#phee is a bad character

[courtofterrasen]

Alright, clearly some of you guys are just not getting it. So no more emotion from me; I am simply going to write in factual terms.

It takes a VAST amount of work to go into creating a series like Bad Batch. You have to go through writing, scene painting, 3D modeling, rigging, lighting, SFX, voice lines, editing, final production, etc; just to name a few. It takes hours upon hours upon hours of work for those animators to create all of the nuances in a scene, let alone in Bad Batch where there is an extremely high level of attention to detail. It’s not like anime where a character and background are mostly stationary while they talk. There’s constantly stuff happening in the background and they intentionally make choices that provide extremely little to the overall story and, in all honesty, take up a significant amount of their time and can be argued that they’re wasting their time and money and effort (I don’t think so, but I’m sure people could argue it if they thought that effort should be allocated elsewhere). But they do it because it provides a deeper sense of realism to the story as a whole and make it feel like a living, breathing world. For example, when a character trips a little bit or they animated them doing something slightly harder than it would have been otherwise or eyes darting around and studying someone. These are all very little things that take them hundreds of hours to get perfect. And those are the kinds of things that go unnoticed by the vast majority of people watching the show. Either because they don’t noticed the little detail that was put in at all, or they don’t understand the level of work that goes into creating little minute decisions like that. And all of those decisions that they make, both big and tiny, are given to them in specific instructions by the directors. When you think about the insane amount of work that goes into creating a show like Bad Batch, you realize that every single little detail that they choose to add in is intentional and was given to them via specific instruction. It’s not like in live-action shows where the actor can choose to make a subtle decision on the fly. There are hundreds of thousands of hours of work that go into this and every choice that they make is intentional. The lighting dept. has even confirmed this for us, saying that all of the lighting that they did was done very carefully and intentionally and to pay attention to what’s happening in the scene. Because there’s an extremely high level of detail that’s put into the show, based off of very detailed instructions that were presented to them.

Now. Taken all of these points into account, it’s critical to look at all of the little choices that were made when it comes to her character and the way that both she interacts with the world and the people around her, as well as how they, in turn, respond to her. Because, like the lighting dept. has already made very clear to us, every design choice they has been made in the creation of the show is 100% intentional. Even if that’s not something that they had said or wasn’t something you were aware of, when you focus on the aspect of animation, it’s sometimes hard to get a clear grasp on just how long it takes them to do these things. And that every little choice that they made was carried out under specific instruction. And that’s not even getting into the nuances of voice acting and understanding the subtle distinctions in the way someone talks and being able to discern the meaning behind their words based on dialect and the instructions they were given. And for someone who just casually watches the show, absolutely none of these are important. They’re watching it to watch it and no further thought is put into it. And there’s nothing wrong with that. People are allowed to watch things at a surface level and get enjoyment out of it.

For every character, they can be broken up into various parts:

•Their visual appearance

•Their behavior

•Their interactions with others and the world

•How others respond to their character

•Their small, subtle behaviors (such as a particular twitch or repetitive body movement that can be used to convey a deeper meaning)

•And their internal motives

In that order from the least to most complex. And these topics can also be used to understand the complexity of a character. For someone like Cid, all of these topics are touched on in a variety of ways.

•She’s different from them

•She’s gruff and money hungry

•She speaks to the Batch like they’re a bunch of kids and she knows better than them

•They never fully bring themselves to trust her and, at times, they see her has a burden

•Towards the end of their time together, she gets snappier, and whenever she’s around them her movements slow ever so slightly and she furrows her brows slightly a lot more than in the past

•And in the end, she betrays them

And that’s putting her character into a single sentence for every bullet point, which, for well written characters like Cid or Hemlock or Rampart or Nala Se, cuts a lot of things out.

When it comes to the way that Phee is written and what she contributes as a whole to the show, she is not a very complex character. I’m not going to go into every single scene with her, but I am going to touch on a few. And if I need to continue the discussion further to cover more scenes, then I will. On multiple instances, she puts the Batch into very dangerous situations, and overall appears to care very little for them as people unless it gets her something that she wants. This is made very evident when, for example, she gets Omega, a child, excited about a big grand adventure and Omega then convinced the Batch to go along with it. Even though they were very adamant about not doing it. This is said with both their words and their tense body language. They don’t want Omega to get hurt and they know it’s a bad idea; but in the end she’s able to convince them. Then, when they get to the site, she shows clear lack for them or their safety and proceeds to put them in a very dangerous situation where someone could have gotten seriously hurt or killed. And she shows no remorse for it. Her language, both verbal and bodily, are very loose and nonchalant, assuring them that she had everything under control and that they were able to handle it, despite their very clear frustration. This type of behavior is shown again and again and again as they continue to interact with her. Her actions relay to the viewer that she does not respect their boundaries, or arguably, them as people. Her words are designed to be rocks with a pretty bow on them. And again, this is not personal opinion or speculation. Every single word and action was carefully designed by the team. All the tensed muscles were created by a team of people working very hard to convey that to the audience. Every thinly veiled word was guided by a director when the VA came in to record the sessions. Every single choice was intentional for a very specific reason.

Tech likes things in a very specific way. He likes his ship to be in a particular order and takes very good care of its maintenance and upkeep. He prides himself on being able to maintain a good ship. He spends a lot of time on his data pad. It’s how he was designed on Kamino. That’s his link to his role in the group. He can do everything he needs to from there and, in certain scenarios throughout the show, you can see it provides him with a sense of comfort and stability. You can see this, not only in his subtle body language, but also in his fairly obvious body language with how he hunches over it. It’s reminiscent of a child hunching over a toy to bring it closer to them and protect it. It comforts him. You can also see, when he interacts with the rest of the Batch, his aversion to touch. It’s not significantly often that you see it, given that the rest of the Batch knows him better than anyone, but there are still times when physical contact or even just very close proximity happens and he either has a reaction by tensing up slightly or leaning away from it, or sometimes he doesn’t react to it at all and almost seems to not register it; such as when he’s focused on his work. Every little reaction that he has with his brothers was scripted and orchestrated for a very specific purpose. It conveys the nuances of who he is as a unique and individual person.

Keeping that in mind, when it comes to the way she interacts with Tech specifically and the Batch, it’s very clear to understand the dynamic behind them when you look close enough. To recall a few instances, there was a time when she was recounting a story about finding a big treasure and Tech says something along the lines of “she changes this story every time she tells it”. He’s conveying to both the people in the show and us as viewers that she is a liar. She is either changing the story to make herself seem cooler, or maybe it didn’t happen at all and she’s making the entire thing up. Which, I will briefly mention again, are traits synonymous with narcissists. In another instance, Tech, Omega, and Wrecker were having a conversation where Tech is reprimanding them for bringing items back from a junkyard that they were in that they thought were cool instead of what he asked them to go find and bring back for him. I’m this conversation, Phee inserts herself and tells Tech that it’s not junk; also, in that same instance, not calling him by his name, which I will get to in a minute. Tech, in that moment, is trying to work, and his conversation with the other two was interrupted and fizzles out as Omega gets excited about the idea of a treasure map. A third is when the group is on Pabu and Phee is trying to get Tech to converse with her. His body language is hunched, tense, and he averts eye contact with her. When she prods him further, he is unsure how to engage in the conversation. And when he doesn’t respond in the way that she’s wanting him to, she talks about him to the rest of the Batch as he stands there around him and says to them how he “doesn’t know how to have fun”. And then they proceed to laugh at him. And again, you can see in his body language that he is confused as to why they’re laughing at him as well as uncomfortable being in that situation. And going off of that for another small fourth instance, there is another moment when they are getting ready to leave Pabu and she approaches Tech, who is working alone and trying to avoid contact with anyone, and says to him “So you’re just going to leave without saying goodbye?” His body language immediately tenses, he hunches further in on himself around his datapad, and his words make it clear he is both unsure and unwanting of the conversation. And when he does not respond in the way that she wants him to, she moves the datapad away from him to make him focus on her. She removes the item that brings him the most security to force him into engaging in a conversation he is uncomfortable with having. And again, these are all very intentional choices. They are not left up for interpretation. They are there to tell us what the character is feeling in that moment. They are trying to convey to us that he is uncomfortable. Not that he’s shy around a girl he thinks is pretty. And given on other scenarios that have happened throughout the show, it’s very clear that interpersonal relationships with anyone outside of Omega and the Batch is not something that he’s interested in. If they wanted to convey that he found her attractive, there are routes they could have taken to ensure that that comes across correctly to the audience, such as a faint little blush or rubbing a hand through his hair. But they didn’t do that, and instead chose for him to shy away and hide from certain situations or tense up and keep his head down in others. They are conveying to us that he does not like being around her. Because every single action they made him carry out took hundreds of hours of work to execute, and they would not go through all that trouble for no reason.

Branching off of that, we reach the topic of Tech’s name. When you watch the series as a whole, you can count on one hand the number of times that Phee refers to Tech by his actual name, while she refers to the others as their actual names. This is different from Cid in the way that Cid made that intentional choice to call them different things as a way to maintain distance from them. It’s clear from both her body language and her words that she did not want to get close to them. And really, wanted nothing to do with them unless they made her money. These are intentional choices. Phee’s character is designed to be flighty and unbothered. And she wants what she wants when she wants it. The choice to call Tech names and refer to everyone else by their names is an intentional choice. Him not understanding why she does that is an intentional choice. She does not respect him, which is why she does this. She can see that he doesn’t know what to do about it, so she keeps doing it. Like when a person presses on a bruise. These are all intentional choices made by the directors.

There was also a comment that said she behaves exactly like Crosshair does. And there are a few things I think did not entirely process when they made that comment. The first being that Crosshair was written to be one of the main antagonists for the first two season. I know they appeared in Clone Wars as well, but I’m talking specifically about Bad Batch. He was designed to be a bad guy that goes through a redemption arc; just like Zuko did in ATLA, for those who enjoy it. They both started out as antagonists, had horrible things happen to them, realized along their journey that maybe they were wrong, and are able to redeem themselves in the end and side with, or in Cross’ case, return to, the protagonists. In the beginning Cross was very sharp and defensive and thought he knew what was best. But he grew over time and learned how to care for people and share his weaknesses instead of putting on a facade all the time. And that’s the difference. We are reaching the end of the series and Phee has never had character growth to the level that Crosshair has and softens and opens up to the rest of the group. She hasn’t had any character growth at all. She is still the same exact person she was when we met her. There have been characters who have appeared for significantly less time that her, and if you pay attention to them, they have had significantly more growth than her as well.

The problem that I have begun to notice with people who are so quick to defend her actions is that they seem to be focusing more on her than on anything else. When you focus on just her, I can see how someone could mistake these interactions for being positive. Because all they’re focusing on is someone who’s having fun, and of course that would translate to something positive for him. But for the people who focus on Tech, it becomes very evident that these interactions are not positive. When you watch Tech, and I mean actually pay attention to him and not just watch him, you see all the subtle signs that you would otherwise miss. Him being annoyed and uncomfortable and confused and tired and generally not enjoying being around her. And this, unfortunately, happens a lot in real life too. People don’t take the time to absorb both sides of what’s happening. And since we as humans are quicker to pick up on people who are happy as opposed to people who are not, it’s so easy to miss the signals and just assume that what you’re watching is a happy interaction and put forth no further effort into making sure that’s actually what’s happening.

There is no other way to say that these things are all intentional. They wrote, designed, and sent out something that they have spent the past few years creating. When you understand the level of work that was put into it all, there are a lot of things that become very clear. And sure, headcanons exist and people can speculate what happens between the episodes. But headcanons can only go so far before it becomes ridiculous. We cannot confirm that Echo didn’t run off to go have a quiet life with Cid, but that doesn’t automatically mean that it’s true. Inferring things that are not within the realm of possibility is not conducive. Assuming that Phee spent a lot of time talking about her adventures that she may or may not have had with the Batch between the episodes? That’s conducive and we have clear evidence that would support that. Assuming that her and Tech had a very close relationship and she always listens to what he had to say between episodes? As much as some people want it to be true, it’s just not. There is no evidence that supports that line of thinking, and, in fact, there is a vast amount of evidence that would actually conform the opposite; such as Phee talking over everyone and commanding the conversation, not respecting things that Tech says, etc.

I’m going to wrap this up by talking a bit more personally now. There are plenty of people assuming that I’m a racist or a misogynist or that my literacy skills are lacking or whatever, but because you’re upset that someone is calling out the awful behavior of someone you like doesn’t make it any less true. And that applies to both this type of situation and in real life. I know who I am and what I stand for, and you trying to tell me that I’m otherwise changes nothing. And defaulting to assumptions like that shows that either you do not watch the show with a more attentive eye, or that’s all that you see Phee for. A black woman. Both of which are issues.

People are allowed to not like black characters, even if they are black.

People are allowed to not like Asian characters, even if they are Asian.

People are allowed to not like female characters, even if they’re women (or AFAB people).

People are allowed to not like LGBTQ characters, even if they are queer.

People are allowed to not like neurodivergent characters, even if they are neurodivergent.

People are allowed to not like characters that display particular traits or thought processes, even if they share those same traits or thought processes.

People are allowed to not like characters if they think that the character is bad.

Also, for the people saying I’m using my autism as a shield clearly don’t understand how autism works? I don’t say that to be an excuse. I say that to provide context and reasoning behind the things that I say. Like many other neurodivergent people do. You all are getting pressed about the wrong things. If you want to debate the time and study I’ve put into the show because I genuinely enjoy it, then be my guest. But don’t throw out petty insults and waste everyone’s time. At least put forth some more critical thinking behind it and try to figure out why someone could be saying the things that they’re saying

[vivaislenska]

Tech: I executed an ‘UnCoNtRoLLeD DeScEnT’

Phee: ^

[lornaka]

Felt like drawing Phee, I really enjoy her free spirit vibes

[katara-stan-club]

Tech when he finds out about Phee’s “stealth entrances”

[chaotic-kitty]

SPOILERS FOR BB 3X08

I've been seeing people talk about the new episode, when it comes to Phee and her line about Tech.....I feel some people are misinterpreting it a bit? Or at least singling her out.

Yes, sure, the name drop was a bit weird. But it was no more weird than the other tech name drops.

The air surrounding Techs death has been weird and dismissive in some ways by the show as a whole. All of the characters have been acting like it didn't happen, until they drop a line and give a pout and then carry on with the conversation. That's been something that *all* the characters have done, not just Phee. Singling her out feels unfair.

And when it comes to what her line was, the context. I don't think she was acting like she was all of a sudden incapable without Tech. I think it was more acknowledging the fact that they probably wouldn't have had to turn to Phee to find that information if Tech was still alive. Tech was well versed in these subjects, I half expected him to pop out with the answer when they first asked about the M-count. So I don't think she was doing anything other than acknowledging Techs abilities. Because they don't have that anymore. They don't have someone with a well of knowledge that can give them an answer then and there or with a couple of taps on his data pad. They have to go to other people, use other resources.

With her tone about the whole thing though? We don't know much about Phee. Different people grieve in different ways. I'm sure if she had shown more sadness at it people would've also had something to say. And it's not necessarily like she lost a long term lover, so, while there was chemistry, the reaction may not be what you might expect from her. And I mean....they were in the middle of an important conversation and she was clearly pressed for time anyways.

[echojedis]

Model sheets from the new episode guides: https://www.starwars.com/series/the-bad-batch/spoils-of-war-episode-guide

[stars-n-spice]

Khea + TBB Doodles (Pt. 3)

Some doodles of Khea and some of Khea with the Batch :D

They are a menace to society.

They're in love your honor.

Khea + outfits. I'm not great at designing dresses ahaha-

Fun fact! Khea is near sighted and in denial about it. Her visor in her helmet is made so that she can see clearly with it on but without it, things are a little blurry for her.

I'm absolutely loving Omega's little ponytail. I think Hunter should tie his hair into one too.

They are both very cat-like people :3

Phee got them matching shirts that read "I ♡ my badass gf," because they do. A bounty hunter gf and a pirate gf, what could go wrong? It's like the start of a bad joke, as Crosshair would probably say.

💫 Read more about Khea here or here!

[meganebutterflyrei]

Anyways…here is your daily ✨Phee is a Goddess✨ post

[cloned-eyes]

Something Stormy Seas related

I wanted to involve Phees mom and here we are - Ivanka Genoa

[weregonnabecoolbeans]

I miss tech.

[courtofterrasen]

I’m just about done with finals, so I decided to gather up a quick list of over 50+ different POC women characters with actual good stories and character development as well as what they’re in, since you guys seem to be complacent in accepting mediocrity🥰

I know there are A LOT more REALLY GOOD characters out there, like Firebird from Marvel for example, but these are all characters from media that I either have personally consumed or know a lot about that I can think about off the top of my head. So if anyone wants to keep the list going in the comments, please feel free to add on

Charlotte- Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story

Shuri- Black Panther (MY LOVE😭❤️)

Okoye- Black Panther

Nakia- Black Panther

Queen Ramonda- Black Panther

Katara- ATLA

Korra- LoK

Toph- ATLA

Azula- ATLA

Beauregard- Critical Role: Campaign 2

Fy’ra Rai- Critical Role: Exandria Unlimited

Opal- Critical Role: Exandria Unlimited

Deni$e- Critical Role: Campaign 3

Deanna- Critical Role: Campaign 3

Lady Kima: Critical Role: Campaign 1/ Legends of Vox Machina

Laerryn: Critical Role: Exandria Unlimited: Calamity

Veth Brenatto- Critical Role: Campaign 2

Mirko- My Hero Academia

Ahsoka (people refer to her as a POC character even though she’s a Togruta)

Moana

Mulan

Tiana- Princess and the Frog

Esmeralda- The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Nani- Lilo and Stitch

Raya- Raya and the Last Dragon

Mel- Arcane

Ambessa Medara- Arcane

Sevika- Arcane

(Special shout out to Ekko from Arcane because he’s SUCH A GOOD CHARACTER)

Storm- Marvel comics

Wonder Woman- DC comics (she is Mediterranean, which is located in the North Africa/ Europe/ West Asia region, for the incels who are going to try to fight me on that. Just because your skin has less melanin than people “think you should have” does not invalidate you being a POC)

Nubia- DC comics

Special shoutout to General Nanisca in The Woman King. I have not watched it yet, but I’ve heard a lot of great things

Valkyrie- Thor Ragnarok

Gamora: Guardians of the Galaxy (though, she’s not human, she’s a Zen-Whoberis, but her actress is Dominican and Puerto Rican)

Ava Silva- Warrior Nun

Sister Beatrice- Warrior Nun

Sister Lilith- Warrior Nun

Deyha- Genshin Impact

Candace- Genshin Impact

Xinyan- Genshin Impact

Janai- The Dragon Prince

Ursula- Once Upon A Time

Mulan- Once Upon a Time

Lucyna “Lucy” Kushinada- Cyberpunk: Edgerunners

Mermista- She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

Catra- She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

Lonnie- She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

Netossa- She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

Entrapta- She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

Perfuma- She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

Mara- She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

Frosta- She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

(All of whom are Etherian’s, not Terran’s, which would equivalate people from earth)

Mazikeen- Lucifer

Wednesday Addams- The Addam’s Family/ Wednesday

Calliope “Cal” Burns- First Kill

Talia Burns- First Kill

Yennefer- The Witcher (actress is of Indian descent.)

Triss- The Witcher (some debate can be had about this due to her character in the games being white and her actress in the show having South African heritage. I enjoy them both equally)

I would add Pocahontas to this list, but the Disney recreation of her story is an extremely incorrect and awful retelling, so I implore you to go and look up the story of Amonute/ Matoaka, which is the true name of Pocahontas. It’s not an easy story to hear, but I feel as though people need to know her true story instead of Disney’s romanticized one.

Also, if you guys REALLY want a good female POC pirate story, check out the story of the most successful pirate in the world named Ching Shih, aka Cheng I Sao. She was a woman born in Guangdong, China in the late 18th century and worked as a prostitute until she caught the eye of Cheng I, the notorious Commander of the Red Flag Fleet. After buying and marrying her, he noticed her intelligence, leadership skills, and determination, so he began to teach her about life in the high seas. She quickly adapted and helped him lead his fleet, and when he died she assumed full control over his fleet and amassed 1,800 ships and 80,000 pirates under her control and became the most feared pirate leader of her time. It’s a VERY cool story

[littlemissmanga]

Bad Batch season 3 spoilers under the cut

Can I just say I love how S3 is already giving us so much more characterization from Phee?

A lot of what we got in S2 was told to us, rather than shown to us. When we meet her and through the episode where she goes on a treasure hunt with the Batch, she comes off as a careless, reckless pirate. Not a bad person or personality, but a braggert who doesn't have other people as a main concern. Kinda like Hondo Onaka but a little less dramatic.

So for me, her shift in the Pabu episode was a bit jarring. Not too mention the boys trusting her enough to let her take them to unknown coordinates. Sure they all worked together to stop that ancient weapon, but that entire episode showed Hunter as skeptical of her and that never really flipped in the episode. And the boys don't trust easily to begin with so that was a big leap for me to accept without being shown. Same with her relationship with Tech. Whether you think they're an item or they were just close platonically, they clearly were the closest to one another but we never saw that happening, just the effects after it happened off screen. And I get it's a kids show and we're not gonna see everything like that. But I didn't have enough to make the pay offs satisfying.

But S3 is really helping fill that out. Point of No Return showed Phee as determined and bossy but still considerate in her own way. It also showed her as really competent. She knew something was off when the clone assassin was sneaking around and she was ready to fight. She would have caught him, too, if the fuel droid didn't interrupt her.

That now makes her someone I personally can see vibing better with the Batch and particularly Tech. I know more about her so I can fill in what S2 didn't show me.

And this latest episode, where she meets Crosshair and knows exactly who he is because of Tech? She hung out with all the batch. I'm sure they've mentioned Cross to her, especially Omega. But she learned about his personality from Tech. That helps me fill in so many gaps about Phee and Tech's conversations that makes their goodbye in S2 feel more understandable and natural.

I guess I'm saying a lot of stuff in S2 regarding Phee felt like it came out of nowhere. While I liked her well enough and liked how she shook up the boys, I never really felt like I knew her or had a solid grasp of how she would interact with anyone. Now though I've been given so much more and I can really appreciate her as a more developed character and important force pushing the narrative foward.

[nightskyfoxyy]

ok but why is no one talking about phee being in the damn trailer

THATS MY FAVOURITE CHARACTER PUT SOME DAMN LOVE ON HER

i got so exited it made me nauseous

[ecmlol]

In my headcannon

Tech and Phee are constantly together and everyone is invested in their relationship but they are taking it super slow because Phee is a demisexual and tech is autistic. It takes them months to just hold hands and kissing takes a year

[echojedis]

The way she sits <3

[skellymom]

"Redneck Doug's Bad Batch Family BBQ"

Cool divider by the talented @cafekitsune

Background: Bad Batch Family BBQ is crashed by Tech's crazy ex-wife. This one shot includes Maadienne "Mad Momma" my OC character from Vagabonds. This story takes place in the BB future when everyone is safe, settled down, and enemies can be friends (except for Hunter and Crosshair-they're family frenemies).

Word count: 2K

Warning: swearing, the "C" word, alcohol, sexual references, drunkenness, Crosshair being inappropriate with Hunter's wife (she no stand for it), Wrecker/Crosshair pyromania, Tech losing his temper/ vomiting, nasty/horrible ex-wife, messy family shenanigans.

This One Shot is based on Tumblr user @talesfrommedinastation post about their Redneck neighbor Doug who has a very fun take on the Batch. To read it (which will make everything in this story more understandable):

https://www.tumblr.com/talesfrommedinastation/727350948139302912/my-redneck-neighbor-dougs-interpretations-on?source=share

Mad heard the Batcher Brothers before they even turned into the driveway...well, at least Wrecker. Tech had driven his extremely quiet fully loaded Tesla. But Wrecker screamed down the dirt road in his “custom” painted LOLAMOBILE (Omega and “The Littles” did the custom work) with Down blasting at an ear shattering volume. He was kicking up dust like a desert storm. Crosshair was in the front seat and Echo holding on for dear life to the roll bars in the back. 

Mad met the brothers at the door to her and Hunter’s home. She and Hunter had been preparing a huge meal all morning for their family gathering. Hunter barbequed a huge side of pork to perfection and Mad heated up the kitchen with her famous delicious side dishes. She wore her comfy black cotton body hugging T-shirt dress and kitchen apron with the words “I poisoned your food” emblazoned on it. Her long undercut was braided with the end barely tickling the top of her butt. She was still fit after birthing 5 children with Hunter, just with a bit more curves and tattoos. Hunter lovingly referred to her as his “Big Tiddie Goth Momma.”  

The Brothers took turns entering their humble abode and greeting the hostess.  

Echo stepped in first, pecked Mad on the cheek, and gave her a bouquet of wildflowers and then handed over a box of Cinnabun toaster treats “This is for Omega. Tell my loveable smartass sister Toaster Strudel thought of her!” They both broke out in laughter. 

“I’ll give this to her when she comes back from the Tipoca City Mall on the Ocean. She took The Littles so Hunter and I could cook without them getting in our way.”  

Next was Wrecker, “Hey Julio, my big beefcake. How ya doin’? As he picked her up and hugged the total stuffing out of her with his huge arms.  

“OHHH Mad, thank you so much for feeding us! I NEVER leave your place hungry!!! Looking forward to those amazing biscuits you make.” He let go and handed her a huge tub of Mantell Mix. “For dessert!” 

“Thanks, Wrecker.” 

Then Crosshair, who removed the toothpick from his mouth to lean down and smootch Mad on the cheek...while grabbing a handful of her generous derriere, “Daddy Warcrimes has been looking forward to those ‘biscuits’, too.” 

Mad immediately slapped Cross upside the head with the kitchen towel that was slung over her shoulder “Hands off or I’ll Daddy Whip Your Ass!” 

“Whatever you say, Vixen” he winked and removed his hand. 

Hunter was used to his sibling pining after his wife since returning from Mount Tantiss. Crosshair could get any woman he wanted, and usually did. But he carried on like he really wanted Mad... or thought he did. She was more than Crosshair could handle, and Hunter liked it that way. Hunter and Mad were over the moon sweet on each other, even after being married all this time. 

“You look like Daddy Womp-Womp to me. Touch my wife again and I’ll snap your skinny ass in half like those Slim Jim’s you live on.” 

“Got your weekly shower I see Hunter. She must have felt randy today and wanted you sweet smelling.” 

“OH, KNOCK IT OFF YOU TWO!!!  

Mad turned to see poor Tech standing silently in the doorway looking anxious and forlorn. He handed Mad his 6 pack of fancy IPA’s (he always brought his own booze and refused to drink anything else Hunter or Mad stocked) and a bottle of Mad’s favorite. “Oh honey, thank you!” She put her arm around Tech and led him into the house. Then put the alcohol on the counter. “I’m SO proud of you finally serving divorce papers to Laura. I know it was hard, but she’s not treated you well at all.” 

“Hunter, get everyone a drink, will ya?” She ran to the stove to stir the homemade Mac and Cheese. 

“I’m on it hon.” Catching a glimpse of her beautiful bottom jiggling as she sprinted across the kitchen. He shot a look at Crosshair with an antagonizing expression of “Mine, NOT yours”. Crosshair sneered back. 

Wrecker patted Tech on the back as the brothers sat down at the kitchen table with their drinks, “So ya FINALLY did it! You’re free!!!” Tech flinched and looked guilty. 

“About time!” Added Echo 

“Hated that crazy bitch Laura” Crosshair squinted while inserting a fresh toothpick into his mouth. 

“Oof, she made everyone else around her miserable, too” Hunter put his hand up to his head, like the mere thought of Laura was giving him a migraine. 

“OH GAWD...remember when she nearly ruined Rex and Ashoka’s wedding?” Mad gestured to Tech with potholders before checking on the biscuits, “Had to get nasty jealous when all you did was say ‘Hi’ to Phee Genoa during the reception.” 

“Ashoka using the Force to shut her ass up. That was GOLD!” Echo threw his head back and laughed. 

“Well, no matter. Better fish in the sea. You know Phee asks about you all the time when I’m at my Ladies Group...so I invited them over tonight.” Mad winked at Tech and bent over to pull out the biscuits. 

Crosshair craned his neck hoping to see Mad’s shirt dress ride up her thigh. 

Hunter punched his brother in the arm. 

“Oww, FUCK Hunter!” 

“HAAA, caught ya lookin!” Wrecker gleefully pushed Cross back into Hunter, who gleefully punched his brother in the arm again and sent him back towards Wrecker. Cross managed to stay in his chair but lost his toothpick. 

“The whole Group is coming...The Martez Sisters...” Mad wasn’t even paying attention to the shit going on at the table. 

“YEAH! My honeys!!!” Wrecker grabbed Cross and shook him in excitement. 

“You’re spilling my beer, Wrecker!” Crosshair pushed Wrecker away. 

“...Fennec Shand...” Cross stopped. Mad had gotten his attention. They liked to talk guns, plus Cross thought she was a hot little honey. 

“…mmm...and Riyo Chuchi.” Echo grinned, tipped back the chair, and crossed his arms behind his head. 

Tech didn’t look excited at all. He was unnaturally quiet and halfway through his second IPA already. Not a fast drinker and it seemed like he was sucking them down tonight. 

“Ok, sides are done. You boys go out and start up the bonfire, it’ll be dark soon and the ladies should be arriving.” 

Wrecker got up and hurried toward the door, excited to set something on fire. Crosshair followed him. “I’ll make sure they don’t set fire to the backyard...again.” Echo promised as the screen door slammed shut. 

Hunter got up from the table and looked at Tech. He had peeled the label off the now empty second bottle of IPA. “What’s up? You’re not usually like this.” 

Tech barely looked at his brother, attempted to say something, “...nothing!” He ignored the rest of his fancy beers, grabbed the full bottle of Jack Daniels, and sprinted out the back door. 

Mad and Hunter looked at each other. Tech was acting strange and extremely out of character. He almost looked scared. 

Hunter walked over and embraced Mad, “Man, Laura did a number on him. Glad I don’t have that problem.” 

“Yeah, not into yelling at my hubby. But I WILL punish you accordingly if you’re bad” Mad sassed.  

“Oh, I’ve been SO bad” Hunter growled and nipped at Mad’s neck while squeezing her bum. 

Mad growled back and was about to give Hunter a huge passionate kiss when a small, controlled explosion rocked the house...followed by Wrecker wooping loudly.  

“For KRIFF SAKE! NOT AGAIN!!!” Hunter let go of Mad and ran outside. Mad decided to wait on bringing the food out and survey the damage. 

Apparently, Wrecker had found Omega’s four-wheeler gasoline can, emptied it onto the fire pit, and Crosshair climbing the old Oak tree across the yard decided to show off. He shot into the pit from 40 feet up and several yards over to start the fire. Echo was mortified and immediately apologized when Hunter ran out of the house. 

“It’s ok brother. At least they contained the fire and didn’t burn down my shed...again.” 

The timing was perfect, as The Ladies Group screeched up to the house in a modified topless Humvee. 

Fennec, Riyo, Phee, and the Martez Sisters descended on the backyard inferno whooping and hollering in excitement. They brought booze, music, and a large sheet cake. 

Phee made a beeline for Tech, who was now sitting on a plastic lawn chair dangerously near the fire and getting clearly inebriated on the Jack. The alcohol and heat made him sweat, and he uncharacteristically shed his whole shirt (a very expensive one) ...which was now burning in the bonfire. So now he was shirtless AND drunk. 

“Hey Brown Eyes” Phee regarded Tech with interest. She had never seen him like this. He looked slightly scared but working on being drunkenly feral. 

Phee opened her mouth to speak again to get Tech’s attention, but was cut off... 

“I HAVE A CONFUSION TO MAKE!” Tech slurred loudly. He had everyone’s full attention. 

“Huh? What did he say???” Wrecker looked around for clarity. 

Echo translated, “I think he has a confession to make.” 

Tech pointed at Echo then comically pointed at his nose. 

“I LLIED ABOUT SERVICING DIVORSH PAPERTHS TO LAURA LAST WEEK. DIDN’T HAVE THE BALLTHS. OH MAKER...” Tech tipped Jack Daniels back and chugged another third of it down. 

“Shit, I didn’t expect dinner AND a show!” Crosshair leaned back in a large sprawling settee with a shit eating grin. 

“Shut up Cross! What do you mean Tech? Hunter inquired. “So, you didn’t serve the papers at all, and she doesn’t know you want a divorce? How did she let you come here by yourself if you’re both still together??” 

“OH...MY TIMING...” Tech looked up at Phee with total drunken embarrassment. 

“Come on honey, you can say it” Mad tried to coax Tech to get to the point. 

“You got this Brown Eyes” Phee smiled at Tech with reassurance. 

Tech tipped back the Jack and downed several gulps. He was applying liquid courage. He was sweating like a mad man. 

“I FFINALLY DIDIT THIS WEEK...” 

“When???” Wrecker threw up his hands. He couldn’t stand the suspense! 

“ABOUTH AND HOUR AGOO.” 

And that is when everyone at the party heard the angry roar of a Hyundai Kia approaching at top speed towards the house.  

“Oh, this is getting good” Crosshair cracked a cold one and waited for all Hell to break loose. Fennec slid in next to him on the settee, stole his bottle, took a swig and handed it back. Her eyes locked on the epic clusterfuck that was to unfold. Laura’s bitchiness was legendary in the Batcher Circle.  

“I’M STHO FUCKED!” Tech screamed 

The Kia skidded to a dramatic stop next to the Humvee, the driver’s door thrown open, Laura emerged with hateful toxic fury, screaming at the top of her lungs as she advanced upon the party. A skinny, overly processed blond, overly make upped, overly augmented, hateful harpy of a woman. “RYAN! (her despicable pet name for Tech). RYAN, YOU FUCKING USELESS TIT OF A MAN! YOU CAN’T PULL THIS SHIT ON ME! WHERE ARE YOU?” 

Echo grabbed Riyo and led her away from Laura’s path. The Martez Sister’s weren’t so lucky as Laura slapped the sheet cake from their hands and it hit the ground. Wrecker was offended at the total waste of cake and the treatment of His Honey’s. “Eyyy, what the fuck, Laura!”  

Brave Hunter stepped in front of Laura and put his hand up in protest “Now Laura...” 

She slapped his hand away, “GET FUCK OUT OF MY WAY YOU SKEEZY REDNECK BASTARD!” 

“OH NO, YOU DON’T DO MY MAN LIKE THAT!” Mad ran up on Laura, but Hunter was faster. He picked up Mad and threw her over his shoulder walking away “Nope, we aren’t doing this tonight.” 

Then Laura noticed Phee Genoa standing there next to Tech and she totally lost her shit, “OH, SO YOU’RE LEAVING ME FOR HER? HAVE YOU BEEN FUCKING HER SINCE THAT REXSHOKA WEDDING???” Tech sat there mortified to be accused of infidelity. He kept silently nodding no over and over while Laura screeched at him.  

“JUST AS WELL, I’M LEAVING YOU FOR ADMIRAL RAMPART. HE’S BETTER THAN YOU, FUCKING RYAN-FROM-ACCOUNTING!!!”   

Tech took another few swigs from the bottle, stood up, swayed a bit, then with the fury of a man who had been kicked too many times, slammed the Jack into the bonfire. There was a sound of glass breaking and the fire roared up as the rest of the alcohol ignited. The fire reflected in his glasses, totally hiding his eyes. He was wet with sweat and his hair was an unruly mess. His chest, since it was bare, and close to the fire was red hot. Tech advanced on Laura with rage from years of abuse and seeing her treat his family and friends so horribly. 

“YESTH I FUCKING SERVICED YOUTHE PAPERSS, YOU FUCKIN HORRIBL CUNT! COULDNOT STAND ANOVER DAY WIF YOU! RUMPFART CAN HAF YU!!! The last sentence was right in Laura’s face, and she got the brunt of Tech’s drunken breath. She reeled back, but Tech advanced on her. He obviously wasn’t done, either. He pointed his index finger at Laura, poking her sharply in the chest, “I DIVORTH YOU!” Poke. “I DIVORTH YOU! Poke. “I DIVORTH YOU! Poke. She kept backing up with each poke. “BEGONE YU VILE BEASTH! FUCK OFTH TO TH DEPFTHS OF HELL YU COME FRUM!!! 

Tech stood there looking Laura right in the eye. She had never seen him stand up to her like this. 

“BY THEWAY...” he swayed unsteadily “...MY NAME ISSNOT RYAN. ITS TEEEECBLAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!” Tech projectile vomited violently upon Laura.  

There was a collective gasp from the group. Then everyone started laughing.  

Tech still wasn’t done. He vomited a second time on Laura’s expensive heels for good measure. 

“This is fucking GOLD!” Crosshair smiled, threw his arm around Fennec and pulled her close. This barbeque was going down in Batcher history as LEGENDARY! 

Laura, thoroughly disgusted, screamed, cried, and made her way to her Kia. She got in and tore away from the scene narrowly sideswiping a red Jeep Cherokee that was coming down the road. 

The Jeep Cherokee carefully pulled into the driveway and parked. Omega and The Littles emerged and walked down to the bonfire.  

“Some crazy driver almost wrecked us!”   

Hunter replied, “Yeah, that was Laura.” 

“Glad we missed her” 

“She’s a BITCH!” The littlest little chirped 

Hunter sternly corrected his youngest “Language, young man!” 

(NOTE: I heavily considered Phee just pounding Laura into the pavement. But then, I thought Tech needed to take a stand for himself...even if he needed the help of Jack Daniels).

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