#or just. waking up when your parents are asleep and how Weird that feels

[nekodere07]

Grian being a naturally born half Watcher and Grianpop HC AU

This was my take on Shadverse’s Grianpop AU, which is basically Grian’s dad who’s the first Watcher

This is also accessible on AO3 already!

Grian has always been an awkward boy. He distances himself from the kids his age and watch them from afar, enjoying themselves while they run around the park looking dirty but the huge smiles on their faces tells him everything that they’re happy. But he’s not jealous. Not fully. One time, his mother asked how he was at school and he could only shrug casually like it didn’t concern him. School was weird, the classrooms were weird, the teachers were weird, and most of all, the kids were weird. Especially the kid that brought that stinky fish with him the whole time and the lanky one with bunny ears kept on hiding behind fish boy.

They talked to him, sure, but it didn’t mean they were friends. His mother kissed him by the forehead and leans forward to how warm and soft the touch is, listening to her gentle voice as she tells her about making friends and how they will accompany him when he’s lonely and help him grow to become a better person in the future. At first, he’s reluctant to do it but goes to follow wherever those two kids go and as time goes by, he kind of like the company.

There are times when Grian wakes up to two muffled voices yelling at each other from downstairs but drowns them with his pillow and goes back to sleep (at least try to), like it doesn’t concern him. Hopefully his two siblings aren’t awake from the room across (he knows they are but if he tries to go and comfort them, their parents will notice that he’s awake and mother might say mean things to him again—worse, she might hurt them this time). Hopefully Taurtis has a new fun story to tell him tomorrow to keep him awake and not fall asleep on class again.

The arguing gets worse as well as their mother’s attitude towards him. At least she’s still loving towards his two younger siblings. He ignores it and tries to convince himself that she’s just stressful from work. It’s nothing to be worried about. It’s not like his mother meant what she told him about being… It wasn’t true, right?

One day, his father called him to the living room and asks Grian to sit with him on the sofa. All of a sudden, his father’s heavy hand lands on his blonde hair and ruffles it gently as he smiles and tells him about meeting someone who will truly care for him and he should cherish them—be with those people and never betray them. He’s quite confused but he nods as he mirrors his father’s kind smile that for some reason, doesn’t quite reach his ears like it usually did. His father then stands and turn to walk towards the kitchen to cook for dinner.

Is it just him or father’s eyes glowed purple for a second or was it lighting messing up with him?

Grian should have said something about it. He should’ve said something about why his father’s signature cheeky grin didn’t feel quite right. He should’ve said something, anything!

That talk is the last time he would ever get to see his father again.

His mother sends him to Tokyo Soul a few weeks after his father apparently left and reunites with her boyfriend, which is his siblings’ biological father, since she’s apparently unable to support his financial needs and has to earn it himself. At least all he needs to pay was his living expenses and she still pays for his school so there wasn’t much of a problem.

Then Tokyo Soul, which is the name of the town he’s staying for the rest of his high school years, happened.

Because of his horrifying experience there, Grian learns how to survive like a soldier in the middle of enemy territory and pull the trigger without batting an eye. He’s not sure which is worse, almost dying from a car crash and getting shot by various people or being threatened with a knife multiple times by your own best friend. He’s not sure if he even wants to survive this long after that hellscape, to be honest. Does it even matter? Everything in his life is a lie. He followed every advice that his parents gave him, yet all he receives are pain and suffering.

Even after meeting new people from different worlds and co-founded one of the most famous fantasy worlds in the universe, he still feels empty inside. So, he says his goodbyes to his co-founders and friends, leaving that world behind and goes to a new one.

That’s when he meets the Evolutionists.

It’s like a big slap to the face but in a positive way.

Instead of expecting the same outcome with them, they destroyed his world and proves it to him that there is still hope in humanity. Even after isolating himself away from civilization and build his own empire, people still go out of their way to visit his base and pay their regards. They even compliment his build even though it’s not even that impressive. He’s always been told by his mother that his love of building was a waste of time and resources and should focus on something more practical.

When he accidentally told Martyn about it one time, suddenly he exploded and started an hour-long rant about how amazing Grian was. For some reason, his heart flutters and cheeks hurt, even now that he’s only reminiscing it, only to realize he’s smiling so much. Ever since then, every Evolutionist will come and compliment him. Some like Netty will bring him a present like a pot filled with a delicious meal.

At first, when he stumbled upon his siblings who are living with the rest of the Evolutionists, he was reluctant whether to interact with them since they might hate him for leaving them and not writing even a single letter, but they easily jumped to his arms and cried how much they missed him. That’s when he decided that he will hang out with them more and take care of them like a good brother this time.

Living with the Evolutionists is the happiest time he has ever been his whole life.

Until mysterious structures with bedrock and the Watchers appear, that is.

Everything crumbles right before his eyes, both literally and metaphorically, after he defeats the dragon and is taken from his friends—his real family. He can only watch in dread and cry his heart out as the world slowly deteriorates from the inside, leaving everyone to die but not him.

Why? They don’t deserve it. Everyone has been so kind of him and all he did was take, never giving the same kindness in return. He should be the one to sacrifice his life for them so they can live a happy life without him. This always happen. Whenever Grian is around, he destroys everything he touches—everything he ever cares about.

When the Watchers do their worst to him, he didn’t resist even once. It’s weird when all he did in his whole life was exactly that. They gave him wings, too many eyes for a human being, and knowledge regarding magic that he doesn’t even care about. Can he even call himself that after all the things he did? He quietly obeyed when they ordered him to watch over worlds he’s unfamiliar with, those specifically that are reeking with blood and smoke due to unending wars that they were manipulating from behind the scenes.

He quietly followed the orders of taking out any individuals or organizations that might get in their way with the help of his years of experience back in high school. He did everything like a dog awaiting its master’s orders. It feels like it doesn’t even matter anymore. It’s like the strings that keep him moving all this time have finally been cut off, leaving his husk for a body to drop lifelessly to the cold, hard ground, available for anyone to use however they please.

Just when Grian thought all hope is lost, a peculiar Watcher keeps on appearing right before him wherever he goes, casually making a one-sided conversation with his porcelain teeth expose through a cheeky grin. Even if he never responds to their obvious bait of making him talk, they still went out of their way to hang out with him everyday without fail, even if it's only a few minutes or seconds before Grian is summoned by the higher ups.

What is this guy plotting? Because he’s not buying it. Not anymore.

He does everything in his power to avoid meeting up with them at all cost, causing them to chase him all around the base the second they spotted him. Of course, he won’t let them do as they please and he hides at the places someone will least expect it, using his magic to avoid any detection even with their eyes. But for some reason, they always found him like it’s nothing. At one point to another, their weird chase has turned into a weird hide-and-seek of some sort and surprisingly, he kind of likes it. He enjoys how the breeze brushes against his cheeks and how fast his heart beats from the thrill.

Grian finally decides to give in to their peculiar Watcher and let them “find” him, sitting on the edge of one of the many floating islands as they laugh and catch their breath. It’s been a while since his face and stomach hurt from having so much fun. He thinks it’s a great thing every once in a while, for him to take a break from everything… but not too much. He doesn’t want to expect something like last time.

He turns to his side to watch how his companion is doing so far, only to exclaim as he sees a grinning face being too close for comfort. As he places a hand to his drumming heart, they burst into a fitful laughter and he doesn’t hesitate to punch them by the shoulder, stopping their laughter and whines about painful their shoulder apparently is. Grian huffs at how childish this creature acts, staring at their bright expression. Their eyes are a beautiful shade of purple, glinting like the twinkling stars all around them and his raven fringe slightly covers them, acting like a black backdrop as it highlights them more.

The Watcher’s teasing comment snaps him out his thoughts before they point out that they didn’t quite catch his name. With a whisper, he tells them he’s Xelqua, like he’s ashamed of it. He is. They shake their head and reiterate that they want to know his real name. He jolts at this, realizing that this individual approaches him like he’s one of them even after knowing about his reputation. Isn’t he disgusted of his existence for being an artificial Watcher?

With a gulp, his jaw hangs as he contemplates whether he wants to reveal his true—past name or not. After a shaky breath, he utters the name that he hasn’t used in a very long time. He pronounces it awkwardly like it’s a foreign word and not his name. He can feel a heavy hand patting his back gently, rising his head to meet this peculiar Watcher’s eyes, only to see a smile so tender that he’s afraid he might cry. No one has ever looked at him that way since… that day.

Before Grian realizes, he feels warmth wrapping around him and sees them through a blurry vision that they’re hugging him. The one thing Watchers never do in their entire existence is to show what is similar to humanity. In fact, they would rather die a million times over than show kindness and empathy towards their fellow Watchers or other creatures. But this Watcher in front of him did the impossible. Suddenly, his chest constricts as the tears won’t stop flowing and he can’t contain his sobs any longer, so he can only grasp at their robe like a lifeline as he cries his heart out.

After his embarrassing crying session, they let go of each other and stare at the black horizon beyond them in comfortable silence. Then, they introduce themself and says that their name is currently Charlie and uses he/him pronouns. Grian wonders why he never heard of their—his name despite being in the same division. Charlie replies that it’s his human name and it’s his most favorite one, muttering “she gave it to me” whilst his smile falters ever so slightly before going back into a cheeky grin. Grian is a bit confused about that whole thing but decides to shrug it off.

Since then, the two of them are hanging out more, telling stories about their lives with humans. As it turns out, Charlie really likes humans despite being a Watcher. “Like” as in not the same as the ones the Watchers use to justify their horrible actions, but “like” as in actually how Grian used to feel towards his friends. Apart from hearing him from time to time about how he missed his previous life with humans, Charlie rarely tells any stories about his personal life. Sure, he has a lot to talk about other planets, adventures, new discoveries, and more, but they were rarely about him. Even if he was, he only acted as a spectator of some sort. Wow, he really is a Watcher (compared to majority of them).

Unfortunately, Grian doesn’t miss the fact that they’ve been hanging out less and less, always being summoned by the higher ups the second they thought they finally have time for themselves. He knows and certainly Charlie knows as well that they’re purposely preventing them from seeing each other. The missions are getting harder and harder to fulfill and worse, becoming crueler. The image of an innocent crying baby’s life being snuffed so soon with his own hands keeps looping inside his mind, lurking and pouncing at every second he lets his guard down.

He can’t do it. Not anymore. He’s meant to keep this a secret from Charlie but after one of the missions, Grian slips up and starts breaking down the second he sees him, beginning to apologize profusely about how he can never make it up to that child.

And that’s when everything changes.

(Inspired from “7 Years” by Lukas Graham and Nanatsu no Taizai scene about Meliodas given a future illusion by Chaos about everyone dying except him due to immortality)

(I made this idea during early March last year, but I got bored from finishing this, so I’ll leave this idea here)

[honestlyjustatransfag]

Imagine getting fucked by your werewolf older brother!

He’s in his twenties, no longer lives at home but he’s visiting for the summer, and you’re just so happy that he’s home spending time with you. You’re practically glued to his side the entire time, clinging onto his arm at every possible moment, pleading with him to spend every second of every day with you. And he gives into your requests, of course he does, how can he resist his little brother’s cute face?

And it’s not your fault that you’re adopted and therefore human. There’s no way you could know what you’re doing to him. You thought it was a little weird, how deeply he sniffed you when he got home from the airport, how flushed his face was and the whines that you could sometimes hear at night. But who cares! Your older brother’s home, and you’re going to have so much fun together.

He just thinks you’re so adorable, the way you beg him to let you stay up with him wayyy after your parents have gone to sleep. So you can watch movies in bed with him, of course. And who is he to say no when you’re wearing one of his hoodies, all wrapped up in his scent like a good little pup? He lets you in to his room, promising himself he can keep his rut under control, even though he’s barely had any time to jerk off with all the time he’s been spending with you.

He would’ve lasted longer if you hadn’t crawled into his lap ten minutes into the movie, claiming you’re cold and feel like cuddling. But he knows better, he knows what a little slut you are, and he can’t help but grind into your ass as soon as you fall asleep, whimpering as he buries his nose into your hair, huffing your scent. You’re covered in his scent, in his clothes, and he wraps his arms around your waist, pretending he’s just spooning you, cuddling like good, wholesome brothers do. But he’s just praying that you don’t wake up and feel how hard he is against you.

He’s whining and panting as quietly as he can, grinding against you in slow circles, feeling your body start to unconsciously react to his. You start to let out soft moans in your sleep, pressing your ass back against his erection. He’s so much bigger than you, and you’re so tiny and pliable in his arms. Your noises set off something inside, the feeling of you grinding back destroying any last shred of self control he had left. But really, he was trying to be good. You were just such a needy attention whore, such a slut that you even teased him in your sleep. It’s no wonder he bit into you, holding you down as you wake up with a pained gasp. It’s all your fault, really.

He doesn’t hesitate to pull down your shorts as soon as you wake up, manhandling you until he’s between your thighs, nipping at the skin by your leaking cunt. He presses his nose into your bush, inhaling your scent like a wild animal, because really, he is one. He laps up your slick wetness, ignoring your pleas of “What, what are you d-doing? D-don’t- please stop!” You can feel his sharp teeth teasing the folds of skin in your pussy, long tongue burying itself deep inside, drinking in your wetness like he was dying of dehydration.

“Good boy, just stay still, keep making those pretty sounds for me, I promise it’ll be over soon,”

Part 1/2

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

"If you had a happy childhood of course you don't find the movie scary and find it rather boring. "

"if you didn't experience abuse it isn't scary for you"

these takes are driving me bonkers I had a perfectly normal childhood with no abuse or trauma and that movie scared the pants off me. I have a thing about audio/visual distortion. also liminality. also I liked to stay up way too late as a kid. also everything scared me as a kid because I have a very anxious personality. not trauma just like... I definitely felt Unsettled in a place that still dissonantly felt Safe as a kid and it wasn't due to any trauma or neglect or abuse. I had a good childhood and Skinamarink still terrified me.

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Sneaking Around

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~900

Warnings: fluff

Summary: You and Spencer are keeping a relationship a secret from your brother, Derek

Square Filled: "don't you touch her." (2022) for @spencerreidbingo

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

x

You don’t ever want to leave this bed. It feels too damn good to want to start your day. Spencer has been up for a while just watching you sleep. He likes to see your eyes flit back and forth underneath your eyelids as he wonders what you might be dreaming about. Where do you go when you fall asleep? Based on the smile on your face, your dream is about him.

“Darling. Wake up,” Spencer whispers and nudges his nose with yours.

You scrunch up your nose in the way he loves, the way that makes you look like a squirrel, and you open your eyes slightly. He waits until he sees your bright eyes before kissing the tip of your nose. There you go again with the cute nose scrunch.

“Why did you wake me? I was having a great dream,” you sigh happily.

“Was it about me?”

“When is it never about you?”

“Tell me what it was about.”

You yawn and move away to get a better look at him.

“Well, I was on this boat and it wasn’t a cruise ship-type boat but like a sailboat. You know, the one Rossi lets us use sometimes. We were in the middle of nowhere but we didn’t feel lost or felt scared. We felt content. I decided to go swimming so I jumped into the water, but then I grew a mermaid tail and you were so jealous because I swam faster than you. You jumped into the water to see if you could grow a tail but couldn’t. So, I decided to take you to my underwater world where we had fish children and ate kelp all the time.”

“Sounds adventurous,” Spencer laughs.

“It was weird,” you giggle.

“So, while you were snoring,” you push Spencer away playfully, “I was thinking maybe we can go up to your parents’ cabin this weekend.”

“That sounds ama—wait,” you sigh, “we can’t. Derek is having his friends over. He’s taking the weekend to do whatever it is they plan on doing. The last thing I need is to be caught by him.”

It’s not that Derek doesn’t approve of your relationship with Spencer, it’s just he’s so protective over you. You have nothing to do with the police or the FBI, and he doesn’t want you getting mixed up in that life. It’s bad enough he’s in it, he doesn’t want to add another person you could possibly lose. He’s only looking out for you, and you understand that, but you fell in love with Spencer the second he introduced you two.

You two have been seeing each other behind his back, and it’s been working out so far.

“Maybe we can rent a hotel room, then. I really want to go away with you for the weekend.”

“I’d like that,” you grin.

You lean over and kiss him, but the kiss is anything but short and sweet. It’s the kind of kiss that makes your head spin. The kind of kiss that makes you want to do very bad things with him. The kind of kiss that makes you fall in love with him all over again. The kiss gets heated very quickly and he pulls you onto his lap so you can feel how hard you’re making him.

Suddenly, the front door slams open and your brother can be heard laughing downstairs.

“Reid! You here?”

“Shit,” you gasp.

You scramble off Spencer and fall off the bed toward the window. Spencer laughs at your panic just as you crawl underneath his bed. Seconds later, Derek opens Spencer’s bedroom door, and you cover your mouth to keep quiet. Spencer doesn’t mind that Derek barges in whenever he wants. With him are Matt and Luke, and the latter smirks at the flushed look on Spencer’s face.

“Why is Y/N’s car here?”

“She dropped it off here,” Spencer thinks quickly. “She took an Uber to hang out with the girls. She didn’t want to drive, and it was cheaper to get one from here than her house.”

Luke looks around the room and sees your toes underneath the bed. He smirks but doesn’t comment on it.

“When she gets back, she can sleep in the guest room.”

“No problem,” Spencer shrugs.

“Don’t you touch her,” Derek points at him.

“I won’t. Why did you come here? Not that I don’t love your company.”

Spencer doesn’t want to get up because then they’ll see the boner he has.

“We’re going to a baseball game. Want to come?”

“No, thank you. I have a bunch of books to get through.”

“I can wait ten minutes,” Derek laughs.

“Maybe next time.”

“Alright. Let me know when she gets home safe.”

“Sure thing.”

The three men leave the room and Spencer busts out laughing at the situation.

“Shut up,” you glare and hit the underside of his bed. You crawl out from underneath it when you know it’s safe to do so. You kneel on the bed and kiss him lovingly. “Derek may be my brother, but he’s not the boss of me. I love you with all my heart, but I better go before he sees me.”

“We gotta tell him soon.”

“I know but sneaking around with you is so much fun,” you wink.

Instead of leaving through the bedroom door like a normal person, you sneak out of the window where there is a tree that slopes down, giving you the perfect escape route. Spencer watches you go with a chuckle, glad that someone like you is in his life.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[seeingivy]

sisters

ryomen sukuna x f!reader

**part of my best friend's (older brother) fic

previous part linked here

TW: minor mentions of violence/parental abuse!! also this is suggestive pls read at your own discretion!!

--

“so did i grow another head or are you meeting up with sammy later?” 

“what? how did you even know about that?” 

sukuna lazily leans against you, still half asleep, as he breathes into your neck, a string of unintelligible noises coming out of his throat. you can tell that it’s still too early for him – and that your racket or your absence must have woken him up. you reach up, running one of your hands through his hair, before pressing a halfhearted kiss to his cheek and returning to your typing. 

“google calendar.” sukuna responds. 

you smile. 

“i didn’t realize you actually looked at that.” 

sukuna reaches forward, slamming the screen of your computer down, as you roll your eyes and lean against him. 

“sukuna.” 

“you can study in bed, y’know.” he responds. 

“that’ll distract you, with the typing and the shuffling of papers and all that.” 

“well, it’s already fucking distracting when i wake up and you’re not next to me, so…same shit.” 

you roll your eyes. 

“stop being dramatic. i could easily spend the weekend at my own place and you’d sleep just fine.” you respond. 

“no, i wouldn’t. you basically live here now, i’d obviously notice if you just disappeared.” he deadpans. 

you pause, clutching your pencil in your hand, before spinning it around in your palm. you can feel sukuna lean off of you, your silence clueing him in, as he now intently stares at you with his brown eyes, drowning in irritation. he’s clearly awake now. 

“what are you thinking about?” he asks. 

“nothing.” 

“well, it’s certainly not nothing. and i’m almost positive it’s something annoying because you’re not telling me.” he responds, poking into your cheek. 

you sigh. 

“should i be paying rent? because…i really am here all the time…s’kind of unfair if you’re the one paying for the place when i stole all of your closet space and your bed and –” 

“you’re making it sound like you’re such a nuisance to me. contrary to your beliefs, i actually love that you’re using my closet and that you take my jackets sometimes. and in my opinion, the only place you should be is in my bed anyway, so.” 

sukuna can tell that you’re not really buying it. 

“can you let me cover our groceries? i literally eat all of your food too. and –” 

“it’s our food. i made it for you.” he complains. 

“i’m probably emptying out your bank account and you’re just letting me. you should just –” 

sukuna reaches for your legs, before sliding you sideways on the chair so that you’re facing him. and he takes his residence in between your legs, cupping his hands around your face, and angling your chin up so that you’re looking at him. 

“you’re about to graduate. how about…you start splitting rent with me when you aren’t living in your dorm and you’re officially living with me? it doesn’t make sense to pay for two places right now.” 

you bite down on the softness of your cheek. 

“are you…asking me to move in with you?”

“you already live here.” he deadpans. 

“no. but then we’d have to put me on the lease. i’d-i’d actually live here live here.” 

“well, were you really thinking about moving back home? you would hate that.” 

“i mean no. but i was going to look for an apartment and roommates and –” 

“i have an apartment right here. i would be a great roommate – i feed you and i kiss you when you’re sad, which seems like a win win to me. but if it feels too fast for you to move in with me in a few months, that’s okay with me. i will help you apartment hunt if it comes to it.” 

you frown. 

“do you think people will judge us for moving in together so fast? i mean, by the time i graduate, it’ll only have been like…like half a year? and we still haven’t –” 

“do you think it’s weird?” 

“i mean, no but –” 

“what other people say doesn’t matter. if you want to live here when june comes around, that’s really no one else’s business. i’m not going to murder you, i won’t be a bad roommate, and that’s kind of all that matters.” 

you smile. 

“do you want to live with me?” 

“you. already. live. here.” he responds. 

“no, but like. joint lease. like actually living here. you know you won’t be able to break up with me for like two years because we’ll be stuck here, right?”

“well, i was obviously not planning on breaking up with you, so that won’t be a problem, will it?” 

you pause. 

“i guess not.” 

sukuna gives you a satisfied smile, before dropping his hand from your face to the chain hanging around your neck. you can’t help but feel your cheeks warm as he admires the little charms on the necklace he gave you, running his fingers over them. 

“what?” you ask. 

“you’re still wearing it.” 

“are you crazy? i have to wear this forever now. i’m never going to take it off.” 

“okay, but…i do take mine to get cleaned every few months so you will eventually have to take it off.” 

you roll your eyes, as you bring one of your hands up to his, and squeeze. 

“so…i’m taking your big avoidance of the question as a confirmation that you really are seeing sammy later?” 

you sigh. 

“yeah. i’ve been trying to make plans with her for two weeks and she was finally able to pencil me in.” 

sukuna pulls up the chair next to you, sitting on it backwards, as he leans his chin against the back of the chair. he’s playing with the rings on your fingers, twisting them back and forth, as he listens. 

“okay, but why? do i have to roam around in the mall at the same time as you guys just to save you in case she’s a bitch?” 

“don’t call her a bitch, sukuna.” you groan. 

sukuna’s eyes widen, as he jokingly presses his hands to your face and starts shaking your head. 

“who are you and what did you do to my girlfriend?” 

you swat his hands off, as you narrow your eyes at him. 

“stop it! i’m just…trying to be nicer to her. you should be too, she’s still my sister.” 

“wow. what brought on this sudden need to reconcile with the devil?” 

“sukuna!” 

“okay, okay, i’m done.” 

you pause, leaning your cheek against the cold tile of the kitchen island. it bites into your skin, the shrill cold making the hairs on the ends of your arm stand up. 

“you know how we hate that yuuji is so…so one track minded when it comes to you and me? how he kind of pushes his own feelings into what he thinks about us and that…that a lot of them are really immature things from when you guys were kids?” 

“yeah.” 

“it would be hypocritical of me to hate yuuji for doing that when i do the same thing to my own sister.” 

sukuna raises his eyebrows. 

“do you?” 

“i think so. i’m just…i don’t know. i feel like dating you has made me more self aware.” 

“well, obviously. i’m the epitome of emotional intelligence.” 

“shut up! i was just saying because…well, i know why yuuji harbors so much dislike for you now that you’re dating me.”  

sukuna pauses, leaning forward like he’ll almost miss it if he isn’t close enough to hear it. 

“he thought it was really careless when you left for europe, that you just thought about yourself and no one else. he thought it was really unfair because he still needed you to be there for him and you weren’t anymore.” 

sukuna can feel the guilt pooling in his chest. 

“but now that i’m dating you…and i know why you left, i feel like he’s really immature. i know that yuuji needed you but you were still a kid too. it wasn’t your responsibility to take care of him and he can’t get mad at you for that. you were your own person and you picked what was right for you.” 

sukuna reaches forward and cups one of your cheeks. you lean into the warmth of his hand, before pressing a kiss to his palm. 

“that’s why i hated sammy. that she would try to be fake and act like she was the best, when i knew she was getting drunk every weekend in highschool. i…i was always embarrassed because really, i just wanted her to take care of me the way you took care of yuuji. but that wasn’t her job and really, she still did that when it really mattered, anyways.” 

“what do you mean?” 

“that time i told you about, where i got caught in that car with mazzy and got in trouble. they called my mom, but…but sammy was the one who picked up. she was the one who came and got me and i had to tell her everything. i was expecting for her to tell me what everyone kind of did at that time, that he was a bad guy so what did i expect from being with him?” 

“but?” 

“but she just took me home and told me to take a shower. made me a really nice dinner. it meant a lot to me at the time, i-i basically started sobbing when she handed me my food because it just felt so nice to be around someone who just wanted to take care of me. she never even asked me twice about it, just…just kind of did what i needed.”  

sukuna presses a kiss to the top of your knuckles. 

“we’re older now. i want us to be better and just…be friends at least? i don’t know, i just think i’ve been really unfair to her when i’ve never even stopped to ask her if she needed anything from me.” 

“well, you can start by asking her today.” sukuna offers. 

you smile. 

“yeah. yeah, i can.” 

sukuna leans forward and presses a kiss to your forehead. 

“so what i’m hearing is…i’m the best, most self aware boyfriend ever who –” 

“oh, calm down, narcissus. just when i think your ego can’t get bigger you go and start staying stuff like that.” 

--

you wait for sammy across from the little donut shop at the mall. you get a set of two donuts – a maple bar for her and a sugar one for you – as you swing your legs over the bench and rehearse your little script in your head. 

it felt a little evil given the conversation you had with sukuna earlier in the day, but you had a favor you desperately needed to ask her. 

and surely enough, she comes right on time, hands shoved in her pockets as she gives you a halfhearted smile. you jump up, unsure if you should hug her or shake hands and then there’s too much of a pause when you don’t say anything. 

“are you okay?” she asks.

“hm? yeah! yeah. how are you? also, i got you a donut. and it’s maple, your favorite! and –” 

you pause – too much. but she fills the silence. 

“you’re rambling.” she states, as she plops down on the bench. 

she shoots you a grateful smile as she picks up the donut from the box, perfectly wrapped in the napkin, and takes a bite out of it. you mimic her motions, maybe scarfing down yours faster than you should have, from the nervousness. 

she hates you. 

“jesus. is this the first time you ate today? do i have to slap sukuna for not feeding my little sister properly?” 

sammy reaches forward, an annoyed look on her face, as she wipes away the sugar around the edges of your mouth – and you shoot her a grateful smile, that she halfheartedly acknowledges, as you lean back on the bench. 

“how’d you know about sukuna?” 

sammy rolls her eyes. 

“kisa. she was going on and on about how the ryomen sukuna is dating sammy’s little sister. half of the town knows by now, including the moms, who are planning to invite you to some big dinner where they start talking about your wedding.” 

“huh? my what?” 

“you should thank me, bitch. they were actually talking about your grandchildren and i told them that they need to tone it back fifty notches or you both won’t ever talk to them again.” 

“well, sukuna definitely won’t if they say that.” 

“tell me about it.” she responds. 

you shoot her a grateful smile, heart warm that she had thought to advocate for you in the slightest, as you prep yourself to say your entire spiel. 

“i asked you a question. is he good to you?” sammy asks. 

“what?” 

“sukuna. is he good to you or do i have to mutilate him?” 

you smile and she returns it back, leaning back in her chair and hiking her legs to her chest. 

“really good. i really love him.” you respond. 

sammy smiles. 

“i know.” 

“what do you mean you know?” 

“first and foremost, that poor kid has been so hopelessly wet in his pants for you since he was like a kid. do you remember that one birthday where he got you a bike that he built from scratch? second, i did hear him call you a pretty girl that one dinner he came to right before you started chewing him out.” 

you cringe. 

“oh god. we’re not actually like that – i was being really stupid that day. i just…” 

“no, it was really funny. he came back looking like a kicked dog when mom asked him to leave.” 

you smile. 

“i bet.” 

you pause. you had to be honest. 

“we actually don’t fight that much, that was just one of the rare times. i just got kind of jealous. of you. when the moms were suggesting that you date him and you were buying into it. i thought he was actually going to do it and i just…got irritated and yelled at him. and trust me, i was even worse when we got home before i calmed down, so…” 

sammy scoffs. 

“i don’t want to date your boyfriend.” 

“i know! it…it was my problem. i clearly have issues with insecurities, especially when it comes to you because of how the moms were sometimes, and i know that it’s my fault.” 

sammy raises her eyes.

“what?” 

“well, i don’t know. i mean, i feel like i’ve had big problems with what people have thought of me since i was a kid. but i always felt like they liked you better, and that because they liked you they couldn’t like me, and sometimes it made me resent you. and it was unfair, because, because…that’s not really your fault.” 

sammy sighs, before demolishing her donut by splitting it in half. 

“well, that’s not entirely true.” 

“hm?” 

“that’s not true. sometimes…i did do it on purpose. sometimes, i got a kick out of the fact that for once that…someone liked me instead of you.” 

“you’re kidding.” you deadpan. 

“i’m really not though. because you tend to forget, that i didn’t have friends like you did when you were a kid. you met yuuji the first day we moved into that house. sukuna basically followed you around after that. the three of you were friends and…and i was never included. so if the parents were the ones who liked to be around me, then…then that’s where i was going to be.” 

you pause.

the worst part of it was that sammy was always your dad’s favorite. and he’s the one who picked up and left. 

“you forget that your best friend before yuuji was me, y/n. i’m sorry that i was a bitch to you and maybe made some of your insecurities worse…but you did it to me first. i wasn’t exactly mature at that age so i just…that’s just what i did.” 

you lean back, unable to stop thinking about it now. that when you and yuuji wanted to go to the park, sukuna was always the one who took you guys – and that sammy was the one who stayed behind. how you really can’t remember a time where it was ever the four of you, but hundreds of times that sukuna had followed behind you and yuuji under the guise of taking care of you. 

and then you feel horrible. because every time you got drunk in highschool, yuuji was always there covering for you, making sure that you made it home safe with water and aspirin in your system, when you almost always found sammy half passed out on the porch before you had to drag her back into the house before your mom noticed. 

that maybe, sammy knew exactly how to take care of you that night she had to pick you up, because it was exactly what she had been longing for someone to do for her. 

“i’m a really shitty sister, aren’t i?” you ask.  

“yeah. but i am too, so…can’t really blame yourself there.” 

“are you? because…because i literally abandoned you.” 

“and i took it out on you and your friends after the fact so, relax. we’re both shitty people, it’s not a big deal.” 

you pause. you suppose that she’s right. 

“i was going to ask something really cheesy but i know you’d get really annoyed.” you state. 

sammy curls her nose up in disgust. 

“like what?” 

“well, i was going to ask if we were going to be friends now? and –” 

“you exercised the correct judgment. that’s disgusting, y/n.” 

but then sammy brings her hand up and rests it against the top of your head, before brushing the stray hairs around your face to the backs of your ears. and you smile, feeling so oddly taken care of that it makes your heart warm. 

“god. he really is good for you, isn’t he?” 

“who?”

“pablo picasso. obviously, sukuna.” sammy responds, tone bitingly sarcastic. 

“why do you say that?” 

“dunno. we’re hanging out right now. talking about our feelings. if he makes you realize that you’re jealous of me and indirectly makes us talk about our…whatever…then he must be good for you. that and the fact that he’s been obsessed with you since forever so, he must be on top of the world.” 

you smile. 

“i don’t know. i kind of thought that some part of me was…ruined after what happened back then. like i came with this big thing that someone else would have to come to terms with if they were going to be with me.” 

sammy glares at you, but you can tell that it’s laced with concern. that she thinks you’re being stupid. 

“what?” 

“i just mean. i always knew i’d have problems from my past relationship in my current one. and that maybe someone wouldn’t love me enough to be patient, because i would struggle so much.” 

sammy sighs. 

“but?” 

“but, he’s so patient. sammy, sometimes i don’t even know what i did to deserve him. he’s…he does things just because he knows they’ll make me happy, even if he hates them, and…and he’s always so understanding about everything. he never pushes, he’s always so sweet and just –” 

“it’s what you deserve.” 

“what?” 

“it’s what you should have had the first time.” sammy states. 

you pause.

“yeah. but it almost makes me more grateful for him now. it’s almost like…i had to know the bad to really appreciate the good? and it makes it sweeter? i don’t know, i obviously wouldn’t have wanted it to happen if i had the choice, but i’m just really…really grateful for him.” you respond. 

“i’m sure that means the world to him.” 

“what do you mean?” 

sammy nearly cringes. 

“well, you know how his dad was. i’m sure it makes his entire life that someone actually appreciates him.” 

you nod. 

“i was going to call him after this actually. tell him that if he ever hurts my little sister, who is my friend now, i’m going to cut his dick off. but…same for you. sometimes i forget how much he suffered at the hands of his dad when he was little. he deserves good just as much as you do.” 

you feel a shiver down your spine. on a topic you had yet to broach with sukuna. on the times that he’d fight so bad with his dad that he’d spend the night at your house. and the rare occasions where his dad would raise his hands on sukuna and when you had to watch your mom ice his skin from the door of the kitchen. 

“you’ll cut my dick off?” you murmur. 

sammy snorts. 

“shut up. you know what i meant.” 

sammy pushes up off the bench, as she gestures for you to join her with her head. 

“so what did you need my help with?” sammy asks. 

“huh? how did you know?” 

“you’re annoying. you’re going to be nice to me but you’re also going to ask for a favor.” sammy states. 

“okay, i’m sorry! but i really can’t ask anyone else, all my friends are all…weird about me and sukuna dating so i can’t just be like oh…oh come buy lingerie with me because i have no idea how any of it works.” 

sammy raises her eyebrows, fighting the urge to laugh, as you shove her. 

“shut up. you’re such a bitch.” 

“you guys already hit a short fuse that you need to spice things up? he’s such a dog.” 

“what? no, no we haven’t even done it yet.” 

“what?” 

“well, we had a whole talk. and now that we’ve waited for so long, i want it to be special. for me and him, and…and i want to feel good, okay? not that i think it’ll make me feel good but i just mean it would be nice to do something like that.” 

sammy links her arm in with yours, turning on your heel towards the direction of the store, as she keeps laughing. you can feel the embarrassment in your cheeks, irritated, as you elbow her in the side one again. 

“stop it!” 

“i’m sorry! that’s actually like really cute and fucking romantic. but i can’t just stop laughing at you saying you don’t know how lingerie works.” 

“it looks so complicated online. just so many…straps and stuff.” 

“okay, okay, relax. my girlfriend loves this type of shit, so i’m basically an expert.” 

you try to hide your shock – at sammy saying she has a girlfriend – as she drags you into the store and basically shoves you into a dressing room. 

and surely enough, you leave the mall with a light pink set that she insisted on buying for you and a box of condoms that you swiped on your way out from the convenience store across the street. 

--

sukuna comes home to dim lights and the faint smell of lavender. and shockingly enough, you serving dinner, perfectly plating and garnishing it with the little minced greens. he quickly decides that it’s his favorite sight – your eyebrows scrunched in concentration, drowning in one of his old t-shirts. 

you feel sukuna’s arms wrap around your waist, as he sags nearly his entire weight around your back, and sighs heavily into your shoulder. 

“hi doll face. what’s the occasion?” he murmurs. 

you smile. 

“does there need to be an occasion for me to do something nice for you?” 

“yes. you’re cooking dinner, which is haunting, baby.” 

“fine. you can starve then.” 

sukuna laughs, before pressing lazy kisses into your neck, and loosening the buttons around his collar. 

and throughout the course of the dinner, he can tell that you’re nervous. it would be a little off putting a few months ago, but he knows better by now – that you’re clearly going to ask him something important or say something big to him. and naturally, with how impatient he was, he was going to weasel it out of you. 

“how was sammy?” sukuna asks. 

you smile. 

“good. she said she will cut your dick off if you hurt my feelings.” 

sukuna snorts. 

“i expected as much. did you give any thought to the apartment?” 

“yeah. it makes sense and…and i really don’t care.” 

you reach forward, pressing your hand into the warmth of his cheek, and feel your heart flutter at the smile he gives you back. you can feel the nervous anticipation pooling under your skin, entire body warm at the thought of him sitting across from you. 

“i really love you, you know that?” you whisper. 

sukuna narrows his eyes at you, the whisper of a smile still on his face. 

“are you sure you’re okay? we can talk about anything that’s bothering you if –” 

“no. no, nothing’s bothering me. really. i just really love you.”

sukuna shakes his head, the lightest pink dusting his cheeks. 

“you silly girl.” he scoffs. 

you smile. 

“i love you more. don’t argue back because you won’t win.” 

you shake your head, before reaching into the lining of your underwear, for the condom that you tucked into your skin. and you place it flat on the table, before looking up at him. 

“wow. you’re serving condom for dessert? at least tell me it’s flavored.” he asks. 

you groan, which earns you him a laugh from him. 

“they come flavored?” 

“yeah, but…but it’s weird so don’t buy those. also, don’t buy condoms. that’s my job.” 

“i don’t know how you initiate these type of things!” 

sukuna laughs, before cupping your cheeks with his hands. 

“you’re like a cavewoman. initiating sex by giving me a condom. no foreplay? no kissing?”

“i mean, obviously. but like…we always kind of get close to it. i just wanted you to know that i was ready. and that i…” 

sukuna grins and it’s enough to make your heart drop to your stomach. 

“that you what?” he whispers. 

“you know.” 

sukuna shakes his head, as he reaches for your waist and pulls you off the chair, and starts dragging you towards his room. 

“i don’t know, y/n. you have to tell me, princess.” 

you feel your cheeks burn, as you press your hands to your sides. 

“well…i want you.” 

“is that right?” 

“sukuna.” you whine. 

sukuna locks his hands around your waist, as you lift yours around his neck, nervously crumpling the fabric of his shirt in your hands as you look up at him. 

“i’m done teasing. you just make it so easy, baby.” 

you bite your lip. 

“well, i kind of like it. so you…you don’t have to stop.” 

sukuna smiles, before leaning his forehead against yours. 

“more of that, okay? you tell me what you like, more importantly what you don’t.” sukuna whispers. 

you nod. 

“safe word.” sukuna states. 

“um…worm?” 

sukuna rolls his eyes. 

“and what if i wanted to call you my pretty little worm? then what?” 

“if i take all my clothes off and you even think about calling me a worm, i’m never speaking to you again.” you respond. 

sukuna laughs, before giving you a nod, and leaning forward to close the distance before you. you can tell that he’s moving slow, tiny steps backing you up before you fall back onto the bed, and he’s hovering with his necklace dangling over you. 

and his voice is quiet as he peppers kisses into your cheek and neck, so soft it makes your stomach rumble. 

“just so you know, it does hurt the first time. need you to tell me, don’t feel embarrassed. and i –” 

“i know. i know, i will.” 

sukuna smiles, before hooking his fingers under the fabric of his t-shirt, before he carefully pulls it out from under you. and maybe it’s the sheer embarrassment that you went out of your way to buy lingerie – but you pinch your eyes shut when you catch the realization in his eyes. 

“up.” 

his voices comes out more gravelly than you’ve ever heard it, as you open your eyes, skin burning, as you give him a confused look. 

“sit up, doll. let me look at you.” he whispers, this time more fervent. 

you oblige, sitting up on the edge of the bed, as he kneels onto the ground, hands fixed on your waist, as he looks up at you. you cringe, shrinking your shoulders together, as you look down at him. 

“too much?” you ask. 

sukuna scoffs. 

“are you fucking crazy?” he responds, tone dripping with disbelief. 

sukuna stands up this time, pulling you up with him, as cradles your face with his hands, eyes so sickeningly sweet that it makes you smile. 

“my perfect girl. what did i do to deserve you, huh?” he murmurs. 

“what?” 

“the dinner, the candles. this fucking set you bought. you ruin me, you know that?” 

you shake your head, as he drops his hands, admiring the lace. and he lifts one of his fingers, making the gesture for you to spin, as you oblige, and get a barrage of kisses in response. 

“i’m obsessed, you know that? with this, with you, with your smell.” 

you smile, pulling his face out of the crook of your neck, as you shake your head, and he takes the hint to slow down. you relax into his arms, nervously toying with the buttons on his shirt, as you calm down, trying to ease the nerves, as he presses a chaste kiss to your forehead. 

“i’m guessing you…you like it?” 

“like it? i love it. it’s special to me.” he murmurs. 

you look up at him, as he drops his gaze to yours, lovingly running his hands through your hair. 

“really? you don’t think it’s cheesy right?” 

sukuna shakes his head. 

“s’really special. never had someone put in this much effort to make me feel special. i was supposed to be doing all of this for you, y’know? was planning it all out too.” 

“really?” 

“yeah. was gonna get you a whole weekend getaway for your birthday. whole rose petals on the bed and everything.” 

you laugh. 

“what the fuck is so funny? it’s romantic.” he complains. 

“no, no it’s so cute! but you have to let me be the romantic too sometimes. i wanted to do all of this for you…and me too. i mean, i just –” 

“i understand, princess. you’re perfect.” sukuna responds. 

you pause. 

“you can tell me if you don’t want this right now. i know i made us dinner and made it a whole thing with the outfit, but really, you don’t have to oblige just because i –” 

sukuna responds by closing the distance, lips warm against yours as he pushes you back onto the bed, for a second time. 

--

sukuna brings you two advils when you’re soaking in the bath. you can still feel your blood pulsating under your skin, the tiredness seeping into your bones as you lean back against the tile, with the warmth of the water relaxing your muscles. 

and you can’t help but feel your skin burn when he walks back in – unable to stop thinking about how his head was just nestled in between your legs, of all the sweet nothings leaving his mouth, and the gentle way he carried you here after running the bath for you. 

he crouches down by the side of the tub, holding his hand out for you as you oblige. he lifts the cup to your mouth, refusing to let you hold it, as you down the pills.

“i can’t hold my own glass now?” 

“it's aftercare. shut up.” 

he makes the motion to stand up and you reach out, slapping your wet hand around his wrist and pulling. 

“you okay?” 

“yeah. yeah, but can you stay?” 

sukuna nods, as he sits flat on the tile of the bathroom, leaning his head against the side of the bath. he was intent on giving you the time to process and relax, despite the fact that he wanted nothing more to stay there, to possibly never leave your side again, and is pleasantly surprised by your request. 

“bath okay?” he asks. 

“yeah. thanks. for the pills too.” 

“promise it’ll hurt less next time, yeah?” sukuna murmurs. 

you nod, poking at the little indents of his dimples. you can’t help but admire him, the lightest sheen of sweat still stuck to his forehead, at the arch of his back and the tattoos littered over his skin as he lazily places his hand in the water and lets the soap run through his fingers. 

“did you like it?” sukuna asks. 

“are you a nut job?” 

“i mean, what did you like? just so i keep it in mind for next time. s’my job to make you feel good, y’know?” 

you smile, before feeling your chest ache. 

“all of it.” you respond. 

sukuna shakes his head. 

“nope. specifics.” 

you lean back, absentmindedly running your hands through his hair, as you think it over. 

“well, i liked it when you would hold my hand. it made me feel really comfortable…and when you would ask before doing something different.” 

“uh huh. what else?” 

“um…the stuff you called me.” 

sukuna grins. 

“like what?” 

you groan. 

“you know…the usual stuff!” 

“you like it when i called you my good girl, right? when you were taking me so well?” sukuna asks. 

you can tell that he’s trying to irritate you and lightly splash the water at him. 

“sue me! i like to be praised by my boyfriend!” you respond, glaring at him. 

sukuna shakes his head at you, before reaching for your hands and pressing kisses to your knuckles. the spots he marked on your neck are starting to purple up now, as he reaches down for his own that you left. 

“i liked it when you did this.” sukuna responds. 

you smile. 

“i’ll cover it up before you go to work tomorrow.” 

“i liked all the pretty sounds you made. i go insane when you say my name.” 

you shake your head, before splashing the water at him. 

“quit it.” 

“really. i love it all. i love you.” 

you deflate. sammy’s comment from earlier, the harsh memory of him with his eye purpled over on your dining room table, runs through your mind, as you lean forward, and press a kiss to his shut eyelids. 

“yeah, yeah. i love you too.” 

sukuna smiles, before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to the top of your knee.

--

next part linked here

taglist: @porridgesblog @k0z3mee @kayleegomez @yihona-san06 @sweetenertea @skzismyhome @mykyoon @violetmatcha @rebeccawinters @shotenvinsoot @itzmeme @gojoswifeyyys-world @cutiejg @chilichopsticks @ghostreadersthings @charlie-xo @whoami-72 @heijihattorisgf @megu-meow @complexivelovely @multiplefandomthings @hoebuns @lzaj19 @glossygreene @ramluvr @sureconfused @najaemism @manduse @imhorn1help @gamergirl5125 @r0ckst4rjk @invisible-mori @isaacdaknight @gyros-cum-sock @wishmem l @suftsunshine @i0099 @cowgirlikets @haitanibros0007 @stuffeddeer @yoontaedotin @ec3lipsy @armani78 @awkwardaardvarkforever @kereseth @leave-rae-alone @ruruvia @princess-ackerman @jjkwritingss @lilkiwikiara @opchara @telepathicheartss @starriesworlds @raechu11 @exprimidordefresas @nxxrxm @aalloochaat @strangehuman101 @tzutology

[libraincarnate]

🦋 astrology notes: 14 🦋

quick note: i'm absolutely not an astrologer. these are just a collection of some of my observations, thoughts, theories, and personal experiences. with that being said, i'm still learning along the way & i may come back to edit this post to make corrections. above all this is just for fun. lastly, keep in mind that i’m not reading your birth chart and i know nothing about you. these are just some possibilities that may or may not apply to you. enjoy!

ꕤ venus-mars aspects: people with this aspect may feel good/beautiful when moving their body. they could really enjoy sex, stretching, exercising, playing sports, dancing, etc. could be into getting massages, doing their skin/hair care routine, eating healthy & more cause overall, they’re taking care of their body/themselves and they’re into that. there’s a desire to connect with their body and actually listen to what it wants and/or needs. they want to feel good and look good & they probably have a nice body too.

ꕤ neptune-uranus aspects: can indicate a wild sleeper. the type to shift the blankets from one end of the bed to the other, waking up with their pillow in weird positions or they themselves are hanging off the side of the bed. could accidentally hit people while they’re asleep if they share a bed with someone. may have strange dreams, possibly spiritual/prophetic ones too.

ꕤ libra venus: they want an equal relationship with equal effort. if they have kids with someone, they expect that person to be as involved as they are when it comes to parenting. it's a partnership so no one should be doing more than the other, it should be *balanced*. they absolutely know how to make a person feel loved, adored, and appreciated. they can be quite lovey-dovey & they also want to be doted on too. they want someone who makes them feel comfortable enough to not have to look or act perfect all the time. they want their partner to see their beauty on the outside & the inside too. even if it's not fun to admit, they know they’re not truly perfect and they want someone who will accept the parts of them that aren’t beautiful, the parts they're insecure of. yes they love compliments but genuine ones from their lover that aren’t always about their appearance are meaningful and cherished.

these people are so caring. this is a sweetheart placement. with that being said they expect their partner to be nice to them 98% of the time. this doesn’t mean you can’t tease them or make jokes, but just don’t overdo it or be rude. so this doesn’t necessarily mean that they want an extremely nice or gentle bf/gf, but rather someone who’s never truly mean to them and shows them the same amount of love, respct, & consideration.

ꕤ virgo lilith/rising/venus & lilith in the 2nd house: may feel ugly or uncomfortable wearing heavy makeup. they’re so used to being natural that they feel as if they look too different wearing lots of makeup or even a little. could feel as though it emphasizes their features in a way that they don’t like because it comes off too strong. they’re just used to & prefer that natural look, but they may prefer light/subtle makeup, like that “no makeup” makeup look.

ꕤ if you feel like you don’t relate to certain placements in your natal chart, check the persona chart of that planet and look for that same planet within that persona chart. you may find that you can relate to it a bit more or it can reveal something else about that part of you/your life, maybe help you connect the dots.

for example, if you feel like your venus placement in your natal chart doesn’t really apply to you, check your venus placement in your venus persona chart. or if it’s your moon then look for the placement of the moon in your moon persona chart.

ꕤ the placement of sagittarius in your chart can show you where you might be afraid to commit: 

in the 4th house - could be afraid to start a family of your own because of how much your children/family would depend on you and because of how much you’d be responsible for another person.

in the 7th house - could be afraid to commit to long term relationships that may lead to marriage because you view it as something spiritually and/or legally binding (to an extent), and the idea of that sounds restrictive or "too permanent" & daunting, even if you're in love, so you may self-sabotage. your lack of commitment here might also be because you don't feel comfortable trusting others/being vulnerable. plus, sag is an honest sign that cares about integrity so if they make a vow they won't want to dishonor it. but then there's the possibilty/fear of being trapped in a miserable or lifeless marriage, or being unable to leave without conflict or upsetting consequences.

in the 6th house - could run from your daily responsibilities/routine if it lacks variety. can be afraid to commit to jobs that may have the potential to become mundane & monotonous, jobs that don't have many opportunities or room for growth and advancement.

ꕤ saturn in the 9th house: may not enjoy going to church, if you we’re born into a religious family this could have been an issue for you, perhaps you have a religious father that is strict and religion may have been a persistent theme that brought about conflict.

ꕤ aries moon: when they’re pissed off you’ll know because they’ll express it verbally and/or physically (this doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll put their hands on you). out of all the different emotions, they probably feel anger the strongest. they’re not the type to hide their emotions like capricorn moons and that’s probably because they usually can’t no matter how much they want to or try to.  

they are direct & unafraid of confrontation, but if they tell you that you hurt them then they care about you because that’s not something they’ll easily and openly admit. they’re loyal so they take it to heart when someone they love/trust wrongs them. if that person doesn’t have a good reason then they’re most likely cut off because aries now sees them as disloyal & untrustworthy.

aries likes to be in control, but with the moon here they can struggle to have control over their emotions because they feel things so forecully, not being in control only makes them more irritated, and they can be quite irritable. 

ꕤ sun in the 7th house (synastry): it can create such a strong bond that it feels like they are your soulmate. it could be hard to separate from each other because it feels like you guys are meant to be. they’re someone you want to share your life with. life is better with them. things can feel gloomy when there are problems between you two or when they’re not around & so this can also be a clingy placement. but that’s probably because they make you feel warm, safe, and overall they’re just one of your favorite people. 

ꕤ leo mercury / leo in the 3rd house: they’re quite descriptive & they incorporate lots of figurative language in their everyday speech whether it be personification, exaggeration, or similes/metaphors. with that being said they can be funny and make good story tellers. they draw people in with the way they speak and keep them interested. could be good at voice acting and imitating the voice of another such as singers or actors. these individuals have some bright ideas & they could probably write great books too.

ꕤ lilith in the 6th house: i’ve mentioned that taurus in the 6th house can have messy traits but lilith in the 6th house takes the cake imo. like they can be straight up dirty, sorry not sorry. the types to not clean up after themselves. they’re not afraid to get their hands dirty and i mean that literally. like no gloves needed ever lol & then they’ll “clean” their hands by running it under water for 2 seconds. also the types to not follow the rules or the steps of doing something. they do things their way or in a way that’s uncommon/different but they can also remain calm and focused in chaotic & unorganized environments.

ꕤ sun in the 4th: these people would make really good house wives or stay at home moms. they’re just good at being domestic and naturally good at running a household. they’re the glue to the family. i know the 4th house isn’t related to marriage/romantic relationships but to me, women with this placement exude the traits of the perfect/noble wife described in Proverbs 31:10-31. 

or if a guy has a capricorn sun here for example, he may be an absolute family man. someone reliable and a true provider who is dedicated, involved, and loyal to his family.

overall these people can be very family-oriented.

ꕤ chiron in the 5th house: you have a bold/bright personality that makes you stand out. when you’re expressing yourself or simply being yourself, you might get negative reactions and unkind comments from others which causes you to shrink back and hide that awesome personality of yours. you feel insecure about being yourself & so you may also have self-esteem issues. but that confidence is definitely within you, it's innate.

those reactions/comments probably come from people who are unhappy, not comfortable with themselves, or they're jealous & they wish could get the attention that you receive without trying. but that’s not your fault so keep being you!

these natives could also be the type to come off as quiet/shy but they aren’t. they’re actually fun, creative, talented, and a joy to be around, but they struggle to see that for themselves. 

ꕤ gemini or pisces rising / in the 1st house - especially if you also have a gemini/pisces moon or your chart ruler (mercury/neptune) is in the 5th house of fun, games/toys, & creativity:

* this is so long i'm so sorry *

i feel like these natives had lots of dolls, toys, and/or stuffed animals growing up. they probably always had at least one throughout their life and they still do even if they’re now older, mature, or no longer play with them because gem and pisces both have this playful, fun, & childlike energy.

the rising & 1st house is heavily focused on how you project/express yourself and who you are, both your inner & outer self. so regardless of age or maturity, these traits typically remain present in gem/pisces because it’s just a big part of their identity. & the moon is how we experience, process, and express our emotions. so for some, it becomes less of a toy and more of a sentimental item, something they’re emotionally attached to.

with gemini & pisces, it’s like they are here but they’re not lol they’re physically present but mentally elsewhere in some other world of their own. they’re the types to entertain themselves in their minds.

gem is ruled by mercury so they’re always in their head talking to themselves, thinking of anything & everything whether it be funny, brilliant, bizarre, or ingenious. they get lost in their thoughts. but we do the same with toys, we talk to them as if they were real or could respond, we create these conversations and social interactions, we give them a voice, “making” them say the most silly, funny, and crazy things. 

pisces is ruled by neptune and so they’re creative and always in their head day dreaming of different scenarios, people/characters, and possibilities. they get lost in their imagination. and with toys, we become both actors & directors, assigning different roles/characters to different dolls and stuffed animals, but also to ourselves. we set the scene, dress them up, do their makeup, and “make” them act out whatever we imagine. 

& when you think about dolls/toys/stuffed animals and the way that they’re typically played with, you think of personification or a sense of bringing to life/animation, imagination, children, entertainment, pretending, creativity, etc. plus, the whole concept is kind of bizarre if you think about it lol

this made me look up barbie’s chart because she’s one of the most popular dolls/toys and it’s so funny how she’s a gemini rising & pisces sun/moon.

if you read this until the end, i hope you enjoyed it & thank you so much for reading. ♥︎♥︎♥︎, those hearts are for you.

[cowboyfromh3ll]

Hcs for how each of the boys to react to "I'm pregnant"?

Any of them that you want to write for :)

So excited

English not my first language. Sorry

Van Der Linde Gang's Boys' Reactions To "I'm pregnant" (And Eagle Flies)

Hehehe this was so cute and also I didn't edit this ❤️

Warnings: none

Arthur Morgan

He'd be so fucking happy

Probably in disbelief at first but oh my God he'd be overjoyed

Ask you if you're serious over and over

Once he's convinced he's gonna ask all these questions about your physical and mental wellbeing

Celebrates with you (whatever that entails wink wink)

In his elated haze he's gonna wanna ask all these questions about your future together as parents

Is aware the gang ain't the best place to raise a kid but he'll reassure you that you'll have the whole gangs support

John Marston

Oh god

Let's just say he wouldn't be the most elated parent 😭💀

He's already got Jack and now he needs to take care of another?

If this were a revelation that came earlier in the game he's gonna be very irresponsible but I feel like he wouldn't deny that the kid was his

So at that point he's sort of forced to actually give a damn about him

And believe me he'd try but he wouldn't be the best at it, would need guidance

If this came later in the game like epilogue he'd probably be WAY more happier.

Your lives are finally settled and you can afford to have a kid

He'd be the happiest and more supportive husband and dad

Still wouldn't be sure about all the ropes but he'd try

Dutch Van Der Linde

He'd be SO happy

Like genuinely he'd shower you with gifts and praise and reassurance

I feel like part of it would be a power thing for him because not only can he lead a gang, but now he can lead a family

Also some sort of weird power symbol for him. Idk how, but it is

Wouldn't let you lift a finger

Would probably keep you in his tent to rest 24/7 and only allows a few people (Grimshaw, Hosea) to see you

He's going to hope and pray it's a boy

Charles Smith

HE'D BE IN SO MUCH SHOCK AND FEEL SM HAPPINESS IT'D BE SO CUTE

You sorta have to repeat the news to him a few times for him to fully absorb it

Literally a dream of his to start a family one day so now that he has it he's ecstatic

Probably incentive to leave the gang though, doesn't want his child growing up in that environment

Would prefer if you sit back and rest but won't hold you back if you don't want to

Javier Escuella

This is cause to celebrate

Takes you into town on a date

Offers you massages, foot rubs, hand massages

Sings to you to calm you

Holds your hair when you throw up (true love)

Buys you clothes to accomodate to your changing body

Kieran Duffy

THE SWEETEST REACTION

I feel like he'd start crying

Asks to touch your belly and would speak to it

That night he'd fall asleep while holding it

Wakes up the next morning and remembers you're pregnant and his day is already off to an amazing start

Get drunk while celebrating it and he'd boast to everyone about how he's gonna be a dad

Sean Macguire

He'd say some stupid shit I already know it

Probably crack a sex joke

He's getting stupid, fucking drunk. I'm talking black out

He's probably gonna wanna celebrate if you catch my drift HAHAHA

He'd forget to be gentle sometimes out of excitement, like carrying you around and cheering

Refuses to let you do any work

In private I feel like he'd cry

Lenny Summers

He'd probably panic a bit at first

Ask all these questions about how you guys are gonna be parents and if you're even ready

Once the two of you talk through it a little more he'll calm down and his nerves turn to excitement

I'm assuming y'all would be real young so he'd seek for a lot of guidance in the others

Constantly asks you questions about what you want and need

Bill Williamson

He'd be so flustered and nervous

Probably in disbelief for a while and asks if you're serious

I wouldn't blame you for thinking he's upset with the news at first

But he just needs time to process how his life's about to change!

He becomes even more gentle with you, more than he already is

Will argue with Miss Grimshaw about letting you rest/lightening your work load

And let's be real, she would lower your work load but he'd insist it stops altogether

Micah Bell

He'd be in disbelief, but bad disbelief

That or the sleaziest reaction

I'm leaning more towards sleazy reaction

Talks about how he's gonna raise the bravest kid and he's constantly gonna reference to the kid as he because I'm convinced he wants a boy

Brags to the others

Don't get me wrong the gang's happy for you but the way Micah uses it as a point of elevation is IRRITATING

Hosea Matthews

He's the cutest like seriously

He'd be sooo happy

Probably in disbelief that he even managed to get you pregnant

I believe he'd cry, and openly, he's not ashamed! He's happy!

Announces it to the whole gang, means for celebration

Takes you on dates to buy cute little baby items ahhh

Eagle Flies

HE'D FREAK THE FUCK OUT

Pace around the room asking if you're for real, contemplates his entire life, curses himself for cumming inside

You'd have to calm him down and talk him through it

It'd be a super emotional moment for the two of you, eventually he'd realize he's fine with the idea of kids and he's just nervous!

Would ask his dad and a lot of tribe members for advice

Over time he'd get way more excited and bring up the topic more often

[andvys]

“i’m so sorry for everything i’ve said to you before.” / “you didn’t deserve that.” reader x eddie

i feel like eddie would definitely say things he didn’t mean because he was afraid of how reader made him feel.

I'll keep you safe E.M.

Warnings: angst, mentions of death, blood, scars from the bats, fluff, happy ending

Pairing: Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Word count: 1.4k

stranger things masterlist

-

The water feels cool against your skin, your feet are dangling in the water. It’s dark out but the moon brightens up everything around you. You hear the laughter of your friends as they sit around the fire, you excused yourself for a moment, needing a few minutes to yourself. 

You’re spending the week in a nice cabin by the lake, it belongs to Steve’s parents. It was his idea to come here, a little getaway is what you all needed after the fight against Vecna a few months back.

Three days have passed since you came here and it was nice until this morning. 

Eddie was acting weird around you all day, ever since you woke up in his arms earlier that day, he has been distant, avoiding eye contact and mumbling responses whenever you’d ask him something and it hurts. He was the one who pulled you into his arms in the first place, he was the one who refused to let you go after you fell asleep on the couch together during your movie night, you woke up around midnight and tried to get up and sneak out of the living room without waking him up but he put his arm around your waist and pulled you against his chest, 'please, don't go.' He whispered.

He was making things so difficult for you.

You care about him, just like you care about the others but with him, it’s just different. He means so much to you, he makes your heart flutter, he makes you smile, he makes you happy and god, you want him so bad but he clearly doesn’t feel the same. You always knew it but especially after today. 

He snapped at you when you tried to touch his hand after asking him if he’s okay, he slapped it away and told you to leave him alone, his face was red and his eyes looked dark and filled with anger, when he yelled, ‘stop getting on my damn nerves, girl! I can’t stand your bullshit sometimes!’ 

Your bullshit, he meant your kindness, your sweet smiles, your caring side that you especially have for him.

It wasn't the only thing he had said to you but it was what had hurt the most.

You looked shocked and terrified when he yelled at you, you were too busy processing his words and the anger that was directed at you to notice the guilt in his eyes after he had spoken those words. 

He pushed past you afterwards, he left you standing there with tears in your eyes. Steve was there, he saw it all. Your first instinct was to run away, feeling too ashamed that someone else had witnessed that scene but he didn’t let you, instead he pulled you into his arms and let you cry. 

He knows that feeling all too well, when people call you bullshit, when they ask you to leave them alone after they make you care. 

Your eyes well up with tears again as you think about him. 

You hear footsteps approaching, sighing, you wipe away the tear that rolled down your cheek. 

“I’m fine, Steve,” you mumble, “go back to the others.” 

When he sits down beside you and you smell his cologne, you realize that he is not Steve. He’s the man that you have been avoiding all day since this morning. 

You turn to look at him with a frown on your face. The anger in his eyes is long gone, his face doesn’t look tense anymore, he looks apologetic. 

Eddie stares at you, noticing the glassy eyes right away, the smile that hasn’t been there at all today, all because of him. He feels guilty and horrible for what he said to you, for what he did. 

He can’t stand himself for hurting the person that means the most to him. 

His feelings for you were always there, from the moment he first saw you, he has loved you. He never thought that you could ever feel the same though, to him, you are this perfect girl with a bright future, one where he doesn’t belong in but then you got closer and he saw the way you looked at him, the way you cared for him, the way you loved him. 

And then, you almost died for him, you took the scars that were meant for him, you were bleeding out on the cold ground, waiting for death to take you and when Eddie scooped you up into his arms, you still smiled at him because you knew that he would be okay, even if you wouldn’t be. 

You would give your life for him and it scares him, your love for him almost killed you and he hates it, he hates how far you would go to keep him safe. 

He doesn’t feel worthy of your love, he doesn’t feel like he deserves it in any way and he is also scared of his feelings for you, he has never loved anyone the way he loved you. He is scared of messing things up not realizing that he is already doing so. 

As he looks at you, his heart begins to hurt in his chest, how could he hurt you? 

You tear your eyes away from him, blinking a few times as though it will do anything to keep the tears away. You take a deep breath before you pull your feet out of the water and push yourself up but before you can even place your feet against the wood, Eddie places his hand on your arm, “please don’t go.” 

Your eyes flash with confusion as you look down at his hand before you look back into his eyes again, even in the darkness you can see the sadness in them, the regret. 

You should go, you know you should but you can’t, you can never walk away from him, so you sit back down and stare at him. 

He lets go of your arm but he places his hand on top of yours, squeezing your hand gently. 

“I’m so sorry for everything I’ve said to you before,” he whispers as he looks into the eyes of the girl that stole his heart, “you didn’t deserve that.”

Your quiet sniffles break his heart, he knows you try not to cry, that’s why you turned away from him just now. 

“It’s okay, Eddie,” you whisper, “you can go now.” 

His shoulders slump and his face falls, he fucked up, he knows he did. All because he's afraid of his own feelings. 

“No…” 

You wipe your tears before you turn back to him, “I’ll stay away from you, I’m sorry that I’ve been so–” 

“Stop,” Eddie sighs as he scoots closer to you, he reaches out to cup your cheeks, surprising you with his touch, “please just stop, I don’t want you to stay away from me.” 

“But you said–”

“I know, I was lying. Everything I said was bullshit, sweetheart,” he mumbles, shaking his head at himself, “I just– after this morning, I-I’m just so… scared.” 

“Of what?” 

“You.” 

Your brows knit together and you draw back, staring at him confused. 

“Me?” You whisper, “but why?” 

He smiles at you, for someone so attentive and observant, you sure are clueless when it comes to his feelings for you. He caresses your cheek, opening his mouth to speak but then he chooses to do something else. 

He kisses you. 

You whimper in surprise, staring at him wide eyed as he kisses you softly. It takes you a moment to respond to the kiss. Your heart is racing, your skin feels hot, your lips feel tingly already. 

Just as he is about to pull away from you, you wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him back. 

Eddie smiles against you, heart fluttering when he finally feels your lips moving against his. It feels so good, you feel perfect. He lets his hand slide down to your waist, grabbing you tightly, he pulls you on top of him. You tighten your arms around him and kiss him deeper until you are both out of breath. 

“I love you.” 

You open your eyes and look into his, you see nothing but honesty in them. Happy tears and a smile resting on his face. 

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” he admits, he squeezes your waist, “you’re perfect and I’m just–”

“You’re perfect,” you whisper, interrupting him, “everything about you is perfect, Eddie.” 

His gaze softens. 

“I don’t deserve you, especially after this–”

“I love you too, Eddie. I love you more than anything,” you whisper as you press a kiss to his cheek, “I understand why you are so scared, I’m scared too.” 

“You don’t have to be,” he says, “you’re safe with me.” 

“You don’t have to be scared either, Eds, you are safe with me.” 

He knows, you have done everything to prove it to him.

He runs his fingers over the scars on your left arm as he pulls you in for another short but soft kiss. 

“I’m so sorry, I was so awful to you.” 

“It’s okay, you can make it up to me,” you whisper as you put your head on his shoulder. 

He smiles, putting his hand on the back of your head, he plays with your hair. His heart feels at ease again but the guilt is still deep inside of him. 

He will make it up to you. 

“I will, sweetheart. I promise.” 

[fandoms--fluff]

Hello friend I was wondering if you could do one more of Hope baby sister we’re Y/n is sick and wake up in the night crying because she is so sick that there parents and uncles are ants found men Y/n sleeping in the chest of Hope

Big Sister's Here

Baby Mikaelson sister reader x Hope Mikaelson

Warnings: none, it's all fluffy

A/n: I'm becoming obsessed with writing baby Mikaelson y/n and big sister Hope

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You rustle around in your crib, you feel weird and don't know why your tummy hurts so much. Tears start falling your cheeks.

Hope stirs awake, hearing crying. It takes her a moment before realizing it's coming from your room, next to hers. Not hearing anyone else, she gets out of her bed and walks over to your room.

She turns the light on, only to see you laid on your back, arms stretched above your head, and tears running down your face. She leans down and picks you up.

As soon as you're in your sister's arms, you nuzzle your head into her shoulder. Your cries lighten, but only by a little. Your tummy is still hurting and you don't know how to tell your big sister.

Hope bounces you lightly in her arms as she walks back into her room. All the adults are obviously asleep and she doesn't want to wake any of them just to ask what to do.

"It's okay. What's wrong?" She softly starts to soothe you. As she runs her vacant hand in circles on your tiny back, you let out tiny hiccups from the crying.

"Did you have a bad dream?...no" Hope talks to you, but really herself since you can only say a few words. If you were to have a bad dream then it would have been small screams that would've woken her up and not just crying.

"Does something hurt?" you perk up at the word hurt. "Oh, what hurts, y/n/n?" she asks softly, hoping that you can give her at least a clue to the answer.

"You can show or tell me, don't worry nothing bad is going to happen, you're safe with me, you're safe with your big sister" She sits down on her bed. The only light source in the room right now is the lamp on her nightstand.

You're sat in Hope's lap, one of her hands supporting your back so you don't fall backward. Trying to think the best you can, being one years old and all, you bring your small, pudgy hand up to your big sister's tummy. You tap it multiple times.

Her eyebrows scrunch up in confusion. "That's my stomach, yes," She says gently.

You then bring your hand back to your own tummy and tap it really lightly, not wanting to make it hurt more. "H-hu..h-hur'...hur'" you try to say.

Hope's eyes widen, realizing what you're trying to tell her. "Oh, your tummy hurts. I'm sorry I couldn't figure that out, sweetheart" She kisses the top of your head.

Is there any medicine she can give you? she thinks. She knows she has some Advil pills for when she's on her period, but she can't give those to you.

"It's going to be okay, your tummy is going to feel better in the morning, I promise, hunny' She lightly presses her hand against your stomach and starts chanting a spell to take any pain away from your stomach. She hopes this will work, she hates to see you in pain.

"You're going to feel all better" Hope finishes the spell. "I think it's time for us to go back to sleep" Your eyes widen at what she says about going to sleep. You immediately cling to her, not wanting to go back into your room and in your crib alone.

"Aw, you want to sleep with me?" She smiles, loving how cute and cuddly you're being. "'ope" you nod your head, snuggling into her warm chest.

"Of course, baby girl." She turns the lamp off before laying back underneath the blankets. You stay attached to her the entire time.

A few minutes later your breathing evens as you doze off. Hope's arms are protectively wrapped around your tiny frame. She follows not so long later into sleep.

"Klaus, do you know where y/n is?" Hayley walks into the library.

"Isn't she in her crib?" Klaus looks over to her. "No, she isn't, and I can't find her anywhere," Hayley says, voice getting distressed.

"Maybe she climbed out and is roaming the city like Batman" Kol smiles from where he's upside down on the couch. His smile disappears quickly when Hayley glares at him with her, mama wolf look.

"So, no one knows where she is?" Klaus stands up from his seat. "She can't be far, it's not like she can crawl yet, right?" Freya walks into the room, having heard everything.

"No, but it doesn't mean something can't happen," Elijah tells their older sister.

"Before all of you blow this out of proportion, have any of you checked Hope's room?" Rebekah raises an eyebrow at her older siblings.

She sighs before leaving the library, walking down the hall to Hope's room, everyone following close behind. She turns the doorknob quietly and walks into the room, along with the others.

They all pause, taking in the sight of you curled up on Hope's chest. You both are sleeping away, oblivious to the crowd gathered at the door.

That is until Hope's eyes open, feeling the other presence in her room. "What are you guys doing?" She asks, tiredly.

"We were worried when we couldn't find your sister in her crib," Klaus tells her, walking over to the bed.

"Oh, yeah, her tummy was hurting, so I took away the pain and then we went back to sleep," she tells them quietly, not wanting to wake you. "And you didn't want to put her back in her crib?" Hayley asks.

"Hey! She didn't want to go back to her room anyway...I just didn't put up a fight" Hope exclaims.

Kol chuckles at her statement, "Shut up" she whines, turning her head back into her pillow, not wanting to explain anything else to them.

Hayley reaches down, about to bring you into her arms. "No," Hope whispers, keeping you clutched to her. Hayley raises an amused eyebrow. "Let us sleep" she tries shooing her family away, which works with all of them except for your guys' parents.

Klaus and Hayley each lay down on either side of you and Hope. Thats how you guys spend your morning until you wake up and manage to also get Hope out of bed. Which surprises your parents greatly on how much of an effect you have on your older sister.

"You're lucky you're cute" She mumbles, begrudgingly picking clothing out of her dresser with you placed on her hip, protectively.

[prttykittes]

im screaming...! requests are open and i wanna indulge in silly dark fantasies ahahah :3

stepbro!kaeya eats out stepsis!reader (*´˘`*)♡ id really like for some bdsm too.. just reader being unable to move while her big brother devours her aahahhahaha (/ω＼)

I love kaeya, yiippee!! ♡⁠(⁠>⁠ ⁠ਊ⁠ ⁠<⁠)⁠♡

ෆ Stepbro!Kaeya X Stepsis! Reader [she/her/you/your]

— Synopsis:: your older step brother decides to let you stay at his house but he seems to have different ideas and you don't mind it!

CW. Stepcest, BSDM, pussy eating, marking(he marks her inner thighs), noncon(?), dubcon(?), CNC(?), pussy fingering, could be read as Afab reader, I use you/your pronouns so it can be read as Afab or fem! (⁠＾⁠3⁠＾⁠♪

A/N :: Nggh, Kaeya is so pretty, silly brother who will lick and touch you! Different format— written by a minor

[MASTERLIST] — ୧⁠(⁠＾⁠ ⁠〰⁠ ⁠＾⁠)⁠୨ all works in there!!

STEPBRO!Kaeya who lets you to stay with him after your parents want to move out! He was so sweet to let you stay with him! :3

STEPBRO!Kaeya who touches you! Touches your leg, your chest and lower than you expected! His touches feel so nice and comforting! He could never do harm to you!(⁠´⁠ε⁠｀⁠ ⁠)

STEPBRO!Kaeya who takes care of you! He will take care of his little sister! Making sure your okay and comfortable! He even teaches you how to cook, and cook, and take care of yourself when he isn't home! ヘ⁠（⁠。⁠□⁠°⁠）⁠ヘ

STEPBRO!Kaeya who goes in your room when your asleep and he comes back late! He watches over you while he looks for your used panties so he can use! (⁠•⁠ө⁠•⁠)⁠♡

STEPBRO!Kaeya who makes weird noises while your asleep and when he is in his room! He keeps making so much weird noises! ♡⁠(⁠>⁠ ⁠ਊ⁠ ⁠<⁠)⁠♡

STEPBRO!Kaeya who decides to do his actions, he was been holding back! He decides to let himself and you feel good! He makes you take a sleeping pill so you don't wake up! (⁠๑⁠˙⁠❥⁠˙⁠๑⁠)

STEPBRO!Kaeya who ties you up with handcuffs he took from his job! Making sure it's not to deep so it doesn't hurt you! He slowly lifts up your pajamas as he stares at your panties! (⁠♡⁠ω⁠♡⁠ ⁠)⁠ ⁠~⁠♪

STEPBRO!Kaeya who pulls your panties to the side as he looks at his prize! He gulps as he leans down and takes a lick! He began to lick and suck on your cunt as he jumps the bed! He gets hard easily when it comes to you! (⁠；⁠^⁠ω⁠^⁠）

STEPBRO!Kaeya who sticks his tongue in your cunt! His tongue swirling around while you moan in your sleep! Your pussy drooling out juices as he laps it up! (⁠๑⁠•⁠﹏⁠•⁠)

STEPBRO!Kaeya who puts a digit in your cunt, his finger as his mouth is on your pussy! Your cunt letting out more of your sweet juices, his hips continue to hump the bed as he continues to lap up and finger you! (⁠｡⁠・⁠/⁠/⁠ε⁠/⁠/⁠・⁠｡⁠)

STEPBRO!Kaeya who gets makes your inner thigh while his fingers pump into you! He will make sure that anyone will know you belong to him! (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

STEPBRO!Kaeya who gets happy and more horny once your cunt squirts out juices over his face! Your sweet liquid all over his face while he licks his lips! ꒰⁠⑅⁠ᵕ⁠༚⁠ᵕ⁠꒱⁠˖

STEPBRO!Kaeya who pretends that he doesn't know how your panties and bedsheets got all wet! Or how you got marks over your thighs! He didn't do anything, be swears! (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠)

STEPBRO!Kaeya who thinks that he should man up and make moves on you so that he can do the same thing on you when your awake! He can't wait for you to be awake next time! ｡⁠:ﾟ⁠(⁠;⁠´⁠∩⁠`⁠;⁠)ﾟ⁠:⁠｡

[starl3ght]

141 + more with a reader that sleeps a lot

A/N: I’m back from the dead, haha Melanie Martinez kinnie. I have a cousin that sleeps till 3 in the afternoon like wtf😨 I live for these men. They’re fine as fuckkkkkkk I loved making this

Requests are open and follow for more <333

-

-

Simon “Ghost” Riley

• He won’t be worried that much about you

• Maybe you’re just tired so he lets you do your own thing

• He respects you and what you just do around the house so he allows it

• But notices how you nap like every 3 hours a day and he gets concerned

• You just drop wherever. The couch, the living room floor, he found you outside in the grass one time.

• He throws a blanket over you each time and rubs his temple wondering what he’s gonna do with you

• “Love, you know this isn’t healthy right?”

• You had just woken up from your 4th nap.

• You look at him with your puppy eyes

• “But I’m tired”

• Don’t melt his heart, it makes him weak.

• “Trust me you’re gonna regret it, now up you go.”

• He’ll throw you over his shoulder and makes you do some random activities for you not to fall asleep.

John “Soap” Mactavish

• Might do the same thing but not much as you.

• He thinks it’s weird that you just close your eyes and stay dead for a few hours

• Might wake you up for fun

• He likes seeing you angry

• He sprayed you with the bottle one time. That wasn’t a good thing to do let’s just say.

• But seriously he is a bit concerned for you

• So when he walked into the literal, pitched black living room with the tv on and opened the blinds to the sunlight you hissed like some savage cat

• He only looks at you with a weird look

• “Jesus…alright, up and at em love.”

• You’ll just throw the blanket over your face again

• Ok, that’s how you wanna play it? He can play that game too

• He’ll grab your legs and drag you off the couch

• “No Johnny” you’re hugging a pillow against your face and he keeps dragging you “Not letting go that easy love. Now up.”

• He’ll pick you up putting your legs around his torso and your arms around his neck

• “We’re going out, dunno where but you’re done with your hobby for today bonnie”

• You went to Starbucks together( ˘ ³˘)♥

John Price

• Concerned as any parent would be

• Limits your sleeping time

• Has his alarm on his phone to wake you up

• “Love rise and shine, well technically it’s 4 in the afternoon so…”

• You’re still dead.

• He’ll stroke your face to wake you or just come back to existence💀

• Kisses your forehead and shakes your shoulder gently

• If you wake up he’s not letting you go back to sleep

• “You ready to stay up now love?”

• You violently shake your head no but he takes you to the living room so you can watch tv or read a book

• He needs you to be more active🤷‍♀️

• Might consider taking you to a doctor but tries to help you first

• Watches your sleeping habits well

• If it’s insomnia he’ll comfort you in his lap as you rant on about your sleeping issues

• He’ll make you sleep at the same time as him and takes you out to keep you busy or distracted.

Kyle “Gaz” Garrick

• Honestly it’s ok with him

• He just doesn’t like it when it happens for like a week straight

• 2-3 days is alright him because it’s a long tiring week so.

• When its 5 times every day he’s not allowing it

• Feels bad for waking you up

• “Baby?”

• You’re still in the world of dreams

• “Love, it’s time to wake up now”

• He uses that sweet soft voice you love so much

• But you won’t wake up

• He doesn’t know what to do that he might consider calling Price for help

• When you do wake up and look at him with your eyes with bags under his heart melts

• You must be having some issues

• He’ll make you sleep early so you’re ok for the next day

• He’ll take care of you, trust me

Alejandro Vargas

• Future husband mode activated

• Worries that waking you will get you angry

• But remembers it isn’t healthy

• So he uses your weaknesses to wake you up ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

• Mans kisses the crook of your neck and strokes your hair

• “Mi amor…wake up for me” That deep sweet voice he’s got for you

• You shift around in your sleep and open your eyes

• You just go to the bathroom and go back to the couch to sleep again

• He’s standing there frozen🧍

• “Ahora si, wake up mi vida.”

• He picks you up and that’s when you wake up

• You’ll slap his shoulder from anger

• “There we go…”

• He takes you to the bedroom and gives you a reason to be tired if you know what I mean🙂✨🌹

Rodolfo Parra

• AYYYY BABY😍😍😍😍

• He loves you too much

• He’s very worried for your health

• “Mi vida por favor, wake up.”

• You just won’t budge

• Worries a bit much now

• Like what if you’re staying up all night and he hasn’t noticed and so you sleep all day

• But that if that wasn’t the issue he would calm down

• You just sleep…like a lot

• Considers giving you melatonin for the night and taking you out the next day to have your energy

• He always gently touches you and when you wake he’ll give you something to eat

• He’s literally like a parent having to take care of you

• Will help you with your habits

König

• Won’t wake you up

• He’s scared

• Like what if you’re so peaceful and he upsets you from waking you up

• But reminds himself this is for your own good

•If you fall asleep on him then may he rest in piece.

• He’s not getting you off of him anytime soon and not easily

• Will nudge you shoulder hoping you open your eyes

• “Schatz??”

•You’re still sleeping. Are you even breathing??

• “Please wake up” oh now his voice is anxious

• “König what are you doing, it’s 8 in the morning”

• Wtf is wrong with you👁👄👁

• “Umm, meine liebe it’s 2 in the afternoon actually…”

• You reach out your arms like a baby wanting to be picked up

• So he does

• Picks you up gently as if you were the most fragile thing

• “Geliebte I think we should talk about your habits my dear.”

Alex Keller

• This mf let’s you do whatever you want

• He only gets curious when you’re in random places napping

• That’s when he realized it’s weird that you sleep a lot

• “Baby, you should’ve been awake 3 hours ago. It’s already 9 pm ”

• He’s literally standing in the living room and you’re on the carpet floor with a blanket over you

• Bro reaches for the blanket and throws it across the room and you wake up whining

• “Alex stop, let me sleep.”

• He gives you an almost offended look

• “It’s already been 5 years, it’s time for you to rise. Now go eat something”

• Drags you to the kitchen and makes you eat

• Now when it’s time for bed you don’t wanna sleep

• He’ll make you either way and holds you to his chest so you can’t escape

[randombush3]

me tengo que ir

ona batlle x reader

i’m honestly not quite sure what this is but i’ve been obsessed w me tengo que ir by karol g for the past few days and couldn’t get it out of my head

i doubt this makes ANY sense and i’m sorry that all the dialogue is in spanish but it felt weird for them to have this convo in english and so it’s all weird and spanglish-y but it’s just me being (slightly) tired of writing various other things and needing a mental break

[…]

Ona comes at night, covered by the darkness, comforted by the blanket it brings. It is black enough for her to look down and not see the red on her hands, not see the words spelled out in front of her. She chooses not to see the crime she has committed, but she knows that she is the one who created a law to break.

It was one thing to date a Madrid player while she wore black and red, safely tucked away in Manchester where she could support your enemy through the TV. It is another thing to continue the secret while she dons the jersey of your opposition, or vice versa. 

And so, Ona comes at night. 

Your family home, somewhere along the train tracks of Barcelona to Zaragoza, is unlit when her knuckles rap on its grand wooden door. 

Once upon a time, seeing you would have set her heart ablaze. Her heart would race and her ears turn pink, and you’d laugh, call her sweet, maybe tease her for being so affected. 

But now it is different, because Ona playing for Barcelona and you playing for Madrid is not the same as mysterious flights out to Manchester or extended stays in Spain. Is she embarrassed that two colours have come between you? Perhaps, but it is not like anyone will ever find out. 

You don’t finish your greeting before Ona is kissing you. Halfway over the threshold of an old home and the dark outdoors, she cups your cheeks, your neck, the jut of your hips as you push yourself into her. 

When her lips hit yours, tongue hungry, teeth unforgiving, you have to shut your eyes so that you do not cry. 

You no longer feel anything. 

Later, sweaty and lounging in bed, Ona’s smooth legs free themselves from the fabric of the bedsheets. You are just about to fall asleep, feeling alone although Ona is by your side, but you stir at the movement. At her restlessness. 

Before, you struggled to convince her not to stay. You’d pry off clingy fingers and wandering hands, and then pack a suitcase with the added weight of an extra body hanging off your own. You would never let her miss her flight home – it was a mutually kept secret – but she would never be able to leave without saying the longest of goodbyes. 

“Me tengo que ir,” Ona grants you as her feet hit the tiled floor of the guest bedroom, careful to not wake the dogs your parents have left you to look after while they visit your aunt in the city for the night. 

“¿Ahora?” Your question remains practical for now, and you would like to keep it that way until the conversation crosses the line of breaking up. She dares to look you in the eye. “¿Cómo vas a llegar a casa?” 

“En coche.” 

“¿El coche de quien?” 

“El mío,” she mutters. “Cupra Formentor.” 

Ah. 

A Barcelona car. 

“Sabes que puedes dormir aquí, conmigo,” your question fails to fall into its category. It sounds more like an accusation and she prickles underneath the slight frustration in your tone. 

“Eso no quiero,” comes Ona’s whispered response. “Puede que duermas conmigo, pero ya no te siento, bebé. Entonces, ya me tengo que ir.” 

“No tienes que irte. Nunca tienes–” 

“¡No fue suficiente!” 

You both saw this coming a while ago. You were not privy to the calls she made, nor the contracts drafted to bring her home, but you sensed their existence and watched as the end of your relationship came hurtling towards you. 

You let her get settled, even played your first match against each other in a sold-out stadium. You overlooked how her eyes would not meet yours as you lined up, and how she seemed to avoid the softness of your embrace until the very moment your Madrid colours were removed and you no longer were her enemy. 

You are not sure how you became Ona’s enemy. 

“Haré que sea suficiente. Podemos hacerlo suficiente juntas.” Ona watches as you gauge the severity of her words, watches as you surge upright and drop the sheets from your naked body in sheer desperation. “Tú me amas, y yo te amo. Ningún equipo de fútbol se interpondrá entre nosotras. Ningún compañero te pedirá que me dejes como si fueras Romeo y yo Juliet.”

Ona’s jumper is pulled over her head, the material rubbing away her tears. “Es un bonito cuento de hadas que me cuentas, pero esto no vale el cuento que me inventes.” 

“Eres mi todo, Ona.” 

“Vivimos como si no nos conocemos. Estamos grandes, bebé. Date un favor.” 

“¡Era el secreto tuyo! De Alexia, de Mapi, de Leila.” Your voice breaks and you notice through the tears in your eyes that she is fully dressed and you are exposed like a worthless mistress in some medieval brothel, abandoned by her knight in shining armour and left to fend for herself. Which is absurd for you to feel, because you are not that kind of person and Ona should not be able to cause you this amount of devastation. “Era tu secreto y yo estaba de acuerdo porque te quer–” 

She doesn’t let you finish. She doesn’t want to hear you say it. “No me voy sin dispedir, pero tú sabes que me toca ir.” 

You think back to the turns you have taken. Left, right, dodging obstacles. Arguments, misunderstandings, pleas to be something proper – pleas from both sides. Moments in which someone else almost knew, was almost told… Was never told. 

It reminds you of something someone once asked you. A stupid philosophical question sent into an awkward silence just to spark a conversation at a forgettable first date long before Ona and you ever considered sleeping together. If a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it, does it make a sound? 

If a relationship is born and dies, but no one knows about it, does it even exist? Does it matter, does it mean anything? 

Ona looks so small against the high arch of the doorway separating her from her way out. Shoulders hunched, eyes barely managing to stay open, let alone meet yours that would get on their knees if they were able to. 

You realise that you have taken so many turns that you have gotten lost. In doing so, one of you lost. 

(You.) 

And suddenly, you come to another realisation: life is tough. Life is tough and it sucks and girls like Ona will fuck you up as though a year and half is worth a lackluster three hours of sex and a watery goodbye that is more hurtful because neither side has the desire to fight any harder for the failing relationship you are holding onto.

Your words grow empty from where they linger in the air. Maybe they always were. 

“Me tengo que ir,” Ona finally repeats, breaking the thoughtful silence. “Hay un partido mañana y… pues es tarde.” She catches your sentence before you speak it. “No me voy a quedar aquí. Ya no vamos a hacer esto. Vamos a dejarlo.” You nod. “Me vas a dejar, y yo, tú.” 

“No me amas.” 

“Tampoco fue que no intentamos.” 

“Pero no me amas.”

Ona falters; she does not wish to tell a lie. But she is standing here, in your family home, and she does not want these walls to see your confusion tear you apart. 

“No te amo.” Silence. “Ya me tengo que ir.”

[lemonlover1110]

Baby Steps

Satoru Gojo

[Chapter 23] Adjusting To Parenting

← Previous Chapter - Story Masterlist - Next Chapter →

Pairing: Satoru Gojo x f!Reader

Discord +18 - Twitter - Ko-Fi

Happy to co-host Gojo NSFW Week 2023! Come join us on Twitter!

Satoru finally doesn’t cry when he looks at his son. It only took him a month of looking at the baby to get used to it. Satoru just didn’t think he could love someone so tiny so much. To think that he’d die for someone that has been alive for a month is baffling, a year ago he wouldn’t have believed it. Satoru hates the fact that he has to work since he can’t have his baby in his arms at all times. 

Both of you are getting adjusted to parenthood– You thought it’d be harder. While it is extremely hard, you have Satoru by your side at all times, and he takes over a lot of the duties. He insists that you rest, and you always take advantage of the opportunity. While you love your baby more than anything, you find yourself more exhausted than ever. Luckily, apart from Satoru, your parents stay with you for a month, as well as Kaya.

You were cramped in the apartment for a month, your parents in the spare bedroom, Satoru staying with you in your room (which he won’t leave even after they left, and you don’t have the energy to send him back to the other room), and Kaya in the living room. While you wanted to invite Tsumiki and Megumi to meet the baby, you’ve been so busy and occupied that inviting them over would be too overwhelming. You’ve tried to ask Satoru if they can move in with you, now more than ever you cry at the thought that the two kids live by themselves, even if you know that they can take care of themselves and that Satoru checks up on them daily. 

Luckily everyone is back at their own place within a month, although it feels weird to be left alone with your baby. At first you’re absolutely terrified because you’ve had help the past month, but when you’re alone with him, you realize how calm he is. Seiji sleeps the majority of the day that sometimes you have to wake him to feed him, and to do some tummy time with him.

“Oh my sweet baby,” You coo when Seiji begins to cry during tummy time. You pick him up and cuddle him. He’s just your sleepy little baby. The absolute cutest, even if he’s looking just like his father. You smile as he yawns, “Is it time to go to bed, Seiji? Again? You don’t let me have any fun with you. Bet if it was Satoru you’d be wide awake.”

You go to his nursery, sitting in the rocking chair and rocking back and forth with your baby. One year ago you would’ve never guessed that you’d be here, rocking your baby back and forth to get him to fall asleep. Your perfect little baby. You’re nearly in tears as you think about how he’ll grow up and he’ll leave you and Satoru. He’s just falling asleep and you’re thinking about how fast he’s growing– He’s starting to lift his head, he couldn’t do that last week.

You’re also dozing off with Seiji, and before you completely fall asleep, you feel someone lift him from your arms which causes your eyes to shoot open. A wave of relief washes over you when you find Satoru. He kisses the top of your head, and smiles at you before he walks over to put Seiji in his crib.

Ever since Satoru told you he loved you, he’s become more affectionate. He tells you that he loves you almost daily because after what happened with Suguru he doesn’t want to ever risk something happening to you and you not remembering how much he cares for you. But nothing will ever happen to you, he’ll find you just in time.

“Let’s get you to bed.” Satoru says, and you shake your head as you get up from the rocking chair. You yawn but you still say,

“I’m not tired.” You walk to the kitchen to get something to eat since your stomach is also growling. Satoru follows behind you. It’s a good thing that he’s also hungry and that you have a lot of leftover food in the fridge. You feel that Satoru is more clingy than ever, even when Seiji takes most of his time. You don’t really mind it though. 

“Has he been alright?” Satoru asks and you hum in response. He follows your every step as you get some food out of the fridge. You have to stop moving to face him. You raise a brow before speaking,

“Do you need anything? If you don’t, please take a seat. I need some space.” He ends up nodding in response before walking to the dinner table and taking a seat. “Do you want anything to eat?”

“Yeah… But I can get it. Don’t worry about it.” Satoru answers. He’s just watching your every move as you heat up the food and then walk to the dinner table to eat. Instead of getting up to heat up some food, he watches you eat. You have to stop eating a minute in. You wipe your mouth with a napkin.

“Satoru, are you gonna eat? I don’t like being watched.” You tell him, and he mutters an apology. He just doesn’t know what he’s doing with himself. He stands up to get something for himself, and you continue eating. When he sits back down, you ask, “How are Tsumiki and Megumi? When are they coming around?”

“I can pick them up later.” Satoru responds. Even though you’ve been home for a month, you really haven’t done much. You have yet to meet Satoru’s parents too.

“How about… I mean we’re already sleeping in the same room, we have a spare room. How about Megumi and Tsumiki move in with us?” You suggest, and Satoru nearly chokes on his food. He hits his chest a couple of times with his fist before standing up to get himself a glass of water. Before he can even argue with the idea, you point out, “If something happened to us, you wouldn’t want Seiji to live alone, would you? Those kids are not old enough to live by themselves.”

“Why–” He begins but then he stops himself. He wonders why you suddenly care so much, when you found out you didn’t, but it hits him. He wouldn’t want Seiji to be left alone either, even if someone were to check up on him once a day. “You’re right… We’d just have to get a bigger space. There’s not enough space for five of us.”

“Right.” You answer. Once Satoru chugs the water, he rinses the glass then walks over to the table once again to continue eating. As much as he loves hearing your voice, he wants you to stop talking when you nearly make him choke again when you bring up, “And your parents. When are Seiji and I meeting them?”

He has to get himself another glass of water. When the glass is empty and rinsed again, he answers, “I’ll get in contact with them and try to set up a dinner in a week or so.”

“What do they like to eat?” You ask, and he shrugs in response.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll probably set it up at a restaurant or I can arrange it in the estate. We have enough with Seiji, don’t worry about some dinner for my parents.” Satoru says, and you slowly nod. You haven’t quite grasped the fact that Satoru is a sorcerer– And he’s completely loaded. You’re still completely lost, and with everything, he hasn’t gotten the chance to properly explain, or well, show you what it all means. You’re not quite sure if you want to know what it means. 

“Can we set the dinner up here?” You question, and he raises his eyebrows. He’s not sure why you’d offer to cook, for as long as he’s known you (which isn’t very long if he’s being honest) you haven’t been the type to cook much. It just catches Satoru off guard that you’d offer to cook.

“I don’t think that’s a smart idea.” Satoru comments, which makes you purse your lips. “If you’re worried about Seiji in a restaurant, we can always go to my parents.”

“I can just cook, Satoru.” Your tone is rather defensive when you speak. He decides that he’ll drop the subject since you’re upset. He doesn’t want to worsen your mood by telling you how difficult his parents are. You both finish eating in silence.

“I’ll go pick up the kids.” Satoru says when he’s finished eating, bringing his dishes to the sink. He walks over to you and kisses your forehead, “I’ll be back really fast.”

“Okay.” You answer, trying your best to smile. It feels so hard to smile lately, the only person you smile at is your baby. You’re just so overwhelmed lately that a smile feels like too much.

-

You hear the front door open and you rush out of your room to greet the kids. You hug both Megumi and Tsumiki. It feels like forever since you last saw them, but they’re still welcoming. Before you can ask them if they want to meet Seiji, you hear crying from the nursery.

“I got it.” Satoru says, running to the nursery to get him. You focus on Megumi and Tsumiki.

“Do you two want something sweet? Satoru bought some cookies yesterday.” You tell them, and they nod in response. You walk to the kitchen to get the treat. “How are you two? I haven’t seen you in a while.”

They begin to tell you about their lives and how they’re doing. It’s mostly just school which doesn’t surprise you. You give them the cookies, and they thank you. You walk to the couch to take a seat, and just as you’re about to feel the cushion, you hear a yell from the nursery.

You rush to the room, your heart nearly beating out of your chest. And that’s when you find Satoru– A very nasty scene that almost makes you puke. Only thing you note is that Satoru’s white undershirt is now brown.

“What happened?” You ask.

“I was changing his diaper and–” Satoru is in utter disbelief. He has to shut his eyes and take a deep breath. Right when he doesn’t have his infinity on. “He had to go potty. And for some reason it’s– We have to go to the pediatrician, that shit is not normal.”

“I talked to her about it, don’t worry.” You inform him. You have to look away because the sight is too much. “Go shower, I’ll take care of him.”

“Good.” Satoru rushes past you and you go to Seiji. You clean him up before you give him a bath. You boop his nose, smiling at him before you put on a baby voice.

“Good job, baby.” You pick him up from the changing table, wrapping a towel around him before you go to the empty bathroom and put him in the water. It’s risky to hold him while you wait for the water to be just at the right temperature, but you’re not putting him in a diaper just when he’s about to get a bath.

Megumi comes running to the bathroom, and Tsumiki walks behind him. They stand in the door frame as you put your baby into the bath, kneeling down to bathe him. The younger of the two asks “What are you doing?”

“Giving baby Seiji a bath. He had a little accident on ‘Toru.” You inform him, and Megumi tilts his head. Both kids are curious as to what happened, but only Megumi is bold enough to ask.

“What happened?”

“Seiji had to go potty while Satoru was changing his diaper.” You inform them, and it causes Megumi to burst out laughing. Tsumiki doesn’t find it quite as funny, but she does chuckle. You also have to hold back from laughing, although the scene was horrific. “Now, don’t laugh at Satoru. He already feels shitty enough.”

It causes the kids to laugh, and you join them. 

-

After Seiji’s bath, the kids are able to meet the baby properly. The baby looks as cute as ever in a onesie that has a carrot print all over. He’s just the cutest little human but of course, you’re biased since you’re his mother. When Megumi and Tsumiki are seated on the couch, you let each one hold the baby for a minute– Well, Satoru does because even though his baby did the most horrible thing imaginable, Satoru picks him up and holds him.

“He’s so cute!” Tsumiki exclaims. You hum in agreement. Megumi shrugs.

“Guess he is.”

“Aw, are you jealous, Megs?” Satoru teases, holding back a smirk. Before Megumi can begin to argue, you cut in because you’re not really in the mood to hear them bicker.

“What do you two think about moving in with us?” You ask. You have to ask the question eventually, and each second that they’re alone makes you feel guiltier and guiltier. You were already soft while pregnant, and ever since you’ve had Seiji, you’ve become completely weak. You can’t help but have a guilty conscience when you know that two kids are alone in such a dangerous world, and you have the possibility to protect them.

“That’s something we should discuss further.” Satoru mutters, but you’re not really listening.

“We have a spare room that you can take– You two would share rooms for a bit though.” You tell them, completely disregarding Satoru but they’re not sure how to respond. Of course they want to move in but… They’re just speechless. “You can take your time deciding, that room is always available.”

Seiji begins to cry, and you know better than anyone what it means. You pick him up from Satoru’s arms and you go to the nursery to feed him. It’s exhausting to do this every three hours– Satoru has tried to help with leftover breastmilk, but Seiji won’t latch on unless it’s direct from the source. 

You might be extremely tired, but he’s just so perfect. You love him more than anything and you’ll do anything for him. Your solo moment with your baby doesn’t last long though, Satoru doesn’t waste time joining you two.

“The kids are joining us. They’ll move in next week.” Satoru informs you. He watches your baby, which is kind of awkward, but you don’t say anything. He kisses the top of your head, and you smile at him. “Thank you.”

“For what?” You ask.

“For him. He’s so perfect.”

[royaltozaki]

could you love me while i hate myself?

synopsis: y/n, nayeon, momo, and sana are in a polyamorous relationship. momo walks in on y/n self-harming for the first time in 7 months. they all try and talk and work through this together.

warnings: we got depression, suicidal ideation, self-harm (cutting), blood, sexual references, cursing - also this is poly!namosa if ur not into that but i love getting comfort from everyone i love so

w/c: 6.9k

a/n: sooo i wrote this in a day bcs im utilising my #depression as inspiration and lwk we love writing as a coping mechanism - i’m so fine tho i just need my meds to start working again LMAO and they will vvvv soon trust - but in the meantime i can pump out the sad stuff hehe! lwk forgot abt boo and dobby until like halfway thru writing this IM SO SORRY #fakefan and i wasn't bothered to write them back in so they js don't exist here oops!

⸸

fuck. fuck fuck fuck. the thoughts were coming. you wake up hazily, dream forgotten, arms wrapped around nayeon, legs entangled with the three people you loved most in the world. you don't deserve them. shut up!

you shut your eyes, trying to will away the thoughts. they were always there, always in the back of your head, always nagging, telling you that you didn't deserve to live, that you were a worthless piece of flesh born only to cause others suffering, or born with no purpose at all. there's no point to it all. just die. they'd be better off without you. they'd be happier without you.

you feel tears prick the corners of your eyes. it was so loud. you needed them to be quiet. to return to the depths of your mind. you curl in closer to nayeon, trying to breathe in the scent of her to distract you, feeling sana's breath on your hand, listening to momo's soft snores, they were the only thing grounding you. they pity you. that's why they've stuck around for so long. they know if they left you you'd break. they don't love you. it's pity. they'd be happier together. just the three of them. they didn't need you. you needed them. you were a burden to them. you need to leave so they can be happy. you want the best for them don't you? SHUT UP.

you couldn't take it anymore, you slowly unwrap yourself from your girlfriends. slipping your arms from around nayeon's waist and pulling your legs away from the mess of limbs. you look back at them, sleeping peacefully, watch their chests rise up and down with each breath, it's bittersweet. you had so much love for them. you turn around again and slip out the door, closing it softly behind you.

you pad softly towards the bathroom, entering it quietly and sighing, looking at yourself in the mirror. dark circles under red eyes, messy hair, disgusting. look at you. how could anyone love you? the thoughts were louder in the bathroom. almost echoing off crisp white walls. your grip on the sink tightens, you tear your gaze away from the mirror, letting your tears fall into the sink silently. why did i have be born like this? born like this? honey you're not different. everyone else is able to cope fine with trauma, with all the shit that happens in the world. you're just weak. weak, crying little bitch who can't deal with a couple sad emotions. don't think you're special. you're not. why can't i feel normal? you're not normal. you never will be. you'll always be that weird kid on the playground that no one wants to play with. grow up and get used to it already. why won't you leave me alone? i can't leave you alone. i am you. you are me. we're stuck together.

your head's splitting, you don't even realise you're crouched in on yourself now. hands gripping your head, nails digging into your scalp, anything to try and stop thinking. you wish you could just go back to sleep. sleep was easy. you didn't have to think when you were asleep.

that's right. sleep. sleep forever. run away from your problems. that's all you'll ever be good at right? running away. you ran away from your parents when they found out you were dating not one, not two, but three girls! whore! you left your brother and sister with them. they probably got the brunt of their anger. or maybe not. maybe they hate you too for being a fucking disappointment. it doesn't matter. they don't care about you. you left them. now leave your girlfriends. it'll be easier. leave. leave. run. do it.

your lip is trapped between your teeth. you're biting down so hard it draws blood. you're rocking yourself on the floor of the bathroom. pathetic. all you do is cry. grow up already. you can't take it. it was too much. you needed- needed-

you're reaching for the loose tile you know is second from the towel rack, opening it and finding your stash of emergency goods. you had meant to throw it away you just kept avoiding it and now... well you needed it now.

you take out a scalpel, go into the old routine of cleaning it down with an alcohol wipe, the motions that are familiar to you helping you drown out the thoughts already. they're still there though. they were always there. you'd be lonely without us wouldn't you? you actually enjoy being mentally ill don't you? take some sort of sick pleasure in it? is it comforting? it's easy to fall back into old habits isn't it?

once it's clean, you can see clearly again. you remove your pants, spreading your legs and look down at the scars that decorate the insides of your thighs. you take a breath, clearing your head as best you can, and bring the tip of the scalpel to start a new line.

the immediate relief when the blade enters your skin and you watch the scarlet liquid pour out of you is incredible. you're like an addict, drinking in the pain and using it to clear your mind. suddenly, the only sound you hear is the quiet of the bathroom and your own shallow breathing. you've never felt more at peace.

but it's only temporary. like everything is only temporary. seriously? this again? is this the best you can do to try and get rid of me? we talked about this you idiot. you're never getting rid of me. because we're the same. you just made yourself even uglier. congrats. good luck getting your girlfriends to ever touch you again after they see those.

fucking hell. you can't help it when your hands move to the start again, just under the new line you've created. you're about to push in again when you hear a gasp.

you look up in alarm, bloody scalpel in your hand, fresh cut on your thigh.

"m-momo."

"y/n- what-"

"it's not what it looks like i swear- fuck- oh my god- mo- please-" you're scrambling, trying to pull up your pants and cover yourself, dropping the scalpel onto the floor with a clang.

she's on you in seconds.

"no no sweetie it's okay i'm not- it's okay it's okay-" she's pulling you into a hug, and you start sobbing.

you're burrowing your head into her neck, sniffling and crying, she wasn't meant to find out. they were never meant to find out. now you've done it. good luck keeping them now. no way they're going to stay with you after this. better breathe her in while you can because she won't be yours in the morning.

you're squeezing her tight, crying and blabbering into her and she lets you. hushing and brushing through your hair, pressing light kisses along your forehead.

when she starts to pull away you panic, shaking your head against her, terrified she's leaving you and this is it.

"no sweetie i'm not going anywhere. i promise. we just gotta clean you up okay?"

she pulls away from you gently, opening the cabinets next to the sink to grab the first aid kit and comes down to sit next to you.

you're sobs have ceded but you can't bear to look at her, staring down at the ugly scars on your legs.

"can i?" momo makes a gesture towards your legs and you shrug, moving closer to her so she can work.

she's quiet when she cleans the wound, focused.

you idiot you stupid fucking idiot. she hates you she thinks you're so gross and-

"do the others know?"

you don't trust your voice to speak so you shake your head.

"is this why you never let us touch you?"

you blush bright red, gripping the bottom of your shirt.

"you know we wouldn't have judged right?"

the tears are coming back, you feel them building up in your neck again, clogging it up, choking you.

"i'm sorry if we made you feel like we would have." momo's voice breaks then, and you look up. momo wasn't one to cry. sana tended to be the more emotional one, nayeon and momo cried too, just less often and definitely more private, momo just took a little longer to come to conclusions sometimes.

"y-you didn't." your voice is croaky when you speak up.

she sniffles a little, finishing cleaning and grabbing the bandages.

"a-are you mad?"

she sighs. "not mad. just... confused."

"i-i- i'm sorry. i'm sorry i didn't tell you guys i didn't- i thought you would think- i thought you might leave or think i'm too much or i don't know i-"

she finishes wrapping the bandage around your thighs, looking up at you then, her eyes shiny. "i could never leave you y/n. i love you. all of you. you, nayeon, and sana are my family."

you're crying again now, hands coming up to wipe at your tears. she gently helps you put your pants back on then pulls you into another hug, breathing shakily as she lets herself cry as well.

you cling onto her shirt, the confirmation that she was still here and she still loved you grounded you.

you both sit on the bathroom floor there, tightly wound around each other. you memorise the way her breathing comes in and out, focusing on the little hiccups, every single movement. it was quiet.

she pulls away from you, hands coming up to cup your cheeks, thumbs swiping along them. "do you want to talk about it?"

you shake your head.

"do you want to come back to bed then?"

you think a little, "i might sleep in the guest room tonight. i don't really... it's not that i don't want to sleep with you guys, i just-"

"is it okay if i join you in the guest room then?"

you look surprised, "why?"

"it's okay if you don't want me to. i just want to be with you if that's okay. to make sure you're safe for one, but also just because..." she sniffs, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear gently, "i love you and i want to make sure you sleep well."

the tears well up again. "of course. it's not you i just- i don't want sana and nayeon to find out like this."

momo nods, pressing a gentle kiss onto your nose, "i understand. do you want anything before bed? water? a snack?"

you smile tiredly against her, still in a sort of disbelief she was still here. "i'm okay. let's go to bed."

momo nods again, standing up and pulling you with her, but she stops again suddenly, looking down, "does it hurt?"

you wince, "not really. i mean the point is kinda for it to hurt." your eyes widen when momo frowns, "but it doesn't! not anymore i mean. i kinda got used to it." her frown deepens, "i mean no not like that! like- well yes- but-"

"it's okay y/n. i want to know these things. if you're okay with sharing them." she's sincere when she looks at you, and then she's pulling you along towards the guest room. your heart drops a little when you pass by the master bedroom, thinking of nayeon and sana sleeping peacefully inside, wrapped around each other blissfully unaware, but momo squeezes your hand and you look back towards her, following her into the guest room.

she turns on the lamp light and starts removing all the extra pillows and everything that were only really there for decoration. once she's done, she starts ushering you into bed and you laugh a little at her earnestness, "you don't have to treat me any different momo. i'm still the same person."

she frowns, climbing into bed after you, "i just found out about a massive part of your life that you've been hiding from us. you're not the same person to me. not when i've only known half of you."

you still at that, unable to look her in the eye as she fumbles around with the blanket, covering both of you and then sliding an arm over your side.

"i'm sorry." you whisper once she's turned off the light and snuggled in close to you.

she takes a breath, "you don’t have to be sorry. i'm here now. i'm sorry it took me so long. but i'm here now. and i'm not leaving."

"even if i'm not the same person to you anymore?"

she finds your eyes in the darkness, "y/n i didn't mean it like that. i fell in love with half of you. i just found out there's another half that i can also love now. you're the same person, you just have more to you than we knew. and i want to know more about that so i can be a better girlfriend for you."

"you already are a great girlfriend."

she sighs, a hand trailing down your back, drawing random shapes, you curl in closer to her.

"i wanted to throw it all away. i wanted to tell you all. i just-"

she hums, letting you think out your words, continuing to trace patterns into your back, eyes locked on yours.

"it was hard. and i didn't think i'd need to say anything because i was doing good. i hadn't done it in so long. i don't know why today i just- i lost control again."

"y'know nayeon would say just because you haven't done it in so long doesn't mean you were better. it just means you stopped thinking about it but that didn't get rid of the problem. which is why eventually the problem came back."

you smile at her, poking her cheek, "you've been hanging out too much with nayeon."

momo whines, "we're girlfriends! of course i hang out with her!"

"you're right though. i'm sorry. i stopped cutting when we all started dating. i think i got swept up in all the excitement and the love but once the novelty wore off and i grew more comfortable with being in a relationship with all of you, some of the bad thoughts started to come back."

"what sort of bad thoughts?"

"...like that i'm not good enough for you- or that the three of you would be happier without me, or that i don't want to... that i didn’t deserve to live or that it’d be better if i wasn’t- y’know… alive-"

you can see the shine in momo's eyes and feel your own start to well up again while you talk. she lets you speak though, just lays there, stroking your back softly while listening to you.

when you're finished its quiet save for the occasional sniffle from either of you.

"do you still think that? that you're not good enough for us?"

you hum contemplating whether to be honest or to try not to hurt her, you decide you’ve hurt her enough and it was time to be honest, she was still here after all, she wasn’t going to leave you, "...yeah."

she's pressing her lips gently against yours, barely there, almost as if she's asking permission, and you press against her softly back to say yes. you can taste the salt of her tears in the kiss, its short, reassuring. you break away with a tender smile.

"i can't speak for the others. but i don't think we could work if we weren't the four of us. you know that sana and i tried to date when we were younger right? and it didn't work out? because we always felt like there was something missing. but once we all got together, it feels right to love each other like this. i think it'd be the same if you left. i think it'd feel like something was missing and i wouldn't be able to stay either. i'm not saying that to pressure you into staying like a 'if you leave i leave' kinda thing. i'm just saying that you are needed in this relationship and i don't think we would be happier without you, i don't even think we'd work without you, without any one of us."

god you didn't deserve her. you loved her so much.

"and the other stuff... we don't have to talk about that now but... if you're open to it in the future, i want to help you find some outside help if that's okay? you don't have to answer me now, just think about it, because i want to help, but i don't think we can do this alone."

you nod, lips quivering while she smiles at you, noses touching.

"thank you momo."

"of course sweetie. i love you."

"i love you too. so much."

she pecks you again, then places your hand over her chest, and you can feel the calm thumps of her heart.

she closes her eyes, lips only centimetres apart, you follow her lead, focusing on the feeling of her heartbeat rather than the thoughts, letting that fill your head, and slowly, you drift back into sleep.

⸸

you wake up with a dull sting on the inside of your thighs. you curse internally when you realise that it was because you had self-harmed for the first time in months. but then you feel a familiar hand tracing lines down your back, and the smell of soft peaches and you recall that momo had found you cutting yourself. but the way she's tracing your back means she's still here and she hasn't left and that you're still okay.

momo realises you're awake, moving her hand to your hair and brushing the pieces that have fallen over your face. "hi sweetie."

"mm morning. what time is it?"

she giggles a little, "its 5pm actually. i didn't want to wake you. nayeon and sana should be back home soon."

you startle, "what?! 5pm?! where did they go? did they-"

"shh shh no it's okay. i woke up early and made everyone breakfast. when they came in they asked where you were. i told them you slept in the guest bedroom because you weren't feeling well. they wanted to see you but i told them to let you rest. i don't think you should hide this from them for much longer though y/n."

you sigh, relaxing back into her embrace, "i know. i'll tell them when they get back." you can feel the anxiety beginning to chip away at you as soon as the words leave your mouth. you'd thought about it before in the past, about how they'd react. on the worst end of the spectrum, they'd leave you, thankfully momo hasn't done that yet. and realistically you don't think nayeon and sana will either. but there was always that fear in the back of your head. it was more likely that sana would feel hurt and start crying and nayeon would get angry that you didn't trust them with the information. both of which you didn't really want to deal with because you didn't want to cause any of them any negative emotions. but if you didn't tell them, it would mean forcing momo to keep a secret for you and have her constantly go around on tip-toes while worrying over you. it wouldn't be fair and you’d essentially be self-sabotaging your own relationship.

momo breaks you out of your thoughts when she uses her hand to rap lightly against your forehead, "what's going on in there sweetie?"

you shake her off giggling and she smiles, "nothing i'm just thinking about how to tell them is all."

"do you want me to be there?"

you look up at her, her eyes are sincere and caring, you could stare into them for the rest of your life, "yes please, if that's okay with you."

momo squeezes you against her even tighter, planting a kiss on your forehead and murmuring against it, "of course it's okay with me. i'd love to be there."

you smile against her, reminded of your eternal gratefulness and love you have for her, before your stomach starts to growl and you pull away embarrassed while momo starts to laugh that adorable, contagious laugh of hers.

you whine, climbing out of bed as she toddles along behind you, still laughing when you enter the bathroom.

you pick up your toothbrush and start to brush your teeth when you notice that the bathroom's been cleaned up since last night. there's no more blood on the floor and you look briefly over at momo who's standing on that tile looking at you carefully, the hint of a laugh still on her face.

"youscdonthaftawatchmeyknow."

she giggles when some toothpaste dribbles out of your mouth, tilting her head indicating she didn't catch what you said.

you spit out the toothpaste and repeat yourself, "you don't have to watch me y'know."

"i know."

you squeeze some of your facial wash into your hand, staring at her in the mirror when she doesn't move, still looking at your reflection with a gentle smile.

you shrug, closing your eyes and beginning to wash your face. you go through all the motions of your morning routine, and when you finish up and turn around to wipe your hands on the hand towel, she's still standing there watching you.

you clear your throat, leaving the bathroom and moving towards the kitchen. you hear her footsteps padding along behind you.

she overtakes you once you reach the kitchen, going towards the fridge and pulling out a few things. you sit at the kitchen benchtop and watch her reheat a few dishes that she must have made for breakfast and lunch.

"where did nayeon and sana go?"

"to the shops. we were meant to go check out that new bakery together in the city but i figured may as well let you rest, we can go another day."

"oh crap i'm so sorry i forgot! i would've woken up i'm so sorry-"

"it's okay sweetie don't worry. they were both fine to reschedule, they were more concerned about you than missing out on the bakery."

"why didn't you go out shopping with them?"

"i wanted to stay home with you."

"i was asleep."

momo hums, taking the food out of the microwave, "i didn't mind. here." she sets a bowl of sundubu jjigae in front of you and then goes to scoop out a bowl of rice from the rice cooker as well. you spent a lot of the last 24 hours crying but you can't help the tears that well up in you again at the smell. this was one of the first dishes momo made for the four of you when you moved in together.

"do you want me to feed you?" momo's joking as she slides the bowl of rice over, but when you look up at her and she realises you're crying she quickly panics, "i mean i can! if you want!" she's frantically rummaging for a spoon and scooping out some rice and stew and holding it out to you.

you laugh, wiping at your eyes with your sleeve, adoring the way she tilts her head like a confused puppy in bewilderment, a small pout appearing on her lips.

you lean up and take the spoonful into your mouth, chewing and swallowing before leaning across to peck her on the lips. "i just love you is all you idiot."

momo blushes and you take the chance to grab the spoon from her and start eating the meal yourself.

she pouts and is about to whine when you both hear the door open, the telltale sign of keys jangling and the happy chattering of your other two favourite people in the world.

"momo! we got that ice cream y/n likes but i still don't think it's a good idea for her to eat it if she's sick!" nayeon's yelling from the door, probably taking off her shoes and you can hear a short squeal and something crash followed by laughter and you know sana has probably knocked something down or fallen over.

you raise your eyebrows at momo who shrugs and grins sheepishly, grabbing nayeon and sana's mugs and filling them with water.

when they come into the kitchen all loud and giggles its a sight for sore eyes. nayeon's kissing momo hello and setting the bags of shopping they have down. sana rounds the corner with more bags and that infectious smile. you loved all of them so much.

nayeon spots you first, frowning and walking over to you immediately, placing the back of her hand on your forehead. "hey baby, sorry to hear you weren't feeling well last night. are you feeling better now?"

you blush, nodding your head, your mouth still full of food.

sana's next to bound over to you once she's kissed momo in greeting as well, wrapping her arms around your shoulders and kissing the top of your head, "we missed you today. i got you this top i think would be really cute on you though! and momoring we also got you one of those draw-on shirts but we thought we could turn it into a date or something so we have four!" she's rummaging through her bags, producing items of clothing and talking about each one with her endless energy.

you swallow your food and look up at nayeon who has a fond smile on her face while watching sana, when she notices you looking at her she smiles and leans down to brush her lips against yours.

"wait... you're not sick with anything contagious are you...?"

"what if i was?"

she's squealing, running behind the counter before momo laughs and hands her the mug of water she filled and urging her to drink it. she also passes sana her mug who kisses her again in thanks.

you hum in content, happy to be around the people you loved most. its almost as if... they'll leave you. you don't deserve them. this is all temporary. don't get comfortable. you clench your spoon a little tighter, trying to will away the thoughts as you shove another spoonful into your mouth, focusing on the taste and the love behind the person who made it for you.

"-and i almost fell into the fountain and she just stood there and laughed at me!"

look at them enjoying themselves. you’re the odd one out. the one who’s about to break everyone’s happy mood.

you can make out nayeon's cackle, "in my defense! it was pretty funny! you had all your bags and everything and you threw your phone at that little boy!"

"wait sana you did what?"

you should just leave. leave them. look how happy they are without you. all you bring is sadness and anger. you can’t give them anything they’d want. what could you offer them?

"momoringg!! don't join her in this! he pushed me!"

"yeah because you were trying to steal his girlfriend!"

useless. hopeless. there’s nothing you can do. you can’t get anything right. not your job, not your friends, they’ll realise soon enough you know? that they’re better than you. that they’re too good for you. then it’ll be them leaving you. do it first before they realise that and break your heart.

"i was not!"

"that definitely sounds like you actually."

"y/n! you're on my side right?"

you look up in a daze, confused at what the context of the conversation was. "sorry?"

momo's frowning, trying to meet your eyes but you avoid her, looking at sana who's pouting, "were you listening? are you okay y/n?"

"y-yeah sorry i was just- just thinking about something. can you tell me the story again?"

suddenly sana's all in your space, basically climbing into your lap and cupping your cheeks with her hands, squinting at you. "what were you thinking about?"

you blush immediately, "oh y-y'know, just work."

"work's more important than me?"

"no sana i didn't mean it like that i'm sorry. of course work isn’t more important than you. can you tell me the story again? i'll listen this time i promise."

sana hums, nudging her nose against yours gently, "i'll tell you if you tell me the truth."

"what truth?" you feign indifference.

you can tell nayeon is looking at momo, asking for an explanation with her eyes but momo shrugs, turning away and going towards the sink to do the dishes.

"we've been together for 7 months y/n. and i've known you for much longer than that. i can tell when you're lying honey."

you gulp, clutching the spoon tighter with your hands when you feel someone else, nayeon, unwrap your fingers gently and take the spoon away, interlocking your fingers with hers instead.

you stand up quickly, unable to be interrogated at such close distance anymore. sana looks a little hurt when you do, pouting but letting you go. you look at nayeon who's eyeing you with a concerned curiosity. momo still has her back to all of you with the tap on but you can tell her shoulders are tense.

you rub the back of your neck in nervousness, avoiding all of their gazes. "u-um... i actually kinda... have something i needed to talk to you all about..."

you can feel the anxiety ramping up, the adrenaline and urge to run away pumping through you, your palms beginning to sweat.

momo saves you when she turns off the tap and wipes her hands clean, "let's all go to the living room and have some ice cream and we can talk about it yeah?"

you smile at her gratefully and she returns it, grabbing the ice cream nayeon and sana just brought back and a few spoons and bowls.

nayeon and sana exchange looks of confusion but help momo bring the utensils over and eventually you're all sitting on your couch in the living room with the television on for some background noise so it wasn't too awkward.

you fiddle with your hands, not looking at any of them while the random sitcom you have plays in the background. momo notices and grabs a hand, intertwining your fingers and squeezing gently, reassuring you that she was there.

you take a breath, clearing your throat and looking up at nayeon and sana.

"so i- um- i don't really know how to say this-"

"it's okay baby take your time. it's just us right?"

"yeah we're not going to judge you honey. we're here for you whatever this is okay?"

you take a shaky breath in, mumbling incoherently to yourself before deciding, "u-um it's probably a bit easier to s-show you." you let go of momo's hand and start to undo the tie at your pants.

"um... y/n if all you wanted was sex i think there were other ways to-" momo slaps nayeon who yelps, rubbing her arm where she was hit mumbling a "what?" but momo shushes her and gestures back to you.

you stand up and drop your pants, immediately feeling the cool breeze against your naked legs, shivering a little and fighting the urge to cover yourself. you stare down at your feet when you hear the little gasps. you decide to start talking, refusing to look up, "i'm sorry i made momo lie to you. i wasn't sick last night. i woke up and started thinking some… not so great things and i needed it to stop so i- um- i went to the bathroom where i hid some of my old stuff and i um- well-“ you awkwardly gesture at your thighs before continuing, “momo woke up and found me after the first cut. i would’ve kept going if she didn’t find me. she helped me clean up and bandage it and then i asked to sleep in the guest room because i didn’t want to um- i wasn’t ready to uh- to tell you guys yet- i’m sorry for keeping this from all of you for so long.“

when you’re done, you risk a glance up, and find the three loves of your life, tears running down their faces.

sana’s the first to move, she gets up and practically jumps over to you, but she stops short right before you touch, “c-can i- c-can i hug you?”

you smile at her, feeling your own tears well up at the sight of your three girlfriends crying. “of course darling. i’m still the same. i still love cuddling with you.”

she doesn’t give you a second thought and buries her head into your neck, wrapping her arms around your waist. you realise you’re still standing in the middle of the living room with your pants down which is a little absurd but you wrap your arms around her, sagging into her a little when she squeezes. you can feel her soft crying and the tears wet your neck.

nayeon stands and comes around as well, a little hesitant but you look at her and offer a wet smile and she breaks, enveloping the both of you in her arms as well with a muted sob. momo joins in as well because of course she does, you look at her gratefully as she sniffles, fiddling a little with her fingers before coming around behind you and moulding herself to your back, hands coming around your waist and holding onto sana’s hands, giving them a squeeze for reassurance as well.

you're surrounded with all the love you wanted. so why do you still want to die? you don't listen to that voice, pushing it down and trying to stay in the moment. eventually, someone breaks away, and you awkwardly shuffle your pants back on, glad to be able to cover up your scars.

nayeon speaks up first, a hand still holding yours, squeezing gently, "how long have you been... y'know-"

"since before i met you. the thoughts started getting really bad when i was still in high school. and all the pressure with doing well and all the extra curriculars i was picking up, it just got too much. the only thing that worked was the pain. it got me through high school, and i started to rely on it. but then... the first time i slept with someone... she was appalled. i had almost forgotten the scars were there until my pants were off. she got scared off and i told myself i wouldn't let anyone else see this side of me."

"baby..."

"it's okay. it got better after i met you guys. and when we all started dating i stopped. i felt happy." you smile up at your girlfriends, tears still streaming down your face, "being with all of you made me forget those things. but they came back. and worse this time because- because i have so much more to lose now. i can't- i can't lose you-" you can't control the sobs when you break down again. pathetic.

the girls are surrounding you instantly, whispering reassurances, brushing through your hair, tracing shapes into your skin, you try and focus on your bodily sensations rather than your internalisations, try and focus on them.

"we'd never leave you honey... we're not complete without you, you believe me right?" sana's tilting your face up to meet hers, her eyes are watery, nose red.

"i'm trying to believe you."

she places her forehead against yours and closes her eyes, sighing slightly, "i'm going to tell you that everyday from now. that i love you and that i'm not going anywhere. until you believe me." she smiles and tries for a joke, "you're going to have to deal with clingy me for the rest of your life."

you let out a broken laugh, kissing her sweetly. "i love when you're clingy anyway."

she laughs as well, wiping at her nose.

you peek at nayeon. you know she has more questions, the frown on her face and the little pout she has breaks your heart. you reach a hand out to her, she takes it after some consideration, and you pull her into your lap.

"you can ask anything. there's nothing off limits. i'll try answer everything i can and i promise i'll be honest with everything. that goes for the both of you as well." you look over at sana who's moved to your side to allow for nayeon to sit on your lap, she's got a hand on the eldest's waist, playing with her shirt, her other hand on your shoulder.

momo moves to your other side, lifting nayeon's legs and placing them on her own, tracing her calves and brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear.

nayeon's biting her lip, you focus on the small mole under her left eyebrow.

"w-why didn't you tell us?"

you sigh, "i didn't really think i needed to at first. because i hadn't done it in so long. i thought i was better."

"is it because you thought you couldn't trust us?"

"no baby that's not it."

"why did you keep your old stuff hidden then? when we moved in together? a part of you must have thought you weren't entirely better."

you bring a hand up to caress her cheek, she leans into the touch. "you're right. i'm sorry."

"is it still here?"

you look towards momo for an answer and she nods, "i didn't want to throw everything away. i wanted you to make that decision on your own. i thought that if we forcefully got rid of your things you might just try and hide it from us the next time the feelings come up. it's there but i... i don't really like the idea of leaving you alone y/n..."

nayeon's squeezing one of momo's hands, "pretty baby's so smart. i'm thankful you found her momo."

you nod in agreement, "is that why you kept following me around?"

momo nods shyly, her eyes still wet.

"i'm okay with that. i don't- i don't really trust myself right now either. i think it'd be good if someone was with me. if that wasn't... a burden or anything of course..."

sana jumps in, "honey no. you're not a burden. i hope you don't think that about yourself. i love taking care of you. i'd love being able to be there for you while you get better."

you smile at her gratefully.

"what are some of the bad thoughts you have baby?" nayeon's bringing your attention back to her, you can tell she's struggling to formulate these questions. but you're glad that she's asking them.

"a lot of it is about you guys. because you're all the reason i'm still here today."

"what about us? what can we do sweetie?"

you shake your head, looking down at your hands which are quickly taken ahold of by momo and sana. "i guess it comes down to... wondering if you can still love me while i hate myself." your grip tightens around their hands.

"you hate yourself?" nayeon's voice is shaky now, she's trying her best to hold back her emotions, wanting to find out everything she can do for you.

you nod, tears dropping onto her pants.

"there's this song. i think- i think it might be easier to play that for you guys if that's okay? i'm not really- i don't really know how to talk about this..."

they nod and quickly try and find your phone. momo finds it and hands it over to you. you quickly unlock it and search for the song you're looking for. could you love me while i hate myself - zeph.

you press play, clicking into the lyrics and staring at them to avoid looking at your girlfriend's reactions. it's a short song.

could you love me while i hate myself?

could you love me though i don't deserve it?

could you love me like there's no one else

even though you know i can't return it?

could you love me when the water's rough?

or when i leave you in a desert?

could you love me, though i speak with knives?

knowing all to well that you'll get hurt

if you can't answer 'yes' just go

i'm more trouble than i'm worth

could you love me while i hate myself?

because i don't know how this works

i never learned how this works

when it ends, you awkwardly tap out of your app, putting your phone down.

"thank you for sharing that baby."

you hum.

nayeon takes a shaky breath in, then quietly asks, "is it okay if i sing for you?"

you're surprised, looking up at her, her eyes are red. you nod.

she closes her eyes, humming a note to start, taking a breath in again and steadying her voice.

i'll love you while you hate yourself

i'll love you because you deserve it

i'll love you like i love us together

until you're ready to return it

i'll love you when things get rough

no matter where you leave us

i'll love you even when you're

working out all your thoughts

i'll get hurt if it means

some of your pain comes onto me

i'll love you while you hate yourself

and we'll figure out how it works

together we'll learn to get better

when she finishes and opens her eyes, you're sniffling again, tears streaming out of your eyes.

sana's the first to speak up, bringing her hands up to wipe at the tears on nayeon's cheeks, "our little musical genius. of course you came up with a response exactly on pitch after listening to a song once."

nayeon lets out a broken laugh, leaning into sana's touch.

you meet her eyes, a bright smile gracing your face, and you probably look a little silly, wet cheeks and red nosed with tears still dripping out of you, but nayeon laughs again in relief, coming in and kissing you.

you kiss her back gratefully, trying to convey how much you loved her in your action. you can feel sana's hand on your arm and momo's fingers in your hair. you loved them.

the thoughts are still there. you think they’ll always be there. but you don’t have to take them on on your own anymore. it would take time, but the people you loved were going to help you through it. you needed to put some trust in them as well, trust that they wouldn't leave, trust that they loved you just as you loved them, you wanted to get better, for them and for yourself, you believed you could get better with their help, for now, that was enough.

⸸

an extra a/n bcs its important: hi! i recognise that all experiences are unique so i just wanted to say the descriptions here aren’t meant to be generalised and i didn’t intend to write any stereotypes or misconceptions and i apologise if i have - i try to draw upon my own experiences to be able to write - in saying that i hope that anyone who feels they relate to similar themes etc seeks the help they need from professional sources - my dms are open ofc but i am not a professional and it is best to speak to someone who can help you in real time and in physicality. stay safe love y’all practice some self care today if u get the chance! <3

[spacebarbarianweird]

Memories of Innocence

Synopsis: Astarion sees snippets of his own past through the reverie.

Tags: comfort, dadstarion, dhampirs, reverie, Astarion's memories

Alethaine's age: 3 days

Thanks @themadlu for beta-reading!

Read on AO3

Masterlist

Headcanons

The newborn girl squeals demanding to be held and fed.

Astarion leans on the cradle where three-day-old Alethaine cries loudly stretching her arms and legs.

“So, what is it now?” Astarion smiles while taking a thick blanket to wrap around his daughter. He can’t allow her to feel cold—unfortunately, his vampire body isn’t really warm. “Your mother has just gone to sleep.”

Tiriel has been exhausted—first, labor and then a newborn who needs all her attention and also requires her body to survive. Astarion sees a weird irony in the fact that he first fed on Tiriel’s blood and now Alethaine feeds on Tiriel’s milk.

Astarion has been enjoying being a father so far. He loves being with the newborn all the time when Tiriel is asleep—and waking her up only for breastfeeding. He even likes the dirty side of having a child, and he is surprised at himself that it doesn’t annoy him.

It’s his child. His baby daughter.

Elves are so infertile every child is a blessing, and since the process is almost painless (well at least it’s a painless process for an elven mother—Astarion will never forget Tiriel’s cries). Usually, the birth of elves is welcomed by the whole community, and every member of said community wants to hold the newborn. And elves remember that moment even if their whole childhood is forgotten. 

Alethaine was welcomed to the world only by her parents and a halfling midwife. Will she remember her mother touching her ears, so different from her own? Or Astarion’s ugly crying?

Is she even an elf, after all, Astarion wonders.

Alethaine squeals again and Astarion carries her to the next room where, behind a shut door, Tiriel is fast asleep.

“Tiriel, love, I hate to wake you up, but she wants to eat.” Astarion enters the room and sits at the edge of the wooden bed.

Tiriel sighs, still half asleep, and takes Alethaine in her arms. Astarion is mesmerized by how Tiriel tugs the collar of her shirt freeing the swollen breast and puts Alethaine in front of it. How a nipple disappears in the baby’s mouth and how her ears start twitching with every suckling movement.

It’s the nineteenth time Astarion has seen it. 

And he wants to remember every one of these sessions.

“Are you tired?” Tiriel asks. Her eyes are half-open. “And when was the last time you ate?”

“My sweet, I can spend a few days without meditating and eating. I am a vampire-elf, after all,” he chuckles, but the next moment he realizes he actually wouldn’t mind to trance a bit.

Tiriel yawns. “Give me a couple of hours and I will take care of her,” Tiriel stretches her left hand to play with Astarion’s hair.

He closes his eyes concentrating on her touch. 

Sometimes he thinks that’s all an illusion. A cruel trick of his mind. He is still locked in the dungeon, or worse, buried alive in a tomb. But he opens his eyes and sees his beloved feeding their newborn child.

And they are both real.

“Do you think she is normal?” Astarion asks. “I mean… I don’t mind if she is a dhampir, not at all! But do you think she is a mortal like you?”

“Honestly as far as I'm concerned her current species is ‘baby’", Tiriel sounds exhausted. “I think we will know, sooner or later.”

Astarion leans to kiss Tiriel. She answers him with the same passion she has had for the last twenty years.  

He breaks up the kiss and pecks Tiriel’s cheek. 

“A couple more hours, all right?” she whispers.

Astarion nods and then picks up the blanket.

“Astarion, I understand it’s winter and she is a newborn, but don’t you think it’s too warm?” Tiril notices as Astarion wraps the baby.

“I am as cold as a dead man,” Astarion says. “I don’t want her to suffer in my hands.”

Tiriel nods as if suddenly remembering Astarion is a vampire. “If she falls asleep and you need to reverie, come to me. I suffer without your hands on me,” she smiles adjusting the shirt.

Astarion places the baby into the cradle in the other room. Alethaine stares at him with her eyes wide open. 

“I am very lucky,” he mutters. “You don’t understand it, but I am very lucky” he adds in elven.

He is lucky he was outside during the nauthiloid attack. He is lucky he was so paralyzed with fear he didn’t try to run away. He is lucky that the mindflayer, the Emperor, decided Tiriel could somehow benefit from carrying a tadpole in her head. 

He is lucky Tiriel didn’t push him away.

He is lucky they both survived. 

Astarion doesn’t believe in destiny, but it has been such a wild sequence of events leading to him standing in this nursery he finds it all unreal.

He notices stains on his once-white shirt, takes it off, and tosses it to the same pile of dirty fabric on the floor. Astarion will wash all these nappies and clothes later and, no, he isn’t going to let Tiriel do that.

Astarion sits on the floor, pressing his back against the wall. It seems like he can meditate to recover a bit. The last time he managed to do so was a few days earlier and it was interrupted by Tiriel’s muffled cry as she was pressing her hands to the belly. 

Alethaine starts squealing. Her little face is red and her toothless mouth is wide open.

“What is it now?” Astarion asks. It may be the first time he is really tired of hearing her screams. “You are fed and still pretty clean.”

Alethaine squeals again.

Astarion picks up the blanket to take the baby in his arms, but the moment the fur touches her she yells even louder.

“What do you want, Alethaine? You don't like the blanket? Too bad, I can’t hold you without it!”

Another scream. Gods, how is it even possible for such a small child to make such loud noises?!

“My hands are cold, princess. You won't like them. I am not warm like your mother.”

The girl stretches her arms to him. Astarion feels a wave of desperation—it’s just unfair to think about it. His life was taken away from him, his youth, his childhood memories, his family, and even his past lives, if elves are right about reincarnation.

And now he can’t even hold his own daughter.

“Princess, I am going to take you but don’t complain,” he lifts her tiny body and puts Alethaine on his own bare chest. “See? I am as cold as the grave I’ve dug myself out of.”

Alethaine stops crying.

Astarion stares at her in disbelief as the newborn buries her little face in his cold skin.

Alethaine smiles.

Astarion carefully sits back on the floor and takes the blanket to wrap himself. Alethaine is blissful and he concentrates on her heartbeat and breathing.

She is so warm.

“You… wanted me to hold you,” he whispers. “Without blankets or anything else?”

Astarion sniffs. This little bundle in his arms makes him…normal. What is more normal in this world than a father holding his newborn child? He was forced to do the most atrocious things, he had to crawl back from his own grave, and his body was used in the most disgusting ways…

And yet he is here.

In his own home far away from the Sword Coast. With the most amazing woman in the next room. With their child.

Alethaine is so delicate, so innocent… So small. 

“Well, it seems like you are finally asleep. Do you mind if I meditate?” He smiles, touching her baby hair.

He closes his eyes and lets the flow take him.

Astarion drifts in complete darkness. No, not this. Not the memories of being buried. He tries to run away from those memories but can’t. It's only a dream, he reminds himself. Whatever horrors he is going to witness it’s all in the past.

But why is it so dark?

Why does he feel so helpless?

He is still aware of his real surroundings and the tiny bundle in his own hands—but the weird memory takes a grip on his mind and he questions if he should have put Alethaine back in her bed.

The darkness shifts to light. Astarion can’t see anyone but he knows there are people around him. Quiet murmurs in elven reach to his ears forcing him to let out a cry.

Then a pair of hands take him and he hears a loud heartbeat. Long silver hair brushes his head and he sees the face of a tired elven woman whose smile is exhausted yet happy.

Tiriel looked similar three days ago.

“My little star,” the woman whispers to him.

The memory fades away. No more years to witness, no more light. Only darkness, misery, and cold—until he ends up in Tiriel’s arms that promise him safety and warmth.

“And you were afraid she wouldn’t want to be held by you.” He hears Tiriel’s voice as she kneels beside them, “I will take her, all right?”

Astarion, still half in his trance, lets her take the baby and Alethaine makes a disgruntled sound. “Oh, so now you like your dad more than me!” Tiriel laughs. “Was it all right? Your reverie?” 

Astarion finally returns to reality. Tiriel asks him that question any time she witnesses him waking up. Unless it’s obvious he’s seen something really bad and ends up crying in pain. 

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t?”

“I think I saw my mother,” Astarion finally confesses. “She was holding me like you are holding Alethaine right now.”

“Oh?” Tiriel touches his cheek. “I thought you didn’t remember anything”

“I still don’t. It’s like a glimpse.”

Tiriel tugs him, helping Astarion to stand up. “Do you think she is still alive? Your mother?”

“It doesn’t matter. I am a vampire, no one would want to have a vampire son.”

Tiriel nods—she knows when to stop asking. She knows when he feels uncomfortable and uneasy and never pushes his boundaries. And if she does, it’s by sheer accident.

“It’s already dark outside,” she notices. “You need to eat”

Hunger is too painful. Gods, he wishes he could feed on Tiriel—but they agreed he would return to his habits once she stops breastfeeding.

“If you go into the woods, kill something I can eat, too,” she asks. “I am fucking starving.”

“Of course,” Astarion puts on his winter shirt. “It seems like I am leaving the house as a father for the first time. I will be back soon, love,” he kisses her lips, and the moment he pulls away Tiriel points at their daughter. Astarion carefully plants a kiss on her forehead.

The winter night meets him with howling winds and piercing cold. Astarion is on a hunt, he is going to let his predatory nature take the lead once he is in the woods. He needs a lot of blood to compensate for the few days he spent with his wife and daughter, and when he returns to them his body will be temporarily hot.

Maybe it’s for the best that those who mattered to him when he was mortal think he is dead. There are three Astarions—a forever lost soul from Baldur’s Gate, a tortured spawn, and a free elf who fears nothing and no one, who has a home, who has people to love. It doesn’t matter what happened before he woke up on that spelljammer. 

Only what happens next. 

--

Tag list

@tugoslovenka @marcynomercy @wintersire @vixstarria @not-so-lost-after-all @ashiro20 @theearthsfinalconfession @herstxrgirl @starlight-ipomoea @micropoe10 @astarion-imagine-archive @veillsar @elora-the-slutty-songstress @fayeriess @lumienyx @tallymonster @caitlincat-95 @tragedybunny @valeprati @lynnlovesthestars @marina-and-the-memes @waking-electric @ayselluna @connorsui @asterordinary @darkarchangel96 @locallegume @brainfullofhotsauce @coffeeanddonutscafe @my-queen-rhaenyra-targaryen @queenofthespacesquids @ednaaa-04 @dajeong

[gvcci-bxby]

the arrangement (mini series) - chapter 3: complicated games

neteyam sully x omatikaya reader

word count: 5.3k

warnings: angst, light cursing, fluff, annoying bitch korra, probs misspellings lol

other chapters: chapter 1 chapter 2 chapter 4

tagslist: @bakugouswaif @erenjaegerwifee @rav3nh3aven

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

Neteyam paces in front of Lo’ak, Kiri and Tuk as they gathered in his room. The three siblings were surprised to have noticed Neteyam sneak out of their home, though they all agreed it must have been to see you. Lo’ak and Kiri convinced Tuk to not mention Neteyam’s absence as they were unsure how their parents would react to Neteyam breaking the rules. 

“Brother, I think you’re slightly overthinking things,” Kiri says, watching her brother walk back and forth. 

Neteyam weighed going back to your home to have you go to the gathering in front of his siblings. Neteyam surprised himself, once again, noticing he was thinking about how his actions would be perceived by you. Would it be weird? 

Lo’ak rolles his eyes, watching his brother’s tail flick in concern. “You should just go back and get her. Its obvious you guys are getting along really well, I doubt she’ll think it’s weird.” Lo’ak added, furthering Neteyam’s temptations to go back to you. “Imagine how she’d feel when she hears tomorrow that there was a party that you didn’t bring her too.” Lo’ak says, fully wishing this conversation was over. 

“I want to go to the party! A party sounds fun; we never have parties.” Tuk says, with a pout. 

Neteyam stops pacing, looking at his sibling. “You can’t come to this party Tuk. It’s for grownups only.” 

Tuk whines, as Kiri comforts her. “A party with Korra and her friends just sounds so incredibly fun,” Kiri said, sarcasm lacing every word. “Y/n will have the time of her life.” 

Neteyam sighs, looking at Kiri, “They aren’t all bad, Kiri.”

In response, Kiri only rolled her eyes. Neteyam had decided, he was going back to get you. He promised to himself that if you declined the invite he wouldn’t take it personally – although, he knew he would. 

 “If mom or dad wake up, cover for me, okay?” Neteyam says, as he stepped out the door. His siblings nodded, Tuk still pouting. 

Neteyam took big paces, reaching your window in minutes. Instead of throwing pebbles again, Neteyam calls out your name, hoping for a faster response. 

“Y/n,” Neteyam whispers. Before calling your name again, he waits a moment. You didn’t respond after several attempts to catch your attention, Neteyam concluded that you must have already been asleep. 

Neteyam eyes your window, calculating if he could fit through without bringing attention to his break-in attempt. Neteyam thought he might as well try; your window looked big enough. 

For the first time, Neteyam thanked his father for the brutal workouts he insisted on his son participating in, feeling like he was physical fit enough to make the significant leap to your window. Neteyam positions himself under your window and he jumped, swiftly grabbing onto your home to push himself up and into your room. He lands softly, his eyes adjusting to the dark. 

Off to his right, Neteyam sees you sleeping peacefully, your eyes are closed, your body curled on your side. He watched you for a moment, fighting the intense urge to climb into your bed beside you. Neteyam shook away the urge, re-focusing on what he came to do. He crouched beside your bed, noticing how his large stature dwarfed your bed into doll-size. 

Neteyam places his large hand on your bicep, softly shaking you awake. Your eyes flutter open, then widen at the sight of Neteyam in your room. With the back of your hand, you rubbed your eyes. Neteyam smiled smally, the sight of you waking up almost childlike. 

“Neteyam?” you say, your voice expressing confusion, “Long time, no see.” 

Neteyam laughs, amused by your humor so late at night. 

“I appreciate seeing you again but what are you doing in my room? And how did you get in here without my parents noticing?” you asked, suddenly realizing Neteyam’s proximity to your bed. You swallowed hard, noticing your urge to pull him into your bed. 

“I came through the window; I tried to get your attention, but I assumed you were sleeping.” Neteyam says, diverting his eyes to look around your room. He noticed your little decorations, the small gifts he had given you over the last few weeks. Neteyam smiled, liking the idea of you appreciating his gifts enough to keep them. “We got invited to a gathering and I wanted to see if you would come with me?” 

You frown, “We got invited to a gathering?”

Neteyam shrugged, “Korra invited us; I guess people see us as a pair now.” 

You nod slowly, wondering if you wanted to go. You were tired but exhilarated by the idea of being seen with Neteyam by others in the clan. You sat up, further waking yourself up. “Okay,” you said, “but let’s go out the front door instead.” 

Neteyam laughs, helping you out of your bed. Together, you snuck out of your room, tiptoeing as quietly as you could. Your noticed that you stopped breathing, scared that any sound would send your parents flying out of their room. However, you both made it out your front door, grabbing each other’s hand, running quickly from your home. You couldn’t help but squeal in excitement, the idea of sneaking out of your home again to go to a party with Neteyam exciting you to your core. 

Neteyam navigates you through the forest, seemingly knowing where to go to the party. You wondered who would be there, hoping there would be familiar faces. You acknowledge the risk, though, knowing that most of the Na’vi your age was home and not convening the forest in fear of the RDA. 

As you turn around a row of trees, you heard noise of laughter and youth gossiping. As you approached, Neteyam’s hand in yours, you noticed a group of Na’vi sitting around in a circle, a fire lit in the middle. 

Neteyam brushes branches out of your way, allowing you step into the clearing, the eyes of everyone landing on you and your future mate. Quickly, you took note of those at the gathering. 

Your breath hitches noticing the girls that were in front of you, all of them not friends of yours. Nalu, a girl you had heard whispering about their interactions with Neteyam, eyed you, her eyes flicking between you and Neteyam. A sick, uncomfortable, pit formed in your stomach, and you wished to turn around and go back home. Next to her, Korra, a girl you worked to avoid, stared at Neteyam who stood next to you. 

You were slightly irritated, wondering if Neteyam had considered how it would feel to be at a small gathering with girls who had been intimate with him and girls who were actively pursuing him, despite your arrangement. You felt your tail flick in aggravation, suddenly wishing you hadn’t joined Neteyam. ‘Would he go off with Nalu if I wasn’t here?’ you thought to yourself. 

Neteyam, not sensing your irritation, pulled you along, joining the rest of the group. He guided you over to two open seats on a fallen tree, placing you beside him. With ease, Neteyam engaged in conversations with the male Na’vi that approached him. Instantly, you felt out of place, your eyes shifting to the small groups of people that were talking with each other. 

Neteyam senses your feelings and pulled you closer to him, putting his arm around your waist. You, still irritated, couldn’t help but blush at the gesture. Neteyam made sure to include you in conversations, introducing you to several of his friends. While you knew who they were, children of top-ranking warriors within the clan, you had never directly interacted with them. They were all kind, strong Na’vi that would be Neteyam’s partners in fending off the RDA. 

Eventually, the conversations die down, revealing the hum of the wildlife that lived in the forest. Korra eyed Neteyam’s arm around your waist, wishing the days of you two hating each other still existed. Neteyam was hers, not yours, and she had finally found the opportunity to let you know that. 

“Well,” Korra says, clasping her hands together. “I propose a little game.” Korra looked over at Nalu, exchanging knowing glaces. 

“What’s the game?” An older, male Na’vi asked 

“Two truths and a lie,” Korra says, making eye-contact with you from across the fire. “It’s a simple game, I’ll say three statements and one of you has to guess which one is the lie. At’ok, why don’t you start and pick someone to guess?”

The male Na’vi that sat beside nods, scanning the group to pick someone. He leans across you, nudging Neteyam. “Neteyam, which one of these is a lie? I fly ikran the fastest out of our team, I’m allergic to spartan fruit, or you embarrassed the shit out of yourself in training last week.” The group laughed loudly, recalling the mistake Neteyam had made during training. 

“Sadly,” Neteyam says between laughs, “The lie is that you’re allergic to spartan fruit.” 

You laugh too, amused by Neteyam and his friends. The game continued on successfully, everyone enjoying the ability to be carefree and not think about chores, training, or responsibilities that awaited them once the sun woke up. Laughing was contagious among the group, and you started to loosen up, deciding to address Neteyam’s past later on. Little did you know, someone else had other plans. 

It was Korra’s turn, and her eyes laying right on you. “Y/n,” Korra says, sickly sweet smile on her lips. “Which is the lie? My favorite color is pink, I’m left-handed, or Nalu fucked your future mate?” 

Silence blanketed the group, surprised looks plastered on everyone’s face. You couldn’t take your eyes off of Korra, her motives of inviting you here now very clear. You are ashamed, although you hadn’t done anything wrong at all, and felt like shrinking into the forest. 

Beside you, Neteyam is in shock, utterly confused by Korra’s statement that he had any relations with Nalu such as intercourse. “Korra, what the hell are you talking about?” 

Korra’s demeanor changs, turning innocent right in front of everyone’s eyes. “What? I think it’s pretty clear which is the lie – I’m right-handed.” She said, holding her right hand up, wiggling her fingers. 

Neteyam blinks at Kora, then at Nalu, understanding that their efforts were to make you feel uncomfortable and out of place. Neteyam hoped, with all he had, that you hadn’t heard or believed the rumors girls created about him. But it was clear, that you did. 

You stand up abruptly, stepping over the fallen tree to leave the group. Neteyam stands up too, following you out. Your paces were large and fast, moving every ounce of energy to get yourself home as fast as possible. You don’t turn around once, despite Neteyam calling after you. 

Neteyam felt all the progress you and he had worked towards fall around him as he ran after you through the forest. The sun was starting to rise, the once black sky was now a deep blue, illuminating the forest around you. Your body and mind were tired, exhausted from getting no sleep. You felt your eyes burn, tears threatening to spill out. You felt like such a fool, feeling dread having to show your face around the village after Neteyam’s personal activities were spilled out to the other Na’vi. 

“Y/n,” Neteyam says, grabbing your bicep and spinning you around, “Can we please talk?” 

 You huff, bewildered by Neteyam’s audacity to attempt to repair what happened. “Talk about what, Neteyam? That you’ve been awfully public about your sexual activities with every Na’vi in this clan?” 

Neteyam flinches, surprised by your tone. “What? No, let me explain.” Neteyam feels a pang of disgust that girls would make up such vivid, detail lies about him and spread them around. 

You hold up your hand, turning away from Neteyam. “I don’t want to talk to you; it’s been a long night.” 

Neteyam closes his eyes wishing he could go back to standing in the river with you, holding you so close to him. He wished he had never gone back to get you to go to the gathering, hating himself for not recognizing that any invitation from Korra had her personal motives wrapped into it. 

“Y/n, come on.” Neteyam begs, following you to your home, “It’s not what you think.” 

You reached your home, neglecting to consider if your parents were awake. You walk up your front steps, half-turning around to glance at Neteyam. “You know Neteyam, I think the problem is that it’s exactly what I think.” And you opened your front door quickly and slammed it just as fast. 

Before your parents could enter the living room, you sought refuge in your room. You collapsed in your room, the tears finally spilling from your eyes. You felt so foolish, believing that you and Neteyam could work. Instead of re-living all the memories you had made over the last several weeks, including the visit to the river earlier that night, memories of Neteyam and his pranks filled your mind. You rolled over, the images of Neteyam being intimate with girls rolling around in your mind. 

You had been an exceptional person, refraining from being a troublemaker to be able to fulfill your Eywa-given duties. You had never taken it lightly, knowing only few are chosen by Eywa to be leaders of an entire village, an entire clan. You had remained innocent, whatever that meant means now, only flirting with others but nothing more. You had decided early on you would remain pure for your future mate, for Neteyam, as you watched your peers pair up, making love in the deepest parts of the forest. Because of your choices, you felt like an outcast, everyone always commenting on your innocent, rule following, nature. The whole time, Neteyam had been sleeping with others, forgetting the need to stay pure for each other. 

You sigh in attempt to release your pent-up emotions that weighed you down. Images flood your mind, damaging the belief that you would mate with someone for the first time, together. 

Your body is engulfed with sleep, no longer able to stay awake, your dreams flooded with clips of you and Neteyam, bodies close, lips hovering over each other’s.

Across the village, Neteyam felt like life was over. Lo’ak who had just woken up noticed his brother who had concern and angst written all over his body. 

“Bro?” Lo’ak says, looking at Neteyam who entered through the front door. “What’s wrong?” 

Before Neteyam could answer, Kiri bursts through the door, her eyes wild. 

“Brother, you truly fucked up.” Kiri says, shaking her head. 

“Where have you been?” Lo’ak says, turning to look at Kiri. “I woke up and you were gone.” 

“I have my own places to go and people to see.” Kiri said, a secretive tone lacing her words. “But boy, did I hear some interesting gossip. Told you y/n would have fun with Korra and her friends.” 

Lo’ak perks up, now curious. “What is she talking about, Neteyam.” 

Neteyam shakes his head, squeezing his eyes closed. “I don’t want to talk about it right now.” 

Kiri raises her eyebrows, “Is any of it true?” 

Lo’ak huffs, “Hello? Anyone want to fill me in?” 

Nonchalantly, Kiri says, “Korra made everyone play some stupid ass game where she aired out that Neteyam had sex with Nalu in front of y/n.”

Lo’aks mouth gapes open, his eyes wide with concern. Lo’ak always saw Neteyam as the perfect son, always following the rules. Hearing that his brother had relations with other girls when he was in an arranged mateship surprised him. 

Kiri crosses her arms, “So? Is it true?” 

Neteyam shakes his head, “No! None of it! Y/n won’t listen to me, I didn’t even get to explain to her that I didn’t do anything that Korra, Nalu, or any of these girls claiming to have slept with me are saying.” Neteyam feels defeat as he leans against the wall, realizing how bad this looks for you and him. 

“Well, you better figure it out because if mom or dad catch wind of what Korra said he’s going to skin you alive.” Lo’ak says, shifting in his seat. 

Neteyam’s skin crawls, forgetting how his dad has ears everywhere, knowing Jake will hear the rumors eventually. Nothing stays hidden in Pandora. 

Neteyam shakes his head, “I’ll figure something out.” 

Kiri sighs, shaking her head at her brother. Kiri saunters to her room, leaving Lo’ak and Neteyam together. 

“Where is dad?” Neteyam says, glancing at Lo’ak from his position on the floor. 

Lo’ak opens his mouth to answer but before he can speak, the kitchen door swings open hard, hitting the wall. Jake stands in the doorway, eyes searching for Neteyam. 

“You,” Jake says, pointing his finger at his oldest son. “Have a lot of explaining to do.” 

Lo’ak retreats to his room, too, glancing at his brother to offer him a sympathetic look. 

“For your sake, I hope to Eywa that these stories I’m hearing from your little jaunt into the forest, past curfew I may add, are bullshit.” Jake says, pulling a chair from the table and pointing at it, signaling to Neteyam to sit on it. 

“They are father,” Neteyam says simply. 

“Why would these girls make up rumors like that if they aren’t somewhat true.” Jake asks, cocking his head to the side. 

Neteyam shrugs, “I don’t know, sir. Korra has made it clear she likes me, and I guess she wanted to make y/n feel jealous.” 

Jake scoffs, shaking his head. “You know how important this arrangement is – to us, to y/n, to Eywa. You’ve been making such great progress with each other and now this happens?” 

Neteyam sighs, “I know, sir.” 

“So, it’s not true? What Korra said about you and Nalu?” Jake asks, hating to intrude on his grown son’s personal life.

Neteyam shakes his head, “None of it is true. I’ve been waiting for the ceremony, for y/n.” 

Jake lets out a breath of relief, “Good, son.” Jake contemplates telling his son the newest revelations on the ceremony but decides it was best to let him know now. “Bad timing to bring this up but your mother and I, and y/n’s parents, have decided to host the ceremony next week. The RDA has plans to invade the village soon and it’s important that the ceremony is done in case anything was to happen to your mother and I.” 

Neteyam looks up, surprised by how soon the ceremony is. He thought he’d at least have several more weeks or months. 

“-Which is why it’s essential for you to make things right with y/n.” Jake says, noticing his sons concerns. 

Neteyam nods, “I will, sir. I really like y/n.” 

Jake smiles, clasping his son’s shoulder. “You are great for each other. This is just something you both have to work through.” 

‘A week.’ Neteyam thinks to himself. ‘I’ll be officially mated in a week.’

Neteyam thought about his life up until now, still remembering his childhood. Life had seemed to go by so fast, the expectations of being a future leader aging him early. Now, in a week, he was going to be a husband, a mate, a partner. And you could barely look at him. 

After the conversation with Jake, Neteyam shrinks away to his room, unable to face the village that’s outside. Although the rumors were untrue, constructed by others, Neteyam felt guilt for your feelings being so low. All he wanted to do was hug you, place your small body between his arms and will you to feel happier. It had only been several hours, and he already missed you. 

Neteyam lays on his bead, staring at the ceiling, thinking of ways to get you to talk to him. He supposes he should leave you alone for now, letting you heal from the chaotic night. Eventually, Neteyam fell into a sleep. 

--

You wake up in the late afternoon, the bustling village announcing itself outside your window. Flashes of Neteyam outside of your window, then next to your bed, flashed through your mind. You groan to yourself, your head pounding. Your mouth felt dry, and you seek out water. You walk into your kitchen area, your mom humming to herself as she folded rice in leaves. 

“Good afternoon, young lady.” She says, amused by your choice to sleep in. Your mother was still completely unaware of your long night out, or the rumors circulating around the village. 

You sat at the table, your mom moving quick to put down a cup of water. “Are you feeling okay?” Your mom asks, noticing how you had your head resting in your hands. 

You nod, then shake your head. “I have such a headache.” 

Your mother coos, rubbing your back. “Being a future clan leader has it’s perks and it’s challenges.” Your mother says, jokingly. 

Since you were a baby, your mother had pushed you to be great. When the seeds from the tree of souls surrounded your infant body 20 years ago, it furthered her motivations to create the perfect daughter. You had complied, recognizing how happy it made your parents to be the ultimate rule follower. Since the conversation with the Sully’s several weeks ago, your mother has been practically bouncing at the idea of your ceremony being in the near future. She was proud that her daughter would be the leader of the great Omaticaya clan, a mate to the son of Toruk Makto and the future leader of the clan. She had been pressuring you to be ladylike, an elegant speaker. All she could do was talk about the ceremony. 

“I know something that would make you feel better!” Your mother exclaims, seating herself next to you at the table. “Jake and Neytiri have decided that you and Neteyam’s ceremony will take place in exactly a week. Preparations have already started taking place.” 

You glance at your mother, “Why would that make me feel better?” 

Your mother frowns, “What? I thought you’d be happy to hear that, you and Neteyam have been spending so much time together lately.” 

You sniff, glad that your mom hasn’t heard the rumors. You groaned softly, everything rushing back to your already throbbing head. “Things change, mother.” You said, hoping she didn’t ask any further questions. 

Your mother raises her eyebrows, deciding it’s best to leave you alone. “There’s some food on the counter when you get hungry.” And with that, she saunters to her room. 

‘A week.’ You think. A few days ago, you would have been excited but all you feel now is dread. You fold your arms on the table, resting your head down. You don’t know how much time passed when a knock on the door brings you out of your thoughts. 

When you open the door, Kiri stands in the doorway. You are happy to see your dear friend but wonder what her motives are to pay you a visit. “If you’re here to advocate for Neteyam, don’t.” 

Kiri rolls her eyes, “Hello to you too, sister.” Kiri pushes her way into your home, heading for the kitchen. “Has your mom made any of those rolls I like?” You laugh, remembering that Kiri loves your mom’s cooking.

“Kiri, what are you doing here?” you ask, watching your friend look any sight of your mother’s cooking. Kiri turns around, a puzzled, annoyed look on her face. 

“What? Am I not allowed to visit my friend that I haven’t seen in ages since she’s been courting my brother?” 

You give Kiri a look, shaking your head. “You know you’re always welcome here.” 

“Your tone says otherwise, y/n.” 

You sigh, sitting back at the table. “I’m sure you’ve heard the rumors.” 

Kiri hums, “I thought you didn’t want to talk about that.” 

“I said I didn’t want you to advocate for Neteyam.” 

Kiri came over to where you were seated, “You can’t expect for me not to advocate for my brother. Plus, you haven’t even talked to him, you may be surprised at what he has to say.” 

You sat up, eyeing your friend. “What do you mean?” 

“It’s not for me to say but you should at least talk to Neteyam. You can’t just trust Korra and Nalu are telling the truth, everyone knows they will do anything to get attention from any male Na’vi.”

You frown, considering what Kiri was saying. 

“It’s fine to be mad now, or whatever, but at some point you have to have a conversation with Neteyam.” 

You sigh again, shaking your head. “Why is everything so complicated?” 

Kiri laughs, “Just wait until you’re Tsahik.” 

You consider everything Kiri has said. Maybe it would be good to hear him out. You shook the idea off. You needed space. 

Kiri brushes a lock of your hair away from your face. “Consider it, sister. You only have a short time until you consummate your relationship. It’s better to get along with your mate to do that.” 

You blush at the idea, your cheeks heating up. “I’ll consider it, Kiri.” 

Kiri nods, hoping you truly do. She so badly wants to shake you and tell you Neteyam has never been with anyone, but she knows that’s not her information to tell. 

--

It’s been 5 days since you’ve talked to Neteyam, although you’ve caught glimpses of him a few times. You watched Neteyam walk off to training, in deep conversation with his father, as you carried bundles of fruit to the village, helping your mother with the errand. Another time, you caught him looking at you, his tail flicking slowly, as you walked passed him with one of your friends. 

You badly wanted to walk up to him, deeply missing his embrace and his company. You missed the exhilarating feeling of being around him and the way your skin tinkled underneath his touch. Still, in the back of your mind, Korra’s statement repeated in your head. 

Preparations for your ceremony were developing at a fast speed, the middle of town beginning to be decorated and set up for the feast. Your arrangement was set to end tomorrow, and you had lost the ability to think about the ceremony, feeling as if you were viewing what was happening from outside your body. 

You went where you were told, being brought fitted by the village tailors for your ceremony dress by your mother. She ooed and awed at your outfit, and you couldn’t deny it was beautiful – you looked beautiful. Your top was intricate, decorated with white webbing and peals intertwined together. Your bottoms were just as beautiful, strings of pearls covering your sensitive parts. You thanked the tailors, knowing it must have taken hours and hours to make. You looked at your reflection, wondering what Neteyam would think. You diverted your eyes away from your reflection when you thought about how Neteyam would be the one to take this off after the ceremony. 

The village had never looked more festive as it’s not often the Omaticaya clan gets to celebrate the induction of new leaders. There was a long table placed in the middle of the village square, chairs and decorations for the table being added on the table every day. A platform had been built at home-tree, beautiful arrangements of flowers creating a backdrop for your mateship ceremony. 

Your heart thudded in anticipation, as you took in the scene. You were going to be mated, officially a spouse to Neteyam. You aren’t sure that reality has fully settled in your mind. 

Now, you take in the sight, watching some from the village work on your ceremony preparations. Those who pass by congratulate you on your impending marriage and wish you good luck. 

 “Y/n,” A voice, Neteyam’s voice, says behind you. 

You turn, swallowing hard. Neteyam stands behind you, a bow in his hand. You notice he has his hunting gear on, a knife placed in his thigh band. “Neteyam. Off to hunt?” You ask, formally. 

He nods, “Yeah. It’s for our ceremony.” 

You gulp hearing him acknowledge your mutual impending event. You nod, not knowing how to respond. 

“Look, I have to go, my dad is waiting for me. But can we talk later tonight? Meet me right here at nine? Please?” 

Before you can stop yourself, you speak. “Okay.” 

Neteyam breathes out, relieved that you agreed. “Okay, I’ll see you later.” Neteyam keeps his eyes on you, his mind circulating about your beauty. Finally, he turns and walks towards the forest where his father and the other hunters wait for him. 

You turn back to the event being prepared in front of you. ‘This is all being done for me, for us.’ You think. It all becomes a little more real. 

You keep yourself busy until the time you are supposed to meet Neteyam. However, there isn’t lack of activities as your mother has been preparing you all evening for tomorrow. A steady stream of visitors has flowed in and out of your home, villagers paying you a visit of respect and congratulations. Neytiri pays you a visit as well, spending several hours with you and your mother. 

“My son cares about you deeply, y/n.” Neytiri says, taking the hairbrush from your mother who was freshly braiding your hair. With slow strokes, she brushes your long, thick hair. “Eywa made no mistake in pairing you two together, do recognize that.” You stay still, listening to your future mother-in-law’s words. You knew she was right but why did Eywa let things get so messy? 

Neytiri continues to talk to you, asking if you were nervous about tomorrow. You tell her yes and she rubs your back with the palm of her hand. “You will be taken care of; you were not chosen by mistake.” 

--

Neteyam, deep in the forest, aims his arrow at his target, although he could barely focus, his mind was too focused on you. He thought about how his heart had thudded earlier just at the sight of you. It had been almost a week since you last talked to him, and he had reverted to juvenile physical responses at the lack of interaction with you. 

Neteyam lets go of the arrow, successfully adding a kill to the group tally. A group of the clan’s finest hunters had joined him and his father to gather food for tomorrow banquet. His mother had insisted the meat be as fresh as possible, causing the hunters to be out the night before to collect the food. 

Neteyam could tell it was time to meet you by the timing of the sunsetting several hours before. 

“Dad,” Neteyam says, moving towards his father. “I have to meet y/n, is it okay if I go back to the village?” 

Jake nods, sending another hunter off into the woods. “Yeah, straight to the village, no diversions.” 

Neteyam nods, appreciating his dad’s nervousness about him being captured as he moved away from the group of hunters to go back to the village.

Thankfully, the group had ventured far into the woods and Neteyam was able to make it to the village in time to meet you. From the edge of the forest, Neteyam could see that you hadn’t yet arrived at the spot where you were supposed to meet. 

Neteyam steps into the clearing, making his way to stand and wait for you. 

“Neteyam! The future Olo’eyktan, I’ve been looking for you.” Korra says, coming out of nowhere. Neteyam rolls his eyes, shaking Korra off as she clings on to him.

“You aren’t seriously talking to me after the shit you pulled the other day, are you?” Neteyam says, looking down at Korra. 

Korra pouts, fighting off Neteyam pushing her away. She reaches out to stroke Neteyam’s cheek with her fingers. Neteyam is about to push her off again when he notices you watching off to the side.

Your stomach churns, watching the sight. Neteyam pushes Korra off, as you turn to walk away. Before you fully turn around, Korra offers snickers at you, sauntering off into the east side of the village. When you and Neteyam made plans to meet later, Korra was just around the corner making her own.