#otp: she's like the wind

[elephantlovemedleys]

After the initial hugs and greetings from the lathered-up welcoming committee, including yours truly, putting on my most convincing friendly face, the hunky actor asked if he and I could step outside so he could have a moment alone with me. He [Patrick] took my hand and led me down the hall a little ways. Once out of earshot, we turned to face each other, Patrick scanned me in my cut-off black tights, dance briefs rolled down, a sports bra and vintage blue satin high heels, and said, “Whoa. You clean up good, girl.” “This is a great part for you. Congratulations.” “I know, right? It’s crazy.” This was softening me up. It felt good to be able to share my news with someone I knew. “I know, you’re probably thinkin’, ‘Aw, no, not this idiot again.’ ” Then his eyes started to well up. Real tears. And with the most earnest delivery imaginable, said, “You know I’ve always loved you.” He stared into my eyes. “And I’ve been really workin’ on gettin’ my shit together. So, if I get the chance, I swear I’m gonna make it up to you. You will not be sorry.” I said, “Uh-huh.” He smiled and was working hard on getting me to smile back. “C’mon, you know if we did this together, we’d kill it.” There was no question that our bodies liked each other, in spite of what my head was saying. There has never been anyone with Patrick’s combination of grace, brawn, sensitivity, and fearless, reckless gusto. - From Out of the Corner: A Memoir by Jennifer Grey (2022) PATRICK SWAYZE and JENNIFER GREY in DIRTY DANCING (1987) dir. EMILE ARDOLINO

[breadmecoshy]

Fem!Giorno and Fem!Abbakio

Giorno: just exists

Abbakio: bangs head against the walls, growls furiously, mentally beats himself with a tire iron

My little meow meow

[winepresswrath]

Its the jiao jiao anon again .

You keep giving me great pairings. Tell me everything how su she (Shang Qinghua) transmigrate and how will fuck jiang cheng. Is he still an author ? What was his intention with this kinda book?

I think he is still a writer but not the actual author of mdzs. He's a relatively casual fan who admires the vision and winces in sympathy every time drama gets kicked off. This is why you don't try, mdzs author! You give the people what they want and take their money. He's originally planning on keeping his head down and learning just enough cultivation from the Lan to make his life easier than it otherwise would be, then getting an urgent letter from his sick mother right before the Wen are scheduled to attack, but alas, his wandering not-cultivator dumpling sabbatical puts him directly in Jiang Cheng's path while he's frantically running for help after leaving Wei Wuxian in the Xuanwu cave. And the thing is he's still kind of reflexively haughty when he needs something? So pathetic and vulnerable. So cute. What could possibly be the harm in giving him a ride? The Wen aren't scheduled to attack Lotus Pier for ages. He can be on a ship to Dongyin by that time!

Anyway no good deed goes unpunished because Jiang Fengmian does as a general rule believe in giving credit and naming names. He should have fucking known. Now Wen Chao has a grudge against him and he's running around under a fake name wracking up credit for things he did (while trying to run away) and things he did not do (sometimes even when you have a massive army and the most powerful cultivator in the world on your side, things go wrong! He's not responsible for every problem with Wen supply lines. He's responsible for exactly one cart blowing up, and he was just trying for a distraction so he could sneak onto a ship. It didn't work and the harbour is kind of a no-go zone for him now). He comes up with a new plan: find Huaisang and use his shitty unwanted heroic reputation and talent for creative pornography to worm his way into the young master's guard, where he can get some writing done far from the front lines. Unfortunately, he once again stumbles across Jiang Cheng, who is tragically trying to rebuild his sect and searching for a missing shixiong. Shang Qinghua is still a logistics guy, because he was doing grunt work for the Lan and also I feel like that's the shape any transmigration setting is going to bend into around him. Jiang Cheng is so grateful to see a familiar face. He knows the value of a good spreadsheet. His eyes are so pretty when he's trying not to cry. The Jiang aren't in a great place during the war, but Shang Qinghua knows the sect makes it through and he doesn't remember any Jiang disciples being asked to heroically sacrifice themselves after Lotus Pier falls. Plus the food is better and there's plenty of room at the top! A veritable power vacuum. To say nothing of all the empty space in Jiang Cheng's personal life when almost everyone he loves dies and leaves him alone! Anyway this is the story of how Shang Qinghua accidentally paints a series of targets on his back, unnecessarily involves himself in the plot, and overcomplicates his life because being a sucker for a pretty face and a bad personality is even more integral to his character than underappreciated grunt work. Probably he manages to save Yanli, at least. He's not interested in being a stepfather! That's a lot of work. Wei Wuxian barely notices he exists until either he saves everyone or the second life roles around, depending on how ambitious and/or motivated Shang Qinghua is feeling. Then he hates him passionately, but it's too late. They probably eventually reach some kind of begrudging peace.

[codenamesailordarillium]

Listen I am not here to rain on anyone's parade but I've got a bone to pick with certain headcanons or speculations I've seen recently regarding River & "14"

Like, just the idea that she couldn't tell 10 and 14 apart. She could. 100%. If there's anyone in the ding dang universe that would know those are different regens of the Doctor on sight despite the same face it would be her.

She's not mistaking 10 for 14 when she tells him how young he looks in the Library. River is already well aware that 10 came before 11 and is younger, she had the wallet full of the Doctor's faces from 1 to 11 in THoRS, all in exact meticulous order including the War Doctor.

Pre-Library River had adventures with post-Library 10, this was canon from the beginning. Moff in fact intended to show some of their time together had he convinced David to stay on for another season. Some of those confirmed adventures with 10 are now available via BF to boot.

Like, there's room for angsty headcanons & fic ideas without completely undermining & underestimating what are basic components of River's character. No. 1 being she knows all the Doctor's faces. (And personally in my opinion that means she learns about all of them, even after 12. Because she's River, her spouse & love of her life is also the subject of her life's work/academic study. She's a flippin' time-traveling archaeologist and would be smart enough to piece together there were future regenerations and tell them apart, especially after 12 confirms to her 'a thing happened' on Trenzalore that gave him more.)

[fleurriee]

— cat’s out of the bag ; spencer reid

pairing ; spencer reid x fem!reader

synopsis ; you thought you and spencer were good at keeping your relationship a secret. spoiler alert: you weren’t.

themes ; fluff, established (secret) relationship

warnings ; none!

author’s note ; first time writing for spencer after having watched criminal minds. i’m in love with him so it was only fitting that my mind starts coming up with ideas for him — send in requests for spencer!!!!

main masterlist request a fic

You and Spencer had agreed on one thing when your relationship first started:

“Let’s keep it just between us for a while.”

Not because you were ashamed — far from it — but, because the BAU wasn’t exactly known for being a quiet, private place. The second Garcia caught wind of anything remotely romantic, you’d both be wearing couple t-shirts and getting shipped like characters from a CW drama.

And, it was nice for a while.

You lasted four months.

It started with a coffee cup.

Specifically, the one with Spencer’s name on it, sitting at your desk.

Morgan strolled in that morning with his usual swagger and an armful of case files. He was halfway through a yawn when he spotted the cup and froze mid-step.

“Hey, Pretty Girl?” he called over his shoulder. “Why’s Reid’s name on your latte?”

You didn’t even look up from your desk. “Oh. He picked it up for me.”

“Uh-huh.” He narrowed his eyes like a detective in an old noir film. “And when did Reid start remembering your custom order down to the almond milk and two pumps of caramel?”

You finally looked up. “I… mention it a lot?”

Morgan snorted. “Okay.”

The next day, he walked into the breakroom to find Spencer standing very close behind you, reaching for the same muffin. There was laughter — soft, easy — and then Spencer let you have it with the kind of look that didn’t belong in any HR-safe workplace.

Morgan didn’t say a word. Just walked out with his coffee, grinning.

“Gotcha, Boy Genius.”

Penelope Garcia’s superpower wasn’t her hacking skills — (though, yes, she could probably access the Pentagon with a shoelace and a floppy disk) — it was her intuition. Especially when it came to anything involving hearts, unspoken feelings, or long looks across briefing tables.

So when she noticed Reid texting someone with a tiny, goofy smile on his face during lunch, her curiosity sparked.

She sidled up next to him.

“Who ya texting, Dr. Reid?” she sing-songed, peeking at his screen before he could lock it.

He jumped. “N-no one. Just… a friend.”

Garcia narrowed her eyes. “Since when do you call Y/N ‘sunbeam’?”

Reid’s face turned the color of a fire hydrant. “It’s — it’s just a nickname. She — uh — likes the sun.”

“Mmhmm.” Garcia leaned in. “Reid… are you dating my girl?”

His silence was answer enough.

She let out a tiny shriek, clapping her hands. “I knew it! I knew it! My OTP is real!”

He groaned and buried his face in his hands.

To her credit, Garcia didn’t spill — not yet.

But the sparkle in her eye was pure chaos.

Prentiss wasn’t nosy — she was observant.

So when you came into work with what looked like Spencer’s scarf around your neck and a sleepy smile that screamed I didn’t sleep in my own bed, she raised an eyebrow.

But she didn’t say anything until a week later.

The team had just wrapped a case in Portland and were gathered at the airport. You and Spencer were seated across from each other at the gate, trying — and failing — not to play footsie under the chairs.

Prentiss watched the whole thing, sipping her coffee like it was a reality show.

Later, on the plane, she slid into the seat next to you.

“So, when were you planning on telling me?”

You blinked. “Telling you what?”

She tilted her head toward Spencer, who was sitting two rows ahead, hunched over a book — but not before sending a not-so-subtle glance back your way.

Prentiss smirked. “I was a teenager once too, you know. I recognize the ‘pretending not to stare at my crush’ look.”

You flushed. “It’s not like we’re hiding it — ”

“But you are,” she said, patting your arm. “Don’t worry. I’ll let you come out in your own time. Just… maybe don’t play footsie where Rossi can see. He’s got surprisingly good peripheral vision.”

You genuinely thought Rossi wouldn’t notice.

He was older, more focused — a man who’d seen it all. Surely, he wouldn’t pick up on subtle glances or the way Spencer’s hand lingered on your back a little too long after briefings.

You were wrong.

He invited you both over to his house for dinner, claiming he was “trying a new risotto recipe and needed test subjects.”

The moment he caught you stealing a bite from Spencer’s plate with zero hesitation, he set down his wine glass and gave a slow, smug smile.

“Interesting.”

You froze mid-chew. “What is?”

“Oh, nothing. Just watching young love blossom over truffle risotto.”

Spencer choked on his wine.

You coughed. “What makes you think —?”

“Please,” Rossi waved a hand. “I’ve written three books on behavioral profiling. You think I can’t tell when two people are secretly dating?”

You opened your mouth.

He held up a finger. “Don’t worry. My lips are sealed. Just know I expect to be invited to the wedding.”

You both gaped.

He raised his wine glass. “Eventually, of course.”

Hotch was the final boss.

You and Spencer had been very careful around him — no lingering looks in the field, no brushing hands in the briefing room, no coordinated lunches. You were practically platonic professionals around him.

Until he caught you.

It happened at 9 p.m. on a Friday. Most of the team had already left, and you and Spencer were still in the conference room, finishing paperwork.

You thought you were alone.

So, when Spencer reached over and laced his fingers through yours, pressing a kiss to the back of your hand, you let your guard down for just a moment.

And Hotch walked in.

He stopped mid-step.

You both froze like teenagers caught making out on a porch.

Hotch blinked once. “Should I… come back?”

You yanked your hands apart. “No! We were just — ”

“Finishing paperwork,” Spencer blurted. “Very platonically.”

Hotch raised a brow. “You were kissing her hand.”

Spencer blinked. “Right. Well… not that platonically.”

There was a long pause.

Hotch sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Just — no PDA at crime scenes, okay?”

You both nodded, mortified.

As he left, you could swear you saw him smirk.

You didn’t plan to tell everyone. At least, not in one grand announcement.

But the BAU had other plans.

It happened during a rare, sunny weekend BBQ hosted at Rossi’s estate. Everyone was scattered across the lawn — beer bottles in hand, kids running around, music playing.

You were helping Garcia string lights along the fence when she casually said, “So, when are you and Reid going to make it official-official?”

You nearly dropped the string of lights. “What?”

She pointed. “Oh, don’t play coy, sweet pea. Everyone knows.”

You blinked. “Everyone?”

Morgan, walking by with a burger, grinned. “Oh yeah. We’ve had bets running for weeks.”

Prentiss added, “Morgan owes me twenty bucks. I said you’d crack before Valentine’s Day.”

Rossi raised his glass. “Cheers to the happy couple.”

Even Hotch gave you a nod that could only be described as… warm.

You turned to Spencer, who looked equally horrified and relieved.

“They all know?” he whispered.

You nodded. “Apparently for a while.”

Garcia beamed. “What gave it away? Everything.”

You and Spencer exchanged a look.

Then you both laughed — loud, breathless, incredulous.

So much for secrets.

Later, as the party mellowed into dusk and someone lit a bonfire, Spencer pulled you close beneath the string lights.

“Do you think it’s weird… that I’m kind of relieved?”

You looked up at him. “Relieved they found out?”

He nodded. “Yeah. It’s like… I don’t have to keep something good hidden anymore.”

You smiled, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “You’re not something I want to hide, Spencer.”

He looked at you then, all soft eyes and quiet awe.

Even in a team of profilers, even under the most watchful eyes — you and Spencer had managed something rare.

A love worth noticing.

[queereads-bracket]

Queer Fiction Free-for-All Book Bracket Tournament: Round 3

Book summaries and submitted endorsements below:

Moby-Dick or, The Whale by Herman Melville

Endorsement from submitter:

Ishmael & Quee(r)queg do it better than your OTP ever could. "[W]hat's all this fuss I have been making about, thought I to myself—the man's a human being just as I am: he has just as much reason to fear me as I have to be afraid of him. Better sleep with a sober cannibal than a drunken Christian" “ How it is I know not; but there is no place like a bed for confidential disclosures between friends. Man and wife, they say, there open the very bottom of their souls to each other; and some old couples often lie and chat over old times till nearly morning. Thus, then, in our hearts’ honeymoon, lay I and Queequeg—a cosy, loving pair.” “ At length, by dint of much wriggling, and loud and incessant expostulations upon the unbecomingness of his hugging a fellow male in that matrimonial sort of style, I succeeded in extracting a grunt; and presently, he drew back his arm, shook himself all over like a Newfoundland dog just from the water, and sat up in bed, stiff as a pike-staff, looking at me, and rubbing his eyes as if he did not altogether remember how I came to be there, though a dim consciousness of knowing something about me seemed slowly dawning over him. Meanwhile, I lay quietly eyeing him, having no serious misgivings now, and bent upon narrowly observing so curious a creature.” “ I drew my bench near him, and made some friendly signs and hints, doing my best to talk with him meanwhile. At first he little noticed these advances; but presently, upon my referring to his last night’s hospitalities, he made out to ask me whether we were again to be bedfellows. I told him yes; whereat I thought he looked pleased, perhaps a little complimented.” Plus, the entirety of “A Squeeze of the Hand” Insane work.

"It is the horrible texture of a fabric that should be woven of ships' cables and hawsers. A Polar wind blows through it, and birds of prey hover over it."

So Melville wrote of his masterpiece, one of the greatest works of imagination in literary history. In part, Moby-Dick is the story of an eerily compelling madman pursuing an unholy war against a creature as vast and dangerous and unknowable as the sea itself. But more than just a novel of adventure, more than an encyclopaedia of whaling lore and legend, the book can be seen as part of its author's lifelong meditation on America. Written with wonderfully redemptive humour, Moby-Dick is also a profound inquiry into character, faith, and the nature of perception.

Classics, American literature, nautical fiction, adult

Wayward Children series (Every Heart a Doorway, Down Among the Sticks and Bones, Beneath the Sugar Sky, In an Absent Dream, Come Tumbling Down, Across the Green Grass Fields, Where the Drowned Girls Go, Lost in the Moment and Found, Mislaid in Parts Half-Known, Adrift in Currents Clean and Clear, and other stories) by Seanan McGuire

Eleanor West’s Home for Wayward Children No Solicitations No Visitors No Guests

Children have always disappeared under the right conditions; slipping through the shadows under a bed or at the back of a wardrobe, tumbling down rabbit holes and into old wells, and emerging somewhere... else.

But magical lands have little need for used-up miracle children.

Nancy tumbled once, but now she’s back. The things she’s experienced... they change a person. The children under Miss West’s care understand all too well. And each of them is seeking a way back to their own fantasy world.

But Nancy’s arrival marks a change at the Home. There’s a darkness just around each corner, and when tragedy strikes, it’s up to Nancy and her new-found schoolmates to get to the heart of the matter.

No matter the cost.

Fantasy, portal fantasy, mystery, magical realism, boarding school, novella, series, adult

[yukidragon]

Sunny Day Jack - Sins, Stripping, Sex Work, and Shame

I’ve got a hankering for some adults only OTP indulgence. Specifically I think it’s time to indulge in the stripper Joseph idea I mentioned a while back.

Now, before we begin, I want to emphasize that sex work can be quite a complicated issue. I initially came into this ramble with the goal of writing some Joseph and Mary fluff with the added spice of stripping and lap dancing on top. I even used this picrew to make a sweet and spicy picture of Joseph seducing Mary while she’s wearing his tank top to get in the spirit of fun and flirty sexy times.

Just another fun, silly, and sexy AU idea, you know?

However… when I started getting into the darker shades to make the lighter colors stand out more, well…

Let’s just say I couldn’t stop myself from digging into Joseph’s psyche and why he has such a negative view of the man he used to be in the present day as Jack. So this ramble stopped really being about an AU - let alone a lighthearted one - and instead delves into the backstory I’ve given Joseph for Sunshine in Hell before he got the role of Sunny Day Jack. There’s just an additional little bit of what if canon divergence thrown in on top.

Sometimes rambles just wind up running away with me like that. Once I started thinking about what led Joseph to a life of stripping and prostitution, things just kept progressing from there. So I wound up painting a much darker picture than I initially intended it to be. Be sure to heed the content warnings in this mature post before proceeding further.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

Content Warning: This post contains talk about sex, sex work, childhood trauma, child neglect, abusive relationships, bullying, cheating, chronic illness, drug usage, body shaming, slut shaming, religious guilt, suicide, homelessness, internalized homophobia, and other such heavy topics.

Don’t worry though, there’s a little sweet and spicy short story of OTP goodness in the final part of this ramble. Feel free to skip straight to the fluffy NSFW finale if you want to give the heavier topics a pass. There’s also a few more quick short story snippets throughout.

As some of you may remember from previous rambles, in the timeline for Sunshine in Hell, Mary (Alice’s past life incarnation and Joseph’s childhood friend/first love) has a surprising reunion with Joseph as an adult while he’s a homeless drifter hitchhiking along the side of the road. I even wrote a short story about it a while back. It was pure chance, a cosmic happenstance that brought these two lonely souls back together again that they both treated as a miracle, resulting in a reunion filled with tears, kisses, and laughter.

Before the pair were reunited, Joseph made a lot of choices that he’s not proud of, both for love and for money, which includes sex work and toxic relationships. Mary knew about his past as a young and dumb kid, even getting swept up in his rule breaking at times like sneaking into a movie theater, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell her just how low he had fallen after they were separated.

Joseph Cullman believed himself to be flawed, filthy, and unworthy of love. That’s why he tried so hard to remake himself into someone new, someone better. When Mary found him, he was between jobs, so he was able to hide his dirtiest secrets from her.

No one had to ever know, especially not his sunshine.

But if the time and place of their reunion shifted just a bit, Joseph would be totally exposed in more ways than one.

The Empty Space Where Love Used to Live

Okay, I know everyone (including me) wants to get down to the sexy stripper Joseph seducing Mary stuff right away, but my mind just wouldn’t jump there without exploring how we got here in the first place. Becoming a stripper or sex worker wasn’t exactly something Joseph wanted to become or took pride in.

After running away from home, Joseph had to make his way in life all alone, with no one to support him, and no one to care whether he lived or died. All he had was the clothes on his back, an incomplete education from teachers who constantly called him worthless, and his body to scrape some sort of living together. He had to do a lot of hard labor in order to get by, in more than one sense of the word. His heart was scarred and heavy, both from the things done to him and the things he did. His sense of self-worth was pitiful, and he was so very, very lonely. The only person who ever truly loved him was gone… stolen from him first by her uncaring parents, then by death itself.

Though the rumors of Mary’s death were quite exaggerated at the time. Not that poor Joseph knew that.

If it had only been a rumor that Mary had died, Joseph would’ve refused to believe it. He was a stubborn kid, and school was a hellscape full of rumors, vicious slander, and fighting. But rumors weren’t his only evidence. Even years on, he still vividly remembered that moment in her bedroom that brought him such sorrow and joy all at once. She told him herself while in tears how her doctor was certain that she wouldn’t live to see adulthood.

Mary didn’t want to die with regrets, so she confessed her feelings for Joseph, and he reciprocated. She had been hiding her feelings for a while before that, as she was worried about ruining their friendship. Perhaps she could have continued to hide her feelings to spare him the pain when she died, but she didn’t want to waste the time she had left denying her feelings any longer.

Joseph wanted to fight that death sentence, but how? They were just teens, scared and confused. Even doctors with years of education didn’t know how to help Mary. They couldn’t even give a name to whatever was killing her. There was no internet to search for symptoms back then, and no trusted adult in his life with sage advice. The most he had was just a library with pages and pages of medical books that he would have to flip through one by one, each page packed to the brim with terms that he didn’t understand.

Joseph couldn’t even fight back against her parents when they forbade Mary from seeing him again. They flipped out at him, threatening to shoot him with a shotgun if he snuck into their home ever again, or even just set foot on their lawn. They went so far as calling the police on him, though fortunately nothing more came of it than a stern lecture from a couple cops.

Joseph did try to see Mary again despite these threats, but they never amounted to anything in the end. Adults saw him as a punk, a misbehaving brat, and even if he sought out help, they simply told him to leave her alone. The Phoenix family didn’t want a “worthless” troublemaker “corrupting” their daughter. His own parents didn’t want to deal with the hassle of his “teenage drama,” since he would “just get over it” and find someone new soon enough.

No one understood just how much Joseph loved and wanted to be with Mary, or vice-versa. They were seen as just two stupid kids with a silly crush in the eyes of adults, just a bout of puppy love that would fade out sooner or later. High school romance was rarely more than a fleeting thing. To their parents, young love was more like fireworks, an explosion of hormones that create an exciting thrill that quickly fades and draws the immature and inexperienced teen to seek out that spark again in someone new.

Joseph resented such condescending attitudes and metaphors. He knew damn well what he felt for Mary was far deeper than that. He would never just forget her so easily, as if her presence in his life meant nothing. Just because he was young didn’t mean that what he felt wasn’t love.

Joseph knew what shallow, empty love looked like. He saw it every time his parents bothered to remember to say that they loved him. Their version of love was nothing more than a performance, a lie to appease themselves and whoever might have been watching. Such fake love could never fill the hole left in his heart.

What Joseph and Mary shared was nothing like the hollow “love” his parents showed him all his life.

This led to Joseph lashing out at home, at school, against his parents, teachers, authority figures, his peers, and even random people. The world was cruel and unfair. He had been shown this fact time and time again. When he found one bright spot of light in his life, the world tore it away from him and snuffed it out like a candle.

Maybe it wouldn’t have hurt so much if Joseph never knew love at all. The cold can’t bite as hard if you’ve never known what it feels like to be warm.

The thought that Mary was dead broke something in Joseph. While he had gotten into trouble and acted out at times to get attention, up until this point, he had simply been a reckless class clown that didn’t know when to quit. Sure he had gotten into fights before, mostly taunting bullies that threw insults his way or Mary’s, but his troublemaking behavior was mostly just a cry for attention. It was childish and obnoxious, not malicious or vindictive.

When Joseph was finally forced to accept the idea that his sunshine was gone forever and that no one cared about her passing or how much it hurt him, his anger bubbled over and no one could reach his heart again. He was violent, insulting, and downright cruel. He hurt, so the world deserved to hurt. He stopped trying anymore with his parents. He wanted their love all his life, but it was always empty, and their dismissiveness over his grief and the loss of Mary made him give up on that love too.

After all, it was hard for Joseph to believe that a person was even capable of love at all when they treated his pain as nothing more than an annoyance in their lives.

“What? You’re still hung up about that girl dying? It’s been a month already. You have to get over it if you’re going to get anywhere in life. You can’t keep using this as an excuse to keep whining and slack off.”

“For goodness sake, stop crying. Real men don’t cry. Sigh… When will you finally grow up already? It’s not as if she was family.”

And so on and so forth. The house Joseph grew up in never truly felt like home.

Joseph did try to find love again even after that. It was only natural for humans to seek happiness and affection. We’re social creatures after all. The things he used to do for fun didn’t bring him the joy they once had, so he looked elsewhere. The rules he circumvented were more easily broken now, as were laws. The vices he gained during his teenage years - smoking, alcohol, bullying those who he felt wronged him, rebelling against authority, picking fights, tattoos to express the bottled up feelings he couldn’t really put into words - they offered him rushes of pleasure that distracted him from feeling so empty. Sure, much of the things he turned to during this time were destructive, but they made him hurt just a little less.

Why should Joseph care about what other people thought or felt about what he did? They certainly never cared about him even when he was trying to earn their approval. Who cared if he destroyed himself?

Tragically, Joseph did destroy someone in the end, but it wasn’t himself.

Joseph never meant for things to spiral so far out of control. He had known firsthand the trauma that bullying inflicted. He took it a bit far at times… but a certain student at school made him burn with rage.

In elementary school, Mary was the target of bullying. One person in particular took great delight in making her life miserable, and constantly left her in tears when they were children.

Joseph put a stop to it years ago in a playground brawl. Mary wasn’t happy that he got into a fight, especially since he got roughed up in the process, but she was grateful that he protected her. After that fight, her bully never dared come after her again.

That day, Joseph felt like a hero. He rescued Mary and defeated her wicked arch nemesis with his own brand of vigilante justice. He was the knight in shining armor that saved the princess from the wicked dragon.

The roles changed in high school. Joseph played the part of the villain now, but he didn’t care. He knew full well what he was doing now wasn’t heroic or noble. He couldn’t help but lash out at this former bully and anyone else who had hurt his beloved sunshine in the past. He went after kids that used to make fun of him even if they had long forgotten about such slights against him, or even forgot his name. He antagonized anyone who so much as looked at him wrong, dealing out damage with his fists and poisonous words. He took any excuse to lash out, goading others into a fight whenever he saw an opportunity.

Joseph was an avenger desperately seeking revenge without a real target to claim victory over, and no way to find true satisfaction.

Unfortunately that former bully understood that using Mary’s memory was the best way to hurt Joseph. When they retaliated against his bullying, they painted a blood red target on themselves when they outright taunted him about her death. They told him that they were happy that Mary died and that the world was better off without her.

This foolish teenager didn’t realize the hell they unleashed upon themselves until it was already far too late.

From that day onward, Joseph had it out for Mary’s former bully in particular. He still lashed out at anyone in his path, but he wanted this person to suffer. He wanted them to feel his pain a thousand fold. Day after day, he tormented them, beat them up, insulted them, sabotaged them, and did everything he could to make them hurt far more than he or Mary ever did. He was relentless, and only grew more incensed every time the bully used his sunshine’s name and memory to retaliate against him.

At first it was a war - bully vs bully - but Joseph was far worse than his opponent ever was, and the war wore down Mary’s former bully over time. Teachers didn’t want to get involved and just let the kids sort things out between them. So long as the kids kept the fights out of their sight, the teachers could look the other way. They only had to intervene when it interfered with classes or they couldn’t get away with ignoring it without getting into trouble themselves. Sure there were disciplinary reports, detentions, and lectures, but these things barely slowed Joseph down from his mission of revenge.

Joseph soon learned how to deal out more pain with his words than his fists. Sure his fists did damage, even if it left him with bruised knuckles, but it wasn’t enough. But words… oh words seem so innocent, so deceptively simple and childish when compared to spilling blood or leaving bruises, but if used correctly, the pain words inflicted was far more devastating than any cut or broken bone.

Over time, Joseph figured out what truly hurt his classmate psychologically and dug into their head. Soon his voice was echoing in their thoughts even at home, in their sleep. His well placed attacks on their vulnerabilities seeped into them like a poison.

Even when his opponent no longer had the will to fight back, Joseph did not relent. He ignored stern or desperate pleas for him to leave them alone, no matter who told him. Punishment from adults did not deter him. The defense of friends just gave him more enemies to fight. Tears did not move him, especially when they came from someone who was his enemy, someone who he only saw as cruel and unforgiving. Without love, he had no mercy to give anyone.

For the rest of his life, Joseph wished that he did.

They were gone from school for at least a week before the announcement was made over the school public address system. Tragic news. Suicide. Anyone who knew the deceased were highly encouraged to see the school counselor immediately.

Once the shock wore off, Joseph finally understood the damage he had done… as did many of his peers.

“Murderer!” was the final word Joseph heard shouted at his back when he fled from Haberdae High for the final time. He had nothing but a half-empty backpack and some fresh bruises to take with him when he ran away. He ran and ran and ran with no destination in mind. He kept running long after he stopped being pursued.

Unfortunately, Joseph could never outrun the sins he had committed and the stains they left upon his soul.

Once upon a time, Joseph was the hero who saved the kind soul who brought light into his world. Then he became an avenger seeking justice where there was none to be found. Now he was the villain, fleeing from the punishment he knew that he richly deserved.

Although running away like he did was a spur of the moment thing, Joseph had considered leaving for a while now. There wasn’t much there for him in his hometown anyway. His parents didn’t want him, the teachers hated dealing with him, and his peers didn’t care about him. He never fit in there. People preferred to forget he even existed when they weren’t talking down to him. The only good thing to ever come from his hometown was Mary, and she was gone. Forever.

So even after the surge of panic and adrenaline calmed down, Joseph kept walking. He walked and walked and walked until his body just couldn’t take it anymore. He wound up sleeping in a ditch that first night.

It was the first of many nights sleeping in a ditch.

Joseph couldn’t go back. His parents’ house had never been home to him anyway. The only home he ever knew was in the moments he shared with Mary, where he felt accepted and loved. He had no family who would support him, no friends to rely on. He doubted anyone would care that he was gone. In fact, they’d most likely be relieved.

All Joseph could do was wander, searching for a new home. A new life.

Joseph Cullman was a monster, a murderer. He was worthless, useless, and unwanted. He was someone filthy and unworthy of love.

He never did stop running from what he had done. He left it all behind him, his sins and even his name. He reinvented himself, taking different names, different attitudes to try and turn himself into someone new, someone better.

Joseph Cullman was better off dead anyway.

There wasn’t a goal strictly in his mind, but there were some fanciful dreams leftover from his childhood. If he made it all the way to Hollywood, maybe he could get spotted by a talent agent and make it big on TV or in the movies. He could become someone new in such a big city, someone who would shine like a star. He could be someone everyone admired and adored, someone worthy of friendship and love.

Maybe then love like he once found in his sunshine might find him again someday.

Hard Labor

Reality wasn’t as kind as his fantasies. Joseph could only make it so far on foot, and hitchhiking brought its own risks and costs. He ran away with little more than the clothes on his back, and only his body to pay for his food and shelter.

Joseph took whatever job he could get that didn’t ask too many questions or require an education, even if it might have been sketchy. At first, this was mostly hard manual labor like digging ditches, washing cars, yard work, and the like. Such jobs took advantage of the desperate and were soul crushing. He was overworked and underpaid. Every day left him exhausted and sore.. He barely made enough to eat and have a place to sleep at night.

An unexpected bonus to all his backbreaking work were the muscles Joseph built over time. He was always active and fit, but this constant physical labor day in and day out was more demanding than any workout routine.

Unfortunately, a muscular physique didn’t get him any closer to those lofty dreams of a better life.

As Joseph bulked up, he started to experience another unexpected perk to physical labor. He noticed eyes always wandering across his body, especially when he would go shirtless in the hot sun. It was attention that he wasn’t used to, both alluring and a bit uncomfortable.

The stares and catcalls could get a bit much at times, involving degrading language along with unexpected and unwanted touches. It was dehumanizing at times. Some people made him feel less like a human and more like a piece of meat for them to drool over.

At the same time, it was more attention than Joseph used to get, and he was starved for it. He felt so painfully alone. Being harassed was a small price to pay to not be invisible and ignored. He was strong enough to fend off anyone who took things too far, and he knew how to fight, so he could overlook the downsides of all the attention. He tried to see if he could turn that attraction to him into something more meaningful and lasting. When someone with a nice smile flirted with him, he flirted back. He tried to be charming to those who were kind and friendly with him. He went out on many dates, searching for someone, anyone who could see that there was more to him than just his body.

Joseph wanted to be more than just a piece of meat to someone. He wanted real love.

It didn’t go well. Joseph was still getting used to his new identity, how to behave, and how to really connect with people. However, it can be difficult to connect authentically when someone is hiding who they are, lying about their background, and hiding many secrets. His relationship with Mary came so easily. He could be open and vulnerable with her, but with others he struggled. He misread warning signs and took words of love at face value without realizing that they were just as performative as the new name and identity that he gave himself.

Even though he learned that “I love you” can be a lie from his parents, his desperation to be loved still made him want to believe it when someone new who actually paid attention to him said it.

Romantic relationships rarely ever lasted. Joseph never seemed to be good enough, no matter what he called himself. He let himself fall in love hard and fast when he was treated kindly and showered with sweet words of love and flattery. He was an easy target for people who knew how to manipulate others to get what they want, which usually was just sex with him. His heart was crushed again and again as he kept giving it away to just about anyone who gave him positive attention and told him what he wanted to hear.

Joseph learned how to use his body well, both in work and in the bedroom. He took more stock in his appearance and kept trim but muscular so that his lover’s eyes hopefully wouldn’t wander to someone new. Some of his relationships shamed him if he “let himself go” by gaining a few pounds when he finally started eating well, so he would add a workout routine on top of all the hard work he was doing. He got better at sex to entice his lovers to stay just a bit longer, but wound up in toxic relationships that were built off lust instead of love.

Joseph just wanted to be loved, desired, needed, but he was always left feeling used in the end.

Accepting money in exchange for sex was a gradual progression. Joseph loved receiving gifts from his dates. It made him feel special and important, and it was even more meaningful to him when he was struggling to keep himself fed, clothed, and sheltered. Unfortunately, his dates didn’t actually put any real meaning into the gifts, as they were just “playing the game” when it came to dating.

Give the right gift and say the right words to the person they’re interested in, and they’ll get sex at the end of the date. Then they move on to the next person and repeat the process. Maybe they would take him on a second date sometime when they were feeling horny again.

Joseph caught onto the pattern, but he still kept falling for it anyway. He hoped that if he was just so charming and seductive, so unforgettable that they would stay... that maybe desire could turn into something more.

This was what led to Joseph unintentionally becoming a sugar baby to a closeted gay man who was terrified of being outed. The 70s and 80s weren’t exactly known for being open and accepting of any sexuality but straight after all. Money, presents, and empty but addictingly sweet words of love were used to make up for treating Joseph like a dirty secret. What made him feel even more filthy was discovering that lover was actually married, and he was the affair partner.

Despite all the problems and red flags waving in his face, Joseph struggled to leave the relationship. It was the longest relationship he had since he was with Mary. He didn’t want to lose someone close to him like that again. He wanted to believe that what the two of them had was really love. He opened himself up to his lover and gave so much of himself, trying desperately to make it work between them. He told his lover things that he previously held back then dating others. He let more truth about his past slip in among the backstory he crafted for his current identity. That vulnerability made him cling to the relationship longer than he should. He wanted so badly to have a love that would actually last.

The excuses his lover gave to placate Joseph were flimsy when scrutinized. In retrospect, Joseph wished that he didn’t ignore the warning signs. But his lover seemed so sincere, and those sweet lies were told so convincingly with so much emotion that he let himself believe them again and again.

His lover promised him the moon and all the stars, and he did it so well.

His lover might have been a cheater, but the man insisted that he and his wife were in the final stages of a divorce. In fact, she was already seeing someone else too. His wife was abusive, and he needed to leave her for his safety. She was unhinged. She was terrible. He was pressured into the marriage by his heavily religious family in the first place. He didn’t love her. He never loved her. He only loved Joseph. Joseph was handsome, sweet, attractive, wonderful, and every other beautiful word in the book. He only wanted Joseph. This whole mess would be resolved soon and then it would be just the two of them forever. All Joseph had to do was just be patient and trust him.

And on and on and on the excuses went…

It was nice having money and an otherwise comfortable life, but Joseph couldn’t stay in the relationship. It wasn’t good for him, and he couldn’t live in denial forever. While the nights of passion were intense and his lover’s words were so alluring, the mornings were always empty, with only a wad of cash and a note on the nightstand left behind to keep him company.

For as desperate as he was to be loved, Joseph eventually was forced to face the fact that he was nothing more than a plaything for a rich older man.

The beginning of the end came when Joseph overheard his lover talking to someone else. To his horror, he learned that he wasn’t the only one the man seduced into an affair. There were other people who also fell for this cheater’s honeyed words of love. He even met some of them when his lover convinced him to participate in orgies. He thought that they were an acquaintance joining him and his lover to spice up their love life. At the same time, the other people were led to believe the same thing about him.

The more Joseph pulled at the threads to find the truth, the more it all unraveled. There was no divorce. There never was one. The wife was actually a lovely, sweet woman who was good to their kids. Kids. There were kids involved in this mess, and Joseph never even knew that they existed this entire time! It was hard enough to deal with the fact that his lying, cheating lover had a wife, even with all the excuses, but it made Joseph feel sick that he participated in creating a broken home for those kids.

It reminded him uncomfortably of his own childhood.

The wife and kids didn’t deserve to be treated like this. Neither did Joseph.

The fallout wasn’t pretty. Not that Joseph stuck around long after he burned everything down to the ground. He left that town and the name he made there behind him, running away from the entire messy affair and his heartbreak.

Though Joseph did make sure to leave evidence of the affair for his ex’s wife to find. It was both a way to atone for what he did and to get revenge on a cheating scumbag who played them all for fools with empty promises and lies about love. He hoped that the wife would take the kids and find someone new who would give them the love and respect that they deserved.

Joseph hoped to find someone like that too.

Fortunately Joseph learned from the last time he ran away, and he took as much of his sugar daddy’s money and gifts with him as he could. He sold whatever he couldn’t fit in his backpack and started over from scratch yet again.

Joseph was a bit more jaded about other peoples’ intentions after that when they showed interest in him. He still made an effort to be friendly and even flirty, but he was more guarded with his heart when he eventually tried dating again.

Sex without love wasn’t fulfilling, but it was fun, and it could pay the bills. A quick handjob was cheaper than paying for a taxi cab. A sweet smile, even sweeter words, and a choice glimpse of cleavage and a tight tank top could entice a kind soul to let him bum a cigarette or an extra cup of coffee.

Sex also had a way of distracting Joseph from his loneliness. In those moments of passion, he could convince himself that he didn’t need anything more than this pleasure. He could convince himself that what he was sharing with the person he was dating was love, or at least just as good as love. He tried to be satisfied with pleasures of the flesh and the hope that maybe he might find real love someday. He finally had attention, admiration, approval. He was desired, wanted, needed. The rush was addicting, even if the highs never lasted long.

Digging ditches didn’t pay nearly as well as strip joints, and there were plenty of seedy places in every town. Respectable strip clubs don’t have the strippers moonlight as prostitutes, but Joseph wasn’t really taking jobs at any respectable places. The places he found work at least allowed him to vet out the customers who would pay good money for a private show versus the ones who were just looking for a cheap thrill. It was safer than looking for a john at a bar or on a street corner. He took advice from his coworkers with more experience in the business about how to spot good clients and how to protect himself when things got dangerous.

It wasn’t the life Joseph ever imagined for himself. It all finally hit him just how far things had gone when he was watching his copy of a porno he starred in. Watching himself have sex with a bunch of strangers he barely knew in exchange for money made it sink in that he had become a prostitute.

Joseph never thought his life would turn out this way. A few years ago, the very idea was completely unthinkable. He wanted to be a star, but not like this! Sure, the porno was a small-scale affair, not even with an actual porn studio, but seeing himself like that on his TV made him realize that strangers were going to watch him, judge him, and get off on it.

When did things get so out of hand? Joseph got swept up in the rush of sex and attention. Things never seemed so bad in the moment. The next step never seemed quite as far as he would’ve thought. He accepted gifts, then he accepted cash. He stripped for attention then a job. He had sex to feel love, then to forget his loneliness, then to gain the security only money could give in a capitalist society. He got swept up in things, the idea of lots of easy money for a fun time, and a chance of finding love through attraction and pleasure.

Watching himself from the outside and knowing that countless other people would only ever see him as just a piece of meat and nothing more finally made him realize what he had become.

It wasn’t an entirely negative experience. Joseph found that he enjoyed being watched and watching others. It was a shameful, but thrilling feeling, exciting and even addicting. Sex was fun, exhilarating, and even liberating. He loved to show himself off and be the person everyone looked at with admiration and desire.

But it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t love.

At the end of the day, that was what Joseph really wanted. He wanted someone to love with his whole heart who loved him just as fiercely. He wanted to bring these intense pleasures that he discovered into a relationship that was built on more than just fleeting moments of passion. He wanted that lingering satisfaction and security that only love ever gave him.

Society shames sex workers, and Joseph wasn’t immune to that internalized shame. The fact that he enjoyed it so much, even if only in the moment, just made him feel even more shameful when the high faded. It made him feel dirty and worthless when he wasn’t lost in those exhilarating rushes of pleasure and attention. He constantly tried to distract himself from such negative thoughts, but he couldn’t escape them when he was left alone with only his thoughts for company.

Selling his body was thrilling and profitable, but it left Joseph feeling ashamed, unfulfilled, and empty inside.

When was the last time he had gone to church? His parents used to drag him there every Sunday when he was a kid. It was never a fun experience. He didn’t buy all the bullshit that the priests were always selling, but he wasn’t free of the internalized shame that was hammered into him and the rest of the congregation. Shouldn’t he feel ashamed for that too?

Then again, what was the point of going back now? He was probably damned to hell either way.

Joseph couldn’t exactly afford shame when he was homeless. Sex paid the bills without breaking his back. Sure, he had to get regular checkups to make sure that he didn’t catch anything. Sure he had to worry about stalkers, potential pregnancies, and he hadn’t had a good relationship since…

Mary. Joseph never found someone who made him feel as happy as Mary. For all the excitement, pleasure, and attention he achieved now, it was always so empty in comparison to the time he spent with her. Sex alone never gave him that contentment, peace, and love that he craved so, so badly.

It was funny. For all the rush sex gave him, even the new exciting kinks he discovered, none of it compared to that sunny smile of hers and those sweet kisses she gave that filled him up to the brim with love.

It all made Joseph that much more desperate to find love again, and sometimes he convinced himself that he did, only to realize that he was being used yet again. He didn’t realize that his desperation for love was obvious enough to make him an easy target for people looking to take advantage of the caring and vulnerable. Every failed relationship made him feel just that little bit more jaded and unlovable.

It made him wonder if he could ever find love again.

Joseph went by so many names, reinvented himself so many times. He started over in town after town, working his way towards Hollywood and that nebulous idea of becoming something better than he was. He wanted, needed to be something more than a piece of meat to be devoured, used, and then discarded like trash.

He wanted to become somebody who didn’t have to use pleasure and excitement to distract himself from feeling so worthless and unlovable.

Love and Self-Loathing

Joseph was ashamed of being a sex worker, though he respected others in the business, and he would fight anyone who dared to insult the few friends he made there. Some people genuinely loved the job and made it work… but he never could find that same love for it that they did. He, like so many others, got into that line of work due to a lack of options and wanted something better as soon as possible.

Sex work isn’t an inherently shameful job, but society plays a big part in projecting strong feelings of shame and disgust onto it. It’s also a dangerous job due to laws that are broken and lack of protection for sex workers. Joseph was not immune to the negative feelings society impressed upon the profession even as he participated in it. This perception only added to all the ways authority figures and his peers ground him down over the years with feelings of worthlessness.

Joseph felt disgusted by how much he enjoyed selling his body, at least in the moment. Once the rush of lust and euphoria was over and he was left in the afterglow, he felt cheap and used. Filthy. It was as much of a damaging rush as the nicotine he kept smoking or the coffee he drank too much of… or the “party favors” he sometimes partook in with partners or clients.

As filthy as sex without real love made Joseph feel, it was also the best way for him to make a living and distract himself from how much he hated his life and himself.

A big theme behind the 1984 incident is Joseph getting exposed. The mask of Sunny Day Jack was torn away and all the dirty secrets that he desperately tried to hide were laid bare before the nation and Mary. Everything he didn’t want anyone to know, especially not his sunshine, was revealed in the most damning way possible.

Hiding these shameful parts of his past played a large part in Joseph losing himself in the character of Sunny Day Jack, both in life and in death. He could forget the man underneath the makeup in the rush that stardom gave him, but this time the euphoria came with a squeaky clean image that he didn’t have to feel ashamed of. As Jack, he was finally someone admirable, famous, and adored. Sunny Day Jack was the type of person Joseph always wanted to be as a child, with the love that he always wished for.

It was also tied to the miracle of finding his sunshine once again.

Fortune smiled on Joseph when Mary spotted him hitchhiking on the highway. She knew the name he was born with and some of his past shame, but those were innocent misdeeds, nothing more than the rambunctiousness of youth. Compared to everything else that came after their separation, the child he used to be was positively charming. It wasn’t that hard for him to bury his deepest shames in the past and pretend those years without her never happened at all.

Joseph hid so many secrets from Mary, while she shared just about everything with him. He felt guilty for not being as open as she was with him. She still loved him, still wanted him even after so many years apart. She was so accepting of him and his flaws. She was drawn to him as a person, not as a tempting hunk of meat. His body was just another part of him, but it wasn’t the main attraction for her. Being on the asexual spectrum, sex was never a priority for her. It didn’t matter to her if he had a six-pack or if he was a scrawny twig. She encouraged him to eat well and take care of his health first. It was his heart and soul that drew her to him. She loved him even when he had nothing to offer her but his own love in return.

Joseph hated himself. He hated himself so much. But he loved Mary far, far more than he could ever hate himself. He was convinced that she deserved better than him. He knew that the noblest thing he could do would be to let her find love with someone who wasn’t carrying so much baggage, who didn’t do so many scummy things, who didn’t crave her love like a junkie in withdrawal.

If Mary had been in a new relationship with someone else, maybe Joseph could’ve stepped back and let her go. Maybe he could lie and pretend that he was happy for her. Maybe.

Or maybe he was only lying to himself to think that he could ever let her go again even if there was someone else in her life.

The relief Joseph experienced when Mary ran into his arms and kissed him was a kind of euphoria that put all his sexual encounters to shame. She remembered him. She missed him. She loved him. All the hurt and years they went through weren’t strong enough to destroy this bond between them. She still longed for his love just as much as he did hers.

There was no chance of Joseph making a noble sacrifice after that kiss. Just hearing Mary use that cherished nickname she gave him, yer eyes bright and brimming with tears as she wore the most gorgeous smile ruined any possibility that he might stay away from her. He might not deserve her after everything he had done, but he couldn’t let her go again. He wasn’t strong enough.

That was why Joseph wanted to give Mary only the best version of himself. He needed to become someone worthy of all the love she gave him, or at least act the part. She deserved the very best in everything. She deserved the world. She filled his life with love in a way no one else could. After losing her once, after trying and failing so many times to find love again, he now knew for sure that there was only one person in the world who could ever make him feel complete.

Joseph tried to be whatever Mary wanted or needed him to be, though he never said as much out loud. He quit smoking because of her health issues, even though the withdrawal was hard on him. He tried to speak more gently and smile more. He tried to be more mindful. He took all the lessons he learned about charming people to be more sociable and romantic, and his psychology classes helped him better understand how to handle people. He learned from all the mistakes he made with his many failed attempts at romance. He wanted to be the best partner possible, the ideal lover. He wanted to be someone who could never be replaced.

Sunny Day Jack served as a fantastic template for the type of person Joseph wanted to be. Everyone loved the character. He loved the character.

Mary always said that Sunny Day Jack was inspired by Joseph. She and others told him that was perfect for the role and really brought the character to life. The kids showed him so much admiration and love too when he interacted with them in person. Joseph could never quite see himself in Sunny Day Jack, though he wanted to very much. He wished that he could be half as good as Sunny Day Jack. The character was so good, so pure, so worthy of love. To him, Sunny Day Jack was everything Joseph Cullman wasn’t.

Even still, Joseph tried everything in his power to become the best Sunny Day Jack there ever was. He refused to disappoint his sunshine and all the kids who loved him so much.

Joseph wasn’t perfect, despite all his efforts. Every time he slipped up, got a little too loud, a little too abrasive, fear crept in. He couldn’t shake the doubts that he didn’t deserve Mary and everything she brought to his life, and in those moments the fear whispered poison in his ears. It pushed him to try harder. Too hard.

Mary didn’t just bring her love into his life. Through her, Joseph got the part of Sunny Day Jack at LambsWorks. He got the chance to become a star, just like he dreamed of since he was a child. He had a new opportunity to reinvent himself as the actor James Haberdae. He had a clean slate with new people, a new chance to make friends, a chance to make a name for himself. He had fame, adoration, and respect.  He had the opportunity to be someone better.

It was like a dream… and Joseph was terrified that someday he might wake up.

Over time, in a world where the incident of 1984 never ended in tragedy, where Mary and Joseph got to grow old together, he would learn that he didn’t need to be afraid of his sunshine learning the truth about his past. She accepted him whenever his perfect mask slipped, comforted him and supported him when he was at his lowest. He lived to face the aftermath of his secrets being so cruelly exposed, and he wasn’t rejected for all his failings.

Despite his fears, Mary showed Joseph that he was never unworthy of love.

Not that Mary was happy with what Joseph did. It was all a lot to take in. Prostitution, bullying, drugs, dating a married person, and so on… but what bothered her more was how much he hid from her. It hurt that he couldn’t trust her with these parts of his story that made him the man she knew and loved.

She understood though. These secrets weren’t easy to tell. They were painful and messy. Mary and Joseph talked things through in the aftermath. There was a lot of talking and tears.

They made it work. Despite everything, in the end, they came together stronger than ever.

It also allowed Joseph to finally accept himself as someone worthy of love. He didn’t have to be perfect. He didn’t have to be flawless without a speck of filth on his soul. He didn’t even have to be Sunny Day Jack anymore. All he had to do was to keep choosing to do the best he could for himself and for Mary and be open and honest with her. That was all she ever really wanted from him.

Sadly, Joseph never got to experience this kind of closure in the main timeline of Sunshine in Hell. He died at his absolute lowest moment. The liar was exposed in front of everyone. They all knew the filthy, worthless man known as Joseph Cullman hiding behind all the masks and names he wore to hide his shame.

He lost everything. He lost his fame, his reputation, his love, his life, and then his sanity.

Is it any wonder why he’s now so desperate to convince himself that he really was Sunny Day Jack?

Exposed Early

Now, with all that buildup of backstory and how it connects to the main continuity of Sunshine in Hell, let’s see what would happen if Joseph couldn’t hide a part of his shameful past from Mary when they reunited.

Funny thing is I wound up writing out a short story about it instead of just a summary of events. It just goes to show that inspiration can sneak up on you.

…

Under normal circumstances, Mary would have no interest in a strip club. Being on the demisexual side of the asexual spectrum, seeing random people in states of undress never did anything for her. Plus there was also the internalized shame that her parents hammered into her about behaving like a “good Christian girl” and what not. They would bring down the thunder if they ever learned that she went to such a place, no matter how old she was or if she was living on her own.

However, sometimes people had to push themselves out of their comfort zone for the sake of friendship. This is especially true for people who struggled to make friends and didn’t want to lose the few they managed to get.

What her parents didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them, right?

Besides, this was a special occasion. A person only got married once (hopefully), so they should live it up for their bachelorette party.

Of course, Mary didn’t understand why the bride-to-be was so keen on watching men strip when in a committed monogamous relationship. It kind of felt like cheating to her, even if they weren’t married yet. The bride-to-be blew off any concerns, acting as though it was only natural. Even still, she told the soon-to-be-groom that the party would just consist of dinner, drinks, and chatting together at the maid of honor’s house.

It didn’t feel right, but Mary didn’t want to cause trouble. She didn’t know if it was her place to say anything and meddle in their relationship. She hadn’t dated anyone since she was a teenager, so she had no idea what it was like to get married. She didn’t want to risk the tenuous friendships on misgivings. She just did her best to swallow her discomfort and went along with the rest of the bridal party.

Even if the other members of the party got a bit too rowdy at times when they finally got to see the strippers perform. Even if the person getting the most hands on with the strippers was the bride-to-be herself.

Mary was mostly a wallflower watching as the rest of the bridal party cut loose, cat calling at strippers and waving dollar bills in the air. She hid awkwardly behind her glass of soda much of the time and tried to focus more on the club decor and the music rather than its scantily dressed employees or excited patrons.

At least she didn’t have to worry about making small talk while the others were fixated on the performers.

The performances were… fine? Not that Mary was a good judge of such things. The performances consisted mostly of muscular men gyrating to the music while undressing and giving the audience suggestive looks. Sometimes there was a gimmick involved like a costume, a pole, or juggling bottles of alcohol. Sure the men were objectively good looking, but watching them strut their stuff didn’t do anything for her except make her uncomfortable when things got a bit too raunchy at times.

The shows certainly worked on the other patrons, even if Mary didn’t quite get it. She was at least happy that her friends were having fun, even if she could do without the high pitched screams of excitement. Whenever a customer tipped especially well, the dancers would offer an extra special service. Sometimes it was a kiss on the lips, while other times it was guiding the customer’s hand to grope along the dancer’s chest. The really big spenders got to enjoy a lap dance or straddle the dancer’s hips and dry hump them.

At one point a customer was led away into the back by one of the dancers, much to the hooting and hollering of the crowd. Mary tried not to speculate what that meant, but it wasn’t hard to figure out anyway.

The big rule of the strip club was that the patrons couldn’t do anything unless guided by the dancer. The customers could only make requests, sometimes shouted, as they waved their money around in a desperate bid to draw the dancer towards them. Sometimes, the strippers would make something of a bidding war for their attention, teasing the customers by coming in close, only to be “lured” away by someone else waving around a larger bill in the air.

Money talked in this place, and a lot of it was flowing straight into some very tiny underwear that was fighting for its life to support both the cash and the large bulge the dancers would sway about.

Mary wasn’t exactly comfortable in the strip club, but it wasn’t as bad as her parents or church made it out to be. The place was mostly clean and security was pretty good about keeping the patrons from getting out of control. Though she did feel embarrassed when a security guard stopped by their table to give a warning when a couple members of the bridal party got a bit handsy with one of the servers after a few too many drinks.

The experience was awkward and a bit uncomfortable for Mary, but overall the strip club wasn’t a den of debauchery, drugs, and sin where the devil liked to play. It was just a place where people paid to show off the sexual side of themselves that they hid from polite society. Even if she didn’t understand the appeal of stripping like the rest of the audience, she could focus on being happy that her friends were having fun.

Though Mary could do without other members of the bridal party trying to goad her into stuffing her hard earned money into some stranger’s thong. Peer pressure might’ve brought her through the doors and pushed her to buy the overpriced soda she’d been nursing all evening, but even the power of friendship had its limits.

Not that Mary was especially close to anyone in the bridal party yet, but she hoped stepping out of her comfort zone like this might change that.

Mary came to the strip club opening to deepen her new friendships. She wasn’t expecting to see an old friend who she could never forget.

Of course, Mary didn’t quite recognize Joseph right away. He was introduced to the crowd under a different name after all, and she wasn’t really focusing on the dancers. When she finally noticed and recognized him, the realization caused her to spit out her soda and do a double-take.

…

I’m thinking that Joseph should have a fun and suggestive stage name like Randy Ryder, Chase Hardcock, Maxx Climax, or something like that. I went back and forth for quite a while about what stripper name feels most fitting or gives me giggles the most. In the end, I decided on going with Diablo as his stage name and Adam Lovegood as his “real” name. Though I am still open to changing the names if something else strikes my fancy more later on down the line.

…

Needless to say, Mary did not expect the muscular man with the tattoos who was sliding along a pole and stripping down to his underwear to the tune of sultry disco music to be her long lost first love.

Joseph, or rather Diablo as the crowd knew him, was lost in the excitement of the show, just as he was every time he performed. So many people were clamoring for his attention, desperately screaming “his” name while waving their money to lure him their way. They wanted him so badly he could taste it. In these moments, he forgot himself and who he was outside of the shows. He could enjoy the lustful eyes hungrily devouring his body and feel as if he was truly wanted and adored.

Mary spitting her soda got the attention of others in the bridal party, and some odd stares her way. Once again she was goaded and teased to participate, especially since she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the man pole dancing on stage.

In so many ways, the moment was as surreal as a dream to Mary. She couldn’t be sure this Diablo person was her Joseph, but what if. What if?

Then again… Diablo was reveling in the attention, the lust and intense energy of the club. He drew some of those in the front row close to touch him, to run their hands along his glistening body as he exposed more and more of his skin.

This Diablo person looked like Joseph, so much so that it made Mary’s heart ache, but he was so different from the Joseph she remembered.

Even still, maybe spurred by the goading of other members of the party, or maybe she couldn’t keep herself away because of the pull of what if, Mary finally stepped out of the shadows she hid in and approached the stage.

The showstopper Diablo was in full form that night. The crowd loved him. He took his time teasing customers who begged him for a kiss, drawing them close, only to get “distracted” by someone else’s desperate bid for his attention. He wanted them to need him so badly that it drove them insane. Only when the excitement was at a fever pitch would he finally choose his favorite for the evening and give them a taste of his temptation.

Diablo eventually selected a pretty thing with a big wad of cash and a nice smile. Their shameless begging drew him to them. He was inches away from giving them what they wanted when he caught a glimpse of sunshine.

Joseph froze when he saw her. Even after all these years, even with the glare of the spotlight in his eyes, he still recognized Mary. How could he not? She was older now, her body filled out with soft and inviting curves.

But what struck him the most were those eyes, those familiar beautiful blue eyes as bright as the sky at dawn. He remembered those eyes alight with joy or filled to the brim with tears. He could never forget the way she looked at him with so much love.

Joseph couldn’t quite place the emotion he saw in those wide eyes of her now, but her gaze pierced him right down to his soul.

“Diablo” hadn’t fumbled a performance since he was still a newbie, but he wound up losing his grip on the pole and the customer’s chin, and he hit the stage floor with a thump. The onlookers were confused by the disruption, and that unease pushed him back to his feet.

If there was one thing Joseph learned from performing, it was that no matter what happened, the show had to go on.

Besides, if the show fell apart, Joseph would get rushed off the stage, and he couldn’t let that happen, not before he got closer to Mary.

Maybe he was mistaken. Maybe this was just someone who simply looked like his sunshine. Maybe this was just his wishful thinking. Maybe he was hallucinating after so many times he lost himself to the memories of his first love. Maybe any or all of these things were true, but Joseph would never forgive himself if he lost this chance to be with Mary just one more time.

Diablo locked eyes with Mary. Normally he gave the patrons seductive, teasing smiles, but the smile he gave her was far gentler. There was so much emotion there in his smile and in his dark eyes that refused to look away from her to any of the crowd screaming for his attention. He brought up a hand and gestured for her to come closer.

Mary moved as if reeled in by an invisible string tied to his beckoning finger. She held some bills in her tightly clenched, sweaty palm, but she didn’t look too closely at how much was there. She just did as she was expected to do in this place and pulled out a wad of cash in order to catch the dancer’s attention. She whispered the name he abandoned long ago, but all the other voices drowned her out. There were so many people who wanted Diablo’s attention, but he only had eyes for her.

The show’s tone shifted subtly as Mary reached the edge of the stage, though most patrons didn’t really notice, too caught up in the usual atmosphere of the strip club and their own frenzied attempts to get “Diablo” to notice them. They didn’t notice how gently he touched this particular customer compared to everyone else, or the fact that he didn’t immediately take her offered money to do so.

Mary could hear her heart beating louder than the club music. His gentle touch blazed across her already burning skin. She struggled to speak, still caught between wanting to believe that this man was really Joseph and being afraid that she might be merely projecting his memory onto a stranger. The surroundings were alien to her, and the atmosphere so different from the moments they shared years ago, but the tenderness in the way he held her cheek and the longing in his eyes was so familiar. He made her want to believe.

“Starlight…?”

Despite the chaos around them, Joseph heard her soft voice, and that single word dispelled all his doubts. Joy, excitement, relief, shame, embarrassment, and countless other emotions created a chaotic mess inside of his mind. It was all he could do not to pull Mary up onto the stage and into his arms, but he managed to keep his composure… for now at least. He had gotten good at pushing his feelings away to focus on the energy of the moment, in playing the role he was given.

So “Diablo” kept the show going, flashing Mary a crooked, slightly teasing smile. “Hey there, Sunshine,” he said, and for a moment it was like they were kids again. He was back to being the rule breaking punk with that same cheeky smile who snuck in through her bedroom window to hang out behind their parents’ backs.

The memory struck Mary like lightning, and relief sent a shudder through her body. Emotions started to overflow her heart, brimming in her eyes as tears.

Joseph leaned in to speak softly into her ear so only Mary could hear him. “Come with me. We’ll talk somewhere more private.”

The reminder made Mary more aware of their audience and the mounting frustration of the other customers ignored by “Diablo.” She barely had time to nod before Joseph hopped off stage then scooped her up into his arms, eliciting a shriek of surprise.

“Diablo” smiled cheekily at Mary before regarding the audience. “Pardon me for stopping early tonight, sweethearts, but this lucky customer just bought a private show from me tonight.”

The crowd erupted in a mixture of hooting, jeers, and groans. It wasn’t unusual for a dancer to make a show of sweeping a customer up in their arms and making such an announcement in this particular club. It just usually happened after the dancer played to the crowd for a while and gave several individuals a more public show with kisses, groping, or lap dances.

The whole thing was too much for Mary to handle, especially since the bridal party were shouting the loudest of the crowd, cheering her on to “finally get laid” and how much of a  “lucky whore” she was. She had to cover her face in a vain attempt to hide as Joseph whisked her away backstage where the private rooms were.

…

Okay, I’ll admit, I didn’t expect to write 8 pages of a short story about the scene, but it just happened naturally as I was describing the scene and emotions. Gotta love these sudden bouts of inspiration in these rambles.

Despite the implication that Joseph gave to the crowd that he and Mary were going to have some sexy times backstage, what they did back there was anything but sexy. Emotions were running high and they were both relieved to be reunited, even if things were awkward and embarrassing for both of them.

Joseph couldn’t escape the question of how he wound up working in a place like this. He also couldn’t avoid his feelings of guilt and shame. Even though they had been apart for years and he believed that Mary was dead, he felt like he cheated on her. He feels that way to some extent in the main timeline too, but it hits harder when he was literally inviting other people to grope and kiss him right in front of her.

Sadly, there’s no immediate greeting kiss and hug in this AU. Things are too awkward and uncertain at the start of this sort of reunion.

Joseph never imagined that something like this could happen. He had been trying to heal from his sunshine’s death for years. He lost hope that he would ever see Mary again. Being with her again was an impossible wish of his, but now it came true in probably one of the worst ways ever.

Well, maybe not the absolute worst way ever, but this is still pretty bad.

Mary hoped to find Joseph again someday. They talked about their personal dreams for the future since they were kids, and she always liked to hope that he was out chasing one or more of those dreams. Most of all, she hoped that he was happy.

Well he was. Or at least he looked that way to her. Becoming a stripper was nothing Mary never imagined for Joseph, but it was clear that he was enjoying himself when he was up on stage. He obviously loved the attention, the flirting, the touching…

It seemed as if Joseph had moved on without her. He had grown into someone sexually liberated while she… more or less stayed the same. He was off exploring himself in ways she never dreamed, doing things that she would never dare. Meanwhile she never got comfortable with anyone else the way she did with him.

They had finally reunited after all these years, but weirdly it felt like there was this divide between them that was never there before.

Really, both of them would be spinning their wheels a bit once they’re alone together, trying to figure out what to say to one another. I can see Joseph being the one to speak up first, just feeling a desperate need to explain himself before Mary got the wrong idea about him. Of course, what initially blurts out of him is probably going to be awkward as hell and maybe a bit misleading.

This isn’t going to lead to a dramatic misunderstanding between them though. They’re just going to have some very uncomfortable conversation, and Joseph is going to have to explain some things that led him here. This means exposing a few more skeletons he wanted to leave buried forever in his closet.

Not all of them of course. Heavens no. Joseph isn’t going to unload everything on Mary after they’ve finally reunited. He just feels the need to explain things, to somehow soften what he did right in front of her…

He just needs to somehow stop himself from feeling so filthy and ashamed.

It’s funny that the initial idea of this AU was mostly lighthearted and silly images of Joseph pole dancing and stripping for Mary before giving her a lap dance as she gets incredibly flustered and turned on. While it’d be fun to imagine her being shocked and just going along with it all, it’d be a bit too intense for either of them to handle. There’s a lot of heavy emotions and scarring they both carry all hitting them at once without any warning.

Even if Joseph and Mary had an AU where they met for the first time at the strip club, Mary would be even less keen to just go along with sexy times. She’d hide in her shadowy corner, trying not to get anyone’s attention until the bachelorette party is over. There’d need to be some real shenanigans to get them to interact and bond.

Perhaps I could explore that possibility sometime, but that’s a potential post for another day.

Anyway, Joseph has been caught with his pants down here, both figuratively and metaphorically. Even his attempts to explain and smooth things over would be awkward and affected by so many intense emotions. It might even lead to him breaking down as the shame overwhelms him.

Mary is alive. Joseph thought she was dead. He mourned for her. So many sleepless nights he missed her in his life. She left this void behind when she was gone, one he tried so hard to fill again and again and again… and now she’s here to see him when he’s been reduced to… this!

Mary was the one person in the world Joseph could bear his soul to. She’s also the one person he can’t bear to disappoint. He disappoints himself every single day, and her discomfort is obvious. He ruined himself in her eyes. He ruined their reunion, their love…

Joseph doesn’t know when he fell to his knees, burying his face in his hands, but he does notice Mary embrace him.

For as strange and uncomfortable as the circumstances of their reunion were, Mary doesn’t see Joseph the way he sees himself in that moment. She knows that he’s changed, that much is obvious, but it’s only natural. It’s been years and they’re adults now. They lived different lives than the ones they led as children.

Men shouldn’t cry. It’s something hammered into all boys’ heads thanks to society, and Joseph was always told the same by his parents. Realizing that he started crying and having a breakdown in front of Mary seemed to him like yet another reason to feel ashamed of himself. It’s another sign to show that he failed to become someone worthy of love.

Yet Mary chose to keep holding him. She chose to stroke his back and head so tenderly, telling him gently that it’s okay. It’s going to be okay.

Joseph did mutter some things under his breath during his breakdown. It was mostly just fragments of his attempts to explain himself, but also the crushing feelings that he ruined everything. Mary didn’t understand all of it, but she got the gist.

“It’s okay, Starlight. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

And just like that, Joseph can’t hold back anymore. All the shame and sadness he buried beneath hate and temporary pleasures finally come rushing out of him in a bout of tears and desperate need. He clings to Mary like a lifeline, terrified that the world will take her away from him again.

It’s the most vulnerable Joseph has ever been. He’s on his knees in a seedy backroom with a bed where he slept with untold numbers of people for money, wearing only a tiny thong stuffed with dollar bills. There’s no distractions, no high to chase and lose himself in. Instead, he has the miracle that is Mary and the comfort she gives him despite everything he’s done and what he’s become. He can’t help but unload all the years of shame that had been eating him alive.

Mary can’t help but cry as well for Joseph, for the years they’ve lost, and for all the hurts they had to hold onto alone all this time.

There’s nothing like a good cry to unload so many pent up emotions. Eventually as the tears run dry, Joseph is left feeling spent, but just a little bit lighter.

…

“If this is a dream… I hope I don’t wake up ever again,” Joseph muttered.

Mary let out a small chuckle. It was clear to her that he didn’t mean to give voice to that thought, but she answered him anyway. “If you’re dreaming, I’ll just wake you up, sleeping beauty.”

Joseph caught the reference to one of their many old inside jokes. It was silly and reassuring, though not as reassuring as those arms wrapped around him, or the unexpected feel of her lips pressed against his crown. Instantly he lifted his head to see her flushed face as his sunshine had to look away.

“O-oh, uh… sorry,” Mary stammered, flustered. “I should’ve asked before doing that, shouldn’t I?”

This time it was Joseph’s turn to chuckle wryly. “You never have to apologize for kissing me, Sunshine.”

Mary struggled to look Joseph in the eye as he straightened up to face her properly. That crooked smile he wore sent her heart racing, and she was quickly reminded of not just their closeness, but his state of undress.

…

Needless to say, after they have a long talk about what they both really want, among other things, these two get back together. They’ve missed each other all this time, and they still love each other in spite of everything. They owe it to themselves and each other to at least try again.

Fortunately, things do work out between them… at least until the 1984 incident.

Perhaps they managed to somehow grow old together in this canon divergence. The butterfly effect and me being mushy for my OTP can do some pretty crazy things after all.

Regardless, Joseph quits all forms of sex work. It doesn’t feel right when they’re together again, and he doesn’t need anyone like he needs his sunshine. Instead he leaves with Mary to start over again with a new identity. He still has secrets that he holds back from her, but those will come out slowly over time when he’s ready.

After all, Mary saw Joseph in a state that made him feel so much shame, but still chose to be with him. She still loves him, flaws and all.

There’s plenty of conversations to be had between them in the future, but Joseph finds security in knowing that he can talk with Mary about the parts of himself that he dislikes so much. It’s never easy to talk about the mistakes that he’s made, but he finally has someone who loves him and wants to help him bear his burdens. He’ll bear hers too. It’s the least he can do to repay her for bringing love back to his scarred heart.

The fear of shattering the image Mary has of him is lessened by this exposure. She saw him when he felt so ashamed, so worthless, so filthy… and despite how much Joseph hated what he had become, she still loved him anyway.

It taught Joseph that he doesn’t have to hide his mistakes from Mary in order not to lose her.

Joseph still wants to change. He wants to be a better person, both for Mary and for himself. However, now he can see that maybe, just maybe he’s not as awful as he always believed himself to be.

When he starts over again with Mary, he gives himself the surname of Haberdae. It’s a reminder of his mistakes and a promise to himself to be better. Only in this AU, instead of using the name James, he decides to go by Joseph again.

While there’s nothing left he wants to keep of the Cullman name, Mary helped him see that there was still some worth in Joseph. Somehow she always saw worth in him when no one else could.

Even if it’s only in his sunshine’s eyes, her feelings for him are enough to weaken the hatred Joseph has for himself. In spite of everything he’s done, Mary has shown him that he is worthy of love, and he’ll forever be grateful for her.

Of course, once emotions calm a bit and things settle down, the two of them can turn his stripper days into another of their inside jokes. Joseph has plenty of dance moves to tease and tantalize his sunshine with. Mary certainly is going to get to enjoy plenty of private shows and lap dances with her beloved starlight.

When the topic becomes something a bit more comfortable, Mary even asks Joseph to teach her some of his dance moves. After all, even a retired stripper deserves to enjoy his own private show now and again~

The Sexy and Fluffy Finale

On that note, let’s jump into one last snippet and bring this post back to the fluffy, sexy, and silly idea it originally started out as. I think someone is owed a lap dance, don’t you?

…

“Watch closely, Sunshine,” Joseph practically purred as he sauntered towards her. He moved in time with the music, matching its deep bassy rhythm with the way he shifted his hips and ran his hands along his barely clothed body.

Mary swallowed hard as she followed his every movement with wide eyes. When he came close to her, she reached out for him instinctively. “Joseph…”

Joseph took a hold of her hands and clucked his tongue in faint disapproval. “Nuh, uh, uh. Touching the dancers isn’t allowed during the performance, Sunshine.” He brought her hands to his lips and kissed along her fingers as he locked eyes with her. “Try to keep your hands to yourself a little while longer. I promise it’ll be worth the wait.”

“O-okay,” Mary murmured as she watched Joseph guide her hands behind her back. She shivered when he then glided his fingers up along her arms before straightening up again.

It had been years since Joseph had put on such a seductive performance, but he found it easy to recapture that familiar rhythm. In fact, his movements came far more easily now and with a greater rush of excitement. The eyes watching his every move now weren’t just filled with lust. He could feel the affection in his sunshine’s gaze as well, the deep love and trust she had for him. The small, flustered smiles Mary wore as he drew in close to her were nothing but loving and warm.

Joseph adored the squeak Mary made as he rolled his hips against her lap. He ground himself lightly into one of her thighs, then the other, just giving a small taste of him to start. He wore his skimpiest pair of underwear, which couldn’t quite contain his cock as he became erect. He made sure to let her feel him grow harder by the moment, adding a bit more pressure to his gyrations against her thighs.

Mary gripped the chair’s backing tightly as she tried to keep still. Her body shook with each increasingly rapid breath, and she couldn’t help but squirm as her starlight ground his heat against her.

A small squeak escaped Mary as Joseph took a hold of her thighs and squeezed. He gave her one of his maddeningly sexy smirks before he leaned in to brush his lips against her. It was the softest of touches, barely more than the brush of a butterfly’s wing, and it only made her ache for more. Her lips chased after him reflexively to fall into a deeper kiss, but he remained maddeningly just out of reach save for the barest of touches.

“Not yet, Sunshine,” Joseph teased, hovering close enough that she could feel his lips shape the words against her mouth. “Soon, I promise. Just be patient a little longer.” He chuckled at the small, frustrated sound that escaped Mary as she tried to keep her back firmly pressed against the chair. “That’s it. Good girl.”

“Joseph…,” Mary said, his name coming out as a whine, unintended. That just got another chuckle out of Joseph and a slow roll of his hips against her already burning body. “Starlight…”

Joseph could help but bite his lower lip as he struggled to hold himself back from taking her right now. Driving Mary to this state, making her all but beg for his love gave him a rush that no crowd at any club he worked at could ever hope to replicate. The thong felt far too tight now to contain his excitement, and he needed to feel more of her. He made a show of rolling his hips  again before he moved to finally discard his final article of clothing.

“You’re doing so good for me, Sunshine,” Joseph all but purred. He could see Mary practically quaking in an effort not to squirm or reach out to him. He was drunk off her need, her love for him. It was all he could ever ask for. “Here’s your reward.”

Mary held her breath as Joseph took her hands and guided them to his chest. He didn’t have to do much prompting to encourage her to play with his body. She was only too eager to show how much she appreciated her one and only starlight.

Joseph groaned softly as Mary squeezed his pecs before teasingly tracing his nipples. He slid his hands along her arms before drawing her in closer to him, and she took that as an invitation to kiss his chest. “Yes, that’s it, Mary,” he cooed encouragingly before letting out a low moan as she flicked her tongue across his skin. “You’re doing so well.”

Mary let out a sound that was somewhere between a squeak and a whimper as she felt Joseph grind his hardness along her thighs and then her stomach. She tried to keep focus on leaving kisses all along his chest even as he ground himself against her. He was so careful not to put his full weight on her as he hovered over her lap, but he made sure that she could feel the pressure of his rock hard cock prodding her with his every movement.

Joseph let out a low moan of appreciation as he felt Mary’s hands work their way to his hips and grip him tightly. She started to use her tongue on him too, teasing and sucking his nipples each in turn. He loved the attention. He loved just how enthusiastic and eager he made his sunshine with just a little teasing, but he wasn’t about to give up the lead in this dance of his just yet.

Gently, Joseph grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled Mary back from his chest, taking great care not to be too rough. She made a small noise of protest, but thankfully not pain. He smiled triumphantly at her flushed face as she panted for breath and turned her beautiful blue eyes towards him.

“Mary,” Joseph said, his thick voice filled with so much emotion. “I love you so much.”

Mary smiled, and the sight of her just about made Joseph ready to melt. “I love you too, Joseph,” she said breathlessly. “So, so much…”

Joseph couldn’t hold himself back anymore. He seized her lips in a hungry kiss that claimed her as his, shivering in delight as she returned it with equal passion. Her tongue met his eagerly, and followed his lead in this sultry dance. He swallowed the small noises she made into his mouth as his hands wandered across her body to strip away her clothes. The kiss only ended with some reluctance to allow him to cast aside the last piece of cloth that separated them, which he flung across the room with a small note of spite.

They weren’t separated for long, as Mary wound her arms around his neck and pulled him back. She leaned in for another kiss, only to be thwarted when Joseph suddenly straightened up. Before she realized what was happening, she suddenly found herself scooped up into his arms, and she let out a squeal as she instinctively tightened her grip on him. “Starlight!”

Though Mary tried to sound alarmed or maybe offended at being picked up without warning, the note of laughter in her voice gave away her mock protest, and Joseph couldn’t help but laugh along with her.

Joseph gave his sunshine a crooked smile, his eyes smoldering with a hunger for her that he couldn’t contain. “I think it’s about time to switch from a lap dance to a private show, don’t you think?”

Instead of answering with words, Mary pulled Joseph in for another kiss, which he was only too happy to return.

[harmoniouseclipse]

Woe fankids be upon ye

Doing a little series where I took some ship requests on my instagram to make them fankids, this one is for me tho (jeanlisa to kick it off whoo 🙌🏻) The lineup so far is Cytham, Kavetham, Lionfish (aka Freminet x Gaming aged up probably idk how old they are canonically), Cynonari, Jealuc, and Beiguang, and feel free to send me some other pairings you wanna see (as long as they are legal pls otherwise I will ignore it 👎)

I'm gonna ramble about some headcanons and lore for them under the cut, continue with caution bc I'm insane

These two are my brainrot rn, don't even joke lad. And I wanna tell yall their name meanings too bc I like them a lot 🥹 Zephra's means "west wind" derived from Greek, and it's the feminine version of Zephyr. Tyrian was a type of purple dye used by the Ancient Phoenicians, huge huge HUGE thanks to my pookie bear @miothefish for helping me out with his name!!! Also he has Lisa's butterfly earring and you can't see bc of the angle but Zephra has the rose that went in her hair holding her ponytail <3

I'm also making a massive family tree for the characters as a go along, and just the jeanlisa tree is taking up half of the canvas bc of the KoF and Sumeru characters since Cyno is their uncle and the rest of the gang are their honorary uncles 😭 I'll be posting that once the series is done/all the requests are finished/I run out of ships and otps I enjoy

Here's an alternative version with some more info on most of the characters I wanted to briefly mention in their relation to them; Tyrian likes calling Eula his aunt too even though she was never really considered one for them so it's kind of like her unofficial title she pretends to dislike but she loves it and dotes on Tyrian 🤭 She and Diluc also helped train Zephra with a claymore and Diluc kind of became a parental figure to her in her teen years after Lisa's passing 🥺 She also feels like she's outshined by Jean and that she's not smart or powerful enough to follow in Lisa's footsteps (something that Lisa wouldn't want anyways bc it led her to her death 😔) rip zephra she's just like me fr

And yeah some Kaeya angst bc he's still going thru it I fear, and Jean is single mombossing but she's worried for zephra which me too dawg, im afraid to say she might be cooked 😦 Zephra is also kind of like a weird mix of Lisa when she was her age and Jean, where overall she's well-mannered and kind but she can be competitive and feel the need to push herself too much and pull a few strings to get what she wants from time to time. Tyrian is a ray of sunshine tho, he has not yet witnessed the horrors 💔 I do think that Jean is also a lot easier on him than her mom was with her so that also helps. He's very shy tho and wants to stick with Zephra or Razor most of the time, and they both have some nasty tan lines from going out with Razor and Klee and Fischl a lot 😔 Cyno also freaking loves them and dotes on them and Tyrian is getting a TCG addiction because of it smh, Cyno is also one of Zephra's favorite people and when she's in Sumeru she stays with him and Alhaitham (bc in my universe they are married ough I love cytham)

And (I think?) Klee physically and mentally ages slower than humans so I think she'd be technically 9 or 10, and Zephra is left with babysitting duty most of the time if she's home on break or smth 😭 Klee really looks up to her tho

Also, I wrote Tyrian's last bullet point like he was super young when Lisa died, but I think he was around 7 so he actually remembers Lisa better than I intended it to sound, he was just younger than Zephra (who was 11 at the time) and just didn't have as much time with her as Zeph did, but his most fond memory of Lisa was reading with her and she probably taught them some potion-making skills too.

I think there will be some abyss angst in here too at some point, since I hc Lisa to be probably an Abyss Lector/Harold (I forget which is which) um so thinking that Zeph and Tyrian experiencing some not normal things happening and Jean doesn't know what to do since Lisa also didn't really know what that dog in her was until it was too late 😔 That's what Kaeya's for tho since he's like the heir of the abyss???? Go off king. Also some touchy ragbros angst bc Kaeya is scared for Zeph knowing how close she is with Luc and he doesn't want him to push her away because of her being from the abyss or smth (they mostly made up but it's still a fear in Kaeya's mind both for him and Jean's kids)

I think that's all I wanted to touch on for now?? Mainly just thinking about domestic fluff and angst all the time now 🥺 Zeph not being able to be open with Jean bc she feels like a disappointment but Jean would literally actually die for her and shes proud of her no matter what ough im going to lose my freak dawg guess who my favorite fankid is it's super hard ik

Send me asks or dms or whatever for more ship requests!!! I'm having so much fun with this dawg 🫶🏻

[four2andnew]

Canon Couples and the Random Heights I Assigned Them

Just because I recently re-read this post and it's on my mind. Here's what I think these canon couples' final heights came to be and some justifications behind my thought process, as well as some headcanons. Let's start with my OTP -

Harry (6'1") and Ginny (5'0")

I'm kinda obsessed with the idea that 17yo Harry being the same height as his 21yo deceased father would grow just a couple more inches

Ginny being 5ft fits with her being the noticeably "smallest one" in the DoM during OOTP and with Harry being able to easily look over her head during the infamous First Kiss scene in HBP, putting her head at chest height of Harry (as of HBP)

Ginny is the only one who knows about Harry's petty satisfaction when he ran into Draco Malfoy some years after the war and realized he had continued to grow and Malfoy hadn't

James (5'11") and Lily (5'8")

Because they're both tall enough to be considered "tall", but not the kind of tall that is shocking

Lily being 5'8" makes her tall enough to have to look down at 14yo Harry in the graveyard scene of GOF

Ron (6'5") and Hermione (5'8")

In order for Fred and George to be "shorter and stockier" than 14yo Ron, but still slightly over 6ft so as to shrink to 5'11" in DH, I have to assume Ron's final height came to be one that most people would put in the "Holy shit you're tall" category

I know I'm going to get shouted at for Hermione's height, because she's never described as particularly tall in the books HOWEVER she's never described as particularly short either, just shorter than Harry

This 9 inch height difference give Ron & Hermione the perfect height difference for Ron to comfortably rest his chin on her head without having to hunch over awkwardly like Harry does with Ginny, so I'm sticking to it

Arthur (5'11") and Molly (4'11")

I know the movies made Arthur short and round, but he was described as thin in the books and all the Weasley boys wind up being pretty tall, so they had to get that from somewhere.

Molly is consistently described as short and dumpy throughout the series, and while Ginny is often compared to Molly physically, I just like the idea that Ginny managed to grow that extra inch that Molly never did.

Draco (6'0") and Astoria (5'11")

we know in DH Draco was slightly taller than Harry at the Malfoy Manor scene (p.457, U.S. edition of DH), so if we assume the like linked post above that Harry was 5'11" during DH, then I'd put Draco at 6 foot.

we literally know nothing about Astoria (CC doesn't count), but I picked 5'11" because it is the curse of all tall women to wind up with men roughly the same height

Lucius (5'10") and Narcissa (5'10")

we know Harry and Narcissa are the same height in HBP, so I put her at 5'10"

correct me if I'm wrong, but Lucius is never described as particularly tall, while Narcissa is. And of course, tall for a woman is average for a man. I put Lucius to be around around the same height as Narcissa because I just don't see Lucius' personality allowing him to be with a woman taller than himself.

also, see the curse of tall women above

[elephantlovemedleys]

Patrick had a gorgeous body. He had natural machismo. He was kind. Once I got going, in charge of my own experience, he became quite the asset. As soon as they said "Cut!" Patrick gasped, "Will you marry me?" And I said, "Definitely." So that happened. - From Out of the Corner: A Memoir by Jennifer Grey (2022) PATRICK SWAYZE and JENNIFER GREY in DIRTY DANCING (1987) dir. EMILE ARDOLINO

[blackbird-brewster]

Mom!Em Fic Recs

@bau-babygirl requested: Fics featuring Emily as a mom [X]

JJ/Emily + Kids

[Find all of these and more fluff in my Domestic Jemily collection on AO3]

Mother's Day by w00t4ewan (me) Rated: G || WC: 715 Summary: Henry helps Emily surprise JJ on Mother's Day

Dreams Do Come True by w00t4ewan Rated: G || WC: 2000 Summary: Emily and JJ take Henry to Disneyworld on their first family vacation.

Breakfast by w00t4ewan Rated: G || WC: 840 Summary: Emily tries to let JJ sleep in and winds up with her hands full of a certain toddler.

Love is an Open Door by w00t4ewan Rated: G || WC: 1010 Summary: Emily and Henry work together to plan an unforgettable evening for JJ.

Jemily Ficlet Archives by w00t4ewan Rated: M || WC: 31,000+ Summary: An unrelated collection of Jemily ficlets and headcanons which were originally posted on my tumblr and up until now hadn't been shared on AO3.

Sand by @otahkoapisiakii (Phoenix_Falls) Rated: G || WC: 2630 Summary: JJ and Emily incorporate Henry in their wedding ceremony

Steps by Phoenix_Falls Rated: G || WC: 4670 Summary: Modified prompt from tumblr: "you asked me to the store with you and your child, and now my distant relative we met thinks im married with a baby"

Darwin by Phoenix_Falls Rated: G || WC: 831 Summary: Henry has an odd nickname. Likely takes place in the same verse as Steps, but 11 years later Mittens and Hats by @velutluna Rated: G || WC: 1944 Summary: JJ and Emily take their sons for a walk in a winter wonderland.

Perfect by velutuna Rated: G || WC: 660 Summary: A perfect evening at the home of the Prentiss-Jareau family.

Happy Birthday! by @ellegreenawayslover Rated: G || WC: 2028 Summary: Emily’s feelings during her birthday, her feelings years ago, and how she finally is truly happy with her life and how it turned out.

Morning Cartoons and Middle Names by @vhsrights Rated: G || WC: 2634 Summary: A shift in the numbers on his digital clock indicated that the time had arrived. 7:15 am. No sound of an alarm echoed through the upper floor of the Prentiss-Jareau house. There was pin-drop silence, and then the quiet chaos began.

Bonus: My Master List of MomEm Headcanons & Fanworks

Other Fics: Emily + Kids

A Year in the Life by @gaelic-symphony (thelarkascending) Tara/Emily || Rated: T || WC: 8455 Summary: Twelve vignettes from the married life of Tara Lewis and Emily Prentiss, written for the Year of the OTP writing challenge.

handprints on my soul by @prrentiss (unitchiefprentiss) Tara/Emily || Rated: T || WC: 32,000+ Summary: tara and emily after the events of just a dream. Maternal Instinct by thelarkascending Alex/Emily || Rated: G || WC: 1207 Summary: Motherhood brings with it complicated feelings for new moms Emily and Alex. Written for the CM fandom gift exchange Halloween Interlude by w00t4ewan Tara/Emily || Rated: G || WC: 1573 Maternal Instinct by thelarkascending Alex/Emily || Rated: G || WC: 1207 Summary: Motherhood brings with it complicated feelings for new moms Emily and Alex. Written for the CM fandom gift exchange

Bluey Mom by @alexblakeisgay (ArwenLalaith) Alex/Emily || Rated: G || WC: 2713 Summary: The adventures of Emily Prentiss as she navigates running the BAU, being a wife and mother, and her relationship with gender.

Oh, My Darling Clementine by ArwenLalaith Alex/Emily || Rated: G || WC: 930 Summary: Emily Prentiss is not above bribing her toddler daughter to get her to call her Mama…

Book Ends by ArwenLalaith Alex/Emily || Rated: G || WC: 18,500 Summary: Emily's life revolves around Lux - her four year old autistic daughter. She hasn't had a relationship since she got pregnant and certainly isn't looking to start one when she meets Alex Blake: phenom children's author.

Alex's life since her husband left and her son passed has revolved around writing and little else. She's been a recluse for years when her agent finally convinces her to make an appearance at her latest book launch. Little does she know, she's about to meet a four year old girl that will change her life....

[storiesofsvu]

Rita Calhoun 50 OTP Q's Pt. 2

Rita Calhoun x fem!reader no major warnings. pt 2 a pretty quick follow up of pt 1 as it's just some hc's and not a full fic lol. Send your req's in here for more fun!

26. Who likes to eat healthy/ Who loves junk food?                 You both have a good balance of both. Rita really enjoys her sweet treats, but she doesn’t go overboard on them. She prefers to order groceries from whole foods while you don’t care where they come from as long as its edible. She does rely on take out a lot, but it’s from healthier places, salads, sandwiches, rice or noodle bowls, acai bowls, salmon or chicken and rice with veggies. You’ve even found her some nights with delivery from restaurants that don’t even offer it and all she’s said is “I know a guy…”. You’re the one more likely to indulge in the greasy pizza, overloaded Chinese food or mcdonalds.

27. Who takes a long shower/ Who sings in the shower?                 Rita’s everything shower is over an hour long every single time. You cannot tell me that woman doesn’t have a like 20 fucking step routine between skincare, haircare, dry brushing, etc. It’s also one of the times during the day that she uses to relax, some candles, a nice soft playlist to help her wind down. You’re the one that sings in the shower, though you only try to do it in the mornings she’s already gone for the day in the hopes to not be overheard.

28. Who is the book worm?                 Rita, absolutely hands down. She’s *obsessed* with books and on weekend shopping days will ALWAYS be dragging you into bookstores, especially antique or second hand ones. She’s usually got multiple on the go at once, a couple of fiction with different genres, and a couple of non fiction.

29. Who is the better cook?                 We all know it’s going to be you. It doesn’t matter if you’re not that great. Rita can’t even defrost an Uncrustable properly.

30. Who likes long walks on the beach?                 Gonna go with both of you. You don’t care what kind of beach it is, you enjoy the company, feeling the sand in your toes, the water on your feet, best way to end the day. Rita prefers the walking paths/sidewalks down by the beach so she doesn’t have to deal with the sand.

31. Who is more affectionate?                 Overall, and physically, you. You’re always telling her how much you love her, and are eager to have a hand or arm linked with hers while walking around outside. You’re more likely to be the one stealing a kiss or showing off PDA. It’s in the privacy of your home that Rita goes overboard with her affection. She shows it by physical touch and gifts mainly. Her hands tracing patterns on your legs while they’re strewn over her lap on the couch, she often catches herself watching you with a dreamy smile on her face because of how much she loves you and how much she can’t believe how well you take care of her.

32. Who likes to have really long (deep) conversation?                 This one’s definitely going to Rita. She can talk for hours on end about those deep philosophical conversations that go on far too late into the night. She always enjoys expanding her mind and self educating herself on various topics and loves spending time looking things up and debating back and fourth with friends.

33. Who would wear “not guilty” t-shirt/ Who would wear “sin” t-shirt?                 Hear me out, this was Rita and Rafael in their Harvard days. I’ll let you decide who’s wearing which one lol.

34. Who would wear “if lost return to…” t-shirt/ Who would wear “I am…” t-shirt?                 You’re definitely wearing the lost one, Rita’s the much more sober and collected one, gently guiding you to the car at the end of the night.

35. Who goes overboard on the holidays?                 Rita. She never means to, you’ve likely set limits for prices of presents and she almost always accidentally exceeds it. She never cared much for holidays, thinking they were overrated and never bothered to decorate her home or office when she was single and working all the time. But there’s something about seeing the way your eyes sparkle in the Christmas lights that she has a team fully decking out the entire apartment every single year because she knows you love it. (she does always make sure they leave the tree bare as that’s been made into a tradition the two of you do together.)

36. Who is the social media addict?                 You. Rita is not chronically online. The apps on her phone are much more likely to be various news ones. She likely has twitter and uses it more as a work reference and again, to keep up on current events and news. I DO like to believe that she has a (likely private) Instagram (and we’re gonna ignore the timeline of when insta became a thing/her age for this hc lol). And she’s been posting on it since college, fancy parties, yacht trips out in the hamptons, semi spicy bikini or dress pics, it’s incredibly aesthetic and she thrives to keep the vibe going. She’s got a fuck ton of followers and is like, lowkey Instagram famous, but most of the posts don’t actually include her face, especially as she got older and more concerned with her professional image.

37. Height difference or age difference?                 Didn’t we already do height? Lol. Age wise, Rita’s usually older. She focused on school and work and didn’t want to waste time dating when she was younger. Now that she’s established most people closer to her age are already married with kids. She doesn’t have any issues dating younger, as long as her partner has their shit together and has some ambition and goals when it comes to life. She cant deal with someone who has no motivation and just lounges around all day.

38. Who likes to star gaze?                 This is more leaning towards you. You like to take a moment during each day to appreciate the little things, like this, and say a silent thank you to the world for making such beautiful things. She doesn’t really think about it until you’re out of the skyscrapers of the city, sometimes out in the hampton’s, sometimes it’s a more tropical vacation that she can really see the night sky and there’s no place she’d rather be than on a cozy blanket showing you constellations.

39. Who buys cereal for the prize inside?                 Absolutely you! Which Rita will lovingly tease you about, especially if there is a collection of toys and you continue to buy boxes until you have the entire set. (and naturally you never actually eat the cereal..)

40. Who is the fun parent/ Who is the responsible parent?                 If it came to actual parenting, I think Rita would be a mix of both, but much heavier leaning toward the responsible one. But she’s not having kids, so she’s always going to be the super fun rich af Aunt. She doesn’t do well with the younger kids, but once they’re about 16/17 she can have actual conversations with them, and she’ll be the one sneaking them booze and inviting them out to the hampton’s and letting them (semi responsibly) party on the yacht. She’s obviously the one you’d want to call when you’re in trouble considering her job and she’s also the one that’s never going to whisper a word to either of your parents. She’ll take those secrets to the grave. And she’s also very capable of intimidating the fuck out of bullies or ex boyfriends. She will threaten them with jail time.

41. Who cries during sad movies?                 Both of you. Rita’s a fucking sap so she cries at the romantic movies, you’re more likely the one to cry over the animals.

42. Who is the neat freak?                 I don’t particularly think Rita’s a neat *freak* but she has everything in its spot and knows where her things are 99.9% of the time. She’s organized, collected, tidy, her kitchen’s always clean cause she never cooks lol. And she likely has a cleaning service come to her apartment weekly to help with that kinda stuff.

43. Who wins the stuffed animals at the carnival for the other one?                 You’re shocked Rita even agreed to go to the carnival with you and you’ve promised to win her one as a thank you. While she does have fun, indulges in plenty of food she never would have touched otherwise, and obviously pays for you to play all the stupid, nearly impossible to win games, it’s the giant smile on your face as you turn to her with a lime neon green giant monkey that makes her the happiest. If it had been some random gift from a first date it would have gone in the trash right away, but because it's from you and you worked so hard to win it he gets a name by the time you’re home and either lives on a stool in the walk in closet or has taken up residency in the guest room. (it’s his room now)

44. Who is active/ Who is lazy?                 You like to get a daily workout in, something as small as a walk around the block on slower days up to a class at the gym or some heavy lifting on days you’re more ambitious. Rita always makes sure to not be too sedentary, especially with an office job. She enjoys the more streamlined workouts, Pilates or yoga, things that she can do in the privacy of her living room and not have to leave the house for on colder days. She doesn’t particularly enjoy running, but will do it when she starts to feel a little too stiff and immobile. On the other hand, she truly enjoys your post dinner walks through the park, hand in hand as you share little stories.

45. Who is more likely to get drunk?                 Absolutely you. Rita will indulge in a drink or two with dinner, a cocktail or two out at the bar, but she doesn’t go much passed that. She doesn’t like to be out of control of herself, especially out in public. She has been known to finish a bottle of wine or two while at the apartment, and definitely gets a little silly, laughing harder and longer than she normally does.

46. Who has the longer food order?                 This is weird. Lol. I’m gonna go with Rita because she likely hasn’t eaten since breakfast and thus is more hungry, opting for an app or two and a full course meal while you’re fine with just a burger.

47. Who has the more complex coffee order?                 Rita. While it’s pretty simple at home, if she’s out and there’s a fancier option, she’s indulging. She probably has some sort of self made up special combination of different drinks. You’d think the barista’s would hate her for it but they all know her by name and have nicknamed the drink ‘The Calhoun’ so it has its own priced button in the computer and sticker label with all the steps for newer staff. (not to mention she tips incredibly on the daily)

48. Who loses stuff?                 You.

49. Who is the driver/ Who is the passenger?                 You’re always the driver if you’re not in a cab/car service. While Rita does know how to drive, she simply doesn’t. I could definitely see her having gotten her licence back in the day and never using it, thus letting it expire. She’s a passenger princess through and through.

50. Who is the hopeless romantic?                 Rita. That bitch is a cold hearted shark who scares or at least intimidates 90 % of the people she comes across in her workday/life but she has this completely other side to her with the people she trusts and loves. She’s the softest, most gentle, caring, tender person who will always put her love first and take every opportunity to show it.

________________________

@hbkpop @mickey-gomez @red1culous @imlike-so-gaydude @altsvu @svulife-rl rl @svushots @wannabe-fic-reader @bumblebear30 @alexbllake @australiancarisi @cerberus-spectre @emskisworld @ex-uallyactive @dead-of-niight @multifandomlesbianic @dxtery @momlifebehard @poisonedcrowns @when-wolves-howl @godard-muse @itisdoctortoyousir @httpjupiterbby @somethingimaginative17 @alexxavicry @daddy-heather-dunbar @evilregal2002 @dextur @disneyfan624 @svushots @happenstnces @onmykneesformarvel @kmc1989 @irishavengersassemble @valentinesfrog @noahrex @wittygutsy @chimnlex @i-lovefandom @ralla-ralla @chestnutninny @gamma-rae-bursts

[thevikingwoman]

March Year of the OTP prompt - Phone Sex. I'm behind but finally wrapped this up. Had to go with some fun linkpearl shenanigans! Happy Sunday Sinday

Fandom: Final Fantasy XIV | Words: 1325 | Read on Ao3

Tansui x Meryta Khatin (warrior of light) | After endwalker | smut Rating: Explicit (18+ only). Linkpearl sex, suprised Tansui, reference to alcohol use, no major enw spoiler

Silks and Distance

“What are you doing, Tansui?”

“I’m –” he fumbles with the linkpearl, unused to the buzzing in his ear. “– how does this work? Can you hear me?”

A giggle, sweet and girlish and pleasantly surprising in its levity. “Yes, I can. Tell me, what are you doing?”

“Repairing the cabin of In Tomi-Maru. The siding has started to come apart on the aft.” He’s unsure why she wants to know, but delighted she has time to use the linkpearls. He had it with him, just in case.

“So, you’re all working and sweaty…”

“I suppose?” The day was mild and breezy and thought he’s more or less done as the evening approaches, he did build up some heat doing the much needed repairs. “Why?”

“Mmmm, Tansui. Because I’m thinking of you, Tansui. And I’m naked. Naked and thinking about you.”

He drops the hammer and just manages to move his feet out of the way.

“Um so –  you are?”

“I’m thinking about your back, broad and warm and nice to touch.”

He needs a moment to get his bearings. This was not what he had been expecting when she convinced him to take the linkpearl, but it’s not unwelcome.

“Let me get somewhere private, Meryta.”

It’s simply too far to his apartment, he has no desire to rush down the dock, cock half hard and Meryta whispering filth in his ear. Tansui slips into the cabin, latching the door behind him and sinks into a chair. Alone, he spreads his legs, feeling comfortable. Ready to catch up on the game she decided to play, unexpected or not.

“Naked, you said?”

“Very naked.” There’s some sounds of movement, and she mumbles something undisguisable, and she lets out a small gasp.

“Are you are touching yourself?”

“I wish it was you, Tansui. The bed is so soft, the sheets so fine. Like your haori.”

“I wish it was me too. Pretend it is, my hands on you. Touching your shoulders, your belly. Sliding my hands up to your tits. They fit so well in my hands.”

He imagines it, now he is alone with only her voice in his ear. She gasps again and a small moan escapes her, soft and feminine. He closes his eyes, and sees her in his mind, naked in soft and luscious sheets, light reflecting off her scales.

“Touch yourself where I would – are you?”

“I am. My hands are on my – tits.” She giggles, and he smiles. She’s not foulmouthed, not in the least, and this seems like a new idea to her, as well as him. A woman of action and not of words.

He’ll put that action to good use.

“I bet your nipples are hard little peaks. Pinch them for me. A bit harder, I know you like that.”

“Yess...” she makes a drawn-out sound that makes his cock jump, and his hand goes to it. He strokes himself lazily through his pants, focusing his attention back on Meryta.

“I’d like to touch you all over, Meryta. The soft skin on your belly, your scales. Holding on to your hips.”

“You like them, my scales?”

“Aye.”

“I want to wind my tail around you, pull you close.”

He’d like that too, to have her close. He has had lovers with tails before, but none for more than a quick or tumble or two. He shivers, thinking of her and all the places she can reach and touch with it, the feel of smooth and warm scales on his skin.

“I touch you lower, Mertya, spreading those pretty legs and teasing you, soft and slow.”

A sound somewhere between a moan and hum is his only answer.

“Are you touching yourself? Is your cunt nice and wet?”

He’ll have a foul mouth for the both of them.

“Yes, yes it is. I’m so wet thinking of you. Of you touching me.”

 Her fingers in her sweet slick, writhing somewhere across the world. Heat flushes his body, his hand tightening around his cock. The fabric is too rough, the feeling too dull and too much and not enough. He fumbles with his pants until he can get them open, away, and his hand around himself, skin against skin. His hands are bigger than hers, but he can almost imagine it’s hers, with her small sounds in his ear. He closes his eyes. His fingers are calloused from work and the seas, and he can pretend it’s her callouses, from weapons and wars.

“Meryta, Meryta, I want – ”

“What do you want?”

“To touch you. To put my mouth on your tits, and my fingers in your pussy.”

“Fuck – “ a giggle and rustling of cloth.

“You like that, don’t you?” His voice sounds too rough for his own ears.

Meryta does not sound bothered. “You make me feel so good, I want you to feel good too. Are you touching yourself too, Tansui?”

“I am. My cock is in my hand, hard for you. Thinking of how you’d surround me, your sweet cunt clenching around it.”

“I want to put my mouth on it. I want to taste you, to suck you.”

It’s his turn to groan, his hand sliding firmly along the length of his cock.

“I want to fuck you.”

“Yes, please –“

“Let me hear you, Meryta,”

She lets out a loud moan, and another. She’s never been quiet, and he likes it that way. Especially when she draws out his name in pleasure, as she does now, her voice becoming sluggish with bliss. He thinks he can hear her moving, writhing, in her sheets, breath ragged.

“Good, good. You’re close, aren’t you?”

“Yes, I, yes – “

“Come for me, Meryta.”

“I am, ah, Tansui!”

He imagines her, lifting her hips against her own hand, her eyes closed as she comes. The image shifts and he pictures her here, sitting astride him. Bouncing on his cock, her pretty tits in front of him, soft and touchable.

Heat courses through him, and his hips jerks, his orgasm taking him by surprise. He grunts and tightens his hand, warm spend running over it. When he opens his eyes, Meryta is sadly still not there.

“Mmm this was nice. So nice, Tansui.”

A pause.

“Tansui.” His name again, the last syllable dragged out in a slur.

“Meryta, are you drunk?” he has to ask, noticing the slur in her voice. Another unexpected turn – Meryta doesn’t seem to indulge from what he has noticed.

“A little. Maybe?” she laughs sweetly. “I met with Ogul – my cousin – and we had some kumis. I don’t know where she got it, but I think she’s homesick.”

“I see. And are you safe?”

Maybe this makes two unexplained things make sense. He can’t help his concern, he’s seen too many drunken pirates – hells, he’s been one too perhaps too often – stumble about and sleep wherever they were.

“I’m in my Thavnair suite. Vrtra has said I can use it whenever. He’s nice like that. Nice dragon. Ogul got me here. She’s not really my cousin, but she’s – family, from my clan. She’s happy in Thavnair. “

“Good.” He breathes a sigh of relief. “I miss you Meryta.”

“Mmm. And I miss you.” A yawn, a rustling of sheets, and he yearns. “I thought it better not to use the aether-currents while drunk. Doubt Shtola would pull me out. Thought the linkpearl was better.”

“I’m glad of it, though I admit this was not quite the scenario I had thought of when you gave me one.”

“Did you make a mess, at least.”

“I did, lover.”

“Mmm, good. Good Tansui. I made a mess too.”

“I’ll make another if you keep on like that.”

“Tempting, but I think I’m falling asleep.”

“Goodnight, love.”

Another rustle, a whisper that may be a goodnight or goodbye.

He leans back in the chair, closing his eyes and imagining her, asleep and alone, surrounded by the Satraps fine silk.

Time to clean up in a minute.

[tippenfunkaport]

Back in 2022, I did a liveblog of the video above (which is an "episode" done with the Mattel dolls) on Twitter. And while I've shared random bits of it before, I never shared the whole thing so I figured I might as well do it now before I delete my Twitter.

Dreamworks is very committed to pushing the Glimmer loves cake agenda. Glimmer x Cake is the true OTP of this show as far as they are concerned, sorry Catradora.

I know people are upset that the Glimmer doll doesn't have the right body type but she IS very important rep for people who are dead inside

We are 11 seconds in and doll Bow is already horny for Sea Hawk, bless him.

Behind these painted eyes lies bisexual lust that Mattel just could not contain.

This dialog is just... Shakespeare watch out.

Meanwhile, this is supposed to seem like a real little girl is playing with the dolls and, as someone who lives with real little girls, it's so far not very realistic as no one has died or been maimed, just saying.

awww, yeah, bust out the mystical chimes it's flashback time! (Yes, I am too lazy to wait until the little bottom bar goes away to screenshot, sorry. This is the person that I am.)

OK, we've got our first glimpse of Catra and... WHAT is your hand doing, girl? Like... is it some kind of inverse live long and prosper or...? And is your wrist OK? Love that Catra somehow has the hairpoof in Doll!AU, good for her.

The humor in this makes me think the target demographic is 5 year olds... and George and Lance

So, to recap... Adora's 13th birthday: Catra made Adora clean up her shower hairballs 14th b-day: the cadet dorms smelled like feet and Shadow Weaver made her clean them up 15th b-day: Catra made Adora deal with her ingrown claw

LOT of Catra slander in this.

Amazing

(I presented that part without comment)

This is a Swift Wind Pinata Bow made that Glimmer is trying to convince Adora is a Trojan horse the entire princess alliance is going to fit into. The most unconvincing part of this is that Adora is not buying it.

I can't with Bow and his little noodle arms And Glimmer, sweetheart? This is not your best arm angle, just saying!

(I will continue this in a reblog)

[multiverse--wanderer]

Unshaken Outlaws | Arthur Morgan x John Marston [ENG]

[ Fan-Fiction based on the OTP between Arthur Morgan and John Marston from Red Dead Redemption ] In a world where the last cowboys are ruthlessly hunted, survival is the only rule. Loyalty, fragile yet vital, is the thread that binds the outlaws together, their sole hope in a landscape marked by betrayal and constant danger. Amidst war and a passion that defies the rules, Arthur and John will find an unexpected path to redemption as their world crumbles around them. For Dutch's gang, the fight for survival has never been easy, but it becomes even more complicated when a forbidden love blossoms amid fallen bullets, lies, and deep wounds. Can this love become the sanctuary they need to withstand the coming chaos, or will it be the end of everything they know?

...

REMINDER:

This story has been written in Spanish, which is my native language. This story has been translated to the best of my ability, although it is possible that it may have mistakes.

This is just a way to transport my writing to a common language for the rest of fans like me. For a better immersion, I recommend reading the story in its original version.

You can find this story on Wattpad and Archive of Our Own.

Thank you so much for reading me and see you in the stars.

...

Chapter 1: When the Deer Saved the Wolf

Present

The storm showed no signs of letting up. The bare, rigid trees groaned under the weight of frost, and the entire landscape seemed determined to bury the men who dared challenge it beneath its white mantle. The outlaws, hidden among those same mountains, knew they were safer than ever under that icy hell, but they also understood that their safety was temporary. Nature protected no one for long; they had to move before the storm eased and the world began hunting them again.

Arthur trudged forward with difficulty through snow that reached his knees. Every step was a titanic effort, and the cabin sheltering Jack, Abigail, Hosea, and the women seemed miles away, though in reality, only a few meters separated him from it. Finally, he arrived, his face battered by the icy wind and his muscles numb. He shook off his coat, sending a dusting of snow scattering onto the wooden floor by the fireplace, where it hissed upon contact. Without waiting for an invitation, he moved toward the fire, extending his gloved hands toward the flickering flames that greeted him with an almost painful warmth.

—He's been gone for days, and it doesn't look like this storm's letting up. —Abigail's voice broke the tense silence, though her tone couldn't hide her worry—. He's strong, and he's smart. I'm sure he'll...

—Strong, yes —Arthur interrupted, arching an eyebrow with sarcasm—, but smart...

The comment made Abigail frown, but before she could respond, she glanced at Arthur, and her expression softened. The fury on her face gave way, though the restless glint in her eyes remained.

—Hi, Arthur.

—Abigail.

His response was curt, tinged with the indifference Arthur always reserved for her. By now, Abigail knew how to read him. That mask of coldness didn't fool anyone who truly knew him. Determined to break through the wall, she took a step closer, her voice dropping a notch, becoming almost sweet.

—Arthur... how are you?

He glanced at her sideways, his sharp eyes evaluating her with the resigned weariness he used when he knew someone was about to ask him for something. He'd seen that tone in her too many times. With John, it was practically a weapon, a surefire way to get what she wanted. And with him... she only used it when she needed something no one else could give her.

—Fine, Abigail. You?

—I need... —She hesitated for a moment, but Arthur didn't need to hear more. He sighed, tired of always anticipating others' needs—. Sorry to ask, but...

—It's about little John, isn't it? —His tone was bitter, almost biting—. He's gotten himself into trouble again.

Abigail's face hardened instantly. She didn't like the way he spoke about John, but she forced herself to stay composed. Her frown sought Arthur's gaze, as if daring to confront his sarcasm head-on.

—We haven't seen him in two days, Arthur.

—Your dear John will be fine —He replied with an ironic smirk—. I mean... even if he's dumber than rocks and duller than watching grass grow, a snowstorm isn't going to kill him.

The comment echoed in the room, leaving an uncomfortable silence. Hosea, seated by the fire, lifted his gaze, his expression calm but laden with authority. Arthur seemed agitated—more out of worry than anything else—but his pride wouldn't let him admit it. No matter how much he wanted to hate John, he couldn't help feeling that blend of anger and fear. Because, in the end, he cared more than he wanted to admit.

—Go check on him, at least. —Hosea intervened, his tone firm, leaving no room for argument.

Arthur grunted, frustrated. He couldn't refuse Hosea, because Hosea wasn't just a leader. He was his mentor, his father in all but blood, and the only one who truly understood the complicated relationship between him and John, even when they themselves couldn't figure it out.

—Javier, go with him —Hosea added, directing a look at the young Mexican, who immediately stood.

Javier smiled with that ever-casual air of his, but his gesture was kind as he gave Arthur a pat on the chest.

—You know, if the roles were reversed, John would do the same for us. Let's go, Arthur.

Arthur pressed his lips together, hiding his expression beneath the high collar of his coat. His gaze met Hosea's, searching for support or maybe permission to cling to his pride. But Hosea didn't relent. His silence was a tacit order: "Set your anger aside and do the right thing."

Without another word, Arthur gave a brusque nod and headed out, Javier following close behind. As they shut the door behind them, the icy wind roared with renewed fury, as if the mountain itself were challenging them to find John before it was too late.

...

CONTINUE READING THE FULL CHAPTER HERE:

[brionysea]

tua, st, and/or pjo to toss it back to you?

ooh, options! I think I'll go with *spins wheel* stranger things

favourite female character: probably max, I guess. the interactions she gets are so consistently good and feel like a breath of fresh air even when the story going on around (or because of) her (lol) doesn't particularly grab me, and it's entirely because of who she is as a person. her kindness, her caring nature, her anger that she's so desperately afraid of because she doesn't want to continue the cycle of abuse, her feminist rants, her story being the best part of season 4. love love love her she's the girl of all time

favourite male character: I think even my followers who don't care about stranger things could answer this one. lol. mike wheeler! it's mike wheeler. he makes no sense and that compels me, and in searching for answers that make him make sense, I got attached. boy son. tall child with horrendous mental health. love him also. beloved. so unbelievably stressful as a person. can't wait for all of his mistakes to come crashing down on him and make him break under the weight of it all <3

worst female character: I love women I would never say a bad word against women. but all of the side people in kali's episode (not kali herself, I think she's kind of interesting, but The Other Ones - including the girls) were kind of flat

worst male character: on a complete series scale: BALD MAN. WEIRDO. WHY IS HE TELLING TWO SIXTEEN YEAR OLDS TO HAVE SEX IN HIS SPARE ROOM. WEIRD! STOP IT! WHY IS HE STILL HERE HE'S SO CONSISTENTLY OBNOXIOUS I CAN'T STAND IT!!!!!!!!! but on an individual, broken-up-into-parts scale: season 3!hopper is the bane of my existence when it comes to this show, which is sadly leaking into my perception of him in s4 (and probably 5 as well, but we shall see) and it annoys me because he was so cool before.... ough....... im throwing s3 hopper into the woodchipper as we speak. and NOT in the fun way! he was rude to joyce, which is illegal, and thus put me in a state of mind where I honestly wouldn't have minded if he'd just died for real. never disrespect joyce byers lest all affection I had for you as a character disappears into the wind

otp: I mean, in all honesty, I don't really care. but lucas and max are my favourite couple on the show (which can probably be attributed to my romance repulsion and their lack of, like, makeout scenes - the focus is on this sense of connection and care between them, and I can connect to that more. also they're not annoying about it)

brotp: max and mike <3 which sounds soooo, like, 'of course you'd say that' because I just said they're my favourites. but that's WHY! they're both so good on their own and then you throw them together and there's all this bickering friendship-tension and they have this weird understanding of each other and it's even MORE good. DOUBLE the good, even! gahhhhh. them. always

notp: most of them lmao. but, I mean... okay, to make this one FUN: I do very much enjoy watching nancy date steve and el date mike. because both of them are so bad. terrible relationships. I get such glee out of watching them crash and burn, awaiting their inevitable downfall (because sometimes! romance! is WORSE!!!!) and they absolutely should not ever try to date each other again or forever, but at least I'M having a GREAT time watching them figure that out!

send me a show/film/etc