#now i can only think about the very fact that i love emet and ffxiv so much

[b00kwyrm7]

In lieu of an Ao3 comment

(since I don't have an account yet hhhhh) I'm doing a tumblr review of an incomplete fic from a series I adore very much! Why? Partly in honour of the fact that the adrenaline rush I got when I saw the update was so intense it shocked me into staying awake and attentive through my entire chemistry class 🙏🙏 also this has become my comfort series lately. It was so difficult to keep a straight face, the angst-lover in me was so gleeful.

Now, onward!

Fandom: FFXIV, spoilers for Shadowbringers

Authors: the amazing @azems-familiar and @sunderedazem

HE CUT HIMSELF OFF FROM THE LIFESTREAM?? Emet-Selch were you just planning to float in the Rift forever-

Hhh after everything he still trusts the Exarch and the Warriors TOT

:OOOOO Elidibus!!

Literally had to put a screenshot cause. I love this so much. Sliding this scene into the bookshelf in my soul. No words only cry. There's just something about Elidibus being so gentle, and his last traces of memory.

Of course he regrets ascending Fandaniel because of his opinions on THEATRE you fussy old man. This made me giggle though

URGH FANDANIEL WHY

Oh...the first place he thinks of to get help from is the tower...without even thinking... TOT

(remembers AN at the start saying this takes place after 5.3) (reads Emet-Selch going up the stairs) OH. OHHH. YESS

This scene is just. So well-written. I almost started kicking my legs with delight in class. *slots this scene into my bookshelf*

The way he's slowly dying but his grief just numbs out everything else until it's sundown before he begins to move again

A KISS!! A PROMISE!! WAUGH

A walk in the rain with a stab wound this poor man

Elidibus had the right idea (let👏him👏rest) but sadly plot needs must be fueled

;-;

Chapter 2!!

(and in comes the authors with the steel chair) TATTOO!!! YES!!!

Omg Corrain knows about Emet-Selch's Darkness-aligned aether 👀 it's so cool how he's modifying his healing magic for it

I suspect Emet-Selch is barely processing what he's seeing at this point (understandably)

TOT G'raha supports him and he just lets go (he's safe, he's among his trusted, his loves ;-;)

Just the way small intimacies are written in this series just makes me want to incorporate it into my own style so badly

Also Alphinaud and Alisaie being here in the background is such a nice touch

Lelesu is such a steady rock in this storm 🙏🙏🙏 so quick on the uptake too

The image of G'raha crying quietly next to the two ppl he loves once everything is settled is so bittersweet

Lelesuuuu

Hmm G'raha in-game is an all-rounder, but in this AU once his connection to the Tower has been broken, what magics can he do now? Seems like healing is not in the repertoire anymore

PROMISE!!!

The tea. The freaking plays from Voeburt *puts head in hands* HHHHHHHHHH

'delicate art of Ascian wrangling' well said well said

Before this series I never read a fic with two WoLs, but because Corrain and Lelesu have been written so well I actually think it's so much more fitting. Just the way their dynamic works and how it affects their relationship between themselves, with the ✨horrors✨ and with the rest of the Scions? I know FFXIV has the WoL be so solitary (even with the Scions) but just the thought of someone else who truly knows what you've been through on an equal level is so comforting tbh

If you've gotten to the end of this thanks so much holy crap. Idk if I'll do many more of these but if you're a fellow player 🫵 pls read the fic!! And the series!! Its all so wonderful I can't say enough about it XD

[ungrateful-cyborg-moved]

10 fandoms, 10 characters, 10 tags

Basic rules: choose 10 fandoms that you are part of/support, and choose a favorite character from each of those. Then, tag ten folks!

Tagged by: @miqojak! Ty! It didn't even take me half a year to get around it this time XD

In no particular order, except for the first one ever since I'm 16. Also finding 10 fandoms is kinda hard because I'm def not that active, or even a passive participant, in so many fandoms so you'll get a glimpse of my younger self instead :'D

And long post ahead so thank you in advance if you've taken the time to go through this list!

Kanon, from Saint Seiya

Look, this is the blorbo and if you see similarities between his backstory and Kazan's, no you don't. Mentioning either him or the manga is enough to get my friends to sigh and groan as they await the inevitable gushing/rant that'll follow (which reminds me that I haven't, actually, gushed about him or ranted about the manga in quite a while now). Which is to say, I love lonely sad villains/antiheroes and if you've ever seen me mentioning the forbidden blorbo, now you know who I'm talking about.

Emet-Selch, from FFXIV

At this point I feel like I should mention that I do not stand in favor of manipulating or killing people as a form of therapy :'D

A bit more seriously though, I think he's the first character I felt so viscerally about in the game? Like I never agreed with his views but going through ShB I really hoped we'd managed to bring him to our side. My tragedy-loving ass won't complain about how ShB ended for him, mind you, but still.

Honorable mention for Thancred too, whom I feel more and more attached to as times passes, and also Y'shtola but in her case it's perhaps more the fact that she's, in terms of behavior, very much My Type.

Madi, from Black Sails

There are many great characters in that TV show and if you haven't seen it, I can only recommend it to you. But really, Madi is my favourite of the lot and definitely the inspiration for Inge if I had to pick one.

Between her cleverness, her dignity, her integrity, her charisma, her dedication to her people and her cause and her curiosity about others, what's not to love about her?

Varric Tethras, from Dragon Age 2 / DA:I

I was hesitating between Isabela and Cullen, but then I remembered the Best Companion Ever and how could I not put Hawke's most loyal friend on the list? I love him, love his loyalty, how he stays compassionate despite all he goes through, his sense of humor, his honesty... Only wish we could have romanced him in DA:I, but on the other end I like his story with Bianca so I'm not too sad about not being able to.

Byakuya Kuchiki, from Bleach

In the spirit of this dash game I'll respect the rules and make a choice, but if I'd filled this list any other day, I might have put Grimmjow there instead :'D

Anyway. I love a stubborn man with a stick up his ass and too many (conflicting) principles despite a rebellious heart who needs to be almost killed to start thinking that perhaps, just perhaps, he could have handle a Situation better.

And I love this character development past that point.

He wasn't an inspiration for Wolfe, but they're very much alike in several aspect. Byakuya is, however, a lot better at keeping a straight face.

Lois Habiba, from Torchwood S3

I haven't watched Torchwood in a long time but I remember her. In fact I remember Lois better than I remember some of the main cast.

She was just a normal young woman who had managed to get a really good job and risked everything to do the right thing and idk. She was just a really solid character that deserved better recognition.

Dean Winchester. Do I need to say from where?

Look, I loved all five seasons of Supernatural. A shame they didn't add more later!

And with Dean it's a bit personal so I'm not gonna go deep in details about it, but let's just say that there's quite a bit of me that I recognized in him and I just want to give that man a hug.

Donna Noble, from Doctor Who

I'm not up to date with the new seasons/episodes so no spoilers please!

But hm, yeah. I think what I loved the most about how Russel T. Davies was directing the show was how real his everyday people turned companion felt, and while I preferred Rose when I was younger, the older I get, the more appreciation I have for Donna.

She's just so full of life and character, so brave and so unapologetic about being herself despite her self-esteem issues, but I think what I love above all else about her is how she always acted as an equal to the Doctor.

I'm gonna repeat myself but really, the older I get, the more I love her. And I really need to catch up :'D

Cain Hargreaves, from the Cain saga

Honestly I don't expect anyone to remember this manga XD It's an old one I read when I was a teenager and one of the few I kept despite not having re-read it in 10+ years. I don't remember that much from it but I do remember the ending quite well.

Anyways. Cain's a young earl with a tragic past, a strong sense of justice, more money than common sense, a love for poisons and a fear of commitment. Truly, what could go wrong with such a character?

Also:

"Have I ever failed a promise to you? - Yes, all the time." after his sister made him swear he'd come back to her alive is just perfect.

Spike, from BtVS

He's devoted, he's cruel, he's romantic, he's brave, he's pathetic, he's capable of taking responsibility for his actions... I love a multifaceted character and I've had a soft spot for Spike ever since I've watched the series for the first time.

I rewatched it not too long ago and it didn't age that well imo, or maybe I'm just more critical than I used to be, but I still think Spike is an awesome character and I love that it was in spite of Whedon's intentions for him.

---

And I believe that brings me at 10 characters for 10 fandoms! It strangely feels more like undressing in front of strangers than actually undressing in front of strangers :'D So obviously I'm gonna tag a few people to do it too:

@under-the-blood-moonlight @merlwybs-wife @voidtekarc @alannah-corvaine @ashenbun @zhauric @biff-adventurer @tea-and-conspiracy and @confusedtia! And frankly anyone else who wants to!

[noxtivagus]

i am thinking about ffxiv. my head still aches but in a good way now

[crystalbahamut]

victory in stages

FFXIV Write Day 10: heady

Summary: You’re used to being liked because you’re useful, but it’s harder to believe someone likes you for…well…you, and you’re not brave enough to ask. Luckily, you have a plan to get around that. A stupid plan, perhaps, but a plan.

Warnings: Shadowbringers spoilers, unspecified/ambiguous WoL, they/them used for WoL, WoL has low self-esteem, such low self-esteem they have to get knocked about the head, literally, mild violence, 2nd person, G’raha Tia/WoL

Words: 3,363

 ---

Purging the remnants of the Lightwardens from you would have been enough to make you feel weightless but combined with the defeat of Emet-Selch, the fact that you had gone into a fight and come out with no causalities, the fact that G’raha Tia had stood in front of you, hurt but so gloriously awake and alive…

You were so overwhelmed by gratitude, by things going so right for once and so drunk on the heady feeling of absolute victory you had surged forward and grabbed G’raha in your arms and squeezed. He had gasped and hugged back, stammering your name…

…But now, a couple of days removed from it, you’re wondering if you hadn't just…startled him.

“Did you travel back to the Source without telling us?”

You jolt up, taking your chin from your hand and sitting back to face Alisaie and Y’shtola, who look unamused and amused, respectively. “Sorry,” you say. “What were you saying?”

Alisaie rolls her eyes and looks askance at Y’shtola. “It’s probably a good thing we made them sit with their back to the Crystal Tower or we’d never catch their attention again.”

You frown. “What's that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, nothing.” But Y’shtola smiles into her cup as she merely holds it to her lips. “You seem to be very deep in thought, is all. One has to wonder what has caught your mind so thoroughly.” Her smile widens. “Or who.”

You duck your head between your shoulders at the insinuation. “Oh, it’s not…”

“Please, you’ve been asking after the Exarch ever since we got back from the Tempest,” Alisaie says. “Haven’t you gotten tired of his company even a little?”

“I haven’t seen him since we came back.”

Both Y’shtola and Alisaie lose the teasing edge and sit forward. “What?” Alisaie asks in disbelief.

You shrug, very uncomfortable with where this conversation is going. There must still be some sin eaters around somewhere that need killing, right? That seems like more fun than being subjected to Y’shtola’s and Alisaie’s very special brands of tough love. “He’s still the Exarch helping run an entire city, and I’m just…what he needed me for is done. There’s no reason for him to want to see me.”

“Did he say that?!” Alisaie asks and starts to rise.

“Oh I severely doubt it.” Y’shtola grabs Alisaie’s sleeve and pulls her back down into her seat. “You know our friend and their insecurities.”

“Hmf.” Alisaie crosses her arms but looks less murderous, at least. “Honestly, I thought that would all be assuaged by that show of affection in the Tempest. I didn’t know a hug could be so fraught and romantic.”

“I think I just surprised him.” You stare down at your cup. The tea is likely lukewarm but you don’t pour more; you doubt you’ll drink it. “I’ve been meaning to talk to him, to ask him if–…Back when we first explored the Crystal Tower, I thought maybe he might…but then he locked himself away, and that answered that. But before we went to fight Vauthry he said some things that implied maybe he…might feel something for me, but I haven’t asked him about it since, and…”

You look up and jerk back. Alisaie and Y’shtola are both just staring at you. You feel like crawling under a rock for the rest of your miserable life. “It’s stupid, isn’t it?” you say and hide your face in your hands. “Gods; please forget I brought it up.”

“The Exarch spent a hundred years trying to prevent your death,” Alisaie says, speaking slowly. “Nearly sacrificed his own life to do so, calls you things like his ‘inspiration’ with sickening amounts of adoration, looks at you like you hung the stars in the sky, and you don’t think he’s madly in love with you?”

“I don’t know if he likes me romantically.” You duck down into your shoulders again. “Just because other people think I’m a hero that needs to go on living doesn’t mean there’s any deeper attachment to it. Stories can inspire, but at the end of the day they’re just that– stories.” You take a sip of your drink and grimace. It’s not even lukewarm anymore. “Also, the stars thing…technically I did bring back the night.” You put the cup down. “But I was supposed to do that. Now that I’m not useful anymore–”

“Warrior!” one of Lyna’s soldiers says, nearly breathless as she rushes up. “The captain bid me give a message to you.”

“What is it?” you say and stand.

“There’s been sightings of sin eaters accumulating over by Sullen; they seem to be disorganized and frenzied– likely starving and desperate– but there’s a similar issue by the Ostall Imperative that has most of the soldiers occupied; they won’t get to the settlement in time. Please, will you–”

“Understood.” You grab your weapon and relief surges through you– it’s terrible, probably, considering the danger people are in, but at least you can still be considered useful. “I’ll head out to Sullen right away.”

“Wait for me!” Alisaie says, leaping after you and you hear Y’shtola and the soldier talk about grabbing Thancred and the rest of them just before the two of you run off.

 ---

There is nothing quite like a successful battle, you think as you trudge back into the Crystarium with Alisaie emanating the same sense of relief behind you. Your blood is raging and your mind is clear; you feel like you can fight a primal. Maybe two primals. You feel like–

“Thank goodness you’ve returned safely.”

You stop so suddenly Alisaie bumps into you. She curses but you don’t really listen to what she’s saying. How can you, when G’raha is standing right there, looking so radiantly healthy and smiling at you like he truly is grateful to see you.

“Coming to see us back? I hope you weren’t worried,” you tease, and are rewarded by a slight flush of his cheeks.

Thancred mutters something too low for you to hear and that’s probably for the best, as Alphinaud chokes.

“Yes, well.” G’raha clears his throat and smiles. “‘Tis always a pleasure to see you all return safely.”

“And here I thought I might be special,” you say, with absolutely no acrimony.

Alas, G’raha doesn’t blush, but there is a rather fetching mischievous sheen to his expression when he says, “There was never any doubt of that.”

You swallow hard. Is he flirting? Does he mean it like you want him to? You almost mean to continue– to see how far he’ll let you go– but apparently the healers have been warned of your coming because a few of them come to escort you to Spagyrics, and as you sit for healing and bandaging and whatever else, the adrenaline settles and you start to second-guess everything again.

“You see?” Alisaie says pointedly. “He was waiting for you.”

“He was waiting for all of us,” you say and sigh. “And I was…was I inappropriate? I don’t think so, but…”

“By the Twelve, you can’t be serious,” Thancred groans. “You were so brave not half a bell earlier, I thought you were making real headway.”

“I always feel braver after a battle. It’s…” You try to think about it. “I guess after fighting for my life everything else just seems easier.”

“Would that we could bottle that bravery for you,” Thancred huffs and stands, shifting his shoulder and thanking the healer.

You sigh. “If I had a gil for every time I thought–” Wait a moment. You can’t bottle it…but you can try to manipulate it. All you have to do is talk to G’raha immediately following a fight. And that isn’t a difficult thing to do– leatherworkers need Smilodon skins, Hoptraps breed like crazy…

Alphinaud says your name as if cautious. “What are you thinking?”

“If I’m not brave enough to talk to G’raha normally, I can make myself brave enough to talk to G’raha,” you say and punch your fist.

“Excellent work, Thancred,” Alisaie says sharply.

“Y’shtola is going to kill me,” he groans in reply.

“No; this is a great idea,” you insist, because it is. “I fight things all the time and I’m still alive! This is perfect; it’s just a little adrenaline rush, nothing big.”

“Y’shtola is going to kill you,” Alphinaud sighs and Thancred nearly whimpers.

You are going to prove them all wrong and find out once and for all what G’raha truly thinks of you.

Win-win.

 ---

So your first fight does…not quite go according to plan. You found a strange looking horse while traveling through Lakeland and tried to get a better look at it, only to be immediately kicked back by hooves and knocked out. At least the sun is still out when you wake up again, but when you try to get up your ribs are definitely badly bruised, if not mildly broken. You use what healing magics you have to patch yourself back up and carry on your way. You try not to be grateful that you can’t find the horse again.

You find a botanist in a spot of trouble and help him by gathering lumber amongst a gaggle of angry triffids. It’s perfect– you get knocked around a little bit but dodging branches and putting down angry trees is surprisingly challenging and gets your blood flowing. And you help someone. A win-win indeed.

You try to clean yourself up just a little bit and head straight for the Ocular, only to be stopped by the guard.

“So sorry, but he’s in a meeting right now; no interruptions,” the man says regretfully.

“Oh, of course!” It makes sense; G’raha is still The Crystal Exarch, leading a city, doing so many important things…

The rush fades quickly and you head back to your room in defeat. G’raha comes by later, looking so sorry when he apologizes for missing you earlier, but you do your best to wave him off.

“It wasn’t that important,” you say and thankfully a yawn overtakes you.

“I’ll not trouble you any longer, then,” he says and steps back, bids you goodnight.

You watch him leave, thinking about calling him back with every step, and yet he turns a corner without a word from you.

You sigh, but it’s only day one. Tomorrow will be better.

 ---

Tomorrow is not better.

Neither is the day after that.

Neither is the day after that.

You are a capable fighter, truly– sometimes you think it’s all you’re truly good for, being thrown at violence like a martially adept doll– but you just keep having problems. Most of them are scheduling conflicts, as G’raha is still an important man and you still have responsibilities of your own, but the healers are proving far too troublesome as they seem to intercept you ninety-percent of the time. You sourly wonder if they have a magic mirror they can watch the world in as you trundle back to your room late one night.

Or perhaps they have informants.

The next day you take a little break. Or so you tell everyone. Y’shtola seems quizzical (you wonder if no one told her about this plan of yours) and your other friends seem relieved. Especially Thancred.

“I’m just doing a little delivery job this morning,” you tell them. “No fighting; since I’m carrying goods I’ll be avoiding confrontation. I’ll be back tonight.”

Sure enough, when you get back from your delivery you spy a healer watching as you come through the main plaza, and when she sees that you’re well she goes back to Spagyrics.

Snitches. Well you’re not so easily foiled– you go back to your room and then use the aetheryte at Fort Jobb to get back to Lakeland proper. The strange horse has been spotted and a few other hunters with Clan Nutsy are keen to take the job. With help, it shouldn’t take you long at all, and G’raha is almost never busy at this time of night. It’s perfect.

 ---

Up until you get knocked headfirst into a tree. That and the fact that it takes much longer than expected means you all but storm into the Crystarium later than expected, and feeling too foul to see G’raha. Sure, you can fight a primal, but with your mood you’d chew up and spit out a Lightwarden too, which is hardly conducive for a love confession.

But then there’s G’raha, calling your name before you get too far. “I was looking for you earlier; Urianger said you’d gone to your room but–” He jerks back when he sees you and his eyes widen in surprise, and concern, and so much care that your anger fizzles like an overloaded lamp. “What happened?”

“Bad luck,” you say and sigh. “And if I see a healer I might…do something I’ll regret. I’m sorry, G’raha, but maybe we can talk later.”

“Oh no; the blood on your face is worrisome enough, but the way you look makes me think you may have a concussion,” he says. “Pray, if you will not see a healer, would you allow me to care for you?”

There is a right answer, a wrong answer, and an inappropriately desperate answer, and your tongue twists on the latter. G’raha doesn’t wait for you to speak– he grabs your hand and pulls you along behind him, and you become so focused on that (he’s holding your hand) you barely realize what’s going on before you’re in a room in the tower you’ve never seen before, where there’s a bed and a nightstand and…

Maybe you do have a concussion.

“Here,” he says and sits you on the bed. It’s a really nice bed.

“With as much as you do I’m surprised you ever sleep,” you say and feel over the soft top blanket while he prepares something or other for…something or other. Why are you here again? You try to shake your head and gasp in pain. Right. Concussion.

“Easy; no need to cause yourself more pain,” G’raha murmurs and sits next to you. He cleans your face as gently as he can and you try to hide how much you ache regardless. You feel a little clearer, a little more focused, and you try to remain that way. “And I don’t sleep much, but it looks like you’re picking up my bad habits, friend. You’ve been keeping so busy lately,” he says as he bandages the cut on your forehead. “I feel like every time I try to see you you’re out doing something or another.”

“I’m not…doing that much.” You swallow. “I’m just trying to be useful, and, well, fighting is all I’m good for.”

“It’s not all you’re good for.”

“It’s helpful,” you insist. “For me too. I needed to–…to…”

“To?” G’raha repeats and you wonder if maybe the concussion can take you now, because G’raha has always been the same when he gets one little piece of information– he hounds about it. Relentlessly.

You sigh. Heavily. If it gets too hard you’ll clam up, and he’ll be disappointed, and then where will you be. But G’raha says your name, and so you steel yourself to try. “I needed…to be brave,” you say and wince as he dabs at a cut on your hand. “I wanted…I wanted to talk to you.”

He slows his motions and then stops. “My friend,” he says gently; he’s always so gentle and sweet it makes you nearly sick with want. “What would make you so afraid to talk to me? After all we have been through together, surely you can tell me most anything?”

“It might be stupid. Presumptive,” you admit. “And I…I don’t want you to think less of me.”

Gentle fingers touch the bottom of your chin and tilt it up. You stare into crimson that somehow looks so adoring, but does he adore you as a savior…or a person? “My dear friend,” he says. “There is nothing in this world that can make me think less of you.”

Staring at him, you feel your heart pound like it’s going to burst out of your chest and you think– you can’t do this anymore. If you don’t find out you’ll go crazy; you have to know, whether it hurts or not. “G’raha, in Kholusia, before Vauthry– were you talking about me?” you say, trying to speak as fast as you can, before you lose your nerve. “Do you like me? Romantically?”

He stares at you. Dumbfounded.

Like he couldn’t possibly have predicted this.

You swallow a lump of tears and feel shame settle upon you heavier than the world itself. You look down to try and maintain some dignity. “F-forget I said anything; I’m so, so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I swear–”

“I thought I was obvious.”

You blink. You lift your head and some of the nausea quells. G’raha is smiling softly at you and wringing the cloth in his hands, even though it’s nearly gone fully dry. “I didn’t want to pressure you,” he says. “You seemed to shy away from me so I thought I would give you some time to figure out your feelings, for mine– mine have always been thus, ever since the first time I saw you again after you cleared the labyrinth and my heart swelled to see you safe.”

“Really? Even then?” you ask.

“Oh, most certainly.” It is adoration in his eyes as he slides his hand over your cheek and you lean into his touch. “How could you sound so disbelieving?”

“I’m just…me. I go where I’m needed and do as I’m told. If anybody else had the blessing they’d be twice the hero,” you say but you can’t help but slide your hand over his. “But you, G’raha, you’re strong and smart and kind and clever and you’ve always been so much more; are you sure you–”

He kisses you so suddenly he has to hold your shoulder to keep you from falling back. But it’s so good, you forget all about trying to talk some sense into him. He pulls back to pant for air and you try to stop the swimming of your head. You are not letting a concussion get in the way of this. “My friend– my love,” he corrects and it’s your heart that swells. “Anyone could have had the blessing and not been a tenth of what you are. If only you could see what I see.”

“I-I can try.” You know it gets tiring for people to have to listen to what you think about yourself sometimes– even your friends have gotten fed up on occasion– and you don’t want to drive him away. If he thinks you’re good enough for him, you can but try to be good enough for him– without getting knocked in the head again, you hope.

“Good,” he says simply and brings your hand to his lips to press a kiss to the back of it. “However we will have to continue this when you no longer have a head injury.”

“It’s not that bad,” you say and try to lean in for at least one more kiss, but you wobble, and the next thing you know G’raha is laying you on the bed.

“I’ll be checking in on you often to make sure that concussion isn’t severe.” He squeezes your hand and smiles. “By morning you’ll take back everything you said, for how much you’ll want to murder me.”

You squeeze his hand and return his smile. “If I didn’t drown you in a puddle in the Shroud, I’m not going to be that cross with you now.”

You fall asleep to his laughter.

 ---

When morning comes it’s even brighter (in a good way) than it has ever been. You and G’raha have breakfast together, and hold hands, and when G’raha kisses you goodbye as you leave him to get some work done you practically float across the Crystarium to share the good news.

Your friends, touchingly, are very happy for you.

Y’shtola doesn’t even kill Thancred when she finds out what incited the whole thing.

(It’s a near thing though.)

[saanphoenix]

“Why do so many old-school FFVII fans think that Cloud took Zack’s memories?”

Alright, so first things first. We gotta start from the beginning. We gotta start with Jenova.

Jenova is the name given to the alien entity known as the Calamity. “Heaven’s dark harbinger.” This being, assumed to be female because of the body she was in at the Crater, was basically godlike in her natural abilities. Historically, she was able to shapeshift. She was telepathic. She had a nigh indomitable will. And she used her abilities to infect the race of human(oid)s that happened upon her crash site--the Cetra.

Now, Ifalna, within the English translation of the OG, states that Jenova turned the Cetra into monsters, nearly wiping them all out, and that the wee few that remained basically had to be sacrificed to seal Jenova away before she could do anymore damage to all life on the planet. The notes Sephiroth finds within the Shinra Mansion seem to corroborate this version of events, as he tells Zack that the Cetra chose to fight the Calamity while the other humans “hid”, thus being spared Jenova’s shenanigans, allowing them to become the dominant race on the planet, but ultimately being cowards unworthy to be the shepherds of any star, to quote Emet-Selch from FFXIV. Stay with me now.

We also know that the notes Sephiroth reads within the Shinra Mansion do not, in any way, call Jenova the Calamity. They still refer to her as a Cetra. Meaning that those notes are outdated, before the discovery of a living Cetra, a Cetra who is 2000 years removed from her own people’s history. Right? So.

(’Ah, but what about Genesis point-blank telling Sephiroth the truth? He knew what was up!’ Yes, because Hollander and Hojo found out from Gast’s recordings, and Ifalna herself, what Jenova actually was, and then Hollander told Genesis, who then said some stupid ass shit to trigger Sephiroth into looking into the wrong information, and now Nibelheim is not Nibelheim anymore and Cloud is missing one more family member than he was when he joined Shinra. Also, fuck Genesis. Anyway.)

HOJO, yeah? Hojo, in two separate novels written by Nojima himself, states to Aerith and Tseng separately that Jenova 1) will inevitably infect all life on the planet with her “cells” because of the very nature of the Lifestream and 2) turned the Cetra against each other via subtle manipulation and illusions of their loved ones, dead or alive, conceived from their own memories. She didn’t show up looking like the Eldritch horror with the eyeball nipple, she showed up looking like a run-of-the-mill Cetra. And she would further disguise herself as people a Cetra knew in order to gain their trust. And then, after she had gained that trust, she would say shit like, “Hey. Your friend over there hates you,” or, “Hey. Your friend over there wants to kill you.” And thus the Cetra, at the very least morally but probably also physically, became monsters and tore themselves apart.

You ever wonder why everything the Cetra had was booby-trapped and hidden behind riddles and self-sacrificial bullshit like their Temple? My guess is because Jenova made it so they couldn’t trust anyone, even themselves.

“Why did I read all that? What does that have to do with Cloud voring Zack’s memories?”

Because we gotta understand the mechanics of this bitch first so that we know what to look out for.

Now, we have an alien in stasis--presumed dead but definitely not--and a buncha scientists who really want a coveted spot sucking President Shinra’s dick as head of the Science Dept. who all think that taking the genetic material of a Cetra and splicing it into a modern-day human’s DNA will give them a Geiger counter to the Promised Land. Which they want to use as fuel because only some of them really understand what mako is and the others are just fucking stupid. Anyway, my guess is that they archeology their way to Jenova’s still-kinda-alive corpse and do some DNA testing and go, “Ah! We’ve found a Cetra. It has to be one! She’s by the crater, after all, and that’s where some of them were nuked by a Meteor! :) We’re geniuses!” And Jenova, in the Lifestream, went, “GOTCHA, BITCH!”

And through the power of dino DNA, out pops a lot of nonviable lifeforms, some monsters, and, eventually, a relatively normal kid with a flare for the dramatic who will become wholly obsessed with apples and very boring literature that he will insist on repeating every five goddamn seconds. As he was no Geiger counter to the Promised Land, out pops another relatively normal kid who will grow up to have dreams, and honor, and steal food from his neighbors because he was so damn honorable that he just could not ask for a handout.

With Hollander and Gillian’s experiments not producing anything of note other than children that need love and support, Hojo and Lucrecia decide to take a slightly different sample of Jenova’s cells and just start sticking them everywhere. They’re in Lucrecia. They’re in Lucrecia’s fetus. And...something strange starts to happen.

Lucrecia starts to feel the effects of Jenova. Lucrecia’s mind and body start to kind of deteriorate. Not the way that Genesis’ and Angeal’s do later on, but she is plagued by shit like severe depression and fatigue. She falls out on the floor multiple times. Her bodyguard is a little late on pulling the trigger of the gun aimed at her husband and, instead of doing anything productive about her husband proving he’s an amoral murderous fuckhead, she just decides to play doll with her kinda undead bodyguard, get even sicker, and then, finally, pops out a very strange looking baby. In fact, he looks a little alien.

“No, seriously, what does this have to do with anything?”

Genetics. How Jenova cells work. Whatever clump of cells they injected into Lucrecia, clearly different from those used in Project G, seemed to focus more on the mental fuckery aspect of Jenova than the physical, shapeshifting aspect of Jenova. I would also argue that one of the reasons Lucrecia was so adversely affected by the cells and Gillian was not is their mental well-being. Gillian, even when we meet her, seems very upbeat and doing pretty okay despite her husband having died from exhaustion a coupla years back. Lucrecia was depressed and very subservient even before she married Hojo. Losing her mentor--Vincent’s father--probably exacerbated that. And, later in Advent Children, that sort of mentality--hopelessness and despair--is what Sephiroth’s Geostigma feeds off of. That and thoughts of death/dying. But that is more speculation than anything.

So, Sephiroth’s cells are different from Genesis’ and Angeal’s, and they were all three bred differently, but they’re all kinda chimeras of Jenova’s. And once Genesis learns about his origins, it’s like the lightbulb goes off. This guy’s creating clones by infecting his 2nd and 3rd Class SOLDIERs with his own cells. And when he does that, their physical appearance becomes his own. As does their will. Whatever Genesis wants, the clones also want. And then he just grows a wing for shits and giggles. Once he tells his BFF Angeal the sitch, behold! He’s got monster clones--maybe because he realizes how fucked up overwriting a human being with yourself is--and wings, too. ...Why?

The power to do all of this shit was always there. It was genetically always there. They just had to be made aware of it, to have the puzzle piece put into place. When Sephiroth dies, that puzzle piece is put into place. And then he starts fuckin’ with shit. And turns into monstrous angels. And then dies again. And then comes back and finally grows himself his own wing. He did it, fellas. He’s a big boy now.

But we’re not here to talk about Sephiroth--ignore how much I talked about Sephiroth and his mommies previously--we’re here to talk about ZACK and CLOUD.

“What’s up with Zack and Cloud?”

First, what we must realize is that even though Hojo says that both Zack and Cloud are failed clones because they 1) didn’t take on any physical characteristics of Sephiroth, 2) didn’t seem controlled by Jenova (or Sephiroth) and, 3) didn’t exhibit the other signs of a Reunion impulse like the other clones in Nibelheim that does not mean that Sephiroth’s cells, Jenova’s cells, are not working on them.

As we’ve observed in other 1sts, abilities do not always manifest immediately or even noticeably. Clearly, Sephiroth’s physical appearance is a bit of a hint, but Genesis and Angeal look pretty damn normal and, if it weren’t for their mako injections, they probably wouldn’t be showing that much of an increase in physical capabilities. Theoretically. Maybe 10-year-old Angeal had biceps the size of a man’s head. I mean. Pff.

Zack’s tolerance to Jenova was strong due to his previous exposure in the SOLDIER program. Cloud’s mind broke pretty early on. Neither of these results matter to the fact that they both now have Sephiroth’s cells within them--just as Genesis’ and Angeal’s clones had theirs--and that their very wills are now going to be affected by Sephiroth’s. But they are also going to be a little bit like him in terms of power.

Zack’s hair, when ingested by a Genesis clone, a clone of a Type-G SOLDIER, transforms that clone into a monster. Zack doesn’t even have to do anything. The Jenova/Sephiroth cells within his body can just Do That, cause that change in another life form, of their own accord. I’m honestly shocked that, whenever they gave Zack these S-cells, HE didn’t turn into a monster. But that’s neither here nor there. I wanna talk about Cloud.

Cloud has mako poisoning, which the Remake describes as his spirit/soul being stuck between his body and the Lifestream. Weird. Anyway, he’s not fully aware of his surroundings at all times, and he clearly can’t control his body that much. He somehow has the ability to kinda get his feet shuffling, and I’m going to go on a limb and say he can chew whatever food Zack gives him, but most of the time, he’s a puppet with cut strings.

But he is also still recovering from a mind break caused by Jenova cells. The same cells that are just chilling in his body, like they are in Zack’s. And all the months Zack is dragging his ass across a continent, an ocean, and another continent, they and Cloud are listening to whatever the fuck Zack is saying. Cloud is also constantly in physical contact with Zack.

In The Kids Are Alright: A Turks Side Story, Kadaj has the power to not only read surface thoughts and memories just by being near someone, but he can also read deeper ones by making physical contact with someone. Because Jenova. And Sephiroth, whose cells Cloud and Zack have, in the OG demonstrates that he, too, can glean thoughts and memories from others. Because Jenova.

If this power is a genetic trait, as it is with Genesis and Angeal, then, sitting pretty underneath their skin, Zack and Cloud have this ability. Dormant. Snoozing. Kinda like the 1st Class Trio’s wings.

But Zack has a high tolerance and a high ignorance to Jenova and just what he might be capable of. Cloud’s mind is floating in and out at best. He’s not in control of himself. And when you have a situation like that, it is very, very easy to come to the conclusion that Cloud’s Jenova cells are passively absorbing the memories of Zack’s time in Nibelheim. That they are knitting these memories together with what little remain in Cloud’s head. That when Tifa comes across Cloud at the train station and calls him by name and remembers who he is that Cloud’s Jenova cells latch onto those memories in Tifa--as Sephiroth tells them they did--and they knit those memories with Zack’s and Cloud’s and the end result is the man we get at the beginning of the OG.

Because Cloud has visual memory of shit he never saw. It’s not just a visual medium telling a visual story. You wanna know how I know that for a fact? Because, in the Remake, Cloud remembers Sephiroth walking up to Jenova’s tank in the reactor from Sephiroth’s perspective. He is looking through Sephiroth’s eyes, through his memory, up at “Mother.” In that moment in the Remake, Cloud is Sephiroth. He’s not Cloud anymore.

Cloud sees Sephiroth delivering the speech of being an Ancient. Cloud wasn’t there. Cloud didn’t see that. Zack did. That is Zack’s memory.

The man writing the Remake is the same man who’s been at the head of MOST FFVII writing. He was on the OG, he wrote Advent Children, he wrote the novels, he wrote Crisis Core, he’s writing the Remake. He knows what these cells can do because he’s crafted this world-building for decades.

Cloud didn’t take all of Zack’s memories. He didn’t need to. Kadaj, in the novel, doesn’t glean everything from someone right off the bat. Because he doesn’t need to. Only when he needs to learn something else does he go digging. The same is probably true for what Cloud’s cells most likely did to be able to know what he knows. Hell! Kadaj gets punched in the novel and he ACCIDENTALLY picks up the emotions and memories of the guy who punched him. He didn’t want ‘em but he got ‘em!”

There is evidence within the OG, and even more within the Compilation, that lend weight to the theory that Cloud unintentionally read Zack’s mind when it came to the events of Nibelheim.

For years, people have wondered, “How the hell does Cloud know that if he wasn’t there?” For years, people have wondered, “How can he use the Buster Sword if he was just a little grunt that used a gun all the time?” The logical answer is, “Because of his Jenova cells. They can just do that shit.”

[makeela]

Top 12 Most Unfuckable Men In FFXIV (according to a lesbian)

(WARNING: This list contains spoilers up to 5.0)

12. Urianger Augurelt

Urianger is the least unfuckable man in Final Fantasy XIV. Mostly because, well - look at him. That’s the look of a man who has either fucked a lot or never once in his life, and we all saw Moenbryda. If Urianger told me he wanted to “smasheth mine pussy” I would have no choice but to accept, if only because it’d be an experience. There is nothing wrong with wanting to fuck Urianger.

11. Aymeric de Borel

Aymeric was originally in Urianger’s spot when I was thinking about this list, and the only reason he’s not is because he has definitely never fucked before in his life. So aggressively has he never fucked that when he was born, he had to come out via cesarean section, so that he might not have touched pussy even once. You would have to have a several year long committed relationship with him and it still wouldn’t happen until after his dumbass best friend gets possessed by a giant dragon and he’s trying real hard to stave off those Unholy Urges. It doesn’t work. This does not change the fact that, if I had to choose a man, I would be honored for Ser Aymeric de Borel to have a seat on my face.

10. Crystal Exarch

Haurchefant wants what the Crystal Exarch has: he’s smart, he’s cute, and his body is partially composed of rocks. All he wants is to go on an adventure with you, and maybe hold your hand. I feel like fucking the Crystal Exarch isn’t even sexual at this point, your emotional connection is just so deep that it’s only right to make him cry over and over. You’re being a good friend. You should fuck the Crystal Exarch.

9. Cid nan Garlond

I feel like Cid is the true neutral of this list. He’s funny, not objectively bad looking, loves to make shit for you and showers regularly. Unfortunately, he is not exceptionally memorable on a list of Male Characters I’d Be Interested In Maybe Fucking, If I Had To. I was almost done with this list before I even remembered that Cid is a major character, and not your best friend who you would never even consider fucking, just because that’s the kind of relationship you guys have. I would not fuck Cid, but not because there’s anything wrong with him; I just don’t want to fuck him. Sorry, Cid.

8. Gaius van Baelsar

Gaius van Baelsar definitely smells bad. He’s tried to kill you more than once, and two of those times was with a big robot that had god powers. However, like, just look at him. Imagine if he washed his hair. We all know how tall Alphinaud is, right? Look at how small he is by comparison. This is, in truth, the only reason he is in this spot and not one lower - he’s basically just a Metal Gear Solid character, which I am not mad about at all. I kind of wish Gaius was my father figure, and if, at some point, I ended up fucking him, I don’t think it would be the end of the world. I don’t think you should go out of your way to fuck Gaius van Baelsar, but if it happens, it happens, right?

7. Estinien Wyrmblood

I really wish I could justify ranking Estinien somewhere above Gaius. I really do. If I wasn’t trying to be at least semi-objective, he’d be right below Aymeric. He’s just so spiky. And Mean. And Sad. Unfortunately, I regret to inform you all and remind myself that there is no way that Estinien Wyrmblood does not, on a constant basis, smell like the inside of a Taco Bell, and I’m, like, at least 75% sure that he doesn’t know how to read. There also wouldn’t be much of a chase if you wanted to fuck Estinien, but unless he’s like, in love with you he’s also a very wham-bam-thank you ma’am kind of guy, and I’d be more into it if I got to braid his hair afterwards and gently reassure him that things were going to be okay. I wish I could recommend that you fuck Estinien, but I don’t think that’s the kind of physical comfort he needs right now.

6. Zenos yae Galvus

After Estinien I wasn’t sure who to put next, just because starting around here you get to Men I Am Neither Disgusted By Nor Benevolent Toward the concept of fucking, and I didn’t even think I had any of those until my friend, no hesitation, said “Zenos.” She is right. Zenos is pretty, he’s huge, he kills a lot of people and enjoys the job. This is a charm point for me. He also has absolutely no character traits otherwise so all he has is that he’s Pretty and Likes Murder. Talk to me again when he has depression and maybe we can re-evaluate.

5. Thancred Waters

Thancred and I have had a very tumultuous relationship. In ARR, he was alright. My opinion of him improved significantly in Heavensward, where he was just a long-haired eyepatched hobo who refused to revisit human civilization because he didn’t want to wear pants. In Shadowbringers, he just turned into a shitty dad, and I did not like that shit at all. They took his eyepatch and his ponytail and gave him Shitty Parenting Skills. If Thancred were my father figure, I would simply not speak to him. I could not be persuaded to fuck Thancred.

4. Magnai Oronir

I don’t need to explain this one.

3. Nabriales

I don’t think Nabriales is too much worse than, like, Lahabrea, in terms of fuckability - meaning that, if pressed, I would not choose to fuck either of them - but every time I get the Chrysalis in Trial Roulette half the party immediately drops. The Chrysalis isn’t even that hard, guys, just make sure someone limit breaks the tear. I love to MT the Chrysalis. As someone who consistently gets Thornmarch and Steps of Faith in Trials Roulette, I will kick the shit out of Nabriales any day. Just, not sexually. At all. Maybe a little bit if the off tank would turn off tank stance.

2. Hien Rijin

Hien is pretty cute. Unfortunately, he is also an imperialist, even though the MSQ doesn’t want to talk about that at all because he’s your buddy. Every single time I got a quest like “talk to Hien!” I would get so mad. I don’t want to talk to Hien. Every time I talk to Hien he just wants me to help him infringe on another race’s cultural events for his benefit. It wouldn’t even be a problem for me if it wasn’t encouraged and entirely uncriticized by the narrative. I don’t want to see or be seen by Hien.

1. Haurchefant Greystone

I didn’t play FFXIV for three years because I thought Haurchefant was a main character. Literally, for like, three years, many of my friends were like “Play FFXIV!” and I was like “no!” because I didn’t want to hear about Haurchefant more than I already had to. By the time I met him in MSQ, I was willing to give him a chance. I got it, at the beginning - he’s helpful, he’s complimentary. The problem is, that’s it. I think he sounds like Kif Kroker, and I think I would rather die than fuck him, which is saying a lot coming from me since I think most aliens are super sexy. After I knew Haurchefant for, like, two weeks, he invited me to come to his house and he was like “you have no idea how long I waited for this!” You waited two weeks, man. I understand that you live in an icy tundra and you’ve not felt the touch of another in years, because that’s the only way you could possibly be this horny by the time I stumble into your office, but Jesus Christ, dude. I wish I could be friends with Haurchefant, but I know this is simply not possible since he is so deeply horny that once the point was made the friendship could no longer recover. I am truly, deeply glad that I’ll never have to worry about having a Tinder date with Haurchefant go awry and he will never send me fifty texts asking for photos of my feet. Haurchefant is the most unfuckable man in Final Fantasy XIV. Sorry, Haurchefant. I wish things could be different.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

1. Nero tol Scaeva

Nero fucking sucks. I would probably fuck Nero. You should not fuck Nero.

2. Emet-Selch

I’m pretty sure that Emet-Selch wouldn’t even be DTF, at least not with the Warrior of Light. On the off chance that he was, though, I would definitely fuck Emet-Selch. I cannot see any good reasons why I shouldn’t fuck Emet-Selch. He is greasy, and old, and talks in riddles. This is extremely sexy to me. If these things are not extremely sexy to you, I don’t think you should fuck Emet-Selch.

[illegiblewords]

Hooooooo boy.

So apparently villain fan versus villain fan discourse is kicking up.

Have some reiterated opinions, some fresh ones, and some weird ones. Technically this is vagueblogging about some specific stuff but intent is no-drama here.

Emet-Selch versus Vauthry fan wank seems to be happening, which I’m sighing over because it’s a kind of ridiculous argument to have imo. Neither of these dudes are good people. Like we can debate accountability ‘til the cows come home and as I’ve been saying my opinions on insanity plea are strong. But like. I think at the very best we can argue for is a moral gray.

I can get Emet-Selch as a fallen hero/hero of Amaurot and for that reason haven’t been overly bothered by the “hero” line in the extreme fight. Vauthry is tragic but he’s basically inflicting forced cannibalism and mind control en masse. I personally am not of the opinion that he would qualify for a realistic insanity plea, so that impacts my measure of accountability. He’s also extremely, EXTREMELY familiar to me in how he thinks and behaves due to people I’ve encountered over the years. I understand how he got to a place where he thought those measures were acceptable. A form of mental illness is absolutely in play there as I read him, but it would not count toward the legal definition of insanity and for me that is significant.

As it stands, trying to claim whose behavior is less wrong is a stupid game to play when it’s genocide versus mass murder/forced cannibalism. Generally I’d rather opt out of that one because neither of these actions are things most people want to emulate. It seems like fans are more trying to decide who is moral enough to be allowed compassion/caring and who isn’t, which is an even more stupid game to play to my mind.

I don’t think having compassion and empathy for Emet-Selch or Vauthry are problems so much as selective compassion/empathy. As in “X person isn’t allowed to have compassion/empathy”.

I belong very much to the school of “everyone counts”. This means that in life some people inevitably go bad and commit atrocities that need to be stopped even if that means their death. It’s a very tragic thing when that happens and should be mourned, at least because if things had gone differently maybe the person would have turned out better. As long as you are able to remember the humanity of all involved (with the messiness that entails), odds are you’ll be able to navigate tough situations alright imo. When you start pretending some people are less than human, acceptable targets, or whose suffering otherwise doesn’t count--that’s extremely dangerous imo. It makes it easy to dismiss another person’s pain, which in turn makes it much easier to be cruel or callous. Sometimes needlessly.

Some additional bits:

- Emet-Selch did not say he would see the Sundered as less-than-human/not-really-alive/acceptable-targets if he wasn’t tempered. Attributing as much to him is literally, factually untrue. Moreover even if he had said it--he is an unreliable narrator on this front. He doesn’t know, he got tempered by the most powerful primal in existence. I’ve talked about how he lives the trolley problem before as well, which being added to tempering I think only exacerbates the level that he’s compromised. It’s a mind-wrecking situation.

- I’ve seen some people argue that because there was a point in time when Emet-Selch wasn’t tempered, his judgment while tempered isn’t as compromised as Vauthry’s is. That’s like arguing because someone at one point in their life did not have PTSD, or had not reached onset for Schizophrenia, therefore how they behaved and thought after developing those things is less compromising. It makes no sense to me as an argument. You could be born with a less severe condition that lasts your entire life while someone else is initially stable and gets completely crippled by mental illness. As it stands, I don’t even know if more severe/less severe is the way I’d even frame it because this seems like apples and oranges insofar as thought patterns go. They’re both fruit/both mentally ill characters but I mean other than that? Too different to get much from that comparison.

By the by. I know that I bring my own influences to the table in how I read things, but to me tempering absolutely reads as a mental illness allegory where it distorts a person’s existing thoughts in extreme ways that they would not do otherwise--but specifically distorting in such a way that serves the primal in question. I also think that other FFXIV characters show indications of different forms of mental illness, and I’m actually very impressed by how well the devs captured these.

Mental illness as a subject tends to get extremely complicated and people often have no idea how to deal with it. It’s also something that tends to get brushed aside, dismissed, or oversimplified today--both in fan communities and in-general. I’m glad people are having conversations about it, but good lord this is not a place to have pissing contests or try to impose pure good/evil morality.

- People are entering debate over Vauthry’s weight and whether joking about it is okay or not. I want to pose a few points. 1) Dulia Chai, also very overweight, does not receive the treatment Vauthry does and seems pretty beloved 2) Vauthry, in a period of widespread famine and as the person explicitly charged with ALL OF EULMORE’S WEALTH (as in, all of the people living under him surrendered their property in exchange for his protection) is seriously, dangerously overweight due in large part to unapologetic, non-essential cannibalism. He honestly resembles people who have been rendered physically immobile and are dying due to obesity complications during this time period, that is not something that happens without serious excess. Vauthry holds funds that were given to him specifically not for his own personal enjoyment but to perform a job for the people. He absolutely places his own pleasure above the survival of the poor. If he was that overweight in a time of plenty or as someone without the level of power he holds, it would not read the same way. Under these specific circumstances his physicality is a direct representation of his corruption and hypocrisy. Under other circumstances that might not have been the case. 3) In the same way that enabling harmful thought patterns/behavioral tendencies in a mentally ill person is bad and can constitute abuse, it is possible to cause harm by encouraging extreme and dangerous physical states. I am a strong believer in the idea that every body type can be beautiful provided it doesn’t look like the person faces imminent danger to their health or is actively dying. For me this is not exclusive to extreme obesity but also extends to starvation and some instances of extreme body-building as well. Think steroid abuse.

When a body registers as “sick”, there is a level of instinctive discomfort for most people. Sometimes this comes with sympathy and concern for the person dealing with that issue, sometimes it alienates others from them them. But when an individual actively embraces self-destruction by pursuing such an extreme and dangerous state either by design or out of apathy to the threat, it’s normal for a measure of horror to be attached because it becomes a form of self-harm. Vauthry evokes that to me. Dulia Chai does not. 4) I’ve joked about the wonders of the meol diet, because I know firsthand how difficult weight loss can be. To go from Vauthry’s level to Innocence’s in like six steps is absurd --the fact that he’s been on a cannibalism diet specifically takes it the extra mile into hilarity for me. I haven’t seen as many jokes about his weight in-general so much as the sudden transformation. If the butt of the joke is cannibalism and ridiculous speed/opposite appearance turnaround, I personally don’t think those cases warrant offense. 5) I’ve had people try to fight me before for saying there is a such thing as being dangerously overweight. No comments on dangerously underweight or muscular, just overweight. So to set people at ease--I have personally dealt with serious health risks caused by obesity before. I’ve had loved ones who were in the same position and I have lost family members directly as a result of obesity-related health problems. It’s a very difficult thing to deal with. I have a lot of sympathy on this subject and understand how devastating it can be to endure shitty treatment due to weight.

I personally don’t think it’s right to forbid any jokes that deal with Vauthry’s weight, or that deal with hot subjects in-general. I think the punchline of the joke matters a ton though. Making a joke at the expense of someone struggling with something difficult is shitty. Making a joke about cannibalism turning you into a sparkling bishonen after walking down a set of stairs is just ridiculous.

Likewise, I don’t think it’s a problem for people to feel disturbed by severe health problems... but I do think it’s important to separate the person dealing with the illness from the illness itself. This goes for physical and mental issues.

I know that a lot of people don’t necessarily agree with these types of opinions and that’s okay. They’re not really common right now and are things I arrived at just by thinking myself and trying to sort out what seems appropriate as best I can.

- I’ve talked about how insanity plea when I was researching it more or less came down to a person having their perception of reality and their judgment so heavily impaired by illness that they cannot be expected to react to situations in the same way that someone without that impairment would. I’ve seen people try to argue about how someone saying demons made them murder another person wouldn’t have any less accountability to them. I think that case could actually fall under insanity plea but would need close evaluation to make sure. If the person truly believed that they and their loved ones would be tortured to death by demons if they refused or told anyone or something--yeah, insanity plea in play there. Part of the issue is that the act is horrible and I think there’s a longstanding skepticism on whether the person is sincerely crazy or just bullshitting.

In general, a cluster B personality disorder would not qualify for insanity plea. Still might involve inaccurate perception of the world or others, but the type of delusion and impairment would not inherently compel them toward violent/unlawful  action or prevent them from seeking help. They also tend to be somewhat more aware of the world around them, but whether they care and how they interact/why can be dictated by the condition. Given I think Zenos is more or less an Antisocial Personality Disorder poster child (not because “I don’t like people so edgy”, I mean in terms of treating people in his life as filling roles and therefore being replaceable, overwhelming ennui in most aspects of his life, lack of interest or fulfillment in interpersonal relationships, etc.)--I do not think he would qualify for insanity plea.

Vauthry I’m not positive what I think he has yet, again he reminds me a lot of people I’ve met but certain conditions manifest similarly under the circumstances I have in mind. I think he absolutely has inhibited empathy. He’s also very spoiled, self-righteous, and possibly has no theory of mind. I don’t think he has instincts for taboo either which probably does tie to his sin-eater heritage. I don’t think his growing up in Eulmore or even having a shitty upbringing is the main reason he is the way he is, imo it’s a combination of nature and nurture. I think being part sin-eater essentially made it easier for him to become monstrous, but who knows--if he’d had a really good upbringing in a non-toxic environment maybe he could have been a good man anyway. Same way that having a cluster B personality disorder does not make a person evil by a long shot, but it can make it easier to hurt others due to the way thought patterns are impacted.

I would want to double check some research, but right now I think Vauthry reads likely for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He has mood swings but none of them seem to be depressive, it’s more egotism/happiness and anger by and large. When he does get sad before dying, it’s not because of loving or missing his father but because the self-image he loved (as encouraged by his father) was compromised.

I think he’s a bit slow and I think he only cares about others insofar as they’re tools to define himself as well as possible to his own mind. I don’t think, listening to G’raha Tia or anyone who begged him to change course, he was unable to comprehend what they were saying. He was just closed-minded to it imo.

With Emet-Selch meanwhile, I actually think both how he was impacted by specific interactions, his memories, and possibly even his sensory understanding of sundered beings might have been compromised by Zodiark. Like being colorblind, almost. I think the way he deals with the world, there are a ton of colors he can no longer perceive due to tempering but he has no idea that what he should be perceiving is there. He remembers being able to see all colors in Amaurot, but after the sundering suddenly purple was gone. Purple is still actually there, but he is not capable of seeing it. You could literally wave a purple flower in front of his face and it wouldn’t register. He might even accuse you of lying because he remembers purple, and purple is gone, and he’s doing everything he can to get purple back--but he has no idea that purple has still been here but he’s been altered in such a way that despite remembering it, he can’t see it anymore. As per tempering.

Vauthry knows about purple, he just doesn’t have much interest in it outside how it looks with his complexion. If purple is unflattering then fuck purple. Burn it to the ground, ban it, forbid anyone else from indulging in it. If it works, then no one would have more or prettier purples than him.

- It is time for me to take a nap but basically it was shitty to give Vauthry a sin-eater streak but 1) I do still think that’s severely impaired judgment 2) I don’t necessarily think that Vauthry was bound in the same way by his mental condition. I do think Vauthry believed himself to be doing good but didn’t actually have a clear concept of good in existence.

[lyllyan-weiss]

LONG Character Survey: Lyllyan Weiss

BASICS.

FULL NAME: Lyllyan Aster Weiss

NICKNAME: Lyl, Lily, Lil' Lily.

AGE: 21

BIRTHDAY: 11th Sun of the 6th Astral Moon (November 10th)

ETHNIC GROUP: Auri|Xaela (In Eorzea)/ Human (Out of World)

NATIONALITY: Eorzean (In Eorzea)/American (Out of World)

LANGUAGES: Eorzean, Draconic, basically anything due to the echo.

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: She is Bi. Swings both ways. She loves all.

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Biromantic

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Depending on the different routes on the story, she will be either single or taken.

CLASS: Jack-of-all-trades

•Knows everything and knows how to play everything.

• Favors caster classes above everything else.

HOMETOWN / AREA: N/A

CURRENT HOMETOWN / AREA: Shirogane is where her apartment is, but she sees Ishgard as her home that she spends her time in, and then the Crystarium had became home to her as well.

PROFESSION: Scion, Adventurer, Full time hero in both her world and Eorzea. In her world she is a waitress and an artist/animator.

PHYSICAL.

HAIR: Right now it is Brown with Light brown Highlights

EYES: Purple (Right), Green (Left)

NOSE: Small and Sharp

LIPS: Small and full

COMPLEXION: Pale but fair.

BLEMISHES: None.

SCARS: In Eorzea, her scars are battle scars that is more aligned on her back. They do not show up when she is in her world.

TATOOS: The Scion Tatoo on the part where the neck and back meet.

HEIGHT: 5'0

WEIGHT: 130lb (Eorzea)/ 150lb (Her World)

BUILD: Short, Thin and fit.

FEATURES: None really.

ALLERGIES: Rolanberries in Eorzea, Strawberries in her world.

USUAL HAIRSTYLE: Long hair with a half braid in the back in Eorzea. In her world she has short hair that stops in the middle of her neck.

USUAL FACE LOOK: Warm color Eye shadow applied lightly to the eyes and a very nude color for lipstick in Eorzea. In her world, she hardly puts make up on, but usually has dark circles due to being tired all the time.

USUAL CLOTHING: Depending on her mood, she'll go very modest, or wearing a bikini with thigh boots. In her world, she is always modest with usually a t-shirt and sweats.

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEARS: Bugs (Mainly Arachnids, spiders are the worst.) Antilions that hide in the sands. Losing her love ones. Becoming Sin Eater. Being alone. Falling.

ASPIRATIONS: Explore all of the worlds she could go to, but also to make animations that can change the world.

POSITIVE TRAITS: Stubborn, happy go lucky, Compassionate, tries to take care of everyone, protective, loving, friendly, trusting.

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Stubborn enough to push past her limits, usually getting her hurt. She so selfless that she tends to forget about taking care of herself. She can be too trusting of others that she often gets hurt in the end. She usually bottles her problems with the worry of being a burden to others. Very emotional driven (Just ask Ser Zephirin).

ZODIAC: Scorpio.

TEMPERAMENT: Artistic and Motherly

SOUL TYPE(S): The Priest, The Artisan, The Server.

ANIMALS: Cat

VICE HABIT(S): From the definition that I read, her faults are that she feels like anything bad that happens to her or her friends are her fault, and that she sometimes Envy others. But her hobbies that she enjoys are reading, triple triad, drawing, and writing.

FAITH: The Twelve. Even in her world she believes in the Twelve.

GHOSTS?: Definitely

AFTERLIFE?: I hope there is one.

REINCARNATION?: Well so far that we know, reincarnation is a thing, right?

ALIENS?: I doubt the world was made for one type of civilization, plus multiple worlds. Yes.

POLITICAL ALIGNMENT: Uh...Alphinaud does politics for me.

ECONOMIC PREFERENCE: Just trying to survive, man. Stable, I guess.

SOCIO POLITICAL POSITION: Uh... Alphinaud???

EDUCATION LEVEL: Lyllyan herself has had up to some college in her own world. In Eorzea, she has an understanding of Aether and well has learned all the classes, so being able to pick up something new, she can learn fairly quick.

FAMILY.

FATHER: Captain Carebear (Mykel Weiss)

MOTHER: She doesn't have the ability to go to Eorzea so her name is Lynn Weiss.

Siblings: Lucas Weiss(Rafien Dalarain(Deactivated)), Nathaniel Weiss(Random Guy (deactivated)), Olivia Weiss (Never been to Eorzea).

EXTENDED FAMILY: Grandmother(Nana)(Deceased), Granfather(Poppy), Fortemps Family (Rest in Peace Haucherfaunt).

NAME MEANING(S): Lyllyan is based off of the Lily flower. Aster is based off of the Aster flower, and then Weiss is a name given to those with white hair or pale complexion.

HISTORICAL CONNECTION: Um...Ascian? Amourotine?

FAVORITES.

BOOK: If its Manga, It's Rurouni Kenshin. Books would be the 'Septimus Heap' series by Angie Sage.

MOVIE/PLAY: Movie would be 'Wizard of Oz'. Favorite Play would be 'Hamilton'.

5 SONGS:

•'Seasonal Feathers' by Len and Rin Kagamine

•'Drakkar' by Distrion and Electro-Light

•'Light it Up' by Robin Hustin and TobiMorrow (feat. Jex)

•'Stitches' by Shawn Mendes

•'Perfect' by Ed Sheeran

DEITY: Thaliak

HOLIDAY: Valentione

MONTH: November/ 6th Astral Moon

SEASON: Spring

PLACE: Rak'Tika Greatwoods

WEATHER: Rain

SOUND: Ocean waves.

SCENT(S): Cherry Blossom, sweet.

TASTE(S): Favorite food is Bacon so....also likes sweet things.

FEEL(S): Fuzzy blankets, warm cloth, soft.

ANIMALS: She loves all animals! If she had to narrow it down, it would be Cats, Pandas, and Chocobos. Does Pokemon count?

NUMBER: 8 but screw Construct 8

COLORS: Purple, light green, light blue.

EXTRA.

TALENTS: Drawing.

BAD AT: Math. She used to bring her homework to Eorzea to have Alphinaud and Urianger help her.

TURN ONS: Oooo. Funny, kind, calm, generous, but also romantic.

TURN OFFS: Selfish, rude ass hoe, and killing my friends.

HOBBIES: Singing, Drawing, Reading, Exploring, Triple Triad.

TROPES: Mother Hen.

AESTHETIC TAGS: Chocolate and Caramel. Honey. Lavender and Leaves. I think that's how this works???

FC INFO.

MAIN FC(S): Scions of the Dawn. It consist of Dad and myself.

ALT FC(S): None.

OLDER FC(S): We did have an FC on Gilgamesh called Lionheart with the Tag FF8. It was one that we had started the game when we got out of beta, but moved to different server/data center.

YOUNGER FC(S): *Confused Au Ra noises*

VOICE CLAIM(S): ??????

GENDERBENT FC(S): *Even more confused Au Ra noises*

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1: IF YOU COULD WRITE YOUR CHARACTER YOUR WAY IN THEIR OWN MOVIE, WHAT WOULD IT BE CALLED, WHAT STYLE WOULD IT BE FILMED IN, AND WHAT WOULD IT BE ABOUT?

•So, I'm already making a comic that I want to make as an animation for the story of FFXIV with my character and her friends. This character was specifically built for FFXIV, but it has a twist. Kinda like a Sword Art Online ordeal, but instead of Millions of people playing are stuck in the world, it's just like 100, but they aren't stuck, in fact they are just chosen to go between their world and Eorzea. If they die, they don't actually die, but respawn, even in their own world, but they feel how they die and the only way for them to die in any shape or form is by natural cause like old age or sickness. This would be a 2D animation in the anime style and be a multi episode series with multiple seasons. I even though about branching out to go certain routes so that Lyllyan can end up with all my favorite characters. I would call it Final Fantasy XIV: A World Reborn.

Q2: WHAT WOULD THEIR SOUNDTRACK/SCORE SOUND LIKE?

•With it being a Final Fantasy story, it would have Final Fantasy Music.

Q3: WHY DID YOU START WRITING THIS CHARACTER?

•Lyllyan Weiss was made to represent me and she still does, but also inspires me to be more like my courageous heroic self. Because of this, I have been able to do things like crossing a bridge that's in bad shape to get to the other side without the fear of falling, just to get back to my mom who went to the other side on a trip we had.

Q4: WHAT FIRST ATTRACTED YOU TO THIS CHARACTER?

•She is literally me.

Q5: DESCRIBE THE BIGGEST THING YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

•Just like me, she is stubborn and hard working, but there are times she pushes herself way too much. She hesitates to ask for help, not because she doesn't trust the people around her, but more of trying to not burden them. Others wish she would open up to them and also rest when she can. Raha has to literally force her to rest, and she nearly gets herself killed against the first battle with Rahjit because she kept getting back up to fight even when the others beg her to stop.

Q6: WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN COMMON WITH YOUR MUSE?

•Almost everything. Major thing is that she doesn't look like me, but also I know when to quit.

Q7: HOW DOES YOUR MUSE FEEL ABOUT YOU?

• I feel like if Lyllyan and I were to meet in person, we'd get along just fine. We would play video games all day long if we could.

Q8: WHAT CHARACTERS DOES YOUR MUSE HAVE INTERESTING INTERACTIONS WITH?

•OH BOI HERE WE GOOO

- Leveilleur Twins: Alphinaud and Alisaie are very close to Lyllyan. Alphinaud used to pull Lyllyan out of class to have her hurry up and go through the story, now its chill and play ace attorney. Alphinaud, depending on what route is taken, is definitely in love with Lyllyan and is constantly teased about it by everyone. Alisaie is like a sister to Lyllyan. They have had many nights where the pulled 24 hours playing Sims. Alisaie is who Lyllyan tries to protect the most between the two. She's also the reason why Lyllyan is now Bi. Lyllyan absolutely adores her and if the route is taken, they end up being the cutest couple.

-Leon D'hart: An Alt character that I made that depending on the story and route, he is also Lyllyan's Lover. He is a character made by Square Enix to be the Warrior of Light replacement if Lyllyan did not succeed in preventing herself becoming a light warden. His story with her is a bunch of trial and tribulations, but in the end they do end up married.

-G'raha Tia/Crystal Exarch: The main story Lyllyan's Lover. Great friend to start out and tears were shed when he sealed himself into the tower. He really kept Lyllyan guessing when he was Exarch. When Emet-Selch kidnapped him, Lyllyan was hellbent on getting him back. Now she visits him at the first everyday bring stuff from Eorzea for him, and even occasionally stuff from her world. He is her world as she is to him.

-The Scions: Thancred and Lyllyan are like Big brother, Little sister. He protects her, and scolds her as such. They may act like they hate each other, but the moment either gets hurt, the other is at their sides. Though rumor has it that Thancred had feelings for Lyllyan. Y'shtola is close to Lyllyan, but is usually not around often. Shtola usually is often around to keep an eye on Lyllyan's aether since her amount is quite high compared to the others and her fellow Warriors of Light. Urianger is someone who used to hardly talk to Lyllyan, but started opening up more after the years. He had watched her grow from 15 moons to now 21 as the others, but they seem to be more special to him. Lyllyan swore to protect him if anything ever happened especially after he asked her her thoughts on his new attire. Tataru is a precious angel and if anyone was to hurt her, Lyllyan would kill everyone and then herself. Ryne, even though she is not a scion, she is a scion. Ryne worries about Lyllyan, but is often in awe of her. Lyllyan and Thancred adopted her, and she's ended up calling Lyllyan mom on many occasions.

-Ser Aymeric: Depending on the route, he would be Lyllyan's Lover and he tries to protect her when he can, be it politics or in war. He has a dream to journey with her, and though he can't do so with Lylyan Weiss the Au Ra, there is nothing saying he can't make a character and become a Warrior of Light himself and travel with Sakura Yue(Lyllyan's Alt).

-Zenos Yae Galvus: So this guy commits Seppuku and then shows up at Lyllyan's job as her new Bartender. They end up becoming friends through the job, and the fact that Zenos is bored out of his mind that he can't go kill people,but finding out later that he is back makes Square Enix themselves worried about this guy.

-Estinien: Lyllyan had adopted him as her Edgy Son. He hates it. He reminds her that he is older than him, and she retorts about beating him as a Lalafel. He usually starts brooding after that on a high building that usually takes Alphinaud and Ser Aymeric to get him down.

•I'm only stopping this cause there are so many more characters!!!

Q9:WHAT GIVES YOU INSPIRATION TO WRITE YOUR MUSE?

•Music and Playing Final Fantasy. Mainly XIV, but others do count too, but also reading all the other fanfiction and comics about final fantasy XIV.

Q10: HOW LONG DID THIS TAKE YOU TO COMPLETE?

About...4 hours? Maybe more? My hands definitely hurt from all the typing! XD

============

Tagged by @amandafullmetal

Tagging @ladyramora @ranier-layarte @scholarlostintime @fabledtactician