sweeper.  Fate decided to throw me a bone, and during our first preseason friendly, he tore his ACL on a dryfire kick.  I was back in my element now.  I led the team to many shut outs, and soon everyone on my high school team learned why my club team gave me the nickname.  We were tied for first for most of the season.  The other team at the top was a private school home to a dozen of former and current teammates in the offseason, one of my closest childhood friends who played my opposite, and the fastest striker in the state who played on a national level. There was no doubt the latter two would go on to play NCAA division one next year.

I had been getting locked up all throughout high school, and what I missed most steaming with fury and rage at my incarceration was my inability to run with a ball.  Each time, I lost more of my enthusiasm for life.  One doesn’t get released until they play their game, which usually means taking their pills and expressing conformation with their brainwashed half-baked agenda—but I guess it was better than juvie.  The last time I 5150’d it got upgraded to a two week hold that I got out of a week later but the damage was done.  We had lost one game in my absence and I was put on anti-psychotic as well as an anti-convulsant on top of the ill-advised SSRI’s.  When I was finally out, all I cared about was getting to settle the score with my Palestinian counterpart; as our last match was a draw, I was determined to show the world who was the better sweeper.

The game was intense and charged with emotion from the first whistle.  I didn’t know it but I had gotten big, and each time I went up against someone for a header, he usually went down, to the incessant cries for a foul call from the opposing bleachers.  Keep in mind that I grew up half the other side.  I labored, carpooled, commiserated, and celebrated with these boys for half my life; already I felt betrayed. By some incredible luck, we managed to get one over on them.  In the second half, we held our own.  There was a one very close moment where I slid to clear in the penalty box but the abysmal condition of grass and it’s bumps caused the ball to hop completely over my foot and gave the appearance of a bad tackle when I took my friend out.  The stands were in an uproar and his father was calling for a red card.

In all my years and hundreds upon hundreds of matches, including a couple dozen where I officiated, I had never seen a more useless referee.  The opposing junior varsity team was also watching on their side, right next to their bench talking shit to us every chance they got.  Thankfully my goalie handled business and he never held it against me; we had an almost psychic connection and could wordlessly communicate our next moves.  Even if I wasn’t torn playing against those who I would fight alongside in the State Cup in just another month, I was a seventeen-year-old coming off another unnecessary and traumatizing trip to the psych ward, fresh off an egregious prescription, and messed up on Effexor.  The complete lack of consideration for someone they had come to depend on help carry their sons to glory 8 months of the year was beyond my comprehension.  I hated what they were doing, and the clueless twats on JV who couldn’t possibly understand what was transpiring were especially deserving of swift kicks in the face. 

At some point the other side started to get desperate; bolstered by the ineffectiveness of the lame duck’s authority to facilitate a fair and safe game.  They saw their all but guaranteed championship season in jeopardy for perhaps the very first time.  They became shameless with their fouls, playing extremely dirty, to the point I worried for the safety of some of my smaller defenders.  Perhaps 15 minutes into the second half, there was an obnoxiously blatant foul committed against my right, a wiry freshman, and out of desperation I yelled, “REF! Blow your Goddamned whistle!!!” The JV team loved this and mocked me instantly.  I was so close to running up and kicking in their faces until I heard the little bitch’s voice who thought he was funny.  Instead I took the briefest of deep breaths, and considered kicking the ball at them but settled for flipping them off.

Unfortunately for me, the assistant ref on the side closest to us was not one who was familiar with me, he hadn’t watched me play for years, and I like to think he was a little bit racist.  He called the center to his side and they shared a few words.  The most pathetic excuse for an authority I’d encountered thus far came up to me with a red card drawn, only my second in 13 years, and said, “He told me you gave me a two fingered salute, you are ejected.” First of all, what kind of cum stain would put it like that?!? I tried to protest but it was useless.  The parents of my childhood friends cheered and stood for the decision.  In the next 25 minutes, John and his team scored 4 goals on my 10-man team.  I had no words.  I just juggled for the remainder, not knowing what to do with the boiling blood in my vessels.

I had never in my life felt so low, disappointed or furious with myself.  My friend took me aside and hugged me afterwards, sensing how much more I lost than just a game, but I had no love left for my former teammates; if I was white and had access, it would have been one of those mass shooting moments and all of them would have become orphans—to give you an idea what coming off pills teenagers should never be in the first place is like. I missed the next two games, which didn’t really matter as they were non-issues and barely felt deserving enough to play in the last one of the season;I let everyone down, and pissed away a future I was dreaming of since I was four…in one instant.  I would later find out there were college scouts out that game.  We ended the season in more humble placings, and miraculously still qualified for the playoffs as the last seed, though we didn’t realize until it was too late and the spot was given to the next. 

April came and it was time for the State Cup, but I worried myself sick into a 103 degree fever for the whole weekend.  That was it. My only consistent friend throughout a life of dropping everything and moving to a new place, my crutch, my only solace was done with.  Every few years my feet would touch a ball and I’d remember what joys it would bring me, but also the bitter taste in my mouth. I like to say I dance for no one, but when I’m with the ball, its hard to describe it as anything other than dancing.  So I settle for freestyling and dribbling the hills of San Francisco to Dolores Park in hopes of getting a circle together, find a momentary hit of dopamine & nostalgia and wordlessly make friends every once in a while. 

I’ve had a lot of time to stew on this moment.  These memories of deep regret dominate in prevalence and intensity for me.  Perhaps all these attempts at writing are about stuck moments I can’t get out of, where I left pieces of myself behind, but it does help me pull on a thread.  When you think about it, politics and sports are exactly the same.  One side has to lose for the other to win yes, but there’s also the question of fanaticism and polarity.  I believe if it doesn’t pertain to natural laws of say Physics, the concept does not exist in nature. Polarity is completely of human construction, and exists, to perpetuate the schisms by which our masters maintain control over the infinite masses of us ordinary folk. 

The binary model is beyond useless and irrelevant; it caters to the least enlightened of us—which turns out to be the majority—to make things simple.  Yes or no, black or white, haves and have nots.  Almost nothing of any substance worth discussing can be reduced to such red or blue pill answer.  The culture war that ensues in this shit hole is a perfect symptom of that.  We are sheep and quite pathetic to let things reach the state it has. The individual is weak and getting weaker.  It is no surprise that a mob of weak individuals devolves into a Charles Manson wet dream. 

Anyone who considers themselves intelligent, educated, righteous, sensitive, godly or aware, and proceeds to draw lines in the sand, to limit, to distinguish and differentiate between their fellow man, missed the point. That is my fundamental problem with conservatism, but in this sentiment lies the truth.  We are all one, after the games over, you’re still going to have to see your former enemy on the field at the store shopping for groceries for their family.

Everyone to my knowledge is human, and that means we are flawed, fraught with inconsistencies and contradictions, always evolving and growing into a hopefully more perfect being—not by being right more often or gaining more of an audience, but by being able to understand those most who might seem the most different from oneself, on a deeper level. Therein lies another lie, that we are different.  Of course we differ, like no two fingerprints are the same, we should find great relief in the fact that we are not a trillion identical cells with the same form and function, doomed to take part in and repeat the same eternity.  Our varying grooves and kinks and traumas and varieties make this place worthy of living, but far too often does the individual sacrifice what makes them truly unique for the sake of comfort and safety and security. 

Just like the loss of quality is unavoidable when scaling up in today’s paradigm, so to is the beauty of the human being when joining a club, religion, party and so on. Yes there is strength in numbers but at what cost.  Go to any group of people with common values on any particular subject or aspect of being and it will take you only seconds to find a point of contention on an unrelated aspect of how their group identifies.  Life is infinite and ever expansive, to draw a box to maintain some semblance cohesion or illusion of control is akin to constructing a mandala in the middle of a tornado.  Belief is one of the strongest emotions and concepts to an individual, and to quantify, commodify, contrive and wrap it up into a nice sound byte or slogan to go viral is a great disservice to the progress of our species.  We have far too much potential to continue to allow the same talking points to be recirculated decade after decade, to participate in the same foolish and futile notions that limit the spirit and cripple the mind.

If more people were acquainted with the god inside—which in my humble opinion is just a typo for good—then this place would be a far more welcoming place to participate in.  Those that understand these simple truths of the world, unfortunately let the grand diversion that is our reality consume them and keep them downtrodden; they end up leaving before their happily ever after—which is the greatest tragedy of all.  The rest of people, maintain the status quo, to the chagrin of the powers that be.  What good Nazis most of us would make.  People—specifically trippers, used to tell me that I was already there, that I didn’t need to drop LSD.  I understand that, but I refuse to accept that my foolish grand villain scenario of dosing the world is the only solution to peace and understanding. 

None of us are born evil.  With very few exceptions, empathy is innate in every child, and it is only through growing up a little too fast, a little too cold, and without careful guidance that we end up learning to do without it, dimming its brilliant light and snuffing out it’s flames.  It’s scary and vulnerable to resign oneself to the fact that we are all children trying our best but, to proceed in any other manner, does great disservice to all those before us, those yet to come, and one’s own quality of life and spirit.  Love your soul first, in all likelihood, everyone’s favorite trillionaire-to-be will invent some way to shed the flesh and then what will be left with? Find some better friends, better role models, better aspirations, and virtues.  Do not accept things as they are, because any child, with their fading wisdom of the cosmic intelligence will tell you things are not as they ought to be.  To quote one of my favorite minds, “--some kind of terrible mistake had been made…”

[nightzskii]

how is it to have DID? sorry if its rude to ask, feel free to ignore this if you dont feel comfortable replying!! im just genuinely curious

It's not rude to ask (considering we like answering questions like this) but uhhh trigger warning I suppose because im not getting into the "good side" of this disorder by much

But it's. well. to put it shortly its a real shitty experience and i wouldn't even have my most meaniest enemy have this shit

to put it long story?? check under the cut ong because...yeah

long story?:

For our own experience and with how many alters we have it's basically just pain everyday, from not remembering where or who we are, getting random memories of our trauma (as a trauma holder) from a trigger we didnt even know we had and without a trigger exactly too, dissociating to the point we cant tell what from what, getting blurry at the most inconvenient times ever, getting real bad breakdowns, extreme memory issues (I will not be able to tell who you are for hours unless I just normally call you by your user.), etc

There's a lot more downs with this disorder than ups and since we're still in a bad environment it just keeps getting worse, and because of how ours seem so over the top i feel like I'm faking over and over again.

not to mention the fact we have alters who are Introjects/take the personality of our abusers/groomers because of the fact they ARE them or we associated them with that person

Let's also not mention the fact that there are alters who can't handle something that try to kill the body in ways you wouldn't think they would. Or the ones who try to encourage intrusive thoughts and make them into intrusive actions.

Back to the memory thing, we will (the ones in front most of the time) will forget who's skin we're in, who's face we're seeing, whos name we're hearing, who's house we're in, what state we're in, what planet we're on, what our birthday is, what our age is, what our race is, what we can and cant do, what a blanket is, etc. We'll go for days not remembering this one specific thing that's really important to remember and when we do remember it's already unimportant.

We'll get the most headsplitting painful headaches and will never pinpoint why or how because at this point we cant care enough for the details we just want it to STOP. Especially since after the headaches we feel so weak from how painful it is and we STILL have to push through

We'll forget about time and stay awake for days on end until one of our sleep alters hear word of this and force us to sleep

I'm personally more effected from our trauma and deeper into our depression, anxiety, etc. So everyday I front I genuinely need other people fronting with me so nothing bad happens and if something bad DOES happen we can quickly switch to calm me down and keep the body safe

Being a system isn't a fun experience and it never will be, I hate being a system personally because of everything that happens that i didnt even put here, I hate being a system and I wouldn't want anyone else to be one either

[ina-nis]

Some time ago, someone in much gentler words said I don't have much going on outside of my fear and rejection. All I could say was yeah, it takes a lot of spoons. But it's true... whenever they ask me what I'm doing or up to, I mention my mental health, because I don't have much else going on (no school, no job, total recluse). Even solitary hobbies and activities I would like to do, I just can't bring myself to start, let alone be consistent. I don't know how to handle these kinds of questions. Is AvPD supposed to be this all-consuming or is this something else?

(If this is too lengthy, skip to the last 3 paragraphs.)

You know, I'm driven to people exactly like this, shy and recluse people are the ones that usually will catch my eyes out there, but of course, it's very rare to find them "out there" at all. Maybe this is no comfort but there's people who will appreciate simplicity and plainness, I know I do, so these are qualities in my eyes.

I think dealing with mental health issues feels almost like a full time job, without the money or days off, of course... so I think it's very understandable that it's something that takes so much of your time and energy (even more because it's something you cannot escape from).

I believe it's different for each person but trying things is definitely a way to see what will stick around. And starting can be the hardest part, once you get past that, it could get "easier"... when it's hard for me to start things, I try tricking my brain (by changing my routine, by wearing clothes to hype myself to go outside, by keeping my yoga mat free so I won't have excuses to not start exercising, etc), it sometimes work, sometimes doesn't.

At the moment, I'm not doing any of my hobbies but one because they're all triggering for me, they make me feel sadder instead of being fun, and that in itself makes me feel depressed because these are things I love and some of the few things that can cheer me up. But because they are things that I do alone, so I'm even more aware of being alone...

Maybe you can relate to these feelings, and maybe that's similar to what you're going through, and it's not easy at all. In the point of view of outsiders, it's like we're just stuck in this bad place inside our heads and there's no way out, and it feels more or less like that, doesn't it? I know it does for me.

Maybe AvPD is the main culprit here, but I wouldn't be able to say. There's a lot of depressive feelings too, and dissociative feelings too, let's not forget about anxiety. I'm not sure if seeing then all separately or together will help or not.

If you can, try to be patient with yourself and take tiny steps to avoid avoiding, really. This is really the kind of thing that you have to swim against, otherwise you'll be swept away.

Get out of the house. What for? Just for the sake of leaving the house. Disrupt the routine inside your brain. See the things you've been doing the same every day and write that out, and then try shuffling it around.

I know it's hard and I know it might suck so bad, and yet, it's going to be a good way for you to feel more in control of your own life. That can be a good feeling. Good luck!

[dracones24]

greetings and salutations, hope I don’t bother you too much by sending in such a random ask. may I please have a romantic matchup for bsd? nsfw parts are up to you, surprise me.

I’m 19, I use they/them pronouns and I’m pansexual. my myers briggs type is INFJ and my star sign is taurus.

Im about 4’11..not to happy about it. I’m kind of introverted, and can be considered not a people person. I find life a little nihilistic. I’m into dressing in all black and taking a liking to gruesome and morbid things like slashers, analog horror, death games, true crime, necromancy and anatomy. I typically consider myself a "gorehound". I also like to visit abandoned places just for fun, along with playing quite a few escape rooms. I just have a genuine comfort in the uncomfortable.

I’ve come to the conclusion I just scare people off. In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start taking, which may or may not come off as rude to people.

when I become comfortable with someone I start to become really sarcastic and joke around with them with witty banter. most of my humor comes off really insulting, but I’ll apologize and say it’s a joke if it becomes a problem. even though I do have a hard time understanding physical social cues.

lots of people don’t like me or stay away from me because of my rude behavior. I’m not good with overly sensitive or overly annoying people at all because of that, and I can’t stand kids. Idiocy can get on my nerves too sometimes. I’m a huge animal person though. I have my moments where I can get really feisty, or very quiet and closed off. I’ve been told I’m also a laidback person. I’ve also been told I never know when to quit, and I find I hold grudges for certain things.

I’m the type of person that has lots of opinions on things but I keep them to myself and bottle them up. If pushed far enough I’ll become unforgiving, and aggressive. especially with the types mentioned above.

I find the most comfort in just being in my room drawing, listening to music ( pierce the veil, deftones, system of a down, slipknot, rob zombie,,, sometimes the radiohead, insane clown posse, jazmin bean or mother mother, etc. ), or even occasionally playing video games, reading, writing, or talking about a random conspiracy theory I have. I do acting in my spare time as a small hobby too, and I’m learning how to play electric guitar.

I’m a plushie maniac and when I fall asleep you can always see me cuddled up to one of them. I find it because I’m really touch starved. Im also a caffeine addict, and I’m guilty of being very submissive and maybe even masochistic- and a bit of a pyromaniac. I dissociate or daydream a lot, so you can often catch me starring.

I suffer from a handful off mental and physical syndromes like adhd, insomnia, asthma, depression and anxiety. These have all been diagnosed professionally, and I’m definitely not trying to make myself "quirky". unfortunately health problems run in my family.

I’m very fidgety, and often bite the inside of my cheek or bounce my leg rapidly. you don’t need to rocmantasize this stuff ofc, but I think it’s good to know so the person can tolerate me.

you do get to this, thanks for your time. <3

I pair you with.... Kouyou!

Kouyou is unbothered by gore or darker content, but she also isn't well versed in it, so you could spend a lot of time showing her things

Your music taste shes more hit or miss on, but she never minds you playing it and often looks up the lyrics

She is deeply endeared by your love of plushies, expect new ones gifted Regularly

Kouyou tends to keep her opinions under wraps, too, but with her gentle encouragement I could see you opening up

Being a dick isnt really a love language for Kouyou, but she has a thick skin, you're unlikely to ever hurt her feelings, and she seems to always know when you mean it and when you don't

Kouyou is reserved but passionate, unlikely to get on your nerves

Kouyou actually kinda likes how you can tear into someone, she likes that kind of strength in a partner

She would run a soothing hand along the nearest accessible place when you get fidgety, wanting to provide stimulation for you to hopefully settle you

Youre 4'11, shes like 5'7, so when she wants to she can use the height gap to seem more dominant, but mostly its easy not to notice, shes not the sort to joke about your height much

Kouyou also is great about your pronouns and she keeps careful track of which gendered terms you are or are not comfortable with, shes also zero tolerance for anyone else misgendering you Ever

She is the sort to scoop you up and carry you though

Shes a gift giver, expect thoughtful presents Always, from luxurious clothes to stuffies to fancy coffee related things to records

She likes to read anything you write, shes got amazing grammar if you ever wanted a beta

Dont tell her you're a pyromaniac, she Is in the mafia and Would take you to watch arson from a safe distance like its a date

Kouyou may not be a chatterbox, but she has alright social skills, and she makes up for your more standoffish nature

She is also quite touch starved, and roves her hands over you whenever youre alone, her PDA is more chaste, never exceeding hand holding or a kiss to the cheek, but alone? Her hands are always trailing over you

She has zero qualms about playing the dominant role, though for special occassions she'd switch things up

Kouyou loves to be eaten out, if thats something you came to enjoy, she'd gladly slip you under a desk or play with your hair and praise you while she sits on your face

She also isnt put off by your masochism, in fact she'd make good use of it. Expect claw marks from her nails. She never is Too rough on you because she hates to see you truly Hurt, but she definitely isnt put off by some rough play

If youre into wax, I think that would be a favorite for her, its a lot of intense senations without her needing to worry about harming you as much as she might with heavier impact play or something

Wanna be stepped on? Shes got you covered there too

She can also be really gentle though, making love to every inch of you diligently, spoiling you with lingerie or your preferred form of empowering clothing, its almost worshipful the way she kneads her fingers into sore muscles and kisses along the way

[campeyourdiems]

Greetings and salutations, hope I don’t bother you to much. May I please have a romantic matchup for camp camp? I notice you guys haven’t had one in awhile so just ignore and delete of you don’t feel like doing it, no pressure. 👍

I use they/it pronouns and I’m pansexual. My Myers Briggs type is INFJ and Enneagram type is 4. My star sign is Taurus, moon sign is Gemini.

Im about 4’11..not to happy about it. I’m rather introverted, and can be considered not a people person. I find life a little nihilistic. I’m into dressing in all black and taking a liking to gruesome and morbid things like slashers, analog horror, death games, true crime documentaries, poetry, necromancy and anatomy. I typically consider myself a “Gorehound”. I also like to visit abandoned hospitals and houses just for fun, along with playing quite a few escape rooms. I just have a genuine comfort in the uncomfortable.

I get a lot of monikers from friends and family like "discount vomitboyx", "doomer boy", and "Remake of Daria" before. I’ve come to the conclusion I just scare people off. In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start conversing, which may or may not come off as rude to people.

When I finally become comfortable with someone I start to become really sarcastic and joke around with them with witty banter. Most of my humor comes off really insulting, but I’ll apologize and say it’s a joke if it becomes a problem. Even though I do have a hard time understanding physical social cues.

Lots of people don’t like me or stay away from me because of my rude behavior. I’m not good with overly sensitive or overly annoying people at all because of that, and I can’t stand kids. Idiocy can get on my nerves too sometimes. I’m a huge animal person though. I have my moments where I can get really feisty, or very quiet and closed off. I’ve been told I’m also a laidback person.

I’m the type of person that has lots of opinions on things but I keep them to myself and bottle them up. If pushed far enough I’ll become unforgiving, and aggressive. Especially with the types mentioned above.

I find the most comfort in just being in my room drawing, reading and or listening to music ( Motionless in White, Deftones, System of a Down, Slipknot, Rob Zombie,,, sometimes Will Wood, The Front Bottoms, Jazmin Bean or Mother Mother, etc. ), or even occasionally playing video games or reading and talking about Greek mythology or some random documentary I read. I also do acting in my spare time, which I find really fun. My interests tend to be very restricted, and I shut down easily getting into new things.

I’m a plushie maniac and when I fall asleep you can always see me cuddled up to one of them. I find it because I’m really touch starved. I’m guilty of being very submissive and maybe even masochistic- and a bit of a pyromaniac. I dissociate or daydream a lot, so you can often catch me starring.

I suffer from a handful off mental and physical syndromes like autism, GERD, arthritis, asthma, depression and anxiety. These have all been diagnosed professionally, and I’m definitely not trying to make myself "quirky". I have stims where I bite the inside of my cheek, pull my hair, crack or pop my bones, pick at scabs, fidget with my fingers or toy and bounce my leg. I even hiss or squeal when I’m upset. I’ve also been developing a eating disorder. You don’t need to rocmantasize this stuff ofc, but I think it’s good to know so the person can tolerate me.

you do get to this, thanks for your time.

howdy, :3 i'm really sorry it's taken so long to answer this, we had a lot of mental + physical health issues that came up on top of other things. hopefully by the time i'm answering this you're still at least a little into Camp Camp aha- (has no idea how long it's been)

anyway, onto the matchup. now, this may not be a surprise to you, but I think you'd work pretty well with Daniel.

he'd find your "gorehound" tendencies and "comfort in the discomfort" to be rather interesting, most people he meets tend to be the exact opposite. he'd be happy to accompany you on your visits to abandoned buildings, curious if anything interesting was to be found there or not. i also think he'd be interested in analog horrors and true crime, possibly a few games and slasher movies as well. though he feels like the type to be super critical of horror movies if they're even slightly inaccurate so if that tends to bother you, you might not want to watch movies with him.

unsurprisingly he likely doesn't find you very intimidating, he honestly just finds your whole deal fascinating. if you find yourself intimidated by him, he might try to back off a bit though but we all know how he is about personal space an all that. /lh he doesn't mind that you're not great at starting conversations, he loves to talk when he has the chance.

he'd enjoy the sarcasm and make it known if you've offended him at all, though i feel like that'd be rather hard to do but also...surprisingly easy at times? as a serial killer he's probably been called pretty much everything in the book, but i feel like there may be a few things that are sore spots such as his religion or blonde jokes. he's likely to be more understanding with you though, especially about the social cues- he's no good with those either.

i wouldn't say he's a very sensitive person and we all know how he is with kids, himself. he has times where he's a little less than smart about things, but overall i don't think it should be bad enough to bother you. i like to think he's rather neutral on animals though, but he might prefer cats to other things. your tendency to bottle up your opinions may bother him a bit though, so he may press for you to share them at times. -cough- i do believe he'd find it rather attractive if you're aggressive around him, so do with that information what you will. -cough-

he'd be pretty interested in seeing your drawings if you'd ever want to show him, he's never really had time to hone the skill himself so he finds other people's ability in it pretty neat. i don't think he'd know who any of the artists you listen to are, but he'd be willing to listen. (i really like a lot of them myself and i think he'd like Will Wood, Jazmine Bean, and Mother Mother as well as a few songs from the others. =w=) this man's never touched a video game in his life, but he'd be happy to watch you play or learn how to do so himself. i do think he'd enjoy reading at times when he allows himself the time, and i believe he'd enjoy listening to you talk about whatever you decide to talk about.

i believe he'd find your interest in plushies rather cute, tbh. he understands being touch starved, though he'd never say anything about it, so he wouldn't judge you for it. i don't think he'd care very much about you being a bit of a pyro, as long as you don't do it too close to anything he deems important. he doesn't mind the disassociation and staring at all since he tends to do the same himself.

[skipped over the mentions of being submissive and masochistic cuz idk how old you are =w=; sorry]

i think he's got a lot going on himself, so he can at least somewhat handle being around your illnesses. (personally think he's got autism and anxiety, perhaps some repressed depression) obviously, he's got a thing about popping his own joints but i think he also has a tendency to bite apart his cheeks and pull at his hair in times of stress so he understands it a lot, though he might try to stop you if you're hurting yourself with it. as for the hissing and squealing, it may throw him off a bit at first but it wouldn't be something he's too put off by and he'd get used to it pretty quickly.

sorry if i forgot to go over anything, but i hope you're happy with your result!

[yourl0cal1ncorporealb3ing]

TW VENT AT SOME PARTS

(ALSO NONE OF THIS PROOF READ SO IT MAY NOT BE LEGIABLE I just wroet this and i already forgot half the stuff i wrote)

y'know the mix of horrid chronic fatigue and insatiable numbness and the dissociation just makes me feel like I missing out on life, I yearn to go outside, to go play, to have fun, just run around but I cant. I sit in my room on tumblr or youtube wasting the day away wishing I did something more productive. I feel like a husk of person I feel like Im in a movie theater alone watching the most boring movie ive ever seen, I feel lonely while also being too socially drained to watch and respond the the video my friend sent me. Not to mention when my parents used to fight, my moms road rage/anger issues, it caused me to fucking terrifed of conflict so sometimes I minimize my needs when around other people and constantly asking about things and if im doing it right but also worrying if im annoying them with all my questions because my grandma has gotton mad at me for that before i think either that or it was me asking why she loved my cousin more than me because she yelled and fought with my dad because i wouldnt give my cousin my fukcing chicken nuggets my dad bought for me like fuck you i mean im sorry grandma

The anxiety and hyperactivity of my ADHD spikes up at night so either i got to sleep and wake up in 13 hours or I can stay up till 4am, go to sleep and wake 13 hours (Just feeling a lot worse). Im literally shaking as I write this and i can tell if im just so fucking restless even if im fucking tired (its 3:38am) or anxiety or the entire kiwi strawberry monster I just drank Its ok im drinking water a lot of it i just need to get my thoughts out of my head because its like a thousond of the dvd bouncing tv screen in my head rn idk if its getting better idk if im gonna post this too maybe idk any ways im shaking oh btw i might have non-diabetic hypoglycemia and i have to get a bunch shots next week and I really hate the doctors it always makes me really scared and uncomfy n shit and idk why damn im shaking a lot. I almost freaked out bc i cant find my charger and my tablet almost died but i have another one ive been using so i just used that but i want to know where my charger went :(

istg ive been eating fucking pasta for the lat 3 weeks and i hate it i hate it i hate it HATE it every. fucking. meal. I cant. I have comfort foods I like and its mostly carby food like pasta so i eat pasta alot but since our oven stopped workin its all i know i can make that easy and i laike it but i secretly dread it so i have been eating a lot of candy to keep my brain happy but im not i should be happy ive been hanging with my frinds and its summr break but im just numb, i always am, yk the year I just finished? yeah for the majority of the i was fighting autopilot mode and disassociation but i was constantly in it i dont think i cant handle going to high school this year i think i might act pass out from exhaustion I barely survived middle school Im not okay i need something meds? idk I should not be this messed up i mean my family is great (yk...apart from the fighting which isnt that common anymore and moms anger issues) but theu love me so whats the problem? school school why is it so unoccomidating to neurodivergents same with ppl with social anxiety like i have had MULTIPLE bad panic attcks in class cause i had to do smthin in front of the class I fukcing hate the school system fuckfukcufkyoiuu school fuck the emercian school system FUCKYOUUUUUUUUU

Im too conflict avoident I cant

the afternoon feels so tiring in a stuffy way if that maks and sense i need to treat my FUCKING adhd already i can have music playing at all times thats not a good long term strategy to shut up my brain i mean ffuck i have music on rn and you can see my insane ramblings

anyyways I kinda think im a daave fiction kin (like DSAF) but im 90% sure im just and otherlinker and I just want to feel speacial or some shit but whos know i have the worst imposter syndrome known to man (I have almost every symptom of Cfs and my friend has asked if i have it but nahhh i defs dont) but also i had a weird experience once. I was like listen (its getting hard to type with the shakiness :0) ing to 2 dave and henry playlists and i kept listening to the henry one and I was in the car and i was falling and out of sleep when i saw like flash of dave but it didnt look like cannon dave he looked different he was mush more blue and he was leaning against a wall with messy longish hair and he had a hat and scars all over him and he had a purple buttoned shit that was fulled buttoned up and the perspective i saw was like a photo someone had taken and he seemed just chilling perhaps talking to jack? idfk but yeah theres my weird experience like the best way i can explain this feeling towards dave is "Idkk if i was you but probably mightve at some point like most likely at some point"

i hope i sound legiable (if i do post this AND someone actually reads this all) it is 4:08am and I feel too many things once i probably will sleep at 5 or 6 anyways byebye