#or if something was really enjoyable i'd construct a way to do it again. like not being able to control everything

[magentagalaxies]

the saga of my newly fucked up sleep schedule is apparently not over!! even tho i did get a normal 8 hours last night i was in a show today and when that wrapped and i got back to my dorm at like 4:30-ish i decided to take a quick nap which turned into me waking up at almost NINE PM

on the plus side i'm fairly sure i lucid dreamed a couple of times during the nap so that's a plus

[incoherent-rambling-monologues]

new visual for 劇場版 魔法少女まどか☆マギカ〈ワルプルギスの廻天〉(Puella Magi Madoka☆Magica the Movie - Walpurgisnacht: Rising -)

 This promotional looks really interesting. And that's for multiple reasons. The first one being the power dynamic and its nice use of composition and structure. Usually, with shows that feature humans vs. a system or humans vs. the concept of a system, the human is overpowered and dominated by the figure of the concept—barely even an ant in its face. But in this image, Homura, a presumed doppelganger of hers, and a strange abstract phone-looking thing have much more presence and power over the concept Madoka, who, for the entire series, was the focal point of Homura's universe.

 The most prominent figures in this photo are the two Homuras in a face-off and the abstract phone syringe-looking thing. And only after looking at those two things do our eyes get led to the teensy-tiny Madoka at the vanishing point, and we're led there by the yellow beaming flares at the center as well as the streetlights at the two Homuras' legs. In short, Madoka feels almost like a background character with how small she feels in comparison to the other elements present.

 This can be read as Homura finally confronting herself and addressing the issues with her actions regarding her obsession over Madoka. That's only a hypothetical, though, since I've yet to take into account all of the other elements in this promotional. But then again, they are the elements with the most prominence, so my reading could very well be valid.

 Now, to address the usage of architecture and symbolism,

 But as much as I'd like to address the symbolism, I can't even begin to attach a conclusive meaning and explain whatever this phone syringe serpent thing is supposed to symbolize. I can present multiple of my own personal interpretations, but without extra context, I would be throwing ideas into thin air. I could probably explain the disparate parts present in the symbol, but that would take way too long. So I'll just leave that for sometime else and start talking about the architecture.

 The use of architecture in MadoMagi has always amazed me with how they're always capable of adding something to the scene they're featured in; whether that be pure and simple eye candy to benefit the atmosphere and tone of the scene, or if they were thematically relevant, the builds never fail to improve my overall enjoyment of the scenes they are present in. These builds can be much more grounded in reality or something that leans more towards the fantastical and surreal. In the case of this promotional, it's both.

 The buildings that surround, crush, and loom over our characters, Madoka especially, whatever they're supposed to be, doesn't matter all that much. Apartments, offices, studios—it doesn't matter. All that does matter is that people occupy these buildings. Red lights in the windows and even in the construction going on in the background. Not only do they complement the yellows and oranges present in the photo, but they also signal an error in the system and maybe even symbolize animosity.

 The red lights in the windows of the people-occupied buildings may signify the animosity and hate that's directed towards Homura for dragging Madoka out of her godlike state. It may also mean the same thing as the lights at the construction site: a signal of an error, an indication that the build is incomplete—that it's missing a piece—that piece being Madoka. The red lights in the surrounding buildings, in this case, might be referring to everyone who is in limbo, calling Madoka to their sides.

 The construction site plays a similar role. Since it's close to the center, it acts as a beacon to warn of its incompletion. It draws Madoka to the center like a bug to a light, begging her to complete herself and the world at the same time. But obstructing her path is what appears to be a coffin under a tower, with a spiral staircase and a birdcage at its top. But whether this is supposed to be where she's actually supposed to be, I'm not sure.

I'm also not sure whether what is at the bottom of the tower is actually a coffin, but if it were, then it'd be really fitting. She would be working tirelessly at her task for the rest of her life as a messiah figure, as a concept without an actual life to her name—dead, boxed inside a coffin. Then there's the tower. Towers are normally designated for people with power in a story, an antagonistic force, or a concept to stand against, but in this instance, the tower is overshadowed by everything else present in the picture, and with the birdcage at the top, it's clear that this is supposed to be something akin to a display rack for Madoka.

 All of this, plus the dutch angle, makes this promotional feel literally and figuratively unbalanced. That this world isn't in its ideal state and could lose its balance and topple over at any second. The power dynamics and the composition of the image are lopsided, and I think this disharmony perfectly describes the state of MadoMagi's story.

[thatstudyblrontea]

Hi! Just had a random thing pop into my brain and you were the first person I thought of who might be able to help me answer :)

I read a fair amount of books but lately I’ve come to the realisation that (mainly due to health reasons) that I don’t remember much about the book that I’ve been reading, doesn’t matter if I last finished a chapter five minutes ago I couldn’t tell you what I had read. I find that this reflects in how I leave ratings on Goodreads because unless I didn’t finish it or truly hated it I give everything four or five stars because I don’t remember much from it.

That was mostly just rambling 😅 what I’m here to ask is if you have any advice on things that I could track/make note of whilst I’m reading? So that that way I’m more connected with what I’m reading and not just going through the motions and forgetting everything about the book.

I think this makes sense?

Thank you in advance for any help :)

Hi!! I'm so glad you thought of me, I'll do my best to help you 🌼

I think taking notes while you read is a process you have to get used to – but this also means you'll get better with time, learning more about what you like in a book and what helps fetch back a particular memory. I'd suggest to reserve a notebook just for your book tracking, so that it's easier to revise, be it physical or digital. Start with the objective basics:

characters' names and particular traits: the protagonist's best friend briefly mentions that he had a complicated relationship with his mother when he was younger? Write that down: if the book is well written, it'll help you catch ulterior references as the story goes on, or explain some of his actions; if it isn't, it will make it easier to notice discrepancies in character arcs;

relationships: is that character a friend, or just an acquaintance of the protagonist? How does the relationship progress, do you notice subtle changes in the way they speak to each other? What could that mean to how the relationship will progress in the future? Writing down your hypothesis could help you remember these things even without having to look them up again. Try creating a timeline, if it suits you;

places, time, events, plot twists: this is self explanatory, but I'll try to expand on it. I personally often have a hard time remembering what time of the day the action is taking place at, which can change things a lot; writing that down could help you pick the story back up from where you left it, without having to go back, because sometimes you think mc is extremely clumsy, when the poor folk is running in 3am pitch black darkness, and you can't really blame them for tripping a few times. Maybe this is just me, but I hope you got the concept – if there's something you find important that you probably won't remember, like a vague mention of some background character dining that indicates it's almost nighttime, write it down.

Now, since you've also mentioned reviewing your books, I think it would help to write down your impressions and emotions as you go:

pace, flow, and language: has Chapter 3 finally picked up the pace? Was that long descriptive paragraph enjoyable, or unnecessary? Are the sentences too complex or long? Or are they so short you're having a hard time getting into the story?

empathy: is the protagonist likeable, can you sympathize with them? If not, is it because they're the kind of person you wouldn't hang out with, or because their actions and emotions aren't natural and human (if they're human) enough? Are their choices consistent? If not, do you think they're well-constructed flaws, or plot holes?

Wasn't sure about what you needed to hear, so I kind of threw a lot into the mix. I hope it was clear and exhaustive enough, let me know if it helped! ✨

[voxmortuus]

Tonight, I Make You Mine

PAIRING: Creature!Ateez Park Seonghwa x F!Reader

UNIVERSE: Fantasy AU

WORDS: 3.4k

SUMMARY/PROMPT: It marks one year of a relationship with Seonghwa and he has a plan, a romantic plan, he wants to make you his in more than one way, he wants to show you what he is, he wants you to want him for all he was and he couldn't hide what he is to you anymore, and the way he shows you what he is, is a moment you will never forget in your life. In the end, you vow to spend the rest of your life with him.

NOTE: This is my first time writing anything like this. Please be kind to me, and I will absolutely take constructive criticism. I'm sorry if this is horrible! Also, there are links to some things such as outfits and the scent of the women's cologne and one other special surprise at the end.

TW: Tentai content including bondage | tentacle sucking | tentacle breast play | tentacle clit play | tentacle anal play | tentacle suction play | penetration with tentacles | Body fluids | Unprotected penetration | Internal Ejaculation | Short Male Receiving Oral | Oral Ejaculation | Male Masturbation | Mild Language | PLEASE TELL ME IF I FORGOT ANYTHING!!! I want to make sure readers are fully aware of what they are getting themselves into when they read this...

IMAGE CREDIT: Google I DO NOT CLAIM OWNERSHIP OF THESE IMAGES. If these are yours or you know who the creator(s) is please INBOX me and let me know. Thank you.

My Masterlist | Taglist

REQUESTS: OPEN

You never thought it would happen, falling for Seonghwa like this, but honestly, it was easy. He cherished every moment with you, he loved you to the moon and back, and at times you questioned if he just settled. You never wanted to keep him from what would make him happy. He did well for himself. He knew what he wanted in his life, and here you were questioning Seonghwa. With a loaded breath, you sat there looking at your phone when you see the date. Today was the day, a special day he told you to get ready for. Licking your lips, you push yourself off the couch and walk to your room.

You opt for a cute dark blue daisy printed summer dress, and you put your hair up with loose curls. You decide to go with soft makeup and his favorite, Jo Malone, Wood Sage & Sea Salt Cologne/Perfume. A coastal aroma that will transport the wearer to the shore, with sea salt that's infused with wood sage and a bit of citrus to create a unique fragrance that you can’t quite put your finger on at times. The opening is oceanic with sea salt but is given a typical aquatic partner with the grapefruit. It is so fresh and abyssal but dries down with a bit of sweetness and light woody undertones. Let's not forget the sage, which is a part of the opening but comes into its own later. He loved that scent on you, one of his favorites, and you make sure you keep stocked on it. It was one of the many things that attracted him to you.

Looking at your phone, you let out a small breath, and you begin pacing your shoes echoed in your home against your wood floors. You were anticipating him being here, and you were nervous. Today marked one year you had been with him, and tonight was a special night. Tonight was a night that you had been waiting for. A night he had been preparing you for, for what felt like a long time. He had it all planned, and you were anxious. It was almost like you were on edge. You had no clue how to respond to most things, and this was something you didn't expect at all. You were used to life throwing you curve balls, and today was going to be no different.

You look at the time and make your way outside; you just couldn't wait any longer. You had been pacing your living room for hours. When you got out there, you got there just in time to see Seonghwa pull up, so it was good timing. Making your way down the steps, you stand there as he gets out of the car. Looking over him, you bite your lip, your hand fidgets with your dress, he wore a black suit, and he looked so handsome, so perfect. You smile as he greets you with a kiss on your cheek. Smiling sweetly, again, you kiss him back and watch as he extends his hand to open the car door.

"Thank you Seonghwa." He smirks, nodding his head, and makes his way around to get in on his side.

Your nerves are getting the better of you. Seonghwa reaches over and places his hand on your thigh; looking over, you smile at him. You couldn't take the quiet anymore. You bite your lip and look over his profile and smile, god he was handsome, and there was just something about him you can't quite put your finger on.

"Seonghwa, where are we going?" You inquire.

"It's a surprise, Love." He smirks, and you bite your lip.

"But I don't do well with surprises." You give him a hopeful look that maybe he'll tell you.

He only chuckles, shaking his head, "No love, I'm sorry."

You give a tiny pout and fidget with your skirt while his hand grips your thigh a little tighter, almost telling you to not fidget. Your hands stop fidgeting, and he lets out a small chuckle; you look over at him and tilt your head and watch him a moment. He gives a side smirk and takes a turn. You weren't paying attention to really anything around you, so when he pulled into the parking lot, you looked around, and it was empty. Looking at the building, you smiled and got excited!

"The aquarium!? I've been wanting to go for so long! I'm so excited!"

"Well, I've been paying attention, and I just felt like this was the right place, that and I've got it so it's all ours for the night."

"Seonghwa! This is so... this is... perfect." You lean over and plant a kiss on his lips.

With a chuckle, he leaned into the kiss, and you both got out of the car. Locking it behind him, he places his keys in his pocket and takes your hand. Your heart sputters a bit like it always does. Walking beside him, it was like he towered over you. Walking to the entrance, he smiled and grabbed his keys from his pocket- he held the key in his hand a moment before finding the key to the door and unlocking it. You look at him in awe; you two really were the only ones here.

Walking in, he locks the door behind him after letting you in. Looking at you, he smirks. "Where do we go first?"

"Oh, Seonghwa, I have no idea. I want to see everything."

"Ok," He chuckles, "How about you follow me." He takes your hand and leads you down one of the dark hallways.

Looking around, you enter a tunnel of water, looking above at the blue above, you smile. It was so pretty, so calming. Your hand touches the glass as you step to it, seeing a school of fish in the distance and a shark above. Your heart pounds. You look at him and grin wide. You were like a child in a candy store, and you couldn't wait to see more.

As you two walk deeper into the building, you're in awe by what you see, the colors, the vibrance of it all. Seonghwa chuckles, letting go of your hand, watching you. He slips his hands into his pants pockets and tilts his head, watching you. His heart flutters watching you, the enjoyment he got from this was something he thought he would never find. Seonghwa was always the kind to seclude himself, isolate, and turn a blind eye to the things around him, and here you were, opening his eyes to everything around him. Because of you, he has come out of his shell, and if it wasn't for you, he would never want to explore. Because of you, he explores more. But tonight was special.

Getting to the middle of the building, he looks around and smiles at you. You turn around and notice a blanket in the middle under the dome of water. He smiles and looks at you.

"Y/N, there is something I want to ask you, something I want, and need. Something I want to show you."

You nod your head looking over his face. A little nervous you let out a soft breath.

"I've found who I am with you, I've found myself with you, Y/N. If it wasn't for you, I'd likely be in my house dwelling the day. I want to spend my life with you, Y/N. I want to love you and be with you every day. If you'd have me of course." He looks over your face.

Tilting your head, you step to him and place your hand on his chest and look over his face and give a smile and you look deep into his eyes. "Of course I will, Seonghwa."

"You may second guess, I'm not like other people, Y/N." He tells you.

"So? You understand me and I understand you."

"I don't think you understand. I'm different."

"Show me." You tell him looking deep into his eyes.

He looks you deep in the eyes and licks his lip. He wraps his left arm around you tightly. He lets out a soft breath and you feel this warm, wet, sticky thing wrap around your leg, you go to look down, but with his right hand, he takes your chin and keeps your eyes on him. The way it moves around your leg, feeling it inch, crawl, the suction you look over his face, and your eyes grow wide as it wraps around your thigh, inching its way up, stopping just before it gets to your sex. You let out a soft breath, feeling one on the other leg, but he keeps his hand on your chin, and you look deep into his eyes.

"I told you, I'm not like others..."

"What are you? What is this, that? What is on me?"

"Do you trust me, Y/N?"

"Yes, more than anything Seonghwa, but tell me what is this?"

"This is me... this is what I am. Do you want more?"

Without even questioning, you nod your head and look over his face. "I love you, nothing can change that Seonghwa." you whisper.

He looks over your face and kisses you deeply as the tentacles wrap around your leg tighter and slide up your leg a little further, one begins to play with your clit while the other runs itself along your lower lips. Biting your lower lip you let out a shaky breath and rest your head against his chin. "Tonight, I make you mine." He whispered tilting your head up and kisses you deeply. You return the kiss, deepening it, gripping at his coat lapels, and moan against his lips as the suction of one of the tentacle cups your clit and works at it almost as if it is sucking on your clit, the other tentacle gets excited about your wetness and starts to toy with the entrance of your sex.

You feel another tentacle making its way between your legs. Your lips against his your hands gripping his jacket, his arm wrapped around your waist and another around your throat holding you close you now have 4 tentacles between your legs, one toying with your clit, two massaging either side of your sex, and one playing with the wet entrance. Your hips move slightly. "Please... make me yours." you whisper against his lips.

A tentacle comes up slithering up your spine up the back of your dress and he looks over your face, and strips you of your dress, laying it on the floor next to you, the blanket beneath you both, surrounded by pillows, he looks over you, licking his lips he steps back a bit, watching as the tentacle wraps around you a couple times with another to make you sturdy, one slithers up your spine to the base of your neck, you look at him, watching them protrude from him, such beauty in such an odd way, the color, the pink, the purple, the blues and yellows, something so amazing. You watch him and look over his face. You hold out your hand, while one is wrapped around you under your breasts reaches over and slowly wraps around your arms, inching to your palm and places itself in your palm. You let out a small chuckle and look back at him, nodding your head.

The two tentacles that are wrapped around you lean you back, the two that are wrapped around your legs lift you off the ground. Your breathing picks up but you being to relax. You have 2 more tentacles reaching out to wrap around your arms while the others that are wrapped around you cup your breasts and begin to flick at your nipples, wrapping around them until they are hard and begin to play with them, while the tentacle playing with your wetness enters into you. You let out a gasp as it begins to inch into you further, you feel the way it squirms inside you, feeling the suction cups rub against you causing you to shiver and moan softly. Whimpering as the tentacle against your clit becomes more rigorous in its motions.

The two massaging the sides of your sex decide to join the one inside and they twirl together and plunge into you, moving in and out stretching you and massaging against your walls, the suction cups adding extra texture. You let out a soft moan, as he watches you, his cock hardens a little more, feeling the excitement. The hardness of himself restricts in his pants. He lets out a soft groan feeling what the tentacles are feeling which only excites him even more.

As the tentacles work your sex, penetrating as far as they felt they could go, stopping at your cervix you let out a heavy moan and ball your hands into fists. The tentacles work their ways, squirming inside you in and out the suctions gripping at your wetness as you moan louder they move faster.

"Oh Seonghwa, faster, please." You beg.

As you beg your breathing grows faster and he grows harder, he removes himself from his pants, grips his cock in his hand and begins to stroke himself. He lets out a soft moan licking his lower lip taking it into his mouth biting at it a bit. You watch him and you moan louder.

"Fuck." you whimper. The tentacles work faster pumping into you harder and faster. Your breasts being squeezed by the others and the others that are wrapped around you wraps a little harder while they spread your limbs a little further. Seonghwa steps closer to you and the tentacles lay you on the blanket and rest your head on the pillows, the tentacles work your body, playing with your senses as one wraps around your neck, he kneels in front of you and two tentacles remove themselves from your sex they wrap around your legs and the one that was left inside you removes itself and starts playing with your back hole.

Biting your lip you look over him as he strokes his cock faster, hovering in front of you as he kneels, your hips rise, almost encouraging him to enter you, he tilts his head and smiles, kneeling down he looks over you and he shoves his cock deep inside you, your hips buckle your back arches and at the same time, he plunges into you the tentacle playing at your back hole shoves itself into you at the same time, penetrating you to a whole other level. You let out a loud moan of pleasure.

With a loud moan of desire escaping his lips, his lips smash against yours while the tentacles play with your breasts, the others pulsate around your limbs, the other pumping in and out of your arse, and him pumping in and out of your sex you are in a state of euphoria, you're unable to collect your thoughts, your breathing picks up and you're close to a climax but you want all of the pleasure he can offer you.

"Good god, you feel so good, Seonghwa, your cock feels perfect, you're perfect. I'm all yours. My fuck I'm all yours!" You scream.

"All. Mine." He grunts as he feels himself close to a climax. Holding you tightly with his tentacles, he has one come up and wrap around your neck, gripping you as it pulsates and squirms almost massaging your throat as both he and his tentacle pump faster into you.

Moaning, you look over his face. "Harder... Please." you beg.

As he is happy to oblige to your request, he drives his cock and tentacle harder and deeper into you. Letting out a heavy moan you arch your back into him. Dripping with your own juices he feels them gush around his cock as he slams into you, feeling how wet you are the way you massage his cock with your walls he closes his eyes and takes a nipple into his mouth as his tentacle grips your throat tighter as they pump harder into you, your breathing and moans pick up faster, judging the volume and the speed and frequency of your moans he, himself grows closer to a climax.

"I want to feel you cum... so do they." He growls against your breast. Without questioning two tentacles enter you along with his thick hard cock. You let out a loud moan feeling yourself being stretched and you grip at the blanket. The tentacles wrapped around your arms hold your arms above your head and you let out a pleasurable scream. Without a second guess, another tentacle enters your back hole along with the other and you scream again. Your body shakes and quivers in pure pleasure. "Cum for us, Y/N!" He demands.

Without even a shadow of a doubt, your body releases all of what it could, shaking. Feeling you soak him and the tentacles, he lets out a heavy groan, gripping at your hips tightly, surely leaving bruises as he releases himself inside, you, pumping further. He didn't stop, nor did the tentacles. As they worked with him, the one around your throat started to massage a bit and he kept pumping, harder, faster, wanting another. "Again." He demands. Hovering over your lips, wanting to feel your breath, your body shook and gave another climax. He pulled himself from you and reached down watching the tentacles fuck you he stroked his soaking wet dripping cock.

The faster they moved the more they squirmed inside you the more you orgasmed, the harder he stroked. When your body started to shake you were unable to think straight, he hovered over you and the tentacle that was around your throat pulled your head up and you opened your mouth and he places his cock in your mouth as you begin to take him into your mouth. He grips your hair at the top of your head and fucks your mouth. Within a few moments he explodes in your mouth, like the good girl you are, you swallow every drop of him.

Slowly the tentacles pull from you, receding back to him, hiding, you look over his face as he kneels over you putting himself away, looking down at you. You bite your lip and you move in a way to stand in front of him, you pull his head to your stomach and hold him close.

"Seonghwa, I vow to you, right here, under the fish above, I am yours, I will have all of you, forever, for always. As long as you have me."

He looks up at you, standing, he leans over, and grabs your dress, sliding it back onto you, and smiles. "Forever, for always." He reached into the pocket of his suit coat and looks over your face and smiles, he wanted to wait. You smile taking his hand, looking around heading down another tunnel and you spot some octopi and smile wide. He stops and looks at you, getting down on one knee he looks up at you.

"Y/N, you've seen all of me, you've seen what I am, felt what I am, and didn't run, you've taken me for all I am, and now, I kneel here, before you, with one question. I vow to you, to be honest, to be true, and to be yours like you have done for me. Y/N I have one question... Marry me?" He looks over your face almost in the horror of being rejected.

You hear him, and you listen to what he says, your eyes close, your throat feels heavy, you let out a soft breath and turn around, "Seonghwa, of course, I will." You wrap your arms around him and hold him close. "I would be honored."

Not saying a word he pulls from you and places the ring on your finger, a special ring with a red cognac and black diamond with a tentacle band, special for you both. Smiling you admire it a moment and hug him again. Taking his hand he looks at your legs and chuckles watching his mess drip down your legs, licking his lips he smiles.

"How about we go back to my place, and you and I take a bath... and see where the night takes us from there." He chuckles.

Eagerly nodding your head, he picks you up and carries you back to the car forgetting about the blankets and pillows in the middle figuring he'd grab them tomorrow, he makes his way to the car and you two are off to his home.

[mochiable]

— cherries & foam. (f)

↣ summary: you've had a stressful day at work and Lucas is there to make your evening more enjoyable.

↣ pairing: boyfriend!lucas x fem!reader

↣ genre: fluff

↣ word count: +3k

↣ warnings: a bit suggestive

a/n: english is not my first language, so if you see any grammatical or spelling mistakes don't hesitate to tell me. any constructive criticism will be always welcome.

“Hello, love," you greeted your boyfriend as you walked through the door.

Lucas was lying on the couch watching the series you had sworn to watch together. You pouted unconsciously. Letting out a sigh, you took off your shoes and left your coat on the rack at the entrance.

“Are you watching the eleventh season of Modern Family without me?,” a new pout reappeared on your lips when you turned around and faced him.

Lucas turned his head in the direction of the tv and let out a nervous laugh, "Sorry, we can always resume to the last episode we watched together."

You couldn’t help the smile that formed on your lips as you heard him talk, "Don't worry, right now all I want to do is sleep until next year."

“Mhm, bad day?,” he questioned approaching you and bringing his face close to yours. You nodded softly as you grabbed his wrists and directed his arms around your waist.

“It was the most stressful day of my life, I swear I'm not exaggerating," you whispered, draping your arms around his shoulders and around his neck.

“You've been working so hard lately," he murmured, caressing your hip with his thumb. You nodded again with your eyes closed as you rested your forehead on his chest. You noticed how one of his hands went up to your head and started stroking your hair, "Do you want me to give you a massage?"

You groaned helplessly at the relaxation you got from the thought of it, eliciting a giggle from your boyfriend, "I'll take that as a yes."

You smiled again as you rose your head and looked into his eyes. He smiled back at you and moved in to kiss you. A lingering kiss, but not erotic at all. When you pulled apart you stood with your faces so close that your noses were touching, both of you with your eyes closed.

"You'll have to wash up first though, you smell a little," he teased just inches from your mouth, gaining a scoff and a punch on the arm from you, which made him laugh more, "how about you lie down on the bed while I run you a bath? Or do you want something to eat first?"

“I prefer the bath," you answered, but your look changed from a sweet one to one full of illusion, “wait, would you really run me a bath?”

“Ouch, are you that surprised?”, he answered with mock offense, bringing one of his hands to where his heart would be, making you laugh, “I'd make you as many as you want. Aigoo, my baby works very hard”.

You chuckled again, this time hitting him in the chest, “stop fooling around and go run me that bath, ‘cmon”.

“As you wish, Captain," he replied mockingly, putting a hand to his forehead as if he were a soldier.

Once Lucas left the dining room to go to prepare your bath, you headed to the kitchen with difficulty and opened the fridge looking for some snacks. You decided on the cherries in a small bowl, assuming Lucas had gone to buy them earlier this morning. You smiled sideways and took out the bowl, sat down on the counter and started eating.

“Babe, come on, it's ready!,” you heard him call you from the bathroom. You let out a sigh, shifting your gaze between your feet and the floor, “Y/N?”

“I can't!,” you answered, putting three cherries in your mouth, chewing slowly.

“Why not? What's the matter?,” his voice got closer and closer until your boyfriend's pretty face came through the kitchen door, “what's wrong?,” he asked in a soft voice as he walked over to you and looked with amusement at the bowl of cherries, “hey, that was meant for me!”, he whined, pouting cutely. You rolled your eyes and, without saying anything, stretched your arms in his direction. He looked at you with a raised eyebrow before crossing his arms, “you don't expect me to carry you, do you?”

You smiled excited as you waved your still raised arms at him, “please~”

Lucas sighed before he let out a laugh and ruffles your hair, making you squeal, “just because I love you”.

In less than two seconds you were in his arms, bridal style. You noticed how he held you with one arm, which made you frown, and turn your head, watching him grab the bowl of cherries with one of his hands. You looked at him with both eyebrows raised, waiting for an explanation, "what? I'm hungry”.

The moment Lucas opened the bathroom door, you tried not to let your mouth brush the floor. He had decorated the bathroom with red scented candles and dipped a bath bomb in the tub, giving the water a golden color.

You stared in awe at your boyfriend as he set you down and looked up at you with a proud smile.

"Baby, you didn't have to," you said stroking his cheek with your thumb.

He directed his hand and placed it on your wrist to pull it away from his face and give it a gentle squeeze, "come here," he replied leading you to the tub. He began to remove your thin jacket, then your shirt and undershirt.

You looked at him intrigued, "Xuxi, I understand you feel like doing things, but I'm too tired".

He looked at you in confusion and, after looking at the clothes now lying on the floor, opened his mouth and then quickly closed it. He brought his gaze back up to your face and gave you a gentle smack on the forehead, “No, pabo, I don't want to do anything”.

Without waiting a second longer, he bent down and unbuttoned your pants and then started to pull them down your long legs. You couldn’t help but bristle as he left a chaste kiss on your inner thigh. You've always felt self-conscious about your legs. You weren't what was considered the perfect ideal in Korea and, although you didn't like to admit it, the looks and comments people made about you had made you insecure about that part of their body.

Lucas knew that, in fact, you didn't need to tell him. When he saw that you stopped wearing skirts or shorts he knew something was wrong, and he didn't hesitate to show you how perfect you were for him and that the only important thing was that you felt comfortable in your own body. And he had not stopped proving it to you to this day.

“Do you want me to take off your underwear?,” he asked, looking down gently at you.

You ducked your head, embarrassed and slightly blushing, but it didn’t take you long to nod. Lucas smiled in response and, as gently as he could, placed his long fingers on your hips making your skin crawl. That was adorable to him, so he deposited a small kiss this time very close to your groin. Slowly, he began to pull down the small piece of cloth still covering you and threw it on the floor along with the rest of your clothes.

He immediately stood up, placing his hands on your shoulders and turning you around, making your back face him. Delicately running his hands up your arms, he reached the clasp of your bra and nimbly unfastened it. Then he turned you again and tucked a lock of your hair behind your ear and smiled sweetly at you.

He hadn't looked down once. He kept looking into your eyes the whole time and thinking how he was so lucky to meet you and delight in sharing moments like this with you. Despite the years you've been together and the fact that this isn't the first time he's seen you without any clothes on, this moment felt, without a doubt, absolutely special.

“You are beautiful," he whispered, causing your cheeks to turn crimson red. Since the first date he hadn't stopped complimenting you and making you feel like the most special person on the planet, but you couldn’t help but feel self-conscious every time he emphasized how important you were to him.

And there he had you, completely at his mercy. You felt so small under his gaze yet so powerful. You knew it was at times like these that he would do whatever you asked, just as he knew you would do the same for him. But Lucas treated you with such affection that, even in this situation, he would never hurt you, in any way, shape or form.

“I heated the water just the way you like it, even though it's probably not as hot now as you'd prefer. Sorry about that," he smiled apologetically at you, making it inevitable that a smile took the shape of your lips, "oh, I also poured the bubble soap”.

“How could I have been so lucky?,” you asked rhetorically, hugging him by the waist but keeping your head up to see his face.

“You'll have to specify a little more, I don't know if you're referring to me or that I had to fight with an old lady for the last bottle of soap," he joked, provoking laughter from both of you.

“Thank you," you said sincerely, looking him straight in the eye.

“Don't thank me, sweetie,” he winked at you as he took you by the hand and helped you up the small step that was blocking your easy way into the bathtub. Once inside, you laid your head on the curve, where there was a towel to avoid further pain.

Lucas knelt down and began to wet your hair while you closed your eyes at the soothing sensation. Minutes passed and you had already gotten used to the temperature and pampering of your boyfriend. Lucas took the shampoo and made you sit up so he could apply the soap more easily on you.

You were hugging your knees, which were pressed to your chest. You didn't know how but, somehow or other, you still felt weak in front of him. You were so in love with him that if moments like these were to end someday you wouldn't know how to go on with your life.

After a few minutes, Lucas' soft fingers were tangled in your hair, gently massaging your skin in an attempt to clear your mind. Later, he rinsed your hair and applied vanilla soap (your favorite) on a sponge. Then he started to rub it on your back and then on your arms, chest and legs.

Some of you will say, couldn't she do this on her own? But you only say that because you don't know how romantic and tender it is to have your favorite person take such good care of you.

A splash aimed at your face snapped you out of your thoughts. You quickly brought the palms of your hands to your eyes and wiped away the traces of water that had lingered in the area. When you finally opened them you found your boyfriend holding back laughter. You raised an eyebrow and didn't hesitate to return the splash. That quickly turned into a water... and soap war.

“Ouch!," you squealed as a bit of suds got in your right eye. You immediately felt Lucas lean over the tub and pull your hands away from your face. He held your chin with his middle finger and thumb and turned your face in his direction.

He grimaced at the sight of your eye and stroked the bottom of it with the thumb of his other hand, trying to dry the area a bit, “It's a little sore, does it sting?”

You shook your head, "No, but you're going to pay for it," at the look of confusion on your boyfriend's face, you splashed him again, making him scream and provoking laughter from both of you.

After a few minutes of trying to regulate your breathing, Lucas turned around and grabbed the bowl of cherries he had brought with him. He carefully set it down on the step of the tub and directed a cherry to your mouth. You gladly took it and playfully bit his finger afterwards, to which he raised his eyebrows.

“Don't heat up what you don't want to eat," he warned, popping two cherries into his mouth. You laughed and moved a little closer to him. Luke picked up a cherry again and directed it at you, but you frowned and took it from him, leaving him confused. You made the gesture of handing it to him, bringing it closer to his mouth, but when it was already brushing his lips you quickly pushed it away and popped it in your mouth. You let out another laugh when you saw his annoyed face, "don't tempt me, y/n," he scolded you with fake annoyance, to which you stuck your tongue out at him.

Once Lucas finished bathing you he sat on the floor, resting his elbow on the step and holding your head with the palm of his hand. He smiled internally when he saw you playing with the little foam that was still left, passing it from one hand to the other and putting it back in the water. You were silent for a few seconds, feeling how his gaze never left you for a moment. You decided to raise your head, meeting the loving eyes of your boyfriend, who looked at you as if you were the most beautiful and expensive work of art in any museum.

“Why are you looking at me, Xuxi?,” you asked in a low tone of voice, closing your eyes and resting your face on your knee, which was sticking out of the water.

“How beautiful you look," he answered, holding back the urge to pull you out of the bathtub and hug you for the rest of the night. You opened your eyes and smiled broadly, making Lucas' heart pound, so much that he felt like it was going to burst out of his mouth. “Do you want me to leave so you can enjoy the bath by yourself?,” he asked with the intention of getting up and leaving the bathroom.

You quickly shook your head and pulled your arm out of the water to grab one of her hands and entwine it with yours, “stay with me, I always enjoy being with you”.

“I know, you tell me that every night," he joked, causing you to splash him again with the now cold water in the bathtub, eliciting a laugh from him.

Lucas moved his free hand to your knee that was closest to him and began to caress it, slowly lowering it until his hand was submerged in the water, continuing his caresses on the top of your thigh, very close to your hip.

You couldn't stop your skin from prickling again at such a sensation. It seemed that Lucas had some power over you, that he had somehow bewitched you so that, every time he touched you, wherever it was, you felt your legs tremble. Every time his fingers came into contact with your skin you felt soft electric shocks, which not only passed through your sensory nerves, but reached deep into your heart. You had often wondered if this was what people called "being in love", because if this sensation was the definition of being in love, then you had achieved the highest position.

“It's so cute how your skin prickles every time I touch you," he whispered, bringing his face close to yours, allowing you to smell his minty breath.

“That's the effect you have on me," you murmured back, directing your gaze to his pink lips.

“Mhm, that sounded sexy," he teased, giving you a gentle pinch on your thigh, causing an intense blush to take over your cheeks.

“You're weird," you laughed, bringing your hand in the direction of his, which was still underwater. You brought it to your mouth and placed a short but gentle kiss on his knuckles, then rested your cheek on the top of his hand. “Don't you want to get in here with me? The water is just the way you like it”.

He shook his head, "I'm fine here, I like looking at you”.

You were silent for a few minutes, looking at each other and thinking about how much you had missed each other.

“You're shaking, do you want to go out?,” Lucas asked, stroking the back of your hand.

When you nodded like a little girl, Lucas got up from the floor and walked over to the corner where your towels were on the electric towel rack. He grabbed the softest one and spread it out, shaking it gently to finish unfolding it. Then he picked up a smaller one for your feet and walked over to you, holding the one for your body with one hand and stretching the one for your feet on the edge of the tub. With his free hand he grabbed your hand and pulled you towards him to lift you up, helping you cautiously out of the tub, getting your feet onto the towel that was laying on the floor. He made a gesture with his head for you to move your arms away from your sides, which you did, and, with a smile, he wrapped your body in the soft towel.

With one hand you held the towel so as not to drop it and pulled it even tighter to your body. He then bent down to open one of the drawers on the shelf and from there he pulled out another towel. He walked back over to you and turned you around, with you facing the mirror and your back to Lucas. He lifted the towel and dropped it over your head, then began to move it in gentle circles, massaging your scalp. You closed your eyes, forcing yourself to relax.

“You're the best boyfriend I've ever had," you opened your eyes wide when you heard him laugh. Had you said that out loud?

“I don't really know whether to be flattered or offended," he joked, finally dropping the towel from your head, meeting your boyfriend's amused face through the mirror.

You felt your cheeks heat up from one moment to the next and smiled apologetically at him. It was true, you had never had a boyfriend before, and it wasn't something you used to be ashamed of, not until now.

“Well, I think you should be flattered," you said, putting a clip on your towel so it wouldn't fall and turning around. You moved as close to him as possible and raised your hands to place them on his shoulders. You stood on tiptoe so you could reach his face, “even if I had a thousand boyfriends, you'd still be the best," you smiled as you watched Lucas bite his lower lip trying to hold back the huge smile that was about to escape him. Without waiting another second you pressed your lips to his, in a short and soft kiss.

“Tell me something I don't know," he teased making you both laugh before melting into another kiss, this one much longer and more passionate than the other, in which you showed each other how much you loved each other and how much you needed each other.

It was at that moment that you realized how lucky you were to be with a man like Lucas. Because he wasn't a boy, he was truly a man. And best of all, he wasn't just any man, he was your man.

copyright © 2021 @/mochiable. all rights reserved.

[20dollarlolita]

Hi there. I've loved the goth lolita since high-school and I've just ordered my 1st custom ordered dress from Etsy Dollbe. It should take 2-3 months for completion and shipping.  In the meantime, I'm tempted to try my own hand using one of these old A line dresses of mine as a base for a pattern. (Please see pic)

I have basic sewing skills of alterations and simple projects like totes or cosplay/Halloween costumes. Dart work is not my forte yet. Anything lolita that I purchase in the future will have to be custom made for my taller curvy shape (size 12-16).

Are draft alterations of an old A line waste of time or is it worth while? Do you have any suggestion?

I've said it before on the smock dress with puff sleeve post, but I'll say it again: your ability to add detail to a simple garment is going to make or break your ability to sell a nontraditional garment as lolita. You can add a bigger skirt or change the straps, and if it's not detailed enough or not given the right elements to make it work, it won't look lolita.

This is actually the phenomenon by which Yumi King's lolita dress tutorial, which is barely constructed by a normal standard of craftsmanship, still reads as lolita more than a lot of bad replicas out there. That's not to say that making a garment lolita is as easy as gluing some lace on it and calling it lolita, but you should be planning on adding lace.

With the pictures that you've given my main concern is the shape of the bodice. That pleated skirt is not uncommon, even if it's low volume, but the bodice has a more closed neckline and smaller sleeve holes than you'd expect out of a lolita JSK. Remember that it's expected for you to wear a blouse under the bodice, and you need to figure out how you're going to come to terms with that restraint.

However, while the re-construction necessary to get these pieces to be proper, by-the-book lolita would be kind of intense, and possibly more work than just building a dress from scratch, there is nothing stopping you from reworking the dresses to be heavily lolita-inspired. You can practice how to build upon a foundation, and learn the ways to reach EGL's intense adornment standard without feeling cluttered or tacky. Doing this will also help you build connections that will help you when you do sew your own lolita. It'll teach you how to build your own bows. It'll teach you where to source good lace. Building yourself a garment that's heavily lolita-inspired can also help you feel like you have something more lolita in your wardrobe. It might not pass the CoF check, but if you're doing lolita for personal enjoyment and not online approval, that might not matter.

For reference, here's a heavily lolita-inspired piece with a similar box pleat waistline. There is a good choice of accessory (I own this piece so if you want detail shots, let me know) such as pearls, which builds upon the undersea theme. This dress does have fewer detail additions than a normal lolita dress (it doesn't have hem lace, for starters), but that's a decision of how to balance the piece.

Learning how to make something over-the-top in a restrained way is something you learn best from doing. You get experience from trying things. If you're not able to start doing full lolita yet, you can still gain the experience of incorporating those details into a piece.

If you're absolutely determined to make these pieces actual lolita, I'd probably turn them into skirts with bustle backs (example), because the bodices will be difficult to modify, and the skirts don't really have the normally expected lolita fullness. At that point, however, I'd have to be doing it because I love the fabric, and not because it would save time or effort.

Also, check the notes to this post, because if any of my followers have suggestions for good places to get lolita for a curvy/tall dress that goes up to size 14+, they'll probably leave them in the replies. (please do, if you know)

[eagles-translated]

Analyzing the writing of Eagles

Here's a post I've been wanting to make for a while! I've expressed my thoughts on some of the storylines in previous posts, but I've never done a complete post on the writing of the whole show. I've divided this post into separate parts, focusing on each season and its plot points. Keep reading to see my analysis of the writing in Eagles! 👇 Word Count: 18k

If you've stumbled upon this post from the Young Royals or the Beartown tag (tagged them since I've drawn some parallels from those shows), here's a brief summary of what Eagles is, which you can watch with English subtitles here. This post contains Eagles spoilers from 1x01 - 3x10.

Eagles is a Swedish TV show that revolves around a few teenagers living in the Swedish ice hockey town Oskarshamn while experiencing friendship, love, and rivalry on the ice.

To start this off I would like to say that I have no experience with professional screenwriting and if anything, this is just a way for me to procrastinate on actually writing my own projects.

I love experiencing new stories and when I discover one I really like it's just natural for me to branch off with "what ifs" and to start wondering how the story would've turned out if some things were changed. Sometimes it's with a storyline improvement in mind, and other times it's just out of plain curiosity.

You might feel like this post is leaning towards the critical side, and I can definitely understand why since there are a lot of small details that I've picked apart from all seasons. I added a section for each season with things that I thought were really well done so this post wouldn't be too negative.

I actually did enjoy all seasons and I feel like the quality of not just the writing but every single thing has steadily increased each year.

Season 1: Tropes and clichés

Eagles premiered its first season in 2019 and was, despite many negative reviews, a big success among its target audience. Every episode on SVT Play amassed around 700 000–800 000 views and there didn't seem to be any doubt that the show would get renewed.

What the critics had issues with were that "Eagles rarely takes the unexpected path, and feels like a slightly soulless product of studied target group thinking a little too often," (Karolina Fjellborg in Aftonbladet) and "In Eagles, the characters seem to be locked in the role of a "teenager" but the humanity is missing. They've simplified the construction of the character," (Django Lorentzson in MovieZine).

Eagles was unfortunate enough to constantly be compared to SKAM in its infancy, and that's a tough comparison to live up to. SVT sort of shot themselves in the foot as they were the ones who contributed to it. While the show was still in the casting process, SVT wrote an article hyping the show up as a Swedish SKAM (which has since been edited, but led many to falsely believe that it would involve all the familiar SKAM characters with some hockey elements sprinkled in).

So, why exactly did critics think the first three episodes of the show were predictable and soulless? Well, it's pretty simple. They'd seen it all before. The setting, the characters, the storylines—just in different TV shows and movies.

Season 1 for me is nostalgic and very enjoyable despite its clichéd nature. I also felt like I'd seen the show before due to its generic storylines, but there is a reason why tropes are tropes and why clichés are clichés. It's because they're tried and true, and actually somewhat good writing tools as long as you expand on them. The keyword here is to expand—a story doesn't magically become good simply because you mimic something another writer has done. Tropes are fine to use but you can't just apply them and stop there. Everything in a story needs to be developed in order to be good.

It's safe to say that it's pretty much impossible to write a story without any tropes that have been used before. Striving to avoid clichés at all costs in hopes of making your story as original as possible is harder than it sounds, and almost impossible to boot. Here's a great piece of advice for aspiring writers written by a user on Carvezine:

[...] if you look down at your story and are worried it’s already been told before – don’t spend another second thinking about it. It has. A million times. The only difference is that it hasn’t been told by you. Accept that regurgitation is part of writing, and just do your best not to regurgitate the same way as the guy next to you. We’d all do well to acknowledge there is at least a portion of our stories that are really someone else’s. [...] Beyond that, write with the motivation that if you don’t get around to telling your story, eventually somebody else will.

Even the greatest books have storylines with some clichés. And that's not really a bad thing, either. Think about it. How many times have you decided to binge a TV show solely because it reminded you of another series? Or picked up a book simply because you love a good enemies to lovers romance, a battle between good and evil fantasy, or whatever it might be?

I found this article from Masterclass that perfectly describes what tropes are and why they're used. It's written from the perspective of novel writing but it is still applicable.

A trope in literary terms is a plot device or character attribute that is used so commonly in the genre that it’s seen as commonplace or conventional. For example, a trope in superhero stories is a villain who wants to take over the world. Tropes are popular for a reason—if something has been written about over and over again, there’s a good chance that it’s something readers enjoy reading! Tropes can be helpful, but a novel made up only of tropes will quickly start to feel stale and predictable to readers. That’s why you need to read up on tropes—and then innovate. Deliberately taking a favorite trope and turning it on its head is a great way to put your own unique spin on the genre and keep your readers interested.

Eagles, in its first season, didn't really do a lot of expanding upon the tropes they used and it's understandable that they were still trying to find their footing. I can also imagine it's difficult to do so when you only have eight 20 minute episodes in the season.

However... There definitely should've been more work put into these characters to make them their own. It's tricky, yes, but still achievable if you don't abandon them in their cookie-cutter form and try to actually decorate them with something unique and fresh.

So, how did they write their characters?

Felicia's character and backstory

To start off, Felicia is a famous influencer known for starring in a reality show next to her former NHL professional father. There's already a clear disconnect because it's hard to relate to a character with such a public past and large following. But it is 100% possible if you let the viewer know the character has humane qualities just like the person watching the show.

Look at Wilhelm from Netflix's Young Royals, another Swedish TV show. Wilhelm is the prince of Sweden, set to attend a prestigious elite boarding school, and is the heir to the throne. That doesn't exactly sound like a relatable scenario, does it? And yet the writers make it work because when we're introduced to Wilhelm we realize he's just like everybody else. He wants a normal life, he latches on to his older brother for support, he has anxiety, and he struggles between following his heart versus doing what his family is expecting him to do. A lot of these factors are relatable among the audience.

So, let's look at Felicia Kroon. She is in many ways portrayed as the main character of the show. Eagles starts off with her family having moved to Oskarshamn and the following episodes focus on her developing relationship with Ludde as well as her traumatic past. There's almost too much focus on Felicia here, and I'll get back to that.

Comparing Felicia to Wilhelm from Young Royals, they're both well-known teenagers with famous parents. Of course they have different circumstances considering Felicia is Instagram popular and Wilhelm is a blood royal, but in the grand scheme of things they're similar. Felicia is even referred to as a "Kroon princess" because of her last name Kroon bearing a resemblance to the Swedish word kronprinsessa, meaning crown princess.

The students of their respective schools treat their attendance as a big deal when they first arrive and then Wilhelm and Felicia start spending time with the "popular" crowd despite not really fitting in there.

I personally found it easy to relate to Wilhelm but difficult to relate to Felicia. Some people may feel differently, but her character is basically a popular party girl who attracts the attention of one of the school's star players and is "welcomed" by the popular crowd on her first day of school. I put welcome in quotation marks because Klara, the leader of the girl group, isn't exactly the most welcoming person but she does welcome Felicia to the school. My point is, Felicia doesn't have a lot of relatable traits in the first episodes.

Felicia then goes on a date with the guy she's met, Ludde. Okay, so there haven't been that many layers to her character yet. We're at the third episode and so far she's been kind of flat.

Near the end of the third episode, we get some depth to the character and we hear her back story.

Felicia: [...] We don’t have a good relationship, my dad and I. And that’s probably why we moved from the beginning, because he’s an idiot. We’ve never been close, but… Elias and he have been since they’ve had hockey. [...] And mom has been really involved, so… And I… They’ve never really cared about me. And… And I haven’t really been a problem either. I’ve had good grades, good friends, and… I don’t know why I’m telling you this. I don’t talk about it to people. [...] I just felt so fucking lonely and invisible. I was worried all the time, couldn’t sleep, panicked because I couldn’t sleep… So I started going out more. It went overboard. It started affecting school, my grades slipped… I started taking things to be able to concentrate. Everybody does stuff like that. And then I still couldn’t sleep, so… I started mixing with sleeping pills. And there’s always wine and booze at our place. I don’t want this to come out, that’s really important. Ludde: Of course, I’d never tell. Felicia: One night, something happened that made me… Act out of control more than usual. I woke up the next morning in the hospital. So they sent me to rehab. It was really rough for mom and dad that I was suddenly in focus. When I woke up, dad wasn’t even there. Ludde: What made you take too much that night? Felicia: I’d forgotten my phone at home, so I ran up and got it while my friends were waiting in an Uber. Then I came into the hall and I heard noises. You know, like, when somebody is doing it. Ludde: Okay. Felicia: And I thought it was really weird because mom wasn’t home. So I went into the living room… Dad was fucking my mom’s best friend. On the rug below the couch.

This gives Felicia more layers and does separate her from every other "popular pretty party girl" trope that you see on TV. But this is a huge info dump, and that's a problem. I would've liked to see this happen on-screen instead of only being told what went down. The golden rule of Show don't tell, as people like to say.

Show, don’t tell is a writing technique in which story and characters are related through sensory details and actions rather than exposition. It fosters a style of writing that’s more immersive for the reader, allowing them to “be in the room” with the characters. In his most commonly repeated quote, Chekhov said, “Don’t tell me the moon is shining. Show me the glint of light on broken glass."

This back story could've been more impactful that way if, perhaps, the show began with Felicia in a hospital bed with a strong headache and hazy flashbacks of that night where she saw her dad sleeping with another woman. Then we're introduced to her mother and brother sitting next to the hospital bed tired and worried, and Felicia notices her dad isn't present. They tell her Felicia is being sent to rehab and then there's a time-jump before we see the Kroon family having moved to Oskarshamn.

That's just an idea I threw together at the top of my head, but you get my point. It would've been more interesting if we knew from the beginning that Felicia had a traumatic past like this, leading the viewer to want to know more about what actually happened.

We did get a brief flashback at the very beginning of the show—we see Felicia partying with her friends and taking some pill before lying unconscious on the ground. There's also a glimpse of Ludde's car accident with Andreas yelling at him to get out of there.

That segment only lasts for around 45 seconds and it's easily forgettable upon your first viewing of the show. It's also hard to even recognize Felicia in the dark nightclub setting with the flashing lights. Some dialogue in that short scene could've made it more memorable, because I found that when I first watched season 1 I remembered Andreas yelling at Ludde despite that being drowned out by the music.

Ludde's backstory was way more well-done, in my opinion. We see him having crashed the car and bleeding from his head. He looks terrified and almost frozen by fear, needing to be pulled out of the car by a panicked Andreas yelling at him to bring Ludde back to the reality of the situation. We see Andreas yelling and pointing, telling Ludde he needs to run now. It's more powerful when we get to see it.

And in episode 8, when we learn the truth of what happened, it's not a long and dragged-out monologue. It fits into what's going on in the story. Felicia and Ludde have known each other for a few months now and are much closer than they were on their first date. They've had disagreements and fights, but at this moment they're in a good place.

And it feels like the right moment for Ludde to come clean about what happened to him.

Ludde: Hey… There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you. Felicia: What? Ludde: About… My brother. It’s not really as everybody thinks. Felicia: What do you mean? Ludde: That night when he crashed… It wasn’t Andreas who drove the car. We were on our way home from one of his buddies. We’d had some fun drinking. And then… I’d just started learning how to drive. So I nagged and nagged at him. Felicia: So you were the one driving? But he’s an adult- Ludde: He was drunk as hell. He was going to leave the car, but I thought it was so cold and it was only three blocks away so I thought that I could drive. Felicia: And what happened? Ludde: It was slippery and really dark… And a car came. I hit the brakes in time, but it… Yeah. Right after he pushed me out of the car and yelled that I should run home straight away. He really didn’t want me to get into trouble. So, yeah… It was fucking bad luck. I want to just gather everybody and scream that it was me. Felicia: Hey… I love you. Ludde: I love you too. I love you so fucking much.

As Ludde is telling Felicia what happened as the other car came, we see a silent flashback of it along with Ludde's voice narrating. We see Andreas pulling him out of the car and yelling. Cutting to this scene that we've already seen in the beginning but might've forgotten about is a smart choice and makes the story Ludde is telling more real. We see it unfolding as Ludde is telling this to Felicia. It's a powerful scene.

We then see Felicia hugging Ludde from behind, a sign of support with no words needed. She tells him she loves him and Ludde says it back. It's an honest and sweet moment that comes at a perfect time in the story. It's not too early like Felicia's backstory was.

I sort of understand why Felicia's backstory was info-dumped because it was right before the drama of Mats accidentally spilling the beans to Klara's family. They wanted the audience to know what happened to her early, so they could move on to the plot point of Felicia thinking Ludde was the one who told everybody.

But we don't need every single detail of Felicia's story. Let it come organically. The only thing that was really needed was for Ludde to know that Felicia had struggled with drug use and was sent to rehab for this storyline to work. The reason why could've been saved for later, and it would've made for a more interesting reveal. Maybe just have Felicia allude to seeing something that night, but don't tell the viewers right away what it was.

In 1x06, Felicia is incredibly upset when she hears that her dad was the one who told Klara's family what happened to Felicia in the US. And rightly so.

Felicia: Don’t you get it? You ruined everything! Mats: What? Felicia: You told the whole damn town about me! About the US! Mats: I really didn’t mean to disclose you- Or disclose us. Sorry. Hey, sorry. Flisan, please. Hey. Felicia: Did you tell them you fucked mom’s best friend too? Yes, I saw you.

If this had been the moment where we first find out what Felicia saw, it would've been more surprising. Our reaction would've mirrored Mats's, and it would've been more heart-wrenching to know that Felicia was traumatized by an affair her dad had only to be cheated on herself in the very same episode.

Ludde's problematic nature

One of the scriptwriters of Eagles, Fanny Ekstrand, was interviewed in the behind-the-scenes documentary Edvins Skådisdrömmar. In this interview, she states:

Ludvig, he's the one who's been the easiest to retain the personality of. Because he's so... He's calm and friendly, but he makes dumb decisions. Ludvig isn't a typical hockey guy. He has a bunch of other qualities—music being one of them.

I found myself slightly disagreeing with this take, despite knowing Ekstrand is literally a part of the writing team and most likely helped shaped Ludde's personality. I just interpreted Ludde's character (at least in season 1) differently.

I also didn't find him that much different from any other typical hockey guy just because he happens to have another interest. That's a bit like saying Archie Andrews from The CW's Riverdale isn't a stereotypical jock because he also plays the guitar.

In season 1, we see Ludde break into the rink because he wanted to test out the ice. He just loves hockey that much. He also uses it as a way to express frustration and anger, which we saw in 1x05. He flirts with the new girl in school and in the beginning he even uses it as a tactic to gain a position on the main hockey team. This was confirmed by the creator Stefan H. Lindén in his Q&A, where he said:

My idea has always been that Ludde was blown away by Felicia and that he really likes her but that they both initially interacted and met to go swimming because Felicia knew it would piss her dad off and Ludde knew that it might throw Elias off since they were competing for the same position in the team.

I would say that the characteristics of a typical hockey guy would be someone like Adam—obsessed with the sport, flirting with girls, going to parties, and just spending a lot of time in the rink. Ludde checks off all of these points. However, I will give this the benefit of the doubt since season 2 Ludde seems to change a lot and it's easier to interpret him as the calm and friendly guy he was supposed to be in season 1.

So to me, Ludde wasn't calm and friendly at all. In season 2, yes, but when we're first introduced to him?

Ludde shows anger issues and violent tendencies in 1x05 when he head-butts Elias and breaks his nose. It's violent and messy. He then yells at Felicia to leave when she's trying to communicate with him and belittles her drug problems solely because she's rich. To me, Ludde wasn't a nice person in 1x04 either when he let his friends make suggestive comments about Felicia and what she was like in bed.

Omar: I can tell you one thing - you’re not borrowing my towel today cause I don’t know where that dick has been. Adam: It’s nice when she sucks, right? Omar: Can’t you tell us some more, does she bite you or is it just really, really nice? [...] Adam: Is that what you sound like when you’re coming? What does she sound like?

This was described as "locker room talk" and the writers probably wanted to show an authentic view of what being a hockey player is like. I understand that. But it's a little problematic when it's later swept under the rug and treated like something that we're just supposed to accept.

Elias: [...] it’s not very fun to sit in a hockey locker room where people are talking about how nice it is to fuck my sister. Felicia: Ludde would never say anything like that, you know that. Elias: He wouldn’t? It’s a locker room, Felicia. That’s the only thing they talk about.

It did not sit right with me how Felicia seemed to be the one Elias blamed in this scene, and Ludde and his friends never faced any real consequences for what they said. Elias did lash out at Ludde, but there was no severe consequence for Omar and Adam's comments.

Compare this scenario to another Swedish show, Beartown on HBO. Beartown is similar to Eagles and focuses on a hockey team in a small town with one of the star players hooking up with a girl who's recently moved to their small town.

This girl is raped by the hockey player. And because of his status as the star of the team, he has almost the whole school behind him. The girl however is labeled as a lying slut. It's unfair and frustrating to see it happen, but it's authentic and done in a way that doesn't glamorize the ugly side of hockey culture.

Eagles is not as dark as Beartown so this comparison might be a little unfair. Beartown's whole storyline did revolve around this incident while in Eagles the hockey culture is treated more as a side thought. It's like they decided to throw in a taste of what goes on in a locker room just to create drama without really addressing it further.

Beartown did a much better job of portraying the problematic and toxic elements of hockey culture without making it seem like it's just something normal that we should accept. It was honest and raw. If you haven't seen the show, this short video does a great job of depicting how much thought was put into the toxic hockey culture, winning mentality, and subsequently hockey players thinking they're entitled to do whatever they want.

So, to respond to Ekstrand's quote from Edvins Skådisdrömmar—I did not experience Ludde as a "good guy" who only makes dumb decisions at all. In season 1, he's a bad person for letting his friends sexualize a girl he likes and letting her brother hear their disgusting comments. He's a bad person for fighting with her brother and later yelling at her, saying her drug issues are insignificant despite acting supportive of her only two episodes earlier.

I don't mind conflicts like these because they drive the story forward. I didn't particularly like Ludde in season 1 because of the reasons I just stated, but they're necessary to create drama and make the show interesting.

It's just weird to me how one of the writers is saying that Ludde is a calm person and a good guy when that is not at all how I interpreted his character.

Eagles is a show targeted towards a young audience, among them probably a lot of easily influenced pre-teens. What kind of message does this send to them when the guy letting his friends sexualize a girl he's slept with and on top of that laughing at their inappropriate comments is referred to as the good guy?

Klara is mean... What else?

From the moment we're introduced to Klara, it seems obvious that she'll play a living and breathing version of the infamous Alpha Bitch trope. She's also a prime example of the basic Popular is Evil trope and has her own Girl Posse consisting of Sara and Amie.

Klara feels threatened by the arrival of a potential new popular girl, Felicia, and does everything in her power to bully Felicia to show dominance. She barely shows any good sides of herself.

The only instance I can think of where we sort of see season 1 Klara in a positive light is when she talks to Amie in 1x05 about their friendship and then accompanies Amie to her audition for the school band.

Klara: Ever since Felicia started at school… It’s felt like you only hang out with her and that you’ve forgotten about me. She like took you from me. Amie: But I haven’t forgotten you. Klara: No, but do you get what I mean? Amie: I get it, but I haven’t forgotten you. Klara: No, I know. Amie: I know, but it just turned out that way when school started. Klara: Okay. Amie: But I’m sorry. Klara: It’s fine. Amie: Are you sure? Klara: Yeah. You can make it up to me when you go on your world tour.

Klara is really supportive of Amie's musical endeavors, but she also uses her support as a way to alienate Felicia from the girl group. It's very on the nose and kind of feels suffocating in the way it's written.

Klara: Amie, did you remove the clips? Amie: Yeah, she said they weren’t good. Klara: She’s just jealous. It’s so obvious. I mean, I’m jealous. You sing absolutely amazing. I don’t know, I just think it was really rude of her to sit in the cafeteria and criticize you like that Amie: Yeah, maybe. But she apologized. Klara: But still. That clip of you in the bathroom… Like… Sorry, but I’d be so mad if someone had posted something like that of me. I mean, you were standing there without makeup, completely non-fixed up. And the whole thing with her filming you without you knowing. That’s really weird. You don’t do that. Don’t you think so?

I'm sure there are plenty of people who act like this in real life. And maybe that's part of the problem, because Klara in season 1 really isn't an interesting character. We've met this person before and we know exactly what she's like. There's nothing new to discover. So season 1 is essentially just Klara being petty and rude every chance she gets, and to me it felt like a large part of her character was written just to stir up drama.

In 1x06, we see Klara backstab Amie by filming her making out with Ludde at her Halloween party. But I thought it was established in 1x05 that Klara feels like Amie was taken from her? And if Klara actually cared about Amie and didn't want to lose her as a friend, she wouldn't just stand by and watch with her phone recording the whole thing. It doesn't make a lot of sense.

Klara even made that whole point about how it was really weird of Felicia to film Amie without her knowing. So why would Klara do it, when she expressed that's weird and not something a normal person does? Is that supposed to be foreshadowing? Because if so, that's a clear contradiction and not how foreshadowing works.

When Sara happens to see the video on Klara's phone she immediately says that Klara should delete it.

Sara: What is that? Did they know you were filming? Klara: No, of course they didn’t know. Sara: Oh my god, Klara. You should probably delete it. Klara: I’m going to! But it’s crazy, right? Sara: Yeah, god. But seriously, delete it. Klara: I’m going to.

So Klara says she's going to delete the video. But it's still unclear why it was filmed in the first place if Klara insists that she's going to delete it. It's not like she filmed it just to show it to Sara either, since Sara wasn't meant to see it and only saw it by chance while swiping through Klara's photos on her phone.

It doesn't make sense for Klara to film a video like that of her best friend that she's supposed to care about. It doesn't make sense for Klara to film a video of anybody without their knowledge when she previously made a big deal about how you shouldn't do that.

What Klara's character is, is a bad attempt at the classical mean girl. She's clichéd, boring, and full of tropes.

Even her eventual character development is riddled with tropes like the Heel Realization where a character realizes they're actually one of the bad guys. This realization seems to come in 1x08, where Felicia calls Klara out on her behavior.

Felicia: You know what, Klara. I’m so fucking tired of your fucking comments. You didn’t get to be Lucia this year. Poor you! Was dad unable to fix that? Cry then, Klara. Cry. You’re so fucking mean. Everybody here is tired- Everybody here is scared of you. Even those who liked you once, they can’t take it anymore. Klara: That’s not true. It’s not true. Felicia: Yes, everybody is scared of you. You know what? Look around. Show people some fucking respect. Klara: Well say something, Amie! Amie: What is there to say? She’s right.

Klara needed a wake-up call like this. It's just unfortunate that she goes back to her mean girl behavior and posts the video after Amie insinuated that Klara wasn't a real friend. Klara already knew that Amie felt that way since she said Felicia was right in her assessment of everybody being scared and tired of Klara. So wouldn't it have made more sense for Klara to post the video right after that moment instead of during Amie's performance?

Or rather, why not pull a Subverted Trope and not have Klara post the video at all after she realized how horrible she'd been acting? That would've made me respect her so much more and be a great introduction to her character development in season 2.

The Halloween Incident

To me, the whole Halloween episode was questionable. First off, we never got actual confirmation of what happened in that room between Amie and Ludde. Some viewers insist that they only made out and others believe they went all the way. Here's what the creator of the show, Stefan H. Lindén, had to say about this in a Q&A post he did:

I think if you went into the writers room of Eagles and asked all of us what really happened in that room [between Ludde and Amie at Klara's Halloween party] we would all have different answers.  I know what happened, but I’m not sure we will ever truly know for sure, unless Ludvig or Amie eventually are open enough to admit to anyone what really happened.

This is kind of a vague answer, but that's fair considering that when Stefan did this Q&A the latest episode that had been released was 2x05 and he probably didn't want to spoil anything. However, looking back at this answer knowing how the season turned out I still feel like it's unclear what happened. It's also strange that Stefan seems to be saying that they never actually decided what happened between them since the writers "would all have different answers".

1x06 was just an odd episode for me overall. Lots of things felt rushed and underdeveloped. Let's not forget that this episode also contained, in my opinion, some of the weirdest lines in the whole show (along with Elias's strange monologue about plague vampires).

Ludde: Hey, I only have like 3%. Do you have any power? Adam: Are you wondering if I have a power bank in my shorts? It’s coming-

Ludde: I like shellfish. (said to Amie, wearing a lobster costume)

Up until this episode, Ludde has shown zero interest and attraction towards Amie. We are basically told that Ludde only hooked up with Amie because he was so drunk that he practically had no idea what he was doing.

In 1x02, we see a drunk Amie try to kiss Tobbe and upon getting rejected she moves on to make out with Adam. She gets overly friendly when she's drunk so the fact that she makes out with Ludde later is... Weird, but not entirely out of the realms of possibility.

Ludde on the other hand is moping about Felicia all night. He regrets how he yelled at her at the end of 1x05 and it shows. He's trying to drown all his problems in alcohol and it seems to be working, because when it enters his system he seems to be on top of the world.

What I found kind of ambiguous in this incident was if Ludde even remembered what happened that night. He was drinking so much compared to Amie, who doesn't really need as much alcohol before she reaches her "overly friendly" state. I thought for sure that Ludde was oblivious to the situation when he woke up in his bed the next day and immediately messaged Felicia.

There are just so many questions to unpack here that were never answered. What prompted Amie and Ludde to go into that empty room? Why did Ludde come with her? Why didn't Adam seem to care about this, when he'd been sitting next to Ludde and taking care of him most of the night? And as I wrote before, why would Klara film this video of her best friend when she previously expressed that was a weird thing to do?

There's just too much in 1x06 left unanswered. The Amie/Ludde hook-up was a badly executed plot twist because there wasn't anything hinting that this would happen. It just came out of nowhere.

Unbalanced screentime and Elias's wasted potential

A large portion of season 1 was dedicated to Felicia. This was kind of a let-down for me since I thought more focus would be placed on Eagles as a hockey team (after all, that's what the show is named after). I also thought more attention would be on Elias since he's the talented star player who's supposed to live up to his father's legacy.

The show starts with a couple radio hosts hyping up how Elias Kroon, son of the legendary Mats Kroon, is going to join the Eagles hockey team.

Host #1: [...] It’s finally official. New center in the junior team - Elias Kroon, son to the legendary NHL-pro Mats Kroon, who has now chosen to move home from the US to his hometown where Elias will play in his father’s old club Oskarshamn Eagles. Host #2: This is so freaking cool. Who doesn’t want a Kroon on their team? Host #1: We hope that he’ll take a spot on the A-team.

But we don't learn a lot about who Elias actually is in the first episode. The attention is on Felicia and her interest in Ludde.

Elias is so discarded that he barely has anything to say in the first couple of scenes we see him in. Here are all his eight lines in 1x01, and I'm not even joking.

Elias: Yes. Elias: Shut up. Elias: Ow. Elias: It's fine. Elias: Really? Elias: Fucking hell. Elias: I'll stay here. Elias: No, it's fine.

In 1x02 he has even fewer lines. Three, to be exact, and all he says is that his injury is a sprain and that it's fine. Essentially just an echo of two of the lines he had in the previous episode. It's nothing new.

There's a way to have a character stand out when they don't have many lines, but Elias just fades into the background with every other extra. There's too much time spent on having other characters talk about Elias than us actually getting to know him. So when we do meet him, it's pretty underwhelming.

Compare Elias to his sister who gets so much more attention from the writers. I don't really understand why either, since I thought Elias was a much more interesting character than his influencer sister. Felicia's character only seems to revolve around a guy. I wonder how many times we've seen that before?

In 1x02 we see the Eagles hockey team play their first game, but Elias is unable to play and has to sit in the stands for what was supposed to be his debut match. Why? Because during a hockey practice session in 1x01, Adam rams his stick into Elias to purposely injure him. I mean, fair enough. Adam is trying to get Ludde on the main team since he and Elias are competing for the same position. The shot of Adam smiling after Elias sprains his wrist is a bit too on the nose, but whatever.

What this does is minimize Elias' presence in season 1 by a lot. We don't see the son of the legendary NHL professional play an actual game until 1x05, which is more than halfway into the season. It's kind of disappointing but I understand the injury is done to dramatize his situation.

Elias barely gets his own storylines in the first few episodes. He just has things done to him instead of acting on his own. When we do see him on screen he gets injured by Adam, reprimanded by his father, and later told he can't play in his debut game.

His sweet side (or any side of him, really) isn't shown until 1x03 when Amie wakes up at the Kroon house and Elias reassures her that they didn't do anything together and that she can borrow Felicia's clothes.

Elias doesn't really do much for the plot until he hears Ludde's friends objectify Felicia and he starts a fight with Ludde and confronts Felicia about it. That's when it feels like Elias is actually a part of this show instead of just being an extra shoved into the background. His actions are finally affecting the plot.

Elias's potential in season 1 was hugely wasted. The only episode where we actually got to see him shine was 1x07, when he travels to Karlskrona with Amie. We find out he doesn't want the hockey arrangement his dad has planned for him and that he's actually a pretty goofy guy who likes making jokes (and eating green candy).

If less time was spent with Felicia and the distribution of every episode's 20 minutes was more balanced, season 1 could've been massively improved. It got much better in season 2, but season 1 suffered and made many people think that Felicia was a basic and unentertaining character.

The side characters and their comic relief

So one thing that I found really disappointing with Felicia's amount of screentime is that we barely got enough time for the other main characters, let alone the side characters.

What I mean here is that the only people we really know on the Eagles hockey team are Ludde and Elias. Ludde's friends, Adam and Omar, just feel like comic relief sidekicks. We don't really know what they're like, besides the fact that they like to make jokes and mess around.

This issue is largely created by the short running time the episodes have along with season 1 only having eight episodes in total. That's definitely understandable. It did get better in season 3 where we see Ludde having a deeper conversation with Adam and Omar and they finally don't just feel like the comic relief characters, but actual people with layers.

Ludde: I’m going to quit hockey. Adam: Are you serious? Omar: What the hell are you saying? Ludde: It’s not the same anymore. I’m not passionate about it. I… Yes, it sucks, but… I’ve thought about it for a while now. Omar: We make jokes about it and all, but… Yeah. It wouldn’t be the same without you. Kingelikingen. Adam: I get that it’s a tough choice. But yeah… You’ll work things out. You and Felicia. You always do. Ludde: You guys are pretty awesome sometimes, actually.

This scene was really sweet, and I wish we could've had moments like this between the guys in season 1. Just one scene to show that they're not just the "typical hockey guys". It feels like Ludde was the only person on the team in season 1 who wasn't just a background character. Even Elias, who you would assume should be at the forefront, isn't properly developed until 1x05 where we see him defending his sister and starting a fight with Ludde. Otherwise, it very much felt like Elias was kept in the background.

There are also guys on the team called Herman, Simon, Näslund, Ekbäck, Hoffmann, Berglund (even Montell, which was a fun nod to the show's director)... But who are they, actually? Do you even remember their names? To be honest with you, I don't. Because they're just names—not actual characters.

None of the other guys on the team get any depth. They're just sort of there as extras and to give the audience a sense of comedy with their "hockey team shenanigans". This was illustrated in 1x08, where Adam and Omar make their teammate Liam do a "sexy dance" on a table because he lost his virginity. Or a more extreme example—Jönsson, who only exists to be the comic relief and the unlucky guy who just can't catch a break.

In 2x04, Jönsson is told by Jack to do extra time in the gym and gets told off when he only spends a few minutes on the exercise bike. Later, Jack also makes a joke about how he should get Jönsson a defibrillator. In 2x09 Jönsson invites Ludde, Adam, and Omar to come to his mom's place to hang out. After he's left, Adam makes a comment about how there's no way he's going to "rot" in Jönsson's apartment that doesn't even have a balcony.

Don't get me wrong, these scenes aren't bad and I don't mean they should've been scrapped. Comedy can absolutely have its place in a show like this. Let's take the scene where Ludde flashes a couple of unfortunate old ladies on his first date with Felicia as an example. It feels like something a teenage boy would do to try to make a girl he likes laugh. It's a brief scene and it's nice to see Ludde being able to goof off only moments after talking about Andreas. We know that's a touchy subject for him.

However, it feels slightly overdone sometimes with how almost everybody on the hockey team is only there for comedic purposes and to fill space. It's more refreshing when they're shown to be multi-dimensional. I wish this is something that the writers would've considered when the show is literally titled after the hockey team, yet most of the hockey players are hardly in the story.

To add to this, it felt like Sara and Tobbe completely disappeared from the story in season 2. With Sara we understand that she probably didn't want to hang out with Klara anymore after knowing she filmed the Halloween video and posted it on Instagram, so that's fair. But it would've been nice to see Tobbe stick around in season 2, and I'll get back to why I think that.

The potential of season 1

When I look back on season 1 I feel really nostalgic. No matter how many small details that irked me, I can't deny that the setting of the show is beautiful and I really appreciate the depiction of it. Instead of showing Oskarshamn as a boring small town, we're shown the beauty of it which is incorporated into the storylines.

Some examples would be Ludde and Felicia's first date at Gunnarsö and walk through Havslätt, the gorgeous view of the Oskarshamn harbor from Klara's house Villa Högklint, and Badholmen where the school band performs and we later see Elias and Amie walking by in season 3. All these places are listed on the Eagles Oskarshamn site and I feel like they did a great job tying the storylines in with the locations.

Another aspect of season 1 and its writing that I really enjoyed was Elias and Amie's budding relationship. They just have a natural chemistry together and the dialogue between them also felt authentic and sweet.

Season 1 is just a very polished teen drama overall compared to some of SVT's previous series.

Back in 2007-2010, SVT used to air a soap opera-style show focusing on a few teenagers living in Gothenburg that was called Andra Avenyn (translation: Second Avenue). I was only seven at the time but I watched this show religiously as it aired three times a week. Just mentioning the show brings a lot of nostalgia.

Andra Avenyn amassed around 500 000 viewers per episode and was, just like Eagles, nominated for a Kristallen television award. But how good was it, really? If I take off my rose-colored glasses for a second and actually consider the show's highly dramatized storylines and unlikely scenarios, it had a tendency to drag on (which usually happens with soap operas). It didn't offer a realistic view of teenage life and on IMDb it currently sits at a rating score of 5.6 stars out of 10.

Comparing this old teen series to SVT's newer one, Eagles season 1 was a huge improvement and continues to be the most popular teen series that SVT has aired so far.

This idea and all the characters have lived in Stefan H. Lindéns mind since 2008, while Andra Avenyn was still on the air. It's actually amazing how high the quality of most TV shows has risen since then. Eagles has a rating score of 7.4 out of 10 stars on IMDb and has become internationally known in a way that Andra Avenyn never was.

Eagles season 1 laid the groundwork for SVT's most successful teen series of all time, and that's a huge achievement.

Season 2: "Subverting expectations"

When Eagles came back for season 2, the script made it kind of obvious that the writers had listened to the critique of season 1 being predictable.

I did find season 2 a huge step up from season 1—the directing was so much better and when it came to the script we got a deeper look into all the characters that they hadn't really scratched the surface of in the first season. My main disappointment however was that it felt like they threw in a bunch of weird plot twists just for the sake of "subverting expectations".

The core idea of subverting expectations can be great if done correctly. You lead the audience to believe they know what's going to happen, but then you surprise them with an unexpected and clever twist.

A post in Cinematography written by Mason Leaver defines the phrase of "subverting expectations" as:

[...] a method of surprising the audience with some element of a story, be it the plot, themes, characters, etc. This goes beyond a “twist” in a film. Expectation subversion actively works within the genre of a story, and attempts to reinterpret or subvert the conventions of that genre, breaking patterns in surprising and interesting ways. However, this method of surprising the audience is not always well received- it can sometimes be the source of heavy criticism from fans of the tropes which have been subverted.

This included "unexpected" relationships such as Elias/Klara and Amie/Ludde. The former actually worked, but the latter? Not so much.

Amie's crush on Ludde—make it make sense!

Amie and Ludde were my biggest issue with season 2, and it felt so out of character of Amie to be head over heels for Ludde. They work great as friends but romantically they're a huge mismatch.

But they have music in common, I hear you say. Yes, they do. But having a shared interest doesn't mean people are automatically a good match. You have to consider their chemistry and overall compatibility.

Before actors are cast in a show or movie where their characters will be romantically involved with each other, it's common to do what's called a chemistry read. Here's a neat description from an article in Backstage written by Caroline Liem:

Chemistry is the complex emotional or psychological interaction between two people. If this were a romantic article, it would be about love. Instead, we are discussing the astonishing rapport between two actors, and how that connection is achieved in order to book [...] the role. A chemistry read is an opportunity to read with actors being considered for a role opposite yours, usually lead roles. The main purpose is to see how you instinctively connect and work with the other actor.

This obviously wasn't done for the actors playing Amie and Ludde, since there didn't seem to be any intention of having their characters be involved in a romantic relationship.

That was even confirmed by Stefan H. Lindén in his Q&A of season 2, where he said that a love triangle between Ludde/Felicia/Amie was planned but later scrapped.

I can confirm that from the beginning of development of the series and the first version of the storyline a triangle drama was at some point intended for season 1 but later removed  – however when creating the characters, Ludvigs skill in music and arts was always there from the beginning so by knowing that, we always knew that interactions would appear between them. When looking back at Season 1, in the first scene by the lockers when Amie tells Felicia who Ludvig is, she does know exactly who he is and she is well aware of that his friend Tobias is a music guy that Amie wants to get to know. Also when looking at it, when I was the same age as Ludvig and Amie I, and I am sure a lot of people can relate to it, fact is that we never really knew if it was love or friendship in the beginning.

Knowing that the triangle drama was scrapped for season 1, it makes sense why it seems so arbitrary. There was no groundwork laid down for this pairing before it was hastily thrown together in 1x06 for a cheap plot twist. This continues in season 2, where Amie and Ludde start spending more time together. Yet it's hard to see Ludde as a potential love interest for Amie in the way the writers want us to. They still come off as friends despite having hooked up at a party.

I mentioned that Tobbe should've stuck around for season 2 and here's why. Tobbe was written to be the leader of the school band that Amie later joins, and he was friends with Ludde before the video was posted. He would've been a perfect fit for the Amie/Ludde music storyline but he's completely absent. He had the potential to be the person who could've helped them with the song a little and then later picked up on whatever there was going on between them.

I think the Amie/Ludde storyline could've hugely benefitted from a scene between Amie and Tobbe, where Tobbe asks if she actually has feelings for Ludde and we get to hear exactly what Amie is feeling. Maybe she's torn, not wanting to get together with Ludde because of how much they hurt Felicia, but at the same time finds it hard to suppress her feelings. A scene like that would've allowed us to get into Amie's head and make the Amie/Ludde storyline much clearer.

To add, this storyline was in desperate need of more interest from Ludde's side. There needed to be some indication from him that would make Amie believe he liked him back, even if that wasn't the case. All we get is Ludde complimenting Amie's song and then a hug in 2x05 when Amie says the record label in Stockholm wanted a meeting. And apparently, that was enough for Amie to think Ludde was interested in her despite him blowing off the Stockholm meeting and Amie hearing Ludde say that the Halloween incident was a mistake.

Ludde and Amie don't really mesh as well as Elias/Amie do or even as well as Ludde/Felicia do. Elias and Amie had sparks flying from the very first scene they shared. That pairing is one of the main reasons why the show became popular internationally, and why is that? Because of the actors' chemistry.

Amie and Ludde are a clumsy attempt at throwing together two people who don't really work together with the intention of "subverting expectations". And I suppose that's what the writers wanted to depict—an awkward crush that doesn't really make sense, which I'm sure many people have experienced as a teenager. That part is fine. But what I didn't like about this storyline is that Amie had no good reason to believe Ludde would be interested in anything with her beyond a platonic friendship.

While season 2 was airing, I was convinced that Amie wasn't actually in love with Ludde. She was just lonely after the aftermath of the Halloween video and mistook her feelings for Ludde as love when she just appreciated his company. Here's what I wrote:

So as we know, Amie kissed Ludde in episode 6 when he was in the hospital after having been injured during the hockey game against Karlskrona. She immediately seemed to regret having done that and ran out without an explanation, leaving Ludde alone and confused. I honestly don’t think Amie has any romantic feelings towards Ludde. I think she might mistake her feelings for a crush or something, when in reality she’s just lonely and appreciates Ludde always being there for her and giving her compliments on her musical ability. Ludde was complimenting Amie at the hospital, saying she was amazing, and I think Amie was just really touched by that and maybe wanted to thank him somehow, and ended up kissing him. And then she freaked out and left because oh my god did she really just kiss Ludde. It was an uncomfortable and awkward situation and that’s probably why she ran out. However, I really believe that if she had just stayed to explain and apologize, Ludde would understand and they could’ve just laughed it off. But this is a drama show so of course that wouldn’t happen! Do I think the writers are making them into a couple? No, definitely not. They know that season 1 was sort of predictable and cliché, so they’re making season 2 as different as possible by including these unexpected pairings such as Klara & Elias and Amie & Ludde. But Amie and Ludde won’t ever be a couple, because Ludde is still very much hung up on Felicia. I don’t see them as a couple either - yes, they have music in common, but they work way better as friends than in a relationship.

In Edvins Skådisdrömmar, which is a behind-the-scenes documentary of Eagles season 2, writers Fanny Ekstrand and Michaela Hamilton discuss the writing of the show in the documentary's third episode. The third episode is mostly focused on the lead-up to the scene where Amie kisses Ludde at the hospital. Adrian Öjvindsson, who plays Ludde, says:

Filming the kissing scene was [...] awkward and weird, actually. And that's how it ended up. Yandeh and I haven't really had any intimate scenes. In this case you could take in that it was weird, because that's also what the scene wanted to depict.

When Edvin reads the script, he describes the scene as a "nightmare" scenario. I agree. And the lazy build-up to this Awkward Kiss trope doesn't make it any better, because just like the Halloween incident this doesn't make a lot of sense.

It's supposed to be awkward and weird, just like Adrian said. But he also mentioned one of the most important details: Yandeh and I haven't really had any intimate scenes.

Before this kiss scene, there was nothing that indicated any chemistry between them. No accidental hand-touching, no longing stares, no nothing. Just a friendly hug. A proper build-up to the kiss scene would've made it feel less out of place.

The love confession from Amie to Ludde in 2x10 really threw me off as well. The confession to me made no sense and honestly felt like a prank call. There was no feeling behind it and zero reason for Amie to believe that there was a chance Ludde liked her back.

At the end of 2x08, Felicia goes to Ludde's house after he's confessed the truth to the police about the Andreas situation. Amie happens to overhear the conversation and she hears Ludde very clearly say that he's not interested in Amie.

Ludde: Felicia, there’s nothing between us. Between me and Amie. It was really the biggest mistake of my life. Felicia: Goodbye, Ludde. Ludde: Felicia, please!

Amie, now having her heart broken, crosses Ludde's name off the contract while crying. She knows he doesn't feel the same. So why would Amie even bother to call Ludde up to tell him she's "in love with him"?

Amie: [...] Hey, Ludde… Ludde: Yeah? Amie: It feels really weird to hear our song now. Because I know who the lyrics are about. And… And I… I really like you. Or, well… I’m in love with you. I just need to know how you feel. Or if you feel anything. Just tell me. Ludde: I’ll always want to be your friend, Amie, but… It’s Felicia I’m in love with.

This moment is on par with the awkwardness from the hospital kiss between them in 2x06. The second-hand embarrassment with this one was really rough, and what I don't understand is why this was even added to the script when Amie had already gotten the confirmation that Ludde didn't think of her in a romantic way. This storyline could've ended in 2x08 after Amie overheard the conversation between Ludde and Felicia.

It really didn't need to drag on for the whole season, essentially making Amie's whole storyline in season 2 about a guy. Her moment of finally getting signed to the record label was ruined when it could've been regarded as a fresh start if the storyline had just ended where it should have.

What this storyline did instead was ruining my favorite friendship of season 1, which was Amie/Felicia. This mess made it so hard for them to reconcile and they didn't end up properly addressing it until 3x09, spending almost two whole seasons mad at each other. It sucks that the writers decided to drag out their fighting and disagreements for this long when they could've instead shown two girls in solidarity who don't let a guy get between them and their friendship.

Amie apologized in 3x03 for how she hurt Felicia, but Felicia made it clear in 3x06 that she still harbored ill will towards Amie for what happened at Halloween (which in the timeline of this show was more than a year ago).

Felicia (to Amie): Are you going to start slobbering with [Elias] now too? Just give me back that sweater first, I don’t want slobber on that. Thanks.

I talked about how much I disliked the Amie/Ludde storyline in this post, with my main reason being that it really messed up the character dynamics that were established in season 1.

This storyline [of Ludde and Amie hooking up]—along with Amie falling in love with Ludde—is by far my least favorite one because it messed up the whole character dynamic. I feel like Amie and Felicia won’t ever go back to the kind of friendship they had in season 1 before the Halloween incident because the trust was so broken, and Amie really should’ve tried harder to apologize to Felicia like Ludde did instead of going after her best friend’s ex in season 2.

If there's just one thing I could change about this show, I would 100% get rid of the Amie/Ludde storylines. There is nothing that annoyed me as much as those storylines did.

Amie's musical ambitions

I've talked about this a bit before in another post because this was something that really bugged me about Amie's character in season 2. Here's what I wrote:

I honestly still feel like Amie’s whole storyline with sending in a rather basic demo written by two teenagers with little to no experience and then getting praised on it [by the Stockholm music producers] with comments such as “it’s going to be a real summer hit” felt so unrealistic to me. Maybe they only said that so Amie would accept their offer or something, but that’s still very strange because she would have still said yes without a doubt. I can understand that they thought Amie was marketable as a person and there was this bonus with her having gone viral before on Felicia’s Instagram, but that demo did not seem good enough for me to be immediately released as a single and then have them decide on the spot that Amie would be given a contract. I mean, come on. It never felt earned because we never really saw Amie struggling with her songwriting journey to achieve this dream. Sending in one demo to one record label and having them immediately want to make a whole album with you just doesn’t happen in real life unless the song is extremely good or you have a very unique voice. Amie is really talented but there are hundreds of people just like her, if not thousands. I was never convinced by her getting signed so quickly in season 2. I understand that they wanted to establish her as a successful artist [at the beginning of season 3], but that felt so rushed. I was so sure that the record label would screw her over and steal the song rights to record it with another artist who was already established, and that we’d have to see Amie work even harder to achieve her dreams. But we didn’t get that at all. Where was the struggle? [...] Of course I wanted to see Amie achieve success (and I was happy when she did), but the journey there was so bizarrely easy. She didn’t start to seriously work on making her music career become a reality until season 2. Amie had dabbled in music prior to that, like when she auditioned for the school band and did that performance of Follow, but she didn’t truly start to work towards it until season 2 when she decided to have her work sent to professionals in the business. And then, just five episodes later, she gets contacted by the record label in Stockholm. To put this into context—season 2 took place somewhere around March, and episode 5 around three weeks into April. So when Ludde first started helping Amie it took less than two months for her to get signed. You could argue that the song was just that good or that Amie is just that talented, but it never felt like a realistic storyline to me.

It's tricky to write a storyline like this when you only have ten 20 minute episodes in the season and a limited amount of screentime for every character. All that is understandable. But it's strange that they didn't opt for a time jump to really sell this storyline and make it believable.

Eagles uses time jumps a lot, but somehow this particular plot point was omitted from that and kind of glossed over. I don't really understand how they expected us to buy this storyline. The viewers aren't stupid, and more effort should've been put into this storyline.

In the post where I wrote this, @gajana18 also had an interesting thing to add:

[...] it's equally unrealistic that this huge record company would be hounding Amie, a teenage onehit wonder essentially to come back to the label- don’t they have other bigger artists?

This is a very strong point. Considering how Amie kept expressing that she wanted to finish school and then proceeded to ignore their calls, it's weird that they didn't just decide to discard her contract when Amie clearly wasn't taking her singing career as seriously as they wanted her to.

So, back to season 2. Maybe they could've gone with the record label stealing the rights to Amie's first song and screwing her over. This fuels her to try again and after a time jump of a few months we see Amie having worked really hard on a new and better song. Maybe even a whole album. And this time, she's learned from her past mistakes and improved her songwriting. This time, she's successful in her endeavor and it feels so much more earned after knowing the struggles she's been through to get there.

I also feel like a storyline like that would've made people sympathize with Amie more in season 2. It was really hard to root for her when she had nearly screwed Ludde over by not giving credit to his songwriting and saying "fuck him" when he didn't return Amie's feelings.

Klara's character development

When we're introduced to Klara in season 1, she's a stereotypical mean girl with wealthy parents who is the popular girl at school and has her own followers.

In season 2, the writers decided to develop the character. We find out Klara has issues at home and her mom is barely there. When she is, her parents will start fighting. Klara is feeling really lonely and doesn't really hang out with her friend Sara as much as she used to.

I appreciated the added depth, but it seemed like a drastic shift. The changed perspective could attribute to that but when you step back and really look at s1 Klara and s2 Klara, they're like two completely different people.

Maybe Klara's reputation suffered after she posted the Halloween video? Maybe she had a change of heart after Felicia finally confronted her during Lucia? I mean, I guess.

But what most fans (including me) didn't like about Klara in season 2 was that there were no clear consequences for her after she posted the Halloween video. Klara still hangs out with what seems to be the popular crowd and she has people to go out with. In a post I wrote last year about my thoughts on season 2, I wrote this:

I actually wish that Klara would’ve become more ostracized from her school friends to emphasize how alone she is, but she seems to still be pretty popular so that was kind of disappointing. I thought the fall-out of her posting the video would be worse, but I guess not. Anyway, I like that they’re taking a disliked character and making her into a better person. Feels like it’s been done a few times before, but I still appreciate them doing it. I hated s1 Klara for being so one-dimensional, but s2 Klara is well on her way to being a pretty good and nuanced character.

Her character development sort of comes a little out of nowhere, though. Her reputation wasn't ruined by posting that video and she didn't really lose any friends besides Sara (she had already lost Amie prior to posting that video considering what Amie said to her after Lucia in 1x08).

So what prompted Klara to become this whole new person who actually considers other people's feelings in a relatively short amount of time? Here's a conversation between Felicia and Klara in 2x07.

Felicia: Was there anything in particular you wanted to talk about? I understand that we’re not best friends just because you and Elias are together. We’re not here without a reason, right? Klara: No, I get that this feels weird for you. And if you don’t trust me after everything that’s happened - or that I’ve done. Felicia: Klara… Klara: I know that I haven’t acted like the world’s best person. And I regret that. Sorry.

But why does Klara regret her past behavior? What made her realize she hadn't acted like the "world's best person" if the ramifications from posting the Halloween video were so minimal?

Was it the relationship with Elias that made Klara change? No, I don't think so. When they first start talking at the bar in 2x03, Elias tells Klara that he doesn't always agree with Felicia and that he has his own viewpoints. In 2x07, he says Klara wasn't the one who messed up, but rather Amie and Ludde. And in 2x09, the script tells us that the Elias/Klara relationship seemed to bring more change to Elias rather than Klara.

Felicia: What did you do to him? Klara: What? Felicia: He’s smiling. Elias is like a whole new person since he met you. Klara: Stop. Felicia: I mean it!

So what made Klara change? In 1x08 she's mocking Felicia's drug problems and posts a video that will for sure ruin Amie's reputation. But at the start of season 2, she's suddenly become more withdrawn and considerate of people's feelings.

I can only name one factor that actually makes sense, and that's the fighting between her parents. Klara seems to turn into this quiet child when she has to listen to her mom and dad yelling at each other. This is something that didn't really begin until season 2, when Ola's company GECED started going under. This storyline was very well done.

But the other things, like Klara's reputation and friend group which you would assume would be affected, remain as they were in season 1.

Jack's sudden character change

Jack came into season 2 as a charming and charismatic character, seemingly fooling everybody into thinking he was a good guy. He knew the Kroon family from before and both Felicia and Elias were none the wiser when it came to the eventual reveal of his true colors.

Here's what Stefan H. Lindén had to say about the Jack character in his season 2 Q&A:

Bringing Jack in was actually originally not my idea, it came from my writer colleagues after that they revised my storyline notes for Season 2, while I was still down in Oskarshamn shooting Season 1. We had always intended for a character to come in and raise the stakes but I never imagined it to be Jack. When we started to develop the character, we all started liking him so he was kept in the story. Like with any new character we never really know who they are and what [the] point of them for coming in is [...]

Personally, I feel like the point of Jack's character is pretty obvious. When he first comes to Oskarshamn he is very much the embodiment of the new love interest coming in to date the girl who has broken up with her previous lover, while the previous lover still loves her and does anything he can to get her back although she's dating someone new. Jack is the Romantic False Lead trope who later becomes an alpha-dog Jerkass.

What I found interesting about Jack compared to Klara (in season 1) is that Jack isn't just a bad guy. He's very clever with his manipulation tactics and can easily charm people with his good looks and charisma.

When Felicia accuses Jack of cheating in 2x07, he manages to spin the whole thing around and make Felicia apologize to him and say it was stupid of her to believe he would cheat on her. I talked about this in a post while the season still aired, before Jack's true colors were revealed. Here's what I wrote:

I still don’t know if Jack really is cheating on Felicia with Olivia (the girl that texted him) but I would say he is. Jack is incredibly confident and charming, which makes him able to easily lie and manipulate people. We know he’s not an entirely good person since he’s already lied to Elias about not knowing that Mats would bring him back to Eagles. I wouldn’t be surprised if he really did hook up with Olivia and ended up being a really good liar. The fact is that not only did he deny it but he then shamed Felicia for blaming him and causing a scene, ultimately shifting the focus in the argument to her and making Felicia feel bad that she even confronted him in the first place. Jack says that maybe they shouldn’t even be together, which causes Felicia to backtrack and apologize. It’s actually pretty impressive how Jack was able to spin that around to blame Felicia and make her apologize.

Jack is able to take a small detail and use it as ammunition to get what he wants. In this situation, he brings up the girl in the Stockholm club that Felicia partied with and also kissed.

Jack: You shouldn’t accuse me, either. Felicia: What? Jack: I saw on Instagram, you and some girl in Stockholm. Have I whined about that? Coming here and blaming me for things, it feels really immature. Felicia: Fuck. Sorry, Jack.

Jack wasn't bothered by that at all. It happened before Felicia and Jack were even an official couple, and all they had done was hooking up at a party while Felicia was high. Jack, having cheated on Felicia, couldn't care less about the random girl Felicia kissed. That was just something he used to manipulate her.

When we discover that Jack is actually cheating on Felicia, he immediately reverts to a one-dimensional "evil" character. He's become the 2.0 version of Klara in season 1—written in just to stir up drama.

This "master manipulator" version of him just goes down the drain and Jack turns into a manchild who starts petty fights, files a police report because Ludde pushed him, and says to Felicia "I'm gonna tell on you!". Alright, maybe those weren't his exact words, but you know what I mean. It's a sudden shift and you start wondering how Jack was able to hide this version of himself so well before.

In 3x05, Jack sees Ludde and Andreas after a hockey game and fumbles trying to find any insult he can to hurl at Ludde. Everything he says from that point on is just line after line to really solidify that Jack is the bad guy. You didn't forget that, right? Here, let's have Jack call Felicia a druggie so you know just how shitty he is. And have him call Andreas a junkie later for good measure—there, that should be enough for people to understand that Jack is the villain here.

Jack: Johansson! Ludde: What the hell are you doing here? Jack: What does it look like? Ludde: I guess it’s you I should thank for the victory. Nice work. Jack: What is Felicia doing these days, then? Does she miss me? Ludde: Hey, you’re shutting up now, do you get it?! Jack: Jesus Christ. Do you think you can save her? What do you think she even sees in you? You two play in different leagues, Ludde. Ludde: You have no idea what we’re like. Jack: Come on! You should leave her. While you can. She’ll just pull you down into the dirt with her. You’re no hero, Ludde. Isn’t she still doing drugs? Once a druggie, always a druggie, right?

Jack is a horrible person, but at least he was able to pretend to be a good guy in season 2. And that was actually really fascinating. I wish we could've seen more of Jack's manipulative side that he showed in season 2 instead of making everything coming out of his mouth be a half-assed attempt at insulting the other person. That's a pretty boring villain, in my opinion.

Jack's backstory of his father being an alcoholic and him starting to resent the whole Kroon family because they had everything growing up while he didn't is interesting. It would've also made more sense if his anger was only directed towards the Kroon family since they're the ones he grew up with. They're the ones he was after the whole time.

His anger towards them feels cheapened when Jack also starts insulting Andreas (who he's probably never met before) for no good reason. It's like Jack's human qualities are just gone and all that's left is this empty shell made to start fights. His backstory didn't really make anybody sympathize with him, either.

The improvements of season 2

What I liked about the writing in season 2 was that they explored new ideas and had some solid storylines (besides the mess that was Amie and Ludde). Elias and Klara actually worked pretty well as a couple, even if they were pretty much the 2.0 version of Felicia/Ludde as the "wealthy, popular pretty girl starts dating the star player on the sports team".

Felicia finally gets some more depth. The scene at the end of 2x02, where Felicia and Leila park their car near the harbor and just start crying, is so powerful.

2x05 is also one of my favorite episodes of the show, as well as the ending montage of the 2x10 season finale. In Gameday, we had a very touching scene between Felicia and Mats where they finally communicate. It's not the most understanding conversation but it's a start. It's an interesting contrast between their talk in 1x06 where Felicia revealed she saw Mats cheating on Leila versus the talk they're having now.

Another one of my favorite scenes is when Felicia and Ludde meet up at their bench in 2x10 after Ludde has called her up asking Felicia to come if there's any chance of them getting back together.

The dialogue is simple and to the point. There's no long-winded love confession for the sake of drama. It's a moment that the whole season has been building up for, and when we finally get there we realize that this is how love should be.

Easy and simple.

Ludde: You came back. Felicia: Yeah, I did. Ludde: Do you remember our first date here? Felicia: No. I’ve forgotten. Ludde: I was so freaking nervous. Felicia: Everything you said… Did you mean it? Because you hurt me, Ludvig. And I… I’ve really tried to hurt you back, but… It’s not possible. I can’t… Not love you. Do you think… Do you think it can be us again? Ludde: What do you think? Felicia: I don’t want anything else.

Ludde admitting how nervous he was on their first date is sweet and shows us how much they've been through. Felicia is struggling to find the words to say and she's acknowledging how hurt she was, but still can't seem to find it in her heart to hate Ludde. It's honest.

Another plotline that I think was a little underrated in season 2 is the GECED company going bankrupt and Ola, Klara's dad, is under investigation for financial crime. This isn't a storyline you would usually see in a teen series. It's much more serious. It also gave us a really touching and poignant scene in 2x08 between Ola and Klara sitting on the floor of his office, where Klara has to comfort her father who starts crying.

Ola: When you were little you used to sit like this. On the floor, while I was working. You had your own room, but you wanted to sit with me. “Help daddy work”. Mom’s doing the right thing by leaving for a while, don’t blame her for that. Klara: What, you can’t just leave because things get a little tough. Ola: Maybe you should get away for a while too. You know, I never wanted you two to… That you… Everything’s gone. Klara: It will be fine. It will be fine. Ola: Sorry. I’m sorry.

In 2x09, Klara is at a party when she notices a bunch of missed calls from her dad. She immediately senses something is wrong and rushes home to find her dad having attempted suicide. It's executed very well and I really liked the more serious tone they went for in season 2.

It set up season 3 perfectly, which continued with the darker themes but balanced them very well with the more light-hearted moments.

Season 3: Finding one's footing

Season 3 was a highly anticipated season. I thought the season 2 finale was masterfully done and it left me wanting more. When season 1 finished on its cliffhanger of the video leaking, the focus only seemed to be on that.

But with season 2 there's Felicia/Ludde getting back together and Ludde having been sued by Jack, Jack threatening that he would leak all of the Kroon's family secrets, Klara's dad passing away, Elias deciding to get on the train and go to the draft combine anyway, Amie having finally become a recording artist but being isolated and heartbroken... There's so much to unpack, and it's a lot more interesting than the ending of season 1.

Where's Jack?

Jack is supposed to be the main villain but he's gone for most of the season, failing to show up until 3x05. In the season 2 finale Jack makes a huge deal about how he's going to destroy Felicia's life. He's threatening her in a very violent and abusive way.

Jack: [...] I know a lot about you, Felicia. And your nice family. It’s enough for me to leak to one news site. I can destroy you. Do you get it? I’ll tell them everything. The drugs, the cheating, your abortion! Felicia: Shut up! Jack: Hey. Huh? Did you seriously think I wanted to be with you? The little Kroon princess, who has gotten everything for free her whole fucking life! You and Elias! Like spoiled brats! You don’t understand what it means to fight for something!

In 2x10, Jack decides to report Ludde for assault but he doesn't follow through on destroying this family that he hates. If there's anything Jack seems to despise above all, it should be the Kroon family, right? So why did he fight back with Ludde but not the Kroon family?

I expected Jack to leak all the Kroon secrets at the beginning of season 3, but Felicia seems strangely calm at the funeral which I'm assuming only takes place two weeks or so after Ola's passing in the season 2 finale.

Then, a whole year passes with no indication that Jack is ever going to leak anything. As season 3 was airing, I commented on how strange this felt in an ask I received:

One of my main questions about the time jump is the whole thing with Jack saying he was going to ruin Felicia’s and the Kroon family’s reputation in the press. It seemed like nothing really came of that? I’m pretty sure that detail hasn’t been abandoned entirely and that Jack will come back (we’ve already seen a glimpse of him in the third episode), but it feels strange that Jack threatened to leak all her secrets and then just never did. I got the impression that Jack was a person who, when having his pride wounded, would do pretty much anything to get back at the person who insulted him. And yet there’s no mention of where Jack has been during that time or what he’s been doing. I feel like I would be pretty paranoid about this if I was Felicia, but we don’t see this haunting her until episode 3 when she sees a flash of Jack before realizing it was just some random guy. It seems strange that Felicia was relatively at ease during the funeral (which I assume took place not long after Jack first threatened her) and after the time jump. We don’t really know what’s been going on during that year, but Felicia seems to be fine and like she hasn’t had any thoughts of Jack at all. Maybe she assumed that his threats were empty and that he wouldn’t actually leak anything to the press, which is reasonable but at the same time I don’t understand why Jack has yet to do anything after a year. He was really pissed off in the season 2 finale, after all.

Going to repeat one of the things I wrote here because it deserves to be mentioned twice, and this point is one of my biggest issues.

I got the impression that Jack was a person who, when having his pride wounded, would do pretty much anything to get back at the person who insulted him.

I feel like this was kind of a plot hole that wasn't explained. Jack is ruthless and doesn't hold back at all when his true colors come out. He has no problem talking about the sexual relationship he had with Felicia in front of her father. Jack is just that horrible.

So what prevented him from ruining the Kroon family's lives earlier, when it seems to be the thing he's wanted for years?

Michael's predictable predicament

Michael first appears at the end of 3x04, where he calls Amie up to tell her he's her father.

Man: Hey! Sorry for calling so late. Is it Amie? Amie Condé? Amie: Yeah. Man: I saw you on TV the other day. I’m Michael Condé. I’m your father.

In the next episode, we get a voice-over of the continued conversation between him and Amie.

Michael: [...] I understand if it’s shocking. I’m in Oskarshamn for work for a few weeks and— Could we meet up someday?

So, it's clear what the writers are going for here. It's the estranged father who returns into the child's life when they've become successful. We're made to believe it's a Daddy Had a Good Reason for Abandoning You trope when Michael meets up with Amie and tells her why he left.

Michael: So Petra, she— Has she said anything about me? Amie: Well… That you moved from Sweden before I was born… That you’re working as a lawyer. That you didn’t want to see me. Michael: I was… I was young when we met. Your mom and I. And everything went really fast. I was in love, but she had feelings for somebody else. And when she found out that she— That she was expecting you, then… She didn’t want me there. She said I wasn’t father material. To some degree she might’ve been right, but… I wasn’t much older than you are now. I had just gotten into a law school in Berlin. When I finally came back to Sweden, then… She didn’t let me see you. I had already lost you by then, but I want you to know that I— I’ve thought of you. And about a week ago, I… I’m seeing you. On TV. There you are. With my last name. I’m so proud.

However, it's pretty easy to identify the holes in Michael's story. To be honest this whole storyline was predictable from the very start. Before Michael even came into the story, I made this post which pretty much summed up Michael's whole character when we didn't even know he existed yet (this was when 3x03 was the latest episode that had aired).

I don’t think we’ve heard any mention of Amie’s dad in the whole series except for 3x02 when Amie was being interviewed and was asked about the Condé name where she said that while Samuelsson was from her mother’s side, and Condé was from “the other side”. I found her word choice a little interesting. I don’t think Amie’s dad has passed—but rather that he’s alive and just chosen to not be a part of her life, which is why Petra seemed to be a little offended when asking Amie why she didn’t want her last name anymore. This might also be why Amie said “the other side” rather than “my dad’s side” because they have an estranged relationship. [...] I’m not really sure if they’ll do anything with Amie’s dad (maybe they’ll go for that trope where the parent who previously abandoned their child returns after the child has accomplished something big/something major happened and the parent wants something from them for personal gain?).

When we actually get to meet Michael and hear his explanation of why he left, I wrote this post pointing out some of the holes in this storyline.

Michael meeting Amie only after she’s become famous is a little suspicious, but it’s understandable if he previously thought she didn’t want to meet him and then sees her with his last name on national television. Obviously he would contact her after that. I feel like there were some question marks with Michael’s whole story though, and the fact that his work just conveniently happened to send him to Oskarshamn after he’d just seen Amie on TV. Maybe I’m missing something here, but how did he know Amie had gone back to Oskarshamn if he saw her living as a pop star in Stockholm? Was this information about Amie quitting the tour and going back to her hometown even online? If Elias (who actually witnessed Amie saying she was done and quitting) seemed taken aback when he saw Amie in Oskarshamn, then how did Michael know?

I do think Michael will return for season 4 though, so hopefully this storyline will be straightened out a little. We don't really know what Michael has been up for the past few years and if he has a family of his own. Maybe he'll contact Amie again to tell her she has some younger half-siblings?

They ended on sour terms, but if Michael does have his own family it's something Amie deserves to know and she can decide whatever she wants to do. I'd also like to see a Michael/Petra reunion, but I'm getting a little ahead of myself.

This storyline wasn't bad, and I do appreciate we got to find out what the situation with Amie's dad was. I also liked how I was able to sympathize with Michael. He's not entirely awful, even if he did put a lot of blame on Petra. It's one of those situations where you don't really know what it's like to be in Michael's position unless you've experienced it, and it's very realistic.

Plot holes

Some of the plot holes of season 3 that I've already mentioned are how Jack waited a whole year before leaking the Kroon family's secrets and how Michael conveniently knew Amie was in Oskarshamn when nobody seemed to know she was coming except her mom.

I actually don't mind that it was never explained how Michael got Amie's phone number either, because that's usually pretty easy to find with a Google search. Things like addresses, economic status, and even your criminal history are easily accessible in Sweden when googling someone's name. So finding someone's phone number is probably fairly easy as well.

On the other hand, one of the most glaring plot holes appeared in 3x08. In this episode entitled Lost, the Kroon family is frantically searching for Felicia who has gone missing. Leila and Elias knock on Petra's door to see if Amie is there and might know something about Felicia's whereabouts. Petra tells them Amie isn't there and they leave.

Someone left me an anonymous ask which I answered in this post, pointing out how it was strange that Elias didn't just call Amie to ask her when she wasn't at home. We know Elias has her number because they've been talking on the phone and texting each other several times before in the season.

In 3x08, when Elias and his mom go to Amie's house and ask Petra if Amie has seen or spoken to Felicia or whether she's home, I couldn't help but wonder, uh Elias why not just call Amie and ask her if she has seen or spoken to Felicia? [...] if Elias had called her and she heard how frightened him and his family were and police being involved she would have told him and then there would be no point in the 3x09 episode really.

This is a very strong point. You could argue that maybe Elias just didn't think of that but if they went out of their way to visit Amie's house only to not find her there, it would seem like calling her instead would just be a logical next step in the situation? Here's what I wrote in response to this ask.

This is an issue I had with 3x08 and 3x09 as well. I had a hard time actually enjoying the moment between Felicia, Klara, and Amie knowing that her family was getting increasingly worried for her and even thought for a short moment that Felicia was lying dead at the bottom of the ocean. All that could’ve been avoided. To add, it didn’t make a lot of sense to me that when Klara finally decided to call someone she called Amie instead of Elias. An ex-friend of Felicia’s instead of her brother who could’ve helped a lot more. What was Amie supposed to do when she showed up at the hotel, exactly? I know there was the thing with Klara only knowing Amie’s number off the top of her head, but there is no reason why she couldn’t have gone down to the reception while Felicia was sleeping and asked to use a computer just to get a quick message to Elias. Like, “hey, Felicia attempted something bad but she’s safe with me, we’re at this hotel in this room but she didn’t want me to call anybody, I don’t know what to do”. That would’ve been so much better than keeping quiet about the situation for nearly 24 hours. I know that Klara probably has trauma from leaving her dad at the hospital after his suicide attempt and that she probably didn’t want to go against Felicia’s wishes. I understand the first part 100%. But Felicia was in a very bad place emotionally and was thinking that her whole family hated her when that wasn’t the case. I feel like in a situation like that you kind of have to be the bad guy just to ensure the family that Felicia was safe. Even if everything turned out alright in the end, it could’ve gone so much worse if Felicia had wanted to be kept hidden for longer. [...] Elias calling Amie would’ve been an easy solution to this whole debacle but we would’ve lost the drama. It’s still somewhat of a plot hole though, like you said.

I understand it was done this way for dramatic effect, but that doesn't really patch up the plot hole.

I also found it strange how many people turned on Felicia after Jack ruined her reputation in the press. I talked about this in an ask I received.

I don’t understand why the public turned on Felicia so harshly. And Leila too, for that matter. The way Jack told the story about how these two women had things done to them should indicate that they’re not the ones to be blamed. If I read this article and found out an 18-year-old girl got pregnant by a “violent criminal” who forced her to abort and then abused her I would not be angry with the girl. I would be angry that she was physically abused and also outed on her sexuality for being bi. If I read this article and found out Leila had been cheated on by her husband repeatedly with her best friends, I wouldn’t be angry at her. I would not agree with the decision to turn to alcohol (same as Felicia turning to drugs), but I wouldn’t blame them. And I feel like a lot of people should’ve been on Leila’s side after finding out the reason why they divorced. I don’t understand why people are saying they’re disappointed in Felicia and calling her fake when she’s been through so much trauma in her life. I feel like if this actually happened in real life, all the blame would be shifted to the men because they’re the ones who—in this story—are painted as the bad guys (with the exception of Jack, considering he was anonymous).

I got another anonymous ask sent in after this, pointing out how the anger directed towards Felicia was considerably more about her drug use rather than the abuse she endured. Here was my response to that:

[...] the drug use should’ve been understandable considering the stuff Felicia had been through was also written in that article. I don’t know. I can understand people unfollowing her if they didn’t want their young children to be exposed to all the controversy, but it’s still strange that everything Felicia received was hate messages. Did everybody just skip over the part where the anonymous source stated that Felicia was violently forced to have an abortion by an ex-criminal and probably did so out of fear for her life? Yes, we know this is fake, but why didn’t anybody seem to mention this? [...] they seem to have written this storyline with the idea in mind that the public was against the whole Kroon family. Felicia got comments such as “So fucking disappointed in you and your family”, “What a nasty fucking family”, “You and your family are so fucking disgusting”. So I think Leila received plenty of hate for drinking instead of divorcing her husband sooner and basically turning a blind eye to all the problems her family went through. That’s what Jack told the press, at least. The anger seemed to be directed towards every member of the Kroon family and that didn’t make a lot of sense to me.

Again, this is something the writers did to dramatize the situation and they kind of forgot to consider that what Jack actually told the journalist wasn't as incriminating for Felicia and Leila as it were for Mats and Elias.

The magic of season 3

What season 3 really excelled in, to me, was delving into some more serious topics as well as showing the gradual development of Amie and Elias' relationship. Amie and Elias are the prime example of how a slow burn is so much better than having a couple get together too fast, like Felicia and Ludde did back in season 1.

While season 3 was still airing, I wrote a post dedicated to questions I had received about Elias and Amie. Here's one of the things I said about them:

I think Elias’ interest in her really started to grow after he saw how caring Amie was to Felicia, and later on connecting with her on how they both ended up back in Oskarshamn after following their dreams which didn’t exactly turn out the way they expected. Yes, Elias has always sort of been watching and admiring Amie from afar, but that interest didn’t start growing until he actually got to know her. The experiences they had in the US and Stockholm, respectively, probably changed their mindsets and in my opinion it makes so much more sense for them to get together now than it would’ve in season 1 or season 2.

I still believe that Elias and Amie are the best-written couple of the whole show (at least so far), because they just make sense. We'll see what season 4 has in store for them because we have yet to actually see them in a romantic relationship, but I feel like their personalities and characters just fit together really well.

Another thing I really appreciated was the depiction of Felicia and Ludde's declining relationship. Things like that happen so easily, and I liked how we see Felicia do this huge gesture of planning a picnic for Ludde in 3x04 but there were still underlying problems between them. It's like that in real life too—no matter how big of a romantic gesture you make, communication will always be the number one priority in any relationship and that's where Felicia and Ludde fall short.

The obvious disconnect between them when it comes to money is also important. It's been like this from the beginning, but season 3 gave us an actual conversation about it.

Felicia: Please, I can’t talk about this. Seriously. It was stupid of me to bring this up from the beginning. Fuck, I get such anxiety talking about the future— Ludde: You get anxiety? I’m the one walking around with no money in my account. Mom and dad had to get a loan to pay off mine and Andreas’ fines. I’m playing on a shitty old synth, and living off you like some leech. That’s anxiety. Felicia: Everything isn’t about money. Ludde: Says the one who has money. Felicia: Move out then, if it’s so fucking hard to feel like a leech.

This felt very realistic. Of course a person like Felicia wouldn't think money is everything when she's never experienced financial issues. She's able to move out into her own one-bedroom apartment as soon as she's turned 18, it seems, and doesn't worry at all about the cost of furnishing and decorating it. She didn't even pay for it herself, because Mats mentions he's the one on the mortgage loan. It seems like Felicia has never had an actual job either, and that's starting to worry her because she has no idea what she should be doing.

Felicia: [...] I don’t know what I’ll be or what I’ll do in the future. I don’t know that. Ludde: You’re still an influencer— Felicia: Don’t say I’m an influencer, please. Do you think I want to be that my whole life? It’s not even a career. I'm— I’m graduating next year, and I… My grades suck, and— I have no plan. I only have you. Not like that—I have you. That’s what I have. I want to be here, in Oskarshamn. I don’t want to go to the US and chase some dream and be a hockey wife. That’s not a life. Sometimes I wish neither of us had a plan, just us together here.

Felicia's character finally offers something interesting here, which I've waited for since season 1. She's not just a party girl anymore who has issues with drugs. She's a privileged teenager who is co-dependent on the guys she meets and who has anxiety about the future, to the point where she wishes she could stay in Oskarshamn in her little apartment forever stuck in limbo.

She has to face a harsh reality when Ludde decides to break up with her, and later on when her name is slandered in the press and people all over the country are sending her hate messages. Her own family is furious with her and Felicia has nobody. She's pushed away a lot of people and her mental state is just crumbling in front of our eyes.

It's a strong storyline and actually very well executed. Almost everything gets taken away from her, and at the end of 3x07 you can almost feel what Felicia is feeling. We've been with her through this whole journey, almost, and we understand why she feels like suicide is the only answer.

It's tough to watch that final scene of 3x07. It's greatly amplified by Alva Bratt's superb acting, but the writing of the journey there is also amazing. It's very difficult to write a sensitive storyline like this.

Overall, I don't have a lot of critique towards season 3. I loved most of the episodes. I elaborated on this further in a separate post:

[Episodes 3x04 and 3x05] showcased what Eagles should be all about so well, which is relationships plus the struggles you go through as a teenager in a small town, and then of course hockey. The hockey game episodes are really good, even if I don’t think 3x05 topped 2x05 (the game where Ludde got tackled and knocked out). I loved the contrast in Date night of the budding relationship between Elias and Amie and then that fight between Felicia and Ludde on the cliff. [...] It was interesting to see how this sweet gesture from Felicia turned into a fight between the two of them. I thought that was very realistic, because no matter how big of a gesture Felicia made to apologize there were still underlying problems that they needed to talk about. I also loved the “non-date” between Elias and Amie in this episode. It was cute to see them goofing off before the movie started and then talking about it on the way home. I liked how Elias could connect to her on how they had both returned to Oskarshamn. The recent episodes that dropped last week (3x08 and 3x09) were very strong and discussed some important subject matters [...] They were dark, but not necessarily bad because they needed to happen. However, I have to say that I prefer Eagles when it’s about hockey and teenage relationships. 3x04 and 3x05 made me kind of nostalgic for season 1 and I liked the vibe they both had.

Eagles season 3 is in my opinion the best season of the show so far, and we haven't seen any signs suggesting that there is any reason for season 4 to not be even better.

Season 4: Hopes and wishes

Considering how each season has been increasing in quality bit by bit, I have pretty high hopes for the writing in season 4. I'm excited to see how the transition from teenager to young adult will be portrayed in the main characters, and what their future will hold for them after they've graduated.

My main questions are if Felicia and Ludde will find their way back to each other or if they'll remain broken up (that would be realistic as well), if Klara will reconcile with her mom, what's in store for Elias's hockey career, and if Amie will leave her label and maybe opt for something more independent.

I also want to see how Felicia deals with the new home she's checked in to, and if Ludde will in fact go to the school now that it seems Andreas will be getting into trouble again.

Amie and Klara are kind of wild cards here, because it somewhat feels like they've already reached their happy endings. Amie is famous and successful in her pop music career, and Klara has found her place as a businesswoman following in her father's footsteps. Maybe these developments should've come in season 4 instead of rushing them.

Nonetheless, I have faith in the writers. The writing suffered a little in seasons 1 and 2 but it has gotten better. Most of the things I pointed out about season 3 were just small details in an otherwise stellar season.

In conclusion...

This post was critical, but I tend to be critical of every show I watch. Eagles is still a very special show for me and having grown up in a Swedish small town myself I'm very fond of the show and its characters.

So huge thanks to the creator, Stefan H. Lindén, for making this show a reality and also to the director Carl-Petter Montell for contributing to the writing in season 3. And of course the writers of the show which include Michaela Hamilton, Fanny Ekstrand, and Anton Nyberg (plus Amanda Adolfsson who helped write 1x02 and 1x05 and Simon Ekbäck Nordström who is credited for helping with the hockey scenes in 3x05).

I hope you guys enjoyed this long, long post and major kudos to you if you read this far!

[illicitivywp]

mal de vivre.

The morning that Harry wakes up and you're not sleeping peacefully beside him is the worst of his entire life.

He can sense that you're not there. The air still circulates whiffs of your caramel shampoo and the breeze of your automatic fan that you always insist on leaving on all night still whirs leisurely and tickles the back of his neck.

Regardless, the room is vacant. He doesn't have to open his eyes to know that much.

For now, he remains entirely numb. Immune to the flooding sobs and intolerable agony and festering anger, he supposes it's in his best interest to stay like that for a while.

For a few days, at least. Until he can fully process your absence. He's not certain how long it takes the average person to wholly recognise an entire chunk of themselves missing, but he figures he's already suffered enough.

Surely, the universe isn't that cruel.

Your love is delightedly grand, and with its sudden unavailability, he feels so dejectedly vague.

He's clearly not perceiving time correctly, perhaps it's his distant concentration or maybe even his body's method of rejecting life and the wretched torture of its innate malice.

A few times, he's experienced sleep paralysis. The first, horrifying occasion is long-forgotten, when he was seven or so - it happened only after staying up until one in the morning to watch a horror movie that he'd been specifically warned not to watch and a towering vacuum of danger stood solid as stone at the end of his bed.

If it weren't for his fingertips subconsciously tracing featherlight scribes of your name on his forearm, he might reasonably assume he's haunted with the condition once again.

A clattering of paws on hard floorboards injects a little more reality into his thoughts, and he still can't bear, physically, to turn over and greet the sweet puppy you'd snuck home and surprised him with upon his arrival home from work around a year ago, knowing that his acceptance of a familiarly-shaped void is waiting just inches away.

Eventually, and after another chaotic scramble of claws in need of a cut, Chi is bouncing enthusiastically at his side and attempting an ambitious leap onto the mattress. She fails theatrically, landing in a resounding thud on her back and launching back to her feet, completely unaware of her owner's awaiting grief.

Masking his greatest fears with scooping a palm beneath Chi's belly and hauling her upwards to nestle into his chest, the reposition forces him to lay on his back (she's always detested laying on her side, especially when smothered with adoring cuddles) and, like the coward he truly is, his eyes focus adamantly on a random spot of the pale ceiling. With every minute shuffle, it becomes more and more achingly apparent that you're really not here.

And if everything runs correctly, you'll squirm and giggle graciously at his waking before returning his kiss, to his lips, this time, and he'll suggest applying a little moisturiser, like he always does, and you'll love him like you should.

When his eyelids snap open and his head curves breezily to your claimed side of the bed, he's somewhat unsurprised to confirm that his life truly has transformed to a dreadful bundle of tragedy. In your imposing place, is a neatly-made bed and an envelope.

A single, white envelope, stained by the sweet, flowing cursive that could flow only from your touch.

Chi leaps naturally to the spectacle, sniffing curiously at the letter and nudging it around a little, whilst Harry is so unexplainably pained that he's unable to move. Swallowing thickly, he's not certain word-for-word what lies in the confines of this envelope, but he does know it'll confirm your leaving him, and for some strange reason, he's relieved you left an explanation, at least.

A souvenir of you to hang onto forever, along with the millions of other items and memories of yours in his possession.

Carefully removing it from Chi's vicinity and replacing the object of her attention with a random squeaky toy that he'd discovered burrowed beneath his bed a few nights ago, he traces your exquisite handwriting with his fingertip and reads along with inaudible movements of his mouth; For Harry, mon amour.

In that moment, he realises profoundly that he'll never get to request hearing you say different words in your accent again.

The amount of times he implored relentlessly to hear je t'aime and have it accompanied with an endearing kiss is infinite.

Harry, my love,

I'm so incredibly sorry that I couldn't handle the pain.

Seeing your face cures any anguish I feel, but not this time.

I really, really tried; I know you did, too. I wanted it to work out, I prayed every day that our suffering would magically end and we could return to our love, I hoped that one day I would wake and cuddle you tightly and describe this awful nightmare I'd had.

Possibly, I may write to you in the future; please, don't try to contact me, it won't work and you know it's for the best. My family and close friends know where I am, where I will be, and they also know not to tell you if you ask.

I wish I could kiss all of your heartache away and protect you from all evil in this world, but I feel my presence is detrimental to your recovery.

My love for you is never-ending. Please be okay.

Forgive me and love someone else like you loved me. Let someone else love you like I loved you. Tellement, tellement.

Forever, I'll think of you and how unbelievably content I felt waking up next to you every day for seven-hundred and eighty (? - I'm estimating) mornings straight.

I will never, ever leave our love behind, and I adore you more than I can express. Your strength and resilience are admirable, and you are truly the best thing to ever happen to me.

Mon bébé, I miss you terribly.

Toujours, ton amour.

~

Chi tugs eagerly on her lead at the sight of the familiar entrance to her home, Harry in tow right behind. Sludgy snow muddies his shoes and soaks the hem of his jeans. His puppy's paws are undoubtedly drenched, too, but her fur is protected valiantly by her favourite jacket. He'd purchased it from a specialist store in France a year prior, and, since surprising her with the present upon his shared return, it'd become her primary option during the winter months.

Retrieving a reasonable pile of letters from his designated section, a rapid flick through displays bills, scams and all of the usual junk he usually receives. He offers his elderly neighbour a polite smile and holds open the door with his knee to construct a clear path for her exit.

He grimaces slightly at the teeth-shaped arc of damp dents into his mail - he hadn't particularly considered the repercussions of carrying it that way - and unclips Chi's lead, allowing her to run rampage through his airy apartment. Absently dropping his keys into its small dish of residence and taking a closer inspection at his post to infiltrate any wrong addresses or scams, he selects an apple from his fruit bowl and steals one firm chunk before noticing something peculiar.

Groomed eyebrows knitting together in confusion, he plucks one particular letter from the bunch and stacks it to the top. Perplexed by the sorely familiar curve of the writing scrawled on the front, his head shakes in denial - you wouldn't have, surely.

Discarding of all other mail on his kitchen counter, he's puzzled beyond belief; you'd left with no verbal warning and a letter that, admittedly, had been the source of several bouts of severe depression and, in spite of its awful affects, read dutifully every single day since your disappearance.

Rashly, he wishes you hadn't changed your phone number and email address shortly before leaving so he could possibly contact you regarding this mystery. However, he knows just as well as you clearly foresaw; his topic of discussion wouldn't be only the letter.

Tearing open the corner cautiously, he's incredibly delicate with checking inside the envelope once open to ensure it contains only his presumed note. Reviewing the front with a scouring gaze of disbelief, it really, truly has come from you.

He can't remember how many times he read each postcard that you'd gifted him with at the very beginning of your relationship. You'd recently made the permanent move from France to England, and, in a new country with limited knowledge of the native language, Harry had unintentionally become your beacon of comfort here.

With his fluent French and English, he was the perfect contender for kindly correcting your terminology and educating you on the essential etiquettes of Britain. Within weeks, however, your sweet smile had changed from an enjoyable sight during your frequent coffee shop meetings to something he craved.

He misses reading your silly, awful puns based around your home country, especially his favourite. A laughably unfunny joke paired with a matching scribble of the two of you; what do french fries do when they meet? They ketchup!

Harry,

I feel awful for waiting so long to speak to you again.

Your voice and your hugs. I've imagined them every single day.

I miss my Chi. How is she? I hope she's not missing her maman. Give her a kiss from me.

And the biggest kiss to yourself, because you deserve it, mon tout.

I'm inexplicably sorry for leaving so abruptly; I just couldn't take much more. The reminders were too much. Seeing your inconsolable pain every day was too much.

I'm so, so selfish, but I still believe allowing you to heal without my troubles was the best and easiest path for both of us.

I'm sure you noticed, but I may have stolen one of our pictures. It was your favourite, and that's why I had to choose that one, I suppose. Horrible, again.

I miss your dimples (and irritating you by poking them all the time). I miss your lips, they were so soft. No wonder you always bossed me around with the lip balm - I have my own now, I take it everywhere with me.

It smells like caramel.

Most of all, I miss your love. I've never known someone to love like you do. You were, are, and always will be, incredible.

Have you found someone to love yet?

Do you still think about me? If yes, please don't.

It's not fair of me to appear out of nowhere like this and not allow you a chance to reply. If you wish, post your letter to my maman's house - I'm not there, just to crush any other hope you have, but I'll receive it.

I'll be sorry forever, mon amour.

Sois gentil avec toi-même.

Câlins pour toujours, your baby.

~

Auriele,

I'm so thankful you decided to reach out again. I've missed you. Tellement, tellement.

Chi is brilliant, still eating everything and constantly in need of a haircut. She does miss you.

My hurt is still prevalent, I've accepted that it always will be. I truly don't believe it can be fixed again, but I'm still trying.

I spent the two weeks after your leaving searching for every single picture in existence of us. I cried so many times, I wish I could tell you that I'm wholly recovered and that you're fully forgiven, but I can't.

I think I counted them all. It's either three-hundred and seventy-seven or one-thousand, one-hundred and two (I have two sticky notes labelled pictures, I'm not sure which is correct.)

No one could ever love me like you do, tu es le meilleur.

I suppose that answers both of your questions.

Thank you for the chance to respond. I was incredibly confused when I received your thoughtful letter. I'm assuming by this one's destination being your maman's house, you're in France? You don't have to answer that. I would understand.

Mon bébé chéri, je t'aime.

Harry x

~

Harry,

It was the least I could do. I hurt you doubly and you never deserved that.

Tell her I love her. Buy her an ice cream for me (note the two dollars also enclosed in this envelope!)

There aren't enough apologies in the world to properly cover the extent of my mistakes, but I'll continue gathering as many as I can. And send them straight to you.

I also wish you could truthfully claim that you're okay, and I hope, with time, that you will be. It's all you ever deserved, mon chéri. You don't ever have to forgive me. I understand entirely if you hate me.

I wouldn't be surprised if those numbers were both low counts. I loved your face, as superficial as it sounds, but it truly was prettier than anything, and my favourite thing was always surrounding myself with it. Aussi longtemps que je pouvais.

My baby, I only tried my hardest to love you, and I sincerely hope I haven't ruined your idea of love so much that I'm your standard. Please, travel, find people to connect with, fall in love with a place, if not a person.

I bet Chi would love Spain. Australia, maybe? Thailand? Your choice entirely. You always were smarter than me (i.e. I left you - doesn't get much dumber.)

I am in France, feel free to ask any question you want about my current life if you decide to write back - you really don't have to. It's okay. You're still perfect.

Just not my address. It's so selfish of me to hide away from you when you're the one who deserves closure, but I'm not ready to share that information. Again, I'm sorry, and I hope you understand.

Tu me manques. Tu me manques ma maman et mon père. Tu me manques au cœur.

All my love, Auriele x

~

Every day, his thoughts are plagued with ideas of how to write his next letter. Your previous few communications ran smoothly; you seem incredibly apologetic and, as much as he would've gladly ignored the past tense use of 'love' in your most recent letter, he can't help but realise the difference from your first each time he reads it.

He's not certain why his first letter practically poured from his pen and before he knew it, it was sealed, posted and received. This time, however, he can't even construct a way to greet you.

Has distance and time really weakened your connection that much? His favourite childhood Disney movies would be ashamed.

The heartache you've endured together is insufferable, the bitterness remaining fresh and the misery continuing to roll onwards with him, and yet, you're both still alive. Perhaps, he should be a little more thankful.

He's tested out various support groups over the past few months; they appear to help in the moment, but once he returns home to a completely empty house, - aside from Chi - he realises all of his progress to be entirely fake.

How can he realistically recover from his insurmountable loss in solitude?

An apartment which used to breathe vibrant life and excitement for the future, diminished to nothing but silence.

He might as well have lost his house, too. Every second he spends there, surrounded by reminders of his grief, is draining. Of course, if he were a millionaire, he would've discovered a lovely, one bed flat with wide, open floors and windows. If he were a millionaire, though, maybe none of this agony would've ever happened.

He could’ve fixed it.

Regardless, he didn't, and now he returns home every single day, monotonous and finding solace only in rereading your letters and running through his local park with Chi, no matter the weather.

Sometimes, he hears the faint echo of your melodious voice ringing in his ear; mon doux bébé. For a moment, he believes you may be talking to him, but with a resounding giggle of contentment, you never were.

Within a month, he lost both of his sweet baby girls, and the pain is simply too much to comprehend.

Elle, mon cœur,

Firstly, I apologize for my late reply. This letter was, for some reason, incredibly difficult to write.

You hurt me never. Life hurt me, and it hurt you, too, and I'm sorry it's so cruel.

Chi adored her ice cream - vanilla, your favourite - and said thanks! (complimentary picture attached, for you).

Sympathy and apologies aren't a cure. I've received enough of them to know. I hope you have, too. We might not accept it and it might not heal our pain, but it is nice to know you have people by your side.

Mon amour, I would/could never come close to hatred for you. You are my entire heart, and you own everything within it.

I hope, one day, I can forgive you. I hope you can forgive me. We both made mistakes. We're both accountable, and so is fate. Unfortunately, it wasn't on our side, and we have to welcome that.

Your face is certainly Top Five list of physical attributes, which goes as followed:

1. your lips. I know I complained about them being dry all the time, but I miss them, still.

2. your eyes. Somewhere between the ocean and a cottage filled with flowers, they were paradise.

3. your thighs. I am a man - a broken one, but a man nonetheless - and they are certainly the most family-friendly feature I could think of.

4. your smile. Even on my darkest days, your smile was heaven. I hope you're smiling right now. I wish I could see it.

5. your face? All of the above and everything else. Was that cheating?

I wish I could leave here. I wish I could find a small, tropic island where Chi and I can get tipsy on Virgin Mary's and surf all day, but I feel it wouldn't be fair for both of us to run.

Although, Chi would certainly have a great time in Thailand. She told me so.

Did I mention she misses you? We miss you.

I have more questions than you can imagine. This is only my second letter, however, so I suppose I'll stick to three for now, (sorry for all the lists!)

How are you? Mentally? Physically?

Have you made new friends whilst you've been out there?

Would you ever visit London again?

I miss you forever.

Ton bébé.

Harry x

~

Harry,

It's more tough to write my letters than you might assume. No need to apologise, I understand.

Life is shit. I thought I had accepted that. I never imagined how evil it could be.

Chi, my baby, looks so pretty. I love her haircut (number 8694743? out of infinite).

I have heard my fair share of sympathy. At first, I felt bitter. They didn't understand what I had suffered, they didn't understand the pain I felt. With time, I realised that, sometimes, sorry is all you need to hear to feel a little better. To feel like you're managing life, at least.

I wish I could believe I deserve it, but I truly don't.

My mistakes seem perpetual. I'm constantly remembering new ones. Things I could've noticed faster, signs that I should've recognised. Yours are nothing. You made no mistakes, mon amour, please believe that. As much as fate has been my least favourite higher power for the past year, I agree about welcoming our own.

I would make a list of my personal favourites of your appearance, but I'd be here all day, and I'm meeting with a friend in an hour (your second question - check).

It wasn't fair for either of us to run. I think it's turned out for the best, however.

I can imagine Chi passed out on the beach. You both deserve a holiday. Go to Scotland, or something, at least. Just away from London.

I miss you both. Much more than I can express.

I'm well. Mentally; it's a struggle, but that's just life, I suppose. Physically; my sickness stopped a while ago. I hope your headaches did, too, but I've been searching for cures for those for a long time.

Yes! I've made quite a few close friends. They all know and love you. I'll tell them you asked.

London holds far too many memories for me to bear. You're the only one I can stand. Maybe one day.

Tellement de câlins.

Auriele.

~

The second your letter arrives and is read fully three times over, Harry's scrambling to collect his fancy paper and ink pen, thousands of ideas about how to reply brimming in his head.

Pen to paper, however, his mind is entirely blank.

You're inching closer to addressing the subject of your pain, and so is he. So far, the only discussions you've had regarding that difficult topic have ended either in awful arguments or uncontrollable, endless crying and they all occurred before your disappearance.

Since then, you've had ten months and seventeen days shared to mature from and process the situation. Perhaps, if you were to have a conversation about it now, it would be beneficial.

Harry is aware of the solution to his strange writer's block and urges to attempt to fix your hurt, but he's not quite sure if he's ready. Physically forcing himself up from his cluttered desk, he tries not to think of the main event when changing his sloppy t-shirt and joggers to jeans and a jumper; it's February, so the wind is still well and alive but, luckily for Chi and the duration of her walks, the temperatures are beginning to rise.

His destination is barely a thirty minute leisurely stroll through the city away, and he feels shameful to admit that this is his first visit in ten and a half months. Several times, he's gathered his courage to stand on the pavement, surveying the vast area but never making it closer than the protective fences.

This time, though, he's determined to make it. And he will, with je t'aime's and sweet giggles bubbling in his ears.

Your je t'aime's and her sweet giggles.

Auriele,

Life will continue to surprise us. It may be malicious, but it's also given me you, so I guess there are a few reasons to be grateful.

I think it's more like *8694744 out of infinite, and I'm sure she'll have many more unpleasant trips to the groomers in the future.

You are handling life impeccably, considering all. You deserve showers of recognition for just being here.

No one has ever been more deserving of my love, and no one ever will.

Please, don't blame yourself entirely. Yes, there were signs. Signs that we both should've seen earlier. We knew as much as everyone else. We can't know if things would be different if we'd noticed them, because they're not.

I'm glad you're enjoying life in France. Is it peaceful? Is it too far to ask if you're living with one of your new friends? What're their names, if you don't mind my asking?

If I were to go on holiday right now, Paris would be my first choice.

I'm glad you're feeling better, I hope you continue to improve mentally in the future. I wish you nothing but true happiness.

If you're ever here, I'd be honoured to see you again.

This might surprise you. Before I wrote this letter, I went to visit her.

I haven't since we were there together.

I talked to her for hours about my life and my pain and your letters and your pain and anything I'd love to say to you if I knew how. Meline always was the best listener, no offence to you. She just understands.

I miss her. I miss you. I miss my babies.

Please, send me a picture of you (always topping lists) in your next letter. I need to see you now. I bet you're glowing.

Toujours, Harry x

~

Harry, mon amour,

I feel as if I should address the end of your letter first, because I certainly wasn't expecting it. I cried a lot. I'm still crying as I write this.

It feels nice to feel.

I've been so numb to it all. I know I should sob every day, think of her every single second. I don't. That may make me an awful person, but I always preferred not to lie. Especially to you. I don't think the gravity has quite hit me yet.

Back to the normal, top to bottom of your letter.

My family is a gift. My parents, you and Meline, specifically. I've never admired anyone more.

I miss Chi. Especially today, for some reason. Send more pictures of her when you next write. (I enclosed an updated picture of me in town, if you hadn't noticed! It was taken last week.)

I had concerns. Concerns that I didn't follow up on. We knew something was wrong, but we did everything we could, right? We found help. We found medicine. Why didn't it work?

How fucking cruel can life possibly be?

It's much quieter than London. The air quality is visibly better. I am, actually. My closest friends are Leon and Aline. I'm living with them!

Paris is about as good a holiday as you can get. If I'm ever near you, whatever country it happens to be in, I'll be sure to see you.

The last part of your letter. I already touched upon it but not nearly enough.

I haven't said, heard or read her name in eleven months. I miss it. I miss your voice. And her laughs. She was so, so lively and enthusiastic for life.

It's so unfair that she didn't get the chance.

And I agree; she always was a fantastic listener. I told her about our issues more than I should've.

I wish I could hear her again. Her name wasn't Meline Risette Styles for nothing. Her laughs were so pretty. I could've listened on repeat.

I did. For a year.

I miss her.

I miss you. I miss your warmth. I miss your heart and your love and your smile and everything about you.

I miss normality.

When we thought things would be okay.

We were wrong, and hindsight, that's okay, too.

We will heal eventually, I trust that life can't take much more away from me.

Tout mon amour, Auriele x

~

Since that day, Harry's visited Meline every Sunday without fail - it's only been three weeks, but going in the first place was an unimaginable step.

He even combined Chi's walk with the most recent, and each time, entering, staying at and emerging from the cemetery becomes easier.

The first time, he paced through the gates several times before building the bravery to even step inside without running back. His flight or fight instinct had been touchy the whole time, bias towards flight the entire time.

He just wanted to be as far away from the source of his pain as possible.

At the same time, he just wanted his daughter back. Alive and healthy.

Once he'd settled, laid on the ground like a madman next to her grave, he never wanted to leave her again. He even brought her flowers and a little teddy bear from a shop he'd passed on his hurried journey there.

It was well and truly dark by the time he even considered returning home, because he'd rather be with his sweet baby than alone at home.

Now, Chi sniffs inquisitively around at the bundles of flowers placed on surrounding graves whilst Harry converses with his dead child's grave like she was as animated and eager as he remembered.

It's a little questionable for his sanity, but extremely helpful for his own mental health. And he's trying to fix them both.

He just wishes so much that he'd pushed for more tests in the hospital. If he could, he'd reject their diagnosis and prescription of heart medication and an inhaler for when her asthma flared up.

They claimed she had a weakened respiratory system and, subsequently, her heart didn't deal well under stress, mostly due to her premature birth.

They were correct.

However, they were entirely wrong when they sent you all home with a tub of medicine and advice to lower any potential stressors around her.

Harry remembers scoffing to himself; she was one, what could possibly be stressing her that much?

Apparently, a lot of things.

Your je t'aime's and her sweet giggles.

There's truly nothing better.

Auriele,

I understand completely about any emotion feeling refreshing. For a while, I felt immune to it. I cried and I got angry, but nothing ever really set in.

I'm thankful that I can feel now and it doesn't destroy me.

You're not at all a bad person, or a bad parent. Often, I wish I could forget about her. And not just to remove the pain for a day or two. Also, I appreciate the honesty.

Important things must be talked about first. And while this paragraph isn't quite at the top of my letter, it certainly is my most admiritive.

You're so, so unbelievably beautiful. Even more so, now.

Your eyes are still paradise. That picture is stuck onto the cork board in the kitchen forever.

We did absolutely everything in our power to help our baby. As soon as we noticed an issue, we took her to the hospital. Maybe they accidentally underestimated her condition, maybe they just assumed it'd be treated with that medication.

Either way, we helped her as much as we could. And you were, are, and always will be the most incredible mother.

Meline was lucky, truly. She loved you so much.

As it turns out, life can be our greatest enemy. It's difficult to control and even harder to accept, but everything happens for a reason, I suppose.

Leon and Aline sound wonderful. I know it's not my place, but tell them I said thank you for being there for you? You don't have to.

I've never known someone deserve a full, healthy life more than our sweet girl, and it's an injustice to steal that opportunity from her at such a young age.

She would've been two next week. I'm sure you don't need reminding, but I'm still trying to handle my feelings about it. I already know her birthday is going to be the worst day since she died.

Meline Risette Styles deserves the world, as do you. Please don't be afraid to take it. You've earned it.

Her name still brings me so much joy; little honey, pleasant little laugh. It was such an apt description, in her short life.

Life can always take more, but it gives things that are so wonderful. Sois optimiste.

Tout mon amour et câlins, Harry x

wattpad:

[kimikotsuki]

Fandom discourse and culture has changed a lot over the years and I always try to err on the side of caution whenever possible.

The reasons writers create and share their work are varied and diverse: maybe they're trying to improve their writing and welcome advice, sometimes it's all about the ~ S Q U E E ~ because you loved the show/character and wants them in more situations, sometimes the reason is the ~ R A G E ~ about the direction canon took and you plan to murder it and use it's blood to re-write the story; this is more an illustrative than exhaustive list and sometimes there'll even be multiple reasons at once of course.

And sometimes, those reasons do not match or go well with any type of criticism, even well intentioned, constructive ones.

I saw an post on Tumblr that ilustrated very well another reason why one shouldn't simply assume that con-crit is welcome: if you go watch an amateur performance (in the most literal sense of the word of non-remunarated, regardless of quality of performance), one won't immediately presume afterwards to go to the artist and start critiquing it.

At the same time, I wholeheartedly think that one of the most wonderful, unique possibilities of fandom is the capacity for collaborative work between the authors of a story that is being posted as it's written and it's readers, culminating in an end product with quality that ends up being more refined than otherwise it would've been.

That type of interaction is even sometimes one of the main reasons people write fics, to not only create something, but also to share the act of that creation.

That works almost like making all the readers of a fic into beta-readers and can be a wonderful thing, but the post argued that the work done by betas is analogous to editing in published works, and that such a relationship is based on built trust, so while yeah, that dynamic between writer and all their readers could work, assuming and simply barging in is generally more harmful than productive.

When I adopted that new reasoning, I debated whether or not I should then mark all my bookmarks on AO3 as Private and make them inaccessible to anyone else, but in the end opted not to, mainly because even though I mainly write them for my future self, I also feel other readers can benefit a lot from knowing how the experience of someone who liked a work enough to rec it went, specially if while reading that fic they stumbled upon things they didn't like.

If there's one thing I learned from over 15 years of reading fics is that my tastes change over the years, and sometimes it's not even about the quality of the writing itself or even the progression of how polemic subjects are treated at any given time, but rather the moment that I am in changes how I receive the same work, such that tagging a certain work as one worth reading again later with no contextual information on the vibe I was riding when I did that will inevitably lead to a disappointment that is frankly an overreaction on my part.

That happened somewhat recently with a Frostiron fic I read a long time ago, in a moment where I was squeeing like crazy over the pairing (and it was a work of squee, so we matched really well) and it got on my list, but years later, when I was feeling nostalgic over the pairing and went to read my list of besties, the expectation I had was so great that the dichotomy between my experience back then and the one in the re-read were terribly big, even though it was a well written fic, squee and all, and the only real difference was that *I* wasn't squeeing over the pairing anymore.

And at the same time, I found that, in a way, this managing of expectations I do primarily for myself when I create a rec with the bad points of a fic that I loved can also be helpful for others, because even if it doesn't fit 100% since we're different people, I always thought the best recs I've always found were the ones that stated what were the cons of any given story, because those cons might not be something that bothered me like it bothered them or it even might end up being somewhat bothersome to me, but the pros outweigh them and, because I went in expecting to find those things, there's no disappointment in it, so they end up bothering me a lot less then it could've.

The other reason I eventually settled on not making my bookmarks private was actually because of those authors that seek improvement and welcome constructive criticism from all the readers who are invested in their story and value their thoughts and experiences while reading their work, because while yes, better to err on the side of caution and not go offering advice and opinions were those are not wanted, if we let that completely rule everything we do in fandom there will be a lot of loss in regards of this constructive, dynamic and interactive aspect so characteristic and wonderful to this type of media.

I know authors can have access to the bookmarks made of their fics, but unlike comments, it's not quite a space exclusively dedicated to them or even for interactions between reader/author.

In a lot of aspects, I'd even go as far as saying it's a space primarily for readers: it's not something that will culminate in a email sent to the author's mailbox, it serves mostly for filtering and ordering purposes (like when you're looking for fics to read and apply a filter to show only fics with a certain number of bookmarks or to order the fics shown from the greater to the least number of bookmarks) and also so readers can, reading these bookmarks, have a better idea on what's to expect from a work from different readers with different personalities and world views and ways to pereceive what was written.

And since it's a space the author *can* have access to *if* they want, it's possible for them to look at that place to see that con-crit while, at the same time, not being a place where that con-crit will get shoved in their faces if they *don't want it* and as such it seemed to me to be an overall respectfull and good compromise between those two points that seemed very important to me, and one of the only way I've found of making it known if that type of interaction is welcome, I'd be happy to head over to their comments and talk there.

If I'm marking it as a rec and commenting, I'm doing it because I think that fic absolutely is one of the best stories that I had the pleasure to read; however, the number of characters allowed in a bookmark rec are limited, so if I end up putting into it anything besides an incoherent keyboard smash, those things are going to be whatever points I feel are very important to keep in mind whenever starting to read it so that reading experience is the most enjoyable possible both for my future self who's going to look at that besties list and decide on what to read again as well as first time readers who might have seen the rec and will go in knowing somethings that, by their nature, don't tend to be things we tag for; they will have mostly what amounts to con-crit, so if you welcome this type of interaction or if the rec I made is bothering you in anyway, I urge you to get in contact with me through the fic mail I linked in my AO3 profile.

This post is getting linked there because the profile section doesn't allow enough characters for everything that I had to say about the subject.

As soon as I see the email, I'll either be happy to either tag the bookmark as Private so it won't be visible to anyone but myself if it bothered you or head over to your comments section so we can talk better about the points I raised if this type of interaction is something you welcome.

[dreamescapeswriting]

the ask from that anon is in no way helpful or constructive, i think they need to take a hard look at what offering constructive criticism actually involves. you may be going through a writing slump right now but if that anon actually cared they would offer advice or a way for you to get through it rather than just pointing out how they no longer enjoy your work and making you feel worse about something you were already aware of.

you're doing a great job, for what it's worth. thank you for all the content you give us at such high quality. you will get through this slump and find enjoyment in what you do again. taking a break might help, self care definitely helps. starting a new project of something you actually want to write rather than taking requests might rekindle your motivation too. just a few ideas.

you're awesome, we love you

Again I really don't want my answer to this ask to be taken out of context but I agree with you. I really wished I could have gotten constructive criticism so that way I could learn where I may have gone wrong.

Honestly, since - I want to say Friday - I feel a lot better with my writing. I took a small break and I felt better. I'd been having a shitty week with personal issues and then my writing slump sort of knocked it out of me.

I know now that I can take breaks when I'm feeling in a slump, I know some of you won't mind if I take some time off and decide that I need some time to let my brain rest before I come back. I'm going to work harder in the future to make sure that I do this. That I'm taking time to let my mind heal and recharge after writing and I promise to work on bettering myself.

I've finished my to do list so I am taking a much needed break from writing and posting like I do every time I finish requests. Just letting my mind relax (and maybe get involved in far too many games on my PC and switch) hehe

Thank you so much for this, I love you! This really helped me this morning as I was still feeling super unsure on things. So thank you !

[hybrid-lion]

*lights cigarette and sips tea like Kermit the frog while wearing green*

File under: wyldling stuff

OR

 "You do not want to sell me death sticks… You want to text me and have me do your dishes and sleep on the floor and make art with you.*

 ~Obi Wan

  So let's see…

 I'm about 2 months in now to this foray, it's actually genuinely nice out today despite the cloud cover (I grew up in NE so I enjoy grayish days all the same); I live for both sunny days and can be happy in the rain, but prefer not sleeping in the elements considering what I'm working with (as romantic of an idea it seems).

  This is very much well known of me—

 Oof that hibiscus tea hits just right though..

 That hibiscus tea though..

 Let's see, was able to consolidate the backpack we're still rocking with the 60 ltr. bag and thanks to the organization and efforts of giving people that showed up for us at St. Paul's here  in the community I was able to get a couple things (A ground pad that I might not actually need ((  I might be able to give that to somebody and pay that forward, got a sleeping bag, etc), some utilities. You know how that goes.

 The past two months have been working with the land, cleaning up around town, reaffirming my lessons and send eof value of my self, holding people accountable and choosing where I place my time and energy.

 The folks who organize the cold weather shelter on South Main deserve all the praise, as well as the folx down at the Friendly Kitchen for coming in clutch with regular warm meals. I've dropped some weight out here that I was hoping to keep on walking around but am strong like a taxidermied pachyderm again.

 I've mostly been aiming to get out of the state shortly in the coming days and hit the road again which is my goal. I'm excited to extend myself to apply to different environmental jobs as well as bring my best to the table and good opportunities as they present themselves to me.

I genuinely believe people can choose to stop and take the time to start good processes. I'm aware of what I know and my journey and if you would, some of the ideations of that destiny and would believe others will seize their own alongside me, and choose to avoid standing in my way but with me as well in love and defiance of apathy or inaction, which is why I'm such a vocal proponent of my beliefs. 

 I'm practicing not having to be so vocal so that there is a more contingent balance right now and my energy and efforts are understandably valued as they are similar in weight and goals as other like minded folks.

I've been working out, practicing meditations and forms, and just getting back into the swing of things. My aims and aspirations are clear and I know that my intentions are good as ever.

 

 Where am I is I am currently posted over on one of my favorite benches; don't really know exactly what the day has but I'm looking forward to it—

  I have a heart song that I want to sing when I can sing it for folks without being pressured to do so.

  In my heart the possibilities I have in mind are made reality, and Im quite resolved in handling things as I am capable best and positively fof what the day could bring us jn our best interests and designs.

 

   I've reached out to a couple folks from my past life if you would.

   I am hoping and anticipating that somebody decides to hit me back, as that would be super helpful in not being out. I would ideally find a dry floor to crash on and pull my weight in turn like that Orphans song would echo the sentiment of.

  I'm going to be in the area for a little while and it'd be really reaffirming to catch up on some folks if they chose to and if they decided— 

I forgot I have Honey and Oat granola bars too.. I have snacks. 

This is great.

— as I was  if they decided to do so and it was in their best interest as well—  Genuinely just my best for mine and me these days and forward.

With my comprehension of oneness and many forms of practicality in reality I'll probably check in to different circles and with others when it's appropriate for me without inviting in tons of unneeded chaos in a negative fashion and moreso in Lightness.

Idk if anyone ever thinks of the lightness of chaos, or as I prefer to put it, 

  "I loathe constructive dis-order as I choose to see it…"

 Planned for a lot of adventures in the immediate future that I want to pan out mostly specifically pertaining to artwork as well as hopefully I have my eyes on the horizon, working with the land as well as maybe doing some tending and traveling.

 I would be way better off having somebody with me rather than just solo dolo, physically present.

 I got to feed the birds this morning which was super jovial and fun and I've been doing that frequently with meditations on giving and receiving and just for the sake of it.

I just I picture myself atm unwilling to play the proverbial hermit/ 

I actually still love people and socializing on my best days.

 

Going to be heading up either Northern New England or maybe down to the coastline.

 I would like to see the ocean again.

 I was thinking about that the other day which it occurs to me. 

Honestly even though I've spent time by the water  a lot it occurs to me that I never really like had like an avid passion for hanging out or like experiencing the ocean that much as a young adult or as a kid growing up it wasn't out of like fear it wasn't out of animosity…

(although sharks and things in the depths are very scary you know like stare into as the saying goes into the void the void stares)

 Back like there's probably things down there you wouldn't want to be poking.

 Same could be said for a lot of things but you know also you know when you go into something with the right mentality you have to bear in mind you know your mentality— like usually attracts like if you can bear that in mind. So again absolutely l o a t h e me some constructive dis order 🖤💜❤️💜

   Some of my life teachers or guides or a few out me into these and I in turn should fly over there when able and give them a big ol cup of hibiscus tea and mindful of how greatly I value their and my lessons and blessings in turn.

   So yeah we're excited to see what the Day brings might be breaking for camp I do have to like my cigarette again apparently even though I'm trying to quit and will be putting it shortly

 

You only know what you know and where the day is going to take you as you can plan to have and you always hit some small bumps on the road.

 I'm only expecting the best from myself and others these days which is really good applying my lessons as I see fit and not getting caught up on other people's interests from me and spending my time wisely.

 

Speaking of I do need to go to my old house over alcohol and procure some things I have that planned out with a peace officer and I'm just not going to be letting that situation weigh me down. 

 I'm not going to be associating with my prior abusers from my birth family that can't show up for love.

  I'm literally going for some tools and CM and perhaps my yoga mat, which would be more it'd be easier to carry them to the sleeping mat and it'll be able to use it for yoga.

Stretching in the morning, which has again become very very important to me being out and about all the time and just thinking about it now it's like I want to work on my hamstrings but I'm not going to do that atm.

 I'm still going to be procuring microphone when I have the resources available, more mobile gear than anything but still quality gear so I can get the podcast going in the meantime we're just doing logs and poetry and writing and patching and selling and things that make me happy little enjoy enjoyable pastimes like journaling.

 I've been trying to get back to people as well have met some real ones out here that I would take with me if I was precisely able to, specifically some of the older guys from the shelter and kitchen, a couple of the sisters around my age, a few of my bunkmates and some other seasoned folks who seem like good souls, again focusing on tending to reality of my situation and minding my own.

 Very much back to myself as capable as I've grown,  when I'm able to despite the obstacles that have been conquered as well as the obstacles that have been accomplished and already overcome. 

One door closes, another door opens and there's a time and place to address these kinds of things. Sargeant comes to my house like don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things like— luckily I'm wearing antiperspirant.

  Clean as a whistle over here surprisingly enough even though I can't remember the last time I showered.

 Which is hilarious even though yesterday was Saturday and I should have.

  I should have showered then,

  but I've just been  mobile and like give myself punk baths here and there like the sink bath. Anybody who's ever been at like at like a camp or a conference knows very much about the same bath or a punk bath if you would whatever you want to call it without being too to non PC. 

 Going now I'm going to hit back a couple folks see if anybody will let me stash my pack with them for a little bit while I go over to my prior abusers house just so I don't have like a 60 l plus bag on my back all the way over there and yeah just expecting the best for myself in the immediate future and hopefully people will come along for the ride it'll be super fun lots of good s*** be wild wild times.

    If y'all like my prior content or want to see more of my future content you can just get at me digitally most accessible for me right now when I have my phone charged until I can procure some more gear.

  You  can always contact me if you have to light if you want to like WebEx or zoom/ video chat as well as long as it's appropriate timing and I'd let you know but yeah you know if anybody wants to reach out to me feel free you know you again it would be nice to re–meet some folks. 

you can look at supporting me or helping me get through this tumultuous time and then I turn I can always of course give back to the community to pull my own weight if you would both literally and proverbial as well as see fit you know what would work best for those involved in the meantime I'm probably just going to eat some granola bars and figure out where to put this backpack because it is lofty the luggage is lofty but manageable and I'm keeping it I also really want to go pick up my echeveria from the house I don't know if I can but something's telling me just carry the echeveria around with me even though it's like not exactly it's not exactly portable right now but how like how perfect would it be if I just have my echeveria like on my head or like on the in the back of my pack like like I don't know like I remember I remember being out in SF and seeing folks with like their cats or like their dogs and their rats just hanging out with them on their shoulder and I'm like I'll just take my complex houseplants with me.

   I can effectively do for myself today looks like the sun's coming out peeking out from behind the clouds a little bit and even if it doesn't it's still out there somewhere which is super lovely and yeah other than that many blessings and you know make your day serve you to your utmost potential as only you yourself would know.

You want to get at me or if you want to support my at the time even like the smallest bean of grain–

 You can hit the cow like button

 you can toss a coin to your shifty cat friend 

or you can hit me up on ko-fi so I can then turn by you a coffee however they pronounce that.

 I know the value of my content and I'm going to be putting that on lock or at least some of the more special personal things for folks who want to subscribe to that kind of stuff that'll be done.

 

  IG is still going to be getting regular updates along with my personal snap when I'm able to and in the position too and other than that yeah all y'all have a beautiful beautiful week ahead of you.

~D

@hybrid_lion on IG

 campsite.bio/hybrid_lion

http://liondaydreams.com/

Also if I was meandering through and stopped to say hai and catch up I might be kind of ragged but clean up nice

Working on this one as well...

[beesmygod]

Have you ever gone through any like, EXTENDED art slumps? I used to draw all the time when I was a kid, all the way through 18, but now (23yo) it's this big awful stressful Thing? I keep feeling like I want to create, but I feel like I have to hide this urge because I'm not like a ""good"" or """deep""" artist, which is dumb for so many reasons... but I just can't seem to logic my way out of this. You're a very inspirational artist to me and I'd appreciate any insights you have. Thanks

from highschool for sophmore year of college i stopped drawing entirely because i wanted to focus on getting a “real job” and not some dumb shit i couldnt make money with. when i started doing it again it was as a stress reliever and hobby, so while i put enormous amounts of pressure on myself to improve, there was no external pressure to perform. when outside motivating factors are stronger than your own internal pressures, i think the activity ceases to be enjoyable, if that makes sense.

i used to read like over 50 books a year as a kid but once i had to start reading a lot of boring shit for college constantly the activity lost all appeal to me. maybe look for ways to relieve any external pressures about it that are outweighing your intrinsic enjoyment.

like, two pressures you mentioned are that you feel like youre not making good things or deep things. i totally get these feelings: ive recently come to terms with not making “good” things by re-framing how i work as “doing a lot of warm ups before i make something really good”. making bad things is just the natural first step to making good things. its embarrassing but honestly i think not being private about it and slowly coming to own it/work with it to your advantage is the secret needed to improve your art. become willing to accept you’ll make bad things. youre in good company.

as for deep things i STILL feel this. as a comic person i get really stupidly insecure over the comic i make for a lot of reasons but one that rolls around every time a zine/comic fest is happening is the feeling of “oh my god i make a trash comic about idiots that doesnt mean anything”. its a really insecure and ugly bad look but im so secretly jealous of people who are able to tell emotive and meaningful stories in their comics because they’ve adapted a suitable art style and storytelling methods.

but im just now starting to discover what im good at and what i like to do and where they intersect so i can make the most best comic i can under the least amount of external stress. when you worry about not making things that are “deep” you should instead focus on what kind of stories are missing from your life that you wish would be told and think about how to construct those. you dont even have to make concrete plans. just daydream and doodle about those ideas. focus on creating what you want to see more of or whats missing and if they’re also the stories/ideas you want to share.

i hope this is coherent

[sagemoderocklee]

Hola, so over the past month I've tried writing GaaLee fics multiple times. I never finished any of them because I felt like they were all... bad. I think having someone look them over or give advice/constructive criticism could help but idk. A standard or exchange fest could be fun, and I would sign up. Maybe if a writer were to drop out? If I or someone else were to back out for whatever reason, would it be a big deal though? Cause then I'd feel bad :(

Hey anon! 

So first of all, I’m really sorry to hear that you have felt too insecure about your writing to post it. This fandom needs writers, so I hope that you do decide to post some of your work! If you think you’d feel comfortable, you are more than welcome to talk to me off anon about that specific thing in private. I used to beta read fanfiction, and I honestly miss doing that. I love helping ppl with their writing, so if you want I would be happy to help with yours! We all start somewhere, anon. No one is a perfect writer right off the bat, so be patient and kind to yourself. There is always room to grow and be better--and more importantly: we are our own worst judge! You may be being ridiculous hard on yourself! Another perspective is always good to have. 

As for the gaalee event: it would be standard that all fanfiction must be beta’d before submission. There will be an author signup, an artist signup, a pinch-hitter sign up for both art and writing, and a beta signup. If ppl are having trouble finding beta readers, I’ll probably take on the bulk of that work because at the end of the day I want this to be successful and I want to see more fanfiction for this pairing, but that being said I definitely am going to have that as a rule because I want to see quality work--not rushed work. 

With dropping out, it’s much more of an issue with exchanges because if someone drops out, then that means if there aren’t pinch-hitters to take their place, then someone will not be receiving a piece of work created for them and that just sucks. In general, it would suck to have ppl drop out because it means less content, and if too many ppl drop then it might end up being a situation where there’s little to no participation so it’s really important that ppl try to be committed. 

There will be extensions offered, and the event should realistically last all summer long--sign-ups would last for about a month, and then particpants would have roughly 2 months at least of time to write or draw, and if something comes up extensions will be offered. If you really want to participate, I strongly encourage you to do so, even if you’re worried about having to drop. Trust me, I’ve had to drop fests before and I’ve had to ask for extensions before. I understand that life gets in the way sometimes--often times it does. And there will be biweekly check ins so if you’re really concerned about something you’ll have the chance to chat with me or anyone else who might be helping with organizing about your concerns, if you think you’ll be okay, etc. 

With writing, I haven’t set a minimum word count yet, but it’ll probably be about 10k or 15k words as a minimum which is pretty reasonable to get done in 2 months, I think, but again, if you have concerns please feel free to message me. 

The goal of this is to create content, make friends, and have fun. It’s no stress. At the end of the day, this is supposed to be enjoyable and if you aren’t enjoying yourself then it’s not a successful event.