#okay anyway that is all. when i was active on tumblr years ago i always got asks where people would wonder why i had so many tags

[adwox]

does anybody have any songs and/or albums they associate with X... asking for a friend

[amalthiaph]

I took an interest in The Bad Batch around the tailend of S2. It's not news to Tumblr that I almost slept on this show. And I cannot thank Caleb Dume enough for being the reason why I pressed the play button for this one. While I haven't been around for most of its active run, and I wish I had been, the last year has been among the best months of my life.

This show challenged my morals, and taught me lessons that I will forever take with me.

Tech taught me to embrace and take pride in who I am. I now think that I am not something that needs to be cured. I needed to be understood and accepted. He taught me that we deserved to be loved and be allowed to live the way we want to (as long as we are not causing harm to ourselves or to others).

Hunter taught me that at the end of the day, we're all still humans. We make mistakes. We fail. But we can learn from them, and we can strive to be better. And I should also take care of my hair bec I cannot accept that a man in a galactic war have better hair than me (Okay, did you honestly think I'm gonna be serious this entire essay?)

Crosshair taught me that at the end of the day, we really are still humans. Sometimes, we make choices that not everyone will understand or agree to. Sometimes, we don't even understand our own choices. But we can learn from them, and we can strive to be better. And that I should also go to therapy bec istg my hand shakes like hell I always need to rely on a pen stabilizer when doing my artworks.

Wrecker taught me that in this world where we can be anything, always choose to be kind. He is a great man who would always be there for everyone, and I hope that one day, I can be that person too. He is afraid of heights, but he climbs and go on high places anyway. Like him, I should also start conquering my fears. Dear Wrecker, I did try conquering my fear of heights last March 9 but I can't. I will try again.

Echo taught me to always fight for the greater good. Almost two years ago, me and a group of people campaigned for a great tomorrow. With pink flags and pink balloons, we worked on our little thing I like to call our rebellion. Sadly, we lost. At times, I am thinking of just giving up bec that's democracy and I cannot go against the people's decision, but characters like Echo and the rest of Rogue One taught me that nothing should ever stop me for fighting for the people's rights and that my love for my fellow citizens should always come first before hatred.

And lastly, Omega taught me to be curious, or more likely to not be ashamed for being curious. Learn about the world. Learn about lots of things. We never know when we need it. While I could say be good at strategy and win 30 grand on card games, nahhh, I'm not that smart.

I also learned to reevalutate myself as an artist. This show taught me integrity. I had ranted about this lately but these characters challenged me in terms of art. I knew that the creators aren't best at proper representation. While I could draw them as they are in the show, I choose to stand for what is right, and represent them as properly as my skills could. In the more technical side, I became good at drawing armors. And this little Actors AU Draw Series taught me to be responsible; I tried my very best to create and post them on time. This increased my productivity.

But enough about me.

There's something I realized two nights ago; we, the fandom, are Bad Batchers ourselves. We can consider ourselves a family, but not one of us is the same and we're all interesting, and capable in our own unique ways. We can have our own opinion and stand about something and still coexist. Like our favorite charactera, we embrace and celebrate our differences.

This show may end. No more Bad Batch Eves, no more cryptic tweets that cause us to hyperventilate, no more Bad Batch Wednesdays but it will live on, through us.

I know there will be a day where we decrease in number, one by one, little by little, but still, the show will live on through our actions, our opinions, our choices we make after May 1, 2024 because I know that all of us were changed in some ways by these characters and this show.

To the crew, your cryptic tweets caused me sleepless nights, but thank you so, so much. It is through your hardwork that we had this wonderful show. Thank you for making every second of the past year so worthwhile and enjoyable for me and for everyone.

However this show will end, whether happy or sad, I am glad it happened. However short my time was with them, I am happy I had been here. However short my time with everyone in the fandom was or if some of you leave one day, still, thank you so much for being part of my life; I am so happy I met all of you.

To Clone Force 99, thank you. I've never loved anything like this before. May the Force be with you.

[sexyandhedonistic]

Reacting to and correcting the worst Law of Assumption post on Tumblr.

Hello, my loves. For sexyandhedonistic's 2nd anniversary (Sept 1st) I thought it would be fun to revisit one of my very first posts to point and laugh at as someone who was terribly misinformed when first joining the community. I have stated on multiple occasions that I have outgrown so many of my terrible beliefs and it's always such a relief to see that I know better now. Anyway, let's get into it.

The correct way to manifest

Hi again! Today I wanted to address something that I feel I should elaborate a bit more on, partially as a disclaimer and partially as something that is crucial to remember. I know plenty of newbies in the community are rendered susceptible to what different people have to say about what to do and how to do it and it creates uncertainty, self doubt and disorientation. We all know what the law of assumption is and what it means: what you assume to be true, is. This is no exception for the ways in which you feel are best to manifest. Although I strongly endorse studying Neville Goddard's work to acquire a steady foundation of what the law is and how to work with it, you don’t need to be familiar with his teachings to manifest but I will continue to be an advocate for such. That said, here’s the secret: You create the rules

I've previously stated how I feel about "you create the rules" so I won't explain again but to recap:

It doesn't make sense!

Not only for the reasons I listed in the link above but because there is a distinction between rules and principle. People often interchange the two so to them something like "I don't need to feel the wish fulfilled" may feel like a third eye-opening revolutionary take and to think otherwise is limiting because of whatever reason but when you know the law.. it really isn't. It's silly, in fact. And you know something? I would've thought this was revolutionary two years ago. It just makes sense doesn't it? If I assume I don't need to feel then that should be okay because the law of assumption means whatever you assume must be true etc etc. (Yes I was one of those people who thought loopholing the law of assumption just made sense.) Before anyone thinks I'm bringing up a really hot new idea (I don't need to feel the wish fulfilled) let me explain why that doesn't make sense:

Feeling means to accept, so what do you mean you don't need to accept something as true for it to manifest.../?!!?? You see why something like this is quite literally nonsensical? Please, pleaseeeee read about the law of assumption from someone who doesn't film themselves speaking [hint: Neville Goddard or Edward Art] before you risk looking ignorant the way I unfortunately did when I first joined this community. I cannot tell you the amount of disappointingly misinformed posts I have come across from myself and my mutuals alike ever since that I now am able to look at and feel relieved by the fact that I know way better now.

"I strongly endorse studying Neville Goddard's work to acquire a steady foundation of what the law is and how to work with it" She's always been correct about this one I'm afraid.

"You don’t need to be familiar with his teachings to manifest" This one is right and wrong. You don't need to because manifesting isn't a Neville thing and people have manifested without knowing about the law of assumption. However, if you intend to work with the law of assumption, what is a "Neville thing", and put it into practice, then yes you do need to be familiar with his teachings. It doesn't really make sense for you to be interested in something without understanding it fully and butchering it in the process, now does it? Seriously, you guys. I cannot emphasize this enough:

Read. Source. Material.

You decide what works and how it works! Objects and activities like crystals, scripting, subliminals, affirming and persisting, commanding, 555/369, vision boards, and gratitude are not imperative in order for you to manifest. There are hundreds of people out there spreading their beliefs about the law and how to do it correctly... as if it were a fact. This is why, as I've stated previously, I strongly discourage you from getting your information off of social media or simply too many sources in general because different opinions will create confusion for you (which is why sticking to a single instructor aka Father Neville who knows what he's talking about would be a good idea). Not only that, but so many people have a tendency to share their limiting beliefs which include but are not limited to: not being able to manifest physical changes or a specific person, avoiding negative words like no don't can't in affirmations, consuming any means of media that are upsetting because they'll interfere, etc. None of these beliefs are true, but if you believe that they are then they will be. You don’t need to use SATS and you don’t need to script. At the end of the day, we are manifesting 24/7 through the story we reiterate in out heads. These methods simply serve as a bolster for those who feel more comfortable and confident using them.

"You decide what works and how it works!" sjhkdfklfkhgfdksjkkla

"Objects and activities like crystals, scripting, subliminals, affirming and persisting, commanding, 555/369, vision boards, and gratitude are not imperative in order for you to manifest. " She's not wrong, but while we're on the topic of gratitude, it's literally the wish fulfilled. I used to associate gratitude with law of attraction so I wouldn't agree with it as relevant to manifesting but the more I've thought about it, it suddenly hit me that that's literally feeling the wish fulfilled because it's acceptance. When you accept, you feel grateful, do you not? Anyway, we encourage gratitude here at sexyandhedonistic.

" You don’t need to use SATS" This isn't wrong but I love the state akin to sleep so actually it is wrong.

"At the end of the day, we are manifesting 24/7 through the story we reiterate in out heads." Right. It's called consciousness is the only reality.

People think the law has certain rules and because they believe them, it becomes a truth for them. It's up to you to decide what does and doesn't work for you! There are people who can just command their subconscious mind and do nothing else. There are people who’ve manifested a literal face swap overnight. Nevertheless, whatever method you feel works best, they all come down to the same core belief and that is KNOWING it'll work.

"People think the law has certain rules and because they believe them, it becomes a truth for them." *facepalm* Okay queen let's not mix up principles and rules. Methods are something completely independent (and optional), what matters is feeling because feeling is the secret.

On another note notice how I literally never ever ever talk about the subconscious mind anymore <3 it activates my fight-or-flight response because I remember the days when we all thought we had to "saturate" it with affirmations robotically and whatnot... All you need is imagination and faith (feeling), you guys <3. (But if you would like explanations that mention the subconscious mind I suggest checking out feeling is the secret [linked above], I would not suggest Joseph Murphy as he had some limiting beliefs such as not being able to manifest certain things).

"Whatever method you feel works best, they all come down to the same core belief and that is KNOWING it'll work" My sister in Christ, the word you are looking for is FEELING, not "knowing". They can be used interchangeably, yes, but I feel so absurd rereading my old posts and saying "(the state of) knowing" when I should've been saying feeling.

Manifesting should not feel like a chore, it should be a simple, fun and easy task to do! You do not need to lift a finger to manifest. Whatever you think it'll take to get it done, will be it. If you think you have to yell out your affirmations at the top of your lungs then that’s what it’ll take for them to work. If you think you need a crystal collection the size of east LA to manifest then start saving up or manifest them. This is the beauty about the law of assumption. You create the rules. Now that you’re understanding that you can create your own rules, have fun with it! Not only do you get to decide what works, but you also decide how well it works. Do you get subliminal results after one listen? Do you manifest in a week? Overnight? Will gratitude bring you your results quicker? Are you the best manifestor in the world and nothing can interfere with your manifestations? You literally call the shots. No matter what you pick, stick to it and KNOW it works. Good luck!

"Manifesting should not feel like a chore, it should be a simple, fun and easy task to do!" I mean yeah... I agree fully that it shouldn't feel taxing and tedious and you most definitely shouldn't treat it as a routine (ex. set alarms to affirm every hour...), it should definitely feel liberating and comforting because this is is about being that which you desire to be. In Neville's own words:

We often are deprived of our high goal by our effort to possess it. We are called upon to act on the assumption that we already are the man we would be. If we do this without effort, experiencing in imagination what we would experience in the flesh had we realized our goal, we shall find that we do, indeed, possess it. - Answered Prayer

"You do not need to lift a finger to manifest" Yeah <3 As I always say, being > doing.

"This is the beauty about the law of assumption. You create the rules... Do you get subliminal results after one listen? Do you manifest in a week? Overnight? Will gratitude bring you your results quicker? Are you the best manifestor in the world and nothing can interfere with your manifestations? You literally call the shots." Pleasee please please PLEASE be quiet.

You guys I had to put on a hazmat suit to go through this post. I think if there was such a thing as a written version of what a six day old McChicken with extra mayonnaise left out in the hot Texas summer sun would taste like... it would be this post, but at least it's over now, so to conclude:

1. You cannot tweak principle 2. Methods are not what manifest 3. FEELING is the secret 4. Read source material

I hope this post has encouraged some of you to not repeat the same mistakes or misinformation I did as well as made you reevaluate your approach towards the law of assumption. This post is not entirely horrendous but it was horrendous enough that I decided to remove it from my blog. There is way better information that has surfaced ever since and I warn you guys once again from the risks of learning about it from someone who doesn't know what they're talking about. One of the most absurd and ridiculous beliefs I used to have and got from a certain blogger on here was that "you don't need to work on your self concept to manifest".......... I do not feel like getting into why this is does not make sense at all and why every time I would see someone say "Neville didn't work on his self concept to go to Barbados!" I would simply side eye, but anyway.

Please dedicate time to really learn about the law of assumption from Neville Goddard himself or from Edward Art's Reddit posts. My understanding of the law may have evolved ever since but something that has unfortunately not changed in this community is the circulation of misinformation. It only harms you guys and will consequently incite frustration because someone told you that your thoughts manifest (not true) and suddenly you're spiraling because you think you need to be flipping all of them (you do not). I know I made multiple jokes throughout but do not take this advice lightly and do not deem this post as me saying that I'm right and everyone else is wrong. I'm advising you all as someone who's been through all of it and wants better for you. Please choose your sources wisely and please learn from my mistakes.

[leslutdepointedulac]

*crashes through your door like big bird*

🗿 give us the rundown on how you got here! which was the first vc book you ever read? what made you decide to seek out vc fandom on tumblr?

Okay, buckle up ya'll because this is a decently long story.

So I would argue it actually started waaaayy back when I was a wee child, say about 6-7ish maybe. I would see the IWTV film on TV all the time and me being obsessed with vampires, I really wanted to watch it. Idk how I knew but somehow I had the knowledge that it was a very famous vampire story with queer characters and that it was supposed to be really good, so naturally I was like "I wanna watch that!" But my parents wouldn't let me because it's an 18 and I was a child (not that this stopped me fr begging them though lmao). This happened several times throughout my childhood and each time my parents would be like "No you're too young, you can watch it when you're older."

Skip to when I was around 15 I think, and I had this friend in school whose house I went to quite often. I was round for a sleepover one time and they told me there was this film with a banging soundtrack they wanted to show me. That film was QOTD. We watched it and I thought it was pretty decent (fyi I can't stand that film now, but the soundtrack still slaps. And Akasha! Aaliyah absolutely killed it!). When I went home the next day I told my parents what I had done at my friend's house, and that we had watched QOTD and they were like "Oh, the sequal to IWTV". Now bear in mind, I'd forgotten all about IWTV by this point and then it all came back to me and I was like "Omg no way!"

However, I still didn't watch IWTV and I forgot about it all over again. Until 2 years ago. I for the life of me cannot remember how or why I suddenly remembered it at the time, but I was chilling in bed and it came to me. So I found IWTV and watched it for the first time in my life (I was 19 at this point) and lemme tell you. It was worth waiting 19 years of my life. I loved it and thought how it was insane I'd only just now seen it, but better late than never.

Then I forgot about it again lmao. Until the 3rd November 2022. I remembered (again, idk how or why) that I had heard about an IWTV TV show so I found it and watched it and I thought "huh, that was pretty good. I like this!" And so I became obsessed.

Then I decided I wanted to read the books so in December of 2022 I bought IWTV, TVL and QOTD (it's all three in one book) and I started reading the series from the very beginning. I got even more obsessed and kept buying the series until I had them all and read through the whole thing.

In February on 2023 I joined tumblr for the VC fandom, because I had seen VCblr posts on Pinterest and thought it looked fun, so naturally I joined in.

And that more or less takes us up to now really lol. I'm still here and even more obsessed than ever. My obsession is primarily on the books since I read them. I kinda moved from the show to the books but I still have a deep appreciation for the show because that's what brought me here to the fandom in the first place. (And I still love the film too.)

I also recently, in the past couple of months, made friends with a group of people here in the fandom and I'm so glad to know them and be friends with them (including you, of course @hekateinhell 💖). I've been in many fandoms before this one, but this is the first one I've been so active in and the first one I've made friends in. I love ya'll, and I love talking to you all 🥰💕💕

Anyway, it's a long story as to how I got here 😅 It's like these vampires have always been in my life in one way or another.

Sorry this was such a ramble but yeah. There's practically my whole VC life story 😂

[poohsources]

HELLO EVERYONE! as the year is slowly but surely coming to its end, and i'm now home for the holidays, i thought it was finally time to make another one of these. partially to give a little update on what's been going on in my life and partially as some sort of retrospect for this past year and a look into my plans for next year.

looking back, it's been quite an eventful year — especially when compared to the weird covid years we had to deal with previously. the biggest change was probably my dropping out of college to start a dual studies program in law. i did like my college program just fine ( until i didn't anymore ) but i really feel like law is my thing. and apparently everyone else in my circle of family and friends thinks so as well because i seem a hell of a lot happier than i did before. kinda unfortunate it took me seven years since quitting high school to figure that bit out, but hey, at least i got there in the end. it's been quite time-consuming, and i feel like in those past five months, i've already learned more than i did in all my years of college, but it's fun. i also finally got some new friends my age again. it's also strange to think back that just one year ago i was still struggling financially and just generally dealing with some bad mental health stuff.

i'm actually happy now.

in terms of tumblr and roleplaying, i gotta be honest that i have been sidelining it a lot over the last months. sure, i'm still around but it's not my primary focus, and i'm learning that it's okay not to be online all the time. it's okay to take breaks and focus on other things because as much as i love this blog, the community and tumblr, there are some more important things now. still, i am and always will be eternally grateful to every single person who supports me - whether it is by liking or reblogging posts, sending asks or messages, following me or using any of my stuff. it means so freaking much to me, and i always feel so proud whenever i randomly see my own stuff pop up on my dash because mutuals use it. thank you all so very much! in a similar vein, i honestly still cannot fathom that i almost managed to double the follower count this past year. i'm probably not gonna reach the goal i've kinda been looking at until the end of the year but that's okay. i am so incredibly grateful for everyone here anyway. no matter what.

as for next year - i'm not too sure what i'm gonna do. of course. i'm gonna keep posting memes, and templates and whatever other stuff i feel like doing, but i think my activity is gonna keep on being spotty. i'm also still tempted to do commissions one day ( and we're totally gonna ignore that i've been saying this for over a year now, okay? ) but with the amount of time i don't have, i'm not sure i'm gonna be able to deliver on that. if i do finally build the courage and self-esteem to do that, it will be like an occasional thing that might take some time. however, one thing i do wanna do more of is gifs. i'm not sure what kind of gifs, but i enjoy making them and it's been way too long since i did them so i'm gonna see how i'm gonna incorporate that. or if anyone has any specific gifs they want, always feel free to shoot me an ask or a message. maybe also some aesthetic-y stuff? after all do love making pinterest boards for characters.

maybe i'll also do a blog reveal once i finally set up my multi that i've been planning to work on for months now. since i'm gonna scrap my current main blog ( which i haven't really been active on in a while now anyway ) i'm kinda thinking of coming back to writing and who knows, maybe i'm gonna reveal it here in case anyone would like to write with me.

anyway, this was a lot of rambling, and if you've made it this far, i once again wanna thank you. i know i do this a lot but i really do appreciate you all being here so much, and even after two years of having this silly little blog, it still feels unreal to me that so many people here enjoy what i do.

much love and happy holidays, pooh 🧡

[maurypovichofficial2]

have you written the guide yet? im waiting

OKay!!!!!!!!!

I'm going to type this out one more time I did it once like 3 years ago im so mad I cannot find it but I have no one to blame but myself (mostly) because im not good at tagging and tumblr's tag search system is basically nonexistent anyway.

Okay class today we're talking about Sucking Dick, Cock, Penis, Phallus, if you will.

You should always use spit, sounds obvious right?? but you'll be surprised how many people try to make dick sucking a neat thing... it is not. Keep that mouth wet, make it drip. Don't feel weird if you got saliva everywhere all over your face all on the dick, men and people with dicks love that shit it's the seasoning of the act ok

Use your hands, experts can go handless some people prefer that you suck them with no hands. but also some people like the handjob/sucking combo it feels good. Listen to your partner if they say go slow slow it up if they say go faster speed it up

Don't neglect the balls!!! Balls matter too massage them (gently) give em a tug (gently) suck them roll them around in your mouth. It's impressive going for the balls without having to be asked because most of the time they are ignored.

There is a part on the underside of the dick called the Frenulum

it is important to massage that part with your tongue as you suck. It's basically a nerve ending and when you stimulate it it feels great to say the least. Sometimes i even take my thumb and rub it in a circular motion it's a nice little treat.

Speaking of tongue. USE IT. lick the head the whole shaft, your tongue is the star here. If you take the tip of your tongue and lick inside the piss slit??? *chef's kiss* Stick your tongue out tap the dick on your tongue or let them do it while maintaining eye contact.

Eye contact is important. look up at them as you suck. It's a form of intimacy but it's also a way to gage the person's reaction to what you're doing.

Deepthroating. Some people are naturals and they just go for it, but others who have a strong gag reflex you gotta ease into it. The key is to relax if you're not then that means your throat and gag reflex are tightened up as well and that won't work. The other thing is to breathe through your nose. Try to go down little by little see how it feels, your gag might activate but that's okay, stay down, breathe through nose, try not to pull up but if it feels uncomfortable come up, breathe, go back down. Eventually your reflex and throat will ...toughen up lol! and you'll figure out how to manipulate it so you can seemingly be gagging but it's all being controlled by you instead of involuntarily. That will then open you up to doing things like face fucking, teabagging etc.

Have fun. Perform! ya know make those gagging sounds , moan, slurp , the sound aspect of giving head is almost like a form of ASMR, the person you're sucking likes to hear those things. Do the things that you like doing on the dick. Ask them can you try something. It's supposed to be enjoyable for both parties involved.

Lips. Suckle the head with your lips. Kiss the dick the whole thing (eye contact always eye contact) kissing and suckling is your way of worshipping it.

A Note on Teeth. Don't worry about it, yes you need to watch your teeth but like....I feel like you have to be REALLY bad at doing this and have no control over your mouth to have a teeth problem where you're nicking and scraping. Your lips is a natural barrier that keeps your teeth covered. If you want...hey....practice on a popsicle I'm not against that.

Okay Class Dismissed.

[evansbby]

Hey everyone 💜 This is just something personal I thought I’d share. For no reason, really, except I felt like I wanted to and that I should. I’ve never shared this with anyone before and there’s really no purpose to this except I just wanted to write it all down. Please don’t reblog! (Not that anyone would lmao, but just saying). tw: suicide mention

A few years ago, when I was about 17/18, I was quite active on tumblr in a different fandom (not this blog, this is a sideblog that used to be empty and was one of my saved urls before I started posting on here in Feb of last year. Anyways, there was this one person whom I befriended on tumblr and we used to talk on messages like every day. And it got so unhealthy, to the point where I’d feel bad if I was online and didn’t reply to them, and felt like I always had to reply to them or else they’d get passive aggressive? I remember once I told them something along the lines of “hey! maybe it’d be okay if we… didn’t talk every day? like we’d still be friends, friends don’t have to talk every single day” and oh my gosh, they got so passive aggressive about it and made me feel so so guilty that I took it all back. I remember crying actual real tears over this, which is so crazy thinking back. Now, this person wasn’t a bad person and I wish them all the best in whatever they’re doing now and honestly don’t really have any ill feeling towards them. What I’m saying is that I was not emotional equipped or mature enough to be dealing with something like that. And then I remember another person (completely unrelated to this first person) randomly messaged me one day all like “you never speak to me, I thought we were friends!” And wrote all these paragraphs talking about how I don’t speak to them when we were never really close to begin with? And yet I let myself feel bad once more. I just did not have the emotional maturity to be creating boundaries online and all of this was a result of that. So I took a break from tumblr and I remember crying real tears and having a panic attack in the toilet and hoping these people would forgive me for taking a break. A BREAK FROM A DAMN WEBSITE. and then I came back a while later and I had my boundaries set very VERY high.

Which is still true now. Like, I never expected this blog to blow up as much as it has or the sheer volume of asks and messages I get every single day. (Not showing off but idk how else to put it). And I love it, like I love this type of interaction and I feel like this fandom is so much friendlier and healthier than any previous fandoms I’ve been in. Yet a lot of the time I still feel like an outsider, like I have this imposter syndrome. Like all these other blogs are all friends and I’m just there like 🧍🏻lmao. But I feel like that’s bc I’m still so wary bc of what I’ve been through on this website in the past. Like I’ve put up these high walls and I get anxious that a repeat of something like what happened before, will happen again. I feel like I’ve matured from that experience enough to set my boundaries so that I don’t EVER find myself in a position that I’m crying over someone being passive aggressive to me online (although I doubt that would ever happen again, I was like 18 when that happened and I was emotionally a child). And I feel like this is partly why I get overwhelmed so easily when my messages pile up that I just leave them ignored — bc i know this sounds deep and weird but I said to myself that the moment this stops being fun, I need to delete this app bc it’s not worth my mental health.

And it was only much later, when tiktok became a thing and people started sharing their experiences about how they were 12/13/14 and on tumblr trying to persuade a fully grown adult not to unalive themselves, that I realised that so many people have had similar toxic experiences on tumblr. Having grown people trauma dump on you through dm and you feel so guilty and don’t know how to cut them off and you think it’s a true friendship when really it’s not.

Idk why I’m sharing this except for the fact that I just had to write it down. And it still makes me anxious now, as much as I try to deny it. Then I have to remind myself that I’m a grown ass 23 year old now who will never have to go through experiences like that again, bc I am in charge of who I talk to. And this is why I kind of just… am so nervous about talking to people sometimes. Although tbh as I said before, this fandom has been so good to me. Like everyone is so nice and understanding of boundaries and I really love that. I’m happy to be a part of this community and I want to be everyone’s friend but I’m just so in my own head about it. Idk if I’m even making sense anymore, I just feel that a lot of the time I have to second-guess every interaction I make bc I don’t want people to hate me or take my humour the wrong way or find me annoying. Like, that’s my other biggest fear. Or rather, my default feeling: that people on here find my annoying lmao. And I’m not looking for sympathy, and I’ve said this before and y’all amazing people have reassured me that I’m not. But I’m just writing my feels down rn bc it’s kinda therapeutic idk. And idk how to end this so I guess I’ll just end it here lmao. Anyways

[peacereturnedtothevalley]

My tumblr and online life history. If you even care (it’s long and rambling I’m bored on a plane)

[pretend there is a read more button here and just keep scrolling]

I got a tumblr summer of 2011 bc my brother kept showing me #fresh memes and around that time my online activity was scrolling endlessly though canihazcheeseburger network of meme sites. I was 17 so lol 12 years…

it started with memes and fandom type gifsets (and following some irls) but after a year or so I completely entered my #sjw era and nothing a decade ago is perfect but I’m always vaguely thankful for tumblr putting me in that direction

in 2015 I got frustrated and locked myself out of my account on purpose and then could not reverse it the next day because I changed the email to an email yahoo decided to delete lol.

I made a new account soon after but exclusively for following and reblogging steven universe stuff but I ended up becoming more and more general again after a few months… I remember so much mess and drama but I also never directly talked to any of those people so it was just a one person stomach ache time

Got really into taz in my last quarter of college in the summer (monster factory a few months before) and this was what made me start a twitter in 2016… I never talked to people directly online before as much except a handful of mutuals (hi if you’re still on here) so slowly joining in that was fun! Also messy I saw all of the highs and lows of taz fandom, made and lost friends (mostly from the periphery of a group but a handful of direct breaks lol) and in that actual play space I had friends get into friends at the table… I listened to a few eps of counter/weight and could Not keep it going so when twilight mirage was starting it was a good opportunity to follow along instead of a backlog. Also finally realized I was slowly iv rating to tweeting full time rip

Also 2017 I made a few fatt friends but I was scared to talk to the fandom bc I still liked taz a lot and fatt fans you know how we are (I too am like that now) but anyways I had like 10 followers to my name and nothing to lose so I started posting more in 2018 and I have gained lifelong friends in the fandom since :’) I feel like twilight mirage was such a contentious era so I got really close with my #tmstan friends and all the stress of that time is a memory now….

I did listen to almost every season eventually but I did fall off of keeping up with fatt 2021/2022 I think (so sorry sangfielle)

unexpected side plot of my life is loona and kpop in general. I was vaguely into loona from seeing stuff on tumblr in 2018 and something clicked for me with the butterfly comeback in 2019, as in it was the first time I was watching performances on music shows and it was really cool to me and I also had no idea what was going to happen to me (the great 2019 loona hiatus) and I slowly was starting to follow kpop liking accounts outside of a handful of tumblr people I followed on twitter and unfortunately the hiatus made me check out other groups and I love the music (loved…? It’s still good when it’s good but it’s not always good) and understood too much about the minutia behind the industry but I also made more lifelong friends (I hope? Hi carbs)

Kpop era coincides with my not listening to sangfielle era but I think my attention span was shot and all I wanted to do was fill my head with music…

Wait okay I had also a career change (don’t worry about that) and also got really into final fantasy xiv. So that’s another era of my life that is neither fatt or kpop. I was gaming so much and I love my cat girl and my catboy wife. I started right before endwalker dropped and now I’m too caught up but I was solidly playing for 2 years straight. I’m playing Zelda for now but I’m almost done

Okay anyways fatt season palisade started up earlier this year and my fatt era is back in full swing. Went to a fatt friends’ wedding this april. Palisade is really good every week. And now twitter is dying so I have returned to Blog for Real. I’ll post my cohost hear if I end up there more lol

[feketeribizli]

i know you often forget to answer asks but that's okay!!! i hope you've had a good day whenever you see this. :]

you've been one of my favourite artists for Years now. like. i remember scrolling through your art absolutely amazed when you were doodling james potter, being shocked when you switched to digital and adoring how much your style just shows in everything for as long as i've been active on tumblr and through multiple accounts.

your art is a massive inspiration and so very, very wonderful and full of life, and i'm glad you're still here drawing. i was scrolling through twitter and saw your new atsv art and went "it's them! it's hazel!!!" and i thought i'd send this because i always forget to.

have a nice day, and thank you So much for doing what you do. your art is absolutely wonderful. <3

you wont believe me but i was going to answer this right away but theres something about remembering you got a nice ask some time ago and going to your askbox and reading it all over again like oh my god... life is good after all and i can make a positive impact!

you dont know how happy this makes me!!! i always cringe when people say theyve been following me and my art journey for a long time cause i look back at my stuff from even a year ago and im like jesus christ thats so bad. how come people enjoy that not to mention my art from like 2017 😭 always humbles me that i had the balls to put myself on the internet back in the days but look at me! i still do! letting people connect with you via art and discover new thing through it... when i think about it like that life really is good

anyway went a bit off track there haha but thank you so much for sharing this with me!!!! honored to be able to share my art and try get better (as a person too) with each year :-) hope youre having an amazing day as well!!!!

[fossettt]

1 year on Radblr

It’s been a year now since I discovered radical feminism through Tumblr; here are my thoughts:

I don’t know how else I would have found out about radical feminism.  I’ve never been conservative but I grew up in a conservative town, I work with conservative people, and while I’ve always known that something was Wrong, I never had the words for it until a year ago.  Please keep that in mind when you see a naive woman spouting shit.  I don’t know how to explain the mental block - I only realized I had one when it was lifted.

I came in with the not-so-accurate thought that feminism is about equality of the sexes. But equal is not equitable and I was defining equal using men’s standards, not mine.  Feminism is about female liberation.  I wonder where I even first heard the equality thing?

The first month was furious and obsessive reading posts and not the fundamental literature. The second month I felt passionate and informed enough to start debates with people. Dipshit move on my part but I learned eventually about when to sit and listen VS. when to jump in VS. when to disengage.  Comparatively, most of my actions are now sitting and listening.  I’ll always be learning, and so will you.

I’m more mentally and physically comfortable with my body now, but I still have a lifetime of female socialization to recover from. I’m confident in my bare face and comfy clothes wherever I go but I’m still hesitant to wear shorts that show off the legs I won’t shave anymore. I think that’ll get better with time.  They really do feel natural to me now and if I can learn to not care what assholes think I’ll be golden!

I made some sideblogs to post about fun stuff because I didn’t want to mix joke posts and serious posts.  I end up running across some of you anyway, which is interesting.

Misogynistic words I thought were offensive yet normalized are gone from my vocabulary.  I don’t use words like “bitch” or “motherfucker” for shock value in my writing anymore.  This has called for some exercises in creativity but I see that as a good thing!

The acronym TERF hurts our cause for a few reasons. It’s an oxymoron that falsely implies that we don’t include trans-identified female people in our activism, it falsely implies that our activism is centered around trans people, and in general it’s a word along the likes of “feminazi” or “karen” designed to shut us up. I thought it was funny at first for some of us to “reclaim” it to find each other but I think there are better ways to do that now.

Some of you are nuts.  And that should be expected.  It would be weirder if you (and I) were all perfect angels.  I’ve gotten a lot of practice reading a wacky take and disagreeing without resorting to misogynistic thoughts.  I hadn’t even realized how much I had done it before when I disagreed with other antagonistic women.  Sometimes I still feel it, in a “holding all women to a higher standard” kind of way.  Recognizing that is important.

Real-life activism is my focus now.  Radblr was my eye-opener but my priorities are now organizing with women offline.

I send people to this post once in a while: Radical Feminism Beliefs: the basics.  Feminism is a pretty clear-cut ideology!  Apply your question to those tenants and work out the answer for yourself (in between reading the recommended literature).  We argue a lot about the methods we’ll use to achieve our goals but as long as we understand that the goal is female liberation, we’ll be okay. 

[armando-triplepapito]

Okay story time!

Before I got obsessed with ysblf, I was obsessed with BTS. So obviously I was in the BTS army/fandom. I was active in Twitter so I had quite a following (over 4,000 followers! Sorry I had to brag🤭). Random people would message me and you know me, I wanted to make friends so I would reply back and made some nice conversation. Now tell me why a 10 year old girl started messaging me!!! The worst part is that I didn’t even know she was 10 until multiple messages later!! When I found out her age I was flabbergasted! Like why is a 10 year old messaging strangers!! Kids these days are so bold!! This was 3 yrs ago so she’s probably only 13 now ugh I can’t believe it! I always think about that girl till this day😭 I should’ve known honestly, cause the way she “typed” was off like you could tell she was way too young😭 that got me wondering tho! How old we’re you guys when y’all decided to message strangers online? I was 20yrs old when I started to do so and that’s for my BTS Twitter account. I’ve always read fanfics, I think I started when I was 13 yrs old but even then I never commented on a fic ever until this year, just a few days ago actually. And that’s only cause the fic I commented on belongs to a mutual here! I’ve always been too shy to talk with strangers 😔

In my Twitter bio I always had my date of birth (Ik I shouldn’t) so everyone could know my exact age plus I wanted to attract people my age yk, but no! I always got kids I’m my dms! (That 10 yr old knew I was 20 yet she still decided to dm me💀) I even made good friends with these two girls, in my head they became my besties! But dude!! One was 13 and the other 15!😭😭😭 tbh I miss them🥲 but turns out the 13yr old blocked me! How dare she! Like why? What did I do? We had deep conversations and everything! Maybe I offended her 😞 I also had deep conversations with this 14yr old Brazilian (well her bio at the moment says she’s 17 so I’m assuming she was 14 when we talked). I feel so bad cause I never saw/opened her message. Her last message was her talking about how ashamed she is to talk to people in English since she’s not fluent. Like girl noooo don’t apologize!! I should be the one ashamed! And I am!! My poor baby! If only I replied to make her feel better! But in my defense by that time I was already homeless so I couldn’t log back in and when a year has passed and I finally found a place I watched ysblf and got obsessed so I never went back to Twitter. I actually logged in just a few days ago and that’s when all the memories started🥲. Army Twitter 2020 was the best!

Anyways yea Ik this is random and all but yea I just wanted to share a bit and go on a bit of a rant. Tbh I was never not shocked when I found out the ages of my mutuals on Twitter, they were hella young! Tho I sometimes do get shocked when I find about y’all (tumblr moots) ages too cause I’ve noticed some of y’all are over 30😳 which idk why that surprise me cause y’all are so smart I love it🥰

Its crazy how I was an army for 3-4 yrs and I’ve been a ysblf fan for a little over a year now. Makes me wonder what I’ll be obsessed with next tho I don’t wanna jinx it cause I wanna stay in this fandom as long as I can! I love y’all 🥹❤️

[qwizzers]

so i just found your youtube channel like a few minutes ago and I really enjoyed your video talking about different types of social media and your own personal experience/opinions on them because ive been bouncing back and forth between social medias. I personally miss the old twitter and instagram format but ever since instagram has been turned into a reel-obsessed platform it is very difficult to get reach there so i think twitter has been my most safest/casual posting experience for me. i felt like on instagram i had so much pressure to post reels and i never gave in but it was just super frustrating, sometimes really wanting to just completely leave it entirely, but for now i guess im trying to just post more. im not a tumblr user really but i had this tumblr acc ages ago so i decided to log back in just to message here, but i wanted to ask, if theres any way we can talk further abt this privately i would love to go more in depth ! i dont check tumblr often so im not even sure if you will ever answer this haha, or how i would know if you did or not, but i guess a question that also comes to mind is, how do you post without overthinking? i have so much art i make so many doodles and unfinished wips, and people post wips all the time ! and its like, i cannot bring myself to do that either... im scared of someone either tracing over my art/stealing my art /ocs and just im not sure i guess posting wips makes me not want to finish the art, but when i dont post often i often feel pressure to post fully rendered stuff and sometimes ! i just wanna post a cute furry oc with thigh socks is that so much to ask !!!!!!! XD,,, i kind of scare myself out of posting, but how do i make myself more comfortable with posting without worrying? i scare myself from doing anything haha, i WANT to be more active ! and i want to post more oc stuff and even fanart, but i always make excuses like "nah ill do that when i get better, or ill do it when the drawing is finished" and sometimes i dont even post finished sketches or art !!!!!! i will take any suggestions or anything, but im desperate to break this bad habit,,,, and also ! another question is, how do people code their toyhouse? i saw you explain it in the video a bit, and i recently just got my toyhouse to post oc stuff, but im not sure how people code their card.co, and toyhouse so if theres any sort of website or program or anything i can use to do this please let me know ! i really want to decorate my stuff more :3,,, anyways im not sure if you publically post these.... but if i can somehow post my discord somewhere so we can talk further please let me know !

okay, this ask was super sweet and i want to just say thank u bc it was a fun read :3 hopefully if you do see this response - i have a discord if you want to add me and talk, its qwizzers! i have a website (https://qwizz.carrd.co) and you can see all the sites that i use there so if you use any as well you can contact me there!

so my input on avoiding overthinking b4 you post is to start sharing your work in smaller places to build up your confidence! if you're worried about tracing/stealing, i don't want to say that's not a legitimate concern, bc it IS, however i will say it really doesn't happen too often! ive been around for years and i dont think ive...ever had anyone trace me, the most i've seen is heavy referencing and usually if you bring it to their attention, they instantly stop - when this happens i say it's 70% of the time just young kids that don't realize what theyre doing is wrong or didnt realize youd find out. you can also watermark your work! theres nothing wrong with watermarks, even if its just on a sketch! while it cant necessarily guard against tracers, it can guard against blatant theft. you dont necessarily have to post your work in progresses if doing so demotivates you; but you dont have to exclusively post fully rendered art, either. try to get into a habit of making doodles n more simple art in between your big pieces, and get into the swing of posting those! if you feel like you havent posted in a while, just make a quick doodle or something along those lines and share that! you can build up your confidence with posting online in general by starting small - you could start by sharing your art in discord servers or with your friends so you get more confident about sharing your work regularly. "ill do this when i'm good enough" is a SUPER detrimental train of thought...bc there will never be a point where you'll admit to yourself that you feel like you're ready. that's just a part of the artistic progression :') if you have that mindset, you'll ALWAYS have that mindset, and you'll never actually do the projects that you want to! if you think its outside your ability, it probably isnt really, and you should give it a go anyways! even if it doesnt look perfect or turn out exactly how you wanted it to, you'll probably still be happy in the end bc u gave it your best effort :]

heres my bit on toyhouse:

if you know how to code w html, all you have to do is press "edit profile" on a character and you can code directly into the big box field! if you're not seeing that, it has to do with your settings (which i can explain more in depth if need be) if you ARENT familiar w html, thats fine too! you can find a TON of free to use toyhouse code templates, and a lot of them even explain exactly how to use them! basically you can copy and paste their code for free into your character profile, and just change the text so it fits your character :3 i have a favorite folder for all the neat free to use codes i see, here's a link: https://toyhou.se/Qwizz/favorites/79962 *my toyhouse is kind of eyestrainy btw!) carrd is a seperate website: https://carrd.co you can make a carrd for free and its much more straightforward, you basically just drag text boxes/images in and customize the site how youd like :3

[oraclekleo]

🌻

Hiii! 🥹

I’m Yiel, I’m 23yrs old. Born in 7th of Aug, 1999✨

I recently started getting interested in Astrology and Tarot and tho my account here has been around for a while, I’m fairly new here as a Stay (SKZ Fan) 🥹

I’ve been into Kpop since the pandemic started, mainly only stanning Astro. I was a very active Aroha (Astro Fan) back then, but life happened and I have to slow down but my love for them never changed a bit, knowing they’re the ones that saved me from going crazyyy when the lockdown started. A lot happened since, and its been quiet a sad time especially because of what happened last April. Which lead me to find comfort in Stray Kids, and Tumblr. And I’m honestly so glad I did 😭

I mostly listen to Pop, Pop-Punk, Rock, and Country Music. I’m also an aspiring singer hehe. I honestly love the mystery of what the future holds, maybe thats why I enjoy reading people’s interpretations of tarot readings and I have also started to study the tarot by myself and the help of the internet as well 🫶🏻

I found your blog whilst scrolling through #StrayKidsTarot 🥰 I ended up looking into one of your readings for Chan, and somehow, something clicked in my head and I immediately followed you, went straight to your masterlist. I can’t tell you how happy I got when I saw Astro in one of the groups you’ve read for 😭

In all of the accounts I followed, yours is definitely one of those that really seemed to be enjoying what they do and is knowledgeable about Tarot, also I find it amazing that you have Games and PAC’s too! 🥹

Through your blog, I see you as someone very dedicated and happy with what they do, and I think you’re an amazing person all throughout🫰🏻

Love and Light ✨

Hello and be very welcomed to my blog! 💖

Okay! First of all, you have used the sunflower emoji but I can't see which idol you would like the compatibility reading with. You have written such a beautiful and long message and that one information probably slipped out 😁 No worries, this actually happens to me all the time. You have mentioned Stray Kids and Astro and therefore I don't dare to assume you would want Yeonjun compatibility reading. You have followed the rules perfectly so if you sent me the name of idol you want to be shipped with, I'll do your reading, no problem. 😊

Now when the official part is off my chest, thank you so much for joining my little Tumblr family here. And yes, tarot is indeed my passion and I mostly do it for my own sake not for the popularity or such 😂 The fact I can share my interest with others is only a pleasant bonus. 😊

I got my first deck 17 years ago so it's something I'm into for quite a while. 😂 I'm always happy to hear it when somebody wants to start tarot reading themselves. It's one of the greatest hobbies! I often give suggestions on card interpretations here and I even still run the offer where you can practice with me where I will give a feedback to you and help in any way I possibly can 😁 So! Don't be shy to drop ask or message me anytime. I have already several apprentices. 😂

I'm truly happy you like the content here. I try to keep it diverse. I'm the type of person who would start get bored if only doing one thing again and again. That's the reason for games and interactive stories and Idols After Dark series... I like to keep things interesting for myself. If I haven't detoured like this, I might have completed my requests much sooner but maybe also never because I would lose interest in tarot. 😂

I am in deed dedicated but I'm also super organized and methodical 😂 You should see my charts and docs regarding tarot readings. 🤣

Anyway! Happy to have you here. Don't hesitate to interact with me anytime. I love to talk to my followers. Even about silly things. We had tea discussion, we had a villain discussion that gets ressurected once in while 😂

Be blessed! ✨

Kleo 🦄

[rielzero]

Life Update 16/4/2023

Feeling a bit more ‘’okay’’ at the moment. I did have a really bad meltdown a week ago(?) I seriously can’t tell how much time passed since then, but it is what it is. I can’t change how that went.

I’ll unpin that health thingy pinned post a bit later, I’m going to try a new routine (again) and see how it goes. I can’t make any promises on activity because I do not trust myself to function given how much my disabled body has been a bich this year and this year alone.

As for mental health- my self esteem seems a bit ok right now, all though my anxiety is still standing on a column and I can’t tell if its going to tip over any time soon, but I’m trying to stay positive and just go with the flow of the river.

I was very concerned I was really depressed again- but it might have just been a big dent, not full on depression. It’s hard to tell when you have CPTSD wether or not you’re having a fall back into depression- general gloominess is part of my day to day life and has more to do with my body’s reluctance to maintain or produce enough energy throughout the day. The recovery from my actual life-long depression into early adulthood was a mess, but I did beat it. I have been much healthier than I was in 2018-2019. Which is why I DON’T want that to come back. I beat its ass!! STAY AWAY DEPRESSO. Yeet!!

Exercise is still going great! my diet is fine, so otherwise I’m just hoping now that spring’s coming, we’re out of the big sad pile of whatever earlier this month was.

One of the first order of business is still to replace some images on my tumblr with glaze crunchy ones, just in case- before turning my tumblr on publicly viewable again.

There’s always the possibility I’m just going to feel bad again tomorrow. I don’t know. I do my best, I want to be happy.

I know my limits better than ever, and just gonna keep on holding my head high enough so I can headbutt whatever bullshit comes my way.

This disabled person ain’t done with life yet!! 2023 suck my d*** !!! I’M COMING THROUH-

uegh

COUGH

Anyway

Vroidstudio official v2 Rielzero reveal sometime soon [tm] weeh.

He’s gloomy if you couldn’t tell :D *jumps around*

[forest-babeys]

howly fuck that took long, uh

Hello! It is the mun!! After like.. way too fuckin’ long, they have returned! Your king has not abandoned you! Mun has found their password again- okay let’s just drop the mun 3rd person talk, this is serious.

So, where to begin.

I thought I lost this account for good after so many horrible things started happening at once. Breakups, familial death, mentally draining and abusive relationships, grooming, the WORKS, practically everything bad to happen to a young teen happened, but i kept on the down low so the blog could thrive. And it worked, I guess but I had a breaking point. And thus, 7 months ago the blog was left to collect dust without explanation. After a while, I wanted to come back, but..

yeah, i forgot my password.

In the end though, I suppose it was worth it, not having the choice to come back early. Without Tumblr I was able to focus on me for once. Improve, branch out, all the jazz normal artists do without the creepy creeps breathing down my neck 24/7 about what I should draw and how I should draw it. (You can’t really escape those anywhere, but holy HELL they were BOUNTIFUL in my time on tumblr) It was nice being away from some of the less than pleasant acquaintances I made and just.. starting fresh again. Off this damn app. Off social media period.

I guess you could say it was what I needed, to be away for a while. Maybe i should have stayed gone. But- in the end, I felt bad leaving everything behind. All of you askers, mostly. It was probably the right thing to do to get away from the app in general at the time, but..

Kitsune, Astronaut, Ghost, Screamer, and let us not forget the man, the myth, the anon, SkateBoard Anon, the thought of you all brought me back one last time. I couldn’t just rightfully leave you in the dark on my status. I mean, some of you thought I died, how could I just let you think that?? Anyways,

You guys built me up to be someone I could’ve never imagined being. I felt like I was someone when I came on this app, which is something I hadn’t felt in years. And even if my stories were bad, and I didn’t really have any clear end in sight, and there were several blogs before this one that I dragged you all through, i had fun with this. My silly little time on this app. I had an absolute blast doing it all with you guys by my side. This was my first taste of internet fame, and it was the best kind of fame a dummy like me could’ve asked for. A small app fame where the community i had felt like friends and family rather than strangers on the internet.

I want to thank you all for sticking through the ramblings and doodles of a sad, young teen and turn it into something a slightly less sad, older teen can look back on fondly. And if you’re still here after all of this, you are absolutely nutty, and thank you for caring so much about the artist.

Unfortunately, I don’t think I will be continuing the ask blog. It was fun while it lasted, but I think I wrecked this train the second i kept going after Millennial Tree Cookie was saved that one time. Slice of life should’ve stayed slice of life, really.

I’ll leave any other socials I own below in case you still want to follow the works of this ol geezer. I have to warn you, I haven’t gotten much better at the social media thing. And if not, then this is farewell.

This is the end of the Forest Babeys blog. I’m sorry it had to crash and burn before whatever “grand finale” I could make up was made, but I just.. can’t look at this blog the same way I used to anymore. I’ll still leave it up as always, new readers can come and go whenever they please and see the journeys we had, maybe come up with their own, better interpretations of what we made here. I leave that to you.

——

mun’s instagram (currently active) @konjkitkat

[nxdxxh3]

Hello.

I have not posted or reblog or whatever these things are called nowadays. Anyways, I bet no one reads this cus i just wanna give a life update to myself lmao.

I stopped visiting tumblr probably more than 5 years ago?? So around 2018 probably. Oh wow. Okay imma make a timeline then.

2018: I was with my ex boyfriend. Lets just call him A. Things started great then went downhill and i ignored all the red flags yadda yadda yadda typical young girl thats so positive im gonna end up with this guy. Well no. If i could turn back time, i would slap myself in the face and tell her to run. I actually cant remember much back then as im trying to forget everything 2020 and below. But what i did remember is how manipulative he is and a liar. But, i was in "love". I started my diploma this year and graduated already in 2019. We'll get to that year in a second. Anyways, he practically talked me into being with him rather than this really great dude i was dating before him and mind you he had a gf. In my defense, i didnt know as i said earlier, hes manipulative and a liar. The dude before him is from singapore and i was young and thought LDR wont work on me(boy i was wrong.) I needed the physical attention cus well, i was young.. But im glad i did met him physically cus we planned to meet in Johor and it was sweet. okay that got sidetracked but 2018 is like the 2nd year i was with A. During this year, it really went downhill. I started to fall into deep depression and my mental health was bad bad. Thats when i felt i wanted to unalive myself and hurt myself. and i did. the latter i mean. anyways he started working somewhere and i actually was sus about this bitch working there as well. Lets call her S for slut.

2019: Fast forward to 2019. This is the year i got a cyst on my left ovary. Due to reasons i rather not say but i will answer if by any chance someone read this and are curious so go ahead inbox me i guess. But definitely A was contributing to it. Whether directly or indirectly. So yeah, during that time it was bad. I lost my left ovary and i only have 1 now. How i found out you ask? (no one asked but) I had really unbearable pain on my abdominal area. The uterus area like non stop. I thought its the period cramps but i wasnt on my period that time at all. I found out a bit late so the cyst grew until 12cm and i saw it after the removal. Its the size of a baby's head! im not even exaggerating. Its really big. Anyways after the surgery, my family has been there for me. They're really the main reason why im still alive and well mentally and physically. That was in July. and i cant remember anything before that. so lets move on. Towards the end of the year, i found out that A was cheating on me. Not 1, but with 2 different girls. 1 is S and 1 is F. These random ass letters will get me confused but nvm. F is the ex gf. and the funny thing is, F was friends, best friends with S. LMAO. When i found out, the first thing i did was exposing him on my instagram sksk. I cant do anything and im not gonna stay quiet about it. so i just did that. and a lot of people came forward exposing more about him and S. So hes really active with S. Hes been going out, fucking her and F behind my back. and they both dont know about each other's situation btw until F saw my insta story and contacted me to meet up. and we did and i told her everything. all this time A was badmouthing me to his side pieces saying how much of a psycho i am, how i always beg him to stay (fuck no ew i always ask for break ups but he always have a way for words and actions). Like i said, hes manipulative and a liar. the fact he had the audacity to ask me to not stay mad for long as if im still gonna be part of this shitty hole. fuck no. i did confront S at that time and bro i really felt like i wanted to slap her face and drag her across the road but hey hes not that fucking worth it for me to do that. I complete left the whole fiasco and stayed friends with F lmao. shes cool. but sometimes dumb bcs she still stayed with him after everything. although that time A already went public with S he can still manipulated F somehow. A ended up marrying S tho. and side note, i gave A a fossil watch and it was fucking expensive. and he told F he bought it himself lmao. fucker. oh and he often take advantage on me asking me to pay for shit. he did pay sometimes but restaurants that are expensive, i paid. he paid for mamak, hawker stalls and what not lmao. So that ended. And i ended up celebrating new years alone and i fucking glad i did.

2020 -2021 July: So uuh covid came. And i met this dude on May 2020. How? me and my discord friends that i met during covid were planning to meet up and hes one of them who tags along. He just broke up with his ex gf 2-3 days ago that time. How he approached me, he kissed me creepily and suddenly while me and him was alone in a house i rented before covid during my degree. Now that i think back, it was creepy. He said "what if i attacked you right now". LIKE WTF? WHO SAYS THAT. Then he suddenly kissed me. i did not know how to de-escalated the situation. so i just let it slide. we just met for 2 hours btw. and he keeps on asking for a kiss afterwards too. on the way back from the outing, i have to send him back and he did not have a license btw. All the way back, he keeps on asking wanting to kiss me again (of course i said no) and hold my hand (this one i was ok with it although i was so uncomfortable). It was so creepy dude. I dont know if those things counts as assault or not cus i kinda just went along with it but i was uncomfy. Anyways, hes unhygienic, kinda narcissistic also have anger issues. Everytime we played games together, i cant enjoy shit bcs he keeps on tilting and screaming at randoms. (sometimes he tilts on me) I also have to pick him up and send him back after all of our dates. it was a mess. I learned the hard way after agreeing to date him. but during my relationship with him, im the fucked up one. i owned up to my mistakes and im not gonna leave this part out from this timeline. i cheated on him with some random dude. and i wont justify my actions. cheating is still cheating. he did gave me a second chance and i swear to god i did try my best to be better. i don't blame him for acting more suspicious of me and blaming me for everything. but it gets worse and i got tired. i honestly thought i should've just left instead of asking for a second chance. i realized the reason why i asked for a second chance is just to make up for it. bcs i felt bad. and that's not something i should've done. i should've just left and let him healed. trust me that came up a lot of times but seems like he doesn't want us to end either. so the unhappy and most depressing phase of our relationship got dragged until august 2021.

2021 August: I finally had the courage to end things with him for good. Bcs we both tried to move on from the incident but hes not doing well on his end. He still accused me of things that i didn't do. Question everything i did and yes i got tired. again i don't blame him but Its getting unhealthy and toxic for both of us. He keeps on saying he trusts me and i have become better but still act like we're back to square one. I called quits and he doesn't want to in the beginning. But then i had to lie telling him i have another person in my life. and that was his last straw. He screamed and yelled at me and just ended there like that. I felt bad but i cant stay again bcs i felt bad. Its not right.

2021 September - Present: These timelines are getting me confused ngl cus i really cant remember the exact time. anyways before i broke up with my previous bf, i was in another different circle of friends. I spent most of my time there while trying to escape him. i thought maybe if i distant myself its a lot more easier for me to leave and him to forget me. but yea during that time we actually fought a lot bcs of that. so after the break up i spent all of my time there. and i met this random singaporean dude. we spent all night talking and exchanging songs that we like and watching sitcoms. i remember our first show was The Good Place. Our discord server name is The Good Place where we hang a lot. (ldr things) and yes he knows about my past from A to Z. Basically everything i have wrote so far. We played valorant a lot tgt. I know i know, very short amount of time meeting someone new. but bro he hits different. its definitely the rush, the chasing, the butterflies. i haven't felt like that for a while and well, its bcs of my own fault too. i admit everything happens so fast like very fast. so we start really getting to know each other after dating which is weird and can lead to an easy break up especially we're doing long distance. but im not losing this dude. so i said, fuck it. he did say that he scared long distance would be hard but hes willing to try. i did it before and i want to be better. especially for a guy like him. 2 years has passed and today, 13th April 2023, we're still together and getting engage hopefully end of this year. Life has been great since i met him. Everything is different. he accepts me for who i am, we finish each other's dark humors/jokes. We facetime everyday and never get tired of seeing each other. He met my family and i met his. Although we ldr, we make it work. There's ups and down of course and mostly bcs of me lmao cus i self sabotage a lot liddat. but im working on it. and also, i suck at communicating. mostly bcs i usually keep things to myself during my past relationships. but that's what im working on right now and i hope im doing well. besides that, i am finally content and happy. Not a day goes by i never thought of him. I truly love him and i cant wait for what the future holds for us.

Thanks for reading guys. (im probably talking alone rn)