#people have been saying this im just reiterating bc i have feelings. they make me unwell

[devotioncrater]

no because like. there is SOOOOO much going on in azi's head like. the conditioning & the repression & the abuse yes yes but ALSO the GRIEF and the GUILT and the DENIAL over WHO crowley is and has always been!!!!

people have written wonderful metas on it already. nothing im currently saying is anything new. it just. fucking hits though. because because

here is someone you love, right? Love At First Sight, even. and he called out to you first — doesn't matter that you were the only one flying nearby, does it? no, he still called you over — so you go over to help him rev up his nebula engine or something. you're not quite sure what it is you're helping out with. or who you're helping out. just that this red-haired angel with his eyes lit up in glee is about to bring something into creation. you ask him questions about it, you find that his excitement's contagious. when the light bursts, he looks giddy and free and when he says to the stars, "look at you, you're gorgeous" for a half-second you want to believe he's saying that to you. he's not, but it's Love At First Sight all the same. even though you don't know what love is. not really. that's for God to know. love, like God's plan, is ineffable.

oh but you ruin his excitement before it can breathe. you put your foot in your mouth and you don't even know how it's happened. angels are supposed to go along with what God has planned. if God says Earth is to only be there for 6,000 years then...who are the angels to judge? yet this angel gets upset over it. "the engine won't even be warmed up by then" he says. and then he goes off on a dangerous line of questioning God and he's not the same smiling angel you just met two minutes ago. the one who hung the stars in the sky. the one you briefly thought had called you gorgeous.

any attempts to comfort him in that moment are flung out the wazoo. any attempts to caution him are met with deaf ears. he says something about a suggestion box, you say God hasn't created one yet, he says if he were in charge he'd want to be asked questions.

it's that mindset that causes him to Fall from heaven. he's a demon now. he isn't the smiling angel who hung the stars and called you over. not the one who used his wing to shield you from the star-fall.

when you meet him again in Eden, he's got red-hair, yes, but his eyes are now yellow. Fallen. yet he comes over to you. he's asking you questions. you remember him. he doesn't remember you. so when you use your wing to shield him from the rainfall, you think of it as something he'd do for you if he was still an angel. because he did do it for you once.

here is someone you love, right? he's chaotic, hates his job, sarcastic, angry, a demon. he's not who you remember Falling In Love At First Sight with. he hasn't smiled like that since the stars were born. a moment that you, you know, you ruined for him by mentioning God's plan. you helped him Fall, you set that in motion. it's not a pleasant thought at all.

he has to be acting a persona, you think, it has to be all pretend. because when you begin to covertly work with him on preserving humankind and Earth from the Apocalypse, you see glimmers of the kind, nice, angel underneath. although he hates whenever you bring up his soft underbelly. to the point where he fiercely reminds you that he isn't that anymore. he hasn't been that for a very long time.

he's morally grey, but he's good. you know he's good. just like he knows you're a bit of a bastard. it's not so lonely anymore.

then you get stuck in a cell during the french revolution, and when he rescues you, well. maybe you find out throughout the oncoming years that he likes rescuing you. it makes him happy. (you are missing the fact that it is you who makes him happy).

especially in 1941. he goes on consecrated ground to save you. he'd do anything for you including shooting a gun at your head without the aid of miracles. it clicks that you love him, consciously. that love isn't just for God to know. you know it too. there's a good chance that for ages he also kn — that he —

he's a demon. he's a hereditary enemy. he goes too fast for you. there isn't a world where the two of you can run off together, back to the stars, back to the place where he was happiest. that isn't in God's plan. you're an angel, he's a demon. someone is always watching and someone will get punished. it's safest on Earth. that is the only way you can remain together. in this beloved bookshop, with his beloved bentley, on neutral ground. alpha centauri isn't feasible.

he doesn't get it, doesn't understand. you've once again put your foot in your mouth and you don't know how.

so the Apocalypse comes, the Apocalypse doesn't happen. in the aftermath, you both carve out a fragile, quiet life in SoHo with each other. for the most part, heaven and hell leave the two of you alone. they're no longer really watching, so you both stop pretending to be on opposite sides.

it goes well until it doesn't. an archangel shows up naked at your front door and suddenly everything goes sideways. you don't know how to break the news to your demon that this archangel from heaven — who he loathes — is in the bookshop. when he finds out oh, oh he's livid and he's betrayed but he lov — cares about you too much to not help you. he risks his life again. for you. even though he's miserable and stressed out.

heaven and hell are on the hunt, and eventually everything hits the fan. the war bell is accidentally rung, then cleared up. the archangel and the duke of hell run off together, in love. and then the voice for God appears holding a sweet coffee and asks you for a chat. you tell him you've made your position clear. he says you should hear it anyway. and this is the voice of God, so you go alone to hear him out.

he doesn't say anything tempting. you tell him no, you'd rather stay on Earth. but he insists you're the perfect candidate for the archangel job. you, an archangel. a chance at power to make heaven reformed. you and your demon both.

and perhaps that's the ultimate apologetic gesture you can give your demon. it has to be, isn't it? he was outwardly the happiest as an angel. 6,000 years later and he hasn't smiled like that since. maybe this is your chance to make it right. maybe this is your chance to rescue him.

the reaction your demon gives you isn't the one you imagined. he doesn't want heaven. he doesn't want hell. "they're toxic," he says. he just wants an Us. for you to run away with him. to leave heaven behind. if an archangel and a duke of hell can do it, so can the both of you.

he's spilling his heart out in this bookshop and you can't understand why he doesn't see things the way you do. you're trying to help him, to get back to the way things were. back to when he was the giddy angel who hung the stars in the sky. Love At First Sight. that angel is still there, buried underneath his demon position, you're sure of it. you've seen glimmers. you know it's in there.

when he kisses you, you want to follow. you don't feel like you can. it's not how you imagined. the kiss is desperate. a long time coming. it's star-fall and rainfall and it hurts. he's trying to rescue you. but that's not how any of this was supposed to go. you're close to tears. you don't know what to say afterward other than "i forgive you."

and you've gone and put your foot in your mouth once again. you know it as soon as the words ring through the air. when he says "don't bother", leaves, and you press your fingers to where his lips were, maybe you begin to think you shouldn't have.

maybe you've misjudged it — him — for 6,000 years. maybe this entire time he was who he'd always been. always said he was. in heaven, in hell, on Earth. morally grey, but good. yet how can that be when heaven is representative of everything good? wouldn't he be happier among the stars he's created?

(you are missing the fact that he is happiest when he's with you and the life you both have created together).

[theninth09]

theo and liam both constantly trying to prove themselves and expecting punishment.

theos inferiority complex. "because im not a real werewolf?" obviously asked with disdain and insecurity. his voice trembling when he says "i-im not a failure" when the dread doctors classify him as such. his goal of becoming an alpha not because he actually wants power, but because he wants to be stop feeling helpless. he wants to be in control, he wants to stop having to fear that he'll get killed in case he IS a failure. and in s6 he keeps trying to prove himself, to the pack liam this time. liam keeps lashing out (bc hes in denial and telling himself he shouldnt trust or like theo) and theo barely ever reacts, just keeps softly looking at him and never rises to the bait. he wants to be useful, he wants to belong. he wants to be close to liam.

ive already briefly talked about theos relationship with pain in a different post, but just to reiterate: his non-stop provoking words so that people (malia, stiles, liam) punch him, laughing when his bones break, saying "maybe it only responds to pain" about the captured ghostrider and when he said "physical pain becomes manageable." yeah. he definitely got tortured by the dread doctors as punishment. and he probably thinks he deserved it.

liams fear of getting punished/thinking he deserves to be punished. the way he asks "are you mad at me?" with the smallest voice and the saddest look on his face. as if hes used to getting harsh reactions (liams bio dad that we dont know anything about?? yeah.) and in this instance, it wasnt even his fault. his IED wasnt the reason he got into a fight with someone, he didnt even hurt anyone accidentally. liam is the one who got hurt and still, he asks his dad if hes mad, expecting punishment. when hes down in the well and hurts himself punching the wall, he thinks back to his dad telling him that when kids get angry, they either hurt others or themselves. how many times has liam hurt himself during or after an outburst? punishing himself for being the way that he is, for hurting others when he doesnt want to.

liam taking the beating from gabe & nolan is another example of this. thinking hes at fault, that he deserved to get beaten as punishment for bretts and loris death.

in s5b when scott tells him that he hasnt actually apologized yet and liam explains that he feels like he has to do more. that he has to save his life in order to repay him for the damage. and thats probably how most of liams life has been. constantly doing favors, offering help and working himself to the bone trying to atone for what he thinks hes done wrong. the idea of verbally apologizing bringing him shame and guilt, so he just tries to make it better with his actions. even though its not his fault, even though he doesnt have control over it. he just wants to be good. he wants to belong.

[eddiediazismyhusband]

(Please don't apologize. You may call it pessimism but I see it as realism and I truly appreciate it. I've seen people SO excited to see the cast back this week and all the excitement about the new season, optimism for canon buddie, what hair/tattoos/wardrobe might look like. And I feel bad because I don't want to rain on anyone's parade. But I cannot be bothered about whether Oliver will keep his fluffy hair or have any new tattoos or Ryan's mustache because I don't want another season of boring, repetitious storylines that don't do anything to the characters, especially those of color (thinking of the cartel and Mara right now)

I'm hopeful that because season 8 will be a full 18 episodes things won't have to be as rushed or thrown together at the last minute as season 7. But yeah, please don't apologize for your opinions because you're not the only one thinking similar thoughts <3)

im moreso apologetic because i dont WANT to be a debbie downer but its like…. ive been burned by shows (this one included) far too many times to be super optimistic and excited over things that could very potentially not be good for us… like i’ve said, most of the people i know with that mustache are awful human beings and when you add in the fact that gerrard also has a mustache like that AND that tim has been showing so little care for eddie as a character/care for poc characters as a whole it doesn’t seem far fetched to me that tim could very easily commit one of the most egregious acts of character death by veering eddie so far off the natural path simply to create cheap drama

like im so glad we seem to be getting fluffy hair buck… unfortunately fluffy hair buck doesn’t negate the fact that he’s currently in a relationship with a racist and that they’re ignoring 6 years of subtext built between he and eddie to try and further reiterate their “totally platonic dude bro” relationship, on top of giving eddie a look that exudes macho straight republican man…

(and don’t get me started on the fucking cartel plot or the mara plot bc what the actual fuck is wrong with tim minear 💀💀)

i just want them to stop dragging their feet on buddie while seemingly writing everything else as this whirlwind of convoluted messy nonsense drama plots and actually decided if they’re gonna commit to just ship/queerbaiting or to the subtext and plot theyve infused into the story since eddie’s literal first episode.

like personal feelings aside for the mustache, i think we’re giving the writers too much faith in portrayal of queer characters to actually say that it’s eddie “embracing queer culture” simply bc it looks like eddie mercury… we’re talking about the same writers who gave the main wlw couple a cheating plotline, have boiled down buck’s sexuality to just sex, and have relied on playing into stereotypes of mlm/wlw side characters rather thsn actually putting time and thought into it… like it’d be one thing to say “it’s a nod to freddie mercury” if the show has actually shown any kind of care beyond using sexuality plotlines for cheap drama (henren) but the reality is that they haven’t shown us that we can trust them in that way yet.

and who knows maybe it IS a nod to freddie mercury, but we don’t know for sure and im not going to set myself uo to be disappointed yet again when its just as likely to be s nod to them making eddie an antagonistic character with gerrard… yeah, that plot wouldn’t make sense for eddie as a character but neither did the vertigo plot so who’s to say tim wouldn’t go for it?

at the end of the day, i am just not looking forward to s8. nothing yet has given me any inclination to actually watch it until we are shown that they are making strides to actually tell a meaningful story that doesn’t rely on minorities for tokenism plots or putting them through needless pain again. yes this show is a drama, but there are other ways you can create drama (hell it’s a show about first responders) than putting poc characters through the fucking wringer time and time again, profiting off their pain, while simultaneously telling lowkey racist stories that involve the fucking cartel coming out of nowhere to burn down a LA fire captain’s house???

so yeah, i’m just not feeling great about it. i also don’t wanna rain on anyone’s parade but i don’t wanna get my own hopes up when i would just be setting myself up to be let down yet again by these writers

[hiyyihrts]

Please don’t answer if you don’t want to but now that some time has passed what are your likes and dislikes about season so far?

I love the first kiss scene, the awkward willow tree scene, all the Polin moments and obv the carriage scene.

I’m not so keen on the balloon scene (I find it unnecessary) the too many side plots in a short season at the expense of Polin & I can’t but my finger on it but something feels missing from it.

I do have my qualms that I’ve kind of mulled over now that I’ve watched it several times. I do feel sometimes the pacing is odd, and I don’t know if it’s bc we have so many side plots (maybe they’re the same amount and it just seems like a lot bc there’s only 4 episodes rn) but either way something does feel slightly off. I think it all comes down to splitting the parts up honestly. In my mind if it had been released all at once I don’t think there’d be so many people finding faults or nitpicking things as much.

That is to say, the only real complaint I have right now is just the journal scene. I’ve talked a bit about it in another post but I wanted that to a moment where Colin’s anger comes to the surface for the first time since it’s something vulnerable of his that he’s never shared with anyone. I know they changed the contents of the journal to fit the rake narrative a bit more, but I really would have liked a passage about the landscape of his travels and what he actually saw while away. It would have contrasted all the talk he’s been giving about women and his rather ‘naughty’ escapades while away that he keeps reiterating to people at events, if that makes any sense. I understand why they went the route they did, but overall the scene lacked a lot for me personally.

BUT THAT ISNT TO SAY IM NOT IN LOVE WITH THIS SEASON!! I think no matter what happened/happens I’m going to be ecstatic and pleased with it no matter what, because it’s all we’re going to get of Polin in show form. So I will take what I can get and enjoy it!

[7nsomnia]

can i ask, what’s wrong with dcc? i always hear that they kinda suck as a company, but from the vlogs i’ve seen, they’re one of the better companies. i’m not really as into dreamcatcher as some of the blogs on here even though i consider myself a stan, so i might not have the right information

okay. I feel like this is like opening my personal pandora box so this might be long. I'm pretty tired today so apologies in advance if this isn't very coherent asdkjh

dcc are a pretty decent company on a surface level, they treat the members well (which should be like the bare minimum for any company but I know that in this industry that's something to genuinely praise) and they actually change according/respond to negative feedback from the fandom etc when they or the members mess up (or they used to anyway).

for me it started in 2020 and how they handled handong's return. like the way they handled her absence was fine (good even, I would say), but the lack of hype for her actual return made things feel so underwhelming even though it was supposed to feel like a relief that she was finally back. I can't remember all the details anymore, but I do remember that the first time I felt like things were actually alright with dc was when they did the online concert crossroads in march of 2021. on that note I think most ppl were expecting ttol and dlm to be repackaged with ot7 versions and yet it's 2024 and they still haven't released them.

the handong stuff atp is water under the bridge tho, the group is fine, the members are fine, etc, I'm only mentioning it because that's when things started to feel really off for me.

so now we get into the actual things that happened that have left the fandom feeling burned out/frustrated/disconnected etc etc, whereas this happened to me at the end of 2022, I'm seeing more people now going through what I did back then:

I think the most pressing thing was that dcc didn't capitalize at all on dc's first win. they got their first win in april 2022 and didn't even do anything special in korea to commemorate it. it was a HUGE moment and they did nothing with it. usually after a group gets a first win you'll see them getting more promotions in korea, magazine photoshoots, mc deals, etc but dc just went on ahead to do festivals in europe and have a usa tour, these things are not bad but it was the lack of promotion in korea that in turn just made it all feel useless. that year dc also weren't invited to any end of year awards if I'm not mistaken so it all felt really disappointing and like all of the work we had as a fandom had been for nothing. I have to reiterate, dc/insomnias had been getting screwed over on music shows since 2019 with deja vu to get that first win, like I don't want to talk about the injustices the group and this fandom suffered through the years but it was a true story of resilience, so getting that first win in 2022 was a huge relief. to see it all going to waste was just... heartbreaking honestly.

when it comes to tours...... god I don't wanna get too much into it, but 4 tours in the usa in the span of 2 years is not normal. specially when they're prioritizing that over having a proper asia tour and the likes (AND promoting in korea??). latam tour is practically sold out rn and they're getting no merch or m&g benefits like the usa tour. I don't think doing exclusive things for a specific tour is bad per say, but you have to treat all your fans semi equally at least, specially for a group whose fanbase is majorly international (this will be important later), or it will happen what is happening rn which is ppl will leave the fandom. This is the first latam tour since 2019 (2017 for brazil!)... they've waited a really long time so personally (even tho this doesn't affect me bc I'm european) I feel like it's really disrespectful but wtv, onto other things.

now, speaking of the fanbase being majorly international, if this is the case, you'd think the company would make an effort to stream important events to their fans, like hmm the 7th anniversary concert perhaps? but nop, that didn't get streamed. a repetition of the dumbassery they did in 2022 where they split the concert and the members' solos in 2 days and only streamed one and so intl fans couldn't watch half the solo stages? and don't get me wrong, I think it's important that they have events that are korea only like they have the fansigns etc, but something as major as their 7th anniversary? when they've gotten here thanks to their international fans? that stings a little.

and lastly (maybe), we have dcc's usual lack of promotion during comebacks. fans always paying for ads, intl fans always doing the most for digitals even when it's Not their place (because this is smth that the korean fandom and dcc should be responsible for), fans having to reach out for vendors etc... Justice cb truly has been the culmination of the very worst promotions dcc has done tho and there have been some really bad promotions before... no radio shows, minimum interviews, barely any variety... were there even any ads? usually it's always fans paying out of pocket for ads. it just feels like throwing the members' and the company's work out the window for no good reason? Virtuous is one of their best albums and yet it feels like they just dumped it to go on tour again. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing btw, having short promotions in korea is fine but like... promote for real? give your fandom content that they can watch and rewatch for however long it takes your group to have another cb? specially now that it seems that they're shifting to one album per year (not sure this is their wisest decision tho all things considered), you have to make sure that you promote that album properly? which kinda also goes with like, giving your fandom enough time to save for what you release and put out, specially if you're not trying to grow the fandom anymore. if they're dropping an album then don't announce a tour on top of that, and if they're announcing a tour then don't announce a photobook on top of that, and if they've just released an album then wait longer than a month to announce a photobook, and if they've just dropped a photobook then wait a bit longer until announcing the re print of albums the fans have been begging you for 6 years to re print LOL bc all this does is frustrate fans who can't make that much money in such a short time and it's stupid. like. in 2018 I dropped like 200 euros for like their very first photobook BECAUSE I had time to save that amount from their you and I cb (may) to whenever it was announced (I think it was august), and that was the highest tier (so you could get it for much cheaper) and bc back then it was like. well they barely release anything other than albums, so it's fine (also shipping was sooooooo much cheaper I miss it everyday, ofc this is not their fault tho but anyways).

lastly actually, oh my god. that stupid ass app where fans pay a subscription to message the members privately? has been the fucking worst thing to happen to this fandom and the members imo. if fans weren't respecting their boundaries before, it's even worse now. but it's also like. yeah the members should be reinforcing those boundaries, and I get wanting to at least make a buck of those problematic type of fans but I just don't think it has been good for the members at all. I won't elaborate too much on this because it will genuinely piss me the hell off but bottom line: that app has been hell for everyone genuinely there is no bright side to it other than dcc makes money out of it. and there's better ways to make money :))))))))

anyway this is over 1k words atp and somehow I feel like this all just the tip of the iceberg and I probably have forgotten many things bc tbh in the past year I've just. been trying to make peace with it all and just accept things for what they are because dc have been really special to me for such a long time and I just don't want dcc's decisions to make me throw all of that away (like I almost did). I love their music, I love the members, and so I will continue to celebrate wtv right decisions dcc makes but I'm not going to pretend that they're a good company when it comes to business decisions bc they're really not

[professional-idiots]

AFTERSCHOOL HANAKO KUN CH 27—THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS

1. I love this panel sm 😭 they’re all so cute and it just makes me wish and wish and wish that they could all be normal together

LOOK AT KOU AND HIS FRIENDS IM GONNA CRY!!!

2. AGSKANSK THEYRE SO CUTE AND TEENY

Also Kou’s cardigan looks like Mitsuba’s cardigan and now I need official art of him in it

3. Uh… no comment

4. This is just a Mitsuba appreciation post now

*please note that both of Mitsuba’s hands are visible here…

5. I love so much about this—Yokoo being terrified is actually so real and also LOOK AT KOU LISTENING SO INTENTLY TO HIS BF

6. Okay ngl… I was a little spooked at Mitsubas story… well up till the end

7. Now this is an Aoi appreciation post

8. I WAS SPOOKED WHEN THE SECOND YASHIRO SHOWED UP!!!! SHE STARTS BANGING ON THE DOOR LIKE HELLO?????? ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT

9. Everything about her starting to question her surroundings!!!! Like oh my god????? I had chills!! (Kou looks so cute with his little head tilt)

Edit: how tf did I not realize Kou didn’t have his lame ass earrings on here??!?! Like the head told literally like annunciates it

10. He’s so—

I actually love them so much 😭

11. AGSKANS THEYRE SO CUTE!!!!!!! LOOK AT HIM BLUSHINGGGGG

“The world I love” I know who you’re really talking about Yashiro Nene….

11. My good sir is THINKING about that shit

Okay I actually have a lot of theories for this chapter and it’s not even part of the main story.

So while I was reading it I went through a few different ideas. First I started drawing comparisons to the pilot chapters (Yashiro is in a long sleeved uniform and at first I saw Kou’s cardigan and thought that it was the same from the pilot BUT upon further research the jacket Mitsuba has on is closer to Kou’s original jacket. Which to me could still point to the pilot bc it could just be the old uniform for them but idrk) (and speaking of Mitsuba—like I said before his sweater isn’t over either of his hands…) but Teru being there kind of put a pin in this theory. Also I don’t know if the Mitsuba thing points any fingers to the pilot chapters but it’s just something I noticed and I think it must mean *something*. I also noticed that Aoi’s hair was back to being up which was really weird…

So then I started thinking about what exactly this could mean otherwise. Now, I’ve seen a lot of people calling this a nightmare, but was it?

The next place my mind jumped to was that Hanako wasn’t with them from the beginning and is not mentioned at all till he shows up at the end. Curious.

Sooo what could this meannnnn? Well I don’t think it was a nightmare at all. I think that this is a parallel universe (it’s still weird that in this universe Amane isn’t friends with Yashiro and Kou/is dead but Mitsuba isn’t, but who knows….) and our Yashiro is summoned into this parallel world by the stories her friends are telling. And so she is the doppelgänger as Teru and Natsuhiko say.

I think this is really plausible because Mitsuba’s story is very strange in that it doesn’t end normally and he says that he heard it from a friend of a friend then reiterates that same thing. In a way it almost seems like this really *was* just some real story he’d heard and maybe he’d mistaken it for fiction but it was actually true. And! These other versions of her friends that she’s with don’t recognize her versions of them (as we see with Kou), but really we can see this from the very opening because our Teru would NEVER participate in this normally. Especially not with such enthusiasm. And Hanako showing up and knowing what to do like that is very indicative of him hopping into this universe with her to protect her (like the consequences of the doppelgänger are real) (and obviously this is within Hanako’s power). Then when we cut back to the real world/the original universe Yashiro doesn’t tell us that she’d been sleeping, just that suddenly she found herself in the classroom. AND when she’s talking to Hanako later he doesn’t say he *didn’t* help her, he says “who knows” and I feel like that’s a classic Hanako deflection line!!! Meaning that he DID help her!!!!!!

Anywayyyyy I really liked this chapter. Like I feel like the afterschool chapters don’t normally feel so lore-heavy…. Part of me wants this to come back somehow. Like maybe later in the main series they travel between parallel universes for whatever reason (maybe that’s what it is when Yashiro sees past Amane—though I hope not because I really want that to have actually happened in Amane’s life in our timeline)

EDIT: OH MY GOD OH MY FUCKING GOD KOU DOESNT HAVE HIS EARRING IN!!!! HE DOESNT WEAR IT HERE!!!!!!!! THIS IS CRAZY ACTUALLY JESUS 😭 (I wonder if this can somehow be linked to Mitsuba being alive… cause traffic safety and whatnot… hmmmmm) (like he still has an earring but it’s not the traffic safety one arghhhhhhgg!!!!)

EDIT EDIT: I WENT BACK TO TRY AND FIGURE OUT WHY I DIDNT NOTICE AT FIRST AND ITS ALMOST LIKE ITS BEING HIDDEN TILL THE HEAD TILT PAGE!!!! THERES ALWAYS LIKE A SPEECH BUBBLE IN THE WAY OR LIKE YOKOOS HEAD OR SMTH!!! OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHM—

Edit edit edit: I’m Stan and I was wrong. I’m singing the Stan wrong song. I shouldn’t have taken that chance. Now here’s my remorseful dance. (Translation: even though it can’t be seen in most panels and that does feel kind of purposeful to me still, there are like two or three panels where his right ear is in clear view)

[ninjagrace]

what’s ur favorite scenario to dream about with mtsk and death (kou dying, specifically)

YOU. YOU GET ME.

i’m gonna start this off with saying that kou minamoto is literally my favorite character ever so don’t think i’m doing this because i hate him i just think about him way too much and this is where i end up after thinking for too long

i have SO MUCH to say about this but i’m gonna throw it under the cut bc i don’t wanna catch ppl off guard with my insane bullshit

if ur reading this and u get upset it’s ur own fault /hj

alright SO

first off kou definitely should’ve died during the pp arc just for shits and giggles. it would’ve been like a “what the fuck just happened” for every character and the whole fandom and the chaos that would’ve ensued from the death of a major character would’ve been absolutely WILD- like bitch just killed himself. he straight up committed suicide. there’s no way of rephrasing that bc that’s what he did. it would’ve been a plot-shattering moment and really just heartbreaking and awful and aidairo could’ve done so much with it.

for one, mitsuba would’ve been very Not Ok because he would’ve blamed himself for kou dying and he’d definitely try to gaslight himself into believing kou was still alive- that would not work btw he’d just be in insane denial

anyway imma move on from that arc even though i could go into it so much deeper and focus on things that i could see happening just to make the story hella interesting (i’ve been very tempted to write a fic about this so beware)

i think the most likely ways kou would die would either be suicide or being killed by tsukasa. we’ve already seen him attempt to kill himself, thwarted by mitsuba then brushed aside for some reason, and i’m about to do a full ass analysis on why tsukasa should murder our boy :3

reiterating that I LOVE KOU MINAMOTO WITH MY WHOLE HEART HES PERFECT

okay so tsukasa. hes a silly guy. one of his main traits is he loves to fuck with people, right? right yeah whatever get to the point IM WORKING ON IT ok sorry anyway he’s silly right. he thrives off fucking people up as much as possible. since he knows fucking everything i’m gonna assume he knows how important kou is to mitsuba and, given the fact that it’s so easy to fuck with mitsuba, he’d know that messing with kou in some way would make the biggest impact. every way he messes up mitsuba’s (after)life doesn’t emotionally impact him for too long, given the fact that he and kou with it out every time. but what happens when we take out the support system? that’s what we wanna know.

so ofc tsukasa feels all silly goofy and takes out kou just for funzies. mitsuba is absolutely fucking destroyed in every way. he blames himself, duh. this splits off into 2 possible scenarios that i’ve created lol.

possibility one: mitsuba stays in his boundary for god knows how long, refusing to talk to anyone. eventually he goes to shijima, begging for a replacement kou. even if hes fake, it’s better than nothing, right? shijima understood his grief, in a way. so, she gave in. boom. kou copy. the rest was none of her business.

kou copy only knows what shijima knows about him, so let’s go with everything up until the end of the picture perfect arc. he has no idea about anything after, including the aquarium date, the far shore incident, and the supernaturals being banished from the near shore in the first place, and it’s fine that way. …right? well, that means he also doesn’t know that he’s supposed to be dead.

he keeps asking mitsuba when he can leave the boundary and go home, when he can go see senpai, when he can see his brother, and he’s very upset. mitsuba has no idea what to do. he was overjoyed to have his crush best friend back that he didn’t even think of what would happen after… he couldn’t let kou out of the boundary. that was out of the question. keeping kou here would make him miserable and make him hate mitsuba. so at this point they’re stuck in a cycle of shouting matches of wether or not kou is allowed to leave, periods of silence, and occasional truces because they both need someone to keep them sane, and who else can do it but each other?

possibly 2: supernaturals are a thing in this world, so why can’t kou be one too? even though tsukasa is the one who killed kou in the first place, mitsuba begs him to bring kou back, to make kou a supernatural just like mitsuba. mitsuba knows what being a supernatural feels like. he knows that just letting kou go would be so much better for the dumb blonde boy. he knows that kou deserves better than to be forced to live in a world that doesn’t want him anymore. but mitsuba is selfish. so tsukasa makes kou into a supernatural. for funzies, you know? he’d never worked with a human corpse before, so why not try out making one into a supernatural?

the process of making a supernatural is… messy. mitsuba now knows this, as he couldn’t look away from his boyfriend being made into one. it was horrific. i’m not gonna delve into it because i really don’t wanna think about that i’m so sorry my poor baby

just like with mitsuba, tsukasa didn’t have kou’s actual soul to work with, just supernatural parts and kou’s body. it was simply an animated puppet that looked like kou minamoto. “it’s fine,” mitsuba said, “it’s okay, he’s back, that what matters, right?” “it’ll be fine, right minamoto?” and as he looks to kou for support, all he gets in response is a blank look. he realizes, after staring in horror at the jagged scar on kou’s neck, that his vocal chords are absolutely fucked up beyond repair. he’d never hear kou’s voice again.

thanks for reading and i’m so sorry <3

[golbrocklovely]

people on twitter are being so loud about things that aren’t correct.

1. people are saying that k and kat were friends up until k and sam got together but that’s not true. a shocking amount of people think that. kat was “friends” and i say that loosely because they were never close friends, with singer girl not k.

2. people are still going off on colby because of the poem mlp posted. they’re saying that colby always pretends to date these girls like mlp, stas, and amber. also not true. the only one of those girls that he genuinely pretended to date was amber for the video they did together. he did not pretend to date mlp. they all just played into what she was feeding them behind the scenes. same thing with stas, they were never more than friends but they let themselves get convinced by her that they were together. if any of those girls are hurting it’s because they did it to themselves. im so over that damn app lol.

and you’re right with the k live making fun of kat situation. it could be about singer girl (i forget what you guys call her haha) but because people are so mad at sam moving on they want her to be evil so bad. and people are already coming out saying “i never trusted those girls anyway” 🙂 laugh out loud. first of all, m has nothing to do with if k was making fun of kat on live bc she wasn’t live with her it was a different friend. and second of all, if every single time that snc has a girl around you have to say you had a bad feeling about them maybe you should look inward. maybe you should do some soul searching because there’s a pattern there that is toxic as hell. not every girl around snc is out to get them.

sorry this is so long i’m just so over this year and it’s literally only mid january😄 i never knew so much could happen in such a short time

honestly anon, you are absolutely right and i agree with you a million percent.

1. kat and k were never friends. i don’t even think they followed one another at any point. the only way they knew each other was bc of ms singer and kat being on the same label. but none of them were close or really even friends, besides k and ms singer.

and as we know now, k didn’t really even make fun of kat. fans were jumping to conclusions because they don’t like that sam has moved on to k, and colby has moved onto m, and so they take it out on the girls. i mean, they also take it out on colby because sam never does anything wrong and he’s the golden child but you know… same difference lol

2. this argument is one i don’t understand truthfully. even him and amber barely pretended to date. they teased the fandom like twice and that was it. they constantly reiterated that they were just flirty friends.

when it comes to mlp and stas… i could literally fist fight someone over the shit that was said lol jk

mlp has been airing out colby’s shit for the past two weeks bc he rejected her, finally. and ppl are trying to paint her like she is some innocent victim that got played by the evil colby brock. and look, i get that being rejected can suck and not having your feelings reciprocated hurts deeply. i know those feelings very well. but she claims that they were each others’ rocks, that they relied on each other for support and always came running to one another when things got tough. but now she’s casually telling fans in her live streams that colby has had multiple mid life crisis and he has secrets she can’t talk about. and then in her poems, which all have basically been confirmed to be about him, she talks about him having a darkness in him and that his shadows keep them apart and she was the light he needed and it’s just like………. for the longest time, my issue with her is that she has never been satisfied with just having colby as a friend. that she always needed more. but in the time frame of trying to get to that other side, they grew a deep bond. but now, bc she’s hurt, she’s just saying everything he told her. and that’s just disgusting behavior to me. you want to talk about the pain you’re in? that’s fine. but to air out shit he’s never even told us?? how fucked in the head are you to think that’s what one person should do to another? especially someone you called your twin soul? your rock? not to mention, but you’ve made it seem like he needs to be fixed and you’re the one to do it…

if he does have something dark inside of him, which to me just reads as her saying depression, you’re absolutely fucked in the head if you think someone like that needs fixing. especially by a horse girl like yourself. you still act like a high schooler and you’re 30. how about you get your shit together first, kiddo.

and then with stas, that shit just never happened lol she did the same thing as mlp: tried to plant seeds in the fandom that something else was going on with them. liked comments shipping the two of them, constantly answered questions about him. she did what mlp did but in a shorter time frame. and when malishkagate happened, and fans started congratulating the two of them for finally being together (even tho it’s very obvious that she took his phone after he filmed her and wrote “malishka” as the caption since clearly that man doesn’t know russian), that was the beginning of the end for anything they *could* have had. and then she went on her subscription service after they came home from europe and hung out with colby and friends one more time, only to tell her fans that she was going on a date and then posted colby. so… no wonder that man iced her out. i would too if you were going around and bragging to friends that you got posted on my snapchat 👀

also what i find the most annoying is that there are some fans that blame the downfall of the core four as colby’s doing……… as if a major component of the core four wasn’t a LITERAL couple that broke up. like bffr. and wasn’t stas literally complaining about being abandoned during one of kat’s streams and when she was asked about it, she just kept ignoring anything that had to do with stas?

but i guess that’s none of my business….

[booksandpaperss]

some ramble-y thoughts on men's social isolation and women's safety bc this has been on my mind for a bit

I do think it's really sad how men end up feeling so isolated bc of various social expectations as well as people being cruel, but as a fem presenting person I have to say that you can't just expect women and anyone who is fem presenting to just "start being nicer". ive seen a few posts on Tumblr essentially stating that but I have to reiterate it is about safety. I literally cannot afford to stop looking at men with caution and assumed violence until I get to know them really well bc if I stop that could genuinely cost me me life. its true that most men I see probably are not predators and im sure it hurts to be perceived that way, but I have no way of being able to tell who is and isn't going to harm me. I have to assume the worst because it is the only way I can stay safe.

it sucks, it really does, for all parties involved. I have so much sympathy for the men who are genuinely kind and would never hurt me that feel isolated, it isn't fair, and I myself certainly don't enjoy the *necessary* fear that the random guy im passing on the street could see me and decide to hurt me, but this is the reality of the world. there is no easy solution, but what certainly isn't a solution is expecting women to start being kinder to men they dont know because once again: that could genuinely cost someone their life.

The best solution right now I think is to continue to try to deconstruct misogyny and gender roles, and that takes time, patience, and understanding.

I have also seen the notion on here that men feeling isolated socially is misandry, but the reality is that misandry is simply not real on a systemic scale. men feeling isolated is a direct result of the patriarchy and a side affect of misogyny. a lot of things on this website that are perceived as misandry are either not real problems or they are but they're just the impacts of misogyny and the gender roles that come with it.

But it is very surreal to be walking alone at night, clutching my pepper spray and glaring whenever a man I don't know is near me, making sure to stay next to the street and make it obvious I know exactly where I'm going and still feeling the fear that it might not be enough and something horrible could happen to me anyway, only come back to Tumblr and see people saying misandry is just as prevalent as misogyny and women need to start considering how it feels for men to be looked at like they're predators. Touch grass seems like an applicable statement here.

oh and obligatory piss on the poor tumblr disclaimer: I know I am using binary terms so before any of you get on your high horse about it, I myself am non binary. I am not actually a woman, but I certainly look like one and therefore deal with misogyny. I fully understand that trans men and genderqueers of all kinds as well as even feminine cis men also fear for their life on the street so dont even think abt getting on my ass about that. oh and if any of you try to call this a terf post consider yourself blocked with a recommendation to get a refresh on what terf actually means instead of just throwing around the term when you see any post trying to talk about misogyny :D

final disclaimer bc I wanna cover all my bases due to Tumblr reading comprehension: im aware topics like this are very nuanced with lots of layers, please dont act like im obligated to cover all that in a random Tumblr post of all things, I cannot possibly cover everything nor am I obligated to. I simply wanted to remind ppl that actual lives are at risk and fem presenting people constantly and regularly fear for their life bc I feel like that gets left out a lot in conversations like this on here. <3

[terraliensvent]

I agree abt the white knighting. u and some anons r quick to criticize the language ppl in terras use but when asked to introspect abt it urself, u refuse cause it’s ur blog ur opinion ur rules. that’s hypocrisy to me. i aint burying my head in the sand like u say, this is a genuine criticism and if u r gonna ignore it then I think that’s petty. all ur being asked is to look back and try to understand where anons r coming from, u call some ppl white knights and meat riders for bringing up valid concerns even if they also agree terras r bad. U don’t just do it on posts where ppl actually are white knighting.

alright lets dissect every recent post i have called whiteknighting

Post 1

“Oh yeah. A villain bc they revoked the right to THEIR OWN WORK... Whatever shall the world do? However shall we survive the fact coy didn't want them using THEIR WORK after going back on a deal”

hey look speaking of whiteknights

youre missing the forest for the trees here, terra staff was completely willing to remove coys assets but they wanted to act like a toddler stomping their foot shouting “NOW NOW NOW” that they broke in to the site and vandalized it. but sure, your immature petty pos idol can do no wrong

what about this is ignoring?

their argument: “coy is not a villain for wanting their art taken down”

my argument: “nobody said that, cal was perfectly fine taking the artwork down, they just said they cant do it in a heartbeat. coy is in the wrong for breaking in to the site and doing it themself with no consideration for how it will affect the species.”

Post 2

“It's so funny how obsessed y'all are with coy and civ... Get over it bro”

wow its almost like… their actions have a direct consequence on the species…whoooaa

Their argument: “why do you guys care about this”

my argument: “because people have put time and effort into this species, cal and his new team are trying to pick up the pieces and have gone a lot further than ever before with coy and civ at the head. coy being a dipshit has a direct affect on how the species will operate, specifically in this situation by taking away all the old pet species which people may have cared about and wanted to make characters out of.”

Post 3

“You mean.... The site THEY MADE? oh noo, how dare they remove their art from the site them and their partner made... Boohoo.... Boo boohoo.... Stan petty Coy”

come in my inbox again with these room temperature iq takes and im blocking you. they barely did shit for the species and you know that, and coy themself admitted they never had anything to do with the site they just wanted to make their dumbass plain white dog adopts to rake in cash while doing no extra work to put the pieces together

repeating: cal and staff were PERFECTLY FINE taking off all of civ and coys assets, however you cant fucking do that with the snap of a finger. i know this must be incredibly difficult for you coy supporters out there but lets TRY to use our brains for a min

their argument: (ignores my counterpoint from Post 1) well THEY made the site initially. i dont care im still gonna stan coy.”

my argument: “oh ok cool, i can see you are not actually willing to engage with the argument and just want to be inflammatory, and i dont feel like dealing with you if you arent going to use critical thinking. (reiterating my point from post 1)

for this post in particular, i would also like to add that in the transferring of species ownership, there are cetrain things that can be assumed to change ownership along with the transfer. (this is not the first time a species has ever been transferred in ownership). for one, the site. obviously thats needed for species functions so it now belongs to cal. another is NPCs, other species when transferred will give the NPCs to relevant staff because they are an integral part of species function. in this specific instance, the pets, since they were never a part of the original agreement they are assumed to move ownership as well. coy can make the argument they want their art taken down, thats perfectly fine, they could even say they want their designs taken down, but again, the problem is that this is not something that can just be done at the drop of a hat. you need to find replacements and create new assets. breaking in to the site and vandalizing it because you wanted to be a bitch baby and have no patience is immature and wrong. the site has changed ownership. you do not have agency over it anymore, you dont get to go in and delete things without asking.

lets compare this to an oc you trade on toyhouse. lets say you own this OC for a year, and you have drawn a good amount of art for it. then you trade it away, boop, gone, not yours anymore. lets say later on you dont want your art featured on that OC’s page. problem is, that art you drew is embedded within the character’s profile code. you have the full right to delete the art, but you cant just break into the OC’s profile code and fuck around with it yourself. you have to ask the new owner to take it down, and they say of course, but youll have to be patient so they can redraw a new asset for the code.

granted, this example falls short in some ways, but you get what im trying to say

anyways, the point is that if youre going to refuse to engage with the argument then im not going to engage with you. i truly do not understand why you guys are ride or die-ing for these shitty posts that have absolutely no substance

[autogynocrat]

going on anon instead of commenting because im closeted but abt the they/them degendering post. ur very correct but you also imply that trans men dont share this experience. i am a trans man and have also experienced they them degendering. im not trying to be rude, correct you, or disuade the conversation from acknowledging trans women. im also not denying it if you are trying to say that this is a WORSE issue for trans women - because it could be, i wouldn't know. i just think it does a disservice to the conversation to act like degendering is a phenomenon specific only to women. ignore this if that was just a vent post and you wherent actually trying to start a discussion, im sorry for bothering you if so. to reiterate this isn't meant to be a "making this about me" thing, it's just that ur post says directly that only trans women experience this, and that isn't true in my personal experience so I just wanted to say that bc i think that separating trans men & women from eachother TOO much in these sorta discussions can be detrimental to progress because it can create a divide that pits us against each other when truthfully we are in the same boat, even if many of our experiences differ. idk if uve maybe had an experience where a trans men invalidated u for this, and that's why u said only trans women ever get it. if that's the case it's really unfortunate- people should listen to others when they share their experiences. but it likely means that person just hasnt had that happen to him or dosent perceive it as an issue (i feel like most trans ppl would be bothered by it, but everybody's different). im sorry that people aren't respecting ur pronouns, i hope that things get better for you!

yes i think i have clarified my position after reading the tags and also reddit people accusing me of thinking trans men are oppressing me(????) its not that i dont think it happens to transmascs its that in my experience when a trans woman gets a punitive they(often during a bit dramatic internet event where she's being trial by fire'd), if she or other transfems point out that people are taking away her gender as a punishment, in my experience and observations more often than not she will be told she's crazy even by a lot of people within the community. im not saying it can't happen to transmascs im saying when it happens to transfems being dogpiled or punished nobody seems to care or notice bc its "neutral". people on tumblr have been way more chill with this and seem to understand my point but on reddit and Twitter and other spaces i see this happen a lot

basically what i was trying to vent about wasn't saying "this never happens to anyone else transmascs totally always get their gender respected" but "when this happens to trans women, we seem to be the only ones who notice it is happening to us, and people will call us crazy for noticing" that's what i meant by invisible. i don't think im erasing or denying trans mascs by saying that, i dont talk about transmasc bc i don't have life experience as one, i just have experience knowing that when this specific thing happens to trans women we get told by people of every background that it didn't happen.

hopefully this clarifies it better i dont know how much better i can say it im not making universal dogmatic statements im making experiential ones ones people keep assuming bad things about me for this post and it's frustrating

[5eraphim]

(Feel free to ignore this if you don't want to share, but I'm so curious!) What the HELL was that phantom of the opera fic about that made someone write an entire essay about 😭😭?

(while i'm alright mentioning that one time someone linked me a google drive multi-page document that was critical of a 5k word phantom of the opera x reader insert i wrote when i was 16, (i think i delete the original post for some reason? but i still have the SRB vers. with an extra note) bc like i said, i didn't read the doc bc even as a dumbass teenager, i knew if i tried to be fair and read the doc i'd just upset myself, and realistically learn nothing (and this whole event is extremally funny 7 years later) i would also like to reiterate, people who were in creative spaces online around the early-mid/late-mid 2010s know how freakishly normal it was to see grown ass adults compiling random ocs and fanarts and making lengthy videos railing on them for the sake of "constructive criticism" (i watch those videos too, i'm not saying i didn't participate/or that i'm above this or whatever) but it was really just so needlessly meanspirited, and made fandom-spaces, like y'know, hobby spaces so lame.)

ANYWAYS- i don't remember what exactly i wrote (bc thank GOD everything i wrote before this account has basically been lost to the sands of time, and i'd rather run into a burning building than try to find my old stuff and be face-to-face with whatever the hell i was writing back then)

but from what i remember the plot was basically phantom watching reader sleep and just having a big dramatic monologue about it. and also i'm pretty sure thought about cutting her head off in her sleep? like i remember vaguely writing a tangent while he was wondering how hard it would be to cut through the cervical vertebra that was like, "if you gave me the chance to pluck the bones from your neck, i'd cherish holding them with my bare hands. i wish i could cradle every little piece of you like that"

that's honestly the one part i really remember, it was like that and a lot of "i'm such a monster, how could she stomach sharing a bed" and other such emo, incel-y ramblings. i think i just wanted to write something about sharing a bed with a girl and wanting to rub my grubby undeserving hands through her hair and kiss her neck and shoulders. (and the fact it took me over a year later to realize i was bi, makes this so much funnier to me)

it was that sentiment but with much edgier, very chuck palahniuk-pilled prose.

(i'm not saying i didn't DESERVE an essay-length take down of what i wrote, i'm saying im just glad i didn't read it)

[schizosupport]

Do you maybe have some pointers or search term for the following? Thanks!

I met someone over easter, we spend a lot of time together on a boardgame retreat(idk how to call it) and even flirted a bit. We chatted a bit and a week after easter we talked on the phone for 3h. Now, barely another week later, he barely feels real. If I hadnt booked train tickets to visit him in June, Id be fine with never having contact to him again and probably would rarely think about him.

Doesnt help that we are usually both pretty busy people but Im currently between jobs and enjoy my freetime mostly at home alone.

This is just one illustrating situation. Everything seems to fade much more quickly than its supposed to, unless I make a huge effort to keep people in my mind and meet them regularly.

Also, the memories of that weekend are already dulled and I knew I enjoyed it but cant really recall the joy. Its like I remember more facts than emotions.

Hmm I'm not sure if I can think of something specific at this moment (to be fair I'm procrastinating from sleeping in the middle of the night after taking my sleepy drugs so that's not too say that there isn't a good term out there).

But I kind of feel you on this, and I think many people do. Like there can be these relatively intense encounters that exist in a certain time and space. And in the moment you may have every intention and feeling due to the current intensity of connection, that it needs to last. I think unless you are feeling lonely, it doesn't need to be a bad tendency.

I do think it can be worth it to reiterate to yourself stuff like "no i really did have fun at the event" and "i really did enjoy connecting with that person". Bc when you operate in this way, at least for me, it can become very hard to motivate myself to go anywhere and do anything. Bc I don't remember that it was fun or joyful.

I'm not sure about terms - I'm thinking that with depression for example it's been proven that clinical depression is associated with a marked tendency to remember mostly negative events strongly, and for memories of good times to fade quicker. So there could be a bunch of cognitive biases involved, especially so if you find that the tendency to fade is stronger whenever it's about something actually nice.

I can't think of a good term because it might not be a 'psychiatric symptom' and might be more of a psychological tendency that can't be easily encompassed by one word, but which it might be helpful to explore in therapy if given the chance.

In any case I hope this answer finds you well!

[lenteur]

HIIIII OMG OMG OMG YOUR REBLOG WAS THE CUTEST THING EVER ❤️ i saw it this morning when i woke up to feed the cats and it made me smile SO WIDE <3 CAT PHOTO IS AT THE BOTTOM 🖤

please whenever you feel the need, just sleep <3 even if it's the middle of the day. try not to stay awake just to sleep at night 💔 i really hope you feel better ❤️

i honestly think idols can pull off the colour pink so well, wish i could dye mine pink but i only suit darker colours of....colours 😂

ikr <3 though i started watching 911 again and i was up til 4am watching it 👀 i know one of the main actresses of glee was revealed to be a bully behind scenes which idk didn't surprise me tbh. i used to love her as an actress but her interviews felt so off to me </3 i really hate bullies 😡😡😡

IM SO SO HAPPY YOU LOVED IT <3 i was actually really struggling with your gift because i was seeing other peoples and i felt like mine wasn't great but then i remembered you saying how the gift was us getting to know each other and that you'd be happy with anything 🖤 i'm really happy you like it <3

BESTIES 4 LYF ❤️ also!!!! tea and biscuits. my favourite snack <3 i'm gonna hopefully start watching a kdrama on friday, bc from then to tuesday, i'm off work so i'll have some time to relax 🥰

i was waiting for you to reply before i posted the gift, i didn't want to post it and then i had to let you reply to an anon. 🖤 you've been so so so kind to me and i just love you already ❤️ i'm so EXCITED to talk more!! 💎

Toffee on the left! Luna on the right ❤️

hey hey hey 💖 of course! it was a great surprise to finally know who you are 💗 now that i've looked at your blog, i can see all the little clues you left during our conversations. especially the wednesday and criminal minds stuff haha

tysm for thinking of me 💕 i am trying my best at taking care of myself but thankfully my mom is with me and she's such a huge help 💝

ah staying up until 4am to watch something reminds me of my teenage years 👀 even if i wanted to i wouldn't be able to do so now </3 which is a good thing hehe oh really? 😡 i mean i'm not surprised either but i'm getting tired of all these celebrities thinking they're better than others. it happens everywhere but, when in a group (ie a show, a group of singers, etc.), there always seems to be one who wants the spotlight to themselves. it's getting repetitive 💔 i already have a hard time getting into a show, but seeing stuff like that, it's no wonder i don't want to watch new shows anymore. i don't have time for drama. i just want to enjoy what i watch in peace, but this makes it hard sigh

i know i wrote a novel in the tags but it's really really pretty 💟 the fact that you took time out of your day to make something for me means a lot. you'll never have to worry about something like that with me 💖 and let me reiterate: our friendship is the true gift 💘

oh if you start the kdrama (or is it a jdrama? cdrama? tdrama?) please let me know which one it is 💓 i'm hoping i can start watching summer strike either tomorrow or this weekend because the premise (and all the gifs i've seen) is really interesting and i think i'll like it 💞

i had a feeling you were waiting for me to answer. i also wanted to answer the last anon message before you revealed yourself or else it would've stayed in my inbox forever hehe💕

OK. okok! i was waiting to answer the rest of your ask before talking more in depth about my new cats toffee and luna (yes, by revealing your cats to me, you are now contractually obligated to share custody of your pets i'm not kidding! jk) UM EXCUSE ME? YOU SHOULD'VE TOLD ME YOU HAD THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CATS IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!! like they're so pretty they could be on the cover of vogue, elle, harper's bazaar, any other magazines (my fashion knowledge is limited lmao) 😻 if your friendship wasn't enough (which it is), seeing toffee and luna made this event 124877523368751222222565457426545214852485x better (won't bother deciphering this number but just know it's a lot!) wowowowooooooooooooooooooooooooooowowowowowowowowow! user lenteur is currently disfunctioning </3 cause? (Y)OUR CATS 😻😻😻

[cquackity]

sorry for bringing it up again when its over and feel free to answer privately/ignore me, i just wanted to explain why i find the eret stuff upsetting. i think its fair to think c!eret didnt need an apology from wilbur; thats just not the entire picture of what eret fans see when people go after her for that stream so we might be a little defensive.

i think to me the issue is that c & cc!eret crit cant be separated-- after the apology stream i literally couldnt be on here because people were being so awful about eret and consistently c!eret neg is tied in with people being assholes to the cc. also to me it reads as disrespectful to place all the blame for disliking that stream on eret when wilbur was on that stream, participated, and co-wrote that lore. i have never once had to avoid the dash due to cc!wilbur neg the way i have for eret, and thats pretty telling. not that ccwilbur deserves that, just that its interesting how bad eret gets it in comparison. even the post-utah stream didnt make me as upset as the way people talked about eret did and i am by far more of a wilburian than anything else.

to me, the apology was more for cc!eret for how poorly shes been treated for the last two years and because the fandom treats wilbur (c and cc) like the ultimate moral & narrative arbiter (despite the fact that a key element of his character is being an unreliable narrator); only his apology would make people actually think about how badly eret has been treated. and then it all backfired and everyone was so heinous about it that it was genuinely painful to be on here as a wilbur and eret enjoyer.

besides that meta element i genuinely liked that stream and felt like cwilbur did need a knock in the right direction, as i felt much of the apology tour was an empty gesture that externalized his need for self-forgiveness. not that he deserved to feel guilty or that his apologies were hollow, just that he wasnt going about his efforts to forgive himself in a healthy way, and hearing from someone who already got through it was super helpful.

im sorry folks sent you awful asks (and im also sorry for vagueing, i just couldnt figure out how to lay out my own feelings) but to me it feels really hurtful to see people shit on eret, c or cc, bc shes worked so hard and was the key to a really core moment on the server and gets very little recognition for it from other ccs (constantly being shut out of lore) and from the fandom.

sorry if this is a jumbled mess feel free to ignore it i just wanted to explain a little bit

hello bell! thank you for explaining i genuinely do appreciate your point of view! there is a reason i didn't unfollow you for vauging me lul, i find you to be a reasonable person who has reasonable standpoints on things. but like this goes for everybody who sees this: if you have an issue with me, just send me an ask like this! or a dm. or whatever. i'd also like to think i'm a pretty reasonable guy. i'm also pretty sure i tagged that post with the proper tags to be filtered too? at least i hope i did 💀

first off i'd again like to reiterate that i have literally nothing against cc!eret. i never mentioned cc!eret in my post, i have never posted cc!eret neg before, and the only point i made was that i don't believe c!eret deserved an apology from c!wilbur. i had more good things to say about c!eret in that post than negative. what other people are saying, that's not what i'm saying. i think it's unfair to group me in with people who have/are posting cc!eret neg. at the end of the day even if that's what you've seen that's not what i was talking about in the slightest. regardless of what content creator made the decision to have c!wilbur apologize i think it's a bad one. i stand by that.

nor do i think that it's entirely fair to treat that stream as some sort of meta on the cc!s lives instead of the characters. i've just never thought about that stream like that before, and it doesn't really make sense to me to do so. if either cc!wilbur or cc!eret have alluded to the apology being more for cc!eret i would be open to seeing a clip like that

i also disagree with c!wilbur needing to be "knocked in the right direction" mostly because i think there's several other more compelling turning points for his character post-revival, but i do respect c!eret fans wanting to enjoy a moment between the two of them.

tldr; i wasn't talking about cc!eret at all, and it's unfair to take my words that way when it was never the intention, and not separate them from their original meaning. please separate my discussion of the c!s and the cc!s

[infraaa]

okay I’m sorry now I’m officially returning.

Hiatus for mental health, I didn’t expect it maybe you did. I’m going through a lot of shit rn and I just lost two of my best moots bc they wanted to be petty abt my content. That’s why this post is being made.

So I want to remind all that view me that my blog does contain NSFW/R18 work. I have seen other creators get blasted for content before and I just wanna say that I will not be facing that because this post will stop that from happening if people choose to read it.

Edit! 『26.01.22』

So, if you are against NSFW content, or NSFW content creators in general, just know that my blog also contains SFW content. I don’t just write NSFW, so please don’t let that stop you from interacting with me. If it make you feel more comfortable, I will even give you the tag I have in every NSFW post:

#infra@212!

This tag, again, is on all of my NSFW work. If you’re interested in my content but don’t want to view my NSFW content on your feed, simply filter the tag below in your general settings. Tumblr will filter the tag from your view so that you don’t have to see any post with that tag specifically.

I am not responsible for you.

If you choose to read my work, that’s your choice that you made on your own behalf, I am not at liberty to protect you. I’m not your mother, I’m not going to gatekeep my content. I use trigger warnings. Content warnings. Page breaks. I even have separators to indicate such. I have a tag for work like that and it’s #infra@212! I do everything I can think of to ensure the safety of my blog and as such, with those safety blankets laid out, you know damn well that you’re getting into. Don’t cry to me if you don’t like my work because its potentially NSFW, you saw it coming when you clicked “read more,” to dismiss the page break. By that action you acknowledge trigger warnings and that like, and I am not responsible for anyone having an episode. They’re there for a reason, the tw’s are. Leave if you feel uncomfy.

This is my blog. I do as I please with it.

As a creator I deserve the right to publish whatever I please so long as it isn’t problematic. Do not try to steer control of my blog. If I choose to not write something I don’t have to, and I don’t have to explain myself either. I’m grown, I don’t need to explain myself anyway. I write what I want to, when it strikes me. Requests and inspo, commissions and comments are so welcome, I love it when my followers communicate with me, but please do not attempt to steer my blog. Also I wanna reiterate that taking my work is strictly prohibited and anything with my watermark that looks like this is mine. If I find any reposts of my work I will file a DMCA against you. You have been warned.

If you don’t like my content, get the fuck out. Plain and simple. I’m being very nice about this, and I want to make this disclaimer known. Thanks for keeping up with my content and I’m sorry for my stupid death. Im back now, polished and reloaded. ❤️