#or even just dull my pain | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cartoonscientist · 5 months

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call me a hippie dippie bleeding heart socialist but I think if we’re willing to try assisted suicide to deal with mental illness without trying just giving people money so they don’t have to work first, I think that’s kind of evil. but that’s just me.

#cw ableism #cw eugenics #i approve of legal assisted suicide but like for people who are actually beyond help #i don’t believe that something as plastic as the human brain can be impervious to even the most drastic attempts at changing it #have psychedelic therapies been tried? ECT? literally anything but death?#i don’t know because no one linked any sources #i realize it may sounds heartless to suggest something like electroshock before euthanasia but like #when i was so mentally ill that i would gladly consider assisted suicide i would have consented to having my brain fucked up in any way #if it meant it might reboot back to something close to normal #or even just dull my pain #tw suicide #cw euthanasia

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berryblu-soda · 3 months

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Anyways update i just didnt bother to post earlier:

fr God is good and the whole car crash my parents got into last week was so incredibly mild in terms of injuries!!!! worst was a bruised knee im pretty sure

ALSO-

*taps mic* HUG YOUR FREAKING LOVED ONES OR SO HELP ME!!!!!!!

#ALSO DO NOT READ THE TAGS IF YOURE HERE FOR A GOOD TIME!!!!#ENDED UP VENTING AGHHHHH- (<- amongus ref in 2024???? l+ratio) (no but seriously stay safe; im not sure if i should add a cw???)#no but like the cars themselves?#FOLDED-#ive seen photos of worse ones of course lol (ty internet <3)#but we´re all in agreement that if it had hit anywhere else at that speed it wouldve been BAD Bad-#like; severe injury to the leg at least; drivers door wouldve crumpled; thankfully it hit the tire mostly #our car got what seems to be the lesser damage and theyre still debating if it counts as total loss xd #also oh goshhhh #so i usually go and say goodbye to my dad when hes headed to work; i did it that day as usual; car was already halfway out the driveway #my dog also loves to go and she was already in the car #but my mom (taking my dad to work) said she´d need to stop by the store after dropping dad off; so she handed her back to me #last minute descision-#my dog is a small kinda elderly chihuahua and wouldve been on my mom´s lap when they crashed #no seatbelt for her obviously #she wouldve gotten injured so freaking bad if she was there ):#overall feels like we dodged a life altering accident by a hair #i wasnt even in it and im still shook hahaha #i always go say bye to dad if hes leaving for work no matter if im pissed off or sad or whatever #half out of habit; half bc i know anything could happen at any moment and id rather not have been too proud to say goodbye #dammit im crying now hahaha #saying again; everyones fine!!!!! please remember to hug your loved ones !!!!!!#shut up sheo #but oh gosh too many reminders of death as a constant recently #that happened about a week after a cousin died; i hadnt seen him in forever but his family went to our church growing up; he was my age #it was a dull and distant pain even then to hear the news but it still hurt; i didnt go to the funeral #did go to the one a couple days later tho; for a family member i truly didnt know; it was a car crash i think #a special kind of heartbreak from meeting his mom and seeing his kids running around #now that i realize it; as im writing this; i hadnt stopped to process just about anything hahaha #freaking sobbing at 9 in the morning smh!!!!!

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snzluv3r · 9 months

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the amount of sinus pain and pressure and the horrible migraines it’s been triggering that i’ve experienced for the past week…god i am in so much pain i’ve had the same migraine for days now and it’s only getting more and more painful by the day. i really hope i get to feeling better soon because i’m so miserable and the longer it gets and the more it hurts the louder my ocd + health anxiety gets

when i can finally sneeze it’s almost like they’re half stifled because i’m just so stuffed up they can’t even come out all the way and inducing with something easy like chhinkni is out of the question because i can’t even sniffle half the time

#trying to be normal and remind myself that i am not going to die i just have a bad sinus infection #and chronic migraines #sorta self obs but not really #i’ve been taking unsafe amounts of exedrine migraine for the past several days but it’s the only thing that dulls it #and it only lasts a few hours #and even then the pressure and pain is still there #my face is sensitive to the touch because of how congested i am

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caffeinatedopossum · 7 months

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Being an adult and still having to get everything from someone else is so devastating to my self esteem

#i feel guilty for needing things #cant ever ask for more cause itd be unfair to her #cant ever ask for more even when i need it #just try to make my needs known in the most polite and non-urgent way possible #my gf is wondeful of course and i know she 100% does everything she can for me and more #but thats part of the problem #she shouldnt have to #she shouldnt be struggling to afford things for herself because she buys all my stuff #and i shouldnt be unable to afford my stuff either but im a worthless piece of shit who cant get a job #she EARNS everything she has and then gives a not insignificant portion of that to ME #why? i dont deserve it #i try my best but its not enough to feel worthy #dont take these things im saying about myself too harshly btw. ive kinda given up on feeling differently #and the pain of this all has dulled to constant ache that can usually be ignored #i havent cried over it in years #but i still feel bad

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tittyinfinity · 8 months

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every morning I think "let's skip my meds today so I can save them for an emergency" and after I'm awake for 5 minutes I feel like I got hit by a truck and everything hurts to bad that it is an emergency. all my pain is emergency level that's why i can't make a 2 week prescription last a month. it's why I'm fuckin prescribed them in the first place. this level of body pain is only normal for someone who ran a marathon while having the flu. and also someone is beating you up while you're running

#i can't even fully get rid of my pain because it's a lower dose #i have to OD on tylenol in order to get enough hyrocodone and for the first time i just said fuck it #and took more than i was supposed to anyway bc god damn i want a NO PAIN DAY not a dull-pain day for once #that's 1300 mg acetaminophen ehhh that is not safe at all okay actually yeah that was impulsive i shouldn't have done that #i wish my doctor would take me seriously about how scared i am of all this tylenol on my stomach #.bdo

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gu6chan · 3 months

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you have my blessing to draw sirene if you’d like

YAYYYYYYYY THANK YOU i JUST finished a drawing from last night so your timing is perfect lol

Question: she has a few different versions, is there one you'd like in particular....? 👀

#gu6chan's musings #jumping for joy and clicking my heels rn #drawing other ppls characters is SO much fun largely because it's such a change in perspective like #other ppl have different methods of making art (medium; brushes; colours; colouring techniques; etc) which impact GREATLY not just the #'style' of an artist but ALSO the design of the character themselves (i.e. a lot of my older characters or older VERSIONS of characters had #curlier hair and looked like they were out of a 70's manga bc i had a dull pencil and paper when i made them - i tried adapting one of those #older designs to digital and the amount of detail that was so easy just flicking a pencil around was psychically PAINFUL trying to pull off #digitally :') ill have to share the result tho....)#but anyways; all that said its SUCH a fun study looking not only into what makes a character for other ppl but kinda... unearthing that #inner thought process and almost having to try and compromise a bit in trying to adapt that character to your OWN style without it becoming #well.... a completely new guy lmao #EVEN SO!!! LEMME KNOW WHICH ONE TO DRAW AND I WILL DO IT 🫡 you are in good hands....

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oh-katsuki · 10 months

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its very strange losing a friend because there are moments of clarity and moments of overwhelming grief and moments of a very unplaceable pain and sorrow. it dredges up memories of friends you may have lost before or the people who left this world sooner rather than later. and you just sort of ache for them and for their pain… what they must have felt to want to leave so suddenly. even if you hadn’t spoken in a while, or if you spoke every day, or if you’d promised to speak but always forgotten. your heart just sort of longs for them. for the ability to do so.. and it just sort of comes up empty.

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jambos6 · 29 days

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Dentists should be required to give out opioids like candy

#cmon man you just took out one of my teeth #and not even a little one #and you don’t prescribe opioids?#are you for real?#the amount of otc painkillers it would take to dull this pain would probably kill me #so I guess I just get to suffer until this heals?#bacca speaks

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literally-12-people · 2 months

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If you can not forgive you are destined to never heal.

Like, sorry, you can not be mad at someone for making a mistake and then be angry about it for 3 years and be like "why am i not over this".

#friend of a friend died two years ago driving under the influence of some injection. ran a red in the dark and wraped her car around a pole #friend came to me last night while i was mid break down and explained his breakdown.#he apparently introduced her to the drug and she got more on her own #got addicted and was sent to rehab. my friend self admitted to keep her alive.#they worked together on steps to get off hard drugs.#one of the rules is that you can never ever drive if you happen to be on them. not even like one puff of weed or half a Mike's hard.#she got more of the drug when she got home after about a month. some jackass who lived across the street.#needle was dirty and it felt itchy. told my friend about it. he said that she should go to the hospital.#so she got in her car and drove it. without her lights on #friend said she broke a rule and did it on purpose (she didn't. she was just high and panicked.)#said he'd never forgive her for taking his best friend away in such a betrayal. led my friend back to drugs.#said that every year her memory still forces him into agony and he feels he needs something stronger to dull the pain of his heartbreak.#i told him to take double his usual dose of melatonin and a drink of whiskey. came back to me this morning and said that i was right.#he still said he'd never forgive her though. told him about something else I'm going through and asked ''is that what you want?#agony every time someone mentioned her name or at the very least once a year?''#he's saying he's pondering on that.#meanwhile work's going on and I'm under 200 mgs of caffeine already and 3 hours of sleep while having 10 more hours to go.#happy thursday

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g0thsoojin · 2 months

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🌑

#daytime is easier bc then im like #ok... i will try i will not think abt it #i will keep living my life even if it hurts #i will finish school and go to university and get an apartment and live alone #i'll talk to my mom and fix things with my sisters #i'll try apps and groups and interests to make friends..#even if its only friends i dont connect with but just hang out with #i will try dating even if thats so scary and bleak #bc maybe im a person better suited for the mundane and lackluster #maybe since i have avpd intense and passionate love will ruin me #maybe its betterr if i meet a person i like and is nice to hang out with #and think is attractive and being intimate with them is nice and ok #and then i can be in a relationship with them even if im not deeply profoundly in love with them #bc if youre a person who cannot be ok with being alone #then being alone rather than surrounded with ok ppl is NOT better #i need ppl around me even if im not gonna connect to them on a deeper level #and maybe i can acheive that #maybe nobody will ever be him or make my heart burn as much as he will #bit maybe i will keep going and be ok anyway #i dont need to be great i just wanna be ok #and we're all differentbc ofc i feel dumb af for caring this much #'love' is ruining my life and i feel insane for it #but this is what im dealing with i cannot make my heart feel less or nothing i feel what i feel #i want him but if i cant have him i will go on i have to #even if everything will always feel dull and bleak and slow and boring without him i have to keep going #i just hope i really hope it starts hurting less bc im in sm pain

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anaalnathrakhs · 7 months

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uh oh i feel like i have a deeply maladaptative response to people knowing Literally Anything about me it's fine it's fine i'm handling it very well

#constantly daydreaming about throwing my phone in the river n leaving a nice note for my parents and fucking LEAVING #but like #if i just stop talking to my friends #then what's the point #do i make new friends? will i do the same shit to my new friends?#it feels like kind of a dick move to do that to people i like #and i DO like them #i like hanging out w them and just. i don't know. i feel like this freedom i dream of is something i could have in this life yknow.#i feel if i had balls i could just start living the life i want #it's not even like my parents are dicks or something they trust me and they've very understanding and loving #they wouldn't judge me for how i dress or be mad if i stay out late as long as i warn them #but i dont know. i dont know why i'm a massive fucking weirdo about it okay.#but i've caused them so much trouble already. i feel like i'm betraying them if i grow up.#i feel like i'm causing them too much worry no matter if i stray away from the nest or stay.#and i feel like a fucking monster for not loving them enough but i can't stand being near them anymore #it's too painful #i've never managed to completely hate them even when i was deep in depression and they handled it poorly #i'd get into a screaming match with my dad and an hour later we'd sing songs together in the car #but it's been so dull lately. it feels like im in a video game. picking prewritten dialogue and being fed prewritten answers.#and WHY does this happen. why can't i just have a normal relationship with people #why do i turn into an alien on his first day on earth whenever i start caring abt someone #why are we so fucking abnormal as a family that we never goddamn hang out #why am i such an empty husk of a person that i cannot for the life of me figure out something we could do together #i keep believing in this fantasm of one day changing everything in one fell swoop instead of growing up like a normal guy #because i know i'm a coward. i'm scared of other people seeing me fail.#i dont want to hurt my parents ever again and i dont want to settle for halfway freedom #so i repress hardcore things i want so that nobody not even me can decipher what it is #smth smth the enormity of my desire disgusts me #and of course it fails because im weakshit and cannot restrict anything ever #and i hurt them anyway

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datastate · 1 year

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shin would apologize for his bed being a mess even if it’s overall fine, meanwhile keiji’s out here like “hey, let’s uh. keep this in the hallway alright? maybe find a nice, grassy spot to talk this out...” and then when he moves out of the doorway to close his apartment door you’re briefly face-to-face with the fact that he. needs severe help.

#he doesn't hoard things but what he does have just... isn't organized #he isn't the sort who deals with nasty food or what have you scattered around the place; it's more of a... why do you have a lightbulb on #the floor sir. -> ''oh. that. huh. must've been a ghost.'' (voice of someone who was having terrible hallucinations)#(in the midst of trying to replace a dull bulb and just gave up even though he knows he might get glass in his foot)#and then of course just. a corner for his pile of bedsheets & towels... papers strewn about his main living area. his dishwasher is always #full of shit and he never has the energy to put the clean dishes anywhere but the spare counterspace #which means he has to prepare his food on the main coffee table #and so you see like. spice and flour or emptied cans there #it's just... idk. i think a lot abt the characters' living spaces and his makes me especially sad #esp knowing his mother's probably in a. similar position w the lack of motivation to do upkeep w/o (young) keiji's health at stake #& the whole... setting an example thing (where even then she feels she failed) - certainly not as bad as him. but...#they're definitely predisposed to. depression lol. it's simply the poor man's life #jestersvaguely #yttdposting #god. what am i doing talking abt keiji fucking shinogi. rubs my face. i don't care much for this guy & i just meant to get up to draw #+ get pain medicine & then go back to bed...

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raksh-writes · 1 year

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Gosh, Im turning 25 today not 65 so why does it feel like my body feel is gonna fall apart at any moment? 😩

#personal #vent #Im in So much pain today #got my period for my birthday of course #so there's cramps one hand #but the worse is the way my knees aching #it's like that bone-deep dull ache thats spread out into the calf and thighs kind #and its so intense at its worst it makes me want to sob and chew my own limbs off with my teets #god it sound dramatic but yestersay evening I did cry quite a lot from the pain #Ive had the joint pains for a long time but it was usualy one at a time and with weather changes #but like 1-2 years ago my knees synced up with periods and wheneve that happens it's--#hellish #painkillers barely work and it builds up throughtout the day so it's prob not gonna be a nice evening today #distracting myself from it only works so far too #the moment the distraction ends Im crying 😣#it goes from these 'can sort of manage' ache to 'full on out sob' in cicles that I can’t even feel coming #and I still have some time before I can take another dose of the strong meds that sort of helped today #(like 4 hours after I took them and only for a couple hours too)#I know I just gotta get through this but it Sucks #and I gotta do my taxes tomorrow at the latest fucking heeeeell I can’t focus for shit #hopefully it lessens enough I can do the needed adulting and then hide away until I feel human again 😣#I might also be severaly overstimulated from work I think #ughhhh anyway I just needed to vent some #in hopes it maybe helps a little #might delete this post later #hope y'all are having a much better day!

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unheavenlybody · 1 year

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being broke is soul sucking nothing is appealing rn other than curling up into a ball in bed im over it ugghghgh i feel so aimless

#just consumed by stress <3 and graduation in less than 3 weeks is not helping <3 #literally what am i doing with my life girl!!! nothing!!!#cant even dull the pain with little treats whats the point of anything. booo

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katyspersonal · 2 years

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(Sad)

I am such a goddamn helpless baby, lol

I just woke up, and within my interesting dreams, there was me using internet and seeing that one mutual again. They were the first person to interact with me in this fandom almost two years ago and they were crucial part of my Tumblr and fandom experience, really. Always thinking deep and giving hella interesting ask replies and writing fanfics, they were like... smart? Worth talking to. I just loved seeing their takes a lot? They liked my lore too and they offered solid ideas of their own, which was refreshing.

But like, they disappeared one day, just deactivated both Tumblr and AO3 apparently? And it felt a little less right on Tumblr without them, but after having a dream that they were back I just wake up and cry? Jeez

Guess you never know who/what happens to be really important for good internet experience???? Like just following a blog that vibes right can end up being such a comfort thing for my sorry autistic ass. It is hard to explain that I cherish people who have something to say, who are worth talking to! But it is always the best one who either deactivate or just never post again one day? Though it is only natural that sane people run from what internet and fandoms became

#personal #/vent #sometimes it just doesn't occur to me how much i am starving for 'people who have something to say'#ive found new cool mutuals since then sure #but wow. my dashboard really IS not the same without that user #internet is treacherous #just recently i kept experiencing dull pain because a youtuber i loved just up and deleted his videos #and they were never archieved anywhere #internet just keeps losing cool people with depth and complexity!!!!! it just keeps happening!!!!#you only realize it if you love to THINK but you just...#keep running into empty people who just parrot same and same 'woke' things without any thought added #who have nothing to say about fictional characters except for what are their divercity points #or wholesome headcanons or just regular stuff (if character is good)#or just bash the characters without any nuances (if they are bad)#like... wow i am surrounded by people who have nothing interesting to say or think #nothing novel nothing personal to add and call just their unique take #art styles copy each other words and thoughts copy each other and it feels like everyone is on auto pilot #i cherish mutuals and online friends who have their own thoughts rather than transmitting something 'common'#like even if you say dumb shit at least as long as it is YOURS and not something the 'cool kids' pushed in your empty skull?#you are worth talking to! you are a person!#sometimes people speak and think and feel so similarly that i cannot tell them apart!#i do not mean like liking a popular thing or being statistically common ofc. i mean unique kind of empty.#and it is dreams like this that make me scared cool users will just keep leaving the internets #like do you ever feel like everyone but few thinks on autopilot? you just know not a single thought is their own #here i go ranting about what nobody will get until they experience it themselves

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non-un-topo · 2 years

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God if I had the energy and brainpower I’d be drawing Quynh + Nicky being chaotic and dumb together

#i see those reblogs in my notes lol. i miss them too #long story short: family emergency happened yesterday and i'm waiting to hear from my parents + sister #who have been driving for 8 hours now. which is not making me freak out less #and the very air around me just sort of.... changes from bursts of energy to dull hopeless nothingness #using all my spare energy to get my assignments done. frankly I'M mad at myself for doing it. i can't let myself rest or feel anything #kind of feel like the universe has just been giving me blow after blow. didn't get the job/award. didn't get a scholarship. pain has gotten #-- to the worst it's ever been. pile-up of assignments i can't even begin... and now this.#at least my library book is good #anyway yeah i'm fucking peachy. much love #maybe i should work on some of my stupid fanfiction. put this feeling somewhere

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