#or is this just the stress of living in the UK manifesting | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

teamhappyme · 4 years

Text

a series of promising events (4/5)

aaron hotchner x female!reader

word count: 6.7k

a/n: happy new year!! we’ve made it to part 4! this part differs from the 3 previous ones, as it takes place all in one (and a half) days. But there are flashbacks, represented with italics. if anything is confusing with the timeline, or anything else is confusing you in general, please let me know! my brain is a weird place and does not connect the dots when i post for a public audience. i hope you guys enjoy this part, it was really fun for me to write!

get ready, let’s go friends!

here are the links to part 1, part 2, & part 3

****

October 2012

“Some people care too much. I think it’s called love.” - Winnie the Pooh

You’re known for your predictability. Yes, you’re overly kind, extremely perceptive, and a little bit of a literary genius. But those closest to you knew the predictability of your life.

You craved routine. You woke up at 5:30 every morning, had breakfast, watched the news, and caught up on some domestic things before heading into the office. You stopped at the same bagel cart every morning, an Asiago bagel with butter for you and a coffee for Spencer. Monday’s, you treated the whole team. You got to work at 7:12, second only to Hotch.

The team knew how you would react to every case. Missing or dead children would cause you to go silent, families being the target would choke you up, and anything including a scumbag with a signature kill made you nauseous.

So it was safe to say they were more than surprised to find out that you’d left for a month long european holiday, from an email, with Strauss cc'd on it. The team couldn’t remember the last time you went on vacation, because you hadn't gone further than two hours in one day.

In your travels through Europe, you stopped in countries that you’d only dreamt about visiting in your dreams. You saw Nyhavn, Denmark, the colorful canal right outside of Copenhagen. Hopped through Warsaw and Gdansk in Poland, before being silenced by your tour of Auschwitz. Next was France, the country you always said you would flee to once you aged out of the system. Besides hitting all the touristy attractions in Paris, you traveled through the alps, and made sure you stopped to see Giverny, the little village that inspired Claude Monet and his water lily paintings. The last true destination was Spain, jumping at the chance to flex your spanish minor muscles. You roamed Barcelona and Madrid, feeling a little like the Cheetah Girls as you stood in front of La Sagrada Familia.

The more you travelled, the more you’d thought about quitting. Thought about sending your resignation to Strauss through an email, leave your desk full of the mementos and picture frames, and continue falling in love with the continent you’d never been to before.

But then you made your final stop in London, to the sister who you missed immensely, and lost the nerve entirely.

“You’ll regret leaving them for the rest of your life,” Emily said to you, and you wondered for a second if she was projecting her decisions onto you.

“They don’t deserve me.” You’d mumbled out, just loud enough for her to hear. “I can’t continue on like this.”

You’d given the team everything you had for seven and a half years. The job demanded personal sacrifices you never thought you’d be capable of, until you met the people who signed on for this before you. The people who shared the same commitment to helping others, the responsibility to improve the world around them before the one that housed them. It was the first time you felt at home in your quarter century existence.

But the work never seized. The jet began to feel more like home than your apartment, hotel beds provided more comfort than your own pillow covered mattress. And no matter how many people you saved, no amount of gratification from loved ones could quell the loneliness building back inside you.

So you listened to Emily, and came back to the states on your original return flight, October 23, 2012. You returned to the real world in less than seventy-two hours and promised Garcia you would brush up on the next case before debriefing on Monday morning.

You were betting on the fact that the team wasn’t lingering around the office, considering it was seven thirty on a friday night as you headed up in the elevator, fresh off your flight from the UK. The last thing you wanted was someone to corner you, when all you wanted to do was sleep off the lingering memories of your last night here.

The glass doors leading into the BAU gave you a view of the bullpen; empty. Opening the door, you walked over to your desk, quickly glancing around the other spaces to see if anything had changed. It hadn’t.

Grabbing the files Garcia left on your desk and your car keys from the drawer, you tidied up the space the tiniest bit. You made sure everything was squared off to your monitor, updating the days passed on your desk calendar. You wrote a reminder on a yellow sticky to thank Reid for watering your small desk plant and stuck it to the screen for Monday. Everything looked like it was in its place, until you saw a blue stress ball sitting on your chair. Your head whipped up to the office at the top of the stairs, but the lights were off and the door shut. He wasn’t here.

But you could feel the stare of his eyes from four weeks ago on you just the same.

You guys were working a local case in the District.

The unsub had murdered three men, each with one shot to the head execution style. There were no signs of torture, and all three men were found with their eyes closed and arms crossed over their torsos; signs of remorse.

It took the team thirty hours to stick the profile and find the woman responsible. Her name was Kathryn Downey, a forty two year old mother of three, with a law degree that hadn’t been used in fifteen years. After digging into the victims personal lives and her own, the motive and stressor became clear to everyone; her husband had cheated on her.

You found Kathryn with a gun pointed to her husband’s head, his hands and feet duct taped, and a strip around his mouth keeping him silent.

Her hands were shaking, and you knew from the second you saw her that she didn’t want to kill him. She was angry, and full of rage, but she wouldn’t be able to follow through with this.

As long as you use the right language.

“Kathryn, put the gun down, we’re with the FBI.” Hotch started in a calm voice, but she shook her head, hands shaking faster.

“No. I have to do this. He,” She took a breath, pushing the hair out of her face with her free hand. “He has to pay.”

You glanced at Aaron before taking a step closer, slowly lowering your weapon. She needed to feel safe, and she needed to feel like an equal.

“Kathryn, my name is y/n l/n. I’m with the Behavioral Analysis Unit from the FBI. I really want to help you through this situation, so I’m going to put my gun down, alright?” You slowly lowered the gun to the ground, kicking it back gently to Hotch.

“Now Kathryn, I know your children are here. I don’t want anything to happen to them, and I know you don’t either, so could you tell me where they are so we can help them?”

“In the basement, I locked them in the basement. I didn’t want them to,” She let the thought end, not wanting to manifest it into the universe. She didn’t want them to see their mother kill their father.

Hotch spoke gently into the comms, getting Morgan and Rossi down to the kids.

“Kathryn, I want to know why we’re here in this situation. I’ve read the file, I profiled you and your family, but I want to know your side of the story. Why are you holding a gun to your husbands head?”

Her eyes widened in the slightest, and you were sure it was from the empathy in your voice. But this was your specialty, and you were determined to talk this woman down.

“He cheated on me,” She whispered, and for a split second, you thought this was going to be easy. But then she pressed the gun harder into his head, and let out a low laugh. “After everything I’ve done for this family, for him, he just takes his pants off for another woman?”

You heard the safety click off, and Hotch’s own in return. Please do not end in a shootout.

“Kathryn, don’t look at him. Don’t think about him kneeling in front of you. Just focus on me. Tell me how you got to this moment right now.”

“How did I get to this moment? I got here by following around this sad excuse for a man for the last twenty years. Like a moth to a flame, I couldn’t escape this life of mine.” Her eyes started to water, and you internally sighed. You were getting somewhere. “I have a law degree, you know. Fifth in my class at Columbia, and I only used it for a year. And it was in sleazy corporate law. Because I got married, and I got pregnant, and Sean wanted someone to stay home with the kids.

“I went from the intelligent corporate attorney with her eyes set on the attorney general’s office, to a cliche housewife who spends her days cleaning and dotting on her husband and kids. I never wanted to be this woman,” She closed her eyes, letting the tears fall down her face freely. She looked so young in this vulnerable state, too young to have three children. Yet she looked so tired, and so defeated. “I gave up everything for this family. I gave up my career, friends, bucket list dreams, and a life that was waiting to be lived, for this man. I cater to his every need, I listen to him drone on about work, assure him when he’s feeling anxious, and give in when he needs a release. I am my children’s rock; when they need a shoulder to cry on I’m there in a second. They need help with their math homework, I’m the number one girl. But when it’s my turn to fall apart, when it’s my turn to be lifted up and supported, nobody is there for me. And he should be able to be there for me.”

If you hadn’t undergone intense training at Quantico, you would’ve been in tears by now. You empathized with this woman more than you should, and you were trying so desperately to help her out of this situation. So you continued to dig your fingernails into your palms, and spoke again.

“I know what you’re feeling, Kathryn.”

“You don’t know what I’m feeling!” Wrong move. She ripped the gun away from her husband and fixed the trigger on you. Hotch moved so that he was only one step behind you, trying to get her to lower the gun. “You have no idea what this is like!”

“I do, Kathryn. I promise you I do. I may not be a wife, or a mother, but I know what it’s like to give yourself completely to a person. I know what it’s like to hold onto the stress and fears of the people you love. I understand, because I’m this person too.

“People like you and me, we feel the need to be the emotional support for everyone we love. We never want to see them struggle, and we never want to see them in pain. So, we listen. We overcompensate to make them feel better, and we check in regularly to make sure they’re okay. Our happiness, as strange and sad as it may be, is directly linked to theirs. We can’t be happy unless they’re happy. But once they come out of their depression, once they thank us for being the light in their lives, they walk away, and take the happy rainbow with them. And they don’t leave any for us.” Tears continued to fall down her face, but you needed to go further. She was going to break if you kept going. “Kathryn, I was in your position not long ago. I remember what it feels like when you realize that the love you have for someone won’t be reciprocated. That after everything you’ve done for them, all the small moments that you succeeded in taking their grief away and bringing happiness back into their life, they still don’t appreciate you. And it’s heartbreaking.

“But I’m standing across from you today, on the other side of that pain, trying to tell you that it gets better. It doesn’t go away, but it gets a hell of a lot better, Kathryn. So please, do not let this one moment that you couldn’t take the pain away ruin all the times you did.”

You expected the tears. You expected an emotional end to this situation. You didn’t expect Kathryn Downey to drop her gun in the middle of the room, and collapse onto you. But that’s exactly what she did. And instead of letting go to untie her husband, instead of joining Hotch in cuffing her, you held her for a minute. You held her breaking heart in your hands, and tried your hardest to take away all her fears and pain for once in her life.

After a minute, you pulled away and grabbed a hold of her upper arm. She gave you a slight nod, knowing this is what was always going to happen. You led her down the stairs and into the back of a squad car, as Aaron helped the husband to his children once outside of the house.

You were leaning against the suburban that you came in, watching as the team debriefed with the local pd before being dismissed. But amongst the chaos, Hotch found your eyes, and gave you a knowing look. One that meant you were going to talk through the very personal negotiation you gave.

The team arrived back at the office just shy of ten o’clock, Penelope waiting for Derek at the elevator. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder as you led the gang into the bullpen, everyone dropping their go bags at their desks.

You lingered for a moment as Hotch made his way up to his office, knowing you’d be joining him in a few seconds. You grabbed your blue stress ball, complimentary from the C.A.L.M. department meeting, as through the curtains you could see him drop his bag before checking his phone for any messages from Jack.

“L/n,” Here it comes. “Can I talk to you in my office please?”

You and Spencer shared a look, and he gave you a comforting smile in return. You took the steps two at a time to his office, and shut the door behind you once you arrived. He was standing behind his desk, so you didn’t feel the need to sit yourself.

You waited for him to speak, since he was the one that called you in. It was a little childish, but you weren’t the one who wanted the discussion.

“I want to talk about the negotiation.”

“I thought it was pretty successful. I empathised, I got her to drop her weapon, and no one was injured in the process.”

“Y/n, you know that’s not what I meant.” He uncrossed his arms, letting out a sigh. The two of you were too exhausted to have this conversation, but that wasn’t going to stop Hotch from going on. “I told you that you could lean on me when it all became too much.”

“That was six years ago, Hotch.” Defensive, but not rude. A fine line. “And this wasn’t about work, this was personal. You’re not obligated to listen to our personal issues that take place outside the office.”

“And you are?” Stop spinning my words, Hotchner. “I know you, y/n. This isn’t just something that can be brushed back under the rug.” You scoffed. “You don’t know me.”

“Excuse me?”

“You don’t know me, Hotch. None of you do. You know my file. You know that I got a full ride to Bowdoin, that I was a social worker before transferring here, and that most of my life before eighteen was sealed away. I confided in you six years ago about my childhood and now you think you know me?”

“Why are you getting so defensive?”

“I’m not-” You paused, knowing that if you finished that statement it would, in fact, be defensive. “I’m just really tired and I don’t want to be having this conversation right now.”

“It’s not healthy for you to keep everything in while people spill their lives to you. And you know that.”

“Hotch,” You warned, your exhaustion quickly turning into rage.

“What, you really think I’m just going to drop this after hearing you confess to a serial killer that you have no joy in your life? And now you’re going to try and convince me that I don’t know anything about you? Bullshit, y/n. I know that you talk to your foster siblings every sunday to check in and make sure they’re all doing okay. I know that you volunteer with Garcia to help the families of victims cope with their loss. I know that you cling to Spencer like gum wherever you go to make him feel less insecure in a bar.”

“Stop it,”

“I know that your favorite color is purple, that you still write articles for CNN and The Times under a pseudonym. And I know, more than anything in the world, you want to be the mother that you never got to have.”

“Stop it!” You threw the blue ball into his builtins, hitting one of his stupid administrative awards in the process. He didn’t even flinch. “You don’t get to know me like that.”

“Why not?” You let out a low laugh as tears started to fill in your eyes. He was oblivious, and that's what made it hurt even more. You cracked your knuckles for a few seconds, waiting for him to connect the words you spoke at the Downey house and your frustration with him in this moment.

But his face softened, the wrinkles disappeared from his forehead, and you knew he figured it out. He didn’t need to say the words for you to know exactly what was going through his head. But he was with Beth, and you were not going to interfere. This wouldn’t change anything.

“It’s late, I should head home. I’ll get you my report before monday.”

You left his office without saying goodnight, and you tried to ignore the rest of your team huddled around Morgan’s desk, pretending not to be eavesdropping. But they totally were.

Instead you grabbed your bags, giving Spencer a reassuring smile as his gaze lingered on you for a second longer. You had no intentions of turning around to see Hotch’s face. But if you had, you would’ve seen the same heartbroken expression across his face, realizing he let you walk away.

You tore your eyes away from the office, not wanting to relive the memory any longer. You stashed the stress ball under your monitor before turning out the light, and making your way back to the elevator.

Once you were settled back in your apartment, you sent a text to Reid and JJ, letting them know you got in okay and that you’d see them at the office on Monday. After getting a thumbs up and a ‘glad you’re home’ in response, you turned in for the night, trying to dream of nights in Paris and Barcelona instead of at the BAU.

---

It was hard for you to get back in the routine of consulting and profiling. Garcia had left you copies of three cases the team was going to be working on when you returned, and you’d barely worked through the first one in two hours.

Three teenagers went missing from their small town in Idaho, and all were found in Seattle in the same week. Of course, your first case back included kids.

You resorted to calling Spencer when you really had no idea where to begin. You felt like a rookie all over again, asking for help when creating a geographical profile or running new negotiation tactics. But your best friend was quick to help, assuring you that once you got back to the office, you’d fall back into the routine.

“Did you have a good time?” He finally asked, albeit apprehensively. You didn’t leave on the best terms with anyone, and they all seemed to know what pushed you over the edge.

“I did. It’s amazing to know that there is a whole other world out there that we don’t even know about. It’s so different over there, Spence. It’s peaceful, and beautiful, and everything the place you call home should be.”

You could hear the intake of breath over the line. “Does that mean you’re moving to Spain?” A smile crossed your lips just thinking about Barcelona. But, it wasn’t home.

“This is my home, Spencer. I’m not leaving anytime soon.” You left out the part about contemplating a new life for the better part of three weeks, knowing it would only cause him more paranoia. You were staying in Quantico, continuing what you were born to do.

After drafting a rough profile and reviewing family statements, you took a break from the paperwork staring back at you all morning.

You made your way into the kitchen to find something for lunch, the afternoon approaching quick. All you really wanted to do was crash on the couch and watch old movies for hours, until monday morning inevitably rolled around. Selfishly you wanted your vacation to last forever. But your mind, and your bank account, thought differently.

After consuming a sandwich and some chips, you brought back the fresh mug of hot chocolate to the kitchen table, ready to take on the second file. Two women raped, tortured, and murdered outside of Miami. Why the fuck did it always have to be Florida.

Halfway through the family statements, there was a knock at your door. You grabbed your gun from the side table, just in case. Only three people had a key to your apartment. One of them was in England, one you just got off the phone with, and one… you didn’t exactly know where you stood with him.

After checking the peephole and seeing Hotch on the other side, you let out a sigh of relief. No one is coming to muder you. But it was quickly replaced with the memories of your last encounter, and the unspoken realization of feelings unrequited.

You placed your gun back on the table, and unlocked the door for him. He was wearing a navy blue quarter zip, jeans, and sneakers, the ultimate Aaron Hotchner not on duty look. It made your heart beat just a little faster noticing his hair was free of any gel, flopping naturally as he walked.

“Hi,” You greeted him, half of you hidden behind your front door.

A shadow of a smile crossed his lips, and he placed his hands in his pockets. “Hi. I’m sorry for stopping by unannounced. I know you must be tired and getting ready for Monday.”

“No, it’s okay. Did you want to come in?” You opened the door a little more, stepping out to show your sweatpants and sweatshirt look from behind the door.

“Thank you.” He murmured as he walked through the entrance, moving to take off his shoes. You told him a million times that you didn’t follow that rule, and that you hated it when people made their guests remove their shoes. But he told you once that it was a sign of comfort, that he felt at ease in someone else's home.

“Can I get you something to drink? I have some tea bags left over I think, or I can make you a cup of coffee.”

“No, I’m okay.”

“Are you sure? It’ll only take a second. Oh, are you hungry? I still have some sealed crackers from before I left, might have something in the freezer if-”

“Y/n,” He interrupted you and you stopped in the middle of your path to the kitchen. “I’m fine.”

“Okay,” You nodded, making your way back to the living room. “Oh, I um, got something for Jack while I was in England with Emily. I know it’ll probably keep him holed up in his room for a week, but I couldn’t resist.”

You pulled out the bag of souvenirs you got for the team, grabbing the London attractions lego set you bought for the young boy. Aaron smiled when you handed it to him, knowing the two of them would no doubt be starting this when he got home.

“You didn’t have to get this for him. But he’s gonna love it.”

“I know.” You reached in the bag once more, pulling out the gift you got for Aaron. “And I know you’ll probably never wear this, but I had to get it for you.”

He opened the box, a british flag tie on the inside. He couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his lips, the tacky gift really meaning a lot to him. “Thank you. I can honestly say this is the most unique gift I’ve ever received.”

“Glad to hear it.” You tucked your foot underneath you as you settled onto the couch, letting Aaron set the gifts aside. You knew what conversation was coming next, but you didn’t have the courage to start it. Especially since he was the one to come to you.

He settled in on the couch, a cushion between the two of you, a clear boundary that he’d set.

“Did you enjoy your time over there?”

“I had a really great time. I can’t believe I’d gone thirty two years without leaving the country. You don’t realize how much of the world there is to see until you go and uncover a small fraction of it.”

He smiled while beginning to pick at his fingernails. This was a new tell of his, he was usually extremely reserved with his anxiety. “You sound like Emily.”

“I’m going to take that as a complement.” You said with a small laugh, adoring the woman across the ocean.

“It is. She called me a few days ago, told me you guys had a nice visit.”

“We did. Prentiss knows how to have a good time no matter the city. It was a little too much for me, though.”

“Nobody can quite keep up with Emily.” He added before letting out a breath.

“She also told me that you were contemplating leaving the BAU.” There goes the first shoe, dropping from the ceiling. “Are you still thinking of quitting?”

“No.” It was the truth. Em had spoken some sense into you, and you knew deep down, like you told Spencer, this was your home. “I just needed a break from everything. And Europe was an amazing distraction. But I’m back, and ready to get back into the swing of things.”

He nodded, some tension slowly released from his shoulders. He couldn’t lose another member. It was too soon.

“Was it because of me?”

“What?” Even though you were expecting this conversation, it still caught you off guard.

“I’m not conceited enough to think you fled to another continent because of a fight, but is that what pushed you over the edge? What led you to want to quit the BAU?”

In a word, yes. The argument was the last straw on the camel's back. You’d spent years with this unit, fulfilling a destiny that you made up for yourself so that you wouldn’t feel guilty for not having a family or friends to confide in. You spent the better part of the last three years pining for a man you couldn’t have, trying to fill the holes in your life by playing pretend. So yes, it was Hotch that pushed you over the edge. But you learned a hell of a lot about yourself in those four weeks.

“Hotch, did you know that this was the first time I went on an airplane for my own enjoyment? This was the first vacation I’ve been on in my life. I booked a flight on a Thursday night that left at six a.m. the next morning. I was spontaneous, and in control of all the moves I would make for the next thirty days. I’ve never felt more liberated in my life.

“But then I landed in Copenhagen, and had an anxiety attack. I can’t speak Danish, I have no idea how to get around a new country, and I only had thirty dollars in cash to my name. And the only thing I could think of to help me get through it, was calling you. I had your contact pulled up, ready to call you and tell you what a stupid fucking mistake I made. But then I could hear your voice in my head, saying ‘I know you’, and I’d never turned my phone off faster.”

“Y/n,” He sounded exhausted himself, but you weren’t going to give in to the apologies. Not yet.

“I had the time of my life there. I went to places that I never thought I’d get to see in my life. Places that my foster parents told me I’d never be important enough to go to. But I made it. I made it to Giverny, and I saw what inspired Claude Monet to paint the Water Lilies series with my own eyes. I went inside La Sagrada Familia and walked on the steps that Gaudi dreamt of. I saw everything I wanted to, and I wept every place I went to. Because I got myself there. I persevered and worked my ass off my whole life, to get there. I didn’t have any parents, I didn't have any siblings, a spouse, or children. I did it all by myself, and it felt pretty amazing to accomplish that.

“No one knows me like I do.” You finished. Your walls were back up starting to feel secure in your own skin again.

He stayed silent for a few minutes, maintaining eye contact with you the entire time. He was calculating his response, trying to formulate the perfect response to get the two of you back on track. It was exhausting watching his brain work, and you wondered how tired he must always be.

After another minute, he sighed and dropped his hands into his lap. “Beth and I broke up two weeks before you left.” The other shoe had dropped.

“What?” For the second time tonight, you were rendered speechless by Aaron Hotchner. This was not the response you were expecting, and not the news you expected to hear anytime soon. The two of them were obsessed with one another, how could they just end it?

“We ended it two weeks before your trip. She accepted a job in Kyoto, and didn’t want to string me along with long distance. But she also said she knew my heart wasn’t in it anymore.”

You stood up from the couch, not being able to sit still with this new information. Hotch and Beth were no longer together, he said all those things to you as a single man, understood what you felt for him, and still let you walk out of his office. For four weeks.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” It was his turn to stand, still leaving enough distance between the two of you to continue your pacing.

“Don’t deflect to another conversation.”

“You’re the one that brought it up!”

He sighed, running a hand through his perfectly shaggy hair. “I don’t want to have this conversation with you again. So please, get it through your thick skull when I tell you that I know you. And I don’t mean that on a bureaucratic superior level. I know you, y/n. And just because you’ve been alone your whole life, doesn’t mean you deserve to be alone for the rest of it.”

Your eyes started to water, so you looked away, gluing your line of sight to the wall next to you.

“You give us all one hundred and ten percent of your attention when we need you. And when I say all of us, that includes Jack and Henry. I’ve never met someone so intune to another person's feelings, who exudes so much empathy with one look and a smile. And we’ve taken you for granted for seven and a half years. Me the most.” Your eyes found his brown ones, begging you to continue looking at him. “I couldn’t have gotten through Haley’s death without you. And that is the biggest understatement of the decade. I am eternally grateful for all that you’ve done for me and Jack. But at the same time, I’m so sorry that it pushed me further and further away from you.”

His own eyes started to water, and he choked out a laugh. “What you said to Kathryn Downey, about giving yourself completely to a person and not getting the love reciprocated. I felt like an absolute idiot for not realizing that you felt the same way I did.” You closed your eyes with his confession, letting the tears roll down your cheeks.

“There were so many times I wanted to tell you. But then Haley took Jack, and Foyet came, and the world got away from me. And I’m so sorry that you’ve felt the need to carry all our problems on your own.”

“Hotch, you don’t have to apologize.”

“Please, don’t call me Hotch right now.” He took a step toward you. “It’s Aaron, when I’m standing in front of you, begging you to just let me in.”

“I don’t,” Your voice cracked, and you rubbed your hands over your face in frustration. “I don’t know how to let someone love me.”

“I know,” He took another step closer. “You’re just going to have to trust me when I tell you I’ve been in love with you for years.”

He didn’t see the rest of your tears fall, because you threw yourself at him, wrapping your arms around his neck and burying your face in his shoulder. His arms found their place around your waist, pulling you two impossibly close.

“I love you, Aaron.” You could feel him laughing with his chest pressed against your own, and he moved to kiss the side of your head.

“I love you.” He whispered back, causing the last of your tears to fall onto his sweatshirt.

He started to pull away, just enough to get a look at your face. His eyes were no longer filled with tears, but his cheeks still glistened when the light illuminated the damp spots on his face. He brushed a piece of hair behind your ear, letting his knuckles gently graze your temple. You caught his hand in the middle of his movement, lacing your fingers with his own. You’d been dying to know what it felt like to hold his hand like this for years, when you found yourself comforting him in his office one night, lightly holding his hand in yours. But this was so much better.

“You good?” He asked, and the corners of your mouth turned up the slightest.

“I’m good.” He traced the lightest check mark on your laced hands, causing a true smile to grace your face.

“You have a tally to see who can make me smile the most?”

“It’s just mine. Been keeping it for years. But I’m always in the lead.”

You laughed while letting go of his hand, wrapping your arms back around his neck. His eyes flickered to your lips for a second before looking back at you. You gave him a small nod, knowing he was asking for your permission.

When his lips met yours, you knew this was the feeling that all the fairytales sang about. He was gentle at first, slotting your upper lip between his own. It was slow, and full of love from the years of knowing one another inside and out. He bit your lower lip softly, barely there, and you slowly parted your lips, letting him trace your tongue with his own.

All you could think about was how warm he was, how his breath was actively leaving his lungs and entering your own as if you were one person. It was all consuming, and you were grateful that he took the lead, because you couldn’t focus on anything but him.

His hands slipped under your sweatshirt, resting on the skin just above your hips. You let out a small gasp as his cold fingers made contact with the sensitive skin, but it only made him laugh into the kiss.

After a few more moments of getting lost in the feel of one another, you reluctantly pulled away, needing air to fill up your lungs. But Aaron didn’t go far, gently resting his forehead against your own.

“I love you. And I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to stop telling you.” You closed your eyes and tilted your head up, slowly kissing him again.

“I’ll never get sick of hearing it.” You mumbled, your lips still grazing his own. He smiled into the kiss, which only made your heart glow brighter and brighter the more he showed you how he felt.

You pulled away first, tracing the outline of his jaw with your thumbs. “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He tilted his head to the side, just enough to press a kiss to the palm of your hand.

The tenderness this man exudes is beyond belief. “I really love you, Aaron.”

He laughed while pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I’m glad to hear that.”

You let him hold you for what felt like an eternity, but in reality was only a few minutes. “I promised Jack I would take him out for ice cream to make up for missing his soccer game last night.”

“Okay,” You said and started to pull away, but his grip on your waist only tightened.

“Really? You’re just gonna let go without a goodbye?” You laughed at his fake hurt expression, so incredibly happy that you get to see Aaron in this light, enjoying his son, his life, and you.

“I’m not about to stand in the way of Jack Hotchner and a sugar rush. That guy loves his sugar.”

He let go of your waist, but not without a light squeeze to your sides. “I know we literally just started this, but I really would like to tell him. I don’t want to keep any more secrets from him than I have to.”

You smiled at the thought of Aaron telling Jack how in love the two of you were. It made you feel complete, in a way you never thought you’d get to experience in your life.

“Tell him. As long as he doesn’t blab about it to anyone on the team just yet.”

“You sure?” You nodded while passing him the souvenirs as he slipped his sneakers back on.

“Aaron, he’s your son. I’ve loved him as long as I’ve loved you, maybe even longer.”

He stood up once again, that stupid smile not willing to leave his face any time soon.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

“Must’ve been something pretty good.” You said with a laugh, which he silenced by placing his lips on yours. You hoped the butterflies you felt now would be there every time he kissed you, no matter how many years have passed.

“Like that.” You said once he pulled away. His dimples were showing now, and you wished that you could take a picture of him in this happy moment and remember it for the rest of your lives.

“I’ll call you tonight.” He said and opened the front door.

“Okay. Have fun, tell Jack I said hi.”

“I will.” He kissed your cheek before starting the walk back down the hallway. He didn’t even make it halfway before turning around, and giving you one final kiss in the doorway.

“Love you,” He said and gave you one more peck, before you shoved his shoulder. “I love you too. Now get outta here, Hotchner.”

****

tags: @simplyprentiss @michaelahah @ssahotchner99 @svrgicalhands @hotchtopic @unionjackpillow @philcoolson @tommhollandzxhaz @kathleenjasmine @canimarrypizzaornah @reaperwalking @inlovewithaaronhotchner @shelbymm11 @mrshotchner23 @tropicalwrites @averyhotchner @dreamy-moments @softhxtch @crazymar15 @theinsanespaceship15 @wecouldbreakthedistance @jeor @funnycuteandannoying @andherestograce @thisisntjuliana @captwilson @kennedyblair @lovelysunflowerxoxo @rcompton @iifaequeenii @iwaizumiee @mrsaaronh0tchner @abbeyannsmith-blog @becausehello @rinacriedpower @ssa-raye @ephemeral-barnes @slxtherinchxser @baueoud @lieswithoutfairytales @hug-a-bug-boo @blogmythoughts @freebanditghostcalzone @sugarbutterbailey

#aaron hotchner x female! reader #aaron hotchner x female!reader #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner fic #aaron hotchner imagine #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #jules writes shit ??

68 notes · View notes

inevitably-johnlocked · 4 years

Note

oh well, ig my ask didn't go through ha ha. I'm just-- in a really horrible place. I've been having suicidal thoughts, to the point of thinking up multiple plans...i told my mum, and she seemed to take it as an insult to her? and now it's just-- i don't know who to talk to. there's so much. I'm so lonely. I talk to nobody, I do nothing, I am nothing. I'm afraid of dying, but I'm afraid of living too. I've got no chances to make anything of my life

Hey Nonny *HUGS*

First off, I’m not going to say I know how you feel, because everyone’s depression and mental illness manifests in different ways. Secondly, I am not a professional, so I don’t think it’s my place to tell you how you should proceed. I simply tie my similar experience in an anecdotal way in hopes that maybe they will help you too. And thirdly, you are loved and you are important.

I’m getting the vibe that you are still fairly young, and I want you to know that it DOES get better. I KNOW right now, in All This™, it seems hopeless and pointless. I GET IT. I suffer from Dark Thoughts too because of my seasonal depression that has been unending since last February – it IS something I need help with. But I find what has helped me cope a little bit better is talking with my trusted friends, getting outside on sunny days (mine is greatly affected by weather and stress), and taking time away from social media and the news and do things that I enjoy, like watch movies, bake, and do art. It makes stuff a bit easier in a period that feels like it’s never going to end.

I am saddened and disheartened that your mother is so selfish that she made it all about her. That I DO have experience with. It’s REALLY hard to trust a parent who doesn’t listen to you. She SHOULD be supportive and helping you find therapists and psychologists who can properly diagnose you or help you find coping mechanisms. That actually really upsets me, because my mother is the exact fucking same.

Actually, I did reply to a post fairly recently about Dark Thoughts that I feel will help you feel a bit better <3 Please check it out.

That said, Nonny, I do implore you to now do your own research if your mother isn’t going to help you. And if you’re feeling suicidal, find a help line in your area. Here’s some links copy-pasted from the above post:

741741 Suicide Helpline / Texting Crisis Service

7Cups Online Emotional Support Therapists

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (USA)

Crisis Services Canada

Canada Suicide Prevention Centre: 833-456-4566 || SMS: Text START to 741741

And These other links; given your usage of “mum”, I’m guessing you’re either European or Australian (though that doesn’t say much because I’m Canadian and I use mum from growing up on Britcoms, LOL):

Lifeline Australia

Suicide SupportLine (UK)

Suicide Crisis Helpline (NZ)

And finally, because I do believe you are a minor:

Kid’s Help Phone (They are Canadian, but I think they’ll be able to direct you to the proper place for your country)

I’m sorry I’m not much help outside of this, Nonny, but as I said, I am not equipped with the tools to help you, only the means of which to direct you to people who can. Also, research therapists in your area; your school may also have counsellors who can help you via Zoom chats.

Listen, Nonny, just because you have a selfish parent doesn’t mean that other people don’t want to help you. I know it FEELS that way. The depression makes you think dark thoughts, and makes you feel hopeless. It’s a lie, Nonny. People care.

And for what it’s worth Nonny, you’re important to me and to my Lovelies. And I think you will go on to be exactly who you need to be: yourself. Please do take care of yourself, look into one of these services if nothing else, and know that we’re here for you.

Love you Nonny <3

#steph replies #suicide cw #mental health #suicide helplines #depression cw #i am not a professional #chatting with nonnies #my advice #Anonymous

15 notes · View notes

boyiiish-a · 4 years

Text

HOW TO WRITE A CHARACTER WHO HAS DYSPRAXIA / DEVELOPMENTAL COORDINATION DISORDER (DCD).

hello gang! i’m corrie! annnnd like five seconds ago i decided to write up this guide instead of doing replies. ‘cause i’ve realized, i’ve never actually seen a character in the rp world, that has dyspraxia LIKE ME! so grab a snack, sit down, get comfy and get reading, hopefully you’ll learn something new. enjoy!

WHAT IS DYSPRAXIA (DCD)?:

developmental coordination disorder (DCD), more commonly known as dyspraxia, is a disorder affecting fine and/or gross motor coordination in children and adults. dyspraxia is distinct from other motor disorders such as cerebral palsy and strokes and occurs across the range of intellectual abilities. individuals may vary in how their difficulties present, these difficulties may change over time depending on environmental demands and life experiences etc. an individual's coordination difficulties may affect participation and functioning of everyday life skills in education and work.

often dyspraxia coexists with other conditions such as attention deficit hyperactive disorder (ADHD), dyslexia, language disorders, and social, emotional, and behavioral impairments. dyspraxia is a hidden disability.

WHAT CAUSES DYSPRAXIA (DCD?):

for the majority of those with the condition, there is no known cause. current research does suggest that it is due to an immaturity of neuron development in the brain, rather than to brain damage. people with dyspraxia (DCD) have no clinical neurological abnormality to explain their condition.

HOW DOES DYSPRAXIA (DCD) MANIFEST?:

to save this post getting super long, there are some links below which explain how dyspraxia (DCD) manifests in both children and adults.

dyspraxia in children

dyspraxia in adults

it’s worth noting, depending on the person, dyspraxia (DCD) manifests in different ways. for example, i struggle with my coordination skills, i’m the clumsiest person on the planet, but i’m also quite an organized person.

also, dyspraxia (DCD) varies from person to person, some people can live with quite severe dyspraxia (DCD) and other people may only have it mildly.

DYSPRAXIA (DCD) AND YOUR MUSE:

here is a list of situations your muse could end up in, because of their dyspraxia (DCD).

your muse could be walking down the street, then they trip over thin air. believe me, it happens, i’ve done it so many times.

your muse is running late to meet a friend, they grab a shirt and throw it on, only to discover it’s covered in food stains...they forgot to do the washing because they were too busy playing video games, watching netflix etc......AGAIN!

your muse has a job interview, do they mention that they have dyspraxia? is it worth mentioning, or will it just be a hindrance?

your muse is chatting with friends and says something super awkward without thinking, the group falls silent, how do they react?

your muse is running late for an event, they should have left at two o’clock, but they didn’t keep an eye on the time. how do they keep themselves calm and not get stressed?

your muse is on a first date, it’s going really well, should they mention their dyspraxia. they don’t want to freak the other out.

THINGS TO BE AWARE OF:

dyspraxia is a hidden disability, so at first glance, it’s not obvious that someone lives with it and people may not be forthcoming about it.

don’t be patronizing!! it’s not cute!! dyspraxic adults, are NOT children and should be treated as such.

sentences such as “don’t worry about it, i’m super clumsy too” are actually super harmful towards other dyspraxics (DCD). just because you sometimes bump into people...doesn’t make you a dyspraxic (DCD).

people with dyspraxia are normal people, they all deal with their issues in different ways. they all have passions, interests, friends, and loved ones. dyspraxia (DCD) is just one aspect of their life, not their whole life.

JUST SAYING THIS AGAIN, BUT EVERYONE WITH DYSPRAXIA IS DIFFERENT!! PLEASE DO YA RESEARCH BEFORE CREATING A CHARACTER WITH THE DISORDER!!

RESEARCH:

this is just a super basic overview of dyspraxia, but linked below are some web pages on the topic. i’m also more than happy to share my experiences with you.

dyspraxic foundation, UK

dyspraxia foundation, USA

what is dyspraxia? (NHS website)

is dyspraxia a form of autism?

celebrities with dyspraxia

thanks for taking the time to read over my guide, i hope to see more dyspraxic characters on my dash soon! xx

#indie rp #rpt #writing guide #character guide #rp guide #dyspraxic character

61 notes · View notes

hobbycourses · 3 years

Link

Nowadays, we cannot avoid living in a stressful environment. There are just too many expectations in our work or school performance. We have schedules to keep up with, competency levels to achieve, and tight deadlines to meet. It is not surprising if we end up tired, burned out, and stressed after a very long week at work or school!

Unfortunately, stress can negatively affect our overall performance in these! Not only that, but we might also suffer some problems in our social relationships due to the build-up of stress.

To avoid the negative impact of stress in our lives, we should engage in several recreational activities to release our accumulated work strain. If you browse through the internet, you might see many articles and websites that show you all the possible activities to help you manage stress.

Some of the most common things to help you with this problem are adhering to an excellent exercise routine or follow your local yoga instructors. Also, choosing healthier food options is best to keep the mind and the soul healthy.

Aside from those,painting reduces stress similar to other recreational activities! Did you know that the benefits of painting include unleashing your creative side as well as relieving stress? In this article, we will talk about online painting classes. This might be your next best choice if you are looking for a stress-releasing recreational activity!

WHAT IS AN ARTS AND PAINTING CLASS?

First, let us talk about painting courses and art classes. These can be online or face-to-face classes with painting teachers. They can also be private tutoring sessions that help you learn painting with a one-on-one experience with the teacher.

There are various ways to deliver the painting classes. Other than those, you can choose from many painting classes options available at a particular painting workshop. Hence, you can look for the type of class and skill level courses that fits your needs.

These painting classes will teach you the essential concepts of making art. Classes offered can help you focus on specific topics that pique your interest. For example, if you want to learn about color or brush strokes or still-life drawings, you can mainly find online classes for those.

You can find a painting teacher and online courses that are best for you!

HOW CAN PAINTING RELIEVE STRESS?

The answer to the common question “can you relieve stress by painting?” is yes! Studies have shown that engaging in 45 minutes of creative therapy can help you release your stress. This is regardless of your background in art and talent level.

Painting is a form of creative therapy. This activity can be your routine self-care activity. It will help if you allocate some time for self-care because it is essential to show your mind and body care. Remember, if you are dwelling too much on your stress, your mind and body will eventually suffer the consequences.

With painting and painting classes, you release stress by being in a “state of flow.” This means that your mind is deeply into the activity that you are doing. We can compare this state to meditation. Your focus shifts, and you only focus on the painting that you are doing. Hence, it takes your mind off the stressful things and letting it relax.

In addition, when you paint, you create a new sense of wellbeing. It helps you focus on the strengths and capabilities instead of the stressors in your life. This also enables you to construct a more optimistic view!

There are simple ways to help you start engaging in this stress-releasing activity. First, ensure that you have enough art materials with you. These can be the cheapest ones you find; it does not need to be artist grade yet. Then, you can begin sketching and putting colors to your developing masterpiece! It would be best to do it daily. Try working on projects by setting a goal and follow it routinely.

Online painting classes can be a good choice, especially if you want to boost your confidence in this craft. Or, you can take these painting courses just to fill you with more techniques and skills that can help you enrich your creative side!

BENEFITS OF PAINTING

You might find it challenging to find the stress-releasing activity for you. You may have difficulty and even more frustration if you engage in activities that do not suit your style. For instance, it is tough to maintain your exercises regimen or yoga classes if you are not athletic to begin with!

Painting classes might be the ones you are looking for. Here are some benefits of painting that you need to know:

1. Emotions can be released thru painting

Stress plays a massive part in the kind of emotions that get stored in you. With accumulated stress, negative emotions can begin to take a bigger part of your emotional bank. You will eventually start to manifest these in your work or social relationships.

With painting, you can have a medium where you can release all the emotions that you have. This way, you can have a healthier mental state. Pent up emotions such as rage, frustration, or sadness can be debilitating if you cannot find a way to release them without harming your work performance or social relationships

2. It can help you keep your emotions in check for emotional growth

The canvas receives all the feelings of a painter. As they do so, they can evaluate their mood. You can evidently see if a painting is made by an angry, frustrated, or lonely artist. With this, you can identify the underlying emotions that you may not see in another way.

The benefits of painting include expressing emotions that you have not spokento before. Since you now know them, you can better help yourself work on them and transform them into a more positive expression! Emotional growth is a very impactful benefit of painting.

3. Painting can improve memory and motor skills

Participating in painting workshops can be a guide for you to do painting, even at home. With online courses given by private tutors in the UK, you can routinely practice and improve your painting skills.

Along with learning from your painting teachers, your mind and dexterity are also being trained. Engaging your mind to think and study generally sharpens memory retention. Moreover, your hand-eye coordination will also significantly improve! Art workshops surely give you more benefits than you would expect!

4. Can help you grow in the creatives department

Anyone can have the potential to be a fantastic artist. To boost this, you may choose to take art courses. Taking art classes and painting courses and regularly practicing your skills can help you unleash your potential in the creatives department!

If you want to learn a new skill and release stress, painting classes can help you!

5. Painting can help you persevere and be more optimistic

The benefits of painting can be long-lasting. Constant practice and keeping yourself updated by taking online painting classes can help you develop the determination to improve. Moreover, since painting can release negative emotions, you can now open your mind to positive thinking and optimism.

The virtue of perseverance and optimism that you can develop as you learn painting can be applied to your daily living! This can help you boost your work and school performance. Moreover, building solid relationships with other people can be easier.

The benefits of painting sure sound like something that will help you get through your tough days at work or school!

WHY CHOOSE ART COURSES ON MYHOBBYCOURSES?

Now, you know how enticing painting and the arts are! The best online painting workshops are those which are stress-free and student-centered. This way, the learning environment will make learners feel welcomed. Moreover, your appreciation of painting will be developed as well.

If you want a starting point to engage in this stress-relieving activity, then art courses on myhobbycourses are what you need! This website offers painting courses with the best painting teachers. They can help you learn painting from the comfort of your homes since online classes are available here.

As you invest in private tuition for having online painting classes at myhobbycourses, you can buildup your skill, determination, and knowledge of painting!

Here in myhobbycourses, you get to choose a lot of different online painting classes. All skill levels are welcome! Furthermore, you can select a class topic that fits your interest. If you want to focus on painting landscapes or knowing what colors to choose, myhobbycourses has that class for you.

Painting workshops are very easy to access on myhobbycourses. You can browse their list of classes as well as the schedules available. Pick the one you like best and easily enroll! The student-friendly experience of these online painting classes will surely keep you coming back for more.

So, if you are looking into committing to painting as your means to reduce stress, check out the art courses on myhobbycourses. It can be very life-changing!

#online painting classes #painting courses #myhobbycourses

1 note · View note

captain-grammar · 4 years

Text

I keep having to explain to my mother that the trajectory for dealing with mental health issues does not always trend upwards.

I've been living with generalised anxiety and panic attacks since I was 16. While 15 years of lived experience does NOT make me an expert in the field of mental health, I do have first-hand knowledge that you have better periods in your life and some periods that are more of a struggled. I know my triggers, I know how my anxiety manifests and I know what to do now to get though some of the tougher times.

About 4 years ago, my anxiety was triggered by the stress of university and being in an environment that had triggered my anxiety previously when I was 17. It was recommended by my doctor that I take low dosage anti-depressants and they helped. I almost had to drop out of school because I literally could not leave the house and could not do my work but managed to get my shit together and fucking graduate with Merit. I could not have done that without the aid of SSRIs.

But they aren't always perfect and it's never a case of any one thing being the Holy Grail: one pill, one counsellor and "you're better forever"...

I'd been getting sloppy with remembering to take my medication during the course of the pandemic. Going back into lockdown in December, combined with my grandad dying and the funeral, not having been taking my meds... Well, it didn't go great. I'm back on my medication now and feel a LOT more like myself again but still recognise that I'm not 100% just yet BUT I WILL BE.

Even with medication, because of the incredible stress that we, as social beings, are being put under living with a pandemic that we have littler personal control over - a pandemic that also means we cannot socialise or access our support networks in the way that many of us are accustomed to - it is creating a mental health crisis here in the UK and, most likely, globally. Even medicated, even though previously handling things well, individuals are seeing struggles.

The thing is, my mother (who has previously been on anti-depressants and, personally, had a bad experience with them) is using her own bad experience from 20 years ago combined with myself and one of her work colleagues struggling with their own mental health as a reason NOT to try medication herself. "Pills don't work or why are you still finding it tough?"

Because recovery is not linear. Because these times are unprecedented and we don't know how to control it. Because, sometimes, even entirely healthy people have bad days and that's okay. That doesn't mean things aren't working.

I understand that medication and pills don't work for everybody. But medicine has moved on a LOT in 20 years. I just wish she'd understand that there are peaks and troughs in the recovery of everyone and entertain the idea of seeking medical intervention if needed and not be scared. If she tries medication and it doesn't work, that's fine. But to rule it out outright just doesn't seem helpful when they could work wonders.

#personal #anxiety #mental health #cw: anxiety #cw: panic attacks

3 notes · View notes

ofcloudsandstars · 4 years

Photo

CELESTIAL FORECAST

Week March 30-April 5th

Highlights for this week!

Tuesday the 31st Mars enters Aquarius! Time to revolt!

Friday the 3rd Venus moves into Gemini

Welcome to April!! Only two more weeks until 4/20 which is the beginning of chill Taurus season where we can hope the current crises in all of our lives will start to simmer the fuck down (preferably with a blunt). However that oasis is far away and things will heat up even more this week with the first quarter moon in Cancer putting up the pressure in Aries season as all sorts of celestial shifts take place this week.

30th

Moon in Gemini ☾ Lunar Trines with Juno rx in Libra and Ceres in Aquarius ☾ Lunar Squares with Mercury and Neptune and Eros in Pisces ☾ VOC 4:10PM-12:43PM

Energy: The energy today will feel highly contemplative as the moon continues to transit through gemini. The moon will trine with Juno retrograding in Libra bringing a bit of clarity to what we feel driven to devote our energy towards. Though trines are positive and open-flowing they are harmonious to the point of us not taking note of them being there so these qualities could be easy to overlook. However today notice what makes you feel emotionally satisfied when you apply hard work towards it (the trine in Ceres can help illuminate this) and reflect on where or who would it be beneficial to invest your energy towards. The moon will also square with Mercury, Neptune and Eros in Pisces giving a sense of inner pent up energy along with a lot of confusion and disagreements. Your intuition could be clouded with the Moon squaring Neptune and with the moon squaring Mercury there can be a lot of miscommunication, moodiness and strong tendencies to be opinionated. There can be a battle of emotions vs logic which should be kept internalized so it's best to focus inwards and see where you can positively channel your energy towards. The lunar square with Eros in Pisces, the asteroid of our passions and sexuality will build up a lot of tension to pour our creative energy towards something. It's best to try to focus on the positive trine energies than the conflicting squares to make the most out of this day.

Recommendations: Divination (Focusing on your strengths), pull a card to suggest what you should focus your energy on today, self isolation in your room interacting with your toxic house mates as little as possible, vision board, stream of consciousness writing

________________________

31st

Mars enters Aquarius Mars conjunct Saturn in Aquarius Venus conjunct with Sedna in Taurus

Moon enters Cancer (12:43PM) ☾ Lunar Oppositions with Pluto and Jupiter in Capricorn ☾ Lunar Sextile with Uranus in Taurus ☾ Lunar Square with Chiron in Aries

Energy: Get Ready for the Energy Shift!! These next two days will feel like you'll have a new sense of Fire with Mars entering Aquarius. The moon will even help shift the mood as it enters it's First Quarter Phase (officially tomorrow on the 1st of April though). Mars entering Aquarius (and conjuncting Saturn) will amplify the energy around Saturn's new saga in Aquarius. Mars being the planet of action, determination and inner drive will find it's new sense of motivation in Aquarius by focusing our attention towards teamwork, the well being of society (especially those who are marginalized and being treated unfairly), our community and how we use technology to connect. This will be a powerful time as our inner revolutionary is about to wake up for around 2 months long. Whatever bright ideas we may have to help the current situation will have the zeal to be placed into action. Being motivated only by self gain won't fair well under this martian transit. It's all about the benefit of the group. Venus will align with Sedna in Taurus helping to illuminate beauty in darkness. Sedna has a power to turn dark and bleak reality into opportunities for growth and creativity and Venus will help romanticize that energy as we gather to sharpen the guillotine. The moon in it's domicile sign of Cancer will heighten a lot of emotions. This can be expanded by it's opposition with Jupiter and Pluto in Capricorn which could inflame any addictions, cause inner turmoil and intensify feelings (as if they aren't intensified enough). On a positive note there is a sextile with Uranus that will promote positive change to our personal lives and emotional bodies if we work towards it. However we will really have to put some extra effort cause with all of the turmoil the emotional tsunami that this Cancer Moon will bring, it will also square Chiron in Aries bringing up triggering feelings of past traumas or deep soul wounds that we will feel the need to act upon. With the Mars's fire in Aquarius that energy could be positively channeled using our own pain in this world crisis but its easy to let things build up and get out of hand.

Recommendations: Meditation to center ourselves, protection magic towards others emotional outbursts, channeling our energy into new ideas to help the community, self care with kitchen witchcraft, bath witchcraft etc.

________________________

1st

First Quarter Moon in Cancer ☾ Lunar Trines with Mercury and Neptune in Pisces ☾ Lunar Squares with Sun in Aries and Juno rx in Libra

Energy: Welcome to April! We are knee-deep in sizzling Aries season now and if the past two days this week didn't make you feel like the heat was rising, the temperature will boil up like a pressure cooker from here until the climax of the full moon. This first quarter ushers us to put our ideas into action and sow seeds especially revolving around what makes us feel safe, protected and helps our family and homes. The moon will make a positive trine with Mercury and Neptune in Pisces which will give us a boost with channeling new ideas and inspiration. The moon will also square with the Sun in Aries and Juno retrograding in Libra which will add stress and tension in areas of the home, family, our safe spaces and where we devote our energy towards. Relationships are prone to disagreements at this time, negative emotions can rise up and get expressed through the ego and it's best to keep distance and not react too personally (though that may be hard when you are isolated with the worst flatmate ever ツ). If you are having issues with abusive family members or toxic flatmates, it's best to ward your space and protect yourself. Talking it out with them may bring some issues with the sun and moon square so it's best to keep distance and bide some time. However with confrontational fiery aries season it may be tough to do so, however in the UK we do get our daily government authorized walk in nature so go outside with your face mask and try to get some fresh air :)

Recommendations: Vision board, sowing seeds, manifesting, warding, protection, protecting your space

________________________

2nd

☾ Lunar Trine with Eros in Pisces, ☾ Lunar Sextile with Venus and Sedna in Taurus ☾ VOC 5:48PM-7:26PM ☾ Moon enters Leo ☾ Lunar Opposition with Ceres in Aquarius, ☾ Lunar Trine with Chiron in Aries, ☾ Lunar Square with Uranus in Taurus

Energy: Just writing this is making my chest hurt cause maybe we should all just take that government authorized 1 day walk and just stay the fuck outside and just have this walk last for a few days cause I can't imagine being stuck in my house with these fucking lunar transits during Aries season I am tired y'all.

Anyways, the moon will wrap up its tsunami of a transit in Cancer while it trines with Eros and sextiles with Venus and Sedna in Taurus. This will be great as the mess of emotions the moon in Cancer has kicked up like the sediment on the bottom of the Venice canals can potentially be channeled into good use potentially through art or an opportunity for inner growth. However the moon will be back on it's shit as it enters dramatic Leo, triggering most of us already having our Saturn return in Aquarius by crossing over our natal Chiron and stirring up some shit. There will be a square with Uranus in Taurus causing emotional dramatic outbursts and sudden change of face with people you are probably trapped indoors with showing a new sudden chaotic side. The opposition with Ceres could probably make us feel like we need to focus on our needs first cause no one else will support us which is not a great feeling to feed during times of isolation. However on a positive note, the moon will trine with Chiron in Aries giving us opportunities to heal and come to terms with our inner wounds only if we give it attention. If your home life is chaotic and only getting worse like a pressure cooker thanks to Aries season then try to make a safe space in your house or find a spot in your local park where you can make a barrier of 6 ft around you so that you can get some time alone outside. There is potential for healing in these chaotic times but realistically we know how it's like to be with people that are not caring about their growth or healing which can negatively impact your space so sometimes it's good to protect, ward, and back away when things get too fiery.

Recommendations: Protection, warding and backing away bitch! Meditation and focusing on inner healing. Trance meditation.

________________________

3rd

Venus enters Gemini Mercury conjunct Neptune in Pisces ☾ Lunar Trine with Sun in Aries ☾ Lunar Sextile with Juno rx Libra

Energy: If we weren't all locked the hell down, this would be a great shift of energy as Venus gets all flirty and fun when it enters Gemini. Venus in Gemini loves new friendships, new hookups and turning new ideas into opportunities for pleasure and art. It captures the perfect spring fling mood and if we all get released while Venus is still in Gemini you can expect a lot of sudden hookups, new friendships and endless parties. However since we are all on time out Venus in Gemini confined could give birth to new forms of art styles and entertainment in the cyberspace along with way more group chats, cyber hang outs and thankfully hilarious memes to help us through this. Another powerful transit today will be Mercury and Neptune joining in Pisces. Our thinking and communication will be focused on spiritual topics and the arts. It will be a great day for focusing on divination, expanding our psychic mind and adding to our book of shadows. Additionally new insight could be acquired if you open your mind to the possibilities. The moon will make a positive trine with the Sun in Aries giving the day an optimistic and upbeat vibe. We will finally feel a bit of positive flow from the previous stagnating harsh transits. With the moon making a sextile with Juno rx Libra we could find some better clarity of where our efforts and attention has been devoted to and where we may be headed.

Recommendations: Connecting with loved ones on chat rooms, divination, psychic exercises, meditation, adding to our book of shadows

________________________

4th

Venus Gemini Trines Saturn in Aquarius Jupiter conjunct Pluto in Capricorn ☾ Lunar Opposition with Saturn and Mars in Aquarius ☾ Moon enters Virgo ☾ Lunar square with Venus in Gemini

Energy: Today's energy will feel like a sudden passionate drive will ignite you to commit to a creative project. With Venus in a trine with Saturn we will feel the need to devote ourselves to a creative project (or person, but lets be real we are locked down so unless you want to establish a long term romantic relationship with your houseplant then this most likely may manifest in a project for you), and with Jupiter and Pluto in conjunction we will feel focused and driven to succeed and what we are most passionate about. A mix of intense effort and good luck gives you the power and influence to make a big difference in your life. The moon will wrap up it's transit in Leo with an opposition with Saturn and Mars in Aquarius which could potentially put you in a temper and add a damper on your dreams but don't feel weighed down by this energy and instead transform it into what work you can do to accomplish what you need and how you can transform that moodiness into energy for work. The moon will then enter Virgo and make a square with Venus in Gemini which will result in another tension but slightly less intense. The combination of the moon in virgo squaring Venus in Gemini will give us the desire to seek out ways we can increase our pleasure through different sources that can stimulate our minds or entertain us. It will be a good day to wrap up our hard work with a movie or book or indulge in a film that could inspire us further with our project. There is a tendency for self indulgence but we are locked up so who cares. Smoke that bowl, watch that movie marathon, chill out.

Recommendations: Energy work, channeling your inner fire for work. Doing art, channeling magic into art, doing art meditation

________________________

5th

Moon in Virgo ☾ Lunar Opposition with Mercury, Neptune and Eros in Pisces ☾ Lunar Trine with Uranus in Taurus

Energy: Today will feel like a time for some reflection and changes as the moon will trine with Uranus giving us the perspective to shift our habits. There will be an opposition with mercury that can allow us to express our feelings (finally) instead of bottling them up or using it as fuel in fire yet also this opposition can cause some scrambled or polarized thinking especially with the moon eventually making an opposition with Neptune that will could drown what we feel in it's murky depths. The opposition can increase our emphatic sides and we may pick up moods from others we are around. It's good to once again set boundaries and try to enjoy some art alone. Take some time to journal and let out what you are feeling. Additionally with the moon opposite Eros it's a good time to review what inspires us and let out that energy in a stream of consciousness free write that can also help us untangle the mess of the moon opposing mercury.

Recommendations: Journaling, free writing, shadow work, cleansing space and warding

#transits #astrology #forecast #aspects #venus in gemini #mars in aquarius

56 notes · View notes

testogenscam-blog · 4 years

Text

Testogen Secure

A great deal of components become possibly the most important factor with regards to why your testosterone levels go down, some of which incorporate maturing and stress.

These low Testogen levels in your body may affect both your psychological and actual wellbeing, in which you may put on weight – a weight pick up that is brought about by the development of additional fat in your body, or you'd experience issues in zeroing in on a specific errand or work, it might even diminish your endurance in bed.

There are numerous choices to bring your testosterone levels back up, and one of them is through the enhancement TestogenThis enhancement professes to utilize all-regular fixings to help support your testosterone levels – which might be gainful to your psychological and actual prosperity. In this TestoGen audit, we will go over all the essential data, you need to know prior to purchasing.

Struggle zeroing in on a specific errand, or have you been having low sex drive of late? The truth of the matter is you may have low testosterone levels in your bodies.

Studies have demonstrated that testosterone levels in men will be at its most elevated during the age of 18 to 19 years of age, and they will gradually diminish over time of their lives as they age.

Testogen is for men more than 18 who feel like their testosterone levels are low. A large number of you probably won't understand what that implies, or you probably won't be certain if your testosterone levels are low or not. All things considered, an approach to know if your testosterone levels are low is to check whether you are encountering various manifestations.

For instance, assume you are encountering an absence of energy and inspiration, inconvenience building muscle. All things considered, you see almost no outcomes despite the fact that you've been going to the exercise center consistently, you have overabundance fat in your gut or chest, and you experience difficulties in bed, at that point this item may be the solution to your issues.

However, this item isn't only for men who are encountering those issues. TestoGen can likewise help you on the off chance that you simply need to just be more beneficial or simply improve your general testosterone levels, which implies that it can help advantage you in these offices:

Improving Your Overall Mood, Energy, And Motivation

Improve Your Muscle Developments for A Better Outcome in The Gym

Help You Lose Any Excess Fat in Problematic Areas Like Your Belly and Chest

Increment Both Your Confidence and Libido

In the event that you believe that this is the thing that you have been searching for and you may profit by this enhancement, at that point TestoGen may be the additional progression you need in your every day schedule. It is a phenomenal item that works, and what's shockingly better is that it has every regular fixing.

Testogen is an all-characteristic and without steroid supplement that is utilized to support your testosterone levels. This item is made by an organization called Muscle Club Ltd. that is situated in the UK. This organization has been creating great wellbeing supplements in the course of recent years.

TestoGen is known to be figured in a FDA affirmed office where the groups working on this item do broad experimentation and exploration on the fixings that help support testosterone levels. This item contains all-characteristic fixings that are likewise known to be protected.

Testogen This item is unquestionably a leader in the market of characteristic testosterone sponsor supplements. Since other testosterone sponsors utilize compound fixings, TestoGen immediately turned into the promotion on account of the way that they utilize common fixings that accomplish work and bring results.

The 11 fixings that they recorded on the whole work together to upgrade the creation of testosterone in your body. Since they are normal and safe, they do show results as long as you use it suitably and inside the suggested use.

Their producers additionally promote their case of getting results in as meager as about fourteen days as long as you adhere to their directions. Amazing that exploration has indicated that purchasers of TestoGen have a 45% improvement of their testosterone levels inside only a couple a long time of burning-through the item.

Along these lines, you will see a distinction in the wake of utilizing this item, in various angles. You may see a distinction in your muscle-building endeavors or an expansion in your general mind-set.

Beside that, you'll additionally see that with the ascent in your testosterone levels, you'll experience benefits like an improvement in your drive, higher energy, you're more engaged, and you have more endurance.

It's essential to know and observe the advantages and disadvantages of an item before you can choose if it's for you or not. What's more, for that, we have assembled the main advantages and disadvantages to TestoGen.To get more info visit here: https://www.buyhealthyhub.com/testogen-reviews/

#Testogen Secure

1 note · View note

independentartistbuzz · 4 years

Text

Good Music, Good News 3.0

We continue to be touched and moved by the depth of sharing and Good News that is coming from the Cyber PR Music camp. Nd we are not surprised. Ariel and her team have sent us some of our favorite gems over the years. We are pleased to bring you part 3 of our 4 part series.

Please Follow the Spotify Playlist below to hear all of these amazing tracks.

[HERE]

Thanks to all of the artists who shared their music AND their good news.

Mara Measor | “Love Will Find You��

Is Now An Expectant Mother During A Global Pandemic

I had a miscarriage back in February, right before the pandemic hit. Then was able to get pregnant again a few months later! We had another scare at our first ultrasound and was flagged with a higher risk of our baby having chromosomal abnormalities, but upon further tests the concerns were cleared. And I'm finally getting used to the idea of having a baby boy next year. It's been such a roller coaster, but I'm riding it. :)

John Ellis on behalf of Val Starr & The Blues Rockets | “Whether Blues (2020)”

Experienced Loss, Family Members With COVID & Made Music To Heal

Our daughter-in-law came down with Covid and is still fighting it, and our granddaughter Ariella tested positive as well, but being eight years old, she didn't really exhibit any symptoms. Lost a couple of friends to pneumonia and strokes, cancer in some other friends, car accidents wracked up a good friend, and then the election happened. Life rolls on, faith in our Higher Power keeps us sane, and had a lot of time to work on recordings this year. Val Starr, my wife and bandmate, has written a great blues song that we'd like to share with you about all of us pulling it back together again. Called "Whether Blues" , whether you're right, whether you're wrong, don't mean a thing till we get along"

Tabitha Chapman | “Celebrity Boyfriend”

Got A Publishing Deal

I am immensely grateful to God that despite the hardship, sorrows, pains and restrictions that typified the year 2020, I was able to release 3 singles, and I also got myself a publisher.

Valerie Romanoff | “Pink Skies over Still Water”

Created An Online Music Festival About Mindfulness & Meditation

Without the hustle of preparing and traveling for my live events with the Starlight Orchestra, I stayed home and developed a way to share the energy and messages in my Healing Music albums. I came up with an online show called "Groove Into Bliss: Musical Meditation & More" where my guests and I talked about the benefits of relaxing and releasing stress, the power of music to open the channels to well-being, and offered guided meditations. We spoke of tips and tools for positive thinking, manifesting the life we desire, and the many ways we can use music to boost our joy! Through the online show I made many connections and was invited to be a guest on many high-vibe broadcasts and events, and I was invited to wrote a chapter in an upcoming book titled “The Wellness Universe Guide To Complete Self-Care: 25 Tools For Happiness.”

Apostrophe Music | “Keep the Hope Alive!”

Released Home-Recorded Music During The Pandemic

I released whilst we were in the heart of the lockdown during the month of April. As India went into a historic lockdown with over 1 Billion people being asked to stay indoors, the air of anxiousness and uncertainty brought out this song called Keep The Hope Alive! The only feeling we all had at that moment in time.

I felt like it was a message that needed to get out there and once we recorded it out of my home studio (no access to studios because of the curfew lockdown situation) I posted the song on to Youtube and Facebook with a video and subsequently after that we did an official audio release in July. So this is the story about this song I released as the whole world went into lockdown.

Len Seligman

Turned The Tragedy of Losing His Mother Into Beautiful Songwriting

Like a lot of songwriters, I was moved to write a song about COVID-19. While neither my health nor economic situation suffered, the pandemic made it so that I could only visit my mother a couple of times in the last 6 months of her life, despite her living just 20 minutes away. She died in September at the age of 97.

When I looked inside to see what story I wanted to tell about the pandemic, I quickly knew that it would be about the beautiful ways people have shown up for one another. Yes, there's been enormous suffering, but it's also been extraordinary to see the tremendous upwelling of compassion that the suffering has brought out. That is what inspired this song.

Steve Andrews | “Where Does All The Plastic Go?”

Had A Successful Release That Led To Idea for Ocean Aid Concerts

My song “Where Does All The Plastic Go?” is getting included on playlists on Spotify, getting great reviews, and opening doors for me in unexpected places. This is wonderful because I'm thinking big and also came up with the idea for Ocean Aid Concerts to raise awareness of threats to the oceans. I am leading the way with songs on the subject of plastic pollution and my song could be included in any concerts that happen.

Richard Strange | “Christmas of Hope”

Used Hopeful Christmas Anthem To Fundraise for Charity

We (Musicians Together & Sweet Charity Choir) released Christmas of Hope, a single produced in aid of Help Musicians UK, last Friday December. We are donating the proceeds to Help Musicians UK, a charity that you may be aware of, specifically to their 3rd hardship fund. Some quotes from the charity's CEO, James Ainscough: “Music has been a unifying force that’s supported and entertained us all this year, more than ever before.” "But for tens of thousands of music creators across the UK the impact of lockdown and social distancing on their ability to earn, to create and to connect, has been disastrous for their finances and mental health.” "This 99-year-old charity has been in the privileged position of financially supporting over 21,000 musicians this year and we couldn’t have done it without the generous help of music lovers across the length and breadth of the country.”

Jody Whitesides | “A Perfect Man”

Created Deeper Relationships With Fans

I have been changing my approach to music this year. In doing so it increased the response I got from people on social media and via email. The most powerful thing was having a female fan tell me that the song “A Perfect Man” had brought her to tears. The reason, she could feel the love of the person singing to his counterpart and how he didn’t want to be put on a pedestal to fail the love of his life. Which is the main theme of the song. It was great to hear it hit home with a fan.

Andrea Kremer (The Aeon Wanderers) | “Don’t Say Anything”

Formed A Musical Duo via Facebook Groups

After 20 years promoting other people's music for a living, I partnered with a multi-instrumentalist/songwriter that I met in a Facebook music group, and we formed a musical duo called The Aeon Wanderers. My bandmate lives in Scotland and I live in Boston, so even before COVID-19, we were working remotely, collaborating on lyrics in a Google doc and doing videos "together" using green screens. We started by recording covers, but soon we were working on originals, and in August 2020 we released our debut album, "Fictional Histories." Being on the artist side of the equation rather than the marketing side has been eye-opening and fun!

Barbara J. | “Merry Christmas, Darling”

Has A Holiday Release Airing on World Indie Network Radio

My Christmas cover single, "Merry Christmas, Darling," has been selected to air on World Indie Network Radio's (WNIR) Holiday Spectacular Radio Special! This song, a holiday classic from The Carpenters, also serves as the pre-release to my Carpenters cover album, which I plan to release early next year.

Raphaela Gilla | “Michael’s Mantra”

Guided A Troubled Fan Through Meditation And Towards Healing

One of my fans wrote me a message that she was not feeling well and asked me if I could help her. I felt that the really needed help and gave my phone number immediately. In our conversation she told me that it was hard for her to breathe, and she felt a lot of fear. I could hear her breathing heavily.

I guided her into a meditation – I guided her to consider her breathing as an angel's feather. This opened her breath tracks to the earth and to the sky. I noticed how she slowly began to relax and began to breathe deeper. She cried out of relief, thanked me and asked me about my fee. I told her that this is a gift from me to her. It was a very touching moment.

We stayed in contact. Since then, she grows and feels better.

John Mueller | “I’m Doing Fine”

Brought Joy With His Latest Release

My fave moment of this challenging year was when a complete stranger wrote to me that they heard my new track "I'm doing fine" and how it was uplifting to them and brought some joy. I appreciated they took the time to notify me and to bring joy with my music is my ultimate goal. Getting this release out there and the entire album "You are Here" its included on during this year made a positive note for 2020.

Nia Ocean | “This Christmas”

Channeled A Christmas Song To Help Us All Shine Our Inner Light

youtube

About two weeks ago, I saw an insta story from a dear friend of mine which literally “woke me up”! I got so inspired that the next day I had written a whole song, a Christmas song that is. The song is called “This Christmas'' and I made it really to remind us that WE make Christmas what it is.. our spirit, our love, our cheer, it’s OUR light that gives it all meaning. So even though 2020 has been a tough year, we can still choose how to end it. It’s easy to expect and allow for Christmas 2020 not be special because it will be so different due to quarantine, limited travel and lost loved ones, but this song is a ray of light in these times of darkness and difficulty, reminding us of what matters most and that we all have a light within us to shine and share with our ourselves , our dearest ones, and the world...especially this Holiday Season.

Stay tuned… There’s more Good News Coming!

#holiday music #holiday #goodnews #cyberPR #independent artists

1 note · View note

jackdanielcaine · 4 years

Text

Notes For The Second Wave

I love the weekend. A break from the triviality of my nine to five setting was always warmly welcomed; usually through the beer goggles of fickle Friday antics that seemed to always hopelessly repeat themselves. Once again, Saturday arrives with the sun piercing through the (“blackout”) curtains of my south-facing window; countless coffees, rolled up cigarettes, a takeaway later and what a surprise…its 2 am and I find myself drowned in an all-consuming Soho evening. All too quickly Sunday has come. The bleak reality sets in, the next 120 hours of stressed induced sleep deprivation, lift small talk and poorly written snarky emails is upon me.

Solemnly looking back, what I wouldn’t give to have that crippling resentment thrust onto the Sunday evenings of now. At first, I thought being forced to sit at home with the government supporting my mediocre salary would be a welcome breath of fresh air from the 7 am Northern Line wake up call. Mere weeks later, my somewhat socially accepted alcoholism that is so effortlessly bread into the lives of many in the capital had become the habitual escape from the four white walls of my studio flat. Before long, the apathy fostered manifested in attempts to construct emotions through a quarantini cocktail displayed on a WhatsApp menu. The owner of which, was never more than 20 dragging minutes away from my door. To the eyes who can read between the lines (no pun intended) you can imagine this is not ideal…nor making for a happy and healthy isolated existence.

With the above in mind, and in anticipation of a lurking potentiality of another lockdown spent twiddling our mental thumbs. I thought I would share my points on how to not end up in a similar reality. I hope, that despite this coming from someone with a disposition for the use of short-term chemical cures to long term mental health issues this will still apply to most.

The 5 pm Rule: Look, lockdown shouldn’t breed a self-hatred brought on my idly scrolling through our multiple social media accounts witnessing the few that turned their lives around with this free time. Instead, the mediation of liquid behaviours is more than good enough. Hold off cracking open that can, unscrewing that cork, and swigging that leftover jar from the night before till you’ve at least contemplated what you’re cooking for dinner. Which leads us on too…

Cooking: To be frank, I was discordant with this one. The financial self-harm that takeaway apps and my rampant laziness did to my graduate account is incomprehensible; no sickening. However, when I did venture outside looking like I was sweeping a crime scene, wait an hour in a queue, and finally (dare I say heroically) find myself back at home with a plethora of ill-thought food choices; the hours would roll by as I stumbled my way through online recipes. As well as using up much of another humdrum evening, sometimes the food was edible (and Instagrammable).

Exercise: So, I smoke roughly 15-20 cigarettes a day. Doing any kind of sport for more than ten painful minutes would usually cause me to wheeze more aggressively than anything you’d be comfortable witnessing from a guy in his mid-20s. Although I found with cycling you can go at your own pace, it’s a great way to explore areas not displayed on the tube map, and an effective socially distanced travel method. Most importantly, as it’s often a solitary activity you can stop whenever to sit on the nearest bench and light-up back to sufficient nicotine levels without any judgement.

Old Hobbies: I don’t know about you, but often when I’m hanging on the weekend or finished another day navigating the maze of corporate UK; reading or watching anything that requires more brainpower than waiting for a punch line is simply unrealistic. Over time, the interests of old become a distant memory. With hours, days, weeks and possibly months at your disposal the motivation to do the antithesis of the aforementioned becomes greater. Whatever your forgotten subject of passion is, this is certainly a glaring opportunity too deep dive back into what used to make you feel contented.

Relationships: Remember those friends, family members, and old business contacts? Pre pandemic dystopia you thought getting a chance to catch up with them would need to be pencilled in next year’s calendar. Give them a call. You never know what might happen.

Just avoid the online pub quiz at all costs.

1 note · View note

theparanormalperiodical · 5 years

Text

The Thornton Heath Poltergeist - The Most Haunted Places In The World That You NEED To Hear About #2

January.

A time of self doubt as you take on the latest fad diet. A time of personal struggle as you return to the 9-to-5 and question why in the hell you decided to work in this goddamn office. And a time of thirst as you realise Dry January does indeed include Echo Falls despite their Rosé being mostly sugar and aesthetic.

Is there any hope left in the world?

Oh, dear reader - you didn’t tap on this blog in the hope of reading some article about a cheerful, positive topic like little rabbits with big flopsy ears, did you?

You’re here for the dead. And the demonic. And all manner of terrible things.

Goodbye, Patches - hello, Poltergeist.

Today, we are going to be discussing one of the most iconic paranormal cases from the UK that no one has ever heard of: the Thornton Heath Poltergeist.

But it turns out that there’s not just one poltergeist in Thornton Heath.

Oh, no.

There’s two.

And these two pesky spirits are far from alone:

Croydon might not sound like the setting for the next cult horror hit, but this London borough is actually known for its rather macabre history - and the legacy of its dark past.

Whilst your chowing down on a Gregg’s sausage roll you might hear rumours of one of Elizabeth I’s maids-in-waiting traipsing around a school, and perhaps you’ll even see a few children who were killed during the war skip past the local Chicken Cottage.

On top of that - like most areas of London - Croydon is actually a relatively ancient town, with the first settlements appearing in the 6th century.

This place clearly has a lot of paranormal promise.

However, despite setting the scene for 2 key cases of poltergeist activity, though do appear to be unconnected. Nevertheless, together they provide a lot of insight into a specific form of supernatural activity that tends to get forgotten.

This is especially true since poltergeists have dominated the horror genre for many a year, inspiring iconic films such as Poltergeist (1982), and litter stories which involve any trace paranormal activity.

The thing is, although frequently mentioned, the actual concept of poltergeists is kind of ignored, particularly the debate surrounding them. These 2 cases, however, provide an overview of the different approaches to poltergeist activity:

One case looks into debunking the paranormal, whereas the other presents the typical haunted house case you clicked to see.

So, today’s article is going to take us through the 2 poltergeists of Thornton Heath, and the paranormal theory behind poltergeists.

Strap in folks, and let’s get spooky.

First, What Actually Is A Poltergeist?

Anyone speak German?

Poltergeist is a mashup of two German words, and it literally means “noisy spirit”.

Based on that translation, it is a type of spirit who has a thing for physical disturbances. Loud noises, objects moving, biting and pinching are the common symptoms of such a haunting. And despite sounding pretty minimal - well, maybe not the biting and the pinching - such poltergeist activity often represents the first traces of far greater hauntings.

But unlike most paranormal theories, it turns out that poltergeist activity is pretty well investigated (as this post will demonstrate).

Heck, poltergeist activity has been reported since the 1st century!

It is claimed that it lasts typically around 5 months, but some say it can stretch out to several years.

On top of our knowledge of the duration of such activity, poltergeists allegedly haunt people, not places - a bit like demons. This does contrast with the 1972 haunting, but we all know that supernatural theories lack the accuracy we expect of an exact science.

And so we come back to the debates and the debunking which always ends up stalking the supernatural. It’s for that reason that Poltergeists are such a valuable component of spiritualist theory because of the intense debate and study surrounding them, as the 1938 case will show.

Indeed, the first of the scientific theories debunking poltergeists swap the paranormal for the patriarchy.

It's called the Naughty Little Girl theory.

Obviously, it suggests that young girls create activity to get attention because women can’t breathe without doing it for attention, right? The Conjuring 2 is one of the few films that picks up on this concept, showing its use by the media as it was utilised in the real life case.

A less misogynistic theory instead claims that the paranormal activity could be down to seismic activity or water stress, creating noises and physical disturbances often blamed on poltergeists.

Or, it could all come back to the theory of psychokinesis:

It claims that when we are stressed, our fucked-up brains can have a physical impact on the objects around us, making it look - and feel - like we are living in a perpetual Paranormal Activity film.

Well, that or a rom-com; it turns out the poltergeist was really within us the whole time...

The 1972 Case - The Official Thornton Heath Poltergeist

Welcome to the the era of the occult - the 1970s.

The obsession with the paranormal experienced a revival in the late 20th century thanks to the affectionately named Satanic Panic and the rise of hippie-dom. And because so many reports of the paranormal crop up in this era, we have to be wary – blaming shit on the paranormal was nearly as common as institutionalised racism, ensuring that claims were often amped up by fear.

Got your pinch of salt to hand? Good.

Our story begins in the heat of summer - it’s August 1972.

A family are fast asleep after, well, I don’t know, what did people do in the 1970s? Listen to too much ABBA?

Anyway - their peaceful slumber is interrupted in the middle of the night when a radio switches on all by itself and blasts out full-volume-raise-the-roof level musings from a foreign radio station.

This is where the activity begins.

The following nights, lights turn on and off by themselves, mirroring the first hour of a Paranormal Activity film before Katie makes some off the cuff comment about being besties with a demon during puberty.

Yet despite the suggestions of something supernatural, it suddenly just chills the fuck out.

Well, that is until the most wonderful time of the year! Only for this famalam, this are about to get a little less wonderful, and a little more what the fuck.

Probably in the midst of an ABBA jam-sesh, a small antique figurine is plucked off a shelf by an invisible hand, and flung across the room, hitting the patriarch of the family with such a force that it knocks him to the floor.

If that wasn’t enough for one day, the Christmas tree then joins in the freaky festivities, and starts shaking.

And that only just scratches the surface of the supernatural events soon to haunt this family.

Cut to a few days later, and its New Year Eve.

Ok, right, let’s be honest here: any activity reported was at times when there would have been a couple of bevvies, a few late nights among friends and family…

Who hasn’t seen a demon picking cashews out of the mixed nuts bowel when they’re a third of the way through that bottle of Echo Falls?

Regardless of my suspicions, they supposedly started to hear loud footsteps upstairs, and during that very night, a member of the family awoke to see a very tall and very angry man staring at him, giving off very threatening vibes.

But it wasn’t just the son of the family that saw these mysterious goings on.

Some visitors to the house reported similar activity:

At a dinner party (*sigh*) a door began to violently shake, nearly coming off its hinges. The living room door then followed suit, and swung open. Every single light in the house then began to follow the trend and turned on and off.

No matter how many bottles they were deep by then, there’s no doubt that shizz was getting weird.

In response to this shizz getting weird, the family did the right thing: they called themselves a priest, and got him to check the shizz out.

However, as a result of his holy presence, the activity worsened. A medium shortly followed, and on his visit deduced that this was a farmer of Chatterton. A quick visit to the library and a rifle through the odd archive later, and the story is confirmed:

This was the spirit of a farmer from the 18th century, and as the medium claimed, he was angry that these trespassers were on his land. So, like all landlords, he kept his cool and was trying to treat these people with the fairness and respect that all landlords hold dear.

Nah, who are we kidding - instead of charging them £60 for not pulling a weed out from underneath the wheelie bin, he manifested as a poltergeist.

The escalation then, uh, escalated.

Following the appearance of the ghost patriarch, his wife then turned up and made a point of targeting the matriarch of the family.

Despite the coincidence of most claims of boozy nights on the heath, these hauntings that mirror the heads of the household really support the case as it sticks to this line of opposition to the “intruders”.

The ghostly matriarch’s favoured haunting was following people up the stairs; when you turned around, you would see wisps of a grey bun and the outlines of a faint figure which would then vanish into thin air.

But on top of the wife getting involved, the farmer himself made a commitment to being spooky AF.

Its for that reason that the creepiest haunting of the year award goes to the farmer.

Why?

Because he would turn up on their TV.

Like, I don’t know if he was on bloody Blue Peter à la IT, or if the screen would go blank and this bitch would rock up and just be there…

But just like fuck that, no thanks, congratulations, and just take the award ugh.

So, like anyone would, this family were like nope screw this, packed up shop, and moved the fuck outta there. After they moved out the activity ceased - like all hauntings tend to do, confirming that it could be due to their trespassing.

Well, or that it was all faked but as the gullible young woman I am, I’m going to deny all traces of this family’s excessive drinking and say that the farmer did indeed turn up on Blue Peter and take a badge with him to the afterlife.

For privacy reasons, the actual address is unknown to the public for the obvious reason that innocent families don’t want some Jake Paul wannabe pulling up in a jacked up Ford Fiesta and whipping out a GoPro to make a quick buck on YouTube.

Heck, I don’t know if anyone lives there now! But this is still recognised by paranormal fanatics are one of the greatest hauntings to come out of the UK.

Well, I say the greatest…

It has to compete with the Thornton Heath poltergeist of an odd 40 years before.

The 1938 Case - Thornton Heath Poltergeist 2: The Prequel No One Asked For

Now we turn to the former haunting of Thornton heath in 1938.

But this poltergeist isn’t set against the scene of some cosy pre-war family home, nor are any long dead farmers getting involved.

This story, on the other hand, follows the scientific study of the paranormal, and to this day is an unsolved mystery that has left both investigator and individual alike without answers.

And it starts with this bloke called Nandor Fodor.

Fodor lead the argument that poltergeists are manifestations from the subconscious mind, and to prove his claims, he investigated the tales of terror that had been experienced by one woman in a small corner of Croydon.

He followed his scientific studies all the way to a little place called Thornton Heath.

Sure, this case could have been linked to the Chatterton farmer, but the focus of their investigation was on the nature of paranormal beliefs, so there was no study of what spirit could be behind it.

All we know regarding the haunting is that the victim of this poltergeist was a woman only known to us as Mrs. Forbes. She was studied at an institute, and in an attempt to be sure she wasn’t creating the hauntings, she basically had to get undressed in front of them, and wear special clothes to prove she wasn’t concealing anything.

Nevertheless, the weird shizz we saw in the 1970s still seemed to follow her.

Dishes would float in mid-air and then crash to the floor, glasses would suddenly appear in her hand (*insert middle aged facebook meme with a minion in the background*), and objects from her home would appear at the institute.

Her house was 10 miles away from the institute.

But beyond her possessions appearing out of thin air, Mrs. Forbes frequently described different entities that would appear and attack her.

These beings included a vampire which would on occasion bite her neck - and left her with two physical wounds in her neck, and a tiger which reached out and scratched deep gashes in her arm. Just like the vampire’s supposed attack, these markings were also found on her body.

However, one of her claims went too far, and was used to challenge every single incident she claimed was caused by a poltergeist:

Alongside the vampire bite and the tiger’s scratches, Mrs. Forbes also had several burn marks scarring her neck. Seemingly coming out of nowhere, Forbes believed it was due to the spirit of a man strangling her with a necklace.

However, shortly after making this statement, she professed a deep desire to kill this man.

Fodor drew from this that she thought the man was inside of her, and thus she tried to kill him by choking herself. That’s the burn marks explained - what about everything else? All it took was a quick check of her body and clothing to find small items concealed under her left breast.

That’s right; she has conjured up this “poltergeist” out of thin air.

Having connected the dots, Fodor deduced that she was both schizophrenic, and burdened by repressed sexual trauma.

Another day, another hoax.

Unsurprisingly, faked activity vis-a-vis this case is pretty common when it comes to the paranormal, and this label is pinned by non-believers onto, well, basically anything we just so happen to report.

And despite how frustrating this can seem, it is a necessary disturbance in our research of the supernatural. In fact, the original Thornton Heath story brings this into play when we discuss poltergeists, particularly as their basis centres on physical disturbances which can be both faked or misinterpreted.

Croydon might seem yet another area of London Prince Andrew would pull out of the hat to defend his reputation, but it instead represents a much wider discussion of the paranormal.

From the fake to the unknown, from the mysterious to the mentally unstable:

How we investigate the supernatural starts in a little place called Thornton Heath.

What do you think?

Did the family really witness poltergeist activity first hand?

Or was it all just conjured up by women that purely wanted attention i dont know about you but i just love attention oh gimme attention look I WANT ATTENTION NOWSUFH[HB’[Egb’???????!1//1/1/1!//????

Ahem.

Wanna hear about more spooky shizz like this? Wanna hear about a new haunted location everyday? Then go ‘head and hit follow!

18 notes · View notes