#out of my system so now im gonna take a break from these six for now + draw literally any other st character haha

[dna-repo]

froot loops

[wanyinchen]

"I REALLY REALLY REALLY HOPE THAT AZIRAPHALE WOULDN'T GET HURT BY HIS DECISION TO GO BACK TO HEAVEN AND TAKE UP THE MANTLE OF SUPREME," was a thing I said in my last dump post. I was deep in denial and grief lmao

Like, who am I kidding, OF COURSE, Aziraphale is going to get hurt. IT'S GOOD OMEN'S HEAVEN FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE. It's going to be sterile, aseptic, void of personality, bland, and so fucking empty— all the things that do NOT reflect the home Aziraphale has built on earth.

Our babie angel is in his ✨religious-trauma relapse era✨, trust me I would know (not that I am traumatized by it too much, but I just know that it's NEVER going to be easy. To just simply go "Oh that's wrong, I shouldn't believe that! I'm gonna erase that from my mind now and everything will be absolutely dandy🥰!" Nah, that's not how it works. These types of behaviors are socialized into the very crevices of your very impressionable brain.)

And good lord the Metatron is playing Aziraphale like he's a fucking muppet in an eternally bland puppet show at heaven's own version of West End. He's dangling the hope of "reformation and institutional change" in front of Aziraphale, and Aziraphale being the kind person that he is— someone who just wants to genuinely do the right thing, like really, his heart is always at the right place. He literally only wants to see the best of anyone— it's literal catnip.

If he agrees, then he can make a difference! He can change things! He can finally dismantle the very system that abused him! This is a win, right? This is the right thing to do! No matter how much his soul screams out for Crowley, no matter how much his heart breaks, he is doing the right thing. This is the duty that the voice of God themself has appointed to him! This must be what the Almighty planned for him! No matter. No matter. No matter. This is NOT about him, this is about reformation. This is bigger than he and Crowley. This is about making sure that no one has to suffer continuous dismissal and patronization, emotional abuse, and invalidation from heaven ever again.

(He's doing this for Crowley too. Of course, he is. He has now the chance. The chance to have the power for Crowley to finally reunite with his beloved nebulae and stars and cosmos. He remembers how happy Crowley was when he had stardust on his fingertips and the joy of creation lighting up his beautiful face, if only he could make Crowley see—)

Oh, Aziraphale, the first thing you must know is that any kind of transformation will only work if the wound you are bearing is healed if the wound has bled and clotted and scarred. Only then you can ever have the hopes of changing the system— you can only help others when you are healed, if not, you're just going to bleed all over the place.

He needs to process that trauma: be sad about it, be angry about it, feel grief from it, yell about it, write about it, face it head-on, talk about it to others, introspect about it so much that you feel like you have doused yourself in antiseptics repeatedly, and finally let the wounds heal.

IM SO MAD IM SO SAD IM SO SMAD.

I WILL NEVER TRUST THAT HALF-ASSED SANTA-LOOKING BITCH EVER. this is the same bitch who so joyously declared, "The point is to win it [the war]!" I will never forget that, not as long as I breathe and can haunt the earth.

And dear lord, poor Crowley. My heart broke and aches so much for him. Because after all this time, all the progress he and aziraphale made post-apocawhoopsies and the literal six thousand years went seemingly down the drain.

(Don't worry. Its still there, its just underneath all the tons of trauma and the emotional baggage of Aziraphale)

In any case, Aziraphale choosing heaven —no matter what the reasons are— is a simultaneous gut punch, bitch slap, punch-to-the-throat, kick to the balls X 10000000 combo to Crowley. After everything, after EVERYTHING, Aziraphale will still not choose him. He can only take so much. The trust that they used to have will never be the same, it has fractured down to its foundations and the final blow was when Aziraphale said "i forgive you" after that kiss. It's Armageddon all over again but only so much worse. Aziraphale was not accidentally discorporated or waylaid by any external forces, it was Aziraphale who walked away.

He really had hoped, he really steeled himself and pulled off his shades and said "i love you, i need you, and i want you for all of eternity. Please choose me." And then Aziraphale didn't.

The Love is there— will ALWAYS, ALWAYS be there, for that Love is written on the very stars he used to create. Crowley had hung that Love in the sky too, as it is the most beautiful thing he ever made, kept, and chosen. He loves Aziraphale for so long that he doesn't know how not to. The Love will always be there, under his skin, flowing through his ichor, on every feather of his wings, and on every second of his existence. But the trust? The trust that he used to have is an entirely different thing. He knows that Aziraphale loves him back with the same all-encompassing intensity of millions of supernovas. But what he doesn't now trust is whether Aziraphale will choose that Love.

Now i must stop typing i before i hurl myself to the freeway and lie down right there

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3102

this is 1034 times 3.

i got up early today, got ready early, and brought joel in to work this morning. then i stopped at starbucks and went to work, where i sat in the parking lot on the phone with discover student loans getting my loans put on forbearance again because i simply do not make enough money. good news is we were successful and i got that all done before going inside. i was in at work by 9am.

basically right away i started helping people, even before i was supposed to be on the clock. but i figured screw it, might as well help since i'm here. so i did. and then i didn't have people leave my table until 3:45pm. nonstop for six and a half hours. i eventually was able to eat some tuna so o could get some protein in my system, so that was good, but i also ate a bunch of chocolate.

i made plans with some coworkers for tomorrow or thursday and then next tuesday, so i'm excited for those.

i also managed to catch up on filling out reports, which was good. i intend to be better at filing reports this year. so far so good.

after work, i got joel and we came back to the house. i learned friday is gonna be in the negatives, so the big bottles of water were brought in to keep them from freezing. in the meantime i went and took a nap because i was exhausted and 90% overstimulated and needed a goddamn break.

when my alarm went off i hit stop. joel came in shortly thereafter to ask about food. what i didn't realize that "shortly thereafter" wasn't shortly. it was an hour later. i have been so tired lately that i've been basically hallucinating things.

the other day i woke up at like 7:50am because i heard my mom calling me from downstairs. she called me twice, but my voice was sleep-weakened so i texted her instead. i stayed conscious enough to make sure that her phone received my texts and then i rolled over again and passed back out.

i later learned that my texts woke my mom up in the other room. and my texts didn't say what i thought they did. they were, more or less, incomprehensible.

i MEANT to say, "you called me? im still 90% asleep"

and then it was supposed to me "im still sleepy"

and when i realized nothing was right, i went "whatever" and put "zzzzzz" because Z's mean sleeping, right?

mom had no idea what i meant. which makes sense.

so me dreaming something happens and it not happening has gotten more frequent because of my exhaustion.

rip.

after my nap, i woke up and went to find something to eat. i decided on frosted flakes, because that shit slaps, but when i went in search of a spoon, i couldn't find one. the dishwasher was running and there were no spoons in either the drawer or the sink, so i walked around the kitchen in search of a suitable replacement. my consternation at not finding one was palpable.

and then, just when i was ready to give up,

i was blessed by the soup gods, the cereal gods, and the spoon gods alike.

there was a single spoon on the corner of the counter that had not been there moments before.

i looked at it, picked it up, and determined it was dirty, so i washed it so i could use it happily. i sat at the table and ate my cereal and it was really, really nice.

i was still hungry maybe an hour after eating it, though, and j pondered getting mcdonald's. but i made no move, because i was comfortable and i was finally writing again.

and then joel came upstairs around 10 to take a shower and said he hadn't eaten, so i offered to get mcdonald's. he pointed to where his wallet was and said i could use his debit card, so i grabbed my socks and my sweatshirt and my boots and i went to mcdonald's. came back 20 minutes later and we enjoyed hot fresh fries and ice cream and i went back to writing. it's now midnight 41 and we've happily eaten, i've written about a thousand or so words, and joel is sound asleep beside me.

it's been a long and busy and exhausting day, but it's been good.

[darthwheezely]

okay im backkkkk 💌 anything kinda angsty for fred pls (like a break up but theres a bit of making up at the end pls

resentment and reconciliation- f.w. hcs

Warnings: this one kinda hurt to write I’m ngl, I love you Jess but DAMN - cussing probably, mentions of slut shaming, actual smut, a lOT OF ANGST, hateful!fred

THIS WILL BE SO UNGODLY LONG THIS IS BASICALLY A PSUEDO ONE SHOT

people that might like this(?): @whiz-bangs78 @vogueweasley @theweasleyslut @loony-loopy-lupinn @lupinsclassroom @vivianweasley @oh-for-merlins-sake @kitwalker02 @tatesimper @gcdric @slytherinsunrise @lumosandnoxwriting

you and Fred were friends...

...simply friends

yep

mhm

only friends

friends that liked to casually dominate each other multiple times a week

sometimes multiple times a day

but regardless of your entirely messy relationship, you were best friends

...weren’t you?

“Fuck, Y/N, you’re so goddamn tight me,” Fred hissed as he was pounding inside of you, determined to release some kind of frustration from seeing you with George for the whole day when you both knew you had really just wanted to spend the day with Fred. Right?

“Freddie, you feel so good” you said airily as he hiked up one of your legs onto one of his shoulders.

“Yeah, princess? You like the way I fill you up so good, make you fucking mine?” When you moaned in response he threw your other leg onto the opposite shoulder, determined to show you just how much you were his, and what that meant for him. He had been watching you for months pretend nothing was happening outside this room, and regardless if you knew it or not, it had been killing him the day he agreed to your rendezvous the first time.

“Yes, Freddie, fuck, yes”

“Gonna come for me, sweet girl?”

“God, yes, Fred-“ and with a harsh thrust to your g-spot you clenched around him tightly, your body releasing onto him in a massive wave. He put his free hand that didn’t have your arms pinned above you to your clit, determined to have you as overstimulated as possible.

“Fred, please-“ you whined vehemently at his rough touch.

“I’m coming baby, I’m right here” and with a final pound he had smoothed your walls with him, the throbbing finally subsiding. He rolled his hips slowly to ride out his high, and he then pulled out, falling to your side and pulling you into his arms. He could feel your heart pounding as your breasts heaved against him, desperate for air flow where he had rid you of it all.

“We haven’t held each other like this in a while, Freddie...it’s...it’s really nice.” You whispered against his bare chest, pressing a kiss or two there. He nodded and buried his mouth in your hair, fluttering his eyes.

“I promise I’ll take every opportunity to hold you, okay?”

that was tuesday

let’s skip to Thursday morning

you had only told one other person about your complicated relationship with Fred, and that was Hannah Abbot

you trusted her, you saw her as your BEST friend

but unfortunately, good ol’ hannah didn’t really feel the same

she had it out for you when Roger Davies had confessed he had a crush on you at the Yule Ball, kissed you even, against your consent

see, he was Hannah’s date

and she didn’t like that very much

to top it allllll off?

she had been casually crushing on Fred ever since she had her heart broken by Roger

so now here you all were, seventh year and you assumed as per usual that everything was fine

when clearly, unbeknownst to you

this bitch saw you six feet under

so Hannah did what she knew would hurt you the most

she told Roger :)

“Please he’s absolutely balls deep in love with her, but poor thing doesn’t know she’s using him for a roll in the sack.” Said Hannah, filing her nails in the courtyard. Roger looked at her absolutely dumbfounded.

“No, Y/N, isnt like that. And besides, Fred’s a good mate of mine and...She just wouldn’t do that to him. Feelings or not, she’s not one to use people.” He shook his head starting to get up from the tree he’d been leaning on.

“Well, she used you, didn’t she?” She purred demurely. He turned to look at her, jaw clenched.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He gritted out.

“She’s making him her personal whore, exactly like she did when she rejected you at the Ball...I mean...cmon, Rog. Don’t people deserve to know who she really is?”

everyone had heard the next day how Y/N was fucking Fred Weasley like an Olympic sport

and how he wasn’t the one coming out on top for the first time

at first he didn’t know what he did when he walked into the Great Hall to stares and whispers

George had tried to get him to go back to bed so he could bring him food

but fred demanded answers

and when he found out what it was

...he was crushed

You walked into the cascading staircase, bounding up the stairs. It was Thursday night, you and Fred’s night to be alone while George and Lee would be hanging out. You walked into the room to see Fred, throwing things onto his bed and looking angry and...hurt?

“Fred, what-what is all this?” He didn’t look at you, just continued to pick stuff up off the floor, and got one of your bras. He threw it at you.

“It’s all your shit, Y/N. Might as well help since this is the last time you’ll ever be in my room. Or around me again quite frankly.” He started to look down again and keep working but he heard you whimper and his eyes flashed up to yours. He started to laugh harshly. “Oh my god, stop.” He rolled his eyes and threw his arms out. “You got what you wanted from me didn’t you, Y/N? Quick shag and no feelings and knowing you had an entire fucking human being completely and utterly devoted to you with, what did Ron say? ‘Half the commitment’?” He smiled at you but it was one with rage, with tears pooling at his eyes, pain emitting off his body in hot waves. He didn’t even know he was shouting.

“I mean, Jesus, I’m in love with you and you got to go on and-and fuck whoever you want because guess what at the end of the day you get to tell everyone that Fred fucking Weasley is your own personal whore and would do anything for you and that just got you where you wanted it didn’t it? Didn’t it?” He had stopped yelling, his heart pounding as he took in the sight of you fully in tears now, flinching at him quietly. He felt immediately then like he was going to throw up, something wasn’t right, you usually were so fiery and assertive and here you were looking like a dog that got kicked repeatedly. He swallowed thickly. “Get your stuff and get the fuck out I can’t stand the sight of you.”

Without looking at him you reached onto his bed and grabbed everything you could carry, and swiftly left the room. Everyone in the Gryffindor common room, except George, looking at you with pure unbridled disdain.

George was the only it seemed, that cared about you at this time for the next couple weeks

He didn’t tell Fred, but it had been George that had been sneaking up food to you in your dorm room

It had been George that had sent you little notes in class that said things like

I love you, Y/N. I believe in you, okay?

He even visited your dorm one day when you couldn’t move so much as one leg off your bed, and he caught you then, while you were sobbing about the loss of Fred and yourself and he held you and put you back in bed

and waited until you fell back asleep and moved the hair out of your face

he needed to tell Fred the truth

meanwhile, Fred was floundering

he had fallen back into his coping mechanism of sex and violence, mostly the first one

he had started hooking up with virtually everyone in his year that he’d ever rejected

after all - fred was labeled as a slut so why not act like one

if there was anything Fred was good at, it was being loud

in bed it had never been an issue - in fact, it was a talent now, yeah?

he’d been hearing it around school for weeks now

how easy he was

how much he would do to get in a girl’s pants

how he dipped his wick in anything that moved

anything and everything

he got it from girls

“c’mon freddie can i take a ride just once”

to the guys

“Oi freddie, you let your mates hit it for free too?”

if it were from a guy he’d usually swing a punch

or 12

he’d gotten in his most fights that he ever had in any of his years at hogwarts

but then Georgie came along:

George had waited on Fred’s bed, as his twin was in the shower. Lucky for Fred, George had been able to trace Roger’s little dip in the gossip system all the way back to Hannah Abbott, who everyone knew was bullshit, and had decided to let his brother know exactly what kind of a supreme asshat he was being to their best friend (and the love of Fred’s life, let’s be super honest.)

“Georgie, what the hell are you doing-”

“About to give you the whip cracking of your life, dear brother.” George swung his legs off the bed as Fred continued to dry his hair in the mirror, rolling his eyes.

“Is this about the last girl I had by? We didn’t fuck on your bed if that’s what you’re so worried about.” Fred quipped and George took everything in his power to not bitch slap the hell out of his older twin. George clenched his jaw and rolled it.

“You fucked up, Freddie.” He said quietly. Fred turned slowly to look at him. “Excuse me?”. “You. Fucked. Up.” George said a bit louder. “Y/N got played. By Hannah Abbott and Roger Davies. She’s had a crush on you this whole time, you absolute dumb piece of shit.” And then George did push Fred then backwards onto the bathroom wall, but he was too dumbfounded by the usually sensible twin’s behavior to do anything back.

“That’s-I don’t understand-“

“Oh my god, Fred. Hannah’s been in love with for ages, she lied. To everyone. Roger did too, he’s wanted to get with Y/N since day 1 you know that just as well as I do.” Fred tightened his arm, thinking about Roger with his lips and arms on you that night last year-

“Your point? She still said that shit about me” he said gruffly, but a pool of anxiety swirled in his stomach all the same

“Don’t you get it? Y/N is in love with you. She didn’t say or do anything to hurt you. At all. She hasn’t been eating, she hasn’t been doing homework, she throws up constantly, she’s barely left bed but to go to the library and usually all she does there is sleep anyway, she cries all the time and it’s been me making sure she still is present if not to just see people every damn day! So quit youre moping and fix this shit or I swear to God, Freddie, I’ll knock your block off.” George was heaving, pools of water in his eyes as he swallowed. “She’s my best friend too, you know.”

Fred looked up at George then and had started to cry. All of those things he said, all of the words he spat at her like they could burn her skin and cause some of the pain he believed she had caused him, when in reality you had-you had done nothing wrong.

“Georgie, I’m sorry” he choked.

“I know you are. But I’m not the one to say it to right now...you’ve gotta find her, Freddie. Please.”

you had been in the corner of the quidditch stands

the wind was blowing against your hair

you couldn’t be in your room anymore, it started to smell like you

and you, prior to an hour ago, didn’t smell too appetizing

you reeked of sweat and tears and your own sick

you took a shower so hot you wanted it to burn you alive

maybe sanitize the last of your fear and your hurt away

you had lost weight, you had lost feeling

you all in all had just lost

and you had never wanted to go home so badly, already considering writing home

you hated being reminded that your best friend and crush hated you

wanted you to be hated by everyone else too

but then, you heard footsteps

“Y/N?” Fred whispered to himself as he saw you in the stands. You looked so worn, so lifeless sitting there - he almost didn’t recognize you from the way your hair, usually scrunched up and bouncy had fallen flatly against your face, further slapped around by the wind outside. You had been wearing an oversized sweater and your sweatpants had pooled around your ankles. Simply put, you were miserable. 

“Y/N?” He called again once he was standing in front of you. You turned to look at him in what felt like slow motion, but when you locked eyes with him, you immediately felt fearful. 

“I-I’m sorry, I’ll leave now” you sputtered

“No, hey, wait, please” he reached out to grab your arm and you froze, letting him take it. He looked at you, with a flash of fear and worry on your face and he wanted to throw up knowing he was the one that made you feel like that.

“Fred, please let go” you hoarsely whispered.

“No, love, I’m not going to let go I have some things to apologize for.”

You started to cry, eyes dropping again to his hand on your arm and breathing feeling suddenly like a very hard task. “You hate me now: you sobbed and you pulled yourself from his grip, turning away from him and gathering your bag. He started to scramble for your hold again tears starting to stream down his face

“No, angel, please, I could never hate you”

“Oh? What about those things you said to me in your room-” you were walking faster over the benched seats, making your way to the other side.

“I know I know I said those things in my room but I can’t believe them because you have to believe me when I tell you I’m in love with you” and he was sobbing at your body turned away from him. You turned to look at him with a skeptical quirk of your face.

“No, no you don’t.” You spat.

“Yes, Y/N, I do please let me explain” he said earnestly taking in your bright eyes and the furrow of your brow.

“People who love each other don’t scream at them and throw things.” You said flatly. You wanted him to be true but you couldn’t make yourself believe him.

“Just give me five minutes of your time and-and if you hate me you never have to see me again. Please.” He closed the gap between you two and motioned for you to sit down. You licked a tear from your lip and nodded siting on a bench besides him.

“Hannah and Roger told everyone-”

“I know what happened. What they did. I want to hear about you. And what you said. And are saying” you looked at him in the eyes with steel burning behind your irises.

He sighed and rubbed his jaw. “I thought that what we had was purely sex in your eyes. And I was too much of a coward to ever ask you, so when I heard someone tell me that my own insecurities could possibly be true,” he inhaled a harsh breath as tears started to fall “I-I was crushed. By the idea that you saw me as what other people saw me as...as a toy? I guess? Or a sexual prop? To use when you wanted. But I hide my feelings a lot as you know, so even if you did feel that way, it would’ve looked like I agreed because I hate you knowing how sad I am,” he started to choke on his tears, the anguish of knowing he hurt you this much was too much for him to ever be able to handle. “I just wanted to hold you and whisper in your ear and tell you how much I love you and the thought of my own fears being true pushed you away. And you never have to forgive me. I-when I yelled at you like that I wanted to see you hurt, I think. I wanted you to see how sad it made me to think about you with other people like you had been with me and” he took a final breath and you pulled his body into you. “Y/N, my love I’m so sorry.” His sobs shook your body, the feeling and angle of the destroyed boy you love shaking you everywhere. You pressed kisses to his head. “Freddie, I love you” you repeated “I love you here and here and here and here and here” and with every kiss you gave him, you were determined to soothe him. “I-I’ sorry too, for not being as forthright with you about how i felt too. It’s always been you, Freddie.” He choked out a watery smile and he leaned in to kiss your face everywhere he could, his tears stinging against the wind and your cheeks. 

“If-If you could ever be with me I will always be open to it at any time, you know that don’t you? I-I understand if you can’t.” He held his forehead to yours, his nose brushing yours ever so slightly. 

“Freddie, I love you. You were who I missed when I couldn’t get out of bed for fuck’s sake you’re all I want,” and he leaned into you then fully, capturing your wet and chapped lips against his. Your arms wrapped around his neck and he melted into you like this

this

this was fred weasley

[philipkindreddickhead]

I often seen critiques of make up from an existential/philosophical perspective, but I rarely see criticism of cosmetics from a stand point of the very physical bodily harm it does. I think this is because the number of dangerous ingredients is so massive, and overlapping its an absolutely daunting task. So I've compiled the information I've found and bear with me its a lot. (This is from an American perspective. Sorry, thats what I know. However I would love it if people from other countries had things to add.)

First I want to get the "simple" stuff out of the way. I think almost everyone has heard about bacteria and fungi in makeup and that makeup causes acne from clogging pores. Makeup has a pretty strict shelf life, yet consumers are entirely supposed to self-police as Ive never seen a single expiration date on any cosmetic packaging. (I guess consumers are meant to pull this knowledge out of the ether or something. I only found out about it in a tumblr PSA. I did read that expirys are on products in Europe.) Beauty blenders are the worst offender because theyre almost always moist. When I was taught makeup I was told to wet my sponge so it would soak up less product. If you apply makeup daily your sponge is likely constantly damp. USA Today had an article which said that 96% of sponges had fungi and over 60% had E. Coli in them. But I think what people talk about less is the complication of problems from using other products in conjunction with dirty beauty blenders. USA Today warns its especially dangerous to use beauty blenders if you have damage to your skin like acne, cuts, or dry skin. However the most popular beauty products for washing your face contain walnut pieces for literally scrubbing your skin and creating microabrasions. If youre a frequent makeup user you probably know about the cyclical nature of applying foundation, breaking out, and then applying more foundation to cover the breakout. You may even be using scrubbing cleansers more frequently to combat the acne creating more tears. This can lead to "blood poisoning" and, though neither USA today or Forbes mentions this, blood poisoning (not a medical term btw. Its sepsis.) according to numerous medical sites has the potential to be extremely lethal. The symptoms are so similar to a regular flu its nearly impossible to self-diagnose.

The very first thing I was told when a friend handed me a jar of finishing powder- popular with many beauty gurus for the "baking" technique and considered a must have- was a joke about "clown lung." This was a reference to the main ingredient talc. Talc causes lung problems including cancer and respiratory illness. If anyone remembers the large Johnson and Johnson lawsuit from 2019 it was because theyd been putting talc into baby powder. Talc is dangerous because it's impossible to mine and seperate from ASBESTOS. Some high-end finishing powders will try to sell you on safe talc-free formulas but all the products I looked into contained mica instead which causes pneumoconiosis, colloquially known as "black lung disease." Like fucking coal miners get. Its not just present in finishing powder either. In my research it turned out that talc/asbestos are also present in many eyeshadows and other powder products. [Googleable, evidenced in J&J lawsuit]

Another industry to examine is nail salons. Toluene, Formaldehyde, Dibutyl Phthalate, and Methacrylate compounds are all dangerous ingredients and present in various salon products. These ingredients cause a range of problems from dizziness, drowsiness, birth defects, slow fetal growth, future intellectual disabilities in the fetus, eye skin and throat irritation, coughing, allergic reactions, asthma-like attacks, short-term memory loss, nausea, dermatitis, cancer, and misscarriage. Some nail products advertise that they are 3-free meaning that toluene, formaldehyde, and DP should be absent but often the labels are found to be completely inaccurate. It should be noted that the risk is mainly to salon workers and not patrons but ask yourself if it is right to place other people at serious risk for your aesthetic. OSHA does make an attempt to mitigate these risks however not once in my years of makeup queen did I see a salon following these directives which include constant air monitoring, half mask respirators with chemical cartridges, gloves, long sleeves, and safety glasses. (And Im not even going to touch issues of human trafficking/slave labour out of nail salons one case of which occured 5 days ago two hours away from me) It should also be noted that formaldehyde can also be found in hair relaxers and hair dyes. [Found articles in Scientific American and NYT]

I also found on the FDAs website that many cosmetics include heavy metals like arsenic, mercury, and lead. (Usually accompainied by a picture of lipstick so I assume that is the product most likely to contain it, however campaign for safe cosmetics lists foundation as containing heavy metals, and The Guardian has an article about skin lighteners from Asia and Africa containing mercury.) The website stated that the amount of these heavy metals in cosmetics is "safe" if used as intended. (and I'm going to come back to the concept of "intended use" later because thats a can of worms too) However, when searching for info on heavy metal safety I found this quote in regards to metals in food:

"Certain metals, such as arsenic, lead and mercury, have no established health benefit, and have been shown to lead to illness, impairment, and in high doses, death. Understanding the risk that harmful metals pose in our food supply is complicated by the fact that no single food source accounts for most people’s exposure to metals in foods. People’s exposure comes from many different foods containing these metals. Combining all of the foods we eat, even low levels of harmful metals from individual food sources, can sometimes add up to a level of concern"

So like, which is it? Is it a "safe amount" or is no amount of metal safe? I understand that in the case of certain foods like fish some amount of mercury poisoning is always expected but fish is also something you feed yourself and nourish your body with while cosmetics are completely unecessary to your survival. The mercury problem in fish is also mitigated by health warnings when mercury levels are particularly high but cosmetics have no such warning. Another warning on the site indicated that children should ingest NO amount of lead AT ALL because it is particularly harmful for kids yet theres no effort to stop children from using lead-containing cosmetics. I worked next to a Five Below where I was shocked to find they sold Jeffree Star and Anastasia eyeshadow dupes for five dollars which amounts to fucking pocket change for a lot of kids and kids do buy that stuff. I also think its ironic the FDA would have anything to say regarding cosmetics because in the very same article about heavy metals in cosmetics the FDA says that they DO NOT REGULATE cosmetics beyond the color additives.

Mascara, eyeliner, lipstick, and brow tint often contain carbon black. This is a color additive that is an incomplete combustion of carbon-based products. It can cause lung disease, cancer, and organ system toxicity, and eye, nose, throat irritation. The effects are mainly studied in rats and those at biggest risk are industrial workers but why do other workers have to endure lung problems for something so unecessary? [Easily googleable, NIH, CDC, WHO Europe]

This next bit I only want to mention briefly because I didnt find any particularly reputable sources about it, but its a claim that cropped up repeatedly and I think its an interesting one. Parabens, estrogen, phthalates (again), and pesticides in cosmetics are apparently linked to endocrine disorders and hormone dysregulation. Im not entirely sure what is meant by this accusation. Endocrine disorders include female diseases like PCOS and possibly endometriosis. None of these diseases is very well studied and the female endocrine system itself is not well studied either. Im not saying "cosmetics cause PCOS" because we dont know if PCOS or these other endocrine/hormonal disorders are genetic or environmental or both (it appears that PCOS is largely genetic and Endometriosis is likely autoimmune related) AND we dont appear to know for sure that cosmetic ingredients cause endocrine disorder. But I include anyway for a number of reasons:

If you happen to struggle with hormonal problems you may want to know cosmetics is a potential environment factor.

These conditions are incredibly painful. It will be a battle getting your doctor to even acknowledge that pain for diagnosis. PCOS is linked to diabetes, and heart disease. [Thanks @mother-of-pearl ] There is no cure and the treatments are often throwing hormonal birth control at it and hoping for the best.

I dont anticipate the link between cosmetics and endocrine disorders being studied any time soon or any endocrine disorders studied at all because the medical/scientific field is sexist. I dont want women to suffer in the mean time.

Now again, take this with a grain of salt because I couldnt find scientific or news sources for it. Dont fucking come for me. Im not gonna respond to you. [Most reputable source was a paper from the library of medicine at the national institutes of health but it was behind a paywall and I dont have 39 dollars to be right on tumblrdotcom]

Avoiding these ingredients is not as simple as scanning the label for them. As many beautubers and the community are no doubt aware considering multiple scandals over veganism. Products advertised as vegan or cruelty free but contain non-vegan carmine or are sold in China which legally requires the products to be animal tested. Cosmetic companies will hide ingredients claiming they are "trade secrets" or they will be placed under "fragrance." Many ingredients will be known by six or seven different names and asking consumers to be aware of seven different names for multiple ingredients requires consumers to be aware of innumerable different, often complicated ingredient names. I shouldnt have to point out that's a ridiculous burden to place on women. The EU banned 1,300 hazardous ingredients that the US did not. Cosmetic companies rely on women being unwilling/unable to bring in a list of 1,300 ingredients- with multiple names- every time they pop in to the drug store, sephora, or wherever. Buying "natural" products will not help you either. Theres no established criteria for natural/organic in costmetics, the FDA doesnt test these products, and "natural"=/= safe anyway. Plenty of plants and minerals are poisonous. One good example is traditional kohl products which advertise their natural status but also naturally contain lead and reiterating that natural powders contain mica. US courts are rarely on the side of consumers either. I found an interesting lawsuit against St. Ives for their apricot scrub taken to court for their "dermatologist tested" label despite it causing breakouts and cuts to the skin. The courts ruled that this label was fine because it only indicated that the product was TESTED not APPROVED by dermatologists. However I think any rational consumer would look at this label and assume the tests concluded it was safe for use or else why put the label on there?

[Googlable XMONDO drama, googlable laws wrt china and eu, already stated about FDA, FDA website about Kohl. Googled St. Ives lawsuit.]

I want to return to the idea of "intended use." This is sort of a fucky concept a lot of companies have ways of getting around. My "last straw" with makeup had to do with a run-in I had with Anastasia over their "Riviera" eyeshadow palette. In this pallette they had two colors that were the real feature of the palette, an electric neon purple and a radioactive pink I mean every photo, every promotion has these two colors swirled together around the eye. Because again, its an eyeshadow palette. When I buy the eyeshadow palette of course there's a little insert warning in the package that says these two shades are not intended on the eye area. In an eyeshadow palette. Contacting their customer service they told me that these two shades were meant to be used as a blush. neon purple blush. Not only that, but their website and instagram featured NO models wearing the shades as blush while EVERY model one or more of the shades as eyeshadow. When asked about this discrepancy ABH stopped responding. What I find egregious about this is the amount of people who dont know, and then more staggeringly; dont care. The sephora clerks didnt know, the in store abh representative didnt know, their customers didnt know, and when I told them they would respond with "oh, [brand] did the same thing with their [shade]." Sure enough, when I demanded that store clerks open the packaging to look for warnings nearly every product had an "eyeshadow" that was not intended for use on the eyes. Relegating dark, red-toned teal to "contour" and neon grean to "highlighter" US-based cosmetic junkies will say that these pigments have been approved for use by the EU however I found absolutely NO evidence of that. I googled it a thousand ways but all I ever found were blog posts, reddit comments, and one quote from an apparently nonEuropean layman in an Insider article. I even changed my location to France on ABH's website and the Norvina palette still contains the same warnings (not to harp on ABH in particular. I just know which shades in particular are the problem there). The Insider article noted that brands who were selling pressed pigments declined to comment. If the pressed pigments were EU friendly, I would think companies would be clamouring to say so. It also still makes their market as eyeshadow colors illegal in the US. (If any Europeans would like to chime in I'd love that.) Another problem I find with cosmetics companies and their reps is the claim that the worst thing that could happen is eye irritation for those with sensitive eyes and staining. How could they possibly know? The FDA doesnt test, or approve these cosmetics in the eye area, so ostensibly no one should be using it that way.

The next one is a bit of a "duh" but I'm going to talk about it anyway. Counterfeit cosmetics are a booming market full of untold dangers. Untold primarily because these products could contain literally anything. Ive read about glue, arsenic, lead, feces, staph, and horse urine to name a few. The labels and ingredient list on these products are fake. Legitimate brands often unintentionally play into the counterfeit market. They create artificial scarcity by making less of the product than is actually needed for consumer demand to create an even higher demand. If consumers miss out often their only chance at getting the product is to turn to counterfeits. I found examples of women who had their lips superglued, lips "turned to goo" and burned to blistering, throat closures, women with stys, contact dermatitis, eye infections. I think we as a society turn a blind eye to this problem because we think "hey, if youre buying counterfeits for a discount and you get hurt you deserve it." We imagine idiots buying products for 4 dollars from ebay or perusing Canal street for FEИTY beauty. But these counterfeits can be really convincing. I myself received a gift of a huda palette that I only recognized something was weird about it because I'd swatched it at sephora about five times earlier that month. The person who bought it for me actually paid MORE than the usual cost for the palette because it was advertised as a newer, better edition. The websites can be disturbingly similar. For instance Kylie Jenner's legitimate website is KylieCosmetics.com but you can find fakes at kyliecosmeticsshop.co.uk. These fakes can buy ad space and be one of the first sites that populate when you google the products instead of typing the legitimate site into the address bar. Counterfeits can also be bought and sold through third parties on websites like ebay, wish, and amazon. (My gift actually came from Amazon.)

[Netflix doc "Broken" ep "Makeup Mayhem" Corroborated by personal experience and google]

[sanstropfremir]

kingdom episode 3 baby!!!!

listen. i’m not gonna lie i was nervous as hell for this episode. i saw that preview like everyone else and unfortunately i have ears so i was convinced the ateez stage was going to be a trainwreck. i was absolutely banking on sf9 and skz to do something even mildy interesting to save me from the ear damage and having to talk to extensively about why that disaster happened. but somehow i woke up in an alternate universe and you know what? with the exception of that high note the ateez stage fucked. i know. i don’t believe it either. i think i’m still in shock.

i’ll do individual breakdowns in order of favourites within the episode and then at the end i’ll put my personal ranking of all six. thank god i don’t have to do a stage breakdown again; if they change it again for next week i will scream.

ateez

a miracle happened. i don’t have to fight any of the staff at kq. i don’t understand either. jongho is so fucking lucky that the rest of the group pulled all that energy out of their asses because if they had been even a single iota less serious about it that stage would have flopped worse than a dead fish. i can’t believe we got this level of camp b movie schlock in the first full stage, and they stuck the landing. incredible.

fine i’ll address the elephant in the room. personally, i don’t think jongho is that good of a vocalist. he’s not bad, and he does have the potential to be a good vocalist, he just doesn’t have the training, and this is the issue with all of ateez. hanya talked about this before and i’ll say it again: he can’t switch to his head voice and he’s destroying his vocal cords by attempting to hit notes in his mid range that he should just jump to head voice for. frankly i’m surprised he got anywhere close to that note in his mid, but his technique is just not there and he’s gonna do some real damage to his voice if he doesn’t take a break and also get a good vocal coach. you can already hear the degradation in sound from their debut stage to now, and that’s in less than three years. ok i’m done talking about vocals that’s hanya’s turf, i’m pretending that that high note doesn’t exist and we’re moving on. also im in love with btob’s reaction it was fucking priceless.

costume

look, i have a one track brain and that brain can only think about seonghwa corset. seonghwa corset? seonghwa corset.

i know it’s not a real corset nor is it properly laced and i know this would never happen in a million years but a kpop mr pearl trend? i would die. just fully expire. there’s no coming back from that for me

yes i have laced boys into proper corsets before and yes it is as hot as you think it is (when it’s not work related, obviously)

ok now that i’ve got that out of my system for the moment, the costumes are actually pretty good. i’m a little obsessed with hongjoong’s coat although I know it’s stupid. fur? always, I love it, you’ll never change my mind it makes everything better. i own a lot of it and i wear it all the time. this is also a pretty good example of how to do a more modern styling within a very specific and recognizable genre.

i don’t hate the backup dancers’ costumes either, even though they would look a lot better in a not-pirate themed hiphop stage. because there is already a modern tint with the boys’ costumes, it’s not that much of a leap to the dancers, and they actually use the dancers and the camera really strategically to not put much focus on them.

the only real standout issue is the blacklight/contortionist moment, which is too gimmicky for me and doesn’t fit the rest of the theme. i do understand the purpose of them: you need a transition point from the upper deck to the more fantastical inner ship area, and blacklight paint is a really easy, cheap, and fast way to get four new costumes instantly. do i think they could have done something better though? yes.

set

this was actually a smart reuse of that pirate ship set. i know i clowned on them in the first stage that they could move on from the pirate gimmick but honestly? i’m glad they didn’t. this was fun as fuck. but also two stages was enough you can move on now.

i love how they actually used the weird double stage function that the false prosc creates for an actual architectural and narrative effect, instead of just sort of operating as though it’s just another place to travel just because you can. we are on the deck of the ship, and then we go inside the ship. it’s simple and effective. you don’t need to do a crazy amount of crossover to establish a dynamic sense of place.

i hate the ateez kingdom logo. i hate the ateez logo in general. get it out of there, at least you could have made something more fun and pirate themed.

would have loved to have seen them return to the hourglass at the end, especially if they got one that was specifically set for 4 minutes. would have been a nice bit of symmetry but i suspect it was struck before the kraken bit.

the kraken bit??? i was not at all expecting that and honestly? dope as hell. that big tentacle is just a custom inflatable santa claus that you see around christmastime and what a brilliant use of such a simple mechanic, especially to have it come through that weird little triangle arch they have upstage. smart way to use the existing architecture.

yes it is a gimmick but here’s why it works rather than just looks tacky like every other gimmick we’ve seen so far: it had a function within the narrative. this is so important. show us there’s a reason it’s there!

lighting

i didn’t love it but they did actually make some smart choices. the outer deck is warmer toned and has some good atmospheric effects, and the inner deck is cold tone and specifically lit with pin lights to imitate the light coming through portholes in an actual ship, which is so smart thank you lighting designer

also a very clear arc with the lighting, blue -> orange -> blue/red -> orange/multiple -> blue

sound

i actually kinda liked this remix? it fit theme and had a very clear dramatic arc. also i like wonderland, so sue me.

staging

WE DID IT, WE FINALLY GOT A CLEAR NARRATIVE FROM AT LEAST ONE GROUP! wonderland was actually a great choice for them because it’s a really good indicator of exactly how hungry they are. i was a bit worried that it would fall flat because it kinda rides on mingi but they actually pulled it off. i have literally no idea where they pulled all that energy from but holy shit you can practically lick the attitude off the screen. i’m also very impressed by the amount of information they managed to fit into that four minute narrative. we had a full conflict/climax/resolution, as well as a really clear understanding of the tenacity and drive of the group, as well as the desire to support one another in achieving their goals. bravo.

ok so like i said in the set section, they used that pirate ship bridge really effectively to create two different but connected spaces. this is a really smart way to make it seem like you have two spaces while having to only build one set. it was also one of the best ways to utilize this dumbass stage so it doesn’t just look like you’re running arbitrarily from area to area because you can.

also levels! levels are so important for staging but also hard to do in this context because you have to be able to move really quickly in and out of full group formation, but I think they did a really good job here.

continued point: the kraken arm worked because it was the conflict they needed to overcome in the narrative, so it had a function within the performance. also related: all the tricking and jumping also served a purpose within the narrative too. it was either used for fighting (yeosang kicking all those dancers on beat) or a demonstration of teamwork (jongho flinging yunho around on the floor). also frankly excellent use of choreographic formation with the backup dancers, each formation had a specific function and was meant to highlight ateez without being overbearing.

not a whole lot of camera choreo, but a fairly good long take at the beginning and the editing wasn’t too obnoxious which I think was more chance than intent, but i’m not gonna look a gift kraken in the beak.

sf9

i actually really liked this stage, and i really like that sf9 has established their colour as effortlessly elegant, which does set them apart from the rest of the groups. this stage was really choreographically complex and they made it seem so easy, so real props to them. however, like with ikon’s stage, there were a lot of good ideas that just weren’t followed through enough for me.

like ateez, song choice and theme were very well intertwined with this one, there was a lot of thought put into this stage. the pun with ‘jealous’ and ‘jilleosseo’ and having a fairytale/magic mirror narrative? fuckin GALAXY BRAINED. incredible. the implication that not only taeyang but the entire group is the evil queen from snow white? chef’s kiss. should have committed harder and put one of them in massive cloak à la king taemin mama 2020. instead it was subtle enough to not try to step on ateez’s schlocky camp toes but still just as serious and i love that. do i wish they pushed it farther though? also yes.

costume

not gonna lie, i had my reservations on the costumes when we saw the previews of them in the waiting room, but the thing about stage costumes is that they always look bad when not on stage. if they look good in the waiting room you’ve done something wrong. and i loved them on stage. big fan of that quilted vest/pseudo stomacher. please can we have a corset trend? y’all already adopted bondage harnesses, c’mon a little corset won’t hurt. also a good example of a modern spin on a recognizable genre.

i wish the backup dancers weren’t in all black but i am fighting single person battle against the entire entertainment industry on that one.

set

extremely simple with a few smart utilizations. had a feeling this might have been a budget thing, as it had a similar kind of vibe with ikon’s stage, but the use of the mirrors was smart and a fun device that served the purpose of the narrative.

working with mirrors on stage is really fucking hard, so kudos to them for giving it a go. for the most part it was pretty effective. especially with the combo of moving mirrors and moving lights AND moving camera, you’re kind of asking to either blind your audience or at least give them a headache. i once saw a production of the magic flute that had a rotating mirror setpiece and i swear i nearly went blind due to the constantly flashing reflections. you have to really be careful with directionality and reflection, especially with the added element of a camera. also you never use real glass mirrors on stage, it is unbelievably bad luck and theatre people are the most superstitious demographic on the fucking planet.

i kinda loved the draped gold dais. i have nothing else to say about it other than fun!

lighting

a lot of this was very weirdly lit and i’m not sure why. the quality on youtube is terrible and cameras already have trouble picking up detail in low light, and throwing a whole bunch of primary red over that (the colour with the longest wavelength and therefore disappears the easiest in the dark. also human eyes are not very good at distinguishing variations in the red spectrum) and the red costumes made it extremely difficult to tell what was happening.

i will give them props for dramatic lighting usage, especially for the two way mirror trick and for using the floor as a primary lighting source at the end, which i think groups should be using more of. how often do you have a lighting source in your floor!!! almost never!! use that opportunity!!

sound

i actually enjoyed this remix too. it was well suited to the dramatic nature of the stage. i think the sound byte at the beginning is ‘mirror mirror on the wall who’s the worthiest of them all’ but it also could be ‘who’s the worst of them all’ and that would be also fitting and kinda funny.

staging

again, not a lot of consideration for camera choreo in a meaningful way, and like the tbz stage I think the clarity in the actual choreo got hampered by the editing. because there was a lot of choreographic precision that went into making this work and it wasn’t totally obvious from the way mnet edited it.

a lot of them are actors so it works that they’re leaning more towards dramatic stages rather than the sort of performance type stages we’ve seen so far. i like this choice for them as it gives them a very obvious colour but they’re almost on the verge of making it look too easy, which does them some injustice.

next to ateez, using that long uninterrupted traverse was my favourite use of this stage. doubles as an easy way to build the atmosphere of a palace corridor/throne room with the rug, and to feed the drama of the piece.

skz

ok i have some…..things to say about this stage. so far i have not been kind to skz which makes me look like i hate them and i don’t, i promise. there were a lot of really interesting things happening in this stage and there some really successful ones, and i liked this a whole lot better than their intro stage, but their overall choreo and thematic dedication is really killing me. i’ll explain.

costume

I don’t hate them but also…….why? I got the good self vs evil self/internal struggle theme but the costumes don’t really have anything interesting to say about that. as far as modern style costuming goes i think they’re on the more interesting end, but they don’t push it far enough. there’s a few western art history visual motifs and honestly? they should have gone whole hog and whited out their faces/hair and made them look like classical sculptures. that would have been hella fun, especially with that little statue and marionette sequence, plus the shadow/leash manipulation.

this time it was actually intentional that the backup dancers were in blacks and i appreciate that.

why on EARTH did they have that ridiculous makeup that didn’t read on stage? theatre makeup and tv makeup are different, you can’t just do a light purple eyeshadow and expect to read under blue and red light. someone needs to bring an actual theatre makeup artist in and get these boys in some real crazy looks. see previous point about full-face white pancake. more extreme makeup please and thank you!

set

i liked the use of internal architecture within this massive weird stage space and they used the corridors quite well. i didn’t really like the mix of baroque scrolling and also graffiti, it wasn’t quite connected for me. this has been a common theme among this round and i think it comes from budget/props pulls rather than anything else.

also there was a distinct feeling of trying to fill the main stage space with bodies as opposed to atmosphere. this can work in some specific cases but the intent wasn’t strong enough for me. it just felt like a lot of people on stage, especially in the end choreo.

lighting

the general lighting was fine but not particularly inspired. the low light in the beginning was actually quite well done, especially combined with the fog, but in my opinion was not dramatic enough. you have a pseudo art history theme happening, pump that contrast and push the chiaroscuro!

ok stay with me, i’m gonna say something extremely controversial that might actually get me cancelled. s*per j*unior’s burn the floor did everything this stage was trying to do on a smaller scale and better. look i know ok, this is a like, a double atom bomb hot take. just forget everything you know about them and watch the performance video. tell me that’s not some of the most interesting choreo you’ve seen in kpop. if you’re going to work with practical light you need to COMMIT. not just steal the solar lanterns out of my mom’s back garden.

i have a lot of opinions on using practical light and alternate light sources in performance because it’s a huge part of my practice and this just....wasn’t interesting enough for me. push it further!

(I will wait for the subs on the full episode because there has to be a reason they chose that specific shape of lamp. if not i gotta ask jyp why he’s raiding my mom’s garden)

sound

god’s menu has such specific imagery associated within the lyrics and choreography that this stage was a bit dissonant for me. especially when seen in conjunction with two stages where the narrative was tied explicitly to the lyrics of the songs. i think maybe if it hadn’t been grouped with these other two stages i would have felt differently. the other groups chose to do songs were a little more abstract and allowed for more visual experimentation, but to go so blatantly against the food metaphor didn’t really work for me and i had a tough time divorcing the association. I found the arrangement to be a little lacking in energy for me towards the end but otherwise it was pretty interesting.

staging

Definitely a better performance overall that the intro stage. almost all of the gimmicks this time had relevance to the theme which i appreciated. the marionette bit and the shadow/mirror were probably the most interesting but i wish they were better lit.

 there was a lot of back and forth in the blocking that made the stage feel repetitive and also aimless? like there wasn’t a very clearly established directionality within the internal space, so it felt like treading over the same ground for no purposeful reason. and again, not a lot of intentional camerawork.

i really liked having the dancers under the big sheet, it fit well enough within the ‘war between internal selves’ theme, but also had a loose tie to the art imagery. again, i really wish they had stuck to a clearer visual theme. it makes them stick out especially in this grouping of stages, but also across all the groups as whole because almost everyone had a clear(ish) visual idea.

holy shit that’s a lot of backup dancers. i don’t really feel like that many were necessary and the sheer number of them took away from the emphasis of the group. with all of the other stages (except for tbz) it was very clear who the centre of attention and emphasis was, and with both skz and tbz they got swallowed by the sheer scale they were trying to operate at. bigger is not always better.

---

this is a tough round to rank because none of these stages are bad, there’s just some that are, in my opinion, more successful than others. all of these stages do very well in specific elements but fall short in others which also makes this ranking difficult. i’m evaluating these based on whether they were successful to me, as i’m pretty sure this ranking will probably not all be popular opinion, but whatever i like to live on the edge.

btob – visuals, vocals, narrative, swords? what more do you want me to say? also i watched the full episode and minhyuk did rehearsal with a real bokken and i think i am in love with him now.

ateez – honestly not sure if i would have ranked this first if that high note hadn’t been a mess. i love camp nonsense and i genuinely think this was a well designed stage. i can’t believe i keep saying that but it’s true.

sf9 – this stage was really solid, just could have been pushed farther. i think it has a really good sense of drama and it’s a pity that sf9’s colour is more subdued, because i think they’re going to be stuck around the 3rd/4th position for the rest of the show.

ikon – ikon is only ranking this high because although i am disappointed in the wasted potential of this stage, they NAILED the camerawork and actually brought in someone to block the steadicam into the choreo. also they’re incredible performers. i say this every time, but their stage presence, although maybe lower energy that they normally would be, is still not to be fucked with.

skz – i think this one is the most ‘meh’ for me. while i liked a lot of the elements here they just didn’t push it far enough and the lack of narrative and general aimless choreo led to me not having any strong feelings yea or nay.

tbz – to be quite honest the lack of costume unity is a big hit for me. all elements of design are equally as important but because of my personal practice and experience i tend to put a lot of weight on good costume and spatial design. i don’t actually like game of thrones also, so I feel mildly offended on behalf of michele clapton, who had did a fucking incredible job and doesn’t deserve to be slandered like this. also the lack of cohesive choreography and the overblown lighting made this difficult to watch, no matter how good i thought the rear projection/stretch fabric dance was.

 any questions or opinions you wanna share hit me up! see you next week!

[kmelanin]

patient-hyunjin request

request- Hi beautiful! Your writing is absolutely amazing and a true gift for black girls! I saw your requests were open and I was wondering if you could write a skz Hyunjin smut like you're a western idol and you come visit korea during ur break cuz he's also on break but you get mad cuz he's always hanging with this gg idol but then you guys makeup and bathtub cuddles. Pleasee and thank you

an/ im so sorry this is late! I hope you enjoy my sloppy writing. :’))))

-Hyunjun posted a photo- You read your phone screen and sigh. You sat back in your seat in the back of your drivers vehicle, on the way to the airport. You were heading back to Korea for your mid-summer break vacation. This would be your first time back since leaving for America five years ago to pursue and further your singing career. Out of all of the people you will be seeing and visiting, your ex best friend is the only person on your mind.

If anyone knew you, they knew about Hyunjin and vise versa. You two were such an unstoppable duo, until exactly five years ago. You always think about his confession, or supposed confession. 

--- “You what?” He stands there in front of you his face twisted up as if he was a puppy and you kicked him. 

“I'm leaving Korea.” You repeat. He doesn't say anything, just squints his eyes. So you continued. “I have this opportunity to further my career with this company” You continue on explaining yourself. 

“What about the companies I showed you?” He asks softly, his voice laced with confusion.

“I told you no in the beginning Hyunjin, they don't want me. Not only am I black, but I'm also one thick ass bitch. It doesn't match up. In the US, I can actually get somewhere.” You try to say everything carefully, trying to read his expression. But it was so hard. 

“What about me? You know I can't just leave, and I need you here.” He tries to fight it, fight the reality. 

“And what? Just sit on the sidelines, and just say fuck my own wants and dreams?” You ask about getting defensive. 

“No, but I- I love you so much. I don't want you to be so far away from me.” He runs his hands through his hair, his frustration showing. “Look, I wanted to tell you this another way. But you, you are the one for me YN. I can't- I'm not ready for you to leave this soon.”

“I can't change anything Hyunjin. I've put you first for so long, it's my turn now.” You are getting heated now. Why can't he understand? 

“If you leave, I'll hurt, hurt for a while. And i won't forgive you…” He mumbles, tears running down his face. You didn't even know how to react to it. You knew he would be upset, but trying to manipulate you like this? 

“Fuck you, Hwang Hyunjin.” You got up from your seat and left.-----

You regretted leaving him that day, and not saying goodbye before you left for America. But you don't regret going to America. You tried to call him a couple of times since then, but he ignored you, sent you to voicemail. You tried to talk to him through other members, but they just advised you to let him move on. 

But you didn't want that, you wanted your best friend. You wanted him to be proud of you, as you are to him. 

The only person you've told that you were coming is Felix, and your mother of course. But she's in the US. You didn't want to tell the world, so you could get some peace and quiet.

Once you get off of the plane, you meet up with Felix and he rides with you on the way to your apartment that you have here. 

“He’s gonna kill me.” Felix laughs next to you.

“Why do I have a feeling that he's going to kill me too?” You sigh, your nerves are also trying to kill you. 

“Ahh, I don't think so. I think he’ll be shocked, but he has definitely changed.” He rolls his eyes. 

“Changed? What do you mean?” You ask, tilting your head a bit. 

“Everyone but Hyunjin thinks that he just suppressed everything. Like at first you can't tell that anything is wrong, he is good at putting up an act. I mean, that's kinda our job. Right…” He pauses, “ But we know him better than he thinks. Lee thinks that he's waiting, he doesn't want to get over you.” 

His words stunned you. You are speechless, did you leaving really hurt him that bad? He definitely hates you.

“I mean, you had to know that the kid has been in love with you since way before debut. God, it was annoying! So i'm not surprised he can hide his feelings so easily, but it's like this time he really got hurt, so he hides a lot more.” 

Once you got to your apartment, Felix made sure you got in safely and then had to head to the studio. He did leave Hyunjins location tomorrow night, so that gave you an idea. Supposedly he's going to be at the dance studio, practicing his dance moves. You really have no idea how to confront him, other than to pop up. You've been at this studio before, so it shouldn't be hard to find. 

For the rest of the night you take your time and unwind from your travels. You call your manager and let him know you wanted some food in the house and a chef, you needed some homemade Korean food in your life. 

You hop in the shower and wash the day away. You don't wash your hair since you had a jet black, fresh wig on. But you do shave everywhere and use some body scrub. After some shower lotion, you love to see your skin glowing. 

You put on a silk slip dress and your slippers. You can hear the chef in the kitchen banging things around, making a great meal. You go into the living room and head over to the sound system that you had, it plays whatever music throughout the whole apartment. You put on some softer korean music, and you start to light some candles. Your anxiety levels at the moment, were skyrocketing. But you were trying your best to forget about him for the moment, and get yourself together. 

The past five years has definitely made you realize the love you had for this man. But you thought for sure that he hated you, that he wants nothing to do with you. But after hearing Felix, you just needed to see him, and either actually end things or get this friendship back in order. You needed to end these questions that cloud your brain on a daily basis. 

After everything you've been through and all the shows you've done, you've never felt this amount of anxiety.You stand in front of the studio, right outside. It was around six at night, and you were really debating on leaving or not. You look at your phone, at the time once again. He should be leaving anytime now. 

He was taking forever, or maybe it was the nerves making the time go by so slow. You put your phone away and you walk up the stairs. You open the tinted glass door and step into the air conditioned hallway. You walk down the hallway and turn down the first left. If you remember correctly, this was the right direction. Since the rooms were sound proof, you couldn't hear any music, but you went to the room with the lights on. The one room in the hallway with its lights on. 

You take a deep breath and you look through the glass. 

You swear your heart stopped. You can see him, but his back was turned to you. You could see his face in the wall tall mirror. He was wiping his face off with a towel, and he had his water bottle in his hand. His hair was longer than you remember, in that beautiful black color. He wore black shorts that went right above his knees and a big white shirt. He also had some black Vans on.                                               How can he make such a simple outfit look so good? 

Suddenly, your eyes connect in the mirror and you quickly pull yourself away from the door. You turn around and try and scurry away. But you hear the door swing open and his voice yells out towards you. 

“Hey! Stop!” The sound of his deep voice alone has you stopped in your tracks. “Who are you? Stop playing around.” He goes on in Korean. You need to turn around before he thinks you're a fan and calls the cops for stalking. So you do. 

You turn around and lower your hood, once again connect your eyes with his. You clench your jaw at the sight of his eyes widening at the sight of you. His mouth falls open, moving around as if he wants to say something. Then his eyes get glossy, and soon start to water. 

 “Yn?” His voice whispers. Before you could say anything, the door opens and this auburn hair colored girl walks out. 

“Oppa?” She squeaks and leans against him. She then spots you and tilts her head, probably wondering who you were. 

You sure the hell were wondering who she was. Felix didn't tell me he was seeing anyone, why didn't he tell you?? You didn't know what to feel.

“Oh, I'm sorry for interrupting your dance practice. Text me, and maybe we can catch up while i'm here?” You chose your words carefully then you were out of there. 

By the time you were outside there were tears running down your face. Everything is so overwhelming at the moment. Was that his girlfriend? Is that why he ignored all of your messages?

You stay in your apartment for the next couple of days. You just needed time to think about what just happened. You found out the girl he was with is a trainee, and she just debuted. He was always kind and helping people with their dances. But it's been so long, and with the way she was leaning against him...they could be dating, or at least seeing each other.

Your phone starts ringing on your lap. You look down from the movie you were watching and you see Felix's name across your screen.

“Hello?”

“You are so lucky we have nothing going on!” He yells through the phone. 

“What?” You are confused. 

“Don't ask me what. You knooooow what. You went to see him but then just leaves when he wants to say something.” 

“I freaked! He was with some girl and I was interrupting something.” 

“If you thought they were dating, you really are stupid.”

“Excuse me-”

“He's on the way to your apartment so I hope you're there.” He cuts you off. “Tell him.” Then he hangs up. 

You knew exactly what he was talking about. 

You were now at that point in your career where you can locate anywhere in the world and it would mess and disturb anything. So you wanted to relocate your permanent home in Korea. You wanted to tell him in person, hoping for a great reaction. But like usual nothing is going your way. Now you had no choice but to tell him now. Not when you had time to grow another pair of balls. 

You quickly run to your room and change your clothes to something that covers a bit more skin, then just some short shorts and a sports bra. 

Your doorbell goes off and you take a deep breath. This is it. 

You walk to your front door and you open it. 

There he stood. He had a striped shirt tucked into some black jeans. A bit of jewelry, hair just perfect. No makeup, but he still seems to just walk out of a magazine.  

“Please come in, I'm happy Felix sent you here.” You say softly as you hold your door open wider to let him enter. He comes in and slides his shoes off, leaving him in his black socks. You weren't sure how much he knows, but everything is making you so anxious. 

As soon as you shut and lock your door, you were instantly pulled into a back hug. His towering figure practically engulfed you against the wall. His neck was tucked into your neck. You turned around so you can hug him back. You didn't know how much you missed this until now. His hold is so warm and welcoming, especially when he's clinging on to you for dear life. You were so used to seeing Hyunjin the korean kpop idol online, that you almost forgot how much of a baby he was around you. He was always so touchy. It annoyed you before, but now it's the best feeling. 

You loosen your grip a bit, because you wanted to see his face. But one of his hands that was on your waist goes up to the back of your head. So as you went to look at him, he pushes your head forward and crashes his plump lips against yours. Utter shock runs through you, freezing your body where you stand. 

He pulls away slightly, but comes back leaving a more gentle kiss on your lips. He repeats and repeats. Slowly you realize what the fuck is happening and you kiss him back. You kiss him probably way harder than you intend, but he clearly doesn't mind because he instantly matches your energy. Both of his hands are holding your face gaining that control that he wants.

Hyunjin is hungry, he's been starving ever since you left. He couldn't help himself. He can wait for the words, they can come later. But he has been waiting for this exact moment for what feels like forever. 

You needed this to slow down though, you put your hands on his chest and push him away. He listened this time. He even backed away a step, putting himself at a bit of a distance. 

“Felix told me that you might have thought there was something going on between that trainee and I. There's not, I promise.” He goes on. 

“Oh yea? What else did he tell you?” You ask, crossing your arms. 

“Your address.” 

“Mhmm, and by that kiss i'm guessing you don't hate me.” You say thinking out loud at this point. Hyunjin frowns and pouts his lips a bit.

“Hate you? I could never hate you.”

“Well, I wanted to tell you this last night, but I felt like I was definitely intruding.” You start, but you don't want to talk much about that since all you could really think about is his lips at this point. “I am relocating my home base here in Korea.” You blurt out. His eyes look away and back to you quickly. His head tilts a bit in confusion. You wait, letting him comprehend what you just said. Then in the next second, his eyes jump in shock. He looks back at you and his mouth falls open. 

“You're staying in Korea?” His voice comes out strained. You couldn't say anything from the look on his face. Thank fuck he was right or else he would've been broken all over again. You just nod your head really fast, and brace for impact. Which thankfully you did, he runs the very short distance to you and he scoops you up hugging your body. He spins with you in his arms, and you both laugh. 

As soon as he puts you down he grabs your face again and kisses you. This time you kissed back instantly causing the kiss to level up quite a bit. His hands slowly make their way to the back of your head to hold you still as he kisses you deeply. One of his hands runs down to your waist to pull you impossibly close. 

“I missed you so fucking much.” He moans against your lips. You couldn't help but to whine at his words. Because God you missed him so much. Your hands mess up his perfect hair as you run them through it. 

His lips break away from yours again, and he suddenly bends down and grabs onto your thighs and lifts you up. Your sudden shock doesn't help and he leans you against the wall. He laughs a bit as he comes back in for some more kisses. Once he has a better grip on you. He lifts you off the wall and walks towards the living room. 

“Down the hall, first door.” You mumble and kiss down his cheek to his neck so that he can find his way to your room. 

He gets to the end of your bed and he drops you on top of it. You let out a small shriek when he does. 

“What's with you, you're so aggressive?” You ask laughing a bit. He smiles down at you as he climbs on top. 

“Try having the love of your life leave for five years and come back and tell me how you feel.” He mumbles against your ear then kisses it. 

“Mhm, I left the love of my life, but now I'm back and I'm staying, so I know that we have all the time in the world.” Your words barely come out and his lips leave marks all over your neck. He rips your top off and starts to leave more.

“Well during this time, I'm going to show you how much i've missed you.” He hooks his fingers into the waistband of your bottoms and he pulls them off. He leans down and leaves baby kisses on your skin, trailing down in between your legs. You let out a shaky breath when he leaves a kiss on you right above your panties. 

He didn't waste anymore time and he ripped them off. His tongue touches you first, and a sigh leaves you. Your fingers find his head and you grip on to his hair for dear life, pushing and pulling on his head as he eats you out. He puts one of your legs on his shoulder and he leans up just a bit, so he could get his tongue deeper. Soon his fingers join, making you scream out in utter pleasure. Your lower body was twitching so much, making him hold on to your for damn near dear life. 

“Mhm, I can't wait.” He suddenly lets you go and he rips his shirt off, and he leans up and unbuckles his belt. You got distracted by his slightly cared out torso, and so he quickly undoes the rest of his pants and pushes them off. You go to grab onto him, but he stops you and pushes you back. He mounted you and slid his dick against you a couple of times to coat himself in your juices.

“I wanted to taste you too.” You whine a bit, your mind filling with the thoughts of him.

“Like you said, all the time in the world.” He mumbles and takes a peek up at you. He bites his bottom lip as he slowly pushed himself into you. Any response you had to his words, disappeared. This feeling was better than you would've ever thought. You finally have everything you've ever wanted in life. 

He leans down on top of you and he thrusts his hips against yours. His arms were flexed on either side of your face. He gazes down at you, his eyes stuck on your lips Your face is scrunched up in pleasure, your mouth falls open in an ‘o’ shape. He takes that chance and kisses you deeply. He slows down his hips, giving you long deep strokes. You could barely keep up with his kisses from the constant bliss you were getting from him. 

He pulls away and trails down your neck, marking you up some more, making the ones that were already there, bigger. He kisses down your torso. Before you could whine about him not being on top of you, he quickly flips you over on your stomach. He pulls your hips up making you bring yourself on all fours. The way he was handling you really turned you on. He always was so gentle with you. 

His hand pushes your back down a bit, and you arch it as much as you could. He pushes into you again and he bottoms out. He leans over you leaving kisses on your back as he drills into you. 

“You aren't going to leave me again? Mhm?” He asks you in a low voice. All you could do is cry out, but you nod your head trying to answer him. He moves your head so it's to the side and he gives you a kiss on your cheek.

________

You lay on the bed, your body covered in sweat. Hyunjin gets up and asks you where the bathroom is. Your eyes were closed and you were so close to being asleep. You tell him and he walks off.

He walks into your bathroom and notices everything to set up a nice bubble bath. He was surprised how big of a tub you have. 

Once he was done filling it up. He lights the candles that you already have. He walks back to your bed and sees you fast asleep on the bed. He smiles and walks around to the side you are closer to. He leans down and picks you up, startling you. 

“Hyunjin, put me down.” You groan. You just want sleep. 

             “You gotta get cleaned up.” He smiles down at you as he sets you on your feet. Your eyes widen at the view in front of you. He takes a step forward and puts a foot in.

“It's perfect, come here.” He holds a hand out, you quickly take it and he helps you in. You sit down in the warm water. It was perfect, your body easily welcomes the water as you go down. He quickly finds the spot behind you and you. His arms circle around you and he snuggles into your body from behind. You couldn't help but to smile and play with his hair a bit that was on your shoulder. 

“I love you so much. It's like all the hard times i've had in the past don't even exist when you're around. As stupid as I sound, plese don't leave me again.”

[zontiky]

au where lila is adopted imto the umbrella academy

*rubs my gay little hands together* heehee hoohoo

first off im gonna say sorry diego :/ 

KJRWKESFDHK JOKING IM JOKING SORRY

so lila grows up to be less of a manipulative shit bc she doesnt need it to survive or gain love from her parent

no thats not right

she receives real/”real��� love from grace and reggie doesnt even pretend to give them love so unlike the handler who used love as leverage

so while lila is still cunning and sly and shit she also doesn’t try so hard to manipulate the hargreeves, bc, theyre her family

controversial take but i think lila and five would be close

this take is also hilarious but maybe only to me

both of them are good at getting things done and getting their way and also maybe it has smth to do with lila really liking how fives powers work?

it would really hit her hard when five leaves. bc that was her friend right there. maybe she and ben and/or vanya form a bond based on being bitter five left them behind

lila and ben would be a good friendship i would like to see it

six seven eight hanging out... hhh

OOOH MAYBE VANYA WOULD BE 8? because she’s powerless now? no no the number system existed before their powers came in nvm

its arbitrary so w/e lila’s #8 kjshssd

i think it’d once again be harder to blank slate vanya because,,  lila can use vanyas powers. she knows vanya has powers. maybe im not making any sense but also i just think it’d be nice for vanya to catch a break

maybe when little allie tries to rumour lila into forgetting lila pulls out that uno reverse card

or uno DEFLECT card lmao

but assuming vanya is still powerless, i still think vanya would have a bit of a better upbringing than canon

1) vanya has TWO other girls in the house who hang out with her and do girl things and yay sisters! 2) lila... gets it. her powers are reliant on the other’s powers. without them using their powers first, she basically has nothing. she gets it! vanya may be completely powerless but lila doesn’t have powers unless they’re training or they’re fighting and so vanya and lila would be close too

maybe vanya still gets some training bc of that! because if lila, part-time powerless, trains, and doesn’t use powers for half of battles, maybe vanya, “powerless,” can train and fight too

and i know this isnt a good thing bc like. hellooo child soldiers lmao?? but also vanya would feel like shes more of a part of the family and would have a friend by her side and maybe wouldnt even want to write the book in the first place

but also at the end of s1, when it’s discovered vanya DOES have powers, and they’re the most powerful of them all, actually, maybe lila grows bitter

i mean wouldnt you? the one person who was “less” than you, who you were better than in even the slightest way, is suddenly the baddest bitch around

so that sets up some interesting stuff for s2 haha

maybe ben doesn’t die

with another person on the mission, maybe somebody has his back. maybe ben doesn’t die

that’s assuming ben’s death was accidental tho bc we’ve all seen the death-by-horror-suicide theories

but anyway maybe lila stops ben’s death just by being there and fighting other people so ben has one more person covering him. maybe she’s there and it doesn’t matter and ben dies anyway. idk

if ben dies anyway then i think lila would be Extra Bitter but also really sad

five left her and now ben too? the people she cares most about keep getting torn away from her

and that’s not a good way to think because obviously her other siblings are hurting too, and theyre there with her too, and theyre there to do their best to support her in their own shitty way, and lila cares about them too...

but still. 

also tho lila and diego friendship... this is jumping back up a couple bullets back to before or right after five left

in s2 lila and diego both being in the asylum together would still be funny. lila pulls the bacon out of her sock and diego rolls his eyes and takes it, not even phased, because she’s been doing this for yearsss

ok if five doesnt leave and ben doesn’t die i think they might have a bit of a better life post-academy? but also if five does and ben does then i have no idea what lila would be

maybe she opens a shop

yeah i think that would be nice. lila’s store au JHSFKJHKSD

i think she might follow one of the siblings (diego or vanya) in their career paths bc its been drilled into her from the beginning that shes nothing without someone else to copy

maybe diego bc he still has powers... maybe she’d want to keep at least some powers

but if vanya didnt get suppressed or still got trained at least i think she’d go with vanya because they just do better together and diego is a bootlicker anyway /j but no seriously i get why he chose the police academy but also why not a fucking firefighter bitch?

FIREFIGHTER LILA. I LIKE THAT

maybe vanya plays in the orchestra and lila plays in a band

OK BUT IF BEN DOES DIE. maybe she follows klaus around for a bit because she cant bear to let ben go and when she copies klaus’ powers she can see him... even if just for a bit

that would impact ben’s arc a lot too because he’s not completely alone with only klaus, who is high out of his mind most of the time to keep him company, but also lila too, who i dont think would mess with drugs

so basically lila being added to the mix would mean everyone is just a little less alone i think

maybe luther is also less... mm idk how to put this

maybe he’s disillusioned a bit earlier regarding reggie? because he’s supposed to be #1 and the best but lila can do just what he can too. she can lift cars and throw people from buildings too. so how special is he really?

GOD i love thinking abt this. lila would impact all of their stories, in major or minor ways, and its really cool to explore how that would transpire

i think allison might also be a bit humbler before stepping into marriage in regards to using her powers

because if someone uses her own power on her as she’s growing up i feel like she’d learn that doing that has big consequences faster? maybe she’d still rumour her way into some roles or some classy interviews or just in general use her powers to help her career a bit... but i think with her knowing what its like to be rumoured she wouldn’t use it in personal situations. so maybe she wouldnt rumour claire.

maybe claire doesn’t exist at all bc it’s implied she rumoured patrick into falling in love with her :bonk: or maybe she still married patrick but later on because their relationship needs to develop first

oh also maybe pogo would be less of a BITCH in s1 because lila is persuasive tm 

yeah um thats all ive got alsfkds

THIS IS A FUN GOOD AU. i hope u like my Thoughts

[leverage-ot3]

notable moments from The Maltese Falcon Job

leverage 2.15

Hardison (checking phone): Guys, they are ripping through Nate and Tara's cover stories. All their financials are blown. So look, until I know what they know, no credit cards, no debit cards, no ATMs, nothing that can be traced back to us. OK? Cash in hand only.

- - - - -

Nevins (on phone): No, not a safe house. Interpol wants Culpepper someplace off our system. We're taking him to the Governor Hotel.

Nate: OK, that's it. That's where we're gonna hole up.

Tara: The Governor Hotel?

Nate: Yeah.

Tara: The hotel crawling with FBI?

Eliot: FBI and Interpol.

Nate: Yeah, you know, it's the one place in Boston they won't be lookin' for us. Come on, we just gotta get there first

smart

- - - - -

Tara: Oh, thank God! I just stepped out to get the paper and then my door closed behind me and I tried to find a house phone, but you guys don't have those anymore. (drops towel) Oops.

Man: Uh...

(Eliot and Parker look down the hall, then at each other, then down the hall)

parker, g i r l, close your mouth

they were both slightly Into It™ and you can’t change my mind

- - - - -

Hardison: In-room checkout. (sits down on bed with keyboard) OK, look, this means that I have access to the hotel's billing computers. It's a big ol' backdoor in every hotel room in America. (hacks system) As of right now, we've been here for a week, and our reservations are good for another week, courtesy of this man's platinum card, Mr. Ogden Shields, who has spent a lot of time in the adult section of pay-per-view. I mean, did he even leave the room?

Parker: In-de-panties Day?

~ a few moments later ~

(Parker takes keyboard from Hardison’s hands)

Eliot: All right, I'm gonna go get some keys made. I'm goin' to the gym. Make sure I can charge stuff on the room.

Hardison: I gotcha.

(women moaning on TV)

Parker: Wow, she really wants that car clean.

Hardison: That’s-that's enough of that

parker is baby and hardison wants to protect her from that nastiness

- - - - -

Nate: Why do we care about him?

Hardison: 'Cause he's big on the surplus weapons market.

Eliot: (laughs) That's just a polite way of saying arms dealer.

Tara: His specialty's buying cheap guns from Third World countries and reselling 'em.

- - - - -

Nate: Don't worry about Sterling.

Eliot: Did you just say, "Don't worry about Sterling?"

Nate: Yeah, don't worry about Sterling. What you don't think I can beat Sterling?

Eliot: I think in the last six months, Nate, I've heard you talk about beating the Triads, beating the Russians. All right? Maggie's boyfriend. Huh? How'd that work out? We all said that meet was a bad idea, right? But you got a taste for taking down this Mayor and you can't resist.

Nate: You wanna walk away? Walk away.

Eliot: I'm not walkin' away. It's not my job. My job is to get your back. And, Nate, I'm gonna do it. All the way down. But I need you to do your job.

Nate: And what's that?

Parker: Be Nathan Ford. Be the person we came back for

PARKER BABY she showed emotion I’m so proud of her

- - - - -

(Eliot holds up the piece of paper taken from Bonanno’s house that reads ‘Maltese Falcon’)

Eliot: That's still bugging me, man.

we love to see eliot confiding/leveling with hardison

- - - - -

Parker: Ooh! But, uh, I have mini-bar.

her in the maid outfit with the french accent

+ HER WINK IM GAY

- - - - -

Nate: You help Tara and Parker. I'm gonna stall Sterling.

Hardison: How?

Nate: I'm thinking.

(Sterling gets into an elevator. Nate heads up the stairs, stopping at every floor to push the elevator button. Sterling begins to get irritated when the elevator stops at every floor but never sees Nate, who gets progressively more tired as they go upward)

[Hallway]

(Sterling gets off on the 14th floor. Behind him, Eliot pushes his cart into the elevator. Sterling glances at him but the door closes before he can get a good look. Sterling approaches the door the FBI agents are guarding)

petty and fucking ICONIC I wouldn’t have the stamina for that but neither would nate tbh and honestly he was probably running on pure spite to make that happen and I respect him for that

- - - - -

Parker: Housekeeping!

(she goes inside, pulling her cart in behind her. Once in the room, she finds Tara and Hardison in the window. Hardison is tangled in his line, and Tara is trying to help him)

Hardison: Ow. That's... Stop. Hey, I got this. Stop. I don't need help.

Tara: Clearly you do.

Hardison: I got this. I got this. Go.

LMFAO E V E R Y TIME

we love to see the running bit of hardison utterly FAILING at anything rappelling related

- - - - -

Culpepper: Where are the agents? Where are the agents? There should be two FBI agents standing at the door.

(Eliot walks in with Parker thrown over his shoulder)

Nate: Did you have to?

Eliot: She saw our faces.

Nate: OK. Yeah, put her in the tub with the others.

(Eliot takes her into the bathroom)

- - - - -

eliot can always knock a bitch out with one (1) punch

- - - - -

Sterling: So, I'm gonna make you a deal. You find Kadjic, tie him to the guns, I'll give you a free pass. Just this once, you get to walk away with your record wiped clean.

Nate: My team?

Sterling: They go down. Every last one of 'em. They deserve to go down. They're criminals, Nate. Thieves. So that's the deal. You bring me Kadjic and the guns, and I cut you and you alone loose. Because at the end of the day you're always right. You're not a thief. This is your second chance.

(Sterling picks up the flask and walks away)

this was actually really interesting to see. sterling leveled with nate. he knows nate, knows how he works, thinks he knows who nate really is on the inside. they have a Past™

- - - - -

Nate: Yeah. No. I... I, uh... Listen, I need you to come back. Um... I need you. Uh, I need you.

[Interior Helicopter]

Sophie: No, no, no. Speak up. I'm traveling and...

[Leverage Headquarters]

Nate: Not the team. Me. For me. Not for a con. I just... Listen, I... I don't know who I am anymore, Sophie. And, ah... When, when I was chasing you and everything and we were doing cons, I knew who I was, but not anymore. As crazy as this sounds, I need you to tell me, tell me when I'm goin' too far. I mean, it just... It gets out of control and I just don't know who I am and, and you've always been... .y compass. And, you know, I care about you more than yo-you'll ever know, because I lo... I lo...

lmfao when the signal is lost? tragic

- - - - -

eliot is wearing a flannel in the final scenes

- - - - -

the obama portrait very visible in the background of the government building? we love to see it

- - - - -

eliot DING DONG WE’RE HOME spencer owns my whole (whole) heart

- - - - -

Nate: What are you doing?

Eliot: Countin' all the guys with guns.

Nate: How many?

Eliot: A lot

smart and TOTALLY an eliot thing to do

- - - - -

Parker: Don't worry. No one's ever died going in through an air duct.

Tara: Oh, this is comforting.

Parker: I mean, worst case, you slip and fall. Break your legs. Lay there for days, scratching on the metal. It's like a long, metal coffin with wind. (excited) Let's go!

(Parker runs across the roof)

she’s baby and I love her. never, ever change parker

- - - - -

Computer: Match identified.

Hardison (bending over keyboard): Damn, you finally found something, half-pint?

HE CALLS HIS COMPUTER HALF PINT ??? ICONIC

- - - - -

Hardison: Parker, where are you?

Parker: Sorry, had a buzz from the alarm system, I couldn't hear a... thing. What?

(Parker’s face hardens and she heads for Tara, who is putting the rappelling gear back in the oxygen tank)

Tara: Parker, what's wrong?

(Parker grabs Tara by the throat and pushes her back until she is leaning over the edge of the building)

~~~

Tara: You're really strong.

Parker: Yeah. I hang from buildings with my fingertips.

Tara: It's not what you think. I was setting up a meeting!

Parker: Actually, that was exactly what I was thinking. Bye now.

Tara: Not for myself

- - - - -

ANNIE KROY IS BACK

- - - - -

(Eliot, his hands tied, is being led to some stairs by two goons.)

Man: I'll get the hatch.

(one man moves ahead of Eliot while the other stays behind him. When Eliot doesn’t follow the first man up the stairs, the second pushes him)

Man 2: Come on.

Eliot: Thirteen.

(Eliot and the second man struggle, sending gunfire rifling across the ceiling before the second man is knocked down. The first man comes back and kicks Eliot in the face. Eliot kicks him in return)

Eliot: Come here!

(Eliot swings his hands across the first man’s face, knocking him back)

Eliot: Twelve.

(Eliot knocks the first man out)

Eliot: Eleven.

(Eliot starts up the stairs, but hears someone else coming and waits around a corner. After a brief struggle, he knocks this man out as well and breaks the zip ties on his wrist)

Eliot: Ten. (heads up the stairs

HOOOOO BOY

MARK ME DOWN AS SCARED AND HORNY

also if parker and hardison know what he was doing? they’d be marked down as the same

- - - - -

Tara: All she asked was that I report back to her every now and then. Are we sure this is the fastest way?

Parker: Yeah, look. (looking at car GPS) There's no traffic this way. So, you were spying on us.

Tara: I was not spying. I was an early warning system. Sophie just, she was worried Nate might go off the rails. So, if it ever looked like he was spinning out of control, I was supposed to call and let Sophie lay in a backup plan just in case.

Parker: Yeah. Why not us?

Tara: Because you were too likely to forgive him.

Parker: I suppose gettin’ busted by the FBI and trying to bring down arms dealers while kidnapping a mayor does qualify as out of control.

Tara: So, anyway, I used my contacts to get Sophie set up as a buyer for the guns. You know... You actually had me worried for a second that you were gonna drop me.

Parker (laughs): That is silly

- - - - -

(Hardison is carrying a large monkey wrench and smiling. He hears noises and goes to investigate, seeing Eliot starting up a ladder)

Hardison: Hey. It took you long enough.

Eliot: What?

(Eliot starts toward Hardison, but a man points a gun to his head)

Man: Freeze.

(Eliot grabs the gun and knocks the man out)

Eliot: One.

Hardison: What

hardison if he knew what eliot was doing: hot damn

- - - - -

(the team gathers together. Parker hugs Sophie)

Sophie: Ooh. Parker touching.

Parker: Kinda, yeah.

- - - - -

Eliot: There's not that many ways out of here.

Sophie: Eliot, when I arrange a rescue, I do it properly.

(a helicopter lands on the docks near the ship. The team heads down the stairs, but Nate hesitates, looking down at the blood on his hand from his side. He goes down the ladder to join the team on the lower deck)

- - - - -

Nate: I've destroyed all the evidence the FBI has on Culpepper and Kadjic. You have no photos, no tapes, you don't have anything. You don't have a case on anybody, unless you arrest me. And only me.

Sophie: Nate?

Nate: I agree to turn state's evidence. I testify to what Kadjic told me, how he put the hit on Bonanno. Hell, I'll even give you Bonanno's evidence against the gunrunning.

Eliot: Nate, I can take these guys.

Hardison: It's just ten more yards to the chopper, man.

Nate: Listen, guys. I got you into this mess. This is the only way to get you out.

eliot is still ready to fight for his family no matter what and hardison just wants them to leave because they’re SO CLOSE

- - - - -

Nate: Come here.

(the team moves closer to him)

Nate: You guys are the most honorable people I have ever met in my life. You've become my family. My only family. I won't forget that. (looks at Eliot) Now get 'em on the chopper. Please. Now!

Eliot: Let's go.

(Eliot nudges Parker and she reluctantly heads for the gangplank. Eliot touches Hardison’s arm)

Eliot: Let's go, man.

(Hardison walks away. Eliot hesitates a moment, shaking his head, then follows the others, hesitating at the top of the gangplank near Sterling)

nate trusts eliot, and only eliot, to be the one to be able to get the rest of the team out of there and into the helicopter. he knows eliot and how much he cares for his family and will do anything to make sure they’re safe, and nate is betting on that to get them out of there

eliot has to be the one to make parker and hardison move because they’ll listen to him and also there would be a good chance that they’d try to stay with Nate otherwise

+

his gentle hands leading them away have my whole (whole) heart

- - - - -

(Sophie and Eliot get on the helicopter, Eliot hesitating one last time before getting in)

this hurts eliot so much because he’s the RETRIEVAL SPECIALIST and he’s supposed to get everyone safe and never leave anyone behind I’m-

- - - - -

Agent: Who the hell is this guy?

Sterling: I don't know.

Nate: My name's Nate Ford, and I am a thief.

(more sirens are heard. Nate begins laughing as the helicopter lifts off and more police cars and agents arrive, surrounding Nate and the dock. Nate watches the helicopter fly away)

MAJOR character development for nate this season (2.01 had him refusing that he was a thief and in multiple other episodes in this season)

oh and also, y’all, just like last season, if I had to watch this go down like that with my own two eyes and have that be the end of leverage (because they close every season like it’d be the last) I would have fucking R E V O L T E D

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

But You Can Never Leave [Chapter 3: Signed In Blood]

Series summary: You are an overwhelmed and disenchanted nurse in Boston, Massachusetts. Queen is an eccentric British rock band you’ve never heard of. But once your fates intertwine in the summer of 1974, none of your lives will ever be the same...

This series is a work of fiction, and is (very) loosely inspired by real people and events. Absolutely no offense is meant to actual Queen or their families.

Song inspiration: Hotel California by The Eagles.

Chapter warnings: Language, physical frailty, sneaky foreshadowing.

Chapter list (and all my writing) available HERE

Taglist: @queen-turtle-boiii​ @loveandbeloved29​ @killer-queen-xo​ @maggieroseevans​ @imnotvibingveryguccimrstark​ @im-an-adult-ish​ @queenlover05​ @someforeigntragedy​ @imtheinvisiblequeen​ @joemazzmatazz​ @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhye​ @namelesslosers​ @inthegardensofourminds​ @deacyblues​ @youngpastafanmug​ @sleepretreat​

Please yell at me if I forget to tag you! :)

The cashier blinks at you as he scans the items in your basket: two Cokes, an orange juice, a Mountain Dew, a grape Fanta, a box of Ritz crackers, a KitKat, three packs of cherry Pop Rocks, and assorted bags of Lay’s chips. “You must have, like, a lot of kids.”

“Something like that.”

Terminal E of Logan International Airport is bustling with swiftly-moving businessmen dragging rolling suitcases, tidy-looking flight attendants, careening toddlers and frazzled mothers. The band is waiting at the gate; their plane to Heathrow is scheduled to board in thirty minutes. Our plane, you correct yourself. I’m going too.

“I’m sorry, ma’am, I ran out of paper bags but I can check in the back if you want—”

“Oh no,” you protest, slapping a ten-dollar bill onto the counter and gathering up the snacks. You’ve cultivated a stubborn solidarity with your fellow service industry employees. “That’s cool, I’ve got it. Thanks. Have a great day!”

“You too! Good luck with your kids!”

You laugh as you trot away. Yes, my very large, extremely anarchic British children. You could have sent Freddie and Rog for the snacks, but you don’t trust them not to try to steal something and end up getting strip-searched by TSA; Brian is still too weak to go anywhere alone; and John...well, John dissolves into blood-red cheeks and averted eyes if you ask him anything. You weave through the crowded terminal, shifting your arms to keep the snacks centered.

“Wow, you have your hands full there!”

You peer around the heap to see a businessman in a powder blue suit, neatly combed black hair, mid-thirties, benign smile. Your arms are beginning to ache. “Ha, yeah. I guess I do.”

“Need some help?” he asks, still smiling.

“Oh, thank you so much, but I’ve got it—”

“Nonsense.” He cheerfully plucks the chips and Pop Rocks out of your grasp. “Where are we going?”

Oh no. You know this type of man. He’s the guy who flirts with the nurses while his wife is recovering from a gallbladder removal, who tries to impress you with his mid-level accounting job and Marshall Field's neckties, who obliviously—or worse, forcefully—offers assistance when it’s least desired. He’s the type to play superhero so he can get a taste of what it feels like to be someone who matters. He’s not usually dangerous, but he is viperous if his fantasy gets interrupted, bitter and desperate and striking out like a wounded animal. Jesus christ, I do not have time for this bullshit today. The muscles in your forearms are screaming now. “Seriously, I can handle it. Thank you. Can I get my snacks back? My friends are waiting.”

His smile falters; suddenly, Mr. Aspiring Superman doesn’t seem so benign at all. And you can’t help but notice that his grip around your criminally overpriced airport snacks doesn’t loosen. Oh fucking hell. “What the hell’s wrong with you? Are you stupid or something? Don’t you get it, I’m trying to help—”

“Hey, baby!” chimes a voice from nowhere. An arm appears around your shoulders, pulling you in; John lands a series of kisses across your neck and jawline as the businessman gawks, speechless and horrified. “Did you finish shopping? Oh, you remembered my Coke! Thanks, baby. You’re the best. Come on, they’re gonna start boarding soon...” He stops, stares at the businessman, points with narrowed steely grey eyes: “Are those my Pop Rocks?”

“Uh, uh, yeah, uh...” The man hastily shoves the snacks into John’s hands and flees. John immediately backs away from you, clears his throat, casts his eyes down the opposite end of the airport terminal.  

“Oh my god,” you say, stunned. “I’ve never heard you talk that much at once. Ever.”

He flushes and combs his agile fingers through his hair. “Yeah, I’m so sorry, I just thought...I saw that he was...I figured that would get him to piss off without causing a scene...I’m sorry, I don’t know why I did that, I—”

“No, John, seriously, that was brilliant. Thank you.”

“Yeah?” And you think you can detect something in his voice like hope: cautious, fragile hope. More than that, you can still feel his lips against your skin, hot and sure and assertive, almost dominating.

You grin over at him as you walk together towards the gate. “I bet everyone thinks you’re real innocent because you’re the shy, quiet, mysterious one or whatever. But you have some serious game under all of that, don’t you?”

John chuckles out of pure shock, still not looking at you. “I doubt it.”

“I’m onto you, bassist. Those groupies aren’t going to know what hit them.”

Wait, he has a girlfriend, isn’t that what Freddie said? But if he does, John doesn’t correct you.

“Do I see my beloved Pop Rocks?!” Roger squeals when he spies you both. John tosses all three packets to him. Roger rips one open, pours the entirety of the contents into his mouth, then motions for you to pass him the can of grape Fanta. He gulps the Fanta and drums his palms against his thighs as his mouth erupts into sugary explosions.

“Majestic,” you comment.

“Wha...?! I will not be outdone!” Freddie seizes all the remaining Pop Rocks—both packs—and empties them into his mouth, then douses them with Coke. Dark fizzing soda and ruby crystals spew out of his nose. Roger throws back his head and cackles like a hyena as John launches balled-up napkins at Freddie. You ignore them and check on Brian, who is lounged sideways across five seats.

“How you doing, Bri?”

He groans in reply. You give him the orange juice and Ritz crackers.

“Eat, please, Bri.”

“I can’t. I’m dying.”

“You aren’t bloody dying!” Freddie sighs, exasperated, still mopping Coke off his face.

You lay the back of your hand against Brian’s forehead and frown. “You’re burning up, Mr. May.”

“I’ve got aspirin somewhere...” Roger says as he rummages through his luggage.

“He can’t have it. His liver’s still recovering, no over-the-counter meds.” You take two still-cold cans—your Mountain Dew and Bri’s orange juice—and press them to Brian’s cheeks. John, without speaking, lays his Coke against the back of Brian’s neck. “Think you can make it through a six-hour flight?”

Brian’s glassy eyes roam to you. “No offense, but I would literally rather be disemboweled by rabid opossums than spend another night in Boston.”

“Opossums very rarely contract rabies. But your point is noted. We’ll get you home.”

“Thank you,” Brian breathes, drained. “And thank you, John.”

“Not a problem.”

Freddie squats in front of Bri in skin-tight jeans littered with patches, brushes the mess of curls off Brian’s forehead, and pushes a Ritz cracker into his mouth. Brian grimaces but chews it reluctantly. Freddie grins. “You must be truly desperate to trust your wellbeing to Deaky.”

“He’s unexpectedly ferocious,” you warn Brian. “He ran off some creep at the snack stand. Kid could definitely murder you if he tried.”

“Yeah? Well done, Deaks!” Roger gives John a high-five, then aggressively ruffles his hair and growls. “Who’s my favorite little killer bassist?! Grrr. Grrrrrrrrr. Come on. Show me them pearly whites, Mack the Knife.”

John chomps at Roger’s hands in his very best impression of a shark. Roger laughs and yanks teasingly at John’s hair, his face lit up like the Boston Harbor on the Fourth of July.

The next time you look for Freddie, he’s disappeared. You finally spot him several seats away, bent over a notebook and scribbling furiously, snapping his fingers over and over again and murmuring to himself: “Killer bassist...killer woman...killer bitch...killer queen.”

~~~~~~~~~~

When boarding begins, Freddie and Roger practically carry Brian onto the plane. They drop him into a window seat and Brian promptly drapes a sweater over his head and falls asleep. You sit beside him and flip through a fashion magazine you found in the pocket on the back of the chair in front of you, but Roger keeps interrupting by ranking the pictured outfits on a scale of one to eleven.

“Why eleven?”

“Because I gave that neon yellow coat three pages ago a ten, but now I like these rainbow pants even more. So they have to be an eleven.”

“Okay Roger.”

Freddie and John sit in the row in front of you and alternate between scrawling in their notebooks—song lyrics for Freddie, sketches of some kind of amplifier for John—and tossing peanuts into each other’s mouths. John doesn’t speak to you, but he keeps glimpsing back between the seats like he’s considering it. When Roger gets up two hours in to take a smoke break and chase down extra peanut packets for Freddie, John finally turns around and peeks over his seat.

“Why don’t opossums get rabies?” he asks.

“That’s what’s on your mind?” you tease, sipping Mountain Dew.

“Maybe.”

“Okay. Buckle up. It’s technically possible for opossums to get rabies. But they have naturally super low body temperatures, like 94 or 95 degrees Fahrenheit. So the virus usually can’t survive in their system. Thus, squeaky clean opossums.”

“Well. Minus the ticks and fleas and dirt and rubbish and all that.”

“Most of the cute things in life are at least slightly grubby.”

“Like Roger Taylor.”

You laugh. “That man has definitely been submerged in garbage at some point.”

“You have no idea. But you have to learn to be a Londoner now. We wouldn’t say grubby, we’d say dodgy.”

“Dodgy. Got it.”

“Show me. Use it in a sentence.”

“Roger is super dodgy, while Brian is much less so. Jury’s still out on John.”

“Well done.” He applauds.

Now you reach out to touch his hair, like Roger did earlier; it’s impossibly soft and downy, comforting, almost homey. John smiles patiently. “You have fantastic bone structure, you know,” you tell him. “You should cut this off one day so people can see it.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely. But in the meantime...” You gently thread your fingertips through his locks, twirl a strand, observe that those blue-grey eyes that seemed steely back at the airport are now as soft and innocuous as morning fog. Roger reappears with his loot of peanut packets and gasps, pretending to be scandalized.

“What’s going on here?! Jesus, Deaks, I leave you alone for three minutes and you’ve got her all enamored with your soft cuddly exterior and latent homicidal tendencies.”

“It’s a winning combination.” John catches the peanuts that Roger hurls his way and turns to split them with Freddie.

You gaze up at Roger and beam. “Hey, dodgy Rogey.”

“Oh, you think that’s charming?” He slinks into his seat and drapes an arm across your shoulders. “You realize you’re one of us now, right? That makes you dodgy too.”

“As long as I don’t have to participate in any scandalous naked photoshoots.”

“Oh my god, that was one time! Freddie, Fred, hey, Freddie, why would you show her those...?!”

Hours later, when the plane hits the runway at Heathrow, Brian jolts awake and clutches for you like a staircase railing. He’s cooler to the touch now, appears less feverish, insists he feels better; nevertheless, Freddie and Roger escort him all through the airport like intense and sunglasses-armored Secret Service agents flanking Nixon, steadying him on escalators and dragging his luggage. As the five of you descend into the arrivals area, Freddie points to a group of young women and shrieks in delight, waves, blows flirtatious kisses all the way down the steps.  

“Freddie!” the blonde one calls, leaping in her heels and grinning enormously. She’s holding a large, glittery sign that reads: Welcome home, Queen! Freddie races to meet her, sweeps her off her feet, dips her halfway to the floor and kisses her deeply, theatrically. The blonde woman in his arms giggles and buries her fingers in his mane of shining black hair.

“Darling?” Freddie says, spinning to find you, flourishing his artful hands. “This is Mary Austin, the love of my life. Mary, this is our new best friend, Florence Nightingale.”

“Well,” you confess. “That’s not my actual name, obviously. It’s—”

“I quite like Florence Nightingale,” John says. “I’ve always fancied the name Florence. That’s where Dante was from. He was exiled during some political conflict and ended up bouncing around all over Italy. He eventually landed in Ravenna and finished The Divine Comedy there. By the time he died, he hadn’t seen Florence in twenty years. But Florence was always home.” He smiles at you in an off-kilter, crafty sort of way that tells you you’ve at last been admitted into the diminutive, highly selective circle of people that John calls friends; and you feel like you’ve won the lottery for the second time in forty-eight hours.

“Hmm,” Freddie replies, puzzled. Mary nods uncertainly. Then John turns to greet a petite auburn-haired girl in a simple turquoise sundress and with long, bone-white legs.

Brian pulls you away to introduce you to his girlfriend, the one he was always trying to call on the hospital phone. He rests his hands on your shoulders as he presents you. “Chrissie, I love this woman.”

Chrissie glowers and crosses her arms. “Oh.”

“Wait, no, sorry, I mean she saved my life. She was my nightshift nurse in Boston. I was completely lost before she found me, tremendously depressed. You know how I get. She’s come to London to look after me. Then we’re going to convince the record company to hire her as our travel nurse.”

“Oh!” Now Chrissie softens. She has wavy brunette hair, plump cheeks, marvelous wide-set blue eyes, a completely uncomplicated presence. She embraces you kindly, gratefully. “Thank you so much, love.”

“No, please, it was my pleasure! Bri is a perfect gentleman. And a genius. But you already know that.”

“Chris, I was hoping she could borrow our couch for a few days until she finds her own place...”

“Of course!” Chrissie replies, fussing with your hair, studying you, her mind roiling. “What’s ours is yours. But it’s not much, I’ll warn you.”

“I’ll pay rent. And cook and clean. I’ll be a certified house wench.”

Chrissie laughs, then screams as Brian staggers and collapses to the floor. “Bri—?!”

“He’s alright,” you announce calmly as everyone crowds around. You claw through your luggage, pull out an instant cold pack, crack it and press it to Brian’s forehead. He stirs and mumbles something about New Orleans. “Rog, can you flag down a taxi? We gotta get him home.”

“Sure, you got it.” Roger darts off. And as Chrissie, Freddie, Mary, John, and John’s girlfriend—whom you gather from their conversation is named Veronica—scuttle to reassure Brian and fetch him water, you lock stares with Josephine. Roger’s girlfriend—super casual, not exclusive, that’s what he told me—is beautiful and slim and tan and dark-eyed and, worse than all of that, palpably clever. She considers you silently, and what crosses through her pristine, heart-shaped face is not mere suspicion but knowing; and perhaps there is acceptance there as well.

No, not acceptance, you realize. Resignation. Disappointment. Powerlessness.

You tear your eyes away from Josephine and turn back to Brian: tilting a bottle of water against his lips, pulling him to his feet, fanning him with airplane tickets, leading him to a bench to wait for the taxi. The others help, oblivious to the shadow that has marauded through the room like an eclipse.

I won’t end up like her, you think to yourself with savage determination. I won’t let myself love him.

~~~~~~~~~~

Brian sinks into a plush orange lounge chair as you and Chrissie cart the luggage inside. You get a tour of their tiny apartment, shove your few remaining belongings beneath the couch where you now live, and drop into the plaid cushions, covering your face with your hands.

“Oh my god. I can’t believe I did this. I quit my job. I left Boston. I’m living on some random couple’s couch in London. Oh my god.”

“Hey,” Chrissie says warmly, lifting your chin. “We aren’t so random. We’re your friends. Maybe we’re even your destiny.”

“Jesus, you’re something out of a fairytale.”

“You’re the one who’s going to be cleaning my house, Cinderella.” Chrissie tosses a bag over her shoulder and heads for the door. “I have to swing by work and see if my students killed the substitute teacher today, will you two be alright here?”

“Of course,” you say. Brian gives her a groggy thumbs-up.

“Okay. Bye for now. Love you lots, Bri.”

“Love you,” Brian replies weakly. Chrissie departs into a bright London summer. Brian looks over at you sorrowfully, guiltily. “I miss New Orleans.”

“What do you miss about New Orleans, Bri?” You know Queen stopped there before they came to Boston, before they came into your life.

“Can I confess something to you?”

“Sure.”

He stares at the wall, vacant, acutely distressed. “I think I’m in love with a stripper called Peaches.”

“Oooookay.” You snatch up your purse and dash for the apartment door.

“Wait, no, really, I—”

“Don’t tell me about it. Call Roger or someone. Or, better yet, write a song about it and make some money so we can all have mansions with swimming pools one day. Do you need anything from that grocery store on the corner?”  

Brian sighs mournfully. “I suppose not.”

“Alright. I’ll be back in fifteen minutes. Then you’re getting homemade chicken noodle soup. Everything will be better now, Brian. I promise. Everything will go back to the way it should be. Now that you’re home. Now that you’re here.”

Brian echoes quietly to himself as you open the door and sunlight floods in: “Now I’m here.”

[katsukikitten]

Fading Summer

He held the purple controller with deadly hands, sitting shoulder to shoulder, feet from the TV with Kirishima, Denki, and Deku. The N64 you brought into the dorms has been the center of attention since you pulled it out of the dull cardboard box . Purple grape with one purple grape controller and the other jungle green. The other two controllers where black and midnight blue that you, the ash blonde, Kiri and Mina spent hours....weeks finding so more people could play either Mario kart or Smash bros together.

At first the scarlet eyed boy was aprahensive about the old gaming system. He saw how Kirishima and Pikachu would spend hours upon hours on their shared switch that could have been spent studying or training.

That was until he was challenged by you one lazy afternoon.

"Come on Katsu play one game with us!!!" Eiji begged, patting a spot between you and himself. Katasuki lounged on the couch, legs outstretched as he was planning to watch a movie before you two barged in.

Before you used your puppy dog eyes to get the remote so you two could play.

"No shark face." He sneered over the rim of his book. He locked eyes with you before a smile crept onto those soft lips.

"He's just scared he'll get his asked kicked is all Eiji." She said haunty, as she selected her character.

"Oh like hell I am." He snarls, climbing from the couch and forcing you and Kiri to scoot away from one another to make room.

He never could ignore the call of a challenge. And from then on he bested everyone, everytime in whatever game but you.

When he asked why you wouldn't want a switch instead your face lit up, as if reliving the bitter sweet nostalgia as you said.

"I've just had so many good times playing this with my friends and family. I just can't give it up."

So he had learned to love the feeling of the smooth plastic in his hands as this small thing was something that made him feel closer to you. Especially now that you two spent countless summer hours right here in front of the TV, laughing, shoulder to shoulder with a notebook keeping score of each others wins.

A notebook that lies open to the dark eyed boy, displaying the harsh tallies of class 1As winnings, everyone had at least one inky black tally before Katsuki played.

Everyone but you who had been absent since finishing dinner. His eyes wander to the stairs leading to the girls dorms before "PLAYER ONE WINNER" is bellowed from the TV.

"Come on Katsu let someone else win!" Mina whines as she pouts on the couch

"Nah you dip shits should just get better." He says dropping the controller to make his way to the couch.

"Where's Y/N?" Deku asks earning a glare from the ash blonde for asking first, "She's missing the last tournament before school starts again."

"Oh she said she wasn't feeling too well at dinner." Momo says, bringing the snacks from the kitchen. "She said she was going to bed."

You press the heels of your palms into your eyes.

"Get your shit together." You growl harshly at your reflection. Fat tears threatening to spill again, "Why are you crying over something so fucking stupid!"

Your reflection doesn't answer as you stare yourself in the eye, it only mirrors you splashing hot water onto your face as you scrub a towel over your cheeks.

When you hold eye contact again, it's as if you weren't crying.

You paced in your room, damning yourself for thinking sleep would soothe the weighted void that sits in your chest. Chiseling away at your heart until you were compelled to move.

To run, if even for a moment to have a taste of the dying summer air on your tongue one more time.

You stalk down the stairs quietly, having waited long enough for the tournament to be over. The light from the TV glows faintly in the dark hallway, you eased into the shadows on silent feet with your eyes on the prize.

"Oi, You're not as quiet as you think you are." You jump what feels like six feet in the air. Hand hovering over the cool handle of the front door.

The gruff voice comes from the direction of the living room and you do not need to turn around to know who it belongs too.

You thought for sure that whoever was in the living room was either knocked out or absorbed in the late night TV.

You feel your heart hammer in your chest, blinking furiously at the lingering tears. You're afraid your voice might give you away but your hesitation will tip him off.

"Oh Katsu, you're up so late. And on the first school night!" You tease him as you normally would, though you keep your back to him, he sucks his teeth.

"And where are you going at 10:30 at night?" You don't have to see him to know he is crossing his arms with distaste.

"Im just stepping out to the convenience store." You huff, not sure how much longer you can use your voice evenly.

The sun had already set so early tonight compared to the rest of summer. The sun no longer wanting to kiss the earth, to kiss you for over eight hours a day.

No it was dwindling and dwindling fast.

And that *scared* you.

"This late? By yourself? I don't think so." He says darkly. Hiding the concern in his voice the only way he knows how, with malice.

"Oh Katsuki-kun. I'm a strong independent young hero. I can handle myself for a ten minute walk." Except it won't be a ten minute walk, your feet will urge you further. You pull the handle and with it the door just for it to be slammed shut by a hot palm. He looms over you now, so close you can feel his breath on your ear when he speaks.

"Not by yourself. It can wait til morning. If its medicine I'll get it." You feel his eyes on you as they survey, you bite your lip debating on tricking him.

On sending him on a wild goose chase just so you could sneak out on that ten minute walk.

But you think better of it, he would be honest with you if the shoe was on the other foot and I'm sure he'd want you to be honest now.

Whether you wanted to admit it or not you knew in the back of your head that Bakugou Katsuki could read you like a book and vice versa.

It was only natural with how much time the two of you spent together this summer.

This now decaying summer that you could smell in the air after the rain, the slight smell of decomposing leaves that is so faint you almost think it false until Mina made that damn comment this afternoon. Wrapped in her hot pink towel, yellow eyes glued on Kiri who wrestles with Katsu in the pool.

*"Its gonna be winter before we know it." *

And those words hadn't left you since.

Not even now under the heated gaze of your crush.

The one who kinda reminded you of summer itself.

Hot, explosive like a storm and almost unpredictable.

"I'm going Katsuki." You say darkly, most you faulter but he is not like most, "So you can either let me go alone or you come with me."

He scarlet eyes rover over you, unsure of what you're feeling in the low cast of the moonlight from outside but your tone tells him something is wrong whatever it is.

Something tells him you aren't going to the corner store either.

"Fine." He bites out, resisting the urge to push you against the door to tell you that you are not going, instead he pushes away, "Just let me grab my fucking phone."

He walks backwards to the living room sending you a glare before turning on his heel.

A glare in warning not to leave without him. So you don't.

He huffs as the two of you walk in silence, eyes watching the corner store fade behind the both of you.

"So where are we really headed?" He sighs in mock agony.

"You'll see!!" Your mood has improved some, at least since you pulled in a giant breathe of air when the two of you stepped outside.

The crickets still singing in the warm night, calling to you in their song.

Your eyes look to the sky to see the full moon, your whole body relishing the warmth of the night time air. Smile so wide on your face that it hurts.

A smile that Katsuki finds contagious as his lips turn upwards, eyes glued to you.

You hear a clock chime signaling the time and you gasp, grabbing onto Katsuki's rough hand, dragging him as you break into a full spring.

"We're gonna miss the train!" You yell to him which encourages him to keep pace.

Once the doors close behind you, you both grip your knees gasping for air.

The only other person on the late night train smiles, eyes twinkling with sudden memories of their own late nights.

"Where the fuck are we going?" Katsuki asks with little bite in his voice as you settle in front of the window.

"Its a secret!!!" You sing song as the train rushes by scenery that he watches you drink up as if this is the last time you'll see it.

It isn't until the train crosses the bridge does he realize you two are headed to the last stop.

Which come faster than he'd like, only now is he realizing he could watch you stare out at the stars all night, the train chimes overhead and you stand pulling him once more.

You find yourselves in a huge crowd and you smile pulling him further through the throngs of people. You stop when you see little stands set up every where filled to the brim even so late at night. You stop suddenly to ask a woman in a beautiful yukata that shimmers in pinks and golds like the setting sun.

"Excuse me what is this?" You ask politely, your curiosity earning a huge smile.

"Ah this is the End of the Summer Festival!" When she says the word end you squeeze Katsuki's hand tighter, "All things summer is here for you to enjoy!"

He watches your face almost become crest fallen.

"Why so late in the day," His tone comes out harsh and the woman glances between the two of you giving a small blush.

"Ah it's an all day event so everyone can enjoy it! Some people work so late they were missing it and others just couldnt say good bye to summer before sunset. Please enjoy the festival!"

You blink hard and try to take in your surroundings. You spy many little market stands filled with food, games and hell even an arcade.

Katsuki does not pull away from your soft grip on his hand, in fact his interlocks your fingers so you can pull him better. You don't look back when he does it and you don't look back as you pull him through the stands.

You start by buying you both Yakitori, followed by mouthwatering Ayu, some Takoyaki and all sumed up by sweet Taiyaki.

That is until you spot the famous colored cotton candy shaped like a fat unicorn horn.

Katsuki does not complain while he waits in line with you, your eyes finding your next adventure. He does not complain when you ask him to take a picture of you underneath the paper lanterns, that hit you in such a way that he cannot take his eyes off of you, or your smiling face as you stare at him.

You do not realize he sends the picture to himself as you slide your hand back into his offering him some of the sugary string to which he takes a large bite.

Letting the sugar dissolve agaisnt his tongue he wonders if your lips will be as sweet if not sweeter. He blushes but you do not notice as you drag him to a game.

"Step right up! Only 500 yen!" The man calls, "Break the record of seven watermelons with one punch and win the grand prize!"

Your eyes widen with glee as you see the oversized cat plush holding your favorite dessert, a taiyaki bun, in its obnoxiously cute black paws. The thing is so cute and sweet just looking at it makes Katsuki a little nauseous but when he sees the want glinting in your eyes he reluctantly releases your hand with out your asking to crack his neck.

"Alright line up as many as you've got." His eyes gleam with competative arrogance, forearm dancing with small explosions.

"Alright. If you can do 10 then I will throw in 10,000 yen." The elderly man says smugly lining up over 25 watermelons.

"Heh. Get ready to pay up gramps. Oh and of course I want that cat too."

"Sure thing kid. But you gotta get seven if you wanna win that for your pretty girlfriend over there." He laughs and Katsuki's cheeks burn with rage and blush.

He winds up and packs it with punch as he slams his fist into the first watermelon obliterating it and the shock from the blast causes the other 25 watermelons to explode as well. You squeal with delight.

"KATSUKI-KUN YOU WON!" Practically jumping with joy over his triumph confirming that he would do it all over again just to see you that happy.

Even if it took him braking 25,000 watermelons he would fucking do it for just a glimpse of the smile you've been hiding the past few days.

Katsuki smirks with manic malice as he jumps up to grab the oversized cat before holding out his hand.

The elderly man stands in uter shock as he stares down the red mess before him hesitant as he digs around for his little silver box of cash. He counts out the 10k yen sending you two on your way.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" You say as you squeeze the hell out of the cat, still jumping. Katsu sucks his teeth unable to keep the genuine smile off of his own face.

"It was nothing." He says as you slip your ever soft palm to his. His skin buzzes everytime yours touches his and he gladly let's you take the lead.

"Ah I'm thirsty after all that excitement." You beam, Bakugou spies a soda stand, fingering the easily got yen in his pocket.

"I'll get us a cherry soda, stay put." He says as he stands you off to the side since the line is hatefully long. He stares down at his phone at the picture of you he just took, smiling like a mad man as he waits.

You will always be worth the wait.

"This is your final warning." You growl darkly, causing Bakguou to look up with sharp eyes. He sees you placing the stuffed animal on the bench as this guy harasses you.

"Come on sugar tits." Katsuki practically blows up in line then and there as he stalks towards your back. He slips his right arm around your front pressing into your left hip bone pushing you into his body. He tilts his head as he left hand ignites inches from the guys face.

"Did you just fucking call *my* girl sugar tits?" His voice is so dark near your ear that you blush, letting your quirk fade from your palms.

And did he just say my girl?

Your gut clenches as he pulls you impossibly closer. Hand still letting off pops.

"I think you owe her a fucking apology before I make you sorry you ever thought you could disrespect a woman like that you stupid fuck."

"I..I'm sorry." The guy stammers with his now burnt off eyebrows as he bows deeply.

"Grab Neko-chan, Y/N." Katsuki purrs in your ear barely letting you go to do so. You hold onto the cat with all your might, heart banging against your rib cage as you overthink the encounter.

He was just doing it to be nice right?

You hesitantly reach for his hand before changing your mind. He glances at you with searing red eyes offering you his open palm.

"Where to next?" He asks, you stare at the invitation, frozen for a moment before you grab onto him with a strong hold.

"This way!" You smile taking him and Neko-chan in tow. You lead him to the small arcade challanging him to see who can win the most in street fighter.

He somehow kicks your ass by one match and you smile at this genuine excitement for victory. He catches you staring as you blush, nuzzling half of your face into Neko-chan's fur, making your eyes seem larger and doe like.

Katsuki swallows, more blush dusting his cheeks as he asks is a gruff tone.

"Whatchya starin at?" You giggle in response.

"Nothing!" You fight another giggle, arms tightening around black fur, "I just like your real smile is all."

He sucks his teeth and looks away not trusting himself to ignore the urge to shove that damn plush out of the way to see the smile you're hiding behind it, or to keep himself from kissing those lips that are curled up.

"I'll be right back." He leans in close to you with nothing separating you two but Neko-chan, "Try not to let anyone else hit on ya kay?"

"K...kay." He's pretty sure that's the first time you've stumbled over your words, positive that's the first time he's seen your cheeks so red.

On the way back from the bathroom he spies two little necklaces in the display case of prizes. One is a purple N64 console and the other is the matching controller. He likes the idea of them around your neck thanks to him and taps the counter with his freshly won 10,000 yen tapping at the set.

He produces the two small chains and watches as your eyes light up.

"Aaahhh!" You say separating the two as you slide the N64 console around your neck, holding out the controller to him. He frowns as he glares at it.

"You're supposed to wear both." He growls, though his grimace fades with every second you stare at him.

"No silly they are best friend necklaces!!!" You half sequal as you shove it over his neck. You tuck it beneath his black skull shirt, "See now it's our secret."

You smile a devilish smirk before you glance at the time on the analog clock behind him. You grab onto his hand with a death grip.

"Katsuki come on we are gonna miss it!" You whine as you drag him back into the busy street further and further through the festival until the people are so few and far between he wonders where you're taking him.

That is until his smells the tang of salted air brought in by what is normally a refreshing breeze that feels chilled from the changing seasons.

You rush him to the sand, breathing in the heavily summer scent, kicking off your shoes to feel the once warmed sand.

"Come on Katsuki-kun come on!" You urge as he fights with his own shoes willing to follow you to the ends of the Earth and it feels that way where you're taking him. Past a small bonfire to a secluded part of the beach where the moon hangs high over the ocean.

One can see all of the stars in the universe there in that little spot, his eyes look up drinking it all in before looking at an even more beautiful sight.

His heart skips a beat as your eyes dance in the starlight, cheeks now moon kissed and hair ruffled from the wind off the ocean, you close your eyes for just a moment to breath it all in.

The last bit of summer that you can smell before it all begins to disappear into sharper, more crisp smells.

He's close enough to you that he can smell the salt and sugar clinging to your skin, to your lips. He sighs, content for once in his life. Then the stars begin to fall in the deep reflection of your eyes.

"Katsu look!" You whisper shout and he follows your gaze to watch the sky fall.

"Make a wish make a wish!" You urge again and he silently prays that this moment will never end.

But sadly it does, as quickly as it came it went and your crest fallen face has his heart jumping into his throat. He attempts to swallow it down.

"Something wrong?" He asks so softly you wonder if it is still Bakugou sitting next to you and that one little question causes the tears to spill.

Yes something was wrong, terribly wrong.

"Oi..." He pulls you to him shielding your tears from the world as his hand subconsciously trailed up and down your spine, "Why are you crying? Are you not enjoying the last bit of summer?"

"That's it Katsu that's the problem. S..sum..." You choke on your tears before continuing, "Summer is ending and before you know it, it will be winter again. And then a new year and then summer will have flown by faster and faster until the next thing you know my whole life has slipped through my fingers. And I will be left feeling as if I missed all of it. Just like I am now, like I always do."

You fist his shirt as you cry, let it all out all the horrible thoughts of your life going by in the blink of an eye, as every new winter brings you more and more unhappiness and you are unsure why.

You only find solace in summer as things seem to slow down. When the days are stretched deep into the evening and each hour is blessed with such happy memories. Times of you with your N64, of you spending many hours outside baking in the heat of the sun, of miserable days when even the icecream is happy to melt. And especially this summer, *this* night that you've spent with Katsuki.

Memories you can never replace and pray

Hope and plead to any Kamisama who is listening that they will never allow you to forget.

"Hey it's all right." He soothes, "We can come back to this festival every year to help say good bye."

You hiccup, your tears slowing.

"And if that doesn't work I'll lasso the fucking sun for you. I'll be your summer incarnate. I'll do anything, *anything* to keep my girl smiling. To keep you smiling. All you have to do is fucking name it."

You blink away the tears as you stare up into his face and you can tell he's serious that he means it. Red fireworks erupt over head, lighting his eyes with an undying fire and you kiss him. Kiss him how you wanted to all summer. Slow burn that quickly ignites as your hands grab onto one another. Each fire work encouraging deeper and deeper kisses until you pull away. Almost gasping for breath. Your skin feeling heated as it does when you lie out in the sun too long. You hold his gaze, heart fluttering, eyes pricking with tears once more.

"Then lasso me the fucking sun, Katsuki."

[extreme-technicality]

Im only messing with you 😘 while im here though could i have some fic recs puh-leaaase - 🍍

Ooh honey, you have no IDEA the can of worms you just opened :D (since this list is so long I’m gonna split it up into SFW Complete, NSFW Complete, SFW Ongoing, and NSFW Ongoing)

SFW Complete:

The Invisible Girl [sonamae]: OK SO it’s Hagakure-centric, with background Hagakure x Shouji and KiriBaku. My favorite part about this is that the romance is important, but not the focus. The focus of this oneshot is on the family she creates with Bakugou, Satou, Todoroki, Kirishima, and Tokoyami. Go read it, it’s great. BIG BROTHER BAKUGOU FTW!!!!!

Ground Zero [sonamae]: Speaking of Big Brother Bakugou, this is the next oneshot in the same series as the above one, but from Bakugou’s pov. Again, the romance is important but not a focus, and that’s so fucking refreshing and I love it so mUCH idk what else to tell you. Just go read these two. The rest of the series isn’t complete, but these two specific fics ARE, hence why they’re in the Complete section.

Lighting The Beacon [M3zzaTh3M3z]: This is one of the first bnha fics I’ve ever read, and I’m so glad this was my introduction to the fandom!! It’s a pretty fluffy oneshot, starting off with Kiri asking Baku out and Baku rejecting him because “who ever heard of a gay hero?” Aizawa hears about that (the basics, no details like names or anything), and things…start to change. Mic says he’s married to a man (its Aizawa), All Might comes out as pan, ace Midnight…and at the end, Bakugou asks Kirishima out very publicly. It’s so near and dear to my heart, and it honestly deserves more attention than it gets.

You’re only relevant until you’re older (they’re gonna talk about you over and over) [futurehearts]: Pro-Heroes Red Riot and Ground Zero are happily married and Baku has a reputation to slowly destroy :D (he’s soft, mainly for his husband, and he knows it…and now so does the rest of the world lmaooo).

Love Notes [PurplePersnickety]: Kirishima gets really, REALLY sappy love notes on his desk for a week or two and works to figure out who it is (spoiler alert, it’s Bakugou being a Soft Bitch). When Kiri asks him about it, he confesses everything and they date in secret for six months before telling the whole class (oneshot).

Sonder [Maplefudge]: I bet this bitch thought she wouldn’t get a shout-out well guess what you write good and there’s nothing you can do about it This is the first work of maple’s I ever read, and it’s perf <3 I’m love. It’s a look at the “totally platonic” (how much sarcasm can I add to two words?) Kiribaku from members of the class, over the course of 13 chapters. It’s full of fluff, useless mutual pining, obliviousness, and “platonic bro kisses”. Read it if you need to scream at some useless gays.

Anger Management [Julietwasanidiot]: The entire fandom is gearing up for S4 by writing hurt/comfort KiriBaku post-raid fics, and I am HERE for it. Because of when it’s set though, there’s going to be spoilers so if you’re anime-only you migt want to steer clear of this one. It’s got an ICONIC rice-and-anger line, though.

Stupid Mistakes [lemxnfox]: Kirishima and Bakugou got in a fight! They fight a lot, but this fight they’ve been fighting for six months and the class is #OverIt. They concoct a plan to lock the two of them in a room and force them to make up– and they DO. Side ShinKami and TodoDeku.

No More Fragments [Ischemia]: Canon-compliant…to a degree. Shinsou takes his place as the Superior Purple in Class A, gets himself a boyfriend (Kaminari) and a squad (the Bakusquad)…and loses it. Or does he???? Canon-typical violence, side Kiribaku, mystery plot.

Caught In My Own Web [anxioussaliorsoldier]: SHINSOU IS IN 1-A!!!!! And he fucks up when trying to use his capture weapon lmao. Kaminari finds him and they recreate the iconic Spider-Man kiss…and then Shinsou passes out from the blood rushing to his head. It’s cute guys.

Be Selfish For Me [A_Reflective_Projection]: WARNING– the entire thing is Aizawa asking 1-A to be careful as pro heroes, by taking them to a hero graveyard. It’s painful. It’s sad (especially when Aizawa brings up a classmate of his who died in their first year as a pro). It ends bittersweet, and there’s some good Dadzawa content in there. The most present ship is Erasermic, and that only really makes an appearance in the last chapter.

Closer [MikeWritesThings]: Fluffy Erasermic, canon universe, where Aizawa starts calling in to Mic’s radio show cuz he misses him. It’s sweet af ❤️❤️

Meaningless Holiday [dysonQueer]: It’s a sweet Valentine’s Day fic, canon-compliant, with established Erasermic for the soul. I highly recommend it if you’re having a rough day and you need some feel-good fluff

Come Back Toe Me [Milligramme]: Aged-up, Pro Hero fic where Kiri has a shit day heroing, but he isn’t physically hurt. Not until he breaks his toe on the coffee table, that is. He can’t stop laughing, and Bakugou can’t stop worrying about his dumbass boyfriend.

Kiss Me Through The Screen [Ischemia]: Aged-up fic with ShinKami as the main focus and some side KiriBaku, but…uh, most of the Bakusquad aren’t full-time Heroes. Kami dropped out of UA completely, and Shinsou never went in the first place. So, Kaminari is working at Jirou’s cafe and works as a SFW camboy at night, while Shinsou is a teacher and watches the stream nightly. Later there’s a plot around a stalker, again please keep yourself safe Pineapple Anon!!

If I Don’t Act… [SilentNorth]: This is gritty and painful, but don’t worry! There’s a happy ending :D (I rarely read/write/recc pure angst, you’re safe here my child). Kiri is a college dropout working two jobs, living with Mina as his roommate, and with a hero complex the size of Texas. Enter art student Bakugou, who can save himself thank you very much. Some mention of depression/attempted suicide, as well as slightly less than canon-typical violence, please keep yourself safe and skip it if that’s going to trigger you, Pineapple Anon.

Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all [theroyalsavage]: A Kiribaku “10 Things I Hate About You” AU where Todoroki asks Kirishima to fake-date Bakugou so he can date Midoriya. Everything is going smoothly until Kirishima accidentally falls in love *gasp*!!

The Skeletons Inside Of Us [firelord_zutara]: Erasermic, quirkless AU where Mic was the lead singer of Aizawa’s favorite local band in college. Aizawa has a crush on him, they lost touch after college, and they didn’t meet again…until their nephews (Aizawa adopted Midoriya, Shinsou is Mic’s sister’s kid) meet and by extension, the uncles. Background ShinKami and KiriBaku, written for EraserMic week (7 chapters).

Life’s a Drag(on) [PurplePersnickety]: FANTASY AU!!! You know, the Fantasy AU from the third ending. But altered, juuuuuust slightly. Bakugou lives in(? ish) a village and helps a dragon when it’s hurt. A day or so later, a (hot) new guy comes to town named Kirishima, and the dragon keeps coming around. Shenaniganery follows. :DDD

Space Dust [PurplePersnickety]: Do you like Star Wars, Star Trek, Firefly, and/or Men In Black? Then you’re gonna fuckin LOVE this :DDD It’s got half-alien Kirishima, cyborg Bakugou, mention of a larger universe outside of the planet (outside of the oneshot too, lbr). It is a oneshot though, even if it is a long one, with canon/typical violence and mention of kidnapping and child experimentation. Please put your mental health and well-being above everything else and skip it if it’s gonna trigger you!!!

Achromatopsia [PurplePersnickety]: DID SOMEBODY SAY SOULMATE AU???? No? Well hAVE ONE ANYWAY!!! Kiribaku soulmate AU (oneshot), where you only see in one color until you touch your soulmate for the first time. Fun fact, achromatopsia is the complete inability to see any color!! I’m sure that’s not gonna have any bearing on the story whatsoever…

NSFW Complete:

A Cast for your Heart [KTG]: Heads up, this is LONG. 90 chapters, 268k, it’s magic and sex and drAGONS and angst and almost-dying!! The fantasy system is completely original, set in modern times, and the OCs??? Don’t get me STARTED. Kiribaku, Tododeku, and Seromina are the bnha ships present as well as a lot of OCxOC ships. There’s also a sequel set to come out this month (July 2019)!!

Long Time Coming [Madam_Muffins]: I’ve probably recc’ed this before, but I just. I just love this one so much, ok? It’s massive Kiribaku slow burn, outlining what might happen if Bakugou is just a little bit more emotionally constipated. Baku fucks up, gets help, he and Kiri get together (and fuck a little), and there’s elements of the Reincarnation and Fantasy AUs in there towards the end!! Go read it, madammuffins is my amazing tumblr mom and I love her to bits.

SFW Ongoing:

Engraved In Your Mind [Hejter]: FACEBLIND BAKUGOU KATSUKI!!! It’s canon-compliant, except for that little detail, but she writes it so WELL that now I can’t look at canon!Bakugou without thinking that he’s faceblind. Kiri finds out and starts working to build trust with Bakugou and help him on his path to becoming the top hero, and it’s GREAT. Slowburn Kiribaku. Like,,,SLOW.

Define: Oblivious [PurplePersnickety]: I bet you thought I was done with the Purple reccs. I’m never going to be done reccing Purple. Deal with it. I mentioned, in the summary for Love Notes, that there was a six month time skip? This is what happens in those six months. SeroKami and MomoJirou are side ships in this one.

The Right Thing [TuesdayTerrible]: Established Kiribaku where they’re graduated from UA, and living together, and being pro heroes…and then one day Baku finds a little girl who tried to kill herself cuz she was quirkless. Needless to say, this strikes a chord in Bakugou (cuz…yknow, he kinda told Midoriya to kill himself in like episode one and then it was never addressed again). He can’t stop thinking about her, and while we haven’t gotten there YET it looks like it’s gonna end with him and Kirishima adopting her and Bakugou apologizing for the bullshit he put Mido through. There is mention of a suicide attempt (clearly), skip it if that’s gonna trigger you!!!

Hands Off! [PullingAllMighters]: Much like Kiss Me Through The Screen, Hands Off! is a non-canon compliant aged-up AU where not everyone is a full-time hero. Kiri is, Kami and Sero are his sidekicks, Ochako is in a different agency, and everyone else is doing Other Shit. Bakugou hasn’t revealed his full backstory yet, but it looks like he was a Pro Hero until a year or so ago when something bad happened and now he’s got PTSD. His old apartment building burned down so he’s living in Ochako, Momo, Jirou, and Mina’s guesthouse until he finds a job and another place to live. This has a fresh take on the hero system, and I really really enjoy it so far!! There is, however, a fairly detailed scene of Bakugou being triggered so if reading that would trigger you, please don’t!! Keep yourself safe, Pineapple Anon!!! Endgame Kiribaku

Blood of my Hand [PurplePersnickety]: Is it obvious yet that I LOVE purple’s writing??? This, I believe, was the gateway work, and I’ve dived headfirst in and not looked back. Fantasy AU, slowburn Kiribaku, and it’s. I can’t even sum it up. There’s too much. It’s too good. Game of Thrones WISHES it could be what BomH is. There’s mention of slavery and past child abuse, please skip that if it’s going to trigger you!!

A Boy and his Dragon [VanHan]: Oh look, another fantasy AU. Have you figured out that I have a type yet? Kiribaku but the Kiribaku hasn’t really happened yet, cuz Bakugou is a literal child who got kidnapped and is probably gonna get sold. He doesn’t even know Kirishima is Kirishima, he just knows him as the cool dragon in the cage. This one just barely makes the SFW list, because there’s no explicit mention of fucking, but there’s a really really gross pedophile that shows up fairly early on and hasn’t died yet. There’s also graphic depictions of violence in the first chapter, and once you combine those two things I would absolutely understand if you decided to give this one a pass, too.

Everglow [Maplefudge]: ANOTHER fantasy AU?!?! In MY fic recc list?? It’s more likely than you think. This one just started, and it’s got that enemies-to-lovers shit going on. Dragons plus my favorite tropes = FUCK YEAH!!!

Crimson [Crocodillia]: I bet you thought I was done with the fantasy AU reccs, didn’t you? Well, HAVE ANOTHER!!! This one has strong HTTYD vibes, and I’ve literally never seen anyone try that before with these characters!! So far there’s only two chapters, but I am HOOKED and if you like HTTYD…you’re gonna like this, too.

Becoming Human [FoolishFortuna]: Demon!Bakugou becomes Human!Bakugou when he refuses to take a kid’s soul. I think we’re three chapters in and he just got to earth and met Kirishima, as well as a few holy people (Midoriya, Ochako, Iida, and I believe Tetsu). Now he gotta find his daughter and keep her safe. Kiribaku with some fairly graphic descriptions of torture and cannibalism in the second chapter, don’t read it if that’s gonna trigger you!! Also he pretty brutally rips apart the girl’s abusive parents.

Surviving for Second Chances [SilentNorth]: TWEWY Kiribaku AU!!! There’s some differences between the original game and the fic, for pretty obvious reasons (medium, objective, and character differences being a few), but this got me to FINALLY watch a playthrough of the game cuz I’m too broke to go and buy it myself!! Kirishima as Neku and Bakugou as Joshua, plus Mina as Shiki and TodoDeku as Rhyme and Beat. Canon-typical violence, and we just finished up Week 1!!

Love And Other Allergens [thefrailtyofgenius]: A Quirkless AU where Todoroki is a lawyer with a flower shop underneath his apartment. Todo finds out he’s allergic to one of the plants, buys a different bouquet every week instead of, yknow, asking for help like a normal human being (I say, knowing damn well I’d just buy allergy medication and not even try to figure out what I’m allergic TO), and accidentally falls in love with the cute (and absolutely fucking ripped) flower boy (Midoriya lmao). It’s LONG. The TodoDeku is extremely slowburn, and there’s a fuckload of side ships. An incomplete list: Erasermic, Kiribaku, ShinIida (Shinsou and Iida), and MomoJirou. Bonus Endeavor’s Bad Parenting, Midoriya Hisashi’s Bad Parenting, and both of those assholes getting locked up forever :D (I’m so serious about the length tho, it’s like 40 chapters or something).

NSFW Ongoing:

Mixing Signals [Shippeh]: Kiribaku aged-up, but they’ve tried to date multiple times and every time Bakugou fucked it up. Every time they broke up, they pretended like they’d never tried in the first place (which…oW), but this time. THIS time, Bakugou swears he’s gonna make them work.

Heartbeat Thunder [Shippeh]: This is one of the few ABO fics I’ll recc, because it’s not just “ooh heat sex fun times”. This has THOUGHT put into it. They’re confused kids goddamnit, let them be confused!!! Basically Kiri doesn’t ever want to rut so he’s suppressing everything about being an alpha, while Bakugou thinks that trying to hide from your secondary gender is stupid. They do fuck tho, which is why the fic is in NSFW Ongoing.

Take a Chance On Me [FanficIsMyThing]: The other ABO fic I’ll happily recc. Kiri is an alpha which lets him be a hero, while Baku is an omega so he’s gotta be a vigilante until the laws get changed. They run into each other on patrol a few times, Baku helps Kiri and crew out a few times, and every time Kirishima *mysteriously* fails to catch the vigilante Chemical X. They haven’t actually fucked yet, but there’s been enough sexy times to put this squarely in NSFW territory. And it’s not just sex!! I don’t wanna spoil, but it’s good I swear.

Opposed to the Typical [Heronfem]: A model/fashion designer AU featuring HoH!Bakugou, model!Bakugou and designer!Kirishima, as well as a metric shitload of others. Basically Kiri is an intern with Fatgum who gets called to help another studio with their fitting, gets assigned to Bakugou, figures out he’s HoH and handles it like a champ. Because he does it so well, whenever Bakugou needs to get his measurements taken again, they immediately call for Kirishima. And ofc they gonna fall in love :3c But its more complicated than that, and I don’t wanna give too much away, but make sure that you pay attention to any trigger warnings at the start of the chapters!!!

[tuanyiems]

The Space Between Your Fingers 01

Mark Tuan x OC Genre: Fluff; High school AU! Words: 2.5k [Masterlist] [Series Masterlist] a/n: Thank you to everyone who voted! I’ve decided to pick this story back up and post it. Fair warning though, I wrote this a few years ago before Bambam and Yugy glowed up lol So they’re quite cute in this haha...ALSO! I’m following the Korean high school system in this story, which goes from 10th through 12th and begins in the spring ^^  - Ch. 1: The First Meeting Go Ahnmi stood behind Yugyeom, as if she were trying to sink into his shadow. But Yugyeom took hold of her shoulders and pushed her into the circle of guys awaiting her. “Guys, this is my older cousin, Go Ahnmi. She’s transferring to our school tomorrow,” he explained to the other six guys standing before her like towers. They all sent smiles her way, although Ahnmi could only stare at her shoes. She slowly raised her head, not looking at anyone in particular. “H-Hi,” she half-mumbled. “Cute!” one of the guys cooed loudly. He stepped in front of her, bending slightly to meet her eye level. “My name is Jackson! What year are you?” Ahnmi squirmed under the sudden eye contact. She looked away only to meet eyes with another pale-faced, handsome boy, making her even more nervous. She stepped back towards Yugyeom, almost leaning on him. He gave her another nudge. “Um, I’m a 96-er. I’ll be a 2ndyear.” “Hey, you’ll be in my grade then! We might even be classmates. My name is Choi Youngjae!” another guy introduced cheerfully. Ahnmi glanced up to see a boy smiling happily, his brown hair was tousled messily and his eyes were curled into little crescents. Ahnmi mustered up a small smile towards him. “Youngjae-sshi…nice to meet you.” Jackson burst out into a sudden squeal. “She’s so cute!”

She blushed, staring back down at her shoes. The guy beside Jackson chuckled. He had neat, black hair and was dressed just as neatly in his cardigan and button up. He squeezed Jackson’s arms firmly. “Please ignore him, Jackson is…very friendly. I’m Park Jinyoung by the way. Jackson and I are both seniors.” Another guy who had been standing quietly in front of her cleared his throat. “My name is Im Jaebum. I’m a third year also. Please feel free to rely on us.” He bowed slightly causing the flustered Ahnmi to bow 90 degrees. “Sunbae,” she said softly. Jackson clapped his hands in excitement, trying to contain another squeal. “Hi!” the next boy spoke up. “I’m Bambam! I’m a first year like Yugyeom.” Ahnmi raised her head to see a skinny boy smiling shyly towards her. She smiled and gave him a nod. “I’ve seen Bambam before.” He looked surprised, grinning even more now. “Really? How?” “Yugyeom, he texted me a picture,” she explained carefully, trying not to notice the intense stares from all the guys around her. Bambam tilted his head curiously. Hesitantly, Ahnmi raised her arms halfway up and diagonally. She bent her head into the crook of her arm, then looked up to find all the guys laughing loudly. “Dab?” “Dab!” “DAB DAB!” “Bambam is always dabbing!” “Yeah, it’s true, I am,” Bambam admitted easily, laughing in embarrassment with the guys. Ahnmi smiled quietly, raising her head more courageously. “Hey,” the last guy to speak said, trying to settle down the laughing guys. Ahnmi turned slightly, meeting eyes with the handsome guy from before. He smiled as their eyes met. He had a cap on backwards so that his light brown hair peaked out just slightly from underneath. “I’m Mark Tuan.” Ahnmi nodded her head, waiting for more to come but he was already looking away. “Ah,” Ahnmi said, realizing he was done talking. She bowed towards him. “Nice to meet you, Mark.” “Yah! Are you blushing?!” Yugyeom called her out suddenly. Ahnmi turned red in the face at the sudden reproach from her cousin. Jinyoung sighed. “Of course, no one can resist Mark’s handsomeness.” he smiled reassuringly at her. “It’s okay. I’m a guy and still feel butterflies sometimes.” Mark laughed at this response. Jackson walked over and took Ahnmi’s arm, pulling her further away from Mark and towards his and Jinyoung’s side. “Look Ahnmi,” Jackson ushered her to look up at Mark’s face, who was still laughing. “Don’t let that face fool you, he’s actually the oldest out of all of us!” Ahnmi made a small gasp and bowed towards him again. “Sunbae.” The guys broke out into laughter again, Jackson jumping up and down with Jinyoung while screaming “cute” over and over. Ahnmi blushed, staring at her shoes again, not knowing what to do. She turned to her cousin. Yugyeom patted her shoulder. “Don’t worry Ahnmi, these guys are probably the craziest ones in the school. If you can survive them then school is going to be a breeze.” Youngjae walked over to her, nodding. “That’s true, especially Jackson. If you can survive Jackson then all the other guys will be like nothing. Plus, I’ll be there to help you too. We’re buddies now!” Ahnmi smiled at Youngjae’s brightness. She was really glad Yugyeom had such nice friends. She turned to Yugyeom, rubbing his arm apologetically. “Sorry you have to take care of me like this even though I’m supposed to be the older one. In the future, I hope you can rely on me more.” Yugyeom chuckled, “I’m holding you to that Ahnmi. You’re gonna be my black knight!” Youngjae laughed. “Yugyeom, why do you look like a giant next to your black knight?” “Hey,” Yugyeom insisted, “these guys, their teasing is no joke. And besides, Ahnmi is a noona~!” “Urgh,” Youngjae grimaced at his sudden aegyo while Ahnmi chuckled to herself. “Maknae role really doesn’t suit you!” “Exactly, so you guys need to stop treating me like one!” Ahnmi smiled brightly now, amused by their bickering. “By the way, Noona,” Bambam called for her attention now. “That was a very weak dab.” Ahnmi covered her laugh. Yugyeom had been sending her pictures of Bambam every time he had a break in class, but she didn’t realize how adorable he was in real life. She smiled at Bambam. “Will you be my teacher then?” Bambam grinned with excitement. “You’re gonna be a dab-addict like me when I’m done teaching you!” “Hey, hey! Guys she’s talking!” Jackson screamed with excitement, bouncing between Jinyoung, Mark, and Jaebum before finally standing right in front of her and Bambam. “What are you guys doing?” Ahnmi glanced up at this bright, puppy-like boy, amused but slightly afraid of his sudden outbursts. The other boys leaned in closer, curiously. “I’m gonna teach her how to dab properly!” Bambam announced proudly. All the other guys groaned. “Don’t listen to him, Ahnmi,” Jinyoung insisted. “We can only handle one dab-addict.” Mark chuckled quietly to himself. “Can you imagine a dabbing Ahnmi?” Ahnmi blushed in embarrassment. Jackson and Jinyoung began joke-dabbing, causing Bambam to join them excitedly. Ahnmi couldn’t hold it in anymore. She began laughing openly, echoing the laughter that was all around her. Yugyeom gave her a pat on the back. “You’re gonna fit right in, Ahnmi ah.” - Mark stood in front of the house gate awkwardly. “Stupid Yugyeom,” he mumbled under his breath, kicking at a rock that was on the ground. The gate opened suddenly, a small Ahnmi rushing out in a beige sweater that looked too big for her and a navy pleated skirt. Her long wavy hair was tousled, looking like she barely had time to even smooth it out with her fingers. “I’m sorry, Sunbae!” she immediately bowed continuously his way. He tried to contain his laughter. “You can just call me Mark. I don’t care for honorifics.” He grabbed hold of her school bag and started walking. Ahnmi blushed. “M…Mark?” He looked at her to go on. She went back to staring at her shoes. “I’m sorry.” He sighed as she apologized again. See? Why would Yugyeom leave this poor girl on her first day of school? It’s not like he couldn’t just miss a morning of dance practice. She was family, after all. “I’m sorry,” Ahnmi repeated. “I should’ve checked the directions to school beforehand.” “Hey,” Mark said, bending slightly to meet her eye level. “No worries, okay? I live right across the street so it’s fine.” Ahnmi smiled shyly. “I-I can hold my own bag.” Mark tossed the bag over his shoulder so she couldn’t grab it from him. “I was once a newbie to this place too. It’s okay to receive help, you know.” Ahnmi nodded her head obediently, trying her best to keep up with Mark’s pace. “Remember to look up,” Mark added. “If you want to remember your way to school.” “Ah!” Ahnmi raised her head up in alarm, realizing that they had already walked for a while and she hadn’t been paying attention at all. She bit her finger with worry. How was she going to walk back home from school? Seeing the sudden concern on her face, he couldn’t help smiling. Jackson was right, this girl was extremely adorable. Even the way she was walking, looking like she was half-racing with him, was amusing. He debated to himself whether to slow down his pace or keep watching her struggle. He eventually walked slower for her. How was this shy little girl going to survive a practically all boy’s school? Her clumsy charm was definitely going to catch the eyes of all the guys. He wondered if she could handle all that attention. She could barely stand the attention from seven guys. He hoped the few girls that were at the school would take care of her. It didn’t help that she was so shy. She didn’t seem like a city girl at all. “Directions are more straightforward here than in the city,” he spoke up. She looked surprised at his sudden speaking but nodded her head. “It’s quieter,” she responded, almost in a whisper. She went back to staring pensively at her shoes only to jerk her head suddenly again so she could see where they were walking. He almost broke out into laughter after seeing that. The second-year boys were in for a surprise. He wondered if there were even any second-year girls. The school had only become a co-ed school this year so the handful of girls that did enroll were first-years. Wow, if Ahnmi is the only girl in her grade…Mark couldn’t even begin to imagine how wild the boys would be around her. “Are you,” Ahnmi suddenly began, “Are you in any afterschool clubs?” “No,” he replied. He paused, then added, “so don’t worry about getting back home. You’re probably going to have seven guys escorting you back today.” She smiled shyly, playing with the edges of her sleeves that went past her hands. She looked up at him cautiously again. She gestured for her bag. “I-I can hold…” But he held the bag at a distance from her still. “Second-year boys are really,” his voice trailed off. Ahnmi tilted her head curiously. He patted her head with a sigh, fixing the hairs that were sticking out. “Just…prepare yourself before we head in.” Ahnmi nodded her head, even more worried now. If only Yugyeom was her age, they could’ve been in the same class. She wished she was a first year student instead. “We’re here,” Mark spoke up, handing her, her bag finally. “What’s your classroom number?” “2B.” Mark smiled, feeling a little more at ease.  “2B is a fun class.” Ahnmi smiled to herself as they walked up the stairs to the second floor. Rather than a fun class, she would just be happy to have a class that liked her, or at the very least, didn’t hate her. She bowed again to Mark when they were at the entrance to 2B. “Thank you, M-ark…sunbae.” He smiled again, amused at her inability to choose what to call him. He nodded for her to go inside. “Good luck,” he whispered kindly before she entered the classroom. Mark laughed while walking to his own class as 2B exploded into a succession of shouts and laughter. She was going to need a lot of luck. - Ahnmi took a sharp inhale when she was greeted by all the boys with shouts of surprise and excitement. “Daebak!” “Yah, 2B just won the lottery!” “WE WON! WE WON!” “AHHH! She’s cute too!” “HEY! What’s your name?!” Ahnmi bit her finger nervously, looking to the teacher for help. The tired looking teacher tried to hush the boys, only to look at Ahnmi apologetically. “Don’t mind the boys,” he said. “They’re just happy to be having a new classmate. Would you like to introduce yourself?” Ahnmi nodded her head shyly before walking up to the blackboard. When she grabbed the chalk, the whole class went quiet. Her back felt tense from all the eyes she knew were on her. She carefully wrote her name. “Wow, even her handwriting is cute,” someone whispered. She wondered to herself if she could just stay with her back to them forever. “My buddy~” a familiar voice called out. Ahnmi turned quickly to see a smiling Youngjae. She returned the smile, relieved to see a face that she recognized. “Yah!” “Who do you think you are, Youngjae?” “Why do you get to be her buddy?” The class broke into another fit of shouts and laughter before the teacher clapped for their attention again. He turned to Ahnmi to continue her introduction. “H-hi,” she began. The guys Ooo-ed and Ahh-ed after hearing her voice for the first time. “My name is Go Ahnmi. I recently moved here from Seoul.” “Oooh! A city girl!” Ahnmi blushed shyly, but willed herself to look up. She locked eyes with Youngjae who nodded his head encouragingly. “Umm, I’m new to this school and this town, so please bear with me. In the future…” she paused before breaking out into a smile, still looking only at Youngjae. “I hope we can all be buddies.” The class began hollering in excitement. “I’m Mr. Kim,” the teacher said to her. “Welcome to the class Ahnmi. Since it seems you know Youngjae, you can sit in the back desk next to him.” The rest of the class groaned with jealousy as Youngjae laughed. “Cute outfit,” Youngjae greeted her as she sat down. Ahnmi smiled at him. “It’s Yugyeom’s sweater.” He laughed, throwing his whole head back. “Looks like it too!” She fingered her sleeves timidly, looking down at her oversized sweater. “I wanted to match with the school uniform.” “Oh, that’s right, the girls don’t have a uniform yet. They might not make a second-year uniform,” Youngjae spoke aloud thoughtfully. “I think you might be the only second-year girl.” Ahnmi looked up at him nervously. She didn’t know if she could handle sticking out so much. “Should I wear a guy’s uniform then?” Youngjae burst out laughing. “I don’t think they come in your size, Ahnmi.” The boys around them turned their heads, looking enviously at the easygoing Youngjae. “Stop flirting, Youngjae!” the boy in front of Ahnmi turned to them and scowled.

Youngjae stood up suddenly. “It’s not flirting! I’m making her comfortable because that’s what friends do!” Ahnmi looked at Youngjae with awe. She wished she could speak so freely like him. She looked at the desk mate in front of her. He was a pretty skinny guy wearing thick, round glasses and had straight brown hair that swept at the side of his face. She courageously made eye contact with him. “I-I like your glasses,” Ahnmi commented quietly. The guy turned quickly back around, his ears turning red. The boys laughed happily. Youngjae looked at Ahnmi cheerfully. “The class atmosphere has become a lot better now that you’re here.” Ahnmi exhaled deeply, glad that things were going well so far. -

Let me now what you think ^^ Thanks for reading! [Masterlist] [Series Masterlist]

[the-empress-of-nothing]

The full story

(Heya all! This is litteraly the full story of Maeddrona up till the point im rping her, I just kinda took this moment to word vomit everything I made for this character, she’s been developing in my mind for about six months, So, yeah. OOC super Long post under the break!)

Maeddrona is a literal incarnation of the void, previously I mentioned it being old, but the void is old and a God actually looked around as the universe got more and more busy and full- It just kinda.. stopped. Once humans became a thing it looked at mortal life and envied humans for achieving so much with so little time, it looked at the smaller picture of happiness humans could carve for themselves amidst a bloody history. So it just kinda, gave up it’s greater power and sentience, it’s essence possessing humans every once in a while.

These humans would usually barely live passed the age of 15, their lives being ended by some odd coincidence one way or another. It seemed as if dark reality had no place for hope and optimism. There was one that lived to be older, in about the 2nd Millennium *cough*  but she was murdered but someone very close to her.

Now, Maeddrona was growing up on her planet of Fortuna a little bit before Emps has started his rise on Terra. She reaches about age 35 and is the first Void-Born to awaken to her powers.

The entire planet is wiped clean of animal life and the planet itself is shrouded in an odd bubble-ish thing of space so warped you can look at it and see the stars behind you. This is only an illusion, and a result of the explosive amount of power awakening her, but she is left alone on this planet and with the isolation of the Age of Strife, no-one’s gonna show up. (if someone did show up, it would look almost like a black hole might be there, and they’d turn right the fuck around, because whatever that is, we’re not fucking with it)

So Maeddrona, now awakened to her void powers, realizes she... can make things happen by thinking about them on the Planet. Nothing big or overly huge- but time seems to have stood still since she gained her powers, but if she focuses on a plant growing and producing fruit, that’s what that one plant will do until she stops thinking about it. So she can at least survive- just, things are... wrong here. She also begins to have dreams, memories of each past life. Not movie-style, i mean boring, day by day, feels like real time dreams until she wakes up. It it does feel like she is this person, not like she’s watching from outside. She doesn't quite understand what these dreams mean. but she begins to write them all down in a journal.

Though, with Maeddrona being void, have discovering she can utilize a pocket dimension of just empty space, and that putting anything besides herself in there will slowly desolve it. A being with power like this and also who just caused an entire planets worth of population to die would be very interesting to atleast one God i can think of...

So Tzeentch enters her head, uninvited, occasionally, and tries to find out what the fresh funky fuck is happening in THIS corner of the galaxy! Maeddrona is convinced she’s going crazy and the eldritched fuck is all for it. Eventually Maeddrona says something like “prove to me you’re a god of knowledge and not my mind going mad, give me the knowledge I need to escape this fucking planet.” So she stands there, waiting for her mind to suddenly ascend with understanding and learning.

Then a book drops to the ground next to her.

Then another.

Then it starts RAINING BOOKS and she just runs to hide in a building, Fully believing a god was in her head now.

So, now, she starts reading and begins making a ship. It takes her the better part of  50 years (when she awoke to the void her body stopped aging, but more as a “she is nothing, neither alive nor dead” kinda thing) with non-stop work and learning and failures and dedication to get SOMETHING functional. (Thankfully she has an entire worlds worth of resources all to herself) Then she starts fucking with how to FTL travel- because she doesn't have a warp drive. She couldn’t actually make one- so she fucks around with the void, and finds she can travel trough the void while going through the warp as a bit of a substitute. (Its similar to how the Tau FTL travel) So she ends up getting to another planet! But she enters in so close to the planet that she kinda crashes. not far from her crash she finds a few dying people- she (correctly) assumes this might be her fault and tries to fix it, attempting to do something with her powers to save them. She saved one. She makes the first Void-Touched. The void changes her hair, and it tells her a name that she likes far better than her own, and is so grateful to Maeddrona that she wants to follow her when she leaves. Maeddrona isnt alone anymore

(at this point I should mention I take a lot of things from Warframe- specifically names, weapons, frames and abilities. I just love it so much!! but that’s all I really take.)

So for the next long while Maeddrona flies about space, making another deal with Tzeentch to get dreams from people dying that are compatible with the void (she doesn’t question how he knows who is and who isnt, he’s a God *shrugs*) and gets about 30 people in her little family. Occasionally they run back to her Fortuna because it’s their planet now and no-one else knows its there. (Yes, i have all of these as OCs, i know all their plots and stories;;;;)

Then one dream leads her to Terra, where a small boy is dying. Foolishly, she goes. She has much better control over her powers now, masking the ship with the same warped gravity look to try and mask their presence as they go to the biggest hornet nest in the galaxy.

And she is not surprised when the warmongering ruler of the planet does interrupt her in the middle of saving a child. He questions her, and she answers honestly. But her soul just feels... wrong. off. like it’s not there, but obviously something is!

She smiles, and offers her greetings. She does not prostrate herself before him, does not whisper rumors and legends and feats of his beings.

She smiles and patiently waits for him to respond. through their conversations an interest grows. Both are old souls and both hold immeasurable power.

And both consider themselves human.

When she says she is void, he asks if she is Chaos, ready to destroy her if needed. She gags. As by now she knows the intentions of the voice in her head, He and the 3 others have stolen a few of her Void-touched. “I am no God.” would come her reply, Honest.

He would then decide, though not entirely honest, she is no threat, And that these powers she speaks of are interesting, He asks if she would mind being studied,

of course she says yes

the fool she is

Eventually a relationship does form, and while their views are fairly different on many topics (read: most if not all) they balance each other out when they are willing to listen to one another, as both are incredibly hard headed and stubborn. He lets her in on the Primarch project, wanting her insight on raising children as she has been motherly to most if not all her Void-touched.

And he even offers they should make a child from her genetics, to raise along with the Primarchs. She will be human- or Void-born as Maeddrona would call her. But she loves the idea.

Then, tensions rise a bit. the primarchs are still being developed, but Emps wishes to increase the reach of his Imperium a bit as well. there is a system he wishes to acquire- and Maeddrona offers her and her children to do so instead, they can get there faster and her children are very effective with their abilities and such. But he refuses.

This is not the first time this has happened, she thinks he is afraid of the Void, afraid that it is too similar to chaos to be fully trusted on battle. And then, Tzeentch speaks to her once more, agreeing with her, She’s right! Of course she’s right! She should just get there first and do it before he arrives anyway. Show him he’s wrong, give him undeniable proof.

So she does. And... the conversation she has with the Emperor is less than pleasant, It is long distance, but he has been aware of Tzeentch talking to her for some time, he was growing worried that she wouldn’t shoo him away and would sometimes humor his asinine conversations. But now

Now she’s starting to listen to Tzeentch.

He tells her they will have a talk when he arrives, and plans to give an ultimatum as she is so close to falling and she doesn’t even know it. While waiting for Emps to arrive Maeddrona makes a discovery that she is pregnant, this being incredibly exciting news as she believed the void made her infertile.

When Emps finally arrives and she is sent for, and he feels something is wrong. When he sees the presence of two souls, though masked and hard to make out from the void, his mind is not on pregnancy, it is on her fall. He assumes she has allowed Tzeentch to at least semi-possess her and makes a decision, he grimly faces her smiling self and names her an enemy of the Imperium.

At first she is stunned into immobility- but then he begins approaching her, and she flees. She uses the void to go back to her ship and tells all her family that the Emperor is going to kill all of them- So she uses her power and uses escape pods to put them all in Void-stasis (it’s like a Schrodinger's box really, while it’s closed, whatever’s inside of it does and does not exist at the same time until someone opens it and everything exists again. So, they arent even sleeping, just not existing.) and sends them out, one by one, because she doesn’t understand and thinks he’s here to slaughter them because of the void.

She then send out two pieces of equipment, a head accessory known as the “Halo of the void”, and her giant two handed long sword, the “Blade of void.” She then separates her soul into three pieces among herself and these things, using her emotions  as separation points.  Her confusion and shock go into the Halo, her anger and feelings of betrayal go into her sword, leaving her with her fear. Her incomparable fear. She sends these two pieces out into their own pods

And the Emperor boards her ship. It is quiet, eerie as he walks. It is not a warship. This is their home. This is where they lived, had comforts and hobbies. The walls are lined with pictures and drawings, many areas are made to be comfortable lounging areas, doors are stuck open from the commotion, leading windows into shared rooms of her children.

This was their home. And he must walk through it to get to where Maeddrona is hiding. And when he does she is a mess, curled up on the ground and sobbing uncontrollably. It’s too late for words as she approaches her, but he stops. He cares for her enough to want a near painless death for her- but curled up like this she has made it impossible, so he contemplates how to go about this,

His pause gives her hope, and she uncurls for a moment, bleary eyes looking up at him,

And she says his name. She says his name. She knows his name yes of course she knows his name. Spoken with hushed voice only to him in their moments of privacy and passion.

Now said breathlessly

As his sword is already plunged through her.

As this happens, Limbo, the first Void-touched Maeddrona ever made, enters, trying to save Maeddrona and escape together. And she screams. Rushing to her mother’s side, crying, bawling, and screaming at the Emperor.

He leaves, he does not need to kill her child- then she screams about what Maeddrona was going to tell Him.

About her pregnancy.

And he does stop in his tracks at that, the truth of the second soul’s presence now dawning on him. But he only stops for a moment before continuing back, through the halls of a ruined home, with his mistake and his mistake alone.

He then returns to Terra to find the Primarchs scattered.

And that’s where this story turns, The Emperor basically dies with the Heresy, his soul shattered. Then one small part, one tiny bit, that loved Maeddrona, that never stopped loving Maeddrona, finds her small soul in the warp. As the void is like permanent marker- you can never really get it off once it’s on something. So he finds her, attaches his soul to hers and uses what of his power he can to give her a stable body in the warp.

And that is the Maeddrona I have as my muse :)

[itsjesperfahey]

okay so now that i’ve wrapped my head around there being a six of crows/shadow and bone trilogy netflix tv show, i wanted to share some of my thoughts on it:

as y’all can see from my two previous posts on the subject im HELLA excited. bottom line, i cannot WAIT for this. i trust Leigh will force netflix to give this adaptation at least some of the quality it deserves. but imma just say a few things rn:

- my main issue is how theyre gonna handle the plot of the show. in terms of like, timeline, what story they’ll follow, how things will pan out.  like is this an ENTIRELY NEW STORY that takes place after crooked kingdom that’ll allow all characters from the grishaverse to co-exist? will it be the books in chronological order, switching povs of characters from both stories? thats a bit much no? or following tgt, and then switch to soc in season 4?  im assuning the first season (8 episodes) is purely for shadow and bone, as thats what its been titled so far (according to the article leigh tweeted), but i could be wrong

- what i DONT think is that theyre trying to cram tgt + soc duology into the 8 episodes, which is what i see people saying on here constantly. THEY ARENT TRYING TO CRAM ALL 5 BOOOKS IN 8 EPISODES. netflix series often have multiple seasons. im sure this wont be different. they would be insane to even attempt that.

- pls cast people accordingly (though im not super worried about this, knowing how much leigh is on our side with this matter)

- a lot of you say you didnt like tgt and that since the show is (presumably) starting off with following this series, its going to be a bad show, and get cancelled. but like. lol. first off. just cause you didnt like it doesnt mean other people wont. just cause you didnt like it doesnt necessarily mean its an objectively bad thing. and second. you vastly underestimate how the general public often LOVES any type of magical story with love triangle and pasty white boys. its MUCH easier to get someone into a tv show than a book. its a lot less commitment. you can leave a tv show on while youre chatting or cooking or something. you can’t do that with a book. it would have to be a really REALLY awful show to not pull a good enough portion of the unassuning general public (and again, i trust leigh won’t let it be that bad or at least i hope lol)

- im scared about kaz and how they’ll properly portray his trauma and personality and views on inej WITHOUT some sort of internal monolgue system (i.e his inner voice). its such a big part of kaz to be abe to hear his thoughts, i hope they find a way to do it

- i hope they don’t change kaz and inej’s relationship (i.e make them kiss or something lol)

- wylan and kuwei in ck??? will kuwei’s actor just play both roles the entire time wylan looks like kuwei? will it be cgi? idk

- i dont want to see live action matthias *** uGH

- i hope the magic doesnt look too too crummy

- @lips-and-literature brought up a good point on how SO much happens in crooked kingdom as opposed to soc, to s&b. the inej rescue, the grisha hunters, dunyasha, nina relearning her powers, the arc with colm fahey, the gangs, wylans mom, and so much more. whereas in soc it was just “we need to break into the ice court” and then they do it, and the book ends with “we broke into the ice court”. hopefully by the time soc’s season comes around, the episode count will be the usual 12-22 instead of 8. but that also depends on the episode length

- please let this be good i love my murder babies and alina starkov and i dont want them ruined. im hoping for the best dont let me down leigh

thats kinda it for now but i’ll maybe add more later. sorry for any !typos, my computer lags a lot on tumblr and the text shows up a minute after im done typing it. send me any asks if u want me to elaborate/say some more 

[the-ronan-cycle]

Diverse Book Recs

I recently typed up a list of books for a friend who said she’d stopped reading because she couldn’t find diverse/queer books. This list is predominately focused on queer diversity but there’s also lot’s of super awesome ladies and poc here too. The list is also in two parts, the first are all books that I’ve read myself and include me trying to give a summary, content warnings (If I can remember, I can’t guarantee they’re all exhaustive.) and a rating. The second part has books on my to read list that, to my knowledge, have queer characters. All of the titles are linked to their goodreads page.

I Was Born For This - Alice Oseman

A Hijabi ace fangirl goes to London on a week long trip to meet her internet friend and go to the concert of her favourite band. Jimmy, the trans, gay, mixed race, mentally ill singer for said band is figuring out how growing up famous has changed himself and his friends. They cross paths and stuff happens. A really interesting look into fan culture, both the good and the bad. Really fun characters and relationships. Written by the same person who does the Heartbreaker webcomic. CW: alcoholic behavior, brief mention of unintentional trans outing 4.5/5

The Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater

Welsh mythology meets small town Virginia. Gorgeous, poetic writing by Stiefvater tells the surreal story of a group of teenagers on the search for a lost welsh king and wish foretold if one wakes him. Along the way they discover the power of ley lines, dreams, and ~friendship~. One of the main characters (my favourite character) is canon queer (he’s into a girl and guy but like, the word bi isn’t explicitly said) and one of the other main characters is canon gay. It’s a difficult story to describe but it’s such a fascinating read. CW: child abuse, alcohol and drug abuse, there’s a scene in the second book that I think the author confirmed was sexual assault 5/5

Shades of Magic Series - V.E. Schwab

Avatar the last airbender meets pirates and royalty and multiverses. In this world there are 4 earths that intersect at London. Kell is one of the only two people who can travel between Londons. Grey London is our world, Red London is Kell’s, full of magic. White London is a wasteland barren of magic and ruled by bloodthirsty twins. Black London is dead. The main cast of Kell, Lila Bard, a pirate thief who gets caught up in the adventure, Rhy, the (gay? Bi? I forget lol) prince of Red London, and Alucard, (also gay? Or bi?) actual pirate have to save the multiverse! Lots of great subplots, written by a queer woman and impossible to put down. If you saw me with my kindle in class after winter last year, it was because I literally couldn’t stop reading. CW: frankly it’s been too long since I read it im sorry 5/5

Leah on the Offbeat/Simon vs the Homosapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli

Simon Vs is the book Love Simon is based on. Simon (gay) has a mystery pen pal, Blue. All he knows is that Blue also goes to Creekwood High and is gay. But Simon leaves the emails open on a school computer because he’s a dumbass and then also an ass but the bad kind, Martin finds them and blackmails Simon. It’s similar to the movie but I prefer the book! There are some scenes and plot points that didn’t make it in. Also his friends don’t suck as much when he’s outed. Leah on the OffBeat is the sequel about Simon’s friend, Leah. She’s bi! Simon thought all his friends were straight but jkjkjk gays flock together. Cute wlw high school story. CW: character is outed against their will, underage drinking  SVTHA 5/5 LOTO 4/5

The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue - Mackenzi Lee

Main character is a total slut and we support him. Bi and ready to party. But wait it’s the 1800s and that’s not super chill. In a final hurrah before he has to become master of his family estate, Henry Montague takes his best friend (gay and also ready to party) and, reluctantly, his little sister  (ace and ready to be a doctor) on a tour of the continent. Along the way they discover a plot and their trip turns upside down. There’s pirates! Period accurate medicine! Characters unlearning their prejudices! CW: Child abuse, period typical homophobia, sexism and racism 4/5

Captive Prince Trilogy - C.S. Pacat

hEAR ME OUT. This is probably my favourite series I’ve ever read. You’ve heard of enemies to lovers? Get ready for enemies to friends to lovers to enemies to allies to lovers! Crown Prince Damianos of Akielos is caught up in a coup lead by his half brother and sent to the enemy nation of Vere to be a pleasure slave for their crown prince, Laurent. Now here you think it’s gonna be some kinky sex romp but it actually becomes the best political intrigue with a thoughtful, loving, very vanilla romance. “If you gave me your heart, I would treat it tenderly”. Dw they only have sex after the whole slave thing is over. Also, they abolish slavery so there’s that. If you don’t like the first book,  I get it but just try the second book, the tone changes with the change of setting. The author does some really interesting stuff with her setting. Typically writers will just make society reflect our by default but Pacat threw that out, homophobia? Never heard of her. In Vere it’s actually taboo for men and women to have sex before marriage because of the threat of bastards. So everyone just is gay instead. You want a matriarchal warrior women country? Pacat has got your back. The series does lack in well written women. There are a few women but not enough, Pacat has talked about this and is basically like, u right, I’ll do better in my next series. Written by a queer WOC (kinda? Woc is the wrong word but just read these tweets where she describe it better than i ever could)  and I love it, the end. CW: child abuse, child sexual abuse, incest, rape, sex slavery, prostitution, graphic violence, non consensual drug consumption, child death, suicide, torture, animal death (also it should be obvious but none of these things are glorified, the abuser is the worst and he sucks and everyone hates him) 6/5

Carry On - Rainbow Rowell

Based on the Harry Potter parody series from Rowell’s book Fangirl. Simon Snow (doesn’t ever figure out his sexuality but had a girlfriend and boyfriend) is the chosen one, orphaned and brought to a magical boarding school, must save magical britain from evil. His best friend, book smart Penelope and his (possibly evil and a vampire? Also gay) roommate Baz must work together to defeat the humbug. This book has a really fantastic closed magic system and gives the character very clear limits. CW: rat death? 5/5

Queer There and Everywhere - Sarah Prager

A nonfiction book about 23 people throughout history that were both queer and very cool. From Frida Kahlo and Abraham Lincoln to the actual Danish Girl and Kristina Vasa, Prager dives into the lives of many historical figures who were also queer. A really wide gamut of women, men and nb, cis and trans, white and poc. Could have had more historical figures from the east. A fun, easy read. Made me cry, i want lesbian moms. 4/5

Huntress - Malinda Lo

It’s been a few years since I read this so bear with me. Cool magic girl main character and less magic but also cool other girl as well as a misfit group including the prince and a badass lady named shae (hell yeah) have to go into the fae world to right the magical imbalance of their world. Wlw, written by a queer woc CW: I don’t remember sorry 4/5

Outrun the Wind - Elizabeth Tammi

(I’m actually only half way through this) (Also it’s written by a mutual of mine on tumblr so that’s tight) A queer retelling of the greek myth of Atalanta. Atalanta (bi) is taken by the hunters of Artemis and has to help them defeat Apollo who’s being shitty. Wlw, written by a bi lady CW: animal death

Iron Breakers trilogy - Zaya Feli

Bastard Prince (queer), Ren, is happy to be out of the line of succession and just party it up but suddenly is framed for the murder of his brother and on the run along with a prisoner who escaped with him. Ren is faced with realities of y’know, not being a prince and decides to help save his country. Political intrigue with some twists I didn’t guess. MLM CW: slavery, graphic violence 4.5/5

All for the Game trilogy - Nora Sakavic

Think dark, queer, sports anime but with a co-ed team. Neil Josten (demi sexual- “which way do you swing? “I don’t?”) is on the run from his mob boss, murderer father and finds himself on the collegiate exy team of the palmetto foxes. Exy, a violent cross between lacrosse and soccer is Neil’s favourite thing but the team is made up of misfits. Neil has to survive both his father and the Raven’s (another exy team) owner, another mob boss, coming for him and his team. Super fast paced, very intense, after the first book I couldn’t put it down. The characters are all super interesting as are the relationships. Multiple mlm relationships, one briefly mentioned wlw couple CW: (o boy here we go) suicide, graphic violence, graphic torture, non consensual drug consumption, alcohol and drug abuse, prescription drug abuse, non consensual kissing, rape, child sexual abuse, sex work, mention of gay conversion therapy, discussion of self harm and self harm scars, child abuse 4.5/5

The Posterchildren - Kitty Burroughs

It’s been years since I read this so I really don’t remember much. It’s about a school for superheroes. Definitely wlw I don’t remember any else 4/5

Six of Crows Duology - Leigh Bardugo

A misfit group of criminals is hired to travel north to break into an impregnable prison. The cast of characters is lovable and the plot is fast paced. It’s set in the same universe as Bardugo’s first series but you don’t need to read them. (I did and they were ok but six of crows is better). Two of the main characters are mlm. CW: gore, graphic violence, child abuse 4.5/5

The Percy Jackson Series and Magnus Chase Series

I don’t need to describe these lol. PJO has two canon gay characters, the most recent series has lesbian and ace huntresses of artemis, and a bi main character. Magnus Chase has a non binary main character starting in the second book.

On My To-Read List:

Orlando - Virginia Woolf

I love her writing, it’s poetic without hurting my brain to read. This is a classic queer novel. It’s been said that Woolf wrote it as a “love letter” to Vita, her lover. The main character changes gender throughout the novel.

Stars in Her Eyes - Clare C. Marshall

I bought a copy of the first book in this series from the author at a convention last summer. It’s about a school for people with powers. I asked and apparently there’s a queer character but you don’t find out til the second book.

Ash - Malinda Lo

A wlw retelling of cinderella by the same author as Huntress.

The Academy Journals - Garrett Robinson

Apparently there’s trans, lesbian, gay, poly, ace, bi, pan! It’s about a magical school. It has really good reviews on goodreads so that’s promising

The Abyss Surrounds Us - Emily Skrutskie

There’s gay lady space pirates. Actually maybe not space? Idk i got space vibes

Vicious/Vengeful - V.E. Schwab

A story about moral greyness and supervillains. Kinda reminds me of Nimona tbh. I heard the main character is ace?

Our Bloody Pearl - D.N. Brynn

There’s mermaids, and pirates, and it’s gay apparently. The main character uses they them pronouns I think.

Breaking Legacies - Zoe Reed

Fantasy wlw by a trans dude (i think? They went through some sort of gender transition but i can’t find their pronouns)

The Dark Wife - S.E. Diemer

A wlw retelling of Hades and Persephone

The High Court Series - Megan Derr

Fantasy political intrigue mlm and I was told the main character is trans

Btw my rating system was basically:

4/5=i enjoyed reading it and would recommend it but probably wouldn’t read it again

4.5/5=I really liked it and would probably reread it

5/5= i love it, i either have or plan to reread it