#oh my god i went on FOR FUCKING EVER !!!!!! AUTISM MOMENT.

[bluejaybytes]

show us your oc lore!!

I'm so sorry but it's exclusively my Splatoon OCs

I'm not at ALL confident in how legible this is, but this is my Web Of Lesbianism(tm), AKA how (almost) all of my lesbian sploon OCs connect to each other, excluding a few who only connect in small places and/or I don't feel like making icons for. Sorry to Scarlet, who absolutely warrants a place here, but I simply Do Not Want to make an icon for </3

Lore under the readmore because I get extremely rambly. whoops and apologies and this is probably the only time i'll ever let myself get THIS infodump-y in a Tumblr post. I'm writing this after I wrote it all out and I'm so fucking sorry it's literally over 2k words because I have no ability to stop once I've started and I've been outright POSSESSED by these losers for the past month. Here's basically everything about my Splatoon OCs

FOR NAMES. Top right is Basil (Blue tentacles), middle right is Penny (Her name is just written because I haven't drawn her yet), bottom right is June (Pink tentacles), bottom middle is Jake (Blue tentacles), bottom left is Parker (Purple tentacles, also the sanitized icon), middle left is Ruby (Orange tentacles), and top left is May (Pink tentacles)

Everything starts when May, Jake, and Ruby are all around ~16-17, while June, May's little sister, is around ~9. May is VERY into Jake, and Jake's just generally a big flirt and a huge romantic, though it's unsure if he really realizes May's extremely obvious crush on him (He doesn't), or he reciprocates, which is unfortunate, because Ruby, who's May's childhood best friend, is also very into her, but May doesn't realize this. When [UNDECIDED EVENT] happens and May and Jake both come to the realization they need to head to the surface to escape the oppressive Octarian domes, Ruby being with them is very clearly an afterthought, and she knows it. So, her jealousy over Jake being someone May has known for less time yet clearly loves more than her, and the fact that trying to escape being very, very illegal, she turns them both in.

Jake manages to call May before he's caught to warn her that Ruby turned them in and the cops will already be heading to her parents house, which gives May enough time to run home, grab June, and make a run for it. Both May and Jake manage to outrun the cops, with May and June ending up far into the outskirts of the domes, while Jake only gets further and deeper within them.

Around a month or two after their initial escape, May's spotted by a patrol of soldiers stationed right around the way to the surface, with the soldier who spots her specifically being Scarlet, the oldest sister to Ruby (Who's not featured here because I don't want to make her icon), who remembers May from when she was a kid and, alongside that, has been feeling disillusioned with life as a soldier, despite her high ranking, and decides not only to let May go, but to even share rations with her. This only increases as Scarlet realizes May is the runaway who's known to have a young child with her, and it goes from Scarlet sparing her own rations to stealing rations from the squad she leads to make sure both May and June are able to eat properly.

Of course, this doesn't last long, as Crimson, the middle sister to Scarlet and Ruby, and fellow soldier stationed with Scarlet's squad, gets suspicious of the missing rations, Scarlet's dismissal of the issue, and her wandering off frequently, and ends up following her and finds her giving the stolen rations to May. A fight breaks out between the two, with Crimson managing to nearly take Scarlet's eye out in the process, as Scarlet's the only person ever to bring a gun to a knife fight and lose. May booked it the MOMENT Crimson jumped out, so she's long gone by the time the scuffle ends, but Scarlet, having just been caught stealing rations, aiding a runaway, and now attacking a fellow soldier (Even if in self defense), bolts to try and make it to the surface as well, albeit she doesn't know where May ran off to.

May ends up making it to the surface around a month after that incident, after wandering lost for the time between, and, while struggling to try and buy some clothes thanks to the language barrier between her and the commonly spoken languages of the surface, one of the employees working there, Penny, is able to help figure out what May's looking for, and helps her with the whole process, since it's a lot different from how it was in the domes. They don't end up seeing each other after that for around a year, but it's important when they do, as Penny's was the first person on the surface May really had a good experience with, so when they randomly run into each other, May's very happy to be able to tell her how meaningful that was to her, and that she's much more adjusted to the culture and language now.

Meanwhile, Jake! Jake ends up wandering deep within the domes, far away from where the actual settlements and cities are, for over a year, just barely surviving through scavenging and avoiding patrolling soldiers. Still, he's not great at it, and eventually he ends up being held at gunpoint by Parker, who insists he tell her his rank and what he's doing out here. He has no idea, as he was never in the military and lies through his teeth. Luckily for him, Parker is a military deserter, and would've had a much worse reaction had she believed him, instead realizing that he's not a soldier and has no idea what he's talking about. Parker's been hiding out in the area, an abandoned sewer system that's frequented as a supply route for soldiers, for several months at this point, and while she actually enjoys her life of living down there, it's a lot of work to survive on her own, and realizing Jake's a fugitive also means he's a potential survival partner.

The two end up meeting up once every day for around a week before Parker feels confident enough that Jake isn't going to screw her over or try and turn her in or anything, and invites him to live with her at her "apartment", an old maintenance closet that's very secluded and not marked on any military maps, under the agreement that the two of them actually work together. Jake instantly agrees because he's been miserable and awful for the past year, while Parker's doing surprisingly well for herself, she even has multiple sets of clothes that she's stolen from nearby outposts (As well as an entire mattress she stole, and her most prized possession, a full deck of playing cards, and an Octo Shot she definitely killed a man for), as opposed to Jake, who's been going off of only what he had on him when everything went down, which is... practically nothing.

The plot basically slows down and chills out here for a while, May and June end up moving in with Penny after a few months of May and Penny hanging out instead of having to live in the shitty motel they'd been living in before (Albeit, the motel was better than the wilds they'd been living in before that), and Parker and Jake get adjusted to their lives in hiding surprisingly well. May and Scarlet even find each other on the surface again, they run into each other while May's out grocery shopping, and it's a very important moment for the both of them, as they've spent this entire time carrying around the guilt of feeling responsible for what happened, so them seeing the other and seeing how much better they're doing on the surface helps ease those guilts.

And then the events of Octo Expansion happen in the background. Parker and Jake know the routines of the soldiers in the area after years of living together, but the supply lines end up being used by sanitized Octoling soldiers after Kamabo starts massively ramping up production, leading to patrols of sanitized soldiers at seemingly random intervals, and outside of the predictable patterns that Parker and Jake were used to. Parker's out doing the laundry when a patrol finds her, and, greatly outnumbering her, end up nearly killing her, and dragging her back to be sanitized. She's in too bad of condition to be saved and reused as a test subject, so she's just sanitized instead.

Jake, naturally, notices when Parker never comes back from doing the laundry, and proceeds to be missing for upwards of two weeks. Jake does his best to look for her, but he also doesn't want to stray too far from their "apartment", as he's scared she might return home when he's gone, and with the unpredictable patrols, he doesn't feel like it's safe to stay out for as long as he wants to to look for her, so he ends up sticking close to home and just hoping he'll be able to find some clue of her. Of course, when he finally does, finally spotting her hanging around the entrance to the hallways that lead to their apartment, it's Not a good thing. He runs up to her to ask where she's been, and the moment he calls for her she turns and attacks him. It's not even a fair fight, even if he went in expecting a fight, he wouldn't have won, but this was a complete surprise. She quickly attacks him and takes him back to be put into the metro as a test subject, and, since he was brought back in much better shape than she was, he actually can be salvaged as a test subject!

And then he isn't. He's in the process of being readied as a test subject, namely, having his memories messed with, that the entire plot of Octo Expansion actually happens, and he's freed when the entire facility shuts down, and the metro is just a normal transport system again. He ends up wandering around for another month or so, except doing so very poorly, as the effects that being prepped to be a test subject had on his memory is bad, and basically erased all of his knowledge on how to survive on his own. Eventually, and luckily for him, he's found by one of the rescue teams that have been sent out in the aftermath of Octo Expansion to rescue lost and sanitized Octolings, and FINALLY gets brought to the surface, as well as being hospitalized for a whole myriad of problems, mainly being severely dehydrated from not remembering safe ways to find and gather water reliably.

When he's ready to be discharged, he realizes he has really nowhere to go, but since he still remembers May's phone number from when they were kids (As it's been years at this point, May and Jake are both in their mid 20s now, and June's around ~17), and calls her to ask if she can come pick him up and also if he can crash at her place for a bit. May is more than a bit surprised that her childhood friend she was fairly convinced had died years ago, and that she feels guilty for abandoning, is not only still alive, but super casual and chill just. Calling her cell and asking if he can sleep on her couch. At this point, June's already moved out, having been encouraged by both May and Penny to get out on her own and try getting out of her comfort zone, and is living in Splatsville with her roommate Basil, and not really having any major plot moments of her own. She's having fun and coming out of her shell and having silly lesbian shenanigans with her roommate in the background while Jake and May are experiencing the horrors.

Ultimately, this is about where thing stop being decided and I still need to figure out what happens next. Jake is living on May and Penny's couch (The universe will never let them have their house to themselves. Not even 3 months after June moves out, Jake's crashing on their couch), and has no memory of his time with Parker, Parker's MIA and potentially dead, and May's struggling with the idea that Jake's either in denial of some major trauma he must've faced through the years, or that she's somehow uniquely fucked up from what happened to them. To make matters worse, Jake's memory issues become more and more apparent, as he continues to struggle to remember Penny's name, instead repeatedly calling her "Parker", yet getting confused when he's corrected. I'm ultimately unsure what I'm going to do to resolve this plot thread, but May and Penny do realize that whoever Parker was, she was someone Jake knew in the time he was missing, and are trying to figure out just exactly who she was, if not where she actually is

Whether or not Parker is dead... it's up in the air. I initially planned for her to die and stay dead, but I'm the worlds biggest sap and I feel bad about killing her off permanently, as well as the fact I have plenty of silly ideas for what I could do with Parker once she's on the surface, so I'm still debating if it's more narratively satisfying for her to die or not. There's, if you believe it, actually a ton I'm glossing over (The intricacies of Jake and Parker's dynamic, the reasons why Parker left, basically everything about Basil and June, literally Basil has an entire friend group that has their own mini-plot that's not at all connected to this and doesn't get mentioned, Crimson is going to be more relevant once I figure out what I want to do with her, ect), but uh. That's the very long gist of it.

If anyone actually, genuinely reads through all of this. Thank you, apologies, and I love you

[oxventurequotes]

Hi, me again. I was the one that asked the favourite Oxventure series question. Feel free to just call me J (I may be popping back in and out again to ask questions anonymously (anon because just that extra layer of privacy while still being active, y'know?)).

This time around I just wanted to ask, if you had to pick one adventure from each of the series that you would consider your favourite, what would it be? (Don't have to answer for Deadlands since that ain't complete yet) Because see for me, it'd probably be Plandemonium from D&D (just loved the utter chaos of planning that went on it that episode), YASP for One-Shot Wonder (again, utter chaos), Dead Man's Worth for Deadlands (twists and turns and Andy's smug face) and The Astor Gambit for BitD (1. Johnny is reason enough. 2. The Wonderful Mechanical Man was there).

hi j!!! you have excellent taste in episodes!!! sorry it’s taken me a while to get around to replying to this, i just moved back into my uni flat so life has been busyyyyyy

as per tradition – the short answer will be up here and the wall of text/explaining under the cut 😊 d&d: heist society and a fishmas carol bitd: first flight of the sparrowhawk osw: dread deadlands: dead man's worth part i

heist society was the first ep of oxventure i ever watched (completely by accident lmao, i was so confused) so it holds a lot of nostalgia for me but i also think it’s one of the stronger episodes of early oxventure? i mean it has everything. red room full of blood. sexy minion outfits. I’VE RUN THE LABS. tinnies. what’s chess? fucking effervescent. everyone seems to have settled into roleplaying and d&d and i love a whodunnit mystery and there’s literally never a dull moment in that episode. a fishmas carol is also a close fave – the adventure pit, SHUT YOUR FILTHY MOUTH CORAZON!, cthuludad, alfred strangetide my beloved, egbert seeing the ninja turtle, IRON! but then again its so hard to pick favourites, especially with oxventure because the thing is about oxboxtra and johnny is that it's kinda impossible to put them in a room together and the outcome not be fucking hilarious. dine hard, also brilliant. ship happens. unreal estate. SECT APPEAL! basically every time i think of my fave i remember a different episode and change my mind.

sparrowhawk is my fave blades episode because it brought us The Aeronaughty Boys aka the best named group in oxventure history. but also because i think kasimir and barnaby/mike and johnny bounce off of each other so well? it’s classically opposites attract and so funny to watch hardened criminal kas be Astounded by barnaby’s scheming. and because i love the way johnny has a very proud expression on their face any time they watch luke dm, it’s so sweet. i also love a crimsnight carol because oh my god the capellenaga family and their snakey snakey hair (did we ever find out if lilith’s dad had snake body hair?) but also starting the adventure with the name evan “the geezer” screws was such a fucking power move and set the silly tone of the whole ep perfectly. also baby edvard my beloved. all iterations of edvard my beloved. andy was given so much space in which to play and play in it he did. other faves of mine are the astor gambit, murder at volisport academy (edvard's reaction to lilith's snake hair is so sweet), AND THE LAMPBLACK WEDDING HOW COULD I FORGET!? jane and ellen are such an underrated combo.

as for one shot wonder, admittedly i haven’t watched enough to really pass comment, as mentioned in the previous ask i struggle with new content/formats/guests and i desperately wish i didn’t. my mind just gets very fixed on something it likes The Way It Is and any change to that is immediately so very difficult to settle in to. autism things. but from what i have watched, the dread episode is fan-fucking-tastic. i wish we’d had time to get more into killian’s character because there was some foreshadowing that didn’t have a chance to go anywhere, madison (as all of ellen’s characters are) was immediately so intriguing, i refuse to believe that brad’s name isn’t actually gregg and, once again, when luke westaway gets his sticky gm paws on a game, you know it’s gonna be good.

deadlands is shaping up to be great, i love love LOVE. the accents and the aesthetic and the vibe of the weird west, it’s such a perfect game for andy to dm and as far as the episodes go, dead man’s worth part one is my favourite. the ending oh my GOD the ending. the first real pc death in oxventure! it’s such a tonal shift from what we’ve previously been given where situations have been perilous but never truly deadly. i was sobbing buckets because 1) somehow in less than two episodes johnny had made nate so very endearing and 2) it was such a tonal shift. andy’s shit-eating grin too oh my god. and luke and jane’s faces.

so again, it’s another essay from me going “i love this but i also love this and this and this”, it’s just so hard to choose favourites because, as i said before, i think it’s impossible for an oxventure to not be incredible. the chemistry between everyone just makes everything they touch turn to ttrpg gold. it’s literally the reason that i started this blog? i kept spamming my best friend with “oh my god _ just said-“ and whilst they welcomed/even encouraged that, consistently spamming them with a lot of d&d shit with no context (and then the subsequent context in a five minute voice note) wasn’t very conducive to me keeping my nearest and dearest near and dear and getting all the brainrot out somewhere. hence my personal corner of tumblr dot com. it’s all my favourite moments, every bit that makes me have to pause and take a stim break bc laughter isn’t enough, every silly line or tongue-in-cheek joke that just makes me incredibly happy. they’re all my favourites!

ty for the ask and apologies for the essay/vague ass answer! i love talking abt oxventure and sometimes i feel like if i don’t i may go a little mad :3

[theygender]

2023 Tumblr Top 10

1. 104,722 notes - Mar 1 2023

2. 88,448 notes - Jan 30 2023

Anyone else feel like things have been Very recently? Like it's all just getting a little Too for me

3. 39,294 notes - Nov 6 2023

In the club saying shit like "frankly" and "in all honesty"

4. 33,427 notes - Jul 6 2023

If you ever find yourself thinking "oh it's only ██:00, I still have plenty of time before this turns into sleep deprivation" that is the devil speaking. Go to bed NOW before it’s too late

5. 2,403 notes - Jan 24 2023

Nona is the most character ever. She's been alive for 6 months but her body is 19 years old and her soul is 10,002 years old and her soul’s original body is 4.6 billion years old. She’s existed long enough to know everything but she hasn’t been alive long enough to understand it. She knows every human language but she just learned to talk last month and she still can’t read or write. She knows humans better than they know themselves but she’s still figuring out the being human part. She’s unfathomably old and incredibly young all at once. Her birthday is in five days and she wants you to be there

6. 874 notes - May 21 2023

TLT fans: did you guys know about the real Wake? I hadn’t heard about her until we covered World War II in my world civ class this semester

Nancy Grace Augusta Wake (1912-2011) was a covert operative who was at the top of the Nazi’s most wanted list in WW2, nicknamed “The White Mouse” for her ability to repeatedly evade capture. She was born in New Zealand with Māori heritage, grew up in Australia, and joined the Resistance after traveling to Europe and witnessing the harsh treatment of Jews in Vienna by the Nazis

...

7. 692 notes - Feb 22 2023

Thinking about the way that John Gaius went from being an avid anti-capitalist, environmentalist, and humanist; the only person left in existence who may have been able to keep Earth and all of her children alive through the coming apocalypse and had the drive to keep working on saving the world even when it seemed hopeless, no matter what obstacles were thrown his way… To becoming not only the person who pulled the trigger to personally kill the Earth and everyone left on it, but also becoming the god-king of a colonialist murdering empire of his own making, killing every planet that crosses his path? I’m chewing through my power cable and it’s gonna make me short circuit

8. 368 notes - Jun 6 2023

I accidentally set the time limit to 24 hours on the last one so it's time for round 2 

How tall are you?

...

9. 248 notes - Aug 9 2023

10. 153 notes - Mar 7 2023

Certified autism moment. I finally got through all the training modules in my new job and got to move on to the FUN part of messing around with excel. I’ve spent the last 7 hours coding excel sheets and I am over the fucking moon happy about it. This is like the equivalent of playing in a sandbox for me

Created by TumblrTop10

[horrorsequel]

i really don't get that sensitive abt friends teasing me abt stuff so then it really bugs me when i genuinely DO get upset that ppl are making jokes abt whatever thiing i'm autistically obsessed with at the moment cos i'm like. reasonably i know we r just having a laugh but any time i get really into something and i get that immense sense of autism joy from it i'm like this is so cringe this is so annoying and if i talk abt it at all i desrve to be hunted for sport so then if i do get up the courage to mention the thing even if it's just in answer to a direct question and then i get made fun of i do get fucked up over it for a minute but it's so like i'm not even upset witht he person for saying the thing i'm just upset with myself for enjoying something so like it's literally something i just have to get over on my own cos it all circles back around to guilt and shame and general dislike of self but like do u know what i mean. like i can take so much worse abt other things so then the fact that THAT'S what shuts me down is like. god how weak are u dumbass.

i mean today i did better with it than usual cos i did like. go oh man. oh that got to me. (even tho i didn't address THAT in the best way but i'm trying so hartd to grow as a person i swwear i will get better) and then i went back to engaging with Thing a bit so like. maybe i will function sort of like a human adult by the time i'm 40. i think that gives me. a good stretch of time to learn how not to hate myself for having any emotion at all ever for any reason. cos like i'm a fucking human being we're always having emotions and if we can't even love ourselves during the GOOD ones then waht the fuck are we doing

[malusienki]

la traviata rant /pos

SKIP IF YOU DONT WANNA READ A VERY LONG AND PASSIONATE RAMBLE ABOUT LA TRAVIATA (spoilers i guess..?)

image: lisette oropesa as violetta and alek shrader as alfredo in the philadelphia opera’s 2015 production of la traviata :)

————————————————————————

ok ok ok i fucking LOVE la traviata, it’s a huge… comfort..??? i guess??? it’s the first opera i ever went to go see in person (IT WAS A DRESS REHEARSAL TOO LIKE!!!???) and it holds a place in my heart cuz i’m so familiar w the story yadda yadda

but oh my god. the amount of times i’ve went down RABBIT HOLES just analyzing violetta as a character and the whole plot in general is more than i can count on both hands.

not only that, but the second i got my hands on the novel it was based off (lady of the camellias by alexandre dumas, 100% recommend btw) i read that whole thing within like six hours during the school day because i was just so enamored.

listen it could be the autism talking but it is a MASTERPIECE. both the book and the opera are AMAZING and i don’t CARE that it’s a bit of a cliche love story romance i LOVE it so MUCH and i will DIE on this hill.

sempre libera is such a classic piece but i get JOY FROM LISTENING TO IT!!!!!! it’s how i found lisette oropesa (my absolute favorite opera singer ever to grace this earth) (the video where liu jianwei joined her when the tenor didn’t) but i love how she’s written to say “oh!” and “oh amore!” as she hears alfredo singing outside the window only to immediately snap out of it and be like “NO!!!!!!!!!! (maybe.)”

i don’t know what it’s technically called cuz i’m rlly not that good with aria/duet/recit/etc names but the like.. one phrase in the duet with giorgio germont where violetta is pleading his father to not separate them always gets me because its such an emotional moment. the part i’m referencing is the “Ah, il supplizio è sì spietato, che a morir preferirò” at the very end of her part which prompts giorgio to respond with “i know it’s a large sacrifice but please just hear me out girl”

addio, del passato never fails to make me want to bawl my goddamn eyes out because it grabs my heart and tears it apart . she just. wants to live. she wants to live for alfredo. and when he DOES ultimately return she’s hit in the face with the cold, hard and awful truth— that alfredo returning would not save her. WHICH, IN THE BOOK, HE NEVER RETURNS TO HER. SHE DIES ALONE. ALONE. READING THE PARTS WHERE IT WAS HER WRITING TO ALFREDO LEGITIMATELY MADE ME TEAR UP AT LUNCH BECAUSE IT WAS SO SAD AND YOU COULD SENSE THE DESPERATION OOZING OFF THE PAGES.

breathes in… breathes out. i promise im normal guys

image: lisette oropesa as violetta and daniel mobbsas as the baron in the same production as before :)

[imissanthonybourdain]

top 5 pieces of vampire media!

oh god oh fuck autism beam

5. vampire academy but only from a worldbuilding perspective. i really love the rich interweaving of vampire folklore and mythos that went into the series especially with the undertones of class dynamics which imo is pretty cool for a YA series to undertake. i do think they’re not great narratively and are probably actively harmful given the 17 year old protag’s love interest being um 24 and also her teacher

4. what we do in the shadows :) silly time in my enclosure

3. dracula specifically because it’s such a cornerstone to modern vampire literature. like obviously carmilla/the vampyre were the first pieces of anglophone vampire fiction but no one has really . read them, at least in my experience academically. my supervisor hadn’t read carmilla until like a year ago and he’s one of the most well read people i’ve met - but he had read dracula, and my thesis advisor knows the most about dracula, and hardly anyone knows anything about the others. and just personally it isn’t my fav but it holds such a special place in my heart

2. carmilla kind of sucks but it’s never left my brain neverrrrrr i can’t ever stop thinking about the dialogue or the how this could have been such a perfect piece of longform fiction

1. the vampire chronicles - stop help i can’t articulate this well. ummm. my favorite thing about tvc is that anne rice didn’t need to cut the vampirism with humanity except when it was through the eyes of the vampires themselves. like louis is the it girl because he’s soooo human and every vampire wants to hit that because they think it’s sexy and different and delicious the way a human would view vampirism. if that makes sense. and even with devil’s minion that’s supposed to be a character defining thing for ARMAND, not daniel really, because in tvc vampirism is the assumed base of morality/feeling/art/relationships etc. like. hi :)

i am extremely EXTREMELY picky about what vampire media i consume and i always have been - i’ve never seen the vampire diaries or true blood or whatever and i was only into twilight in elementary and middle school … the moment my mom passed the anne rice torch to me it was game over for everything else lol but i suppose an honorable mention should go to hemlock grove for largely the same reasons as vampire academy however i think vampire academy just cared a little more about history :P

[justfor2am]

hi im sharing todays food adventures bc i fucked up massively ..so i was trying to decide whether i wanted to try to cook a chicken breast (i have never done this before) or if i wanted to make a grilled cheese (i have done this before) n i asked my best friend n they said "both" .well

i was struggling w the chicken from the very beginning bc they were frozen n i didn't want to try to thaw them all out n i didn't even know if that was a thing i needed to do so i just kinda put some oil on a pan n then chose one (it was thick this was my first mistake) n tried to start cooking it

i spent. 45 minutes. trying to cook it. i even tried ripping it apart with my tongs. i managed to cook a grilled cheese in that same amount of time and completely burnt one side but the other side was perfect and it was the best goddamn grilled cheese ive ever had let alone made.

im like 60% sure part of the chicken was undercooked and due to TWO different mental fucked things (double whammy went so long thinking it was just the autism but NOOOO of COURSE not) i struggle with eating a ton of things and was terrified to eat any undercooked chicken so i just kinda. ripped it apart w my fingers n ate it in tiny lil strips 😭 i didnt even eat all of it bc the moment it looked too smooth or was any color other than like bright white like even SLIGHTLY a different shade i was like "oh clearly this isn't cooked" n wouldnt touch any more of that one bit

chicken is weird as hell and i dont like it. also i regret having like five cookies while making all of that too bc now i feel very full like i didn't even feel this full yesterday n i ate like .fries half a pizza 10 chicken nuggets n a donut i THINK thats it.... also two monsters n a chocolate milk why could my body handle that but it can't handle THIS

the grilled cheese fuckin slapped tho. genuinely the best grilled cheese ive ever had and half of it was burnt how did this happen

anyways back 2 watching pokemon videos 4 me .this is all ive been doing for like over a week i barely watch anything else just pokemon on youtube hopefully u enjoyed the fuckups of my food today unfortunately no kickflips occured this time

oh god........ the face i made reading "i didn't want to thaw them out"...... dude......

did you not have a microwave to defrost it in? there's a button for that

i'm glad ur grilled cheese was good but like PLS do not get salmonella raw chicken is so unswag

pokemon time!!! also there's a new mumbo jumbo video out today btw

[troglobite]

shitty prof i had in grad school who clearly hated me for being queer and disabled like from the jump (she hated me before i even met her--i spoke w the guy who ended up being my adviser on the phone, and he said he enthusiastically showed my application to her, so i think she hated me from that moment)

anyway

she told me abt the production y'all are gushing abt on here

the one of midsummer night's dream where titania and oberon switch narrative places. makes it queer and fun and interesting.

she told me abt that

and then said

"but what does that matter if the ppl watching it haven't read the original and don't know that it's been switched"

and at the time i'm sitting there like oh an interesting question

now i'm here on the other side like

oh it matters bc either ppl walk away thinking that the queerness was explicit in the original and then have an interesting journey ahead of them finding out that it wasn't in that way, but might've been in another way--

or they just see a play they really like and get to see some fun queerness, and understand the words in the play differently, through the lens and themes that the director and dramaturg wanted them to see it through.

like there is no way in which someone who hasn't read the original is at a loss for having only seen a swapped or queered production of shakespeare without context.

like just say you're a bigot and go, you fucking shithead.

god i fucking hate her.

i don't spend energy on it but i just saw another gif set from this thing and i got thinking abt it again.

also she said that she saw a bunch of teenage girls who went to see the taming of the shrew, she assumed bc of 10 things i hate about you, and she was like, yikes i wonder what they thought after seeing how violent and awful it was

and i'm like

okay again why do you hate teenage girls

why do you think they were stupid and clueless, that they hadn't read ANYTHING abt the production (often there are WARNINGS for violence and effects included in the production--god knows there was when i saw julius caesar)

why do you pity them

and like are you implicitly saying we shouldn't fucking adapt from older works to make fun new things that strip away the parts that aren't helpful to the story, or that don't fit in our modern context??? like what are you saying?

the taming of the shrew is one of shakespeare's early plays and yeah it feels kind of irredeemable. it's not v good. the language isn't as advanced, the plot and characters are like genuinely fucked up. and i read it w my adviser, but we didn't get to spend a whole lot of time on it--and i'd actually really relish the opportunity to do so.

i'd like to more fully explore the misogyny within it. given the v much not misogynistic takes and themes in shakespeare's later plays, i'd like to explore that more. why/how does he change? is there something still subversive in this deeply fucked up, not v masterful, work? (like the way that i think 'as you like it' is a satire of the comedic form at the time, &it was one of the last comedies he ever wrote) or is it an example of him finding his voice and establishing his career by writing what was popular and expected at the time? OR did he genuinely think this shit was funny and cool? can we ever know? does it matter as much as what we do w it now and what it can teach us abt this time and place in history?

and like you can't tell me that a modern production of it doesn't do the same thing, and that those "poor stupid teenage girls" didn't also walk away with a different understanding.

and also, why does it matter if ppl come away from a shakespeare play w the "wrong" impression of it or him?

my autism brain is barking like a dog on a chain at ppl having Incorrect Information and Impressions, but that's me. i can also just let it lie, let it be, and it's fine.

bc genuinely, what is the harm???

idfk man

i really hate her.

i had a woman in my cohort who was selected as her TA (even though i asked for the position 🙃 it was all remote at that time so i could've 🙃) who came to me and was like

okay i'm not a shakespeare person (THIS WAS FOR A SHAKESPEARE CLASS--I ASKED TO BE THE TA FOR THIS--SHE DID NOT CHOOSE ME okay i'm done) can you help me argue against some shit that she's saying in class bc it seems super shitty?

and i was like yep don't mind me

so i gave her tons of resources and info and interpretations of the texts.

for some reason, in ALLLLLLLL of the text of hamlet, his LONGEST play, this woman (the prof) was focused on ONE LINE. in which hamlet, in a fit of angst and depression and grief, says that he would rather be the mutines in the bilboes, or makes a reference or slavery or some such shit.

and she was OBSESSED with it, and somehow came out the other side saying that the instance referenced here "wasn't that bad" or something.

and it's like. no. bro. he is literally saying, emotionally, that he feels as bad as mutines in the bilboes or enslaved ppl on a ship and like--THAT is what you need to unpack. not that he says "oh they're better off than me" bc they had like tiny lil freedoms given to them. but that they were treated reprehensibly, and in a fit of emotional torment this literal prince compares himself to him. in a theatrical and poetic sense, yeah, you're trying to drive a point home--but why not unpack THAT CHOICE??? i mean. whatever.

anyway so this poor woman in my cohort--a woman of color whose focus in her phd was examining, iirc, immigrant narratives & orientalism in like 19th c. lit? or something? something like that--had to cope w this fucking horrid woman for the whole semester, using what i had given her to help educate students BETTER.

it's just a genuine mess and i am still upset abt it. not as viscerally as i was two years ago when it happened. i'm not shaking w fury rn. which i was at the time.

i'm just still thinking abt it bc something reminded me, and it's one of those things that you just feel the need to Talk About sometimes. and no one really likes me talking abt shakespeare [stares at unmasking autism and shifts in discomfort] so i'm just doing it here. bc i'm thinking abt it and i'm tired and recovering from a REALLY bad flareup of whatever autoimmune thing i have. it's still kind of lingering, but it is getting better, i think.

[raikaren]

My story about Loneliness

I think its time to share my story. People in this story are not on Tumbrl, but I still change their names.

Okay, so first thing is that I´m on autism spectrum. Making friends is really difficult for me. Story begins when I gratuated in 2012 and started to look for a job. I wanted to move out of my hometown, closer to Capital. After few months I got a job offer, wait where is it? Google helped, between two big cities and 3 hour drive to Capital? Alright, lets go! So, I packed my things and my parents on a moving truck and off we went, literally Into the Unknown, I had never even visited that city. First months were easy and fun, getting to know my new hometown and most important, trying to make friends. After a few months I changed to different section at work, closed area. There were few older workers and 5 other workers, my aged, all five were friends with each other, also outside work. Perfect, I try to be friends with them! And oh boy, did I try. Long. I had no idea where elsewhere would I find friends and I was too embarrased to admit to my co-workers that I had no friends. I tried for one year. Second. Third. Still no social life outside of work. Thank god I knew an internet friend 60 km away who also introduced me to Tumbrl (Hi Emppu!), I honestly dont know how I would have survived without her.

On 2016 I decited fuck it, if I dont get friends in here, I try to find a boyfriend. I joined Tinder and thats where I met Johathan. We didnt match, but instead we became friends. YES! FINALLY! My first friend! Later that summer I found two other friends, Jack and Hannah. And then I started to catch feelings for Jonathan. Fuuuuck. I didnt have courage to tell how I felt, because he was too important for me and I didnt want to ruin our friendship.

Then, on 2017, after living in here for 5 years I decited to celebrate a little bit and hosted “Rai 5 years in City”-coffee party. I invited almost all I knew from work (all women) and Hannah. I invited 10 people on total, on monday two people were coming. Two, Hannah and former co-worker. On wendesday they both cancelled. No guests, no party. I havent hosted any party ever since.

And here comes really personal, embarrasing thing about Jonathan. We went to movies a lot and we watched tv series together. But he farted. A lot. Not with sounds though, but every time while watching something a half-way through a slight smell of fart started to come from his side. Every. Time. I was like “ew it stinks- Naah hes handsome, hairy and awesome company, whatever.” But at some point I have to mention about this. Then he suggested we should have a Lord of the Rings Extended Edition Marathon once. Holy hell, yes, lets go, but NOW I have to mention to him about his little problem, but HOW. How can I talk about something this personal? I mentioned about it to him via WhatsApp and he promised we would try to do something about it.

And then came the fateful day in 2020. At this point its important to say, that every time I get embarrased or nervous theres two choices: Either comes “the word vomit” or I completely freeze. So, he comes over, we watch almost last episode of Witcher season one and after watching he asks me about his problem and then it happens. Then I get really nervous and say The Bad Thing, really bad thing. After saying it happened two things. I realized how awful I said and I saw the hurt look in his face and then comes the total opposite. I completely freeze over. I can still joke and talk, but inside im completely stuck, I cant apologize to him at that moment. After he left I was horrified, I need to apologize him, not via Whatsapp, this is way too big thing to just text him like “im sorry”. I need to apologize to him face to face. Three days later I go to my  hometown for summer holiday. Last day of holiday I check on facebook and...

“Jonathan is in a Relationship with Miriam.”

Oh. Okay. Keep it cool Rai, keep it cool. Now we relax and give those two their personal time and space, I ask him to come over later on the summer/fall. I gave them space, I texted Jonathan maybe once a week. I also unfollowed him on Insta. On halloween I finally texted him and asked him to come over, I needed to talk to him about something. Oh hes busy, okay, I wait. Week later I text again. Two weeks later again. For 6 months I tried to get him to come to my place so I could properly apologize that awful thing I said. On march, still no answer. I talked with my mom about it and she thought that maybe Miriam is one of those jealous girlfriends who dont like that their boyfriend has girls as friends. Finally I has to apologize to him via Whatsapp. No response. Nothing. Three months, complete silence. I still dont know what he thinks of stupid thing I said or my apology. Then, summer 2021 I see him tagging Miriam on a post and I think, fuck it, lets see how she looks like..

Our cleaner lady from work. My closet neighbor. The one I see at work every single day, thats her. Holy Shit. I havent talked to her, she still has no idea at work who I am. 

Also on 2021 Jack and Hannah both got work from nearby city 60 km away so they moved there. Great. So its me by myself now.

I know. “Friendships dont fall on distances”. But heres a catch. Hannah is friends with Miriam. Yeah. So that sucks. Im horrified she will  tell Miriam who I am, that would made my workdays hell. Also about Jack. He has tried to hit me up atleast 6 times, I´ve turned him down all on those times. He is not my type of guy and this sounds really rude, but in my eyes hes ugly. Great friend and company, but ugly. 

On september 2021 I give up. I delete Jonathan from facebook friends and stop texting him. Im done. I´ve tried to be in contact, God I´ve tried. I haven´t been in much contact with Jack or Hannah either, Jack just broke up with her girlfriend and Im sure he´ll try to ask me on a date once again. About Hannah, we still send whatsapp messages and so on. 

So yeah. I got friends for 4 years and I lost them. Well, “lost”, Im still in contact with Hannah but still. But in here I still have no-one. “Why dont I move away” because I love my job and this town. I frigging love it. But about this loneliness part, I dont know what to do. im out of energy, im empty. I have no strenght to find new friends and I have very little energy to keep on touch with Jack and Hannah. 

[genoc1d3r]

my turn to cry - thoughts on 3-1b

ok this has actually gotta be my favorite chapter cause holy shit so much stuff happened.

I played the Alice/kanna route and afterwards I watched a vod with the reko/shin route in which ranmaru and naomichi died before the banquet, so BIG SPOILER WARNING FOR BOTH ROUTES

Mafia Princess Sara??: Ok so first off, back in the beginning of 2020, I had a theory that Sara was a mafia heiress and that the death game was supposed to be something to “prepare” her. And that her memories were wiped or she was initially supposed to be kept blind to this whole thing (In 3-1a when everybody saw the consent form for the very first time everybody felt a sense of deja vu, except for Sara. Because why would they need her consent when she is the sole focus of the game and it’s all for her) This theory was mainly supplied by my confusion surrounding the hiring of Kai, cause why would mr Chidouin hire a former assassin to protect her?? How did he even know Kai??? But yeah, the whole thing with Shinobu Gokujo and deciding a new don through a death game just adds a lil more validity to this theory.

Sara’s real father: I also had a mini theory that Gashu Satou was her real father, but that was mostly cause of their hair color and how it would def make Sara’s hair color make more sense genetics-wise (but kai has black hair, so its most likely that his mother had black hair, which would also disprove this mini-theory but yk im not here to prove it just talk about it). And that Gashu knew of Mr. Chidouin and gave Sara to him, and it would also explain why mr Chidouin chose Kai of all people to look after her and why Kai could only watch her from a distance, in case she realized the truth that he was her brother/half-brother or something. 

GREENBLINGS CANON AAAAAAAA: I love this, I love this so much oh my god. Now I can replay and cry after 2-2 cause nankidai hates us :’). I dont have an issue with this specifically, I’m just a bit bothered by how the whole thing went. There was some buildup yea, and the cg with kanna, kugie, and shin was amazing. And that lil bit about nice hallucinations made me tear up a bit. But, then everybody kinda just moved on? and idk this whole chapter was a fuckign roller coaster I could barely keep up.

Autistic Gin <3: I’m autistic myself and I have seen many characters who are autistic-coded or exhibit many signs of autism but have never been straight up confirmed (Ex: Vera Misham from Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney). And even then, these characters usually share similar personality traits like being aloof and reserved. So it’s nice to see that Gin is representing autism in a relatively realistic manner with his hyperfixations, vocal tics, and issues with socializing. Even after nearly dying like 17 times he’s still doing well and I genuinely wish for his survival and happiness.

Ranmaru’s death: Both of Ranmaru’s deaths, (if you or if you don’t fail the electricity absorption minigame) the death feels so... off? I was really attached to him as a character, yet his death didn’t impact as much as Joe’s or Nao’s did. During his Banquet death, one second he had his really cute smiling sprite but then whoops oh no guys weird drill screw thing kills him (again). I still can barely comprehend it because it all just happened so fast. Like no cg or anything. I was honestly kinda disappointed. The “delayed” one does a better job at his death scene, but again, it was wayyy too quick and completely dismissed as everybody just moves on to defeat Maple 2.0. I at least would’ve appreciated a better transition than Midori just saying “well anyways–”

 Ranmaru’s extremely quick descent into madness in the shin route: I actually liked this idea of Ranmaru willing to go to such extremes for Sara. However, theres barely time for any of this to develop? Like again, everything just happens so fast??? I would've definitely liked if there were little hints around before the body discovery that ranmaru was gonna do something like this, just a little time for development would really be cool.

Mr. Policeman/Mr. Tazuna???: After I finished, I actually looked on the wiki to see if it said anything about his son that he mentioned and I found this: 

But yeah thats cool

The thing about Q-taro: I’m gonna say it now, I’ve liked Q-taro ever since the aftermath of 1-2, and Q-taro haters have added absolutely nothing to this fandom. Everybody saw him as a child-hater, I see him as a guy who’ll do anything to survive and succeed. I mean that wish is kinda what got him into the death game. And yeah he did try to leave that one time, but that’s what getting thrown into traumatic killing games does for you, most people don’t want to die, they want to live, no matter what it takes. We can’t all be the main character and choose to cooperate with everybody and be the “good” person in that situation. Even Sara has those extremely selfish moments and those intrusive thoughts of winning and leaving. 

This whole thing should also be applied to Ranmaru. Ranmaru has gone through so much shit in such a brief amount of time, to the point where he was considering to/actually kill people to escape with the one person he trusted in this hellhole. In that situation, Sara’s kinda at fault here, cause without Joe she’s lost her sense of morality which resulted in her becoming selfish and well... honestly kinda toxic. This emotional manipulation is really what set Ranmaru off, however it was 100% his decision to fucking kill somebody and murder’s bad. Still love him though.

But back to Qtaro, I really enjoyed the extra substance given to him in this chapter, it’s nice to see the development from being selfish to feeling deep remorse to protecting the dolls of the first trial victims, most notably Mai. As he completely forgives her for stabbing him. The chapter did a great job at fueling my already intense love for Q-taro (and it actually convinced my best friend who claims to hate Q-taro with every bone of her body to like him too!) I also love the father-son dynamic between him and Gin. I find this relationship to be really important cause Gin’s father is an abusive alcoholic and Q-taro’s an orphan who’s never had a proper role-model in his life. So it’s beautiful that despite not having anybody there for him when he was younger he can still be a good figure for another child.

Predictions/hopes for the next part: 

I just want to see whether Shin already knew about Kanna being his sister, and if he doesn’t I want a reveal. Right. Now.

A Ranmaru/Joe/Q-taro/Kai/ “Hinako” revival, p l e a se  they died so soon

More info about the people involved in the Hades Incident/Shinobu Gokujo

More info regarding Meister

Sara going on Maury

Who tf is “Hinako”????

I really hope that there isn't any specific good/bad ending. Like I want every ending to be equally bad and good yk? like equal consequences and good stuff.

Yo wtf happened to Sara’s mom?? Is she gonna come back and play a more important role in the story?? Are her parents gonna come back as floor masters???

I want things to actually change  depending on whether you picked Alice or reko, cause so far they’ve played extremely minor roles.

[angelhummel]

what would you do with the characters you don't like if you had power over glee? would you completely get rid of them, replace them or rewrite them to be something different?

I mean the mean part of me wants to say I would just scrap Brittany completely bc she didn't amount to anything in the end asjdfhlfsk BUT if I'm trying to be creative then no, that's too easy. With Brittany, there are two ways I could play it

1) She actually is quite clever but puts on the typical ditzy cheerleader act for funsies. To make sure Quinn knows she isn't a blonde rival threat lol. To mess with guys who think they can take advantage of her. Mostly for her own amusement, to see the looks on people's faces whenever she says something "dumb". But she drops the act midway thru s2 (when they quit the cheerios) and we get to see her for who she really is. Sharp and blunt at the same time, with a sardonic and dry wit that sometimes goes over people's heads. But she's dropped the dumbass act to be a lil smart ass

"How do you know my dim-witted inexperience isn't merely a subtle form of manipulation used to lower people's expectations thereby enhancing my ability to effectively maneuver within any given situation?"

2) She is kind of a ditz but she actually has the emotional intelligence that people claim she has. But the good "Go back in there and be there for Kurt", "family is a place where everyone loves you no matter what" kind, not the "you have to actually eat the chocolate bar or it will melt and look like you have poop in your hand". Basically Brittany talking about poop or toilets or anything in that same vein is strictly forbidden. She's not great in school, makes C's and D's in her main classes. But has creative electives like art, photography, creative writing, etc and does amazingly in those classes. She has her own unique way of looking at things and offers her own unique wisdom to help put things in perspective from time to time

Either way, she is never a complete fucking bonehead turned math genius bc that is fucking awful. And maybe you could even add in the actual autism angle bc like. Doesn't understand social cues, takes things too literally, etc. And either way she would graduate in s3 and get out of my face. So that's what I'd do with Brittany

Finn is easier but also harder bc this is such a gargantuan task and deviation from canon but. Have him actually be more like the person we're told he is. You TELL me he is this amazing uniter of cliques, kind hearted, perfect blend of a jock and show choir god, ushering the school into a new age of togetherness. You SHOW me he is a lil bitch who runs away from the club at the slightest difficulty, drops slurs and outs people on the reg, wants to be the leader without putting in the work, and is kind of a ball hog who actually sucks at football and isn't that great a singer. What's not clicking

Obviously Finn doesn't have to be perfect. He can have issues and uncertainties. But holy shit maybe have one issue once or twice. Doing this same bullshit half a dozen times and never learning a lesson makes me hate him!!!! Idk man just make him less of a fucking asshole

And don't fucking act like he ascended to sainthood when he died. I'm sorry but that bullshit about like "Finn wanted Sam in the club bc he was looking for someone to take over his legacy when he was gone" like shut the fuck up that actually sounds insane. Don't fucking do that. Finn is just a dude. Just make him be a kind of chill and cool dude with his heart in the right place but he slips up and makes mistakes bc he's still human. He doesn't use slurs or out anyone. He isn't constantly beating people up. He doesn't attack a sex worker, thanks. Maybe don't make him a serial cheater either, that would be nice

As for Sebastian, yeah, no, you can scrap him completely. He isn't interesting or fun and it actually drives me insane that he's the fifth most popular character on ao3. You can have your own preferences, you can like a little rich bitch bratty bad boy villain wannabe. But knowing that that many people are so far up his butt makes me wanna scream lol

Shelby, I would change her plotline by having her end up in jail. That would be a nice arc for her character

Will, I would change him by having him be a decent teacher. Broke: himbo Finn. Woke: himbo Will. He's kind and tries his best but he is shockingly dumb. Doesn't realize his wife isn't really pregnant for like five months?? The pieces are there. He sometimes lets himself be bulldozed in his own classroom but when other students talk, he listens. Takes their suggestions, actually shines a light on everyone, helps them improve and lets everyone have their moment in the spotlight. In the end everyone loves him and when he wins teacher of the year, it doesn't feel like a hollow bullshit contrivance

Sue. Either make her drop the villain shtick by about s3, or get rid of her entirely. Talk about going around in circles. I really think she was the worst of it. It got sooo old and boring and it was the same thing for six seasons. So have her be an ally to the club come s3, after her sister's funeral bc that makes sense. Or just write her off. Idc how

Don't ever let Rory set fucking foot on this show. Sorry to the actor but that character was partially responsible for why s3 went down the fucking shitter. He was terrible, and having to write plots about being Irish made early s3 a fucking joke

Oh and I would magically make it so that the viewers of the show have some common fucking sense. And if a character is being racist or a bigot or just a general cunt, there wouldn't be 2395890 compilation videos on youtube praising them for being brutally honest or sassy or hilarious or what have you. :) You know, if I had THAT kind of power

So yeah those are my thoughts. Took me a while to answer but I appreciate the ask!

[transsexualhamlet]

alright it’s time for as requested part two of rowan reads the original sherlock holmes and compares it to yuumori

i finished a study in scarlet and holy shit was yuumori accurate to it

obviously they changed the case so that... well, moriarty was involved, and they didn’t go into detail on why drebber was an a-grade piece of shit (lol i wasn’t expecting the mormons but it was a great perspective actually doyle went big brain time on that one lmao) 

Hmmm i mean the other main difference is that Watson Is Gayer In The Original but yeah obviously that’s for a reason and the reason is william james moriarty

I have some highlights of “oh my god I need to see yuumori sherlock do this right now because he Absolutely Would” and they’re WILD

So yuh here are your Sherlock Moments

-when watson asks stamford why he might not want to board with sherlock bestie went “he’s a little queer” and watson was basically like “i like that in a man :)” like i am Fully Aware that’s not what queer meant back then but it’s FUNNY alright

-stamford is also like “yeah i mean he’s the kind of guy who would probably perform human experiments on his friends without telling them”

-watson walks into sherlock’s lab like hello new roommate :) and the dude immediately starts SCREAMING

-he’s all I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT LOOK and fucking stabs himself and drips the blood in a container, yeah yeah it makes a reaction and he’s like I AM GOING TO SOLVE ALL CRIMES EVER ACTUALLY wait who are you

-SHERLOCK THEN PROCEEDS TO SEAL UP THE CUT WITH P L A S T E R AND THEN HANDLE POISONOUS CHEMICALS WITH HIS BARE, INJURED HANDS

-watson moves in with this dude and is like “oh wow im really interested in this guy but im Polite so i cannot ask him anything” so he starts snooping around trying to figure out what sherlock does for a living?????? like he couldn’t just fucking ask???? and he’s like wow he has these clients and he kicks me out of the house every time they come over i Really Don’t Want To Think He’s Fucking Them

-obviously, and to watson’s embarassment, he wasn’t. sherlock is a virgin and it is very clear

-watson describes sherlock in the most homoerotic way possible i don’t even know how to describe it bestie goes on about his hands for a full paragraph it’s really gay man

-WATSON IS SO POLITE ABOUT IT ITS ACTUALLY HILARIOUS ISTG HES LIKE I AM KIND OF SERIOUSLY OBSESSED WITH THIS DUDE BUT I COULDN’T POSSIBLY JUST ASK HIM ANYTHING OR LIKE TRY TO GET CLOSER TO HIM I WILL SIMPLY WRITE LISTS ABOUT HIM AND DIAGNOSE HIM WITH AUTISM

-he’s also like “i don’t know i really think hes on drugs i would say he’s on drugs but also he’s like this all the time and he might just be mentally ill” lo and behold it was both

-SHERLOCK GOES TO BED AT TEN PM AND GETS UP AT 4 AM EVERY DAY WITHOUT FAIL

-m o t h e r f u c k e r  d o e s  n o t  k n o w  w h a t  t h e  s o l a r  s y s t e m  i s

-and when asked why he doesn’t know! he’s like my dear watson! i simply cannot be bothered! my brain is filled up with more important things! 

-watson compares him to some fictional detective that edgar allan poe made up and sherlock is like HIM OH MY GOD DO NOT COMPARE ME TO THAT MOTHERFUCKER I AM BETTER THAN THAT

-it’s honestly really cute watson apparently will sit and listen to him play the violin and like request pieces and stuff and yeah sherlock can play those fine

-but most of the time if he picks it up on his own sherlock will just start plucking it with his fucking hands while slouching in a chair and sitting like L Death Note and playing random notes that Vibe 

-watson HATES it

-watson once picks up this paper sherlock has lying around about yknow. deduction and all that and how you find things out and watson is like “this is Bullshit who wrote this what the fuck this is the most unrealistic thing i’ve ever read” and then sherlock is like I Wrote It Shawty and watson is like. um. oh haha i take back everything

-MAN I JUST GOTTA POINT OUT I AM A TEENAGE BOY AND I COULD NOT STAY SERIOUS WHEN DOYLE THOUGHT “EJACULATED” WAS A GOOD WORD TO PUT IN PLACE OF SAID

-lol he was like “ahahahhaa my deductions” and watson was like “but How Did You Do It” and he’s like “I WANT TO LOOK COOL WATSON DONT MAKE ME RUIN IT BY EXPLAINING”

-GHHHHHHHHHH BESTIES when sherlock was Infodumping to watson About Crimes watson was like “oh my god that’s so cool bestie!” like Once and watson described it like “i was complimenting him like he was a girl and i called him beautiful and he blushed” LIKE DUDE THATS GAY

-that one time sherlock yelled “THE PLOT THICKENS” and lestrade was like “i t  w a s  t h i c k  e n o u g h  a l r e a d y”

-dude thinks he’s wrong ONCE and has a mental breakdown in front of the entirety of scotland yard before like five seconds later realizing that he was not, in fact, wrong

I’d say that the main difference between him and yuumori sherlock is that og sherlock has a massive fucking ego and yuumori sherlock is very loud but has no ego at all. Og sherlock will brag about how smart he is to anyone who will fucking listen. Yuumori sherlock will only boast abt his intelligence around Moriarty because he knows they’re both mindfucking

Other than that... I honestly cannot come up with significant differences between them. You can really tell how similar they are especially with the sign of mary episode- dude was just like >:((((( the entire day because watson has a fiance and then he walks in on a dead body and goes now hERES SOME FUN

He’s very accurately and enthusiastically portrayed, as far as I can tell, and I think that’s really epic. I love him. I might kin og sherlock too guys ngl

[lovely-necromancy]

A Cure for Insomnia CH.5

A scream shocks you out of your fuzzy thoughts. You look around and notice Connor sitting alert and looking like he wants to run down the hallway this very instant.

“Connor?” the head snaps to you immediately and before you can even question his presence in your home he jumps up and barks then walks in circles near the door.

Great a dog who has no sense of horror movie tropes. Since the scream did come from inside your house you should go find the person who made it and see what's wrong. Also maybe get clarification on why they're in your home. You aren't dead and are still in the same clothes so you figure you're alright around them. You follow Connor to where Toby is, in your kitchen staring out the window standing at a very odd angle. Like he caught himself before he fell backwards but hadn't bothered to get up.

“What's up....oh.” is all you can say as you see Chonk's head whip towards you and Connor before he books it for the tree line. Damn that fat raccoon can run fast, good to know if he ever wants to chase you down in the future. Which he might if you don't leave his slice of pizza out today.

“'oh' 'oh', that's all yo-you've got to say about a giant fuck-ing ra-mrrow- raccoon!?!” maybe thinking this guy was composed and unphased was a misconception, if seeing Chonk has put his world views in question.

“I mean he probably just eats a lot of pizza.” to put it simply you never gave much thought to the fat little trash thief, he was just fat and he existed. Visiting your home for the slice he deemed his every other week. Probably had other homes in Kepler he terrorized for the same reasons. God knows Leo would never put up with a raccoon trashing his store for his pizza. Or even his home for that matter.

“He's nearly half the size of Connor!” looking down towards Connor you tilt your head.

“Are we talking about with his legs or just his torso?” you could maybe see the size comparison with the dog's body but with his height it was a different matter all together.

Toby rolls his eyes before going and sitting down at the small breakfast table where he seemed to have found your fidget cube and had been well fidgeting with it. You take the seat opposite of him, it's weird having a guest over especially when you didn't invite them in. Well now that removes the chances of him being a vampire you suppose.

Perfect not a kidnapper, nor a vampire, and he's helped you out twice now. The two of you might well be on your way to becoming best friends. That is if he could get past this episode of yours.

“I still don't know what happened last night, but I'm done with the freak out.” you say as you idly pet Connor.

“...What?” he's squinting at you trying to get a read on how anyone bounces back from something like that so calmly in a matter of hours. Especially when he'd been checking up on you and Connor only to see you still staring off into space.

“Oh, uh... I have Autism. Isn't good for much but helps me rationalize events quicker and move past emotional and mental breakdowns pretty quick too.”

“Is that an Autism thing?” you shrug at his question as he jerks his shoulders forwards a few times.

“Probably more of a me thing, but I've read the trait tends to be more common in those of us who are neurodivergent.”

You hear a murmur of telling someone later later. Filing that away to take note of another day you stare at Toby who in turn stares back. This goes on for a bit, you couldn't even classify it as a staring contest since you are both still blinking occasionally. You aren't really sure if you should say 'thank you' first and then ask the man what he's doing in your home or wait for him to break the silence. But as you stare at Toby, into his eyes, you get the feeling this man is more of a zombie than anything else. The type to drag along and go at a snails pace rather than get into the messy bits in one go...ironic choice for comparison.

“Thank you for driving me home...but why are you still here?” you hear a huff of laughter?

“You weren't really in a position...” knuckles pop “to be left alone. What if you got back into your car again?” his eyes cut and there's a bit of bite to his words...it wasn't directed towards you, you can feel that much.

“Fair enough.” you glance at the stove and see the clock shine a little before six. “Would you like some breakfast” his neck snaps to the left triggering your own to snap as well, “or a ride home?” you finish asking.

“Can you make something for Connor too? Don't trust you behind the wheel yet.”

“Oh sure! What does he normally eat?” Perking up at the thought of the dog being off duty, that means actual pets!

“He-mrrow- normally gets oatmeal with some fruit or veg and anything raw I can find.” He finishes with a whistle for Connor's attention, and then a pointed finger flipping down in front of him. The dog trots over and sits down, while Toby takes off the vest you look through your cupboards to find the rolled oats you'd gotten as incentive to eat in the mornings before realizing you only liked them on certain days.

“So what does Tobias normally eat?” you call out as you look for some honey you know you threw in the cupboards.

“Anything really. I don't do slimy textures or anything watery.”

“Watery? Like soups?” Found a can of pumpkin, it's still in date too, perfect.

“Watery like...when you put too much water in oatmeal.” He nods when you silently show him the can of pumpkin asking if that'd be fine for his boy, who is sitting down drooling from his smiling face as Toby tussles his ears.

“Ahhh, thin watery got it.” You hear movement and a few grunts from Toby as you assume he tics, trying to ignore them so they won't trigger your own you look through the fridge. You suddenly take a deep breath, while looking for a meat in your fridge, and let out a shrill trill. Kinda sounds like a Togepi's cry from the cartoon. Shaking your head your eyes catch the eggs and turkey sausages you have.

“Will turkey sausage and eggs work for you two?”

“Never had turkey sausage but it should be fine.” he's leaning forward resting his head in his arms on the table as Connor lays by his bouncing feet.

You set the eye to medium heat and put the sausages on first, leaving three out for Connor. He is a big dog after all. You turned your focus on preparing Connor's oatmeal while the sausages cooked. It was kinda nice having company over even though the circumstances weren't the best. Your neck jerks to the side three times before pulling back. There's more on the way your neck didn't crack and your body doesn't let up until it does.

“So what disorder do you have?” You turn to give Toby a confused look you hope he can read through your mask.

“...I have a few..you want the list?”

“No, the tics. Lower level Tourettes or what?”

“Oh, they stem from my” head jerking twice to the side before cracking “there we go.” “Sorry, they stem from my Autism, at least that's the best I can gather without seeing a specialist. Virginia doctors suck big time.”

“Tell me about it.” that perks you right up, you knew you caught a transatlantic accent, it's pretty much the lack of an accent that gives Virginians away so easily. You already have two guesses on where Toby came from.

“I knew it, you're from Halifax aren't you?!” Since you've turned around to face him you see the exact moment his face drops. Eyes shocked wide open.

“How...did”

“Oh it's easy once you know what to listen for, in fact it was the total lack of any distinguishing accent or use of slang that gave you a way. A lot of people don't notice what they take from their communities linguistically speaking. And for us Virginians it's what we don't take. It's such a bland neutral midpoint it's why it had been so coveted during the radio era and while we might've lost the in-fluctuations as time went by, no longer needing them for our voices to be heard over various frequencies....am I talking too much you can tell me to shut up, really you won't hurt my feelings.” you give Toby a minute to process everything you've just said.

“Special interest?”

“mmm, more a...an interesting factoid.” you hope he registers your smile, hell you hope he doesn't think you're weird. You know how much you can be sometimes, especially when you info dump or overshare information. He manages to nod along with you before finding his voice again.

“Lemme guess NOVA?”

“Pfft, seriously.” you really need him to at least register the disgust on your face if he hasn't been able to read you before, “Listen the Beach isn't much better but I'd probably off myself if I was from NOVA.”

“A public service really.”

You both stare at each other before breaking into a fit of laughter. It's nothing huge but it does seem to put Toby more at ease you noticed. In the time it took you to make breakfast for all three of you you've found out a little bit more about Toby.

He's uncomfortable talking about his hometown, at least you assume, so instead he mentions that he recently came to town with his friends, Brian and Tim. Talks mostly about Connor and you learn he's to help alert Toby of his Tourettes when driving and he can even detect seizures with Brian. That's amazing, service dogs have sure come a long way! And you love hearing what a silly puppy Connor is off duty, it makes you smile. Toby in turn asks about you, and you are such a well of stories. You tell him about your family back on the coast, about your recent move to Kepler, give him a little info on Kepler to help him adjust to his stay, and even get on the topic of your extensive work with animals.

“Sounds like you were working towards being a trainer, why didn't you?”

Making a sound that sort of sounds like a jumbled 'I dunno', “Sort of don't like people that much. Dogs are fine, less complex and less likely to complain when you do something in a different way. But a trainer doesn't train the dog, they train the people.” You're placing Connor's food in front of him as he sits patiently.

It's quiet for a moment as you place a plate in front of Toby and set yours down as well. Not tense just quiet, it's very calming really. Until Toby ruins it.

“Thanks Connor.”

Like he's a voice actor who is over exaggerating the sound effects of a dog munching away at their bowl. Connor inhales harshly before diving head first into the bowl. The dog is ferociously tearing into his breakfast and you can't help the laughter that spills from you at his enthusiasm. Hands coming up near your face and shaking as you shift from foot to foot. It's a happy stim, cute dogs are of course a trigger, someone can complain later you're happy to see a happy excited pup any day.

Taking your seat and turning your attention to your food, you see Toby hasn't touched his own. He's staring at the plate with a furrowed brow, he glances up to you as you remove your mask. You feel a bit vulnerable to be honest.

“Oh is something wrong? Do you want something else?”  He's a guest who's helped you twice now the least you can do is make sure he leaves your home full.

It takes a moment but he gathers his thoughts to explain, “I have a scar...it's pretty bad.” he looks away from you.

You tilt your head not quiet understanding what he means, “Cool story, do you want me to look away?”

He stalls at this, you just keep throwing him for a loop since you met the other day. While he thinks on it you scoop some of your eggs on your spoon and into your mouth. Perfect texture and prefect flavor, today will be good.

Toby seems to have made his decision and without any show he takes his mask off to begin eating. You can see the scar he was talking about, and while the currently red and bleeding'?!' scar on the left corner of his mouth was bad it wasn't much compared to the gaping hole further up that side on his cheek. You can clearly see the even whiter, how this boy is so pale is beyond you, skin around the edges suggesting the wound was older and had started to heal at some point. But you could see most of the teeth on the left side of his mouth. You've never seen these teeth while they were still in the head. A skull or 3D model yea. But never a living breathing person's head. It's fascinating really, you hadn't even noticed that you finished your breakfast as you watched him eat, you were so enthralled.

“You know your lip's bleeding right?” eyes never leaving the boy's teeth as you see them grind down the eggs into the tiniest particles. Neat!

“Rwhatf?” the way he can talk with his mouth full without spilling it from the hole is fucking magic and you won't hear another word on it.

He takes a drink of water, again it doesn't spill. Then you notice the slight tilt of his head...oh he's had practice doing this. Impressive honestly.

“That's what you choose to comment on?” his eyes narrow at you're still gawking form.

“I'm sorry I've just never seen those type of teeth still in head, normally muscle and...and skin cover them. So this is really cool to see them in action!” gosh you're so damn weird. By his stupefied expression Toby seems to think so too.

“Plus the wound looks healed but the lips look fresh,” you get up and grab a few paper towels bringing them over to offer to Toby, “Not to mention it's bleeding and you haven't once wiped it.”

He doesn't reply as he takes the napkins from you and dabs at his scarred lip, looking back and seeing blood just as you said. He was right when he thought he'd been biting himself a few hours ago. He'd totally forgotten to check after getting you home.

“Well I don't feel it so I didn't know actually.” he just resumes eating as if this conversation didn't happen.

“Didn't, didn't, didn't” you get stuck in a loop for a bit before breaking out “you didn't feel it? What do you have congenital insensitivity to pain?” you ask incredulously.

“I haven't heard it called that since I got diagnosed.” still eating he looks at you through his long eyelashes.

This dude could not be a real person. You had to have been imagining your dream friend. Everything you learned about Toby was more interesting than the last...at least for you it was.

“Medical history podcasts are interesting.” you shrug, “should I get the first aid kit?” at his shrug you get up and go to your bathroom to retrieve the kit.

Coming back into the kitchen you catch Toby lowering your plates for Connor to lick clean. You don't see a problem with it but you will wash everything twice since the pup has slobbered on nearly everything anyway. When you don't say anything he lets Connor continue before placing the dishes in your sink.

“Such a big help” you say patting Connor's head as you pass him, “Yea I really am” Toby says as he sits back down. Propping his arm up on the table to rest his head on his knuckles, it was such a fluid and casual motion. As if he's sat at this table everyday of his life, like this was his home and you were his guest. Tied in with how comfy he is man spreading at your kitchen table you'd say he made himself at home just fine.

You smile and scoot your chair next to him first aid kit in between you on the table. Toby looks between you and the kit before leaning in closer for you to work. Grabbing the antiseptic cleaning towels you go to wipe Toby's lip when he flinches away. Probably faking to see your reaction.

“Oh, fuck off you have CIPA.” you laugh grabbing his chin to keep him in place. He rolls his eyes “And you're weird.” The vibrations feel weird against your fingers.

“I know.” you continue cleaning the small bite mark? Well he does have CIPA he wouldn't be able to feel the pain if he was gnawing at his lips. Would he be able to taste the metallic tang of his blood or were taste buds effected by the disorder too? You might need to do another deep dive on this, it just became relevant. Maybe an anxious tic, judging from the larger wound it could be possible. Wearing a mask must help to hide it but not not to stop it getting worse if no one can call you out on it.

“That wasn't an insult...” he says making you look up into his eyes as you dry the wound, “I know.” You smile down at him, knowing this time he can see it on your maskless face.

When you finished cleaning his wounded lips, you drove Toby and Connor back to their home. Which turned out to be the RV at the forgotten entrance of the forest. Toby had been a little wary you knew where he was talking about but seemed to shake it off just as quick when you mentioned hiking a lot and using that entrance because it was the closest to you.

He had put Connor's vest back on and hopped in the back with him. You noticed from the review that Connor's full attention was on you.

“This set up let's him focus on the driver, so he'll tell us if something will impede your driving.” Well that explains Brian's position the first time you four met.

Nodding you sync you phone with the car's bluetooth and pass it to Toby with spotify open.

“Rules of the road, passenger picks music.” you say simply when he questioned it.

He quickly clicked your last playlist. Probably either too lazy to find something or trying to get a better read on you. Music says a lot about a person even if not everyone thinks that way. And unfortunately for you this playlist screams mental illness and a need for therapy. But you have folk punk. So who needs therapy when you can just scream cry these lyrics.

Toby doesn't comment on it, either just totally apathetic or maybe he likes it. He's a bit of an enigma, he's open and honest for the most part but saves his opinions unless directly asked.

Even after making it to the RV without incident Toby tries to distract you for a bit and tempt you out of the car with the possibility of playing with Connor. As fun as the idea sounds and as much as you don't want to be rude, you're very tired and drained. Probably more from “hanging out” with Toby this morning than your actual episode last night. Plus you understand Toby's just trying to be nice and maybe ensure your safety.

“Could I maybe rain-check? I'm actually really tired.” you say with your most polite smile, though he can't see it through the mask  you know he sees the crinkle of your eyes.

“Sure, just get home safe.” you feel that's less about you, but you aren't sure what the hanging subject is. So cryptic.

“Yup,” you chirp, “See you later Tobias!” as you start to back out back onto the road you hear Toby say “ Later YN.”

Driving off you can't keep the smile off of your face. Toby's a nice guy, you hope you get to spend more time with him. And this time the thought isn't centered around also hanging out with Connor. Just about enjoying Toby's company.

Getting home and locking your door you strip your jeans and flannel, leaving you only in your muscle tee, and curl up in your unkempt sheets. You'll do laundry later, right now was time for a little nap.

[sunwisecircle]

Hwaet

The other day I was feeling kind of poorly because I kept seeing all these posts about feeling drawn to this or that deity, or the Theoi ‘showing up’ in people’s lives. (Or: how I realized Dionysos is encouraging my unterwürfiges ass to be assertive, a post)

I don’t know as I ever felt ‘drawn’ to Dionysos. I had a fascination with Mercury when I was in middle school, part of my twisty-turny religious history, which I now equate to Hermes having always been around in one form or another. I read mythology a lot as a kid -- my father had a copy of Bullfinch that I carried around in my backpack for ages and I was obsessed with the Roman Empire for part of elementary school, and I had learned that the Greek and Roman gods were the same so while I know differently now, I look at the Mercury/Hermes thing in the context of that background. I thought the mythology was cool. I referenced Bacchus on a regular basis as a certified wine aunt. But Dionysos didn’t just show up in my life when I decided I wanted to worship. Hermes didn’t just show up.

It made me feel bad, and I wondered if I was doing something wrong because the Theoi didn’t and haven’t ever come to me. I’ve never had a dream in which they reveal themselves to me. I’ve never had a moment of ‘oh, this deity is calling to me’ or ‘that deity is interested in working with me’. I never even followed the advice I saw of doing research before introducing yourself to a deity, doing the introduction, then asking their permission to worship them & waiting for their assent before doing so -- and if they say no, then that’s that (that last will never not be confusing to me they are deities they are literally there to be worshipped why do I need to ask their permission to do so but go off I guess???).

But the more I thought about it, the more it only makes sense. Of course the Theoi didn’t ‘show up’ in my life. Of course they didn’t show interest in me, or send me dreams, or whatever. Given the course of my life, that would not have made sense.

When I was 19 I left my parents’ house because I wasn’t going to let them dictate my future when I had to pay for everything. I made the choice. When I was twenty-one and my ex (may he rot) left me, I made the choice never to put my life on hold for anyone ever again. I chose my university. I chose my major. I made a 13-year plan to reach a set of goals (two more years on that and I only have three more goals to reach, two of which I am currently in the middle of, so looks like I’m right on track). I moved to another country by myself with €900, two suitcases, and a backpack when I was 25 to make a life for myself. I made choice after choice, and didn’t wait for anyone to give me permission to live my life how I wanted to. I’m not even the type of person that waited for other people to make the first move. If I had a crush on someone, I’d walk up to them and tell them as much. (I literally once walked up to a guy I liked and told him he should ask me out for coffee).

How would it make any sense for the gods to come to me instead of the other way around. When I got sick of worshipping a god who hated me, I decided on Dionysos. I walked up and said ‘Hi. I like you. We should be friends.’ and that was that. Once I learned more, I’ll admit to having had fear of approaching the other Theoi the same way because I’d seen so much about them coming to people instead of the other way around, and I was afraid the first time I prayed to Hermes before travelling because I didn’t know him and he hadn’t made himself known to me yet and what if it was rude and and and. After that first time... I’m still fearful, of course, but I think that’s more owing to my upbringing and religious trauma than anything else. I don’t wait for the Theoi to come into my life. Dionysos didn’t show up; Hermes didn’t show up. I showed up to them. I walked up to Apollon and gave him my term paper about Old English poetry, and bought him some orange-coloured candles. I told Hermes this next term paper about late Latin language change is for him (Hey, I am making this thing and I want to give it to you as a gift). My thesis -- the topic of which I still don’t know -- is for Dionysos. He knows this. I told him as much. I gave Hestia my lava lamp since I turn it on every evening before I say my prayers and turn it off when I go to sleep. I went to The Trees and poured a general round of libations for the Twelve Above, Those Below, and Anyone Who Wishes to Partake.

None of which is to say that I’m particularly assertive, because the gods above and below know I am not. I have certainly been manipulated into doing things I didn’t want to do, and ended up in situations that were bad for me because I am the world’s most submissive submissive. It may be the autism. Or the authoritarian upbringing. Maybe both. Probably both.

My beloved lord Dionysos knows this about me, which I think is part of the reason that he has never been anything but gentle with me. Even when he gave me directions to do something, he never got angry with me when I was scared to do so. Right after I announced to him that we should be friends, he was on me to get rid of a toxic relationship in my life and I pushed it off for weeks because that would require me to be forceful. The prodding I got. The poking. The ‘Hon. Come on. You know you need to’. So I did. I’d wanted to for years, but he helped me find the courage to do so.

He’s always been very much about consent. Do I want something. Am I sure I want to worship him. Do I know my goals. What do i want out of a relationship with him.

Then lately when I ask him questions I’ve been getting ‘maybe’ cards. Almost like he’s saying ‘What do you think?’. (Which isn’t to say that he doesn’t give me straight answers about important things. He’ll point me in a direction if I need it. If I ask him about an offering and he’s not a fan, he’ll give me a definitive no; or if I’m doing poorly and just need reassurance he’ll definitely give it to me.) (Ffs he is so good to me fakjlafdskjlöadfsjköfas I can’t.) I usually ask him if he has time to chat with me before doing a tarot reading. Once he said no, but I really needed to talk to him so I told him as much. He then said yes. I said thank you and told him I love him after. I told him once that I wanted his advice on something, and when he gave me a ‘well, what do you think?’ I told him I know what I think, but that he’s my god and the giver of good counsel and I wanted his input before I did anything. He gave it to me. I told him thank you, that I love him, and took his advice in consideration.

And then it hit me. I am not used to asking for what I want. I am not used to giving my opinion. I am not used to setting boundaries, or saying no. And this absolute amazing deity, a literal fucking god, is out here getting me to practice with him. It’s like he looked at me and said ‘You remember how you just came up to me one day? That energy? I like that. Let’s keep that, shall we?’.

Make goals. What do you want. Think about it. Dream big. What do you want. What do you want. What do you want.

Oh.

Okay.

What do I want?

[beizhuo]

alright folks , i made this post last night about amending my carrd rules . & now , after calming somewhat down from getting sick to my stomach about it , i must now make one final update post about this to make people really & fully understand where i stand . why ? because i am , once again , having / needing to finely comb through the people i want to follow & interact with due to some very , VERY toxic behavior & terrible , childish individuals that think its real cute to stalk , harrass , steal , & gatekeep folks . 

understand that i will NOT be namedropping anybody in this post . this is not my intention . i am not out here to isolate folks or make people ‘ chose sides ’ . making people do that is absolutely horrible ! i do not give a damn who other people interact with . i do , however have extreme issues with theft ( amongst other things ) . i can draw a god damn line at theft ! 

harassment ? don’t care . you’re trolling , i can ignore you . gatekeeping . you’e petty and attention seeking im here for friends anyway . but actual literal theft - i can draw a line there . please get out & OFF MY BLOG if you are so unoriginal that you haveta steal from me or my friends !

please know that you can interact with those thieves & gatekeepers , i don’t care ! but understand that i will most likely softblock you because i genuinely do not want them to find me . no hard feelings . ( they have found my other 2 blogs , and i am tired of them finding me ! especially for baizhu ! i don’t even follow some of my friends here cause of this ! ) i am not even in the genshin community to begin with . my group ? we don’t do communities for toxic behavior and people being so exclusive to the point of driving people out & away . its distasteful and mean ! do you know that i have some friends that were cut off from communities entirely all because they were a dupe ? tHAT is the kind of dupe drama i fucking hate . along with theft . anyway . i will start from the beginning of my rules that i deem important .

DUPLICATES . ( AND MIMICRY / THEFT )

the irony that this is the first point . it is like it was a wonderful transition . anyway . this is actually having to deal with two rule points . and i want to group them together cause they are related .

myself & a few other people have come to find out that .... there is somebody AT THE VERY LEAST taking inspo from us . i will start with dupes .

my friend has a character and was WHOLLY mistaken for another mun . which is fine . that happens , but things took a turn for the worse when they were then shunned / cut off because they werent ‘ good enough ’ . do you know how HORRIBLE that is ? to be told that you aren’t good because you weren’t the mun that they wanted ? this is the type of shit i cannot stand with dupe drama . DO NOT EVER COMPARE DUPES WITH ONE ANOTHER !!! i mean it . 

i follow different childes ! and you know what i adore them both . they are both amazing ! 

sure i may have my mains / exclusives ( and im not inclined to interact with other blogs of that same character ) but i still like portrayals . i do , in fact , just READ threads sometimes . i don’t necessarily follow for interactions . like ffs man . i like variety . jesus christ .

going to mimicry / theft . you know ... i have fucking seen this with a couple of friends . there is a difference between coincidental similarities , however ! for myself & for my friends , we have SEEN inspo taken from us . im gonna say this really loud for people .

MIMICRY IS NOT FUCKING FLATTERY . 

do not take inspo from me . especially without credit . absolutely do NOT do it . you are very unoriginal for doing that shit . 

now , you like something i make / made ? you are inspired to want to make something ? fine , that’s okay , you can ALSO fucking ask me , you can also credit me . as you fucking should ! you can notify me and go , damn , i really like your style , do you mind if i use it in xyz ? sure , go right ahead . do it . im begging you , go ahead and do it IF YOU FUCKING ASK ME . god im so fucking angry about this , but this is some vile shit . and im angry .

i am angry and terrified cause i literally cannot get away from these people cause they seem to be wherever i go . i DO NOT DO COMMUNITIES BECAUSE OF THIS .

as a good friend said : it’s like they are a virus that you cannot get rid of .

thats what happens with attention seekers unfortunately , but for the sake of my safety & health , i will not have it on my blog or dash . if i see these people on my dash often , i will unfollow .

and it isn’t like a specific person , its a GROUP of people . which leads me to my next point .

DRAMA / CALLOUTS.

imagine having beef with an individual , and then going around and gatekeeping that individual and getting people to unfollow / block them . im not talking about , ‘ hey this person is vile because they ship incest ’ . i am talking about ‘ i had a disagreement with this person & they hurt my feelings >:/ they are mean and will hurt you . etc etc etc . ’ 

i do not give a flying fuck about somebodies issues with another person . so you guys don’t get along . not my problem . i have people that hate me . i have friends where i hate their friends . shit happens . i am probably absolute scum to some people lol . i get mistaken for other people sometimes . it’s fine , hate me cause you think im that person . that person is snowflake repellent anyway , go choke on your kool aide that you are drinking ig . 

okay sorry i am angry but still . people claim and cry about wanting to talk & communicate . but then . guess what . sometimes shitty people are like , so this person said this to me , and they are mean . IF YOU ARE THE PERSON THAT GOES ‘ OH MY GOD HOW DARE THEY ’ AND BLOCK THEM THEN YOU ARE THE PROBLEM . i will give an example . of using my two names that i have .

somebody goes to amphy and says ‘omg ghost said this , and im frustrated and angry with them cause what he said was uncalled for . ’ if amphy goes ‘ omg ghost is shitty ’ and then unfollows / blocks them without any other discussion , then thats an issue cause ghost has no idea wtf happen . amphy got involved in YOUR relationship with ghost even though ghost has been nothing but kind and sweet to you . you also don’t know if amphy is just victimising or being emotional either . so why they fuck would you believe somebody who is venting to you about it and then block somebody who did literally NOTHING to you .

i dont know if i explained that correctly but i will give you something more realistic , again without namedropping .

i have a few friends that hate one another . i’ve known all of them for years . but they all , i kid you not , they ALL fucking hate each other . there’s three of them . and they cannot stand each other . i just happen to be somebody who gets along with all of them . you bet your ass that at one point , they all came to talk mad shit about the others . what did i do ? i went , oh okay . well im sorry that you have issues with them . sounds like a bad experience , but i can’t do anything about that cause i am not you and i am not them . if you are gonna change my mind , it isn’t gonna happen , sorry !

i have had people shit talk people i have no idea who they are , and i just sit here just being a source for them to vent , but i never NEVER EVER act on anything i hear . why ? cause its petty drama and gossip . if you do that , then damn , sorry kiddo , get some help on that alright ? maybe be nicer . i dunno .

now . racism ? pedophilia ? incest ? HARMFUL SHIT ? that’s different . but again , theres a lot of miscommunication . i have people coming and pulling the cards like they are hot shit  and that isn’t fucking cute . THAT ISN’T CUTE GUYS . you are the problem if you try to victimize yourself cause of something YOU misinterpreted .

i have a friend that has this on their blog .

i am literally going off on a god damn tangent . anyway . :) 

fuck you if drink kool aide .

THERE ARE OTHER MENTAL DISORDERS! YOU ARE ABLEIST IS YOU ERASE THE OTHER (UN)COMMON ONES.

i know that autism is the ‘common’ one here . you are valid okay . but guess what . ADHD , BPD, DiD, and straight up depression and anxiety are also things as well ! there are MANY folks here that are also undiagnosed as well OR they lay on some sort of spectrum as well . I am once again not going to disclose my own things here cause again THAT IS PRIVATE INFO , but fuck you if you refuse to see other disabilities .

also there are physical disabilities as well btw .

if you are not understanding of any other disability , or you wanna mute / deafen other mental disorders , YOU ARE THE FUCKING PROBLEM .

end of story . 

treat other people how you want them to treat you and don’t you dare ever shove your baggage at them . thanks . 

please be more understanding that some people are not okay:tm: . 

i implore you to get help if you need help , but sometimes some people dont have to take your shit . and they most certainly do not need to sit and take your issues if they are not okay either . its toxic and very unhealthy behavior to expect others to help you . they can help you as best as they can , but you need to understand that everybody has their moments . do not guilttrip them . do not gaslight them . 

but also understand that sometimes , people are saying things cause they genuinely need help ! you can be there for them but as a friend , you need to also tell them your own boundaries as well and tell them that they need to seek professional help .

but also , if somebody refuses to get help , then that is on them . not on you . 

anyway another tangent , but back to the point . autism , while you need to understand is something you need to see and understand , is not the only mental disorder ! and you need to understand that some people suffer from really REALLY shitty things and are sometimes undiagnosed . i am really REALLY tired of depression , ADHD , BPD, and DiD getting brushed under the rug like they are not important . cause guess what , there are spectrums ! all mental health is important . fuck you if you disregard the other disorders , you are being ableist .

STOP HATE READING PEOPLE.

im really sick and tired of this . you don’t like something somebody said ? you can either : ask what they meant or block / unfollow them . 

DO NOT FUCKING STALK THEM EITHER . 

you have an obsession if you hover on their blog too .. do not do that . that is SO unhealthy for you . here is what a friend said on twitter . ( not name dropping them , just copy pasting them )

❛ i stg people need to fine a better hobby than to hate read a persons blog or profile. not a good look on you when you go and read what they post about just to get angry at something you think they said and then you go off spewing lies about it cause 'youre offended.'  

like you already hate them in the first place. you weren’t 'looking to see if they were a better person.' youre just looking to find another thing to hate about them. 

that is what hate reading is about. so you can read their posts and find just another reason to hate and laugh at how bad you think they are.

but it doesnt make you a better person. it just makes you a sad person with no life. stop hate reading people. grow tf up. go breathe on some plants or something idk.

i say this very loud and clear . if you hate read me , i live in your head rent free . not my problem . but it does become my problem if you begin to steal shit and start spewing lies about myself or my friends . grow up and move on with your life . sorry my life seems more interesting than you ig . idk .

anway this got long , and at this point i am going off on a tangent but !!!!

TL ; DR

read my rules ig . idk .

you can dm me for more info if you want . at this point i have blocked the problem blogs for myself. if you are curious you can ask . HOWEVER. i am not going to tell you to block or unfollow . why ? cause at the end of the day , it is MY beef . this are my issues . i am NOT here to gatekeep .

i will say that i will tell you IN private the for MY story . but keep in mind that it is MY story . not yours . not theirs . it is all about perception .

my perception is that they are scummy gatekeeping thieves . they gatekeep the people they dont like or are intimidated by . i am somebody who fucking bites and calls people out on their shit , because of this ? i make enemies . but my enemies are not yours . i dont care .  dont give a damn . i am intimidating to people who are cowards and i don’t care . 

if they feel bad when i call them out , if they try to go around and do damage control , then that means they are guilty .

and then you can ask yourself this : why are they reacting like that ?

i am once again going to bring up that other twitter user that i quoted before .

❛  you dont like hearing that because someone is holding a mirror up to you and it makes you uncomfortable because you know you . and you know the parts of you that are good . so in your heart you have to come up with a narrative that makes you feel better about the fact that somebody is asking your to confront the parts about yourself that you hate the most .

anyway . this got long . im so sorry for the long read . im so sorry i sounded hostile ad angry . im just volatile sometimes . im just really tired . and i dont need to come on this blog and have a panic attack . 

anyway . cheers loves ! stay happy , stay healthy . drink your fluids . take your meds !

[ckret2]

Okay so I got an ask like,

anonymous asked: whose ur favorite Hazbin character? Like your absolute #1 and why?

and technically my answer is Alastor, but Sir Pent is such a close second that I gave my reasons for him too in that ask, and now I’m making a second post about Alastor.

Reasons I really like Alastor but like, only slightly more than Sir Pent:

- Honestly “I can suck ya dick” *IMMEDIATE BRAIN BREAK FACE* is probably the moment I, like, mentally latched on to Alastor’s character, and at that point I don’t think I even knew yet that the creator had said he was ace. It just... I could feel the aceness in my soul. Like that thing where Jedi run into somebody and go “oh you’re strong in the Force, I can tell.” That was just such a perfect and succinct ace joke, and by that I mean like it feels like a joke from an ace perspective. Like it was so relatable.

- tbh half my reasons for liking Alastor are “oh that’s relatable,” which is hilarious, because like... I don’t like characters because I relate to them, ever, but because I think they’re interesting in their strange/different ways. Alastor is the sole exception I can think of where half the reasons I like him is because I look at him and go “oh big mood.” Other ace or aro characters I’ve seen in the past just make me go “oh... okay. cool. nice, representation for me” and then I don’t really care about them. Alastor, though, the SECOND I learned he was ace, something in my brain went “FUCK YES. ONE OF OURS.” I immediately sat down and started writing a character study fic about Alastor being ace/aro in the exact same precise way that I’m ace/aro, and that was even before we got confirmation that he was aro. I was ready to go all in on him anyway.

- Half the reason I like his ace/aro-ness when I don’t care about it as much on other characters is because like... usually, when you get an ace/aro character, it goes one of two ways:

1) their entire character is built around/“in tune with” their ace/aro-ness, in a way. Most obvious when you have the stereotypical “robot/alien that cannot love,” but also seen in “character that is naive and pure and innocent and lustless,” “character that acts like an actual literal child,” “character that acts like a bad autism cliche,” “character that’s too cold or cruel or emotionless to feel love,” etc. And that’s boring, when they’re only ace/aro because the writer cannot imagine a character Like That being any other way, or because the writer cannot imagine an ace/aro being Any Other Way. 

Or, 2) they’re written as “too normal,” as in, like, NOTHING ABOUT THEIR PERSONALITY or life experiences or anything seems shaped AT ALL by the fact that they do not share an internal sense of lust and/or romance that most of the rest of the human species not only has, but also is obsessed with.

And Alastor falls in neither camp. He’s gregarious and talkative and puts on little performances wherever he goes, and he obnoxiously butts in on somebody else’s group project by begging for an opportunity to help out and then obnoxiously volunteers his friends who hate him to help with the group project, and he’s manipulative and dangerous and secretive and violent, and he hides his emotions and he disguises when he’s feeling weak... and also the quickest way to throw him off his game is to make a sexual pass at him because he’s blindsided so hard by it that it’s like for a moment there he forgot that sex exists.

And that’s what I want to see. A character whose personality isn’t based on/tied into his ace/aro-ness, BUT we can clearly see his character IS INFLUENCED by the fact that he views the world through a completely different lens from everyone else.

I can imagine that Alastor had to puzzle through What Is Love/What Is Desire, purely on a psychological “what’s going on inside other people’s heads?” level, as an outside observer incapable of participating it and trying to understand it based on anecdotes and fictionalized accounts and descriptions and conversations, comparing it to the emotions inside his own head and trying to go “so it’s kind of like this feeling plus that one and those, but More, and Different, and in that Other Direction.” I can imagine that as a kid Alastor “decided” to have crushes because he knew it was about that time it should be starting, and it hadn’t happened by then, so maybe what he needs to do is pick whoever he thinks is best-looking and get going with the crushing on them, right? I can imagine that Alastor spent his teen years waiting for his desires to “turn on” the way they did for everyone else, and being slightly puzzled when they took so long, but also okay with it because the more he thought about it the more it seemed like it was probably a nuisance—no one around him was someone he’d like to be attracted to—so he was fine with the fact it was taking so long, and he sort of assumed that it wasn’t because he didn’t have the capacity for desire but because none of his peers were desirable to him. I can imagine that he had his first kiss at like fifteen and thought it was horrible and gagged on it, and within an hour decided this was absolutely hilarious.

I can imagine Alastor having all these experiences—which are experiences I had. I’ve never seen another ace/aro character I can easily and naturally imagine having a single experience in common with me. Because no other ace/aro characters feel to me like ace/aro characters. They’re either characters with an ace/aro sticker arbitrarily and meaninglessly slapped on them, or they’re a walking stereotype about lovelessness.

- Besides Alastor’s spectacular Asexuelle Panique™ face, the other single line that made me latch onto him was “Why does anyone do anything? Sheer! Absolute! Boredom!” There are some very specific character types that I’m an absolute sucker for, and one of them is: extremely powerful character, at the top of their game, unstoppable and uncontrollable and unmatched, a loner who likes it that way, BUT they’re bored as hell, either because they’ve met all their goals or because they don’t know how to set any—and the boredom is eating them up inside, it’s driving them slowly mad, the sheer tedium of trying to fill one day after another with nothing to do is weighing down on them, if depression is usually compared to a heavy rain then this depression is like an endless empty waiting room, or depression like solitary confinement, or depression like an unmoving sun shining on an infinite flat desert, the depression of a completely empty hollow life leveled flat by infinite interminable boredom, a boredom they would do ANYTHING to get rid of, a boredom that’s like a withdrawal, a boredom that makes your hands shake and your pulse quicken with desperate need for the drug to stave off the withdrawal symptoms, but god, you don’t even know what the drug IS, you just know you NEED it, some form of stimulation, ANY stimulation, you’re going mad in this empty desert with your hands trembling and the withdrawal clouding your mind—

Have I mentioned that I have ADHD? Did you know that untreated ADHD can result in depression specifically due to chronic mental understimulation? I keep telling myself “bruh, don’t headcanon Alastor as having ADHD, you don’t even headcanon that he has any other traits that line up with ADHD symptoms,” but like. That one line. “Sheer! Absolute! Boredom!” I felt that in my very bones. There is desperation in that man. There is desperation in him that speaks to me like nothing else does. Like to the point that if it turns out that Alastor secretly DOES have a secret evil manipulative scheme going on I’m going to be annoyed/disappointed specifically because his driving motive isn’t boredom, lmao.

Anyway I feel for characters like that. I like to explore that desperate despairing boredom. I like to force them through that understimulation withdrawal, drive them to do stupid wild desperate things to try to get the stimulation they need. And then, when I’m feeling nice, I like to help them find a cure. Usually I imagine the cure is “dude, you’re such a loner that you’ve cut yourself off from the rest of the human race, you have NO human connections, even when you’re technically interacting with other people you’re still completely emotionally isolated inside your own shell. Make some goddamn friends and start to care about other people and their lives and you’ll find that the act of having other people exist in your world who matter to you will give you that stimulation you’re desperately missing.” Because these desperately bored characters are also desperately emotionally isolated. And they might be happy/content in their isolation—but they’re not doing anything to cure their own understimulation like that.

(“Hey OP is that how you cured your understimulation?” nah I got ADHD meds.)

- Remember everything that I just said about how much I love that Alastor is aro? Well forget everything I just said. Chuck it out the window. Bye.

So every once in a while I find a character that, for whatever reason, I really, really, really want to see pining. I want them to be in love, and I want it to be unrequited, and I want it to go on for years. I want them sobbing in private and then hiding it completely when they face anyone else. I want them to hurt so bad they feel like they can’t breathe. I want them unable to think about anything but their beloved. I want it festering inside them like an infected wound. I want it to hurt. Forever.

(“Hey OP do you uh, do you ever, yknow, want them to get their loved one?” yeah sure whatever)

For some reason, Alastor is one of those characters. Why? I dunno. I haven’t figured out my mental pattern on these ones yet. Maybe it’s specifically because it’s so incongruous with his outward appearance/and attitude. Maybe it’s because he’d do a really really good job at hiding it, but also I think he’s probably kind of a mess inside under his mask, and I think adding unrequited desire under that mask would mess him up anymore in really spectacular ways. Like a china cabinet that shifted in an earthquake so that if you open all the doors all the plates will fall out and break, except they’re already all broken inside of the china cabinet, but he’s in denial about that as long as he doesn’t open the door. I dunno, I’m speculating.

- On that note: I feel like he’s probably, like, hypercompetent and super powerful and super successful on the outside, but actually he’s a sort of screwed up dork who’s got no idea what he’s doing. (I present the furby organ as supporting evidence.) I like extremely powerful deeply feared dorks, ESPECIALLY when they have no idea what they’re doing.

- Also, affable villains. Totally friendly/sociable and totally evil.

- I dig his weird radio schtick. Like, Radio Stuff isn’t a thing I specifically like about characters, but on him I think it’s cool. Character gimmicks that can go a lot of ways and that you can do a lot of stuff with in character development are fun.

I think that covers all the important bases.