#or is he actually a fan of any type of animal besides monkeys

[askblueandviolet]

MACAQUE, TAKE THIS *gives macaque a cat with a missing eye* I found it for you :)

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[mistydeyes]

I would love a mw2 pairing from you! i love your work sm!!!

appearance wise: I am 5’4, i am pale-ish, my hair is dark brown and wavy, it has a lot of volume from being frizzy + i have layers, and it’s armpit length. my eyes are dark brown as well and i have full eyebrows/lashes. I would definitely say i’m on the chubbier side, most noticeably in my round face, 🍒, and thighs. covered in quite a few scars but most of them are faint and only visible up close. in my day to day i wear small silver hoops almost always, and usually my clothes consist of bell bottom jeans and some sort of form fitting shirt / an oversized shirt or sweater and shorts + low top converse. also wear makeup almost daily, at least concealer for my chronic dark circles and some mascara and brow gel

personality wise: i do my best to come off as a understanding and open person to anyone, but i’m definitely very shy upon first meeting people, and (surprise surprise) can’t shut up when i get comfortable (this takes months). im always reserved in group settings, not good with public speaking, etc etc. i tend to have a drier sense of humor, most of the time if i make one of my loved ones laugh it’s due to my lack of reaction to something i or someone else did or said. when i do actually make a joke my sense of humor is a little on the darker side, no offense jokes at all, just shock humor. that and teasing for sure, playfully teasing is my fav. my love languages are verbal affirmation and quality time, im very intuitive and can pick up what people around me are feeling. i love taking care of other, i absolutely thrive when i’m nurturing my friends and family. i am known to be very clumsy and am constant covered in bruises from walking into walls/furniture (it’s half clumsiness and half being 🍃). also i am an avid user of 🍃!

interests and likes: video games (i play on pc and switch!), painting, drawing, and sculpting are my favorite hobbies! but when i’m not feeling up to them i like anime, makeup, fashion, just started getting into the gym, besides that physically speaking the only things that’ve interested me are volleyball and swimming. and i would also consider myself a sanrio enthusiast ^-^ i really enjoy cooking as well as baking and i research new recipes daily. also kinda of obsessed with mood boards (pinterest is everything to me), anything that let me express a niche aesthetic i have interest in. i enjoy reading tarot i have a decent crystal collection i keep on display. also a huge fan of candles, perfume, scented lotion, body spray, incense, anything really that smells fresh (inclshing just actual fresh air) point is, i love smelling good. bit of a skin care fanatic and have practically used my face as a lab rat for different chemicals. listen to music prosctially every hour of the day i love lana del rey, kali uchis, arctic monkeys, PTV, p!atd, slipknot, SOAD, fiona apple, cage the elephant, fleetwood mac, and the list goes on.

future aspirations: currently in my second year of community college but i’m basically just going to get into a white-collar desk job in fianance after getting my bachelor’s, i don’t have any passion for it but that doesn’t matter to me! money is money that feeds into real interests :) /gen

my type: i would say i’m a very open person, i don’t have a physical type but body wise i’d like my partner to be a little taller than me, either more extroverted than me, or capable of handling social situations that are too much for my anxiety. i am not the most outgoing so i couldn’t really get along with someone who wants to be out of the house constantly, my batteries NEED to recharge. other qualified i love are being complimented by my partner, being praised, info dumping + listening to them info dump!!! i love being spoiled + spoiling my partner in every way.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

How you met: Civilian Kyle never understood why the US Navy loved going to the beach. But after a successful mission with the Navy SEALs, he was invited to "train" with them on the beaches of California with a friendly volleyball competition. As he arrived at the beach in his swim trunks (ones that he had to buy because who would think they needed to bring one), he could see the net set up and a few patrons suntanning a good distance away. When the game first started, he had the unfortunate position of servicing the ball. He tried to do an underhand serve but it went flying across the beach and directly towards a young woman who was enjoying the summer sun. "Heads up!" he yelled but suddenly you caught the ball with record accuracy. Your silver hoops dangled as you rose from your towel and you could see a couple of the men motion for you to roll the ball over. You smirked as you palmed the ball in your hand and threw it up in the air, delivering a jump serve which hit the net with impressive force. Your actions received a few whistles and cheers and you smiled before going back to tanning and listening to your Fiona Apple album. After the match had ended, your sun was blocked by a young man who glistened with sweat in the heat. You lowered your glasses and struck up a friendly conversation. "That was impressive," he breathed out in a gorgeous accent, "you have to show me how to do that."

A peek into your relationship: "I still don't understand how you can do that," Kyle said as you laid on your couch, smoking a bowl. "You just have to grind it up, pack it, then you suck it like a strong and light until you see embers, and then you inhale," you replied before repeating your actions and blowing some smoke in his face. Kyle had been respectful of your habits and you entertained him as he couldn't risk a positive drug test. Besides, he enjoyed the company and your high thoughts. As he rubbed circles on your shoulder, you laid in his chest and mused about random thoughts. "Do you think that bees and butterflies are snobby about what flowers they pick? Like is it like when you go to a restaurant and you only like one type of food?" you asked and you could hear your boyfriend laugh wildly. "What goes on in that head of yours?" he replied and kissed your cheek gently. "Oh that reminds me there's some new summer perfumes from Sephora that are just calling to me!" you said excitedly before Kyle grabbed you and held you back in his arms. "Oh no you don't!" he exclaimed, "let's talk about perfume purchases when you're not thinking about the bees and butterflies."

[ladykissingfish]

At The Zoo with the Akatsuki

*This was an anonymous request in my inbox. Whoever you are, thanks! This was fun to write 😊

Hidan

This guy goes ape for the monkey exhibits. Lemurs, baboons, marmosets ... but his favorite of all are the gorillas. He’s blown away by how intelligent the animals are, and how closely they act like humans. Hidan likes to stand by the glass in these exhibits and make a variety of gestures to see which ones they’ll copy. His favorites are sticking up his middle finger and scratching his behind, which he’ll laugh himself silly over when the gorillas mimic his motions. Besides the primates, he’s also fond of the giraffes enclosure. Once the group went to a zoo where they allowed people to physically interact with these majestic beauties, and Hidan wouldn’t let them leave this one exhibit for nearly two hours, because he couldn’t get enough of petting their long necks. He’s the type to ignore the Do Not Feed The Animal signs for most attractions, and in fact tries to start fights by throwing peanuts and other treats through the bars or over the glass.

Sasori

He mainly thinks that zoos are boring, and doesn’t really get why the others seem so enthused to go. The one thing he does enjoy are reptile houses; he’ll move slowly through the dark rooms and gaze at the different snakes, lizards, colorful frogs, and whatever else is being showcased. Is more of a people watcher than an animal watcher, and finds the reactions of those looking at different species more entertaining than the animals themselves. Will spend the most time walking around with Deidara; he finds the blonde’s childlike enthusiasm to be refreshing, and it’s one of the few rare times that the two can be together without arguing about art.

Deidara

Deidara has an odd, odd grudge against hippos. He’s told the others ad nauseam about a memory he has of when he was a little boy, and his father taking him to a local zoo. According to Deidara, his father wasn’t watching him, Deidara slipped down an embankment and landed in a hippopotamus hole, and the beasts charged at him, teeth bared. He was rescued by the zookeeper, so he says, and he remembers getting “a lot of free shit” because of the incident. But the others doubt that any of this happened, and try (unsuccessfully) to convince him that this was just a vivid dream. But Deidara doesn’t buy it: he’ll stand at the top of a hippo exhibit and hurl insults down below, until the others can drag him away. Aside from this one weird tic, Deidara actually really enjoys the zoo, and spending time with the others in such a calm, relaxing environment. He especially likes the bird houses, and could spend hours whistling at or cooing to the beautifully colored, winged creatures.

Kakuzu

This guy tries to pretend that going to the zoo is a waste of time, too expensive, etc etc ... but in reality he loves this particular outing like no other. He’s never told anybody this, but when he was a very young boy, he lived with his parents on a farm. Exhibits of “common” animals such as sheep, goats, pigs and bulls or bisons puts him in mind of the happier, simpler times of his life. He may be the oldest but he moves faster than anyone in the group; the others think this is because he’s in a hurry to get the trip over with, but really it’s because he’s enthused (and impatient) to see each and every exhibit that there is. Still, Kakuzu is ALWAYS going to be Kakuzu ... he’ll snap at the others if they ask him for money for souvenirs, and he’ll have to be physically dragged from the snack shops once he sees (and starts yelling about) how high the food prices are. “$13.99 for a cheeseburger?! It better be the entire f*ck*ng cow on that plate!”

Kisame

Going to the zoo is always a duality of emotion for Kisame. On the one hand he’s part animal himself, so it bothers him to see other animals locked up and on display like prisoners. But on the other hand, he has the alpha-like mentality that being part human elevates him beyond the level of the others, therefore it’s ok for him to go and look at the “lesser beings”. Although he has fish DNA, by contrast, his favorite things to look at are the big cats. Lions, tigers, leopards, jaguars ... Kisame admires these beauties to no end. “Jokes” so much about climbing the barricades and riding one of these kitties that the others start to take him seriously and someone keeps one hand on his arm while near these exhibits. Walking along in the sun is nice for awhile but after several hours of this he begins to get tired and dehydrated; there’s been several times when he’s been caught taking “a quick dip” in open-water exhibits such as the penguin tank.

Itachi

Lions? Tigers? No, it’s Bears for this boy. These furry mammals provide him with hours of watching delight. He’s especially fond of polar bears, and could spend forever watching them walk around on glaciers and go for swims underwater. One time he and Kisame were sent on a mission to a foreign country. They were supposed to return within 2 weeks, but they didn’t make it back for almost a month. Kisame covered and said it was because they ran into extensive traffic difficulties ... but the reality was the place they were sent to had a zoo with an interactive koala exhibit, and Itachi went every single day to have the little cubs crawl all over him ... even going so far as to put the owners of the zoo under a gengetsu in order to maximize his time limit.

Zetsu

Depends on what kind of mood he’s in, as to whether he’ll join the others at the zoo. If he goes, he is always mistaken for being a wildlife plant mascot, because of his unique foliage. His hobby is trying to sneak into as many exhibits as he can, posing as a plant, before the others (or the animals themselves) notice that he’s there. He doesn’t quite have a favorite animal but finds himself attracted to the gracefulness of flamingoes. He can’t stay with the others too long, however, as all that natural sunlight gives him a “brightness overload”, as he calls it. An ideal zoo day for him would be one where it’s partly cloudy and/or lightly drizzling; but the others prefer to go in the full sunlight.

Konan

Absolutely loves going to the zoo with the others. She’s the one who will read the zoo map and try and put them on a schedule to ensure that they see everything there is to see. Also the only one who will think to bring a bag filled with water and small snacks for the others (which Kakuzu appreciates more than anyone because he hates them wasting precious money on the in-zoo snack stands). Is fond of all the animals but her favorites are elephants. She often tells the others how highly intelligent and sensitive these creatures are, how they look after and care for their mates and their families. Tobi tells her that she reminds him of an elephant, which the others will smack him for because what woman wants to be called an elephant? But Konan will smile and hug him, because she understands what he means. One time as a group they surprised her, and found an elephant sanctuary where one was allowed to play with elephants. Konan spent a full day there laughing and getting sat on/cuddled by playful baby elephants. At the end of the day everyone received a muddy hug and kiss from her, which they tried to act grossed out by but were really happy about. Also should be noted that when at regular zoos, the heeled sandals that Konan wears often quickly tire her out, so more often than not she’ll be offered a ride on Kisame’s shoulders, or (if Sasori is walking around in it) on top of Hiruko.

Pein

Doesn’t particularly like the zoo, because he isn’t the fondest of animals, caged or not. Will only go with the others if Konan insists on it, as she feels Nagato needs to experience some pleasant imagery once in a while (through the Pein body). He’s the type to pick up every single pamphlet or brochure outside of each exhibit, study the information carefully, then quiz the others later on different fact about what they saw. Since he’s not a fan of animals he really doesn’t have a favorite, but he most enjoys watching wolves. He can always identify which one is the alpha male, and he observes the way it leads its pack around for future inspiration for his own group.

Tobi

When they go to the zoo as a group, somebody has to be assigned to this guy, to keep an eye on him. He gets so enthusiastic with the different animals and sights that he often throws caution (and common sense) to the wind, which allows for dangerous situations to happen. Once, he managed to break the gate on the tiger enclosure because he said it looked like they weren’t warm enough where they were, and would probably like to be outside with the people. Chaos and a wide panic ensued, and the rest of the group had had to get him out of there before they were all arrested. Tobi claims he likes all animals the same, that “they’re all Tobi’s friends!”, but his favorite-favorite are penguins. He loves the way they waddle, and will walk around the whole day after they visit this attraction trying to imitate that walk, until Deidara yells at him to “walk like a grown man, Tobi, hm!” He also really likes the snacks that they offer at the zoo and will likely run through his weekly budget as he buys tons of popcorn, candies, and ice cream to munch on as he walks around. Always cries when it’s time to go; usually takes 2-3 other members to drag him out by the arms.

[fiction-in-my-blood]

Obey Me! Brothers x MC’s Job HC

So this is a headcannon based on each brother’s MC having a job or experience in a field that would be somewhat benefit to them the most in work and play ;). Ya girl just wants to feel useful TT 

Warnings: The SLIGHTEST reference of NSFW in some of the HCs

~~~~~~

Lucifer: 

Okay, maybe an elementry school teacher wouldn’t directly help Big Brother Lucifer the most, especially when you were just out of supervised training, but you sure as hell can help keep some of his more troublesome problems at bay. 

Having to deal with overexcitable, emotionally unstable, and honestly frequently hyped-up-on-sugar children just out of infancy has given you a backbone, not to meant a glare that’s strong enough to stop everyone still, but not scare. 

Unless you wanted it to. 

Not to mention that voice. 

The range of your vocal cords could be heard even by Diavolo in his castle. 

You needed it, dealing with crying children and sometimes parents who thought their child couldn’t possibly bully the girl they ‘crushed’ on when you had seen it with your own eyes.

And even after grabbing everyone’s attention in a room full of strong personalities, you’re more than capable of turning it down a bit to explain what the issue is.

“Levi, you can’t chop off Mammon’s hands to stop him from stealing your things.”

“Don’t you laugh, Mammon! You’re not off the hook just yet. Give Levi his figurine back before I put Goldie in the microwave, hm?”

“Asmodeus, you can’t go around stealing my underwear! What would your mother think of this?”

“Beelzebub, you can’t eat other people’s food without asking. How would you feel if I went along and ate all your blackbelly newt legs and your monkey brain pudding?”

“Mammon, this is your last warning. Put the money back where you found it.”

“Belphegor, you need to stop sleeping on the floor. Mamo keeps tripping over you and I don’t think we can afford any more screaming in this house.”

“Mammon! Do I need to send you to the quiet corner again?”

“Satan, clean up your books or they’re going back on the shelf out of order.”

Your use of their full names definitely felt like their were being reprimanded by a teacher.

Even if you sometimes treat the younger brothers like children, which will often cause a few snickers, you can’t really help it when they act the way they do. 

Sometimes you get a little too carried away, on instinct threatening to cancel the end of year pizza party unless they start behaving, but Lucifer appreciates your attempts to restrain them all the same while chuckling along with everyone else. 

You may act before you think, but you’ve brought his family closer together. 

Mamo: 

Being a professional pocker player would be just too easy. 

That’s why it’s your weekend gig.

Besides from your backers and frequent trips to pocker tournements, you spent your nights, and sometimes at day parties, as a mixologist. 

It may not seem like much, but bartending has helped you nuture a skill to read people and help them talk out their problems.

Which is the only reason Mamo hasn’t been thrown into the fiery pits of hell when a revengeful witch comes knocking every now and then. 

You hear out his fraud victim’s troubles and show your understanding, wondering in the back of your head why, in Diavolo’s great Devildom, Mammon would agree to give away some of Satan’s incantations for a credit card that looked similar to Goldie?!

You manage to talk her out of taking his liver as payment and agree to help mix some potions you recently learnt at school, being a mixologist has helped in that regard as well.

A few times you’ve had to play some other demons in a game of cards in order to get Mammon back home safely. 

It was only when you beat Soloman that Mamo first noticed your professional-grade talent. 

You didn’t really want him knowing, you knew he wouldn’t be able to help himself but use you to his advantage, so you first said that it was a natural skill humans had- which no one believed and only made them all curious.

Eventually, you gave in to Mamo’s pestering and it was then you said you weren’t going to give him money. 

At first, he was a little offended you’d think he would use you like that, but, for once, he listened to everyone’s harsh words and understood why you had that idea. 

He was the Avatar of Greed, after all.

Ever since, he’s been working hard to show you he would never use you again.

Unless it was a life or death scenario with that one witch he conned a dragon’s egg from. 

Levi: 

It was impressive when you picked up Ancient Languages so quickly, but the otaku didn’t question it, at that time he didn’t have that much interest in you. 

Then you were able to annunciate those words better than Satan or Lucifer or Diavolo, but maybe you were a quick learner?

It was only when you nonchalantly offered him the latest, unreleased, series of a longer-than-necessary-anime-title did Levi think to ask. 

You were a translator in the human world. 

Had more interest in the words than the story, but that was enough for him to start treating you less of a normie and more of a fellow recluse like him. 

It didn’t take long after that when he realised you were THE MC. 

The MC who had translated most of the anime he watched, even though he didn’t need to read subs, you were stil famous, and not only for translating. 

You had dabbled in voice acting, mainly due to one conference call you had where the client asked you to voice for a minor character that would only be in for a few episodes of TSL. 

It was a disasterous when the character died, having been quite a noble and vicious knight to the Lord of Shadow- who, of which, the lord also liked.

You weren’t going to tell him the character was booted off because you weren’t comfortable voice acting anymore. 

However, he will have you read aloud lines he had found on a certain website where many like-minded fans wrote their own stories about the characters. 

Lucifer caught the skript-like paper when he saw the word ‘master’ printed next to a less than savoury subject the eldest brother would not allow you to be tricked into saying. 

Levi wasn’t too happy about that, ranting and raving how it was unfair and he needed to hear the Shadow Knight confess to the Lord of Shadow the way the fandom, and most of all, he, deserved.

You may have little clue what the animes your translating are about, but you never again reject the offer to have one of your own, walking to Levi’s room the second it reaches you in the mail and you spend practically all night binging on every word you wrote for him.

Satan: 

When you first came to Devildom, you were particularly overly-curious.

Maybe it was because you were in a knew place, surrounded by beings you once thought only existed in stories? 

Maybe you had that same respect for knowledge as Satan did? 

Well, it would be easy to think that if it weren’t for the types of questions you asked each of the brothers, as well as the angels, Soloman, Barbatos and even the Prince of Devildom himself. 

“What do you like to do on your days off?”

“Are you a tits or ass guy?”

“What’s your relationship like with your family?”

“Do you like men, women, or a bit of both?”

Every demon, witch, angel and whoever you met at RAD had the pleasure of being interrogated by you, your gracious smile and genuine concern for their answer coaxing them to tell you more than they would think to like.

When you wrote in that little journal, stock full of flyaway papers, the victim of your inquisitive nature would worry, for some reason, what you thought of them. 

Still, you never let anyone look, not until you had the perfect match for the client.

A matchmaker, that’s what you were in the human world.

You paired couples, looking for marriage or a short term thing, with their perfect better half. 

And you had been struggling to pair Satan with anyone.

“You have no interest in either of the sexes. How am I meant to find a girl for you when all you care about are dusty old books?” You muttered dismissively, speaking directly at the pages of your book, the two-page profile you had on Satan spread across the fine lined sheets. 

You had been so enraptured in you quest for love that you didn’t notice the warmth looming over you. 

“Who’s dusty old books?” The familiar teasing whisper graced your ear, way too close for comfort. 

You turned, slamming the journal shut, but it was too late. 

He had discovered your plan. 

You quickly explained that you were a matchmaker back home and it was hard to hold back. 

Even when you were with your human friends, you got carried away, pairing them with nice guys you met in the bar when you went on your weekly girl’s night. 

Satan laughed at first, who couldn’t find their own mate? 

Until he realised you couldn’t find anyone for him. 

You’ve never seen him combust into flames so quickly. 

You would be scared if you weren’t so annoyed. 

“This is exactly my point! No one will want to be with you if you get this angry all the time!” You pouted, not realising the brothers that had run in at the drop of the proverbial hat, frozen in the doorway as they watched you, a human, talking smack to a demonic Satan.

They had come to save you once they heard him roaring in anger, but you seemed to be coping just fine on your own.

It took both of you a few weeks to realise, the reason you couldn’t find him anyone is because you wanted him.

Asmo: 

You and Asmodeus had surprisingly philosophical conversations when you had only just met.

You would answer his teasing comments with very deep and personal questions, asking about his past relationships and how it made him feel to flirt with everyone he laid eyes on.

You had caught him off-guard a few times with your out of left-field inquiries.

One time, after you asked about any childhood trauma he may have had that could lead to his sexual nature, he actually got a little angry, losing his cool and throwing your question right back in your face.

He usually seemed to enjoy the strange back and forth, so you watched him devole into his demon-form with a startled gaze.

“I-I’m sorry, Asmo, I shouldn’t have asked that. Force of habit.”

You were blunt, distant and sometimes rude with your short questions, but when you told him those questions were something you were so familiar with they were a large part of your vocabularly, he had to know.

“How could that possibly be a habit?”

You were a relationships councillor. 

You spent your days with arguing couples, coworkers who just couldn’t get along, and the odd friendship that had been torn apart thanks to one sleeping with the other’s partner.

You weren’t used to dealing with overly-friendly cilents, most would be crying about how sorry they were or silent with stubbonness, so you wanted to put that professional gap between the two of you.

But you never intended to hurt him or rehash memories you had no right to know.

“I’m meant to help people, but I can’t even treat the people I care about right.”

Before you had arrived in Devildom, you were pretty much a loner.

You were ambitious, pretty much a recluse outside of work, mainly because anyone you talked to would also get your brain shrinking questions. 

“No human likes being asked if they really trust their partner.”

The self-deprecating laugh that left your down-turned lips in that moment pushed Asmo right back down to his usual laidback demeanor, imploring you to explain what you meant by that.

It was only right, you thought, you had been far too invasive for too long.

Asmo respected the work you told him about.

Even if long-term relationships weren’t his thing, or they hadn’t been until he met you, he understand that not everyone could live off the joys of primal lust. 

Most people needed a lifelong partner that understood everything they were, ever the dark, twisted parts of them.

But, he didn’t like you tales of the threats you received when certain couples didn’t make it through your counciling sessions.

One too many times had a brick been thrown through the windshield of your car or had been generously gifted a death threat in the mail.

They never worried you, you were used to people finding you odd and anti-social, but it did hurt.

You had only ever wanted to help.

From then, Asmo learnt the psychologist tricks you had up your sleeve, intending to use them on his brothers if they were being particularly secretive.

Especially when you were the subject of their conversation.

He would often bring you to parties, pointing out couples on the dance floor or groups of people who were meant to be friends, asking you who had sexual tension and who were on their last straw with their other half.

You told him time and time again that it didn’t work like that, that you couldn’t just look at someone’s face and defer they were a serial killer.

But body language is a hell of a thing.

Beel: 

Being a chef, you were often in the kitchen during the day, trying out recipes Mamo, Satan or Asmo had suggested to you.

Of course, they would often be pranks, potion recipes that would literally blow up in your face the moment you added the frog’s leg or eye of newt. 

But, even the smell of the fire place blazing brought the Avatar of Gluttony sniffing around.

At first, he didn’t care what you made, he always cleaned up the mess of your failed experiement made.

When you actually started acting sad when his brothers pranked you again, it was his time to step in.

Instead of leaving you to do your own thing and reap the rewards of your failures, he sat in a wooden chair much too small for him, bearing with the emptiness of his stomach so he could really teach you about the ways of his world.

He told you what you actually needed to make his favourite meal, which he had overheard you ask Mammon one time as you walked to class together. 

It was gross and difficult to learn how to cook with a cauldron and entrails of creatures, but you dealt with it because the look of pure, yet subtle, joy on Beel’s face when he ate what you meant to make was far worth the displeasure you went through to cook it.

When you got a couple days vacation from RAD, you somehow talked Mammon into taking you to the human world so you could buy real ingredients you were used to cooking with.

You wanted to prove to them all you weren’t as useless as you seemed when you first got there.

Of course, you would have to alter the recipes to the demons, but it shouldn’t be too hard. 

You were a trained professional, after all.

And you definitely proved them all wrong.

Plates of fine dining, fresh vegetables, cakes and sweets.

Abundances of foods of varying cultures and spices. 

It took you a whole day to make it all, but the stiffness in your back as you watched the demons, angels and Soloman alike walk into the banquet hall with looks of awe on their faces was enough to ease that pain.

You were exhausted and didn’t want to eat anything yourself, but that went unnoticed by everyone else.

Everyone else but Beelzebub, Avatar of Gluttony.

He pulled his attention away from the amazing food in his mouth long enough to see you sitting in your chair, hugging your legs to your chest and eyes closing a little longer every time you blinked.

You had never looked cuter, but he had never been more worried about you.

“You’re not going you eat anything?” His mouth was full of the fruits of your labour as he leaned over to grab your attention, continuing to shovel food into his mouth as he waited for you to reply.

“The best thing about my job is watching people enjoy it. I’m not hungry.” You yawned through a smile, letting your head rest on his shoulder as your heavy eyelids almost completely restricted your view of the show. 

Everyone finally seemed to be getting along.

Diavolo noted to himself he would have a few words with you once the dinner was over. 

Belphie:

“You’re a barista.” 

Soloman smirked as you two sat together in class, waiting for the ending bell. 

“No, I develop energy enhancers, which does include coffee. I literally make new, healthier products that help boost energy and motivation.”

Sure, your part-time job was in a coffee shop, but that was only to pay yourself through college. 

The course was nutrionism, paired with a course in chemistry. 

You had hoped to use your degree, when you did graduate, to make a product that didn’t cause heart attacks with the sugar content or make people stressed beyond belief on addictive caffeine. 

You were a tired teen and survived high school on coffee, but that didn’t do well with your heart. 

Now you had a medical condition and got even more tired than you did back then. 

Since you couldn’t have coffee anymore, your research was mainly for you.

That’s why, when you hung out with Belphie, sleeping, ironically, you couldn’t be more jealous. 

He slept and slept and slept, not a care to the centuries he was wasting doing so.

When you two got close, closer than he and Beel, you somehow managed to get him to test a prototype you had developed with the help of Solomo. 

Being the only other human, he actually understood your aims, even if no one else did.

The brother teased you about the fagility of man until you told them about your condition, showing them the medication you had to take everyday to keep your heart beating. 

The ones that did bully you, take a lucky guess, first unbelievably guilty, but you got them to pay you back by being your test subjects.

Often, they wouldn’t work, you were still trying to figure out what all these new potions meant and trying to work with the differences between demons and humans. Not to mention the strongest demons there are. 

When Belphie did get tricked into drinking the energy concoctions you made, and when they finally worked, he wouldn’t be off the walls like Mammon and Asmo.

He remains docile, talking for a little longer than usual, actually showing interest in what his brothers, and you, did.

It’s not like he was a completely different person, he was still your Belphie, but he had just that little more energy he needed to seemed interested in life as a whole.

When you did admit to him that you had been esstentially drugging him, he took a moment to compute.

MC, the first human he had trusted in so long, had been tricking him to stay awake longer?

To ignore the sin he repesented?

You quickly explained that you had tested it hundreds of times, several times on yourself, like a true scientist, and that you just wanted to spend more time with him, he managed to calm down, just a little.

He jokingly second guessed every drink you handed him from then on, but, honestly, he was happy you had used him like that.

The reasoning for it, for you two to be able to spend more time together, getting to no each other when he wasn’t half asleep or yawning at your every other word.

Mammon had invested in your business venture, but Belphie would be your top customer.

[marley-warriors]

The Beast Titan and its animal forms

The Beast Titan takes on the form of the holder’s animal counterpart/ spirit animal.

This is a rewrite of an old meta of mine which I wrote over a year ago.

So far we have only seen two holders of the Beast Titan: Tom Xaver and Zeke Yeager. Of them we only ever saw Zeke’s Beast Titan. Hence many fans assume the Beast Titan simply looks like an ape, and probably has looked like that for past shifters as well.

However there is a lot of evidence to suggest that the Beast Titan does change its animal form with every new shifter. These animal forms seem to be that of the current holders animal counterpart or spirit animal.

First of, here is the definition of Beast:

From this definition it becomes evident that the Beast Titan is supposed to represent an animal, and not just a monkey.

Zeke Yeager’s Beast Titan: The Ape

Zeke’s titan looks a lot like an ape, and has been refered to as the ape/money titan a few times (by Connie and Ymir).

As a young child we can see Zeke play with a monkey toy. It seems that monkeys may be Zeke’s favourite animals. Further his titan assumed the likeness of his childhood toy, even having the same fur colour.

Many people have been confused as to why Zeke’s titan hair is brown and not blonde. After all, the rest of the shifters, such as Annie, Eren and Ymir all retained the same hair colour as their human form. Zeke’s however does not, and that is simply because there is no such thing as a blone ape. They are either brown or black.

The ape also matches up with Zeke’s character, which may explain why it is his spirit animal. Upon research I learned that apes symbolise efficiency and intelligence. According to Isayama, Zeke did score very high on intelligence, so that makes sense. Further the ape is primarily concerned with its own survival. Interestingly an ape can also symbolise a childlike nature and playfulness. Zeke does often seem to tap back into being an irrational, tantrum throwing child. A child that just wanted to be a child and play, but was forced to take on adult responsibilities by his parents. Hence the supressed child inside does occassionally show in Zeke.

It is also interesting that the moment it was decided Zeke would become a titan shifter, was the very moment at which he was playing with his toy monkey.

Isayama did not do this by coincidence. Nothing is ever coincidence with Isayama, whom is very clever at hiding small foreshadowing details in his manga.

Eldian Empire Beast Titan: The Horse

In a few panels of the Eldian history book there are depictions of a gigantic horse. All 3 of these images show a horse, way larger than the humans beside it. This is a titan horse, as it is way to large to just be a regular horse.

One of the previous Beast Titan holders assumed the form of a horse. In one of the images, the horse is being riden by another titan blowing a horn. This may be the Founding Titan riding the Beast Titan while commanding the mindless titans before them to attack their enemies. The other two images show the Beast Titan in the background between the Armoured and Warhammer Titan.

Zeke’s Predecessors

Season 2’s opening provided a shot of Zeke running alongside other beasts that has long confused many fans, both anime and manga alike. It confused me too for a long time before finally thinking up a possible reason.

Left to Right there seems to be the following animals:

Emu, 2 Stingray, Zebra, Kamel, 2 diffrent types of Whale, Giraffe, Hippo, Dinosaur, Zeke’s Ape, Crocodile, Elephant, and a T-Rex.

And before each of these Beasts stands a human with their hearts glowing as well. These must be representative of Zeke’s predecessors and their animal counterparts. That is why so many random beasts are running alongside Zeke.

Tom Xaver: Unkown, but useless Beast

We only ever saw Tom in his human form, so it remains to be seen what his titan looked like. But we do know some things about his titan.

Xaver noted that his particular Beast Titan was not useful in war. Zeke’s titan on the other hand is extremely useful in war. This indicates that Xaver and Zeke must have had two very diffrent titans despite both owning the Beast Titan. Whatever animal counterpart Xaver’s titan had was not suitable for war, so he instead spent his time being a titan science researcher. Its strange that Marley would not simply offer Xaver up to the next Beast Titan if his titan was faulty. So it must be assumed that Marley is used to the Beast Titan occassionally not being of much use depending on its wielder. There is probably no telling for Marley what animal their next Beast Titan will assume, so its mostly a game of luck. They were unlucky with Xaver, but lucky with Zeke.

I believe Isayama has not revealed Xaver’s Beast Titan yet because he wants people to continue assuming the Beast Titan is ape like. That way the next Beast Titan reveal may come as a shook to some readers, realising that all along the evidence for the beast titans had been there. Isayama has done this before, often liking to leave hints which most of the fandom only picks up on after the great reveal has occured.

I don’t know what Xaver’s animal counterpart was, but it could not have been useful. That cancels out any animals of great use, such as horses or dogs. It may be that Xaver’s animal counterpart was a sea creature, such as a whale. That would definetly not be beneficial for Marley’s trench warefare.

The next Beast Titan

If Beast Titan Holders assume the form of their spirit animal, the next Beast Titan holder too will have a strong affiliation to their animal counterpart. We do have one character that has shown a strong connection to an animal.

Falco Grice

The first time we meet Falco we see him reaching up to the sky as a Falcon flies by, telling it to fly away from the battle.

Falco is an Italian/ Germanic name, short for Falcon, and was often an occupational name for a Falconer or a person thought to resemble a hawk.

A Falcon represents Wisdom, vision and Protection. This is perfect for Falco, whom always seems to be protecting others. Further he is intelligent enough to understand both sides of war rather than just being brainwashed by Marley’s teachings. Even Falco’s mindless titan looks like a freshly hatched bird with no feathers. A Falcon also symbolises Freedom, knowledge, success and rising above challanges.

So far, Falco is the only character with a clear spirit animal in the manga, indicating that he will most likely be the next Beast Titan. In that case, Falco’s Beast Titan would take on the form of a Falcon, perhaps becoming a Winged Titan.

The Winged Titan: Foreshadowing

Since chapter 91, there has been foreshadowing of a potential Winged Titan. Even before that there had been many small, and easily dissmissable clues.

In one of the OVA’s about Jean and Sasha’s cookoff, we see Pixis imagining the 104th as Titans. Historia ends up being a Winged Titan. This is the first time we have seen anything related to winged/ flying titans.

We also see a winged creature in the end credits of Season 1, part 2. On the wall beside Bertholdt there is a winged creature that is much larger than the horse and titan beside it. Hence it is way to big to be just a bird. It probably depicted a winged titan instead.

Its from the Marley arc forwards that evidence for a winged titan does become much more prominent.

With Marley we see an increased focus on the skies and aircraft development. The officers talk about how soon Titans will be unable to be of any use, highlighting them as the rulers of the earth. Note, Earth is in bold.

Further this conversation takes place right after an air ambush on fort Slava, in which mindless titan were dropped from the sky.

We now have titans raining from the sky. With this the territory of the titans is explanding. Before Zeke, Marley had never gotten to control their titans and turn them at will. With Zeke came the change of an era. Titans are falling from the air, which is becoming the prefered method of fighting wars.

However, the General is not satisfied with just titans falling from the sky. Instead he asks. “We don’t have titans with wings, do we?”

Nope General, not yet. But if Falco became the next Beast Titan, we might very well see a Titan with wings.

Falco as the Falcon Beast Titan would be amazing. But we do know that as of chapter 119, mindless Falco is slurping up Porco. Despite this, Isayamas foreshadowing can’t be denied. There is too much evidence pointing towards a winged Falco for Isayama to turn back now. Some way, Falco will eat Zeke and become the new Beast Titan.

It may even be that Porco is alive if Falco slurped Porco up like the Santa titan did with Eren. With everyone thinking Falco is reverting back to a human, it might come as a suprise when he attacks Zeke out of the blue. After all Zeke is currently to concerned with seeing his decapitated brother to control his mindless titans.

And if not, it could also be that a Jaw titan Falco takes it upon himself to obtain the Beast Titan from Zeke.

In the end, if we did get a winged titan, it would be the actual embodiment of the wings of freedom.

[szopenhauer]

Assuming that you’re a girl, when you’re on your period do you use tampons or pads? pads

Do you like taking pictures of yourself? funny ones if any 

How much have you won on a lottery ticket? like 2 PLN lol  *I tried few times out of curiosity to see if my strategy works and besides once I was always winning this amount of cash

What is your favorite thing to do on your phone? play Choices <3

Was your first phone a flip phone? nope Have you ever butt dialed someone? from what I remember it happened in the bus one time when I was coming back home from school What is an old website that closed down that you miss? polyvore  If you’re a girl, have you ever had an embarrassing period story? not really Do you watch America’s Got Talent? I watched polish version at the beginning but got annoyed and bored with it, saw some foreign videos on yt tho Which country has the best accent? England? (british) Did you cry at your high school graduation? I don’t think so Who is a former friend that you wish would come back into your life? sigh... Have you ever been in a serious romantic relationship? this one’s serious to me Who was your favorite Spice Girl? I don’t remember Did you ever want to be in a band or music group? if I had a talent... What instrument did you play in the marching band? I wasn’t in the marching band If you could take any one type of dance class right now, what kind you take? vogue or some classic in pairs maybe to remind myself what I learned in middle school but tbh I’m not much into the idea of attending any dance classes Who got kicked off of your favorite talent show that you were mad about? more than one person actually :( Do you own the entire series on DVD of any TV show? If so, what? I wish!  Can you tell the difference between Mary-Kate and Ashley? I can’t  Who is your favorite set of twins? hmm... What is the grossest thing you have ever vomited up? don’t wanna think about it Did you ever take your dog to school? never Name one person you know who had a baby in high school. I don’t know personally anyone like this Do you keep a list of your favorite quotes? I try Describe your dream wedding in three words. small boho rustic Have you ever seen someone throw up on a plane? wasn’t on a plane but if that happened then I’d parachute myself outta there, yeet

Has God ever healed you of anything? If so, what? hope he will now but doubt it Do you believe in God? yes? Do you pray, and if so, to whom? to God, Jesus, Virgin Mary, saints, my brother...

Do you find church fun or boring? irritating and sort of tiring but if I had to choose between fun and boring then I’d go with the second, sorry What is your favorite thing to do in a swimming pool? pee *I’m joking Which part of your body is the most muscular? eyes from rolling them hahaha Have you ever painted a sugar skull on your face? no way Are you an artist? some sort of Did you ever take Latin in school? floristry Do you prefer to run in the street or on the sidewalk? *shrug* Which holiday is closest to your birthday? Valentine’s day if it counts

What’s the weather like for today? similar to yesterday’s Have you eaten breakfast yet? I have What have you accomplished today? nothing What curse word do you use the most? kurwa? Would you ever make out with someone of the same sex? as a lesbian XD What is your mother’s and father’s names? personal Last person you text messaged? dad

Would you ever volunteer to pick up trash around your town? count me in

Do you think desktops are more comfortable than laptops? they’re not Do you freak out when 666 appears somewhere? would say so Do you think it’s gross when you see gay/lesbian couples out in public? excuse me?! Was last night enjoyable for you? not really Can you go in public looking like you do? I suppose

So how are you today? not well

Do you enjoy going to the library? my library is really small and we don’t have lots of interesting books but I don’t mind visiting

Do you know anyone who has a pet bunny? my gf’s bestie and my ex friend had one 

What store or website would you most like a gift card for? uh oh can’t choose :3

Do you use Pinterest? no longer but I thought about making a new account, what do you think?

Do you know any sign language? wanted to learn but then I found out every country has it’s own and gave up

Do you have a favorite poem? Posłanie do nadwrażliwych is one of them, I like just a bunch, prefer to write poems than read ‘em

Describe your favorite scarf, if you have one. I own so many... 

Do you have a dog? yep

Have you ever read the Little House on the Prairie series? I watched a show but I read Mały domek w wielkich lasach

Have you ever performed in front of more than 100 people? in school

What do you do when a man you’re not interested in asks for your number? luckily I’ve never been in such situation and hope I won’t be

Is there anywhere you like to go because you find one of the employees attractive? what? Is there a big age gap between your parents? not big If you watch Glee, what has been your favourite song so far? If you don’t, why do you choose not to watch it? I’m not into musicals Did your parents ever forbid you from hanging out with anyone? oh well... If you drink, why? If you don’t, why not? I don’t like the smell, probably wouldn’t like taste either, my stomach is untolerant to lots of stuff, I don’t want to lose the rest of my health and being drunk might have bad consequences, also it’s expensive and addictive to that

What’s a word that begins with the first letter of your bf/gf/crushes name? monkey :P Have you ever heard a song mash-up? Did you like it? some were nice If you had to choose between being a garden gnome or a gargoyle, which would you be? gnome, yay!

What kind of dog would you get if you could choose any breed? chihuahua, pomeranian, pug, miniature poodle... Do you like to decorate? mhm Have you ever done anything sexual in exchange for something? nah Do you have nice legs?: pfft Do your parents ever try to tell you what or what not to wear?: my mom - she’s always saying my clothes are old or that they don’t match the weather  Has a gf’s sibling ever hit on you?: nooo Do you have a nice butt?: do I? How many cell phones have you gone through in your life? about 5 Do you go to concerts?  wouldn’t say so Do you shop online?  very rarely Are you a fan of dogs?  could say so

Is there a map hanging in your room? there isn’t Would you rather hold hands or link arms with your significant other? depends Did you ever throw up while kissing someone? it’s a fear of mine, it didn’t came true so far  Do you like Batman? yep Who is in the room with you? nobody

What was the last food you put syrup on? I don’t use syrup

Can you see more than one computer from where you are right now? there isn’t any other in my house Ever had paranormal experiences with a OUJIA board? don’t mess with ouija boards Did anyone close to you pass away this year? no one close Have you ever been locked in the trunk of a car? luckily not Does your refrigerator have one or two doors? two: one for the fridge and one for the freezer Are you allergic to any animals? no idea Do you have any friends you like to visit whenever they’re at work? just my father Do you have a bathrobe? but I don’t use it Do you get bored easy or can you find ways to amuse yourself? I find ways, only boring ppl get really bored, I might lack energy or motivation but that’s all Have you ever been submitted to the hospital due to a car-related accident? not accident

[ancientbooshartifacts]

Could You Ever Love Me?

Author: Vous_et_moi

Year: 2008

Rating: R

Pairing: Mike/Dave

“We should tidy up, Mike”

Dave swung one leg idly down off of Noels bed, it was a sham that movement, he had no intention of getting the other leg off of the bed, or getting up at all, he was comfy, Noels bed was huge and soft and bouncy with hot pink sheets. It must have cost a fuck load this bed.

“Mmm Yeah we should really tidy up.” Mike stretched beside him, letting his t shirt ride up, he scratched his head and mussed up his hair before grinning, “But I don’t think I will, I think I’ll just lie here and hope it tidies up itself.”

Dave grinned and swung his leg back up onto the bed, rolling over until he could lie on his stomach, “I don’t think it will Mike. And I think Noel is goanna be pissed at you if you don’t make the effort to maybe sort out the living room at least.”

Mike snorted and moved his hand down to his chest, leaving it there casually, in his other hand was the remote, he flicked through the channels, wrinkling his nose every time he caught sight of a soap, “He shouldn’t have given us his place while he was away then should he. House sitting, honestly? How paranoid is he?”

“Well, he did get broke into last time, and all them paintings nicked.”

Mike frowned, remembering “Yeah, and Dee’s diary, she was well upset, cried for like a fortnight. But I aint seen it kicking about anywhere on the internet and believed me I’ve looked,” Mike nodded and yawned. It was 10 past 12 in the afternoon, and they had been awake for roughly 15 minutes, sharing Noels bed the night before neither wishing to crash out on Noel’s lumpy sofa that may well have been direct form the sixties. They’d bunked together loads of times before, Mike was used to Dave’s deep breathing, Dave was used to Mike never lying still. “Pass us that cherryade Dave, my legs don’t work.”

Dave tutted and rolled his eyes, but made no effort to move. It was just a lazy Sunday, he didn‘t have to do anything for anyone. What time had they got in last night? Must have been near to four in the morning. “Lazy boy. Poor Dee, I bet it’s somewhere, like those total obsessive pages, but they’ll be keeping her secrets sacred, not realizing how much they’ve violated her privacy anyway.”

“She says its more because she writes down dreams she has rather than secrets, and how she feels if her and Suzie fight-”

“Suzie. You’d never call her that to her face.” Dave snorted with laugher, remembering when Noel had called her that once and she’d flipped, the only one who could get away with it ever was Dee. Mike grinned as well staring at the ceiling, before turning his head to look at Dave.

“Nope, neither would you. Dave please just pass us that cherryade?”

Dave frowned, and shook his head, “Its on your side. Noel bought her that book the day we all went to that really crap fair YEARS ago, do you remember?”

How could they forget that day at the really crap fair. It was scratched into his memory like graffiti on a school desk.

“Yeah, you won that goldfish that died the same day. Dee made us all write her a message in her new shiny notepad her new shiny boyfriend had bought her.”

“Yeah and you wrote something like ‘Hi from Mike, Dave���s Goldfish died today, like it was all a big joke” Dave put his head in the pillow, half joking, half remembering what I had felt like to have them all make fun of hem like that, it wasn’t that he got emotionally attached to the fish he’d known all of five minutes, it had been the concept that had just been so sad.

“You were proper gutted about that fish man, it was funny. Its on my side but I cant reach it without getting up, if you lean over me you can get it easy and not have to get up.” Mike stretched out his arm as if it illustrate his point, Dave sighed and pulled himself up a bit, he leaned across Mike, trying not to take his time in case that feeling hit him again and reached for the bottle.

“I was gutted because the poor thing had only ever known life in a plastic bag and I wanted to set it free.”

“You’re a freak. And don’t lean on my chest!” Mike shifted uncomfortably, nearly causing Dave to drop the bottle he had stretched out painstakingly to get.

“I’m getting your damn Juice.”

“Thanks.” Mike unscrewed the cap and took a long drink, frowning as he did so. “Ugh it’s gone all flat. And anyway I checked those sites too and I got nothing.”

They all knew about “those sites”

“Yeah? Even the Photoshop ones?”

“Yeah.”

“Even the Mighty Bumming sites?”

Mike nodded slowly, as if he were considering something, “Yeah. It’s not just Vince and Howard you know, there’s Noel and Julian, Old Gregg… there was one called Fossil fun time”

Dave groaned and Mike grinned, putting the lid back on the bottle and setting it down on the side he lay back down next to Dave, pulling a little sad face at Dave who was just glaring at him peering out between the pillow and his messy fringe.

“Thank you Mike you just made me want to die. Did you read any?”

Mike pulled a face and shook his head a little too wildly “No! like, 90% of them involve my brother in some form or other.” He grinned then, wickedly, and shot Dave a mischievous look, “Well I have, like two. Just to see.”

“Ones with Noel?” Dave grinned into the pillow, just as Mike hit him with his own.

“Ack no! don’t be foolish Dave.”

“Who then?”

“You’re awful keen David Brown. Do you want me to send you the links when I’m next on MSN?”

“Am I in any?”

“Aw Dave! Coarse you are mate! Boosh weirdo’s love you! You feeling left out?” Mike smiled wickedly again and shuffled over so he was eye to eye with Dave.

“Shut up. Just wondering, cause you know, the constant disguises…”

“Nah yeah you are. You’re quite a slut really with the men folk. You’ve had us all.”

“Nah.” Dave said, rolling onto his back and looking disbelievingly at Mike.

“Yeah, even Julian, though he’s really pining for Noel and you’re just being a mate by lending him your arse.”

“I’m selfless I am, mate. I think that’s how you know you’re famous. If you look on the internet one day and find yourself being bummed by your best mates.”

“Yeah totally, you’re just not it if you’ve not been written into erotic fiction.”

They laughed together then, it was an odd sort of flattery, but it worked out ok.

Dave remembered something Dee had told him once, about Noel and Julian stories, and smiled, “You know they mush up names? Dee told me-

-she goes mental over the stuff the freak.” Mike muttered, he was never very keen on how Dee would always ask Noel and Julian to kiss, but he guessed he didn’t like seeing his brother kiss anyone.

“I know apparently she makes Noel read it all the time,” They rolled their eyes in perfect unison, “anyway, so like, Howard bumming Vince is like, Howance or something. And Julian and Noel is Noelian-”

Mike tutted loudly at that, “I hate that. Noelian is a language me and him made up as kids, those nutters have tarnished it now.”

Dave laughed, but patted Mikes arm reassuringly, his hand lingered there for a little too long so he pretended to stretch to cover it.

“We’d be like…Dike.” He didn’t know why he said it, why he would bring that subject up around Mike at all, and he blushed heavily; luckily they were both looking up at the ceiling.

“Nope, we’re not.” Mike eventually said.

“What?”

“We’re not. We’re Mave.” Mike said this so matter-of-factly, as if he’d known for ages, that Dave turned to look at him questioningly.

“Mave? There’s no humour in that. We should be Dike.”

Mike grinned as he stayed looking up at the ceiling, “Why don’t you make an official complaint, they’d listen to you.”

“Encouragement they don’t need mate.” Dave laughed, shaking his head, Mike did the same.

Dave looked at Noels bed side table, where Mike’s laptop he’d brought over was sitting… It couldn’t hurt to look could it? Just to see? Mike had seen it, obviously, even if he hadn’t gone looking for it.

“Where are you going?” Mike asked as Dave sat up suddenly, he grabbed the laptop and flipped it open, pressing the power button, “Did you actually just switch on that laptop? Dave you’re a perve.”

“I’m just curious now like.” Dave tried to defend himself, but smiled despite himself, “How do you find it?”

“Go to Google. I dunno, ‘Mighty Boosh’ um, ‘fan fic‘, who do you want?” Mike asked, sitting up beside him.

“Be rude to read anything but Mave right now, with the others not here to defend their sexuality.”

Mike laughed, “Alright type in ‘Mave’ then… nah wait that’ll be too specific we’re not that well loved, just put ‘fan fic’ and we’ll find it from there.”

“Ok.”

“And Click.”

“Yes Mike I know that bit, I’m not form the past.”

Mike held up his hands defensively in front of him but he was smiling, “don’t get touchy with me just ‘cause you’re slow on the computer.”

“Your only fast cause you’re always looking up Naboo porn” Dave shot back grinning, but Mike pulled a face.

“Do not even joke about that. Sometimes I find it very hard to look at you dressed as a monkey.”

“Really? Bollo? That is odd.” Dave grinned, “Boboo?”

“Haha, maybe.”

They watched as the Google page loaded, Dave’s eyes widened at the sight of the hits total.

“Fucking Hell 16,400.”

Mike nodded from beside him then sighed.

“Just click on the first one. Oh this is the Livejournal one I’ve been here.”

Dave didn’t really want to know how Mike knew all these sites.

“Ok, how do search through this site.”

“Give it here. You’re useless, stick to taking photos… Do you not use digital?”

“Well yeah But I’m good with computers, not weird ass websites.”

Mike looked a little offended about that, leaping to the fan girl defence, “Hey you were the one who wanted to see, don’t call them weird! It’s very popular and widely excepted kink in Japan.”

Dave snorted with laughter, “What, Mave?”

Mike grinned, “No, Boys with boys. They love it. It’s over romanticized and the boys are drawn like chicks anyway but boy on boy anime and manga is everywhere.”

“You are too into Japanese culture.”

“It’s better than ours. Here’s some.”

Mike passed the laptop back to Dave and got up out of the bed and headed for the door, Dave looked up at Mike in surprise.

“You not going to read it?”

Mike laughed, “I’ll be back, I’m gonna make some food.” He hopped towards the door and Dave started scanning the words on screen, “Do you want some?”

“Yeah sure… Mike I like your warm eyes… they make me feel safe.”

Dave was grinning as he read, Mike smiled as well, as he watched a pink blush crawl up Dave’s face, “Shut it and read, don’t poke fun out of embarrassment, it’s fine to be turned on, I am a very sexy man.

Dave kept grinning, reading the story, Mike watched as his eye brows raised slowly up into his hair line, Dave’s eyes flicked back to Mikes, Mike always got a little flip in his stomach when he saw those eyes from a far, so blue, “ And apparently very sluttish… since when do you giggle?”

Mike skipped over back to the bed, “I’m always doing that in these. Do you want me to find a more “us” one… There was one I read that could have been true, I’ll find that.”

Mike grabbed the lap top back off of him and started typing in. Dave frowned, could he really read something that read like him and Mike…doing it… sex…

“I dunno that might be a bit weird. Oh ok then since I’m reading it anyway.”

“Ok, can you please go switch the oven on… please?”

Dave shuffled through to the kitchen, Mike looked up his favourites. What? Don’t you judge him, it’s hard enough being in love with your best mate and thinking that you’re perfect for him without being in the knowledge that quite a few people in the world very strongly agree with you and you not to go looking at what they’ve been saying.

Dave came back through and Mike had the story up. He sat the laptop down on the bed and went towards the door himself, passing Dave and the way, brushing past.

“Ok there you go… Do you want an egg?”

Dave looked puzzled, “Is there even eggs?”

“I dunno.” Mike grinned, “Thought I should ask. That‘s what I always get asked.”

“Nah its alright.”

“Ok. Have fun. You should leave the girl a review, she’ll never know, bless.”

Dave had already started reading, “Uh huh”

Mike clattered around in the kitchen, finding stuff to cook, there was a pizza in the fridge that would take ten minutes, that would do.

…Dave kissed Mike softly, unbelieving, he never thought he’d find himself in this position, but yet he had, and he found that he wasn’t so opposed to the idea, maybe it was the weed, or the beer, or the high of finishing another live show but as Mike pulled as the bottom of he t-shirt he felt him holding his arms off, they only broke the kiss so the thick material couldn’t be pulled over his head…

Dave stared at the screen unblinking, chewing on his bottom lip his eyes dragged along the page, soaking up every word, wishing he could fall through the page…

…‘This isn’t right…’ Dave whispered against Mike’s skin, even as he said it he didn’t stop from pushing him gently down on the bed, Mike shook his head, to disagree with Dave or to shake away his words he didn’t know, all he knew was how wrong and terrible and amazing it all was …

Was it wrong to sit here in one of your best mate’s room reading a story where you’re about to fuck his little brother and getting off entirely on it? Of course if he wasn’t in Noel’s room and Mike wasn’t in the next room he’d be getting off on it a lot more. But as it was he is, so Dave resisted his urges and just kept reading.

“Alright Dave do you want sauce? Dave?” Mike came ambling back through with the pizza and a couple of plates, Dave was sitting cross legged on the bed staring at the screen looking vaguely shocked, Mike grinned but tried to get rid of the smile just as it came. He put the food and the plates down on the chest of drawers that stood by the far wall, and moved towards Dave, who gave no signs of even noticing that Mike had come in. “Dave?”

“Uh…” Dave responded unblinkingly still staring at the screen as if hypnotised, Mike laughed a little and sat down beside him, waving his hand in front of Dave’s face.

“Dave are you ok… Dave?” Dave managed to tear his eyes from the screen and looked at Mike, however he couldn’t hold Mikes gaze so he looked at his hands instead.

“I’m ok.”

Mike bit his lip to stop him from smiling, he couldn’t help it really, Dave just suddenly looked much younger than he was… like 12, “You don’t look ok you’re all flushed. You want me to open a window?”

Dave shot Mike a dirty look for a second, but caught Mikes grin by accident, he looked back at the computer and shook his head disbelievingly, “How would they know that?”

“What?” Mike shuffled over so he could see what Dave was looking at, Dave pointed at the screen

“All those things…Like, you’d say that… and I’d probably say that and I eh… I do like that. And you… I don’t think you’d do that though… But… and…” Dave trailed off, looking down at his hands he pulled his sleeves over his knuckles like he would if he was out in the snow, only if there was any snow near him just now he reckoned he would melt it in an instant.

“Dave?” Mike smiled gently, Dave looked incredibly sweet when he did that, Mike sometimes forgot about the five years between them, “Are you ok? Was it too much for you?” He laughed a little, “Do you want to lie down?”

“I… Mike?” Dave bit his lip.

“What?”

“Would you ever want to do that?” The back of Dave’s neck had gone scarlet, Mike had the urge to blow on there, cool him down… That might not, actually, cool things down at all.

“What like in that story? Like with you or any guy?” Mike was definitely testing the waters now, winding Dave up… he was allowed to though, it was his right as the youngest to be an annoying twat.

“Uh…” Dave paused, still looking at his hands, “a guy?”

Mike stalled, wondering if it was worth telling Dave about the couple of drunk fumblings he’d had a while back, with boys he wasn’t ever sure he was really that into and that he was never sure they were really that into him. “Yeah. I have.”

“Really?” Dave looked up then, in shock, and the sudden intense gaze made Mike blush furiously.

“Yeah.”

“Ok, wow.” Dave’s mind wondered about thinking who and when and why, there might have been a touch of jealousy about it, “Me?”

Mike swallowed, decision time, admit that yes, he did want to do those things with Dave, a lot, quite often, in as many places as legally available to them, and perhaps some non legal places too, like that forest up the road from where Dave used to stay, OR make a joke about it hope he doesn’t get upset and carry on with the not-so-perfect-but-God-you-don’t-want-to-loose-it friendship.

“Maybe. Dave do you…” Mike sighed, “you can’t fancy me just because of something you’ve read on the internet-”

“I liked you before.” With this admittance Dave’s head snapped down and he was back to looking at his sleeves, Mike’s heart did a somersault. And a jimmy flip.

“yeah?”

“yeah.”

Gotta love those awkward pauses.

“Ah right. Cool.” Mike grinned despite himself, Dave cleared his throat and looked back at the screen.

“This is really good. But I wouldn’t have done that.”

“No?”

“No… I would have done it more like…” Dave very slowly, very nervously moved a hand up Mikes side round to his back, he stoked his thumb right the way down Mikes spine, Mike shivered a little and wriggled closer to Dave, “yeah?”

“Yeah… that’s quite good, it’s better than hers.” Mike mumbled, staring at Dave’s mouth, wanting to lean over and kiss him, but what if they were just mucking about, what if this wasn’t leading where he thought it was leading? If he kissed Dave it would be a commitment, that would be out there, in the world, forever.

“yeah, and then I would have brought your hand here like…” Dave brought Mike’s hand to the top of his thigh, Mike moved closer still to Dave, pressing up against him, they held each others gaze.

“Like this?”

“Yeah like this.” Dave wasn’t sure who pushed who, but suddenly they were lying down. “But you wouldn’t have said I love you, you would have said something more Mike, like…”

“Like I hope you have that fiver cause I usually ask for cash up front.” Mike grinned as did Dave, shuffling a little so he could lie across Mike a bit more, he brushed Mike’s hair away from his face, their smiles fading away a little.

“Yeah like that, so I’d have to shut you up… like this.” Dave leaned down and kissed Mike, gently at first and then more demanding, seeking entrance to Mike’s mouth and he submitted more than willingly, playfully biting down on Dave’s bottom lip. Mike tasted like artificial cherries, the type you get on cakes. Dave lets out a very small moan, before pulling away, is this still just mucking about?

Mike takes a minute to get his breath back, as does Dave, they exchange sly glances, neither wanting to break the silence but Mike wants to see how the story ends.

“…Yeah that would have probably worked. Then what?”

“Well…” Dave considers for a moment, writing out in his head how he wants his sex scene to go, “I’d go like this.”

Dave has one leg in between Mike’s thighs now and he grinds down, Mike gasps a little in surprise, he hadn’t noticed just how turned on he was, or just how hard Dave was, he wants Dave to do it again but a nervous eruption of butterflies in his stomach slows him down and stops him from bucking back the way he wants to. Mike wasn’t lying when he said he’d been with other boys, there had been two, one in high school and one on holiday, but it had felt very different from this, playful. This was something else.

Dave had ducked his head down; writers block. Mike bit his lip, he guessed this was his story as well, he should maybe contribute, after all, he was the one who had the experience in this field, yes?

“Yeah… Yeah and I’d hold onto your hips real tight and …” He closed his eyes and thrust up, Dave groaned a little and hid his face in Mike’s neck, “do that.”

“But if you did that I’d have to respond with this,” Dave brought his face back up and manoeuvred himself fully in between Mike’s legs, he ground down and the same time brought a hand up underneath Mike’s t shirt and rubbed his thumb over one nipple, kissing Mike harshly, Mike moaned into his mouth, the noise sounding so needy that Dave responded with a groan of his own, his hips still working over Mike.

They broke for air, Mike still gasping and wriggling up against Dave like a dream, Dave resisted the urge to growl.

“Would you?” Mike eventually says, in between gasps, Dave slows down his ministrations and kisses Mike briefly on the lips.

“Yeah.”

Mike grins with his eyes shut, “With what sorry?”

“This.” Dave smiles but grinds down again, tugging at Mikes t shirt somehow they manage to get it off over his head without breaking the contact at their hips, Dave still grinding down with Mikes hands back down at his hips, both of them now only in their boxer shorts, Dave is suddenly very horribly aware that his boxers say “sex kitten” on them, a jokey pair that Dee had bought him to go with her briefs when they were mucking about doing dance routines in their pants. Maybe Mike wouldn’t pick up on that just now. And maybe the sun won’t rise tomorrow morning.

“Mmm, I’d like that.” Mike mumbled, moving his hands around a little, one on his arse, trying to speed up Dave’s movement, Dave let him.

“Good, cause I wouldn’t stop.”

“Not ever?”

“Not ever, if I didn’t have to.”

And he meant it, he could do this all day, thrusting and kissing and panting and wanting, it was too good, far too good, Mike was far too good at this, he thought about Mike’s past history with boys, how much did he know? Was he himself alright? Or was he lacking? Mike seemed to be enjoying himself, but what if he was only trying not to hurt Dave’s feelings?

Mike dropped his head to one side, revealing a lovely amount of neck that Dave took full advantage of that, biting down. Mike let out a strangled groan, you couldn’t fake that could you? And you couldn’t fake that hardness. No, Dave was pretty sure he was doing alright.

“I might tell you I loved you then.” Mike all but whispered staring at the wall, biting a little on the inside of his lip, Dave stopped moving, all he could hear was their breathing, and the sound of his heart beating.

“I might say it back.”

Mike turned back so he could look at Dave, his eyes wide, and innocent looking, slightly scared, as if he was trying to work out whether Dave as being serious or not. Seeming to get the answer he was looking for Mike smiles, and tugs at the band of Dave’s boxers.

“I might insist this came off.” Mike whispers, keeping up the game.

“Ok.” Dave shuffles about so he can get them off, it makes him feel awkward, like when he was 15 years old and Cassie Simmons made him strip before she let him touch her breasts. “I’d probably get you to do the same though.”

“Well that’s only fair” Mike shimmies out of his own, it seems to go much smoother for him, a fact that makes Dave want to back pedal a bit, if he cant even take off his own pants elegantly then what chance in Hell did he have…

But Mike was looking at him in a way that Dave knew he meant the world to him, no matter how clumsy he could be. Dave loved him for it.

They kissed again, deeply, Mike's hands weaving into his hair, pulling them together, trying to get more Dave on him, desperate. They broke apart, flushed, Mike grabbed Dave’s hand from his hip and sucked two fingers into his mouth before bringing Dave’s hand in between his thighs and pressing own a little.

“And Dave, I think then I’d do this.”

Dave gulps, he knows what this means, if this happens there’s not going back, not ever, its about one o’clock, they don’t have any excuse, no late night madness to blame, no drunkenness to fall back on, “I’d ask if you were sure.”

Mike laughs and kisses him on the nose, “I’d tell you to stop reading Mills and Boon and that I’m not a fucking princess.”

Dave flushes annoyed for a minute, but only because he was asking himself more than Mike.

“I’d have to shut you up again.” He growls.

“I wouldn’t mind.”

He slides a finger into Mike and he bucks up, this reaction shocks them both a little and Mike laughs to sweep away his embarrassment. He’s so casual, even when he’s being serious you get the impression that it’s not him he’s taking seriously.

Is he serious about this?

“But I would have to make sure though, That you really wanted to, cause if you regretted doing this than it would change us forever.”

“I think I would tell you it already has. And then I’d have to shut you up.”

Mike kissed Dave hard, bringing himself off the bed as he did so, somewhere Dave’s mind is telling him to find lubricant, proper lubricant not just spit, and a condom, quite soon if at all possible, but where to look? He has no idea, in the story they had just been magic-ed out of thin air. He breaks the kiss and sits back a bit on the bed, Mikes eyes sweep up and down his body and Dave notices that this is the first time he’s been in a position to actually see Mike naked.

Not bad. Not bad at all.

They really needed to find stuff.

“In fics you don’t need to look for johnnies and stuff… you just know where they are.” He laughs nervously and rubbed the back of his neck.

Mike laughs and sits up as well, “In Fics they don’t call them Jonnies and stuff, tool. You‘ll break the mood”

“Ah right. Well I’ve not read that much.”

“Well…” Mike goes back to recapture their story, “you see I’d remember that this is Noels room and that somehow I knew they’d be…here…”

Mike leans across and opens the second drawer on the chest of drawers on Noels side of the bed, he knew it would be one down from the regular drawer, ever the individual. there’s condoms, and lube, and some other stuff that Mike’s just going to ignore for now. He grabs a handful of sachets and condoms and waves them at Dave triumphantly.

“Wow, good guess.”

“Thanks.”

They assume the position, Mike laughing on and off as he tried to shift Dave around him properly, grinning foolishly as they rip open a packet of lube and it spills all over his stomach by accident, Dave’s frowning in concentration and this only makes Mike laugh more, Dave sits back again and Mike whines a little at the loss of contact.

“In a fic I’d know what the hell I was doing, and I’d be able to do this all smooth.” Dave mutters darkly, and Mike laughs again, but not unkindly, he reaches out for Dave and coaxes him to lie back down, trying again with a second sachet this time things run smoothly. Mike coats Dave’s fingers and again brings them down between his legs, Dave just soundlessly watching him as he positions two by his entrance and tries to persuade Dave into pressing forward, he does so and Mike gasps quietly and Dave just looks on, thinking he’s beautiful.

“Not in my fic you don’t, in mine I get to show you how to do this and you’d be a bit shy and yeah… you’d blush just like that.”

“Quiet, you.”

“And say something cute like that.” He leaves Dave’s hand and brings his own either side of Dave’s face, holding his head steady and looking deep into Dave’s eyes, those beautiful blue eyes, trying to get Dave to stop shaking, “and I’d just look at you like this till you calmed down…see?”

“Yeah.”

His kissed Dave and his hands search out one of the condoms on the bed, he opens it with ease, and feels Dave gasp and he roll’s it on over his length. He gets Dave to position himself and Dave removes his hand, Mike swallows but his throats dry.

“And then you’d…”

“Do this.” Dave thrusts forward slowly, until he’s all the way inside Mike and Mike lets his eyes close tight, just feeling him, all of him, Dave nuzzles in at his collar bone, safe.

“Yeah.”

“And the world would stop.” Dave mutters against his skin, tickling Mike slightly and Mike’s hands find their way to the small of Dave’s back, stroking here calmingly, soothing, loving.

“And there would be no one else.” There wasn’t, was there? Not in this world.

“But you”

“And you.”

“And I’d kiss you.” Dave brought his face out from where he was hiding, and started kissing Mike, little kisses at first, that built up, Dave shifted his weight, Mike jumped and Dave remembered that actually he had quite a bit of an advantage over Mike, He moved his hips again, and fuck, he felt fantastic, but even better was to see what it was doing to Mike.

“And we’d come crashing back to earth.” Mike panted out, bending his knees up a bit, wriggling about so that he was in an even better position, he pushed down on Dave’s back, wrapping one leg around him.

“And I’d fuck you like this.” Dave thrust as hard as he could, making Mike yelp in surprise and then smile again to hide his awkwardness at being so far gone. Mike was really starting to like this story.

“Yeah, yeah and I’d bite you like this...” a bite to a collar bone, Dave hissed out in pleasure and buried himself deeper in Mike.

“And I’d need you this bad.”

Dave’s hand snuck from Mike’s hip to his cock, wrapping his fingers around Mike’s length Mike groaned, and nipped at Dave’s skin in appreciation.

“And I’d want you so much”

“Fuck!”

“And I’d beg you to stop but you’d know I want more”

“and I’d be gasping for air” He was close he was so so close and he’d barely be doing this for five minutes and it was going to end and Mike was going to be so disappointed but he couldn’t stop and he couldn’t slow down.

“And I’d shout out your name, oh!” Mike gripped down on Dave hard and dragged him down on top of him, squeezing his eyes shut he came suddenly and unexpectedly, “Dave! Dave Dave Dave!”

Dave followed three maybe four thrusts after, being crushed in between Mikes legs he cried out and buried his face between the pillow and Mike’s neck.

They lay there for a few moments, panting, catching their breath, Dave slipped out of Mike and cleaned up, Mike laughed at the image of his come all over Dave’s stomach but couldn’t move himself, he just lay there with heavy lidded eyes.

Dave settled himself back down on Mikes chest with a contented sigh, a sound that was mirrored by Mike as he ran his hand through Dave’s hair, sweeping it back from his forehead, feeling the damp patches at his temple, never feeling more contented.

“…then we’d just lie here like this” Dave began, finishing off their story.

“With my hand in your hair.”

“Me between your thighs”

“And wish we never had to move.”

Dave sighed again, and moved so he could look up at Mike, “and we wouldn’t have to, ‘cause the fic would leave us there.”

“Without the complications.”

“Or the tidying up.”

“Or the dull ache.”

“Sorry.”

“Naw its alright”

Mike leaned down to give Dave a chaste kiss, and smiled up at the ceiling.

“I might love you.” Dave mumbled, drifting off.

“I might love you too. Dave?”

“Yeah?”

“Pass us that cherryade?”

end

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #205

forget picking song lyrics, i’m going the hell to bed now.

Do you live by yourself? I live with my mom. Do you like cleaning? Does anyone???? Who is your favorite character from Harry Potter? I've never watched the series; not even a single movie, actually. So I don't have an opinion. Do you watch PewDiePie? Extremely rarely. He's funny, but I'm not interested in his channel's content anymore. Do you like "Despacito?" My sister showed it to me once when she learned I'd never heard it, and I found zero appeal in it whatsoever. Do you play Pokemon Go? It's a brilliant idea, and I really do wish I could play it, but here where I live, there are like ZERO PokeStops (where you get Pokeballs), even in cities, so it's pretty much impossible. Did you ever color your hair pink? No. Do you like Dr. Phil? I don't watch the show and don't know him as a person. Do you prefer to be inside or outside? Inside. Do you eat meat? Sadly. I'm HOPEFULLY quitting when I get to the weight I want; I wasn't getting the nutrients I needed when I was vegetarian to where my body was desperately clinging to what it had or something like that (basically, my weight wouldn't budge in a couple of months), but even still, I don't know if I could do it without depriving myself again. I'm just such a picky eater. Do you need to do the dishes? Yeah. Not desperately, but. Are you scared of clowns? No. Do you have any subscribers on YouTube? *checks* A very impressive 66. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes. Do you salt your popcorn? Yes. Do you like McDonald's? Don't even lie to me, you'll eat there. I don't mind it at all. Do you have a Steam account? Yes. Do you like gaming? Not as much as I used to, but yes. Have you ever played Five Nights at Freddy’s? No. I don't consider jumpscares to be genuinely "scary," but rather a natural reaction to surprise, but FNAF's are intense, and I know they'd have me jumping like crazy. That aside, the games aren't of my personal appeal to actually play (though it's a fun game to watch). Do you like horror movies? Yes. Do you like chicken nuggets? I love me my chicken nuggies hunty. Have you ever tried Akinator? Yes. Can you twerk? I don't know and don't care to. Do you like dabbing? It looks stupid to me. The meme of it makes me laugh, though. What was the last country you visited? I've never left the country. Do you know your phone number? No, actually. It is incredibly difficult for me to memorize sequences, and besides, it's not like I give out my number almost ever. Do you swear in front of children? No. What’s your opinion on Brexit? Shit, I don't even remember what it's about. So obviously I can't have an opinion. It doesn't affect me, anyway. If you want children, what are some of your reasons for wanting them? N/A When you cook a dish that has beans in it, do you prefer to use canned or dry beans? I don't cook, and you'll never see me willingly eat a bean. What were some fun experiments you did in science class as a kid? The two that sharply stand out to me are dissecting an owl pellet in elementary and a frog in middle school. Both were SO cool. What was the last strong emotion you felt? Excitement. After finishing a bowl of cereal, do you drink the leftover milk? Only ever if it's Cinnamon Toast Crunch that I ate. And even then, only sometimes. Do you use dry shampoo between washes? No. What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done? Overdosing. What’s the most severe allergic reaction you’ve ever had to something? Nothing severe, besides pollen allergies flaring up. What’s your favorite sub-genre of rock? Hard. Who was the last person to get frustrated with you, and why? Mom, but she was more than frustrated. We were having a serious fight about her attitude towards Dad and his wife. What’s something that makes absolutely zero sense to you? Anti-vax shitlords. What’s your phone background? Lock screen is Darkiplier, home screen is Sara kissing my forehead. :'> Have you ever lived with someone you didn’t get along with? No. Do you have a fitness tracker? No. What types of animals have you had as pets? A billion cats, dogs, snakes, lizards, rats, gerbils, guinea pigs, rabbits, fish, box turtles, hermit crabs... and probably more. How well do you understand economics? Have you ever taken an econ class? Not well at ALL. I had one my senior year. What was the last fruit you ate? I had two bites out of a watermelon 'cuz I was really hungry, but we didn't really have anything as a snack. (I fast daily, so I have to watch when my meals are.) I'm not a big watermelon fan, but I hadn't tried these cubes before, and at least it was something. Can you remember your first day of school? I believe I can very faintly... very faintly. I think I had a complete breakdown because of my insane separation anxiety regarding my mom, or it was the complete opposite... alskdfjaweiajr it's like I can kinda see it in the back of my head, but it's super blurry. What’s your favorite movie? The Lion King. It was my favorite as a kid and became so again as an adult just truly acknowledging how damn good and meaningful it is. Plus the soundtrack was a banger. Would you rather jump out of an airplane or go scuba diving? Scuba diving. Do you get bored looking at other peoples’ holiday pictures? Eh. If it's a whole lot, yes, but as a photographer, I enjoy noting which ones I like and why I favor them. Do you give money to charity? Not currently, no. I have no money to give. When I do have a paying job, I plan on definitely donating any time Mark does a charity stream. Are you more into music or movies? Music, easily. When was the last time you went to a swimming pool? WOW. It's been years. Either when I still lived in the apartment or once at Colleen's in-laws', I can't remember which was last. Would you rather have a pet snake or a pet turtle? I have a snake, and I'll take another for sure. Have you ever seen a band live? Who was the last you saw? Just Alice Cooper. Ma and I are seeing Ozzy next year (if the poor man ain't dead), tho!!!! And he's gonna be with Judas Priest and Megadeth. We are NOT going to survive. Do people who use massive amounts of emoticons annoy you? Yes. Emojis, more specifically. If you're writing a sentence and you use an emoji after each and every goddamn word, it drives me up a wall. What was the last clothing item you bought? Underwear, I believe? Or a bra? What does your washing powder smell like? Idk. Normal? Do you have a dishwasher or do you do dishes by hand? By hand, which I cannot explain how much I loathe. It feels disgusting. Are there any cobwebs in your room? I don't believe so, no. Have you ever used a pick-up line and had it work? Ew, I'd never use one to begin with. Have you ever entered a modelling competition? Would you? No to both. The current modelling industry is so, so harmful. Did you keep any drawings/stories from when you were younger? Like around two years ago, I remember going on a mass destruction episode of those super old things, as they embarrassed me horribly, even though I know it had no real reason. Just everything I create embarrasses me. My mom has old school stuff, though. Who did you last have an argument with? Mom today. When was the last time you cooked for yourself? If you include putting things in the microwave with few steps... not that long ago. Maybe two days back. Do you have a safe? Mom does. When was the last time you saw a relative? Mooonths ago when Grammy and her husband were driving through. My brother and his son are visiting real soon, though!! Do you shout out the answers at quiz shows? Yes, lol. Have you ever been in a TV audience? I've been to like three-four hockey games, so yeah. Have you ever entered the lottery? Won anything? No. Well, Mom or Dad would rarely get those scratch-off tickets at random, but the most we've ever got was just like five bucks or so. Do you prefer crosswords or word searches? Word searches. Have you ever drawn on a wall in your house? No. Do you like making collages? No. Have you ever kept a scrapbook? Yeah. What’s your favorite video-game? Silent Hill 2 and Shadow of the Colossus. Sigh, I want a PS4 SO bad to get the SotC remaster. I actually teared up when I saw the opening cutscene for the first time, and I just marveled through the EEEEEEENNNNtire playthrough I watched. It's unbelievable. Do you remember any inside jokes from childhood? Not off the top of my head. I'm tired, don't make me think. Have you ever made up a word? Well, as a writer, I've made up names and places. A word itself, I don't think so. Do you get nervous speaking to people you don’t know on the phone? VERY!!!!!!!! Are you scared of anything irrational? You mean like, half my fears? Do you have a passport? What’s the picture like? No. Have you ever had a full fringe? (bangs) As a kid I did. Is there anything you would never admit to liking? Don't think so. What’s the weirdest craze you can remember? Fidget spinners. Do you use bug spray or fly swatters? Fly swatters. Then we also have this hanging cylindrical sticky... thing that flies and gnats are apparently attracted to with the smell, I guess. Works like magic, though I agree it's pretty cruel. Just stuck there until you die. Are you a clumsy person? Boy, am I. Do you have tiled floors in your house? In three rooms. Do you listen to any movie soundtracks regularly? No. Do you bruise easily? Way too easily. Like normally something simple won't leave behind an obvious one, but even a normal poke in the arm hurts a lot and leaves the spot sore for a good while. I was tested for anemia, but apparently, I don't have it. What would you love to learn to do? Play the electric guitar. Do you prefer monkeys or lemurs? Ehhh... lemurs as far as cute goes, monkeys overall. Do you watch movies based on the actors or the movie plot? The plot. Do you have any phone charms on your mobile? No. What is your opinion on sex without emotional commitment? That's a big 'ole honkin' nope. Last time you puked from drinking? Never. Have you ever gotten drunk and danced on a bar? No. What is your favorite simple ice-cream flavor? Vanilla. Though sometimes I prefer chocolate. Do you pay attention to calories on the back of packages? Only for dinner. I forgot the science behind it, but one of my meds for bipolarity only works to its full effect after ingesting at least 350 calories; I only get about a 20% effectiveness of the medicine when eating less. I know it sounds weird, but my psychiatrist is a goddamn genius, and I trust every word that comes out of his mouth. When was the last time you slept on the floor? Two years ago when I was living with Colleen and I didn't have a blow-up mattress yet. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? When???????????????? do I?????????????? not???????????????????????????????????? Do you wear flip-flops? That's pretty much all I wear just about year-round... I remember in 7th grade, one of my teachers asked me about it a lot and I just told her I didn't mind the cold, which was true. Pretty sure she thought I was lying and was too poor to buy new clothes or something, as she gifted me socks one day, which I thought was incredibly sweet. I miss my 7th grade teachers. Best school year. Who was the last person to kiss you on the cheek? Pretty sure my niece Aubree when saying bye. What is your favorite sauce to eat with spaghetti? Normal Prego sauce, I think. Have you ever seen a magic show? A little one as a kid. When was the last time you vomited and why? Months and months ago when I was testing a medication. Quit that shit real fast, as it made me sick so many times. Where do you usually sit when you eat dinner? Uhhh I eat in my bed usually, lmao. We almost never sit at the table. I normally do if Mom's there, though. How often do you get headaches? Ugh, often. Why did you call the last person you called? I was calling back about my job application that I was supposed to hear about yesterday. How many windows are in the room you’re in? Two. Do you have Facebook friends that you’ve never actually met? Yes. When was the last time you had your photo taken professionally? Not since senior pictures, pretty sure. I hated how it came out. I have a lazy eye when I smile, gah. How long does it take you to get to school or work? Currently N/A. Let’s say you had a baby with the last person you kissed? We're both female, so. And neither of us want kids anyway. When was the last time you completely broke down? A couple weeks ago in a totally random and severe panic attack. Do you have someone you can spill your heart out to? Yeah. Is there a person that you would do absolutely anything and everything for? No. I'm not gonna, say, murder someone just because they want me to. What’s something you really want right now? To go and get my tattoo cleaned up by a more professional artist alsdkjfalwei. I got the approximate cost, I just have to wait until I can afford it. This tattoo is so so so important to me and it needs to be perfect. What is your relationship status? Taken. What was the longest time you’ve wasted on a certain person? Not even two weeks lmao. I said yes to dating mostly out of fear of hurting his feelings, and he QUICKLY proved he was NOT for me. Are you listening to music right now? Yeah, my iTunes is on shuffle. Anyone you would like to get things straight with? I wouldn't want to be friends I don't think, but I REALLY want to see Jason one final time to tell him how sorry I am. I recently acknowledged just how fucked up I treated him after the breakup; he wasn't the only one who made mistakes. I sure as hell did. He deserves to hear it badly. I do believe our last talk was a good ending, but I feel me finally admitting that I fucked up would be the perfect one. What was the best thing that happened to you today? Seeing Dad for his birthday. When was the last time you did something for the first time? I talk-talked to some WoW friends a couple days ago, though very very briefly. I couldn't figure Discord push-to-talk out and I ended up panicking lmao. What color are the last new pair of pants that you bought? Black. Is your room clean? I should dust and vacuum, but the latter doesn't currently work. List all the countries you’ve visited.  I've never left America. At what age would you allow your kids to dye their hair? Shit, whenever they wanted tbh. So long they sounded serious about it and it wasn't just a brief episode of "oh this would be cool." Which fast food place do you eat at the most? Hm. Wendy's or Sonic. When was the last time you weren’t lonely? Jesus fucking Christ, who knows. What kind of movies do you like? Horror, fantasy, Disney/kids' films, comedies, rom coms, and emotionally moving ones. Bats are not spooky or are they? They're adorable, omg. Do you think blue is a gay color? Fuck off. What's your opinion on gays? Fuck off harder. Do you like the song "Womanizer"? Don't even talk to me if you don't. Where is your favorite place to get fries? You can't live your fullest life without having Bojangle's fries at least once. Do you know anyone who was raised by their grandparents? Idk. Have you ever made your own pie from scratch? No. Who was the last person you had an in-depth conversation with? Sara. What was the last fast food item you ate? A hot dog. What is your favorite gaming console? You know PS2 was the best, you know it. What was the last major city you visited? Raleigh, if that even counts. Do you always have a stock of alcohol in your house? No. Have you ever had a pumpkin latte and if so, did you like it? I hate everything pumpkin-flavored. Is there an antique store in your town or city? I think so... Have you ever been to a baby shower? My sister's. Maybe others', but idr. Do you know anyone who has been to rehab? Pretty sure yes. How many romantic relationships have you been in so far? Genuinely "romantic" ones, two. Would you consider yourself to be a picky eater? I am 99% sure I am the pickiest human being to ever live. Have you ever lived in a house with a pool in the yard? Not a built-in one. What color is your toothbrush? Blue. Do you have gluten intolerance or know anyone who does? I know a few people. Have you ever slept in a car overnight? No. Have you ever fainted? Yes. Do you avoid conflict as much as possible? YUP. Do you like ice cream cake? I'm not a big fan. Have you ever made out with someone of the same sex? Yes. Where is your second home!? The place I'm second-most comfortable is probably Sara's. What song always makes you sad? I avoid listening to "The Mortician's Daughter" by Black Veil Brides unless I just really, really want to hear it. I always tear up due to memories. Have you ever played a game that required removing your clothes? No. Where is your favorite place to be kissed? Breasts and neck. Were you mean as a little kid? No. Who was the last person you hung out with? Dad. What is your mother’s name? Donna. What is your favorite song at the moment? I've been in true love with a heavy metal cover of "Invincible" from the WoW soundtrack for like a full month. What day will you never forget? The breakup night. Suicide attempt. My niece and nephew being born. Meeting Sara. Getting Teddy. First time hanging out at Jason's. 16th birthday. Alice Cooper concert. Putting Dale and Cali down. There's a lot. What was the last thing you took a picture of? Some crazy shit on FB to show Sara. Something you're looking forward to? Getting a goddamn job. What is God teaching you right now? Lul. What does Notre Dame Cathedral mean to you, and how has its fire affected you? I was devastated to hear about it; it was the one event that actually got me paying attention to the news. It is a monument of incredible art and history, and for Catholics, a house of their god. I am so thankful the damage wasn't too tremendous. What’s the last dumb decision you made that you beat yourself up over? I dunno. Surprisingly. What’s your favorite version of the Bible to read? N/A If applicable, do you underline verses in your Bible? N/A When was the last time you went to church? Not since Colleen had her extreme Christian phase two years ago. What’s the last song you listened to on repeat? "Radio" by Rammstein. That new album's gonna be bangin'. Does your town’s hospital have a good reputation? NOPE. It sure does not. I have no issue with the psychiatric care unit there, though. Every time I went to the ER for suicidal thoughts or the attempt, they were sweethearts to me. But as far as physical health, they do NOT have a good rep. I know someone's grandfather that nearly fucking died thanks to them, and I can't recall what it was exactly, but Mom had some complaints during her kidney cancer treatment. What is your hometown known for? Crime. Are you longing for and missing a toxic person? I honestly miss Colleen sometimes, but I can't go back to her. I can't. I'm done giving her more chances than she deserves. It was nice to actually have someone to hang out with, but she is just overall not a pleasant person. What’s your greatest longing? Financial stability, probably. Have you ever read a Bible verse and thought, “this isn’t true”? BOY HOWDY- What are you behind on? Being an adult. I am 23 and a SOOOOOORRYYYYYY excuse for one. Is there someone who’s stolen from you and never got caught? Yes. Someone stole our basketball hoop from my childhood home. Have you been lonely for most of your life? Most of my life, no. What color is your sleeping bag? I don’t have one. When was the last time you used a sleeping bag, and what for? When I lived with Colleen and slept on the floor for a bit. Do you live near the woods? Yeah, there's woods across the road. What do you want to be for Halloween this year? List 1-3 ideas. I wanna be the dumb blonde witch from Hocus Pocus, lmao. A pastel vampire would be pretty cool. And Rhett from the "Sleep Tight" video has instilled in me the great desire to be a steampunk toothfairy at least once. List five things people have been jealous of you for. Idk. List five things you have felt jealous of other people for. More than anyone, a friend of many friends' photography success when I can genuinely and modestly say I really think I'm better than her. That is easily the worst envy situation I've dealt with (and still do), as this is the one that is actually almost spiteful, wrong as that is. Then I have another friend who is a FANTASTIC photographer as well and is now a professional one in the fashion industry, I believe. Then there was a girl I went to school with called Cailin whose drawing skills were naturally INCREDIBLE since elementary school, and I remember back then, me and her would always get the most attention for our work, but she did moreso, but I wanted to be the "best" artist. Once I hit high school I just had great respect for her talent. Next, one of my former best friends Hannia was a natural GENIUS that got perfect scores on LITERALLY almost anything; she had the highest GPA in the entire school, while I was right behind her. And uhhhh five... I have been and still am jealous of my sisters for being proper, successful adults. What is your favorite shade of brown? Like a caramel tone, I guess? What color is your toilet seat? White. Would you rather live in an apartment or a house? Definitely a house. What’s one thing you had growing up that you miss now? Energy. Do you prefer kale, lettuce, or spinach? Lettuce. Do you listen to instrumental bands such as Hammock, Trentemoller, etc.? No. Have you ever gotten a manicure or pedicure? Just because my sisters went and Mom wanted me to hang out with them. I may have with my old friend, too. Have you ever self-harmed? Yeah. Never the answer. Do you have any eating disorders? No. I'm afraid of developing one once I (hopefully) get to the weight I want, though. Have you ever met a celebrity? No. Do you like Monster Energy or do you prefer other energy drinks? I hate energy drinks. They taste like poison. Do you plan on getting married? Yeah. Do you want kids? That's a big fat nope. What’s your sexual orientation? I don’t judge. Bisexual. At what time of day do you normally feel the best? The morning. Name one reason why someone should not commit suicide. YOU. CAN. GET. BETTER. Seek professional help if you feel suicidal, and after what I understand is a serious struggle, you truly can go into the light at the end of the tunnel. You've got, to our understanding, one shot at this. Don't end it when there is a possibility for a beautiful future. If you’re unhappy, what would it take to make you fulfilled? Have a job and be in school. Name someone you know who is a cancer survivor. My mom. Are you friends with any cancer survivors? I don't think so. Do you wish the sunrise and sunset lasted longer? Hm. Sunset, maybe. Idk. Name a country whose history you know nothing about. Lmao most. What is your favorite store at the mall? Hot Topic. Do you have a bed or do you sleep on a mattress on the floor? I have a bed. When was the last time you went for a run? Shit, not since high school gym. Do you keep Christmas lights up year-round? No. What did you win a scholarship for? Nowhere. What type of bug do you see the most often in your home? Flies. Do you put off things until the last minute? I tend to. Is your mom the same size as you? No, I'm smaller. Do you know any Christians who aren’t judgmental? No shit. Do you still think of that Gwen Stefani song when you spell bananas? Ha ha yup. Do you like the way your hair naturally is, or do you change it? It's fine. But I want it dyed badly. Do you know anyone who died accidentally by doing something stupid? Yes. How many different languages have you taken in school? Latin and German. How tall is your father? (Estimate?) Idk. Over six feet. Would you meet Miley Cyrus if you had the chance? No. What is your favorite slow song? Oh yeesh. Idk. Maybe "See You On The Other Side" by Ozzy. Do you believe in karma? No. Do you constantly check your cell phone? No. Only Sara or Mom ever text me, and I pick it up just if the green light is blinking (means I have a message). If there were aliens on earth, would you be afraid? Well yeah. If you could spend 1 hour 20 years in the future, would you? Yes. I want to see where I am, so long as I can change my behavior to improve that future if needed. Otherwise, I don't wanna know. Are your pets asleep? Teddy probably is, Bentley might be, idk where Roman is, but he likely is, I can't see Mitsu from where I am currently, Venus may be (no eyelids, so you never know) as she's in her rock, and Kaiju is awake. Have you ever wished you were an only child? Never. Have you ever hurt someone on purpose? Yes. Have you ever gotten hurt while sledding? No. Do you enjoy going through old pictures? It depends on the subject of them and my mental state. Kid pictures I'm always up for, high school ones are okay, though they can make me really upset with how healthy and skinny I was, and I deleted all photos I had on Facebook of Jason and me last year so I couldn't even risk looking at them ever again, as there's a good chance some would trigger my PTSD. Of all your exes, who do you think you had the deepest feelings for? Jason, obviously. Do you tend to have a lot of drama in your life? I have the most uneventful, bland life. No. When’s the last time someone was disappointed in you? Idk. What song are you listening to right now? Is this one of your favorite songs? "Alone I Break" by Korn. No, but I love it. What is something you have to explain a lot? My sweating issue. Gross to talk about, but I sweat seriously excessively, like you would not believe. It can be 70 degrees and I'll be sweating in seconds. People worry about it, and in VR, I've had to explain it so many times due to it affecting suitable jobs (I think we can all agree being drenched in sweat at work looks extremely bad). Hopefully I won't have to anymore when my doctor decides what to do about it. It's most likely a thyroid issue, which I have no clue about how to subdue symptoms of. There's really a shitload I have to explain lately between doctors and VR... Which compliment do you receive the most? From those that know me/see me, that I'm losing weight. From people in general, "I love your hair" or something like that. Who were you last on the phone with? My sister. What is one thing you have always wondered? Uh. Idk. I'm sure there's a lot, just nothing's coming to me atm... What do your friends think about the music you listen to? Your family? My friends and I like similar stuff, as do my parents, especially Mom. My sisters are the total opposite of me and don't enjoy metal and the like at all. Has anyone ever told you to grow up? Essentially. Do you believe people when they say they don’t judge people? Hell no. How many true friends do you have? Excluding family and my girlfriend as they're more than that, like... one or two, it feels like most of the time. Can you honestly say you’re happy right now? No. What is something you are exceptionally bad at? Doing math in my head or spelling up there. AND READING LIPS. Do you have a house phone? No. Who do you love more than anyone right now? Don't make me choose between Mom and Sara. How much money do you have saved up? I literally have $11. Do you like bright/neon colors? Yes, but I prefer pastel. What is your favorite wild animal? Meerkats. Do you ever eat breakfast? I almost always do. Do you remember who your first grade teacher was? Yes. Have you ever won any trophies? What for? Yeah, for A honor roll all through elementary school (save for 5th grade; I got one B and was so upset, lmao), then in all kid sports I played, everyone got lil ones, some from dance I believe, and I think there's one or two others I'm not thinking of...

[sifu-kisu]

Part 2

A: Yes. Fook Choy Monk was testing the nature of our great master. Finally he agreed he could be a good student, so he taught him everything he knew. I heard that our great master was even trained under Ng Mui, but it cannot be proved.

Q: How many branches are there in Shaolin martial arts? As they all originated from Shaolin martial arts, why are they different from each other? For example, “Hung-Liu-Choy-Li-Mok”, “Tiger Crane Paired Form”, “Xing Yi Quan”, “Wing Chun”, “Lama”, etc. all originated from Shaolin martial arts, but there are differences among them and they set up their own schools.

A: Before the Tang Dynasty, Shaolin Temple consisted of only Yijin Jing and Yak[sha staff styles]...

1 A style of martial arts that involves attack and defense techniques that are more long-distance.

2 Opposed to “Chang-qiao-da-ma”, this style of martial arts involves techniques that are closer to the body.

3 “Fut” is the Chinese word for “Buddha”.

4 A Chinese idiom meaning that a place where great experts stay quietly and are hardly noticed.

5 It literally means “southern fist” and refers to the southern school of Chinese martial arts.

6 Opposed to Nanquan, it literally means “northern kicks” and refers to the norther school of Chinese martial arts.

Q: Can you give a few examples of the experts of Chinese martial arts at that time?

A: Chinese people have been studying martial arts. There are many experts in the Tang, Song, Yuen and Ming Dynasties, such as the legendary Quyanke, the emperor Kuangyin Zhao, Bai Li, who could use a sword and write poems, Jiang Song of Liangshan County, Qing Yan, who could fight and negotiate, Zheshen Lu, who used the Wild Demon Staff Style, and Song Wu, who used the Magic Legs. They were great martial artists that were not from Shaolin Temple.

Q: Did Master Jueyuan recruit anyone into Shaolin Temple?

A: It cannot be confirmed because it was a long time ago. But it is true that Yue-feng Bai, the master of Shanxi martial arts, a hermit surnamed Lee and many military instructors and leaders who served under Jiguang Qi, who defended against the wokou, were recruited into Shaolin Temple.

Q: What were the contributions of Lee and Bai to Shaolin Temple?

A: Since they joined Shaolin Temple, the Shaolin martial arts changed suddenly. They learnt the Shaolin principles and studied internally and externally. And Bai studied harder and improved faster, dividing the Shaolin Fist skills into Dragon, Tiger, Puma, Crane and Snake Fists, etc.

Q: Besides Lee and Bai, did any other experts join Shaolin Temple?

A: Masters such as Master Cheng Ying, the Monk with a crutch, Yi Guan Monk and Shi-long Ma.

Q: Master Jueyuan visited the great martial artists in the country. Did anyone of Shaolin Temple do work like this afterwards?

A: Yes. Master Tong Zen.

Q: Who is Master Tong Zen? Did he study martial arts simply because of loving martial arts?

A: He is the uncle of Fu-zhi in the Ming Dynasty. Since Zhu-ming-ding Revolution, he swore he would never surrender to the Qing government. He became a monk and hid in Shaolin Temple, using it as a base of rebelling against the government and restoring the Ming government. Dressed as a monk, he visited the martial artists to persuade them to join Shaolin Temple in order to organize the martial arts and prepare for the revolution.

Q: Is there any evidence for this incident?

A: The amended Ten Commandments of Shaolin and the Open Palm style.

Q: What is the Ten Commandments of Shaolin?

A: “Anyone learning martial arts in Shaolin must be determined to restore the Chinese government, must practice day and night without slacking off”, “Every morning and every night before sleep one must worship the statues of Ming Ancestor”, etc.

Q: How about the Open Palm style?

A: When practicing the horse stance, one must first take three steps back and then take one and a half steps forward, which is called Ta Zhong Gong; when practicing the hand techniques, one should use the Tiger Claw, bring together the back of the two hands and hold the arms at the chest level to show that they are against the barbarians and they belong to China.

Q: Any other evidence?

A: The Qing government sent people to burn down Shaolin Temple twice.

Q: Does the patriotism affect “Choy Li Fut”?

A: Yes. Patriotism has always been part of “Choy Li Fut”. When the opium was destroyed, great master Heung Chan led his disciples to assist Zexu Lin to resist the invasion of the British.

Q: How many types of hand techniques does “Choy Li Fut” consists of?

A: Ten Animal Fist, Five Animal Fist, Fut Fist, Linked Fist, Meihua Quan, Arhat fist, Crane Form Fist, Tiger Form Fist, Monkey Form Fist, etc.

Q: What weapons does “Choy Li Fut” use?

A: Knives, swords and spears. The most famous ones are “Bian Kui Staff” and “Shattering Hand Fan”. “Bian Kui Staff” is a famous staff style while “Shattering Hand Fan” is a kind of kung fu aiming at acupoints.

Q: How about the horse stance of “Choy Li Fut”?

A: Five Wheel Footwork, the Four Basic Footworks, Linear Footwork, Hanging Footwork, Circular Footwork, Triangular Footwork, Unconventional Footwork, “Nu” Footwork, etc.

Q: Isn't it very easy to slip if one is kicked with “Nu” Footwork?

A: We will see. Haha!

Q: Right. We only know when it actually applies. Mr. Chen, just one more question and we will finish our interview. I really want to repeat the question that you didn't answer: What are the characteristics of the hand techniques of “Choy Li Fut”?

A: The characteristics are linked close hitting. We have the keywords of the hand techniques of “Choy Li Fut”: “The stance charges forward precedes the hands in fighting, fighting movement is to attack; to attack is a fighting movement”, unlike other hand techniques which poses restrictions on handling one movement with another. Instead, each of our skills immediately follows the previous one with countless changes. These are the ten principles and the kind of fist style “Choy Li Fut” belongs to.

Q: Thank you! Thank you!

A: Bye. Bye.

#fushengbio

[holyfridge]

I’ve been tagged.....

1. If you could take any member of any k-pop band anywhere, who would it be, to where, and why?

🔘 mmmm tae or kookie or joonie

🔘 mmm TOKYO

🔘 1) I always wanted to go to Tokyo and I still do 2) tae because I bet he’s easy to talk to and I’m not much of a talker unless someone starts it or kookie because he adventurous or joonie because I feel like he would want to explore and he would find places no ones ever been to or something

2. Do you have more photos of you bias or your bias wrecker on your phone? (Exposing y’all)

🔘 sorry to disappoint but none of the above I actually have more photos of other people or different types of sceneries

3. What do you say/do when someone asks you what kind of music you listen to?

🔘” I’m honestly not picky with my music I’ll give anything a try“

4. If your bias was an animal, which animal would they be and would you adopt said animal?

🔘 I don’t have a bias at least I don’t think so idk I mean I’m a hoe for bts in general so it’s hard to stay in one lane but if I did I don’t know what he would be I mean I love animals but if I had to choose is would be either a monkey or dog

5. What is the song you were obsessed with the longest? The one you could keep going back to without really getting sick of it?

🔘 BTS - I need u THE PIANO IN THE BEGINNING IS MY FAVORITE PART

6. If you got to meet your bias, what would be the first thing you say to them? (besides hello)

🔘 😳 UMmMmMMmmMmMmMmmM

7. Would you rather get taught how to dance with Jimin JK and Hobi, how to sing with Jin and Tae, or how to rap with Namjoon and Yoongi?

🔘 DANCE

8. What do you like more, good choreography or a good MV?

🔘 choreography

9. What is your favorite MV of all time and why?

🔘 mmm idk honestly I really don’t know

10. What is your favorite fan art you have found? Don’t forget to give credit links to the artist!

🔘 it’s a yoonmin one but I don’t remember who did it and I’m to lazy to look for the pic and all that

11. Quick: Jin has given you one of his hearts, what do you do with it?

🔘 keep it safe and take care of it and Cherish it

I ANSWERED THIS HONESTLY LIKE WHATEVER POP IN MY HEAD I WROTE IT DONE SO THIS WHOLE THING IS NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH also I’m only doing this because I feel like I had no choice but to especially since I’ve been called out and maybe threatened?? Not gonna call names @bangtan-chats-and-memes anyways I’m not tagging anyone 1 because I’m to lazy to come up with questions (i suck at it) 2 I have no friends so........ yeah 😅

[snow-okki]

This is probably just my opinion, but since I started watching the Messiah series (minus the first film with Jinnai Sho as Souma), I've noticed a lot of similarities between the Sakura cadets and the actors that played them. Some parts almost feel like they were tailored for that actor, especially between gen2 and 3. What do you make of it?

You know that you’re definitely gonna get a long essay by asking me this right?

You do?

Well then. Into the fray we go!

First lemme just say YESSSS!!

This similarity is actually the thing that attracts me to Messiah Project the most. It’s as if we’re watching the actors living in Messiah Universe, and that the characters are merely names and facades that they’re adopting to cope with it. Heck, something about the name fits damn nicely to the actors, that I always end up calling the actors by their messiah name and vice versa (or maybe it’s just me XD)

I’m also of the opinion that the characters are pretty closely tailored to the actors, first and foremost based on their looks, then based on their actual personalities. And then based on their skills (Like how the intelligent types are the ones that can’t really fight *coughhakucough*)

Also, I think it makes sense for gen2 characters onwards to resemble their actors more. Gen1 are based on existing characters. While ultimately things diverge a lot from the manga, gen1 at least has some reference to work with. Gen2 onwards are made from scratch. Heck the actors themselves don’t even know how their stories will go (Someya mentioning how he wasn’t aware Hagane’s ending would happen, Shinchan angsting over the lack of info on how he should portray Kogure)

So how to portray a character when all you know is just a fragment of their story? Put yourself in the character’s shoes and continue walking, until you become the sole rightful owner to those shoes. When you’re gone, those shoes are empty forever.

This creates a very interesting case, one that is very different from other stage plays. Other stages have this graduation system where the actors will graduate, but the characters do not. When they introduce new actors, there is already an established link between fans and the character, and this makes it 1) easier for the new actor to be accepted and 2) fans remain loyal longer, because they’re attached to the character.

Now in Messiah, once the actor graduates, the character also graduates with them. The way they introduce a new actor is by introducing a totally new character, the only common ground being the setting as SAKURA cadet. Without a character to refer to or actor bias, fans have to grow their attachment to each character from scratch, and as a result many fans choose to abort the ship once their actor bias/favorite character graduates. I know I did at one point.

Conversely, because of this ‘one shoe fits one’ thing, once an actor is casted in Messiah, you can be assured that majority of their fans will come along for the ride~ (which is why I’m worried for gen3 because their overall popularity is kinda like when gen1 just started)

I think I’ve covered everything, so I shall end off by briefly going through the similarities of all the gens~ You can tell me if you have made similar or other observations! :D

Kaidou Eiri/Matsuda Ryo: Can switch from being tsukkomi to serious mode in a flick. Your ace, no matter the situation.

Mitsumi Haku/Ono Kento: Ignoring moments that has to be serious, have you ever seen them with any expression other than (:3) ?

Gojou Souma/Ota Motohiro: Friends to everyone. While Souma is prone to outburst, Mokkun probably just sulks XD

Shiba Shuusuke/Hamao Kyousuke: Despite Mao’s little brother persona, he’s a very serious person inside. This seriousness is Shuusuke.

Shirazaki Mamoru/Akazawa Tomoru: Tomoru is said to have a devious child personality, but very reliable (he tied with Izawa for the ‘most man-like’ vote). That’s Mamoru with Yuuri vs Mamoru as the ace of the Section 4.

Yuuri Kaito/Hirose Daisuke: On Hagane Round Table HiroDai very clearly shut off despite being well aware he was on camera.Your milage may vary on this one, but I find HiroDai’s reactions to be slightly weird, kinda exaggerated as if anime-like, but rather than to attract attention it’s as if he’s trying to fight said emotions from taking control of him. It's… hikkikomori like.

Mamiya Seiren/Someya Toshiyuki: Mamiya is a very extreme character under very extreme situation, so it’s hard to say that he’s similar to Someya. I’d say the casting for this one is mostly because of Someya’s very fragile look.

Ariga Ryo/Izawa Yuuki: Based on Ariga, I thought Izawa is a stoic character. Turns out Izawa is pretty chill, almost Ono Kento-like. And Ariga’s situation is also pretty extreme, so I’d say this is also face-based casting.

Kagami Itsuki/Sugie Taishi: Taishi has 3 moods: idgaf, professional, and igaf. Kagami is idgaf Taishi on sugar rush.

Miike Mayo/Nagae Ryoki: Jerk character, though not really. He has very sharp observations, and he appeals through being more mature for his age, which compare to the more joking adults around him makes him like a jerk. Also I haven’t seen this kid show a genuine beaming smile, not even as Italy from Hetalia. He seems to fit very well in the darkness.

Yugi Kotarou/Yamaoki Yuuki: The one creature that should have never belong in Messiah. A freaking ray of sunshine. Seriously not even Messiah can make Okki escape his butt monkey status.Besides the judo past and the whole thing with the cult, Yugi Kotarou is really actually Yamaoki Yuuki. They should just rename the character already XD

Kogure Jun/Hashimoto Shinichi: This one….hard to say. Shinchan likes to mask every single thing with his smile. Kogure is apparently somewhat amnesiac about how human emotions work. But I guess both are similar in how they’re very interested in emotions (Shinchan occasionally posts pondering stuff). But until Kogure figured things out, that’s all for now.

*while writing this I’m actually having a hard time separating the character and the actor names. The only one that I don’t have problem with is HiroDai XD

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Blue Exorcist: Kyoto Saga 12 (FINAL)| Classicaloid 25 (FINAL)| Boku no Hero Academia 14 | Kado 0 - 1 | Oushitsu Kyoushi Haine 1 | Sagrada Reset 1

Update: I apologise for all my updates within the spring 2017 debuts. I had stuff due prior to the spring season and so I’ve gone all out in compiling my thoughts and then comparing my thoughts to ANN’s.

(Blue Exorcist: Kyoto Saga 12)

“Monkey”? I thought it had to do with Todo (whose first name is Saburota, remember, and so could be mangled to become saru or monkey) but I guess…not…?

I thought Shiemi was gonna do a love confession! Where’d Nemu go while all the action was happening though? Plus, Nemu reminds me of Yuji Yata (Kurosagi Corpse Delivery Service) and vice versa.

Super Coke and Panta, LOL.

I can’t believe they’re so willing! I remembered this happened but now that I see it animated, it seems a little too fast!

Anmitsu is a red bean dessert – you hear about it for the Kashuu/Yasusada ship in Touken Ranbu (it’s what the ship is called, due to kanji readings). Kuzukiri though…I haven’t heard of it, so here you go.

I never knew you could use the fact Rin is the son of Satan for humour. I never knew it could work, either.

If kemono = pickles…then what are Kemono Friends?! *gasps* (LOL, I kid, I kid…)

Okay, now the “son of Satan’s gonna torch you” gag is tired. That was fast.

What’s a Tawawa? Isn’t that “Tawawa on Monday”?...No? I guess it’s the name of the tower’s mascot then.

Yukio with his straight face, LOL.

Is it “quality brother time” or “brother quality time”? I think it’s the former.

I can finally read Rin’s shirt now. It says “teriyaki” in katakana.

Well, that’s the end of Blue Exorcist for now. See you some other time.

(Classicaloid 25)

Oh, that’s why there are aliens in this show…

It’s interesting to note they used the Bird’s Nest for Beijing rather than Tiananmen Square or the Fobidden City.

So Kyougo was in China. Geez, these stereotypes are a bit hackneyed…

Tchaiko’s so depressed when Bach appears. It makes sense though.

“It just doesn’t strike a chord.” – Perfect phrase for a Classicaloid.

Disco Bach. Now that’s something you don’t see every day.

I haven’t noticed there were white musical notes on the eyecatch until now.

I was wondering why Hasshie, Pad-kun, Kanae and Sousuke were rigged up like how they were in one of the s2 visuals. The reason…let’s just say, I LOVE IT! I’m not entirely a fan of 6th rangers in general, but I love transformations, remember? Rare transformations are all the better to watch again and again!

Doot-doo-doo-doot-doo-doo-doo-doo-doot-doot-doo-doo-doot-doo-doo. It’s Ode to Joy!

Like, look at it. The October airing was definitively confirmed! See you again in October, then.

(Boku no Hero Academia 14)

I skipped the simulcast commentary on the recap episode, as I always do. Disclaimer: I wander around the BnHA wiki a bit so expect to see “I knew that already”s all over the place.

Dang, Deku looks eeeeeeevil in that one intro scene where he’s all lit up.

Those taiyaki (fish-shaped buns) look tasty…

I’ve seen some spoilers so I know Toshinori Yagi is All Might’s real name and All Might’s predecessor (who I thought was the recipient of the letter) was a woman named Nana. Thus, beard man must be Gran Torino, All Might’s mentor.

Katsu, LOL. Ever since YoI, I can’t stop thinking about Yuri K after seeing a pork cutlet.

Best Jeanist (1st person in background), some guy I don’t know…and Endeavour. Spoilers can be annoying like that.

I knew why Ochako became a hero too, but...her name means “carefree”? Never heard that one before.

They say that if there’s a leaf sticking up in your tea, it’s good luck…I think that’s how it goes with green tea, anyways.

I don’t think I’ve seen BnHA go and do a fanservice thing with its girls until now, which 1) is odd for a show with a teacher called “18+ Only Hero Midnight” and 2) simultaneously makes sense as an all ages hero anime. The emphasis in this show is on the action and on Deku, not just the girls, but going to the girls for fanservice only now does kinda show how the audience has grown up enough for this ED trope to be ued.

(Kado 0)

I’ve been hyped for this ever since I found out it was coming. I do have my doubts about the CGI, but somehow I know this work will be good. Besides, it’s my first fully CGI work in the simulcast commentary – I can’t really let that sort of chance go while I can still do it (because most 3D CG anime are Netflix exclusive). Update: Why have I covered an episode 0? This one seems important to the plot, that’s why. (Well, admittedly...they had to have an episode 0 for a reason, right?)

Ooh, that OP’s real pretty and the language (the one “Ninovo” is written in) intrigues me.

I knew I’d be fine with the CG – if there’s CG everywhere one instance of CG doesn’t stand out – but I wasn’t expecting to be dipping my toes in something so…adult.I was expecting the government affairs, but land restitution? If it weren’t for Shizuna-whatshisname and what came before this, I’d be gone, y’know? (Come to think of it though, anime can make even adult things like taxes engaging, so if you gave me an engaging anime about taxes, I’d take it. After SGRS, I’m more open to this sort of mature content, too.)

There’s been a picture on ANN of Dantalian no Shoka and the dude in it looks like Masayoshi (Samurai Flamenco). When Hanamori is shocked and leaning to the side, he looks like Masayoshi too…

I’d like to know how to make those pleated tail birds.

Strangely, this anime is more flat than I thought a 3D CG anime would look. Update: I raised my eyebrow at the part where Shindo pulls the suit pants off Hanamori, but it kinda made sense to me since Hanamori was drunk...at least it’s better than lucky underwear (Marginal #4).

What could be bigger than a land reform project? Oh, I dunno, aliens? (clearly sarcastic)

It’s not even Google, it’s Setten, LOL.

Chicken nanban. Seems tasty. I also didn’t question this until now, but this is MLIT.

Mac laptop! Dangit!

Hanamori is such a shonen protag, I swear he is basically Masayoshi in disguise as a Cabinet worker.

Hanamori’s face in the commemorative photo, LOL.

Uh-oh. Things are starting to look more CG now…

The ED is kind of a disappointment after the wonderful showing I got from the OP and the episode…plus Hanamori is kinda annoying with his “Shindo-kun!” “Shindo-kun!”…one thing’s for sure, this is one show to keep an eye on…for the moment, at the very least.

(Kado ep 1)

UN?! Wow, Shindo’s crazy good at his job…

Sometimes opening sequences of shows (not the OP, but rather the opening few minutes of the show) can be recap-heavy, but at least Kado doesn’t do that.

Interesting to note CR chose metres as opposed to miles, as I have huge gripes about Detective Conan getting all its measurements turned into miles and inches…

Tokyo Netro and NNK, LOL.

“Have there been any casualties so far?” By the way, the government uses Windows. I wonder if any Japanese people use Linux? Update: I did find Kanata Shinawa at odds with how she lead the government, but at least she knew what she was doing.

Ferrofluid.

Overtechnology – it doesn’t seem to be a dictionary word, but it seems to exist in Macross. To quote this page: “Many of the technologies of Overtechnology are stables of Science Fiction, such as Hyperspace and Artificial/Anti-Gravity.”

AP rounds. The AP stands for “armour piercing”.

Yay! Finally whatshisname appears! (I’ll just call him Shunina for now, since I can’t keep typing out his name or “whatshisname” all the time…) Update: I knew Shindo was the protag, but if you went in without that knowledge, you’d mistake Hanamori to be it. Huh. It’s sort of a good twist, but if they could do without Hanamori, that would make the show even better.

(Haine 1)

Why am I interested in this? It’s obvious from the key visual…

Nice use of perspective/camera tricks to fool the viewer, eh? The show really is kinda charming in a Kuroshitsuji-type way, actually.

Leonhard gives the burn straight! Ow!

Leonhard is basically the twins from Boueibu…? Especially Haru.

Licchie? Or Licchan? (did not use volume) I wonder if CR’s getting in on making English equivalents of Japanese nicknames now, too. Update: Licht is ri-hi-to, so it might not actually be CR’s fault there…

Playboy??? *thinks about the magazine* Ew.

Strangely, Kai’s was the funniest introduction out of all 4. (Or was that not strange…?)

Basically Nanny McPhee but with a teacher and students…LOL. Actually, it’s more Denpa Kyoushi, but Denpa Kyoushi doesn’t seem to have this atmosphere.

Come to think of it, maybe this was adapted because of the popularity of Osomatsu-san?

Tschuss.

This is…actually pretty funny, but it seems a tad lackluster because of the dulled shoujo-esque colour scheme. On the other hand, Leo really is both twins from Boueibu in one!

Sachertorte. I’ve heard of it before but I forgot what it was. Also, I didn’t think Japanese people would’ve heard of sachertorte. Witness the mighty skill of the internet to connect the world!

I had a vague suspicion that the reason Leo didn’t like teachers was because of how they treated him (specifically put him on a pedestal) because he was a prince, but there was always this sad feeling lingering since the interview began, as if I understood him.

I have the feeling the word for “language” specifically was kokugo, but since they speak Japanese and don’t confirm their setting is German in any way, shape or form (even though there are hints to the contrary), let’s go with “Japanese” as the national language.

Wiener melange? Or just a melange? By the way, tagebuch.

It turns out I do understand Leo…”I’m not good at socialising” is me to a tee.

Notice Leo called the tutor “Heine”, meaning this may not run off Japanese honorific standards.

GDI, priest guy (Bruno, since his reading a book there makes him look like a priest).

Ooh, the Alphonse Mucha style ending really does the show a favour, although Heine singing makes this a lil’ cliched in a weird way you just don’t expect from this show. Apart from that, I’d never think people would idolise Germany the same way they do Japan…unless 1) they have a person related to them who is/speaks German, 2) they like German food or 3) they like German technology (which is top-notch, to my knowledge). I’m kinda neutral on German stuff myself, so if I follow this I wonder what’ll become of me. Update: Oh yes, no. 4) They are German themselves.

Carrot, bell peppers and sachertorte? Ew.

Well, I’m keeping this show on. It better not let me down even though I only narrowly decided not to pick it for the ANN streaming stuff. It’s not a groundbreaker, but it’ll definitely be nice to have around…

Update: I forgot to mention I was vaguely disturbed by Heine’s reading of Leonhardt’s diary (mostly by the fact Heine found the diary in the first place - who puts an unsecured diary in a place that’s a little too accessible?), but since it didn’t do much damage to anyone but Leo and it was entirely played for comedy, I wrote it off. If it were a serious show, I may have had to bail.

(Sagrada Reset 1)

I dunno why the English translation is Sagrada when the Japanese is Sakurada. It just doesn’t make any sense.

Didn’t the character descriptions say Sumire was gonna die???

David Production – those Jojo’s guys? I don’t think I’ve seen anything from them until now.

Ugly CG cars, ick.

Haruki’s power reminds me of Erased except this exposition dump here makes her sound pretentious.

I would expect Haruki to be the android.

Was the “please let go” meant to be funny? I almost laughed before realising how serious Sakurada Reset is.

(without volume) Haruki’s so lifeless I expect her to disappear any moment now whenever Kei looks to the side. (with volume) I still think she’s lifeless…

Well, at least they explain why she’s so lifeless…by the way, I seem to remember I wrote a story like this: Next to Me.

August 14th, the day of Kagerou Project, LOL. I watch too many time travel shows.

No one rides swings.You sit on the swing!

Even though I can tell this show will go through some themes very thoroughly and the animation is consistent, it’s a bit of a chore to watch. I was waiting for the end of the episode about 17 minutes in, so I’ll put this on hold (because of the Mari twist near the end – that at least shows promise). The Sumire part doesn’t seem as convincing animation-wise though, which is disappointing as that’s the main plot of the show, right? Update: The reason why I label it a chore is because it’s hard to read the subs on this sometimes, the animation is limited and because it’s easy to miss Haruki’s resets - I actually missed the first one.

Update: Just a note on my preferences - the reason why I think such a show is a chore to watch is because I prefer shows with a distinct personality and/or charisma. Sagrada seems to have a personality, but it hasn’t become fleshed out yet because of all the potential under the surface, and it lacks charisma because of how serious it is.

[marimacha-tonto]

Types of Kryptonite

I figured I’d write a quick guide to all the different types so people can mess with it and get inspiration from the comics so here goes...This will include how the kryptonite came to be, what it’s affects are on kryptonians, effect on humans, and interesting little tidbits. I’ll do my best to get everything down. This is gonna be a long-ish post but it’s pretty interesting in my opinion.

-Green!K

Formation: Was formed as Krypton was developing, the natural elements fusing together to form a radioactive substance. As we don’t know what elements fused to make it, we can’t know for sure if it’s an alloy, ionic bond, or covalent bond.

Kryptonians: Strips them of their powers and kills them if exposed long enough (also turns their corpse green???) 

Humans: Results in cancer, as shown my Lex who actually wore a ring of green!k to keep Superman at bay. After a couple months, he was shown to have cancerous cells and was forced to amputate his limb and transplant his body into a clone.

-White!k

Literally the only thing we know about it is that it hurts plant life.

-Gold!k

Formation: Gold!k is the rarest type of kryptonite and can be found floating around in space as a meteor. How it is formed is unknown.

Kryptonians: Gold!k is actually quite terrifying as it permanently robs a Kryptonian of their powers. Even scarier, it becomes hereditary, hindering the development of future children. Luckily, it only has a range of 2-3 feet and a temporary cure can be developed,

Tidbits: The artificial version of Gold!k isn’t permanent but if a kryptonian uses their powers prior to exposure the effects will be permanent and they risk death.

-Red!k

Formation: Formed when green!k passed through some red cloud on it’s way to Earth. 

Kryptonians: So, in my opinion, red!k is the second best type of kryptonite (you’ll know mine in a second) because no 2 ores of red!k will have the same effect, they last for 48 hours, and the effects are completely random. Superman comes into contact with it multiple times and has suffered through everything from growing another limb, turned crazy, transforming into a dragon, transforming into an ant-headed humanoid, and experiencing excessive hair growth.

Tidbits: Lex Luthor designed the artificial form of red!k (he basically designed like 80% of artifical k). The second person to design artificial red!k was Ra’s al Ghul. Also, for some reason red!k has a fast half-life???

-Pink!k

MY FAVORITE BECAUSE IT MAKES KRYPTONIANS GAY!!!!!!

Opal!k

Kryptonians: Drives kryptonians insane, but it was never specified how so you’ve got freedom with this one.

Tidbits: It has a VERY fast half-life and will transmute into what is supposed to be an ordinary stone. If you want your fan fics, art, whatever to be scientifically accurate it would be much more realistic to have it transmutate into a radioisotope seeing as radioactive elements have a crapton of protons and there’s no fucking way you can go from extremely radioactive to stone in a couple hours. I’d say it went through Beta Plus decay, where a proton loses a positron and neutron. The positron leaves the nucleus and hits an electron, resulting in gamma radiation. Caesium-137 is a good radioisotope to claim it transmutated into as it emits gamma radiation, isn’t too deadly (as long as you don’t get too close or can shield yourself), and has a half life of 30 years which is freakishly long but pretty short compared to other radioisotopes. 

-Black!k

Kryptonians/Humans: Splits the person exposed into two beings that manifest as good/pure being and another one evil/corrupt. 

-Blue!k

Kryptonians: Can reverse the effects of red!k, but doesn’t really do anything to kryptonians. It’s actually the green!k for Bizarros which are basically fucked up kryptonian clones.

-Silver!k

Formation: Fun fucking story, Jimmy olsen designed it as a park for Superman’s anniversary???

Kryptonians: Silver!k is basically what humans would consider to be a really fucked up psychotropic drug, like something that would come straight out of a Nazi laboratory. It causes hallucinations/delusions that warp reality and make whatever is going on at the moment seem sinister. Besides severely altering one’s perception of reality, it also induces extreme hunger and a loss of inhibition. Although, that could be a result of not being able to trust your own fucking reality instead of because of the kryptonite. Jimmy really fucked up here...

-Kryptisium or K!X-Basically creates a power surge that accelerates a kryptonians absorption of solar energy. 

-Mango!K-Just tracks objects from Krypton

-K!X (not x!k)

Animals: Can bestow the powers of a kryptonian on any earth animal. This is how Streaky, Krypto, Super Horse, and Super Monkey came to be. Don’t look into Super Horse unless you want to be Super Traumatized.

Tidbits: Purple spotted!k makes Super Pets chase their tails if they have one which is honestly a really weird thing to think up/illustrate/fit into a plot line/etc. if you think about it.

[kaleraniel]

100 questions for dæmons

[motherofadamsfamily]

Nepal 2020 - Chitwan

Day 8 Chitwan 15 Mar

Leopards and Rhinos and Bears - Oh My!!!

Today was massive – we drove in and through the Chitwan jungle for roughly 11 hours! Som picked us up at 7.30, and we proceeded to the lake for our canoe transfer to the other side of the river, where our jeep safari would begin.

A misty morning stillness hung over the lake, as we were silently paddled over the glassy surface of the water. Gomez and I remained seated in the narrow canoe, while Som showed off by balancing on the bow. It only took a couple of minutes, and we were greeted on the other side by our safari driver, Babu. Settled in to our seats at the rear of the open-top jeep, and we were off. This is different to our African safaris – the jungle here is like dense bush scrub, overgrown with a tangle of vines and lantana, whereas Africa was largely on the open savannahs. I also don’t think we would have ever had an open-top jeep in Africa (that’s a separate blog to come!)– hungry lions would have put paid to that!

As we trundled along, we saw many deer, antlers blending in to the surrounding bush, peeking nervously through the trees, only to gallop away as we approached. Male peacocks abounded, performing their mating ritual ‘dance’ for their prospective partner. Sadly, many ‘invitations’ were declined – we grinned at the stunned looks on the faces of the males, after strutting around confidently, fanning their plumage to the peahen, only to have her turn away in disinterest. Babu stopped the jeep under a particular gnarled tree – we didn’t understand why at first, until he pointed among the leaves. ‘Black face monkeys’ Som informed us. Sure enough, cheeky faces peered down at us, as they swung from limb to limb through the branches, in search of the perfect berry. We watched in delight, but they made it hard to get a photo as they leapt overhead.

We spied numerous termite mounds, about 2-3 feet high. Som proudly shared his knowledge - yes, they were amazingly intricate formations of natural housing, but I didn’t have the heart to tell him how large our termite mounds grow back home!

Apparently there has been a fair amount of rain lately, as the tracks were extremely muddy. The jeep squelched through these tyre-track puddles with ease. Until, that is, we spotted a leopard on a track to the left of us, about 50 metres away. Som told us that there was less chance of spotting a leopard than a tiger, so we shared his excitement as Babu turned the jeep and made to follow. You guessed it – in his haste, Babu got bogged in one of these swampy puddles, and at one stage we thought we would be stuck there indefinitely as the jeep failed to find traction. The leopard was startled (obviously!), took a look at us, and disappeared into the bush. Dammit! We missed a perfect photo opportunity, but I’ll always have the memory of that moment, and the exhilaration of the rare find.

We stopped for a picnic lunch beside a marshy mangrove, where we were assured a rhino was resting in the water. Sure enough, as we sat to eat, we could hear him ‘blowing bubbles’ in the water below. Whether from his mouth, or somewhere else, I’m not sure! We chatted in hushed tones as we ate, along with other safari groups, and watched as distant rhinos wandered down to the opposite river bank, drank, and returned to the shadows of the jungle. But ‘our fellow’ refused to stir. Som told us to be patient, and that he would ‘wake him up’ once the other parties had left. Sure enough, once we were on our own, he clapped his hands loudly, making barking sounds all the while. Success! But not for long – the rhino jumped up in surprise at the sound, looked at us, shook his head at the interruption, turned around and plopped back into the water. He was so comical, we couldn’t help but laugh.

Gomez had fun snapping shots of a wild boar that wandered near to our picnic spot. He actually came very close to Gomez, but was unconcerned with the proximity – I would say because of the ruddy great tusks that protruded from either side of his snout! He trotted away snuffling for more jungle treats, and I could only think how lucky we were – not only to have seen him, but to have him show no interest in us whatsoever!

We bounced and jostled in the jeep over the rutted tracks for a long while, unable to discover anything new. But it was so wonderful just to be out and about in this glorious weather, feeling like Sir David Attenborough, on the prowl for our next great find.

We visited the jungle crocodile conservation centre. Though it was closed for maintenance, they were quite happy to let us stroll around, viewing the various stages of crocodile growth. There are two types of croc here - the Gharial, which has a very long, very narrow snout, and can only shuffle slowly along on its’ belly, which makes it relatively harmless to humans. Sadly, the snouts of the Gharial are so long and brittle, they appear to snap quite easily (the lower jaw in particular), by the appearances of the ones we saw. Maybe that’s why they live here – they’re unable to fend for themselves in the wild?

The other is the broad snout croc, which is like ours back home, can move at speed both in and out of the water, and it’s not fussy about what it eats. OK – so we don’t necessarily want to come close up to one of THOSE during our safari!

Given the shadows were starting to lengthen, Babu decided it was time to head back to the park entrance. We’ve had to show our permits to rangers more than once, to prove we weren’t there to cause any harm to the animals, and Som informed us that we were meant to be out by 6pm. Uh-oh – it was already nearly 5 o’clock!

We hustled along at a fair pace, keen to exit the park. Gomez glanced to the left upon reaching an opening in the foliage, and yelled “Stop!” To the side of us, a rhino was quite happily wallowing in the waters of a small pool. He ducked his head intermittently, munching on the weeds growing at the bottom of the pool, rolling along in his search. It was wonderful to see one at such close range, but we couldn’t spend too long enjoying the spectacle, as we had a deadline.

Babu increased the speed once we departed the rhino, and we bounced around in the back seat, the now-cool air starting to bite at our faces. Again – a sudden stop, this time at Babu’s command. He pointed silently to the roadside to our immediate left, where we could hear snorting and scratching in the undergrowth. We peered closely and spied black fur amongst the greenery. A few moments later, a small black bear ambled out on to the road behind us! Oh, wow! He was gorgeous – he gazed at us curiously, decided we obviously meant no harm, and waddled on his way.

By this stage, it was past 6 pm, and Babu was flying along the track. We turned and watched as the suns’ last rays fell across the jungle landscape – another beautiful sunset. We finally made it back to the riverbank in the dusky gloom, to be greeted by another wild boar! I wasn’t going to get out of the jeep, but Som rooted around in our food sack and found some scraps, and threw them to the boar. “Quick” he called, and, while the boar was distracted, I hobbled as fast as my little legs could carry me to the waiting canoe. Apparently Som and Babu are in a bit of trouble, as it was 6.30pm by this stage, and our hotel manager had been calling the rangers to ask where we were. Som very cheekily made up a story about us being delayed due to being bogged (well –that was SORT of true, only much earlier in the day!), and we were paddled at haste back across the river.

We thought that we had only just made it back to the hotel in time for dinner, only to find that two plates had been made up for us, waiting for our return. What a bunch of sweeties! We ate, and as we walked back to our room, I noticed the mural at the top of the staircase. My gosh – true to his word, the artist had succeeded in completing his work! Well done, I must say!

[nofomoartworld]

Hyperallergic: Monkey Around with a Simian Cinema Series

Still from Mighty Peking Man

With 2017 bringing the two latest entries in long-running film franchises featuring clashes between humans and apes, Anthology Film Archives’ upcoming exploration of this ongoing fascination, Simian Vérité, is perfectly timed.

“The series is predicated on something of a joke,” Anthology guest programmer Steve Macfarlane explained via email. “The tension between primate and human can be taken in so many different directions that the hook is mostly just an excuse to watch movies about monkeys.”

Macfarlane explores some of those directions with 11 examples taken from the rich tradition of man/monkey movies. You can see Oscar nominee Charlotte Rampling as a diplomat’s wife who becomes enamored with a chimp in Max Mon Amor or watch an ape become infatuated with a human in the Dino de Laurentiis–produced 1976 version of King Kong. Other entries take more oddball inspiration from that 1933 classic, including King Kong Escapes, a 1967 Japanese remake incorporating pop-art design, and Bye Bye Monkey, in which Gérard Depardieu and Marcello Mastroianni rescue a chimp found near the giant ape’s decomposing corpse. In what is likely the strangest film in a series full of strange films, zombie maestro George Romero’s Monkey Shines: An Experiment in Terror contains the sight — rare in real life but repeated in this flick — of a quadriplegic man slow-dancing to Peggy Lee with his helper capuchin monkey.

Still from Primate

While Simian Vérité’s hodgepodge of cinematic primates spans genres, three movies provide the best cross-section of the series’ many representations of apes. The offerings can be divided into portrayals that are fictional (a live orangutan going on a road trip with Clint Eastwood in 1978’s Every Which Way But Loose), factual (documentarian Frederick Wiseman’s account of scientific testing on live apes in 1974’s Primate), and farcical (a man in a suit in the 1977 Hong Kong King Kong ripoff Mighty Peking Man).

In the fictional realm, Every Which Way But Loose starts from a fairly outlandish premise: Eastwood’s truck-driving protagonist travels across the American southwest seeking his runaway lady love — an aspiring country singer — with the help of his friend Orville (Geoffrey Lewis) and his pet orangutan Clyde. They are hunted by disgruntled police and a vengeful biker gang but manage to best their adversaries via slapstick contrivances. For this kind of wackiness to resonate with the audience, the comic timing and execution need to be pitch perfect, But director James Fargo has a faulty instinct to overemphasize the least funny aspects of his film’s comedy. This proves especially compromising in the portrayal of Clyde. Manis, the orangutan who plays Clyde, is a great performer, seamlessly interacting with his co-stars. The director, though, tends to take Manis’s gift for mimicry and showcase it in static shots of the animal behaving like a person, a trope that most often presents itself in the form of the ape raising a middle finger at an enemy. Even before an age where “orangutan doing human things” could return about 4,109 clips on YouTube, these shots lack the originality and wit that could have made them compelling. Considering the degree to which Fargo restricts Manis’s natural charisma with stilted, self-conscious shots, his decision to use a live animal in the first place is baffling.

Still from Every Which Way

Still from Every Which Way

Unlike Every Which Way, Wiseman’s Primate uses real apes to its advantage. In much of his work, Wiseman is content to simply allow images, naturally occurring sounds, and conversation to speak for themselves. He typically avoids the exposition-spouting talking heads of most documentaries; all dialogue comes in the form of conversation. In fact, Primate’s audience watches more than 55 minutes of animal experiments as well as conversations between researchers before a goateed, bespectacled scientist lets the camera know that he and his colleagues seek to “elucidate human and great ape evolution.” Here Wiseman embraces the talking heads that he normally eschews because humans in this instance are not the main characters. Since apes — the film’s true protagonists — cannot speak, knowing the scientists’ goals and motivations does not compromise the objective distance that Wiseman strives to maintain.

The gorillas, chimpanzees, and orangutans provide the type of spontaneity that typically attracts Wiseman’s camera. Unlike Manis in Every Which Way, the animals are thoroughly resistant to stiff blocking and staging, moving as they please and drowning out all other sounds with their shrieks of captivity. Their expressive faces and familial gestures toward each other remain at the center of shots as often as possible. While scenes of mechanical masturbation and one dissection are not for the faint of heart, seeing Primate on the big screen is essential for any ape fan, as the large canvas at Anthology puts these animals’ humanity on vivid display.

Still from Mighty Peking Man

Ho Meng-hua’s Mighty Peking Man finds another way to shine a spotlight on apes’ humanity. This riff on King Kong — re-released in the United States in 1999 by Quentin Tarantino’s Rolling Thunder Pictures — begins with the reassuring trumpet fanfare and logo shield of Shaw Brothers Studio, the producers of so many classic kung fu films. However, the remake has more in common with the output of Japan’s Godzilla factory Toho Studios, using a human in a suit instead of a live animal to portray its titular monster Utam. This choice creates a comfortable balance between the wooden staging of Every Which Way and the unpredictability of Primate. With “suitmation” (as fans have affectionately named it), Ho has the opportunity to plan and rehearse his shots without sacrificing fluidity of movement, painting the creature as essentially human.

Besides the ape suit, special effects nerds have plenty more to enjoy. Back projection makes human beings appear miniscule in comparison to the images of a giant raging ape displayed on a screen in the background. Model vehicles ground the action in reality, especially in a plane crash sequence where fire mangles actual physical material. On a grander scale, the ape is often represented by a large replica of his hand that grasps the protagonist explorer (Danny Lee) and provides affection to Samantha (Evelyne Kraft), his childlike human companion and Fay Wray analogue. Like most of the selections in Simian Vérité, Mighty Peking Man favors practical effects over CGI — a preference Macfarlane shares. “Avoiding CGI was not an entirely conscious choice, except insofar as I’m trying to avoid it for the rest of my life as a movie lover,” he joked.

Still from Primate

While the works in Simian Vérité provide an extensive cross-section of ape portrayals on film, Macfarlane lamented, “If there were a great ape film without human characters, that would have been ideal [for the series] too, but we’re not there yet.”

Perhaps this dream represents the future of simian cinema. While the dreaded CGI could readily accomplish this feat, a recent example of live animals in film might provide a better blueprint. Hungarian director Kornél Mundruczó’s 2014 canine revenge story White God is a misanthropic slog, but its choreography of a dog army is a breathtaking accomplishment. Imagine an ambitious animal trainer turning similar attention toward apes at feature length. This approach could yield the type of once-in-a-lifetime spectacle that only the cinematic experience can deliver, reigniting the wonder and awe that audiences feel every time they see their genetic ancestors on the big screen. Until then, the fictional, factual, and farcical portrayals on display at Anthology will more than suffice.

Simian Vérité runs at Anthology Film Archives (32 2nd Avenue, East Village) from June 16 through 27. Spectacle (124 South 3rd Street, Brooklyn) hosts Missing Links, a companion series programmed by Macfarlane, until June 30.

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