#peak masculinity to teenage me

[kissmefriendly]

Have you ever seen anything as atrocious as a young trans masc’s wardrobe?

[witchofimber]

I have had four pints and I'm going to indulge in my "who fucked/wanted to fuck Sirius" headcanons ok:

James and Sirius were like the male equivalent of that deeply toxic semi-lesbian friendship you had at school. As teenagers they were like psychosexually obsessed with each other in a way that never translated into actual hooking up but as soon as they graduated their feelings instantly morphed into "of course not, he's like a brother to me!" with almost no memory of what came before. Occasionally while extremely plastered one of them will reference a fantasy they had about the other while young and then they won't make eye contact for 48 hours. Then the friendship-necessary amnesia will set in again.

I don't think Lily was ever actively interested in Sirius but, like - look, when I was a lass there was this one boy in class who me and my friends used to track our periods by. 24 out of 30 days we would find him disgusting but there were the 6 days where we'd be like "You know, his combination of terrible personality flaws and unearned confidence is actually incredibly sexy" and that's when we knew we were due soon. That's what Sirius is to Lily.

Remus went from 'look, everyone finds their friends a little bit hot' to 'ok, I do find Sirius slightly hotter than James, but that's only because Sirius flirts more' to 'I am deliberately and consciously thinking of people other than Sirius when I jerk off because this CANNOT become a thing' to 'just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I feel anything' to 'NO. NO. I REFUSE TO BE IN LOVE WITH SIRIUS. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.' (James charted the stages on a calendar)

Mary and Sirius cheerfully slept together half a dozen times. When questioned about it they were just like "Yeah?? We're bros!! What about it!!"

Dorcas and Sirius slept together a few times in the name of Hot and Mean Solidarity, but then there was a pregnancy scare. Sirius broke down crying in the middle of Wizescos (Wizard Tescos) while Dorcas bought a test. They have silently agreed to never mention this episode again.

Marlene made out with Sirius once and then broke down crying and admitted she was a lesbian. Sirius claims this proves that he is the absolute peak of masculinity; once conquered, never bettered. James claims that this proves he is the nadir of men and enough to put women off for life. Everyone else claims they are idiots about this.

Sirius once slept with Pandora, guiltily confessed this to Xeno, slept with Xeno to make up for it and then discovered they were poly the next morning. He spent a solid week in discussions with them about forming a polycule before Remus reminded him he didn't actually want to do that.

I refuse to believe that Peter has ever fucked or wanted to fuck. I will not entertain the notion.

[herdarkestnightelegance]

Four Five Fictional Crushes💕

Ohhh this will be fun! Tagged by @nyx-knox - thank you ;) Listed from oldest to newest:

1) Prince Eric

I mean come on! The blue eyes, black hair, the open white shirt?

2) Jessica Rabbit

Not my young bisexual ass wondering why I am obsessed with this show-stopper of a lady? 👀

3) Lestat

Special Mention:I can not *not* mention the Brat Prince himself! I was obsessed with the Vampire Chronicles as a teenager, and Lestat in particular!

4) Aragorn

I will answer to the King of Gondor any day! I must confess, my sexual awakening was Legolas (the white hair / point ear kink must have started somewhere amirite) but Aragorn is just peak masculinity for me. (Plus: the curls 🖤)

5) Astarion

Anyone surprised? No? Good. The main reason I downloaded BG3. Such a beautiful character design, such a complex charkter and world-class performance.

And with Prince Eric's clothing style, Jessica's sex-appeal, Lestat's character and Aragorn's fighting skills he is basically custom made for me LOL

No pressure tags: @littlelovelore @onlyancunin @vixstarria @wilteddreamsofbaldursgate

[jodjuya]

Finished "Malcolm In The Middle".

I have so much love for this show, and so many thoughts and feelings about it.

I can't decide on a single favourite character. It's a tie between Dewey and Piama.

Pushing through the last two seasons really felt like a slog. Probably why it took me so many months, and this hospital stay, to finally get through it all.

The show's highlights were absolutely the episodes that showed Francis at his peak:

- at Marlin Academy, where he won zero achievement awards because he was too busy being in trouble for standing up for the other students

- when the family visited him at Otto's Grotto, and he got that Ranch Foreman Montage exemplifying him as the Pinnacle Of Masculine Competence, and the episode wrapped up with him EMBEDDED in dysfunctional chaos, unconsciously setting off fireworks like a hypnotized sleeper-agent. I think that's my favourite episode of television period.

But I feel bad for Francis. In, like, a meta way. His character got the worst treatment out of everyone in the ensemble.

They kept giving him amazing redemption arcs, which kept accidentally disconnecting him from the family's chaos and taking him out of the show, so then they'd have to reset him back to square one every other season. Very unsatisfying. The man had nearly as many careers as Homer Simpson!

And THEN! late in the sixth season it's suddenly his 21st birthday and that completely threw me for a loop!

Because when you're looking at Francis Nolastname, you really feel, deep in your soul, that you're looking at the most 26 year-old man to have ever been 26.

And that episode gives you such a record-scratch-doubletake. It's discombobulating AF.

It was a good series of twists to have him eager to be turning 21 because he's "been waiting for this day for YEARS" and you're like "alcohol?" But then it turns out he's Sober and big into Alcoholics Anonymous, and THEN it turns out he doesn't actually ever drink because half a glass of beer gets him tipsy, and so he's not even remotely close to alcoholism but that's just a narrative he latched onto to make himself feel better about his terrible life. It's very very funny.

Same narrative arc as when Reese got himself emancipated and got himself a kickass apartment and seemed to be superbly functional and mature, and then it was revealed that, no, he actually doesn't know shit from fuck and was just funding his whole lifestyle on credit cards like they were an unlimited free money hose.

Always very very funny to portray the boundless hubris of ignorant jackass teenagers. One of my top #1 all time favourite best television tropes.

Anyway, yeah, very weird to have that sudden reminder that Francis ran away to Alaska when he was only like 16 or something. That's fucking wild.

His wife was the best late addition to the show. I never didn't enjoy seeing Piama onscreen.

Pairing Francis up with Ida so often was a good writing decision. Kept him tethered to the rest of the family in a way that didn't feel too forced, and gave many opportunities for him to express Big Feelings with some hammy wallpaper-gnawing. Kept his character from getting too stale.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to watch "Breaking Bad". I really really really struggle with being able to watch "Bob's Burgers" for the same reason.

[whitestopper]

Before Season 2, I thought that Tao's father had left Tao and Yan, and since Tao('s actor) is mixed white and Asian, it could've been shown that Tao's anxiety over fitting in as a half-Asian boy in a white school started from a young age. Maybe his father told Yan to stop teaching him Cantonese, or not letting him bring egg noodles for packed lunch. Maybe Yan would agree out of fear that Tao wouldn't assimilate with his classmates or maybe she'd just agree so he wouldn't cause a fight about it. Just little things that started building up the idea that being 'too Asian' would make Tao unlikeable, which would then reach its peak when his white father leaves him.

Or if Tao's dad needs to be good but dead so Yan can speak happily about him without any issues, then Tao could've just had a bad time at school. Teachers expecting him to be a minority model student (quiet, polite and getting exceptional grades) and peers doing racist stuff like broken accents and stretching their eyes. His parents could do their best to make sure that his spark isn't dulled but his insecurities still come out, especially at school where they started.

Now I'm speaking as a white-passing half south-east Asian who was spared being targeted - to my memory the school I went to, while having all white staff, had a decent of mix of white and (east to south) Asian kids. But make no mistake, kids are very much exposed to racism and internalising it. My brother and I were younger than 10 when we learned about the aforementioned racist imitations. We watched Family Guy (to my mum's displeasure) and Eurocentric beauty standards are very clear (and I did internalise the idea that because I was 'ugly', I should put my pride into being 'smart'). And when I became a teenager who realised just how detached I was to my Asian heritage - to the point of thinking myself as less than half-Asian due to lack of exposure - it very much fucked with my sense of self and made me feel like a tourist/outsider when trying to get in touch with it.

All this to say, you can get away with not addressing race when your story is centred around two white boys and poc are just side stories (I mean, you shouldn't and you can't really, but you can), but when you're trying to bring poc to the spotlight, it's really bad to only acknowledge homophobia, mental illness and passing sexism/transphobia (Elle's experiences with transphobia are only mentioned as happening at Truham, but who really believes that the homophobes at Higgs are trans allies?) and not racism, colorism, or xenophobia. Like, does Elle being able to pass as cis supercede the fact that she will never pass as white? Is there not a certain reason Tara struggled to accept that she was a lesbian for longer than Darcy did? Would Tao not have had experience with white peers who bully him and white peers who don't stand by him?

And I won't say much on it as a cis woman, but as Asian men are emasculated as 'weak', Tao's seemingly inexplicable aggression towards Nick becomes... well, explicable when you recontextualise it as (subconsciously) trying to match the white masculine ideal of aggression.

[runin-reads]

what you were saying about teen pregnanacy prongsfoot made me totally spiral bc i think it would like SO interesting if like. okay you know how theres this massive taboo about teenage pregnancy and the person who go pregnant is made to feel so much shame and guilt for apparently 'ruining their lives'? and theyre only a kid but theyre like being TRAUMATISED by the adults in their lives for making 'bad decisions'? but then i thought what if james went. No. like im not doing that lmfaoo like what if (very scandalously) he LOOOOVES being pregnant, is super excited about, cant wait to get pregnant again, doesnt regret a second of it, WILL punch anyone in the face if they imply he ruined his life and sirius is sooo proud of him like sirius is going to be sooo supportive its so great. i also think theyre both massive assholes so like you said when theyre pulled into mcgonagalls office to have The Talk sirius is just like I knocked up my boyfriend and I Love it and james is just like :) ive been picking out baby names since the moment i found out :3 its really great okay also i think james would be the OPPOSITE of embarrassed about being visibly pregnant like hes just walking around the school during their NEWTS and people are whispering about them sure like 'woah look at potter he totally got knocked up by sirius black' but he just Doesnt Care and the only reason like you said he wears the graduation robes that hide his bump is because the teachers make him (which sirius is annoyed about)

Hiii anon thanks for reaching out!

I love your thoughts on and I do think that's one of the ways James could react.

My take is that he loves being pregnant and enjoys the attentiveness it evokes from the people around him - he's portrayed as confident to the point of being arrogant in canon, plus I imagine his parents and Sirius would support him no matter what. This would lead him to not feeling that much shame despite teen (and trans masculine) pregnancy being very taboo. James is shown to be fine with and oftentimes happy to break the rules e.g. he and the other marauders became unregistered animagi for Remus. Overall, I do think he could take it all in stride! If he did feel ashamed, it wouldn't be for long. As implied by the SWM chapter in OOTP, James does care a lot about what others think and will go out of his way to do things that he thinks will make him look cool. Then again, if he cared that much about retaining his 'good reputation' he probably wouldn't have done half the stuff he got up to as a teen.

As for Sirius, I agree with everything you said haha. He's already the black sheep of his family and ran away at 16 (to live with James!) so I imagine he'd be pretty chill with it too. He would launch into protective guard dog mode and would always prowl around James to make sure he and the baby are safe. I see him as a lot less bothered by what others think. So even when the rumors about them reach their peak and the whole school is talking about 'Black knocking up Potter' he'd take it in stride as well. He knows that James' parents are willing to support them financially but I like to think he'd put a lot more effort into finding a stable career, being more mature etc

[sm1ling-dopp3lganger]

Telling YOU🫵🏼 abt my upcoming FanComic!-

(Introduction post!-)

The AU and series as a whole is called Sm1ling.TMNT or S.TMNT for short, like a file name. It is still in production but lemme tell you a little about it!-

It’s a TMNT fancomic set in the year 2023 except it’s a little different. The early 2000s and 2010s instead of the nostalgic era going out of style it basically stayed and is mixed with the modern day setting of this comic. Flip phones are still widely used, MySpace is still a thing, YouTube looks the way it was meant to before all the updates but with modern day functionality. They also have advanced technology that is waaaay farther into the future than what we today know. Just don’t tell them that their fav things went out of style years ago, they’ll have a crisis.

It’s a little confusing but trust me it’s cool!-

The comic is also set from two completely different perspectives. It’s also filled with bunch of angst, funny moments, gore(I’m a horror artist so obviously there’s gotta be some blood and guts), action, romance >:].. THE WHOLE SHABANG!- yk all written and drawn by yours truely! This comic also touches lightly on topics like racist, sexism, xenophobia, bigotry,the topic of beauty standards and much more but it’s not the main focus and most of the time characters that act out these issues they get…taken care of- if yk what I mean >:3

Fn let me introduce you to our main cast of characters! Well…the important ones (with pictures but I apologize they’re wildly unfinished, brace yourself this is gonna be a little long)

Griffin B. Corduroy (Juliet >:])

Griffin! Griff is a jokingly egotistical character who seems to know her worth to others and has a “don’t give a fuck” attitude to compliment her girly girl appearance(peak feminism). In reality she’s extremely temperamental with bad anger issues along with has past of issues with trichotillomania, dealing with stress, and body confidence issues. She’s on her own healing journey but it seems she’s doing it her own way…..(she is an original character)

“APRIIIIIIL (L.) O’NEIL!!—”

April!! Our true detective and best big sister!(and older cousin to Griffin) a chilled out personality complimented by her caring attitude makes her like the mom of the group second to Leo despite being older than him. A little awkward in social situations (she is NOT a cool kid) can bring her to being slightly challenged with the turtles shenanigans as she’s prone to panicking but she’s working on it. Despite being an only child she did not grow up a lonely child, meeting both the turtles and her little cousin Griff at 9 which seemed not connected at the time later to be revealed like a butterfly effect as every event around it continues.

“Everything is always connected”

Casey and CJ (New Yorks Vigilantes)

Cassandra! Cassandra(also known as ‘Cass’ or more commonly ‘Casey’ despite the nickname being her little brothers first name) is a stoic teenager with a soft side. She’s slightly soft spoken with a masculine appearance yet feminine tone and often gets confused by others with her gender when in reality it doesn’t matter what they interpret her as, as she’s gender-fluid! She seems most comfortable and commonly referred to with she/her pronouns but finds it extremely flattering when called ‘handsome’ or referred to in a masculine sense. She’s a hockey player by day and a badass rollerblading vigilante by night. She is a strong woman and role model hopefully for others as well as her baby brother CJ especially after she got them out of an abusive household.

Little Casey!- Casey (also known as CJ) is Cassandra’s partner in justice as well as her baby brother! He’s a big boy meaning he’s four years old and goin strong!- his biggest role model is his big sister and he’s happy about it. She’s his favorite superhero!- if you see Casey you’ll see CJ as they’re always together and Casey never lets him out of her sight. Not after what they had to go through. He’s a good mannered rambunctious kid with a lot of energy. He wants to be just like his big sister that’s why he has his ears pierced as he was tired of wearing sticker earrings and wanted real ones. Casey was a little nervous about this at first but he took it like a champ when she pierced his ears. CJ also likes to help around Casey’s job! He pretends to sweep the floors and wipe down counters when he’s with her at her job at the tattoo shop she works at as a piercer. Casey’s boss loves having him around.

Sensei(Master) Splinter

Yoshi! Once a rat in a pet store being taken care of with the bare minimum only to be thrown to the garbage bin when they thought he was dead for sleeping for too long. Now a humble street rat getting chased by everything around it until a little boy at the name of Yoshi. He got a new name his name was splinter but one day it was changed…the day Yoshi left him was the day he was renamed “Hamato Yoshi” the same as his own that he once had to remember him by as he was dumped down a sewer. But that was years ago….. That year he was blessed with his four sons that made up their odd little family. He seen what Yoshi did for him before he left so he followed in the nurturing steps of the only father he’s ever known. Yoshi is still with him in spirit of course. They are interlinked through the name they share an their soul connection not only as owner and pet but father and son. Yoshi’s spirit began watching splinter raise the turtles when they became tots as that’s when he passed. He warned splinter of a terrible danger and that’s when Splinter began to learn the ways of the Hamato with the help of Yoshi’s spiritual guidance and then taught his sons as well. Past his sad and empowering backstory he’s a silly old man that loves his boys and paints in his free time (reason to why the boys have their names)

Hamato Leonardo

Leonardo! Leo(also referred to as ‘Leon’, ‘Nardo’, ‘Lame-o-nardo’ etc) is the eldest of four siblings total and the eldest of him and his brother Donnie who are twins. Don’t be fooled by his serious older brother front he’s not like that at all!- He only wears his glasses at home and contacts everywhere else and he has braces! He’s not cool at all, He’s more of a nervous wreck that cracks bad jokes to cope. Being leader is very important to him because it means (to him) he is his little brothers main protectors! He takes his job very seriously but he’s very emotional and emotion driven. A bit of a crybaby when it comes down to it and not often angry but when he is…it can get a little out of control. It took him a while to get his Katanas, how do you think he got that scar! Pretty embarrassing story- there was also the incident…..Rip Raphs tail.

Hamato Donatello(Romeo >;3)

Donatello! Donnie (second eldest of four and youngest of a set of twins) is the obvious brains of the operation but that doesn’t help with the fact he’s little pretentious. He can be very cocky about his inventions and knowledge on things since he obviously sees it as cool and interesting…others…yk not so much- He’s more of a listener than a talker and is mostly quiet when he wants to be so sometimes when he wants to get a word in he has to interrupt others for them to actually listen. He keeps to himself a lot and isn’t the most outgoing but if you get him talking about some form of science (specifically chemistry or technology) you’ll see him as a whole new turtle. He can often be sarcastic even when it’s unintentional he doesn’t do it to be rude he’s just grown up around idiots so he does it to make a point (he loves his brothers I promise) though he’s not traditionally boyish usually he definitely has stereotypical male interests (which goes against his personality in some of his other versions in media) one of which is him being a huge sports fan especially basketball. Him and his brothers often go out at night to some empty courts and play. He’s alike his brothers in the ways of personality especially table manners…there’s almost zero. Absolute pigs they are- despite being turtles

Hamato Raphael (sorry he’s super unfinished)

Raphael! The rebellious middle child- Raph is nonchalant and confident in his fighting ability but since he’s very anger prone he’s not listened to as much when it comes to plans but that’s okay…since most of his plans are extremely bad(he’s not really good at organizing) despite his rugged and intimidating look(he’s built like a linebacker I’d be scared too bruh) and nature he’s not all that mean. He knows sometimes he can get a little too angry and needs to tone it back a bit he’s working on it. He’s more of a stereotypical asshole character more of a bully than anything but honestly it’s his way of affection most of the time. Unless it’s Mikey. Mikey pisses him off sometimes. (He still loves him tho-) he’s a tough lover but when it comes to animals or kids he’s a big softy. He’s also very patient with others it’s surprising. Especially Mikey since he’s disabled and needs some extra time on certain things. Raph is genuinely caring when it comes to his family.

Hamato Michelangelo

Michelangelo!1!1! The party dude of the group of course!- (also known as ‘MC Mikey’ and ‘the triple threat’) hes the definition of annoying younger sibling but in a lovable way- he can be a bit rude when joking with but it’s natural seeing who he’s grown up with. He doesn’t mean any harm by it genuinely it’s in an endearing way. He’s super active and flexible since he’s hyper mobile but it depends on the day since he’s invisibly disabled! (Like me! We have the same condition) He has A.M.P.S [insert orange ribbon] and it stands for Amplified Musculoskeletal Pain Syndrome and it’s exactly how it sounds. It’s amplified and generalized chronic pain throughout the body without an actual source. It happens basically because the spine sends a pain signal to the brain like how it would when there’s tissue damage except there’s no cause for said pain single just causing intermediate or constant chronic pain anywhere in the body. He’s learned to live with his disability and for it not to get the better of him but he does hold back from running a lot like across buildings and just uses his rocket board Donnie has built for him. He also constantly does physical therapy throughout the week and takes some medication that Donnie gives to him throughout certain periods of the day so he stays out of constant pain. Past that he acts on impulse as any younger sibling would and usually gets saved by the scute of his shell by his older brothers. Despite this he can very well handle his own. He’s a strong fighter and an absolute tank! He’s a big dude and has an insanely high pain tolerance, reason to why he has the most tattoos despite being the youngest. despite him not being as strategic as his brothers or even his opponent his outside the box thinking is what makes him so good.

Project Genocide. (Hamato Jennika)

Jennika. With a cog heart that ticks and barely beats on its own, it’s still made of gold…sort of

Project genocide was created as a gift for the Shredder by Baxter Stockman. A show of gratitude for his life being saved despite how he was trying to steal from the shredder. Though she was rushed and taken out of her test tube too early. Upon trying to breathe her lung immediately collapsed and filled with fluid, so she eventually died within a matter of minutes of being alive. She was then taken apart out of panic like some object and her organs got modified and individually preserved in a gelatin like substance that held them in place. Her head was put into a jar and a tube as her esophagus as she inhales the fluid in her jar that in which it’s the only thing she can safely breathe. She became this Frankenstein like creature but she could still feel and live like anyone else she just looked….different. She had her life support built into her and with the small flip of a switch she was alive again. She’d never be able to grow on her own or develop mentally forever stuck at age thirteen but she was alive. She is programmed to be a ruthless killing machine and follow orders..gaining her name Jennika stemming from her project name ‘Genocide’. Despite being a literal jarhead she’s swift and ruthless. She’s unmatched compared to some of the highest ranking foot soldiers she was perfect…so she was immediately marked by the foot..the branding hurt but it’s not like she hasn’t felt worse, right? She has built in Tekkō-kagi as a sort of homage to the shredder. They come from in between her knuckles. They were almost used to behead the youngest of the four she was modeled after and created to kill. But…what if she didn’t want to….?

Well maybe you’ll just have to read the comic when it comes out to answer your questions!!! EHEHEHHE 😈

Well that’s all!- if you have any general questions about this whole production just put it in my ask box and I’ll happily answer this is genuinely so fun for me!- I can’t wait for you all to read it ^_^

Also make sure to look out for all their finished character sheets if you wanna get a better look at them!- along with some pretty neat voice claims coming soon but you didn’t hear that from me >;3

[wrenhavenriver]

top 5 books for you too! also, top 5 video games and top 5 movies, if you would like :3c

heeell yeah! top 5 books:

Salvage The Bones by Jesmyn Ward - an incredibly lyrical and deeply sad story of a family in the days leading up to Hurricane Katrina. i read it for the first time at a very shitty time in my life and the sibling relationships especially punched me directly in the heart. a tough read on many fronts (definitely look up/mind the content warnings if you have any "hard no" topics in your books) but the power and beauty of jesmyn ward's writing is something else.

Catch-22 by Joseph Heller - one of those rare high school assigned books that actually made an incredibly lasting impression. i'm glad 17-year-old me got all those reality checks about *checks notes* the horrors of war, the hollow uselessness of nationalism and being convinced to die for it, the absurdly circular reasoning that props up systems of power and the incompetence of the people at the top of them, the ability of bureaucracy to drive you to sheer sobbing madness, financial systems being wildly arbitrary at best and a fucking scam at worst, *takes breath*,

The Long Walk by Stephen King - look, I find most of Stephen King's work deeply annoying, but this one fucking hits. A Hunger Games-esque premise that's about self-destructive urges and toxic masculinity as much as it as about the actual, you know, ritualized dystopian death march. also the camaraderie that forms between these teenagers even in the most hideous of circumstances is so charming and funny and sweet. also also it's just, like, really gay (peter mcvries you mad bisexual disaster).

The Secret History by Donna Tartt. Sorry.

Anything by Octavia Butler really, but Dawn has a special place in my heart. The detail Butler put into all the different ways an alien species would be, well, alien to us--biological, linguistic, the makeup of family units, understandings of gender and sex, etc--and her description of humans as intelligent but highly hierarchical, and how these conflicting qualities could very well lead to our destruction...the hugely messy power dynamics not only between aliens and humans but among humans themselves...there's just so much to sink your teeth into, and it's only the first fucking book in the trilogy!

much more briefly because i'm giving myself eye strain, top 5 video games:

this is another one of those things that seems to shift every time i'm asked it but there are two (2) that will very likely never be budged from the list and those would be: have i mentioned this game called dishonored 2012 dev. arkane studios maybe one or eighteen hundred times over the last ten years; and bloodborne babey!!!

feeling like i need a zelda entry on here rn but i can't decide between majora's mask or twilight princess

fire emblem: awakening set me on the terrible path of anime chess obsession and i'm much less mad about it than i should be

also need a sengoku jidai media entry on here but i can't decide (x2) between sengoku basara or nioh which is hilarious because they are WILDLY different in tone. the duality of man

oh shit that's at least five? ask me again in a week and i'll have at least three different substitutions lmao

favorite movies:

the handmaiden. adapting fingersmith to 1930s korea is galaxy brain levels of genius and hideko and sook-hee are peak romance

saw pan's labyrinth for the first time at like. age 14? and it chemically altered my brain and introduced me to guillermo del toro's work and made me feel a lot of horrifying things. 10/10

need a ghibli entry on here but can't decide (x3) between princess mononoke and howl's moving castle, vote now on your phones

lord of the rings: the two towers. saw it six times in theaters when it originally came out and it's still my favorite of the series. can pretty much watch it by just closing my eyes at this point.

favorite disney/pixar is tangled. "i see the light" is also peak romance. wait what if hideko and sook-hee sang i see the light to each other

[new-sandrafilter]

Timothée Chalamet Is British Vogue’s First Solo Male Cover Star

BY EDWARD ENNINFUL

15 September 2022

For the first time in British Vogue’s 106-year history, this month a man is flying solo on our cover. Not that men haven’t found their way on to the front of the magazine in the past: the first was actor and It boy Helmut Berger, alongside Marisa Berenson, photographed by David Bailey for the July 1970 edition. In my time here, impressive men have occasionally had their moments too: one example, footballer and campaigner Marcus Rashford, joined Adwoa Aboah in September 2020 to spearhead our “Activism Now” special, alongside many other brilliant faces, both men and women.

But I always held off from a man-only print magazine cover. Forever conscious of Vogue being a space that celebrates women first, I didn’t want it to be a stunt or a statement. Are men in dire need of more places to dazzle on their own, I pondered. The answer, of course, is no. Yet, in turn, it increasingly felt to me that there was something at best old-fashioned, at worst dangerously retro, about these tired old gender boxes. Fashion doesn’t always work that way – is every last piece in your wardrobe strictly designed for the gender with which you identify? I doubt it. Sex and fashion these days is no longer about va-va-voom dressing, it’s about expression and personal ease. It’s about politics and playfulness. It’s about dressing to make yourself feel good. So a man on the print cover? Perhaps I was waiting for the right man. Certainly I was waiting for us all to evolve a little further, for the moment to feel right, to have it feel like less of a “thing”. I wanted it to feel effortless. And then, one day, it… did.

“A man on the print cover? Perhaps I was waiting for the right man,” Edward Enninful writes in his October 2022 editor’s letter. 📸 Steven Meisel

Timothée Chalamet is modern man incarnate, as an actor and as a person. The 26-year-old star has enjoyed a breakneck ascent to the top of Hollywood in the past five years, from an Oscar nomination for Call Me by Your Name in 2018, to box-office dominance in Dune in 2021, to his detailed, nuanced and heartbreaking performance in Luca Guadagnino’s upcoming Bones & All. If this person can make playing a teenage drifter cannibal move your soul, as you will see on cinema screens this autumn, then I figured he was certainly ready for the chameleonic journey of a Vogue cover shoot.

Then, of course, there is Timothée’s feverishly followed fashion persona, a style so innate and self-assured that it inspires women and men alike. From shimmering genderless suiting to his daily wardrobe of vintage T-shirts and easy denim, he doesn’t like to label himself whether he’s off to a concert or caught in the glare of a thousand flashbulbs. When we began talking about the possibility of this cover several months ago, it became immediately apparent that Timothée is just Timothée. Neither tooled nor marketed by the Hollywood and fashion machines to appeal to teens or grandmothers, women or men, he is simply himself. He is a man for everybody.

And so here he is, a young actor at the peak of his early career, who calls to mind the Deans and DiCaprios of past decades, but with a relationship to a new generation that dismantles old-fashioned notions of masculinity as a matter of course. He brought so much energy, humility, joie de vivre, as well as a delightful clutch of character play, to our day on set with photographer Steven Meisel. It made me very happy to hear him describe the shoot as the favourite of his career to date. Sure, we played with gender, incorporated womenswear and generally had a ball, but for Timothée it all felt like the most natural space in the world. In the accompanying profile by Vogue’s Giles Hattersley, he tells all about living at the crossroads of quarter life. By the nature of his unfiltered authenticity, he is leading a quiet revolution in fashion, the arts and celebrity. It was a thrill and I’m honoured to have him as British Vogue’s first solo male cover star.

Elsewhere, the autumn season is in full swing, as seen in our trends section and fashion features. Meanwhile, extraordinary stories include a profile of superstar columnist Marina Hyde and a special audience with Ukrainian first lady Olena Zelenska, photographed alongside her husband, President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, in Kyiv in July. Reading about their mission to keep the spotlight on the war, while leading their nation’s hour-to-hour response in the face of an unthinkable siege, is astonishing to behold.

[vacantgodling]

unique writing asks: 1, 5, 7 (for any and as many WIP/s as you want), and 30

thank you valen <3 i hope you're doing good!

1. What themes would you like to write about that you feel don’t get explored very often?

tbh its less about what doesn't get explored often and more like, the way that a lot of people do it doesn't do it for me so i gotta make it my fucking self. a lot of it does center around representation for men especially and most importantly queer and poc men. mlm relationships that aren't just teenagers, that aren't just completely happy and non problematic, that have MASCULINE men and positive visions of masculinity. nonbinary masc leaning characters, men over 30 that are complex and have rich inner lives and rich emotions especially with other men.

also black fantasy that isn't "black first" -- i really don't know how to explain it but as a black person i am MAD tired that every fantasy that a black person is in always tends to come with some caveat about being black or showcases black struggle, or they're a minority. i want fantasy that is a majority black cast and has nothing to do with them being black. i want fantasy where every character is an individual and their skin tone has nothing to do with the story. i want queer people who's stories who deadass have nothing to do with being queer they just ARE. i'm tired of having to lead everything with my identity and not being able to be just a GUY and i feel strongly about that in my works too. like yes, all my works are queer and poc and nd centered. but them overcoming these things or having challenges with these things isn't always the point, ESPECIALLY not with race like i am SO FUCKING TIRED of my race being a factor in fantasy man like i'm exhausted.

5. Would you rather write a happy ending that soothes the soul or a tragic ending that hurts the heart?

happy endings. i refuse to write sad endings. AT MOST i will write bittersweet endings, but i just dislike writing endings that are tragic. tragedies can be super good but i just don't like things to be super dour and i don't like things that steal away my hope. i want there to be some sort of hope there, even if it was hard won and hurts a little.

30. What is some of the best writing advice you’ve read or received? Why does it work for you?

honestly the best advice i ever learned or got was to write things that make YOU happy and to worry about the themes and shit later. the thing is: everyone has morals or things they believe in or shit that is important to them; trying to force them out and into a story is the easiest way to stifle whatever creativity that you have about the idea or the characters etc. if you're trying to FORCE yourself to create a message instead of letting one form naturally, then it just gets rough as shit. and at least for me, i've found that when i write what i want to write and focus on the shit that i enjoy, messages and themes come out on their own anyway.

7. Favorite description in your wip? (If asked more than once, respond with a new piece each time)

prepare for a lot and so i'm putting it under a cut lmao: sorry in advance for this overload but prose is probably the thing i'm proudest of generally speaking

CAGE

His first study of Hanzo wasn’t entirely fair to the man; clouded by anger, and distrust, and not to be dramatic, but definitely a bit of apprehension, but perhaps this was the first time Cassidy was truly seeing Hanzo. He’d thought the elder Shimada’s nose was like the jut of a mountain cliff; but was there anything more majestic than seeing the peak of a mountain obscured by clouds at the crest of dawn? His eyebrows were severe, but why did Cassidy only just now notice that they feathered at their ends like the wings of tiny birds? Hanzo looked like Genji in Blackwatch; when he snarled, when he let his expression fall flat, and lifeless. But here, and now, with a soft linen towel draped about his shoulders, his dragon tattoo near iridescent in the cresting evening, his hair once again down and fanning his shoulders, and gazing up at the expansive blanket of the stars with a quiet and meditative eye, Hanzo looked practically seraphic. 

COME TO BED (one of my 3 buddy daddies fics)

“We can’t do this unless you take it off too.” And as with everything, Rei ceded. It was a painful show of trust; Kazuki could see it in how he hesitated but his hands kept moving, kept unzipping his tracksuit, tossed it; shrugged out of his tank top revealing a chest Kazuki had seen many times before riddled in scars. But it was different now; to touch it, to taste it, to feel Rei shudder beneath his ministrations, to watch him gasp and tilt his head back. Kazuki wasn’t sure what was more intoxicating: his skin, his reactions, or the trust they suddenly built here. They couldn’t go back after all of this, and like with Miri they wouldn’t. They’d fight, they’d fuck up, but Kazuki was beyond the point of not putting a name to this thing between them and Rei must’ve felt the same because he was here. He was here, here, here. Kazuki thought it and kissed it like a mantra to Rei’s collar, Rei’s stomach, Rei’s thighs. 

WILDFLOWERS IN THE PAVEMENT (one of my 3 buddy daddies fics, warning for nsfw)

Better. His eyes seemed to say. That Rei looked better like this; domestic and falling apart in the safety of his arms, bangs sticking to his forehead from sweat and love. Rei felt better like this. Suwa Rei was becoming some distant thing to him—some cloak he donned before slipping out into the night, some second skin that was becoming too small to crawl in. This Rei, who let Kazuki strip his cock raw until he was over sensitive and panting, wrapping his legs even tighter around Kazuki’s back. This Rei, who met Kazuki’s wine dark eyes with a plea, a promise, with love, with need. 

“K-Kazuki.” 

“I’ve got you.” Kazuki said and it was enough, it was enough.

PARAMOUR -- dude there's gonna be a lot i went loco on the paramour prose

Hyacinthus glanced over his shoulder, only slightly; not enough to draw attention to it. The voice that rang in his ear was but a passing whisper, smokey like an open fire, and sent that same warmth chasing through Hyacinthus’s gut. In his peripheral, he caught sight of a plain black crow mask. In the dim electric light of the room, it glimmered with embedded black gems, only just so to give it the illusion of motion. It was a half mask like his own; the slow smile that came to the person’s face when they realized Hyacinthus was looking was far too telling.

##

Pretty dead leaves of fire and gold had begun to coat the cobblestoned streets of Halifax when Hyacinthus received another one of Aloe’s letters.

##

He didn’t take Hyacinthus’s hand, merely started off through the suffocating mass leaving Hyacinthus no choice but to follow. Hands and bodies pressed close from all sides—writhing and grasping, seeking to touch, to steal, to feel—to take anything they could get their hands on. Hyacinthus squared his shoulders broader and began to push. Whether his shoulders or the severity of his expression told them to move a small channel around him slowly began to take shape. That was the difference between himself and his wiley butler, who weaved and bobbed in and out of the crowd with ease. Whenever there was an opening, like water, Amon slipped through—fluid and malleable. Hyacinthus however, shaped any opening to his own size. Water in a vase, as was water to a mountain. They pushed and shaped each other, in ways uncomfortable to dwell on.

##

Moonlight washed the courtyard in pale blues and serene milk whites. Below this floating palace, the lights were harsh and gold. He could almost taste the stiffness of the air; choked with mirth and alcohol and the fervor of the night. The packed rooms of The Nimbus, the claustrophobic walls of winding back alleys, the grunts and groans of passion and pain; all of the world’s earthly pleasures, finite and pale delights compared to this quiet. 

Entranced wasn’t the right word. It wasn’t strong enough. Transfixed. Illuminated. Anchored. Their lips had yet to touch, yet the only thought in Amon’s mind was the pleasures of the divine; lips and tongue and tastes of the gods. Hyacinthus was before him, yet he wasn’t close enough. He wanted to be one in the same skin. To follow the thread of intimacy until he forgot who he was supposed to pretend to be. For a drop of mercy he would kill for it; beg for it. A soft indulgency that could never be his but how Hyacinthus’s gentle caress of his cheek made him yearn.

##

Narcissus’s world was like glass. Delicate, intricate, finely blown and shaped, to a perfect sphere she could cradle within her hands.

THE GRAVES WE DUG

His thoughts wandered, as they tended to these days. Dark, hooded eyes roved over the small bits of scenery presented to him. Drunkards lavished themselves over poker and pool tables; brims of their hats tilted high in jubilation or low in deception. Graves’s own gambler was tipped low down; to keep the bright, fly addled, naked bulbs above from creating blind spots in his sensitive vision. He was a creature of the darkness and this saloon was too bright; too close to a normalcy long foreign to his mind.

He drained his bitter dram, then set his glass to the side. The girl who refilled it was prattling on about something he wasn’t hearing. He let his eyes slip closed. 

Then, he was standing on the balcony of The Rome.

[guardianreadersofthegalaxy]

If I were on the Films To Be Buried With podcast:

What was the first-ever film you saw, or remember seeing? Mulan. I remember the screen being really big, but I think maybe I was just small. I got a happy-meal toy of the fat bloke that would trundle along on wheels if you pulled a string (unlike the character in the film who didn't actually have wheels). And I got the CD-ROM tie-in game, my favourite bit being the level when you pick Mulan's outfit to meet the matchmaker. Then I got older, the toxic masculinity set in, and I felt retrospectively embarrassed for liking something girly.

What was the film that scared you the most? We watched The Mummy one Christmas Eve when I was in primary school as my parents had heard it was a fun family romp. The opening 5 minutes were so fucked up I didn't sleep for a week. I like being scared now though. I love the first part of Ghost Stories, the one with Paul Whitehouse in an asylum at night with his torch flickering out. I remember thinking "I've peaked! I can't physically be more scared than this!"

What was the film that made you cry the most, and are you a cryer? I'm not usually a crier but I like it when it happens. I know it's a cliche but I always cry at Up. Bereavement's my trigger. I always get a bit choked up at Tiny Tim's death in The Muppets' Christmas Carol but last year my wife and watched it shortly after the death of a close friend and we wept buckets.

What is the film that’s made you laugh out loud the most? I recently watched The Man With Two Brains for the first time. I love that kind of silly comedy where ridiculous things happen but the characters take it seriously, no one's rolling their eyes or saying "that just happened". Also RRR is unintentionally hilarious and I love it for that.

What film is underrated but you love it? A Knight's Tale never gets the praise it deserves. It's a fun, sincere, exciting, historical-romantic-comedy about jousting. Everyone in the cast gives it their all, especially Paul Bettany, and the needle drops are sick.

What is the film you once loved but watching it recently you realise it’s not great? I watched Donnie Darko in primary school as a sort of entry-level horror film (in that it had a creepy bunny-man and a few jump-scares) and thought it was really deep all through my teens. It was my favourite film for a long time. But I watched it recently and it's just kind of pretentious, with nothing going for it but great music and good ensemble cast and a lot of teen angst.

What is the film that means the most to you, not because of the film itself, but because of the memories, you have of it? I've got two films I associate with break-ups. I saw 500 Days Of Summer at a time when I was listening to a lot of Los Campesinos and thought it was cool to be cynical about romance. My girlfriend and I broke up the next day. Two years later, I came home after breaking up with my second girlfriend. My dad poured me a whiskey and we watched the 2005 Pride And Prejudice, just cos it was on TV. It's not a great film but it took my mind off the break up.

What is the sexiest film? I never really found films sexy until I saw Steven Soderbergh's Out Of Sight. George Clooney's a fugitive and Jennifer Lopez is an FBI agent trying to catch him, but they fancy each other so much that they meet up in a hotel to have sex anyway. The music is so frigging good.

What’s a film that isn’t probably supposed to be sexy but you found yourself turned on by? Mind your own business!

[EDIT] There's something about Mrs Tweedy from Chicken Run...

Which film do you most relate to? Eighth Grade. Like Kayla, I was a social pariah for some of my teenage years and it felt like that was just the way it was, I would never have friends. But, like a lot of problems it turned out to just be temporary. If you keep putting yourself out there, stay patient, and don't lose hope, you'll get there in the end.

Which film is the one you’ve watched the most? Probably The Fellowship Of The Ring. I remember my mum walking in on me watching the video going "really Dom?! That's the second time this week!" I'd have friends over and we'd reenact the council of Elrond: "So I'll say 'You have my sword' and then you be Legolas and say 'and you have my bow'..."

What’s the worst film you’ve ever seen? If there's a genre I can't get behind, it's biopics. They often assume you already like the subject so don't bother making them likeable as a character. The worst of all is Good Vibrations. It makes out Terri Hooley to be a smug, cocky prick who everyone's in awe of despite him treating them all like shit. I've rarely wanted to punch a character so hard.

Which film is objectively the greatest ever? It's tough, but I'm gonna go for O Brother Where Art Thou? Great performances, incredible music, hilarious comedy. The use of colour grading revolutionised the post production process. I love how it makes fun of its characters, except when they're singing - that it takes seriously. Even the villainous KKK leader gets a song and, weird as it is to say, that guy can really croon.

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | I Know What You Did Last Summer (Gillespie, 1997)

It’s been a year since that fateful event, when the characters covered up a hit and run and swore to take this horrible secret with them to the grave. They have drifted apart, as the currents of life have taken them down different streams. But a mysterious letter has brought them back together. Jennifer Love Hewitt. Sarah Michelle Gellar. Ryan Phillippe. And now, glimpsed on the dock like a small town Adonis, Freddie Prinze Jr., in a tight black tank top, baggy as hell cargo pants and a dangerous amount of product in his hair. We can talk about how fickle beauty standards can be regardless of gender, and I’d like to stress that this was considered the absolute peak of masculine beauty in 1997.

I bring this up not just to have a laugh at Prinze Jr.’s expense (although I won’t deny that was a motivating factor), but to position this is a temperature reading of the horror genre at that moment. The slasher film was the furthest from the grindhouse at this time, having shed the purely exploitative ethos of prior decades but before mean horror would make its return a few years later. Like in Scream, with whom this shares a screenwriter in Kevin Williamson, irony was in. These characters are at least nominally aware of other horror movies (The Silence of the Lambs is namechecked at one point). Dumb and horny teenagers are out. Snarky teenagers are in. This has appeared on the Criterion Channel as part of their High School Horror series, and I’d like to think it was chosen for its usefulness in this regard. Who knows, at the rate we’re going, maybe we’ll get a series with Urban Legends: Final Cut and American Psycho 2. Disreputable Shriekquels or something like that. Not judging, just observing. (I think their insistence on contextualizing movies has helped me get more out of what’s appeared on their service. So yes, I would 100% watch either of those were they to appear on the service.) Perhaps the appearance of Fleshtone on the service may have been a sign of things to come.

Not that any of this makes this a “good” movie. Despite the R-rating, the violence is strangely shied away from, frequently cut to neuter its impact, and the swooshing camera angles and slick studio style lacking the visceral impact of earlier, cruder slashers, not to mention the forcefulness Wes Craven brought to the Scream movies despite working in a similar aesthetic. I think this one’s failings are obvious in light of that other series, which creates the illusion of safety through the irony-laden dialogue and studio production values, only to snatch it away with the ruthless, full-bodied violence that it metes out. The sense of irony here feels more a symptom of ‘90s cinema, when characters were in the habit of talking fast and making references, than anything that’s really engaged with on the thematic level.

There’s also a sense of the dead-end realities of small town realities, with at least one character reintroduced with a much more humble fate than she’s envisioned, but this also feels a little undercooked. (The choice of a fishing village also feels like a transparent element to work in the hook hand urban legend element.) You can look at something like My Bloody Valentine and see how this element could have been better fleshed out. I will also say that despite my comments on Prinze Jr.’s getup, I found the performances relatively appealing. I didn’t see this movie until now and have no strong connection to anything else these actors have done, but as they were more or less “it” for a few years when I was growing up, I can’t help but feel a certain secondhand nostalgia. I also found it pretty funny when Phillippe incriminated himself by beating up the guy from The Big Bang Theory. Not the guy everybody loves or hates (depending on how you land on the show), the other guy. (On a side note, I once had a coworker compare me to Sheldon Cooper. I lied and pretended not to know who that was. Died a little on the inside that day.) For all my qualms, I found this pretty inoffensive.

I do think there’s something interesting with the way this movie frames the slasher’s motivation. The genre has often been accused of moralizing thanks to the juxtaposition of sex and violence, but here, the protagonists are targeted precisely because of their guilt, their direct complicity in the instigating incident. You compare this to the original Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street, where the villains avenge wrongdoings on characters they hold guilty by proxy, or any number of other slashers where the relationship between motivation and victim is even more tenuous. In one situation, the characters are targeted for their actions, who they are and what they did. In the other, the characters are denied even that agency. The violence is totally senseless. For all the flak that ‘80s slashers were given for their cardboard cutout characters, I know which dynamic I find scarier.

[twinnedpeaks]

Hii! Dumb question, but do you have any suggestions for watching/better appreciating Twin Peaks? The first time I gave it a shot I finished season 1 and found it ok, albeit a little confusing, but didn't much connect with it. But I want to try again and give it my full attention! This year I did an exchange semester at another uni and fell for a guy who really loves it. I'm now home, and will probably never see him again. Remembering our talks makes me to experience something he's passionate about, since it's all I can do now to better know him.

Sorry for the ramble, it's been nice to write this down. Also, thank you for your poetry, it is beautiful. Please keep posting it, if you feel comfortable doing so, of course <33

hello sweetheart! thank you for even reading what i put out there, it’s hard not to get dismayed with the lack of interaction these days.

i don’t think that’s dumb at all, actually that all sounds very romantic and thoughtful.

i think there are many ways for different people to appreciate the show, as it has so many layers and interpretations. but what’s always gripped me about it is the symbolism - the whole show is set up like a classic whodunnit, then seemingly morphs into something else entirely. however, the core of it is still this cycle of abuse, and it does such a fantastic job of showing the reality of that.

laura is a young girl being abused by her father, turning to drugs and guys to distract her and make her feel loved, like so many others do in those situations. throughout the story, she’s the one constant, the cycle itself. bob, the villain of the show, isn’t just one thing or one man, but rather a symbolic entity, an embodiment of misogyny and evil. then there’s ronette, a girl so similar to laura, who suffers nearly the same fate, but survives. however, she is largely forgotten by the town, the detectives, and the same people grieving laura. in a way they are two sides of the same story - one dies, and is remembered as a murdered girl, whose murder the men in charge can’t figure out, because they don’t get it. one survives, and is forgotten, because she lived through it, and “got lucky”.

my favourite scene in the show, is when cooper sees the giant on stage. the giant says nothing except the phrase “it is happening again”, and cooper knows. because the cycle of abuse and violence against women can’t be broken, and he realizes he can’t stop it, even in the town of twin peaks. (side note - my mother played a lot of agnes obel when i was growing up, and whenever i hear her song ‘it’s happening again’, it breaks my heart).

twin peaks is also a great example of a show loved by the very people it’s painting as the villains, like american psycho and fight club. while not as much about toxic masculinity, it has a lot of the same undertones, and is, at its core, quite political.

okay, i went off on a tangent there, sorry. as for other ways to love the show, watch some other lynch projects! even some interviews, if you’re interested. he is an absolutely amazing guy, with a brain mainstream media doesn’t get. but he has this unique view of the world and the people in it. but to be less deep, he’s just a fun weird little man who shaped my teenage years <3

[blorbocedes]

2010s Lewis would probably have a stroke if he saw his present day self haha anyway what doesn’t really sit right with me is the fact that Lewis likely knew about Nico being bullied as a kid and not being particularly fond of the Britney jokes as a result, and yet he didn’t stop himself from making those jokes… Now I know they were very close at the time and maybe Nico didn’t even mind if it was Lewis saying those things (maybe), but I would definitely stop myself from making such remarks if I knew my friend, a person I care about, might be hurt by them

@colors-of-feeling would love you ahah

I'm going to answer with this some grace: lewis and nico were friends at their peak teenage boyhood of being 13-15, and a lot of the times male friendships is literally just being mean to each other. the bully or get bullied type, and then they reunited back in their 20's in f1 and becoming teammates -- f1 that already fosters rancid bro-attitude and festering toxic masculinity and this is peak late 2000's to early 2010s. the funny thing is jenson who came up with the britney nickname Also got called female names in school..... 💀 and ofc Lewis had to deal with literal racist abuse, so to them mocking the pretty rich kid (their friend!) was harmless, even if nico didn't like it. it's even more 😶 when you realise all throughout nico's karting years when he was lewis' teammate nico had long hair so this wasn't even anything new for him, but he picked up on the nickname when jenson and mark did~

obv lewis of now wouldnt stand for the shit lewis of 2010 did, I don't stand for blorbocedes of last month, people grow and change! and sometimes, lewis of 2010 was a shitty friend.

[faroreswinds]

Zelda fan showing up!Since it's technically a Zelda (and Fire Emblem) blog, I am here to send Zelda questions.

What is your favorite Link in the saga (because of its history or appearance) vs your favorite game in the saga (playability or history)?

OH MY GOD A ZELDA ASK?!

SAFSDFDSFA, THANK YOU!

Thankfully for me, my favorite Link comes from my favorite Zelda game! Hero of Time, babyyyyyy! And Majora's Mask!

So a little context. Part of why I love the HoT (and not because he's hot. Heh, dum-bum-psst) is 100% partially because of nostalgia. OoT was the first game I ever laid eyes on. Ever.

I was little, had no clue was a video game was. And there was my uncle, sitting on his bed and playing this really strange thing! I was curious. My uncle was a teenager at the time, so he wouldn't let me play but he did indulge me by letting me watch. But it would be years before I ever got to play. My first actual video game would be some lame GBC game that probably wasn't worth the money. But I never forgot Zelda.

Fast forward a few years and I got my first home console. And lo- there was the Collector's Disk, with OoT, MM, LoZ, and AoL. At last! I got to play OoT! And it was amazing.

Well, mostly. Actually, I wasn't in love with Zelda at the time. I liked it and I got pretty far. Until I messed up the Water Temple and raged quit for 6 years. Yup. 6 years. I would play other games and mostly ignored Zelda.

Until one day I walked into Gamestop and there was a new game coming out. I recognized the name. Legend of Zelda! But this one was Twilight Princess. I decided I wanted it and asked for it for Christmas. And I got it!

It was magical. And for the first time, I found myself curious about Zelda beyond just as a casual. So I fired up OoT again and started over.

And then I played Majora's Mask.

Oh man, the memories. I loved these games. The story. The magic. Link himself!

While TP sparked me to push deeper into Zelda as a series, OoT was just something extra special to me. That's part of why I love the Hero of Time.

Plus, I like his story the best. His tragedy, the adversity he had to face. And his design is the ideal Link to me. He's not too feminine looking like BotW Link is, but he's not super macho masculine either. He's pretty but manly. I dig it.

But Majora's Mask has solidified itself as my favorite Zelda game and that is not nostalgia. It took years before I actually played it properly. And at even, I didn't even care for it!

But as I got older and understood the darker themes, the brilliance of the game's design, the overall story.... God, it is so good. I could write an essay so I will have to curb my enthusiasm.

Plus... Fierce Deity is peak Link. Absolute chad.

Thanks for the Zelda ask! What's your favorite Link and fav game?

[marshmeowpenguin]

as the year comes to it's end, i present to you, my fellow tumblrinas:

~~TOP 10 things that happened to me in 2022~~

I've met my best friend, about whom I think everyday, and I can't wait untill I fly over to meet him, and do all the things we promised to eachother we would do:D

My anxiety reached it's previously unseen peaks, and my well-being had been rather lowgfdhrtdhgfhdf

But, that's okay! I've learned alot about myself and the world, and I started to express myself alot more! I'm trying to learn drawing now, writing fanfics, poems... It feels amazing to show the world who I am:)

I GOT BACK TO READING and it consumes most of my time (which I'm very okay with) - omg, experiencing the song of achilles, the picture of dorian gray, seven husbands, the house in the cerulean sea, SIX OF CROWS AND ON EARTH WE'RE BRIEFLY GORGEOUSretretge'g;eld(amazingly beautiful book, please read it:3)

I'VE PLAYED OMORIIII omgg it was amazing hdsdsdfgd, it hurts alot, but it's the kind of pain that's worth going through, for all the moments, the friends, ghhhfhfdh, basil really reminds me of my childhood friend i unfortunately lost contact with,,,,,, i kinda acted like sunny with him, its painful to look at, but, i love itgfhfg

I've watched ToH OMG MY FAVOURITE SHOW EVER AGDFGHFDGH it inspired me so much to be more expressive, soothed my fears, and even if for a moment, made me feel like I'm... okay, like i can be seenfgjhgjgh

I had my musical gay awakening. Lana Del Rey, Melanie Martinez, Mitski, Phoebe Bridgers and LORDEEEEEE are the queens that became MY RULEEEEEERS omg aghghah, they really helped me in finding what i like in art - emotive beauty, tenderness, and stories - of teenage fun, adult heartbreak, childhood scars-hkfjfytghjhg ALSOO MCR, GORILLAZ, THE NBHD, THE ARCTIC MONKEYS, SUFJAN AND HOZIER, WE STANNNNN<3

I've felt excrutiatingly alone this year, as usual, but this time, the darkness didn't overshadow the joy, I often felt as loved as ever, like I could bring something into this world, something that would establish a connection, between what lies within me, what i was scared to show for so long, between who i really am, and someone as scared of life as medfgesgfhgfhd

i am very gay

i started quetioning my gender identity (like, alot); i was amab, but it never quite felt rigth... i never felt like i really fit in with any 'masculine' group of friends, idk, i wish i could explopre my feminimity without fearing that i'd dissapoint my parents, (like what i am now wouldn't be enough lolll)... i got called a 'she' on a discord server once, and it felt so wonderful, to hear that someone finally recognizes you for who you reall am... idk if im trans, nb, agender or just ngc, but something's not rigth... for now atleast; i'll look, and i'll find. Maybe in some time, i could go back to this post, and say, with the widest smile of empathy for what i thougth i was, blooming over my face: "it's okay, lilly/mick/girl/person/*me*; We're finally hear, you can look in the mirror, and love what you see, you can let others love who you really are, and we really don't need anything more:)