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stxleslyds · 3 years

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Who do you think should be a love interest for Red Hood/Jason Todd?

Oh, Anon, you sent me a very difficult question. I have been wanting to talk about my thoughts on love interests or ships when it comes to Jason but I always end up getting scared and don’t do it. But because you sent me this ask and I want to give you an answer, I will actually speak (write) my mind.

I like ships, I enjoy romances within stories, the name of my blog is based on one of my favourite ships from a tv show that I liked. I have also reblogged content that is about another ship that I like from an animated show but when it comes to the DC comics characters that I like (Dick Grayson and Jason Todd) I actually dislike romances and the idea of love interests, a lot. In Jason’s case, I actually hate the idea of him having love interests.

And that’s because of several reasons, but I believe they can all be enclosed into one thing, Jason doesn’t seem to be into romantic relationships or established romantic relationships. Every time they put him in one of those things start to make less sense, I will explain it more in detail because I will be going through every single relationship that was, hinted at, teased or official for Jason in the last eleven years. (Yup, I have found every single relationship that Jason has had forced and/or out of place).

This is, of course, what I think, you are allowed to think otherwise.

JASON TODD AND LOVE INTERESTS.

New 52.

Essence, Jason’s first kiss and some other things.

Essence was, as per New 52 onwards, the first person that Jason had a relationship with. (RHatO vol.1 #7). They met back in the All-Castle and with her, he said that he felt, for the first time after being resurrected “alive”. Yeah, it is a little bit weird, let’s suppose that Jason was 17 when he first met her, and when I say “other things” I do mean it, the panels are never explicit but there is enough information given and shown that tells us that Jason shared a lot of firsts with her.

But here is my first complaint, Lobdell didn’t need to tell us all that, in fact, he could just have told us that they were friends back in the All-Castle because when Essence is introduced in the story, Jason already thinks that she betrayed him and the All-Castle and he repeats several times that he either: wants to kill her or should have killed her in the past already. (RHatO vol.1 #7)

So, the first person that Jason had a love and/or sexual relationship with is now an enemy through betrayal, or so he thinks. After some back and forth and some other truths getting revealed, everything gets solved, Jason and Essence suddenly don’t interact much with each other.

We get another peek at their current relationship when she shows up in Roy’s hospital bed to help him recover from his injuries. There Jason says that she was his first kiss and that even though they have chosen different paths and they have tried to kill each other a few times they are still there for each other.

Wow, what a lovely message Lobdell, two people who have tried to kill each other and have an overall nasty/manipulative relationship, are still there for each other, which is what truly matters. Give me a break Lobdell, what is this? I understand this book is old by now but this narrative is not cute or special. They barely trust each other and they have been more than willing to kill each other but they are still on good terms, yay! Shut up.

Isabel, the flight attendant that may be a little too pushy at times.

Us and Jason met Isabel, the flight attendant when Jason is travelling along with Roy (RHatO vol.1 #2). Her introduction is very sexualised and Jason and her flirt a lot, he “checks her out” but he is also thinking that Isabel is better off not crossing paths with him anymore, but apparently that isn’t what she thinks because she leaves her number along with Jason’s drink. He is very surprised about that fact.

Jason had been struggling with the idea of calling Isabel because he didn’t want to mix his vigilante life with his normal life, that’s why when he calls her, he hangs up as soon as she answers the call. (RHatO vol.1 #7).

But that insecurity is thrown out of the window (apparently) because he does go on a date with Isabel even though he is doing everything possible to hide his double life (RHatO vol.1 #10). Isabel seems to be having an amazing time and as they reach Jason’s hotel, he offers to call her a cab, which means “date is over I want to go home”, but Isabel has other ideas she starts pushing him and saying maybe I don’t want to leave just yet and Jason is a little uncomfortable but Isabel just kisses him. Yeah, non-consensual kissing happens and this is the first (but not last) time it happens. The kiss is interrupted by someone else and the whole thing ends up with that someone (Orc), Kory, Roy and Jason talking.

Jason was so ready to make Isabel go at the end of their date earlier that he barely notices her when Kory and the others show up. She is literally on the floor asking what is going on and Jason doesn’t notice her until after they are teleported to a spaceship. Jason was so out of it that he didn’t notice her up until Roy pointed her out. How insane is that? What are you trying to say, Lobdell, Jason is an asshole? Or was Jason so uncomfortable on that date that he forgot that the date was still going on?

After they all realise that they are all stuck in space in the middle of an intergalactic war Isabel and Jason talk. Isabel lets Jason know that she thought that their date was boring and bad because Jason was trying to hide his real life, she also asks Jason why a vigilante asked a flight attendant on a date and he deflects that question like a pro. (RHatO vol.1 #11-12). You see, I think that Jason decided to go on a date with her because he thought that’s what he wanted or to prove himself that he could have something “normal”.

When they finally go back to earth Jason kinda acts like a jerk towards Isabel at the beginning but at the end of the issue, we see that Isabel invited Jason to stay the night at her apartment in Gotham, happy times happen and while Jason is in the shower Isabel gets attacked by Joker. The Joker made it seem like Isabel overdosed while Jason was in the other room which destabilised Jason a lot. He calls the cops and she is taken to the hospital after Jason leaves the apartment. (RHatO vol.1 #14-15) The last time we see her she is in the hospital recovering.

A long time passes by and we only see Isabel again when RHatO changes writers for a few issues, the author of Isabel’s comeback is Tynion. We see Isabel entering her home after a date, when she goes inside, she notices some weird robots and those things were put there by Jason who wanted to invite her to a private resort as a date. (RHatO vol.1 #28). Isabel decides to go and when Jason gets too wound up and is ready to kiss her, she tells him that he needs to slow down because a long time has passed since they last saw each other and she is quite mad that because they went on one date and she ended up on space for days and then got attacked in her own home. Jason is a bit taken aback by what she says but he doesn’t get to say much because a fight breaks out. Talk about signs… maybe they shouldn’t get together at all, you know what I mean?

After the fight was over, Isabel told Jason that she can’t do this (their “relationship”) any more, but that if the fight ever ended that he could go back looking for her. So, she “breaks up” with him but still kisses him before leaving. If you are leaving someone because you don’t feel like things are going right why on earth will you kiss them goodbye? It’s not like they were on a five-year-long relationship, they only went on two dates! Maybe this is not that big of a deal but come on…

Kory, this one wasn’t a “real” relationship but the idea of it was forced.

Although Kory appears in the first issue of RHatO we didn’t know then how Jason and Kory had met. That story is told later on and it begins with Jason appearing on the shores of an island where Kory’s ship was stuck. He is in and out of consciousness but we do see Kory taking care of him as he recovers, we also see that Kory has a little bit of heart eyes for the mysterious man, but that was because Jason looks like Dick Grayson (someone who she had dated and actually remembered even though she said she didn’t).

After Jason finally wakes up, he goes to her and she gives him clothing that used to belong to Dick, Jason knows those clothes are Dick’s but when he asks Kory who they are from she says that she doesn’t know (she was lying). After Jason gets dressed, he decides to tell Kory who he is and his story, so he tells Kory “Hey, there is something you need to know about me” and Kory kisses him. Ah yes, more non-consensual kissing, how wonderful! Jason is taken aback and Kory tells him that her people assimilate the knowledge that way, Jason doesn’t make a big deal out of it but I will. Lobdell, you knew that Kory didn’t have amnesia, and you know that Kory has been on earth for quite a long time, there was no need for that kiss. As the reader, I know that that’s how Tamareans learn stuff but I also think that Kory shouldn’t kiss people just to know new stuff! It baffles me that they are still doing this, it was silly then and it's silly now, stop the non-consensual kissing and then excusing it because of fictional alien traditions or whatever, just stop.

But I didn’t put Kory on this list for the kissing, I put her here because even though it was never explicitly shown that Jason and Kory had any type of interaction, there were some hints about it, like that time that Roy asked Jason if he was mad because he had slept with “his girl” to chich Jason answered something along the lines of “she is not my girl and she can sleep with whoever she wants”. (RHatO vol.1 #2)

But that’s not all because Lobdell gave us yet another moment in which Kory kisses Jason without his consent and Jason is written once again alarmed, this time even Roy is present and he is a little bit mad because his girlfriend is kissing someone else in front of him. At that point, Jason and Roy both knew that Kory wasn’t new to this planet and that she had been in a relationship with Dick Grayson previously. Because of all that, Lobdell passing yet another non-consensual kiss as Kory trying to tell Jason that he wasn’t alone in his fight doesn’t sit right with me, it’s even worse when you reach the end of the issue and Kory leaves both Jason and Roy on their own. (RHatO vol.1 #32) Yikes, Lobdell, yikes. (This is no hate to Kory or the other women on this run, this is pure hate towards Lobdell, please don’t get me wrong, he is the one being nasty).

Rose just appeared so Lobdell could tell us that she and Jason slept together.

Poor Rose, so many female characters being dragged into this mess by Lobdell, she really didn’t deserve this. She appeared in the last two issues of this run, two! Only for Lobdell to set up the idea that she and Jason had some fun nights in the past, honestly, who let this man write women?

Their interaction went like this: “Hey Rose, love that mask” “Yeah, I’d considered a heart tattoo that said ‘Jason’ with an axe hacking it in two” “I’m flattered, but I think you made the right choice” after Jason said that last part, he continued with this, “You want to explain what you’re doing here trying to kill us? I remember the last time I saw you; you had a big, satisfied smile on your face”. (RHatO vol.1 #39)

Really, Lobdell? She appears in the last two issues; you have them have that conversation and then in the last issue they are the only ones left (after the outlaws disband, RHatO vol.1 #40) but we never see her again, Rose isn’t mentioned in Red Hood/Arsenal or RHatO Rebirth, she isn’t mentioned any other time. Lobdell just thought that Jason didn’t look like he had fucked enough in the past so he decided to let the reader know that he had had some action. I hate him.

Barbara, this pains me, poor Babs, she didn’t deserve that.

No, Lobdell wasn’t the one who wrote this mess, it was everyone who wrote Batman Eternal. I mean, what was this group of men thinking? Where they playing darts and they had all the batboys’ pictures up on the wall and in whichever the dart got stuck, Barbara will get stuck too? Is that what happened? How often do they play this game, can they stop?

I don’t remember having read Batman Eternal and quite honestly, I didn’t want to put myself through that after I made myself read New 52 RHatO twice because I had forgotten to take notes of what had happened in each issue (I hate myself). So, I will only talk about the absurdity that was Batman Eternal #19 and #28.

All of the “relationships” that Lobdell came up with, were forced or out of place or both but this one takes the cake. It’s so simple and short, but oh, so annoying!

The phrase “You will never be Dick Grayson” coming out from Barbara’s mouth and it being directed at Jason should tell you just how many levels of wrong we are working herewith. Their whole interaction in this book seems to come from that phrase, how on earth do you build up a romance from that? Am I going crazy? Am I missing something? Come on, be honest with me.

Jason being the one who makes Barbara shake off mind control because he told her that he “only remembers what’s important, like the day he met Batgirl”, I am sorry but what? I really don’t have the words, he had even said before that he thought Babs liked him because she looked nervous, what is this writing? Since when does Jason care about Barbara? They met once when Jason was Robin and she was significantly older, what are these writers on, crack? (Batman Eternal #19)

But that’s not the worst thing, later in the book, they switch roles and Jason is apparently no longer interested in Barbara but she is all like “maybe you should stay this time, Jason. Help the family. Save Gotham” and Jason says “Gotham’s never been enough for me Barb” and I am not kidding, she tells him “What if there was more…?” That was hilarious, my gods, they must have been high when they wrote that because that is just too wild for me.

And Jason, the absolute beast that he is, says, “No. Because Barb, it’s like you said… I’ll never be Dick Grayson” (Batman Eternal #28). Jason, you dramatic little shit, what is going on? Why did the writers put us through all that just to end up being like “Babs is thirsty for Jason but he has already moved on”, what was the point of these interactions?

Yeah, that’s all I can say about that, let’s just move on to the mess that was Rebirth.

Rebirth.

Artemis, a new player enters the game.

While we did meet her in the first issue Jason isn’t seen being flirty with her up until they are in a bar and Jason is really drunk, he tells her that she has beautiful green eyes and Artemis is like, “if you are hitting on me, I will punch you in the head” (RHatO vol.2 #8), Lobdell back at it again with that mix between flirting and violence that I hate so much, lovely. But I guess this meant that Artemis was setting boundaries.

Boundaries and kinda thrown out of the window when later in the book we have something like looked like the start of a kiss that didn’t really happen because they were interrupted (RHatO vol.2 #11). Jason also acts a little too cheeky in two instances in another issue, one of them was a bit funny the other one no so much because Artemis was talking about how she had let only three people into her heart and one of them was now dead and she might have been losing another one, at that moment all Jason has to offer is “about that third person… does his name rhyme with Rason Rodd?”, which was a bit out of tune of him. (RHatO vol.2 #13).

The big surprise though is that out of the blue we have an issue called ‘Date Night’ where Jason and Artemis seem to go out on a date! What? We are moving on so fast! (Spoiler Alert: Jason thought it was a date, Artemis only wanted to talk about how weird Bizarro was acting at the time). One of the things that really caught my attention was how differently she was characterized in the issue and that within the story Jason hadn’t realised that Artemis wasn’t really acting like herself either. It could have been a cute date if not for the fact that Artemis wasn’t acting like herself because she wasn’t “really” on a date with Jason. Also, Lobdell does love to hint at Jason’s sex life, before they went on the date Bizarro said “use it (the teleporting door) all night if you need” and Jason responded, “I don’t think we will be needing it all night. I mean, if we do that’s okay, but I’m not, like, expecting anything”, it was kinda funny but yeah, come on! (RHatO vol.2 #19).

From that issue, we jump to the great finale (or not) of this “epic” “love” “story”, the so awaited kiss between Jason and Artemis, oh yeah baby! A couple of issues with flirting, a date that wasn’t a date but maybe if Bizarro wasn’t going insane at the time (who knows?). This kiss obviously comes with the separation of this team of outlaws, Jason is left alone on earth while Artemis and Bizarro are swallowed by a portal of sorts. Jason finally gets the kiss that he so desired, but at what cost? (RHatO vol.2 #25). Brutal issue for Jason, it was also like a special edition because it was bigger and that makes me laugh because all Jason did in that issue was suffer, how unlucky can this guy get?

We don’t see Artemis for a while but when she does come back, she is being controlled by something and it’s making her want to kill Jason, so to shake whatever was controlling her, Jason kissed her and hoped for the best (it worked). See, Lobdell can change! Before it was women forcing Jason into a kiss, now it’s the other way around! Yay! (RHatO vol.2 #41).

After all that we see Jason and Artemis spending some time together, it looks very friendly, they even have a very nice moment when Artemis hugs Jason as he lets himself grieve the loss of Roy. Jason also seems aware (this time) that Artemis is acting a little off and he gets her to talk about how much she missed her axe. It feels like they are taking it slow, they are figuring themselves out after so long, they probably won't kiss and make things complicated, right? Yeah, no, they do kiss, but they each pretend that it was like kissing a sibling. In the end, Jason does say that he lied and that he knows that she lied to him and that was okay with him, my only critique with this is: Why did they have to kiss? They could have waited instead of kissing and then lying about their feelings, what is this, Wattpad? (RHatO vol.2 #42)

Their relationship comes to a halt and we end up seeing them together (in a messy bed, twice) at the end of Lobdell’s run. But even though those two had their fun and Jason almost told Artemis that he loved her, things weren’t really meant to end with them as a couple because at the very end of the issue Artemis says her final goodbye to Jason. She says, “This is it. The end of us. I’m not being mean. I’m genuinely happy for you Jason. You have grown so much since you started the outlaws. But you don’t need us anymore. You don’t need me. Tell me I’m wrong” to which Jason responds, “I can’t. But if I ever needed anyone, it would have been you, Princess”. (RHatO vol.2 #50).

All in all, this was the best-developed relationship that Jason had, but so much about this, one could have easily been transformed into a friendship between the two. You will see better what I mean after I talk about Isabel’s presence in this run. Maybe it is just me, but a solid friendship between these two could have been spectacular, mostly because of what had happened in that one annual that had Dick as a guest.

In that issue Jason was very jealous of Artemis having the most obvious heart eyes for Dick, she was very flirty with him and he was a real gentleman with her. When she offered to take him back to his trailer at the circus he said yes and there, as they were walking towards his trailer, Lobdell wrote the best piece of dialogue in his ten years writing Jason. Dick asked, “So, are you and Jason… together?” to which Artemis responded, “Me? And Jason? Anyone and Jason?”. How is Lobdell so blind to his actual interesting takes on Jason Todd. Aromantic Jason was right there Lobdell, but you had to push your shitty version of “romance” every step of the way! (I am fine with Jason having a fantastic sexual life but listen, Jason being aromantic was still possible).

Essence, first Jason accused her of betraying him but now *Uno reverse card*

Do you guys remember that Essence and Jason’s last interaction in New 52? Jason said that even though they were always fighting or willing to kill each other they also will always be there for one another? Well, when Essence comes back in Rebirth she plans on killing Jason because apparently this time around he was going to betray her. Their very first interaction in this run (RHatO vol.2 #35), consists of Essence saying, “I don’t know if I should kiss you or kill you” to which Jason responds, “why do you have to choose?”. Lovely, Lobdell is back at it again with his shitty version of quirky “romance”, if he is trying to write them as sarcastic, he needs to do a better job at it because it’s not a good look, and not everyone has read his New 52 run so introducing these two in this book this way is kinda not good. But then again, maybe that’s just me.

As a fight ensues after they said those things, we are shown panels of Jason and Essence when they were together in the All-Castle, they would be cute panels if not for the fact that they are currently fighting to the death. It is an insane contrast, and Lobdell also has Jason think “I was the first human trained by the All-Castle. She was the only heir to a throne she never wanted. It was never going to work out between us.” But the thing is that it did work out between each other until Jason left the All-Castle, when they met each other again they had both been fed lies about the other and neither of them seems to want to look for clues to make sure that those rumours of betrayal were true. One will think that now, one of you might not feel so confident when they think the other will betray them again, you went through this already losers! But I don’t blame Jason or Essence for their stupidity, I blame Lobdell.

The fight lasts a few pages but it will end with Essence stabbing Jason with her ‘Blood Blade’ (not to be confused with the All-Blades, those are Jason’s), but here is the thing the Blood Blade comes with a curse if you draw blood from someone innocent your soul will be trapped inside the blade. This is what happened to Essence because Jason was innocent of what she was accusing him, just like she was innocent in New 52 when Jason accused her of betraying him and the All-Castle. Boring.

Now here is the thing, Essence might be dumb or she didn’t know how the Blood Blade worked because later on in the book, the blood blade is teleported by Essence (she was still inside of the blade) to the front door of Isabel’s home. The very next time that we see Isabel she is unconsciously sharing a body with Essence after touching the blade. She possessed her because at that time she still believed that Jason wanted to “destroy the world” (RHatO vol.2 #45). It wasn’t long until she realised that she was wrong and then teamed up with Jason once again. (RHatO vol.2 #46).

Lobdell, why must you recycle stories all the time and make women look stupid? Why would she still believe that Jason was up to no good after she got trapped in the blade? But my point here is that this is supposed to be Jason’s first love and their relationship consists of, flirting, remembering the good times, and almost killing each other every time they see each other because *betrayal*, it’s so tiring and annoying. Do better.

Isabel, aw, shit, here we go again!

Lobdell really had ladies ready to appear in Jason’s life when another had just left. This is one of my major problems with the way Lobdell writes all of Jason’s relationships. It would be lovely if DC and Lobdell just outright said that Jason is only interested in having sexual relationships that aren’t meant to last a long time. Because the way they had him involving himself with women seemed a little sketchy, in #25 Artemis finally kissed him and he seemed pretty happy about it, but then she was gone and now that Isabel appears in Jason’s life again, he acts as if Artemis didn’t exist.

Isabel shows up at the Iceberg Lounge after Jason made public his comeback and his management of the place. One would think that given how things ended up in New 52, Isabel would like to take things slow, after all, she had told him that he could go back to her if he stopped living his double life, but no, she talked to him for a few seconds and then proceeded to kiss him out of the blue. Lobdell’s favourite type of kissing makes a comeback, how nice, I didn’t miss it at all!

I want to be honest with you, maybe I am being too harsh, maybe these are all “surprise” kisses but in a way, it still doesn’t feel right, this is not the first time that someone kisses Jason when he doesn’t expect it (Isabel has done it multiple times already), but he is written as if he didn’t care, and that is not good. Men can feel pressured into kissing someone or can feel like they are being harassed. Lobdell and everyone on this creative team seem to think that being kissed by someone you haven’t seen in very long out of the blue is romantic or cute or sexy or whatever but it has repeated itself so much that I only find it uncomfortable and annoying to read and see. (RHatO vol.2 #33). Maybe it was just me because in that issue where Isabel goes to the Lounge they get attacked and she is not at all bothered by it, this time around, Jason even tells her that her safety is his first priority which is quite funny because the first time they were in a date Jason forgot she was present and only realised that she had been teleported alongside the outlaws to a space ship when Roy pointed it out, but I guess Jason is a different man now. I guess he wants to cultivate a relationship with her now.

And he might because your boy asked Isabel on a date in Paris. They just happened to both be around Paris at that time but here is where Jason says something that makes me speculate as to why he is actually dating, he thinks this, “Isabel Ardila. A flight attendant. Maybe the only normal person I’ve ever allowed in my life. Don’t ask me why.”

Well, Chonky, I won’t be asking you anything, I will actually give you the answers as to why you are letting Isabel into your life. You do it because you equate dating to normalcy, but I am here to tell you that it's fine if you don’t want to date and form romantic bonds, it's not something normal, it's just something some people do. If you like going out with her because of the sex or whatever then that’s fine too, but if you have to question why you are doing something, maybe you shouldn’t be doing it at all.

Jason looks a bit uncomfortable, and we also see that he is feeling sad and lonely because he misses Roy. He even thinks, “sometimes, she even makes me feel normal”. All of this normal talk really speaks to me about Jason trying to have friends outside the job but he doesn’t know how to approach that so he dates women because it makes him feel normal. I can relate to that feeling in a way, and I just think that Jason is confusing friendly love with romantic love, I don’t even know if he knows of the existence of platonic love. A reader that understands those feelings can see that maybe Jason is struggling to feel normal when he realises that he doesn’t love the same way as others. The thing is, I don’t really think that is what Lobdell intended to do, he just wanted to push two of his agendas, Jason has an active sexual/love life and Roy Harper was Jason Todd’s best friend and the only one who is allowed to suffer his death is Jason. In fact, back at the time, Jason was actually one of the few people (or maybe the only person) allowed to mourn Roy.

When the date is over and Jason’s walking Isabel to her hotel, they have a chat where it’s revealed that Isabel thinks that Jason isn’t still living that double life, she actually thinks that Jason is only working as the owner of the Casino, Jason doesn’t correct her. And then there is this very weird line that Isabel says, “The airline picks up my tab. This way you know I don’t love you for your money”, Jason is very taken aback when he heats Isabel say that she loves him so he manages to say “did you just…?” but Isabel stops him with a kiss and a simple “nope”. Jason moves on and goes to work because he is still doing the vigilante gig, the double life, that Isabel thinks doesn’t exist anymore. (RHatO vol.2 #34).

Isabel and Jason’s relationship has always looked forced to me, in rebirth, it was even weirder because Jason had just kissed Artemis and when she was gone, Jason kind of acted as if it didn’t matter that much to him and moved on easily with Isabel, but now Jason is acting kind of sketchy too because he is hiding his double life and the last time he did that Isabel ended up in a lot of trouble. I really don’t know if Lobdell remembers his own shitty writing but he should remember this stuff.

We move on too, and now Isabel has come to visit Jason at one of the events that the Iceberg Lounge has got going on, once again Jason is acting a bit strange because he was having trouble at the time with the idea of his biological father actually trying to contact him before he was killed and he was also having trouble because he was in Gotham after his adoptive father beat the living shit out of him and “banned” him from stepping foot in Gotham again. Jason seems to open up a little to Isabel but just as he starts doing so, she tells him she has to leave. Jason looks hurt for just one panel and then he moves on with his (double) life. (RHatO vol.2 #35). This is the issue where Jason also comes across Essence and traps her in her own blade.

Because everything falls apart in what was one of the best arcs written by Lobdell, Jason sends Dog (Jason’s dog) to Isabel, so Dog can be safe. (RHatO vol.2 #36).

We see Isabel after some very long time, and she is described as “The on-again/off-again girlfriend of Jason Todd. Currently off-again”, at this point in time Artemis was back to being herself and Jason had kissed her and all that. I am just saying, Jason obviously isn’t comfortable in a established romantic relationship. Lobdell dances around that idea a lot, every time with all these women.

This is the issue where Isabel finds the Blood Blade outside her home. (RHatO vol.2 #43).

As you can see, I have problems with Lobdell not handling the relationships very well, there is no concrete information being told to the reader or the characters within the story about how Jason wants to date, we never know if the women in the story know that Jason has been dating/flirting with other women. I am not saying that is bad but it would have been nice if Lobdell just used his words to tell us what he is doing.

I feel like saying that Jason is the kind of man that looks for sexual relationships without commitment isn’t something that will break the world in two. All the “romance” is incredibly forced, just say that he isn’t into romantic relationships my dude… unless Lobdell really thinks that the “romances” that he came up with are actually well written.

Anyway, Jason didn’t know that Essence who he has been fighting against and then alongside was actually Isabel, so, when Isabel and Essence get separated for a moment Jason is surprised. After Isabel tells him that they are in the middle of a battle so she is going to let Essence control her body again, Jason tells her that he “loves her”. (RHatO vol.2 #49). Does he love her for doing that or does he love her because he likes her? Hmm, that’s a good question, it is never actually answered in comics because we don’t really get to see Isabel or Essence after that happens and in the following issue (Lobdell’s last) Jason and Artemis seem to have been having a very fun night and they also kiss, Jason had even kissed with Artemis before he told Isabel that he loved her.

As you can see, its all very messy, Lobdell really said “Jason can’t be directly or indirectly single but I won’t really explain what is going on to the readers or to the characters within the story”, and that speaks volumes about how bad Lobdell’s writing is. This man simply cannot remember the things that he writes, he literally had Artemis say that she didn’t think she could see Jason dating anyone and then she wants to date him and Jason had already been dating people before that statement was made! It was all so messy! It makes all these side-romantic plots pointless; Jason was lonely because he constantly lost his friends, then give him friends! Friends are nice DC, stop making it about romances when you can just give your characters solid friendships.

Barbara, this time the pain is brought to us by Geoff Johns

I put Three Jokers as part of rebirth because I still don’t know if that garbage of a book is supposed to function within actual canon or not but it came out while Rebirth was going on so that’s why it’s here.

Now, the whole book was bad, we can all agree on that but Johns’ handling of Jason and Barbra’s “relationship” made me sick. This is another thing that writers love to do to Jason, write him as the kind of man that cannot take rejection and continues to be pushy about his feelings. Please, DC, don’t ever let Johns write another comic for you, it’s embarrassing at this point.

But in this book Jason wasn’t the only one acting weird, Barbara also did some weird stuff. In this run, Barbara thought of Jason as an unhinged criminal that needs to be locked up but Jason had heart eyes for Barbara every time they saw each other, their whole dynamic was wonky and weird. They even fought before and after Jason killed one of the Jokers.

But that’s not the real problem, the problem was that Johns decided to make Jason get tortured by the remaining Jokers while naked, this man was found naked, injured and mentally unwell by Batman and Batgirl after Jason and Batman had a fight, Barbara decided to take Jason to her home so he could recover.

Jason has just come out of the shower, he was clearly mentally and physically exhausted, and also very vulnerable. When Barbara came into the room Johns had them have a conversation while Barbara was fully clothed and Jason was just in a towel, and he was talking about how lonely and not cared for he felt, he was opening himself up to Barbara and apparently, Barbara (Johns) thought that the best she could do was kiss him, you know, to offer support.

Honestly, what the hell do male comic writers smoke when they write? You don’t show support to someone that has clear feelings for you with a kiss, to then pull away and say that “we committed a mistake”, we? Girl, come on, you made a mistake and a huge one! But one will think that Jason realised that Barbara did make a mistake when she kissed him and he also accepted the fact that she didn’t feel the same way as he did… well, not really, Jason is actually written as the kinda guy that doesn’t take well rejection and the kind of guy that keeps pushing for something between him and the other person to happen.

This man asked Barbara three times if she could give him an opportunity after the first rejection and he kept getting rejected! But that is not all because we all know that at the end of the book Jason left a letter (that thankfully Barbara will never see) in Barbara’s door when he asked again to give him a chance and that he would change who he was for her, he would actually stop being the Red Hood for her! Was Johns on crack? He had to be! The levels of wrong that are being messed around with here are out of the charts! Jason Todd, who has different values and morals than Barbara Gordon would stop being Red Hood just to get a date? Boy, don’t be dumb! Do male writers think that we are going to swoon over this kind of writing, do they expect me to applaud? I won’t!

This “relationship” was forced and incredibly out of place and out of character for everyone and it pissed me off even if it doesn’t affect canon because the writing is bad and the narrative is worse! If you love someone you shouldn’t change everything about yourself to be with them AND if someone says no or rejects your advances then the only thing you should do is back down!

This shouldn’t have to be said!

Future State

Rose, if you know me then you know that this is just a big no for me.

In the Future State: Red Hood story we are shown in the first panel of the first page that Jason is sharing a bed with someone else. We get to know pretty early that someone is Rose. The setting for their relationship is awful, both of them are working for the magistrate, they hunt “masks” otherwise known as heroes or vigilantes.

Jason hates his job and is known for bringing his “masks” alive, Rose on the other hand seems to have adapted easily while working with the magistrate and she is known for bringing the “masks” dead.

First red flag, why are two people who have such different ideals in a relationship together? Let me remind you that the Magistrate is not a good corporation or idea for Gotham, they are basically domestic terrorists and Jason is bringing them people that are like him (he is there undercover). Jason is going against everything that he is in order to infiltrate the Magistrate, Rose seems to be having fun. She brings the subject between them without care and seems to not really understand that Jason doesn’t like the work that they are both doing and that he doesn’t want to talk about it as if it were a normal thing that every couple does.

The second red flag in just a couple of pages is Williamson having Rose say “This is why we make sense. Daddy issues”, wow, are we really doing that, Williamson sat there and said Rose and Jason can make a good couple because both of them have unresolved problems with their parental figures, how wonderful. To me shared trauma isn’t a deal-breaker but sure, if you want to make one of your characters revolve her relationship with her partner around trauma, then that’s on you.

Jason also had a big problem with Rose attacking people who are hiding from the Magistrate because they are actually giving food to the “masks” and to people who don’t have to eat. Rose doesn’t seem to care and that makes the relationship a bit tense. So far, there are not many positives for this couple.

Things only get tenser, people are going around wearing those red pill looking helmets that Jason used to wear in Batman and Robin (2009), the funny looking ones, and those people are just normal people that are stealing food so they can eat or take them somewhere else. Jason is following one of those people and telling them that he doesn’t want to hurt them, just talk but Rose shows up and kills them. Jason is angry and Rose goes on a rant about how being a “mask” is against the law so she had a right to kill him.

Together they figure out that those people were being controlled so they go looking for whoever was behind those helmets.

They are tense and Jason is very cold with her even when she tries to lighten up the mood, but shit gets worse when they both receive an alert to go hunt another mask: Jason Todd.

Rose wants the money. Aw, nothing says healthy relationship more than murder.

The apparent reason why the Magistrate put a target on Jason was that he had the helmet that he took from that boy, when he realises this he puts it on and hopes that Rose finds him through that, so she can help him if he gets in trouble.

Jason gets mind-controlled through the helmet and is forced to fight rose, they fight for a while and then Rose breaks the helmet. Jason says “knew you would find me” and Rose responds “you are lucky I have a crush on you”, ok, is Jason okay with Rose wanting to kill him a few minutes ago when the alert on him came out? That’s not a big deal for them? Ok.

Jason seems to be in love with Rose even though they think differently and they are written with as much chemistry as a history book, he cares for her and does everything to save her when they get attacked by the Magistrate.

When they escape the initial attack, Rose grabs Jason and tells the Magistrate’s drones that he will take the bounty for Jason but that she will deliver him alive. Jason is surprised and angry but then the drones just leave. And we are left with Jason and Rose on a rooftop alone after Rose seemingly tried to betray Jason.

Do you know what Jason does next? He tells Rose that they should go on a holiday. He cares and keeps wanting to protect her from the Magistrate. Are you kidding me? This is so messed up; I want to remind you that these were the only two issues for this story. This is all the information we had for a long while and it is disgusting. DC really let this thing be published!

Rose betrays him twice; he is willing to harm him on some level and he still wants to be with her? Am I understanding that correctly? Later on, he keeps wanting to protect her from the Magistrate after he has evidence that they are hyper corrupt.

The point I want to make is that Jason and Rose shouldn’t have been introduced to us in this book as a couple or as people who have been sleeping with each other for a long time. I don’t know why this needs to be said but having a couple where one of them can think of killing their partner is absolutely awful. And then they make it worse by having the “victim” act like it doesn’t matter and that they should work on protecting the person that wanted to betray them.

I understand that there is a Future State: Gotham run going on with a Jason story in it written by Williamson but I don’t want to go near it. Future State: Red Hood made me uncomfortable and it made me cry out of frustration. How did this story get a pass by the editor? It’s disgusting, and it’s that because of this absolutely forced “relationship” that Williamson wanted to put in.

My point with all of these “couples/love interests reviews” is that writers need to be more conscious about what they write and about how some readers might perceive some messages.

Non-consensual kissing, harassment and all those things shouldn’t be part of the dynamic of two people that you are trying to put together. If there is some non-consensual kissing you can simply put a panel where the person apologises for their actions, but not even that is shown in these cases.

Comic writers need to be more aware of the way they write relationships. Yes, these are fictional worlds, people and situations but you are still playing with real-life interactions. Making some things appear in comics as normal things that you do to your crush/partner or whatever has an impact on people and writers need to become aware of this.

Lobdell was dying to let us know that Jason had a very active love/sexual life, great, but you need to show healthy relationships or make things clear about the relationships that Jason had. So many interactions that Jason had with women were overlapped with each other and the reader doesn’t know how to take it, is Jason a player or is he into open relationships, to me, it didn’t look like that but hey, maybe the writer would let us know? No, he won’t, because all he wanted to do was make Jason “date” more women.

Here is the thing, I have always felt like Jason was Aromantic, he likes having sex and having fun, but established romantic relationships aren’t his thing. It is what feels right (to me) with this character. And that’s (in part) because of all these messed up relationships that he was forced into. The two times that Jason seems to “be in love” are in Three Jokers and Future State: Red Hood, those two books are horrendous when it comes to Jason and love interests, in one of them Jason acts like the kind of man that cannot and will not take well a rejection and in in the other Jason acts as if he were blind to the abusive actions his partner does to him.

None of those two concepts are healthy or nice. Writers need to do better about that, they just have to.

So, to answer your question, I don’t think Jason Todd needs a love interest. Not as the main plot or subplot, maybe as a vague mention but nothing else, because comic writers suck at writing healthy and well-developed relationships. And because I really see Jason as the kind of person that wouldn’t involve himself in a romantic relationship with anyone.

I know this answer is more a rant than an answer but this subject is one that I have thought about a lot and it really made me nervous to bring it up. To everyone who thinks differently about these relationships, I understand and keep doing you, these are all just my thoughts and they are not worth more than yours.

Anon, thank you for the ask, sorry for making you wait so long and I hope that you have a wonderful rest of the week!

#jason todd #red hood #rhato #red hood and the outlaws #three jokers #batman eternal #dc comics #love interests #asksss

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hideawayintheimaginationworld · 3 years

Note

I've gotten a bit into Dark Deception lately too, and I was just intrigued by the idea of one of the Lucky the Rabbit Joy Joy Gang clones being a Nice defect of all the others with no homicidal tendencies whatsoever who hides away in the maze to avoid being bullied by the others. A similar idea for a Nice Trigger Teddy scared of people and warning them because he doesn't want to blow anybody up. It's another shameless 'these evil characters are cute, i want a Nice One to make into a woobie' situation, which I am guilty of doing a LOT.

I hope you don't mind but I wrote a short story about this concept—

Lefty picked up his feet, hearing the maniacal laughter getting louder and the loud thumping behind him. It wasn’t easy, but he had to outrun them if he wanted to survive.

He skidded around the corner, jumping slightly when he heard the wall break behind him which meant only one thing: Hangry was now pursuing him also.

“Get back here! You will join the Joy Joy Gang! Joy! Joy! Joy!”

All that did was prompt Lefty to push harder to run, he was terrified of being captured and reprogrammed, knowing they would likely completely wipe his memory, meaning he'd forget everything— his family, his children, his friends, and his love.

He saw a door ahead and ran towards it, almost jumping towards it as he felt pain shot up from his leg where Hangry had grabbed him before and bit him, luckily he managed to escape but his ability to run was kind of hindered.

He grabbed the door knob, pushing it open and immediately slamming it behind him, he quickly looked around the room to survey the location and spotting items such as a desk, chairs, and lockers, which he could use to barricade the door.

He limped over quickly, pushing the desk forward towards the door and turning it down so the top part of the desk was facing directly foward. He heard the familiar “Joy! Joy! Joy!” taunting chant which prompted him to hurriedly pushed the desk against the door.

As soon as he did that, he was startled to see the door handle rattle violently.

“Hey! You're cheating!!” Lefty heard Lucky scream, “Open this door!!”

He backed away slowly, half expecting Hangry to break down the door as he had seen the pig break down countless walls while chasing him, which that was scary to Lefty, as he couldn’t tell where the pig would come from, he could be sneaking away from Lucky and Penny but running straight towards Hangry, who would be waiting around the next corner, ready to smash down the walls to get him.

For some reason, Hangry appeared angry that Lefty was “inedible” as he described, which Lefty guessed it meant that Hangry would probably eat people and he was terrified for a moment that the pig had killed his kids but he remembered that Hangry commented that he hadn’t eaten anything for “so long” and Lefty breathed in relief, realizing that Alec and Hazel were still alive.

They weren’t here, but they were still alive somewhere else.

“You can't delay the inevitable!! This isn’t the end and I won't lose to someone like you!!”

Lucky viewed this as a game, Lefty shivered, he pressed himself against the wall, raising his injured leg, trying to think of what he could do to fix it immediately so he could continue to search for an exit.

He didn’t know how he came here, only recalling that he was walking downstairs with Fetch by his side to make breakfast, then he woke up, face down on the concrete at the entrance of this twisted amusement park. He didn’t care at this point how he got here, he just wanted to leave immediately, he had a sick feeling this was a trap, a trap designed to separate him from his family and friends so they were defenceless.

He hoped that Alec and Hazel were okay, he knew in the past that he had instructed them as well as Matt and Stanley that if he was unable to protect them, they had to, they had to run to protect themselves and hopefully Lefty would find them later. He didn’t care about being rescued, he did care about what they might do to Alec and Hazel, as well as his other friends.

So far it didn’t appear that these awful machines had Alec and Hazel, Lefty was sure if they did, they would have mentioned it as a means to get him to cooperate. It could mean however that Alec and Hazel were held by someone else, as he had heard Lucky mention an entity named “Malak”, which that completely disapproved Lefty's initial suspicions that Nightmare was behind this, with yet another plan to bring harm to Alec and Hazel.

All he wanted was to get back to them as soon as possible.

His heart leapt when he heard something behind him, he immediately turned his head around to the source of the noise. He saw a locker door had pulled itself backwards.

His suspicion level rose, he slowly marched over, walking to the side of the locker that he saw had opened.

And he roughly pushed it to the side.

The locker easily tumbled down with a loud bang and Lefty heard an audible “OUCH!” from inside it

“I know you're watching me!” Lefty exclaimed, “Come out! I'm sick of you horrible Joy Joy gang members tormenting me!!” He kicked the side with his good leg, hearing another “OUCH!” from inside.

He stood still, prepared to attack, watching the locker door rattle before it swung open.

Lefty backed away, seeing a large gloved hand reach out.

A Lucky robot pulled itself out of the locker, laying on the floor for a moment before standing up straight.

Lefty immediately curled his fingers and delivered a swift punch to his face.

“OUCH!” Lucky exclaimed, holding his nose, “You're hurting me!”

“That's the idea dipshit!” Lefty snarled, “Now let me leave! Call off your gang and all your doppelgängers, let me walk out of here!”

It shook its head, “I'm not doing it!!”

“I don’t care if you’re the leader or the underling! I will keep fighting despite being injured! So it's better if you just stop!!” Lefty grabbed his ears, pulling him down.

“BUT I'M NOT HURTING YOU!!”

“Are you playing reverse psychology?”

“LOOK AT ME!! DO I LOOK LIKE ONE OF THEM??”

Lefty froze, looking over this particular Lucky model. He did notice it didn’t look “show ready” as he would describe it, as it had several missing suit parts, particularly on one arm, from the lower arm to the finger tips, it was just an exposed robot arm. The suit also looked dirty, with obvious mud caked on the feet, dried up black oil around its eyes, the fur at some parts looked matted, like he hadn’t been cleaned in a long time.

“I'm hiding also,” The rabbit explained, “I'm hiding from them.”

“What are you? An unfinished prototype?” Lefty let go off his ears.

“Malak said I'm a defect!”

“A defect...?” Lefty said skeptically, he knew that “defect” could mean anything, it didn’t necessarily mean this one was good, it could mean that it was missing some important programming. He was also a little confused about the tone in which he had said “defect”, like he didn’t understand what it meant.

“I don’t like them... they're mean... so I've been hiding anywhere I could basically!” Lucky exclaimed, “The concept of killing people doesn’t appeal to me.”

“How do I know you're not lying through your teeth right now?” Lefty frowned.

“I know why you wouldn’t believe me... I know you aren’t one of them... one of the Joy Joy Gang, I mean.”

“Indeed,” Lefty answered, “I just want to go home, to my family... I don’t know where the exit is though and I’ve been chased around in circles by those three,” Lefty exhaled, overwhelmed.

“Maybe... Maybe I can help you to escape! I have a map of this place installed in my memory!”

“As if I'll blindly follow you,” Lefty knew he couldn’t just blindly trust anyone in a strange place.

“How can I...? Oh! I know! Your leg!” Lucky pointed at it, “Looks like you've caused some damage to the main connection on the knee joint... you need a replacement if you want to run as fast as you can... I don’t have a replacement part on me right now, but rubber bands can help hold the joint steady temporarily so it won’t break further! Hopefully long enough for you to escape and get back to your family!”

Lefty tilted his head, “Why would you help me?”

“I want to... I've seen too many people being killed... and hearing you have a family... I know they'd be devastated if you died!” Lucky shook his head.

“I... I don’t know if I can trust you...” Lefty admitted.

“How about I tell you what you need to do with the Joy Joy Gang? You just need to electrify them!” Lucky replied, “That'll stun them long enough for you to have a chance to escape!”

“Is there anything I can do about Hangry? He's a real big problem for me right now.”

“Hangry... you can try roaring at him... he doesn’t like animals like lions or bears...”

Lefty frowned, that seemed too simple and he knew there was likely a catch, “Suppose I could... Alright... so...”

“Lucky.”

“For personal reasons, I'd rather not call you Lucky, I've had a bad experience with someone named Lucky and what's going on right now isn’t helping... can I give you a nickname instead?” Lefty suggested

“Okay!” He seemed happy at the suggestion, “What do you wanna call me?”

Lefty thought for a minute, he didn’t want something too silly, or something too unusual, but he wanted it to be distinctive.

“How about... Jai?” Lefty asked.

He saw his eyes lit up, “Ooooo Jai! That sounds so interesting!”

“It means victory.”

“Wow! I finally have a name, maybe I can stop associating myself with... that other guy...” He frowned.

“Well...” Lefty extended out his arm, “My name is Lefty.”

“Hello Lefty! I'm Jai!” He proudly introduced himself, shaking Lefty's arm, “Wow! That felt amazing! Just to introduce myself like that, as someone separate from the Joy Joy Gang!”

“I apologize also for attacking you,” Lefty shook his head.

“Oh I understand and it's forgiven... now how about I find those rubber bands and you can tell me more about yourself in the meantime, I wanna know about your family! If that's okay of course...”

Lefty chuckled, smiling at Jai.

#Ask #I was inspired #Darkest Frights #Dark Deception #Fazbear Frights #Lefty the Bear #Joy Joy Gang #unclekoopus #Writing Drabble

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alaskasmonsters · 4 years

Text

No Strings to Hold us Down | Takami Keigo

(spoilers for chapter 299 ahead!)

requested by @waffleareniceandfluffy: can I request a hawks x reader where yk how ehe in the car with best jeanist faked his death all that yeah and he says he’s free of his shackles can you do where they’re both free and they discuss his backstory (reader is childhood friend she knows about his abuse) and can you include any other thing chapter 299 with him as like can u make it hella angsty but with a little fluff and definitely a fluff ending.

part two

pairing: takami keigo x fem!reader

w.c: 4.269

warnings: spoilers for ch. 299, some amount of angst (with happy ending), mentions of neglectful parents

a.n: so this took me a hot minute and i’m so sorry you had to wait for so long! it’s also like 4 k words and i don’t know how or when that happened i-... i hope it’s angsty enough and i hope you like it! please enjoy :) <3

The silence hung thickly in the air of the freshly washed car, weighing heavily on you. A glance to the side told you that Keigo was still asleep, head propped up against the window.

He’d fallen asleep as soon as you’d taken off from the hospital, the only sign he was still alive was the even lifting and lowering of his chest.

You knew he was fine, Keigo was the most stubborn person you knew and as long as he hadn’t given up yet, there was nothing that could keep him from going on. Still, there was this little voice at the back of your head, barely an itch, that urged you to make sure just once more, if he was still alive, still breathing, still going.

He’d taken a lot of damage during his battle with Dabi. The villain hadn’t held back, hadn’t even hesitated when he’d burned his wings off, almost ruining the cells in his shoulder blades they were sprouting from beyond fixing, before he had moved on to his face and neck, leaving nasty burn marks behind wherever his hands had reached.

You remembered when you had stormed into his room, ignoring everyone who told you to take care of your own injured first, to take it slow, saying Keigo needed rest now, and you had first laid eyes on his battered form. The bandages covering his body, the absence of his wings, the peaceful look on his burned face as he was still sleeping soundly.

For a moment, a never ending moment, you had thought he was dead. You wouldn’t have known what to do then, when Keigo had actually left you behind, all alone in a big cold world, a world even colder without his silly jokes and genuine smiles. It had been awful, that feeling of dread, heavy and suffocating, that had taken a grip on your throat and squeezed.

Then the beeping of the vital signs monitor had reached your eyes, barely audible through the ringing of your ears and the loud beating of your eyes and you’d been able to breathe again.

Since then you hadn’t left Keigo’s side, even denied Best Jeanists help when he’d suggested to accompany the two of you. He’d wanted to drive, since you were still heavily injured, but you’d denied.

It felt too personal, visiting the house of Keigo’s mother, a woman you’d only met once before but had heard too many stories about, to not be by Keigo’s side when he had to face her after years of separation.

Luckily, Best Jeanist had realized this and instead agreed to meet you back at the hospital later, leaving Keigo and you alone on your ride to your destination.

Out of the corner of your eyes you saw your friend’s body stirring, straightening out of his hunched over position, his eyes blinking open tiredly before he seemed to recognize where he was.

“I’m sorry. I fell asleep,” the robotic voice of the translation app he was using, chimed through the car.

Another reminder of how close Dabi had gotten to him, you thought.

You glanced at him, your eyes falling on the muzzle he was wearing that prevented him from using his voice.

You smiled at him, hands tightening their grip on the steering wheel as you stopped at a red light.

“It’s okay. I’m glad you’re alright.”

You seemed to repeat yourself around him a lot since he’d woken up. “It’s okay.”, “I’m glad you’re alright.”, “How are you feeling?”. At this point you felt like a broken record. If he noticed, Keigo didn’t mention it.

“I’m glad that everything with Best Jeanist went smooth,” the voice chimed back.

You remembered when Keigo told you about it. The plan involved Best Jeanist. Before he’d even asked the man himself about it. He probably hadn’t been allowed, the commission usually forbade any exchange of important information between the two of you, but Keigo never cared.

He had always told you anything, it’s been like that since forever.

The rest of the 40 minute ride was endured in silence. Keigo was looking out of the window, eyes unfocused, and you tried to focus your attention back on the street. The concerned voice was pushed to the back again.

You arrived soon after, parking the car in an empty spot and exiting the vehicle together with Keigo. The mansion at the end of the street caught your eyes immediately and you were once again impressed how much money the commission was willing to spend to keep their little pet obedient.

“Is that it?” you asked, covering your eyes against the blinding winter sun.

“Inside that house,” Keigo assured, passing you without giving you a second glance.

You let out a sigh, sensing his nervousness, maybe even fear to see his mother again. Locking the car, you followed after him, stomach churning with something you could only identify as dread.

When you arrived at the door Keigo rummaged around in his pockets before he pulled out a key card. He hesitated, grip tight around the little piece of plastic, before turning to you and typing a few words into his translation app.

“Before I fully recover and show my face again...you know there is something I need to be sure of.”

Maybe he felt like he had to explain himself, as if you didn’t already know exactly why he came all the way here to see his mom again after he hadn’t even bothered to keep in touch with her the last few years. His eyes were searching your face, hand on the handle and you gave him a soft nod.

“I know,” you replied quietly.

He opened the door wide and you entered the house.

It looked just as spacey and clean as the outside let suspect. The interior was beautifully put together, the furniture was expensive looking and excessive. It looked all very tidy and you knew that the way everything was decorated has probably been the work of interior designers.

Something about the fact that the place reminded you strangely of where Keigo was living stuck with you. His apartment was just as clean, just as nicely decorated by the hands of strangers, just as well put together.

How ironic.

The similarity of it. Mother and son both separated and still connected through the hands of the commission, the organisation the woman sold her son to.

It made you feel sick, no matter how much Keigo acted like it didn’t bother him, it just seemed to anger you twice as much.

How these people working for the Hero Public Safety Commission managed to make it appear all nice and clean from the outside, sweeping all the unpleasant details under the rug. They made Keigo the perfect hero, paid off his mother and ensured their comfort, ensured your comfort to him. Only to have the man in their debt.

The commission loved how close you and Keigo were, if only to use your friendship against you and use it to their advantage. Although it had only been him they had taken in, fixed up and trained for years, you were just as much controlled by them as he was. Due to your friendship.

They didn’t think of you as talented or as perfect as him. Hawks was charming, impressive, loved by the public, the number two hero! You weren’t even in the Top Twenty, your quirk wasn’t as flashy as most of Japan’s Top Heroes’ and you weren’t as loved by the public either.

You were only useful to them when it came to the dirty work, keeping Keigo in line that was (and you hated it hated it hated it), being the one responsible when he had to get punished after a mistake he made because it was on you when you didn’t pay enough attention, wasn’t it?

And only because the two of you had been childhood friends. Because you knew Keigo better than anybody else in this world, even himself. Keigo did have no issue sacrificing himself, burning himself out in the process if that meant he did a good job. You were the one who had to ensure he was at peak performance at all times.

Of course, being the commission, they had also used their sources (you didn’t believe it was Keigo who had told them, he would have never done as much) to uncover your awful past and find out about your family home just to use those things against you. As leverage. As if Keigo’s safety and wellbeing wasn’t motivation enough.

Your past was filled with pain and regrets.

Your mom, who’d left you with your dad after you were born and your dad who’d turned to alcohol and drugs to numb the pain.

The man had neglected everything. His health, his job, his life...you. So it had been your responsibility to keep the both of you afloat. You had started shoplifting when you were merely old enough to tell the difference between left and right. Everything you’d stolen, you’d taken to keep your dad and you alive.

The commission knew about this and liked to use it against you. It didn’t matter that you’d only been a child, old enough to know better for sure but too young to see any other possibilities for your hopeless situation.

You had met Keigo back then, too, when you’d been 7 and he’d been 8, after you had stolen from a small shop and accidentally caused havoc when you were caught and ran away, causing two cars to crash into each other when you’d crossed the street without looking, which forced one of them to swerve the other way so it wouldn’t hit you.

Keigo had found you hiding behind a group of trash cans in an alleyway crying, saying his feathers had tingled and that’s how he knew something had happened in the city. He had wanted you to return what you’ve stolen but when you had told him in tears about your situation and begged him not to tell anyone he had taken pity on you. Making a promise to not snitch on you if you were being more careful.

That’s how you’d become friends.

Although he’d gotten in trouble for leaving his house, beaten and screamed at by his paranoid piece of garbage of a father, who believed he’d tried to rat him out or something...That didn’t stop Keigo from seeing you again.

You would both sneak out in the middle of the night to see each other, meeting in forests and on playgrounds all around the town. He’d share food with you or bring you little things he’d managed to sneak from his dad’s newest gig.

Since that day in the dirty alleyway, Keigo had never stopped taking care of you. The both of you felt connected through your abusive fathers and (in Keigo's case emotionally) absent mothers. You both had scars you'd rather hide with everyone but never each other and you both felt lost, unable to be yourself in a home you didn't belong in.

You had realized, even at your young age, that you could never let him leave because you’d never find a person like him ever again.

So when the commission got involved, when they took him away, isolated him from his old environment, which involved you as well, your heart broke.

Although Keigo, sweet caring Keigo (who now had to go by Hawks. Commission’s orders.) still never entirely left you. He’d asked the commission for one more favor beside taking care of his mother and him. They had to ensure your safety, get you away from your father and into a better household.

You were the very first person he’s saved and although he tried to downplay it you knew he was proud of the fact that it held him together on days he didn’t feel much like a hero.

These days, it was rather often...

The house remained silent, the calls of the robotic voice for Keigo’s mother echoing through the big room.

No answer followed.

You looked around the room, noticing that what you had called clean before was really just the absence of everything that was supposed to tell someone that this mansion was inhabited. No dirty dishes, no books or newspapers lying around, not even a glass of water on the sink.

“Do you think she left overnight?” you asked, strolling around.

Keigo didn’t answer your question so you turned around to see him standing with his back to you, something clutched into his hand. Curious of what he had found you stepped up from behind him to look over his shoulder, catching a glimpse of what looked like a letter addressed to Keigo.

From his mother.

“Did Dabi use people for this...? How did he even get this far...?”

You hummed softly, reaching up to grasp his shoulder tightly. Keigo had already suspected that it must have been his mother to tell Dabi or people Dabi sent about his real name and family background. Still you knew there was a little part of him that had hoped this not to be true.

Now, though, with the letter that his mom left behind in her abandoned home, there was no doubt about it.

His shoulders sacked and his body hunched over as he let out a deep sigh, barely audible through the muzzle.

“Guess it really was my mother that leaked it then,” for some reason even the robotic voice sounded heartbroken about the fact.

You reached up to card your fingers through the hair at the back of his head, or rather the part that wasn’t covered by bandages.

“I’m sorry, Kei,” you mumbled lowly.

He leaned into your touch and let out another deep sigh, the tiredness that had been edged into his features ever since he had woken up in the hospital bed seemed even more prominent now under the cold lights of the living room.

“When the name “Takami” had been taken from me, the relationship between my mother and i had finally disappeared. I had always thought i was fine with that,” he explained, the robotic voice breaking the silence again.

“What i thought of as being saved was just me turning my back on everything. Even on you, y/n.”

You looked up in surprise at his words, staring at the back of his bandaged head with furrowed brows.

“You’ve never turned your back on me, Keigo,” you assured him, giving his shoulder another squeeze.

How he could even think that he’d ever done as much was beyond confusing to you.

Keigo reached to put his hand on your hand, the skin warm against yours and the touch comforting. He tightened his grip ever so slightly.

“Yes I did,” the speech assistant continued, “After we’ve met again a few years back, I’ve run from you, kept my distance, because you represented what i wanted to be but couldn’t.”

After we met again a few years back.

You’d seen him in the news one day, when you were still training in hero school, and recognized him immediately as your childhood friend, even after all the years you’d been separated.

The huge red wings were a distinct tell.

You had run out of the Starbucks, leaving behind your freshly ordered drink to where you’d heard the incident had occurred. Out of breath and disheveled from all the running you’d gotten there just in time to reunite with Keigo for the first time in years.

Since then you’d never left him out of your sight again, too scared you’d end up losing him again.

Hearing Keigo say that he’d tried the complete opposite, keeping a distance to you because of what you’d represented, something he wanted to be but couldn’t...what did that even mean?

“A guy who helps people...”

Your hand felt cold when Keigo dropped his own again, letting it hang off to his side.

“That’s the only thing that’s returned. Actually it’s refreshing,” he continued.

The air around you felt heavy, suffocating, just like earlier in the car, just like when you’d stepped into his hospital room. Although now the reason for it was a completely different one.

“What do you mean?” you asked quietly, your voice barely a whisper.

“The commission is currently at a stand still, y/n, in total dysfunction.”

You swallowed thickly at the reminder. The commission, the one thing haunting the both of you whenever you were with each other, the organization holding Keigo in an iron clasp and ensuring his obedience with your help...since the Jaku Hospital Raid, since Dabi exposed Endeavor and Hawks, the number 1 and number 2 heroes of Japan, they’d been silent.

Scarily so.

“There is no one to give me orders anymore. And they won’t be able to control you anymore either. I won’t let them.”

You took a step back away from the man when you noticed how violently he smashed the screen, his shoulders tense and the recovering wings under his jacket bulking.

“Keigo...” you tried weakly.

“They won’t get to abuse your kindness anymore, have you chained to me..”

You didn’t have to see the look in his face to know what emotion was displayed on it, neither did you have to hear his voice.

Your heart dropped at the words, at the bitterness he so desperately wanted to put into them but couldn’t because of his injured throat.

“Keigo,” you repeated, this time with more insistence.

“I know why you did it. You wanted to return the favor. I saved you, you save me,” the electronic voice sounded awfully smug all out of the sudden.

Your stomach twisted, a horrible hot sensation built in your chest and you had to clench your jaw to stop yourself from saying the first thing to come to mind.

Which would have been an insult.

You clenched your fists, pinned them to your side as you stared at Keigo’s back, your face twisted into an ugly expression.

“No, fuck that,” you spit, “how dare you?”

His face came into view when he turned half to look at you over his shoulder, eyebrows lifted in surprise at your outbreak.

You snarled, unable to contain the hurt as tears started to build behind your eyes.

You’d always been an emotional crier and you really hated it.

“It’s not about a favor. Don’t say shit like that.”

Hawks cocked his head, eyeing you for a moment before he fully turned towards you. His posture was more relaxed than before but there was a question behind his eyes.

He lowered his glance only to type in the next words...

“What? You care about me so much, sweetheart?”

You scoffed, wiping at your eyes in frustration.

“You know i do, stupid bird brain,” you said, still angry.

How could he even believe for a second that you endured the commission’s whining and yammering out of guilt. How could he not know how much you cared for him after all the years you’d been by his side now, after all the times you’d been there for him.

Keigo grasped your wrist, stopping your frantic wiping to push them away and make place for his own hands, thumbs softly brushing the wetness from your cheeks.

He found your eyes, his own wrinkling at the edges.

“No chains left,” the phone chimed.

You watched in anticipation as Keigo reached behind him, hands moving to his neck, and removed loosened the clasp, pulling the muzzle off.

Now you could see the smile, too.

“To shackle us down,” he told you with a hoarse voice.

“Kei,” you scolded him, looking down at the muzzle between his fingers.

You took a step towards him, closing the distance between you. Then you reached forward to gently run your fingers down his throat. The fabric of the bandages was rough against your fingers.

Hopefully he hadn’t started talking too soon.

“Y/n.”

You looked up at him and caught his eyes that were staring down at you with a determination you’d seen directed at you so often before, but couldn’t deny they had still the same effect on you as if it were the first time. Making your head all dizzy, that was.

“When we’re driven into corners, we find liberation. That’s when a true person’s nature rears its head. That’s why Bubaigawara was such a great guy,” he explained, gripping your wandering fingers into his hand, holding them close.

“At heart, he was desperate to be a help to others. I also want to be like that.”

You smiled up at him, squeezing his skin between yours.

“You’re already like that, Kei. You’ve always taken care of me, haven’t you?” you teased, hoping to ease the tension between the two of you a little.

“I think it was more the other way around, y/n.”

“I don’t-“

“Without you...i would have never known what it is like to have someone care for you. To have someone by your side no matter what. To understand...i think i would have never understood what it meant to love.”

You froze, staring up at Keigo with wide eyes. He tightened his grip around your hand, feeling that you wanted to draw back, instead keeping you close, thumb softly stroking the back of your hand as a way of calming you down.

“I think i love my mother, but that’s more out of obligation than anything,” he explained, searching your eyes but you couldn’t tell what he was looking for, “I never feel like i have to be anything than me when i’m with you. Nothing about being with you feels forced, or like it’s an obligation. It’s just...us.”

The room was spinning suddenly as you felt something cold wash over you. Your chest tightened, your heart daring jump out with every harsh beat against your ribcage.

He couldn’t be saying what he was saying...right?

He didn’t mean that. He couldn’t mean that.

“Keigo...are you saying you love me? As in...in love with me?” you wanted to laugh, just a little, to lighten the mood, but it got stuck in your throat on its way out.

Unlike you the man in front of you looked calm, not at all deterred by your panicked state.

“Yeah, I do. I think I have for a while now, but i didn’t fully realize until recently.”

Still gripping your hand in his left one he raised the other to your face, gently cupping your cheek. You leaned into the touch instinctively.

A faint smile tugged at his lips at your action.

“It’s alright if you don’t return my feelings, but I think you do.”

You frowned in thought.

You’ve never thought of the man in front of you as anything else than just Keigo, the kind hearted boy whom you met in a dirty alleyway, the one that brought a little girl food and presents every now and then. The teenager who wrote letters once in a while to keep you up-to-date. The man who you spend your free days with, eating chicken and watching movies.

You meant it when you’d said you wouldn’t leave his side, not if you had any say in the matter. Now, you weren’t entirely sure what you meant with that.

Stay with him? Forever?

Maybe Keigo was right.

He was always able to read you better than anybody else, just like you were the one to know him best as well. That’s also why he noticed your inner turmoil just by looking at your screwed up face.

“May i kiss you?”

Your breath hitched, warmth spreading through your chest as your heart fluttered in your ribcage.

“Yeah.”

His lips were warm against yours, the touch soft and delicate. Like he was testing the waters, giving you the opportunity to pull away if you wanted to.

The feeling was foreign to you. You had kissed other people before, quick pecks, sloppy kisses, passionate making out...But this, this felt different to all of them.

He kissed you gently, carefully, holding you with a delicacy you weren’t used to.

Your heart pounded in your chest as your knees suddenly grew weak, hand reaching out to curl around the back of Keigo’s head, urging him even closer.

He pulled you in, accepting the closeness happily as he deepened the kiss. The taste of toothpaste invaded your mouth.

Your mind went blank, the only coherent thought you were able to grasp was that you were making out with Keigo...in his mom’s house.

How ironic.

Your lips tingled when the two of you parted again, the aftertaste of peppermint lingering on your tongue. The warmth in your chest had spread to your face and you weren’t sure if you were blushing out of embarrassment or glowing because wow...that was something.

Keigo was staring down at you with an undefinable look in his eyes, but he looked happy, content like this and it made something in your chest flutter softly.

You did that.

“I-“ you started but the wide grin spreading on your face against your will, growing despite your attempts to suppress it with a bite to your tongue, made your voice die with a squeak.

The man chuckled, the outline of his wings moving under the fabric of his jacket and the thought of Keigo ruffling his wings joyfully in response to your obvious happiness...you wanted to kiss him silly.

“I think i love you, too, Keigo.”

He might have been the happiest bird man in the whole entire world when you said those words and for a moment...just one small moment, you really felt like the two of you could be free.

Taglist: @crystal-lilac

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avidreider · 4 years

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okay, i’ll admit it. (Spencer Reid x Reader)

Summary: Reader confronts her boyfriend Spencer about her insecurities and his answer wasn’t what she was expecting.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

This is my first go at fanfic, so let me know what you think if you choose to read!

CW: Just relationship insecurities, mild angst (with a happy ending), mentions of the deceased Maeve.

***not my gif***

You were ecstatic that you reached this milestone with your boyfriend, Spencer. Together for two whole years, that is something that no one was expecting from the genius who was usually unlucky when it came to romance. You were hopelessly in love with Spencer. I mean, why wouldn’t you be? He was everything that you ever dreamed of. Not that you guys didn’t argue; you were human, of course you did. It was usually about something minor and silly; you using up all of the hot water so that he had to take a cold shower, or him not doing the dishes or helping you clean your shared apartment until you nagged him into it, normal things that long-term couples argue about. Those arguments were ones that were resolved quickly. But for the past week (the week after your anniversary), you had been having deeper arguments that seriously needed resolved. It started Saturday night when he got home from a tough case. A man lost his girlfriend to a female suicidal unsub, which brought back all of his buried feelings about Maeve. You knew what happened with Maeve since Spencer was one of your closest friends before you began dating, but you never understood the severity of how it affected him. You personally didn’t see why it would affect him the way it did. He saw awful things everyday and even though he established a relationship with her, he had only met her once, and all they did was talk on the phone, write letters, and share information on their lives. He thought that he had lost Emily, who he cared for deeply and worked with every day, so it didn’t make much sense that Maeve’s death affected him more than Emily’s ‘death’ did. However, his team had notified you how badly he was hurt, so you made a conscious effort to never talk about Maeve with Spencer. Well, until Saturday.

“I don’t know why you nag me so much when I get home from a tough case, Y/N! I am only human, even though people joke that I must be a robot! I have feelings, and you would think that you of all people would try to tend to them!” Spencer had shouted at you after all you did was approach him several times to ask him to stop reading his book so that you two could cuddle on the couch.

“Spencer, you see terrible things all the time, and I try not to nag you when you get home, ever! I didn’t realize that seeking your attention and affection was such a bother to you!” you retorted.

“I don’t see how you can want my affection when I am so obviously thinking about a woman that I’ve loved and lost before our relationship began.” Spencer said, while not being able to look you in your eyes.

“Well apparently it isn’t that obvious, because I hadn’t known that you were thinking of her.” you said.

“Y/N...,” he began, “I’m reading the book that I told you she gifted to me. I told you about the case when I called you last night, which almost directly mirrors the events that led me to lose Maeve. How could it not be obvious that I’m thinking of her?” he asked.

“I am sorry that you are hurting right now. But the fact of the matter is, I am your girlfriend. Me. And I’m right here, and I’m alive.” you said weakly.

“That was incredibly insensitive, Y/N.”

“HOW?! How was that insensitive, Spencer?! It’s the truth! You met Maeve once! You only talked on the phone or in letters! You didn’t even know her. You knew whatever she told you, but that’s the extent of it. You don’t know what type of person she was. Her ex ‘stalked her,’ so she claimed, but you don’t know if that is entirely true. She may have been crazy or a bad person just manipulating you! You didn’t live with her! You just don’t know! But I am right here, and you know me better than I know myself, or so I thought, and I love you! I’ve bought you books before, too, but you don’t obsess over them the way you obsess over that one! It doesn’t make sense to me, Spencer, am I not good enough for you?” you said as tears fell from your eyes.

“I can’t believe you,” Spencer muttered, totally unmoved by your tears. “I love Maeve more than anything in the world, Y/N. And you weren’t there, you aren’t in my head and you don’t know how I feel. You don’t have the right to question the depth of those feelings. And if you’re done belittling my dead girlfriend, I’m going to bed,” and with that, he went to the bedroom.

You couldn’t help but notice he didn’t assure you that you were good enough. You also noticed that he called Maeve his ‘girlfriend’ rather than his ‘ex.’ You chose to sleep on the couch that night.

The next morning, Spencer refused to be the one to break the silence. He truly thought that you were in the wrong for being so harsh when discussing Maeve, but he didn’t recognize the insecurity and pain that was reflected in your statement. So you spent the remainder of the weekend avoiding each other, and when he left for work on Monday, you decided to give him the cold shoulder just as he was doing to you. You didn’t answer his calls or texts, even though they were few and far between compared to how he normally does.

They didn’t have a case all week, so they used the opportunity to catch up on the mountain of paperwork that had accumulated at the BAU, but Spencer was home well before dinner each night. On Wednesday night, he looked up from his book to you doing the dishes after a silent dinner, and asked “Are you just never going to talk to me again?”

Your temper flared and you spit back, “Why would I? You told me that you love Maeve, but yet you haven’t told me that you love me since before you left for the last case. You act like I’m not good enough for you anymore. You said she was your ‘girlfriend,’ when I thought that I had that title. You’re over there reading that stupid book while I’m doing all the damn chores. So what exactly do you want me to say to you?”

“I meant to say that I loved Maeve, Y/N. And she wasn’t even my girlfriend. That was just the best word I could think of to describe our relationship. And the book is not stupid.”

“No, Spencer, the best way to describe your relationship would have been EX-girlfriend.”

“The book isn’t stupid. Maybe you just don’t understand it.”

“You’re right Spencer. I’m just too stupid to understand it, right?”

“Y/N I didn’t mean---”

“Oh don’t try to back track now, Spencer. You said what you felt, right? I’m just your stupid replacement apparently. I’m sorry that I can’t be more like Maeve for you,” and with that, you stormed out of the apartment. You weren’t sure where to go, so you wandered aimlessly, expecting Spencer to follow you. He didn’t. You ended up walking to Emily’s, and told her all about your fight with Spencer.

“Y/N,” Emily said, “I think that you need to tell him how much it upsets you that he’s still hung up over Maeve. I know you are hurting, but he can’t read your mind.” You thought about her words as she drove you home. When you arrived, Spencer was already in bed. You slept on the couch yet again.

On Thursday evening, you cooked dinner as usual, and did the dishes, as usual. You were feeling exhausted, so you got comfortable on the couch after the nightly chores were done. Spencer looked up from his desk and said, “Why don’t you sleep in the bedroom?”

“Are you planning on sleeping out here, then?” you asked.

“Y/N, we can still sleep in the same bed.”

“Not if the whole time you’re wishing it was Maeve lying next to you rather than me.”

Spencer actually closed the book as he looked up to you and spoke, “I have never wished it weren’t you. I just wish you weren’t so dramatic. The world doesn’t revolve around you, Y/N. I’m allowed to have thoughts about others.”

“Okay, Spencer. You’re right. My feelings don’t matter,” you say through tears as you head toward the bedroom. “Oh, and by the way, Spence, my world DOES revolve around you. And I would never want you to feel this way.”

Spencer joins you in the bedroom after he thinks you’re asleep but he’s on the phone with someone. You try not to be obvious as you listen to the conversation.

“I know, I know, I just wish she were a little more understanding. I do love her very much, and want a future with her, but it just seems like she’s angry that I had feelings for another woman before her... I hate not talking to her though. She’s my favorite part of the day... I hope she stops being mad at me soon... Okay, see you tomorrow, bye,” he hangs up as he crawls into bed. You feel somewhat guilty because you aren’t necessarily mad at him... You’re just upset.

On Friday morning, you feel Spencer kiss you goodbye even though it’s obvious he still thinks you’re asleep. That melts your heart, so you decided that you needed to try to resolve things. You had the day off from the hospital, so you headed into the bullpen of the BAU, but as you do, you notice something that throws you off. Spencer was laughing and playfully ‘fighting’ with JJ. You knew that he had had a crush on her, but you thought it was in the past tense. But after what was before your eyes and the events that unfolded over the weekend, you weren’t so sure. He caught your eye and stopped his actions immediately. That only increased your suspicions. You approached him with the lunch you had brought for him and set it on his desk in front of him.

“Hi,” you said shyly.

“Hi. What’s this?” he questioned.

“I thought that I would bring you some lunch today. It’s from that new Thai restaurant. I hope you like it,” and with that, you decided it was best to just head back home.

He opened the bag and discovered that you had written him a letter.

Dear Spencer,

I am sorry about what I said over the past few days. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or disrespect Maeve in any way. It’s just that I have been feeling really insecure lately, and I feel like you don’t love me the way that I love you. I know that your job is emotionally and physically exhausting, and I want to support you in any way that I can. But I have emotional needs too. You have barely wanted to even touch me this week, or even talk to me. And I’ve noticed that any time you read the book she gave to you, you seem to resent me or forget that I even exist. I understand that I am not as smart as you or that I’m not as pretty as what you deserve, but I do love you and would do anything to make you happy. I hope that you feel the same.

Guilt washed through Spencer as your words and actions began to make a lot of sense. He pulled out his phone to call you, but you didn’t answer. So he sent a text that read, “Hey sweetheart. I just read your letter. I am so sorry that you are feeling that way. Please come back so that we can have lunch together.”

Your response was simply, “I already ate,” even though that was a lie.

Spencer texted back, “Okay, well let’s go grab coffee or ice cream, or both if you want. :)”

“That’s okay Spencer, take JJ instead.”

He called again, and you quickly pushed decline. A frustrated sigh left his lips, and he pushed ‘call’ one more time.

This time, you answered, “What, Spencer?”

“Are you seriously upset that I was talking to JJ?”

“Not talking Spencer, flirting. You were flirting with JJ, and you know it. You think that I forgot that you were in love with her too? I am sorry that I am not enough for you, but maybe you should just dump me instead, okay?” and with that, you hung up.

He was angry with himself for not realizing why that felt that way. The way you had been acting all week was obviously because you felt insecure. You weren’t trying to hurt him, he realized, you were just hurt yourself. When Spencer came home, he saw you running around the house cleaning and putting away laundry. “Baby, can we talk?”

“Sure,” you replied while you were hanging up his work clothes.

“Do you want me to help with that?” he asked, as he pointed at the laundry basket.

“I mean, they are YOUR clothes. You never seem to help me around the house though until I ‘nag’ you first, so you don’t have to help if it will be that big of an inconvenience for you.”

“Y/N, I am so sorry that I am hurting you. I guess I didn’t even realize that I was. I am so incredibly sorry.”

“Do you love me? Or do you love Maeve? Or JJ? I honestly can’t handle being a second, or I guess, third, option anymore.”

“There are different levels of love, baby. I used to have feelings for JJ, but I love her as if she were my sister. I did have a crush on her, but I also had a crush on you before I had you. And that’s a crush that never faded like the one with JJ did. And okay, I’ll admit it. I did love Maeve. I saw a future with her that I didn’t dream of before her. I felt like there were so many opportunities that were lost once she was gone. But you are my future now. Sometimes I do wish I could’ve saved her, not because I don’t love you, but because I failed to protect her. It was hard to adjust to life without her, but I did. But on the way home I was thinking about you. If I had lost you the way I lost her, there’s no way I could ever recover. If you had even left me because I’ve been neglecting your needs, I don’t know what I would’ve done. I also love my mom, of course, and I love my team. But, Y/N, I am so unconditionally and irreversibly in love with you. I am so sorry that you’ve been feeling insecure. But honey, you are so much more than enough for me; No woman in this world can hold a candle to you. You are brilliant, beautiful, funny, and so, so, sexy,” he adds as he plants kisses on your neck.

“I love you, Spence,” you say in between panting breaths.

“I love you more than anything, Y/N. And please, tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it. I don’t want you to feel like this anymore. You want more help around the house? I’ll fold the laundry, I’ll do the dishes, I’ll vacuum. I will never again say no to cuddling after a case. I wanna give you the world, baby.”

“You’ll do ANYTHING?” you ask. Spencer nodded.

“Can we go get that ice cream now?” you asked with a smile.

Spencer gave you a chaste kiss and replied, “I’ll get the keys.”

This was my first time writing fanfic so I’m sorry if it was bad but I got the idea and had to write it down. If you read it let me know what you think!

#spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid #spencer reid imagines #criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds x y/n #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid x you #reader insert #doctor reid #dr. spencer reid #dr. reid #spencer reid fluff

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chaoticpuff17 · 4 years

Text

Something Wicked

part 12

masterlist

Warning: major character death, yandere behavior, violence

Hello, my darlings. This is unfortunately the last chapter of SW except for perhaps an epilogue, but I’m still undecided on that. It’s been a ride. Thank you all so much for reading! Enjoy!--- chaotic puff

Much like everything else in her life, Jin chose her dress for the evening and embarrassingly enough, her undergarments as well. She had to admit though that the dress was flattering. Should she have expected anything less though? Nothing in the closet was particularly unflattering. Jin had picked everything so that she would match the image of the dazzling Kim Seokjin. She was long since unsurprised by any of it though. Weeks under Jin’s thumb had left her a shell of herself. She didn’t even have the dog to keep her company anymore. Jin had sent him out to a kennel in preparation for their honeymoon a week in advance. He wanted all of her focus to be on him and the wedding. The dog was deemed an unnecessary distraction. It was just another little thing that made her resent him on an ever growing list.

It was more was becoming more and more of a struggle just to keep herself together, but no one ever would have guessed from looking at her. That was what it meant to be a part of the Kim family, unending grace and poise, never a hair out of place. She had to assume that this was why the heads of the family had even gone along with Jin’s decision to marry her. Not only was he their golden son, but she was perfectly matched to their image of a daughter-in-law in all but family background. They could overlook her lack of background when she was suitable in all other categories and Jin, their most darling son, had chosen her.

She stared at herself in the mirror trying to reconcile the woman before her with the memory of who she had been before everything had happened. This woman was elegant, refined, empty, nothing more than a puppet on a string. The color of the dress made her ill. Red. Red dress. Red shoes. But it was not the bright red that was associated so commonly with weddings. No, this was a deep wine red closer to the color of the bruises so carefully hidden all across her body.

The bruises that marred her wrists were only highlighted by the color as was the hickey that Jin had so meticulously placed on her neck. The halter top of the dress did nothing to distract the eye from the offending mark, and neither did the earrings that Jin had provided her with. A thin string of diamonds fell from her ear ending at her jaw in a perfect pear shaped gem. He had even instructed her to wear her hair up. The simply pony tail she had chosen over a bun provided some cover, but it still left her neck and the mark there exposed for all to see.

Jin didn’t need to hide the marks on her body though. This was his family, and they wouldn’t question his actions. Why would they? Jin could do as he pleased. He could probably even get away with murder if he so chose. He already had if her suspicions about Minseok were correct.

The thought of her love made her heart ache. She couldn’t help the guilt that swept through her at the thought of him. If it hadn’t been for her, he would still have been alive. If she had never agreed to that first date, Jin would have had no reason to act against him. She could only hope that whatever Jin had done with him had been swift, though she doubted it. The Jin she had come to know was anything but merciful. He was many things, a narcissist being among them, but he was not merciful.

“Y/N?” He called walking into the closet where she was getting ready. “Darling?” he called again stopping with a smirk in the middle of the room as he took in the sight of her through the mirror. “You look lovely, darling. Absolutely beautiful.”

Her answer was robotic, ingrained. “Thank you, Jin.”

“Are you ready, darling? I don’t want to keep my parents waiting.”

“Yes, Jin.” She nodded turning to face him though keeping her eyes downcast in submission. He liked her submissive. It fed his ego. “I just need to grab a coat, and I’ll be ready.”

He hummed instructing her to stay where she was as he began to rifle through her side of the closet. Of course she wouldn’t be allowed to choose her own coat. How silly of her to ever think she had a choice.

He returned moments later with a black coat in hand carefully draping it over her helping her into the soft material before stepping back so she could fasten the garment around her. If there was one thing she was grateful for, it was that Jin’s fashion sense never drifted to the risqué in anything other than the array of lingerie he provided. Everything else was demure, fitting for the wife of such an important man. None of her dresses and skirts were shorter than the tops of her knees, and her necklines were always modest with only the barest hint of cleavage being revealed if any at all. Even the coat draped around her was demure. It fell down past her knees stopping at the tops of her shins. The collar was high providing coverage to her neck and half hiding the mark Jin had left there, and like everything else in her wardrobe, it was high quality.

“You look lovely in Dior, darling.” Jin murmured placing a kiss just under her jaw as she finished fastening the belt around her waist.

It was cinched more than it would have been before all of this. The stress of living under Jin’s tyranny had seen a drastic decline in her weight. She never stepped on a scale. She didn’t know where one was, but she wouldn’t have been surprised to find that she had lost twenty pounds or more over her weeks with Jin. Even her hair had suffered. Clumps of it would come out in the shower as it had in her college days during exam weeks or during times of extreme stress. She could barely recognize herself in the sharp angles and hollow eyes of the woman that stared back at her in the mirror.

“Shall we, darling?” Jin grinned offering her his arm, which she reluctantly took allowing him to lead her out of the penthouse for the first time since he had taken her.

One of the hardest pills to swallow was the look of surprise on Jin’s driver’s face when he saw her. She had known Suho for years. They had commiserated on more than one occasion on the harsh realities of working for a perfectionist like Jin, but he looked almost as though he had seen a ghost. Perhaps he had. She certainly felt like one.

“Mr. Kim.” Suho stuttered opening the door of the car for them his eyes still wide with shock.

Jin ushered her into the car first throwing Suho a harsh glare as he did. She was his to look at, not some lowly driver’s. Jin didn’t like other men staring at her, but Suho had been a loyal member of staff for years and quickly averted his gaze without another word as soon as he felt Jin’s glare upon him. He liked Y/N, but not enough to risk Jin’s wrath by attempting to speak with her or take any further notice of her.

The ride out to the family estate was silent. Jin fiddled with his phone while resting heavy hand on her thigh as they drove through the city. There was nothing for her to do but stare at the city as it went past. The path was a familiar one. She’d been to the family home before on multiple occasions. She had never suspected that it would be under these circumstances though. If someone had asked her a few months ago if she could see herself marrying Kim Seokjin, she would have laughed in their faces. She would have given anything to go back to those days, to go back to the day she had first entered Kim Seokjin’s life and turn and run for the hills. There was no use lingering on such thoughts though. This was her life, retched as it may be. She had to survive even if it meant submitting to someone as vile as Seokjin.

The house looked much like it always did, grand and imposing much like the people who inhabited it. She had never been fond of Jin’s parents. She’d always felt out of place in the large house. Seokjung was really the only member of the family that Y/N liked, but it wasn’t as if she knew him very well. That didn’t matter though. It wasn’t as if she got a say in who her in-laws were. She didn’t get a say in any of it.

When they exited the car, Mrs. Kim was standing there ready to greet them, well to greet Seokjin at least. She was an accessory on her son’s arm.

“Jinnie!” She cooed rushing forward to hug her son a smile stretched across her painted lips. “It’s been too long!”

“Eomma.” He greeted hugging her back. “This is Y/N.” He stepped back pushing her forward and bringing her to his mother’s attention.

“The assistant.” She mused staring down her nose at her. “She’s pretty at least.” She huffed taking her son by the arm and pulling him into the house with Y/N trailing behind. “Your father and I have been looking forward to seeing you. I can’t believe that my little boy is all grown up and getting married.” She sighed dramatically stopping in the foyer so that a maid could take both of their coats.

“Son.” Mr. Kim walked into the room greeting his younger son in the stoic way that he always did. “This must be Y/N.” He nodded looking her up and down critically. “You picked well. She’s beautiful.”

“She’ll give us beautiful grandchildren.” His wife agreed looping her arm through his. “Don’t you think so, dear?”

“There’ll be plenty of time for talk of that later.” He hummed leading his wife towards the parlor for drinks as he and Jin began to talk business. Y/N trailed along her head bowed and arm looped through Jin’s.

She couldn’t help but wonder where Seokjung was. Surely he would be at a family dinner. He was her only saving grace in this nightmare of a dinner. She knew full well that he was the only one that would talk to her like a person and not just the pretty bimbo that their son was marrying. Jin certainly wasn’t going to make this evening any less awkward or her, but so far he was nowhere to be seen.

“Will Seokjung be joining us?” She dared to ask drawing the attention of the entire family to her.

Both Jin and his father stared at her with disapproval, but Jin’s mother pasted on a condescending smile. “Aren’t you sweet?” She hated the sickly sweet tone of the woman’s voice. “I’m sure he’s somewhere, maybe in the kitchen. He does so love to bother the staff in there.” She chuckled the sound grating against Y/N’s ears. “If you’re worried, you could go check on him, but I’m sure he’d be much happier eating in the kitchen than with the rest of the family.”

Y/N had to bite her tongue to keep her temper in check. It had always bothered her how the family treated Seokjung after the accident. He was paralyzed, not a pariah. “I think I will.” She pasted on a smile of her own ignoring the way look of slight annoyance and disapproval that Jin was giving her.

“Hurry back, darling.” He murmured placing a kiss on her cheek as he let her go.

She shot him a strained smile, but didn’t say anything else as she made her way towards the kitchen. It was where she normally ended up when she went to the Kim’s home. Much to her relief, Seokjung was inside when she entered the room which was oddly empty of staff.

“Hey, busy bee.” He greeted and she couldn’t help but smile at the fond nickname. It had started out mockingly when she had first met him, but it was an affectionate term now. “I see Jin finally got to you.”

“Not by choice.” She scoffed coming to take a seat across from him at the breakfast nook. “Can I ask you something?” Seokjung raised a brow taking a sip of his tea but making no move to stop her from asking. “Did Seokjin do this to you?”

The man froze something dark flashing in his eyes before it left again. He set down his cup and leveled her with a serious gaze. “And why do you ask that?” She raised a brow of her own waiting to see if he could piece things together on his own. Seokjung was by no means a stupid man despite how the rest of his family treated him. “I’m guessing the bruises on your wrists are from him.” He sighed leaning back in his chair. “How long?”

“Since this started.” She whispered staring down at the marks on her wrists. “There’s something very wrong with your brother.”

“I’m glad someone else is willing to recognize it.” He scoffed chuckling bitterly. “Yeah. This was his fault.”

“Your parents didn’t do anything?”

“Why would they? They always liked Jin better. Mother’s precious boy.” He shook his head as though clearing his thoughts before steering the attention back towards her. “How did he rope a sweet girl like you into this, bee?”

“Would you believe me if I said kidnapping?”

“He put his own brother in a wheel chair. I’d believe you.” He chuckled humorlessly. “Sweet kid like you doesn’t deserve this.”

“And you did?” She scoffed staring him down from across the table. “Your family is seriously fucked up.”

“I’m aware.” He rolled his eyes though a slight smile pulled at the corner of his lips. “How long do you have before Seokjin comes looking for you?”

“Not long.” She shudder hating the thought of going back to sit through dinner with Jin and his parents.

“Perfect.” The smile that overtook Seokjung’s face was vicious, his eyes too bright, too manic.

“What are you…”

She couldn’t finish her sentence. Jin had entered the room immediately zeroing in on her. “There you are, darling.” He walked over a frown on his face as he looked between her and his brother. “We were wondering what was taking you so long.”

He reached for her wrist only to freeze as a harsh thud sounded through the kitchen sending Jin crashing to the floor. Y/N watched in horror as Seokjung raised a pipe she hadn’t even been aware that he had up bringing it down on the disoriented Jin’s head with a sickening crack.

There was an odd sense of satisfaction that filled her as she watched a puddle of red almost the color of her dress form under Jin’s head.

“What…why?” Her gaze flitted back to Seokjung who was staring down at his brother with burning hatred.

“It’s time he got what was coming to him, rotten bastard.” He spat bringing the pipe down on his brother’s head again, Y/N flinching at the sight of it.

“Oh god…” She whispered her gaze flitting back to the growing puddle on the floor.

“Bee… bee!” Seokjung’s voice pulled her attention back to him before she could begin to spiral. “Do you wanna get out of here or not?” he asked his serious gaze keeping her pinned in place.

“What?”

“Do you want to get out of here?”

“More than anything.”

Seokjung nodded pulling a two bags out from the next to him at the breakfast nook and setting them on the table between them. “There’s a change of clothes in that bag. The tote has passport and a ticket on a flight leaving Korea later tonight as well as all the paperwork you’ll need to start a new life.”

Her head was reeling try to make sense of what was going on. “I don’t…”

“If you stay here my family is going to try to pin this on you. They can’t do that if you’re not here.”

“What are you… You planned this.” She breathed out in quite awe tinged with a little horror at the thought.

“You’ve given me the opportunity I’ve been looking for for ages. He’d never come visit me on his own, but he does so love to brag, and you’re the only one that would come looking for me in this hellhole.” He nudged the body with the pipe. “You’ve done me a favor, busy bee.”

“You killed him.”

“An eye for an eye.” He shrugged. “I’m just taking back what he took from me. Now do you want to get out of here or not?”

“More than anything.” She whispered pulling the bags towards her. “What about my dog?”

“Go to the states. Start fresh. I’ll send him along once you’re settled.” He ordered humming in approval as she began to move. “I have my driver waiting outside waiting to take you to the airport. You’re home free, bee. There’s even a phone in there. It’s got my number if you need anything.”

She stood up carefully avoiding the body and the blood as well as she could. “Why are you doing this for me?”

“You’re a sweet girl, bee, and you’ve always been kind to me. Don’t rat me out, and we can both be living the good life.”

She nodded letting the realization that he was giving her an out, a real out, settle in. “Okay…. Okay.”

“What will your parents say?”

He scoffed rolling himself back from the table. “You leave them to me. Now get out of here before they come looking for their precious son.”

She nodded resolutely making her way towards the door leading to the back entrance to the Kim house. “Thank you.”

“Good luck, busy bee.”

She made it to the door before turning back to look at Seokjung one last time before she left behind his crazy family for good. He nodded urging her to leave, a manic gleam in his eyes. He was enjoying this far too much, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. He’d set her free, and she’d take his secret to the grave.

She smiled, her first real smile in weeks. “Give them hell.”

“I plan to.”

epilogue....

#bts #bts fic #yandere bts #bts seokjin #bts jin #kim seokjin #yandere seokjin #ceo seokjin #seokjin x reader #yandere #hard yandere #jin x reader #yandere jin #ceo jin #dark romance #something wicked #fanfic #bts fanfic

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sleepysailorghost · 3 years

Text

There are a lot of reasons why it's better for Boone to walk behind the Courier.

Tactically, it doesn't hurt. He's trained as a sniper, and ED-E alerts them of any dangers ahead of them. The Courier can dispatch any enemies with their six guns, plasma rifle, or cowboy repeater. What they don't take down, he takes out with his rifle.

At least part of it is an attempt to assuage the guilt he feels. He had seen the Courier injured before, but he didn't think he would have to see them nearly die. In hindsight, he probably should have-he was cursed, after all.

The Courier had told him he wasn't cursed. That no one was punishing him. He didn't know if he believed that yet.

He didn't hear anything when the Courier had slipped down the cliff. He agonized over that day-wondering if he had heard something and just ignored it. A shuffling of rocks, a scream or shout. But there had been nothing.

He had just kept walking, the Courier's chirping little robot at his side. Even he didn't know when he had noticed the Courier's absence.

When he had finally found them, it had nearly been too late. All his field medical training seemed to go out the window when he saw the Courier laying broken in the ravine. He had used so many stimpacks on them, they nearly died of stim sickness.

But they didn't. Hard to kill, or something. He tried to pull away after that, tried to piss off the Courier so they'd hate him.

They didn't hate him.

Maybe they just didn't know how.

The Courier drags him all over the Mojave and he follows and watches their back.

He doesn't know how that became how he feels now. He's never been good with emotions anyway.

It isn't something he knows how to handle, so he decides to ignore it. He doesn't want it. The Courier is his friend, not Carla. And for him, it was only ever Carla.

Watching the Courier's back desn't keep them from being taken from him, not any more than it prevents them from getting into trouble. He was behind them when they were knocked out and taken away.

But he was there when they returned and he helped them put their peices back together. It would be easier to just let both of them fall apart. It would be easier to deprieve themselves simply because it's too much work to do anything else. Too much work to eat or drink.

Instead, he makes an effort. It isn't easy, but he isn't alone. In time, they grow to being two individuals who want to live. They always were a bunch of problem solvers.

Once, after he and Arcade had convinced the Courier it was safe to rest for a time, Arcade had said something to him.

"It's rotten work, taking care of them."

"Not if it's them. Not to me."

Arcade smirked at them like he had won something in this exchange. Boone ignored him. Whatever Arcade thought that admission-that he cared about the Courier-proved meant nothing.

He was just trying to keep his friend alive.

The Courier has gone to meet someone from their past. They've gone somewhere he can not follow, just as they had been kidnapped away to the Sierra Madre, abducted to the Big MT. Only, this time he's chosen not to follow.

Whatever the Courier finds-if it ends up being the home they had forgotten-he'd rather they didn't have to worry about him.

When the Courier does return, they run to him and grab him in a hug faster than he can react. They burrow into his chest in a way that would have been intrusive if it was anyone but them.

"I misssed you!" they mumble into his armor. "You won't believe-"

But before they can finish, their little robot is beeping so frantically to get their attention. The Courier's arms drop and they take a step back from him, seemingly embarrassed by their affections.

As the Courier and ED-E engage in a conversation Boone can only half understand, he looks out into the desert to compose himself. That's when he sees it first. A glint of something out in the sands.

Initially, he has no idea what it could be. His eyesight's sharp, but not that sharp. It doesn't look like Legion, so he doesn't shoot it.

The Courier is so proud of their new name. It's taken from an Old World battle, and someone had given it to them.

Boone thinks its a mouthful. It takes some time for him to adjust. He had been so used to refering to them as Six or just Courier. Eventually, he decides to just shorten it to Tie.

It's not because he's stupid, no matter what Arcade says. Antietam just takes too long to say.

The name wasn't the only thing Tie had brought back with them. Their bounty-hunter attire is retired in favor of a blue duster with an Old World flag on the back. It certainly makes them stand out against the Mojave.

The Glint he had sighted back in Novac didn't disappear. It followed them. Boone is fairly certain it's a person, but he can't gage their intent or why they are following them. He's fairly certain it's non-hostile-they had plenty of opportunities to kill both of them.

New Vegas looms large in front of them. There's business to be settled here, he knows, but it isn't his.

Instead of tracking down the man who stole their life and shot them in the head, Tie seems happy enough to serve as errand runner for Freeside.

Maybe that's why they had originally became a courier. The reason why doesn't matter much to them any more.

No matter how silly or monotonous a job seems, Tie is willing to complete it. They do a day's work for the Van Graff's and Boone can't help but stand a little closer to them after the attempted bombing.

The King certainly appreciates their work. He tells them as much, bringing Antietam to his room to discuss some task or another The King sent them out on.

He sits down on his stupid bed-what kind of a bed is that-and insists the Courier do the same. Boone stays standing, frowning a mile a minute.

"Darlin', could ya ask your soldier boy to wait outside a minute? I think we oughta have a discussion without an audience."

Boone has seen Antietam face hoards of Legion assassains without fear. He's seen them struggle to recover after whatever they saw in the Sierra Madre. Right now, he doesn't think that they want to be left alone with The King.

"Body guards work better if they're in the same room." Boone says, and leaves it at that.

"I guess, if the Courier trust ya that's enough for me." The King looks him sharply in the eye.

"Thank you." Tie says, but Boone knows that was for him. If his blood wasn't full of rage, he might be smilling right now.

When they return to their room at the Wrangler-not without Beautrice and Old Ben trying to offer their services to Antietam-the Courier says "You're not a body guard. You know that, right?"

"You didn't want to be alone with him." Boone says in response.

"T-That's not-I didn't want to be seperated from you."

"Huh."

And then they pretend that conversation didn't happen. They go to sleep, and their room at the Wrangler only has the one bed. It's not all that awkward, and Boone was just thankful that Tie wanted to sleep. in the morning, they get up and head off on some other grand adventure.

This time, it's investigating what's wrong with the water at the NCR Sharecropper farms. The Glint darts closer to them than it normally strays.

Close enough for Boone to get a decent look at it. It's a man. He moves a little like a Legion man, but he doesn't look like one of Caesar's. His duster is the same as the one Tie brought back back from the Divide.

Tie never had told him too much about the Divide. He sort of expected that. They didn't speak about the Sierra Madre or the Big MT, or even about their trip to Zion unless he asked.

Small talk has never been his strong suit. Arcade, the nosy guy, would be much better at getting this sort of stuff from them.

"Your duster's new." He says casually.

"Yeah. Ulysses gave it to me." They respond.

"Ulysses...What's that guy like?" He asks.

Antietam thought for a moment and then answered.

"He's the strongest man I've ever met. Eyes like a hawk, really skilled in hunting and tracking."

Boone hugged his riffle a little tighter. It was a massive weapon, one lovingly assembled by Tie. He puzzles over that, and then decides that was what he meant. Antietam had lovingly assembled the Anti-Material Rifle for him, handing over dozens of caps to the Gun Runners for peices and parts for it. Any time he started to run low on ammo, Tie handed him another box of .50. They didn't have to, but he always appreciated it.

"Huh." Strongest man they've ever met, huh? An incrediably stupid idea forms in his head. "Hey, Tie, do you think I can carry you?"

"W-What? Don't be stupid-I'm carrying a bunch of gear right now."

"I could do it. Who do you think carried you out of the ravine?" He answered defensively.

"I'm not saying you couldn't do it. I'm saying you shouldn't." Tie settled their beret, and then fixed their pin in their hair. It glinted a little in the sun. "Who are you trying to show off for? There's no one around."

They were heading into a vault. Boone hated vaults.

Dwellers themselves were alright, but if there was a vault where people worked together and Vault-Tec didn't shoot them in the foot by drugging them or something, it wasn't in the Mojave. Boone still thought about the spore-creatures.

This vault isn't any different from other vaults. It's partially flooded, and Tie's geiger counter keeps on beeping.

"Alrright, I'm going to dive down now." Tie says as they stand over a flooded section of the vault. They loved water, always seemed so transfixed and mystified by large bodies of water. Only, they didn't seem to like being in the water all that much. Boone had asked once, and the Courier had just said "Have you ever been buried alive?" and left it at that.

Antietam is not very good at swimming. It's not all that surprising-most bodies of water are too tainted for swimming.

They strip down to their underclothes, all lanky limbs and scars on show. Handing their beret and duster to Boone and removing their boots, they strap on their rebreather. The spurrs of their boots clack against the ground as they wade into the flooded chamber.

He hates waiting for the Courier to reemerge. Anything could go wrong and they would be unable to defend themselves. Eyes on the water, watching for any disturbance, he thinks about something else.

He hasn't seen The Glint since they entered the Vault. Maybe it didn't follow them down here. He'll bring it up when the Courier resurfaces. It should be any second now, but that doesn't stiffle the feeling that they've been down there too long.

Shit. Maybe they ran into an issue with their rebreather. He knew that was a peice of junk. He drops TIe's clothing and is frantically taking off his boots when the Courier rises from the water.

"Christ, Tie. Don't scare me like that."

Antietam drops a handful of ammo on the vault flooring.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to. I found a lock box at the bottom, but I knew I couldn't get it back up to the surface so I popped the lock. " The Courier wrings a little water out of their hair. "Should have done this part last, huh? I'm soaked through."

It's when they leave Vault 34, sick with rads, that he brings up The Glint. He's looking directly at The Glint.

"Do you see that? Do you ever feel like something is watching you?"

"Yeah? I got you, don't I?"

"That's not what I meant."

As Arcade treats their radiation sickness, Boone watches for The Glint.

It was better if he did this alone, he reasoned. He felt uneasy leaving the Courier, especially while they were sleeping, but he knew that there was little threat of anything getting into their room at the Wrangler.

He was facing the real threat: whoever was following them. That, and however sore Tie was going to be if they woke up and found him missing.

The Glint was on the roof of a building adjacent to the Wrangler. His focus on his quarry is stedfast. The Glint doesn't move.

The Glint turns out to be a man, as he had thought. The man isn't anyone he recognizes, but he recognizes the duster the man is shrouded in.

This must be Ulysses, he thinks, although his evidence is shallow at best. Ulysses-if this is him-is sleeping with a hunter's awareness. The Mojave night is warm, and Boone walks away from that roof.

He isn't sneaking. If the man wakes, he wakes. He's fairly sure that Ulysses is no enemy of the Courier, not with how fondly they had spoke of him.

A few days later, the Courier leaves without warning. Leaves of their own volition-not abducted-this time. Comes back in an Old World suit, eyes red from crying. Before he or Arcade could ask what's wrong or why they left, Antietam is pulling the researcher into a hug, muttering some story.

Arcade removes the Courier, holding them at arm's length.

"Hold on, I can't understand you when you're muttering like that. You did what?"

The Courier can't meet Arcade's eyes and is definitely avoiding Boone's gaze.

"I said, I went to go settle things with Benny."

"Ah, yes. The man who shot you in the head. Well, he doesn't appear to have finished the job. You aren't hurt, right?"

"No, it didn't come to that. I'm alright." They find something fascinating in the dirt of their nails. "Reputation might have taken a hit though."

"What did you do, Antietam?" Arcade was something like the Courier's brother, and he often had reason to be concerned for them.

"Tried to seduce Benny."

Arcade looks at Antietam for a second, like he's sure he's heard wrong.

"Sorry, run that by me again?"

"I tried to seduce Benny."

Arcade inhales deeply, and then sighs. He rakes a hand over his face.

"Why? Where did you even get that idea?"

"I thought it was the best way to get him alone! I wasn't going to do anything!" They still aren't looking Arcade in the eye-too afraid to see disappointment. "It didn't work anyway."

"What were you going to do? Talk to him? He tried to kill you!" Arcade says. And then he snaps. "It's your life anyway. Just don't come crying to me when you make a mess of it. Although it seems you already have."

Boone does not say anything. He just doesn't know what to say. This was not a situation he had ever anticipated. He's mainly just shocked by the Courier's actions, and by the blinding fury of his own jealousy. That's probably a thread, but he's doing his best to not pull at it.

"Arcade.." Antietam tries, but Arcade responds with a quick. "Just go to bed, Courier. We'll talk in the morning."

Dejectedly, the Courier climbs into the Wrangler's lone bed and tries to sleep.

"Trying to seduce the man who shot them in the head. What will they think of next?" Arcade mutters , more to himself than to Boone. "It's late. You can take the floor."

In the morning, Antietam wakes up in bed with their brother and their fight the prior evening seems less severe. They get up, get dressed and head over to Mick and Ralph's for odds and ends. New Vegas was a grand place, sure, but it wasn't somewhere Antietam could live. All the lights hurt their head, for one.

Another gift from Benny, packaged in lead wrapping paper. As the Courier steps out they are accosted by Vulpes Inculta. He isn't dressed as he was as a Nipton, but the Courier's reflexes take over and they draw their sixgun.

"Patience, Courier." He says, and then bestows the Mark of Caesar upon them. Antietam instantly feels worse for it, craving a bath if only to wash this man off of them.

The Wrangler doesn't have such amenities, but it does have Boone and Arcade. Two of their favorite people, and the support Antietam happens to need at the moment.

Already, a plan is forming in their head. Barely a step outside of the Wrangler, blood pooling at their feet, they turn and reenter the building.

James Garret tries to get their attention-maybe for work, maybe because he heard of Benny's rejection. It doesn't matter to them at the moment. With the mark burning a hole in their hand, they climb the stairs to their room.

"Antietam, your hands are looking rather empty. Did you forget your caps or something?" Arcade says, smiling at the Courier.

Antietam doesn't say anything, walking up to the table and dropping the medallion. Arcade examines it, eyes wide.

"I got the Mark of Caesar."

"How? Why?"

"They just gave it to me because they're impressed with my work."

"You have killed a fair number of their men."

"Yeah, we're a bunch of problem solvers."Boone chimes in.

"Yeah, we are. Anyway, that's not all. They invited me up there-to their fortress-so I can meet with Caesar." Antietam was smirking. Pointing a finger at Boone, they asked him. "Say, what do you think about wiping out the Legion's Fort, huh?"

"I'd say we're outnumbered." Boone responded, a grin growing on his face despite their very apparent outnumberedness.

"But we've got the element of surprise?"

"Sure, we'd have to be something awfully stupid to try and attack the fort with three men." Arcade added.

"We can probably stop by McCarran on the way, see if Col. Hsu can spare any men for the attack. First recon hasn't left for Forlorn Hope yet, yeah?"

"You head out to McCarran and they'll keep you there all day. "

"I can run errands for Hsu if it gets us men." Antietam responded. "I took care of their messenger, so we should be have some time."

The Courier stretched, and then got to work preparing for their trek across the Mojave and their upcoming battle with the Legion.

It was stupid, and he had a million other things to do, but Boone had an idea. He looked over at Antietam, who was currently comparing different side arms. They put Cram-Opener to the side. Really, they weren't much of a melee or unnarmed fighter, but Little Buster had been something like a friend to the Courier.

"Tie?" He asked, and they looked over at him, putting down their weapons. "Remember how I said I could pick you up?"

"Yeah, but I-"

"You aren't carrying any gear right now." He stepped forward, pulled his friend into a secure hold. It wasn't all that difficult, even if he and Antietam were about the same height. "Told you I could do it."

"Yes, you're looking exceptionally virile." Arcade said, narrowing his eyes at the duo. "Put Antietam down so they can get packed."

Boone rolled his eyes, but put Antietam down.

It was a fast enough walk to Camp McCarran. Hsu, for once, didn't have a grocer's list of errands for them. He was mostly surprised to see them.

Antietam explained their situation and their plan to attack the fort.

"The mark of Caesar? You never cease to surprise, Courier." Col. Hsu never referred to the Courier by name. For what reason, Boone didn't know and didn't really care. "Regardless, we can't spare the men. We just diverted some of our forces to Bittersprings, and the First Recon left for Camp Forlorn Hope this morning. Even if we could, we shouldn't place military troops in the hands of a civilian."

The Courier had fought and seized Nelson from the Legion. Had the NCR forgotten that? But the Courier bites their tongue.

"Yes, I suppose that would be the case. I guess we'll have to take care of Caesar ourselves, huh? Alright, I'll be back to collect the bounty on that-there is a bounty, right?"

"I'm sure we can rustle up something." Hsu said, although it was evident from his tone that he did not think he would see the Courier again. "Goodbye, Courier. Thank you for everything."

"So that was a bust." Arcade said as they exited McCarran.

"It was a long shot anyway. Couple of hours walk to the fort." Antietam said, settling their bag on their shoulder. They had dressed for a fight, assassain suit concealed by their duster, beret on their head, and Arcade's pin in their hair. "Yeah, I recon it's probably about several hundred men against the three of us. Uh, that's the thing. Y'all don't have to go with me. It's likely that we would die or worse and I-"

"And what, leave you to take on the Legion by yourself? I'm going with you, and if we go down, we'll take as many of them with us as we can." Boone said. In a quieter voice, he added "And if you get captured..."

His voice trailed off, but they both knew. Arcade was walking ahead of them a little. Antietam nodded, a consent to things that were too awful to say aloud.

"I'll do the same for you." Either that, or die fighting like hell to get him out. "It might not come to a direct confrontation. I've got a couple packs of C4. Could lay those around the camp, set 'em off. I have some stealth-boys too, if you wanna try that."

"How much?"

"A dozen packs of C4, and 4 stealthboys. Not exactly a surplus. Could stop and get mines too. Didn't think to bring any."

As they walked, he scanned the horizon, looking for any sign of trouble. He knew Ulysses was following them, but he didn't anticipate any fight with him.

All the confusion and jealousy of the prior night had been forgotten in the wake of the Courier's plan to attack the Fort. It certainly had been a wild day.

They reach the Fort via the Cottonwood Cove waterway. Arcade elects to stay behind at the Cove and to send reinforcements if they don't return in time.

But miraculously, they survive. Caesar is dead, and the Courier is victorious. It's almost certainly the heat of the battle getting to his head, but Boone wants to kiss Antietam. Badly.

He settles for picking the Courier up and spinning around. They're both laughing, a rich thing in the air between them, half drunk on victory.

Someone's voice cuts through their reverie.

"Say, wouldn't you let a guy loose, baby? At least before you start macking on each other?"

Shit, had they forgotten someone? He thought they had cleared the camp. Weapons drawn, they quickly find the speaker. It's a man in a checkered suit.

"Oh, if it isn't my baby! Come to rescue me, huh?" Despite the heavy bruising on his face, he smirks and it's almost half charming. "Told them you'd come for me. Just couldn't get enough of me?"

"I didn't know you had left Vegas." Tie says quickly, shutting him down. The man's face fell.

"So what was all that then? Business as usual?"

"Just about, yeah."

"Tie, you know this man?" Boone asked.

"Not really. This is Benny, y'know the one who shot me in the head. What are you doing here, actually?"'

"You gonna untie me if I tell you? What kind of a name is Tie anyway?"

"A good one." They said, feeling their energy level begin to wane as they spoke with Benny. They just didn't make guides on how to speak with your would-be murderer who you tried and failed to seduce. "I'll think about it. Why are you here?"

"Those bullets must have scrambled your egg pretty good." Benny said. "What's it look like? I got captured sneaking into the fort."

"You want me to take care of this guy for you?" Boone said.

"No?"

"Oh, come on, baby! You can't still be sore at me."

"Where's the platinum chip?"

"Caesar's got it. Or had it, considering he's probably worm food now. Baby, you don't know what-"

"Stop calling Tie your baby." Boone snapped.

"Bye, Benny." Antietam pulled a switchblade from their pocket and slashed his restraints.

"You're letting him go?"

"I don't care any more. Let's get the chip and loot and then head back to McCarran."

"What kind of bounty do you think Hsu rustled up?"

"None, probably. Still, we killed Caesar. Won't end the Legion, but it's a blow for sure."

"Sounds like what Ulysses would say. C'mon, let's get back to Arcade before he calls for the cavalry."

ED-E beeped cheerfully, and Boone smiled a little. Just a little.

As they walked through the river, Antietam stopped and then wrapped their arms around him.

"Thanks. For everything, y'know?"

"Yeah, sure, Tie."

Wounded and tired, they made their way back.

#courier 6 #courier antietam #fnv #craig boone #benny gecko #ulysses fnv #ulysses #fallout new vegas #arcade gannon #this is kinda a companion peice to the Ulysses one but uhhh

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lizacstuff · 3 years

Note

Your thoughts on the first episode of the new season? And can we talk about all those parallels? Also I'm loving the summer vibes!

I'm LIVING for the summer vibes! Doesn't everything feel like a breath of fresh air? I definitely feel like new life has been injected into the series. And that new location is so beautiful, I LOVE IT.

As for the episode, I thought it was masterfully done. You could tell Ayse was back and bringing the perfect mix of comedy, romance and drama. And the sparkle! The show sparkles again. The almost two and half hours flew buy, I was on the edge of my seat, and the performances from Hande and Kerem were amazing. Plus I just adore every moment between Serkan and his new nemesis (aka his secret daughter).

On the sober side, I don't care how jerky Serkan got while battling cancer, or how he may have pushed her away, nothing they've shown us so far even begins to justify Eda not telling him about Kiraz, and it certainly doesn't justify her continuing to lie when he's standing right in front of her making overtures (and her daughter is clearly longing for her father). Obviously, there are still many things we don't know and I'm sure there are many flashbacks to come, and Eda has been though so much, but still...I don't see how they will thread that needle and have Eda come out unscathed.

That being said, with this first episode they executed this story so well and it really does give new life to the series, so I won't dwell on the fact that Eda never would have done this. Never. We just have to move past it, accept that it's a soap opera plot device designed to give us an amazing second season packed with all sorts of amazing scenes and just enjoy every minute while it lasts.

(More under the cut)

I'll get to more on Edser later, as for everyone else... silliness abounds.

First... Erdem cheated on Leyla? WHAT!?!?! With whom? But I guess that was a clean way to explain Leyla leaving.

Engin and Piril, I love that Engin is staying home with their son, and that young actor is a cutie! As for Piril... GRRRRRR... she is still on my shitlist. Last time it was for betraying Eda (and Serkan) by enabling Selin's reign of terror, this time it's by betraying her friend and business partner Serkan! Good grief. If Piril just found out recently at the start of this project I could accept on her holding off because it's not her secret to run off and tell, but what I can't accept is her actively working against Serkan finding out. Even if in this episode she had gently said to Eda... "do you think maybe it's time you told him?" it would be a lot easier to swallow... but nope! She's acting like it would be the end of the world if Serkan found out. I sincerely hope that when everyone finds out and Engin finds out Piril knew, it causes problems between them. She deserves that.

She remains my second least favorite character. Who was my least favorite character this episode? Oh you know! Awful Ayfer is back! We got a reprieve from her in the last arc, but she's back to her annoying, controlling, Serkan-hating ways. Eda is a mother, an international award-winning landscape architect and business owner and she still has to lie to Ayfer because she's such a pain-in-the-ass? Watching her is going to be a trial.

Even though it feels like both Aydan and Ayfer were reset to zero character development, and Aydan has done worse (keeping the fact that Serkan was alive from Eda) I still find her a much easier character to take. Probably because Neslihan is a much better comedic actress, so she's a lot more entertaining. But... Aydan's been with Kemal for 5 years and hasn't told Serkan? WHY? I can't believe Kemal didn't give her an ultimatum years ago. I was loving, however, Serkan being in the way for both Aydan/Kemal and Engin/Piril. GOOD. Those people caused problems for him at one point or another or were in the way, it was nice to see him return the favor. I like Kemal and am still hoping they'll do a parallel "not knowing your father thing" and reveal he's Serkan's bio dad while Serkan is finding out he had a child he never knew about.

Melo and Seyfi were their awesome supportive, funny selves. It was great to see both of them, I'm so glad they stayed.

As for the new characters, love the kids. The new hotel manager is apparently ditzy and starstruck over Serkan, and I don't really understand how she's going to be integrated into the cast, but I love that she was used as a device to show us that Serkan has zero interest in any woman who is not Eda Yildiz. Eda's assistant seems like he'll be a fine side character. As for Burak, he seems harmless, obviously he has feeling for Eda that she does not reciprocate (fuck off Ayfer trying to push her on him) but hopefully they don't make him a psycho like Deniz. I did think he was a bit out of line to Serkan. Isn't that his cafe? And a customer has his glass spilled by a child in his care, and he insults him instead of apologizing? That is the worst customer service I've ever seen! He's a character that could wear on me quickly, we shall see. Kiraz can't help but be sassy because of genetics, but some of the adults in her life seem to be modeling rude behavior!

Now on to Eda and Serkan, I can't say enough about Hande and Kerem's acting in this episode. Phenomenal! They were both brilliant. Plus both are doing a great job working off of Maya (especially Kerem) those scenes were priceless. I don't often enjoy kids on shows, but so far I'm loving this dynamic.

As for Edser, while we don't know everything yet it feels like Serkan got to a point where he couldn't stand to see Eda in pain and putting her life on hold, he outright mentioned that she might not have graduated if they'd stayed together, and so that was part of the reason he reverted to his robot self and pushed her away. I'm going to guess she tried and tried and he was just unyielding. Saying he didn't want to get married or have kids in the harshest way possible. Perhaps even she went to tell him that she was pregnant and he went off on not wanting kids before she could even tell him. Time will tell.

At this juncture, my best guess is Eda's fear is rooted in rejection. It can't be that she thinks Serkan is a terrible person that doesn't deserve to know his child, or would be detrimental to Kiraz. However, she knows what it feels like to be rejected by Serkan, I'm sure she was beyond devastated, so I'm guessing now she's bent on protecting her daughter from feeling that same rejection. She fears if he found out, but wanted nothing to do with her, it would feel worse than him not knowing. She's not thinking clearly and perhaps it hasn't even occurred to her that the man she fell in love with is still under there and that man is fully capable of opening his heart wide to their child.

The fact that this child, a stranger to him, already has him wrapped around her little finger to the tune of being late to meetings while he waits for her to pick berries, speaks volumes.

The lies that Eda is telling Kiraz though... there is a fairy tale poetry to Eda saying her father is among the stars... but there was no way this would ever end well. Such a bad idea. Eda.... has made mistakes.

As for Eda and Serkan, their reunion was so bitter sweet. The way Serkan was sure he was hallucinating her and couldn't believe she was real, speaks to the fact that his thinking he saw her that morning was not an anomaly. It must happen all the time. She's never left his thoughts in 5 years. Especially since Engin makes it clear that women throw themselves at Serkan all the time, and he never bites. That's a lot of years celebrate, pining after a love he lost through his own actions. Though it's not that surprising that he didn't pursue other women, as he's never been a character who was motivated by sex. Which makes it hilarious that during his presentation that's where his mind was at, remembering their intimate times together. Serkan Bolat is an Edasexual.

Serkan seemed to want to brush past what happened between them, how they ended, but from Eda's pain, it's clear it was gut-wrenching and tragic and that's something he's going to need to recon with in the coming episodes. But how refreshing that they actually talked! That Eda actually expressed her pain to him! Wowza, that's a change from recent episodes when they didn't even have a proper conversation after he got his memory back.

The flashback scenes were a combination of pure brilliance and pain. Just rip out my heart why don't you. Serkan's angry reactions seem very believable for someone suffering what he was going through. I think it's typical to lash out at the person closest to you. And their fear and pain, their commitment to getting him better and seeing it through... those scenes were made all the more heartbreaking knowing that they didn't make it out the other side intact.

On a lighter note, I loved how even despite their intention and best efforts to remain closed off to one another, and away from one another, they couldn't. Physically, Serkan couldn't stay away, and every time Eda was in his presence you saw her resolve slip and her start to feel that old pull towards him. The fact that Eda thinks there's any way to keep this secret and get rid of him, she must just be in full panic mode and not thinking clearly. She's never going to shake him.

Thank goodness Serkan came back and actually issued a sincere apology for what he said at coffee. He definitely owed her one, but what was extraordinary is that it showed that the growth he went through when they were together didn't regress. He was able to apologize and explain that he was angry and hurt and that's why it happened. If you remember from the first time around, saying sorry was something he was just unable to do, so this felt big to me. He's not the same robot Bolat, she left an indelible mark on him.

As for him making her present her proposal, it's really not out-of-line for the professional relationship, however, we all know he did it just so he had an excuse to be around her. That man will take any excuse, plus he likes to get a rise out of her.

The dinner scene was breathtaking. How beautiful and achingly romantic was that setting? Wowza. And what a roller coaster of emotion those scenes were. It was great to watch them talk and laugh. Who didn't swoon when he deveined her shrimp and when she gave him fries? But we had to know it wouldn't last. Eda's speech had me breathless. Serkan had that coming, it hurt but it had to happen. What a relief to see them get things out in the open. Now I hope we get to see them really talk about what happened and why. Explain yourself Serkan!

As for the next episode, I was so hopeful that the Kiraz secret would be out after the final scene, but the first fragman makes it look like that's not going to happen, at least not at the start of the episode. My fear is that if Eda outright lies to him that just makes everything worse. The longer she keeps it from him, when they're back in each other's orbits and it's clear he's not running away, it makes her more and more at fault.

In any case, it looks like we're in for some fabulous scene so I look forward to the second episode!

#Sen Çal Kapımı #Sen Cal Kapimi #edser #sck discussion #edser discussion #sck episode discussion #sck 2x40 #edser meta #sckask #asklizac #anonymous

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quazartranslates · 3 years

Text

Welcome to the Nightmare Game II - CH12

**This is an edited machine translation. For more information, please [click here]**

[<<< Previous Chapter | Table of Contents | Next Chapter >>>]

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Chapter 12: Resurrection Overture (XII) {cw: brief suicide mention}

After this day's hellish diving training, Qi Leren, who was as heavy as lead, had no strength to climb aboard. He was floating on his back beneath the boat like a miserable little mermaid under the gaze of Chen Baiqi's disdain. Finally, Chen Baiqi dragged him back onto the boat.

On the way back, Qi Leren slept as if dead. When he was woken up by the coastal evening wind, Qi Leren suddenly sat up and the coat that had been covering him slipped down. It was Chen Baiqi’s.　

"What time is it?" Qi Leren asked in a hoarse voice. He remembered that it was about five o'clock when he’d come back, but after entering the border of Dusk where it was sunset all day, it was difficult to tell the time.　

"It's seven o'clock," Chen Baiqi said without looking back as she kneeled on the bow against the wind. "You can hurry home after you wake up, but don't expect me to carry you back."　

Qi Leren responded. After a short sleep, his spirit was much better and he could walk.　

The two people got off the boat together. Chen Baiqi put her hands in her pockets with a cigarette in her mouth and looked at the distant sunset with empty eyes, her expression unreadable.　

"Thank you," Qi Leren suddenly said.　

"Hmm?" Chen Baiqi was puzzled.　

When he first woke up, Qi Leren was slow to respond, but now he had recovered. How could it take two hours to sail from Undead Island to Sunset Island’s port? The ship had already landed, but Chen Baiqi hadn't woken him up after seeing that he was tired enough to sleep. She’d smoked on bow for two hours, waiting for him to wake up. In this world where time was life, she had expended two hours for a person who wasn’t even a formal disciple… No, it took far more time than two hours. This kindness was tantamount to a life-saving grace.　

"Nothing, just wanted to thank you." Qi Leren said sincerely, "For many things... I should thank you."　

The two of them having arrived at an intersection, Chen Baiqi was going back to her store to have dinner with her sister, and Qi Leren was going back to Dr. Lu where he was still spending the night.　

Chen Baiqi stopped and stamped out the cigarette butt: "It's no use thanking me. Come and show me your potential."　

"I’ll work hard."　

"I’ll watch it, too," Chen Baiqi said, then turned and left, waving goodbye at him over her back.　

Qi Leren stood in silence for a moment, looking at Chen Baiqi’s back. She really was a woman with many stories and many worries, but she refused to sell her own stories and was reluctant to share her past. She was tightly wrapped in secrets, and no one knew her age. Even the name Chen Baiqi didn’t seem to be her real name.　　

What had she done in the real world? What kind of experiences had she had in the Nightmare World? Why did she want to adopt a player's child and love her as a sister? How was her half-field broken? Qi Leren didn’t know any of this. His understanding of Chen Baiqi was limited to the words she had revealed—she had once worked in the Heresy Court of the Trials Court, was an assassin who mainly focused on intelligence and assassination, and had a summoning book that sealed many strange creatures, which were accumulated when she traveled in the Nightmare World.　　

He wondered if he could be as strong as Chen Baiqi once he had spent eight years in the Nightmare World. He should be able to, at least, as long as his luck didn’t stop him from reaching his eighth year. Qi Leren gave a wry smile in his heart, got rid of the idea, and set foot on his way home.　　

When he returned to Dr. Lu's clinic, Dr. Lu was treating a familiar young man and nagged, "Jumped from the third floor? I see you’re young, why do you want to die like this? Do you think you’re a superhero? Doesn’t it hurt to jump from the third floor in one breath? Sometimes people jump off buildings. If you can stop it, stop it. Otherwise, forget it. What kind of hero is that? Hey, you’re back? I'm starving for dinner right now."　　

The young man who was being treated by "Doctor’s Orders" also turned his head and leapt up from his chair in surprise: "Qianbei! Long time no see! How have you been recently? I thought about it, and the house should be returned to you. It was originally your house. I'll find another residence. I have a lot of time to live now!"　　

"It doesn't matter, I live here as well," Qi Leren said in a reserved way.　　

The last time when he signed the confidentiality agreement with Du Yue, he’d felt that he was very sorry for the other. How dare he take the house back?　　

Recently, he had had to buy an extra bed. Otherwise Dr. Lu, who was grudgingly made to sleep on the sofa, would have continued to look at him bitterly and even dare to be angry at this “evil guest” who had taken over his nest. 　　

Du Yue looked at Qi Leren, who refused to move back, as if he was wronged. He lowered his head like a big dog who had been reprimanded by his master. Dr. Lu looked at him pitifully and invited him to have dinner with them. Du Yue immediately perked up: "Good, good, I have no place to eat!"　　

So the meal became three people together. If Qi Leren's training ended early, he would come back to cook. If it ended late, Dr. Lu would do it. Dr. Lu's culinary skills were not bad. You could see it from how Du Yue ate three bowls in one go.　　

After dinner, Du Yue rushed to wash the dishes. Qi Leren and Dr. Lu had a brief exchange about today's events.　　

"Du Yue had come several times even before you came back. I'm telling you, he's a personal event trigger! Almost every time, it was a courageous injury. Walking on the road the day before yesterday, he witnessed a robbery. He went up and beat the robber who then stabbed him. Today, he met a pregnant woman who wanted to jump off a building. He saved her but fell off himself. Fortunately, only his arm was broken..." Dr. Lu gushed about Du Yue's glorious deeds, and he was very optimistic about this young man.　　

"Are you talking about me?" Du Yue came out of the kitchen after washing the dishes.　　

"Yes, talking about the series of accidents that you’ve encountered almost daily," Dr. Lu smiled.　　

Du Yue scratched his head and said with a silly smile: "It's okay… It’s not every day."　　

"Does it have to happen every day?" Qi Leren vomited a sentence.　　

"Is the pregnant woman you saved today okay?" Dr. Lu asked smoothly.　　

"Okay? Ah, Her friend persuaded her to go with her after a while and asked for my contact information, saying that she would like to thank me next time," Du Yue said.　　

"If you want an abortion, between the Village of Dusk’s medical facilities plus the monthly tasks, isn’t it only too easy?" Dr. Lu said.　　

"Yes, that's what I told them."　　

A young man who had just grown up and a young man who looked like he was underage talked seriously about the problem of pregnancy and childbirth. This picture was a bit funny. After listening for a while, Qi Leren suddenly remembered the laptop. He quickly got up and said, "You two take your time talking, I’m going to go for a walk."　　

After leaving Dr. Lu's clinic, Qi Leren followed the address that Chen Baiqi had given him before, and went to find the house of the tech savvy player who was still alive.　　

The place where the player lived wasn’t far from Dr. Lu's clinic. Qi Leren was still worried that he still hadn’t come back after leaving for his task. However, this time he was lucky. After ringing the doorbell, a mechanical voice that sounded like a young girl came from behind the door: "Master is busy. What can I do for you?"

"Hello, I was referred by Chen Baiqi. I need to make an electronic appliance please," Qi Leren said.　　

"Just a moment, please."

After a few minutes, the door opened and Qi Leren saw at a glance that the three foot tall robot on the ground looked like a moving trash can. It opened the shoe rack and found a pair of shoe covers for Qi Leren: "Please come with me."　　

It was indeed a high-tech house. Qi Leren sighed with emotion in his heart and followed the little robot all the way to the basement.　　

The basement was very big. After Qi Leren went in, he suddenly saw a screen on the wall facing him!　　

However, it wasn’t like the HD display screens common in the real world, it was like the oldest gray TV screens in an antique shop. There were constantly black and white pixels moving on this display screen, which was actually playing a simple shooting game like a computer in the 1980s!　　

As Qi Leren approached, the man who had his back to him as he watched the screen suddenly lost the game, one hand coming down on the table: "Shit, lost again!"　　

"Hello." Qi Leren made a noise.　　

The man's back froze and he turned slowly. He was a young man with glasses who looked a little dull: "...Oh, hello."　　

Qi Leren felt that he was more nervous than him. His voice was a little shaky and he stuttered a little, obviously the type that didn’t have contact with others often.　　

After Qi Leren stated his purpose, the techy suddenly got excited: "Did you bring your laptop into the game? Sell it to me, I’ll pay a high price!"　　

Qi Leren suddenly broke out in a cold sweat, not to mention that the laptop was still in Schrodinger's state, appearing and disappearing irregularly. Even if the laptop was in his item bar now, he couldn't give it to others. But if he refused this person's request, would he still help him make the charger or transformer? He had to find a suitable reason...　　

Qi Leren secretly gritted his teeth and made a decision.　　

"No, there’s very important information on it. I can't give it to anyone," Qi Leren resolutely said.　　

"I can print the information for you!" the techy said enthusiastically, without stuttering.　　

"This... is not that kind of information." Qi Leren looked embarrassed and his eyes wandered. "It's the kind of... hundreds of G, you know..."　　

The techy’s eyes grew brighter: "Dude! I haven't seen a movie in such a long time! Sell it to me! Lend it to me without selling it!"　　

Qi Leren coughed twice: "To tell you the truth, all I watched were pure men's shootouts..."　　

The techy was stunned for a moment, then resolutely insisted: "It's okay, anti-Japanese drama, gun battle film, American blockbuster, I watched all of these."　　

Qi Leren covered his forehead: "I'm talking about GV, GayVideo, a film made by a group of men, understand!"　　

"................I understand."　　

In order to keep the laptop far away, Qi Leren, who did not hesitate to destroy his image, showed a kind smile: "Do you want to see it? I have quite a few varieties there, from gangbang to S/M to people and animals-"　　

"No, I, I, I, I, I still like girls."　　

"Oh, that's a pity," Qi Leren said regretfully.　　

After he dispelled the techy’s idea of buying the laptop off him, Qi Leren quickly finalized this order with him: to make a mobile power supply that could be externally connected to a laptop, which was equivalent to a large charging battery—"When I go to a copy task without electricity, I also want to watch these films to reduce stress." Quote by a serious Qi Leren.　　

"By the way, make another transformer, because the voltage in the Village of Dusk is different from that in the real world—of course, you should watch movies to relax when you’re in the Village of Dusk." Quote by a still serious Qi Leren.　　

The techy wanted to warn him that "a little joy hurts his body". In particular, he looked at Qi Leren walking a little bit. He looked like he was worn out and exhausted. He was finally defeated by Qi Leren’s kind smile and closed his mouth silently.　　

Out of the techy’s house, Qi Leren gave a long sigh. Today, he once again made himself into a gay man with strange taste. He was still a wretched gay man who watched hardcore porn every day. It seemed that the path to building an upright image only grew longer.

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Editor’s Notes: Happy first day of pride month, everyone! 🌈

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#Welcome to the Nightmare Game #欢迎来到噩梦游戏 #danmei

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bibbykins · 5 years

Text

Thrills Found On Solid Ground (M)

A/N: I snagged a work at home job! (yay!) Less hours though, which is bittersweet. I will be a little strapped for cash, so I will link my ko-fi below and anything helps, really. I am considering opening up comisions, if anyone would like that, let me know! Less hours means way more time to write so color me a happy camper. As way to celebrate positive changes, and in honor of me putting in my two weeks at my current job, enjoy the next installment in the Soft Yandere BTS fics! Let me know how you feel about it, and I hope you enjoy.

Genre: Fluff, smut, angst if you squint a bit

Word Count: 9.4k

Pairing: Soft Yandere! Namjoon x Reader

Warnings: yandere tendencies, toxic traits, obsessive and posessive male, subtly unhealthy relationship, vaginal sex, cunnilingus

Summary: You had always been an idiot, you mistook this as being a risk-taker, a wild adrenaline junkie. As a result, you found yourself on some dating app, then on a bad date, then on a skywalk 1,000 ft above ground. Looking down, you felt impending doom, clutching to anything, or anyone, you could. You couldn’t have known the stanger you clutched onto, in the middle of two skyscrapers, too high above solid ground, had no plans to let you go.

The sky was clear, the wind combed through your scalp gently, and you watched the world below go about their daily routine. It was a cool day with an overcast, especially for summer, and you would have much rather stayed inside to witness it.

The sky was an ocean to drown in, the air was unbelievably thin, and the people below just looked like little ants to squash with your body hurling to the concrete.

What the fuck were you doing up here?!

You never take risks like this. The harness was choking you out and all you wanted to do was lay down in bed, but here you were: 2,000 ft above your comfort zone and shaking in the middle of log suspended in the sky, the next step looking farther and farther.

It was a dumb idea to put adrenaline junkie in you online dating profile. It was even dumber of you to try and live up to it.

Namjoon, on the other hand, was making his merry way along the gapped bridge. He was in black slacks and a gray button-up, feeling a bit silly with the harnas as well as he walked along in his Oxfords. It was the perks of being a PR head, enjoying the more wild attractions sponsored by the company he was executive for. However, this time, he was to see if this was worthwhile to put the company's name on. Ever the stickler, he only ever trusted his opinion on the matter and not a subordinate's.

He hopped along each log with a small smile, dimples prominent. Yes, he was enjoying himself, but he did feel quite ludicrous in his work clothes hopping along the city skyline. He was still having a good experience, it was serene yet daring, he could see the prospective hype. He felt almost like-

“I'm gonna die!” Namjoon jumped at the pure panic less than five feet behind him, causing him to turn around and bear witness to the scene you hadn't intended to make.

There you were, lip quivering, knees shaking, body quaking entirely as your hands searched desperately for something to hold you steady, “I'm the biggest fucking idiot!” You wailed as staff members began to strap themselves in to retrieve you. However, when the bridge shook with one of their jumps onto the bridged, you begged them to stop, the tears pouring from your face in a way Namjoon had never seen, or bothered to look at before.

It was a pitiful sight, really. You were a pretty girl, and judging by your presentation, only did this as a way to boost confidence. In his study of you, Namjoon hadn't noticed the way you hopped onto his log the moment he was about to turn around. You grasped his hand and he could feel the gravity of your fear.

“Hey, hey.” Your eyes were screwed shut on the log as you held this strangers hand, his voice trying to bring you back to reality, “You… alright?” You shook your head.

For the first time in his life, Namjoon had no knowledge of what to do. A girl was shaking violently and looking to him, of all people, to soothe her. At work, most people avoided his eyes in fear of being reprimanded. He was domineering and had a demanding presence, but here you were, demanding some comfort from him.

“I'm stupid.” You mumbled as you pushed your head into his chest, making a blush of shock and embarrassment bloom on his cheeks. He wasn’t used to such skinship, let alone from a woman. This was more intimate than his run-of-the-mill tussle in the sheets with one-night stands. He should be shoving you away, but you were so, so, soft. “This is why I never leave my house.”

There was something endearing about the odd scenario that Namjoon fought down. He had been through such a song and dance. He's been the love at first sight guy and it never went well. He was not a boy anymore, he was a businessman, one of the most intimidating executives, and yet, you clung to him like a ledge keeping you upright.

Namjoon didn't know what else to do but comfort you as he embraced you shaking form in his arms, “I doubt it,” He spoke softly, “What's your name?” He didn't know what he was doing, but this felt right enough.

“Y/n, you?” You jumped when you felt the bridge move, squeezing the stranger before you a little harder, making yourself cringe at how unsightly you were being, sighing out in a labored cry, “I’m so annoying.” You whimpered.

In reality, Namjoon should let the workers come retrieve you. The logical part of him knew this much. This was more than likely not an uncommon occurrence and they were trained to do this sort of rescue mission. Even so, he wasn't ready to relinquish his rights as safe haven to someone who carelessly shook the bridge and you to the very core.

Namjoon glared to the worker, gesturing to the sign that demanded only two people on the bridge at a time, to which the worker retracted, “Namjoon.” He felt a wave of inexplicable panic crash through him when he felt your grip loosen from his shirt, “Are you ready to walk-”

You shook your head, “I'm an idiot for even getting up here.” Evidently, you couldn't think straight.

“You certainly don't seem like an idiot.” His deep voice soothed your racing thoughts, “Maybe a little naive but-”

“Tell me about it.” You breathed a shaky laugh, “Would you believe me if I told you I was on a date?”

His jaw tightened. Who in their right mind would consider this a good date idea for a recluse? He scanned the area only to see an irritated guy shaking his head before proceeding to the exit. Good. He would only get in the way.

“First one too, so I don't see a second one happening.” You chuckled a bit, enjoying the feeling of the mystery man rubbing your back, “Considering I look more like yours.”

Mine. Mine. Mine. It didn't have a bad ring to it. Maybe the isolation kept his sanity at bay as the smell of your hair grew more and more intoxicating.

“And especially since you've found a new date during it.” You could hear the smirk in his voice and the flirting distracted you from the way he picked you up ever so slightly and took a step towards the next log. His legs were long enough to walk over the gap of sky you so feared.

“What a terrible date you're on then.” You giggled a bit, eyes simply closed as opposed to slammed shut.

“I beg to differ.” He took another step as you were none the wiser, “I've known you for less than an hour and I'm already thinking of where our next one will be.” Now the only thing keeping your eyes closed was the embarrassment of the effect his deep voice had on you.

“H-Hopefully not stranded in the middle of two skyscrapers.” You offered a chuckle as Namjoon made it across to the last step.

“Who's stranded?” His smug voice prompted you to look down only to see concrete. Sweet, sweet concrete.

The shriek of joy you let out when you noticed the stable ground under you was reward enough for Namjoon. When you wrapped your arms around his neck to engulf him in your form, it was bliss, “You're a magician!” You gushed, “I didn't even notice! I barely even felt it! I can't believe I'm alive!” Never in his life had Namjoon seen someone so expressive and fearlessly full of emotion. You went as far as kissing his check, “My fucking hero right here!” You squealed.

Namjoon's body almost seized when he felt your soft lips on his face. You were indeed naive, however, he quite enjoyed what it meant for him. The feeling of your body against his and lips on his face was addicting. He didn't want to let you go. Ever. You were a feeling he had been chasing for what feels like years and he didn't even know it. You were a missing chunk to a fulfilling life he thought he had. He could not let you walk to ground level without a promise to see you again, and again, and again, and-

“Holy moly!” Your gasp snapped Namjoon back to the present. Your eyes were wide as you scanned his face, “You're so pretty!” Your hands cupped his face, “You're like straight out of a romance novel.” You mused mindlessly, you evidently had no filter or sense of personal space. He wondered if you grew up deprived of personal touch or with it all along. Namjoon lost himself in the wonder you held in your eyes. You had a certain innocence that he couldn't quite understand, so trusting. It was in his starlorn gaze that you shook yourself back to reality, “Oh my, I am making a terrible first impression.” You murmured, hands beginning to robotically retract only to have Namjoon hold them in place, “Just touching on you like that, so creepy.” You scolded yourself.

“I beg to differ.” He mused and you realized how well his voice fit his adonis-like face. His smile was warm, making you forget the chill of being up so high. His thumb stroked the back of your hand, “You're hands are… soft.” It was a warm smile with two of the cutest dimples you've seen to accompany it.

“I'm a sculptor-artist-uh-person.” You fumbled through the sentence, not wanting to seem like you're bragging or assigning a title to yourself, “Hence the touching, your facial proportions are really pleasing to the eye and-”

“So are yours.” The giggle that left your mouth was embarrassing to say the least. Never had you been this blatantly flirted with. Never had you liked flirting this much.

“You’re trying to make me swoon right off this roof, huh?” You smiled as you wiped the dried tears around your eyes, trying to salvage whatever makeup was left.

“If there’s anything I've proven today,” He leaned down to look you in the eyes, “It’s that the only way I’m letting you fall,” He brought his mouth to your ear and you shivered, “is if it’s for me.”

“You’re silly.” You broke out into a contagious smile.

----

“And just like that, he enchanted me.” You sighed willfully, “He’s really such a prince.” You mused, eyes closing to envision him, “We've been kinda seeing each other for a little over three months, and it’s been great, so I’m trying to surprise him today with a cute coffee break at work, but I’ve never seen him in action in the serious business world, so I’m nervous.”

The barista at the counter gave you an uneasy smile, “That’s nice, ma’am, so uh… would that be with cream and sugar?”

Your eyes snapped open, “Sorry, right, coffee,” You smacked your cheeks lightly.

“You’re holding up the line!” A man groaned behind you as the other two people behind him avoided eye contact.

“Like yelling at me is gonna make me go faster!” You retorted before turning to the barista, “Yes, please, sorry.” You smiled and he returned it before handing you your tray with two coffee cups and a scone accompanied by a chocolate croissant, “Thank you!” You called as you walked out of the shop, throwing a glare to the man, “Have a great day.” You quipped to him before making your way into the main floor of the skyscraper.

The secretary seemed to assume you were Namjoon’s assistant and informed you that he was on floor 27 and in meeting room 2. You didn’t bother to correct her, instead, you sent her a bright smile as you made your plight to the 27th floor. Your stomach was churning and you couldn’t tell if it was because of the climb or the impromptu date you were trying to have. What if he was embarrassed by you? He was evidently out of your league, even if he never made you feel like that was the case. He was the most gentle and kind man you had ever encountered, but he did say he was different at work. Would he not want you here? Were you being too clingy? He did say he missed you this morning, but he also could have been just saying that. It had only been a couple weeks since you have been dating and he hadn't even kissed your lips yet. Maybe he saw you as more of a friend instead of what you wanted. Maybe you should just go home.

The ding of the elevator told you it was too late to turn back now.

You put on a brave face as you turned a couple of corners to find meeting room 2. You opted to wait until the meeting was over prior to going on. At least that was the plan, until the door swung open to hit your head reveal a string of stiff men and women all leading up to a very straight-faced Namjoon. The man who opened the door seemed to be sweating with a fearful look in his eyes as you rubbed your head.

“Ow, sorry.” You murmured, “Definitely my fault for standing so close-”

“Hwang, what is the matter now…” Namjoon's stern voice quickly trailed off as he met your eyes. The hardness in his eyes immediately softened, only to harshen when he noticed one hand rubbing your head and a look of pain crossing your face, “Meeting is adjourned, we will continue after lunch.” Namjoon spoke up to the bewildered room as he strode to your side, replacing your hand with his as he swiftly took the carrier from your other hand, “Maybe then you will have something worthy of my time to show me.” He quipped as he walked you wordlessly to his office. You took note of the shiver that ran down each of the employee's spines, none of them even taking note of your experience with their heads down in shame or fear, or both.

Namjoon's office was spacious to say the least, most likely half of your apartment. He was so silent you had wondered if you made him angry too. However, as soon as the door shut, he placed the tray on a coffee table and pulled you into a hug, placing a kiss on your head, “Joonie-”

“Are you alright?” He mumbled on the small bump you were developing. You were bewildered at the sudden affection. It was a definite switch from the scary businessman you encountered earlier, “Sweet pea?”

You snapped out of your thoughts with a small jolt, “Yeah, it's just a little dink.” You smiled softly against his chest, “Nothing to fret over.” You sighed softly in his embrace as a smirk grew on your face, “Sweet pea, huh?”

His chest vibrated with a small chuckle as he loosened his grip to look at you properly. His hands cradled your face as he stared at you with a genuine smile, the one you knew and loved, “Sweet pea indeed.” He hummed, “I find it suits you well.” You felt your face heat at this and your face told Namjoon the situation on its own as his smile grew more smug, “So, what has you gifting me with your presence today?”

Namjoon was always happy to see you. Admittedly, too happy. He felt himself falling into a certain love for you that he found to be timed way too soon. He felt his emotions begin to scare him, and he felt a strong need to fire the idiot that hit you with the door. However, when you were with him, everything was okay, just like you said it was. You were the master to his emotions and it terrified him.

“I wanted to surprise you with a small coffee date.” You chirped, “Surprise?” You presented the coffee on the table with a small smile.

Namjoon sat the both of you down on the white leather couch he had in his office, “Thank you.” He was the first to break the silence and you returned it with a quaint smile, “However, I can't help but feel like you're muting yourself.”

You were stiff as a board when he said that. Initially, it was a surprise date, but the elevator ride gave you time to doubt everything. Ideally, you wanted to get clarification on what Namjoon wanted from you, but the words were like a lump of clay in the back of your throat. If you said one, they would all come out.

“Well, it's stupid, really.” You nervously let out a small chuckle, “Childish, possibly?” Your eyes were transfixed on the leather below you.

His hand went to grip your chin and pull your eyes back go him. Your gaze was a drug, “Give me your thoughts, sweet pea.”

You shivered as you looked into his eyes, “I just want to know if… you like me, like I like you.” You forced out, only to try to turn your head away in vain due to his grip, “Oh, I feel silly.” You struggled for a moment, only to huff, "What do you think about me?"

Namjoon fought the urge to clench his jaw. The truthful answer to your question wasn't healthy. He needed more time to work through his intense emotions for you prior to acting on them. He wanted nothing more than to kiss you roughly, pin you to this couch, and have you feel what he thought about after each of your dates. However, he should not, by any means, feel the need to do such. And yet, he did. The way you made him feel so needed and the way he craved you so intensely in return was intoxicating.

He, instead, gave you a polite smile as he took a sip of his coffee, "I think you're adorable." Not technically a lie, but not the full truth you wanted.

Namjoon looked down at the scone, missing your dejected face. What the hell did that mean? Did he not see you as a woman? Were you just his cute friend? Had you been that childish, pining after a man who did not feel the same? You quickly shook the thoughts when Namjoon looked at you and you returned the smile. He noticed how it wasn't nearly as bright as usual and your eyes didn't hold its usual sparkle. Had he done something wrong?

The date, you were less and less sure whether or not to even call it such, went on just as all your others had.

"So how is your exhibition coming along?" He asked as he sipped the coffee.

You smiled and melted at the dimples that came when he returned it, "It's a process," You droned, "Being an artist is all fun and games until you have to pick which snack table won't clash with your work, and don’t even get me started about the business-y things, so boring." You rolled your eyes, "I know what I’m doing, and I know I’m good at it but I almost wish I had a manager, but isolation has become a part of my aesthetic at this rate."

"Well, you always have me," Your heart tugged, "I could help you, always, even just picking a snack table."

You shook your head politely, "I wouldn't wish that on you, Joon." You joked, "You'd think doing the art would be the hardest part of an exhibit, but the stuffy details are agonizing." You droned on, you always felt so comfortable with Namjoon, even if his unofficial rejection weighed in the back of your mind, "Like, who cares about the champagne or dress code, just buy or enjoy my art." You huffed, "I understand I'm lucky to have a career, but sometimes my passion can feel like such a...job." You sighed, "I sound like a spoiled brat."

Namjoon placed his hand on your head delicately, "As someone around stuffy people, and a stuffy person, I understand it's exhausting." He gave you a reassuring smile, "You're not a brat, you're an artist." He placed a hand on your knee, "You put so much whimsy into the world and deserve to experience that in return."

You giggled at this, "Thank you, but you're not stuffy, Joon," You hesitated for a moment, "Heck, you're the coolest guy I know." You offered in favor of your thoughts swarming around. The pain getting harder and harder to ignore.

You made Namjoon laugh, he made you laugh. You both talked about work, but you chose not to comment on his work persona, less and less confident about what to even say anymore. You said goodbye to Namjoon with a small hug, as you always did, and left wordlessly.

Namjoon couldn't help but have a bad feeling as he watched you step into the elevator. Your lip quivered right before the doors shut. Something happened during your date, and for the first time, he had no idea. He surely had to be blinded by his own feelings for you to properly read you. Suppressing these feelings were evidently affecting him, but it was what he had to do to play the long game.

You began to cry when the elevator doors closed, eyes screwed shut as your shoulders shook with your sobs. Namjoon showed you that you wanted a relationship, and yet, it didn't seem like he wanted one, let alone with you.

"H-Hey, don't cry," A hesitant voice caused you to jump, face detaching from your hands as you turned to face the man from this morning.

"You're that...meanie." You sniffled, evidently confused.

He smiled awkwardly, "I'm sorry I was such a prick earlier." He looked uneasy, hand scratching the back of his neck.

You sniffled again, "No, it's not you, I just…" You choked on a sob.

"I doubted it was, but I also doubt I made your day any easier." He spoke softly, "I was visiting my sister at work and she's a nightmare, so I was just taking it out on other people."

"Nobody's perfect." You smiled a bit, before it quickly fell, "Especially me." You whined before sobbing again.

Your sobs were cut off when the man put a hand on your shoulder, "Bad breakup?" You shrugged and he sighed sympathetically, "I know this cry, I do have a sister, ya know?" You lifted your head a bit and his hands wiped the tears that nearly dried on your cheeks, "I can just tell you're a good person." He smiled a bit and you mirrored it, "Any other person would have smacked me sideways earlier, I would've." You breathed a small chuckle that only grew when he grabbed your wrist to make your hand hit his face, "Here, ow." He only ceased when the elevator doors opened to a busy lobby, eyes all on him.

You broke out into full laughter as you both stepped out of the elevator, "Sorry." You giggled to the people in the lobby.

"Nothing to see here." He smiled awkwardly as you both made a bee-line for the exit. When you breached the building you let out a hearty laugh.

"You're funny." You couldn't suppress your laughter.

"Yes, but I'm also Seunghyun, actually." He bowed dramatically.

Your laughter finally died down into a smile, "I'm y/n." You curtsied in response with a chuckle, "Thanks for making me forget about my morning."

"Why don't I give you a better afternoon?" He offered slyly and you paused for a moment. You were more than ready to say no. You had Namjoon after all, right? "I can take you to a nice lunch place and you can take as long as you want to order, I promise." You looked back at the skyscraper. Namjoon was always above you, wasn't he? "I may even pay."

You smiled graciously at Seunghyun, "Of course you will, you owe me." You playfully said, skipping ahead of the stuttering man.

Namjoon sat at his desk, back facing the window where his worst nightmare would be in clear view. Instead, he scrolled lovingly through the texts you both shared. He carefully thought about how to bring up dinner for tonight. Despite not even asking yet, he had already fantasized about what you would wear. Maybe tonight would be the night he would get a kiss from your lips. He sent the text in the midst of his fantasies. Would you wear lipstick-

You said no.

You rejected him.

You said you had a date.

Namjoon stood promptly to avoid crushing his phone with his bare hands. Never in his life had a woman rejected him, and when the one he craved so desperately did, he did not react gracefully. Not that anything he had done upon meeting you had been graceful. Even so, they were merely fail-safes, and he had failed.

He sprung into action immediately, opening his personal laptop to scroll through the contents of your phone. His company owning your phone provider did wonders for your accessibility levels. Even so, you hadn't received any texts. There had been no one else added to your contacts. How did you have a date? Did you lie to him?

Why would you be with someone else? What did he do? He groaned in frustration he didn't understand your more zany emotions.

He lifted his head up in realization. That's it! He needed to understand your emotions. You were one of a kind, but he was as much of a disaster as Yoongi, and Yoongi has a girlfriend.

Namjoon quickly dialed Yoongi's number. The older male answered with a bored, "What?"

"I need to talk to your girlfriend." Namjoon spoke with urgency evident in his voice, time was running out.

"No-"

"Min Yoongi!" The aforementioned female's voice could be heard in the background.

"Sunshine, he doesn't need to hear your voice- hey!"

There was an evident scuffle, "I'll put him on speaker, you big baby." She quipped before taking a breath, "How can I be of assistance?"

Namjoon sighed out, unsure of where to begin, "I have this girl I really, really like, but I know I shouldn't like her this much, so I'm trying to take it slow." He frowned, "But today, I don't know what I said wrong, and now she has a date with someone else."

There was a long sigh, "You guys are terrible with being honest." Namjoon could tell she was glaring at Yoongi, "You evidently said something dumb, did she ask you anything?"

Ask him anything? You asked him about his day. You asked him if he liked the coffee. What else is there to ask? Until it dawned on him.

"She asked what I thought about her and I said she was adorable." Namjoon explained, "I don't see what's wrong there, she is-"

"Yoongs, hold the phone, I might just smash it." The female was rolling her eyes evidently.

"What's wrong, Sunshine?" Yoongi spoke, "I don't get it, he complimented her."

"Ugh, of course you don't." She retorted, "Why did you think I almost went out the night we...got together? You weren't," She put her mouth close to the speaker to prove a point making Namjoon miss when she was still timid around him with the frown he deepened, "Being honest with me." She accentuated each word, "Poor girl can't read your mind, she doesn't want to waste her time pining after someone who doesn't pine back properly." The female sighed again, "Seriously, the seven of you are nuts, I know, but come on," She groaned in frustration, "You all have the looks and the status, maybe use your brain while you're at it."

Namjoon slumped in his chair. Yoongi's girlfriend had a point. Namjoon should have made it painfully clear you were his. Not just to you, but everyone else. Maybe he was crazy, but that didn't change the validity of his emotions for you. You were all he could think about anymore. He just wanted to have unrestricted access to you, but he took it slow, and now he's falling behind. You were trying to leave him. He couldn't let it happen.

He wouldn't.

This was a bad idea. You slumped against your seat as you twirled your straw. You were unamused and Seunghyun was becoming less and less funny and even less charming as time ticked by.

This date was going terribly. Seunghyun was undoubtedly obnoxious. You were agonizingly bored as you sat in the dimly lit restaurant which you were ill-dressed for. It was far too fancy for lunch, and you could not read the french on the menu, so you ordered a sandwich and a water. You watched Seunghyun with a tired face. He really thought you took long to order this morning? It had been 10 minutes of him asking about the wine menu. Namjoon always knew-

No, no, none of that. Seunghyun was a nice guy, everyone had their quirks.

You gave the waiter a sympathetic smile as he stalked off, "So," You drawled, catching Seunghyun's attention from his phone, "What do you do for a living?"

"I am a pharmaceutical rep." He stated, all too proudly, "I go to medical offices and get the doctors to prescribe the meds I'm in charge of, making a pretty hefty commission over some phony drops with a fancy label." Your jaw clenched at this. You had your time as a receptionist. Some were nice but most of the reps were pushy assholes with name brand and expensive meds.

Be nice. You chided yourself, "Shouldn't doctors prescribe what is best, not what is sold to them?" So much for that. You really didn't know how to shut your mouth, "Pharmaceuticals are a very controversial field." You pondered aloud.

Seunghyun seemed to pay you minimal mind, eyes already geared to his phone, he wasn't listening, "And what do you do?" He was on autopilot.

"I'm an artist." You spoke politely, “I do mixed media, but my favorite thing is to sculpt with clay.”

This made his head snap up, "Oh, and here I was going to see if you want to split the check, but I guess not." He laughed a little too hard and you blanched.

Okay, he's an asshole.

No, maybe you're misunderstanding.

"Why not?" You offered him a shovel to dig his way out through clenched teeth.

"Well, you know," He suddenly was a lot less cute, "You're an 'artist'," You wanted to bite the finger quotes off his hands, "Unless you, ya know, dance, then maybe you can pay for the meal." He dug himself deeper, and yet you felt stuck.

Nope, definitely an asshole.

You ate in silence, and you wondered how such a crappy sandwich could cost so much. Namjoon always took you to a variety of places with great food.

Namjoon. You missed him. You missed his soft touches and kisses on the forehead. You missed the way he made your heart flutter. You missed how he spoke to you, how he would profusely apologize if he had to take a phone call. You missed the way he was as equally interested in what you had to say as you were with him.

You felt dejected at the very thought of his name. God, you really were naive to think someone like him would just come to you. You needed to confess properly and move on if he rejects you. You would move on, but, your eyes flicked to Seunghyun as you watched him stare at his phone as he ate, you would be more mindful of who. This date was a waste of time and money on both parts.

When the check came, Seunghyun paid it in the most obnoxious way as he joked with the very uncomfortable waiter. Before leaving, you took out cash for a good tip, doubting Seunghyun had the decency to leave one.

Namjoon drove to your house and used your spare key to get in. He was not thinking as clearly as he should as he set up candles and dinner for you. You were his, though. He had to make it up to you for not proving it sooner. He could only hope you would be back from this date soon. He was beginning to get antsy, not even entertaining the thought of you not coming home. Never in his life had Namjoon felt such a sense of urgency.

After setting up the dining room, Namjoon sat in the living room, facing the door on your frilly sofa. He had been to your place several times. It was nice, and coincidentally, one of the complexes he bought when he was into property acquisition. However, he could hardly wait for your lease to end and you could live with him. Surely you would want to? His place had more space for your art and it was a more convenient area. He could give you the world if you just gave him another chance.

Namjoon jerked when he heard a key unlocking the door. All he could do now was hope you were alone. He had no idea what he would do to any man you brought home.

You closed the door with a defeated thud as you leaned your head against the door, back to the rest of the apartment. You heaved a sigh before removing your shoes. You shook your head at today's events. You should've just stayed home.

You rolled your shoulders back before turning to put your purse away… only to scream upon seeing a male figure on the couch, "What-I… Joon?" You cocked your head as he stood, making his way to you, "What are you doing here?!"

He gave you a small smile, walking closer to you, "Apologizing." He stopped a hair short of being pressed against you as he towered over your form.

"F-For scaring the shit out of me?" You gasped when he ran his nose along your neck, inhaling your scent, thankful to find no one else's, "Joon, what has gotten into you?" You spoke shakily as you took a step back only for his strong arms to wrap around your waist, pressing you against him.

"I don't just think you're adorable." He breathed as you shuddered at his voice in your ear, "I'm so absolutely smitten, I was too cowardly to say anything." Your eyes would've shot open had his lips not fanned over your neck, making them close in bliss, "But I can't stand by and watch someone else try to take you from me." His voice came out as a growl and you felt yourself tingle at his sudden dominance.

"Take me away?" Realization dawned on you as you recalled your last message to him, "The date was a mistake." You blurted out and Namjoon pulled away from you ever so slightly, "He was super boring, annoying, patronizing, but what mattered most to me," Your hands locked behind his neck, "He wasn't you." You mused, and Namjoon leant down to catch your lips between his own without missing a beat.

You immediately responded mirroring his desperation as you clung closer to him. The kiss was soft at first as he massaged your lips with his plump ones. You gasped when he nibbled on your lower lip, giving his tongue one of the openings he craved to feel. His tongue entered your mouth with a delighted groan on his end that made your knees week.

Namjoon was high on the feeling of your mouth as he explored every crevice. He groaned upon stroking your tastebuds, his own picking up how sweet you felt for him. You moaned out when he sucked on your tongue and you felt his teeth graze the pink muscle as he let out a short grunt.

Never in your life had you been kissed like this. He was soft yet rough and you craved him. You took the initiative to take his tongue into your mouth and return the favor, suckling on the muscle only to have his hands grip your hips harder while he grunted. You understood why he did it to you first, it felt good. It was oddly erotic, and the feeling only furthered as your lips were against his. The hand gripping your hip squeezed and you let out a small groan, the anticipation between your legs only growing as you felt you knees buckle, thighs clenching.

Your sounds were putting him in a nearly hypnotized state as his hand went to stroke your thigh and you shuddered with anticipation. He let his fingertips drag across the skin while both of your mouths melded to one another. You whined when his hand teasingly dipped towards your core only to quickly move to the back of your thigh.

Namjoon couldn't help the smile that grew on his mouth at your brattiness. You wanted him. You wanted him so bad. He was the center of your desires and the feeling was the only aphrodisiac he needed. He held the key to everything you want. He was in control.

"Joon, I want you." You breathed, air dripping with lust.

"Whatever you want, baby," He dipped his tongue into your mouth for just a moment, "Just say the word, and I'll give it to you." One of your hands trailed down his toned body as your eyes were hooded, head clouded with lust.

You glanced up at him just as you hand made contact with his prominent bulge through his undoubtedly Armani suit pants. You watched, tongue peeking out of your mouth, as his head lolled back a rumble in his chest as he grunted when you squeezed the outline of his base, "Give it to me," You gave another squeeze, reveling in his deep moan, "Please." You nearly moaned the magic word before breaking from his hold to prance ahead of him to the bedroom.

Namjoon couldn't suppress the laugh that left him as he watched your ass while you plopped on the bed. With an extra pep in his step, he followed you to the bed, loosening his tie as he made his way to you.

He was in control, but you knew just how to bend him to your will.

The gravity of the situation hit you like a train as Namjoon unbuttoned his blazer, eye contact unwavering as he tossed it on the couch. The white dress shirt outlined his sculpted body ever so slightly and you let out a shaky breath, letting you head hit the bed as you leaned back, panties mindlessly showing from beneath your sundress.

This wasn't a fantasy or a dream, it was your life. This man was about to fuck you into oblivion and you had no idea how to make him feel good. Your previous experience did not prepare you for this at all. Your previous lovers had all been both ugly inside and out idiots who could barely get themselves off, let alone you. Not that you were a sex god yourself. You never sucked their dick before, nor did you have any idea how to effectively. Not that they ever went down on you. Oh shit, did you shave? Does he care? How does your breath smell? How could you not have considered-

"Fuck!" Your back arched as Namjoon pulled your underwear to the side, tongue licking a stripe up you bare slit.

Namjoon hummed in delight of your taste, dark eyes making contact with yours. He was warning you. He was telling you not to wander away from him. While he loved your overactive mind, he required your full attention. He needed you 100% with him in this moment, "You taste divine." His voice was heavy, "More." It was almost primal the way he slipped your panties down your legs, enjoying the way the dainty dress looked framing the bare sex. He elected to keep the dress on for now as he pushed the flowy fabric up to your hips which he leaned into your pussy.

Your eyes rolled back at the sensation of his tongue licking a deeper stripe, parting your lips with the muscle as he gather your juices on his taste buds blissfully. Your body shuddered at your own pleasure, "J-Joon." Was all you could manage as each short lick went deeper making you squirm.

"You're so fucking sensitive, fuck." He grunted, the dress fabric he held at your hips wrinkling under his closed fists as he went to work on your clit, sending your over the edge as you came quickly and with minimal effort on Namjoon's part.

However, instead of stopping him, the flow of juices only further spurred his as his mouth went to pay more attention to the very hold he couldn't wait to have for his out as his tongue lapped up the liquid, the lewdness and oversensitivity making your body jerk in vain. Namjoon had your hips held firmly in place as he enjoyed his meal. His tongue entered you and he let out a moan against you at how tight you felt just from his tongue fucking you.

"Too much- it- I came already- shit!" You attempted to roll your hips against his mouth as he overstimulated the brain function out of you. His tongue fucked you better than anyone in your past had as his nose nudged against your clit. When he pushed his tongue as deep as he could he could feel you squeezing. With this encouragement, he began to move his tongue ever so slightly, sending you over the edge again as your back rose from the bed, chest to the heavens, "Joon!" You moaned wantonly before deflating as Namjoon slowly withdrew his mouth from you, "Fuck me." You were breathless, fingers weak as he watched you attempt to unbutton your dress. He hesitated, but nevertheless assisted you as your dress was now spread, your body nearly bare until you unhooked your bra, "You'll give me what I want, right?" You pouted as you gossed the bra off your body and he felt his mouth water as he soaked in your body.

"I'll always give you what you want, my love, but you should rest a bit-"

"But I don't just want it." You struggled to catch you breath in the lusty atmosphere, "I need you, Sir."

Never in Namjoon's life had he stripped himself bare so quickly. Your words sent him into a frenzy until he was just as bare as you. You outstretched your arms and he leaned down so you could run your hands over his toned chest and stomach. He guided in and he hissed as your nails scratched his muscular body at the stretch. Despite this, you were nearly drooling at the pain, Never had being stretched felt good, but you couldn't get enough. You wanted to be full.

You shifted your body down and both you and Namjoon moaned out in harmony as you were now wrapped around his entire length. He cursed, "Fuck you're so tight for me, sweet pea." His moans were low as he moved ever so slowly, shallow thrusts as you went wild beneath him, "Look at you, squirming, stretching, such a brat." He thrusted hard and you squeaked, "You can never have enough, huh?"

Another hard thrust shook your bed as Namjoon leaned over you, his forearms on either side of your head as your arms clawed at his muscular back, "Never enough of you, Sir." You could hardly consider your words, but they struck Namjoon as he caught your mouth in sloppy kiss as he sped up. You made him alive as the pleasure only added to the high. The ruthless pace shook the bed even harder, much to your delight.

"I love you, baby." He was beyond fucked out as he chased his climax inside of you.

You were even more fucked out as you felt another orgasm approaching, and quicky, "Fuck, fuck, I love you Joon, I-" You cut yourself off with a scream as you clenched around Namjoon's girth.

This, along with your confession, sent him over the edge as he came, deep thrusts slowing down as he painted you from the inside with warmth you enjoyed. He slowly slid out of you and groaned lowly at the suction you provided until he was fully detached from you. He let out a heavy breath as he leaned over your form, placing a kiss on your neck before burying his face in it. You welcomed his weight as you both gathered yourselves.

Ten minutes must've gone by until Namjoon broke the silence beyond bated breath, "I meant it." He murmured and your heart squeezed.

The fear of your next words dissipated the moment pushed himself up to look at your face. He looked as though he was about to back track, but you didn't let him, "I did too." You gave him one of your signature smiles, "I love you, Sir." You teased and gasped when you felt his dick twitch ever so slightly.

"Brat." He playfully seethed before attacking your face and neck with soft kisses, making you giggle.

----

You made your plight up the skyscraper for the second time with a less nervous aura. It had been a couple months or so since Namjoon and you had sealed the deal, so to speak. Things had been going great. He was the best boyfriend you could've asked for. He was supportive, kind, attentive, and all good things between. Recently, however, he had been extremely busy, and you had been extremely bored. You were in between exhibitions and had already beat deadlines for the next one, so you were left with cancelled dates and your hand. Of course you helped him with work with your limited skills.

The tray of drinks and a bag of food occupied your hands as you took a peek at your watch. Another day of overtime for your loving boyfriend. You just about had it eating alone for these past couple weeks. He fucked your brains out and then abruptly had no time to after a short two weeks of domestic and euphoric bliss. It wasn't fair. Thus, you took matters into your own hands. He had a strategy meeting which, as he explained, would consist of him scolding his employees. Logically, you would hate to intrude, but selfishly, you wanted to see him.

Surely he wouldn't spend over two hours overanalyzing his subordinates' work and scolding them?

Right?

"...Turn to page 13 of the report and see where I've highlighted the blatant misinformation on line 7." Namjoon's voice was sharp despite being as exhausted as his employees. Monday was a big presentation he had to entrust to the newer employees and upon reviewing the handouts to accompany a good-enough pitch, he was severely disappointed. There had been typos, incorrect graphs, and blatant lies littered throughout. To top it off, the slacking managers signed off on it prior to it reaching Namjoon. This left him no choice but to cut hours in the week to make time for this colossal scolding for lack of attention to detail, "It's beyond me how anyone expected this to be remotely acceptable to present in front of me, let alone investors. This fairy tale book was a grandiose waste of my time, and for what? To save some of you managers a couple minutes of revision?" The department heads shrunk in their seats under his razor sharp gaze. The booklet was littered with yellow and pink highlighter marks along with red pen notations, making them feel like school children. Even so, Namjoon had been known to terminate and replace entire teams in the span of time he spent revising the proposal. With this in mind, the workers were just thankful to have a job to speak on.

The atmosphere was tense, filled with anger and shame among the employees until, "Tsk, tsk, tsk, it's like the principal's office in here." Your cheery voice sliced through the tension as you clicked your tongue playfully, "Nothing like a good scolding from the boss man."

"Sweet pea?" You flashed a smile and the employees attempted to shield their whiplash from Namjoon's suddenly cheery tone, "What are you doing here?"

You held up the food, "Being selfish." You winked at him before addressing the sweating office workers, "Hello! My name is y/n, nice to meet you!" You politely bowed and were met with wary smiles. The workers glanced to Namjoon only to see an uncharacteristic smile on his face, “I’m Namjoon’s girlfriend, and I have heard so much about you,” You beamed, “Mostly good things, believe it or not.” You winked as you nearly skipped your way to the aforementioned boss man, “Don’t mind me, dear, I can wait for you.” You smiled cheekily as you sat next to an extremely sweaty employee.

“Well, darling, I imagine they have heard quite enough of me today.” Namjoon mused as his hand went to pat your head affectionately, not caring about his stunned subordinates, “I’ll let you decide what I should do from here, because I still have some materials to go over, but I’ll make an exception in favor of your judgement.”

Hopeful eyes darted to your form. The employees studied you. You were dressed in colorful clothing, playful earrings hung from your ears as your nails shined with the glitter you gleefully painted on them. Your eyes were bright, eager, ready to take on the world it seemed. The employees couldn’t help but wonder when they used to have that shimmer. Some of them had bitterly determined you were some gold digger or mindless trust fund baby. You hadn’t been the sharp, calculated, female version of Namjoon they would’ve pictured his girlfriend to be. That, plus Namjoon was very evidently in love with you. Never had they seen him cut a meeting short for anyone, even the other directors had to wait outside the meeting room.

You leaned your chin onto your palm, tapping your cheek in thought. Namjoon would occasionally ask for your advice, your minor in business management finally coming into use. You were definitely the good cop to Namjoon’s drill sergeant, especially when it came to this proposal, “Well, what say you all get an extra credit opportunity?” Your voice was melodic as you stood, “I was initially coming up here to redo the proposal myself, since Joon was going to… uh…” You trailed off, unsure how to put it.

“Y/n here was the lovely pink highlighter, has been offered the position of Co-Director by the CEO herself, and she has the credentials to replace all of you.” His voice made the crowd of office workers flinch, while some of them eyed your gleeful form in shock while you gave another smile, “I had been debating whether to suspend the lot of you without pay or terminate you, but it seems y/n is your savior tonight.”

“You give me too much credit.” You lightly slapped his bicep shyly as the employees held in a gasp at someone coming in contact with the ruthless and cold director, “Why don’t you all redo the proposal, hm?” You flicked your wrist to look at your watch, “You have about three hours before it becomes alarmingly late, it’s not safe to be in garages that deep into nightfall.” You showed them actual concern, “I’ll be more than happy to look it over when you believe you're done before it gets to the big boss man, here, but I hope you all will carefully check your own work too.” You were met with thankful glances, “I’m much more forgiving than Joon here, but if I find you squander this chance, not even I can save you, okay?” Frantic nods were tossed your way and you beamed at them with an infectious smile, “Great!” You clasped your hands together, “Joon and I will be in his office eating, I brought some little snacks for you all too.” You mused placing the plastic bag you had in your purse on the table, “Good luck!”

The moment the door shut to Namjoon’s office, you were in his arms, “Why don’t you talk sweet to me instead, baby?” He murmured against your ear, “I don’t like how they look at you when you smiled like that.”

You pulled back to place a quick kiss on his lips, “I don’t like how you don’t look at me when things like this happen.” You countered with an irresistible pout which he quickly kissed away, “Plus, they only look at me like that because you’re so spooky.” You pointed out as you sat on the plush leather couch.

"I have been pretty absent, huh?" He scratched the back of his neck as he plopped down next to you.

"We've only exchanged business emails about that dumb proposal basically." You huffed, "Then, you make me all flustered in front of the poor souls by-"

"Pointing out how amazing and capable you are?" His eyes flickered to you as he took a bite out of the meal your brought him, "I could see the way some of them looked at you, like you didn't know what you were talking about." He seethed, "Not to even mention how some of them looked at your body. It's so disrespectful, I had to let them know that if I had it my way you would be the only one in my department."

You placed a hand on the clenched fist Namjoon had. He always got extremely worked up each time you were treated as anything less than royalty. You could only thank the stars that he didn't know you while you were beginning your career as an artist, who knows what he would have done to the countless creepy property managers and haughty curators. Surely, it would be a bloodbath. Figuratively, you like to say. Namjoon would never hurt a fly, but when it came down to people who looked at you with anything he deemed an ill-intent, he would just about see red. You couldn't say you hated this trait, because an extremely selfish part of you enjoyed his undying love, and proved to reciprocate his resolve when the tables were turned. However, you were thankful you could quell the fire he stoked with rage. You were thankful he told you such emotions before they got out of hand.

You watch as his hand relaxed, gripping yours tenderly as he smiled, "Well, as long as they know you're not just mine, but you're the most invaluable asset I could ask for."

You chuckled at this, "You need to work on your sweet talk, it seems you're still in director mode." You placed as short kiss on his lips, "But I love you for it anyway." You giggled a little, "But if I go another stretch of time without attention again I'll be much more impulsive than a late night dinner." You couldn't call Namjoon the crazy one when his affection proved to be a drug you needed constantly, a drug you could feel the withdrawals from. Just like any addict, you could get unhinged without it.

Namjoon nodded, understanding better than anyone what you meant before bringing you in for a longer kiss. He knew better than anyone what neglect could do to the human mind, especially when the attention was so addicting. He knew what crazy meant, and he would never dream of making you feel as he does all the time. His skin pricks when your hands aren't on him, his hands tremor without your own within them, and he finds his mind wandering to darker places at the thought of all the people who look at you just as he can. He had too much power, too many resources at his disposal to be devoted to you. Maybe you knew this. Maybe you both had too much to loose if it meant losing each other.

Maybe being with a man as potentially dangerous as he could be was the adrenaline you needed all this time. An addictive thrill. Your constant fix of dopamine and you, his continuous flow of serotonin.

The both of you junkies for one another.

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#bts fic #yandere bts #bts smut #bts fluff #yandere namjoon #soft yandere namjoon #kim namjoon #kim namjon fic #namjoon smut #yandere bts smut #yandere smut

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sorry-apsalar · 4 years

Text

Why Wouldn’t I Be Okay?

This was inspired by a post I saw here on Tumblr that I would link if I could find it again but I can't. Anyway the post said something along the lines of 'imagine Bender recording Fry's voice to replay it to himself later. Now imagine him replaying it long after Fry had passed away'. It was supposed to have been a drabble but it ended up being 2k words long (my own fault for the choice of one of memories I decided to include) instead.

“Wait, you’re the only friend I have.”

Bender paused, turning to look back at Fry. “You really want a robot for a friend?” There was no way that could be true because what human in their right mind wanted to be friends with a robot?

“Yeah, ever since I was six.” He looked and sounded completely honest. Bender would’ve suspected it was an attempt at a cruel trick if it wasn’t for the fact Fry had just got done mistaking a suicide booth for a place to make phone calls and not realized the mistake until it had almost killed him; no way someone that stupid could fake being genuine so well. Meaning not only did he want a robot as a friend, he’d already decided that the two of them were friends. … Bender had never had a friend before so…

“Well okay, But I don’t want people thinking we’re robo-sexuals so if anyone asks, you’re my debugger.” Why not give this whole friendship thing a go? If it didn’t work out or he got bored of it, the suicide booth would still be there.

Bender sighed as he stopped the recording. It was crazy how much his life had changed that day all thanks to his chance encounter with Fry and then on a whim deciding to agree with Fry’s decision that they were friends. It wasn’t often he cared to take time to appreciate that but today was certainly a good day for it. … It was a good day for a lot of things.

The heater elements made him run uncomfortably hot and slowed down his other systems a bit but it was nowhere near bad enough to risk damage or automatic shutdown. A little bit of discomfort was worth it because his plan had worked; Fry had cuddled up to him without argument, complaint, or even much hesitation.

Fry was soft and squishy pressed up against Bender’s side. With an arm wrapped so firmly around him, Bender could feel his breathing. It was slowing and evening out as the last of the tension melted from his body. A quick furtive glance revealed that his eyes were closed now too; he was sleeping or in the process of falling asleep. Which wasn’t surprising the cold that had settled in their apartment after Bender had gutted the space heater had woken him several hours earlier than normal, especially for their day off. But it was still nice to see he was comfortable enough with Bender to fall asleep so quickly while they were cuddling like this. If only this could be a regular thing. …

Oh fuck, Bender was hopelessly in love, wasn’t he? Though he probably should’ve realized that upon coming up with this plan and deciding to do it, huh? Not that it mattered how or why he realized because…

Bender pulled himself out the memory. Looking back on it now, he almost couldn’t believe how he’d been so thoroughly convinced that there was no hope of that love being reciprocated. Him and Fry were basically the perfect match.

“I like you for you,” Fry said looking directly at Bender. “You’re great and you’re my best friend. And I love spending time with you whether we’re off on a space adventure or just lazing around the apartment watching TV together. So, I’d like to be more than just friends if that’s what you want too. If not, that’s… okay too, I’d understand.”

Bender did want that even if he’d never dared to actually hope for it. Before he said ‘yes’ though… “Oh, hmmm… what else do you like about me?” There was no way he could ever pass up an opportunity to make Fry say more nice things about him.

“You’re always fun to talk to and you’ve got great ideas for ways to pass the time when we’re bored. And even though you steal my wallet all the time, you always give it back eventually. And you’re a robot and that’s still super cool even if I’m used to robots by now because you were the first one I met and I wasn’t lying when I said I’d always wanted a robot for a best friend. So really by being my pal, you’re fulfilling a lifelong dream of mine. I’ve never thought about dating one before now though, it just never occurred to me until after that uh… kiss experiment we did.”

“Go on.”

Fry gave him a slightly annoyed look that only increased Bender’s enjoyment of the moment. “You’re also very confident, especially in yourself. And you’re also super strong, you can bend metal like it’s made of paper which is super cool. And sometimes you use that strength to open jars for me and sometimes you don’t even make fun of me for not being able to open it myself. Also, even despite our occasional disagreements, we always make up eventually and then we’re friends again like nothing ever happened and… that’s really nice. So… will you go out with me?” He held a hand out towards Bender, offering it.

Ah shit, Bender couldn’t drag this out any longer, could he? He wasn’t programmed to be able to handle emotional situations, heck he wasn’t programmed to have emotions at all. How did he say ‘yes’ without coming off as awkward and desperate? Or without fucking up his chances some other way? ... He had to say or do something! …

“Well, if you’re going to butter me up that much, I suppose we can go on one date and see what happens.” He couldn’t help but look away as he put his hand in Fry’s. That hadn’t exactly come out how he would’ve…

Fry’s grip on Bender’s hand tighter as he yanked him closer. “Can I kiss you again? For real this time, not just as an experiment?” Their bodies were very close now, enough that he could’ve just done it without asking. He didn’t even need to as far was Bender was concerned.

“I just agreed to go on a date with you meatbag, what do you think?”

Fry didn’t do it though, nor did he say anything. He was far too cute and sweet for his own good. It was endearing though.

Bender sighed. “Yes moron, you can kiss me again.”

Finally Fry kissed him again. His lips were warm and soft, an odd sensation but a pleasant one. And just like last time it was over before Bender was really ready for it to be.

“Better than last time?” Fry asked, his face flushing a little.

“A little.” And the first one had already been pretty good, even if Bender would never admit to it.

If only Bender could actually relive any of these moments. The visuals and audio were crystal clear and his recall of his emotions and internal thoughts were also recorded perfectly but it was still just a memory that he was choosing to play the full recording of in his head. No matter how much he wished he could sink into them as if they were happening in real time, he couldn’t. With another useless sigh, he started playing the next one.

As casually as he physically could, Bender strode over to stand by Fry as he hosed down the ship.

Fry turned his head to look at him with a smile. “I didn’t think you’d show up again until after the ship was done being cleaned.”

Bender hadn’t known that that was happening otherwise he would’ve stayed hidden for a while longer. “Eh, it’s whatever, Leela’s not around to order me to help so I don’t have to. But uh… I have a gift for you.”

Fry gave him a skeptical look. “It’s not another thing you stole that you’re giving to me so I get in trouble instead of you, is it?”

“Nope and for once I actually mean that. I did steal it though. But it was a while ago, I doubt anyone cares anymore so you probably won’t get in trouble for having it.”

He didn’t look completely convinced but after a couple seconds hesitation, Fry shrugged as he placed the hose on the ground and turned to face Bender fully. “All right then, what is it?”

Already in his hand and hidden behind his back, Bender pulled out the ring box. With a practiced flick of his wrist, he flipped open the lid so that Fry could see the big fancy ring inside. “Will you marry me?”

His eyes widening, Fry gasped. “I uh… yes, yes of course!”

Bender had expected a ‘yes’ – why wouldn’t Fry want to marry him? – but the enthusiasm was appreciated. Being excited about it was maybe a bit silly but -

“You okay Bender?”

With a jolt, Bender stopped the recording and opened his eyes. Cubert and Dwight hovered in front of him with worried expressions. Which just wasn’t right because they looked like their fathers now – especially Cubert because he was clone – neither of whom had ever been concerned about Bender, or at least not enough to look at him like that. How their sons had grown up to be such softies was a mystery, an annoying one.

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be okay?” Bender didn’t bother getting up from the couch in hopes that they’d leave soon.

“Well,” Cubert said, “You stayed overnight at work again. That’s not something people who are okay typically do.”

“Or maybe I just arrived before you did.” Bender had meant to leave the breakroom and head to probably the basement instead before they’d arrived but they’d just had to come in an hour early.

Dwight sighed and shook his head. “Also, according to my records it’s the one-year anniversary of… well… uh… you know. So it makes sense that you’re not okay, especially today.”

The one-year anniversary of Fry’s death. By some miracle he’d been the last to go, outliving even Leela by almost two whole years. It had been inevitable though, even modern science could only keep him alive for so long. And thus Bender had known it was coming from the very start and had seen all their friends die one by one… he’d never been ready to face it though, still wasn’t.

Despite that, he scoffed and rolled his eyes. “It’s been a year, I’m over it. Meatbags die, it’s one of the things they’re most known for. So I’m over all their deaths, including and especially his.”

Neither of them believed him. In fact, they looked at him with even more sadness and worry than before as if he were some poor lonely sap to be pitied. “It’s okay to grieve,” Cubert said. “You don’t have to be ashamed of it, we miss him and everyone else too. And we know how much you two loved each other.”

Dwight looked like he was going to say something in agreement but before he could get a single annoying word out, Bender stood up. “I have work to do.” He went past them and left the room, heading for the ship hanger.

Only one of the two company ships were in. The other was due to return sometime today and when it did, the team crewing it would probably have something for him to do. If not and probably if so as well, he’d be sure to be part of the crew going on the next mission because he needed the distraction. Hopefully it’d be a long one too so he’d have an excuse to continue to not return to his empty apartment.

Ugh, he was actually looking to do work for once and hoping it’d take a long time. That’s how far he’d fallen this past year. … He could delete his memories of Fry and all his friends – he even missed Zoidberg and Scruffy, something he never would’ve predicted. It’d hurt so much less if he did. With help he could even delete them so thoroughly that he wouldn’t even know anything had been deleted.

But… meeting and befriending Fry had irrevocably changed his life. Those memories not only included his happiest, they were also the majority of his life at this point. What would he be like if he did delete them? … Impossible to say and… he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. So… for now, he’d continue to live with them and continue to hope that maybe one day they’d hurt less.

#my writing #futurama #Frender #grief/mourning #recalling better times #far in the future

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