#phil would walk on screen wearing something for not even three seconds and he immediately ‘keep’ and i look and go dan would wear that

[sapphosclown]

dan said keep or yeet fully based on what he would want to steal for himself

[beetle-not-yeetle]

What happened to You?

Aka the first chapter of my dsmp circus au

Trigger Warnings (TW’s): mentions of Death, guilt and panic attacks.

Swing, hit, pull. Swing, hit, pull. Henry moos from the stable, Fran sleeps on the porch. Tommy lifts his arms, swings and rakes the weeds from the soil. Sighing as he uses the bandana around his neck to wipe the sweat from his forehead. He looks across the half empty fields, tomorrow is sure to be a day full of planting.

Dropping the hoe he was using and he stretches his arms out in front of him. His stomach rumbles. It’s time to call it a day.

Tommy makes his way to Fran, giving Henry a pat and a treat on the way. He steps on to the creaking porch and gently nudges the snoozing dog.

“C’mon then,” he holds open the screen door leading into the kitchen. She yawns, showing off all her teeth in their domesticated wolf glory, and enters through the door. “Good girl.” He smiles, taking his boots off on the porch and joining her in the kitchen.

“Now what will we have for dinner today, hm?” He asks, grabbing a dusty bowl from an upper cabinet. “Potato and carrot stew or carrot and potato stew?”

Tommy rinses his bowl out in the sink, and sets it on the drying rack. He gazes out the window just above it.

Tommy admires the fields he worked so hard on. Freshly sown dirt mixed with strips of gold from the setting sun, some filled with seeds sure to grow. A sense of pride settles in his chest.

He comes back to himself and sets back to his main task: Making dinner.

Tommy dries his bowl and looks around the kitchen. Fran has returned to napping, this time in front of the cabinet holding the pots and pans, blocking Tommy’s access to very crucial tools to heat up stew. A plan forms quickly in his head.

“And of course for the lady,” his voice takes a regal tone as waltzes to the fridge, pulling out a container. “the finest meat in all of history!” He shouts, ripping off its lid for Fran to smell out.

The effect is immediate. Fran perks up and trots over. Tommy holds the container out like one would hold an offering to the Queen. He tries not to cringe as she loudly scoffs down what he’s pretty sure is Henry’s second cousin and quickly goes to the sink to wash his hands.

Handling raw meat and the like was always Techno’s job.

His hands falter at the thought. He quickly brushes away the memory, shoving any and all feelings he’s had deep into his chest and scrubs harder at his hands.

Shutting off the water he wanders to the previously blocked cabinet. He bends down to open it and starts digging through it. Tommy really has no idea why Phil was always so insistent on having so much cook wear-

Tommy stands abruptly, ripping out the first tiny pot his hands fell on.

He places it on the stove with a bit more force than necessary and goes back to the fridge, yanking out the leftover stew. Fran looks at him curiously as he puts his serving into the pot and roots around the top cabinets. Grumbling out nonsense as he tries and fails to find some elusive bread.

Pressure builds behind his eyes because he just can’t find it. He swears there was some this morning but it's just not there. It’s gone, they’re gone-

A garbled noise forces its way out of his throat as he slides down to the floor. Laying his head on his knees, he crosses his arms tight over himself. The tears burn in his eyes but he doesn’t let them fall. He can’t cry over something as pathetic as bread.

Fran’s wet nose prods at his homemade fortress but even as her loud sniffling blows out his right eardrum he doesn’t unfurl. She keeps up her attack until eventually settling next to him and laying her head across his feet.

As soon as the pressure dissipates Tommy lifts his head, looking down to the dog pretending to sleep over his ankles. Tentatively he reaches out, resting his hand on her head. She leans into the touch. Tommy’s eyes fill again.

He doesn’t deserve this, he doesn’t deserve her, he thinks.

Paying no mind to the wetness on his cheeks, he pats her head, gently moving his feet out from under her chin. Tommy sits there just petting her for a minute or two.

He clears his throat, standing up to take his slightly over cooked stew off the heat. Fran stands too, following him around as he grabs his bowl from the rack and a spoon from the drawer, only flopping down beside him when he sits down at the dinner table.

He tries to ignore the three empty seats. Still the memories slip through, those of smiling faces and laughter, of food flung across tables and gentle scolding.

Now the scrape of the spoon against the ceramic hurts his ears. He silently wishes there was something, someone, to cover up the sound.

Time passes. Tommy stares into his empty bowl. His vision goes blurry as tears hit the table. Fran shuffles closer under the table.

Rubbing at his eyes he gets out of his seat, taking the bowl to the sink to be cleaned in the morning and filling a glass with water.

He walks out of the kitchen and up the stairs to his bedroom, setting the glass on his nightstand. He contemplates whether to shower or not, on the one hand he knows a shower might make him feel better, on the other he feels just about ready to fall apart.

He runs a hand through his hair, making a face as he feels the greasy strands. Shower it is then.

The shower made him feel cleaner, even if the sight of water turning brown down the drain made him a little queasy.

Emotionally he did not feel better. In fact he still felt quite shit.

He still knows that when he steps out of the bathroom door he will be alone. The distinct lack of Wilbur’s snoring, the non-existent ruffle of pages slipping from beneath Techno’s door, no quiet humming of Philza. No sounds of life from people whose bodies he never found.

He had Fran of course, but Fran has ghosts too.

He dresses in his most comfortable pajamas and leaves the bathroom, trying to shut out the silence.

The door to his bedroom squeaks as he opens it. It's been years but he can never find the time to fix it.

Tommy lays down on his bed. The sound of his own breathing grates on his ears. He knows it's going to be one of those nights. One where hours that should be spent sleeping are spent staring at the ceiling, lost in the past.

He had been staring at the same ceiling five years ago the night his entire family disappeared. That time though he actually fell asleep.

Read the rest here

Or here if you can’t touch it:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32118724/chapters/79572757

More information for this is under the tag ‘dsmp circus au’ and/or ‘fic related stuff!’

[greekgeek21]

Percy Jackson & The Avengers: Convergence - percy meets a real life pirate

Hi! I'm just gonna let you guys know now that I don't really have an updating schedule thus far. The only thing I'm doing it making sure that I get a chapter out at least every 2 days.

I hope you guys are enjoying this so far, and please don't hesitate to correct me if I make any technical mistakes. Sometimes my beta and I will both miss something.

This would not have been possible without my amazing beta reader, nightskywithrainbows, so tysm you are a lifesaver. You keep this story from being absolute shit.

As a reminder, this story is also on FF, Ao3, Inkitt, Webnovel, and Wattpad. If you prefer those places, just go check out the story on there. Now, on with the good stuff! Stay safe and happy reading!

- your author

Ω ♆ Ω

The first thing Percy felt was aching and stinging pain coming from his side. He groaned and tried to sit up, but found that he was tied down to a gurney with leather straps. So they think I'm a psycho. Nice to know, Percy's ADHD brain thought.

The bright lights caused his vision to swim for a second before they could focus and perform a quick surveillance of the room that revealed to Percy that he was in some sort of metal box. The walls had hexagons on them and there was a metal table with two metal chairs in the middle of the room. Basically, everything was metal.

In the corner, there was a camera with a blinking red light, so Percy knew that he was being watched. That meant he couldn't try an Iris Message unless he wanted some interesting questions from his captors that he didn't have answers to. He wasn't an idiot.

Speaking of his captors, nobody had come in yet, but they clearly knew he was awake. That meant that they were trying to scare him. Little did they know, it would take a lot more than isolation to scare him. Specifically, something less mortal.

Deciding that it would be best to try to calm himself, Percy willed his muscles to relax and closed his eyes. On the outside, it seemed like he was sleeping, but on the inside, his mind was flitting from topic to topic faster than light. It went from freaking out, to figuring out how to escape, to Annabeth, to his mom, to sleep, and back to freaking out. It was an endless cycle.

"You aren't that good of an actor, you know," a voice shocked him out of his thoughts, causing him to attempt to jump up again.

The attempt resulted in his wrists undoubtedly getting bruised, and his side to feel like he just got kicked in the ribs. Remembering that, apparently, Hill shot him, he started to freak out again. When he looked down, he could barely see the blue liquid dried on his side. So they had poisoned him then?

"You poisoned me?!" he exclaimed, finally meeting the eyes of the voice.

It was a middle-aged man with a starting of a receding hairline, with smile lines around his eyes. He was wearing a simple suit with an outline of a gun sticking out on the side, so he was another agent, but he kind of reminded Percy of Paul with how he presented himself.

The man gave him a small smile, "Agent Hill only used a tranquilizer. My name is Agent Phil Coulson of the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcements and Logistics Division, or SHIELD."

Percy raised his eyebrows, "That's quite the name, and I thought you were the FBI. Also, would you mind telling me why I'm strapped down? I haven't done anything."

Percy thought that the best course of action was to stick with the innocent story, considering that it was partially true anyway.

"Well, I don't think that's completely true, Mr. Jackson. You assaulted our agent. We have every right to prepare for any other outbursts from you," Coulson said.

"She wanted to arrest me for no reason. I don't know what you guys want from me, but I can't help you. I'm a completely normal guy," Percy insisted, hand slowly sliding down until it rested against his pocket. He let out an involuntary sigh when he felt Riptide.

Coulson kept a cool face as he responded smoothly, "A completely normal guy wouldn't say he was completely normal."

Schist, Percy swore in his head. If Annabeth was there, they would've been free already. But with his luck, he would end up in some world-ending crisis again.

But then he heard a voice in his head. Not the kind of voice crazy people hear, but it was his father's voice, speaking to him like it used to during times of trouble. If this was serious enough to gain Poseidon's attention, then it was an issue Percy should be worrying about more. A demigod's life is never at peace...

"Stay silent, Percy. These are the ones working with the Avengers and the Norse god, Thor. They have not proven their trustworthiness yet. You were sent here to learn more about them. I'm sorry, Percy," his father said, voice somber and apologetic.

Percy gritted his teeth and resisted the urge to call the Fates a lot of colorful names. But that would just provoke them, so he stayed silent. He moved his gaze from Agent Coulson to the ceiling, trying to ignore the world around him. Unfortunately, that's impossible for someone whose mind is constantly alert to his surroundings.

Coulson sighed and tapped something on a tablet that Percy hadn't noticed, "Would you mind explaining this video?"

Percy tried to not look, but it was so tempting! So, he glanced over and saw himself, in his swim trunks, holding his hands out while thousands of gallons of water rose up out of the East River. Percy's eyes widened unconsciously in panic. He hadn't known there were cameras there, let alone that the Mist hadn't covered it up. Wait! The Mist.

"What do you see?" He asked, letting his head face Coulson again in question.

Coulon made a face that said he had just had a question answered for him. What that question was, worried Percy.

"I see a man, who looks a lot like you by the way, with extraordinary powers saving a lot of people. I just want to know if that man was you, and why we at SHIELD didn't know about your abilities," Coulson answered, staring Percy down.

The stare was like one you'd get from a teacher who had just asked you why you never turned in an assignment. It made Percy feel like he couldn't look away, but it almost hurt to keep looking.

But his father's voice rang in his head, reminding him to not reveal anything important, so he stayed silent.

Coulson sighed and stood up, "Very well, then. Let us know when you want to talk."

And then he left through a door in the wall that disappeared as soon as he was gone. Percy was seriously considering just using Riptide to slice his way out of there, but then he felt an unwanted feeling in his chest: Fear. They were in the air. How he had not realized earlier, Percy didn't know, but that wasn't his first priority in that moment. He was focused on getting OUT of the air and ON the ground, where he had no chance of getting electrocuted by his diva uncle.

The sky rumbled in the distance, but Percy ignored it. He had grown used to that happening whenever he thought ill of the gods, and it had stopped having an effect on him long ago.

He sent a silent prayer to his dad asking what to do. Annabeth's plans had never covered what to do when taken by a secret spy organization! He was clueless in this situation, as per usual.

All the answer he got was a gentle sea breeze blowing through the room. That's it. It was comforting, but not exactly clear on what the answer was. But that's how the gods do everything, anyway.

"Tell them you were born with the powers. You don't know where they came from, and you only wanted to help. You don't know anyone else who has them. Earn their trust, and figure it out from there. I trust you, son. Be careful," His father's voice flew through his mind.

Well, guess that answers that, Percy thought.

With yet another sigh, Percy called out to nobody, assuming they would hear him through some hidden microphone, "I'm ready to talk!"

Not a minute later, there was a click as the hidden door opened once again, letting in an asian woman in a skintight suit. She looked like the stereotypical spy, that's for sure.

She came over to him without a word and released his hands first, cuffing them with the same glowing handcuffs, before letting his legs free, too. She was clearly waiting for him to bolt, so Percy tried his best to make his body relax. If they were to trust him, he needed to cooperate fully.

The woman kept a permanent scowl on her face the entire time they were together. She was a little violent, too. She was practically shoving him the entire short walk. When they reached their destination, they were in a room with a huge screen table and three tvs on the wall. It was a whole lot of technology, and it made Percy on edge. Demigods and tech within two feet of each other are a big no-no.

The woman took his hesitation as a sign of escape and jabbed him in the small of his back, making his chest push forward immediately. Even though he had lost the Curse of Achilles, that one point on his body was still really sensitive. He turned his head around and shot a glare at the small lady on instinct. He tried to hold it back, but she had just poked his weakest point, what else could he have done?

"Move it," she growled out, meeting his glare with one of her own.

It didn't faze him, though. Lupa's was much scarier.

He sighed (he seriously needed to get a handle on the sighing), and sluggishly moved forward into the room. He just kept telling himself that the faster he got through this, the faster he got to see Annabeth again.

When he looked around the small glass room, he saw Agent Coulson, along with four others. Another, younger asian-looking woman (but she was in normal clothes), a tall brooding man in the corner dressed like an agent, a ginger-haired woman, and a nervous, curly-haired man. His eyes immediately drew to all the possible escape routes and any of the weapons, or things that could be used as weapons, in the room. The brooding man seemed to notice because he stood up tall and took a threatening step forward.

Percy ignored him, though, and looked straight at Coulson when he asked, "Why are they here? Tell them to leave."

"You don't give the orders here," Brooding man said before Coulson could speak.

Percy finally turned to the other Agent with a smirk, "And you don't either. And I don't remember asking you."

It's not like he TRIED to get in trouble with authority! It's more like authority seeks out trouble from him. This moment was an example (not that Percy would call the brooding man authority).

The brooding man took a couple more steps towards Percy, until he was right in front of him. He looked like he was used to towering over others, but Percy wasn't short or weak. He could confidently say that he could beat the man in front of him, so he kept his troublemaker smirk and stared the agent down.

"Watch it, Jackson. I'm not the one in handcuffs here," brooding man said before going back to his corner after a pointed look from Coulson.

"Are you sure about that?" Percy rebutted, holding his very uncuffed hands up in the air.

He couldn't help it, truly. It just slipped out! He had been unconsciously working on getting his cuffs off the entire time, and he had just broken free when the perfect opportunity came up.

Everyone in the room immediately either jumped forward to push him down or pulled out some sort of weapon. Except Coulson, that is.

"Stand down, guys. He's not gonna do anything. Isn't that right, Mr. Jackson?" he said.

Percy rolled his eyes, "Yeah. Of course not. If I wanted to get out of here, I would've a long time ago."

Turns out that wasn't the right answer because the first asian woman shoved him into the screen table, making him almost fall over. He held onto it for support, apparently touching something because a file with his face on it popped up. Percy immediately jumped back on instinct, fearing a monster would pop up out of the shadows. Except, the picture was from his junior yearbook photo...

"Why'd you guys have to use that picture? I look constipated!" he whined, scrunching up his nose in uncomfort.

The younger asian woman snorted, but tried to cover it up after her team glared at her. Clearly, she was the only one on the aircraft capable of feeling, Percy decided.

"We aren't here to discuss embarrassing yearbook photos, Perseus. We are here to talk about your abilities," The first asian woman stated.

"It's Percy," he corrected on instinct, and the woman glared at him even harder.

Before the situation could escalate any further, Coulson cut in again, "Could you please tell us what you wanted to tell us from before?"

"Yes. What do you want to know?" Percy said, putting his hands into his pockets and playing around with Riptide.

"Where do your abilities come from? How long have you had them?" The ginger asked.

Good, Percy thought with a smile, I know how to answer these ones.

"I was born with them, so I don't know where they come from." he stated simply, shrugging.

The ginger looked a little bit disappointed by that answer, but it didn't stop her from interrogating him more, "What are your limits? How have you kept your powers hidden for so long? Can I have a urine sample?"

Percy had decided that she was a scientist. With the way that everyone else was letting her ask all the questions, they probably thought she was the most capable. And plus, she was getting WAY too excited about pee.

"I don't know, I haven't really been hiding, and NO!!" he answered, giving the woman a look of disgust.

Now that he thought about it, it probably wouldn't be good if they got ANY DNA from him. He had never been told what it looks like with half of him made from the gods.

The ginger looked like she was going to ask more questions, but the curly-haired man rested a hand on her shoulder, seemingly calming her. Percy noted that the two were close.

"Any other questions?" he asked calmly, looking around.

Just as the brooding man looked like he was going to speak, the younger asian woman broke in, "Your powers are awesome! How much practice have you had with them? I would really love to see what else you could do with them!"

Ok, so the girl was probably a hero groupie. She didn't look like an agent, so that left the question of why she was on the plane with the rest of them.

Speaking of the plane, "Why are we flying? Can we finish this up on the ground PLEASE?"

Percy was already pushing his luck by being there for that long, let alone staying on here willingly.

The brooding man spoke, "How do you know we were flying? And unless you want to jump, no."

The brooding man was getting way too much joy out of Percy's fear. Like, phobias are real people!

"Ward, if you don't stop talking, I'm going to let Mr. Jackson have a go at you," Coulson said calmly, "Now, I have a proposition for you, Mr. Jackson, if you're willing to listen."

Percy figured that it couldn't hurt, so he gave the man a small nod. He was really trying to think before acting because he had a bad feeling that the conversation would change the course of his life for the better, or for the worse.

The other people in the room didn't seem to have prior knowledge of what Coulson was talking about, and that just made Percy more worried. What could possibly be important enough that Coulson hid it from his team (or that's what Percy thinks they are). His ADHD brain started to wonder where Hill went, but he quickly pushed that thought away. He needed to focus on the present!

"The Director would like you to join SHIELD. Officially, you would be a consultant. But unofficially, you would help us when we need your gifts." Coulson said, shocking literally everyone in the room.

Two beats of silence went before the team started into chaos:

"What?!"

"What are you talking about?!"

"Why weren't we told about this?"

"Am I even considered a consultant?"

"I'm sorry?"

Before it could get too out of hand, Percy spoke up, which seemed to silence everyone else, "Are you out of your mind? I thought I was a criminal!"

He wasn't admitting to being a criminal, but that's how they had been treating him. He might as well address their behavior.

"We need the full story from you before we can move forward, but the Director was clear in his orders," Coulson said.

Percy considered what the best option was. There really wasn't one, but what else was he gonna do?

"I want to speak to the Director in person before I give my answer," Percy came to his conclusion.

If anyone was going to learn whatever story he came up with, it would be the top dog in SHIELD. Nobody else, even if he's not allowed to reveal the gods.

Coulson thought about it for a second before answering, "Ok. He's in the interrogation room right now."

Before he could hold it in, Percy full-out laughed. Of course a spy organization would anticipate what he would want. Why not?

The rest of the team didn't seem to know about their guest either, though. Wow, Percy thought, Somebody needs to work on keeping everyone in the loop.

Then, Percy just walked out. Nobody tried to stop him, which meant that everyone was waiting until he was gone to truly let it show their lack of trust in the team. It took awhile to get there, but when he reached his cell again, he noticed that the door was very obvious from the outside and that it really wasn't that big of a room. He was surprised that they would put the boss inside a place they kept criminals.

Before he had even finished closing the door, Percy heard a deep voice speak, "Welcome, Mr. Jackson. I thought you would want to speak with me directly. I'm Director Nick Fury of SHIELD."

Turning around, Percy came face to face with a spy pirate. No seriously, the guy was wearing a long, black coat with an eyepatch over his left eye. The guy also had dark skin with a bald head. It took all of Percy's willpower to not burst out laughing at the sight. Plus, the guy was called Fury!

"Yeah. I'm only willing to tell you some things," Percy said.

"Understandable. What is it you would like to tell me? And does this mean you are agreeing to my proposition?" Fury asked.

Just as Percy was about to deny everything, his father spoke to him again (that was happening a lot that day), "It's okay, Percy. You can trust him. He doesn't know it, but he is a legacy of Nike. Zeus agreed to it."

Percy gave the Director a once-over before deciding it was safe, "Yeah, I'm in. And I need you to swear on the Styx that what is said in this conversation doesn't leave this room. Ever."

He may have had permission, but Percy wasn't just going to expose his entire family without some security first! He wasn't a total Seaweed Brain, despite what some people thought.

"Yeah, sure whatever. I swear on the Styx that this conversation won't leave this room," the Director sighed, clearly not liking Percy's stalling.

Thunder rumbled in the distance.

Taking a deep breath and pushing past any natural instincts he had, Percy spoke something he never likes to say to a mortal, "I'm a demigod."

Ω ♆ Ω

My boyfriend is out of his mind! Annabeth screamed in her head.

She was currently walking up to the Big House after gathering all of the cabin counselors, praetors through IM, and the rest of the Seven. After Percy was taken, she had immediately left for camp. She had understood what Percy was trying to tell her before, and she was happy that he had actually thought a little about his actions before doing them. Given, they were stupid actions, but it was improvement.

Annabeth hadn't told anyone what was happening, just said that it was an emergency and that it involved Percy. That was all they needed to know it was important. Honestly, everyone had been anticipating Percy to mess up sooner than he had. They had made it an entire year before something big happened! Once again, improvement for the son of Poseidon.

As she walked into the rec room, she watched as everyone's eyes turned to her. At first, it was a little unsettling, but she steeled herself over before any signs of weakness shown through. She had to keep a strong front for her friends, especially since Percy was mis- no, taken, again. She refused to say Percy was missing. He promised he wouldn't leave her again, and she was holding him to that.

After she had taken a seat, Chiron spoke, "What happened, child?"

"Yeah! What's Prissy gotten himself into this time?" Clarisse grunted.

Annabeth ran a hand through her hair once, a habit she had picked up from Percy, before answering, "He's been taken by the FBI, or someone impersonating them. They seemed too skilled to be the FBI. He told me to get you guys for help."

"Of course he has," Nico muttered from his spot next to Will Solace, "Cuz why not?"

Annabeth gave him a small smile, "I have a plan. We're going to break him out from wherever he is. We'll figure out where he is by IMing him, and then we'll storm the place. I want our heaviest hitters making a distraction while Nico and I break him out. Got it everyone?"

She had said that all in one breath. She really didn't have time to go over it again, and her face must have betrayed that, so everyone just nodded along.

"We'll IM him and then see who we need to bring," she said, already pulling out a drachma and a rainbow maker, courtesy of Iris.

Making the rainbow, she said, "O Fleecy, do me a solid. Show me Percy Jackson, location unknown."

The mist shimmered before showing Percy in a metal box, talking to a dark-skinned man with an eyepatch. From the sound of it, they hadn't noticed her yet, so she cleared her throat. She didn't care if the eyepatch man saw her, she needed to see if Percy was okay.

Both men looked over at her and her relieved smile grew into a scowl when she saw that Percy looked completely at ease, "Perseus Jackson! Where are you, and why haven't you contacted me?!"

She distantly heard Leo mutter 'whipped' before Percy stammered over a response, "A-Annabeth! I-I'm fine! I was just going to call you, too!"

Her face was probably a tomato of fury, "Like Hades you were!"

"Can we please stop using my father's name as a curse?" Nico asked, but nobody paid any attention.

"I swear I was! I just finished making a deal!" Percy exclaimed.

"He was, whoever you are. I assume you are his girlfriend?" the eyepatch man said.

She rounded on him, but before she could start her yelling, Percy spoke up, "Wise Girl! I. AM. FINE. I just made a deal that will let me go. I will tell you about it when I see you again, but I can't do that if you're yelling at Fury!"

Percy's eyes widened at his ambitiousness, and he seemed to be about to take it all back, but Annabeth spoke first, "If you aren't at camp in an hour, I'm coming to find you."

And then she swiped a hand through the message before Percy could try to apologize. Gods, that boy is in a world trouble, Annabeth thought before storming out of the room and towards the Poseidon cabin without another word.

Ω ♆ Ω

Remember to like, comment, reblog, and follow me! Stay safe and happy reading!

- your author

other chapters :)

[delectablyalicee]

Nick Jonas’s New Assistant (Part Three)

Part One  Part Two

You get a call one day, someone asking you to fill a personal assistant job. They give you little information as to who for, but when you found out, things get a little more interesting.

After I came home last night I sat down with myself and just breathes. Oh yeah, It's Nick Jonas. That is crazy. It's totally 100% crazy, but it is what's happening. They called me, offered me the job, I needed it, and now we're here. I was definitely star stuck the other day, but I am a professional, and I need to act that way no matter who I am working for. I know the initial shock will wear off eventually, besides. I basically just make sure Nick gets where he needs to be and gets everything he needs in the process. It's not like I have to be his best friend. I've worked with plenty of people I had no outside of work relationships with. I can do this.

It was 7 am sharp today. This time it was a text, letting me know the car for me is here. I grab my bag, sliding it over my shoulder and double checking everything is inside. The planner, check. The contact list, check. Both of my phones, check. I grab the one for work and hold it tight in my hand. Last night I went through and put all the contacts inside of it as well as everything that was in the planner into my calendar. This is my lifeline so I need it close. I step outside and smile at George as he opens the car door for me. I thank him and slide inside. We do the same ride as yesterday, same roads, same streets, same houses passing by. When we finally pull up to Nicks place I am ready.

I thank George again as he opens the door for me, I slide out, tugging my blouse back into place. It being tucked tightly into a pair of dark blue jeans, a blazer layered over top. I walk up to the door, knocking as I open it, calling out Nicks name. As I do I peek my head in, but I don't see him. I give George a thumbs up before I step inside, letting the door shut behind me.

"Nick, Its (y/n), you awake?" He probably isn't. It is 7:30 am. I start to walk up the stairs, figuring I would just go wake him up. I look down at my phone. We need to be somewhere in an hour. I walk up to his bedroom, the door is shut. I lift a hand to knock.

"Nick hello, its time to wa-" I am cut off by the door opening, Nick standin in front of me with nothing but blanket wrapped around his lower half.

"Shit (y/n) forgot about the early morning can you just give me a second?" He asks.

I nod "Yeah, but we have to leave in 30 minutes." Today I speak with way more confidence when speaking to him. He's my boss, treat him that way.

"Yup, got it." He nods.

"Don't be late." I say a bit jokingly as I turn around, heading back down the stairs. I start the coffee pot, this time setting it to make enough for the both of us. I grab to mugs from the cabinet and set them out before taking a seat at the bar stool, pulling my phone from my pocket. I open the calendar and look at today.

8:30 am Morning show interview

12:00pm Lunch meeting with tour manager

9:00 pm Listening party at the studio

He might have let me off easy yesterday, but today is a full day, but I am more than ready for it. I check the time, Its been about a few minutes. I hear the coffee machine go off and get up, grabbing the freshly brewed pot and pouring it into both cups. I hear footsteps hurrying down the stairs.

"we still hav—" I cut myself off as I look up and see that its in fact, not Nick, but some girl I've never seen before.

"smells good" she says, looking at the coffee as she quickly passes by me, hurrying out the front door. I can't help but laugh a bit. I thought that shit only happened in movies. But then again, I am the assistant of a famous musician and actor. I shake my head a bit and put some sugar and creamer into my coffee, giving it a stir before taking a sip. About a minute later I hear heavier footsteps coming down the stairs, I look up to see Nick. I grab the coffee I just poured him and hand it over before taking a sip of my own.

"Had fun last night I see" I say jokingly as I keep my eyes locked onto my phone screen

Nick laughs a bit and I look up at him, he shrugs. "I mean, yeah."

We both laugh, and I shake my head. "Alright, well we've got places to be." I dump whats left in my mug into the sink, setting it inside before heading over to the door, opening it and gesturing for nick to go ahead of me.

"Ladies first" he says as he holds onto the door, I nod a thank you and step past him. Making my way to the car.

During the car ride it stays pretty silent until Nick speaks up, "Big change I see."

I look down at myself, thinking maybe I dressed way too differently, before giving him a slightly confused look.

He chuckles and speaks again, "You just seem less... scared. No offence of course!"

I laugh a bit and then nod, "Yeah, what did I say, I like to be good at my job."

He nods but doesn't say anything else.

"anyway," I say "the hosts of the morning show are names Lisa and David. Its supposed to be about a 15-20 minute run through and then we're out. We need to leave pretty much immediately after because we have a lunch meeting with Lucas, your tour manager. Sound okay?" I ask as I look over at him. I smile spreads widely across his face as he nods his head.

"sounds perfect."

The morning show went well, thankfully. We stayed on schedule and had no major mishaps. It's about 9:45 and they are pulling the wires from the mic off of Nick. He is talking to the two hosts, smiles and jokes are being shared. I see him tug his shirt up just slightly to help the sound guy relieve him from the wires of the mic. I couldn't help but stare, but I quickly pull my eyes away. Nope, I cant do that. He is my boss. This is professional. I nod to myself and am startled by a hand on my shoulder. I turn my head to see George.

"we ready to head out?" He asks me

I smile and nod at him, "yup one second."

I move away and over to nick and the hosts, "Sorry to break this up guys, Nick and I just have somewhere important to be." The hosts nod in understanding and Nick gives me an approving smile. I thank the hosts and say a quick goodbye before having security come to help escort us out. As we get closer to the exit I hear something weird..

"Is that.. Is that.. screaming?" I turn to Nick and George with a confused look. They both laugh immediately.

"Oh yes, that's screaming. You'll get used to it. Just stay close to the security guards and you'll be fine" George says

My eyes widen a bit out of shock, I guess this never crossed my mind, that we would need to deal with well.. fans, crazy ones at that. The security opens the doors and the screaming irrupts, hitting me like a ton of bricks. George and I smoosh nick between us as the guards cover us. We slowly make our way to the car, hands reaching out in hopes for a touch, inaudible screams becoming even louder the closer Nicks to someone. It felt like we were talking for hours, but it was really only a short few steps to the car. George opens the door and I give Nick a gentle shove inside before quickly sliding in after, shutting the door tightly. I hear the car start up and we make a slow decent forward. I jump as I'm startled by a hand hitting the window, I look to see the face of a girl who looks to be 15. Her teeth are lined with braces and she's screaming something I cannot understand. I turn to Nick.

"I swear this is like a scene out of a scary movie" I say, laughing.

"it can feel like that sometimes. They mean the best. The Paparazzi are the ones that can sometimes get to me, but I love seeing fans be there for me."

"Wow, you really are as nice as they say."

"I try" he replies with a chuckle.

"well, on that note. We've got an hour drive to lunch, you hungry?"

"I will be."

"perfect."

The ride stayed pretty quiet, Nick and I both staying busy on our phone's. Phil texted me checking in, and I was glad I could confidently tell him things were going well. Once we get to the place we were meeting Lucas for lunch I see us drive around to the back. Once the car stops, two large men step out of the back door.

"that's our que" Nick says, scooting closer to me to make me step out of the car.

I don't see any screaming girls this time, so I open the door and slide out, grabbing my bag as Nick slides out after me. The guards lead us inside. I can hear other people talking and enjoying their lunches, but I don't see them. We are lead into a private room where Lucas is already sitting. He stands as we walk in. Nick and him share a hug before he extends a hand out to me.

"Lucas, and you are?" he asks

"(y/n), Nicks Assistant." I smile, giving him a firm handshake.

"Wow, I was hoping for Nicks sake you were a new girlfriend" He says jokingly. I laugh and shake my head a bit as I sit down, seeing Nick give Lucas a death glare.

"Excuse me can you not harass my assistant." Nick says to Lucas in a joking manner.

Lucas just laughs and then reaches for a notebook, setting it on the table. As he does so a waiter comes by, asking us what we would like to drink. Nick orders a beer on draft, I just ask for a water. The waiter steps out and we all pull the menus open. My eyes widen a bit at the prices. Wow.. I think Nick notices my shock and leans in, handing a gold credit card to me.

"Almost forgot this. "Company" card. Takes care of all expenses like this." He starts speaking louder now "except this one, cause Lucas has got this one, right Lucas?" I take the card from Nicks hand as Lucas laughs.

"ah, I got hers, but you're on your own, buddy" They both laugh, I do as well as I slip the card into my wallet. Company expenses. Funny since the "company" is Nick.

We order a food and then get right to business. Lucas starts naming off bands/artists they could line up to open for him on his next upcoming tour. Some I've heard of, some I haven't. Nick Maybe's and No's them as Lucas lists them off. They narrow It down to all the maybe's and go from there. They finally settle on 3 that they both think are good. They both ask me my opinion, but I haven't heard of any of the bands they chose so I just smiled and nodded and went along with what I think they wanted me to say. Our food comes shortly after and we immediately dig in, Lucas and Nick still talking business.

"Are we just naming it after the album?" Lucas asks Nick

Nick nods "yeah, I mean it's the reason I'm touring so might as well."

They both nod as they take bites. Soon business talk starts to end and friendly banter begins, something I can be way more apart of. We talk and laugh and joke a bit. Talking a little more even after our meals are finished. The waiter brings the check, Lucas taking it from him with a thankyou before slipping a credit card inside without even a glance at the price and handing it back. I look at the time, 2:24. We talk a little more before finally deciding to part ways. As I say goodbye Lucas takes my hand, jokingly bowing and kissing the top of it. I can't help but laugh

"Nice meeting you, my lady" I shake my head with a laugh and curtsey at him

"Nice meeting you my good sir." He laughs back and then turns to say goodbye to Nick. He whispers something to him, but I can't hear. All I see is Nick give him an eye roll and a friendly punch to the shoulder. Goodbyes are done and we start heading to the door we came in at.

"So last thing on the agenda today is a 9:00 listening party at the studio, sound familiar to you?"

"Oh yeah, it's my good buddies listening party, it should be fun. Not until 9 you said?"

I nod in response. Alright well, we'll drop you off at your place so you can get ready and then I'll pick you up around 8:45, how does that sound."

"Good to me." I give him a smile before the security guards pushes the door open and I make my way to the car, sliding inside. Nick follows close behind.  

I'm applying my lipstick as I hear my work phone go off. It's Nick. "Outside. Hope you're ready" I read it with a chuckle and finish up what I was doing, grabbing my purse before stepping outside. I smile a hello to George as a slide carefully into the car beside Nick.

"You look great" He says to me with a smile

"Why thank you, so do you"

"Oh you know, I try" he says with a chuckle.

The drive is pretty short, we show up about 10 minutes after 9 and I see cars lined up for blocks and gorgeous people getting out of them. Some of them faces I recognize from magazines and such, some people I've never seen. Nick gets out of the car first and hurries over to open the door for me. I chuckle a bit at the gesture and take his hand for assistance as I step our of the car. Smoothing out my dress. I look up and see Phil walking toward us.

"Big second day, huh?"

I laugh and nod "It really is, interesting though, and thankfully going well. At least I think."

Phil looks at Nick, he nods and the a smile spreads over Phils face.

"So glad it's working out. It may have only been two days but I am already 100 times less stressed having to deal with this ass all the time." He laughs, giving Nick a playful shove. Nick jokingly rolls his eyes then offers me an arm to take as we start to make our way into the building. I look my arm around his and follow him inside. There is way more people than I was expecting to be inside. It's a weird feeling being at something like this, being surrounded by so many big names. I am relieved when I notice Nick not ever leaving me behind. If he goes somewhere to talk to someone new he always brings me along for the conversation. It's a saving grace, I don't know I could have handled this just yet on my own. I spend a lot of my time explaining I'm his new assistant, but I don't mind. Everyone I meet is very nice and very talkative, which thankfully makes it easier to keep up a conversation.

The night goes on and things continue to go smoothly, I have a few glasses of champagne but nothing more, I am still technically on the clock. Nick however had quite a few beers, but the end of the night I could tell he was getting pretty drunk, and as things started to end he said his goodbye and linked his arm with mine to leave, although this time is was more of me keeping him up and walking straight. He kept cracking jokes left and right as we walked, laughing, I struggle to get him inside.

"I'm glad to see you had fun"

"I did, a lot of fun. First time I brought home a girl I didn't plan on having sex with" He laughs and so do I, I shake my head a bit and we take off. George pulls up to my apartment and I tell him to get Nick home safe and thank him again before stepping out. Once I find my way back into my house I take seat on my couch and take a deep breath. It was a lot, but it went well. I really think I can do this.

[shookethbrooketh]

how (not) to drive

summary: when dan told phil he’d be taking a “driving test” for the video they were about to film, he was more confused than anything else. the confusion remained throughout the first two thirds of the video, but it soon turned into fear and then to pure happiness. and maybe a scraped knee. 

genre: realistic fluff

warnings: some language, mentions of vomit 

word count: 2k

a/n: i’m absolutely in love with dan pushing phil around in a chair during today’s gaming video, so i couldn’t help but to make it into a little fluff oneshot!

read it on ao3! read it on wattpad!

phil had been put through a lot in the last few minutes of his life. first he was faced with the brutal challenge of a driving test, which, in and of itself, terrified him. he’d always been rubbish at driving, and he had no clue what dan had planned, but all of his guesses were equally horrific. when he found out it was a simple racing game, he calmed down a bit, but he still knew dan would have tricks up his sleeve. 

of course, phil couldn’t be the only one suffering, so he dug through his prop chest and pulled out a few mustaches for dan to wear to help him look more like phil’s sleazy old driving instructor. if they were going to roleplay, they were going to roleplay. 

the first of three portions of the test was simple; he just had to make it through a race. the second was when things got hard. before he knew it, he was dressed like the beginning of a bad porno and having fake cacti shoved in his face. of course, he couldn’t tell the cactus was fake, and he thought there was a thorn lodged in his eardrum for the rest of the race, but he made it. in reality, the placebo pain wasn’t even nearly as bad as the pain as dan asking him to send nudes. he couldn’t tell if it was worse in or out of character. 

by the end of part two, phil was all wound up. he’d laughed way too hard to not be full of excitement, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t at least a little bit scared to see what dan had in store for the last portion of his “test”. if there was one thing phil knew about the gaming channel, it was that it always got worse as it went on. 

“i’m gonna stand up,” he heard dan say from behind him, and his heart skipped a beat, and not in a good way. 

“why?” he whined, fear lacing his tone. “i feel like you’re going to put a spider on me or something!” he exclaimed as dan spoke words of reassurance in the background. if he had to face a single one of his fears, he was walking straight to his room and locking the door. “i don’t like it...” he trailed off, as leaned in towards the camera.

“it is time for the driving test.” 

“oh god.” phil paused a moment. “are you sure i’m going to be okay with this?” he asked as he took and squeezed dan’s hand, knowing the moment would never make it online. there was one way to get dan to crack, and it was physical contact. 

“trust me,” he said, squeezing back. “this is going to be your favorite portion of all.” 

phil stared at him for a moment, trying to decipher his tone. “you’re joking, right?” 

dan let go of his hand and simply shrugged, a signal that the only way to find out was to talk towards the camera and see what would happen. 

“what are you doing behind me?” 

“nothing! i’m just-”

“am i gonna get a nice massage?” phil asked, attempting to use humor to cover up the fact that he only semitrusted dan in this situation. 

“no, that’s not it,” dan said. phil began to smile at his own joke, but his face quickly changed as the wheels beneath him began to roll. “we’re coming out of the garage.” 

understanding of the situation immediately rushed to phil, and all he could think about was breaking their sponsored phone. or his bones. maybe both. “no, no, no!” 

“and we’re going on a little journey.” 

“dan! i cannot play like this!” he chuckled up at the smiling dimples above him. they both knew phil was garbage at the game while sitting still; he’d stand no chance on the move. 

“i’m starting to become very concerned about this. you’re not going to throw me down the stairwell, are you?”

“oh, shit, you’ve found out my master plan. nine years is far too long, phil.” he started to wheel phil in the direction of the door. “time for a new husband, you old bag!” he jerked phil forward, and he had to clutch to the chair’s armrests so as to not fall not-so-gracefully into the door. 

“you’re the worst, you know that?” 

“you remind me every day of my life.” the two took a moment to laugh before dan looked at phil in the phone camera. “you ready for this?” phil responded with more laughter. “what’s so funny?” 

“i’m sorry, it’s just hard to take you seriously in that mustache.” 

“who’s the one in control of the chair here?” 

“fine,” phil said. “just don’t hurt me.” 

“no promises,” dan said, and the chair started to move again. 

“this is very under-chin, dan; i don’t like it,” phil said, finally taking a good look at himself at the horrible camera angle he was holding the phone at to be able to play. “i look like a potato.” 

phil honestly expected a joking reply from dan, but instead he was met with increasingly concerning ambiguity. “no, it’s fine! don’t question anything!”

“oh no,” phil said, as the numbers on the screen began to count down. “what are you doing?” 

“three, two, one... we’re starting the race! here we go!” 

at that, phil could feel all of dan’s weight forcing the chair forward, and he was suddenly coasting at speeds that could definitely cause serious injury in a crash. phil’s emotions seemed to be moving just as fast as he was; of course, the first emotion to hit him was the unbridled fear, but somewhere behind it in his physically jumbled brain playfulness and love in its purest form broke through the fog. only his husband would do something so childish yet so adorable.

“oh god! i’m gonna die! i’m literally gonna die!” phil screamed, the world spinning around him.

“no, it’s okay! come on!” dan shouted, coming into view every couple of seconds as phil spun around in his chair. it was then that he realized dan wasn’t holding him anymore, which scared the living hell out of him, but it was worth it to see his face. the two of them were laughing at dan’s childish antics as if it was nine years earlier. it was like they were young again. “we’re going for a lap!” 

“i’m gonna fall over!” 

sensing phil’s legitimate fear, dan took hold of the back of the chair again, guiding him through the doorway. “we are in the kitchen!” he shouted, letting phil spin freely again. 

“i’m scared! i’m scared!”

“no, come on! don’t crash the car, phil!” 

phil laughed, sure dan’s face at the time was golden, but he was terrified to look up from his phone because he thought he might get motion sick, or worse, crash the car. 

“i don’t like it!” 

“it’s realistic; don’t crash it!” 

the whirlwind of emotions in phil’s head got crazier as each moment passed, and suddenly the fear had turned to adrenaline and all his thoughts had blended together to create one positive chemical solution that left him smiling. he was starting to get the hang of it. until dan had to come and ruin it. 

“now, how do you get your nitrus?”

“uh-” phil panicked for a moment, his brain having turned off as he enjoyed the fun. “do some spins!” 

“yeah!” dan said, and phil realized all too suddenly what the point of that question was. “yes, you do!” dan shouted as he spun the chair around. “you do a 360!” 

phil began to laugh uncontrollably. he felt as if he could lose his breakfast at any moment, but he didn’t even care anymore. “i don’t like it! i feel sick!” he shouted. to an outsider, it might have seemed that he wasn’t enjoying himself, and his body definitely would agree, but he didn’t stop smiling once through the whole ride. 

“activate your nitrus! here we go!” dan shouted, thrusting phil forward. 

“oh my god!” phil shrieked, feeling his balance leave the chair as his body was thrown to the ground and he felt a sharp pain in his knee. “shhhh-” he stutted to avoid swearing on the channel. “ow!” he yelped, not even bothering to pull himself off the floor. the fun aura of the situation quickly left them both as dan’s voice reached a serious tone for the first time in the past few minutes. 

“phil, are you okay?” 

“i fell on my knee!”

“this has gone too far.” 

“i’m staying on the floor,” he said, defeated. “let me finish the lap.” 

phil could see dan in the camera behind him, his offputting mustache not helping the image. “don’t stay on the floor!” dan said, almost whining at him to get back up so the fun wouldn’t have to end. “i’m gonna give you a red mark.” 

“don’t give me a red mark...” he said, disgruntledly climbing back into the chair. dan appeared again in the view behind him, but he didn’t push the chair again. he simply stood there, and phil could feel his body heat behind him. it was somehow comforting; they had both decided they’d had enough fun, and going any further would be risking physically breaking phil, and so they just existed right where they were as phil somehow performed worse sitting still as he did when he was falling off his chair. 

“that was a disaster,” they each confirmed as phil rolled into the finish line dead last and physically bruised. 

“but it was one hell of a fun disaster,” dan said, slowly wheeling phil back into the gaming room. 

“i can’t believe i’m going to have to do all the driving when we move to the countryside,” dan said as he sat on the couch editing the video they had filmed a few hours before.

“i’ll learn!” 

“no you won’t. you’ll hurt more than your knee.” 

“speaking of...” dan glanced up from his laptop to see phil lift the bag of ice he’d had on his knee up into the air. “i’m gonna need some more ice.” dan sighed, setting his laptop on the coffee table and pushing himself up out of his sofa crease. “don’t take that tone with me! this is your fault!” 

“how is it my fault that you have no balance!” dan shouted from the kitchen. 

“remember when i said ‘just don’t hurt me’?” phil said, smirking at dan as he handed him a new bag of ice. “you literally had one job.” 

“yeah, yeah,” dan said. “let’s replay the incident one more time.” dan clicked his mouse and the clip immediately began to play. “nice job saving that swear, by the way.” 

“thanks. they’ll catch it anyway.”

“you should’ve just said it.” 

phil chuckled. “maybe in 2019.” 

dan decided to give up on multitasking and shut his laptop, squeezing himself into the loveseat phil was sitting in. “hey! this is my chair!” phil shouted, shifting himself against the side of the chair. 

“it’s not your chair, it’s our chair.” 

phil rolled his eyes. “you’re such a dork.” 

“be careful, lester. i have the physical upper hand.” 

phil stared at him, pushing his glasses up onto his glabella. “you wouldn’t hit a man with glasses, would you?” 

dan couldn’t help but laugh at that. “who’s the dork now?” 

“still you,” phil said with a childish smile. 

“fine, we’ll make a deal,” dan said, a devious look crossing his face. “we’re both dorks, and i get to sit here pressed up against you until your knee feels good enough for you to get up.” 

“i’m up, i’m up!” phil exclaimed, thrusting his weight onto his good leg. dan’s laughs echoed in the background as he limped out of the lounge. “i’ll be in my room.” 

“our room!” 

“dork!” 

[hilariousandunappreciated]

One Day At A Time

word count: 2.6k

summary: Moments throughout the years in the Howell-Lester household. Moments that define their life now. Moments that make it all worth it.

ao3 | quotev

A/N: After a good 3 weeks of not being motivated and not writing at all, I have returned with very fluffy parent!phan (because of course it is.)

I wanted to base a fic off of a song so the title/lyrics are from One Day At A Time by Sam Smith, a song in my phan playlist and one that I really love. It just reminds me that things are not always easy but no matter what happens, we have our friends and/or family and we can just take things one day at a time, no rush, no need to have our life together and sorted. It is a reminder that everything is going to be okay :) Enjoy <3 (note at the end as well!)

1. But I got everything I need, baby, in the palms of your touch / in world of dark distractions, it can all get too much

    Silence. A pin could drop and it might have sounded like a crash. The air was haltingly still. It was charged. But not electric. Peaceful, rather.

    Dan was curled into the side of the couch, face resting in the grey cushion, shoulder leaving a dent in the already creased fabric. His legs curled into his chest, arms wrapped around his middle, sweater paws of his black fluffy jumper comforting him. His eyelids drooped with exhaustion after spending nearly an hour getting the kids to settle for a nap. They would put up a fit, struggle, yell, kick, whine. And it was never unusual but it was enough to knock Dan and Phil out. Naptime for Suze and Dil was almost always naptime for them. And if not, it was a time to catch up on work that never got done when needy children were always in tow.

    Dan snuggled into the sofa and his shoulders relaxed from his ears as he sighed into his position. Sleep laced his eyelashes and fogged his thoughts. Phil sat on a chair against the opposite wall, laptop carefully propped on his legs and brows furrowed in concentration. He was no doubt trying to finish something important while there was finally peace in their (somewhat) hectic household. Dan listened and observed silently as Phil typed. click clack click Phil slouched. click A slender finger came up to adjust his glasses. click clack He leaned forward ever so slightly clack click click His forehead creased a little more. In the meantime, Dan admired these mannerisms as if they had meaning. As if Phil adjusting his glasses was his intelligence. His slouch was his tireless work. His lean towards the screen was his dedication, not only to his work but to his family. Dan smiled softly and let his mind melt with the light clicking, the smooth fabric of the sofa lulling him further into his subconscious. His heart didn't swell, he did not feel particularly passionate, but he felt a simple feeling, a miniature twinge in his heart.

    “I love you,” he called to Phil, sleep slurring the consonants only a little.

Phil looked up, face a glow from the screen. He smiled in reply, lips curling up and eyes softening at the words. Dan finally gave in and let his mind take him to a land of dreams.

    When he awoke, his space blanket had been tucked around his long limbs and he heard the babble of parent and toddler from the kitchen.

2. I know you're feeling weighed down tonight, and you can't find the breaks / every day is too long for you, you are sworn to your fate

    It was an exhausting day. Dan had been awake since 9am, preparing to go to two meetings that had been scheduled last month. He wished he could skip them but he had no excuse except for the fact that he slept a whopping four hours the night before. And he didn't want to go. That would be of no significance to the important execs at either meeting. So he went. Several hours of planning, talking about Young Minds. New ideas. New missions. New accomplishments. Dan found it interesting but his eyelids betrayed him and he desperately tried to hold in the yawns pushing to escape. But he made it.

     He walked up the porch steps grudgingly, legs a little sore and headache nudging the back of his head and pulsing in his temples. Damnit. He needed to sleep properly. The key turned in the lock and he was immediately met with the melodic sound of indie pop flowing into the front room. His headache pushed further at each note, crescendo, beat. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment to ground himself. All he wanted was to come home and fall face first into bed. But now there was music twisting the pain in his head and he was ready to snap.

     Dan threw his slick, black coat aside in frustration and followed the source of excess noise. Down the hall the music grew a little louder and each repeat of a chorus brought him closer to his bedroom, light filtering through the cracked open door. Dan squinted at the sound, eventually taking a hand and pushing the door ajar to investigate.

     The light hit his eyes and Dan did his best to ignore his throbbing head. He peered through the doorway to find Phil, Suzie, and Dil, dancing in circles to the ridiculous tune, arms waving and feet kicking. Dan found Phil stooped over, hands grasped tightly to Suzie's small pale ones, holding on to her and spinning and stepping awkwardly as her feet stepped on top of his. Phil was beaming and towards the corner little Dil wildly danced in circles and squealed in delight.

     Dan's irritation and pessimism melted each second he watched them twirl and flap limbs around in a sloppy excuse for dancing. His near scowl melted into an admiring smile and he stepped into the room just as the music came to a stop. Phil turned to see a tired, smiling Dan and released Suzie from his grip. She followed Phil's line of sight and ran to hug Dan's leg, auburn curls a  mess. Dil ran after her and grabbed Dan's hand, tugging.

“Hi, babe,” Phil greeted breathlessly. His eyes sparkled and he strode to where Dan was standing, two kids hanging off of him.

    “Daddy! Papa was dancing with us!” Dil piped up.

    “That's great, bud! I bet it was fun,” Dan replied softly, tired tone seeping through the words despite his efforts to sound enthusiastic.

Phil gave him a knowing look.

    “Yeah! You should come dance, too!” Suzie was all giggles as she hopped with each word of her suggestion.

But Phil knew. He read Dan like familiar literature, the creases around his mouth and forehead, the slouch dragging him a little lower than normal, voice slower and softer. Phil gazed at Dan and offered a sympathetic smile.

    “I think Daddy can dance with us another time, let's go back into the lounge, you can pick out a movie,” Phil patted Suzie's back as he spoke as if to urge her out of the room.

Phil fixed his hand around Dil’s shoulder and ushered him gently to the door. The kids skipped out and down the hall in front of Phil before he reached out and squeezed Dan's hand. His other hand landed on Dan's arm, thumb tracing a circle there.

    “Go ahead and rest, I can still handle the kids,” Phil leaned in and pressed a kiss in between Dan's crossed brows.

Phil released Dan's hand and walked back to the door.

    “Okay, love you,” Dan sighed, making his way to the bed.

    “Love you, too,” and Phil slipped out the door.

3. But we got everything we need baby, in the memories we make / in a world of reinvention, it's never too late

    Phil's eyes hesitantly opened, sleep still playing at the corners of his mind and his dreams slowly fading. He fished for his glasses on his nightstand and slipped them on before glancing at the time glowing on his phone screen. 12pm. Oh shit, he thought, I didn't mean to sleep this late. He knew Dan was probably up with the kids and he felt guilty for sleeping so long and not helping out when he should have. He reached up to rub the confusion from his heavy eyelids and moved to get out of bed. As he pushed up from the warm mattress, he heard the echoes of the piano from upstairs. Phil's thoughts shifted.Why would Dan be playing now? He had not practiced for three weeks and usually waited until the evening. His train of thought was confused further when the smooth transition of notes became clumsy plops of random notes. Then a cacophonous medley of sorts. Oh, Phil pondered,  I think Dil has discovered the piano. Phil dressed and ventured up the stairs to Dan's piano room. The door was shut and the sour notes continued to sound from the room, until, once again a mellifluous string of notes followed. Phil tentatively turned the knob and looked into the room, stepping quietly.

    The scene revealed made Phil giggle to himself. Dil sat in Dan's lap, leaning forward and reaching toward the ivory keys while Dan attempted to guide his chubby little fingers along the right notes. Dil's eyes were vibrant with excitement and curiosity at this new discovery that he was fortunate enough to have (mostly) to himself. Suzie was content in the corner of the room, crayons scattered on the carpet and coloring book open in front of her, the tip of her tongue peeking out from the side of her mouth in concentration. She laid on her stomach, legs up in the air and swishing back forth back forth. Her forehead was crinkled with determination. She was a serious artist.

    Phil's heart melted and he couldn't help but laugh as Dan once again picked up Dil's hands to try and position them on the keys, but Dil stubbornly smashed his hands wherever they landed. Dan's patience was beginning to wear thin. At the sound of Phil's musical laugh which contrasted the reckless piano bashing, Dan turned his head to find Phil laughing and smiling to himself in the corner.

    “Wot?” Dan asked, a defensive tone raising his pitch.

Phil shook his head and giggled again.

     “What?” Dan persisted, tone more serious the second time.

Phil's arm hugged his middle as he tried to control the chuckle seizing his belly.

     “What are you doing?” Phil questioned, pitch higher with each word.

Dan kept an arm around a giddy Dil, still poking and smashing keys intermittently.

     “Thought I would teach him some piano,” Dan's face shifted as if he suddenly understood how silly that sounded. Yeah, nothing like giving your toddler piano lessons, “you know, gotta start 'em early and all,” he finished.

Phil's giggle bubbled from his throat again, just as a loud F sharp interrupted.

     “It's cute,” Phil commented, and Dan smiled in response.

Phil entered the room fully and hovered behind Dan, watching Dil's chubby hands navigate the otherwise sophisticated instrument. Dan's legs bounced Dil up and down as Phil leaned down to peck Dil's brunet waves.

     “I'll leave you to it, then. At this rate maybe we’ll have star pianist someday,” Phil teased.

He turned his face to Dan's and pressed a gentle kiss to Dan's temple, earning two smiles as Dil squealed excitedly and Dan looked up to read Phil's expression. Satisfied with what he found, Dan turned back to Dil.

     “Okay, now we'll start with middle C…”

Phil turned on his heels and headed down the stairs to make lunch.

4.   so let’s sit by an English river til the water runs dry / There is nothin' that we've done wrong that can't be made right / We’re neither saints or sinners so leave your history behind / Let’s grab a bottle and take it one day at a time

     Phil had come home to a shockingly quiet house. Two little kids never allowed for this and Phil raised his eyebrows in surprise as he peered into the front room. It was only mid-morning and Dil would normally be running around and playing boisterously. But this time as he greeted his home once again, he found no stumbling toddler, no toys scattered around the lounge, no delightful screams bouncing off the walls. Silence.

    Phil shrugged off his jacket to hang by the front door as he pondered what made this environment so magically quiet this morning. Phil felt satisfied in that moment; he had just come home from walking Suzie to school without any incident and though the air was getting chilled and the weather a little more dreary, the walk was pleasant and the air was crisp. He listened to Suzie's silly babbling as she recounted her adventures from her first year in school. Her voice was calming to listen to; she chirped as she skipped along the pavement and occasionally reached up to hold Phil's hand, warming his heart all the way through his jacket. She was lovely and the sweetest little girl Phil could have ever imagined even though things weren't always easy. Today she had skipped off to school with no problem when he dropped her off and cheerfully made her way inside. Phil was just relieved that everyone survived the morning.

     Phil stepped into the lounge, turning his head in search of Dan or Dil, but to no avail. Nothing in the kitchen. No sound from the piano room. No one in the office. Finally Phil creaked open his bedroom door and glanced around the room. Dan was lying in bed still, sheets wrinkled around his legs, sweatpants lazily slipped over his legs. But contrary to earlier, Dil sat on Dan's bare chest, giggles sounding through his tiny body. His eyes were covered with his delicate hands before he suddenly revealed them and exclaimed to Dan, “boo!” Dan feigned a shocked face immediately, “aah!”

Dil erupted in giggles all over again, and he moved to cover his eyes a second time as if he were teaching Dan this game. Phil laughed just as Dil's hands flew from his eyes again, “boo!” and Dan acted surprised. Dil squealed laughter. At the sound of Phil laughing and approaching the bed, Dan turned his head to greet his spouse.

     “Look, Dil! Papa's home,” Dan explained, somewhat unnecessarily as Dil was already reaching up with grabby hands for Phil to pick him up.

Phil's arms wrapped up Dil and he held him close to his chest.

    “Papa! Daddy game!”

Phil ruffled Dil's frizzy brunet waves, “I see that! You played a game with Daddy?”

Dil nodded his head and held an arm around Phil's neck, “Yes! Play game!”

Phil grinned from ear to ear, matching Dil's joyful expression.

Dan piped up, “You survived the walk to school, then?” A teasing tone rose from his voice, smirk deepening his dimples.

Phil caught on immediately.

    “Yep! Feel like I could run a mile! Two miles!” he expressed as he glanced at Dil for a moment. And as they met each other's eyes, they both laughed.

Dil laughed, too, if only to imitate his dads, and clearly was in a good mood. Phil sat on the bed and toed his shoes off as he sat Dil in between himself and Dan. Dil already began experimenting with his game as Phil settled into the mattress. He leaned down to press a kiss just above Dan's eyebrow, and Dil became louder the less the attention was on him. Dan reached to pull Phil further down for another chaste kiss just as Dil yelled “boo!” It was Phil's turn to feign absolute shock at the outburst and Dil laughed at his facial expression, delighted that his game was eliciting this reaction. Dan and Phil simultaneously grinned at each other, feeling airy and blissful in this moment.

    They were content just like this. The silly, intimate moments mattered just as much as the intimidating, life-changing ones. Moments such as these defined Dan and Phil's life now: playing with the kids, taking short breaks when they could, teaching them, walking them to school, watching them grow. Moments to get married, to buy a new house, to move, to adopt kids were monumental. But they would not compare to playing peek-a-boo, letting the kids play the piano, napping together after an exhausting afternoon. Times when things were peaceful. Times when Dan and Phil knew they had the world. Right here. In the hands of their little ones and each other. And here they were: taking things one day at a time.

A/N #2 is inspired by this tweet from @hey-laura

#3 and #4 inspired by this and this art 

[daniactuallysnuffledthatpopcorn]

Painting Flowers (Chapter 5)

[A/N] My camp Nano project from April 2014. Heavily edited.

Summary: Dan has come to accept that his psychotic episodes and hallucinations are here to stay, when he meets Phil Lester. Although Phil can’t fix Dan, he does give him something to fight for. Something to try for, one last time.

WARNINGS: Mentions of self harm and suicide. Deals with mental illness, hallucinations and psychotic episodes.

Word count: 2.3K (14.2K total)

<-previous chapter -- next chapter->

Start at the beginning

Dan forgot his dream as soon as he opened his eyes. He remembered that it had been a nightmare and he’d been terribly scared, but he couldn’t recall what happened.

His mum was sitting by his bed. She smiled down at him and patted his shoulder, “How’d you sleep, sweetheart?”

“Fine.” Dan replied. His eyes studied the white walls of the room. He wasn’t at home, that was for sure. He vaguely recognised this place and he quickly realised where he was when he realised that he couldn’t move his arms or legs: he was at the hospital. “Why did they restrain me? Did I lash out?”

“No, you didn’t. They’re afraid you’re a danger to yourself.”

The cuts immediately sprung to Dan’s mind and he pressed his chin down to his chest in order to look at what he was wearing: his hoodie. He was still wearing his hoodie. They probably hadn’t seen anything. “When can I leave?” Dan felt like the answer to that question would confirm to him whether they’d seen or not.

“Soon.” His mum replied.

“Soon as in ‘just a few days’ or soon as in ‘about an hour’?”

“About an hour, I think. Your dad is signing some paperwork and they’re probably going to come in to ask you if you want to take stronger meds later, but I reckon we can leave after that.”

“Where is my phone?”

“Your phone?” She looked confused. Dan had never asked about his phone this short after waking up before.

“Yeah, I think it was near my bed when I.. You know.”

His mum retrieved the phone from her handbag, “Here it is.”

“Do I have any messages?”

“How am I supposed to see? You’ve got a password on this thing, don’t you?”

“Just turn it on and look at the top left corner. What pictures do you see?”

“Some kind of phone with a circle around it.” She said when she’d followed his instructions. “If you give me your password I can read it for you.”

Dan bit his lip, “It may be private.”

She laughed at him, “Were you sexting someone, Daniel?”

Dan blushed and shook his head vigorously.

“Yeah, you didn’t expect an old woman like me to know what that is, did you?”

“I didn’t. But I wasn’t sexting anyone, it’s just that I, I’ve like, been on a date with this person.”

“You think this girl has messaged you?”

“Right.” Dan said. “Girl.”

She gave him a puzzled look for a second before slowly nodding in comprehension, “A boy. You’ve been on a date with a boy and you didn’t want me to know that.”

“I would turn away in shame but that’s a tad difficult when restrained.” Dan joked.

“Dan, listen to me. I honestly could not care less about the gender of the person you’re dating, as long as they make you happy. Do you understand me?”

“Yes.” “Good. Now what’s your password?”

Dan rolled his eyes and recited the code to her. He was going to have to change that later, no way in hell would he allow his mum to be able to unlock his phone at any given moment.

“I just pull this bar down and tap on the message, right?” “That’s right.”

She turned the screen towards him. Seven new messages from Phil.

‘In a lecture right now considering just getting up and leaving’

‘Are you home yet? Do you have time to go for drinks or something?’

And then there were the two messages Dan had heard come in just after he’d sent his confession. He was a bit scared to read them, but he was also scared that the screen would start blurring again as soon as he’d attempt to read.

‘Hey dude that’s alright man don’t be sorry’

‘You’re not out of your mind Dan it’s fine’

Those were the messages Dan would’ve read near the beginning of his episode. There was this chance that they would’ve calmed him down enough for him to be able to pull himself together, but maybe they wouldn’t have. Dan didn’t think it was a big enough chance to wind himself up over.

There were three more messages, two from the night before and one from that morning.

‘Are you okay Dan?’

‘Message me back I’m worried about you’

‘I know you’re getting my messages, if this is because of what you sent me last night, I promise I’m not mad and you didn’t scare me off either it’s fine I promise. Please just message me back.’

“Do you think they’d untie me to let me reply?” Dan asked when he looked back up at his mum.

“Maybe if you ask nicely. I can type out a reply for you if you want.”

“No thanks. You can turn it off now.”

“You’re such a typical teenager. What secrets are on this phone of yours?” She laughed and waved the phone around a bit before getting up and putting it on her chair.

“I will be right back.”

“You know where to find me, I’m not going anywhere.”

Just as his mum left the room, the phone made its familiar bubble sound. Neither of his parents would message him because they knew he was restrained, so it had to be Phil. He hoped those damn doctors would come in and let him go soon so that he could finally reply. They weren’t even properly dating yet and Dan was already being a bad boyfriend by not replying to messages.

 The door opened again after about ten minutes, and this time he saw his dad’s face appear.

“Hey buddy, how you holding up?”

“Couldn’t be better.” Dan replied sarcastically. “Do you have a doctor to undo these restraints?” He pulled on the binds to emphasise his point.

His dad nodded, and after him, Dan’s mum and a doctor walked into the room.

“Are you feeling better today?” The doctor asked him with a friendly smile while he walked up to the bed.

“I guess so. I just really want to answer these texts because I just heard another one come in.”

“You’ve got friends who are worried about you, eh?”

“Sort of.”

The doctor undid his binds and Dan immediately jumped up and grabbed his phone. He ignored the dizziness that set in because he’d moved too quickly, and unlocked his phone.

‘Sorry I was in the hospital. I’m about to go back home though’

The reply came before Dan got the chance to follow his parents out of the room.

‘Hospital?? Are you alright??’

‘Yep I’m fine I had an episode kind of thing-y but I’m fine now’

‘Offer for drinks is still on, but I can just come by your house and we can like listen to some music together if you would prefer some peace right now.’

‘Music sounds good. When?’

‘Ready when you are’

“Dan, are you coming?” His parents were both standing at the end of the hall and Dan had stopped in the middle to be able to message Phil back faster.

“Yeah.” He uttered absentmindedly.

‘Will be home in 30. You can come by whenever you want. I’ll boot up Spotify’

He finally shoved his phone back in his pocket and speed walked after his parents.

“Were you messaging Phil?” His dad asked.

Dan was about to reply but then tilted his head, “You know about Phil?”

“Of course. Your mum told me about him. So were you messaging him?”

“Yeah, he’s coming over in a bit.” Dan said.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” His mum asked.

“Shit, is my room still a mess from yesterday night?”

“It is. Do you want me to clean that up before you go in?” She offered.

Dan shook his head, “No thanks, I’ll tidy it myself.”

 As soon as they got back to the hotel Dan took the lift up to his room and started putting everything back where it belonged; books back in their stacks on the dresser, notebooks and school stuff back on his desk, and then finally he walked into the bathroom and picked the blade up off the floor. He turned it around between his fingers for a few seconds before opening the cabinet and putting the blade back in its box. He was done just in time, as he heard knocking on the door when he stepped back into his bathroom. “Coming.” He called.

He opened the door to find Phil standing there. Messy hair, checkered shirt and dark skinny jeans. He was smiling down at Dan with a joyous grin as he stepped in. “I’m glad you’re okay, man. Is it inappropriate to express my happiness by hugging you?”

“Be my guest.”

Phil immediately replied by wrapping his arms around Dan and pulling him close to his chest. “When you didn’t reply even though you were receiving my messages I first thought you just weren’t interested anymore, but then I got really worried about you.”

“It’s alright now. Nothing happened, I threw a fit and got taken to the mental ward.”

Phil didn’t even seem fazed by his blatant use of the term ‘mental ward’, he didn’t seem put off by this whole mental illness thing at all, actually.

“Nothing I say seems to be able to dishearten you.”

“Nothing does. Look, Dan, just because you happen to be schizophrenic doesn’t mean I will just give up on you. You are not your illness, you are your wit, your intelligence, your love for books and anything alien. That’s who you are. I’ll gladly take the other things with that.”

Dan nodded with his head against Phil’s shoulder. It surely was food for thought. Dan had thought to himself that he was more than his illness plenty of times, and he’d tried to convince himself of this just as many times. But hearing it be said by someone else was different. Everyone at school treated him like he was his illness and when you live among that for long enough, you’ll start to believe it. Which was what Dan had done.

His parents and psychiatrist had tried to tell him there was more to him that his mental illness too, but that was kind of their job, wasn’t it? Like your mum telling you that you’re beautiful even though that’s not what you see when you look in the mirror. That’s what it was like.

 “Now what kind of music do you like?” Phil carefully pulled away and Dan disliked the loss of touch right away. He wasn’t a very touchy-feely person, but this was different. At least, that was what he was trying to tell himself.

“Bands, mainly. Like a bit of everything, I guess.”

“Fantastic. Where is your computer?”

“Right, I had to tidy my room as soon as I got home so I didn’t have time to start my computer. Give me a second.” Dan pulled his laptop out of one of the drawers of his desk and turned it on.

“You didn’t have to tidy for me, my own room is a mess.”

“Yeah, but I threw a fit, remember. It was really bad.”

Phil shrugged, “I could’ve helped you clean, I don’t mind.”

Dan typed in his password and started up Spotify. “I guess.” He said.

Phil came to stand behind him and looked over his shoulder. “I see Muse, Radiohead and Björk. I can see this relationship working out.”

Dan laughed, “I do try to have a music taste that is attractive to other guys.”

“Mission accomplished then. You’ve got some very great music in that library.”

Dan clicked on one of the songs and Phil quickly recognised it, “Painting Flowers.” He exclaimed excitedly.

It didn’t take long before they were both dancing and loudly singing along to Dan’s playlist on shuffle, not really caring about the other guests.

 Phil stayed with him all day and it was one of the calmest days Dan had had in months. It wasn’t just calm as in they didn’t do anything, it was calm as in it was quiet in his head, and he was able to easily ignore The Captain and Oasis (he felt a bit bad about ignoring Oasis, but abandoned that thought just as quickly as it had showed up). They ate lunch in the kitchen with Brianna and the other two helpers, Ryan and Clayton, and Dan’s mum even sat with them for a few minutes.

And everyone was equally interested in Phil, that being very, very interested. After all this was about Dan, that boy they’d all grown protective of. When the two boys got up to go back to Dan’s room, Clayton grabbed Dan’s shoulder and whispered: “If he does something you don’t want, kick him in the balls. He seems nice though.” He then winked and let go of him.

“Thanks.” Dan grinned.

 Dinner was spent in Dan’s bedroom, both sitting on the floor with a hot plate of pasta on their laps and their feet tapping against the floor to the rhythm of the Muse album that was playing on repeat from Dan’s computer. They hardly spoke, but the silence felt comfortable and light and neither felt the urge to break it. So they sat in silence and every now and again they’d look up, catch each other’s eyes, and just smile.

 At eleven pm Dan glanced at the clock. Usually he’d be getting ready for his walk by this time. Phil was lying on his bed with one of Dan’s comics in his hands and his eyes trained on the page. Dan could ask him to come, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted him to come along. He usually went on his walks to clear his mind and be quiet for a while, but if he had someone with him that would mean it would be less relaxed and quiet.

He sat down on the bed and grabbed a comic from the stack near Phil’s feet.

No walk then.

[phanisrealpeople]

To lose you

So yeah... this is a one shot from my book in wattpad, is super sad, I’m sorry. I’d appreciate it if you read it and reblog it or like it. I hope you enjoy (≧∀≦)

Our shouts echoed through the flat, I tried my best to follow Dan as he stumbled down the stairs heading to his bedroom, we were fighting again, that happened quite often this days, Dan have had been... irritable, everything I do seemed to be a mistake, my clumsiness bothered him quite a lot and I was frankly sad. I missed my Dan, his happy, sarcastic self had have been disappearing lately and I couldn't help but consider it my fault.

"... but that wasn't my fault!"

"Of course it wasn't! It is never, or is it, Phil?"

"Dan..."

"Stop it Phil! I'm not in the mood..."

He slammed his door shut leaving me with teary eyes outside his bedroom, I pressed my back on his door and I let tears stream down my face. I sat down there for a long time, crying and praying for my old Dan to come back.

My tears were interrupted when Dan opened the door I was leaning against, I felt to the floor and groaned when my head hit the floor "ouch..." Dan looked down at me with an angry expression on his face, he looked quite handsome from below. I stood up quickly and I took a full look at Dan, he was wearing a coat and he had a suitcase with him, my eyes met his, and I noticed his brown eyes were glossy too, had he been crying? I asked to myself, I must have had a very worried look in that moment because Dan opened his mouth and said:

"Phil, we've got a talk"

We were sitting in the couch that had been underneath our butts as we both scrolled on tumblr with Fall Out Boy resonating in our ears so many times, I missed that, I missed it a lot.

"Phil, I think we..." he took a deep breath before continuing "I think we need a break" he said looking straight into my blue eyes "a... a break from what?" I asked, even though I knew what he meant, I was just too afraid of it "from each other Phil, I think we should-" I immediately cut him off "what?! Why?!" I didn't mean to shout, I really didn't, but I couldn't help it, I didn't want him to go... I didn't want him to leave me, he answered in a soft voice "Phil, I just-" "no! Dan please! What about the videos? And the tour? And everything? What about us?" He just shook his head "Phil... I can't..." I was fully crying by that moment "why?! Why not Dan?!" He raised his head and snapped "Because I don't give a fucking fuck anymore! Okay, I don't care! I can't... You... I can't" my tears stopped for a second, he looked at me with those brown eyes and he stormed out of the house carrying his suitcase with him and slamming the door. I ran after him, of course I did. But it was too late, he was gone, he had left me. My vision was blurry because of the tears, I sunk to my knees and I cried I cried until I was out of tears, until my eyes were etching until my voice was totally gone and my heart was reduced to ashes, I wish I hadn't because maybe I could have had payed attention to the crash that took the most precious thing of the world away from me.

The day passed by, and it was awful as hell, my eyes were all puffy and everything reminded me of him, I looked at the screen and I saw all the anime's we watched together eating cereal, I saw all the times I looked at him instead of the screen, I walked into the kitchen and I saw us sliding on the floor in a bright orange sweater, I saw how much I blushed when I realized we weren't using anything underneath the sweater, I walked in the hallways and I remembered every single one of his existential crisis, I remembered how I used to lay there with him patting his back as he questioned the inevitability of death and the meaning of existence, our rooms were the worst, my bright colored sheets and his dark ones brought too many memories back to me, filming dozens of videos, talking for hours, playing stupid games and cuddling for hours. God! He has been gone for less than a day and I'm already breaking apart I thought to myself, oh, if I only knew...

That night I was awaken by a call, it was three am in the morning and someone was calling me, I hopped for a second that I'd be Dan, I would have been the happiest man alive if it was.

It wasn't. It was a hospital, a big hospital located in central London, I wondered what did they want. And so I picked up. An old lady was on the line and with a very posh voice she began "Mister Lester? Is this Mister Philip Lester?" I rubbed my eyes before answering "yeah, this is Phil Lester" there was a long pause, I wondered what had happened, was the lady dead? Had she forgotten about me? Questions popped up in my still sleepy brain "Mr. Philip Lester, we call you to inform you that your friend is in the hospital and we kindly request you to come, his situation is... complicated" my heart skipped a beat, Dan was on the hospital —I knew that because I don't have more friends— I stood there as If I had forgotten how to talk, I was frozen in my place, I felt panic starting to appear, Dan was in the hospital. What had happened to him? Was he okay? Will he be okay? I mumbled a small thanks to the lady and I grabbed whatever clothing I found on the floor, I stumbled out of the flat and I ran all the way to the hospital.

I arrived to the place all sweaty and out of breath, but I didn't care, all I cared about in that moment was Dan. Running to the counter I was left out of breath again. a thin woman sat behind the desk with a large pile of papers in front of her. "Excuse me... I... they just called me and... do you... Dan Howell?" I managed to say in between pants, the woman tilted her blonde head to the left with a worried look on her long, pale face. Although she seemed to understand because her worried expression immediately was switched to a sad, pity full one. She said something to a kind of morph between a microphone and a phone "excuse me, could you tell Doctor Holland that Philip Lester is here" fear started trailing up my throat, Dan was in the hospital, what had happened? Was it my fault? The same questions appeared in my brain, it was awful.

I bit my lip sat in an uncomfortable hospital chair and I noticed a short, dark skinned woman walking towards me with a concerned look on her golden eyes. I stood up and whipped the tears on my face with the sleeve of my red sweater "Mr Lester?" I nodded "please follow me" She turned her back to me and started walking quickly into a hallway, I followed her immediately with my hands shaking in my sides.

"Mr Lester, we called you due to an accident occurred to your friend..." she looked down to a paper with Dan's name written on it "Daniel James Howell" I gulped, and took a deep breath my heart was beating hard inside my chest "what... what happened to Dan?" She looked up at me "car accident, in front of your house if I'm not mistaken, he was hit by a van, the driver called an ambulance, he has various head wounds and broken ribs" I froze "is... is he going to recover? Will he be alright" she looked back at me, her mouth opened as if she was going to say something, she closed it again walking into a white room, I followed her, and I felt my heart shattering into a million pieces.

Dan was lying in a hospital bed, he was connected to a bipping machine and has two plastic wires in his nose, his beautiful face was paler than usual, his brown curls covered his face, his eyes were closed and his hands rested immobile by his sides, I ran to him, cold tears rushing down my face as I kneeled behind him. "Dan?" No answer "Dan?!" My sobs were almost keeping me from speaking and my tears tasted salty as they entered into my open mouth "Dan? Dan please say something" no answer was given to my prayers. I let my head fall into my hands, he wasn't answering, my best friend was right beside me and yet I've had never felt so alone.

the doctor let me cry a few more minutes and then put a consoling hand on my shoulder. "Mr. Lester, Mr Howell's parents are here" I looked up until our eyes met "will he be okay? Will Dan wake up?" She blinked but didn't say anything, that was too much, my shattered heart completely dissolved, he wasn't going to make it. Dan was going to die "can I... can I say good bye?" She nodded leaving the room and closing the door behind her. I rose to my feet, and I looked down to him trying to memorize his features. God! He was beautiful, I trailed my hand down his face, his soft face looked colorless without the blush that I was used to, his long eyelashes brushed his cheeks and his normally pink lips were almost white he looked lifeless and yet, he seemed to be the most beautiful person in this world. My tears were making both of our cheeks wet "I'm scared, I can't live without you, Dan" I whined hoping for him to listen "please Dan, I love you" And I did... I still do, I was just too coward to admit it. I looked down at his lips thinking about the fact that I wasn't able to kiss them never.

I can't remember the moment the doctor told me to left the room, though I can remember hugging Dan's parents and sobbing with them, I remember sitting against the door, treasuring every 'bip' coming from the machine with my ear pressed to the door, knowing that each one could be the last. I remember the silence, I can remember that clearly. I remember hugging his parents again when they left the room, I remember looking at Dan for one last time, his skin cold and his heart silent, he was gone. And a part of me left with him.

Whatsoever, that was years ago, the pain never left me, I don't think it ever will. But I've learned to look back at the past and smile at the memories. I'm still living in our flat, and in five years I haven't moved a single thing in his room. I don't really know why, maybe I am still hoping for him to come back, maybe I am just afraid to let go of that small piece I have of him. The first years were definitely the worst. Every morning was pure agony, I used to wake up and ate cereal all by myself, I didn't watch anime for almost two years, it was just too painful, and the same goes to my videos, I stopped making them when he died, I tried several times, but I would burst into tears every time I turned on the camera. I haven't dated anyone either, I guess he is still and will forever be the only one for me.

I used to talk to him, I would sit down in the gray couch and I would tell him about my day, about my problems, about how much I missed him and about how much I loved him.

I miss him, I have missed him every day for five long years and I am sure I'll miss him every day until we reunite. I don't know when or where will that happen, but I'm sure it will, and I will wait patiently until that day comes. I don't really care about the place we'll meet because if I'm with him, any place'll be much better than heaven. After all he was, he is and he will always be my angel, the brightest star in my sky, my soulmate, the love of my life.

[jilliancares]

The Three A's of College: Alcohol, Assumptions, and Avoidances

Summary: Dan loves a lot of things about college. The only thing he really doesn’t like is his horrible roommate. (And when his best friend accidentally outs him to said horrible roommate, it becomes Dan’s life mission to avoid him).

Word Count: 5.3k

TW: accidental outing, alcohol use

(Also there’s smut at the end)

I had a lot of fun writing this fic!! It’s been a while since I’ve had a good Avoidance Fic where someone (cough Dan cough) just totally assumes everything for the worst and takes things to the upmost level. 

A huge thank you to @crayolaphan for being a wonderful beta!! There’s nothing like not having to worry about any glaring mistakes in your fic :’D

And here’s a link to the amazing playlist @paperchrysanthemums made to accompany the fic!! I’ve been listening to it ever since they sent it to me and I’m all jittery with excitement because of it. It fits the fic perfectly and BAH! You’ll just have to listen to it my dudes!! Looking back now this fic seems incomplete without it :’]

(here’s a seperate link to the playlist on youtube if you’re tryna avoid those spotify ads)

Finally, thank you to our wonderful PBB admins for dealing with me and my monstrous amount of questions (this one’s mainly aimed at my dear @botanistlester)

Without further ado, please enjoy this fic! (And be sure to listen to the playlist as you do and send thanks to everyone!)

~~

Dan loved college. He loved almost everything about it, from the loud students traipsing past his dorms every day to the quiet ones studying in the middle of the night at the library. He loved his professors, loved the old ones that droned, whose classes constantly threatened to put Dan to sleep, and the young, energetic ones that spoke so fast Dan had trouble taking notes. He loved the parties and the students at the parties, the ones who were drunk out of their minds and slurring nonsensically and the quiet, sober ones along the walls, keeping careful watch over their careless friends. He loved the atmosphere, the air, the trees, the everything. Really, there was only one thing he didn’t love.

Phil Lester could probably be found under “asshole” in the dictionary. He seemed perfectly nice to other people, but to Dan he was always on his worst behavior, and so Dan was every bit as rude back. It’d started when they’d first met and had only escalated from there, had gotten to the point where they could hardly see each other without scrounging around in their heads for an insult they’d never used before. And, okay, maybe the start of their feud had been technically more Dan’s fault, but it wasn’t like he’d been trying to pick a fight or anything. He just happened to be curious!

Dan had walked into his dorm that first day and looked around. It’d been obvious that his roommate had already shown up and staked a claim. He’d snagged the bed closest to the door, his sheets spread over it and one of his bags tossed carelessly on top, though Dan didn’t mind—he liked being next to the window anyway. Their room hadn’t been too large, as no dorm room was, but they were lucky enough to have their very own bathroom.

Before Dan had come to school, when he’d first been assigned his roommate, they’d found each other on Facebook and exchanged a few words. Phil had seemed nice enough, had offered to bring in his Xbox when Dan said he’d be bringing his TV, and Dan had been sure they’d make fast friends. Boy, was he wrong.

Dan had taken his time setting up his stuff and making his bed, half-heartedly hoping that his roommate would return from wherever he’d disappeared to soon so that they could have proper introductions. He’d checked out the bathroom (small, cramped, with much too thin walls) and even started putting away his clothes. All of this had been, of course, before a quiet ding had echoed through the room. Immediately alert, Dan had stood and spun to face Phil’s pile of stuff—and yes, there, sitting atop his partially open bag was his cellphone.

Curiosity fueled Dan, and unable to help himself, not even really thinking about what he was doing, he crossed the room and picked up the device. All set? read the text at the top of the lock screen from some person named Martyn (with the sunglasses emoji beside his name). There were two texts below it, the first reading Hey you meet your roommate yet? and the second Stop ignoring me it’s gay. Dan’s eyes had widened and he’d swallowed uncomfortably.

Was that it? Phil was one of those people who might use gay as an insult? Or at least, his friend, this Martyn guy, did. And didn’t that suggest that Phil did too? Or at least didn’t mind it? Stupidly, Dan felt a little dizzy at that revelation. He was going to be living with this Phil guy. With a homophobe! Maybe he wasn’t actively one, sneering and snarling at every gay person he met, but enough of one to be mildly grossed out or at least unsettled to be in the presence of one, much less sharing a room with one.

Already, Dan was glad of his choice to stay in the closet at this college. In high school he’d let a few choice people know about his preferences, and somehow the news had spread, had become known and he’d become that gay kid, the one that stupid boys found enjoyment in picking on, for some reason. Was Phil like one of those boys?

Dan had tried to shake it off. It didn’t matter, anyway. No one at his school was going to find out about his sexuality, not after all he’d been through in high school. This was a new start for him, a new beginning, and he wasn’t going to fuck it up so royally before it even began. He’d just lay low, he’d make peace with his homophobic roommate and try not to appear like he was sickened just to be living with him.

“What are you doing?” someone had said suddenly from behind Dan, and he’d spun, his heart located somewhere up in his throat. He was still holding Phil’s phone. “Is that my phone?”

“Yes,” Dan had said. “Um, you got a text.”

“Okay,” the person, presumably Phil, had said slowly. “I don’t normally let people read my texts.”

“Right. Sorry,” Dan had managed, but already his blood had been boiling under his skin, and he’d felt his eyes lowering into a glare. Dan had left the room after that, trying to walk off his anger, but he just hadn't been able to shake it. When he’d seen Phil later that night, he’d snapped at him, and Phil had snapped back. Really, everything after that had been history.

It’d been months since then, and Dan had become quite comfortable in the schedule of his daily life. He woke up in the mornings, always before Phil, and quickly got ready for the day. If Phil was awake by the time he emerged from the shower, they usually glared at each other, too tired to exchange insults. After that Dan was quick to make his way out of the room. He spent as little time in it as possible, as seeing less of Phil Lester was, generally, better.

By the time he was done with classes, meals, and begging his best friend Casey to let him spend the night (and being rejected, most of the time), he made his way back to his dorm room. Phil was usually already there, and even if Dan had, at some point during the day, decided that he wasn’t going to antagonize Phil that day, it never really worked. Sometimes Dan started it, sometimes Phil did, but either way they ended up arguing and snipping at each other, picking at each other’s weaknesses and insecurities. Going to sleep was always a relief, if only because it was a brief respite from being in Phil’s presence.

“You ready, Dan?” Casey said now, glancing over her shoulder as she dug through her dresser. They hadn’t known each other before this year and had become fast friends, the kind that couldn’t believe they’d only been friends for as long as they had. Despite Dan’s internal promise to keep his sexuality a secret from everyone at this school, he couldn’t manage it with Casey. She seemed the type to be a life-long friend, and he didn’t want to make that kind of commitment with a homophobe. Luckily when he’d told her she’d responded likewise.

“Well, bi, actually,” she’d corrected. “Everyone at this school’s really accepting, you know,” she’d promised. “I’m out to everyone.”

“Oh really?” Dan had said in that faux interested way, as if he wanted to hear more but really whatever she said wasn’t going to change his mind. And it hadn’t.

Now, he said, “Yep,” to her inquiry. He was lounging on her bed, scrolling through twitter on his phone. “You’re the one who hasn’t been ready.”

“I’m just making sure you’re really wearing that.”

“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”

“I’m joking!” Casey laughed, tugging her shoe on with one hand as her other scrambled over her dresser for something. It was lipstick, and when she found it she uncapped it and applied it expertly with one hand. “Let’s go!”

There was a big party going on tonight, though not for any particular reason. There never really was a reason, other than the fact that they were at college and had booze. Dan didn’t go all the time, he didn’t party nearly as much as Casey, who could tell from a distance whether they should even even bother to cross the threshold of a house.

Luckily, this party actually did turn out to be good, in her opinion, at least. They’d had to leave campus in order to get to it; most of the good parties were, seeing as they lived on a dry campus, not that that stopped any of them anyway.

Casey tugged Dan through the party, shouting greetings to people and smiling at friends that Dan didn’t know. They made their way to the kitchen where they both managed to get a drink.

“Sure you can handle that?” said someone snidely in Dan’s ear. It surprised him, making him jump. He spun around, his heart pounding, and his stare morphed into a glare when he saw exactly who was talking to him.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dan snapped. Casey groaned. She insisted that their feud was idiotic and the result of two boys living in one room together without either having gotten laid in too long.

“I’ve never even had sex,” Dan had protested when she’d first introduced this theory.

“Exactly!” she’d exclaimed. “That’s way too long.”

“It means that you’re a lightweight,” Phil said with a shrug, nodding his head towards Dan’s drink. This was true, but Dan didn’t really get how Phil knew that. After this drink Dan would probably be feeling pretty tipsy, and after another two he’d be stupid the rest of the night.

“Says you,” Dan snapped, and Phil shrugged elegantly. It wasn’t fair that someone who was such an asshole could look so good, but then, nothing about Phil was fair, so maybe it made sense.

“Come on,” Casey insisted, pulling on Dan’s hand and urging him away from Phil, away from a fight.

“He’s such an asshole,” Dan grumbled.

“Yeah, yeah,” Casey said, appeasing him. “Just ignore him, alright?”

“Kind of hard to do when he comes up and talks to me,” Dan pointed out, but he went ignored.

The party was as fun as they always were, meaning it was loud and hot and Dan ended up drinking too much, as usual. To the point where he was considering standing closer to a bathroom, just in case.

“Think we should go soon,” Dan murmured into Casey’s ear some hours later, before leaning down to rest his head on his shoulder.

“You’re right. Dan, you’re so right,” she enthused, and then she was grabbing his hand and leading him out of the party. Dan hated falling asleep at them, as many others were wont to do. He hated waking up on an unfamiliar couch surrounded by unfamiliar people and feeling like he had to apologize everyone in the vicinity for anything stupid he might’ve done the night before.

“Phil’ll prob’ly sleep there,” Dan slurred as they walked back across campus, trying not to look anything but entirely sober to any onlookers. His arm was slung around Casey, because although she was significantly shorter than him and had consumed significantly more alcohol, he was having a much harder time walking in a straight line. “So you wanna sleep over?”

“If you were any other boy I’d say no,” Casey sighed, patting him on the chest. “But yes! And we can get iHop when we wake up.” Dan, who was still not entirely sure about the state of his dietary track, grimaced at the thought of ever consuming food.

“Sounds good,” Dan agreed regardless.

They continued to carefully make their way across campus, surprisingly succeeded in not stumbling all over the place. By the time they made it to his dorm, Dan was feeling pretty proud of himself.

He unlocked the door with his key and flung it open carelessly, stepping inside with Casey at his heels. And then he froze.

“Thought he wouldn’t be here,” he whispered aloud, more out of forgetfulness than how to think silently than anything else. Phil grimaced, his eyes sweeping over Dan and Casey alike.

“Sorry,” he said coldly, sitting atop the covers on his bed with a book in hand. “You two can’t have sex in here. Ever.”

Casey burst out laughing, and Phil regarded her with a raised eyebrow. Dan felt himself tense, a trickle of worry creeping up his spine.

“O-okay,” Casey giggled, pressing her hand to her mouth as noises of amusement continued to spill out of her. Her eyes were alight with mirth.

“Yeah, ha ha,” Dan joined in. “That’d be totally crazy ‘cause we’re just friends.”

“Pffft!” Casey exclaimed, and Dan was breathing quicker now, his pulse probably visible at the base of his throat. “Can’t be sure you’d be able to get it up for me either!” she laughed, reaching over to smack Dan amicably on the shoulder. Dan froze, his cheeks tinting red. Phil look interested. Dan felt entirely too drunk for this.

“You have… trouble... in bed?” Phil said, sounding delighted. Dan wanted to protest, but that would mean explaining why else he might have trouble “getting it up” for Casey.

Unfortunately, Casey went ahead and cleared it up for him.

“No!” she laughed, everything infinitely more amusing in her drunken state. Dan, on the other hand, was starting to feel sober. “He wouldn’t really be entertained by any girls in general.”

This finally cleared up one thing for Dan: he was feeling sick. Nausea swept through his stomach, making him wish he was leant over a toilet already. The look of understanding on Phil’s face only furthered Dan’s surety that he would throw up. He wasn’t even sure he was breathing.

“Come on,” Dan bit out, his face hot, as he grabbed Casey’s arm and dragged her out the door. He spared one last look for Phil, who’s mouth was open and eyes wide, before he slammed the door behind him and began marching down the hall.

Anger coursed through him as much as embarrassment did. He felt ashamed and weak, his biggest secret laid bare in front of Phil, his greatest rival. Phil would probably never let this go. He’d tease Dan about it and call him names and make him feel inadequate in every way. Oh God, he was never going to be able to go back there, to face Phil, ever again!

“I can’t believe you did that,” Dan hissed, stopping in the middle of the hall and turning to glare at Casey. She frowned, her eyes wide and already filling with tears.

“Did what?”

“Casey! You’re the only one who knows that I’m—” he lowered his voice, “gay. And you just told Phil! The one person who’s mean to me every single day!”

Casey’s mouth dropped open, and now tears really did spill from her eyes. “Oh. Oh my God Dan—I just, I don’t know what I was doing! I wasn’t thinking at all, I totally forgot. I’m so sorry!”

“Whatever,” Dan muttered. He walked Casey the rest of the way to her dorm, where she invited him to stay the night, which he refused. Instead, he walked around campus in the middle of the night, around and around and around. He was still walking long past the time he’d sobered up, the sun starting to peak over the horizon, the sky lightening in the distance.

He didn’t have any classes until noon but he could make do until then. He’d maybe do another lap or two of the campus before going to get breakfast. And by then the library would be open, where he could hide and possibly for the rest of the morning until class.

—

Operation: Avoid Phil at All Costs was going great. It’d been exactly six days and four hours since the great Moment of Outing and Dan had seen neither Phil nor Casey during that time, much to his own doing. He’d had a lot of time in the library, after all, and with free access to pencil and papers he’d been able to draw out a schedule for himself.

He’d drawn himself up an entire schedule for operating around this giant bump in the road. Thankfully he knew when Phil had his classes, due to having already lavished in the moments during which Phil hadn’t been present in their room before, so he knew at what times he’d be able to sneak in and out of his dorm. Sleeping in there was out of the question, obviously, so Dan had taken to simply not sleeping. He walked laps at night or sat on benches or under trees with his phone that he had to charge sparsely during the day. The moment the library was open, he stole inside of it and snuck into the dark recesses for naps.

After the third day of wearing the same clothes he’d finally put his knowledge of Phil’s classes into action, using an hour of Phil being out of the dorm to sneak in, shower, and change. He’d already gone ahead and bought himself a toothbrush that he’d been using in a starbucks bathroom.

The more time Dan spent avoiding his dorm, the easier it got. For example, Dan realized that the librarians didn’t exactly do the best job locking up, meaning he could unlock a window during the day and crawl back into the building through it during the night. This was a great discovery for him, meaning he no longer had to walk and loiter for hours and hours and could just curl up on a blush beanbag and sleep through the night.

Still, avoiding Casey had been essential as well. Mainly because he was annoyed with her to the ends of the earth and had no desire to see her face anytime soon. She still texted him a lot though, apologizing and asking him to please come see her, all of which he ignored. Once she’d caught sight of him across a courtyard and had gave chase. Dan had only managed to escape through use of the library, a building that he now knew the layout of so well he could draw it in his sleep.

It wasn’t until the seventh day of Operation: Avoid Phil at All Costs that something finally went wrong. He strolled into his dorm during Phil’s Intro to Psychology class and froze, spotting Phil sitting in his desk chair, staring straight at the door.

Phil was looking at him. Dan was standing completely still, almost as if by not moving Phil wouldn’t be able to see him.

“Dan,” Phil said. Dan turned around and started sprinting.

He only made it three steps out the door, because Phil had leapt out of the chair after him. He wrapped his arms around Dan’s torso and pulled him kicking and screaming back into their dorm, slamming the door shut behind them. Dan felt inclined to wonder why the fuck no one else on their hall had thought to question his screams even a little bit, just enough to crack open their door and see who exactly was about to get murdered.

“Stop… struggling!” Phil grunted, still maintaining hold on Dan.

“Let go of me!” Dan rebutted. He was expecting to get thrown to the ground and kicked at any moment and any form of escape was optimal, really.

“Only if you don’t run away.”

“Fine!”

Phil let go of him and Dan shot out of his arms, leaning against the wall and panting. He glared at Phil. “I thought you had Psych right now.”

“I do,” Phil said simply.

“You’re skipping class?”

“You’re avoiding me.”

“Well yeah!” Dan exclaimed. “We hate each other. I avoid you, sometimes.” I’m gay and you’re homophobic.

“You haven’t slept in your bed in a week!”

Dan swallowed, looking away from Phil. He just wanted to get out of here already. “Look. What do you want?”

“I want you to stop being weird,” Phil muttered.

Dan flinched, his face flaring red. Phil scoffed.

“And I want you to stop thinking I’m homophobic, for some reason! I don’t care that you’re gay! Nobody would care!”

“But I—but you…”

“What?”

Dan turned his head, glaring in the direction of his bed. He did miss it. His back had been hurting the past two days from sleeping on that beanbag. “Whatever.”

“So we’re good?” Phil said tentatively.

“When have we ever been good?” Dan scoffed. Except… he wasn’t really panicking, anymore. And that was good. Maybe Phil really wasn’t homophobic. He thought back to the beginning of the year, to the text he’d seen on Phil’s phone, and wondered if that’d been a fluke. Or if it’d been a douche friend. Or if it’d been a gay guy, really. Dan called things gay all the time, but only because he could. It wasn’t offensive when he did it, seeing as he was gay.

“You’ll stop avoiding me like the plague at least?” Phil said. His arms were crossed, his eyes concentrated on Dan. Instead of answering him, Dan crossed the room and plopped onto his bed, letting out a groan. He was asleep in less than a minute.

—

Phil was staring at him.

He was doing it a lot, actually. Half the time they were in the room together Dan would catch Phil staring at him, out of the corner of his eye if not outright. He wanted to bitch at him to stop staring at him so often but was afraid of what Phil would do. What if he just turned around and starting being a dick to Dan for being gay? Even though he hadn’t even hinted towards doing that once, and seemed to have perfectly good morals in that sense…

They still argued all the time. They insulted each other often and glared and fought over the other taking too long in the shower. But also, if it was at all possible, they were getting along more. They weren’t arguing all the time, anyway. Sometimes when Dan snorted at something he’d seen on the internet, Phil would hum questioningly, and Dan would hand over his laptop to show him the meme. Sometimes Phil, surprisingly, brought him a burrito from Taco Bell for dinner. Sometimes they said good morning when they woke up and sometimes Dan asked Phil if he needed anything washed because he had extra room in his laundry.

And sometimes Dan wanted to rip Phil’s head off because he was fucking staring at him again. Dan had stopped avoiding the dorm so much, and so had Phil, ever since their big confrontation. So often times they were both in there, doing their own things. Dan would be writing an essay as Phil studied and Phil, for some unknown reason, would decide that staring at Dan was a better pastime.

Dan couldn’t figure out what it meant. Was he seeing him differently, now that he knew Dan was gay? Trying to see if he looked gay, perhaps?

So Dan tried to ignore it. He didn’t draw attention to the fact that he knew Phil was doing it, and whenever he was alone he basked in the attention he didn’t have from Phil.

Like now, for example. Very much basking in his aloneness. Under the blankets. With his pants kicked down to the end of the bed.

His eyes fluttered shut as he ran his hand over his cock. He hadn’t really had any time to do this recently, what with his week of avoiding Phil and his subsequent kind of truce with him. Time when he was alone in the room was rare and so he was using it to his advantage.

It was hot under the blankets and so he kicked them to the end of the bed, stretching out and tilting his head back as he worked over himself. His breathing was loud in his ears as he began to play with the head, his thumb and forefinger working against the sensitive tip. The muscles in his stomach and thighs clenched sporadically as he did this, his other hand digging into his own hipbones, pretending it was someone else.

“Um.”

Dan gasped, his eyes flying open in a panic as he saw Phil standing in the doorway. He had his blankets pulled over his waist, and then his head, in two seconds flat. He curled into a ball, his own breathing and heartbeat loud all around him, and had to resist the urge to scream.

“Oh my God,” he said finally. He would never live this down. “Oh my God. I’m so sorry I just—fuck. I thought you were at Psych?”

“I was skipping,” Phil answered, his voice higher pitched than usual.

“I think I’m just gonna kill myself now,” Dan said from under the blanket. He was still hard. He wanted death.

“I mean, it’s not really a big deal,” Phil answered. “We all do it, you know? I mean, hell, you could keep doing it.”

“I—what?” If Dan’s head had been out of the blanket he would’ve seen Phil swallow nervously. Would’ve seen him adjust himself, already hard in his jeans.

“I was just saying, like. It wouldn’t be a big deal, you know?”

“Me masturbating with you in the room wouldn’t be a big deal,” Dan said flatly.

“Yeah.”

Dan thought about it for approximately three seconds. “Nope,” he decided. “No, yeah, it’s weird. That’s weird.”

“Guys, like, masturbate together all the time.”

“Straight guys?”

“Um…”

“Because that sounds pretty gay to me. And I’m gay. I would know.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

“So are you going to?”

“Going to what?”

“Keep… masturbating.”

Dan was staring at his blankets incredulously, trying to make his expression transport itself through the solid material so Phil could see it. And then, a stupid, impossible thought formed at the back of his mind. And that thought coupled itself to all the staring Phil had been doing lately. And then that thought became not only a thought, but a thing that Dan was actually saying. “Do you want me to?”

There was a long pause. And then Phil cleared his throat. And then… “Maybe?”

Dan thought about it. His mind did a kind of mental checklist of the fact that Phil was hot, and could be actually very sweet when he wasn’t being an ass, and that he made Dan laugh sometimes. And then his cock throbbed, reminding him that he was horny, which was pretty much a decision maker for him.

“Fine. I will,” he said. He thought he heard Phil breath a shaky sigh of relief. “If you do it too.”

He expected Phil to say something. Maybe ‘what!’ or ‘‘never mind’ or ‘that’s kind of gay’. What he didn’t expect was to hear the sound of jeans unzipping. And then his bed sinking with Phil’s weight.

“Um. Are you gonna stay under there?” Phil asked.

Dan was still kind of trying to comprehend the fact that Phil was about to masturbate with him. And he also kind of wanted it to be happening right now immediately and so he scrambled out of the blankets, kicking them to the bottom of the bed and trying to ignore the fact that his hair was probably now going in every which direction.

Phil was also pantsless, thankfully, and his face was just as red as Dan’s. His hand was already on his cock—also a good sign—and he was staring at Dan openmouthed. Dan stayed where he was now sitting, put his hand back on his cock, and stroked.

Phil imitated him, and then they were both staring at each other, eyes darting from one another’s faces to their cocks, hands moving over them quickly. Dan bucked into his own fist as he watched Phil, and Phil made a low moan in the back of his throat, which made heat rush up Dan’s chest.

Feeling slightly embarrassed but mostly just turned on, Dan pulled off his own shirt, making himself completely naked before Phil, who moaned again, eyes now roving all over Dan’s bare chest. It took him a couple more strokes of his own cock to rid himself of his shirt as well. And then he was blinking up at Dan, asking, “Can I touch you?”

“Y-yeah,” Dan said, eyes wide and head nodding as he spoke. He let go of himself immediately, sitting back as Phil slid onto his knees, crawling closer to Dan. He spared a moment to touch Dan in other places, his cheek, his chest, his thigh… and then he was wrapping his hand around Dan’s cock.

Dan gasped, hand coming up to grip Phil’s shoulder immediately, unable to help the way he’d jerked into Phil’s fist at the first touch. Phil smirked at him, looking more like the Phil he was used to, cocky and arrogant. He twisted his hand over Dan, his eyes eating him up alive, taking in each and every one of his little reactions. Dan’s lips were wet, from licking over them so much, because otherwise they’d go dry as he was panting so loudly.

“Has no one ever touched you before?” Phil guessed, his smile wicked and excited and bright. Dan swallowed.

“I—um, how’d you guess?”

Phil flicked his thumb over Dan’s slit again and he whimpered, his fingers digging tighter into his shoulder.

“Just a hunch.”

“Fuck,” Dan whispered, pressing closer to him. All at once Phil was pressing closer to him, too, pushing him down on the bed and hovering over him, their arousals lined up, just barely, barely almost touching.

“You’re so hot,” Phil breathed.

“I never even knew you were gay,” Dan panted, his brain kind of turned to mush at this point.

“Bi, actually,” Phil corrected. And then he leaned down and kissed Dan, soft and slow and sweet. And then he grinded down against him, making Dan gasp, arching into him, and Phil was kissing him deeper.

Dan could barely do anything underneath him, which Phil seemed to be okay with, anyway. He thrusted against him strongly, easily, pressing Dan into the bed and stroking his sweaty torso occasionally. At one point he reached up and pinched Dan’s nipple, making him shudder underneath him. At another point he sucked on Dan’s collarbones, his tongue darting against apparently sensitive skin, and Dan shivered all over.

“Phil,” he panted, writhing and squirming underneath him. “I’m close.”

“Mm,” Phil murmured, moving to nuzzle against his ear. He breathed hotly against it, his tongue flicking against the shell of it. “Good,” he said lowly. And then Dan was coming, shuddering underneath him as he came, clinging to Phil and moaning, his cock twitching against Phil’s.

Phil kept grinding against him after, Dan’s cock immediately sensitive.

“Fuck,” Dan gasped, squirming beneath him, the feeling, the friction too much—

Phil moaned in his ear, jerking against him, and Dan held him tight, the both of them panting against one another. Phil kissed him when it was over, hummed contently, and rolled over and pulled Dan into his side. They were sticky and gross but it was still nice.

“Mmm,” Phil murmured against the back of his neck. Dan sighed, content. “It’s your turn to do dishes tonight.”

Dan stiffened in his arms. “I did the dishes last time.”

“But I did them two times before that.”

“I wasn’t even using the dishes then! I was avoiding you!”

“Even still,” Phil said, and then he was laughing, his breath spilling across Dan’s neck in a way that might turn him on again if they weren’t careful.

“Fine,” Phil finally said. “We can do them together.”

“I’m not doing them at all!” Dan protested, but Phil rolled them over, pinned him to the mattress, and grinned in his face.

“We’ll do them together,” Phil said, and Dan groaned. “And then fuck over the counter.”

Dan blinked. Once. Twice. He cleared his throat.

“Deal.”

[kae-karo]

The Phanfic Game

The Phanfic Game (let me apologize now for the heavy amount of cringe in this one, but it was just staring at me in my drafts and I had to get rid of it)

6.7k word count

Summary:  "We used to play it just for fun, poker meets party games meets our weird followers, but several years ago, we’d played and things had gone a bit farther than we meant them to. So we stopped. And never spoke of it again."

Dan POV

I plopped down on the couch next to Phil, glass of wine in hand, and ended up tipping the bowl of popcorn precariously. Phil noticed, fortunately, and snagged it at the last second.

“Hey, y’know what we haven’t played in ages?” I prompted, taking a sip of wine. I’d had more to drink than usual, and was definitely feeling it - my inhibitions were out the window completely by the time the idea had popped into my head.

Phil lowered the volume on the movie we’d sat down to watch. “Mario Kart?” he asked, turning toward me and setting the popcorn back down between us.

“Well, yeah, I guess technically that, too. But no, the Phanfic game!” I announced, hoping my face was too red from the wine for Phil to notice the blush I felt creeping up my cheeks. The Phanfic game - we used to play it just for fun, poker meets party games meets our weird followers, but several years ago, we’d played and things had gone a bit farther than we meant them to. So we stopped. And never spoke of it again.

Phil’s eyes went wide for a moment, but he quickly schooled his face into a more neutral expression as he considered the proposal. “Yeah, you’re right,” he said, finally, and I was hanging on his words. No reason, really, I lied to myself, I’m sure nothing will happen like it did last time. I could feel the fluttering in my chest, though, as I waited for a verdict.

When Phil didn’t answer immediately, I felt compelled to say something. “Well?” I asked, poking his arm with my free hand. Taking a sip of wine, I waited again.

“Well, what?” Phil retorted, raising his eyebrows again. Were his cheeks flushed, too? Or am I imagining things?

“Well, are you afraid to lose, then?” I threw back, hoping to hook him.

“If I recall correctly, Daniel, I was the reigning champion of the Phanfic game,” a wicked grin crossed his face, and I couldn’t help but mirror it.

“Oh, you are so on,” I laughed, setting my glass down to grab my laptop from the coffee table. Phil did the same, bowl of popcorn now sitting where his macbook had been. “You remember the rules, right? Five minutes to find five short fics, jot them down, then we pick our fics from those at random.” I spouted the rules from memory, which was fairly simple when you spent a lot of time thinking about the game. And the aftermath.

“No Hat Fic!” Phil announced, and I couldn’t tell if it was fear or humor sparkling in his eyes, but I suddenly felt the urge to get lost in them. Maybe I’ll get the chance...Nope, I pulled myself out of that line of thought as quickly as possible.

“You ready?” I said, setting my phone timer. “And...go!” I pulled up some of my favorite sites, scrolled through Tumblr and the Phan tag, and had a short list within three minutes. It does help when you spend quite a lot of time lost in these imaginary Phandom worlds...I smiled to myself, fairly satisfied with my list.

Phil looked deep in concentration. He used to look like that, too, when we played before. I thought to myself, spending my remaining time admiring his features, the way he pursed his lips as his eyes scanned the screen. The alarm startled me out of my reverie, and Phil smiled ferociously at me. What on earth did he pick? I was extremely curious, now, as we jotted down the fics on the spare napkins on the table and mixed them around.

Shit, I’ve pulled two that I’ve never heard of before...I used to feel like a master of the game because I’d almost always heard of the fic before, or at least had some general idea of the premise. Phil had usually gotten lucky, or I’d let him win.

Phil looked over his picks then smiled up at me. “Oh, this is going to be good,” he laughed, and I was suddenly far more nervous than a simple game warranted.

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Phil POV

I’d pulled a few of my own picks, which was great, since I knew what they were about, but two of them were not mine. I couldn’t help but laugh at the ones Dan had chosen, they made my strategy far simpler. Or, at least, I thought they would.

“I propose an extra layer of challenge,” Dan announced, reflecting my own wicked smile back at me. “Instead of playing to our advantages, we have to pick each other’s fics for the rounds.” I scanned over my own choices in a panic, wondering if any of them would derail me completely. “Unless you’re scared,” Dan taunted, and I looked up in surprise. Dan is definitely drunk, I decided. Which will only make my job easier, I chuckled, then nodded. Then shook my head, realizing what he’d asked.

“I’m not afraid of you, Danny boy, you know I rock this game.” In truth, it had been years since we’d played - the final round that night had left things a bit awkward between us, and we hadn’t brought it up since. The game itself was always fun, but we’d gotten a bit too...well, neither of us was in our right minds. At least, Dan surely wasn’t.

“Alright, then, Round One,” Dan announced, and it sounded suspiciously like his “Dan vs Phil” voice.

“Wait!” I jumped up from the couch, running to the office to grab a pen and paper. Dan was watching me quizzically as I returned. “For keeping score,” I said, wiggling the paper at him by way of explanation. When I’d settled on the couch again, tossing a handful of popcorn in my mouth along the way, Dan held up his pile of fic napkins.

“Go on, then” he prompted, so I pulled one out and read out the title. Hah, one of mine! This’ll be good. He repeated the process for me, and I couldn’t help the triumphant smile that spread across my face. Dan started the timer again, setting it at five minutes, and we dove in.

He pulled up his fic, scanning through it, and I did the same. As my eyes scrolled the screen, I kept count on my fingers. Yes, I buy him a box of maltesers, and - oh! Here, existential crisis, perfect. Wait, does that count as wearing all black? I muddled through the fic for a few moments, focusing on the “on brand” features and hoping to get all five against Dan - maltesers, existential crises, all black attire, dimples, and some wild card that I could assign. I ran through it again, cursing silently. I can use the llama thing as my wild card, but no dimples! Shit…

The ringing of the alarm interrupted my thoughts, and I looked up. To see a very smug Dan sitting across from me.

“Lions, bright clothes, blue eyes, tongue poking out when you laugh, and your love of animals as my wild card.” Dan grinned and flourished a hand in my direction. “Your turn!” I grumbled through my list, adding that there was no mention of dimples, which caused him to toss a victory punch in the air and reach for his wine.

“Alright, alright, you win that round, but you’ve not yet won the war!” I said, attempting to show some confidence. Dan took a sip - was the glass already half-empty? - as he watched me place a mark under his column. We pulled out our fic napkins again, the already-used ones getting tossed aside onto the table.

“Round Two!” Dan announced, and I let him pick my fic first.

--------------------------------------------

Dan POV

I tried not to do a completely embarrassing victory dance at my win, but I wiggled in my seat anyway, and punched a fist into the air. Feeling heady on confidence, I went for a sip of wine.

“Round Two!” I nearly shouted, waving my hand over the napkins as Phil lifted his fics for me to select. I made a show of picking one, then tossing it lightly at him. It fluttered around before he grabbed it, and I gave him a cheeky smirk.

“Quit acting so smug!” Phil said, frowning, but I could see the amusement in his eyes as he pulled one for me. “Okay, the two-truths-and-a-lie round, right? So we each come up with three things, two actually happen in the fic and the other is just random.”

I nodded, eyes focused on the screen as I pulled up my fic. I didn’t glance at it once it was up, but I wished I had. Instead, I opted to look up and add to his statement about the rules. “Right, and the goal is to get me to guess wrong.” I got the timer ready, and hit the start button when Phil nodded.

Then I noticed one of the tags in my fic.

“Fucking hell, Phil!” It was one of Phil’s choices, and one of us died in it. That was a risky move, when he could’ve been the one to pick it...I paused the timer, and Phil just stared at me as I crinkled my eyebrows at him. Then he smiled. Wide.

“You got the one! The one where one of us dies!” He laughed and I went red in the face - not from the wine, this time. I threw my hands in the air, exasperated at this development.

“Alright, alright, go on, then. What’s my handicap?” I said, hands now covering my face and muffling my words.

Phil hummed, taking an irritatingly long time to decide. “Aha!” he said, finger in the air like Sherlock Holmes. Before I could ask, he hopped off the sofa and disappeared down the hall to our rooms. And returned with one of his ties.

“This is the best I have, but - wait, no, stand up, turn around,” he instructed, walking over to me. I stood, a bit wobbly from the wine, and turned around.

“That’s not how I like anything to start,” I joked, pulling a line from an old PINOF. Phil chuckled at the reference, and the corner of my mouth tugged up wryly. Until the tie wrapped tightly around my wrists and trapped my arms behind my back.

“No, Phil! You can’t be serious, how am I supposed to even scroll or anything! I have to be able to read the fic to play the game!” I protested, wiggling my arms and hands behind me as he tied a final knot.

“You’ll figure it out, I’m sure,” he said, voice laden with the smirk I couldn’t see. “Not too tight, right?” He asked, and the smugness softened a bit. I wiggled again, shooting a death glare over my shoulder, but nodded anyway.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” I grumbled, returning awkwardly to my spot. I stared at my laptop for a full ten seconds before Phil actually burst out laughing.

“I’m so sorry, it was such a good handicap!” He was lost in a fit of giggles, despite the return of my death glare, and I struggled to change my position to something that might work. It had been a while, but I had done a pretty decent job of playing Xbox with my feet.

Phil’s giggles returned to full-force laughter at my new position, hands trapped behind me and one leg stuck up so I could press the keys with my toe. My face flushed again at the hilariously humiliating situation.

“Phil,” I whined - I knew I was being whiny, and he couldn’t say no when I was whiny - “it’s gonna take me like five full minutes just to find the fic, that’s not fair at all,” I kept the tone, pulling out my puppy-dog eyes.

As expected, Phil relented. “Fine, fine, you have one freebie that you can use, where I’ll find the fic for you, but otherwise, you’re on your own!” I flashed him a smile. Handicap or not, I was going to win this. Probably. Maybe.

Phil took my phone and started the timer, and I dove into the fic. Something about...oh man, that doesn’t sound like something I’d do in real life, that’ll be one of the truths. I skimmed across the lines, searching for some weird words that might throw Phil’s guessing. As I hit the bottom of the screen, I gingerly tapped my toe on the down arrow, and it jumped a few lines. Grunting at the uncomfortable position, I read on. Maybe...oh, I say “I love you” in this one, like twelve times, that’ll be another, I kept my eyes scanning across the screen but let my mind wander, trying to come up with a lie.

The alarm jolted me from my thoughts, and Phil looked up at the same time I did. He gestured to me, indicating I should start, so I rattled off both truthful situations and slipped my lie in the middle. The fic wasn’t all that smutty, but I figured I’d throw something in there that toed the line. I’m at a serious disadvantage, he picked this fic - I guess I just have to hope he didn’t read it fully. I held a steady expression as he guessed.

“Hmmm...I’m thinking the sex is fake. I don’t recall seeing a smut tag,” he smiled, and I sneered at him. And hoped the facial expression would hide the blood rushing to my cheeks. Why’d I have to come up with a sexual one? He probably thinks my mind is in the gutter now...not that it isn’t, but still...

“That’s hardly fair, you already knew exactly which one I had,” I grumbled, then listened as he rattled off his three statements. My sneer-turned-frown became a triumphant smile. Looks like he’s got one of the ones I picked, as well. I recognized one of the events, which was very specific. The others I didn’t, but I could’ve sworn there was something about us making out in the rain, so I opted for the other. “The fake one is the bondage one,” I concluded, snorting a bit at the irony of the comment, given the way I was currently restrained.

“Ooh, not quite!” Phil smiled, and I dropped my jaw. Not only had he put me at a disadvantage for the rest of the game, but he’d just won a round as well. This took a shit turn. “But, but-” I sputtered, “no! I definitely don’t remember bondage!” I tried, hoping to win on a technicality or something.

“Well you clearly didn’t read far enough, then,” Phil smiled, turning his screen around to show me. Fucking hell...I read a few lines before turning from the screen. Do not get turned on by that, not now, we’re kind of having fun, I don’t want it to get weird again…

“Whatever,” I mumbled, trying to will away the growing problem in my sweatpants. And I picked the worst clothes to wear while playing, of course… “Let’s get on to round three, then,” I said, trying to divert his attention. He added a tally to his column before pulling one of my fics at random. He didn’t look, but laid it out in front of me. Okay, this is one of my favorites, perfect, I nodded, trying not to get too cocky. Shit, I cursed internally as my own cock twitched.

Phil held up his napkins, and I indicated the farthest to my left. Phil mirrored my nod, evidently pleased with the selection, and pulled up the fic. I stared at my screen, scrunching up my face.

“Phil, come on, you have to let me go so I can pull it up!” I complained, and Phil just laughed and stood.

“Ready to use your freebie so quickly?” He taunted, and I thought for a moment before shaking my head. “How about I go get you some more wine, and a straw,” he chuckled, I frowned, “and I want some Ribena, so I’ll let you work on finding that fic,” he turned from me, but I glared daggers at his back until I couldn’t see him. Then I kept staring. “Hope you’ve got it up, I’m almost done!” Phil called, and I’d have flipped him off if I could move my hands.

It took some maneuvering, but I managed to get a rhythm of typing with my foot that was moderately bearable. By the time Phil had returned, I had at least gotten to the search page and was almost finished typing the title. He held the straw up to my lips, and I sipped exaggeratedly as he laughed at me before focusing on my task. Phil dropped heavily to the sofa, jostling me and the laptop.

“Phil,” I groaned, “do you ever want me to find this stupid fic?” I complained, typing the last few letters and managing to pull up it up. “Alright, okay, I think I’m ready,” I readjusted myself, glad to feel that the pressure in my pants had lessened. “Do you want to go first? We each get, what, five tries?”

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Phil POV

“Yeah, five, and the person who guesses the most tags wins.” I’d already taken a few sips of my Ribena in the time it took Dan to finish searching - really, that was a masterful handicap, and fuck if it wasn’t sexy- Abort, abort, I tried to pull my mind back to the situation at hand. “I’m going to go basic, how about...Phan?” I knew what his reaction would be, but I wanted to see if I could get away with it.

“No, no, not allowed,” Dan gave me a look.

“Alright, alright, I know, I was just testing. No ‘smut’ or ‘fluff’ either, right?” I was just fishing for time, trying to come up with a generic tag that wasn’t against the rules. When Dan nodded, I allowed myself another few moments to think, then decided on a course of action. “Happy ending!” I tried. That’s still pretty vague, but there are enough fics out there where one of us dies that it should still count, I reasoned.

“Fucking hell, fine, you get that one,” Dan paused for a minute, reading over the tags on his own fic, before making a decision. “Friends to lovers.” I groaned. That one covered half the fics out there, including mine.

“One to one, it seems,” I paused again. What’s broad but not too general? My thoughts went straight to the gutter. Though, really, they’d never left. I can’t have the second thing I say be sexual, that’ll just make things weird again, but I have no idea what else to say? Oh! “Pastel Dan,” I tried, since our viewers seemed to love the idea of him being soft. It’s not a bad look on him…

Dan grinned back at me. “Nope!” I crossed my arms, trying to look frustrated, but it wasn’t very successful. He’s just too cute, how can I even pretend to be annoyed? Instead, I took a sip of my Ribena as Dan made his next decision. “My turn - anal.” I almost choked, and ended up coughing and sputtering as Dan’s face turned a shade of red to match his wine. Then he was sputtering - “I mean, it’s not smut, it’s more specific, and you said it was friends to lovers, and…” he trailed off, biting his lip, and it took everything I had not to jump him right then and give his lips something else to bite. Where the hell did that come from? I shook my head, mostly to clear it. Focus.

“Ugh, no! That’s one of the tags, come on!” I almost shouted, trying to push past the awkward moment. “Alright, no more funny business. Bondage.” I announced my guess, and the Dan’s jaw dropped. “Was that one?” I asked, keeping my fingers crossed. I needed a win. Dan kept staring. “Well?” I prompted, and he finally shut his mouth, eyes finally leaving my face to scan the screen.

“Hah!” He chuckled, but he looked a bit nervous. “Nope, not one of them.”

“You’re lying!” I challenged, honing in on how shifty he seemed all of a sudden.

“No, I’m not, I swear!” he let out a breathy chuckle, and I gave him a sideways glance.

“Alright, fine, but quit acting so nervous then,” I gestured toward him to take his turn.

“I’m not-” he cut himself off, “Okay. My guess is….” he drew the ‘s’ out, scanning his own screen fervently, “2012.” He didn’t meet my gaze.

“How are you so good at this?” I grumbled, but my heart wasn’t in it. 2012 happened to be the last time we’d played the game, and everyone knew something happened back then. We didn’t talk about it, but almost every fic author out there had given their spin on our falling out. “It’s, what, three to one, and you’re winning? And we each get two more shots?” Dan nodded, and I was suddenly desperate to lighten the mood. “Well, I’m screwed, then, aren’t I?” I chuckled, hoping to get at least a smile from Dan, but to no avail. “I’ll give it a shot,” I thought for a moment, then tried a different route. “Is it a high school AU?”

“It is not!” Dan smiled - it was mostly a smirk, but it was worth throwing the round. “Which means I won the round and am currently in the lead, Philip Lester!” I made some attempt at looking disappointed, but I wasn’t really upset. When Dan smiled lately, it was always genuine. I went to add another mark to his column.

“Fine, fine! You won that one, but there are still two more rounds, and I am taking you down!” I emphasized, poking a finger in his chest and laughing when he couldn’t retaliate. Until he shoved a foot into my face and I almost fell off the sofa trying to avoid it.

“Handicap, my ass!” Dan was smiling again, and I was once again feigning annoyance. “Come on, bring on round four!”

-------------------------------------------

Dan POV

“The never-have-I-ever round,” Phil hadn’t seemed too upset when I brought up 2012, so I tried to move past it as well. Maybe he forgot about it...the thought hurt my heart, though. Could he have forgotten? I certainly haven’t…

“Right, so we ‘adopt’ our personas in the fic, and we have to try to guess three things the other’s fictional version has done. You can go first,” Phil filled the gap of silence I’d left open, and reached over to toss me one of my two remaining fic napkins. I poked one of his with a toe before trying to pull up the mercifully short-titled fic on my laptop.

I gave Phil a moment to scan over his own fic - I’d read mine already, very recently, in fact. “Ready?” Phil looked up and nodded, so I threw out a fairly generic one about making out with me. This is where it crosses into dangerous territory, I let my head wander as Phil skimmed the screen to see if his fictional persona had made out with the fic-Dan - usually he has - and I tried to remember what his lips had felt like on mine. It was a very long time ago, though, and Phil answered before I managed to think back that far.

“Yeah, okay, strike one on me,” Phil nodded, as though he’d expected it. When he looked back up from the screen, I realized I was staring. His fringe had fallen across his eyes, just a bit, and I wanted to reach out and fix it. Which I couldn’t do. And shouldn’t do. I dropped my gaze, waiting for Phil’s guess. “You have definitely fantasized about me, naked,” Phil smirked, but his cheeks were flushed - were they? Am I making that up? For a moment, I forgot about the game and the wine took over, pouring delicious images of Phil into my head.

Until he waved a hand in front of my face. Then I was the one turning red, eyes trying desperately to focus on the fic in front of me. I paged down a bit, reading slowly in case I missed something.

“Nope! Better be careful, Philly, I’m very good at this,” I smiled, and he laughed. “I think you - uh, Phil has pushed my hair out of my eyes,” the amendment, the reminder that it wasn’t the real Phil, felt very necessary - I was not in the best position to be imagining Phil and I that close. Covering a hard-on at the moment was almost impossible, but I pulled a leg up toward my chest, just in case.

“Aw, no, another one? This is so unfair!” I had read so many fics at this point, it was easy to guess what fictional Phil would’ve done. I smirked at him, though, trying to keep his attention on the upper half of my body. “I’ve got it,” Phil said, scanning through his own fic again before meeting my gaze. “Dan, you fell in love with me.” I inhaled sharply, dropping my gaze.

You know that isn’t what he meant, breathe, he doesn’t know, just focus on the game, the rational piece of my mind chimed in, and I exhaled the breath I’d been holding as I read through the fic, searching for that one terrifying word. But I knew I’d find it. I always fall for him. After identifying the offending word, I scrunched my nose up and gave Phil a look.

“You got that one, I suppose,” I conceded - I was still ahead. One more correct guess and I’d win, not just this round, but the entire game. I hummed for a moment, trying to decide on the nature of the fic Phil had. “Oh! You definitely wear your glasses at some point.” Phil with glasses was a fan favorite, and much safer territory than love and sex.

“Ooh, sorry Danny boy!” Phil was the one doing a victory dance, though he hadn’t yet won, and I leaned back slightly. It was very challenging to look annoyed with hands tied behind my back. “Okay, okay, you bottom,” I was suddenly glad for my relaxed position, because sitting up gave me an excuse to pull both my knees toward my chest. This fic absolutely had me bottoming, which was a fantasy I’d lived out in my head and via phanfiction more times than I could count. And I was not about to let Phil see just how much I enjoyed that concept.

“Oh, come on, I - er, fictional Dan always bottoms! That doesn’t count,” I grumbled, but I couldn’t win the argument - and Phil knew it. He smiled at me, eyes flashing with excitement, and I swore I could see a glint of something...more. Dan, you’re making things up again, it’s the wine talking. I rushed to come up with another situation, anything that would get me the win before Phil said something else I couldn’t hide from. “You, uh,” my fantasies wouldn’t let me alone, and I ended up spitting out the first thing that came to mind, “you suck me off,” I would’ve gone to cover my mouth, but I was a bit tied up.

I raised my gaze hesitantly, only to find Phil scanning his laptop screen. Well, I must look like a right tomato at this point. At least some of the blood is going somewhere other than my dick. When he looked up, I almost dropped my eyes, but he seemed to not have noticed the way I was reacting.

“Hah! Nope!” He was ecstatic, and I was starting to wonder if I might lose this round after all.

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Phil POV

Dan was blushing like crazy. I couldn’t tell if it was the wine, the suggestive topics, or something else altogether, but it was adorable. And I couldn’t help myself - I made an effort to shock him with my guesses, to watch his gaze drop shyly. I ended up shocking myself when I actually got a few of them right.

“Third time’s the charm!” I tacked a laugh onto the end, brainstorming my next attack. “How about...oh! That’s it,” I smiled, “you moan my name when you cum.” I said it quietly, then let it sit in silence, watching Dan’s reaction. I wasn’t immune, though - I might’ve been blushing myself, though I could feel that the majority of my blood was headed elsewhere. I held Dan’s wide gaze - he looked like a deer in headlights - until he broke it to read through the fic.

And collapsed back against the cushion of the sofa. “How on earth did you get three in a row?” He whined, and I laughed at his dramatic reaction.

“I guess things have taken a turn! You shouldn’t mess with the master!” I joked, making another mark in my column. “Two to two, looks like this is the death match!” I had already moved on, past my winning guess, but Dan was still acting a bit uncomfortable. “If you want to keep playing, that is,” I amended. Things had gotten...well, we’d gotten carried away during the final round all those years ago. “I understand if you want to call it a draw, and we can go back to watching the movie,” I noticed how much my voice had softened.

The truth was, I had been beyond ecstatic when things went the way they did back then. Dan had pretended it never happened, and I didn’t want to hurt him, so I let it go. We were a little broken for a while, but we’d come back together as best friends, and I wasn’t going to try to push him into a situation he might regret again.

“No, let’s do this. I can’t have you thinking you’re still the champion! Bring on truth or dare,” Dan grinned, sitting back up and attempting to type in his last fic. While I loved watching him struggle, I rolled my eyes and pulled the fic up for him.

“You never used your freebie, so I’ll do it for you. Besides, you’re about to be crushed,” we both laughed, and I sat back to pull up my final fic. “Okay, so truth or dare based on things in the fic, and if you won’t do it, you automatically lose the round.” Dan nodded his agreement, and waited for me to begin.

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Dan POV

It was Phil’s turn to start. I was a little surprised he’d brought up the idea of stopping before the final round, as if he really did remember what had happened all those years ago. Maybe he wanted an excuse to stop, I mentally cursed myself for refusing his offer. Now he feels like he has to go through with it, I didn’t let him have an easy out.

But Phil was already scanning his fic, so I went back to mine to do the same. Another of my own fics, and pretty vanilla for my standards. I wondered what Phil’s looked like. There were technically no limits to what could be asked in truth or dare, so it could be as simple as “I dare you to lay on the floor” or as intense as “I dare you to fuck me”, as long as proof was shown that it was something the fic version of the person said or did.

“Truth or dare?” Phil’s question startled me from my hazy memories. I was never much about the truths, they tended to lean uncomfortably toward the deep stuff.

“Dare, you know that’s my answer,” I shot him a raised eyebrow and waited for his command. He spun his laptop around, preparing to show me the situation I’d be putting myself in.

“I dare you,” Phil searched the screen again, finger pointing out a few lines, “to take off your shirt.” I leaned in toward the laptop, confirming that the Dan in the fic had done so, and was immediately reminded of my current handicap.

“Well you’ve made it literally impossible for me to do that, so I guess you’ll have to pick something else!” I shrugged, my shoulders aching a bit at the awkward angle my arms were restrained at.

“Oh, alright, turn around,” I adjusted, spinning so he had access to my wrists, and sighed in relief when I could move my arms again. I stood, swinging them out and around for a bit, until Phil caught my eye. “Well?” His eyebrows went up, then, and I realized at that exact moment my problem from earlier had not quite gone away.

If Phil noticed, though, he didn’t say. Just prompted me once again to remove my shirt. I turned around, taking half a second to adjust myself, and pulled my shirt off. “Happy now?” I asked, and he smiled. I returned to the sofa, feeling oddly exposed - though being shirtless around Phil wasn’t a new thing, it felt strange, given the circumstances.

I scrolled through my fic, looking for something I’d hoped would be enough to make him refuse. But I had to be careful, I couldn’t go too over the top, in case he took it the wrong way. Not that I don’t want him, I just don’t want him to hate me for wanting him like that. I settled on a pretty safe one, then asked.

“Truth or dare, Phil?” He looked up from studying his screen, and pursed his lips for a moment.

“Truth,” he decided, and I was thrown for a loop. I scrolled back through my fic, trying to come up with a good confession or question. But it wasn’t a very long one, and my options were limited.

“Have you ever, er, thought about me while masturbating?” my voice was so soft, I was a little surprised he heard it. Everything from my toes to my ears was turning red, but I tried to act casual. I pointed to the lines on the screen, where fic-Phil admits to it, and Phil read them for a few moments.

I actually didn’t even realize he’d responded, but his head was ducked and he was nodding sheepishly.

“Wait, you have?” I was shocked, he had never mentioned thinking about me like that. It must’ve been years ago, right when we first met. There’s no way he still thinks of me that way. I would be able to tell, right? I reasoned through this in my head, hopes falling drastically; Phil never confirmed it aloud, but moved right on into the next question.

“Truth or dare?” his voice was still low, head still ducked, so I went along with it. Despite every question fluttering through my head.

“Dare, obviously,” I added, trying to drop the previous topic. If it hadn’t been dead silent, I would’ve entirely missed his next words.

“Kiss me.”

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Phil POV

This was going to turn out exactly like it had the last time, but I couldn’t help myself. So I dared him to kiss me.

He looked stunned for a moment, but recovered almost immediately. And he was actually leaning toward me.

His lips on mine felt ten times better than anything I’d daydreamed about. But he pulled away after just the lightest touch, and I almost reached out to pull him back. Instead, I assessed his reaction - he didn’t look angry, or upset, or anything, really. Confused, perhaps. As he settled back in his spot on the sofa, he cleared his throat. I watched his eyes drop to the screen in front of him. Where they’d been sifting lightly through the fic before, they were now searching feverishly for something. A moment later, he spoke.

“Truth or dare?” It was his normal voice, but it suddenly seemed so loud in the wake of the kiss.

“Truth,” the last ‘truth’ had been tough to admit, but I was honestly terrified of what he might do if I said ‘dare’. At least, with the truth, he hadn’t specified whether or not I’d thought about him recently.

“What’s something you’ve been hiding from me?” His voice was soft again, and I pretended to read the paragraph that he’d pointed out. I knew I could take the easy route, say something about eating his cereal again, or about skipping ahead in the show we were watching together, but this felt like a bigger question. A question that required a bigger answer. I took a steadying breath.

“The last time we played this game…” I trailed off, a bit unsure. I didn’t want to put him in an uncomfortable position, but I was trying to be honest. “Some things...happened. I don’t know if you wanted them to, or if we got carried away, but…” I took another breath, and my words came out hushed. “I did. I wanted that. I want that.” I said the last piece softly, so softly that I wondered if I’d even said it at all. I couldn’t take my eyes off the spot on the sofa between us. I was terrified of his reaction. Amazing how something so buried in the past can still have such an impact.

“You what?” It came out as a breath more than words, but I heard them. And immediately felt like the worst person.

“I’ve just ruined our friendship, haven’t I?” I exhaled sharply and lifted my face to find Dan sitting forward, head tilted slightly and staring at me with his mouth wide open. “Are you not...angry?” I couldn’t read his facial expression, he looked more bewildered than anything. Then he was shaking his head, eyes closed and a small smile pushing up the corners of his mouth.

“Okay, I’m really confused now. Dan, can you please say something?” I could feel my hands shaking, just a little, but I was really worried now. He obviously hates me, he’s going to up and leave, I’ll never even see him again. “Maybe I should just…” I moved to stand up, but then Dan was on top of me, pinning me down.

“Wait, no, please, don’t go! I’m sorry, I just didn’t expect…” he trailed off, and I realized just how close his face was to mine. And it was getting closer.

“Dan,” I barely had the strength to speak with his lips so close to mine, but I wasn’t about to let him do something he’d regret. “Dan, are you sure about this? Is this what you want? I don’t want you to regret it, like last time.” At this, he stilled, and my heart broke a little.

“Phil, you think…?” He stared at me incredulously, so close I could feel his breaths against my lips. And then he closed the gap, and damn it all but I had no intention of stopping him. It was a gentle kiss at first, but he quickly deepened it. I wrapped an arm around his torso and pulled him against me, my other hand running up through his hair. We stayed that way for a few moments before Dan pulled back and I prepared my heart for the inevitable rejection.

“You thought, all those years ago…” again, he left it, giving a breathy laugh. He shook his head, then dropped it so he rested completely on top of me. “You thought I regretted it,” he mumbled into my shoulder. Somehow, talking like this was easier.

“You never said a word, after that night,” I said, staring at the ceiling but keeping a soft grip on his back. “I assumed...well, I assumed you thought it was a mistake. I didn’t want to take advantage of you, so I backed off.” It sounded so silly, now. Time brings perspective.

“I was terrified that you regretted it,” I could feel his warm breaths against my shoulder, the light rumble of his voice against my chest. “I have…” he inhaled deeply, and I felt his chest expand. “I have been in love with you. This entire time. Hell, since the day we met.” The words were muffled and distorted by my shoulder, but my heart caught them all.

My other hand drew small circles across Dan’s shoulder blade, and I turned my head slightly to face him. “I love you too.” I felt my chest grow incredibly light, and I was suddenly giddy about it all. About us, about where we could go, about the man I was absolutely in love with. I wanted to live in that exact moment for my entire life.

“So...I won, right?”

[irphanfic]

Moonshot - Chapter 8

Hey, I'm back! Yes, it took me a bot longer to update but I've been struggling with this chapter more than I expected because I had another ide in mind first but my mind went crazy and it took me another week to finish this one.

As always, hope you enkoy it and any feedback is welcome!

summary: Phil had a feeling that this Friday was going to be different.

That didn’t mean he was ready to meet his favourite baseball player, Daniel Howell, while he was cleaning the windows of a building.

or the au in which Phil is a shy window cleaner and Dan is a famous baseball player. This is their story.

words: 3.1k

no trigger warnings

Read on ao3 - (x)

Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4 // Chapter 5 // Chapter 6 // Chapter 7

Chapter 8: Only A Week

Dan woke up to his phone ringing on Saturday morning. His agent Estelle wanted him to come over to her office to talk to him about 'some secret project' that she had some information about.

''Why so early?'' he had asked over the phone, but Estelle just sushed him and told him to get ready.

So, still sleepy and with only a coffee on his body he took a cab and headed to her office, yawning as he knocked on the dark brown wooden door.

''C'mon in!'' Dan heard Estelle shout from inside of her office.

Dan opened the door and walked inside, finding a suit claded Estelle already standing up from her chair to envelope him into a big hug, ''Dan! It's so nice to see you!''

Dan hugged her back, ''Yeah, it has been a while, hasn't it?''

He felt Estelle nod against his shoulder before separating their bodies and walking back to her office chair, indicating Dan to sit in the one in front of her, a glass table being the only thing between the two of them.

After asking the informal 'how are you's', Estelle went straight to the point. ''Look Dan, I received  a new email from the sport clothing brand we worked with a year ago. As you know, you being the face of their last clothing range was absolutely marvelous. Anyways, they plan on launching their new campaign soon and they want an immediate response since they had talked with another player but he turned the offer down last minute and they were planning to strat all of it next Wednesday so yeah, really last minute, I know.'' Estelle rolled her eyes but continued, ''The new baseball season is about to start but you have handled the promo stuff and games other years so it should be okay.''

Estelle handed Dan a few papers so he could see what kind of clothes he would be wearing and more stuff he didn't really understand about budgets, promo shoots and more along with the contract of this campaign.

Dan really had enjoyed working with this brand before and it had been a while since he had done it. This could be another good opportunity for him. ''I really like how it sounds...'' Dan said pensive, still trying to understand the papers Estelle had given him.

''Apparently, you will be modeling with Claire Vickard, the tennis player, and they want to take you both  to Ireland for a few landscape shoots, nothing too difficult, but you will have to stay there for a week. I've already talked to your coach and said it's fine, you are doing great at practice so...''

Dan listened attentively, picking up every detail Estelle was saying. Wait, a week in Ireland without seeing Phil? It shouldn't be that hard, right?

''So, are you interested? It is secret till the campaign is revealed so you cannot tell anyone, okay? If someone know they could ruin you, you know that, right?'' Estelle asked, looking at Dan with her big eyes as he nodded in understanding. You wouldn't like to mess up with the contracts, oh no.

''I think it looks great, it's a good deal and you have already worked with them, you can think about it a bit more but I advise you that we don't have much time,'' she said.

''No, I think I'm ready to sign the contract,'' Dan said, trying not think much about what it would suppose not to see Phil in those days, ''as you said, I already know them, so it shouldn't be really different.''

Estelle handed him a black pen and Dan started scribbling his signature in the bottom of almost every page, giving the stack of papers back to his agent once he was done.

''Perfect! I'll send the papers later and I will call to ask about the travelli...'' but Estelle's sentence was cut off by Dan's phone loud and repetitive chiming, indicating someone had sent him a few messages.

''Wait,'' Dan said, taking out his phone and instantly smiling as he read Phil's name on the screen. Without reading the messages, he quickly turned the phone on silent and pocketed it back in his trousers, ''sorry for that Estelle, continue please.''

Estelle's face expression changed form serious to soft, making Dan frown, ''What?''

''Who has you smiling like that?'' she said, as if he had noticed Dan's wide smile.

''Wha- what smile? What are you on about?'' Dan tried to dismiss it, but knowing she wouldn't buy it. It was Estelle, for God's sake.

''That smile!'' she pointed at his mouth, ''Your dimples don't show for anyone! So tell me, who has the powers to make you grin at your phone, uh?''

Dan groaned. There was no way he was getting out of this, right? ''Okay, his name is Phil. He is the window cleaner of my new building and we started talking by writing messages to each other on papers, you happy now?''

''Tell me more, c'mon Dan! How is he like? Have you meet each other without a big ass window in between? Tell me!'' Estelle almost whined, dragging the last 'e' of 'me' for emphasis.

''Fine, I will.''

So Dan spent all Saturday morning at Estelle's office talking about him and Phil. How nervous he was of meeting him that first time, how the blue eyed asked him on a date first, their last trip to the bookstore, even showing Estelle the few pictures he had taken so she could see with her own eyes how 'attractive and adorable' Phil was, his smile getting somehow bigger at each detail he could remember about Phil.

''You really like him, don't you?'' Estelle asked once Dan had managed to tell everything.

''I really do, Estelle. I really do.''

______________

Phil was waiting for Dan to come to his flat so he was franatically tidying his living room.

He had been writing, well, trying to, since he hadn't gotten any responses from the publishing houses yet so he wanted to keep writing something else in case his last story didn't work, but his brain wasn't cooperating. Phil could swear he had spent around two hours staring at the blinking cursor on the document, as if it was moking him for not writing. Why was so hard to write something!?

In all his groaning he texted Dan, asking him if they could do something today. Apparently Dan had been on a meeting with his agent all morning, asking if it was okay to show up now, to which Phil answered it was okay, whatever to distracting form his responsibility of writing.

Phil had been wanting to go outside, but since it was pouring down, he invited Dan over to play videogames in some of the consoles Martyn had lend him a few years ago, not realizing his flat was kind of a mess.

He had just managed to arrange a few cushions on the sofa when he heard the doorbell, meaning Dan was here.

''Hi'' Phil greeted him as soon as he opened the door, breath hitching at the sight of Dan just standing there with his messy and somehow dry curls atop of his head, a maroon jumper with the sleeves rolled up his toned arms that he had combined with black ripped skinny jeans, letting Phil see a bit of his thighs.

Those ripped jeans were making Phil have some thoughts he prefered not to share.

Dan greeted him back and steped inside Phil's flat, surprisedly pecking Phil's cheek, which instantly turned pink as if he had some magical powers to make the blue eyed blush each time he touched him.

''Thanks for letting me come over this last minute, it was so sudden so I hope I'm a good distraction for writing.'' Dan said, chuckling and showing Phil a small smile.

''Nah, it's okay, I needed to detach myself from my laptop, otherwise I will end up with the keys glued to my fingerprints'' Phil said, making both of them laugh at his remark.

''So, which game you wanna play? I have a few...''' Phil started listing the videogames he had as he led Dan to his living room, where he had already put the consoles out and a few snacks on the table.

''What about I race you in Mario Kart? I'm gonna destroy you! Best of three?'' Dan said mischeviously, sending a smirk at Phil.

Oh, so it was a competition then, uh? If Dan wanted to play, let's play. ''And what do I get when I win?'' Phil said, copying Dan's smirk.

''So confident, Lester. I will think about what I want when I win.'' Dan said, sitting down and picking one of the controllers.

Phil hummed in agreement and also sat down next to Dan, their thighs grazing as Phil picked up the controller that was left and starting the game, ''Bring it, Howell. You are going down!''

Phil suddenly felt Dan's gaze on him, making him a bit nervous, ''What?'' Phil said, turning his body a bit to face the brown eyed, who was biting his lower lip as his eyes travelled up and down Phil's body.

''Believe me Phil, I would love to go down... in more ways that you can imagine,'' Dan said in a low voice. Phil flushed deep red but didn't say anything. He wanted nothing more than forget the videogame and jump Dan just right in his sofa but no, he was determined to win this and the 'lame' flirting from Dan wasn't going to get him to lose. Oh no. No way.

Phil pressed play and both customized their characters, bickering about 'how boring and bad' car choices the other made, playing rock-paper-scissors to decide which one got to choose the traks they would be racing.

They kept bumping each other's shoulders and elbows from time to time, losing their balance for a second, enough to send the other's cars few places behind, hearing a few swear words from Dan and Phil letting out a few child-like screams everytime that happened.

It was the last race and they were even. As Phil had won the first race and Dan the second, this last one would decide who was the ultimate Mario Kart winner. Oh, and Phil was so sure it was going to be him.

''You ready to get destroyed?'' Phil said, selecting the last track they would be racing.

''Ha! You wish! C'mon, press play, I cannot wait to win this already.'' Dan remarked, rearranging his position on the sofa pressing his body even more closer to Phil's.

He pressed play but the strong and nice smell from Dan's cologne was making his head heavy, wanting nothing more than to press his face against his neck and not move for hours...

''Oh, Phil, look at you, so far behind already, you aren't gonna catch me if you keep racing like this!'' Dan laughed, making Phil come back to reality only to realize that he hadn't been plying attention and was in last place!

'Phil, concentrate, please.' he said to himself in hopes that he could beat Dan, who was in first place already and there was only a lap left.

Trying his hardest, Phil raced as good as he could, managing to be on third place just seconds before Dan's car crossed the balck and white checkered line.

''Yes! I won!'' Dan exclaimed, jumping up from the sofa to make a silly victory dance that made Phil chuckle, not even bothering to stay mad at the fact that he had lost, appreciating the adorable Dan in front of him just dancing and carefree.

Phil let him dance a bit more before he decided to take revenge, also standing up to be at Dan's eye level, ''It's not fair! All or nothing!''

Dan stopped dancing and crossed his arms, frowning at Phil, ''How is it not fair? I won two out of three, that's what we decided, I'm not risking an 'all or nothing', oh no!''

''You distracted me!'' Phil said, not knowing what more to say.

''How did I even manage to distract you? I was just playing next to you!''

''With your good looks and nice smell and...'' Phil put a hand over his mouth as he realised what he said. Could the earth swallow him now, please?

He suddenly found himself in front of a smirking Dan who was slowly taking a few steps closer to Phil, backing the blue eyed against the sofa till his thighs touched the soft armrest.

Dan touched their noses together, brushing them against each other sweetly. Phil closed his eyes, enjoying this little feather-like touch and hoping Dan would just kiss him, but apparently the player had other ideas, since he moved his head to Phil's left ear, lips just caressing the skin ''You smell pretty good too, Philip.''

Phil shivered. He freaking shivered thanks to Dan's sensual and low voice.

He felt Dan's lips against his skin, but now on his surely rosy cheek. Then again on his jaw, multiple times, getting closer and closer to his lips, where Phil finally felt Dan's salted lips on his, moving them slowly but repeatedly till Phil finally got his thoughts clear and kissed him back.

Phil felt Dan push him backwards, till both of them ended up on the couch, he under Dan's toned body, enjoying how well their bodies fitted together.

They made out for a few minutes till Dan suddenly separated, smiling mischeviously at Phil.

''What?'' Phil asked softly, admiring the job he had done by messing Dan's curls even more.

''I didn't tell you what prize I want for winning yet,'' he said, pecking Phil once more on the lips.

Phil looked at him a bit scared. What was Dan thinking about doing to him? Was going to be something sexual!? He hoped not, it was too soon, right?

''O...kay. What did you think about?'' Phil's voice trembled a bit, but not enough for Dan to notice, who sighed deeply and looked at Phil's chest, were he kept fiddling with the top button of his shirt.

'Why is he suddenly so downcast?' Phil thought. He hoped nothing was wrong.

''So, I'm leaving for a whole week this Wednesday for a secret project I cannot tell you about yet but I was thinking you could let me read some story of yours? I mean, I will probably have a few hours spare so I thought it would be nice to know what kind of stories you write, but only if you want to, of course...'' Dan rambled, still not looking at Phil.

Wait, Dan was leaving on Wednesday? For a whole week to do a 'secret project'?

And also, he wanted to read his stories? Phil wasn't used to people asking him about his stories, and less when the publishers had always told him 'no'. It felt a bit like a failure to be honest.

He heard Dan sigh frustratedly before speaking again, this time looking up at Phil, ''It's just, I'm in the public eye and you know so much about me already and I don't know half of the things about you, and I think your stories will let me see more about you, but again, only if you want to.''

Phil showed him a tiny smile. Oh Dan. He wanted to learn more about him by reading his stories? It was a touching gesture to be honest.

''Dan, yes, of course I will let you read them. I can give you the last manuscript I sent a while ago if you want to.'' Phil offered. 'Why is he so sweet?'

''Yeah, you sure?'' Dan asked, eyes a bit wide Phil had agreed.

Phil hummed and nodded, smiling at him, ''Yes, I'm sure, let me just get it, okay?''

Dan smiled back at him and separated himself from Phil, who got up and walked fast to his office, picking up the stack of papers that had been lying on his table for a while now and putting them inside an envelope.

'But what if Dan hates it? Would he ever tell him? What if he thought Phil was a mediocre writer and laughed at him for wanting to be an author?' Many thoughts passed his mind. Phil had to admit he was scared of Dan's opinion on him, but dismissed them and walked back into the living room nonetheless, where he found Dan sitting on the couch instead of lying down.

''Here,'' Phil handed him the envelope as he sat down next to him, ''my last manuscript. It's a bit long, I don't know if you will finish it in a week but...'' he trailed off, realizing he won't be seeing Dan for a week.

Taking into account that they were getting used to see each other often, Phil didn't know what would happen with them. A week wasn't that long but they were just going on dates, not even developing whatever they had further or not, they were... stuck. No labels. Phil wasn't really sure where he stood with Dan and even though it might seem silly, it made him feel a bit insecure.  

''Thank you. I'm sure I will manage to read it all, don't worry. I will tell you what I think about it, see if you are a better author than I already think you are,'' Dan chuckled.

Phil laughed a bit but changed the subject, ''So... this secret project... it's only a week long, right?'' he tried to keep the question casual, not really succeding.

''Yeah, from Wednesday to Wednesday... It was very short notice and it's such a good opportunity I couldn't let go to waste.'' Dan said, ''but I will text you or call you and we can skype if you are avaliable! I don't want to stop seeing you, I'm kind of used to seeing your face, and holding your hands... and... and kissing your lips.''

Phil could have melted right into his sofa but instead he leaned in and pecked Dan on his rosy lips, ''like this?'' Phil said in a low voice, smiling, knowing Dan would probably enjoy a bit more of... action.

''No, more like...'' Dan closed the small gap between them with a bit of more force, moving his lips as he had done a few minutes before, Phil's following him in sync, enjoying the little moment between the two.

''I'll miss you. It only a week but I know I'll miss you.'' Dan said almost quietly as he touched their foreheads together once they both felt the need for oxygen.

''I'll miss you too.'' Phil repeated, leaning in for another short kiss. ''Only a week, Dan. It's only a week.''

[philanddanxreader]

Who wears short shorts?

Hello, Love bugs!

Dan X Reader

warnings- Smut, Swears.

May you please do one where the reader likes wearing short shorts around the house and dan and Phil think they’re teasing them? Smut at the end maybe? Thnx x x - Anon

It was finally spring and you were going to take full advantage. You had pulled out the shorts that you had to hide away for two seasons. You and the boys were going to hang out to enjoy the spring by going to get a coffee and then sit indoors with the windows open while doing some work. 

Walking to the boy’s door you couldn't help the smirk on your face. It was a beautiful day and you were about to spend it with two cuties. You and Phil had been friends forever. After he introduced you to Dan it was like he was like you had found your long lost friend. You swore the two of you were best friends in a past life.You called Phil to tell him to bring his ass downstairs.

“Moshi Moshi!” You shook your head even if he couldn’t see it he had a feeling you were giving him the look through the phone.

“Hello, Phillip! Please tell me the two of you are ready.” You could hear Dan yell in the background that Phil was still in his pyjamas.

“Is that true? Phil was silent for a little while as you started to dig through your bag to find the spare key that they had given you. “I will let myself in.” Phil gave a quick thank you before ending the call. Once inside you could hear Phil running around the second floor trying to get ready. Just as you were about to take off your strappy sandals when you saw Dan peak his head around the corner.

“ Don’t bother with the million straps and shit on those shoes. I told Phil to just join us outside when he is dressed.” You nodded as Dan finished pulling on his shoes before putting his hand in the small of your back to lead you back outside.

“Can you believe how beautiful it is outside?” Dan agreed as he took a quick look at your outfit.

“It’s nice out but not shorts up to your crotch nice.” You hit him with the paper that had been rolled up in your hand.

“You don’t concern yourself with my crotch or my shorts.” Dan gave you the glare your mother would give you when you went outside in an inappropriate outfit. You gave him the one you always returned to her. The only difference being that you were much more fearful of your mother’s wrath than Dan’s.Just as Dan was about to make a comment on how your legs were already showing goosebumps but Phil interrupted by coming out of the flat.

“Let’s go get something warm to drink. Looks like Y/N’s legs could use a warm up.” You were about to fight Phil on the topic of your apparently revealing legs but the boys were leaving you in the dust towards the coffee shop. You trailed behind them trying to keep the same pace but it was nearly impossible when one of their strides were at least two and a half of yours. 

Once inside the three of you got some drinks and chatted about what was new in your worlds. The two hours flew by in an instant. Between the tears of laughter and the copious amounts of caffeine, the three of you headed back to the flat to do some work together. It was an excellent excuse to hang with each other while actually getting things done. The boys editing and you doing all the crap things you don’t like to do at work so you save if for home when you can swear as much as you want.

You found your way to the couch to sit beside Dan in his spot while Phil sat at the table. He claimed that the two of you will regret sitting on the saggy furniture when we will be needing someone to wheel you around London.

It only took ten minutes before Dan became distracted and didn’t want to work anymore. This always means that you are going to get diddly squat done.

“What are you doing? I’m tired of looking at his face in real life and then on video for the gaming channel.” Phil flipped the bird to Dan as the two of you snickered like little kids. You showed Dan all of the stuff on your computer before he closed the lid on it.

“The fuck? I need to work you spoon.” You opened it again before Dan could try and distract you further. 

“I think I would focus better if I had a glass of water.” Dan was directing the comment to you as he  leant further into his spot while surfing on his phone.”

“I’m the guest. I think I am supposed to drop a hint about being thirsty while you offer me the drink.” Dan hid his smirk behind his phone as he shook his head no.

“Actually at this point, you are more of a pest than guest.” You rolled your eyes with extra dramatics before standing from your spot.”Thank you love.” Ugh, he knew what calling you love did. Fucking twat. Adorable curly haired twat.

You made your way to the kitchen sure there was at least one set of eyes on you. You suddenly felt a twinge of confidence. You had a complicated past with Dan. The two of you were no stranger to cuddles when sleepy. It was common to also spend some intimate time together when under the influence. Or not. You never talked about it. The two of you would fuck cuddle and then just pretend that it didn’t happen the next morning. Not because it was awkward but more because it was a bit of an unofficial fuck buddies relationship. You made your way back to the room with the two glasses in hand. When you walked back to the couch you tried to keep your eyes away from Dan to see if he was indeed checking you out. It had been a while since the two of you had fooled around.

Sitting down you were trying to figure out a way to get Phil away from the two of you so you could even just make out with him. You found your phone from your pocket to find Dan’s little picture in your messages.

“If you think any harder you may explode.” Dan smiled as he saw your text across his screen

“Think of how good that video would be. Storytime my head fucking exploded because I’m a mega genius.” Your phone buzzed from Dan. You spied at him from the side of your eye. He looked like he was just fooling around on his phone and not texting a person that was beside him.

“Mega eh? Someones cocky in their size… Brain size that is.” Dan released a small laugh as he shook his head. You were terrible and he loved it.

“You know even though they are ridiculously short I like those shorts on you.” Looking at Dan you searched his eyes for an answer that the two of you couldn’t vocalise at the moment as Phil was in the room. Dan looked down as he typed on his phone a response to your look.

“We either toss a marshmallow out the fire escape and lock him outside. Or we could go to my room and make it as not obvious as possible.” Your eyes went wide looking at his response. Had he lost his fucking mind? You knew that it was very possible that Phil knew what goes on between the two of you but you weren’t about to announce it like this. Not like well Phil this whole working thing was grand but I would like to borrow your roommate so he can give me an earth shattering orgasm. Ugh, that’s a pass.

“Not happening. And besides, it’s not like we are going to fuck. You owe me from last time.” The last time the two of you were together you sucked him off in the bathroom of your friend’s house at her party. It was in no way classy but you both needed it.

“I didn’t forget. In fact, I think I can get you to cum in record time.” Stupid Dan with his stupid power over you with words. You could feel the burn of desire in your core.

“Play along you dork. Let’s see this magical record.” Dan put his phone away after reading the text. You took a breath before starting the stupidest idea you have had in a while.

“Well fuck, My stupid cord is doing that thing again.” Phi looked up from his computer while pulling out a headphone.

“Do you want me to find more of that tape?” you shook your head before looking at Dan.

“Could I just borrow your’s Dan until I can get a new one tomorrow. Also if I could get you to actually tape my old one up also that would be great.” Dan nodded as he got up from the couch while stretching his limbs.

“Sure. Only thing is that you help me with the stupid tape.” You nodded as you followed Dan towards his room. As you left the lounge you looked back to see if Phil was catching on. He had already put his headphones back in so you safely assumed it would be okay.

Once inside Dan’s room he immediately pulled at your arm before closing the door as close to really closed as possible. The door was way too loud to actually close the bastard. You were about to make some stupid comment about how you feel like a teen who is hiding from Dad Phil but you didn’t get a chance to even let out a word before his lips were crashing into yours. It was nice. It was what you wanted no matter how complicated it was.

“Fuck.”  You didn’t get anything else out as you felt Dan snake his hand down into your panties running his finger along your slit to already collect the wetness that had already pooled there.

“Kiss me. I can’t trust you to be quiet.” You couldn’t argue as he pressed your lips into his to muffle the sounds. It didn’t take Dan long to insert a finger into you as his thumb rubbed your clit. He may actually gain a record. Fucker. You moaned into his mouth as he took it as a plea for more. He inserted another finger into you as his pace quickened. He was relentless and you were going to come undone on his fingers.

“Going to cum on my fingers pet?” You nodded as he pressed kissed into your hair as you laid your head on his shoulder. It happened so quickly you could have sworn it was a dream. The rush of that came over you was a mix of goosebumps, shivers and pure ecstasy. Dan helped you come down from your high as he rubbed your back with his free hand as he removed his other from your underwear.

“Fuck you. Fuck you and thank you.” Dan laughed as he walked away for a second to go in his drawer to pull a cord out.

“ I think it would be suspicious if we didn’t remember this. Not that you kept your moans all that silent.” You smiled as you placed one more kiss to his lips.

“I’m glad were even because the next time I want you.”

[imaginetonyandbucky]

I want Alpha!Bucky who is recovering, but slowly shaking off the submissiveness Hydra beat into him. Omega!Tony is absolutely smitten with him. Tony flirts outrageously, calls him "Bucky bear", and touches him casually. Bucky starts reverting to his pre-WWII dominant behaviors and Tony just can't get enough. Bonus if Bucky's Winter Soldier tendencies leave Tony unafraid and seriously turned on.

+

hey yall! could someone please write an abo au where alphabucky has to order sick omega tony to stay home from a battle. and its not likehes some traditionalist alpha that orders tony around all the time or anything.he hates that and tony is the last omega that would stand for that kindatreatment. but its for his own good this time and tho tonys a little hurt by ithe knows too. then turns out to be a diversion from the tower being attacked.happy ending tho cause tonys bamf even when sick.

---

"Tony. Stand down."

Every nerve in Tony's body lit up with the desire to snapsomething cold over his shoulder and keep walking towards the elevator. It hadbeen years since he'd responded to the sound of an alpha using that voice. Hewas pretty sure the last time had been from Obadiah Stane, and didn't that justmake the hackles rise on the back of Tony's neck. Natasha was in between Tonyand the elevator, though, so he spun on his heel, shoulders hunching.

The look on Bucky's face stopped him cold. Bucky was staringat him uncertainly, eyes afraid, like he thought that Tony might tear him toshreds. That effectively dumped a bucket of cold water on Tony's anger. It hadtaken months for Bucky to be comfortable with using that voice with anyone,never mind Tony. And really, Tony figured he had no one to blame but himselffor Bucky feeling comfortable enough to use it now.

"It's for your own good," Bucky continued, stillfirm. "You're sick. What happens if you faint while you're piloting thearmor? And don't tell me that JARVIS would take over. That's not an acceptableanswer."

Tony scowled. "I'm not that sick," he said, but hecould feel himself wavering. There wasn't much he wouldn't do for Bucky, andthe whole team knew it. Tony had been smitten from day one and with every daythat passed, it only got worse. Bucky was probably the only who didn't know it.

"Please?" Bucky asked. His voice softened, the alphatone evaporating into something silky that felt like a physical caress onTony's skin, and that was purely unfair in Tony's expert opinion.

"... Fine," Tony agreed, crossing his arms. Heglared at the rest of the team, just daring anyone to say a word. No one methis gaze. Steve started to, but Sam elbowed him hard enough to make Steve lookaway. Good. If Steve had opened his mouth and said something stupid, Tony'spride would've insisted on him joining them no matter what Bucky said.

"Thank you," Bucky said warmly, smiling at him.

"Anything for you, Bucky-Bear," Tony said with asigh, setting a hand on Bucky's arm when Bucky went to walk fast. He droppedhis voice. "Stay safe, okay? Come home."

Bucky put his hand over Tony's, squeezed once, and then wasgone. Tony glanced over his shoulder, watching as the rest of the team filedinto the elevator. Without him. It was profoundly strange to suddenly have thetower empty and know that everyone else was responding to a call while Tony wassupposed to sit here and wait for them to come back. It didn't sit right.

"I'm not that sick," he muttered again, wanderinginto the communal living room. The screen was still frozen on an image ofPrincess Peach and her motorcycle falling to her death on Rainbow Road. Nomatter what Clint said, Sam kicked his ass on Mario Kart every damn time. Outof pure spite, Tony bent down and switched the console off without saving theirprogress.

The room spun when he straightened back up. Dizzy, he stuck ahand a hand out and balanced himself against the wall. Okay, that was notpleasant. Maybe his temperature was a little higher than he'd been willing toadmit. It was probably time for another dose of Tylenol. He turned, slow andcareful, and made his way into the kitchen.

The one good thing about everyone being gone was that Brucecouldn't order him away from the coffee.

Tony settled down on the couch with a mug of coffee in handand ordered JARVIS to patch him through to the team's comm. He listened insilence for about half an hour as Clint and Bucky snarked at each other,interspersed with Sam and Natasha flirting, Thor's boisterous yells, the Hulk'sroars, and Steve's pleas for everyone to keep the line free of idle chatter.One of these days, Steve was going to have to give up on that dream.

All was going well until Tony heard the explosion. At first,he thought it had come through the comm links and wondered who had let Natashaplay with dynamite again. Then the second explosion happened and the couchshook hard enough to dump his thankfully cold coffee into his lap. The commline filled with voices yelling Tony's name.

"Sir," JARVIS said, cutting the audio from the comm."It appears that the tower is under attack. Floors 100 through to 95 havebeen compromised."

"Shit," Tony said under his breath, rolling to hisfeet. The world spun for a good twenty seconds before settling, but by then hewas already at the elevator. He slapped at the button.

"I'm afraid that the elevator is out of commission, Sir.I can't allow the doors to be opened."

Meaning, whatever was in the tower was now in the elevatorshaft, probably trying to locate Tony. Swearing under his breath, Tony changedcourse and ran for the stairs. But not the emergency stairs - oh no, everyoneknew that buildings had those. He was heading for his own personal set ofevacuation tunnels, which ran through every level of the tower all the way tothe basement. Even Clint didn't know they existed.

Behind him, there was a third explosion. Then the morefamiliar sound of shots being fired. Bullets peppered the floor and wallsbehind him as Tony turned a sharp corner, slamming the palm of his hand flatagainst the wall in just the right spot. The wall seamlessly split apart,revealing a small corridor just wide enough for Tony to slip into. Then itclosed behind him, leaving him in darkness except for the arc reactor.

"Can you tell me anything, J?" he asked, bare feetslapping the ground as he ran.

"There appears to be interference with my system. I amattempting to -" JARVIS's voice stopped. It was possible Tony's heartstopped right along with it. Then, just as suddenly, JARVIS resumed with,"I am attempting to rewrite the firewall to block the attack, but I amhaving trouble locating the issue."

Hackers. Had to be. Tony ground his teeth together, taking thestairs as quickly as he dared. Above him, he heard footsteps.

"J, enact defense protocols," he commanded.

The sharp crackle of electricity was barely audible over thesound of the screams that echoed above and behind him. Tony smirked to himselfand ducked underneath a wall. It hit the ground behind him, sealing offimmediately. He knew that meant JARVIS was dispensing sleeping gas for to knockout anyone who was still conscious after the electrical attack.

He came up to another wall and opened it slowly. The coast wasclear. Tony crept out into the hallway. His workshop was about fifty feet away;he could see the reinforced glass doors, which were shut. A handful of agentsdressed in familiar gear were prying at the doors, trying to get them open.

Hydra. Of course.

This was a problem, but Tony had an excellent solution.

"Hey idiots!" Tony called.

All heads swung around to face him. Guns went up. The doors slidopen behind them. The Iron Man suit that had appeared in the doorway while theagents weren't paying attention lifted its hands. Tony experienced a cruelpleasure out of seeing every single one of those Hydra agents getting blastedin the ass. When all of them were down and out, the suit flew to Tony andstarted to reassemble around them.

"And Bucky said I was too sick for this," Tonymurmured, an unholy smile crossing his face as the faceplate snapped down."Come on, baby. Let's teach them why the tower's off limits."

Roughly thirty minutes, a low growl echoed through the room.Tony glanced up just in time to see Bucky - no, the Winter Soldier stalk intothe room. Steve and Natasha were right behind him. All three of them were armedand ready to kick ass. Too bad there was no ass left to kick.

"Hey guys, you made it!" Tony chirped. "I wassharing a glass of champagne with Agent."

“No we weren't," Coulson said blandly, spoilsportthat he was. "You were filling out mission reports, and I was supervisingthe removal of Hydra agents from your living room."

"Did you steal my champagne?"Tony asked, looking around. He could've sworn that his glass had been sittingright next to the stack of papers that Coulson had shoved under his nose. Itwas now conspicuously missing and Coulson was wearing an innocent look.

"What happened? You were under attack. Are youokay?" Steve said, rapid-fire, looking like he wanted nothing more than tostrip Tony naked and examine him in close detail for wounds. Which wasn'tnearly as fun as it sounded, actually.

"I'm fine. J and I took care of them. SHIELD helped withthe rest," Tony said with a wave of his hand. "All good."

"Phil?" Natasha asked.

"Why does no one take my word for it?" Tonycomplained to no one, because Coulson, Natasha and Steve clearly weren'tlistening. And at some point during the conversation, the Winter Soldier hadslipped out of the room. A quick consultation with JARVIS - who had located andpatched the hack - revealed that the Soldier was now doing a perimeter check.

Tony wasn't going to lie. It was pretty hot watching theSoldier strut around, checking every inch of the upper floors, which wassurprising because that was the kind of behavior that would've normally pissedhim off. He was not the kind of omega that needed to be coddled. Hell, he'dtaken down over two dozen Hydra goons in less than fifteen minutes all byhimself. He was stronger than most alphas could hope to be.

There was something about Bucky, though. Something that keptTony at ease instead of raising his hackles. Maybe it was how hard Bucky hadworked to throw off Hydra's submissive conditioning. Or maybe it was how Buckyhad never uttered a word against omegas. Or maybe it was the way that Buckylooked at him sometimes, like he thought Tony was the greatest thing ever.Yeah, it was probably that last one.

He was just finishing the (stupid, ridiculous) mission reportwhen Bucky came prowling back into the room. He was more settled now, thoughfar from relaxed. Tony leaned back to look up at him and swayed, the sarcasticcomment on the tip of his tongue disappearing. Bucky grabbed his shoulder,steadying him.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I keep telling you I'm fine," Tony said, eventhough he was seeing two Bucky's now. And, huh, they were both smiling at himin a way that made Tony's stomach flip.

"You look like you're about to pass out."

"That's just your imagination. I'm good." Tony stoodup to prove it. Unfortunately, his knees buckled. Bucky caught him around thewaist, chuckling.

"I never thought you'd swoon into my arms."

"Shut up. I just kicked ass after you told me I was toosick for the damn mission. I would've had less exertion if I'd been with youguys."

Bucky's smile vanished. "I know."

"Aw, hey. Don't do that. Don't get all frown-y on me.It's not your fault."

"I should've been here."

"The alarm went off. You're an Avenger. You did what youwere supposed to do," Tony said. He hadn't moved away from Bucky yet.Actually, Bucky was still supporting most of his weight. It turned out thatBucky's arms were surprisingly comfortable.

"I'm supposed to -" Bucky started, then stopped.

Tony watched him intently. "Supposed to what?"

"Supposed to protect you," Bucky said, very quietly."Protect... my omega?"

Oh. Those last two words kicked Tony right in the heart. Heswallowed. "Your omega?"

"If you wanna be," Bucky said. "The offer'sopen."

"I'm a shitty omega," Tony said, because he couldn'tkeep his mouth shut. "And I don't need protection."

"You're perfect," Bucky corrected him.

It didn't escape Tony's notice that Bucky had ignored thesecond part of his sentence, and that was a very convenient way for Tony toignore what Bucky had just said (because there were so many things wrong withsomeone thinking that Tony Stark was perfect). He eyed Bucky. "I don'tneed protection. You did hear me say that."

"You don't need it, but I'm an alpha. It's what wedo."

Tony sighed as though his heart wasn't racing. As though thethought of someone wanting to protect him didn't make himfeel giddy. "So long as we understand I don't need it. I can take care ofmyself."

"Does that mean you'd be opposed to going to bed withme?" Bucky asked.

It only took a second for Tony to put two and two together."I thought you searched the tower from top to bottom."

"I did."

But just because you knew something didn't mean you alwaysbelieved it. Bucky wasn't the only one who would sleep easier tonight if theyshared a bed. Hydra had come after the Winter Soldier a few too many times forTony's comfort, and he did not relish waking up from nightmares where Bucky waskidnapped by agents that had hidden themselves in the tower. He reached up andwrapped an arm around Bucky's neck.

"On one condition."

"Which would be?"

"If you ever use your alpha voice to bench me from amission again - and I mean ever, even if I'm so sick I canbarely walk - I'm going to put a repulsor blast in your gorgeous ass."

Bucky smiled and easily hefted Tony into his arms, ignoringTony's squawk. "Deal."

~SailorChibi

[babyangeldan]

Living up to your dreams Chapter 3

This day supposed to be nice - days were generally getting better lately. There was far less thinking about ending all this and far more thinking about how maybe, just maybe, fate of omega wasn't that bad. And all of this because Phil. He actually listened, payed attention and didn't look at him like on piece of meat. Dan knew why that usually happened with alphas, he knew about being true omega - in the end he wasn't stupid and had internet connection. He saw on TV that it wasn't normal way of rising kits, but still knew how he will be in the end of food chain forever. 
 
     But Phil was gentle and, oh god, so handsome. To Mark Dan felt only disgust and dreaded every meeting. Thats maybe why he couldn't believe when he saw black haired alpha by the altar. He promised! Teen’s heart broke right there and already dark mindset got even more depressing. That’s why he thought about this knife, he couldn't get raped. Sweet omega was gliding his fingers on leather collar and trying delicately loosen it up. Only a little, because alpha would be mad. Omegas can’t rip off collars, even when the have nice alpha. 

He couldn't fall asleep, all of this was surreal and true rollercoaster of emotions. Phil said they are friends, but what if all of this was still some sick game? Dan decided to believe this now and next time just go for it. Do not give alpha a chance to use his voice and end all this, be brave like that. 



- Mum, I’m so sorry. I can’t wait anymore. - he whispered gritting his teeth. Oh my god, what if Phil is listening. He had, in his last home, cameras and wiretap. Phil for sure is watching him now, and if not, probably some hired beta - just to check. He need to be good, being good meant no punishment. Dan calmed a little and buried himself in duvet. Alpha said sleep, so just try. Rest didn't come easily to omega, with full bladder. He didn't have chance to go to the bathroom and wasn't stupid. Young Lester didn't say anything about walking freely in his home. There was no permission so he need to hold it. He can do it, all night. 



  Phil was more than a little nervous. He made two omelettes and was planing to eat them with Dan in his bedroom, but now decided against it. He shouldn't go there right now, really. This part of the house should be safe place for Dan, make him feel if anything happened he could just run there.

- Dan… good morning! Breakfast is ready downstairs! - he knocked instead and donned the most cheerful voice he could right now. Alpha was still mad at himself for showing his dominance and still shaken up by yesterdays events. He never even thought of killing himself, he never thought he would see someone doing that. His mother would know what to do, but he couldn't call her. Its his life for now on and his omega. Yes, even if Dan will deiced to never be with him in romantic way Phil was still responsible for this sweet boy. 
Brown haired teen was caught by surprise, its morning already? He didn't sleep even a little and his senses wasn't that sharp. He didn’t heard when alpha came. No, he need to be brave. 

They met downstairs in the kitchen, which Dan found in great difficulty. He felt that being noisy wasn't the best choice and even if apartment wasn't that big going straight to the kitchen was challenge. „His” bedroom was upstairs, two rooms before Phil’s. Omega was hoping he could go to the toilet soon.



- I made omelettes, hope you like them. - alpha said while gesturing to sit by the island. He thought that eating at bar stools will be more casual and made everybody more comfortable. Dan just nodded, he wasn't sure if speaking was allowed. They were munching on eggs in silence, knife could cut this atmosphere. 


- I was thinking that we could, maybe, buy you today some new clothes and everything you need, really. - Phil said looking up and trying to make eye contact. Good and broken in omegas knew not to look straight in the eyes, as it was viewed as cocky, but alpha wasn't really accustomed to this. Alexander always tried to mark his dominance. Dan nodded yet again and young Lester understood what is happening.


- You can speak anytime you want, we are friends - remember? -he said smiling genuinely, and as by touch of magic wand omega perked a little.


- I would like that… - he whispered still a little unsure, voice hoarse. Phil just laughed, putting his tongue a little out of his mouth. Its was enduring. Alpha moved glass of orange juice near his „husband”.


- Drink up Dan, all this crying can make you dehydrated. - he said observing omega. He was worried not only of his sanity but also general health. For now he could only speculate that Dan was perfectly fine, not really well-rested at the first glance, but fine. Phil didn't agree to any doctors checking on his omega before wedding. He knew that this procedures was degrading, checking virginity, and didn't want Dan to experience all this. But for most part, he was worried they will found something and his mother would be opposed to wed them.

Boy visibly hesitated, he needed to pee so badly - but he couldn't say no to the alpha. They are getting mad if you disobey them, so Dan - drink everything, full glass.




   Phil always thought that buying completely new wardrobe for his significant other would be fun, but this whole experience was rather nerve wracking. They couldn't just go out to the shops, Dan still smelt like walking sex and by that asking for being raped - so they were currently looking at stuff online and trying to understand Dan’s size without really touching and measuring him. Omega was still obviously scared and more than unsure of any psychical contact. He didn't even sit that near to Phil, what of course made whole „looking for clothes” difficult. But alpha was more than happy for all this. Having Dan too close meant getting a boner. Omega’s scent was all over their apartment by this point and woozy cinnamon aroma soaked thru his clothes, only because he hugged this sweet teen once. All this gave him a least 7 semis since yesterday and only three really silent orgasms. If Dan would know he touched himself to him, to memory of his almost naked body… 
Phil was begging world to end all this. He couldn't be so sexually frustrated all the time. 



- What about this, its look comfy. - he said pointing at screen. They were looking at some shirts, plain ones.


- You don't really like colours, don't you? - he laughed when once again Dan’s eyes went for black version. It wasn't really popular for omega to wear something else than bright and fun things, as they naturally wanted to look cheerful for their alpha. There wasn't many of them, who worked lower than as director so work was more than stressful - they didn't want to come home and see other borings outfits.


- It’s fashion statement! - Dan said with a faint smile and Phil beamed at him. It was first sentence that omega said today after breakfast, other than nods. On the other hand Dan was actually quite surprised by himself and murmured almost silent apologies.


- I can see, maybe you are right and I need to try it. - he said laughing with encouragement and gesturing down and up of his black jeans and vibrant baby blue t-shirt. 


- Maybe I would tone it down a little, to be taken more seriously. - he added looking at Dan with hope. It was maybe fourth try of his to make omega talk even a little. He knew it will take time to warm him up to the idea of this whole arrangement, but boy seemed to be more than refractory. 
- You look just fine, I like it. - brown haired teen mumbled looking at his hands and sitting yet again differently, he was fidgeting this whole thing. Maybe it took to much time? Overall Dan never spend more with someone than fifteen minutes at the time. He should just give him some space. 


-Hey, I will pop to some shops and bring groceries. I was thinking pasta for dinner? - he asked changing position to now facing Dan. He did this to signalised omega that his opinion on this, and everything, was important. He wanted him to feel cherished so for now in Phil’s mind, he was a main cook. Phil was just hoping that Dan liked pasta, because that was basically everything he could do. Oh, and some pancakes - but for special day, as a treat. Alphas wasn't really meant to prepare meals so it was a lot. As expected omega jus nodded. 

Phil got up and was about to kiss Dan as a goodbye, but decided against it - like in the morning. He wanted Dan to feel equal. It was just a wishful thinking outside of the walls of the apartment, but as long as Dan is here - it will look like that. 




When alpha went out Dan was just sitting in the same place, he didn't know what to do. What is he supposed to do right now? Make pasta? Yeah, probably. Phil said he was thinking about eating it so it was probably indirect order. Omega got up and almost immediately took deep breath. He needed to pee so badly, but Phil didn't allowed it - I mean, didn’t even stutter about it. No, Dan will be fine. He was trained in controlling of the bladder, because Mark once probably said something about liking golden shower to Alpha Howell. He would just hold in. 



Phil bought all the groceries, some necessities for Dan - like toothbrush and, with great embarrassment, some black and white briefs for omegas. He never thought it will feel so sexual, in the end they are using nearly the same underwear, despite of being different, they were both still man. 


- Hi, Dan! I came back! - he shouted from the hallway, maybe a little too loud. What he heard next second made his blood froze. From kitchen came muffled sobs and one sharp toll. He didn’t even hesitate and run.


- Dan, are you alright? - he asked nervously looking at this crime scene. Did omega tried to hurt himself again? 


- It was an accident alpha! I promise I didn't want to… - Dan was crying in the middle of the kitchen, bleeding from his hands and kneeling in the pile of shattered plates. What? Why he even wanted to touch that?


- What happened? - Phil asked sharply a little taken a back and started approaching omega. He didn't want to scare him, but it of course was taken differently. Dan almost immediately flinched away.


- Alpha I'm sorry, I wanted to make you dinner! As you said… - boy was crying even more now, backing up to the kitchen cabinets and realising there was no escape.


- You can watch it on the video! Plates was just too heavy, I’m so sorry alpha! It was accident! - he was mumbling at this point almost incoherently. 
What? Why Dan was even making dinner, Phil didn't said anything about that? And what…?

-Video? Dan, I… - he didn’t know what going on, this whole situation was too hectic. 


- From the cameras! Please alpha it was a mistake… please… - omega looked so small right now. Because of the brown hair and this big eyes young Lester always thought his future husband looked like a doe, but right now resembled more a deer - soon to be a roadkill. 


- Danny… There’s no cameras, what are you talking about… - he whispered. Of course, why Phil was so stupid! Dan’s only known reality was being in observation 24 hours, seven days of the week. Alpha wanted to console him and reached out - but, as almost everything today, it was a mistake. Omega visibly felt threatened and by having nowhere to go, because Phil stood by the door, he couldn't hold in right now. Black haired man saw how his husband’s bottoms darkened visibly and quelling blood around him was getting lighter. If Phil though he heard the most loud of Dan’s cries, he underrated him. Omega was shrieking from fear, emotions and embarrassment. He just peed his pants! Seventeen years old fucking peed his pants. Oh god, alpha gonna kill him. 

Phil couldn't believe his own eyes. Everything was better earlier today, and now all this went to hell. Was taking Dan in good decision? He wasn't so sure right now, it was too much for 21 years old.

- Daniel. Stay still. - young Lester was put off. Not by the pee, but him using his alpha voice again. Omega stiffen immediately and looked up. In his eyes was only fear.


- I will not hurt you, we are friends. - black haired man said yet again, with his inner voice and really delicately lifted this whole mess of the person. 

Dan, being sure its the end - he will fucking die right there, was took to the bathroom and tossed, in strangely tender manner, under the shower. Warm water was pouring at him almost immediately. What was even more unexpected Phil was in the shower now with him, he just took his shoes off. They were fully clothed and Dan stopped crying, only because he didn't understand like fucking anything. Alpha took his hands and investigated all the cuts from the shattered plates.


- Thanks god, its nothing. - he whispered to himself more, than to his husband. 


- Dan, listen. There is no cameras, no wires, no anything… - Phil started and couldn't stop himself. He needed consolation too. His hands unwillingly went to omegas face and shortly he was stroking Dan’s cheek with his thumb.


- You are no longer in Howell’s mansion, this is your home, your rules and your life. You can do here whatever you want. - alpha mumbled and kissed him on the forehead. The only thing Dan felt, before Phil disappeared, was weight of his collar gone. Their whole marriage life, sorry - friends life, should start with this words and this action. 



  After that they went separates ways, Dan was asked to put on new clothes and Phil, now in pj, was cleaning this whole mess in the kitchen. 

When omega was ready he went downstairs, with clean, not peed on, clothes. he liked his new a little too big, black, cotton, long sleeved t-shirt and soft joggers. Phil was already wanting for him in the living room with to cups of hot chocolate. He smiled softly to him. 


- Phil, I’m so sorry… I just couldn't believe you are different. - Dan mumbled and sat on the sofa, strangely quite near black haired man. He hided his hands in sweater paws and gulped. Be brave Dan. Just be brave. 
To, this time, Phil’s surprise - omega was hugging him. 


- Thank you Phil, I’m… thank you for everything… - he whispered, but it wasn't what Dan said what struck him like a lighting. Its omegas scent, still sweet and sharp with cinnamon - now smelt like fresh apples too..

.

Everything will be alright, their relationship need a lot of work… but everything will be just fine.

[analogscum]

ROCK N’ ROLL NIGHTMARE (1987, d. John Fasano)

Rock n’ roll is dead. I’m sorry to have to break the news to you, my dear Scumbags, but it’s true. If I’m being honest, for awhile, I was feeling the same way about ROCKTOBER.

Just look at today’s musical landscape. The youth of now don’t want to listen to killer riffs and epic drum solos. They want to listen to shiny, overproduced country ballads about driving your truck down to the river at night. They want to listen to shiny, overproduced pop songs about how being a woman is awesome and there’s no night like tonight because tonight is the night that we’re all gonna be women. They want to listen to shitty, underproduced hip-hop made by rapists with facial tattoos about how they want to kill themselves because they either have no drugs, or they have too many drugs, I’m honestly not too sure. On a commercial scale, what does that leave us rockers? The Black Keys? Uggggh. Mumford and Sons? Blecccch. Imagine Dragons? Imagine my itchy taint.

Point is, I was feeling about ROCKTOBER the same way we’re all feeling about the state of rock n’ roll today. I wanted to do something fun and weird for my favorite month of the year, but the first two movies I selected, well, they were lacking. They simply didn’t rock enough. But then I realized, you can’t lose the faith. If you wanna find the good stuff, you’ve just gotta keep digging. And just like that, a stiff, demonic wind blew in from the great white north, and saved ROCKTOBER, just when we needed it the most. Thank you, Canada. And thank you, Rock n’ Roll Nightmare.

We open on a quaint little farmhouse. It’s morning. Mom is downstairs making breakfast, Dad is shaving off that stubble, and Junior is getting ready for school. How picturesque this familial scene is! Mom opens the fridge, and there’s a glowing red light and a growl! Oh no, is it Zuul?! Dad hears this growling and his wife screaming, so he saunters downstairs at a leisurely pace. But when he gets to the kitchen, Mom is gone! Hey, what is that in the oven? Dad opens it up, and it’s Mom’s goopy skeleton! Wow! It reaches out and tries to grab Dad! Junior sees this and screams! Then an Evil Dead first person camera demon zooms around the house as the credits roll, because THAT is how you start a goddamn movie!

Now we cut to a van driving down a rural highway. But this is not any ordinary van, this van is a total shaggin’ wagon. It’s white with shiny red stripes, the interior is all red velour, and to top it all off, there’s a pair of handcuffs dangling from the rearview mirror. You can practically smell the vapors of bong water and old genitalia coming off of this thing. The van screams down the highway for about the combined length of the driving scene in “Manos: The Hands of Fate” and the driving scene in “Solaris,” which is to say, for way too long. Would it surprise you to know that they shot this sequence when they realized the film’s runtime was too short?

Anyway, the van pulls up to the quaint little farmhouse from the beginning, and for the first time we meet The Tritonz, the most bitchin’ heavy metal quintet from the United States and definitely not Canada! There’s our banshee vocalist and fearless leader, Jon, played by Jon-Mikl Thor, whose Wikipedia page describes him as a “bodybuilding champion, actor, songwriter, screenwriter, historian, vocalist, and musician.” Now that I’ve seen this movie, I take issue with a few of those descriptors, but anyway. We’ve also got Stiggy, the Australian drummer, Max, the guitarist, Roger, the bassist, and Dee Dee, the keyboardist. Along for the ride are Jon’s girlfriend Randy, Roger’s new wife Mary, Stiggy’s girlfriend Gwen, and Phil, the band’s manager. As Jon explains, they’re going to be staying in this farmhouse for the next month while they work on material for their new album. The barn has even been converted into a 24-track recording studio for them. When someone asks why this farmhouse on the outskirts of Toronto, Jon replies thusly: “Toronto is where it’s happening, man! The music, the entertainment, the arts…” So, in other words, Rock n’ Roll Nightmare is the world’s weirdest tourism commercial. Neat! Gwen immediately starts complaining that they’re in the middle of nowhere, and that they don’t have roadies to carry their luggage for them, because Gwen is the character in the movie who gets angry and annoyed about everything. We then meet the groundskeeper, who looks just like Ken Burns. Phil tries to get the keys from him, but Ken Burns just keeps rattling on about Alice Cooper, and I think this scene was supposed to be funny, but whoops, and then Ken Burns gives Phil the keys and walks out of the movie. Bye, Ken Burns! We get an overhead shot of the house, and an ominous musical stinger…but then everyone just walks into the house and nothing happens. Get used to this, because I really think that they let shots go on about three to five seconds longer than necessary in a desperate attempt to pad the runtime out, and I won’t be convinced otherwise. I’m a Rock n’ Roll Nightmare truther!

So they divvy up the rooms, and Gwen complains that they’re gonna have to eat Phil’s cooking for dinner, and witheringly refers to Mary as a “housewife.” Cool. Jon announces that he’s going to go lock up the van, and then we watch him do just that, in real time. At one point, he sees a shadow behind the curtains in his bedroom, and looks concerned, but then it’s just Randy. She cups her breasts in his direction, as if to say, hey, look, I’ve got tits! And he just kinda smiles in a way you do when you wanna be nice to spare someone’s feelings. Cut to, dinner has just ended. Phil is wearing an old timey paper hat like he’s behind the counter of a soda fountain for no reason, and I’m HERE FOR IT. Jon makes a toast to making their best album yet. Then Gwen pressures Stiggy into giving a toast, thinking he’ll be like, here’s to my girlfriend Gwen who is super awesome and not an asshole at all, but because Stiggy is kind of a dummy, he’s like, ummmm, here’s to Phil for cooking us an awesome meal. Gwen of course gets mad, and then refuses to clean dishes, because, as she puts it, “I’m not a HOUSEWIFE.” I really don’t understand where Gwen is coming from here. Is she jealous of Mary? Does she think Mary is a goody two shoes? Or is she against the institution of marriage in general? Sadly, only lil’ Baby Jesus knows for sure, and he ain’t talkin’. Anyway, Phil and the other two ladies wash dishes while doing a funky little dance and giggling like they’re in a Nancy Meyers movie, before deciding to head over to the barn and watch their menfolk (plus Dee Dee, who is a lady) rock out.

And rock out they do! We’re treated to the first of many Jon-Mikl Thor originals here. This one is entitled “We Live to Rock,” because of course it is. While the Tritonz are melting faces with their wattage (kinda), that gosh darn Evil Dead first person camera demon starts zooming around again. To my surprise, we then get to see said demon, and well, there’s no polite way of saying this, so here goes…it looks like a penis. It just does. It looks like a penis with one googly eye and a big dumb mouth right underneath the tip. I could not even believe it. So then it drools (calm down, everyone) right into Phil’s beverage, and we see him take a sip, and ewwwwwww. As they finish the song, Stiggy breaks one of his drumsticks. His bandmates get on him as if he just ruined the entire song, which, like, drumsticks break all the time, guys, relax. Phil is like, hey, I’ve got a bunch of drumsticks in the basement, I’ll be right back. But when he gets down to the basement, Gwen is waiting for him. She’s like, hey Phil, you look like the host of an early 90s Nickelodeon game show that only lasted one season, let’s fuuuuuuuuuuck. Phil is deeply confused by this, because, let’s face it, he’s Phil, but he goes along with it, at least until Gwen’s face becomes a zombie demon face and bites a chunk of his shoulder off! Oh nooooooo! Everyone upstairs hears Phil yelling, so they run down to the basement, but Phil is nowhere to be seen. Jon decides that, hey, we definitely heard the yelling coming from down here, but maybe Phil is in the attic? Uhh, what? Anyway, then they discover that their shaggin’ wagon is gone, so they’re like, hey, Phil probably went into town to buy some drumsticks, typical old Phil, That’s So Phil, etc. etc. etc.

Night has fallen. Randy desperately wants Jon to slip her his Mikl Thor, but he’s too focused on his songwriting, his art, his craft, maaaaaan. Max and Dee Dee also wanna freak each other nasty, but they’re too shy to admit it. You know how 80s rock stars were notoriously sexually timid, right? Roger and Mary make sweet love and talk about how much they love being married and isn’t it great to be married and we’re so glad that we’re going to be married for a long time and definitely not turned into zombie demons off screen anytime soon, because yay marriage. We catch up with Stiggy just as he’s blasting a load into Gwen, and he seems very satisfied with himself. After he excuses himself to go to the bathroom, Gwen refers to him as “the one minute wonder,” because Gwen gonna Gwen. Stiggy is flexing in the bathroom mirror and doing a terrible Schwarzenegger impression, when all of a sudden a bodacious buh-buh-buh baaaaaaabe that we have never seen before is standing in the doorway. Instead of being like, umm, who the hell are you and how did you get into our house, Stiggy is like, oh, awesome, tits! But then the buh-buh-buh baaaaaaabe turns into a zombie demon creature. It kinda looks like Goosebumps’ The Haunted Mask crossed with Night of the Creeps. It puts it’s hand on Stiggy’s mouth, so now Stiggy is possessed, I guess? He goes back into the bedroom and Gwen is like ugh, what do YOU want? And Stiggy is like, dat ass. And he gets on top of her, and then from outside the room we hear Gwen screaming with orgasmic delight, so I guess demonic possession DOES have its upsides?

Now there’s a dumb and unnecessary scene where a bunch of teenage girls who are in the “Mississauga Chapter of the Tritonz fan club” or some such nonsense show up at the house and are like, Ohmygawd, it’s 2am, let’s go wake them up and…I guess ask for autographs or something? But who should answer the door? It’s Phil! Ummmm what? And Phil is speaking like an upper crust weirdo because I guess that’s what the movie thinks a possessed person would sound like, and he’s like, ok girls, the band will be down “in twenty minutes” (???), how about you take them titties out! And these girls, one of whom we just heard drop the word “retarded” in a derogatory way, are shocked that a rock band would wanna see some nude breasts. Phil gets angry at the lack of exposed lady nips, the girls leave, the camera pan down…Phil has a zombie demon hand! Cue the Vincent Price laugh, I guess!

Morning comes, and Roger and Mary are like hey its our first time washing dishes as a married couple and we’re totally married and being married is awesome, oh whoops, some zombie demon hands pulled us offscreen and now we seem to have zombie demon hands too! Drat! Over at the barn, Jon is like, hey, where’s Roger, off being married or something? Oh well, guess I’ll strap on this totally tubular headless bass which will never go out of style, so that we can play our next song, “Energy!” Gwen is happily rocking out, because Stiggy’s demon dick turned her frown upside down. When the song is over, everyone is like, wow Stiggy, your drumming sounds great, we’re not even concerned that your Australian accent has inexplicably vanished! Then everyone gets a case of the hornies out of nowhere. Stiggy is like, hey Gwen, let’s go down to the lake so I can give you more of that possession nookie. Max and Dee Dee decide that now’s the time to finally seal the deal vis a vis knockin’ them damn boots. Randy is like, hey Jon, we should probably fuck the color out of each other’s hair, right? And Jon is like…nah, I’d rather work on some lyrics. Sorry, Randy!

Down at the lake, Gwen takes her top off and is like, hey, here are my boobs, let’s do this. Stiggy, in his new, non-Australian accent, is like, OK, and then his stomach rips open and a devil hand pops out! Neat! Gwen screams as the demon hand cops a feel, and Max and Dee Dee hear it, but assume that it’s a scream of ecstasy. Now the movie turns into a softcore porno for like ten or fifteen minutes. Max and Dee Dee have a slow, passionate bonk sesh. Randy stops beating around the bush and is like, hey look, Jon-Mikl Thor, I’m naked, let’s go have a super awkward sex scene in the shower. Jon-Mikl Thor is like, sounds good to me, and they go have a super awkward sex scene in the shower. It’s so unfortunate, you guys. There’s gross tongue kissing and weird acrobatic poses. Like, movies love make it seem like shower sex is totally easy, but no no, I beg to differ! Anyway, Max and Dee Dee finish up their romantic porking and get dressed, when they spy Junior! From the beginning of the movie! What’s that lil’ rugrat doing there?! They chase after him, ending up in the barn, where, to their horror, he turns into what looks like the love child of Bud Cort and a Shar-Pei, and zombie demon murderizes both of them. Which I hear is way worse than being murderized by a human. My uncle told me.

Anyway, Jon-Mikl Thor is super annoyed that everyone has mysteriously vanished, so he goes over to the barn to work on some lyrics, just in time for Randy to encounter Junior herself. Our hero is working on those darn lyrics of his and enjoying a nice crisp refreshing Coca-Cola, when all of a sudden, the penis devil returns! But not only that, there are now a bunch of penis devils! One looks kinda old, one is greenish blue, one is even smoking a cigarette, can you even imagine?! What’s strange is, Jon-Mikl Thor doesn’t seem to notice any of them, even the one that’s sitting literally right next to him. Then Randy enters the barn, and it’s like, ok, she’s obviously possessed. She gets up in Jon-Mikl Thor’s face and is like, face it, all your friends are dead, everyone’s dead! To which Jon-Mikl Thor is like, nope, don’t think so. At which point, Randy is engulfed in a flash of red light…and turns into a giant rubber Satan puppet! Holy shit! Eat your heart out, tiny-ass Satan puppet from Prime Evil! Weirdly enough, Jon-Mikl Thor seems completely nonplussed by ANY of this. Cool as a cucumber with a feathery viking haircut.

Now, my dear Scumbags, we come to perhaps the most batshit guano crazy town banana pants plot twist I have ever seen in a movie. I’m not exaggerating. SPOILER ALERT, FOR CHRISSAKES. SPOILER GODDAMN ALERT.

Satan puppet is like, haha, I turned all of your friends into my zombie demon minions or whatever. Jon-Mikl Thor, still completely unshaken, is like, nah bro, you didn’t. To which a perplexed Satan puppet is like, umm, no dude, I’m pretty sure I did that shit, homes. Then, Jon-Mikl Thor drops a goddamn bombshell: 

“You killed no one, Bub. Or is it less familiar to call you Beelzebub? Or do you prefer Abaddon? Or, as the Hindus called you, Shaitan? Or, as you are known to answer to, Ahriman? Belial? Apollyon? Asmodeus? Because, you see… I do know you.”

IN OTHER WORDS, NONE OF THE OTHER CHARACTERS IN THE MOVIE WERE REAL!!!

Wh…wh…wh…

THEY WERE ASTRAL PROJECTIONS, CREATED BY ME, JON-MIKL THOR, TO DRAW YOU, SATAN PUPPET, OUT INTO THE OPEN SO THAT WE CAN DO BATTLE!!!

Wh…wh…wh…

AND I DID THIS BECAUSE I’M NOT REALLY JON-MIKL THOR, LEAD SINGER OF THE TRITONZ, I’M ACTUALLY TRITON, THE ARCHANGEL, THE INTERCESSOR!!!

AND JON-MIKL THOR RIPS OFF HIS CLOTHES TO REVEAL A SHINY CAPE AND A METAL CODPIECE!!!

And so the fight between Jon-Mikl Thor and Satan puppet begins, and oh my word, it is so goddamn charming. It’s like an Ed Wood fever dream. While the epic strains of our last Tritonz number, “We Accept the Challenge” blare triumphantly over the soundtrack, Satan puppet throws some rubber squid monsters at Jon-Mikl Thor, which he holds to his oiled chest while screaming in pain, as if they’re real, but then he rips them off and tears them to shreds! Yaaaay! Then he kinda gets Satan puppet in a chokehold for awhile, but then Satan puppet bitch slaps him and he falls to the ground! Oh noooooo! But then Jon-Mikl Thor gets Satan puppet by the ankles, and somehow gets him in a chokehold again? Ummmmm? Then the song ends, which means it’s time for the scene to end, so Satan puppet is like, you win this time, guess I’m going back to Hell until I find another Canadian family to harass with penis devils! To which Jon-Mikl Thor cooly replies, “I’ll see you again, old scratch.” Old what? Excuse me? What is any of this?

We then cut to a dark graveyard. Dark as in they seem to have forgotten to light this scene. Jon-Mikl Thor wanders up to some tombstones, we don’t know whose because he doesn’t say and again it’s dark, and he’s like, hey, good news, I choked out the Satan puppet, so you guys didn’t die in vain, anyway, byeeeee. Then we cut to a seemingly random shot of what looks like a suburban home, and then the movie ends. WOWZERS MCZOWZERS.

Simply put, Rock n’ Roll Nightmare is fucking awesome. I had an absolute blast watching this ridiculous cheese log of a movie. Having read the review, you may not be shocked to learn that, in addition to starring in the film and providing all of the music, Jon-Mikl Thor also wrote the screenplay and produced the movie himself. One may be tempted to call a film in which you cast yourself as a literal rock god who vanquishes the devil a vanity project, but I’m not sure that I would. I think a big part of a vanity project is a lack of self-awareness. Tommy Wiseau and Neil Green make vanity projects. To me, anyway, it seems like Jon-Mikl Thor is at least somewhat in on the joke here. The guy comes from the metal world, which is all about embracing over the top silliness, so of course he would make a movie that is chock full of over the top silliness. While I was watching it, I couldn’t stop thinking of Panos Cosmatos’s “Mandy,” another film that I recently saw and loved. Despite the fact that Cosmatos is somewhat of a visionary, and Thor and his director, John Fasano, well, aren’t, both films feel like the acid-soaked daydream of a teenage metalhead dude circa the mid 1980s. And I mean that in the best way possible. Sure, the dialogue is borderline alien, the acting is mostly awful, and the editing is beyond subpar, but when you’re dealing with a movie this fun, this weird, and this full of imagination, none of that stuff really matters. Hell, that ineptitude can sometimes even elevate what you’re watching, when there’s heart and soul. Which is all a long winded way of saying, hey hey, my my, rock n’ roll can never die. Thankfully, neither can Rock n’ Roll Nightmare.

[askwwwwd]

WHAT WOULD WONDER WOMAN DO?...about the lack of truth in society? (Originally published March 1, 2018)

Christie Marston, granddaughter of Wonder Woman creator is quoted saying that, “Wonder Woman is about two things: Love and Fair Play”. Last year I wrote a “WWWWD about the Inauguration of Donald J. Trump” article which weighed extra heavy on one of her primary messages: Love. It’s been just over a year since his inauguration, and after a cyclone of events, I have no choice but to now focus on her secondary message: Fair Play. Why, you ask? Because over the last 60 weeks there has been a barrage of behaviors encouraging inequality which has included (but is not limited to): name calling, bullying, taunting, intimidation, misinformation, misrepresentation, and just plain ole’ lying coming from the current Executive Branch of this White House administration. It has has both disappointed me and hurt me in multiple ways. I am disappointed because I initially embraced with a open heart, gave the benefit of the doubt, and based my stance on Wonder Woman’s first message (love). As as minority, it has hurt me to see an attempt to retract civil rights, religious groups overtly legally assaulted, and minorities (including many of my own) vilified (often via dog whistle politics). Yet, of all the behaviors, it’s the blatant lying and endorsement of easily provable lies, which has stood out to me as the most problematic.

Truth is a through line which operates as a foundation that unites us. It’s a cohesive material for societal unity and productivity, but over the last 2 years the idea of truth has been corroded, and incendiary behavior has been glorified. At this very moment someone is reading this and pontificating how invalid it is to claim that anyone in power has purported lies, even as evidence exists proving that lies have been purported. Truth plays one of the most important parts in the equation for ensuring fair play. “We hold these truths to be self evident that all men are created equal.” Yet, as we know, all men are not treated equally, and this unequal treatment is reinforced. Since the birth of our great nation, we can trace how the inequalities to which we give merit are often based on misconception, perception, assumption, and preconceived notions; A lack of facts and/or truth.

Seeing this happen with such alarming frequency over the last year, and seeing an entire branch of the Government in support of it, has created an internal conflict for me. I want to support and I want to walk the path of love, but I am torn. Why does history keep repeating itself? What can I do to help in the efforts to ensure Fair Play for all? And how can I walk the path of the warrior of peace? Today, I plan on taking a very good look at why we as humans operate on perception, assumption, and preconceived notions, and how we can correct it by asking what, for me, has become ‘the age old question’. It’s time for me to ask, ‘What Would Wonder Woman Do’ about the lack of truth in American society?

NO ONE CAN RESIST THE GOLDEN LASSO

First off, let me address what many who are reading this column for the first or second time might be thinking, which is that Wonder Woman and politics don’t mix. This is false. The truth is that Wonder Woman was born out of politics. She was conceived in 1941 during World War II as a piece of psychological propaganda to assist humanity in course correcting from the atrocious hate and oppression of the time, and was even based off many of the inequalities of the time; Specifically those suffered by women. Love and Fair Play were the messages Wonder Woman brought forth as a necessary antidote needed back then. It would seem they are needed again, and more than ever before. The division in culture and polarization of sides, has required her equally binary message. A vital and absolutely necessary element for us to again course correct in our current era. But how do we include them? Well, we must first have truth. As the bible says, “...you will know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.” (John 8:32). Truth and authenticity are a catalyst. An access to power, if you will, which seems to also be a biblical idea, and has transcended the centuries.

As a psychologist, Dr. William Moulton Marston must have been tapped into this idea, as the Amazing Amazon seemed to often utilize truth as a kind of weapon in her fight against hate and oppression during the Marston adventures; Mostly retrieving essential information during brief interrogation to aid her in apprehending villains. As a graduate student at Harvard, he began introducing some of his theory about truth, and became the forefather of the lie detector. So, it’s not surprising that many of Diana’s stories included this and sometimes visually reflected the process used in his systolic blood pressure test machine. I can only guess all of the aforementioned is why the lasso’s power, which was originally that of compulsion, was naturally associated with and evolved to also be a lasso of truth.

There really is something spiritually foundational to the human experience about truth as an access to power. I’ve been so happy to bear witness to so many Wonder Woman writers and artists explore this idea. George Perez , Phil Jimenez, Gail Simone, and Greg Rucka are those that immediately come to mind. In Rucka’s run, aptly titled “Lies & the Truth”, there are two scenes that perfectly illustrate this. The first is a scene drawn by Nicola Scott where the truth was a basic and there was actually space and room for compassion and fairness. This is an immaculate depiction of the exact representation our heroine brings forth. It’s what Wonder Woman is about. It is her message. It is who she is as a character. Her ability to use truth as a tool for love’s healing, unification, communion, and ability to open the door for providing fairness. It’s power is unmistakable and it’s concept has always been an essential component of the Wonder Woman mythos. But how do we emulate her example?

LASSO THE TRUTH

There is one truth to which I’m very present, and it is that lying originates from one place: us. Due to human nature, we as individuals are the author of lies. The genesis of a lie is on the individual level. However, they become potent on the collective level. It’s through the process of agreement reality which spreads lies in virus-like fashion, and gives them the power of creating chaos, division, and inequality. Therefore, I believe that if we can learn to correct a lie at it’s inception, which is on the individual level, we will almost self-innoculate. My theory is that this is cone by following Wonder Woman’s child-like inquisitional example of ‘Lassoing The Truth’ in ourselves.

In similar fashion that Phil Jimenez’s Wonder Woman was forced to be authentic while wearing the lasso, we must develop ways to detect the lies within ourselves. Lie detection seemed to be one of Dr. Marston’s specialties, as some of his most popular professional psychological work revolved around the topic. I think that it’s important to note that WMM III observed that lying puts stress on the body. So it would be easy to conclude that being truthful was healthier. Since Marston began his work as a Harvard graduate, I thought it might be interesting to look at another Harvard graduate’s work, who’s work paralleled his, focusing on how humans “short circuit” reality based on the assumptions and beliefs we develop; Basically how we create lies. I’m talking about Chris Argyris’s Ladder Of Inference. The Ladder consists of seven steps which may happen thousands of times a day, and examines how we (in the blink of an eye) process experiences. I’ve ordered the seven steps into 3 sections with corresponding advice on how we might follow Wonder Woman’s example and lasso the truth in ourselves. I hope you enjoy!

FACTS:

STEP ONE in the Ladder of Inference is where we first take in the facts of a situation. It’s where we get the raw data and observations of our experiences. I put this step in a category all by itself because it’s after this first step that we begin to veer off course. However, if we had not abandoned facts in the first place, which are the foundation of truth, then we probably would not need to move to the next step.

Truth, like love, can be a powerful weapon and force, which can even turn the tide of a war. Screen capture from Wonder Woman courtesy of Warner Bros. Entertainment.

In her early adventures, Wonder Woman’s need for authentic and accurate information in her fight against hate and oppression was invaluable, and we saw in the Wonder Woman movie starring Gal Gadot that this idea hasn’t changed. Yet acquiring factual information is not often an easy task. Being in a brand new and strange patriarchal society, I am sure Diana would often want to reject the atrocities she perceived around her. Yet she continually chooses to understand and accept what is going on around her. She stays true to the circumstances. If she didn’t then she wouldn’t be able to properly affect change. Staying true to the circumstances is not an easy task, but it is one that we can replicate even without gods given powers. Therefore, to me this reminds us that we must follow in her footsteps of ALWAYS sticking to the truth.

FABRICATION OF FICTION:

Next four steps in the Ladder Of Inference (2, 3, 4, & 5) are the parts where we begin to filter and fabricate from the experiences that we have. STEP TWO (Ffiltering) is where we, based on our preferences, tendencies, and many other aspects that we believe are important, we filter specific information and details from our experiences. In STEP THREE (Assign Meaning) is where we begin interpreting what our information is telling us, and assign meaning to the information that we have filtered through. STEP FOUR (Assumptions) is where we blur the distinction between what is fact and what is story and develop presumptions. In STEP THREE (Conclusions) is where we have emotional reactions due to the conclusions we have developed based on our assumptions.

Since all of these steps have to do with bias, I clumped them all together. During the early Marston adventures, the golden lasso was often utilized to get people to obey commands in an effort to help them become better. In Sensation Comics #19, Wonder Woman herself falls off course and is prey to falling off course. The magic lasso is used to bring her back to her senses and get her back on track. To me, this illustrated how we as humans can do our own course correcting. ‘Habitualizing’ following the path of truth, can help us bypass the human need to (often inaccurately) assign meaning, make assumptions, and draw conclusions. Therefore, I see the second lesson is that we must learn objectivity.

FOLLOW BLINDLY:

The last two steps (6 and 7) in the ladder have to do with how we exist in the world around us. In STEP SIX we (including the person or people involved in our current experience) adjust our beliefs about the world around us. Then in STEP SEVEN (take action) based on our adjusted beliefs, we take actions.

If you haven’t based things on fact, and aren’t objective, then these two last steps can have the consequences which lead to us acting upon our personal assumptions and conclusions, or following blindly without the truth. During many of her early adventures, Wonder Woman is seen questioning people in

counseling (‘tell me your story’), investigatory, and interrogatory fashions. Following others blindly didn’t seem to be how she operated. I believe this is because she had a strong core and center. Matter of fact, she even reveals at one very early point that the secret to her strength lies in her confidence. Christianity refers to truth as piece of the Armor of God, sometimes called The belt of Truth, in Ephesians 6:10-18. I find it to be no coincidence that, in the New Testament, truth is depicted as a belt which girds your center, or ‘hara’ as it is called in some Martial Arts, the cradle of the Soul. It is the intersection of mind and body. Therefore, I believe that this brings us to our last and final lesson. In order to have confidence, we must truly Know ourselves.

CHANGE OUR MINDS, CHANGE THE WORLD

Over the past year and a half, I have seen many in society willfully ignoring facts, and still presenting them as a true story. This is what lying is, and It leaves us powerless, creates conflict, and corrodes the cohesive material needed to unify us, which is truth. After reaching into Wonder Woman’s mythology, I found her golden lasso to be a metaphor for how to emulate her example. We must follow in her footsteps and lasso The Truth, specifically in ourselves, because that is the birthplace of all lies. Each one of us are a part of the global society, and share the responsibility of adhering to the ideal of truth. Therefore, Wonder woman’s example can only exult and heal us.

Lassoing the truth in ourselves can be difficult, because it requires a level of vulnerability. But as Marston observed, lying actually puts stress on the body, while being vulnerable, truthful, and authentic allows us to operate in better health, and is an access to incredible power. In a sense, learning this tool is a kind of rigorous Amazon training. Work and training is not an easy path, but the rewards are well worth it. If we practice always sticking to the truth,

practice learning objectivity, and practice knowing ourselves, we will be lassoing the truth in no time! Additionally, the faster that we as a society learn being truthful, the sooner we will see our collective consciousness unify and grow along with our increased productivity. So go out and develop your own practices for sticking to the truth, being objective, and knowing yourself. Share your practices with your friends. It’s how you will lasso the truth, and I truly believe it’s what Wonder Woman would do. And as George Perez’s Diana said, “Remember your power!”. With it, we truly can change the world.