#only getting exposed to it through the internet/media

[lurkingshan]

Japanese BL Starter Pack

It’s been awhile since I dropped a rec list, so I am here today to share one that is very near and dear to my heart—a Japanese bl primer for those who are new to the jbl game. I created this for @neuroticbookworm to help her on her journey when she decided she wanted to start getting into Japanese works. The fandom (on Tumblr and generally) tends to focus primarily on Thai shows because they are the easiest to access for international fans, since Thailand is working its way toward world domination via ql media and wants us all to be able to watch. But there is a lot of great stuff to watch beyond the easy access Thai channels, and Japan is the country where this genre originated, so its shows are important for anyone who considers themselves a bl fan. Japan doesn’t cater nearly as much to the international audience so tracking down the shows sometimes takes some ingenuity and can-do spirit, but that’s part of the fun!

And so, the list! Bookworm is about halfway through it and having a ball, so I figured it was time to stop hoarding it and share it with anyone else who would like to dip their toes into jbl and isn’t quite sure where to start. A few notes: 

I am not here to teach you about the deep roots of the jbl genre or give you a primer on yaoi manga. I am by no means an expert and there are other places to find that information. Start here with this great post by @nieves-de-sugui and then maybe wander over to @absolutebl to read up more on the evolution of the genre.

This list is by no means an exhaustive accounting of every important Japanese bl ever made; it is simply a nice sampler platter of the cream of the crop among various styles you will find in jbl. Watching through this whole list will not only expose you to some fantastic shows, but also give you a sense of what makes jbl unique and how the country’s style differs from others, and point you toward the types of jbl you’ll like most (they tend to put shows in pretty specific style and tone lanes and once you find the ones you like there are lots more where that came from). 

If you’re coming to this post as a jbl lover and you don’t see your favorite here, I promise it’s not because I don’t love it very much; I simply had to make some choices to get this down to a reasonable shortlist. Feel free to leave extra recs for others to find! 

I’m putting these in a loose suggested watch order that will take you through the various jbl lanes in a kind of popcorn style, because I always think it’s good to change it up so you don’t get too stuck in one mode, and it works its way up to most of the extremely Japanese stuff (you will know what that means by the time you finish). But do what’s in your heart and change up the order if you want, friends, I am not the boss of you! 

Cherry Magic (Crunchyroll or grey)

gif by @liyazaki

I believe everyone on Tumblr is pretty familiar with this one, which is not a coincidence—this is one of the most accessible jbls. Not in terms of actual access to watch it, mind you (we’ve all jumped through shady internet hoops to watch it) but in terms of its content and style. Cherry Magic is a classic workplace romcom with a magical twist, and it is charming af. It’s a great exemplar of Japan’s light and zippy comedy lane for bl—a lane in which, importantly, the romances stay chaste even when the actual plot is about sex, or lack thereof. My friend @waitmyturtles would kill me if I didn’t make sure you know that Cherry Magic also has a lovely follow up film. And bonus: there is now a Thai remake airing so if you watch the original you can get in on the discussion about the different adaptations between countries. This is pretty easy to find these days in all the usual places, but I strongly recommend watching it here.

Old Fashion Cupcake (Viki)

gif by @liyazaki

Moving on to a slightly more mature workplace romcom. Old Fashion Cupcake, another Tumblr favorite, is an age gap boss-subordinate romance, and it’s both very adult and somehow wholesome af at the same time. Sure, there is a lot of carnal desire going on here, but there is also a lot of wooing via fluffy pancakes. It’s a tight five episodes and a fantastic example of what Japan, with its extreme technical precision in writing, directing, editing, pacing, and acting firing on all cylinders, can do in two hours. There’s not an ounce of flab on this thing and you’ll want to watch it over and over again.

Utsukushii Kare (Viki)

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Time to get a little weird! Weird is a key feature of Japanese media, and lots of jbls explore unusual relationship dynamics rooted in complex psychology. This is the first show on the list that will likely feel very Japanese if you’re new around here—my advice is to lean into it and finish the show, even if you get uncomfortable along the way. In Japanese media, discomfort always serves a purpose. This is a high school story with a twisted relationship at its center, and I’m not saying any more than that. Don’t spoil yourself and go watch it! This one also comes with two sequels—one short second season and one movie—that continue from the original story. They are less essential but still excellent.

I Cannot Reach You (Netflix)

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

Next up, another high school tale, but with a totally different vibe. This show is kind of a revelation in its willingness to tell a story about overwhelming desire—including sexual desire—with young protagonists. It’s rooted in a classic but often misunderstood trope, friends to lovers, and takes the angst of it seriously, giving us a low stakes story that feels extremely high stakes to our leads. It’s also gorgeous and uses a classic Japanese visual style (bokeh) that you’ll be dying to learn more about. 

His (Viki)

gif by @gabrielokun

Time for a break from high school, and we’ll sprinkle in a movie for some added flavor. His is a jbl film featuring a second chance romance between a stoic, introverted man who moves to a remote town to start over, and his ex-boyfriend who follows him there unexpectedly, adorable child in tow. Importantly, this movie does not take place in what we often refer to as the “bl bubble” where homophobia doesn’t exist; the leads’ experiences of being gay men in a homophobic society are hugely important to the plot and themes of the story. It’s a beautiful film and I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve watched it. @bengiyo would surely also like me to tell you that this film follows a brief prequel show called His: I Didn’t Mean to Fall in Love about the characters originally meeting in high school; I do not think it’s really necessary to watch it but completists can start there.

The Pornographer series (Gaga)

By now you should be ready to get into some classic Japanese fucked up psychosexual material, right? Right! The Pornographer series is told in five installments in this order:

The Novelist, a six episode miniseries

Mood Indigo, a six episode prequel series

Spring Life, a 15 minute short

Pornographer: Playback, a two hour film

Spring Life Continued, a 15 minute short

Confused by that distribution model? So say we all; sometimes Japan likes to make us work for it to make sure we really appreciate its many gifts to us. The story across these installments is about a very difficult to love protagonist, what makes him the way he is, and the also-unhinged-but-in-a-different-way man who finally gets through to him. It’s an extremely satisfying love story and one of the best character arcs I have ever seen, full stop. For this one, you’ll want to just pull the word problematic out of your pocket and store it in a drawer; nearly everything that happens in this story is problematic and that’s the point. Lean in! All of these installments except for the film are on Gaga, if you get that far hmu and I will supply you with the final puzzle piece.

Our Dining Table (Gaga)

You could probably use a break after those last two, so it’s time to shift over to a heart-tugging twofer: family trauma mixed with the cutest shit you’ve ever seen. ODT is an example of another classic type of Japanese show: the food drama (you will see the GOAT in this category at the end of this list). In Japanese culture, food is love, and the act of preparing food for your loved ones is a common path to romance. You’ll love this story about an isolated office worker who meets a pair of brothers, learns to cook as a way of connecting with them, and begins to heal from his own trauma as a result. The image above is a scan from the manga, which @troubled-mind curates to make extremely cool comparison sets like this one. Many jbls are faithful adaptations of yaoi manga source material, so it’s good to have a bit of familiarity with them.

Minato’s Laundromat (Gaga)

gif by @liyazaki

Japanese media loves to explore taboo, and often manages to do it in a way that is surprisingly light and chaste. This is an age gap romance between a teenager and his adult neighbor that explores internalized homophobia, emotional repression, and falling in love across seemingly impossible social chasms. It’s also a great example of old school yaoi seme-uke dynamics that still show up across the bl genre. Also, take my advice: end your journey with this one with the first season and just pretend season 2 doesn’t exist.

Eternal Yesterday (Viki)

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Remember what I said about weird? Time to do that again, but with a heaping dose of grief and pain on top. It’s not a spoiler to tell you this show involves a major character death; a major character death is, in fact, the root of the entire story. This is a magic realist tale of first love turned tragic, and it will hurt and heal you. It is one of my favorite dramas of all time.

Restart After Come Back Home (Gaga)

And now for a break for your poor exhausted brain. This film is basically the jbl version of a Hallmark original movie, about a city boy who goes back home to the country and falls in love with a total sweetheart while working together on a farm. Enjoy it, bestie, you’ve earned it! 

Tokyo in April Is… (Gaga)

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

You’ve probably noticed by now that emotional repression and failed communication are big themes in Japanese works. This second chance romance has plenty of both, and it’s a great example of a kind of muted emotional style that Japan does so well, where the surface of the story seems almost placid and calm even as deep emotion roils underneath. This one (and Eternal Yesterday above) are part of a special line up of jbls on Japanese channel MBS called Tonku (Drama) Shower. The shows air one after another in the same time slot on Fridays (in Japan, perhaps Thursdays for you depending on where you live) and you truly never know what you’re gonna get, but they’re all interesting. Warnings on this one for sexual assault and trauma. 

The End of the World With You (Viki)

Time for sexy and weird again, but even more so! This has to be one of the most unique bls ever made; it goes to some truly divine and strange places, and it feels incredibly queer while doing it. Made by the same screenwriter/director of the Pornographer series with a lot of the same sensibilities, but in a more heightened apocalyptic setting. This one has existential angst, a road trip, a redemption tale, and a variety of interesting side characters in the mix.

What Did You Eat Yesterday? (Gaga)

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

Congratulations, you’ve reached the end of the list and your reward is watching one of the best bls of all time, and a perfect slice of life food drama to boot. WDYEY now has two seasons (along with a couple specials and a movie that fall in between) because the universe clearly loves us. You can now get it on Gaga for easy access but I’m partial to the versions over at @kinounaniresource for better subs. Wherever you watch, settle in to get cozy with Shiro and Kenji and make sure to always eat before you hit play.

[mariacallous]

The problem with judging people for their sins is that the internet makes it exceedingly easy to invent sins. In February, Buzzfeed News reported on a man filmed by a passing TikTokker, who then uploaded the footage with text suggesting he’d lied to her to get out of a date. That was false—he’d never met her—but it didn’t stop people from ridiculing him as the video racked up over a million views.

Similarly, last year, an Australian woman objected to being made the star of a stunt in which a TikTokker asked her to hold a bouquet, strolled off, and then congratulated himself on performing a random act of kindness. Sixty million hits later, his viewers were praising him for brightening the day of a woman they judged to be old, lonely, and sad. But she objected to that characterization and declared the whole affair “dehumanizing.” She hadn’t asked to have her day interrupted, let alone be thrust into a global spotlight.

And then there are those incapable of even grasping the situation. In 2022, a TikTok channel was called out for surreptitiously filming the homeless with drones. Loved ones with dementia are put on TikTok to be infantilized or have their worst moments gawked at. Parents transform their children into viral stars. Sometimes, those children grow up and call them out for warping their youth.

When people tell us it was harrowing and wrong to be unwillingly cast into the spotlight, we nod and agree. But those responsible typically offer only half-hearted apologies or remain unrepentant, while their millions of views discourage reflection. Often, moral scolding is implicit in the video and explicit in the comments: It is wrong to be homeless. It is gross to be ill. It is pathetic to be unhappy.

To be sure, crass and hateful public figures are worthy of ridicule. And we’ve been using the internet to judge strangers for as long as we’ve had the internet. But the common trait shared by much of the most obnoxious content today is that someone chose to elevate a stranger for no reason beyond their own gratification, attracting attention at a scale unimaginable in the days of relics like Hot or Not and People of Wal-Mart.

At best, these are misguided attempts to juice the poster’s social media presence. At worst, they are pointless cruelty. That cruelty can be addictive, but we can and must resist the urge to gawk at strangers against their will. It should, in fact, be considered rude, insulting, and wrong to have uploaded a stranger against their will. We would not go out into the streets and stir up a mob against a random person. Why are we so comfortable with doing it online?

Much of what we post online is innocent and will remain so. The average Facebook user has 338 friends, while the average number of Instagram followers, according to one estimate, is just 150. You likely use these platforms to follow celebrities and brands, and to interact with friends and family. These are, for most users, insular communities. Vacation photos with friends or a family portrait at Christmas are unlikely to attract trolls and creeps, and even if they do, they are clearly posted in good faith.

But some platforms, like TikTok and Twitter, are more exposed to the vagaries and cruelties of the wider world. Anything you post on them can wind up in the feed of people who don't follow you. Therefore, anyone can become the day’s punching bag. Does your relative really understand what could happen if you put your interaction with them on TikTok?

Maybe you know better than to post Grandpa on Twitter without thinking it through. We know whether our friends and family like attention and whether they understand social media ecosystems, and with this knowledge we are capable of making informed decisions as to whether and on what platforms we should post them. We do not have the same knowledge of strangers. That can be a reason to not post them, but it can also be an excuse to post them without thinking.

If it came out that an influencer uploaded an interaction with a stranger to a private Facebook page or Discord server solely so their closest friends and family could pick them apart, it would rightly be considered misanthropic. And yet uploading a stranger so millions can mock and over-analyze them is just the business of content. That business needs to change.

It’s exceedingly unlikely we’ll ever eliminate jackassery from the internet, but a social media mishap involving a friend or family member can be resolved with communication.

It is harder for a complete stranger to succeed in that endeavor, especially when “Look at this weirdo I found, please gape at them” is the text or subtext of so many videos and posts by accounts that thrive on content starring the unwilling. Such content must become anathema. Particular thought must be taken before posting an interaction with a stranger, and the consent of a stranger to be posted at all is necessary to retain an internet that is even remotely civil. If someone does post a stranger without their consent, they should be shunned, not rewarded with the attention they crave.

The vast majority of disputes with unruly neighbors are solved by talking to them. Ideally, the law only gets involved when lines of communication break down. The same can be true of digital disputes.

We have privacy laws. If I were to post your name, address, and phone number, you would have legal recourse. And yet the same is not true for your image. Today, at least, you surrender your right to privacy by stepping into public. But outdated privacy laws are catching up to the abuses of government and tech, and the issues raised by social media virality could be next.

Still, a blanket law against posting strangers without their consent would be draconian and unworkable. There are too many variables, too many circumstances, and simply too many cases. However, whole generations who have been online since birth—sometimes unwillingly—could grow up to be more sensitive to the downsides of posting without permission, prompting a normative shift.

More specific laws are already evolving to handle some scenarios raised by nonconsensual virality, specifically as it applies to children. Irina Raicu of Santa Clara University’s Internet Ethics Program points out that a recent French law entitles child influencers to demand that platforms scrub all trace of them once they turn 16. The YouTube career their parents create for them—or force on them—need not be what defines them as adults. The United States is considering a similar law; a woman who testified to a House committee said the details of her first period were turned into content.

Another law being considered in France would make parents responsible for their children’s privacy rights. Le Monde cites, as an example of fame-seeking behavior that France is hoping to discourage, TikTokkers scaring their children by pretending to call the police on them, and an Instagrammer who smeared chocolate on her 4-year-old and convinced them they were covered in feces. We will eventually wonder how parents were able to get away with this at all.

So those who cannot consent are starting to be protected. But what about those who could consent, but don’t? And what if, as some unwillingly viral subjects have found, reaching out and asking for posts to be removed is met with silence or rejection?

In reality we already practice social media consent; it is not unusual to ask a friend if they’re alright with having a picture posted to Instagram, even though the face they make as they try to cram an unusually large sandwich into their mouth is not a flattering one. And yet we continually fail to extend this courtesy to strangers, either because we think nothing of it or because it is our job to go viral at all costs.

Some of this, as Raicu points out, can be blamed on the platforms we use, which encourage hair triggers. “There are ways in which the design choices behind many websites make it harder for all of us to think about consent,” Raicu wrote in an email. She points to the sheer ease of posting and the fact that norms around social media consent have not solidified. But she notes that platforms could “introduce some friction” in the form of, essentially, reminders that other people are human before you hit Post.

Future platforms could work to curtail shaming, either out of moral compulsion or legal necessity. Much as you can report harassment to social media platforms, posts that have elevated you to infamy against your will should be fair targets.

Lines have been drawn before. YouTube banned dangerous pranks and challenges after people were hurt and complaints mounted. TikTok is trying to tweak its algorithm in response to growing concerns that young users are awash in content encouraging suicide and incel ideology. Content made from those unable or unwilling to consent is a broad category that cannot be wiped out with algorithmic tweaks, but the damage is still happening, and we have the power to collectively declare that some forms of content are unacceptable and must no longer be tolerated.

Perhaps, given the increasing universality of social media usage—83 percent of Gen Z uses TikTok—platform-embedded tools could establish consent. Before posting a video of someone, an influencer could ask their username and send them a simple, stock contract granting them permission to post. Again, this need not apply to every random photo of friends. It could be optional, or it might apply only when an account reaches a certain threshold of followers. But a lack of permission could give a user cause when they cite unwanted virality and negative attention when asking for a post to be removed.

But most of the work will fall to people. It's difficult enough to remember that the man being a bit rude in the grocery store line is a fallible human being with hopes and dreams; it can be almost impossible to remind yourself of that when viewing a contextless clip of someone halfway across the hemisphere. The internet is capable of connecting us to tremendous numbers of people, even as it makes us forget that they are human like us.

An influencer comfortable with filming themselves for thousands of viewers should be comfortable with approaching a stranger and saying, “Would you mind appearing in a video I’m making? I’m going to post it on this platform, and I have this many followers. Take a minute to check me out.” Some already do, and surely there are people who would be happy to receive a free bouquet in exchange for appearing in a TikTokker’s silly stunt. But a no should be taken as a no, just as it should in any other scenario involving consent.

It’s all too easy to skip this step today. People who speak out when they feel harmed by what an influencer did with their image receive only a tiny fraction of the attention that the original posts featuring them got. But when an influencer is repeatedly called out for exploiting strangers—or when their exploitation is obvious, such as when they prey on the homeless—they should be frozen out of the social media ecosystem, not rewarded with attention and profit.

In the future, how will we be able to see such casual cruelty as anything but unethical? Maybe stories of regret are a sign of what’s to come. Brianna Wu, one of the victims of GamerGate, says she has fielded over 100 apologies, often from people who were at their lowest and saw her as an easy outlet for their emotions. But we generally don’t take our frustrations out on people on the street; understanding that people deserve to be protected from unsolicited online fame and malice is the next logical step.

We no longer parade people through villages on a cart or lock them in pillories in the town square to shame them, as was done in centuries past. We did not stop enforcing laws and norms, but we recognized that humiliation and ostracization are harsh, counterproductive tools. Eventually, we will make that realization about the strangers we parade across the internet.

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved on our archive

By Jessica Wildfire

Our friends and family think they understand their immune system because George Carlin explained it to them in the 90s:

"Where did this sudden fear of germs come from? What do you think you have an immune system for? It's for killing germs. But it needs practice. It needs germs to practice on. If you kill all the germs around you, and lead a completely sterile life, then when germs do come along you're not going to be prepared. What are you gonna do? I'll tell you what, you're gonna get sick and you're gonna die and you're gonna deserve it because you're f-ing weak and you've got a f-ing weak immune system."

George Carlin was right about a lot of things, but he was wrong on this one.

(He got plastic wrong, too.)

Unfortunately, this part of his 11th HBO standup special became permanently lodged into the American cultural memory. I only saw it once as a kid, but it stayed with me for the rest of my life.

Not even AP Biology could dislodge it.

I, too, used to think you built your immune system up by exposing yourself to harmful germs. How could the great prophet George Carlin be mistaken on something that made so much intuitive sense, especially when you dropped a few f-bombs in there? I also thought it was a good thing to exercise your way through a cold. Then I opened myself up to the possibility that I was wrong.

In the words of Carl Sagan, I'd been bamboozled.

In early 2020, this Carlin bit inspired countless reaction videos that still litter the internet. Anti-science zealots have used George Carlin's monologue on disease thousands of times over the last four years to ridicule masks, vaccines, and clean air. Everywhere you look, that piece of standup looms in the background, and it's getting revived again for bird flu. But even George Carlin got the idea from somewhere else.

You can trace this misguided notion back to hygiene theory, proposed by David Strachan in 1989. Strachan argued that a whole range of health problems in the late 20th century had roots in "a lower incidence of infection in early childhood." Basically, our immune systems weren't getting enough exposure to bacteria and viruses. He was mainly talking about the rise in childhood allergies as the result, but the media began printing loose interpretations of his studies and jumping to conclusions that less exposure to disease was a bad thing in general. So the public developed the idea that somehow getting sick was good for you. So began the myth of the "bored immune system" that needed practice in order to stay healthy. Gurus and quacks latched onto this idea. So did talkshows.

And then comedians...

It wasn't until 2003 that Graham Rook offered a more accurate description of the situation. As he explained, "microbes have evolved into an essential role in regulating our immune system... the microbes involved are not infections, but friendly microbes which make up our human microbiome. These are acquired by exposure to other humans or animals and microbiota from our natural environment."

This became known as the "old friends hypothesis."

The old friends hypothesis now serves as the dominant model for how microbes work with our immune system. According to immunologists, kids need to be playing outside more and eating fresher, healthier foods. That's what helps their immune systems.

Getting sick all the time just hurts them.

Like many debunked ideas, hygiene theory and the myth of the bored immune system have become entrenched. A couple of years ago, hygiene theory got repackaged as "immunity debt." Now Americans, Canadians, and many Europeans think they need to get sick to stay healthy. The elites have absolutely no problem with that. It saves them countless billions to let everyone continue thinking they're better off letting diseases run around in their cells.

So:

Your immune system doesn't work like a muscle. It doesn't get stronger the more it's exposed to different harmful germs.

It doesn't need practice.

Phillipp Dettmer gives a vivid, accessible breakdown of the immune system in his 2021 book, Immune. You can show it to any internet troll who brags about their knowledge of the immune system. Dettmer destroys misinformation, explaining how your adaptive immune system actually works, as well as your gut microbiome.

As many articles and books explain, your body has an innate immune system that already knows how to fight off pathogens. You can help your immune system by feeding it the nutrients it needs. (That's an entirely different article.) You can protect your immune system from pollution, cigarette smoke, and other toxins. But genetics determines a lot of your immunological makeup. You can be born with an immune system that doesn't work the way it should, and it's not your fault.

You also have an adaptive immune system that stores chemical blueprints of pathogens in memory T and B cells. According to a 2024 article in Nature, these cells respond better to specific pathogens your body has seen before. Those blueprints last only as long as your memory cells. Sometimes those cells mature and stay around for years, even decades. If they don't, then your body won't remember the pathogen.

Your body doesn't need exposure to viruses.

Your immune system responds to harmful microbes and it can develop memories from previous infections. Most of the time, those memories apply specifically to that specific strain, variant, or clade of the virus. For example, immune memory to one type of adenovirus or rhinovirus doesn't confer automatic, guaranteed protection against all of them, and there are hundreds.

Sometimes, cross-protection can happen, but it's limited and hard to predict. When it does, like with the original smallpox vaccine, it's a big deal. If that were easy, we would already have a universal coronavirus vaccine and wouldn't have to update flu shots every year. Most of the time, getting sick with one virus doesn't train your body to respond any better to other viruses, especially when those viruses aren't related.

Victoria's state department of health puts it very plainly:

"The immune keeps a record of every microbe it has ever defeated, in types of white blood cells (B-lymphocytes and T-lymphocytes) known as memory cells. This means it can recognise and destroy the microbe quickly if it enters the body again, before it can multiply and make you feel sick. Some infections, like the flu and the common cold, have to be fought many times because so many different viruses or strains of the same type of virus can cause these illnesses. Catching a cold or flu from one virus does not give you immunity against the others."

You can add Covid to that list.

Some research has suggested that because catching one virus activates your innate immune system, your body's broad layers of defense offer brief protection against other pathogens. Viruses also compete with each other, meaning that infection from one virus can ward off others. That's called viral interference. Neither option means your immune system benefits from exposure to viruses.

We can't explain all of the human immune system in a single post, but here's the point. It's way more complicated than George Carlin explained. There's a lot more going on. It's not as simple as training your immune system by giving it practice.

That's not how it works.

It just sounds good.

No credible doctor or immunologist recommends building your immune system by welcoming viral and bacterial infections into your life. The costs far outweigh the benefits. Many viruses exact a price on your body and your immune system. Getting infected over and over again makes you weaker, not stronger. Vaccines don't work because they give your immune system practice. They work because they allow your body to develop a memory of a pathogen without all the risk.

Many viruses, like the flu, often leave lasting damage even when your immune system fights them off. Your immune system actually does some of that damage itself by attacking infected cells. In the wake of flu, your entire body including your immune system needs time to recover. During that stage, you're vulnerable to opportunistic infections. Other viruses, like measles and ebola, disable your immune system and even wipe out memory cells.

That's also what Covid does, among many other things.

You can't develop full immunity to viruses that evade, attack, and disable large parts of your immune system. Sometimes you can develop partial immunity, but the virus still invades and still does damage every time. Just because you can recover from these infections, that doesn't mean you're better off afterward.

Think of it like this:

Your body already knows how to heal its skin and bones. You don't have to teach it how to do that by cutting yourself or breaking your arm.

As it happens, many westerners also think bones grow back stronger after they're broken and scar tissue is tougher than normal skin.

That's also false.

Scar tissue remains functionally deficient in many ways compared to uninjured skin. Broken bones form a temporary calcium callus that's stronger than ordinary bone, but it's eventually replaced.

These misguided ideas fit in a culture obsessed with tough love, the idea that abusing someone somehow builds their character. And while it might make you interesting, it's certainly not "good" for you.

Sometimes I wonder what George Carlin would think about having one part of a standup special used to endorse bad science and eugenics. I'd like to think he would have a problem with it.

There's a lot you can do to boost your immune system.

Getting sick isn't one of them.

[olderthannetfic]

Being a trans man and not being an anti is also isolating, which is part of why I think trans guys gravitate towards either being an anti or reposting anti posts. If you're not an anti, you get booted from discord servers, blocked on social media at best or sent misgendering rape threats, death threats and suicide bait by other trans men at worst, and now that I'm in college I've found IRL that not being an anti makes a lot of people in queer spaces available to the average college student incredibly uncomfortable. So you have to either be entirely alone - which is very difficult when you're young, queer, and just coming into your own identity - or you have to be around it a lot without saying a word. Agreeing with it at first wouldn't even be necessary. You just have to not say anything against it, and then you'll be able to be around other people.

It doesn't help that most trans men who get sucked into anti circles are teens at the time. There's 501 proposed anti-LGBT laws right now, not counting everything that has passed, the majority of it anti-trans. If you're a teenage boy seeing all this transphobia on the rise, you're going to feel powerless. Bullying people like antis do makes you feel power over at least a few people. Being told you can consume your way into being a good person via media intake makes you feel like you have power and control over at least that.

I was sucked in incrementally because I wasn't exposed to the more violent antis who fantasized about murder and hurting people for writing fiction, I met my only friend - who was an anti - after my dad had beaten me for coming out as trans, and I was sixteen. I got out when I was eighteen because once I went to live with my mom, a psychologist, she gently corrected me when I would say things that aren't based in fact. She pointed out how upset these people were making me. She taught me how to fact-check claims and look into the veracity of claims.

And when I tried to convey to my friends that no, what they were saying wasn't supported, they turned on me. Including the only person who had been there for me when I was hatecrimed, who had reached out to me specifically because she met me what day. I lost every friend I had in roughly 30 hours.

If I hadn't had a really great mom, a very intelligent rabbi who's well-versed in psychology and is a former lawyer who saw the "fiction made me do it" excuse used to defend heinous crimes and doesn't buy it, and an older half-sister who lived through people calling her a psycho lesbian because she's a lesbian who played D&D, listened to metal and dressed Goth in small-town Montana in the 80's/90's, I would have probably killed myself. Having those three people who accepted me and did not accept this extremist rhetoric kept me sane and repaired my self-esteem enough to keep me going.

But a lot of people don't have three adults who are intelligent, supportive, and know better than to fall for this faux-psychology. A lot of people don't even have one. Often, they have unsupportive people who also believe firmly in the faux-psychology of "if you watch a thing you'll do that thing IRL". So there's not only no one hauling them out of this, it's getting reinforced.

Being a non-anti who is a trans man gets me a lot of shit from a lot of people online and offline. (As other anons have mentioned during the ace discourse, online talking points come up on college campuses and in real life, because the internet is not an alternate dimension, it is something being used by the people around you who exist in the same physical space as you.)

A reality that I don't think people want to discuss is that trans men, just like all other people of all other genders, suffer a lot of psychological distress if they're put in a position where they have no support. I sure as fuck wasn't happy being in a position where I went from having tons of online friends, discord servers I could hang out in and fandoms I associated with good vibes to none of that, plus harassment, plus massive misgendering.

It's a lot less awful of an existence to be a trans man and an anti when you're young and need community and support than it is to not be an anti and be isolated. And humans gravitate towards the least awful option 99% of the time.

--

Yuuup.

Having some kind of real support network, usually offline but at the very least not randos you met a day ago on discord, is vital and is the difference between not only whether you rot in a pit of antidom forever but in stemming the massive flood of trans teen suicides. The overall queer rates aren't great, but the specifically trans rates... they're bad. They're so, so bad.

[updownlately]

stars through the window (they light up our disco)

| leah williamson x reader | fluff (just pure softness) | 1.5k | inspo: when you're home by tyler shaw. | a/n: this was supposed to be short and sweet, but it turns out despite my height, shortness is not a strength of mine. if you haven't heard the song before, definitely check it out, it's lovely! and if you have, see if you can count how many lyrics i sneaked in :)

~~~

Your insistence on getting an apartment with huge windows had frustrated Leah throughout your initial apartment hunt. You both were footballers with your lives constantly being the topic of interest of the media and the internet, no hint of privacy in the public world. Leah didn’t want to give them direct access to your most personal moments too. However, when it eventually became a heated topic that the two of you would butt heads on not only during any showing with your realtor, but over meals and downtime, Leah had decided that it wouldn’t be worth the risk of potentially losing you. Plus, she figured she could always purchase a nice set of black out curtains in order to keep away prying eyes. Letting you win, the decision to choose an apartment had become ever so slightly easier (the clear joy on your face had been a good reward too), the pair of you eventually deciding on one that fit all the requirements, a house that was ready to become a home.

And while she wouldn’t tell you this, in this moment, Leah was glad that she had gone along with your terms in that initial disagreement. The both of you were currently in said apartment, a soft playlist filling the room through the numerous hidden speakers in the living room as each of you quietly did your own thing. It was just a little after dinner that you had suggested turning off the lights in the apartment and playing some music to help the two of you relax. Between the flurry of games and practices you both had had, it was safe to say the downtime of the past day-off had been a blessing. 

While you and Leah played together for Arsenal, her duties as a key face of the Gunners’ women’s team and England often led to much of your time spent away from each other. Nights like these, where you got to spend the evening together, gently watching over London as the city began to head to bed, the two of you basking in the presence of each other, contentedly present, were some of your favourites. 

You were laying on the sofa reading, the light of the sunset shining through the near-completely glass wall illuminating your book, whilst Leah was sprawled on the arm chair next to you, the evident sounds of overplayed songs coming from her phone signifying her doom-scroll of TikTok.

It was when dusk started to turn into night, just under an hour later, that you gave up on trying to progress any further in your story, the waning light too faint to make out the words that littered the paper. Bored and missing your girlfriend, you padded over to Leah, gently taking her phone out of her hands and placing it on the coffee table that rested near you. 

“Leah…I’m bored. I was enjoying my book and then the light started fading,” you whined, settling yourself in her lap, arms coming around her neck, head on her shoulder.

Placing a delicate kiss on the exposed part of your neck, Leah pulled you closer, her hands finding home on your waist. 

“How dare the sun set and the day turn to night, hmm? It’s a shame we don’t have any means to light the inside of our home,” she joked, causing you to gently smack her shoulder from where you rested (not an easy feat, given the two of you were positioned lengthwise in the single seat).

“I’m bored. Entertain me,” you pleaded. “Please.”

Tucking her head your shoulder in response, Leah blindly reached for your phone from your pocket, turning up the volume of the music ever so slightly and changing the playlist from your current acoustic covers to one that she had made for the two of you once the device was in her hands.

“I have a few ideas on what we can do,” she smirked, pulling back and meeting your eyes.

Recognizing the glint in your girl’s eyes, you had just leaned in to kiss the blonde, lips merely centimetres away, when Leah deviously decided it was the perfect time to get up and prepare for her little activity. Her hands moved to your thighs to make sure you wouldn’t fall as she picked you up with herself, moving quicker than normal to tease you, your shrieks echoing in the room at the unexpected movement.

Carefully setting you on the floor, Leah made quick work of moving the coffee table to the side, creating room for a faux dance floor in the middle of your living room, as you looked on in confusion.

When Leah turned to you, hand outstretched in the space between you two, the streetlights illuminating her soft smile ever so angelically, you extended your own, intertwining the two, binding the skin of your hands.

You let the blonde pull you into her, stepping into her space, your bodies pressed close together. 

A bashful smile on her face, Leah took a moment to appreciate you, in awe of the way you so effortlessly stood in front of her, a golden glow on your face, no doubt due to the stars shining through the window. (She secretly hoped she’d get this view again, but in a different setting, where hopefully the pair of you would wear white, sunlight streaming down on you two).

Wrapping up her admiring, Leah took note of the perplexed look on your face, quickly choosing to put you out of your misery. 

“Let’s put on a show?” She asked shyly. “Dance with me?”

You couldn’t help but grin at the Englishwoman standing in front of you. It wasn’t rare that Leah let her soft, romantic side show, yet each time, it left you just as elated as the first time. The stone cold captain on the field seemed to turn to mush in your presence, your teammates never failing to remind you both of the way you had the midfielder wrapped around your pinkie.

“Lead the way m’lady,” you winked, smiling lightly to yourself, finally realising that Leah had put on the playlist of love songs she had made for you.

The pair of you slowly danced, swaying to the music as the stars outside faintly lit your disco. Words unsaid, Leah held on to you tighter, slowly guiding you through a waltz and spinning you so gracefully before tenderly pulling you back, impossibly closer to her.

You weren’t one to dance, often joking to yourself that you had two left feet and that any use of footwork was better left on the pitch for you. Yet, here you couldn’t help but follow Leah’s footsteps, trusting her to lead you both, trusting her trust in you. And when Leah looked into your eyes, asking for permission to dip you down, you could only whisper her name, nodding ever so slightly, confident that she’d catch you, knowing for certain that she wouldn’t let you fall, at the very least, not on your own, not by yourself. Whether it be four feet or three on the floor, you knew she’d be there for you, just like she had every step of the way since the start.

As song after song played, the two of you moved delicately around the makeshift stage, eyes and hands not once leaving the other. With each waltz after waltz, spin, and dip, you knew that if paradise was on Earth, it would be here, in your apartment, as the pair of you silently spoke your affection for the other with each second that passed.

And when tired feet led you to sit down, cuddled up on the couch, wrapped in your love for each other, FIFA illuminating the rest of the room, Leah knew that the windows that she hated in the apartment that she loved had grown on her. The way the passing rays lit up your face, bathing you in an ethereal glow was a heavenly sight to see, one that she wished on any and every shooting star that she’d get to see for the rest of her life.

Your shared apartment that had been gently crafted into a home, was nothing but a skeleton, a shell of a safe haven, if it didn’t have the two of you. The love shared between you two overflowing, seeping into the cracks, filling them with delight and affection. As long as it had you both, you knew that it would be all you’d ever need, and everything you’d ever want. The best thing in your lives had only started, a whole future waiting for you ahead. A future full of you two together, coupled with friends and family, and a sky full of love, where life couldn’t get much better than this dreamland turned reality, a present in the night that passed.

[good-beansdraws]

Making a full post for my Fuuta Ballet AU because I actually had more thoughts about it hehe (Ballerina Girl)

+ a version of the au that's more general to the whole cast, with Es as the protag here!

As mentioned in the art, he’s exactly the same as canon except his life now revolves around dance. He’s in a very cliquey company (The Dark Pas de Trois?), surrounded by friends who are very similar-minded. Even though they're not in dance competitions specifically, they're constantly striving for better reviews/reputations than the neighboring companies. Fuuta struggles with stage fright, but doesn't let on to the others -- he just pushes through every time.

They visit a company rehearsing Nutcracker, and one of the snowflake dancers does something problematic backstage. Fuuta blasts him on social media for it, gaining popularity for his own account/dance company. Auditions and things go a bit smoother for them now that they’re internet famous.

There’s a scandal with the dancer playing the demon sorcerer Rothbart in Swan Lake, and Fuuta catches it on film. The video goes viral, once again boosting Fuuta’s popularity and ego. He’s praised as both a hero and talented performer. His friends are also soaring with this newfound fame.

Then, he catches a young background dancer in Sleeping Beauty doing something he deems worthy of a callout. He exposes her all over his social media. Rather than the usual social backlash, the girl is harassed in person. A crowd takes things too far, and an accident results in an injury that ends her career just as it was beginning. She will never dance again.

Facing his suspicious friends (and overcome with his own guilt), Fuuta flees the company. He plans on quitting dance for the rest of his life as well. Instead, he gets a mysterious invitation to the Milgram Dance Academy. He's never heard of them before, and the internet doesn't turn up much on them. Left with few other choices, he shows up for the first lesson.

The first thing that strikes him is it's a boarding school. He must live there and follow their rules in order to attend. They take his phone and restrict outside contact, much to his horror. The school solely focused on the arts -- no competitions, no big shows. There are three major shows they are planning, but Fuuta couldn't find any venues/tickets/advertisements, despite mention of a "global audience". The program is rigorous, and the instructor decides at the end of each semester if their final performance passes or fails.

The only thing more concerning than the sudden restriction of his phone is the strange group of residents he'll be spending his next few years with. His instructor is a mere child, no more than fifteen and very cryptic about their past training. His other classmates range in age and personality. He starts off dancing just as confident as usual, trying to show up the other students and make a strong first impression.

However, he fails the first semester. The grade list is made public to the whole academy, and Fuuta finds himself the subject of watching eyes and condescending whispers. Becoming sensitive to prying stares and audiences, he falls back into his usual stage fright. He endures (emotional) attacks from the passed students, although in his distraction he screws up some cues and gets injured.

Regarding the actual choreography -- as much as I love the classic shows (I mean, just look how cute he is as the nutcracker ;-;) my brain has been going brrrrr picturing ballet adaptations of the mvs... 🎹 / 🎹 / 🎹 / 🎹

[wannabelife]

I love your blog 🙈 I rb from my sideblog @mykpopficblog and I will take anything and everything you have about svt x actress!reader. it's my faaavorite au. i just love the idea of a beautiful entertainment couple.

ofc :D that's a new setting for me, so i'll try my best to make it good

SVT MEMBERS X ACTRESS READER – HEADCANONS

how it would be dating seventeen as an actress

- i dont think he'd like to expose too much, probably would answer questions with just yes or no, because he knows the media and wants to protect you both and the relationship. it'd be easy to catch him staring lovingly at you at public appearance tho, being a point always commented online.

seungcheol

jeonghan

- would loveeeee to tease you, would mention you on interviews just to make a teasy comment. paparazzi pictures of you both laughing and joking around in public would be all over internet, or him annoying you, and people would reply with "couple goals" and such things.

joshua

- a gentleman wbk! open the car door for you when you're arriving in public events, hold your hand to help you pass through the crowd, red carpet pictures together and would leave for solo pictures of you because he thinks you're the most beautiful and would be a waste to have him in the pic.

jun

- i think he would choose to be secretive, once in a while, appear a picture of you both out together, and people always comment in your outfits and style. he would definitely mention you in interviews but without saying directly your name, because he just cant help, you're a big part of his life.

hoshi

- MATCHING CLOTHES!!!!! you always choose matching outfits when you go out in public and its always flawless; or you get each others pieces borrowed and people would notice it. fashion is a big part of your public appearance. clothes and also other matching itens like jewelry, polaroids and so on.

wonwoo

- another one who would get secretive about it, his face wont hide tho when you're mentioned. and that's why, you're like his weak spot, he gets all shy and excited when talking about you so he prefers to make it behind doors. not many paparazzi pictures, but nice ig fancy posts of your dates.

woozi

- are you dating or are you not? is it just rumors? people are curious about your relationship!!! there are public articles and speculations, only pictures of you together but with other friends or of you sneaking to his studio. people are quite sure but they just cant tell. you both choose to be like this, you're not hiding but prefer not to make it as public.

mingyu

- you really inspire him, he had had tried acting before, and you just keep making him want to try it more. he'd love it if one day you two get to act in a movie or drama together and always voice out his interest in interviews, saying how much he can learn from you and how talented you are.

dokyeom

- he's an actor too so it'd be a common scene of you two playing around on little sketchs. he also likes to help you rehearsal your scenes and learn your lines. he's very passionate about your work, makes you confident.

minghao

- likes to tease you about being jealous, a bit sulky and cocky but just for the fun of bothering you. he'd love to walk around holding your hands and the public chaos it'd cause, he just loves that everybody knows you're his. also, post pics of you or of you both together on social media.

seungkwan

- seungkwan is charismatic and known in different entertainment fields, so i sense this tom holland and zendaya type of public relationship. he wouldn't be afraid to praise you in his solo interviews and talk stories about your life together, this type of thing, you know what i mean?

vernon

- you're fucking biggest fan!!! he's known to be a fan of movies already, would watch every single work of yours, and mention it as one of his favorites in any given interview moment. most public appearances are on your premieres that he loves so much to go.

dino

- the type to get a bit jealous and insecure when you have to act as a couple with someone else, but he doesn't want to show it. he's very protective over you, loves to claim you at any given chance and talk about funny anotes of you two.

[simplespacedust]

hey so i'm gonna talk about pro-shippers because i feel like none of you have critical thinking skills.

please, if you are going to read this, read to the end because there are multiple parts to my argument.

SOMETHING IMPORTANT: i don't think it is okay to doxx, harass, or send death threats to people on the internet! if you send death threats to people, you are awful! if you go out of your way to harass people when they tell you to leave them alone, you are awful! if someone says something you don't like, talk with them like a normal fucking person jesus christ! if you repeatedly harass a pro-shipper, you are not helping them get any better!

firstly, in terms of "problematic" stuff in mainstream media, most component people can recognize when a piece of media is commenting on something with the use of a relationship/something problematic as a metaphor. just because something exists on-screen doesn't necessarily mean the message of the media endorses it. this is why you never (hopefully) see anyone getting upset about murder in movies. the piece of media is not saying murder is good. it is using it to make a commentary/characterize someone/etc.

now that we have set that precedent, we can move on to pro-shipping in fandom spaces. pro-shipping in fandom spaces if often fundamentally different between than the more general category of just "relationships in media." in fandom spaces, the tendency when creating art, writing fics, posting headcannons, etc. is for the purpose of personal/audience enjoyment. this is why pro-shipping is more often problematic within fandoms. if a person did want to create/add to problematic ships for a purpose other than getting off to it, that would be a different story! thats fine!

unfortunately, however, many pro-shippers do not proship for the literary merit/symbolism/characterization etc. many of them do it because they find the idea of parent-child or sibling-sibling relationships attractive. this is where the problem is. they symbol itself is not the problem, its the message/purpose of the work/art/headcannon itself.

i hear a lot of people talking about how pro-shipping is often a coping mechanism for dealing with trauma a person has experienced. my response to that? KEEP IT TO YOURSELF AND GO TO THERAPY!!!! if you are having to resort to jacking off to fictional incest to cope, then clearly you need the help of a professional to work through your issues! if you cannot for whatever reason, still keep it to yourself!

it is well understood that people are influenced by the opinions of people around them/what they see and interact with. putting out bullshit on the internet that portrays problematic relationships as desirable can one, create a pedophile safe space, and two, unintentionally (or maybe even intentionally!) expose children to these types of relationships and make it seem normal in their brains, which could cause them to not speak up about it if something bad does actually happen to them! even if a person shouldn't be in a space, they are! it doesn't harm you to not post the porn you wrote of that one kid and his dad from south park. and that only talks about adult only spaces, i have seen a shit ton of pro-shippers on tiktok, a platform marketed towards minors.

ANOTHER SIDE NOTE (i have a lot to say and am terrible at organizing my thoughts srry) is that a lot of times pro-shippers infiltrate general fandom hashtags. a child who is scrolling though a bluey hashtag on tiktok should not have any risk of running into someone on the internet describing how bluey's dad would r4p3 her!

you may think that because you are only talking about fictional characters and "its a coping mechanism" its okay, but it is most certainly not! not all coping mechanisms are healthy and what you post on the internet most CERTAINLY has a real effect on people. this is basic media literacy and critical thinking, guys. stop posting child/sibling smut headcannons on the internet! it is absolutely vile!

with all of that being said, (i said this at the beginning but i am going to say it again) i still dont think it is okay to doxx, harass, or send death threats to people on the internet! if you send death threats to people, you are awful! if you go out of your way to harass people when they tell you to leave them alone, you are awful! if someone says something you dont like, talk with them like a normal fucking person jesus christ! if you repeatedly harass a pro-shipper, you are not helping them get any better!

(im gonna put a bunch of proshipper hashtags at the bottom of this to reach the targeted demographic, i am NOT a proshipper, i am NOT an "anti anti" and i do NOT believe proshippers are valid, again, this is just for reach just to be clear)

[zenithabovemarshland]

Just thinking aloud about fame, celebrity, and Pluto in Aquarius...

When Britney Spears was released from the conservatorship there were posts about how it's likely Britney might not be as internet-literate or socially appropriate as we'd like her to be, considering everything she went through. The posts encouraged others to be patient and understanding, and not to cancel her if she happens to make any mistakes.

Just now I saw a similar point about Gypsy Rose Blanchard. Now that she's released she intends to make herself very public online, but her entire life (32 years) has been spent in either one prison or the other. There are concerns for how she might adjust to the internet we know today, seeing as how she likely didn't get the opportunity to grow alongside social media the way the rest of us did.

In the 2024 Year Ahead Forecast from The Astrology Podcast they brought up the Pluto in Leo generation, and how that period of time and that generation relate to the making of our concept of "celebrity". They're also the generation that are holding on to power (like the presidents of the USA). Pluto in Leo gen is also unique because it's one of the only Pluto generations that is likely to live to their Pluto opposition, which is happening now. With this Pluto opposition, the pod talked about how the idea of who gets to be in power is likely to change. As well as our concept and relationship with "celebrities".

In 1991, Pluto in Scorpio (square to Pluto in Leo, if it matters. Whether it matters is still something I'm exploring here), Michael J. Fox was diagnosed with Parkinson's. I'm not actually sure how public illness was allowed to be previous to that. I just remember growing up how Michael J. Fox was something of a special case, and his celebrity status helped make massive leaps in awareness and research for Parkinson's.

Hollywood became big in the 1920's, when Pluto was in Cancer. While Pluto has been in the opposite sign, Capricorn, I feel like I've heard about a million celebrities coming out with illness. Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, Bruce Willis. Recently, Celine Dion. If you Google it, there are lists of dozens of celebrities with chronic illnesses. Not to mention mental illness, which has become that much more public.

My feeling at this point is that there are themes of privacy, hidden and internal illness, and representation here that we've seen getting dug up from the Pluto in Cancer era. True crime stories from old Hollywood, being open about mental illness, exposing how child talents have been exploited by the industry, and of course, hidden afflictions to celebrities are changes we've seen around fame through the trine, Pluto in Scorpio, and opposition, Pluto in Capricorn.

Most obviously, though, who gets to be famous has changed the most in the last 20 years. It used to be only special, hand-picked people who got to be famous. Now it could be anybody with a cell phone.

I think of this blog post on the Aries Point by Ace (AliceSparklyKat), where they talk about how the angular points seem to manifest. They've noticed that celebrities whose Sun is at 0 degrees Cancer seem to be regarded as chameleon-like in their nationality, form, or culture, and those with 0 degrees Capricorn seem to be known for a peak example for one nationality, form, or culture. I wonder if this can be seen in this shift to influencer culture, particularly in the rhetoric that celebrities until now have been made to represent everybody. But now, after Pluto in Capricorn, we are much more aware of the consequences of not having fair representation of more nuanced, individual experiences. At first it was all about art and talent. Now, it's about the hard tacks of who gets what job and why, and the consequences of story. Very Cancer to Capricorn opposition coded.

Anyway, I feel like I've noticed a lot of celebrities becoming ill in the past, and now I feel like I'm seeing some "taboo" issues come up in influencer culture. I'm wondering about how this could be gearing us up for Pluto in Aquarius.

What do you think??? I really want to hear your thoughts!

[spicymotte]

How fandom culture killed my creativity

hi. I have some thoughts about my time in a huge fandom and how it changed me:

First of all, I would like to say that these are my personal experiences in a large anime fandom. I have made very good friends with whom I am still in contact today - and I was exposed to a kind of brain rot that has changed the way I deal with art forever. However, this does not apply to every fandom/every person.

this - essay? - is way longer than I thought it would be. More under the cut:

In 2020, after a long break, I was able to get excited about One Piece again. Until then, I had always considered art important to me and I had never been able to do it professionally. (maybe someday...!)

The One Piece fandom is huge. There are now over 1000 manga chapters and anime episodes, which is gigantic; and the fandom itself is just as huge: millions of fans love this manga/anime and exchange ideas about it on the internet. I was previously very limited to tumblr, but then I ventured into OPtwt, the One Piece community on Twitter. There is a lot of fan art, fan fiction and small cliques that like the same character. There is something for everyone. It was great! I had a hyperfixation phase on OP before, in 2017. Now it came back - so violently that I realized very quickly that I could hardly think of anything else but One Piece.

Hyperfixations involve two major factors: an intense obsession with a character (or theme/media/whatever), which often brings with it a bottomless well of inspiration and motivation for artists – and a strange influence on brain chemistry. Neurodivergent people are prone to difficulties with the release of happiness and rewarding hormones anyway, and even though I am in no way qualified to make grand statements, as a person living with AuDHD, hyperfixations are both a blessing and a curse.

Often, the neurodivergent niches in the fandom communities are very lively. On extremely interactive social media like Twitter, TikTok and Instagram, you are flooded with posts of fan art, discussions and also escalation. It quickly becomes stressful for the brain to keep up with it - especially if you manage to accumulate a large number of followers. (also a blessing and a curse!)

I started posting fanart and OC x canon in 2020. I spent most of the last three years on Twitter and I have to say that it set me back in some ways. At first, I was slow to get to know people through fanart, but then I got to know people very quickly: fellow artists that I am still good friends with today and, unfortunately, people who have also succumbed to an incredible, destructive brainrot. I had chosen a character (or rather, my brain did) who plays almost no role in One Piece. All the better, so I pretty much had him to myself and I could do whatever I wanted. The OC x canon community is generally very friendly and respectful, so I found quite a few people who liked what I drew. Cool!

And then it started. With fanart and a small fan club for my OCs, I got more followers and more likes. More retweets and comments, more notifications. The algorithm started to like me and the growth increased steadily. My fandom (OP) account grew, as did my reach.

I checked Twitter more and more. Every free second I took my smartphone in my hand and checked my notifications. I reloaded the page until I had a new notification. I repeated this on Instagram and tumblr. Sometimes I catch myself doing it today, even though I haven't been active in this fandom for over a year!

Likes were good, retweets better. Every notification of an interaction with my art was a push on the feel-good button in my brain. It's very addictive, even if I talked myself out of it at first. The pandemic was at its peak and the internet was the only way to meet friends anyway. All this shit was fast food for my brain.

Then I started drawing fanarts, even though I didn't feel like it. But the likes had to come from somewhere, didn't they? I drew favorites from manga, characters that I didn't even like that much myself. But they were popular, so that promised likes and reach! Every single day, really every day, I drew fanarts. I was disappointed with myself if I didn't.

As of today, my two One Piece art folders have 80GB of data in it! what the fuck!! That's not normal!

I learned a lot during that time and was able to develop my art. I was able to participate in projects, to draw for several zines and also had a lot of fun – but I treated it like a job. Making fan art your job is very difficult – and has a lot of consequences. If you run a merch shop (as I did for a short time), you always have to follow the hype and draw what's in style. You switch fandoms because the hype has just burned out and the next new thing is already in style. If you're one of the first to offer keychains and stickers - or plushies - you make the big money. That brings profit, but in my opinion you can very quickly step on the wrong foot in this jumping around and slip into burnout. (Or stagnate to such an extent that you lose all motivation to refine your artistic skills and become better at your craft.)

I see friends of mine, many of them, who are trying to live off of fandom merch. They all have one thing in common: their skills in art have remained absolutely the same over the past few years or have even declined. If you have to churn out a new batch of merchandise every week, you have to cut corners. There is no time for experiments and crazy studies when you can hardly live and have to produce merch/fan art that sells 100% well.

I don't mean to offend anyone - it's just that I've been thinking a lot about my own setbacks as an artist since I've been dealing with them so intimately. And I've definitely made some setbacks!

In 2021-2023, fandom life continued and got worse and worse. Checking my smartphone, drawing something every day to post it - just so that the algorithm doesn't sort me out. Posting daily is the number one rule on all Social Media, unfortunately. But I did it, no matter how burned out I felt.

And then there were the dramas on Twitter: internet puritans, antis and proshippers were screaming at each other and tearing each other to shreds (a trap I almost fell into myself! anti and pro are the biggest bullshit ever and I'm lucky enough to have reached a point where I can say: I don't give a shit lol). Callout posts, vague tweeting and aggression instead of simply blocking and moving on. Harassment that I myself experienced: I blocked a few people because I found them strange and unpleasant. They posted explicit things that I did not want to see on my timeline. This triggered a wave of harassment that was simply disgusting. These are people who hate their own lives so much that they can't do anything but feel miserable and stalk strangers online. Admittedly, this made me paranoid: a group of people had chosen me as a target. They passed around screenshots of many of my tweets and made fun of me, copying and stealing my art 1:1. They lied and cheated to make me look like an asshole – and this went on for years. It made me paranoid and was the first step away from fandoms, as it escalated more and more.

So, I was successfully bullied out of the fandom and my hyperfixation was over. It left a terrible void that I am still trying to fill today. Neurodivergence sucks, I'll tell you.

That's when I honestly asked myself for the first time: What the fuck am I doing here? When did I become a content machine for strangers on the internet? Why the hell do I feel so bad when I don't draw for a day? And why do I care what strangers think about me?!

Then I realized that I can't draw anymore.

Without references or the 3D models from Clip Studio Paint, I'm lost. When I try to draw something without any help, I sit in front of an empty canvas. My hands don't do what they're supposed to do and my brain blocks the thought of how drawing even works. My eyes only see the mistakes I make. Everything I draw looks bad to me.

I realized I have a problem.

So I try again and learn it all again from scratch: Anatomy, perspective, color theory, everything. But every time I sit down and try to put something on paper, there's nothing there. I've been drawing things every day for the last four years. Now my hyperfixation on this character and this manga is over and there's nothing left. I've been burning the candle at both ends and I've broken something in the process. Art is no longer something I enjoy. I need art to live and breathe, no doubt, but… the barrel now has a bottom again and it's empty to the last drop.

The little motivation I can muster goes into my webcomic, which is my everything. It's just mine, not a fandom. I feel honored that so many people read this comic. At the same time, I'm afraid that it's not enough; in my eyes, my art doesn't look good. Being surrounded by perfect illustrations on social media all day long distorts one's own perception of art, like the beauty industry that gives you body dysmorphia. On top of that, I haven't had any financial success with my comics in recent years, none at all. The dream of being an independent comic artist has receded so far into the distance that I can no longer see it. Bummer.

The constant stream of content that I gave during my fandom days has set me back incredibly. I can no longer enjoy the process of art, but my brain constantly pushes me to finish it, to have a finished product - because then I can post the drawing and get the virtual handshake that my weird brain likes so much.

Social media detox, of course, is the first thing that comes to mind. It's actually bullshit that we're all so addicted to these apps, but here we are. It's uncomfortable for me to admit, but I have hardly any friends in real life. I'm very introverted and many people find my autism very unpleasant (I can't blame them, I often come across as rude), so I only have 1-2 friends. I would like to have more friends, but maintaining social contact is terribly exhausting. It's hard enough to reply to my mutuals in the DMs (sorryyyyy if I forget sometimes………).

And what if I just take a break for a while and don't draw so much? Recharge my batteries? Right now I'm taking a 6-week break, partly because my jaw surgery is coming up soon. I'll be sick anyway, so why not put the webcomic on hiatus and take a break for a while? I don't know if it will work out, but I have a hunch that it won't, because I always have the fast-paced internet in the back of my mind. How can I be a freelancer if I don't do fanart? How can I make money with it to help my partner, who is currently financing our lives, financially? How can I, as a disabled person, find a job that I can do and at the same time build my career as an artist? As an independent comic artist, I have to do the job of so many people (artist, author, manager, taxes, work organization), how am I supposed to do that?

I have no answers to these questions. Original works don't go nearly as well as fanart! So you have to work ten times as hard and play by the vague rules of the algorithms, which is exhausting enough. Nowadays, you can only be lucky and ride the viral wave if it falls into your lap.

But reflecting on my time in a huge fandom has made me realize that I was going down a very wrong path and am now experiencing the consequences. I'm completely burnt out and no longer know why I'm even making art anymore. I don't know if I want to make art much longer. (I think shit-life-syndrome plays a big role here, but not exclusively.)

As I said, I don't have any answers - but I would at least like to warn those who are having difficulties with distancing themselves from the internet and are quickly losing themselves in this maelstrom of social media.

I have since deleted Twitter from my smartphone and, fortunately, have hardly ever used TikTok (dodged a bullet there!). I try to get back into traditional art and get away from my computer. I am all the more grateful to the people, my community, so to speak, who do nonsense with me on tumblr. They read my comics and are extremely nice to me, which I really appreciate. Thank you!

I don't know yet if and how it will continue, but I would like to finish Berserkir in the next few years. I'd love to find a way to finish all the short comics I want to make, even though it's just me and not a whole team. Maybe I'll find a way, maybe I don't. Anyways, thanks for sticking around!

[dapg-otmebytheballs]

I hardly ever go on twt (it's too open it's too exposed it's too algorithmcally driven nowadays, it's not my thing) but ofc as many others have pointed out, that kinda dogpiling and harassment over anything that's not meeting a purity standard is not exclusive to twt, it happens a ton on tumblr too. I don't say this in defence of twt (bc I don't have a horse in that race anyway) but more to explain why I say anything about this stuff happening on another platform: I don't want to get complacent. I don't want to act like it's something we are unaffected by here, I have seen people driven off, harassed, doxxed, gossip about them spread through public and private channels, all over some random fics or posts that didn't pass a purity standard (or often because of some personal conflict which people dogpiled on and used vague accusations to weaponise against someone they had personal beef with, that's also common enough)

On twt of course rage bait and seeking engagement means something more than it does here because of algorithm reasons, but even so we should know not to tolerate dogpiling, not to tolerate doxxing, not to tolerate harassment campaigns because that's not something tumblr is free of. DnP have never minded fic of themselves we know that already. Hey have read and joked around with smutty fic about them, they have outright seriously said that they don't mind the fic. They are also as of late using quite sexually charged language in their videos let's be real. As someone else pointed out, anyone who is still watching dnp is being exposed to nsfw language like that already. Anyone who is uncomfortable with talk and content that's nsfw in any particular way has the responsibility themselves to not engage.

Every space every person every blog and account is not going to be minor friendly sfw, that's just how it is, and we shouldn't expect people to take responsibility for other people who might see their stuff. If minors are entering spaces that host adult content be it any social media site or youtube or ao3 or whatever, it's up to minors (or their guardians) to keep away from content that could be bothersome by blocking tags and people or filtering content. But that doesn't make it the responsibility of every adult just living their adult lives to never say anything nsfw bc some minor might see it bc that's just ceding ground to the "keep every part of the internet child safe and family friendly" kind of shit social media sites have been pulling which both 1) makes the waters murky and makes spaces much more dangerous for minors and 2) in practice is only used to get rid of queer shit as we have seen on tumblr

When discourse starts up anywhere it's gonna have people think on it at least and form opinions and share ideas, and I only bring this up because I hope we can keep away from repeating harmful ideas, and especially from causing hurt and harm to others in the community just because we didn't ike something they wrote or said.

Tldr: Dogpiling and harassment does happen on Tumblr also and should never be seen as acceptable. DnP have never minded fic. "Think of the children" rhetoric is harmful. And a side note: 'porn addiction' is not real it's pseudoscience

[commsroom]

Hello! How much pop culture knowledge do you think Hera has? Has she seen star wars?

hi! that's an interesting question. the simplified answer is that she doesn't have pop culture knowledge - the only media she has any firsthand knowledge of is whatever goddard deigned to give her access to. she's never been on the internet. most likely, the only movie she's ever seen is home alone 2. but that gets fuzzier - and more complicated - when you ask what, exactly, she has in her databanks. what's on the hephaestus's servers? "my databanks indicate janis joplin died in -"? that's pop culture trivia. "well, i don't know what i want, but i know how to get it" is a fun punchline, but there's no way she's actually heard anarchy in the u.k. - is she just remembering and quoting a previous reference back at eiffel? even recognizing bach - does she have prior knowledge of classical music? does she have access to sheet music and the ability to read it? i'd believe that as something cutter would consider useful... education? socialization? for lack of better terms, but we don't have much information on what goddard AIs are exposed to pre-assignment.

i hold to the belief that hera's claim that she's going through "all the writing - i think it's all in here, more or less" stems from an inability to really conceptualize just how much writing there might be. her whole life has been split between high security goddard labs and deep space, and she's met, like, a dozen people ever. i think it would be entirely reasonable for her to see a few thousand books of historical and literary significance and to think, well, that's probably most of it, right? probably everything important, anyway. (and i think she'll be very embarrassed and very overwhelmed when she realizes.)

and then, well. of course, there's eiffel. he speaks in pop culture references to the point it's practically a second language; of course hera has picked up a ton of secondhand knowledge just from connecting the dots and inferring what he's trying to say. hera hasn't seen star wars (though it's maybe inevitable she will, back on earth), but she's heard eiffel talk about star wars and describe star wars to her beat by beat and reenact scenes from star wars from memory (his own voices and sound effects included), so she probably feels like she's seen star wars. ... more or less.

[sabrgirl]

Say, ‘O People of the Book! Why do you turn the believers away from the path of Allah, seeking to make it crooked, while you are witnesses thereof? And Allah is not unmindful of what you do.’ (3:100).

it honestly breaks my heart seeing so many muslims hating on other muslims on social media— especially the hate muslim women get. when will the world change? are we not the final religion of Allah? but we’re hating on our own people like this? why so hard to be kind?

do not doubt the power of prayer. simply praying for Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ to guide someone will not only work wonders, but YOU will also get the reward for praying for someone! by doing so, the angels will pray for you! but instead, it’s almost every comment section you open on a muslim video/post that there’s someone hating and judging as a way of ‘guiding’ someone. it is so heartbreaking. people have left islam. let that sink in. people have left the religion of Allah because someone decided to hate and judge them, rather than pray for their guidance and kindly advise them on the right path. what a thing to be held accountable for on the day of judgement! leading somebody astray! may Allah protect us all!

and now, i’m even seeing non-muslims hating on islam because they are seeing what muslims are saying to other muslims. instead of showing what the religion of Allah is like, what the community is like, we are turning people away and inviting people to be islamophobic. just because you thought you were guiding someone by being incredibly rude and disrespectful.

it’s also extremely arrogant. Allah has guided YOU and this is how you repay Him? YOU could have been that same person you are judging but instead Allah bestowed knowledge and guidance upon you, and you’re using that blessing to hate on other people. if you think someone can do better as a muslim, make a quick sincere du’a that Allah guides them on the right path and helps them stop doing that bad deed. and if you really want to speak to them, be. kind. you have no idea what people are going through in this life. maybe they are crying in the night because they really want to drop that bad deed and have zero hope, and your hate was the final straw to give up. have you not sinned in life? can you say right now to yourself, ‘if I die at this very second, I know that I am 100% going to jannatul firdous?’. if the answer is no, which it is, then understand that there are proper ways to advise people on the right path. we are not perfect human beings. we have all made mistakes in life. may Allah forgive us all. so understand that the next time you see someone who should be doing better in their deen and realise that the very fact that you can see a flaw in someone else means that you have been blessed with guidance and knowledge from the Gracious Allah. so use that blessing and guidance wisely and do not let it turn into a sin. do not end up sinning by hating on people and judging them so harshly by being rude on the internet or in real life and making people struggle even more with this bad deed or turn away completely as a result. this is not how our beloved Prophet ﷺ invited people to Islam, this is not how he advised people. he was the most kindest person and if we really want to be righteous, we need to follow the sunnah, follow in his footsteps. pray for the people you see that can be doing better so that your blessings increase and they can come closer to Allah and be guided. speak to them kindly. tell them respectfully why what they’re doing is wrong and kindly tell them what they can do to improve. relate your own experiences and struggles without exposing your own sins, explain things you do that help you. share useful resources to help them on their journey. start islamic pages on social media to share islamic guidance and advice. share verses from the Qur’an and kindly explain the interpretation and why Allah has made doing this good deed/abstaining from this bad deed obligatory and what benefits they have by following, what benefits they have on you. tell them that you understand that no one is perfect and that you merely mean to help them be a better muslim and see them in jannah. respectfully acknowledge that they could genuinely be struggling and make many many du’as and pray for them in your sujoods if you truly want them to be better. actually be a useful helping hand. and if you don’t want to do any of this, do not say anything at all and carry on with your day.

at the end of the day, Allah guides whomsoever He pleases to the right path (2:214). you can hate and judge all you want but at the end of the day, if Allah does not want to guide that person, they will not be guided—but where does that leave you? with more bad deeds because you weren’t kind to the creation and attempted to turn someone away from islam with your words, whether you intended to or not. we have rights upon each other. please. please be kind.

[littlehypnone]

Sorry to say so but even I got nlocked by moonie just for giving them advice. They clearly take anything as hate even if it is meant well.

I can only say as a trauma survivor you need to be made of steel if you start working or talking about trauma on social media in any form. If you are still emotionally sucked into the same feelings you will only gonna hurt yourself in the process.

Trauma is a process and a vulnerable time but don't expose your innerself to the outside world if you are not ready to deal with people who have never been hurt. There is so much stigma around trauma and dealing with PTSD some unsocialized fucks just live to press your buttons.

I really mean this genuine. They don't deserve hate but people won't stop. That's what internet culture has become.

okay first of all I don't want this blog to become a shelter for all the anons moony has blocked plus Im nobody's lawyer so, and this is to everyone, that's enough. also look at what I'm saying here through a filter because I'm tired and angry at something irl and in pain and I don't have energy to be polite anymore today

second of all, I don't know how your asks to moony were wonder but she is too nice for her own good and blocking people is her way of protecting herself and good for her. unsolicited "advice" is a lot of times no better than straight up hate. you seem to be under impression that moony is a dumb child who does not know how the world works. she's an adult, a very smart one let me add, and this is not the kind of "advice" she needs. if any

it can be hard, sharing stuff on the internet, and yes you should be aware of the effects it can have on ones mental health but it seems like the perfect solution for you would be to just stop. for many people, myself and moony included, writing and sharing it with a world is fun but also a coping mechanism of a kind. yes the world is messed up and internet sucks but we won't just stop doing everything to avoid that. and even though we realize all the hate has unfortunately became nearly a norm nowadays we can and will complain about it because it still sucks

no, moony does not deserve hate and unfortunately we are aware that it is not very likely to stop. but it's not moony that is to blame because she simply tries to enjoy herself and share her creations with the world. no, the only people to blame here are the haters. you, dear anon, have to understand that moony (or the general we) is only trying to have fun on here and is getting undeserved hate for that. she deals with that hate but it's still overwhelming and discouraging as hell and it should not be happening. that is all and while from this ask of your alone I can see that your intentions are, more or less, good, it's not that that counts

that is all from me and that's enough on the topic

[mixterglacia]

Dumb IHNMAIMS AU Ideas

As always, feel free to use. Tagging me is appreciated, but not necessary!

(this are intentionally silly)

Tumblr AU:

AM and Ted run Tumblr accounts and are CONSTANTLY fighting. AM is a morally repugnant person that always goes for the low blow while also acting like he's in the right. (Has thousands of comments on his kiwifarms thread) Ted appears to be in the right but had a huge callout post exposing him for being a fraud/terrible friend. (Has a small kiwifarms thread.) Ellen regularly steps in because ironically Ted is the one who doesn't know when to quit, and AM gets smug satisfaction out of being the bigger person.

Tiktok AU:

Ellen: Beloved pillar of the community, funny, deeply insightful takes on media, helps break down engineering problems to make them easier to understand. Ted: Booktok, regularly in fights with AM, tends to downplay his own contributions to his issues, gets people excited about reading, brand deal with some local bookstore. AM: Booktok (strong rivalry with Ted) , absolute menace, has very well nuanced takes that are ruined by his shit attitude, doesn't want to be idolized, has a dedicated group of haters that know how much he hates being babied/idolized and they keep a block speedrun record, gets banned constantly (often due to justifiable mass reporting. Once for smoking on live. Several for bullying others, but particularly Ted who he considers a hack.) Benny: doesn't make much content, simple photo slideshows, reposts his whole fyp. Gorrister: a shockingly successful page about whatever strikes his mind on trips, doesn't know much about Internet safety so he's been doxed a few times (Ted catches wind and helps him out), often makes small but sweet tributes to his wife. Nimdok: actively avoids Tiktok.

Furry Time! (Don't be shocked, I myself am a furry) 

AM: Something like an aeromorph or other anthropomorphic form of transportation (I'm not certain what train!sonas are generally called but i imagine he's a train). Ted: Irish Wolfhound. Ellen: Fossa. Benny: Belgian Malinois. Nimdok: Rook. Gorrister: American Alligator 

Theme Park AU:

AM is only depicted through silhouette and a voice on a loudspeaker. He owns the park and has for over 50 years. Ted is a recent hire, working as a janitor. Ellen works the ticket booth, but often helps Benny with repairs after hours. Benny is a handyman, keeping the rides in working order along with the other amenities. Gorrister runs one of the food stalls, often gossiping with Benny and Ellen during their breaks. Nimdok runs one of the carnival games, a ring toss.

Obligatory Coffee Shop AU:

AM is an unpleasant regular. Despite his attitude, Ted looks forward to his daily visits. Not because he likes AM, but because he finds their arguments entertaining. AM owns a dive bar down the street, visiting before opening his shop. Ted is a charming barista, regularly noted as a customer favorite. He can be a bit overbearing. Ellen owns the repair shop next door, Gorrister being one of her employees. Both of them prefer taking their coffee to go. Nimdok is a doctor at a local hospital. He visits at odd hours, often drifting off until his pager goes off and he has to hurry back.

[pronoun-fucker]

“I’m looking at a picture of my naked body, leaning against a hotel balcony in Thailand. My denim bikini has been replaced with exposed, pale pink nipples – and a smooth, hairless crotch. I zoom in on the image, attempting to gauge what, if anything, could reveal the truth behind it. There’s the slight pixilation around part of my waist, but that could be easily fixed with amateur Photoshopping. And that’s all.

Although the image isn’t exactly what I see staring back at me in the mirror in real life, it’s not a million miles away either. And hauntingly, it would take just two clicks of a button for someone to attach it to an email, post it on Twitter or mass distribute it to all of my contacts. Or upload it onto a porn site, leaving me spending the rest of my life fearful that every new person I meet has seen me naked. Except they wouldn’t have. Not really. Because this image, despite looking realistic, is a fake. And all it took to create was an easily discovered automated bot, a standard holiday snap and £5.

This image is a deepfake – and part of a rapidly growing market. Basically, AI technology (which is getting more accessible by the day) can take any image and morph it into something else. Remember the alternative ‘Queen’s Christmas message’ broadcast on Channel 4, that saw ‘Her Majesty’ perform a stunning TikTok dance? A deepfake. Those eerily realistic videos of ‘Tom Cruise’ that went viral last February? Deepfakes. That ‘gender swap’ app we all downloaded for a week during lockdown? You’ve guessed it: a low-fi form of deepfaking.

Yet, despite their prevalence, the term ‘deepfake’ (and its murky underworld) is still relatively unknown. Only 39% of Cosmopolitan readers said they knew the word ‘deepfake’ during our research (it’s derived from a combination of ‘deep learning’ – the type of AI programming used – and ‘fake’). Explained crudely, the tech behind deepfakes, Generative Adversarial Networks (GANs), is a two-part model: there’s a generator (which creates the content after studying similar images, audio, or videos) and the discriminator (which checks if the new content passes as legit). Think of it as a teenager forging a fake ID and trying to get it by a bouncer; if rejected, the harder the teen works on the forgery. GANs have been praised for making incredible developments in film, healthcare and technology (driverless cars rely on it) – but sadly, in reality it’s more likely to be used for bad than good.

Research conducted in 2018 by fraud detection company Sensity AI found that over 90% of all deepfakes online are non-consensual pornographic clips targeting women – and predicted that the number would double every six months. Fast forward four years and that prophecy has come true and then some. There are over 57 million hits for ‘deepfake porn’ on Google alone [at the time of writing]. Search interest has increased 31% in the past year and shows no signs of slowing. Does this mean we’ve lost control already? And, if so, what can be done to stop it?

WHO’S THE TARGET?

Five years ago, in late 2017, something insidious was brewing in the darker depths of popular chatrooms. Reddit users began violating celebrities on a mass scale, by using deepfake software to blend run-of-the-mill red-carpet images or social media posts into pornography. Users would share their methods for making the sexual material, they’d take requests (justifying abusing public figures as being ‘better than wanking off to their real leaked nudes’) and would signpost one another to new uploads. This novel stream of porn delighted that particular corner of the internet, as it marvelled at just how realistic the videos were (thanks to there being a plethora of media of their chosen celebrity available for the software to study).

That was until internet bosses, from Reddit to Twitter to Pornhub, came together and banned deepfakes in February 2018, vowing to quickly remove any that might sneak through the net and make it onto their sites – largely because (valid) concerns had been raised that politically motivated deepfake videos were also doing the rounds. Clips of politicians apparently urging violence, or ‘saying’ things that could harm their prospects, had been red flagged. Despite deepfake porn outnumbering videos of political figures by the millions, clamping down on that aspect of the tech was merely a happy by-product.

But it wasn’t enough; threads were renamed, creators migrated to different parts of the internet and influencers were increasingly targeted alongside A-listers. Quickly, the number of followers these women needed to be deemed ‘fair game’ dropped, too.

Fast forward to today, and a leading site specifically created to house deepfake celebrity porn sees over 13 million hits every month (that’s more than double the population of Scotland). It has performative rules displayed claiming to not allow requests for ‘normal’ people to be deepfaked, but the chatrooms are still full of guidance on how to DIY the tech yourself and people taking custom requests. Disturbingly, the most commonly deepfaked celebrities are ones who all found fame at a young age which begs another stomach-twisting question here: when talking about deepfakes, are we also talking about the creation of child pornography?

It was through chatrooms like this, that I discovered the £5 bot that created the scarily realistic nude of myself. You can send a photograph of anyone, ideally in a bikini or underwear, and it’ll ‘nudify’ it in minutes. The freebie version of the bot is not all that realistic. Nipples appear on arms, lines wobble. But the paid for version is often uncomfortably accurate. The bot has been so well trained to strip down the female body that when I sent across a photo of my boyfriend (with his consent), it superimposed an unnervingly realistic vulva.

But how easy is it to go a step further? And how blurred are the ethics when it comes to ‘celebrities vs normal people’ (both of which are a violation)? In a bid to find out, I went undercover online, posing as a man looking to “have a girl from work deepfaked into some porn”. In no time at all I meet BuggedBunny*, a custom deepfake porn creator who advertises his services on various chatroom threads – and who explicitly tells me he prefers making videos using ‘real’ women.

When I ask for proof of his skills, he sends me a photo of a woman in her mid-twenties. She has chocolate-brown hair, shy eyes and in the image, is clearly doing bridesmaid duties. BuggedBunny then tells me he edited this picture into two pornographic videos.

He emails me a link to the videos via Dropbox: in one The Bridesmaid is seemingly (albeit with glitches) being gang-banged, in another ‘she’ is performing oral sex. Although you can tell the videos are falsified, it’s startling to see what can be created from just one easily obtained image. When BuggedBunny requests I send images of the girl I want him to deepfake – I respond with clothed photos of myself and he immediately replies: “Damn, I’d facial her haha!” (ick) and asks for a one-off payment of $45. In exchange, he promises to make as many photos and videos as I like. He even asks what porn I’d prefer. When I reply, “Can we get her being done from behind?” he says, “I’ve got tonnes of videos we can use for that, I got you man.”

I think about The Bridesmaid, wondering if she has any idea that somebody wanted to see her edited into pornographic scenes. Is it better to be ignorant? Was it done to humiliate her, for blackmailing purposes, or for plain sexual gratification? And what about the adult performers in the original video, have they got any idea their work is being misappropriated in this way?

It appears these men (some of whom may just be teenagers: when I queried BuggedBunny about the app he wanted me to transfer money via, he said, “It’s legit! My dad uses it all the time”) – those creating and requesting deepfake porn – live in an online world where their actions have no real-world consequences. But they do. How can we get them to see that?

REAL-LIFE FAKE PORN

One quiet winter afternoon, while her son was at nursery, 36-year-old Helen Mort, a poet and writer from South Yorkshire, was surprised when the doorbell rang. It was the middle of a lockdown; she wasn’t expecting visitors or parcels. When Helen opened the door, there stood a male acquaintance – looking worried. “I thought someone had died,” she explains. But what came next was news she could never have anticipated. He asked to come in.

“I was on a porn website earlier and I saw… pictures of you on there,” the man said solemnly, as they sat down. “And it looks as though they’ve been online for years. Your name is listed, too.”

Initially, she was confused; the words ‘revenge porn’ (when naked pictures or videos are shared without consent) sprang to mind. But Helen had never taken a naked photo before, let alone sent one to another person who’d be callous enough to leak it. So, surely, there was no possible way it could be her?

“That was the day I learned what a ‘deepfake’ is,” Helen tells me. One of her misappropriated images had been taken while she was pregnant. In another, somebody had even added her tattoo to the body her face had been grafted onto.

Despite the images being fake, that didn’t lessen the profound impact their existence had on Helen’s life. “Your initial response is of shame and fear. I didn't want to leave the house. I remember walking down the street, not able to meet anyone’s eyes, convinced everyone had seen it. You feel very, very exposed. The anger hadn't kicked in yet.”

Nobody was ever caught. Helen was left to wrestle with the aftereffects alone. “I retreated into myself for months. I’m still on a higher dose of antidepressants than I was before it all happened.” After reporting what had happened to the police, who were initially supportive, Helen’s case was dropped. The anonymous person who created the deepfake porn had never messaged her directly, removing any possible grounds for harassment or intention to cause distress.

Eventually she found power in writing a poem detailing her experience and starting a petition calling for reformed laws around image-based abuse; it’s incredibly difficult to prosecute someone for deepfaking on a sexual assault basis (even though that’s what it is: a digital sexual assault). You’re more likely to see success with a claim for defamation or infringement of privacy, or image rights.

Unlike Helen, in one rare case 32-year-old Dina Mouhandes from Brighton was able to unearth the man who uploaded doctored images of her onto a porn site back in 2015. “Some were obviously fake, showing me with gigantic breasts and a stuck-on head, others could’ve been mistaken as real. Either way, it was humiliating,” she reflects. “And horrible, you wonder why someone would do something like that to you? Even if they’re not real photos, or realistic, it’s about making somebody feel uncomfortable. It’s invasive.”

Dina, like Helen, was alerted to what had happened by a friend who’d been watching porn. Initially, she says she laughed, as some images were so poorly edited. “But then I thought ‘What if somebody sees them and thinks I’ve agreed to having them made?’ My name was included on the site too.” Dina then looked at the profile of the person who’d uploaded them and realised an ex-colleague had been targeted too. “I figured out it was a guy we’d both worked with, I really didn’t want to believe it was him.”

In Dina’s case, the police took things seriously at first and visited the perpetrator in person, but later their communication dropped off – she has no idea if he was ever prosecuted, but is doubtful. The images were, at least, taken down. “Apparently he broke down and asked for help with his mental health,” Dina says. “I felt guilty about it, but knew I had to report what had happened. I still fear he could do it again and now that deepfake technology is so much more accessible, I worry it could happen to anyone.”

And that’s the crux of it. It could happen to any of us – and we likely wouldn’t even know about it, unless, like Dina and Helen, somebody stumbled across it and spoke out. Or, like 25-year-old Northern Irish politician Cara Hunter, who earlier this year was targeted in a similarly degrading sexual way. A pornographic video, in which an actor with similar hair, but whose face wasn’t shown, was distributed thousands of times – alongside real photos of Cara in a bikini – via WhatsApp. It all played out during the run-up to an election, so although Cara isn’t sure who started spreading the video and telling people it was her in it, it was presumably politically motivated.

“It’s tactics like this, and deepfake porn, that could scare the best and brightest women from coming into the field,” she says, adding that telling her dad what had happened was one of the worst moments of her life. “I was even stopped in the street by men and asked for oral sex and received comments like ‘naughty girl’ on Instagram – then you click the profiles of the people who’ve posted, and they’ve got families, kids. It’s objectification and trying to humiliate you out of your position by using sexuality as a weapon. A reputation can be ruined instantly.”

Cara adds that the worst thing is ‘everyone has a phone’ and yet laws dictate that while a person can’t harm you in public, they can legally ‘try to ruin your life online’. “A lie can get halfway around the world before the truth has even got its shoes on.”

Is it any wonder, then, that 83% of Cosmopolitan readers have said deepfake porn worries them, with 42% adding that they’re now rethinking what they post on social media? But this can’t be the solution - that, once again, women are finding themselves reworking their lives, in the hopes of stopping men from committing crimes.

Yet, we can’t just close our eyes and hope it all goes away either. The deepfake porn genie is well and truly out of the bottle (it’s also a symptom of a wider problem: Europol experts estimate that by 2026, 90% of all media we consume may be synthetically generated). Nearly one in every 20 Cosmopolitan readers said they, or someone they know, has been edited into a false sexual scenario. But what is the answer? It's hard for sites to monitor deepfakes – and even when images are promptly removed, there’s still every chance they’ve been screen grabbed and shared elsewhere.

When asked, Reddit told Cosmopolitan: "We have clear policies that prohibit sharing intimate or explicit media of a person created or posted without their permission. We will continue to remove content that violates our policies and take action against the users and communities that engage in this behaviour."

Speaking to leading deepfake expert, Henry Adjer, about how we can protect ourselves – and what needs to change – is eye-opening. “I’ve rarely seen male celebrities targeted and if they are, it’s usually by the gay community. I’d estimate tens of millions of women are deepfake porn victims at this stage.” He adds that sex, trust and technology are only set to become further intertwined, referencing the fact that virtual reality brothels now exist. “The best we can do is try to drive this type of behaviour into more obscure corners of the internet, to stop people – especially children and teenagers – from stumbling across it.”

Currently, UK law says that making deepfake porn isn’t an offence (although in Scotland distributing it may be seen as illegal, depending on intention), but companies are told to remove such material (if there’s an individual victim) when flagged, otherwise they may face a punishment from Ofcom. But the internet is a big place, and it’s virtually impossible to police. This year, the Online Safety Bill is being worked on by the Law Commission, who want deepfake porn recognised as a crime – but there’s a long way to go with a) getting that law legislated and b) ensuring it’s enforced.

Until then, we need a combination of investment and effort from tech companies to prevent and identify deepfakes, alongside those (hopefully future) tougher laws. But even that won’t wave a magic wand and fix everything. Despite spending hours online every day, as a society we still tend to think of ‘online’ and ‘offline’ as two separate worlds – but they aren’t. ‘Online’ our morals can run fast and loose, as crimes often go by unchecked, and while the ‘real world’ may have laws in place that, to some degree, do protect us, we still need a radical overhaul when it comes to how society views the female body.

Deepfake porn is a bitter nail in the coffin of equality and having control over your own image; even if you’ve never taken a nude in your life (which, by the way, you should be free to do without fear of it being leaked or hacked) you can still be targeted and have sexuality used against you. Isn’t it time we focus on truly Photoshopping out that narrative as a whole?”

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