#one being that the reason i can't use the character I've been trying to fit into some story since 2015

[songsintheattic]

i'm finally alive enough that at least some of the creativity i once had is coming back, but i didn't really realize just how bad it had been and for how long. it's now 10 years since i had first started writing, and i was in rough shape even then, and i'm just now starting to get those same glimmers of inspiration again.

naturally, it exclusively happens while driving so i can't write any of it down lol

[ozzgin]

Hai, beloved....❤️✨

I've liked your blog for a long time and I came here to make a request With the six Handsome Yokai, muehehe ~

With fem reader who is the wife of the Yokai (separately) and is a woman who turns out to be a beautiful and elegant Oni please...❤️💋

Of course! My apologies for the delay, it always takes some time to get back into the mood for a certain story. This will be a yokai harem week hopefully. :D I'm very glad you're still around, Strawberry. 💕

Yandere! Yokai Harem AU: Oni! Reader

Featuring the six demon boyfriends - now husbands! - and a female oni reader.

Content: female reader, monster romance

[Main Story] [Character Guide] [Boyfriend Headcanons]

Murasaki

Murasaki needs time to accustom himself to any change in the relationship. You've gotten so close that you now wear his wedding ring, but strangely enough, he will be somewhat distant and shy in the first month after marriage. Mind you, he married you specifically because he cannot envision his life without your presence in it. Yet every time he glances at you, his cheeks burn in embarrassment, and he quickly looks away with a huff. It feels different. You're as beautiful as always, except now you bear the title of his wife. It's an intimacy he's never experienced before, making him nervous. Murasaki does not like uncertainty. How do people get used to it? Additionally, he will be extra protective and particularly caustic towards potential threats. You've had to hold him back from slashing a mere passerby once. "What're you looking at a married woman for? The road is straight ahead, asshole!"

Kiritsubo

Kiritsubo has always been a clingy and affectionate partner and you didn't think it could get any worse. Then you got married. On one hand, it has certainly helped his struggle of feeling insecure and inadequate. Can you blame him? You're stunning, often catching the eye of demons and humans alike. It was difficult to imagine someone like you would be pleased to have him as a partner. Yet here you are by his side, wearing the ring he's given you to tie the knot. He couldn't be any happier. A newfound sense of pride has flooded his entire being. Perhaps he is meant to be yours, after all. On the other hand, he's glued to your side even more so than before. You're married, which means you're basically one, right? It means you can be even more intimate. "Oh, you're preparing a bath for us? I can't wait!"

Suma

"Beauty and the Beast" is a fitting comparison for your relationship with Suma, and not just appearance-wise. You're elegant and well-mannered, while the yokai man is, well...nonchalant is one way to describe it. He is loud, carefree, and unapologetically violent. He loves fighting almost as much as he loves you. In the eyes of most people, you're an unusual pair. Despite everything, Suma can be very gentle, especially when it comes to you. And if he does get too enthusiastic, you're thankfully not as frail as one would believe. You are a powerful oni, after all. He's the kind of guy that will shout "This is my wife" so the whole perimeter knows not to mess with you.

Yuugiri

Yuugiri might just be the perfect match for someone of your status. He is equally good-looking, with androgynous features and distinguished manners. A perfect, charming husband according to many. He knows exactly how to sweep you off your feet and loves to spoil you with compliments. The snake yokai is very proud to have you as his wife. The downside to this is that he can be extremely jealous. If he suspects someone is trying to flirt with you, know that he is already planning their demise. He'll flash you a confident smile while pondering ways to torment the bastard. Don't worry, he will be equally ruthless if someone tries to get close to him instead.

Sakaki

Ah, Sakaki. Your very own gloomy husband, plagued by doubt and fear. Once again, an intriguing pair to outsiders. The depressed, melancholic yokai and his gorgeous, bright oni wife. Yet this is the very reason the demon has fallen in love with you: you're the light in his darkness, the hope in his despair. He proposed to you in the way most expected of him: a ring in one hand, and a noose in the other. "It's you for eternity, or death. You may seal my fate." Life with him won't change much after tying the knot. Although he might get a little more confident now that you have made things official. "Excuse me, you're flirting with my tomb partner. We'll be sharing a coffin one day; you don't stand a chance."

Sekiya

Sekiya will take forever to propose to you, mostly out of fear. Despite your best attempts to reassure him of your love, he is still very much crippled by the fear of rejection. What if you say no? What if you change your mind at the very last moment? You're an alluring, charismatic oni that could easily find someone better than him. His chances are slim. Thankfully it will tone down once you're officially married. He might even come out of his shell and dare to be a little more assertive. "That's MY ring on her finger, j-just so you know", he'll warn, proudly. (It was a jewelry maker asking you what style you prefer)

[sirfrogsworth]

Let's talk about vintage lenses.

Here is your cool samurai show with modern lenses.

Here is your cool samurai show with vintage lenses.

Hollywood is no stranger to fads.

We are currently in the middle of a "make everything too dark" fad. But that fad is starting to overlap with "let's use really old lenses on ridiculously high resolution cameras."

This is Zack Snyder with a Red Monstro 8K camera.

He is using a "rehoused" vintage 50mm f/0.95 Canon "Dream Lens" which was first manufactured in 1961.

This old lens is put inside a fancy new body that can fit onto modern cameras.

Which means Zack is getting nowhere near 8K worth of detail. These lenses are not even close to being sharp. Which is fine. I think the obsession with detail can get a bit silly and sometimes things can be "too sharp."

But it is a funny juxtaposition.

The dream lens is a cool lens. It has character. It has certain aberrations and defects that can actually be beneficial to making a cool photograph. It's a bit like vinyl records for photography.

[ Peter Thoeny ]

It has vignetting and distortion and a very strange swirly background blur.

[ Gabriel Binder ]

Optical engineers have been spending the last 60 years trying to eliminate these defects. And I sometimes wonder if they are confused by this fad.

"I WORKED 70 HOURS PER WEEK TO GET PERFECT CORNER SHARPNESS!"

And whether you prefer to work with a perfect optic or a vintage one... it is a valid aesthetic decision either way. I think vintage glass can really suit candid natural light photography. You can almost get abstract with these lenses.

[ Peter Theony ]

Personally I like to start with as close to perfect as possible and then add the character in later. That way I can dial in the effect and tweak how much of it I want. But even with modern image editing tools, some of these aberrations are difficult to recreate authentically.

That said, it can be very easy for the "character" of these lenses to become distracting. And just like when someone first finds the lens flares in Photoshop, it can be easy for people to overdo things.

Zack Snyder decided to be his own cameraman and used only vintage glass in his recent movies and it has led to some complaints about the imagery.

I mean, Zack Snyder overdoing something? I can't even imagine it.

Non camera people felt Army of the Dead was blurry and a bit weird but they couldn't quite explain why it felt that way.

The dream lens has a very wide aperture and it lets in a lot of light. But it also has a very very shallow depth of field. Which means it is very difficult to nail focus.

[ Peter Thoeny ]

Her near eye is in focus and her far eye is soft. You literally can't get an entire face in focus.

There is no reason you have to use the dream lens at f/0.95 at all times. But just like those irresistible lens flares, Zack couldn't help himself.

Here is a blueprint that you can't really see.

Extreme close ups of faces without autofocus at f/0.95 is nearly impossible to pull critical focus on.

Looks like Zack nailed the area just above the eyebrow here.

Let's try to find the point of focus in this one.

Ummmm... she is just... blurry. Missed focus completely.

But Zack isn't the only one going vintage. I've been seeing this a lot recently.

Shogun is a beautiful show. And for the most part, I really enjoyed the cinematography. But they went the vintage lens route and it kept going from gorgeous to "I can't not see it" distracting. And perhaps because I am familiar with these lens defects I am more prone to noticing. But I do think it hurt the imagery in a few spots.

Vingetting is a darkening of the corners of the frame.

Light rays in the corners are much harder to control. A lot of modern lenses still have this problem, but they create software corrections to eliminate the issue. Some cameras do it automatically as you are recording the image.

Vintage lenses were built before lens corrections where a thing—before software was a thing. So you either have to live with them, try to remove them with VFX, or crop into your image and lose some resolution.

It's possible this is the aesthetic they wanted. They felt the vignetting added something to the image. But I just found my eyes darting to the corners and not focusing on the composition.

And then you have distortion.

In this case, barrel distortion.

This is mostly prominent in wide angle lenses. In order to get that wider field of view the lens has to accept light from some very steep angles. And that can be quite difficult to correct. So you kind have to sacrifice any straight lines.

And sometimes this was a positive contribution to the image.

I thought the curved lines matched the way they were sitting here.

But most of the time I just felt like I was looking at feudal Japan through a fish's eye.

It's a bit more tolerable as a still, but when all of these verticals are bowing in motion, I start to feel like I am developing tunnel vision.

I love that this is a tool that is available. Rehousing lenses is a really neat process and I'm glad this old glass is getting new life.

This documentary shows how lens rehousing is done and is quite fascinating if you are in to that sort of thing.

But I think we are in a "too much of a good thing" phase when it comes to these lenses. I think a balance between old and new can be found.

And I also think maybe Zack should see what f/2.8 looks like. He might like having more than an eyebrow in focus.

[bonefall]

Clear Sky is a Monster.

Of all the characters in Warrior Cats, I think Clear Sky was the most heavily mishandled.

At every turn, the narrative begs you to sympathize with him, to "understand" the "misunderstood." To this end, his brother Gray Wing is used to "keep faith" in his inherent goodness, his abused son, Thunder, is forced to go back to him over and over, and his second dead wife is completely lobotomized in death to absolve him of all sin.

Because of this, of all this set-up for the "redemption" arc they're trying to tell in the last three books, DOTC is Clear Sky's story. Everything primarily exists to benefit and serve his arc. Thunder and Gray Wing might have POVs, but HE is the character who truly drives the plot. So in order to HAVE conflict for that back half, two evil foreign cats, Slash and One Eye, are summoned to act as contrast.

Their narrative purpose is to display "true evil" to make Clear Sky look less bad in comparison. Unfortunately, Clear Sky is the most malignant, deadly character who has ever blighted Warrior Cats.

The "pure evil" examples they summon aren't effective contrasts because they're flat. Clear Sky is what real abusers look like.

His rhetoric is what it sounds like when a cult leader is trying to keep control over a group. He lies when it benefits him, justifies his actions with his tragic backstory to assuage his guilt and manipulate others, and violently lashes out when his feelings are hurt before blaming his victim for making him angry.

He only made "some mistakes" in that SOME of his actions were accidents-- the vast majority of them were malicious, self-absorbed, intentional choices to punish, hurt, and kill others.

I've spoken about Bumble. I've tallied his body count next to Tigerstar. I've talked about how his infant son's death was his fault in sequel books, and called attention to the infected wound face shoving scene that no one talks about. I can't fit every detail into a single post-- because he's so rancid that I would practically be posting entire books.

So what I want to do here is tackle the heart of Clear Sky. Everything he does, everything he's motivated by, is absolute and utter control over other people. He leverages his "trauma" to evoke empathy from his targets to make them easier to manipulate. He's a dirty liar. He breaks down to physical violence when all other tactics stop working.

He's one of the most severe and realistic abusers I've ever read about outside of very adult literature-- and when I read the reasons why he's attracted to Star Flower, my stomach immediately lurched.

The Killing of Misty

Starvation Rhetoric and the Memory of Fluttering Bird

Aside; a question

Hunger as a punishment; he doesn't care about starvation

Exoneration arc

Predation: Star Flower is a replacement for his son.

I think that index is an evocative content warning. But to say it again; this post contains child and domestic abuse, physical assault, public humiliation, incestuous grooming implications, and a lot of murder.

I need to start with the death of Misty. I see a few people saying that Clear Sky killed her for "being on his land" or trespassing, but this is actually a misstatement that I feel is important to correct.

Misty and her children were on their own land. It was her house. Clear Sky killed her to take it.

This is one of the most important details to remember about Clear Sky, that this is the consistent end point of his obsessive need for power and control. By harassment, by violence, or by death, he will brutalize anyone who does not give him what he wants, or who makes him feel bad, and find some way to justify it.

This territory expansion was for no logical reason. There was plenty of food and plenty of land. Any aggression that's happening on this territory is in response to how he's been stealing land and mauling people.

When it's found out she was fighting to defend her children, Clear Sky's immediate response is to slaughter them too.

Petal doesn't have milk either. It wasn't about the logistics. He wanted to kill the kids, because looking at them made him feel bad, and she just managed to stop him.

Starvation Rhetoric and the Image of Fluttering Bird

It is often said that Clear Sky is doing this because he's "traumatized" from how his little sister, Fluttering Bird, starved to death in the mountains. That the emotion came from wanting to feed people. That's incorrect. It wasn't about food. Fluttering Bird's death, and all the "starvation" he's faced, are used as manipulation tactics to guilt, influence, and control other characters, particularly when he might meet resistance or be held accountable for something.

It was always, ALWAYS, about control.

He does not care about actually helping people; "Starvation Rhetoric" through Fluttering Bird is an image he can invoke to justify the actions that are as bloody and cruel as the one this post starts off with. Either in his own mind, or in the minds of the cats he's manipulating.

He does this to Falling Feather, before slicing her face open in anger when she doesn't buy it. He does it to Rainswept Flower, before he strangles her to death. And he does it in the chapter just before Misty's murder, both to his Clan and then to Thunder,

Clear Sky climbed up in front of an entire crowd and gave a grand speech about hunger and "adjusting" the borders around territory he plans to conquer. When he gets to "forgiveness" he feigns pain to make his point because he is performing. If the sentiment is not a total lie, then at bare minimum, he is intentionally playing this up for the crowd.

He is rallying the Clan to support his violence against the cats whose land he wants to steal, and selling it with his life's hardships.

The audience is clearly well-trained, because several cats recognize the cue, particularly Frost who is praised for loudly comforting him. This signals "loyalty" because showing your sympathy towards his "suffering" is how this type of emotional manipulation works. It creates a persecuted, righteous in-group.

He's also apparently used this tactic before, since this entire crowd knows what "I Would Never Forgive Myself " means.

He's made sycophants out of his followers. Like a cult leader.

His abused son, however, hasn't been fully indoctrinated yet. Seeing Thunder uncomfortable with the idea of expanding the borders for no reason, Clear Sky calls him over for a personal propaganda session.

Clear Sky begins the exchange by calling this a "duty" and a "great honor." Immediately framing what he plans to do as righteous.

He puts on the act when Thunder shows resistance, dramatically pausing to let the guilt trip sink in.

"Thunder waited, realizing that he said the wrong thing."

And then Clear Sky launches into infantilizing Thunder, talking down to him like a child who's too inexperienced to see the "signs of starvation," acting like he's being "patient" in "explaining" it.

And then we get it. "I know what starvation looks like (so stop trusting your own eyes) because I have been through more than you (so shut up and do what I tell you), and I'm being a HERO for what I'm about to do (so opposing me would make you a bad person)."

Thanks to these crocodile tears, looking "moved," the act works. The victim is immediately wracked by guilt because the abuser seems genuinely emotional.

He even lovebombs him over the corpse of Misty in the next chapter, making Thunder feel threatened.

Thunder doesn't have the words to describe what is happening to him, but he knows that this sudden snap to praise isn't natural. That something is very wrong.

A Question.

Before I move on to show that this IS an act, and that he is lying about how important avoiding starvation is to him, I will ask a question. Please think about it, because I promise I mean it genuinely;

Why does it matter if Clear Sky actually believes this or not?

The victims are just as dead either way, yes? Thunder is just as abused and guilt tripped. The entire Clan has been driven towards violence while coddling and cooing at their Supreme Leader. Clear Sky is slowly annexing the entire forest. If you have ever accepted that he had "good intentions" as an excuse for the harm he did, or that abuse and murder was what he imagined was "the right thing," or that his trauma justifies the way he leverages his own pain to make cats do what he wants... why do you think that?

Why does that make it morally better, as the narrative concludes? Would you accept the same for every other WC villain or antagonist? Tigerstar? Slash? Tom the Wifebeater? Brokenstar? Rainflower?

How could you tell the difference, if you couldn't read their actual thoughts on the page? ...are there any other "good intentions" you've accepted, somewhere else?

Don't share that answer with me. It's a question for you. Sit with it.

Hunger as a punishment; he doesn't care about starvation.

...but, regardless, Clear Sky is not deluded about starvation. It's a justification for his obsessive need for control, and always has been. There was no shortage before stealing Misty's land and kits, he is fully aware that there's more prey than they can eat.

He punishes Falling Feather with hunger and harassment for thought crime, by briefly thinking of leaving. But first, he invokes Fluttering Bird at her like he did before, flying into a screeching fit of rage when she doesn't buy it,

"I'm sorry I hurt you... BUT" is THE wifebeater phrase. THE stereotypical line of a domestic abuser. "I'm sorry I hit you... but it's your fault for making me so angry."

She went through the same exact starvation he did, calls out that he's just framing his greed as being for the collective benefit of his subjects, and is assaulted for that.

When we're in his head, we see his REAL concerns are not about hunger. He invoked Fluttering Bird to try and make her shut up and bow down to him; what he's focused on is her "gossiping" and "whining" about the open wound he left on her face. He's still furious at Fircone and Nettle for how Thunder QUESTIONED him. So he will "strengthen their commitment."

When "starvation" DOES enter his thoughts, it is to assuage his own guilt and JUSTIFY what he already did. What he already WANTS to do. It's post-hoc.

He had to suppress his own guilt at how his greed and ambition made these children into orphans, completely unable to admit that he's ever been wrong or has a change to make, so he invokes the starvation rhetoric at himself to excuse it. So he feels less bad.

Everything, EVERYTHING, in this confrontation is about his pleasure at being able to torment his subordinates. To continue the abuse when the initial confrontation is over. If it isn't pride in his power and control over them, it's plain sadism.

He invokes starvation in front of the crowd, again, after being pleasured at the guilt in her eyes, hoping that everyone sees her writhing with shame and embarrassment. Fear wasn't at the root of why he assaulted Falling Feather; rage was, and now he feels better that he got to humiliate the person who offended him.

Starvation Rhetoric is a manipulation tactic.

It goes RIGHT BACK to his twisted idea of "loyalty." Obedience.

A cat who's actually, primarily concerned about starvation wouldn't encourage other cats to steal her food if they feel like it. He wouldn't be using it as a weapon to retaliate against her because she hurt his feelings.

This is paired with the fact he restricts and monitors the diet of his cats. They eat when he allows it, and only what he gives them, in spite of there being piles of dead animals rotting, going to waste.

We then find he personally doles out food from these piles, plucking carcasses off them and flinging them at his cats, one by one. Probably so he can watch how grateful they are to him and make sure they stay a little hungry-- and definitely because it means he can control WHO gets to eat at all.

If Clear Sky chucked a mouse at Falling Feather and someone took it? She would have gone hungry. For not groveling to him. Like when he decides to starve her brother; a hostage who he promised to feed and care for.

He's a dishonest snake. He lied about abandoning baby Thunder, calling it a "test of strength," he lied about Bumble's death, he lied about keeping Jackdaw's Cry fed.

And he lied about starvation to Thunder, because he was just making up an excuse to steal more land.

He wasn't "seeing the signs" of starvation when he moved to "adjust" his borders. Even FURTHER into this so-called "delusional slip" into tyranny, he's freely admitting that it takes months for a person to starve when it benefits his sadistic need to punish undeserving cats.

"Dumb moor cats, always expecting more than they DESERVE."

Not need. DESERVE. It's not a delusion about starvation and it never was. STARVATION is how he CONTROLS SkyClan, and once again he's angry that his pleasure has been sullied.

The massacre at Fourtrees was started over Jackdaw's Cry catching a bat after being starved, on land that Clear Sky has decided RIGHT NOW that he also owns, because it mades him think about being disobeyed.

The bat is forgotten as Clear Sky pivots into a tantrum, wanting to make his family HURT for being 'disloyal' and 'ungrateful.' For leaving him. He LIKES seeing people grovel, cower, and beg, getting PLEASURE from watching how he can hurt and command other cats, and if you don't give him what he wants he will kill you.

Which, make no mistake, is what the "First Battle" actually is. Clear Sky attempting to murder those who don't worship him or swear their undying fealty to him and his twisted dictatorship. Particularly his own son, the most prominent victim of his emotional abuse.

It's not about the bat. It was never even about food or starvation. It's about retaliation for any perceived lack of control.

Once again he breaks out starvation rhetoric to try and manipulate someone, and when Rainswept Flower doesn't buy it just like Falling Feather didn't, he murders her in another fit of entitled rage.

Exoneration arc.

At the end of this battle that was entirely his own fault, we're introduced to the hollowed-out ghost of Storm. She has been flushed of all personality, so that she can be the perfect narrative mouthpiece.

She accepts yet another Fluttering Bird Invocation in spite of how we saw it's not sincere. He was lying the entire time and using starvation rhetoric as a manipulation tactic to get control over his victims.

And that's it.

That's the consequence. Storm's a little mad at him until he says "Buttering Flird" and she swoons.

He doesn't have to be ""afraid"" anymore because the cats just invented an afterlife to believe in. He keeps all of his power and influence and gets off scot-free, because "guilt" (which we SAW him repressing anyway) is supposed to be the best consequence for murder, abuse, and tyranny.

The husk of Storm even materializes again at the end of book 5 to say it outright; he "never drove anyone away." Not even after Book 4 where it's also his fault One Eye took over his Clan for 5 minutes. It was just destiny.

His "redemption arc" is just an exoneration arc. The narrative doesn't think he really did anything wrong.

EVERYTHING about Clear Sky has ALWAYS been about making grabs at power, but since the narrative didn't see a problem with him extorting his personal tragedy and the death of a child, his own sister, he continues doing it. As if these behaviors are normal personality 'traits'.

Even when that sister COMES OUT OF HEAVEN TO YELL AT HIM DIRECTLY,

He finds a way to COMPLETELY miss the point, so he can interpret her words in a bizarrely specific way that will conveniently end with him being the supreme dictator of the entire forest. Just like he ALWAYS does.

It's the entire 5th book. Clear Sky trying to convince everyone, including himself, that it's Fluttering Bird who wants him to grab at power, NOT himself and his own ambition, that THIS time, he promises, for realsies, it's actually about keeping everyone safe.

But just like ALWAYS, because he does not change, when this tried and true tactic manages to work on Thunder, during ANOTHER exchange where he's dramatically pausing and using the cold shoulder to make his pitiable act land harder,

He lapses right back into bullying his child, creating situations where Thunder will have difficulty or be put in pain, so that he can have an excuse to mock and belittle him.

And this all comes to a head when Clear Sky takes romantic interest in Star Flower, his abused son's previous romantic interest.

Predation: Star Flower is a replacement for his son.

Direct parallels are drawn between Thunder and Star Flower. Star Flower contrasts her loyalty to her father to Thunder's "disloyalty" to his own, in an appeal to Clear Sky.

Clear Sky brushes it off for now, citing that he cannot accept her because of who her father was.

But then, Thunder makes the connection between himself and her, because he knows what it is like to be a victim of parental abuse and correctly clocks that they have this in common,

On his vouch, Clear Sky accepts her into the group. She starts trying to offer himself to him; hunting twice as hard as the others, self-imposing harsh conditions like taking a wet sleeping spot. In their second interaction, Clear Sky begins to take interest in her.

Thunder himself points out that Star Flower is seeking an abusive tyrant to replace her own father, which reads like he's deflecting the stress of how his father is abusing him to deny a connection he already made. As if Thunder sees so much of himself in Star Flower that it makes him (rightly) feel sick that his father is romantically invested in her;

Thunder then goes on to follow his own advice and form his own Clan, because Clear Sky IS like One Eye... while Star Flower remains here. At Clear Sky's side. Because she feels like this is what she "deserves," that she "understands" him, truly believing that her crime (warning her father that Clear Sky brought an ambush in case he lost the 1 on 1 death match he requested, which he did) are on the same level as his abuse and murders.

Clear Sky is attracted to Star Flower because, in his own words;

She is young.

She will not betray him.

She won't question him,

and she obeys him.

We've seen what "betrayal" is to Clear Sky-- not taking his excuses or his beatings. To "disobey" is betrayal. To "question" is disobedience.

These are ALL things he's tried to drill into Thunder. We saw him happily exploit their difference in age to tell him he can't have an opinion. He constructed humiliating games in retaliation for ever being questioned. He tried to murder Thunder and his friends for their "betrayal." Even now, being disobeyed causes explosive reactions.

He was previously grooming the things he now identifies as attractive in a young woman into his child.

If your body becomes too useless to serve him, like Frost and Jagged Peak, you're thrown out. If you don't unquestioningly follow his bloody commands, like Falling Feather or Thunder, you're subjected to abuse and public humiliation. If you're in his way, like Misty or Rainswept Flower were, you die.

If you meet all of his expectations...

You will be in a horrific position where you will never have agency over your own life ever again. Every move, every word, will have to be carefully crafted so that he feels like you're "loyal" to him by the arbitrary standard he feels that day. Never step out of line, never doubt his decisions, never live for anyone except him and the children you will give him, not even for a moment, because then you will not be "worthy" of his grace.

Star Flower would be in serious danger if this series wasn't written by abuse apologists. They accidentally wrote a perfect reflection of how child abuse victims often find themselves in unsafe and toxic romantic relationships with large age gaps which mirror what they went through as kids; but this team doesn't clock it, playing this relationship as wholesome and genuine.

He finally has someone who ""understands"" him. Because they think the character they wrote is misunderstood.

but reality is plain to see.

Clear Sky is a monster. The most realistic monster in all of WC-- far, far closer to real life predators and domestic abusers than the "born evil" rogues like Slash and One Eye. The Erins seem to believe that what separates Clear Sky from One Eye is "fundamental" good and "fundamental" evil, when the truth is that they'd be separated by very, very little.

If they had realistic motivations, they would be exactly like the character their existence is meant to excuse.

Slash and One Eye HAD to be kept flat and one-dimensional. If the book was more earnest, the only difference between Clear Sky and One Eye would have been that One Eye is stronger. So strong that Clear Sky needed to manipulate the other groups into helping him.

While anyone can change, not everyone will, and Clear Sky has no reason to. He sees no consequences. He has everything he wants; power, a pretty and obedient young mate, and unchecked authority over a brainwashed forest cult. There is always a victim on a leash, a naive enabler, or a bunch of desperate and gullible marks somewhere in his proximity to bully into doing his dirtywork

Whether his "intentions" were sincere or not (evidence points towards not) at its root it was always about control. Power is something he perpetually keeps, and continues to violently use.

[vidavalor]

I think you're the fifth blogger I've seen mention Shax's thing for Crowley... I still can't see it even though I really want to 'cause I think it's hilarious... send help... 🤣🥲😔

I can try lol. Chocolate cake? *slices*

More fun with Shax and Crowley under the cut. We're also going to look at part of Gabriel & Sandalphon's visit to the bookshop in S1 for some bonus fun since it fit in here as it's a parallel scene.

TW: Brief mention of Sandalphon and his homophobia.

For the most part, Shax isn't really in love with Crowley... she's just got a Mr. Brown-level pash on the Crowley that Crowley projects. While Aziraphale hides that he's an angel from the human world so Mr. Brown only believes him to be human, Crowley hides the extent to which he's human and living like one from the demons in Hell. As a result, the demon pursuing him has got exactly one thing correct about Crowley-- that he's hot lol-- but Shax's opinions as to why only partially overlap with ours and Aziraphale's because Shax believes Crowley's big reputation. She doesn't know what we know about him or see him the way we do. Like Mr. Brown with Aziraphale, she exists in part to highlight how insular Crowley & Aziraphale's world of their life together is and how much they have to playact in their respective worlds to keep that secret life they have with one another private and intact.

Shax is a demon who loves being a demon. That's what makes her crazy to us. Most of the other demons we've met are just miserable, even if they're playing along, but Shax is a real go-getter. She's ambitious and she lives to serve their master Satan. She wants to be good at being a demon and she's in love with *Crowley* lol. To us, this seems bananas because ain't no demon ever hated being a demon more than Anthony Jemimah Crowley... but it's proof positive of how decent a job Crowley has been doing at projecting an air of general demonicness for the last six thousand years.

Crowley has been a prince of Hell forever. He's gotten the top jobs-- the stuff of Shax's dreams, really-- and was a particular favorite of Satan, whom Shax worships. He was basically Hell's resident rock star, breezing in every few months to give a demonic presentation and shoot the shit in Lord Beezlebub's office for a half-hour before taking off for Earth again. If you were Shax, spending literally *thousands of years* in that overstuffed, dark, actual hell hole, Crowley showing up must have been like a visit from sexy Santa Claus. Shax is one of those Effort-making demons and most of the demons in Hell are more terrifying than attractive, ok?... even if you find terrifying attractive, like Shax sorta does or at least thinks she ought to.

Who's going to light your fire down there? Hastur? He'd *literally* light you on fire....

We've seen Shax have to deal with misogyny in the workplace (ugh Demon Josh) and you know she never got any of that shit from Crowley. She probably mostly got a "Shaaaaax! How's it hangin'?" from Disco Tony, who was thrilled to have remembered her name this time. Shax was playing it evil demon lady cool on the surface but girl just wants to be first string for the finest demon in Hell and she was swooning internally every time Crowley swooped in to grace Hell with his presence for a hot minute.

There has been suggestion in the series that several demons that we know of from Bible lore are, in Good Omens, all actually Crowley, which furthers this idea of Crowley and his big reputation a bit. The show has actually already done this with a Biblical figure, in that Bildad the Shuite is an actual Biblical character that the show just made be actually the demon Crowley under a different name, so it would make sense that the reason why we haven't seen other famous demons from The Bible in the series are because they're actually Crowley.

One is canon, basically, which is Astaroth/Astoreth, since Crowley was Nanny Astoreth in S1 and I doubt he stole the name from another demon who exists in the GO universe. When Crowley tells Aziraphale he changed his name when they are watching Jesus' crucifixion, Aziraphale first posits two other demons' names and neither of them exist in GO universe to date but both are, lore-wise, powerful: Mephistopheles and Asmodeus. A lot of other great meta has been written about these choices-- in particular, how well Mephistopheles fits Crowley to a tee, which I really, really agree with. You could assume then that the reasons why more audience-known demons like Astoreth and Asmodeus have never shown up in GO-- and we've met the highest-ranking demons already-- is because they actually *have* and they're all just really Crowley.

In demon lore, Astaroth is part of the "evil trinity" with Beezlebub and Lucifer and is a high-ranking demon in Hell... as well as is basically a genderbent serpent goddess with Crowley traits... so safe to say that's one of Crowley's aliases. Crowley has also had his name of "Crowley" for thousands of years by S1 but when he's rolling up in The Bentley in 1.01, Ligur and Hastur clarify what Crowley's "calling himself up here these days", indicating that he might have gone by more names than we might have realized.

Asmodeus, as we all probably know by now, is the demon of lust. A French novel from the 18th century also popularized the idea of Asmodeus as a sort of Cupid, which also goes along with Crowley, who loves love and got genuine joy out of trying to set up Maggie and Nina. So... from Shax's perspective, why *wouldn't* you want Crowley? He's the fine as fuck, Serpent of Eden, legendary prince of fucking lust here lol.

Shax showed up to reclaim his apartment for Hell and you know she expected a scene the likes of which have not been seen on Earth since a post-concert hotel suite occupied by Led Zeppelin lol. She was expecting (fantasizing lol) about having to wade through a rock music blasting, orgiastic drug den to find Asmodeus in his sex dungeon of a bedroom, somewhere in the black silk sheets beneath three playthings.

You know she actually found Crowley, alone, having just finished vacuuming the most fastidiously clean flat this side of Heaven, fully dressed and watching Barefoot Contessa on his massive plasma screen while the only drugs being mixed were special-blend fertilizer for his houseplants. Ina was making Jeffrey red-wine braised short ribs and Crowley didn't say so to Shax, of course, but he's always on the lookout for something his angel might like for dinner. Hang on a second, Shax, gotta save this recipe to my favorites...

At least the black silk sheets were accurate? lol

What probably confuses Shax a little is that she's been meeting up with Crowley and she still wants him and badly, even as it's becoming increasingly clear that he's a bit more complicated than she thought he was. Technically, she should consider him a traitor because of how he betrayed their Master but he's hot, ok, and maybe it's a little sexy to be so bad that you'd defy Satan? (Aziraphale agrees lol.)

Shax has Mr. Brown-level fantasies about where this could go. Crowley was a favorite of Satan's and she can bring him back into the fold. She can heal him. Yeah, this lady demon has gone and got herself one of those 'I can fix him' disaster scenarios. She hates this for her too but she can't help it. He's so sexy. She's been in Hell for a long time. She's sleeping in the bed and showering in the tropical rainforest paradise dream shower of Asmodeus himself, ok?

She's undoubtedly tried to get him to stay. She's so offered for him to live with her in secret and Crowley nearly choked on the air he doesn't need to breathe trying not to laugh at the irony of that one. It's not Shax's fault that he's just not that into her. She's a bad bitch and everything. That's just not his thing. He's just the lonely GI who basically fell asleep during a performance of The Ladies of Camelot. He has always given off the impression that he's into everything there is to sell the whole 'demon of lust' thing but he's really not. Shax doesn't know that, though, because to know that is to know Crowley well and Shax does not.

Does Crowley know that Shax is into him? Yeah, he does.

Shax's thing for him is basically the same thing as when Crowley tries to make a phone call after having taken out the mobile phone network for miles. It's the oh, shit, right, that thing I did that's now fucking up my day in the present... He didn't lead her on specifically as much as he just gave off the vibe in general that he's this debauched, wild, so very wicked demon and, well... if your name is Aziraphale, that's not terribly inaccurate lol... but if it's not, then it's actually not true at all...

...and this is why Shax cannot for the fucking life of her figure out what the deal is with Crowley and this angel.

Yes, Shax is trying to goad Aziraphale into confirming that he has Gabriel in this scene but this scene also comes off as Shax so incredibly done with how jealous she is over this, in her eyes, ridiculous being, and she's bitchy as all fuck about it. There were other ways to crack at Aziraphale than over his relationship with Crowley and she goes at that hard. She calls The Bentley an old piece of junk when she's really clearly calling Aziraphale that and saying that she doesn't know why Crowley hasn't gotten "an upgrade" since, implying that she considers herself just the upgrade Crowley needs. She brings up 1941 via the rumors that she heard "80, 90 years ago" that Crowley and Aziraphale were "an item", which we know are at least partially derived from what happened with Furfur, who his Shax's closest friend and totally has tried to tell her that this thing she has for Crowley is hopeless because he's doing that angel, Shax. (Poor, pining Furfur lol.)

Shax knows somewhere that Furfur is probably correct but she's decided to pretend that it's Furfur's thing for her that could have caused him to misconstrue at least part of it, right, because the demon of lust only having eyes for one being, let alone that being being this angel, is absurd to her (even if she thinks she can tame him lol.)

Aziraphale is an angel, for one thing. The bastards who did this to The Fallen and who cast their Master to Hell. Their sworn, hereditary enemy. It was one thing when maybe the angel was a dalliance. Asmodeus, lonely and bored on Earth, tired of all the sex with the mortals, and so very bad that he could corrupt an angel. That's a little hot, actually, if you're Shax, but it's the fact that that... does not appear to be what this relationship is... that unsettles her.

During S2, Shax learns that Crowley has a permanent invite into and keys to the bookshop and that Aziraphale can drive Crowley's car to an extent that Shax even has to trick him to allow her to enter it. The angel really seems like he might be Crowley's partner, which would mean that this wasn't Crowley fucking an angel on a whim in 1941 but that Hell's wild prince of lust has actually secretly been in a romantic relationship with Aziraphale for at least, to Shax's knowledge, almost a century.

The purported baddest demon that ever demoned, shy of the literal devil, is apparently mad for this fusty angel and Shax just cannot get it, ok?

Crowley is a a broody, black-clad rock star and Aziraphale is this twee little bookselling angel to her. Shax thinks maybe this was all part of Crowley's breakdown or something and she's Mr. Brown so she hasn't given up hope here, not for most of S2, but she's mostly been trying to figure out how to get Crowley's attention and that's the funniest part of her whole pash, imo.

Shax has no idea what Crowley is into. She can't figure this out to save her life.

She has no idea that it's over before it started because she is just not what primes the engine of Crowley's star factory over here. It's not personal. He just doesn't have a shred of sexual interest in her. Gabriel is getting more action from Crowley this season and he tried to murder him lol. Crowley's spent millennia cultivating a persona of a sex god and now he's got to live with it and he's just praying he never finds out anything she's fantasizing about him because he shudders at the thought of whatever she envisions them getting up to.

Look at what Shax is wearing when she comes to Earth to meet with Crowley, for one of the more hilarious things...

In Hell, Shax wears modern clothes. When she comes to Earth to meet Crowley in the year 2023, she wears a vintage-inspired outfit that is spanning the mid-1930s through WW2 in style (the era she knows he was involved with Aziraphale, who is her main point of reference for what attracts Asmodeus over here lol)... and the dress has the biggest damn bow ever seen. You could see that bow from space. It's like she's trying desperately to figure out what turns Crowley on and so far she's come up with well, he drives an old car and he's rolled that angel so he likes... old things... vintage clothes, like the angel's. She's trying to out-bow-tie Aziraphale.

Now that Shax can spend time with Crowley alone and the possibility of seducing him is ever-present (lolololol), she's spending time trying to figure out what turns on the prince of lust. She's trying to get Crowley's demonically lustful attention and she's reduced to bow ties, okay, take pity on her... she's just like I don't know what his deal with these are, exactly, as it seems kind of specific... but he can unwrap me anytime if that's his thing...

Then, there's that she's sitting too close to him on the park bench and raking her eyes over him while he's sprawling on it. He's not sprawling in a way meant to be enticing. He's actually mid-existential crisis here but that's fine by Shax. She likes 'em a little dark.

My favorite, though, is a scene that actually parallels S1 in a hilarious way and that's from the hot water boiler scene in the other meta that prompted the ask here but isn't a bit that I mentioned in that one.

As Crowley goes back into the bookshop (and he'd never been happier to be on the other side of that threshold in his life lol), Shax is then as physically close to him as she's ever been. If you notice, she actually inhales twice. The first is a regular breath-- which demons don't technically need to take but yeah lol-- and her expression is all oh Satan, he smells amazing and then she straight up sniffs the air as he opens the door. Girl is huffing her fill over here for those shower fantasies for months to come lol. Crowley knows it as his eyebrows are in his hair as he's turning back around like he's all did she seriously just *sniff* me? ugh...

Shax knows Crowley saw her (honestly, probably also *heard* her... Shax, love, a little subtlety wouldn't kill you...) so she covers it up by pretending like she smelled Gabriel in the bookshop. You smelled the archangel in there, huh, Shax? When you can't get through the door? When Gabriel is the same species as Aziraphale, whose bookshop this is, so this can't be some kind of angel-scent you're claiming you noticed here? lol This then parallels and adds to this Sandalphon scene in S1:

I know there's some debate about if there's such thing as an angelic or a demonic smell but I've actually always taken it to be that there isn't. It would seem to me that it would be hard for them to blend in on Earth if there was and if the demonic one was something off-putting to humans, at least. I think most of us, though, do believe that the "evil" Sandalphon is smelling in the backroom is Crowley but considering that the comment comes from Sandalphon, who is introduced to us with reference to his smiting of people in Sodom and Gomorrah, it honestly just comes off that Sandalphon is a raging homophobe and I've actually always taken that as the reason why Gabriel is here in this scene in the first place.

Absolutely nothing happens in this scene. It's a routine checkup. What is the Supreme Archangel of Heaven doing there? Why is he blowing so much smoke up Sandalphon's ass the whole time? It's kind of like he saw that Michael or someone had assigned Sandalphon to do a checkup of sorts on Aziraphale-- or Sandalphon had assigned himself-- and Gabriel pretended that he wanted to see in person how "the great Sandalphon" worked so that he could tag along and make sure that Sandalphon didn't bother Aziraphale. We also learn that Aziraphale hasn't seen Sandalphon in a long time and I'd bet that Gabriel is responsible for that. Gabriel's 'whatever, idgaf' response to Aziraphale's Jeffrey Archer books comment is so... Gabriel hadn't the first clue who Jeffrey Archer is or why his books would be evil lol. He could have easily further encouraged Sandalphon's pursuit of the "evil" scent. He didn't because he could care less what Aziraphale does in the backroom of his bookshop. If anything, he's jealous of him for having found a way to have some freedom and privacy. Gabriel is queer-- he is like Aziraphale. He's just closeted in S1. He's looking out for Aziraphale here by using his power to shut down Sandalphon and then "you can't have a war without war omg wow you are a poet!" him out of there as fast as is possible. If there truly was an 'evil'/'demonic' smell, Gabriel should have been able to smell it, too, and he doesn't. If he did, he wouldn't have been able to subtly shut down Sandalphon the way he did.

So, Sandalphon isn't smelling a demon. He's smelling another man. The "evil" is that Sandalphon can smell remnants of another cologne that isn't Aziraphale's in the backroom of Aziraphale's bookshop and Sandalphon is a homophobe, so he's implying that Aziraphale having sex and with a man is 'evil', even if there's no direct evidence here of that, just the implication of it.

This then would mean that Shax can't actually smell Gabriel in the bookshop in S2. Like Sandalphon, she's pretending to have a supernatural sense of scent but she's really just smelling Crowley. While Sandalphon was repulsed by the idea of Aziraphale's bookshop backroom having the scent of a man, Shax is just inhaling that same being's scent because omfg. so. good....

...something she can't stand that she has in common with that bastard angel, Aziraphale, who is actually allowed to breathe Crowley in anytime he wants... it's just ridiculous to her. Why the fuck does that beige bookseller get to have the sex god of Shax's dreams in his bed and she doesn't? What could Crowley possibly find attractive about him? That she doesn't know and can't really figure it out shows how little she really knows Crowley and also how little imagination she really has.

[meanbossart]

Lore Ask Compilation: "Every Other Question Is About The Drow's Dick" edition

Oh I LOVE Minthara, her dialogue is absolutely fascinating and in my opinion some of the best written In the game. Experiencing her in my Evil Durge playthrough without having been spoiled to her companion scenes prior was great - the amount of depth they managed to add to her, without it at all feeling forced or rushed, and considering how much less time she gets to develop at our side is really well done. While nearly everyone's quests had me immersed, she was one of the few characters who really made me pause and think about the things she had to say to me, what she truly meant by them, and what they meant for me as an avatar doing an evil run.

We have a lot of characters in this game that are meant to be full of wisdom and experience, who are meant to be the ones who say the right thing at the right time that inspires us to make the correct choices, but I don't think either Halsin or Jaheira (and I love Jaheira) made me feel like I knew so little about life quite as Minthara did.

And, of course, she's absolutely hysterical. 10/10 I wish she had a proper companion quest past being rescued but I understand why she doesn't.

[MORE ASKS UNDER THE CUT]

It doesn't connect to the urethra since the slit in on top, so he nuts and pisses normal.

Also you 100% are not sorry, stop lying to me.

Man, I thought a lot about this one because I play so fast and loose with the content the game gives us that I'm positive there must be SOMETHING I'm completely disregarding, but I couldn't think of anything! I've chosen to pick slightly less obvious interpretations to some lines and text but nothing that completely deviates from canon, I don't think. If anyone has noticed something I neglected to mention, feel free to let me know - not because I want to revise it, but just because I'm curious!

For the second part of the question, not really. Larian did a great job of giving us plenty of room to play around in the dark urge's background, I think I'm yet to see something that I find to truly "not fit" in the ample freedom they've given us. I have my preferences, of course - I'm shocked to find that most dark urge's are NOT big hulking beasts, for example - in fact that seems to be the minority by far, but I realize that I have my... Uh... Biases.

You can see a cute little divot through the fabric if you look closely LOL

And nah, I think his penis has seen enough sharp points for a lifetime.

Well.

Unless someone decided to add some bite-marks to it.

HMMM, I... Don't think so.

He didn't cry as a baby, he didn't cry as a child (and this isn't something I just decided on now - this is a major reason why his foster drow mother even kept him around) he didn't really cry growing up or at any point during the campaign. I think he is capable of it - sadness in him just tends to be far more confusing a feeling than anything else.

He will have emotional moments in ANE, whether or not that will culminate in crying is something you will have to wait to find out LOL

Astarion has noticed this and just took it as a character trait - the drow doesn't cry, he just gets confused, angry, frustrated or simply bottles it up. While he can be demanding of his emotional maturity, he isn't going to try and dictate how he should experience his own feelings. If it did happen it would definitely catch him majorly off-guard, perhaps even shift the perception he has of him to a certain extent.

Oh my god you just know they All managed to be utterly quiet about it for as long as humanly (and unhumanly) possible until like, I don't even know, halfway through the Shadow-cursed lands where one day Karlach finally turns back to the group around the campfire after a half-nude drow has strut past and she's like "SO

"DOES ANYONE KNOWS WHY HIS DICK HAS A SNATCH"

And Wyll is like :0... Karlach you can't just ask people that.

And then she pointedly turns to Astarion and starts trying to interrogate him on how it works while Gale covers his ears and Shadowheart is like:

This is gonna blow you guys backwards but he does not do those things in front of people and thinks its rude if you do.

HMMM Mostly physically but it's a little subtle. He really enjoys interacting with Astarion's (and previously Orin's) hands - kissing, holding, caressing. Touching hair and faces as well. He can engage in more overt physical affection but usually Astarion has to be the one to initiate.

A disarmingly earnest proclamation of love and adoration here and there as well - he isn't shy in the slightest to tell people how he feels about them, he just isn't constantly reminding them of it unless inspiration strikes.

Most of all I think he expects his loved-ones to see his care for them in his tendency to go out of his way to help them achieve their goals.

He went with them to the Shadow-cursed lands but I never helped him fix the curse, so he stayed behind when the gang went onwards to the city. DU Drow didn't really like him so it was good-riddance as far as he was concerned.

If he had come along and propositioned him during act 3 - uh, you know the really mean rejection line you have as a choice during that dialogue? Yeah, that one lmao.

Alas, DU drow is just monogamous. He could entertain group-sex with a partner for fun at the most, but not ever a third person in the relationship. And In my personal interpretation (but by all means - everyone else have fun with their poly arrangements!) of Astarion and his delivery of the "this is about Halsin" line, I also thought he was lying about being comfortable with it, so I write him as monogamous as well.

Nothing. Nada. Not a thing. Say what you'd like about Bhaal but he sure knows how sculpt them out of his murder-meat.

(Thank you!!!)

[nobody-nexus]

TADC AU Theme Songs! Cause Why Not?

I'll be saying the AU, sending the link, and @ing the person who owns the AU as well as gives my reasonings for the theme song. I just think giving some love to AUs would be cool!

Carnival AU - Belonging to @sm-baby - Puppets Never Die Why?: Honestly it's about two people working together to leave a harmful situation and everyone's trying to stop them- it's legit THE plot of this AU. That, plus the voices fit the characters

Freakshow AU - Belonging to @hootbon - Freak Show (PI3RCE) Why?: I legit was listening to this at a grocery store and I was just thinking about this AU listening to it. Aside from the name, it feels like it's trying to lure Freakshow!Pomni into a false sense of security

Horror Circus AU - Belonging to @thc-au - HEAVEN SAYS (MM) Why?: It has the energy of THC!Pomni taunting Caine alongside the other horror circus cast and I adore every moment of that energy. She HAS that mocking energy of "Lmao try to beat us YA CAN'T"

Circus of Hell AU - Belonging to @circus-of-hell - Uh Oh! Why?: It's about making mistakes and calling out being a liar, and although I dunno a LOT about the AU cause I didn't make it, I do know that this seems to be the vibes from this AU so yeah why not?

Corruption AU - Belonging to @rabid-mercenary15 - Sleepwalk Why?: The part of this song that goes 'then it becomes a problem' for some reason gives off SUCH 'the others corrupting' vibes, also it's almost like this is a way to narrate Zooble and Pomni surviving

Ragamaster AU - Belonging to @milezperprower - Happy Face Why?: From the information that I know, this song is fucking PERFECT- specifically for Ragatha in this AU herself. Smile through the pain while being a bitchy girlboss as they say <333

Terrible Circus AU - Belonging to @obamerzslop - Shit Why?: Although it's more of a comedic option, I feel like this song literally just fits the entire vibe of the AU- as if "POV you're in the terrible circus and you hate it here" kind of song- thus why it's here

That's all that ones I thought of! If I think of more, I shall update this! For now, have a nice day! And for those who own the AUs I mentioned, I REALLY HOPE I got the vibes down cause honestly I've been wanting to do this for a while and uhhhh yeah sorry for bothering you with this it's been in my head for days now and I wanted to get it out and into the world

Have a lovely day folks ^^

[highseas-swede]

Aziraphale and Trauma

[Just a note that I initially wrote this in response to this post: https://www.tumblr.com/theangelyouknew/732357015604756480?source=share&ref=_tumblr which is full of insightful info. I'm reposting my response here with some minor edits so it's easier to find in tags.]

This is something I actually find interesting within the fandom, because there seems to be this weird divide in fandom when it comes to Aziraphale.

See, I love Aziraphale. I think he's an amazing and well nuanced character, but a lot of the time fandom boils him down into this really simple version of himself. This happens both with people who dislike him and claim he's a bad person as well as with those who want to soften him up and make him more palatable. Aziraphale isn't the only one who has trouble with black and white thinking here!

Things like Coffee Theory remove Aziraphale's agency because the thought of Aziraphale doing something to hurt Crowley deliberately is something they can't stomach. If Aziraphale is acting under some kind of major magical influence, it means that it's possible to brush over the fact that he can - and has - hurt Crowley in the past and it certainly hasn't always been accidental.

There's a lot of Psychology I could touch on here, but it's honestly such a complicated topic that I don't really feel I can do it justice attached to a completely different topic.

But one thing I do want to touch on a bit is how Aziraphale asserts control in his own life via his connection with Crowley, and that touches on something equally complicated, which is something that's probably hard to understand.

Abuse victims are often manipulative.

I don't mean this at all as some kind of slight or insult. I've been an abuse victim myself and it's one reason I know it's true.

Fandom talks a lot about Crowley's trauma and he's got loads, to be sure. I think of that meme about "this bad boy can fit a lot of trauma" and it's very true. I've even seen people mention that Aziraphale has a different kind of Trauma than Crowley, which is also true.

What I haven't seen is someone addressing that the type of religious trauma is a form of CPTSD. CPTSD or "Complex PTSD" is a very specific form of PTSD. PTSD is characterized as being the result of a traumatic event - Crowley's fall, for example, is a good example of PTSD and I can go into that at some point. CPTSD is different because it's not a singular event, it's the result of being in a constant high stress situation. A lot of abuse victims - especially those abused by parental figures or significant others - have this form of PTSD.

A good way to see the difference is in comparing how they relate to their trauma. When Crowley thinks he's lost Aziraphale in S1, it sends him into a spiral. But importantly we see that this traumatic event is causing Crowley to go back to another traumatic event in time, triggering his memories of his fall. This emphasizes how much Crowley's fall defines his trauma. We rarely see him experiencing trauma at the hands of Hell, as he's mostly allowed freedom to handle his job on earth the way he wants.

https://cptsdfoundation.org/ defines CPTSD as "the results of ongoing, inescapable, relational trauma. Unlike Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Complex PTSD typically involves being hurt by another person. These hurts are ongoing, repeated, and often involving a betrayal and loss of safety."

In humans, this is caused by having no sense of safety in key moments of development. It strips away sense of self, sense of worth and really any agency. We even see the angels using direct gaslighting tactics on Aziraphale in S2, which I'm surprised doesn't get mentioned more often: When they come to the bookshop looking for Gabriel, they mention Gabriel and then almost immediately when Aziraphale asks "you were looking for Gabriel", Uriel outright says a line that goes something like "Did we say we were looking for Gabriel?", leading Aziraphale to fumble and try to remember if they did, in fact, say that at some point (they did).

So, one big thing to know about CPTSD and this kind of abuse related trauma is that learning to lie and be manipulative is often what people have to do to survive. Children with abusive parents will learn how to be manipulative in order to get what they need or avoid losing things they need.

We see this with Aziraphale, time and time again. He could just ASK Crowley for things he wants. A lot of people point out that he could ask and that Crowley would probably give in to him most of the time anyway. But that's not how it works in an abusive home. Instead, Aziraphale maneuvers Crowley into situations where Crowley is forced to give him what he needs or wants.

His lack of agency, as a result of his CPTSD, is also why he needs to be worked into making decisions that he already knows - or at least suspects - are right. That's why they have their little dance every time Crowley has to talk Aziraphale into something by finding the right way to frame it so it makes sense with Aziraphale's strict rule structure. These rules exist as a defensive mechanism too. Having rules makes it easier to figure out how to avoid being hurt and Aziraphale cannot simply step outside the rules because it's Not Safe. Not even with someone he trusts as much as Crowley.

The entire apology dance scene stands out for a few reasons. Everything Aziraphale does in the entire scene is an act that allows him to take control of the situation. He's already won, so to speak, because Crowley is back and Crowley is going to do what he wants. The apology is unnecessary on every level.

This post talks about how uncomfortable Crowley has to be sharing a space with Gabriel. Gabriel is with the abusive team, whether or not he was directly involved with Crowley's fall. Crowley also harbors a severe distress and mistrust of Gabriel because of Gabriel's attempts to destroy Aziraphale, the most important person to Crowley. But it's worth noting that Aziraphale is uncomfortable too.

Another good indicator of how stressed Aziraphale is with all this is that he doesn't eat ANYTHING when Gabriel is in the shop. The only food he consumes in modern era is when he's in the Bentley which is a "safe" space. Gabriel constantly hounded Aziraphale over eating and despite offering Gabriel hot chocolate, we don't see him partaking himself. He does briefly drink to demonstrate how "drinking tea" works for Muriel, but he doesn't seem to drink from his cup at all after demonstrating.

The bookshop is also Aziraphale's safe space, his ONLY safe space - Crowley still technically has the Bentley, and honestly I feel like Aziraphale wanting to borrow the Bentley is actually partially because he needs to get away from Gabriel and the Bentley is the only place that feels safe for him at the moment. Shax ruins any illusion of safety for him, but Aziraphale is much more enthused for his trip in ep3 and a fair amount of it is because he's not trapped with Gabriel.

A small note here, as a thought occurs to me. Aziraphale asserting that the Bentley is "our car" is probably mostly for himself. He's trying to realign his thinking to make the Bentley an acceptable "safe space" for himself prior to the trip.

There is a very different relationship dynamic when it comes to Gabriel and Aziraphale because Gabriel is the constant source of Aziraphale's trauma. He's Aziraphale's superior, the one he has to report to, the one who passes down his missions and his punishments. When Aziraphale takes Gabriel in, he's just invited his former abuser of over 6000 years into his safe haven. This is a hugely uncomfortable thing for an abuse survivor.

Worst of all, because Jim is, for all intents and purposes, NOT Gabriel, Aziraphale can't bring himself to lash out at his former abuser the way he wants to.

That brings us back to this apology scene.

There are two major things going on here and both of them are bad and hurtful toward Crowley. They're also both intensely unfair. I love Aziraphale but this was definitely a dick move.

Firstly: Aziraphale is using Crowley to reassert a sense of control over the situation because he is spiraling. He can't assert control over his life and his shop, which is one thing that he falls back on heavily, and that leaves him scrambling to find somewhere where he can control his situation. He makes Crowley go through this whole unnecessary apology and dance routine because it makes him feel like he has control over SOMETHING in his life right now.

Secondly: Aziraphale is also enacting his own trauma on Crowley. He's treating Crowley the way Heaven treats him. This is a direct parallel to the way Crowley terrorizes his house plants because he can't do anything to the people who actually caused his trauma. This is, obviously, wildly unfair of Aziraphale to do - and I'm fairly sure there are other small moments where Aziraphale does this in a mild way, I'd have to rewatch again.

These are both behaviors common in CPTSD caused by environments that apply this constant state of stress.

I'm not going to say it's right, or that Aziraphale isn't being a bit of a bastard in this moment - he absolutely is - but this behavior does have some obvious triggers that might be easy to overlook. It's just important to understand that Aziraphale is falling into self-preservation habits that are actively detrimental to his relationship with Crowley. It's not just the manipulation, he's also hiding things and lying to Crowley when he really shouldn't be - both things often necessary in abusive environments - but he's doing it because that's the method that he's created that works with his abusive relationship in Heaven and he's falling back on it because he feels unsafe. The trouble is, this survival tactic does not work with Crowley and actively makes things worse because it shuts down open communication entirely.

[mandaplease10]

A Polin Take Nobody Asked For #1

Here I'll be yapping about different things I've noticed from Polin's Story in the Bridgerton Series. Don't know how many parts this will be, but here goes the first!

Colin's Fake Persona

Most of us (with media literacy) realize that the Colin when see in the beginning of season 3 is not the real Colin. He has traveled and returned to the Ton with this new personality to try and fit into society and the other men.

Many have stated that this is because he acts this way (flirting, brothel visits, etc) because he is simply mimicking the actions of the other gentleman and his own brothers. This all makes sense and it is a very good take, but then I took a deep dive and came up with this.

What if the reasoning behind this new Colin is actually because of Pen and what happened last season.

Let me explain:

We learn from Colin that Pen didn't respond to his letters while he was away despite him constantly writing to her. It is never really mentioned or inferred that he stopped writing to her due to her non replies, so it seems like he had hope that she would respond one day.

Now, we know that Pen and Colin have always remained in touch whenever he was gone away based on previous seasons, which meant that he always had Pen to rely on to share his adventures with through his letters and still had a piece of home with him by reading her letters.

Fast forward to him returning this year and despite this new personality he still seeks out Pen. When he greets his family, he instantly looks around for Pen because she has always been there with his family when he returned in the past. Once he realizes she's not there, he glances over towards her house, as a reflex.

Then at the debutante event he seeks her out again and when he finds her can't wait to see and talk to her. In his mind, he thinks everything is okay and they'll jump right back into their old friendship.

But then she keeps their conversation short and he realizes that something is different with Pen. At this point he thinks it is from whatever is going on between Pen and Eloise, which could also not be helping the case, but isn't really the main reason.

Then we see their next interaction at the ball and once again, Colin seeks her out. He notices her when she walks in and even looks towards her direction once more even after everyone else has moved on. He again, notices that she leaves and is upset, despite being surrounded by the Fife and his friends and trying to keep up with the persona, he has to check on Penelope.

It's in this moment he finds out about why Pen is upset with him and as soon as he realizes this, that previous act, falters and he wishes to make things right, but Pen won't have it and walks away.

It's looking back at his words in this moment mixed with what we learn from his journal entry and just the overall arc of his character in these four episodes that got me thinking.

We hear from Colin that he missed Pen because she never responded to his letter. He missed their connection, their friendship, their conversation, his feeling of home, etc. So, while on his travels, he decided to seek out such a connection in the only way he knew how and that was by taking on the rake persona because that's the only gentlemen experience he knew.

I mean think about it, he was very young when his father died and we don't really know if Edmund had his own rakish days since he and Violet fell in love so young, so he only has his brothers to look up to as well as the rest of the rake bros in the ton.

Yet, we also know despite him taking on this new personality and action, he never did find that connection or fill the longing he was feeling from missing Penelope. The only reason why he keeps up with this act for so long is because he finally was feeling accepted by everyone, even his own family, so he felt like this was who he was supposed to be.

But when he realizes that what he feels for Penelope isn't just platonic love or feelings, he slowly starts to take off the mask and become the person he really is because Penelope accepts him.

Honestly, there is more I could say about this one topic, but this is already long enough. Ha

P.S. I will add that I really would love a prequel about Violet and Edmund. I know that Julia Quinn doesn't want to write it because of Edmund dying, but I still think Shonda and Netflix could do a similar spin off like Queen Charlotte where it's not their whole story, just the beginning. I definitely think Colin is similar to Edmund and it would be lovely to see any parallels between Edmund/Violet and Colin and Penelope 's love story.

[roxtron]

Day 5: Rabbit, Reclaim

AGJGDFJF FINALLY IT'S DAY 5 SO I CAN POST THIS

For some reason everytime i draw him he looks so young because i'm accidentally overcorrecting since i'm used to drawing older characters. So unfortunately he looks way younger than i meant him to lol, whoops.

But wait there's more- AHAHAHA

While I did initially plan this for GGY week I eventually got the idea to use this as an excuse to draw other GGY designs, soo..

(Not sure why tumblr formatted it that way with 1 of them big but it doesn't matter lol)

I've been wanting to do this for a while, I put the tags of each person next to their design but ofc I'm still gonna tag them in the post itself so you can see their art for yourself if you haven't already. But I enjoyed each of these in their own ways so if you don't mind I think I'm gonna type a bit of text next to them..

@chipistrate This was one of the first I drew out of these, the design was pretty fun to draw but sorry if I messed up a few details, it was a bit difficult lol. The mask and goggles are really fun to draw and they make for a cool design, along with all the glowing blue. (and yes, I tried to subtly include the heelies lol)

@lunzi0 This was the first fursuit one I did lol. I adore the little stars in the design, they personalize it so well and make it really unique. I wanna try this design again since I feel like the other ones show my improvement a bit better, but I hope you can appreciate the effort I put in on my first attempt <3

@carouselrabbit This one was really fun to draw, I absolutely love the eye shape/lashes, it stands out and I always love drawing eyes with a bit of eyeliner lol, the daycare theme legwarmers is a cool nod to the balloon boy arcade machine being connected to them, and was just a fun addition in general lol, I like the style of legwarmers what can I say, fnaf changed my fashion sense a bit. also the subtle paraells to freddy's design is a nice way to connect a bit to gregory himself.

@puhpandas I can't remember if I talked about this design last time I drew it but, overall I'm really happy with how this came out, it's such an indicator of improvement since I started drawing this and I'm glad I was able to draw it better than last time lol. All the patchwork and similarities to Vanny's suit work really well, and the rabbit you chose to base it off of was a good fit, the colors make it a bit more difficult to shade for but i like detail lol, hope you like it too :)

@dykevanny I knew I wanted to do this since I started but I wasn't sure if I'd have time, and I'm glad I did! I hope you don't mind I combined aspects from the first design I saw and the second one you replied to my ask with, I liked the big purple sleeves lol. (I just realized after doing all the shading I forgot to include the oil splatter on his jacket, sorry!) It was definitely a bit difficult due to the head shape being so different but.. fluffy. i love drawing fluff. And the glowing swirl on the goggles, the shape of the ears, I love a lot about this design. :D

I have a hard time with writing compliments but I wanted to get some of those thoughts out, some of the things I like about these designs apply to multiple lol. I adore every one of these designs but I find it hard to put into words what I enjoy about them, hope the original creators are happy with these. <3

I also kept the ggys without as much lighting effects on a separate file, I felt like I should add them since they're a bit brighter lol, makes them look different.

Okay now that I've gotten all that- Sorry this post is so long! I didn't think it'd end up taking up so much space lol. Buut.. working on this drawing and thinking about it and potential context behind it gave me an au idea for it, but I'll put it under the cut since I understand most people probably won't care and just wanna see the drawings lol.

Idk if I'm confident enough to write for it but I'll give a bit of a summary.. I'll keep it under the cut for people who aren't interested and just wanna see the art though lol.

After the main events of SB and Ruin, now that the mimic's been set free, Cassie's taken control of by what's left of Vanny, using her as a new host. But with Cassie being the only human left alive down there, after being reawakened, Dr. Rabbit has nowhere left to go but back to his old host.

Vanessa, Freddy, and Gregory hadn't gone back to the Pizzaplex after ruin, but they were trying to figure out a plan to get Cassie back safely. One night after Freddy and Gregory disappear, Vanessa leaves to go find them. As dangerous as the pizzaplex is, it's her best guess for where they might've gone. She doesn't want to think about what could've happened to them, in denial for the worst case scenario. She tries to keep herself calm by telling herself they probably just left to go back for Cassie, maybe they didn't want her stopping them.. but deep down she knows it can't be that simple. She knows something's off, even if she's not ready to admit it.

When returning to the pizzaplex, she brought along her own V.A.N.N.I. mask, though unlike the one Cassie used, it was clear of the mimic's influence. After all, she was going to need some way to travel through potential blocked routes.

By the time she found Gregory, she'd still been wearing the mask, seeing him down the end of a dark hallway. He looked confused, afraid, his mind was a wreck of conflicting emotions. She started rushing towards him, happy to see him okay, until he finally spoke.

"You need to get out of here."

She stepped back, taking off the mask, only to be faced with the worst case scenario.

It was a wreck, covered in stains and tears, but it was still recognizable. He was wearing that old suit again.

As he waved, she could see Freddy's claws peeking out from the doorway, as the two stepped closer towards her.

So, she did what he told her to do, and started running. She could hear a faint voice coming from the mask, and put it back on before finding somewhere she could hide.

It was his voice again, telling her which way to go.

I guess that was the dramatic way to summarize the main idea behind it, lol. Basically Gregory and Dr. Rabbit work the way Sun and Moon work in Ruin, whichever one is in control in the real world, the other is left behind in the AR world. Or at least that's my interpretation of how they worked, considering Sun was always in mask-on scenes and moon was mask-off. I'm not too sure where the plot might go from there, and maybe I'll consider writing for it, I dunno. I've never wrote fanfic before because I get deadly afraid of writing them out of character lol, but maybe?? I have ideas for scenes and premise and stuff but I don't know if I have the confidence to write it.

But anyway! That was just more of a fun side-idea I came up with while working on this, if you read this far thanks, hope you enjoyed :)

here's some silly little lineless doodles as a reward for making it to the end hehe

now that's what I call an art dump

@ggyweek2024

[balis77]

Limbus Faust Theory Time

Ok, so I've been thinking about this for a while. Ever since someone on Limbus' TvTropes page pointed out some Faust (Book) symbolism in Faust's base ego I've had this big fucking theory about Faust that I already know can't be confirmed until her Canto. And considering that (By the current order) that's gonna take like 2 years, I'm just gonna say it now.

Faust is actually a clone of the original Faust.

My evidence

Faust's symbol is a Flask. Now while Play!Faust (and the actual guy he was partially based on) was an alchemist, a flask specifically is a symbol of one character in the whole book/play; the Homunculus. The Homunculus is born as a small flame inside of a glass flask (And yes this is what Father from FMA's initial form was based on), created by Faust's (pre-deal with the devil) assistant Wagner who wishes to see the world. To this end, the Homunculus accompanies Faust and Mephistopheles to a Walpurgis Night (Sound familiar?) where they discover the wonders of nature. At the end of their segment, they shatter their flask and become one with the ocean.

It's weird that Project Moon would give Faust, based on a character who's literally the namesake for the term Faustian bargain, a symbol based on the flask instead of say, a demon. Not to mention Faust's sword saying Walpurgisnacht and her association with the in-game event. Unless of course, Faust isn't supposed to represent Faust himself, but rather the Homunculus. And that word almost universally regarded as a term for an artificial approximation of a human.

Every base EGO (Other than Rodion and Mersault for whatever reason) has a shadow across it that correlates to their respective Sinner's backstory in some way. Of the ones we have so far; Yi Sang's is a wing (Representing the wings he saw on his other self in the mirror and his status as a wing asset), Ishmael's is an anchor (Her previous status as a sailor and metaphorically her weighing herself to getting revenge on Ahab), Gregor's is a bunch of grasping hands (His experiences during the Smoke war), and Sinclair's is a tree with a snake going around it (Representing the temptation Kromer gave him that he gave into, which resulted in his family being slaughtered by her).

Faust's base EGO has the shadow of three separate people standing around her. Going off the original story, these would correlate to Faust, Wagner, and Mephistopheles standing around the Homunculus' flask. This is the specific bit pointed out by TvTropes that gave birth to this whole theory.

The abnormality EGO each character gets also tends to relate to them in some way, on a similar level to how each EGO used in a realization in Library of Ruina represented certain experiences. For example, as of the time of this writing Ishmael has Roseate Desire, Blind Obsession (Both relating to obsession and refusal to let go), Capote (Blind rage), and Ardor Blossom Star (Guidance or the lack thereof without a goal).

Faust's current EGO as of this writing include 9:2 (Forbidden knowledge), Telepole (experimentation), Hexnail (Abandonment), and Fluid Sack (Lack of direction), which in my opinion fits more with a creation trying to find their purpose in life after being free of their creator than someone willing to sell their soul for infinite knowledge.

It's mentioned that Faust rarely sleeps, and she rarely seems to be as affected by things like motion sickness or exhaustion as the other Sinners, which points towards her having some kind of inherent enhancement in some way.

The backstory of the homunculus matches with a shared desire among a lot of the other Sinners who we do know the backstory of; namely the idea of exploring the world and finding people you can truly call companions along the way.

Now, why do I think Faust is specifically a clone of the original and not say, a lab-created experiment? Well:

When we see Yi Sang's flashback to him agreeing to join the Company, we see him being recruited by someone who has to be Faust. She has the same voice actor and character name color... except we also never see her face, and the figure notably isn't identified as Faust and is instead credited as ???. Not only does the game usually explicitly identify a character as long as they've been properly introduced, but even the "But Yi Sang didn't know who it was at the time" doesn't work considering he's remembering and knows who Faust is now.

Faust is Sinner #2 instead of Sinner #1. While we can't be certain that Sinner numbers are based on recruitment order (Though there does seem to be some precedence in that Heathcliff seems to have been around when Ishmael was recruited, and he's #7 to her #8, and #10 Dante may have been recruited in their original self before Sinclair, Outis, and Gregor and simply never introduced to the group) it's odd that someone who otherwise acts as the head of the company (Recruiting Vergilius and Yi Sang, making the bus, etc.) would only be #2. In fact it's odd for that person to be in the field in the first place.

We know cloning is possible in the City, enough so that the Head outright has a law governing it. Namely, that only one copy of a person can exist within the City after week's time period. Note how that's worded. Only one copy of a person can exist within the City after a week's time period.

Conveniently, we now know the inner workings of the bus just so happen to have a portal that leads to different parts of the Outskirts.

Faust has a habit of referring to herself in third person, but she's a bit inconsistent about it. In fact, a lot of the time it happens when she's boasting of knowledge specifically. But maybe she's not saying things in third person. Maybe she's intentionally saying "Faust is a well-renowned genius" instead of "I am a well-renowned genius".

Faust being a clone would also fit with who actually runs the company itself. It doesn't seem to be the Purple Tear (The three who attack Dante in the prologue seem to be her agents) and Faust is the one who seems to give everyone instructions, including both Dante and Vergilius, yet there has to be someone coordinating all the other aspects of the company like arranging travel and the Before and After teams. But maybe it is Faust doing everything. Just not the same Faust we're interacting with.

To sum it up, I think Faust is the one running the company, but not the same Faust who's part of the Sinners. I think she made a clone of herself, imparting all her knowledge into it before going to the Outskirts to run the company from there (Just like how Ayin and Carmen had their original facility there), leaving the clone to fulfill its own desire to see the world and also take the risk involved with becoming a Sinner in her place. The reason Vergilius gives so much respect to Faust? Because she's a proxy of the original, the original who recruited him and the other Sinners in the first place. The various shady shit Faust does? All on orders from the original. Faust's constant boasting of her own knowledge in third person? She's trying to convince herself that she's as good as the original Faust instead of just a copy.

If anyone has any evidence they can think of, feel free to reblog with it.

[mmpookie]

ARCANA TWILIGHT FLOOR 13 REACTION SPOILERS ‼️

I. AM. NOT OKAY.😭😭 BRO I AM ON MY. KNEES. PLEASEEE GIVE US A SEASON TWO STORY TACO OML 😭🙏🙏

OKAY NOW FOR DISCUSSION:

FIRST SHOUT OUT TO CONFRONTATIONAL ARKY GOTTA BE ONE OF MY FAVORITE GENDERS 😩🙏

OK

THE THE. THE FRICKEN POLLUX IS CASTOR PLOTTWIST⁉️

I SAT OVER HERE DRAWING THE POLLUX BDAY ART .JUST. COMPLETELY ABSENTED MINDED OF THE FACT THAT POLLUX AND CASTOR LITERALLY PULLED A TWIN SWAP CLICHE ON US THAT IS SO FUNNY TO ME.

HE'S SO TRAGIC ☹️

BTW I ALMOST FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR READING THIS I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS WAS THE CASE THE ENTIRE TIME OH MY GOD

I MEAN THINKING ABOUT IT I SHOULD'VE EXPECTED IT BUT STILL (EVEN SIRIUS WAS STUNNED)

Also teehee the dots are connecting with mythology again UGH it's so smart with what they pulled off I loved this closing arc for pollux

or I mean castor???

I'm not stretching right???

Also did they ever clarify what castor's fate of misfortune was? Unless I missed it, it's gotta be referring to his death right? Deffo gonna reread the story for when my arcana twilight withdrawals kick in to reanalyze EVERYTHING bc that will be fun

MORE MYTHOLOGY‼️

I've would also love to shout out how much of Arky's role of guiding us out of the Boundry can be paralleled to the greek god Hermes and what he symbolizes BUT BRO

CAN YOU HEAR MY UTTER ANGUISH?????? MY UTTER DESPAIR?????? I AM UNCONSOLABLE

I DUNNO IF I'LL EVER RECOVER FROM THIS LINE 😭 SORRY IT'S JUST ME PARALLELING SUMMONER AND VEGA TO ORPHEUS AND EURYDICE AGAIN. AND. AND. HOW RELEVENT IT IS TO THEIR BACKSTORY AND VEGAS TRAUMA OF BEING ABANDONED BUT

THIS IS SUCH A PERFECT LINE. THE BOW ON TOP OF HIS CHARACTER ARC. I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER

THIS MAY OR MAY NOT BE BECAUSE OF HOW MUCH A HADESTOWN FAN I AM SO IGNORE ME

Ok so at the end I was like NERVOUS bc there was the chance they could have MAYBE pulled off two different endings depending on whether summoner personally wanted to stay or go back to Mid Earthium- which would have been a cool opportunity that Storytaco could have pulled,, but I guesss instead they did the thing where the choices triggered the same response, but this time in the sense that the rest is left to your imagination:

*you turn around = you stay back at the Boundry with the boys (this is because if you turn around the portal magic thingy won't work)

*or you listen to arcturus = keep walking until you arrive back home (earth)

Personally I chose to turn around bc ,one, the story never really gave me TOO much reason to want to go back home- however it was back there- and two I WAS YELLING THROUGH THE SCREEN NOO I DONT TO LEAVEEE 😭😭 THE WHOLE TIME

Also the voice we hear at the end says

"Can you hear? I have a story I desperately want to tell."

And I?? Can't exactly tell what it means?..OTHER THAN A TEASER FOR MORE CONTENT?? MAYBE PONTENTIALLY?? But if it's actually obviously something else I missed please tell me 😭

Anyways end of lecture:

Pollux and vega ending arc top tier.

Arcturus hmm I wish they didn't gloss over the void arc so quickly 🤔

If they could have fitted it in there I would have loved if they had just a BIT more of a satisfying conclusion for spica and alpheratz yknow? :( just me??

And finally. I can be slow,,, so if there's anyone out there that can explain Sirius's whole spiel with polaris and everything with the time travel.,,,,,,, I really would appreciate it bc I'm still trying to understand 😭

(Story taco if you're reading this please make more story I love these characters too much ☹️)

[themidnightcrimson]

Jealousy, Jealousy. | e. olsen

summary: in which a disrespectful interviewer causes lizzie to feel the need to show you just who you belong to.

warnings: top!lizzie, jealousy (obvi), brief arguing, oral, fingering, strap-on (all r receiving bc you are a bottom here and irl, deal with it), overstimulation, ooshy gooshy pussy wussy tingz, straight up porn

this post is for 18+ only. minors: do not interact.

masterlist.

The interview had been going smoothly so far. The woman had only stuck to questions about the movie. You and Lizzie's publicists had well warned all the interviewers that day to not ask anything related to your relationship. If they weren't told to not ask, all your interviews would consist of them invading your privacy. It was hard having a relationship in the public eye, but most of the interviewers had been respectful.

Except this one.

She was the last interviewer of the day, and while her questions were rather boring, you were grateful they weren't too deep and didn’t required too much cognitive thought. You didn't think you could answer one more question about how you get into character, or even worse, Downey's luxury trailer that everyone was asking every member of the cast about.

When the woman looked to you and said, "Now y/n, I've been meaning to ask you something very important," you gritted your teeth and braced for her to ask about you and Lizzie's relationship. Lizzie, who was sat right beside you, even quietly sighed in expectance of the same thing. To your surprise, she asked something much worse. "Please tell me how you manage to squeeze into that tight suit."

Your eyebrows raised in shock. The suit your character wore was a very form-fitting one, tight indeed. You opened your mouth to answer, but she added, "I mean, don't get me wrong. None of us are complaining. If we're really being honest here," she leaned forward and placed her notecards over her mouth to playfully whisper, "It's really the only reason I go watch these movies."

She leaned away from you and laughed, and you politely laughed with her, feeling your cheeks burn red. You couldn't help yourself--you stole a glance to Lizzie. She was wearing a loose white button-up with the first few buttons open, the collar flared casually at her shoulders. Her dirty blonde hair rested in a wave down her chest, and you noticed the way she was pursing her lips and squinting at the interviewer as if expecting her to explain herself.

You quickly glanced away. "Um... well, they tailor the suit to fit me—the wonderful heads of the costume department work really hard to—"

The interviewer bluntly interrupted you, "You look incredibly sexy in all these movies. I mean, just sitting here in front of you all I can picture is that suit and, wow!" She giggled rather tackily and fanned herself with the notecards as if she was overheating.

You weren't good with these kinds of situations, so you just opted to match her energy to not come off as rude. You laughed and rubbed your sweaty palms over the pants of your jumpsuit before crossing your legs. "Well, thank you. I, um, really appreciate it."

With another glance to Lizzie, you noticed her giving a smile that only you could realize was fake. She was looking off towards the camera, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. You could tell she was trying to not look too irritated.

"Now, I haven't seen the movie yet," the interviewer continued, "And I know you can't tell us much about it, but I have been seeing a lot of discourse online about a possible nude scene?"

Your face went bright red at such a forward question, and Lizzie cleared her throat, putting her chin in her hand and staring hard at the interviewer with nothing but daggers in her eyes. She was biting her lip to keep from sassing off, and you almost wished she would so that you didn't have to answer the question.

"Well, this is a Marvel movie, so I think that pretty much answers the question," you awkwardly laughed, feeling like all the air had gone out of the room. Lizzie's anger was basically radiating off her, and she wasn't even trying to hide it anymore, basically scowling at the clueless woman.

"Ugh!" the interviewer sighed, "I was really hoping it was true."

You tightened your lips and simply nodded, also becoming irritated, but mostly nervous because you felt you could basically hear Lizzie's thoughts.

"Very sorry to disappoint," you said as politely as you could, clasping your palms together.

Lizzie licked her lips and leaned back in her seat, crossing her arms and legs, obviously deciding to tune out the rest of the interview. You answered the rest of her questions as best you could, even having to answer for Lizzie a few times because you knew if Lizzie opened her mouth, nothing but insults would come out.

+

The ride home was, as expected, quiet. They usually were after those long press days when you had spoken so much all day that you reveled in just existing wordlessly next to one another in peaceful quiet. Lizzie held your hand as she drove the both of you home, but you could tell she was still mad. It seemed like she was mad at you, actually, which you felt she had no reason to be. Not wanting to get her all angry while she was driving, you waited until you arrived home to ask her about it.

Lizzie tossed her car keys onto the entrance table and immediately went into the kitchen. You set your bag down and followed her, watching her reach into the wine cabinet and take out a bottle and a glass.

"Don't tell me you're mad at me," you started off hot, crossing your arms. She was turned away from you as she wordlessly poured herself a glass of wine. "Really? The silent treatment?"

Lizzie brought the glass towards her mouth before pausing to sigh. "I don't wanna talk about it." Her voice was deeper than usual, monotonous and bitter.

You ignored her request. "How am I supposed to control what people say to me? I'm not God."

Lizzie turned towards you just to roll her eyes. "Don't be dramatic."

"Me being dramatic?" you scoffed. "You're taking your anger out on me for something that isn't my fault."

"Well maybe I wouldn't be so angry if you hadn't flirted back with her," she snapped before taking a heavy sip of her wine.

Your eyes widened at her accusation. Stomping towards you, you took the glass right out of her mouth and set it down on the counter. She wiped away the wine that had spilled on her lips and stared vehemently down at you.

"Lizzie, how was I flirting back with her?" you asked her calmly, not wanting to get into your first screaming match with her. You could tell she was upset, and this was the first time something like this happened.

Lizzie was not up for matching your calmness. "Thank youuuu, I appreciate it so muchhhhh," she mocked what you had said in the interview in a high-pitched tone while batting her eyelashes. "Oh, I'm so sorry to disappoint youuuu, awww." She rolled her eyes and walked away from you.

Your appalled eyes followed her. "I did not say it like that!"

"You did," she muttered as she went up the stairs. You quickly followed right behind her, where she led you into the bedroom.

She went to the mirror in front of the dresser and started pulling off her rings and earrings, setting them down on top of the wooden surface. You kicked your heels off and tossed them in the corner. "You're being ridiculous," you mumbled as you took your own jewelry off and set it on the nightstand.

"So now I'm ridiculous?" Lizzie echoed you as she started to unbutton her blouse in front of the mirror, discreetly watching you in it.

"That's what I said," you snapped, slamming your necklace down on the nightstand and looking at her through the mirror.

"You know what?!" Lizzie exclaimed once her shirt was all the way unbuttoned, turning around to look at you. You could see her black bra and toned stomach through the opening in her shirt. She started to undo the button of her black pants as she exclaimed, "I am SO sorry for not liking the thought of another person thinking about you naked."

"Lizzie, that's just something you're gonna have to fucking deal with!" you yelled right back at her as you reached behind to undo your jumpsuit, struggling to reach the zipper at the top. "I mean, have you SEEN the shit people write about you on Tumblr?!"

Lizzie kicked her pants off and sighed, watching you struggle with your jumpsuit. It was true, after all. Maybe she was being irrational. Maybe her anger made her remember your responses to the interviewer's outrageous questions as something they were not.

After watching you struggle, she scoffed and came closer to you, turning you around sharply. You stumbled slightly under the force of her hand, scoffing right back at her as she moved your hair away from your back and gently undid the zipper of your suit.

"She knew not to talk about our relationship, which means she knew we were together, which means she blatantly disrespected that right in front of me," Lizzie said quietly, pulling your zipper all the way down to your lower back before sliding the silky fabric off your shoulders and letting it fall to the floor, revealing just your lacy underwear. It just so happened to be a pair she picked out for you recently, and seeing that you chose to wear them that day was enough to make her feel like an asshole.

You slowly turned around to stare up at her from under your brows. "You're really going to let some bimbo get you all riled up?"

Lizzie pursed her lips and raked her eyes over your figure. You reached up and pulled her blouse off her, pushing her hair behind her shoulders so you could wrap your arms around them. She slid her arms around your torso and sighed in defeat. "I'm sorry," she whispered, a shadow of a smile crossing her lips.

"You should be," you playfully jested as her hands roamed over your ass, her thumbs hooking the hem of your panties and tugging them downwards.

A smirk glowed on her face as she bit the inside of her cheek, eyes falling down your figure. "I'm the one who gets to see you naked," she whispered as she began to tug your panties farther down over your thighs. She stepped closer to you, moving you towards the bed until your ass pressed against it. With a hand to your chest, she slowly pushed you onto the bed and stood between your legs, pulling your underwear down your knees while her dark eyes drank in the sight of you. "Do you think she believes she could fuck you better than I can?"

The initial smile on your face faded. "Lizzie, don't go in circles with me. You said you were sorry, so can we please stop talking about—"

Your panties dropped to the floor, and she harshly jerked your legs wide open. The force cut your sentence off with a quick exhalation of breath, but you still shot her daggers anyway.

"I want you to answer me," she lulled, pressing her palms flat on your knees and gliding them down to your inner thighs. "Do you think she could fuck you better than I can?" Her voice lowered seriously, which brought a shiver in your spine.

You sat up on your elbows. "Lizzie, no."

Instantly, she pushed you back down much harder than the first time. Your breath gasped from your lungs as your back hit the mattress, and through your peripheral vision you watched Lizzie lower to the ground. Raising your head, your eyes met hers. Her face was hovering between your thighs, arms laying flat on your hips so that her hands could reach the handles of your waist and squeeze.

"We'll see how you really feel once I'm done with you," she husked before dropping her head to press a kiss to your inner thigh. You jolted at the feeling, taking a deep breath as she started to ferociously kiss and bite your tender flesh. Her fingertips dug into your waist as her mouth moved further upwards, but instead of moving to where you were growing needy for her, she skipped a few kisses across your mound before attaching to your other inner thigh.

Your breathing grew heavy as Lizzie continued this torture until finally she rose up a bit and centered her mouth right above your core. She opened her mouth and fanned her warm breath over you, causing you to shiver.

"Lizzie," you breathed, looking down at her dreadfully. She raised her eyebrows impishly before letting her tongue lick a line over the left side of your slit, getting all but what you wanted. She administered the same torture to the right side, and her tongue being so close to your area that was growing wetter and wetter was driving you crazy. Just her warm breath fanning on your clit was killing you.

"Stop teasing!" you whined quietly, pouting and bucking your hips up towards her face. She quickly pressed your hips back down onto the mattress and shot you a threatening glare.

Finally, she pressed her tongue into your clit firmly. "Oh," you sighed, your head falling back onto the mattress as she drew long strides up your slit with your tongue, collecting all your wetness. Lizzie moaned at the taste of you, her own breaths getting heavier. She focused on your clit, giving it soft kitten licks with the tip of her tongue. Your knees bent up around her, feet planting on her shoulders for support.

Her hands slid to your thighs and braced them around her head as she devoured you. Your juices were mixing with her saliva and coating all your surrounding skin. When her tongue, warm and thick, slid to your entrance and pressed inside, the gasp that struck from your throat into the air was inevitable. She pressed her tongue as far inside you as possible, opening her jaws wide to allow a deeper angle. Her tongue lapped around your walls, soaking itself in your cum.

"Lizzie," you whined, hands finding her soft hair and tangling themselves in it. Your hips were grinding up against her face now, and when her fingers moved down to rub your clit simultaneously, the room started to spin.

The air grew thick and heavy as she pleasured you, keeping your arching hips as still as she could with one hand. You nearly cried when her tongue slid out of you and her fingers moved away, but she was only switching positions. Now, her lips were sucking onto your clit, and her two middle fingers dove into you, jutting so hard that her knuckles slammed against you. Her fingertips curled instantly upon their arrival inside, hitting your g-spot perfectly.

"Fuck!" you whined, back arching off the bed as she began thrusting her fingers in and out of your pussy. The sounds of your wetness filled the room, along with your soft moans and Lizzie's occasional grunt. When a third finger was pushed inside of you, you could feel a swirling pressure in the pit of your stomach. You ground your hips into her, taking all that she was giving you. Right when you were on the precipice, Lizzie stood up and wiped her mouth, sucking your juice off her fingers until they were clean.

The absence of her mouth and fingers left you feeling empty and agitated. You whined and covered your face with your hands, letting your legs fall against the side of the bed. "Please," you begged, removing your hands and opening your eyes to see that Lizzie was reaching into the closet. You sat up on your elbows, watching her as she pulled a harness over her legs, a long and thick dildo swinging from her crotch. She turned to you, her hair cascading over her shoulder as she sauntered towards you with her strap in her hand.

"If I can't show her that you're mine," she began, and while the mention of the interviewer brought you more dread, you felt excitement within you when she slid an arm under you and pulled you sharply so that your ass was hanging off the very edge of the bed. She stood upright and looked down to align her strap with your entrance, nearly seething through her lower teeth as she finished, "I'll show you."

Lizzie's strap slid inside your wet and already throbbing hole to the very hilt, filling you up entirely inside. Your mouth flew open, fists grabbing at the sheets as she began jackhammering into you. Your legs lifted weakly around her, and she grabbed hold of your ankles and lifted them to her shoulders so that your legs were straight up in the air. The angle allowed her to push deeper inside you, her strap stretching your walls out around it. You were seeing stars as she pounded you, your entire body moving along with her motions.

"You're mine and no one else's," Lizzie grunted in punctuation to her thrusts, clenching her teeth and watching the way your face contorted in pleasure. "I get to fuck you. It's my cock that fucks you—no one else's." She let out a shaky breath and started to slam faster into you. "You're mine and so is this pussy. Just look how wet you are for me."

Indeed, your slick had coated the inside of your thighs and was now rubbing off on hers, shiny threads clinging to her strap each time it slid out before diving back in again. As if she couldn't torture you anymore, her fingers found your burning clit and rubbed it.

Your ankles hooked around her neck, knees squeezing shut as you became overstimulated. There was so much pressure inside you that you felt as if you could cum, but she had you stuck right on the edge. She shoved your knees apart again, grabbing your hips and slamming them towards you. She pushed you back up before pulling you onto her again, jutting her hips forward to burrow as deeply into you as possible. There was a cocky grin on her face as she started this pattern of slamming you onto her with each of her thrusts. The force was blissful and painful, and it was enough to send you over that edge only moments after.

"Lizzie!" you whined as you came, arching entirely off the bed and trying to squeeze your legs shut again. She kept them wide open around her, painfully gripping your calf. She fucked you right through your first orgasm, keeping herself inside you as she kneeled onto the bed and adjusted you further up the mattress.

Kneeling over you, she bent your legs to your chest, effectively folding you in half before resuming her merciless pace. You were on bordering tears now as her cock destroyed your sensitive and burning pussy. Lizzie's cool hand caressed the side of your hot cheek, offering slight respite before you came for her again, cumming hard around her cock as tears spilled from your eyes.

"That's right, cry for me," she husked, the dirtiness in her voice heightening your climax. You were grabbing desperately onto her back, her thrusts slowing to coax you down from your height.

Lizzie finally stopped, still holding the rather painful position as she watched you gasp for breath. She was panting too, but her eyes sparkled as she admired you. Her thumb swiped a tear from your cheek, and for a moment you thought she was done.

To your unified despair and delight, she pulled out only to flip you onto your stomach and enter you again. The feeling made you cry out as her cock buried inside your tired pussy, her hips laying flat against your ass. She grabbed a fistful of your hair and pulled your head up as she ground herself deeply inside you. Her mouth arrived to your neck and kissed it hungrily, smearing her spit all over you.

"Lizzie, please," you whined, shifting your legs as the unbearable pressure inside you grew larger every second she fucked you. She was thrusting her hips hard against your ass, rubbing her half-naked body atop yours as she bit at your neck. Her free hand came to your throat and glided upwards over your chin, her fingers slipping into your open mouth. Your face was burning red at how dirty it was that she made you suck on her fingers as she fucked you, even though you were desperate for relief.

"Just one more for me, baby," she lilted against your ear, her warm breath fanning over your face. "Keep sucking," she commanded you, pushing her fingers farther into your mouth. You could faintly taste yourself from when she had fingered you, but all of your senses were too overwhelmed to notice.

Finally, she moved her fingers out of your mouth to reach that arm underneath you, moving her now wet fingers to your clit and rubbing it hard. She pressed her face against your shoulder as she reached below you, still humping into you.

It was all too much. Both of your naked, warm bodies rubbing together. Her hips slamming into your ass. Her cock filling you up completely. Her fingers circling your bruised clit. It was enough to send you into yet another orgasm, burying your face into the mattress and screaming as Lizzie kissed your shoulder.

"Mmmm," she hummed in satisfaction as you cried into the sheets, your body going limp beneath hers. She finally stopped, keeping her face pressed into your shoulder for leverage as she lifted her hips and undid the harness, carefully kicking it onto the floor without accidentally kicking you.

Once the harness was gone, she lifted up and gently turned you over onto your back. Your makeup was smeared all across your face now, mascara smudged under your eyes and flaming red cheeks. She went to lay between your legs, but you slammed them shut and twisted them to the side so that she wouldn't. Lizzie chuckled at the action but respected it, instead laying over your hips and wrapping her arms around your twisted torso.

She pecked kisses against your cheek, humming with each one, moving towards your mouth before giving you a gentle kiss there. You were too dazed to even comprehend the kiss, which made her grin.

"Is that what people write about me on Tumblr?"

[moon-andstardust]

So I've come across a lot of posts that basically say that the only reason people didn't like Steve's ending was because they didn't want him to be happy/they didn't allow him to be selfish. And the last one riled me up enough to post this.

Disclaimer: I'm not trying to attack anyone's opinion, I'm stating my interpretation of Steve's ending and the reasons why I, personally, didn't like it

My reasons for hating disliking Steve's ending, in no particular order:

1. He wouldn’t fit in

Steve has been out of ice for at least ten years, give or take a few. He has had time to adjust and somewhat get used to his new reality. He has also changed as a person(even if his core character traits remained the same). To say that Steve went through a lot would be an understatement: Chitauri invasion, Ultron, Sokovia accords, the whole Thanos shitshow. Anyone who could've understood these things he left behind.

His loneliness isn't necessarily a new thing either, Steve didn't have all that many friends besides Bucky even in the 19s.

By the time endgame rolls around, I think his trouble with fitting in has less to do with what year he was born in and more with other people's reluctance to see beyond his captain america mask.

He'd be just as out of place in the Past as he was in the Future.

2. Peggy has already lived her life.

It's been made obvious that she lived quite a happy life without Steve even if she mourned his death. Peggy had a husband. She had children. All of her life choices were completely disregarded by Steve when he shoehorned his way back into Peggy's life.

Also, she has been dead for about seven years now. And Steve, whose entire character arc before this movie was about changing and adapting, never giving up despite the trauma he experienced, never came to terms with it? He hadn't even known her all that well before going under the ice.

3. Steve can't back down from a fight if his the only one who can help

It's been established many many times that Steve hardly ever backs down from a fight, he's always trying to help people: "If I see a situation going south I can't ignore it." This guy. This guy proceeded to ignore: His best friend being tortured, experimented on and brainwashed by nazi scientists for seventy years; His other best friend being tortured, experimented on and turned into a child assassin by kgb; A secret nazi organization keen on murdering twenty million people slowly corrupting an organization his girlfriend/wife is trying to build.

I can see Steve retiring because he trusted his friends to do the right thing and protect people when he couldn't, but I can't see Steve turning a blind eye on the aforementioned when he was the only one even aware of them

On top of it all, Bucky's family was still around when Steve came back. Did he look Bucky's grieving family straight in the eyes as he told them that their son, their brother, was dead and never coming back? Did he toast in honor of Bucky with the Howling Commandos all the while knowing where he really was? I'm sorry, but I really can't reconcile this version of Steve with the one depicted in the earlier films.

In conclusion, my dislike for Steve's ending wasn't because I didn't want him to be selfish or happy, it was because his decision was extremely out of character and badly written.

[nicohverse]

Entropic Float 2 Demo and Kickstarter Launch!

Picture a point-and-click adventure game. Now picture a branching, time-looping ontological mystery visual novel. Entropic Float 2 combines those into its gameplay concept: A point-and-click where you can never solve every puzzle at once. Where you have one key that fits two locks... And the only way to see what's behind the lock you didn't choose is to die, repeat the day, and try something different this time. With only you and your protagonist aware of the loop, seek an answer that earns new information. Through trial and error, solutions and murder... Can you find the way through this new Anomaly?

In early 2021, I started working on a project just for fun. Using the character creator and scene assembly tools of Illusion's Koikatsu, paired with the visual novel engine ren'py, I decided to learn to make a VN. A year and a half, over three hundred thousand words, and quite a bit of pocket money later, I released 'Entropic Float: This World Will Decay And Disappear' for free on steam and itch.io. 

Something that was never meant to be more than a fun exploration of a concept grew into a huge endeavor for me, a visual novel as long as any two Umineko episodes combined! I got guest artists, made plenty of art myself, and learned a lot more about coding in ren'py than I ever thought I would. After releasing the game, my friends were proud of me, and I've heard from a lot of people it connected with. It became the basis of what I want to keep doing creatively- Expanding on this world, telling its story, and finding those people it will resonate with.

That brings us to Entropic Float 2: Land Of The Witch. A sequel I've been planning since the first game released a little over a year ago now. It's a game that can't be free (though if you, for any reason, cannot purchase it- I care more about sharing it than I do about making money) and a game I want to create to that standard. There won't be assets made in a character creator or royalty free music this time. I hope to bring the Pine Creek Anomaly to the screen with my own two hands, and a little bit of help from freelancers. I want to make a point-and-click adventure worth paying fifteen dollars for, an artistic experience that constitutes a huge step up from the first game.

A demo is available to download and play from itch.io! Features already reflected in the demo include:

The general structure of the point-and-click gameplay; including travel between maps, item collection and use, and conversations with other characters.

Hand-drawn backgrounds (with minor animations) and talksprites.

Profile screens for each character and a memory-seeking system improved from the first game. Also improved from the first game is exposition being mainly in a linear-locked part of the story so it doesn't need to be repeated in different places so different players don't get confused!

Planned features yet to be implemented include:

Loop Randomization- The demo includes only the very first loop of the story, but in the actual timelooping gameplay, many factors will be randomized between loops. Characters and items will appear and disappear, characters will have different trustworthiness scores, and eventually, the weather will even change and impact puzzles and character behaviors.

Zones- Minigame areas that abstractly inform you more about a character and are locked behind obtaining certain profile notes and memories. The rewards for completing zones will be tools to access additional areas, such as Area 2 waiting beyond the broken bridge.

Characters- Several of EF2's characters don't appear yet in the demo, due to having their introductions tied to maps that aren't accessible in Area 1.

General Improvements- Characters currently only have one talksprite. The preferences page is still in the ren'py default configuration. Some music tracks recycled from the first game aren't the best fit for the situation. These are all things that relate to the current version being a demo. These are all things that will improve sooner if this kickstarter is a success.

Shortly after handling the Anomalous Clocktower in the Black Rock Desert, Kanatsune Ame was promoted. Now, as an agent of the Wish Task Force at a rank equipped to handle more complex Anomalies, he's received an assignment for another one above his pay grade. Pine Creek, an entire town that was wiped from the map and from all memory several years ago, only to suddenly begin dragging new victims inside within the last few months... Somebody inside this forgotten piece of miserable Americana decided to call out to the world that left it behind, and it's up to you to find out who that could be.

Thank you, as always, for reading!

[teenwolfmarvel-obsessor]

Cingulomania

Full Masterlist | Stranger Things Masterlist

A/N: I saw this tiktok about 'Cingulomania' and thought it would be a great imagine! I struggled with picking a character, but this one fits since I'm back in my Steve Harrington era, although I've always been in my Steve Harrington era.

Summary: Like most college students, relationships were crucial to having a good time. That was until you decided that dating was getting tiring. You had been on so many bad dates, but none of them seemed to work out like you hoped. It wasn't until one shift at Family Video did you realize what was going on. You were focused on being in someone else's arms rather than the random dates'.

Notes:

Y/N/N: Your Nick Name

Y/F/M: Your Favorite Meal

Cingulomania - the desire to be in someone else's arms.

Takes place in season four (no spoilers)

Warnings:

Long imagine

Steve Harrington x-reader

I handed a woman a copy of The Breakfast Club. She smiled at me and took the bag from the counter. The bell of the door rang when she exited, and a few people stepped in. Robin greeted the new customers, going back to organizing a shelf. "Question," she walked over to me.

I looked up from the agenda of the day. My friend joined me with two movies in hand. "Which one is better, Tron or The Karate Kid?" she asked. I looked at each movie, tapping my chin in thought. Every Friday, Steve and Robin would come over to my apartment and watch a movie.

"The Karate Kid," I said. She nodded and hid it behind the counter so nobody would take it. The customers from earlier came over to rent out their movies.

Robin took care of the small group while I fixed the agenda. Keith wanted us to do a lot of projects today, but knowing Robin and I, we wouldn't get half of them done. We'd usually blame it on how busy the store was, which wasn't a total lie. "Have a great rest of your day," Robin said, waving them goodbye.

She turned to me with her arms resting on the countertop. "I totally forgot I have that date with Sam tonight," I said. Robin's shoulders dropped. "Another date?" she said with a raised brow. I nodded and closed the journal.

I set it below the register, putting the pen on top. I hadn't been going out that frequently. "I promised Sam that we'd eat dinner together," I said. Sam was in my Geometry course.

The two of us had been partners on a project which led to him asking me out. I would've said no, but Sam was nice, and why not? "Is this the Sam with the weird ears or the one that has that snorting laugh?" Robin asked. She pointed to her own ears.

"The one with the snorting laugh," I answered. She laughed herself, covering her mouth to try and suppress her reaction. "Sam is nice, and I'm actually excited for once," I said. Robin smiled and pat me on the shoulder. "At least you're better than Steve," she commented.

Now it was my turn to laugh. She turned back to the outside of the store, watching as some cars drove in and out of the small parking lot. "Don't you get tired of it? I feel like this is your fifth date this month," she said. "It's not a whole lot," I shrugged, "I mean, all four dates have been fails, but I'm confident that I'll find someone."

I always thought it must've been something wrong with me. But Steve would always say that it wasn't my fault, just the guys I was going on dates with. Robin often commented on how the main reason why I couldn't find someone was because I already had someone in my life who was head over heels for me.

And no, she wasn't talking about Keith. At least, I hope she wasn't. Keith never had a good rep when it came to asking people out. "I just don't see you and Sam working out," Robin sighed. "Thank you, Robin, for the encouragement," I remarked.

She rolled her eyes at my response. She hopped over the counter to grab a pencil that had fallen. Robin set it back into the jar next to the computer. "I'm just saying," she put her hands up, "You have the perfect person in your life, and you just can't see it." She ignored my confused expression and continued speaking.

"Steve. Y/N, I'm talking about Steve."

"What?"

"Steve. I'm talking about him," she repeated. "Yeah, I heard you the first time," I responded. I shook my head in disagreement, moving over to the computer to type in today's rentals. Robin walked around to join my side.

She set a hand on top of mine, pulling my hand away from the keyboard. "Cingulomania," she said. Now I was really freaking confused. She let out a long, heavy sigh. "The desire to be held in someone's arms," Robin continued. "Huh?" I replied.

"Oh my god. You and Steve are really the same," Robin said. She reached over the computer to turn it off. Before I could stop her, Robin grabbed the notebook and pen and chucked it over the counter. She stared at me with crossed arms. "Cingulomania. It means the desire to be held in someone's arms," Robin repeated.

I turned to her in the office chair, my own arms crossed. Now I know why Robin told Keith that she could cover Steve's shift. "The reason why your dates have failed is because that little part of your brain is telling you not to move forward," Robin explained. "Are you telling me that I'm self-sabotaging my dating life?" I said.

"That is exactly what I'm saying," Robin said. She leaned to the side, so she rested against the counter again. "Why in the hell would I do that?" I said. "Because you don't want to think about how many times you could've been with Steve," Robin clarified, "I know the two of you like the back of my hand. You're extremely the same."

Robin stood up straight to continue speaking her point. "When the both of you make eye contact, it's like there's a conversation going on without the talking aspect. Whenever we have movie nights, there is no hesitation when it comes to holding each other's hands," Robin explained, "And I see the way you blush when Steve puts his arms around you. Same with him." She put her hands on her hips.

I could tell she was very proud of herself. I stood up from the desk to retrieve the notebook and pen that she threw. "Dustin sees it. Lucas, Mike, and Max all see it. You and Steve are just too blind to see it," Robin said. "You're delusional," I retorted.

"No. You're delusional for not using your smart-ass brain to see," Robin said. I stared at her for a few seconds before putting the book down. I pinched the area between my brows, realizing that Robin was right. "Okay, but I'm still going on the date tonight," I said.

Robin's mouth fell open at the sound of my statement. She followed me as I walked over to another shelf that had been messed up. "Did everything I just tell you not reach your ears?" Robin said. "No, it did," I replied, "I've already canceled once on Sam, I don't want to cancel last minute." Robin groaned, tilting her head back. "Why are you so nice to people?" she said.

I shrugged and went back to organized. She kept her eyes on for a split second before walking over to the front of the store to start on some more chores. For the rest of our shift, I couldn't stop thinking about what Robin said.

Sometimes I try to not let the things she says get to my head. But this one really stuck with me. Maybe she was right. Maybe I am self-sabotaging without even realizing it.

_________

(Later that night)

"And so, I told him I wasn't going to buy the truck because it was a waste of money," Sam shrugged, "I mean, you know how much I just love my cars. This guy was really trying to sell me something that would just fall apart." I smiled, nodding along. I should've stuck with what Robin said.

This date was going terribly. All Sam had been talking about was the cars he or his dad had. And all I had been thinking about was how I wish I could be at my apartment with my friends, primarily Steve. While in thought, I hadn't realized Sam had asked me what color he should paint his Corvette.

I cleared my throat and went back to eating my dinner. Sam waited impatiently for my response. "What about red?" I suggested. "Nah. I've already got two red cars," he replied. My lips pressed in a thin one as I nodded in reply. He grinned, taking a sip of his drink. Molly, our waitress, came over and asked how we were doing.

Sam quickly replied that we were doing wonderful. Molly glanced at me. "Great. The food is great, thank you," I said. She looked at me questionably before leaving me and my date to ourselves. Thankfully, Sam hadn't caught the glance. "So, what're you doing for spring break?" Sam asked.

He cut up his steak, pouring a ridiculous amount of sauce on the pieces. "Not much. I think my friends and I might stay at Lovers Lake for a few days," I answered. Sam nodded and then drenched the rest of his steak in the sauce. "Where are you going?" I asked. "Cape Cod, my grandparents have a nice house right on the shore," he answered.

The more the date continued, the more I realized that Sam was just like the other guys. I looked around the restaurant discreetly to find our waitress. "You should see the view," Sam quickly added. He went on and on about the house and, what do you know, his cars. This wasn't anything like our first date.

I finished my Y/F/M and set my fork on the side of the plate. "My father is having an opening ceremony for his work this Monday. I was wondering if you could be my plus one," Sam said, "There will be a great Jazz band. Wonderful food. And you'll get to meet some of my father's successful coworkers."

Molly came over with a pitcher of water, pouring some into my glass. I smiled at her and took a sip. "Um," I began but was interrupted. "Great. It is black-tie attire. You can wear that black dress you wore for your Speech class," Sam interjected. "Sam, I never said yes," I shook my head.

My date look at me, very confused. He pushed his plate to the side, giving me his full attention. "Why wouldn't you say yes? It will be a great party. You'll meet wonderful people, and-" Sam said. Molly walked over to the table, preventing Sam from speaking any further. "So sorry to interrupt," she said.

Our waitress pulled her blonde hair away from her face, her arms behind her back. "Y/N is it?" she asked me. I nodded in response. "I think we went to high school together," Molly said. She winked at me and covertly tilted her head to Sam. I soon took the hint when I noticed Sam's focus on downing the rest of his water.

"Oh, yes. We had Biology together, didn't we?" I said.

"We sure did. Mr. Harris' class," Molly smiled, pulling an act. I smiled in a thankful manner. She then turned to Sam, who looked up from his now empty plate. "Sir, if you'd like to go ahead and pay where you walked in, that would be great," Molly said. I lowered my head, acting like I was fixing the sleeve of my dress.

Sam glanced at Molly and then at me. Molly stood there, smiling. He sighed and stood up from the table. "Just over there, sir," the waitress pointed to the wooden podium. He never thanked her and walked to the front. I watched him as he pulled out his wallet. "Thank you," I said to Molly.

She smiled and set a hand on my shoulder. "Of course. I could tell that he wasn't being very gentlemen-like," Molly said. I thanked her one more time before meeting Sam at the front of the fancy restaurant. It was quiet on the way over to Sam's convertible. Sam hadn't even opened up the door like he did when he picked me up.

And it was quiet on the way to my apartment. I leaned my head against the back of the seat, watching as the trees and light posts flew past. Sam pulled up into the parking lot of my apartment complex. "Thank you," I said as he stopped the car. Sam nodded. He didn't say anything.

I took my purse from the spot in front of my feet. Sam pulled away as soon as I got out of his car. "Well, that went great," I said. I grabbed my keys from the pocket of my purse. The lights were still on when I unlocked the front door, same with the tv. "Your home!" Robin exclaimed, jumping up from the living room couch.

She grinned with her arms up in the air. I took off my shoes, setting them into the basket on the side. "How did you get in here?" I asked. "Extra key," Steve said, walking into the living room from the kitchen. I rolled my eyes and shrugged off my jean jacket. The two of them sat on the couch with a bowl of popcorn sitting on the coffee table.

"And I see you've also raided my pantry," I commented. I noticed that there were a few bags of chips sitting on the island. Steve put up a thumbs up. "How was the date?" he asked, tilting his head back so he could look at me. "It was definitely a date," I answered. Both of them look at me with furrowed brows.

It was nice to get changed out of my dress and into a comfy pair of pajamas. Steve and Robin were still watching their movie when I stepped out of my room. "So, another failed date?" Robin said. I nodded and grabbed a drink from the fridge. "What was it this time?" Steve asked.

Once I had my drink, I sat down on the couch. "All he had to talk about was what car he should drive next to school. Or trying to decide where he wants to go on vacation," I explained, "And don't get me started on how much he wants everyone to know how wealthy his family is."

Robin handed me the bowl of snacks. I smiled at her. "I take it that the date didn't go well then," Steve said. "Yeah. We had this really sweet waitress named Molly. She knew right away how I felt about Sam," I added. I noticed that the two of them were watching the Karate Kid without me.

"I can't believe you guys didn't wait for me. I thought we were friends," I said, handing the snack bowl back to Robin. "You were taking too long," Robin sighed. She leaned back on the couch and pulled the knitted blanket to her chin. I rolled my eyes. Steve took the blanket he was using and draped one end over me.

I thanked him with a smile and put my head on his shoulder. Steve reached for my hand, lacing my fingers with his. Robin glimpsed at me for a second. She winked and brought her focus back to the television.

_________

(The Next Day - A Shift at Family Video)

"What about this one?" Steve said, showing me another movie suggestion. It was Saturday, and the store was surprisingly slow today. I yawned and shrugged my shoulders. "The Goonies?" Steve suggested again. "Oh, Josh Brolin," I said.

I reached for the tape, but Steve pulled his hand away. "Oop, never mind," he said. He leaned over to put the movie back into the pile. "What? What's wrong with Josh Brolin?" I said, turning so I faced him.

He looked at me with raised brows like I had just asked something absurd. "Nothing is wrong with Josh Brolin. The guy is great. But if I have to see Robin make googley eyes at Kerri Green one more time, I'm banning The Goonies from our movie list," Steve said.

I nodded and told him to look through the stack of movies again. He sighed, bringing the pile over to the two of us. Steve leaned back with a hand at the top of the shelf. I looked through the stack, trying to find one that we haven't seen. "Okay. We've got...." my sentence trailed.

We had at least four or five other options, but I still wanted to watch The Goonies. I held up the movie and waved it around to try and convince him. "C'mon...." I said. Steve sighed. "Yeah, sure," Steve replied (GIF Above). I cheered to myself and walked over to behind the register.

Steve set the basket back onto the cart to put them away later. He leaned against the counter, his arms crossed. Steve looked at me as I logged into the computer. "What?" I said, not glancing away from the screen. "Nothing," he shrugged. I looked at him with narrowed eyes.

I finished logging the movie into our store's system. Steve followed me with his eyes as I walked around the register to grab my water bottle from the cart. "Can I ask you a question?" he asked. "Depends on what the question is," I responded, taking a sip of my water and leaning against the side of an aisle.

He smirked and stood beside me, his shoulder against mine. "Do you know what cingulomania means? Robin mentioned it yesterday," Steve spoke, "Sometimes I feel like she just makes up random words to confuse me. Which, if she is, it's working."

[Flashback to the day before. Third-Person View]

Robin and Steve walked through the front door of Y/N's apartment, using the key that Y/N had given them. Robin took her Converse off and dropped them into the basket beside the door. She immediately put the movie in and hopped onto the couch.

She ignored the pillows that fell onto the ground when she settled in. Steve grabbed some popcorn from the top shelf in the kitchen, putting it into the microwave. He glanced at the clock, trying to guess when Y/N would get home from work.

Despite Steve's growing feelings for Y/N, he was eager to hear how her date went. He didn't like to admit that part of him was happy she didn't have a successful date. Steve, too, suffered from cingulomania even though he had no idea what that word meant.

Robin had tried explaining on the way over, but Steve was so confused that she didn't even bother to continue. "You really don't know what cingulomania means?" Robin said. She looked over the top of the couch to see Steve. He shook his head and took out a large bowl from the kitchen island.

She rolled her eyes and turned the volume down on the television. Robin had been looking forward to watching a movie with her friends. She was also hoping Y/N would get home soon so they could finish it together.

"How come I've never heard of it?" Steve said, pouring the snack into a bowl. "Because you're an idiot," Robin corrected. "Wow, how kind of you," Steve remarked. He joined his best friend in the living room. Robin took the bowl from him, shoving the popcorn into her mouth.

Steve picked up the pillows that fell, resting them on the recliner beside the television. He took a blanket from the basket and sat back down. "To put it in simpler terms for your small-minded brain," Robin tapped his head. Steve brought his hands up and fixed his hair. "It basically means that you want to be in her arms, or you want her to be in your arms," Robin said.

Now, Steve was even more confused about how Robin could possibly know about his feelings. "You're not very good at hiding it," Robin said. "Well, I must be. Because Y/N hasn't said a thing," Steve replied, eating the popcorn. She never responded to his reply. Instead, she looked at him with raised brows.

She took the bowl from him and put it on the coffee table. Robin turned down the volume, trying to get her friend's attention. "Steve, you need to make a move or something because it's starting to get exhausting watching you two love each other from afar," Robin said.

Steve sighed and looked back at the movie, pulling the blanket so it covered his arms. "I'll do it," he claimed. "When? Because I talked to Y/N today, and - by the way, you two are creepily right for each other," Robin said, changing the subject mid-sentence. Steve thought to himself, rethinking everything he's done for Y/N and what he's said.

Robin set a hand on his shoulder. "You know her. And you should know that she'll like you no matter what," Robin said, "Plus if it works out for you and Y/N. I could totally add Matchmaker to my resume." Steve looked at her, confused. Robin disregarded Steve's expression and leaned back with a smile on her face.

[Present Day. Y/N's Point of View]

I looked up from my water bottle, remembering what Robin said to me yesterday. 'Cingulomania. It means the desire to be held in someone's arms,' Robin's words popped into my head. "I don't know. What does it mean?" I question, going along.

Steve crossed his arms, playing with the loose thread from his green vest. "The desire to be held in someone's arms," he responded. "Oh," I said, nodding. He nodded as well. "I do think Robin mentioned it to be, then," I said. Steve glanced at me.

"Robin made a comment or two about my dating life. And, how there is a possibility that I am self-sabotaging these dates without realizing it," I answered, "Which I don't think is possible because I've had fun....at least I think I've had fun."

He nodded as I spoke. I felt his hand brush mine. "So, then Robs said the word 'Cingulomania,' to which she followed with, 'You have the perfect person in your life, and you just can't see it'," I paused for a brief moment but was cut short when Steve spoke.

"Who's the guy?"

Steve fixed his position, his shoulder against the wooden side of the shelf. His arms laid at his sides rather than crossed over his chest. "You," I said, "Which I thought was completely wrong, but then I thought about how much I want to be with you at all times and not with those stupid dates who, clearly, have no interest in me."

"So, yes, maybe I suffer from whatever the wor-"

"Cingulomania."

"Yes, that," I pointed at him, "And, so what if sometimes I want to hold your hand or feel what's like to be in your arms. Or, I don't know."

Steve brought a hand out and lowered my arms. I guess I had taken after Robin by waving my hands around when speaking. "I think you're hanging out with Robin too much because you almost poked my eye," Steve joked. I chuckled, feeling my cheeks turn to a light shade of pink.

He laced his hand with mine and kissed the top of my hand. "You don't have another date soon, right?" Steve said. "Nope," I shook my head while speaking. He smirked, leaning his head down to kiss me.

He pulled me closer by the waist, my grip on my water bottle slipping. Steve caught it before it fell on my foot. I felt him smirk against my lips and set the water bottle on the rickety cart behind me. Steve pulled away first, the smile on his freckled face never leaving.

"I don't think I suffer from cingulomania anymore," I said. "Good, that's good," he nodded, leaning down to kiss me again.

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