#phoenix narratives

[baby-dips-into-the-taboo]

A living document

So, what is it that I'm doing here, sitting on the periphery of things, the edge of ideologies?

This is a special and, honestly, difficult day. It is a reminder of someone whom I loved very much. I know too much about grief and loss for someone who hasn't seen as much literal death as many people have; particularly, in this moment.

Many feelings and experiences seem to lie at the heart of the cult escapee's experience, including this familiar feeling of severing - of losing people who are very much living, who occupy space and time in a manner that is intimately acquainted to you, or that you're used to being very familiar with. Knowing you'll never see several people again, that your paths will diverge now, that like a coin flip you're eventually an enemy... In a way, it's a lot of break ups happening all at once. So much love lost - what can be done with this love? Possibly similar to experiencing a string of deaths in one's family (an experience that is, in fact, known to me), but with the added injury of having self-inflicted this pain with an eye to healing.

In some ways, leaving a cult, particularly for someone raised in it, is as radical an experience as the act of entering one for someone who wasn't raised in it. There is a symmetry to these things: the parent, grandparent, or ancestor completely leaves their understanding of reality and gains a lease on life, a sense of purpose, a community by adopting a new set of beliefs and leaving their old lifestyle behind. Similarly, their child or grandchild abandons the set of beliefs they are raised with to experience life in a completely different way - to completely rewrite their understanding of normal. Both child and ancestor are engaging in acts of curiosity and hope: they are rewriting how they transact with the world, how they relate to others, and so, in a lacunary fashion, leaving a cult or movement actually brings the younger generation closer to the parents who entered it even if proximity is removed or attachment is severed by leaving.

Interestingly, then, these multi-generational churches and movements, are stuck becoming a duopoly: they have to, of course, continue their current recruitment efforts, and they have to cater to an audience that has never been initiated from any other reality - that has never experienced the intensity, clarity, certainty, or euphoria around entering this space. There is no door for the latter audience to walk through, except out. How can they be kept sated - how can they be convinced that they have it so good that they never want to leave, or how can they be fed such despair about ordinary reality that it seems discolored and lacking any allure?

There are reasons why I wonder all this; reasons having to do with someone I've loved a lot, who is no longer accessible to me. It has been my choice to pull away from her, and now it seems that there is no going back - she was deeply hurt. Knowing her past breakups, she adheres to No Contact no matter what. Leave it to someone raised in a cult to understand how to go cold turkey serially, no matter the history or the true emotional cost.

I am living that 20s theme where some of us find ourselves consecutively severing relationships, becoming increasingly untethered, as the gaps in our lives and hearts are left unfilled. I find comfort in the memory of movies like Sleeping Beauty by Julia Leigh, even if I don't rewatch them because of the shame, the degradation.

Some of these losses feel like a gain: I am porous, elastic, like a sponge full of blood vessels and with eyes, free to stretch, bend, breathe in ways that weren't possible when I had fixed myself to accommodate things that didn't totally fit, and I couldn't admit it, thinking sometimes that I was just the worse for wear or unrested... Why is it, anyway, that sometimes a little bit of rest, a little bit of love, can make us anew?

And then there are times when the losses just leave this emptiness... Like a white noise machine at the top of its lungs, sucking us into the void with its O-gape scream. In times like those, I'm moving towards a siren barefoot, too saturated with dread to register the metallic chill of the rocks in this hypothermic air. So magnetized by the moment, I lose sight of the future and of myself.

This is the act of intentionally numbing yourself - something we never quite realize is taking a lot of effort and investment... How cycles or spiraling trick us into thinking they're effortless just because they have aced the short circuit. I brought you to a checkout line so quick and you do not remember how you got here instead of on that social media page for the ex you were initially planning to cyberstalk. "This doesn't exhaust you", the Devil always manages to say, unearthing some supernatural energy that cannot be found in routine.

(If Facebook were a family of functions, it would be mapping every human feeling or experience to an array of products, based on location, class, etc too of course. Any feelings you have, any connections you have, can be redirected towards shopping. Sometimes, I do wonder if cults work kind of the same: sublimate/repress what isn't useful for the cult's self preservation or proliferation, and the rest of feeling and connection can be subsumed to things within the cult. How much more of ourselves, of life, we can experience by metaphorically amputating some parts of ourselves. And, who knows, maybe sometimes it actually is a reasonable deal for some people: I'm sure some gain more than they lose.)

Anyhow, the promise of access to these hidden reserves of supernatural energy is part of what's, well, exhilarating about alternative lifestyles and religions. There is something about the humdrum of life, of routine, that makes us feel like we're not enough. Somebody or something seems to want more of us than we feel like we have, more of us than we can reasonably manage - at least not without some tailoring of our fundamental realities.

In America, our jobs are very good at this; frankly, in any economy that isn't developed it is common to break your back, but in America it's continually surprising because things will always be like this, no matter how developed or wealthy America gets to be.

There are too many ways to feel deficient, fractured, especially once you're already closely acquainted with this feeling because of the gift of history, of a continu: things were broken at the root, and don't people who know me, don't past memories, all love to remind me of this? Rites of passage swirl with all the bad stuff, so how can you forget? They are embedded in the reference points of your existence.

Personally, I could never be enough for my parents' egos - how could I possibly compensate for their insecurities, their proclaimed losses from choosing to birth, raise, and abuse me? And still, I haven't fallen into a single cult or movement, but chronically find myself in close proximity to cult members or recent/budding escapees. Where does this repeat proximity come from? Why are both parties magnetized by each other?

In any case, when it comes to her (the one whom I am recalling today), whether it be a kindness or a laziness, goodbye it is.

[ethanhuntfemmefatale]

sometimes i think about an AA universe where Edgeworth didn't have to be shuffled off every 5 seconds so he could maintain credibility as a rival....where Phoenix didn't have to win every case...yes AA is a game yes i understand why it did that for the narrative. but when I look at those lonely scared 24 year olds from AA1 i can't help but think that their version of a happy ending would be to be able to get used to each other. to face each other over stupid cases and small things. Sometimes one winning, sometimes the other, until it hardly matters anymore, all that matters is finding the truth together. I want them to take each other for granted!!! i want them to look at the other across the courtroom and say "time to face this bitch for the hundredth time i guess!!" these poor bastards have never had anything approaching emotional stability before let them have each other damn it

[clefadrylcorner]

The real loss of Capcom putting Kristoph in the basement is that we can no longer get any more scenes or context about the weird gay shit he and Phoenix had going on. I think they painted eachothers nails and shotgunned cigarettes together during the late hours and explored eachothers bodies once or twice, you know what I mean. I just feel like we could have had a scene where Phoenix talks about him in passing and says some shit like how when they drank together they only used one glass between the two of them; both because they were close and because it guaranteed to Phoenix that he wouldn't be poisoned by Kristoph if they were using the same glass, and then apollo looks at him like he just said he kissed his old boss with tongue. I just think it would be funny, you know

[indybob]

*Dagger Squad team bonding night some time after the mission*

Bob: Let’s play two truths one lie!

Hangman: Okay, I’ll go first. My eyes are blue, I played quarterback for my high school football team, and Rooster and I have been hooking up since the end of the mission

Maverick: Come on, Hangman, you’ve gotta try a littler harder than—

Phoenix: —His eyes are green

Maverick, spitting out his drink: YOU TWO HAVE BEEN DOING WHAT?

Hangman, shamelessly: Specifically, we’ve been doing each other

Rooster: *blushes fiercely*

The squad: *groans in disgust*

Maverick: *passes out from shock*

[eclipse-phoenix]

[Hiero appeared to eclipse, letting out a slight scared chitter, staring at eclipse]

{Eclipse gives off a small hiss.}

[hyperfixatinator]

I've seen headcanons of Phoenix Wright having heterochromia; either due to him being born with it or due to head trauma via fire extinguisher in AA2. They often come with headcanons of why he'd hide them with colored contacts, of course.

But I haven't heard anyone bring up the headcanon of Phoenix's eye turning blue because of Dahlia's bottle pendant.

First off, the poison Dahlia used had possible side effects including loss of pigmentation and eye damage. This is evident in Diego Armando's hair turning white and vision problems.

Fun fact: blue eyes aren't caused by blue pigmentation. In fact, they have little to no pigmentation at all. The blue we see is just light reflecting weirdly until only blue light is all we perceive from them.

Secondly, the poisoned pendant Phoenix ate in Turnabout Memories was empty at the time, but the risk of it containing leftover traces was very real. He even chewed it, raising the chances of those traces entering his system.

Diego had a significantly higher dose than Phoenix, but let's not forget Dahlia had faith that 1 contaminated pill of Cold Killer X would do the trick. Even if there was less than a drop remaining in that bottle, it had the potential to at least do some damage.

Damage that could result in the loss of pigmentation in someone's eyes.

[vim-phoenix]

{Vim is locked in a cage in the medic center, laying there unconscious due to all the sedatives.}

{Meanwhile, Eclipse is in her own cage, on the other side of the lab.}

[toads-n-moss]

[ no dl6 au ]

blinded by the blood, until all i see is you

little blood rendering test for one of my no dl6 au case pieces :D

this too so long ough,,,,

[ID in alt text]

[maybepolly]

drowning in phoenix and apollo's relationship because it's not easy it's not easy at all but i know apollo is there waiting for the grand gesture and he knows it's not coming he will never admit he wants it but god. he Knows he's somewhat important to phoenix but how much?? is phoenix willing to truly put himself in danger to save apollo? is apollo willing to let him?? or is it going to be yet another step in the cycle of sacrificing for something neither of them truly believe in????

[theggning]

One thing I think the game and fandom gloss over a bit is the fact that Godot has a very understandable reason for his grudge against Phoenix. By and large, both canon and fandom focus on Godot's anger at Phoenix as a projection of his own guilt and grief at Mia's death (and fandom likes to willfully misconstrue this as sexism, a take I'm sick to death of.) But it is also pointed out that Phoenix was very much an accessory to Diego's poisoning.

I mean, not willingly, of course. Phoenix is another unwitting victim of Dahlia's manipulations, and he clearly has no idea he's being used to hide the necklace that would implicate her in a crime. He would never be found legally culpable of Diego's attempted murder. But I feel like it is completely natural and understandable for Godot to be angry about it, learning after the fact that his blatantly obvious "murder" was an unsolvable mystery for nearly a year because some dingus walked off with the evidence. How could anyone have fallen for Dahlia's act like that? How could he have been so stupid and gullible? And now that idiot has "inherited" Mia's legacy? Of course Godot's pissed off about it. I would ALSO be pissed off if someone I perceived as culpable in an awful, life-ruining crime against me were enjoying what I perceived as unearned success tangentially on the back of my suffering!

There are also, no doubt, plenty of desperate "what ifs" in his mind, what could have happened if the necklace didn't go missing. What if having a sample of the poison could have helped the doctors save him? What if there was a way to reverse it, or mitigate the damage to his body? What if he could have woken up sooner than he did? What if he could have been there and saved her?

Is Diego's poisoning in any way Phoenix's fault? Of course not. Would having the evidence in hand have saved Diego, or changed any of the horrible toll the poison took on his body? Who knows? Is any of this rational? No, but human feelings rarely are, and Diego falls into a particularly awful place mentally and emotionally when he awakens. With his life ruined, his body a wreck, and his love gone forever, he feels nothing but hatred for the oblivious idiot who fell for Dahlia Hawthorne's act. The man who let his guard down and let her manipulate him. The man arrogant enough to call himself a "defense lawyer" who wasn't there when Mia Fey was brutally murdered. And what if he could have saved her, if only he was?

And also he's mad at Phoenix. But only incidentally for the more concrete fact that he unintentionally "helped" Dahlia poison Diego. I think this is partially why so many people accuse Godot of holding a grudge "for no reason." The narrative gives much greater weight to the self-hatred/projection aspect of Godot's anger, and that's a lot more nebulous and hard to nail down than a straightforward "I hate you because you did X."

Phoenix didn't really "do" anything. Neither Diego's poisoning nor Mia's death were in any way his fault. But crucially, that's one other thing glossed over too easily: it wasn't Diego's fault either. Though T&T leaves off with Diego once again heaping the blame on his own shoulders, I desperately hope that in the aftermath, Phoenix or Mia or a licensed therapist get to sit him down and help him realize this.

Diego doesn't need to forgive Phoenix. He needs to forgive himself.

[the-valiant-valkyrie]

i see a lot of interpretations of zor being this otherworldly, anomalous presence- larger than life, practically non-human. and i, too, like perceiving zor through this veil of anonymity. i think making them too tangible or perceivable really detracts from what's been established about their character.

but, i personally really, really like the thought of zor being human. mortal. but terrifying to the point where you'd be forgiven for forgetting it.

i think one of the things that i adored about ieytd before the third game dropped (and honestly made me a little disappointed when it was changed later on) was the fact that the agency never had a face. it just... was what it was. it had facets- granted, the EOD was always the only one of any relevance. but, really, think about what we know about the agency between all three games. compare that to how much we know about zoraxis.

there's something really appealing to me about zor being who they are... they're probably the most wealthiest person on earth. they had a monopoly that quite literally gripped the world in their first- as their emblem would suggest. they hire some of the most lethal minds in the world- chemists, inventors, engineers.

and yet... despite it all, they're just one person. to me, their anonymity is a shield against the fact they are a person. they hide behind the lethality and prowess of their elite operatives- not to mention we've seen how clever they can be when it came to manipulating prism. they're by no means useless.

but what would they be without their anonymity? what would they be without the weapons they didn't design, the lairs they didn't build, the employees they use as human shields? the second zor is gone, zoraxis crumbles. they are the support pillar of their entire corporation.

... but what's the agency's equivalent? even post morales being a character, can we be certain that he's the glue holding the entire organization together?

think about zoraxis' most lethal schemes. seizing control of the world's atomic weaponry. striking targets anywhere on earth's surface with a giant laser. exploding the brain of every telekinetic agent on the planet. are they really seeking to cause as much damage as possible- to the agency specifically, collateral, or otherwise?

or do they not know where to strike. zor's tactic- for as high the stakes have been escalating- has always carried a similar motif. cleave and strike indiscriminately until the threat is neutralized.

but it never works. zor is lashing at a hydra- sprouting new heads where the old ones have been lopped off. they don't seem aware of how to destroy the agency other than exterminating each and every one of them off the face of the earth, in whatever way is most convenient at the moment.

i just think there's something to be said about zoraxis- and by extension, zor- always being seen as this oppressive, near-otherworldly force, constantly applying pressure on phoenix... when for all we know, zoraxis could be perceiving the agency in the exact same light.

zor, ultimately, has one beating heart. the agency has thousands. and all of them are dispensable.

[the-judicial-assistants-notebook]

people talking about edgeworth helping phoenix during his seven year stint and supporting him through his depression as if we all don't know that the only person from that family who'd be able to get phoenix to do shit is franziska. smh.

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is being sick of "They aren't dating anyone so they must be gay/a lesbian!"

Nothing against people headcanoning characters as gay or lesbian (I'm arospec ace and gay) but like. Aromanticism exists too.

(This was brought on by seeing a slide in a PowerPoint in my English Lit lesson today (13th March), I didn't see it fully since the teacher was just skipping over it quickly to check some other context stuff but it said something about how in the book we're studying, Jekyll and Hyde, none of the major characters are in romantic relationships and therefore it's possible that they could be gay. I might bring up that they could also be aro when my teacher brings it up?)

.

[goldenphoenix116]

fun things i hope to see in beyond the spider-verse

hobie instigating

more trans flags on and around gwen

peni parker. just. as much of her as possible

noir + hobie bonding over punching nazis

hobie and pavitr bestie shenanigans

more of gayatri! i get that she's a side character but i really like her

at least one joke where spider-ham gets offended at hobie saying he hates pigs

the writers really leaning into the huge queer metaphor that is spider-man

(i mean like. not that they didn't already, whether intentional or not)

the spider-band being a band. i need them to play a song together,,, please,

miles being happy :)

also miles kicking ass

a proper evil twin fight between the two miles...es

for NOTHING TRAUMATIC to happen to pavitr

miles pulling spider-ham's hammer (spider-HAMmer?) from his pocket

more baby mayday <3

[krakenshaped]

Alright I've had like 5 hours of sleep but it's fine, let's talk about the parallels between Ryo Marufuji and D.D, the importance of Sho Marufuji to the themes GX tries to convey - whether you wanna admit of not - and as our queen Gaga describes it: The Fame Machine™️

More under read more

So. On one hand. Ryo Marufuji. He's truly a specimen. A divisive and fascinating character. He's the embodiment of a downward spiral that only gets more and more dire as the series goes on. On the other, D.D. Edo Phoenix' narcissistic adoptive father. These two shouldn't really have any correlation, after all while Ryo and Edo have their conflict, Ryo has nothing to do with D.D or Edo's character arc during the finale of season 2.

Except that D.D's backstory lines up relatively well with Ryo's descent to Hell Kaiserhood. It's just that D.D went the extra mile. And in the end it says a lot about GX's minor themes - that being an exploration of what it means to be successful, how negative influences in your childhood can affect you and liberating yourself from those negative influences.

Let's dive a little bit more into themes. Because all media have themes and purposes no matter how mundane and pointless those purposes are. While ygo GX's purposes is undoubtedly to sell trading cards to teens, its main theme centres around growing up - something a lot of the shounen's primary demographic will heavily relate to. Yugioh GX is a coming of age story about a schoolboy and his friends as they explore the world and grow and change, their pursuit for success and glory and the grief of losing your naive view on the world but coming out a stronger, better person because of it. A lot of that is explored via character arcs and sub-themes, such as Manjoume's season 1 character arc emphasising how much toxic/abusive family members can change and affect how you present yourself to the world and the liberation that comes with cutting them off. Similarly, D.D contributes to this theme via his treatment of Edo and the role he plays in Edo's story as well as weaving a cautionary tale of what can happen to a person when they become so desperate for fame and success that they change permanently for the worse.

But Ryo also follows this theme. Not to the same extreme or in the exact same way, but he does.

Ryo Marufuji starts the series as a 3rd year high school student - just on the cusp of graduation. He's the top of his class. He has it all. He was handpicked and trained by his mentor and trusted with cards of sacred value - ultimately promised success. And did he work hard for that success. He worked so hard he isolated himself from his family and spent every waking moment in the mountains, training.

And then he graduates. His debut duel is with Edo Phoenix. The cycle begins.

Edo crushes Ryo. As in completely destroys him. Nukes him. Ryo doesn't even have a chance. Humiliates him publicly just because he can. Behaviour he learned from D.D - to crush all threats to your career underfoot because nothing else matters. Ryo goes down a spiral. He flunks so hard from the pro leagues he falls all the way down to where even amateurs mock him. He's become the laughing stock of the dueling industry. He hits the underground dueling ring. He has a truly horrific, traumatising experience where he's almost electrocuted to death on top of being humiliated once more. And he comes out a different person. A person who has abandoned all moral compass and dignity and cares only about one thing.

Success.

The cycle has passed from D.D's narcissistic treatment of Edo, to Edo' learned behaviours, to Ryo's Hell Kaiser transformation. In mere episodes to come, Ryo would carry on this cycle in his treatment of Sho, attempting to humiliate, crush and ultimately severely injure him. Even if this act was in an attempt to scare Sho out the entertainment industry, he has contributed to the cycle of abuse and has attempted to inflict his learned ideals of "nothing but success/victory matters anymore". It's this duel that D.D and Ryo truly become parallels.

Like how D.D goes mad over fame, stole precious cards and begins to manipulate and emotionally abuse Edo, Ryo (through Edo's influence) does the same. He goes mad over fame and power, steals the cyberdarks, and comes back to berate and hurt Sho.

The major difference between D.D and Edo vs Ryo and Sho is that while Edo doesn't break the cycle until the damage has been done, Sho manages to successfully break this cycle from the start. Even if he comes out of it zapped half to death and degraded beyond belief, he refuses to let go of the way of life Ryo taught him before he fell from grace. That respect is of utmost importantance.

And when the time comes when Ryo faces the consequences of his insane new lifestyle, Sho steps up to take care of him despite how vile Ryo was to him. Sho takes that step to try and heal their relationship. The cycle of abuse ended with him. And Ryo begins his own personal healing journey as a result. It shows Sho's inner strength - strength he earned from trial and error through the show. Because it takes a lot to break that cycle - after all. Look at Edo.

Honestly if GX was a seinen instead of a shounen and these themes were dwelled into a little more it could have been so profound. Whether the parallel was there on purpose or not, I think they had a good idea going for it if only they went into a little more detail. I could talk about Ryo and how STRANGE his character arc is for an anime who's demographic is like 13-16 year olds or something with his weird exploration of trauma, being failed by the education system (especially as a character that's autistic coded) and weirdly enough?? Borderline hypersexuality?? (That is its OWN can of worms which will require trigger warnings relating to S/H and im not getting into that here, I've rambled enough)

GX is a fucking drug trip.

[eclipse-phoenix]

[You hear some spikes rattling but as you look around, you see nothing]

*She watches eclipse from the shadows, eyes turned to slits as she rattled her spikes letting out a quiet hiss*

Hisss..

*chirp?*

{Eclipse looks around from the tree branch she's perching on.}