#or in the end poem where we are an it? also goes extremely hard

[slime-crafters]

Honestly love when video games use it/its for the player character

[study-with-aura]

Friday, February 23, 2024

I am posting this on Saturday because H's mom needed to drop her off early since something came up on her end, so I never got the chance to post my Friday update. We had fun though. I still had my piano practice to do, so while I practiced, she worked on a few things that she needed to finish. On the other hand, she did say that my playing was beautiful, and I was elated to hear.

H also plays, but she goes back and forth between enjoying it and doing it because she wants to be done with it and her mom wants her to at least complete Level 10 and then if she wants to stop, she at least knows how to play extremely well in case she ever wants to come back to it in the future. I told H a while back when that was decided that I agreed with her Mom. It was good to at least have the knowledge as she didn't know what she would want in her future, so she plays often when she's in the mood and not often enough when she has no motivation. It works for her, so who am I to say anything?

I plan on doing ARCT and then I'll feel like I've mastered to where I want to be. I'm a completionist, and I actually do enjoy playing. It's why I'm trying to find more time. I want to finish by the time I finish my HS studies, but I also heard that I need ample time for the ARCT since it's a whole other level. If I pass my Level 9 exams, then I can start Level 10 and plan on completing that by the end 10th grade and then I would have two years to prepare for the ARCT exam. That's my plan anyway. My parents don't really care what I do as long I continue to enjoy playing. It's merely hard to find the time to practice! I can only do it by cutting short my supplemental study time, which I have done, but I don't really need a full 2-3 hours for that since I cut my reading down to only one extra book at a time instead of a supplemental book and a fun book along with assigned readings.

Am I doing too much? Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough at all.

It's time to practice again. I'll try to update about today (Saturday) a bit later.

Tasks Completed:

Geometry - Reviewed solving systems of equations graphically + reviewed equations of parallel and perpendicular lines + learned to find the distance between a point and a line + learned to find the shortest distance between two parallel lines + practice + honors work

Lit and Comp II - Reviewed Unit 16-18 vocabulary + read second part of chapter 26 of Emma by Jane Austen + read about understanding poetry + read about how to analyze poetry + read poems and marked figurative language identified + wrote a short poem using figurative language describing a scene from a photograph

Spanish 2 - Copied new vocabulary

Bible I - Read Joshua 17-18

World History - Watched lecture videos on what and why on the origins of WWI + started writing an essay describing how Balkan nationalism, entangling alliances, and militarism led to WWI (due Monday)

Biology with Lab - Finished my human impact presentation + presented to dad

PE/Health I - Read an article about resources for teen depression and stress

Foundations - Read the definition of resourcefulness + completed one minute creativity exercise + identified fallacies in stories and arguments

Piano - Practiced for two hours in one hour split sessions

Khan Academy - Completed World History Unit 6: Lesson 1 (parts 6-7) + completed High School Geometry Unit 6: Lesson 4 (parts 1-3) + Unit 6: Lesson 5 (some was assigned)

CLEP - None today

Duolingo - Studied for 15 minutes (Spanish, French, Chinese) + completed daily quests

Reading - Read pages 220-259 of My Dear Henry: A Jekyll & Hyde Remix by Kalynn Bayron and finished the book

Chores - Dusted my bedroom, my bathroom, and the study + laundered my bedding

Activities of the Day:

Personal Bible Study (Matthew 28)

Ballet

Pointe

Journal/Mindfulness

-

What I’m Grateful for Today:

I am grateful to have my friends over again tonight for a sleepover to get ready for our second to last cookie booth tomorrow.

Quote of the Day:

Never underestimate the power of dreams and the influence of the human spirit. We are all the same in this notion: The potential for greatness lives within each of us.

-Wilma Rudolph

🎧Symphony Op. 11 No. 1 in D major (Overture; 'L'amant anonyme') 1. Allegro - Joseph Bologne, Chevalier de Saint-Georges

[eternitas]

17 and 24 of that ask game for Sanji, Hayato and Xiao uvu

This Ask meme

17. What's a book, movie, or show you think [character] would like?

Sanji

Very obvious answer? Anything to do with cooking. He breaths cooking. But he is also a majour softy and slight pervert so I can see him have some guilty pleasure movies that involve a lot of romance and soft erotica. I am not very versed in ANY of these things, but I could see Sanji enjoying Titanic and Moulin Rouge. I also think he would love Food Wars for not just the cooking, but the over the top orgasmic depiction of how good food can taste.

Hayato

Obvious answer? Cryptid fanatic. Doesn't even matter if the movie/show/book is good. He WILL engage with it, even if just to say afterwards that it SUCKS. I personally see him def more into horror that is on the supernatural side and less horror that goes into splatter or gore territory like Saw or-- whatever other slasher film there is, I personally do not watch much horror. Since he is also incredibly intelligent I can see him be REALLY into crime thrillers, but only the super technical and bizare ones that are hard for some others to read. I can also see him be into extremely accurate mafia novels. If he reads a mafia related book and it gets something terribly wrong he stops IMMIDEATLY. One movie that especially fascinates him and the book it is based on is 'I heared you paint houses'. I think he is a biiit of a fan of Scorcese, tho he does also have his opinions (TM)

Xiao

I think there is ONLY an obvious answer? Xiao is REALLY into chinese mythology and Wu Xia Stories. He isn't someone who engages a lot with shows or movies, but he does read enough especially theoretic books about different martial arts. Fiction isn't exactly his thing unless it's historic novels set in ancient China. Or the usual classics. He actually also has a bit of a soft spot for poems and books that are juste purely wholesome. Stories about someone making it out of the darkness or just the beauty of mundanity. Nothing overly melodramatic. Maybe that means he would like some Ghibli movies? Jury out on that one.

24. What's your favourite thing about [character]?

Oh boy here we go

Sanji

wet boy soggy cat baby pathetic manlet. Need I say more? I won't go into spoilers, but Sanji is both incredibly infuriating and beloved to me. I just love when he is caught up in a situation, where he just ends up showing his true colors. How soft and kind he can be, how much he cares about others even those he might not particularly like much or strangers. He is ready to lay his life on the line EVEN IF HE SAYS HE DOESN'T CARE OH BOY DOES HE CARE!!!! Especially the Wano Kuni Arc has made me adore him so much. Whole Cake Island broke me into pieces but Wano Kuni showed both his worst and his best sides. Also who doesn't love a man that can cook? The way he just LIGHTS UP when he gets to talk cooking or about his dream of finding the All Blue! *chefs kiss* (pun intended I am absolutely kissing that chef, icky smoke be damned)

Hayato

The fuck do you mean like? This bitch is the bane of my existance and i hate him and his stupid face with his aweful green eyes and the dumb smile he is capable of making. Oh and don't get me started on his aweful obsession with UFOs and cryptids wow what a loser, what an absolute cringefail, it's not like I enjoy his damn progress as a character from a selfcentered obsessive idiot to a more open cooperative jerk that actually trusts people and relies on them, oh gods are you crazy nah get that away from me. Bitch is so smart it's infuriating I loathe how intelligent and truly innovative he is, god his brightness is so annoying!

I do love his cat tho c:

Xiao

Love of my life one of the most misunderstood and MISINTERPRETED characters in all of Genshin yes you heared me FIGHT ME!

Look. Xiao is dear to my heart. I know I say it was Kaeya who got me into Genshin, but nah we all know that is a lie, yes he was the character that piqued my interest, but before the game was out the Genshin website already had some mini profiles on some characters and Xiao also had one. I made one look at the guy and said "that one". He is an abuse victim that was enslaved and forced to do horrendous things, knowing nothing but savagery and violence until he was saved, swearing unwavering loyalty to his savior who gave him his current name. And his life just kept being full of violence, as he became a Yaksha, cleansing and protecting Liyue through slaughter. This guy has probably MILLENIA of karmic debt accumilated, he was a GENERAL in a war, he faught alongside a myriad of other Yakshas and-- in the end he became the only survivor. Xiao is the LAST Yaksha, he is the only one remaining, he keeps his comrades and friends memory close to him, he saw them perish and fall to their karmic debt and after it all he became someone who kept fighting for Liyues safety in pure solitude, because GUESS WHAT he can't even get close to mortals. His strong karmic debt causes others harm, so he naturally isolated himself and accepted this fate. Sacrifice is something Xiao sees as natural and unavoidable, bitch is DEPRESSED and absolutely unsocial. He just has no social skills whatsoever and human customs confuse him. It's not maliciousness, it's actual confusion and mostly ignorance that leads to him being mostly misunderstood. He needs patience and a lot of understanding. So many people just write him off as some edgeboy, being rude and arrogant- when in actuallity boy just doesn't know how to deal with people. deep down he is a soft soul. FOR FUCKS SAKE his namecard says QUOTE

He longs for a day to come when he will wear the mask and dance — not to conquer demons, but to the tune of that flute amid a sea of flowers.

HE WANTS TO DANCE IN A SEA OF FLOWERS WHILE FLUTE MUSIC PLAYS I AM SORRY HOW CAN ANYONE SAY THIS GUY IS EDGY WHEN HE IS A FOCKING MARSHMALLOW DEEP DOWN

He lost so much, he believed to find his end by being alone forever until he succumbs to his karmic debt-- and yet he tries SO HARD

From watching the Lantern rites Xiao lantern from just outside the city, to watching the fireworks on the roof of wang shu inn, to COMING INTO THE CITY TO DINE WITH OTHER PEOPLE, TO ACTUALLY RELEASING A XIAO LANTERN WITH THE TRAVELER HIMSELF!!!! Even in his letters he says that he is starting to be more casual with the other adepti, he joined the fucking Poetry Festival-- I am losing my mind at this guy he is genuinely so fucking pillowy soft deep down, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE SWITCH THE VOICES TO CN AND HEAR KINSEN IN ALL HIS GLORY CONVEY XIAOS CHARACTER!

(I am sorry but whatever the english voice director told his VA was absolute bullshit fight me on this.)

I am very normal about this guy

Other canon things that make me lose my marbles

The fact that the moment Xiao and the traveler first meat a track plays in the background that is called Lovers Oath

You can bait Xiao into coming somewhere or participate in something when you say the traveler will be there

During the Chasm Storyline he first wanted to keep the others away saying that to keep them safe and Yanfei USES THE TRAVELER TRICK to get Xiao to IMMIDEATLY join their gang.

Usually special dishes are food that is prepared by the characters themself. Sweet Dream, Xiaos Specialty dish is something the traveler makes for him

He???? eats or at least ATE dreams???? He says almond tofu tastes like sweet dreams???? thats where the special dish got its name from???? hello?????

when a traveling pilgrim came to the mountain as Ganyu and Xiao were training he did NOT want to deal with a mortal and basically told Ganyu her next training task is to deal with that guy before he skidaddled. Pro move to escape social interactions

when saving everyone from the chasm he sacrificed himself to ensure everyone else makes it to the surface. Daddy dearest ofc saved him but he was SO ready to let this be his end. I am glad it wasn't

from what I can tell his illuminated beast form is a bird, not like cloud retainer however and the fact there is a CHONK BIRB XIAO PLUSHY has me wheezing.

especially in early game crystalflies are hard to catch. Xiaos first birthday letter included 10 crystal cores, the item that drops when you catch crystalflies, a very valuable resource for crafting condensed resin. He also admits that he kind of didn't intend to catch that many and that he believes they would look cute in the travelers hair

he is strongly implied if not outright confirmed to be in chronic pain from his karmic debt. Pls save my boy

I might be a bit off on some of these but I am at LEAST 89% sure these are true facts.

[mayihavethisdanse]

“What is this, the Dark Ages?”

Or, Arthurian themes and allusions in the Brotherhood of Steel mythos as seen in Fallout 4. (But that’s a lot of words.)

Yep. We're doing this. 

First, some obligatory caveats: there is no single Arthurian canon, just 1500 years of assorted fanfic based on the whims of whoever was writing at the time. For this extremely highbrow Tumblr meta, I have ignored most of it and drawn on my favorites. Also Wikipedia.

Also, I am not an expert in Arthurian literature (or Fallout lore, come to that), and I preemptively beg the pardon of anyone who is.

Finally, in no way am I claiming that all these parallels and thematic echoes are deliberate or even significant. In fact, I'd break it down into:

Clearly deliberate allusions, whether in or out of universe;

Probably coincidence, but could be someone deliberately capitalizing on a coincidental similarity;

Almost certainly coincidence, but fun to speculate about; annnnd

Blatant Monty Python references. (Because of course there are.)

I'll start with the big one.

Arthur Maxson, boy king and unifier

(source)

So across all the retellings and variations of King Arthur’s life story, there are a few consistent elements, particularly in his early life and rise to power. Some of these threads are echoed in the Fallout universe, specifically (and unsurprisingly) in the person of Arthur Maxson.

Both the legendary King Arthur and Arthur Maxson were born with a claim to power lying in their ancestry, both were fostered away from their families, and both proved themselves in combat at a young age. 

King Arthur united the warring kingdoms of Britain into a single entity, making them stronger against outsiders and receiving general admiration and acclaim. Arthur Maxson united the divided factions of the BoS after the events of Fallout 3 and is held in similarly high regard by his men.

The name Prydwen is a reference to the ship of the original King Arthur. Presumably, Arthur Maxson (or someone in the BoS who anticipated his promotion) christened the airship in a deliberate homage to the Arthurian myth.

King Arthur is associated with his legendary sword. I think it’s notable that Maxson’s legend is associated with a bladed weapon, too. ("He killed a DEATHCLAW with a COMBAT KNIFE!”)

Probably coincidence, but fun: the historical emperor Magnus Maximus, who pops up a lot in early Arthurian legend, was known in Welsh as... Macsen. (⌐■_■)

Round Table, but make it dieselpunk

(Continued under the cut.)

Moving away from obvious allusions and into some looser parallels:

Like the Round Table, the Brotherhood is an exclusive knightly order with its leader being the one able to open it up to his chosen few.

Like the Round Table, the BoS sees itself as defending human civilization against forces of chaos. (I’ll touch on their tech-hoarding tendencies when I get to the Grail stuff.) This idea of civilization in the face of chaos goes back to the BoS’s founding, even though the level of isolationism we see in most of the Fallout franchise is not exactly what founder Roger Maxson had in mind: “Notably, Maxson's ultimate intention was to establish the Brotherhood as an organization that works closely with people outside of the Brotherhood, as guardians of civilizations, not its gatekeepers.” (source) In a lot of ways, Arthur Maxson represents a return to his ancestor’s original ideals.

Renegade knights? Internal politics? Traitors within? We gotchu.

In both the medieval legends and in all chapters of the BoS we’ve seen, there’s a big focus on bloodlines (ew). Ironically, it’s probably Arthur Maxson’s unquestionable ancestry that allows him to be more progressive than either of his East Coast predecessors when it comes to boosting Brotherhood numbers by recruitment (even though you can still see a clear division between “born Brotherhood” and recruited soldiers, but that’s a topic for another day). Maxson sees himself as an Elder who "cares for the people"—however misguided and patronizing that attitude might be—and whatever else you might say about the guy, you can't say he doesn't believe he has a duty. Which brings us to…

Know Your Enemy: Danse as Gawain

Before I start this section, an acknowledgement of authorial bias:

Gawain, as portrayed in the Middle English poem Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, is my very favorite of King Arthur’s knights. (Other stories aren't always as flattering, but like I said at the outset: I'm sticking to the ones I like.)

That poem is my very favorite piece of medieval Arthurian literature. In this section, I'll refer to the modern English translation by Simon Armitage.

...that’s it, I have no other biases to disclose. 

What? 👀

(Art: Clive Hicks-Jenkins)

All right. So in Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, you’ve got this himbo loyal knight of Arthur’s who finds himself caught up in... you know what, let me just paste in the Wikipedia summary. (The Toast, RIP, also did a pretty entertaining and more-or-less accurate recap.)

It describes how Sir Gawain, a knight of King Arthur's Round Table, accepts a challenge from a mysterious "Green Knight" who dares any knight to strike him with his axe if he will take a return blow in a year and a day. Gawain accepts and beheads him with his blow, at which the Green Knight stands up, picks up his head and reminds Gawain of the appointed time. In his struggles to keep his bargain, Gawain demonstrates chivalry and loyalty until his honour is called into question by a test involving the lord and the lady of the castle where he is a guest.

Don’t worry too much about the plot details, though; for this post, I’m more interested in the thematic parallels. The Green Knight story is full of contrasts: order vs. chaos, civilization vs. wilderness, mortal man vs. Other... but let’s start with Gawain himself. 

Some stuff to know about Gawain:

He was "as good as the purest gold, devoid of vices but virtuous and loyal". Gawain took his principles more seriously even than the rest of Arthur’s knights, not out of pride but out of humility: "I would rather drop dead than default from duty," he says. 

He’s faithful and honorable and never even tempted to betray an oath, even when offered every variety of seduction and riches, except for a single moment of weakness in a desperate desire not to be executed for random shit by powerful forces for reasons he doesn't understand.  

Even though he doesn’t really understand why he needs to die, he sticks to his oath. Gawain's one weakness is a moment of desperate, private, human desire for survival. He'll submit to the headsman’s axe if he has to, but he'd still rather live. 

Above all, Gawain is the ideal of a human man: he might be the bravest and loyal man there is, but he’s still fundamentally human.

You can probably see where I'm going with this.

A few more fun facts about Gawain that resonate with Paladin Danse’s story:

He’s got a bunch of really shitty brothers. (No comment.)

Gawain (SPOILERS!) doesn't actually end up beheaded, but he does willingly kneel for his execution and gets a cut on the throat as a reminder of his sin. And, uh, Danse can also get his throat cut! It doesn’t end as nicely but it’s, you know, a thing that can happen.

Gawain might be a really good guy, and he tries really hard to be one, but in the end he’s nothing more than that: there’s nothing supernatural about him, he has no special powers beyond his own principles and devotion. He’s just a dude doing his Best. 

Wait, why not Danselot?

Oh, that guy? Here’s the thing.

Lancelot personifies the continental ideals of courtly love that became popular in the High Middle Ages. Central to his story is the prioritization of personal relationships and romantic feelings in a way that you don’t really see in Gawain's, at least in the Green Knight tale. (Later stories hook Gawain up with an extremely delightful lady, but even that is a different flavor of romance than Lancelot's and has more to do with Gawain honoring his word and his egalitarian treatment of women (hell yeah). In the poem, Gawain is impressed by Bertilak's wife but resists her temptation; in fact, the biggest risk is not that he'll yield to her advances but that he'll be discourteous to her, i.e., violate his principles and cause dishonor to his king and his host.)

Lancelot is driven by passions over principles in a way that Gawain never really is (at least in the stories I’m talking about; later writers have committed character assassination to various degrees). Yes, you could argue that both Gawain and Lancelot betray their oaths, but Lancelot’s betrayal is never, um, blind. He knows what he’s doing and makes a deliberate choice to prioritize his love for the queen over his love for the king. It doesn’t make him a bad guy—he too is an ideal knight with one fatal flaw—but his character isn’t as comparable to Paladin Danse. 

Yeah, Gawain is (in most stories) a prince and a kinsman of Arthur’s, but he’s ultimately a native boy who doesn’t break the mold of a Knight of the Round Table. Likewise, Danse is portrayed as competent and valuable to the BoS, but not exceptional or breaking the mold of what a BoS soldier should be: he simply represents the ideal. Meanwhile, Lancelot is a foreign prince who was marked from childhood as special and fancy, and his storyline goes alllll over the place. (Much like this post.)

For example, Lancelot goes to absolutely absurd extremes to prove his devotion for no other reason than to prove it. (“I’ll do any useless humiliating thing you want. I’ll betray every oath except the one I made to you. That’s what love is!”) Gawain would never. Danse would never.

Ultimately, Gawain's tests are of his character and not of his love. And like Gawain, Danse’s devotion is to service and his principles, not to another person—even Arthur Maxson.

All that said, there are some similarities: both are beloved by Arthur, both are held up as the ideal of what a knight should be. And even if their fatal flaws are different, both make the point that no matter how good and brave and loyal they might be, no human being can be perfect. 

(Except Galahad. Who is, as a result, very boring.) 

I’ll conclude this section with a quote from someone else’s take on the Greek Knight poem:

I like Gawain. He’s not perfect, but he’s trying his best which is all any of us can do. He’s not like the other knights in the Arthurian legends who occasionally ‘accidentally’ kill women on their little adventures and then feel hard done by when they have to deal with the consequences of that. Gawain holds himself to a high standard – higher, it seems, than Arthur and his knights hold him to considering how hard they laugh when Gawain tells them how bad he feels about the whole thing.

I think Gawain is very relatable in this story. We all want to be better than we actually are.

And that, more than anything else, is Danse.

The Grail myth

What’s that? Lost relics of power? Better send some large armed men after ‘em!

The parallels to the BoS’s tech-hoarding ways are obvious enough that the games themselves lampshade them (albeit by way of Monty Python). But it also ties into the larger themes of “purity” versus “corruption” and the BoS’s self-image as a bastion between civilization and chaos. (See Maxson's line in response to the Sole Survivor’s quip about the Dark Ages: “Judging from the state of the world, it wouldn't be a stretch to say we're living in that era again.”)

But the ultimate futility of the Grail mission is also worthy of note. The BoS might want the power of prewar tech on their side, but they’re no more to be trusted with it than any other group of human beings. No matter how they try, the “corruption” of humanity can’t be overcome as long as they’re striving to harness power for their own ends. You can only achieve power by surrendering control of it.

The death of Arthur

The nature of gameplay being what it is, it's not guaranteed that the Arthur figure will be fatally betrayed, bringing Camelot down with him—but it's not unlikely, either.

Awkward.

Some final spitballing:

Outside the Brotherhood, there are some fun parallels of the Arthur myth with the rest of Fallout 4. Betrayal by one’s own son, for example.

The key difference between the BoS and the legendary Round Table: King Arthur’s knights, for all their flaws and human weaknesses, are usually presented as unambiguous Good Guys. The BoS is... a little more ambiguous...

...but damn if they don’t think they're the good guys. 

A-ad victoriam, fellas!

[tanadrin]

Dev Patel and the Green Knight

I finally got around to seeing The Green Knight. Overall, I enjoyed it--David Lowery does a good job capturing the essential weirdness of the tale, which is very much about taking a mundane circumstance (a Christmas feast) and suddenly catapulting the reader into a mythic otherworld through the intrusion of the alien and monstrous, and the fantastical costumes, dramatic lighting, and dissonant score all contribute very well to a sense of otherness that permeates the original story.

But I find it interesting--and, I'll admit, a little frustrating--that no modern film adaptation of medieval literature is really capable of taking the story it's adapting on its own merits. This isn't an objection to modifying the source text, or taking it in new, non-literal direction. I can think of plenty of adaptations of work that play with the source material in interesting ways, and are better for it. Even very faithful adaptations like Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings are inevitably going to alter the source based on the need to adapt it for the screen and the whims of the director. But when it comes to medieval classics, texts like Beowulf or Gawain and the Green Knight are always held at arm's length. An ironic layer is always interpolated into the original story, and even in modified form the story is never allowed to stand on its own.

Contrast, for instance, modern retellings of Arthurian legend; or Wagner's Nibelungenleid; or something like Neil Gaiman's book of Norse mythology. These are all adaptations of much older stories, all medieval; and the authors typically happy to let the stories operate on their own terms. In fact, that is often a selling point: dipping into these tales is a way of sampling an alien culture, one that is remote from us in time rather than space, and part of the sense of heightened drama is the understanding that these stories do not necessarily depict the world in the same way that modern realist prose does. They are fairy-stories, in the Tolkienian sense, and something not quite even like "high fantasy," which, although it is a genre which owes much to the mythic tradition, is usually *told* in the same manner as other realist fiction. And you could take these stories and re-cast them in a realist mold--that's definitely been done with Arthurian legend, either via anachronism or trying to place them in an era-appropriate historical context, and even that yields something quite like the original in tenor, even if the language used to relate the story is often very different.

Watching this movie, I was *strongly* reminded of Robert Zemeckis's Beowulf, in that this did not feel like an attempt to adapt Gawain and the Green Knight for the screen. It felt like an attempt to tell a story *about* Gawain and the Green Knight (the text), a story which does not stand on its own. You don't have to have read the text to understand the movie (although I think some directorial decisions would be a bit mystifying if you hadn't), but the movie definitely situates itself *as a response* to the text. Which is an odd choice! Actually, another good point of comparison is Spike Jonze's Adaptation. It started life as an adaptation of Susan Orlean's The Orchid Thief, but Charlie Kaufman sort of gave up writing that halfway through and wrote a movie about the difficulty he was having writing *that* movie, and the result is something very weird (and very good) that is full of metafictional elements that depend on the existence of this other work, in a way that a straight retelling of The Orchid Thief for the screen obviously would not. And while The Green Knight isn't that extreme, it is definitely playing on the structure of the medieval poem, and replying to it.

The core of the movie (as I understood it) is a tension between young Gawain's aspiration to knightliness, his ambition which is born at least in part from his mother's encouragement, and his own failure to live up to the heroic ideal of greatness. Not chivalric--this is a movie in which the ethos of chivalry makes not even the briefest of appearance, which is weird given that it's nominally an Arthurian romance, and that the chivalric ethos is extremely important to the original text. Instead we have a generic greatness being described, one which is associated with renown, with taking part in mythic events, and with achieving high rank and honor. In the service of seeing her son obtain all this, Gawain's mother seems to cast some kind of spell, whereupon the titular Green Knight appears at Arthur's Christmas-feast; and as in the poem, a game of beheadings is proffered. Gawain accepts the challenge, beheads the knight, and the knight rides away, promising he'll meet Gawain a year and a day hence at the Green Chapel. So far so straightforward. When Gawain sets off a year later to meet the knight, his mother gives him an enchanted belt to keep him safe from harm. Gawain goes on to have a couple of side-of-the-road adventures and mishaps, the kind of thing that's par for the course when you're telling an Arthurian romance, until he arrives at the house of a mysterious benefactor, just about a day away from the Chapel, who grants him hospitality until the day of his challenge.

Now, in the original story, this is where Gawain gets the magic belt, and it's hugely important: Gawain and his host promise to exchange anything they might receive at the end of each day, when the host has been out hunting all day and Gawain has been in the house recuperating from his travels. During this time, the host's wife repeatedly tries to seduce Gawain; and Gawain is trapped between the imperative not to sleep with his host's wife (a major violation of the rules of good chivalric conduct!) and the imperative not to offend the woman (also a violation of those rules). He succeeds, for the most part; he is forced at one point to give his host a kiss at the end of the day, since the wife kissed him; this is shown as him holding nothing back and acting in good faith on the vow he made to his host. When Gawain finally rebuffs the wife for good, she insists that, even if he won't sleep with her, he should at least take a magic belt she has woven that will keep him from harm. He does; but he does *not* give this to his host. When he finally goes to the Green Chapel, the Knight returns the original blow as promised--but only nicks Gawain lightly. He reveals himself to be none other than the host who was sheltering him; the nick was his reprimand for withholding that final gift, but because of his good conduct he is otherwise left unharmed. The whole thing was a test of sorts, one which Gawain passed. Despite flinching at first from the blow, and keeping the belt secret, he shows himself ultimately to be a man of good (albeit not perfect) conduct, and *that* is why he wins honor from the whole affair.

The movie takes this basic narrative and alters it in key places, completely changing the valence of the whole thing. First, Gawain gets the belt at the beginning of his quest, as mentioned; he loses it on the way, but when he reaches the castle, the wife of his host (who succeeds in seducing him with a handjob) presents it to him as if she had woven it herself. He does not actually engage in the game of exchanged with his host, who is *also* not the Green Knight. And we're treated to a monologue about the color green from the wife that feels beat for beat like it's been ripped off from someone's undergraduate essay about Gawain and the Green Knight, which is a little weird even in the context of the rest of the movie. Finally when Gawain reaches the chapel, the knight goes to return the blow--and Gawain completely chickens out and flees. We are then treated to an extended sequence of Gawain returning home; being feted as a hero; earning his knighthood (presumably by lying about what happened); succeeding Arthur as king; him abandoning his low-class beau once she bears him a son, and marrying a princess; going to war; his son dying in a war; and finally, as an old man, being trapped in his throne room as a besieging army breaks its way inside. Just before they do, he removes the magic belt from around his waist, his head fall off, and bam--we're shown this has been an Occurrence At Owl Creek Bridge thing this whole time, and the Green Knight has not yet landed his blow.

Gawain finally takes off the belt, throws it aside, and tells the knight to go ahead--and the knight bends down and congratulates him. In context, the reading seems to be this: the belt is a talisman of Gawain's mother's influence, of external expectations for what kind of man he is. The Knight is Arthur or perhaps an agent of his, and the test in *this* case is whether Gawain can be his own person. All the events leading up to this point are perhaps a part of the original magic Gawain's mother cast, an effort to Lilith Weatherwax her kid to greatness by putting him into an epic story. Implicitly, then, the Gawain and the Green Knight we all know is the false version of the tale, the tale as Gawain's mother would have it told.

This is all very clever. But I'm afraid it's so clever it falls apart in the end. Because the structure of the original story that this depends on is dependent in turn on taking the whole notion of chivalric virtue seriously, which this movie plainly does not. Gawain is shown as irreverent and lustful and a bit of a party animal--lovable and good hearted fundamentally, but definitely not an Arthurian hero. That's fine, but that's a very modern sort of character, one that feels out of place in a movie that is trying very hard also to be tonally unmodern, firmly embedded in a mythic otherwhen of Arthurian legend. Moments of slice-of-life mundaneness, while charming, strain mightily against the epic tone the movie tries to take in other places, and strange events like a ghost seeking her lost head or immense giants striding the landscape. We are jostled: are we in the land of myth? Or are we in historical Britain? We cannot be in both!

And this is a movie that was definitely made by people who had read the original text; not just the original text, but also a great deal of criticism *about* the original text. The movie namechecks the theme of fivefold symmetry that's incredibly important to the structure of the poem; there's the aforementioned undergrad essay about colors about 3/4th of the way through; and there's the fact that the structure of the original plot (down to Morgan LeFay in disguise as an old woman in the host's castle) is present in altered form in every detail. But none of these details add up to much. There's a weird homoerotic kiss with the host that implies that in fact *he* wanted to sleep with Gawain, in addition to his wife; the ghost Gawain encounters early on tells him the Green Knight is in fact someone he knows (and therefore *can't* be the host; I think it's implied to be Arthur, like I said, but this is never quite confirmed), and while all these things *about* the original poem are shown, none of them ever get integrated thematically into the plot.

I think as a result, whatever Lowery was going for, the whole movie kind of falls apart in the end. And that's a pity, because somewhere in there is just a really weird, visually striking, really gripping, embellished-and-polished-for-modern-sensibilities-but-also-thematically-true-to-the-source retelling of Gawain and the Green Knight. And that would have been a much better movie! What are we to make of this, a movie that purports to be telling a story-behind-the-story, but one that leaves no room or context for the original? After all, Gawain in the end does *not* flee, does not return home a coward and a liar; presumably, he earns his honor, and can be honest about what happened. But if he is honest, none of the rest of what we have been shown makes a lick of sense, or has any point.

One feels a bit as if modern directors, when confronted with medieval texts being a bit weird, a bit alien in their worldview, instead of realizing that's actually something people like some of from time to time, feel like they have to construct an artificial bridge between the Middle Ages and the present day. But because it is invariably metafictional and self-referential, as if to say "don't worry, we know nobody REALLY wants to watch a bunch of boring medieval shit played straight," it comes off as cringing and ashamed of its source material. This isn't a plea for historicity! Gawain and the Green Knight is not history. But one does occasionally want to see an adaptation of one's favorite works without directors being ashamed of the text they are adapting! And since most people will not have read the original, I am rather confused about what the director intends for the audience to get out of all these references that are dependent on it, but don't stand on their own merits within the narrative of the movie itself.

The acting was good, the set design and costumes were terrific, I loved the slow and measured pacing and the weird score, and the design of the Knight himself, and the landscapes and almost everything else about the movie. So I don't think it's a waste of time, especially if you have read and enjoyed Gawain and the Green Knight, in the original or in translation. But it's definitely a pity to see a movie that was, well, *almost* great, but ended up merely OK.

[gentlemancowboy]

21 Favorite Creations of 2021

I was tagged by @deanncastiel and @becauseofthebowties to post my favorite or most popular creation for every month in 2021, but I had already started this list so I’m going to mash the two together. So in no particular order, here are my favorite creations of 2021:

#parallelsnatural (gifset): My OTPs. These were basically the exact same scene.

Season Gr8 (gifset): This was a Make Me Choose request and it’s still, to this day, one of my favorite general sets. 

Sure, John (edit): The edit that launched a thousand ships, as I like to call it. One of my first creations on this site and the one that really got me into the Supernatural fandom.

Dean Flirting with Cas (gifset): Oh, Dean. Honey. You ain’t subtle. And compiling these all back-to-back really made it that much more apparent. I love him, but he’s an idiot.

Destiel + Romance Arc Tropes (gifset): This is a lot different from the edits I normally do, and I had a blast making it.

The Gang Learns About Angel-Killing Bullets (gifset): When you try to break up your Supernatural viewing with It’s Always Sunny.

Destiel + The End (gifset): Loved my coloring on this set and no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to replicate it. 

TFW Takes a Case in Schitt’s Creek (gifset): Basically what my brand is all about. I only wish this could have happened irl.

Heartbreaker, Cosplayer also known as Dollynatural Part III (amv): Out of all my Dollynatural amvs, this one was by far my favorite to create (9 to 5 loses points because compiling all those clips was a PAIN). And—I mean—who doesn’t love Dean and his silly little outfits?

You Have Fallen in Every Way Imaginable (gifset): What is there to say about Castiel’s arc that hasn’t already been said. Loved creating this and playing around with different coloring than I normally do.

Kiss and Make Up (fic): My first fic! Had a ton of fun writing this.

Arcade (amv): As soon as I heard this song I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I think making this caused me permanent brain damage but I really like how if turned out. 

Four Times Dean Didn’t Meet Cas + One Time He Did (gifset): Lazarus Rising supremacy. 

Playing Dress-up in Cars with Boys (gifset): We love a good parallel.

Alexis Rose (gifset): This got very little traction but I loved making this set for one of my favorite characters. Extremely proud of my coloring on this as well.

Dean Reacting to Cowboys (gifset): I love him I love him I love him.

Destiel + First Class (gifset): My first lyric set! 

#gifyourhuckleberry (gifset): How I was first introduced to the #cowboycoven, who graciously brought me into the fold when I made this set thinking it was just a general fandom event 😅absolutely no regrets.

Slow Burn (gifset): I had a lot of fun with the overlays and fonts on this one.

10x22 (gifset): I loved this poem by @bestiarum so much that I made a set for part of it. I love how it came out.

How Mercurial is Life (fic): After months of writing and rewriting, I finally took the leap and started posting my crossover fic! I’m only 3 chapters into this but it continues to be a true labor of love. Can’t wait to see where it goes.

No pressure tagging @archivistsammy @cosmiccas @buckystiel @emeraldcas @xofemeraldstars and anyone else who might be interested in doing this prompt or the original one. 

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

Oh great, McGonagall’s back to being a bitch again in this new TLSQ 🙄

Is anyone ready for another rant? Because I've got another rant.

My friend messaged me after this quest came out and simply said "Tell me this quest pissed you off too." I hadn't seen it yet, so I went to watch the footage. Having just finished...oh god.

Going into the quest, I wasn't angry. At first, I was mostly bewildered. Unlike the Torvus TLSQ, this one doesn't really beat you over the head with mean-spirited guilt-tripping. But it does follow the interpretation that MC is to blame for the chaos. And that idea is so ludicrous that I was genuinely laughing. To hear McGonagall say "Be that as it may, your actions have caused this." Was unintentionally hilarious. What actions? MC was a bystander. They were just hanging out with their friends. Badeea is the one who painted the Portrait, and it was painted for Jae. MC didn't do anything. But the rest of this quest will send them on a wild goose chase to appease everyone else.

Here's a question. Why does Badeea all but disappear from the plot when she arguably had the most agency in this problem? Why do Jae and MC get threatened with detention...and not Badeea? She literally painted the offending Portrait. That's not even getting into how silly it is to blame the students for this fiasco in the first place, but as long as you're going to...why hold Jae and MC accountable, but not Badeea? Why does MC have to paint the portrait that will be used to distract Sir Cadogan? Badeea says that it's because her paintings are what started this mess, and she's afraid of causing more trouble. Fair enough, but that doesn't really change the fact that she is the only character who knows how to paint enchanted portraits. She is the only one with any skill in this. That said, I wouldn't change this for the world because the fanged puffskein is adorable. Let me hug him. Let me hug him! He reminds me of my kitty.

The Portraits are to blame for this mess. That much is as clear as day. And yet no one is willing to hold them accountable. No one voices the idea that maybe this is their fault, and that maybe we shouldn't be prioritizing their wishes. This is the Peeves Arc of Year 5 all over again, and people didn't just hate that arc for being filler. Why is the Fat Lady not chastised for leaving her post? Why must we cater to her demands? Why must we go on a scavenger hunt that takes all day, why do we have to play by their rules? Pick up the damn portrait and shake it until the Fat Lady and the others take the hint. Hold the damn thing over a fire if you want to really scare them. (Ruthless? Perhaps, but Gail would do that. She wouldn't actually burn the Portrait but the Fat Lady doesn't know that.) Better yet, McGonagall could solve this pretty easily by invoking teacher authority. Even if that failed, at least she couldn't very well expect two students to solve the problem that she couldn't solve...which uh, why were MC and Jae expected to solve this again?

There are countless Portraits in t his castle. Why did the Fat Lady and others decide out of the blue to leave their posts for Badeea's latest painting? This is far from the first time she's made one. This can't be the first time a painting of the Three Broomsticks has crossed Hogwarts' halls. The Three Broomsticks also isn't that exciting considering that you can paint just about anything. Why is Gryffindor Tower sealed like a Cursed Vault without the Fat Lady? Can't Dumbledore open it with magic? Can't they get another Portrait to stand in? Y'know, like they did in POA when the Fat Lady left her post? There are obvious solutions here, and unlike POA, the Fat Lady isn't exactly fearing for her safety. She's just throwing a tantrum. Couldn't McGonagall dismiss her, or at least threaten to, over something like this? The question that burns in my throat again and again is "Why is this our problem?" The quest tries to create a justification, but mostly it doesn't really care to. The reason we have to help isn't because it's our fault, it's because McGonagall will punish us if we don't.

The Portraits are whiny and entitled in this quest, but that's not even the worst part. Holy uncanny valley, Batman, what in god's name was up with that art style? Violet and the Fat Lady look genuinely disturbing, like they came out of a horror game. And you have to spend extended periods of time talking to them. I won't lie, I got uncomfortable. At least it was a distraction from the madness that was this plot. Once it got to the part where MC had to recite a poem to "Percival the Prat" I just kind of put my tea down and had a moment of reflection on how far this quest had taken us, and all of the stupid nonsense that MC was doing to appease these portraits. And all because they were threatened with detention if they didn't sort all this out, even though it wasn't their problem...deep sigh. There's a theme in this quest about listening to your friends and respecting their wishes...but this is not realized well at all. MC tried to do a nice thing for Jae and had no way of knowing it would all collapse. This situation did not arise because they failed to specifically ask Jae if he wanted their help. (He kind of hinted that he did, in the first place.)

Jae. Oh Jae. You were pretty whiny in this quest, yourself. Moping about at the start and then blaming everything on the person who checked in on you. Look, on one hand, I felt genuinely bad for him. McGonagall threatening him with detention on his damn birthday when he's always in detention and specifically opened up about how this was the one day of the year that he didn't want to be stuck there...and what he do, exactly? Not what did he do that was wrong, what did he do, at all? He was given a present. He didn't ask for it. He was simply given a present, that happened to go extremely wrong. McGonagall, what on earth are you playing at? Jae literally did not do anything, and he's a Gryffindor, so he's just as screwed by the Fat Lady's desertion as the others. I know I sound like a broken record at this point, but wouldn't it have made far more sense for the teacher in this quest to be Snape? Might have taken a bit of tweaking, but it would have been worth it. Speaking of, they had the nerve to reference not only the Dragon Club quest, but the Torvus quest. Trying my patience, game...

But even though I felt bad for Jae at first, my sympathy evaporated when he was passive aggressive, and later directly aggressive toward MC. As if any of this was their fault. Okay, so they had the idea to try and help Jae on his birthday. So? What does that have to do with the Fat Lady abandoning her post, or the other Portraits refusing to play ball? What does that have to do with the obscenely unreasonable terms that McGonagall issued? She didn't just stick this task on Jae's shoulders, MC was roped in as well. They're in this boat together and Jae blaming MC, even in the low-energy way he goes about it...just rubbed me the wrong way. I know this day was important to him...and maybe my personal opinions are shining through, but...it's only a birthday. You can celebrate your traditions tomorrow, or the next day, just as easily.

Wasn't a fan of the ending either. I couldn't believe my eyes when McGonagall asked MC to describe "what they had learned" and that she would listen, and then "decide their fate." I beg your pardon but what?! That was not the deal we made. At all. By this point MC has been running about the castle, working their ass off, just to fix this problem that has nothing to do with them. They did everything McGonagall demanded of them. They actually succeeded at this fool's task. After all of that, McGonagall is still considering detention? I could ramble about how unreasonable that is, but I think that's pretty obvious. So instead I'll just ask...aren't Gryffindors supposed to be honorable? Isn't McGonagall the Head of Gryffindor? She's still claiming the moral high-ground as she breaks her word?

Beyond that, I hate this. I hate being told to kneel and kiss the ring. Might be taking this a bit too seriously, but it's the same nonsense as the Torvus TLSQ. The same final insult, where MC is forced to write up an essay about what they learned, about why they were in the wrong, and the asshole who started all this was in the right. Not only did MC have to put up with this endless nonsense, they have to show that they "learned their lesson" and agree that what they went through was right. Or it's off to detention with them. This is why I couldn't enjoy the final party. I wasn't invested in Jae's happiness, or in saving his birthday traditions. I didn't care. I don't even imagine Luca going, I think they'd just wish Jae happy birthday and head back to their dormitory.

Y'know, I'm not sure what they're trying to do with McGonagall. I've always said that Luca's character involves them eventually growing to distrust and dislike the Hogwarts staff, minus Flitwick. And I've always struggled to justify including McGonagall in that group. Because if you've the read the books, you know she's fucking awesome. But as of recent quests...I don't think it's going to be hard for me to justify it anymore. HPHM has given me plenty of ammo, plenty of reason for Luca to dislike her. After this, and the Dragon Club quest...The Teacher Appreciation TLSQ feels pretty sour.

[retconjuration]

elaborate on autistic lanque pls 🤲

oh, don’t mind if i do. before i begin:

this contains some major spoilers for hiveswap: act 2, and some minor spoilers for lanque’s friendsim routes(but those have been out for like three years).

disclaimer: i don’t care if you disagree, i’m not claiming this as canon, i am autistic and projecting.

now that that’s out of the way.

point one: possibly the most important thing to note is that lanque is incredibly good at masking. given this quote from his wiki:

“Lanque's writer has stated that both of his Friendsim routes are heavily exaggerated for comedic purposes, with one being more true to his actual personality. As shown by his attitude in Hiveswap: Act 2, it's heavily implied his NSFW route is the truer one. However, this leaves his personality to be drawn from his Friendsim routes to be dubious for readers to interpret what the actual "balance" of his personality is.”

the actual tweet has been deleted, but one of the assumptions that can be made from this is that both the sfw and nsfw routes are, in some way, true to his personality. this would mean that he is actively and drastically changing the way he interacts with the people around him according to the setting, or through imitation. effectively this would make him a social chameleon, another thing often attributed to autistic masking.

and the idea of constant masking fits, given his whole Thing- he’s already being set apart from all the other jades by his transness, and from how he acts in act 2(this will be mentioned later), he doesn’t quite enjoy this difference being pointed out. it would make sense that, given the opportunity to hide something that would lead to more attention(maybe more accurately, attention he doesn’t like), he would take it. this being said, i don’t think lanque sees his transness or unchecked neurodivergence as a bad thing- rather, he sees how other people treat him for it as annoying and something to avoid.

point two: lanque seems to have a very strange range of emotions. while he usually presents as very calm, when he does express true emotion(like when he’s caught off guard by the reader shouting for bronya), its often overstated, and in some cases, a total non sequitur from what came before. the way he reacts in the valid ending scene specifically reminds me of times when i have been startled out of masking- especially since he goes from formal prose straight to “what the fuck, dude?”

the only time he expresses emotions neurotypically is when he’s doing it through another medium(his poetry in the sfw route).

point three: lanque repeatedly is shown to not be the best at conveying or reading tone.

at the start of his sfw route, lynera ends up rambling on about something or other. it’s immensely awkward.

lanque doesn’t register it as such, and while this could just be attributed to sfw lanque’s overexaggerated kindness, i raise you: i’m building a case here, let me twist my evidence.

in his nsfw route, we have some gems such as:

lanque is shown to use a tone entirely unfitting of the words that he’s saying, and its specified that this demeanor is nearly indistinguishable from how he was acting before. could this just be an example of professional bitching? yes. play on my court for a second, though

and perhaps my favorite example of lanque totally misreading tone/a situation in general(which is both the aforementioned act 2 scene AND an example of his abnormal reactions to things) is the scene where joey asks lanque about the hatched2dance magazine from lynera’s locker. immediately, he (incorrectly, and without much reason except prior experience) assumes that joey’s intention was to harangue him about being a male jadeblood.

after joey specifies what she meant, he refuses to respond until xefros tries to actually ask him about being a male jadeblood, and lanque tells them to fuck off. personally i think this is as close to embarrassment as lanque will willingly show in public

point four: lanque is Painfully straightforward. this is obvious in the everything about him, but best summed up with:

lanque sees no use in not just saying what he means, which often leads to him being(often rightfully) seen as a bitch. again, it’s hard to say things for certain with what little content there is, but i wouldn’t be surprised if some of the things he says- for instance certain parts of his calling out lynera(mostly the parts about her talking shit, not the parts where he’s outright insulting her) were just intended as honesty, rather than animosity. this is a common trait in autism, but i see a lot of neurotypicals look over it because it’s seen as rudeness. ultimately he still uses that honesty to be a bitch on purpose on several occasions, so don’t take this as me saying he’s free of flaws or whatever

another thing i like to point out, though admittedly it’s much more of a stretch, is this bit where lanque has to ask for specification when joey uses a less direct method of asking him what he thinks of the other jades:

take that as you will

point five: mildly connected to point four, lanque shows possibly one of the most out-there forms of rejection when it comes to social norms. he’s able to skate by in the wider lens of alternia because people of most castes participate in shitty parties, but doing it as a jadeblood gives it an entirely different context.

he also(and this is maybe half speculation, but let me be) seems to have issues sticking with quadrants as a rigid construct. when bronya says this to lanque:

many people took it as evidence that lanque was abusive to his partners. and if people want to hold that headcanon, i really don’t care, because it can be an accurate reading of how he is presented in the nsfw route specifically. my personal opinion, however, given that his personality is said to be exaggerated in these routes, is guided by this section from his sfw route’s poem:

i believe that lanque is just extremely prone to vacillation, because he doesn’t truly grasp why quadrants are divided in the way that they are, only that others “press” him to do the dividing. thats autistic attitudes towards social constructs baby

point six(and here’s where the trial spoilers come in): lanque has a very unusual way of solving problems, apparently. when confronted with the issue of his impending ordeals and the idea of having to spend his life as a celibate space nun, lanque’s solution is.... to attempt to join a boy band, using the chaos of the trial(that He caused by stealing the book) as his cover. when joey presents this theory to tyzias(a theory that lanque confirms is more or less correct before chucking joey off of the train), she responds with:

meaning that not only are his problem solving skills out of the box to joey, but to other trolls as well.

there’s also something to be said about how little he values personal space, but i’m wary of claiming that as an autistic trait of his, and if it is, he is very purposefully weaponizing it.

oh, and point seven: i’m autistic and i want him to be

thanks for reading

[thegracelessfaceless]

If you are still doing matchups,, I'd be interested in a creepypasta one. I'm coming over from Elise blog.

So my name is Shay, I go by Whiskey because it's a preference in liquor on my end. I go by they/them pronouns, AFAB and I'm bi and omniromantic, I do have an mild preference for men or masc aligned people. I'm a Libra sun, Virgo moon and Aquarius rising. I'm also introvert (INFJ-A) and I'm constantly sleeply. I do have C-PSTD, Bipolar II and GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder).

I'm Caucasian/White and I stand at 5'9. I have celtic and Danish heritage, My family where vikings. I'm really tall and legs double the size of my torso, as in my thighs are as big as my torso in length, same with my calves. I call myself spider legs because of that. I have this natural like wolf cut going on that is this dark green with my roots be my natural dark chocolate brown hair. My eyes are hazel with gold flecks that shift in color which I found out is normal for people with hazel eyes. I paint my nails black a lot because I find the color pleasing. My build wise is like a rectangle like shape with broad shoulders. I'm pretty strong and I'm proud of my strength. I'm currently starting to get into shape and lose weight so I have fit shape but not like over for. Just the right amount of fat over my muscles. I have a lot of stretch marks,, mostly around my waist and my biceps. I call them my stripes or lighting marks. I have plans to get snake bite piercings and wear like the ring ones in them. I'm getting an tattoo soon that is like this and then I want a burning match tattoo on my color bone. My ears are piercing and I like wearing fake gauges, spirals and then the ratings that have the dangly stuff and cuffs with them. I also wear like those stereotypical hot topic chokers. I wear a lot of long sleeves and skinny jeans, I do like ripped skinny jeans. I also love flannels and black boots like doc martins or converse.

I think you can assume by the statement of me liking whiskey I am the rebellious sort which is true. I have drank a bit and tried weed, I don't do it anymore tho.I have been told if people don't know me and see me from afar I'm intimidating to approach. Even being spooky and intimidating, I promise I'm just a big softie. I usually assume the mom friend of the group with my friends. I always worry about them and make sure they take care of themselves. Sometimes I do it so much I forget to take care of myself. I'm really gentle and compassionate, along with being extremely empathetic. I can be stubborn and bit judgemental at times, mostly working off first impressions myself when getting to know each other. I have an hard time being insertive and putting my foot down with my boundaries, scared to lose people even if the hurt me. I'm an introvert through and through, liking to watch from the back and observe the way things go on around me. I do my best to be an optimist because I can't see the point in see everything wrong in this world, it helps me to see the good. I love going on adventures with my close friends and love being a chaotic bastard with them. My dnd alignment is chaotic neutral and I'm Hufflepuff. I do live by the saying do no harm but take no shit. But I won't hesitate to fight someone for the right causes.

I do always constantly look like I am going to funeral of some sort because I own nothing but black. The color makes me feel really comfortable but it's not my favorite color. My favorite color is green but I like sage green, forest green, mossy green, etc. The earthy greens are my favorites. I have a love for the forest and woodlands, finding a sense of home in the woods. I do love archery and something I'm definitely going to be picking up along with playing the drums. I also smoke herbal cigarettes as well as alternative to smoking.

I often get called a cryptid and at this point, I am just one. Cryptidcore, Midwest Gothic, and Pacific Northwest Gothic are my favorite aesthetics. I have a huge love for cryptozoology (the study of cryptids), parapsychology (the psychic phenomena and other paranormal claims), original creepypasta stories and to be honest anything like spooky and creepy. I want to be a mortician and I'm attending school for that. I also really love the dark, especially if I have some good music blasting through my earbuds. I am a sucker for long road trips and seeing things, filling the adventure heart I have. My favorite animals are coyotes and I also like horses. I like to write a lot as well.

Okay, first off, you sound so cool?! Like we should talk more 😃.

I match you with...

Hₑᄂₑ𝚗 ₒ𝚝ᵢ𝘴/ Bᄂₒₒ𝚍y Pₐᵢ𝚗𝚝ₑᵣ

(Not my art, unknown artist. Contact me with credit info!)

Helen gets the they/them pronouns. For the longest, the thought he was a weird girl. Then he had body dysphoria for a long time, and then he came to terms with his identity.

Helen is a Virgo to your Libra. Virgos admire Libra's clear mindedness and their drive for balance in all areas.

However, Virgos can have some trust issues. Just be there and patient with Helen. He'll get over those hurdles eventually.

Helen gets being an introvert, being one himself. He never had many friends growing up, his only close one being killed by bullies who then tried to blame it on him. Helen would be perfectly content if you two were the last people on Earth.

Helen loves how you look, like you're just 'classical' beautiful? He loves painting your eyes, trying to get that perfect mix of green and gold.

He recites Robert Frost to you because your eyes remind him of this poem:

"Nature's first green is gold/ Her hardest hue to hold/ Her early leaf's a-flower;/ but only so an hour./ Then leaf subsides to leaf/ So Eden sank to grief/ So dawn goes down to day/ Nothing gold can stay"- Robert Frost "Nothing Gold Can Stay"

Helen would enjoy painting your nails for you, maybe even painting little designs on them if you'd like

Helen would be so supportive in your fitness journey. He just doesn't want you to feel like you have to lose weight to please him or anyone else. He thinks you're perfect just how you are, just like he'd think you're perfect 50 pounds overweight or 50 pounds underweight.

Helen loves your stripes. Whenever you feel self conscious about them, he reminds you that the things that make a person attractive are groupings of flaws that work well with each other to make a beautiful face

OR

He tells you how the Chinese fill in cracked china and pottery with molten gold because the cracks make the piece more beautiful since it has more character.

Helen would love to design tattoos for you

He thinks it's sweet that you're Mom Friend™, but he's not going to let you drive yourself into the ground taking care of everyone else. So, now, you can't lift a finger around Helen. He waits on you hand and foot

He'll help you learn to be more assertive and stand up for yourself and what you believe in. He'll help you set boundaries and limits and he'll help you enforce them. One of his more important lessons is that you have no room in your life for people who hurt you, use you, or make you miserable.

Anyone that hurts you will be subjected to The Wrath of Helen Otis™

I feel like Helen wasn't a huge outside person before meeting you.

But between pictures on your camera roll of you and your friends' adventures and just listening to the way you speak about the Great Outdoors? He's intrigued as hell now and goes on a nature walk with you on an easy forest mountain trail, nothing too challenging or taxing.

And suddenly he just understood everything you'd been talking about.

A special activity he likes to do just the two of you is this: you think of and describe to him a cryptid and he paints it following your description. Then he listens to any stories or folklore for that cryptid.

Its normally exactly the way you pictured it in your head (it's actually pretty uncanny).

Thinks it's cool that you're going to mortician's school. He's always been interested in medicine, but can't tolerate all the patients. But a mortician... They do medical things and have the quietest patient that are just so agreeable! What a genius career path (seriously, I'm on a wait list for an interview with the coroners office (Low turnover rates 😑)

Helen also likes playing in paint worn you (but I'm thinking that deserves a whole post of its own)

Helen also likes to paint while you write (sometimes he paints you writing about him painting). Its beautiful, really. Just two people who love each other enjoying their hobbies together in companionable silence 😍

[bestworstcase]

farran rereads lost lagoon: chapters 16-17

back at it.

re: romance novel: “I saw a patch of red flowers, and I thought they would be striking against Cass’s dark hair. She wasn’t exactly a flower wearer, but maybe she’d let me pin one on her dress? The color would set off her fair skin so perfectly. And she could at least keep some in a vase by her bed. I refused to believe there was a person alive who didn’t feel better with freshly cut flowers in her room.” that’s gay rapunzel

i do admittedly have some ambivalent feelings about this passage. on the one hand it’s - yes, very gay. but also it feels to me like such a clear illustration of the difficulty rapunzel has with empathy and listening to other people when their experiences or expectations or needs diverge from hers; she acknowledges that cass isn’t into flowers, but follows it up with “but maybe i can get her to wear some anyway,” and of course there’s the whole refusing to believe anyone could feel differently about having flowers in their room than she does. and it also has this weird undercurrent of - god, i don’t know how to phrase it in a succinct way.

this specific passage was on my mind when i wrote this bit in moonless air chapter 4: 

Still. She plucks at the stitches of her jack-of-plate, self-conscious.

It’s the nicest thing she owns. Soft green velvet sewn over sturdy layers of canvas and steel. Armor. She’d saved up for more than a year to buy it for herself on the anniversary of her adoption two years ago, and at the time it had been nothing but a frivolous luxury. Stupid, really. She’d never had real reason to wear it in Herzingen, not for anything besides teaching herself how to move with its weight and entertaining ridiculous fantasies—but last night, Moira had intimated that their destination in Vardaros is fancy as well as dangerous. So the jack seemed… appropriate.

Sharp. She twitches.

Clothing—fashion isn’t– Cassandra’s always hated dresses. It’s a trait that demands a certain amount of indifference to what other people think of her appearance.

And she can do indifference. Cassandra has indifference in spades. But nobody’s ever paid her a compliment quite like that before: baldly appreciative. Straightforward. Not like all the times Rapunzel coaxed her into tolerating crowns of late-summer flowers because the colors look so nice with your complexion! and not like the Commander’s gruff praise for how grown-up she looked in the hideous pastel gowns that had come with the lady-in-waiting gig.

because – like, cass is butch, and “not a flower wearer,” and here in lost lagoon we have this passage where rapunzel expresses this pretty straightforward attraction to cassandra but in the context of imagining cassandra presenting in a much more feminine way than she is comfortable with - in a dress with flowers in her hair etc - and it just... rubs me the wrong way a little bit. and this is not to say like cass can’t be butch and put a flower in her hair but when it’s paired with rapunzel specifically acknowledging that cass doesn’t WANT to wear flowers then it - yeah i feel weird about this passage. 

and that translated into cass having a whole little crisis over being complimented for her appearance without implicit pressure to be more feminine for the first time ever

anyways

i still can’t get over the name monsieur lefleur 

rapunzel summarizes hervanian culture as “brash but can be funny; distrustful but not mean-spirited” so, basically, they are americans

she is feeling very Prepared to meet with them, in contrast to every other time she’s met with foreign dignitaries or nobility before this. eugene tries to warn her that cass is PISSED with her and she just brushes him off, as one does, by saying that cass is “not all bubbles and moonbeams” but that she is “a softy” inside. 

of course this leads up to cass blowing up and going off while rapunzel tries to calm her down and just - groan this line. 

“People don’t change! You told a criminal a detail that puts my entire future at risk!”

how many times have i said “cass doesn’t act this way in tts” i feel like it’s a constant drumbeat. but i have to say, again, that cass doesn’t act this way in tts. i don’t think it’s unrealistic for her to think like this, given that her father is essentially corona’s chief of police and she idolizes him, but i feel the need to reiterate that there is zero sign of cass having this mindset in tts proper. and it does sort of bother me when people read this into cass’s character because it undermines and delegitimizes her dislike of eugene in early s1. 

which like. tts itself sort of frames their mutual dislike as a mutual problem, but it’s... really not? and imo the best illustration of this is in this exchange from cassandra vs eugene: 

CASSANDRA: Unbelievable. Did you eat all the cookies?

EUGENE: I’m not a pig, Cassandra. I ate all of your cookies; I’m saving mine for later.

CASSANDRA: Ugh– you are nothing but a self-serving, inconsiderate, arrogant freeloader!

EUGENE: [scoffing] You know, I can rattle off insulting adjectives describing your personality, too, but to do so would imply that you actually have a personality, and I just wouldn’t feel right about doing that!

this is the dynamic every time they squabble in early s1. 

1 - eugene does something selfish or thoughtless - in this case taking all the cookies and milk for himself. 

2 - cassandra calls him out for it, and he doubles down, often taking a potshot at her in the process. 

3 - cassandra gets mad and calls his behavior what it is (self-serving, inconsiderate, arrogant)

4 - eugene gets defensive and insults her as a person, typically with variations on calling her icy / unfeeling / humorless / joyless. 

which is to say, their fights are initiated by eugene’s poor behavior, and cassandra attacks his behavior but eugene attacks cassandra herself. like, eugene is the dude who insults you and then goes “pfft why can’t you take a joke” when you get upset with him. that’s what this is. 

moreover, when eugene’s, for lack of a better term, residual flynn rider-ness starts to taper off, cassandra’s criticism of his behavior also tapers off, AND she gets much gentler about how she phrases this criticism once he starts to actually take it on board. but there’s no accompanying shift in the way eugene speaks to and about her - the jibes about her being humorless or cranky or soulless literally never stop and at no point does he ever seem to consider that cass might not appreciate them as much as he thinks she does. 

(to be clear, i don’t think they bother cass very much if at all - but they do create and reinforce a perception on eugene’s end that cass Doesn’t Have Feelings and the background radiation of that contributes to the toxicity that develops in season 2.)

like again, pulling from cassandra vs eugene here, eugene is extremely insulting towards cassandra even when he’s ostensibly coming to her defense: 

RANDOM THUG: Look at that, Fancy-Boots has got something to say!

EUGENE: Name-calling? Come on, we’re better than that, aren’t we? Sure, we could sit here and make fun of each other—tease Cassandra for her chronic joylessness, or me for my uncommonly good looks, or you for your poor dental hygiene, tragic fashion sense, robust body odor, and what are clearly woefully misguided decision making skills, but do you really want to go down that road?

ALL OF WHICH IS TO SAY - besides demonstrating an obvious willingness to give eugene another chance once he starts doing the bare minimum to not be a dick to her, cassandra doesn’t like eugene because eugene is an asshole to her and takes the enormous privileges he is given completely for granted. 

saying “well she doesn’t like him because he was a criminal and she doesn’t believe criminals ever change” erases that completely and reframes the conflict as cassandra treats eugene unfairly because of bigotry that she needs to unlearn. lost lagoon takes this even one step further in that lost lagoon eugene is genuinely trying to be responsible, he is taking his new lot in life seriously. he doesn’t need cass to tell him off for acting like an ass because he doesn’t act like an ass. he shows actual interest in getting to know cass and makes an effort to break through her hostility in order to get along. unlike his tts counterpart, lagoon eugene really doesn’t do anything wrong, and that makes cassandra’s intense hatred of him on the grounds that he was a thief look completely irrational and, like i said, bigoted. 

it’s just very frustrating to me.

anyways

rapunzel tries very hard to persuade cass that it’s actually totally fine that she told eugene the secret because she just can’t keep secrets from eugene (except the lagoon which she has arbitrarily decided is totes fine to keep secret and i am pretty sure this contradiction never gets pointed out) - and cass is having none of it, and of course arianna interrupts before anything can get resolved. 

they rush out and monsieur lefleur interrupts them, asking questions about the lost lagoon. he reveals that he heard an ~elegant cloaked person~ inquiring about it in the library. he asks for the book. they say no. the red herring smells to high heavens, and the chapter ends with rapunzel subtly telling cass to hide the book ~for the safety of the kingdom~ and oh my god i just can’t handle the low stakes. 

seventeen picks up from there with cassandra’s point of view; she’s suspicious of lefleur and angsts a lot about how she has no time to train and she needs to get out of corona yada yada. her plan is literally to just walk until she finds someone to hire her on as a guard which. lol. this kid.

i feel like this is the strongest passage in the whole book: 

She said there couldn’t be any secrets between Eugene and her. But why—especially when it meant sacrificing my future and everything I held dear? I’d read about romantic love in poems, and it seemed to me like a spell. Sounded great for the lovebirds, but what about the other people.

Did I just not matter in the face of this love, even though I had been the one to risk everything to show Rapunzel the world? Was I just supposed to fall on my sword because Eugene was uncomfortable that he didn’t have every last piece of information about Rapunzel?

she has a brief argument with owl, who is a pretty obvious stand-in for her own doubts / feeling that she truly belongs in corona and doesn’t actually want to leave. but she has no choice! but it’s stormy, so she can’t leave! oh no!

(i think if tts really strongly felt she had no choice but to free corona, a measly thunderstorm would not be enough to stop her.)

[tester2080]

The Leaving Cert is an awful system.

09/09/21

In case you are not from Ireland, the Leaving Cert(ificate) is the exam system that determines which uni we can get into. Rather than having a GPA via continual assessments or any sort of entrance exam or letter of application we simply have one set of exams. There are obviously other exams (such as the christmas and summer exams in other years), however, the Leaving Cert exam is the only one that matters.

When you take a subject you can either do ordinary or higher level. Ordinary level is easier but rewards less points, and higher level is more difficult, but rewards more points. A H1 is worth 100 points (except for HL maths which is 125) and is given if you get between 90 and 100%. A H2 is 88 points and 80-90% and so on. An O1 is 90-100% in an ordinary level subject but only 56 points. There are some weird changes to the system when it comes to medicine but I won't get into that right now. Universities award places based solely on the points you receive. This leads into the first problem.

Whilst the education experience is a multi year process (6 years in secondary school in our case), what determines your uni course is a single event, often just a single week out of many years of learning. This is insanity and leads to so many obvious problems. A person could be getting H1s throughout the year and forgot to study just one topic and end up with a H3 in the leaving cert at the end, and a H3 student could get lucky and study a topic that happens to come up and get a H1. Even a single grade can be the difference between getting into the uni you want and losing out. The leaving cert does not measure you abilities as a student, your effort, or even sometimes your ability. The leaving cert measures your memory and how well you can perform on the day. You getting 100% in every single subject for the past 6 years and a family member dies a few days before the exams and it absolutely ruins your mental state? Too bad. In the eyes of the university you are not a good enough student. You are a perfect student but got a bit nervous and stayed up a bit late the night before to get some extra study in and are tired the next day? Too bad. You've been getting 625 in every set of mock tests but on the day your mind goes blank with the incredible stress, the knowledge that one test will determine the rest of your life? Too. Bad. There are no exceptions to the hand of the points system and claw of bad luck. You cannot explain to the uni. They. Will. Not. Care. Nothing else is taken into account. Students will have bad days. That's just life, we're all human. However that must be accounted for. Nobody should miss out on their life's dream because of a single day. That is absolutely absurd.

When you ask someone what education is about t. There is a filter type system for different categories of posts and all that, so if you're interested in what I have to say, I'd recommend going there for the better experience. I also have no fucking clue how to use tumblr sof you ask them what the leaving cert is about they will say it's about getting into uni. Clearly there is a disconnect here. Where has education become so distorted that now it is nothing more than a way for universities to quickly and easily judge us? Education must be about teaching children, not for some uni test, but simply so they can become more knowledgeable, so they can get a thirst for information, so they can locate their strengths and weaknesses, so future generations can live better lives than we will. University selections must be nothing more than an afterthought. It is even worse when the leaving cert is a horrendously stressful system. We put ourselves through sometimes 6 years of stress and bad quality of mental health to make it easier for universities??? What a ridiculous idea.

The leaving cert isn't even a fair way to judge students. Here, I'll be able to determine how good you're likely to do in the leaving cert with two simple questions. Do you have a good memory? Are you good at maths? If you answered yes to both, the chances of you doing well are very high and if you answered no to both - well - the chances aren't quite as good. A huge amount of the leaving cert is simply a memory test. I know the state will talk constantly about how rote learning is discouraged and all that, but realistically that's not the case. Take for example the English paper. You get to know which poets might come and which poems you can use before the exam. This mean your teacher can simply write you a good sample answer and if you can remember it, that's at least a H2 for that part of the exam. And as for being good at maths - if you're good at maths you already have 3 subjects which you can say with reasonable certainty you will be good at - maths, physics, and applied maths. Students who aren't good at maths have nothing like this unless they are fluent in several languages. A big problem when you arises most of the non maths subjects are based on memory, and the ones not based on memory are based on maths. History? Memorising essays. Irish? Memorising poems. Biology? A lot of memorising. Physics? A lot of maths. Accounting? A lot of memorising. This continues throughout basically all the exam subjects, with only maybe one or two exceptions. I know someone who hasn't even started 5th year, and yet they already know they're screwed and have basically given up on their first choice course because they have dyscalculia and a terrible memory. They can try as hard as they want, study as hard as they can, but realistically, they aren't going to come close to someone with a good memory and are good at maths who put in the bare minimum effort. It's bizarre too, given the amount of jobs that don't require either maths or a good memory.

The subjects you can study in the leaving cert is also extremely limited. You have to study Irish, English, Maths, and a third language. In public schools you then basically have the option of History, Geography, Accounting, Business, Economics, Art, Music, Religion, Chemistry, Biology, Physics and DCG. There are no electives to try out things similar to careers you might be interested or anything like that. Now those that plan to go into business will be happy I'm sure, however, for most other people, the subjects have very little in common with the career you want to do. You're doing law? I suppose a business subject might somewhat help??? You're doing computer science? Maths is kinda related. Medicine? Biology sure, perhaps a little bit of chemistry? But at most 2 out of your 6 subjects will actually be any way relevant to your career. To make it even worse, public schools have subjects in blocks. This means there will 3 blocks of subjects and you pick one from each block. You're super good at both physics, chemistry, and business? Well too bad, there's a very high chance you won't get to study all 3, and you'll have to pick up geography or some other subject you have no interest in. In some cases all 3 of the subjects you like may be in the same block, meaning you'll have to pick up 2 subjects you have no interest in and will likely be worse at. Once again, simple luck plays a huge part in the leaving cert. Going into 5th year, the subjects you're allowed pick will likely change your eventual points by around 30 or possibly more. Furthermore, private schools provide a massive advantage, often with your chance of getting good grades being around 4 times higher. You were born with well off parents? Congrats, here's an extra 100 points have fun. Absolute insanity. The leaving cert is really just determined by luck every way you look at it. Now obviously luck plays a part in everyday life too, but the leaving cert basically caters to the lucky, and a whole lot could be done to reduce the benefit they have based on luck alone, rather than quality of character, or time studied, or effort put in, etc.

I suppose I've reached the stage where I should stop complaining and start giving actual suggestions for improvements then. Fine. Firstly, remove the idiotic one exam process. Instead have some sort of GPA system with continual testing, so it shows how good a student is on average, not just on their worst/best day. Increase the amount of uni places available so that getting into the uni and career you want becomes more of an afterthought, rather than a constant stress looming over you. Add more subjects and electives that will be relevant to the career the student is planning to go into. Make learning and discovering your strengths and weaknesses and just enjoying life in general a main focus. Give students time to relax and do sports outside of school, even in 6th year (which is something basically impossible to do under the current system). Allow the tests that determine the GPA to be open book. Make understand more important than simply memorising. Remove the subject block system so students can do all the subjects they actually enjoy and are good at. I believe that the single test system is one of the reasons that private schools perform so well, by removing that, I believe the scores wouldn't be so far apart. However additions restrictions, or even total banning, of private schools could be implemented. After all, surely everyone deserves the same quality of education. These are children and teenagers for gods sake. There shouldn't be a heirachy of education based on their parents wealth. All students should be given the same opportunities. Private schools largely do better due to having better teachers. There currently isn't a large enough supply of very good teachers to go around, and the private schools can simply buy up the majority of good ones. We should pay teachers more, a lot of people thinking about careers may be dissuaded from teaching, despite having a passion, due to the low pay. Many good teachers also go to places like Dubai thanks to the better pay. Overall in society, teachers are sort of dismissed as a profession, and if we wish to improve the lives of the next generations, this must change.

[haec-est-fides]

✨ Imperial Household Saturnalia Headcanons ✨

Welp, it’s the last day of Saturnalia today so I figured now or never on my hcs. Enjoy, and happy holidays -- whatever you celebrate!

Nero’s birthday is two days before Saturnalia starts, so his Household just kicks off the holiday early with a massive party.

The business-side of Triumvirate Holdings closes for the holidays the week Saturnalia starts and stays closed until after New Year’s, so the oblivious mortal employees just think that the company is really nice to give them so much (paid) time off.

Saturnalia is basically the one time every year that Nero will invite the other triumvirs and their Households to his tower in New York no strings attached.

Okay, one string attached: bring gifts!

Gifts are exchanged among the Households on the 23rd.

Regarding gifts, Nero gives his kids credit cards the week before Saturnalia and lets them go nuts. That said, they generally buy each other really dumb stuff -- lots of gag gifts and inside jokes.

All of the private / non-business floors of Nero’s tower are decked out beyond belief. There are fresh garlands and wreaths everywhere, with real gold and silver decorations. The entire place is lit with strands of white, gold, and purple lights.

Indoor trees are not a Roman tradition, they’re a Germanic one. Since the Germani definitely help decorate, that means they get a tree!

Saturnalia is one of the only times you’ll ever see the Germani genuinely smile or laugh btw.

Everyone wears garishly bright and colorful clothes and pileus hats are the norm. (Even Marcus dresses for the occasion. His siblings make him.)

Gambling is a traditional part of the festivities, but now this ranges from old Roman dice games to betting on modern board games and even video games. Everyone “gambles” candies, coins, and whatever else they happen to have in their pockets.

Still, this petty gaming can and has resulted in fights.

There’s a bit of rivalry between the Households, but all of the kids get along way better than the emperors do.

Many of the kids really look forward to celebrating Saturnalia in NYC because they rarely get to travel and see their “cousins”.

Some of the kids in Commodus’ and Caligula’s Households absolutely love Nero’s tower, but Nero’s Household are like “This is normal? That’s just an elevator?? Would you like to see the massive kitchen where we keep all of the snacks???”

All serious schemes and rivalries are converted into elaborate pranks during the week of Saturnalia. Nero’s kids have home field advantage, but the other Households adapt quickly.

As soon as everyone arrives in NYC and gets somewhat settled, the Households pick who gets to be the Saturnalicius princeps for the holiday (sort of like a Lord of Misrule).

The kids all bribe each other for “votes”, even though the winner is chosen by pulling a name from a hat. It still gets rigged because the kids will write other people’s names rather than their own. (Lucius hates being Saturnalicius princeps, so he’s easy to bribe.) The winner’s job is Chaos.

They used to choose by putting a coin in a cake, but the cakes got too elaborate and one of Nero’s kids (Livia, a daughter of Fortuna) kept finding the coin every year.

There’s a ridiculously extravagant dinner every night of Saturnalia, set out in the biggest ballroom in the tower to accommodate everyone. Dessert is served first.

A big part of Saturnalia is temporary “role reversals” -- which, in the ancient world, meant things like servants being served dinner by their masters. Surprisingly, Nero is pretty insistent on this dynamic shift, or at least on everyone being “equal” for the holiday. He thinks it’s funny. He’ll even “take orders” from some of the younger kids if it’s something small. (Don’t push it, though.)

All of the dryads and other servants in the Household(s) are, like the Imperial children, put on a level playing field with the emperor(s) for the week. While said dryads / servants are understandably more hesitant about it, a few of the kids (like Meg, Cassius, and Sabina) make the effort to be extra nice to them and include them in the festivities.

The week is taken off from all kinds of work, but there’s also no “justice” met out. This means that everyone can get away with a lot, but it doesn’t mean that the emperors (or even some of the kids) will forget. Everyone knows to watch their backs after Saturnalia if they did something really stupid.

Hm, some more character-specific holiday hcs…

Meg is a formidable pranking opponent and you do not want to get on her bad side. She and Luguselwa are masters of illusion and they use their secret alliance to their advantage. Meg also helps the dryads decorate their trees / plants, along with her younger siblings!

Cassius sticks by Meg a lot because he’s worried about getting pranked by the older kids. He’s also too sweet to want to prank anyone, so Meg tries to show him the ropes. Sabina and Livia have his back too, and they will hold grudges if anyone tries to cheat Cassius at any games.

Marcus gifts everyone cards with original mean / tacky poetry every year. He secretly loves Saturnalia, but he has to keep up his reputation as the edgy kid. He absolutely almost tears up when Aemillia gets him a new dagger and writes her own bad poem back at him. Vergil and the twins, Julius and Julia, also make sure to include Marcus in their various “poetry competitions” over the week, and he loves it.

Lucius tries really hard to relax, but he still ends up parenting everyone. If any of the kids have a problem, they know that Lucius will take it the most seriously and know how to fix it. Gnaeus, the Household’s “tech support” kid, can completely relate. The two spend a lot of time hanging out in one of their rooms, away from the chaos -- though they do come out of hiding to beat everyone at board games and win candy.

Aemillia tries to get all of her siblings (and most of her “cousins”) thoughtful gifts, so she definitely spends the most time gift shopping. She’s also the Dance Dance Revolution undefeated champion of the Household and will take on any physical challenge thrown at her even if she doesn’t care about the prize. Lucia and Marius are similar in that respect, and the three of them are known to have a serious (but fun) sibling rivalry.

As for the emperors…

Nero is generally content to step back and let chaos happen for a week. (Trust me, he needs the break.) However, he does carry a lyre / some other instrument with him at all times. He will jump at any chance to perform. He takes requests. (Everyone else either loves this or hates it. Some of the kids, like Sabina and Vergil, make genuine requests and that earns them major brownie points with Nero. Other kids will make joke requests just to annoy everyone else.)

Commodus doesn’t like being cooped up indoors, or the cold, so he spends a lot of time engaging in competitive activities to keep himself busy. He denies losing to any of the kids, but sometimes does. He organizes (non-lethal) war games and gladiator matches (because of course the tower has a floor for that). He thinks paintballing and laser tag are festive.

Caligula is extremely enthusiastic about Saturnalia, but he still manages to be terrifying. He goes all out with his outfits every single day. He also helps the kids set up pranks, basically playing all sides of the prank war -- and making said pranks at least 3 times more dangerous than they should be. Caligula is the most difficult triumvir to prank, because he’s so paranoid and knows every trick in the book, but some brave souls still make the attempt.

Now, almost all of the kids in Caligula’s Household are too scared to prank their emperor. Likewise, almost all of Nero’s kids are too scared to prank Nero. Commodus’ kids aren’t scared to prank anyone, but they’ve picked up on Commodus’ animosity with Nero. This means that A) if anyone pranks Caligula, it’s probably Nero’s kids, B) if anyone pranks Nero, it’s probably Commodus’ kids, and C) everyone pranks Commodus. (Sorry, Commodus.)

Io, Saturnalia, all! <3

[mirrorforevers]

silently • graham coxon/reader

this is a direct result of this prompt right here

don’t b sorry love, we’re all horny here. this prompt immediately took me out of my writer’s block so yeah gsdjsdhgsdj it was a blessing! tysm for sending it n i rly rly hope u enjoy reading it as much as i did writing it aaaaa i literally couldn’t stop. this one has a special place in my heart now.

also please tell me whatchu think abt this one on my askbox! unbeta’ed bc i love danger

word count: 2.809

warnings: smut. shameless, fast paced fluffy smut.

You couldn't understand why the hell he was so nervous. On the way to your parents' home he asked more questions than a 4-year-old on their way to a park - what are they like, what do they like to do, do they know Blur? Do you think they will find my shoe ridiculous? I'm sure they'll think I’m a weirdo. What did you tell them about me? Even the many kisses you gave him were not enough to calm him down, leaving you to assure him that even if your parents didn't like him - which would be impossible, Graham was never better and more pleasant to live with - you would continue to like him. Very much.

Couldn't live without him, actually.

When you arrive at the door, your mother greets you with a wide, surprised smile - it didn't even seem like she had been begging to meet Graham for months and meticulously planned every minute of the time you would spend together. Her friendly posture seemed to make him more comfortable, the fact that your father was traveling also ended up making him more relaxed. “Dads are always frightening,” he’d say. He agreed to spend the rest of the night there after having an extremely pleasant dinner.

While he does the dishes, you and your mother clean the table when you decide to stop by the kitchen to talk to your boyfriend.

"It wasn't that difficult, was it?" You ask, a daring tone in your voice.

He smiles sheepishly. "Everything went significantly better than I thought it would, honestly."

“You did well. Not that she is hard to please, but you are really sweet.” You kiss him on the cheek. (It's so cute how he still blushes at these things after months of dating.)

"Thank you, love."

"I mean it. I think you deserve a gift for being like this.”

He looks at you, starting to pay even greater attention to the direction of the conversation. “And what do you have in mind?”

You whisper in his ear in the most seemingly innocuous tone you can feign. “I, for one, think you should fuck me senseless in the room upstairs.” He smiles, gaze a little lost in his surroundings as it usually goes whenever he’s pleasantly disconcerted by your dirty talk. Your hands travel his body subtly under his shirt. He hisses: “Can’t wait.” His voice is weak. You love to tease him like that.

You give him a little peck where his mouth and cheek meet – and then you motion to leave after a wink. “See you in a few minutes.”

“Babies, sorry to interrupt,” your mom arrives at the door, instantly killing off the whole mood you’ve created. “I forgot to tell you, but some other people from our family will be here in a few minutes. We’re not done yet!”

Graham’s really confused. You shrug and give him some context – “My family just loves gatherings in general. And they’re excited that I have a boyfriend now, apparently.” To which your mom points: “Exactly! They want to meet you too, Coxon!”

You can feel the anxiety building in him again already. He’s so uncomfortable it hurts, and you know his head is spinning. He doesn’t want to let you down, and after your mom leaves, you go back to calming him down again. “Baby, it’s okay, I promise. If you­’re too overwhelmed we--”

“No, no. I signed up for this. I’ll be okay. I’ll have a drink or two…”

You completely discard this possibility. No associating alcohol to social abilities anymore after everything he went through because of it. “No. We’ll find other ways to calm you down.” After some seconds of a silent yet intense brainstorm, you have an idea. But you won’t tell him. “Ok, I know what to do to take your mind off the pressure. Just wait and see, and no beers, alright?”

“Alright… I guess.”

After giving him yet another peck while he finishes cleaning the plates, you quickly run upstairs to change from the tight jeans and band shirt you’re wearing to a very light and flimsy sundress. And that’s all the clothing you choose. It fits you well, and leaves not much to the imagination. You know it’s a family gathering, but it’s also summer, so no severe dress codes were being enforced in any significant way.

He reads your mind the moment he sees you in the dress, shaking his head in pleased disbelief at the sight. He mouths a small “you didn’t” while a stupidly joyful smile slowly shines over the tight expression of worry he once had. To which you mouth back: “I did.” You then go back to playfully teasing each other a bit while you take care of the sudden assembly’s preparations.

Your family members arrive and, as expected, they’re really thrilled to meet your guy. Graham answers so many questions, and ends up sharing so much of how he feels about you with them, and bit by bit, the warmth and wholesome aura of your closest relatives makes him feel truly welcomed. He feels like he knows you even better now, now that he knows where your energy and vitality come from. He could see bits of your personality in every single one of them – of course you are still the splendid whole, but still. It made sense.

Also, you noticed he didn’t take his eyes off you the entire time. He was hungry and you’re glad your plan worked. It was easier to forget about how hard sociability is when his mind was somewhere else.

After a while, though, you could sense him getting fidgetier. Even though he was considerably and visibly more relaxed than he was a few hours ago, that amount of social interaction, specially while sober, still drained a lot of his energy. You take his hands, announcing you two were getting something else to eat. You go to the kitchen, not bothering to turn on the lights, and though the house is empty you two could still hear the enthusiastic discussion your family is having outside, slightly drowned by the distance and the walls separating you now.

“You did so great, baby.” You smile, giving him a victory kiss while he envelops you in a tight hug. He’s proud of himself too, and he deserves to feel like that. “They love you already.”

“They’re just like you, in a way. I’m glad everything went well,” he sounds relieved, still tired, but relieved. “I couldn’t stop thinking about that proposal you made me earlier, though.”

“I know,” You plant a chaste kiss on his jaw. “I felt your eyes on me.”

This second kiss he gives you feels different. It’s longer. Famished. Purposeful. His hands are friskier now, traveling hastily throughout your body, and you alternate between giving in and becoming progressively more alert of your surroundings. You can have an idea of where this is heading. The swirling of his tongue around yours makes you dizzy, and the feeling somewhat akin to an electric shock – but milder, and definitely more carnal – that flows through your body when he bites your lower lip and brings your hips closer to his brings you back to reality. “We have to be careful,” you whisper, each of your lips just barely touching while you breathe each other’s air.

“I promise I’ll be. You look delicious in this dress, I… don’t know where to start.” He cups your cheeks while drawing imaginary lines across your lips with the tip of his thumbs.

“Think fast. Never took you for a quickie guy.” You chuckle.

“I like to take my time, yes, but some things can’t wait.”

And with that, with the dexterity and carefulness of a cat, he sinks to his knees in front of you, lifting up your dress with one hand and one of your legs with the other, your leg now resting on one of his large shoulders. He takes hold of your hips, angling you toward him. You hiss in anticipation, and you can feel your core burning in expectation too. Your hands now firmly grab the counter behind you for support while you turn behind you with attentive eyes to see if no one’s coming. You’re safe, for now. The thrill of getting caught is one that will never get old.

His eyes seek yours for reassurance. You, without a word, give it to him. You both look lovely bathed in moonlight. He teases you first, kissing and sucking at the skin on your inner thighs, moving closer and closer to your center until after a couple minutes of that sweet agony his lips graze across that aching part of you.

He flicks his tongue delicately through your folds, playing with your wetness. The way his hands caress your lifted thigh so delicately while his tongue inscribes poems to your clit is something that makes your stomach flutter, you simply can’t ignore those tiny adorable actions that make loving him so addictive and rewarding. Keeping yourself silent and struggling to remain somewhat composed to anyone who might see you from outside is a painfully arousing contradiction to the sensations you’re feeling. He’s doing his best to fuck you up, gradually setting a rhythmic pace to his movements with the intent to release the spring now starting to coil tightly low in your abdomen.

“Jesus, Gra—f-fuck. Fuck.” You whisper, breathlessly, while simultaneously suppressing a moan when he delves his tongue even deeper in your core, your fingers instinctively curling and closing a fist on his hair, making him groan. You buck your hips against his lips and you can feel sweat beading on the backs of your knees, heart threatening to jump out of your mouth by how fast it’s racing.

You suddenly freeze when you hear a voice from outside approaching the kitchen and you lightly tap his shoulder. Graham stops on command, but he won’t get up until he’s absolutely certain he should. He sprinkles your thigh with small kisses again, eyes droopy with the high from giving you the pleasure he knows he’s giving you while he admires you. The person heading for the kitchen takes a turn to the opposite side and you sigh in relief. “False alarm. Go on, baby.”

“Yes, ma’am.” You notice he’s panting, and you can only guess how hard he is, judging by the tone of his voice. The time you spent frozen wasn’t enough to completely burn out the fire he’d already created within you, but he’s determined to give you an orgasm before anyone can interrupt you again – now he had two fingers moving, stroking, curling inside of you in delightful ways while his tongue began to work your clit in tight little circles. You could feel him moaning against your sex, he really liked this. And fuck, he was good at it. He slips one more finger into you, his ring finger, making your pleasure soon explode into a trembling climax. You couldn’t stop the little sound you made and he kisses your thigh in reply while still lazily fucking you with his fingers. “So fucking beautiful,” he whispers.

One of your hands move to your mouth in order to cover the sound you really want to make. Graham, once again, looks really proud of himself.

He slowly pulls his fingers out of you and cleans them with his tongue before he lifts up again as inconspicuously as possible. You try to look like nothing happened, and you’re both glad that, apparently, no one’s giving a single fuck to whatever’s going on where you are. Given the realization, you look at each other and giggle. He then pulls you in a hug, voice husky when he teases, and confesses, “You can’t imagine how bad I want to fuck you right here. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“We’ll have to take this to the bedroom, love.” You reply, still recovering from your orgasm. You can’t risk more than you’ve already risked. He looks slightly…

Disappointed.

You smile. “You thrill-seeking bastard. You enjoyed this way too much, didn’t you?”

“Didn’t you?” He questions back, tickling your sides, a wide, satisfied smile on his face. God, you loved him so much. He pulls you back to him again, and you turn to the other side so he can grind against you from behind. He’s rock hard. “We have some thick curtains here, after all.” You say, mischievously, before you close the curtains as carefully as possible. He lifts up your dress once again, this time high enough so he can fill his hands with your breasts, and he, agonizingly slowly, teases your nipples with his fingertips while he keeps grinding against you. This, alone, gets you motivated enough for another round. “God, Coxon, you’re going to be the death of me.” Your voice’s painfully needy, just like every other part of you.

You spread your legs a little wider to give him better access to you. Feeling cool air against your bare ass, you bite your lip and screw your eyes shut when his hand squeezes your butt. “Dripping wet for me. You’re glistening.” He quietly notes, giving your butt a little kiss - you then look over your shoulder to watch him get his jeans open. His hard cock bounces against your ass as he pushes his boxers down. You wiggle to get him inside you while he tortuously slowly runs the tip of his cock between the slick folds of your pussy. When it bumps against your sensitive clit, you can’t stop the mewl of his name.

After a few more hard breaths, he was inside you. You’re hungry for him too, and the sound of your body clashing against his is something unbelievable. You begin in a faster pace than the one you’re used to – and that’s not a problem. At all. Speed is of essence, but you’re also starving for each other. It feels like no contact is ever 100% enough.

Your hands keep firmly gripping the balcony and when he lowers his chest against your back you can’t hold back the involuntary gasp that leaves your throat and echoes through the empty house. One of his large hands holds your hips in place while he fucks you mercilessly, the other one covers your mouth hastily – his shaky voice betrays how badly this is affecting him too. “Shhh, love. You don't want anyone seeing you in that state. So fucking tight around me.”

He was sinking more deeply into you with each thrust now, and trying to keep your eyes open while his now awaken dominant side is doing that to you, exactly the way you want him to, is torture. You feel like you’re going to pass out from the all the sensorial and contextual stimulation. “You want me to come inside you, baby?” To which you keenly reply with a nod, not bothering to uncover your mouth. This was perfect.

He edged his hips back so he reaches your most sensitive spot and his grip on your mouth constricts when he notices how loud you want to be. “Feels like a dream inside you but keep. Quiet.” His voice lowers to a breathy whisper against your throat and the hands that were holding your hips in place now snaked to the front of your body to help you get off. And like that, you do, coming a second time, this orgasm even more intense than the last. The way your walls twitch around his dick is enough to push him over the edge too, and you feel him spilling inside you. You milk him of every drop, and after you both ride off your high, you feel a tender kiss that lasts for a while in your scalp, a silent “thank you” while he slips out of you.

You put your dress back on place, trying to compose yourself before you can look another human in the eye again. You have a positively overwhelmed, just-woke-up-from-an-incredible-dream look on your face. “You better not get me addicted to this kind of risky shit.”

He laughs while he also does his best to look like not one hair or piece of clothing ever went out of place. “Sorry, Y/N, I think I already did.”

[wickedpact]

i was gonna mention that like, for the sake of the Role, nicky has to pretend to be indifferent/maybe even slightly cold towards andy’s suitors, but i chose not to, but reading ur addition (esp the bit where nicky is tearing up but still saying the poem suck) i feel like you GOT the vibe i was putting down without me even needing to say it.

NICKY TAKING CARE OF THE LAMB. STOP. i’m just picturing him giving it a nickname that somehow relates to joe (personally i’m thinking like “my little heart” bc... he misses joe. and he absolutely lets it sleep on his bed (even if he’s woken up to it unintentionally trying to smother him by deciding to sleep On His Face.) also nicky and joe will (not often to not risk their covers, but on occasion. when they have the chance) have secret rendezvous. during one of their rendezvous, joe interrupts a rather perhaps, heated kiss, to ask “why do you smell of farm animal?” and nicky’s just [sweats nervously, thinking of how he’s lowkey turned his room into a bit of a barn like vibe to make the lamb more comfortable] - 2ta

nicky trying REAL HARD to pretend to hate joe and book but hes NICKY hes AFFECTIONATE hes WHERE THE LOVE IS STORED so like booker will give andy a gift during a ball & nicky will smile at him and wave goodbye when he goes and someone’s like ‘awww, youre getting used to the idea of having monsieur (idk why im stuck on monsieur , its victorian so itd prolly be in england??) le livre becoming your brother in law, eh?’ and nicky’s like [immediate pocker face] ‘No.’

nicky calling the lamb Curly bc a lot of sheep have curlyish wool and joe... curls... hair.. yeah. hes constantly telling annabella shes not as good of a cuddle partner as joe is

SOME MAID CATCHING JOE AND NICKY IN THE ACT and being like [GASP] and joe and nicky are just like oh boy here it comes and

maid: you two were FIGHTING over monsieur al kaysani attempting to win lady andrea’s hand!!!

joe:

nicky:

nicky:

joe:

nicky: ..right.

joe: right!

nicky: we were wrestling

joe: he was losing

nicky, flushed to his hairline: i was not

joe: --and hes very embarrassed about it. so if you could do monsieur di genova and his delicate sensibilities a favor and not tell anyone about this. that would be. Super Fucking Swell actually

and it actually works.

  also, another thing i feel goes without saying, is that nicky’s appearance in this setting is similar to that of Luca’s look in a dangerous fortune. a direct follow up to that - one thing they DIDNT plan for is that at least a few young women end up falling for dear unsuspecting nicolò, and at least one of them tries to openly court him.

(joe: “well, of course they’ve fallen for you, nicolò. they do have eyes after all. and hearts, and well, you certainly are more than capable of charming both of those things.”)

nicky might not realize at first, but he doesn’t really mind when he does realize (he’s not some blushing schoolchild) but what he does feel is mostly... bad for them? because obviously he’s not going to ever requite the feelings. and he doesn’t want to hurt their feelings or lead them on. - 2ta

SDFGHJK the four of them planned the Drama very carefully. andy will have joe and booker mooning over her so she wont have to deal with Actual Suitors (bc miss theron is obviously gorgeous) and joe and booker courting andy will mean no one will question why they dont have wives as old as they are. of course no one gives any thought to nicky not having a wife bc idk [checks notes, throws dart at wall] nicky ‘apparently and regularly passes as a 20 y/o’ di genova looks young enough for it to not matter. whatever

but NONE of them considered NICKY getting suitors (suitoresses? suitresses? is suitor a gender neutral word? idk who cares) and hes constantly fending them off with a compassionate, gentle, extremely homosexual stick. joe watches in the background, laughing his ass off

[jennibeultimate]

Legends of Gymnastics: Q & A with Evgeniya Kanaeva (RUS)

19/02/2021

From 2009 to 2012, Rhythmic gymnast Evgeniya Kanaeva (RUS) proved nearly unbeatable, but the Omsk-born superstar never got ahead of herself. “I never thought I was the best, even when I was winning,” she says.

The secret to success in Rhythmic Gymnastics, as explained by one prestigious Russian coach, goes like this: should you win a competition, while you are on the medal stand you should enjoy your moment, for you have worked hard and been recognised for it. But from the instant you step down from it, the counter resets to zero, and you must work like you have never won anything at all.

Evgeniya Kanaeva was educated in this school of thought, and the philosophy was one she embraced throughout her long and extraordinarily successful career. “I never thought that I was the best, even when I was winning,” the 2008 and 2012 Olympic champion explained in a recent interview with the FIG.

Yet win she did, and a lot: in the years between her Olympic Games, Kanaeva rarely lost a competition. In 2009, she became the first gymnast in any FIG discipline to sweep the golds at the World Championships, a feat she repeated in 2011. She also swept the podiums at The World Games 2009 in Kaohsiung (TPE), the only Rhythmic gymnast in three decades of Games history to do so. Her results in Kaohsiung lifted her into the finals of The World Games Greatest Athlete Of All Time competition earlier this year, where she finished sixth among 24 stellar athletes in a public vote.

An adaptable, collaborative gymnast, the young Kanaeva earned the nickname “Mother Teresa” for her kindness and willingness to help others. For herself, she reserved a fastidiousness and work ethic that surpassed everyone around her. Yana Kudryavtseva, the world champion from 2013-2015, once said she learned what it meant to work hard from watching Kanaeva train. Kanaeva looks back on those days with nothing but pleasure. “I really love Rhythmic Gymnastics! Sometimes I did not even notice the difficulties because I was doing what I loved,” she said.

A true student of the sport, Kanaeva diligently analysed recordings of her work and strove to learn from her teammates as well as her international rivals. “I was very lucky with my coaches and the people who surrounded me. And there was also a little help even from those people who criticized me - and there were a lot of them - because of the inner spirit of competition inside our team,” she confided. “Their criticism helped me in drawing attention to my weaknesses, and I took advantage of it, tried to work even harder and fix it so that there were no faults to be found in me.”

After retiring from the sport following her successful Olympic title defense in 2012, Kanaeva became a coach, which has allowed her to savor every victory her young protegees achieve. In this Q&A, edited for clarity, the Omsk native revisits her past and present in the sport. “I love my job, and I am the happiest person ever because I do what I love,” she said. “When I work with people, I experience emotions with them, I get more adrenaline, I share every success with them, I support them in difficult situations, I teach them to overcome obstacles and not to give up. I continue studying together with them.”

Would you say that your character as a gymnast and your character as a person were different?

Evgeniya Kanaeva: “I think no, not different. In life, I am sociable, active and quite patient. And in sports, it helped me a lot. Sociability helps when you work in tandem with a coach and you listen to each other, it gives good results of your work. Purposefulness was also there; I really liked to achieve goals, starting with the appearance and techniques (like mastering new elements), although it was sometimes extremely hard, it's worth it. I also loved watching our coaches celebrate our success together, no matter if it was a new element, a ‘perfect’ routine or winning a competition. My self-criticism has been with me all my life, in sports, too. Maybe it helped to some extent, but I was never happy with myself as a gymnast and as a person. I am very emotional. In the gym, there were flashes of emotions, and frustration, and fatigue… after all, my sports career was quite difficult, and there were different stages, and ups and downs.”

Did you have a lot of contact with fans as a gymnast? What is the nicest thing someone said to you about your Gymnastics?

E.K.: “I did communicate with them! And that really motivated me! It is inexplicably pleasant to perform when your name and your country are chanted, and you feel you are ready to move mountains and do incredible things. They gave me a lot of handmade gifts, talismans, poems. In fact, there are a lot of fans, but each one is in my heart. Relatively recently, a girl came up to me and asked me to hug her. Then she burst into tears on my shoulder and told me that my performances had helped her survive a most severe injury. It inspired her to get on her feet again and overcome difficulties. It moved me to tears…”

After your success in Beijing, what made you decide to continue?

E.K.: “I was interested in going through the entire Olympic cycle as a senior gymnast. Most likely, it was a challenge for myself. But I initially had no plans to retire after Beijing. I was too ‘hungry’ for sport, and I felt that I had not done everything I could yet.”

In which period of your career did you experience the most difficulties?

E.K.: “In 2006 – 2007, when I started my senior programmes, it was not easy. That was the moment when I started performing together with the girls older than myself and needed to look good at their level. There was still no confidence in whether I could reach such a high level. Then, after the first Olympics, the new rules were accepted, and it was terribly hard both mentally and physically to continue my sport career after the success.”

You won so often that many considered you unbeatable. Did that bring pressure or confidence?

E.K.: “The pressure was indeed there, I understood that if I was to be the leader, I had to work even harder and invent even more new things, so that not to bore the audience and the judges. Victories give you more confidence, but they are a test of strength. I didn't consider myself invincible and I understood that if it was not me, it would be another gymnast.”

Was your second Olympics in 2012 easier than your first?

E.K.: “Both were very difficult. At the first Olympics, there was a difficult selection. Initially, at the end of 2007, I was not supposed to be included in the national team, and it seemed that it was not really possible to compete at the Olympic Games. But then there were more and more competitions, and I started taking part in all Grand Prix and World Cup events. There was no limit to my happiness; I did love to perform, and I no longer thought about whether I could go to the OIympics or not, and I just enjoyed the moment. In accordance with the sport principles, I was included in the Olympic team. I didn't understand what was going on around me at the time. And there were people who did not believe that I would perform well at the OIympics. Of course, it was all very difficult psychologically.

At the Olympic Games I was completely euphoric that I was there, and for me it was like a fairy tale. My coaches helped me then, so that I could mentally withstand this load. Vera Shtelbaums said ‘Go and perform as if it’s a school competition’. She understood that I was a very responsible person, and she tried to calm me down. Irina Alexandrovna Viner [Russian national coach] told me, ‘Forget about your responsibility and just perform.’ It was all very calm and comfortable. Only the first routine was a bit nervous, and I thought my heart would blow up! And then, thank God, everything went well.

The second Olympiad was very difficult too, as there was a lot of competition within the national team, and you just do not have the right to relax. My teammates were younger than me, and they had not yet experienced what victories meant. And they had a great thirst to win. I am very grateful to each of them - we grew together as athletes, and we were progressing from one competition to another one. But the desire to get to the second Olympics and achieve my goal was still growing in me. All the difficulties that were on my way made me stronger.”

When you win so much, do you feel obligated to maintain your level in order to continue winning? Did you struggle with this?

E.K.: “Yes, it's a big responsibility, because everyone expects something new from you. When you are the leader, and if you want to remain the leader, you must surpass yourself with each season, surprise with new elements and images. I really loved the process itself, and I liked to come up with new elements. I always wanted to do something that was difficult to repeat.”

How has Rhythmic Gymnastics changed between 2012 and now? How do you feel when you watch the sport today?

E.K.: “It has changed significantly. Gymnasts are now working at a very high speed. They began handling their apparatus more masterfully. Body and apparatus difficulty scores have become unlimited. Girls often try to do as much as possible to gain more apparatus difficulty and earn more points. And it is very difficult to combine complexity with artistry and create a masterpiece in your composition. Of course, very few gymnasts can now demonstrate their individuality. Very few of them will take risks and spend a lot of time and effort on working out original complex elements and images. But those who can do it deserve delight and respect! I understand how hard it is to work every day and what a commitment it is for gymnasts, coaches, choreographers and all the team staff.”

[riverdalenerdlol]

Story time

For a glimpse into the insanity that currently is my life, look no further than underneath the cut

I think I've told everyone how I got hit by a deer. I was doing night land navigation during Army field training exercises, and I was doing it alone because I was being assessed on it. I find one grid coordinate, then I walk into the pretty dense woods to find another. To be honest, I was more afraid of stepping on or even seeing a snake rather than anything else that could've happened. And I also didn't like being out in the dark, alone.

Just to make things better, my headlamp dies. So now I'm standing in the middle of the woods, without a consistent amount of light. Amazing.

Eventually I find a little bit of a clearing in the trees where there's a good amount of moonlight coming down and it allows me to see my map. Still, the foliage towers at LEAST 6 inches above my head. All I can see is my map and the trail I've made through the tall ass foliage behind me. I essentially have blinders on because of how thick and tall the plants were.

I've been standing there for a good while without making any noise, so nature starts to - as we call it - "reset". Animals start coming back into the area, the bugs are louder, etc. It's like I'm not there (plus I'm wearing camouflage from head to toe with just a reflective belt on my back - it's like I don't exist). I think I was just standing there for 5-10 minutes - I don't remember.

I hear rustling coming toward me, and my first thought is that it's a person, because why wouldn't it be. It gets a little louder, and then I notice it speeds up. As it gets closer to me, I prepare to come face to face with a person, but when the plants part it's a goddamn DEER FACE I'm looking at, running through the area. Next thing I know I'm on the ground, looking up at the sky, and it steps on my leg as it runs right through me.

The entire experience is absurd and hilarious, and you should definitely laugh at me. I deserve it. My band director laughed at me, as he should, because it's the funniest thing that could have happened.

Before I go further, I want to make a few things clear. 1 - I am okay. I suffered a few bad bruises, and this may have caused the hamstring strain that I currently have. I am only slightly traumatized by this experience that NO ONE will let me live down. 2 - It was a doe, not a buck. I would be dead if it were a buck. 3 - No, I was NOT able to tackle it like many of my male friends have suggested I should have done. I first saw it when it was six inches in front of my face.

Flash forward to two nights later - I asked my French professor for an extension on a sonnet I was supposed to write so I could do it after I was done with field training, not before. This IS relevant, I promise. Running out of time until midnight, I say "fuck it" and I proceed to write my French sonnet about getting hit by a deer in the woods.

Make no mistake, the poem doesn't really deviate too much from what actually happened, except for the part at the end where I added some jibberish about how getting hit by a deer can remind you of how small you are in comparison to the universe. I needed some bullshit meaning for this damn sonnet. I finish writing it in about two hours, and it's a lot better than I thought it would be considering I'm bullshitting an assignment but it's good bullshitting. I do this stuff all the time - I am so good at bullshitting assignments. I submit the poem, and I forget about it completely.

Then... two weeks later... my professor GRADES the poems.

This is where the story goes from funny to hysterical.

I've got to be honest, this poem actually slaps. For something that I bullshat so hard, this poem goes off. I may share it eventually, but not yet.

I notice a few emails late Friday night, but I'm on fall break so I don't really check them. Eventually I do check them, and there are comments on the document I submitted. She left comments. I brace myself for the worst, but...

My professor loves it. SHE LOVES IT. What the fuck?

Might I remind everyone that this poem is about GETTING HIT BY A MOTHERFUCKING D E E R. I only added some sort of existential meaning BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU WRITE POETRY. Jesus Christ. She loves it. It's literally titled THE DEER AND THE GIRL. It's about ME getting HIT by a DEER.

Here's a direct quote (translated, ofc): "This is one of the best poems I've read in a long time. You are extremely talented. (...) Magnificent."

WHAT THE HELL

I BULLSHAT THIS POEM SO FUCKING HARD

So I freak out about this, because it shouldn't be so good, because it's not supposed to do so well for something I didn't even TRY doing.

Still, it does slap (I think it's better in French, but that's just me).

Flash forward to today.

I have French class, so I go to it (even though I skipped my Poli Sci class because I was tired AF - took a nap on a makeshift bed instead). I am told by my professor she wants to speak to me after class.

I haven't really performed well on her quizzes and exams, but I do pretty well on regular assigments, so I imagine it's about that or the times I've turned in stuff late, which she hates.

At the end of class, I finally get to talk to her.

This woman is SIMPING OVER THIS POEM. And...

She wants me to enter a poetry competition *facepalm*

I'm *magnificent* and I have *so much talent* and etc, etc.

I'd like it known that I was the only one she pulled aside for this. Others had to rewrite theirs, but NOT ME.

She made me promise her I wouldn't stop writing (she didn't say poetry so I just took it in general terms)... and OH if she knew that I wrote fanfic I think she'd have a heart attack.

Anyways. Yeah. Shit's crazy.