#one of my favorite jokes from the book is something like 'crowley tried to hit a hedgehog and missed'. THAT'S the energy i want

[mommyashtoreth]

The thing abt Crowley that I think is missing from a lot of fan content is people like. how do I word this. people like him so much that they're not willing to make him do things they find unlikable. Crowley's demonhood is usually represented in fan stuff by him like, doing bad things to bad people, people who "had it coming" one way or another, which I think works in serious contexts but is just no fun if you're trying to match the tone of the source! Crowley comes up with and does things that are objectively annoying and unpleasant and that's Fine. It's hilarious. We all need to make peace with the fact that Crowley would play Instagram reels loud as hell on the train, she'd be in front of you on line at the drug store paying with exact change, she'd show up to your baby shower with one of those toys that make a bunch of noise, she invented the leafblower. Etc. These jokes write themselves they're so easy and they're always funny and I want to see more of that sort of energy

[sams-sass]

All In My Head

Hey guys! This is not what I usually write at all, but I got a really good request from @allthings-sammy​ and I am always up for a challenge.

Summary: This is a fic told from Sam’s point of view through the Gadreel incident. Specifically, when Kevin dies and after he exits his body. 

****Warnings: This does not paint Dean well. If you are a total Dean fan, I do not recommend you read this.****

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Sam slammed his fists against the door. His body vibrating from the force. His breath was loud and heavy in his chest as he continued to throw his fists and feet at the closed door.  

“No!” He screamed into the black room. The vast and empty darkness didn’t answer him, just glared back into him with its deafening silence. He watched his own body move around the bunker. Watched his hands touch his clothing, his food, his everything. Saw his hands place his favorite jacket across his shoulders, but couldn’t feel the warmth. He was trapped. Gadreel trapped him away in the deepest recesses of his mind. His hands slid over the sigil, altering it slightly. He heard Gadreel talking as if he was Sam.  

“Dean! Don’t listen, it's not me!” Sam screamed. He slammed his body against the door, it didn’t even move in its frame. He watched as his hand covered Kevin’s head. How his eyes lit up and scream tore from his throat.  

“No! Please no! No!” Sam screamed in shock and horror, listening to his voice echoing all around him. He watched the life leave Kevin’s body. His voice got louder and louder around him until there was nothing but screaming. Sam covered his ears, falling to his knees and closing his eyes. Then there was silence. He dropped his hands and looked around to see himself back in the bunker. He looked at his hands as if he was seeing them for the first time. His heart rate began to slow as the familiarity of the bunker calmed him.  

“Hey.” Dean greeted him, placing a laptop on the table.  

“Dean. What happened?” Sam stood, walking over to his brother.  

“Uh, nothing man. I came in here to tell you about the case I found and you were kneeling of the floor.” Dean furrowed his eyebrows at his brother.  

“A case?” Sam asked, confusion across his face. There was something he couldn’t remember. Where was he before he came in here? Why does this feel like it shouldn’t be happening?  

“Yes. A case, as in our job.” Dean moved his hand in between them.  

“Right, yeah ok. What is it?” Sam shook his head, something still felt out of place. He just couldn’t put his finger on it.  

“Cheerleaders.” Dean raised his eyebrows and nodded his head, flashing Sam a toothy grin. Sam chuckled and then sat down at the table to do some research. He read over the article Dean had found, trying to focus. He had been struggling lately. He felt like he was beginning to lose his mind. He would fall in and out of focus. There would be gaps of time missing from his day. He would suddenly be in a room and have no idea how he got there. Dean was talking to him strangely as well. As if he sometimes was talking to someone else. He felt really good, almost too good. Charged and ready all the time. He no longer had the ache in his bones. He knew he should feel beat up and spent after the trials, but he didn’t. He shook his head again and continued to read up for the case. He licked his lips and ran his hand through his hair, concentrating. His hands flipped the pages, frustration growing within him.  

“It just doesn’t make any sense. Why is this ghoul only chomping on dead cheerleaders?” He said aloud to Dean, somewhere else in the bunker.  

“Hey you wanna beer?” Dean yelled.  

“No, I’m fine.” Sam said, still looking at the book.  

“Not bad.” The familiar voice spoke behind him. Sam immediately bolted out of his seat and faced Crowley.  

“Dean. Dean!” He screamed for his brother.  

“Poughkeepsie.” Crowley said, his voice was low and sure. Sam’s muscles contracted and his eyes shot to Crowley's. He shouldn’t know that word. How could he possibly know what that means?  

“How do you know that word?” Sam asked him, standing up to face him.  

“Because Dean sent me, Bullwinkle. The real Dean. I'll make this quick, you’ve been possessed by an angel. He has got you packed away in some dusty corner of your own mind and I’m here to break you out.” Crowley said quickly, moving his hands as if Sam knew exactly what to do. Things began to connect within Sam’s mind. Puzzle pieces coming together. Things that didn’t add up were now being to make perfect sense. He didn’t know how to believe it. He couldn’t believe it. How could he be possessed by an angel? He never allowed one in.  

“Seriously.” He said to Crowley, hoping this was all a joke.  

“Fine.” Crowley said reaching for Sam’s gun on the table. “We’ll do this the fun way.” He lifted the gun and shot Sam in the chest. Sam flinched and shook from the force, but nothing happened. He looked down at the bullet hole and felt his heart drop in his chest. It was true. It was all true.  

“See? Not real, like I said. I know how possession works, Sam. You’ve seen everything that he's seen, even if you can’t remember. So, what I need you to do, I need you to remember.” Crowley looked at him with pleading and wide eyes. Sam felt the memories begin to flood his mind. Him in the hospital bed. Him slicing someone's throat. Dean’s beaten face, looking at him with worry. Finally, Kevin with glowing and burnt out eyes. His body going limp under Sam’s hand. Sam closed his eyes and felt the shame wash over him. Filling every ounce of his body. He felt the ache in his bones again. Felt the guilt weighing down his chest. He leaned forward and placed his hands on the table.  

“Did I kill Kevin?” He asked, not having the strength to look Crowley in the eye.  

“No. You didn’t, he did.” Crowley assured him. Sam knew he was right, that it wasn’t him. That it was the angel possessing him, but it still felt like he had done it. It still felt like he was the one who had taken a friend's life. He couldn’t catch his breath. Anger and remorse filled his body, leaving him heavy and used. “You need to take control, Sam. Blow it up, and cast that punk ass holy roller out!” Crowley yelled, his voice rising in pitch. Sam looked over at him. Another man was behind him. He knew it was him. He knew he was the one who had tricked him from the beginning. His eyebrows knitted together on his forehead and he rose to his full height. Squaring his shoulders and narrowing his eyes at the intruder.  

“What?” Crowley asked. Sam looked down at him and then back to the other man. “Oh, bullocks.” Crowley said, tilting his head down.  

“Hello, Sam.” The man spoke. A chill went up Sam’s spine.  

“Who are you?” Sam asked him, feeling his muscles tensing.  

“His name is Gadreel, the original chump.” Crowley said, squaring up to Gadreel. Sam thought that name sounded familiar, he couldn’t remember exactly. He looked between him and Crowley as they exchanged words. How Gadreel was planning on bringing the angels back to heaven. Sam looked down in confusion, that was supposed to be impossible. Crowley punched Gadreel in the face. Gadreel recoiled and hit Crowley, sending him across the table and onto the floor. Gadreel began to kick and beat Crowley while he was on the ground. Sam stood and watched as the walls closed in around him. His breathing picked up and his heartrate skyrocketed. He raced over and tackled Gadreel who quickly threw Sam off of him. His body hit the floor and he knew that he was in for a fight. He tried to regain his strength when Gadreel spoke.  

“Give up, boy. You’re not strong enough.” He sent a kick into Gadreel’s face, sending him stumbling backwards.  

“Take control, Sam. Cast him out!” Crowley spoke from the floor. Sam tried to get up and fight.  

“Get out of my-” He was cut off by Gadreel pinning him back to the floor. His hand wrapped around Sam’s neck, cutting off his air supply. Sam reached up and grabbed his throat as well.  

“You sure you want me to go? Maybe I’m the only thing holding you together. I leave you might die.” His words sparked something in Sam. His whole life he had felt like he could never use his full strength. Even with hunting he always held back just enough. The rage and guilt tormenting him filled his body and he knew he had to use everything he had. He reached for the closest object and smashed Gadreel over the head with it. Sam then pushed Gadreel’s body off of him and stood up. Feeling a strength, he had long forgotten about. His teeth gritted together as his foot came slamming down on Gadreel’s chest.  

“I said, get the hell out.” Sam’s blood was pumping fast in his veins. His skin was tight against his tense muscles. His chest rose and fell with loud heavy breaths. And then suddenly he was in a chair. His arms tied down. His mouth opened and it felt as if a cloud of cold fog was being pulled out of him, deep within his gut. Then came the fiery smoke of Crowley being forced out as well. Sam’s body slumped into itself in the chair. His head lolled to the side slightly, exhaustion evident on his face. Cas and Dean ran to him. Cas taking out the metal pins as Dean undid the chains keeping him in the chair.  

“Cas?” Sam looked up at the angel, confusion in his expression. Cas hooked Sam’s arm over his shoulders and they limped out together. Cas helped him into the car as quickly as they could and the three of them pulled away. The car ride was quiet and tense. There was no talking, no music, no sound except the engine. A sound that usually calmed and centered Sam now made his blood run cold. All he could think about was how he had been lied to for months. All he could hear was Dean’s voice telling him that he was just tired. Dismissing his claims of feeling off. How he was missing time. How he knew something wasn’t right. How there were all these unexplained things happening around him and no one could give him and answer. He closed his eyes and felt the realization of how this one lie cost his relationship with his brother. He knew he wasn’t perfect. He knew he had made mistakes and trusted the wrong person. This felt selfish. This felt like Dean did it so he didn’t have to be alone. It wasn’t for Sam. It was for Dean. The car pulled over to a bridge and they all got out. The rain was falling around them. Sam felt it sliding down his hair and on his shoulder. Cas healed him, making his headache disappear, but leaving all his other aches. His shoulders were slumped in exhaustion and betrayal.  

“Alright, let me have it.” Dean said, moving to look Sam in the eye.  

“What do you want me to say? That I'm pissed? I think you know that.” Sam looked at him, his jaw twitching in anger.  

“I did what I had to do.” Dean said, his eyes narrowing.  

“You say that like it solves everything, like I will just completely understand and thank you. You tricked me and lied to me for months because you didn’t want to be alone. You can't handle being alone.” Sam stood a little taller, letting his anger take him.  

“I saved your life.” Dean argued back.  

“I was willing to die, Dean! I was willing to take that sacrifice and use it to make the world better! We could have done what we always wanted to do; we could have closed off hell forever! I could have done so much good. I could have given back so much that I took when I started the apocalypse and you didn’t let me. You didn’t let me because you were too scared of being alone! Now Kevin is dead, Cas is hurt, and the world is still in the toilet. All for me to live a few more years? Once again, you showed me how much you don’t trust me. When really Dean you’re the one I can't trust anymore.” Sam pointed his finger at his brother. 

“Sam, you would have done the same for me and you know it!” Dean yelled back, his voice deep.  

“No, I wouldn’t have. I would not have betrayed you by allowing an angel to possess you for months and lying to you about it. Do you know what I have been going through? How crazy I have felt? I thought I was losing my mind, Dean. I was beginning to think that something was really wrong with me. I didn’t trust myself and you did that to me. You made me doubt myself because I thought that you would never hurt me this way. I thought that you may lie to me here and there, but you would never let me think I was actually losing it. After everything we have been through. After all the bad we have struggled through, I could always trust you to feel like I had a partner in this never-ending fight. You took that from me.” Sam spread his arms out wide, his voice growing in volume as his rage and sadness took over. Dean became another person that betrayed Sam. Another person who Sam had given everything to, only to have it slapped back in his face once again.  

“I’m leaving anyway. I’m finding Gadreel on my own.” Dean said, turning on his heel.  

“As long as it doesn’t include me, I don’t care what you do.” Sam said, knowing full well it would crush Dean. He watched his brother stop walking for a moment, letting Sam’s words sink into him. Sam thought he might turn around, but he didn’t. Dean continued to walk away and get in the impala. Sam turned to Cas who gave him a somber look. The two of them got in Cas’s car and made their way to the bunker.  

“Sam, I know what he did was wrong, but he was only trying to save you.” Cas said, looking over at Sam.  

“He saved me not thinking about that I could have saved the world. I could have given some good.” Sam said, never moving his eyes from looking out the window. Cas pulled up to the bunker and they silently made their way to their rooms. Sam locked his door, something he never did, and sat down on his bed. He looked down at his hands and all he could see was them hovering over Kevin’s black hair. Sam closed his eyes and bowed his head, paying his own respects to Kevin. It wasn’t until he felt a tear against his lips that he realized he was crying. He wiped away his tears and placed his elbows on his thighs, holding his head up with his hands. He was so tired. He could feel the debilitating fatigue in his body. He took in a deep breath and picked his head up, knowing what he had to do. He had to find Gadreel. He had to set this right. Dean didn’t get to kill Gadreel. This was Sam’s fight.  

The next morning Sam got up and got dressed as he always did. He made his way down the hallway when something stopped him. The door to Dean’s room was open ajar. Sam peaked inside, seeing it just as Dean left it. He walked in and tried to put himself in his brother’s frame of mind. He understood the desperation Dean felt. He understood the fear of facing this world alone. What he didn’t understand was the lying. The complete deception from Dean. He walked over to Dean’s desk and found the box, taking it for himself. He brought it into the kitchen and opened it. His fingers flipped through the pictures until he found the one he wanted. It was him and Dean at Bobby’s house. Half-eaten sandwiches and almost empty beers sat in front of them. Sam stared at the picture for what felt like hours. He looked so happy in the picture. His eyes glued to Dean. There was not an ounce of distrust in him those few years ago. Sam dropped the picture in the box and closed his eyes. He knew he could never go back to that complete trust he had for his brother. That was long gone. He slammed the box shut and placed it back in Dean’s room, closing the door behind him. He moved to the library and sat down at the table. The ache in his bones was back. The pounding in his head was still there. He felt used and broken. He felt stupid for believing he could feel so good after going through such a traumatic experience. His chest was tight and he felt like he couldn’t get enough air. He felt like a fish trying to live on air.  

The days turned to night and Sam would try and find peace in sleeping. His slumber often interrupted by the visions of Kevins lifeless body falling to the floor. He would often give up on sleeping and make his way back to the library to read anything he could. His mind felt foggy and he often found himself staring at the same page for longer than necessary. If you asked him what he just read, he would have no idea. He couldn’t get the same thing out of his head, someone else used my body for months. Someone else saw what I saw. Knows what I was thinking. There was no getting over that. No moving on.  

As Sam was often asked to do, he forgave. He forgave, but he never forgot. The dishonesty and the deception always remained. He loved his brother, but there are somethings that one cannot simply overlook.  

@allthings-sammy​

[holycatsandrabbits]

“Oh, not again,” Mr. Crowley groaned.

In the sitting area of the bookshop, Sam, a makeup artist, had been giving another lesson to Audrey, the trans teenager he’d met at the shop a few months earlier. Audrey had brought her friend Lloyd with her this time, and they’d started out discussing lip-liner, Sam matching colors to both Audrey’s and Lloyd’s skin tones. But for the last few minutes, the three of them had just been staring in horror as a customer quite blatantly flirted with Mr. Fell. A younger man, who didn’t seem to care much for books, was leaning close, laughing too loudly, and nearly putting his hand on Mr. Fell’s shoulder.

And then Mr. Crowley had walked by and caught sight of it. “And of course, he can never tell,” Mr. Crowley groused, waving an annoyed hand in his husband’s direction. “Aziraphale sees the good in people first. Takes him a little while to realize someone’s ignoring the fact that he’s got my ring on his finger.” He muttered something that sounded something like, “Major design flaw in the species, if you ask me.”

Audrey turned her wide green eyes on him. “What are you going to do?”

Mr. Crowley dropped into one of the armchairs. “Now, why ever would you insinuate that I might possibly do something about the fact that there is a man hitting on my husband?”

Sam and the teenagers made some sort of vague noises of agreement. This was Lloyd’s first visit to the bookshop, but Audrey must have told him something about how Mr. Fell and Mr. Crowley seemed to be able to give the middle finger to reality, because the wiry, dark-haired kid was quite excitedly staring at Mr. Crowley.

Mr. Crowley, however, was now absently pawing through Sam’s pouch of lipsticks.

The man flirting with Mr. Fell belched quite loudly. Mr. Fell seemed a little nonplussed. 

As Mr. Crowley opened a lipstick to see what color blush pink delight actually was, the man slipped and knocked over a pile of books.

Mr. Fell looked from the customer to Crowley a couple of times. And then his expression grew displeased, in the way only Mr. Fell could look displeased, as if he was able to somehow think something rude in a polite manner.

“Oh, I should have left the books alone,” Mr. Crowley whispered.

Sam didn’t expect what came next though. Sweet Mr. Fell looked directly at his husband and then rested his hand on the customer’s arm. Mr. Crowley sat straight up in his chair, and Sam wasn’t entirely sure he was still breathing.

And then the customer tripped again and crashed into a bookcase, nearly knocking the whole thing over.

“Crowley!” Mr. Fell exclaimed.

Crowley shot to his feet. “I—it wasn’t me!” He waved an uncharacteristically ungraceful hand in the air. “Not my fault he’s just clumsy!”

The customer staggered to his feet, and gave them all a sort of panicked look and then rushed out the door. 

Mr. Fell just stood there with a faint smile on his face. Mr. Crowley gaped at him and then suddenly growled, managing to sound both angry and impressed. “Angel! That was you! You set this entire thing up!”

“I’m sorry, darling.” Mr. Fell did not look in the least bit sorry. “But you shouldn’t have forgotten our anniversary.”

Mr. Crowley sputtered. “Our anniversary is April 4. Four-four, there’s only one number to remember, and it’s the number four, and I remember it, and today is—I have no idea what today is, but it’s October, and that’s number ten!”

“Oh, not our wedding, my dear. I meant the first time that you kissed me. You do usually remember it, and—”

“Oh—oh!” Mr. Crowley stammered. “Well, what, was that yesterday? I thought it was today! I have something for you upstairs, I’ll just run and get it.” He was gone toward the stairs before anyone could say anything else.

Over a snort of muffled laughter, Sam said, “I did not know you had that in you.”

Mr. Fell smiled. “Oh, Heavens. Living with Crowley, you learn your way around a prank. Besides, it’s…well, the thing is, Crowley comes from a place where no one ever showed him a moment of kindness. Sometimes it’s hard for him to accept that an ang—ah, that someone who is kind by nature loves him. He’s a little more comfortable being married to someone who’s a bit of a bastard sometimes.”

Audrey gasped in delight. “Is it even your anniversary?”

“Crowley first kissed me at Mardi Gras. March, not October. He’ll figure it out in a minute.”

As the other three tried to smother their giggles, Mr. Fell said, “You know, what Crowley went through—being cast out of his family—he wasn’t meant to be able to survive that and still be himself. To still be nice. To still be able to love. He’s the strongest person I’ve ever met.” He glanced toward the stairs. “But when they told him that he’d never be loved again, because of who and what he is now, that part he believed. Someday I’ll convince him to believe me instead.” He suddenly looked a little mischievous again. “For now, if I want to spoil him, it takes a bit of doing.”

There was a clattering on the stairs and Mr. Crowley burst back into the room, looking severely annoyed. “Angel! Mardi Gras is in Spring! If you think I don’t remember our first kiss—”

Mr. Fell turned to them and said laugh, and though Sam didn’t really feel like it now, with Mr. Crowley looking so angry, a gleeful laugh somehow magically burst out of him, all three of them, as if they’d been holding it in until Mr. Crowley figured out the joke.

“Aziraphale!”

Mr. Fell slipped a hand over his husband’s arm. “Oh, darling, I’m so sorry.”

“No, you aren’t.”

Mr. Fell grinned up at him. “I’m not. But will you let me make it up to you? I found a bottle of your favorite wine in the cellar yesterday. Maybe we could go for a drive tonight, a couple of hours into the country and do some stargazing? Somewhere very private?”

Mr. Crowley blushed just a little, and he hauled his husband into his arms. “For a start, angel,” he grumbled.

Mr. Fell glanced at the three on the couch and winked.

*****

In my headcanon for this series, these two went to Mardi Gras in New Orleans like 150 years ago, got drunk, made out like mad for 5 minutes, and then never talked about it again until after the Abotchalypse, when they discovered that they’d both been privately celebrating it as an anniversary ever since.

Stay tuned for more Lloyd in the next ficlet!

Mr. Fell’s bookshop ficlets master post

Find me on Ao3: HolyCatsAndRabbits (Dannye Chase)

[lady-divine-writes]

Ineffable Valentine’s “A Treatise of Fruit Trees” (Rated PG13)

Summary: Aziraphale tries his hand at getting Crowley an expensive present, but ends up with a sour, jealous Crowley instead. (1740 words)

Notes: Written for the Ineffable Valentine's prompt 'grand gesture'.

Read on AO3.

“Thank you so much for the scrumptious lunch.” And for keeping me out over an hour, Aziraphale scowls, but mainly at himself. He could have excused himself a dozen times, but it’s hard to justify burning bridges when you may need to cross them again later. “It was quite unnecessary though.”

“What? It’s not every day a valued customer sends me on such an intriguing assignment. I wanted to thank you properly,” Aziraphale’s cohort says, too smoothly to be construed as simply a friendly response.

“You were more than qualified for the job.” Aziraphale puts on a slight burst of speed, staying one step ahead of the man in black who seems determined to accompany him to his door. He wishes he would have let him walk back to his bookshop alone from the restaurant. His presence unnerves him.

Plus, it would give Aziraphale less explaining to do.

Aziraphale can already feel him, hunkered down in the bookshop, seething on the sofa nearly five hours earlier than expected.

Since it’s a straight shot from the restaurant to his bookshop, Aziraphale has no luck shaking the man. The two of them get to his doorstep together, and Aziraphale sighs the long, exasperated sigh of a doomed man.

“Yes, well, I’d best get back to work,” he says, trying his best to politely blow his companion off. “Busy day ahead of me.”

“Is that so?”

“That’s so,” he answers and waits for goodbye, but the man looks at him expectantly. What in the world does he want? Aziraphale screams in his head. Aziraphale doesn’t have another job for him, and he’s already paid him for this one, including interest.

It doesn’t hit him fully until the man leans closer, hazel eyes locked on Aziraphale’s flustered face, the question “Aren’t you going to invite me in?” unspoken but etched in the lines of his grin because he can’t say it out loud, can he. Not him. Not in his profession. It’s not the sort of thing he’d want people to know about so he definitely doesn’t advertise.

But if it’s offered to him, who is he to turn it down?

They stand in close proximity on Aziraphale’s doorstep - Aziraphale with his hand on the knob, gauging the right time to turn it and duck in; the man lingering on the edge of kissing distance, waiting for the invitation he’s certain is moments away from coming.

When it doesn’t, when the pause between them goes on for so incredibly long that they’re starting to attract attention, the man backs away, frowning with more disappointment than anger.

“That wasn’t easy to come by,” he says, motioning to the cloth wrapped package clutched firmly but carefully in Aziraphale’s hand. “I hope whoever gets it … I hope it’s appreciated.”

There’s something veiled in that statement, but Aziraphale doesn’t dig deeper in search of it. He smiles, as warmly and genuinely as he can under the circumstances.

“As do I, my good man. As do I.”

He sends a hint of blessing his way, to soothe the sting of rejection and mend fences between them.

Again because Aziraphale may need his help fetching another difficult item in the future.

The man tips his hat. He turns on his heel, glaring at any passersby who dare shoot a glance his way, then walks off, blending with the crowd. Aziraphale deflates against his door. He doesn’t particularly like dealing with hired men. He avoids it when he can. The majority of the stuff he requires, even the gray area items, he can usually acquire through legal means.

This one, however - a book of particularly desirable provenance - was taking too long, and Aziraphale had lost patience.

But now that that’s done with, he doesn’t go into his bookshop right away. He’s dealt with one aggressive and domineering gentleman.

He has one more to suss out before he can call it a day.

He can’t linger on the doorstep forever. Someone might notice him there, wonder if he’s opening up shop.

Might want to come in and browse his shelves for something to buy.

He’d rather fend off a gloomy Crowley than a customer any day of the week.

He forgoes his key and unlocks his door with a turn of the doorknob. He’s greeted by thin streaming light from the afternoon sun blocked by heavy drapes; the musty smell of old books combined with a touch of magicked mildew, meant to keep the odd lookie-loos away; and one dreary demon, sulking on the sofa in the corner.

“Good date, angel?” he growls right as Aziraphale gets a look at him. And even though Crowley is staring him down like a predator, Aziraphale can’t help noticing how exquisitely handsome he looks. He’s gone all out, dressed to the nines - black suit, top hat, leather gloves, cane. On the table beside him stands a bottle of champagne, a bouquet of roses wrapped in thick pink paper and tied with a satin ribbon, and a large, gold box of chocolates.

Truffles. Aziraphale’s favorites.

They’re all Aziraphale’s favorites.

Especially the demon.

“Crowley! What a surprise!” Aziraphale counters brightly, trying to save the day. “I didn’t see you there.”

“Obviously. Didn’t see me here, didn’t return my calls, haven’t been in your bookshop for over an hour. If I remember correctly, you and I had a dinner date planned for tonight.”

“We still do. But you are tremendously early, my dear.”

“Don’t call me that,” Crowley grumbles.

“For Heaven’s sake, why not?”

“Wha---why no---why not!?” Crowley launches to his feet, tossing his hat and glasses aside so that Aziraphale won’t mistake his anger for anything less. “You’re stepping out on me and you’re asking me why not!?”

“I’m not stepping out on you. I did not go out on a date. I was having a meeting with an associate. It just so happened to take place over lunch.”

“On Valentine’s Day?”

“Yes. It’s also a Friday, you know. A perfectly respectable work day for many people in the world.”

“Don’t get cute with me.”

Aziraphale smirks even though he knows that will more than likely set him adrift in dangerous territory. “Then how shall I get, my dear? Tell me.”

“Apologetic might be nice.”

“Of course.” Aziraphale boldly walks up to his sour-faced demon and clears his throat. “Crowley … I’m sorry. Truly, truly sorry.”

Crowley tilts his nose up, sniffs contentiously. “That’s bet---”

“I’m sorry you saw me bidding adieu to an associate and decided to jump to outlandish conclusions without hearing my side of the story.”

“What’s the point!?” Crowley snaps, tossing frustrated hands in the air. “How do I know you’re not going to lie?”

Aziraphale’s brow furrows in offense. “I wouldn’t lie! I’m an angel!”

“In my experience, angels lie plenty. That includes you.”

“Preposterous. When have I lied?”

“You … you …” Crowley sputters, his face growing redder with each syllable “… you downright lied to the Almighty!”

“I mean recently. Besides, I may have bent the truth a tiny bit over one little thing …”

“It was about your bloody flaming sword!”

“Which didn’t turn out to be all that important in the long run. Heaven got it back.”

“B---but … but … She’s the Almighty!”

“Semantics don’t necessarily help your argument, dear. Speaking of, here.” Aziraphale thrusts the cloth-covered package into Crowley’s hands before he can continue his argument. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Crowley looks the package over suspiciously, which annoys Aziraphale to no end. If he’d simply unwrap it, he’d see what it is. It’s not even fastened shut in any way! “What’s this?”

“What does it look like? It’s a present. I would have wrapped it in paper like a civilized person, but you’re not giving me a moment’s peace.”

Crowley finds a loose edge and slowly unwraps the object from its cloth. When he reaches the worn cover (not the original - this book doesn’t have a cover, comes from an era where it wasn’t deemed worthy of one), he stops, breath hitched between sigh and sentiment.

“A Treatise of Fruit Trees?” he reads off the first page.

“A-ha,” Aziraphale says, stifling a grin. “It took quite a bit of finagling to track down and get, but yes.”

“But … that must have taken ages.”

“It did.”

Crowley turns the pages with a single finger lest they crumble under his touch. “And you wasted all that time, went through all that trouble for this boring ass book?”

“Yes, well, you wrote that boring ass book. Under the name Thomas Hitt, which I never understood.”

“It was an inside joke,” Crowley murmurs. “But it sold. Over a decade ago. For around four million, if I remember correctly,” he says, rather smugly. “Did you … buy it back?”

“Not exactly.”

“That man …” Crowley gasps, which sounds comical since Crowley isn’t normally prone to gasping “… he stole it!?”

“Of course, he stole it! It was in a museum. In a vault. It couldn’t even be examined by someone with the credentials to do so, and believe me, I tried.”

Crowley stares at him, mouth agape, a mixture of surprise, and possibly pride, lifting the corners of his lips. Aziraphale sees it grow wider and rolls his eyes.

“Come now. It wasn’t that big a deal. You act like I don’t dabble in the diabolical from time to time. You’re usually the one performing the grand gestures, hunting down the expensive presents. I wanted to try my hand at it for once.”

“But, angel,” Crowley says when his voice comes back to him, “I don’t …”

“I know, I know …” Aziraphale waves his discomfort away with his hand “… you don’t want expensive presents from me. You’ve said it before. You can buy me all the fancy gadgets you deem necessary, but I get you one little book …”

Crowley shakes his head over the remark about one little book. “That wasn’t what I was going to say.”

“Then what were you going to say?”

“I was going to say …” Crowley sets the book down on the plushest of the sofa cushions, then takes a rigid Aziraphale in his arms “… that with everything I’ve done wrong, I have no idea what I did right to deserve you.”

“I dare say you don’t,” Aziraphale says, melting in his demon’s embrace with the cheekiest of grins. “But I love you all the same.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #290

“you’re a little pistol, & i’m fuckin’ pistol-whipped.”

What’s the biggest argument you’ve ever had with a family member? Did things ever go back to how they were beforehand? Definitely something with Mom. The biggest was probably in the car one night where she got so mad at me that she tried to kick me out of the car. No, I didn't listen. I don't really remember exactly what we were arguing about... other than it was something small that blew up about bigger themes. Have you ever experienced some kind of natural disaster? Hurricanes. If you have pets, do you feed them human food or do they just get regular pet food? If they do get human food, what’s their favorite thing to have? Roman only gets cat food. He's actually really well-trained about not taking human food after he did once as a kitten. Now he might just sniff around curiously and give it a look, but food can be pretty close to him and he doesn't go for it. Have you ever been in a physical fight? Who won? No. What were you lighting the last time you used a lighter or matches? Probably a candle. What’s the mode of transport that you take or use the most? Mom's car. Are there any sequels to things that you prefer to the original? I'm sure. Oh, Shrek comes to mind; I love the original, but the second is my favorite. What games do you play on your phone, if any at all? Just Pokemon GO, really. I have a couple others up there just for my niece and nephew to play. Aside from family, who was the last person you spent time with? How do you know that person? miss rona doesn't allow "hanging out." Do you spend a lot of money on your appearance? No. Have you ever had a zoo keeper experience or anything where you’ve been able to go behind the scenes and look after/feed the animals? I wish! :( Do you have an item that is your good luck charm? No. Your favorite thing about your job (or school)? N/A Least favorite thing about your job (or school)? N/A Do you have a "funny" toenail? No. Favorite canned soup? Meh, not a soup person. Do you have a particular coffee mug you drink from? No. Your take on declawing cats? It's cruel as fuck and you're despicable if you think it's all good and well to torture your cat like that. Do you have smoke detectors in your home? Yeah. What was your favorite snuggle toy when you were a child? First it was my little stuffed bunny that held a polka-dotted blanket, but through most of my childhood I cuddled a stuffed moose I got from Ohio at Cabela's. Brownie is still on top of my dresser. :') What did you do on your first date? Got Sonic and saw Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance in the theater. I had the weirdest first date in that he invited my mom lmao. I still count it as our first one, though. The last time you let someone go, was it to make yourself happy or them? Myself. Who was the last person that could tell something was wrong with you? My ma. Have you ever thought about online dating? If so, were you desperate? Well I had a long-distance relationship, but it wasn't through a dating app or anything. Had one of those once and am mortified by it (even though no one shoud be), but no, I wouldn't have called myself "desperate." I was just incredibly lonely. Do you try not to take a lot of medicine or do you take it whenever? I just take it if I need it, honestly. I've been medicated pretty heavily most of my life, so whatever. Are you ever scared of people reading your survey answers? I wouldn't put them out there if I was. Would you ever go back to your most recent ex? That's the plan if things go ideally, but I'm not letting my hopes get too high. It'll be nice if that happened, but I'll still live on if not. What’s your best friend’s pet’s name(s)? She has lots of pets. There's Martha, Crowley, Little Dot, Jane Marie, Doris, Buster, Mango, and for her fish, I only know the one pleco's name: Raisha. When was the last time you got a splinter? I'm not sure. Are there any spiders in your room right now? I mean, probably. Somewhere. Have you ever taken a picture while laying in the grass? Not of myself. Who’s your favorite Disney charater? Dory. Are there any framed pictures of you in your house? In family shots, yes. What was the first television show you were obsessed with? Pokemon. Do you and your friends normally say you love one another? Definitely. How often would you say you get sick? Almost never. Let's not jinx it. Is there anything you get for free as a benefit for being a member of something? No. When were you the saddest in your life? 2016 was a year I'd wish upon absofuckinglutely nobody. Do you think bald guys are attractive? It would depend on the person? I don't find them inherently unattractive or attractive. If you don’t recognize the number of who’s calling, do you answer anyway? Nope. How do you pronounce route? "Rowt" What's the last thing you looked at under a microscope? Something during a biology lab when I was still in school. We looked at a number of stuff. Pretty cool. What internet service provider do you have? ... We just moved and changed providers and I already don't remember. Do you ever hear of something disgusting that you haven’t seen, so you go and look it up? This is very rare. If something is *disgusting*, I don't exactly wanna see it. If you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be? I'd have to think on this. I'm not opposed to a subtle face tat anyway, maybe near my ear or eye. Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear? No... but I've always kinda wanted a partner to lmao that's cute as fuck. Who was the last person you were “in a relationship with” on Facebook (including anyone you may have put “in a relationship with” for a joke)? Sara. Were you ever “the other man/woman”? How did it turn out? How do you feel about it today? No, and I never would be. What do you think of open relationships? If your partner suggested it, what would you say? Not for me whatsoever, but it works for some people. I'd honestly leave the relationship because I'd feel like I wasn't good enough. Would you ever date out of your race? I have before, would do it again with no problems. Have you ever had a reptile for a pet? Oh, plenty! Did you have a swing set when you were a kid? Yes. Swings were my favorite outdoor "toy" as a kid. What is a book that you really want to read? The Testaments by Margaret Atwood. I fucking adore The Handmaid's Tale and I literally have the book, I'm just too into WoF to make time for it. What is something that you really want to try, whether it’s a hobby, food, etc.? A lot of things. I guess to name one... wow, now that I'm actually thinking, nothing is coming to me, lmao. What sort of things do you like to post or look at on Tumblr? Mark-related stuff, what a shocker. What type of people are you usually attracted to? "Different," but not in a super weird-you-out way. I like clearly unique, truly one-of-a-kind people. What song are you listening to at the moment? "Watching For Comets" by Skillet is on. I'm surprised I feel okay listening to it. How often do you take naps and how long do they usually last? Almost daily. They can be an hour or two... embarrassingly, haha. Who’s one person who changed how you viewed something? Hannah Hart on gay rights. How many pillows do you like to sleep with? Two. What was the best conversation you’ve had recently? I dunno. Have you ever considered modeling? Nooooooooooo sir. When was the last time you did something daring? ME? DARING? Who in the world knows. List five of your favorite foreign foods. Uhhhh. 1.) This requires a lot of thinking and 2.) I'm very uninformed in what is *actually* truly foreign food that I've eaten and not just an American adaptation. I'm not very adventurous with foods, either, especially when I know it's "foreign." What types of seafood are your favorite? I just like shrimp. Do you write a lot for pleasure? I wouldn't say "a lot" anymore. Do you like bacon? Oh yeah. Do you like Rammstein? Hell yeah, they're in my favorites list. Have you ever been to a State Fair? Maybe, but I don't think so. Do you like YouTube? Maaan, I don't know what I'd do without it lmao. If so what's your favorite channel? I like that Mark R. Pliers guy a little bit, and lately I've really been digging Snake Discovery and Hazelnuttygames. Good Mythical Morning/Rhett and Link are deep, deep in my heart still, even though I don't watch them anymore. There is truly a *lot*, it's why I don't need television, haha. What is your favorite small dog breed? Papillons, probably. When was the last time you went through a McDonald's Playplace? Oh yikes, no clue. I definitely haven't ~really~ been in one since I was much younger (uhhhh and smaller), but I do have a faint memory of starting to go in one chasing after a kid. Maybe my nephew when he and his dad visited? idr What was the first comic book you ever had an obsession over? I was never into comics. Do you like kids pop-up books? BITCH you are LYING if you say you don't like looking at the cool effects lmao. Have you ever ridden a camel? No. Have you ever punched somebody? No. Can you sing opera? Oh, definitely not. Who was the last person you video-called with? Have you done this more often since COVID hit? My therapist, and you could say that, considering I never did before because I hate video calls. If you have pets, when was the last time one of them annoyed you? What happened? Roman (my cat) was just playing too rough with my hand. He's always hyper in the morning. When was the last time you took a dog out for a walk? Is this your own dog or did you borrow someone else’s? Wow... it's been many years. I walked Teddy sometimes, but that definitely slowed down and eventually came to a halt as he aged and his joints got bad; he would hesitate going down the porch steps, and I didn't want him to get too tired mid-walk and then have to go up them. Have you ever been the victim of a theft or robbery? What was stolen? Did the police ever catch the person who did it? No, thankfully. Are you a fan of garlic bread? Do you eat it on its own or as part of a bigger meal? Garlic bread would ruin my life if I let it, lmao. It's always a side. When was the last time your area was under some kind of weather warning? Did it end up being as bad as predicted? There was literally a tornado warning three days ago. I don't think so, no, but then again I didn't really look into it. Do you prefer having the blinds/curtains open or closed when you’re at home? Does it depend on the weather or the time of day? OPEN. You NEED natural light, I promise. I used to like my room as dark as possible in my worst times, but I am so glad I cut that out. I like, feel a part of me lighten up when I open my blinds in the morning. Who was the last person to tag you in something on social media? How do you know that person? My mom shared something that reminded her of Roman. Have you ever eaten a Big Mac? No; I don't like lettuce in my burgers, so I'm sure I wouldn't like it. What brand is your vacuum cleaner? I'd have to check. Where was your favorite hangout as a kid? So at my childhood home, down the road was a "stream" (aka a ditch and drainage pipe going underneath the road) that usually had at least some water in it, but if it rained, it really started to feel more like a real stream to us kids because of the movement. It drained into the pond just beyond the woods, and my sisters and some neighbors loved to play around that area. What’s your favorite pizza topping? Pepperoni,ig. Which sport do you suck at the most? All of 'em lol. My hand-eye coordination is awful, and hell no can I run. Are you good at rapping? I've never tried, but I'm certain I wouldn't be. I stutter so badly, and it's been getting worse. Can you say the alphabet in more than one language? I know it in German. Do you eat three meals a day? It varies. What do you want out of life? Fulfillment. To feel like I did something worthwhile.

[ourownsideimagines]

Anger Comes In Many Forms (Aziraphale x fem!Reader)

Characters: Reader (Female), Aziraphale

Requested: Yes

Requested by: @walrusgoddess​

Point of View: Third person omniscient

Warnings: Cussing, violence (not a lot), and soft bean Az, and ALMOST NO EDITING

Words:  2379

A/N: OKAY LISTEN, so I had something planned out w/ the reader and Az coming back from the shop from lunch and being harassed (and the reader of course sticking up for Az), but then I had the most wonderful idea of her just fucking decking Gabriel and had to write it. I hope this fits your idea hun!

—

Aziraphale did not get angry often. Some people would assume he didn’t get angry at all -- these people, of course, were wrong. Crowley knew that best, from experience. The angel has been a little more than irked by his fallen friend. His girlfriend has also learned this oddly fast, after experiencing a fight between her angel and his favorite demon. She didn’t have the faintest idea what the argument was about, because as soon as she’d entered the shop Crowley excused himself and stormed out, leaving her to calm down Az.

(Name) on the other hand, had a bit of a tempter, and often it got her into trouble. She’d given Az heart attack on multiple occasions when she would tell off a man twice her size for cutting them in line, or when she would tell men who were very obviously a part of the mafia to fuck off when they entered the bookstore. He loved her dearly, but her temper was going to kill him one day.

Today might as well have been that day.

Aziraphale had told (name) about his boss, Gabriel, on a handful of occasions. Often in complaints about how the archangel didn’t care about the end of the world, and would let everyone burn in the fires of armageddon.

(Name) had never met Gabriel, but she already hated his guts.

She remembers when Az had come to her, upset, because he’d tried once more to convince Gabriel that there was something they could do and he not only rejected the idea, but had made a rude comment about his weight. That was the final straw for (name), and she was prepared for murder.

(Name) had been away from the shop, grabbing some lunch, trying not to think of the fact that the world could end at quite literally any minute. On her way back, she could smell smoke in the air and began to worry. It was when she saw the roaring flames spilling out of the bookshop doors that the food left her hands, and her feet carried her to the building.

She ignored the pain of forcing the doors open, and flung herself inside.

“Aziraphale!” She shouted, but got no response. “Az!” With an arm out in front of her, she took a step towards the backroom, but was stopped when a beam fell from above, effectively blocking her path.

The world around her began to spin, and (name) began to cough violently.

“Aziraphale!” Someone cried from behind her. “(Name)!”

“Crowley!” She called back. The demon came into sight, storming his way towards her. Tears fell from her eyes, both from upset and from the fire. “He’s gone!” She sobbed. “I left to get lunch, and when I got back… Oh god, Crowley.” (Name) let out a low, pained moan as the demon dragged her into his arms, protecting her from the fire.

“Some bastard,” Crowley growled, making sure nothing fell over the both of them. “Killed my best friend.” He hissed. The two didn’t stay much longer in the shop, knowing that it would kill (name) to stay in there. After grabbing something off of one of the tables, Crowley lead her to his car, tossing his ruined sunglasses away in the process, allowing (name) for the first time to see the yellow snake eyes Az had once offhandedly mentioned that the demon had, when she had asked why he wore them all the time.

“Get in.” He all but snapped, trying to collect himself as he got in the driver's seat. (Name) got in beside him, not strong enough to make any arguments.

“He’s gone…” She croaked.

“Discorporated.” Crowley hissed. “And the bastards probably won’t even give him a new body.”

And Crowley was right. Because as (name) and Crowley sat at the bar, Crowley drunk, and (name) halfway there, Aziraphale appeared to them, albeit transparent to say that he’d left notes in the prophecy book they’d accidentally taken from the girl they’d hit with Crowley’s car (of which, conveniently, was the book Crowley had taken from the shop).

That’s how you found yourself stuck in traffic on the way out of London, towards Tadfeild, and why Crowley was suddenly cursing himself for messing with the shape of the M25.

“Come on, there must be some way across this.” Crowley muttered, reaching over you to grab the prophecy book. “Burning roads. Did you predict this, Agnes?” As Crowley began to flip through the pages, a hand reached of from the backseat, causing (name) to scream and jump away. Hastur crushed the new pair of glass with his hands and tossed it onto the seat beside him as Crowley grimaced. He then pulled you closer to him, in case Hastur got any ideas.

“You’ll never escape London.” The duke said matter-of-factly. “Nothing can.”

“Hastur!” Crowley said icily. “How was your time in voicemail?”

“Funny ha-ha, joke all you like, Crowley.” Hastur grumbled. “There’s nowhere to run.”

“Aren’t you to be lining up, ready for battle around now?” Crowley gave (name) a light squeeze when he realizes just how nervous she had become.

“Hell will not forget.” Hastur replied. “Hell will not forgive. You know where the real Antichrist is, don’t you.” Even (name) knew it wasn’t a question. “You’ll never reach him. You’re done Crowley. You think you’re going to get the both of you across that?” The flames before the car seemed to grow at the duke’s words. Crowley used his free arm to select a CD, much to (name)’s confusion. “There’s nowhere to go.”

“Let’s find out.” Crowley slipped the CD into the player.

“What- wh- why are you driving.” (Name) could hear the distaste in Hastur’s voice.

“Crowley,” She muttered.

“Trust me on this,” He mumbled back.

“That’s- what- Stop this thing!” Hastur demanded, and (name) slowly began to recognize the tune of Queen’s ‘I’m in Love With My Car’.

“You know the thing I like best about time?” Crowley drawled. “It’s that every day it takes us further away from the 14th century.” Crowley kept an arm around (name), and one hand firmly on the wheel. He gave her a tight squeeze. “I really didn’t like the 14th century. You’d have loved it then, Hastur. (Name), not so much. They didn’t have any cars back in the 14th century.” Crowley continued to speak as they drove closer, and closer to the raging fire. (Name) had half a mind to force the wheel to the other direction, but she was too scared to even more let alone tussle with the kind demon.

As they plunged into the fire, (name) was surprised to find that it was not hot -- whatever Crowley was doing to keep her safe, she hoped it would last, because even from her seat she could hear Hastur’s skin bubble and ignite. She tried to ignore his screams of pain, and Crowley’s howls of laughter, or the way he screamed at the burning car even after they’d finally exited the fire and entered the London rain.

The next few events happened in a blur -- they arrived at the Tadfeild Naval base, where (name) discovered that Aziraphale had taken possession of an older woman, who herself was accompanied by an older gentleman. They’d followed a group of four kids, led by the Antichrist, onto the base.

(Name) was shocked when Az pulled a gun on the Antichrist, and almost tackled him was it not for Tracy taking control back momentarily, causing them to misfire into the air.

“Why are you two people?” The Antichrist, Adam, asked. Az began to stumble over his words, but Adam stopped him. “I think you should go back to being two separate people.” At his words, Tracy’s form became distorted, and out of her Az stumbled ungracefully into (name). She almost cried in joy, throwing her arms around him. She pulled back suddenly, frowning.

“Were you just about to shoot an eleven year old boy?” She glowered at him. His eyes widened.

“I- oh - ah- Yes! But he’s the Antichrist!”

“He’s a child, Aziraphale.” She scoffed. “If I remember correctly, even you believed in nurture over nature.” That seemed to shut him up, if only momentarily, as they watched Adam’s three friends use a flaming sword to defeat three of the four horsemen.

“Wasn’t that your sword?” Crowley asked.

“Yes,” Az said. “Yes, I do believe it was.”

“You had a flaming sword?” (Name) asked. “Did you lose it?”

“Now I… gave it away.” He said, his cheeks flushing pink. (Name) would have questioned it further if not for Death’s departure. “See Crowley, it’s like I said-”

“Oh it isn't over.” Crowley said, shaking his head. “It’s far from over. Heaven and Hell still want their war.” Crowley stepped away, towards the children. “You, boy. Antichrist. What was your name again?”

“Adam Young.”

“So your friends got together and saved the world. Well done, have a gold star, won’t make any difference.” (Name)’s head swamped with confusion as a man and woman approached, the woman shouting at Crowley about how he had stolen her book, of which he tossed back to her. A slip of burnt paper floated downward, which Az caught, but would not let (name) see before slipping it into his pocket.

(Name) jumped out of her skin when a crack of thunder rang through the air, and a bolt of lightning struck the ground behind them. Az held her close as a nicely dressed man appeared, another figure appearing shortly after, rising from the ground, a gigantic fly adorning their head like a hat. They approached, moving past the group to stand on the other side of them.

“Lord Beelzebub.” Crowley said as he did an over exaggerated bow. “It’s an honor.”

“Crowley.” Said Beelzebub. “The traitor.”

“That’s not a nice word.” Crowley grimaced as he stood back up

“All the words I have for you are worse. Where’s the boy.” Crowley turned to look at Adam.

“That one.” The nicely dressed man spoke. “Adam Young.” He moved closer to the kids, stopping a few feet from Adam. “Young man… Armageddon must.. Restart.” He said with an unconvincing smile. “Right now. A temporary inconvenience cannot get in the way of the greater good.” By now, (name) had determined from Az’s previous descriptions that this was Gabriel, and that he was just as much of an asshole as he had been described. She watched as, together, Gabriel and Beelzebub attempted to convince Adam to restart armegeddon.

“Excuse me,” Az began to move closer to Adam, you following along, not wanting to leave his side, and him not wanting to argue. “You keep talking about the great plan.”

“Aziraphale, maybe you should just keep your mouth shut.” Gabriel demanded.

“One thing I’m not clear on.” Az ignores him. “Is that the ineffable plan?”

“The great plan!” Beelzebub snaps. “It is written. There shall be a world, it shall last for 6000 years and end in fire and flames.”

“Yes, yes, that sounds like the great plan.” Aziraphale gave your hand a tight squeeze as he spoke. “Just wondering. Is that the ineffable plan as well?” That’s when the realization hit (name) -- neither of them knew. Of course they didn’t know!

They just wanted war.

“Well, they’re the same thing!” Gabriel exclaimed after a few tense moments of silence.

“You don’t know.” Crowley and (name) said in unison, catching attention. Crowley sauntered over to stand with his friends.

“You know, it’d be a pity if you’d thought you were doing what the great plan said, but you were actually going directly against God’s ineffable plan.” Crowley looked around as he continued. “I mean, everyone knows the great plan, yeah? But the ineffable plan… It’s well… It’s ineffable isn’t it? By definition we can’t know it.”

“But…” Beelzebub frowned. “It is… written.”

“God does not play games with the universe.” Gabriel argued.

“Where have you been?” Crowley scoffed.

“Obviously not on earth.” (Name) muttered as Gabriel took aside Beelzebub to speak. (Name) turned again to Az, about to say something when the archangel shouted.

“Well at least we know who’s fault it is!” He snapped, eyes landing on the group. (Name) had had about enough of him, and tore herself away from Az to take the few steps to Gabriel. Az and Crowley both called to her, curiosity laced in their worry. Gabriel sneered down at her. “And what do you want-”

(Name) had only punched two other people in her lifetime, one of those being Crowley (for reasons she would rather not mention), the other being her older brother. Neither had felt as satisfactory as landing a perfect punch on the angels stupidly perfect face. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see that Beelzebub was almost amused by the situation as Gabriel held his face. (Name) didn’t know if it was out of actual pain or from surprise, but she glared at him all the same.

“That’s for calling my boyfriend fat you bloody prick.” She spat. “And for all the other times you treated him like shit.” There was suddenly a hand on her shoulder, and she allowed Crowley to pull her back towards the group.

“She-“ Gabriel resurfaced, hand still over his face, but (name) was satisfied when she saw the slow drip of blood onto the pavement. “She broke my nose!”

“Oh, get over it, she could have done way worse.” Crowley gave her a knowing glance and she looked away sheepishly. She ignored the constant returning glare from Gabriel as he and Beelzebub promised to tell Adam’s father (Satan) about him ‘misbehaving’. As they finally disappeared, (name) brought herself to finally look at Aziraphale, whom had been staring at her with flushed cheeks.

“Did you… did you really do… that,” He fumbled over his words as he took a step toward (name), his cheeks only burning hotter as he refused to meet her gaze. “Did you just punch an archangel… for me?”

“I’d have done much more to that asshole if Crowley hadn’t pulled me away.” She promised. She grabbed his burning cheeks and planted a soft kiss to his lips. “No one insults my angel and gets away with it. I’d do anything to protect you, my love.” Az pulled her into a tight hug, too flustered to do much of anything else.

“Hey, you two.” Crowley said. “There are kids, don’t go getting call cutesy.” You rolled your eyes, but gently took your significant other's hand, prepared for whatever might come next, because he was at your side.

Then, the ground began to shake.

[callunavulgari]

TOP 25 FICS OF 2019

1. these roads will take you into your own country by @notbecauseofvictories | American Gods | Laura Moon/Mad Sweeney | WIP | 33k

Here’s a joke for you: a Muslim, a zombie, and a leprechaun walk into a bar in Misery, Indiana. No one stares, because no one in the puckered, shitty asshole of Misery, Indiana gives a fuck. The Colts are playing.

Heather Says: So. It’s funny that another of @notbecauseofvictories‘s stories is at the top of my list again this year. Keep in mind this list is sorted by when the fic was read rather than favorites (because that would get real complicated real quick). Clearly there must be something about January. There’s just something about the writing that is easy to slip into, be it a Star Wars fic or a Labyrinth fic or even a fic about Johnny and the Devil. This was lovely and I can’t wait until it’s finished.

2. eighteen wheels on an uphill climb by @honkforhankcon | Detroit: Become Human | Hank/Connor | 91k

Hank is going to die. He’s going to die right here in Kentucky, 53 years old, halfway to broke, and tragically sober. Survived only by a nine-year-old St. Bernard and the 31-year-old twink who delivered the fatal blow.

Heather Says: I don’t think that this is the first DBH fic that I sought out after beating the game, but it is the first that I loved enough to make it to this list. I didn’t think that I would go for a modern au for this fandom, certainly not a modern au wihere Hank is a truck driver and Connor is a sex worker (albeit briefly?) but here I am.

3. Fuck pride (pride only hurts, it never helps) by ImogenGotDrunk | Detroit: Become Human | RK900/Gavin Reed | 41k

After the android uprising, Connor becomes a permanent fixture in the DPD. That’s fine. Gavin can accept that. The dipshit’s more human than he used to be, and a decent detective to boot. Gavin can deal with him being around. What Gavin cannot deal with is Connor’s replica; two inches taller, blue-eyed, and with a mouth that Gavin doesn’t know whether to punch or take between his teeth. The RK900 model has been assigned as his partner for the foreseeable future.

Heather Says: I also never thought that I’d like a fic with Gavin in it. But I got curious about all the Reed900, and well, this fic really won me over. The writing is fantastic, and it softens Gavin while still keeping him believable. Also, well, I like the enemies to lovers thing.

4. Almost Cool by @blacktofade | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 30k

While filming the Yuma Territorial Prison episode, Shane gets bitten by what he thinks is a bat. Spoiler alert: it's not.

Heather Says: This is actually the first thing that I read for this fandom. In fact, this is the fic that got me into Buzzfeed Unsolved in the first place. I’d seen a lot of art and gifs and fics pass my way, but I was only ever slightly interested in what I saw until this fic came through my inbox and piqued my curiosity. 

5. Pride by @astolat | Game of Thrones | Jaime/Brienne/Cersei | 22k

Jaime didn’t understand why Cersei suddenly insisted on trimming his hair and shaving his beard, but he also didn’t care to fight her on it, even though he’d just as soon have kept the beard: it was bitterly cold in the small tower room with its arrow-slits. 

Heather Says: Wowza. This fic was intense. I’ve always loved Jaime and Brienne. I’ve loved them since the second book, which was read at least a few years before I started loving them in the show. Adding Cersei to their dynamic would have probably been almost impossible to pull off if it was anyone else, but @astolat lives to surpass my expectations.

6. Skin and Scales by Ernmark | The Penumbra Podcast | Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla | 18k

The man glares, and this time, Damien is certain it isn’t a trick of the light: those eyes are violet as amethyst. He wears disdain like a second skin–- or, perhaps, like the scales that he is missing. “Lord Arum?”

Heather Says: I was one of those people who skipped through all of the Second Citadel episodes during my first listen through of Penumbra. The stories were good, but the pull of Juno was too great. A couple months after I finished, I went back and listened to everything I didn’t. And let me tell you. Lizard monster. Honorable knight. Bookish girlfriend. Poly. It hit every single button I had and then some. This fic really hit the spot when I ran out of story.

7. someone you like by caela | She-Ra | Adora/Catra | 5k

catwithabat u think ur so hipster but u just look like a lesbian 27m she_ra @catwithabat bc… i’m a lesbian. lmao 5m

Heather Says: Noooot usually a big fan of high school fics. Namely because I’m not in high school anymore and well, after you read so many in your teenage years they sort of lose their luster. This one was phenomenal enough to change my mind.

8. Sands of Time by @tirsynni | Legend of Zelda | Ganondorf/Link | WIP | 98k

Link awakens in the desert with no idea how he got there, to encounter his worst enemy...except it was the King of the Gerudo, not the King of Evil, he faced.

Heather Says: I have seen a lot of really good Link/Ganondorf art over the years, but never really stumbled across a fic that didn’t have judicious amount of non-con involved. But the Breath of the Wild 2 trailer happened, and everybody started drawing really pretty art, so I went looking. And lo and behold, @tirsynni saved the day with this gorgeous time travel/fix-it fic. 

9. killed with kindness by veterization | Persona 5 | Akechi/Akira | 52k

Goro can't quite figure out why so many people keep acting like they're his friend. (Or: the one where the Phantom Thieves decide to know thy enemy, befriend thy enemy, love thy enemy, crush on thy enemy).

Heather Says: I’ve read a couple of veterization’s fics over the years, and to date they have never disappointed me. They published this in June, and I think I clicked on it mostly because I was bored and hadn’t read any good P5 fic yet. This was basically just what the doctor ordered, and I was really happy to find something where Akechi’s story went ever so slightly different.

10. paper thin by @ebonybow | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane/Sara | 9k

Shane’s new neighbors are a morning-sex kind of couple.

Heather Says: So I went into this one knowing very little about how Sara fit into things. I didn’t know she was Shane’s girlfriend. I’d never even seen her, but I clicked because I like poly and I trust the author. I was 100% not disappointed. There’s also another fic with a very similar dynamic here, which is also aces.

11. damn.nation, now available on itunes by @kaikamahine | Good Omens | Aziraphale/Crowley | 11k

When lowly tempt-pusher Amphora (formerly of Stairwell 7B North, before she Fell,) gets the notice that end times are nigh, she gleefully quits her job and cancels her Netflix subscription and takes her place among the legions of hell. This, it turns out, was a bad plan.

Heather Says: Elizabeth may have only written one fic this year, but she made it a damn good one. I’ve always loved her OCs especially, so I was pretty tickled that this is 10k+ of outsider pov. Also, demons! Demons are great! This demon is great! I want like 9 seasons and a movie about Amphora, just saying.

12. The Dragon and Her Wolves by hapakitsune | Game of Thrones | Jon/Sansa/Daenarys | 60k

When the truth of Jon's birthright is revealed, control of the North and Daenerys's claim to the Iron Throne are both called into question. To preserve their tenuous alliance and secure her rule, Daenerys puts aside her personal feelings to arrange a marriage of political convenience between Jon and Sansa Stark.

Heather Says: What do you mean season 8 didn’t exist and the show totally ended with a three way relationship between the two most powerful women in Westeros and Jon Snow? Never been a big fan of Jon/Sansa before this, but this is another of those writers that I would literally trust if they wrote a fic about a fork and a spoon.

13. never tell me the odds by @wildehacked | Wolf 359 | Eiffel/Hera | 9k

“I tried Star Wars," he says, adjusting the phone under his neck, "and it was way underwhelming.”

A shaky breath from her end. “Well, where did you start?”

Heather Says: I don’t remember which of @wildehacked‘s fandoms I started reading first. Most recently it’s been The Magnus Archives (more on this later). The point is, they’d written Wolf 359 fic and it had Hera and Eiffel and it was literally everything that I’ve been looking for since the series ended.

14. Find Me Somebody by raiining | Good Omens | Warlock/Adam Young | 11k

“You left me,” he said. “You both left me, for him. And I can’t even blame you, because I’d have left me for him too.”

Heather Says: There was an Art. The art was lovely. So I went looking, because that’s what I do when faced with beautiful art depicting a rare pairing. And I found the holy grail. Like, possibly my favorite Good Omens fic? Ever? 

15. flirting with fire by @brawlite | Stranger Things | Billy/Steve | WIP | 7k

Steve's a cop, Billy's a firefighter. It's not a grudge, it's just a regular old small town rivalry.

Heather Says: Okay so brawlite has written a lot of great stuff this year (more on that later), but I read this in bed at the beach house this August while I was reeling from both a horrible sunburn and like seven hours of mild to moderate day-drinking while everyone else was still throwing back shots right outside my bedroom door. Jaws was playing on the tv and I wasn’t even paying attention to it, because THIS. Long story short, I’ve been thirsty for more ever since.

16. gold, when you find me by mmtion | The Flash | Iris/Barry | 53k

It's not that Iris hates The Flash, per say - more that she hates writing about The Streak in a weekly, pun-heavy comic based on The Flash.

Heather Says: I never would have thought that a canon pairing would make it to my Top 25 list, but here we are. I like Iris/Barry a lot better when they don’t grow up together and spend a lot of time playing the Superman game, apparently. Also, this was really well-written, and sexual tension has never been something I’ve felt from Barry and Iris, but I felt it in this fic. Just. Damn.

17. never gets old by @brawlite & @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger| Stranger Things | Billy/Steve | 78k

Falling in love with a cam boy named KingSteve isn't the smartest thing Billy Hargrove has ever done, nor is it the most healthy -- but the good choice is rarely ever the fun choice, and Billy is all about living life fast and loose.

Heather Says: Told you I’d come back to it. brawlite and toastranger are a fantastic team. last year was cherry pie and under the covers, this year it’s camboys and cop/firefighter dynamics. Also, I have a really strange fascination with fics where a character has an instragram. It’s really, incredibly strange. Also also, every time I see this fic title I get that one Discovery Channel song stuck in my head. And no, it probably isn’t the one you’re thinking.

18. ways to save the world by @wildehacked | The Magnus Archives | Martin Blackwood/Jon Sims | 19k

“I left you,” Martin says softly.

Heather Says: And we’re back at wildehacked too! The Magnus Archives was a thing that happened to me. This is I think the first fic I read for it while listening, and it was so very close to what we got in canon. I think when it comes down to it though, I still prefer this fic, even if the ending of this season was pretty fantastic.

19. The Denial Twist by beethechange | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 35k

“This is kind of surreal,” Shane says, taking a sip of his tea. It’s piping hot and delicious, except it tastes like hot chocolate and not like tea at all. “Sort of—Wonka-esque, right? Or Alice in Wonderland.”

Heather Says: While the vampire one is my favorite both because it is excellent and because it was my first, this one was bizarre and sexy and also I read it like only a month or so ago! The dancing was my favorite part, but having dreams to work with made this story fantastically interesting and I loved every second of it.

20. silver in our lungs by taywen | Spinning Silver | Miryem/The Staryk Lord | 4k

The marks had been with Miryem for as long as she could remember. There were a number of them, all the same shade, following one after the other around her left wrist. They were pale as old scars, though they felt no different from the rest of her skin, and her mother claimed that Miryem had been born with them.

Heather Says: I really like soulmate aus. There’s so many different ways to twist them and the way they can sometimes change the dynamic entirely and other times not change them at all is just fascinating. I’ve been hoping there would be more Spinning Silver content on ao3 and running into this while I was trying to decide what I wanted to do for yuletide was a real treat.

21. you got me begging, begging, i'm on my knees by plalligator | The Queen’s Thief | Attolia/Eugenides/Costis | 5k

Costis has a particularly enlightening evening. (or, that struggle when you're a guard who's in love with your rulers and it turns out you would kind of like it if they bossed you around a little)

Heather Says: I accidentally re-read the King of Attolia and it made me consider ships I had perhaps not previously considered. This was really lovely and just steamy enough.

22. something more alive than silence by pageleaf | The Queen’s Thief | Attolia/Eugenides/Costis | 21k

It was a good thing that six months after the king had promised to halve the guard, he still hadn’t done it, because since then, there had been two attempts on the king’s life.

Heather Says: I want to only type the words AGONIZED NOISES to describe this fic because that’s basically my headspace when I get 21k of a shiny new ot3, but I mean. Really. This is super good and maybe my favorite yet? Why didn’t I start reading this fandom when I first read the books?

23. Timing it Right by DragonBandit | The Bright Sessions | Mark/Damien | 14k

The dragon chooses, Mark knows that as well as any boy born in a weyr. He'd never considered what that would mean if the dragon picked someone you hated. He's starting to think that was a mistake.

Damien's gold rises at Whitney. Mark tries to make things right.

Heather Says: This should actually be somewhere back in March, but I apparently closed out of the tab at some point. I never really got into Pern much. I have the first three books, but got most of the way through the first one a long time ago and then never picked it back up. I didn’t think I would like this, mostly because of the fact that I hadn’t gotten into the books, but was surprised to find that I absolutely loved it.

24. Keep It In Your Sights Now by LuckyDiceKirby | Shades of Magic | Lila/Kell/Holland | 9k

Holland travels with Lila and Kell. Somewhere along the way, they reach an equilibrium.

Heather Says: I love the new things I’ve discovered during my yuletide trompings. I don’t think I ever actually considered this pairing when I first read the books, but I am just so enamored with the idea of the three of them together. Like, why did I not realize that potential back then? This was lovely, and I loved it, and I want so much more out of this pairing than what ao3 has to offer me.

25. Charioteer by petrichoral | The Queen’s Thief | Gen & Costis | 13k

Captured in battle and stuck in the Mede capital, Costis has given up all hope of seeing his country again. But Eugenides has a habit of turning up where he's least expected.

Heather Says: Technically this shouldn’t be on here because I only read it today, but it was really wonderful and so canon typical. Gen and Costis were perfect in it, Irene was perfect in it. Everyone was perfect and nothing hurts.

[winterknight1087]

Flower from the Fae (ch 18)

Chapter Title:  Pre-Party Mayhem and Discoveries

Summary: Virgil likes plants, but when he goes to investigate a plant his friend, Remy, tells him about, he doesn’t exactly check out the plant. Little does he know that the handsome man he meets there is a fairy who is about to challenge the world Virgil knows.

Word Count: 1416

Chapter Warnings: Sympathetic Deceit, Sympathetic Remus, cursing, mention of killing/death, alcohol

Chapter Pairings: Minor: LAMP, Demus, Sleep/Picani

AO3 Link      My Writing

A/N: this is chapter 18, so read the first chapter here! 

Virgil wasn’t sure what happened when he went outside, but whatever did, he was grateful for it. The group paid and left the diner to walk over to Emile and Remy’s house, where most of the work for this party was already complete. Emile forced Remy into their room for a quick nap before the party while the rest of them finished what little was left.

“Can you guys hang these bats up? I want to walk through the haunted house and make sure that everything looks good.” He asked Logan, offering a bag of fake bats.

“Sure, no problem.” Logan peeked at one of the bats, wondering if humans actually thought these were scary.

Virgil went through the little haunted house, pleased that all the motion sensors and the mechanics that reset the props were functioning well. This was always his favorite part of the Halloween party. They put so much effort into it so that it ran seamlessly and it was always the talk of the party, in some way. While he couldn’t claim much about the mechanics (it was an old friend of Dee’s who took that challenge on), Virgil was always the one to do the artwork and that added something special to the haunted house.

With everything checked out, Virgil returned to the living room and froze. Did Patton just fly? But the sweet man was on the ground when Virgil blinked. All of the bats were hanging up now, but there wasn’t a stool in sight to help them. Logan was rambling off facts about bats as he recycled the bag.

Virgil managed to slip into the bathroom before the trio noticed him. Virgil’s breathing was running as he talked his mind away from what he saw. There’s no way Patton was flying. He just jumped! Yeah, he jumped and the wings reacted to the movement. There’s no way that Patton could… Magic isn’t real! Patton can’t fly! Those wings aren’t real. He just jumped and that was that. I’m not a witch.

He froze as that thought hit him full force. That was the issue he’s been struggling with. Gala had managed to get him to read about half that stack of papers out of curiosity and he couldn’t help but notice so many of them matched him. Magic isn’t real but he may be a witch. If Patton could actually fly…

No. He was just fooling himself. Magic is not real. Magic has never been real. Patton is not a fairy. He was not a witch. Magic was something from movies. Magic was sleight of hand tricks. Those random hot flashes followed by random actions from people were not connected. He’s just letting stress go to his head. Patton merely jumped and now Virgil is over-analyzing like he always did.

Virgil took a deep breath and left the bathroom. He went straight for the kitchen where Dee was finishing up some of the alcoholic beverages. Virgil didn’t even really think of what he was doing as he got himself a cup and filled it. Dee watched in surprise but didn’t stop him.

“Are you alright?” he asked, softly, once Virgil lowered the cup.

Biting his tongue, Virgil decided that he wasn’t going to worry Dee with meaningless fantasies. “Forgot about one of the things I set up. It popped up when I wasn’t expecting it. I’ll be fine.”

Dee gave him an unamused look, feeling every ounce of the lie for what it was. “Uh huh, sure. When you want to tell me the truth, I’ll be in the backyard, setting up the bar area.”

Virgil winced but didn’t say anything. Dee looked over the anxious man, wondering what’s gotten into him. Virgil rarely lied. He was an open book, which was probably how he got himself tangled with fairies. Yet, Dee couldn’t think of what there was to lie about right now. All the guy had been doing was working on the haunted house.

“You know we care about you. Whatever is eating at you, we won’t judge. I hope you know this, Virgil.” Dee said softly to him. “I won’t push, but you can come talk to me or Emile or Remy or even Remus about whatever. We may joke and make fun of each other, but if it matters to you, it matters to us.”

“I…I know, Dee.” He answered. “I… it’s just stupid and I know it’s stupid.”

Bar be damned, Virgil comes first, Dee thought, waving to the dining table. “If it’s worrying you, it’s not stupid, Virgil. I am willing to listen. I won’t judge or tell the others if you want.”

Virgil paused before slowly saying, “well… I… things keep… I’ve… but…”

“Just rip it off like a Band-Aid if that’ll help, Vee,” Dee suggested.

He gulped but answered. “I think I may…”

“WHICH OF YOU BITCHES CUT… REMUS, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!”

Before Virgil or Dee could react, Remus was running through the kitchen with a fair chunk of Remy’s red wig. He was snickering as he escaped into the backyard, just before Remy appeared. The wig was cut off at weird angles and looked more like a nanny-gone-wild version of Crowley rather than the chill, lounging on a park bench Crowley Remy was going for.

They paused, noticing Dee’s murderous look and the vulnerable look in Virgil’s eyes, before saying. “Sorry, also, Dee, your husband is dead when I get my hands on him.”

With that, Remy was out the back door. The trio of fairies and Emile came into the kitchen, but there was no evidence of what just took place. Dee wanted nothing but to tell everyone to get lost, but he could feel Virgil’s mind lock-off whatever he’d been about to tell Dee. He waved at the door and watched as Emile went to check outside, where they could hear Remus screeching.

“Uh, are your friends always like that?” Roman asked Virgil, uncertainly.

“Always Remus,” he answered, offering an awkward grin. “The rest of us take turns dealing with his antics. He’s usually is calm when we give him weird things like edible glue or events where being weird is encouraged, but I guess he got bored.”

“Hmm,” Logan hummed before turning to the uncertain therapist. “Emile, I have a question for you, if you don’t mind my asking. I couldn’t help but notice the extensive amount of psychology books around. Are you a psychologist?”

Emile relaxed and smiled at him. “I do have a doctorate in psychology, but I am just a therapist.”

Logan’s eyes lit up. “Fascinating, would you mind if I ask some questions about your work? Virgil mentioned one of your atypical methods for him and I’d like to hear more about your methods.”

Emile nodded. “So long as you aren’t looking for personal advice, we can talk while finishing up the game section.”

“No advice. I just think the various sciences are fascinating.” Logan agreed, following the therapist down the hall.

“Well, we just lost our nerd,” Roman commented. “Hey, fanged fiend. What else needs doing?”

Dee looked over the Fae Prince. “You any good in a fight?”

Roman blinked. “I can hold my own. Why?”

“Go split up the sandman and rat,” Dee stated, picking up one of the drink dispensers. “Be careful of teeth.”

“From…which?”

“Both. Off you go.”

Roman didn’t look too sure but he followed Dee into the backyard, leaving Patton and Virgil in the kitchen. Patton was carefully watching Vee, as the poor boy went rigid at the word ‘sandman’ and has yet to relax. Patton tried reading Virgil’s face, but couldn’t pick out what he was thinking.

“Vee? Are you alright?”

“I…What? Oh… I…” Virgil was practically a fish out of water as he tried to string a coherent sentence together.

“Do you want a hug?” Patton offered, uncertainly.

Virgil paused for a moment before weakly nodding. Patton wrapped his arms around the shaking boy, barely keeping his wings from wrapping around him as well. It took another moment, but Virgil wrapped his arms around the other, trying to breathe. The necklace he was wearing seemed to burn, awkwardly trapped from where it swung under his armpit, but Virgil pushed it aside as his own warmth. Then he felt the twitch of muscles as the wings on Patton flittered, sending every worry Virgil had been struggling with straight to the front of his mind, realizing that it was true.

Patton was a fairy.

Next Chapter:

Taglist: @that-one-nb-kid, @hufflepuffxfox

[theexecutionerssong]

Hello, darling! I wanted to say thank you for reblogging that Destiel fic "Ninety One Whiskey" yesterday because it made me read it and I absolutely love it! So I was just wondering if you have any other recommendations? This was my very first Destiel fanfiction, I've never read anything from SPN fandom before so I'm very unware of those tresures out there! :)

ahhhh you have no idea how happy that makes me! here are a few of my favorites that I’m copy pasting from my old fic rec page. Most are a few years old, I’ve got way more and some more recent ones too if you’d rather. They are all deancas centered. If they aren’t online anymore then let me know and I can send you the file as I’ve got over 3000 saved lmao also I LIVE AND BREATHE for angst, if I don’t cry my eyes out at some point then what’s the point sdfghjk you’ve been warned

‘Til the Last by miss_grey (American Civil War AU, my fav ever, probably)

When the war came, Dean Winchester was determined that he was not going to get involved. He had more important things to worry about than some rich man’s fight. He had work on the farm and he had taking care of his family. Nothing else was worth his worry. But in August in the Year of Our Lord 1863, when the soldiers came knocking, they weren’t asking. They dragged Dean away.

Dean and Cas have been best friends since they were kids. When Dean is drafted into the Confederate army, to what lengths will Castiel go to ensure that Dean makes it back home alive?

Exonerated by thecouchcarrot (thriller AU)

Years ago, Dean Winchester was the detective who put serial killer Castiel Goodwin behind bars. Last spring, Cas was proven innocent and his conviction overturned. Neither could’ve predicted the way their lives would intertwine…

Lost Souls by thelastknownwriter (thriller AU)

Homicide detective Dean Winchester is thrust into a past he has tried hard to forget when he finds himself leading a manhunt for an unlikely killer: his childhood best friend, Castiel.

Painted Angels by WinJennster (human AU, so much damn angst but damn it’s worth it)

Author Castiel Novak has finally hit the big time, with a book based on his failed college relationship with a brilliant painter. He’s put all his pain behind him, but at a book signing, he comes face to face with Dean Winchester for the first time in twelve years, and the reunion doesn’t go like Cas hoped. Dean’s a broken man, with a lot of scars and secrets, shoulders weighed down by his demons and self loathing.Cas sees a second chance with the man he’s never stopped loving, but Dean’s moved on, and is about to get married. Sam launches a “brilliant” plan to reunite his brother and his best friend, but Cas is worried it will all blow up in their faces, and he’ll go through the agony of losing Dean a second time.Out of the Deep by riseofthefallenone (merman AU)

Stay away from the light-beds. Stay in the deep.It is the first thing hatchlings are taught the moment their fans unfurl and they can swim without their parents to buoy them along. It is the first rule, the first law. It is the beginning of every boogey-monster bedtime story told when they settle against the cliffs to sleep.Castiel should have listened better. 

To Raise A King by riseofthefallenone (medieval/royalty AU)

This must be some kind of horrible joke at Castiel’s expense. Is he truly expected to protect a King? One who has been their enemy for as long as he can remember? He is much more suited to being a part of the army, or at the very least someone who helps to train the knights. That would be far more preferred than having to watch over the King. It means Castiel would get to keep fighting – and that’s the only way he knows to give meaning to his life.

Tramps Like Us by mkhunterz (human AU)

Dean Winchester’s life is falling apart. He’s lost his job, his apartment, and his brother, all in one day. He seems to break everything he touches. Frustrated and alone, he drives off into the night with no idea where he’s headed. But then he meets Castiel Novak, a quiet and reclusive man with a haunted past, and suddenly he finds himself with a very specific destination in mind.

Kiss You When It’s Dangerous by zoemathemata (thriller canon divergent AU)

When his partner Uriel, betrays him, Federal Agent Castiel Novak is saved from becoming a ritual sacrifice by brothers Dean and Sam Winchester. Discovering the world of the supernatural and learning about werewolves, wendigoes, vampires and things that go bump in the night also leads to learning more about Dean and the strange life he and his brother lead. The more he learns, the more Castiel finds himself drawn into Dean’s world and toward Dean himself.

Until Uriel wants to complete the ritual he started.

Pick It All Up by thepinupchemist (human AU)

Army veteran Castiel Novak is a wreck after his tour in Afghanistan, brought home to his brother’s apartment in Lawrence, Kansas with scars both mental and physical. He copes poorly, and during one night of bad decision making, meets somebody just as much of a disaster as he is – a prostitute named Dean Winchester. And suddenly, two damaged men might not be as irreparable as they believed.

The Bird That Feels The Light by ratgerastory (canon, no romance, Dean is a 5 year old but it’s the first I read almost 10 years ago and one of my favorites ever)

AU from 5.18 (or thereabouts). Castiel awakens in the middle of a smoking crater, stranded and very much human. According to the people who have discovered him, it’s six months to the day after Michael and Lucifer faced off on the field of battle outside of Detroit, and Castiel isn’t the only one to have returned. When, at his insistence, they take him to this other person, he finds a child –a little boy– and realizes that, contrary to all his expectations, he has been reunited with Dean Winchester. The world has changed in their absence, and not for the better. Sam is gone, whether dead or simply missing is uncertain. Castiel is given the name of a man in Idaho who may have answers for him. He is faced with the task of travelling cross-country with Dean, who is dependent on him now in ways he never was before, in order to discover the truth. But along the way, as he and Dean learn to know and trust each other once more, Castiel begins to realize that the answers he thought he wanted might not be the ones he needs. 

the inexhaustible silence of houses by Askance (canon, I adored it but it left me in pieces, it took me weeks to get over it)

Almost two years after the world doesn’t end, Castiel falls from grace—and loses his voice in the process. It is the impetus for confession and change; before long, he is settling into a loving relationship with Dean, the Winchesters are tired, and hunting for a place to land has taken precedence to hunting anything else. Dean and Castiel fall in love with the strange little house on the end of Swallowtail Drive, and for a little while life is as it should be—sweet, affectionate, and beginning afresh. But more and more Castiel sees and hears things in the house that beg the question of whether or not a place itself can be alive. The walls and rooms seem to shift and grow and breathe, and one night, Dean comes home from a hunt changed in a way that Castiel cannot explain. In the months that follow, their domestic bliss takes turns for the dark and sour, and the confusion of their circumstances will ultimately test everything Castiel knows about the man he loves, and everything he believes to be true.

Last Man Standing by cerulea (canon, purgatory!verse)

Picking up exactly where we left off at the end of Season 7, Cas and Dean are stranded together in Purgatory struggling both to save their lives and their friendship amidst constant peril.

After The Fire by Themista (canon, end!verse)

Starting in 2013 and going through 2014 this is the story of Dean and Cas in their ill-fated quest to find the colt and shoot the devil - set in the endverse alternate reality seen in 5x04 The End. The apocalypse poses Dean and Cas many threats along the way, as they have to contend with the croats and Lucifer’s demons, led by Meg, all while trying to work out whether they can trust the infamously devious demon Crowley, with whom they already have a bloody history.

Twist and Shout by standbyme and gabriel (human 60-70s AU) (I don’t care how divisive and unpopular recommanding this one is, I was skeptical going in but it’s been years and I still have to skip Can’t Help Falling In Love and Twist and Shout when they come on shuffle in my playlists, that fic destroyed me))

What begins as a transforming love between Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak in the summer of 1965 quickly derails into something far more tumultuous when Dean is drafted in the Vietnam War. Though the two both voice their relationship is one where saying goodbye is never a real truth, their story becomes fraught with the tragedy of circumstance. In an era where homosexuality was especially vulnerable, Twist and Shout is the story of the love transcending time, returning over and over in its many forms, as faithful as the sea.

I also read ABO fics but I don’t know if you’re into that so I’m not including any in this list ^^ enjoy, let me know if you find something you like!

[they-call-me-hades]

{CINDERELLA AU} Night and Day

CHAPTER SEVEN

“Are you actually telling me that you got kicked out of the royal palace because you threw mud at the heir to the throne?” Gabriel asked seething with anger as he paced the parlor in front of Kit and Drake, Vlad was still trying to figure out why he was part of this as well as he sat in the corner just trying to pretend, he honestly wasn’t.

“He hit me first in all fairness.” Kit said with a smile but that quickly vanished the second Gabriel leveled him with a glare and Kit returned to looking down at his muddy feet Drake scoffed from next to him folding his arms over his chest

“I couldn’t believe it, do you have any idea how- “ “Shut your trap Drake you’re nearly as bad as he is,” Gabriel shouted at his son instantly shutting the older up as Gabriel leveled him with a glare

“You bored the prince so much that he felt the need to run off with Kit, Kit of all people!!” Gabriel shouted Kit resisted the urge for some kind of quip about being offended when Gabriel was raging like this it was not the time to argue or make jokes with him.

Even without the joke though Kit was still on the receiving end of this as Gabriel glared at him “You. We had a deal, you bring drake, you talk him up make him look like the big shot so that the prince will want to marry him. How difficult is that?!” Gabriel yelled Kit bit his lip to keep from saying anything for a moment, but it seemed that Gabriel was expecting an actual answer this time

“Well…honestly have you met him?” Kit asked gesturing to Drake, Gabriel looked like he could strangle kit in that moment if Vlad hadn’t laughed and Gabriel and Drake both glared at him, Vlad tried very hard to make it seem like he was clearing his throat instead and hid his face in the book that he was holding (Upside down might I add) to hide himself from this whole incident.

Gabriel paced in front of them again rubbing his temples and muttering to himself as the two boys stood before him and Gabriel finally sighed

“Both of you get out of my sight, get changed into something presentable and Kit get back to your chores. If all the laundry isn’t done by tomorrow morning, then you’ll go the entire day without meals is that clear?” Gabriel asked Kit nodded and with that all three of the sons left. Gabriel flopped back into a large armchair and continued rubbing his temples as he tried to plan, one shot. They only got one shot at an opportunity like this and he refused to let kit ruin it and them.

                                                                              ~*~

“So how come I’m not allowed to play in the mud, but you can?” Felicity asked as Hades tucked her into bed that night today had come with some great first impressions, but it had been more fun than Hades had in years.

“I’m not for the same reason you ‘re not,” Hades said as he sat on the edge of her plushy pink bed and tucked the blanket up to her neck with a smile “It’s not suitable for someone of royal blood to play in the mud like a pig.”

“But you did,” Felicity pointed out and Hades honestly couldn’t argue but he just smiled and snorted at her causing them both to burst into a fit of giggles there on the spot, Hades stood and began rummaging through one of the shelves trying to find a good book to read to help her settle in after such a long and interesting day.

“I like Kit,” Felicity said rolling onto her side to watch him Hades hummed in agreement as he kept looking through the titles “He’s nice, you should invite him to the ball.” Felicity told him and Hades paused for a moment the idea pinging around in his head for a moment before he shook his head

“My dear everyone is invited to the ball,” Hades said to her smiling “It’s for everyone who is available.”

“But if you gave him a special invitation, he could sit with us and get a second chance with Grandpa.” Felicity said Hades glanced back at his little daughter who smiled and turned to face her completely

“You know I’m beginning to think you’re scheming something again young lady,” Hades said Felicity smiled the most innocently devious smile that she could, and Hades laughed a little

“I know you like him,” Felicity said to him as Hades pulled off a book that was one of her mother’s favorites and sat with her on the bed again “You never smile like you do around him unless you’re thinking about mama.”

Hades hesitated but didn’t speak, they were getting into some dangerous territory here now and he wasn’t really sure how to proceed with this as he stuttered for a moment, but Felicity just gave a big yawn and she curled up close to him “It’s ok, I like him too.” Felicity told him softly “Besides, he’s more fun than anyone else has been around here in a long time.”

Hades didn’t get a moment to argue with her as she drifted off to sleep and he just smiled, he kissed the top of her head and waited a few moments for her to drift off completely before he moved. The golden haired stranger playing in the back of his head the one who loved his Juliet roses and had already made this place seem so much brighter than it had been just a few days ago. Some how he couldn’t help but agree with Felicity that he definitely liked the warmth and happiness that Kit had brought with him.

                                                                                ~*~

Kit spent all night in the laundry room, he wasn’t surprised that for the first few hours of him being down there Drake had taken just about every stitch of cloth from the house and dumped it down the laundry chute, he wasn’t surprised either that for the longest time no one came to help him either.

Kit wanted desperately to explain to them why he’d had to take Drake but if they knew Crowley would be furious and either beat Drake to a pulp or he’d leave, Kit wasn’t sure he could survive this hell without Honey and Crowley. Kit had been working for hours when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Honey

“Go get some sleep Kit, let me do the rest ok?” Honey asked him Kit looked at her tired and let out a sigh

“Crowley still mad?” Kit asked her groggily as he rubbed his eyes Honey gave a small smile

“You can’t really blame him, what was with that crap with Drake anyway?”

Kit just shook his head “If I tell you either you’re going to hit drake or Crowley is going to hit drake and it’s going to all be hell. Just please trust me when I say I had too.” Kit said Honey had known kit long enough that the answer seemed to satisfy her and she urged him to go to bed which he did. The next morning he woke up to shouting once again and let out a sigh as he ran his hand over his face and got up dressing and wiping soot off of his face before he went upstairs. The sight before him had him practically busting over with laughing. Crowley was perched on top of a counter like some kind of cat, Drake was trying very hard to get to him but standing between them was honey and a very soapy frying pan as once more Vlad sat at the table eating a muffin seeming to enjoy the show. He even went as far as to offer the plate out to Kit and Kit shook his head before he walked over and watched Drake and Honey screaming at each other neither seemed to be able to understand the other over their shouting and Kit sighed

“WILL ALL OF YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTHES!!” Gabriel shouted as he came downstairs still in his dressing gown and the entire room went silent for a long time before Drake glared at Crowley

“Bastard stole our invitations to the ball,” Drake shouted Crowley rolled his eyes a little bit and held up six invitations before he hopped down and handed a specially decorated one to Kit “I knew if I didn’t snag it that bastard would,” Crowley said to him Kit was surprised and took the specially decorated envelope he was pleasantly surprised to see that it wasn’t addressed by Felicity this time but the lovely fluid penmanship could only have been addressed by Hades himself

“Dear Special guest,

On Saturday the 23rd of February you are cordially invited as is the rest of the Kingdom to join Prince Hades Masquerade Ball, you however have the special honor of being seated with the royal family at the head table. Please use this invitation for entry into the party. The party starts promptly at 6PM and requires…”

Kit had stopped reading at this point his shock gripping him and his own fear was made known when he realized that he was the only one with this as well. And he could only look up to see Gabriel’s red face as everyone went very quiet, Kit knew he should be happy but well this definitely wasn’t the plan.

[angelkurenai]

Imagine the fans being thrilled to find out you've been dating your now co-star, Alexander, for a very long time because they've been shipping you ever since your characters' first interaction in Supernatural.

“I'll tell you, we were just filming some episode that I don't really remember and I was having a break and I spotted Jared coming to me with that- with that-” Misha laughed, looking at the taller man “With that grin, you know that one? Yeah, the one that says I found my next victim! But I had no idea who he really meant!”

“He still even remembers every word I told him, I swear!” Jared said through his microphone and you giggled, understanding how true that could actually be.

“Absolutely! But I'll tell you, I never in my life imagined I would be teaming up with Jared Padalecki on pranking another person but oh times are really changing my friends!”

“Am I supposed to say you're welcome or something?” Alexander asked through his own microphone and you and everybody else laughed.

“Probably!” you told your boyfriend with a chuckle before looking back at the fans “Of course they weren't gonna let this perfect opportunity slip! I mean, they've known we were together ever since we, like... got together, yeah?” you asked, looking back at Alexander who nodded his head.

“Yeah, ever since- ever since the third date I think?” he chuckled and you giggled, nodding your head.

You grinned when you looked back at the fans that were 'aw'ing at the two of you “When all I wanted was to escape from them and have a romantic night with the guy I like and I just end up running into my living nightmare!” you breathed out and the boys laughed even more, Misha snickering.

“Needles to say-” Alexander spoke up, going serious for a moment “I booked a table for two but ended up taking two people back home!”

“Oh come on, you know you had more fun with me there!” Misha exclaimed as the fans laughed “I'm being honest! Admit it, the third date was the best one you've had with (Y/n) just because of me!”

“Just when I thought I could somehow escape from him, nope!” you shook your head “And now, that Alex works with us too it's all so much worse I feel like my dad is all the time around the corner spying on me!”

“I'll confess that- that me giving Alexander the speech about hurting (Y/n) and what I could possibly do to him, not to mention Jared and Jensen, was not really planned but-”

“You did what?” you breathed out, looking at the blue-eyes man with wide eyes before looking back at your boyfriend who just chuckled, shrugging.

“I will confess something too, when he threatened me that he'd be sending all of heaven after me if I did anything to (Y/n) sounded pretty intimidating!” he pointed out with a laugh “And I almost took a step back for a moment but then, I know there is no way possible that can happen so I don't have anything to worry.”

“Can I ask-” the fan continued with a giggle “What was really you guys' reaction to finding out Alexander would be on the show?”

“First, and I mean it first and freaking foremost we isolated their trailers. Like-” Jensen made face “Put them as freaking back and away as possible from the rest of ours. You- you can guess why.” he shrugged as you gasped, hiding your face on Alexander's chest as he chuckled and wrapped an arm around your shoulders, the fans laughing as well.

“Ackles!” you squeaked, laughing with red cheeks; glancing however at your boyfriend who winked at you knowingly. You hit his side with a small scowl and he only kissed the top of your head. Well, Jensen was joking about the first part but if only he knew about the second and how true it really was.

“I mean, we pretty much had our guns loaded and waiting ever since we found out they were together so that out of the way.”

“Oh yeah, and we had all of Crowley's torturing devices gathered, we were prepared for that!”

“It's both funny and scary because I too don't know if they're joking or are serious!” Alexander

“Then we pretty much started planing everything we could do to him, we already had a good few ideas. (Y/n)'s family to us, it's no surprise we'd act like that and threaten every guy she's seeing.” Jared shrugged with a grin “Being with her the longest Alexander has probably had to suffer the most, but nothing too much don't worry!”

“You're making his life a hell you guys!” you laughed, knowing that it was far from that only because you were used to the three of them. Any other sane person would have run away the first day with those two.

“It's all fine, as long as I have my heaven right here-” he kissed your forehead “And with me, then it's ok.” he grinned at you as he saw the shy smile on your face and how you just hid your face away when the fans went crazy and cheered for the two of you.

“Alright, next one! Cause this guy's made it his life's purpose to make me blush fifty shades of red today!” you giggled when he took hold of your hand and squeezed it, locking fingers with yours.

“Hey! Ok so my question is actually about Alexander.” she explained and you saw the guys put on the grumpy act.

“Again getting all the love! Do you guys even need us here?”

“Or are we bothering you? Should we probably leave too?”

“Guys!” you gave them a look as they snickered “Go on.”

She laughed as well “I wanted to say first and foremost that finding out about the two of you has been one of the biggest surprises of this season and we still are unable to comprehend it!”

“Yeah, I- I uh saw it was trending on twitter? All we did was upload a photo and it took down the entire internet, so sorry for that!” he laughed.

“Oh by all means, we loved that! Do it more often, it's both amazing to know you are together and sad that we don't get that many videos or photos and we have to rely to fanart.”

“Fan-fanart? Is that like the ones you've been showing me?” he asked you and you giggled, nodding your head as you squeezed his hand.

“Guilty pleasures here, but even if I didn't love Alex this much already, I knew I would have fallen head over heels for Jack anyway! I ship us, and I ain't even gonna hide it!” you said with a simple shrug as your boyfriend laughed next to you.

“And you're not the only one!” Jensen pointed out, glancing at Misha who shrugged innocently.

“I don't know what you're talking about but I am not going to be embarrassed for my choices and even more ships!” he said proudly and you grinned at him

“I have never agreed more, I think Jack really does have a soft spot for her! I tried not to let it show from the first moment but it'll get more obvious as time goes by, that I promise!”

“This is honestly so much more than I wished to hear, so I'm trying not to freak out now!” she grinned “But I don't think there is a person that can deny the connection between (Y/c/n) and Jack. And I wanted to ask you, is that or something else your favorite thing about being in Supernatural?”

“Oh uhm there are lots of thing to love about this show and- and this character, Jack, it's uhm it's all so much more than I expected, but all definitely pleasantly overwhelming. Even-” he chuckled “Even the pranks, that too I don't think I would be able to live without. But I know that the one thing I love more than anything about what- what this show has offered me, other than such an amazing new family, is-” he grinned, looking at you as you gave him a perplexed smile.

He looked back at the fans, shrugging innocently “It gave me the chance dream of a future family as I spend all the time I can get with my soulmate.” were all the words he needed to say before the crowd erupted into cheers and your eyes widened at his words.

“Wh-what?” you whispered as he gave you an adorable grin, leaning down to kiss your lips tenderly.

.

..

…

“You know you still will have to ask for my approval, right?” Misha raised an eyebrow, asked in a very serious voice tone.

[spn67-sister]

Wall of Memories

One shot Summary: Dean x daughter, Sam, Cas. Dean and Sam go on a hunt, but Sam and Cas return. Reader is 16 years old and knew Dean her whole life. Warnings: Death and language

------------

Readers POV throughout

“Y/n, just stay home this hunt, you took a beating the last one from that Werewolf. I don’t want to risk the chance of losing you because you are off your game.” Your father, Dean, tells you, worrying.  He has a talent for that.

“Dad, I don’t want to! I will be fine!” You say as you stand up but your hand immediately goes to your side, as your face scrunches up, in pain. Your Dad rushes to your side and helps you sit down.

“You are not going.” He said and there was no arguing about it from there. Uncle Sam walks into the library with his and Dads bad. You smile through the pain and Dad goes to grab his bag.

“You’re not coming?” Uncle Sam asks you, disappointment crossing his face. “Doesn’t look like I have a choice. I can’t even stand up and there’s no way I’m getting out of here with him watching me like a hawk either.” You say joking with your Dad as he smiles. “Stay safe, will ya?” You ask trying to not sound worried, but you know your failing.

“Promise.” Your Dad says as he kisses the temple of your head. Uncle Sam ruffles you hair and you hit his hand playfully. He smiles and they both walk up the stairs of the bunker.

“Love you guys! Don’t end up like me!” You call right before they walk out of the bunker.

“Love you Y/n! We will try” Uncle Sam calls laughing at the last part as he walks out.

“Love you baby girl!” Dad yells as you while smiling as he shuts the door. After they leave, you walk, slowly, clutching your side in pain, to the books. You grab The Wizard Of Oz and start to read. Now, all you had to do was wait for your Dad and Uncle to come back home in about a week.

One Week Later.

You were in your room when you heard the door to the bunker open. You were feeling much better, so you were able to run to the library to greet your father. As you ran in, you saw Uncle Sam and Cas, but not your Dad but that didn’t worry you. Maybe he was still getting bags from Baby.

“Hey guys! How was the hunt?” You said in a cheerful tone, until you realized the expressions you saw on the two men in front of you.

Cas wore the same clothes, but looks extremely different. His hair is messy, his coat is torn, and he has huge dark circles under eyes, as if he hadn’t had rest in days. Uncle Sam looks as if he has been hit by a bus. His eyes are red and he is bleeding from his arm and leg. His pants and shirt are torn and his hair is incredibly messy. Your heart started racing. Where was Dad?

“Y/n, you need to sit down for this.” Uncle Sam said as he lead you to the table and Cas slid out a chair, turning it away from the table, for you to take a seat in. Cas and Uncle Sam then both took chairs and set them around you, sitting down.

“If you didn’t know, we were hunting a demon this case,” Cas tells you. “It was one of Crowley’s followers, and it was making deals with a large amount of people, but killing them after a day or two. Your Dad figured out who the Demon was, and he called me down to help him and your uncle take it down, since they didn’t have you. I got there, and we walked into its home.”

“It was a trap.” Uncle Sam abruptly cut him off, not caring that he did. “There were about ten demons and they were pissed. They clearly had some beef with us and knew we were here. We took down as many a possible before… before one stabbed your Dad in the back, killing him instantly.” Uncle Sam has tears streaming down his face and Cas looks at his feet.

You don’t say anything. You don’t even move. You just look at Uncle Sam as he apologizes profusely and says that he should have been able to save him. You want to scream. Throw a chair. Why was this happening? What did you do to deserve this?

“Y/n? Y/n, talk to be sweetheart.” Uncle Sam begs you to look at him, to say something.

“You promised.” You looked at him, not with sadness, but with fury. “You said you would come back alive! Does this look like alive to you?!” you scream at them.

“Y/n, we tried but there was so many…”

“I could give a shit! My Dad is dead! Gone! My mother died when I was a baby! I’m an orphan!” you scream, but then fall to your chair sobbing, not angry anymore. The grief was too much for you to handle. Uncle Sam wraps you in a hug and Cas says he is going to get me some water. You just sit there with Uncle Sam and cry.

Two Months Later

You haven’t been in his room since he died. Today, today that changes. You stood outside his door with your hand on the door knob. You slowly open it, and walk in. You sit down on his bed. The room still smells like him. Still has his decorations. Still has the drawing you drew him pinned on by the wall on the side of his bed. Everything was untouched, just as he left is last time he was in here.

Emotions hit you like a bullet as you start to sob. You sob because you miss him. You sob because he was the best dad a girl could ask for. You sob because he did everything and anything for you. You sob because you couldn’t have saved him. You sob because you didn’t get to say goodbye.

You sit there for about ten minutes just crying before you finally control yourself and are able to walk around and looks for a little. You open the drawer to his desk, to find an envelope. It was labeled ‘Y/n and me’. You pick it up and move to his bed.

They were pictures. Pictures of us. Your heart warms as you see the first couple of pictures. A picture of us eating pie. A picture of you, about four, sitting on Dad’s lap in Baby. A picture of you in front of the world’s biggest ball of yarn, because Dad insisted we go after a hunt for some dam reason. Picture after picture brought back a memory. You just looked at them and smiled, remembering your Dad.

You then take the pictures and bring them to your room. You hang them on your wall. Every day you look at them, and are reminded of him. You show Uncle Sam and he laughed at some of them and smiled at others. He comes into your room to look at them frequently. You miss your Dad so much, and will continue to use your wall of memories to never let him die completely.

---------------------------- Tags: @fromheaven2he11 @sisterwinchesterwriter @winchesters-favorite-girl @rosie-winchester @miss-katie-winchester  @27bmm @jensen-jarpad

If you want to be on or off the tag list, let me know!

[family-business-one-shots]

The King of Hell Walks into a Church

Relationship: Crowley X Niece!Reader, Winchesters X Sister

Words: 1,217

Summary: Due to the Winchesters’ incompetence, Crowley is stuck babysitting their little sister at Christmas Eve mass.

Warnings: None, really. Unless Crowley’s never ending sarcasm needs its own  warning.

Tagging: @mysaintsasinner @winchesters-favorite-girl @deathtonormalcy56

A/N: This was written for the wonderful @cici0507‘s Heaven vs. Hell: Christmas Edition. I had Christmas Mass with a Hell character. First Crowley fic, too! AND this is the second one shot within like 10 days! What an accomplishment, right? I think I’m getting better at this whole writer thing.

Heaving a great sigh, Crowley shook his head. He was the King of Hell, dammit! Demons groveled at his feet, sniveling and begging for forgiveness. How in the name of his kingdom had he been roped into babysitting?

Oh, right, it was because those two idiot Winchesters and the angel were too incompetent to accomplish their ridiculous hunt on time and take their little brat of a sister to the gathering of Bible thumping freaks.

At first, he’d refused. Or, at least, he’d tried to. But the moose had been annoyingly insistent, promising that it would only be a few hours at the most. Plus -- even though he’d vehemently deny it were anyone to ask -- the demon had a very, very small soft spot for the youngest Winchester.

And that was how the King of Hell found himself holding the door of a church open for a ten year old urchin on Christmas Eve.

Dear god, it sounded like a bad joke.

“Uncle Crowley?”

Shaken out of his thoughts by your voice, Crowley glanced down to see you looking at him, the picture of naivety. In your sparkly blue dress and that headband with the bow, any other fool would think you a sweet, innocent child, but Crowley was no fool. He knew all about the weapons training and the sparring, the way your eyes would light up whenever you hit a bullseye during target practice. The amount of influence those oafs had on you worried him.

“Yes, love?” he responded as he ushered you through the crowds of people, trying to find a decent seat in the back of the building.

“How come you’re taking me to mass and not Sammy and Dean?” you asked.

Crowley groaned inwardly. If the next hour ended up being a game of Twenty Questions, he would kill those Winchesters. “Because Moose and Squirrel, being the morons that they are, are preoccupied with a case many miles away, making it impossible for them to fulfill their duties as your guardians.”

He didn’t wait for your response, just pulled you over to the only empty seats he could find. Stuck between the insufferable child and a woman who appeared to have a very ugly scowl permanently etched on her face, Crowley began plotting the Winchesters’ murders in his head to keep from going mad.

After a few minutes of blessed silence, a thought occurred to him. Though he knew he would regret it later, he turned to face you, watching as you kicked your feet under the chair. “Hang on. What do you do when your brothers are out of town, Panda? Where do you stay? Who watches over you?”

“Well, most of the time it’s me and Uncle Cas, and we just stay at home in the bunker,” you said, picking at the hem of your dress. “I like staying with Uncle Cas, he reads me stories and helps me with my homework, even though he never actually went to school.” At that, the lady to Crowley’s right made a repulsed face. “But sometimes Sammy and Dean need Uncle Cas’s help with a job, so I go to mean old Mrs. Jones’s house after school.”

Just then, the organ started playing, signaling the beginning of the ceremony. Forced to drop the subject -- for now -- Crowley stewed in his thoughts. So the brothers weren’t as dim as they appeared. At least they made arrangements for the girl when they went away.

By the time they’d finished reading out of that dusty, old, historically inaccurate book, Crowley was nearly asleep in his chair, much to the displeasure of the sour woman next to him. Somehow, the little devil had payed attention to the whole thing.

“Panda,” Crowley hissed during a lull in the action in the front. You gazed up at him expectantly. “Earlier, you said that you stay with ‘mean old Mrs. Jones’ when the angel can’t watch you. Why do you call her mean?”

“Because she is mean,” you insisted. “When she picks me up from school, she never lets me sit up front, and as soon as we get to her house, I have to work on my homework right away. Uncle Cas always lets me have a snack before I start my work. And Mrs. Jones doesn’t even help me with it, either!”

At last, the woman next to Crowley seemed to reach her breaking point. She leaned over and shushed you, quite rudely actually, before sitting back with a smug smile.

“Excuse you,” Crowley said, looking over his shoulder at her. With a blink, his eyes turned a frighteningly blood red. “I do believe the child was in the middle of a conversation.” The woman clapped a hand over her mouth to hold in a scream, terror written in every part of her body. As the King of Hell let the red melt away, he tried oh so hard to stop his smirk from showing, but alas, the little bugger just wouldn't stay away. Then, sufficiently satisfied with himself, he turned back around to face you. “Keep going, love.”

Fighting the urge to giggle, you continued on your rant. “Every day, after I finish my homework, Uncle Cas makes popcorn and we watch a buncha movies together on Sammy’s bed. But Mrs. Jones makes me sit on her lumpy couch and watch her boring game shows.”

“Hmm.” For the remainder of the time they spent in the church Crowley was silent, deep in thought. The child detested the situation, that much was obvious; to such a degree that he was surprised those idiots hadn’t picked up on it. But then again, they were the Winchesters.

Something had to be done.

And he intended to be the one to do it.

Crowley, as the resident King of Hell, was no stranger to torture. He’d poked and prodded and sliced into various demons so viciously that they had cried for their mommies. But sitting there in that church, listening to the Jesus nuts drone on and on about God and love for a whole hour? That was a form of torture he wouldn't wish on even his worst enemies.

When it was finally over, he placed his hand on your shoulder and pushed through the crowd. As the two of you passed through the doors, he let out a sigh of relief.

“I hope you understand, Panda,” he told you. “The things I do for you and your brothers.” You glanced at him, confused. “I'll be having a word with Moose and Squirrel regarding your problem with one Mrs. Jones. With any luck, I may be able to rectify the situation and negotiate a better arrangement for you.”

“You mean you could make it so I don't have to stay with Mrs. Jones anymore?”

Crowley looked down at you, a ghost of a smile tugging at his lips. “Even better, love. I can make it so you'll stay with me when the angel is missing in action.”

“Really?” you gasped in delight.

“Really.”

“Yay! Thank you, Uncle Crowley!” With a grin, you hugged him tightly, not noticing the way his whole body went rigid. After a few seconds, though, he patted you on the back -- his way of returning the hug. Now, there truly was a smile on his face.