#perfect now series 2019

[2tiedships2]

Perfect Now series, Vol. 10 (2019)  5/28

[fangirl-dot-com]

🛏 Too Many Beds

*part of the reverse tropes series*

Pairing: Lando Norris x Engineer!Reader Genre: Fluff/Humor Summary: Lando had a master plan to get you in his bed. Too bad everyone seems to mess it up. And who knew you were terrified of bed bugs?

this was so much fun to write and I'm so excited for this mini series! New upload schedule will probably be Reputations on Friday and Reverse Tropes on Saturday!

TAG LIST CLOSED

Your hand gripped your suitcase as you stood in the lobby of the hotel. Of course, McLaren thought that it would be a good idea for some more team bonding before the season started and book an entire hotel. However, they forgot to mention that some of the people had to share rooms. 

How you got placed with Lando, you didn’t know. You had seen Oscar snickering earlier when Zac had read the list of who shared what room. Your face was beat red as you tried to hide in your team zip up. Your eyes flickered to Lando, only to find him fast asleep against the window of the bus. There was some drool on his lip, and anyone else would have found that semi-disgusting. 

But not you. 

It was kind of…endearing. 

But now that you were getting your key card and were in the elevator with a very sleepy Lando, your heartrate increased. You had tried to get your own room when you had gotten there, but Zac was intent with you sharing. 

Something about driver and engineer comradery. 

The floor before when Oscar got off, he had leaned over and whispered, “Have fun with the one bed.”

That statement made your face even redder. Of course that would happen to you. It was straight out of Tumblr or Wattpad. The one trope that you seemed to hate over everything. One bed normally meant that it was a single or a queen. And you were known for flopping everywhere.

Poor Lando probably wouldn’t get to sleep before the first rounds of development. 

Although he was sleepy, Lando, on the other hand, was vibrating with excitement. 

He had the whole thing planned out. He had requested to be put in a room with you. And then he swapped rooms with Oscar, because the Aussie had a girlfriend, ergo he had a single bed room. It was going to be perfect. Oscar would get the room with two beds, and Lando would just have to share a bed with you. 

The Briton had had heart eyes for you ever since you joined his rookie season in 2019. And when you had been promoted to his race engineer, the crush he had grew tenfold. He could see your face getting more red the longer it took to get to the room. 

“You ready?” he asked you before he used his card to unlock the door. 

“Let’s get this over with,” you muttered, just wanting to sleep. At this point, you were planning to go to bed right away so that you didn’t have to deal with Lando crawling into bed behind you. You’d be asleep at that point, giving yourself no time to ogle at his chest (if he slept with a shirt off as most guys did.) 

The click of the lock indicated that the door could be opened and Lando took the initiative. This was it. 

Lando was going to live his dream. 

Except, his heart dropped when he noticed that there wasn’t one bed. 

There wasn’t even two beds. 

The room had three beds.

What. the. actual. fu....

Lando was going to kill whoever messed this up. His heart dropped farther when he saw your eyes kind of light up at the sight of beds to choose from. The McLaren driver bit his lip as he assessed the problem. 

You missed Lando’s agitation and put your things on the bed by the window. You turned to Lando, now confused at his pinched eyebrows. 

“Did you want the one by the window?” you asked, suddenly mad at yourself for just going ahead without asking the driver his preference. 

Lando immediately shook his head. “I like sleeping by the bathroom.” 

You gave him a smile. “Ok. Can I shower real fast? I go to sleep a little early.” 

That was a lie. You just didn’t want to be awake when Lando went to bed. Who knows what you’d be staring at. Your mind immediately went to the abs and v-line. You shook your head, trying to rid yourself of the unholy thoughts. 

You quickly opened your suitcase, grabbed your pajamas, and disappeared behind the bathroom door. 

Once Lando was sure that you wouldn’t come out, he quickly pulled out his phone and texted Oscar. It was to his horror that Oscar had sent a picture of the singular king that was supposed to hold you and Lando in tonight. 

Except that now it would be for Oscar and Oscar only. 

The Briton wanted to rip his hair out. He started pacing before he knew it.

How could he fix this?

He could lie and say he had separation anxiety and needed to sleep with someone. But you’d see right through and ask who else he’d shared a bed with. 

He could spill a drink on your bed? That also wouldn’t work because then you’d question why he had a drink around your things while you were in the shower. Lando didn’t want to come off as a giant creep. 

He was still pacing when he heard the door open up. 

His body turned to face you, but he immediately averted his eyes. Not because you were undressed, but because your pajamas were the cutest thing on you. You were wearing one of those silk tank tops with the smallest shorts possible. 

Lando watched as your feet got closer to your bed. His thoughts were flying around at 100 miles an hour. He had to do something quickly. Your hand pulled back the bedding when Lando yelled. 

“Hold on. I think I saw some bugs on my bed and yours.” 

The screech that you let out made Lando wince. You reeled back as though the duvet had burnt you. You quickly made your way closer to Lando. 

“Where are the bed bugs?” 

Lando couldn’t really tell, but he thinks he can hear your teeth chattering. You were getting antsy.

“Are you that scared of some small bugs?” 

You crept closer to Lando. 

“My childhood house got infected and we had to move. I also got such a bad infection from bites.” 

Lando immediately felt terrible. He didn’t know. If he had, he wouldn’t have said anything and just sucked it up and slept in his own bed. He looked at you. He could see that you were close to tears. His arm immediately went around your shoulders and brought you closer. 

You huffed. “Can we go down to see if they have any other rooms on our floor?” 

The brunet nodded. He looked you up and down before he turned around and dug through his suitcase. You wondered what he was doing before a hoodie hit your chest. It was the dark green one that you absolutely loved on him. You gave him a confused look. 

“Ah, your pajamas.” 

Oh. 

You looked down and realized that you were just in a very thin tank.

Without a bra.

And the room was cold. 

Your face flushed as you quickly pulled the hoodie over your head. The ends of the hoodie landed mid-thigh. You knew Lando was taller than you, but you didn’t expect his hoodie to fall that far down. 

Lando couldn’t take his eyes off you and you giggled and did a little spin, showing off how the green material looked on you. 

You were so worried that you’d have a staring problem, that you completely missed Lando’s staring problems. 

Once you were done, you headed to the doorway, Lando hot on your feet. He should have felt guilty about lying, but you were in his clothes and that made every feeling go away. The elevator ride was quiet, but comforting instead of awkward. The ding of the machine signaled that you two made it to the ground floor. 

Lando stepped out first, followed by you. Before you got to the front desk, Lando pulled the back of the hoodie, making you halt. You gave him a confused look. He dug his wallet out of his back pocket and handed you his card. 

“I know you’re a bit scared of the bugs, so I’ll handle it. You want to get us some snacks?” 

Lando melted at your eyes lighting up as you nodded. You wordlessly took his card and spun around, now walking in the direction of the little shop. He knew that you were always picky with snacks, so he’d have a bit of time. 

He exhaled heavily as he walked up to the front desk. The receptionist cocked an eyebrow, probably not expecting anyone at this late hour. 

His hands rested on the counter. 

“So, me and a friend are staying in room 444, and I might have seen a few bed bugs on one of the beds.” 

Lando winced as he lied. The lady’s eyes widened and she started typing. 

“Ok, we’ll have someone come up and inspect it with one of our bug-dogs.” 

Another wince. “Is that really necessary? Can we just move rooms?” 

Some more typing. “I don’t think that’s possible sir. We have to inspect the room just in case. If it’s all clear, then the room will still be able to be slept in.” 

Lando looked around before leaning in slightly. 

“Ok, here’s the deal. I’m in love with the friend that I’m staying with. We were supposed to have a room with a single bed so I could make a move. But something happened and we got placed in a room with three beds instead of one. I panicked and lied about the bugs. Is there any way I can just switch rooms? I'll pay extra.” 

Lando had hope in his eyes as he heard more typing. 

“I’m sorry sir, but there aren’t any more rooms available for tonight. You’ll have to stay in the room you have.” 

He hung his head as he nodded. 

“Sorry for the inconvenience,” he muttered. When he turned around, he was met with you holding multiple snacks and some drinks. He hoped that you hadn’t heard anything. Thankfully, you didn’t mention his conversation. 

As you walked into the elevator you asked, “So do we get to move rooms?” 

Lando sighed. “There aren’t any available.” 

You chewed on your lip. “Maybe, we can look at the middle bed and see if there are any there?” 

He could kiss you right then and there. Lando went quiet for a minute. 

“Only if that’s ok with you?” 

You immediately nodded. 

“I just don’t want any bugs on me. I think you’ll be able to keep me safe.” 

The attempt at the wink that followed made Lando laugh as he got off the elevator. You couldn’t help but giggle as you followed him. Lando thought it was the cutest thing he ever heard. When you stepped into the room, you first headed to your luggage to pull it off the “bug infested” bed. 

You placed it high on one of the dressers. Lando followed in suit. 

Before you knew it, you and Lando were both under the covers of the middle bed after a full inspection that it was safe. 

Lando was a bit skeptical that you hadn’t pushed to inspect the bed you were supposed to sleep in. Part of him wanted to believe that you also wanted to share a bed. But he wouldn’t dwell on the thought. 

The snacks that you bought were quickly consumed, laughter shared between the two of you as you watched videos on Lando’s phone. You didn’t know exactly when it happened, but your head had started to rest on his shoulder. Lando took this opportunity to put his arm around the back of your neck. 

Lando remained oblivious and was sure that this plan was working. You were scared and found sanctuary in his arms. 

Except for the fact that you had overheard everything. Your phone was currently buzzing with messages from Oscar but you’d never let Lando know that. 

Well. 

You sighed as you unattached yourself from Lando’s side. You turned your face so that you could look into his eyes. 

Half the time, you didn’t even know what color they were. Some days they were the brightest blue, others they looked more green, and the in the shade they were brown. 

You smirked as you got closer. 

“So, what did you tell the lady about getting me into your bed hm?” 

You watched as a blush invaded Lando’s face before he put his hands over his face. Tik Tok was abandoned on the bedsheets below. 

“I’m so sorry,” he muttered. You brought your hands up and peeled his own away from his face. Lando’s eyes flickered as he looked for some type of malice on your face. However, he only saw a smirk and a fiery look. He inhaled sharply. 

“I have had a major crush on you since 2019. And when Zac said he’d be pairing people up, I begged him to get a room with one bed for us. We were supposed to switch with Oscar and this room was supposed to only have one bed. But, I guess Zac took it upon himself to already do it so I wouldn’t have to switch, but we did anyway.” 

“Lando, I know. You think Oscar could keep a secret for that long?” 

The brunet paused, blinked, stared at you, and blinked again. 

“I’m going to kill Oscar.” 

You giggled, making Lando melt once again. 

“You’re not going to kill Oscar.” 

A grumble escaped his lips as they turned into a pout. You took this moment to lean down and lightly peck them. 

Once again, Lando froze. 

“So, should we actually get some sleep?” 

He could only nod his head, still not comprehending that you had actually kissed him and his plan worked semi-well. 

You turned around and rested your head on the pillow. Just a few moments later, Lando’s arm found a home in the crook of your waist. He gently pulled, bringing your back closer to his chest. 

So maybe he didn’t actually sleep shirtless, but that was fine because his head dug into your neck, just at your hairline. Lando breathed in deeply, getting situated.

Maybe the one bed trope did work.

You felt him smirk against your neck, but you thought he was close to sleep. 

Until he spoke up. 

“Sleep tight Y/n. Don’t let the bed bugs bite.” 

“I’m going to murder you instead.”  

y/n_l/n has posted

y/n_l/n I let the love bug bite 🐞 🌲

liked by mclaren, lando_norizz, papayaduo, oscarpiastri, and 104,948 others

y/nxlando UHHH HARD LAUNCH??

papaya.nation I knew that sweatshirt looked familiar when they walked in the paddock today!

landonorris4 the fact that he had a back up hoodie as well

formulala_delulu the couple who matches together - stays together 💚

oscarpiastri good to see that it all worked out in the end 😌

y/n_l/n let's not do that again, ok?

landonorris I thought you liked it tho 😙

y/n_l/n let it be know, you don't possess any rizz

oscarpiastri 🫵😂

loscar I need to know the lore behind this

norris4ever maybe he'll get a win now that he doesn't have to pine after y/n

mclaren814 my parents!

TAG LIST: @fionaschicken @myxticmoon @cherry-piee @blueberry64857959 @glitterquadricorn @lizzypiastri @sam-is-lost @spilled-coffee-cup @ilove-tswizzle @the-untamed-soul @allenajade-ite @starssfall @torchbearerkyle @judespoision @halfdeadsage @juniper-july19 @severewobblerlightdragon @thatgirlmj @gods-menace @ineedafictionalman @namgification @dark-night-sky-99 @samantha-chicago @2pagenumb @treehouse-mouse @fangirl125reader @megatrilss1885 @kagatinkita @itsjustkhaos @nikfigueiredo @awekbachira @vellicora @skepvids @sunrizef1 @stan-josie @fanficweasley @hiireadstuff @barcelonaloverf1life @c-losur3 @graciewrote @bruhhhhhhhhehhhhhhh @tallrock35 @ashy-kit @kat-s2 @minkyungseokie @lozzamez3 @leslieis-crying @adventuresofrose @lighttsoutlewis @e-nonsense

[theafterglow83]

Stray thoughts from an unhinged mind caused by a song called Robin

Since my teens, I have always been a Karlie Kloss fan. No amount of vitriol from the Swifty’s has ever strayed or strained my conviction that Karlie is on many levels, and aside from being absolutely gorgeous, a better human being than Taylor Swift.

By that I mean she seems to project a warmth and a level of kindness and humanity out into the world that is so pure and honest, when compared to Taylors, sometimes vengeful and darker persona ~as well as her being Queen Mother to one of the worlds most vindictive and exhausting cults who would gladly fillet anyone at “Mother’s “ request. Taylor (the brand) has made a career and a fortune from feeding her tales of romantic misfortune and presumed ex lovers to her hungry mob with merchandise to match.

Karlie on the other hand has a nurturing and supportive side to her and don’t let her beautiful and seductive exterior fool you for below that sultry surface she gives off a warm and fuzzy golden vibe- like a puppy. She’s sophisticated, highly intelligent, NYC chic and street smart , often silly and maturing like fine wine while somehow becoming more beautiful as she ages. She also appears to be one Hell of a good mother to those babies.

All that being said about their personalities is exactly why I believe Karlie’s sunshine is the perfect match for Taylor and her moody, broken, impulsive ,often over indulgent, midnight rain personality. Not only are they equal in status - they have a Yin Yang balance to them - Only that sunshine can dry up the rain in Taylor .

I’ll continue.

While listening to songs off of the TTPD I was stopped dead in my tracks when I came to the song, Robin. I listened three times and found a tear rolling down my right cheek. I was choked up and the tiny hairs on my arms stood up . To say I was moved would be an understatement. There was something so raw, so pure and so loving in those lyrics. I had to sit with my thoughts for a while but I feel the need to share them now among those who i consider “my people”.

The Kaylors.

Sidebar confession: Yes, I’m a Kaylor.

I firmly believe Taylor Swift, and Karlie Kloss had a long running romantic relationship. They were more than friends. They were lovers too. The level of denial it takes to doubt that is astonishing. It wasn’t just Kissgate that sealed the deal. It’s the way those two looked at each other and communicated in a secret language all their own. They were deeply in love.

I believe it all started prior to the public meet up at the VS Fashion Show and even long before the “your kitchen or mine cookie “tweet.

I believe Taylor and Karlie first met when Taylor was showing up at fashion shows that Karlie was walking in as far back as 2009. Where they had a relationship then? Probably not because they were both involved with others but the sparks were flying. Thats when the foundation was laid. The attraction was there. The seeds planted. Destiny and the Universe did the rest.

Think Love Story lyrics

“We were both young when I first saw you” which I believe Taylor wrote about Karlie and which also happens to be Karlies favorite song. I believe they had an ongoing relationship that continued on until late 2017-early 2018 and then I believe something happened and they broke up, as many long-term relationships often do. My guts tell me it was cheating and it was on Taylor’s part and the regret from that will haunt Taylor for her entire life because it caused the trajectory of their path to change.

Karlie married in 2018 yet many speculate they were still together and the unofficial story is the real trouble actually came in mid 2019.

Taylor was furious over the masters, fingers were pointing everywhere, cheating rumors flew. This entire story certainly has all the drama of a Netflix series that could easily do 8 seasons

There’s so much more to this Masters incident than the public is aware of. Also the fact that Josh’s families company ~ the Carlisle Group provided the funding to Scooter is an often overlooked storyline.

Was Taylor angry at Karlie for that but how could Karlie control that if she was even in that loop of that drama. Or~ was there more -because in any good mystery - there’s always several layers more .

What did Scooter have to leverage getting that kind of money from them to buy the masters? Being Karlie’s manager at the time perhaps he has something on her or Taylor or both of them and used it as that leverage . It’s a whole other rabbit hole that I don’t have time to visit right now but regardless Taylor is still angry about to this very day which tells me it goes way deeper and my gut feeling is that Taylor’s dad was the one involved with knowing things and not Karlie Kloss who got fed to the sharks over the situation.

So I’m going on record here saying I never believed Karlie had anything to do with Masters Heist. I believe that story was used as an explanation to explain their separation. I know there’s a whole other level of messy lore involving this and a love blackout and Trumps election and Karlie’s association with the Kushner’s but I’m going to skip over that season and move on -except to say that it was absolutely shameful the level of hate Karlie was forced to endure because of that and still her sun shinned while she was being made the villain online and much of it still continues to this day. At any point during that scandal Karlie could have spoken out but she didn’t. She quietly took one for the team.

I’m not going to pretend that I know what happened during that murky period or what is happening now - because honestly -I do not…but there have been a strange set clues and way too many “koincidences to simply chalk up to being coincidences.

It’s just a gut feeling but I also don’t believe their connection went fully went away or ever will for that matter. They are and will forever be tied together even in the times they are apart but I kinda think they reunited ( again) in early to mid 2020.

I’ve read all the theories. I’ve heard all the rumors ,I’ve been to the rabbit hole, I’ve climbed out, I’ve fallen back in, and most days now you’ll find me sitting on the edge dangling my feet still and kinda wondering. I live my life ~ they live theirs.

So am I a LSK?

No, not really, but some days …ok, maybe. You see for as much as I try to say no…there’s just this tiny string I can’t help but see so I keep my feet planted on the ground but my mind open.

By open I mean open to the possibility that Taylor and Karlie are in one of those kind of “relationships” where as hard as they try ~they just can’t seem to quit each other and they go through periods of on and off times. “pauses” is what I like to call the brakes or bumps along the way. You know that couple that’s over but they’re never really over ?

Where are they now? I have no idea.

Taylor has another year of touring and promoting and probably Travis. My money says Taylor Swift will be the halftime show at next years Super Bowl.

Karlie, along with her modeling contacts ( Carolina Herrera, Estée Lauder, Donna Karen etc ) is venturing into the business world. Along with running Kode with Klossy, she’s CEO of her newly formed media company. She bought I-D magazine and also Life magazine, which Josh also invested in , this year. She’s got a lot on her plate

Yes, Karlie is married but is she really married in the traditional sense of what we all consider marriage to be? On the surface, yes… but once again- the layers and the lore here is incredible.

What a character she’d be on that Netflix show I imagine in my head . Just give her an Emmy already.

Does she love Josh? I’m absolutely sure she does- but the real question is…is she IN love with Josh? You know- romantic love -which, I as an observer ~don’t believe she is or ever has been. You can just kinda tell and no matter how many pictures she posts the connection just isn’t there and whenever I see her with her beautiful babies (even if he’s in the photo) she gives off that “ single mother vibe “

That level of chemistry, no matter how the pictures are posed~ or the hand in hand walks are staged -the passion ~ the look in their eyes - it just isn’t there and honestly it never was.

They have always given off that bff energy and frankly ~ Karlie’s friendship with her “big brother “ Derek actually feels more real, relaxed and genuine.Then there are the gay rumors ( past and present) surrounding their entire little multiverse ~but we won’t go into them right now either. We’d be here all night.

And yes, Taylor has had her share of public relationships but have they been real? Have they had their moments? probably. Did some become more than PR for a brief period of time. Possibly She’s been linked to everyone she even walks by or talks to but somehow it all pales and fades in time. I’m sure there have been flings along the way but flings don’t fly and usually run their course in that 9 1/2 week period that flings seem to take.

If I’m being honest, as I observe from the treetops all of Taylor’s relationships and Karlies relationship with Josh, they never reach the level of the real connection and happiness that I saw between Taylor and Karlie. That’s something you just can’t fake or reproduce with another .

Whatever is going on with Travis is so cringey and sadly embarrassing.I tend to think it’s PR but if it’s real then he truly is her obnoxious karma and karma isn’t usually a good thing. But hey the moneys good. Maybe they’ll even get lavender married so she can stay in her closet and continue to throw red meat to the $wifties.

The future is yet unwritten.

All that being said, I’ll get back to my original point of this ramble and that’s a song called Robin.

So yes, I’ve heard the rumors, I’ve read the theories, I’ve seen photographs of visual evidence. Karlie Kloss was in Los Angeles during the pandemic, the same place where Taylor was in fort part of 2020. When she returned to NYC if you count the months - she was pregnant even if she didn’t look it. I also believe Karlie was there in the shadows during the Long Pond Studio recordings in Upstate NY. Jack kind of gave it away when he referenced “Joe the dog” as being who he thought Taylor was talking about when she said “ Joe and I wrote a song”

I’ve also heard the rumor that there was a ceremony between them that they tried to pass off as a ceremony between Taylor and Joe which Tree later denied that there was ever a ceremony of “any type”.

Ok buckle up because here it comes

I’ve seen the “turkey baster”( IVF ) post that Karlie made. Like who uses a turkey baster in May? What an odd thing to do unless you were signaling an IVF pregnancy situation. Regardless ~ she was extremely happy that day.

I’ve seen the cinnamon buns post ( think the expression “buns in the oven ) that Taylor made a few days later back in May 2020. She was “proud” of her cinnamon buns.

Happy & proud …hum

Is that a crazy set of coincidences? Hand on whatever holy book you set before me ~ I’d have to say “yes”

And it’s Absolutely crazy considering the fact that Levi was born a little over nine months later.

Add in the fact of how emotional Taylor got accepting her Grammy for Folklore when Arron thanked his “ wife and kids “during the acceptance speech.

For a few moments there you could feel the raw emotion in her as she nearly burst into tears andJack tried to console her. Blonde was gutted. It cut deep.

Sidebar:

Yes Aaron has a son named Robin but he’s 9 years old and other than the name cleverly used for gentle cover of the truth in case damage control is ever needed~ there is no connection to that child or a secret, no showmanship to cover it up or anything that would make Taylor react as she did. Other than his name there is no connection to the words in the song

But the fact that Levi’s birth was announced during the Grammys absolutely does connect.

So I’ll just put a pin in that and move on.

Listening to that ballad yesterday rocked my entire world . It was so soft, gentle and living. So heart wrenching that I just let my emotions flow through me as my mind wandered back gathering and processing all the previous rumors and lore I had heard along the way. It left me rattled as it tumbled through memories. Could it all have been true?

So now I’m just gonna say it out loud running the risk of being attacked and also sounding like a supermarket tabloid…here goes “could Levi be Karlie’s and Taylor’s child?”

I know it sounds crazy…secret love child but …

I’m not trying to out anyone and I want to respect the fact that a child is involved here. Honestly I had second and third thoughts about posting this but if I’m being real ~ it’s also a collective of things that have been shared openly about Taylor and Karlie here for years. Somehow the song was like a puzzle piece that snapped into place.

…those loving words ,the emotion in Taylor‘s voice as she sings about her strong heartfelt attachment to a young toddler, as she encourages him in being wild and free in his wonder years, playing with abandon and roaring at the dinosaurs~

There was real love in those words

.

.

Looking out his window over his kingdom (NYC) and speaking gibberish

She also advocates for him keeping his innocence for as long as possible and then speaks of a secret that a inner circle of people have chosen to keep from him” in sweetness” to protect him and the “showmanship” to cover up that secret that he has no idea of.

And as she watches his unabashed play in his toddler purity she prophesies there will come a time in the future when the world he faces will have harsh words for him and she reminds him that he will bounce back like he now does on his trampoline.

“ and you have no idea

Buried down deep and out of your reach

the secret we all vowed

to keep it from you in sweetness

strings tied to levers

slowed down clocks tethers

all the showman ship

to keep it from you in sweetness

way to go, tiger

I’m not crying , you are and Levi looks just like his mommy 🤍

.

Let’s keep this in the family ✌️🤍🏳️‍🌈

God I love this show .

Stay tuned for next season

[netherfeildren]

Someone's Wife in the Boat of Someone's Husband .1

Series Masterlist : Moodboard

(Joel Miller x F!Reader)

Summary: What do you do when you meet a woman, have a child, get married, and then find the love of your life?

-OR- 

A Joel infidelity AU

Content Warnings: Discussions of alcoholism and parent death.

Rating: Explicit 18+

A/N: Hi, everyone. Welcome to the new story. 

Disclaimer to begin with. Joel is married in this, but it is, and always has been, a marriage of convenience. There has never been any sort of emotional or physical intimacy between him and his wife apart from when Sarah was conceived. 

Like always, I promise there will be a happy ending, and that there will be lots of other fun :) stuff to make up for the occasional tears. 

I appreciate you all so much. Happy (lol I guess) reading. xx 

Art is The pain that keeps on giving, Noelia Towers, (2018-2019). Title of the story comes from this film.

Word Count: 6.8K

Read on AO3

.1

Life changes in the instant. The ordinary instant.

Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking 

The first time you’d fucked, it was like you’d never been touched by a man before. The first time he’d looked at you, like you’d never been seen, in the entirety of your existence, prior to that moment. Every other time after that, every touch, every look, was the same – a rebirth of sorts. And a devastation. Something not to be understood or conceptualized, only experienced. 

Taking that into account, it’s no surprise that things unfolded as they did – ended as they did. 

-

“Please, please, come with us,” Gerri drags the vowels out and hits you with the puppy dog eyes. You shake your head at her, smiling, packing up your supplies from tonight’s lesson. “It’s going to be so fun, I promise. Tommy’s sister-in-law hates my guts, I know, what-fucking-ever, but my sister and her girlfriend will be there, and my best friend’s planning on coming too. And there’s an extra bedroom, it’ll be perfect, I swear.”

“Yeah, I remember the sister-in-law from Easter.” Of course you remember her from that day. Gerri had invited you to their family barbecue, and the woman had pitched a fit that Tommy’s girlfriend, somehow posed as an insult, had dared invite someone without asking her permission first. It was also the first time you’d met him. And he was, by far and large, the reason you’d stayed away and evaded all subsequent invitations since then. Even if his wife had unapologetically said to your face that she found it crazy that people still party crashed, no matter that that hadn’t been what you’d meant to do, hadn’t known you were party crashing. She’d also thrown away the bunny cake you’d stayed up the entire night before making. No gluten in the house or something, even though the hamburger and hot dog buns had all been regular. 

“Oh my fucking God, Easter. Don’t even remind me. I know, I know.” She gives you a pointed look and you huff a laugh at her. “But that was months ago. Her and Joel were on the outs then, or… had just gotten back together… I can’t ever keep up. And well… they’re still on the outs now–” She scrunches up her face into the cutest little frown. You love Gerri so much. From the first moment she’d shown up for your Tuesday night ceramics class at the community college, she’d immediately decided that not only were you going to propel her into the upper echelons of the great sculptors of the world, the greater Austin area – her words, not yours, but she’d also immediately decided that you were going to be friends, and no, you did not have a choice in the matter. 

“But they’re always on the outs. And things haven’t been as bad recently – according to Tommy. But honestly the fuck does he know about all that anyways. My poor baby is so clueless – but still, please, please please,” she begs, pouts your name over and over again. “Please, come with us?” She brings her clasped hands up under her chin in a pleading gesture, hits you with the puppy dog eyes again. 

You were so grateful for her. Despite your recalcitrance, it’d always been hard for you to make friends. A byproduct of who your mother was, being an only child, a largely solitary upbringing, et cetera, et cetera. You’d needed Gerri’s tenacious spark and kindness to pull you out of your shell. She wanted you to join her, her boyfriend Tommy, and their friends and family at a house they’d rented on Lake Austin for the weekend as a sort of end of summer farewell. And you did – you wanted to go, bunny cake murdering sister-in-law and all, but there was the issue of him.

You were… there was not a single phrase for what it was your mind turned into when that man and his name and his face invaded your psyche. So you’d done your best to avoid him in your mind and in real life, at all costs. He was – he was not something you were capable of considering. 

“I’m not sure if I can, Ger–” you say slowly, wracking your brain for an excuse. “There was– one of the other teachers at the elementary school–” Your day job, when you weren’t teaching night class ceramics, was as an elementary school art teacher, “Asked if I’d cover for them on Friday – summer school.” Stupid excuse, you roll your eyes at yourself. 

“Oh, shut up. The summer camp classes end early – you told me that last time! You could drive up after.” She sidles up to you now, rests her curly haired head on your shoulder. “Please, you’ve said no to everything I’ve invited you to since Easter. You aren’t avoiding me because of the shitshow that was, are you?” 

“No, of course not.” Yes, yes you were. Just not for the reason she thought. “I would just hate to impose–”

“You wouldn’t! I swear you wouldn’t be!”

“You all already have your plan, and I–”

“No! No. My sister’s the one renting the house, and she said I could invite whoever I wanted. So, no one can say anything,” she sticks her tongue out, rolling her eyes. “And Joel said I should invite you too. I’m pretty sure he still feels badly about last time also.” Fucking hell, you did not want him feeling bad for you. At all. Ever. You did not want him ever thinking about you ever, ever, ever. 

-

You stand over the kitchen trash bin, staring at your destroyed cake. Your grandmother used to make it every Easter. Four separate cake loaves all cut into the shapes for a face, two big pointy ears, and a cute little bow tie, with a pineapple filling, and all covered in little flakes of coconut and your homemade vanilla frosting. You used jelly beans to make the eyes and nose and dark frosting out of a piping bag for the whiskers and mouth. It was your favorite cake, one of your favorite memories, one of the only good ones. 

“Fucking Christ, she did not throw it away. Please, don’t tell me that’s the cake you brought.” Large hand gently placed between the wings of your shoulder blades to peer around you, not touching, but still there, still very close, and yes, that’s it, you’ve gotta get the fuck out of there now, away from this man.

“Oh, no. It’s okay – I– I mean– I should’ve asked before. I didn’t know you all were gluten free. I should’ve asked…”

“What? Glu–” he frowns. You knew his wife, Eva, had made that up. You step away from him, from his large warm palm that feels like it’s burning through your clothes and skin. He was really, really and truly the most unfairly gorgeous man you’d ever seen. He fucking terrified you. “Oh, yeah. The gluten.” He went along with the lie, passing the offending palm over his mouth, the wiry scruff of his beard rasping softly against what you imagined to be work roughened skin. He’d said he was a contractor. 

Gerri had invited you to her boyfriend's brother’s house for the Easter holiday. It was the first invitation to something you’d gotten since you’d moved to Austin six months ago, and you’d been so, so happy that she’d asked, had felt so sad you’d not have anyone to share your cake with. You’d planned to take it to work with you to leave in the teacher’s lounge for everyone to share. The thought had made the back of your eyes pinch, for some reason. 

“It’s alright. I actually need to head out. Could you let Gerri know? I– I’m–” you couldn’t think of a lie, and he was staring at you like he knew you had no real excuse – like he knew you were uncomfortable and out of place and were just looking for an excuse to leave. Embarrassment burned in your cheeks. 

“Don’t go, please. Stay for a while longer. I’m – fuck– I apologize about the cake–”

“No, no– really it’s–” you held out a staying hand, but he’d cut off your false appeasement.

“Please, stay.” He’d taken a step forward, closer to your retreating form, and you’d felt almost faint, dizzy at the image of him stepping closer to you. He was so tall, huge really, broad chest, thick arms, dark, lush curls and a scruffy jaw, a peek of chest hair covering the tantalizing golden skin at the opened button of his shirt. Sexy, deep Southern twang. The loveliest, warmest eyes you think you’d ever probably seen. You were going to try and mix the exact color of them when you got home, even though you knew you shouldn’t. You hadn’t been interested in a man in months, maybe longer, couldn’t remember the last time you’d had a crush, an anything on anyone, and now this man. Suddenly, blindingly, out of fucking nowhere – so damn attractive. Your eyes had fluttered shut for a second and you’d swallowed, trying to regain your balance – you’d known him for all of two hours and he already made you feel unbalanced. You needed to leave.

“Really, Joel,” his name on your tongue almost had a taste, “It’s okay.”

-

“He– He did?” you stutter. “He shouldn’t feel bad – he has nothing to feel bad about, it was nothing.” Lie – lie, lie, lie. Meeting him that day had been – it had been everything. You’d thought about it, him, for months afterwards. The sight of him with his three year old daughter, Sarah, the sweetest little thing you’d ever seen. Helping her hunt for the Easter eggs he’d hidden around their backyard, letting her crack the bright confetti filled shells over his head. His excitement for her when she’d finally found the basket he’d made up for her. He was a good father. 

“Yeah, and Tommy said he’d like to see you again too. And I told my sister about you, and she thinks all my pottery’s fucking amazing, by the way, and she wants to meet you too, and she’s even thinking of enrolling in the class next semester so really, really you’re obligated to come.” Fucking menace – she smiles sweetly. 

“Oh, fine. Fine, fine. I’ll come.” You’re putting away the last of your tools. “I’ll drive up Friday afternoon when I’m done at the school.” 

Immediate hopping squeals, and this is why you love her. She’s so happy, so open and silly, friendly and funny. All the things opposite to your restrained quiet, shy to the point of aggravation, sometimes. You didn’t want your constant refusals to alienate her. You could see him again, it would be fine. You’d met him once for Christ’s sake. It meant nothing. It had probably been nothing that day, heat exhaustion or a stomach ache or something. Nothing to fawn and stress over. You’d just be polite, cordial, keep your distance – especially from his wife. You did not, did not want to provoke her greater dislike. You’d keep your unwanted baking to yourself this time. It would all be fine. You wanted these people to like you, if you were being honest. A little desperately. Gerri and Tommy, her sister you hadn’t yet met – you wanted to be part of their group, one of their friends. They were all so kind, welcoming and fun, you couldn’t ruin this for yourself. 

Gerri had spilled the beans on the marriage over one afternoon of too many Mexican martini’s, an Austin specialty, and chips and salsa. They’d gotten married three years ago after Eva had gotten unexpectedly pregnant. Joel was traditional, he’d asked and eventually she’d agreed. They were both older than you, he’d just turned forty recently, and you guessed it’d made sense for them, at the time, but she’d left them soon after Sarah had been born. The marriage, the baby, hadn’t been in her plans, too much for her, Gerri said. They’d been separated for about a year and a half until she’d come back. They seemed to be trying to work it out now. Gerri claimed they were both miserable. You’d only met them the once – well, you’d seen Joel a few weeks ago, from a distance, when Tommy’d come to drop something off for Gerri before class, sitting in their truck. You don’t think he’d seen you – but you thought that their misery was very obviously apparent in that way that was easily recognizable to someone who, at one point, had existed in a house made only of misery. It breaks your heart for them all, in different ways, to recognize that singular brand of dissatisfaction that comes with living in a home where no happiness resided with you. 

But the reality of his marriage made you all the more terrified of him. To ever see him again. You wanted no part of that. Didn’t even want to exist in the same vicinity as someone who was experiencing something of that nature. You’d had enough of unhappy marriages and painful households in your own childhood. You never wanted to deal with that again. 

-

You’d read once that infidelity was a hereditary trait. Studies had shown that if you’d had a parent or even a sibling, someone in your household during your development, who’d been unfaithful, you were then more likely to also be unfaithful yourself. Something about that sort of childhood trauma inciting a propensity in the offspring to find it difficult to later on trust romantic partners, to incite trust themselves. Trust issues, emotional unavailability, baggage, blah, blah. Sometimes nature versus nurture was a real bitch, in your opinion. 

But as much as you wanted to call bullshit, the thought, the possibility of that being true, filled you with such an intense fear — debilitating, paralyzing, life altering. You found yourself with an immense inability to trust yourself, more than anything. Your greatest fear, the thing that scared you the most in all the world, was that you would be the perpetrator, that you would be the one to commit that sin. That you’d lose control, self awareness, morality, yourself. It wasn’t something your mind could even come to terms with, the possibility of hurting another person that way, betraying them in that manner. It seemed like the worst possible thing in the entire world that you could ever do to someone. After all, you’d watched your mother do it to your father, over and over again, your entire life, up until the point that she’d up and left the both of you. For many years, after her fateful abandoning, you’d watched him drink himself into a stupor and then into a grave. Years of waiting for her to come back, in love with a ghost or a figment of his imagination, for the woman he’d made her out to be, within the ever forgiving and naive confines of his love, had never existed. Something you could see, even through the lenses of your child eyes. 

She was an eternally flawed woman. Selfish, vain, manipulative, deceitful, but there was good in her too. She was eccentric and beautiful, and she could be kind, so funny, and immensely intelligent, her mind and wit, always sharp as a whip. It was, you thought, what made her so talented at deceiving others, at getting her way. She outsmarted everyone she came into contact with. But she was also weak and self serving, had never met anyone, in all her life, who she loved more than she loved herself. Not even you. Sometimes, you thought, especially not you. For you were the living reminder of all she’d lost and been forced to give up. It was a difficult, complicated, painful relationship you had with her, even now, all these years later. 

After she’d left, she’d kept in contact with you sparingly. The occasional call or birthday card. It had taken her three years to feel like seeing you again after she’d left when you were ten. The pains and awkwardness of puberty long started, endured on your own, before she’d even had the foresight to remember she had a daughter who might need her. It was an exceedingly painful and lonely time for a young girl to survive on her own, but you bore it, as you did the entirety of the fallout that came with her leaving. 

Your father was another story entirely. He’d fallen to pieces, completely, the day she’d left and had never had the strength of will to ever pull himself together again. It was a strange sort of existence the two of you had lived in those years, keeping each other company. Physically, he was there, but he was never present, never sentient. He drowned, for years and years, in a sea of pain and liquor, and he never resurfaced. You watched him sink, a young girl incapable of comprehending or acting in a way that could’ve helped him, as much as you wanted to or even tried, all of it was futile. Eventually he hit the bottom of the ocean and died there, and you were left more alone than ever. 

You remember there’d only been four people, in total, at his funeral. You and two men from the shithole bar he liked to lose himself at every week and the priest. It was a terribly painful thing to live through on your own. Humiliating in a very specific and acute way, for some reason. To know that this sad, pathetic specimen of a human being had had a hand in creating you, to know that he was your father and that you loved him, despite his weakness, his vices, his lack of care for you, you loved him. And you felt interminably sorry for the creature he’d been turned into at the hands of an uncaring and poisonous love. You hadn’t been able to tell her for ten months, after he’d been dead in the ground, that he’d passed. She’d not called, didn’t like giving you her number, said she was too busy to have to worry about you calling her at all hours of the day, as if you’d asked her for a single thing in the decade since she’d left. 

And you loved your mother, even after it all, you did, but it was a poignantly devastating moment, the day you realized she was not just your mother, but her own person, as well. The day that childlike naivety, unconscious self centeredness, was cast away to realize that she was savagely flawed and human, and that she did bad things that hurt good people. And still, and still she was your mother and you loved her. Your greatest influence, the hand that shaped you, and you loved her despite everything. It was only that, after the rose tinted glasses had been ripped away, and she was only then herself, nothing more – pedestal forsaken – she was just a flawed woman who sometimes made mistakes, made the wrong choices, hurt you and your father and fractured your family. That was a hard thing to come to terms with as a young girl. 

You realized now, with the lifetime of experience she’d inherited to you, that motherhood built a pedestal and a grave, all at once, over and over again. A woman could vacillate between being the Madonna and the whore, and the cycle was inescapable and destructive and enticing, all at the same time. It was something that one could try to avoid or run away from, but many times, it caught up to most, hooked its claws in you and dragged you away from the things you would’ve wanted or done otherwise. You realized this was what had happened to her. She’d never been built for motherhood, for the responsibility of raising a child, so she’d desecrated the altar of it, taken a sledgehammer to it and freed herself in the only way she saw she could, collateral damage be damned.

And so you’d isolated yourself, for the thought of doing the same thing to someone that you might have loved or someone that loved you, was soul destroying. And that was the saddest part of this whole overly cliché tragedy – that you were sure that, at a certain point in her life, she’d loved your father, as well. Perhaps not enough, not enough to change who she was, what she really wanted, but she had loved him in her own way, nevertheless.

Parallel to the tragedy was the ironic reality that in some very safely guarded part of you, you longed so, so desperately for your own chance at a happy family, love, children. How could you not? When you’d never experienced it for yourself during your own childhood. Always having to make your own meals, get yourself ready for school, alone at ten years old, walking to the bus unaccompanied, no one ever waiting for you, expecting you, watching over you. Alone, alone, always alone. How could you not want to build your own normal, loving, happy family for yourself? You wanted it very badly. 

But there was also no part of you that felt, in the most vital ways, capable of showing your underbelly in such a vulnerable way. You had always been too sensitive, a weeper from a long line of weepers, and the second thing you were most terrified of, after turning into your own mother, was being left again, abandoned to another derelict and lonely childhood. So your aloneness suited you, for now. At least, in terms of your romantic life. Your isolation kept you safe, guarded from those that would savage the sensitive and salted battleground that was your heart.

 That, however, did not mean that you were immune to wanting, to the disease of yearning, of desire, and so you found it most unfortunate, cosmically laughable and cruel, that it would be this man, this married,  beautiful, entirely unattainable man, that would have reminded you of that desire again, after it had lain dormant for so long: Joel. 

-

Joel tried to think of you only in the moments when he was feeling particularly strong. It was a challenge he’d set for himself from that day, all those months ago, when you’d appeared at his house on Easter. Like a fucking angel or a creature out of a fairy book. Soft and luminous and so fucking pretty. No, Joel tried very, very hard not to think of you. 

He failed often, though. He’d not forgotten you since that day. Had tried to fish, as subtly as possible, through Tommy, for information. See if he’d heard anything about you from Gerri. Any new details or gossip about the pretty little art teacher. Tommy was a terrible goddamn gossip, like a clucking hen. And Joel knew, he knew empirically, that thinking of you was wrong. That he had a wife that he needed to be respectful of, even if she was never respectful of him, fucking her coworker – or had been… still was — he couldn’t keep track anymore – didn’t really care, if he was being honest. But you, you were the one small, private thing he kept for himself. The thought of you, the image of you in his mind, you were only for his moments of great necessity. You’d been so sweet that afternoon, walking into his home with your bunny cake. That fucking cake haunted him – the look in your eyes as he watched you stand over the trashcan staring at it. He’d been so scared you’d start crying, that he’d have to comfort you, that he’d be able to take you into his arms. He’d been terrified of what would become of him if he’d gotten the opportunity to feel you like that. But no, you’d left. Made up some weak excuse he knew you could see he didn’t buy, and had quietly left, not even saying goodbye to the others. He’d had a terrible one-sided argument with Eva that night. Told her she’d been unnecessarily rude and cruel, doing that to a complete stranger who was just trying to be nice. She hadn’t batted a single eyelash, all his frustration going in one ear and out the other. 

He could, to a certain degree, understand where her behavior came from. He knew she was unhappy, he knew she hated their life together. That it was nothing like what she’d ever envisioned for herself, and so she acted out sometimes. At his age, he found now, that you couldn’t ever really fault a person for not being what they’d never been meant to be. He understood this, had accepted that his marriage would never be of the happy or intimate sort. That Eva had never wanted to be a mother, but had felt trapped by circumstance. He dealt with it. Or ignored it. Avoided looking directly at the ugly reality of it, more like. He had Sarah and work and Tommy, and now that his brother was with Gerri things had gotten a little better, happier for the family. She was a good addition – kind and spunky. She was good for his brother, and he was happy for them. 

But the day he’d met you – it had made a savage claw of want gouge through his entrails. He’d not remembered the last time he’d wanted something the way he did when he watched you walk out into the backyard long hair shimmering in the sun, and a nervous flush sweeping over the apples of your cheeks. And even if he’d been unattached, free to pursue you like he liked to dream about sometimes, you were so young – much too young and pretty for an old, washed up, has-been like him. But he could imagine it, like he’d said, only when he was feeling particularly strong. Or maybe particularly weak. He couldn’t keep track of which was safer anymore. When the years and work and responsibilities and grief and loneliness surged up too high and overwhelming for him to bear, he liked to think of you in that little yellow sundress. Wonder what it’d be like to be a younger man, to have met you first. A bad, selfish, terrible thought to have. But just in the quiet privacy of his mind, when he needed a small something to make him feel just a little better – he liked to think of you. 

The only other time he’d seen you, once when Tommy’d had to drop something for Gerri at the college, he’d insisted on tagging along. Hoping he’d maybe be lucky enough to get a glimpse of you, and oh, he’d been so, so rewarded. You’d been carrying a stack of supplies from your car into the building, one of those spiky things women wore twisted in your hair to keep it up, wisps of your long, heavy locks escaping the knot, and a little, red, spaghetti strapped top. The thin of it on your shoulder had slipped off the delicate wing of your clavicle as you balanced everything you’d carried in your arms and tried to kick your car door closed at the same time. It’d taken everything in him, all the self control he possessed, not to sprint over to you and offer to help you, to fall to his knees at your feet. You’d blown a strand of your hair out of your face, the cutest expression of frustration scrunching your brow. His gut had twisted almost painfully with yearning. He hadn’t even known he was capable of fucking yearning, but he sure as hell did now. He felt it sharply, piercingly, like a knife to the gut. He’d met you once for Christ’s sake, seen you in person only twice, but you plagued him, you plagued him. 

He knew it was probably partially a symptom of how alone he was. Lonely to his very core. His marriage had never been a real one, no closeness, no intimacy. A byproduct born of one drunken night, and Joel’s need to do the right thing, give his child a stable home with two parents and all the love he could give her. And Sarah, Sarah was the greatest gift that he’d ever been given. This perfect little person that he still, three years later, could not believe had come from a piece of him. 

He’d told Eva that he’d do whatever she wanted, would accept whatever she’d chosen when she’d first realized she was pregnant. She’d refused the alternative route vehemently, and so he’d never suggested it again. If he was being honest, he’d been happy when he’d found out, in some small way. The situation wasn’t ideal, of course, they’d been veritable strangers at that point, but he’d been thirty seven, at the time, and he liked the idea of children. Eva was attractive and intelligent. He’d proposed immediately, gone out and gotten a ring and gotten down on one knee. He’d naively thought that perhaps, eventually, with time, they might grow closer. That idea was squashed quickly. She’d made it clear that she’d never wanted to marry him, but she also didn’t want to go at it alone, knew he was responsible and reliable, and so she’d accepted. And perhaps, he should have tried harder to win her over afterwards, but if he was being as honest as he could be, he wasn’t very interested either, didn’t really mind the lack of intimacy with her. They just weren’t a good match.

She’d left a few months after she’d given birth. Ran off with some guy she’d met – only a note left saying she couldn’t do it anymore. He hadn’t tried to go after her, hadn’t tried to bring her back or look for her. A better man probably would have, would have fought for his wife, for the mother of his child. But he’d never loved her, not even close, and so he’d taken care of his baby girl, had tried to be everything she needed and worked as hard as he could so that she’d never want for anything. Eva had come back after about a year and a half – her affair had run its course, and she’d said she wanted to try again with Sarah, that she’d made a mistake, wanted to be part of her daughter’s life. Of course he’d let her come back. He wanted Sarah to have a mother that was present, to have everything a child should have. And afterall, it was no hardship for him personally. She didn’t want a relationship with him, only Sarah. And so they’d settled into this strange agreement of co-parents slash roommates who just happened to be married. Eva liked to keep pretenses up, so they did the occasional family thing together. Especially now that Tommy was with Gerri, she liked to pretend at the double date thing, occasionally. Even though Eva couldn’t stand the poor girl. It was a pieced together sort of life, but it was better than what some had, and Sarah had her mother. He couldn’t complain.

But he did like to imagine a sort of alternative sometimes – something different, less lonely. He could tell she was going to leave again soon, more unsatisfied and frustrated and restless than ever. He couldn’t even find it in himself to resent her for it, it only hurt him for Sarah’s sake, for he didn’t think she’d be coming back this time. 

-

It hadn’t been such a bad idea to come after all, you think, as you lounge on the dock by the lake. The sun is strong but not burning – warm and soothing. It feels like there are ghost fingers stroking all along the bare skin of your arms and legs. Gerri had made a pitcher of sangria and you were slightly tipsy off it now. A light weight, through and through. 

The house they’d rented was gorgeous. All exposed wood and big glass windows right on the lakefront. Gerri’s sister was a doctor – a spine surgeon or something really fancy. She’d rented the house and invited all of you – no chance for Joel’s wife to be pissed off that you’d tagged along. 

There were large boxes of the loveliest white hydrangeas along one side of the dock. The sweet scent of them drifting around you as you lounged on the chair you’d planted yourself in with your sangria. Yes, this was a good idea. You’d managed to evade Joel and his wife in the hours you’d been here. Gerri and Tommy were great as always and her sister and her partner were so nice. You’d talked about the pottery class, she wanted to pick up a new hobby, trying out the whole work-life-balance thing, and she’d thought pottery’d be a good fit for her. She was planning on signing up for the next semester. 

You’re slightly dozing now. The warm sun and sweet alcohol making you languorous and drowsy and all fizzy on the inside. You think you might be able to hear the breeze sliding through each individual blade of grass on the bank, whistling over the surface of the water, and you can’t stop picturing his arms in your mind, but you’re pretending to ignore that, or pretending the bulging, mouth-watering muscles, prominent veins running under the surface of his tan skin, dusted with a light coating of golden brown hair belonged to someone who was not him. He has the largest hands you’ve ever seen, and you wonder what one of them wrapped around your throat would feel like. Bad, inappropriate thoughts. 

You have one arm slung above your head, resting at the crown of your scalp to partially shield the sensitive skin there from the strong sun when you feel a sudden piercing pain, right to the center of your palm. You shriek, jolting violently, glass of sangria falling and shattering on the deck and stumbling up out of your chair, sending it flying back topside. A wasp buzzes menacingly around you, and you shriek again, cracked and painful. The thing had stung you right in the center of your tender palm. You hear the quick paced steps of someone approaching, too distracted trying to evade the horrible thing when you hear Joel’s voice. “Stay still, it’s okay. I’ll get it.”

Your hand really, really hurts. You stop your swatting and feel the back of your eyes pinch, hot tears pooling in the corners. Not only is the sting incredibly painful, but you really hate bees, wasps, all the ugly mean things that buzz and sting. You can feel the slight tremble of your frame begin to take over as you try to patiently wait for him to get rid of it. 

He comes closer, “It’s okay, he’s gone. Did it get you? C’mere, lemme see.”

You clutch the injured hand to your chest, try and scoot away from him shaking your head, but you get too near to the edge, and his hand shoots out to cup your elbow, other hand coming to circle your waist and turn you so you’re standing in the center, and he’s closer to the edge. 

“No, no, it’s okay. It got you, lemme see it–” he gently circles his big rough palm on the thin of your wrist, and now you’re really shaking.

“It’s o–okay,” you hitch, you feel a tear slide down your cheek. Fucking embarrassing. “I’m okay, really. It’s nothing.” You try and pull your limb out of his grasp, but he pulls you closer. He says your name then, not necessarily sharply, but in the way of a rubber band snapping against your skin, a slightly jarring crack followed by a tingle, something that reverberates through your entire body.

Then gentle: “Just come here,” and coaxing. How could anyone ever say no to a voice like that. So deep, so patient. “Lemme see, it’s okay. No, don’t be scared. Lemme see, open your hand for me, sweetheart. I’ll be gentle, it’s okay,” his soothing voice over and over. Coaxing you into capitulation, into following his orders. He smooths his rough thumb gently, gently over the sides of your palm, coaxing your fingers to uncurl and let him see the hurt. “Oh, it’s alright. None of that trembling, sweet girl.” And then he brings your hand up to his hot, wet mouth and presses his lips to the wound, gently sucking. You can feel the wet of his tongue pass over it once, slowly sucking the venom out of your palm. You feel everything below your belly button go hot and liquid at the feel of his tongue on your skin. Oh, God, you want to feel that mouth everywhere, between your legs. 

You think you let a jagged whimper claw its way out your throat, for his eyes flit to yours, a flash of heat igniting them. He pulls his mouth away, turns to spit, thumb gently brushing over the tender inside of your wrist. He says your name so softly. “That’s better. You’re okay. No tears.” 

His large hands completely engulf yours. His fingers are thick and long, his nails clipped short and neat. Beautiful, masculine hands. Working hands. He doesn’t wear a ring. “We can get a clove of garlic on this,” he’s still cradling your limb, “Heard that’s good for stings.”

This is bad, bad, bad, bad. Not part of your plan to stay away from him at all. He’s staring at your cradled hand, his gaze trained on the way his own palm dwarfs yours. You feel his touch tighten for just a second, he brings his eyes back to yours, and you watch as a swallow passes through the strong column of his throat. 

He called you sweetheart. 

There are so many reasons why you know he’s dangerous to you, why you should stay away from him: his kindness, how competent he is — the way it seems like, no matter what in life could ever present itself to him, he’d be able to take it in, take care of it, fix it. He could handle anything. How fucking gorgeous he is, his hands, his face, his body, the dark curls, the slightest hint of silver threads beginning to appear through them, the deep dark eyes, but most of all, more than any other reason, the way he says your name — like the worst thing you’ve ever heard in your entire life, and also the loveliest. So soft and deep and soothing. A voice that could get a person to do anything, capitulate to anything, commit any crime. 

And what was it about wanting something you should not want, could never have, that made you want it all the more? Rebellion of the highest order calls your name. 

“Thank you,” you say quietly. He still has you clutched in his grasp, is staring at you almost in shock. You try to pull away and his grip tightens for one second, like he can’t bear the thought of letting you go, and then releases you, lets you pull your injured hand back into your chest. 

“Alright?”

And you’re so disoriented by him, by his touch that you instinctively reply: “Yes. Are you?”

 He looks confused for a second, shakes his head a little and then laughs, “Yeah – yeah, I’m okay, sweetheart.” He shouldn’t be calling you that, but it sounds so lovely coming out of his mouth. You’ll tell him to stop next time. It’s okay. Next time he says it you’ll tell him not to call you that anymore. Embarrassment burns your cheeks. 

You shake your head, “Sorry, I–”

“It’s alright. No need to apologize. Let’s get you inside. Get somethin’ on that hand.”

You take a step back from him, and he matches it with one step of his own forward, like he isn’t planning on letting you run away. It makes the speed of your heart kick up a notch, a hummingbird fluttering within the confines of your chest. “No, really, it’s okay. I’ll ice it or something. I’m fine, honestly. Thank you for– for your help.” You feel like you’re blinking a hundred times a minute, the sun suddenly scorching, when just a moment ago it had been soft and warm. 

You need to get away from him.

“Rubbin’ a garlic clove on it’s good for stings. There’s some in the kitchen, I’ll get it for you.” He reaches a hand out as if to take hold of you again, and you take two more steps away. This time he does not follow, you see the muscle of his jaw flutter. 

“Really, Joel. It’s okay.” You feel like you’ve said these words to him before, like all your short acquaintanceship has consisted of, is you apologizing and running away, bowing out before it gets too scary or complicated or threatening. He probably thinks you’re an idiot. “Th– thank you for your help. I’m just gonna –” you hitch your thumb back towards the house, “I’m just going to go back inside. Sorry.” 

He only nods, frozen on the dock as you walk away from him.

Chapter .2

Netherfeildren Masterlist

[your-name-is-jim]

TOS fans, you may want to read this comic series!

Sooo I recently read this series of comics called Star Trek: Year Five, published in 2019-2021 by IDW Publishing; I heard it was good, but I didn't expect it to be that good!

If you haven't read it, I suggest to check it out! (it's also not hard to find it if you get what I mean)

The art overall is great and, more importantly, the characters act like themselves and there are several references to their canon backgrounds, past and future experiences! What I absolutely loved was also seeing a lot of "old faces" from TOS show, as well as mentions of events from the series and the movies.

As the title suggests, the story takes place during the last year of Kirk's five-year mission on the Enterprise. I'd like to tell you more, but I enjoyed the surprise of a lot of things I didn't expect, so first of all I'll post a few pics without major spoilers from the first 11 issues (there are 25, so you still have a lot to discover!):

I especially love how Bones and Sulu are drawn, they really look like them! Scotty and Uhura too, but that depends on the artist. Speaking of them, if you like a little Scotty/Uhura, this series has something good about it!

The joke about Kirk thinking there's something strange with the way the Klingons look now cracked me up. LOL

Also, I'm not sure Chapel would call McCoy "Bones", but she is very right in that panel. :)

The last panel is classical James T. Kirk's ass appreciation lol

Sulu has a love story with an alien who doesn't understand human genders and uses they/them pronouns. As someone who headcanons TOS Sulu as attracted to any gender, that was great to see :D

I'm also posting this "end-of-the-episode" panel because it's just perfection. TOS in a nutshell. Aww, look at Kirk and Spock just looking at each other! <3

I must say, you may be a little disappointed if you expect to see many moments with Kirk and Spock together, BUT the scenes they have together are really good! I won't say anything more, just read until the end and you'll see! :D

By the way, this series has a Valentine's Day extra, which is the only part where Kirk has a love interest (a female original character). Yeah, you heard me: in the main story, Kirk doesn't have new romances with anyone; Sulu is the one who gets all the action! ;)

The Valentine's Day issue is not linked to anything else and I don't think Kirk's female love interest is mentioned outside that story, so you can easily skip it if it's not for you. However, even if I can't say I'm especially happy with that story, I personally found something interesting there, for example this:

I think I saw this out of context once, but I didn't know where it was from, so sorry I'm just going to lose my mind thinking about ladies or GENTLEMEN in Kirk's life and Kirk not correcting her about his sexual preferences. Anyway, I might make a separate post someday about this special from a Kirk/Spock shipper's perspective, because I do have a lot of thoughts about it :)

So, if you haven't read Star Trek: Year Five, I hope I convinced you to check it out! I hadn't been lucky with other Star Trek comics before, so I had almost lost hope to find something good… and then here it was! Something that made me feel like it was really written with a lot of love for The Original Series! I really needed it!

If you decide to give it a try, I'd love to see your thoughts and see your favorite parts! I hope you enjoyed this little review. :)

[umadosedepascal]

P E D R O P A S C A L

O N L Y

__ FIC REQUEST OPEN __

SERIES

(Banners are here)

🔥NEW MEXICO(PART IX)- Pedro asks you to spend his birthday together with you. You just go.

W I N N E R(PART VIII) - You couldn’t attend SAG awards but Pedro meets you late in the night to celebrate.

O U C H (PART VII) - You are at the Golden Globes and meet Pedro over there, he didn’t win unfortunately but still, he is a winner in bed.

B O A T (PART VI) - Today is your last day in Malta. Pedro will be back to work, and you also need to return to your routine. Pedro wants your last day to be wonderful, nothing like a surprise with a perfect end. The three most intense days of your life.

COME FIND ME (PART V) - Pedro promised you a weekend, but an unforeseen event changes everything. Maybe he's a fan of surprises, maybe he can find you.

72 HOURS WITH HIM (PART IV) - The shooting in Malta keeps going, all Pedro needs is a weekend off, well…he got it. Would you go meet him for only three days? Hmmm yes!

PEDRO SOLO (PART III) - The days are long and exhausting, Pedro has a huge hotel room, hot tub ... But he is missing something, could you help him?

LOSING GAME (PART II) - You meet Pedro again not just to take back your panties. He wants to play a game, who’s going to lose?

HIGH MILES CLUB (PART I) - After partying hard at Met Gala making out with you in the bathroom and later taking you to his hotel room in NY, he finds something inside his red overcoat pocket in the middle of the airport. But it doesn’t stop, more unexpected and hot things happens during his flight back home.

ONE SHOT

(Banners are here)

MASTERCHEF FAIL - With a busy schedule, Pedro finds some time to spend with you. You promised him to cook his favorite food. Maybe things get out of hand and dessert comes before dinner.

PURPLE IS THE HOTTEST COLOR - After having a difficult day, Pedro meets you, no patience, no time for conversations.Pedro only has one desire in mind: you here and now, no matter if anyone will see you.

————————————————

PEDRO I M A G I N E

It’s 3 in the morning…

Hey, I’m looking at you…

What a smile…

🔥 You wearing his purple shirt…

————————————————

Who are Santa Trindade

Gringa is on her late 30’s totally addicted to Pascal for the latest years (she doesn’t know what happened) although she’s following his work since 2019 because she is a Star Wars nerd and fell in love with a mandalorian 🤷🏻‍♀️. Her favorite Pedro boy is Javi Gutierrez because he is chubby and funny (Pedro vibes almost 100%).

What makes her wet is when Pedro: slide his finger on his lips while giggling.

Good vibes: if she had a date with Pedro she thinks she wouldn’t be able to walk the next day 🥲

——

@missyorkswhore is on her late 20’s and noticed Pedro when her uncle was watching Narcos, she saw Javier and asked him “wow, who’s that stach guy?”. A couple years later she finally got into Narcos and you know…she still want to marry Peña.

She loves when Pedro raises his eyebrow, and when he speaks Spanish [she thinks she can get wet in a fraction of seconds if he speaks like that to her in bed] ah and of course when he screams WHAT TOWN!!! as Joel.

Fave character obviously: DAVE FUCKING YORK (killer king)

[girlslovethinker]

Hi, I just started watching GL, have only watched GAP. Can you recommend anything? I'd really appreciate it.

Hello! Although there are not that many right now, I will include a list of shows that have already aired that you can watch. Make sure you also see this list to keep updated on which GL will be coming out soon — because there will be a lot! 2024 is the year, trust me! The GL renaissance is upon us. But while we wait here’s some others:

Main characters/main couple:

- She Makes My Heart Flutter (2022)

I love this one. Basically all the characters are lesbians and in a friendship group. It’s so sweet and endearing and I really recommend it! Kinda short but so sweet. One of my favourites for sure <3

- She Loves To Cook and She Loves to Eat (2022)

The characters are a perfect match. This show will make your heart warm and you will say ‘Me and who’ every five seconds.

- Sleep with Me (2022)

The chemistry is so good. It feels so raw and real. Sexuality isn’t really an issue at all. I really enjoyed watching, my heart 🥹

- Out of Breath (2019)

Both painful and heartwarming, it can be relatable to viewers who have experienced break-ups and finding new love. This series is fun and I like it.

- Couple of Mirrors (2021)

Because of censorship, their relationship isn’t ~specifically stated but they are canonically together by the person who created them. I mean, they literally live together, sleep in the same bed, raise a child together etc. The vibes are gayyyy, it’s safe to say they have romantic feelings for each other. If you love action and badass women, this is for you!

- Legend of Yunze (2022)

Lovers reunite after centuries apart. It’s so beautiful and I rewatch this quite a lot.

- Girlfriend Project Day 1 (2022)

Super short, but still really cute. The characters are forced to work together and things ensue. I wish they’d make more episodes 🥹

- Show Me Love (2023)

It’s not made/edited the best but it’s still cute and easy to watch, nice elements of comedy :D

!!!!! Here is a link to other mini web dramas !!!!!

https://legendofyunze.carrd.co

Side characters/side couple:

- Bad Buddy (2021)

My sweetest Ink and Pa. I love them very much :) The actresses have their own GL together called ‘23.5’ which will air next year!

+ they also feature in Zero Photography

- Nevertheless (2021)

Watch this for Soljiwan, Nabi, and Han Sohee. The straight couples are questionable, but Sol & Jiwan, although a side couple, have the most beautiful story and amazing chemistry. 🥰

- Friend Zone S2 (2021)

Cris and Amm are a beautiful couple. They help each other with their situations, maybe they’re not perfect, but they are everything :D

Special mentions:

- Fragrance of the First Flower (2021)

- Love of Secret (2022)

- Wedding Plan (2023)

- Sweet Kaaram Coffee (2023)

I’ve definitely missed ones but these are just the ones I could think of off the top of my head. The only main GL airing right now is Lucky My Love & Love Senior!

[marner2tavares]

cardigan series: the break up ❣️

cardigan series masterlist

Dating Jack had never been easy. He was wanted by everyone. Girls threw themselves at him, guys were constantly trying to plan hangouts, but even in the midst of high school kingdom, he had eyes only for you. You were his first love, and he yours. You never really saw one without the other for the back half of your high school years. You were together for it all. His games, your dance recitals and competitions, the first prom, the second prom, graduation, his draft. You never ever thought of a life without him, no matter how young you were. Everyone told you it would fade or crash and burn, but you truly thought it never would…until August 17, 2019.

“Have you decided what college you want to go to yet, baby?” You were sitting at the edge of his bed while he laid on it. You fingers close to your mouth so you could bite the nails that were already bitten. 

“I don't want to talk about it, Jack.” Jack sat up and scooched himself down the bed to sit next to you. 

“Well we have to talk about it soon. We gotta figure out what school you wanna go to. You’ll probably have to enroll late now. Hey! You could take online classes!” You closed your eyes and swallowed hard, taking a calming breath. Ever since Jack got drafted to the New Jersey Devils, he had been talking about taking you with him. He was excited for you to be out on your own together. 

“I did not work this hard this year to go to some community college, Jack.” You snapped and immediately wished you hadn’t. You looked over to assess the damage. You swore you watched Jack’s face fall.

“You don’t want to come with me?” And here it begins. The reason you didn’t want to talk about it. You let out a sigh and folded your hands in your lap. 

“I do, but I deserve better than a community college in New Jersey.” Your voice was quiet. Hoping if you said it softly it would hurt him less. It didn’t.

“Are you serious?” He sounded like he was in disbelief. How could you, his first real girlfriend, his first real everything, not want to go with him?

“Yeah I am” Jack let out a sigh and dropped his head a little before looking back up at you, trying to force the feelings and look of dread to the back of his mind.

“Where do you want to go?” 

“Colorado”

“Colorado?!” Jack stood up and took a few steps around his room before sitting back down.

“Yes, Jack. Colorado.”

“Seriously? What does that mean for us?” Your most dreaded question.

“I don't know, Jack” And his most dreaded answer. 

“But Jersey would be perfect, baby. You’re so close to New York City, and you wanna be a dancer! No better place to do that than New York City” He rambled, desperately trying to change your mind.

“I don't want New York City.'' His jaw dropped. He looked down at you with every hurt he was feeling shown on his face. 

“Do you want me?” He said it so quietly you almost missed it. You could barely look him in the face at this point. 

“What kind of question is that? Of course I want you” He looked down at you and you forced yourself to look back at him. He was reeling. You were reeling. Here it is, you thought. The crash and burn.

People had told you about it for the last year and a half of your relationship, “Young love never lasts” You heard it over and over again, but you never thought they would be right. You loved Jack. You truly loved Jack, but you were sure Colorado would be better for you than New Jersey.

“I just don't see why you’d want to go all the way to Colorado when your dreams are in New York.” He was getting frustrated now. Talking with his hands and shaking his head. Smiling to try to mask the pain. 

“Because I can’t take having to be a failure, Jack! You’re going to be living your dream and I'm gonna be some wannabe who’s not talented enough to make it!” You said it louder than you wanted to. Your heart broke when you saw Jack recoil a bit. 

“You’re never gonna know if you don't try” The tears that you were holding started to slip down your face. You couldn’t even imagine how Jack was feeling right now. You basically sprung it on him. He leaves for training camp in a month, you leave for Colorado in a week.

 “Do you still even want to be together?” The tears flowed silently at his question. You dropped your head towards your lap.

“No.” Lie.

“What?” Jack felt like he’d been shot. How could the love of his young life want to end it all just like that? Nearly two years down the drain.

“Because if we stay together and do long distance, you’re gonna cheat on me, and then I’m gonna hate you and Jack, I don't know what I would do if I had to hate you.” You rambled, tears running, distraught.

“You think I would cheat on you?” He sounded upset, not all the way to mad, but disgusted that you would even think like that. 

“You don't know what it's gonna be like, Jack.” You looked up at him, shaking your head as you spoke. Not even bothering to wipe your tears at this point. 

“I didn't cheat on you in high school, did I?” He raised his voice louder. You knew he couldn’t control his emotions right now. You couldn’t either, but the volume still made you flinch. “What's gonna be so different now?” 

“I wont be around.” You said quietly, not looking up at him. 

“You could be around, but you don't want to be!” He yelled. His voice even stunned himself. You stood up and started gathering your things. 

“I’m sorry, I just can't do this right now.” You started towards the door of his bedroom. You didn’t look back, the last thing he said to you: 

“Please don't leave.” You muttered another “I’m sorry” before walking down the stairs, rushing past his family that you loved so much, trying to not let them see you crying. Ellen tried to stop you, asking what was wrong. The last thing you heard was Ellen calling for Jack and rushing to his room as you walked out the front door, got in your car, started it, and drove. 

[ichorai]

ties that bind ; nanami kento ; march 30th.

pairing ; nanami kento x reader

drabble synopsis ; you and nanami take an evening walk to feed the stray cats in the neighborhood.

themes ; fluff, slice of life, established relationship (married), parents au

warnings / includes ; suggestive near the end :) also nanami is a cat man and no one can convince me otherwise

series masterlist.

30th march, 2019

“Ah, there’s so many!” you exclaimed in utter delight when another two cats came trotting up to you, joining the three already meandering around your crouched legs. “Kento, we should bring more fish next time. Oh, they’re just so cute.”

You and Nanami were on your routine weekly evening walk around the neighborhood, and this time you’d brought a can of fish for the stray cats you occasionally spotted loitering around. The kind, elderly neighbor the two of you trusted wholly was watching baby Yuriko while you were out. 

Your husband made a soft noise of agreement, before lowering himself to a squat next to you, reaching out to run his hand over one of the stray cat’s heads—a small calico with a long, curvy tail. A contented purr rumbled in her throat at the touch. 

You continued to preen over the kitties, spooning out fish from the single can you had brought. Nanami watched you with a small smile on his face.

“We should adopt one of them,” you mused, more as a pleasant daydream you were vocalizing out loud rather than an actual suggestion. “I mean, I know we already have our plates full with Yuriko and work… but it would be nice for her to grow up with a pet.”

Hungry meows filled the short silence between the two of you as Nanami thought your words over.

“I don’t see why not,” he replied. He was already feeling partial towards the little calico, with her large orange eyes and sharp snout, tail happily swishing as she munched on some of the flaky fish. 

It amused him how you visibly perked, shoulders straightening. “Really?”

“Yes, really. If you want to.”

“Ah, this is so exciting!” You were all smiles then, bouncing on the balls of your heels. You leaned forward to press half a dozen kisses over the side of Nanami’s face in rapid succession. The usually-stoic expression on his face cracked into a bashful, lovesick expression directed towards you. “Looks like these strays have been spayed and neutered. They all have clipped ears.”

Nanami gestured towards the calico, now cleaning her muzzle with her speckled right paw. “I like this one. What do you think?”

“I love all of them,” you admitted with a little sigh. “But I think we can only handle one for now, so—she seems perfect.”

Humming, Nanami reached out to run his large hand over the calico’s back. “We’ll need to stop by a pet store to get everything. Food, a litter box, some enrichment toys, and anything else we might need. Tomorrow after work, maybe?”

“If you’re not too tired,” you quipped with a teasing prod to his shoulder. 

“When am I not?” he dryly remarked, before petting the little cat one last time, and pushing himself back up to full height. He reached a hand out to help you onto your feet, curling an arm over your waist. “We can come back tomorrow with a carrier—and if she’s still here, we bring her home.”

“Sounds like a plan,” you replied with an excited bounce. His warm palms gently squeezed your sides over your shirt—Nanami wasn’t a man who got excited, but your energy was deliciously infectious, much like many other things about you. He kissed you then, somehow simultaneously sweet and desperate, his nose pressed up next to yours. 

You got the message instantly. “Let’s get home, yeah?” you whispered against his lips, words breathy and eyes alight with both amusement and poorly-masked want. There was a carnal tone to your words, one that he recognized in an instant.

Needless to say, your evening walk turned into a brisk jog back home—the neighbor could watch Yuriko for another half an hour, right?

[37sommz]

✼. THRU SPACE 'N TIME | THE TEAM.

NOW PLAYING: michaela's management team. ✼. view:⠀masterlist⠀⸻⠀join the taglist⠀⸻⠀request.

✹.⠀⠀،،⠀ABOUT MICHAELA SOMMERS⠀⸻⠀australian-born formula one driver, michaela sommers is one of the most electrifying young racers to grace the sport. as the first female driver since lella lombardi, sommers has been smashing records and solidifying her impact on the sport since her debut in 2019. currently driving as the second seat for aston martin, michaela sommers has achieved a total of six race wins to accompany thirty-four podiums and sponsorships from louis vuitton, skims, and mattel.

✹.⠀⠀،،⠀ABOUT GUIDO MAROTTA⠀⸻⠀michaela's manager, guido marotta, has been a consistent face during the driver's upper-level career. guido took over for michaela's uncle, travis sommers, in 2016 before michaela's second season in formula two with prema racing. known as the "shadowy figure behind the rise of michaela sommers" marotta has been lauded for managing sommers' career. guido is recognized among the driver's fans as being the perfect match for her ambitions. more controversially, guido has publicly called out teams, drivers, and sponsors who have been less than fair to michaela for her gender and frequently clashes with the fia.

date of birth: february 02, 1976 hometown: venice, italy ethnicity: italian nationality: italian languages: italian, english height: 5'11" (181 cm) active since: 2016 faceclaim: raoul bova

✹.⠀⠀،،⠀ABOUT LUIZA MELO⠀⸻⠀michaela's trainer, luiza melo, is known for plenty outside of being part of the team. as a three-time olympic beach volleyball medalist, luiza knows a thing or two about the importance of health for a successful career. having been michaela's trainer since her move to mclaren in 2021, luiza immediately began working to increase the driver's stamina and strength, drawing praise for the noticeable difference in her performance. as an integral part of michaela's routine, luiza travels with the fellow australian to every race. the two have become extraordinarily close in recent years with luiza moving in just doors down from michaela's high-rise monaco apartment.

date of birth: january 14, 1990 hometown: adelaide, australia ethnicity: brazilian nationality: australian languages: english, portuguese height: 6'0" (182 cm) active since: 2021 faceclaim: lais ribeiro

✹.⠀⠀،،⠀ABOUT BEATA GASPARRO⠀⸻⠀michaela's press officer, beata gasparro, is her team's most visible member. forever glued to her side at every race weekend since joining michaela during her time at alfa romeo, beata has a reputation for being protective over the driver who she considers to be one of her own. sommers' impeccable media training is largely attributed to gasparro who has makes sure to keep her client in the spotlight all without giving away too much. if there is any question about beata's love for michaela, her instagram (full of pictures of the driver alongside beata's family) proves how preciously she holds the australian in her heart.

date of birth: november 27, 1965 hometown: genoa, italy ethnicity: italian nationality: italian languages: italian, english, spanish, french height: 5'9" (175 cm) active since: 2019 faceclaim: monica bellucci

✹.⠀⠀،،⠀ABOUT ISMAEL GANEM⠀⸻⠀michaela's race engineer, ismael ganem, is perhaps every fan's favorite member of her team. affectionately referred to as "izzie", the egyptian-british engineer was a driver in his own merit, having raced in both british formula and formula three before leaving to pursue education. ganem first worked with michaela during her successful formula three season. though both would leave the team at the end of the 2015 season, michaela to move to gp2 and ismael to join aston martin's engineering team, they would be reunited in 2023. famously, michaela claims ismael was the one to convince her manager, guido, to pursue a seat with aston martin after a series of fiery disputes with mclaren. the pairing of izzie and mickey has been exceptionally successful with ganem even joking he would follow sommers to whatever team she may move to in the future.

date of birth: may 22, 1971 hometown: london, england ethnicity: egyptian nationality: british languages: english, arabic height: 5'10" (178 cm) active since: 2015, 2023-present faceclaim: ahmed ezz

✼. taglist:⠀@evie-119 @lavisenri @doodlehunz @thearchieves @pamacs-macs @hwalllllllelujah @d3kstar @thewannabewriter @vogueprincess @cha-hot @certifiedlesbianbaddie @nichmeddar

✼. note:⠀if you are listed here but are not receiving notifs, pls let me know!

[strangesthirdeye]

Our Star (Ineffable Hubbys x Baby fem! Reader)

Summary: A bit of a story about two husbands with their baby girls.

Warning: It's Ineffable husbands.. Who doesn't love them? Fluff, soft, love, no episode 6 allowed, miracle, baby reader is made from miracles, don't ask me how, Crowley being Crowley, Crowley like children, Aziraphale is papa bear, Cuddle, IT'S STARS MINI SERIES, Aftermath of Armageddon.

As usual, I'm sorry if there are any wrong sentences or typos or grammatical mistakes, please forgive me and again English is not my first language, so I try to improve my language and writing in this way.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

#2019#

"isn't she's cute, Crowley? look at these little toes! They're very fluffy" Aziraphale gushed over the pink bundle in his hand with an excited smile.

Crowley looked over Aziraphale's shoulder to see the pink bundle in her husband's hand. "she's remind me of Adam when I have to send him to the satanic nun. Except, she's not causing Armageddon" Crowley wriggling his fingers in front of the baby girl's face which makes the baby let out a soft moan.

Aziraphale made a face. "she's not Satan's child. She's our child.. Daughter for more details. We made her with a miracle. It's quite difficult to masked such a miracle to create this beautiful baby from both sides. She's got our DNA. Well, technically, She's got half of me and you but we don't know what will happen to her when she's old enough to walk"

Crowley tilted his head slightly. "She's not turning into a demon or Angel, Angel.. She's half demon half angel which shouldn't be but well, we don't have anything to do with both sides anymore, don't we?"

Aziraphale paused. "well, I'm pretty sure they won't know about her.. I'll make sure of it"

Crowley smiled and kissed Aziraphale's cheek. "well, what should we name her?"

Aziraphale was speechless looking at the baby girl snuggled against the bundle with a softened face. Aziraphale could feel something fluttering in his body when he saw the cute scene in his hands. Aziraphale let out a soft breath and smiled and gently kissed the baby girl's forehead.

"Y/n..Her name is Y/n"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

#2019 ( a weeks old ) #

"Now I need to deliver this book in London so, Crowley dear. You need to take care of Y/n for a few hours. She needs her milk whenever she's upset or hungry. If she's still upset, pick her up and rock her back and forth until she's falling asleep. It's easy to take care of her. She's a good lady, aren't you, Sweetheart?" Aziraphale poked his index fingers on your red cheeks after explaining everything that was important to Crowley who was standing in the middle of the bookshop while holding your small body in both hands.

Crowley let out a small breath. "Don't be long, Angel.. she's.. I don't know if what I'm doing is right or not. I don't want to hurt her" Crowley whined while bouncing you in his arms slowly trying to make sure his hold for you to be perfect so that you don't fall.

Aziraphale looked at his longing husband with a softened face. He then reached his hand to Crowley's cheek and rubbed it gently. "you won't hurt her, dear. Besides, you and her can spend time together.. You know? Get to know each other.. She's need to know that you are her father too, just as she needs to know that I am her papa"

Crowley stared at his husband for a long time before nodding and letting out a strange noise from his throat. "yeah, I think I can manage that. Me and her will spend time together with lots of fun today" Crowley smiled cheekily while bouncing you in both his hands.

You let out a soft whine of joy in your beige tartan colored bundle and kicked your feet in the air excitedly. Drool started to come out of the corner of your mouth which Aziraphale wiped it with his miracle napkin.

Aziraphale glared at him. "don't take her into the Bentley. She's barely a few weeks old"

Crowley groaned in protest. "oh come on! I'm not even going fast"

"no" Aziraphale replied and kissed your forehead and Crowley's cheek before walking out of the bookshop after just saying goodbye.

A few hours later, Crowley ended up taking you into the Bentley after you were secured in the baby seat next to him and drove around Soho at normal speed which just after he returned from driving with you, Aziraphale was waiting for him in front of the bookshop with a frown. Later, he got scolded by Aziraphale and Aziraphale took you in his hand and went away from him to put you to sleep.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

(6 months old)

It was a very late night at the bookshop and Aziraphale and Crowley still hadn't slept yet. Although they do not need sleep because they are celestial so that's mean they can stay awake every night without sleep. But then again, they both started to develop human nature little by little so they indeed need sleep.

Aziraphale already put you in your bedroom after you couldn't stop crying in Aziraphale's arms last evening. And you stopped crying right after Crowley took you from Aziraphale's arms which makes Azira a bit jealous but let it out as long as you stopped crying. You're just daddy's girl. But at the same time you are daddy's girl too if you are in a good mood.

Aziraphale unconsciously ran his fingers through Crowley's hair while reading a book. Meanwhile Crowley taking a quick nap on Aziraphale's lap that night after several attempts wrestling with you to shower. But eventually, he is also the wet one.

Aziraphale whispered some words he read from the book under his breath causing a soothing voice for Crowley to hear until he fell asleep. But, the peace didn't last long when you suddenly cried from upstairs.

Aziraphale stopped his reading and put his book to the side and looked up at the ceiling before sighing. Azira glanced at Crowley's side profile who was still sleeping soundly on his lap. He doesn't want to wake him up. He just closed his eyes. Azira decided to wake Crowley up by shaking his lap that Crowley put his head on. Crowley groaned tiredly and bewildered as he woke up from his peaceful sleep. He glanced upon Aziraphale's face with annoying engraved on his face.

"What?" he asked irritated at Aziraphale after waking him from sleep.

"Y/n is awake, I need to check her" Aziraphale said while pushing Crowley's head gently which made Crowley grunted in protest. Aziraphale then stood up before he walked up the stairs leading to your bedroom.

A few seconds later, Aziraphale shouted Crowley's name from above which makes Crowley rushing to get up and run up the stairs to your room with concern. He doesn't want anything to happen to you so he needs to go quickly.

A door burst open by Crowley, with a dangerous face he shouted your and Aziraphale's name in your room. He stopped when he saw the scene in front of him. Aziraphale beamed when he saw Crowley standing in front of the door. He smiled broadly.

"Oh, Crowley! look! she's sitting properly!" Aziraphale pointed out to you who was sitting in your crib with traces of tears on your face. Your face is red.

Crowley froze and lost his speech as he looked at you and Aziraphale with wide eyes. He slowly smiled and chuckled while shaking his head several times.

"Oh, I think something happened to her" Crowley said, approaching you and his husband. He looked at you in the crib with adoration.

"nothing happen to her, dear. She's sitting! aww, she took her first seat. Isn't it adorable?" Aziraphale kneeled beside your crib and rubbed his index finger on your red cheeks.

You whine and reach for his index finger before sucking his finger. Aziraphale giggled.

"yeah, yeah.. She's always cute.. Finally I can take her in the Bentley" Crowley kneeled beside Aziraphale and brushed his tiny hair.

Azira glared at Crowley. "No"

Crowley whined in protest. "oh come on!"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

(18 months old.)

It was a busy day in the bookshop and the bookshop was full of customers which Aziraphale had to assist them with the materials they needed, although he was a bit reluctant to give them to buy the book but well, it was Aziraphale. He's always like that. Crowley yawned as he sat longingly on the sofa with both hands spread on the chair. He really doesn't want to deal with customers so he decided to take you to the back room to avoid interacting with people. He's not very good at communicating with people, that's why he sits in the back room.

You who are sitting not far from Crowley play with the games provided by Crowley to entertain your time so that you don't get bored. You cooed in your little voice. Both hands actively playing and fidgeting Bentley car toys on the floor. Sometimes you move the car on the floor.

Crowley closed his eyes to take a nap.

He doesn't need to worry about your whereabouts now as you are safe in front of him, playing with toys so he just takes a quick nap to get rid of sleepiness plus to get rid of boredom. You gently pushed the Bentley toy car and giggled as you clapped your hands together. Glad the car is moving. You then crawled towards the car and reached the black toy car. You lifted and turned the car with big eyes.

You cooed happily then put the Bentley car back on the floor and pushed it with a strong force which makes the car move quickly and under the table in the corner of the room. Which is far from where you are. You whine. Not because you don't want to crawl there to get the car, but because you don't want to dirty your beautiful shirt with dust under the table.

You looked at your daddy who was sleeping soundly on the sofa with his mouth slightly opened. He looked very sleepy on the couch. Should you wake him up to get the toy car under the table? Just for you to get rid of boredom? But he looks tired and you don't want to bother him.

You huffed in frustration and stared at the bottom of the table with sharp eyes. Although you have many toys around you, but that car toy. That black Bentley toy car is your favorite. It reminded of you with your daddy's car. That's why it's your favorite. You huffed and started to do doggy style with your bottom in the air and your feet and hands on the floor. On all fours.

Not because you want to crawl, but you are trying to do something more than that, which is to stand. Yes, stand up. You've never done that before but you want to try. You started to push your hands off the floor. Both feet stay firmly on the floor and correct the position of your feet so that you can easily stand without support. You slowly raised your body. Sometimes you have to bend back to the floor because you struggle to support your body, but after a while, you stand up.

You beamed with your small voice with a smile on your face. And then without hesitation you began to carefully lift your right leg to step forward. One by one the steps were arranged by you as you happily let out a happy voice so loudly that it made Crowley wake up from his sleep. Crowley lifted his head from his seat and adjusted his black tinted glasses on the bridge of his nose. He let out a yawned and looked around. Just as his eyes looked at the spot where you should be sitting, he widened his eyes when he saw that you were missing from where you were supposed to be.

He panicked and got up from where he was sitting. His eyes flashed around the area catching a glimpse of you that he was supposed to take care of. He then brushed his hair with frustration.

'where did the little star go?' he thought with concern.

Just as he was about to move to the door to find Aziraphale, he heard a small voice from behind his sofa. He turned around and rushed to your couch hoping you were okay.

He kneeled and looked behind the sofa. There you are, standing or more details walking towards the table with both hands facing forward.

Crowley stunned, mouth slightly opened. His eyes widened behind his black tinted glasses. He watched your gestures as you staggered to the table with a smile on your face. You who are eager to go to the table don't seem to notice your daddy who freezes behind you.

The gears in Crowley's mind turned furiously. 'did she just-'

You cooed and sat under the table and happily picked up the Bentley toy car.

Fingers started fidgeting the toy car. Crowley jerked out of his reverie and let out a big laugh.

"Ahh, Star!" Crowley called you.

You turned your gaze from the toy car and looked at your daddy who was kneeling next to the sofa with his signature smirk.

You let out an amusement voice as if calling your daddy and show him your toy car. Crowley spread his hands beckoning you to come to him.

"come here, star! come to me. Come here, Star" Crowley said, cheekily waving his hands toward you to encouraged you to come to him.

"Dada!" You shouted, happily.

"yes! Daddy come here, star!" Crowley happily said. He almost wanted to cry. This is a precious moment for him.

You started making actions to stand up like before but now it's getting better. And then you start to set the pace on him with small steps. Crowley let out a loud voice of encouragement to you as he waved his hands to beckon you to come to him.

As you got closer, Crowley quickly scooped you into his arms and spun you around in the air with a laugh. The two of you laughed so loudly that Aziraphale who was settling the last customer heard the two of you laughing.

Aziraphale looked at the last customer who was on his way out with an apologetic face.

"sorry for the noises, it's just someone in the back room. Well, I think you have your materials yes? Great.. Thank you for coming" and he closed his bookshop door along with his window with a miracle.

He rushed towards the back room and opened the back room door with a beam.

"What's all that giggling about, Crowley?" he asked as he looked at the two people he loves the most who were hugging.

You nuzzled against Crowley's shoulder. Crowley glanced at his husband with a cheeky smile.

"She's taking her first walk, Angel!" he laughed.

Aziraphale widened his eyes, not believing what Crowley said. "Really?"

"yes! look" he put you on the floor. You looked at Crowley confused. "go on, Y/n. Go to Papa. Show him you can walk" he encouraged you.

You looked behind you and when your eyes glanced at your papa's figure, you beamed.

"Papa!" you started to get up and started to set your pace towards Aziraphale.

Aziraphale squealed excitedly and spread his arms. "Come here, baby. Oh, you're so cute"

You immediately hugged your Papa tightly when you reached his arms. You nuzzled against his fluffy hug.

"Papa!" You squealed.

"Oh, you are walking. My baby can walk now" Aziraphale said.

Crowley approached you both with a smile. "Our star is big, now she can ride a Bentley with me"

Aziraphale glanced at Crowley. "not yet"

"what?! What? She can walk, she can talk and sit well, why can't she ride a Bentley?" Crowley protested.

"With you driving.. hmph.. Just make me worry" Aziraphale replied.

"what? then when can she ride the Bentley then, Angel?" Crowley argued.

"maybe until she gets her first miracle or when she is already 2 or 3 years old" Aziraphale said with a smile.

Crowley grunted. "Argh- that was a while!"

Aziraphale giggled. "then you just have to wait and see what happens in the future"

Crowley groaned in protest and sulked. He walked to the sofa and sat not facing his husband's face.

Aziraphale just giggled and continued to hug you tightly while kissing your fragrant hair.

[choicesficwriterscreations]

April Creator of the Month: Aallotarenunelma

Each month, CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers or artists, and this month’s creator of the month is the lovely @aallotarenunelma! The writer is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page. Past COTM's can be found here.

Quick Links:

Tumblr Blog My Masterlist

How do you want to be known on Tumblr? 

Aallotar is fine. I am agender. My pronouns are they/them.

More below...

1- When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played? 

I saw the app being highlighted a lot in Google Play in 2017, but it was only at the end of February-beginning of March 2018 that I downloaded it. It was when Perfect Match 1 started releasing and shortly before Bloodbound 1 began releasing. Time is flying!

There were already a lot of books, and it was a bit overwhelming. I chose the series that was being heavily advertised: The Royal Romance.

2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?

I joined the Choices sub-Reddit in July 2019, then the Tumblr fandom in April 2020.

I first joined the sub because I wanted to discuss the books and the characters, and hopefully befriending other players. It was lonely to read the books, and having no one to share my opinions and theories with. Then, I took a step back from it and after lurking a bit, I joined the Tumblr community. 

3- How did you pick your blog name? 

When I joined Tumblr, in April 2020, it was initially to be a Writblr. I was writing a story about a heroine named Aallotar. Its title gave my blog’s URL. My blog’s title is its English translation: Aallotar’s dream.

In the end, my blog turned into a bit of everything.

4- Pull up the first post in your archive, and tell us about it!  

This is my very first post. This is my original writing, conveniently mentioned right above. :)

5- Do you write fanfiction, create fan art, or are you one of those really gifted people who do both? 

I define myself as an artist because I create. This is how I express myself. It doesn’t matter if the pencil I use is to write or to draw as long as I create. Before I started learning how to draw, I was always saying that I was drawing with words. To me, this is what writing is. I draw and paint with my words to depict stories that my characters want me to tell.

I mostly write, but I also create fan art, such as sketches and various kinds of edits: quotes, sprites, moodboards, etc. 

6- How long have you been creating for Choices and for any other fandoms?

For the defunct app Lovestruck, from December 2020 to October 2021.

For Choices, since April-May 2020. 

7- What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to create for?

My all-time favourite Choices book is Veil of Secrets. I adore it!

I heavily create for the It Lives Anthology - the three books - and also for Immortal Desires. I love these books so much that I made a crossover, and most of the characters from the Anthology and from ID have met and even befriended each other.

8- Share your first Choices fanfic or fan art that you posted with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were creating it today?

My first Choices fiction is a Blades one: Of Stardust and Light.

I still love it and I wouldn’t change anything - except the typos and the clumsy grammar/syntax, due to the fact I am not an English-native speaker.

For a long time, I thought it was my masterpiece, that I wouldn’t write something as good or even as better than this. But I proved myself wrong in the end.

The other reason why I wouldn’t rewrite it now is because I have definitively stopped writing for my Blades pairing, Tyril x Soile. I made it official a few months ago, and this decision is final.

9- What is your favorite piece of fiction or art that you created? 

It’s really hard to choose only one, but I do have a soft spot for Répondez, S’il Vous Plaît ! #3 because this is where I tell about my OCs’ Ash and Skylar’s meeting. It was a story I wanted to write for a long time and I love it.

Chronicles of a Crimson Summer deserves to be mentioned as well. This is the longest story I have shared here, and it’s a real balance of angst, fluff, and funny moments. Also, because its birth was extremely painful, so for all of these reasons, I am glad I wrote it and shared it.

10- Do you have a fic/art that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to do well but found it could use a little more love?

I never expect anything I share to be well received, whether it’s a fiction or a drawing. I’m only sharing it, hoping that at least someone will find it and enjoy it. Even better if it helps the person in any way.

That said, sharing my art remains a lot more difficult than sharing my writing, so any art reblog is leaving me a bit confused, due to my imposter syndrome.

Most people here who are familiar with my stories have read some of the funny stories I have shared, as well as the fluffiest stories I have ever written - sometimes too fluffy for me. 

However, this isn’t only what my writing is about. Darker Than Night has generated so much indifference that it saddens me.

This series really shows what my writing is, minus the layer of humour that you can usually expect. It truly deserves better, just like In Joy and Sorrow, that actually gives a good idea of what my writing really is.

11- (WRITERS) If you could write only angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why? 

I usually share a lot of fluff here, because the world outside is hard, so I want to uplift people with sweet and funny stories. However, my original writing is usually angsty with some funny and fluffy moments to alleviate all the angst a little. So, I’m choosing angst. Definitely. To me, writing angst is comforting.

11a - (ARTISTS) If you could only draw one style or type of art for the rest of your life, what would it be and why? 

I could easily do oil pastels for the rest of my life. It’s an easy technique to learn, it’s very forgiving, it’s calming, and I love how it looks.

12 - Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?

I am agender and aspec, so in any non-binary and/or aspec MC / OC of mine can be found parts of me, regardless of how they define themselves on those large spectrums. Representation is highly important to me, so this is one of the recurring themes in my writing.

Also, the witty/sarcastic and playful characters are easy to write because I know them too well!

13 - What element of writing/art do you struggle with most?

Finding the right word is difficult, either in English or in my native tongue. I always want to capture the emotion, the feeling, the landscape with the perfect word. I’m still learning in my daily life.

Regarding my art, at the level I am right now, that would be shadows. Sometimes, they look great, but they often don’t. Practice makes perfect, so this is what I do whenever I can.

14 - Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?

I tend to have only one WIP that I see to end. One reason for this is that I usually write my stories in a notebook, before I type them down to share them. The state of the notebook is not always great; I even sometimes struggle to re-read what I corrected!

If it’s about my original work, then, yes, I want to finish that one novel’s second draft.

15 - If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to see your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you show them first? 

It has actually happened with one of my siblings. At that time, I was only writing for Blades and had maybe like five stories posted. I let my sibling read them because we are close. For other people, I think it would be on a case-by-case basis, but most likely not. I'd rather make them read my original writing, if my shyness isn’t getting in the way.

16 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing or art? Are there any artists that influence you?

Émile Zola and Arto Paasilinna are my all-time favourite writers.

I am learning from every fanfiction writer I am reading. First, because I read in a foreign language. Second, because I believe you learn from everyone every day.

In terms of art, I don’t think I have a particular influence. I am still exploring my style.

17- (WRITERS)  Which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series? 

It would be In Joy and Sorrow. I created this It Lives in the Woods AU series to give a life to my first MC, Riikka. The one she couldn’t have. In this series, I talk about close friendships, coming outs, being bilingual/bicultural, how to navigate a romantic relationship as an aspec*, how to deal with bullying/harassment, etc. I talk about timeline collapse and time-travelling as well.

And because there’s the most delightful OC ever, my all-time favourite: Ash. He truly is one of a kind and his friendship with Dan is really something special.

*aspec: a person on the aromantic and asexual spectrums.

18 - (ARTISTS) Which one of your creations would you like to see a fiction written about? 

I don’t have any yet that would justify the honor of having a fiction being written about.

19- Do you write original fiction or create non-fandom art? 

I started writing when I was 10 years old. It was thanks to an assignment for my native tongue class when we were studying the structure of a fairytale. I really enjoyed writing one, so I kept writing over the summer. Little stories about everything and nothing.

I wrote my first novel when I was 13, but never dared to send it to a publisher. I kept writing novels - and not sending them, I have a nice collection, now! - and branching out in other forms of writing, in hope to develop as a writer: rpg forums, poetry, (fan)fictions, creative writing course, etc. I took a ten year break from writing (fan)fictions before returning to them.

I am working on the second draft of a novel about grief, and I have three other different novels already outlined.

Regarding art, I mostly create non-fandom art.

20-  What other hobbies do you have?

Except writing and drawing; I paint murals and do oil pastel; I do theatre; I design and crochet my own clothes.

I enjoy watching old films, Hollywood era and silent ones included, but modern films as well, if they are excellent.

I love learning foreign languages, listening to music and going to gigs.

I am also a true race car enthusiast, preferably Formula races - F1 to F4, Formula Regional included.

I also enjoy going for walks in nature and travelling.

21: Tell us anything you’d like (if you want to).

I want to thank CFWC for highlighting me, and giving me the chance to talk more about my characters, my stories, my writing and my art. This means a lot, especially as this month is also when I’m celebrating my 4 year Tumblr Anniversary.

Thank you for your support throughout these years!

I want to thank so many people, but I’m also scared to miss any of them!

Thank you to my friends, old and new. 💛

Thank you to everyone who has read and reblogged my stories and left kudos and comments on them. It has been helping me so much in believing in myself and my writing.

Thank you to everyone who has reblogged my art and my edits and left comments on them.

Thank you to every talented person who has gifted me a piece of their beautiful art, written or not, anonymously or not.

Thank you to everyone who has asked about my characters and my stories.

Thank you to everyone who has sent me positive and uplifting messages.

Lastly, thank you to every single person who has supported me these past months, in many different ways. Your kindness and your presence have made a difference, and I am grateful for those and for you all.

And a special shoutout to my fellow rainbow creators! 🌈

[haveyouseenthishorrormovie]

Not a poll request (so don't worry if you don't want to answer on the blog) but - could we get each of the mods' top 10 horror movies? (: I'd be so interested in hearing them!

Long post!

Mod Z:

*long sigh* *opens letterboxd*

2. Beau is Afraid (2023)

K-12 (2019)

NOTE: Yk what imma just leave this here

NOTE: a masterpiece i probably won’t rewatch for a long time but since i’m an ari aster truther it deserved this spot

3. Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)

NOTE: Yes

4. The Crow (1994)

NOTE: Awesome ass movie. Awesome ass soundtrack. An absolute classic. I have the graphic novel it was based on and it’s one of the best things I have in my library

5. Carrie (1976)

NOTE: Stephen King’s the best at writing real characters <3

6. The Craft (1996)

NOTE: As a wicca myself, accurately depicted teen witches are my jam and this film did the best job at it

7. Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022)

NOTE: The only reason this isn’t in the top 5 is because i haven’t seen it in a while. If u had asked me in early 2023 i would’ve put this in second place for sure

8. Cam (2017)

NOTE: So underrated. Go watch this on Netflix now while u don’t know anything about it

9. Frankenweenie/Nightmare before Christmas/Edward Scissorhands

NOTE: CHILDHOOD (lumping them together cuz i couldn’t decide which tim burton film to add)

10. Smile (2022)

NOTE: okay wait this scared me shitless at the theatre and i just convinced myself this movie was bad to stop myself freaking out but this is a genuinely good and scary movie i’ve made up my mind

These are subject to change and Invisible Man (2020) definitely deserves an honorable mention but I haven’t seen it in a while to check if it still holds up

----

Mod L:

The Thing (1982)

Absolute masterpiece. Perfect marriage of cast, visuals, music, and script. They (audiences in 1982) hated Jesus (John Carpenter) because he told them the truth.

2. Ravenous (1999)

I love social horror more than life itself, and this is a pitch-perfect example. I recommend Atun-Shei Films' Overanalyzing Ravenous, if you haven't seen it yet.

3. Ju-on: The Grudge (2002)

See above re: social horror. I never stop thinking about how this series was inspired by rising incidents of domestic violence in Japan - how the contagion of violence in the home spreads to anyone who comes in contact with it.

4. Demon (2015)

This would pair amazingly well with my next pick, which is:

5. La Llorona (2019)

To quote a friend of mine after we watched Demon, "there is no society without memory."

6. Black Christmas (1976)

Truly ahead of its time as a slasher, as well as in its politics. Ladies, never date a Peter, and DON'T trust the Toronto Police.

7. The Devils (1971)

Nobody was doing it like Ken Russell, and nobody ever will again.

8. The Changeling (1980)

This movie understands the greatest horror of all: Joseph Kennedy Sr.

9. Us (2019)

My favourite Peele to date, no I will not be budged on this point.

10. Peeping Tom (1960)

An extremely prescient film about the male gaze and the medium of film.

(Mod Sus releases their own once they get the braincells rubbing for more than 5 movies)

[snek-panini]

It is Monday, and Monday is for books. Look at these beautiful things! They took me five months to make. I tried so many new things in the process and I am extremely proud of them. This is a binding of @racketghost's amazing Good Omens fic Strange Moons (Hi. I hope it's ok I tagged you in this. Your fic has been one of my favorites since I found it in 2019.) The story is a series of short fics (and one long one) that really need no introduction from me. They're set throughout the 20th century, and they are beautiful and sensual and moody and you should definitely read them if you haven't already. This is the longest work I've bound so far, but I was fortunate that the word count on the shorter fics added up to almost exactly the length of the final, longest one, making them the perfect choice for a two-volume set. I tried very hard to get them to be an exact match, and they turned out even better than I pictured.

More pics under the cut! Two books means twice the pics, and all the stuff I tried here means it's a very long post, so be warned.

Individual images of the covers. The titles are done in silver htv over brown faux leather, edged in charcoal bookcloth. The graphics are the same on both, except for the title text, and they have the same image of the reaching hands on the back. All the art assets are from rawpixel, I just flipped and rotated some of them to make the back image.

The cover materials were an interesting challenge. I'd worked with both before and wanted to incorporate them both in the design, but after measuring and checking grain direction I found I didn't have enough of either of them to do a full book, or even a half bind. So they're actually made by affixing the faux leather to the book board, then layering strips of book cloth over the top. The corners are actually mitered at a 45-degree angle. Here's a close-up:

It's two long strips of cloth (spine and fore edge, not mitered) with two short strips (top and bottom, mitered) glued over the top. There was so much measuring, omg. I bought a new tool to make sure I got it right. Hilariously, I still didn't have enough leather and had to order another roll anyway. Also hilariously, I got the idea to do this after seeing an image of a leather-bound book made by a professional that appeared to have the same feature, i.e. multiple materials with an inset and mitered corners. Wow, I said, looking at a video thumbnail, I'm going to do that! So I did, even though I didn't watch the video. Much later, after I watched his tutorial, it was clear that the design was from leather dye and tooling, not the thing that I did at all. But I do like the effect, and now I know it's possible I think it'll be great for using up weird offcuts from making other covers.

Look, spines! With TITLES on them! And LITTLE RIDGES! Both firsts for me. I'm a little obsessed with them. The cricut has opened up entirely new worlds, though I suspect the little silver lines might have been easier to do with a foil pen (which I don't have) than they were with a heat press. I did them by making the cricut cut out several "=" symbols that were the same width as the spine. The raised bands are false bands; I made them by layering little pieces of chipboard on the spine stiffener, then molding the book cloth around them when I covered them. I was worried it wouldn't work, since this is usually done with leather and book cloth is apparently way less stretchy, but it worked fine. Probably because it's a small straight design, no curves or fancy bits. I'd layer the chipboard thicker next time so they stand up higher (this is 2 layers, I'd do 3 in future) but I'm delighted by how this turned out. They look so professional.

The endpapers on both books are a constellation print. I had a really hard time trying to find something to go with the typeset, and the only ones I liked were from an etsy seller who kept selling out of them. I got lucky eventually but it was one of many hassles that befell this project. I also made my own end bands using a tutorial from the Renegade Bindery discord. I had some issues and I didn't quite nail them but I think they're pretty good for a first time (ok, second time, the first one was on a practice text block, but my point stands). I had originally intended this to be a split boards binding, my first time trying that, but when I got the boards glued on I found that they were crooked. Really crooked. Completely misaligned. Much swearing followed this discovery. I ended up having to cut the boards free, cutting the mull and tapes in the process. The mull was easily replaced, but the parts of the tapes that are usually glued to the boards were a lost cause. I reused the boards, but flipped them so the edge with the cut tapes inside is at the fore edge so I could have a cleaner hinge. You can see in the last photo that the cover board is a little wider at the fore edge. On the plus side, there are no tapes to wrinkle my pretty endpapers and it combated the small bit of spine swell I had. On the downside, the hinge has less support and the only thing I learned was How Not To Make A Sewn Boards Binding.

I may have gone a little nuts with the images in this typeset. In my defense they look very pretty. In order, that's the title page, table of contents, section break image (same as the back cover, just tiny), chapter header and ender (each chapter has one on its first and last pages, they just look particularly cool when you can get a full page spread like this), and the image on the last page of the book (same as the cover image, almost). The cover image was also supposed to have little rays coming off its moon like this one does, but the lines proved too thin for the cricut and it ate them. I still like how it looks though. The prose in this story is really rich and I was in the mood for opulence when I did it. I have absolutely no regrets.

Here's a feature that's unique to this typeset. One of the chapters in the second volume has three alternating, interwoven timelines. I read them fine on Ao3 but had trouble following them when I formatted it for printing. Usually I'd use the section break image to denote when there's a scene skip but there are literally dozens in this chapter, like 40-60 breaks over the course of 10 or so pages, and it looked very busy with images in it. So I left them out, made the line skips single instead of double like they are elsewhere in the book, and I color-coded the text instead. One timeline is printed in black, one is dark gray, and one is dark blue. And it's a very surreal chapter, with the characters having some very confusing and conflicting emotions, so I feel like reading multicolored text when you're not expecting it (the rest of the book is all normal black and this bit is near the middle) sort of reflects that unbalanced feeling? I hope so anyway, because I love the way it looks so much.

I learned so many things in the course of making these. I'm absolutely doing all of them again. Part of the reason it took so long was that I wanted it to be perfect, or as near as I could get, and I had to take the time to solve all the puzzles it threw at me. But it stretched my creativity and ingenuity and I could not be more in love with the finished product.

[hstylesloverr]

MAY.

dad!harry x singer!reader | the series’s masterlist | part two.

parining: dad!harry x singer!reader

warnings: pregnancy, mentions of pregnancy, vomiting, nausea, angst, baby denial. 

-

May, 2019.

Harry Styles was sleeping soundly in the king-size bed he shared with his girlfriend when the unpleasant sounds from the bathroom grew louder as Harry woke up. His eyes had to adjust to the morning light, and when he leaned down to look at the clock on his nightstand he saw that it was only a quarter past six in the morning. There was no way Y/N was up this early. Unless it was something really urgent.

Harry woke up quickly and apprehensively made his way to the bathroom, where he saw his girlfriend kneeling in front of the toilet, throwing up and making really nasty noises.

"Y/N, babe." Harry quickly knelt down beside her, twirling her hair to keep it from getting smeared with vomit and gently stroking her back.

After about a minute the vomiting stopped completely, Harry quickly handed her a piece of paper to clean up and a glass of water to get the vomit taste out of her mouth, Y/N smiled slightly at him in thanks and gladly accepted them.

Harry rubbed her back gently "Honey, maybe you should go to the doctor, I heard there's a stomach bug."

"It's nothing, Harry." Y/N shrugged. “I'm sure it's the pizza you cooked yesterday, I already told you that you put a lot of cheese on it.”

Harry pretended to be offended “The pizza was in perfect condition.”

"Whatever you say, cook." She kissed him on the cheek before getting up from the bathroom floor and going back to bed. Harry followed her after closing the bathroom door and making sure everything was in perfect order.

"I'm serious Y/N, maybe you should see a doctor."

Y/N rolled her eyes, but at Harry's seriousness she finally relented.

"Okay, I promise if I keep feeling bad I'll go to the doctor."

The topic was not mentioned again for the rest of the morning. Harry had to go into the studio early to finish perfecting some songs for his new album due out later that year, and Y/N was going to have lunch with her friends and bandmates, and then they'd have to start organizing events. for her tour that would start early next year.

Harry moved closer to Y/N to give her their usual goodbye kiss as she reached for the pair of sock in her hand, however, the girl scowled and quickly pushed him away.

“What's happening?” Harry said, surprised and offended at the same time.

“What perfume did you wear? It is awful.”

“It was the one you gave me for Valentine's Day!” Y/N frowned and moved closer to Harry to sniff him, however it was a bad idea as she immediately gagged.

"My God, I'm literally nauseated. It is impossible for it to be my perfume, I have good taste. Are you sure it's not the one Jeff gave you?”

Harry rolled his eyes in exasperation. And before Y/N could react he pulled her close to him and gave her a quick kiss on the lips.

“I'm leaving, I'm already late. Bye, I love you.”

Y/N smiled slightly.

"I love you too." As Harry opened the door to their apartment and started to leave, Y/N yelled at him. “Seriously, tell Jeff to learn how to pick better perfumes!”

She heard her boyfriend's light chuckle, followed by the sound of the door closing.

When Y/N took her car to go to the cafeteria where she would meet Rosé, Lisa and Jisoo, she saw her mother's incoming call on her mobile. She hurried to pick it up.

“Mom! how is everything?”

"It's all right, darling. And you?”

“Well, now I was going with the girls to have some breakfast, what are you doing now?”

“I was trying to make an appointment with a couple, the woman is pregnant and apparently all my available days this week coincide with her doctor, gynecologist and nutritionist appointments.”

Her mother worked in interior design, and even though she no longer needed to work as Y/N's fame had spread worldwide and money was not in short supply to speak in modest terms, Y/N's mother was really passionate about her job and didn't want to leave it before retirement.

“What does a nutritionist have to do with a pregnancy?” Y/N asked mockingly as she climbed into the driver's seat of his car.

“Nutrition during pregnancy is very important, darling. When I was pregnant with you, aside from nausea caused by any kind of smell, I had to stop eating peanuts, and you know how much I love peanuts.”

"Yeah, it must have been really hard for you," Y/N commented nonchalantly as she put the call on speaker and started his car. However, after making in the realization of what her mother had said, she frowned and said in a voice perhaps too shrill than it should have been. “Mom, did you have a lot of nausea when you were pregnant?”

"Of course, honey, I was throwing up at least five times a day during the first trimester. However, the second quarter was pretty good.”

“And you had nausea like... for example... with a perfume?”

"Oh yes, your father's perfumes really made me sick. I made him throw them all away the first week, why the question?”

"Ah, nothing is...just curious." Y/N cleared her throat and decided she couldn't drive anymore, so she headed to the nearest public garage so no fans or paparazzi could see her. “I have to hang up mom, uh... I'll call you later.”

"Sure, darling, bye. Say hi to Harry for me.”

Y/N just hung up and settled in the emptiest part of the garage. She turned off the engine and rested her forehead on the steering wheel, trying to control her breathing. She thought about calling Harry and telling him her worries, but was she really pregnant? what if she wasn't and it was just the pizza Harry cooked last night and she was worrying about nothing?

She quickly grabbed her phone and went to the calendar app where she had all her menstrual periods listed, since she wasn't very good at remembering those things. She frantically looked at the months of January, February, March, and April. Nothing in May. Her period was supposed to have come three weeks ago. Any. Y/N sank completely into her seat, suddenly feeling very cold.

She and Harry had a very active sex life, meaning they fucked almost every day. But they always took preventive measures. Apart from that, they had only been together for a year and a couple of months, isn't it supposed that to have a child you have to have been together for a longer time, like five years or so?

Then there were their careers. They were both singers and they were currently the most famous of the moment, they were busy with their songs, tours, meetings, photo shoots, recordings, interviews, how the hell was a child going to fit into all that? Harry and Y/N had barely had time to spend the last few months, how could they have time for a child?

Harry had always wanted children, he had known from a very young age, but was this really the time? What if Y/N is a bad mother and her son hates her for the rest of his life?

As Y/N was about to cry, her cell phone vibrated with an incoming call. Y/N looked at the name and saw that it's Lisa, so she hurriedly grabbed it.

“Y/N, pretty, we're all in the cafeteria, where are you?”

"I, uh... I'm coming, I'll be there in a moment," Y/N said with such a small voice that for a moment she thought Lisa hadn't heard her.

“Everything is alright?”

“Yes, everything is fine, calm down, I'm coming.”

“You don't sound good at all.”

Y/N cleared her throat.

“I'll be there in a moment.”

When Y/N arrives at the cafeteria, wearing a hat and glasses strategically placed so as not to be recognized, her friends are already waiting for her at a table and when Y/N sits next to them they greet each other affectionately.

"I think I'll order an American coffee," said Rosé as they looked at the menu to start ordering lunch. Lisa and Jisoo also ordered coffee and when Y/N nonchalantly said that she would go for a decaf Jisoo frowned.

“But if you hate decaf, you even got mad at Mitch for ordering a decaf, you said "why are you going to order a decaf, that's not even coffee!" "

Y/N was beginning to regret having so strongly professed her hatred of decaf coffee. But since she didn't know if she was pregnant or not, and wouldn't know until she bought two pairs of pregnancy tests, she couldn't take that chance.

"You're weird," Rosé observed, staring at her. “Are you sick?”

"Harry told us yesterday that you were sick to your stomach," Lisa commented, "you should go see a doctor, there's a stomach bug somewhere."

Y/N decided there was no point in lying to her friends, I mean, they'd known each other for over four years, and they'd been through all sorts of things together. Besides, she needed to vent to someone because if she didn't she thought she was going to go crazy.

“Actually, it's because...” Y/N wrung her hands nervously “I think I'm pregnant.”

A crushing silence fell over them. Jisoo was the first to react.

“Pregnant? You’re going to have a baby?”

"It's not... I'm not sure, but I've been waking up for a couple of days and running to the bathroom to throw up, and I'm constantly nauseous, and the perfume Harry was wearing today almost made me throw up, plus I was supposed to have gotten the period three weeks ago so... I don't know what to do guys, should I tell Harry? Or should I wait until I get tested to tell him?”

Lisa, who was at her side, gently placed a hand on her shoulder to comfort her.

”We are going to buy several pregnancy tests. That way you'll get out of doubt. And... whatever comes out, we'll work from that.”

Rosé and Jisoo immediately agreed. So they canceled all the meetings they had for the rest of the day and headed to the nearest pharmacy.

Since they were at risk of anyone seeing them, and seeing that they were buying pregnancy tests and chaos breaking out over Y/N and Harry, they decided that it would be better for neither of them to take off their hats and glasses and also buy other things to deflect the attention.

Jisoo was the one who took it upon herself to buy wrinkle creams first before quickly heading over to the pregnancy section and quickly grabbing four boxes, quickly throwing them into the shopping cart along with the creams, and pretending to be normal. Rosé and Y/N put in a couple of boxes of diarrhea pills and Lisa put in a large bottle of rubbing alcohol and gauze pads. They pretended to be completely normal and when they went to the register to pay they made sure not to look up at any time.

In the end they came out with three bags and the pregnancy tests well hidden in them. If by any chance someone had recognized them, they would only be seen with three pharmacy bags that could contain anything.

Harry wouldn't be home until five in the afternoon, so they had about five and a half hours to take the test and decide what they would do depending on the result. Y/N took the four boxes and entered the bathroom, while the others waited for her outside.

Since Y/N had never taken a pregnancy test before, she spent at least eight minutes reading the instructions. She followed all the instructions and when she finished all four tests she had to wait at least five minutes. Her hands were sweaty and she felt numb as she left the bathroom and announced to the others that now they would just wait.

She sat next to Rosé while Lisa set the timer. Her mind was in a kind of loop where she could only imagine herself telling Harry over and over again: I'm pregnant. Sometimes those repetitions alternated and the result was either Harry extremely happy telling Y/N and their son how much he loved them, or it was Harry getting mad at her, or it was Harry not saying a word and just walking away.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Lisa's cell phone, announcing that the five minutes had passed. The three gazes of her friends landed on Y/N, who without saying a word went back to the bathroom, to the sink, where the four tests were perfectly placed.

When Y/N came out of the bathroom again, so pale her skin was starting to turn purple, Lisa, Rosé, and Jisoo approached her worriedly.

Y/N didn't say anything, just handed the evidence to Jisoo and headed to her room, slamming the door shut. Jisoo raised her arm and the three of them looked worriedly at the word inscribed on each of them.

Pregnant.

[jessicaloons]

Chapter 6:

Because these things will change, can you feel it now?

Masterlist - Previous - Next

TW: sexual harassment, assault

"Damn you look good in all red!" I said and looked at Charles in his Ferrari race suit "I mean Seb looked suave… but you? Damn!"

"Stop it, Lizzie!" he chuckled as he checked himself in the mirror, after a while his look changed and I saw him tear up. I jumped up and stood next to him.

"They’re so incredibly proud of you, Charles! Your dad and Jules wished for nothing more than you making your way to Ferrari one day! And that day has come! I know they can’t be here, it’s only us… or well me right now… but Charles, I’m so, so proud of you! This is what you always wanted and you achieved it! This is amazing! You’re amazing!" I said and Charles turned to look at me, a tear running down his cheek.

"That you’re here means the world to me, ma belle!" he whispered and kissed my cheek before hugging me "Thank you for always being by my side! No matter what!"

"There’s no place I would rather be, than here with you, Charlie bear!" I answered and he smiled at me.

"I always ask myself what I did to deserve you, my beautiful, sweet and perfect Lizzie!" he whispered under his breath and it was so quiet, I wasn’t sure he wanted to say it for me to hear, but he just hugged me even closer and I felt the butterflies fly like crazy.

"And what is it exactly?" I asked and the fellow female drivers around me nodded agreeing.

"It is basically a racing series only for female drivers." Catherine Bond Muir said "It’s our way to show that girls or women do have a place in motorsports. To show inclusion."

"Inclusion?" Jamie asked and Jessica next to me just huffed.

"Doesn’t it only divide? Having a series only for female drivers instead of making a way for us in Formula 1?" I said and Jamie nodded

"This is just the first step, to show that female drivers deliver an attractive performance." Catherine said.

"We’re around 50 drivers? How many of us will race in the series? And how will you pick out the lucky ones?" I asked.

"You have to complete 10 modules that will test your skills in racecraft, fitness, media training and sponsorship pitches, before a final knockout series of races that will decide the 28 drivers that will progress into to the next stage." she started to explain and I scoffed, looking around a lot of other drivers didn’t like what they heard as well.

"I never heard of a male driver to complete modules in media training and sponsorship pitches to gain a seat in F1?" I said and Catherine nodded only.

"It’s simple Miss Doetterer, you’re women, people will have their opinion about you, so we need to find the perfect drivers to represent all female drivers to show that you’re perfectly capable of doing what the men do. And for that we need you to be not just the best drivers but also the most approachable, the most interesting, the most well-spoken drivers out there." she answered and Jamie laughed.

"You mean you need good drivers, who also look good and smile nice into the cameras and say only good things about the series?" she asked and Catherine sighed.

"To put it bluntly: yes. That’s what we need from you." she answered.

"When do these tests begin?" Jessica asked and with that the selection of the drivers for the 2019 WSeries began.

"You made it?" Charles looked at me with big eyes as I hung up "Come on, ma belle! What’s going on! Tell me!"

"I’m racing in the WSeries! 10 races, one in Hockenheim, I’m one of the 18 drivers they’ve selected…" I said and Charles launched at me and hugged me tight.

"I KNEW IT!" he almost shouted it and I began to laugh, as I felt the relieve washing over me "They would be stupid! You’re the best female driver out there! You’re even better than most of the guys on the grid! God Lizzie, you’re a better driver than me!"

"Ok stop, Charlie bear, that’s just not true! But thanks for saying it anyway!" I laughed and he just shook his head.

"You know that I would do absolutely everything to bring you into F1! I was talking with Seb about it, how we could do it but unfortunately we didn’t came up with a plan ‘till now!" he said and I looked at him with big eyes.

"You did what?" I asked and he only nodded "Charles that’s ridiculous! F1 is not ready for a female driver, probably never will be…" I said and he sighed.

"Doesn’t matter, I will fight for you!" he answered and I gave him a kiss on his cheek, but when I looked at him I was blushing at his sweet smile.

"Thanks Charles, really!" I whispered and he hugged me again.

"Always, ma belle."

"LIZZIE! LIZZIE! LIZZIE!" the fans shouted as I got out of the car. Putting on my cap. I looked around and saw a bunch of people with the German Flag, caps with my initials and driver number, all shouting for me. I couldn’t contain my smiling and waved to everyone.

"Hi guys! Thanks for coming! Hi! So good to see you! Thank you so much for your support! You’re amazing!" I said and signed pictures of me, smiled for selfies, signed caps, flags and shirts.

"Lizzie! You’re so cool! You’re like the best driver on the grid! Overall I think you’re the best driver!" a little girl said and smiled the biggest smile.

"Thank you so much! Maybe not the best driver! But it sure means a lot when you say that!" I said and she just smiled even more "Here, for you!" I said and took my cap off of my head and used her sharpie to sign it.

"Oh my god! OH MY GOD! Are you sure?! You’re so, so, so cool! Thank you so much!" she said and hugged me. I smiled as I took more selfies here and there and waved to the mass of fans.

"Charles, it was so surreal! They were screaming my name! MY NAME! Can you believe that? Waving the German flag! They wanted selfies with me! ME! Me signing their cap, pictures of me, random stuff!" I was giddy and couldn’t stop smiling as I FaceTimed Charles before the race.

"Of course I can believe it, Lizzie! I always told you that people will love you! How can they not! I’m so happy for you, ma belle!" he said and his smile made me even more giddy and happy.

The next race would be in Assen and not only my entire family would be there, also Charles and Arthur would come along with my friends. They watched me snatch Pole position with a flawless lap and all stood at the barriers to congratulate me.

"That was a phenomenal lap, ma belle!" Charles whispered as he hugged me and I just smiled at him. I saw Ben and Michael approach me and they both hugged me.

"You did absolutely amazing, Liz!" said Ben and smiled at me.

"Fantastic job, Lizzie!" Michael, his dad and my manager said and I just smiled the whole evening as I went to dinner with my family and friends. I could see Charles looking at me one or two times with a look I couldn’t quite interpret, when I talked to Ben, who joined us and wanted to know all about Daniel.

"You okay, Charlie bear?" I asked him as I sat down next to him and he just nodded and smiled his all consuming, dimples showing smile.

"I’m just so proud of you, ma belle! Fourth race. Fourth pole. And I bet my ass tomorrow you’ll take your fourth win as well!" he said and when he tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear I blushed. Hard.

"We will see I guess." I said breathlessly and Charles laughed a little as he realised why I was so flustered but didn’t say anything.

"I’m 100 percent sure, ma belle." he answered and with that we left the restaurant.

I sat on a stack of tires, gathering my thoughts, calming myself down.

"Lizzie?" I heard a male voice and turned around. It was one of the reporters who I just answered some questions about the season, I couldn’t remember his name but I was sure he was from a Spanish website.

"Uhm, hi…" I began and jumped off of the tires.

"Salva Diaz, Marica Sports Spain." he said, reading my mind "I just wanted to speak to you personally."

"Okay? About what exactly?" I asked a little confused as Salva looked around and stepped closer to me.

"I thought I approach you first, I’ve seen the way you look at me, the way you smile and laugh when answering my questions. You’re flirting…" he said and took another step closer as I was taking one back, bumping against the wall of the garage.

"I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression! But that’s just how I am… I wasn’t flirting with you." I said calmly although I felt not calm at all, I looked around if someone was there but we were alone.

"Oh come on, Lizzie, you don’t have to be shy now. I’ve felt the connection, the chemistry between us. You felt it too, I could see it in your eyes!" he said firmly and stepped even closer.

"I’m sorry, but there really isn’t any kind of connection between us… I’m just polite." I tried to reason with him but he stepped even closer and caged me in with his hands on both sides of my head.

"Don’t be like that Lizzie, just admit it…" he said and I froze, I couldn’t move as he leaned in and kissed me. I didn’t kiss him back, just tried to push him off of me as he pushed me back against the wall, kissing me again. Groping me. Grabbing my wrist with that I tried to push him away.

"No. Please stop!" I said again and again as someone approached us. Salva was distracted and I could finally push him away.

"Lizzie? What’s going on?" Jamie said as she looked at me and then Salva "Dude, fuck off! Leave her alone!" he backed off and with one last look at me and Jamie he walked away "If you ever come near her, we’ll call the police!"

I sank down and pulled my knees to my chest, Jamie crouching down in front of me.

"Lizzie?" she asked and I looked at her "Are you okay? Did he touch you? Or hurt you?"

"No, I’m good! But thank you so much for stepping in, Jamie!" I lied and she smiled.

"I never liked this dude! He always looked at you like he’s kinda obsessed with you!" Jamie shook her head and helped me up "If he ever comes near you again, we really gonna call the cops!"

"Yeah. You’re right!" I answered and we walked back into the garage.

The whole time leading towards the race I couldn’t stop thinking about what he said. Did I really, unintentionally, flirt with him? Even tho I didn’t even know him? Never even spoke to him before? Never even talked to him?

"Lizzie? Did you hear me?" Mike, my race engineer, asked "It’s going to rain around lap 25 on going."

"Yep, rain, lap 25. Got it." I mumbled and jumped in my car, still thinking about Salva and how he pushed me against the wall, kissed me, touched me without my consent. I hadn’t expected my first kiss to be forced onto me violently. I felt the bile rise up in my throat but swallowed it down and tried to focus on the upcoming race. Focus Lizzie. I can do this.

The track was wetter than expected, I had to stay off the curbs, focus on the perfect racing line. But my mind always circled back to Salva Diaz. Pushing me against the wall. Grabbing me. Touching me. Telling me that I’ve flirted with him. Telling me that I sent out signals. Stealing my first kiss from me. My first kiss I only wanted to have with one person. The moment Charles face flashed before my eyes was the moment I hit a curb and lost the rear of my car. Although I tried everything to not lose the car, my race ended in the wall. My head spinning. My thoughts racing.

"Lizzie? Are you okay?" I couldn’t answer. I was furious. How could I make such a stupid mistake.

"Lizzie? Do you hear me? Are you okay?"

"I’m sorry. I lost the rear. I’m so sorry!" I hit the radio button.

"It’s okay. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I’m fine." I said and unbuckled my seatbelt and took my steering wheel out. As soon as I was out of the car I screamed a "Fuck!" out and followed one of the Marshalls behind the barriers.

As I returned back to the pits I saw my family, friends and in front Charles, all looking worried. He pulled me in a hug immediately and I felt some tears escaping my eyes.

"I’m such a fucking disappointment. I drove like a fucking rookie. What a fucking joke." I said and Charles only sighed.

"Well, let’s just be happy that I didn’t bet my fucking ass on your fourth win. Otherwise I would’ve lost it. What a fucking shame!" he said and I laughed.

"Stop it, Leclerc! I’m mad! Don’t make me laugh!" I chuckled.

"I’m sorry, Lizzie! That was my fucking mistake! I’m an idiot!" I laughed and he made me look into his eyes "There it is, the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen and probably ever will see!"

"Ha-ha!" I said and rolled my eyes and together we walked the few steps to the rest of my supporting group who all hugged me and encouraged me to do better the next race.

"Can I ask you a question?" Charles asked as we sat on the hotel bed, zapping through the channels, I nodded and he switched the TV of "What happened? During the race? We race together since we’re 8 and I never saw you lose the rear in the rain because you hit a curb? You’re brilliant in the rain? So what happened today?"

"I don’t know, I was so focused on winning my fourth race that I had like a tunnel vision I guess… I don’t know." I lied and Charles was only half convinced, but he didn’t say anything. I couldn’t tell him what happened before the race. He would hunt Salva down and god knows what he would do. This would be a secret I’ll take with me to grave.

"I can’t believe he’s gone. Like… we just talked yesterday?" Charles whispered and I gently rubbed circles on the back of his hand with my right hand. My left hand rubbing circles on Pierre’s back who was laying, his head in my lap, in Charles bed, finally sleeping.

"We always know that something like this can happen, whenever we get into our cars. But when it then really happens?” I whispered back and Charles leaned his head on my shoulder "And you guys really will race? The FIA couldn’t grant you the weekend off?"

"We decided to race. In honour of Tonio. He would’ve wanted for us to race." Charles whispered and I nodded.

"I’m so sorry for Pierre… losing him this weekend after everything that Red Bull put him through the last weeks…" I said and looked down at Pierre’s tear stricken face "He needs us now, more than ever, Charles."

"And we’ll be here for him." he answered and snuggled closer into me. After some time we both fell asleep.

"I’m so proud of you, Charlie bear! Your first win!" I whispered as I hugged him close at the barriers "For Anthoine!"

"For Anthoine!" he whispered back and I smiled at him one last time before I was leaving to look for Pierre. He drove his Toro Rosso at this tough weekend on P9 and I was so proud of him. When I finally found him after the podium celebrations I pulled him into me.

"You did a good job today, Pierre! After everything you’ve been through this week and weekend, you did a really good job! I’m proud of you! He’s proud of you!" I whispered and he choked a little.

"Thanks Lizzie! For everything! Without you and Charles yesterday… I don’t know what I would’ve done!" he whispered back.

"That’s what friends are for, right? You’ll never be alone as long as Charles and I run around!" I said and Pierre laughed "You did amazing, for Anthoine!"

"For Anthoine!" he whispered back and together we looked for Charles.

"You won in Monza, Charlie bear! I’m so proud of you!" I almost screamed it and Charles just laughed, hair still damp from the shower.

"And you won in Nuremberg! Your second home race! I’m even more proud of you!" he answered and I smiled at him.

“So big party tonight?" I asked and he just shook his head "It’s Monza? Ferraris home race? Come on!"

"Yeah we’ll have a drink later on and then go to a club, but nothing big planned. Not after…" he said and I sighed.

"Yeah… I understand." I answered and he nodded.

"What are your plans?" he asked and I just shrugged.

"I’m driving home with Dad. I’m not in the mood for celebrating…" I said and Charles cocked an eyebrow.

"Are you okay, Lizzie? You seem a bit off?" he asked and I shook my head.

"I’m good, don’t worry! Just tired!" I lied and Charles looked at me for a while before he nodded.

"I know you Lizzie, somethings off… you know you can tell me?" he said.

"I know Charles, I know! But it’s nothing! Really!" I smiled at him. Today was the first time since Assen that Salva Díaz was again at a press conference. He kept on starring at me the entire time, he didn’t ask any questions. Just him being there gave me the chills anyway. But I haven’t told anyone what happened between us and I wasn’t planning on doing it now.

"Okay…" Charles sighed and I nodded "I have to go now, the team’s waiting!"

"Have fun, Charlie bear! And hug Seb for me! He needs it after his race!" I said and Charles smiled.

"I will, I promise!" he said before he ended the call right as Dad walked in.

"Ready?" he asked and I nodded.

"Yep, let’s go!" I answered and we left the hotel and got in our car, making our way back home.

"How’s Ben?" Charles asked me as I studied the sheets for my final press conference of the season "I haven’t seen him around in a while."

"Yeah, well he’s studying and I don’t even know if he’s that interested in me racing…" I answered a little confused, why would he ask for Ben? I thought about the last time I saw Ben and how he asked me a million questions about Daniel.

"Well he’s definitely not only interested in your racing!" he answered and I laughed, so I’m not the only one seeing the way he checked out Daniel all the time "I think he’s more interested in something else or should I say someone else?"

"So you realised it too? Then maybe I should encourage him to do the next step…" I said and Charles swallowed hard and I looked up "Are you okay?"

"Yeah! Sure! If you want it to happen then you should definitely encourage him to do the next step." he answered and got up from the sofa "I have to call Sylvia because of some PR stuff. I’ll be right back." and with that he left the room.

Charles POV:

She really has feelings for Ben. And I just encouraged her to encourage him to make the next step. Good job, Charles. I sat on the balcony, shuffling through all the pictures of us on my phone. How could I be so stupid and wait this long before telling her how I felt? Of course someone else would show up! It’s Lizzie. She’s not just the most beautiful and sweet girl I’ve ever met. She’s also funny, bold, caring, loving, smart. She’s perfect. All her little flaws, like the fact that she has not a lot of patience, her chaotic being, her crazy mind at times, it all makes her even more perfect. And I idiot waited too fucking long to finally tell her that I love her. Only her. Always have. Always will. And now I have to watch her fall in love with Ben, out of all people it has to be her managers son, and all I can do is pretend to be happy for her. Good. Fucking. Job. Charles. But on the other hand. Like this our friendship won’t be ruined by her not reciprocate my feelings and also if we would try it together but soon realise it’s not working out, there won’t be any weird feelings. Our friendship would be intact and I would still have her in my life. And that is the most important thing. Having her in my life. As long as I had her, all was good. Now I just had to find a way to stop this feeling eating me up alive. And all would be good.

"Lizzie! Congrats! 6 wins, 2 second places and 2 DNFs… what a season! What are your thoughts on being the first WSeries winner?" Ted Kravitz asked and I couldn’t contain my smile. I just won the WSeries season 2019. I was the champion. I had done it. And it felt amazing.

"It’s an amazing feeling! That’s for sure! I was sceptical at the beginning of the season, creating a series for only female drivers instead including us in the already well known highest series wasn’t showing inclusion, rather then segregation, but now I think we showed the world that we as girls or women can race just as good as our male counterparts and maybe in some years in the future the way for a woman or a girl is paved to make it up into Formula 1 and show that we are able to compete in the highest class of motorsports!" I said and the crowd cheered loudly my name.

This would be a day I would remember forever.

"Who’s the girl who can’t keep her hands off of Charles?" I asked Joris who followed my look and sighed.

"That’s Camille. She went with us to school. She always had a thing for Charles. He never noticed but yeah lately he seemed to get it and for some strange reason he’s not appalled by it…" Joris answered and as Camille pulled Charles face to hers and kissed him and he didn’t pushed her off my heart clenched together for a moment before it shattered into a million little pieces.

"Yeah… he’s definitely not appalled…" I mumbled and downed my Tequila Sunrise and then finished off Charles abandoned Moscow Mule. Then I got up and walked straight to the bar.

"3 Tequila shots." I shouted to the bartender who nodded and poured me my shots which I downed one by one. Then I ordered another Tequila Sunrise for now and told the bartender to serve another one in the next 15 minutes at our table.

"You should slow down a bit, Lizzie. You haven’t eaten much tonight…" Joris said and I just shook my head.

"I’m fine, I can handle it!" I said as I watched Camille and Charles dance together, bodies grinding on each other. I downed the rest of my drink as the waiter served me my next one already "What a nice evening to celebrate the end of the year, Joris!" I mumbled and downed the new drink even faster than the last one. It wasn’t even close to midnight as I got up and grabbed my bag.

"Where are you going?" Joris asked and got up as well.

"I’m leaving. I don’t feel that great. And I don’t want to be the fifth wheel. You have your date and Charles has his new girlfriend. I’m leaving and go home!" I answered and Joris looked at me with a hint of pity in his eyes "It’s fine, Joris." I said and kissed his left and then right cheek before heading for the door.

"You’re not saying goodbye to Charles?" Joris asked with big eyes but I just shrugged my shoulders and left the club, not even caring that I ran into someone.

Outside I almost tripped down the stairs, someone helped me but I just didn’t care, I got in a taxi and drove to Charles flat, where I used the spare key he gave me. Using it never felt wrong, but tonight… tonight it did so I put it on the counter and went to the guest bedroom, packed my bag and wrote a little note for Charles. Then I laid it under the spare key and left the flat while tears were streaming down my face.

Charles POV:

As I saw Lizzie’s bright smile that could take me to another planet every damn time I saw it, I knew I had to do something, I couldn’t stop staring at her beauty and I wanted to just kiss her, so when Camille approached I didn’t dodged her like usually, I let it happen, but after a short conversation where I tried my best not to stare at Lizzie, Camille kissed me and although it felt wrong I didn’t stop her. Maybe this was the way to get over the feelings I had for Lizzie. Maybe this was my way out.

After some more dances I looked over at Joris again, talking with his date, no Lizzie next to him. I walked over and he looked up.

"Where is Lizzie?" I asked and he only shook his head.

"She didn’t wanted to be the fifth wheel and left, she said she would go home." Joris answered and I called Lizzie immediately. The call went straight to her voicemail.

Another try. Voicemail. What’sApp. No answer. iMessage. No answer. Maybe she was asleep already? My heart clenched, this would be the first New Year’s Eve in over 10 years that we wouldn’t spent together. I hated it. And as the clock stroked midnight and Camille kissed me, my only thought was Lizzie. And where she was. Not even 30 minutes later I left the club, telling Camille I had some sponsor meeting early in the morning but promising her to call her the next day. Back home I opened the door, wondering why it wasn’t locked.

"Lizzie?" I whispered when I walked into the guest bedroom to found it empty "Lizzie? Are you in the bathroom?" I knocked on the door but it was unlocked and the room behind it empty. Where was she? I walked into my room. Empty. Living room. Empty. The last stop was the kitchen. But she wasn’t here either. As I turned to leave the room, my eyes were catching on the spare key and the note under it.

"Charles.

I left because I thought you might want to have some alone time with your new girlfriend tonight. Didn’t felt right to keep the key when you’re having her over.

Happy New Year.

Lizzie."

Left where? My new girlfriend? Camille? She wasn’t my girlfriend? We made out a little, which was a mistake, but that was it. I took out my phone and called her again. But this time the call was answered.

"Charles?" my mum asked and I was confused.

"Maman? Why do you have Lizzies phone?" I asked her.

"Uhm, Lizzie showed up here, 20 minutes ago. She’s drunk Charles, really drunk. She didn’t look happy either. And she was half frozen! I made her a hot tea and now she’s in bed! What happened? She was with you I thought?" she whispered it as if not to disturb Lizzie.

"We were, she said to Joris she didn’t felt to good and left, I was dancing with a… with a friend and hadn’t realised that she was gone…" I mumbled and put my shoes back on "I’m on my way."

"No! Please stay at home, Charles." Mum said and I swallowed hard "I’m sorry, but I could clearly see that Lizzie was upset, no sad would be more fitting, and she must’ve cried a lot! So whatever happened, I want to talk to her alone, maybe she’ll open up to me!"

"Ok." I whispered "Take care of her. Love you." I hung up. Taking my shoes off, walking back into my bedroom, got out of my clothes and laid down in my bed. What happened that she left so abruptly? And what happened after that? Why did she leave my place? Left the key? What’s going on? My phone vibrates and I checked it immediately, but was disappointed when it was a message from Camille and not Lizzie.

"Tonight was amazing. Thank you! I’m so happy it finally happened between us!"

I swallowed hard. Camille is a nice girl, but I had no feelings for her. But maybe I could give it a try…

"What happened last night? It seemed like Charles didn’t know where you were when he called?" Pascale asked me and I just shrugged "Oh come on, ma petite fille! You know you can tell me everything, Lizzie!"

"I didn’t like being the fifth wheel…" I mumbled, taking a sip of my tea.

"Fifth wheel?" she cocked an eyebrow and I just nodded.

"Joris had his date. Charles had his girlf… Charles had a date as well… and yeah I didn’t like being the fifth wheel." I answered and Pascale looked at me confused.

"Charles had a date?" she asked and I took another sip of my tea.

"Yup…" I sighed and Pascale stroked my arm "I know I shouldn’t just left the club and walk drunk through Monaco. But yeah…"

"It’s okay, Lizzie. But you can’t do something like that again, it’s dangerous!" she said and I nodded "Charles called like a hundred times, I think he will show up eventually in the next minutes.”

"Ok…" I answered and went straight to the bathroom. After a quick shower I pulled on the leggins and sweater Pascale gave me, checked myself in the mirror and brushed my teeth. I could hear the door and shuffling in the hallway, hushed French.

"I talked to her, she’s ok. She’s in the bathroom."

"Why did she leave? And why was she crying?"

"Oh Charles, you know why! Who was that date of yours? You want to tell me something?"

"Date? I met Camille, from school, you remember?"

"Unfortunately I do, yes."

"Yeah well we hung out a little, she’s nice."

"Whatever."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing, Charles. Wait in the living room. I’ll make tea."

I took a deep breath and looked in the mirror. I can do this. I can face him.

"Ma belle! I was so worried!" Charles jumped off of the sofa and hugged me "What happened? Why did you leave?"

"I didn’t feel well, I was drunk, bored and the being the fifth wheel sucked. So I left." I said and sat down in the armchair. The farest away from where he was sitting down, he looked at me confused and then scooted closer on the sofa.

"You weren’t the fifth wheel!" Charles expressed but I just scoffed.

"You left to get a round of shots and never returned. The next thing I saw was that girl shoving her tongue down your throat and your hands all over her! Joris next to me was flirting away with his date! And I just sat there alone. So yeah. I drank a bit and then I felt sick and left." I said it fast and Charles just sighed.

"Yeah, about that, Camille and I used to go to school together. We talked for a while and then I don’t know… maybe the alcohol did the rest…" he mumbled and I cocked an eye brow. What alcohol, he barely drank from his Moscow mule. But I decided to let it go. At the end of the day I had no right to be mad at him. So I swallowed the bile down, that began to rise up my throat and nodded.

"It’s okay. I was drunk myself and made stupid decisions… but she seemed nice and she’s really pretty! So if you like her. Go for it." I said it with a smile, trying to sound genuine even tho it hurt saying it.

"Yeah well, we’ll see." he answered as Pascale appeared with some more tea.

"I guess we will…" I said and drank my tea in silence. I had to accept the fact that Charles would have a girlfriend from now on in his life. A girlfriend that’s not me. A girlfriend that is so much prettier than I am, so much more fitting for a rising star in F1 and future World Champion. But if he would be happy, I would be happy too. For him. Because that is what was the most important for me: his happiness.

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Little Note:

I’m back from my little summer break and here it is, Chapter 6 🥰

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