#paranoiddelusion

[provokingdrama]

They're coming to take me away!" c.2006-ish. Not a very good painting, but I was trying to capture the memory of a situation from 1998. I've mentioned in other paintings that in the summer of '98 my psychiatrist forgot to get me refills for my meds before going on a 2 week vacation. While my family and therapist were trying to get a hold of him, I fell back into psychosis. In this painting it was evening, and there were cops driving up and down our little street. I thought they were coming for ME. For no reason. But I got off the couch. The lights were already off but the TV was on and I thought they'd see me. I hid in the dark behind the couch and soon my parents came home (I'd been home alone). They told me the cops were gone after I said why I was hiding. In the painting I'm in the lower center area. That's what my living room looked like at the time, lit by the TV. Couldn't go back to college in the fall because of this. That's the 2nd time I'd had to drop out. All because of one doctor. #art #psychosis #darkart #literallydark #acrylicpainting #rushed #notverygood #butitgetsthepointacross #psychosisawareness #schizophreniaawareness #actuallyschizophrenic #schizophrenic #nomeds #baddoctors #paranoia #paranoid #delusion #paranoiddelusion #delusional #cops (ACAB, btw) #theyrecomingtotakemeaway #ohno #acrylic #painting https://www.instagram.com/p/CgnE84PP8z2/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[danika-alice]

Today I went to the doctors and I have been referred back to psychiatry. As most of you know I am in private therapy, my therapist can’t prescribe medication so I have to go through my doctors. I had a review for my sertraline and I explained that they help my mood but they don’t help with the psychotic symptoms I experience due to my bpd, I had to explain these symptoms to the doctor (something I have always really struggled with) How do you explain seeing yourself as though you are floating outside of yourself? How do you explain people passing by when there’s no one really there? How do you explain that you think the government have planted a chip in your brain and have full control of your thoughts? I felt incredibly uneasy but thankfully the doctor was really nice, I did my best but I wish I didn’t feel embarrassed when I talk about these things. I wish I could talk freely and openly about it all. I don’t often talk about these symptoms but I think it’s about time I made use of this platform and open a conversation regarding dissociation, paranoia and hallucinations. I’ve addressed paranoia and dissociation a little bit but not as in depth as I know I could. For those of you who have recently followed me, I welcome you. My name is Danika Alice I live with borderline personality disorder, psychogenic seizures, anxiety, chronic pain and fatigue (under investigation) depression and complex ptsd. I blog about my personal experience and my personal point of view. I hope my posts help you💜 I’m not feeling great at the moment, I’ve been quite distant but I will be posting more soon on these topics 💜🌙 #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #borderline #bpd #bpdawareness #paranoia #paranoid #paranoiddelusions #dissociation #depersonalization #hallucinations #psychoticepisode #sertraline #mentalhealth #mentalhealthadvocate #mentalhealthawareness #depression #cptsd #anxiety #chronicpain #fatigue #mentalhealthwarrior #psychiatry #therapy #psychotherapy