#people who started watching the show from s7 get made fun of but you know what the show got less Gross during VH1

[riverdale-retread]

Riverdale S7 E14 (Chapter 131) Archie the Musical

Well, this was fascinating. Do feel free to skip directly to the read-more which has the recap proper, because this next bit is a preamble. 

I always wonder about the urge of actors and people who work with actors to create situations in which the actors have to put on performances within performances.   At worst, it can get very navel-gazing, vain and shallow, but a lot of the time, if you can forgive performers for being too fascinated by themselves, the actual task of putting on the performance within a performance, where there’s a character who doesn’t know they’re a character in the show you (the audience member) are watching but IS aware that they’re pretending to be a character in a show that they know is a fictional creation seems really hard.  The task that the makers of Riverdale set for the actors of Riverdale in this episode is all that, squared, and it was very fun to watch.  Oh, and I’m a big fan of  this show, in an unironic, unabashed way, and I genuinely think a lot of these actors are actually very gifted as actors and putting on intentional, deliberate performances using their gifts, so take that under advisement as well.  

The musical opens with an alarm and just no preamble of any kind whatsoever.  Archie is singing a song from the literal second he wakes up.  Season 7 Archie has been Archie without the darkness and pain and sexuality that made him so fascinating to Jughead in all previous seasons to begin with, but in this opening sequence Season 7 Archie is fully a Classic (as opposed to Renaissance or Modern era) Disney princess.  He’s SO innocent and SO wholesome.  It’s very jarring.

“Why is life so cruel” he sings as he puts on clothes and says things like “same old teachers yapping in our ears!”

This song is extremely untuneful.  It’s a bad song.  This sounds like something I would sing at a passing street cat when I am wobbling home from having too many soju-beer mixes after dinner.   And Archie insincerely ‘selling’ it  makes it so much more awkward.

Very confusingly, Archie says it’s his Senior year as he waves out his window at Betty, who apparently has been standing there fully dressed in her perfect pink outfit watching him get up out of bed and into clothes this whole time.  If I wasn’t getting over Covid which I’ve caught later than literally everyone else this would’ve been the first valuable hint, but instead what I thought was, Oh this is the musical episode with a cold open AND a time jump?  Because they weren’t seniors yet last episode right?

Archie, who has never once been shown doing this, is waiting for her outside her door. They do this Singing in the Rain type of box step around each other before they skip off to school smiling entirely too much. It’s very surreal watching two characters repeatedly presented as All American being a parody of the All American concept.

Anyways, Betty takes over the song and she acts the most Un Betty-ish out of this whole season of being very unBetty.  She’s twirling around like she’s manic off of uppers, singing about how last year was “nothing but good times, nothing but fun ahead.” The net effect of this is very creepy and a lot scary. This is Betty Cooper as Alice Cooper always wants her to be. Betty, are you ok?!?  She starts hollering about how she’s “a model A student/ I’ll be perfect and prudent” and I totally feel like I’m having a stroke.  This is way worse than those NO She Would NOT Do That type of fanfics.

The first time I watched this episode I was already discombobulated by this time but the feeling became one of alarm when we moved on to Veronica.  Veronica is warbling about herself - she has “looks and style and brains and class” and “money? Well I do have a lot.”  I’m about to commit harakiri.  NO SHE WOULD NOT SAY THIS ABOUT HERSELF.    Veronica seems to be resisting the narrative because she addresses a free standing mirror as “mirror mirror on the shelf.”   She has a huge black and white actor profile type of photo of Archie stuck into her mirror.    She starts referencing designers that most definitely were not active in the 1950s (Versace, Prada, Klein).  

But I spoke far too soon about being scared of what’s going on in this opening sequence because the scariest is yet to come.  Jughead.  He’s apparently a super early rising morning person which - NO HE ISN’T. He’s fully dressed, seated at his desk, typing.   He’s singing. Is it because Jughead hasn’t sung much on this show that I am so scared of this or is this genuinely scary?  His eyes look totally crazed.   “Four years/ feels like I’ve done it before” he warbles.  He keeps smiling in a joyless way as he sings.  

He has a folder he shoves his morning pages into called “Genius Story Ideas” and after he chucks the paper in there he starts doing a solo dance sequence in front of his dog. It’s so bouncy, with big swinging motions.  This is so un-Jughead and I am very worried about him.  Jughead is apparently  done with summer school (when the hell did that happen?) so he can now take his place among his other classmates.  Then he finds a pizza box under his bed, looking absolutely maniacal.  

He’s doing a really alarming thing with his EYES.  Part of the reason that Jughead’s singing sequence is so scary is that he looks boyish  but his voice is all grown up, so the disconnect is very disconcerting. The other jarring element is that he is smiling like a Spearmint gum model  while singing this upbeat, chipper song, but his voice is much more indie-rock and melancholy.   

Next, he dance-steps his way into school carrying a cafeteria tray, accompanied by Ethel (looking great in a yellow and orange ensemble with green hints), Dilton and Ben.  He also makes up a word to rhyme with Sandwich (the last word of his song.).  Once again  - omg those maniacal googly EYES?   Jughead would never say “kicking back with my pals/ and finding myself.”   He keeps grinning as he swings his face from side to side except he’s not smiling AT anyone - he smiles at the back of a girl’s head after he grins at a shelf of trays.   He does a little twirl but he’s tense as fuck.  I feel like any second now he’s going to rip the skin off his own face using his fingernails.

Then comes the cheerleaders, followed by the basketball players.  

The cheerleaders seem very comfortable compared to Jughead. They have less to do in terms of choreo but they also don’t look terrified/ enraged.   The boys in particular line up to do a hip thrusting thing in formation in their short shorts.  They all pick up Reggie, and Julian and Fangs touch his chest.   This song will not end.  It’s just so untuneful!  It’s really hard to listen to the lyrics because I just find the notes so ugly.  Reggie however screams “I Rule Here!” as he sits on boys’ shoulders and once again - HE WOULD NOT DO THAT.  Not even S2-6 Reggie would be like this, and S7 1950s Reggie is too cautious and repressed to even think these thoughts.

The thing that upset me the most during my initial viewing, second only to Jughead tensely grinning away as he tried to sell his song like he was a child performer on High School Musical was that Julian Blossom is a natural performer.  Some people can sell any kind of choreography.  Like, even if the steps are objectively stupid the performer can elevate them to something charming or cute, even if they can’t fully dissipate the stupidity.  Julian is someone who can do this, and that surprised me. Why is the resident toxic masculinity jock a great musical theater performer?

Archie, Betty and Veronica drive up in his jalopy.  Suddenly everyone is congregating on the steps of the school main entrance.  Archie and Jughead finally act like they know each other - they give each other an extremely enthusiastic high five.   They’re all doing this super cheerful looking dance sequence, grinning ear to ear in bright sunshine and I feel like I really want to get on my knees and apologize to Roberto for complaining about all those times when the show was very murkily lit such that it was hard to see anything.   Watching all these people grinning is like watching those robotic children of the North Korean propaganda choirs, where the people have been perfectly trained to be more like animatronics than actual robots could ever be.   My eye keeps compulsively going to Jughead because he is completely not acting like himself.  LIke, Betty and Veronica and Toni and Cheryl and Clay and Archie all putting on their perfect Americana smiles, standing legs apart and arms spread in celebratory Vs - I can accept this.  JUGHEAD DOING THIS I CANNOT.  I keep wanting to reach into the screen to shake Jughead, to ask, Who is hurting you now?  What has happened??

And GUESS WHAT - it’s a fakeout.  

We finally get an explanation of what all this insanity was! In the ‘reality’ of S7 Riverdale, in the 1950s alternate universe, Kevin, who looks so pleased, calls out “Wow that was incredible!  Was that not so incredible, Clay?” 

Clay agrees with him because he’s not allowed to disagree with Kevin (The show posits that lovers can never actually disagree with each other, because that’s not what it means to be supportive, to disagree with your partner).

I hate Kevin so much, I have all season and this just seals the deal for me.  This musical sucks! Your song writing sucks!

And then the show does an about face and agrees with me, because all the ‘performers’ agree with me that this song was objectionable.   Clay and Kevin are in raptures about how fantastic it is, but everyone looks back at them with disagreement full on their faces.

Betty tactfully asks if the song they were all just forced to sing were written by the two boys.  That is, she wants to know how honest she’s going to be allowed to be about how much it sucks.   Unfortunately for her, Clay and Kevin did indeed write the song. This makes it so much more awkward for everyone to give their honest feedback.  Ethel, being the bravest girl in Riverdale and also someone who has recently not just seen the hacked-to-death corpses of her parents but also killed a man, tries first.  She says in a roundabout way that the song is too long and there are too many songs overall in the musical (“There’s a lot of music”) which is what you say when the material you’re given sucks ass.

Clay and Kevin, who are doing this because they’re finally allowed to put on a show that isn’t Oklahoma (which would have been a better choice because at minimum it comes with Agnes DeMille choreography and not the totalitarian cult dance that we just saw them all perform), take a very, very long time to realize that their cast actually doesn’t like the opening number very much. 

They’re both grinning ear to ear, exploding with joy, but nobody else looks even a little happy.  

Archie tries to object to the entire premise of the show, but because he’s not very bright he asks it in a dumb way: “Why are we playing seniors in the show? We’re juniors in real life.”

Kevin absolutely refuses to take the hint that not even Archie can stomach his songwriting, and gives a very pompous explanation about how Senior year is always a much better premise. 

Veronica tries to out theater-snob Kevin, since she knows a thing or two about putting on hideous musical numbers.  “Dramaturgically” is a word she wields like a weapon, to try to puncture Kevin’s ego-balloon.  Veronica asks  why it is she’s still ‘the new girl.’  She also directly criticizes the lyrical content - “Does that make sense?”

Kevin very slowly starts to realize they all totally hate it. 

Julian speaks up next.  He thinks he should be the lead because he’s the best singer (to which Midge says Fangs is the best singer) (which no, honey those are just your pregnancy hormones fucking up your brain) (And sorry for the string of parenthetical thoughts but JULIAN IS RIGHT. He IS the best performer -he looks intentional and natural singing and dancing.)  

Clay is as much of a bullshitting asswipe as Kevin (this is why they’re perfect for each other, I guess?) because he tells Julian that he’s Archie’s understudy in response to the bickering about who the ‘best’ singer is between Julian and Midge.   Actually the reason Julian isn’t the lead is because Kevin and Clay don’t like him as much, simply because he’s less likable, kind of a dick, but also Julian is very straight.  That is - the makers of this high school musical picked the boy they liked the most to be the lead, and they do not give a shit about meritocracy even for the purposes of putting on the best possible show.  

On the meta level though, this comment is very important for an analysis of this show   The redhead Blossom boy (previously Jason, now Julian) and Archie Andrews are often made to play oddly parallel parts to each other, so this is the show acknowledging this strange connection - that is, Jughead’s fantasies about Jason fueled S1 plot as much as his fantasies about Archie fuel the plot of the rest of the show;  Cheryl and Jason possibly probably had a (psycho)sexual something and in the wake of Jason’s death all the Blossoms tried to abduct Archie into their family; Archie became captain of the football team when Jason died and he became captain of the basketball team when Julian fell into a coma etc. 

Anyway, in answer to the two shitty songwriters’ arbitrary comment that Archie has to be the lead in the musical, the lesbians object immediately.  Cheryl and Toni in tandem state that a musical that’s “about all of them” can’t have Archie Andrews as the “main” character at the same time, and further, that they object to being relegated to ‘chorus’ girls in a male-centric narrative.  Yup.  Kevin the woman hating gay man would totally do this to women.

Sidebar - This is an interesting and visceral thing they keep doing with Kevin.  A man can be gay and be an enemy of women is the Kevin thesis.  Why it is that RAS, a gay man, keeps making his show make this point over and over in its final season?!

Anyway, Kevin and Clay continue to be dicks and also bad artists - they do not address any of the valid criticisms they are being given.  In response to “why is there a white straight male lead character when you (lied and) said the show was about all of us?” Kevin gives an insultingly condescending answer:  “You’ll have lines in the closing number.”

Way to miss the point, you git.

The untalented gay musical theater duo try to sell the finale of the musical as happening at The Prom.

This idea is extremely exciting to Midge for some reason, but it takes Jughead completely out of the game.  “In my opinion there is no lower art form than American musical comedy,” he says, which is very funny because he is an active participant in another “low” art form - the American horror/underground comic books, and he is saying this on Riverdale the show on CW exported to Netflix which keeps getting pilloried for being ‘bad’ and ‘low culture’ by people who are not as sophisticated and artistic as me.  

Reggie immediately says that while he “has the looks for acting” he doesn’t want to do either singing or dancing.  

Taking a step away from episode recapping to note that the best way I’ve found to enjoy Riverdale is to assume that all the decisions being made on screen are deliberate and intentional.  All these people - the writers, the choreographer, the actors, the editors etc - have made every choice presented to me ON PURPOSE.  So Jughead looking scarily manic was a performance choice that the actor made which the lighting director chose to make highly visible which the director encouraged. That kind of hamfisted hamminess with its strange undergirding of anger is what Jughead the character thinks American musicals are like.  By the same token - the amiable ease of Archie and Betty’s performances was supposed to communicate their cooperative characters. 

Do you get me?  Jughead Jones looked awkward and insane during what we saw of his song and dance number because Jughead Jones the character felt awkward and insane doing the number. 

Kevin and Clay take the departure of Jughead and Reggie in stride, because their focus was always on Archie.   Archie, Julian - and in fact, everyone visible on the ‘performer’ side of the room look deeply unhappy. 

It’s time for Archie’s “I want song” which Julian has to participate in because he’s Archie’s understudy.   Archie still hates Julian.  He is only staying to spite Julian, and you have this hilarious spectacle of two hyper masculine jock boys competitively singing a really dorky, frankly effeminate I Want Song at each other, line by line.  Archie is a stiff-as-fuck musical performer. He doesn’t understand this musical, he doesn’t like its premise, and all of that comes through in his stiff performance as he tries to stay on the beat. (Archie elsewhere has given good singing performances where he wasn't stiff and awkward, so this is very deliberate for this particular episode.)

Julian has a beautifully modulated singing voice.  His motions are fluid and natural.  He even moves his EYEBROWS well. He sells the song. It … like- i can’t believe I’m saying this - it sounds good when he sings it. Tuneful and catchy and everything.    Julian is elevating Kevin’s stupid music and I’m torn to pieces because a good performance is always pleasurable but I DON’T WANT THE SONG TO BE ELEVATED BECAUSE I WANT KEVIN TO FAIL.

Then Riverdale fully goes BOLLYWOOD.  Just. This is Bollywood. With no warning.  The camera pans up to follow the line of Julian’s sight as he does a really great piece of impromptu motion, projecting his voice to the ceiling.  Bollywood does this thing where people are in ‘reality’ (like say, in front of a bangles stall at the market) and then the song starts and suddenly they’re in a fantasy outdoor reality (say, in front of the pyramids of Giza), and the initial notes of the song are always shown with the character either running towards or away from each other.  They also change into much fancier clothes.

By the same token, this song transports both Archie and Julian to the sunny outdoors. They’re wearing tight fitting  sports uniforms that BOTH say Andrews.  And they’re running.   Julian looks completely at ease, dance-running gracefully to demonstrate the lyrics (“Archie going left/ Archie going right”).  Archie is having a really hard time running and singing at the same time, plus he’s very annoyed at Julian having this beautiful voice so he keeps scowling, too aware of what Julian is doing to give his own performance his all.  Julian is able to introduce truly lovely details into his ‘dance-run’ like annoyed little twitches of his head when Archie pulls ahead of him before racing to catch up. 

We’re back in the ‘reality’ of the rehearsal room.  Archie has picked up some performance points from Julian, again out of spite and competitiveness more than inspiration.   He’s starting to try to actually dance as he sings.  He’s snapping his fingers.  He does things with his hand as he delivers the lyrics.  He still looks stiff as fuck, but Julian is big enough to appreciate these gestures at improvement.    He actually, as a fellow artist, approves of Archie making an effort.  He even gives him an encouraging nod!

Julian, who is a nepo baby through and through about literally everything, is a meritocrat about musical theater.

I CAN’T COPE.

Kevin is ecstatic with hope again, thinking that it’s coming together. He’s so stupid.  He just lucked into having a talented musical theater leading man in the form of Julian, whom he’s incompetent enough to use as THE UNDERSTUDY. 

Archie is bouncing on the beat to every note of this song, but Julian knows (because he’s talented, omg I’m freaking out) that economy of movement is always better in the dance arts, so he keeps his body still and only makes gestural motions when they are necessary to communicate the song.

We’re back to the outdoor Bollywood reality.  Fully aware that he is losing, that he is Salieri to Julians’ Mozart, Archie brings out his best weapon - his abs.  He takes off his shirt as he runs. He looks really stressed out and aggressive about Julian being so much better than him.  Julian will not ever back down from a challenge, so he takes his shirt off too and GUESS WHAT  he has the same washboard abs as Archie!  “I’m a ripped ginger too!” is what Julian’s face says to Archie as they sing their song and run.   Archie is deeply unhappy about this.  He can’t bear to look at Julian. He doesn’t know what to do now.

Guys, I’m so into this musical. I love it. This is so fun. And it’s all because of Julian. 

Then they’re in the boys' changing room at school, singing at each other while taking their showers after the run.  This Bollywood reality is very gay alluva sudden.  Archie, Mr. Stiff & Awkward, is trying very hard to level up his choreography game.  He slams a hand into the shower wall as he sings.  Julian does the same thing, but better, with more panache.  Archie gives Julian a cock-eyed look.  Julian has super flexible eyebrows and does the cock-eyed challenging face BETTER.  Archie tries running his hand through his hair while making a cocky face.  Julian does it but with BOTH hands, HARMONIZES, and while Archie gets stuck with his hand in his own hair, extends the motion by spreading his hands wide and doing this fun little head tilt while adding a whole lot of swaggery sass to HIS version of the cocky face.

Archie gets pissed enough to slap the shower wall and - 

SEE, THE RIVERDALE ACTORS ARE GREAT.

This wall slap is categorically, visually, emotionally different from his doing as a ‘dance’ to try to one-up Julian as a performer.  This is genuine. It’s the ‘real’ Archie’s actual frustration about not being as good as Julian. 

Archie the fictional character breaks character as the fictional Archie, bringing on the record scratch sound. 

No STOP STOP STOP! Archie screams in desperation. He wants very much to be the lead now because he’s seeing how great Julian is and Julian Blossom cannot be allowed to win.  I’m furious and scared because I have a crush on Julian now even though I still hate this musical and why is this happening to me??

Julian says that “we were humming” and Archie is petty as anything.  He tries to assert dominance by saying he doesn’t like that “my UNDERSTUDY” is “singing at the same time as me!” because it’s “super distracting.”  Julian knows what I know which is that Archie is hating it that Julian is just immensely better than Archie is.  He makes a face and says UH Huh! at that.  

Archie, like all mediocre performers, starts to blame the material. “I’m not really jiving with this song.”  Julian won’t let him get away with this at all - “That’s funny, I am!”  And Julian would be. He was making it work.  

Kevin, because as I said he is not a meritocrat, decides to accommodate Archie.  He starts asking a truly unwieldy set of questions.  “What do you want in real life? What’s your secret passion or dream? Who is Archie Andrews?”    Julian pretends to be interested in Archie’s answer but actually he’s getting a kick out of Archie’s utterly overwhelmed silence. He is making the funniest faces of sarcastic faux concern as Archie gets totally freaked out by the onslaught of introspective prompts.   “Do you even know what you want?”  Kevin asks.  Clay asks which girl he wants to date.  Julian is smart  - catching on immediately, he continues the cross examination - “Do you want to be on the basketball team??”  “Write poetry?” Kevin finishes.

Archie  has no choice but  to say he doesn’t know.  Then he tries to say ‘all of them’ but that gets shut down by Kevin. The rules of dramaturgy, to borrow Veronica’s word, necessitate that the I Want song can only be about one thing, not multiple things.  Or else “you have a poorly defined main character.”

I mean.  Archie has been Barbie levels of flexible in terms of career (to borrow Cheryl Blossom’s spectacular summing up) on all previous seasons of Riverdale, so this is yet another juicy little meta self-commentary by the show.  Julian is very amused about Archie getting hoisted by his own petard, for one, and for another, he’s amused by Kevin being totally oblivious to the fact that it’s being confronted with Julian’s talent that is freaking Archie out first and foremost. 

Clay and Kevin promise that they’re going to write a different, more suitable I-want song for Archie, even though Archie is worried that they won’t be able to since he himself doesn’t know what he wants.

Done with the day, Kevin and Clay leave the music room, holding hands, being very lovey dovey.  Clay drops exposition about things going badly at home for Kevin.  Then they sing a pretty-enough duet about what they have being “no ordinary feeling” because “this is love, this is love.”  OK but it’s so castrated, boys.  So the Kevin performer has a beautiful voice, and he sings whatever he has to with resonance and conviction, but he’s a better singer than he’s an actor, because Kevin and Clay have absolutely no chemistry. I have zero sense that either one desires the other.   They’re two teenage boys engaging in what seems to be a very brave, out gay relationship at very high risk, crossing racial lines, even, and yet they have NO chemistry, NO yearning, and they make faces at each other of the type I make to fluffy dogs.  Like, they like each other, they want nice things for each other, but I don’t believe for a second that they’re attracted to each other.  So it’s really jarring, actually, and makes me hate Kevin even more.  He is worshipful of Clay for EXACTLY THE SAME REASONS that he was so shitty to Betty for - Betty gave AND STILL GIVES HIM understanding and support so he just trod all over her, lied to her, gaslit her, and was unabashedly blatant about his revulsion for her female body.    Kevin is with Clay not because he loves Clay or loves men, but because he is too insecure to be single and he hates women too much, so it’s men or nothing.  I hate Kevin.

We’re at the diner, and at first I am relieved to see Cheryl.  But then it’s a Kevin / Clay production number , this time written for women, so I know I’m in for a bad time.   Betty bursts into song about how the only girl for Archie is her.  She’s skippy and bouncy and I want to throw up.  This is how Kevin really sees her - as a boycrazy airhead.  Which she has never, ever been, not even in the 1950s AU. (How many times is too many times to say I hate Kevin in one post?)  Betty gets physically obnoxious with Veronica, kicking at her to move out of the booth.

Then Veronica sings her portion and does a thing nobody ever does.  She puts her hand right on her female rival’s cleavage, palm flat, while pushing her backwards to declare that she’s “not the kind of girl who comes in second place.”  Kevin thinks Veronica buys her boys with money (“I serve it up on a silver plate”).   He’s half right - she does, but not for the reasons he thinks.  Generosity is Veronica’s love language, and moreover, because she’s known to be rich, nobody ever refuses her extravagant gifts. 

Cheryl and Toni are forced to be the backup singers and co-occupiers of the same booth as Betty and Veronica sing this stupid song about how perfect each of them are for Archie.  Cheryl rolls her eyes so hard she almost has a stroke, and Toni looks done with life. 

We get a very very pinkish red sequence of the three of them - Veronica, Archie and Betty - playing in a band together.  Archie is silent so far, grinning at each in turn and the girls make very sweet faces at him before glowering at each other behind his (oblivious? fully aware?) back.  

Then the unexpected happens.  Toni starts singing about how Archie met her at Pop’s.  She took him for a spin on her motorcycle.  Archie rides behind Toni, who looks absolutely adorable with her huge wig and tiny biker’s outfit on her patently fake bike in front of the blue screen.   Then the nightmare continues.  Cheryl calls her “honey” in order to sing about her own sexcapade with Archie.  She puts on a non regulation siren-red Vixen cheerleader outfit, in front of a blazing fire AND  dozen candles at her house.  “Archie leaned in” apparently.

All four girls are in the band now, singing about how they each want Archie.  

Kevin really, really hates women.  He hates straight women for getting men,  but Kevin. KEVIN WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.  Also CLAY YOU ARE A PIECE OF SHIT YOU SMUG ASSHOLE.

The lyrics to this song are appalling;�� “One boy plus four best friends/ Pretty girls getting ugly” “Best frenemies.”

“Bop on the head you twit” says Cheryl, immediately, as soon as Kevin is about to be overwhelmed with ecstasy at seeing his woman hating vision come to life.  Kevin invented the word ‘frenemies’ to be specifically shitty to women.  “Is this how you see us?” Betty finally asks.

Betty.

BETTY

YES.

YES HE DOES.

“Vapid khaki-wacky girls?”  NO. 

Oh she was so close.

No Betty. He thinks ALL STRAIGHT GIRLS ARE VAPID.  Also I have no idea what khaki-wacky means or if that’s even a real phrase, but I guess it means ‘airhead.’  Get it together girl.  He really did waste your time out of sheer contempt for you and you should be kicking him in the nuts every single time you see his stupid face.

Veronica says that she will get a better song written by someone else.   Because she knows actually talented songwriters - people who win Oscars and Tony awards.   She is thinking Cole Porter.    The lesbians add on the very valid comment that their parts seem especially tacked on.  Kevin very bitchily says that it’s because they wanted bigger parts - and this sort of airhead role is all either of them, and indeed all women, are good for.

Why does the show want me to hate Kevin so much by the way?  

Cheryl challenges the two misogynist gays to “write something truthful” and “more honest about you two.”  Kevin doesn’t like this idea,  but Clay nods at him because he wants some sort of show to exist.

The untalented woman hating gays  next approache Archie to let him know there’s a new I Want song.  They’ve decided to “focus on your quest for love.”  Archie is going to give this song a whirl because Julian isn’t there to show him up. 

The song is about choosing between Betty and Veronica. Which means the misogynist gay duo has completely not bothered listening to anything any of the girls said about how they object to misogyny in the musical.  They literally give Archie tickets with Veronica and Betty’s names printed on them, reducing both girls down to Socialite Queen and The Girl Next Door.   He does a little spin around a street lamp just outside the cinema where he’s about to watch ‘Choosing Between Betty and Veronica’ in a direct homage to Gene Kelly in Dancing in the Rain, except all I feel is sadness that I don’t get to watch Julian have a go at doing that. 

Apparently, Archie’s choices are between Wanting/ Needing,  Living/ Dreaming, and I’m not sure which one represents what.  Does he WANT Veronica and NEED Betty?  Or does Veronica represent ‘living” and Betty “dreaming”? 

So, according to the Misogynist Gay Duo, Veronica is Onion Rings and Betty is Cotton Candy.  Betty, seriously, kick them both in the nuts. 

But then the visuals in the song change and it gets suddenly very interesting.  When Betty is feeding Archie cotton candy on the school steps,  Archie turns his head away from her to take in the sight of Reggie practicing hoops, looking very handsome.  The lyrics are “They’re both delicious.”  We then cut to the diner, where Veronica is simpering at Archie, but Archie asks himself “How can I choose between two perfect things?” as he looks away from her to  look at Jughead moodily typing away in another booth. 

The posters he next sees show him the choice between basketball / athleticism and poetry.  Suuuure, looking at Reggie and Jughead are about career choices and not the boys themselves. Uh huh.  

Archie stops the song again, to confess that he’s been very bothered by the questions they peppered him with last time.  What does he really want?   Kevin freely admits that he didn’t actually care about this at all, he just wanted a song, so he wrote what for him is the most interesting thing about straight men - not their humanity, not their feelings, but their (to him) frustrating and bizarre need and desire to fuck women.  Archie tries to tell him that “that’s not really the big question that I’m wrestling with.”

Archie drops out of the musical because he has to figure some things out for himself.  Kevin is very annoyed, but Clay, because he’s more dishonest, pretends to wish Archie well on his quest for self discovery.  

I still think Archie is too freaked out by how good Julian is, and doesn’t want to hear Julian sing better than he does about Veronica and Betty. 

Veronica and Betty are hanging out at Veronica’s apartment.  Veronica says that Cole Porter has agreed to write her a little ditty so they can sing it at the musical.  Cole Porter was born 1891 so in ‘the present day’ of this AU, he’s sixty four. SIXTY FOUR.   Why did the show decide on Cole Porter???   Did they just want these girls to say COLE?? 

Anyway, Veronica confesses to Betty that she kissed Archie during the Red Scare.  Betty calmly asks her if she likes him, to which Veronica says that she does, but that she likes Betty more.   Veronica feels closer to Betty than anyone else in town, and Betty FEELS THE SAME WAY.   Betty suggests that they focus on their friendship.  And then they hold hands, because this is how heterosexual girls behave.

We cut to Kevin, who is having a halting, weird conversation with his dad.  His father seems to be sleeping at his office.  Is this why Sheriff Keller has been even more incompetent than he usually is??   He says that he wants to have his whole family together at the musical in the spring.  Kevin cannot get any information out of his dad about what’s going on with his parents’ estrangement.

The Misogynist Gay Duo have summoned the Skeptical Superfemme Dykes to say that they wrote them a better song, a truer song, like Cheryl commanded, because the two of them  heard the feedback and accepted the challenge.

This is a lie of course.  They lost their straight male lead, so now they are desperately scrambling to put some sort of show, any sort of show, together, so as to enjoy the ego high of having ‘their original work’ on stage.  They can’t even be honest about why they’re doing any of this.  And of course, of COURSE, OF COURSE, this song is actually the Misogynist Gay Duo praising themselves, with the valueless females’ participation only an afterthought.  

The song is fine.

Well, actually it’s not.

It’s deeply weird. 

“I know I’ll never find your loving in anyone else” is ordinary enough, but then comes the very next lyric, which is repeated several times: “Though I’ll try.”  Same goes for “I’ll never find your smile in anyone else” and then comes the damning “Though I’ll try.” 

???????????

This exhibits a huge amount of ambivalence - the point of reluctance - to being gay, of being in love with the person who ‘makes’ you gay. 

“I’d fight myself, you know I would/ If I thought it’d do any good.”

The Good here being, not being in love with the person who makes you - and marks you out as - gay.

This is not … a gay love song, though the gay-and-lesbian parallel love scene montage they play over it is an attempt to sell it as one.  It’s a I Wish I Wasn’t Gay song. It’s a, I’m going to Keep looking for someone who isn’t the same gender as me who will give me the same feeling, song, but then depressedly, defeatedly acquiescing to the fact that I am probably gay, for realsies, in the end.   They’re going to stay together because they don’t know how “Let go of your hand/ to start another life.”  This is the opposite of the celebration of discovering your own feelings.

Kevin and Clay are so fucked up and so shitty. 

They also are not going to come out, and will not include this in the musical.  This was a sort of bribe, to trick the Skeptical Superfemme Dykes into staying in the musical, but of course, this backfires.  Cheryl and Toni refuse to be in the musical and to lend their names to it, as long as they have to lie about being gay to participate. 

At the diner, any sort of decision making he has to do is freaking Archie out.  He can’t decide between soup or salad, even.  Jughead is there. OMG they know each other again!   Jughead says they’re both going to take BOTH the soup and the salad (Ooh?) then prompts Archie to continue what he was saying.  Archie says that KEVIN is writing a musical about him, and he doesn’t know why.  (RIP Clay, you don’t count). 

I do.  

Kevin is writing the musical about Archie because he wishes he wasn’t gay and he assumes Archie is entirely straight like he wishes he was.   Archie has the facts but not the insight - he says that Kevin is writing him as though the main decision in his life is about choosing between Betty and Veronica (which is to say, Kevin is deeply obsessed with heterosexuality of men but hates the women that are required to be a heterosexual man) but for Archie, the real Archie of S7, the thing that’s really tearing him apart is the choice between poetry and basketball, he says.

Jughead directly disagrees.  He says that Archie’s problem is the fear of making any sort of choice, that he thinks might ‘affect the rest of his life.’ He calls Archie a ‘cube.’ He also references Camus that Archie doesn’t understand.

Then, Archie suddenly bursts into non-diagetic song (or is it diagetic????) as Jughead smirks at him.  His song is about how he can’t pick two, he has to pick ONE and be a man. Pops is back with the soup, salad and sandwich, which the Archie promptly rejects.  He wants just the sandwich.  Jughead says he’s going to take soup and salad (Archie’s rejects).  Is Jughead starving in this universe?  No, right? Because he has a job that pays and stuff.  Is Betty soup (whom he got together with after Archie unequivocally rejected her in the OG time line the first time) and Veronica salad (whom he was briefly together with in this timeline after Archie rejected HER)?

Archie rushes home to tell Frank that he is going to choose poetry over basketball. He wants out of the basketball team.  Frank is furious, calling him “some kind of beatnik poet” then yelling about how HE needs Archie on the team and he won’t approve of it.  Then Uncle Fucking Frank threatens Archie - “You will regret it!” but Archie stands firm. He’s made his choice and is fine with regretting it.

Next morning at Kevin’s house, Kevin’s mom brings him a little something for breakfast because he overslept.  With Clay.  Clay departs out the window. 

WE FINALLY SEE KEVIN’S MOM. 

I don’t know that we’ve ever seen his mom, ever. She seems nice enough.  She proposes a family dinner.  I wish I cared more about her, but I don’t because she is Kevin’s mom.

Then comes the song that Cole Porter allegedly wrote for Veronica, as per whatever her instructions are.  

OK So.

I love Cole Porter. I know a lot of them by heart, especially off the Ella Fitzgerald Sings the Cole Porter Song Book album, released in - guess when - 1956.

HOW DARE THEY TAKE COLE PORTER’S NAME IN VAIN. 

This song that Veronica and Betty sing together and for each other is absolutely nothing like any Cole Porter song whatsoever in any way. WHY REFERENCE COLE PORTER?  I really think they just wanted Camila Mendes to say “Cole” and have Lili Reinhart say “Cole” back to her on screen.  It could’ve literally been any other musical songwriter otherwise - Oscar Hammerstein was a contemporary of Cole Porter!  Richard Rodgers was a bit younger than both of them!  The Sherman brothers (who wrote Mary Poppins) may even have been the right age to plausibly be friends with Veronica!  Cole Porter was a really weird choice - so the only reason to choose him was this bizarre fan service.  If anything this song sounds like Robert Lopez and Kristen Anderson-Lopez (of Frozen fame).

The song is pretty, and the two girls sing it pretty enough, but it’s trite as fuck and so are the visuals.  The Bee and Vee Bollywood timeout consists of their running for class president  on individual tickets at first, and then joining forces to be a co-headlining ticket.   Something about seeing the universe inside, being afraid to show your real self.  Veronica says she always needs to be the best, and Betty needs people to realize she’s more than her surface.  

 The show shows its true colors (and not the pretty lesbian ones of the balloons that the Bee and Vee ticket use at their school election campaign) in that it thinks the only valid liberation for women was getting the vote.  That’s the surface level injustice (not having suffrage) that the show can truly believe was gendered oppression.  Once that was solved, women should’ve just shut up.  Fuck off, show.

 The girls are so turned on by someone acknowledging that she might have depth that they apparate out to space to share a kiss as a comet falls.  

The Misogynist Gay Duo are completely confused by this song.  Kevin does not understand it whatsoever, because it doesn’t fit with his world view, that women can have anything other than disgusting vaginas that straight men are (to him) inexplicably obsessed with fucking.  Clay is a bit more with it - at least, he’s sensitive to the “energy exchange” as Veronica calls it, that occurred between them in the course of the song.  Kevin’s summing up of this song is SO WRONG.  He says he felt “the pain of your isolation” and even worse, the girls’ “desperate” (he really says, Desperate) “need to be seen.”  THAT ISN’T WHAT THEY SAID THOUGH, KEVIN.   They said that they saw a universe in each other.  You stupid woman hating piece of shit. I hope your mother calls you fat and ruins your confidence at the end of this episode.  For fuck’s sake.

Once more - WHYYYY are they doing this with Kevin’s character?  He did not hate women even when women were being kind of hateful to him (such as Betty outing him when he wasn’t ready to his dad).  Oh.  Is this why?  In S7 ,we get to see Toni being shitty to Cheryl in a reversal of Cheryl being problematic to Toni, so by the same token we get to see Kevin despise Betty as he should’ve done in earlier seasons??

Bee and Vee are shook, so they discuss the “primal” “charged and intense” connection they felt during the song.  Betty wants to climb Veronica’s emotionally complex mountain.

With absolutely perfect timing, Archie comes to tell the two pretty girls he’s kissed that he is choosing celibacy in order to discover himself, even though he’s fond of them.  They are so put out.  Like, dude get over yourself. 

Of course, Archie is behaving like this not least because he was infected with Kevin’s warped view of his life.

We cut to Kevin at his family dinner at the Diner. His mother is like four feet taller than his dad, which I like very much.   Kevin continues to be shit.  He is saying “The new Archie, Julian, he’s even better than the real Archie.”   This is accurate but he only came to this realization because Julian is literally the only person interested in performing his songs - THERE’S LITERALLY NO CAST LEFT because Kevin sucks.   

His parents tell him in a clumsy way that they are getting a divorce.  Kevin seems upset, but doesn’t lash out or anything, and says pompously that he has his ‘presentation’ of the musical tomorrow so he’s going to go home now.  He gets a bit sarcastic with them, I guess, but I don’t care. I hate Kevin.

Then we get to the presentation of the musical  Julian has been cast as Archie.  Clay is playing the part of Jughead. Midge and one other nameless girl have been shoehorned into the slot originally given to Cheryl and Toni (the foursome of bitches that want to fuck Archie).  Veronica and Betty are inexplicably willing to participate still, even though they were given a vastly superior song to sing that had them hallucinating space traveling lesbian sex.  The fact that the Misogynist Gay Duo are USING THE NAMES of Archie (no longer in the musical), Jughead (who hates both of them and the musical), Reggie (also out since day 1), for this show is HORRENDOUS.  Oh and fuck you Fangs, for playing Reggie. 

Veronica, I’m so disappointed in you.  You gave Jughead such hell for using your name and likeness in the genre fiction he writes, but you’re fine with Kevin doing this to everyone who explicitly said they DID NOT WANT to be involved in his stupid musical?

Anyway the chief pleasure of this number, is, of course, JULIAN.  The Riverdale MVP.  He is just so good at every part of this.  Wearing the Archie costume with the correct attitude for the way the character is set up in the musical. He’s so GREAT at theater dancing. Knows exactly how to place his weight, knows exactly how much to move, and the singing voice is just lovely!  He shows up everyone - Betty and Veronica look and sound like gifted amateurs trying to keep up with a professional.  

Featherhead applauds Julian, because he understands quality when he sees it, unlike Kevin.

Oh and Kevin and Clay hate Jughead too.  Jughead says in the musical, singing in the most obnoxious, unJughead preening way, that he’s going to be stuffing his face instead of going to Prom.  Then Julian as Archie bouncily invites him to prom (complete with titty slap).  Julian is SO CUTE. Why am I so into Julian? HELP ME.

He tells Kevin that they absolutely will not be producing the musical whatsoever.  “Original musicals are tough sells” and he’s worried that nobody will come for “Archie the Musical” but  Oklahoma will completely sell out. He has good taste, Featherhead.  Oklahoma is a gorgeous musical. 

Kevin is pissy as fuck when he comes to yell at his cast about not getting the musical that he wanted made. He’s so shit and I am enjoying his suffering.  He’s so stupid and untalented to the end - he says he is experiencing this failure because the others didn’t support him and his vision enough, and nitpicked his songs to death.  Actually no Kevin. Your songs are just shit, and your vision of other people are misogynist and reductive, plus you have absolutely no eye for performance talent.  You failed because you’re not talented enough, but sure have your violent temper tantrum.

After Kevin storms out, Clay explains to the cast that Kevin is upset about his parents getting a divorce. 

Kevin goes home and has some talk with his mom who says she loves him unconditionally and that the divorce between his parents is not his fault.  I wish I cared but I don’t. I am however annoyed that Kevin who so viciously hates women keeps having women be so kind and nice to him.

The next day, Archie approaches Kevin who is noodling around on the piano.  He thanks Kevin to thank him for forcing him to take a long hard look at himself, and says that it was useful.  Kevin says that he was practicing a song that he wrote.  I’m bracing for impact. 

It’s not horrible actually. It’s a bit confusing.  It starts out as diagetic - Kevin is playing the song with Archie.  Archie who can read music then sits next to him and reads along to the music on the page.  But then suddenly we shift into the Riverdale Musical Episode - this is not the in-universe Archie the Musical performances.  This is Betty the Riverdale Character singing the song that Kevin wrote back to him, so that he gets to have a consolation experience of directing his classmates in a song.   Betty is the first, the comes Veronica, then Choni, Clay, and then to my surprise, lots of unexpected couplings:

Midge and Fangs, singing a little duet portion and entering together are followed by Jughead and Ethel (ETHELHEAD! ETHELHEAD????)  singing as a duet who enter the music room together!    Reggie, Julian and Dilton are the next cluster.  Kevin starts weeping as all his classmates look fondly at him while they serenade him with his own song.  These are extremely kind people, to give Kevin this present though he has shown them that he thinks all of them are beneath him and was pretty shitty to them throughout the musical production process.  They even give him a group hug. 

Jughead is again the one that pops out. He’s sincerely singing this song to Kevin, along with everyone else, and his demeanor is full of sympathy.  He looks like a completely different person than the one maniacally, ragefully performing “Jughead as Written by the Misogynist Gay Duo” at the start of the show.

And may I just ask one question please - Why is Veronica able to forgive Kevin’s reductive view of all women and her in particular when she found it absolutely unacceptable in Jughead?  WHY?

Uhhh, can Julian please sing all the songs and dance every dance please from here on out?? 

I still hate Kevin, by the way, even though he’s in pain from his parents’ mysterious divorce.

And Julian Blossom singing Archie going Left/ Archie going right is A FUCKING EARWORM and it’s ringing in my head even now.

[variousqueerthings]

Hi!

I’m currently watching Doctor Who (2005) for the first time. Just finished season 4.

And I just read your post from last October (?), where you state that you dislike the character River Song. And even though this might sound a bit mean, I was so happy to read that I’m not alone in my strange aversion against this character from the very moment she appeared in the Library episode. Similar to you I just don’t like the fact, that one of the companions is getting this kind of super special treatment, especially when it is interwoven with a romance and even marriage.

Now I’m a bit apprehensive to start with season 5, because I know River Song will be a huge part of the plot... Is it possible to skip her episodes or would I get problems to follow the overarching story line, when doing so?

Something else I noticed and wanted to ask about is the fact that River Song only appeared in the TV series up to and including season 9 (according to the tardis wiki). I know there are many other kinds of media she appears in after 2015. But I’m curious if they indeed dropped the character in the TV show in some way after a couple of seasons?

So far I enjoyed Doctor Who immensely. It is a fun watch, a great opportunity to get lost in strange worlds and, on a more personal level, a nice way to relax after a busy workday. So I just don’t want to ruin this experience for myself, because I have to follow a character/ or a character construct I really don’t like.

And please don’t worry about giving away future plot points. At this point it is better for my enjoyment of the story to know what will happen, at least in regards to River Song.

SoooOOOoooooeeew hello first of all hello hi! welcome to Doctor Who! (I say, if you've seen s1-4/specials you're firmly In It!)

I want to disclaim to begin with, I know a lot of people do like River Song, and would rec seeing her narrative to understand her whole... Deal. I'm personally not a fan of that narrative, but I'll give you a rundown of it below and if you decide you wanna give it a looksee, or a partial watch, there are suggestions for some episodes including her below as well

to allay your fears that she's overpowering/unavoidable, she's kind of shockingly not, considering what M*ffat seemed to want from her. you can pretty much excise her episodes from the plot and miss almost nothing (and I let you know what you do miss below)

the seasons she's in the most are s5+6. she's only in two episodes in s7 and one more in s9 (with none in s8), which ironically does make it feel even odder to me that she's presented the way she is in s4. I know in the audio dramas she does meet other Doctors but in main canon on the show she meets 10 once, 11 a few times, and 12 once. compared to characters like the Master, Jack, even Rose and Clara according to M*ffat's own canon (these are episodes you will see, so you'll know what I mean at that point) she just doesn't compute for me as this "Most Important" thing that M*ffat tries to pull, in which her "specialness" feels incredibly linked to amatornormative monogamy (and generally M*ffat's penchant for introducing women as mysteries first, and characters second). Also in s5+6 especially she's presented as this uncomfortably "femme fatale" type character with dialogue that makes me want to claw my face off

I do have a watchlist that's for when I next go into this era that does skip the River Song episodes (that being said, I actually quite like her last episode. I have a theory that Peter Capaldi is such a grounding presence that over-the-top narrative and terrible dialogue is made emotionally resonant to me)

SO, first things first, I'll give you a rundown of her arc, and then a watchlist of how I intend to enjoy s5-7 moving forwards that you can totally follow

River Song canon (in brief): River Song is the child of Amy Pond (fifth/sixth season companion) and her husband Rory (also companion in those two seasons). Because she is conceived in the Tardis, she has some regeneration energy innate to her (I wasn't a fan of that personally). Before she is born a space cult that's obsessed with the Doctor for truly overblown reasons that are never fully delved into, but can be summed up as "Gallifrey is un-destroyed and the Doctor has the ability to bring it back into the Universe by using a passcode that's his name, and so this cult has formed in order to stop the Doctor discovering this fact and uttering his name," kidnaps Amy, replaces her with a flesh double who has Amy's memories, erases her knowing she's pregnant and then have her wake up in her real body at the moment of giving birth (if this all feels violating af, yes it is and it's never addressed)

then the Doctor and Rory go to rescue her, but in the moment they succeed, they discover that the baby Amy is holding is also a flesh double and the evil cult took her daughter/River from her and... *sigh please know I am only saying this because it's how they describe it on the show* "raise her to be the perfect psychopath" whose only wish is to kill the Doctor (all this training or whatever happens offscreen), but then the Doctor almost dies while saving her life and she gives up her regenerations to save him and the obsession turns into love, and so in summary her following the Doctor around is still centred around being groomed to be obsessed with the ground the Doctor walks on (okay can you tell I really really don't like this)

there is no examination of River's trauma in all of this, and only one moment related to Amy being angry she couldn't raise her child. There's also this creepy overtone of "The Doctor can't see you ageing because then he'll get bored of you" considering she was raised to have her whole selfhood revolve around him throughout her entire childhood

the final thing about River Song is that she was held in a top-security prison for awhile because she did end up killing the Doctor due to being "programmed" to, but the Doctor knows ahead of time that this will happen and so manages to change things so he doesn't die

SO that is River Song's arc in s5+6. now let's completely avoid it -- it's surprisingly easy:

s5

ep 1. The Eleventh Hour (introduction episode)

ep 2. The Beast Below

[then come episodes Time Of Angels + Flesh & Stone. a double episode in which Amy meets the Angels and also River Song. the important thing here is that the main "mystery" are cracks in space and time that erase you from having ever existed. the other important thing here is that at the end of the episode Amy is about to get married and kisses the Doctor/tries to sleep with him the night before her wedding, and the Doctor Very Much Does Not Want This, which leads into the next story-]

ep 5. The Vampires Of Venice

ep 6. Amy's Choice

[NOW WE ARRIVE AT THE FIRST SNAG -- if you want the rest of this season's mystery, you should simply watch the rest of the season. This will include River Song in the final two episodes being involved in that mystery, but if you'd rather jump to where I personally think things get interesting again, or gauge if you're up for it, here's the short rundown of salient points:

Rory is swallowed by the cracks in time and Amy forgets his existence (but the Doctor doesn't)

Rory is brought back as an auton/living plastic out of Amy's subconscious memory of him and accidentally shoots Amy due to programming while they're in Roman-era Britain

Amy is then put into a stasis chamber for 2000 years until she can be brought back out and revived using modern technology, and auton-Rory guards that stasis chamber for 2000 years

the cracks in time came from the Tardis exploding, which is making the universe implode, but they fix that

the Doctor closes the cracks in space/time and everything is reset, including Amy's parents returning from non-existence, and Amy and Rory get married -- to be clear, we never see Amy's parents again, nor are they mentioned in the future, so this catharsis is kind of irrelevant

There is a very famous episode in this called "Vincent and the Doctor." it's about Vincent van Gogh. the only thing you need to know going in is that during this point in the timeline Amy doesn't know that Rory used to exist, otherwise it's a solid standalone episode]

S6

ep 3. The Curse Of The Black Spot (to note, I always think this episode makes more sense directly after Amy's Choice as a "they're not married yet, but they're solving their relationship issues now," because s5 never has them adequately deal with their relationship issues, but s6 is solid on that front, but that's just me)

ep 4. The Doctor's Wife

ep 9. Night Terrors (to note, this episode takes place right after they discover that River is their daughter who was stolen from them. notice how this just... never comes up)

ep 10. The Girl Who Waited

ep 11. The God Complex (to note, this is the perfect final episode for the Ponds, but I will rec two more that come next season)

Season six can genuinely just be watched as these five episodes and it's quite an enjoyable season. The only thing that hints properly at a connective tissue related to River Song is that Amy in the first two both is-and-isn't-pregnant (because Amy is a flesh-double in the first two episodes) according to the Tardis scanner, and she sometimes sees a mysterious woman with an eye-patch. this is her briefly slightly waking up while captured

neither of these are relevant to the episodes they appear in

s7

QUICK NOTE: in the first episode of this season the Doctor discovers a strange woman who has been turned into a Dalek, called Oswin. He never sees the face of this woman, but we do, and it's someone who returns again in another lifetime, under the name of "Clara Oswald" -- I do not recommend this first episode, it is Very Very bad)

4. The Power Of Three (to note, this could form a good coda for the Pond narrative and it's a fun episode, but it's not necessary to end their story if you're happy with The God Complex finishing things)

[you can watch episode 5 "The Angels Take Manhatten" if you want (I mean, you can watch anything you want). it's the official canon departure of the Ponds. it's not great, but it's not the worst episode. River Song is there, but it's not so egregious in terms of writing. if you don't want to watch it: they go back in time, there are angels, they send Rory and Amy back in time and the Doctor can't follow them there because of squiggly wuiggly logic, and so they are left to "live to death" -- Amy writes the Doctor a goodbye note in which she says she and Rory have had a very happy life together]

we have now gone past the River Song narrative for the most part, although she turns up in a genuinely not bad cameo in the s7 finale that interacts a little bit with the library episode -- do note that at this point she and the Doctor are *sigh* married I guess. I have mixed feelings about the s7 finale episodes, but it's not because of her character, and I think the latter half of s7 is worth watching for you to form your own opinion of all of it

She appears again in the Christmas special of s9, which I quite enjoyed. I think also Alex Kingston has way better chemistry with Capaldi, and I sometimes think the show knew this too, because they literally at one point had her describing Eleven/Matt Smith as looking like a 14 yr old, which is... such an odd way to describe the seeming "love of your life" or whatever

so that's it for River Song. Hope this all made sense, let me know if you have any other questions

I have a separate list I'm developing like this for Clara's era, but she might be more your cup of tea, so I'll let you engage with her for yourself to gauge. Can always reach out if you're not quite vibing with her, or if you really really are, I'd love to know your thoughts!

[hypermania]

I stopped watching the walking dead at the end of season 8 and only know what happens after that from seeing other people post about it when it was airing and there was so much negativity so it’s really interesting to see you watching it now and seeming to have mostly positive thoughts. Do you think watching it after the fact helped or am I totally misreading your feelings? 

this is a very funny ask to receive because i feel like all i've done is complain about how bad the show became starting around 7x01 but apparently all of my complaining has been confined to other spaces haha. i do, however, think that not having to wait and watch week-to-week helped me get through it and enjoy it more than i would've if i'd still been watching it live, but even the ability to binge it can't fix what i think are the show's three fatal flaws:

1. negan—i know this is an unpopular opinion but negan is one of the worst things to happen to the show. he takes up so much space and energy and yet the show never fully commits to actually doing anything with him. in s7 they literally bashed us over the head with his villainy and it was boring. his monologues were supposed to be menacing; they were supposed to make us scared to find out what he was capable of, but all they really turned out to be were long and corny and so fucking frequent that you couldn't help but tune out. i didn't need to hear him monologue about being an asshole to know he was cruel. i got that perfectly fine from his actions and the actions of the people who worked for him.

and he was cruel, in a way no other villain on the show was, but the show so desperately wanted to keep jdm around that they shot themselves in the foot by trying to pull back on the cruelty. yeah sure negan will bash several people's brains out with a baseball bat just for fun in front of a child but he would never lay a finger on that child. no, no, he didn't threaten the kid. he was just bonding with him.

yeah sure negan will force women's hands so that they feel there's no other option than to marry him and therefore sleep with him but he'll kill a blatant rapist. don't you get it? he's evil and you should fear him (but forget all that because he's totally redeemable).

yeah sure he'll help burn hilltop to the ground but don't you see he's actually on your side. like?? it's not nuance or moral complexity or shades of gray. it's just bad writing so that jdm can stick around, despite there being zero reason for negan to still be around. negan is responsible for so much damage and loss of life (and loss of potential in the form of community building) that it is unconscionable to me that he can ever show his face among any of the survivors. he wasn't a compelling villain and he's somehow an even less compelling reluctant ally. let maggie kill him already. at least there'd be a little catharsis in that.

2. rapid world expansion—this is difficult because long-running shows need world expansion to keep from becoming stale and repetitive but you have to strike a balance between expanding the sandbox and straight up changing the sandbox. i think the show did a really good job of opening up the world in the first six seasons. everything up to and including alexandria felt real and grounded in the world that they had established. in atlanta (and the outskirts of) they were such a small group and operating within such a limited amount of space that it made sense whenever they came across new places and/or new people (the farm, the prison, woodbury, grady memorial, terminus, etc). and then making the pilgrimage up to dc and finding alexandria all made sense as well. they spent time establishing what alexandria was and how it came to be.

but that explanation relied heavily on the idea that alexandria was isolated (i mean, aaron had to go out and travel just to recruit people ffs). so when you then add in the kingdom, hilltop, the saviors, the scavengers, oceanside, etc. you're saying, "actually there is a giant interwoven network of communities all around that somehow just magically never crossed paths with alexandria, not even when they were dealing with the gigantic horde that should've threatened all of them." and it makes no sense. and then add to that the commonwealth, the whisperers, and whatever the fuck the crm is. it's just too much. and none of those places they added in are ever really established in any meaningful way, with any real connection to our protagonists.

the commonwealth is the worst example of this. it's a a community of fifty-thousand people, most of whom seem to be completely out of touch with the reality of the apocalypse, and it's never really explained how. how do they keep walkers out? how do they have plumbing? how do they have electricity? how is noise not an issue? where is the food coming from? the weapons and ammunition? what were they doing with the train cars at the beginning because it seems like actually they accept everyone? why were they so suspicious? none of it's ever explained past a few comments and vague allusions here and there. they just plucked us out of the zombie apocalypse and plopped us into a dystopian society and said, "have fun at your new playground!" and i'm sorry but i'm not having fun. this is not the playground i signed up for.

3. rapid cast expansion—this one goes hand in hand with the world expansion. the show needs to add in new characters to replace departing characters and to introduce new and fresh dynamics but it's important that those characters matter in relation to their connection to the found family the show's been establishing for 5+ seasons. in my opinion, the last time the show successfully added new characters to the group was when they introduced abraham, rosita, and eugene (*there's a notable exception of 1.5 characters to this but i'll get to that in a second).

it's not that i don't like any of the characters they add after that, it's that none of them feel like family. none of them ever feel fully integrated into the group or fully realized as character in their own right. they're just... there. i like ezekiel and enid and jerry and princess and connie etc but they just don't matter. they're just people who also exist. the thread that ties them to the group i care about is a shared living space and desire to survive, not anything they've actually been through together. and that's kind of stupid because they've been through a lot together (fighting the saviors, building their communities, the whisperers, the stuff at the commonwealth, etc). it just doesn't feel like it because they're all so spread out geographically (due to the rapid world expansion) and because their connections aren't really to the family, but to the communities at large. and that doesn't work on a character-driven show.

*the exceptions to this are, in my opinion, dwight and maybe jesus. dwight is the only later seasons character that the show puts any effort into actually making me root for. some of that's because he starts out as an antagonist and therefore has to redeem himself but a lot of it is because he does actually redeem himself. i understand why he did everything horrible he did in the first place and i sympathize with it, but then i also watched him put his own life on the line over and over and over again simply because it was the right thing to do. dwight was held more accountable for his actions than any other single character in the history of the entire freaking show and despite proving himself, they still send him away just so they don't have to look at his face. and i know it was because he was going over to FTWD but damn does that suck because he's one of the only later seasons characters that actually feels fully developed.

i have some thoughts about jesus as a character and why he feels more fully integrated and realized than, say, gabriel or aaron but they're still very jumbled so i'm not going to get into it right now.

anyway, the point is that there are all these characters that the show is telling me matter and are important to my characters but they don't ever give me a reason to believe that beyond the fact that they just all happen to be on the same side.

so. yeah. i don't like the show anywhere near as much as it probably seems like i do and those three issues are the main reasons why. i have smaller gripes too (eugene never being held accountable for anything ever, rosita dying, michonne leaving her children, etc) but they're not structural issues, you know?

and despite having said all of this, i immediately started rewatching as soon as i got to the end because i do really love the found family of it all.

[becomingpart2]

why do you think cordy ended up being such a better character than caroline? they’re both mean girl characters but i like cordy way better (though i hate c*ngel)

Ohh that is an interesting question. My first instinct is to go with an obvious answer that we usually don't like acknowledging: bias. At least for me I know that played a huge factor. I have no real explanation for why I like certain mean girl characters more than others. Characters like Cordelia, Ruby Mathews from Sex Education or even Jackie from Yellowjackets are all popular mean girls (some more than others) that can grab my interest while others like Regina George invoke PTSD-like responses in me lmao

This ended up being huge so...

Speaking about those two characters in particular, Cordelia and Caroline are similar characters that occupied similar positions in their respective narratives. They also have similar personalities but while both of them are "vain" and have no filter, I think Caroline was always more "vulnerable" and "whiny" than Cordelia. Cordelia didn't show her vulnerability very often; when she did, we viewers were the only ones privy to it. She also didn't put her "failings" on anyone's account, the times she did accuse anyone, it was often Buffy, but those accusations were always so ridiculous that it was hard to take it seriously. I don't think they were ever to be taken seriously. And that's one of the things that made her more "palatable", imo, the obvious humorous tone in the way she acted and the things she said. I know people that do take her seriously and don't like her for those very reasons but honestly I never could. I think those things made her a fun character to have around.

Caroline, on the other hand, was meant to be taken seriously at least to some extent. We were supposed to empathize with her struggles living in Elena's shadow. So I think that's one of the main differences between them that could make people like one more than the other.

Even after both of them become "rehabilitated" by their narratives, I can still see Cordelia taking a more independent, leadership role in ATS; she often challanged Angel's ideas, she fought for respect when she felt she wasn't getting much from him, and she basically had her own life separated from him. When cangel started being a thing, there wasn't any manipulative 'uwu poor me' tactics from any party to get with the other, which is a big thing for me.

Caroline's independent phase didn't last longer than S3. Her character became very man-focused after that: a Stefan cheerleader in S4; then she was possessive and jealous of him when they weren't even a thing in S5; then there was the whole manipulative, guilt-tripping story in S6*. Her story with Klaus also didn't help her image and made her look like a big hypocrite in relation to everything she stood for and relentlessly preached (not to mention how unfair she was to Tyler through it all). It didn't help that both fandom and show seem to hold her to such a high level, almost as the protagonist of the show who could do no wrong while the actual protagonist was so relegated and shitted on.

One thing one could say Caroline had over Cordelia is that she got to be a more complicated (?), successful (??) character in the end. Cordelia suffered a lot from the misogyny in ATS, while Caroline kinda thrived on it.

But ANYWAY lol I think those are a few reasons that make Cordelia be a much more likeable character to me. Some of these are flat-out my own bias, some others have some canon justification (but still, rely on my bias in some extent) lol

*I didn't watch S7 or S8, so I can't speak for those.

[varietysky]

hmmm actually season 3 is Ugly and not just bc of the drama

[kittydemon9000]

SO MERLOPIAN KAI PART 2 ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

So, with Kalmaar, he ofc immediately goes to his parents about his feeling, slightly placing his revenge on hold. They are...dubious about it, but Maya raises the point of how there has never been a human/merlopian hybrid before, and from what Ray has told them about having two EM parents it’s possible for Kai to have some water abilities himself, which could be what gave Kalmaar his feeling. So, they agree to look into it.

Moving on..... Uh. Kai doesn’t have a fun time in S6, as briefly as he’s there. You see, Nahdakahn knows exactly what buttons to press and is able to get Kai into a panicked state where he, on the verge of a panic attack and mental breakdown, just says “I wish that I could just be normal! I wish I could just go home! I wish I could be with dad and mom and father and Kal and Bentho and Nya!!!”

The “normal” comment comes from how they weren’t able to completely hide Kai’s heritage since yeah, there were other people on the boat who saw him. That and he also tried a lot less to keep it hidden. And because some humans are assholes, he has to deal with that.

So ofc, Nahdakahn interprets it in the worst ways and as two wishes. Kai is now a full human yes….but was also sent to where the fish fam currently were……which just so happened to be at the bottom of the ocean.

So yeah, double trauma for both groups. Kai got to experience what drowning felt like, and his fam was essentially forced to watch him die since there was nothing they could do. They were too far under to take him to the surface and too far from the palace to take him there.

But dw, it gets even worse.

You see, the whole reason Nahdakahn is being this malicious about Kai’s wishes is because he learned that Kai was the reason the Preeminent was destroyed, thereby destroying Djinjago.

Nahdakahn is then able to do a “oh? Is this not what you wanted? I thought you wished to be normal.” Which ofc sounds really bad since it’s in front of his family. “But, I understand. You grow tired of the stares in the street, how they whisper behind you back about what you are. Not human, not merlopian, not normal. Just a freak masquerading as one of them.”

This ofc supremely pisses off the fam. Like, weapons drawn ready to commit murder.

But then Nahdakahn stop them with a “ah ah ah, I wouldn’t do that if I were you. After all, I am the only way your son has a chance at living. So go ahead. Make a wish.”

Trimaar ends up being the one to do it, and is smart enough to know this uh will twist it in anyway he can so says. “I wish for Kai to be sent safely to the surface without harm done upon him.”

Blah blah blah, your wish is yours to keep, Trimaar realizing “wait there’s a lot that could be interpreted” but too late BAM now Kai’s kinda stuck on the Misfortune’s Keep.

And he....generally has a pretty bad time. Think Jay but this time it’s personal.

However, Kai’s appearance had Trimaar get the Merlopian army and start heading to the surface. The remaining ninja have a brief moment of “are you kidding me two enemies at once” before learning that this is Kai’s lost family and they’re here to help.

So now the ninja have a whole ass fish army to help them, plus a very protective, very angry fish family.

But for the rest of canon, the only difference is that when they’re leaving Tiger Widow Island, Nya gets snatched along with Jay(who was taken because he hadn’t used his wish yet) and they aren’t stuck on the island, and then later that Kai gets sucked into the sword when the ninja launch their rescue mission.

But yeah, it gets all Un-Happened by Jay’s wish(which at seeing Kai physically hurt and being emotionally torn apart at his baby sister dying, wished that none of this ever happened and that Nahdakahn was never found), only like canon Nya and Jay still remember what happens.

Nya is now firmly on team Kai Is Alive and tells her parents everything about what happened and the wish Jay made, and more importantly where Kai is.

Unfortunately, they need to take some time and prepare. Trimaar and Maya have been doing their best over the years to open the populace possibly making bonds with the humans, but now it’s finally happening. They can’t just go up there out of no where, since from what Nya has told them 1) most humans don’t even know they exist and 2) in the past few years they have been subject of many attacks, mostly from non-humans, so they need to make sure the humans understand they don’t mean any harm.

So DotD happens, then the beginnings of S7 :)

Right out, Kai never liked the museum curator. Up to that point he’d only ever caught fleeting glimpse of him but something about him Kai just despised. As a result, he also visited the museum as scarcely as possible, and thus didn’t notice a very interesting painting containing a two very strange figures.

When he learns his name was Dr.Saunders.....things don’t go well.

It happened when Kai brought the helmet with his dad’s symbol on it. As much as he disliked the curator, he was the most likely to be able to recognize what kind of helmet it was.

Then in his anger he gets himself captured.

He’s taken to a special cell lined with vengestone and has guards around the clock, and Krux takes extra care to make sure Kai doesn’t know where Ray is.

ofc it’s around this time that the Merlopians arrive and express their wishes for a possible alliance between their two races. Unfortunately they showed up at literally the worst time, and double unfortunately the people in charge of diplomacy decide to bring some of the ninja in as an extra precaution because of the villains have been running around.

So the people who join the meeting are Lloyd and Jay from the ninja(they would’ve brought Kai but he hasn’t returned from his missions yet and isn’t answering their calls) as well as some police officers and from the Merlopians is the whole royal family plus a few guards.

Both Jay and Nya have a silent moment of staring at each other since “I know and I’m not sure you know but I think you know but I don’t want to say anything since you might not”

And just as they’re about to start, The Time Twins attack. Because why the hell not.

They’re actually able to hold them off for a while, but unfortunately there are too many Vermillion. Then Kalmaar whips out his Water Powers which causes him to get kidnapped since they need both Fire and Water masters for the blade.

While they’re recovering, Lloyd then gets a panicked call from Zane saying that he checked the museum footage and Kai has been captured. The gets overheard by the royal family, and then Lloyd asks why they looked so upset at which they learn(sans Jay since wish) that Kai is royalty. The eldest son actually, and thus first in line for the throne, as well as being presumed dead for the past five years.

So basically Krux has kidnapped the King and Queen’s husband, the crown prince, and the second in line prince(if anyone knows a more fancy term for this please let me know)

Maya, Trimaar, Nya and Benthomaar are not happy. Not with the Ninjagian people, no they’re fine, but they’re bout ready to murder Krux, and they don’t even know about Ray yet.

So they offer any help they can.

Zap back to how Kai and Kalmaar are doing.

Kalmaar is….kind feral tbh. Like, he’s biting, clawing, trying to strangle them with his tentacles, and before they got vengestone cuffs on him was trying very hard to drown anyone.

Ofc, this does little to the Vermillion and soon Kalmaar finds himself in the cell right next to Kai’s. He’s overjoyed to see his brother again, albeit upset that this is why.

They both reluctantly come to the conclusion that there isn’t much they can do at the moment, and there are many Vermillion guards right outside their cells, so they decide to start catching up.

And for pretty much the rest of the season canon is pretty much the same, just shuffle around the characters a bit and add a protective Fish Fam. 

Though their little trip back in time is quite sight for the Past EMs, especially because of how Kalmaar is using his powers, which leaves Kai mostly stuck in his Fish Form. This time they don’t even bother trying to explain, just give instructions on how to defeat the Vermillion and jumping into the battle. 

And I mean just imagine that from the EMs perspective. An enemy you thought you defeated just returned with a giant metal creature and an army of snake things that don’t look like any kind of Serpentine they’d ever seen. Then a shark person and squid person??? show up and not only do they know how to fight the snake things but they also seem to be Elemental Masters???? Despite the fact Ray is very much alive and they didn’t even know there was a Water EM. Then the two not only summon dragons but they also fuse their dragons into an even bigger one with two heads.

And then all of them disappear into the sky without a trace.

W i l d

But yeah, after that it calms down quite a bit. Kai spends the time skip before S8 reconnecting with his family and his dad, and through some tech courtesy of Borg they're able to bring Ray with them :D

And Kai actually goes to meet the Jade Royal Family since y’know. He’s the crown prince. He’s kinda important and legitimately forgot about it. Luckily Kalmaar is able to help coach Kai through it, but is also a bit smug about how he finally has something to teach to his older brother. Kai was actually the one who suggested asking the ninja for help protecting the mask.....but we know how that inevitably ends.

Bentho, Kal and Nya were actually on the ship for this particular adventure, and then Nya and Bentho were dragged along when they got sent to the First Realm. Bentho, despite being the youngest sibling and to the surprise of literally everyone, was actually really good with kids and spent the most time with Little Wu, right behind Cole.

But yeah S9......Nya and Bentho have a really bad time in the First Realm beause of the heat, but at least they don’t get captured. Kai on the other hand....

Yeah at some point he gets accidentally splashed with water and well.....it definitely doesn’t help with the Oni accusations. The Dragon Hunters decide to burn him along with the Wind Dragon, which moves up their Build Our Own Dragon time table.

After they escape Faith is actually pretty chill about the whole fish thing, but she does ask a lot of questions. 

And then S10..... kinda the same. They end up dropping off as many people as they can with the Merlopians since the smoke can’t reach them.

I might make a Part 3 for the rest of the seasons, but yeah. this is where we’re at.

[thegeminisage]

birthday meta for the birthday boy <3

[this version of the meta is behind a cut. if you’d prefer the no-cut version, it’s here.]

a fun little fanon from Ye Olde Days of spn (when seasons 1-5 were airing) was that sam always had the absolute worst birthdays. a big part of this is because sam’s birthday is in may. supernatural tends to align itself with “real time,” meaning that they like to use either the date the episode was filmed or the date it aired as the in-universe date, even when two canon dates conflict each other. (they’re so intent on doing this that they pretended the gap years between s5 & s6 and s7 & s8 right out of existence - season openers also usually tend to pick up right after season finales in-universe but still somehow be set several months later.) that means sam’s birthday tends to line up with the airdates on either season finales or episodes right before the finales, which means that every time sam gets a year old, shit hits the fan. 

here’s a list of things that did happen or could have happened on some of sam's birthdays:

0-22: we don’t have much in the way as far as concrete dates go for preseries stuff, but it’s perfectly possible sam walked out all that bullshit the day he turned 18, even if i prefer to think he left at age 19 as that aligns rather tragically with some adam-related canon.

23: we don’t have any dates for the end of s1/opening of s2 either, but it’s likely that sam’s birthday took place between 1.20 (dead man’s blood) and 2.01 (in my time of dying). he could have been doing anything from hunting vampires to saving one of YED’s special children to almost shooting his possessed father to getting hit by a semi to using a ouija board to talk to his not-quite-dead brother.

24: here’s where the real fun starts >:) sam died in cold oak in 2.21 (all breaks loose pt 1) and in the episode he says he’s 23. but according to the lore (extra-canonical material), dean made the deal to bring him back on his 24th birthday...

25: ...which means that on his 25th birthday, he was forced to watch dean get dragged to hell...

25b: ...except that sam had TWO 25th birthdays, because mystery spot took place in february, and sam lived in an alternate timeline where dean stayed dead for 6 months, putting him well past may 2nd. which meant that the first time he turned 25, he was actually getting tortured by gabriel. while his brother was getting tortured (or torturing someone else) in hell.

26: 4.20 (the rapture) took place in very late april/very early may (the wiki says may 3, but that’s just a guess), and 4.21 (when the levee breaks) picks up immediately where it left off. so it’s not only plausible but EXTREMELY LIKELY that sam was locked up in the panic room suffering withdrawals when he turned 26, dude

26b: ...except that in 11.17 (safe house), bobby and rufus’s half of the episode presumably takes place at the same time during season 4, and he mentions sam and dean are in reno?? so you know they could have been doing that instead.

27: we have no hard and fast dates for the end of season 5, but it’s my personal headcanon that sam’s birthday took place during 5.22 (swan song), and he beat the devil and leapt into hell on the day he turned 27 - because at this point, why not. however, his birthday could also have taken place during either 5.20 (the devil you know) or 5.21 (two minutes to midnight), meaning he was reconfronting his old college pal who turned out to be a demon brady, or helping bobby and a human cas destroy the factory with the croatoan virus.

28: there’s a gap year between s5 and s6, so sam’s 28th birthday took place while he was soulless, hunting with the campbell family...

28b: ...except spn likes to say “a year passed” without adding one to the calendar, so sam ALSO had a 28th birthday during the airing of s6. there’s some conflicting information about s6′s timeline, so this could have happened anywhere from 6.18 (frontierland) to 6.21 (let it bleed). sam could have been doing anything from time traveling to fighting eve to grappling with cas going dark side to rescuing lisa and ben.

29: sam’s 29th birthday almost definitely took place during 7.20 (the girl with the dungeons and dragons tattoo), during which he met charlie. in case you’ve forgotten, that was actually a great day for him - in a moment of true little brother antics and justifiable homophobia, he got to laugh at dean gay flirting with the security guard.

30: there was another gap year between s7 and s8, which means that sam spent the big three-oh with amelia richardson while dean and cas were in purgatory. he got to have a picnic!

30b: ...but since spn ignores gap years, sam ALSO had a 30th birthday during s8 (a big season for him). there isn’t an exact date for the episodes leading up to the finale, which takes place in late may, after sam’s birthday, so his birthday could have taken place in either 8.21 (the great escapist), where he nearly died of his trial-induced fever and confessed to dean that he always felt unclean, or during 8.22 (clip show), where he met sarah blake again after nearly a decade, only to have her die right in front of him.

31: the s9 timeline is pretty vague, but the best guess for this one is 9.18 (meta fiction), in which sam finally gets to confront gadreel, the angel who possessed him and killed kevin with his hands

32: the s10 timeline is also short on dates, so sam’s birthday could have taken place anywhere between 10.16 (paint it black) and 10.21 (dark dynasty). a few possible things sam could have been doing: dealing with a hunt involving soulless people, helping cas and bobby break metatron out of heaven’s prison, catching up with charlie and giving rowena the book of the damned, battling the cursed werther house (don’t click that unless you’ve seen the episode, the twist is TOO good), reuniting claire with her mom, or building charlie’s pyre.

33: the last quarter or so of s11 happens really quickly sequentially, every episode picking up soon after the last one left off, which means that sam’s birthday either took place at the very end of the season or the beginning of s12. it’s most likely he turned 33 either the day dean saved the sun and sam himself got shot and kidnapped by toni bevell, or a few days later when he was being held captive and tortured in her basement.

34: unfortunately, sam’s 34th birthday almost definitely took place during 12.21 (there’s something about mary). i was really hoping it’d be 12.22 so he could be kicking the bmol’s asses, learning lucifer was back, and hugging mary, but no...instead he was mostly likely learning that ketch had had eileen killed. 

35: because of some weird canon, the timeline for season 13 is actually batshit insane and makes no sense whatsoever, which means sam’s birthday is really early this season - either during 13.17 (the thing) where he rescues his brother from a frisky tentacle monster or 13.18 (bring ‘em back alive) where he hangs out with gabriel and cas in the bunker. since that’s garbage, you’d be forgiven for ignoring canon and pretending sam’s birthday fell on one of the following episodes - 13.19 (funeralia) is very touching, as he and rowena clash and then make up with each other; 13.21 (beat the devil) has sam capturing lucifer, then dying and getting revived and captured by him; 13.22 has sam getting a little revenge by leaving lucifer for dead; 13.23, of course, has lucifer finally dying for good.

36: there’s no dates whatsoever on the back half of s14, so theoretically sam’s birthday could take place in any episode after 14.13 (lebanon). the likeliest and COOLEST candidate is for sam to turn 36 during 14.20, in which he shoots god himself point blank. other admittedly inferior  scenarios include his stint as justin the 50s househusband, mary’s death, or putting jack in the ma’lak box.

37: we saw this birthday happen onscreen during 15.14 (last holiday) at a party thrown by mrs. butters. unfortunately, not too long after that, she wound up torturing him by pulling out his fingernails.

38: that’s this year! because the timeline of s15 is also so weird and vague, partially fucked up by covid changing the shooting/airing times, and because sam’s birthday is SO early in s15, it’s possible that he has another one this season, right at the end, or maybe post-canon, which means............................................

...................................................that he’s spending it with dean and jack and the newly revived eileen and cas, in the bunker or somewhere else he feels safe and loved :)

happy birthday, sam winchester <3 after all the unhappy ones...u deserve it

[spn masterpost]

[ambiguousdisorderken]

in your expert opinion what are some of the most destiel-heavy episodes of spn? i stopped watching around season 7 and have no interest in engaging w the plot of the show at all but i’m in the mood for some gay yearning ykwim

Hi anon! Thank you for reaching out to me about this, I’m, no-joke, very flattered. I’d seen a couple posts on this same question, very thorough and detailed lists on Destiel-centric episodes, but at the moment I cannot find any of them, that would’ve answered your request much faster. So, in advance, sorry, my reply is probably coming in extremely late, but I did write this from scratch, so yeah.

Even though storylines in SPN can be very shitty and hollow, I do feel that to get the full Destiel experience -that long-drawn yearning- one would have to watch the entirety of the show, even if Cas isn’t in the episode or if there’s no explicit mention of their relationship/bond because it gives you a better understanding of them as characters and of how their relationship affects the narrative.

Now, you mentioned you stopped around S7, which is completely understandable and justified given the Dick plot game was very weak and, in my opinion, annoying (so little Cas!). I’m going to start listing from S7 in case you want to refresh your SPN before jumping straight into unseen episodes. Also, since you mentioned no interest in the plot and are specifically craving those sweet crumbs of gay yearning, I’ll skip most one-sided / too subtle episodes and cut to the chase.

Lastly, I hate spoiling things, but you’ve probably seen it all on Tumblr. I tried to keep the episodes’ descriptions short, as it might come in useful. Stuck to key words, quotes and/or little comments.

 Season 7

7x01 – Meet the New Boss: Godstiel, sincere apology. Cas: “I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you.”

7x02 – Hello, Cruel World: Mourning. Trench coat melancholy. The heart-wrenching eulogy: “Dumb son of a bitch.”

7x17 – The Born-Again Identity: Emmanuel!Cas, reunion, longing, hurt.

7x21 – Reading is Fundamental: Honey!Cas, hug, hurt, reunion, that painful SORRY (board game) scene.

7x23 – Survival of the Fittest: Honey!Cas, forgiveness, adorable, wified Cas. Dean hits us with: “Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas!" but also “I'd rather have you, cursed or not.”

Season 8 (this season is so good and Destiel is the driving motor of it, I swear. If you can, watch it complete.)

8x01 – We Need to Talk About Kevin: Dean in Purgatory looking for the angel.  Cas is referred to as “your [Dean’s] angel.”

8x02 – What’s Up, Tiger Mommy?: HUG!!!, Purgatory reunion, face touch, very romantic. Monster: “ You'll find your angel there.” //  Dean: “Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you.”

8x05 – Blood Brother: Cas vs. Benny cat fight lol. Dean: “Cas... we're gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.”

8x07 – A Little Slice of Kevin: Cas comes back from Purgatory, but before that Dean starts seeing him in places. Very tragic; hallucinating your dead significant other trope. Has That boner scene. Dean: “I did everything I could to get you out! EVERYTHING!” Cas helps Dean see what truly happened in Purgatory and not his self-altered memories. PACKED!

8x08 – Hunteri Heroici: Hilarious, romantic, intimate. Dean and Cas have an heart to heart. They actually communicate. Cas “I’ll watch over you.”

8x10 Torn and Frayed: They work a case together, and when I say heart eyes…

8x17 – Goodbye Stranger: THIS. EPISODE. Dean “I need you.”

8x19 – Taxi Driver: Separation. Naomi to Dean: "You're hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty; I only wish he felt the same way."

8x22 – Clip Show: Lack of trust, hurt, tense interactions. Romantic too (basically, Cas gets Dean an apology basket).

8x23 – Sacrifice: Meaningful conversation and a gay couple hit by Cupid parallel. Dean “So this is it? E.T goes home?"

 Season 9

9x01 – I think I’m Gonna Like it Here: Dean prays to Cas IN.A.CHAPEL. Worry, longing, separation. Dean “Please, man, I need you here.”

9x03 – I’m No Angel: Human!Cas and jealous!Dean.

9x06 – Heaven Can’t Wait: Human!Cas TEXT-BOOK LONGING. GAY AS FUCK. Gazing, touching, they even TALK (for real).

9x09 – Holy Terror: Adorable Cas, flirty vibes, happyish, funny. Cas: “Cas is back in town!”

9x10 – Road Trip: Cas comforts Dean, Cas and Crowley bitching at each other, overall protective!Cas.

9x18 – Metafiction. Cas finds out about the Mark of Cain.

9x21 – King of the Damned: Hug, strong boyfriends vibes.

9x22 – Stairway to Heaven: Cas gives up an entire army, for Dean. Metatron about Cas “He's in love………………………. with humanity.”

9x23  – Do You Believe in Miracles?: At this point, it’s canon stated that Cas will do anything and lose everything if that means saving Dean. Metatron to Cas “You draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right?”

 Season 10

10x01 – Black: Demon!Dean and sick/brokenhearted Cas in a slutty robe missing his man.

10x03 – Soul Survivor: ICONIC. Angel on Demon action! Cas turns down Hannah because he’s too gay and in love. Intimate Deancas talk.

10x05 – Fan Fiction: No Cas, but Destiel references. 

10x09 – The Things We Left Behind: That.Lunch.Date. Deancas introduction to co-parenting.

10x14 – The Executioner’s Song: We get Daddy Murder aka Cain. This is a Pivotal episode to understand Dean’s character development. Plus, it has Deancas interactions.

10x16 – Paint It Black: No Cas, but Dean opens up in confessionary; repressed BISEXUAL AS FUCK.

10x18 – Book of the Damned: Charlie meets Cas. Gay energies everywhere. Cute domestic little scene.

10x20 – Angel Heart: PARENTING! Essential to understand Cas from this point forward.

10x22 – The Prisoner: Just… just watch it. One of THEE Destiel episodes.

10x23 – Brother’s Keeper: No Deancas interactions but it’s the finale, and I recommend watching it because next season takes off literally right from here. No time jumps.

 Season 11

11x02 – Form and Void: Could skip to the very end which is when Cas comes back.

11x03 – The Bad Seed: Cursed!Cas. Dean takes care of him, even wraps him in a blanket. He also cradles his face. Extreme Hurt/Comfort. Jacting joices rejoice.

11x10 – The Devil in the Details: Could skip but has Casifer in it. Interesting to see his dynamic with Dean.

11x18 – Hell’s Angel: Casifer. Dean "It? It's not an it, Sam, it's Cas!"

11x23 – Alpha and Omega: Huggg! Cas willing to go on a guaranteed suicide mission with Dean. Very tender and sad.

 Season 12

12x02 – Keep Calm and Carry On: ANOTHER HUG! Dean presents his boyfriend to his mom<3 Soft and romantic.

12x09 – First Blood: Reunion hug<3, Cas pining… as in he counts his every minute without Dean.

12x10 – Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: Direct parallel with canon couple. Crystal-clear mutual affection. One of the best. Angel Ishim to Cas about Dean “I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna cure you of your human weakness same way I cured my own… by cutting it out.”

12x12 – Stuck in the Middle with You: A dying Cas confesses his love. “I love you. I love all of you.”

12x19 – The Future: We find out Dean gave Cas a MIXTAPE!!! Very romantic and full of yearning, also worry and what could be seen as a betrayal (ish…).

12x23 – All Along the Watch Tower: Hands down, one of the most distressing Destiel episodes. Cas dies.

 Season 13

13x01 – Lost and Found: This is the worst because you have Dean trying to assimilate Cas’ death. Core of Dean’s widow’s arc. Jack introduction, that’s their new kid.

13x02 – The Rising Son: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?).

13x03 – Patience: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?). Dean to Sam “He manipulated him, he made him promises, said, ‘paradise on earth’ and Cas bought it and you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t!”

13x04 – The Big Empty: Continuation of widow’s arc and Cas wakes up in the Empty. The Empty to Cas: "I know who you love. There's nothing for you back there." // Dean to Sam “I need you to keep the faith, for both of us. ‘Cause right now, I… Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.”

13x05 – Advanced Thanatology: Suicidal and hopeless Dean gets his win. Cas comes back. Gives me the chills.

13x06 – Tombstone: COWBOY BOYFRIENDS!

13x14 – Good Intentions: Happy and fun Destiel scene. So Very Married.

13x23 – Let The Good Times Roll: Season finale, Dean talks about retiring (plans include Cas of course) and just very nice to see them interact.

Season 14

14x03 – The Scar: Reunion.

14x08 – Byzantium: Deanand Cas dealing with their child’s death, then bringing him back by Cas making a deal with the Empty. IMPORTANT EPISODE.

14x09 – The Spear: Cas uses the royal We – married behavior.

14x10 – Nihilism: Dean is stuck in his own mind, and Cas and Sam try to bring him back. Cas “Please, you have to -- you have to try to remember, because the people in your life -- in your real life, out there -- we need you to come back.”

14x12 – Prophet and Loss: Dean gets his very own Dr. Sexy, aka Dr. Cas.

14x14 – Ouroboros: Basically another date (their kid tags along) and They TALK. Very intimate and established marriage vibes.

14x18 – Absence: Shits starts to go south. [ Dean: “Who cares what Jack said? We don't know what happened! But I swear, if he did something to her, if she is -- (points to Castiel) Then you're dead to me. (Castiel looks crushed after Dean says that).]

14x20 – Moriah: Tense and very upsetting. Relationship very damaged.

 Season 15 (I would advise watching the entire season because it relies heavily on Destiel. They’re the heart and the emotional motor leading the plot onwards.)

15x01 – Back and To The Future: Deancas’ in the aftermath of their kid’s death. Tension gets worse.

15x02 – Raising Hell: Tension rises, this is very intense. Cas “Dean. You asked, "What about all of this is real?" We are.”

15x03 – The Rupture: Breaking point ends in divorce.

15x06 – Golden Time: Painful phone call which speaks volumes about the current state of their relationship at the time. Also, good to see where they’re standing and how they’re coping.

15x08 – Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven: Strained relationship so obvious they’re offered couples’ therapy.

15x09 – The Trap: MASTERPIECE. Back to Purgatory. Can (and is) taken as Dean’s love confession (because it is). 

15x12 – Galaxy Brain: So married. Little domestic date, you can see LOVE written in their faces.

15x13 – Destiny’s Child: AU!Dean and Sam. Not a yearning episode per se, but AU!Dean? SO GAY.

15x17 – Unity: God reveals that the only act of free will in any universe he ever created has been Cas choosing Dean.

15x18 – Despair: Cas confesses his love to Dean.

[fitzrove]

Endeavour Episode Titles & Obscurity

As I briefly outlined in a previous post, it has really seemed that with every new series of Endeavour, the single words making up episode titles have become less understandable - at least from my second-language English speaker perspective. And it certainly seems so at first glance - I think most everyone knows what Girl means, but what about Deguello or Zenana? :D Granted, it’s a Morse show, so some mythological and musical references are to be expected, but it really seems like things have been getting out of hand lately. Or have they really?

So, I thought I’d do some super-scientific research into this. After a brief survey, which 22 people responded to (thank you!!), I’ve come to the conclusion that reality isn’t quite as simple as “Russ Lewis got more confident to pick increasingly random big words as the series went on, and understandability steadily dropped as a result”. Have a look at this graph I made (and decided to call the Endeavour Episode Title Understandability Average Quotient, or EETUAQ):

The hypothesis does seem to be right on the fact that early series (1, 2) included very understandable words, bringing the average up to over 90% understandability. S3 marks the start of a decline, but the graph jumps back up at S5 (thanks to easy titles like Colours and Passenger, as well as well-known myths and music terms like Icarus) before the descent into non-understandability resumes. That is, if we disregard S8...

More details (such as how the graph came to be) under the cut, since I want this post to be rebloggable XD

So, as I first approached my hypothesis of title understandability dropping as Endeavour went on, I ran into a problem - how to group words into “understandable” and “not understandable”? I first looked into word frequency lists, but that data isn’t available for free for all words, and it also doesn’t take into account how understandable words seem to viewers of the show. Therefore I decided to pick a survey approach instead, asking fans of the show to check-mark all episode titles they understood out of a list. I’d trimmed down the list a little, omitting words I thought everybody would certainly know, such as Prey and Game. This is the result:

After obtaining a “understandability score” ranging from 0 to 100 for each word from these results, I calculated the self-titled “understandability quotient average” (I have no idea what quotient actually means, but I like the word) for each series separately. That is, each series’ “average understandability”: adding up that series’ episode scores and dividing them by the number of episodes. This allowed me to give each series an average understandability value, ranging from 90.9 for S1 and S2 to 42.4 for S7, and draw a graph based on those values. As S8 wasn’t included in the original questionnaire (because I forgot), I roughly extrapolated its values and therefore the average from other words’ understandabilities, considering Flowers and Octave understandable to all (100) and Lazarus as an average between Apollo and Lazaretto’s scores (65.9). Hence the dashed line in the graph XD

Naturally, native speakers (77.3% of respondents) and non-native speakers (22.7% of respondents) of English would have different ideas about what constitutes an understandable title. I found that “Pylon” especially was a point of contention in this regard, as I did not know this word before watching the episode, whereas many native speakers argued it was easy.

Out of interest and desire for “depth” in the survey, I included other “demographic questions” that inquired whether participants had any special knowledge about music, ancient history or mythology, which the show often draws its episode titles from. I also provided an opportunity to explain where else they knew some of the obscurer words from. I thought these insights would be interesting in general, so I’m sharing them here:

I think it’s charming that many people in the fandom are, in some ways, secretly (or not-so secretly) actually Morse. XD The percentage of people with “obscure degrees” (I say this with all the love as a political history student) was especially high in comparison to the general public (40.9%) and I bet that classical music as a hobby isn’t something 60% out of everyone in the world enjoys.

In the free space, many people cited other media (reading the dictionary for fun; science fiction like Stargate SG-1; the game The Arcana; the band Bastille; a love of literature in general, most exemplified by someone who wrote “I just read a lot like a gigantic nerd lol” XDD) and a love of music and mythology for knowing of the more obscure titles. All in all, I think it would be safe to assume that not everyone watching the show has these specific interests that seem to be somewhat disproportionately common in the active, online Endeavour fandom. Therefore, the title understandability scores should be seen as being on the high end, given that the sample consists of word nerds and classical music & mythology aficionados.

I guess I should put some final conclusions here... idk, mostly I really love that the fandom is so nerdy, feels like I’m right at home - and I bet many of the fic writers around have such insight into Morse for a reason ;D

Let me know what you think about these findings! Is Russ Lewis being pretentious with his titles? Does anyone know whether the episodes/episode titles he wrote for Lewis stood out from the rest? Any other stuff to say or add?

[yukipri]

Bad Batch end of season thoughts/ramble, bc it's been a week and I just wanna get it all off my chest...

(end of season spoilers and very disorganized rambling)

First off, I do want to say that I enjoyed watching the show. It fulfilled its primary purpose: entertainment. It was nice having something to look forward to every week, and even though it wasn't quite what I was expecting, it was fun. The animation was gorgeous, I liked all the references and tie ins. I will likely watch it again, and will watch season 2. This is by no means meant to be a hate post.

That being said, it is critical so please just skip if you're not into that!

The thing is...it takes very, Very little for me to love a clone. He doesn't need lines, or a face, or even a name, and the default is that I will love him. He can even be a little bastard, like Slick, and it's fine. I always want to know more about them, and wish they had more screen time and time in general to develop their characters. So given that we were getting 16 (20 eps total if we count TCW S7 pilot arc) centered around these guys, I was expecting to absolutely adore them by the end.

And I wanted to love the Bad Batch, I wanted to love them so damn much, and I tried. But I think one of the reasons why they never fully clicked for me was that their thing seems to be "we're unique, we never fit in, we're outsiders in our own home, among the people who are supposed to be our own family, and so we've found our home with each other."

Which! That's usually a wonderful message, and not a particularly rare or unique one either for stories! I usually dig these kinds of stories!

The problem here is the extremely unique situation of the clones. They are literally created to be identical, brain washed to be uniform. They must conform, or are killed off by their creators, and their conformity isn't a choice in the slightest, but one of fear and necessity.

Their uniformity is something that they are also entirely aware of--it's unavoidable, they're clones. Once out in the real galaxy, they all strive to find and establish unique identities for themselves, struggling against a galaxy that just wants them to be faceless products. It's a shared struggle, and all they have are each other, and their brotherhood is sacred as a result. Shunning unique identity is the opposite of who a clone is--it's what they all want.

So on one hand, it's understandable that the Batch stuck out (when all others who would have also stuck out were culled, when individuality isn't allowed). It's understandable that they would have yearned for the brotherhood shared by the other clones, and when they couldn't have it, they stuck closer to each other. It's even understandable that they would feel bitter, having experienced bullying at the hands of the other clones (but isn't it also understandable that the other clones would feel bitter that the Batch gets special treatment, when their own brothers with less-than-beneficial mutations were taken by the Kaminoans to never return?).

And so we have this batch of clones, who the Kaminoans call "mutated," but also specify that their mutations are "desirable" (implying what happens to mutations that are undesirable...). They have their own unique unit, in which they're able to improvise and act freely with seemingly little to no oversight, so long as they complete their mission. No Jedi to obey, no nat-born officers who look down on them. In fact, they look so different from standard clone troopers that most of the galaxy probably don't even know they are clones. They have their own ship (personalized), they have their own possessions (which we don't really see any other clones have), they have their own barracks (probably also very unique), and they even have access to superior weapons and armor (most of the Batch, minus Echo, seem to be wearing modified Katarn-class armor which is supposed to be for Commandos. we KNOW it holds up better than standard trooper armor).

So I'm sure they had some unpleasant experiences growing up, and I do get it. But at least at "present" end of clone wars, they honestly seem to be living infinitely better than all other clones? They still need to follow orders but they have more freedom, and perhaps most importantly, they have clear uniqueness that is denied almost all other clones. And yes, some of the clones on Kamino bully them, but we've seen NONE of the "regular" clones that we know to be particularly nasty to them, and in fact it's Crosshair who starts it by calling them "Regs."

And how does the Batch respond to this situation? By acting superior. It's Crosshair who says and it believes this firmly, and I do feel that the others are likely mostly influenced by this, but it's also true that Hunter, Wrecker, and Tech don't really deny this either. They don't like the "regs," they do act like they're "better." Poor Echo, who they repeatedly seem to forget is in the room, and who they call "machine" and such...yikes yo

So I guess the point is, I just really struggled to feel sympathetic towards them, and was already on a kinda eh about their premise. They're marketed as "the special clone squad"--and yet they're not nice to the clones I love. I thought that wasn't great, but also hoped that the series would work towards them understanding the other clones better, and I love character development so that woulda been fine--but, nothing. A glance from Hunter at Howzer. Extended camaraderie from Gregor, who I feel they mostly just tolerate for the mission, other than Echo who genuinely cares.

And on top of feeling not feeling particularly sympathetic towards what I saw as a pretty privileged group of clones, the Batch seems to place primary blame of their woes on the "regs" themselves, who again, honestly seem far worse off! There isn't blame directed at the people who demanded the conformity from the other clones in the first place, that made it so the Batch couldn't fit in. The Batch was modified due to the Kaminoans (and implied specifically Nala Se). She's the reason why they don't fit in. And the Kaminoans are also why the other clones have to be so uniform, why they must fight to be people and not products.

Bitterness and pettiness can be fine in characters. But it's frustrating to see in a group supposed to be competent and elite, especially when those feelings have consequences. Sure, it sucks when someone throws a food tray at you. You can throw food back. It's not an equal reaction to feel no remorse when you shoot that guy dead in a blaster fight, when for all other clones, having to kill another clone is one of the most horrible, tragic things that one can do (thanks, Umbara).

Fives was the only clone to actually point a blaster at Nala Se.

We know Omega has deeply personal history with Nala Se. She was Nala Se's personal medical assistant. We see her cry when she takes off her head ornament that matches Nala Se. We know that being back in the lab gives Omega complicated, and probably not entirely positive feelings. But we barely learn more about this relationship, other than these glimpses.

And I get the feeling that to Omega at least, Nala Se wasn't all terrible. If Omega grew up with mostly only Nala Se for company, she had to have gotten her sheltered outlook on life, and her willingness to help others from somewhere. Nala Se intentionally let Omega go, to be "safe."

I think Omega's adorable, and I do like her. But I wasn't able to fully love her to the extent I wanted to, because there was always the fear that she was involved in the creation and implantation of the chips. She knows about them, she would have been positioned to do so. I want to think she would never, and I was hoping the show would reassure us of that, but it never did. We don't actually know how Omega feels about Nala Se, or even the chips and their presence in other clones. Instead, all we know is that Omega doesn't like "regs."

And again, "they call me lab scrubber," and "I helped put (or am complicit in putting) mind control devices in their heads," are kinda, unequal. Again I hope it's not the case. But it definitely kept me feeling uneasy throughout the show.

It really boils down to I don't trust or forgive Nala Se, and the Batch's lack of stance against her and the other Kaminoans, and clear distaste for their other clone brothers, really puts them in a situation that makes it difficult for me to take their side entirely.

And then gosh, Hunter. During Crosshair's whole "you never came back for me," spiel, I couldn't help but think he's kinda right. He had 15 episodes. Sure, it's difficult to get Crosshair back. But they could have done something. They could have done research. We could have had scenes of them wondering where Crosshair is, discussions on how best to find him, even if that discussion ended in, "but we can't risk it right now." They could have grilled Omega for information on the chips, which they really shoulda done either way, but especially since that knowledge is important to understanding what (they thought had) happened to Crosshair. Instead, they just ran every time Crosshair showed up. The show could have done better to show that they cared, and were trying, instead of just, y'know, doing chores for Cid. One, "I kinda miss him," doesn't really count as working on getting him back, at least in my books.

The sole exception to all of this, of course, is Echo. Who really, he works with the Batch fine, he's a former ARC and can more than keep up. Skillset-wise, he fits in well enough. But this season really made me wonder why he's with them at all. Crosshair's revelation and true feelings at the end of the season were no surprise to me, as they're consistent with what we've seen of him from TCW S7. But for Echo, a former "reg" to have to work with someone like Crosshair...even if Crosshair thought Echo was "different" enough to accept him, those are his brothers that Crosshair thinks he's so superior to, and has no issue speaking disdainfully about.

The increasing tension between Echo and Hunter, Echo's interest in helping Rex, in helping other clones, in doing something...I do hope they reach a point where Echo demands they go help, or he's leaving.

They gave Crosshair a chance, despite the fact that his choices were willing. I really hope Echo can convince the Batch to help save the other clones who don't have a choice. Because even if the Batch doesn't consider them their brothers, they're certainly Echo's. They matter just as much as Crosshair, and I really hope season 2 shows it narratively.

To conclude, again I'm interested in seeing what happens next, and I want answers about Omega and Nala Se. I find it interesting that they tied the facility where they took Nala Se in with the scientist dude collecting data on Grogu in the Mandalorian and those cloning labs. All of this is interesting, but at the same time I feel like it's trying to build up to Snoke/Palpatine stuff in the sequels which...I don't care nearly as much about, but who knows, could be neat ^ ^;

I'm okay with, and have made peace with the fact that the Bad Batch probably isn't the "clones-centric" show I wanted, and that they'll continue their own story, and probably continue to not care much about other clones in upcoming seasons. That's unfortunate, but alright. I'm interested enough in their story too.

But at the same time...I can't help but think man, if they have the time and budget to do a season 2, after seeing what was (or wasn't) accomplished in season 1...I wish they'd also make a Rex/Cody/Wolffe/"regular clones" show, because in the end, if you're going to do a "clones show"....that's who I want to see most.

If you got to the end, thank you for reading, and being an ear to my ranting ^ ^; Again this is literally just getting this off my chest. If this take isn't one you agree with, please just ignore. For people who did fall in love with the Batch, I'm happy for you, and regret that it just couldn't happen for me. But, I'm hoping that S2 will change my mind, but we'll just have to see! ^ ^;

[codename-adler]

Dear Tumblr toxicity,

Hi. Adler here. We need to talk.

- TW: mental health issues, depression, bipolar disorder, self-harm, homophobia, transphobia, coming out, xenophobia, islamophobia, racism, implied sexual content, rape, non-con, addictions, abuse, parental negligence, depictions of violence, swearing (please message me kindly if I forget anything)

- What prompted this message: The release of Skam France S7 teaser (emphasis on teaser, will get into that below)

- Where I’m coming from: I will talk from the pov of a white, cis and queer 22-years-old woman (she/her); this is the pov that affects my experiences and the opinions I will share below; but my message comes from a place of deep hurt, and love

- What this is about: My goal is to share a recurring experience that has hurt me in order to spread a message of awareness, maturity, peace and love

- Central content: Skam France, Skam Wtfock, and Skam/remakes in general

From now on I will assume people have enough information for me to talk about the topics without explaining every plotline/character. There are plenty of wiki pages to help you out and I will gladly answer any (respectful) questions asked if a plothole bothers your comprehension of my message. I’m only making these assumptions in order to alleviate the text.

January 9th, 2021.

The francetv slash YouTube channel releases an unexpected teaser video for an equally unexpected seventh season Skam France. The video features Tiffany, a white, cis female teenager, going into labour from denial pregnancy just after winning what appears to be a gymnastics championship. Overall, the video and its release are very dramatic.

The character of Tiffany, also called Tiff, was previously seen on season 6 of Skam France as a bully who persecuted the main character, Lola, both at school and on social media. Outside of this characterization, nothing is known about her. It is majorly accepted that Tiff is not a liked character; she rather poses as one of the antagonists of Lola’s arc.

Now you know the details of what happened, in the most objectively possible way. 

Now I’ll speak for myself.

Before I went digging around for people’s reaction, here is what I initially thought of this video.

1) Shock: I thought Skam France was over, so... Big, big shock.

2) Excitement: I hold this web series very close to my heart. It has gotten me through depressive episodes, anxiety attacks, coming out to my best friend. To see this new development? It couldn’t bring me more joy.

3) Curiosity: I recognized Tiff immediately. I was intrigued as to what would happen to her to set off a new season in true Skam Fr fashion. As soon as she started gripping her stomach, I knew she was pregnant and wasn’t aware of it. Big, big surprise here again.

4) Numbness/Overthinking: As I stared at my screen, motionless, my mind went off. What did it mean? How did she not know? Who is the father? Do we know him? Will the baby survive? Where are the other characters? Will Lamifex be present? What? How? When? Why? Who?

5) Disappointment: No, I did not like Tiff one bit in S6. Yes, I sincerely wished for a season on either Jo (ambiguous and funny teenage girl, cis + white), Sekou (seemingly neurodivergent teenage boy, cis + black), and my favorite, Max (mysterious and grave teenage boy, trans + white) So why Tiff? It felt to me like a missed opportunity, but I did not lose hope.

So, these were the five stages of my emotional process. And then I made the terrible mistake to go look for the fans’ reaction. I didn’t even look at the YT comments, I didn’t go on Instagram, I went directly here on Tumblr. Why? I’m still asking myself that. From S1 to S6 of Skam Fr, I kept my love for the show to myself and only looked at ig and video edits. I tried once, and only once, to look it up on Tumblr, and was greeted by fervent agressivity, disrespect and hate. Why did I ever forget that after watching the S7 teaser? I still don’t know.

The reactions on this platform were wild. People are furious (I get that). People are disappointed (I get that). People are anxious (I get that). People are also verbally agressive, insensitive, hateful, disrespectful and bullies. I don’t get that.

Comments along the lines of “What she gonna do with a fucking baby?”, “Are we gonna watch the baby do nothing all fucking season?”, “Wowwww, teenage pregnancy, so new and relatable!” (note the sarcasm made in the comment here), “Who gives a shit about Tiff?”, etc. 

And then all the mistakes Skam Fr ever made flooded back onto the feed. The wlw misrepresentation, the whitewashing, the overdramatization, the dubious sex scenes between minors, all of it.

Let’s take a break here. Do I condone these mistakes? Nope. Am I a white-bully apologist? Nope. Did I forget every horrible action Tiff has made in the past? Nope. She manipulated a whole school against Lola, she profited from Lola’s mother’s death, she bullied her, harrassed her, pushed her deeper into mental distress. Tiff was a despicable character that I never once liked. The way she was played by the actress made it clear that Tiff was not intended to be a good guy. If I could replace her as the main of S7, I would, in a heartbeat. I’d choose, as I said, Jo, Sekou or Max.

Skam France deeply lacks diversity and made mistakes when attempting to diverse the issues represented. This is not an opinion, it’s a fact. 

Poc representation is very, very low. Only one season has a woc of Islam beliefs as mc (Imane, S4) with poc entourage/family. Only 2 other characters not related to Imane were poc (Sekou and Sarah, S1-S2). These 2 characters were very in the background and served to further the mc’s plotline, they had no real content. (I am not a poc, and so my opinion does not matter here. If you are not poc, your “opinions” don’t matter here, this point is not for you to debate. These are facts.)

While I do not particularly find the wlw representation bad, I do understand how it hurts/bothers other queer women. From my perspective, the bar was very low regarding my expectations of the Lola/Maya pair (none of them died *yay* they had a happy ending *yay* they were not typically overfeminized or overmasculinized *yay* Lola  and Maya were respectful of each other, understood each other, accepted each other with all their flaws and their beauty *yay* I truly believed in their love and it gave me confidence and hope *yay* I ould really go on but this is not my main point so I’ll stop here) Regardless of my opinion on Mayla, I understand that to some queer women, it was bothering/hurtful. (If you are anything other than a woman / wlw, this point is not for you to debate. Keep your “opinions” to yourself, it does not matter here. These are facts.)

Like every remake of the original Skam where the S4 was given to Sana/Imane, the Muslim community was not represented at its best, at its most beautiful and respectfully. The character of Imane, although she is my favorite girl of the series, was not portrayed in a way that respected the majority of the Muslim community. (If you are anything other than Muslim, this point is not for you to debate. Our opinions do not matter here. These are facts.)

And so the same goes for the portrayal of sexual assault and child pronography in S2, of mental illness and homophobia in S3, of disabilities in S5, of addiction, transphobia, self-harm and neurodivergence in S6. Again, if you are not part of these communities, your opinions do not matter on these issues. These are facts that are not up for debate.

In other words, Skam France, as well as the original Skam, Skam Wtfock, Skam España, and probably all the others I haven’t watched in their entirety, are NOT perfect shows. They (maybe) tried their best to portray issues of the younger generations that are ugly, shameful, taboo, hard-to-swallow-pills. Of course they made mistakes. Of course they have to be held accountable. Of course they can and should do better. Of course it must be spoken about.

Here is my problem.

The so-called “fans” shamelessly SHITTING on the WHOLE show because of ONE TEASER TRAILER. (btw, this is where I get angry)

I am not talking about the fans making fun of the show and this season’s premise like “Better MCs than Tiff for S7: a romance between the car that almost hit Lucas S3 and the car that hit Arthur S5, or the school’s nurse, or Imane’s dad, or Elu’s rabbit” (that shit’s funny and I’d watch all of these).Or the joke about Wtfock and Skam Fr shaking hands while signing the same contract to disappoint the fans with white MCs (it’s funny cuz it’s trueeeee).

I am not talking about the fans criticizing the producers’ choice of Tiff as MC. There is a difference between shitting on issues and adressing/discussing them. I WANT to talk about how this season’s issue would have been so much better if a woc, specifically a black woman, had been the MC, because black women and doctors are a whole different level of issue than white women and doctors. Add on top of that an unplanned teenage pregnancy? It would have been IMMACULATE. I WANT to talk which wlw couple was better represented, Mayla or Croana/Crisana, and why is that. I WANT to talk about disabilities in black and poc communities. I WANT to talk about headcanons, AUs, to rectify the missed marks. I WANT to talk about our takes on seasons about Max, Sekou and Jo, instead of Tiff’s.

I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR SHITTY, NEGATIVE, UNHELPFUL, HURTFUL COMMENTS.

Just because the protagonist is white, doesn’t give you ANY right to dismiss the issue that is unplanned teenage pregnancy. This is a problem that affects countries WORLDWIDE. Do you know how many deaths are related to minors giving birth? Do you know how many babies die at birth from these pregnancies? Do you have any idea the trauma it puts you through, to go into labor without even knowing you were pregnant in the first place, and then giving birth, and then having to care for a defensless human being? The dilemma of keeping it, or giving it away? The fear that lives in every person able to give birth, that one day they’ll become pregnant, because society turns sych a shameful look to that? No matter your ethnicity, your gender identity, your sexuality, your political stance or whatever shit you bring up to justify your disgraceful and downright degrading comments, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY THAT A MINOR GIVING BIRTH IS NOT AN ISSUE. 

You think the topic has been covered plenty before? Yeah, because shows like “16 and pregnant” and “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant!” are such good examples and show the reality with such an objective point of view! 

Bullshit. Teenage pregnancy is still a taboo, it still kills, and people are still morons about it. 

“Well I guess everybody is secretly pregnant now!” No, Jessica, but you wouldn’t know about it, would you? Because I wouldn’t tell you shit if you were my “friend” and I was going through it. The whole message of all the Skams is not that it presents super relatable issues of teenagers, although it is a big topic of the show. They present some issues that affect the youth in an authentic light, but that’s not it.

Tous les gens que tu rencontres mènent un combat dont tu ignores tout. 

Sois indulgente. Toujours. x x x

//

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.

Be kind. Always. x x x

THAT’S THE MESSAGE. THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT OF THE SHOW.

And you all missed it.

All of you making dead baby jokes and death threats, degrading people who give birth, shaming teenagers for their pregnancies... Listen to yourselves.

“Well she deserves it, she was such a bitch!” No, Michael, you shit stick. Let’s rewind a bit for you, yeah? It was a GOD DAMN TEASER. We literally know nothing! Nothing at all! Why are y’all getting mad when we saw 3:25 minutes representing a whole ass season! Listen to yourselves. Y’all judge so fast for people pretending to love Skam and its authenticity and its motto.

You say Tiff is irredeemable?

Emma cheated on her boyfriend.

Manon lied and manipulated her friends.

Lucas was homophobic and prejudiced agaisnt mentally ill people.

Imane was homophobic too and went behind her friends’ back to get what she wanted.

Arthur cheated on his girlfriend too.

Lola dragged Elliot down with her in her addiction, lied, was verbally abusive, etc.

ALL THE MAINS ARE PROBLEMATIC.

Any guess why?

BECAUSE THEY ARE TEENAGERS. THEY ARE STILL GROWING AND LEARNING.

Yet we still loved them all. 

So don’t you dare tell me that Tiff deserves this, that her baby deserves to die, that teenage motherhood is irrelevant. Motherhood is not a curse in the first place, nor is it something to wish to inflict upon anyone. Motherhood is different for every single person and nobody except the person living with it can have an opinion on that. We don’t even know if the baby survived, for God’s sake!

There is no excuse for this kind of behavior..

It makes me so angry. Women are discriminated against in a fandom I thought was safe, again and again and again. 

I have to stop here because, well, this is just too much. There is much wrong with Skam (the original AND all the remakes), but there is even more wrong with the fans. I’m done.

You don’t support the show anymore? Fine, then don’t watch it! If I really am wrong, the number of viewers will go down and the show will die, just like you wished. There is no need to be vicious about it. 

I hope y’all are proud of your misogyny. 

Sincerely,

Adler.

[melonsmessymusings]

Just seen a post about S6&S3 parallels and @rachaeljurassic made some super interesting points in the tags about Giles’ departure and how INFURIATING it is that I really want to expand upon, so I guess this one’s for you :) I get it, the mentor figure needs to be gotten out of the way in order to progress Buffy’s own arc, that’s fine. It narratively makes complete sense, but it was handled badly.

@rachaeljurassic suggested that maybe we could’ve gotten him out of the way with a coma. I vibe with that. Let’s have the head injuries catch up to him and have him totally incapacitated. Big battle, dire injuries, that works. We could still have Buffy spiralling after, but this time she’d be blaming herself because Giles got hurt as a result of her being the Slayer (even though he’d never blame her for it and it isn’t her fault except for like twice). That also works better because it would be more in character than having Giles go “I know you can’t even breathe right now but I’m gonna flake because you need to be a grown up. Even though when I was your age I was raising demons, doing dr*gs and having orgies so like lmao.” Plus, have a couple of gratuitous scenes of a very injured Giles being visited by someone to pepper throughout the season that were pre-recorded so we don’t get confused as to why they wouldn’t be sat there with him at least every now and then to make us cry. Imagine a scene with Buffy in a hospital room watching a ventilator force air into her Watcher to keep him alive and pouring her heart out because she’s terrified with no idea what to do and he always knew and she needs him and just cries. You could even have it where he’s like slowly deteriorating or something and Dark!Willow uses her magic to cure him so that would explain how he just got better and was like... fine.  

I also love the idea of him having a total breakdown after Buffy’s death. I absolutely thrive off him becoming a completely numb droid (he probably was and only bothered to put on façade for the Scoobies but that’s for another day) and the Scoobies decided it’d be better for him to try and find a new purpose in life by sending him to England. We could’ve had like the first episode of them helping him settle with the Coven or something and it’d have been AWFUL to watch, but it would make sense and then when Buffy gets resurrected, they just don’t tell him and they tell Buffy that the grief killed him or something like that? idk... or having them explain that Giles isn’t Giles anymore and he’s doing better (because Tara gets updates from the Coven) but being in Sunnydale was killing him and they never told him that Buffy was resurrected. That wedges the group dynamic enough tbh and would cause Buffy to turn to Spike because he’d have had no clue about anything except that Giles had gone off the bloody rails big time and it was good he was away from this hellhole. 

Family emergency? Let’s be honest, the Giles family are probably scum so I’d buy that way less but it’s still more convincing than what actually happened. 

Another suggestion was having the Council snatch him. I also adore this. That would make sense. But let’s have them make it look like they killed him because I love that. So they send in a team, take him away but make it look like he’s been completely murdered. 

My idea is that they put a glamour or something on a vampire to make it look like Giles (but the audience don’t know this yet) and so Buffy drops by and finds a body that is in every way identical to Giles in a destroyed apartment and just breaks and is like clutching at him or something and there’s blood and its horrendous. Then you could either have swoopy Council guys come in and take Giles away when he ‘wakes up’ as a vampire because “there’s a procedure to this Miss Summers” or have her stake him herself then and there because after Angelus she’s taking no chances. Could you imagine the emotional payoff of that? She then has to go and tell the others, who don’t believe her but they all see the apartment, bloodstains and pile of dust and they all have to cope with the grief of losing him throughout the season in addition to everything else.

But wait! There’s more. Travers ends the episode with a folder in front of him, a report from the team that carried out the operation and smiles saying something evil like “I warned her of dealing with grown ups” so the audience all thinks that Giles got offed by the Council. 

BUT REALLY Giles was taken and held in a like prison facility thing, very much alive. Then we get like a showdown of Giles chained to a chair in this cell being forced to watch the video footage of the whole operation and Travers telling him that it’s over and his oh so precious Slayer will end up killing herself with guilt/grief and the Council can have a new start because they’re going to off Faith too. And the last shot is Giles crying in a dank hole.

As far as the audience goes: imagine having Giles showing up at the end of S6 if THAT had been the departure? It’s already an “AAAAAHHHHHH HOLY SHIT!” moment but it’d be magnified tenfold. Then Buffy being completely confused because “I killed you!” then having that moment when she ends up hugging him and he’s warm and breathing and not dead. And Dark!Willow being really confused but trying to kill him anyway because if he was alive all this time why didn’t he come back? That’s when we get the scene with Giles watching what happened on the monitor. Everyone is confused and Giles explains that the Council kept him in one of their facilities and now Buffy feels sick because she’s like “they tortured you... for months!” and Giles is like “Well yeah but it’s fine because I’m here now and I’m so sorry for abandoning you all.” Still can have Evil Willow being evil and Xander saving the day. I don’t care that much but we could’ve had this worked in.

Because the Council would’ve tortured him for fun. Not necessarily physically but they would’ve paraded him around as the example of what happens if you don’t toe the line. They could’ve completely humiliated him and it caused like cracks in the Council because some of them hate that Travers is abusing his power like this on one of their own and others finding it good that such a strong message is being sent. At which point, Travers would give the order for the Special Ops team to start the beatings. Of course, Giles is used to having the seven bells kicked out of him, but to be used as a training dummy by other human beings? They’d practice on him and that’s as far as I think the physical side of it would go, the rest would be mental/emotional torture. Or having hexes/curses tested on him and all the while, Giles genuinely wants them to kill him because everyone he cares about already thinks he’s dead so it makes no difference if it’s the reality. All the while, he’s being kept vaguely up to date with the events of Sunnydale so that he can hear how his Slayer is edging closer into just giving up and it breaks his heart. So Giles spent a year either being locked in a cell translating texts or being used as a punchbag to teach the S.O. team how to interrogate people. That’s how I see it going anyway. We could’ve seen like flashbacks of parts of it in S7 or something idk.

That would explain why he’s so distant in S7. Because he was kept prisoner for almost a year by the people who practically raised him (because the Council kind of did) and how that would mess anyone up and the First tormenting him about how he should’ve gone through with any attempts to end it instead of being a coward because Buffy doesn’t need him and she already thought he was dead. 

I dunno if this is actually what you were going for but it’s where my mind went and it would’ve given Tony Head something really juicy to do by playing a slightly crazed version of Giles who freaks out if there’s more than five people in the room because a year of living on your own in the dark drove him mad. He would’ve completely nailed it. Way better than sitting there going, “I’m headed back to England, and I plan to stay indefinitely”. Ugh we were robbed.

[jetsetreid]

ignore me like we never met before - spencer reid x reader - chapter 1/?

Summary: Spencer Reid annoys you. Enemies to lovers with a side of BDSM (to follow -- no sex in this chapter, sorry!) 

A/N: New to CM fandom, hiiii. With the s7 cast (the elite) but set post-Maeve storyline. Title from Ignore me by Betty Who.

Word Count: 2.5k

Spencer Reid was annoying. And not just in the normal ways you might find someone annoying. Spencer was annoying in an extraordinary way, that only someone with an IQ of 187 and an eidetic memory could be. The most annoying part was that he never really met your quips or participated in your banter. 

It made you look like an asshole, which was completely unfair of him. Because you knew Spencer returned your feelings. You annoyed him as well. He avoided you constantly and when he did speak to you, he made sure it was case related. You didn’t sit next to each other on the jet, or at team outings. Hotch almost never paired you together. You recognized, in the back of your head, that you should be thankful for this, but you just found it to be another thing about him that annoyed you.

Despite your lack of time spent together, you couldn’t help yourself. When an opportunity presented itself, you just had to push back. It didn’t matter though, because he never said anything back. He always let you insult him and looked away without a reaction. 

--

Your favorite pastime. Team drinks. And you were stuck sitting next to JJ and across from Spencer, with everyone else further down the double-sided booth. Spencer and JJ had been chatting all night about her kids and a film festival Spencer went to every year and had recently joined the board of organizers. If it wasn’t for the fact that Spencer was involved, the film festival might have actually sounded interesting. 

Instead, it was mind numbingly boring. You tried to focus your attention on Morgan and Penelope down the booth, but they were too caught up in each other to notice your desperate attempts to strike up a conversation. 

Emily showing up to team drinks was a godsend

“Emily, thank god,” you shrieked. “Sit next to me!”

Emily slid into the booth next to you and quickly ordered a drink before the two of you fell into a conversation. You were discussing Emily’s new girlfriend and how tangled up in each other they’ve been. You’ve missed her lately. This was the first time she’d actually shown up to team drinks in months.

“You know, I like Eleanor and I’m happy for you, but falling in love is gross.” You said it with no bite and a smile on your face. You were teasing her. 

“Actually,” Spencer cut in, “Falling in love has a similar neurological effect as getting high on cocaine.”

You rolled your eyes so hard they almost fell out. What did boy wonder know about falling in love? And why was he involving himself in a conversation that had nothing to do with him? Spencer and JJ had been ignoring you all night. Okay, maybe JJ tried to include you in their conversation, but still. 

“Another fact you read, but don’t know in practice, right?” you asked, eyeing him with spite. You were fairly new to the team, almost a year in, but you just knew there was no way Spencer Reid had been in love before. 

Emily tensed up beside you and JJ fell silent as well. You figured Spencer would ignore your comment, like ways. He never ever rose to your insults.  

“What about you, we all know you’ve been high on cocaine. So even though you’ve never found anyone to love you, it’s almost the same thing.” 

JJ choked out a laugh. Emily smirked without meeting your eyes. All you could do was glare. 

The team knew about your party days in college, although you’d never outright said you’d done cocaine. The reality is that you had and quite a bit too. Your first couple of years in college were a blur of a party until you calmed down your junior year and took academics seriously.

But Spencer never challenged you, so what made this so different? Maybe you hit a nerve. Everyone knew he was lacking in the relationship department. 

“I’ve found plenty of people to love me,” you said with a smirk. 

“For the night,” Spencer added, with a bite.

You should’ve been annoyed or angry, you should’ve told him to shut up, but you didn’t. Because seeing him take the bait after almost a year of digs made something in your stomach flutter. You were finally getting to him.

“Yeah, wouldn’t you like to know?”

Spencer meet you with hard, scowling eyes. Emily and JJ followed your back and forth like a tennis match. 

“What’s that saying? If you caught fire, I wouldn’t piss to put you out.”

“Jesus, Spence,” JJ muttered. 

“Those are Fall Out Boy lyrics,” you responded with a glare. He was such a dick.

Spencer shrugged. “Sentiment stands.” 

You dropped it after that. You hated to give him the win, but another round of drinks appeared, and Emily quickly changed the subject. 

-- 

Spencer didn’t stop after that. It was becoming a problem. Mostly because Hotch could shrug off your mouth before. Most of the team thought you were just teasing, and because Spencer never reacted, they all saw it as harmless. 

But he was reacting now and the two of you were trading insults like siblings. You were being childish, but so was he so you didn’t stop. At first, it was almost fun. But Spencer was too quick, too smart. He didn’t even have to try. 

Another case, another jet ride. 

“Maybe the unsub has something on these victims. With this amount of overkill…” you trailed off, eyeing the photos in front of you on your tablet.

“Actually,” Spencer started. This was the fifth time he’d interrupted you (yes, you were counting) and you’d only been on the jet for 30 minutes. 

“Oh my god,” you groaned, snapping your finger in front of his face. “Does anyone get to give an opinion on anything without you actually’ing them?”

He swatted your hand away. “That’s not a word,” Spencer sighed. “Maybe I always have to interject because like your vocabulary, your opinions resemble that of a 3rd grader.” 

“Focus,” Hotch commanded. You could tell by the tone of his voice that he was absolutely done with both of you so you dropped it and you kept the rest of your opinions to yourself. The worst part of Spencer finally participating in your insult war was that he was always winning. He was smarter than you and he wasn’t afraid to let you know it. 

It didn’t bother you at first, but after weeks of him always getting the upper hand, it started to. You felt stupid and you started to question your spot on the team. You absolutely hated that you let him get into your head like this.

--

The case wrapped up later that week. Unsub caught. Another jet ride home. 

You gathered your things from the bullpen when Hotch appeared, singling for you and Spencer. 

“I need to see you both in my office.”

Derek winced and Emily patted you on the back. “Try not to murder each other in there.” 

“Yeah, good fuckin’ luck,” Derek added with a laugh as they both headed to the elevators. 

You ignored them and started walking up the stairs, quickly followed by Spencer. You both took a seat with your eyes glued to Hotch. You knew what was coming.

“Y/L/N, Reid,” Hotch started. “I’m not happy to be having this conversation. Your behavior has been juvenile and unproductive.”

You twisted your hands in your lap. This felt like getting reprimanded by a parent and you did not like it. Your stomach twisted with guilt.

“I don’t care about whatever rivalry the two of you have going on and I certainly don’t need you to be best of friends, but your behavior is affecting the team. And I need it to end.”

You nodded, refusing to look anywhere near Spencer.

“I understand, sir,” you breathed, voice low. “Consider it ended.”

Spencer nodded, “I apologize. It won’t be a problem anymore.” You saw him looking your way out of the corner of your eye, but you refused to take your eyes off Hotch. You felt terrible, having disappointed your boss.  

You both exited his office with a quiet sigh. Your heart felt heavy. 

You wouldn’t admit it, but you were secretly glad Hotch put an end to things. You knew you had started all of this, but Spencer’s words were like a poison. They were all you could think about some nights, tossing and turning. Were you really that stupid? Like a 3rd grader? Did everyone see it? You often wondered how you even landed this job after the things Spencer said about you. 

Hotch’s door clicked shut behind you as the both of you walked to your desks. You could tell Spencer was just as upset as you and you wanted to comfort him somehow, but you quickly pushed down the foreign and unwelcome thought. 

Spencer lifted his bag over his shoulder, eyeing you finally. “Just stay out of my way from now on, Y/L/N.” 

You really wanted to fight back, but instead you felt tears prick at your eyes. How fucking annoying. You absolutely refused to cry in front of Spencer Reid, but you knew he could tell how emotional you were. He was a profiler after all, and you weren’t even trying to hide it.

“Just stop, Reid,” you whispered, grabbing your purse and exiting the bullpen. You didn’t wait for him at the elevator. In front, you hit the “close doors” button rapidly until they slid shut, leaving you alone.

--

Weeks passed. You were quietly miserable. Spencer ignored you. Hotch watched the two of you constantly. Everyone else did as well, and it was suffocating. You barely spoke up anymore, always having to be prompted by Hotch, or sometimes Derek and Emily. Even JJ and Rossi. Anyone but Spencer. He didn’t care what you had to say and he didn’t even bother pretending like he did. 

You knew you were acting unreasonable, but you still felt scolded by Hotch and now isolated by the rest of the team. Realistically, you knew that wasn’t the case, but Spencer had known them all for a decade and sometimes it felt like they all took his side. It hurt your feelings, as irritating as that was to admit.

Things boiled over in Phoenix. An unsub that the team hadn’t exactly profiled right. A mistake you made, dropping your gun and moving close. You thought you could talk him down. You were very, very wrong.

It happened so fast. The unsub grabbing you, bringing you to his front, your back firmly against his front. He wrapped his arm around your neck, applying pressure. 

He was using you as a human shield. His other hand rose and you felt the cool metal of the unsub’s gun against your temple. You couldn’t speak. Why couldn’t you speak? You were trained for this, but right now you felt helpless. Derek and Spencer stood in front of you, trying to talk him down, but you couldn’t make out their words. You could tell they were panicked, and you knew this wasn’t going to end well.

The unsub – Randall Gaines – tightened his arm around your neck, cutting off your oxygen just a bit more. You felt a tear slide down your cheek. You were going to die in a shitty motel in Phoenix, Arizona. Right in front of Reid and Morgan. Bullet through the skull. They were going to walk out of here with your blood splattered all over them, but you weren’t walking out of this room at all. 

You felt your grip on reality slip as his chokehold tightened, your eyes slipping shut. Darkness. 

--

You woke to Derek crouched in front of you, breathing a sigh of relief. You were still alive. You were still in the shitty motel room.

The unsub was dead next to you, both of you on the ground. You’d passed out, but only for a couple of seconds. You were fine. 

Derek helped you up, snaking an arm around you for support. He loaded you into the backseat of the SUV while you waited for backup.

The ambulance came and checked you out, the coroner carried away the unsub’s body and the three of you left. No one spoke, least of all you.

--

The jet ride home was not pleasant. You avoided everyone’s concerned eyes by taking a seat in the back and putting your headphones in. You didn’t even listen to anything, but it guaranteed that everyone left you alone. 

When you got back to Virginia, Hotch grabbed your shoulder, leading your away from the team out into the hallway. “Take a few days, okay, Y/N?”

You nodded. “Okay.” Your voice was barely there, a rough whisper at best. The paramedic had warned you of this. Loss of voice, coughing, trouble swallowing. Red eyes, headaches, bruising. Even nausea. Although you weren’t sure if that was from the injuries or the situation in general. 

Hotch eyed you, sighing. “I want you to know you are a valued member of this team. See you next week.”

You nodded again before rushing to the elevators. Which would have been great, had it not been for one Penelope Garcia. 

She saw you and scurried over, pulling you into an embrace. “Y/N,” she breathed. “I am so happy you’re okay.”

Maybe it was because it was Penelope, or maybe it was just because of the day you had, but you hugged her back, clinging. She pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Movies and takeout?”

You found yourself nodding without realizing it. You had missed this. The past couple of weeks you had been so closed off, so worried about your place on this team. But now you were too tired and too distressed to worry. You followed Penelope out of the building. 

--

Derek showed up with a 12 pack of White Claw and a bottle of white wine. 

“Your favorites,” he grinned.

Emily and JJ followed with Chinese takeout.  The five of you spread out on Penelope’s couch and the floor in front of it. You smiled despite the burning in your throat, the hoarseness of your voice and the bruising you were sure was developing around your throat. 

You smiled and cracked open a White Claw, attention on the latest episode of Saturday Night Live. You missed your friends. 

Until the door quietly opened and Spencer Reid appeared. He looked uncomfortable. He brushed his his hair behind his ear and sat down on the floor with his legs crossed next to Derek. 

“I brought DVDs,” he said, holding up a handful of them. 

“Thanks,” you whispered. You didn’t mean to say anything, but you didn’t take it back. You even offered him a small smile. 

“Pretty boy, it’s all about streaming these days,” Morgan rolled his eyes, “but it’s the thought that counts.” And then he ruffled Spencer’s hair. You smiled again. 

Even with Spencer Reid in the mix, you were happy.

[amazingphilza]

DSMP!OC HEADCANNONS

i dunno if ppl on here make dsmp!ocs for themselves outside art but here’s my long list of headcannons?? idk what to call this, but assume all names have c! before it ofc :]

,, this is kinda messy & probably has a lot of plot holes but i just needed a space to write out all my thoughts LOL

also cw / ment of manipulation & ib: dsmp wiki <3

character origin :

previous life was the l’mantree :D

allegedly planted by schlatt, we will never know who’s my canonical parent(s)

reborn as a dryad after niki burns the l’mantree

i think being a dryad would fit especially since they’re typically nymphs of oak trees :]

appearance :

my character’s mc skin has long light brown hair & is seen wearing a flower crown with petals that are around the color of a pale violet and navy blue

clothing would consist of black shoes & a long light grey sweater that falls down to the legs and covers most of the hands which adorned with 2 black stripes on the upper arms

lore / history :

since my past life was the l’mantree, i would’ve known the ins and outs of the history when l’manburg was still standing, up until niki burned the tree

after witnessing everything, i’d hold a grudge on niki (+ allies?) and loyal to wilbur since he’s the whole person that made a meaning of the land of l’manburg

however i’d still be on edge w any side because i could sympathize with everyone to some extent after seeing some sort of distress from everyone at some point

i think seeing both sides of the spectrum when l’manburg/manburg still stood could change my perspective of some other characters

but at the same time, not everything was completely centered in l’manburg so i wouldn’t know the whole story of everyone’s character

i’m currently writing this just after tommy has left the prison & mostly everyone is treating him differently, so i’d try to befriend him by not showing that i dont care about his past & trauma but also not being fully faithful about our friendship ahaha,,,

he seems like the type that needs someone to see through his past history but tommy would definitely disapprove of my character visiting dream at the prison (i would do it anyway :))

vowing my current life to wilbur, i would help dream escape to revive wilbur & follow along with their plans of chaos

i don’t fully support dream but he is the only way to wilbur, making me comply with dream’s decisions

“growing up” in my past life and witnessing endless conflict, it is the only thing i know and understand; chaos

but i think during the process of helping dream & wilbur i’d keep my connection with them secret, being the person to obtain all the inside information they need

i could see myself as a type of equilibrium like ranboo but in a bad way, i don’t know how to explain it

but i would try befriending ranboo since he seems like he is involved in many things and would know a lot, despite his short term memory

unfortunately i’m not sure how much his character actually knows since i haven’t been able to watch his pov that much but i’m sure there’s a lot in his memory book...

to blend in as a normal person within the rest of the characters, i’d surround myself with connor a lot

not only because he needs more lore, connor is one of the “normal” citizens of the smp so i believe being with him doesn’t bring as much attention to myself, unlike people that’s related to the egg and their noticeable features after associating themselves with the egg

he is currently only on bad terms with techno which is rly good when comparing that to other characters and their relationships with other people

connor could probably sense my real intentions eventually & tell everyone else that i’m not who i say i am but if that’s my flaw & my downfall is caused by connor, so be it! sorry dream & wilbur

i feel like for being a young dryad, i’d still fool around with dream/wilbur & help give tommy an small “advantage” to defeating the two ?

like yes i’m supposed to be on your side but where’s the fun if tommy can’t do anything to begin with?

i honestly don’t know if wilbur was revived he’d actually be his vassal but let’s assume that happens, but either way i’m with wilbur on his decisions

but ya dream seems like the type to punish me for helping tommy and send me to the afterlife to learn & become smarter like wilbur had done or smth

in the end, i just want to give tommy bits and pieces that tease him from ending all the wars and problems he has been faced with

like here’s some info about dream and wilbur but it won’t be no where close to enough

but who knows, ghostbur said ‘villains are just heroes that aren’t convinced yet’ & maybe tommy could eventually grow on me & change my ways,,

maybe me fooling around & teasing tommy with answers he’s been searching for is a way to mask that i want to be a good person

ok but imagine after knowing so much about dream/wilbur, the revive book, & the afterlife & then i switch sides,,,

surely if tommy can’t put and end to them, dream would make sure i’m gone for good instead

but also if me & connor are in good terms & he’s canonically a necromancer & can bring ppl back to life,,,,

personality :

to all besides dream & wilbur, i’d try to act passive and friendly on the outside to get on everyone’s good side

however under the mask i am more mischievous & strive to cause more problems for everyone on the server from the inside out

in a way, i’ve taken up some of dream’s manipulative personality but still very understanding

i’d like to think of my character as a good listener,, trying to do less talking than others so i do not open up about my true self and intentions

i’ve seen rumors about schlatt & mexican dream also being revived along with wilbur & i feel like i’d have some soft spot for schlatt & pick up a few things from his own character, not sure what though

schlatt planted l’mantree theory, dad!schlatt au part 2 !! /j

because of my character’s closed off and quiet personality, i feel like i’d be pretty analytical

i would know how to slip between the cracks with some characters & notice the smallest things to make them question themselves

maybe my character is good at holding their composure, and not that susceptible to being “emotional” in a way so it’s easier to face people

like i understand when a situation is sad, etc but i can’t show emotion towards how i feel about it (i don’t know if that makes sense but ya!)

i wanna try to elaborate more,, like imagine my character before tommy visits the prison, i would be unfazed from when i found out he died to the point he’s released and we find out he’s been revived

everything is a constant blur hehe

i just can’t fully process everything i guess? i dunno if that’s helpful but yeah!

in the end though, my moral compass has been very tainted; despite wanting to show my loyalty, it can be slightly easy to sway me, making me internally feel guilty to other people

but me trying to get on everyone’s good side to impress wilbur/dream to seem useful to them would ruin me before i would even realize that i’m another “pawn”

we know damn well dream is faking it till he “makes it” but yk,,

but i’d be stuck in this kind of dilemma of not knowing what thoughts are my own or just something trickled down from wilbur or dream

there’s like maybe something that clicks in my head like “maybe i wanna think for myself for once” or smth

like who am i really?

powers , bonuses , etc :

since dryads can technically manipulate plants in some ways, theoretically i could control the blood vines to some extent ???

i’m pretty sure dryads can communicate with plants so i could understand what the blood vines are saying as well

maybe i could get a good sense of what the egg is all about and stuff

assuming that i understood anything that was happening with the egg in the first place but anyway—

i guess similar to ranboo like how he can’t really be around water without some type of amour or something, it would make sense for me to primarily reside in a type a forest or be near one ?? who knows

seems a bit morbid in a way because of the whole history but if i can somehow easily get rid of the blood vines without it affecting me (if there is still some there) i think it would be kinda pretty to build a tree base in the middle of the l’manburg crator (iskall tease)

like it can show a sign of some rebirth, not the same government repeated once again but a new era in general

you know how you see like destruction years after it the disaster or smth happened and it gets all overgrown with plants and stuff? ya that’s what i’m going for in my head (mumbo jumbo s7 tease)

i know it’s covered in glass already but i dunno, some broken glass and a giant tree emerging from the whole thing and all the rubble seems cool

i’m not a good builder but i have the vision LMAO

omg puffy is like a sheep human hybrid im pretty sure & like there’s a specific type of dryad that are a protector of sheep & other animals?? i’m not exactly sure but that seems like an interesting element to incorporate somehow

also glatt randomly planting a oak sapling in quackity’s lore stream yes pls feed my nonexistent dsmp character lore /j

i honestly dunno how to incorporate the fact dryads can turn shapeshift into trees when trying to escape something but i read something that if a dryad stays in a tree form for too long they’ll forget who they are and stay stuck as a tree?? which like woah that’s cool & some material but at the same time what—

since everyone’s backstory is kinda a mess, mr beast parent tease bc he planted a bunch of trees /hj

i have realized wilbur saying like “the whole reason i built this nation is gone” & blowing up everything or whatever is kinda a plot hole in like ‘why would i follow wilbur if/when he’s revived when he said this?’ but i’d like to think he was the one that made some meaning of the area lmanburg was on, which includes the lmantree

like he was the one that started everything and created that sentiment of that land, and however he views it now is how i would see it now

he gave meaning to my past life and now in my current life, i feel this obligation to repay him for it

not really lore bc i think it was cc!tommy talking to cc!ranboo about his height & age when he first joined but yk it would funny to make my dsmp character than his just to slightly spite him anyway

canonically 6’4 dryad yes . /hj

also i have no idea anything about hannah and her lore but we do be flower buddies :D

also omg like this isn’t at all important but the way ranboo can pick up grass blocks will just have me at awe, i dunno seems in theme with the forest/plant stuff

and i remember reading like there was something about dryads and apples but i can’t remember but i’d give tommy a bunch of apples /hj

apples am i right chat,,,,,

i’ll just have infinite apples in my inventory, like kill me in game, not like losing lives kinda deal but just in general and boom stacks of apples

“bee i get you’re half tree but do you just poop apples out like they’re nothing??” “girls don’t poop” /j

ok but like no matter how many streams i watch i cant grasp where everything is but omg but no if i was new to the server & stuff, canonically & not, i would feel my character to be the curious kind to explore everywhere

like besides a mini tour from some other person in the server, since my character only knows things in the bounds of lmanburg, i’d go off exploring different places like pogtopia, the sewers, showchester, etc

i feel like my character would be really into history, like they would have questions about what happened to lmanburg after the last war? what was life like before wilbur? what was the whole history about the antarctic empire? i dunno but reading a bunch of books from a library seems really interesting

oh but in theory, me and tubbo are loosely related if you wanna count schlatt as my “dad” because he supposedly planted the lmantree ???

i mean could make sense but it seems like a stretch

also if my character ever got close to schlatt, i’m not sure if this is canon, but i swear one time he mentioned how the whole dsmp sever is just a game/server in a game & he’s the only one that knows that ??? but like imagine if i found that out canonically,,,,,

big existential crisis pls

and i’m not 100% sure how dryad shifting works with like going from female to tree form and stuff but if i’m able to morph into different girls on the server & act as them,,,, the about of problems that can cause in the lore omg

lemme frame niki real quick and get inside information /j

oh ya and like hey bee do you support the government then? yes but no. whatever my “fav” person is canonically (assuming this is based in the beginning of this whole hc) whatever wilbur thinks, i think. head empty. but subject to change as the dsmp storyline progresses and stuff :]

ngl i wanna throw in some like random lore that doesn’t make sense to throw people off but i can’t think of anything

not actually really lore related but my choice of stream music like how ranboo has his undertale stuff that makes everyone cry, i will have in love with a ghost

yup i like in love with a ghost sm & i’m pretty sure their music is like not dmca too which yay but yk theoretically never gonna stream on the dsmp but still a fun aspect to think of bc i love listening to music & it’s very impactful to a story & associating something to it makes it more meaningful :D

like i could imagine the chill pop lofi piano stuff fits witha few lore streams of like exploring the whole smp before my character would really go out with being this lost villain in a way?

tubbo’s gangnam style who?

like i feel like i made my character bad/evil so they could have potential to get better in the future

on one hand, i’ll end up w dream and/or wilbur for the rest of my life, which is okay but i could also switch to be with tommy or even disregard all of them and be with techno/phil or quackity & potentially schlatt even who knows

also i cant wait for more connor lore tho, like as much as i tried to make my character give him more content i wanna see how everything goes with him having connections to schlatt & stuff

anyway i would’ve made concept art for my character but i honestly don’t rly like my art currently but who knows LMAO

and lastly if u read all of this ily /p

i might update this later when there’s more lore but ya

[crossovereddie]

Thoughts on Gallavich Hall of Shame

Wow okay this is the latest I’ve ever posted a weekly recap and I feel awful about it but mom life amirite? I’ve seen a lot of negative posts about this episode( maybe I just follow the wrong people) so ngl I’m kinda worried about watching it. Ugh. This is why I try to not look up things until I’ve had a chance to recap because I hate being influenced by other people’s opinions BUT I’m gonna try my best to find the positive things in the episode and keep this light hearted and fun like I’ve been trying to do all season! Okay I’ll shut up now and get right into why you’re really reading this post:

Oh baby Gallavich :(((((

THEY WERE SO LITTLE

Bitch don’t even say the word divorce

They’re sitting side by side playing a game together 😭😭😭😭

Mickey loves blowing ian pass it on

Oh fuck I forgot that belt move ian did 🤤🤤🤤

Nob job lmao

MID GOBBLE

ugh Ned was the most disgusting piece of shit

Who are those two exes wtf

I don’t know their names but I forgot I never watched any episode Mickey wasn’t in lmao

WAIT A WOMAN WHAT THE FUCK

Wow Mickey Milkovich really deserves so much better

Compilation of Mickey saying fuck THANK YOU

Omfg s4 Mickey was actually perfect

“Course you will. That’s your whole fucking MO” oh shit..

Wow remembering the past is really making me hate ian again lmao

Just when I started loving him for once

But then I remember how much he’s grown and I love him again

Fuck the writers tho

Let me write Gallavich please I’d do a much better job

Okay y’all really made it seem like Mickey was super offensive with his bipolar comment

I’m bipolar and hate when people use the term lightly but cmon guys that was nothing

He even called it a bipolar episode. He didn’t say anything offensive at all omfg. I was over here thinking he called him a psycho or something.

Some of y’all just gotta stop watching and stick to fanfics or something.

“I wish I never met you.” “Me either” THEN THEIR FUCKING WEDDING FUCK YALL NOW IM IN MY FEELS 😭😭

They’ve been through so much wow

Okay I need to see Mickey wearing a fanny pack

THE RING AND THE FLASHBACK STOP

GIVE MICKEY AND IAN A BABY

Fuck I need to rewatch the wedding

“Stupid gallagher” same

Mickey giving the Fanny pack back my boy is such a Good Samaritan wow I raised you so well I’m so proud my perfect son

SHIT I JUST REALIZED WHAT SONG IS PLAYING FUCK THIS YALL IM OUT 😭😭😭😭😭

Oh gosh I thought we were done seeing ian Gallagher’s dance moves

Why would they put us through that again

“Stupid Milkovich” you watch your mouth

But we love when a man learns from his mistakes

Now kiss

Mickey is beautiful damn ian is so lucky

Now this is the type of flashback I like to see

MICKEY SAYING HES SENSITIVE DO YALL REALIZE HOW BIG THAT IS?!

Ugh I love him so much

I’m so proud to be his mom

Okay unpopular opinion but I actually love that little how’d your bipolar tirade go how’d your stealing shit go

If you’ve been with someone through their rock bottoms you’ll understand how not offensive at all that interaction was

They both said things they felt bad about saying and now they’re having a bit of banter about it

“We work well together”

GUYES THEYRE ACTUALLY TALKING THINGS OUT THIS IS HUGE

They needed space after feelings got hurt but now they’re coming together to make up and actually talk things over

They’re learning and growing apart AND together

They both had the horrible childhoods and they’re doing their best

It takes years and years of therapy to work through deep rooted issues like that. I’m STILL seeing a therapist twice a week and I still have issues.

Just imagine. They’re how old? Mid to late twenties and neither of them have properly dealt with their issues and mental health problems. You can’t expect them to be the perfect couple you read about in fanfics. Yeah shameless is over the top but it’s a tv show that has stayed on the air for 11 seasons BECAUSE of how over the top it is. Stop expecting these characters to be healed healthy woke changed characters from one season to the next when they haven’t even properly dealt with their issues and it would honestly be very ooc if they did deal with their issues in a healthy way

I wish they would but that’s not the shameless way.

Well that was a long rant but honestly it was needed

Ugh I hate reliving terry this is the worst my heart is breaking

I skipped fast

Terry is definitely worse but yeah they’re both pieces of shit

Shit I forgot how abusive frank was

They both deserve so much better

They’re so cute oh gosh

We love communication

Okay but fr taking a bath with your SO isn’t as romantic as people think or maybe I’m just not a romantic lmao

Unless it’s a big bathtub with leg room

Mickey has the best lines

He’s so funny 😭😭😭

Mickey loves being manhandled✨✨✨✨

Honestly? I really think they would be really into some safe consensual bdsm play and they deserve to have that

PICK HIM UP IAN PLEASE ITS WHAT HE WANTS

fucking love you

I love you too

MUTUAL I LOVE YOUS ARE MY FAVORITE THING

IAN LOVES TO DO THE THUMB THING I CANT

HE DID IT EIGHT TIMES IN THREE SECONDS I COUNTED

they’re so perfect for each other :(((

A kissing compilation 😭😭

THE S7 VAN KISS HAS MY HEART

I still want a scene of Mickey making fun of Ian’s black hair

THE WEDDING 😭😭😭

I’m in tears again

THE KEY CHANGE WITH IAN SAYS MICKEY STILL GETS ME 😭😭😭😭

“Now?” HOW DOES ONE WORD GET SUCH A BIG REACTION FROM ME

I deserved to be at that wedding 😭😭😭

“But not these newlyweds” damn right

THE BLOOPERS

I love them so much

I LOVE SEEING NOEL AND CAM AT WORK

What a treat

SWEET LOVING MOUTH

THE THUMB THING AGAIN

JUST FOR ME

I MISS SEASONN FOUR MICKEY I WANNA GO WATCH HIM NOW

I love Mickey more than anything 😭😭

Okay that was so much better than I was expecting! I know I ranted a lot and I’m probably gonna get some angry comments and messages but I honestly don’t care. Have your opinion and I’ll have my own and if you wanna discuss things like adults I’ll reply but if not then I don’t have time for the negativity. My boys actually communicated and didn’t self sabotage for once and I’m so proud. I love not being as invested as I used to be because now I can actually enjoy their scenes! Anyway it’s late where I’m at and I haven’t been getting much sleep so I’m gonna stop rambling. Let me know what you thought of this episode! Oh and real quick! I noticed I got a flood of new followers in the past two weeks so i just wanted to say feel free to send me messages on and off anon! I like talking to y’all! I promise I’m nice lol! Okay bye I love Mickey so much!

[twdmusicboxmystery]

Emily’s Instagram Live

Okay, let’s talk about what Emily said on her live, yesterday. Actually, it was kind of funny. @fangipanilove messaged me about it, but I couldn’t sit down and watch it right away because I was with my niece and nephew. But she said I would probably get all kinds of messages and Asks about it. And almost instantly, the messages started rolling in. ;D Do we know our fandom or what?

Okay, so if you didn’t watch it, you can do so HERE.

During this live, Emily is answering questions. She gets one about if she will be returning to TWD and she says, “Not that I know of, but that would be fun, wouldn’t it? If I got asked, I’d probably do it.” So naturally, that’s causing some concern in our fandom.

(Thanks to @doeroseq​ for this edit.)

I can address this from two different angles: what she says, and how she says it.

What Emily says:

Yes, she seems to say that she won’t be returning anytime soon. But you guys have to remember that TWD actors sign dictionary-sized, iron-clad contracts. They legally CANNOT reveal spoilers. If they were to do it anyway, they would be fired, sues, and likely never work in the industry again. That’s not an exaggeration.

Two examples to illustrate when we’ve seen this in the past.

A. When Lenny James returned for S5, he told a story about how while filming, they wanted to keep his return super-secret. Instead of putting him up at a hotel (because they feared him being seen by spoiler cameras) they had him stay with a local couple who rented out their basement apartment. They didn’t even know who they would be hosting, other than that it was someone who was going to be filming for S5 of the show. 

And to hear Lenny tell it, the way the show drilled into this couple’s that they couldn’t tell ANYBODY the identity of their lodger--no way, no how, or else—bordered on harassment. (Okay, not really, but you get the idea.) When the woman saw Lenny James (she was a local and a fan of the show, so she definitely knew who he was) she’s was like, “Ah, YOU’RE the reason.”

So the point is, when they don’t want something spoiled, they’re very aggressive about it. (Which is why so many of us believe that when spoilers DO come out, they’re leaked by the show itself, but that’s a topic for another day.

B. I use this as an example a lot, but that’s only because it’s a real-life, proven thing we can point to. Remember when between S6 and S7, before we knew for certain who Negan’s victim would be, every single actor who was asked about it said they didn’t know? It was kind of a ridiculous lie since they’d FILMED the scene, but the point is, they looked straight into the eyes of the fans and lied.

And I’m really not hating on them for it. Look, you can be as angry as you want at the actors and writers for lying about things, but the fact is, it’s in their contracts. You could argue it’s not really their fault.

I do believe they’re very careful with their words, planning them whenever possible and going out of their way to not lie if they don’t have to, simply because they’re uncomfortable with it and don’t like lying to fans.

But when they get pinned down and asked directly, they will lie rather than tell spoilers. And we have precedent for that.

So, if Emily really isn’t returning, she’ll say she isn’t returning. If she actually IS returning, she’ll still say she isn’t returning. We’re going to get the same answer either way. Just keep that in mind.

How Emily says it:

Before I actually watched the clip, the way people described it to me, I thought it was a question that really flustered and frustrated her. Again, it was just the way people were describing it to me and I made an assumption before watching for myself.

So, when I did watch, it surprised me how NOT flustered she was. She answered quickly and easily and even smiled when she said it.

That’s really not the norm for Emily. In fact, back in S6, TD got all suspicious because they kept canceling Emily’s TWD panels. Then she did an interview Kate Nash, who has a huge social media following, but isn’t mainstream or affiliated with the show.  (X)

And it wasn’t a formal interview, actually. She just invited Emily to watch episode 6x09 with her live. I don’t think Emily realized Kate knew anything about TD or would ask about it, but she did. Emily got all flustered and very obviously avoided answering questions and tried to redirect Kate’s attention. We all joked that this is why they kept cancelling Emily’s panels: she really has no poker face. (X)

And has she gotten better at answering questions about Beth’s return over the years? Sure! But that still suggests she’s had to get better at lying about it.

So, the instant I watched it, I felt like this was a question she was super-prepared for (maybe it was even planted?) and that’s why she answered it with such serene confidence. She was expecting it and had an answer all prepared.

So then I sat back an started thinking about it, especially the timing of it. And the more I thought, the more suspicious I got.

From what I can tell, it’s less that she said it that’s freaking everyone out and more that she hasn’t said this so directly much, if at all, over the years since Coda. This feels like a direct confirmation, which we haven’t had before.

But guys, they also haven’t said Beth’s name in the last 6 years, either.

I find it highly suspicious that after 10x17 comes out, when her name is mentioned twice and EVERYONE is talking about her and the sister theme (not just our fandom but other TWD fans, too) that suddenly Emily gets this question in a live. Her answer is, unlike what is usual for her, direct, serene, confident, and said with a smile. In it, she directly refutes her return, while simultaneously hinting that “someday she might.”

Yeah, I’m really not buying it.

It actually reminds me of when she was filming the missing scenes in the white cabin back during S5. Spoiler cameras actually caught her—recognized by her yellow polo and blond ponytail—getting out of a white van and going into that cabin. The instant it hit the airwaves (everyone was so glad she was filming bc it meant Beth was alive and not eaten at Terminus—Emily instant jumped on Twitter and tweeted that she was going to the movies with some friends. 

Even the spoiler site who famously hated Beth’s character laughed about what an obvious attempted-misdirect that was. Especially because it came RIGHT after fans started figuring stuff out.

This feels the same to me.

On a slightly different note (but somewhat relevant) it seems that they MIGHT not be releasing 10x18 early. I don’t know for certain, so we’ll just have to wait and see, but I read an article that said that because they released 10x17 a week early, the people who watched it early spoiled it for those that didn’t and half the fan based was pissed off, so they might not release 10x18 early. 

That doesn’t seem like a very good reason, to me. Not that I don’t sympathize with those who don’t want to be spoiled, but they’ve been releasing episodes 2 days early for several years, now, and people who watch early almost always post about it online. 

I’m sure releasing it 7 days early instead of 2 compounded the problem, but they MUST have known that going in. Why pick now to suddenly decide spoilers aren’t a good thing? It seems like a made up reason to me, which means there’s some other reason they are contemplating not releasing the episode early.

I truly have no idea what it is, but my TD brain can’t help but wonder if it’s because SO MANY people are talking about Beth and the possibility of her return in the wake of 10x17. And I’m not suggesting that she’ll return in 10x18 or anything. I’m not at all expecting that. I’m just saying something’s going on there.

So I get why some people might be upset about Emily’s live, but don’t be. We have plenty of precedent for them lying about what’s going to happen in the show, misdirecting when people get too close to the truth, and Emily was just entirely too happy to answer that question, in my opinion. My take on it: tptb are doing damage control. ;D