#people just treat it like terrible generic garbage. shut the fuck up

[lonesomedotmp3]

I understand disliking someone else taking your artistic baby and running off with it but at the same time wes craven's superiority complex about nightmare on elm street irritates the shit out of me. you didn't even come up with the dream warriors man cool down

[goddamnwebcomics]

Reply

Yeah. It's basically why I'm thinking of lessening my inputs in some art communities. So many of the people in Discord alone are very touchy when it comes to receiving criticism over webcomics and even art. 

The last server I was on banned me for basically talking about how the owner of a server's art piece would probably improve if they go back and finish it. All I got was a response that amounted to "shut the fuck up! Let the artist do what they want" with the artist/owner pointing up to it in agreement when they were the ones who asked for an opinion. Always treating me like I'm a negative user and a whale (basically meaning a person who consumes a lot of media and treating it like it's a part of the conversation). 

Generally speaking, webcomic servers are just terrible places. Like all of them just run on echo chamber energy. Sure you can say that about social media sites, but forums and especially Discord servers have it worse to me. Like the times I keep getting vague answers on comics that seemingly have no directions and all the artist does it post sarcastically smug emojis over the questions while saying things like "that's an interesting idea" or "Ooo! Maybe. Guess you got to keep reading". No real engagement. Just garbage responses.

Or one time when I tried to ask a simple question about a flaw in a character or even story that I didn't like how it was written, and the author spent time divulging their character's bio and how story writing works without actually engaging with me and answering what I just asked. Acting like I didn't read or understood the story/intentions. You know, before blocking me on almost all accounts. Furaffinity, Twitter, Tumblr, ect. ect. Just a waste of time, especially mine.

That's one of the things you're wrong about, GW dude. It doesn't matter if they're a big shot or not. As long as an artist/person has AN AUDIENCE they're all the same. Just borderline insecure and most times arrogant people who really have a specific audience in mind that will take the good and the bad, not say anything about either, and put users down if they didn't like what they said.

That is unfortunate and irritating to hear and I don't know if it's the internet that caused this or does popularity really go into people's heads. This reminds me of the anon who came here like a month ago to tell me to critique Marvel movies instead of webcomics. I think they might have been a webcomic artist who comes from that exact mindset. These people also need an example of what a negative person is. Go on Twitter, and I am not naming names but certain users who spend their whole timeline shitting on shit. Those people give me the idea they are very hard to be around. Likely nicest thing they can say about something is "looks like shit lmao". I know you've critiqued me as well and I don't get the idea you're inherently a negative person. I do take everything you say to heart and if I say something stupid you're not afraid of saying it to my face. You don't go on twitter or some grassy forum to crop my statement and go "THIS PERSON IS CLUELESS! FUCK HIM!". That's being a dick. I guess the inability to handle criticism is just something that's very common in indie scene, like gaining an audience is the worst possible thing that could happen to you as a creator. I don't think you should give up. Webcomics already have a ruined reputation and it's not the fault of webcomic critics but the webcomic creators for being so shallow, self-centered and pardon my french, fucking delusional.

[beardedmrbean]

Hey Huey zoomer, I had to get my meds. About the mess that is my generation

Tbh well…look how late Gen x and millenials in media act like? Hello the society of magic negroes?

“The most dangerous animal on the planet is white people!”- well does the Jews run the world too?

And not a funny joke, especially since the movie said that a black guy wanting to get with a white girl is going to destroy their magic

Isn’t that what the term, ESPECIALLY racist?

Also the Velma show, Mindeyyyy, yes there a lot of rich annoying white boys. We can check wiki and found out that you are from a white collar family

Also your ass is handling one of the most famous kids cartoon in history

That privilege right there

But back to “royal zoomers” i remember a screenshot pointing out that a lot of people were tolerated and not raised. They were thrown in front of the tv

And this happens to my generation, for some goddamn reason a lot of Gen x decided to throw the tablets at their kids to shut them up and not raised

And who they got their personalities from? Toxic millennials and Gen x who think white men are the root of all evil and such.

So when you have zoomers thinking that millennials and Gen x who still have unresolved parental issues into their goddamn late 20’s-40’s controlling media

WE HAD A FUCKING MOVIE LIONIZING THE DAHOMEY

Yeah my generation need to be held responsible for their actions…but they are told by Gen x and millennials who treated fictional characters like real people and real people like shit. That their shitty behavior is a okay

I’m an autistic abuser survivor that was abused by my white stepmom. And even at 13 I knew racism against white people was bad.

Oh right right that bitch is a millennial too…let just a whole bunch of late gen z and alpha gen are going to point out that current society enable their late gen x and millennials female relatives toxic af behaviors

Especially boys, like holy FUCK don’t be surprised how many men in the upcoming decades are weary af around women

Sorry for this essay, make sense?

Glad you got your meds, that's good news right there.

Magical Negros movie thing kinda dropped off the map from what I could see, which is good because it's not something we need out and about right now.

Looks like it's coming out to wide release in March so discourse will likely resume, sad.

As for Velma I think mindy kaling figured out it was garbage while she was making it but also realized it's a carer killer to admit that out loud so the shift to 'call them racist' happened and then quality is irrelevant so she just kept going.

Wild how we went from promoting tolerance to forcing people to adhere to specific dogmas.

Don't like the show, you don't watch it since it's made for people who will enjoy it, live and let live, and now we're here with opinion pieces telling us not liking it is a terrible thing somehow.

So when you have zoomers thinking that millennials and Gen x who still have unresolved parental issues into their goddamn late 20’s-40’s controlling media

I think it's still boomers at the top making the big decisions, but the crossover is happening, people on screen ya it's gonna be gen x and millennials.

Gen-X doesn't really have the parental issues though we're fairly self reliant, call it a positive or negative of the 'latchkey kid' life however you like, 2 income families were a newer thing and they didn't know what to do with us so we worked it out on our own.

Uber boomer sounding rant I'll put under a cut that actually is fairly accurate.

WE HAD A FUCKING MOVIE LIONIZING THE DAHOMEY

Still funny, not sure what the point of doing that particular movie was but if it was to showcase strong black women, yes it did that but it also forced a reckoning for people that have been dismissing any accountability for the various African kingdoms that captured, catalouged, and sold the slaves

related tangent, was waiting for one of these asks of yours to pop in because I've got a nice link for you that I've been holding on to for ya.

Great African Kingdoms

This collection presents a small sampling of the many great African kingdoms that rose and fell from the ancient period when Punt traded with Egypt up through the common era. Each kingdom developed a distinct culture and corresponding art and religious belief that continues to influence people around the world in the present day.

Went through a few of the articles linked in there, interesting stuff and it's not just different kingdoms either despite the title of the page.

Carrying on

Yeah my generation need to be held responsible for their actions…but they are told by Gen x and millennials who treated fictional characters like real people and real people like shit. That their shitty behavior is a okay

I blame a lot of that one the early gen-x who birthed the early millennials, tail end boomers early gen-x gave us the participation trophy.

I’m an autistic abuser survivor that was abused by my white stepmom. And even at 13 I knew racism against white people was bad.

Puts you leagues ahead of loads of people who have trouble with that concept. Very positive knowledge to have.

Especially boys, like holy FUCK don’t be surprised how many men in the upcoming decades are weary af around women

We're there already, it's looking like it may get worse though, sadly. The ideological divide between men and women is getting weird too I didn't expect the left right thing to go the way it has, it's a push back on the various abuses of the system that have happened though I'd guess.

Sorry for this essay, make sense?

little jankey but I got it fine since that's how my brain do too.

Again, glad you got your meds and are taking them that's a very good thing, another Gen-X thing we still have the stigma associated with "Prozac Nation" sitting in the backs of our heads no matter what we try to bash in to the normal bit.

Hope you enjoy the African Kingdom links and now it's a boomerish Gen-X rant under the cut time.

that last line is cringe, lol

[css1992]

Guilty Pleasure

[Porn AU]

Summary: Peter and Beck used to be a power couple in the porn industry, but after Beck dumps him, Peter is forced to start over. With no money, no family and nowhere to go, he doesn’t have much choice other than to keep doing porn, so he joins Just4Fans to get back on his feet and then one day he gets a very generous tip from someone under the username of YKWIM.

All the warnings listed on Part I apply.

Read on AO3

Part I / Part II / Part III / Part IV / Part V / Part VI / Part VII /  Part VIII  / Part IX / Part X /  Part XI / Epilogue

-x-

What the fuck was he thinking?

That was the first thought in Peter’s mind when he opened his eyes the next morning and remembered what he had done the night before. Agreeing to meet with a subscriber, really, how dumb was that? It was one of those things he did before bed when his brain was too slow to make good decisions and then the next morning there were consequences. Consequences. Peter couldn’t deal with fucking consequences, he was still struggling with the fallout of his other terrible life choices.

I should cancel, he thought, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands, trying to wake himself up.

He should definitely cancel. Right. It was only reasonable. He could tell Tony he slept on it and realized it wasn’t such a good idea, after all. Or he could just say he was sick – for the foreseeable future. Or something. He would figure it out as he typed.

He sighed heavily and reached for his phone on the nightstand, pulling up his chat with Tony. He was going to call the whole thing off – he was! – but he made one crucial mistake. Before he started typing an excuse, he re-read the conversation from the night before. He didn’t understand why or how, but Tony’s words just – inebriated him, and by re-reading them, he was put under his spell all over again.

I need to see you, he said.

Not want. Not would like. Need. The word choice wasn’t lost on Peter, but he wondered if he was reading too much into it, if maybe Tony just said the first thing that came to mind without giving it much thought. But it couldn’t be casual, could it? Nobody would say they needed something casually.

Right? 

He pictured the older man holding him close, whispering in his ear, “I need to see you”, until, somehow, in his imagination, words got lost somewhere and it became, “I need you”. Peter shivered just thinking about it. He was sure his voice would exude power and confidence, he just knew it, he  wouldn’t be able to resist Tony’s commands, and yet–

Please.

He asked nicely. Peter was hyper-aware of the fact that the word “please” had an unreasonable and slightly concerning effect on him, he should probably talk to someone about that, but it just did. It fucking did. Tony could have demanded whatever he wanted – and embarrassingly, Peter would have probably said yes. He could have been an asshole about it, pushy, like some other people were, but no. He was…

I’ll treat you right.

Peter never stood a chance, he realized, sighing, letting his phone fall off his hand and onto the bed. That man knew exactly what he was doing, didn’t he? Peter wondered if he was that transparent, if anyone who talked to him for more than five minutes could see how needy he was, how badly he craved affection. If so, how embarrassing was that? A touch-starved porn star with feelings?

Ex-porn star, his brain supplied, and Peter rolled his eyes at himself. But still, technically, he was not a porn star anymore, he was more like… A model. A social media influencer? An adult entertainer. He could settle for that.

He picked his phone back up and looked at the chat, re-reading their conversation from the night before, over and over again. At least it didn’t seem like he thought Peter was a hooker – well, he hadn’t offered money, so Peter assumed he meant it as a casual meeting, not a business transaction. Nothing else has to happen, he promised. Nobody would ask a hooker out not expecting anything else to happen.

Right?

While he freaked out wondering what exactly he had gotten himself into, his phone beeped and vibrated in his hand, as he got a notification saying he had a text from an unknown number. He frowned, because not a lot of people had his number, but when he opened the text message, his heart dropped to his stomach.

“Hey, babe, it’s Quent. I saw you unblocked me on Instagram. Can we talk?”

He felt immediately dizzy, his vision blurred and his hands shook. His only reaction was to throw the phone as far away from him as he could, as if it was on fire. His throat closed up and breathing became harder, he thought he might suffocate, as he sat up on the bed and tried to take deep breaths. Deep breaths. Tried not to get lost in his –

“I can’t do this anymore, Pete,” was the first thing he said the minute the younger man walked out of the en suite bathroom, drying his hair with a towel.

“Do what?” He asked, confused, tilting his head to the side. He watched as Beck slowly got out of bed and walked to him. Peter noticed he wasn’t naked anymore, he had put on some pants and a t-shirt. He blinked a few times, trying to make sense of the situation.

“This. Us.” He gestured between them and Peter stared at him for a few seconds, as the words flew around in his head, refusing to provide any meaning. After a couple of minutes, he laughed weakly, even though his eyes burned and his chest felt crushed. Beck’s expression remained impassive.

“You’re joking, right?” Even as he asked that, he knew in his heart that he wasn’t. His face fell when Beck simply shook his head. “Quent… What...” He didn’t even know what to say, what to ask. He took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair, trying to stop his eyes from watering, Beck hated it when he cried for no reason. “Listen, let’s just – let’s just talk about this, I’m sure–“

“There’s nothing to talk about, Peter, I’ve made up my mind. I’m sorry.” He took the two steps that separated them and ran a hand down the younger man’s wet cheek and Peter grasped it desperately, as if it could make him stay. “You’re immature, needy and quite frankly… a little boring for someone who gets fucked for a living.”

“I can do better, Quent, I can change, please don’t – don’t leave me,” he begged quietly, voice cracking, barely audible over the sound of his own sobs. Beck winced, pulling his hand away.“Don’t leave me, don’t leave me, please… Please, don’t leave me...” He shut his eyes tightly, trying to wake up from that nightmare. Just a few minutes earlier, everything was fine, they filmed a scene, Beck told him to get in the shower and the minute he walked back into the bedroom everything went to shit, how the fuck did that happen?  

“This is exactly what I’m talking about, Peter. Look at you, listen to yourself right now. It’s… Pathetic.” He looked at him like he was the saddest sight he had ever seen, a mixture of pity and disgust, annoyance and impatience. Peter remembered a time when he looked at him like he was  precious, like he was the most important person in the world… What went wrong? Where did he fuck up? How could he fix it?

“Quent, I-I – you’re all I–“

“That’s the problem, Pete,” he scoffed, shaking his head with an incredulous smile on his face. “I’m tired of being your everything, it’s exhausting. You’re exhausting.” He leaned against the wall next to the bedroom’s door, as Peter freaked out just a few feet away, thinking he was having an actual heart attack from how bad hearing that fucking hurt. “I don’t love you anymore.”

He was pulled from his memories when the doorbell rang and his heart jumped. Could it be him at the door? He couldn’t have found him, he had no idea where Ned and MJ lived – hell, he had no idea where Peter went, he didn’t even bother to ask. For all he knew, Peter could be living on the streets. He knew he had no money, no family, and he didn’t fucking care, he just fucking kicked him out, he barely gave him time to pack all of his things, his eyes were cold, arms crossed over his chest as he waited impatiently for Peter to leave. And he begged and kept begging, and–  

Fuck, he was losing it. He was going back to that dark place he had barely crawled out from just weeks earlier.

He took a deep, calming breath and shook his head, trying to get his emotions under control. It was not Beck at the door. He had no way of finding him, and Peter knew he wouldn’t even try to. The only reason he had to contact him was probably a job. He knew a lot of people in the porn industry would still try to book him through Beck, since he was his agent for so long. That was obviously the reason he was trying to reach out. Money. As always. That was all.

So he took another deep breath and walked slowly to the front door. When he checked the peephole,  Ned and MJ were casually standing outside, talking to each other like nothing was wrong in the world. He didn’t think twice and yanked the door open.

“Get dressed, loser, we’re going– what the fuck!?” MJ’s eyes almost jumped out of their sockets once she took a look at him. He knew he must look like garbage, he had no idea how he was even standing on his own two feet, he felt like his whole body was falling to pieces. He threw his arms around Ned, who was closest to him, and the older boy just pulled him close and let him bury his face in his neck, not missing a beat.

“Shh, it’s ok, buddy. Everything’s fine now.” He rubbed his back gently and Peter cried a little harder, a mixture of relief, sadness and regret filling his chest, leaving him confused and exhausted all at once. “Come on, let’s sit down for a minute. MJ, bring him some water, will you?” He pushed him lightly inside the apartment and directed him to the only piece of furniture in the living room, crouching down in front of him as MJ rummaged his tiny kitchen. “You ok, man?”

“I’m ok, I’m ok. It’s just… one of those days.” He forced a smile, trying to dry his face with the collar of his shirt. He didn’t want to tell them that Beck had tried to reach out, it would only cause them to worry unnecessarily. They were the ones who had convinced him to block his number, even if Peter insisted Beck would never call.

MJ hurried back from the kitchen and thrust a glass of water in his face, seeming a little nervous and completely out of her element. He realized that it was probably the first time they ever saw him in such bad shape, he didn’t have the energy to try to put up a strong front for them, which he always did, ever since he was a ten-year old boy. They had seen him cry before, of course, just probably not like that. Peter felt like shit and he knew he looked like it, too.

He drank the water that was offered to him just to have an excuse not to talk for a few seconds, as he tried to cool down and get himself back under control. MJ was fidgeting, standing beside Ned who was sitting on the floor, rubbing Peter’s knees comfortingly.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Ned asked, squeezing his leg, and he shook his head firmly.  

“No, thanks. I’m fine, really. Did you have plans for today?” He looked at his friends and noticed they both had their jackets on and looked ready to go out. It was, after all, a sunny Saturday morning. “I’ll go get dressed right now.” He tried to get up from the armchair but MJ placed a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s okay, we can stay in, if you want.” She assured him, still looking a little freaked out, which was funny to watch. She was never very good at comforting people.

“No, that’s stupid, come on,” He got up, forcing Ned to do the same, and headed to the bedroom, but the older boy grabbed his arm before he could go too far.

“Don’t worry, c’mon, let’s go down to our apartment, at least we have a couch.”

Peter wanted to insist that he was okay to go out, but if he was honest with himself, he was... not okay. To do anything. And he didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts.

So he just nodded at his friends and followed them downstairs. Back at their place, he plopped down on the couch with MJ next to him, as Ned headed for the kitchen. He came back with ice cream and three spoons and Peter smiled weakly, appreciating the gesture.

“So… Bad day?” Ned asked sympathetically as Peter pretended to focus on the frozen desert.

“Bad day,” he answered, simply, with a small smile on his face, and his friend nodded in understanding.

“Did something happen or…?” He insisted and Peter stuffed his mouth with enough ice-cream to give himself a brain freeze, just so he could avoid talking for a while. He shrugged.

“No, just… Memories.”

“Of course,” MJ scoffed, as she stabbed the ice-cream with her spoon. “That asshole. I can’t believe he gets to be your first love. That fucking sucks.” Peter was sure MJ didn’t mean to make him feel bad – or rather, worse – but he hadn’t even thought about that yet. The fact that Beck was his first love. His first everything, really. Nothing could ever change that fact. He swallowed the lump in his throat with a spoonful of chocolate chip ice-cream. “Don’t worry, one day you’ll find a decent man who will show you what a healthy relationship looks like, you know. That perv deprived you of even that.” MJ shook her head and Peter sighed, wincing.  

“I don’t think I can find a decent man, MJ,” he mumbled, looking down at the ice-cream pint. “I’m a certified whore now. Imagine Prince Charming googling my name and finding my gang bang video, or the fisting one.” He scoffed, shaking his head. He didn’t dare to look up at his friends, he played with the melting ice-cream and shrugged. “I’m sorry for the mental image.” His face was burning red, he hated to talk about his videos with them, but they needed a reality check. He was pretty sure they never watched the videos, so they had no idea how bad the situation was.

“Good thing you’re not looking for Prince Charming, then, Cinderella.” She rolled her eyes. “You need a man who understands that sex is just sex, it doesn’t matter how many people you slept with, or if it was filmed or not. Besides, it was just a fucking job, like any other, people use their bodies to work. Writers use their hands, waiters use their legs, you used your ass, so-fucking-what?” MJ argued and she genuinely seemed to believe her own words, which made Peter laugh a little and feel relieved that his friend didn’t think badly of him. That made one of them.

The thing was, it was a beautiful speech, big words, great ideas, but none of it meant anything because it wasn’t real. He believed MJ thought like that, but most people didn’t. Most people would look at him differently knowing he used to do porn and knowing that he still did solo stuff on Just4Fans. They would think it was fine to fantasize about him, it was fine to jerk off to him, maybe it would even be fine to have sex with him casually, but have a serious relationship with him? Probably not.

He must have been distracted for a while and jumped up a little when he felt Ned’s hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, dude. Not everyone is that narrow-minded, you know. At the end of the day, it’s just porn. A lot of people do it, even more people watch it, it’s not that big of a deal.” Ned shrugged and Peter looked at him a little surprised. He didn’t look freaked out at all by what he said earlier, which – he didn’t think he would be rude or anything, he just didn’t expect him to be so cool about it.

He smiled at him and nodded.

Peter spent the rest of the day at their place and gradually started feeling a little more like himself, a little calmer. His head hurt from such a rough morning, but having his friends by his side helped a lot. They had pizza for lunch and binge watched a sitcom for seven hours straight, which helped keep all the intrusive thoughts at bay. Well, mostly.

When he got home that night, he picked up his phone that was still lying on the floor. The screen was cracked, but at least it was still working. He quickly blocked Beck’s Instagram and his new number before he could think twice about it, and only then did he notice there was a message from Tony waiting for him, from a few hours earlier.

“Hey, gorgeous. How’s your day? I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Can’t wait to see you.”

For some weird reason, reading that message soothed him. It should have freaked him out, sent him over the edge again, but it didn’t. He had forgotten all about the fact that he agreed to meet Tony, but he was glad he did. He felt exhausted from all the emotions he had to deal with all day long and he thought he didn’t want to do anything but sleep it off, but talking to Tony sounded like an even better idea somehow.

“Not so good, I’m a little tired, but I’ll survive. How was yours, daddy?”

He wasn’t surprised when he got an answer right away.

“I’m sorry to hear that, kitten. I’d give you a foot rub if I was there, would that help?” Peter couldn’t help but smile at that message, which was a little shocking to him, he thought he had lost the ability to do that hours ago.

“That would help a lot, daddy.” He sighed, rolling onto his side, burying himself under the covers. “I wish you were here.” He didn’t expect to mean it so much, not when he was talking to a virtual stranger, but Tony had such a weird effect on him when they talked. Peter felt like he knew him, like they were intimate, like he was safe. And none of that made any sense, but he couldn’t help it.

“I wish I were there, too. I’d take good care of you.” Fuck, and he kept saying those things. Those beautiful things that made his stomach turn and his head hurt and his heart go wild. He was so fucked. “Dinner’s still up? Does Thursday night work for you?”

“Thursday works fine. I’m just a little nervous.” He curled on his side, looking closely at the cracked screen. Immediately, Tony started typing an answer.

“Please don’t be, sweetheart, I promise you’ll have a good time. We’ll have a nice meal, some fine wine, a good talk. What’s not to like?” That was exactly what Peter thought the previous night, and it had made perfect sense in his head. When he woke up, though, it didn’t sound reasonable at all. And now there he was, hypnotized again by Tony’s charm.

“I don’t know.” He bit his lip, wondering if he should say what he wanted to say or if it would be weird.

“Then, please, don’t worry. You can leave at any second if you don’t feel comfortable.”

“Okay.” He replied, worrying his bottom lip, working up the nerve to say what was on his mind. “Look, you know I’m not, like… a prostitute, right? Nor an escort. I just post dirty pictures online, which might be misleading, but I’m not a sex worker. I hope you know that.” There, he said it. He held his breath as he waited for Tony’s answer, who kept typing for what felt like ages.

“To be completely honest, no, I was not sure, and I didn’t want to offend you by asking, but this changes nothing. I didn’t ask to meet you for that, I hope you know. I just really need to see you in person. I like talking to you here, but I’d love to hear your voice, see your smile, make you laugh. I promise I have no ulterior motives.”

“Oh, you’re good.” Peter joked lightly, because it seemed like Tony always knew what to say to wrap him around his little finger.

“I am, baby, I promise. You’ll see.”

He was pretty sure he had heard similar promises before, beautiful words without any meaning. Still, for some reason, it wasn’t hard to believe him.

-x-

Tag list (please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed from the list):  @sadachmesarthim @iamnotparticularlyproud

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

Yeah, so I read your HP headcanons/analysis and I found it really well put. I was wondering about your thoughts on Dumbledore and who he really was as a person. (It’s okay if you don’t really want to reply :> )

We’re just getting all up into The Carnivorous Muffin headcanon land, aren’t we?

Well, this one’s probably obvious to anyone who reads my work.

I fall on the manipulative Dumbledore side of things and then some. Dumbledore is not only a bastard man but is a raging misogynist and extremely classist (which is funny because I don’t see too many people calling him out for those last two when to me canon all but shouts it at you). 

Basically, what it comes down to, is even taken in very good faith I simply cannot read Dumbledore’s actions as benign in pretty much every single goddamn decision he makes ever.

God, where do I even start here? I guess we can go chronologically.

Well, there was Dumbledore’s Wizard Nazi youth with an oddly Dorian Gray flare to it with Gellert. I think it’s fairly obvious why Dumbledore’s not exactly... good there so I’m going to skip past it. Suffice to say, it took his sister’s death (and maybe murdering his own invalid sister) for Dumbledore to stop planning world domination. Even then it wasn’t so much that world domination was wrong, but because his sister died and he was an asshole.

I’m going to go ahead and include CoG and Fantastic Beasts because I can (CoG, while a terrible movie, actually does entertain me in many ways). Anyways, before the films came out I always considered the younger Dumbledore far more stoic and brooding. He doesn’t get his eccentric persona until after the defeat of Grindelwald and was before then angsty mcangsts and an academic at heart. 

Well, per CoG, apparently he was a budding spy master long before defeating Gellert/Voldemort popped up. We see him manipulating Newt, sending him to Paris as his own agent, WHEN NEWT DOESN’T WANT TO GO AND HAS ACKNOWLEDGED THAT DUMBLEDORE USED HIM INTHE LAST FILM. Dumbledore writes off having used Newt for his own agenda with a charming smile but none the less it paints a pretty grim picture that Albus has always been... Albus. There has always been a greater good out there somewhere and the man is always using someone as a pawn.

Cut to canon and his treatment of Tom Riddle. Frankly, Dumbledore’s treatment of the young Tom Riddle, and even Tom Riddle just before he came Voldemort, is insane. The thought experiment I like to run is “replace Tom in those scenes with Harry Potter”.

Harry was a poor orphan, whose guardians would more than match what Mrs. Cole said about Tom Riddle, who had spurts of accidental magic now and then and enjoyed when his bully cousin was discomfitted. Now, imagine Dumbledore giving Harry his letter, and then pretending to light all of Harry’s possessions on fire to “teach him a lesson”. What the fuck?

Now, am I saying Tom Riddle wasn’t creepy here and that killing a rabbit was terrible. No. But I am saying Dumbledore had a horrible reaction to it and is proud of it years later. (Also, the fact that he uses this memory to convince Harry of how evil Tom is, is hilarious to me. Dumbledore, you were the shit that lit people’s wardrobes on fire. If I was Tom, I’d be upset too). 

Dumbledore is always like this with Tom Riddle. He thinks the worst of Tom even in points where Tom hasn’t done anything. I’m not talking about later when, yes, Tom did live up to Dumbledore’s fears but when Dumbledore treats him like garbage and actively sabotaged Tom’s career.

Anyways, cut to later when the Marauders are in school. One of the big things is that Dumbledore puts up a guerilla resistance gang OF SCHOOL CHILDREN. While most members are older, James, Lily, Sirius, Remus, and Peter are all only just out of Hogwarts. “Well,” you say, “It’s their choice and they did graduate. Surely Dumbledore wasn’t actually recruiting school children.” I point you towards canon, where Dumbledore convinces three actual school children that the fate of the nation rests on their shoulders and to go fight the good fight. So yes, Dumbledore canonically uses child soldiers and has no regret for doing so.

The other is letting James and Sirius off the hook for the Lupin incident. While Dumbledore talks the talk this showed that he was not willing to walk the walk. True, while getting them into major trouble would have involved outing Lupin (who was innocent in all of this) at the same time they were nearly responsible for the murder of another student. It’s very convenient that Dumbledore lets off the rich son of a lord, two individuals who later end up in the resistance movement (Potter likely funding part of it), and tells the impoverished half blood to sit down and shut up.

And in canon, yes, I believe that Dumbledore absolutely knew what Harry’s home condition was like. While the blood wards are an excuse they aren’t a particularly good one as for most of Harry’s childhood the Death Eaters were all accounted for. Harry was in no extreme danger from them. To not have had an inkling of Harry’s home life (when Harry even hints at it when wanting to stay over the summer, Harry runs away from home in third year, Fred and George see the bars on the window, and he even visits Harry’s home in sixth year) would be such laughable incompetence and stupidity it’s right out.

With that, I absolutely do believe what Snape showed us in the memory, the Dumbledore behind the scenes as it were. That Dumbledore knew fairly early that Harry Potter was a horcrux and began grooming Harry for suicide. Specifically, that’s what sixth year really is. All those memories of Tom Riddle, the pretext to get some memory from Slughorn, it’s an excuse for a smear campaign designed to convince Harry that Tom Riddle is inherently evil and must die at all costs, even Harry’s own life. 

Dumbledore didn’t need that Slughorn memory. Sure, it was useful to know Tom intended to make seven but think about it. How did Dumbledore know there’d be anything remotely useful in there? He doesn’t know that Tom actually drops a number on Slughorn. Even then, he doesn’t know whether Tom actually goes and does it. All of it felt like, “Harry, I have a super secret important mission that only YOU can do. Can you handle it, Harry? Because without this the country is surely doomed” And in that I mean it was an effort to win back Harry’s favor after the previous year meltdown, keep him busy, and start in on the excuse to show Harry some pretty damn innocuous memories of Tom Riddle and go, “See, HE IS EVIL!”

Due to this, I frankly think that the train scene was a hallucination on Harry’s part. Wishful thinking for some gentle explanation of how Dumbledore had not cruelly used him for years and intended his death. 

Well, that and it never made much sense that Dumbledore could predict Harry’s a) becoming the master of death b) miraculous second resurrection.

In the first case, Harry becomes master of death because of wand lore bullshit and happenstance where Harry happens to save Draco’s life. Dumbledore had no idea such a thing would happen. Dumbledore’s plan was for there to be no master of death, as the wand would default to having no owner when Snape defeated Dumbledore on Dumbledore’s orders. That Draco got the wand is a sort of Deus ex Machina. Sorry guys, Dumbledore intended Harry to die.

More, even then, while Dumbledore was very into the occult of these things we leave canon without any idea if these things are even responsible for his resurrection. They’re just relatively nifty objects with a legend behind them. There was nothing concrete to suggest that, should Harry happen to get all of them, he would be able to rise from the dead.

Otherwise onto the misogyny and classism parts.

In terms of misogyny this is from every time Dumbledore talks about Lily Evans or Merope Gaunt. In the case of Lily, she’s this weird Madonna figure whose love for Harry was so powerful it saved his life. That she also happened to make these blood wards Dumbledore cannot reproduce and extended her protection to Harry wherever he went is irrelevant. It’s her love that counts. That feminine, maternal, love purer than all others.

Basically, Dumbledore seems to be of the belief that women are flowers. The best of women are these demure, selfless, brave women who sacrifice themselves for their children. Yikes, Dumbledore.

Merope’s the really bad one though. Merope’s tale is how she drugged and raped a defenseless muggle for months and then he escaped. Dumbledore spins it into this Victorian tale of woe where Tom Riddle Sr. THE KIDNAPPED RAPE VICTIM is the asshole here who abandoned Merope to the merciless cold world. How dare he. 

It’s very clear that Dumbledore doesn’t see Merope, or women in general, as people. Instead these weird Victorian ideals who can be tragic victims of circumstance.

As for the classism.

While Dumbledore’s very against the pureblood culture we see in the Malfoys a lot of his treatment of Tom Riddle feels very... classist. The big one, which is a little tangential but I say it counts, is Dumbledore’s theory that children of rape are incapable of love. Granted, he’s saying this while convincing Harry to kill himself for the good of the cause and there is a real world parallel in that alcohol/drugs while pregnant is a very bad idea that can lead to extreme mental and physical health disorders. That said, we’re talking love potions at conception, and it always read more as “rape babies” vs. specific drugs. And that is... just yikes on so many levels.

Now, do I agree with manipulative Dumbledore we see in many fics? No, because Dumbledore’s not that stupid.

He doesn’t need to borrow money from Harry’s vault, he doesn’t need to pay off Hermione and Ron to be Harry’s friends, he doesn’t need to choose Harry’s friends for him, he doesn’t need to manipulate Harry’s memories directly. He doesn’t need to do any of this because he got what he wanted just fine in canon.

Dumbledore is one of the smartest characters in canon, far smarter than Harry, and he doesn’t have to stoop to such outrageous schemes to get what he wants. Poorly concealed smear campaigns convincing Harry to commit suicide are more than enough.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Weird q..but i really dont understand why most fans hate season 4, especially the last episode. Why? I think it gave us a deeper look on both sherlock and mycroft! I felt it tells a lot about mycroft how he had to step in and take control of things ever since he was a kid himself. Also he is not a robot or a killer. Also redbeard thing. It was an appropriate deep psychological trauma (cause most shows usually disappoint in that area). I am not trying to impose my opinion. Just want to understand

Hey Nonny!

It’s all good, and I totally respect your opinion and how you enjoyed S4! It’s totally okay! I know that there are quite a few who got a lot of of S4, and who genuinely enjoyed it.

Sadly, I am not one of those people, and I’ll try to be as diplomatic a possible in my response, but PLEASE know that I don’t think you’re “terrible” or “stupid” for liking S4 because I DO get passionate sometimes in my responses, and I’m just merely speaking as someone who studied the series very closely for quite a long time before S4 aired, and as someone who knows Day-One-ers (ie., people who watched Sherlock on its day one airdate) who also are a large majority of the people who did not like S4. This is just me simply stating why I didn’t like it, but it’s different for everyone.

Stating what I DO like: The acting and cinematography of the first two episodes were brilliant for what they had to work with, and I’ve never faulted any of the actors for the flaws of S4. And for TFP, they did the best with what they had to work with.

That’s… pretty much all I really liked about S4.

Now, here’s my problems with S4:

Nothing made a LICK of sense to the narrative that they were telling in Seasons prior. 

This series was always based a bit in reality, and suddenly everything became comic-book rules: X-Men villains, shitty “redemption” arc, destroying favourite characters just for drama, ludicrous physics, explosions that only destroyed one small room in an apt where in previous episodes one explosion destroyed an entire block, etc.

Sherlock was OOC.

Mary was being built up to be a fantastic villain? Ah, nope, here’s the lacklustre twist where tee hee Mary’s just an assassin with a heart of gold that still emotionally abuses Sherlock and John and just won’t fucking stay dead.

And speaking of this, the DVD’s make NO LOGICAL SENSE unless she was planning to kill herself

AND she tries to make her death equatable to Sherlock’s??

Everyone was RIDICULOUSLY out of character in TFP, I’m so sorry: Mycroft is a bumbling coward for the most part, Sherlock disregards John when he gives the Vatican Cameos warning, the Holmes Parents are assholes because Mycroft COULDN’T SOLVE A PROBLEM WHEN HE WAS 12?? ARE YOU SERIOUS???? And that creepy Moriarty / Eurus thing, and LITERALLY they’re implying that EVERYTHING HAPPENED BECAUSE EURUS DIDN’T GET A HUG. Like, I’m so sorry, but that’s lazy writing.

And don’t even get me started on the ridiculousness of the entire character of Eurus. She LITERALLY had X-Men powers, and like… just nothing made sense. Her involvement in the entirety of S4 MADE NO SENSE. Why go back to prison if you can get out?? WHAT IS THE POINT?? AND I repeat: She did all this because she didn’t get a hug. Yes. I’m oversimplifying, but at the base level, that’s what it was, because she wanted Sherlock’s attention. Welcome to the club, kid, stand in line, everyone on the SHOW wants his attention.

The ENTIRE plot of the first 2 seasons got wiped out all because it wasn’t Moriarty who was interested in Sherlock, but Eurus?? What… What about Carl Powers?? Like…. the ENTIRETY of season one and TGG makes no sense now, because of that one 5 minute scene where Eurus “enlists” Moriarty. I… ugh.

The SUDDEN tonal switch from kind-of Sherlock to James Bond, for some fucking reason.

And on that note, how terribly lazy and cheap TFP looks in comparison to the other two episodes. The whole episode looks like it was filmed in a small house with 4 identical rooms.

EVERYTHING that was etablished in 2 episodes prior were COMPLETELY forgotten when Mary was “shot”.

The complete character assassination of one loyal blogger John H Watson in favour of Mary for some fucked up reason, even though AT HIS OWN WEDDING HE COULDN’T STAND BEING AROUND MARY. I’m sorry, but I don’t believe for one damned second that John would EVER forgive Mary for murdering his best friend after seeing what it did to him. That’s not love from her, and that’s NOT John’s character EVER in the ENTIRETY of the series.

And speaking of character assassinations, Molly’s character being devolved to S1E1 Molly, where instead of giving her agency like they were doing with her the ENTIRE series, so much so that Sherlock picked up on her dominance enough to give her a big role in his mind palace in HLV and TAB, only to make her a sad little self-insert Mary Sue pining for the main character, and in turn made Sherlock a TERRIBLE human being for MAKING HER say what she did. It’s gross.

AND speaking of Molly’s character, they’ve been setting up Mollstrade since as early as ASiB, but I guess that plot line got shafted. Look I LOVE Hopkins, and I am ANGRY they didn’t give her more than 3 fucking lines in the entirety of ONE episode after HEAVILY promoting her actress and character, but they essentially reduced her to a piece of ass for Lestrade to chase. AND THAT’S NOT HIS CHARACTER EITHER. EW GROSS.

The constant plot holes being gaped wide open, and the Chekov’s gun moments where they bring up shit but do nothing with it!! 

TD-12? Nope, just a lame reference to a story we like. 

John got shot at the end of TLD with a VERY REAL FUCKING GUN? Nope, it was a dart gun. 

John not suddenly knowing how to be a doctor.

The TGG one I mentioned up above. 

What was in the letter? And who was Anyone??

Moriarty essentially being erased as anything other than a hired thug and had no part whatsoever in Sherlock’s history. 

Eurus… Just all of her character is asinine. 

Everyone in T6T suddenly not knowing John’s the blogger, which is in direct contradiction to literally the entire series. 

The AGRA plotline was ridiculous, in the end.

Baby? What baby? It was only there when convenient.

They dropped whatever plotline they were going to do for Mycroft: He was being set up as either dying, or the villain.

Redbeard. I’m sorry, I disagree with you on that. Mofftiss is trying to tell me that a little boy fell down a well and went missing, and that WASN’T the first place searchers / the police wouldn’t have looked? Sorry, no. And then. AND THEN his parents just… go along with this thing where Sherlock shuts down and they DON’T get him therapy? Yes, I agree the mind is a funny thing, and we can be traumatised into forgetting or dissociating from traumatic events. I GET IT. But… like I don’t believe the Holmes are so heartless as to just never grieve or have memories around about their supposedly dead daughter. It’s another OCC thing for me.

John’s cheating.

Disappearing and reappearing characters, like this scene, and the entirety of the aquarium scene.

Mary and John being terrible parents

OH GOD THIS FUCKING SCENE. That bomb SHOULD HAVE DESTROYED THE ENTIRE BUILDING.

What… who was this girl on the plane? What? Like I know WHO, but if she’s supposed to be Eurus talking to Sherlock, why don’t we see Eurus… talking to Sherlock? I … Ugh.

NORBURY. 

The glass SUPER SECRET GOVERNMENT ROOM THAT NO ONE SHOULD SEE INTO in T6T.

Sloppy camera work that some believe was intentional, but if it wasn’t, jesus c’mon.

The RIDICULOUS amount of 4th Wall Breaking. Like… even the actors didn’t give a shit.

Essentially, everything on this list here and in this blog tag here.

And everything mentioned on these three posts:

T6T: 10 Revealing Things That Haunt You Late at Night 

TLD: 10 Revealing Things That Haunt You Late at Night

TFP: 10 Revealing Things That Haunt You Late at Night

There’s SO much more I can go into, but please go through my “something’s fucky” tag in that last link.

Notice how probably 90% of that has NOTHING to do with “johnlock not becoming canon” because the Johnlockers get MONSTROUS accusations as to THAT being why we didn’t like S4, even though it was, like critically panned by the GENERAL AUDIENCE who have NO investment in the series other than “I liked it in the past”.

Two of my fave YouTubers have interesting (not perfect, but still good) takes coming at the series as casual viewers:

‘The Day Sherlock Died’ by The Closer Look

‘Sherlock is Garbage, and Here’s Why’ by hbomberguy

So it’s NOT just Johnlockers. I’ve talked to Sher1011ies at 221B con who didn’t like S4 either, because most of them realized how shitty Molly was treated in the last episode. So yeah, a big middle finger to those who think I dislike S4 because of  “no Johnlock”. No, I disliked it because I need my stories to make logical narrative sense. I disliked it because I love John and they ruined his character all for the sake of drama and because Moffat has a “hurting Ben” kink. I disliked it because Mary should NOT have been “redeemed” because she was an abuser. I disliked it because Moriarty was turned into a cartoon villain, even though he was already overused in the series. I disliked it because the core of the show – the FRIENDSHIP of Sherlock and John, and their solving mysteries together – did not exist at all. I disliked it because John got sidelined. I disliked it because TFP was a ridiculous episode that, if you replace ANY of the characters, it wouldn’t make a difference, because it didn’t feel like an episode of Sherlock. I disliked it because everyone was OOC.

Anyway. Sorry. One too many accusations my way over the past 1100+ days LOL.

As for your assessment of TFP, I’m going to have to respectfully disagree with you. There was no growth and actually it implies something far more sinister: That the Holmes are and were terrible parents that gave no shits about their daughter, their traumatized son, and expected their eldest to essentially be a parent. It implies that Mycroft, at 12 years old, orchestrated the ENTIRE Sherrinford thing… Look I can suspend my disbelief, but there’s limits, and this is one of them. A LITERAL CHILD. Perhaps Uncle Rudy had a hand in it somehow, but then why not shit on Uncle Rudy? Why is Mycroft blamed for it all?

Look, I don’t doubt Sherlock had a traumatic experience regarding “Redbeard”. But then why play into the fact that he was a dog? Why bring another character into the series just to have a gotcha moment? Because Mofftiss wanted a “Shyamalan twist”, that’s why. They threw EVERYTHING away for a twist ending either because they GENUINELY thought it was good, or they got tired of doing Sherlock. ALL of TFP is LITERALLY a really bad plot twist because reasons. TFP makes no sense to the ENTIRE narrative structure of the previous 12 episodes. It erased EVERYTHING from the previous episodes, and coated it with a gross closing by a character no one wanted in the series, and then tried to convince us that it’s a new beginning – “a journey they had to go through” – but it SOLVED NOTHING.

Anyway. I have big feels about S4, and the only way I can enjoy it is to watch it subtextually, but even then, I cannot sit through TFP without cringing. 

That said, Lovelies, please do not attack Nonny for enjoying S4! I know you guys won’t, but Nonny came out with an olive branch and they just want to understand why the fandom is passionate about S4′s… whatever it was. We can have a civil discussion about it, and point out – without attacking – why S4 is universally panned. It’s okay to like things no one else does, and Nonny was respectful to me in this ask! 

So with that, feel free, lovelies, to express why YOU didn’t enjoy the series, or why you did! I’m interested in both “sides” / pov’s whatever :)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #344

“my whole existence is flawed”

Have you ever thought about becoming a crime scene investigator? No. Do you think you could win on Jeopardy? Not at all. What do you normally call your mother? (mommy, mom, mother, mum, etc.) Usually "Mom" or "Ma," sometimes "Mama." Does your significant other complain about the way you dress? I'm single, but I would never tolerate an s/o who complained about/told me how to dress. Like bye, fuck you. Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? Are you right now? No, thankfully. What would you do if a stranger smacked your ass and whistled? They're getting fucking punched. In the face. Do you know anyone who has died from cancer? Multiple people. Ever have to call the cops on someone? Not me personally, but my sister did while I was in the car with her due to a clearly drunk as fuck driver. Are you comfortable enough around your friends to change in front of them? Hell no, I avoid changing even in front of my mother. Have you ever dated someone in secret? Dated, no. But Joel and I were a secret. What’s something you really want right now, be honest? What I really want right now is a job. What are you listening to right now? A slowed-down with reverb version of "Closer" by In This Moment. It's p hot. Do you still have your tonsils? Yes. What confuses you most? Why terrible things can happen to the most undeserving of people. Have you ever been called a bad influence? Yes. Not like she was a good one whatsoever. What's the weirdest compliment you've ever received? I don't know, really. Have you ever thought you could 'save' someone? No. It's funny, apparently Jason thought I could "save" him, and would'ja look at that, he scarred me for life. Do you prefer weed or cigs? I've never smoked either, but at least weed has benefits, so. What do your parents say about smoking? Well, my dad smokes like a chimney, but he does tell my sisters and me to absolutely never start it. Mom is very firm about us not smoking. She'd probably be heartbroken if any of us started. Do like kissing with tongue or without? I mean, that depends on the mood as well as how serious we are. What show is hilarious to you? That '70s Show absolutely cracks me up. Who last made you upset? My Dad and stepmom, ranting about how the Covid vaccine is being forced on us and is dangerous. I'm very much for it and am getting it myself soon, so I was just like... shut the fuck up. I just kept my lips zipped, but by god did I want to say something. Does he/she usually upset you? I sometimes regret having my stepmom on Facebook because of her shitty political views, but she in general doesn't upset me. I love her, really. Dad doesn't upset me, really. What would your parents do if you got a tattoo? They don't care, especially knowing how much I love them. What is your favorite musical? None. Do you have any interest in visiting Japan? Yeah, though I don't think it's something I'd go out of my way to do. If I had the opportunity though, I'd surely go. I would love to take photos there, and it's this odd desire of mine to visit Aokigahara Forest and just walk along the "safe" paths and just... feel it. I don't want to find any bodies because I think that would shatter me, I just want to allow myself to like, drown in empathy for all those that left their lives in those trees. I feel like I'd cry a LOT, because I'd prefer to do it alone and just talk to whoever may be able to hear from wherever they are now, and just let them know they're not forgotten or abandoned and that they were never alone. This is honestly getting me really emotional so I'm moving onto the next question. But in summary, I feel like it could honestly be a life-changing experience. What is your favorite Japanese name? I like A LOT of Japanese names I've heard, but they're all evading me now. Do you ever listen to Jpop? No. Who do you go to for advice? Mom or Sara. Have you ever ran a cash register? Yeah, when I worked at the dollar store. Have you ever worked as a server? No. Did you collect Bratz dolls when you were younger? I didn't collect them, no, but I shared a few with my sister. Do you think your mom is attractive? I think my mom's beautiful. Her smile especially puts gold to shame. She actually kinda broke down the other day because she thought she was ugly, and it just broke my damn heart. Do you like the feeling in your stomach on a big drop on a roller coaster? I've never been on a roller coaster and don't plan to try one, but I reeeaaally don't like that feeling in any situation. What is your most severe allergy? Pollen. How and when were you baptized, if applicable? I was baptized as a baby the traditional Catholic way. Would you rather paint or carve a pumpkin? I think carving is more fun. Have you ever walked through a haunted house? One that was part of a Halloween attraction, yeah. What computer game did you used to play all the time? I played lots as a kid, but my favorite had to be I Spy: Spooky Mansion. My lil sis and I were obsessed. How do you feel about Motorhead? I don't love them, but I do enjoy some of their songs. I never thought Lemmy was that great of a vocalist, but I respect him as an artist and hope he rests in peace. What’s the weirdest way you’ve ever pulled a muscle? *shrugs* What’s your favorite symbol? (i.e. the pentagram, the cross, etc.) If we're talking only real-world symbols and not ones that only exist in fantasy media, I actually think the Satanic (no, not inverted) cross is a cool design. It has nothing to do with my stance on Satanism, I just think it's an appealing look. What methods are most effective for you when you’re trying to relax? If I REALLY need relaxation, just leave me alone and let my put on earplugs and just like, disappear from the real world for a bit. Would you rather date your opposite, your ‘twin’, or someone in between? Someone in-between, I think. More similar to me though would be preferred versus someone that's my opposite. How many videos do you have favorited on your YouTube account? I think I'm actually at the max? I think they just get replaced with newer ones by now. Do you know anyone who has carpal tunnel syndrome? Me, actually. My older sister does, too, and actually had surgery for it. Which do you prefer: M&M’s, Skittles, or Reese’s Pieces? Reese's Pieces, but I love all three. If you could be the sidekick of a superhero which superhero would you pick? If I was Spiderman's sidekick, could I throw webs and zing around like a monkey too? ;_; I think being Batman's sidekick would be pretty cool too, seeing as to my knowledge he's more about stealth, which would be fun to go along with. Do you think that you could ever win a food eating contest? No fucking way. They gross me the hell out. What is your favorite thing about the country you live in? How much freedom we have here. Although, it can definitely be abused, and some people do abuse it... Have you ever snuck somebody into your house? No. Have you ever snuck into somebody else’s house? No. Honestly, have you ever thrown garbage out of the window of a car? No, and you fucking repulse me if you do. It is not that challenging to hold onto your shit until you get out of the car and find a trashcan. Honestly, have you ever stuck gum under a table or desk? No, that shit is disgusting. Just get your lazy ass up and spit it out. Which would you find more menacing: dinosaurs or dragons? Well, considering dragons can, you know, breathe fire... Can you name three different kinds of dinosaurs? Spinosaurus, allosaurus, stegosaurus. What’s the name of the last person you kissed? Sara. Is your heart broken at the moment? Nah. Who’s the last guy you argued with? I don't know. I avoid arguing with guys to the absolute best of my ability because I'm terrified of making them mad. What about the last girl? My mom. Would you marry the last person you kissed? Not at this current time, but later down the road of us both building ourselves up, I possibly would. Who’s the last person that asked you out? Girt. Out of all of your exes, who treated you the best? Sara. Who is the person you have hurt the most? My damn self. Who is the person that has hurt you the most? Jason. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? It feels like it sometimes, but when it really comes down to it, no, I don't. Who was the last baby you held? My niece Emerson. Who’s the last guy to give you roses? Tyler. Did your parents do drugs when they were younger? My dad did quite a lot before us kids were born, apparently. I can guess pretty damn easily that Mom made him cut that shit out before having my sisters and me. Mom, to my knowledge, has never tried anything at all. Do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to? No. Did you cry at your high school graduation? I remember I teared up slightly. What was the last non-papery substance you drew on? I have no idea. Do you ever name objects? (i.e. mp3 players, guitars, cars, etc.) No. What do you beat yourself up about the most? I'm 25 fucking years old and have never had a stable job or just felt "adult" in general. Which has hurt you more: friendship break-ups or bf/gf break-ups? The breakup with Jason, who was my boyfriend, so. What’s the most terrifying thing you’ve ever done? Gone to a mental hospital. The first time was so, so scary. What’s the highest fever you’ve ever had? I don't know. Have you ever been to the ER? Many times. Have you ever been mistreated by a cop? No. Have you ever experimented with any sort of witchcraft? No. Which animals are you afraid of? Some bugs and spiders, and whale sharks are a phobia of mine. I also find giant squid to be terrifying, but also very intriguing. Oh yeah, then there's my extreme aversion to maggots and similar larvae. Did you pray to God when you were a child? Usually. Mom raised us to, but some nights I slacked with it and just wanted to sleep. What is your favorite flavor of frosting? Maaan, don't make me choose. What color is your skin naturally? Very pale. Do you own a pocketknife, or any other kind of multi-tool? No. What was the last thing you took a video of? I have no idea. I have no recordings on my phone, so. Have you ever been somewhere where you didn’t fluently speak the local language? No. Have you ever had famous neighbors? No. Do you have any medication that you keep with you at all times? Yeah, one of my anxiety meds. What are some things a house would need to have for you to purchase it? Besides the very obvious, mine has to have a dishwasher. I. HATE. Washing dishes by hand. Do you own a pet spider? No, but I DESPERATELY want some tarantulas. :( I've tried convincing her, but Mom's very adamant about the fact I will NOT own one so long as I live with her. I also love jumping spiders and attempted to convince her about one of those versus a tarantula, but still, answer's a firm no, haha. Do you call your animals “baby names”? Well duh. Have you ever been stood up? No. Do you own a fishtank? No. Do you like the song “Barbie Girl”? God no. I'll sing it jokingly, though, because y'know, childhood and all. Do you own a feather boa? No. We did at one point, though. A hot pink one. Are you allergic to peanuts? No. Do you wear ribbons in your hair? No, my hair's too short for that. I never did, though. Do you use cheat codes on video games? I generally only use codes that you can actually earn in the game for like, new outfits or weapons in subsequent playthroughs. I won't use the kinds of codes that make you invulnerable and stuff, but rather just fun little cosmetics and such. Have you ever gone mudding on a fourwheeler? Ugh, no. I don't like getting dirty, so that is NOT my kind of fun. What is your favorite flavor Jolly Rancher? Watermelon. Have you ever played Dance Dance Revolution? Of course! We had the dance mat as kids and loved to play the games. What is the last thing you dropped? I don't really remember. Have you ever done the “Cupid Shuffle?” Yeah, at school dances and such. Do you know how to do the Soulja Boy dance? Haha omg, I did as a kid. My friend, sister, and I all learned it. How long has it been since you’ve eaten a Reese’s? My mom actually got me a Reese's egg for Easter, so not long ago at all.

[ins0mnia-an0nym0us-au]

re: getting told i have borderline nazi-ideology

I very recently had an interesting experience that I wanted to share.

I use Discord, a communication program that’s main purpose is an instant messaging feature, you can create a server, which can have multiple “rooms” in it for different topics of conversation. It also has various other features, like voice chatting, video-calling, screen-sharing, etc. 

There are lots of uses for it but mainly I use it just to hang out with people. Recently, I started branching out and joining different ‘fandom’ discord servers. I first joined an Arrowverse server, then just a server for people who ship a certain couple on one of the tv shows. 

But then I binged all of Agents of Shield and I wanted to find somewhere to talk about it, make some friends. So I joined a server and it started off pretty great. Everyone was very kind. We all love Marvel and Agents of Shield. 

Here’s where it turns into an experience (SPOILERS FOR AGENTS OF SHIELD) -

In Agents of Shield and the Marvel Universe in general, there is an organization called Hydra, which was founded by Nazis. Agents of Shield deals with Hydra a lot and one of the main cast members turns out to be a member of Hydra hidden within Shield. The actor Brett Dalton seems like an absolute sweetheart, I’ve actually seen him in person at Dragon-Con a few times and he’s one of those actors that refuses to sit behind his table, he stands in front of it to talk to his fans, give hugs, handshakes, etc.

People were talking about how apparently because of him being a Hydra member in the show and saying things like ‘Hail Hydra’ with fans or maybe even randomly (I’m not sure the context of that - if someone asked him to say it with them or whatever), that people cancelled him and that’s why he only does Hallmark movies now. Which is something I find ridiculous for a few reasons. 

Brett Dalton is an actor. He is given a role and he plays it. If that is a good guy or bad guy, it doesn’t matter, he reads the lines and acts the part. The fact that people ask him to repeat lines or certain lines get more famous than others is not his fault. 

This brought into question why certain people would even have ‘Hail Hydra’ as a favorite line. Which was incredibly stupid of a question in my opinion. 

Hydra is an iconic enemy organization within the Marvel Universe

‘Hail Hydra’ is a quick and easy line to say vs longer quotes

It comes from many iconic scenes in the franchise itself - both within comics & the cinematic universe

Then they questioned why anyone would be a fan of Hydra at all when it’s a Nazi run organization - a fictional, Nazi run organization. I pointed that out and they scoffed at that and said it doesn’t matter. So instead I tried the following reasons -

Some people just love to root for the bad guy - no matter how bad

Favorite actors/actresses play the villains

It’s ‘edgey’ to root for the bad guys

In the end they didn’t buy any of that as good enough reasoning and said that deep down every person who was a fan of Hydra must secretly be a Nazi or Nazi sympathizer and that even if Brett Dalton was a nice guy, he shouldn’t go around saying ‘Hail Hydra’ because some Jewish people have stated it makes them uncomfortable. 

Listen, if something makes you uncomfortable, you have the right to say that it does and if it is a good enough reason then maybe that person will change what they are doing, hell, maybe everyone else will agree with you. But I find this entire thing incredibly stupid. If you watch anything from Marvel and expect not to run into something referencing Hydra then you are either naive or incredibly foolish. If Hydra triggers you, if Nazism triggers you, just stay away from Marvel.

“But we should make Marvel available for everyone!”

No, we can’t make everything available for everyone. That is literally impossible. Should some Marvel content have less Nazi references in it for those triggered by it? Sure, I’m sure there is something out there for them. 

But this isn’t even the end of this experience I had on this server. I thought we ended this conversation on good terms. But I’ll never know if they were secretly reporting me to the server owner or not. The next bit is when I was given a ‘warning’ not to open my mouth again on my beliefs or I would be kicked from the server. 

It started when I saw people just saying things like “America is such shit” and “Yeah, America is such garbage” - even the Americans were saying this. Now I’m a proud American but I understand that the media is very influential, so I tried to be diplomatic in my approach. I entered by saying something like - “America definitely has its problems, that’s for sure, but so does every country - still, look how far we’ve come!”

Responses were not kind to that. They were insistent on just pointing out all the flaws in America. From apparently rampant racism, a fascist regime, terrible public education.

I once again tried to approach diplomatically. I simply said that there is racism everywhere, I don’t think I touched the fascist regime comment, and I agreed on the terrible public education comment. Which spiraled into a talk about our public education system. We all pretty much agreed that our public education system is shit… which I still don’t understand how someone can want more government when the government fucks everything they already run up. 

I’m not sure how it went from that to talking about being able to choose who to serve at your business. It’s hard to remember exactly. I just remember the whole Christian Baker thing being brought up but it turns out we were talking about two separate cases. 

They were talking about a case where a baker was contacted by a lesbian couple and that baker released their information to a hate website, later they sued the baker and won. Which - yeah, that baker deserved to be milked for every last dime. 

But I was talking about a baker that was contacted by a gay couple to make a ‘gay cake’ - this baker said no because it was against his religion, and even told them that he doesn’t make Halloween or Anti-American cakes but he’d happily make them other desserts. But they still sued him and originally the gay couple won but it was taken to the Supreme Court and the baker won the suit. I think it’s a good thing the baker won that case. 

No one should be able to tell you who you should or should not serve. If a gay baker is contacted by a homophobic person and is asked to make an anti-LGBTQ+ cake, they should have every right to say “no, I will not.” in the same way a Christian baker should have every right not to make a ‘gay cake’ or a cake covered in penises or an anti-Christ cake. 

Do I think it’s dumb not to make a cake for someone just because it’s gay? Yes. Take the business. In the same way I think if a gay person turns down someone just for being straight it’s dumb. But that is their right. 

But apparently because this is how I believe, I have borderline Nazi ideology and was told that if I didn’t keep my mouth shut when they spout off about politics, I would be kicked from the server. The message I received was laughable at best. All about making a ‘safe-space’ for members of the fandom from all ages, genders and orientations. 

How impressionable young people are around (a few sentences ago it was children - which, there are no children in this server, teenagers, they are teenagers) and that it may influence their minds and opinions in the future - as if their spouting off about how much they hate America and all of their political opinions won’t? The hypocrites. 

Then came the point in the message where I was basically called a Nazi. Which… really? I’m autistic, non-binary, lesbian, with several disabilities. The Nazis would have put me in the front of the line to be executed. The gall these people have to think that I could ever agree with Nazis or Nazism. I’ve been to the Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington, DC. I’ve watched unfiltered footage from WWII of the Concentration Camps and what they did to people like me. It’s disturbing to me how ignorant these people are of what Nazism actually is but mostly it’s sad because of how intolerant they are of anything but their own point of view.

The final bit of the message was about how I had treated people flippantly despite how they expressed their discomfort. Again - the gall of these fucking people. Not one person ever fucking said they were uncomfortable when we were talking. I would have stopped talking about politics immediately if one person spoke up. They just kept talking, kept responding to my messages, but instead they went and tattled on me to the server owner. 

So, instead of staying in a server where I was told to just sit down and shut up, I messaged the owner back and told them exactly what I just told all of you. I also told them that they are exactly what is wrong with everyone today, why everyone is so divided and why no one talks to each other anymore. That going through life being unable to hear opposing opinions when they don’t do you any harm is a sad way to live. That it did make me sad that they had just assumed the worst in me because I did enjoy my time there, I even spent a solid month editing a photo as a Christmas gift to the server.

I apologized for making anyone uncomfortable but also told them that no one ever said anything. Then told them I won’t apologize for anything else and that I wouldn’t bother sticking around. Why would I? Everyone had been secretly talking about me it seems. No one had the same opinions as me and no one wanted to hear them. What was the point? So I just left the server. 

Being autistic makes it so hard to understand social queues in real life, doing so online is pretty much impossible unless you use emojis that have certain connotations linked to them. I generally have to take people at face value of what they are saying. If no one says that they are uncomfortable - I assume they aren’t. If no one tells me that I’m breaking a rule or doing something wrong, why would I assume differently? Mostly though it hurt me that they all just sat there and decided that I was pretty much a Nazi when I’d been nothing but nice to them. I thought we were becoming friends, some of us anyway. 

It just proves that once more, the crowd of ‘tolerance’ is the least tolerable. Now I have no Agents of Shield server and I miss my almost friends. 

[thisstableground]

2, 6, 14, 24 and 29 for Vansnavi; 10, 3, 26 for Vanessa/Ruben, and 7, 16, 25 and 27 for the trio? :o)

usnavi/vanessa

2. Who is the big spoon/Who is the little spoon?

has there ever, ever beenany question that usnavi is a little spoon? look at the man. it has a sort of weighted blanket effect on him and helps him wind down. vanessa doesn’tmind a bit of little-spooning as a post-coital cuddle but she can’t standsleeping that way, it makes her feel too claustrophobic. it actually takes thema while to figure this out though because of Gendered Assumptions andusnavi being too embarrassed to admit he just wants someone to cuddle him veryfirmly bc he likes feeling Small and Compact and Loved, but they both sleepmuch better once they do.

6. Who would have reallydeep emotional thoughts at the middle of the night/ Who would have them in themiddle of the day?

vanessa is dead to thegoddamn world at night and has her deep thoughts in the brightness of the daywhen she’s at full power and wanting everything fiercely and intensely and readyto go get it. usnavi is too busy to process any feelings properly untilnighttime when he tends to get overamped and understimulated by the quiet andis prone to bouts of insomniac thinking in circles.

14. Who kills the spiders?

neither of them. usnavigets all creeped out by them and vanessa scoffs and rolls her eyes like “god i’llget it then, you giant baby” but she won’t actually go near them herself, shevacuums them up, so usnavi always ends up getting it in a cup before she canbecause he has this intense fear that if she does it might lay eggs inside thevacuum cleaner and the next time they use it it’ll just spit out a thousandtiny spiders all over the apartment and then both of them will have to die immediately

24. Who is the talker/ Whois the listener?

usnavi is the talker, forthe most part, to nobody’s surprise! vanessa sometimes feels like she isn’tcontributing as much bc in her mind usnavi is also a better listener than her,bc even though he’s a chatterbox he pays such close attention on the times shedoes talk about serious stuff. but usnavi thinks that vanessa never, ever gives himthat look that some people give him where it’s like “what the fuck are you onabout?”, the one that makes him feel like he’s babbling stupidly, because evenwhen she’s teasing him or when he actually is talking absolute nonsense she still always makes sure to listen to him.

29. Who is the better cook?

vanessa. neither of themare amazing, to be honest – both make like, forgettably decent food, butvanessa’s tends to at least have more components and more effort put in. ithink that vanessa never really had much in the way of nice family meals - she mostly fed herself even as a very young kid - and when she’s older develops a sortof weirdly aggressive and vengeful self-care attitude. so her mom doesn’t careabout her, so fucking what? she’ll care about herself. she’ll make herself a nice dinner even though she’sthe only one who’ll appreciate the effort. she doesn’t need anyone else. usnavi has the exactopposite attitude:he has actually been taught how to cook by his parents and abuela, butif he’s the only one he’s cooking for, what’s the point inmaking an effort? the only time he really tries is when he’s cooking for him and sonny, and even then he just doesn’t haveany spare mental energy left to make it really good because cooking is exhausting. he isn’t terrible at it.it’s just like, yeah, this food is fine.

vanessa/ruben

10. Who likes sweet/ Who likessour?

i actually think both ofthem have a bit of a sweet tooth. they both like little pastries and bakedtreats and sugary starbucks mocha whatevers that they keep Very Much A Secretfrom usnavi. that said, i also think that vanessa is the one who grew up with alot more of the kind of mexican candy that is sold in the bodega, the stuffthat’s spicy-sour-sweet-salty all at once but definitely leaning harder towardssour.and ruben is the one who prefersall his alcoholic drinks fruity and sweet and sugary.

3. Who hogs the cover/ Wholoves to cuddle?

vanessa rolls herself up in a lil vanessa burrito while she sleeps andmaintains an unbreakable grip on the sheets that ruben doesn’t have the heart to trytoo hard to break, so he goes and gets another blanket and then wakes up anhour later realising that she has stolen this one too. (but when ruben has anightmare then vanessa gives up all the covers to wrap him up so that he issafe and covered up)

they both love to cuddle but also have limits –they’re actually far more likely to cuddle for a bit while awake then fallasleep just holding hands to give each other a little bit more breathing room.

26. Who likes to eathealthy/ Who loves junk food?

they’re both asimilar level of fairly healthy but not overly invested in diet. they get a decentamount of vegetables. vanessa is definitely a snacker and also eats nutelladirectly out of the jar more than a grown adult probably should, but rarely misses proper meals. ruben eatsmore healthy in general but when he’s working on a project he’ll eat likegarbage and drink a thousand cups of coffee.

trio

7. Who sweats the smallstuff?

rubeeeeen. oh my, soruben. even this far into the relationship there’s a lot of “are they mad at me? i think vanessa isblinking in a way that means she’s mad. i forgot to close the door on the wayinto the living room and i just shut it now but Will We All Die? Probably!! And it will be my fault!!!!”.usnavi sometimes does too but that tends to be more as part of an anxietyspiral down one path that gets more specific and detailed the longer it goeson, whereas ruben is just a constant level of small stuff being sweated.

16. Who is scared ofthunderstorms?

ruben again. it annoys thehell out of him because it’s always half Logic Brain being like “it’s just afucking thunderstorm it poses no danger to me” and he actually quite likesheavy rain sans storm, but there’s half PTSD Brain just being right on edge becauseLoud Noise = Danger, and if it’s a really bad day then the rolling of thunderturns very easily into the sound of a plane’s engines and it’s all downhillfrom there.

25. Who wears the otherones clothes?

they all wear each othersclothes. ruben’s sweaters are for vanessa when she doesn’t want to admit she’sfeeling vulnerable and needs the comfort, rubens good-quality boxer briefs solvea sensory discomfort that usnavi did not realise he had been having for years.usnavi’s big baggy t-shirts are vanessa’s pajamas (she switches out for adifferent one once it stops smelling like him). usnavi’s hat goes on ruben’shead during bad panic attacks as a physical comfort without actual physical contact. rubenlikes vanessa’s cheap, tight lazy-day tshirts as a makeshift sort of pressure vest.usnavi likes vanessa’s yoga pants because they make his legs look good.

27. Who takes a longshower/ Who sings in the shower?

vanessa on the whole takesthe longest showers. look at how much hair she has. she is part yeti. it takesso long just to get it all wet. there’s so much of it. she sheds everywhere inthe shower and its maybe the one cleaning related thing that usnavi gets pissyabout. ruben takes the second longest in general because he has most of his bigscientific revelations in the shower and also bc he shaves his downstairs zoneso, yknow, thats not an activity to be rushed (though on bad days he has short showers or doesn’t shower at all bc too triggering). usnavi is either the quickest bya very long way or, depending on how into whatever album he’s listening towhile he’s in there, could be a full hour, because he is absolutely the one whosings in the shower.

[pass-the-bechdel]

Marvel Cinematic Universe: Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)

Does it pass the Bechdel Test?

Yes, once.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Seven (30.43% of cast).

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Sixteen.

Positive Content Rating:

Three.

General Film Quality:

Significantly flawed, and well-known in fandom for it. Unpopular opinion? I still think it’s better than the first Avengers film.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:

Passing the Bechdel:

Natasha and Laura pass in a single-line trade. It’s sooo close to not counting.

Female characters:

Natasha Romanoff.

Wanda Maximoff.

Maria Hill.

Helen Cho.

Peggy Carter.

Laura Barton.

FRIDAY.

Male characters:

Tony Stark.

Steve Rogers.

JARVIS.

Thor.

Clint Barton.

Strucker.

Pietro Maximoff.

Bruce Banner.

Ultron.

Sam Wilson.

James Rhodes.

Ulysses Klaue.

Heimdall.

Nick Fury.

Erik Selvig.

Vision.

OTHER NOTES:

Everyone talking about Strucker like we already know who he is...

The “Shit!”/”Language!” gag was funnier before they hung a lantern on it. Not least because it takes almost a full minute before Tony harks back to it (fifty seconds, actually. I checked). If you’re gonna make a Thing out of it, you gotta follow up immediately, not after fifty seconds of cutting around to different character intros and action shots and a whole lot of other dialogue. 

Urrgghh, ok, I’m going to break my standing rule about not discussing source material, because we gotta acknowledge the colossal wrongness of re-writing the Maximoff twins - canonically Jewish Romani - as willing volunteers in a Nazi science experiment. It gets worse the more you think about it. There are a few things about this movie which generated significant negative outcry, and this incredibly offensive decision is one of them.

Tony and Thor fighting over who has a better girlfriend does have a certain charm to it. If you’re gonna have a testosterone-off, it might as well be about how great your partner is.

I got a zero out of ten on this out-of-nowhere forced romance crap with Natasha and Bruce. We’ll come back to this later.

“I will be reinstituting Prima Nocta,” Tony declares, as he prepares to lift Thor’s hammer and thereby theoretically take charge of the Nine Realms. Primae noctis (believed to in fact be a myth) refers to a supposed Dark-Ages law that granted lords the ‘right’ to take the virginity of any newlywed peasant woman who lived on their land. So, this is a wonderful little rape joke from Tony (or, y’know, not so little, since primae noctis in reality would make Tony a serial rapist). Ha ha ha ha. Hilarious. Good one.

I’m really mad about the parts here that are total garbage, because mostly, the revels sequence has a nice low-key quality to it, good solid team dynamics. 

I can’t fucking believe that they played the ‘and then Bruce falls with his face in Natasha’s cleavage!’ gag. I cannot believe it. Is this a disgusting frat-boy comedy from the nineties?

Honestly, Tony, just shut up and admit that you KNEW from the get-go that it was wrong to try and make Ultron happen (that is why you kept it secret from everyone else to begin with); don’t try to defend the decision now that you’ve got a ‘murderbot’ on your hands. Take responsibility for a bad choice instead of talking shit about how you had to and everyone else is just too short-sighted, damn it! 

Andy Serkis is delightful.

The Iron Man/Hulk fight absolutely KILLS the momentum of this film. It goes for way the fuck too long (eight minutes) and has no narrative significance at all. Pro tip for action scenes: they should always be driving the story somewhere. You can pull off eighty minutes of action so long as your plot is advancing alongside/within it.

Also, Iron Man causes a huge amount of additional damage during this fight, in the service of the aforementioned pointless action. His efforts to minimise Hulk’s effects are extremely poor, and calling in his relief organisation to clean up after the fact does not negate that. 

Gotta love that throwing a wife and kids at Hawkeye at the same time as we suddenly start pushing this Natasha/Bruce thing. That’s not transparent at all. I also understand this to be a major deviation from Clint’s identity in the comics, and very unpopular with fans for that reason, but regardless; reinventing him as a family man to reset the romantic blather after baiting fans with the possibility of Clint/Natasha in the first Avengers movie is such a shitty move. I was not invested in the ship myself and would have loved to have them reinforce the just-friends relationship between Hawkeye and Black Widow, because there are not enough platonic friendships between compatible men and women in fiction, but 'they’re not interested in each other because they’re busy with someone else!’ is a weak reinforcement indeed. Less forced romances, and definitely less token wifey who exists for no other Goddamn reason at all. This comes out of nowhere, and not in a clever-surprise kind of way.

“You still think you’re the only monster on the team?” Natasha says, after telling Bruce about her sterilisation. This earned a HUGE backlash, and for good reason - despite all arguments about how what Natasha meant was that her being raised to be an assassin makes her a monster, the direct implication of her words as they are phrased and as the discussion is structured is that her inability to have children makes her monstrous, and that’s deeply offensive. It’s also completely in keeping with a narrative which is often played out against women, in which their value as people is attributed directly to their ability to produce offspring, so it’s not even like this outrageous implication of monstrosity - the corruption of what it means to be female! - is that unusual. It’s awful, but not unusual. Add on the fact that 1) Natasha’s nightmare-flashes specifically foregrounded her sterilisation over all other details of her training, supporting the idea that she believes that it’s what makes her irredeemable (instead of, y’know, all the murdering and stuff), and 2) this is Joss Whedon’s work and he is OBSESSED with highlighting the womanhood of his female characters and treating it like their defining trait while also variously punishing them for it, and you’ve got every reason to interpret this terrible fucking line as exactly the heinous thing it (presumably, unwittingly) seems to be. 

Steve ripping a log in half with his bare hands is the funniest thing in this whole movie.

Thor’s brief side-adventure with Erik Selvig is pretty out-of-place. He just...goes for a swim in a convenient magic pond that Selvig chances to know about. Seems normal.

Ultron is full of such boring, empty rhetoric. Reminds me of Loki in The Avengers, with all that sound-and-fury. 

I love Paul Bettany.

Man, they sure do find Natasha instantly. It’s almost like making a damsel-in-distress of her who needs to be rescued by the team was completely meaningless...

Breaking my no-BTS rule (since I already have done for this movie at this point) because it’s well-known how Joss Whedon ordered Elizabeth Olsen not to show exertion or ‘ugly emotion’ on her face in this film, because God forbid she compromise her attractiveness by being human. Joss Whedon is not human; he’s fucking trash. 

The final fight sure does just, y’know, get to a point where it ends. They really did not ratchet up the tension over the course of the Sokovia conflict, it just goes along until it stops (also, they say Sokovia is a country, but then they never call the city anything else, it’s just Sokovia. Is the city conveniently named after the country (very confusing), or is it a city-country, like The Vatican? I kinda assume it’s option three, which is that no one bothered to care because it’s just some fake European placeholder anyway and we’re not supposed to notice such a dumb oversight).

“I was born yesterday.” This is the best quip in this whole thinks-it-is-way-wittier-than-it-is movie.

Helen Cho deserved better than to be a prop rapidly dismissed and then just trotted past at the end for an ‘oh, she survived, btw’. 

Back when I reviewed the first Avengers movie, I said that I considered that film to be heavily overrated, so maybe it’s not such a surprise that I actually like this one better. The two primary problems I had with that first film were the overly simplistic plot, and the fact that most of the characters were OOC compared to previous films, and this movie does do better on both scores, so I feel more engaged by it, and less annoyed. That said...this movie has still got a lot of problems, and those include iffy characterisation and a plot with various holes, nonsensical complications, and conveniently ignored or smoothed-down dynamics. When I say I like this movie better than the first one, I mean just that: I like this better. That does not mean I am here to sing its praises. 

The tacked-on romance is part of the problem - for Clint as well as Natasha (but especially for Natasha). After Hawkeye was so heavily under-used in the first film (and his slightly-ambiguous relationship with Black Widow was the only human element that made him a character instead of a prop), Age of Ultron attempts to compensate by giving Clint a personal life, in the form of a magically-appearing heavily-pregnant wife and a pair of nameless children. The function of this family appears to be 1) to give Clint a reason to not be interested in Natasha, and 2) to ‘humanise’ him by giving him something to fight for and get home to, because we all know nothing legitimises a character quite like some otherwise-irrelevant dependents. Want a man to seem lovable and important? Give him a pregnant wife. That’s what women are for, anyway, right? To enhance a man’s story? In this case, to provide a man whose purpose in the story has been contested with insta-personality, because ‘he’s secretly a family man, ooh, twist!’ is way better than having to spend time on giving him something to do in the plot that is actually meaningful in some way. Great logic. Makes Hawkeye super dynamic, right? 

Natasha, unsurprisingly, is hit much, much harder. As the only female avenger and one of only two prominent female characters in a cast which has seven-to-nine male characters of equal or greater importance/screen time (YMMV on whether or not you think Fury and Vision count for that list), the pressure is already on for Natasha to be served up a quality narrative, because if she doesn’t get one, well...she doesn’t have six-to-eight alternative characters to pull the weight for her gender. The best solve for this problem would be to avoid the ‘Token Woman’ cliche in the first place, but since we missed that boat...not having the personal story of your only primary female character revolve completely around her womanhood and her catering to heteronormative expectations of a love interest would have been a good choice. This weird, forced, chemistry-free thing with Bruce Banner? Was the worst thing they could have used to define Natasha’s presence in the film. It sticks out like a sore thumb every time they have an awkward interaction, and it leads in to that atrocious ‘monstrous infertility’ element (though that particular egregious mistake could have been included with or without a romantic blunder, it...probably wouldn’t be, and we’d all be the better off). Even the Hulk-whisperer part of the relationship - while not awful on its own with all the unnecessary romance and Unresolved Sexual Not-Tension removed - serves to highlight Natasha’s female-ness by making her the soft maternal figure for the team, because God forbid one of the other male members of the team be asked to ASMR-speak to the Hulk while delicately caressing his hand. If Natasha’s presence in the first Avengers film leaned too heavily on her gender identity as a defining trait (and it did), this movie doesn’t fix that problem at all: it doubles down on it. 

The good news for most of the excess of male characters is, they by-and-large don’t feel as OOC as they did in the first film. The boorish romantic entanglement aside, Bruce Banner is still a naturalistic character highlight (all credit to Mark Ruffalo, who probably doesn’t know how to turn in a bad performance in the first place), and Thor’s dialogue is way less ridiculous this time ‘round, so he lands a lot closer to his personality from previous films simply by virtue of sounding like the same guy (unfortunately, the plot does not have the faintest idea what it wants to do with him as a character). Steve Rogers is still being written as if being Captain America is his character, which is a fundamental misunderstanding of his identity, albeit one which conveniently allows him to behave in a stereotypical self-righteously bland manner, thus avoiding the need for any nuance in his perspective or actions. This borderline fanfic-flamer ‘Captain America is my least favourite character so I’m going to write him as a boring stick-in-the-mud and then hopefully no one else will like him either!’ approach doesn’t grate quite as badly as it did in the first Avengers, and it can’t cancel out the innate level-headed charm of Chris Evans, so as disappointing as the bias is, it’s still a better balance here than it was last time. The one character who is not so flatteringly handled, however? Also happens to be the one who was arguably handled best last time, and unfortunately, he’s the one who is essentially treated as the ‘lead’. 

The big problem for Tony Stark is that this movie is not interested in digging in to the pathos of any character, it’s all-flash-no-substance on that front, and Tony really, really needed a less heavy-handed slathering of ‘afraid of what might come (feat. messiah complex)’ to motivate his actions and reactions in this film, because without any exploration he’s basically just a billionaire kid playing with matches. If this were an Iron Man film (either the first or third one, anyway), we’d get into some tasty deconstruction of Tony’s mental state and confront his hubris, etc, and - crucially, most crucial of all, it’s a mainstay of all his past stories in the MCU - Tony would own up to his mistakes, listen to the advice of those around him, and take contrite steps toward fixing the problem not just in the direct sense of ‘beating the bad guy’, but also in the personal and emotional sense of working on his own flaws and making amends with the people he hurt along the way. This movie offers none of that. To begin with, Tony’s ‘I know best and I will not be taking any questions’ approach to creating Ultron feels like a significant step backwards in his character development so far (Iron Man 3 was specifically about addressing his PTSD and associated tumultuous emotions surrounding the fear of imminent alien invasion, so his reactionary and secretive behaviour in this film feels particularly out-of-touch with a mental reality Tony has been explicitly working on for the past couple of years); Tony is actively aware that it’s a bad call and thus hides it from the other Avengers until it’s too late, and then he’s bizarrely unrepentant about his mistake. Worst of all, he actually attempts to repeat that mistake, only worse, late in the film (the fact that his idiotic ‘mad scientist’ pep talk actually convinces Bruce to help him again is the weakest character moment for Bruce outside of the aforementioned romance crap). The plot rewards Tony’s second, far worse mistake, in the creation of Vision, who turns out to be ‘worthy of wielding Thor’s Hammer’ and whatnot and conveniently provides every necessary skill to defeat Ultron in a deus ex machina so overt you could use it as a textbook example, so even though Tony had absolutely no way of knowing that he’d get a good result this time and almost every reason to believe he’d just compound the existing problem, his reckless disregard for the literal safety of the planet is treated like a good thing because it happens to work out this time, and they just kinda sweep under the rug the fact that Tony is playing God (and being uncharacteristically stupid and selfish about it - in other films, Tony is normally only reckless with his own safety, and it’s when his actions spill out into unintended consequences for others that he realises the error of his ways and cues up a positive learning curve; it’s what makes him palatable). At the end of the film, once Ultron is gone and Tony has thrown some dispassionate wads of cash into ‘relief efforts’, he strolls and quips and eventually drives off into the sunset in his expensive car, with nary a mention of, I dunno, maybe a little guilty conscience? Maybe a hint of having learned a valuable lesson? The closest he gets is just suggesting that it might be time he retires from Avenging, but neither he nor anyone else lets on that there’s a need for serious self-reflection. The Tony Stark in this movie is the nightmarish male-fantasy version of the character, the playboy with the cool tech and no limits who does whatever he wants and then...literally rides off into the sunset in the end, no muss, no fuss. He’s kinda like a complete reversion to his original self, pre-Iron Man, frittering money around and designing weapons of mass destruction while convincing himself he’s bringing peace to the world one explosion at a time, but that Tony has no business here, seven years of character development down the track.

While we’re talking iffy characterisation, we should also segue into plot, and that’s something we can do easily enough by looking at our villain, Ultron. Calling Ultron an actual character feels...ambitious. He’s a CGI robot full of empty rhetoric and, you guessed it, more of those quips that this movie has in place of any meaningful dialogue. I’d call him self-fellating, but he ain’t got nothing to fellate, so instead he just blathers a lot in a manner that sounds vaguely poetically intelligent but is, upon a moment’s consideration, just vapid nonsense (much like Loki in the first Avengers, as noted above, but at least Loki had the benefit of a flesh-and-blood actor delivering his lines with conviction; James Spader does solid work as the voice of Ultron, but trying to make a CGI robot who spouts a school-kid’s attempt at edgy philosophy sound like a genuine menace is an uphill battle). Speaking of genuine menace, I assume the reason the film is called Age of Ultron is because A Couple of Days of Ultron Causing Disturbances in a Handful of Specific Locations was too much. For all the big talk (and there is..so much), Ultron doesn’t get up to all that much trouble, most notably in the sense that he apparently has his code all over the internet and yet he doesn’t bother stirring up a single ounce of chaos with that ungodly power. Why bother including this as an element of the character if it achieves zero story? Is it purely to make Ultron seem ~unstoppable~ because he keeps downloading into new robots? Because it didn’t really land, y’all. They try to play it like a big victory for the good guys when Vision burns Ultron out of the ‘net, but in context it’s meaningless because he didn’t do anything while he was there. Pretty much everything about Ultron was all talk, little to no action - even a whole bunch of the trouble he did cause happened off-screen, with Maria Hill just popping in to let us know that ‘there are reports of metal men stealing shit’. Cheers, cool. And you know, Ultron makes a song and dance about how he’s going to save the world by ‘ending the Avengers’, but then he...does not pursue that at all. He tries to make himself a pretty body, the Avengers thwart him, and then he enacts a doomsday machine to destroy all life on Earth. Like every other aspect of the character, the whole ‘end the Avengers’ schtick is just white noise, there’s no meaning in it. Ultron is just a same-old-same ‘What if Artificial Intelligence wants to WIPE US OUT?!’ cliche, and maybe that’s what he was in the comics too, I don’t know, but it’s the job of the film to tell that story in a dynamic way, and they had two and a half hours to do it. And yet.

There should be more to this than a nondescript placeholder villain concept and a series of action set pieces that just kinda happen until they stop. At least the first Avengers had some variety in each of its action sequences, using the location and the different skills and weapons of its antagonists, whereas this one is just ‘there are robots and the good guys punched and shot them until they were all broken, the end’. Even making the city fly in the end doesn’t actually make it interesting, not least because the characters spend most of their time running around the (weirdly, perfectly stable) streets not having to deal with any consequences of being up in the air anyway, and the doomsday device is too nebulous to ratchet up any real tension about figuring out how to deal with it. The conflicts with the Maximoff twins have at least some spark of life in them, but the characters themselves are treated to an over-simplified and very contrived narrative arc that uses what they do and what they know more as plot devices than as details of actual people’s lives, leading to a cheap death for Pietro so that Wanda will be distracted enough to abandon the big ol’ doomsday button, and it’s just all so convenient. There’s no heart in any of it, and it makes the moments that try to have heart all the more embarrassing and out-of-place (don’t even get me started on what a prescribed attempt at tugging the heart-strings it is to have Hawkeye name his magnificently well-timed newborn after Pietro, because DAMN). When I said I liked this movie better than the first Avengers, I meant just that: I like this better. That’s not to suggest that it is significantly better in any sense, because it isn’t, and I can’t even argue that this one has a better story, because honestly, it doesn’t. The first film made more sense, it was just less interesting to watch, and the things about it that were contrived were contrived in different ways. The first film was weaker and more irritating on character, and character is always the most important part of a story for me, so as annoyed as I am by the major character blunders in Age of Ultron, I’m still not as annoyed as I was after The Avengers. That is damning with the faintest of praise; this is just not a particularly good movie, it makes a poor use of its cast at the best of times, delivers a sub-par action extravaganza, and the script is not half as witty as it gleefully convinces itself that it is. It comes as no surprise, I’m sure, that I am very glad a certain writer/director departed the franchise after disappointing everyone with this outing. I say I like this better than the first Avengers, but gee, it’s a close call.

[murphystartedthefire]

a quick Elephant-in-the-Room post

(I was typing up a post on this anyway, but I just got an inbox ask about it so it was good timing I guess.)

So for the record -- I'm not linking to a TMZ article because TMZ is garbage.

I'm not sharing mugshot pics.

I hope that Quincy, Marie, and those close to them get whatever form of help and support they need.

As much as you admire someone's creative work, their public persona, their interactions with you online or at conventions, they're human beings and you DON'T know them.

Fans who hate her fictional character reacting gleefully or like they've been Validated by this news can shut the fuck up.

Fans who love her fictional character reacting over-defensively can also shut up.

In general maaaybe you should step back and treat this as a teachable moment by imagining how you would react to this exact same set of facts if it was [Insert Your Fave] or [Insert Your Least Fave] and if you would be reacting differently, interrogate that.

(And before you deflect by saying "well *I* have faves that aren't trash and would NEVER be in this position", see above re: you don't actually know any of these people.)

And that is all I will say about this, at least for the time being.

(except for this quick rundown under the ‘read more’ for anyone confused what this post is about)

Marie Avgeropoulos (Octavia) was arrested last night on domestic violence charges for assaulting her boyfriend. Said boyfriend paid her bail and wants to drop the charges, apparently saying it was triggered by her being on "new meds" and mixing them with alcohol. TMZ, who broke the story and who I cannot stress enough should get *no clicks from anyone ever*, framed it like he called 911 to "diffuse" the situation and did not realize the cops would arrest her.

Basically there's just enough detail for stans to claim it was a mistake/misunderstanding and for others to want her career ended as a domestic abuser. But frankly, I would caution people from jumping to either conclusion (that she's a Terrible Person or that it was Nothing) too quickly.

This news hurt my heart because it speaks to serious shit going on in people's lives behind the cameras, and I know it will only be made worse for the people involved by media & fandom attention. IMO the bottom line is you weren't there for this incident or any other part of these people’s relationship or lives, and your positive or negative feelings about a TV show should not dictate your assumptions about it.

[smashbuddies]

Heart Exchange

It was time to do something. For months now Snail had been hanging around, almost torturing him with this game of “try to guess what we are”, and it infuriated him. So he had to make the move. He had to push for more than this friends with benefits situation.

His reflection looked terrified for a moment. But he took a deep breath, and straightened out his tie. He’d been through this before. The worst case scenario couldn’t be too bad when you’re already numb to it, right? And he was numb. Of course he was. Why wouldn’t he be? It would be fine.

The doorbell rang, and he rushed down the stairs to go answer it. As expected, Snail stood there, dressed how they usually were even though he asked them to dress up a little. Actually no, they had a little clip-on bowtie on their shirt.

“Cute,” he muttered, already tired. But of course, he really didn’t expect much else. “It wouldn’t kill you to look nice every once in a while.”

“You don’t know that,” they countered with a grin. Then their eyes moved past him, and a frown took over. “Uh, why’s your house lit like a horror movie?”

“God, it’s mood lighting, you prick,” he hissed as he stepped aside to let them in. “I made dinner for us. Daniyal isn’t home, so I thought I’d do something a little special. But I guess you wouldn’t know romance if it dropped right on your thick skull like a brick.”

They had brushed past him, but they froze in place. “Romance…?”

Fuck.

“C’mon,” he rushed out and grabbed their hand to drag them along. “I don’t want the food getting cold.”

He sat down in his place, ready to dig into the soup he had made for himself. Though he carefully watched as Snail slowly sat down, eyes locked onto their own plate like they couldn’t believe what they were seeing.

“You made me a burger,” they said, one eyebrow raised up at him. “What is this, turkey, or tofu, or some shit?”

“Pure beef,” he answered honestly. “You can check the fridge, I still have some leftover.”

A single fry was held up gently between their fingers. “And you actually fried these?”

“Happened to buy a little fryer a week ago,” he replied, eyes now firmly on his own food. “Figured I’d make some use out of it.”

The silence spoke for them. Bullshit.

“Anyway,” he said before they could call him out, “give it a try. I did my best, so you better like it.”

That wasn’t at all what he wanted to say. Damn his stupid fucking mouth, why couldn’t it just work for him for once? Oh well, no use in dwelling on it.

He risked a glance over at them, and wasn’t surprised that they had already taken a huge bite out of it. Carefully, he watched their face. Doubt. Confusion. Realization…

And pure delight. They instantly lit up in a way he’d only seen when he bought them some garbage fast food they really liked. And, well, he would’ve taken that as an insult if they weren’t so damn happy.

“This is really fucking good,” they praised with their mouth half full, already going in for a second bite.

Oh. His heart skipped a beat, and he had to put a hand to his chest to keep it from leaping out. Something about them changed in that moment. He didn’t quite know what, but he wanted to see more of it. He wanted to cook for them more and make all the foods they liked. Just to see that look on their face again.

“Uh, can I help you?”

“I- what?” Daniel instantly tensed up, straightening his back out even though he didn’t even quite realize he had relaxed so much. “No?”

“Well, you were staring at me,” they teased with The Grin on their smug face. “Guess you just can’t get enough, huh?”

“No,” he softly said before his brain could effectively keep his mouth closed. “I can’t.”

That shut them up. It was almost funny how their eyes grew wide, disbelieving. It was almost funny, and… A little sad?

No matter. Dinner passed by in a comfortable flash after that, with just small chatter about both their respective days. Which was mostly the two of them griping about the idiots they both had to deal with at work.

“There’s no fucking way someone can be that stupid,” Daniel said incredulously. “You can’t ask for something then say that’s not what you wanted! Who the fuck does that?”

“Too many fucking people!” Snail huffed and popped their last fry into their mouth. “It’s such bullshit. I hate clients.”

Daniel then realized that the two of them had been engrossed in conversation a little too long. With a curse, he shot out of his seat and grabbed Snail’s hand so he could drag them off to the living room. After he gestured for them to sit down- which they did with a look that screamed I think you’ve gone crazy, but whatever- he grabbed the remote, and sure enough…

“Fuck, it’s over!”

Credits rolled across the screen. He huffed and plopped down next to Snail. If he could make the TV explode with just his glare, it most certainly would’ve happened right then.

Snail leaned forward. “Don’t you hate this show?”

“Yeah, but you like it,” he muttered, putting his head in his hands. It felt like his whole plan was falling apart, even though, reasonably, he knew it wasn’t a big deal. “And this whole night is about you.”

“...It is?”

He sighed and dropped his hands into his lap. This was too soon. He wasn’t ready, but what else could he do?

“Yeah, it is. I wanted this to be a great night for you. Food you like, your favorite show, a good fuck. And then… I’d give you something important.”

Snail tried finding looking at him for answer, eyebrows furrowed together. It was like they almost knew what was going to happen. But they couldn’t, right? That would be the last thing on their mind, he knew that.

But still, he took a deep breath. His heart raced. Then slowly, almost hesitantly, he let it free, shaping it into the world. It hurt, just from how many times he’d done this already. His own hands felt too hot, too rough against it. Each dark, ugly scar ached and stung with just the tiniest brush against them. He sure was numb to this, huh?

He turned to Snail, eyes locked onto his heart, and presented it to them. “I’m not perfect. Far from it... But I want to be yours.”

A long moment passed. Then a cool touch settled around his heart, gently pulling it from the terrible safety of his hold. He dared to look up at them, and almost broke at the look on their face.

“I…” They took in a shaky breath, thumbs sweeping across his heart. “Daniel, fuck.”

“You don’t have to accept it,” he assured them, hands now in his lap. “I can live with another scar. It’s really not a big deal.”

That only made the look on their face more pitying. Up until that moment, they had carefully maneuvered around every scar- both the huge gashes and the hairline knicks. But then they gently cradled his heart in one hand, and delicately put a finger to one of the dark lines curving along the edge. Not big or small, but somewhere in the middle. Their eyes were curious.

A shiver ran through him. And with no other choice, he let out a sigh. “Slept with a close friend in college. We were… Looking for very different things.”

Snail let out a soft “oh”. Then they looped their arm around him and pulled him flush against their side, then their hand went right back into position, tracing along and soothing every little line it came across. He practically melted against them, and softly explained each scar. A girl he had gone on a couple dates with that wasn’t too interested, a month-long relationship that ended- albeit on more friendly terms. With each scar Snail touched, they unlocked another story about an idiot who fell far too easily for his own good.

After god only knew how long of talking, they settled on the last scar. The darkest mark on him. It stretched across from top to bottom like a bolt of lightning, jagged lines branching off to fill more space. Even with their careful touch, that one stung just a bit.

“I…” It had been years, why was he choking up? “Fuck, I don’t think I can…”

“You don’t have to,” they said in the most understanding tone he’d ever heard from them. “But if you want to… I think… Fuck, I don’t know.”

A long pause of silence passed. His mouth lost function in that time, but his thoughts raced by a mile a minute. If they stuck around this long, then this wouldn’t drive them away, right?

“I fell in love with the person who helped start my show,” he finally said. The memories almost flashed before his eyes, like an old home movie. Memories he tried locking away. “While I was an intern, they found my ideas and… Gave me my big break. And they were just so kind, so generous, I couldn’t help it. So I gave them my heart, obviously.”

“They sure didn’t treat it well,” Snail muttered bitterly as they ran their finger a long one of the scar’s branches.

“They tried their best,” he insisted, because of course they did. Why wouldn’t they? It was his heart. “But they wouldn’t give me theirs in return. They wanted me to focus on my career first.”

Snail grew a little stiff.

“Anyway, after the show started airing, I… Got a little full of myself. I wanted to fight the decisions they made, the ones I didn’t like. Overblown guests, topics I didn’t care about, segments that just drove me crazy. And they… Didn’t like it.”

A thrum of fear surged through his heart, which Snail no doubt noticed. They held it close to his chest, as if trying to comfort it. “What did they do to you?”

“Nothing,” he answered, but his heart gave away his doubt. “They got pissed, of course. And they yelled, tried to make me see reason. And afterwards, well… I had made them so angry, they slipped up. Accidents happen, I get that.”

The arm around him tightened.

“After a couple years, I made them so angry that they gave my heart back and left,” he finally finished in a rush. “So, there. That’s it, you know my story.”

“...You don’t get a scar like that from accidents.”

That… Was not what he wanted to hear.

“What the fuck do you know!?” he snapped pulling away from them. “They didn’t do anything on purpose, if that’s what you’re trying to say. They cared about me, more than you fucking do! God, just give me my fucking heart back if you’re gonna be like this!”

Despite his anger, his heart only grew more fearful, as if it didn’t want to go back to him. And maybe it didn’t. Maybe he wanted them to keep it, but… Fuck, how could they even think that?

Snail glared at him, hands tightening around his heart. Then they set it on their lap, and took a deep breath, hands cupped in front of them. Slowly, a purple heart filled in.

A purple, scarred heart. Almost exactly like his.

“My last relationship before you was the worst thing to ever happen to me,” they said, voice low. “Mike was an asshole. He took my heart and didn’t give me his. And when he couldn’t control my body, he…”

Daniel grew cold. No, that couldn’t be right. But the scars, that broken look on their face. He didn’t want to believe that anyone could hurt Snail like that, but… Everything said otherwise. So he reached out, hands together, silently beckoning for Snail’s heart. As soon as it was dropped into his hands, he pulled it close, hands as gentle as they could be.

“You were abused,” he said under his breath.

“Yeah,” they sighed out, with his heart back in their hands. “I sure fuckin’ was.”

He pulled Snail’s heart away form himself just to get a closer look. The dark purple lines looked like they were begging for comfort, for someone to just reassure them that everything would be okay. And he could feel Snail’s eyes on him, as if they were ready to snatch it back if he made the wrong move. But could he blame them?

A light touch. Just to test the waters. Snail gasped and had the most visceral reaction he’d ever seen. He quickly pulled his hand away and asked, “Fuck, sorry, did that hurt?”

“No,” they answered, voice strained. “Shit, I just… I’m not used to it feeling like that. It’s… Nice? Fuck, I don’t know.”

His finger went back to the scar, feather-light. It had been an eternity since he held someone else’s heart, he almost forgot what it was like. Soft and warm, but almost as if nothing was there. Hearts were odd. On another plane of existence. But he didn’t care about that philosophical bullshit.

A touch on his own heart surprised him, making a shiver run down his spine. But he kept up his soothing ministrations. After a moment, he even lifted it up closer to his mouth, so he could sing softly to it. A little love song he heard in passing a couple days ago. It had gotten stuck in his head and now he just had to get it out. Their heart thrummed quietly in his hands, making him almost grin.

“The hell are you doing?” Snail asked, giving him a side-eye.

“Some hearts like it when you sing to them.” He pressed a light kiss to it for good measure, then smiled to himself. “Guess yours is one.”

That incredulous look on their face softened. Then, unfortunately, his eyes were drawn to his heart. The scars stood out to him even more now. You don’t get a scar like that from accidents. But they had to be wrong about that.

He looked back to their heart. And it hit him that they couldn’t be. They’d know. Without a shadow of a doubt, they’d know about scars like that. About abuse. What it’s like to be used and manipulated, living in fear of the person you love. And apparently, now he knew too.

“Daniel… Are you crying?”

Well, shit. He sure was. He wiped away the tears with the back of his sleeve, then let out a deep sigh. “I won’t hurt you like he did. Fucking hell, I’m going to keep your heart as safe as I can, Snail.” His finger trailed along one one the unmarked patches of their heart. “I promise. I don’t want to be another scar for you. Just… Please, don’t be one for me too?”

The way his own voice cracked made him wince. But Snail pulled him onto their lap, so they could hold him close. He could feel the firm grip they had on his heart. Like a promise.

“I won’t.”

[conretewings]

-This Ends Now-

A short-ish fanfic based on my future headcanon where Guzma and Plumeria have Fern. They have to go to Melemele Island for some supplies and run into some people they neither expected nor wanted to… -Warning-lots of angst, implied child abuse and language ahead

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“We’re almost there, honey.”

“You talking to me or the munchkin, Plumes?”

“Both, I guess. Although she has been whining less than you about how long it’s taking.”

“Yeah Daddy! No whining!”

“Great, now y’all are ganging up on me. I have not been whining! I’m just hungry. …And I don’t like this ferry. Thing’s been makin’ weird noises.”

Plumeria rolled her eyes but gave Guzma a small smile, turning to show Fern the school of Alomomola that were leaping from the waves created by the boat zipping through the clear, bright waters as they all stood on the ferry’s deck among the other passengers.

The three of them were traveling to Melemele for the day to do some shopping for supplies that were out of stock at their usual stores back home. It was also a special day for little Fern, as it was the first time in her almost four years that she had left Akala’s shores. So excited had the toddler been that it was all she had talked about since they had told her the previous night.

She wriggled in Plumeria’s arms, counting the fish Pokemon before turning her head and gasping in delight, “Mommy look! Is that it?!”

Plumeria glanced up to see the mountains and other features of Melemele quickly growing closer on the horizon, “Yes, that’s it.”

“Daddy daddy hold me up I wanna see!” Fern cried, holding her arms out toward Guzma, who grinned and scooped her up, setting her on his broad shoulders.

Her small, golden eyes grew huge as she clung to her father’s head, trying to get herself as high as possible, “Woooooow!”

Between the balmy, perfect weather, the day’s adventure ahead, and the two people he loved most by his side, Guzma felt his spirits soar higher than the flock of Wingulls drifting overhead. He put his free arm around Plumeria and pulled her close, smirking at her, “Where to first, beautiful?”

“Well…” she smiled back at him, “Since you’re hungry, I guess we’ll grab some food before we start shopping…” her smile faded, “I’m actually surprised you were so relaxed about coming here, considering…everything.”

Guzma’s own smile dropped, realizing at last what she was talking about. Looking away, he was quiet for a minute before saying, “Whatever. Ain’t like anyone’s gonna remember me.”

-Once they arrived, after a bite at a local diner and shopping for several hours, Plumeria had taken Fern to the bathroom while Guzma waited outside. Leaning against a palm tree near the mall’s entry doors, he gazed out over the nearby beach, watching the tourists baking themselves in the sun, kids playing with their Pokemon, and the general bustle of the city streets. He had been right; not once since they docked had anyone seemed to recognize or treat him any differently. For this he was very grateful-the last thing he wanted was for today to be ruined by someone trying to start shit over things that had long past.

Letting his eyes fall shut, he was just thinking of texting Plumeria to ask if they had fallen in, when a wavering voice said his name. Eyes snapping back open, he whipped his head toward the sound, wanting to be wrong, but there she was, mouth half-open in shock, hands clenched over her chest.

He could scarcely breathe but managed to sputter out, “M-Mom?”

“Guzma-! I-we haven’t spoken in nearly two years!” she shuffled over to him, trying to hug him and he shrank away, but she didn’t seem to notice, “I…I’ve missed you, son! Why don’t you ever call? Talk to me please! Where are you now? What have you been doing? What-”

“Whoa, whoa! Mom, slow down,” he pulled out of her vice-grip of a hug and stepped back, trying to focus on all her questions when one suddenly stuck out, “Wait-I have called, like a dozen times but…he always picks up and I ain’t talkin’ to that piece of…” he stopped, rubbing his face hard and breathing deeply before looking back up, “Didn’t he ever tell you?”

His mother blinked in confusion, “No…I had no idea.”

“Tch! Figures…” Guzma spat, lightly kicking a nearby trashcan.

“Oh Guzma, it’s fine. He’s very busy with his job and I’m sure he just forgot to tell me.”

“Forgot to tell you that many times?” he retorted, “C’mon Mom! It was on purpose and you know it. He hates me and doesn’t want you talkin’ to me either! Face it, there is no way in hell that he didn’t pull-”

His voice seemed to catch in his throat along with his breath as his father rounded the corner toward them, “Petunia, you were supposed to meet me-” the man froze at the sight before him, then his gaze hardened, “Well, well. Never thought I’d see you around here…son.”

Guzma felt ill, all of the demons lurking in his mind and heart roaring to the surface, choking out his voice and sending him flying back to his youth, all the darkness there clawing at his senses until there was only raw, agonizing fear left. With great effort and picturing a tiny, gold-eyed angel beaming up at him, he wrestled those thoughts away, managing to bring himself back to the here-and-now and clenched his fists, grey eyes flashing with contempt, “Don’t call me that, you piece of shit.”

Petunia held her hands up, “Stop, please! Edgar,” she pleaded to her husband, “I haven’t seen my sweet child in so long! Please just be nice!”

He spat, “Nice?! After how he just spoke to me? After everything he’s done? I don’t see how you think that’s possible. Listen boy,” he jabbed a finger at Guzma, “I don’t know what you’re doing back home, but if you came crawling back here looking for help, you can forget it!”

Guzma threw his head back and barked out a bitter, cold laugh, “Oh, fuck you! Trust me, I wasn’t! I would never ask your pathetic ass for help! I’d rather eat shit than-”

It was then, at the worst possible time, he heard it; a sound that normally filled him with joy and pride now brought only horrified dread.

“Daddy! Daddy I found you!” Fern squealed, running up to him and latching onto his leg.

Gasping, her eyes filling with tears, Petunia reached a shaking hand out, “Oh-oh my goodness! Is she really-?! Oh Arceus she’s beautiful! We had no idea..! Honey why didn’t you tell us?!”

Guzma felt sick with dismay as he swiftly scooped Fern up, “I never-”

Suddenly coming around the corner, Plumeria sighed, “Sorry we took so long. She spotted a display of toys she had to play with…”

She stopped, startled to silence by the scene before her. From everyone’s position and with the trees and pillars of the nearby fence, Guzma had been the only person she’d seen until that moment. Leaping back into action, her instincts kicking in, she grabbed Fern and stepped back, turning her body so it was between them and her daughter. She had never actually met nor even seen his parents, but she could see it in their features, feel it in her bones, see it written across her husband’s face-she knew the stories, had seen his scars, and right now the only thing going through her mind was how to protect her precious girl.

“Guzma?!” she growled, and he immediately moved to place himself between them and his parents, mind racing.

“Plumeria, get her outta here. We’ll meet up-”

“Bah! So you got some girl knocked up. Why am I not surprised? It’s no worse than anything else you’ve pulled!” sneered Edgar coldly, “She may be related to me, but no bastard kid’s a granddaughter of mine.”

“Edgar! Stop!” sniffled Petunia.

“How dare you-!” Plumeria snarled, cutting herself off as she realized Guzma was moving in his direction.

Taking several strides toward him, Guzma felt nor heard anything but the blood roaring in his ears; not Plumeria telling him to back off, not his mother pleading for them to stop it. He saw nothing, not noticing the other people near them staring-the only thing he knew at that moment was the pure, undiluted rage that moved his feet and arms, making him ball his hands into fists, ready to beat down the pile of human garbage that had just derided the most precious thing in his life. He raised a fist, ready to strike, ready to take vengeance for all the blows he had suffered, all the agony he had been through-when one, small sound cut through the churning storm in his soul, a beam of light in the darkness.

“Daddy stop!”

He froze stock-still, hand still poised in mid-swing and slowly turned his gaze toward Fern. Her large eyes wavered with the fear and uncertainty of a child that doesn’t understand what’s going on, but nonetheless knows something’s terribly wrong. As he looked, she began to tear up, and it was then he realized something that made him even more sick than the man before him.

His own daughter was scared of him.

Squeezing his eyes shut, ashamed, he lowered his fist and exhaled, all the fury and energy leaving his body. Edgar snorted, “Go on, take a shot. I’d love to let the police know you did.”

Guzma drew another breath, opening his eyes and glaring him down, “I’m sure you would. But I’m gonna have to disappoint you one more time,” he walked back to Plumeria and Fern, looking down at the toddler and smiling gently, “Sorry, Cutiefly…Daddy promises never to do that again in front of you, okay?”

Fern nodded hesitantly, but as he leaned over to kiss the top of her head and ruffle her hair, she giggled and relaxed a little, smiling up at him again. He brushed a few stray wisps of her ink-black hair behind her ears, the same hair that graced his own head but he had bleached for years to try and distance himself from the man he now felt it was finally time to confront. He ignored the angry threats and tearful pleading behind them and to Plumeria murmured, “Head to the docks. Grab tickets for the next ferry home. If I don’t show up on time, leave anyway and I’ll grab the last one.”

“Mommy, daddy, what’s going on? Who are those people and why are we leaving?” Fern wondered, looking up at them with again tear-filled, confused eyes.

Plumeria kissed her, whispering she’d explain later, then took a quick glance at her watch. She bit her lip, “The next one will be the last one, at least that’ll take you anywhere near home.”

“Then I’ll swim! Or something. Just get Fern and yourself outta here. Please Plumes…just go.”

She nodded, then abruptly grabbed his collar, pulling him in so their faces were millimeters apart. Her gold eyes narrowed dangerously, “I don’t know what you’re planning, but take it easy. I do not need Fern to visit her father in jail. Am I perfectly clear?”

He glared back at her, stung, “For fu-for heaven’s sake P! You think I want that either?! You think I haven’t grown up, at least a little? Give me some credit, jeez…now go on. Get our kid somewhere safer.”

Plumeria let go, realizing she had been a little harsh with him, but knowing there was no time now to sort it out. So, she simply nodded and hurried away. Guzma watched them go, Fern twisting so she could see him. It nearly broke his heart to see her reaching one small arm out and calling to him before they vanished around a bend in the street. Petunia shuffled in their direction, holding out her arms, sobbing, “Oh no-please! Come back! I just…” she covered her face with her hands, “Why Guzma? Why can’t I know my own granddaughter..?”

He gazed at her, then momentarily flicked his eyes to his father, steeling his heart again for the confrontation he knew he was going to have to deal with, “Because of him.”

His mother wiped her face, slowly turning around and walking back towards her husband, then started to move past him. As she did she said, “We need to talk later…”

Edgar sighed and rubbed his forehead, starting to reply before Guzma said sharply, “Hey!”

Glancing at him with a mix of disinterest and annoyance, his father replied, “What?”

“You, me…” Guzma pointed to an empty area of the beach a short ways off, “We need to talk now.”

The peaceful sigh of the waves lapping the sand and gentle cries of circling Wingulls created a peaceful scene in stark contrast to the tense animosity that was Guzma facing his father. They occupied a small strip of beach well away from any prying ears, shaded by a stray cluster of palms near the water, the wind whispering through them only adding to the strange juxtaposition. Neither man had spoken for a minute, Edgar crossing his arms impatiently as he watched Guzma pace back and forth, hunched over and hands shoved in the pockets of his shorts.

Finally the younger of them turned and said, “God I fuckin’ hate you.”

“So when you said you wanted to talk, what you meant is you wanted to whine at me. I don’t have to put up with this.”

Guzma’s face split with an ear-to-ear grin, but the kind of wide-eyed, rage-filled, borderline psychotic smile that had used to send his grunts scattering and make anyone else step back in fear, “Oh no, I really, really think you do ‘cause you see…” suddenly standing to his full height, he strode over to his father, looming over him, “I got some shit to say, and for once, you’re gonna be the one who has to listen.”

Edgar’s eye twitched, refusing to let his son see that he was, for once, mildly afraid. He knew all about the things Guzma had done, the people he’d hurt for the smallest, if any, transgression, the lows he’d stoop to get what he wanted; what was to stop him from harming anyone, even his own father? His mouth was set in a hard line as he too stretched himself to stand as tall as possible, “Fine. I’m listening.”

There were many things Guzma wanted to say; so many things. He wanted to scream at him, rant, tell him what a worthless, vile excuse for a parent he was, to tell him just how much he hated him for everything he had done. He wanted revenge for all the suffering, the pain, the nightmares. He felt his hands involuntarily clench into fists, a part of him wanting to just beat the pulp out of the man-

But again, visions of an angel with black hair and an impish smile swam into his conscious.

Fists still balled but knowing he could control himself now, he silently thanked those thoughts and jabbed a finger in his father’s face, “I’ll never ask for forgiveness from you for all the shit you put me through, ‘cause I know damn well you don’t give a fuck. There’s only one thing I will ask-forget you ever saw my daughter.”

“I-wait what?” asked Edgar, genuinely confused.

“Forget. You. Ever. Saw. My. Daughter,” Guzma repeated, enunciating every word, his tone icy, “You said she was no granddaughter of yours, well, tch! You ain’t no grandfather to her. In fact, just forget about me and my family.  Don’t try to find us, don’t try to communicate with us, just leave us the hell alone.”

“And what if I refuse?”

“Then there ain’t no place in this whole goddamn world you can run where I won’t find you.”

Edgar glared, “Are you threatening me?”

Guzma leaned in closer, closer than he thought he’d ever have the mental fortitude and courage to, but even far away, Fern gave him strength he never knew he had, “I am fuckin’ promising you.”

“Fine! Whatever. Like I said, she’s no family to me,” turning on his heel, Edgar started to leave, throwing one last cutting look and remark over his shoulder, “As far as I’m concerned, you’re no son of mine, either.”

Guzma bent down and scooped up a rock, gripping it so tightly he was sure it’d crack in his hand, wanting so desperately to fling it at the retreating man’s head. His breath came out in great, stuttering gasps, his limbs shaking slightly, trying to decide what to do as his target moved farther away. Ultimately, he let out a roar of frustration, spinning and hurling the rock out into the sea.

-Plumeria stood on the docks near the ferry’s loading ramp, Fern in her arms and her usual stoic expression on her face. She turned to glance at one of the deckhands as he told her and several other passengers they were going to be leaving in exactly five minutes before looking back further up the bustling docks.

Fern wriggled and asked for probably the dozenth time, “Where’s daddy?”

“He’ll be here, sweetie.”

As she spoke, she saw several people stumble sideways, some dropping their bags or boxes and heard annoyed shouts, only to spy a tall head of white hair darting and dodging through the crowd, not always successfully. She couldn’t help but smile; destruction in human form, he was. Fern squealed with joy and held her arms out with an enthusiastic chant of ‘daddy daddy!’ as Guzma trotted up to them, panting hard.

“H-hey ladies-you need an escort for your trip? You know how sailors can be!” he smirked, earning a sour glance from a nearby seaman.

Plumeria raised an eyebrow and asked, “How’d it go?”

“Don’t wanna talk about it. Not now, maybe not ever. I dunno.” He scooped up Fern and held her tightly, burrowing his face in her hair-she smelled like her berry-scented shampoo and he sighed, already feeling his soul beginning to heal a little.

Plumeria nodded, knowing there was no point in pushing the issue and stepped forward to hold them both. They stood like this for a moment before she asked, “You okay, G?”

His eyes clouded, “Honestly? No. But…” he freed one arm to encircle her shoulders, soaking up the warmth of the two people he loved the most, “I think I’ll be alright.”

[dreadhaus-literature]

{A/N}

I’ve already talked about this before but I have more to say, so.

I don’t often cite “being old” or “getting old” or whatever. I don’t care about changing trends or hating on what’s become popular “with the kids” like some Boomer. Idc what everyone else is doing, that’s pretty much been a staple for me my whole life. I do me, you do you, we’re good.

But one thing that just continues to confuse me and my bitter old ass, and has my whole life is this concept of romance and what’s considered “romantic” or I guess, idk, “acceptable” to put into romance.

Now, let me preface my post with a couple things:

I grew up reading romance novels. Damn good ones, thank you Miss Christine. So I’m used to not only real sappy, happily ever after stories, but also the idealistic way someone ought to treat you.

A lot of what I say can be taken lightly or as a joke. For some reason this seems to be lost a lot in translation with me so let me just be clear. A lot of my points aren’t serious and are mostly just light-hearted jabs at what I’m talking about.

I’m not a complainer. I’m typically happy with anything and if not I ignore it and move on, so keep that in mind, too.

I’m not gonna waste my time with the whole “romance is different for everyone” because we all fucking know that already. This is just me talking about me.

So now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s sample the tea.

A lot of people are fucking awful at romance.

And I’m saying this having sampled a plethora of media on the subject. Bear in mind, I don’t consume media that doesn’t have some form of romance in it. I don’t read novels that aren’t romance or have SOME aspect of romance in it, I prefer ASMR videos that have personal attention triggers or are affection roleplays, I sample a fuckton of otome/dating simulation games, I consume x you/x reader headcanons and fanfiction constantly, I unironically watch rom-coms--I’m a sappy bitch. Love and affection are really the only thing that matter to me and it’s ironic as fuck considering how often I’m single, but whatever.

We already know fantasy > reality so we’re not gonna rehash that.

But that is my point. I don’t understand this sweeping trend of needing realism and shit in our escapism. That just...doesn’t work for me? It never has. I have a wild, vivid ass imagination and I know not everyone does, but it’s so fucking tedious for me to consume media and see people constraining themselves by reality because “this wouldn’t make sense in every day life”.

Bitch why do you think I’m here.

I’m a 6′2 lesbian of color with a hormone imbalance and a terrible family. I don’t fucking need reality for a goddamn thing. That’s the whole reason I’m here, to escape it.

And I’ve asked this question before, multiple times, but what is the fucking appeal of making characters mean to your audience? I know I’m probably in a minority here, but I will immediately lose interest in a character if they treat me like shit, even slightly. I am never and have never been one of those people who is all, “they could do whatever they wanted with me and I wouldn’t care,” like, nah. I’ve been treated like shit enough in my life, I come to a relationship to be treated well so you can fuck right off treating me like I don’t matter.

It’s so bizarre. Because I see it across the board. Like, all forms of romantic media is guilty of doing this, of creating these tropes of asshole types who are like, “I’m barely going to look at you. Date me,” and it’s like, my guy, you’d be talking to thin fucking air. That shit ain’t cute.

I ain’t a 1950′s housewife. You act right or you get to steppin’.

And I’m aware my independence likely has a lot to do with it. I’m 100% fine on my own so I don’t put up with foolishness, generally. Don’t have a need to, not scared to be by myself.

I very rarely get seriously invested in a lot of these otome/dating simulator games because the story is so flimsy or it’s very obviously just a ploy to “look at these pretty characters who’ll mildly ignore you” and that just ain’t for me. Looks are very much secondary in my book and if someone is attractive but they act like garbage they immediately become unattractive. If Tom Hiddleston was revealed to be some douche canoe that’d be it. I feel myself souring to characters when they act a certain way, and their appearance changes, to me. They become unattractive to me. Personality’s much more important, so the pretty pictures just aren’t enough to reel me in or keep my attention.

Monster Prom was the first one I can genuinely say I was wholly invested in. One, because I’m a monster fucker (thank you, Silent Hill during my formative years) and two, there was genuine care taken into the story. As a writer, especially a romance writer, I can be super particular about story-telling. It’s very easy to lose me to a bad story. But I loved the character concepts and designs in MP, a lot. I still do--but I will admit, the more I played, the more I got a little turned off because I started to uncover it was less about making the characters love you and more about “look how witty our banter is” or “watch how many times this character can give you the brush off or insult you, isn’t it funny?”

No. No...it isn’t.

Escapism, remember? But I’d have to be careful when I played MP because if I was having a bad day, it stung to be insulted or dumped/literally laughed at when I’m trying to feel better by escaping to a fantasy world with characters I love and who are supposed to love me.

I know I’m sensitive. And being emotionally abused my whole life has also left me with some pretty...well. Idk the right wording, but there are some things I don’t want to hear or be told because it puts me in a really messed up headspace. And so I take my opinion on what’s “mean” or “rude” with that in mind. I know these things about myself and there are times I’ll catch myself side-eying a response I get in these games, then laugh and be all, “Nah, that wasn’t a big deal.”

I have to do that in real life, too, so.

But that’s my whole point. I shouldn’t have to take myself out of the fantasy to remind myself that I’m not stupid just because some pixels on a screen are trying to be cutesy “mean” to me. No one likes to be called names or made to feel dumb or ugly or...idk, I just, that’s never been my style of writing romance and I don’t understand the appeal of it.

I always write to make my reader feel the best they’ve ever felt. No one in real life can adore and love you in the perfect way a fantasy character can. I learned that a long, long time ago. That shit really is only in fairy tales. So if you’re escaping a reality where people treat you shitty or make you feel unimportant why the hell would you choose to go to a fantasy life where characters you love are going to do the same thing?

I don’t understand writing characters, ANY CHARACTER, as being cold or aloof or mean to your reader. I don’t give a fuck who it is or what their character type is. I’ve said it before but love changes who you are, so whose to say a character who is cold and aloof and mean to everyone else wouldn’t be warm and affectionate with their lover? But that isn’t generally what I see, what I see are characters who remain exactly the same with their partner as they are with everyone else and so much for feeling special.

I can genuinely say there’s not a single character I’ve come across that I couldn’t write any way I wanted to, most especially romantically. Hell, if DC can write Bruce fucking Wayne initiating “I love you,” then you can write a character not being a bag of limp dicks to me.

The other otome game/DS I’ve gotten into is Obey Me! Been playing that for a while, and same with MP I love the character designs and the story. It’s engaging, it’s funny, the brothers are all diverse and adorable and I love them all ♥, but the same issue with MP I’m seeing with OM, too. There are times when the brothers are downright mean to you and I turn the game off for a while because I didn’t open it up to be insulted.

I can’t tell if it’s bad writing or if there’s actually people out there who enjoy that sorta stuff. I don’t talk to enough people to know who the hell this is for--and I’ve seen community comments along media where the readers just laugh it off and I generally do that, like in OM when Levi gets all tsundere or Mammon IS ON HIS BULLSHIT AGAIN (I love that idiot boy) but other times I’m straight up shut down by them and if that were me, IRL, that would be the end of a relationship.

Again, might just be preference. I don’t do hot/cold people, I spent my childhood dealing with an unpredictable household where one moment it would be okay to be in the same room or even look at my parents and the next I’d literally be shut up in my bathroom to have two sets of doors between me and them because it was safer.

Case in point? Earlier tonight I was spending time with Asmo in-game, who is just...an absolute flower and I love him so much, he’s so cute, but every single alone/personal time I spend with him he’s been fine to be touched, does that whole super cute, “More, more!” beg. So I went to touch him like always and he rejected me. Out of nowhere, after being thrilled with everything else we’d done together. And I immediately felt myself turn cold to him and had to stop myself--which is something I do IRL, too.

If you immediately switch up on me like that, don’t expect me to stick around. I can’t/won’t do it. Grew up with it, have no tolerance for it now.

And again, after I closed the game down, I was sitting there like, who is this for? Why is that even a thing? If I designed otome/dating sim games, the characters would all be receptive of MC because that’s the fucking point. If I wanted to be rejected I’d just fucking date IRL, I’m here to see pixels because I like feeling wanted, not insulted and told to go away--especially out of nowhere. That’s just...idk, mean to be mean?

It’s not that I get my feelings hurt, lol, I’m 30 years old and I know the characters aren’t real. It’s more that I’m just baffled by it. It’s illogical and leaves me scratching my head. I don’t understand what is so hard about making things perfect or why that’s so unappealing for so many people. The argument, “It’s unrealistic,” shouldn’t even be a fucking argument. None of this is real.

It’s like Joker, and how up in arms people get about seeing him written obsessive but still able to not be abusive to Reader. Like, writing him with his craziness intact, but making him obsessively in-love rather than abusive and people lose their goddamn minds.

“It’s unrealistic! He’s a psychopath, he’d never really be able to love you! He’s supposed to be abusive! This is OOC!”

Right okay but he isn’t fucking real? And your imagination is pathetic.

Going the opposite end of the spectrum, and you get a cold, aloof character like Crocodile and authors have zero issue with telling you he would never love you and he’d likely be mean to you a lot.

Cool, get away from me then. Also, why? You don’t treat the person you love the same as everyone else, otherwise...that’s not the person you love.

You wanna be realistic, let’s be realistic.

I’ve always considered my relationships like ripples in water. The people closest to me get the best of me, then further out will get some warmth and kindness but they’re not #1. Beyond that will get politeness and beyond that? Acquaintance-level. It’s like how ripples start out large and get smaller the further out they go. That’s how my heart works. I’m not going to greet my best friend the same way I greet a friend, because she’s more important and should know it.

And I wouldn’t treat my partner the same way I’d treat some rando on the street, but so many authors are guilty of writing characters so poorly there’s no discernible difference between me and some random.

And I hate it. ಠ_ಠ

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if you struggle writing any character in-character and still able to be in a loving relationship, you’re a bad writer.

And I’ll say it louder for the chuckleheads in the back.

If you struggle writing any character in-character and still able to be in a loving relationship, you’re a bad writer.

And to be honest, I wouldn’t be...idk, 100% surprised that there’s someone out there who is actually fine with this sort of thing? Like, I know some people are fine with being denied/rejected, given the brush-off, etc, but my childhood has taken that off the table for me. It goes really south for me, really fast. It’s to the point I have physical reactions to it, I wind up feeling so bad.

But I mean, they have to be writing it for someone, right?

Let me give you two examples, though. Picture your favorite character (FC).

Example A:

FC comes up to you before you could react to their arrival, home at last, and greets you with a chaste but soft kiss. “I missed you,” is said quietly, almost secretly, against your mouth--an admission you knew no one else had heard from those same lips. The words are backed up with action, an arm swept around the small of your back, fingers cinched against your hip to keep you locked to their side so when they straightened up, they took you with them. Tethered together as you’d been apart long enough.

Example B:

FC was home, had arrived home hours ago, but had made no attempt to come see you or speak to you. Finally, you’d figured enough time had passed they’d be all right with a small interruption, but the knock on the door goes unanswered. After a second try, a brisk, “Come in,” is your welcome. Once inside, a glance is spared for you but no more words exchanged. “I missed you,” is your attempt for more attention, met with a silent nod to show it was heard, and a gesture you could be on your way. They were busy.

I would argue that, given the choice, most would go with Example A. Which is insane, considering the majority of fanfiction and game play I see tends to lean toward B.

And the wording is super particular, too. In B, the wording “be all right with a small interruption,” implies the Reader is actively bothering their lover. The brisk greeting could be said to anyone, but shouldn’t be said to Reader if they’re meant to be someone special. And the lack of reciprocation speaks volumes. You missed them? Who knows if they missed you.

And again, if you’re really into defending realism, a relationship where a character wouldn’t speak to you or if they do, they’re treating you like shit? You’re not going to form a relationship to begin with. It’s almost like how we, now, look back at those old time housewives who put up with/made excuses for their husbands who barely paid attention to them and ignored their kids altogether because “that’s just how men are”. We’re repeating it, just modernizing it.

Well, y’all are. I’m not.

Because I am of this wild idea that escapism should live up to it’s name. That I should be able to disconnect from my depressing ass reality to go somewhere that people are always happy to see me and then treat me like they are.

Reality is often disappointing and I am of the belief fantasy shouldn’t be.

And like I’ve said before, you can write any character in a loving relationship without making them OOC. It’s about the way you make the character show their affectionate side, their loving side, that matters--making a cold character a fucking frigid cockthistle isn’t the right way to do it.

Using Example B, a cold character who may not express themselves as openly, when written properly, might not say, “I missed you too,” but they might put their work aside, set their pen down, and hold out their hand for you. The attention they pay you there is how they show you they missed you, too.

An aloof/busy character who came home and couldn’t immediately come to see you, who still had work to do, might text you from their office and tell you--

“I’m home. Come here.”

No flowery language needed, you know they missed you. And idk about you but I’d get all tingly from that text. (♡´艸`)

And that’s what I’m talking about! How hard is that? Apparently very! I see glimpses of it in media, from the games to shows to movies (fanfiction leaves much to be desired but good writers are few and far between) but they always chase it with some unnecessary rude bullshit and then I’m like, well here we are again, me ignoring lines of dialogue because you cain’t act right.

But I digress. Getting into certain things at least allows me to cherry pick characters out of it and then rewrite them in my own head--hell, I’m a comic book fan. I’ve been doing that shit for decades, lmao.

Canon? Nah son.

So yeah. That’s just been tumbling around in my head for a while and I wanted to talk about it proper.

OM was the reason I finally decided to sit down and write this all down, and I have been seriously restraining myself from gushing in the midst of all my commentary--because I really do love the Demon Brothers something awful ♥ they’ve taken over in a big way. But this isn’t the place, unless I start analyzing the stuff OM does right--and that’s partly why it kept my attention where other otome/DS games can’t. Despite running into the same blocks as the other, similar media out there, OM does a lot of things right.

I won’t go into everything, just a handful of examples, because there’s a lot of subtlety that I think is masterfully done:

The way Lucifer is first to defend you and check up on you

The way Mammon turns from calling you “human” to “my human”

The way Levi shares his personal collector’s items with you

The way Satan invites you to events that mean something to him

The way Asmo values your compliments over anyone else’s

The way Beel shares his food with you

The way Belphie actually smiles at you

Out of context some of those could sound super unimportant, but the game does an excellent job setting it up so that you know all of those things? Mean that you mean something to the demon it’s coming from.

Lucifer has a million things to worry about but he leapt to my defense (before Mammon, who is technically in charge of me) and he goes out of his way to walk by my room and then texts me if I’m too quiet to make sure I’m okay--and offers to accompany me if I happen to leave my room for any reason. Lucifer is a super great mix of, “Come here. It’s lonely without you. Spend time with me,” and “I’m only asking where you are because I should be with you...for protection.” Like, okay. I’m onto you, old man. ♥

Mammon has little respect for humans and initially begins calling me “Human” rather than my name (despite being told to call me by name because yes, I did tell that ill-mannered boy to call me Dot) but then it gradually changes to “My human” and now I’m annoyed my heart skips when he does it. Him going so far as to say as “his human” I should only let him protect me because “It’s me or no one, understand?!” I hate you made me love you??? Plus he’s a masochist and I could obliterate him for it.

Levi is gonna get enough of calling me a fucking “normie”, aight. I’m not an otaku like you, kiddo, but I’m a fucking comic nerd so could you maybe chill--but the more you progress with him, the more he waits for you because he wants to show you his new manga or show or game. Someone wanting to share something personal with you is everything--god and he’s so tsundere he’s so easy to fluster. “It’s not what it looks like! I wasn’t waiting for you!” Outside my door? Right. Okay. “What, is that supposed to make me happy...? I-I’m sorry, don’t stop!” I love it.

Satan was one I wasn’t initially sure of. He’s very obviously hiding something beneath that cool, collected exterior (haha probably a lot of rage if you’ll ignore my Wrath pun), but he won me over pretty fast by inviting me to multiple events because, like Levi, he wants to experience things with me. Plus, when I get excited he appreciates it rather than making me feel silly. “That’s the answer I was looking for.” ♥ And he invited me moon-gazing so like, psh, yeah let’s get married.

Asmo I knew, immediately, I would have zero issue with. He’s the Avatar of Lust, which is one sin I’m real into. So while I wasn’t worried about him, finding out he had so many fans and lovers and the like, that I was worried would bother me. I’m possessive~♫ But the game did a huge service to me by showing Asmo wants my compliments more than anyone else’s. Him saying that to me made me coo, out loud. I’m typically not into narcissistic folks, but when it’s done a certain way? Like Tony. You can be important to a million people but if you show me I still come first? I’m smitten. With Asmo, the adorable way he’s almost like a puppy in wanting, “More! I want more! Just from you!” It’s so fucking cute.

Beel is best boy. Like, hands down, immediately crowned Best Brother. He is adorable, like the total giant teddy bear trope. And being the Avatar of Gluttony, food is everything to him. So when he started offering to share his food with me? Like boy oh my god. Freaking Sam hugging gif x100. I CAN’T EVEN EAT ALL THAT MUCH BUT YES, YES, A THOUSAND TIMES YES. It never fails to make me smile when I give him his favorite food and he goes, “You’re going to eat with me, right?” NOW I AM. Sobbing. While he tells me being hungry around me “isn’t so bad.” I’m not going to touch on the vore fetish he’s feeding in me every time he starts drooling and calling me a dumpling.

Belphie. Oh, Belphie. My difficult boy. Like Damian from MP I fucking knew you’d be a problem--WHICH IS DUMB YOU’RE A SLOTH, I’M A SLOTH. YOU LIKE NAPS, I LIKE NAPS. But he’s so aloof, he’s hard to pin down initially--but I was gonna get ‘im. I love how the game makes you glean Belphie’s caring for you from the things he says. “You’re late,” when you show up, because he was waiting for you. Or, “What were you doing?” because he wants to know what you’re up to and who with and why it wasn’t him. I adored his line, “I want to sleep but...come see me in my dreams or I’ll get mad.” Like baby I will live there. That and my other favorite is when he smiles and simply says, “Welcome back,” because he missed you and is happy you’re here.

That ^ is all quality. It shows that different character types can love and love well in their own way, without having to be assholes. Belphie loves differently than Asmo but you still know he loves you. The game falls into the same traps as others do, I’m not saying it’s perfect, but it definitely has my attention and I love the brothers now the same as all my other characters--where other games I’ve set aside and given up on.

I think I’ve rambled on about all this enough, it was just buzzing about in my skull and while I guess this is discourse? Really I wouldn’t even say it’s a hot take, it’s just confusing why this isn’t talked about more or why so many characters and games and stories and media are ruined by badly written attempts at romance.

My rule of thumb, or one of them, has always been similar to the golden rule:

Write your romance the way you’d want your favorite character to treat you.

I feel like, most of the time, you can’t go wrong with that. I certainly haven’t had any complaints, at least.

[gobbochune]

I literally have a stage management BFA and still know next to nothing about the Heathers musical. Enlighten me on why it is The Worst.

Disclaimer: I have not seen the play live, only shitty cam recordings on youtube and anamatics of the popular songs. If there is a level of nuance to the play that I missed in modern performances, feel free to correct me. The same could be said for the film, but I have had no exposure to the film so I am not including it in this rant.

Part 1. “This situation does not exist.”

So like, I get it. you wanna have your relatable portrayal of highschool and with the cliques and drama and the petty squabbles of the popular vs unpopular kids is often magnified by inexperience and raging hormones. Everyone remembers highschool as being more intense then it actually was, so often the melodrama in these sorts of stories is amped up to eleven. 

The ‘Popular Clique’ characters are never going to act like any rational person would ever act. When you’re a boring loser in highschool you will instinctively find ways to put yourself above the people who you consider to be your ‘enemy’. You’re smarter then them, they’re all druggy sluts, you’re a good person etc.

But the reason why this trope works is because its often presented from the perspective of the teenager, but by the end of the narrative has widened to a more mature point of view. We learn that everyone has their own shit going on, their own insecurities n crap, and by the end of the narrative the characters have literally and figuratively ‘graduated’ from the naive idea that there are inherently good and bad people. 

But Heathers is not about that. 

The popular girls are actually satan. Listen to that song “Candy Store” and think to yourself “do these characters feel like actual people? can i imagine how or why the girls act like this?”

The reason why popular girls are more popular then you is usually because they’re better then you. They’re prettier, funnier, nicer, or altogether more charismatic, and it still boggles my mind that anyone in this school would care what these Heathers bitches think of them. I actually knew girls like the Heathers in highschool myself, and everyone mutually hated them and ragged on them behind their backs because of how vapid and annoying they were. They had power over the freshmen for maybe five minutes before their targets found their own friends to hang out with those bitches are left in the fucking dust. 

And its not just a misconception of the main character, no she seems to be the only girl in her whole fucking school who is like “Um, maybe its????bad to be mean???” and the story treats her like she’s some fucking martyr for it. They even sing a song parodying the fact that a decent highschool narrative you’d expect Heather to be a human being with emotions, by having main girl make up a bunch of bullshit about “Pretty girls have feelings.” the whole thing seems to be a big fuck you to highscool narrative tropes but instead of going in a more realistic direction it just spirals into a petty unrelatable hell. 

Part 2: “If this situation did exist, it wouldn’t be happening to this character.”

Does anyone else find it incredibly far fetched that for some reason whenever a bunch of beautiful teenagers pick on another equally beautiful teenager its usually just because they dont like the color of her hair? I wanna know when we as a society decided that the shorthand for evil beauty is blonde hair, not because I find the trope harmful but just because it feels lazy.

Why isn’t Veronica one of the popular kids? Because she’s a brunette. Why does everyone treat the Heathers like royalty? Because they’re blonde. Does being blonde somehow make you a terrible person? I guess so. Its just a mutually agreed thing at this point. 

But again the reason why the blonde vs brown thing works in other highschool dramas is because the entire thing is based on the main character being petty, and in reality the brown haired girl is just as popular and surrounded by friends she just doesnt realize it because she’s too busy being jealous of some other bitch. 

Veronica is not this. For some reason, a beautiful, intelligent, kind, and generally cool girl has no friends besides The Fat One and everyone treats her like garbage. The fact that she has to seek “protection” from the Heathers at lunch because she gets bullied just for existing would be hilarious if it wasnt so pretentious. 

The play lets is know in no uncertain terms that Veronica is the only decent student at her school, and that none of the ostracization she feels is in her head. Its all real. They all hate her because she’s good and they’re bad, and there is zero tongue and cheek about it. The whole thing feels like a play within another piece of media. Like maybe theres a playwrite who is trying to depict her highschool experience, and its intentionally written to be as shallow and petty as her memories there. 

And even that might be okay if she is portrayed as being just a huge fucking whimp who lets people walk all over her, but nooooo she’s a strong female character! She sings a whole song about how she’s not gonna put up with their shit or let it bother her anymore and says she’s gonna fight back before they ‘come after her’.

Is anyone going to tell her that murder isn’t usually a thing that bullies do?

Like seriously. Bullying is a huge problem that can seriously damage people from the inside out, but its usually not because of any physical damage. If she’s decided that she doesnt give a shit about the Heathers, then thats it. She’s already won. They can’t touch her anymore because if she doesnt care then they’ll inevitably grow bored and do something else. she even has her own friends to hang out with now so its not like she’s being threatened in that way either. But instead she makes a big deal about how she’s a ‘dead girl walking’ like she thinks she’s gonna be shanked in the locker room or something.

But then we get to JD. 

Oh Jason Dean, you poor innocent soul. Unlike Veronica this kid is actually a victim of bullying and abuse, but its not from the so called ‘popular kids’, its from fucking Veronica herself.

Part 3. “Are we not going to talk about the fact Veronica raped a dude?”

Yeah. That shit happened. Here’s the official lyrics:

J.D.(spoken) Veronica? What’re you doing in my room?

VERONICA(spoken) Shhhh.Sorry, but I really had to wake you;See, I decided I must ride you till I break you.'Cause Heather says I got to go;You’re my last meal on death row.Shut your mouth and lose them tighty-whities!Come on!Tonight I’m yours,I’m a dead girl walking!Get on all fours,Kiss this dead girl walking!Let’s go, you know the drill;I’m hot and pissed and on the pill.Bow down to the will of a dead girl walking!

Like I know later on in the song he gives consent n’ shit but its more framed like he lets her because he’s intimidated more then anything else. And whats more from this point onward in the play Veronica pretty much becomes JD’s only emotional outlet. 

As someone whose known a lot of guys in this situation I can tell you that often they will do things they don’t want to to impress the people who they think are their only ally in life. More then anything these kinds of kids just want someone on their side, and will be roped into whatever toxic shit they need to keep these people with them. 

Veronica goes through this guilty arc thing where she blames herself for ‘creating’ him but ultimately realizes that he was always doomed to be this way because of his shitty situation. 

How fucking evil is it to perpetuate this idea? Oh no, Veronica isnt a bad person, she was just trying to help this kid by wrapping him around her finger and making him kill the people she doesn’t like but really its his fault for having a shitty childhood. 

The song “Meant to be Yours” is supposed to be a picture of how twisted and evil JD has become in following revenge, but in reality its nothing like that. It wasnt his revenge, he was doing it for her. Veronica very much did break into his life and rip him to pieces for no reason other then she wanted a lackey to help her get revenge on people who shouldn’t have even bothered her in the first place.

But no, he is ‘damaged’, and the only way to redeem him is to blow himself up so the girl who destroyed him wont have to accept any of the consequences for her actions. 

How the hell does Veronica ‘make things better’ at the end? She slaps a bitch and plans a sleepover. She was already doing that in the beginning. Why did JD have to die? He didnt. He fucking didnt. And the worst thing is that no even cares that he’s gone. 

Not even Veronica. 

She treats him like some kind of tragic monster that had to be killed for the good of mankind and everyone just fucking accepts it. 

So just a recap: Blonde people are evil, everyone will hate you for being a saint, its okay to rape teenage boys if you’ve properly gaslighted them first, and if you are ‘damaged, far too damaged’ it is your responsibility to kill yourself so your abuser can be popular like she always wanted.

What a great show. 10/10. hope it runs forever.

[nightcoremoon]

honestly I couldn't give less of a shit about joseph robinette biden jr as a person. he's a white democrat. no, he's THE white democrat. he's the same as john kerry, al gore, michael dukakis, walter mondale, george mcgovern, hubert humphrey, whatever. I don't know them from adam, I don't know shit besides they're liberals who lost to DANGEROUSLY EVIL AND INCOMPETENT REPUBLICANS like, well, nixon reagan and bush. who single handedly fucked over this country in very distinct and separate ways. I don't care if it's biden, bloomberg, butt, steyer, bennett, he's a white male democrat, and he's way less of a threat to the generalized american public than, you know, open fascists.

a democratic president means a liberal senate. a liberal house. a liberal supreme court. liberal laws. liberal economy. liberal healthcare. liberal everything and not just what color sits in the white house. better treatment even slightly for women, poc, gay, trans, disabled, of a religious minority, mentally ill, terminally ill, elderly, and victims of sex crime, off the top of my head. because all of those groups are treated worse than garbage right now under the republicans. things are in dire straits for them, for all of us. trump will only make things worse; already the cops are becoming his own private PMC. he's assaulting the media that won't take his buyout. he's infecting the people with the 14 points. he's rolling back the protections for everyone. in another 4 years we won't have another vote.

if you talk shit about biden, you want fascism.

if you talk shit about biden you want the police attacking civilians and retaliating against those who would speak out against the injustice.

if you talk shit about biden you want a return to criminalizing queerness.

if you talk shit about biden you want even less punishment for perpetrators of rape and sexual assault.

If you talk shit about biden you want even more punishment for EWB and ounces of weed.

if you talk shit about biden you support eugenics and conversion therapy.

if you talk shit about biden you support rampant violent murderous transphobia.

if you talk shit about biden you are complicit.

he has the nomination and is the potential democrat and is the only alternative to trump

he is our only fucking hope.

suck it the fuck up

and vote for him

you fucking idiots~

shut the fuck up about drone strikes. shut the fuck up about oil wars. shut the fuck up about human trafficking for adrenochrome. if they're gonna happen regardless of who's the prez then you're brainless degenerate if you use that as an excuse for your voter apathy. all of those people are already fucked. they're gonna die no matter what happens unless you wanna single handedly destroy the military piece by piece. but what you CAN do is help to prevent the bloodshed of the people who are already here. you can't save everyone. you won't save everyone. but you can make a piece of this world slightly less terrible and full of misery and death. would you rather 30 people die or those 30 people plus another 300? dumbass.

if jorgensen gets enough votes to split the difference I'm gonna be disappointed but unsurprised