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signalterminated · 4 years

Text

Altered Item S-96 (Control/TMA crossover)

a while ago when i was playing Control i wrote up a little crossover fic for fun. a week or 2 later i found out jonny was streaming control on twitch which was one hell of a coincidence. i figured i might as well post this here in case anyone else finds the concept interesting or fun to play around with.

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ALTERED ITEM S-96

Description:

A black and white children's book titled A Guest for Mr. Spider. Story details a cartoonish spider greeting flies as "guests" to his house. There are two doors on each side of the house but no furniture save for a single table with withered bluebells. Each fly has a moniker as a name that refers to their individual species.

Setup for the story is cyclical: one page introduces a fly offering a gift to the spider in an attempt to appease him. Subsequent page heavily implies Mr. Spider ate them after being dissatisfied with the gift. The final fly is shown offering his own son to the spider for reasons unknown.

The doors and Mr.Spider are depicted as being progressively bloodier. Mr.Spider's abdomen is also swollen to gargantuan proportions but the text states he wants more, even desiring another guest for dinner. Last page of the book is a cutaway of the right hand door that simply says, "It's polite to knock."

Ability:

While unsettling, the pages themselves possess no visible paranatural qualities. The reader is instead put into a trance while reading that can only be broken by an outside force or intervention. Age, gender, height, or any other physical characteristic does not seem to affect the potency nor threshold of interruption for this trance.

The reader is rendered oblivious to their surroundings but is capable of walking, oftentimes significant distances. Furthest distance recorded for this effect was [REDACTED] observed at [REDACTED]. So far no measurable distance has been noted as a "minimum" requirement, though a median of approximately [REDACTED] has been recorded for all controlled tests. It's possible that the distance a reader must travel is random, or (more possibly) is quantified by factors we are as of yet unable to ascertain.

The reader eventually reaches a stained door. The door is different colors depending on the environment but the stains remain consistent regardless of locale. If left uninterrupted, the reader will place the book against the door and knock on it. It's uncertain if this is necessary to prompt the next part of the ritual or not, as testing beyond this point is fatal for any subject.

The door opens to reveal pitch blackness. Shortly after, the reader is yanked inside by limbs described as [REDACTED]. No one taken by the creature behind the door has ever been seen again.

See S-96-CV-1 for further details regarding testing.

S-96-CV-1

Variables:

Various factors have been tested to determine the strength of the book's controlling properties. Photography had proven to be impossible in both digital and film formats, as any photo taken always comes out completely black, damaged, or distorted beyond recovery. Video recordings of the book being read have been tricky to establish, as digital equipment will almost immediately glitch and stutter within a range of [REDACTED] of the book. Attempting to use even an advanced zoom feature from far away results in similar phenomenon.

So long as the patient's back is obscuring a view of the book, it's relatively safe to record. Additionally the effect operates in a far more reduced capacity while S-96 is closed, causing glitches and technical issues within a range of [REDACTED] instead.

Strangely enough, motivation presents more of an obstacle in attempting to monitor S-96. Nearly every agent instructed to photograph or record the book reported a sudden lack of motivation to do so when approaching the containment room. Many formulated excuses for why they couldn't at that very moment. Others simply forgot why they were there. Installing sheets of Black Rock within the containment room helped reduce this effect considerably but did not eradicate it.

See JS-P1-95 for an interview from the only known survivor.

JS-P1-95

Transcript for an audio recording between Jonathan Sims, aged 8, and a child therapist appointed by local protection services. Interview occurred approximately 2 days after the disappearance of [REDACTED].

Therapist: Hi there, Jonathan.

Jonathan: Call me Jon please, ma'am.

Therapist: Right, of course. How are you feeling, Jon?

Jon: I'm not sure, ma'am.

Therapist: Please, call me Imogen. And that’s alright. After what you went through, that’s a very normal reaction.

Jon: Noth—

(There is a brief moment of silence followed by the sound of clothing rustling. Jon is shifting uncomfortably in his seat.)

Jon: Yeah. I guess.

Therapist: What were you going to say, Jon? Remember, I’m not here to judge you.

Jon: O-okay. It’s just...nothing about this feels normal.

Therapist: How so, Jon?

Jon: You won’t believe me.

Therapist: You told the police that you saw [REDACTED] being kidnapped. They believed you, right? So will I.

Jon: I didn’t tell them everything.

Therapist: And why is that, Jon?

Jon: Because what I saw, it...it doesn’t make sense. It was really dark out but I know what I saw, and...

(Small set of hitching breaths followed by a deep breath. Jonathan appears to be repressing a breakdown very well for a child.)

Jon: It happened so fast but I saw it. It took him.

Therapist: What took him, Jon?

Jon: Mr. Spider.

(There is a brief onset of soft static here. Most likely due to the age of the recording.)

Therapist: ...Mr. Spider?

Jon: From the book.

Therapist: What book, Jon?

Jon: A Guest for Mr. Spider! He took the book when he pushed me and I followed him a-and he knocked on the door and --

(More shifting, this time including papers and seats. Jon is breathing harder and the rest of his sentence is unintelligible.)

Therapist: Jonathan, take a deep breath. There you go. You’re okay.

Therapist: Now, tell me about this book. The police never mentioned finding a book by that name.

Jon: That’s because he was holding it. Don’t you understand!? The book, it made him go there. It forced him to knock on the door and...and then...

(A small sob followed by the hushed cooing of the therapist. Jon seems unresponsive and there’s the creak of a chair, followed by silence.)

Jon: I don’t want to talk about the book anymore.

Therapist: Okay. That’s okay. You’ve done very well so far.

Jon: I’m not a toddler.

Therapist: I’m sorry, Jon. I know you’re not a toddler, this is a lot for anyone. Even an adult.

Jon: I knew you wouldn’t believe me.

Therapist: Now what makes you think that?

Jon: I can see it. I see a lot of things.

(Recording ends here.)

There are no other audio logs regarding this incident. Additional services were turned down by Jon’s grandmother, [REDACTED], and there are no other records of him seeking out professional treatment in the following years.

For more information regarding Jonathan Sims, refer to JS-19-UAE.

JS-19-UAE

Initial Impressions:

Jonathan Sims displays a very high intelligence for his age. Whether due to trauma or his orphaned status, he exhibits a world weariness rarely found in a child. This emotional aloofness coupled with a lack of any close relatives might indicate an affinity for future leadership.

Bureau agents stationed in the UK are instructed to closely monitor his activities for the following 2 years. This is to determine potential eligibility in the Prime Candidate Program and to assess if the Altered Item will return to claim its intended victim.

Pre-Adolescence to Early Teenhood (10-13)

Jonathan Sims has exhibited no further paranatural abilities. He appears to have thrown himself into academic pursuits and has not made contact with any other Altered Items. The book mentioned in his initial therapy session has not appeared within his vicinity, nor has it been reported by any other agent stationed in Great Britain.

As of now, surveillance will continue, albeit in a reduced capacity.

Teenhood (13-17)

Still no indication that Jonathan Sims possesses any paranatural talent. However, he appears to have a heightened sensitivity to paranatural events and items. There have been at least 4 instances where he nearly stumbled upon AWE’s or Altered Items, only to just skirt by them. Each instance has been logged in a separate report and successfully apprehended before it could catch public attention.

Whether this is a 6th sense keeping him out of danger — or drawing him to it — is currently unknown.

Early Adulthood (18-21)

Agents recently discovered the book mentioned in Jonathan Sims's therapy session. It does not appear to be tied to him in any way, given the fact it was found in a check-out bin at the [REDACTED] Library in [REDACTED]. It was contained successfully by [REDACTED] and shipped back to the Oldest House in a crate lined with Black Rock.

Jonathan himself has become a full time student in Oxford. He has exhibited no latent talents or abilities of interest. Due to his growing age and the fact the book has been found, his eligibility in the Prime Candidate Program has been revoked.

That being said, he is an excellent accidental bloodhound. More than once his intuition has led him within the range of an AWE or Altered Item. By proxy, we are made aware and are able to act quickly to avoid further disaster.

Whether these items are reacting to his presence, seeking him out purposefully, or this is all simply coincidence is not yet determined. Closer study could risk exposing Bureau operations, as Jonathan has grown increasingly paranoid since teenhood. Measures have been taken to avoid any further unintended alterations in his usual behavioral patterns.

Adulthood (22-24)

Nothing to report between college and entering the workforce. His grandmother's death led to a period of instability but nothing atypical of a grieving individual.

ADDENDUM: Jonathan's habit of accidentally brushing up against the paranatural has culminated in a job at the Magnus Institute.

While not tied to the Bureau, the Magnus Institute has been partnered in some capacity with the Bureau for over 2 decades now. This coincidence has been logged as potentially being influenced by paranatural forces.

An ambassador will be sent to the Magnus Institute to investigate and negotiate with the current Director of its operations, Elias Bouchard. Extra caution should be exercised to avoid arousing further suspicion from Jonathan or the Institute.

#the magnus archives #tma #magnuspod #Control

11 notes · View notes

isrustandstardust · 4 years

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1. What’s been the best day of your life so far and why?

Hard to decide, I had so many great days.

2. Describe your first kiss, who was it with, what was it like, where was it etc?

It was with my best friend at the time, in my parents garden. It was early morning after a night spent talking, her lips were really soft.

3. What’s your biggest regret? I know we all say we don’t regret things but obviously it’s how we learn, from our mistakes. So what’s something from your past you wished you could have changed?

I could have handled a break up better. I ended up hurting someone I cared for.

4. When was the last time you laughed so hard that tears fell from your face and what was it at?

With my husband, yesterday night. We were actually making fun of someone we know.

5. What is the craziest thing that you have ever done?

Moving in with a guy I barely knew in a city 400km away from all my family and friends.

6. What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?

Nothing comes to mind rn.

7. Do you have any scars and if so, how did you get them?

I have my arms covered in scars. All of them are from self harming.

8. Where would you like to be in 10 years?

In another house, maybe abroad.

9. What are your views on drugs and alcohol?

I’m for the free of choice. I’ve tried drugs only a few times and not drinking atm.

10. What are your views on religion?

Brainwashing shit.

11. Have you ever thought about ending your own life? If so, why?

Yes, more than once. I tried, twice, when I was 21 and going through a lot. The second time I almost succeeded and woke up in the hospital after being unconscious and intubated for a week.

12. Write 5 facts people might not know about you.

- I am bipolar, borderline and have a schizoafective disorder.

- I dream about Satan and the end of the world on daily basis.

- When I was little I used look for little animals to bury and exhume after a while to see how decomposition works.

- I’ve been into witchcraft and rituals since I was 16.

- I write backwards like Leonardo Da Vinci.

13. What’s your zodiac sign and do you think it fits your personality?

I’m a Scorpio and it fits perfectly.

14. Pinpoint a moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.

When my storyboard teacher remembered me from my online test because it was a perfect score.

15. Discuss your first love.

We were young and trying too hard.

16. Put your ipod on shuffle and write 5 songs that pop up. Explain why each song is on there.

- Don’t mess with me - Brody Dalle. It’s from the soundtrack of a game I love.

- Distance - 4bidden. It relaxes me.

- As the rain comes down - 0K(ill)’s. Because I’m working on their new videoclip.

- 8-MQ 16.10.2001 - 0K(ill)’s. Because it’s inspired by an Italian female serial killer. The title is composed by her initials and date of death.

- Rock and Roll - Gary Glitter. It makes me want to misbehave.

17. Name somewhere you’d like to move or visit.

Iceland.

18. What’s your earliest memory?

My dad taking me to Collodi.

19. What are your views on mainstream music?

It’s heartless and all about making money.

20. What are your highs and lows of this past year?

High: starting officially my character designer career. Low: my mother in law and old dog passing away in less than a month.

21. What are your strongest beliefs?

I believe in being direct and honest. Do no harm but take no shit.

22. Who are you closest to in your family?

My dad maybe.

23. How important do you think education is?

It’s fundamental.

24. What’s one of your favorite shows?

My 600lbs life XD

25. How have you changed in the past 2 years?

I’m more secure of myself and my capabilities.

26. Name 5 people who are famous who you find attractive.

- Tom Hiddleston.

- Mads Mikkelsen.

- Hugh Dancy.

- Michael Fassbender.

- Matthew Good.

27. Name your favorite movie and what it’s about.

3 Iron, in the mood for love. Because they’re sad but huntingly beautiful.

Stoker because psycho killers turn me on.

The fountain because is eternal and heartbreaking.

28. Who is someone who fascinates you and why?

I am fascinated by fictional characters. Like Hannibal Lecter. Yeah, again psycho killers.

29. What kind of person attracts you?

Intelligent people.

30. What’s a problem that you have recently had or are currently having?

My body is giving up on me xD

31. Name something that you miss.

The lake.

32. Share 5 goals you want completed in the next 30 days.

- Doing at least 15 designs.

- Double up my workout time.

- Completing my very first song.

- Take that online course I’ve been postponing for lack of time.

- Get a hold of a camera and go shooting.

33. What’s been the highlight of your month and the lowest point?

Highlight: doing a shit ton of sales on my shop. Lowest point: I don’t recall one, it’s been a pretty good month so far.

34. What’s something that you’ve done in the past that you would never do again?

Being the side chick.

35. What is you’re biggest insecurity & why?

Not being good enough. It can be traced back to my mom being a terrible mother.

36. What were the last 3 songs you listened to and what did they mean to you?

- Natacha Atlas - GAFSA. Because it’s in the soundtrack of 3Iron.

- Morcheeba - Over and over again. I find I’d perfectly fitting.

- Portishead - Wandering star. Because it remembers me of someone from my past.

37. Do you have a toy that’s really special to you and if so what is it, how did you get it etc?

I had a plush of a rhino called Mr. Turkelton [Scrubs reference] that was so dear to me. It’s with my ex, we bought it together and he kept it. Still miss him tho.

38. Have you lost anyone close to you to death?

My mother in law. She was more of a mom to me than my own mother.

39. What is your purpose in life?

Being happy and create beautiful things.

40. When was the last time you cried and what was it over?

I do not remember, but I guess it was during my mil’s funeral.

41. If you got to spend an entire day with your favourite celebrity what would you guys do?

I would love to spend a day with the Mass Effect’s cast playing the game!

42. If you could only listen to one artist for the rest of your life, who would you choose and why?

Tool. Because I’m a masochist.

43. What are 3 traits that you like about yourself and what are three that you dislike about yourself? Personality wise.

Likes:

- Being open minded.

- Being stubborn.

- Being so will powered.

Dislikes:

- Being insecure.

- Being so unable to handle rage that I keep extremely calm until the moment I explode and get cruel and violent.

- Being unable to let go of things that enrage me.

44. Can you cook? If so what are your favorite dishes to make?

I’m pretty good at it. I love to make fresh pasta.

45. What was the last decision you regretted making?

Drinking that glass of milk, now my stomach hurts.

46. Who’s opinion of yourself do you value the most?

Mine. And then my husband’s. I don’t care of no one else’s opinion.

47. What’s the nastiest thing you’ve ever said to another human being and what drove you to say it?

I demolished a guy who was in love with me telling him exactly what I knew it would break him. I did it because he tried to act like I was his property and then got aggressive when I didn’t act accordingly.

48. What’s the nastiest thing anyone has ever said to YOU? Or something that’s hurt you above anything else and why?

Nasty things don’t get to me, I don’t listen to what people say, especially when it comes from someone I don’t care for or I despise. The things that hurt me the most was saying goodbye to someone I was not ready to let go.

49. You can ask your favourite celebrity 3 questions and she’s taken a magical truth pill so she will 100% answer honestly, what do you ask?

Maybe some technical stuff, Idk. I have no ‘favorite celebrity ‘ so...

50. What mark would you want to leave on this world after you are gone?

I don’t care about leaving a mark in a dying world tbh.

51. What makes you most angry?

Liars, incoherent people, delusional people, copycats.

52. Who do you think is a really underrated artist and what do you love about them?

There are a lot of really underrated artists out there trying their very best and being bashed by online algorithms. Support the artists you like!

53. What are the main qualities you look for when thinking about a significant other?

Intelligence, honesty and having moral values.

54. What’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you?

The first that comes to mind is waiting at home for me to return with a hot bath ready and a bed full of rose petals. It’s a cliche,Iknow. But I was young and in love.

55. What is one of your favorite memories?

I have so many, but thinking about the past makes me feel bittersweet.

56. What do you do when you really want to impress someone?

I just act normal, if they’re impressed, good. If not, it’s ok.

57. What are your 3 favourite animals and why?

- Snakes: They’re so fascinating.

- Crows: they’re extremely intelligent.

- Sharks: natural born predators.

58. What’s the nicest present you’ve ever received?

A trip to Paris and a trip to Disneyland.

59. People always go around saying ‘oh I’m their biggest fan’, but what does being a truly big fan of someone mean to you?

Idk, I just like people. I don’t obsess over them.

I obsess over things I like, but not over some individual I don’t know.

60. Have you ever wanted to change anything about your life? If so, what?

I want more money XD

61. What is something you feel like you are really good at?

Drawing. Hopefully making music, but it’s way to early to say.

62. What is something you feel like you can get better at?

Drawing, there’s always room for improving.

63. What is something you feel like you are really bad at?

Hiding when I despise someone. And bowling.

64. If you were given $3,000,000 to put towards 3 charities/foundations ($1 mil each obvs), what would you choose and why?

Wildlife protection, animal shelters, planet’s preservation.

65. What’s one thing someone has done for you that was really small but made a huge impact?

My roommates came back from Xmas holidays one day earlier to have dinner with me because I was alone. And another brought me Xmas dinner a few days before.

66. What do you do when you can’t sleep?

I work :/

67. What’s something that’s on your bucket list?

Make a nice home studio.

68. If you could change 3 things within your government, what would they be and why?

I would actually change the opponent party. They’re dreadful.

69. What’s your favourite holiday and why?

Xmas, because it feels like happiness.

70. What’s the kindest thing a stranger has ever done for you? Even if it’s TINY like holding a door open for you, something that you rememer even though they were a complete stranger.

A stranger helped me when my nose was bleeding like crazy and I was alone in a mall. He also bought me an orange juice.

71. Who’s your favorite cartoon character?

Motoko Kusanagi.

72. What’s the first song that comes to your mind while reading this and why?

Reptile - NIN. Don’t know why.

73. Put the 7 deadly sins in order of the one you commit the most to the least.

Wrath - Lust - Pride - Sloth - Greed - Gluttony - Envy.

74. What would you like to be the first dance song at your wedding?

I’m already married and we danced over Christian Woman by Type 0 Negative XD

75. Have you ever been told you look like a famous person, if so, who?

Someone told me I look like Butterfly from Death Proof and like Amy Lee from Evancescence.

I really don’t see it.

76. What’s one thing you can not live without?

Art. And music.

77. What is the most selfless thing you have ever done for someone?

Going away.

78. Do you hate someone.

No, I dislike a lot of people, I think the world would be better off if some of them would die, it I do not hate them.

79. What are 3 things that have happened in your life that you’ve never forgotten? Big or small, just things you know you won’t ever forget and still seem crystal clear now.

- Almost dying.

- Getting married.

- Signing for my very first house.

80. What comes first to you out of friendships and relationships, and why?

They’re equally important.

81. What’s your favourite children’s tv show/movie?

Muppets: a Christmas Carol.

82. What song makes you cry the most?

Together we will live forever - Clint Mansell.

83. What’s the funniest film you’ve ever seen?

Operation Petticoat.

84. What’s something crazy that you’ve always wanted to do?

Trying human flesh.

85. Has anything ever happened to you that you just can’t forgive?

A lot. Just, a lot.

86. What’s your biggest fear?

Being abandoned.

87. What is your favorite food?

Red meat, pistachio ice cream.

88. Least favorite food? Why?

Celery.

89. Have you ever felt ashamed about something? If so what was it & why?

Not that I recall of.

90. Do you keep a journal? If so what mostly goes in it? Random thoughts, feelings, stories?

I always keep a journal, I write in it pretty much everything, dreams, feelings, ideas, thoughts.

91. When was the last time you said something nice to someone & what made you do it?

This morning to my husband, because he deserves it.

92. How do you feel when someone says something mean/disrespectful towards your fave celeb?

Couldn’t care less? Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, even if it’s a shitty one.

93. What’s the saddest story/one that’s touched you the most that you’ve ever heard on the news?

Milena Quaglini’s.

94. If you were told you were going to have 3 daughters, what would you want to name them?

Violante, Lavinia and Artemisia.

95. Do you have a middle name and if so, what is it?

I have two. Valeria and Maria.

96. How did your name get chosen? What’s the story behind it?

My dad found it in a sci-fi book back when he was a teenager. It was the name of the first baby girl born on the moon.

97. What’s the craziest thing you’ve done for each of your faves e.g. waiting in line for hours, getting up early to see them on tv etc?

I watched a streaming reunion in the middle of the night on N7 day.

98. Are you a virgin?

No.

99. What are the stories behind your tattoos/piercings and if you don’t have any, would you like any?

I have wings because I’ve always been obsessed with winged figures and angels.

I have a lot of movies/books quotes because they all means something to me.

I have cherry petals because of Hagakure.

The snowflake is the reminder of a very important person.

The moth is for my self destructive tendencies.

The witch is a homage to me.

The strawberry is a silly Adventure Time reference.

The snake is a biblical reference to both Lilith and Satan.

The Santa Muerte and the black goat are both linked to my beliefs.

100. Do you want to say something to the world?

Stop being stupid, stop making stupid people famous, open a book.

#survey #me #about me #books #tattoos #ink #music

2 notes · View notes

dingoat · 4 years

Note

Relationship Asks for Ahuska and Five: 2, 4, 7, 16, 17, 18, 19, 21, 22, 23, 27, 28, 29.

OH BOY OH BOY *cracks knuckles* time for another round of BEST GIRL VS WORST BOY.

Obviously this one needs a ‘read more’ (or ‘stick it behind a cut’ as my old school livejournal brain still thinks of it) because it’s gonna be a looonnnng one ahahaha. Some of these I’ve answered already but I’m just gonna copy-paste the responses here to keep it all together, especially since I’m gonna go through question by question for the sake of fun comparisons/contrasts rather than character by character!

2. ♥ When they have a crush on someone, how do they let them know?

Ahuska finds ways to be around them as much as possible and offers rapt attention to everything they say and do, showing interest in every part of their life, even the things she’d never given a second thought for beforehand. She’ll initiate physical contact, often in that ‘accidental’ sort of way- a hand touch that lingers, sliding down a bench a little ‘too far’ and winding up pressed together at the hips, feet bumping under a table, but sometimes more overt things like snuggling down and resting her head in a lap while staying up late watching holos might happen...

Five does not crush, he’s not twelve years old. When he has an interest in someone he may spend a period of time testing for compatability, pushing and pressing for reactions, and if he finds himself still interested (but for whatever reason nothing has naturally escalated in the meanwhile), he will quite simply and overtly request private company.

4. ♥ Do they spend a lot of time in the courting stage or attempt to get to first base as fast as possible?

Ahuska likes the thought of a long courtship, being wooed and pursued, teasing and flirting and yearning... but though she doesn’t actively try to rush her way to ‘first base’, precedent definitely suggests that once the option is there, no matter the time frame, she doesn’t really hesitate.

Five considers ‘first base’ (if you must phrase it in such a juvenile fashion) to be a starting point.

7. ♥ How do they feel about polygamy?

Ahuska’s intial gut reaction, when asked, is that it’s vastly preferable to having an affair! She thinks it’s a perfectly acceptable style of relationship, but it’s not something she’s ever related to herself- the thought that she might ever find herself loving and desiring more than one someone so deeply as to want them in her life to the same degree seems so beyond the realms of possibility that it’s just never crossed her mind. (Yet.)

However; she is incredibly committed and loyal in her relationships, and if she did find herself in such a place, she wouldn’t be able to handle sneaking behind backs or lies or secrecy; the guilt and misery and betrayal of trust would be the end of her. She would have to either leave one forever unrecognised/unsatisfied, or give polygamy some long and serious thought and very open discussion.

Five doesn’t really care what other people do, but it’s irrelevant to him because it suggests any kind of committed relationship at all. He simply sees who he wants, when he wants, and if anyone gets jealous of anyone else then that sounds like a them problem.

16. ♥ Do they have at least one bonding activity they devote to doing with their partner exclusively?

Aside from the obvious, I’m not sure Ahuska makes a point of keeping any particular activity exclusive? Sweet, potentially romantic activities like stargazing and long moonlit walks might naturally happen far more with the love of her life, but I don’t think she’d ever turn down the chance to do so with a close friend either (there’d just be less... hand-holding and cheek snuggles).

One might have thought that Five had a whole host of bonding activities exclusive to a single particular person... but what with that being more of a Watcher-Cipher thing, rather than a partners thing, that ‘exclusivity’ no longer exactly completely applies, whoops. (Granted, the new Cipher is not likely to ever experience the push-off-a-building trust exercise.) That said, it’s very likely that Thirteen is actually the only person who gets to experience Five in the context of completely casual, physical, and dare I say... affectionate company.

17. ♥ What sort of characteristics or quirks draw them to someone?

Ahuska needs to see the capacity for kindness, even if it’s wrapped in a crude, brash or sharp-edged package- or maybe especially so, because she is a little bit hopeless for a show of snark, cheek, and sharp wit (provided it’s not at her expense) and someone not afraid to draw blood to protect what they care about. She loves unexpected talents like dance or musical ability being sprung on her out of the blue, and she’s weak for demonstrations of confident competence.

Five is drawn to someone who can give and take as well as he can. Intelligence, attractiveness, skill. Wit and snark quite specifically at his expense so he has the opportunity to fight back; he wants to be challenged, but not beaten. His heart thunders for someone more physically capable than himself who he can, nonetheless, bring to their knees.

18. ♥ Do they have a ‘type’?

I thought Ahuska had a type, but I seem to have discovered that her heart is not quite so specific and compatability can come in more than one shape and size. She has a lot of love to give and can find it in very unexpected places.

Five definitely goes for people who demonstrate one very specific physical characteristic.

19. ♥ What was their first impression about their partner/person they are courting?

When Ahuska first saw Crow, she was struck with the fact that he didn’t carry himself with the alpha-dog machismo she’d come to expect from fellow Mandalorians of his particular demographic. And when he turned his grin her way, he very very firmly snared her attention.

When Ahuska first met Blakk, she simply thought he was a delightful, feisty, dear little fox, and was absolutely besotted with him, if not in the way that she eventually became (after the wildest possible ride of misunderstandings and twisted events and broken trust and reforged faith).

Five, I think, would have made a very swift and completely superficial assessment, found it very pleasing (provided there was no fashion disaster occurring at the time), and opened himself up to learning more. It wouldn’t have taken long to be drawn into that personality, either.

21. ♥ What was the most romantic time they had with their partner?

Ahuska’s most romantic time with Crow would almost definitely be their space-walk through the ice fields of Saleucami, followed by some slightly less life-threatening zero gravity playtime within the safety of their ship’s cargo hold. They’ve had a lot of terribly sweet moments but I’m not sure that any compare to that honeymoon trip.

With Blakk, Ahuska has experienced a number of wonderfully romantic moments... in their shared dreams. It can be hard to compete with a world where auroras and starlight of your own creation dance to the beat of your hearts as you discover just how real you are to one another, but in many ways that last morning they spent together in person before parting, before anything between them was properly admitted or understood, waking to the warmth of the sun and sharing a long breakfast together full of soft yearning and denial of the inevitable separation to come ranks very high on the heart aching romance scale.

Five understands ‘textbook romance’ perfectly well and has probably walked through all the steps with great success a number of times when seducing marks back in his Cipher days. But when it comes to his own actual desires….. it really is hard to apply the word ‘romantic’. Granted, he does enjoy the finer things in life and takes great pride in being a very good cook, and a certain someone knows exactly how to push his buttons to get most exactly what he wants out of him when he feels like it. So there probably have been some almost ‘nice’ evenings of home cooked meals and fine wine and bath oils, at least to begin with….?

22. ♥ Tell us about a sacrifice they made for their significant other.

Ahuska gave up Clan life, the chance to rise through the ranks and be the Mandalorian she never thought she could, and a lot of her innocence, to be with and stay with Crow.

For Blakk, Ahuska broke off her current romance, turned her back on her safety net, and basically gave up everything she had... just for the hope that they might find away to actually be together.

Five gave up a significant measure of control on two distinct occassions, both of which were considerably big deals for him.

23. ♥ Do they apologize to their partner even if it wasn’t their fault?

Ahuska will readily and even pre-emptively take on the blame for almost anything. If something is genuinely her fault, she will apologise profusely and genuinely, probably through tears, and feel bad about it long after forgiveness has been given. She will offer apologies even when not directly at fault if she thinks it will help to calm down or diffuse a situation.

Five, though, doesn’t do the ‘accepting blame’ thing and certainly won’t shoulder somebody else’s. The one occassion where he has accepted responsibility, he’s never actually said the word sorry aloud, and he’s not even come clean about the real circumstances. But his guilt over the matter is expressed still to this day, through actions and gifts that are never actually directly linked to the event in question.

27. ♥ Have they had dreams about their partner/the person they are courting?

Ahuska most certainly has; dreams are a significant part of every reality she experiences, and often a way that binds them together, so naturally the significant people in her life feature prominently. She’s leery of anything that has a sense of being prophetic, but does believe she’s witnessed possible futures in her dreams and the ones that suggest a long and full life with Crow are her favourites.

Through her Force-bond with Blakk, she’s been able to actually share dreams with him, which have been very profound experiences... but at the moment her dreams are only dreams, and any real senses she gets of him vanish the moment she tries to focus enough to actually reach him. It hurts.

Five dreams as anyone does, and there’s no doubt Thirteen would feature in them regularly. Nothing magical, nothing profound or prophetic, just good old fashioned disjointed images that the brain strings together in a loose approximation of a plot. What’s most disconcerting is if he makes any sort of appearance in his recurring nightmares.

28. ♥ Do they understand their partners/person they are courting’s feelings without them having to say anything?

Ahuska becomes very attuned to the people she cares most about; she’s naturally a very sensitive person who wants to understand her partners’ feelings, and her desire to understand and do the best for the people she loves is only ever enhanced by her connection to the Force. She’s connected to Crow through all their years and shared experiences together, and being tuned into the beat of his heart definitely helps her know his feelings despite what he might show on the outside. With Blakk she has the benefit of being literally bonded through the Force but... well. Hopefully they wind up back in a position where understanding one anothers’ feelings is a legitimate thing they can do. ;_;

Five is quite astute, if not completely fool-proof, and when he puts the effort in can do quite a servicable job of knowing where someone’s feelings are at- manipulation is one of the tools of his trade, after all. Just how much he actually cares to do so is a different story, but, well... stranger things have certainly happened. He might try to claim that Thirteen is an open book to him, but that might just be what Thirteen wants him to think.

29. ♥ How do they express their love to their partner?

Ahuska gives freely and openly, her time, her energy, her patience, her body and soul. She will share anything and everything, she will take risks for her partner and forsake all the rest of the galaxy for them. She will find little tokens to gift them; she will feature them amongst her sketches regularly, she will listen to them and back them up and walk beside them on the most foolardy of pursuits. She will find what matters to them, she will discover what they react and respond to best, and she will make it so. Ahuska doesn’t know how to love in any way other than giving it her all.

Five would never use so soft and loaded a term as ‘love’. That is for a completely different caliber of people, people he cares little for. Allowing someone into his apartment, into his personal space, is a reasonable demonstration fo trust. Giving someone his time outside of and completely unrelated to work is a monumental demonstration of fondness. A willingness to touch and be touched outside of immediate bedroom activities is a grand display of affection. Offering financial assistance/security is an unspoken indication that someone matters to him. Lump it all together and he’d still sooner shoot himself in the foot than admit aloud that he cares.

#ahuska asks #watcher five asks #relationship asks #omg i need to go sleep #ahahaha #apologies if this is riddled with typos and chopped up sentences #what an exercise in contrasts #tyty for asking!!#i love mulling over these things #i hope the answers satisfied #I'm too tired to make an objective judgement 8)

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untaemedqueen · 5 years

Text

Peregrination > J.JK

Chapter 6.

Yearning (n.) - a feeling of intense longing for something.

It had begun to rain, of course. Jeongguk stands in front of Y/N's house on the outskirts of Seoul, his black hoodie getting soaked as he peers at the one lit window of the home. It was Y/N's bedroom and Jeongguk could see shadows moving in the light. He tried calling Y/N several times on the drive over to her house but she had shut off her phone. Jeongguk pulls at his black face mask, the fabric slack against his skin from the rain. It makes a gross suction noise as he rips it off his face. He and Y/N haven't had a fight in a long time, probably the last fight was about Mina, his ex-girlfriend. How could he make her feel so insignificant? He felt like an asshole for making her hurt. He withheld the information about his secret lover only because he didn't want Y/N to worry or get angry with him. Jeongguk was a nervous wreck as he picks at the skin around his nails trying to gather up the courage to go through this with Y/N one more time. She was going to be livid, but Jeongguk would regret everything even now just picturing how her face would look. Jeongguk approaches the house, the awning shielding him from the current onslaught of rain. He bounces on his toes out of nervousness before clearing his throat. He raises his hand to ring the bell before whining to himself and spinning around. He was always such a proud person, but Y/N broke him out of that. This wasn't about his pride, it was about how Y/N would look when she saw him. Would she start to cry? Or even scream at him? The main question he couldn't even answer for himself was, why was he feeling such a hole in his chest when she was just his best friend?

Jeongguk finally gathered the courage, his finger buzzing the doorbell before biting his lip picking some skin off out of nervousness. The house was silent, Jeongguk puts his ear up to the door hearing Y/N's footsteps as she descends the stairs from her room. She was coming to answer the door! Jeongguk brushes at his wet clothes and pushes his hair back. He sputters his lips nervously before hearing Y/N stop in front of the door. "Go away." Y/N calls and Jeongguk closes his eyes. "Y/N, please. I'm so sorry." Jeongguk puts his forehead again the door and Y/N wipes at her tear stained cheeks. "Go away Kookie. I mean it." Jeongguk smacks his forehead into the door as he hears her footsteps recede through the door. Jeongguk looks around the patio before digging his hand into the letterbox next to the door. He grabs Y/N's spare house key before opening the door. Y/N sits on the stairs as if she was waiting for the door to open. Her hands perched underneath her chin. Jeongguk takes in her apperance and his body almost shuts down. Her face was puffy from crying, her eyes red and seemingly rubbed raw. Her nose was a cherry color as she sniffles in front of him. Jeongguk takes off his soaked sneakers before rushing and sitting on the floor in front of Y/N. Her eyes close and she buries her face in her arms as little sobs escape her throat. Jeongguk furrows his eyebrows and looks down at her feet feeling like death. How could he put her in this state? All he ever wanted to do was see her smile and he made her like this.

You rub at your irritated eyes once more before taking in a deep breath through your mouth, you sniffle before looking at where Jeongguk was stood. He was now sat in front of you his arms hugging his knees as he stares down at your purple painted toes. His eyebrows were knit together and his jaw was taught. He was angry and you knew he was angry with himself. The whole cab ride home you cried, fighting with someone so significant in your life is never fun especially when they knew how much they hurt you. The sorrow was written all over Jeongguk's face. You lift your head up before unfolding your arms. You open your mouth to speak but Jeongguk beats you. "I'm sorry." He whispers, his voice cracking as his eyes begin to fill with tears. He tuts at himself before covering his eyes with his hand. You take in his wet clothing and your heart softens. How long was he standing outside in the pouring rain? His black sweater clinging to his body as small drops of water fall onto your wooden floor. "Take off your sweater. You'll get sick." You whisper before standing, he looks up at you as your hand comes to his cheeks. You wipe his tears and it seems to make him cry more. "Aish." He mumbles before sobbing loudly putting his head back. You sigh before wrapping him into a hug. He holds you close, his arms tight around you as he holds on to you for dear life. "I don't want to ever fight with you. It's the worst feeling in the world." Jeongguk whispers into your hair. Your shirt was now soaked but you didn't care and you didn't notice until Kook pulled away from you. "Let's change your hoodie and then we'll talk." You mumble before ascending the stairs with Jeongguk on your tail.

You sit in the living room with Kookie, a glass of red wine in hand as you face each other. Jeongguk sips his red wine before leaning back into the couch, the lighting was dim and the fire place was now on to warm Jeongguk up from the rain. "God, even when you are mad at me you take such good care of me." You put the long stemmed wine glass to your lips before giving him a lazy smile. To be honest, all that crying had made you exhausted. You swirl the wine around watching the thick legs of the drink mosey down to the bottom of the glass. "Why didn't you tell me?" You ask putting your head against the cream coloured couch cushion. Jeongguk sighs and throws his head back. "The correct answer is I didn't tell you because I'm stupid. But, also I didn't tell you because I don't want you to worry. She means absolutely nothing to me, really. I didn't want you to go into Y/N mode and be nervous about her coming over and exposing me and all that stuff." You hum before drinking some of your wine. "Plus she actually broke it off with me not too long ago. She doesn't have enough time to focus on practicing for debut with me around. She is really serious about it. She's already 22 and hasn't debuted yet." Jeongguk explains further. You are quieter than usual, just even thinking about another girl in that house besides you was a very strange thought and you didn't care for it. "Well, I was hurt when Jin said it, I mean I had no pretense that she existed and I felt like maybe it was the Mina thing all over again." Jeongguk scoffs and sits closer to you. "I will never choose a girl over you ever again. I was a fucking idiot for even thinking that." You go to recall the memory and it was like it never happened. You remember the incident but couldn't put together the details. Like, somehow your brain wiped that memory clean away. You clear your throat before running your fingers through your hair. "What exactly happened with all of that?" You ask, Jeongguk pulls away from his glass before scooting closer to you. "You're going to make me tell the story so I can feel worse, aren't you?" He asks with a frown. "No! No! I just don't really remember everything about it!" You explain making Jeongguk tilt his head. "You don't remember everything? How could you forget such a thing? You sure you're okay? You were bleeding earlier." "I'm fine!" You drink more of your wine before listening to the crackle of the fire. "Well, anyway, I'm not going into the whole Mina thing. It was terrible whether you remember all the details or not.” Jeongguk shivers before finishing off his wine. “You’re still cold?” He shrugs before pulling the throw blanket off the top of the couch and throwing it over his legs. “I’m supposed to be your best friend, I hope you’ll trust me with everything no matter what.” You finish off your wine before pouring more for the both of you. “I do trust you! You are my best friend! I just... I had a mental lapse of judgement and I messed up. I’ll tell you everything from now on whether you wanna hear it or not.” You snort before grabbing your wine glass. “I’ll even tell you when I go to the bathroom.” Jeongguk says with a giggle, you smile at him before sighing loudly. “I’m good on that one, thanks.” Jeongguk smirks before staring at the fire. "I think I'm getting a fever." You go wide eyed as you look over his face as it starts to get a bit pale. You stand up placing your wine glass on the table before moving his hair from his forehead. You press your lips to his forehead before backing up. "Yah! Of course you're getting a fever! You were soaking wet! Why did you stand outside in the rain for so long?!" Jeongguk clears his throat before fixing his hair. "I was embarrassed to come inside! Just thinking of you being so upset with me literally made me not able to move a muscle. I couldn't face it." You sit down next to him with a large sigh, "And who taught you to kiss someone to feel for a fever? Weirdo." You roll your eyes at him before looking over his pale face. “My grandmother did. How does it make any sense to place a hand on your forehead and mine? That won’t tell temperature well. You feel more with your lips since they are sensitive.” Jeongguk’s eyes fall to your lips before clearing his throat again. You look him over once more before the sound of falling rain and crackling fire wood fills your ears. You turn and draw back your curtain checking outside, the rain was coming down hard. The front of your yard filling with water. “Go upstairs and lay down and I’ll get a wet towel for you.” You say letting the curtain go as it falls back into place. Jeongguk looks at you wide-eyed, “I have to get back home, so the guys can come back here.” He presses his hands together underneath the throw blanket. You roll your eyes before standing, “Get upstairs, you aren’t going anywhere in this pouring rain.” Jeongguk’s eyes dance between you and the familiar fireplace. He opens his mouth to say something but you walk away from him grabbing the now empty wine bottle on the table. “If I come back out here and you’re still on this couch, it means you want to die.” You warn your best friend as you walk away through the dining room and into the kitchen.

You walk back into the dark living room with a glass bowl of warm water and two cloths draped over your arm. You eye the now empty couch before snorting. “This kid.” You mutter with a small smile forming on your face. You take a minute to burn out the fireplace before the room becomes pitch black, the sound of rain more prominent as you turn on the hallway light. You advance up the steps before you hear Jeongguk muttering to himself, you tiptoe lightly trying to hear him. “You idiot...” You hear him chanting to himself, you shake your head with a laugh, “How could you look at her like that?” You hear him whisper, you stop at the top of the stairs. You stare at the floor, the light peaks out from the almost closed door. “Get it together.” Jeongguk mutters to himself audibly. You swallow before feeling embarrassed, you shouldn’t be so nosy. You stomp up the last two stairs before opening your bedroom door. Jeongguk lays in bed without a shirt, his skin shining with a feverish sweat making you frown. He really is getting quite sick. You walk into the room as he lays his head back on the pillow. “You’re here.” He whispers before turning his head to look at you. You smile down at him before sitting on the bed next to him. You face him folding in your legs, while placing the bowl in your lap. You wet a cloth before ringing it out, you push back his bangs and place the warm towel on his forehead. Jeongguk shivers before sighing loudly. “This is what I get, y’know.” He mumbles out, “Hmm?” You ask as you run your fingers through his long, soft hair. “I made you so upset that this is what I deserve, God wasn’t please with me so now I’m sick.” You giggle before shaking your head. “I don’t think God works like that. You got sick because you stood out in the rain for a ridiculous amount of time without any concern for your health.” Jeongguk frowns before shivering again. “Try and sleep.” You whisper to him as you wet another cloth getting ready to switch it out. “Come here.” Jeongguk holds his arms out and you raise an eyebrow. His tan skin very pale as you in closer to him, he sighs before putting his arms around you, his feverish skin wetting your shirt. His lips find purchase against the side of your mouth and your eyes go wide. “Yah.” You mumble pushing on his chest. “This makes me feel better.” He whispers, “Jeongguk...” You say pushing on him, “Give me one kiss and I’ll regain my strength.” You smack him in the chest, “Yah, Jeon Jeongguk. That’s not funny.” Jeongguk pulls away putting his fingers underneath your chin. “Do I look like a comedian to you?” He asks taking the cloth off his forehead. He places the cloth in the bowl before taking the bowl out of your lap and placing it on the nightstand next to him. He sits up before shivering once more. “Lay down!” You whine pushing on his chest. His strong arms pull your weight on to him as he falls back, your legs beginning to ache at the strange position they’re in. “Jeongguk.” You whine again making him chuckle. He puts his face into your hair before sighing. “I feel better already.” The aura in the room was changing to something strange and unfamiliar. There was always a sense of flirting with him but above all he was just your best friend. He was Jeon Jeongguk, and yet, why was he so much more while holding you like this. Your heart rate picks up as his fingers card through your hair. “Y/N.” Jeongguk whispers out, you pick your head up and look at him. “Thank you for always being there for me. You’re the best person in my life.” You smile at him before wiping some sweat off his hot forehead. Jeongguk’s eyes glaze over your face before falling on your lips, he licks his lips before smirking. His thumb and index finger clasp your chin, before looking into your eyes. Your heart rate soars making you feel hot all over, the sound of your heartbeat heavy in your ears as you stare back at him dark brown orbs. He pulls your face closer to his and sticks out his lips. “Just one popo.” He mutters before sticking his lips out farther. You clear your throat before looking at his lips. He licks them once, his tongue peaking out making your body go rigid. You’ve never felt this way with him before. Why is he doing this. He pushes you off of him before smiling. “I’m a good comedian, right?” He wrinkles his nose before chuckling. You smack him hard in the chest making him groan loudly. “Yah! Go to sleep.” You yell before laying down in the bed and throwing the comforter over yourself. You turn away from him and stare at the door before putting your hand on your heart. “Asshole.” You mouth to yourself. Jeongguk lays down comfortably before turning his head to look at you. He smirks before smacking his chest into your back. He lays on top of the comforter letting the fabric of the sheet shield you from his bare chest as he throws his arm over you. His mind reeling at being so close to you just seconds ago. “You know I love you, right?” He whispers to you, you pretend to sleep not wanting to answer him as you try to steady your heart beat. “I love you, Y/N. Thanks for always taking such good care of me, my girl.” You close your eyes as Jeongguk gently kisses the back of your head before turning around and facing the window. He smacks his forehead before closing his eyes. Why did he say all of these useless things to his best friend? Did he believe them? And, if he did would he ever truly act on them?

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pianoperson · 5 years

Text

Revised Cradlesona Character Sheet

Because I got more ideas for my Cradlesona so :’)

Also I made a new artwork!! (I was trying to shade but it looked too ugly sooooooo)

And here’s the updated character sheet!! (Also posting it now because I’m writing for the school event ongoing)

CRADLESONA CHARACTER SHEET

Basic Info:

Name: Angel Burnham

Nickname: None; call her Angel

Birthday: December 12

Age: 22

Height: 150cm

Blood Type: O+

Physical:

Eyes: Her right eye is a natural dark brown color. Her left eye, however, is a mix of colors that resemble a galaxy. It used to be the same brown color as her right eye until she first performed magic. When using magic, both her eyes take on the galaxy colors. Nobody knows why this is the case, although Angel has a feeling it’s because of her heritage.

Hair: Dark brown hair; in some angles, it looks black, while in others, it looks brown

Accessories: Two rosary bracelets on her left wrists and a St. Benedict’s ring on her left middle finger

Features: Other than her left eye, nothing too significant

Illnesses: Aside from allergies to most seafood except fish, none

Social:

Affiliation: Neutral initially, Red Army after two months

Occupations: Originally worked as a waitress in a cafe, but days after she discovered her magic, she was recruited by the Red Army to help them in the war

Relationships:

Blanc and Oliver: These two were the first people Angel met when she first arrived in Cradle. Blanc had been nothing but kind to her while Oliver was more merciless with his words; nevertheless, Angel was able to get along with both of them. Blanc had even given her a tour around Cradle. Angel stayed in their home for a few days until she requested to stay in another place. Blanc and Oliver also helped her find a job.

Fenrir: Fenrir and Angel became immediate friends when he stopped by Blanc’s house. He even gave her a food tour around Cradle. Fenrir found out her new home when he visited the cafe she worked in and since then, he has made occasional visits. He was there for Angel after she learned about her magic and also helped her move out of her apartment after she was recruited by the Red Army.

Lancelot: Angel found him intimidating. She even disliked him for not allowing her to go out of Red Army HQ on her own. However, after finding out about what he had to go through to keep Cradle (and her) safe, she realized he is actually kind.

Jonah: Angel found him very attractive the moment she first saw him during her tour around Cradle. She saw him eating mille-fueille while having a lunch break in another cafe and found it really endearing. When she was made to serve the Red Army, Jonah was assigned to be her (main) bodyguard. They grew closer because of it.

Edgar: Angel found him sketchy, despite his kindness to her. Much to her annoyance, Edgar teases her about her crush on Jonah. However, when he teases Jonah, she either enjoys the show or joins Edgar. Sometimes, if Jonah is really busy, Edgar takes the role of bodyguard.

Kyle: Angel likes his chill personality, especially since she grew up in a lax environment. Kyle has brought her out to the bar he goes to twice. The first time went off without a hitch. The second time, however…

Zero: Because of his quiet nature, Angel doesn’t know him that well. They do talk about their annoyance towards Edgar. If Jonah and Edgar aren’t available, Zero is her third bodyguard.

Personality:

Angel has Filipino and Cradle blood. She was born and raised in 21st century Philippines, having a pretty decent life with a loving family, enough sustenance, and (as decent as it can get) WiFi. Although her elementary and high school taught her, Angel isn’t particular about manners. She can act properly if necessary, but she prefers to let loose and be chill.

When you first meet her, you might be intimidated by her serious expression. However, once you try to talk to her in a friendly way, you actually see she’s really friendly and great to talk to. She’s particularly energetic if you talk about similar interests, such as Pokemon, TwoSetViolin, etc. (sadly no one in Cradle knows about those things). While Angel likes to chat, she is an introvert and can get tired easily during hangouts.

Angel is generally a relaxed person. She would rather go with the flow than organize things because for her, things become messier if she does plan it. She acts chill around people, never trying to get mad at anyone because for her, it makes it much easier in the long run. This is also because Angel hates conflict and problems and would rather stay away if she can.

However, in unfamiliar settings, Angel gets very tense. If she is made a leader, she gets easily nervous and can break down. She wishes that she was more confident, however, so she can be someone people can look up to. In very familiar areas, however, she has more confidence, to the point she can seem arrogant.

Because of her relaxed nature, Angel tends to laze around and not finish whatever projects she herself started on unless there are more people involved in it. This also causes her to not have many passions for things. However, she has two things she really likes: astronomy and music. Stars always make her feel better and she gets excited over space. As for music, she is a pianist and a flutist. Music is the one thing where she feels confident and very much like her ideal self. After discovering magic, however, she had a rocky relationship with it for a while. Angel also likes maths, writing, and drawing, partly because it makes her feel smart but mostly because she likes doing it. She tends to get lazy with those three, however.

Angel is also an honest person, never one to tell a lie. She can also be blunt, especially when the situation calls for it. She is also a very loyal friend, not wanting to turn her back and hurt them.

Deep down, she hates herself to the point where every time she’s asked what positive quality she thinks she has, she wouldn’t be able to give a response. She wants to be good enough for people to even want and appreciate her but feels like she isn’t. Sometimes, she feels like telling someone but she fears she’ll burden them.

Because of this low self-esteem, she attempts to raise it up by counting her blessings every day. Occasionally, this causes her to be arrogant in a way, but she really doesn’t intend for it to be that way. This awareness of her arrogance tends to attack her ego, bringing her self-esteem back down.

Family and History:

Angel is actually from the 21st century who recently graduated from college with a degree in music. While walking back to a condo her family owns, Blanc bumps into her and drops his pocket watch, which she picked up. The rest is history.

Angel’s family is actually a mix of two worlds. Her mother was a Cradle citizen, born into a family of magic users, while her father was from the Land of Reason. Her mother, dared by her friends, entered the Garden on the full moon via teleportation and accidentally ended up being transported to 21st century Earth, where she met Angel’s father and fell in love. They hid this from Angel and her other siblings and she only found out during a chance encounter with her mother’s parents. Because of the magic and resistance to it being passed down, she inherited both abilities, which are most powerful in music.

Skills and Special Abilities:

Magic: Angel can cast magic like typical magic users. When she uses magic normally, it’s far from the power of magic users such as Lancelot and Harr. However, when she plays piano or flute, her magic becomes much stronger, possibly stronger than the aforementioned two. Using it, however, can cause fatigue, fever, and even fainting.

Magic Resistance: Due to her roots in the Land of Reason, she also has the ability to nullify magic, making her one of the most powerful people in Cradle– and a target. Strangely, when she makes TwoSetViolin references, her magic nullification ability is more powerful. (It was how she even found out about her magic resistance. She remarked “iNtErEsTiNg” once and the nearby lights went off. The crystals in the light bulbs were newly installed.)

Pianist: She has a decade and a half worth of experience.

Flutist: While not as experienced with the flute (only having played it for around 5 years), she can still play it.

Writing: She writes in her spare time.

Drawing: She’s less confident in her drawings and would rather not show them to anyone. She does draw in her spare time.

Paired with: Jonah

Life in Cradle:

Angel just recently graduated from college when she first encountered Blanc, who bumped into her. Blanc seemed very antsy and, after apologizing to her, ran off. He dropped his pocket watch, however. The same thing that happened to Alice the Second occurred, except Blanc actually was nearby when Angel was falling to 19th century Cradle.

The portal closed immediately after Blanc caught Angel, so she was trapped in the unknown world.

On the first days staying in Cradle, Angel was nervous, even with Blanc and Oliver helping her. Often, she was reminded of how tense she was.

During one of the days Blanc showed her around, Angel saw a troop of Red Army soldiers, being led by Jonah. Angel found him attractive and kept glancing at him.

Eventually, Angel asked Blanc if she can get a job and her own living space, since she didn’t want to burden him. Blanc helped her find a job as a waitress in a cafe and got her an apartment to stay in.

She found out about her magic nullification abilities when she moved in to her apartment.

For two months, she carried a rather mundane life as a worker in a cafe. There was a day when, during break, she ate in another cafe at the same time as Jonah (and found him cute as he ate his mille-fueille).

A few days after the news of the former King of Hearts being assassinated was announced, Angel was eating out with some friends from work. The restaurant had a piano, so she decided to play Sonata Pathetique mvm. 3. Midway through the piece, she heard screams and shouts of pain. That was when she found out that she was unleashing magical attacks through her playing and started to panic when she realized her hands were moving on their own. That was when an explosion occurred.

She was brought to Kyle thanks to Oliver. She was the only one who survived the fiasco, which was dubbed the Night When Death Sang. She also found out her left eye changed color.

Because of the fiasco, she was fired from her job.

She encounters her Cradle family by chance near the fountain in Central Quarter. They bring her to her house and decide to teach her how to control her magic.

A week later, Red Army declared war on the Black Army. The next day, they faced off. Angel was nearby when it happened and was praying in her head for nothing bad to happen. That was when she accidentally repelled Lancelot’s magic, confusing everyone. It was enough for Blanc and Oliver to arrive and stop the conflict.

Two days after the face-off, Edgar finds Angel in her apartment, taking her to the Red Army HQ. There, Angel is made to serve the Red Army by using her magical abilities against the Black Army.

Because of what she did at the restaurant, however, Lancelot orders his officers to be Angel’s bodyguards whenever she goes out. Jonah is her main bodyguard.

#ikerev #ikemen revolution #cradlesona #my art

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ambrvsel · 5 years

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hey there demons! it’s me, sam ( she / her, 22, est timezone ) aaaand here’s a fourth char, which i’ve never had here but we started accepting older muses and daniel sharman is one of my fave fcs ever so here we are. pls bear with me but ok let’s hop into this! character info under the cut and as always please message me here or @ellvie if you’d like to plot!

╰☆╮ DANIEL SHARMAN ─ AMBROSE LANCASTER identifies as CIS MALE and uses HE/HIM pronouns. they’re a POET/ACTOR, and they’re only TWENTY-EIGHT ! they’re said to be INGENIOUS, but also BROODING. i guess that’s why they’re known as THE WORDSMITH in the tabloids. *mia's older brother wc!

so, this is...ambrosius cyril lancaster. we just don’t know why the lancaster parents gave him such a mouthful of a name and then looked at their second kid and went nah just one ( 1 ) syllable for this one, but it happened and now here we are! he tends to go by ambrose, which is just the simplified version of his actual name and takes less than five fuckin hours to say

anyway, as you might have guessed ambrose is mia’s older brother! they’re about seven years apart which is obviously a significant age gap, but it never really stopped them from being v close!

he was born and raised in los angeles, california where he experienced your typical upper middle class sort of lifestyle during his childhood. his parents divorced when he was a teenager, but it was amicable so he was able to kinda just accept it and move on with his life. he and mia lived with their mother most of the time, but both of their parents are cool and he really doesn’t have any issues with them or any serious childhood tragedies at all really

so growing up he was always kinda quiet and timid, but not painfully so. as his interests in the arts developed, his parents kinda nudged him into doing things like joining the drama club, which helped him to come out of his shell a bit

yes, he was a Theater Kid™ i’m so sorry everyone

he was...v v good at acting to the point where he wound up going to hollywood arts a special performing arts high school in hollywood on an acting scholarship. he starred in many of the school plays which usually had a lot of talent agents and casting directors and producers in the audience so he got noticed without really trying tbh

did a couple small tv appearances when he was 16 - 17 in all of the basic af teen drama shows of the time like pll & tvd & gossip girl. so, nothing special or groundbreaking buuuut it got him noticed by a lot of studios and hollywood people who were offering him much bigger roles in tv and film but he was like nah and went to college instead.

so he took a small break from acting in order to study poetry at columbia university in nyc, but he got bored bc it felt kinda easy to him oops. so he quickly went back to acting on the side while continuing his studies and got himself a steady recurring role on yet another basic teen drama to keep him entertained while he went through school.

he got his mfa in poetry from columbia a few years ago and he’s v proud of it aw i love that for him :’)

however after graduating he really didn’t do much with his writing bc he accidentally bit off more than he could chew by taking on a couple more acting roles bc he figured he’d be able to manage it and still work on his poetry but...nah. as a result his writing has kinda fallen by the wayside but he’s still really passionate about it!

was engaged to torrance keynes for a time and it wound up being v...Messy. she got pregnant more than once, but unfortunately miscarried each time. it was obvs difficult on both of them and it turned out to be too much and so they eventually broke things off. he’s still kind of a wreck over everything but like how could he not be? it’s still a very sore subject for him but like what are you gonna do! he basically just refuses to talk about it and pretends everything is fine haha yikes

he’s kinda been switching between la and nyc ever since he started college bc of school and work and going to see his fam ( especially mia! ) and he’s never really settled in one place or the other? but he’s really fallen in love with nyc and it’s where he spends most of his free time!

might have dipped to la for a little longer than usual after his last break up with torrance, buuuut he’s obvs returned and i think he’s planning to stay put for now

extra fun facts! probs a good thing to read if you’re looking for a tl;dr tbh

he’s probs on a tv show right now. think like american horror story or the walking dead or something? i feel like he gets typecast as a dark/brooding/sarcastic type of character in a lot of ~edgy~ type of shows. lmk if you’ve got any suggestions for a specific role bc rn i’ve got nothing

critics and management and even fans often complain that he’s wasting his immense acting talent on all of these smaller roles, but ambrose is happy with his career rn. he loves acting and he doesn’t want it to start feeling like a chore and he wants freedom and flexibility so that he can finally start focusing on his poetry.

“are you mad?” no that’s just his face

hobbies include boxing, throwing knives, surfing, taking walks, watching pretentious films, hanging out in record stores, and some dabbling in drawing.

loves to read, always carrying a book around and sticking his nose in it if he has a few minutes of free time & it’s not uncommon to see him with a new book every single day, or even more than one book in a single day

he’s kind of a hipster i’m sorry

also just kinda...slightly...a little...very Dramatic™

might do music on the side but like……...very far on the side. he’s probs a drummer?? in some arctic monkeys type of shitty indie rock band but he enjoys it so whatever

a total gentleman and a romantic, but also most likely a Disaster in the relationships department so...watch out for that too ig!

personality: ambrose is quiet, perceptive, intelligent, eloquent, creative, pensive, sarcastic, dramatic, tumultuous, and passionate. he can come across as standoffish but it’s just Resting Bitch Face and the fact that he’s an introvert working against him. just start talking about film or books or something and he’ll warm right up. he’s a v loyal and protective friend, nice and polite to strangers, but noticeably a bit closed off ( especially after the miscarriages and failed engagement ). basically - all you need to know about ambrose is that if someone told you that he was secretly a 500 year old british vampire who likes to surf in his spare time then you would probably believe them.

here are a few lame connection ideas that you should not feel limited by whatsoever!

best friend

friends

frenemies

former costars

enemies

romantic - exes, crushes, pr relationships maybe? & all that stuff

people he attended school with - either in la or at columbia

college roommates?

other members of his little side project indie band?

ok that’s it for now! feel free to message me if you’d like to plot and as always, i’m super excited to write with you all!

#excessintro #divorce tw #miscarriage tw #plot with me cowards

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heliantyr · 5 years

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ALRIGHT!

Time for questions! I’m going to put 1-9 here plain and simple, and then the rest will be under the break just so that you don’t have to scroll to oblivion if you don’t want to see this! Let’s go!

1: Name

My name is Jude, or Coreta if you wanna use my pen name! A few of you might also know me as Virchude since that’s my main blog!

2: Age

I won’t tell you plainly, but I am still in high school.

3: City that you live in

I’m just gonna tell you which state! I live in the lower peninsula of Michigan!

4: What do most people not know about you?

I’m almost certain that none of you know this, but I am the youngest of my dad’s (kinda) six kids.

5: What do most people know you for?

If we’re talking just here, I hope to all get out it’s my headcanons, but in real life it’s the fact that I get offended rather easily...

6: Hobbies!

I do a lot of pointless writing (meaning I never finish anything)... I also draw a lot of random junk, I rad a shit ton of fanfiction, I sing/write songs a lot... uuhh and do nothing.

7: What are your passions?

I have a very large passion for helping those around me who have suffered like I have mentally and emotionally. I also really like debating (more like arguing) with people about politics!

8: When was the last time you had a significant conversation with someone you love?

Just yesterday my mom, older sister, and I ended up accidentally sitting down in the living room and ranting about how shitty out lives are... so.......... yeah

9: have you collected anything? What is it?

I have a small hat collection (that I hardly ever wear), and I’m beginning a plant collection! There is also a ever fluctuating collection of cups and bottles in my room T-T

10: List ten things off your bucket list (I may not remember half of these TvT)

*Take a trip back to Colorado with my friends

*Start a business

*Travel to at least 8 countries

*Go to Andorra

*Be known for some great feat

*Have one of my works (whether art or writing, etc) become famous or greatly known

*Meet one of my favorite actors/band members (doesn’t matter who)

*Learn to swim...............

*Make drastic strides towards saving the planet

*Meet more people from my dad’s side of the family

11: What was the last thing you learned?

Seeing as I got out of world history an hour and a half ago, we learned about the Cold War and how the USSR fell apart because of silly putty

12: How many relationships have you been in?

Counting the ones that didn’t mean shit, 4. Only counting the ones that actually meant something, 2.

13 + 14 I am not answering.

15: Favorite food

Menudo. Fuckin love it

16: Favorite drink

hm... either tea or ginger ale, but out of a shot glass TvT A TWO LETER OUT OF A SHOT GLASS

17: What is the best birthday gift you have ever received?

I went to NYC over my birthday weekend this year with my school’s choir, and our tour leader on my bus got me a pastry in Little Italy! It meant so much because I didn’t even know her!

18: Are you optimistic or pessimistic?

I’m usually pessimistic unless my friends are also being pessimistic, cuz then I’m frigin sunshine and rainbows!

19: Do you sleep during class?

Not very often, and only if what I’m doing isn’t actually important.

20: What is the most expensive thing you own?

If not my actual bed, my laptop, which is $200.

21: What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own?

..... I... Don’t know... uh I got a huge fukin thing of cocoa butter lotion at the dollar tree... and it’s kind of multi use?!?

22: How many time a day on average to you check your phone?

.........don’t look at me like that.

23: Text or call?

Text. I wanna call people, but what if they don’t pick up? Or it’s really awkward? or I can’t hear them? or vise versa? or-

24: Opinion on long distance?

Sounds like torture. I honestly couldn’t do it.

25: What is your definition of success?

Feeling satisfied or content with what you’ve done.

26: Favorite song?

um. At the moment, Killer Queen by Queen.

27: Favorite artist?

Music wise, Patrick Stump. Art wise, Van Gogh.

28: Celebrity crush/crushes?

That’s a long list. But my main two recently have been Sebastian Stan and Tom Holland...

29: When was the last time you read for fun?

Aside from fanfiction? Last Wednesday night I stayed up reading Shakespeare’s sonnets to myself...

30: Favorite flower?

chrysanthemums!

31: What is the best gift you could receive right now?

A confidence boost that lasted at least the rest of high school...

32: Any guilty pleasures?

Day dreaming about random shit.... random weird shit about people I know...

33: What is one thing you’d like to change about yourself?

Hm... I think I’d change my mental health. I just wanna be perfectly okay for once.

34: What do you search for in a friend?

being able to understand me, relate to me, and be weird with me. Also mutual interests. And reasonable barriers.

35: How many times have I said “I love you” in the past month?

You expect me you count???? A shit ton! Do you know how many times a day I have a family member leave the goddamn house????

36: Where dd you last go other than your room/home?

School.

37: Why do good things happen to good people?

Because that’s not how life works. Our society constantly has people suffering, no matter who they are or what they’ve done.

38: In your opinion, what hurts more? Being left out, or being stabbed in the eye?

Seeing as I’m just about used to the pain of being left out, I’d say being stabbed in the eye. I am such a wuss T-T

39: How many green shirts do you own?

1. It’s a St. Patty’s day shirt.

40: Do you like anime?

noooooooooooo.......... not at allllll.... TvT I’m tired!

41: What do you invest the most time in?

Either videogames or fanfiction.

42: What is the name of the last book you read?

The Hobbit (even though I haven’t finished yet)

43: What’s the difference between loving and liking someone?

No clue... Still trying to figure that out.

44: Where are you most productive?

My art classroom

45: List three things you enjoy doing with friends:

*Complaining about life

*being gay

*Pretend to kidnap one of them my dragging them around the floor during lunch

46: List three things you like to do alone:

*Listen to music

*Think

*Read

47: Do you think that world peace will ever exist?

As long as there are living things on it? Never.

48: Do you have any allergies?

Absolutely none! I knew this kid in the third grade who was allergic to nuts, milk, AND gluten!

49: When was the last time you cussed at someone?

My friend and I got into an argument about who the best actors are during english....

50: What was the last promise you made?

.......Is it bad that I don’t remember?

51: What was your last dream about?

I had a hedgehog (which I really frikin want), and I was taking care of them, and hen this asshole in my grade was in my living room and I had to be nice to him.

52: If you won a trip to Hawaii and could take 5 people with you, who would they be?

*My best friend Kiara

*My friend Raph

*My other friend Molly

*My other other friend Faith

*My dog

53: How many countries have you visited?

1, if you count the fact that I live in one!

54: What is your favorite medium of art?

Music. It moves me so easily.

55: When was the last time someone complimented you?

My friend Laura jokingly complimented my hair during english (we were looking at old english compliments) and she winked at me TyT

56: If you switched bodies with someone, how would you recognize yourself?

uh... hol up, wha?

57: Do you consider yourself mature?

At times, yes.

58: How many days in your life do you think you’ve wasted on tumblr?

so frigin many, but there’s more to come!!!!

59: What is your favorite quote?

“I was so good at sports when I was in high school, that I started a band.”

-Patrick Stump

60: If you started a new religion and you had to create 3 rules or commandments for your new followers to live by, what would those 3 rules be?

*Be kind to all (see how that’s turned out???)

*Spend life learning. Try to find the lesson in your experiences.

*Mental growth is more important than anything

61: What is your greatest accomplishment?

Being alive today.

62: Do you believe in the death penalty?

No, not really.

63: What are your goals in life?

To be a better person than my mother is, and to help others on a mental level.

64: What do you think your soulmate is doing right now?

I honestly have no clue... maybe something weird?

65: If you could live anywhere, where would you live? The place can be in an imaginary, fantasy, or the real world.

I would have to go with.......... oo that’s hard................... the bnha universe T-T I want powers!

66: What were you like in 2013?

I was an awkward, abusive, shitty little child.

67: Do you have a job?

Nope! I’m planning on possibly finding a part-time one soon, though!

68: Tell us a story about your childhood best friend.

His name was Parker, and he was a year older than me. He was my first friend other than my older sister, and I loved him so much. I don’t remember much, seeing as the last time I saw him I was five... It was early fall, just when the leaves start to fall. We had one of those trees in my front year that dropped the seed thingies that twirled around. Parker and I would always toss so many of those in the air until out hands got cold... I really miss him.

69: If you could change one thing in society, what would it be?

I would get rid of corrupt governments and people in positions of power.

70: How many all-nighters have you pulled before?

Never have I pulled one for school, but I find myself staying up til the crack of dawn the day before school starts, usually. Or on nights when I can’t but help contemplate everything to the point of not being able to sleep at all.

71: Is tumblr your favorite website? If not, then what is it?

Tumblr is one of my favorites, but Ao3 has my ass.

72: What is the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars?

Nothing. I tend to be very hard to bribe. But if I reaaallly needed the money, I wouldn’t be able to kill someone, I’ll tell you that.

73: Does money equal happiness?

It can for some people, but not for all.

74: How many times have you experienced true happiness in your lifetime?

I don’t know, a few? I’m never truly happy until my thoughts leave me alone.

75: How many times have you experienced true sadness in your lifetime?

More than happy, I can tell you that.

76: What’s the funniest joke you have ever been told?

My generation is going to save the planet.

77: When was the last time you looked at the news?

We actually watched a news clip during history today!

78: If you could say one thing to the world, what would you say?

Stop being a dick!

79: What is your favorite animal?

A hedgehog!!

80: If you could earn a million dollars for pretending to be dead for three years, would you do it?

NO! I have people who would miss my sorry ass, then murder me for coming back!

81: What is one thing everyone is bad at?

Having a lot of friends. A lot of the time (in my personal experience), the more friends you have, the less time you can spend with them, and the less close you are, until eventually you can’t keep dividing your time!

82: What time do you normally sleep? How many hours do you usually get?

uuuhh... yes, and not enough!

83: Does age necessarily equal maturity?

No, but that does not excuse digusting things like p*****ilia.

84: What is your favorite clothing store?

....The Hot Topical.

85: In the winter- beanies or gloves?

why not both?!?!?!?

86: Would you rather have wings or a fish tail?

Wings. I can’t swim, and I panic underwater.

87: If you had the power to erase someone from the world so that nobody remembered them but you, would you do it?

That depends, does it fuck up history? Cuz in that case, no!

88: What do you fear the most?

Being abandoned by everyone.

89: How many digits of pi can you recite?

3...

90: If you could travel back to one year and relive it again, what year would it be?

2015, so I could leave a better version of my for my friends that I leave at the end of the year,

91: Describe yourself in one word.

Invasive

92: Describe your last victory.

I had a conversation with that asshole from my dream without arguing with him.

93: What is the weirdest thing you have ever seen?

SO! This one time towards the end of the school day in the seventh grade. This one kid (let’s call him V) was sitting next to his friend (C). I look over as I go to shoulder my bag, and V is running his hand down C’s thigh. V catches me looking, and goes “WHAT?! he did it first!” like that made it better! (and it kinda did because that’s still one of my best stories!)

94: What is something you will never forget?

Something traumatic

95: Would you rather forget all of the past, or remember everything in vivid detail?

Vivid detail. Then maybe I could win arguments with my sister!

96: Have you ever broken a bone before?

yeah... I fractured the growth plate in my foot in the sixth grade... by walking.....

97: Is it harder love someone, or hate someone?

love is so hard....

98: Coffee or tea?

I drink both, but tea ftw!

99: What are some little things you do that have changed your life in a positive way?

I have become more friendly with my dog, and he actually likes me now!

100: How many hours do spend on tumblr a day?

quite a fukin few....

#asks #long post #bnhahc #get to know me #get to know jude #not headcanons

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ontheedgeofrecovery · 6 years

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What was different?

Hang tight, this is going to be a long one. I hope it is worth your time to read. Also, I put a hell of a lot of time into writing this, so I really hope it is helpful for someone (anyone!) out there.

So, I was messaging with a friend the other night (and by the other night I mean a few weeks ago because this took me forever to write) who I met a long time ago in treatment (you know who you are and I miss you and love you!). As we were talking about how hard it is to be in treatment, I started thinking about my own last experience in treatment. What made it stick? Why was it that time that I was able to stop the cycle of going in and out of the hospital? I have struggled with anorexia and restrictive eating since about the age of 7. It didn't turn into a full-blown eating disorder until I was 13, but the seeds were there around 7ish when I started to become very rigid about what and when I would eat. Anyway, it's been a long struggle. And then from 13 to 31 I cycled in and out of treatment. I literally have lost count of how many times I have been admitted - I don't say this to brag (I have noticed this is a thing in treatment), but rather to emphasize that clearly something was not clicking for a long time. In the summer of 2014 my treatment recommended palliative care and to stop trying to get better in the hospital. Basically, let nature take its course.

I pretty much accepted that the only thing left to do was die, but then decided to give it one last go and embarked upon one of my longest stays in treatment ever (October 20, 2014 to August 22, 2015). Although to be fair, I "left" many times. Usually for a day or two and then I would come back and resume my stay. I am so lucky I found a place and a treatment team that was willing to put up with my flight impulses and always accepted me back. I went from inpatient to PHP to residential to PHP to inpatient to PHP, and then finally IOP. I really hung in there and allowed myself to get to about 90% of my ideal before I discharged. Which I don't think I had done since being 15 and being at Remuda. While I clearly think this is one of the bigger players in how I got myself stable, there are others.

What was different? How did I allow myself to stay that long in treatment and sit through the discomfort of gaining almost double my body weight?

Well, there is no one simple answer, but I have been mulling it over in my head the past few days and I thought I would jot down my thoughts 1) because I feel stuck where I am at in recovery and maybe this will be motivation and 2) I don't have many readers, but for those of you who are out there maybe this will be helpful? So here they are in somewhat of a particular order (though these have changed over time in how they contribute and maintain my "recovery" (I hate using that word, because I still struggle a lot with food, but I am so much better than where I was and maybe this is what recovery looks like for me?).

Anyway.

1) Cannabis - This is kind of what kick-started the whole journey. I was 31 and had NEVER been high. Not edibles (well, obviously), not smoking. Nothing. I was absolutely terrified of getting high. I had heard so many stories of people getting paranoid and having panic attacks. I am already so anxious that the thought of something making me more anxious was an absolute no go. In addition to that, I am a rule follower and smoking weed was definitely against the rules.

My brother came to visit in March of 2014. I was not in a great space. This gets confusing because my brother and my ex are both named Nick, but we called my brother Nicky growing up so that is what I will call him here in order to differentiate. Nick had been trying to convince me to try smoking for years, pretty much since we started dating in 2008. I was steadfast in saying it was a no-go. However, Nicky made a compelling argument that I had tried everything else and was dying anyway so why not try it as a last-ditch effort to save myself. Or at the very least make the time I had left enjoyable.

I did and it opened my world in so many ways. It made me feel more connected to a greater whole. It made me realize that I am not alone in this world and I felt less isolated. Coming to terms with this made me realize how insignificant I really am in the overall scheme of things. This really helped me put into perspective the amount of time and energy I was putting into something that was not contributing at all to the betterment of society, my relationships, and I was not okay with this.

It also reduced my rigidity. Things just seemed clearer when I smoked. It was kind of like a veil lifted. I had more room for flexibility. Smoking also fills me with a feeling of hope (similar to my feelings of connectedness). Things just don't seem so dire and pointless when I am high. It seems like things could be different, that I can choose a different reality.

And finally (I don't know why this is, but I would LOVE to do research on this someday), I saw myself somewhat accurately when I smoked. For some reason when I am high I am able to see myself more realistically. My distortion doesn't completely go away, but how I see myself is definitely closer to what is real. I would look down and see my body and be like, "oh shit, this is really bad”. This even happened to me tonight when I smoked. All day long I was feeling really uncomfortable in my body and seeing myself way bigger than I actually am. I hate to say "fat," because I don't see myself as fat, I just see myself as a little above average - which everyone tells me is not true. Tonight though, I looked down and was like, yeah, I am at a normal weight, but I am on the low side of normal and I could see it for a little while after I smoked.

I don't know if that makes sense, but basically starting to use cannabis made me see things from an entirely different perspective. Throughout the summer of 2014 I gradually began to believe that things could be different. That maybe the amazing clarity I had when I smoked was how things were supposed to be. Maybe if I could get to a better place I would feel the happiness and hope I felt when I was high. Maybe if I gained weight things would get better. And for the first time in a long time, I believed it.

2) My (now ex) husband drew a hard line in the sand - This was a huge influence as well. I started my treatment journey at Princeton (which I chose because I had never been there before - I also knew they had private rooms and that was a huge draw. Also, to be totally honest, I had been essentially banned from a number of other treatment centers for being a repeat customer and always leaving before I was ready). However, I signed myself out after a month.I had a million reasons - I was the oldest one there, they were making me gain weight too fast, I knew everything they were teaching me, it was depressing, I was sick of being on bedrest, it wasn’t fair, the staff sucked... on and on.

Nick was PISSED. He had finally reached a point where he couldn't do it anymore. He told me I was not allowed to come home. He said if I came home he would either move out or that he would file for divorce.

I was devastated. Nick had never done this before, he was never thrilled when I left treatment, but he also was a little happy to have me home and doing marginally better. I didn't know what to do or where to go, so I knew there was no escape, I had to go back to treatment. I chose a place near my family so I would a) have the support and b) if I stepped down I would have a place to stay. Nick made it clear I was not allowed home until I had put on a significant amount of weight and my treatment was onboard with a discharge from care.

I knew if I was going to save my marriage and get home, I had to at least stay long enough to be appropriately discharged. There was no escaping it. Also, this didn't happen until a little while after, but when Nick did ask for a divorce, it hit me that I had become my dad. My father has a lot of mental health issues and my mom stuck by him through the years. But at some point, he stopped being an active participant in his own care and health. My mom couldn't do it anymore and she left him. The quote, “watching someone drown in a puddle and all they need to do is stand up” comes to mind. She just couldn’t watch him refuse to stand up anymore.

It completely devastated him. I have always been afraid of becoming chronically mentally ill like my father and losing everyone in my life. By continuing to go in and out of treatment and cycle in and out of doing well enough to maintain relationships I was going to follow in the exact footsteps as my father. I see how miserable his life is and I continue to use that image to push to not listen to everything the eating disorder tells me.

3) I wanted my dogs back/needed to get out of where I was living - In May of 2015 (when I was in PHP and living at my mom's boyfriend's - his name is Don - house) Nick asked for a divorce. I was doing pretty well in treatment, still struggling and being non-compliant at times, but continuing to attend every day and slowly weight restore. I still don't know entirely when the scales (no pun intended) tipped, but they did. I don't know if Nick realized how much more peaceful his life was without the eating disorder or if he just didn't believe things would change. Regardless, he said he was going to file for divorce.

I went from "staying at Don's house" to living at Don's house in one phone call. To say I was devastated is an understatement. In fact, I am still devastated. I saw my parent's marriage end because my dad couldn't get sober and now I had done the same thing in my own marriage. I lost the person I was closest with because of the eating disorder. I guess, in a way, this was part of what kept me at treatment as well - the hope that I would get well and Nick would take me back. I still hope this will happen, but I know it won't. Anyhow, I digress.

Living at Don's house sucked. I was living with my mom again at age 32. I felt like such a failure. It wasn't even my mom's house I was staying at, it was her boyfriend's. It was not comfortable living there, it was awkward. It was awkward sharing a space with Don and his son who has a lot of anger issues. My bedroom was uncomfortable. I slept on a twin bed for the first time since I was a teenager and it was lopsided. It was out in rural NH and I hated that all my friends and anything to do was a quite a drive away. Everyone in the house smoked cigarettes and I hate the smell. But what I hated most was I was not allowed to have my dogs.

My dogs are the most important thing in the world to me. I love those little beasts so fucking much it hurts at times. And I hadn't seen them in 7 months. I absolutely needed to get myself out of that house and get my dogs back. However, I could not do this without a job. And I could not get a job while I was still struggling so much with eating and reliant upon the structured schedule PHP was providing for me. I made it my mission to get to a point where I could hold a job and get my own apartment. If I was going to stay well long term and not have to be re-hospitalized, I knew I had to give myself more cushion room in terms of weight gain than I ever have before.

4) Yoga - Yoga has become really trendy lately and with good reason. There are so many benefits to yoga that go far beyond the physical. For me, the primary thing I learned in yoga is that if you stay persistent, the uncomfortable gets more comfortable. And things that seem impossible become possible.

I have a very special relationship with avoidance and perfectionistic behaviors. I tend to avoid things I am not good at or not even try at all. I hate being uncomfortable. Like, no one likes being uncomfortable, but I have a particularly difficult time with it. Not being good at something and building the skills you need to get better is often very uncomfortable. I pretty much have always shied away from things that challenge me to the point of being uncomfortable. This is for a couple of reasons 1) I hate not being good at things 2) It doesn't seem worth my time if I suck 3) Getting better at things requires being uncomfortable at some point and I don't like it.

I often do not stick with things that I am not good at or require discomfort on my part. I will try to pick up a hobby and not be good at it and quit. Or I will try to get myself in better shape by trying to lift weights or run and it makes me feel discomfort, so I quit. Although I go to the gym every day, I will not do anything beyond walking because pushing myself physically is uncomfortable (though I will walk 7 miles in a go, I hate breaking a sweat). I don't like to eat because I have a nauseous stomach and that is uncomfortable. I don't like to try new things because the unknown is scary, so I avoid it. Basically, what I am saying is I never stick with anything long enough to see the discomfort dissipate and the rewards of tolerating the discomfort come through. i.e. weight restoration, facing fear foods, sitting with the feeling of food in my stomach, making choices about what to eat, physical activity, anything I am not immediately good at.

Yoga at first seemed like a thing to get into because I wasn't allowed to really exercise and at least it was some physical movement. I was so desperate to be able to move more that I didn't care that I wasn't very good at it. Also, I went to a gentle yoga studio and everyone there was so accepting and welcoming to people who were just getting into yoga. I kept going to yoga and I actually started to get better at it. I didn't feel any pressure to be getting better, but I began to see it happen anyway.

I started taking harder classes. I started to learn to breathe through the uncomfortable poses. That they would end and that next time I did them they would be easier. A friend of mine sent me a yoga sequence and it was hard. Like, an hour long with a million chaturangas (when you lower yourself like a pushup, into up dog and go back into downward dog). The first couple times I did it I couldn't do all the chaturangas, so I skipped a lot of them. But as I did it everyday, I was able to do more and more. Eventually, I could do the whole sequence and even the jump back from crow into chaturanga!

Committing to doing yoga every day was the first time I really stuck with something through the uncomfortable learning period and allowed myself to see the benefits of my practice. It started t make sense to me that other areas of my life could be similar to yoga - that if I didn't focus so much on the discomfort in the moment and rather on the fact that it would pass and I would be better for tolerating it that I would gain skills. I finally got that part of growing and evolving involves a certain amount of discomfort and acceptance that you won't see results right away. Yoga has taught me so much. To accept my limitations and also to push them, to breathe through discomfort, to not be so hard on myself, and that I am capable of growth and change.

Here is a great little blurb on Reddit about discomfort and yoga: https://www.reddit.com/r/yoga/comments/5hc0b2/yoga_has_taught_me_to_welcome_discomfort_into_my/ 5) I agreed to medications - I have always had a not so great relationship with medications. I have a ton of side effects and I just really don't like taking them. Over the years I have gone on and off medications so many times. I will take them for a while, go off them, fall apart, go back on them, not really get better, have side effects, go off them - you get the idea. Even when I found something that helped I would frequently go off it after a time because I really didn't want to be on meds.

I finally got desperate enough that I thought, hey, it improves my quality of life, fuck it. Even if the medications shorten my lifespan (worst-case scenario) then at least I had some years with decreased mental health issues. I started to really talk to a psychiatrist about finding something that worked. It was trial and error and took a little bit of time to find the right meds that a) helped and b) didn't cause horrible side effects. The two medications I am on certainly do not get rid of the obsessive thoughts or the anxiety, but they certainly make it way more manageable.

I don't feel as much like a prisoner of my brain or that my brain is a prison - either or. And I have remained compliant instead of being like, "oh things are better, I don't need these!" Because I do need them. I have a brain-based illness and I wouldn't turn down medications if I had any other disease of the body, so really this is no different.

6) I went slowly but surely - I stayed in treatment for a loooonnngggg time and took weight restoration pretty slowly. It sucked and I so wanted to get back to life, but every time I have done weight restoration the quick and dirty way in the past, it didn't stick. I would either leave treatment early because it was happening too fast and I was too uncomfortable. Or I would leave treatment and be unable to adjust to my new body and rapidly relapse. I knew I had to do things differently. I was very lucky I had good insurance and a treatment that was willing to work with me. Also, not lucky, but I have comorbid mental health issues (anxiety and OCD) that helped keep insurance covering me.

7) I gave up trying to eat intuitively - This is a big one too. I always thought that recovery looked like eating normally. For me, it doesn't look like what most people would classify as normal. It is very regimented and I eat a lot of very safe foods. And I used to think that meant I wasn't in recovery and why keep trying. I might as well go back to listening to what my brain tells me and not eat. I mean, if I couldn't eat normally, why even bother?

I decided to try something different than what is encouraged in treatment. I began to eat the same thing every day. The same exact thing at the same exact times. No matter how I felt. This helped me for many reasons 1) I got used to the foods I was eating and desensitized myself a little 2) It took the overwhelming choice of what to eat out of the equation. Deciding what to eat is really stressful for me and so I often avoid it. Eating the same thing every day meant I didn't have to make decisions 3) I could stop counting calories. If I eat the same exact thing every day there is no reason to count calories. I did at first but eventually seeing the same number every day seemed like a waste of time and unnecessary. 4) I am super routine, so once I get in the groove of something, I stick with it. Now even when I feel nauseous or I had a rough day and don't feel like eating or I am having an uncomfortable body image day I still eat at my scheduled times, because, well, routine. It is more uncomfortable for me to break my routine at this point than it is just to eat what I have eaten every day for 3 years.

I am not saying this is a great long term solution, but for people with chronic and severe anorexia, it is better than anything else I have found in managing a healthy weight. Like I said, maybe this is what recovery looks like for me right now. I hope it gets better in the future, but I am just happy to be participating in life.

8) I eliminated almost everyone I was in treatment with from my social media - Well, not everyone, but other people who were cycling in and out of treatment like I was. It just wasn’t healthy for me to see their posts. People would post how they were going back into treatment or pictures of them that were incredibly triggering. So, I didn’t want to see that anymore. It made me feel like there was no hope when I would see someone doing well no longer doing well. Or to see the constant treatment posts. Some people glorified being sick or seemed to take pride in how sick they would get or how much weight they had lost. It was just a world I needed to step back from. For me, I experienced a lot of competitive and self-destructive feelings when I would see people thinner/sicker than me. I would feel either a) I wasn’t really sick enough to need help and b) jealous they were thinner than me (I hate this part of the eating disorder and I am kind of ashamed to admit this here).

I also needed to build a community that wasn’t treatment based so I wouldn’t miss it. I grew strong relationships in treatment that I had a hard time finding in the real world. Treatment and the community within it didn’t consciously keep me ill, but when I wasn’t there and I would see group pictures. It made me feel as though I needed to go back to the safety and community of treatment. Again, I just needed to focus on something other than anorexia to escape the cyclical pattern I was in.

I certainly kept in touch with some people who continue to struggle, but these are the people I regularly talk to and have authentic, real friendships with - not people I just followed because we spent time in treatment together. It was sad to unfriend these people, but I just needed to build a life outside of treatment and to focus on my friendships that had nothing to do with eating disorders. It helped me regain an identity outside of anorexia. I needed to be exposed to normalcy around eating after being surrounded by people who struggled with food/weight/body image. I needed to start to have conversations outside of my obsession and dysfunctional relationship with food.

Anyway, that was long, but I hope there were some nuggets in there that helps someone. Thanks for sticking with me through to the end if you read this!

#treatment #anorexia #recovery #cannabis #ocd #anxiety #yoga #divorce #weight restoration #refeeding #distortion #discomfort #cognitive distortions #distress tolerance #eating disorders

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hookaroo · 6 years

Text

A Captain’s Heart (23 of 33?)

Chapter 1 Chapter 22

Rated T for language and graphic descriptions of injuries.

Also on FF.net: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12937105/1/A-Captain-s-Heart

Tagging @therooksshiningknight & @killian-whump by request :)

Marvel’s well-meant warning was not nearly enough to deter Killian from trying to get free. As soon as she was out of sight, his wrists were up by his mouth, the ropes between his teeth despite the ache from a heavily bruised jaw. For having had less than a fortnight’s practice with her hands, Marvel had managed frustratingly admirable knots. Long centuries of observing, it seemed, had taught her the theory, and a clever brain allowed her to replicate her memories.

The tangle of knots was out of range on the undersides of his arms, so Killian set to work trying to tighten all but one strand that encircled him. He hoped to find enough slack to slip his hand through: that would significantly simplify the rest of the process. No such luck, though. Despite Marvel’s concern for his well-being, she’d had no qualms against tightening the ropes too securely.

The most obvious course of action would be to slip his stump free from the brace. Then there would be enough room to free the other arm. But Killian hesitated. For one thing, the leather was concealing the increasingly-sore wrist’s end, controlling the bleeding and allowing him to pretend, for the most part, that nothing was wrong. The other thing, though, was the inevitable pain of the procedure, and he just wasn’t desperate enough to bring that upon himself. Yet.

He still had the ropes between his teeth when Marvel returned, carrying bandages and a glass of water. Her frown at his position was less angry than sad.

“Love, please,” she whined. “Just rest.”

“Not my forte,” Killian reminded her between tugs. She knelt beside him and grasped the knot. Sighing, Killian didn’t resist her as she pulled his arms downward.

“Your lovely Swan would ask the same.” She lifted the water glass and helped him to drink half.

“Were she here, we wouldn’t be in this predicament,” grimaced Killian. Another lash mark was opening up on his back, and it was growing progressively more uncomfortable to be resting against the wood, even through a pillow.

Marvel made no reply, resolute in her decision. She unhooked the remainder of his shirt’s buttons, then paused, at a loss. With a shrug, she pressed a large gauze pad over the saturated bandage covering his Excalibur wound, holding it in place with one hand while she unrolled a long linen strip with the other. Killian fidgeted uneasily, not thrilled with the idea of what she was intending to do.

“Marvel, darling, perhaps this isn’t-”

She slipped an arm around his side, then wormed it behind his lower back, below the ropes binding his torso. He snapped his jaw shut and hissed as she inadvertently brushed against several inflamed cuts. Killian arched his back as much as possible in an effort to allow her arm passage. Despite her caution, she also bumped his tender ribs, and he cringed away. Marvel winced right along with him.

“I’m sorry, dearest,” she murmured. As quickly as she could, she snagged one end of the linen and tugged it through. When she saw the streaks of blood on her arm as she pulled it out, she paled.

She could curse with the best of them, and it was almost enough to draw a chuckle from the anguished pirate.

Marvel tied a tight knot to hold the gauze in place, then straightened. She looked scared. “Your back. How bad is it?”

“The concern is probably less the severity, more the sheer number,” he grunted candidly.

“A flogging?” she guessed.

“More than one.”

“What should we do?”

“Assuming an immediate return to Emma is out of the question?” He raised a wry eyebrow and she nodded firmly. “Untying me would be a good start.”

Marvel looked thoughtful and completely ignored the suggestion. “Perhaps I could attempt to heal you. Her Holiness Eris may have taken away your natural ability to heal, but she said nothing of magic use by another.”

“Give it a go,” Killian told her, though he doubted it would work. It seemed too simple a solution for Eris to have overlooked it.

“Problem is… I haven’t the foggiest how to even begin.” She placed a hand over the short slash on his cheek. Maybe starting small would give her confidence. “How does your Swan manage?”

“I’m… a bit clueless, myself,” Killian admitted. “Something to do with emotion, I gather.”

Marvel made a face. “I’m not exactly an expert in emotion.”

But she closed her eyes, and after a moment, so did Killian. The pirate sat as still as he could for a long while; he didn’t wish to distract Marvel from her efforts, however unlikely she was to succeed. He would gladly take any relief from his multiplying pains, in whatever form it took.

With the human ship in such close proximity and distracted by a state of deep concentration, Killian could easily overpower her. Lift his tied hands over her head, manipulate the rope to block her airway. He had no wish to do so, of course, but his reluctance was arguably in a similar vein to her own motives: placing her well-being above those that could be harmed by Eris’ mischief. Wouldn’t it be hypocritical of him not to make the attempt?

The logic didn’t make it any easier to follow through, and his irritation with her earlier decision quickly faded. Why did the right path always have to be so damn difficult to take?

Just as Killian was bracing himself for the physical and emotional pain that would accompany his attack, Marvel suddenly lunged forward and locked her lips over his. Killian’s surprise chased away all thoughts of his plan. He sat stunned for several seconds, passive, with the unfamiliar and awkwardly unpracticed kiss happening to him but not with him. And then the shock dissipated and left him feeling only pity.

Gently, Killian turned his face aside and placed his hand on her midsection, pushing her away. She was immediately searching his face, chest, and shoulders.

“Marvel, what-”

“Did it work?” she asked, breathless.

“Work?” So thrown by the unexpected kiss that he was having trouble keeping up, Killian shook his head in bewilderment.

“You said True Love’s Kiss could reverse the curse. So, are you cured?”

Killian blinked at her. And in that instant, the cut from Gold’s cane, just below his left eyebrow, split and oozed blood down the corner of his eye. Marvel’s face fell.

“It didn’t work.” The crestfallen woman took a square of gauze and patted away the blood, and Killian’s heart ached for her. He couldn’t bring himself to explain the reason, the mechanics behind True Love’s Kiss. He didn’t doubt the sincerity on her part; the trouble was on his end. But even though he would only be speaking the truth, he just couldn’t remind Marvel that he didn’t love her. Not like that, anyway.

“Do you see now?” asked Marvel. Her tone was desperate, almost angry. “We can’t go back to Emma. She can’t help you. To save you, we must travel to the island. It’s the only way.”

“I don’t… it’s still…” He sighed. “Oh, love… it may be different. With Emma, I mean.”

She looked confused at first. Then her expression hardened as his meaning began to sink in. She got slowly to her feet, avoiding his gaze. “I ought to… confirm our heading. Please stay here.”

Killian closed his eyes and let his head sink back against the pillow. But he couldn’t escape the sadness he’d witnessed. The muting of her spirit, the dulling of her sparkle. From the moment he had truly accepted her identity, he had wished only contentment for her. He never wanted her to have to experience what a human life meant. How hard it was. And now here she was, in the thick of it. Absorbing blow after blow, while he sat powerless to protect her.

And unless he allowed her to turn over the damned potion to Eris, and the goddess removed the curse in thanks, Marvel would experience the hardest lesson of all: loss.

By the time Marvel returned, Killian had fallen into a light doze - the best he could manage with the methodical tearing of his flesh in different places every few moments. At first, he didn’t react to her kneeling beside him. But then he felt the ropes around his chest twitching, and he dragged a weary eye open.

“Decided to release me, did you?” His heart wasn’t really in the banter, but old habits. Marvel wouldn’t meet his gaze.

“I need to see your back.” The coils of rope gathered at hip level, still encircling the mast but significantly more loosely. “Perhaps you could turn and lean sort of sideways against the mast?”

Killian understood what she was asking, but questioned his ability to assume the position without significant pain. At the very least, the wriggling about would pull at the open wounds littering his skin, possibly hastening the curse’s effects. Gingerly, he shifted his weight more toward his left hip, then bent his knees slightly, inching his heels back until his feet rested flat against the deck. There he paused to catch his breath: the increased pressure against his back was agonizing, and every twitch of his abdominal muscles tugged at the searing Excalibur wound in his gut. It was still superficial, centimeters deep at most, but Killian harbored no illusions. As the curse continued to act upon him, the wound would follow its original course straight through him. Opening muscle, viscera, blood vessels… finally resulting in a chasm as fatal as the first. He could already feel the exit wound stinging, almost indistinguishable from the rest of the lacerations on his back. But Killian remembered. He could differentiate.

Wincing, he allowed his knees to topple to the left, at the same time twisting his upper body in short lurches until all of his weight rested against his left hip and shoulder. Marvel nodded encouragingly, unsure how else to provide assistance. Killian growled through an intense wave of pain that left him shuddering and nauseated. He fidgeted again in a vain effort to make himself more comfortable.

“This would be significantly easier if you were to untie my arms,” he panted, the flesh surrounding his eyes tight with pain. Marvel looked sympathetic but held to her resolve.

“I’m sorry, dear; you know I can’t do that.”

Killian centered his weight once more. “Ah. Well, in that case…”

His sudden lunge up onto his knees definitely took the woman by surprise. A second push hurtled him sideways toward Marvel. Lifting his bound arms, he reached for her, intending to wrestle her to the ground and force her to release him. Or maybe knock her senseless until he could regain control of the situation.

He didn’t anticipate the terrifying dip in vision resulting from his head wound. Or how much his equilibrium would be thrown off by blood loss. Or how stiff his joints were, how swollen his injuries, how diminished his capacity for movement. As Marvel ducked by instinct, Killian’s blow missed completely. He managed to vault most of the ropes piling around his lower legs, but that only meant he ended up sprawled on the deck, feet entangled, arms uselessly outstretched. The impact knocked the breath from him, ratcheted his anguish noticeably higher... but somehow didn’t cause him to lose consciousness altogether.

As Killian struggled to pull a breath, he was already writhing into a position more amenable to pushing himself up. But he kept slipping on the blood spattering the wood beneath him.

Marvel’s whine of consternation drove into his dazed brain. Killian pulled his arms inward, attempting to put at least one elbow beneath him. His blunted wrist sparked with agony as he rested weight on it. A quieter twinge in his shoulder echoed the sentiment.

Only seconds had gone by, and Killian felt as if he were trying to swim through honey. And breathe it, too; though his lungs burned, he could get no air. Halfway up on to his elbow, he felt a cool hand cover his eyes. His mind grew remarkably more muddled, his trembling muscles went limp. With one more thrash, Killian vented his frustration at the situation and then surrendered.

Marvel caught him just before he struck the wood again, and his eyes closed in magical slumber.

The next time Killian woke, it was to find himself in almost the same position as before: bound to the mast, more ropes than previously. Feet and legs secure. This time, though, his mummified right wrist was attached to his side by several coils of rope around his waist. Bandage linen extended over his hand, freezing his fingers into a fist and obstructing his ability to worry any of the knots loose. Wasted effort, really, given the reawakening wrist fracture that would seriously hinder such attempts anyway.

Killian couldn’t prevent a tiny groan at all of the pains trickling back into his awareness. Every one of them worse than before… and fated to grow worse still.

A gentle hand was holding his aching stump. Another blotted the raw end, ruthlessly removing blood and trying to assess the seriousness of the wound. Fighting his instinct to pull back from the tortures, Killian finally forced his eyes open.

The usual disorientation was not at all alleviated by how dark it had gotten. Had he slept the whole day away? That would infer that they had already been to the island and left. Blinking, Killian slowly tilted his head to get a better view of the sky.

Not dusk. Ash. A hazy plume blanketed the sun, swirling bits of pulverized rock looking like sand and bubbles caught in a breaking wave. And now that he could see it, he realized he could smell it, too. Sulfurous menace; boiling, burning rock; toxic filth not unlike the scent of the Underworld itself.

The next touch against his amputation had extra bite to it, and Killian jerked his arm back, hissing in pain. Marvel’s grasp faltered, but she didn’t release him completely.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly. Then she shifted her grip and once again extended his arm. Killian looked away. The sight had too many associated nightmares for him to stomach just then. As Marvel lay a gauze square over the bleeding scars, she added, “It must be difficult, reliving those horrible days. It hurts me, as well.”

Killian said nothing, only swallowed. She began winding another bandage around the stump in order to secure the dressing in place.

“I was so certain you would die. You made such awful noises that first night. And then later, when the fever set in and even Mister Smee was doubtful, and there was no medicine because we were already trapped in Neverland…” She tied the bandage neatly but did not release his arm, beginning instead a delicate massage of quivering muscles. “I wanted so badly to help, yet all I could do was try and remain gentle in my rocking while I prayed to all gods of the seas that you would live.”

At long last, Killian turned his face back toward her, meeting her melancholy gaze with his pained one.

“I would not have thanked you then,” he admitted. “But I do now.”

Marvel smiled softly and continued her comforting massage. “Would you have guessed, back then, how adept you would become at using the hook? How well you would adapt?”

Killian thought back to those first clumsy months and cringed; the memories were made all the more real by the myriad of accidental nicks in his skin - particularly his leg - reopening. “Not at first, no. But it does have its uses beyond the mere weapon I had intended it to be… When it hasn’t been confiscated by a mutinous sentient ship.”

He tilted his head meaningfully toward the discarded brace, as the actual hook was nowhere in sight. Marvel released his stump then, saying,

“I’ll return it after we’ve succeeded in our mission. Not before.”

Killian sighed, wracked by a sudden chill despite the almost-tropical heat in the air. “How much longer?”

Marvel looked past him to the island of their destination. “Less than an hour, I’d say. Are you cold?”

Killian gave a shake of his head, but the shivers in his jaw told a different story. Marvel quickly searched their surroundings and spotted his leather jacket, which had been discarded at some point - he couldn’t quite remember when. She hurried to collect it from its heap near the hatch.

“I could always retrieve a blanket from below, if this isn’t enough.” She returned and draped the leather backwards over his chest, tucking the lapels behind his shoulders. Too exhausted to do much beyond sit passively, Killian did not make any attempt to follow up on his earlier attack.

“Thank you,” he murmured. “And… apologies for earlier. You know I don’t want to hurt you, I just…” He trailed off. He’d made his position clear. She may not agree, but she must understand by now.

Marvel blotted blood from his forehead. “I know.”

Killian dug his blunted arm from beneath his jacket. Marvel had not yet bothered to secure the limb, and though its use caused all sorts of complaints from wrist to shoulder, the pirate appreciated that small bit of freedom. He gently but insistently pushed her arm away as he began to speak.

“I don’t demand or expect your loyalty, love. I can’t say that I even understand it. Long years together doesn’t necessarily equate to devotion.”

“Perhaps not. But a good captain does.”

“And that’s your honest assessment of me?”

“How could it be otherwise?”

With a grimace, Killian raised an eyebrow at her. “I traded you away. To bloody Blackbeard, of all people.”

Marvel shrugged. “And then got me back.”

“By chance, not through any persistence of my own.”

“Even so. You far outvalue that ridiculous oaf. Captain Blackbeard isn’t even deserving of the title. He hemorrhages crew and squanders his wealth, and is a pompous prat to boot.”

Killian managed a tiny smile, but it didn’t last. Earnest, he searched her eyes for any hint of falsehood. “Did he at least treat you well?”

Her response was noncommittal. “More or less. Mostly the bare minimum; the occasional extra care if he felt like throwing orders around. His sailing lacks all finesse, though. It’s a wonder I came through as unscathed as I did. Both times.”

“Thank the gods,” agreed Killian. He tucked his stump beneath the jacket again, wincing. “Well, rest assured, darling, you’re quite safe from that git now. Even if he was still in possession of a magic bean, he would have had to use it to flee Neverland.”

“Neverland?” She sounded both surprised and amused.

“Aye. Damn fool was trying to escape in a row boat, last I saw him.”

“That’ll never work,” she scoffed.

“Indeed not.”

Killian couldn’t bring himself to tell her that he would never regret the trade that had enabled him to bring Emma back.

Neither did he want to impart that the other pirate believed himself to be her rightful owner now. Again. He grimaced through another round of shivers, then said,

“Well, in terms of loyalty, you unquestionably have mine. Wholeheartedly. There will never be a vessel your equal, not even the ludicrous fire-eating contraptions in our adoptive home. And let me also add: I got the raw end of that deal. One measly bean is hardly worth even one of your lovely sails.”

Marvel grinned, pleased with his compliments. “Why, thank you, darling. But there’s no need for flattery. I already know my true value.”

She winked at him. Then, a low rumble in the distance drew her attention to the horizon, and she stood. “I should take a sounding. Are you comfortable enough?”

“I’ll survive,” Killian replied ironically. There was no guarantee of that, even if they did hand the potion over. Eris herself had admitted to her unpredictability. And if he was in rough shape now, he couldn't imagine his state after several more hours had elapsed.

Unaware of his pessimism, Marvel scurried away to attend to the business of sailing. And, left to his own devices, Killian could finally get to work on the plan that had been formulating in his mind ever since the first moment his jacket had been laid upon him. Poor Marvel - her act of compassion would turn out to be her downfall.

Of course, wiggling his sore and heavily bandaged stump into the pocket containing his rescued hook was far more easily imagined than accomplished. Especially without drawing attention to himself. Killian disguised his movements as attempts to seek a more comfortable position, complete with winces that were only slightly exaggerated. He eventually had to take the leather between his teeth in order to keep it from sliding down his shoulders; he also trapped the other edge between tied hand and torso. And then it was simply a matter of inching his way inside.

The pocket was just wide enough to accommodate the bandages, although the top layers were pulled back as his wrist slipped deeper. Through the lining, Killian could feel the hook’s outline against his ribs and used that as a guide. He would have to snag either tip or locking mechanism under a strip of linen and then draw it out without dislodging it.

Another booming rumble shook the mast; Killian was a tiny bit grateful that he couldn’t see the volcano ahead. It was sure to be an awesome and terrifying sight. The ash polluting the air had grown thicker, flakes and tendrils of char curling on the breeze, coating the deck, staining the sails. He thought of the toxic gases mentioned by Eris: how was one to know where the boundary lay? Whether the window of respite had truly begun? When they sailed past the point of no return and collapsed into a choking, dying heap?

The hook shifted in his pocket, resisting Killian’s efforts to catch it with a stray strip of linen. He cursed softly and pressed harder than he wanted to. A shock of pain from the aggravated nerves nearly convinced him to give up. The steel tip was positioned perilously close to the lacerated wrist, and he cringed at the thought of puncturing the throbbing flesh. But with extreme caution, he managed to tilt the weapon by degrees until it posed less of a threat, and then he inched his stump forward. Success. He could feel one strip of bandage tighten around his arm as the hook was pushed beneath. Killian added a slight twist of the wrist before attempting to withdraw it, hoping to add security to the captive hook.

Pulling his stump from the pocket was just as difficult and painful a process, especially once the steel neared the seam. Afraid it would catch and be pushed out of the bandage, Killian twisted his arm further, which set off explosions of pain in the old spear wound through his shoulder. Gritting his teeth, he forced himself to move slowly and patiently while maneuvering past the pocket’s opening.

His caution was rewarded. The hook slipped through the hole, one intense moment of pain occurring when the tip dug into his inner wrist, but he was fairly certain it did not break the skin. With a discreet glance at Marvel to be sure she was still distracted, Killian removed the rest of his arm from the pocket, hook dangling obediently from the wrapping. Casually, the pirate adjusted his arm until it disappeared beneath the jacket, then bent his elbow and rested his stump across his abdomen. There was just enough give in the rope securing his hand that he could reach up and retrieve the prized weapon. Even tied into a fist, even with a sore-as-hell wrist, his hand was strong and flexible, and he had no difficulty gripping the base of the hook between thumb and palm.

Killian let his head fall back and relaxed his shoulder, releasing a sigh of relief. More struggle lay ahead, but he believed the hardest part was over. Or… the hardest part of freeing himself, at least. What came after would be a different story.

AN: Decided to combine what used to be two chapters here so that we don’t end on an unconscious Killian AGAIN :P So if you noticed a change in estimated chapter count, that’s why!

#ouat fanfiction #killian jones #the jolly roger #bandages #escape attempts #a captain's heart

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lovemesomesurveys · 6 years

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1. Have you ever gone somewhere/done something in hopes of running into someone there? Similarly, have you ever avoided going somewhere because you DIDN’T want to run into someone there? I’ve definitely avoided somewhere because I didn’t want to run into someone there. As for the other, it’s more like I was secretly hoping he was coming along. We shared a mutual friend and I always hoped she had invited him along whenever we hung out. 2. What’s something you’ve initially disliked, but ended up liking? Hm. That’s happened with music and some artists. 3. If you’re interested in having a long term relationship with someone, do you think that waiting a certain amount of time before you first have sex is a good idea? Or does it not matter? It matters to me. There isn’t a specific amount of time to wait, it’s just when I feel ready and we’re in a committed relationship. I want to be in love with the person.

4. Have you ever discovered something big by looking through someone’s phone, Facebook, email, etc.? Yes. You’re reminded why it’s best not to snoop because you might find something you won’t like. 5. Have you kept anything from your past relationships? (Things they left at your house, gifts, notes, etc) Do you think that’s a big deal for future relationships or not? I have some drawings/doodles that he did, but otherwise that’s it.

6. Do you have any financial regrets? Either way, what’s an example of a GOOD financial decision you’ve made? My credit debt. :/ 7. Have you or would you ever date (or “hook up” with) someone who you see on a regular basis? (Coworker, neighbor, doctor, etc.) I’m not interested in a hook up. At almost 30 years old and never really experiencing one, I want a serious relationship. 8. Do you act differently around certain people? How so? (Not in a “fake” way) I’m just more comfortable around certain people than other people. Like, with some people I’m a little more quiet and reserved. 9. What would you do if you were on a date with someone, they came to your house for something, and when you came back in the room they were completely naked? Would your answer differ if you found them attractive and really liked them? I would be surprised and just kinda awkwardly life and be like, uhh what’s going on? lol. It would certainly catch me off guard. 10. What did you do to prepare for your last job interview? How did it go? I haven’t had one. 11. Do you think it’s a good idea for kids’ sports teams to not keep score, or do you think that’s going overboard in trying to show sensitivity? I mean, it’s not preparing them for anything if they plan on playing any sports as they get older. I think for the most part kids are just interested in playing and care less about the score at a young age, but *shrug* what do I know. 12. Have you ever lost something of sentimental value to you? Yes. 13. What’s an example of something you like or are good at that people don’t typically expect from members of your sex? I can’t think of anything I’m good at--period. 13. Name a movie that you dislike but everyone else seems to love. Why do you dislike it? It’s not that I dislike it because I haven’t even seen it, but a lot of people are usually quite surprised when I say I haven’t seen The Notebook. I haven’t really had any desire to see it. 14. Do you have a give away for when you’re lying? I don’t know. 15. Are you good at compromising or are you more of a “my way or the highway” kind of person? I like to try and compromise. 16. Do you know any couples who sleep in separate beds? Do you think that if a couple makes that decision, they will eventually break up/divorce? My grandparents do. 17. Have you ever had a horrible boss or teacher? Did you ever confront them about it? I had two really bitchy professors while at community college. They were both math teachers, too. 18. Does it usually take awhile for you to completely come to terms with your emotions after something big happens or do you let it all out right away? Uhh I mean a bit of both? I react initially, but I harp on it for a long time. 19. What’s something good and something bad that’s happened to you after 2 AM? Uhh. Nothing bad or good that I can think of. 20. Is Thanksgiving an important holiday to you? Who did you spend last Thanksgiving with? I enjoy spending time with family over delicious food. 21. How far into your current (or last) relationship did you start thinking about your future with that person? Meh. 22. Are you a believer in “signs” from the Universe about things in your life? If you are, can you think of a particular example? Well, I believe in God. 23. Name some things that one or both of your parents are really good at or really interested in. My mom loves to read and watch crime TV shows. My dad loves his sports, especially NASCAR. 24. Think of a good friend of the opposite sex (currently or in the past). Have you ever had any sort of “more than a friend” or sexual thoughts about them? If not, can you explain why? I don’t have any friends of the opposite sex. 25. If someone told you that you would never achieve something and you ended up doing it, would you have any interest in finding that person and showing them? Ehhh at that point it wouldn’t even matter. 26. What are some names that you think of as “stripper names”? *shrug* 27. In your opinion, in a relationship what’s the difference between “good crazy” and “bad crazy”? Uhh. 28. Have you ever asked someone if they loved you? What was the context of the situation? Yeah, but it was jokingly. I already knew the answer (yes). 29. Would it be endearing or bothersome to you if your significant other lied and did something really sneaky in order to plan something special for you (like a proposal)? If it ended up being for something good then I’d be able to look past it because they weren’t actually doing anything bad like I may have thought they were. 30. What is the most jealousy-induced thing you’ve ever done? Eh, stupid little petty things. 31. Have you ever felt homesick before? What sparked that feeling? I’m always home, so. ha.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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itsjulesharper · 6 years

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When we left our intrepid characters, Philippe had stupidly and against all sense, charged off on his own, in the night, without guards (yeah, this would never happen) to the Bastille to find out who this mysterious Duc de Sullun is. And promptly got hit on the nopper. Louis meanwhile, thinks he is hot shit because of all the awesome lights and running water he’s given to his people. JUST LOVE MEEEEEE.

So somehow, Philippe has made it back home to bed, and Liselotte is leaning over him while he is disorientated and half-awake. He looks awful. Bontemps is heard saying, “nothing to worry about, your Highness.” (WRONG form of address – should be ‘your royal Highness’. And so it starts.) Did Bontemps clonk Philippe? Of course, he was acting all forms of suspicious last ep, so he was most obvs. there to swoop in and bring Philippe back. Can’t have a royal prince of France just getting all KILLED without a guard or backup or anything, can we?? Anyways, the doctor says he has a mild concussion and Bontemps adds, “caused no doubt, by the fall.” WHAT FALL. So this is the narrative being spun by suspect Bontemps, eh? “I didn’t fall, ” mumbles Philippe. “I was hit.” There is blood on the pillow and the camera focus goes from clear to fuzzy then back again and everyone is concerned and I am concerned that they keep calling him YOUR HIGHNESS FFS. Philippe wants to talk to his brother but Liselotte says he’s not going anywhere. Philippe mumbles stuff about ‘the mask’ and Bontemps looks quite a bit shitty while Liselotte is all confused and Philippe goes on: “his eyes… one of the prisoners… was wearing a mask.” Bontemps tells the doctor to ensure he gets the rest he needs, Philippe finally falls asleep and we are into the intro.

In the gardens, and Louis and Leopold are in a frantic battle of swords, with lots of clanging and thrusting and grunting and moving about. Leopold finally elbows Louis in the face and draws blood, and Louis looks quite shocked. Bontemps makes a step forward but Marchal puts a hand on his shoulder. Not yet. Louis gives Leopold a look, wipes his nose and turns away… but Leopold advances and Louis whirls, blocking the thrust and they continue to clash. Louis lands a blow on the other man’s kidneys and he advances again before a breath can be caught. They grapple and struggle and in the struggle, Leopold manages to disarm Louis, taking both swords. Louis is shocked and angry (as you would be) and we hear the tiniest sound of a blade being drawn, then see Marchal step forward as he slides his dagger from his belt *heart eyes*. Leopold takes a breath then lowers both swords, his point proven. Bontemps says loftily, “It is customary for the king’s adversary to bow after the fight.” Leopold, looking sweaty and spent, answers: “In Austria it is customary for the loser to bow.” Bontemps ain’t havin’ any of that: “This is not Austria, your Majesty. This is Versailles.” (Not YOUR MAJESTY, UGGGGH). There’s a bit of a Mexican standoff and we see shitty Bontemps, mouth breathing Louis, Leopold looking from every face and gauging the mood and how much he can get away with. Finally he inclines his head (not at ALL like a proper bow) And offers Louis’ sword back. Louis takes it in silence.

And next scene we are walking back into Versailles. Louis says, “a clever ploy. A vicious attack hidden behind a show of weakness.” Leopold replies, “History remembers the winner, not the manner of his victory.” Ah, so now we are on the subject of winners, and Louis says it is time to enter negotiations. Leopold received word from Rome and they ‘look favourably on your guardianship of Strasbourg and Luxembourg.’ Louis is pleased and now wants to discuss Spain. Sure, your Majesty go right ahead, because I am taken by the lovely staircase and marble everywhere. Ahhhh, now they are talking about their ‘deal’ – on King Charles of Spain’s death, they split the spoils. Louis replies that much has changed since that deal. Leopold is all ‘such as?’ and Louis leans in and says tightly, “I won the war.” Before Leopold can reply, the queen floats down the stairs, asking who won. Of course she is talking about the duel, and Leopold says “His Majesty was kind enough to allow me victory.” The queen is concerned for Louis’ bloody nose, but he’s ‘meh, it’s nothing’ about it. Her gaze darts from Leopold to Louis, then back again and Louis picks up on the weirdness, saying that she seems…. “tired.” Huh. Not what I would’ve gone with, but there you go. Nothing that can’t be remedied by a walk in the gardens, it seems. And just look at Leopold – a ‘yeah, I shagged you last night and it was goooood’ expression if ever I saw one.

how you doin’?

The queen looks flustered, bobs a curtsey and hurries down the steps, and Louis does not see her or her lady’s smiles as they float off. Leopold turns to Louis: “how much of Spain do you want?” Louis answers tightly, “All of it,” then continues up the stairs. Leopold sighs, glances back down to the queen in the distance then goes on his way.

*historical note: Louis did indeed demand Spain as part of his wife’s dowry because at the time, he knew Spain could not pay the monies he wanted and so, the ‘we give you money in exchange for the ‘not challenging the throne of Spain” agreement was forfeit. It was also expected that King Charles of Spain (the queen’s brother and also in possession of the mighty Hapsburg jaw) wouldn’t live very long. He surprised them all by living until he was nearly thirty-nine. He was born in 1661, a year after his sister Marie-Therese was married to Louis and so was living in France. She was 22.

that art on the wall – lulz.

so pretteh….

We are back with Philippe, and he is finally on his feet, shuffling along and holding his head but still in a daze. He goes into one of Louis’ private salons and Louis and Bontemps are there, Louis telling him he really should be in bed. Dazed and confused, he sits, and Bontemps butts in with his prepared standard line – that Philippe had ‘an unfortunate accident.’ But nuh-uh Philippe is not here for that mansplaining shit. But Bontemps is really invested in this, even going so far as to say that he spoke with the governor who assured him that Philippe SLIPPED AND FELL. Nup. Philippe calls bullshit on that, saying he went to the Bastille to see the prisoner, then was struck, and that the prisoner wore a mask of iron. And I must say, Louis is rather calm after hearing a prince of France not only went to the Bastille ALONE and without guards, but was hit. He says he was told that the prisoner’s real name was Macquart. Philippe is confused and now we hear the lie Bontemps has settled on – the prisoner is a petty criminal and of unsound mind, believing himself to be an actual duke, so the guards gave him the title of le duc de Sullun to appease him. But why that name? Apparently, ‘Sullun’ is latin – the reverse of ‘nullus’, meaning ‘no one’. And the man in the iron mask does not exist, Louis explains, and it is all in Philippe’s head. Bontemps watches them both in silence but his expression is not quite right but I am suddenly distracted by what Louis is wearing. Look at it! Louis tells Philippe to go back to bed and the scene becomes blurry.

We are back in the gardens and Leopold is striding around, obvs looking for the queen to remind her of teh sexytimes they both had. How indiscreet of him. He finds her nervously undercover of some trees and does his best alpha male impression by silently going over to her, cupping her face and going in for a neck snog. The queen doth protest, overcome by some late shyness/modesty/guilt/loyalty I suppose. Why not? Leopold asks. “You will soon be gone,” she softly replies. Oh, okay. “It will only increase the pain of your departure,” she adds when he wants to just snog it out and enjoy each other. He looks frustrated, asks if he can trust her, that he needs her help. “Your husband is trying to destroy the dynasty that our ancestors have spent six hundred years creating. He will claim all of Spain on your brother’s death. The Hapsburgs will soon be extinct.” The queen is concerned and wants to know what he intends to do about it. “I will stop him.” But how? Oh, apparently his niece Eleanor will marry the queen’s brother, Charles. Plus he wants the queen to write a letter to her brother recommending the union. The queen asks why she should help him, so he plays the “you are a Hapsburg” card, plus the ‘your husband just wanted you for political stuffs, not you as a woman’ guilt trip. Wheeee. He rubs it right in: “He abandoned you the day he married you. Since then, his only gifts have been solitude and infidelity.” The scene cuts to the queen with parchment and quill, thinking what to write, then goes back to them in the garden where they finally kiss WHERE ANYONE CAN SEE THIS, and we have three close-ups of the queen’s ruby ring and THIS IS SIGNIFICANT so take note of it. The queen’s voiceover is then heard: “My dear brother Charles. I am writing to you concerning marriage…”

*Historical note: they mess up the real time lines so much it makes my head spin. Charles of Spain married in 1679 at the age of eighteen to …..SPOILER!!!! Philippe’s favourite daughter, Marie-Louise. She was 17. Can you see how confused I am – are we in 1679? Or 1674 because baby Philippe was born then? Or 1667, when the street lights were first on? Or…. …..SPOILER!!!! 1683 when the queen dies? UGH. FRUSTRATED. 😫

Now back in the salons and we hear the Chevalier holding court, saying “they say that at Villarceaux she spent her nights on her back in bliss, and her days on her knees in penance.” Chortle, chortle. “If you want my opinion – and I’m sure you do-” He suddenly is cut short by the appearance of Maintenon in the doorway, Delphine beside her, and he skilfully changes with subject with “the question is… what colour for the forthcoming season? Blue or green?” The two women blithely stroll and mingle while everyone gossips (CHAIRS WITH ARMS NOOOOO 😡😡) and I’m loving the look of that dark-haired noble behind Liselotte. So very mysterious. We follow Maintenon, and suddenly we see Louis’ last bedmate gossiping with the other demoiselles, saying “behind that air of prudishness, she’s quite the slut. And the next time I see the king, I’ve a good mind to tell him about it.” Silly chit. We know how this is gonna end, don’t we? (but also – look at those gowns!!) And look at this screen cap, which I loooove. Look at the demoiselle’s expression over her shoulder. And the two messieurs behind Delphine, just waiting for a scene.

Delphine is at a loss as to who everyone is talking about, and is shocked when Maintenon confirms she is the subject of all the gossip. Of course there’s no truth to the rumours, she assures Delphine, then excuses herself. She glides, head held high, out the doors and then leans against the stone wall, taking unsteady breaths. The camera pans around and Bontemps appears. “her ladyship seems upset.” (WAT LULZ. Not the correct way to address a marquise, ffs……) “Tell me, Bontemps,” she starts a little out of breath. “Do you consider it the mark of nobility to destroy a lady’s reputation with sordid gossip and lies?” errr…. no. Bontemps looks a bit out of his depth. She nods. “Neither do I.” And she floats off. So now Bontemps is all het up and goes into the salon, all curious-like. He looks a bit shitty as he sees the gossip girl laughing with her gossip friends and then the scene cuts back to Maintenon, who appears to be stomping about and looking for someone. Ahhh. Madame de Montespan. Montespan greets her politely but Maintenon gets right into it, accusing her of being behind the rumours. Montespan claims her innocence – “Why would I do such a thing?” – and Maintenon comes back with the old and favourite ‘you’re just jealous’. Montespan finds that amusing, says it is the other way around, that she was ready to risk everything, while Maintenon is not. And then… ahahahhhhhaaaaaa! She says, “is it true you put other women in his bed?” And I LAUGH AND LAUGH because as I mentioned in Ep1, this is what the real Montespan did, and the real Maintenon tried her earnest to keep women OUT of Louis’ bed because of all the sinning and stuffs. Well, apparently the king has needs that must be satisfied and these women mean nothing to him, says Maintenon with much conviction. Yeah, but nup. Montespan has her number, can see the other woman is scared. Of what? “Of your own passion. You are scared that if you give in to it, you will lose control. You take refuge in piety and denial but behind the mask you’re just screaming with pain.”

Next scene – Leopold is studying paperwork in his rooms with his Austrian Bontemps, niece Eleanor reading a book in the corner, and he is told King Charles is expecting their imminent arrival. How is Leopold going to approach the negotiations, his Austemps asks. The same as Louis – “Lie, haggle, concede, coerce, protest…. and smile.” When his man reminds Leopold the king is dangerous and starts to offer advice, Leopold gets a bit shitty. He does not need advice: “This is a game of cards. The prize is Spain and I have the trump card.” DISMISSED, AUSTEMPS.

Right, so Louis enters the small prayer room where Maintenon has perched her carcass. Again. She turns. Louis is shitty. “There is talk in the salon.” Oh, I’ll bet there is. He wants to know if there is any truth in it. “No, Sire. It is scurrilous gossip designed to destroy my reputation.” DEAR LORD, MAINTENON. You could’ve come clean. He was offering you the prime opportunity to tell him all about it. And so you LIE, knowing how he feels about liars. *headdesk* Louis is annoyed because it also damages his reputation. Maintenon kisses ass: “The king must know he has my total trust. I only pray I have his.” Right-o, sowing the seeds for when she finally does tell the truth, then. He gives her a look then says, “come with me.”

Back in Leopold’s rooms and Eleanor wants to go to the salons. “No, you will stay here and practice your embroidery.” (Lulz) “Embroidery is for spinsters.”😆 He gives her a champion side eye – she needs to show a little more humility and respect… oh, and befriend the queen. Eleanor isn’t impressed – the queen seems dull to her. She’s a Habsburg, dammit. And you will talk to her about Spain. Ugh. Srsly. How boring. Eleanor seems lovely and bouncy like a teenager often is, looking for fun and excitement. But Leopold doesn’t care for that: “You are only here because I have a use for you.” Eleanor looks shitty, as would I. “Yes, Uncle.”

Bontemps doing his now-standard shitty look.

Right-o, so Louis enters the salon after Bontemps announces him, and everyone stops gossiping and playing cards and does the usual stand/bow/curtsey. He looks shitty, and Maintenon behind him looks apprehensive, and then he announces “To lie is a sin. To slander is a sin. To seek to destroy someone through unfounded gossip is a sin. A woman close to me who does great honour to this court has seen her reputation stained by the poison of gossip. In harming her, you harm your king. This will stop. Now.” The camera pans to Maintenon, then to the Gossip Girl as Louis turns to look at her and – we learn her name is Mademoiselle de Vasseur – tells her she is no longer welcome at Versailles. The camera pans to a few faces: the shocked and controlled-panicky Vasseur, Maintenon who follows Louis as he leaves, Liselotte with a tight expression, Montespan as Vasseur rushes from the room while whispers start. Liselotte approaches Montespan, says the girl is innocent. Montespan: Nobody here is innocent. Liselotte: You started those rumours. Montespan: They’re not rumours, they’re true. She deserves to be punished for her past, just as I was.

Liselotte leaves while Bontemps gives Montespan the most shittiest look eva.

The music swells (LOOOOOVE the music!) and we are outside, in the coeur d’honneur following a hooded female figure all the way up to the guards who cross their weapons and TAH-DA it is the return of Sophie! “I think you’d probably better arrest me.”

Scene cut to Marchal walking through to his office dungeon, and he gives a sigh, turns and sees Sophie standing there. Then a conversation is had about where she’s been (Holland) and why she was there (Thomas told her) and what she is doing now (being a double agent, apparently. Working for William of Orange as a spy but telling Marchal all about it). Marchal looks rather intimidating, circling her and meeting her eyes and getting very close, but Sophie looks very cool and calm. Now they are both before Louis and he is all “A spy. Here at Versailles.” She spins her story, saying she refused to spy, that she was not suited, that she then escaped by seducing the guard then taking refuge in convents and taverns on the way home. Huh. A likely story. Louis is a bit shitty at the thought of her wanting to reclaim her title and fortune (Cassel’s fortune), and Sophie is all “I place myself at your mercy, sire.” Louis is not fooled. “Lock her up.” Sophie plays her trump card, blurting out that William of Orange’s army is on the march, 10,000 men headed to Austria to support Emperor Leopold. Louis’ WTF face is so funny 😄 Interesting that Sophie gives up some info to ‘prove’ her innocence, yet that info can’t immediately be confirmed or denied. Of course, Marchal is gonna make enquiries to confirm it and meanwhile she remains locked up.

We are back with Philippe, who is fully dressed on the bed, contemplating…. something. He slowly sits up and with a determined look, heads to see Louis. Bontemps looks surprised to see him, says the doctor was most insistent. “He is no longer my doctor. And I know what I saw.” Bontemps looks worried as Philippe continues on, and Bontemps strides off to see a guard, instructing him to go to the stables and prepare a horse and messenger to leave immediately for Rome.

The queen is teaching Eleanor Spanish in the queen’s rooms as they play cards, the younger girl asking questions about “the king, your brother” saying she must miss him and I am UGH NO HE WAS BORN IN 1661, A YEAR AFTER SHE LEFT SPAIN TO MARRY LOUIS. The queen is coolly “yes, I miss him terribly,” (reminder: MARRIED) and she has his portrait to remind her of him (the original was painted by Claudio Coello). Eleanor is holding back the ewwww when the queen says “it’s not his fault he was born that way. As you can imagine, he suffers, but he has a noble heart.” Eleanor is so not impressed.

*historical note: Charles of Spain was the last of the Hapsburgs and had a shit load of physical and mental challenges, due to a history of consanguineous unions (uncles marrying nieces, cousins to cousins. Louis and the queen were actually first cousins, as their parents were brother and sister) . If you are interested in reading more about the doomed Hapsburg dynasty there was a fascinating study done in 2009 in science journal PLOS One on the role of inbreeding in the European royal dynasty here.

Leopold does not like what Louis proposes for their negotiations. “If you claim all of Spain and its territories you will trigger a war with every country in Europe!” Louis is not deterred, because yo, he has won one war and his army is well-prepared for another. Leopold is mucho angry: it would be a war without end. “I want what is mine,” Louis replies. “You think everything is yours,” is Leopold’s reply. Louis is all casual-like: “What will you do if the Turks advance on Vienna? Hope it rains? Or are you counting on the rabble that is William of Orange’s army?” Leopold’s expression is ‘uh-oh’ as Louis delivers his persuasive argument – “the only person who can protect you is me.” But Leopold says that the pope will never approve of giving Spain to Louis. More negotiations – Louis says he’ll only take 80%, Leopold says ‘nup, nuh-uh.’ Better start Turkish lessons, then.

Next scene…. Philippe riding ALONE through the woods and minus any guard or escort. I am wondering if this horrid oversight of what it actually means to be a prince of France is deliberately ignored in order to show the viewer that he is very bad-ass and fiery and will do whatever TF he wants. But it backfires on this viewer. It is stupid. We see a nice shot of the Bastille and then we are inside, where Philippe is talking to the head guard and we learn that the dude in the room that Philippe said contained the Iron Mask Man has cut his wrists. We see this dude – Macquart – obvs dead, face down on the desk and with blood on the floor. Philippe lifts up the dead man’s head, and he knows it is not the one who was originally there. We cut to the jailer, who is looking just a wee bit nervous, then Philippe asks “Who struck me?” but the jailer is still going with the ‘slipped and fell’ defence and Philippe is not happy about that. He also says the dead man wore a mask of iron….aaaaand the jailer is all confused and “Your Highness, there is no prisoner wearing such a thing,” which we all know is total bullshit because we have seen it all with our own eyes. The body is removed, the jailer bows and Philippe is left standing in the room looking a bit frustrated and sighing mightily. Then he spots the words “KILL ME” carved in the stone wall. He turns and walks out, past a ranty and smelly-looking poor sod in a cage outside. Philippe pauses with a brief sad smile, does the whole “Do you know who I am?” to which the ranty dude says “I know you better than you know yourself.” then it sounds like he says “Philippe of Gutter and Arsewipe and Good Dung.” My French subs say “of gutter and dung” which is about right. Philippe is amused, asks if he knew of the (now dead) man in the cell. “Everybody knows him, nobody knows him, if you know what I am saying. Don’t look him in the eyes, he’ll eat you up.” Is he still alive? Philippe wants to know. Dude gets a bit angry: “he’s undead! You can’t kill him!” But Philippe is also angry and all “did he wear a mask?!!” Ranty Man sticks to his story: “He will kill you with his eyes!” and then we hear other noises and Philippe has had enough, striding out as Ranty Man finishes with “Cain, brother of Abel. Two brothers drenched in blood and cursed forever!” which is pretty much a dead giveaway to what is to come.

Right, so back in the gardens of Versailles and…. okay, the Chevalier is strolling arm-in-arm with Liselotte, while two servants walk behind with the baby, looking all cosy as a couple. Also WEIRD AF because historically those two hated each other at this stage, only calling a truce much later in life when everyone was older and (I guess) tired of fighting about shit. Maintenon bows her head at Liselotte’s greeting and she asks to admire the petit prince and everyone smiles and looks on adoringly. Then Maintenon looks all concerned and serious and I know some shit is gonna go down because she is Maintenon the cow and knows Liselotte was part of the rumour spreading. “If I may. I don’t mean to seem impertinent, but I think you are making a grave mistake by keeping him here.”

baby Philippe ahhhhh!

WAT.

The Chevalier gives Liselotte a look, and Liselotte is all calm and “is that so?” Maintenon replies: “Well, it is not the right environment for a child.” (and I laugh and laugh because LOUIS HAS ALL HIS KIDS THERE, and for fucksake, if it is good enough for HIS HEIRS then it is good enough for everyone else!) Liselotte, comes back with a polite fuckyou:

Kindly shut the fuck up.

Liselotte: May I ask what gives you the right to tell me how to look after my child? Maintenon: I was a governess. Liselotte: Yet never a mother. Maintenon: (expression a bit tight) Alas, no. Liselotte: You’d think one of your many lovers would solve that problem. Maintenon: (after a pause) It would seem your reputation for honesty and integrity is ill-deserved.

Then Maintenon flies off on her broom glides away while the Chevalier smacks his lips and says “well, that went well,” and Liselotte is much disturbed by what just transpired. (Narrator: As well she should. Much wtfuckery is about to explode. EXPLODE, I TELL YOU! 😡)

We are back with Louis and his ministers, and Colbert is flicking annoyedly through the pages of a ledger, saying that their monies to finance their expansion into the Americas and to fortify their borders will add another two million to the deficit. UUUUGH. More pesky money talk and Louis can’t quite believe that he doesn’t have an endless pit of money to allow him to run the country as he sees fit. (Sames, Louis, sames) He demands that his people respect the law i.e. pay the taxes they simply cannot afford. So begins the rise of Tyrant Louis in all his splendour, setting the stage for an obvious revolt later on. Colbert is annoyed and frustrated. Then Bontemps enters and says he’s discovered the source of the Maintenon rumours. Louis knows without Bontemps confirming: “bring her to me.”

We are back in Paris, with Guillaume and Jeanne in their eh-by-gum Yorkshire workshop where they are stressing about taxes. G thinks his workers are just being slackers, and demands to know who hasn’t paid their taxes because his is an upstanding, law abiding citizen. Some workers say they haven’t – they don’t like the hike: “the king’s gone too far.” Thus ensues a resigned exchange: “if you want us to pay more taxes, give us more money.” “If I pay you more money, the business will fold.” “Whether we work or not, most of us are gonna die in rags and poverty.”

Back at Versailles and we have a stunning-looking Montespan going before Louis. His back is turned, Bontemps says “there is a piece of paper on the table. You will read it aloud then sign it.” So with great trepidation she reads: “I, the Marquise de Montespan, do hereby renounce and relinquish my place at the court of Versailles. I pledge to sever all contact with anyone I may know at the palace and will take no further part in court life. I shall devote the rest of my days to prayer and charitable work. I have sinned and I accept my penance.” She signs as Bontemps tells her her affairs are in order, and a carriage will take her to the convent of Sainte Ursule, never return to court. Montespan is clearly shaken, says, “a condemned normally has a right to a last word before being led away.” Louis does not turn around as she begins: “where I once saw the warm face of a man, I now see the stone face of a tyrant. You treat those around you like slaves and you place yourself beyond mortal sway. But remember the story of Icarus – fly to close to the sun and you will fall and drown.”

Bontemps always seems to be in a state of shitty side-eyes

There is a pause: Louis looks so very shitty, like a petulant child suffering a parental scolding. Finally he says (still not turning around), “the dance is over. Go.” And so Montespan leaves. Louis says to Bontemps, “In time I will forgive her. But I will never forget.” And there we have it. The end of Montespan’s reign. We see her in slo-mo through the corridors, music swelling as she makes her final walk past the courtiers, her face a mask of tight control. Maintenon watches her go then turns on her heel, slo-mo walking towards the camera that smug, nasty little witch.

*Historical note: Montespan did indeed leave Versailles for a convent but it happened over time. First she was moved to a less favourable apartment in 1685, then in 1687 Louis changed his visiting times. She was consoled from this fall from favour by seeing her children married off well, then in 1691 she finally left court to the convent Saint-Joseph in Paris’ Rue de Saint-Dominique, where Louis allocated her an allowance of 500,000 francs. You can read more about her here.

The scene cuts to Maintenon in her rooms, now lounging nekkid in the bath, and Louis the creeper is watching her through the gap in the door. She stands, wraps herself in a sheet and is surprised to see Louis in the shadows. She wants to know how long he’s been there, and he acts like a teenager, kind of stuttering and getting her robe. Right. They stand before a glorious mirror, and she thanks him for what he said in the salons, in defence of her honour. (what honour UUUUGH) and then he goes in for a snog and she is more than willing to let him, even as she whispers “Please don’t. I can’t.” More snogging, a bit of va-jay-jay grabbing, which seems to snap her out of it, breaking away and hissing, “Enough. His majesty takes advantage of his station.” ?????? WTF. Louis is angry: “sometimes I don’t know what my station is with you.” And Maintenon is all “I would ask you to leave.” He does in a mighty huff but she stops him with an offering: “The Marquise de Quincy awaits his majesty in his room.” Nice pimpin’ there, Maintenon. Louis turns and storms off, while Maintenon sits and looks a bit stressed but most def. does not cry as you would expect one would when you send the man you love INTO ANOTHER WOMAN’S BED.

And there Louis is, entering his room as a pretty marquise obediently sits on his bed and removes her robe. Louis’ expression is all ‘ugh’ and quite a bit shitty but hey, lets not allow feelings and stuffs to get in the way of a tumble in the sheets, eh?

Meanwhile, Leopold is in his room, quaffing from that FABULOUS GLASSWARE, and his door slowly opens to reveal the queen. And so they engage in some shagging after she tells him she wrote the letter.

Louis stands and stares melancholic from his window as Bontemps enters, and he bids his servant to come join him a moment. He is in a mood: “Everyone looks at a king and says ‘I would give anything to be in his place. All he wants is his.’ But they see only the surface. They see nothing of the shadows below.” Bontemps: “No one has all he wants, sire. Not even a king.” Louis replies cryptically, “From the darkest shadow springs the brightest light.”

A shot of the fountain now and is it daybreak or sunset? We follow Marchal walking a dingy corridor with keys, leading us to Sophie in a cell. Has he come to torture her? “My men have checked every detail of your journey from Holland. It seems you are telling the truth.” And so, the king has given permission for her release. “You are once again, the duchesse de Cassel.” Yeah, but nah. Marchal still does not trust her and I am on his side with that. Something just seems off with it all. “You may be free,” Marchal drawls, “but whatever you do, whoever you talk to, wherever you go, I’ll be watching you.” Sophie casually walks past him, looking a little flirty. “Even when I return to my chambers?” Marchal watches her go with a suspicious eye and I am all OKAY THEN.

We are in the chambers of Liselotte, where she is cooing over baby Philippe’s cot. Look at her face! What a lovely domestic motherly scene. PITY IF SOMETHING WERE TO HAPPEN TO IT. Liselotte is all heart eyes “Philippe, he smiled! Come and look!” Meanwhile, Philippe is moping on the bed, while she breathlessly says “look at those blue eyes! Aren’t they beautiful!” And still Philippe looks mega-shitty and now I AM SO ANNOYED because Real Philippe absolutely adored his children and it physically pains me to see him portrayed as a spoilt, moody asshole. But wait, ‘blue eyes’ hits a chord with him and we can practically see his brain starting to click and turn. BLUE EYES. And he storms off without a word. UGH.

Philippe stomps into Marchal’s dungeon (WITHOUT GUARDS yet again), asks if the name Marcquart means anything to him, then relates what he knows – a thief in the Bastille, face hidden behind an iron mask, then a dead body is removed. The first man had blue eyes, the dead man, brown. Philippe needs Marchal’s help to get to the bottom of it, but bummer, Marchal only serves the king. “Don’t see this as work. See this more of… say…. leisure activity.” LULZ the look on Marchal’s face.

Murder investigation for fun? I AM SO THERE.

your people? errr…. they love you.

We are back in Louis’ rooms and Guillaume is measuring him for shoes, Jeanne taking notes. “Tell me about the mood of the people in Paris,” Louis suddenly says. G is all ‘wtf now?’ before he says “they are happy, sire. To be ruled by so generous a monarch.” But hey, aren’t they unhappy with paying their taxes? “nothing that isn’t cured by hard work, sire.” Louis continues to fish, saying that surely there are some who despise their king. AS IF Guillaume would go “oh, yeah. Let me give you their names.” ? Instead he placates, says there will always be those who don’t think of the glory of France, who think only of themselves…. while Jeanne’s expression is quite a bit ‘ugh.’ She finally says, “they are hungry.” and Bontemps butts in with “mind your tongue” and I am really, REALLY starting to dislike Bontemps this season. Louis wants to hear, however, and goes on a bit of a condescending monologue, like they are both children: “You must understand that a king is only there to serve his people and his country, to defend the land, to develop trade and commerce. To pay for construction. All these things require money. (MANSPLAINING a king’s duties) And the only way to raise money is through taxation. Is that so wrong?” Jeanne: It is. If it bleeds the people dry. Louis: SHOCKED FACE. Jeanne: The people his majesty claims to serve believe he serves only personal ambition.

Let me mansplain being a king to you.

The music becomes ominous as Guillaume tries to backtrack, but Jeanne will have none of it. She means what she says. Louis steps to her, gives her a death stare and says, “But you are wrong. I do not seek glory for myself but for France.” (But you are France, Louis. Srsly). Jeanne: Your people care little for the glory of France, sire. They are grateful for clean water and lighting, but neither will fill their stomachs. Louis steps away, looks thoughtful, then thanks them for their honesty. And as they leave, Guillaume is furious. “Have you lost your mind?” Jeanne retorts: “have you lost your origins?” They have a hushed argument about being ungrateful for the king’s favour, how she told Louis the truth, would he have her lie? YES! says G. Why? Because he’s the king! And interestingly, here we see the seeds of motivation for Jeanne. This makes sense. Her character makes sense. We see her in her Ordinary World, we see her struggles and her conflict, dealing with the people around her, and so as time goes on, we understand her motivation for all she does. Unlike Agathe in Season 2, who was just ‘down with the tyrant king!’ without any real reason WHY.

Now we are in a salon with Marchal, and he approaches Philippe. He has news – his agents in Paris say Marcquart was a harmless petty thief, just trying to feed his family. “So what was he doing in the Bastille?” Philippe asks. Marchal: “He was not in the Bastille.”

Duh-DUH. Orchestra, play something dramatic.

We’re walking with Leopold and his Bontemps now, and Leo confirms the pope will look favourably upon the match… and right now I am most concerned with the huge and disturbing absence of PEOPLE. There is a distinct lack of people in Versailles and it is hugely distracting to me. Servants, courtiers, guards, ministers… where ARE THEY??? no one was hardly ever alone in Versailles, there were bodies E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E. But these corridors and halls are empty and there only seems to ever be a handful of people in the salons or strolling about the gardens.

Gonna leave you tomorrow. So sad.

Anyways, Leo enters Louis’ rooms – he has good news and bad. Good news – he’s decided he is gonna give 80% of Spain to Louis upon Charles’ death. He says he’s had enough of war, he wants peace and stability. And the bad news? Leo is leaving. They hug, they smile and tonight they will celebrate the signing of their agreement.

BUT WAIT…. FORGET THAT. One of the most GTFO scenes is just about to happen. STRAP IN.

Liselotte is in her rooms, cooing over baby Philippe when we hear the doors open. Bontemps, two guards and mega-cow Maintenon walk in. ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?????? Liselotte’s expression drops. “No. Please. Don’t take him away. Let me talk to the king.” Bontemps: It is the law of the palace, your Highness. I am sorry (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK NO IT IS NOT) A guard steps forward and Liselotte pushes him away and WAT. Another guard grabs her and holds her back and I AM IN A FUCKING RAGE BECAUSE SHE IS A PRINCESS OF FUCKING FRANCE WHAT THE FUCK. Liselotte screams, the baby cries (A PRINCE OF FRANCE FOR FUCKSAKE!) “Take him away and you take away my heart,” Liselotte sobs, Bontemps says “this is no place for children” (WHAT A FUCKING CROCK – there were children everywhere in Versailles, including LOUIS’ OWN FUCKING CHILDREN) and Maintenon, that utter fucking hypocritical snake, murmurs “it is for the best,” and the doors close as Liselotte sobs.

And here – HERE – is where I lost all hope for this season. Seriously. This is so much fucking bullshit that I can smell it clear on the other side of the world. THIS IS WRONG. I do not mind historical fiction. I enjoy historical fiction. But when the historical facts are totally and utterly distorted, just for the sake of some dramatic twist – which, having watched the entire season, serves NO ACTUAL PURPOSE – this is a fucking insult. Let us break this down. The baby is a prince of France. A royal mistress, no matter how high in affection, cannot just REMOVE a prince of France. Liselotte is a princess. The hierarchy, while complicated by Princes of the blood and other titles and orders, goes like this: King first, then Queen, then the dauphin and dauphin’s kids, then Philippe (as brother of the king), then Liselotte (as wife to brother of the king), then children of Philippe. Maintenon, ranked as a marquise, is much lower on the totem pole – the Chevalier de Lorraine is a foreign prince, Delphine a duchesse, and BOTH rank higher than Maintenon. Versailles was all about RANK and PROTOCOL and to have an uppity marquise even approach a member of the royal family, much less REMOVE ONE, is so fucking beyond ridiculous that I have to use a telescope to find even a fucking glimmer of where it is. Louis would have gone absolutely ballistic.

GET IN THE FUCKING SEA. 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡

From the ridiculous to the streets of Paris. Colbert is on his soapbox, telling everyone that he is here to remind them of the shared vision that “binds us all together. And of the wonder of our king, Louis.” Cue unpressed looks from the peasant crowd. “You have chosen to question his authority. Our great king has only one purpose. To further the glory of France. But we all must make sacrifices just as he does. We must believe as he does. Dream as he does. Suffer as he does!” Murmurs from the crowd… they are not buying it. “We must trust in him as he trusts in us.” Bastien pipes up: “Why should we trust him? What, so he can steal our money more easily?” The crowd laughs but Colbert valiantly continues: “The king steals from no one! He raises taxes which he then returns to his people. Look at his gifts! Education. Roads. Clean water. Streets like glory!” “And poverty,” Bastien adds. Another peasant heckles, “Glory my arse!” And someone grabs an egg from a cart and hurls it at Colbert and suddenly there is a barrage of food while Colbert tries for calm. Food being thrown despite their complaints of being hungry in the streets… And the guards hustle Colbert away as the crowd turns nasty.

Back in Versailles with Louis telling Bossuet of Leopold’s offering of 80% of Spain, telling the priest he must go to Rome to ensure the support of the Vatican. Bossuet is kinda not really happy, but Louis tells him to remind the Pope where his loyalties should lie, and that the bastion of the Catholic church is France. Bossuet does not see how he can influence his Holiness, and Louis calmly says if he has any doubts, then Bossuet can remain at Versailles and draw up a list of replacements for his position. Lulz. Cue a weird look from Bontemps. Much ringing of hands from Bossuet. Meanwhile Marchal and Philippe are walking through the enfilades, Marchal wanting to tell Louis what they know but Philippe is all ‘nup, he will order you to stop because he thinks I’m just making this all up.’ They agree to wait a few days before telling.

won’t anyone rid me of this chattering wench?

Leopold is getting dressed and his niece Eleanor is chattering about Spanish words and the look on Leo’s face is ….😆 Eleanor now wants to go to Spain. Leo says they are going there, and she is all ‘yay! As long as I don’t meet the king – his portrait is atrocious’ And Leo is all ‘tough. You will meet him. Because you gonna marry him. SURPRISE’ Dear Lord, the look on Eleanor’s face. Her mother is on her way there, and they will leave tomorrow. “I refuse,” Eleanor says bravely, looking devastated. Leo slaps her, then gently says, “you will be Queen of Spain* (*Spoiler: she won’t). You should be grateful.”

Back with Louis walking through the salons, and Louvois reports a bunch of Austrian nobles have been spotted making their way to Spain. Why? A family gathering, perhaps? And why do families gather? Louis muses. Louvois – “for funerals.” Louis: “And weddings.”

Sophie returns to the salons, all clean and pretty again, and people are whispering, watching her circulate. She smiles and greets Liselotte, who is alone and sad and attached to a wall.

*historical note: again, what is it with the absence of people? Liselotte, as princess, has an entourage, ladies-in-waiting, plus courtiers hanging about wanting her favour and attention. She would not be clinging to a wall like a Nigel No-Friends.

Liselotte is pleased to see Sophie, who says she has been in a convent. Sophie asks what has happened since she last saw the pregnant Liselotte, and Liselotte says she had a son…. taken from her. “On whose orders?” Sophie asks. Liselotte just stares across the room, right at Maintenon, who is chatting happily to Delphine, the Chevalier in the background. “THE KING!” Bontemps announces, and Louis walks in with the queen, heading straight for a table where the historical signing is to be conducted. Leopold bows (wtf is that “Louis” as he addresses the king of France?? Wrong.) They sit and prepare to sign, and Louis casually mentions Leo’s niece. “I would like her to stay here. We shall show her all the wonders of Versailles.” Ahhhhh, sneaky Louis. Leo is all “it’s a kind offer, but-” but Louis will have none of it. “My wife has conceived an affection for the princess. She would enjoy her company for a few months.” He looks at Eleanor – “-would that please you?” Damn right, it would. And now Leopold cannot refuse. Louis says she will be well looked after then sticks the knife right in: “who knows? We may even find her a husband.” So the camera pans the crowd, they sign the documents, Louis rises and gives a speech about being former enemies now friends, blood replaced by wine, now allies blah blah. Everyone claps as the music swells.

Festivities begin and the Chevalier is being some kind of circus ringleader, demanding a volunteer as he waves about a cane and some silk, the centre of attention. Has a joke about Philippe being missing, then Louvois’ belly, then Louis stands and volunteers. “A brave proposition from the king,” the Chevalier declares as Louis ties on the blindfold. “Olé” (lolwat) he then announces and Louis smiles and starts to blindly grope about the room as courtiers laugh and scatter. I see Maintenon deliberately putting herself in the way, but the Chevalier good-naturedly prods the king with his cane. The queen is watching, playing cards as Leopold hovers behind her, asking her for courage and then whispering something in her ear. As the king laughs and enjoys the game, the queen’s face is looking more panicky as Leo keeps whispering and Jebus, I bet my front teeth he is suggesting something along the lines of regicide… Even that is too much. Meanwhile Louis gropes about, still laughing and the doors behind him open and everyone stills, their faces dropping in shock and horror. Louis senses the mood, quickly removes the blindfold and we see Colbert, battered and bloody and with a smashed-in face. “My God.” Louis gasps. “Who did this to you?” Colbert swallows, then shakily gets out, “the people of France, sire.” Louis looks horrified.

The music swells and that is the end of Episode 2. UGH. What is in store for the next ep?

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Versailles S3, Ep2 – The one with Sophie’s return When we left our intrepid characters, Philippe had stupidly and against all sense, charged off on his own, in the night, without guards (yeah, this would never happen) to the Bastille to find out who this mysterious Duc de Sullun is.

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frawleyonmusic · 3 years

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A Long Strange Trip: The Love and Life of Music of Chuck Murray

Walking down the halls of Endicott’s visual and performing arts center, you will likely hear the ringing of piano keys dancing closer. Or the rhythmic thumping and striking of drums, or the strumming of guitars. Charles (Chuck) Murray is a Junior at Endicott college as a Comms major with a minor in music, and he could be behind any of these sounds. Over the past five years, music has taken an increasingly large role in his life. Chuck is the lead guitarist of the Jazz band, a recording studio technician and a multi-instrumentalist. On Fridays he works with students at his recording workshop, on Thursdays he rehearses with the Jazz band. The rest of the week is left up to opportunity, and practice. Like so many musicians, Chuck was raised around music, and his relationship with his passion has led him down the path that he walks today. As a young college student Chuck is at a time in his life where he does not know exactly where he is headed. However, Chuck knows what appeals to him, and sticking by it has served him well thus far. The journey has taken Chuck from his early highschool bands with his friends, to California, and back to the studios of Massachusetts. Regardless of where Chuck winds up, music is coming along for the ride.

Seamus Frawley: So what is your typical Saturday morning like?

Chuck Murray: You know, it depends what happens Friday night.

Seamus Frawley: Depends what happened Friday? Yeah. That's a good answer.

Chuck Murray: Yeah, no, with the past two weeks we've been, I work here in the VPAC.

Seamus Frawley: What do you do?

Chuck Murray: I help Owen. He’s the audio and visual technician. So we've been setting up for the musical in a couple of weeks. We built a stage.

Seamus Frawley: You're building a stage?

Chuck Murray: Yeah, it's built. It's nice. Yeah. Using a drill gun and all that fun stuff.

Seamus Frawley: That's neat. How long have you been playing music?

Chuck Murray: So I started playing when I was a sophomore in high school, sophomore in high school to now I'm a junior. So five years Yeah. Five, five or six years.

Seamus Frawley: How do you find your way into playing music?

Chuck Murray: Yeah. Well, I always loved it and my, I mean so my neighbor, he's like best friends with my brother. And so my brother was always over there and so I was always over there. And so even when we go back home now, like we're always at our neighbor's house and he are our friend's dad, he plays guitar. And I just remember him, like, he's like a, he's not like the best guitar player I've ever heard, but like he knows how to play really well. Like he's like a performer, you know what I mean? So he can just strum a couple chords and just like put on a show and like the living room, you know what I mean? So that was my first kind of like time where I was like; Oh. This would be so cool if I were able to do this. You know what I mean? And so, yeah, it was just like a curiosity kind of thing that brought me around to playing.

Seamus Frawley: Is your brother older or younger?

Chuck Murray: Yeah, my brother is 24, so only a couple years older than me.

Seamus Frawley: So you're 22?

Chuck Murray: I'm 22.

Seamus Frawley: If you were to think back over your life, when did music become like a significant part of your life?

Chuck Murray: I mean, like honestly as early as I can remember. You know? Just like driving in the car and just like listening to music was always a thing. Always listening to the radio. My dad wouldn't let me listen to like rap or anything, which I'm thankful for now. So I grew up on all the old stuff, which I'm very appreciative of. I remember just listening to CDs, my brother had like a CD player, like a little one with the headphones. I think he had like Stadium Arkadium and that was like the only CD he had, the Chili Peppers one.

Seamus Frawley: Oh yeah?

Chuck Murray: It's like, that's the only one he had, but we used to fight over that. Yeah. I mean, as early as I can really remember, it's just fun.

Seamus Frawley: So it's fair to say you were raised around music?

Chuck Murray: Yeah, definitely. Definitely.

Seamus Frawley: When was your first experience where you were able to play, and it struck you like “Hey that's really cool?”

Chuck Murray: Well, it's funny. I remember my neighbor, who has a couple of guitars, I would always like... this is so bad now as a musician, I would always just play around with the tunings. Then I would just detune it, which is horrible. I shouldn't have done that, but I didn't know any better, you know? My first time getting around to playing I remember freshman year I was playing sports a lot and then I just remember having an interest in it. And I think my brother at the time who was coming here (Endicott), he took the Guitar 1 class and then he joined Modern Band. So he really started playing. He was in a modern Miranda a while ago, they played Mr. Endicott actually. I don't know if you know what that is. That's like a big dance they have, but they were nasty. They were wicked good. Like the best I've ever heard Modern Band sound.

Seamus Frawley: That's cool.

Chuck Murray: So they played, they got asked to play at Mr. Endicott and it was sick. I came up and watched him, but I think, I think my brother learning how to play, like initiated me to play. And now it's like, I feel bad cause I kind of took over now. Now I'm like a lot better than him. And I think he feels bad, but it's his fault, you know? I just got super competitive, but I remember like we, I started learning like my sophomore year, I loved just like all the old music. And it was like, I'd love to be able to like play this and just like play it for people at like, you know, like a fire or something or like camping or something. Like, I wanted to be like the stereotypical, you know what I mean? Like bonfire guitar player. You want to be that guy. I mean, my goals have changed now, but I think that was my initial kind of, initial move into music or like, the draw. Pretty much that it's like, yeah. Just like being able to, I dunno, just play a song that people love, you know what I mean? That's, that's a cool thing and not everyone can do it. So I mean.

Seamus Frawley: It's a cool thing, and it can be so simple or it can be so complicated.

Chuck Murray: Right. Well, it's funny because like I mean, I was young in high school, so I was like: “Oh, like I'll probably, I dunno, get some girls too or something.” You know what I mean? But then once I actually started to learn the instrument, I was like: “okay, I love this.” It was instant. I learned a chord and I was like: “that's it. I'm going to learn how to apply this thing.”

Seamus Frawley: That’s cool. Yeah. That's really cool. I can, I can relate to that. So you're a Junior at Endicott?

Chuck Murray: I'm a junior, you're a junior. I'm a communication major.

Seamus Frawley: All right, so you're a communications major and you're a multi-instrumentalist. Could you tell me how your journey led you to where you are today?

Chuck Murray: So after high school, I, uh, so I mean, I, a big thing for me was sophomore year, I was playing sports and um, my friend, well, I didn't really know him too well, but I went to a regional school. So I knew of this kid, I knew he was like a big music fan. And so I was like, “Oh, like, what's up, man? Like, I'm starting to learn to play guitar.” And he's like, “Oh yeah, I play too.” And we both love sublime sublime. Yeah. We both loved sublime. So I was like; “yeah man, we should totally play some time.” And then his good friend, who I was also friends with, we were all on the same team. So we were just really getting to know each other that year. So we became friends then, and then we all got along super well, same humor. We love the same music. We just hung out all the time. Then we started a band sophomore year. So right when I started learning guitar, my friend was writing songs. We would practice songs and we would rehearse. We would really get things perfect, and we'd write together. So in my beginning stages of learning how to play, I started writing and rehearsing. I started doing that right away, which I think was really important to what I do now. But as time went on, sports were great, but I knew music was kind of like; “I'm going to have this forever.” I'm not going to have sports forever. So I really incorporated more time for music. Took away from sports a little bit, but I don't really care. After my senior year, I really didn't want to go to school. I knew I wanted to do music. And so I was like; “okay, I'm just going to take a year off.” My dad was a little upset because he didn't think I'd come back. But I moved to California with my friend. So my friend lives out there. He lives in Ventura.

Seamus Frawley: What's his name?

Chuck Murray: Devin. So he lived out here, he was also taking a gap year. So I was like; “let's just live together and let's just do it.” So I brought music out there. It was just a good chance to practice a lot. I played some shows, some acoustic shows, nothing too serious. Then I came back to come here.

Seamus Frawley: Does anyone else in your family playing anything?

No. I think my grandfather used to play the spoons, the spoons, according to my mom, he was spoon player.

Seamus Frawley: That's cool.

Chuck Murray: Yeah. But yeah, it's funny. Me and my brother both play, but our parents don't play, none of our aunts, uncles play, but, but there is such a love for music in my family. You know what I mean? Always sing along and just like having a song stuck in your head, you know what I mean? It’s just rhythm. I noticed my parents have good rhythm, you know, what do you mean by that? If I see them dancing or tapping their foot, you know, they're on beat. And my dad actually has a good pitch. My dad doesn't sing often, but when he does, he loves a song, uh, hold the line by Toto, you know? His pitch is great. Just like a natural, good pitch.

Seamus Frawley: It's just family of music enthusiasts?

Chuck Murray: Yeah. Definitely not musicians, but music enthusiasts. I'm sure. That's pretty much how well my family is. It's, it's great to have that way. You're, you're kind of, uh, embodied around good music instead of having to find your own music. You know what I mean?

Seamus Frawley: Yeah. It takes you back. I mean, definitely. How do you, how do you get, how do you find your way through? It's vast.

Chuck Murray: Yeah, seriously. I mean, it's just nuts. Especially now with like all, all platforms. You can, you can pay $12 a month to Spotify and listen to any song you want. You know what I mean? Yeah. Pretty much. Which I like, but also, like, I think like things like radio, it's like, I love the idea of a song coming to me. You know what I mean? Instead of me going out and trying to find a song, which I do plenty of, like, I go to record shops and whatever, I go out and find music, but I love the idea of just like random chance. I'm listening to the radio at this exact moment and this song is playing. You know what I mean? I just love the random kind of aspect of that.

Seamus Frawley: What instruments do you play?

Yeah, I play, uh, I play piano. I played bass. I sing. I started playing drums like a year and a half ago. I've gotten decent at drums, although they're very hard. I think every musician should learn how to play the drums. So I want let, to play the drums pretty bad. I think they're like your rhythm will get a lot better. Like a lot better. Yeah. Drumming is incredible. I love it. And it's, it's a great stress reliever too. You're just hitting things, you know?

Seamus Frawley: Six, including your voice? The voice is an instrument.

Chuck Murray: It definitely is. Yeah, definitely.

Seamus Frawley: You think you have, so you probably never imagined you'd end up playing like five and six.

Chuck Murray: Probably not. Yeah. I, I, um, I was definitely surprised by like how, I dunno, I guess how natural it just came. I mean, I took like a piano course, my senior year of high school and that helped a lot just because it gave me time with a piano. You know what I mean? I never like owned a piano like my friend did. And so I played his when I could, but taking that class was great. And then, and then coming here, obviously there's so many pianos, so.

Seamus Frawley: So what it's like, so can you give me like a rundown of all the musically involved things that you're doing at school?

Chuck Murray: Yeah. Um, or that you have done. Yeah. Yeah. So my, yeah, I mean, I never, I never thought I could like make money doing this just cause it's known as like a, that's a job where you're not going to make money, which is true for some, in some regards, but like here at Endicott, like I've gotten hired to play guitar. Like I've done like chorus concerts of I'm doing the musical and a couple of weeks I did an aggravation. So I play in the jazz band here.

Seamus Frawley: And your, what, what role do you have in the jazz band?

Chuck Murray: Yeah, I'm a lead guitar player and I sang some songs too, which is great. Two summers ago, the jazz instructor, he has a band that tours the north shore schools and they're pretty popular. They have a good turnout. So I played with them. I've played with them like two, two times now, a couple of shows. Just sitting and playing a couple of tunes with them, which is great.

Seamus Frawley: I know you're all in, you're very involved in recordings.

CHuck Murray: I never got huge into recording in high school. We, we recorded like this little AP that's on Spotify. It's called the local boys, uh, waiting for something. There's my plug for that project. Just like, just like, you know, super simple stuff. Like, it's like four songs and it's like five or six tracks on each. You know what I mean? It's like a nice, that was my initial step into recording.

And then like, uh, by my senior year of high school, we recorded like, just like in an EAP for my friend. And then, um, and then coming to Endicott, my, after my freshman year, I did an internship with a recording studio in Somerville called Phoenix, done recording. It's mostly just a hip hop studio. So there wasn't a lot of live instruments.

It was mostly just like vocals, like people like rappers coming in and just like, like rapping. But that was like really good for me to just sit there. It was kind of exhausting, honestly, like when you're not doing that editing work and you're sitting in the room listening to all that editing work, it'll drive you insane, man. It's just like; pause, pause, play, pause, play, pause, little change, play, pause. You know what I mean? They would have 12 hour sessions, which is crazy.

Seamus Frawley: And you sat in there for 12 hours?

Chuck Murray: Sometimes. Other times I would be like; “I can't do this anymore.”

Seamus Frawley: What idea do you have for the role that music will have in your life going forward?

Chuck Murray: That's a good question. Yeah. So I think like being young, I, I'm going to try to gig and I'm going to try to release music and I'm going to try to, you know, get my name out there and see what it does. But honestly, it's, I'm not, it's not like a make or break situation for me. I'm going to keep doing music because it's like a true love of mine. There's really nothing that compares to it. Like making it, listening to it, playing it, you know what I mean? I love all aspects of it. So I'm going to do that forever. And if, if it, it brings me money and it brings me a job, that'd be sick. You know what I mean?

I'm just going to keep doing it cause I love to do it and I'm just going to pay my rent and do what I have to do. I just love music so much. So I'll do it forever. It's wicked therapeutic, you know? Oh yeah. Escapism.

Seamus Frawley: I don't think there's hardly ever a time I get in my car and there's no music.When I say hardly ever, I mean, there's probably not 15 seconds, right?

Chuck Murray: Yeah. Dude, music just really fills the holes sort of whatever your life is. You know what I mean? It just felt, yeah. It just fills… Well, like I said, I grew up on the old stuff, the old East. So like, you know, basically like anything that ZLX plays, you know, you know, WELS.

Seamus Frawley: Yeah. I grew up on ZLX.

Chuck Murray: So it's like, whatever they were playing is what I was really listening to. But you know, it obviously evolved. And then when I was a kid, I got into rap, which I, which I love. Um, and then it's really just like a trend thing.

It's like a fad. I was big into the dead in high school, big into jazz. Um, it's really just like all it's, whatever I'm feeling and the weather certainly depicts what I'm listening to as well. You know what I mean? Like.

Seamus Frawley: The weather, the mood, the setting...

Chuck Murray: Yeah. So like now... now being springtime, I love driving windows down listening to acoustic music. So like Crosby, Stills and Nash, or, you know, Van Morrison, you know, all those kinds of the seventies and sixties, like rock and it'd be sick stuff.

Seamus Frawley: That's my comfort zone.

Chuck Murray: Right. But like during the winter that stuff just doesn't like fit the vibe. So I'll listen to like R and B, and I'm big into R and B. R and B, Soul and indie-alternative R and B that comes out today. I really like, there's some I really hate, but there's some really good stuff. I just love music that has emotion. I want to be able to hear something that doesn't sound like anything else, but I can hear your influences. I can hear where you're coming from, but you're creating this new thing. You know what I mean?

Seamus Frawley: You've built off it, right?

Chuck Murray: Yeah, yeah. Don't steal, but I definitely want to be able to hear like, I'll throw up. Can I throw some artists out there?

Seamus Frawley: Yeah. Go for it.

Chuck Murray: So like for R and B, like, I love all like the black females it's like says, uh, Ari Lennox, and they're kind of like sing-rapping and SCA.That's where she got the name since, uh, I used to call her S-C-A for the longest time. I felt dumb, but her name’s SCA (“scizzah”), they're great. I love those girls. I love like Steve Lacey. I love Odd Future. So I love like Tyler the Creator just cause that music is really weird. It's very odd, but it's cool. I think it fits the times really well. I mean, Tyler, like doesn't know how to produce music, but he produces wicked good music. You know what I mean? He doesn't know any like traditional, like he didn't go to school for it. It's he just learned it on his own. And so now it was like, he, he just won like best contemporary album or something and he produced the whole thing himself. You know what I mean? It's crazy. That is wild. Yeah. It's yeah. It's incredible. I love that. But like I said, anything that really gives me emotion. So like I'll even, I'll go like, I'll listen to country music, as long as it's giving me some kind of soul or blues, you know what I mean? Just give me like a feeling of some sort. Don't be bland to say what's the point.

Seamus Frawley: There's such like a stigma. It's like, yeah. I don't know if stigma is the right word. There's something around the Beatles where people either like, don't want to hear about it. I don't know what it is.

Chuck Murray:Yeah. They're just like, they're literally just pioneers. I know they're pioneers of me.

Chuck Murray: Learning how you play, your instrument is sick. But if you want to be the world's greatest guitar player? Good luck. Like holy cow. There's so many guitar players and there's so many good ones.

Seamus Frawley: What I've come to understand is that there are way many more people who are technically extremely talented, much, much fewer people who are creatively talented.

Chuck Murray: Right, right. Yeah. Well being creative, it's like, you have to be, you have to like, you can't just steal stuff and you can't just run scales. You can, you can play scales. We can fast. But if you can't phrase and you can't, you know, play melodies, it's like, what's the point. You know what I mean? But yeah, just trying to be the best guitar player, you should be the best guitar player you can be, but don't try to be the best guitar player in the world because that is such a far-fetched school. I've just found such joy in writing songs because like they're unique. And like, like I have so many voicemails on my phone. Like if I go back like three years and listened to a song I wrote, I can be like: “Oh my God. I remember where I was at that time.” You know what I mean? The songs I write now, it's like, you can see, I don't know, like a maturity kind of thing. You can see the growth, you know what I mean?

Seamus Frawley: Sort of like a timeline.

Chuck Murray: Yeah, It really is. That's why I love it. Mostly just cause like the songs I write are reflective of me and the times that I'm going through and whatever is going on in my life, you know what I mean? And I don't even know it at the time, but then like, I'll listen back and I'd be like, Oh man, like that's that line is really important at the time. And I didn't think it was, you know what I mean? I don't know. Yeah. It's like therapeutic because it's basically just me communicating with myself.

Seamus Frawley: You're expressing yourself.

Chuck Murray: Yeah. That’s all it is.

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youforeverwithme · 4 years

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Owl Some Days You Have To Put On The Hat And Remind Them Who They Are Dealing With Witch T-Shirt

I think the Owl Some Days You Have To Put On The Hat And Remind Them Who They Are Dealing With Witch T-Shirt job in this room have is the opportunity to present visible but also to inspire up and coming physicians who are in medicine sports medicine and so that the legacy will be how many and I like how many more doctors can I encourage with the key to continued success still like another three months to go through the celebrate now do not celebrate the first milestone was Wilson 22 teams. Dominic in just a moment that we want to bring me the asian reaction as well gracefully is in tokyo this morning from asian leaders when we hearing so far on the president diagnosis grace while their first we heard from some time usually include prime minister nearing the money which I was trying to outrun the recovery along with his wife pointed response front prints me out and she will treat it out this morning saying donald try paying the price for gambling you are responding trying to which_shower theory overall the other as well overall donald transcribe you mind going on by not going and not sugar overall in the us response front where I am right now you leave there is really survive trying and trying to tow the line between the trade partners you may point in the political process due to the us probably got so interesting donald trump from microphones from my by very much really setting up a real fight over the source of 19 and will insurance sometimes encouraging us using page and sometimes very critical. The children staff not wearing masks this morning from a moderator chris wallace foxman first offered masks that refused to talk seems late trump side of of the hall this is trump came in wearing a mask that took it off when what she said sat down to see when they came in but all the other members the first family that I saw there including about god tiffany when they sat down they weren’t wearing masks i’m told by the pool of reporters was there that somebody from the cleveland clinic came up to the first family I believe this was before mrs trump sat down and offered the mass in case they didn’t have them and they waved them away on the following wednesday trump was traveling card opportunity on outdoor rally on a trip should the cognitive morning as well on aboard air force one and returning to washington then took new and got a result positive and significant morning white house knew of the results of the morning your traveling resort to for learning from multiple report photo of people in close proximity

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many genes that the best choice for the right to be an excellent start is no reference to things all them shocked there is a like concern for the other thing is you willing to fix issues we want to get the flow below the entire issue for removing it precisely so Jean is basically there just kind of like help support Xavier White is going to try harder there is a retry before you your brainpower he needs their combined power to make it workand they doand when John asked Emma Frost now she’s in the living room literally else that you get the use ofand so they do reach out past the known universeand they find activate all is now the ultimate powerand universities common for pennies like hello you’re my subject technically I was the in the 18th dynastyand on the ruler of Egypt like as far a lot of water concern I ruled everything the assets on coming back to my rightful place in your one of my subjectsand I can tell from your thoughts that you don’t like that idea alland then Chuckand Jean disconnect through not sureand Akin Eaton drops a powerful beamand blows up all the X Men’s on the right oh so was also exiting the present one will think of recurrent told him to converge. 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rosewoodlliars · 7 years

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THE ULTIMATE PLOT HOLE AND UNANSWERED QUESTIONS LIST

(Not in any particular order)

1. How are you able to take a photo for the yearbook for a school that you never attended? 2. How are you prom queen for a school that you never attended? 3. So Wilden was a 12 year old cop when Mrs. D payed him off to rule Marion’s death as a suicide? Because lol CeCe and Wilden are the same age. 4. How was Marion alive in a flashback where Alison and Toby are teenagers but yet she was on the rooftop when Charles was 12? Oh no wait never mind it was interpretive. That flashback never happened like everything else in the past seasons. 5. How did CeCe have a roommate when she lived at Radley? 6. Why did Wren make CeCe a visitors pass if she was already a patient at Radley? She was already sneaking out of her room for “story time” with Mona so what the hell did she need the pass for? 7. How was CeCe able to go on a summer trip with the Dilaurentis family to Cape May when she’s suppose to be in Radley? But I guess since you have mental issues and you’re there for your safety and for the safety of others you’re allowed to take the fuck off out of the state and enjoy yourself🤷🏻‍♀️ 8. How did Charles transitioned into Charlotte in 3 days? You don’t just leave Radley for a couple of days then come back as a girl with hormones and a perfect body. It takes months and even years to go through that so how did that happen? Marlene doesn’t even know when that happened confirmed in via interview. 9. How did Spencer feel a familiarity with Charles in that vault? Regardless of CeCe being her sister, they barely interacted and they did not have this planned for them to be sisters back then…. so how the fuck? 10. Why would CeCe turn herself in? 11. Why would CeCe send a video of her burying Mrs. D when she loved her and Alison? Also Mary never confirmed she sent that video also Marlene confirmed in via interview that CeCe buried Mrs. D but yet Peter said that Mary killed her and buried her? Plot hole. 12. Out of all the girls, why would CeCe give 30,000 dollars to Hanna for college? Why not Alison or Spencer for that matter since she already fucking knew that Spencer was her sister since she met fucking Alex? 13. What does Sara Harvey have against Hanna since she was burning her head on the doll? 14. What was the point of Bethany Young? Why did Jessica tell her to call her “Aunt Jessie”? Why was the fact that she took Bethany fucking horseback riding never explained? Who are her parents? Why was she a big deal on this show? Or why wasn’t the drawings never explained? 15. Since CeCe always wanted to be girl all her life, why would she go back and dress as a dude in a tuxedo at the dollhouse? You can say it was Noel how many times you want to but it was never confirmed that it was him. 16. Why are the 5 girls irrelevant to the storyline? In the finale it was all about Spencer and Alex didn’t mention one thing about Alison. So Alison is basically irrelevant to Alex and Alex doesn’t give a shit about her when the SHOW IS ABOUT ALISON??? The girls are basically irrelevant to every motive every A on this show has ever had. So basically they’re making it seem like these girls became friends with the wrong people. It wasn’t Spencer’s fault that she got a good life. Alex SHOULD’VE TAKEN IT OUT ON HER MOTHER THAT SOLD HER. I will argue that the motives of every A were shit until the death. 17. Why wasn’t the night of Alison’s disappearance ever brought up again? Wasn’t that the main plot of the fucking show? But no it was interpretive it never happened. 18. Since Alex loved Aria so much, why would she try to ruin her wedding day? 19. Why the fuck would Jason see Bethany that night when he doesn’t know what she looks like? Why was CeCe wearing a yellow top that night? 20. When Jessica is about to smash Alison’s fingers in the piano, why would she come and say that Radley called her saying CeCe Drake was there pretending to be Alison when she was already a patient there? JESSICA CONFIRMED THAT SHE CONSIDERED CHARLES AS HER SON TO MARY. So it doesn’t matter if she was Mary’s daughter. Plot hole. 21. Why would CeCe date her own cousin when she can just be friends with him? That’s just disturbing. 22. How was CeCe able to work at a boutique when she’s suppose to be at Radley? Apparently she had get out of Radley free card. So they’re just going to let people in an institution work retail which can be the most stressful job…. but I guess you go for it. 23. How is CeCe running a fashion show when she’s suppose to be at Radley? 24. How was Melissa able to call CeCe and tell her to go visit Mona when she was already a patient there? 25. Wren and CeCe’s roommate both said that Alison got CeCe kicked out of college by pushing that girl down the stairs at the frat party, but yet we were told in 7x08 that Noel pushed the girl down the stairs IN A DREAM SEQUENCE but no it was confirmed by Bryan Holdman that it was true. So who the hell pushed the girl down the stairs? 26. How was CeCe partying it up with the Kahn’s on the weekends if she was suppose to be at Radley? 27. What was the point of the puzzle piece from the game board? 28. What the hell was the point of the Melissa mask? 29. What was the purpose of Ali and Bethany being pen pals? 30. What purpose did Sara Harvey serve and why make her both Red Coat and Black Widow? To torture them when she has never met them before for money? She obviously has some anger towards them so what the hell??? Where did CeCe find her? 31. Why was Mary at the blind school in 7x10? She didn’t know that Alex was AD by that time? 32. What was the significance of that Amish girl? 33. So what was Pastor Ted’s relevance? Just to bring an irrelevant character back to make him CeCe’s father? What? 34. What happened to the Cape May storyline? 35. Why would Alex take Wren’s sperm to impregnate Alison if she loved him so much? Why would you want your boyfriend to have a baby with someone else? 36. Why recruit Mona on your team if she killed CeCe? Wasn’t that your whole purpose for doing this? Finding out who killed CeCe? 37. Where was Rollins taking Alison in 7x03? 38. What was the point of all the Alison masks? 39. What’s the significance of 214? It comes up everywhere. 40. Why didn’t Mrs. D show any emotion to CeCe being arrested? She just glared at her. Again, Mrs. D considered CeCe as her daughter. 41. Who was the blond girl in the window of Alison’s bedroom in 1x01? 42. When and where did CeCe and Sara meet? 43. Why did Sara help CeCe and what were her motives? 44. Marlene confirmed in via interview that Ian killed himself, okay why? 45. What was Alison talking about in 4x24 that she saw Ian walk out of the church after pushing him off? I recall Ian looking colorless on that rope…. 46. Who was the person in 5x03 that was behind the glass with Mona while Hanna is getting her hair done? 47. Who was the person in the black cap talking to Melissa on the security footage in 5x07? 48. Why would CeCe frame her sister for murder if she loved her so much? 49. What was the point of the NAT club? What were on the videos that can bring everybody down? 50. Why would CeCe toss her fucking brother down an elevator shaft? “Oh Charlotte was angry.” Confirmed in via interview. um okay we need better answers than that marlene…. 51. Who was the blond girl at the reptile place in 4x20? With our luck they’re probably going to say it was Sara… 52. Who exactly knew that Alison was alive? Because it seemed like a lot of people knew…. 53. Who dug up Alison’s grave? Who exactly was there that night? You could say it was CeCe but it never came out of her mouth that she did it. 54. How did Maya die? Why didn’t we get any closure? Lyndon was the one who supposedly killed her but yet he had no relevance to the story… and he didn’t even confirm that he killed her. “What do you think?” Isn’t confirmation. 55. Was Melissa really the other queen of hearts? We didn’t see her. And that was never mentioned again. 56. Who gave Ali the bloody lip? “Girls fight much dirtier than boys” well??? 57. Why was Noel helping CeCe in the dollhouse? What did CeCe have on him? 58. What did Alison have on Noel? 59. What is Melissa’s significance to the story? Why did Melissa take that photo of Wilden, Alison, and CeCe on the boat at cape may? Again why was Cape May never mentioned again? 60. Why didn’t Eddie and Wren not like each other that much? “The minute that guy got here it wasn’t for the right reasons.” well what the fuck. The tension between them was never fucking explained. 61. Who did Mona, Jenna, and Sydney meet at the park in 5x05? 62. Who was Wren talking to on the phone in 4x10? 63. Was Bethany really the one who was writing to Alison or was it it CeCe? And AGAIN WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED WITH BETHANY YOUNG? 64. Marlene said black widow was Endgame so is Sara Harvey endgame? You could’ve taken the easy way out and make Alex black widow but no. 65. Why did Melissa want the NAT club videos so bad? Again this was never brought up again. 66. WHAT HAPPENED TO VARJACK? 67. What happened to Cyrus? 68. Why were 3 people wearing yellow tops that night? Again, that night was never brought up again and that’s the reason this whole show started. 69. What did Maya know? That Nate was in town? Because Nate isn’t relevant to the story. And why add Maya’s niece when she had nothing to do with anything? 70. Why did Jason have a stab wound on his side? 71. Who did Aria stab with the screwdriver? 72. Marlene confirmed in via interview that Wilden was acting alone but yet we heard two voices talking? 73. Who did Spencer hear scream in 1x01? 74. Who was the person in the black hoodie that Mona gave the pills to in 3x13? 75. Who hit Toby over the head that night and planted that lighter? 76. Jenna said that Wilden saw Alison that night, how come Alison never mentioned this when she came back? Was Jenna lying? Again wee heard nothing else of the night Ali disappeared. 77. Why were Melissa and Ian in such a rush to get married? What did they need the alibi for? 78. What blond girl was Dr. Palmer talking about? Why was this never mentioned again? 79. Why are there two different versions of the kissing rock video? What was the point of showing that in 7x19? How did Alex even get that? 80. Who the fuck is Dr. Sullivan’s son? Mona was apparently threatening him in 2x25. 81. Why was Andrew being adopted brought up in the first place if it’s just going to be dropped? 82. Why were Jenna and Shana afraid of Melissa? Why was this never mentioned again? 83. What did Jenna give Shana at the park in 2x24? “You know what you have to do.” What did she have to do? 84. Who did Jason give the 50,000 dollars to? And what kind of information did they give him in order for him to give them the money? 85. Why did Mona tell Wren “that’s before I knew where your loyalties lie.”? 86. Who attacked Alison on Halloween? We were led to believe that it was Lucas but it was never confirmed. 87. Who opened the door to that creepy house in 2x13? And why was there a radley car outside of the house? 88. What was the significance of the ghost girl and how come only Ashley saw her? 89. Who was the person in the redcoat Wren was coloring in? 90. What led Ezra to believe that Mrs. D was A? 91. What happened at Ali’s house when Alison came over to Spencer’s house crying? 92. Who was that little boy at the doll shop referring to when he said “a man and woman with dark hair.”? 93. Why did Mike have 18,000 dollars in his bank account? 94. So Shana’s death was just forgotten about? Will anybody ever find out about it? 95. Where was Jason when he was suppose to be at rehab? 96. Did Cyrus really cut Alison’s leg? And if not where did it come from? 97. Why would Alison take pictures of Aria while sleeping? 98. Why did Melissa and Alison have masks made of themselves? 99. Who did Alison get in the car with outside of hectors? 100. Why did Alison need money from hector so bad? 101. What did the lawyer in 5x22 tell Ezra? He basically said that “If you don’t tell me then you can tell the police.” but yet he came out and said he wouldn’t tell him anything? What? 102. Who set up the A extravaganza bullshit at the park in 5x01? 103. Who was the guy that knew Emily’s name? 104. What was up with the bloody bandages in Jason’s trash? 105. Why was Holbrook kissing Alison at the ice ball? 106. Why was CeCe on Ezra’s payroll? 107. Why was CeCe eavesdropping on Aria and Ezra in 4x11? Yeah she’s A but for what purpose was she eavesdropping on them for? 108. What the fuck happened to Pepe and Tippy? 109. Why was Alison blackmailing people for money if she wasn’t planning on running away? 110. Who was Ali’s friends boyfriend that pulled the gun on her? 111. How is CeCe hanging out at a pub where Ezra and Ali met if she was suppose to be at radley? 112. What was Grunwald talking about when she said “Each one hated the other because each one feared the other because each one knew something about the other.”? 113. Who was hiding upstairs in the dilaurentis house? 114. Who was living under the crawlspace at the dilaurentis house? Was it Sara or CeCe? 115. Who was Bethany talking about on the tapes? 116. Why are there quotation marks around the word “Dr.” Kingston on the police board? 117. How did Alison’s ‘Jenna Thing’ bracelet get on Bethany’s body if she left it with Mona at the Lost Woods Resort? 118. What is the ‘plan’ Bethany is talking about on the tape? 119. Was the story Mona told Spencer about her seeing Alison as Vivian in Brookhaven in 2x25 true? Or did she just make it up? If it was true, who was Alison watching? 120. What was on page 5 of Alison’s autopsy report? 121. Who took the photo of Alison and the Liars in 4x13 that was given to Holbrook? 122. Who took the photograph of Alison with Spencer’s shadow in the background the night she disappeared? 123. Is Alison’s ghost story about the twins real? If so, who are the twins?  Why would CeCe let the Liars think Ali was A? She said she was mad at the liars for being glad that Ali was dead, but she actively let them hate her. 124. Why did Bethany have Melissa’s riding helmet? 125. Why did Melissa say she saw Toby in London when she didn’t? 126. Why did Wren misspell the word “diagnosis”? 127. How did Wren know what Melissa and Spencer were talking about in 1x01 if he was in the barn and wasn’t present? Eavesdropping? 128. How did the moms get out of the basement? 129. Why was Alison threatening Spencer to tell Melissa the truth about Ian? She worded it as almost if someone else was going to plan on telling Melissa.. and why does it matter to Alison? 130. “Once she finds out the truth about you she’ll hate you.” What’s the truth about Toby? 131. Why was Toby in the girls locker room when Emily and Ben were in there? 132. Since the girls were blocking all unknown numbers, why was Wren’s number blocked when Wren tried calling Spencer? Wouldn’t Wren’s contact information be on Spencer’s phone since she tried to get in contact with him to tell Melissa the truth? 133. Why was Wren pretending to be drunk when he broke into Spencer’s house? 134. Who recorded Wren and Spencer and what happened to it? 135. How did Toby become a cop in 3 days? 136. Who was the fortune teller talking about when she said “There’s darkness in him maybe even violence or vengeance.”? She could’ve been talking about anyone…. 137. Why wasn’t Ian shocked to see Alison when she pushed him off the bell tower? He’s like “What are you doing here?” Did Ian know she was alive? 138. Mona sent a text saying “Thanks for getting Toby out of my way.” What the fuck was Toby in her way for? 139. Why weren��t Ali’s parents at the memorial service? 140. When Ian and Melissa went on their honeymoon they send a picture and Spencer says “isn’t that outside of dads office?” And Veronica says “Oh it doesn’t where they are when they’re in love.” so where did they go on their fucking honeymoon? 141. When exactly did Melissa loose her baby? Was Ian really the father? 142. Why did Mrs. D hire a PI if she didn’t want anyone to find out who hit Alison and that she buried her? 143. How did Toby’s sweater get back in his house? 144. Ian said “I’m doing this because I love your sister.” when trying to push Spencer off the bell tower but yet Melissa has been protecting Spencer all this time? So it doesn’t make any sense? 145. How come Mona didn’t know who pushed Ian off of the bell tower? A is suppose to know everything.. 146. Who cleared out Mona’s lair the day after she got revealed? CeCe couldn’t have done it. 147. Why didn’t nobody notice that Mona left for awhile to go hit Hanna with the car? Further more, all Hanna saw was Ezra and Aria making out and Noel writing on the back of the window so how did Hanna know “everything” like it was said in that text? She didn’t know shit…. 148. Who was Melissa talking to when Byron saw her on the phone where she says “do I have to call 911 to get your attention.”? 149. Charles liked vintage things and this was said by Jessica, but yet why did CeCe have a red convertible car in 3x09 that looked NOTHING like a vintage car? Again why weren’t the plot holes on CeCe cleared up before Marlene did anything else? 150. A has OCD and likes everything neat especially their black hoodies so why did CeCe have her books all over the place in her room at radley? They didn’t seem organized to me…. 151. Who was the lady in the red dress at the ball in 2x25? The camera kept focusing on her. 152. Who was the person that was wearing the black veil costume in the A mobile lair? Sara Harvey did not have a mask on when she came out of the church and got in the car with CeCe.. 153. Who got Wilden’s car out of the lake? Because I recall CeCe being at the lost woods and so was Sara.. 154. What did Spencer put in Alison’s casket? We learned about what everyone else put in there except for her. 155. What’s with all the apple references? 156. Who was the person in the greenhouse that attacked Emily? If it was Mona, then how would she have thrown Emily across the greenhouse if Emily is bigger than her? 157. Who set the fire at Jason’s when Hanna pulled out Jenna? Never confirmed if it was Mona. 158. Why was (supposedly) CeCe stroking herself on the computer screen in the Halloween store? (Was in Pretty Dirty Secrets) 159. Marlene confirmed on twitter that the bag Ian gave Jenna in season one had her flute in it….. why was Ian giving Jenna her flute? Why did he have it? 160. Who was Jason talking to on the phone in Pretty Dirty Secrets? 161. What the fuck happened to Meredith? We never heard from her again. 162. Who was the beach hottie? (Never confirmed but Marlene said she “thought” it was Wilden in an interview but I’m not taking that as confirmation when she doesn’t remember shit) 163. Who was the person in the redcoat at the Halloween store in Pretty Dirty Secrets? 164. Why was Jason staring at Lucas when they were on the Halloween train? Was it like a group thing to push Aria off? Like what the fuck. 165. Who was taking pictures for Ezra’s research? 166. Who smashed Connor’s car? 167. Were Alison’s visits to Spencer and Aria real? 168. What was the “prior engagement” Alison had to go to after leaving Emily’s house the day she disappeared? 169. How did Ali get Jason cut from their grandma’s will? 170. Why did Garret want to keep Spencer safe? 171. What else was in Ezra’s “research” boxes? 172. Why did Jenna wanna become friends with CeCe if she tried to drown her? 173. Why did Eddie Lamb recognize Aria? 174. Is Ezra really board shorts? That was never confirmed. 175. Who gave Emily the massage? Because according to Lucas, he didn’t start working for Mona until the ball in 2x25. 176. What was purpose of “Walking After Midnight”? 177. How did Mona end up in possession of Toby’s sweater, considering Alison did not have the sweater when Mona took Alison to the Lost Woods Resort that night? 178. Whose blood was on Toby’s sweater? 179. When Spencer was a person of interest in Alison’s murder, Veronica appears to trust that Spencer had nothing to do with Alison’s murder. However, in season four, Veronica tells Spencer to forget about that summer because she thought Spencer could have done something to Alison’s disappearance, based on how erratic Spencer was acting that summer. So why wasn’t Veronica more suspicious of Spencer when there was actually incriminating evidence against Spencer? 180. Considering Mona was the only “A” at the time, that would mean she was the one who got the picture of Alison leaving the hospital visiting Hanna. So does this mean that Mona knew Alison was sometimes roaming around Rosewood all the way back in season 1? 181. Who sent Alison the note saying “Your friends will see you soon” while she was in jail? 182. How long had A been planning/building the dollhouse? 183. Why didn’t Mona look shocked seeing Alison walking down the road when she got hit considering Mona thought she killed her? All of a sudden she realized in 6x10 that she killed Bethany? What? 184. Why did Leslie hate Bethany? 185. How does the hockey stick come in to play if Spencer was seen with a shovel and Ali was hit with a rock? 186. Why was Holden at the Kahn parties? What was Holden’s relevance? 187. Did Alison really lure Bethany to her house for Labor Day weekend or was someone contacting Bethany by pretending to be Alison? 188. Why aren’t the girls asking Alison questions or asking Ezra any questions since he’s got a bunch of important shit in his research? 189. Who did Nigel Wright call in New York City? 190. Since Sara Harvey is black veil, why was she delivering flowers to Bethany’s parents? 191. Since Sara Harvey is black veil, why was she delivering flowers to Bethany’s parents? 192. Who was the blond girl Ezra yelled at? 193. What was the original plan between Mona & Red Coat the night of the fire? (“you’re getting what you’ve always wanted”) 194. What was Garrett & Jason’s convo about on Jason’s porch? (Garret: “want to make sure we’re still cool Jason.” - Jason: “What does it matter now, it’s over.”) 195. Who’s blood is on Alison’s Ankle Bracelet? 196. Since it was “confirmed” in VIA INTERVIEW by Marlene that Shana was on the rooftop, why did it look like a fucking guy? 197. Who actually drugged Emily the night that the grave was dug up? Was it really Lucas? 198. Why were Lucas and Melissa told to distract Jenna at the Masquerade ball? 199. If Maya was already supposed to be dead how did she give Jason Ali’s belongings? 200. WHY ISN’T IAN’S SUICIDE BEING INVESTIGATED? 201. Beyond the Maya knew message is there more significants to Mona saying “miss Aria your a killer not Ezra’s wife”? 202. Why was Jenna at the Halloween store in a queen of hearts costume? 203. Why was Noel at the Halloween store fighting with Garret? 204. Other than Ali’s flashback, is there more to the importance of the isle of the dead painting? 205. Why was Toby driving the same car when he was trying to run down Lucas that Cyrus has? 206. What 2 things did Mona not do in season 1? 207. Why was Shana in ravenswood? 208. Why was Ezra’s lair in ravenswood? 209. Which friends cabin was it that ezra and Aria were staying at? 210. What ever happened to Ali’s grandmother and her will? 211. Did Garrett know Ali was alive because he said “people lie medical records don’t”? Or what was he talking about? 212. Where was Alison during those years when we thought she was dead? 213. What was the connection between Maya, Jenna, and Noel? 214. Why was Spencer attacked on the train and by who? 215. Who else was on the Halloween train? 216. Why were Jenna and Sydney dressed like twins? 217. Why did Noel kill Sara?

218. What was the point of the comic book that Charles and Lucas made? What was the significance of that? Just to make Lucas look shady? What??

PLEASE REBLOG THIS IF THERE’S MORE QUESTIONS THAT WEREN’T ANSWERED. NOTHING was answered or explained in the finale except for the stuff about Uber A even though they’re a new character👏🏻

#unanswered pll questions #plot holes #pll theories #pretty little liars

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