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#or too 'i don't think this is romance i think they just want to fuck'
f14fun · 2 days
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lay all your love on me - op81 (C2)
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synopsis: in which oscar piastri and a university student begging for her euro summer vacation collide in a steamy, abba-inspired romance
prose (6.1K words) ✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩ profile | masterlist | series index ⋆.˚✮🎧✮˚.⋆
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02: Love, Sweat, and Secondhand Embarrassment
"Clemmy I swear I wanted to die that entire time. Whoever I offended in an alternate universe I am so so sorry, I truly believe karma is real now," I lamented, voice weak.
Burying my head in my pillow, I could finally appreciate the cool blast of AC (well, it was a little bit of air conditioning but a little is better than nothing) I scratched my right leg that was hoisted up onto the blue duvet cover. If not for the horrible comedic timing of everything, in that moment, I might have said that I was enjoying myself.
On the other line of the phone, thousands of miles away, it was a completely different story.
"What the fuck," Clementine could barely muster out because she was laughing so hard.
"I still don't think any part of this story is funny, Clem," I roll my eyes and trail off.
"But it is! You genuinely should consider a career in stand-up comedy. If you recounted all of this in front of a paying live audience, I'm just saying it could make you a millionaire overnight," Clementine wheezed.
"Oh, shut up, bitch," I retorted, trying to suppress a smile despite my mortification.
"You know it's true though!" Her girlish giggles rang through my room. I could see her face through the screen and it looked like visible tears were streaming down her face from how funny she found this to be.
"I am completely and utterly humiliated. There is no way I can go downstairs and face everyone right now," I whined. It was true, as twenty minutes ago, mid-Facetime with Clementine, I heard the door to the foyer open and heard a lot of new noises.
New people. The neighbors. The rest of the Australians.
Crikey, mate.
There was no way I could face them. And since Oscar was probably their son (he looked way too young to be a father) he had probably already told them about the wretched and humiliating mishap.
"Seriously, Clemmy, you don’t get it," I said, trying to keep the frustration out of my voice but failing miserably. "This is not just some embarrassing story. This is my life, and I have to face these people now."
Clementine’s laughter finally started to subside, and she took a deep breath. "Okay, okay, I get it. But you have to admit, this is a once-in-a-lifetime kind of disaster. You can’t just ignore it. It’s like the universe is telling you to embrace the chaos."
I sighed, feeling a bit more grounded with her calming tone. "Yeah, well, I’m not exactly feeling the universe’s love right now. I feel like I’ve been dropped into some kind of sitcom. And what if they think I’m a total klutz? I can’t even begin to imagine how Oscar must’ve described me."
"It'll be fine. You are a pro at handling horrible situations. I mean, I can really only think that you have had more bad experiences with guys than good ones!" Clem tried to reassure me.
"Wow, thanks," I deadpanned. "Way to make a girl feel special."
Clementine's voice was full of playful sympathy. "Hey, I’m just saying, you’ve survived everything life’s thrown at you so far. Besides, look at it this way: if they’re judging you based on this one incident, they’re missing out on getting to know the amazing person you are."
"Yeah, because nothing says 'amazing' like face-planting into a pile of shampoo and knocking over a bunch of cleaning supplies," I said, sarcasm dripping from my tone.
Clementine laughed. "Exactly! And let’s be honest, if they do judge you for this, they’re definitely not worth your time. Besides, Oscar might even think you’re charming in a clumsy, endearing kind of way. You never know."
"You should really consider a career in therapy. If I lay here and close my eyes for a bit and sleep for three hours surely your advice will work," I retorted.
"Oh be so serious with me now,"
"I am! Now I can add a new skill to my LinkedIn profile," I said, trying to stifle a giggle. "How about 'Expert in Catastrophic Bathroom Mishaps: Master of Turning Shower Encounters into Slapstick Comedy'?"
Clementine burst into laughter. “That’s quite a title! It’s like you’ve got a whole new niche market for yourself.”
“Right? I’m just waiting for the endorsement from ‘The Association of Embarrassing Bathroom Incidents,’” I said, imagining a badge with that exact title. What a big, fat, fucking joke.
“Or maybe you'll become the keynote speaker for the 'International Conference on Unexpected Water-Based Accidents,’” Clementine added, her voice full of amusement.
“I’ll make sure to include a workshop on ‘How to Survive a Bathroom Collision with Dignity and Humor,’” I said with a chuckle. “And don’t forget the seminar on ‘Turning Slip-and-Fall Disasters into Networking Opportunities.’”
“A career to consider!” Clementine laughed. “And you know what? I’ll be your first fan. Just remember to keep me updated on how your new ‘disastrous bathroom mishap’ career is going.”
“I’ll make sure to do that,” I promised with a smile. “Thanks for the laugh. It’s nice to know that even in the middle of a fiasco, I can count on you to turn it into a comedy show.”
"What can I say, I will never turn down listening to a free shit show," Clementine winked at me through the camera.
"Clem! What the hell!" I waved my manicured pointed nail at her.
"Bye! Don't die from embarrassment before you come back!" She quipped, then promptly hung up.
I lay sprawled on my bed, dreading the thought of going downstairs and facing the group of new neighbors. The whole idea made me cringe. I was just about to mentally prepare myself for the awkward introductions when a sudden knock on my door jolted me upright. My heart raced as I called out lazily, “Come in.”
The door creaked open, and I nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw Oscar standing there. His eyebrow was raised, and he wore a cheeky grin that did nothing to ease my nerves.
"Well, well, well," he said with an amused smirk. "Looks like you’ve been having quite the chat with 'dearest Clemmy,' haven’t you?"
My face flushed beet red, and I stuttered, struggling to find my words. “W-What are you doing here?”
Oscar leaned casually against the doorframe, clearly enjoying my discomfort. “Oh, you know, just overheard you and Clemmy talking about our little mishap. I believe you mentioned something about me being ‘a charming yet infuriating Aussie who managed to turn your bathroom break into a comedy skit.’”
I blinked, stunned into silence. My mouth opened and closed, but no coherent words came out. The sheer embarrassment was overwhelming. Oscar’s casual demeanor and his cheeky grin only made things worse.
“What can I say, my name was called,” Oscar continued with a mischievous glint in his eye. “If someone keeps calling you hot, I mean, wouldn’t you be too curious to listen?”
His smirk only made my breath hitch and my fingers tremble a little more. I could feel my cheeks burning, and I struggled to come up with a response. The playful glint in his eye and his casual attitude did nothing to alleviate my embarrassment. Instead, they only made me feel more flustered.
I took a deep breath, trying to regain some semblance of composure. “W-Well, I guess I didn’t think anyone would be actually listening.”
Oscar raised an eyebrow playfully, his smirk widening. “Oh, I’m sure you didn’t. But it was too good to pass up. Especially the part where you called me a ‘human wrecking ball.’”
My face flushed a deeper shade of crimson. “Great. Just great,” I muttered, shifting uncomfortably. “I’m sure I’ve made a fantastic first impression.”
Oscar chuckled, leaning casually against the doorframe. “Look, it’s all good. I’ve seen worse first impressions. Trust me. At least you didn’t accidentally set off the fire alarm or flood the place.”
I managed a weak smile, still feeling the sting of embarrassment. “Yeah, well, I’ll try to keep any future disasters to a minimum.”
Look at me, constantly embarrassing myself in front of hot guys. This was the exact reason why I was still bitchless and socially awkward at the ripe age of twenty-one. I could navigate a spreadsheet like a pro, ace exams, and even master the perfect contour, but put me in a room with a cute guy, and I turned into a walking calamity.
I sighed internally, already dreading the inevitable teasing I’d get from Clemmy once she found out I had, yet again, failed to keep my cool around a guy. Maybe I should’ve just stayed in the bathroom and let the ground swallow me whole.
Oscar raised an eyebrow, studying me with a curious look. “You know, you seem like a completely different person right now. Way quieter, more shy… less daring.”
My face flushed with a mix of irritation and embarrassment. “That’s not true,” I snapped, crossing my arms defensively. “I’m exactly the same as I was before.”
Oscar’s grin widened, clearly enjoying the effect his words had on me. “Sure, if you say so. But the girl who almost took me down like a rugby player in the bathroom seemed a lot more fearless.”
My nose flared as I shot him a glare, feeling the fire of indignation rise within me. Who did he think he was, making assumptions about me? I’ll show him just how brave I can be, I thought, my fists clenching. If he wanted to see daring, then I’d make sure he regretted ever doubting me. The nerve of this guy! He might have been hot, but that didn’t give him the right to push my buttons like this.
Oscar gave me a lopsided grin, clearly pleased with himself. "Anyway, everyone’s heading downstairs to meet each other. Figured I’d let you know, since, you know, it’s probably not the best idea to hide out up here forever."
My stomach twisted with nerves at the thought of facing everyone after that humiliating encounter. The idea of meeting new people while still reeling from my disastrous introduction to Oscar was daunting. But there was no way I was going to let him see how nervous I actually was. I took a deep breath, nodding stiffly. "Fine, let’s get this over with."
As we walked out of the room and toward the stairs, I could feel Oscar’s presence behind me—large, imposing, and annoyingly close. My face heated up, and I silently cursed myself for blushing yet again. Why did this guy have to make everything so difficult?
It was like shooting a sitting duck. A little small talk, a smile, and baby, I was stuck. I was a grown woman, for god’s sake, not some teenager swooning over a crush. But there I was, getting flustered over a guy I barely knew. Get a grip, I told myself, trying to shake off the absurdity of the situation. This wasn’t supposed to happen—I wasn’t supposed to be this easily charmed.
When we reached the bottom of the stairs, I hesitated, gripping the railing a little longer than usual. I could feel Oscar’s gaze on me, and it only made my nerves worse. Just as I was about to take the first step down, his hand brushed against mine. The contact was brief but enough to send a jolt of awareness through me. His hand was rough with calluses, moderately enveloping mine in a way that felt both comforting and disarming.
What was it about this guy that made me feel so uncharacteristically off-balance? As I tried to steady my racing thoughts, I reminded myself that I had to keep it together. After all, I wasn’t about to let some smooth-talking Aussie turn me into a lovesick fool—no matter how much my traitorous heart seemed to enjoy the challenge.
As I reached the bottom of the stairs, my eyes were drawn to two adults who were deep in conversation with my mom. Their warm, friendly demeanor and unmistakable Australian accents told me they were Oscar’s parents. They seemed just as lively and outgoing as he was, which only added to the strangeness of this entire situation.
Then, I spotted Oscar’s siblings—a trio of sisters who looked like carbon copies of him, yet each had her own distinct vibe, like different fonts of the same typeface. They were laughing and joking with each other, their bond evident in the way they effortlessly engaged in light-hearted banter. I felt a pang of envy, wishing I had siblings to share that kind of closeness with.
My daydream was abruptly shattered when Oscar’s large, warm hand clasped onto my shoulder, his fingers pressing gently but firmly against my skin. The unexpected touch sent a jolt through me, making me jump slightly as a flush of heat rushed to my cheeks. His chuckle, deep and amused, rumbled behind me, the sound wrapping around me like a teasing caress. He was standing on the step just above me, close enough that I could feel his breath on the back of my neck. His presence was unmistakably felt—broad, solid, and way too close for comfort, yet somehow not close enough.
His fingers lingered on my shoulder, almost as if he was testing my reaction, and I could feel the warmth radiating from his touch, seeping into my skin. The space between us seemed to shrink with every passing second, and I could barely concentrate on anything but the weight of his hand and the steady beat of my heart hammering in my chest.
Oscar leaned in slightly, his voice low and smooth as honey. “Jumpier than I thought,” he drawled, his tone dripping with playful mischief. “Didn’t take you for the shy type. Especially not after our little bathroom tango.” His grin widened, the corner of his mouth quirking up in a way that was both infuriating and ridiculously charming.
My pulse quickened at the way he was looking at me—those eyes sparkling with amusement, as if he knew exactly what he was doing. I swallowed hard, my mind racing to come up with a retort, but all I could focus on was how his hand, still resting on my shoulder, felt both protective and possessive. The air between us crackled with a tension that was impossible to ignore, and I had to remind myself to breathe.
I could quite literally cut the sexual tension with the dullest fucking butterknife in the world.
I tried to muster a sharp retort, something that would wipe that smug grin off his face, but my brain was too busy short-circuiting to cooperate. All I could manage was a stuttered, “I-I’m not shy! You just—caught me off guard, that’s all.” The words tumbled out, weak and unconvincing, and I mentally cringed at how feeble they sounded.
Oscar’s grin only grew, clearly enjoying my flustered state. He leaned in a little closer, his gaze locked on mine with a playful intensity that made my heart skip a beat. “Off guard, huh?” he murmured, his voice dipping lower. “So, you’re saying if I hadn’t surprised you, you’d be able to keep up?”
I opened my mouth to respond, determined to regain some semblance of dignity, but nothing clever came out. Instead, I just stood there, caught between wanting to pull away from his teasing and feeling inexplicably drawn to his warmth. His hand slid from my shoulder, and the absence of his touch left a surprising chill in its wake.
Realizing that my window for a comeback was closing, I finally managed to sputter, “Y-Yeah, exactly.” I immediately cursed myself for sounding so pathetic. Not exactly the sharp comeback I was hoping for. His smirk deepened, and I could tell he wasn’t buying it for a second.
“Sure, whatever you say,” Oscar replied, his tone still dripping with amusement. He straightened up, giving me a quick wink before stepping down to the next stair. The playful glint in his eyes told me he knew exactly how much he was getting under my skin, and he was loving every second of it.
As he moved past me, I finally found my voice—too little, too late—and muttered under my breath, “Cocky bastard.” But it was quiet enough that I hoped he didn’t hear it. To my dismay, Oscar paused, turning back with a raised eyebrow and an even wider grin.
“Sorry, didn’t catch that,” he said, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “Care to repeat it?”
My cheeks flamed as I quickly shook my head. “Nope, nothing. Let’s just… go meet everyone.”
Oscar’s grin didn’t falter as he took a step closer, still looming above me. “You know,” he began, his voice casual but with that familiar teasing edge, “I’ve already met everyone else. Your mom, too. And I’ve gotta say, you two seem like complete opposites.”
I blinked up at him, caught off guard again. “Opposites?”
He nodded, leaning against the wall with that effortless ease he seemed to have perfected. “Yep. Your mom’s all smiles and warm welcomes. You, on the other hand… well, you’ve got this whole ‘ready to throw punches’ vibe going on.”
I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to gauge whether he was being serious or just messing with me again. “I do not have a ‘ready to throw punches’ vibe.”
Oscar’s lips twitched like he was holding back a laugh. “Oh, you totally do. But don’t worry,” he added with a playful smirk, “it’s kind of endearing. Keeps things interesting.”
I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest. “Glad to know I’m so entertaining for you.”
He shrugged, unfazed. “Hey, I’m just saying, opposites attract, right? Besides, your mom already likes me. You could take a few notes.”
His comment sent a fresh wave of warmth to my cheeks, both from irritation and something I couldn’t quite place. “I don’t need notes from you,” I shot back, though my voice lacked its usual bite.
Oscar just chuckled, giving me one last teasing wink before turning to head down the stairs. “Whatever you say, mate. Just try not to tackle anyone else while you’re at it.”
"Well well well, what do we have here?" A girl with short hair and a devious grin matching Oscar's grinned at me as well entered the kitchen. Shimmering her hands like "jazz hands", she rolled her eyes and rested her chin in the palm of her hand.
I turned to face the new arrival, immediately recognizing her as one of Oscar’s sisters—one of the three siblings who seemed to share his penchant for mischief. Her cropped hair and sharp, playful eyes made her look like she’d just stepped out of a rom-com where she was the resident troublemaker, always stirring the pot and having a laugh at everyone else’s expense.
“Hey, party people,” she said, her voice dripping with a teasing lilt. She shot me a grin that was almost a mirror image of Oscar’s, mischievous and knowing, like she was in on some inside joke I hadn’t been let in on yet. I could feel the same heat from before creeping up my neck. Why did it feel like these siblings were reading me like an open book?
“Looks like someone’s already made a grand entrance,” she continued, flicking her eyes between me and Oscar with an amused smirk. “Oscar’s been talking about you nonstop since we got here. Said something about a ‘bathroom fiasco’ that deserves an award?”
I shot a glare at Oscar, who was leaning casually against the counter, looking far too pleased with himself. “Did he now?” I said, trying to keep my voice steady despite the mortification clawing at me.
The girl laughed, light and musical, but with an edge that told me she was fully enjoying every bit of this. “Oh yeah, he’s been filling us in. But don’t worry, we’re used to his tall tales. I’m Hattie, by the way,” she added, extending a hand with exaggerated enthusiasm as if we were meeting on the set of a game show rather than in my kitchen.
I hesitated for a beat before shaking her hand, trying to muster a smile that didn’t look too forced. “Nice to meet you, Hattie. I’m—”
“Oh, I know who you are,” she interrupted, her grin widening. “You’re the girl who almost took out my brother. Honestly, I’m impressed. No one’s ever managed to knock him off his game quite like that.”
I glanced at Oscar, who was watching the exchange with an infuriatingly smug look on his face. Maisie’s comment hung in the air, both a compliment and a lighthearted jab. I couldn’t help but feel like I was once again the butt of some inside joke between the siblings.
“Yeah, well, it’s a special talent of mine,” I said, trying to sound casual but feeling like every word was being scrutinized. “Guess I just have that effect.”
Hattie laughed, the sound bright and unapologetically amused. “Oh, I like you already. But hey, if you’re gonna hang out with us, you better be ready for a little friendly chaos. And maybe a few more unexpected collisions.”
Oscar gave a soft snort of laughter, and I could feel his eyes still on me, assessing, teasing, and—annoyingly—almost impressed. I tried to ignore the butterflies that seemed to be staging a full-on rebellion in my stomach. Clearly, this family thrived on playful torment, and I had somehow found myself right in the middle of it.
“Don’t worry,” I said, straightening up and forcing a confident smile. “I think I can handle whatever you guys throw at me.”
Hattie's eyes sparkled with mischief, and she gave me a mock salute. “That’s the spirit. Welcome to the chaos, mate.”
Oscar chuckled again, giving me that damn wink before pushing off from the counter. “Oh, she’s ready for it. Trust me, she’s already made quite the impression.”
The other two girls strolled in, each with their own distinct energy that filled the room. One had a fierce, confident look, dark hair tied up in a messy bun, and a leather jacket that screamed ‘cooler-than-you’ vibes. The youngest, a curly-haired, bright-eyed whirlwind, practically bounced into the kitchen, her infectious smile lighting up the space.
“So,” I said, feeling slightly overwhelmed by the sudden influx of new faces. “I’ve met Oscar, obviously, and… Hattie, right?” I glanced at the girl who had first greeted me, who nodded with a playful smile. “But I’m afraid I haven’t gotten your names yet,” I continued, pointing between the other two sisters.
The girl with the leather jacket gave me a wry grin, leaning casually against the counter. “I’m Edie,” she said, her voice dripping with casual confidence. “The cooler, smarter middle child.”
Mae, the youngest, immediately chimed in, rolling her eyes at her sister. “And I’m Mae, the fun one,” she said with a giggle, her curls bouncing as she hopped up onto a stool. “Edie’s just mad she wasn’t born with my charm.”
Edie snorted, pretending to be offended. “Please, you’re like a tiny tornado of chaos. But yeah, I guess she’s not wrong,” she added, shooting me a smirk. “Mae’s got a way of making everything a little… livelier.”
I couldn’t help but smile at their playful back-and-forth. “Nice to officially meet you all. And thanks for the heads-up on your brother’s antics,” I said, glancing at Oscar, who was watching the exchange with an amused glint in his eye.
“Oh, trust me,” Hattie added, her grin widening as she nudged Oscar with her elbow. “We’ve got years of experience keeping this one in line. You’re welcome to join the effort.”
Oscar threw his hands up in mock surrender. “Wow, ganging up on me already? This is why I never bring girls home,” he joked, though there was a hint of genuine warmth in his voice, like he was more than used to—and secretly enjoyed—their teasing.
Mae leaned forward, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “Just wait till we start telling you all the embarrassing stories. Oscar’s got quite a few, and we’ve got no problem spilling the tea.”
Oscar smirked, shifting his weight just enough to close the distance between us, his presence suddenly feeling a lot closer, a lot warmer. He leaned in with a casual ease, his movements smooth and unhurried, as if he had all the time in the world to make me squirm. His voice dropped into a playful, low tone, rich and velvety, each word dripping with deliberate charm. “Oh, don’t worry about them,” he murmured, his gaze locked onto mine with an intensity that made my heart skip a beat. “I’d much rather hear your stories. You’re far more interesting than anything they could say about me.”
The way he looked at me was like I was the only person in the room, his eyes lingering on mine with a bold, flirtatious glint that sent a shiver down my spine. His grin was maddeningly confident, a little crooked, and devastatingly irresistible—the kind of smile that made it clear he knew exactly what he was doing. It was teasing, suggestive, and far too charming for its own good, like he was daring me to blush, daring me to react.
I felt the heat creeping up my neck, a slow burn that spread across my cheeks, making my skin prickle with the sudden awareness of how close he was. My mind scrambled for something clever to say, but his flirtatious tone, the way his eyes roved over my face as if he was reading every reaction, left me tongue-tied. It was like he was peeling back layers with just a look, searching for the part of me that he could fluster with a few well-placed words and that infuriating smile.
I tried to steady my breath, but his proximity was overwhelming. I could catch the faint scent of his cologne—fresh, with a hint of something spicy—and the subtle shift of his body as he leaned closer sent my senses into overdrive. Every nerve seemed to hum in response to his nearness, and I could feel my face burning hotter, betraying me with every second that I failed to look away.
Edie made a gagging noise, rolling her eyes dramatically. “Ew, Oscar, seriously? Can you not flirt for like five seconds? It’s embarrassing.”
Mae giggled, giving Oscar a playful shove. “Yeah, gross. No one wants to see that. Save it for when we’re not around, Romeo.”
Hattie snorted, shaking her head as she watched Oscar with a mix of amusement and exasperation. “He’s always like this. Thinks he’s Mr. Smooth. Don’t let him get to you.”
But Oscar only chuckled, clearly unfazed by his sisters’ teasing. He turned back to me, his grin widening as he caught sight of my flushed cheeks. “Aww, look at that,” he said, his voice soft and teasing. “Did I make you blush? How cute.”
I quickly tried to hide my face, mortification bubbling up as I realized there was no escaping the heat radiating from my cheeks. “N-No, you didn’t,” I stammered, though the pink tint on my face said otherwise.
Oscar’s smirk deepened, and he leaned in just a little closer, his voice barely above a whisper. “You’re not very good at hiding it, you know. It’s kind of endearing.”
I could practically feel my cheeks getting even more red, if that was even possible. His sisters snickered behind us, enjoying the show as much as they enjoyed tormenting him.
Mae nudged Hattie, whispering loud enough for everyone to hear, “He’s really laying it on thick, huh? Someone needs to put a leash on this one.”
Hattie snickered and turned to me, giving me an exaggeratedly sympathetic look. “Don’t worry, he does this to everyone. It’s part of his ‘charm offensive.’ Just don’t let him get away with it too easily.”
“Yeah, make him work for it,” Edie added with a laugh. “And don’t let that blush fool you. He’s got enough of an ego without you feeding it.”
Oscar just shrugged, clearly unbothered by his sisters’ ribbing. He kept his eyes on me, his smile softening just slightly. “They’re just jealous because they know I’m right. You really are something else.”
I rolled my eyes, trying to fight the smile that was creeping onto my face despite my best efforts. “You’re impossible,” I muttered, crossing my arms in an attempt to compose myself.
Oscar leaned back, finally giving me a bit of space but not without one last wink. “Impossible’s my specialty,” he said, the playful challenge hanging in the air.
Hattie clapped her hands together, breaking the charged silence that had wrapped around us. “Alright, lovebirds, let’s change the scene before this kitchen gets any steamier,” she said with a sly grin, glancing between Oscar and me. “What do you say we all head out to the pool? It’s hot as hell today, and I could use a swim.”
Mae’s eyes lit up at the suggestion, and she bounced on her toes with excitement. “Yes, please! I’ve been dying to jump in all morning. Come on, it’ll be fun.”
Edie shrugged, pushing off the counter. “Sounds like a plan. Beats sitting around here watching Oscar make a fool of himself,” she said, shooting her brother a pointed look that he brushed off with a careless smirk.
I hesitated, caught off guard by the sudden change in plans. The thought of the pool—cool water, bright sun, and lounging with these new, vibrant personalities—was tempting, but my mind immediately jumped to what that would mean: changing into a bikini, being under the sun's scrutiny, and, worse, the idea of Oscar’s eyes on me again, but this time with even less to hide behind.
“Uh, yeah, sure,” I said, trying to sound casual, though my heart was starting to race for an entirely different reason now. “Just give me a minute to get changed.”
As I slipped back into my room, I rummaged through my suitcase, finding the bright bikini I had packed on a whim but hadn’t quite planned on wearing in front of a whole audience of strangers. It was a pretty number—a little more revealing than I was used to—but suddenly, the idea of wearing it around Oscar felt daunting. My insecurities bubbled up: the nagging thoughts of whether my stomach was flat enough, if my thighs looked alright, or if the faint stretch marks I tried so hard to ignore would be too noticeable under the bright afternoon sun.
I took a deep breath, staring at my reflection in the mirror. I tugged at the fabric, trying to adjust it in a way that made me feel more comfortable, but the nerves wouldn’t settle. I could already imagine Oscar’s eyes lingering on me, his playful smirk turning into something more appraising, and the thought sent a rush of heat to my cheeks. God, why was I letting this get to me? It was just a pool. Just a bikini. Just Oscar. But the more I tried to rationalize, the more those little fears crept in, whispering doubts that made my stomach churn.
I was so lost in my own thoughts, adjusting and readjusting the strings and trying to silence the negative self-talk, that I nearly jumped out of my skin when a sudden knock rattled my door. My heart leaped into my throat, and I spun around, my breath catching as I called out, “W-Who is it?”
“It’s me,” came Oscar’s familiar voice, muffled but still clear enough to send a jolt of nerves through me. “Just checking to see if you’re alright in there. You’ve been quiet, and, well, didn’t want you chickening out on us.”
His tone was light, but there was something softer in it, something that caught me off guard. It wasn’t the usual teasing or the cocky one-liners I’d grown accustomed to in the short time I’d known him. This felt… genuine. A flicker of concern threaded through his words, almost like he actually cared if I was okay. My cheeks flushed anew, this time from the unexpected warmth of his attention rather than embarrassment.
I sat on the edge of the bed, my fingers fidgeting with the hem of my cover-up as I tried to piece together my swirling thoughts. Was this the same Oscar who had been smirking at me in the kitchen, flirting shamelessly in front of his sisters? The same Oscar who seemed to relish every moment he made me blush or stumble over my words? It was strange, almost disarming, to hear him like this—concerned, attentive, with none of his usual bravado.
My heart fluttered at the thought. What if there was more to him than just the cheeky guy who lived for teasing? I couldn’t help but feel a small, unexpected tug in my chest, an urge to believe that this side of him was real and not just some act. But then, just as quickly, my rational side kicked in, reminding me that I’d known Oscar for all of three hours, most of which had been spent flustered and caught up in his whirlwind of charm.
Was I reading too much into this? Was I letting my own insecurities and wishful thinking color my perception of him? It was hard not to, especially when he swung so easily between flirty and sincere, keeping me constantly off-balance. I barely knew this guy, yet here I was, letting my mind wander into dangerous territory, imagining depth and sincerity that might not even be there.
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to steady my thoughts. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions—didn’t want to let a few kind words make me think I’d seen some hidden side of him. But it was hard not to feel flustered when his voice had softened like that, when he’d taken the time to check on me instead of just joking about how long I was taking.
The knock on my door, the concern in his tone—it all felt so different from the playful Oscar who’d swaggered into my life just a few hours ago. Maybe it was nothing, just a moment of decency, a brief glimpse of something real behind the jokes and teasing. Or maybe I was just overthinking, desperate to see something more in him because he’d managed to get under my skin in a way I wasn’t quite prepared for.
I sighed, feeling my cheeks heat up once more as the realization hit me—I was blushing again, and not just from embarrassment this time. There was something about Oscar, something that made me want to believe he was more than the carefree charmer he projected. But whether that was true or just wishful thinking, I couldn’t be sure. Not yet.
“I-I’m fine!” I called back, trying to steady my voice, but it came out shaky, betraying the mix of anxiety and embarrassment that had settled in my chest. “Just… getting ready.”
There was a pause on the other side of the door, long enough that I thought he might have walked away. But then, Oscar’s voice cut through again, softer this time, and with a teasing edge. “You sure? I promise no one’s gonna judge you out there. Least of all me.”
The reassurance felt sincere, but I couldn’t help the way my mind raced with all the what-ifs. What if he did look? What if I didn’t look good enough? What if this stupid bikini made me feel more exposed than I could handle? I glanced at myself one last time in the mirror, trying to summon the confidence that I usually wore so easily, but right now felt like it was hiding somewhere I couldn’t reach.
“Yeah, I’m sure,” I finally managed, forcing a smile I hoped he couldn’t hear through the door. “Just... give me a sec. I’ll be right out.”
“Take your time,” Oscar said, his voice fading as he finally moved away from the door. “But don’t take too long. You don’t wanna miss the fun.”
As his footsteps retreated, I let out a shaky breath, trying to collect myself. I ran a hand through my hair, giving myself one last pep talk before heading out. It was just a pool day, I reminded myself. Just a stupid pool day with some new people and a guy who was way too good at making me blush. And maybe, just maybe, it would be fun—if I could get out of my own head long enough to let it be.
─────────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───────────────────
taglist! @mingyusbigrighttoe @theblueblub @demandealalune @linnygirl09
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aziraphales-library · 18 hours
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Hi,
Could I ask for some roommate fics? A little pining is great but I'm not a huge fan of too much angst.
There is one roommate fic I remember that I'd love to find again, it was set during lockdown, and azirphale was a virgin but was talking to Agnes on zoom with plans to date. Crowley offers to teach him about sex, and it gets physical, even though they're straight buddies ..of course. 😏
Thankyou
We have a #roommates tag. Here's the one you're looking for and a few more to add...
Not a Mounted Dildo but a Fuck Machine by NaroMoreau, summerofspock (E)
Aziraphale and Crowley have lived together for three years when lockdown goes into effect. When Aziraphale meets a nice girl on Tinder who he thinks is his perfect match, he's delighted. There's just one hurdle: that pesky virginity thing. Lucky for him, Crowley has always been there for him. He's helped Aziraphale with every other problem through the years, why not this one?
Tinder Dates Gone Wrong by OceanLace (E)
Aziraphale decides to take a risk and brings a man home but doesn't realize that his roommate and best friend had the same idea. Things don't turn out the way either of them were expecting but end up exactly how they wanted.
Principles of Proximity by Cannebady (E)
Crowley's plan is to get through grad school in one piece and then live his bachelor dream life. With a less-than-wholesome upbringing and no real human ties to speak of, he's made a life for himself. It's just fine, actually. And he's fine too, while you're at it. Enter new roommate, Aziraphale, who just might teach him the benefits of putting down roots.
…And They Were Roommates by Mimsynims (E)
“You know… I just remembered that Richard and I were going away for a few days next month.” Something devious came over him. “Richard paid for it, but the booking is in my name.” Crowley quickly caught on to what he was getting at. “Ooh, I see. That’s convenient.” He grinned. “For us." When Aziraphale's boyfriend Richard (Dick) breaks up with him, he and his roommate Crowley hijacks an intended couples' vacation and uses it for themselves. Lines that had started to blur even before their trip gets even more blurry - which perhaps isn't the best thing when both are hiding a crush on the other (and communication isn't their strong suit).
make it with you by NaroMoreau (E)
PAID RESEARCH OPPORTUNITY: A romantic couples study!! ------ Aziraphale and Crowley are broke roommates who are struggling to keep up with rent and a harsh landlord. After Crowley loses his job and Aziraphale's bookshop hasn't managed to make enough profit, they'll resort to anything to save what they love, and when they come across with the idea of a paid study for couples... Because some ideas are good until they aren't.
You Can Stay At My Place (And We Can Fall in Love) by IneffableToreshi (E)
Anthony Crowley is an art student with a heart of gold and a broad assumption about himself and his own (apparent lack-of) sexuality. When he meets literary student Aziraphale, he thinks he's found a great friend and possibly the perfect roommate. But when an exceptionally idiotic idea turns into Aziraphale reluctantly agreeing to pretend to be Crowley's boyfriend, Crowley rapidly realizes that he may not have been nearly so asexual as he originally thought...
10,000 Hours by AnnaTheHank (E)
Rich playboy Anthony Crowley has finally broken the last straw. He's been disowned by his grandmother, and turned away by his family. With no money and no where to go, he heads to the old family cabin to lay low until it all blows over. Romance writer A.Z. Fell has been given use of her publisher's cabin to get away from the city and work on her newest book-her first erotica. Neither expected the other to be there, but there they both were. And AZ finds that Crowley's vast knowledge of sex may just make up for her own lacking knowledge when it comes to writing her book.
- Mod D
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that-girl-glader · 2 days
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JWCT SPOILERS FROM THE TRAILER BELOW
BRO WTH OMGOSH. SO FAR THIS ARE THE THINGS GOING ON IN MY HEAD FROM THAT TRAILER
FIRST OFF...... OMGOSH WHY DOES EVERYONE LOOK SO HOT. AND WHY IS BEN SO BEAUTIFULLY BLONDE AND PRETTY BOY😭😭 DARIUS IS KILLING ME WITH HIS STANCE IN THE BOAT. THE FU???
Okay now for business. "I'm not the same Brooklyn you knew before" Bitch no you FUCKING AREN'T. BECAUSE YOU HAVE GROWN UP. AND have trauma. But babes....what do you mean by that???? Brother. You're gonna get yourself ACTUALLY killed. Why did you burn the photo....there was no reason. ALSO LOVE THE HAIR WTH.
I think the other girl in the trailer we didn't see is either Mae or you know BEN PINCUS' GIRLFRIEND. AND IF IT IS.... I'M SO OVER MY LIFE. BUT THE GAYS CAN'T WIN. AND....I have the sneaking suspicion that benrius (yay) or Benji(bluh ew ew burns...jokesssss) is never gonna happen. I hope he breaks up with her if that ends up true.
I will sue if Brooklyn and Darius end up together. And no it's not because I want Darius and Ben or whatever. Heck they can all stay single except for yasammy for all I care. I just don't see it. It does not compliment each other in any way, and doesn't make sense to me. And I'm a hugeeee Kenji x Brooklyn because it was a very fair balance of differences and similarities. And it was so requited. I just don't see why if you can see she wasn't committed to being with Kenji that she'd be committed to be with Darius. I think she just can't immediately jump into a relationship.
Darius just had his first love it doesn't make sense for him to get with someone. The field of romance is unfamiliar to him. I think he needs to heal first too. They both do. Before anything happens. But guys...it would mean so much to me if benrius in a future skip ends up together because I NEED THIS WTH...And their dynamic just makes me so happy I can't lose that. I'd be borderline sad. Even if the bond was queer platonic. I'd take it. Even if they never kiss or hug or whatever I'd take it. Even if nothing happens with brooks or Ben I'd take it!!! Better non canon than canon am I right. Pull a gustholomule so I can stay delusional.
If anything and I mean ANYTHING HAPPENS TO YASAMMY IM THROWING ROCKS. NO ONE IS DYING THEY ARE LITERALLY IMMORTAL. IT CAN'T JUST BE THE WHITE CHARACTERS WHO CHEAT DEATH.
WTF did Ben keep it a secret that Brooklyns alive?? Delusional version: He doesn't want his chances with Darius to blow....ahahahaha. Real version: He doesn't want his friends to be upset with how much Brook has changed. Or their grief to be invalidated. Or for them to give her a chance when she has changed so much in a very not moral way. Welp. Maybe he just feels like Brook kept it a secret for a reason, and I might as well not call her out. Anywho you guys help me too. I'm insane.
Bye guys. Stay prehistoric!!!!💚🤎🦕
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antigonesghosts · 1 month
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What I loved about Cinderella's Castle is it is so entirely about Ella. We know starkid can handle a show with tons and tons of characters but I found it quite refreshing for it to be so wholly her story? I think it was a lovely choice for this show and man Bryce did such a perfect job of it, she is truly such a star
#starkid#cinderella's castle spoilers#cinderella's castle#cc#cc spoilers#I think I want to rewatch it a couple of times to actually ascertain how I rank it with other starkid shows but. yeah what a great show#they used that money well too every aspect was STUNNING#and I could go on and on about the choreography maybe the best from any starkid show it looked so fucking good#anyway. justice for my girls Justine and Lucy I miss you#OH more things I loved! no romance! starkid write fantastic romances which I love dearly but again it was so nice#to just see Ella discover herself and her power. and yes I know her and Tadius are heavily implied but! I love that it was allowed to#just be the very beginnings of whatever they might become!!!#I will say that I predicted the Justine and Lucy thing which is heartbreaking I miss them#but anyway I loved it as a version of Cinderella and I loved it as a musical and MAN the music FUCKING SLAPPED#I made like 7 pages of notes because I regret that I don't remember my immediate reactions to bf and npmd#they are insane and most of them are just 'oh my god' and 'he's just a little boy' whenever crumb was on#ALSO WHO THR FUCK WAS THAT MASTER DWARF CAN WE GET MORE DETAILS ON THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHI IS HE AND HIS WOODBLOCK#OK ALSO ALSO oh my god there are too many thoughts in my brain. also. so it's basically confirmed they want to be Beauty and the beast and#snow white now right?#were there any other fairytale references?#ok fuck it finally last thing verrrry intrigued by how much the audience were clearly part of the story
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thanes-krios · 1 year
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What it is about kind male video game companions that male gamers absolutely HATE?
I've seen it happen with Dragon Age's Alistair, Mass Effect's Kaidan, and even lowkey KOTOR's Carth Onasi (emphasis on kind, not necessarily nice, cause dude had a bit of an attitude in the beginnning). Now I'm seeing it with Gale of Waterdeep from Baldur's Gate 3.
Men hate him! Admittedly, many women seem to also hate Gale (Though from what I'm observing, it seems to be because his romance is bugged in a way that doesn't recognize when you've rejected him, so to many it comes off as not taking no for an answer -- but that's the fault of the game, not the character). The other reason I'm seeing from women is that he supposedly doesn't respect boundaries, citing his relationship with Mystra, but... were yall listening to him at all?
1. This goddess took interest in him as a *child* prodigy, became his mentor, and then his lover??? That's sus as hell.
2. It's not like he and Mystra had personal boundaries set specifically for their relationship, and he decided to cross them, it was that Mystra has general magical limitations for magic users in general, and Gale thought he would be an exception because she treated him as special, and because his reasons for pushing his magical limitations were to restore a part of her she'd lost. I've also seen people say he downplays that as a simple mistake made in his youth, but from the actual conversation with him, it's very clear he regrets that so?? I don't get it. (maybe I'm misremembering or missing more of the story, I'm only at the beginning of Act 2)
But this post is a reaction-rant to seeing too many male creators on tiktok hate on Gale so badly it's becoming obnoxious. And their reasons are so weak, yet fuel hatred so strong. They just find him so annoying, and I guess to each their own, but I don't get why, and I don't get why men always seem to find those kinds of emotionally available, kind for the sake of being kind, male characters annoying.
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mamawasatesttube · 7 months
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timcassie is so compelling to me. they were not into each other even a little bit. it was such a messy coping mechanism fuelled entirely by grief. they were making out with each other because they were both substituting each other for kon. cassie was far more aware she was doing this than tim was. unironically, dating a girl here is one of the gayest things tim has done
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lloydfrontera · 10 months
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In my opinion, the reason the reunion scene was skipped was because the author couldn’t figure out a way to write it non-romantically and gave up after a while
honestly. i kinda agree with you nonnie.
it just. the set up to the scene is sooooo romantic. you have lloyd being absolutely devastated at the thought he's not going to see any of his loved ones ever again and that he's been dropped back into his terrible life, to the place he admitted he'd rather die than go back to,,, and then someone knocks at the door and when he opens it this is the sight that greets him:
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his best friend, the person he's closest to, the one he's spent years with, the one he promised a peaceful life at his side, the one he wanted to grow old with, the one he sacrificed everything for, the one he effectively gave his life to save, the one he thought he'd never see again, standing at his door, having crossed literal dimensional barriers to get to him, a soft and teary smile on his face as he tells him "i missed you"
like. c'mon.
i'm all for platonic interpretations, i'm aroace, i love me a good best friendship as much as the next guy, but,,,, isn't this,,, like,,, really fucking romantic??? extremely so??? am i??? reading too much into it?? because it feels really, really romantic to me.
and like you say. where do you go from there. what response could lloyd give that doesn't involve throwing himself at javier and clinging to him with all of his strength. what conversation could these two have that doesn't involve them seeing how truly devoted they are to each other. what resolution does their arc together have that isn't them spending the rest of their lives together, at each other's side, like they so dearly wanted to.
but. alas. that wasn't the story bk moon wanted to tell. and that's very much his right. i just think that if he didn't want me to assume there's no in-character and narratively satisfying version of that conversation that doesn't end with them kissing he should've at least tried to give us something. and not completely skipped it lol
but that's just my opinion too :]
#hey i got an ask#Anonymous#tged#the greatest estate developer#tged spoilers#lloyd frontera#javier asrahan#llojavi#ch 401#and like. god. this really was his favorite scene to write uh.#i just. i don't get it. what was going through his head. what was he thinking. what was the point of all of This.#i just need ten minutes locked in a room with him. preferably with a translator but i am willing to compromise. just gimme ten minutes.#i can make him spill the soup i know this#fuck if i think too long about how this is the. second last chapter we get. before we officially end the novel with the two of them sharing#a relieved smile at the fact they can finally live their lives together without worries. i do go a little crazy.#this would probably be a hot take if there were enough opinions about tged for it to be considered spicy in the first place. but. i don't#love the extra chapters. the one with javier making a wish to a shooting star is acceptable tho it does create more questions than answers.#but the others are. meh. i would've much preferred if tged had ended in ch 401 with an open ending. maybe ch 402 if only because i did want#to see lloyd interact with arcos and marbella as suho. but there would be no last minute shoehorned wedding in my ideal ending.#i just!! i don't like forced romance!!!! i don't like compulsory amato/heteronormativity!!!!!!#i want my fictional relationships to have proper build up and chemistry and to be narratively satisfying!!!!!!! fuck!!!!!!!#i'm good. i'm okay. this is fine. we're all fine.#anyway. yeah
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actual-corpse · 6 months
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Saw a YT vid with the title, "Fandom Can't Handle Asexuality"
You're right, they can't... Because it doesn't fucking exist to them.
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my 1 (one) stardew opinion is shane should not have won the bachelor poll
#stardew valley#like i love shane but his storyline is not improved by him being a marriage canidate#if anything his bland post-marriage dialogue and 14 heart event dampen the message#and clint would have been a GREAT bachelor#linus not so much because he would have suffered from the same post-marriage dialogue dampening as shane#and he's too much of a free spirit to be tied down to your farm#like maybe he'd have a similar romance path as krobus? like you don't get MARRIED married but you have a commitment ceremony!!!#and the wizard... need to be in a love square with the witch and caroline...#his hidden dialogue. the situation with abigail. his adulterous past. his condescending behavior towards the player.#i also don't think he'd marry the player though. would probably make you soul bonded or something#maybe it increases your health or smth? and if you get divorced your health gets cut in half for like a week while you slowly recover#idk i really like the idea of him cursing you if you divorce him. 'not a very mature way to express anger' my ass#clint... i need to marry him...#there's a mod which makes his storyline WAYYY too similar to shane for my liking#with him going to therapy and stuff#but it DID make him realize being around emily makes him uncomfortable which i really like#i think a good route for him to go down would be him recognizing that what he feels for emily is not love or even desire#it's anxiety. emily is nice to him which makes him uncomfortable because no one is nice to him#which he confuses for attraction and he confuses her kindness for reciprocation#i think if emily ever asked him out he would turn her down#like emily would come up to you and be like 'hey i realize clint has a crush on me and i think it's really sweet so i'm gonna ask him out'#and then she does and he just goes 'O-O erm... no thank you...'#which confuses emily but she accepts being turned down and later on#clint talks to you about it like 'i thought that was what i wanted but her asking me out made me really uncomfortable and i don't know why'#and in a romance route he gets with you specifically because you make him feel calm :)#originally i wanted to say this was my most controversial stardew opinion but a LOT of people hate shane. so#also emily shouldn't have won the poll either!!!#sandy would have been a MUCH better option to flesh out her character and the desert more#marnie would have been interesting considering her relationship with mayor lewis#and i hate penny so i would fuck her mom out of spite lmaoooo
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aroaessidhe · 5 months
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2024 reads / storygraph
Song of the Huntress
historical fantasy set in 8th century Britain
follows three characters:
a woman who has spent centuries leading the wild hunt & reaping souls after being tricked into it, who disguises herself as a human to enter the kingdom
the queen of Wessex who never lives up to the demands of the court, despite leading their people in battle - and after a battlefield defeat they turn against her
and her husband, the king, deals with magic and political upheaval as his brother tries to usurp him and conflict arises between new and old religions
bi woman MC, lesbian MC, ace man MC
#Song of the Huntress#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#This is - okay? some very interesting and complex characters#i liked the women of the wild hunt and I liked how aethelburg as a warrior queen is just sort of normal not some kind of girlboss thing#it’s very slow paced - I doubt I would have gotten through it if not for the audiobook#the historical setting and details and complexity of the plot is interesting#I did read it for the ace character so:#unsure how i feel about how his asexuality's the reason for the problem in their relationship. like the book tries to make it the issue tha#he didn't TELL her about it but.....but ultimately it is just his asexuality as the issue. idk. not that I don't think that this kind of#ace narrative shouldn’t be explored I guess. it was just a smidge too portrayed as him being the problem#I feel like if he were aroace at least it’d be like okay; she finds in someone else what he doesn’t want to give her#but he literally does love her romantically lol. which makes the subplot of the romance between the women like......ok she's cheating#bc her husband won't fuck her? not to minimise complex characters down to surface level ships but also….#the sapphic relationship is kinda undeveloped/insta attraction and not much else -the book is conscious of this &#I don't think it tries that much to convince us it's something more than that (other than how it affects the character's personal journeys)#but still. idk. I guess I do like that it doesn't conform to perfect-narrative-romances but evidently unsure about how it did so#this makes it sound like I hated the asexuality and the sapphic relationship - I didn't hate either I just didn't love them lol#also his sister is also aroace and becomes a nun and otherwise she's offscreen - lost opportunity imo!
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merlinmerlot · 11 months
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i finally finished bg3
and it only took me [looks at steam]
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SIX HUNDRED HOURS
#merlin.txt#w/ the new computer the rest of act 3 went by super quickly#honestly i dont think my computer and my sanity would have survived all those cutscenes#ANYWAYS initial thoughts:#cried like a baby. ending credits songs really really good. i can't WAIT to start a new playthru. HOWEVER:#oh my god the ending felt so fucking rushed. i was expecting like a typical rpg ending slideshow at LEAST but nothing???#like you only get One cutscene with your romanced partner (a short one too) but i don't get to see what everyone else is doing??? hello??#gale is literally like 'lets celebrate' and we don't get to see the celebration??? or at the very least a chance to talk to everyone again#like in act 1 and 2????#imo i think the most satisfying one was lae'zels. god i love her#also act 3 is hella buggy especially towards the end. a lot of broken dialogue. but ah well#OK NOW SPOILER THOUGHTS SAMMIE DONT LOOK:#the game Really wants you to turn illithid but i ended up just letting karlach do it ... i felt bad .. but like#i found the arc of my tav like. getting So close to going full power hungry and martyr and hero only to finally be humbled like -#'you dont have to always play hero' was really interesting. like doing that and then hearing the post credits 'the power' song. gshldgksmal#guy who is soo miserable abt the fact that all their cool illithid powers are now gone. has to go back to being normal#ALSO. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE ENDING AST SCENE. HELLO?#HIM RUNNING AWAY FROM THE SUN. IT BEING COMPLETELY PLAYED FOR LAUGHS. SO MEAN#any other time i may have laughed but the fact that you dont really get epilogues made that Really sting.#THE FACT THAT THE COMPANIONS ARE NOT EVEN NICE ABOUT IT??????
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horsemage · 5 months
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I think we should bring back basic etiquette lessons such as shutting the fuck up when you’re watching a movie in a group that is not exclusively your friend group 🙂
#welcome to another Mick Airs Out Their Grievances and by god is it a VERY long one#prob best if u don't expand the tags#am I being maybe a bit meaner about this than I would be for any other movie? maybe but pac rim is one of my favorite movies of all time#so I think I get a pass on this one.#one of the groups on campus is hosting movie nights & I went to this one bc I've only ever watched pac rim on my laptop and wanted to watch#it on a larger screen. yay yippee I love this movie!#there r maybe 10-ish of us in this room and a three person friend group is sitting on the couch one of whom has seen the movie and two who#have not. okay so far so normal.#and then the movie starts and they won't! stop! fucking! commentating! the whole fucking movie!!! I don't have a problem with doing that#when I'm in just my friend group because I know that I can tell my friend to stop talking or pause the movie or whatnot but not when I'm in#a large group w people I'm not good friends with ffs#and the comments aren't even funny or anything they're all oh this is JUST like in iron widow!! oh they're SO gay and autistic!!! and#they're talking so loud about this that it completely drowns out the movie audio which has already been turned up a few times#like. be considerate!! some of us want to yknow actually listen to what's going on and not whatever bullshit you're saying#I nearly walked out three or four times before I actually wound up doing so#I may have been a bit of a bitch at the end but I don't care. I got up to leave because this was not an enjoyable environment and one of#them offered to turn the movie down if it was too loud. this caught me a bit off guard since I expected them to still be so wrapped up in#their convo and. well. I may have said 'it's not the movie that's too loud' before closing the door#this also reminds me a lot about my issues with online shipping culture and it bleeding through into how we interact with media irl#this is probably heavily influenced by my aromanticism but I'm so sick of people constantly reading romantic relationships into everything#AND placing more importance on those relationships than any other form. I don't mind romance in media. I think if done right it has great#emotional impact on a story but when a movie is running and when other people who may not want to hear it are in the room watching it too#is not the time to be loudly saying 'he's autistic!' 'they're in love!' 'she has a crush on him!'#I have my own interpretations of the movie some of which agree with what they said and some of which don't but that's beside the point of#knowing how to coexist politely in public#anyway. I think they were awful and annoying and they ruined my night out.#I think I'm just so incredibly mad about this because I love the movie and I was looking forward to watching it in a group of people who#found it cool as well while still having some modicum of politeness#I almost wish I had been meaner but that's the extreme annoyance talking I think#hater hour over love u guys bye
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stormyrainyday · 5 months
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man growing up without any privacy is a fucking trip what do you mean i'm scared my mom found my imagine dragons CD it's imagine dragons for fuck's sake why would i get in trouble for that
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averygayplant · 10 months
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We all agree Dash is gay, right Like seriously. Genuinely. Bro's got that classic big strong jock internalized queerphobia, I'm not crazy??
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mewharley · 4 months
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so idk how to explain when I think someone is good looking
because it's a rare occurrence and like I just agree that they look good, that have some charm but that's that
I don't actually want to pursue anything with them or be sad if they have a partner or think about them after that or smth, idk what people actually do or think when they see someone attractive ??? (I've seen people try to give them their contact info and I'm like what but you don't know them ???)
that being said, I had never seen Bruno Mars before but that man is (was?) good looking
pretty wild because when i notice it's about women not men
but I was watching some videos and I'm like ??? how ??????
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depresseddepot · 1 year
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trying to determine which parts of my relationship with sex are asexuality, which are trauma, and which are autism is like trying to have a conversation with three people talking loudly and all at once
#just to be clear: asexuality as a result of trauma or neurodivergency is still asexuality. full stop no debate.#anyway because i love oversharing on tumblr dot com: feeling very sex repulsed on this day#i was joking with some guy about fighting each other (specifically said ''you ever fight a girl over 200 lbs? id break your ribs'')#and like three different people said something like ''well that would probably turn him on''#and. listen. i get it. that was a joke response to my joke threat#but what i felt in that moment and still feel now requires nothing short of academic study to understand#first of all: how dare they make me feel embarrassed in a social setting when i was doing so well.#secondly: why the fuck would me making a threat make them instantly think of sex#thirdly: how fucked up is my body image that i hear that and immediately think they're all out of their minds#i like fat women. i am personally attracted to fat women. not (usually) sexually but i do think they are very nice to look at#so why is it so hard for me to accept that someone else could find me attractive as well !#i think about being in a situation where a relationship and/or sex is a real possibility and i flinch like its going to hurt me#but why???? where is this aversion coming from !!!!! i am a hopeless romantic i daydream about romance all the time#so whats the deal here. is it subconscious bc of my asexuality and i associate romance with sex?#is it because of my autism where i associate romance with touch and am afraid i am too unempathetic to have a chance?#or (most likely) is it just because im so fucking scared of trusting someone that even the thought makes me nauseous#did this all crop up from a throwaway sex joke? yes#but people don't make sex jokes to me. people don't even pretend to allude to me being cute#this same group of people said a few weeks ago ''at least you're pretty''#which. is not the case!!!!!!! people do not say those things to me because they don't want to even slightly entertain that idea !!!!!!!#and i am extremely tired of having my life upended because of this#i have always been treated like i was ugly and teased about it and i FINALLY have managed to be okay with not being attractive#and now that im okay with it: NOW is when the pretty jokes start. im fucking angry about it actually#i can't be both. i cannot think of myself in terms that abstract. i am one or the other#and this leads me to believe that people think i COULD be pretty. but the catalyst is that i am fat and therefore cannot be attractive#which just makes me more angry!!!!!!!!!!!#how can i be completely indifferent to sex and attraction without seeming juvenile. i don't care so so much#but every time that sort of thing happens i feel like im 13 again and the hot jock is talking to me#i need to be put down. something's wrong with this one (me)#i realize i can't stop people from making sex or appearance jokes but god i wish i fucking could
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