#obviously they know just as little as I did the first time so I'm not actually mad I'm just... pls...

[themultifanshipper]

As soon as you saw the time go to 0 during a yellow flag and Lando in p16, peeling into the pits after an aborted lap, you knew exactly what was about to happen.

Yes I forgot to post this and it's too weeks late SUE ME

Warnings: Lando being an annoying whiny self deprecating little bitch, handjob, edging, crying

Part 4 of 'One of the Boys'

You were already in his driver’s room when he came in, tears in his eyes and in need of some company.

None of it was his fault obviously, but he still felt the need to berate himself.

“It's all my fault”

“I should have gone out earlier”

“I should have skipped the out lap”

“I should have b-“

You listened to him beat himself up for over 20 fucking minutes before you decided to stop him.

“None of it is your fault La-“

But he just kept talking over you and his voice was getting wobblier with each sentence.

“Lando”

He just kept going, and going, completely ignoring you, and you actually got angry.

So you slapped him across the face.

That got his attention.

It wasn't hard enough to really hurt but he would definitely feel the sting, and he brought his hand up to feel his cheek as his jaw dropped.

His breathing was becoming shallow and his pupils were rapidly taking over the gray of his irises.

A tear rolled down his cheek and he whispered, barely loud enough for you to hear.

“Again”

So you did. Slightly harder this time, on the other cheek.

He gulped in a breath, a few more tears escaping.

Your hands came up to cup his face and he whimpered pitifully.

“Please”

It broke your heart to see him like this, but he was so beautiful, face all flushed and wet.

“I'm here for you Lan, what do you need?”

He closed his eyes and nuzzled into your palm, letting out the first calm breath since he'd got out of his car.

“I don't know... I just want to forget today ever happened.”

You leaned over and gently pressed your lips to his forehead.

“I've got you, just focus on me, okay?”

He looked at you and nodded.

You took the liberty of climbing onto his lap, unzipping his suit and sliding a hand inside his underwear to find that he was already hard.

“Damn... you really like being roughed up don't you?”

You tightened your grip on him and he whimpered, biting his lip raw and leaning his head back on the sofa.

“please” he groaned.

You chuckled and planted a kiss under his jaw bone. “Please what?”

You sped up your movements, brushing your thumb over his tip on every upstroke and he gasped.

His thighs clenched and unclenched and he soon started trembling uncontrollably.

“Please don't stop. I'm so close”

You pulled the neckline of his fireproofs down to nibble on the skin at the base of his neck and his hips bucked up involuntarily.

“Now then Lando, tell me about your qualifying”

He frowned.

“What do you mean? I fucked up and- Ahh!”

Your grip was tight around the base of his cock and he yelped, head snapping up to look at you with wide eyes.

“No! What-“

“You answered wrong, Lando”

Once he had stopped pulsing in your hand you resumed your movements, immediately going fast and hard, trying to draw him to the edge as quickly as possible.  

“I- I- Oh my god! I don't know what you want me to say!”

“Yes you do Lando, tell me what happened and I'll let you come” you purred, distracting him with kisses along his jawline.

“I didn't-  fuck, I didn't have time to finish the lap...” he started, voice shaking with need. “b- before the yellow flag”

“Mmh, and who's fault was that, Lando?”

He let out little puffs of breath every time you flicked your wrist, letting you know he was close to the edge again, but you knew he was still beating himself up, so you stopped again and squeezed the base of his cock just as he was about to come.

He wailed and almost managed to dislodge you with how he was squirming in pain, but you refused to let him come until he admitted none of it was his fault.

A few tears streamed down his cheeks and he sobbed openly, in the safe space between you two.

He calmed down a bit and you resumed, paying special attention to his sensitive head, and he bucked up into your hold once again.

“Answer me Lando, who's fault was it that you got sent out too late? Who's fault was the yellow flag? Was it your fault?”

He was clenching his entire body in an effort to keep himself together enough to answer.

“No! It wasn't my fault! There's nothing- ah! Nothing I could have done!”

You smiled at him, cupping his face again with your unoccupied hand.

“Good boy, Lando. You're right” you wiped the stray tears away and kissed him sweetly.

 “there's nothing you could have done, you just got caught out by a yellow flag. Now you can come”

His back arched and he let out a painful wail as it all came crashing down, the tension and stress melting away.

He came so much it stained his fireproofs all the way up to the neckline, and dripped down your hand to irretrievably dampen his suit so that there was a big dark patch.

You slowed the movement of your hand and eventually let go of him, wiping your cum streaked hand on his suit.

You kissed him and his hands came to rest on your hips, squeezing affectionately.

“Thank you” he said as you separated, closing his eyes and basking in the afterglow.

“Anytime” you giggled, climbing off him and looking for your bag, checking your phone.

“Now go celebrate with your team, Oscar got p2 and he'll be devastated if you’re not there” you scolded, voice laced with humour as he looked at you through his lashes and groaned.

“I don't think I can walk after that, and I'm not going to be able to drive tomorrow!” he pouted. “Not that it would make a difference if I did...”

“I'll tell you what” you said, hanging back in the open doorway “If you end up higher than p5 tomorrow, you can have me after the race”

Lando laughed “Deal”

That was never going to happen, but a man could dream, right?

[melodyatlas]

interview with jason and tim (pre-relationship reveal)

INT: So, Tim, I heard that you actually auditioned to be the Red Hood first, is that true?

Tim laughs before answering: Yeah. Yeah, that's true. I went in and read for Hood and I could tell- immediately I could tell it wasn't what they were looking for.

Jason laughs, Tim laughs again with him before continuing: But they didn't tell me to stop so I just kept going. And when I was done and it was time for me to leave they asked me to hold on a minute and did this thing where the entire casting panel just like huddled together, whispering and covering their mouths with their hands-

INT: While you were still in the room?

TIM: While I was still in the room! And they do this for like, a full minute, and I'm just standing there? Like? Are you guys serious? What's happening? But I just keep standing there and finally someone nods and they all scoot back to their seats.

INT: I'm on the edge of my seat, I can't imagine how you were feeling.

TIM: Mostly just confused, honestly. (Tim laughs again.) But the casting director just goes, "Look, I'm going to level with you. That wasn't what we had pictured, at all. But it was fantastic- and we have a different part we want you to read for."

INT: So they had you come back to do Red Robin?

TIM: They actually had me read it right then? It was wild, you know, I've been doing this a long time and I've never had a casting director just throw me a new part right there on the spot- they always just reschedule you when they think they might want you for a different part.

INT: But you got it right then!

TIM: I did! I didn't walk out with it, obviously, but they were pretty clear that they wanted to see me read for it again. It worked out pretty well, and I've gotta say, I think the casting for all the parts was pretty spot-on. Most of us are actually quite similar to our characters.

INT: What do you think, Jason? Are you all like your characters?

JASON: There are definitely some similarities- Damian can be a little uptight and Bruce definitely acts like everyone's mentor when we need it- But Tim isn't like Red Robin.

INT: He's not?

Tim looks questioningly at Jason, who just laughs.

JASON: Nah, he's not that smart.

Tim laughs and reaches out to shove at Jason's arm, not moving him an inch.

TIM: You a**.

[peachjagiya]

You know what?

I did it.

Lets find out how much Tae didn't want to be there/was on his phone/was not involved, shall we?

Note 1: y'alls keep saying "Except for episode 1" but no, I'm not going to discount the bit that proves you wrong. You don't get to pick and choose what bits of his expended energy to consider when these episodes happened over 3 consecutive days.

Note 2: I have considered "not involved" to be any time he isn't with JK or Jimin or both.

Note 3: You can't measure "looks like he doesn't want to be there". It's subjective. So I have noted where his energy is dipped or doesn't match the other two.

Note 4: As we're in the business of assuming every word is accurate representation of feelings, I've included where Tae expresses joy and happiness that the trip is happening.

Note 5: These numbers are obviously simply what we saw on screen but that's what we have to go with. You can make logical assumptions but for the purpose of this, I have not.

Note 6: This is ridiculous and I fundamentally don't agree that any of them need to be on screen at all times to prove their interest to us. But asks like this really spurred me on:

The arrogance.

Anyway. Numbers:

Episode 1

🐻 After the intro where he has not yet been introduced, Tae is present in activity for all but 1m17s, just 2%, of the episode run time.

🐻 But those 1m17s are when Jimin is being filmed and we know Tae was in the restaurant with JK and in the pool with JK at those moments. So Tae is actually present in conversation or activity with either JK or Jimin or both for 100% of what the show presents as chronological events.

🐥 Incidentally, those Jimin moments were Jimin choosing to be on his own, first looking at the sea and then not being in the pool with JK and Tae.

🐥 Jimin also sleeps for 4m24s of screentime. In terms of not being involved, Jimin is uninvolved in conversation or activity with another member for 10% of the episode.

🐥 But it's important to remember Jimin was not well. We give him that allowance as a human being with bodily function that sometimes does not align with what is required for their work. Jimin was ill. If we assume he slept because he was not well, he actually only misses 1m17s through choice. That's just 2%.

🐰 JK was either showering or motorbiking any time he wasn't with one or both of the other two. He really pulls double duty these three episodes.

Episode 2

🐻 Taehyung is not involved in activity or conversation with another member for 14m9s or 20% of the episode.

🐻 That 20% comprises:

Being too stuffed to swim.

Going to bed early.

Being on a call at the cafe - organising his training workout for the next morning

While JK and Jimin were diving - he was unwell at this point; kinetic tape visible on his neck.

While JK and Jimin are snorkelling - unwell. See above.

While JK and Jimin are on the net drawing the shark

🐻 That seems a lot! But at 5m36s he first complains of neck pain, then at 26m17s the next morning he says he has a neck cramp.

🐻 So 7m9s or 10% are times when he is too hurt to be involved or is taking/making a call.

🐻 By choice ie; being too stuffed to swim, going to bed early and not laying on the net with them at first, he's not present for 7m or 10% of the screentime.

🐻 At the cafe, they all three look shattered. JK says he wants to sleep, as does Jimin. Tae is chilling in exactly the same manner as them. He also does a little skit as server when he's giving JK his drinks and then he's shown laughing - with JK - at something we don't see happen on screen.

🐻 He says a few things that suggest he's enjoying himself:

At 2m24s he says "It's so great travelling with you guys. Lets do this more often."

After snorkelling while they eat ramyeon, "This is great."

When he joins Jimin and JK on the net, "I love this."

🐻 You can hear Tae singing to himself over the headset as they ride to the boat. There's no numbers attached here, I just thought it was sweet.

🐻 What about "constantly on his phone" though...

At 42m21s he sends a message on his phone and puts it back in his pocket. He talks to Jimin as he does this.

At 42m30s he again sends a message on his phone and again puts it back in his pocket.

He makes a call in the cafe. He's talking to someone about when the workout finishes and that it's an indoor gym. This is probably the workout he booked for the morning.

At 55:49, he is shown on his phone while he's sitting out of snorkelling and then puts it aside and gets up to watch JK and Jimin snorkel.

Approximately 7s of phone time we see though we can guess more on the boat. But we don't see it so we won't assume.

Episode 3

🐻 This is his most detached episode. He spends 25% of it separately at times when the other two are together.

🐻 This includes:

He disappears from the BBQ restaurant for 1m34s. Jimin is also gone for this time. Discounted because all were not together. Any time when Tae is not the only one missing has been discounted.

Tae disappears briefly for 12s

Tae is unaccounted for while Jimin plays with cat and JK plays with dog for 2m11s. He does point the cat out to them but he could well have done it as he walked past.

In bed and then at gym for 5m32s

Napping at house for 6m31s. Jimin is also asleep for 2m16s. Subtracted Jimin's nap from Tae's time.

🐻 Phone time wise, he picks his phone up for 47s or 1% of episode time.

🐰 However JK uses his phone for 2m21s of the episode whilst in back of car. That's contrary to the TKK assertion that JK only used his phone in NYC and Sapporo, for the record. 👍

🐥 Jimin uses his phone as he's laying in the kitchen while JK cooks. He goes from sitting with it to laying on his back with it. Half of this he converses with JK while he's on phone, as Tae did at BBQ place.

🐻 At end of episode, he says he "felt like a kid again."

🐻 His energy does drop for the third episode. It's undeniable. But this guy wakes early and goes to work out - a planned early work out suggests it might have been important for some reason - and then the next time we see him, he's fighting sleep to the point where he drops off in the car.

🐥 Remember that Jimin fought sleep in episode 1 of Jeju and finally gave in for his little terrace nap. In the run up to him dozing, he was a little low energy too.

🐻 Of the seven activities they engaged in - swimming x 3, climbing, go karts, snorkelling, fishing - Tae didn't partake in two of them due to his neck. Jimin missed one. Jimin also doesn't climb as much as Tae and JK but he was not feeling his best either. JK took part in all.

🐻 All told, there is 16% of the whole show where Tae isn't involved. For a "guest", that seems a pretty big contribution.

Well. Do what you will with this information. You might think I'm biased so you're welcome to do your own analysis obviously. But you now know that I personally think you live in a house of lies, anonymous Tae haters.

[reneesghostinthelivingroom]

Reneé x Reader

Where Reader is super shy and Reneé finds it cute

They are doing an interview or something and reneé has a hand on her at all time to help her ?

Lights, Camera... Anxiety

|| Reneé Rapp x fem!reader

|| Warnings; swearing, anxiety but it's fluffy I promise

|| Summary; reader was doing her first interview with Reneé, Reneé had invited her on as a sort of formal introduction as her girlfriend. Since she has talked about it during her shows, but never fully expressed it. Reader's more than a little nervous.

Requests open!

Started; september 23rd

Finished; september 24th

~~~

"Oh, God." Were your first words out of your mouth this morning the moment you realized what day it was. Interview day. You'd obviously done job interviews before... but this? This was NOT a job interview. This was a recorded interview for Buzzfeed. To say you were nervous was an understatement.

Reneé laid in bed next to you, murmuring something when her arm came and wrapped around your body. Pulling you impossibly close as her eyes fluttered open, her gaze half lidded as she watched you with concern in her eyes. "Mm, baby? What's wrong?"

The panic in your eyes didn't leave as you looked at her, her touch definitely helped you relax. Even just a little," we have that interview today."

"Huh?" She looked at you with confusion before it clicked in her head what you meant. Reneé had almost internally forgotten about it," oh shit." Her panic was different than yours. The stress of getting ready for the interview as opposed to the actual interview itself.

She looked at the clock and sighed," we've got time before we have to start getting ready. C'mere." Reneé mumbled, pulling you into your arms. She hadn't noticed right away how stressed you were, until she felt how quickly your chest was moving. She adjusted herself so she hovered just above you. Arms rested on either side.

With brows narrowed in concern, she studied you. Noting how you couldn't meet her eyes, how you seemed to tremble just a little. Reneé took your chin in her hand, thumb gently rubbing across your jawline in a soothing motion.

"Look at me, baby. What did I tell you yesterday?" Reneé asked, her tone soft and soothing.

Yesterday. That felt like so long ago right now. You forced your mind to try to remember the exact moment she was referring to through your growing anxiety. It wasn't easy, but you think you found it. Although you weren't about to say the moment she wanted you to, you went with another one as you smirked at her," 'Nice ass'?" You quoted.

Heat flushed through Reneé's cheeks and she rolled her eyes at your response," ha ha. Cute, but no. And I know you know what I'm talking about."

"Don't worry about the interview, just follow me'." You quoted her again and she smiled at you, giving your forehead a kiss.

"Exactly. You're gonna do fine."

The day seemed to go by quickly, almost too quickly for your liking. Soon enough you were on the interview couch with Reneé next to you and the interviewer across from you in his own chair.

He offered the two of you a smile," Reneé Rapp and Y/N L/N, ladies and gentlemen!" He introduced the two of you to the camera before looking your way again," Reneé! Lovely to have you again."

"Happy to be here," Reneé smiled, giving your hand a subtle reassuring squeeze. The two of you sat close, the only thing keeping you at a slight distance was your hands intertwined together in the middle. You had asked Reneé prior if she could hold your hand throughout the interview. She, obviously, agreed.

The interviewer didn't seem to have an issue with it, if anything they were encouraging the two of you to be coupley. Wanting to boost their views off it.

"Tell us who you've brought with you today," The interviewer continued.

"I think she can introduce herself," Reneé looked at you, her eyes soft and encouraging," can't you, baby?"

You tried your damn hardest not to stutter over your words, though you fumbled a little anyways," I'm her girlfriend, Y/N L/N."

Reneé gave your hand another squeeze, her eyes showing nothing but love and pride for you. With how nervous you'd been all day, she was worried about how this would go for you. But you seem to he handling yourself just fine.

"I understand Reneé recently announced that she was dating someone, it's lovely to formally meet you. Now, how long has this relationship been going on for?" The interviewer asked.

You instinctively looked at Reneé, feeling your nerves kick up again. Reneé seemed relatively calm. As though she wasn't nervous at all.

"A little over five months now," She answered confidently. You nodded and rested your head on her shoulder to be closer, she gave your forehead a kiss and the interviewer smiled.

"Five months? That's quite a lot of time. I assume the L word has been said already?"

Your cheeks flushed and your eyes went to Reneé's again, she met your gaze with a loving smile," yes." She answered.

"Who said it first?" He asked.

"I did," You murmured, remembering the moment vividly.

Reneé had taken you out on a nice dinner date for your birthday, which happened just over a month into the relationship. You hadn't even realized you had said the words until Reneé was kissing you and saying them back.

Reneé nodded," she beat me to it. I was already planning on saying it that night since it was Y/N's birthday."

The interviewer laughed a little," that's cute. Going off of the lines of firsts, who kissed who?"

"That was all her," You pointed to Reneé with a grin and she rolled her eyes, giving your finger a playful swat.

"It was definitely me." Reneé confirmed.

"How'd that happen?" He asked.

"Well, I was just getting off stage from a show I had invited Y/N too. She ran up to me with like the biggest smile on her face, absolutely gushing about everything and I couldn't help it. She was just too cute," Reneé lifted your intertwined hands to her lips, giving your knuckles a kiss.

You couldn't help but giggle at that. Feeling much more relaxed than you had at the start of the day.

That was just like Reneé, though. She always knew how to calm your nerves no matter what it was you were doing. It's part of why you loved her so much. She just... understood you.

[curio-queries]

I saw Jungkook's documentary this weekend and have just a few thoughts. If you're avoiding spoilers, don't click the cut!

The Hybe Documentary Format

So...as a reminder to you all, I do not have professional expertise in the film industry. I'm just a very discerning consumer. I also haven't seen Hobi's documentary and I watched Road to D-Day while I was quite ill last year so I only vaguely remember some bits. (I'll definitely be getting back to those sooner rather than later though as research for a series of posts I'm developing.) That being said, I think we have enough data points to state that Hybe has absolutely no interest in filmmaking techniques outside of music videos.

I did mostly enjoy my experience seeing this film yesterday and I'm always grateful for any amount of footage the members are willing to share with us but this 'documentary ' was worse than Jimin's Production Diary. Any of you that managed to make it through my rambling review will know how dissatisfied I was with that.

I Am Still is not a documentary, it's a mixture of showcase footage and behind-the-scenes clips, most of which has already been divulged in the various episodes and shooting sketches on YouTube. Honestly, if you're not able to see the film, just go rewatch all of the bangtantv content for JKs solo period and the showcase and you'll be up to speed with 85% of what was in the documentary.

There are definitely some expansions to the storylines featured in the bangtantv content; mostly being anything that wasn't overtly optimistic. For example, we learn a little bit more about just how sick JK was during the Seven/3D promotions. That content likely was pulled from the bangtantv edit because it would have put a damper on the promotions and given certain 'fans' a focus to fixate their vitriol. But overall, it feels more like an extended version of existing content rather than a new work. At least JPD didn't continually feed us footage we'd seen before.

I'm someone who gets completely bothered by previews spoiling content so I didn't watch any of the promos until after I saw it and I am so glad I skipped them because most of the 'original' scenes of the film were featured in least one of them. Alas, that's a separate issue of which I'm definitely in the minority.

Was There No Structure?

Kinda. Like JPD, there is a semblance of a structure: Attempting to follow the chronology of release activities for JKs GOLDEN album through the lens of JKs staement trying to prove that he is still worthy of everything he was being hailed as during the BTS group activities but I don't feel this was successfully executed. It jumps round enough and isn't very successful in explaining the events if you didn't already know about them. The film starts with the SEVEN performance at GMA and footage that we've already seen of JK recording SEVEN, not mentioning anything about the music video or really how JK got involved with the song in the first place. The rest of the story beats have similar missing points.

They have a vague narrative with the 'I Am Still' points but that's mostly carried by subs and a couple of moments that JK mentions himself. I'm not saying it's not true or wasn't top-of-mind for JK during this process but it's not the main point of many of the moment/messages he shared with us during this time period so it feels a little disingenuous since everything else jn this film really only makes sense if you've already seen quite a lot of behind-the-scenes content.

Honestly, it makes me question the intended audience. Obviously, they know that ARMY will shell out whatever we need to when there's new content from our members but most of us will have already seen all of the bangtantv content so we are already familiar with the most of the footage in this film. I genuinely don't think this was produced in such a way to be palatable for audiences not familiar with BTS so who does that leave? Our friends and family that are peripherally aware of the content but haven't learned the basics of JKs album? ARMY with short term memories only?

But again, it seems this film was compiled by an editing team and not lead by a director with experience in crafting a documentary. The only new footage that Ican guarantee was captured with the express purpose of being included in this film was the few clips of JK talking in the practice room with the albums displayed by him. But we all know that's where all of the promo clips were gathered as well. I have issues with that approach as well but I'll leave this point alone for now unless anyone is interested.

Suffice it to say, all of these suppositions over the past year about how JKs documentary was getting special treatment or even questioning about investment in a project up front are dead. This was a product assembled with bits of what they already had completely in-house which was sold for distribution.

So, Did We Learn NOTHING?

No, there are a few Golden nuggets (see what I did there?). I can't recall everything having only seen it once (and having a rather disruptive audience - I swear there were only dozen or so ppl in my theater but I forget how obnoxious teenagers can be. I'm glad they're enjoying and supporting but we really didn't need light sticks flashing during a film and how many times does one person need to get up to answer their phone during this runtime? Three according to the row in front of mine.)

Anyway, something I thought was interesting to learn was that Standing Next To You was initially recorded the day after JK heard it for the first time. And hearing a little more about how JK yearned to perform that song definitelygot me thinking a little more about it. We can't reach any conclusions just with this little nugget but it does open the door to some theories. Like perhaps they were initially planning to have JK record two separate albums? SEVEN and 3D would be the singles of the first and JK would perform them as we saw but perhaps STNY was originally planned to be the single of the 2nd album that would release while he was in the military and thus be unable to perform it? Maybe JK loved STNY so much that everything was grouped into one album and Never Let Go was the only track held back for ms? Definitely some theorizing space to be had now.

Final thoughts?

Similar to my thoughts on the GCF: Budapest (which I feel would have had a much better reception if it had been labeled as a bangtan episode rather than a GCF), I AM Still should not have purported to be a documentary. It was much more similar to the annual Memories compilations. But the general public would not have shelled out the $25 to go to a theater to watch a Memories DVD so alas, we have our content packaged as a ~documentary~...

Did my view on the music change at all? Not because of the documentary. We're coming up on the year anniversary of GOLDEN and it's still definitely not my favorite. I completely understand why some people like it but it's just not to my taste. The overall impact falls a little flat for me. Too much breadth and not enough depth. I came into my musical soul during the 00s emo phase and will always be a sucker for music that absolutely drips in an emotional way rather than catchy songs vaguely referencing heartache and love. Again, just a matter of viewpoint.

I do think most of these songs stand much better being shuffled amongst other artists in a Playlist and several of them are significantly better when JK sang them live but I still won't be listening to them regularly. I wholeheartedly believe JK completed his task of proving himself as an extremely dedicated and versatile singer and performer. He's definitely got some solid points added to his resume after this project.

[ssailormoonn]

❛ HE CARES !! ❜

Genin! Sasuke Uchiha X Fem!Genin!Reader

WC; 700+ | !MDNI! | TW/CW :: same warning as my other genin sasuke work, no triggers apart from sasuke himself, x fem reader, reader is apart of team 7, reader is a genin, reader is a ninja

⋆·˚ ༘ *𝑅𝐸𝒬𝒰𝐸𝒮𝒯 :: (filled request) genin sasuke x fem or gn reader where he catches them crying over something(plot is up to you) and tries to comfort them? lots of fluff and maybe hints of a closer relationship? :0 - ANON

m.list | naruto/boruto m.list | uchiha m.list

Sasuke had always been observant.

He didn't say much, but he saw things.

He saw how hard you were training.

He saw you were doing all this for him, but he said nothing, he didn't want to embarrass you.

That must have been why he'd noticed you in the first place, too. You were doing it for him, but you weren't making it obvious; you were yourself.

But today was different.

Sasuke was on his way back from his own training when he saw you sitting beneath a large tree near the training grounds. Hunched over- head resting on your knees, even from a distance, he could hear soft, muffled sounds, crying.

He felt his heart ache.

Sasuke definitely wasn't the type to get involved in other people's problems, but seeing you there, obviously crying and sad. It tugged at his heart in a way he didn't know. Sasuke had no clue what and why his heart was tugging, but he knew it had something to do with you.

He let out a sigh and then and then found himself walking in your direction. His footsteps were light, but you tensed nonetheless at the soft sound of his approach, how did you even know it was Sasuke? You tried to hastily wipe your tears away, praying to God no one caught you in such a state, especially of all people, Sasuke.

"Hey," he said softly.

You looked up, startled, face red and blotchy from crying. "Sasuke?"

He didn't say a word, at first, only knelt before you. "What's wrong?"

You quickly turned your face away, mortified to be caught sobbing, you were mentally slapping yourself. In front of the guy you liked as well? Terrible, you could just hide away in a hole right now.

"Nothing," you mumbled, trying to regain composure. "It's nothing. I'm fine."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "Doesn't look like nothing," he said, a little too bluntly and you flinched slightly, at which his eyes slight widened as he realised his tone.

Oh no, he thought, I don't. want to hurt her more.

You sniffled, wiping at your eyes again. "I just. I'm frustrated, okay? It's stupid."

Sasuke said nothing but waited patiently for you to continue. Your eyes widened as you felt that Sasuke was waiting for you to speak, he wanted to know how you were feeling.

Your heart was about to leap out of your chest.

It wasn't just him being in worry, asking about you. but he was also very close to you-your heart won't be able to take it.

"I've been trying so hard, you know? Training, doing my best. But it just feels like. like it's not enough. I'm not getting stronger fast enough." Your voice cracked slightly. "And I just feel. behind. Like I'm never going to catch up."

Sasuke was silent for a moment, working through what you'd said. He wasn't the best with comforting people, he just didn't get much practice with it given his dead parents and sibling, but he did grasp what you were saying.

Better than anyone in the world, in fact. Better than anyone in the world, he knew what it felt like to think you were never catching up.

"You're not behind," he said finally. "Everyone moves at their own pace. It doesn't mean you're weak."

You blinked in surprise.

It wasn't like Sasuke to offer encouragement like that.

He turned away from you, staring off in the distance, his voice softening a bit. "It's not easy. Getting stronger. it takes time. And it's frustrating. But. you're not alone in that. I get it."

And hearing that from Sasuke... Sasuke who had always been strong, always one step ahead of the rest-made something in your chest come undone. It sounded like he really did understand.

"Thank you," you whispered.

Sasuke's gaze relaxed for a moment before he shook his head quickly, almost awkwardly, He was not used to this, speaking this way, being near someone this way.

With you, though, it didn't feel as odd as he had thought it would.

He liked it.

Sasuke thinks that he might even love you.

He said again, this time with a quieter voice. "You're... not weak. You're one of the few people I actually think has potential." Your heart skipped a beat at that.  Coming from Sasuke, that was probably one of the highest compliments you could get. Lifting your head up to his face, you see the soft pink flush on his cheeks which makes your heart stutter.  He cares about you.  Truly, he does.

You didn't know what to say, so you only inclined your head a little farther, your shoulder brushing against his. It wasn't much for the moment, but it would do.

Do not copy, steal, modify, use for AI, etc. Relogs and like are appreciated.

m.list | naruto/boruto m.list | uchiha m.list

taglist :: @enouche @lovelyandproblematic

@sugu-love @why-are-you-still-awake

[thinkinginpen]

Jazz and Desire

a/n: This one is just to tease you guys because I felt like it: pairing: bucky x reader w/c: 4.4k warnings: romance, hinting, love, etc. summary: Going on a first date with Bucky and he takes you home.

Bucky looks at his watch for the twelfth time in the last half hour.

"Relax," you say. "You look like a college kid on his first date."

"I'm nervous," Bucky replies. He straightens his tie and sighs. It's hard to tell in the dim light of the bar, but you swear he looks a little red-faced. "It's been a while since I've done this."

"And here I thought you were some sort of World War 2 playboy." You take a sip of your drink, looking him up and down. He's a little dressed up for a dark dive like this, but you're certainly not complaining.

Bucky shrugs, trying to look casual as he takes a drink of his own. "I don't know if that's an accurate description. Most of my dates in that era never made it past second base."

You laugh. "Bucky Barnes, are you saying you were a nice boy during the war?"

"Hey, I tried to be a gentleman," Bucky says, although he's smiling. "I'll have you know, I was quite the charmer."

"And humble, too." You roll your eyes, trying to hide your smile.

"I'm serious," Bucky says, leaning in a little closer. "When I was trying to impress someone, I was the sweetest guy you'll ever meet."

His voice lowers a bit, his smile growing a little more wicked. "Until you got me alone, that is."

You raise an eyebrow, trying to keep your cool even though you can feel the heat rising in your face.

"Oh, so you were a nice boy when someone was watching but a bad boy behind closed doors?"

Bucky grins at your reaction.

"That's exactly what I'm saying. I was a good boy in public and a very bad boy in private."

He smirks and lets his eyes wander up and down your body, obviously enjoying how flustered he's making you.

You can feel your heart pounding in your chest as you try to keep up the banter.

"And what kind of bad things did you like to do behind closed doors, Sarge?"

Bucky leans in even closer, his voice lowered to a near-whisper as he murmurs in your ear.

"Let's just say it involves a lot less talking and a lot more…"

He suddenly pulls back, leaving you hanging for a moment before finishing the sentence.

"Dancing. We'd do a lot of dancing. What did you think I was going to say?"

You roll your eyes again, trying not to show just how much he's getting to you.

"Oh, I'm sure you were a real Fred Astaire in your heyday."

"I was pretty good," Bucky says, smiling smugly. "And I can still cut a pretty mean rug, if I do say so myself."

He stands up from the stool and straightens his jacket, offering you his hand. "Feel like a demonstration? I have an old record player back at my place."

You hesitate, considering. On the one hand, you were having a good time here in the relative safety of the bar. On the other hand… spending more time alone with Bucky, potentially within touching distance of his bed…

You take a deep breath and reach out, grabbing his hand. "Okay, but you better be able to back up your big talk, soldier."

Bucky grins, obviously pleased that he's talked you into this. He pulls you to your feet with his Vibranium arm as he stands up, his chest suddenly pressed against yours.

"I'll do my best, doll," he says, his voice a low murmur. "But I always deliver."

You can feel your heart racing as he pulls you close, his muscular chest pressed against yours. You can feel the heat radiating off his body, his muscles coiled under his jacket, just waiting to spring into action.

You take a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. "So, are we heading back to your place to do some dancing, or what?"

Bucky grins, clearly enjoying the effect he's having on you. "Dancing, yes. There might be some other things involved too."

He keeps hold of your hand as he guides you out of the bar and into the cool night air. The walk to his apartment is only a few blocks, but it feels like an eternity as the tension between you continues to build.

Finally, you reach his apartment building. Bucky leads you up the stairs to the third floor, unlocking the door and flipping on a light switch.

His apartment is small, but tidy. There's an old record player in the corner, and Bucky heads straight for it. He rifles through his collection of records before pulling one out and carefully placing it on the player.

"You recognize this song?" he asks as he starts the record spinning.

You nod as you recognize the opening bars of the song. It's a slow, sultry jazz number, the kind that's perfect for dancing.

Bucky holds out his regular hand for you, gesturing for you to join him in the small living room. "C'mere."

You take his hand and let him pull you into the middle of the room, then he smoothly pulls you into his arms, your body pressed against his. You can feel the hard muscle of his chest against your cheek as he starts to sway to the music, guiding you in a slow circle across the wooden floor.

Bucky's arms are strong and sure as he leads you around the room. You can feel the steady rhythm of his heart against your cheek, and the warmth of his breath as he speaks quietly in your ear.

"See? Nice, polite boy in public, and not too bad today."

He spins you out in a quick twirl, then pulls you back in tightly, your bodies now pressed even closer together.

You try to say something witty in response, but all that comes out is a small gasp as he pulls you back in. You can feel the heat of his body against yours, the firm muscles of his arms as he holds you close.

"So," you say, trying to keep your voice steady. "Is this what you did with all the girls back in the forties? Slow dancing?"

"I did a little bit more than dance," he replies, his voice a low murmur in your ear. "But yes, I did a lot of dancing."

He spins you out again, then pulls you back in with a twirl, his arms wrapping tighter around your waist. He's pressed flush against you, his hips pressed against your hips, his thighs pressed against your thighs.

You can feel your face growing warmer as you dance. Bucky's body is like a furnace pressed tightly against yours, the feel of him nearly overwhelming. You can feel the taut muscles of his arms and chest through his shirt, the heat of his breath against your skin as he murmurs in your ear.

"You know," he says, his voice low and raspy. "I wasn't joking about it getting a lot less polite in private."

"Oh really?" you reply, trying to sound casual, but your voice betrays you with a small hitch in your breath at the end.

"Mm-hm," Bucky says, his lips brushing the soft skin of your ear. "I was a real bad boy behind closed doors. In fact, some of the things I did were downright sinful…"

The low rumble of his voice combined with the warmth of his body is almost too much for you to handle. You can feel yourself starting to lose control, your body responding to his on its own.

"Oh yeah?" you say, your voice breathless. "What kind of… sinful things?"

"Oh, you know… touching… caressing…" Bucky murmurs, his lips brushing against the side of your neck, his hand tracing a lazy path down your back. "Kissing… biting…"

You let out a shuddering gasp as he kisses your neck, his lips trailing down the sensitive skin to your collarbone. The feel of his mouth on your skin is like fire, and you can feel your body responding hungrily to his touch.

"B-Bucky," you whisper, trying to gather your thoughts. "We… we shouldn't…"

"Why not?" Bucky says, his voice low and sultry in your ear. "Aren't you enjoying your date, doll?"

He starts to kiss his way back up your neck, his hand now resting at the small of your back, his fingers tracing lazy circles on your skin.

"You're a grown woman," he continues, his voice still low and intimate. "You're allowed to enjoy yourself."

Your body betrays you, leaning into his touch as he kisses your neck and shoulders. His words are making it harder and harder to resist him.

"We… we just met," you protest weakly, but you can feel yourself starting to give in.

Bucky chuckles, his breath hot against your skin. "That's never stopped me before."

You take a shaky breath as his lips brush against your ear again, his voice dropping even lower, almost a growl. "I always get what I want, doll. And right now, I want you."

His hand slides down to the curve of your hip, pulling you closer. You can feel the hard planes of his body pressed against yours, and your resistance is rapidly weakening.

Bucky starts kissing his way down your neck, his hot breath fanning across your skin as his lips travel lower and lower. You can feel yourself losing control, your eyes closing as your head tilts back, your body practically melting into his.

"B-Bucky," you whisper, your voice sounding weak. "We… we shouldn't…"

He chuckles, his voice low and intimate in your ear, his body pressed up against yours. "Oh, but I think we should."

[failyaoi]

Khaos Reigns Spoilers my thoughts on everything xd

well starting off there's a lot I'm upset about and a lot I'm happy about. so I'll air out my grievances first -

I'd like to say I actually had a feeling from the start that Sektor was genderbent in order to be shipped with Bi-Han...but I didn't feel that was fair to her so I didn't really say anything... when I saw this I just had all my fears confirmed 😭 WB didn't want to do a gay relationship so they just genderbent Sektor. I'm honestly really upset about this because it's just.........weird. it makes me scared for the future of lgbtq rep in MK..... as a bi & trans person it's honestly saddening to see that happen, especially because they took classic subscorp from us. I don't have a problem with girl Sektor or Cyrax at ALL btw. I love them, this is just really crappy on WB's part another thing I'm upset about is the lack of our main characters and the introduction of new ones- I don't like the multiverse stuff as much as I did when Mk1 first released because it made sense. but I personally didn't feel bad for Emperor Rain or Tanya, because I don't Know Them (their designs were really cool though) and new variants coming from different timelines and being the main focus feels........ODD. for mortal kombat. I was expecting a lot more focus on Raiden and Lao but we didn't really see much of them. not impressed with Titan Havik's defeat. he felt very weak after being hyped up the entire time. I actually like Titan Havik as he is a really good mix of chaotic, silly, and evil. he had a lot of cool things like the maze (which I would've REALLY loved to see the earthrealm champions in, btw) and the pit. seeing Noob/Bi-Han defeat him THAT easily with not even an invasions style boss or anything was really disappointing but 😭 for the last thing... I'm actually a little disappointed no main character actually died . I was expecting maybe Smoke or Lao to die because... THIS IS MORTAL KOMBAT 😭😭 like main characters tend to die, and they're just not, and it doesn't feel right because this franchise has had a lot of angst over the years and missing that feels empty NOW FOR THE THINGS I LIKE!!! :3

The visuals in this dlc are amazing

the attention to detail is really cute-

and as always I'm so happy to see all the characters again >_< BI-HAN'S SMIRK

OKAY I actually really , reallyyyyy liked the writing with these 4 here, it shows more into their friendship and that they've obviously been friends for a while now. I got so emotional seeing them hanging out again

glad to see Orin back but she's terrifying omfg. WHAT DID HAVIK DO TO HERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

beautiful wife appreciation:

GERLIU AHHJAFHAWJFBWF THEY HEARD MY PRAYERS THEY HEARD MEEEEEEEEEE the way Liu didn't even flinch oh myyg gdododdffdd

also Kenshi eye scars confirmed ???? WE WIN ??? WE LITERALLY WIN ?????? the animalities are really really cool and I'm actually about to go play some mk1 ranked and try out all of Lao's new moves and stuffs and to check out all the new junk....I'm very excited and happy at where this game is at game-play wise ^_^ I LOVE YOU MORTAL KOMBAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[childlikegoblinqueen]

SCOM FINALE writing notes (Probably the first of MANY!)

THE IMPORTANCE OF NAMES.

Hey! I am so excited to have brought Sweet Child O' Mine full circle. One thing I kept REALLY close to the chest was the name of the baby.

I DID share it with a few artists I worked with though. Thank you in particular to @lovemoroporo @findmeinthefallair @smallpapers for holding onto that! You are AMAZING!

Thanks also to @the-omori-archives who made AMAZING fanart of her!

Quick note below. I think I accidentally shared an ask with her name yesterday, but I want to pretend to keep it under wraps for a little longer.

Names are super important in folklore! I think the whole TOH fandom began really SEEING Hunter in Hunting Palisman. Obviously, we saw him unmasked for the first time, but we also saw his quirks and vulnerabilities. Also, we saw that the Golden Guard is a child.

So for me, the first real heart breaking moment was when Hunter lowered his staff. His eyes softened and he gave Luz his name.

Shortly after is our real first visual proof that Hunter's relationship with Belos is both emotionally and physically abusive. We see him accept Flapjack and loosen his grip and apologize for holding him so hard.

THE FORESHADOWING!

But we all know this! What I wanted to work with in SCOM was that it seemed that NO ONE other than Belos (and later Luz) actually knew Hunter's name. Maybe this was just my conclusion. Others have analyzed this as well. But it seemed like just another thing used to exert control and ownership over Hunter.

Hunter's feeling about his name comes up A LOT in SCOM. At one point he explicitly asks Willow not to name the baby "Hunter", because his name is his burden to bear.

Funnily enough, Steve and Katya are naming their son Orion. Something that genuinely shocks Hunter. Steve tells him he and Katya wanted to name their son after him because they (Steve especially) admires Hunter. I also realize this means that one of Artemis' close family friends will have a name that's a similar variation to her own.

Do you all think they'd be close?

Of course, Steve's reveal about the name he has chosen for his son is followed by a flashback where Steve and Hunter meet for the first time and Steve is hazed by the Scouts who tell him he has to beat Hunter up (I think Hunter was 8 at the time? I have to look back.) I imagine Steve in SCOM universe to be 8 years older than Hunter. I'm working on an AU where that gap is SLIGHTLY LESS, but here, it seemed to make more sense.

Steve himself in SCOM only became "Steve Tholomule" after realizing his birth father was a bad person, and accepting his stepdad as a parent -- and taking his name.

As I mentioned in my notes at the last chapter, Artemis was ALWAYS going to be the baby's name, for many reasons that readers have already picked up on.

But on top of everything, what I REALLY wanted to play with Hunter's feelings about his name and with Artemis coming into his life, allowing Hunter to change what he saw as a burden to a blessing.

Any questions about this or anything else? Feel free to ask.

[agentark]

whatever you do, don't imagine a young J Corvin waiting every day at the end of their drive, hoping today is the day the mail carrier finally brings a letter from their very best friend

[necrotic-nephilim]

What do you think about the fab five polycule

(Dick x donna x wally x garth x roy)

i'll be SO honest i wish i had like. insightful interesting opinions on them but i've always been a Young Justice kid and sort of. breezed past consuming Fab Five Teen Titans content-

but of what i *do* know, from the few comics i've read with these characters is this is one of the best ships for Dick, honestly. it always deeply annoys me when fanon content breezes past the Titans as if they're just some distant teammates and not some of Dick's closest friends, if not a second family. *especially* the Fab Five. for most, if not all of them, it's the first time getting to actually connect with other teen heroes. so there's something fun about how sort of terrible they are at it, at first. they all care about each other a lot. but they're kind of chucked into the deep figuring out how to work with each other and get along with *very* different personalities, so it's fun to see where the conflict comes.

as a ship, i do really love it. the Titans are a family. like we call a lot of teams found families, but for the Fab Five, that shit is the truest. they depend on each other and trust each other. when Dick and Bruce are on outs and Bruce fires him, he goes to the Titans.

i also enjoy how, to an extent, all of them are outsiders of some kind. Donna is alone in a new world she's never experienced, the same as Garth. Roy is still new and awkward to living the rich life with Oliver. Wally doesn't connect to his parents well. and of course, Dick has lost his parents and only has Bruce, who isn't the most emotionally available. of course they're going to cling to each other, as the first people they can really develop connections too. they're very clingy with each other and i think that's both cute and *fun* to explore like, codependency issues with them. how protective they can be of each other, how they default to trusting each other over their mentors, etc. it's all very interesting for a polycule, especially since for most of them, it's their first real relationship. i'm a big fan of "none of us know what dating looks like bc we've had such strange childhoods so we don't understand the Rules very well. we're all just going to date each other bc why would i date only one of you. do teamups count as dates now." vibes with teenage polycules. and the Fab Five just. have that on lock. they each fulfill a different "niche" in the group. Garth is the softer, more emotional one you can go to if you're upset. Donna is the one for planning bright fun trips and making sure you don't wallow. Roy is protective and can pretend to be suave, but he shows affection through gift giving and grand gestures where words fail him. Wally can cheer any of them up with jokes and distractions. and of course Dick is the logical one who makes sure they all keep their heads on and don't drown in the responsibility.

overall i think it's a really cute ship and i do wish i just. knew more about them to be able to write them/read fic of it because i do love their dynamic. and i'm just a firm believer in the Titans being Dick's family, just as important to him as the Batfam. they're a disaster and for that you gotta love them.

[jupitersflytrap]

i just read the curious incident of the dog in the night-time and hopped on here to see what the general consensus was about it and oh dear i was not expecting to see so many people hating it

[mirmidones]

3.40 i woke up bc i was cold and needed to pee and now i can't fall back asleep i keep thinking of the people i accidentally ghosted. is it ghosted if there was no intent to ghost? i feel so bad and it's not even like i don't think about them i often do think "i should really reply to them... once this is over ill properly sit down and write them... " and then i don't bc something else happens and im dealing with that and the longer i leave it unanswered the more difficult it becomes because i feel so guilty and therefore want to do things properly not half assed but bc i feel so guilty a part of me also tends to avoid it even more. if i do this to you just know i'm really sorry and ill get back to you i swear

[netherdevil]

so i have 9 hours so far on ZZZ

i downloaded it JUST TODAY. AT 1PM. thats not normal

[monty-glasses-roxy]

On another note, it's actually kinda hard to draw references for all the guys I wanna draw references for because of the simple fact the vast majority of my drawing ability is hyperfocused on quadruped animals.

If you're a visual artist of any kind and you see this post, I am challenging you to go and draw something you've never drawn before right now. Like if you draw humans, go draw some hamsters and if you draw dogs go draw some chickens or something. If you've never drawn horses much before go draw some of them and try your best not to make them look like a dog with a funny face. Go have fun with that right now

[britneyshakespeare]

i have been working with kids for four years and i had to write my first ever note just now about a seventh grade boy being inappropriate towards me. i don't know what the hell this could possibly lead to or what. he was trying to feel my legs repeatedly to the point where i had to stop sitting next to him (and i was subbing for his one-to-one para!!!). he's got high support needs. in that kind of job, you're supposed to sit next to them all day and look over their work.

the teacher whose classroom this was happening in could also tell something was wrong. the whole class was acting kinda crazy because it was the day before school vacation week and there was another class coming in to share projects. so like, he was swamped with keeping order already. but we were sitting two feet away from his podium at the front of the room. the kid was giving him and me a hard time when he wouldn't take out his chromebook as he was instructed. and then when he did take out his chromebook, he immediately, for some reason, places it on my lap. he had been ogling my legs the whole time. he puts his computer ON MY LAP. and i'm just like, stunned, because what the hell? can you not keep it on your own lap, for some reason? i don't even know what to say, i just hold it a little above my lap while i'm thinking why on earth would this be happening? he would NOT do this to his regular para if she were here, would he? this can't be normal.

and the teacher sees this and within a minute places a stool in front of the kid for him to put his laptop on. and i'm like. oh ok. yeah. he notices exactly what's happening and that that's not appropriate. and then when the other class comes in to share projects he tells me "miss b——, you don't actually have to sit next to c—— this whole period if you don't want to." and he grabs me a chair for me to go sit with the other paras in the back opposite corner of the room. like he KNEW. and thank you mr. d—— for recognizing that because i was just kind of shocked and didn't know if i was overreacting in my head to all of this.

when there's a point in the class where the kids are discussing stuff, i privately mention what's happened to the para who's sitting closest to me. and she says that the thing about him calling me pretty is something he's been known to do, but the fact that he kept trying to touch my legs is new behavior. and that's a completely different class of behavior. i was telling him NO, don't do that, and he kept doing it. and the fact that he was calling me pretty repeatedly, even when i was giving him instructions that he wasn't taking. and this is the second to last class before the end of the day, so she says she'll take a walk with him before learning center and talk to him about it, and i'm grateful for that. she does. the kid apologizes to me as soon as i come into learning center. but like. WHAT the hell.

i'm STILL like what the hell. this is unfathomable to me. the other adults who i told about this or who witnessed it were supportive of me. but. what to do??? i wrote a long note to his regular para about this, because i knew she was going to hear about it at least from the first para i told. the second para i told about it after school had a kind of... i'm not gonna say enabling reaction, but i suppose since it had already been "taken care of" (or at least, he had been spoken to and apologized) she didn't really have much to add in the way of discipline. i told her what happened after school and she was just like... a little bit, laughing? like oh, yup, that dog. she at the very least confirmed he KNEW what he was doing, that that was not an accident. she said to me "i had a feeling he was going to develop a crush on you" (me and these other paras were together for most of the beginning of the day too). but it's like. it's not about that.

i have worked with children for FOUR years. children have had crushes on me before; i'm quite unfazed by it. boys from the ages of 5-to-15 have told me i'm so pretty before and asked me to marry them. i've never had them feeling up my legs before. i've never had them making me physically uncomfortable. it's NOT about this seventh grader having a crush on the pretty substitute. he is NOT unusual for that, at all. but i've never had a boy of any age or education level repeatedly touching my knees and thighs. THAT is problem behavior!!!

because what if i wasn't assertive enough with him to tell him to stop? what if i was a girl his age? worse, what if i was an adult who encouraged this behavior? i don't come to the middle school to be a seductress. i had no intention in putting on a pair of tights and a skirt this morning of being viewed as an attractive object, especially not by a pubescent boy. what if i did though? what if his interpretation of me wasn't so incorrect and offensive? what if i let him keep touching me inappropriately and saying flirtatious things to me? me, an adult in my mid-twenties, towards a middle school boy?

in no world would that be ok. if i had been feeling up and overly-complimenting a CHILD at my place of work, holy shit would there be reports about me. so a child acting that way could never be ok either. if it'd be firable for me to be reciprocating that action, then that action should not be happening to me. ever. and that child should never repeat that action again to any other adult again.

like i am simply not there to be treated as an attractive young woman. i put on a skirt that shows too much knee and get paired with a boy, though, and that's apparently just a natural consequence. hooo-ly shit. like i don't know what to do. first of all, the more time passes since this has happened, the more i am just unable to stop thinking about it. i wasn't "hurt" or too emotional in the moment but i'm just still processing it and it gets worse. i'm just more and more disgusted.

i don't know what i expect to come out of this, or the email i sent to his regular para. like, am i gonna have to attend a fucking meeting? what is the precedent that this sets for him? WHY do i feel BAD for him about this? well, because he's a child, of course. a child who has done wrong he may not be able to understand. but he knows WHAT he did. he just doesn't know WHY it was wrong.

and i couldn't even say something to him that was like, "well, how would you like it if i was touching you like this?" because young boys do not understand how inappropriate it'd be. i'm sure this kid thought he was gonna get away with what he was doing at the very least. but probably not unlikely he (being a child with no concept of how wrong it'd be) thought he could get some sort of "positive" attention for treating me like this. either way he was simply doing what he wanted to do, with no perspective of how it would make me feel or that it could be classified as harassment. teenage boys think it'd be awesome if the older attractive woman would reciprocate their affections. they're wrong. i, as the older attractive woman of his affection, cannot be the one to convince him of that, though.

i don't know. i don't know. like it's just so not ok. but if i didn't tell another adult about this, he would've gotten away with it. he would probably do it again. and him being in trouble for it is not the same as him understanding that it was wrong. unless someone has a REAL talk with him about inappropriate attention and consent, it's not unlikely that he'll just repeat the behavior in a setting where he thinks he won't be caught or told on. THAT'S the problem. me, i could just never have to be this boy's para again. in my email, i didn't say that i would never be ok working with or around him ever again. he already knows i didn't like it and i'm not afraid to tell on him; as far as that lesson applies to me, individually, i think he's become too ashamed to repeat that.

i don't know. i don't know. i very much expressed that i, i guess, "forgave" him in the email that i wrote. i clarified that i was writing it for the sake of having it on the record. i think that could potentially be very important for the purposes of preventing further similar or escalating behavior from him in the future. i don't want him to be in trouble. i don't think i will be blamed for this, especially not with how promptly i acted, although i don't know to what extent this will be framed as me thinking i'm a "victim." i'm not... i don't feel victimized. i feel disgusted. i feel afraid for the sake of what could happen to or with him in the future, if he thinks behavior like his towards me today is ok.

i feel like if i end up having to further respond to this, this will be made about me. in a way it kind of was. is? in the moment it was happening, it was certainly about me. because i was the one this boy was giving all this unwanted attention to. but to make the consequences of this about me and to involve me any further, i also don't want. because i said what i said already, i don't care if a student has a crush on me. this isn't about me being the pretty substitute. i'm the pretty substitute all the time, to tons of people. that's not really something i've been concerned about up until now.

but do i have to reexplain my personal embarrassment? that i was wearing a skirt? that he was ogling my legs? really? what more do i have to gain from sharing that, other than having the adults at my place of work confirm or deny me in their heads as the pretty substitute? i don't know. perhaps that's REALLY overthinking it. but i don't want to be the substitute that caused a problem for this special ed kid. i don't wanna be the reason that he can't be around me anymore, the person people think of when they're monitoring how he's acting around girls and young women. i DON'T want to be the one people think of when they think of his past misbehavior. i'm NOT here for that.

that's just fucking humiliating. and in this being a thing that could follow him, i have to be ogled and touched over and over again in people's minds for this to be taken seriously. but for this to be swept under the rug would be even worse, no? i don't know. i hate this. the principal is a nice guy; i wouldn't be surprised if he and/or people from the special ed department reached out to me sympathetically about this. but i don't wanna be reached out to. i don't wanna have ppl i work with tell me "sorry that kid was just so attracted to you he couldn't help himself" like come on. if the kid himself doesn't change then i don't really care to remember this incident. and no one reaching out to me and saying they've talked to this kid will actually prove to me he understands. this is the kind of inappropriate behavior it takes years for people to understand why it was wrong, especially a child who has no idea. i mean come on.