#please do not expect this kind of consistency from me normally lol

[hello-i-exist]

A Spiel about AU classification

Okay so recently I've been annoyed by people calling things that are obviously not AUs. Well, at least in my opinion. So, here's my classification list for the different kind of fanfics in terms of AUs. This can apply to any fandom, but I recommend using Undertale fics as practice, as many non-AUs in that fandom are classified as AUs. (Also I've been working on this for a while so please tell me if it's good lol)

Let's get started with:

The Canon-Compliant Fic

This class of fic is a fic that could, or possibly has, happened in Canon. This type of fic can be a bit difficult to classify, given that it has a lot of specific parameters in order to truly be compliant. This class includes written forms of scenes, novelizations, and scenes that could have taken place in canon, but just were not seen. As expected, this is not an AU. Obviously.

The Canon-Divergent Fic

This class of fic is a fic that diverges from the original canon, not via a removal or addition of a trait or factor, but rather by changing a choice made by a character, or something similar. Perhaps somebody survives an event that killed them in canon, or they choose to trust a character that betrayed them. Most often, Canon-Divergent Fics tend to go one of two ways, those either being very similar to canon but with an added character, or an absolute derailing of canon starting from a single event. While this is technically an Alternate Universe, this is not an AU. Now, you maybe thinking 'those are the same thing!', but, in truth, they have very different connotations in fandom. An Alternate Universe is typically a term used in a story, and is used when travelling between worlds. An AU is a term used IRL, and is currently being described in this list. HOWEVER. If a Canon-Divergent fic diverges enough, and adds enough things, then it could potentially become a Canon+ Fic, and even balloon into an AU. It depends on how far from canon it is.

The Canon+ Fic

This type of fic is similar to Canon Divergence, but differs in a key way- It adds something to canon that wasn't there before, usually a new character or characters. This is the class where you'll find things like Isekai fics and Soulmate fics, as well as ones where, as an example, one character is secretly a dragon shifter or werewolf where normally they would not be. It's difficult to classify, and often hinges on the edge of an AU. Speaking of which, this either can or can't be an AU depending on how major the changes are. The best way to classify it is by asking the question, "does this AU need a name or just a brief description?"

The True AU

A True AU is usually beyond just a fic. These can have their own Tumblr pages dedicated to them, and sometimes even multiple of them, and can be picked up and have other people give their own interpretations of it. To be a True AU, there must be one, sweeping change across all of the fandom's world that has a consistent theme to it. For example: familiar ones like the Coffee Shop AU, the College AU, the Modern AU, and the Character Swap AU. Do Note that Canon-Divergent fics and Canon+ fics can blossom into True AUs if they diverge enough, and add too many things.

So there's my AU classification! Tell me if you agree or not in the comments, but please keep it civil.

[thebonerpit]

cheerleader [FIC]

cheerleader

Rom Howney, 3896 words, [E], read on Ao3 here

A very seasonally appropriate fic in which Robert throws a Halloween party. Tom hates Halloween but decides to wear a costume he's wanted to try for years.

“I just don’t understand it.”

Tom frowns as he stares at the racks upon racks of zombies, clowns, vampires, and sexy nurses in front of him.

“I mean, to be fair, you don’t understand much of anything, do you mate?”

“Fuck off,” Tom says, whacking Harrison on the arm. “But seriously! Why do Americans go so absolutely mental for this stupid holiday?”

“Again, having trouble with the fact that you, an actor, who plays dress-up FOR A LIVING, doesn’t understand this. It’s not like this is any weirder than a fancy dress party. Plus, you get candy!”

Ok, he does have a point there.

Tom lets out a deep sigh. He wouldn’t even be bothering with all this if it weren’t for Robert. An invitation appeared in his inbox last week for a Halloween party, and when you’re invited to a Halloween party at Robert Downey Jr.’s house, you don’t turn it down. Even if Halloween is incredibly stupid. He shuffles along through the rows of costumes, rolling his eyes at werewolf masks and inflatable dinosaurs.

“This is ridiculous,” he mutters. Harrison groans, his hands already full of the various parts of a Mad Hatter costume.

“Just pick something, who cares?!”

“There’s too many options!”

“Ok, look. Halloween is the chance to dress any way you want to and have no one judge you for it. Just think about that. What have you always wanted to be?”

Tom immediately knows what the answer is, but instead of replying he just huffs and turns down another aisle that’s covered in fairy wings and glitter. He can’t possibly do it. Especially not for this party. For Robert’s party. It would be… inappropriate. He rounds the corner again and is faced with a shockingly huge assortment of superhero costumes. A foam version of Thor’s hammer sits on the shelf to his right, and he smirks as he picks it up and gives it a good twirl.

“In your face, Hemsworth,” he mutters quietly.

There’s a whole row of different Spider-Man costumes which makes him smile, especially when he sees a flimsy synthetic fabric version of the Iron Spider suit. And right next to that – a placement that thrills him even more than the suit alone - are the Iron Man costumes. Plastic faceplates, arc reactor gloves with LED lights, fabric onesies with fake, puffy muscles sewn in… it’s all there. Tom runs a finger along the edge of the faceplate before snatching his hand away like he’s been burned.

It’s all he can think about, even as they leave the store after Harrison buys his costume and Tom walks out empty-handed. He thinks about it on the ride home and through dinner until he finally makes excuses and runs off to hide in his room, laptop in hand, and puts on Iron Man 2. It doesn’t take long to get to the scene he wants. Tony Stark, diving through fireworks, landing on a flashy stage, surrounded by his Ironettes. Tom bites his lip as he stares intently at the bright red booty shorts, the long gloves, the crop tops… maybe, if he altered it just a bit, if he wore the mask… He can already feel his face heating up at the prospect of walking into Robert’s house dressed like that. Would he laugh? Would he be weirded out? Or… would he like it? Tom pushes the laptop off to the side and lets the movie play as he touches himself, coming to the sound of Robert’s voice in his headphones.

* * * * *

Tom is going to throw up. It’s inevitable, at this point. He’s in the back of a car squished between Harry and Harrison and he’s going to throw up. His stomach is in knots and he can’t remember ever being this nervous in his life. He’s used to the fluttering before a big stage performance or audition, but those nerves are more like excitement. This is sheer terror and he is going to THROW UP.

“Can you calm down? Jesus, you’re going to ruin my costume if you don’t stop squirming!” Harrison jabs a sharp elbow into his side and Tom jerks away into Harry who pushes him back.

“I just… I need some air.”

“The windows are all open! Take the mask off!”

That is the absolute last thing he wants to do. He was only able to leave the house in this costume with the mask securely over his face and he doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to take it off. He must be red as a tomato.

“Look, we’re here!” Harry crows. The car finally comes to a stop and they all pile out. Tom wants to collapse on the soft grass but he’s pulled along by four strong hands.

“Maybe I should… Look, I’ll just wait out here for a bit, ok? I just need—”

“Nope, absolutely not. Look mate, we already told you, he’s going to love it. Maybe not in the way you want him to-“ Tom punches Harry in the arm for that “-BUT, regardless, he’ll love it. You look great. And this is coming from someone who never turns down an opportunity to tell you you’re an ugly twat.”

“That was… almost sweet,” Tom says, and then yelps as they both drag him inside.

The party is in full swing and is absolutely packed with people. Small groups are standing around chatting, all in costume, and a live band is playing in the huge backyard to a crowded dancefloor. Tom recognizes only a few people – it’s hard to miss Scarlett even when she’s dressed like Morticia Addams – but that doesn’t bother him. Normally he loves mingling and meeting new people, and even dressed as he is it’s still exciting. It’s even easier after he quickly downs a few strong drinks, careful to only pull up the mask as far as it needs to go. The urge to vomit has pretty much dissipated and he’s actually beginning to enjoy himself, twirling around the dancefloor like a maniac until he’s slightly sweaty and out of breath.

“Water break!” he yells to Harry and squeezes through the crowd of people to get some air and hydrate. He finds a relatively quiet corner where he can chug half a water bottle in peace and is enjoying the cool air on his skin when someone taps him on the shoulder. He startles and nearly drops the bottle but manages to save it before turning around.

“Nice catch.”

Oh fuck. It’s him. It’s Robert. He hasn’t seen him the whole evening and assumed he was off being a good host so the whole thing almost slipped his mind, but now it’s all rushing back and he has to grip on to the fence post beside him to steady himself.

“Love the costume. Not exactly how I remember the Ironettes looking but I gotta say, this might be an improvement.”

Tom nearly chokes. He decided he couldn’t pull off the real Ironette costume as the distinct lack of breasts made it look a little awkward. So, he improvised. The shiny red and gold booty shorts stayed, of course. They made his ass look incredible. He bought the long red and gold arc reactor gloves and the plastic faceplate from the Halloween store, and instead of heeled boots he found a pair of gold high-tops and knee-high red socks. The shirt was the most difficult part, though. He went through a few variations before settling on something cute and comfortable: a red, cropped tank top. It was a bit loose and thin, so it flowed around his chest nicely and was short enough to show off his abs and his tiny waist. He also managed to find an LED necklace to serve as his arc reactor. It glowed a soft blue through the thin fabric of the shirt. Overall, he’s incredibly proud of what he came up with. Especially for someone who hates Halloween.

And now, with the way Robert is staring at him, he’s VERY happy he was brave enough to wear it.

“Is there someone under that gorgeous mask? Or are you too shy to say hello?”

Tom steels himself, takes a deep breath, and pulls the mask off.

Robert’s face goes through a myriad of emotions almost all at once. Shock, delight, amusement, and what is unmistakably arousal.

“Well. Tom Holland. As I live and breathe.” His voice is lower than before, more intimate, and when he takes a step forward Tom swears he feels the temperature go up by at least two degrees. He also notices that Robert is wearing eyeliner. The black kohl makes his eyes look even more gorgeous, and then there’s the red glitter dusted across his cheeks and around his hairline that is giving him an almost eerie glow.

“What are you supposed to be, then?” Tom asks. Robert smirks and points to the two small horns sticking out from his hair.

“The Devil, of course.”

“Of course,” Tom repeats weakly. It was barely a costume, the deep maroon suit looking more like red carpet attire than anything else, but fuck it looked incredible on him.

“I am the purveyor of sin on this fine evening,” he says, gesturing to the party, “so I thought I’d play the part. But you… you look far more sinful than me.”

Tom squeaks as Robert steps even closer and taps at the arc reactor on his chest.

“Cute,” he murmurs.

“Just… just wanted to show you how much of a fan I am… Mr. Stark.”

Robert’s eyes snap up to Tom’s and he doesn’t think he’s ever been looked at so intensely in his entire life.

“Is that so… Mr. Parker?”

Tom whines, loud enough for Robert to hear it. His hand travels down Tom’s body to squeeze at the bare skin of his waist.

“I think—”

“Robert!!”

They both jerk back as if they’re waking up from a trance. Someone is yelling for Robert and waving him inside, and he acknowledges them with a quick gesture. Turning back to Tom, he licks his lips and leans in to whisper in his ear.

“I think we’ll have to continue this later. Don’t leave without saying goodnight. Alright?”

“Yeah. Yes. O-ok. See you later,” Tom stutters, and when Robert disappears inside he chugs the rest of the water bottle and collapses back against the fence to catch his breath.

* * * * *

All the telltale signs of a party winding down are there. Most people have left, the band has stopped playing leaving only some low background music emanating from the speakers around the house, and the guests that remain are splayed out on various couches and chairs, half their costumes missing and happily drunk. The kitchen is a disaster and Tom feels bad adding more bottles to the mess, but he’s on a mission and can’t stop to tidy. After his run-in with Robert he only saw him briefly a few more times, mostly through a massive crowd, but he didn’t forget his words from earlier.

Don’t leave without saying goodnight.

Harrison and Harry have already gone home. They tried to get him to come with but Tom pretended to be enthralled in a conversation and told them he’d catch up in a bit. Now he’s wandering the massive house, peeking into various rooms as he looks for Robert. He gave up on wearing the mask after they met in the yard so it’s pushed up on his head like some sort of strange visor, his curls a sweaty mess beneath it. The second floor is quiet and empty; no one really came up here during the party anyway so it’s also much cleaner. A set of closed double doors is in front of him, and it’s the only place he hasn’t looked, so…

Tom slowly opens one door and pokes his head inside. Robert is lounging on a massive bed, scrolling on an iPad, glasses perched on his nose. He’s still got the horns on his head, and when he glances up over the rim of his glasses to smirk at Tom, he really does look positively devilish.

“Found you,” Tom says, trying to appear completely casual when his heart feels like it’s about to explode from under his ribcage.

“So you did. Come in. Close the door.”

Robert makes no effort to move so Tom slowly walks over to the bed, suddenly very conscious of how tight his shorts are as Robert unabashedly roams over his body with hungry eyes. He stops at the edge and toes at the plush carpet with one foot.

“Have you been drinking?”

Tom nods.

“How much?”

“Not that much,” Tom replies, understanding what Robert is trying to ask. “But maybe just enough to give me some liquid courage.”

Robert raises an eyebrow but waits patiently for Tom to make the first move, only shifting slightly to drop the iPad and his glasses on the nightstand. Guess it’s now or never.

He kneels on the edge of the bed with one leg first, testing the waters. Robert stays perfectly still. A deep inhale to steady himself and then Tom goes for it, pushing up on the bed and straddling Robert’s lap. He hesitates for only a moment before settling right on the seam of those expensive maroon trousers.

A pleased hum rumbles out of Robert’s chest as he runs two smooth, warm hands up Tom’s spread thighs to his waist.

“My own personal cheerleader, hm? I always knew you looked up to me but I never expected this… Pete.”

He catches Tom’s eye and gives him a brief wink. Tom’s heart speeds up even more as excitement bubbles in his stomach. Playing. Robert is playing with him. He was desperately hoping he wouldn’t drop this, leave it as the brief tease it was back in the yard. Acting with Robert is one of his favourite things in the entire world, and being able to do it like this? God, for the first time he’s actually happy that Tony Stark is dead because he’s never going to be able to act across from him again without thinking of this moment.

Robert nuzzles into his neck and starts leaving wet, sucking kisses all along the line of his throat. Tom shivers at the sensation and then starts to giggle when the tickle of Robert’s beard is too much against his sensitive skin. Robert laughs into his neck and nips playfully.

“You’re so darn cute,” he whispers. Robert has always been free with his compliments, telling Tom he’s handsome or pretty or talented, but somehow it just hits different when his hands are also squeezing Tom’s ass.

“Want to touch you, Mr. Stark,” Tom murmurs into his ear, easily switching his accent to sound even more like Peter. He feels Robert shudder underneath him and can’t help the pleased smirk that crosses his face.

“Yeah?” Robert says, grasping his chin gently so he can look into his eyes. “Do you even know what you’re doing, sweetheart?”

Tom absolutely knows what he’s doing, but Peter…

“I… uh… I was hoping you could teach me. I’m a really quick learner, sir,” he says softly.

“Jesus fucking christ,” Robert mutters, breaking character for a moment. He collects himself quickly though, shifting Tom in his lap just enough so he can undo his trousers and pull himself out. Tom’s mouth literally waters at the sight of Robert’s dick and he uses every ounce of willpower not to just pounce on him immediately.

“Want to feel your mouth, Pete,” Robert says, rubbing a thumb along Tom’s lower lip. “You can go slow. Use your tongue.”

“Yes, Mr. Stark,” Tom replies, trying not to sound too eager. He shuffles down a little and purposely sticks his ass up in the air. The red and gold shimmer on the shorts catches the dim light and he gives his hips a quick wiggle when he sees Robert staring.

“Maybe I should’ve reworked the design on your suit, hm? You like wearing little shorts like this?”

Tom nods and presses his face into the curls at the base of Robert’s dick, inhaling the scent of him. He feels the thick cock jerk against his cheek and angles his head to lick up the whole length of it, swirling his tongue at the tip. The bitter taste of precome blooms in his mouth and he moans, forgetting himself for a moment as he starts to give a much more experienced blowjob than what Peter would be capable of. Robert knocks the mask off Tom’s head so he can tighten his hand in his messy curls.

“Jesus,” Robert groans, “you’re good at this, kid.”

“Mmm, just want to make you feel good, sir,” Tom hums. He manages to remove one of the arc reactor gloves so he can grip Robert’s cock while he uses his mouth everywhere he can reach.

“Well, you’re doing a—fuck, god—a damn fine job.”

Tom thinks he could stay here forever, on his knees, mouth stretched almost painfully around Robert’s cock. He explores up his chest with his other hand, rubbing at one nipple with his thumb which makes Robert jerk underneath him.

“Keep doing that,” Robert spits out as he pushes Tom’s head down even further. He gags a bit but the incredible sensation of being stuffed and used overrides everything else and he takes every inch Robert gives him while tugging and pinching at his apparently very sensitive nipples. He drifts for a bit, so content and fuzzy, and only comes back when Robert pulls him off and throws him down on the bed.

“Pull up that shirt for me, sweetheart. Gonna paint your pretty chest with my come.”

“Oh my god, fuck, yes, please, please, want it,” Tom moans, shoving the fabric out of the way as Robert jerks himself off quickly above him. He can’t decide whether to watch his dick or his face when he finally comes, thick and white all over his chest and the arc reactor necklace. Robert’s slightly red in the face and gasping for breath as he steadies himself with a hand beside Tom’s head. Tom leans to the side to kiss at his knuckles and then dares to run his fingers through the come on the necklace and bring it to his mouth to taste.

“You’re going to give an old man a heart attack,” Robert says. His pupils are all blown out as he watches Tom hollow his cheeks as he sucks. Tom understands the feeling. He’s so hard in his shorts that it’s painful.

“Please,” he whispers, biting his lip, “will you touch me, Mr. Stark?”

“It would be a pleasure, Mr. Parker,” he replies. He palms him over the shorts which makes Tom buck into his hand. “As much as I love these… they have to go.”

The shorts are so tight that they both struggle to pull them down but finally they’re tossed off to a distant corner of the bedroom and Tom hisses as Robert immediately get his mouth on his cock. It feels absolutely heavenly, especially after being trapped in the confines of that uncomfortable fabric for so long. Robert takes his time, licks and sucks everywhere he can, all the way down to that sensitive spot right behind his balls. Tom whimpers as his tongue gets so fucking close to his hole but then pulls away.

“Want to use my fingers… s’that ok?”

“Y-yeah, please, yes!”

Robert grabs some lube from the nightstand and even warms it first before sliding one thick finger over Tom’s hole, pressing just the tip inside. Aside from the thrill of having Robert’s finger inside of him, the most incredible part is that he doesn’t stop sucking him off. The level of coordination is astounding and Tom would have complimented him on it if he was able to speak beyond moans and pleas for more. A second finger quickly joins the first and Tom’s body accepts it without hesitation.

“Good boy,” Robert murmurs in between gentle licks, “look at you, hm? So pretty and pink.”

Robert shifts him down a bit more which makes his legs fall open even wider. He feels so exposed and whines a little, trying to draw his knees close without squeezing Robert too much.

“Aw, don’t be shy sweetheart, you’re gorgeous,” Robert says. “You can put your legs up on me if that helps, ok?”

He hears the rubber of his high-tops squeak against Robert’s skin and somehow the sound is more obscene than anything else. He tries not to thump his heels too hard but fuck, Robert is doing something with his tongue that should be illegal and Tom can’t stop squirming. A low chuckle reverberates against his stomach as Robert pulls off briefly, his fingers still working in slow, gentle pushes.

“Aren’t you sensitive, hm?”

“P-please, Ro—Mr. Stark, please, need to come,” Tom begs, accent slipping slightly as he tries to shove himself down even deeper on Robert’s thick fingers. He’s held in place by the firm grip of Robert’s other hand on his waist and he whines petulantly.

“Anything for my favourite little spider,” Robert coos. He crooks his fingers and Tom arches up off the bed like he’s been shocked. He feels like he’s been on the edge since they first met in the yard and now Robert’s fingers are pressing right on his prostate and his hot mouth is back on his dick and he doesn’t think he could possibly hold off any longer if he tried.

“Gonna… gonna…” Tom’s whole body is taut, like a wire ready to snap, and when Robert takes him all the way down his throat he comes with a ragged gasp. Distantly he thinks he should be considerate and pull out but it’s like his body isn’t under his control anymore, and even though he hears wet choking noises it seems like Robert is just fine with him coming in his mouth. His fingers have stopped moving and he lets Tom clench around them for a few moments before gently sliding them out. Tom whines at the loss even though he’s so oversensitive right now he couldn’t possibly take anymore.

After taking a minute to catch his breath and regain any semblance of normal brain function, he finally looks down. Robert’s eyeliner is smudged and Tom feels a bizarre sense of pride about it. He can’t stop running his fingers through his salt and pepper hair which is also a complete mess.

“Just FYI,” Robert finally says, his voice a little raspy, “you’re going to be finding red glitter in every nook and cranny for about three years after this.” He punctuates that sentence by rubbing his cheek against Tom’s thigh, grinning as he does it.

“You’re a dick,” Tom says fondly, giggling even more as Robert continues to just rub his face all over his body. “But can’t say I’m gonna care that much if I’m being reminded about this.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Well,” Robert says, that absolutely devilish grin returning, “I can give you more than just glitter for that.” Tom squeals as he starts sucking a deep bruise into the inside of one thigh, teeth marks and all, that Tom presses on every time he sees it for the next week.

[kat-got-lost]

Hello! How are you? I hope you're okay ^^ Well I wanna request (If it's fine) Dream team in love with Y/N and fight for them (For wining their heart) some fluffy stuff u know UwU (If it's not fine with you please ignore this UnU have a good day ^^

hello loves it's 2am, im on mobile and decided to knock out some requests so sorry for weird formats :)

(A/N: changed up the request a bit, bc it was similar to something I've been thinking about the last couple days,,)

poly!dreamteam x cat hybrid!reader

warning// none

genre// fluff

format//headcanons, drabble

poly!dt x gn!reader (pronouns aren't exactly mentioned, male reader is implied but there's fem and gn options as well :)

(in game AU)

(A/N #2: forgot to mention y/n is like a cat shapeshift? they can turn into a cat but they've also got the human form which consists of the cat ears nd stuff)

before they find you they're not exactly dating, they're kind of on that edge where it's like "lol, yes, just homies, haha u n l e s s"

so, one day sapnap's out gathering more stuff from the mines because they're running out of stuff, after maybe a day or two, he's just doing his own thing and then he hears meowing and he's like "what the fuck"

very confused because you rarely see cats in caves and mines, at least not as deep as he was

sapnap's first though was "someone probably has an underground house and their cat got out" but after a bit of examining he realizes you don't have a collar or anything

you had gotten lost and seeked shelter in a cave until you could safely get back to your makeshift shack

you'd decided to stay in your cat form since it was more practical, and it took less energy from you

saps heart kind of just,,melts,,because you'd been lost and it'd been around a week since you felt comfort so you're purring and snuggling into sapnap's touch

sap sets up a small shelter for you and gives you some food and water, he was planning on heading back that day so he decided that the shelter would be safe enough to leave you in so he could finish his job

he takes you home to dream and george and is like "hey lol, we have a cat now" the second he sees you dream basically snatches you out of sapnap's arms and it's cooing at you and scratching your ears *he literally melts at your purs

george on the other hand, not as a estatic, he's not upset to have you here, no, no, not at all he's more "what the fuck we don't have the resources to properly take care of a cat"

dream runs a bath for you because of how dusty you are due to the cave dust

after sapnap gives you a bowl of warm milk and some fish they had, he lets you roam around the house and you settle on george's room where you join him on the bed

george knows you're on the bed and expects to wake up to a fuzzy cat cuddled up to him, but what the didn't expect was a whole ass human snuggled into his chest

screams. fucking s c r e a m s

sapnap and dream think he's just been murdered and run into his room

very confused when they see you, get a little protective of george and start yelling, it scares you and you transform back into your cat form and they're like ",,,o h h"

you transform back and you're like "hh sorry, do you want me to leave? or?"

all three of the boys just collectively go "N O" they all think you're a very cute kitty, kitty that is also a very pretty boy/person/girl? pog?

you explain how you got in the caves and the whole situation

skip forward a bit forward and they're used to your routine, having you around and just you in general

these boys, THESE B O Y S- they will absolutely smother you in affection

it's almost like a competition for them, they like to compete to see who can hold your attention longer or who can just get your attention in general

dream likes to bake with you and you guys curl up on the couch after and eat whatever you guys baked, sapnap likes taking you on adventures, takes you on picnics and through pretty fields, forests, etc george likes napping with you, loves cuddling with you because you're so soft and squishy, enjoys when you play with his hair and likes to play with yours (if you can't play with your hair he likes to just give you headpats and lots of cat ear scratches)

eventually you get annoyed of them arguing over who gets to do what with you and you're like "why don't we date- you three are literally in love with each other and me and i love all three of you 😠😠"

you can see the gears turning in each of their heads *dream just goes "huh, why didn't we think of that before- works for me (´∩｡• ᵕ •｡∩`) " *

now you're all one big adorable relationship

cuddles, so. many. cuddles

lots of headpats, picnic dates and movie dates

constant teasing, which normally sounded like "awwhh such a cute kitty" from sapnap and "such a good boy/kitty (? person didn't sound right there, replace it with whatever gn term you want :)/girl" from dream and george

overall such a cute and cuddly relationship, 10/10, would want to be dteam's cat boy

(A/N it's now,,,3 am,,i'll be writing some other requests tomorrow morning :)

[n7viper]

5, 8, 13 Shakarian & 22, 30, 37, 43 & 50 Mihren for OTP asks please 🥰

Random OTP Askerinos

This ended up being a longer post than intended, so I'm putting it under a cut :)

5. Who is louder in bed?

Lia! You'd think she would learn to be a little quieter after serving on ships for so long but... no. But that's fine because it gives him a chance to cover her mouth and keep her quiet :)

8. Who causes the tomfoolery and who has to try and stop the tomfoolery?

Oho! You're subverting expectations to ask about the other ship, I see. (Because you know the Mihren answer) For Lia and Garrus, I'd say they're equally as likely to cause tomfoolery that requires a third party to stop it. Lia is normally pretty straight-laced and doesn't tend to get into trouble, but they're both just horrible influences on each other.

13. Would they hate-fuck if they were mad at one another? If they had a falling out?

Honestly, I don't think so. I could see Lia being tempted to, but Garrus doesn't seem like the type to me.

Mihren (is that then canon name now? lol):

22. Who would be a lovey dovey drunk?

I really immediately thought of Cullen, but this might actually be Mihri too now that I think about it some more. So both of them? She wouldn't consistently be more lovey dovey, she's definitely usually just even hornier than normal.

But when they're drunk and alone? More than a few times, she thinks about everything that has happened to them and has to take a moment before she gets teary-eyed about it all. She's settling down. It feels... comforting. They make such an odd couple, but it doesn't matter. They're in love. (Gross 🤮)

30. Who is older, and who makes the ‘older’ jokes?

Cullen is older by about 5 years but acts like it's by 20. Mihri only really teases him about it when he's being especially grumpy and knows that it'll annoy him.

37. When the person who doesn’t normally have nightmares, has a nightmare, how does the other comfort them?

In general, Mihri doesn’t really start getting severe nightmares until after In Hushed Whispers. Even before then, she and Cullen don’t get together until early Skyhold and don’t sleep together until after Halamshiral (done before Adamant).

This isn’t an OTP answer, but let’s take a quick intermission. This reminded me of a hc I’ve had for a while, so I’ll let you have it. Mihri and Cassandra usually share a tent while traveling. There are many times where Cass has to comfort Mihri after a nightmare. Cass is kinda awkward about it, but she does try. It takes several occurrences before Mihri finally breaks down and admits that she’s haunted by what happened in that dark future and watching Cass and the others die to save her. Ok, back to our regularly scheduled OTP hours now.

Cullen usually pulls Mihri closer to his chest, and she usually turns to face him. Even if she doesn’t, he massages her scalp and runs his fingers through her hair the way she likes it. If it’s a nightmare that causes the anchor to flare, he holds her hand. He always asks if she’d like to talk about it, but she usually declines. It’s pretty much always a lot of bear hugging, forehead kisses, and fingers through her hair.

43. How do they say ‘I love you’ without actually saying it? Ex “Have you drank any water today?”

Honestly, Cullen just strikes me as a words of affirmation kind of guy. He's the type to drive you bonkers because he's just constantly saying it, to the point where it feels like it's lost its meaning. So not much to say on that front.

For Mihri, she shows her love through gifts; little trinkets that she picks up on her travels that she says reminds her of him. She shows love with meals sent to his office, through pulling him away from his desk late in the night so that he can finally sleep. Most of all, she says it by being honest with him and not putting up a front like she does with everyone else.

50. Who is more likely to cling to the other while they sleep?

I already answered this here, but I'm obsessed with the fact that three separate people asked me this. I am so soft 🥺

[paperpennies]

Please tell me about your AU idea where Sasha and Milla meet in Brazil as teenagers and basically end up long-distance dating before either of them become Psychonauts ^_^

Oh hey look at that, totally out of nowhere, not prompted by me at all! (@2somethingelseyoumightknow2 and @strawberry-et also asked me about it but it seems redundant to answer three separate asks. I didn’t think three people would actually do it lol. Also sorry for taking 8 years to answer.) This idea came out of just smushing two thoughts together. Then I got weirdly attached. Buckle in; it’s gonna be pretty long.  Under a cut to avoid annoying feed scrolling.

So, AU is: Sasha mom lives, meaning he turns out a lot better emotionally adjusted since he grows up with at least one attentive parent. His dad is better too- still pretty emotionally constipated but not, like, broken the way he is in canon. The family also has 4-5 more kids after Sasha. This does mean they’re pretty poor but they do okay. 

His mother is a schoolteacher, who is somewhat unusual in the time period for working and being a mom of a big family at the same time. She and Sasha are quite close; he gets a lot of his intellectual and curious side from her. In his eyes, he’s much more like her than like his dad (although people who know them both would say he’s a lot more like his father than he thinks). His mother also knows about his psychic powers, having noticed them as soon as they started showing up, but his dad and siblings (probably) don’t. 

The story starts when Sasha is 14-15 years old. He’s getting increasingly bored living in a small rural town with few opportunities related to his interests, and his developing psychic powers (and probable undiagnosed autism) make things even more complicated and difficult for him. His mother gets an opportunity, probably with some kind of charity organization, to go teach German/English and maybe other stuff in Brazil for a while. She decides to take it, and take Sasha with her so he can have some different life experiences. She also takes his youngest sister along, since she’s still very little and dad’s already going to be left alone with three other kids. 

(Also, my assumed age for Sasha and Milla in the games is like mid-30s, which, if the games take place in mid/late 80s, would mean they were born in the mid-50s. That means they would be 14-15 in the late 60s. So that’s the timeline I’m going with here.) 

So they go to Brazil. The school Sasha’s mom is working at is either at or associated with an orphanage- maybe a church that has a school and an orphanage. Of course, Milla is there. I don’t have a lot of the details locked in here. It’s hard because we know nothing about Milla’s family or life before she was working at the orphanage, so I’m really just pulling this out of nowhere to fit in with this AU. For the purposes of this, she has no family and is living at the orphanage and going to the school there (even though that’s sad and I kinda don’t like it. May change it. Hm.)

Anyway, Sasha’s mom is teaching at the school; Sasha is doing basically independent study. I also haven’t decided if Milla is in his mom’s classes, because I haven’t decided what age group(s) she’s teaching. Either Milla’s in her classes or gets employed (or volunteers) to babysit Sasha’s little sister and that’s how she comes to be around. Oh, and also for the purposes of this, Sasha’s mom already spoke Portuguese before this, and Sasha’s been learning it prior to arriving there, so he’s like conversational at least. 

Either way, Sasha and Milla meet. Despite having some initial personality conflict, they find they have a weird connection to each other. Milla is curious about this feeling and interprets it as maybe being a crush, although it feels a little bit different. She decides to try and befriend him to understand it better, and also because that’s just what Milla does. She’s the sort of person who makes people her friends half-against-their-will just by being friendly and caring consistently until they can’t deny that they’re friends.

Sasha, meanwhile, is wary of her and her enthusiasm because he’s not great with the social stuff, especially with the culture and language gaps at play. He’s also wary of the feeling because it seems psychic-related, but he doesn’t know what that means. Plus Milla is like super pretty and nice and he gets tongue-tied and red-faced whenever she talks to him, but he definitely doesn’t like her shut up Mom.

Over time, Milla’s determination prevails, and they become genuine friends. He hides the fact that he’s psychic at first, but eventually does tell her. He asks her if she’s sure she’s not psychic, because she really seems psychic somehow. She doesn’t think she is, but he theorizes she’s probably not quite normal, at least, and that’s where the connection they’ve felt from the beginning comes from.

Since they’re actually perfect for each other, their friendship grows deeper over the months they spend hanging out. By the time Sasha has to leave, they’ve developed real romantic (in a 14-15 year old way) feelings for each other. They don’t ever really talk about it, but promise to write.

And they do. Sasha’s siblings start referring to the girl he writes to as his girlfriend to tease/annoy him, but eventually it sticks. He stops protesting, although he never confirms whether or not it’s true, and it starts being matter-of-fact to them instead of a joke. On Milla’s side, she still talks about him to her friends like he’s still there, and she gets the penpal-boyfriend teasing, too. It doesn’t really bug her, though. They save up money over a few years to go and visit each other, and talk about their relationship enough to be sort of “official”. It’s rough since they rarely get to see each other in person or even talk on the phone, but they keep going. 

Years pass, and some things change and others don’t. Sasha mother dies when he’s in his late teens, and he and his dad start having bigger and bigger issues between them in the wake of greiving. He leaves home as soon as he’s sure his younger siblings will be fine without him around. Out and about in the world, he gets recruited into the Psychonauts within the next few years (the specifics of this don’t matter too much for this AU). Milla goes on to work in her orphanage, the thing she’s most passionate about. They still keep close in touch, and get to see each other a more often now that they’re grown up and Sasha has better access to international travel. They finally decide “okay yes, we really are actually dating” even though it’s still long distance. Sasha’s colleagues 100% do not believe his story about having a beautiful long-distance girlfriend in Brazil, because that would sound fake af even if wasn’t coming from the very serious, not-romantic-at-all Sasha. Even his picture of them together does not convince them.

Then, the thing happens. Milla’s orphanage burns down, and her psychic powers finally fully awaken. Because of her knowledge of psychics, she realizes what’s happening, but it’s still a horrifically traumatic event. Sasha takes a leave period to come and help her, finds that it’s even more serious than he’d expected, and puts her in touch with the Psychonauts directly for some better assistance. He’s too close to her to do more than an initial check-up himself. 

They find Milla has a lot of potential and extend an offer to join the intern program (which at that time spans a larger age range than later on). She rejects the offer at first, tries to go back to her life, but later decides she needs to make a complete change and accepts. Sasha’s colleagues are shocked to find out she is indeed real. She graduates first out of her class, as one of the best levitators the organization has ever seen. Technically, she and Sasha aren’t supposed to be romantically involved as agents, but the Psychonauts have always been pretty loosey-goosey about that rule (given the history of its founders). 

So that was a novel in length. It’s not necessarily that interesting in this form, but there’s the AU. I think the interest would be the specifics of how their relationship would play out as a story, if they met young enough and under the right circumstances to not to get stuck in the hang-ups their relationship has in canon. If you read this far, tell me what you think! Thoughts, feelings, emotional outbursts?

[hrtiu]

Would you consider writing something super short, like a couple hundred words, about Tech helping Brit'ni integrate that really tough problem you had trouble with a few days ago? 😅 (sorry, I'm trying to make you laugh lol)

Ah! You're the greatest! Ok, I think I can manage to put something together. for you <3

"Argh!!" Brit'ni let out a primeval scream and threw her stylus across the room. It landed against the dull durasteel wall with a pathetic plink, the sound not equal to Brit'ni's rage.

Tech looked up from the servos he was soldering and lifted his safety visor, eyes blinking at her in confusion. "What's wrong?"

"It's this stupid assignment," Brit'ni said, gesturing to the datapad she'd been staring at for the past two hours. She'd come to Tech's apartment to study--he had the perfect, no-frills setup and even just being around him focus pressured Brit'ni into being more productive--but so far she'd made almost no progress.

"Ah, the economics of past cultures class?" Tech said, pressing a finger to the bridge of his nose to lift up the goggles that weren't currently over his eyes.

"Yes," Brit'ni said with a scowl. "I don't understand why I have to learn any of this to study history. When am I going to need to find the expected value of a random variable curating a museum exhibit?"

Tech set his soldering gun down and pursed his lips, like she'd insulted him personally. "Just as your understanding of history and cultures can inform the way I program this computing system," he said, gesturing to the servos on his work bench, "so too can statistics inform the way you evaluate and interpret history."

"Ok, ok, you can get off your high fathier. Just help me, please?"

Tech's eyebrows raised and he nodded. "Certainly."

He got up from the workbench and headed over to Brit'ni. With each step she wondered if she was making a huge mistake. She'd never asked Tech for help on this sort of thing before because she had a sneaking suspicion he'd be absolutely insufferable. And she liked kissing Tech. She didn't want to mess that up.

"What seems to be the problem?" he asked, leaning over her datapad.

She took a moment to answer, letting herself enjoy the warm feeling of him looming over. "It's this integral." She pointed to the tortured s-loop on the screen, even just the sight of it twisting her brain into knots. "I know we're supposed to use a change of variable, but the new derivative just doesn't fit."

She'd looked at it backwards, frontwards, sideways, and upside down. She'd stared at this problem for thirty minutes straight without writing so much as a single calculation. But the harder she stared the more inscrutable it became. She was convinced that only a true genius could solve it, and even then only after considerable effort.

"Substitute in u equals w over pi sin of x," he said.

"What?"

"Substitute in u equals w over pi sin of x. This is a normal distribution, and that will become obvious once you take that substitution."

Brit'ni stared at him blankly. It had taken him less than five seconds to find the solution. Five seconds. Five seconds to solve this thrice-blasted problem. "Seriously?"

"Yes," Tech said, his brows gathering together in confusion. "Are you having trouble hearing me? This question is a bit tricky, but quite solvable. From your outburst earlier I was worried it might take longer to help-"

Brit'ni stood up fast from her seat, her chair scraping noisiliy against the floor beneath her. "I'm going to get some air," she said, as if there was anywhere you could get fresh air on Coruscant.

"Brit'ni, did I do something wrong-?"

"No, you were very helpful."

"It was no problem at all, the question was elementary-"

"I'm getting some air!" Brit'ni reiterated with more force, slamming the door shut behind her as she stalked from Tech's room.

She ended up going for some jwa bing--a tasty fried dough snack sold by a vendor just outside Tech's apartment. She walked around his neighborhood, slowly consuming the greasy disc as she let herself cool off. The area was a little tough, but during the day she felt safe enough.

About a half hour later and Brit'ni was filled with regret--both at the heavy, greasy feeling settling in her stomach and at the childish way she'd reacted earlier. She knew Tech wasn't the most tactful with how he expressed himself--it was one of the things she liked about him. She'd need to be patient with him if she wanted him to be patient with her.

She walked back to the apartment and Tech buzzed her in without question. She entered the keycode to his room and was already composing an apology in her head when the door whooshed open to reveal a flustered Tech, his goggles resting haphazardly atop his head and a stack of flimsi--flimsi--in his hands.

"Brit'ni, I wanted to apologize-"

"You shouldn't have to apologize," Brit'ni said, almost angry with the contrite lilt to his voice. "I was being childish. You helped me, and I'm grateful."

"I appreciate that, but I still need to apologize. I spoke with Echo and he helped me understand that by answering your question so quickly and with no explanation, I may have implied a shortcoming in intelligence on your part. That I trivialized the difficulties you were having with the assignment by suggesting that it should have been easy."

He was right, of course. That was exactly how he'd made her feel. Most of the time Tech's staggering intellect didn't intimidate Brit'ni. She knew she was smart too--maybe in different areas, but smart all the same. And she knew that Tech's brilliant mind sometimes kept him from seeing the bigger picture. But every once in a while it hit her just how much better he was than her at certain things--a lot of things, if she was being honest. And sometimes it hurt.

Tech took a step towards her and held out the short stack of flimsi like a peace offering. Brit'ni took it and looked down to find neat lines of scribbled calculations filling the flimsi, Tech's consistently-chaotic handwriting unmistakable.

"I wrote out a detailed explanation of the integration--each step as well as the underlying theorem supporting them," he said, taking a step back as soon as she had the flimsi securely in her hands. "I also tried to build in an explanation of the kind of intuition that makes problems like these easier. When I said this problem was simple, it is because I have seen others like it before. The next time you see a problem like this you will see what to do next just s easily. It is only a matter of experience."

Her eyes scanned the first page of notes, and already the impossibly tangled problem she'd been slaving over for several hours seemed to slip loose. His notes were thorough, straightforward, and easy to understand. She could do this.

For some reason, hot tears filled her eyes. She clutched the papers to her chest, the stress of her coming exams and the frustration of the assignment hitting her all at once.

"Brit'ni?" Tech asked, his voice quiet. "Is this acceptable? I can offer an alternate apology-"

"It's perfect, Tech," she said, raising a hand to wipe the moisture from her eyes. "Thank you."

Relief flooded his expression and he stepped up to her, wrapping his arms around her in that oddly precise way of his. "I think you are very intelligent, and especially knowledgeable in your field," he said into her hair. "And I want to be able to help you when you need it."

"I want that, too," she said, her voice muffled by his chest. "Just... try not to be a condescending ass about it."

He chuckled, the sound resonating across each unit of surface area they shared. Then he coughed. "I'll, eh, do my best. I'm sure you will always let me know if that is the case?"

"Deal."

"Deal."

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS MORE, BLOOD OFFICIAL VISUAL FANBOOK ー Interview Vol. 1 feat. Saki Ito

Source: DIABOLIK LOVERS MORE, BLOOD Official Visual Fanbook

Release date: 2013

Huge thank you to @keithvalentinex​ for providing the raw scans!

SECTION 1: Q&A

Q1. How did you feel when a sequel game got green light?

A: Not only were we fortunate to receive many passionate messages and feedback from the players, but we also received the news of an anime adaption alongside a game sequel, so amidst the joy, I also remember a distinct feeling of responsiblity and pressure.

Q2. Does the feedback you received from the players reflect in any parts of the game?

A: The series features characters who all have very strong and distinct character traits, so they tend to stand out based solely on these specific elements, which is what made us reflect upon the scenario parts of the previous game. Therefore, in the sequel, we decided to flesh them out so we let Idea Factory know that we would like to create sceranio’s on events of their pasts, so we can give a better understanding of how they think as individuals. We received a positive response but this ultimately required quite a bit of scenarios so later both me and Nakamura suffered because of it. (lol) However, even though there is still room for improvement, I would like to think that we succeeded in creating scenario’s in which the players will get to know them on a deeper level.

Q3. Who did you struggle most with when creating the setting for the new characters?

A: Ruki. Both in terms of design and personality. At first we thought of having him be on an almost equal footing with Karlheinz in terms of power and status, so basically the character who stands at the very top of the Mukami family, with everyone following his lead as they have no other choice but to acknowledge his superiority . But he’s a Do-S...We played with various ideas like that.

Q4. What did the process of creating these characters look like?

A: After settling on their visuals and personalities, we moved on to building a set image of them. I was impressed that at the time of initial recording where we would add the voices to these characters, there was already an agreement amongst the production staff about how they viewed these brothers inside their minds. 

Q5. Were there any moments during the recording which left a strong impression on you?

A: I am sure everyone feels the same in this regard, but I was very much impressed by Midorikawa Hikaru (Ayato’s VA) and his ability to voice a single line in so many different ways and apply minor adjustment time after time. I was baffled how the same phrase could be voiced in so many different ways, and while this may be embarrassing to admit as part of the production staff, I felt as if I could learn a lot from him.

Q6. How did you approach the blood-sucking scenes?

A: We start by creating a fixed image inside our heads of how each character would suck someone’s blood. However, we initially opted to leave things up to the casted voice actors. We figured that if their voicing was somewhat off from how we envisioned it, we would guide them into the desired direction afterwards, but so far that has yet to happen! The voice actors seem to understand that the blood-sucking scenes are a huge selling point of the Diabolik Lovers franchise, so they anticipated on this and had already thought about which personal quirks they want to include in these scenes before the recording. Afterwards they would tell us things such as ‘I wanted to make it sound a little dirty’ or ‘I imagined ____ would suck blood like this’, showing us their effort to voice these characters while thinking about their personalities, which is why we - the production staff - were able to feel the unique traits of these boys through their performance as well, I believe. I cannot express with words just how greatful I am for everyone’s excellent voice work. 

Q7. When writing the scenario’s and the character dialogue, were there any conscious changes you made from the first game?

A: In the first game, there were very little interactions between the different characters, but with the introduction of the Mukami brothers, we focused on these kind of interactions where one of the Sakamaki brothers would fight with one of the Mukami brothers. Additionally, this would allow for us to express the changes in their feelings towards the main character.

Q8. What did you struggle the most with while writing the script?

A: There were just so many different scenarios to write, I recall feeling as if there was no end to it. Every time you think you’re done adjusting one part, you have to move on to the next and by the time you’re done with that, something just doesn’t feel right about the first scenario again...This game includes many scenarios about the characters’ pasts so there would be times where we suddenly went ‘...Hold on!? I feel like the previous scene doesn’t quite make sense anymore...,’ So we’d have to go back and make sure everything remained consistent.

Q9. Which character caused you the most problems while writing the script?

A: Every single one. In case of the Sakamaki brothers, all because of the same reason. For starters, despite this being a sequel game, the intial setting remains the same as before with the main character having arrived at the Sakamaki manor, , so we were worried whether or not the audience would accept this without it feeling weird or off. The Mukami brothers are then added on top of that, so we struggled a lot expressing the wavering feelings of the main character. Each of the Mukami brothers has their own dark past and setting which we came up with beforehand, so it was very difficult to then later add the element of romance to this.

Q10. Is there a character who underwent drastic changes compared to the last game?

A: No. Although the ‘MORE, BLOOD’ games feature the Sakamaki brothers struggling with an immense ‘thirst for blood’ which is different from our previous approach, so we hope this allows the players to enjoy a different side of them.

Q11. The endings are now named ‘Vampire Ending’, ‘Manservant Ending’ and ‘Brute’ Ending. Could you tell us what kind of thought you put into these names?

A: They do each have their own fixed image attached to them. We divided them into the ‘Vampire Ending’ which is supposed to be the most natural ending. The ‘Manservant Ending’ which emphasizes the element of sadism the strongest and lastly the ‘Brute Ending’ which is the most violent. Depending on the character, there might be minor changes such as the main character developing sadistic tendencies herself or it being another character who grows violent. We hope the audience will enjoy this wide array of endings.

Q12. What are parts which have greatly improved or parts you want us to focus on in comparison to the first game?

A: My apologies for repeating myself, but it would have to be the scenarios. Also please pay attention to the upgraded sprite artwork for everyone, as well as the addition of the sprites for the brothers as children!

Q13. Why do you think the series has received such a great amount of support?

A: During the development of the first set of CDs, we made them with a specific niche audience in mind, so never did we expect the franchise would grow this large. We truly are grateful. We would like to believe that Satoi-sama’s illustration are the biggest contributor in this case. I was already acquaintanced with Satoi-sama at that point but due to certain circumstances, we weren’t able to work on a project together. However, when the development for Diabolik Lovers started, I immediately reached out to her. I believe that the way she draws these Do-S Vampires as handsome guys is what the fans enjoy the most!

Q14. Please leave a message for the fans.

A: First of all, thank you all from the bottom of my heart. If it wasn’t for you guys’ reactions, we wouldn’t have been able to deliver this much content. I won’t go as far as to tell you to continue to loving ‘DIABOLIK LOVERS’ and its characters forever...! Even if it’s somewhere in the very back of your mind, I’d be happy if you could at least hold onto the fond memories of these characters. Honestly, thank you so so much.

SECTION 2: THEIR FAVORITE EPISODES

Sakamaki brothers: Laito’s Vampire Ending. It conveys that feeling of loving someone, yet still keeping you on the edge of your seat as he doesn’t quite fully want to admit to his own feelings, even though you can tell that he does properly love the main character, which made me feel joyful inside.

Mukami brothers: Rather than one specific scene, I loved the interactions between the Mukami brothers. When they are all enjoying a meal together, they would fight over the food, or Kou would make a fuss because he wants to eat Vongole Bianco. I found it cute how they would talk in a way you’d expect from normal high school boys. 

SECTION 3: SAKI ITO CHOOSES ー SITUATION-DEPENDENT CHARACTER SELECT

Who would you choose in these situations? What’s the developer’s opinion?

S1. To sleep together with?

Best: Shuu, he probably wouldn’t bother me.

Worst: Reiji, he seems like the type to get upset if you don’t keep perfectly still while sleeping.

S2. To go on a trip together with?

Best: Ruki, I feel like he would come fully prepped. 

Worst: Azusa, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy my trip if I get hurt because of him.

S3. To eat together with?

Best: Shuu, I feel like our eating styles would match.

Worst: Reiji, I’d constantly feel nervous.

S4. To study with?

Best: Ruki, I feel like he’d be able to explain things in a comprehensive manner.

Worst: Laito because he might just blow air into my ear all of a sudden.

S5. To go on a date with?

Best: Kou, he probably knows all the good places so it could be fun.

Worst: Kanato, I can’t stand the thought of him suddenly lashing out at me.

S6. To play a video game with?

Best: Yuma, I feel like he wouldn’t be the best at it, but it’d still be enjoyable regardless.

Worst: Subaru, he would destroy the console!

S7. To play sports with?

Best: Kou, I can imagine his sweat sparkling in the light as it bounces off him.

Worst: Reiji, he seems stiff.

S8. To go on a drive with?

Best: Ayato, it just seems fun.

Worst: Yuma, he strikes me as a speed devil. 

[boasamishipper]

otp questions for icemav of course, but also harry/perry from kiss kiss bang bang

1. Are they more “cute forehead kisses” or “hot making out” kind of couple? Maybe one prefers first option and the other one the second? How do they deal, in that case?

Ice and Mav are more of a "hot making out" kind of couple when they first get together, but as the years go by they develop a fondness for cute forehead kisses and the like as well - especially once they're married and can engage in the occasional public display of affection. Mav likes it when Ice kisses him on the nose and on the forehead, and Ice is a fan of cheek kisses and neck kisses, and both enjoy making out lol. Whatever feels most natural at the moment is what they go for.

Harry and Perry are definitely a "hot making out" kind of couple - the more cutesy types of kisses aren't really their thing, especially not in public. Occasionally Harry will bring Perry his morning coffee and kiss him on the forehead, or on the top of his head, and Perry will do his utmost to pretend not to like it.

2. If they wanted to shower their significant other with affection, how would they do that? Dinner in some fancy restaurant, gift, kisses and cuddles or an evening together on a couch with hot tea and very intimate talk?

Mav would treat Ice to dinner in a fancy restaurant, followed by a romantic evening featuring wine and rose petals between the bedsheets. Ice would cook Mav's favorite meal and they'd either go out for a night on the town or they'd spend the evening together at home with a stupid movie on TV (while they make out and/or have sex on the couch).

Perry is not really one to shower anybody with big displays of affection, least of all his significant other - with Harry, he shows his affection through touch (holding hands, kisses, embraces, cuddling, etc.), and calls him an idiot a little less often (or just with more fondness than normal). Harry tries now and then to shower Perry with big displays of affection, except in typical Harry fashion his attempts always end in disaster - his gift is stolen, his dinner reservation is canceled, Perry and Harry are kidnapped by the people they're investigating on their way to go to the theater, and so on and so forth. Perry likes old musicals, expensive whiskey, and Harry. Harry does his best to provide.

3. Are they comfortable with showing each other affection in public? If one is and the other one not, how do they interact in public?

Ice and Mav become more comfortable with PDA after they get married - Ice takes a little longer to get used to actually being able to show Mav affection in public, to just be out after so long in the closet, but Mav is patient with him and helps him loosen up. Their PDA doesn't really go further than chaste kisses and holding hands, at least at work functions (where at least half of Mav's sentences start with My husband and I); when they're with friends Mav will put his head against Ice's shoulder when they're seated, maybe sit in his lap as a joke, or Ice will stroke Mav's hair, kiss his hairline.

Perry thinks PDA is stupid until Harry gets flirted with one too many times in front of him; after that, Perry makes a habit out of touching Harry in some capacity, kissing Harry in public, flirting with him, but after a while it becomes less out of jealousy / staking his claim and more of something he actually enjoys doing. Harry flirts right back - he has an entire notebook's worth of pet names for Perry (ranging from baby to Per-bear) - and is pleased that his not-so-evil scheme of being flirted with in front of Perry resulted in Perry being more affectionate with him in public.

4. Do they have pet names? Do they like to embarrass each other in front of their friends/family/coworkers with some silly ones? Or do they keep it with basics, like “sweetheart” or “honey”?

Mav and Ice occasionally call each other by their ranks - mostly as foreplay - and 'baby' when they're feeling particularly romantic, but Mav and Ice are usually just Mav and Ice or Mitchell and Kazansky with one another and in front of their friends/family/coworkers.

Perry and Harry's list of pet names for one another are Varied. There are the tried and trues baby and sweetheart, and fond versions of idiot, dick, asshole, pretentious fuck, moron, and stupid fuck, and (in Harry's case, because Perry Will Not Do This) pet versions of their real names, e.g. Per or Per-Bear.

5. If one of them was away for longer time, like a week, how their significant other would greet them back?

Mav and Ice would do their best to keep in touch while the other was away, and would greet the other with Much Enthusiasm when they'd return. Afterwards, to celebrate the other's return, they'd go out to dinner, or take a couple day vacation, or just go straight to bed together and celebrate Properly in the morning. Either way sex is definitely involved.

Harry is more enthusiastic when Perry returns after being away for a longer time - he gets the house clean and/or the office in order and then pretty much jumps Perry the second he gets through the door. (Not that Perry minds.) Perry tries to play it blasé when Harry comes back from an extended trip - he pretends to not have remembered Harry's arrival date, when he's had it circled on his calendar from pretty much the second Harry walked out the door - but is absolutely terrible at it. That blasé attitude lasts about five minutes before Perry and Harry end up in bed with one another. The phrases "So you did miss me" and "shut up Harry" are very well worn by now.

6. How often do they say “I love you” to one another? On daily basics, leaving to work, with a kiss on a cheek and quick “love u, bye!” or it’s more rare and more emotional?

Daily (or almost daily) basics the longer they're together for Icemav, in more rare and emotional cases for Harry and Perry. Harry and Perry are quicker to throw around the occasional sarcastic Love you too babe and I can't believe I love you, but just regular I love yous are reserved for more serious occasions.

7. Do they keep track of each other during the day? Asking how is that important meeting going and texting “I <3 u”? Or they just text each other grocery list and talk when they are both home?

Harry and Perry text each other a lot. Harry is a magnet for trouble, and Perry texts him often during work to make sure he's doing his job (and, during more dangerous cases, because he wants to know if Harry's alright). They text about work more often than not and do talk more often about non-work-related things when they're at home, but there is some overlap. Harry loves it when he can get Perry to go on long rants about something he's passionate about over text when they're both supposed to be working.

Ice and Mav work together as well, but due to the nature of their jobs they don't text each other a lot during work, and catch up on their days at home. They don't have a lot of serious conversations over text either; texts between them contain anything from grocery lists, cat pics, complaints about students, reminders to pick up dry-cleaning, memes, links to interesting articles, strings of emoji, and - yes - many instances of "I <3 u".

8. How long into their relationship they are, when they say “I love you” for the first time? Who says that first? In what situation?

I'm fond of several scenarios for Harry and Perry exchange I Love Yous for the first time - quiet moments, Harry-does-something-stupid-and-gets-injured moments, Perry-does something-stupid-and-gets-injured moments - but the one thing that stays consistent is that it is a While after they've officially gotten together, and Perry is the first one to say it (when Harry is not expecting it).

My main headcanon for Icemav involves their relationship going from friends to FWBs to lovers over the course of a few years, with Mav proposing right before DADT goes into effect. I'm all for Big Dramatic I Love Yous, and no one is more dramatic than these two when they want to be, but honestly, I feel like their first I Love You would come during a quiet moment, not long after they've officially begun a relationship. Maybe Mav says it to Ice over breakfast and Ice responds in kind without even thinking about it. Maybe Ice says it to Mav when they're cuddling in bed. The sky's the limit re: potential situations and who says it first, but I like the idea of it happening during a Quiet Moment.

9. Do they have some unusual ways of saying “I love you”? Squeezing hands, that they both know what means?

(princess bride voice) That day, Harry was amazed to discover that when Perry called him an idiot, what he meant was, "I love you." (I mean, there are a Lot of instances where Perry calls Harry an idiot in the fullest sense of the word, but the point stands lol.)

Ice told Mav once not long after they officially got together that he thought 'boyfriend' sounded juvenile and 'partner' felt too formal, so Mav just stuck to referring to Ice as his wingman. They both have a certain fondness for the word now, and (princess bride voice) When They Say 'You Can Be My Wingman Anytime', What They Actually Mean Is I Love You.

10. How they show affection to the other one in everyday life? Do they cook dinner for each other? Or wash the dishes, even though it’s not their turn, cause they know the other one hates it?

For both couples, it's about the little things. Ice and Mav trade off chores, but if one of them is working late, the other will be responsible for dinner and/or cleaning - Ice Hates shoveling the snow, so Mav hires one of the local neighborhood kids to shovel their driveway and the walkway so Ice won't have to. Perry and Harry may argue about Harry's organization skills (or lack thereof), but Perry knows that if he asks Harry to get something important done, that important thing Will Get Done, and it will get done well, and Harry will get a head start on the work needed to be finished next.

[buchananssmolbean]

No Hammers

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 1238

Warnings: Spanking, rough sex, Bucky’s a jerk (but it’s kinda hot), penetraaaation (p in v lol), a teeeeny bit of hair pulling (not rly tho), aftercare! (yes, that’s a warning)

A/N: please don’t copy my work on any platforms or translate it. as always, reblogging and comments are appreciated, and i am taking requests!!

Summary: Bucky is loud, but he’s betting that you can be louder.

“Sit.”

“No.”

“Sit.”

“I don’t even know you!” you shouted, appalled by your new neighbour’s request.

“Sit down, or I’ll make you sit down.”

It started the night Bucky moved in. First, he was nice enough, but you quickly realized that he was very into house renovations.

You figured it would go away after the first week, but the hammering on the walls consistently started at 7 p.m. and didn’t stop until 1 a.m. For the last month. You’d had it.

So here you sat, across from your handsome, brooding, beefy, arrogant, irritating, imbecile neighbour. He had splayed a few options of tea in front of you, of which, you chose chamomile. If you couldn’t sleep, why not try every available option, right?

“So, you wanna be civil?”

“Not really. You’ve been hammering away for the last week.”

“Haven’t gotten any other complaints, Dolly.”

His use of the word Dolly pissed you off. Like he was mocking you for being a diurnal human being. Like he was upset with you for being normal!

“Listen, I might not look so big and tough, but I can—”

He circled you like prey, making you lose your train of thought when his cologne invaded your senses. He smelled rich. Not chocolate rich—no—he smelled like what you imagined Tony Stark would smell like.

“W-Why are you doing that?” you mentally scolded yourself for the nervous shaking of your voice.

“Are you scared?”

“No.”

With no warning of any kind, Bucky’s lips smashed onto your’s. A low groan escaped the back of his throat, and you moaned into his tongue.

“Been tryin’ to get you to talk to me for weeks. Why do you think I only bang on your wall?”

Any anger in you hadn’t dissipated—but it did fuel the lust and passion raging low within your tummy. “Shut up.”

Your lips connected again, your knee knocking over the teacup with you kneeled on the table to reach Bucky’s lips. Your fingers scratched over his scruff. He tasted like oranges and french toast, you tasted like dark chocolate and almonds. It was perfect.

“Get in my bed.”

“What?” you asked, still a little hazy from the most remarkable kiss of your life.

“Go get in my bed.”

You scurried quickly to his opened door, while he shuffled through open drawers for a condom. His metal arm smacked against the granite top every time he couldn’t find one. You wondered what that hand could do to you.

After what felt like forever for Bucky, he finally found a gold-foiled condom, shining harshly in his eyes from the new kitchen LED lights he’d installed.

In between your legs burned. Bucky couldn’t help but smile when he thought of what a good girl you were, waiting for him to come help you with your growing urge.

You deserved this. After all of the work you’d been doing for your publishing company, after all of the sleepless nights, a release was exactly what you needed.

Laying your head back on his pillow, you prepared yourself for what was to come—not that you knew what to expect. It was strange, having sex with a man who’d done nothing but piss you off for the last month.

“No.”

Rougher than you expected, Bucky quickly flipped you onto your front, tugging your pyjama shorts down to your ankles, revealing your cute blue panties. Bucky couldn’t help but coo.

“Oh, Darling… I like these.” he snapped the elastic on your thigh, making you wince a little. He couldn’t decide if he want to fuck you with them on or not.

Added to your growing nervousness was the fact that now you didn’t know what Bucky was going to do. You didn’t know if he’d go fast, or slow, or hard, or gentle. Not even you knew what you liked. With all the hard work you’d been doing and the studying, it’s not like you had any time to experiment.

Bucky lifted your hips abruptly, grinding on your already dampened core. He has to bite his lip to stop himself from moving to fast. He’d finally decided that the panties were coming off one way or another, and seeing as this was your first time having sex with him, you probably wouldn’t want your panties ripped. He slid them off slowly, but immediately attacked your cunt with kisses and slow drags of his tongue.

You moaned into his sheets, grabbing fistfuls of fabric and chomping down on his pillow. Never had a man ever been so rough with you, but never had a man ever taken so much care so your needs were met.

“Mine.” Bucky mumbled into your pussy, vibrations tingling throughout your body. His metal arm came down to spank your ass, then massage it shortly after. “All mine.”

“Your’s.” you replied in a cock drunk dizziness.

Bucky hummed in content, using his metal hand to ground your lower back, and his right to massage your aching clit.

You were sure you were about you cum. Pathetic. He hadn’t even done anything yet, but he was just so intoxicating.

“Jesus Christ.” Bucky grunted, finally hopping out of his constricting denim, letting his cock spring to the front of his boxers. Those came off quickly after as well.

He ripped the wrapper off of the condom, lining himself up with your entrance. He pressed his thumb harder against your clit, and mumbled something along the lines of “Take a breath, Doll.”

Big. He was big. You’ve never felt something bigger in your life. When he started with half of his dick, it was average sized—well, that’s what you thought—and then came the other half. Jesus, not only was he huge in the rest of his body, but his cock was destroying you.

“You’re so tight. Aww, this poor pussy doesn’t get enough attention.” he spanked your ass using his human hand this time; you were sure there was a red imprint.

“You don’t do this enough.” he grunted, speeding up his pace until you were practically screaming his name into the pillows.

“James!”

“We don’t do this enough.” he held tightly onto a fistful of your hair, grounding you to the bed while he pounded relentlessly into you. You were sure that if he were going any deeper, his balls would get lost inside of you too.

“Ahh… ahh.”

Bucky tilted your hips up until he was basically stretching out your cervix. You cried out as the coil in your tummy snapped, and you let loose.

You were shaking—literally shaking. It made Bucky prouder than he’d like to admit. He liked when you were so needy, and so helpless for sex.

He didn’t stop when you were done. He finished gently, peppering your shoulder with light kisses, his abs lay bare against your back.

His weight didn’t crush you, so you were sure he was still on his feet. He held onto both of your wrists when he pulled out of you, leaving you with an empty feeling that was much more than any other man you’d ever been with.

“Are you okay?”

“Mm… mm.”

“No you’re not. I’ll make you some breakfast. You get some rest.”

“Breakfast?”

“Yeah, you came here at five, and it’s six-thirty now.”

“WHAT?!”

Bucky chuckled lowly. “It’s alright, Darlin’. You get some sleep now. No hammers.” he kissed your forehead gently, pushing back some stray hairs.

“No hammers.” you smiled to yourself.bucky

[luvlyrv]

Just Vacation Girlfriends (Seulgi x Fem!Reader)

Genre: Fake dating, fluff

Summary: You and Seulgi enter a precarious fake dating situation, hijinks ensue. Except the hijinks aren't light-hearted, but rather deeply personal and intimate experiences. What are you and Seulgi really?

Word Count: 2k

A/N: Hi, it has literally been 5 months since I last wrote lol, I'm sorry. It's not like I hate writing it's just that there were other things I could and had to do. I apologize for taking so long to upload again, especially for the amount of feedback I got for my first post! 68 followers and 90 notes! I know it may seem like rookie numbers to some but I really want to thank you all. I'm having my winter break now so I should be able to post a lot during this short period. If I'm lucky I may be able to semi-consistently post during the school year as well ;). Sorry if there are any grammar mistakes/wtf moments I'm writing at 3AM and have slept for two hours total for the past 40 hrs, cut me some slack please.

Date: 12/24/20

The chops of your knife against the cutting board were interrupted by your phone ringing. You stop making dinner as you look over your shoulder to your phone a couple inches away on the counter. Your eyebrow perked up as you read the caller ID, it was Seulgi. Of course, you immediately set your knife down to talk to her.

"Hey Seul, what's up?"

"Hi..." Seulgi began to yawn. "I just wanted to hear your voice today."

You can't help but to let out a small smile as you felt your face getting warmer. Luckily Seulgi wasn't actually there to tease you about it.

"Ah, well, here's my voice. Is it relaxing enough, your majesty?"

You can hear a faint and muffled sound of laughter from Seulgi before you hear her tired voice through the speaker again.

"Hm, well I guess that'll do. I'm actually calling to make sure you wanna come with us on vacation again."

"Of course I do, I've been going with you guys for years. I'll make sure it works with my schedule."

"Yeah, I know that and I'll send you the dates, it's just that..." Seulgi let out a long sigh, "there's some other things you need to know."

"And that would be?"

"Pretend to be my girlfriend."

"What?"

"Please, Y/N. It'll just be for a week. I know it's a lot to ask but I need it."

You're speechless for a bit and deliberate on what to say next. Not wanting to worry your friend with your silence you ended up just saying, "Yeah, uh okay, I can work with that... why though?"

"You know how dating is like. Not a lot of time, not a lot of privacy. My parents understand this but they're still worried you know? They worry about how my future will be like if I'm spending basically over a decade just working. Something about it takes time to find the right man, settling, babies, blah blah blah. If you pretend to date me that'll ease their worries and I won't even have to worry about a scandal since it isn't real and only my parents would know anyways. Besides... we're close enough where we can pull this off convincingly, right?"

You take a second to think. It was a strange situation to be in, but as far as you knew you would only have to pretend for the week you would spend with her family. Her family wouldn't be seeing either of you after then, and maybe you could also fake breakup if things get sticky. With Seulgi's last statement... it was true that you've been really close with her and her entire family since you were both little. All it would take would be amping up the friendly touches and banter.

"Yeah, we are. Alright. I guess we should iron out the details about our fake relationship later though. You kind of sound like shit. Rest up if you can."

"Talk to you soon, Y/N."

With that, Seulgi ended the call and you were left with dinner still unprepared and a lot on your mind.

* *

The plan was to go to the airport and fly out to the island with Seulgi, where you could rehearse your story until you would meet up with the rest of her family and go about the vacation as normal. Except for the not so minor detail of you having to be Seulgi's girlfriend.

Seulgi sits by the window as you sit next to her. You try to get comfortable, but you really can't. There's a churning mixture of nervousness in your stomach. Even though it was all pretend, it was hard to imagine yourself trying to make it look real. Although you and Seulgi both felt like it would be easy to pull it off convincingly... there was something you couldn't quite place tugging at your heart-strings.

Your thoughts are interrupted as you hear her sweet voice.

"When did we start dating?"

"Uhm, ah, I know this! It was... er-"

"July 7th."

Seulgi begins to look at you. Her eyes are filled with both a pleading look and a disappointed look. She starts quizzing all the little, and very fake, details of your relationship. You answer them correctly for the most part and Seulgi's mood seemed to improve knowing you weren't completely hopeless. You're starting to get into the swing of things when all of a sudden Seulgi asks something completely unexpected.

"And what's our favorite position in bed?"

You felt your face immediately heat up as your eyes opened wide in shock.

"I- I mean, uh, what?"

"K-kidding of course." Seulgi says this with a smile, yet she seems to shake a little. Maybe she was also surprised with her sudden crude sense of humor. She begins to reach down and grab a small book from her bag. "I think we'll be good for now, just relax until we get there."

You just nod your head in response and slip in your earbuds.

* *

Although it wasn't like you have never spent a vacation with Seulgi, things felt weird.

First was the way her family treated you, especially her parents. The both of you walked into the beach house hand in hand. Her parents were completely unbothered. Later that day when eating dinner, Seulgi decided it was time to announce your relationship. As the conversation at the dinner table seemed to finally be dying down, she set down her fork and began to talk.

"Guys, listen up, I've been holding onto this news for some time now, but I really wanted to do it when everyone could see each other. What I've been wanting to say is... " It seemed to you, that maybe just for a little moment, Seulgi was trying to steel her nerves.

"Y/N and I are dating."

Silence. The two of you were met with utter silence. It wasn't the type of condemning and judging silence, but rather one of indifference. Everyone seemed completely unbothered with this news. The silence was thankfully quickly broken by Seulgi's mom.

"Well, I'm glad you guys have finally sorted your feelings. I'm sure you're both very happy now." Her mom said it with a small but warm smile. Everyone else seemed to nod in agreement. You couldn't help but to ask, "No big congratulations? What about the fact that we're both girls? "

Seulgi's brother laughed a little before talking.

"I mean... sorry. We can act a bit more excited if that's what you want. It really is something to be celebratory about... it's just that you don't usually clap for a fish when it swims, right? You know what I mean? It's just all a bit... expected and natural. As for the 'we're both girls' I don't care, and everyone else probably doesn't either."

To say the least, that was not the reaction that you and Seulgi expected. After dinner the two of you were stuck trying to think about what it all meant. You guys were also both stuck with the fact that you'd share one room and one bed for the rest of the week.

Again, it wasn't like you haven't done things like share a bed with Seulgi before. It was just that the relationship business was getting stuck in your head. Everything normal suddenly felt dangerous. Things like even looking in Seulgi's way felt like it took caution. That night, it was decided that there would be a pillow barrier between the two of you.

By the third night the pillows were all on the floor as the you hung onto each other for warmth, finding comfort in the contours of the other's body.

Things like this kept on happening. You would set up arbitrary rules to feel normal again and destroy them all within a blink of an eye. You just kept on acting on things without intending to.

For example, the other day Seulgi woke up early to cook breakfast. You couldn't help but to feel the absence of her body and warmth and followed her out to the kitchen soon after. Even though you were in a half-asleep state your feet found their way behind Seulgi and your arms snaked around her waist.

You burrowed your face into the crook of her neck. Taking in that familiar and oh-so-comforting scent that is Kang Seulgi. Since when did her scent make you feel at home? Since when did you feel so at ease with her? You had a sneaking suspicion that it has been this way for a very, very long time.

These thoughts didn't matter though, as your body began to move with hers to the soft music she had playing from her phone. She didn't try to resist your touch at all. Instead, it seemed that she melted under your touch, with you seeing her shoulders dropping and feeling her backing in further to your embrace. Before you knew it the serene moment ended when Seulgi finally finished cooking breakfast.

You would frequently hold hands whenever the family was around, yet even though you could spend your free time wherever with whoever, you were attached to Seulgi's hip and she to yours. You two would always end up doing something together, or perhaps you would do nothing, and instead just enjoyed the fact that the other was there while quietly still holding hands.

Holding her hand quickly became your best comfort. Her soft and warm hands seemed to fit perfectly with yours, fitting together just the way you'd want them to. Something about her hands electrified you every time.

The once seemingly distinct line between platonic feelings and romantic feelings began to get blurrier and blurrier with each passing second. This doubt and confusion culminated when going on one of the last outings planned for the vacation.

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, during the outing a spontaneous couple's event was hosted. Your mouth began to dry up as the host looked at you and Seulgi, urging each other to kiss.

As far as everyone else knew, you've been dating for a decent amount of time now. Enough of an amount of time for them to assume you had kissed already. You looked into Seulgi's eyes in distress. You could feel the host boring his eyes into you. You could feel practically everyone's eyes staring in anticipation.

Seulgi drew her body closer and that was when you knew your fate was sealed.

* *

A couple hours later and you're back at the house now. Laying in the bed you've shared for the past few nights you finally look at her. She looks back at you with waiting eyes. Slowly you reach your hand up from under the blankets and softly laid it on her soft cheek. She responds by placing hers on top of yours.

Staring at the deep brown of her eyes, you take it all in. You feel heat radiating from her body. You watch her body rise and fall with a mix of a calm yet eager breath. The close proximity that the two of you share is something that was typical, yet so different in the moment. With bated breath you finally say the unspoken words. The words that should've been said long ago. The air and sound barely passes through your lips.

"I love you."

The two of you close in, giving the lightest kiss in the world. There was barely any pressure but you could feel her lips touching yours. Even though you've kissed already, this one meant so much more. Even if this was such a small and innocent kiss, it was the shyness of it all, the realization that it means something that made your heartbeat race.

Putting your foreheads together, Seulgi said with a quiet voice.

"It's been like this since forever, hasn't it?"

"Yeah. Let's keep it that way."

In the back of your head you wonder, was this to please her parents or was this to please her?

[anewbeginningagain]

Thank you for what you said about being disappointed in the fandom and not in VM. I came to follow you through the VM fandom and I do remember you clearly drawing a line when the shipper/anti discussion got to be overwhelming. I respect that so much. I loved them as performers and as a team, and I have always believed them when they clearly said they were not a couple. I also believe they have now each forged paths that fit them and that were 100% what I would have expected given what they expressed interest in over the years.

How did you know when to step back? While I wasn’t a shipper, I mistakenly thought that the shipper discourse was all in good fun and hung around far too long. During that time, and especially around the WOF events, it felt like nearly every VM blog (even the normally neutral ones) had drunk the shipper Kool Aid and was taking sides between VM. I really can’t look at any of those blogs with any respect, to say nothing of the truly vile people who continue to propagate lies about VM to this day. So I’m now also very bitter at the fandom, because it put a darkness over the last year we got to see VM be a skating team, and we won’t get that time back.

I don't think I knew when to step back, I stepped back too late tbh. For a long time I tried to fight what was done to them because it was just such injustice in my eyes and in my character I find it hard not to fight for what I believe even when it costs me. I'm putting this under a keep reading since it turned out long.

I think my experience was different for many reasons, I wasn't on tumblr before TS, I didn't know what a fandom is and was never part of one, didn't even know what shipping was. So coming here in 2014 and lurking until I joined fully was a strange experience. And that's partly why I was a part of it but also always an outsider, I didn't have group chats or was a part of some clique. At times I chatted with other blogs but it was mostly impersonal. That's also why I was a very low-key shipper in some ways but I was also much more realistic in terms of what it actually means and what I expect from them (nothing at all btw, shipping them was always on me, not on them, it was my decision and they owed me nothing).

The thing with the TS fandom is that it was toxic from the start and I was completely aware of it. One of my first ever posts was me publicly calling out another blogger for being a bully, it wasn't even done to start a fight or anything, I just didn't know what the decorum was around here... But it was well deserved and only escalated from there. The fandom basically turned people into monsters in my eyes - people were bullies, harassing others, belittling them. Every time a blogger would come out and share a personal experience like TS helping them deal with personal heartbreak - those "monsters" would drag them both anonymously and publicly. And while it drove me crazy to watch it, what made it worse is that most people were reluctant to stand up against it. And this was when the fandom was way smaller than it became in 2018.

During 2016-2018 before they went viral the fandom still had many low points, they'd start a rumor about every person TS were seen talking to, every photoshoot Tessa did made people question her motivation and commitment to skating and made them angry at Scott for not trying enough, every skating related decision was questioned and they were announced as DOOMED about once a week. It was a time where the fandom will have a meltdown about once a month over the dumbest things ever. And yet at that time, it was still worth being around. The good outweighs the bad.

But it stopped being the case in 2018. I was so happy they went viral but the new batch of fans made things a lot worse. They came in knowing nothing and completely fell for the "monsters" that were always around, they needed the entertainment and they didn't care about the consequences of their actions. Some of them came from other fandoms and didn't realize that what you can do when shipping two movie stars, can't be done when it's two Canadian athletes who are much more accessible and way less prepared to deal with the insanity. It became a circus and TS were the opening act, there to either behave as the masses pleases or fall apart in front of them for entertainment purposes. Everything was fair game to those people, their private lives, their reputation, their families, their integrity, it was all a big game.

So even when it was fun I knew it won't last. There were too many people around that I knew in my heart were horrible people, I think about a month after the Olympics I started blocking accounts who were determined to make stuff up or those trying to "educate" new fans by telling them complete fabrications while still abusing the old bloggers that were around. But I was also getting to know new blogs and while some are still around and are totally great, most were either awful from the start or die-hard shippers who were bound to turn on TS once it will get out that they aren't a couple. And then all the rumors about TS being stalked started going around and things became way too much for me.

And I think I knew that it will be a shit show around here when it will come out that they are not a couple, but even I couldn't have imagined the level people were stoop to. The complete insanity that went down reached the media, other skaters were asked to comment about nasty rumors about them, they and their loved ones were cyberbullied.

I think the time I knew I have to make a complete purge to my timeline both here and on twitter was when someone tagged Scott's girlfriend's old husband in a tweet asking him to get her away by taking her back while attaching legal documents from their divorce papers. That was so demented that I knew I don't want to even be associated with those kinds of people. And there are tons of other horrible things that were done, it's just too infuriating to name more of them.

But the one consistent thing in this fandom was that a big part of it will always try to ruin the happy moments: Their first ACI - some tried to make up some guy Tessa is supposedly dating and was there, first SCI - they couldn't even beat C/B in the FD, a small error at 4CC SD - they are falling apart, a stumble at worlds - they won't be allowed to win the Olympics, they choose MR - it's a warhorse and the judges will laugh at them, the entire 2017/18 - they are doomed, touring Japan - they are a couple but are fighting just look at their body language, thank you Ilderton - can't even look at each other. I can legit keep this going for days.

About 95% of TS fandom is the absolute worse, always have been and always will be, and when anyone come across those "nice" fans who interact with Tessa on Instagram or are part of fs twitter - keep in mind most of those people behaved like horrible human beings, not only to TS but to other fans as well. So yeah, I'm bitter LOL.

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

I'm back again (what a surprise lol), if you feel up to it would you mind writing hcs for Jean with the letters Q,T, Y & Z? If that's too much please feel free to take a letter or two off! Tysm 💖

Haha, no worries!! I could gush about Jeanne all day, I really loved writing these!! 💕💕💕 Under a cut because of length (we all know I’m a verbose thot 😂😂😂):

Fluffy ABC headcanons listed here for requests!

Q = Quality Time (how does he like to spend time with her?) 

Jeanne loves to do anything MC wants to do (within reason). Any amount of time with her anywhere fills him with bliss. (The heartbreaking alternative to this is that, while he understands they both have things to do that require them to be apart during the day, he misses her presence dearly.)

She wants to bake? He will sit there in the most embarrassing apron and chef hat known to man, and he won’t give a single fuck as long as MC is genuinely delighted and having a marvelous time. In a meadow overflowing with flowers? He’d enjoy the atmosphere alone, but the feeling is just multiplied a thousand-fold at the sight of MC weaving little flower crowns. She places one on his head and excitedly tries to show him how to make one himself, and he just smiles fondly. She wears the crown he makes no matter his lack of skill for the delicate task, and her insistence fills him with such unabating warmth. He struggles to do more mundane tasks and doesn’t really understand where all her energy comes from sometimes, but even so it brings him endless amounts of joy. Will escort her anywhere she wants to go without a single complaint; theater? You got it. Concert? Sure. Watching paint dry? Sick, time to get out the sword polish and chill. (It’s like Netflix and chill, only worse.)

The only places he will ever hesitate to bring her are places that are potentially dangerous; let’s say the black market, or the local casino, Vlad’s castle, etc. etc. He doesn’t like to expose her to unnecessary risks, but he also won’t stop her if she has a good reason/really wants to go. He’ll just glare at every potential threat and stick to her side like glue.

His personal favorite way to spend time though is in settings where they have quiet and privacy, where it’s just the two of them. Whether they’re in the gorgeous field full of lilies behind the mansion or cuddling in their bedroom, he is at his most comfortable and content wherever she is in his arms and they are left alone. (Let it be known that he doesn’t hate others, he just can’t help that he finds larger groups of people exhausting to keep up with--and he’s always on guard to ensure MC’s safety.)

T = Time (how long did it take them to get together?)

(I’m going to preface this by saying: I’m well aware that ikevamp speeds things up but I tend to see that as a narrative necessity; I think a lot of the men would work up to their romance more slowly, ideally.)

With Jeanne it’s a little funny because he develops affection/intrigue for people fast, so it’s fairly obvious when he starts crushing on MC. (I can’t stress enough, Sebas and Mozart are BOTH lenny face from like the first fucking day, it’s the funniest thing in the world. ANYWAY--). He’s similar to Leonardo in that way; there are certain qualities he inherently finds appealing, so he naturally gravitates to people that reflect them. However, a more abiding love--the desire to form a romantic bond with someone--takes more time for him. He and Sebastian share this quality (ISXJ amirite); they fall more and more deeply in love with the person they cherish as they form consistently pleasant memories in their proximity. More than anything, these two stoic characters need somebody that makes them feel safe, appreciated, and profoundly seen.

Her relentless desire to reach others in a positive way is the first thing that attracts Jeanne’s attention, but otherwise he is absolutely a slow burn when it comes to being committed to another person. He needs time to fall in love with all the little parts of his MC (all of which he finds endearing uwu), to develop trust and see that his MC can handle him, too. He knows he’s...a lot...so he can’t really be comfortably intimate without having the other person see the best and worst of him. If MC can face his past with sensitivity and earnest concern--without being overwhelmed--then he will well and truly be a goner for them. That’s the thing about Jeanne: he needs time to feel comfortable with his decision, but when he has decided he’s one of the most devoted lovers in existence. 

Given his necessity for security, he needs somebody who can see him at his most vulnerable without panicking and gently bring him back to himself--someone who doesn’t mind his wooden nature and difficulty expressing himself. I would say getting together would take at least a year and a half, at minimum. He needs somebody that, for all of his reticence and power, recognizes that he means absolutely no harm to anyone so long as they aren’t hurting him or anyone else. Under normal circumstances (rather than expedited ones), I imagine those difficult topics wouldn’t come up that quickly.

If we’re talking together as in hanky panky, I think it would take him a little while beyond that--but that would depend on his partner, too. If she needs time or doesn’t want it at all, he will wait any length of time or not engage at all. If she’s more desirous, he will engage faster and with more frequency. He likes being intimate and close to her, but would never insist on it if it made her unhappy. 

Y = Yes (how would he propose to her?)

When it comes to Jeanne, I think his proposal would be simple, direct, and entirely expected--but no less heartfelt and deeply romantic. He’s a man of few words, but whatever he lacks in eloquence he makes up for in charged brevity. He doesn’t much understand the social conventions/expectations tied to marriage in this era (and he does not listen to Comte either) so I imagine it comes to him naturally in the course of being with her.

It’s a few years into their relationship, and he’s smiling because she’s dazzling--whether it’s humming in the garden, or staring at the stars, or curled up close to his heart in his shared room; he just knows. Whether it’s a sin, or unconventional, or something he doesn’t deserve--none of those things are strong enough to deter him anymore. He wants to be the one that she turns to always when in need, wants to protect everything that she is--a sweet beacon in a world where he knows how easily that kind of brave light is snuffed out. Honestly more than anything, she just makes him feel like it’s okay to hope again, that it’s okay to want good things for himself and the future. He was a soldier once branded a traitor, but that isn’t who he has to be anymore. Now he has a choice; he’s free to move forward however he wishes. She taught him that.

“MC?” 

Bright eyes turn to him, smooth skin glowing in the moonlight beside him. She’s beautiful; he doesn’t think any amount of time will ever be enough to fully appreciate the blessing of her existence. As if she could hear his thoughts, she encourages him to share. She was always like that, always so perceptive and patient, no matter how much he struggled to articulate something. He much preferred the sound of her voice over his any day. “Is something on your mind, love? Something good happen today?”

He was fully aware he had none of the wit or charm that other men possessed, and while he wished he could be that for her--it simply wasn’t within his capabilities. So he used the words he understood best, following his direct nature: “Will you marry me?”

Her eyes widen a little, but the surprise is muted; it was more a matter of time than anything else. Even so her eyes glisten, and before he can try to calm her (her tears dissolved all his good sense, sent his heart into chaos), her arms are tight around him. He can hear her heart racing, even faster than his own.

“Of course I will! Yes, Jeanne!”

He’d hoped she wouldn’t hate the idea but her excitement, the tenderness that lingers in the way she cradles him close, makes him smile against her shoulder. His arms tighten around her, and he renews his vow to be her sword--the one and only man to protect her until the end of their days. (Yes, Mozart later drags his ass to the jeweler’s to get a proper ring 😂😂😂)

Z = Zen (what makes him feel calm?)

There are very few things in this life that bring Jeanne peace, but I think the highest things on that list would be MC’s voice/presence in general and his little babie Cherie (bonus points if the two are playing together, he just melts Mon Dieu 😭💖💖💖 ). 

He’ll often ask MC to read to him, if she’s so inclined, when his literacy improves. He loves the soft sound of her voice, and he wants to keep improving on his ability to communicate with more clarity. It makes her so happy when he leaves her coherent notes and manages to convey his thoughts with greater accuracy, so it really motivates him to keep striving. He likes it even better when she gets really into a reading, doing silly voices or changing the dynamics of her voice to fit the piece’s mood. It makes him smile; so excitable and cute. Though alternatively, she could be reading the phone book for all he cares; it’s enough to soothe him right to sleep. Sometimes--and especially when he’s had bad nightmares, retraumatizations, or when he’s overstimulated--she’ll fit him gently in her lap and just talk until he falls asleep. She’ll sing, read, talk about things they’re looking forward to, talk about things she needs to do tomorrow, talk about silly shenanigans that happened in the mansion recently; anything that will bring him back to her and her love. It really works to center him, to situate him back in the present moment instead of rattling around in his own head.

It’s honestly much like the sea and the shore, though there may be tides--the water recedes and surges--she will always be there to meet him.

Cherie is his baby girl and such a sweet kitty that he can’t help but smile whenever she bounds over to him. A little ball of energy, he’s always getting her toys, toting her around, and petting her gently. Whenever Cherie and MC are together in front of him, his heart about explodes from the uwus of it all; they’re his most cherished ones, and he loves to see them get along. MC will usually be giggling and cooing at the pretty tiger, and Cherie soaks up the affection with obvious glee. Just watching them is enough to make his heart so light--he can’t think of anything else that makes him relax down to the marrow.

He will also find a lot of calm after lovemaking, which is something that surprises him--something he never expected. Jeanne has a hard time connecting with other people; not because he doesn’t care, but because emoting in conventional ways can be a challenge for him. He doesn’t have He Who Must Not Be Named’s charm, he doesn’t have Napoleon’s easy confidence, he doesn’t effuse Vincent’s natural warmth. He’s aware of how little he emits tangible humanity according to the perceptions of others. It leads to him feeling isolated everywhere he goes, even if people don’t particularly dislike him. Even so, his MC knows that for all his struggle to express himself, he possesses a deep, fiery wealth of emotion and passionate feeling. He cherishes her willingness be vulnerable alongside him; to embrace the good and the difficult parts of him in stride. He is left awestruck by the extent of her fervor and loving heart every single time, and in the aftermath he finds himself at such startling peace with his existence. No pain, no hollowing loneliness, no guilt, no intrusive thoughts--just her warm body against his, so trusting--as she sleeps. He’s grounded in the moment, he feels tethered to her, and he doesn’t know how to handle the full feeling in his chest, the way his heart feels too many sizes too big. He spends many nights adjusting to that feeling of fulfillment, reveling in this new boon--among the dozens she’s already given him. Will wonders never cease?

[having-a-hyperfixate]

Secret Reports

Gonna just edit this thing and put line breaks as I get more of them.

I’m also working on the rest of the completion, and will probably wander off in the middle of this to do Another Day, which will probably have its own post. I fully expect that to be sheer madness. 

#1 So is it just me or is Mr H writing these reports to channel how extremely stressed he is. Cuz like. Mood. *gestures vaguely at blog* *gestures at this post specifically*

I. Hold up. Skeezy McFuckwad and Joshua did what resulting in which now. Excuse me. EXPLAIN!??! Joshua had a sneaky Game running with Skeezy that directly lead to Hazuki ordering Skeezy to destroy Shinjuku??? Is that what I am reading. Or possibly the order was already in the works, and then there was the Game, which ultimately just pushed that forward?? You can’t just say shit like that and not give details ffffffff.

 #2 Mr H having about as much contempt for Shinjuku rules as I do I feel seen haha. Bogus indeed. I can’t remember if I said it in one of my other posts, of if it was in a group chat, but I made a comment somewhere how this ruleset doesn’t seem to work with the stated purpose of the whole Reaper’s Game system. Sweet validation.

 #3 Not much to say except that if I had read this entire report when I actually got it, I would have been much more alarmed by all of the Replays Rindo has to do after that. I got it partway through week 3 but decided not to read it until I beat the game and then BAM it has this lovely tidbit about potentially being able to destroy the UG and RG.

 #4 So, the business that the fandom refers to as the Long Game is known in universe by the higher-ups and Shibuya’s impurification, because it didn’t get ‘purified’ like Shinjuku (I object to that term but ok).

“The hierarchical freeze presumably stems from opposition to the impurification”

Skeezy wasn’t reprimanded when he arrived in Shibuya “possibly because most Higher Plane denizens still oppose Shibuya’s impurification”

ExcUSE ME. I. WHAT. In one of the secret reports for the first game, Mr H says something about the way things turned out be an ‘ideal parallel world’ according to the Angels. I guess he only meant the ones who didn’t want the city destroyed holy shit. That most of them didn’t want Joshua to change his mind and STILL DON’T is so massively fucked up I can’t. Dear Higher Plane, what the actual, ever loving fuck.

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#5 One hundred and four Games under Shiba. That’s… so. many. teams. Holy shit. And the teams we knew had seen at LEAST 30 teams go. And the three teams we saw weren’t small. So many people…

Also, “Minamimoto seems to be plotting something” is the funnies thing I’ve read in ages OF COURSE HE IS that’s what he DOES. XD That was some mood whiplash.

#6 I was so hung up on the lack of entry fee for so long you don’t even know. Like. Those were so important in the first one it was baffling to me that Shinjuku rules didn’t have anything similar. And then eventually I just decided that the whole Game wasn’t being run correctly and Shiba was clearly after something other than driving the improvement that’s supposed to be the point.

I would like more explanation on this ‘Rindo’s stagnation makes him perfect for time travel thing’. I kind of understand how his reactions being consistent would be helpful in being able to control where the timeline goes (also I just realized this further confirms that Angels remember the other timelines glad I wasn’t imagining that the Prime days are a blur), but what does he mean about being able to maintain abnormally high levels of imagination? (It might tell me later so don’t say anything lol)

“I can only hope I’m not overthinking things.” Oh, you aren’t. If I’m understanding everything correctly, Skeezy actually had two proxies. And poor Rindo managed to end up being proxy for both sides at the same time which is. A mess.

 #7 Well, finally we know how Coco managed to get her hands on a taboo sigil. Plagiarism. Lmao. That at least makes sense and I can worry less about her being Something Else. I would like a word with whoever didn’t clean that up from Udagawa long enough for her to copy it though. That’s hilarious. Interesting that Mr H thinks it wasn’t a perfect recreation though, that something in him got changed. Once again, please elaborate. Please. *headdesk* What prompted Coco to just. Copy a taboo sigil though. Cuz that seems. Unusual.

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#8 Ok there’s a lot to unpack in this one. Namely, more Shinjuku rules. I would love to know if these are long standing rules or relatively recent. Cuz like. Did Shinjuku’s Game ever run in a way that would drive the kind of improvement that’s supposed to be the overall goal? Or has it always, or at least for a while now, been basically a meat grinder? The players that don’t clear that minimum bar probably just get erased outright, I would think. Actually, I’m confused. If normally, one team would get to leave and one team would be erased, wouldn’t that normally keep the average pretty level, so the Game would basically go on forever? Otherwise what do you do with all the other teams that are between first and last? I’m confused. It can’t be normal for teams to keep asking for more rounds. And what if the winning team says ‘everyone gets to go home’?

“The Conductor has yet to contact the Composer” and “it is possible he is unaware of the Higher Plane’s purification protocol.” I don’t know why, but I get the feeling these are important.

 #9 These secret reports are really driving at the whole ‘Rindo just goes with it’ thing, aren’t they. Like, that was his thing, right? He has trouble making definitive decisions? So his arc culminates in that moment in Udagawa where he tells Hazuki that he’s going to take the risk and go back one more time, where he’s making that decision purely for his own sake. And here Mr H seems to be saying that prodding Rindo down the road to character growth is going to be a lot harder than it was with Neku back in the day. Which makes sense, I think. Confronting someone with the concept that other people have value is a lot less complicated than trying to get them to not only make a firm decision, but to choose something that is purely because it’s what they want and need, not because someone else thinks they should.

It’s a little alarming that this report implies that if the pin wasn’t absorbing the Dissonance caused by the Replays, the UG and RG would already be having a bad time. Yikes. This is the report for day 2 of the second week. We haven’t even gotten into the crazy time travel yet.

Aaaaand #10 is for completing the social network, so I have to actually go do Another Day. I want to read these in order; it is much less confusing that way.

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#10 I really shouldn’t read these late at night with a possible migraine coming on, they’re already confusing enough. The bits that made sense: Uzuki was acting Conductor damn girl. (Did she have to deal with Joshua and was he in Dignified Mode or Being a Shit Mode because that’s possibly an oof.) I had assumed Shiba was Shinjuku’s Conductor and then just kinda took over after they moved in but apparently not? And RIP the actual Conductor, apparently. Weird that so many Reapers made it but the Conductor, who by all rights should have, didn’t.

I am slightly concerned by the fact that there’s standard procedure for obliterating a district. That’s. Alarming.

I don’t think page 4 is continuing the thought on page 3. Fucking. Stop that. Don’t just say a thing and then start talking about something else I would like EXPLANATIONS. UGH. “Almost” he says. I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that almost is a big deal, so why don’t you tell me about it.

Four cases where a district got into trouble before a final decision on whether to reset or not was made. And one was the last game. I wonder if that means whatever was wrong that made Joshua want to destroy it, or if the ‘imbalance’ was all the madness that happened after he agreed to one final Game with Kitaniji and the left the UG. Cuz in one of the first set of secret reports, it says that with the Composer absent, the UG is starting to fall apart as the rules are no longer valid, or something like that. I would definitely call that an imbalance.

 #11 All I care about in this report is that Mr H wants to have a digital art bonding party with Kaie and that is so random why are you writing this down you absolute goober. The first page of this report is like ‘everyone is getting depressed’ and then just a wild left turn into dork-town. Lmao what.

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#12 I don’t think Mr H knows at this point (you get this report for W2D5’s Boss Noise) that the Ruinbringers are all Reapers. He’s gonna be mad. He does know what Shoka is up to though. He’s worried. Aw.

 #13 It didn’t occur to me until this report hit me in the face with it, but they’ve set up a fantastic contrast between the two people Rindo knows from online. One is. not great, let’s say, because I did not take the reveal of Motoi’s true self well. The other is Shoka, and she’s a real friend. I now see what you did there. One relationship that’s a farce and one that really, really isn’t.

 #14 Me, out loud, at 1:30 in the damn a.m.: WAIT. HOLD THE FUCK UP.

If getting Tsugumi out of Mr Mew required an Angel, how in the hell did Shiki manage to…? What. I’m very confused.

Also damn, saving Tsugumi was so important that Shinjuku’s Conductor died for it. Did he know what she could do, the whole visions thing? Or maybe that something was wrong with Shiba and it would take someone like her to potentially stop him in the future?

I still would like to now how the hell Tsugumi got her hands on Mr Mew. Especially since its apparently the ORIGINAL Mr Mew and she seems to have had him during the inversion? What.

 #15 So… Inversions don’t always happen when a region is purified. I’m trying to wrap my brain around what a ‘complete loss of character’ in and area that’s had an Inversion could mean. Like… I think I get it, but my brain won’t make words, let alone sentences. Like when you go into a hotel room, and it doesn’t feel like a home, as opposed to when you go to a friend or family’s house, and it does? Kinda like that but it’s the whole district that’s just… blank? That’s kinda creepy.

If there are so many who think a ‘regular purification’ isn’t enough, the a) what does that even look like, b) is that what Joshua was going to do to Shibuya and c) is there an intermediate step between ‘normal’ and Inversion? I have been staring at this report for literally 15 minutes now.

 #16 “I wonder how [Shiba] will feel about all this after he is allowed to return to his former self.” Yuuuuuup. I still Do Not Like him, but dude was borderline mind controlled so like. Yeah. And I did get to kill him once, so. As long as he minds his business and isn’t a total dick from here on, whatever. It all just sucks.

*facepalm* Well at least we got to being suspicious of Replay eventually. Why did it take you this long Mr H. Though I do wonder what Rindo would have been able to do without the interference. He had to have some kind of latent skill for the pin to react to him, right? I’m now going in circles mentally trying to puzzle out if Replay is like, a leveled up version of whatever Rindo would have naturally had, and regardless, where exactly it came from. Because the only time I can think of when anyone had a chance to mess with the pin was when he didn’t catch it in the prologue. And I’m pretty sure it was Joshua who picked it up. Aaagh I’m giving myself a headache.

I find it hard to believe skeezy would just yeet a random time travel pin out into the world. That seems both dumb as fuck and inefficient.

 #17 “Some of them who know what I am occasionally try to contact me.” Lol so Kariya DOES know who Mr H is, I take it. Alright.

I’m having some kind of emotion that Wildkat still exists in a way for the Reapers, and that some of them still go there.

I just imagined Uzuki texting him like ‘plz make the Composer fucking do something kthx’ and I’ve got the giggles now oh dear

 #18 HA! I was right! Minamimoto WASN’T in control when he attacked us! ‘Distortions within himself’ though, that’s concerning. Does that have to do with how he’s come back from the dead twice now? And how Coco’s copy of the sigil was apparently imperfect?

 #19 I was about to say ‘who would target him for his abilities?’ and then my brain turned back on because duh. Shiba and them were looking hard for Neku, to the point that they flooded the RG with Player Pins in the hopes that he would pick one up and get sucked into the Game. A thing that occurred to me last night at 3:30 in the morning because I am a disaster: Mr H says that Minamimoto ‘seems different’. Neku says much the same thing after he comes back. So… Neku’s ability to Scan all the way down to someone’s Soul is potentially close to as sensitive as Mr H’s long distance ability. Which is a little insane. On top of the fact that he can use basically every psych imaginable no problem, survived a pact with a Composer for a full week, while said Composer was using crazy light beams which probably should have melted Neku from the feedback, and then almost singlehandedly defeated the Conductor while somehow inventing four-way fusion attacks. Kid is mad powerful. And he’s just a human. Like, the OG secret reports say that people always become dramatically stronger when they become Reapers. Reaper!Neku would be unstoppable.

“This would be much simpler if I could sit down and talk with him.” Okay, I laughed out loud. Like, loudly.

So… Shinjuku’s Composer… basically had his Conductor assassinated by skeezy. And because skeezy was messing with Shiba’s head, he could prompt Shiba to take the Reapers to Shibuya afterwards, to start doing it there too? Hazuki ordered Shinjuku’s purification so… Oh dear. I might have a few bones to pick with him.

 OH NO. OOOOOH. OH NOOOO. SHINJUKU’S CONDUCTOR. HE WAS TSUGUMI’S BROTHER OH MY GOD. That is fucking tragic what the fuck. What the FUCK. Okay several things make sense now but OH MY GOD FUCKING HELL I WAS NOT READY FOR THAT. Shiki fixing Mr Mew allowed Tsugumi to free herself because her brother had already done part of the work, I take it? Along with us getting the Noise out of there? No wonder the Conductor stayed, he had to go get his sister… Shit, man.

 …… Did Coco steal Mr Mew and take him to Shinjuku?????

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#21 isn’t very interesting, just a rehash of stuff we already knew.

#22 Okay Haz IS Shinjuku’s Composer. What. Why? I’m. So confused. Why would he intercede on our behalf, and why NOW? He was happy to throw his own city away, but stepped in to stop skeezy in Shibuya? And then tried to put it back together, and when Rindo was miserable he came to try to understand why. And then cajoled Rindo into having a breakthrough in his Character Development to boot.

Mr H says he has an idea why Haz did all this. And then doesn’t fucking say it because OF COURSE. *headdesk* That gets really old really fast, game.

I’m now running through The Last Day’’ to get the final two reports and this entire section with Haz is somehow even more confusing with context. God damn it Nomura.

 #23 Even after he said we were on our on this time, he forced the Soul Pulvis to reform as Pheonix Cantus to make it easier for us to fight? Bro. What. Are all Composers just… walking contradictions? Aiya.

Shoutout to emotional support Joshua at the end there lol. I remember half-hysterically thinking ‘what are you just here for moral support?’ but ok. And I mean, it did work, Neku did manage to do the thing, so. *sigh* Speaking of, it is ABSOLUTELY INSANE that Neku manage to sync with the entire city without his brain melting. Remember at the beginning of the first game when he scans for the first time and has a massive sensory overload? Look at my boy, all grown up.

 #24 Holy shit world building on how exactly people come back to life without everyone freaking out. I never thought I would see the day.

I still have so many questions but that was always going to be the case. The first game had so many things it left open as well. Agh. Time to start wearing new holes in my brain overthinking things.

[wolfpackimagines14]

Lizzie Swan - Chapter 2

Word Count - 2k

A/N: I am SO sorry this took so long to finish! I had an extreme case of writer’s block about halfway through and I finally finished it. I’m sorry for the abrupt ending of the chapter, I didn’t really know how to end it lol. Leave some comments or message me about any ideas you might have for the story! xoxo

The day that Bella went missing in the woods was the beginning of a long three months of depression for her, and therefore, dad and I as well. The Cullens had left and Edward had broken up with her on that walk just before she got lost.

She wouldn’t listen to music, she wouldn’t go out with her friends anymore, and she barely left her room for those first three months. She was definitely depressed, but our dad didn’t want to force her to see a doctor if she didn’t want to, no matter how many times that I brought it up.

The worst part was when she would start screaming in the middle of the night. She would always, without fail, wake up screaming and dad and I would take turns helping her. It was exhausting and I was barely getting any sleep. Even the nights when dad would help her I couldn’t get back to sleep right away.

Dad actually had a serious talk with her last night. He told her that if she didn’t start trying to get back to normal, he was going to send her to live with her mother in Florida. That had seemed to snap something in her because she went out with Jessica to the movies tonight. Dad had wanted me to tag along to keep an eye on her, but I had to work until 10 so that hadn’t been possible.

I got home before she did and if I hadn’t left my bedroom because I needed to use the bathroom at the very moment she got home I probably wouldn’t have seen or heard her come in. I had tried to make conversation about some customer at the restaurant, but she seemed even weirder than usual. But that was the first night in three months that she didn’t wake up screaming in the middle of the night.

It was the first good night’s sleep that I’d had in awhile and I woke up that Saturday morning feeling refreshed. That relieved feeling didn’t last however when Bella dragged me to Jacob Black’s house, but not without making a stop to buy two used and run down motorcycles. She wouldn’t even let me ask any questions.

The next month was spent going back and forth between Forks and La Push. We would go to school, then go to Jacob’s garage, and then Bella would drop me off at work. It was a pretty consistent schedule and I was grateful to Jacob for helping Bella get close to normal again.

There were still some times that she seemed sad again about Edward and the Cullens leaving, but for the most part she was alright. Except for her new craving for adrenaline she had developed. She had gone to the ER a few times just this month and dad was starting to get worried, but Bella’s new goal was to find some meadow in the woods that Edward had brought her to. Which seemed a lot safer than riding motorcycles.

Jacob didn’t really want to help as he wanted Bella to let go of Edward all together, but I thought it would be a good idea to find the meadow. I thought it might help her finally accept that he had left.

So while January had been a mostly blissful time in the Swan household, February brought some trouble. Bella had gone to the movies with Mike Newton and Jacob. It was an awkward combination of people, but I couldn’t tag along because I had to work that night. She had come home earlier than expected and said that Jacob wasn’t feeling well so they had called it a night.

That was the beginning of the craziness that changed my life forever. Jacob stopped answering Bella’s calls and Billy’s excuse of mono weren’t working anymore. She was angry at first, but then she just got sad again.

Jacob was starting to piss me off now. Bella had finally gotten back to normal and I had forgotten what it was like to not sleep all night due to her screaming, but with Jacob not speaking with her she was basically back to square one. It was like all that progress that she had made these past few months hadn’t ever happened.

So while Bella continued to try to call Jacob and had more and more sleepless nights, I continued going to school and work while also getting more and more sleepless nights. Finally, February came to an end. The shortest month of the year had definitely seemed like the longest in my mind.

The first Saturday of March was the day that Bella and I went out to find the meadow. I wasn’t about to let her go alone, so we went earlier in the day because I had work that afternoon. It was a long ass hike to that meadow.

“Bella,” I groaned for probably the tenth time that day. “Do you have any idea how much longer?”

“I have no idea,” she huffed out, definitely as out of breath as I was right now. “I don’t know exactly where it is… it’s been awhile.”

“It’s literally been two hours,” I responded, taking a quick pitstop to drink some water. “You hate hiking. How the hell did you do this last time?”

She didn’t respond and instead started walking again. I hung back for a second, chugging my water again before sighing and climbing the hill, where Bella had just disappeared from my line of sight.

“Bella?” I called out to her, but there wasn’t any response. I finished climbing the hill and finally the tree line broke and I saw what was once probably the beautiful meadow that Bella had spoken so highly of.

Bella seemed to be in shock as she kept looking around at the brown, empty field.

“Well,” I sighed. “It is the beginning of March. Not exactly the time for flowers to be in bloom.”

“I just didn’t think it would look like this,” she said, kneeling down to touch the dead grass.

“We can always come back in a month or two and it’ll be just like the last time you were here,” I offered to her, but she shook her head.

“It won’t ever be the same as the last time I was here,” she said softly, slowly standing up. She seemed like she was going to say something else, but she stopped short. She was staring at something behind me.

I slowly turned around and saw a man. He had long dreadlocks and seemed to be wearing a suit, with the jacket hanging open to reveal his bare chest. And he was not giving off a friendly vibe.

“Laurent?” Bella questioned the mysterious man. I whipped my head back around to look at her questioningly. Did she know this guy?

“Bella,” Laurent greeted my sister. “I didn’t expect to find you here.”

All of a sudden, he was standing much closer to Bella and I. It was like I blinked and he had suddenly made his way across the field. There was no way someone could move that fast. Who the fuck was this guy?

“I went to visit the Cullens,” Laurent continued as he started circling us like we were his prey. “But the house is empty. I’m surprised they left you behind. Aren’t you sort of a… pet of theirs?”

I reached out to grab Bella’s hand, both to comfort her and myself about the situation.

“Um,” Bella responded. “Something like that.”

“Do the Cullens visit often?” Laurent asked.

“... all the time,” Bella told him after a moment of silence. My breath hitched a little in my throat at her blatant lie. This wasn’t going to end well. “I’ll tell them you stopped by. I probably shouldn’t tell Edward… because he’s pretty protective. He might misinterpret this little get together.”

“Well he’d be right, if he were here,” he continued. “But he’s not, is he? He’s far away.”

“Why are you here?” Bella asked Laurent. She kept herself slightly in front of me as Laurent came to a stop.

“I came as a favor to Victoria,” he replied and Bella gripped my hand tighter. “She asked me to see if you were still under the protection of the Cullens, because Victoria is quite put out with you.”

I could barely think straight, my mind was going 100 miles an hour.

“Me?” Bella asked, alarmed now.

“Victoria thinks it’s only fair to kill Edward’s mate, given he killed hers,” Laurent said matter-of-factly. What the actual fuck was going on? Edward killed someone?

“Edward would know who did it!” Bella tried to warn him. “And he’d come after you.”

“I don’t think he will,” Laurent said, shaking his head. He was so close to us now that I could see his red eyes. “After all, how much could you have meant to him if he left you here unprotected. Victoria won’t be happy about me killing you, but I can’t help myself. You are so mouthwatering.”

“Is this your sister?” Laurent addressed me for the first time. “She smells almost as delectable as you. Perhaps I’ll kill her first and make you watch. That would please Victoria.”

“Please don’t!” Bella begged him. “You helped us…”

“Shh shh shh,” Laurent was suddenly right in front of us, shushing Bella with his hands. “Don’t be afraid. I’m doing you a kindness. Victoria plans on killing you slowly, painfully… I’ll make it quick.”

Laurent pushed Bella out of the way and I whimpered involuntarily when he grasped my face with one hand and then leant in to smell my neck. I tried to get away, but he was freakishly strong. I’d been asking who this man was, but I think the real question was what this guy was.

“I promise you will feel nothing…” he trailed off as he stepped back and his red eyes widened and fangs appeared in his mouth as he raised his hand to strike down on us.

Holy fuck, was he a vampire? That would’ve been my last thought before he killed me, if Laurent hadn’t froze at that moment.

“I don’t believe it,” he said to himself after he had turned to the side of us to look at the tree line. Bella and I looked where he was looking and waited in silence, listening to the rustling of the trees and the low growls of some large animal.

A large black animal that I can only describe as a wolf stepped through the trees, stalking towards the vampire that was threatening us. Even Bella looked shocked, so I knew this was a new discovery for her too.

As the first wolf aggressively growled, more wolves appeared from the tree line behind it. Laurent suddenly whipped around at an incalculable speed and was gone. The shock seemed to be getting to me because my knees buckled and I fell to the ground, my eyes locked on the ginormous wolves, specifically the dark silver one.

This wolf also couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of me. Our eyes were locked together, even as the other wolves left the clearing and ran after Laurent. The wolf seemed almost conflicted, if that were even possible.

But as Laurent started attacking the other wolves at the far end of the clearing, the silver wolf shook his head, as if to clear his thoughts, and ran after the others.

It was at that moment that I realized that Bella had been trying to get my attention.

“Lizzie!” she was screaming at me. “Elizabeth we have to go! We have to go now!”

“He was a vampire… wasn’t he?” I was rambling now. “Holy shit… was Edward a vampire, Bella!?”

“Now is not the time, Lizzie,” she was now shaking me by my shoulders. “We have to go. NOW!”

She was able to pull me to my feet and my fight or flight finally kicked in and my body chose flight. Bella and I held hands as we ran through the woods, running for our lives.

I may have been in shape considering the amount of running I did for soccer, but this was a whole different experience and by the time we got home, I was heaving, could barely breathe, and there were tears running down my face.

As Bella dealt with dad downstairs, I immediately ran to my room and locked the door.

Tags:

@ravenmoore14

@k-n-e

@oopsiedoopsie23

[permanentconundrum]

9/26/21

8:31am Woke up after a couple dreams. I’m going to watch church from home this morning, I’m still not ready to go in person. Feeling a little anxious about just watching online but still looking forward to it. I did the quick breathing exercise through Headspace this morning and it was alright. I also watched the beginning of the video called the wake up and it was about mindfully using technology. The action I made after watching was to turn off notifications for some apps, like Facebook. I’ll look forward to their Sunday Scaries podcast today.

8:38am I’ve been enjoying and seeing benefits from breathing exercises. I think it helps me relax and practice mindfulness. Mindfulness can help me manage stress and anxiety and learn self awareness about how I think. I’m learning to study how it feels to breathe. I might come back to thinking about this

8:43 am going to turn on Sirius XMU. Tenderness by Jay Som was on when I turned on the radio. I find this radio station to be nice to listen to because the DJs are chill and interesting and know their music. Don’t mean to turn this into an ad, but it’s ok, this is just a journal entry. Calling this an ad is a bit excessive, just noting that I found a radio station I like.

8:50am Kind of looking forward to the day. Momentarily felt a bit stressed out. Journaling does help. I kind of want to learn more about the benefits of journaling so I can better make use of the practice. I currently mainly use it to catalog my thoughts, but it would be nice to dig deeper into stuff and maybe find some material for art.

8:55am I can tell I’m conscious that I’ll be posting this online. I kind of wish that wasn’t the case and I could just share my thoughts but it’s ok, it’s a learning experience to share like this. Anyway, it’s time to get set up for church online.

12:05pm Ate some leftover pizza this noon, I was hungry but now I feel better. Bible class after church should be interesting this year, about the book of Revelation. I’ll be interested to learn about it.

Started listening to XMU again just now, a good Sunday activity. I’m going to try reading Refuse by Julian Randall. I’ve been looking forward to reading it but expect it to be kind of intense. Thinking about going to get a coffee in Minneapolis before the Vikings game. We’ll see what happens, I have chores to do too.

12:44pm Read a few poems from the beginning of the book. I put it down and am still listening to the radio. Clairo is on, the song Sophia. It’s kind of an intense book and I wasn’t really feeling affected by it very fully, but maybe I don’t have to in the first reading. Yeah, I really like listening to the radio as a Sunday activity, I find it relaxing. Texting my mom now. She’s preparing for teachers conference today and going to watch the Vikings play. She reminded me of exercise and going to the gym. That would be a good self-care practice too. Maybe I’ll go for a walk. I think I’ve decided I’ll go into Minneapolis for that coffee before the game. Now listening to Rae Street by Courtney Barnett. I like the song.

3:55pm watching the Vikings game and it’s on commercial. I did end up getting coffee in Minneapolis. Feeling a little tired. I should do some chores while I watch.

7:23pm While watching the game, I did a few chores which was productive. I also went on my phone during the game and explored the Headspace app. One thing I did was learn about chronotypes. It is defined in your DNA and determines your best schedule for productivity throughout the day. I am a bear which is the most common of four types. I could still learn more about what it actually means. It is mainly related to a sleeping and eating schedule. I’ll get the name of the guy who talked about this in a book I haven’t read called the Power of When. The guy is Dr. Michael Breus for what it’s worth. Kind of interesting to me. Related is my experience trying to be more mindful about how I have settings in my phone. I took off notifications for a few apps including Facebook which has been nice. I haven’t cared about Facebook alerts in quite a while. Related to Headspace, I also listened to the Sunday Scaries podcast episode from today. It’s a short podcast with a short breathing exercise and helpful tips for the coming week. This time was an introduction basically to the work I’ve been doing using the app for working through anxiety. It’s just the start, but it’s encouraging to think about how far I’ve come in that Headspace program. I still have a ways to go to get mindfulness to help even more with anxiety, and using breathing exercises as well.

One other thing I did during the game was start shopping for a car which is not a task I enjoy really. It’ll be fun to update my ride lol but also used car prices have risen and it’s uncertain if they’ll go back down. I’ll try to keep looking regularly for several weeks.

Listening to the radio again while journaling. That thought interrupted my line of thinking about the Headspace app, and I’m trying to navigate how much of this journaling will be stream of consciousness. Sometimes my thoughts can get somewhat scatterbrained which isn’t helpful for a blog. Normally in my private journal I let the thoughts be scatterbrained because that is true stream of consciousness and it’s fun to see how the stream of consciousness works. I think I’ll experiment with and without editing related thoughts together in different posts and see what feels better. I found the need to organize placement of topics here a bit, while maintaining integrity of the writing for the most part.

Lying in my bed rn and journaling on my phone. That’s my normal setup. This song by PJ Harvey is kind of hot lol. It’s called Rid of Me. Self conscious that I’m basically an ad for this radio station but also the songs in this blog post could be a decent playlist so there’s that. On that note I’m excited to listen to the new collaborative album between Sufjan Stevens and Angelo de Augustine. I like what I’ve heard by way of introduction so far.

I went for a walk after the Vikings’ win. It was nice getting outside. I momentarily felt anxious about the coming week, but remembered to return my focus to the present moment which helped. It is now 8:00 so I’ve been at this a while.

8:50 My phone died so I took the opportunity to watch CNBC Street Signs (Asia) and fold clothes, I was surprised by my energy to do a chore. After I finished that, I realized it wouldn’t take long to clean the bathroom so I did most of that quickly too. Quite pleased I could get those things done. I also got laundry done today too, so pretty productive. Cleaning your space can be part of self care, so it’s good to do that. Exercise is part of it as well, so it’s good I got a walk.

9:02pm I should do the next Headspace exercise. They have been relaxing this past week.

9:24pm I finished the tenth and last session in part two of the course on managing anxiety. I do feel a sense of accomplishment even though it took a while to get through it. I was consistent in the last week or so and the sessions went well. I’m looking forward to the next ten sessions. They’ll talk about framing the exercise to get the most out of it.I think I’m going to leave it here and watch some of the Circle on Netflix which is a show that makes me laugh. I didn’t do much more with art/poetry today but I managed to stay in the present moment pretty well and not worry about the coming week. I hope any readers have a good night and start to the week.

[ksbwnotes]

Chapter 8, Part 2

*groans in hands* I have to finish reading everything by September 14. I have no clue if I have the drive for this, but fuck me for having more determination to read this than any of my nursing books...

1. ...So it...wasn’t because...he was killing his prey???

Oh my god I hate that smirk on your face Sangstop.

But...now that does make me wonder if this is true and to what extent it’s true. Bum has been picturing Sangwoo slicing into women while he was downstairs and we also see Sangwoo’s hands often damp. So honestly, installing that pulley can’t be the only things he does there.  

Actually now that I think about it, the dampness is more from having to clean the basement and making sure there’s no residue from the woman that he killed. He’s very thorough. 

But...that pulley. Maybe he really did install that just in case?  He’s starting to use methods he has never did before. Because he has an outlier in his life now that he never expected. So he needs different types of punishments whenever Bum steps out of line, things that won’t break Bum completely like blades and sledgehammers will. If he’s going to keep Bum by his side and properly train him, then he can’t keep using the same methods he uses to kill his victims. 

Because, ultimately, he doesn’t want to kill Bum. (later on, when he does decide he’ll kill Bum, we see him reach a new level of destruction that he wasn’t capable of earlier. He had to break more in order to reach that point. So, losing Bum made Sangwoo lose whatever little hope he had and, metaphorically, killing Bum means Sangwoo is killing whatever hope he had)

2. *wince* yep

God your reactions are delayed, but...yeah. 

Sangwoo’s first reaction was to treat Bum favorably with a little kiss. To show that, yes, that’s one of the correct actions Bum could’ve taken--one of the ways to change his mind. But 1) Bum still came onto him sexually. Sex seems more of a trigger for Sangwoo (honestly, I think 99% of the women Sangwoo has slept with have died lol). 2) If Sangwoo let Bum have his way, then Bum will have the upperhand and he can’t have that. This is about making sure Bum knows what he did wrong and that he won’t do it again. 

So even if a part of him does like what Bum did, it’s not something he can overall accept. 

Oh one thing about his delayed reactions...it might be another coping mechanism of his?  As a way to build up resistance to what he’s about to do. Whenever he does something impulsively, you see him lose it. But when he takes the time to do things, his expression is more dead-eyed than wild-eyed. 

3. Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars

But i still can’t help but laugh lsjg;ijeog

Also, Bum, please...just...connect the dots faster please...but one notable thing about his character is that he doesn’t. While Sangwoo experiences delays in understanding, Bum disconnects entirely from the reality. Koogi keeps this trait of his goddang consistent.

4. Wait what the fuck

This is...worse than cutting???  You can literally snap someone’s neck with the force of pulling them up straight from the ground. How is this supposed to be a better option??  Also, lets be real, Bum’s trachea would’ve been done in by the force of this. Honestly, I’m surprised Bum’s jaw is fine. Fkk, what about the SPINE, HUH SANGWOO!!??!?!? The fact that Bum’s still able to even speak afterwards and does not have burn marks from the rope is...is whyyyyy this is a piece of fiction, Aetas, not real life sjgo;erjg.

Anyways, okay, so Koogi must have chosen this as Sangwoo’s alternative for a reason and I do think Sangwoo believes this is genuinely a better option. Even though, just speaking from personal experience dealing with patients, they always respond more dramatically to airway closure than blood loss. 

If I think about my earlier idea, he uses violence not really as a sexual outlet (though, probably at this point, he doesn’t know how to get off without--at the very least--being rough and treating his partner as an object), but as a way to hurt people in the way he has perceived them hurting him. The bonus is giving them bruises and scars that he can see--visible marks for the invisible pain they’ve given him. It’s...validating for him, maybe?

So, this way, Bum is still suffering and being punished for making Sangwoo ‘suffer’, but won’t have visible marks. In this way, this is less validating for Sangwoo because there’s no “proof” of pain, so Sangwoo perceives it as less painful. Because he’s a fucking asshole and that’s putting it too kindly (lol Sangwoo worsening instead of getting better and dying at the end is literally the only reason why I decided to read this and why I respect Koogi).

Also, from what I see later, Sangwoo knows for how long he can hold Bum there without him dying. So I’m not sure who the hell he is tried this on...says me who literally used fkkn google to research how long it takes for someone to pass out from hanging. Which can range anywhere from 3 seconds to 1.5 minutes. So. It varies lol. 

Ohhhh also this is much faster than cutting Bum open. That probably could’ve taken half an hour to even more than that if Sangwoo went that route. But with hanging, Sangwoo knows it can only go for so long, which is why he doesn’t go for more than one session of this. Bum can suffer for either 30 seconds via a very acute session of asphyxiation or he can suffer for thirty minutes or more via cutting. 

Ohhh this is actually very smart of Sangwoo. I can see now why he chose this. He understands that hanging is much scarier and will make the victim really feel like they’re gonna die. So, this explains why Sangwoo decided to set this up for Bum. Because he believes only Bum would be able to prove that, yes, Sangwoo can choose the alternative because he won’t hurt Sangwoo past the point of no return (in a way, death for the victim means that Sangwoo can no longer forgive them because the pain they gave him is just as bad as death). 

5. I don’t have anything to back this up, I really don’t, BUT--

Even though Sangwoo is smiling like an insane freak, it...kind of seems like he’s emulating all the hollywood serial killers we’ve seen on TV. People who are doing this smile like they’re truly enjoying life and blah blah blah. Honestly, Koogi probably means Sangwoo to be like this, like the classic serial killer that gets off other people’s pain.

But for me, it’s like Sangwoo is acting a part. Again, the eyeless thing. Sangwoo is taking on a persona--rather than truly allowing his brain to be present, to think about the situation for himself--that is meant to enjoy this just for the sake of it. 

I also don’t think Sangwoo ever goes into these things planning to kill his victims right then and there. Like, right now, I don’t think he’s planning to actually hang Bum to his death. I can assume Sangwoo has done enough research to know when to stop so that they don’t actually die (but again, it will depend on how his victim responds to the hanging). 

Because Sangwoo keeps giving Bum (and all his other victims) a chance. He probably gave CEO girl a chance right before deciding to kill her because, unlike Bum, she kept screaming and begging for her life. That is why Bum won. Because he proved worthy of a ‘second chance’.

And back to not wanting to actually kill them, that’s because killing them means he’s alone again. I honestly think he’s only doing this to people he has genuinely felt attached to in some way. He wants them to save him. To say, no, he’s not a monster, that he’s still worthy of being loved, that the way his mother loved him is not the type of love he deserves.  

If they’re unable to save him, then that means they’ll only destroy him. And, so, he must get rid of them first before that happens.

6. Seriously no hands why the fuck and what the fuck Sangwoo

Okay, this is gonna be a loooooong one.

And this ties in with my idea about how Sangwoo never actually goes in with the conscious plan to kill his victims (this is very similar to how Bum goes in thinking of one thing, but his actions end up suggesting something entirely different). 

It’s like he ends up killing them as a reaction to what they did

Similar to someone shooting a home invader dead and having it be self-defense

Also, this acts as a mitigating technique to avoid any guilt he feels

I think this also ties in to why Sangwoo doesn’t ‘plan’ things too deeply and just takes things step by step

Because the more he thinks about what he’s doing, the less he’s able to see himself as a human. 

In a way, Sangwoo’s guilt and shame is driving him to do things that just worsen his guilt and shame. 

Because he knows he can never be forgiven

He can never forgive himself 

The reason why he wants someone to magically save him is because ‘helping him’ is a two way street

A hand may reach out to him, but he has to be the one to take hold of it--and it won’t end there

He has to trust the hand to keep a hold on him, no matter what happens--and he has to put in continuous effort to keep holding on as well. 

He cannot trust someone to not only help him, but keep helping him and, more than that, he cannot trust himself. 

He has no hope in the world around him and has no hope for himself, so in a way, the constant killing is a self-preservation act as well

Since, subconsciously, he knows that he cannot live a normal life because of everything that has happened--

--and the world keeps going on in their own bubble despite his pain--

--He has to do something to keep that from crushing him. 

So, instead of killing himself, he’ll continue killing others because it’s what he’s familiar with anyways. And in survival, familiarity is necessary--a form of homeostasis--because that is when protection is possible.

And actually, back to that wanting a savior part. 

Sangwoo has never once been truly protected

He has never felt a sense of security as a child

So, to protect himself, he has made himself impenetrable--stronger and always making sure he has the upperhand 

Anyone who threatens him in any way should be dealt with swiftly so that they never take away his sense of security

So, wanting a savior seems totally opposite of what he should want, but everything he’s done to strengthen himself is in response to never having someone protect him

He wants to be protected for once

He wants someone he can rely on to guide him every step of the way, to be there for him when he’s weak and be his strength

It is something he has been looking for in every one of his victims and Bum is the closest that he can get to fulfilling it

Unfortunately, a savior is exactly what Bum is not. 

And a savior is exactly what Sangwoo does not fkkn need to get better, if he even can at this point.

There are no such things as saviors, just like there are no such things as protagonists. The moment you put ‘getting better’ as someone else’s responsibility rather than your own, you’ve made it so that you can never get better. 

7. Goddang boy, you really know you have nothing else but the grave waiting for you

Hmmmmn...actually, this is...huh. Oh. Okay. Okay. Uhm. So. 

Remember when I said that Sangwoo doesn’t go into these things planning to kill his victim??  Okay so that’s not wrong...but not right either. 

I thought that Bum did the whole hanging this solely as an alternative punishment, which I still think has merit, but now I’m like...okay so, Sangwoo does every little thing he can to make it so that no one can love him. He tries to make it fkkn impossible, which he succeeds at. 

He knows that hanging will bring out more dramatic effects from a person. And Bum has this thing where he can say one thing, but then completely do a 180 from it. And asphyxiation can really force someone to be more...open about their thoughts lol. It’s the lack of blood to the brain, so the brain will have less barriers to keep their filter in check. 

I don’t think he made the pulley as an alternative or lesser punishment, but as a “finality”. He gets that Bum is crossing into ‘unforgivable’ territory, but at the same time, is at the ‘I can still save you’ precipice, which is a hope that is more destructive to Sangwoo. Having that hope then it being torn down will be the last act that destroys his sanity (which is exactly what we see at the end of the comic). 

Because, in a way, he’s still controlling himself in his killings. He’s not just killing anyone, he’s specifically choosing his victims, which reduces the amount of people he kills. If he has to keep on killing, his conscience will make it so that he won’t just start going on random killing sprees and making the body count explode. That is the last tether he has to his sanity.

So, before that tether snaps--by way of having his hope destroyed completely by people like Bum--he’ll put an end to it before it gets any further. This hanging thing was meant to bring out the ‘truth’ from Bum. It was meant to break down all the barriers and finally show his true colors. Which is when Sangwoo can kill Bum via hanging. This will be very different from what he has done before, but Bum was different as well. So him breaking from his habits is his way of applauding Bum. 

 8. Sangwoo’s Doki Doki moment lol

I like how Koogi put those black lines in there as a form of a ‘blush’, but not actually a blush because nothing about this moment is romantic lol. And that ‘thump’ is a facsimile of a person’s heart beating when falling in love.

I honestly think this is the moment where Sangwoo falls in Lima Syndrome. 

Sangwoo is expecting Bum to react in a way that will finally let Sangwoo kill Bum once and for all. Screaming ‘motherfucker’ again. Curse him and say he will die a painful death, like his mother. Beg ‘please’ and for help, like CEO daughter. Anything but Bum still calling Sangwoo’s name, like he’s still a human instead of a monster. 

Just like my first instinct to be like “fucker this is way worse than cutting someone” and reminded me of why Sangwoo should die, Sangwoo knows that what he’s doing to Bum warrants Bum treating him like a monster. But from Sangwoo’s point of view, that isn’t what Bum is doing.

9. Lol, Sangwoo, stop fucking romanticizing this oh my god

KOOGI. STOP OH MY GOD. NO. YOU’RE KILLING ME. SANGWOO’S EXPRESSION. NO. DON’T. I WANT TO STRANGLE MY HEART FOR MAKING ME FEEL FOR THIS FUCKER.

But seriously. This expression. It’s like Sangwoo’s prayers are actually being answered and he can’t believe it. It’s like he’s looking at God reaching out to save him from all the demons threatening to pull him down into hell. There’s this heartbreaking sense for hope and Sangwoo is so scared that it will fall through his fingertips and shatter on the ground at his feet. 

But it is worthy to note that Bum calling out to Sangwoo via his name is actually pretty normal. I think it’s more common for children calling out for their parent to stop, because the person who is hurt them is more often then not the only person who can help them. And if throwing away your pride to appeal to your abuser is the only way to make this pain stop, then no fucking duh they will. 

Just because Bum is the only one who has done so at this point doesn’t mean Bum is ‘special’. He’s a fkkn human being who has been abused ever since he was a child and is familiar with the other ways of begging for his life. If anything, I think this is more indicative of how specific Sangwoo’s victims are and that he hasn’t actually killed that many people. 

10. Goddang Koogi, so much respect for you

Seriously, the way Sangwoo reacts to this is the same way when he later reacts to Bum saying “I love you” while Sangwoo is raping him. 

So going off of that future incidence, Sangwoo here is being affected by Bum on a personal level. This is the level where, if triggered, the more he’ll want to keep Bum by his side because this is the closest Sangwoo can get to genuinely/healthily loving someone. 

But the thing is, THIS is how he reacts to it. With aggression. And there’s this muscle twitch at the corner of his mouth that even suggests fear. Because that is how Eunsoo conditioned Sangwoo to react to ‘love’. Love is not something to desire, it’s something to repel because it’s a threat to your existence. But, of course, Sangwoo still wants love--he wants to be shown how love was meant to be in the first place. 

And that is why he saves Bum. 

Because Bum is his only--damning, dangerous, terrifying--hope for experiencing that.

(which is exactly why he fucking snaps later when he realizes that Bum cannot give him what he wants and if Bum can’t, no one can, so what’s the point of anything?)

11. O_O Oh...uhm.

I’m...yeah. So I still don’t think Sangwoo is the type that gets sexual gratification from killing and torturing people. Him holding Bum up by his legs so that he’s no longer choking is, I think, evidence of that. 

In a way, this is more from a twisted version of demisexuality. I’m sure Sangwoo got hard the moment Bum started taking off his clothes to crawl over to Sangwoo, which triggered Sangwoo’s danger senses. Because not only love, but he equates sex to something horrifying and disgusting--and the way Sangwoo is grimacing in that last panel does suggest that he’s revolted by his hard-on. It’s just that he can’t help it, because his experiences conditioned him to only finding release via situations that make him feel disgusted. 

Sangwoo didn’t reach peak arousal when Bum was thrashing around the moment he was being hanged. He reached it when Bum was calling out his name, still treating him like a person with a name rather than a monster who deserves to die. He wasn’t turned on by Bum, he was turned on by Bum’s ‘acceptance’ of Sangwoo. Rather than heterosexuality or homosexuality, this is closer to demisexuality because what he wants is someone to love him despite being a monster among humans.

Oh, I want to note that Bum calling out Sangwoo’s name could be likened to calling out Sangwoo’s name during the...throes of passion lol. 

12. Wow you’re really enjoying yourself there, Sangstop

Hmn so again, I do think this is another showcase of demisexuality. 

He doesn’t care that he’s getting off to manly cries, holding onto legs that are more boney skin than shapely meat, and a penis ‘hanging’ (omg i can’t believe i was able to fit a pun in here) above his head there. 

He looks super blissed out here and I don’t think he’d be looking like this with any woman he has fucked. It has probably been a long time since he has even been this aroused by another woman. And the first time in a long time that he has been aroused was by some skinny, creepy loser who’s not just a loser, but a man. 

Because it wasn’t the genitalia that was getting him off. It was Bum’s treatment of Sangwoo. So, in a way, he’s starting to like Bum IN SPITE OF his dick lol. 

13. *blinks* oh I can’t be quite sure

But I think Sangwoo made sure Bum would fall onto the bed rather than the concrete. I don’t think the position of the bed was...right over the pulley...or maybe Sangwoo made sure it would be?  Because he knows that hanging Bum could go either way: kill him or let him fall free. 

14. How...do you think of these things, Sangstop...

I mean, creativity aside (which makes me go down a whole bunch of avenues and I really really just want this to end already), Sangwoo actually uses the words “Before I do something I’ll regret.”

Again, Sangwoo’s Lima Syndrome starts here. Had this been earlier, Sangwoo would’ve done something he wouldn’t have regretted. Actually, had Bum not called out Sangwoo’s name, Sangwoo would not have regretted killing him. He could’ve fooled himself into thinking he was relieved because he got rid of an outlier that threatened his last piece of sanity. That he was free from the danger that was Bum.

But no. At this point, Sangwoo knows that if he does something that ends up killing Bum, he will regret it. The release he had earlier fooled him into thinking that Bum was special and could give him something that no woman would ever be able to give him. If he could ‘train’ Bum more, if Bum can exceed his expectations, than he can probably finally get what he has been searching for in all of his victims. 

And this is why he pushes Bum’s head in the water. Because now it’s no longer /just/ inflicting pain in order teach a lesson--to get revenge. It’s also about training Bum to make Sangwoo feel like he’s human.

15. Hey, I think this is the first time Sangwoo mentions how he has been treating Bum

Before, it’s always like “Bum you liar” or “I can’t believe you made me do this”, but now Sangwoo actually says “I treat you better than I have ever treated anyone else before, and this is how you repay me??”

Now it has become personal. Sangwoo’s feelings are involved because he is now acknowledging that, yes, he is treating Bum in a way that he could’ve never imagined treating anyone. So, now, Bum can actually do things like scratch Sangwoo’s skin and NOT get killed, which is fucking foreign to Sangwoo. 

Because, before, it was all about never letting anyone have the upperhand. The moment someone threatens him, he asserts his dominance to the highest level he possibly can while still being under the guise of “law-abiding citizen”. 

Bum, in effect, has become the only person who can physically wound Sangwoo and still live to tell the tale.

Aaaaaaand because there is more for me to unpack but I’ve reached a point where my brain is mush and I can no longer make sense of what I’m writing down, I’m actually going to end it here and pick it back up tomorrow. 

Oh my fucking god.