#obsessive amount of tags i know-

[shalom-iamcominghome]

It's my two-year anniversary of having this blog! I started this blog when I was probably 90% certain that I was in this for the long haul. Two years later and many books purchased, many smiles shared, many panic attacks, and holidays spent with my community have made me beyond certain of my decision. I want to express so much gratitude to all of you; this space is just as meaningful to me as those I have made offline.

I remember seeing this rumor going around that you know you are in true love after about half a year. It took me one holiday to know I had with judaism 🩵

[forgetful-river]

Sometimes being in love is like getting your eye gored in a fit of purifying violence, sometimes it's not

[peridots-pixiwolf]

[Start ID. A three-circle venn diagram with Gabriel from Ultrakill, the Lonely Wizard from Inscryption, and the Hollow Knight from the game of the same name. Between Gabriel and Lonely is the text "guys will see a character with vague biology, say 'is anyone gonna buggify that' and not wait for an answer". Between Lonely and Hollow is the text "void beings placed in solitary confinement by a superior they admired with the intention of keeping them there forever". Between Hollow and Gabriel is the text "existed only to be a tool for their god. just wants to be perfect. never allowed to be a person". In the center between all three is just the word "trauma". End ID

having Thoughts

[corviiids]

THANKS @kimdokjafan you are so kind and generous. ok im cashing in the first of three blank checks to talk about faith trust and pixie dust (most recent chatfic) because the last two directors commentaries were too serious so let's do a silly one.

some p5r spoilers, and this is mostly about sumire, and it's long again. do i need to keep disclaiming that these are long? you should know me by now.

i had this written for a while before i started formatting it because i wasn't really sure if i should post it? i feel like silly chatfic is something people go to for predominantly lighthearted nonsense so i was like, maybe there's too much plot and dramatic misunderstanding and i should just keep this one for myself. but then i was like well nothing matters and maybe someone will have fun with it. it's kind of terrible how much fully or mostly completed fic there is my docs that just doesn't see the light of day lol. write for yourself etc but i like sharing! too bad it comes with the mortifying ordeal etc. anyway that was a tangent

potato counter is a neopets game. there's no deep lore i just like neopets. i guess in this universe ryuji doesn't play neopets? or maybe he's just never played potato counter specifically. i also have a different fic where ryuji DOES play neopets. it's about neopets and ryuji and goro talking on neopets.

i think this might literally be the first time ive written sumi in a fic because i haven't actually written that much fic for royal, like, now that im looking, literally almost none? and none that had a group dynamic. so it was kind of fun to find her voice for the first time in a silly groupchat like this. i was worried people would find her exclamation marks annoying but i personally thought it was endearing so i added it in there.

every time i do a gag where a character corrects their own typo i have to code more stupid little bubbles to make it happen but i think it's worth it. all the effort that goes into making tgis look as much like a real chat as possible

this obviously doesnt take place in the canon p5/r universe, but im imagining sort of a postcanon sumi personality where she's more comfortable being herself and isn't borrowing kasumi's brand of confidence, but she's visibly a really anxious person without that kasumi veneer. i also think in this universe sumire is a fairly recent addition to the friend group, and while everyone likes her a lot and she really likes them, i kind of wanted to emphasise that feeling of being in a friend group where everyone's established and you're sort of a plus-one? you don't really fit yet. part of that is her being new, part of it is her anxiety, part of it is just the kind of person sumi is where she's so polite and self-conscious she ends up taking herself out of things with her own good intentions. stuff like her interrupting the flow of an existing conversation by greeting everyone instead of jumping straight in because she doesn't feel comfortable inserting herself, which means everyone else stops to greet her even though that doesn't normally happen in a friend group, or making a point of thanking everyone for being invited to events while the others take it as a given.

idk i love that she feels a bit out of place with the phantom thieves in p5r. and part of that is a natural consequence of being a new addition in royal who can't be naturally integrated with an existing dynamic but i honestly feel like the writing team realised that and acknowledged it, and really leaned into it, and that made it work incredibly well for me. like, it's part of her character that she's sort of an outsider. it's not like p4g's incredibly clumsy integration of marie and subsequent attempt to shove her down everyone's throat as the canon love interest in p4ga (knife). sumi has that outsider vibe on purpose and it makes me really like her dynamic with the thieves as an individual

goro also feels slightly out of place in these chats, but his conversational style blends more naturally with the other thieves at this point and he even uses their codenames sometimes. i keep saying my chatfic series isn't a real Series because the lore keeps changing, but if we accept that they're all kind of following a General Continuity, assume this takes place some time after the last fic in which ren added goro to the groupchat and they made an effort to integrate him into their friend group. he's kind of there now and has settled into being the weird boyfriend. that's his role.

every time goro says something like "ren and i" assume it's the text equivalent of him talking to the group with his arm around ren's waist.

ok i got really fond of this silly running joke where sumi brings up the weather when she's feeling uncomfortable. she's so polite. i like this thread because setting it up meant i got to tie it off like this:

this just made me happy lol i liked writing this. i tried to use it to demonstrate that despite goro's abrasiveness he obviously knows sumire pretty well, he's attuned to her quirks and knows how to tell when she's having a bad time with her anxiety, so he uses her little weather habit to ground her.

i honestly dont think goro and sumire could be considered close in p5r and as much as i like the "royal trio" in canon they're not really... like... friends? with each other? they're both attached to ren, so it' more a V shape than anything else. but that said, i really LIKE goro and sumi's canon dynamic. he takes a really grouchy but politely attentive supervisory role to her during their few forays into the palace as a trio where he doesn't really know her well but clearly identifies her as a harmless little tryhard who needs some guidance and steps into that role grudgingly, and she immediately looks up to him despite being very wrong footed by his ruthlessness, which i find incredibly charming. i think given time they could be good friends, they just didn't get much chance to know each other very well in canon. so i tried to kinda do that here.

once goro stops being evil and joins the group they all kind of tiredly accept that his role is to occasionally push a cup off a bench while smirking and refuse to clean it up. emotionally, i mean.

wait i need to backtrack chronologically to talk about akeshu.

in this scene they're in the same room lol talking and snickering while typing. im trying to get at that vibe of the annoying couple who is flirting with each other, via you. you know? like ostensibly they're talking to you (sumire) but everything they say to you is part of their stupid game. sumi is incidental to goro and ren teasing each other about flirting with someone else, goro is reporting everything ren says because his boyfriend is so eye-rollingly foolish in a cute way. they're very tickled by how amusing and charming they are. gross. disgusting. sumire im so sorry for putting you through this

anyway here are too many of my favourite jokes from the fic

[spyroz]

i dont reblog those posts about how hard it is to have moralizing ocd in online spaces, even though i deeply resonate with them. ironically, i can only talk to 2 people about my ocd, because one of my obsessions is that other people will assume im using my mental health as a shield against criticism if i talk about it. therefore, if i talk about my ocd in any circumstance, my brain believes that i'm already doing something immoral

basically, most of my obsessions resolve around people assuming bad faith of me or that i'm somehow secretly an irredeemably bad person, no matter how hard i try to be good. i am a bad person if i dont reblog posts about serious topics, spend every waking moment thinking about extremely serious topics, or make any social mistakes whatsoever (which is scary because i'm also autistic). i believe that i am irredeemable if i make a small mistake, and i often think all my friends are waiting for me to make a mistake so that they can attack me, and that my life will be ruined if i fuck up. im constantly scanning all my interests (and people i know) for the tiniest imperfections (far beyond healthy amounts of criticism in your interests) out of fear that liking anything or anyone makes me a horrible person. if you dont take a side on this lgbt label discourse, then youre a bigot! im ALWAYS mentally preparing responses and apologies to totally theoretical situations of people being upset with me. i have intrusive thoughts about doing the immoral things that scare me most.

the problem is, *talking about* any of these thoughts invites people who will actually bad faith me. "if youre so worried about this stuff, then you must have something to hide! you just want to avoid accountability!" they make your obsession a reality by accusing you of the exact thing you fear most. none of these thoughts are reasonable or realistic, and i know that. i know that i'm mentally ill. i know logically that i'm as good a person as anyone else. when i actually do make a mistake, i stay level-headed and apologize, acknowledge what i did wrong, and change my behavior

but there is a large part of me that does not want to heal from my ocd, because i believe constant self-monitoring and self-critique is the only thing preventing me from becoming a horrible person

there is nothing i want more in this world than to be a good altruistic human being who is capable of growth, but spending weeks trapped in thought loops analyzing all my behaviors for the smallest signs of a mistake will not help me be a better person. it makes me a worse friend. it drains my energy so that i dont have the mental capacity to actually spend time being kind to others. i reread this post many times while writing it to make sure i didnt accidentally write 6 different slurs. but i can't figure out how to heal. what the fuck do i do about this

this is incredibly hard for me to write about. i'm fighting the urge to delete this post as you read it. i cant stress how debilitating this is for me, it is the biggest hurdle in my life and it sucks away days worth of my time and energy. i will become trapped in thought-loops THE SECOND im not kept sufficiently busy and stimulated by tv/music/my bf/being out of the house somewhere/etc. so much of my life is wasted wanting to be good, that i dont get a chance to actually live the life of a good person

i really hope this post resonates with someone. ive only met a few other people who have this particular kind of ocd, and its extremely isolating. but i want to try to heal from it, and i know the first step to healing is talking about it

[thejadecount]

So i just started getting the hang of this whole ‘peepaw multiverse’ bit where a bunch of Future! Leos from fics hang around as 4 old co-parents I guess but honestly I’m surprise no one has taken Last Ronin! Rise Mikey into account because C’MON! The angst and comedic potential is all there!

Like all the other F! Leo’s are all just talking about their angst and Last Ronin Rise Mikey is here:

I could imagine that they’re all upset over his tragic backstory, but he’s just tired of their shit.

I don’t know I just think it’d be funny if these full on grown-ass traumatized old men needing a just-as-traumatized if not worse older man to make them get their shit back together.

look it’d be really funny and really angsty I’m just saying why has no one else thought of this yet?

[kattitude130]

well i went and made another another kagerou project playlist (really i just edited the same one again) theres a few official orders out there, but i wanted to make my own that i personally thought might be good for newbies. i even included the spoken prologues/epilogues (or whatever you'd call them) from the albums!

if you'd rather listen/watch them in chronological order of release (i'm usually the same way), unfortunately i don't have a list or playlist for that, but you can find that kind of information on the fandom wiki

i tried to find a place for every song, but what's not included are the official covers, which can be found on the album Mekakucity M's (you will likely find it split between "Mekakucity M's 1" and "Mekakucity M's 2") i highly recommend them whether or not you prefer human over vocaloid!

if you dont know what the hell im posting about at all-- the Kagerou Project ("kagepro") is a mixed media series about kids with special powers stuck in a timeloop (simplest way to put it). the full story is told across vocaloid songs, light novels, a manga, an anime, and more. the interesting part is that these different stories are not necessarily adaptations of the same story, but rather depicting different routes/timelines of the timeloop and have different endings. if this playlist interest you, the official order is music -> manga -> novels -> anime, plus an animated short film that has a currently unknown placement (some later songs are likely adaptations of some novel chapters, and frankly i think you could swap novels and manga and not lose out on anything, but i dont want to make it too complicated... anyway) i have been a huge nerd about it for over a decade now so feel free to ask me questions because it is a bit convoluted, not gonna lie, but i love that kind of thing. ok anyway please give it a shot!!

[bluberimufim]

LOSING MY MIND

HAVING A BREAKDOWN

'HELL SCREEN' IS SO GOOD!!?!?!

[just-spacetrash]

🌟

[weirdgirlbymommylonglegs]

there’s being a teenage girl in your 20s then there’s whatever the fuck the babyface by sorry mom experience is

[unityrain24]

you don't have to read this i just have so much pent-up in my head.

(if you do tho the tags are just as important as the post.)

i wish i could make people unfollow me without blocking them? bc like. every single palestine ask i get (whether spam or real) they follow me. even though it's not set up so only followers can send asks. i think they do it because like, then they think i will be more willing to help? bc follower counts are so important on other platforms and to most people, it's probably like an exchange? They do the nicety of adding to my follower count and so i will be more willing to donate money to their cause? but like. i don't want followers just for followers. it makes me uncomfortable. i've got a little over 150 followers right now but probably a third are palestine fundraiser blogs (and a few bots i can't tell are bots or not and promotional spam). it makes me uncomfortable? it makes me feel like the numbers a lie? i want the people following me to be there because they actually care about my blog/me?

obviously i don't want to block these people! they are in a genocide trying to do whatever they can to survive! they are on here trying to ask anyone and everyone so that out of the hundred of people they ask maybe one or two can donate a few dollars! they are trying every tactic they can to make people listen to them! following! posting photos! using eye-catching colours and fonts! writing out their stories! all things that are emotionally and or/physicaly exhausting and draining all in an attempt to just get someone to listen! and honestly it's sort of unfair that they have to follow random people and clog up their dash with random stuff just so people are more willing to help (obviously most of these people didn't have tumblr before and aren't here for the dash, but i imagine a dash full of palestine help would be less overwhelming than a huge mass of random fandoms while you go find people to ask).

[kqluckity]

mondstadt and liyue are the only happy countries in teyvat fr...

[feralnumberfive]

How I feel after writing 11,100+ words on just the outlines of 5 unfinished chapters of a fic with even more chapters I haven't put on the doc yet along with two 2,000+ word outlines for two other fics all for a kids show that has 115 episodes and I'm only on episode 12

[anisecandy]

☕️+Spidervenom,Eddie Brock and Peter Parker

Eh, they're fine. I guess.

[my-chemical-aromance]

of all the things i like tell me why i’m hyperfixated on post malone again.

[elegyofthemoon]

What are your OCs a part of exactly? Like, a fandom OC a roleplay OC or etc

I have a bunch of fandom OCs and then there's just original OCs as well!

And then there's the "OCs" aka characters I swooped out of canon because canon abandoned them and I said "hm! I think I can do more with you!" and then got sucked up into daydreaming too hard and worldbuilding :D