#please dont be weird about this post i hope its like understandable what im trying to think about here?

[yin-shimo]

Collective (and final) Post

- because I'll be deleting the previous posts and hoping this singular one is good enough for everyone.

Let's get the biggest issue out of the way,

Yes, I am a proshipper and no i don't care how you feel about it. As always, please feel free to block me now and not bother to read the rest, its the reason i was open about being one in the first place.

I never cared i was banned from yoonie's server. i never talked in it and i wasn't there to make friends. I was in there solely to see if they said anything about me and yeah they did. You can go crazy and call me a stalker for that too, I get it. What they said is irrelevant (such as my cc, i don't know why its made out to seem like im upset abt that..) to why im upset, i just disliked them viewing my account like stalkers even tho none followed or liked me. Thats it. I would have never called out names etc if yoonnie hadnt vague posted me.

secondly, for all the csa and sa mentions and me supposedly posting weird ships or whatever. Please, please actually scroll through my account and show me where i have EVER talked about any ships (aside from wx), posted images abt the topic, or anything similar.

while youre at it, please show me where it was that i failed to tag such 'problematic' nsfw posts. you do know i only tag them with #xian: spice, my oc tags and occasionally #simspice, right? My pinned says im an 18+ blog, my description says 18+ only, how many warnings are expected of me?

next, where and when did i ever interact with anyone, especially from that clique, that made them so uncomfortable? it couldnt be in yoonie's server. i didnt talk about my self or interests and no one ever posted in the nsfw channel of my own server when it existed. so again, it couldnt be there either. I dont even interact with minors on discord or tumblr!

please, please understand that i KNOW there are many many topics people arent comfortable with (i have some too) and theyre 100% valid! especially to block/unfollow me for! Aside from one recent render, I have never posted anything worth a CW (and the render is properly tagged with #cw: implied abuse) and if i do again, it will always have the proper CW. I am not trying to trigger anyone.

If somehow, my pfp, description, etc, is enough to trigger you, please please just stay away from my account for your own sake. and the yarichin argument is weak and only proves the people so uncomfortable and 'triggered' by me apparently still look at my page and saw my current pfp lol

the only post that will be left is the ask i answered showing how harmful corona 'jokes' are towards all asians whether theyre chinese or not

[antiv3nom]

Bedman (Romeo)

omg havent had an excuse to talk abt bedman in a hot minute thank u anon...

favorite thing about them:

i love the tragedy of his story arc... that feels like a weird thing to say but its the first thing that came to mind! just. look. the road to hell paved with good intentions bit taken to the extreme really works here!!! the idea that he remembered the name of every person he ever killed because he was under the impression he could bring them all back, only to have the rug pulled from under him? hurts me! in the best way!!!

other than that i do enjoy his design, both romeo himself and the bed :] i wanna give my bedman cosplay another try sometime for sure, it didnt work out for various reasons but i have most of the components and would enjoy cosplaying him fr in the future

least favorite thing about them:

i think i dont really dislike anything about the way bedman is written in the source material strongly enough to point it out here? i think my main gripe is the way the fandom treats him to either extreme, like theres "bedman did nothing wrong ever" people and "bedman is horrific" people and i wish both camps would chill out and recognize hes like. a complex character? but i do think most people do this already which i can appreciate

favorite line:

im a little obsessed w his win line against may in xrd

"I do not understand humans who are motivated by love. A person is born, lives for a number of years, and interacts with up to eight billion people. What proof is there of something they can't even define?"

bc like. buddy. you dont even realize it. YOURE driven by love. all this shit wasnt just for yourself but it was for delilah too!!! fuck!!! you dont even see it as love you see it as necessary because shes that important to you!!! and dont even get me STARTED on the bed in strive and how its still running because of his last minute code additions which almost act as the last part of his will to protect delilah. GAHHHH

brOTP:

BEDMAN AND AXL INTERACTIONS. PLEASE. PLEASE. their dynamic is so interesting as characters with such fascinating ways of interacting with the world...gah. GAH. and no one fucking talks about it!!!

OTP:

sinbed. must i wlabo.

ok but i will, im not as into them as i was like a year ago but i still do really enjoy their dynamic. sin being such a beacon of hope and being so willing to see people as good contrasted with a post-xrd living bedman (bc all my sinbed stuff exists within au but im having fun out here so sue me) seeing himself as inherently evil due to his actions despite his intentions and believing no one would ever care for him? it hits for me

nOTP:

i dont know of anything off the top of my head that ive seen for him??? nothing prevalent at least.

actually on second thought i think ive seen like one instance of bedman and ram in a romantic sense, and that im not a fan of but i guess i could see the appeal, just not my thing

random headcanon:

this motherfucker would have gotten heated in some internet forums or wiki talk pages, DEDICATED to accuracy out here and he WILL fight you about it

unpopular opinion:

not entirely certain i have one? i think the "bedman while flawed is not actually a terrible person and was doing his best given his extremely fucked up circumstances" is a pretty cool take by this point for most people

i think the only thing i have is that my interpretation of bedman has always been as like a young adult rather than a kid but like i dont really have a concrete opinion on that and i totally understand people who do see him as a kid like its entirely understandable to do so

song i associate with them:

other than his character themes, its GOTTA be dramaturgy by eve, which just. it gives the vibes. read the english lyrics it will make sense i prommy

favorite image of them:

THE EEPER...

OTHER than this one its more an animation but his 6p in xrd is so silly i love it so bad...and for a more serious option his instant kill is really cool

[kitthepurplepotato]

hey love!!! it's me! i dont know if you remember me, but i've been liking, reposting, commenting and following the series 'my weird roomate boyfriend' and i absolutly adore your work and writing, and for a while now i haven't heard updates from you, not about the fanfic but about you, and i just remembered you and wanted to ask how are you. i've been a little worried, and we really dont know each other and there's no reason for you to trust me but i really just wanted to make sure if you're doing any better or just need someone to talk to, im here if you need a friend!

im sending you lots of hugs and sweets and lots of lots of good!

i will understand completly if you decide to not answer this, but im really just worried for my favourite author and would be more then happy if you could give me an update for how are you doing!

have a wonderfull day and a wonderfull week and please please please dont forget to drink, eat, and rest and remember to not overwork yourself!!! love, me!

Oh my god, of course I remember you, silly! I absolutely adore you 💜💜💜💜💜

Also, perfect timing because I wanted to post an update on my situation but I wasn’t sure how to start or if it’s even needed?

Thankfully, things are getting better now, I just got sick from all the stress and the constant meltdowns I’ve had almost every day (yes, I just had Covid 3 weeks ago yet here I am, sick again, love my life.)

/warning for everyone - mentions of death, depression, suicidal thoughts and other bad stuff, also, a lot of TMI/

I’m not going to lie, this was the hardest week of my life and I don’t say that lightly (I lost my father suddenly a year before, and my grandma died in a house fire just a few months back.)

I had a really hard time understanding that all these terrible things do not mean that I’m not good enough to live and they aren’t signs that I shouldn’t exist in this world. I felt like life’s trying to force me out of its territory by terrorizing me until I break down, taking everything I love and cherish and it all felt so unfair. I really thought I’m old enough to not go back to that terrible place I crawled out of when I was 17, but this “thing” was the last straw.

With that said, I want to thank you guys for all the kind words and also my best friend @porusuniverse who woke up at 2 fucking AM when she had to wake up at 5, just to keep me company after having the worst nightmare of my fucking life and also for the ridiculous amount of hours she had spent with me and kept me fucking alive while this thing got sorted. She is an absolute legend.

I’m not going to lie and say everything is 100% alright, but I’m getting there.

/TMI OVER/

I am slowly getting back into writing, I have half a chapter of the Izuku one and the Aizawa one is almost finished! Also have a half chapter of the Bakugou one. I wanted to finish at least one of them tomorrow but then I got sick, so we will see when I’ll be able to post any of them. I’m trying to concentrate on the Aizawa one now as there’s only one chapter left and then I can give the other two the attention they deserve, but I’m also trying not to FORCE myself to write but rather just do what I enjoy so will see which one wins, eyy!

I can’t wait to be back. Like honestly, I miss Tumblr, your comments and writing in general soooo sooo much 💜

See you soon and thank you for being so kind! I’ll definitely bug you the next time I manage to go down the rabbit hole but let’s hope I won’t because I don’t think I have the mental energy for another round 😂

Cheers, everyone! 🥦

Kit 💥

[kvothbloodless]

As is my tradition after finishing a locked tomb book, I will now post a list of the various things I did not understand, which made me say out loud “what the fuck”, in the hopes that someone, somewhere, understands what the fuck is going on and can explain to me.

1. What the fuck is up with Gideon and Harrow? Like, my understanding is Nona is Nav's soul in harrows body, with amnesia. But clearly not, since Nav is maybe in her own body? Where the fuck is Harrows soul? Its not in gideons body. She cant be a lyctor, so why does she have super healing? Why was Nona dying? What the fuck is going on?

AFTER READING: Okay so Nona is just Harrow with even more amnesia? Why was Nona dying? What the fuck is going on?

Hold on, wait a second. That might be the saddest thing in any of these books. Like, ever. And thats...a competition. THIS IS A WHAT HARROW WOULD BE IF SHED BEEN RAISED WITH LOVE AND NOT GUILT. 😭

2. What the fuck was up with Cam and Pal pre-Paul? They say theyre not lyctors, and the RB doesnt affect them, but they can heal and stuff, so its not just a normal possession (especially with the eyes).

3. How did G1deon and Pyrra end up sharing a body in the first place? Wht didnt they ever communicate in the 10,000 years? Did they do the same weird half lyctorhood that Cam and Pal have done?

4. How did Jod Get necromancy? In the dreams it just sorta appears after he spends time around corpses. Is he editing the story? Or is there no explanation for how magic suddenly became possible? Like. It seems like getting Jods backstory was gonna explain how necromancy actually works, what its source is, why no one had ever discovered it before. What the fuck is the River?

5. What Are the dreams. Like, is it just Harrow having hallucinations in the River? But then they wouldnt be accurate. Is Harrow going through Alecto/the bodys memories? Its pretty clear that sometimes Jod is talking about/to Alecto in the dreams, but he says Harrows name. Is this just the name replacing, and in actuality hes saying Alecto? Or was Jod also talking to Harrow?

6. What the fuck Was Alecto, why would everyone care about her. Is she the Earths RB, and so when hes talking about people not caring about her, they mean the earth? But that doesnt make sense, since the cryo project was to save people, not the planet.

AFTER READING: Okay so I think i was right here. But can someone please explain how John went full Jod? He killed everyone on the Earth, and used the thanergy to force the Earths soul into a body, yea? Then did some lyctor-esque bullshit, so he could use her soul as his fuel, and uses that to...do what exactly, I couldnt tell? Eat the thalergy from the sun and the other planets? Then rezed everyone on the planet, and gave them amnesia so they woulsnt remember he killed them? Also, does this mean jods lyctorhood is bases on thalergy rather than thanergy? Also, still unclear on how the cryo project was gonna save her in the first place? And how is the resurrection of the planets and sun still linked to Jod? ALSO, i think he lied at some point to Harrow, yea? Like. The reason he refused to resurrect some people isnt becuz of a great cost. He cant rez anyone if they died more than a moment ago, yea?

7. Why is 7 just...chilling in space? Is it because none of the lyctors on planet are acrual lyctors, so it cant find them, but irs attracted to them still? Why not just eat the whole planet? Dont RBs do that all the time?

8. Why can Nona understand the RB, and how was it possessing Judith? Im assuming Nonas big scream had to do with that. But like. How? What the fuck was 7 talking about?

9. How did they get Nona away from Jod? How did they lose Gideons body?

10. Why did Pyrra immedietly start cooperating with BoE? Hang on, how did She get away from Jod. Im assuming this will also answer the previous question.

11. What are Jods actual plans? Like, is he legit just trying to rule all of space? Seems like he should have an actual motivation for everything hes been doing. Maybe to save Alecto? But like. How? Also the fact that hes been so hands off and now hes "fragile". Like. This really does not come off as Either "generic tyrant" Or "guy with a myriad long master plan". What the fuck is going on?

AFTER READING: Is jods entire conquest literally just revenge because the source of those people are the rich ones that got away? Is he really That much of a whining baby? Has his entire myriad of life and manipulation of his loved ones been "avoid dying to the RBs, and take "revenge""?

AFTER READING MORE: Okay, follow up: what was jods actual plan (with the tomb)? Has he really become suicidal becuz of all his og friends are dead? If so, why the fuck did he kill Mercy? Why did he get Augustine killed? If hes actually this fucked up over it, it seems like hed have rather forgiven them. But also I dont think Ianthe misread the situation. So is he faking it? Is he trying to get Gideon/Kiriona killed? Why? What the fuck is going on?

12. What the fuck is wrong with Gideon/Kiriona? Like shes acting callous and a bit cruel and just...not Gideon. But she also seems to have similar goals as what Id expect. She really wants to find Harrow, she refuses to ever be constrained. Shes...vaguely helpful towards Coronabeth and Cam/Pal. She even makes the occasional funny dumb comment, and acts mostly like Gideon om the 9th But like. She seems...off. Shockingly, the Ianthe friendship tracks.

AFTER READING: Was that just Gideon after months of depression and repression? That still doesn’t seem right. I feel like Gideon wouldn’t break that fast, after 18 years under Crux. Especially like “the reverend daughter has no living cavalier” Gideon would Die before renouncing her cavaliership to Harrow. In fact, she did.

13. Are the numbers/chapters & verses of Jods backstory meaningful somehow?

14. Okay, so unless Ive missed count, theres like...4 (or maybe 5?) different types of lyctorhood? Theres the og method that kills the Cav. Theres Jods method where both survive in their own bodies. Theres G1deons method that haa both survive in the necros body (is this what Pal ans Cam were doing initially?). Theres the new method that combines both into a single person. And then maybe theres whatever the fuck is going on with Kiriona (unclear if thats lyctorhood or what). Also theres whatever Harrow did to leave Gideon in her body in HtN, which might have just been a shittier version of whatever G1deon did. Did I miss anything, get anything wrong? Also, what the fuck?

15. What do we know about what happened with Jod and Alecto after the resurrection? Like. They clearly had some sort of romantic relationship, but also she went murderbeast and he had to lock her up? Whyd she go murderbeast? And whyd he lock her up? It seems pretty clear Jod was never particularly stable. I mean, he did seem pretty set on saving humanity, but even still, seems very weird that hed agree to lock her up, given how much he loved her.

16. Okay, so Jod is insanely vindictive and fairly controlling. His paranoia explains why he didnt give the og lyctors perfect lyctorhood. But he seems to have genuinely loved them, and didnt seem cruel. Why not, like, one of the other types, that didnt require awful trauma? And why the other dickish stuff, like leaving Cytherea's illness and shit?

17. Huh, so pretty sure we got confirmation Harrow has always beeen schizophrenic, which is super cool. Now I wanna go back and read GtN and see if this changes my reading at all.

18. What else did I miss/not catch? Im sure there was a bunch of clues and info that I wasn’t smart enough to pick up on.

Question still unanswered from Harrow the Ninth:

1. What the fuck is all this about the river and God not knowing about it? What the fuck is Hell? What are these devils? What the fuck?

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

For a few years i really genuinely believed I was a DID system. I have the trauma, some of the symptoms etc but after a year in college I got diagnosed with DPDR.

I rlly felt like my symptoms were real bit bc of the different diagnosis i tried to forget about system things. I didn't see myself as a faker, I genuinely felt the symptoms, but they all just kind of went away the less i paid attention to it

Now a year later i made a new friend who happened to be a system and now its making my brain feel all weird. Like some of the system feelings come back. I know that isn't how disorders work and its really bothering me how Im so easily influenced by suggestion.

I really dont want to be a system because nobody wants such a heartbreaking disorder, but it feels so weird having the voices and feelings come back again and I wish it would go away

Hi anon,

First of all please know that you're not alone, and it's okay to question whether or not you're a system. Your experiences are valid.

While it's possible that DPDR could be explaining the symptoms you attribute to DID, a DPDR diagnosis doesn't necessarily mean you don't also have DID. Many systems experience dissociation consistent with derealization and depersonalization.

I also just want to say that while being a system can definitely be heartbreaking, there are also moments of laughter, joy, and unity that are unique to being a system. Having DID or OSDD is predicated on trauma, but that doesn't necessarily mean that being a system is a totally horrible experience. Somewhere here on Tumblr I once saw a post saying that if you believe it would be better to be a system, then you likely are a system because singlets would not benefit from it.

I can understand wanting the voices and feelings to go away because experiencing that might make your life feel more overwhelming and disorienting. But it's also important to consider that it may not be healthy to try and suppress these symptoms, whatever they might be a part of. Allowing these voices and feelings to come and go may give you the opportunity to analyze where these voices and feelings are coming from and what they may be communicating.

It's worth considering that being around your friend may potentially serve as an opportunity for your system to feel comfortable expressing themselves, knowing that they don't have to conceal symptoms in the presence of someone who understands.

As a questioning system, I find the OSDD Discord server to be extremely useful in settling questions about what it's like to be a system, and if your experience is consistent with diagnosed systems. It can be a space to get a better understanding of yourself and systems in general so I recommend it if you're interested.

I'm not sure if you're still in college, but if you are, you may want to consider reaching out to their counseling center (if they have one) and consulting a mental health professional about this, as they could best help you in navigating yourself and can recommend diagnoses.

If anyone else has any comments or suggestions, particularly systems, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[fabaceous]

okay i watched the episode i ate some lunch i read some posts and here are my “quick” takes

- i liked the unreliable narration aspect of shauna hallucinating/dreaming that the baby turned out fine bc i love unreliable narration/hallucination and even though it was not hard to guess that it was not real, i dont mind that kind of thing bc im a pretty easygoing tv/movie watcher. BUT i, like many of you, thought it was weird and surprising that she ended up saying(/dreaming/hallucinating) that she loved the baby. if i were to try to explain it away in a way that makes sense to me personally id say maybe she’s subconsciously imagining/hoping that she could love the baby bc she feels like its what she’s supposed to do and she’s afraid she wouldnt be able to when the time comes, but if so, the writing should make that clearer, so instead im forced to assume they really chose to write her as being enamored with this baby immediately which. well... is it too much to ask for her to at LEAST have complicated/conflicted feelings, even if they didnt want to commit to her actually not wanting the baby? it feels like a bit of a wasted opportunity in a show that prides itself on going to dark/twisted/taboo places. and im just generally weary of this idea that, like, every woman just instantly falls in love and magically develops maternal instincts when she has a baby. i dont know. ive never given birth, maybe its true. but it feels like that’s the messaging i’ve gotten from EVERYWHERE, from the world, from my own mother, from mommy bloggers, whatever, and i guess just once i would’ve liked to see something a little more complicated

- personally i thought/hoped that the baby hallucinations were going to go in a very different direction, especially when adult nat took the goldfish out of the water, i thought shauna was going to like, mercy-kill the baby or something bc she’d realized he didnt have a chance if they were all starving and she couldnt even make milk. BUT THATS JUST ME

- akilah and her emotional support mouse... so cute but i cannot be the only one who was dying a little at the thought of her delivering the baby after freshly petting a mouse 😭 like please wash ur hands first pleeease

- congrats to the lottienat girls who just keep winning... must be nice! and the taivan road trip brought me a significant amount of joy i have to say

- i share the concern that it is starting to feel a bit retcon-y and inconsistent. like as soon as they were done with the jackie arc they said “i dont want to play with you anymore” despite setting it up in s1 as THE defining moment of shauna’s time in the wilderness. its the blessing and the curse of multiple timelines...they can be soooo rewarding but you have to be REALLY sure of what happened in each one and you have to stick to it! (dark did this well! i think they had pretty much everything planned out right from s1 so there were certain moments in s1 that you still didn’t fully understand until the end of s3, it was very intricate and most importantly it was internally consistent. but i digress...) i guess it sticks out to me the most with this particular storyline bc it’s the one i was most invested in, but im sure there are some other examples too

i guess the bottom line is that in a well-done dual timeline show, the information you learn about the earlier timeline should enhance and enrich your understanding of the later timeline. and in some of cases it did, but in some cases it’s falling flat...i dont know i could probably rub together a few more brain cells and come up with some more thoughts but other people have already said it pretty well and unless i have a brainwave i dont think i have much to add!

[hasarjunadoneanythingwrong]

Something you missed.

https://lapithae.tumblr.com/post/702003747138715648/2-major-factions-in-chaldea-the-14-yr-old-heroic#notes

????? are you talking about their reblog?? their tags??? i literally reblogged their commentary about the translation about the scene what are you trying to say here??? i read all the tags on everything i post i definitely read what they said, and trust me, i am NOT the ' people focusing too much on the 'drinking age' thing and sort of. missing the point.' literally the only reason i started bringing drinking age up was because people WOULDNT STOP FOCUSING ON IT

THE POINT IS NOT ABOUT ALCOHOL OR DRINKING AGE

IT IS ABOUT HOW TIME HAS PASSED, BEEN CONFIRMED IN GAME TO PASS, AND THEY ARE STILL CATEGORIZED INCONSISTENTLY AS A CHILD

I WAS MAKING FUN OF IT BECAUSE ITS SILLY. IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A FUNNY POST. WHY IS THIS MAKING EVERYONE SO WEIRD????? THERE HAVE LITERALLY BEEN SEVEN CHRISTMASES AND SUMMERS AND YET THEYRE STILL TOO YOUNG TO DRINK, WHICH SUGGESTS CHALDEA HIRED THEM AROUND AGE 13-14. CAN I NOT FUCKING JOKE ABOUT THE IMPLICATIONS OF PINNING HUMANITY'S CONTINUED SURVIVAL ON A SINGLE 13 YEAR OLD???

like im sorry if i seem to be getting really irritated about this but it wasnt even supposed to be about kintoki's comment in the first place, he was just a more recent example of someone saying that sort of thing! im well aware kintoki is the kind of person who would get involved if he thought someone needed help regardless of their age, and if i'd known this would have brought the pedants out in full force i wouldve...idk compiled a post of every example of someone calling the mc a child? not made the post??

i legitimately dont know what you were trying to tell me with this. i saw this post. i reblogged this post. i'm definitely not mad at lapithae and i appreciate that they added context to kintoki's scene (SINCE I THOUGHT I HAD MADE IT CLEAR IN THE OG POST I KNEW KINTOKI WOULD GET INVOLVED REGARDLESS OF AGE BUT IT SEEMS READING IS DIFFICULT FOR A LOT OF PEOPLE THIS WEEK) but what do you hope to gain with this?

'haha op doesnt know that japan can't depict minors drinking so thats why ritsuka is a minor forever' i did in fact know this. literally why make them a minor in the first place if its such an issue. they literally had a scene last month where they offer van gogh absinthe and then give her the child trait. 'haha op is fixating too much on alcohol when the specific scene is-' the specific scene was just one picked to support a joke post. i couldve used another one. the only reason i started talking about alcohol was because other people wouldn't shut up about it and it had nothing to do with the scene in question but because i had about 10000 people nagging me about how ritsuka is a minor, and thus can't drink, and so they have to note it, when we all know damn well most people from most older cultures wouldnt have given a shit about modern drinking laws and frankly even drank more beer than actual water even as children. please give it a rest

i dont understand what you're trying to say

[void-selfships-archive]

Ok I just FINALLY finished bojack horseman after taking a very long break from it cuz it was not good for my depression BUT!!! I was strong enough to finish it and I’ve followed this blog for years and I know you self ship with bojack but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a post explaining how you fit into that world?? Like, what’s your role, how did you and bojack meet, how does your story grow along with the others? AND!! Woooo, “the view from halfway down” episode was. Wow. How would you/your s/i (idk which one you use) react to all that? Are YOU maybe the one bojack calls instead of Diane? Do you/your s/i have their own “view from halfway down” episode? Sorry if this is a lot but I’m back into this show now and I’d love to know your role in the whole thing. :)

SOBBING CRYING SHAKING RN HOLY SHIT YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW EXCITED I GOT SEEING THIS FJEJCJEJXJS

Also i get having to take breaks with this show bc if you aren't doing well it will NOT be good for you fjekwjcje I'm on my 4th (5th?) Rewatch rn after like a year (it's a comfort show) [ALSO VIEW FROM HALFWAY DOWN POG??? <- (my top favorite episode)]

BUT ALSO IM. SO GLAD YOU ASKED BC I HAVE SO MUCH LORE FOR THIS MFCKER AND IM TOO NERVOUS TO TALK ABT IT WITHOUT BEING PROMTED !!!

I'm gonna put everything under the cut for SPOILER REASONS but also PLEASE read the tags just in case!!! We're talking abt the mfckin CANON timeline I have for my self insert shits depressing as hell (also I hope I generally explained everything fjejcjdh bad at doing that smtimes)

I'm almost glad I'm not talking abt the Childhood friends au bc its SO softcore like wheres the angst bestie? But also damn. Why all the angst in the canon tl? Chill OUT /lh

Generally the canon tl follows the show pretty accurately, aside from the fact that IM there and a few things r obviously different

I met him in a bar during the 90s! It was one of those "Oh we're both actors! Pog." And we basically drank together and trauma-bonded. They quickly become good friends (It was funny, considering the first thing we said to eachother was "oh you look familiar" and "YOU'RE THAT GUY FROM THAT SHOW I WATCH!" Truly the start of a wonderful friendship.)

And, I basically stayed around him. The Whole Time- through Herb getting fired and both of our shows ending and various depressive episodes (on both ends), parent funerals and hallowern parties and benders and awful horrible shows that definitely should never be mentioned nor have been put on air.

And weird one night stands with eachother that never get brought up the next day (or at all for that matter) just to keep things from being weird.

So I've known him for awhile, and I've stuck around for awhile, basically a ride or die friend (with a tiny little crush that I'm not acknowledging) that's my role, the Yearning Best Friend- so cringe but it works out in the end.

I think, major event wise, everything still happened the same. It's right until S4 when things are, a little different? (Not by much though)

When he heads to his old family summer home he invites me to come with (I also didn't think itd be smart to leave him alone) and through that entire trip he told me about Horsin Around and his family and at a point a drunken rant abt New Mexico that neither of us remembered in the morning. (It was a bonding trip, definitely the start of Feelings too) we start dating in the middle of that season (specifically when we all got trapped underground, you confess a lot when you think you're going to die)

So naturally, S5 is different too, he's not dating Gina in that season, but everything still happens the same otherwise. (Of course I knew something was off the whole time, you don't stay friends with someone for several years and NOT notice when something's off, motherfucker wouldnt *talk* to me though, and when he did it was to tell me someone was trying to sabotage the show and of course you cant have two paranoid mfers under the same roof, they just end up fueling eachother until it's too late and something horrible happens)

And something horrible happened, and Diane told me about what she thought happened in New Mexico, and I'm thinking "I feel like I've heard this story before." And then Bojack tells me what happened in New Mexico and then he choked his co-star and hes going to rehab and everything is obviously too much and I tell him I can't visit of course, because theres a lot of information i need to process, but I'll still write and I'll still text and watch over the house while he's gone since I practically live there at this point but I cant see him rn.

And I didn't! Until he got out of rehab, of course and it was back to "Bojack and Jackson against the world!" And "Let's move! Go somewhere different get a change of scenery!" And we did. He got that job at the university and I! Stayed with him, ever the loyal boyfriend. (Until in getting calls from a reporter and suddenly we're trying to figure out what shitty thing he did before the reporter calls and Oh. It's about Sarah Lynn and Oh!! Thus is certainly new information I wasn't told about! Fuck.)

After the interview- the second one- it was...complicated. I didn't want to leave but i also recognized that i needed to. For now, to let him deal with the aftermath of his mistakes because if he came to me- and he did- he'd be looking for reassurances I couldn't give him. We got into a really bad argument, it was moreso implied that we weren't dating anymore, neither of us said it but we both walked away and that was the last time we spoke.

It's so funny that you asked abt The View From Halfway Down because I was literally just thinking about that episode the other day and if he would've called me and not Diane and honestly! Yea. He did! Tho he called me. Twice that day, once before, after he left Angela's house, and again before he got back in the pool- I picked up the first time but he was pretty much incomprehensible and I couldn't pick up the second time so when I called back and he didn't answer I was. Quick to panic. (I was right for being worried too, all things considered)

And then he went to jail. And we didn't see eachother again until PC's wedding (bonded a lot with her, during that break up period. It was hard y'know? But she got it. Also I was Helping Babysit with Todd, she was rlly making me rethink my opinion on adopting a kid)

We didn't start dating right away tho, but we did start hanging out again? So that was a bonus!

[antis-hell]

hi! im not endo as far as i know, but id like to know your specific views on endogenics if youre willing to share! its a topic im really curious about because i dont know a lot, so im sorry its such a weird and random question. im not trying to start discourse and i will be disrespectful towards you. /gen

i can share mine with you if youd like!!

if you cant think of anything, i have some specific ones i can ask:

do you think some headmates can form without trauma as the cause? what about endogenics do you feel is wrong or problematic? would you be respectful towards endogenic members or endogenic systems as a whole?

i have more if youd like to share ^^

It's not weird dw! I can use this post to clean up any misunderstanding that we have on our stance:)

In short, we're endo neutral and anti misinformation. The long answer is a bit more complicated, but that is the vibe of it.

The answer your questions tho, yes, we think that headmates can form/split without trauma, but the original creation of the amnesia barriers(I.e creation of the system) has to be caused by trauma. This doesn't have to be horrific trauma, though. I know people whose systems split simply because they grew up autistic or neurodivergent in a family that didn't understand how to accommodate for that. What is traumatising to one person may be completely fine to another, and that's ok!

This question is a tricky one to answer, but I'll try my best(sorry if I get some words wrong). While I feel that the existence of endos isn't problematic in itself, it's when they start supporting ideas that are harmful or anti recovery and start to take terms from trauma survivors and make them about themselves (see. System hopping). This is when I feel I line is crossed. But most endos I've met are genuinely nice people and are really respectful, so I understand that those people mentioned above are a minority.

And the last one, yes, absolutely. Unless someone comes onto our turf and actively insults us, then we honestly don't really care if you believe in whatever. Being respectful is something that is normal for all of us unless you are acting maliciously towards us. And then you can expect the use of a fun little button called block and some low jabs:)

I'd also like to add that if someone comes on here and spreads misinformation, they will also receive this treatment, although with less aggression. I'd also like to mention that if you genuinely believe that you've had a completely non traumatic life and you're a system, good for you! You get the best parts of being a system without the ptsd. I hope you have a nice life like that, but please, please, please don't speak over people who have had a rough life talking about how hard it is being a system, I've seen this way too much and it gets kinda tiring.

Lastly, I'd like to reiterate what is mentioned in our intro. we'd like to keep the people that follow us mostly traumagenic. This is mostly for the reasons just stated above, but anyone respectful is welcome to interact if they want.

I hope this helps answer your questions! Sorry if I worded anything wrong. I'm a bit tired rn lol.

-anti💚🗡

[marsixm]

edit sorry this post is both long (if the readmore fails i am truly truly sorry) & longwinded im just reflecting and thinking; (another edit: u can probably just read the tl dr and get it)

anyway allow me to spin some very personally based theory here for a mo while i put off/warm my fingers up from the cold in preparation to email my therapist

so growing up i had, i think only, het ships, but i never quite had the ones you were (narratively speaking) “supposed to” have

in most media i recall when i was a kid, there were like, 2 diff structures of character romance plot arcs in media i consumed, there was the main lead and 2 best friends model, where thered be the star of the show who had outside romantic leads and the 2 best friends (who were always a boy and a girl) would have their secondary romance, OR there were ensemble shows where there was a more clear romance set up between the main boy and main girl, then side characters whod pair off in whatever ways ended up happening. in the first, see: hannah montana, the second, see: zoey 101. obv this isnt a hard rule and there were loads of exceptions but like, lets just say i tended not to care for the romances set up for the main girls in the trio models, or quite as hard for the main boy and girl in the ensembles, and in general if there was an obvious romance between two leads i either didnt care or outright hated it

basically i never liked the ships they set up for us in straight media, as a kid (namely, a girl) i liked being that “ew pink!” “i hate valentines day” sort of contrarian, but what i remember actually disliking was the predictability of it, because i clearly still shipped characters, so it wasnt /really/ that i hated romance, per se

looking back on it i think it was probably or at least to a degree more like that i hated the hetero expectation of it- i can nit pick down to more specific examples of why i disliked the main pairings (kataang, for example, i thought was weird bc katara acted like a mother/older sister figure to aang, and i didnt feel like there was romance between them at all except where it felt shoehorned in) - maybe it was also that i thought it made more sense for a main character to be with someone they clearly already spent a lot of time with and not some random new hot boy in town (i very distinctly remember shipping miley and oliver on hannah montana, and i believe that was the first time i ever read fanfiction @ age like... 11 lol) as is often the case w like these things.

theres another level to this though, which is that i notice i tended to ship characters who were more vaguely similar to each other, like, physically (ie, similar heights, or hair colors mainly) obviously this is funny now since my main pairing is johnlock which is such a physically different ship we can construct them from basic shapes and colors and theyre still recognizable as who they are, but i have some thoughts about this- but i think there might be two interesting things about this again in retrospect

first of all, this sounds silly ik, but shipping the vaguely similar ones as a child’s way of queering heterosexuality is an interesting concept and not that difficult, like, two boys are also vaguely similar to each other in a similar way a boy and a girl with the same hair color and height might be, which is something i thought of a while ago

the other way in which this is really interesting to me now, that i think might have been more actually pertinent to myself as a trans child, is that i think i shipped the characters i did in an attempt to morph the concept of boy and girl? to find the boy counterpart to every girl??? that second one makes more sense actually. anyway, i digress

2 start off i definitely had gender feelings starting from a very young age so i think these observations ring more true than just reflections, PERHAPS

so the first thing i remember shipping, ie wanting them to be together, thinking about it an inordinate amount of time outside watching the films, even imagining them eating ice cream together in their pjs (i was NINE DHFJGghfkg) was jack sparrow & elizabeth swan from potc (basically my franchise of choice as a kid bc i never read harry potter) now this doesnt quite fit the “visually similar” thing bc actually orlando bloom looks more like kiera knightly and is prob due to them like making out in one movie, but i think this works for the “shipping as gender expression” theory, because elizabeth swan dressed up as a boy, spent most of that movie wearing boy’s clothes, etc- meanwhile jack was a wacky pirate which like hello duh i’d want to be. so i wonder if beyond the fact that they kissed and flirted, there was something to this concept of me wanting two characters to be together, meant i wanted to marry together two conceptual things happening with two characters, or absorb the cool dude and the boyish girl characters into each other to make one whole archetype for myself? i likewise shipped aang and toph (toph who, normally doesnt really have anyone to be shipped with, since she likes sokka but he has a gf) who we all know is the VERY boyish girl character, so boyish im p sure her actually being a trans dude later in life is a p decently accepted headcanon (i dont actually delve into aatla fandom though so i can only hope) 

another thing about this ship thing, is most of my ships had brown hair (like miley and oliver), just like i always have, and in certain cases the girl character would look a LOT like me (i also shipped logan and quinn on zoey 101, which to my surprise n delight actually came true later (although looking back im like... 11 yr old me is glad they made out a lot but adult me is like uhhh why were the kids on this show making out a lot? anyway thats another issue) and i def was a weirdo girl with glasses and long brown wavy hair) which sort of further fuels my feeling that this was an attempt by my brain to do 1 of 2 things, if my own involvement really was a greater motivating factor in this thing, 1. ship MYSELF with a boy (which is like def possible for my gay kinnie ass, but not quite my thesis here) or 2. morph these boy and girl counterparts by imagining them together, seeing them together, etc

for example, i realize now, when i was a kid i drew an avatar sona for myself and said sona looked an awful lot like how id imagine a katara/zuko fusion would be, and the fact that i shipped zutara (very hard lol) was what lead me down this thought path rn

i feel like even to me this concept sounds weird and far fetched but like, gem fusion made enough sense for someone to write with its clearly, usually, romantic implications and we all “get” that, so whom knows???

another thing ive noticed while writing this is for a good few of these ships you can argue the boys in them can be read gay, like jack sparrow and zuko and aang, which feels even more strongly like me trying to marry my gay boy feelings to my tomboy realities [thinking emoji]

the biggest reason i think this makes sense to me is because when i was 10 i became obsessed with the idea that this boy i was friends with and i were secretly twins separated at birth, like i was so into the concept that we looked alike, i like hoped and wished so hard for it to be true, i wished a christmas miracle would happen for fucking real and a magic door in my house would open and be his new room and itd all work out perfectly! and you might think this was a manifestation of my difficulties with my family and wishing to leave it, but in my dream world my parents were still my parents and he came to live with us- which makes me think the obsession of ME looking like this BOY was a manifestation of my gender feelings, which i think can maybe be traced to this concept of pairing a visually similar, possibly gay, brunette boy to every brunette and/or tomboyish girl

anyway. if you actually read all of this id love it if you lmk somehow (doesnt need to be a like) like this is clearly very long and strange but i hope it makes sense. i think i stop myself a lot from ever commenting on gender or theory or whatever but i am a living breathing trans person who has experienced things and i have opinions and i dont think im claiming anything destructive with this lol i think its not unusual to reflect on the way you interacted with the world as a gay/trans kid

also im obviously not saying that shipping straight things is somehow inherently queer, im not trying to retroactively claim something about straight ships, like, those two characters are still functionally straight, and i definitely also shipped probably all of them for normal shipping reasons (although, kid ones, so less “oh theres a lot of ACTUAL romantic subtext between these two” but rather “oh theyre friends and would be cute together!” (or like they kissed and i was like O: )) but im just trying to theorize about something its possible my tiny trans brain was trying to express- and who knows maybe im not the only one!

anyway i guess the TL;DR is: when i was a kid i had a lot of “unconventional” straight ships- i already observed that i eschewed the main canon pairings in kids media in what was probably my tiny baby brains rejection of hetero culture, but i also actively shipped side characters who looked like me, and also looked like each other (ie, both tall and brunette, a boy and girl counterpart of Each Other) OR characters who seemed to be a gayish boy and a tomboyish girl, and im theorizing that maybe the reason that was was my tiny trans brain wanting to gem fusion those two together because of my Gender Feelings and fuse the boy with the girl and this desire manifested in shipping therefore thinking about a lot these pairings of boy and girl counterparts

[horikou]

hey bestie i'm here w/ a reqs >:3

so could the reader be ftm, pronouns of he/him plz! genre fluff/crack, and could the plot be how each of the blue period characters would take you out on a date? headcanaons please! have a great day hun, love ya! <3

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐀𝐑𝐓

pairing : various blue period characters x male reader (ftm)

summary : just a headcanon where you dating our beloved blue period characters

type : fluff / headcanon

warnings : smoking, dysphoria

note : OKAY SO!! i didnt read the "take you on date" so this headcanon is more of general dating headcanon aaa, im so sorry!! this might not turn out that good because im not experienced on writing ftm reader, so this might be more of a male reader but i tried my best albsosjs so i hope you like it zeph ! this might be a bit ooc since i havent rewatched bp for a pretty long time hshshs </3 (new: this is very old and its very shitty im so sorry)

YATORA YAGUCHI

very very sweet boyfriend.

if you had problems with your grades or a subject you dont understand, he will helped you with it.

boy, he is smart, im jealous.

anyway, he never really told you about what he always do on very early morning, but you somehow find out.

you would scold him for smoking, and he would apologise by hugging you or a peck on your cheek.

" im sorry [name] i promise i wouldn't do that again, pls don't tell my mom " yatora said as he peck your cheek.

a comforting boyfriend.

everytime you feel sad or dysphoric, he will be there for you, cuddling you, maybe even watch movie or something.

comfort kisses all over your face.

he will not push you to tell him what makes you felt this way.

" it's okay [name], im here with you now. "

he has a whole sketchbook full of drawings of you.

he was scared when you found this book and will think that he's creepy, but it seems like you loved the drawings so much, he was glad that you liked it — instead of being creeped out.

RYUJI AYUKAWA

(im gonna use they/them pronouns for yuka, since yuka is genderqueer based on lgbt characters wikia)

you both always there for each other.

when you felt dysphoric, they will be there to comfort you.

when yuka feel sad (mainly because of their family problems) you will be there for them.

both of you are kind of similiar in some way.

and that makes you guys closer.

you guys understand each other feelings so well.

shopping date with yuka !

when you guys on a date, you two will mostly go shopping.

yuka will choose your clothes and you will choose their clothes.

" [name] ! try this one out ! "

yuka taste on clothes are so good you cant change my mind.

yuka has an instagram account (over 120K folls if i could remember) and there are many posts of theirs that has you in it, mostly selfies while on date.

yuka has an instagram story highlight dedicated for you only.

their grandma loves you so much.

she sometimes asked you — when you are visiting yuka — some questions that mostly flutter you.

she also sometimes saying that she can't wait to see you and yuka married.

" when are you two will get married ? "

" i can't wait to see yuka marrying you, a handsome young man, in the future. "

i got doraemon stan by me 2 flashback aaaa—

HARUKA HASHIDA

strange but lovely guy.

you probably met in an art museum or tokyo art institute.

dates mostly eating/buy drinks first at a cafe or restaurant, and then went to an art museum or somewhere calm.

you know that he has a weird fetish on art, but you thought that its unique.

hashida definitely hiding something in him, like how he express his arts, you know that there is something going on with him.

you always ask if he's alright and he will said like,

" im okay, no need to worry about me, [name] "

and laugh it off.

i havent read the manga yet but im sure there is something going on with this dude.

whenever you feel dysphoric or sad, he will let you talk about it and listen to you, if he can, give an advice or comfort talks.

if you dont want to talk about it, its fine to him.

he looks like a cuddly guy to me.

he probably will went to you from behind without you knowing and just hug you out of nowhere to scare you.

" ah, sorry love, didn't mean to scare you like that~ "

he knows what he just did.

teasing you like alot.

he let you braid or do his hair, he likes it when your hand caressing his hair, its comforting.

YOTASUKE TAKAHASHI

first week when you guys started dating is kinda awkward.

he is pretty shy, but also kind of blunt.

he often says things from his head without explaining the other what he meant.

he is scared if he accidentally said something that doesnt sounds like what he meant to you.

he is scared to accidentally hurt your feelings :(

he is pretty bad at showing his feelings, and you understand.

he mostly shows affection by holding hands or hugs.

he is still shy about kissing you.

when you felt dysphoric or sad, he panicked.

he is bad at comforting and he doesnt know what to do.

he ended up just hold your hands the whole time while either you talk about what happen or cry out your feelings.

" im sorry if i am.. bad at comforting you, i will do better next time "

doesnt really enjoy pda, but holding hands are okay for him.

its hard for him to say " i love you ", so he will caressing your hand with his thumb — while holding hands — three times, meaning that he loves you and he is there for you.

his mother is very sweet to you.

she sees you like her child (or in law).

him and his mom often talks about you on dinner.

mostly saying things like,

" isn't he the perfect guy. "

" im glad that he and you are doing well with your relationship "

" he is such a gentleman is he? "

and my man yotasuke right here, just nod with a red blushing face.

MAKI KUNAWA

shes very sweet and caring.

if you feel sad or dysphoric, she will give you a lot affection.

like, hugs, kisses, comfort talks, and she also gives you some foods.

" let it all out [name], its okay "

lunch dates!

everytime its lunch time, you two will meet at a spot and have lunch just the two of you.

she often share foods with you.

she is pretty emotional and lack of self confidence in her abilities because her sister.

you are one of those people that maki feel comfortable to when she talks about her life.

you compliments her a lot from her arts, or things that she did.

your compliments always made her days better.

i love her sm ksbsks i want to hug her so bad.

© HORIKOU ✦ do not copy, repost, or modify my works.

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

hi mara, i hope you dont mind this long wall of text but i wanted you to know you have helped me understand myself somehow, your art and rants about your faith and what you believe really connected with me and everything makes so much more sense now - thank you so much mara i couldnt thank you enough, i finally feel heard and recognized its so amazing ;; ive asked lots of meaningless questions in your inbox and every time i get a reply i feel cared about - thank you; (i dont know if this is all weird to say::i just wanted to tell you q____q sorry if it is) i hope everything is going okay for you nowadays. - another thing that might be weird but i feel like your posts are more positive now than they were when i first found your profiles; im happy to see that. youre a very kind person mara, thank you for existing

hello, anonymous, i don:t mind -- but i don:t think you should give me as much credibility as you have. i:m not as amazing as you make me seem, & the understanding you received from me could betray you one day, you know?

here:s a ARCHANGEL:NEMESIS picture w/ some taffy i bought recently (i made myself visit a friend & i had a really nice time); more blogging below.

i:ve been more positive lately because, after canceling my psychiatrist appointment, i decided i needed to try to fundamentally change who i am + put in more effort to my goals (this sounds more grander than it really is). mostly just: helping my mom out proactively & cleaning the whole house, studying something every day 4 an allotted time, keeping anime watching on a schedule, & making myself draw regularly <- this is all super minor stuff, but it:s been really helpful to making days seem less terrifying.

i:ve also been more willing to confront who i am in terms of aspects i:ve always been really ashamed about; there was this comic i read called arigatou that helped me a lot with owning aspects of myself -- instead of lying to myself about them. stemming off of that: i confronted/ended every relationship that secretly made me unhappy but i was too people-pleasing to end. telling that anonymous that i thought they were a cockroach was a part of that: i need to work on being honest, & being clear when i am upset/uncomfortable, instead of nurturing these rotting relationships like they:ll one day bear a good fruit.

it made me much happier, i think -- i:m still pretty miserable, but i:m more happy with myself. anyways, take care, anonymous, & keep on existing, too, ok?

[kiveruu]

this is my favorite panel in the entirety of the no.6 manga, my explaination/attempt at a character study under the cut

first: context.

shion trying his damn hardest to negotiate with nezumi. he doesnt care where he has to go because he would go to the ends of the earth and back for nezumi. nezumi says that shion should stay back because he's the kind of person that values security unlike nez. nezumi sees that shion has a large range of emotions in different circumstances but seemingly doesn't realize that both examples he gives (shion being "ruthless" in the correctional facility, and now him crying) are because of HIM. while yes shion does overall show more outward emotions than nez, most of what nez has seen from him is because shion cares about him.

at this point shion realizes that his negotiation attempts arent getting him anywhere and this is absolutely his last ditch effort to stay with nez somehow someway. he tells him very directly that he's begging him not to leave him and that a world without nezumi means nothing to him. hes trying to get nez to understand just how important he is to shion's life, so that maybe, just maybe nez will reconsider leaving. nezumi reacts by teasing shion as he usually does but with the softest expression on his face, seriously there is never another point in the manga that he looks this sincere and theres so much love in his eyes. but he knows he has to leave for shion's sake. because he wants shion to be happy and not have to worry about anything anymore, especially not because of him.

and then!! the iconic Kiss.. and then we get to the panel that inspired this whole post. shion initially is shocked that nez kisses him, but he realizes that theres a good chance this would be the last time he would see him. and hes still upset about nez leaving (you can see the tears in his eyes and the conflict that must be going thru his head) but he knows he's gonna have to come to terms with nez leaving because hes just as stubborn as shion is.

so FINALLY talking about this panel itself, the first thing that always strikes me is shion holding nezumi's arm, its as if thats his final non-verbal communication saying "please, dont go" and even tho he knows that wont happen theres part of him that just really hopes it will. he doesn't want to let go of nez, physically or otherwise. he doesnt want this moment to end but he knows it has to. nezumi holding shion's head/neck(?) is such an obvious indicator of just how much he loves shion. its as if he himself doesnt want to leave shion either, but he's convinced himself that its for the best. but just like shion doesnt want to let go of nezumi, nez doesnt wanna let go of him either. presumably hes holding shion with both of his hands, in which case shion is probably holding nez's other arm too. they both have just barely gotten to experience and really process the feelings and love they have for each other and now that they have, they dont want to stop. you cant even see their eyes in this panel but i can practically hear nezumi saying "im sorry" and shion crying. i like to imagine that after this, nezumi held shion close and let him cry on his shoulder for a minute before either of them actually let go. its a bittersweet goodbye.

and then of course the infamous promise of "reunion will come shion" while nez gives him the sweetest most loving soft smile ever. which gives shion the reassurance he needed to feel okay with nez leaving. he knows how serious nezumi is about promises so he knows he'll keep it. its a promise that they'll meet again. and this is probably the most expressive nezumi is in the entire manga. he wants shion to know that he really means it so he stops putting up his usual tough guy front. he needs shion to know he will come back and he will see him again. in a weird roundabout way thats like nez saying "i love you" to shion.

[sistervirtue]

okay so im seeing people get anons about this and its coming up in friend groups so i think now's actually a pretty good time to tackle the idea of religious (specifically cultic) abuse in media and how we as an audience interact with it

TLDR: dehumanization and sexualization of cult victims furthers the misunderstanding that cults "don't exist now", and RA survivors would feel much safer in fandom spaces if people acknowledged and analyzed the harmful portrayals of cults in media.

cw: discussions of cults, abuse, and sexual assault

also, if you have questions, please shoot me an ask or dm (off anon preferably, though)

let me start this with a disclaimer that i dont think every media that features ra is inherently bad. i think thats a bit harsh and as an ra survivor ive come to terms with the fact that there are going to be depictions of it in ways that maybe dont give it the respect it deserves, and trying to "what about [x]" everything will only lead people to talking in circles with themselves. what i want to address here is how you, as a consumer, respond to and parse out what cultic abuse means in any particular portrayal of it.

*also please don't harass people about their RAS status, like, if you see someone enjoying something with a less than stellar portrayal of cults, don't send them asks or dms like "well are YOU a cult survivor?" reducing the consumption of media to a yes or no game based on identity-- especially an identity that comes as the result of explicit pain and spiritual violation is not only derivative but also degrading to survivors and the people you're grilling. all we want is for people to think carefully about what they spread and portray, and how they think about those situations.

so, i think the first thing to tackle is...what is a cult? This is something that's surprisingly hard to define, especially in fictional settings with fictional cults. For example, (and pardon the use of this example, I don't feel like hunting for others), My Hero Academia has an organization in it that I would say fits the criteria for being a cult, but by and large isn't considered one by fans because it's not explicitly called a cult. (Although numerous cult jokes have been made about it). It also has an organization that IS explicitly referred to as a cult.

So, when you're dealing with how to process what is and is not a cult-- and how to make your presence safe for RA survivors, you have to be able to sift through more than just "did the narrative tell me this is a cult?"

There's a few different models people use; one of the most popular being the BITE model-- but I should clarify that the BITE model is really tailored towards religious and strictly hierarchal cults, but can be applied to other kinds of cults.

(and yes, there are cults other than religious/spiritual ones. corporate cults and wellness cults have been on the rise, and it's good to keep that in mind both when engaging with media and also in the real world.)

However, I'm a religious cult survivor, so a lot of my experience is strictly irt this, so please take what I say with a grain of salt, and know that I don't speak for every cult survivor, every religious cult survivor, or every religious abuse survivor. I am One Guy on the internet.

When it comes to media, I have a few questions I run through in order to figure out if something is A Cult.

1) Fringe Ideas. This one is one of those that most people know-- and often incorrectly use to attribute cult status to other things. However, it is worth mentioning, that you don't become a cult by following mainstream ideologies. BUT. BUT. not every group with weird ideas is a cult! Some groups are just weird and are fine being weird. It's a rectangles and squares situation. All cults have fringe ideas and behaviors, not all fringe ideas and behaviors belong to cults.

2) Hierarchies. Cults always have people in power, at least in my experience. There have been ideas thrown around about "completely decentralized cults"-- but to be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about that concept, and I don't know enough about it personally to say whether or not it's legitimate. If you have any sources, hmu.

BUT. Most cults have a power structure. You're going to have leaders, usually with a handful at the verrrrry tippy top, whose word is law. This can be associated with things like religious ideas (channelling god) or being "a genius", like in corporate cults.

3) Control. I cannot stress this enough; cults are all about control. How you think, feel, behave-- they discourage critical thought, encourage snitching on each other, buddy-group behavior; the BITE model explicitly lists these models of control.

4) Us V Them. Cults will give all those that oppose them or simply don't believe them a bad name. They're uneducated, they're evil-- it varies cult to cult, but you'll see them turning the non believers into a homogenous, frightening group. They want to discourage looking outwards, and they want to viciously isolate members.

Other things of note are extremism, talks of enlightenment, harsh punishments, the cult eating large portions of the member's finances, etc.

However, this post is largely to address FICTIONAL cults. and the unfortunate fact of the matter is that fictional cults are rarely fleshed out in a way that can be held one to one to a model, and, more often, don't even afford the victims of a cult humanity.

and this is one of THE biggest issues you find in cult portrayals. the leader is usually a charismatic, or perhaps menacing, figure, one that usually our protagonists-- who are rarely cult victims, they are typically outsiders (not inherently bad, mind you)-- faces personally, with the hoardes of mindless zombies forming one giant hurdle.

Naturally, this can be...hurtful. There's nuance to who is and is not a victim in a cult (although my rule of thumb is to look at what abuses that person specifically exerts over others-- and you can be both a victim and perpetrator of abuse. to treat them exclusively is lacking all nuance), but the people are the bottom, even if they joined willingly, are people who were preyed upon. Not only that, but many media cults forget that people can be born into cults, and never really had a choice to begin with. To treat these people like they are mindless-- or that they deserve the suffering they are in because they are there-- completely erases all nuance, humanity, and understanding to the cult survivior struggle. Not only that, but it continues to sensationalize and deify cult leaders, which is doing their job for them, really.

The second biggest issue is the romanticization and sexualization of cults, religious abuse, and cultic abuse.

(yes...this is a thing.)

The use of cults as a way to make a character edgy or tragic is one thing, but there's something sinister about using it to project a certain sexual behavior onto that character-- whether it be as the subjugator or subjugated. Sexual abuse is rampent in cults, and ritualistic sexual abuse is used to justify it. To sexualize the idea of a cult(ist) raping and abusing someone is...beyond offensive to anyone who has been in a cult where their sexual safety and autonomy has been compromised. Or, in some cases, the cultist is so naive and sheltered they can be easily coerced and taken advantage of due to their brainwashing.

This is...bad? This is bad. To ignore the fact that these depictions are just as harmful as any other romanticization of abuse is to ignore the real suffering of cult victims.

Really, the larger problem is that people don't really think cults exist, not really. They're all things of the past, or things that exist solely in fiction-- when in reality, every day cults form and continue to grow. If you've ever met a mormon, you've met a cultist. The moment you begin to process and parce the fact that this isn't as bizarre and unusual and fictional as it seems, you take the steps to respecting people who have been in that situation and become better at detecting cults, cult recruitment, and are able to more clearly assess what you take in.

Once again, there's so many bad portrayal of cults that it would be...stupid to call for an immediate disowning of anything with it in it. I personally have come to terms with the idea that I will have gripes about these portrayals in most cases, but rarely do I see people other than fellow RA or cult survivors discussing these portrayals. I'm hoping people can become more aware and willing to discuss cults in a serious and analytical context and criticize how they're portrayed in the things they love.

And once again, cult survivors are NOT a monolith. If a cult survivor expresses they are uncomfortable with something I said here that I'm not, or vice versa, listen to the people who actively surround you and whom you care about.

[izzyliker]

Hey, asking you this as nicely as I can but can you give the immediate victim blaming a break. The absolute lack of respect you have for the people tmc abused is genuinely disheartening. Yes, he’s a shitty person, you’re entitled to hate him but immediately going “well you should’ve seen it coming earlier lol we’ve been saying this” is just ASTONISHINGLY shortsighted and cruel. Have your opinions about him and the situation all you want I would just ask that you please keep it to yourself due to the many many people he’s hurt that are still on here and can see you disparaging them.

ok, that is not what i have been saying. "well you should've known" is not an accurate summary of my feelings on this matter but apologies if thats how it came across. i have been in an abusive relationship where the person did a lot of the same things and i, too, defended that person without considering how it impacted other people. i almost lost my best friend because of how i acted as a result of keeping him in my life while people around me kept telling me to get tf out. i know.

what i am is im frustrated and annoyed by how long people were willing to publicly and passionately defend this guy while apparently fully aware what kind of shit he was doing to other people, many of which is detailed in the callout itself, and how this is now being framed as news. before the document itself was published all me (or anyone) had to go off of was vague posts that amounted to a "callout trailer" and almost all of the information on it was shit that was 100% completely public knowledge. 20+ people being aware of all that goddamn stuff and not one of them publicly stopping associating with him is frustrating. it comes across as spineless and yes, like one anon told GD, gaslighty (although i have my own issues with this being used on a large scale instead of in interpersonal relationships but i understand where they were coming from). his lesbophobia, transphobia (strange that none of the transphobia towards trans men was mentioned?), and panphobia/aphobia/biphobia were widely documented and seeing that on a callout post as if it were news was extremely tiring.

ive since read the callout. the interpersonal actions seem to have been horrible but sadly im not surprised (by which i dont mean "and neither should you" but rather. my spidey senses for this sort of behavior are pretty accurate most of the time and i did see this coming. this isnt me saying im Better than these people or that they shouldve as well but rather that i have learned to identify people of this genre.) by any of them.

also im 75% sure this is tumblr user GD. hello. if not then apologies, its just that the typing here is very similar. if it is, i think you trying to both take accountability for this and process whatever it is youre processing at the same time on tumblr is a bad idea and going to just lead to people feeling hurt and betrayed because while i truly do see where the reaction is coming from (like, truly, i understand, believe me), if you say "i take responsibility for how i acted while being manipulated" but then when people voice their negative feelings you tell them theyre victim blaming you it is going to reflect poorly on you. i dont think you understand how many people were absolutely hurt by the enabling you and your large, massively popular group of friends did for him, including the MASSIVE defense rant you typed up in defense of him when someone sent an ask to the bi jon event about him being panphobic and aphobic. whether its fair for people to expect you to immediately go into depth about it is questionable but dont invite people to do this when you obviously cannot handle it (i dont mean this in a bad way like "oh you should handle it". i mean genuinely this is how you get burnt out and possibly worsen possible future trauma. by trying to immediately placate people without having the mental resources to do so.)

i think the "we dont condone these views and never did!" without ever specifying what they were or doing any other work there is a lazy fucking cop-out. your circle was/is massively popular and a lot of people took all of you as authorities on stuff like headcanons and respectful portrayals of certain characters or identities to the point of accepting your meta as canon (something you havent really dissuaded ever), and associating publicly with someone who would constantly do this kind of shit and then defending him publicly while also positing yourself as an authority isnt something you can just "oops! we never agreed with him!" yourself out of. GD & TF specifically, you are massive blogs. you are babys first TMA blog. people in your askbox hurt and betrayed by this shit are not necessarily there to victim blame you. they are there because they trusted your word when they said "hey seraf reblogged anti pan and anti ace and weird transphobic posts" and you said "seraf is one of my dearest friends and would never do any of those things and im personally offended youd even imply that." i think you dont understand the real life consequences of the massively popular posts and sentiments he made & published and that you helped spread (despite apparently knowing that he was being a massive hypocrite and bigoted towards those groups or identities in his personal life). obviously interpersonal abuse/conflict is going to be "worse" but dear god i hope you collectively understand that "oh btw we never endorsed his views" is a massive copout and a shit apology for the hurt this association and endorsement caused. tmc has been terrorizing this fucking fandom for months with his bullshit and bigotry and you have not been passive bystandars but active enablers.

anyways, hope everyone involved gets to uh, heal i suppose, but i think expecting the people who seraf suicide baited, the groups of trans men he misgendered, the people who he targeted and harassed, the genuine fucking long lasting dysphoria he caused real people to have over his shitty takes re: transness and dysphoria, and the general shit behavior he was allowed to keep up with zero pushback from anyone in his circle of the fandom to drop all the anger or frustration they have for the people who enabled him and defended him aggressively is... unrealistic. and makes you look bad. especially when the doc doesnt even clarify which opinions you still support.

[gullethead]

what is your opinion on tamsyn muir discourse (and also what is the discourse)

THANK you. okay warning for discussion of fictional sexual assault, real life CSA (not something she did), plus 2012-era homestuck fandom typical stuff

please rb this btw, unless you dont want to, in which case dont. also if you have any corrections or additional information to consider please add by all means

disclaimer: im not in the habit of writing essays defending whichever internet personalities i like. ill admit theres potential bias, given that i read the books before i learned about this, but im really being as objective as possible and i just think people are taking a misguided or half-formed stance on this. if you still dislike her or w/e after this thats, like, perfectly in your rights. im not defending an adult woman on the internet, im explaining the facts as ive seen them and understand them. additional disclaimer that i havent experienced sexual assault at all myself

okay so tamsyn muir is currently well-known as the author of the locked tomb trilogy (aka gideon the ninth and harrow the ninth), but for a certain section of tumblr shes also well known as urbanAnchorite, and used to be a big name fan on here up until around 2014 - pretty close to everything here is going to be from roughly 2011 through 2014, except for an interview im gonna get into, so 7-10 years ago. i was only vaguely aware of her until after i got into the locked tomb and saw people talking about this. with that in mind:

so the MAJORITY of the discourse revolves around a single fic she wrote on AO3. her account has 19 works in homestuck, and some of them are Kinda Weird to Pretty Bad in retrospect, but being completely honest this is the only one that isnt completely stock standard for homestuck fandom in that time period. like if we started casting stones about ten year old fandom stuff we'd be here all day

here is the fic (warning for CSA)

in most of the posts about it ive seen, theyve described it as a "rapefic," but actually reading it, it's a lot more nuanced than that description implies. its a dark story where a grown man abuses a girl, from the man's perspective, and the story ends with him being killed by her friend. the description of the assault is treated very seriously by the story and barely even touches on any actual sex, before immediately cutting to him being killed. its lolita if humbert got shot to death; the title itself comes FROM lolita

(sidenote - it was inspired by a prompt on kinkmeme, but that doesn't really mean anything vis a vis being intended for sexual enjoyment, and according to the note actually went against the spirit of the request)

ive seen fics, lots and lots of fics, that would qualify as the term "rapefic." it tends to be pretty fucking obvious when someone is using sexual assault as a fetish, and this is Not That

tamsyn herself actually responded to this in an excellent interview early last year. she gets into some Fandom Mom type language, but essentially says what i said above. in it, she also says this:

It’s not the first time I’ve been accused of being a paedophile. I grew up gay in the nineties. Homosexuality and paedophilia were enmeshed in society’s minds. When I came out, I got told that I shouldn’t be around children. I was used to that because it was common discourse, and it hurt like all hell, but it didn’t shock me. When I got called a paedophile by Twitter I got clotheslined. My support network had to get in pronto. I was very ready to have a hot date with a length of rope, a date I have arranged and cancelled multiple times over my life. I have had lots and lots of therapy over the years for various conditions, some of them lifelong and some not, but when that Twitter call-out happened it was hard to want to live. I thought I knew so intimately what I was doing with my fiction; my therapist was always so supportive of me writing about it. I have not been open about being a CSA survivor because, again, I grew up in the ‘90s. ‘Lesbian’ and ‘CSA survivor’ is just carte blanche so a whole queue of people can tell you, I HOPE ONE DAY, WITH LOVE AND SUPPORT, YOU CAN BE STRAIGHT. It was like, right this way to the invalidation booth. I didn’t even tell most of my girlfriends! I told one! It’s not a topic of discussion between me and my family; I am relying on them not reading my interviews so it can remain where it belongs: thoroughly undiscussed!

with this context it becomes... a lot more nuanced of a topic. an author who experienced CSA in addition to growing up in a cultural climate where gay people were pedophiles by default, especially growing up catholic in a rural community, wrote a work about childhood sexual assault (which also happened to be fanfiction) as a way of working through it for herself, which is... something a lot of artists do with their art? and in return she got a massive blowback on twitter accusing her of pedophilia and demanding she talk about a massively traumatic moment in her life

this is the major sticking point of the discourse, im not gonna get into anything else on this post, but this is my view of it. if you disagree or have anything to add then feel free to add on. again, i know what it looks like, but im not trying to uncritically defend a stranger just cause i like her book. this is the conclusion i came to after doing a lot of digging for myself