#please don't interact with this if you know it will hurt you

[acid-ixx]

I’m new, I just read your fic about neglect reader. I haven’t read through your blog yet but I am so excited after reading this fic. I am an emotional wreck right now and my curiosity is eating me alive with this question “Does reader know about Jason? Will they ever met? Ever have a platonic relationship together? Will Jason be more of a brother to reader?”

I’m sorry I speed through the fic and tears are in my eyes I couldn’t think straight BUT I notice that Jason is hardly there so I’m curious. Please this is such a brain rot, it’s way past midnight after I read this cause I keep stopping to cry.

major (?) spoilers below.

reblogs and interactions are encouraged and appreciated.

hello anon !! im so happy ppl are getting more exposed to the content i have written so far. anyways, i can't believe i also got others to cry bec i did too when i was writing 😭

anyways, to answer ur question: yes! the reader will meet jason and he would actually be the first sibling you would meet after you have left the manor. the way he would turn yandere for you is a different approach to how the others would be because in the prequel, it has been stated that you had your fair share of encounters with him.

"will they ever have a platonic relationship with him/see him as a brother?" maybe, maybe not. because your meeting with him would all be a blur to you, and jason's obsession would stem from the trauma he had experienced, causing him to be more protective of you.

you're not in your best mindset and you're vulnerable walking through the streets of gotham and all alone? oh god, only a dumbass would do that— but once the red hood recognizes your face and the way you carry yourself so pitiably, he immediately tries to take you in his arms just as he should.

but the moment you push him away? tell him to fuck off despite your drunken state? the moment you cry and tell him you could deal with everything yourself without his help or anybody else's? you just remind him of himself and that triggers his first spiral into yandere-ism.

it's the way you share trauma, the way you both feel immense anger. he should've noticed sooner because you two would've been as close as peas in a pod. and yet he failed you by being a hypocrite. you were literally taken into the manor right after his death and discarded like you were mere trash. he should've taken you away when he had the opportunity to but he was too caught up in his feat of revenge.

yet the worst part was that he had taken notice of tim before he did you, and jason had momentarily hated you too because he thought bruce had replaced him. if he had looked through that veil of contempt that he had for you, and saw just how neglected and in need of attention you are, then he would've taken you under his wing.

but he didn't, and he had done the same thing to you as most did.

so take it as you will when i say you're more or less going to be closer (albeit unwillingly) to jason than anybody else because unlike his other siblings who are bound by their vigilante duties, your big brother jason wouldn't mind shooting any creeps who think they could touch his precious angel.

and he gets it, too, angel— you hate him, you hate them all and that's valid. but you can't just walk out in the streets alone and expect to be home in one piece; so leave it to him to scout your apartment alright? leave it to your big brother jason to intimidate the goons who try to stalk you when you're not looking. even if you don't want him near you, you'll always find warm food by your table and a note reminding you to take care of yourself more often.

it hurts when you rip the paper to shreds but it breaks his heart even more if you refuse to touch the meal he would leave for you, because that probably means you saw him as danger more than anything else. and he doesn't know it, but you're already planning to make a run for it now that you're under red hood's radar.

it's obvious that you have no experience when it comes to living by yourself, so please don't fucking push him away and let him protect you from any harm. your self destructive habits only causes him to become more protective of you and it only lets him stalk you more often to ensure nobody would touch his precious angel.

just like dick, you'll be treated more like a child than that of a young adult, but at least jason has the concept of personal space compared to your eldest brother. but still, jason wishes to hold you in his arms.

heaven forbid if the joker ever got his crummy fingers on you. jason would go berserk.

little does he know, little does your family know just how much they had lost the opportunity to keep you in wraps inside the manor.

they should've never let you out in the first place.

[covenofthearticulate]

hiii idk if you’ve ever discussed this before but i’ve been thinking about louis and marius interacting all day and so i’d LOVE to hear your take on what you think their dynamic would be like! what do you think it would take to get louis to engage with him on a more intimate level?

NO KENZIE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I ADORE MARIUS AND LOUIS!!!!!

literally all my favorite quotes about Louis in canon come from that little bit in QOTD from Marius' POV! Like!!! I will never get over how IMMEDIATELY smitten they are with each other!!!

Like on the one hand we have: "Louis stood quite still looking at [Marius] as he had earlier, as though he were seeing a myth made real."

and then we see that the feeling is absolutely mutual with Marius: "He smiled at Louis. Something in the manner of this one made Marius happy, though he wasn't sure why."

I think their dynamic is just so especially interesting because they have so many connecting threads re: Lestat and Armand, so up until QOTD they really have this mythologized version of one another— to Louis, Marius is this grand figure with all the answers Louis had always been searching for, and someone who both deeply loved and deeply hurt some of Louis' closest companions. For Marius, Louis is this strange fledgling who had the audacity to expose these secrets he's kept hidden at his own expense for literal centuries. By all accounts there should be some tension there, or at the very least some awkwardness!

But just as Armand and Louis are sort of two sides of the same coin in a lot of ways, I think Louis is one of the only vampires who has an innate understanding of Marius' worldview. Louis is not the artist or philosopher or politician that Marius is, but he holds a lot of the same values. I mean— Louis is a textbook Libra for god's sake— he NEEDS order and balance in his life, and lord knows Marius is the only other person who prioritizes that as well!

So anyway this is all to say that I really don't think it would take much for Louis to want to engage with Marius on a more intimate level!

And like, I was talking to a friend about this the other day as well but I'd like to think that in their contemporary era, Louis could really be the pupil that Marius needs. Yes, Daniel's relationship with Marius is bittersweet and interesting and fun to play with, but I've always wanted to see who Marius is outside of being a caretaker, and I think Louis is just like the perfect middle ground where he doesn't need or want anyone doting on him or worrying over him, but he's still coming into his own in the new era, he's still finding himself, he needs a kind hand, someone to talk with about books and music and art and culture.

And on Marius' end, I think it would do him good to spend time with someone who is just so genuine. As much as Marius needs and wants his pupils to challenge him, I think he would really benefit from having someone who is willing to just listen and appreciate his philosophy (that's not to say that he and Louis wouldn't have disagreements— but even then I'm sure they hash it out Socratic Style and end up with enough intellectual stimulation to get them all giddy).

ANYWAY TL;DR: WE NEED MORE MARIUS & LOUIS CONTENT PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

[bentarb]

So I've Finally Watched Apology Tour!

And I don't know how to feel. So let me speak in defence of Blitzo and pose questions for those around him. Please bear in mind this isn't shitting on anyone or saying it's all their fault. I'm just playing Imp's Advocate.

"I've never looked down on you!" Stolas, like it or not you seem to look down on every Imp you encounter. In Harvest Moon you refered to the crowed as 'little wrathing Imps', you called Blitzo your 'Impish little plaything', exstinguished a cigarette on him, and almost exclusivly refer to him by pet names.

"Your first instinct is that it's always about sex." Your first meeting with him at the Not Divorced party, you joked that he was there to ravish you, out of the three times we've seen you call him two of calls opened with you mentioning his dick or talking about him sexually, and one of them ended with you still talking about the sexual things you wanted to do, and the only regualar interaction you've had with the guy is for sex. Have you heard of 'Pattern Recognition'?

"It's not an Imps place to protect a Goetia." Your kind are viewed as unkillable Stolas. Every Goetia shows their power so as to make themselves seem untouchable by their lessers, so is it really so hard to imagine that Blitzo wouldn't really believe that you could be actually hurt?

Blitzo went around saying sorry to the people he's wronged, but has anyone ever said sorry to him? Has Cash ever said sorry for renting him out to a Goetia with orders to steal everything he could? Has Loona ever said sorry for being so aggresive with someone who just wants to love her? Have Fizzarolli or Asmodeus said sorry for making the Robo Fizzs hate Blitzo as part of their programing, a feature that almost no-one who buys them will care for or understand? Has anyone who's hurt Blitzo first ever said 'I'm sorry', or is he the only one expected to do so?

Blitzo was suprised to see so many people at the Blitzo Hate Party, amazed that he fucked so many people. How many of the people their were actually in a relationship with him? How many even knew him at all? I don't find it hard to imagine that at least some of them were just invited to come along with their friends who actually hate Blitzo, and just joined in on the hate despite knowing nothing about the guy they're shitting on. Think of it like Guy Fawkes Night. It's unlikely that anyone's still alive who was around when his treason attempt failed, but we still have a whole day where we burn an effirgy of him at a stake just because it's a party. It's not really about the guy himself, it's just an excuse to get together with other people, get drunk, and have fun.

The end song had the line 'I'm over you,' and if it's Verosika singing, I'm calling bullshit. You still have his name visibly tattooed on your arm, host a yearly party devoted to hating him, and when he challenged you to a Demon Duel in 'Spring Broken', you had your stage decorated with banners saying 'Fuck You Blitzo', despite the concert taking place in the living world where no-one will know who he is.

So yeah, that's my rant done. What do you think? And if anyone could tell me how to type a crossed out 'O' on this site, that would be great.

[shini--chan]

Would you please do a Yandere Character Sheet II for England, Canada, and Russia?

First one will be Russia. The other two will come out next month.

Yandere Character Sheet II

1p Russia - Ivan Konstantinovich Braginski 

Trigger warnings: stalking, other controlling behaviours, toxic relationship dynamics, isolation, trivilisation of abuse, coersion, drugging, implied violence

Blend in - Are the red flags obvious? Are they even aware that their behaviour is wrong? Do they even care? 

On this topic, there are the red flags that Ivan is self-aware of, and those he hasn't the foggiest clue of. Russia doesn't have any delusions of self-righteousness or sainthood. While he may strive for a better life and dream of eternal summer, he is cynical beneath the friendliness and hospitality. He is well-aware that he has flaws, and he sees them as products of his circumstances above anything else. As such, he doesn't invest much energy in trying to curb them. 

Some of the red flags in himself that he is conscious of are the following:

 That he is overly controlling. This is part of his natural personality and what makes him yandere as well. To him, it is a need that has to be fulfilled. Especially at the start of your relationship, he wouldn't really trust you and it would shine through. Ivan would try to keep it subtle, though how successful he'd be at that is a different question. He is older or at least more experienced than you. In ways, he doesn't expect you to be capable of handling yourself, at least not entirely, and that you therefore need somebody to guide you. Along the same vein, he'd be prone to offering unsolicited advice. Of course, he has other reasons for this sort of behaviour - such as that he simply feels more at ease the more control he has over the situation at hand. Ivan has been disappointed and burned too often in the past to just give somebody else the reigns. 

As such, he would hover over your shoulder and check what sort of books you read and TV shows you watch. His reasoning behind this is that he doesn't want you to be corrupted. You are precious to him, and he doesn't want you to lose your lustre.

Will always want to know your whereabouts and doings, as well as the reasons behind them. Part of this would be to get to know you better, part to protect you. 

Tying in with what is described in the first point, is that he would be prone to making important decisions without you. Suddenly, you would find yourself engaged to him, then spirited away to the registry office for marriage and moving in with him. Should you be unable to assert yourself, then he'll just steamroll over your opinions and sweep you along. You might try to argue, but you would have to argue well or else he'll just shut you down. 

Is very restrictive when it comes to how other people interact with you, even early on in the relationship. The reason behind this would be twofold - on one hand, he wants to protect your honour. No insults towards you would be tolerated, nor vulgar remarks or flirting. Who knows, maybe you'd even have to restrain him from some hapless boy that just winked at you while crossing the street. The other part is that he doesn't want anybody to steal you away or hurt you, or fill your head with fluff. The more time passes, the more hoops a person would have to jump through just to get to talk with you for a few minutes. 

Another characteristic that you'd have to suffer under would be his paranoia. You are very important to him, thus he'd live with the underlying fear of you abandoning him. Want to retain a certain measure of freedom? Then don't hint that you want to leave him while you hold his heart in your hands. Still, he would regularly demand reassurances and test your loyalty. 

Despite all these things that he would inflict on you, he would remain an immensely private person and take very long to start to truly open up to you. His respect and trust aren't something given, they are earned. The matter is, a normal, peaceful life wouldn't allow you to demonstrate your loyalty to him sufficiently enough for his tastes, so he would put you through some tribulations. 

Beneath a certain threshold, he would be quick to trivialise the suffering and fears of other people. His black humour would exacerbate this, since he would also be inclined to trolling people over what he deems "minor dilemmas". 

Compatriot - Who aids them? Who condemns them? Are there ways you can convince their friends/colleges/underlings to help you?

You'd think he'd be on his own here but no, he has plenty of support. For each person that does him a favour, he would give something in return. As such, he'd have a lot of people willing to aid him. With all these persons and groups, he would be careful not to reveal all his cards. Ivan knows that much of the leverage he wields also comes from being unpredictable and he would take advantage of this to it. 

For those that aid him, be it attaining to maintaining to retrieving you, there would be prizes. Aside from that, there would also be those that are wholly loyal to him, whether because of patriotism, ideology or kinship, or naked self-interest. These people would often go out of their way to help him on their own initiative. Exactly these types would be the hardest to sway to your side, and you might have to deceive, or at least mislead, them if you want them to help you with matters that run counter to Ivan's desires. However, if what you want isn't diametrically opposed to your "lover's" wishes, or if you make them think so, then they'll be glad to help you out as well. 

Naturally, there are those that work for or under Ivan Konstantinovich and are unhappy with the lot they've drawn. These people would be wary of you at first, considering his attachment to you. In the case that you bridge the gap successfully, then they'll aid you with vigour, and if it is only to be petty towards Russia. The ground condition here is that they would dare … rebel. Despite what you may think, it wouldn't be self-evident. 

On the flip side, there are many that would be ready to help you in a heartbeat just because it is Ivan that they are dealing with. The need to deal a blow would come before everything else. If this is a wise choice is a different discussion altogether. In the case that the "plan" fails, chances are high that you'd be dropped like a hot coal. 

Taking a step away from those fanatic elements, there would be the more level-headed opponents as well. Don't be surprised when you're treated more like a chess piece than a human being. 

Dominion - What actions are especially pleasing to them?

Ivan can be very simple in this regard. Cater to him and praise him; reserve a special place in your heart for him and be the sort to have enough sensitivity to know which actions are appropriate and when. Additionally, use diminutives that display your closeness to him, like Vaneshka or Ivanushka. In turn, he'll expect to have the privilege of being the only one to use a special diminutive of your name. 

Fluffy relationship jazz aside, find opportunities to flaunt your loyalty to him. As mentioned before, he would need constant reassurance to feel comfortable in your relationship. Keep in mind that the more his paranoia is quelled, the more freedoms you'd have. That said, you'd have to make sure it is viewed as genuine and not mere lip service. Show, don't tell. These don't have to be over-the-top romantic gestures - in fact he would prefer it if you don't subject him to such things too often. What matters is that you choose him even when it is the less favourable option. Suffer for his sake instead of saving yourself. 

What would please him immensely, would be to have his achievements recognised by you. Ranging from small things like making a good breakfast to major things like putting a man in space, he'd want you to look at him with admiration. Just like how America has claimed that he was the deciding player in WWII when it actually was the USSR - Alfred was getting his arse handed back to him in the Sahara when Nazi Germany’s fate was sealed at the Battle of Kursk - he doesn’t like it when somebody takes credit for his achievements.

Accept his version of reality - don’t dismiss his fears or laugh at his desires and make him feel appreciated. He also wants somebody to confide in, somebody that he can someday pour his heart out to. A person that wouldn’t clap their hands over their ears, or call him a liar or end the conversation because what they are hearing is too much. Show him that he can trust you, and you’ll find your life with him becoming much more comfortable. 

Aside from that, he’d love it if you take on a multitude of hobbies - such as gardening, reading, wood work and the such. Preferably they should be hobbies that are either useful and train the body and or mind. On top of that, Ivan would want something mundane that you two can connect over, such as hiking and watching cheesy melodrama and then writing critiques of them online.

Flight - What do you have to do in order to escape them?

Find a moment when he is weak and distracted and make a break for it - or not. On that front, the situation is complicated, since Ivan actually functions best when life isn’t very peaceful and comfortable for him. Pain makes him move faster and his thought processes clearer. If anything, you’d be in for a very nasty shock. Since you are what provides him happiness, he would be all the quicker to track you down if you flee when the going is rough. 

As it is, you’d have to find a moment when he is totally weakened, weakened to the point where he can’t move without assistance, or when he is completely at ease and therefore would take some time to notice something is amiss. The other option would just to be quicker on your feet and get in his decision making loop - surprise him, do what he wouldn’t expect. Though watch out - he would be very quick to adjust to new challenges.

Hospitality - What is your life like with them? How much does it deviate from your former life?

Once again, that would largely depend on your behaviour. Though, there would still be some fundamentals. Ivan would expect the two of you to fit together like two peas in a pod. While he wouldn’t be adverse to with seeing other people, he would be very strict and controlling on who you would see. Mostly, he would insist that he is present whenever you interact with another human being, be it your mother or a cashier in a store. Who knows who could harm you? Who knows who would try to seperate you from him?

What would occur, would be a lot of outdoor activities, especially in summer. It would be a bonding experience, a way to distract you from the “harsh realities” that you’re facing and as a means to prevent you from escaping. You’d hardly have time to plot an escape, never mind prepare for one if you’re constantly busy and in unknown locations. You wouldn’t be a sex doll to him, so he would encourage you to have your own personality, within premediated boundaries of course. You’re allowed to have hobbies and a mind of your own, as long as said mind isn’t opposed to him. If anything, hobbies would function to make you more comfortable around him, and as a way for him to show you his support and encouragement. 

If you are very well behaved, then he’d even allow you to have a job. With enough imagination, you could even trick yourself into thinking that you are living a normal life and are in a somewhat normal relationship. There would be surveilance and a hideous amount of rules that you’d have to follow, but Ivan would explain it away as the price of being so high in the pecking order. Should you make peace with that, life would be fairly ok. 

Should you not be well behaved, then the retriction would come into play. You’d have a tracker implanted, and somebody to shadow your movements and even pull you away from other people if you seem to be getting to cozy. Finacial movements of yours would be tracked, as well as the location of your withdrawal. Ivan would gain access to your electonics, and if your behaviour would worsen, then he would relieve you your mobile devices entirely. If he is feeling gracious, then he would set up a seperate account on his computer, but don’t count on that. A curfew would be implemented, upon which you are to stay in your room and go to sleep once the clock strikes the determined hour. For safety, the room would be sparse and you’d have to hand in any books or tools or electronics. He’d use sleeping pills on you if you’d try to defy him by staying up late on purpose. 

Generally, you’d live a life according to a strict schedule, that would only become harsher the more you act out against him. It could very well culminate in him spiriting you off to the middle of nowhere to live in a hunt. Just the two of you - how very romantic, yes? 

Order - What are the rules you have to adhere to?

There are quite a few, and some of them would only come into force later on, or be discarded as the relationship progresses and the circumstances change. Though, here are some of the ground rules:

Always be honest with me. If there is something that Ivan can’t stand, then it is cunning. He sees it as a weakness of character, indesivness in descion making, and disrespect to other people. Besides, if you lie once, then when should he know when you’ll lie again? If you like riddles and prose, fine, just don’t be misleading. Don’t induluge in half-truths. If there is something that you don’t like about him or his behaviour, be the one to inform him on your own incentive - don’t make him pull every word out of your throat, and don’t let him gain the information from the rumour mill. If you tell him one thing, only for him to find out the opposite was true later on, then his trust in you will be diminished and he’ll play restrictions on you, at the very least. 

Stay in control of your emotions. I don’t want to see any tantrums. Ivan is very familiar with flights of passion, with emotional speeches and impulsive gesture. Though, you should be in control of your emotions - not the other way around. If that isn’t the case, then he would see it as a sign of you needing to be fixed and that you shouldn’t be allowed out in public. Also, whenever you get very emotional, he can’t help but ask himself if it is a ploy, or if you are a hysterical person in general. 

If you don’t want to be harmed, then don’t try to harm me. To him, relationships should be mutual, so if you try to poison or electrucute or stab him or harm him in anyway, then he’ll pay you back with interest. This would be an especially sore spot for him, since he is cynical as it is. He would take such actions as betrayal, and traitors ought to be punished most serverly. Of course, he wouldn’t want to break you, though he might end up overestimating your hardiness and permanently damaging you anyhow. 

Listen to you, and don’t dismiss my words lightly. If there is something that Ivan loathes, it is being made a laughing stock. Something he detests just as much is when his words are simply shrugged off. While there is a certain pleasure in sticking around to say “I told you so” when things go south, people are capable of cognitive distortion. Thus, he would want to taken seriously from the get-go. If you need time to come around, then fine, he is a patient man. However, even his patience has an end. 

Rehabilitation - How much will they change you? Will they break you? How much therapy would you need in the event that you get rid of them? 

Part of Ivan’s schick is to make you dependant on him in some form or manner. If he can manage it, you’d need him in multiple ways, such as for financial support, protection, understanding, familiarity … and much more than can be listed here. Man and wife are one before God and the law - he would want to go even further than that. 

Tearing yourself away from him would be painful in its own way, and you would need community support in order to learn how to live on your own again. Not something easy, since you would have to build many, in some cases all, social bonds from scratch. Ivan would look for you in your former community, so returning wouldn’t be much of an option. To top it off, he would strive to install his own paranoia and cynicism in you, so that opening up to other people would be very difficult. All in all, it would be more likely for you to return to his embrace than to make a full recovery. 

Full recovery would be grueling and you’d have to have somebody to hold you in place when you’d slip back and wish to return to him. It would take years, and you would have to have an iron clad will to not give in to despair. 

Zeal - Do they fall fast or slow? What is their reaction to their own feelings?

He is fast to take an interest in you, but slow to actually act in his feelings. The key matter here is that while he is a passionate man, he has learned to control it with pragmatism. So, he would make efforts to get closer to you, to learn more about you and then decide how he should handle you. That being said - he is slow to move but once he does, it is with great momentum. 

[lxvergirl-exe]

FYI: replying to messages.

i had many people, also mutuals send in asks, asking why i don't reply to any of their dms. I am, since a while, not really in the right headspace to keep up a conversation. this isn't just tumblr. it's a general thing. i am not replying to my closest friends either. conversations overwhelm me, that's why I less than barely check my dms since like april. I am open for asks though. it's just conversations being rough for me atm.

I know some of you are angry with me and I'm sorry for that. I'm not doing this to hurt anyone but if it hurts you, I apologize. I never want to cause anyone any harm. If I don't reply, it's nothing personal. my mind is just a mess, is all. Human interaction, meaningful bonds and all that really aren't my priority atm. This blog is a safe space for everyone, but first and foremost it's MY safe space. Please let me have that. I will reply once I feel good enough. but idk when that is. Sorry and thank you.

[imaginespazzi]

Yeah no that definitely makes sense and agreed - I think at that stage in her life and career, she'd only have a child out of circumstance rather than on purpose.

P would be trying real hard not to let her favouritism show while she's coaching, but everyone knows anyway that she's extra soft for Stephie. Imagine a game where Stephie gets a little hurt and P's ready to fight another 6-yr old kid lmao.

I keep imagining how soft and cute P would be with a mini Azzi 🥹

Ooo yep, I definitely vibe with staying as close to irl UConn lore as possible, plus I'm never gonna say no to another cruise scene haha.

Oh imagine when P comes around to Storrs during Azzi's final year to visit the menaces or even just when she's facetiming any of them and that inevitable awkwardness of broaching the Azzi topic, or Azzi accidentally walking in while the others are on the phone with her.

I realise I've just kinda assumed that they break up after P's final year 😅 Would that mean that the public never knew about their relationship? At least, not officially?

If that's the case, do the media or public ever question their "friendship" and why they don't seem to be close anymore?? Like when P gets traded, and there's talk about the two "former best friends" being reunited?

Also, do they still kinda fall into each other at times after breaking up? Maybe especially that first year or so after the break up, like during Azzi's final college year and then slowly fade into no communication? Or do they immediately cut off all connection and only interact at public events and games? Or just barely interact at all?

Oh and I know I've been advocating for Tim to still always be checking in on P, even if it's just at games but I am super curious in general about the dynamics between Azzi and P's family and P and Azzi's family after they break up. Especially Azzi and Drew, cause you know I'm a sucker for a Drew cameo and Azzi + Drew interactions!

A Steph appearance! Just don't make Stephie into a Warriors fan 😫😂

Ooo a possible divorce situation with P??? Ugh I'm so curious about other relationships they had after breaking up! Although idk about P getting married to someone else (only cause I'm selfish and just can't see her marrying anyone other than Azzi lol) - what if she got engaged and came close but in the end, she just couldn't go through with it?? Or we can go with divorce, that's cool too, it has been 9 years after all haha.

I mean… I may or may not have a playlist where I drag songs into if they give me the exes to lovers fic vibe 😏. I need a title for it though!

Ngl, I actually was thinking "oh I wonder what Taylor song Nivi's gonna go with for this one?" 😆 Last Kiss seems like a pretty perfect choice. But now that just makes me think that we're about to go through even more pain than we did with the UCLA fic before we get a happy ending. We are gonna get a happy ending, right?

Speaking of Taylor songs - why do I feel like loml could potentially be one of the songs used for a chapter - "what we thought was for all time was momentary" or "you shit-talked me under the table, talking rings and talking cradles. I wish I could un-recall how we almost had it all."

Oh btw Nivi, you totally don't have to address all or any of my questions!! I literally just chuck in whatever comes to mind but please feel free to tell me to just wait for the fic to find out the answers 😅

And pleaseee, your "NO NO NO NOPE NO" in response to that ask about you having kids had me dead 😭

ALSO, Tatum and Ella Mai expecting a baby?! Talk about private but not a secret, they did a fine ass job keeping the pregnancy quiet as long as they did though!

-🙋‍♀️

EVERYONE HAS ME SO CONFLICTED I have no idea what to do lmao maybe I'll just leave it open-ended and we don't have to go into how this child came to be lol

LMAO all the other parents whining about playing time and their child not getting a starting role meanwhile Azzi's out here giving Paige a talking to about how they're literally 5 year old's, this is not that serious and Stephie doesn't needa start every single game

I actually haven't decided the exact time for when they break up but it's definitely before Azzi gets to the W I think but I haven't really thought about the media reaction yet, other than that it's obviously a big deal when they end up on the same team again in the sense that it's a huge deal that two mvp's are teaming up

So....mayhaps a little spoiler but there might potentially be just a little bit of Drew and Azzi angst at some point because let's just remember she was in his life from very young and then she wasn't.

Well if I go with the Valkyries, it only make sense babes. Trust it's gonna be as hard to write for me as it is for you to read but Stephie is very likely gonna be a Warriors fans (that hurt to write oh lord)

LMAO give me a title?

Happy ending? Hmmmm what's that?

YES LOML WOULD HIT SO GOOD. Maybe I'll use that in chapter but I gotta add it to my playlist asap for sure.

I literally got that ask and was like, y'all I am literally in college, no I do not have a child thanks!

I SAW THAT. I'M SO EXICTED FOR THEM!! They really did such a good job and aww Deuce is gonna get a little sibling.

[dolly-on-the-dotted-line]

Interlude: Dumbstruck

You face up to a very adult problem in Javi’s absence that leaves you questioning your future forever.

Rating: 18+

Warnings: Angst, Discussion of Pregnancy, Pregnancy Loss, Miscarriage, Medical Setting.

A/N: Major trigger warning for this one. If you don't want to read this post, you will not lose anything from the story. There are no major plot developments or changes in their relationship. You can skip it out, or if you'd like a summary I will happily send you one. Further discussion under the cut.

Major confession that I've had this sat in the drafts for... years now due to the above, and not yet having anything lighter ready to publish to follow up... But today is the day. And happier things soon after!!

I've kept descriptors to a minimum for obvious reasons, as well as the fact that this is obviously only one experience based on personal anecdote- please don't take this as gospel, nor a universal experience. This was originally planned to be a whole chapter but I was struggling with the heavy themes and aware that it's not everyone's cup of tea. However, I still felt like it added some important insight so wanted to keep it in some capacity so have decided to post it anyway. Keeping it as an 'interlude' also felt quite representative of the experience, in the sense that often it's an event that happens unbeknownst to people on the outside, but is a weight you carry with you. Reader/ Bug will carry on with the knowledge of that experience with her, but others will continue to move on around her none the wiser, and you can choose to do the same if it's a post you don't wish to read.

New York, Spring, Age 30: Dumbstruck

The dial tone lasts for an eternity, you’re sure. You try to focus on the way your heartbeat thrums between the beeps, double time nearly, thud, thud, thud, like a bird throwing itself against a glass pane. The skin at the edge of your fingernail is worn clean, blood starting to pool in the cuticle. 

You hear the scrape of the receiver being lifted and a voice finally calls, the raspy accent filling the line.

“This is Murphy.” 

“Hey Steve, can I speak to Javi, please? Now. I need to speak to him now.” 

“Bug? Are you alright? You sound like you've seen a ghost. If that were possible.”

Your interactions with Steve Murphey so far had been limited.

By that, you meant you had spoken to him on the phone maybe twice, and on both occasions, you were trying to get through to Javier. The fact he’s able to recognise you immediately in spite of that is intriguing to you, and at any other moment, you’d take the time to consider the tone of affection he takes with you in just one sentence. 

You try to keep your tone light but it’s impossible, the panic rising up in you like a tidal wave. You must sound worse than you think because he’s onto it in a second.  

Fuck, fuck, fuck, you mumble to yourself and reach out to steady your frame against the wall in the hallway of your new apartment. 

“Now,” you seethe, losing your guard completely, the tears starting to bubble at your eyelids as you lean your head back in frustration to rest on the setting plaster. 

You hear the phone ripped from Murphy’s hand in a muffled frenzy and Javi’s there, breathing down the line. 

“Javi-”

“What is it? Are you hurt?”

You sob then, immediately, hearing his voice, the weight of the situation finally hitting you with full force. 

“I’m- I think I’m having a miscarriage,” you breathe, deadpan, utterly in shock as you hear the words pass your lips for the first time since you’d started to process.

“I can’t be sure, but…” your voice trails off quietly, giving up the guise. 

It had taken you long enough to get your head around, already stunting the phone call by at least ten minutes as it was. In reality, there was no ‘think’ about it. You knew. It was impossible not to know. 

Silence from the other end of the line. You hear something smash to the ground, Murphy’s indistinct words, the slow, rattling intake of Javi’s controlled breath. 

“You’re pregnant?” he asks slowly, quietly, as though the words are arriving before the thoughts that spur them. 

“No, I’m fucking not,” you yell between clenched teeth, trying to contain the overwhelming rage that’s bubbling up inside you. “Not now I’m not.” 

Another devastating pause, and you feel the way your fingers instinctively grip the cord of the phone a little tighter, awaiting his response. 

“Is it-?”

“Please, don’t,” you cut sorely, “don’t ask me that fucking stupid question right now. Javi, I’m so scared.”

You clap your hand to your mouth as the sobs start to pour out, giving in completely. The emotion is overwhelming, fear, shock, and surprise moving over you in relentless, intersecting waves, with no time to differentiate one from the next. 

“Okay,” he replies firmly, taking the wheel in the only way he knows how. “Okay, it’s going to be okay.”

His tone is strong and soothing, and you can’t help but lean into its gentle familiarity. You wanted to give it up, to give over to him entirely and let him make it all okay. 

“It must have been the couch,” he can’t help but shoot down the line, more to himself than to you. 

“Javier.” 

In the complex swell of your emotions, above all else you’re seething, unable to even fathom the possibilities surrounding what's happening right now.

You carrying his child. His baby. A life together, as forced as it may have been, suddenly wilting away without even a chance to romanticise the prospect. It was gone in the blink of an eye before you even knew you had it. 

You’re furious. Like everything else, it wasn’t fair.

“I need to go home,” you sigh, trying to brush away the tears with a shaking hand as you draw together some kind of plan in your head.

You were already compartmentalising, packing away the thoughts you couldn't give yourself even a moment to dwell on. 

“You need to go to the hospital. That’s the only place you need to be right now. I’ll call you straight back and I’ll be there as soon as I can but you need to get some help right now, baby. I need you to call someone who can help you out until I arrive.” 

‘Baby’. In the heat of the moment, it was always ‘Baby’. Like it was a slip of the tongue reserved for special occasions; weddings that weren’t even yours. Anniversaries. Children. 

But in your temperamental state, it knocks you sideways anyway, pushing you off kilter and bringing the tears to the brink again.

“Javi, please,” you keen, unsure of what you're even asking for.

You’re scared, achingly so, more so than you’d ever felt even when you were a child. This was something else, something new. You needed something stable and solid to hold on to, and he was a thousand miles away. 

“I know, baby, I know. But you need to do this, for me. Just be brave and I’ll be back on the line in just a tick. Just make the call.”

You slam your fist against the phone cradle in frustration, resetting the dial tone without another word, and thumb in the number without even looking at the keys. As always, it rings once. 

“Rosie?” Rasps Jack, ready and waiting, business smart except for the nickname, his favourite turn of phrase. 

“Emergency,” you eke out, sinking to the floor now as you feel the sensation start to sink in, heartbreak rather than consternation hitting for the first time. 

“Are you at home?” He’s deadly serious, the professional front fitting into place like a reflex. 

“Yes. Medical, call Ginger. I need an ETA of 10 or less. Hospital transfer, the car will do.”

“Are you safe? Are they still in the apartment?”

“No external risk. Code O0-,” you hold your breath for the final digit, finally making it a complete reality, “3. Potentially 3.3, I’m not sure right now, I can’t remember the ICD codes.” 

He hears your crying now. He understands. His heart breaks for you. 

“Rosie,” he breathes.  

“Please Jack, just deal with it. I’m failing every one of my training protocols right now, I know, but I just cannot handle what is happening right now. I can't do this.” 

“I’m on it. Stay put. Just stay by the phone. Breathe.”

You can hear his pager going off, the shuffling of the papers moving across his desk as he stands to leave.

“And whatever you do,”  he adds staunchly, “don’t look.” 

“‘Don’t look’?” you repeat, but when you lift your hand from the plasterwork where you’d been steadying yourself, you see it, the way the harsh red seeps into the porous craftsmanship. 

“How do you-”

“Just trust me, Darlin’. I’ll be there soon.” And the line rings dead. 

Left alone, truly alone, you slump to the ground and ruminate in comfortless solitude. In the quiet stagnation of your apartment, you can only defer so far. It's fruitless to fight it. For just a moment, you let yourself sit, and think, and wait.

Jack had barely left your side in the ER, vigilant and dutiful.

His straightforward attitude was soothing and efficient, and allowed for a rare moment of surrender as he handled the overwhelming process of the inpatient clinic. Sitting by his side, you took a quiet comfort in the way his personal concern occasionally bled into his unrelenting professionalism, appreciating every squeeze of your hand, each cup of cold coffee, and every form you didn't have to read and sign. 

When night came, Javi took his place, arriving on the first non-stop flight to Newark Liberty. He didn't even bring a backpack, just an unread paperback and his keys. 

You try to picture the two men crossing paths in the hallway, shaking hands, nodding heads.

They’d never met. What absurd circumstances to finally come face-to-face, each an urban legend in their own right.

When he climbs up next to you to hold you close to him in the hospital bed, jacket, shoes and badge still in place, you break, the sobs wrenching from your chest like nothing you’ve ever known. There was nothing to hide, nothing to lose. 

“Was it ours?” he eventually asks, his forehead never leaving your own, his voice a quiet whisper in the cavernous space of the dim room.

“Of course it was ours,” you sigh, bone-weary, drained and devastated. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t know,” you say, frankly, the candour obvious in your upfront sentiment. “I wasn’t due for a medical until next month.” 

“You didn’t suspect?”

“I’ve been busy. I didn’t really think, work has been a lot.” 

“Would you have kept it?” he asks, more tentative still, aware of how precariously close everything feels as he reels off his pressing questions. 

You hesistate, but not for long. 

“Yes, probably. I’m in love with the idea of it more than anything. It’s irrelevant now, but-”

“It’s not irrelevant," he interrupts quickly. "Don’t say that. How can something we made be irrelevant?” 

His fervour takes you back, even in its hushed whisper. 

“Made by accident,” you huff back frustratedlym “it’s not like we knew-”

“Well, so what? We’d have been just fine. I know that. It wouldn't have mattered. We-" 

“Mr. Peña," you hear from the open doorway, the tone firm but kind. "We don’t allow visitors overnight I’m afraid, only family.”

He doesn’t turn to the attendant before he replies, simply gripping you tighter, pressing his legs into yours as he holds your taut frame against his own.

“I am family.” 

“Alright then,” she replies without complaint, clearly not seeing the merit in pushing it. “I’ll see you both in the morning.”

You’d been alone for less than ten minutes before he came skulking back into the room, black coffee and another round of toast in hand.

He was reluctant to be away from you for longer than a minute at a time, you could tell. He used to get like this when you were sick, or when you’d be sent home to bed from gym with bad cramps. 

They’d said the tub was the best place for you at home. The heat would help, the chaos contained. He kneels down on the floor next to you, resting his arm on the enamel and laying his chin on top. 

"How are you feeling?" he asks again, and you caress his cheek with a wet hand. 

"Not great, but better. The peanut butter is helping."

You crack a feeble smile, but you can see the look in his eye is heavy. 

“Querida, I don’t want to waste any more time.” 

You bring yourself closer through the water so that your head is resting next to his, close enough for your noses to touch. He brings a hand up to tuck a strand of wet hair behind your ear, and rubs his thumb across your cheekbone. 

“What do you mean?” you ask, but you know what he's saying, what he's asking. The impossible situation.

His face says as much.

“Javi, please,” you sigh, but you laugh quietly as you say it, “you know it’s not as simple as that. If anything this has proved it.” 

“I don’t care,” he replies candidly, but the frustration in his voice is the overriding detail. “I don’t want to care. It shouldn’t matter. Not after things like this.” 

“Javi, you just moved. You’re fighting the war on drugs for goodness sake. You really think now is the time to have a baby? To be a father?”

“I don’t care. Whatever happens with us, whenever, is the right time. You’ve always said that. I should have been here. It could have been different.” 

“Don’t talk like that. Not right now. Just tell me everything’s going to be alright. We’ll get it together one day. We’re young” 

“Not as young as we were,” he scoffs. 

“Twenty-eight! That’s certainly not old, Javier.” 

“Why can’t you just… give in? I’d have left. If you asked. I will leave. If you ask.”

“No, actually, I don't think you would," you ponder, shaking your head slightly, "and I wouldn’t ask you to. Not even now.” 

Your blunt words appear to stump him, and whatever the next line of his argument was is lost and replaced with a tender kiss to your bare shoulder, his bottom lip sliding along your damp skin.

“I’m sad, Ladybug." 

“So am I, Javi,” you sigh, and when you feel his quiet tears on your shoulder, you let your own follow suit. 

You shift in his arms, rolling onto your back to stare at the clear night through the skylight. It was a familiar reminder of home, one you were enjoying today. 

“When are you off?” you finally ask, the question becoming the second most unavoidable topic in the room.

“First thing. I shouldn’t even really be here.”

“I’m glad you are. I hope you’re not in too much trouble.” 

“If I am, I am. It's a hard one for them to argue with, really." 

He curls himself around you and cradles your stomach, quietly mourning the loss of something that never really was. Another future together, gone before you even had the chance to consider it. 

You fall asleep wrapped in one another, just like always. But before you drift off, for one night, you talk about a future that you’ll never have.

“We couldn’t call her that,” you scold indignantly. 

“Why not?" he retorts, smirking innocuously. "We never call you it. It’s a nice name.” 

“It’s my mother’s name. That’s exactly why you never call me that. What kind of narcissist names their child after them?”

“Most people. My Mother’s name, then. That makes more sense, surely. Everyone loved her.”

“Pa would weep,” you sigh, lovingly.  

“In a good way.”

“Would you want it to be a girl?”

He smirks, rubbing his nose against your shoulder. 

“Maybe. I wouldn’t care. I’d be too excited about seeing you big and fat. Carrying my brood.”

“Why do you make that sound so filthy?” you scold. 

“I’m just trying to put a positive spin on the prospect of another shotgun wedding.”

You elbow him sharply in the ribs, and he laughs. 

“I could be your little harlot. We could live out of wedlock. Social exile.” 

“Not a chance," he scolds, feigning shock. "I’m a man of God. We don’t actually want to kill Pa."

You snuggle into him closer, turning in his arms to come and face him. 

“Do you think our family has any idea, at all?”  

The look on his face is passive, but you can see the words settling somewhere. You don't know if it's the talk of home, or of something bigger; the idea that your summer fling surmounts to so much more when you give it the space to exist.

“I don't know. I wonder sometimes if Pa knows, deep down. I feel like he’s asked me before, in more ways than one. I think he asked when I told him about Lorraine. Like it was a loaded question, you know?"

"They always are with him."  

“Do you think they know?” he asks. 

“I don’t think they’d be surprised, necessarily. Like it’s an inevitable thing, almost.”

He holds your face between his hands then, drawing it away from his so he can look at you clearly, pulling the damp strands of hair away with broad strokes of his thumbs.

“Do you think it is? Inevitable?” 

“Yes," you whisper, a clean answer, cutting through the mirth.

He kisses your upturned lips, tracing them over with the pad of his thumb before finally letting you go.

“I hope you’re right.”

“You know I always am.” 

A/N: I know I mentioned dates before but I’ve actually broken my own timeline here since technically Murphy wouldn’t be in Colombia until they were at least 30, but I figured for the sake of continuity it made sense here.

Also please let me know if I've missed anyone from the tag list! I has been such a very long time 🌚

Playlist Recommendation

Taglist

@furious-rogue-stuff

@athalien

@sara-alonso

@vanemando15

@chronic-nosebleed

@mashomasho

@hnt-escape

@angelofsmalldeath-codeine

@hylasposts

[yjwfiles04]

a d m i s t o f c h a o s .

pairing: idol!jungwon × afab!reader | deliberately lowercased.

word count: 3,872 words

synopsis: you were just an ordinary student living a not so ordinary life and also a fangirl of a kpop idol boy group named "enhypen". you were just living your boring life ever since summer vacation had started. then suddenly; your so called 'idols' suddenly showed up in your place.

genre: idol au (?), angst, comfort, fluff

warnings: mentions of past traumas, rape, touching, cheating, rebel, sickness, crying, sobbing, kissing, and more ! (lmk)

author's note: hellooo! this is my first time writing here and i wrote this story based in my dream ㅠㅠ, it may not be exactly the same as what i've dreamed of because i changed few things in the story, cuz ya know that dreams can be a little bewildering and things were just convoluted in there. so yea, hope you enjoy reading and please like and reblog this, pretty please? >_<

ever since vacation has started, all you did was to stay up all night, watch tiktoks, reels, read, draw, eat, and sleep. very typical for an ordinary person who've anxiety interacting with people. aside from those things people says 'boring', you also spend your time stanning enhypen. voting on the awards they participated in, watching their contents, and basically supporting and loving them. you sometimes go biking around your neighborhood with your friend for productivity and simply to be free just for a moment, cause life's not very considerate when it comes to you.

your family runs a sports tailoring shop in the city and there where your family stays. the first floor is where the shop is and the second floor is where you guys sleep. actually, your family have a house, but it's quite far from where the lives of people were running so your parents decided to just stay in the shop so it can be convenient for all.

aside from that, you may have a very tortuous and unique siblings. you are the youngest child in your family, two older brothers and a sister. accordingly, you have an eldest brother who is already married and had a daughter, your sister who is also married and had two sons, a brother who's a year older and just got over a breakup, and there you are; a girl who is obsessed with seven men who doesn't know you (?) and never been in a relationship.

when you were a little, everything seems to go well. of course, you were just a child, they were going to keep things from you because firstly, you won't really gonna understand, secondly; to prevent you from hurting, or so you thought? but then pandemic hits, and nearly all things changed. the kid who's just a kid abruptly has to face affliction, distress, adversity, suffering, misfortune, and sorts of hardships. you were just a kid, a kid who didn't do anything to deserve those... and that experiences, made you different. someone they don't really know, even you yourself at some times don't know who you really are. no one to talk to about what's happening deep down there in your life cause you're afraid they'll judged you, but even if not, they were busy worrying about their own problems. apart from that, you're not a very open person when it comes to problem matter. moreover for almost infinite disasters you've faced and facing, you thought you were just going to be stuck in that place forever, but then you find not just some to escape the admist of chaos in your life. enhypen, a group of men who saves you, made you strong and brave through their motivations, story, and songs.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .

after a long physically and mentally exhausting day, you hurriedly cleaned up and hopped on your bed at the top in the bunk bed you and your brother shared. you decided to draw on your sketchbook since you're bored so you took out your phone and find inspiration on pinterest. laying whilst scrolling, you find a drawing of jungwon; a kpop idol you adore and love deeply and find solace of. that catches your interest so you click it and eventually, you decided to draw him. while you're in the middle drawing him, the sleepiness inside you suddenly awoken so you put down your mechanical pencil and doze off, the left side of your face on the top of your right hand while laying flat on your stomach.

you got woken up by the noises downstairs so you decided to go down and check why is it so noisy, you didn't fully go down, just a few steps from the door of the second floor. and just to see the tall men sitting in the seating area of the shop. you rubbed your eyes and go down a few steps more, you were nonplussed by what you see. so you tried to rubbed your eyes more harshly, and when that didn't work, you slap yourself hard enough reasoning for the people downstairs to notice you.

"aww, that hurts," you said to yourself and looked at them again. it hit you, you aren't hallucinating. so you hurriedly go back and lie down on your bed. "what the actual freak?!" you mutter. then someone pulled the curtain that covers you and your bed. "y/n, why won't you go down? they are waiting for you," your mom says. "is that really enhypen?!" said you and scratches your head. "does it look like you're dreaming? take a shower and get dressed so you won't look like a beggar, they have been waiting for you," she says and leaves you.

turmoil still lingers but you did what your mother told you to do. you wear a white shirt with an oversized plaid fannel shirt and a jeans that matches your outfit. as you go downstairs, their attention went on you. you immediately go to the corner where they can't see much of you, looking down straight away. "hey, y/n, don't be bashful. we won't bite," you look up and see jay smiling at you but agitatedly look down. "we came here for you so if you don't come here, our efforts just to see you will end in nothing," heeseung says in a gentle tone but with a jot of irony. feeling fensive, you unconfidently walk towards them eyes stuck on the floor. as you got closer to them and stands still like a statue,

a hand grab yours and drags you to sit beside them. you can tell whose hand is it by just looking at it through your line of site. you know that hand too well to know whose is it. looking at the owner of the hand, you know yourself you're right. it's his hand, the hand of the person who gives you comfort, you can feel him, it's jungwons hand. you looked at him with awe, reverence, hero worship, fondness, tenderness, intimacy, warmth, and you name it. all sorts of love and adornments while you scrutinize over him. he's such an eyesome. no words could describe how you feel at this moment. "it's nice to see you, y/n," he says and flash a smile that shows his dimple. oh you swear to the ones above, it's so surreal.

you smiled back but then again, realization smacks at you, "w-what are you guys doing here?" you said while looking around confused. "that doesn't matter why we're here, what matter's we're here... for you," jake glance and grins at you. you look at them one by one because no matter what process you do in your mind you can't match the puzzles of why they're here. "y/n, don't think too much about why we're here, we don't want to stress you out, hmm?" ni-ki says to make you calm down. you agreed, you don't want to stress yourself about the complexities that are happening right now. the salient here is to make the most of the moment that are here now, right?

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .

following the haywire circumstances, enhypen asks you what you wanted to do for the day, you can't think of anything because you don't actually do anything sensible every day since the vacation had commenced. hence, all you could think of is... riding a bike?? (what?)

"you sure you want... to ride a bike?" sunghoon said while scratching the back of his head. he didn't expect you to take them for a bike ride because honestly, he expected something bigger. but of course, as a boring human being you are, that's something big you could think of. and besides, you don't want to ask something materialistic to them, that'll be too much you think. "yeah, this is all i could think of at this moment, i'm so sorry if i disappointed you guys," saying that, you smiled bitterly at them. "n-no, i didn't mean anything by that–", "don't mind him, y/n, he really wants to ride a bike and he's just too perplexed to see you," sunoo interrupted sunghoon then grabs your hand to get the bikes for the both of you.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .

what all you did for today was roamed around your town, and when every single one of you were tired, you thought of having a mini picnic for a while by the river where there weren't many people as per the sunset's gradually showing out. after that you thought of inviting them to the fair with you, as it's getting dark; the rides and playgrounds there will be lit up and and little by little, people started going there to wander around. you all enjoyed going there, you played different games like shooting the ball, darts, and so on. heeseung and jay won a teddy bear and they gave it to you, saying it was a remembrance. y'all also ride different types of rides such as the vikings, mini roller coaster, horror train where others told you they weren't scared but when y'all got inside they screamed their lungs out, and more rides. of course when some were hungry each of you decided to eat, you ate dinner there since there were many choices and places to eat.

you can't help but to be amused by this moments with them, even though it's not vain, it's ecstatic.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .

after a long magical exhausting day with them, they insisted you come with them to spend the night at the condominium they rented so they could still spend time with you, you have no idea why your family agreed to that but they did. you all managed to watch the movie because you weren't sleepy yet.

while watching, "do you think this will be the finale?" said sunoo abruptly.

despondency etched on his face. you couldn't help but to be stupefied looking at the big screen. "guess everything doesn't lasts forever..." ni-ki answered deeply. it makes you think, that what if, after all the convival you spent together, will it end just like that?

does joy doesn't take long to fade when it comes to you?

you smiled, but the pain is etched in your smiles. nothing lasts forever. forever is a lie. all we have is what's between hello and goodbye. yeah, that's right. forever is not in the vocabulary of the ones above when it comes to you. it's waggish, very very.

tears coming from your eyes, "ey c'mon! it's just a movie, don't fall that easily!" sunghoon says but he's also tearing up. "that's right. of course there's forever. that's not just where forever revoles," jungwon replied and looks at you while you wipe your tears. "okay, okay, let's go to sleep, maybe y'all cry again later," heeseung says and laughs slightly. y'all stand up.

"so... y/n, goodnight?" jake said. "hmm, i guess. goodnight?" you replied. you hugged them one by one, and when you hugged them all except jungwon, you looked at him with bit doubt, nervous to hug him. he gave you an assurance look and take your wrist. then he place it on his back as he places his on your waist. at that moment all you feel is alleviation and solace. you deepen the hug by putting your other hand on his back and he did that as well. after a moment, both of you break the hug and didn't say anything.

"now, let's sleep. goodnight sweetie y/n, see ya?" jake said while yawning, they bid goodbye and went to their rooms so you went in to yours too.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .

since you entered your room, you tried to sleep but no matter what position you took you couldn't fall asleep. because you had nothing to do, you remembered that the condominium has a balcony in the living room where you watched earlier so you thought of going there.

when you got there you saw the glass door was slightly open in the middle, there was a little air coming in causing the curtains to sway a little. you approached it and opened it, there you saw the lights coming from the city and some lights that were on from another condominium. the wind brushes over you. you can also see the pool at the bottom without people cause it's already dark, what caught your attention was the big moon focused on you, the moon is full, and its light is strange along with some shining stars. the moon also works as another ambient light.

you sat on the corner of the balcony and hugged your knees feeling the breeze. all of a sudden, you zoned out looking at the big round moon in front you. you can't help but to shed tears. everything you've been through comes back to you like strike of lightning. all of the suffering returns like a ghost. with everything you've been through, you've handled it, you've been able to handle it on your own. but no matter what you do, they never let you go, the problem's always there, you're like a prey that they keep coming back to hunt. and now you look like a crying child who's sobbing her heart out.

"y/n..." a worried voice called out to you. startled, you wiped your tears and stood up to see who it was. "jungwon–w-what are you doing here?" you swallowed when you said that. "i-i was just going to get some water but then i saw the door was slightly open so i looked to see if anyone is here" he said and also swallowed his own saliva. "a-are you okay?" he looks at you concerned but you just ignored it. "ha... i'm just venting here, i can't sleep–", "you know you can tell me anything, right?" he approached you a little causing you to suddenly get panicked. "h-huh? d-don't worry about me, i'm totally fine–" next thing you knew, he's hugging you.

"even if you say you're fine, i feel like you're not. you can admit that to me, i understand you. and if not, i will understand you… i will try to."

and when he said that, the tears that you'd been holding back since he arrived just plunged. and now, you're a crying mess on his chest. "you can tell me everything, i will listen." as he said stroking your hair. after a few moments of silence and all could hear was your sobbing, you decided to tell a him everything.

"i-i was just a kid... w-when, all the disasters happened..." you start. "at a young age, at a young age i witnessed my mom being hurt because of my father... not physically but i know in her heart, she was hurting... ever since my mom went abroad to support my older siblings, that's when my fater cheated... me and my other older brother were not there yet, so my eldest brother and sister are the ones who e-experienced the suffering from my dad. the worst of the hardships they suffered because my shameless father took in his mistress in our home. took almost every furniture so my older siblings find it hard to survive, almost all of our equipment ended up in his mistress..." you explained.

"but you know what hurts? he touched my freaking sister w-while mom was not there. you know? not only that, apart from some of his attachments, he had a c-child with his other mistresses." i cried while holding his shirt on his chest. "he took drugs, became a drunkard, a womanizer. i grew up witnessing and knowing them because my mother made me aware. and... a-and when the pandemic came... that's when i collapsed like a cliff... i was just sleeping... i'm still young, still young. i woke up to find him on top of me, rubbing his body against me."

there your crying got louder and louder. jungwon didn't say anything even though he was shocked by what you said, instead he hugged you tighter to ease what you're feeling. "i t-told that to my m-mom, she said... she said we she's going to make my dad go to jail, b-but, but it didn't happen... now, now w-we are still living with him under the same roof."

"because of him my life is ruined... j-jungwon, my life is ruined because of him. i don't know how to move forward. because every time i see him, everything comes back... everything. everything i used to do changed. i'm also afraid to wear short clothes, afraid getting close to m-men. then... other than that, various things happened between me and my family... jungw-won, i'm so tired and i don't i know what to do... i don't know how to resolve it." you pulled your hair and continued to cry.

"j-just after those, something... s-something happened with me and my brother. it was also night and i was sleeping peacefully... when i felt my brother behind me and was hugging me... i don't know if it's because of my trauma that am I so s-scared but i feel that he's touching me, i-i told that to my mom again but she just ignored it, she said it's normal for siblings... i know, maybe, but i'm not used to it... only you guys make me feel comfortable... especially y-you. then b-because of that, i thought of running away, they didn't know where i went, they called me by the phone... but i d-didn't answer. t-the river we went to? there was i went, t-they didn't know that place. but because i-i was afraid that if something happens to my mom while she's finding me, so i said i was there, i told my m-mom and she went to see me. she cried, and i didn't mean to make her cry but i want to go away, i want to leave to feel the freedom i've been longing. i don't want to hurt them, i didn't want them to think i'm a rebel, but what can i d-do... that's when i also realized that my sister became a rebel because of what happened to her... n-now, that's not just the only problem i'm having..."

"we're financially unstable and mom is getting old, m-my side line job is not enough to support my c-collage... mom is s-sick, but i can't do anything, i-i want to help her, treat her. b-but i was raised not to be able to express feelings and c-care. i want to h-help her but i just can't. i want to fin-ish my studies but it's hard if we're short on money a-and mom's income is just enough for daily expenses. h-how can i help her in the future if I'm not sure if i have a future. jungwon, i'm s-so tired... i don't know anymore..." your tears didn't have time to dry because they kept flowing.

after you told your story there was huge silence, jungwon just let you cry and pour out your feelings. after what you've said he didn't feel any disgust, irritation, or anything else. he tried to understood you, and even if he didn't feel what you were feeling he understood you. he's there for you, that's the least he's done and could do for you. to be there for you and be your companion thru these tears.

when you calmed down you let go of the hug and looked at him. "thank you, thank you for listening and for not letting me feel my story's nonsense. and for trying to understand me. i am very grateful to you, jungwon." i smiled at him and he wiped my tears.

he smiled back. "shh... i'm here because i want to be the person you can lean on." he holds your right hand and kissed it. at this moment you really know thay he's your solace, a person who you find comfort to. a person who you can tell everything without judgment. a person who try to understand you. a person who's your everything. you love him, so so damn much.

he hugged you once again and broke the hug. you were surprised when he suddenly brought out a box and opened it infront of you. "a necklace?" asked you, he nodded and took it out the box. "i want you to keep this for me. this will serve as your protection whenever I'm not around and whenever you need someone to be with you in what you're going through and what you've been through." he looked at you and slowly attached the necklace. he couldn't help but to smile at the sight of you. you're gorgeous.

he then puts his hands to your cheecks comes closer a bit. "can i?" he asked, asking for assurance.

you nodded, and there he slowly brings his face closer to you until there's no space. he kissed you so gently as if you're something so pure to him and he didn't want to hurt. he kissed you without sexual desire, just full benevolent and endearment. you feel at cloud nine. he then removed his hand from your cheeks and placed it on your waist as you placed your hands on his neck. the kiss deepened and... and... what?...

"y/n, wake up! prof. kim's mad!" said the voice near you. huh? because you haven't woken up and that person shook you. "oh come on, y/n. do you want to be put in detention?" it mutter. when you didn't respond, the person in front speaks loud, "ms. y/n why are you sleeping in my class?!"

you got irritated so you replied loudly, "what?!" the person who tried to wake you up is rather shocked and so is the other students.

"that's it, ms. y/n to the principals office after class. you're already sleeping in my class and now you have the face to scream like that." the professor says who happens to be mr. kim. you looked at the person next to you and saw your best friend. it looks at you like a ghost.

it was all just a dream? wtf?

after the class, apologized to your best friend for how you've acted and immediately packed your things to head to the principals office, when you open your bag you saw a teddy bear you swore wasn't there. "did you put this here?" you asked your best friend who's also packing her stuff.

"no? why would i put that there?" she replied. "maybe you have an admirer," you just look at her confused then suddenly you remember from your dream that you did go to a fair and two people gave a teddy bear to you, it's exactly the same teddy in your dream. then again, you remembered the necklace so you look at them in your bag but there's nothing to be found.

you almost jumped out of your body when you realized that there was a glowing pendant around your neck so you touched it.

"nice necklace, where did you get that?" your best friend asks, and from that moment you became a cement. how can these things be here if you never had anything like this...

could it be real?... isn't that just a dream?

[makiswirl]

can i just say. and this is probably a niche hill to die on. that i am so gobsmacked every time someone vaguely hints at the idea that jotaro doesn't care meaningfully for the other crusaders, usually particularly kakyoin and joseph, when those two actually tend to be the ones he reacts to being hurt the hardest

like he cares for his loved ones!!!! that literally plays into his character motives in every single part he shows up in!!! stop lying to me!!!!!!!

[time-is-restored]

im seeing so many people say that sophietexas said shit she unequivocably Did Not Say so like. just for my own peace of mind.

when dream asked what she'd said about him/george, she explained that she had tweeted a friend's misogynistic experience with george (without details), which she took down because it 'caused more harm than good' and 'it was becoming more about me [than the victim]'.

they shared a screenshot of the tweet with him

dream, assuming there was more to the story (apparently he'd been told she was talking shit about him?) asked what else she'd said. he also asked why he/george wouldn't know what incident she was referring to if it was 'that bad'

sophie clarified they only tweeted about george, and said the interaction in question was not assault, and they wasn't accusing george of that

dream asked for more details, accusing them of not wanting to 'hear another perspective'. basically saying it wasn't fair that they'd say this shit when it could be a 'miscommunication' or not true

sophie said again she wasn't going to say anything else because it wasn't her story to tell

dream said that was ridiculous, and asked why they'd had positive interactions in the past if she was so negative towards them now

sophie explained george had ignored them + therefore been rude, didn't mention the context, and DREAM said it 'probably happened' in an among us lobby. made a comment about how he'll 'never know' why they don't like him

sophie said she didn't like his attitude. dream said it was hard to have a nice attitude when he was getting texts from people asking why everyone on twitter thinks he's a 'serial rapist'

sophie said that the conversation was getting unproductive, and that she wasn't going to expose her friend. she said she doesn't wish for dreams downfall, and she just wants the creator space to be safer

now, about what she DIDN'T say/do:

she did not accuse george of 'being a misogynist because he ignored her in an among us lobby'. she mentioned that they had been in among us lobbies when dream said he didn't remember her. separately to that, she said that george had ignored her when they'd spoken. seperately to that, the misogynistic behaviour accusation was her sharing a friend's personal experience. all she ever said was that george was rude to her.

they did not accuse george of assaulting anyone (aside from expressing support for caiti), and they clarified that their friend's negative experience was Specifically Not Assault before they deleted all related tweets.

she did not accuse dream of literally anything. i cannot emphasise this enough. dream clearly thought/was told that she said something abt him, and kept asking what 'else' she said apart from the tweet (which she willingly showed). again, all she said about dream was that she thought he was nice, and now thinks he has a bad attitude.

sophie did not share her friend's story in detail because that wasn't what the friend wanted. if you think that's shady, please consider that dream went public in order to accuse connor + sophie of saying shit about him/george without having proof. if sophie had named her friend, or given details, that knowledge would've become public too. then please consider the reaction that caiti has received these past few weeks, after accusing george of something george admitted to. consider the ways people are still calling her a liar, or a clout chaser, or of exaggerating/changing her mind and calling it assault after the fact, after george has agreed that what she said happened happened. would you, knowing that context, want to expose your friend (who already didn't want to come forward personally!) to that level of scrutiny and judgement?

leave sophie the fuck alone come on guys. their 'crime' is not liking george or dream and expressing that to dream's face. they made a tweet on behalf of a friend which they took down bc they felt it was detracting from caiti's story. that's literally it.

[cinnamon-phrog]

A mutual reblogged a pr*ship post and their dni is now neutral. Unfallowed. Bolcked.

[torgawl]

distracting myself from furina's death sentence. CHILDE FOUL LEGACY IS BACK IN ACTION BABY!!!!!

[mydr3aminvi0let]

i wear a lot of skirts and pink and whatnot as my style has developed with me & my personality but when one of those age regression girlies latch onto me....i do not like that

[brightside-brigade]

Oh good Gods I'm gonna throw up. I saw it. There's a live stream going on about it I'm gonna throw up.

I'm gonna unsub from that channel. It was supposed to be a safe channel. It was supposed to be silly reddit and 4chan stories.

They're talking about it. It's happening again. It was an unrelated channel. I'm not safe. It's not safe nowhere is safe. Did he know I watch? Is that why it happened? Does he know? He knows. Everyone knows. I'm not safe. There are eyes on me everywhere. Everyone knows who I am. They know when I'm around and they all want me dead.

[jedi-bird]

So because I'm on antidepressants now I'm apparently not allowed to have any bad days. Like, not sure how to explain that that's not how it works and that ignoring me and refusing to speak to me isn't going to help.

[hydrachea]

As far as i know people from the usa tend to have more of a two faced attitude. they act all nice with a person or say they like a thing even tho they do absolutly hate it just to be polite. All the french people i know are more true to their opinions even tho it might hurt other peoples feelings. Might be a europe thing in general idk

Huh, that's the first I hear of that. I wonder if it is a culture thing?

Then again I mean, acting nice around someone you dislike (when they aren't outright antagonizing you) or toning down how much you hate something someone likes is being polite, I wouldn't call that being two-faced. I guess there's just a way to go about it, it's true I wouldn't outright lie about liking something just to be polite - if that's what you mean. I do value people not getting the wrong idea over sparing their feelings and I'd rather they do the same - and believe me when I say I'm saying this as an unbelievably sensitive little bitch.