#plus a trip to the doctor is SO STUPID EXPENSIVE

[iamblueraspberry]

My jaw has been hurting ALL DAY today and it has been MISERABLE.

I had a burrito for lunch and it really hurt to chew. I could barely even eat my dinner 'cause it hurt so much, and ibuprofen hasn't done a whole lot to help with the pain (my sibling told me I probably haven't taken enough but I'm too scared to take more than 2 pills at a time).

I feel kind of dumb for not getting it checked out but my jaw almost ALWAYS hurts so I thought the pain would lessen throughout the day (like it does sometimes on other days) but it didn't.

I think it maybe might be dislocated but I'm not sure?????? I didn't even do anything to hurt it though???????? I dunno and it's really freaking me out.

It's super late right now (it's after 1 am) so I can't go to a doctor to get it checked out.

I'm gonna keep an eye on things and see if things feel better in the morning. If it doesn't get better I'm gonna see if I can go in to my doctor's to get it looked at.

Wish me luck y'all.

[chanlixformysoul]

Sounds easy, right? [ Chanlix ]

rating: mature

word count: 2217

chapter: 1

next chapter: 2

summary:

➥ Felix was sent to kill Chan but he got hurt and now Chan is nursing Felix back to health, they might also fall in love on the way.

song recommendation:

estimated reading time: 17.1 minutes

ົཽ⁎⁺˳✧༚˚✧₊⁎❝᷀ົཽ≀ˍ̮ ❝᷀ົཽ⁎⁺˳✧༚˚

It wasn't supposed to be like this. Felix would sneak his way in, kill Chan and get his goddamn money.

But oh boy he was in for a ride. The 'Big Boss' as people would call him wasn't that big nor great at all, he was just the co-CEO of the company, one position away from being the big CEO. His brother, Chan's dad, died besides his mother 7 years ago in a car accident , leaving Chan as CEO of the company. The Big Boss used Felix whenever he wanted to, but he never put Felix in a position like this before, to kill a person. He knew that if he disobeyed the Big Boss he would get beaten up and tortured, plus he would never get the money promised back and the fact that he was a cat hybrid didn't help either. The Big Boss told Felix to kill Chan, he would sneak in his house and get rid of him because he needed to not because he wanted to.

Sounds easy, right?

Well it actually isn't, not when Felix tripped because the welcome mat at the entrance was crooked sending his head into the door with a loud thump sound. As he tried to get away fast he lost his balance and was sent once again flying down the big and grand staircase. The door immediately opened, revealing a distressed looking man, shirt halfway undone and one shoe off. Felix knew Chan rushed outside because of the noise that he made but he couldn't help but admire his figure.

'Hey buddy, care to explain?' Chan said as he crossed his arms one over another raising his eyebrows.

'I umm... actually.... sorry, I gotta go.' But little did he know that falling down a huge staircase can do this much. Pain started to shoot from his ankles to his ribs and back. The big impact with the door sure left it's mark as he felt blood dripping from his blonde locks to his eyebrows. He pulled himself from the ground, trying to not make a fool out of himself more than he actually did earlier, wincing and shooting silent cuss words at himself for being so goddamn stupid.

Before he could walk down the street, he wanted to run but he weighed his options and he knew that if he started running it was only a matter of two steps before he came crashing to the ground once again.

He was about to do his second step but suddenly a hand on his shoulder stopped him.

'What the heck happened to you?'

'Oh... as I said I have to go, sorry.'

'You're not going anywhere, not with that head of yours.'

Felix couldn't believe what just happened, he screwed up the mission. He could say goodbye to this month's rent, goodbye to any decent meal he would allow himself to buy with the money check. Maybe if Big Boss would have some mercy he could leave him and not kill him, maybe he would understand, but deep down Felix knew he was gonna be tortured again by the thoughts of affording to even live when he opens his eyes every morning.

He couldn't stop trembling and his legs started shaking with fear of being killed by Big Boss because of his failed mission. Before he knew it he started crying, like full on sobbing and at last collapsed to the ground leaving a distressed Chan picking him up and urgently calling his doctor to come see the boy.

Chan was confused, really confused. This boy, he wanted to do something, right? But at the same time he couldn't help but feel a little weird because of the younger one. He had such a pretty face, rosy cheeks accompanied by constellations of freckles, lips that looked like petals of the rarest and finest flower you could find on earth. Chan found himself admiring the boy after the doctor left. As the doctor said it there weren't such serious issues but it wasn't something little either. The paper entitled prescription was long and let's say not even close to Felix's budget.

Chan kept a washing cloth by his side all the time, slowly stroking the youngest arms and forehead. He placed Felix on his bed justifying his actions in his head saying 'the couch is too small'. As he was making his way to the kitchen,Chan saw a little head that popped up in his bed. He made sure to bring the glass of water and the pills that the doctor prescribed. Felix woke up, and by that he knew he had officially fucked up real hard.

He tried to escape the blanket, kicking it off of him but the pain started once again as well. His ribs, back, legs, head and ankles hurt like hell. As he cleared his vision he saw Chan... he was done for sure.

'Hi there, I see that you woke up. Don't worry just stay in bed and take these. Oh and the bill for the medication, I took care of it.' He simply said smiling while placing the pills and water down on the nightstand.

Felix immediately came to his senses when Chan sat besides him on the bed. He tried to get off the bed but he was once again stopped but this time not only by the immense pain, but by strong arms.

'Where are you going?'

'To my house? I didn't ask for your kindness you know? You could've just let me be on the ground. It would've been better that way for the both of us trust me.' Felix said with no emotion in his voice.

'Hey, you can go to your home once you will recover, I'm not letting you out like this especially at this hour.' That made Felix turn his head for the nearest thing that indicated time only to read it as 11:34 pm. Fucking great isn't it. He knew the busses wouldn't be out that late and he knew that from this wealthy neighbourhood to his small apartment was an immense distance that he couldn't travel by foot.

'At least tell me your name, mines Chan.'

'Felix...'

'That's a cute name, Felix.' Chan said while trying to get the younger one to look at him in the eyes. He was getting closer and closer until he saw that Felix was crying once again.

'Hey what's wrong? Did I make you uncomfortable?'

'I failed, I'm gonna be left in the streets again, I'm so sorry. Please let me go, please. I'm a bad person, you don't want me here.' Felix continued sobbing, putting his hands to cover up his face and turning his head so Chan couldn't look at him.

'No you're not a bad person, Felix. If you want you can stay here with me, I'm always lonely, I rarely go out because of my work. I'm either at work or at home. You can stay with me for as long as you want to, I won't force you, just come here...' Chan says looking at Felix with gentleness in his eyes before climbing over the mattress to hug the youngest little frame.

'It's okay, Lix, I'm here you don't need to worry'

'Why are you being nice to me? I was supposed to do a bad thing to you.' He says sniffing and letting more tears fall down.

'Felix, I like you, that's why I'm being nice to you, I want you to stay with me, please tell me what's wrong' Chan said, voice trembling, not knowing what to do.

'Please don't hit me or do something, your uncle s-send me to kill you, I didn't want to but he would torture me if I didn't and I wouldn't get the money, I need the money so I can live, I'm sorry ' Felix sobbed harder than before as he looked at Chan. Chan shifted, Felix immediately twitched expecting a slap and then to be beaten up and thrown away just like Big Boss's men do with him all the time, Felix was shaking so much he fell out the bed into the hard and expensive wood flooring. His back started hurting more but that didn't matter he started to run to the door. Chan was quick and caught him pulling him to his chest.

'Did uncle really say that?'

Felix couldn't even look in Chan's eyes as he nodded. Tears trailed down his cheeks again.

'I'm sorry, I'm going to leave you. I don't have the money for the medication but I will give it to you, I promise just please don't hurt me. I swear I will disappear and you don't have to see me again, I promise...' Felix cried into his hands, his knees starting to give in so he dropped to the floor. He winced in pain as he made contact with the floor. He felt exhausted but he would go to his apartment, he had to.

Chan quickly went down to Felix picking him up while whispering that he's not mad at him and that he is just a little shocked. Felix was still saying that he didn't need to be carried, he just wanted to go home but Chan insisted that he will have to stay here till his pain is gone. Felix being exhausted physically and emotionally he agreed. Chan carried Felix to his bed placing him gently on it.

'Let's sleep for now, we will talk tomorrow,ok?'

'It's ok' said Felix going down on the floor again, this time intentionally. Chan just watched the younger not understanding what he was doing.

'Good night.' Said Felix as he laid on the cold flooring, feeling his back and ribs ache.

'Felix I-' Chan was cut off by Felix.

'Oh sorry, I will go in the living room'

'No, don't do that. I was just wondering what you were doing on the floor?'

'Trying to sleep?' He said looking confused as well.

'Felix, come here' Chan said as he patted the space next to him.

'I know we've just met a few hours ago but please stay with me, I beg you'

'I don't know, Chan, I have nothing to offer you, I have no family, no friends, no money, I'm also a cat hybrid. I'm practically useless, better off dead.' He said as he slowly got on the bed, staying on the edge so he could occupy less space than he needed to.

'Don't say that, come closer, I want to hug you if that's ok'

Felix didn't say anything he just got closer to the older. Raising his head to look at Chan, he found the older's eyes comforting, this time Felix hugged Chan burying his face in Chan's chest and collarbone. Chan let out a chuckle, Felix feeling the vibration through his chest.

'So what's your answer?'

'If I'm not a bother, I want to stay.'

'That's perfect then, can we sleep like this? I want to cuddle you while sleeping.' Felix turned red feeling his ears burning.

'O-ok then' Chan only nodded in agreement, setting them down. Felix didn't know what to do so he just stayed still not even daring to look at Chan.

'Do you not want to cuddle?' Asked Chan as he propped his head up a little.

'I never did it before, I don't know what to do...' he looked down in embarrassment.

'Really? That's okay. Do you want to face me or not?'

'I want to see your face'

'Okay then, sweetheart, come closer'

Felix could only smile at the sudden nickname clinging to the older, as he snuggled into him.

'I'm sorry for everything'

'You didn't do anything, bub, it's all ok now, we are together and that's what matters in the end.'

'Aren't you mad at me? I got you in so much trouble...I feel bad, i didn't want to accept the task, but I didn't have another choice, they would torture me and beat me and then throw me out like a dog... I didn't want that to happen again, I'm sorry Chan, I really am...' Felix said looking up at Chan, putting a hand gently on Chan's cheek.

Chan put his hand above Felix's hand noticing how tiny it was.

'Don't worry, it's none of your fault, you were the victim and as soon as you get better we will go and confront uncle.'

'No, please don't do that, please. You will get in trouble for me and he will come for you. I don't want to lose you' Felix started tearing up again but now Chan was here for him. Chan held him closer whispering that everything is okay.

'Don't worry Felix, uncle will be punished for everything he has done to you. I can't believe he will actually do that to someone, how cruel can one be?'

'Thank you, Chan, for helping me and letting me stay with you.'

'Felix, no need to worry, okay? You're here with me from now on. Let's sleep, it's gotten late.'

'Thank you, Channie.....' Felix mumbled cutely as he drifted into the land of dreams but this time his dreams weren't nightmares this time, his dreams were full of Chan's face, laugh, touch.....he was feeling happy. Was he allowed to feel that way?

᷀ົཽ⁎⁺˳✧༚˚✧₊⁎❝᷀ົཽ≀ˍ̮ ❝᷀ົཽ⁎⁺˳✧༚˚

my ao3: Mrs_SnowPitch

my wattpad: ChanlixForMySoul

my masterlist: iza’s masterlist

[angryschnauzer]

An update for Chez Schnauz. (don’t @ me for any of this please)

As you know i’m always very open about my life, and whats going on, and want to share a update so you can understand why i may miss your tag.

First up; Little Dude (my 5 1/2 year old son). He’s currently fighting a kidney infection, which is incredibly stressful for him and us. He was due to go for ADHD testing this April, but because of covid it was all cancelled. Throughout lockdown in the UK his condition worsened and me and hubby have had to learn very quickly how to work with Little Dude when he has an episode. He despises change and for him food is a big thing, and he only likes certain foods.  A couple of weeks ago LD suddenly started to wet the bed at night, which was very unusual because he had happily been toilet trained for well over 2 years and was pretty much always dry at night. At first we thought it was just down to the heatwave and how we were asking him to drink lots because of the 36C temperatures, but the heatwave broke and it was still happening. So we took him to the doctors and they found Glucose and Protein in his urine. Multiple tests later including a pinprick test for diabetes we thankfully ruled that out, and that there is no blood in the urine (plus no pain), we have been instructed to drastically change his diet... which is so incredibly hard because he has found comfort in his selected foods, and by changing it we have to be careful how we do it because of his ADHD and we don’t want to trigger him. So its meant lots of trips to health food shops to try and find kid friendly alternatives. I also am hyper aware of anything that could trigger a eating disorder as my own ED developed when i was around 6 years old.

Next up me; I’ve mentioned before about my distain for the NHS and how they are completely biased against people who are overweight. I’ve been asking for blood tests to get my hormones checked for EIGHT YEARS. Every time i ask i get refused. I get told that whatever my ailment (overweight, tiredness, nausea...) it’s caused by being overweight and they refuse to give me any tests. No amount of explaining that i have at most 1500 calories a day, that i have dieted my entire life, that i have PCOS, my mum has had her thyroid removed at age 40 (same age i am now), but still every request for testing is refused. I know a lot of people say ‘find another doctor’ but with the NHS that isn’t an option. You can’t skip the process and go straight to an endocrinologist (if thats the right word), you can’t swap GP practices unless you move house, and even then you will get the same answer. Private healthcare is almost non existant, and is VERY expensive (yes on par with USA). My husband has some private healthcare through his work but they are being very slow in confirming if i can persue this avenue with them. So at the moment i am stuck in limbo, suffering from fatigue, back ache due to my weight, and that i am gaining 2lbs/1kg a month without increasing my calorie intake. I still exercise as much as i can, but simply by the fact i am gaining weight without knowing why, exercise is starting to become difficult and is in turn causing issues like back pain. I am in a vicious cycle where the doctors insist the weight is the cause of my issues, and will not test me so they don’t have to accept that its the affect of a more serious condition.

On top of all that i also have Aspergers. I was diagnosed when i was 38, or more to the point i was re-diagnosed at 38, my original diagnosis was when i was 8 years old which my parents ignored as back in the 1980s if you had a child with autism they were stupid... and thus i had to deal with school and life thinking i was stupid and weird, when in fact i should have had support. So anyway, a huge part of my condition is that i get noise sensitive, so on top of all the stresses of this year, add in that my child is dealing with ADHD which means he is loud and talks the entire time he is awake, and i have no escape from it, i find myself wanting to shut myself in a dark silent room just to escape the chaos in my head. I don’t get time to decompress my mind in order to write or work or just think, so my writing is suffering, and that is usually a big escape for me. I can’t concentrate on anything during my son’s waking hours, he needs to be with someone (in the same room as him) whenever he is awake, so its at the point where i can’t even go to the bathroom on my own, if i pick up my phone he’s on me asking 100 questions, to the point i really don’t have the energy to explain who everyone is on tumblr/facebook, what i’m doing, and its to the point i can’t concentrate. Tags get missed, and that’s when tumblr even does give me a notification.

And yes we are very much looking forward to when he goes back to school. Yes i will be sending him, we are in the UK and at present our infection rate/death rate is dropping daily, there have been no cases in our county for a month. When there are cases and towns become hotspots, they go into local lockdown. The school has everything planned out and will be social distancing and there is no mixing between his class and other classes. Each class has its own arrival and pick up time so parents can’t mix between groups.  Little Dude needs the interaction with other children, and the trained support from his teacher, where we can finally get some guidance on his ADHD.

[bonnieisaway]

lost my discretion

cough ow this is really bad but here’s chp 4 to my shit saiki k x reader

tw for mentions of kidnapping

chapter two | chapter three | wattpad link

"S-Saiki..?" (L/n) asks, shakily as she sits on the ground behind the boy. He had suddenly appeared out of thin air, separating the girl and the body in front of Saiki. "Wh-wha...h-how did you..?"

He had teleported, obviously, but the weeping girl behind him didn't necessarily understand. Saiki cursed himself under his breath. There wasn't any way to get out of this one.

Saiki sighed in frustration. It was a simple Saturday morning, but something was annoying. He had had the same stupid prophetic dream and headache ever since the night where (L/n) had walked him home. It was weird, and why he had been assuming his powers were off lately, because usually there was't that much of a gap between when his dreams happened and, well, when it actually happened. The volcano- as much as he hated to think about it- didn't count really, it was only so long ago because he had rewound the Earth fuck knows how many times.

The answer was 6. But, we don't talk about that.

He had no choice but to shake it off as his mother called him down for breakfast. Walking down the stairs he tried his best to clear his mind, sitting at the table and ignoring the idle chatter his mother and father started.

(L/n) was a strange girl. Everything about her seemed contradictory. She was average, yet unique in a way that seemed to keep Saiki guessing, somehow- it felt like there were parts of her unknown. Which was odd, since, he could literally read her mind. Hell, even from where he sat now, if he tried hard enough he could hear her thoughts.

Or, well, dreams. She liked to sleep in.

Regardless, that wasn't all. She carried herself as if she was nothing special- and even then acknowledged by some very wrong people as such- but she was talented and beautiful. An average girl who was unique. Part of Saiki supposed everyone was like that, really. Another part of him supposed there was something different. Other than that that hid within her that he was curious of.

Very rarely was Saiki curious. Very rarely did people manage to hide things from Saiki Kusuo.

Of course, there were things like Nendo, and bugs, that were completely unreadable. But you were complex. He heard your thoughts, yes, but you never turned to stone without his glasses and his x-ray vision never worked on you. It was, well, confusing. Emotions that Saiki didn't necessarily understand.

"Ku, are you alright? You haven't touched your food..." Saiki's mother, Kurumi, fretted.

Saiki blinked for a second. He had zoned out. "Yes... I'm fine.." He sighs, finally picking up his spoon and digging into his coffee jelly. Who needed anything else? Coffee jelly makes all your problems go away.

What? Don't look at him like that. You're reading an x reader fanfiction. He can use coffee jelly as a stress coping mechanism all he wants.

Kurumi looks at his doubtfully before sighing. 'I really do hope he's okay..' Her thoughts echoed. Saiki sighed, finishing his food and excusing himself from the table, walking back up to his room.

He figured he'd read a book. Play that one game he never finished. Something enjoyable. he doesn't want to waste a perfectly fine Saturday fretting about nothing.

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As you woke up slowly, you heard your phone vibrate on the stand next to your bed. You sighed. Who wanted what this early in the morning..? You rubbed your eyes with one hand and grabbed the phone with the other.

Oh. It's 1pm. It's not that early. You just really, really like sleep. You unlock your phone, which is an unholy level of bright, to find a text from an unfamiliar number

???

Heey! I got your number from Chiopipi.

...Who, got it from Teryukoko.. ehhe..

(Y/n)

..uh.. who's this??

???

Oh, sorry! It's Aiura Mikoto.

I'm in ur class?? lol

(Y/n)

oh! you're the gyaru with the crystal ball right??

Aiura Mikoto

That's me! haha

Teryukoko was planning to have all us girls hang at her house tmrw

Her brother's gonna be out of town and her parents are off on some business trip

So it's just us

You in???

(Y/n)

..yeah sure why not

Aiura Mikoto

Lit!!! I'll text you the details tmrw

Read, 1:32pm

.

You set your phone down on your bedside table again and sighed. Well, that was your plans for tomorrow. But you had absolutely nothing to do today. You eyed your bag in the corner of the room.

Nope. Absolutely nothing. Nada. None.

You swung your legs over your bed and sat up, head dizzying and vision blurring momentarily from the swiftness of the motion. You sighed, standing and walking off..you had to take care of yourself, for once. Get dressed, brush your hair, your teeth, blah blah... you get the point.

The day goes by slowly, a steady day of jamming to your tunes and doing work. And totally not watching Netflix. Nope. But eventually the steadily changing light of the sun setting begins to noticeably change the lighting of your living room until the sun is still barely left straddling the horizon.

You stare out the window until you turn, grabbing your shoes and hoodie, slipping them on and grabbing your keys and phone as you leave your apartment, locking it behind you. You weren't sure why.. but something told you to go outside. Take a walk. Vibe in the loneliness of the playground. You'd be fine, I mean, Japan has an awfully low crime rate, doesn't it?

Yeah.. It does.. you remember your mother hovering over your shoulder as you researched the country while still in America. Your father nonchalant about the decision but inside he cared. A lot. His baby would move across the world. Your sister, jealous but proud. You were always the smarter of the two. She was an adrenaline junkie who valued smarts last.

Walking along the empty and quiet streets oddly reminded you of her. She was a type of girl who would run down these streets screaming for some demon to come eat her ass while you laughed in disappointment behind her. Sometimes, if you close your eyes hard enough..

Sometimes you could see her running.  

Sometimes, when you closed your eyes, you saw the day you lost them instead. It's hard to shake.. your bruised and broken sister holding your hand in a hospital bed as heart dropped and the doctors came in like a SWAT team.

It was really hard to shake that thought away from your head.

You had lost your family a while ago now. Just before you started your first year at PK Academy. See, the original plan was you were going to study at PK and live in Japan while your family in America dealt with most expenses. When they died, there was a new plan offered, mainly out of sympathy. Your living situation was paid by the school as you attended. As long as you kept your grades high, they would pay. Once you were out of PK Academy, then you're on your own.

You shook the thought from your head- or at least tried- as you arrived at your destination, the playground. You kicked rocks littered around under the light of the light post that's near.  You're not really sure why you came here. Nostalgia? Wanting to vibe? Bored? Who knew.

It's when you're staring up at the cloudy night sky you feel a tight grip on your wrist, causing you to nearly scream before snapping around. It's a man, obviously older than you, accompanied by his friend, grinning happily.

"Hey, you lost, girlie?" He asks, curiously. You shake your head furiously, mind racing. You did not want to die. Nor get kidnapped. Or anything else like that. "What are you doing out here all alone? It's late, you know."

You don't respond. His grip tightens, and you know it's going to leave a mark. "Let me go."

"You didn't answer my question." His face falls. His buddy behind him pulls up his hood, obscuring his already shadowy face. You feel yourself tremble, and when you look down, you see your fingers shaking like an earthquake tremor.

"I don't have to." You argue, tugging against his grip. "Let me go." You keep a stern face but you're panicking. You want to scream. Cry. You tell yourself you're stronger than this- hell, you work out with fucking Hairo sometimes, of all people, and everything is telling you to knee this man straight where the sun doesn't shine and run away but the fear has you rooted still.

There's a second, where he's going to say something back, and you feel him start to raise your arm up so he can tug you closer, but it stops when a certain force appears suddenly between you and the man, plus his friend, knocking you away and promptly letting you fall on your ass. Ouchie.  

You stare up at the object and when you recognize the stature, the bright pink hair, and weird hairpins, you realize it's Saiki. "S-Saiki..?" You ask, staring up at him.  "Wh-wha...h-how did you..?"

He turns his head back towards the two men, both as shocked as you are. "Close your eyes." He tells you, and you can't tell if it's soft or stern. A wavering mix of both. You listen to him, and when you're given the signal to open them, both men are gone.

"Whe-"

"Don't ask." He spins his body to you and holds out a hand. You shakily take it, and he pulls you to your feet effortlessly. You're shaking so much you can't help but fall forwards to his chest and he lets you, letting you rest for a second.

"..Thank you.." You mutter.

°·.¸.·°¯°·.,.·°¯°·.¸.°·.¸.·°¯°·.¸.·°¯°·.¸.

You sat on the swing, swinging your legs quietly. Saiki had pulled you out of his chest and when he was going to say something you asked that he didn't- that he just stayed with you here. You knew it was nonsensical, asking to stay, but you felt safer when he was with you all of a sudden. Your phone lay under your feet softly playing music and Saiki sat on the swing next to you. It was quiet- a kind of quiet where you couldn't decipher comfort or a still, awkward feeling.

You hesitate, briefly. "How did you...?" The question drifts, before you clear your throat, trying again. "How did you just appear out of nowhere?"

Saiki doesn't respond. He sat still as a statue on his swing, compared to yours, drifting back and fourth slowly, the occasional creek of the swing an undecipherable melody. It's a minute before you speak again.

"You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to." You look away from him and kick your feet at the ground. "..How did you know to come?"

A moment of hesitation follows, before all you hear is a quiet "precognition." It's not part of an unheard sentence, and he won't add anything more, you can tell- it's all he's willing to momentarily share. You accept the answer, humming along to your phone- quietly letting unfamiliar songs drift from the phone. He stands, suddenly, the chain of the swing jingling as the weight leaves.

"I'll take you home." He says, offering a hand. "It's late."

"It can't be.. that late." You look up at him.

"It's 2am." He argues. You sigh and hang your head, muttering an apology as you pick up your phone.

You place your hand in his, and this time it feels different. Tender and understanding, but somewhere you know he's upset that you nearly got yourself killed. You blink, and you're in your apartment, with a nauseating feeling. What the fu-

"Goodnight, (L/n)."

You hesitate. "..'night, Saiki."

He dissapears.

For a fleeting moment, your day feels like a blurry dream- you stare at your hand, steadily counting a precise 5 fingers. You're awake. You're tired, and crave your bed, but you're awake.

The pitter-patter of your feet is all you hear in your quiet apartment before you kick closed the door to your bedroom. It was late now, and if you'd ever fall asleep was a gamble.

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[porchwood]

Okay, here goes. The incredible @everlarkedalways created a GoFundMe to help me out through present circumstances, but before I share that link, I wanted to explain a bit of what’s been going on. I feel awful accepting financial help, in part because I’ve been such a dry well for the past 18 months (I have nothing creative to give back/say “thank you” with) and also because so many of you have previously contributed monies to help me through other crisis points over the past five years (yes, it’s been that long and no, it doesn’t seem to be getting any better). But things are maybe the most desperate they’ve ever been and I really can’t say no to badly needed help.

Because I’m long-winded, I’m going to try to condense this into a simple chronological order. Things have been relentlessly bad since my car accident on December 26, 2013, but this is where the current run really started: 

December 2017: The day after Christmas, I went to the ER at 3am with excruciating chest and upper back pain, a bad experience all around (terrible staff, indifferent care). Their best guess was that I’d had an acid reflux attack, something I’d never had before (but have had since, alas :/).

January 2018: The ER bill saga began, and after loads of paperwork/headaches applying for any kind of aid/bill forgiveness, they put me on a payment plan for the $1,343 balance (and yes, that was "after” insurance - Marketplace policies are crap and all they did was “adjust” the total; nothing was covered). Meanwhile, I started taking Lucky to an acupuncturist over an hour’s drive away, desperate to find something to ease her severe separation anxiety (nonstop barking and howling when I was gone, which we have been struggling to treat, with varying degrees of success, for over two years). The sessions were very expensive (around $400 for one month - I had to put them on a credit card that I’m still chipping away at) and actually made her WORSE.

February 2018: The downstairs neighbors left a mildly threatening note about Lucky’s howling - the day before my birthday. In a ridiculous twist of luck, I managed to find a great sitter who only takes little dogs and was (and still is) able to watch Lucky for me as needed, but it cost me $25/day. (At most I would use her two days a week, but you can see how quickly that would add up.) At the same time, I also started administering CBD drops (suggested by our new vet) to Lucks when I had to leave her at home.

July 2018: After increasing the dosage multiple times, I finally started seeing improvement in Lucky’s behavior from a combination of the CBD drops and SAMe, which was huge (note the timespan), but these therapies cost about $100 month. I resolved to make it work somehow.

September 2018: I found out that my workplace had been bought out by an area salon and would be changing hands soon. Shortly thereafter the new owner sent us the employee handbook, which stated that we could not have another job in the same field (many massage therapists in this part of the country work at multiple places as there simply isn’t enough work to go around, especially in the off-season). The new owner was originally okay with me keeping my second job (on-call work at a yoga studio), and then I learned that that position was switching from a subcontractor to an outright rental (I would have to pay up front for the use of the room and possibly make none of it back while having to promote myself as a business), so for several reasons I decided I would leave that second job at the end of October and try to pick up more hours at my “main” job. One bright spot in all this: the downstairs neighbors moved out at the end of the month, but...

October 2018: ...the day after the neighbors moved out, the landlord informed my roommate (a THG fandom friend and content creator) that the owner of our building had sold the property and that we had 30 days to vacate. I can’t even begin to articulate how stressful, expensive, frightening, and exhausting that time was. By the end of October our only real option was a little house approximately 10 miles from town, and miraculously we got ourselves moved out there - to the tune of lots of $$$ and insane energy expenditure.

November 2018: Because I now lived about 20 mins from work and I have to come home at lunchtime to take Lucky out (and give her a booster of anxiety drops), I had to switch to split shifts. If you’ve ever worked split shifts, you will understand why this sucks (you’re never home, you’re always tired, and you never see or spend time with the people you live with). My new boss put me on the schedule for two additional days a week (I initially had just two days a week, period, hence the second job), which initially seemed very promising, but neither myself nor the rest of the staff realized that the new management had an either/or policy when it comes to pay. (This is messy and frustrating to explain, but in a nutshell: instead of getting paid commission for massages and hourly for the rest of your clocked-in time - laundry, desk help, etc - you get paid ONLY commission, i.e., nothing for all the extra things you do, unless the commission divided by hours amounts to less than minimum wage, in which case they pay you minimum wage for the week instead, including for your massage hours. Which is not cool but is, apparently, legal.) So I was driving about an hour a day (20 mins each way, twice, to the tune of about 300 miles/week) just to make minimum wage (we were entering the dead season for massage and I’m the perpetual “second string” therapist anyway, so some weeks I had just four clients in four days :/), which was exhausting and disheartening.

December 2018: Daylight glimmered: my sister (with whom I am extremely close and who I hadn’t seen in a year and a half) flew out to see me after Christmas. A coworker agreed to cover the whole week and a half of her visit for me, and I was a little nervous about taking the time off (unpaid, of course) at such a rotten financial time, but I hadn’t had a vacation of any kind since moving to Maine nor a weekend off since August of 2017. I resolved to be extra frugal during her visit and my work schedule was going to be almost full after she left, so I was pretty sure I could squeak through somehow.

I saw her off on her return trip, and that night I was carrying some dishes down from our living room when I took a very bad fall down the stairs. These are awful, steep “Maine stairs,” and in my fall my left leg shot out through the open side of the staircase and wedged the knee against the bookcase in the dining room below. When I tried to get up I realized that something was very wrong with my knee, and my roommate helped me to bed with ice, a brace, ibuprofen, etc. The following morning I went to the hospital and was directed to the same stupid ER (the last place I ever wanted to go again, but they don’t have urgent care out here and wouldn’t let me just see a GP, so I broke down and cried in admissions). The care I received was middling, if not as bad as on my previous visit, and the nurse-practitioner ordered no weight-bearing for three days, which meant losing the rest of that (desperately needed) work week, and advised following up with orthopedics the next week if the knee wasn’t better.

My wonderful roommate made all kinds of accommodations for my comfort for those three days, and I implemented all the extra therapies I could think of (turmeric, arnica, l-glutamine, Epsom salt soaks, etc). I asked my employers about the possibility of picking up non-massage hours (covering the desk, laundry, etc) but was given the impression that there was nothing for me to do till I could return to massage again. I went to the orthopedic doctor last Thursday and his diagnosis was an MCL (least concerning of the knee ligaments) sprain or tear. I was already strides ahead on his self-care recommendations (getting myself off the crutches, constantly wearing a good brace) and he was supposed to refer me for some PT, but I haven’t heard a peep on that front, and I’m not particularly concerned because, Lord knows, my insurance probably wouldn’t pay for that anyway. He estimated 4 weeks to full recovery but I’m determined to get back to work before that.

So, here’s where we’re at: I’m out of work at the worst time of year, and at the very least, I’ll lose 2.5 weeks of pay (on top of the planned week I took off, plus Christmas and New Year’s were unpaid holidays). Because we live in Maine where everyone has beastly heating fuel, even in a decently insulated house (as I believe this one to be), it costs us around $350 a month to keep the place at 58 degrees through the winter months. (Yes, 58 degrees. 60 if we’re splurging.)

My credit cards are maxed out from car repairs and copious Lucky expenses (including an emergency vet visit - she ended up being fine but it was one of those things that happens after hours/over a weekend and you really shouldn’t wait several days to have checked out).

Oh, and just for fun, our January rent payment got lost in the mail. The landlord was very nice about it and we promptly sent out a replacement, but this meant paying $35 for a stop-payment on the missing check (did I mention that I had to buy checks, to the tune of almost $30, just for paying rent?).

Those of you who have already donated: you are quite literally keeping me going right now. You covered Lucky’s rabies booster yesterday and refills of her food and supplements (all of which, naturally, were running out at the same time), and Lucky is absolutely the reason I’m still alive, so her care honestly means more to me than my own.

I have no idea what my medical bills will look like at this point. I’m assuming the ER visit will be around $1000, and I’m sure the orthopedic visit will be up there somewhere too. As soon as bills start coming in I’ll apply for aid (or, likelier than not, a payment plan), but in order to do that they’re going to want my new tax returns, which means I’m going to have to get my taxes done (probably in Feb) just to find out what my ultimate medical expenses will be. (I used to do my own taxes cheaply through TaxAct, but I was a subcontractor for part of the year, which complicates things and means having to pay someone $$$ to do them this round. I may actually owe on my taxes this year, which is terrifying.)

The healing has been going well overall and I’m hoping to be able to go back to work next week, but I don’t want to assume my knee will oblige. To add insult to injury, I just got hammered with a terrible cold (the kind that levels you in bed), so my body is triaging itself and I’m not sure which is going to get the care first. Surprisingly enough, Lucky’s being a great little nurse, but recovery is a difficult and very lonely process, especially when you get saddled with illness on top of injury.

Anyway, sorry for the ramble. I’ve been reluctant to talk about the miserable past year, but in light of the fact that I’m receiving (and, I guess, asking for :/ ) help, I thought you should know what’s been going on. Thanks for listening and blessings on your day. <3

[let-it-raines]

So @hollyethecurious reblogged this prompt, and both of our minds went crazy with ideas for CS. I don’t know if she’s writing her idea, but here’s a short thing that my brain came up with last night.

Also available on ao3 | here | with the rest of my stuff!

I hope you guys enjoy the ride ;)

                                 Single Riders Won’t Stay Single

Here are some facts:

 Emma Swan loves rollercoasters.

 Emma Swan has never been on a rollercoaster.

 Emma Swan gets to ride her first rollercoaster today.

Emma Swan is supposed to be riding her first rollercoaster with her best friend Mary Margaret Blanchard.

 Emma Swan is not riding her first rollercoaster with Mary Margaret Blanchard because Mary Margaret Blanchard is a traitor who chose to spend the day with a boy instead of riding rollercoasters with Emma.

 Now she realizes that this makes her sound like she is a teenage girl whose best friend is experiencing her first crush, but none of that is true. Emma is twenty-eight years old, and her best friend is wandering around Universal Studios in the hot depths of Florida with her fiancée David while Emma waits in the single rider line for the Incredible Hulk.

 If only she was waiting in the single rider line for Bruce Banner.

 David and Mary Margaret offered to come with her, but neither of them is too big on rollercoasters even if this whole trip to Orlando was Mary Margaret’s idea, so she knows that they were relieved when she said it was fine, she can go alone. She’ll just join them later when they’ve gotten all of the cutesy couple’s pictures out of the way.

 Who is she kidding? They’ll be doing that all day.

 So really, even if she was a little pissed at them for so easily agreeing to let her go off on her own, it’s a blessing in disguise because the single rider line is basically the express line for those not willing to pay for the express passes – she is one of those people because damn everything here is expensive. This way at least she can speed through the line and get paired with a random group of three people without the hassle of getting sunburned just waiting in line. If she’s going to get sunburned, it’s going to be because she spends the day in the sun doing more than one supposedly fun thing.

 Plus, you know, if she ends up being terrified (because this isn’t exactly an easy rollercoaster to start off with but Emma dives deep or doesn’t dive at all), then she can scream bloody murder and never have to see the person sitting next to her again.

 Anxiety is starting to build in her chest the closer she gets to the front of the line, and by the time she’s at least twenty people away from experiencing her first rollercoaster, it’s firmly lodged in her throat. She’s fucking nervous. But she’s also pumped, and she’s not turning back now.

 Emma Swan is not a quitter.

 When she can see the regular line full of friends, families, and couples, she absentmindedly wonders who she’ll get paired up with. It’s not like she has her phone to look at (this thing goes upside down, and she’s not buying a new phone for when it falls out of her pocket) and if she watches how the people go upside down one more time she may back out despite her conviction not to.

 Emma Swan is sometimes a quitter.

 So it’s people watching or zilch, and she can’t help it when her eyes zero in on these two guys who have to be brothers – though one is stockier with curlier hair while the other is leaner with straight hair – and the woman who’s with them.

 They’re about the right distance away to be lined up with her, and considering it’s either them or the group of teenagers where one of them just picked his nose, she really hopes it’s the brothers and what seems to be the curly-haired guy’s girlfriend or wife or whatever. At least she hopes so because she just kissed him, and that would be weird if she was dating the other one.

 She doesn’t have much time to contemplate it though because the cart is rolling into the station, and she’s being herded into the fences they put you in before you can get onto the ride. When the brother with the straight hair ends up directly behind her and the couple behind him, she has to hold herself back from doing a victory dance.

 She obviously does some kind of anxiety dance instead because he’s talking to her unprompted, and she was not expecting that.

 “This your first time?”

 Oh fuck he’s British. Why is that so hot?

 “How can you tell?”

 What kind of question is that, Emma? You probably look like you could pee your pants. Oh hell, she’s totally talking to herself in her head right now, isn’t she? At least it’s not out loud.

 He chuckles, just the smallest laugh, but she still hears it. “You seem a bit too nervous to just be excited. And I don’t know many people in the single rider line who are in it unwillingly, so just a guess.”

 “Aren’t you perceptive?”

 He smiles at her, and it’s obviously the Florida heat that’s causing her to go insane because the way his white teeth flash contrasted to the darkness of his stubble is as hot as this Florida sun. Did she really just think that? Yep, she’s definitely having a heat stroke or something.

 “You’re a bit of an open book, love.”

 “It’s Emma.”

 He smiles again.

 “Killian.”

 Eventually the gates are opened and she and British dude Killian and his probable brother and his probable brother’s girlfriend are strapped into the ride, and wow she should have picked a kiddie ride for her first time. Screw going big or going home. She wants the medium option right about now. But it’s too late, and they’re inching up the tracks without her permission. She really hopes this guy isn’t some kind of preacher who takes offense to foul language.

 There’s definitely going to be some foul language.

 They go up ever so slowly and she thinks her anxiety is calming down, but then Killian looks over at her, and wow he has blue eyes, and says something she can’t quite make out.

 “What?” she yells over the racketing of the ride.

 He flashes her that smile again, and she really hopes she doesn’t throw up on him. That would be mortifying.

 “You know what they say, darling, you never forget your first.”

 And then they’re off.

 She’s not really sure what else happens while she’s up there. It’s all a literal and figurative blur. All she knows is that she started praying in the middle of it and then by the end was sure that she’d cancelled out any good deeds coming her way by the obscenities that flew from her mouth. She’s pretty sure British dude was laughing at her, but she couldn’t tell over the ringing in her ears.

 Once they start their slow (okay, no part of it is slow but at least she’s not hanging upside down again) descent back to ground, she feels the air leave her lungs and she can’t decide if that was awesome or terrifying. She’s honestly kind of in a daze. Or maybe an adrenaline rush. She has no idea what’s even happening until she feels warm skin on her hand and British dude…Killian is helping her out of her seat and back onto solid ground.

 “Was it everything you dreamed?”

 “What now?”

 “The roller coaster?”

 “Oh, yeah, I guess so. Though I do feel a little woozy.”

 “You just don’t have your land legs back yet, lass. Come this way, and we can find a seat.”

 “Little brother, did you pick up a stray?”

 “Younger brother,” British dude one (why does she keep forgetting his name? Maybe the ride scrambled her brain) says to British dude two. “And this is Emma. First time thrill enthusiast who needs a bit of assistance getting her land legs back.”

 Score. She was right about them being brothers. She’s not a private investigator for nothing.

 “Are you here by yourself, Emma?”

 “No, my friends are here, but they’re more interested in walking around and seeing everything than helping me check this off my mental bucket list.” She moves to sit down at an empty picnic table, Killian sliding in next to her while the others sit on the seat opposite. This is weird, right? People aren’t just this nice. “I’m sorry, I don’t believe I caught your names.”

 “Liam Jones,” he reaches his hand across the table, and she takes it to shake, “and this is my wife Belle. And obviously you met my little brother Killian.”

 “I’m his younger brother, lass. Smaller in absolutely no way.”

 Did he just wink at her? Is he flirting with her? Does she want him to flirt with her?

 She totally does.

 “Where are you guys from? If you don’t mind me asking of course.”

 “Originally, right outside of London. Currently, Boston.”

 “No fucking way. I’m from Boston.”

 “What are the odds?”

 “Pretty small, I’m guessing.”

 She can feel Killian’s eyes on her, and she finds herself looking down at her lap to hide her smile.

 “Love,” he says, and when she looks over at him he’s scratching behind his ear, “not to be forward, but would you like to walk around with us until you meet up with your friends?”

 “Really? I mean, you guys don’t think I’m a serial killer or something like that?”

 “You could be, but I don’t think you’re going to murder us in the middle of a park.”

 “Guess you’ll just have to wait and see.”

 Emma, despite her usual apprehension to people, ends up spending the rest of her afternoon with the Jones clan. David and Mary Margaret decided to go back to the hotel (for what she’s going to ignore because they are definitely sharing a room with her), and she finds that she doesn’t mind.

 Killian, she discovers, is a damn professor at Harvard. He’s got a doctorate in English, and suddenly her high school diploma doesn’t feel so important anymore. It’s not that he makes her feel stupid or inferior or anything like that. In fact, he seems almost embarrassed about his job, and that doesn’t make any sense. But he just waves her off when she makes a comment about him being some kind of genius, and she can already tell that Killian Jones, for all his bravado, doesn’t like talking about himself.

 He does talk about himself, though, because none of them have express passes, and the lines here are long. Like, what has driven so many people to come to a theme park in the hottest part of Florida in the middle of the summer?

 “I wanted to be a pirate as a child,” he admits as they stand in line for Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey, “but I quickly gave that up to wanting to be a wizard when these books came out, especially being a kid in Britain who very much resembled Daniel Radcliffe. Obviously, though, neither of those things were possible, so I became a boring professor who waxes poetic about novels more ‘refined’ than these and the English language as a whole.”

 “I mean, I wanted to own a bakery so I could eat all the food, but I’m a private investigator.”

 “Why not a baker?”

 She’s not going to tell the whole truth to that, so she says the simple one.

 “I can’t bake.”

 He laughs at that, a fully belly laugh that has him throwing his head back, the sun glinting off his beard to show off the red in it. So he wouldn’t be a true Black Beard pirate if he had gone with that profession.

 “Don’t let that hold you back, Swan.”

 “I’d rather not give all of Boston food poisoning.”

 “I’d eat your pastries.”

 “Is that an innuendo?”

 “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

 “Perhaps I would.”

 The Harry Potter ride is awesome, and if the line wasn’t so long, she’d totally go on it again. But the line is long, and her stomach most definitely rumbled while they were in line – now would be a good time for that bakery, Swan – so the group is in yet another line, but this time to get something to drink.

 She and Belle get butter beers while Killian and Liam get actual beers, and they walk around with them until they find something other than a turkey leg to eat. At one point the foam from the sweet drink gets on her chin, and Killian wipes it off with his thumb, a gentle caress that has her heart rate beating at a pace similar to when she was on the Hulk.

 They end up near the Jurassic Park rides, and despite Killian protesting to the unhealthiness of it all – you just drank a beer, Jones – they eat chicken in the shape of dinosaurs with children all under the age of ten. Killian buys her meal despite her protests, and is she on a date with a guy she just met?

 She kind of hopes that she is.

 There’s a fake giant dinosaur to take pictures next to, and even if you’re not supposed to climb on top of it, Killian lifts her on his shoulders so that she can climb up there to take a picture. It’s worth it when the security guard yells at her to get down because Killian grabs her by the waist, and his hands are so damn warm underneath the material of her tank top. She doesn’t have time to think about it, though, because she’s thinking about how he’s grabbing her hand and jogging away from where they totally almost got kicked out of the park.

 By the time they get back to where Liam and Belle are waiting for them, he doesn’t let go of her hand, even when Liam gives them a pointed glance and smirks. She almost lets go then, but his grip tightens and he smiles down at her with the softest look on his face.

 They wander around for a few more hours, and she already knows that despite her constant application of sunscreen, her skin is going to be pink tomorrow. It’s so damn hot, and she needs some relief from this. That’s when they come across a blessed water ride, and it’s not even a question as to if they’re going to go on it or not.

 They should have noticed, though, how everyone who rides ends up wet – that’s what the women always tell me, love – because while the relief from the heat is welcome, they’re all soaked through their clothes. She thinks it’ll just make for an uncomfortable evening, but then she notices that Killian is staring at her with a gaze that could almost be described as adoring. But she’s distracted by the fact that the water has made his gray t-shirt cling to his abs and his hair fall flat on his head. It’s hot, and she’s not even ashamed to admit it.

 It’s not until later when Belle offers to take her to buy another shirt that she realizes that her nipples were very much on display because of the cold water against her shirt. She doesn’t care about that, but it does explain why Killian was staring at her earlier. She can’t complain. She was doing the same to him.

 So the four of them walk around in soaked through clothes for the rest of the afternoon, riding several other rides but no other rollercoasters until they’ve come full circle and are back at the Hulk.

 “What do you say, love? Want to go another round?”

 She has to pump herself up for it, but she says yes.

 This time, though, she doesn’t wait in the single rider’s line, and when they get strapped in, Killian places his hand over hers on the bars and squeezes, holding onto her tightly.

 This time the ride is a lot more enjoyable, and Emma manages to keep her eyes open the entire time, even laughing when Killian waggles his eyebrows at her at the people behind them screaming. She doesn’t scream, but her insides definitely feel like they’ve been shuffled around for more than one reason.

 Eventually the two of them pair off without Liam and Belle, and today really has been – pun intended – a rollercoaster of a day.

 They somehow end up in Margaritaville, because when in Florida, right? Cheeseburgers, margaritas, and Jimmy Buffet songs are all over the place, and she can barely hear Killian through the music but she doesn’t care. He just slides his chair closer to her, and whisper shouts in her ear, sending shivers down her spine that have nothing to do with the alcohol running through her.

 “So Swan,” he says later that night when they’re walking along the lake back to their hotels across the street from the resorts (they could have gotten on a bus, but neither of them wanted the night to end), “do you think you’re going to ride more rollercoasters or was today just a one time thing?”

 She bumps his shoulder, their hands still interlaced like that’s normal, and keeps walking until they come to a crosswalk.

 “I think I’d be willing to do it all again, but only with the right riding partner. You know any good places to go near Boston?”

 “I feel like I could find somewhere to go, if I have the right riding partner as well.”

 “Who knows? Maybe you’ll get paired up with someone cool in the single riders line.”

 He turns to her then, eyes still blue even in the darkness, and releases her hand so that he can cup her face. Her breath doesn’t hitch, she swears.

 “Emma, I’d really only like to go with you.”

 And then his lips are against hers, so soft and warm and everything like she’s imagined – because she one hundred percent imagined it – and she almost sighs in relief. It doesn’t last long, but that’s okay, and when he pulls back he rests his forehead against hers, the heat of his skin running all the way through her.

 “Yeah?”

 “I quite fancy you when you’re not yelling at ride engineers for giving you a heart attack.”

 She laughs against his lips before pulling back and resting her head on his shoulder as the two of them finally cross the crosswalk on the way back to their hotels.

 Rollercoasters aren’t the only thing Emma rides that night.

[zoroism]

The Strawhat’s Deja Vu

This is my entry for the @opbigbang 2019! This is actually my first long fanfic (or fanfic in general) and I hope you all would like it! I had so much fun writing this and I hope you’ll have fun reading it too!

A big thank you to my partner @babblebuzz! for the amazing animation they made for the fic! And for being so understanding bc my work schedule is crazy xD Check out their artblog @junonboi! (You’ll see amazing art please go and check them out)

The day was perfect. The sun was shining, the wind was blowing through his grass hair and there were no signs of rain coming anytime soon. A very good day for a road trip indeed. They say Roronoa Zoro was king of the road trips. Why you ask? Since he absolutely didn't know where he was going most of the time. Though he knows where he needed to go he just doesn't know how to get there even with the best GPS apps. He just keeps on getting lost and the man is very sure that he was not the problem. It was those stupid apps. So when you want a short adventure just tell Zoro to maybe go to the nearest McDonald's and you'll most certainly be on a highway going to the next city.

"Zoro, I'm hungry." A teenager with curly brown hair and freckles running across his cheeks groaned. He was sitting in the passenger seat with his phone on his hand checking the map if they were going in the right direction every minute.  

"Sorry Chopper, we'll get there soon," Zoro answered with an apologetic expression. He saw the discomfort on Chopper's face that tells him that the boy was indeed very hungry. Zoro couldn't blame him, after all, they were driving the Red Line Highway for eight hours now and their snacks were all out.

   The two of them were headed to Marie Jois City. They were moving there since Chopper got a scholarship to Marie Jois University for a degree in Medicine. Zoro was still in shock that the boy was going to college at an early age but he did know that Chopper was a genius. The boy was already doing adult stuff like paying the bills, budgeting their money and cleaning the house while Zoro was at his job. He was very responsible for the age of fifteen.

   Zoro and Chopper were orphans. They met at the orphanage where they both grew up. The place took care of them very well but potential parents that interviewed them didn't want them. Maybe because Zoro dyed his hair green and maybe because he looked like a delinquent that no one wanted him and thought that he was too "rough" for them since parents did want a more "cuter" and "nicer" kid. For Chopper's case, he was always around Zoro. So when someone tries to talk to him Zoro gives them a deep stare. He was just checking out if they were nice people, it wasn't his intention to scare them away. Maybe. He just wanted to make sure Chopper was adopted to a nice family.

   So when Zoro turned eighteen, he left the orphanage with Chopper by his side. Of course, the orphanage didn't allow this at first since they needed to make sure that Zoro had the means to pay for the bills. He first got multiple jobs to show that he was capable and Chopper showed the people in the orphanage that he was responsible enough that he might be the one taking care of Zoro instead even if he was just twelve years old. In the end, they were both allowed to live together as brothers with the help of some convincing that Zoro did. That was three years ago. And of course, during those three years, they had a hard time adjusting to their new lives as independent people but they were moving to a brighter future now.

"We don't have to do this now you know." Chopper whispered barely audible for Zoro to hear. "I can get some job first then work my way up."

"Don't think about the bills or anything related to that. Just go and live your dream." Zoro answered with his eye looking directly at the road. He had to leave his job back at Shimotsuki City and he knows that Marie Jois is an expensive city since people call it the "City of Dreams" where rich ass people live. Though he knows Chopper got a scholarship at the university, there were still some school expenses they needed to pay plus their rent and food money.  

"We got this okay? Things will work out. I'm the adult here let me handle the money matters, I want you to focus on what you want." The man said again shaking those thoughts out of his head, he knew things would work out in the end. He wanted to do this for his brother.

"Well at least let me drive. You're getting lost again!" The teenager exclaimed while pointing at the map on his phone.

"Like hell you'll drive! You're underage!" The green haired man exclaimed.

"Wow! Coming from a man who certainly follows the "street rules"" Chopper did quotation marks with his hands to emphasize his point. "You know I know what your true job is!"

"Are you seriously bringing that up now?" The man question with a pained expression. Zoro knew working at retail won't pay the bills. He knew it wasn't enough for both of them so he had to do something else and that way was the only way he could earn some quick cash.

"Did you seriously think I'm that dumb to not know? How could I not notice the car you're driving?! It's a new car! You even bought me the newest Samsung phone, the best laptop AND we're moving to Marie Jois. Given that we still don't have enough right now BUT NOT JUST ANYONE CAN MOVE THERE!" Chopper was technically yelling at the last part because he still thought it was amazing how Zoro's job could pay all these and of course he was very thankful for Zoro's hard work. Well, he was especially amazed at how Zoro could do that job given that the man was directionally damaged, he actually really wanted to know how Zoro could do it. "Plus I know what really happened to your left eye you know. You got in an accident during a race didn't you?"

   Zoro glanced at Chopper to see his sad expression. Zoro felt bad for worrying the boy that night. It was two years ago during the Summer season. Zoro got the chance to race with a man known to be the best at Shimotsuki City, Dracule Mihawk. They decided to race from the top of the mountain to the bottom. During the first part of the race, Mihawk was in the lead. In a sharp turn, Zoro tried to overtake Mihawk but he actually got lost during his drift. Zoro was able to be in the lead when he got out from his little "detour" and jumped out from a small road and landed in front of Mihawk. Nearing the end of their race, there was another curve and his opponent saw this opportunity and bumped him at the back of his car. It caused his car to spin but Zoro still got his grip on the wheel, he thought about Chopper and he knew he couldn't die there. He directed his car to hit the mountain wall which caused rocks to break his window side and the glass hit his left eye which was the reason why he couldn't open his eye and how he got a big scar on the left side of his face. He was still able to calm his car down and finish the race. Mihawk was impressed with his skill and luck and told Zoro that he would await him until he was ready to fight him again. It was then Zoro swore to himself that he would beat Mihawk one day.

"Being a street racer has its perks you know." Zoro grinned and shuffled Chopper's hair with his right hand. The boy smiled and said, "One of the reasons why I wanted to be a Doctor.".

"But how can you be directionally challenged but still be a street racer at night?" Chopper genuinely asked putting his index finger and thumb on his chin with a thinking look on his face.

"Stop that you look like that stupid thinking emoji. Just don't ask, things work out in the end." Zoro himself didn't know how he wins his races besides knowing he had the skills and a stroke of excellent luck on his side.

"I will stop questioning this logic. It pains my head." Chopper agreed. When he glanced at his window, Chopper's eyes grew big and he immediately shouted "ZORO YOU MISSED THE EXIT! OUR EXIT WAS 10 EXITS AGO!".    

When the boys finally got to the right road to Marie Jois city they were amazed by the big castle they see in the distance. It was literally a big medieval castle surrounded by tall buildings that had the same style as the castle. The road they were traveling through was a straight road where you can see if you squint your eyes enough, that it goes until the entrance of the castle. You would think there was a border around the city since before you get there the only thing you'll see is grasslands, farm animals, and crops but it was open for anyone to enter.

"I was not expecting a castle to set the bars of how rich the people at this city are." Chopper said with his mouth open ready for that fries he has on his hands. They went to a drive-thru before they continued their road trip to the city. It was nice timing since they felt like they were about to puke even though they didn't have anything in their stomachs. They were driving half a day now since Zoro missed their exit.

"That's probably the city's government office or something." Zoro answered before sipping his coke.

"Probably. Since this road leads straight to there. Maybe they want us to pay before we find our new house?" Chopper turned his head to face his window. His eyes were greeted by trees that lined up perfectly beside the road. It goes on until they got to the castle where it is placed at the center of a big roundabout with three exits that were simply named, North, East, West, and judging from the names he concluded that they came from the South road. Chopper was in awe about how big the city center was. Besides the big castle, there was a small park with mini stalls surrounding it where he saw people walk and talk with each other. There was a big fountain where kids were playing with the water, teenagers had water guns that they were shooting others with and some people were even bathing in it?!  

"You're not thinking of joining them are you?" Zoro teased the boy. Though he knew Chopper was a genius, the boy was a teenager after all. He still wanted the kid to experience what normal kids do, he wanted him to have fun and enjoy being a kid. Just not the dark side of those "fun" things though.

"O-of course not!" Chopper answered trying to hide a blush creeping up his cheeks. "It's not like it looks fun or anything!" The boy was trying to hide the fact that he indeed, wanted to play with those kids but Zoro knew him well enough to know what he truly wanted. He might push Chopper to go to the center after they finish unpacking their stuff.

"Well, it looks fun. Find some friends and go have fun. I'm not gonna stop you unless you're hurting yourself. Not that I needed to remind you. I know you." The man said with a soft smile. "You should go and meet kids your age. Don't get cooped up in the house and do all those housework again. You're not a maid. We're in this together."

"I know that." Chopper became quiet and gazed at the scenery outside, he was starting to drown in his own thoughts. It wasn't like Zoro was forcing him to do those things, he just wanted to do it since he saw how Zoro was working so hard for him. He was the best big brother anybody could ask for. And he was constantly worried at night if Zoro will come home again with blood all over him like how he did when he raced with Mihawk.

"Well, now we need to find the East exit." Zoro said disturbing Chopper's racing mind. Chopper looked at the window and slapped his forehead.  

"Zoro, We've been circling this roundabout five times now." He respected his big brother so much but just, damn his directionally challenged brain.

"Well, this road keeps on moving!"

"Exit the next one! This roundabout has just four exits and we came through one! How can you get lost?!" Chopper exclaimed and sighed when the man was turning to the right exit. When they turned to enter East Road they were greeted by a long straight street with three-story buildings that also looked medieval but had high-class stalls that looked new at the first story. It was almost dark so they could really appreciate the lights the whole street emitted. Not to mention the road wasn't asphalt or cement, it was pebbles which was a nice complement to the medieval theme of the city.

"This is a beautiful city." Chopper said with excitement in his eyes. He was truly in awe about how beautiful and lively the city is. The boy loved Shimotsuki City but the city was small and dark compared to Marie Jois. The city just breathed new opportunities everywhere.

"This is a city that never sleeps. I expected it to be like this." Zoro answered while he was trying to fiddle his phone with his right hand. Chopper took the phone from his hand and looked at the address on the screen.

"Give me that! I know you're an awesome street racer but it's still not safe to use your phone while driving. Plus we don't know what the rules here are yet!" The boy read the directions they got from their new landlord. "It says here that we should turn right on the third street then we'll see a red brick building there."

Zoro followed Chopper's instructions and they got to their new house safely. He parked on the street just beside a small three-story building that had red brick walls. Each floor, besides the bottom one, had a balcony in the middle that aligned on top of the big antique brown door with wood carvings that looked like the waves on the first floor. There was a small parking lot just on the right side of the building but Zoro figured it was best to knock and great the landlord first.

"Wow, Zoro this looks really nice!" Zoro saw the sparkle on Chopper's eyes. He was happy that his little brother liked the new place he got for them.

"This is the cheapest one here you know."

"This is the cheapest one?! This actually looks like one of the most expensive apartments in Shimotsuki City!" Chopper was waving his hands in the air as if he was emphasizing how impressed he was with the difference between their old home and the new one.

"Well let's go check it out." Zoro grinned and shuffled Chopper's curly hair.

The boys rang the doorbell and waited for a few minutes. They heard footsteps and the door opened. They were greeted by a beautiful black haired lady with blue eyes that smiled at them with delight.

"Are you Zoro?" She asked in a sweet voice.

"Yeah, I'm here for the apartment?" The green-haired man nodded. Chopper hid behind Zoro's back as he was very shy with other people. He was very open to Zoro but when it comes to other people or at least strangers, he was very quiet.

"Come on in, I'm the landlady. My name's Nico Robin." Robin opened the door widely and gestured for the brothers to enter their new house. When they entered the apartment they were greeted with a hallway full of bookcases and statues that look like it was from the ancient times. There were two doors on the right side of the hallway, one was open that showed the staircase and the other was closed and the brothers assumed it was the landlady's apartment.  

Chopper observed the bookcase near the main door and his eyes lit up with delight. "Zoro! These books are old medicine books! There are different techniques that I could learn from here! Maybe I could combine them and develop a better technique?!"

"Woah there buddy those aren't hours." Zoro patted Chopper's back and pointed at Robin to let his little brother know that they were hers.

"Are you interested in my books?" Robin chuckled and looked at Chopper.

"Y-yes..." Chopper was startled with the question and hid behind Zoro's back. There was a blush creeping up his cheeks.

"He's really shy but he's a sweet boy. This is Chopper, my brother. He got a scholarship at the Medicine course in Marie Jois University." Zoro said with a proud tone on his voice.

"How wonderful! You can borrow my books anytime you want. You can knock on my door and I'll show you my whole library." The lady smiled and there was an aura she was emitting that made Chopper feel safe and at home and he felt like he immediately warmed up to the lady. He moved from Zoro's back to directly talk to Robin.

"Can I really?" He asked with his big cute eyes.

"Of course, You're a cute doctor after all." She answered with a sweet smile.  

"It's not like your compliment made me happy!" Chopper smiled and started to clap his hands and buried his face on his palms hiding how red his face turned. Robin chuckled at Chopper's reaction and appreciated how cute the teenage boy was.  

"I should show you your apartment. You'll be living on the third floor." Robin gestured for the three of them to climb up the stairs. Robin went first while Zoro and Chopper followed. "The only apartment mates you'll have here are me, I live on the first floor, as you guessed and Usopp who lives here on the second floor." Robin gestured at the door they were facing when they climbed up the first set of stairs.  

There was a loud explosion that surprised Zoro and Chopper. Zoro immediately pushed Chopper behind his back out of instinct while Robin just chuckled in amusement.  

"Don't worry, Usopp's a mechanic you'll get used to it." Suddenly they heard running and shouting from the inside of the apartment. "Oh I think he's burning himself alive," The landlady said with a smile on her face.

This surprised both Zoro and Chopper, they couldn't hide the horror on their faces. The door swung open and they were greeted by a comical face that had both his eyes and tongue out in a spiral manner.  

"ROBIIIN!" Chopper shouted in surprise and Zoro instinctly grabbed the face and to his surprise, a mask was in his hand and he gazed at it for a few seconds before looking at the man standing at the door.

The man with curly black hair tied in a bun and long nose laughed. "That was an amazing greeting, wasn't it? That was how we used to greet worthy people who didn't need to go thru a trial to live with us." The guy pointed himself with his thumb and he looked very proud of his obvious fake story.

"Really?!" But Chopper didn't know it was a lie. He was impressed with the man because even though he nearly scared Chopper to death it was still a unique way of greeting new neighbors.

"Yeah! I got a whole bunch of tools inside from my adventures, Do you wanna see?" Before Chopper could say anything, Zoro stopped him because he knew Chopper would say yes. His whole face lit up with excitement when he heard the word "adventure" come out from Usopp's mouth. "Okay buddy, let's unpack first."  

"I'm Usopp by the way! Just come back later if you want!" Usopp grinned and waved goodbye to Chopper. Robin, Chopper and Zoro climbed the stairs once again and when they got to the top they were greeted by a blue door.

"Now this is your apartment. It's a two bedroom apartment which also includes a balcony." Robin keyed the lock and opened the door. She gave a key to Zoro and smiled. "We can talk about the payment some other time. Just settle here first. I can see you both look like you need some sleep. You can park your car anywhere in the parking lot on the right side of the building"

"Thanks, We'll knock once we're done with the unpacking."  

"The moving truck already arrived here first so your things should probably be already inside. Well then, I'll go down now. Just knock on my door when you need something" Robin once again smiled and winked at Chopper before she climbed down the stairs.

"Let's get inside then." Zoro and Chopper slowly entered the door. When they entered their new apartment they were first greeted by the shoe rack and a door for the closet. If they look at their left side, they saw a hallway that leads to a small bedroom. The boys decided to check what was behind the wall of the closet first. The apartment had an "open concept" type of feel to it since the walls were white and the living room area was connected to the kitchen and dining area in an L manner. Their furniture was placed on the corner and was covered by a large white cloth to protect it from the dust. There was a glass door that gives the place a natural light, though it was getting darker since the sun was setting. When they walked towards the tail of the L part of the apartment, they saw their kitchen lined up at the left side of the wall. It was the usual kitchen with a refrigerator, cabinets at the bottom and a sink, it was all white and black though. What wowed them the most was the oven and dishwasher, they didn't have one of those back at their old place. They went back to the hallway and they were greeted by two doors on the right side. They opened the first door and saw a washing machine and dryer inside.

"Zoro! We don't have to go outside to do laundry anymore! I'll take that off the budget now." Chopper exclaimed and made a mental note. He surely was loving the new apartment.

They got to the next door and it was the bathroom. They got to the end of the mini hallway and was greeted by the first bedroom. It was a small bedroom with a window in the opposite wall of the door. The moving guys placed Chopper's bed, study table, and bookshelf on the corner under a white cloth. There were about five boxes beside it too.  

"You like it?" Zoro asked with a smile on his face. He already knows the answer. It was all over Chopper's face.

"I do!" Chopper ran inside and started opening the boxes beside his bed to start unpacking and start decorating his room.

"Remember to wipe the dust first okay? I packed cleaning supplies on one of the boxes in the living room." Zoro reminded his little brother since he saw light dust on the walls.  

"I know!"

Zoro chuckled and continued to his room. It was the door at the end of the hallway. It didn't really look that much different from Chopper's except he didn't have a whole wall of closet, just a small one, and his window was at the side of their apartment balcony. Zoro looked at the scenery outside his window and saw that the sky was already dark.

"Chopper let's check the balcony first." Zoro knocked on Chopper's door where he saw him sorting out his clothes in his closet.  

The boys went outside and were mesmerized by the view. Living on the third floor, of course, had its perks and this was definitely one of them. They could see the city lights that were like stars that were twinkling in the sky. It was very different from their old city where at this time people were already turning off their lights to sleep, here in this city people were still outside getting to where they needed to go.

"I'm starting to love this place." Chopper said while gazing at the beautiful view in front of him.  

"So do I."

Zoro was awakened by the light coming from the window. He slowly opened his eyes and the first thought he had was where the fuck am I? He sat up and looked around his room and finally realized where he was at, oh right we moved. He slowly stood up, stretched his body, did some "light exercise" of a thousand push-ups to warm up and left his room. The smell of bacon filled his nose and he immediately knew Chopper already cooked breakfast for them.

"You should've just relaxed today." The man said as he entered the kitchen and saw Chopper cooking pancakes which were a great partner for the bacon.

"I'm just cooking breakfast Zoro, and it's already pass nine and I'm very hungry." Chopper answered as he flipped the pancake. "You do remember that I'm supposed to go to the university today right?"

"Oh shit, was that today?" Zoro couldn't hide the oh shit expression he had on his face. Of all the days he would forget it was the day they would visit Chopper's new campus for the first time. Chopper placed the last pancake on a plate and Zoro picked it up to place on their table.

"Yes, it's today at 1 pm" The boy took a bite from his food and picked up his phone from the side of his plate. He scrolled through his emails and showed Zoro the message he received from his new school.

"So you've got admission things you need to do." Zoro read the email and saw that Chopper needed a guardian since even though he was a college student, he was still underage.  

The boy nodded and they silently finished their breakfast. Zoro told Chopper to get ready while he washed the dishes. After finishing the dishes, Zoro sat at their sofa and was in deep thought. Now that they were at Marie Jois city, he needed to find a job to support their finances. He still had backup money that could maybe last for a couple of months but after that, they would be broke. That money was what he won from his races the past few months, he started racing like crazy before they moved since he knew they needed money. He could apply for part-time jobs around the city to cover up for their bills but he knew he still wanted to race. There was a certain euphoria he felt every time he was on the wheel and he certainly liked that winning feeling he had whenever he comes first place. It wasn't an official racing match like the world cup but it was so rewarding to win a race. If he wanted to race around this city he needed to see what type of racers this city had. He knew that Marie Jois City was known to be a racer's den at night, racers from around the world come to the city and race to be the best. Despite its government to be very strict with their road rules, the roads here were definitely a good place to train himself and tune his car up to be able to beat Mihawk. To introduce himself to the racing community, he needed someone to show him where the race usually takes place and fill him in about who was the best.

The knock on their door interrupted Zoro's thoughts. Zoro stood up and opened their front door and the first thing he saw was a long nose.

"Hey there! I know you're new here and you don't even know where the bus stops are. I've got some free time today. Do you want the Great Usopp to tour you around?" Usopp wiggled his eyebrows. Zoro was unsure of what he should answer. He was very cautious of whom he interacts with since he didn't know if the guy was a bad guy that could be a bother to their lives.

"Usopp! Maybe you could show us where Marie Jois University is?" Zoro nearly facepalmed himself when Chopper easily accepted the man's invitation. Chopper just got out from the shower and he had a towel over his curly hair. Not that he was judging so badly since when Zoro double looked the man he didn't have any bad aura coming off of him.  

"Oh right, Robin told me you were accepted for their scholarship! That's amazing but not as amazing as me!" Usopp said with a grin. "I can take you there. What time do you need to be there?"

"Did you just call me amazing?! I'm not that amazing! " Chopper tried to hide his face with the towel he had on top of his head. The boy just couldn't take compliments.

"We need to be there at 1." Zoro answered and accepted Usopp's invitation. There's nothing he could really do here since Chopper seems to like the guy and maybe even Usopp knows how the street works.

The three of them were finally ready for their errand of the day and their first trip together as a group. They said goodbye to Robin and headed outside to the parking lot and stopped in front of two cars that were under a brown and violet cloth.

"We take our cars here very seriously, they're our babies. That's Robin's car under the violet one." Usopp grinned, a very proud one at that. It was like he was preparing for this moment his entire life. He was just going to show them his car.  

The cloth revealed a dark red car, the same color as the Doritos nacho cheese flavor. The car's hood was long and big that even without opening the hood you could already determine that the car's engine was a different class from normal cars. The headlights looked like they were the eyes of a robot and the brake lights had three of those faces that scared Chopper and Zoro yesterday. The mirrors were shaped like wings. The hubcaps of the wheels were colored gold and were shaped like a star. The top of the trunk also had a small spoiler attached to it. Finally, there were only two doors on the side of the car that makes it look like a two-seater car but when you take peek on the inside there was a seat that could fit two people on the back.

"Isn't this a Toyota Supra?" Zoro said with awe as he eyed the car from the hood to the trunk. "Weren't they faced out during the early 20's?"

"Yeah, the base is a Toyota Supra but I changed the inside completely. I also added some touches on the appearance as you can see." Usopp winked. "This baby..." He slapped his car roof to emphasize his next phrase. "Can run faster than a jaguar."

"Wow! That's amazing Usopp! Are you a street racer?!" Chopper asked with sparkles on his eyes, clearly amazed by Usopp's car and Usopp himself.

"Hmmmm... Am I?" The long-nosed man placed his thumb and pointer finger on his chin, as if he was thinking of something deep. "I know you're amazed by me and have a lot of questions but we should get going. You guys might get late."

Usopp unlocked his car and opened the driver seat. He bends the seat to let Chopper enter the seat at the back. Chopper happily entered his car and was amazed by how comfy his seats were. The ride to Marie Jois University was filled with funny stories Usopp told that were not lies. He told them of a time he was driving his car so fast that he was able to climb the mountain walls by driving upwards.  

"You're a street racer aren't you?" Zoro asked randomly since his curiosity was eating his brain. Besides the obvious fact that his car was pumped up, there were multiple buttons beside the wheels and the shift had an additional gear.  

"I'm the best one out there!" Usopp answered proudly. Zoro rolled his eyes, he knew he was lying but Chopper believed him. "I do race, but I don't always do it. I enjoy racing but I enjoy building cars for racing more." There was silence between the three of them as Usopp made a turn and entered a gate that had a sign above that read "Marie Jois University". They were met by an intersection that had signs which directed to the buildings of the different majors that the school offered. Usopp made a right turn to lead them to the Medicine Building. Along the way, Chopper saw students walking at the sidewalk with a pile of books in their arms and he never felt this excited to learn new knowledge about medicine.

"If you're interested I can upgrade your Civic but you have to meet my crew first." Usopp said barely audible but Zoro understood what he said. The car was slowing down indicating that they were at their destination.  

"I don't deal with crews." Zoro sternly answered. He prefers to work alone. He was a lone wolf and thought that crews were troublesome to deal with since those type of groups usually got into fights more often and he wasn't in the position for those since Chopper might get into the mess.

"At least just meet them first, they're not that bad." The long-nosed man said with a grin. "You have my number now right? Just text me after you're done with the admission process and we can meet up."

"Thanks for the lift Usopp!" The small curly-haired boy exclaimed with an excited expression on his face. He was basically beaming. Zoro got down first and bent his seat down to let Chopper out of the car. He waved goodbye to Usopp as the man drove away.

When they turned around to face the school they saw a large white building that looked like a coliseum. Large words were printed on top of the door that said "Marie Jois Medicine Department". There was a fountain in the middle that has a statue of two snakes winding around a winged staff, a symbol of medicine, in its core. Students were walking around with multiple books on their hands and their eyes were as black as a panda. Everyone and everything looked different from high school and Chopper suddenly felt overwhelmed by everything.

"Zoro, I think everyone here is on a different level." Chopper said with an intimidated expression on his face.  

"And you're a level above them." A simple sentence like that was enough for Chopper's worry to fade. His brother always knew what to say when he felt lost and he knew that Zoro was always there for him and it made him feel like he could do anything. Zoro slapped Chopper's back to slam the boy with confidence again. "You've got this."

"I've got pain in my back." The boy joked as he rubbed the place where Zoro slapped him. Zoro was a tall and muscular man so a simple slap on his back was enough for Chopper's lungs to come out.

The two brothers entered the school building and the inside was just as amazing as the outside. Though the outside had an old but elegant feel to it, the inside had a modern design.  The entrance hall had a huge staircase that leads to a second floor where they saw students were reading books and lounging around. There were four huge doors that lead to different departments on the first floor. The first thought Chopper had was that he needed to hold his big brother's hand or he wouldn't find the guy for a week.  

"Where do we go?" Chopper said his thought out loud, he was worried that he would be late for his appointment, it wasn't a good image to start with after all.  The building had different hallways and rooms and it might take ages for them to find the admissions center. The only way they could get there on time is to ask how to get there.

"You're blocking the way." The boys turned around to see a black haired man with a very deep and black eyebags who had tattooed letters on his fingers that when put together spelled "DEATH".  

"You can just walk past us, there are no people around!" Zoro raised his eyebrows and looked around him to check if there were other people in the large entrance of the building. There were none, and the man could have just avoided them and went on his day.

"Zoro...  We are blocking the way..." Chopper said in a low voice. He didn't want trouble before he could even start going to classes.

"Oi Law, don't scare them." A man wearing a white lab coat came up to them. He was wearing eyeglasses and he had blonde hair on top of his head but the sides were completely bald. Somehow, he reminded them of a pineapple. "I'm guessing you're looking for the admissions?" He questioned with a smile.

"Yes." Chopper answered the man. The boy glanced at Zoro, who was having a staring contest with Law.

"I'll take you there. I'm Marco, a professor at this university and this..." Marco placed his hand on Law's shoulder and gave it one light slap. "is Law. Despite him looking like a criminal, this guy is a graduating student and the top one at that." Chopper looked at Law in a different light. At first, he thought the guy was a delinquent but now he sees him as a star student. He thought the guy must be very grumpy because he was staying up all night to study and do school work, he can see it in the guy's eye bags.

"Go to your class, Law. You'll be late." Marco looked at Law and shooed him away. Law gave the brothers one final look before he turned his back and walked to his class.  

"Don't worry, he's a pretty nice guy if you get to meet him better. He's not in a great mood this morning because of school work. Now then, shall we?" The professor smiled and gestured that they climb the stairs. He escorted them all the way to the admission area where he told them to sit down at the reception and wait for a while. Marco gave Zoro a clipboard to fill up Chopper's personal information while they were waiting.

"This is it Zoro." Chopper whispered while watching Zoro filling up the form. Zoro grunted to acknowledge what Chopper said. They knew they would move to Marie Jois City but it felt like a dream that when they wake up it would go away but now that they're here with their fancy new apartment and Chopper's new amazing school everything finally felt real for the both of them and they're proud of how far they come. They both waited patiently on their seats and after thirty minutes Marco came back and asked for the clipboard.

"Sorry, the dean got busy with work so he asked me to process your admission instead uhhh..." He looked at the clipboard to see the name of his client. "Mr. Chopper?" Marco questioningly looked at Zoro because he thought the name didn't quite fit the guy. Zoro made the no motion with his head and pointed at the actual Chopper beside him. The professor made a questionable expression with his face at first but then he immediately lit up like he remembered something.

"Oh! You're that genius kid the faculty's talking about!" Marco exclaimed with a huge grin on his face. "Everyone's excited to meet you!"

"Don't call me a genius! It doesn't make me happy!" Chopper hid his blushing face in his hands. He couldn't take the compliment that the whole faculty knows about him and recognizes his talent. The thought gave him a confidence boost. Marco looked at Zoro to ask if Chopper was okay and the green-haired man nodded his head in response. The pineapple-haired man chuckled.

"We'll just do a short orientation." Marco leads the two boys to an office where they talked about the requirements for Chopper's scholarship. The man explained that the boy needed to maintain an above average GPA to maintain his scholarship and that it only covers the whole tuition for his years at the university. So the money to buy for books and medical equipment needed to come out from their pockets. If the school also needed a student volunteer they'd need Chopper to be there to help them.  Marco showed them the school curriculum and available subjects they had for the semester. He suggested that Chopper shouldn't rush since they still had a month before the semester starts but he also told him to pass the schedule he wanted two weeks before. Marco made Zoro sign a contract about the conditions for Chopper's scholarship. The school knew Chopper was still underage so they made his guardian sign for him and included him to the orientation just to be sure that they know what the boy was about to go through. After a short two hour talk with Marco, they finished the first step of the admission process and told them to come back with the schedule.  

"I'll see you in class then, Chopper." Marco said while shaking the boy's hand. After their exchange, the brothers left the room and walked to the exit of the school building where they texted Usopp to come and pick them up.

"Well, that went well huh?" Zoro ruffled Chopper's hair as if telling him that he did a good job and that he was very proud of him. Before Chopper could answer there was a loud grumble from his stomach.

"Hungry?" The man asked and Chopper nodded in agreement.

"I've got packed lunch in my bag, we could eat it while waiting for Usopp." Chopper opened his backpack and took out the lunchboxes he made, he figured that they might get hungry while waiting and that a homemade lunch would cost cheaper than eating outside. The two brothers found a tree near the road where they sat down and ate their lunch. It was a nice spot where Usopp can easily spot them. Usopp replied that he might be late because he visited a friend on the campus and that he was still with them which was fine for the boys because they didn't have anything else to do that day and a short picnic was nice. They ate their lunch while talking about how the university will be for Chopper and after they had their fill Zoro fell asleep laying on the grass while Chopper read the curriculum and available subjects Marco gave him.

It was silent until a loud screeching sound of tires and explosive sounds of engine disturbed their peace. Chopper looked around to see where the noise was coming from but all he saw were students, who were also chilling on the school grounds, shook their heads and facepalmed and just had this expression of "not again" in their faces.

When Chopper faced the road, he saw a small white car speeding. The bottom half of the car, as well as the hood and side mirrors, were colored black. It was too far away to see most of the details but he saw that the windows weren't tinted so you could see a silhouette of a person with a strawhat sitting on the driver's seat. There was a red Ferrari behind him trying to catch up but the white car suddenly burst speed as flames from the back of the car erupted. The car suddenly stopped on the nearest tree to where Chopper and Zoro were sitting under. There were tire marks on the road and Chopper could hear laughing from the white car. The Ferrari stopped beside the white car and rolled down the window in the passenger's seat and started shouting. It was amazing how Zoro was still asleep during the whole act.

"REMEMBER THIS STRAWHAT." A man with blue hair and a big red nose stuck his head out for a second to look at the white car's driver and stared at him to try and intimidate him. But Chopper could hear a loud laugh from the white car, the clown man looked irritated and just drove away in defeat.

"I'll beat you as many times as you like Buggy!" A boy with a stawhat stuck his upper body outside as he shouted and waved goodbye to Buggy. Now that the white car was closer, Chopper saw the plate on the back of the car that said "KING" and taillights that had three X on each side. There were three exhaust pipes on the back and the hubcap was also shaped like an X. Chopper stood up and walked to see the details on the front side of the car. He saw that the headlights were slanted on each side and that the hood was wider than most cars but the thing that interested him most was the word "TRUENO" in the middle part of the bumper.  Overall, the car looked old but the thing still beat a Ferrari at full speed.

"You wanna race me?" Chopper didn't notice but the boy at the driver's seat got out of his car and was watching the boy while he was examining his car. The freckled boy noticed that the driver had black hair and a scar on his left eye. A huge X scar was also visible on his chest under his white thin shirt. Chopper was curious about the scar since he looked too young to have such big injuries but he was a racecar driver after all.

"Ah! I'm not a racer so..." The boy looked disappointed with Chopper's answer but before he could say anything a loud grumble could be heard and Chopper looked at the boy.

"I'm hungry, do you have any food? I'm Luffy by the way!" The sudden change of topic surprised Chopper but the expression of hunger from Luffy's face was something he couldn't resist. Chopper scanned the place where Zoro was sleeping, looking at the lunchboxes that were spread near the man and remembered that he still had some fried eggs left, it was food for dinner but it seemed like Luffy needed it more. "I think we've still got some food left."  

Luffy clapped with joy and followed Chopper to their picnic place. Chopper handed him the eggs and he looked at the food with sparkles in his eyes. It was like he saw fried eggs for the very first time. He positioned himself to sit on the grass not noticing a certain green-head sleeping right below him. Before Chopper could warn him, Luffy sat on Zoro's face and like right on cue Luffy felt some air he needed to release and right there and then he did.  

Zoro immediately woke up and pushed Luffy away coughing for some fresh air. Luffy not only laughed at the sight in front of him, which happened because of what he did but also because he didn't know a man can blend so well with the grass. Zoro layed on the grass again taking deep breathes to rejuvenate his nose that took a huge bomb from some asshole. He was about to kick someone's ass for that.

"I like you both! You should join my crew!"  

Zoro stood up and walked towards Luffy. He grabbed Luffy by the collar and looked directly in his eyes with a menacing look but Luffy kept on laughing. Chopper knew where this was going and he was scared for Luffy. Most of the time Zoro was calm but when he gets angry, he really gets angry that he can beat up a person until they can't walk anymore. To avoid the worst to happen, the boy tried to calm his brother by pulling his shirt. It was a small gesture but it was something.

"Oi, Luffy!" As if an angel came down from heaven, Usopp came just right on time to stop the fight that was about to spark. The long-nosed man closed his door on the driver's side and walked towards the group. "You like them? They're the two brothers I was texting to you about!"

"They're funny! This guy..." Zoro released Luffy from his grip and the strawhat boy patted his hair to emphasize his next statement. "looks like the grass! And that little guy there gave me food!"

"So you do like them?" Usopp asks again not really getting the answer he wanted from Luffy.

"I do! And I want them to join the crew." Zoro swatted Luffy's hand out of his head.

"We're not going to join your crew! What crew do you even have?! A pirate crew?!"

"As I said before that I AM the captain of my own crew, Luffy here is the captain of another crew that I am in, I took pity on them because they need my greatness!" Usopp answers while pointing himself with his thumb. Zoro knew he was lying but Chopper still believed him and even Luffy did too! Now that he thought about it, Zoro confirmed that Usopp was a streetcar racer and if this boy was their captain then he must be the best one in their crew. It would be a good idea to race Luffy to warm up to the racers of Marie Jois City.  

"Whatever, I don't care about your crew. Let's just race to see who's the best one here."

"I won't take no as an answer. Whatever you might think, you and that small guy there are in our crew now." Luffy answered confidently. It was like he didn't understand what Zoro was saying and just kept on making the decision for them.

"You don't have to join the crew if you don't want to, Luffy’s just a bit stubborn" Luffy looked at Usopp with a scrunched face, obviously disagreeing with what he said. "What do you mean they don't have too? They're already in the crew!" Usopp looked at Luffy again in disbelief but sighed in defeat and facepalmed to try to slap the headache away. "Forgive him, he's just like this."

“Are you sure he’s just a bit stubborn?” Zoro mocked Usopp’s statement earlier. They looked at Luffy who was picking his nose reaching far for a treasure inside his nose. He was really a stubborn man.

“He’s a pain in the ass but he’s a good captain, not like me though, but anyway! You guys should meet our crew!”

"I want to meet them they seem fun!" Chopper said in a nearly inaudible voice. The boy was quiet for a while that Zoro almost forgot he was there. The look in his eyes tells Zoro that he seems excited to meet these people, it was new since Chopper was a very shy boy and he doesn’t open up to just anyone. Maybe this crew was a good thing for Chopper’s development. Although they still won’t join Luffy but maybe they might hang out with them sometimes.  

“That’s it! They’ll like you little guy!” Luffy agreed giving him a wide grin and a thumbs up.

"Let’s go then." Everyone was looking at Zoro and waiting for his approval. It was really hard to say no at this situation especially when Chopper asks for something, he rarely asks for anything after all. When they all heard his approval, they all cheered like little kids who got candies.  

Zoro didn’t agree to ride with Luffy since this was the first time they met and he really wasn’t sure if he was a safe driver not for him but for Chopper. So, the two brothers were sitting in Usopp’s car while Luffy was right in front of them to lead the way to their crew hideout. During the car ride Usopp was telling them stories about their crew. They were called the "Strawhat Crew" and they were well-known within the city and they were gaining popularity outside. He told them that one day Luffy was visiting his city, Syrup City, and he beat some street racing punks that were causing trouble within the city. The punks then left the city alone after Luffy confronted them. A funny thing was that Syrup City wasn't really fond of street racers so they didn’t see him as a hero but acknowledged the deed he did. Luffy then asked Usopp to join him and he decided to come with him to Marie Jois City to start a new life and live his dream of building fast race cars and that was the reason why he was living at the best city in the world.  

The two brothers were amazed by his story. It didn’t seem like it was a made-up story like what Usopp usually tells all the time the details seemed too real. Whatever the case was, what Zoro got from the story was that Luffy wasn’t that bad of a guy. He seems like a great guy to be Chopper’s friend.  

Their ride ended when they got to the far end of Marie Jois City where the road meets the sand and the sea. Usopp’s car stopped in front of a huge building, the top part had a big lion head with rays that were supposed to be the fur surrounding the face in a circle. For a hideout, that large thing pretty much gave them away. There was a huge garage door that automatically opened and following Luffy, Usopp entered and parked his car inside. When the two brothers got out of Usopp’s car they saw multiple cars parked inside a huge gray garage and the cars were hidden under a cloth like the mechanics didn’t want anyone to see what they were making.

"Our builder likes to keep his projects hidden so you'll see a lot of those here." Usopp pointed to a row of cars under clothes and each cloth had different colors. It was like the cars were coded for a specific person. He gestured the two brothers to follow him towards a door. They opened the door to find a huge room with wooden walls that makes them feel like they were inside a ship. It really felt like the crew hideout was a legitimate pirate crew from the seas. There was a long bar with different alcohol drinks displayed, a huge U shape red sofa in the center of the room with a large flat screen TV in front of the seat. A large aquarium on the wall where a variety of fish can be seen got Chopper’s curiosity. The feel of the room was homey and Chopper and Zoro felt comfortable and hungry because there was a delicious aroma of food coming out of the door on the other side of the room.

"SANJIIII! ARE YOU COOKING? I'M HUNGRY!" Luffy burst from the door behind them surprising the two brothers. "Sanji makes good food." Luffy told Chopper with saliva falling down from his lips. With a statement and expression like that and with an amazing aroma within the room, how can Chopper not believe him. The boy followed a hungry Luffy to the kitchen door where they disappeared.

"Don't worry about them. The only thing you should be worried about is Chopper getting too fat from good food." Usopp chuckled thinking about a cute little chubby Chopper. He walked towards the sofa and sat down and gestured for Zoro to come sit with him. Zoro took Usopp's word and felt less worried about where and what Chopper was doing at the moment. The boy knows what to do if something comes up anyway. Besides for Chopper to make friends, he also had another agenda why he came with them. He needed to meet these people and see if he can get any information about the different crews and who needed to beat to be the best in this city.  

"Oh, hey Brook! Where's Franky?" Zoro didn’t see the old man sitting on the couch, not until Usopp talked to him at least. He was very thin that he almost looks like a skeleton, he had a big afro black hair, and he wore a nice suit. Overall, he looked very fancy.  

"Ah! Usopp! He's with Nami. They went to get some gears for Nami's car." Brook looked at Zoro and gave him a warm welcoming smile. "Who might this be?" He questioned as he acknowledged Zoro’s presence.

"This is one of the guys who moved in the apartment above me. This is Zoro." Usopp patted the green-haired man’s shoulder who only grunted in response, he wasn’t really feeling chatty that day.  

"Are they the guys Luffy texted Franky about?" Brook stood up and walked towards the corner of the room to get a violin case. He removed the instrument from its case and started checking if the tune of the violin was in perfect shape.

"Yeah! They are." Usopp answered.

"Well then, I should play a song for our new friends." The old man started playing his violin and a soft song can be heard inside the room, it was relaxing and Zoro felt peace after a long crazy day but the short moment of relaxation was interrupted when they heard a scream coming out of the kitchen.

"LUFFY! YOU'RE EATING ALL THE FOOD BEFORE I EVEN GET TO SERVE IT." A man's voice echoed throughout the whole house. Luffy was then thrown out across the room with a huge steak on his mouth and another two on both of his hands. "I jufst whantedf toof tasfte ift." He said while chewing his food, they really couldn’t understand him because of the food on his mouth but they knew he was just trying to defend himself.

A man with blonde hair covering his right eye, which Zoro thought was really ridiculous, came out from the kitchen with plates on both of his hands. Chopper was right behind him with a single plate too. They went to the bar and placed the food on top of the counter.

"Thanks Chopper, you're a good boy." Sanji said with a smile. The man got a fork, knife and plate from the counter drawers and gave Chopper a slice of the steak. Chopper was shy to receive the plate of food at first but Sanji looked persistent and the boy gladly accepted it. The first bite of the steak brought Chopper’s taste buds to heaven because the meat was so soft and the juices were oozing out of the meat that gave it additional taste that he couldn’t resist.  

"I take it that you like it." The blonde man chuckled and lighted a cigarette that he placed on his mouth. Chopper’s expression gave it away, he couldn’t talk because of how good the food tasted like. This was the first time he tasted anything so good.

"This is really delicious!" Chopper said while he was slicing the steak into pieces. He couldn’t wait for another bite. "I never tasted something this good in my life before!"  

"Right? Right? Sanji makes the best food in the world!" Luffy spread his arms out to give emphasis to his statement. Sanji kicked him in the head because he knew the reason why he spread his arms like that was to get food from the plate again.

"So, are you going to introduce these two new friends to us Luffy?" Sanji looked at Luffy expecting him to act like a captain at this moment. Although he respects his captain’s decisions, he still needs to be wary of the two new recruits.  Though Chopper looked too pure to be a bad addition, he was actually happy that Luffy asked him to join.

"I never asked their names yet." Luffy answered with a laugh.  

"Why do you do this." Sanji facepalmed not really knowing what he expected because Luffy was their captain after all.

"I'll introduce them to you!" Usopp stood up from his seat and pointed at Zoro. "This is Zoro." He then pointed at Chopper. "And that, I guess you already know, but that is Chopper! He got a scholarship at the Medicine Department at Marie Jois University! And he’s only fifteen years old!"  

"So, you're a genius boy." Sanji ruffled Chopper's hair who was still enjoying his piece of steak. Chopper choked and looked at Sanji with a blush on his face. He still didn’t know what to do when someone compliments him.

"Don't say that! I'm not that smart!" Chopper said while he hid his blushing face on his hands.

"He can't take compliments," Usopp answered Sanji’s confused look and the blonde man nodded, understanding a part of Chopper’s personality.

"Oh what! You're a doctor?" Luffy looked at Chopper with sparkles in his eyes, clearly impressed with what he said. "That's so great! Now we have a doctor in our crew!"

Chopper dropped his knife and fork to bend down on his knees, hide his face and kept saying. "I'm not that good!" Everyone except Zoro were laughing at Chopper’s cute reaction. The phrase “joining the crew” were words Zoro didn’t want to hear from anyone in the room since they really weren’t going to join. It was a dangerous world and he didn’t want Chopper to get caught up in something that might ruin his life.

"We're not joining your crew." Zoro interrupted the fun and had a stern look on his face. Luffy looked at him and studied his expression for a while then he grinned, the next thing he said surprised everyone inside the room. "Want to race then? If I win you'll join us. If you win, I'll let you go." There was silence in the air as it got heavier and intense.

"Zoro, they're not bad people." Chopper stood up from his crouching position and looked at his brother. He was trying to coax him to join the crew without any race or fight. It didn’t really seem like they needed persuading because he himself, wanted t to join the crew.

"Things might get dangerous and you still got a huge future ahead of you." Zoro was trying to be a responsible brother for Chopper at the moment. This was a decision he had to make for themselves. "I'll race you tomorrow for it. But Chopper's out of that bet. You got it?"

"I better be out of that bet because I'm joining this crew! I believe I’m matured enough to make my own decisions now." Chopper looked at him and Zoro saw how upset his brother was getting. This was the first time he answered him like this. It wasn’t like he didn’t trust Chopper to make his own decisions, Chopper was the one making the household decisions after all. But he knew the world of street car racing more than him.

“You can’t race you’re too young!” The green-haired man shouted making the air in the room heavier since this was a fight between family.

“I’m only saying that you both should join the crew, not race with the crew. Everyone here has their own thing that helps the crew move forward to be the number one.” Luffy spoke like how a captain would respond to the situation. Everyone looked at him in shock because of how responsible Luffy sounded, he wasn’t all food and games after all.

"Fine. Do your own thing." Zoro said as he was looking at Chopper who was sending a thumbs up sign to Luffy. This was his defeat, Luffy and Chopper had their points and he knew that whatever happens he will be there at Chopper’s side.

"Let's race tomorrow night then." Luffy grinned returning to the challenge at hand. The strawhat boy had a look on his face that said that Luffy was so sure that he was going to win the race. It fired up Zoro's determination to win and beat Luffy’s grinning ass so bad. If he was going to join this crew, even if he didn’t want to but the opponent won fair and square, the captain needed to earn his respect anyway and the only way he could do that is if he beat him in a race.

"If you want me in your crew, you need to earn my respect." Zoro stated his condition and looked at Luffy in the eyes to try and intimidate him but the boy laughed, he looked amused by the whole situation.

"I really want you in my crew now."

The door suddenly opened and revealed a man with blue hair who was wearing speedos and a woman with long orange hair wearing jeans and a plain black shirt. They stopped and looked at each of them with a confused expression. Both of them could feel the tension in the air.

"What's with the heavy atmosphere?" The blue-haired man said removing his sunglasses and putting the box he was holding on one hand on the floor.

"NAMIII!" Sanji bent his knee in front of Nami and held a rose he grabbed somewhere in the room. "You still look beautiful as ever." Nami rolled her eyes not interested in Sanji’s rose but she looked at Luffy who was still grinning from ear to ear. She followed her gaze and found a man staring at Luffy and a boy who seems scared. "I'm guessing those two are the "two new friends" you found this morning."

"Yeah! Chopper's joining us and he's a doctor." Luffy dragged Chopper in front of Nami. The teenage boy gave Nami a small wave too shy to say something but Nami gave him a warm smile, welcoming him to his new home. "Zoro wants to race with me first before he joins." He said again pointing at Zoro. He was still so sure that he's going to win and Zoro didn’t like that one bit.

"Are you the boy Robin's talking about?!" Nami clasped his hands and pinched Chopper's cheeks. "You are so cute!"

Chopper slapped Nami's hand away and hid his blushing face in his hands "I'm not that cute!"

"Wait, you know Robin?" Zoro asked Nami curiously.

"Yeah, she's in the crew too." Nami answered. Zoro looked at her in disbelief he never thought Robin was a type of person that raced. He turned to face Usopp with a confused face to get some explaining he wanted to hear.

"I told you we take our cars seriously. I thought you'd get the hint." Usopp said shrugging his shoulders.

"I didn't think you were so dense, Zoro"  Zoro heard Robin’s voice and a chuckle after her sentence. She entered the main door and looked at him with amusement.

"Alright! We're all here!" Luffy raised his hands and ran to the counter aiming for the food but Sanji kicked his face away before he could devour everything again.

"At least Introduce us properly to the guests..." Sanji danced over to Robin and took her hand and placed a sweet kiss. She doesn’t seem to mind his actions. Robin just looks at him and chuckles. "Right ROBINNNN" He said with those heart eyes again, so does he do this to every woman he meets? Zoro thought how stupid that blonde guy was.

"I’m gonna go first! I'm Franky, The engineer of the crew. Just tell me what you want and I can make the modifications to make your car extra SUPER!" Franky said as he placed his two arms together above his head completing his star tattoo. Chopper’s eyes sparkled because of how cool Franky looked in front of him. He wanted to get to know him more since he looked like a chill guy he could hang out with and maybe he could learn a thing or two about cars.

"I'm Nami, I'm a cartographer. I can make it easier for you to win a race with secret roads but you'll need to pay me." She said while doing an okay sign but obviously it meant money. Zoro could benefit a map from Nami he thought how it would make memorizing the roads at his new city easier for him. Maybe he could talk to her later about the price.

"I'm Brook, I'm a musician. Luffy said he wanted to have a musician in the group! I understand him because music makes everything fun!" The old man laughed as he played a brief piece on his violin. Luffy was nodding in agreement to what Brook said. Zoro guessed no one understood why Luffy wanted a musician in a street car racer crew since all they could hear during races were their engines.

"Sanji. I'm a chef." Sanji didn’t seem that interested in his introduction but he did give Chopper a smile since he was getting too fond of the boy.

"I know you know me but I'll tell you my role here. I'm a mechanic. I help Franky with the modifications!" Usopp said while pointing at himself with his thumb.

"I'm a historian and I just find this crew very interesting." Robin chuckled as she got confused looks from Zoro and Chopper. But it gave Zoro an idea how and why she joined the crew, maybe she was one of those who stood on the sidelines to get information.  

"I'm Luffy! Captain of this crew and the future king of the roads." Luffy said with a grin on his face.

"Everyone's so great! I'm Chopper and I'm going to start studying as a Doctor and that's my brother Zoro, he's a street racer." Chopper pointed at his brother who just stood there silently. Though they were introduced a million times they still needed to introduce themselves, it was different and seemed appropriate.

"Luffy, I think you'd be happy to know that Zoro's one of the 11 rookies that popped up two years ago with you" Robin said with delight on her face. Zoro was surprised to know that the woman knew about him. But it wouldn’t be that surprising since she was a historian, they get information everywhere and maybe she uses her connections to get information of racers outside their city.

"What?! I didn't know you were that good!" Zoro was his brother but he didn't know that his big brother was one of the best. Chopper knew why though, he knew Zoro wanted him to live in the sidelines. But there wouldn’t be no harm in knowing your directionally challenged brother was a top racer in the whole wide world!

"If you're aiming for the top then it'll be troublesome if you're in my crew." Luffy had a serious expression on his face for the first time after they met. He looked like a lion who was defending his title in his pride.

"I don't plan on being the king. I just need to beat the guy who gave me this scar." Zoro briefly showed the whole crew the wide long scar he had on his chest. Luffy looked at him curiously that prompted Zoro to go on with his story. Why Zoro was explaining these things to someone he just met he doesn't know himself either. He wasn't planning on joining the crew but he was opening a private part of his life. "Mihawk's known to be the best driving a Civic and I want that title. I challenged him two years ago but he beat me and told me he finds potential in me and that I should come back and challenge him when I'm prepared."

Luffy once again became silent and looked at Zoro for a little while and grinned ear to ear, he was impressed with the man's determination. "Is that so? Then you're in my crew again." He said with his hands on his waist while he laughed a giddy laugh. "Enough with this and let's have a party for our two new members!" Luffy grabbed Zoro and Chopper in a tight hug. Chopper was laughing with his new friend but Zoro had a pained look on his face.

"I said I'm not joining!"

The party started with beers in their hands, besides Chopper, of course, he had apple juice. Brook played his violin while Luffy, Usopp, and Franky danced and sang with him. Chopper wanted to join the fun of course but he was cornered by the two women who were interested in dressing him up that they were already planning when they were going shopping with the boy. They also asked questions about his interests and how he got into medicine. Chopper told them that when he and Zoro were still in the orphanage he met two doctors who came to their place for a random check-up. They told stories of what doctors do and he got fascinated by their tales. Since then, Chopper started reading medicine books and made it his goal to treat every disease in the world.

"So, are you and Zoro not blood-related?" Nami asked curiously.

"Nope, but we're brothers." Chopper said with a grin and Nami lightly ruffled Chopper's curly hair. He was right, being brothers weren’t only about being blood related but about how they treated and respected each other. "If you'd let us, this crew can be your family too."

"Why did you join the crew?" Chopper asked while sipping his apple juice, it was to hide the huge blush creeping up from his face and tears that were forming in his eyes. He really liked the crew and thinking that the crew can be his family made him feel warm and safe.

"Luffy invited us and like how he's doing with your brother, he doesn't take no as an answer." The orange haired woman sighed while Robin chuckled beside Chopper. "But Luffy helped us..." Nami played with her glass of wine with a happy expression on her face. "Just know that even though Luffy’s an idiot, he’s the best idiot captain. We've got different stories about him but we’ll tell you about it another time. Let's just enjoy the night." She grinned and dragged Chopper to where the boys were dancing and they joined the fun.

Zoro was happy that Chopper was having a nice time with his new friends and maybe, possibly, his new friends too. Even if he didn’t join the crew, they can still be his friends, just with different ideals. He was silently drinking his beer while sitting on the couch, chilling, watching the whole crew having the time of their lives. His peaceful time by himself is going to be ruined soon because Sanji sat down beside him.

"Luffy will beat your ass so just accept his offer already." The blonde man said as he was giving his cigarette a huff. He was pretty chill for saying such an offending statement to Zoro.

"What the fuck did you just say?" Zoro looked at Sanji and he was ready to punch the person in front of him because no one in his entire life disrespected him like that and got away with it

"I'm not saying you're a weak little shit, which probably you are," Sanji smirked earning him a murderous glare from Zoro. "But Luffy seems to like you and he won't stop until you just give up and say yes."  

"Well, he better gives up unless he wins tomorrow." The green-haired man answered. He was considering if he should beat the man up but for Chopper he won’t. This was a night of fun for his brother and he doesn’t want to ruin it for him so he decided to change the subject by asking a question that was bothering him ever since they got to the place. "How did you guys find this hideout?"

"This is a garage my friend used to have." Usopp slid down the couch and joined in their conversation. He drank a few gulps from his beer and wiped sweat out of his face. The man probably got tired of dancing and needed downtime. "Her name's Kaya. She gave this to us because she wanted to support the crew. I let Franky live here because he basically lives here anyway since he works on the cars day and night. It’s better for the building too because someone will take care of it."

"The hideout's location is far away from the city center so no one randomly knocks on the door. I can work in peace here." Franky sat down beside Usopp and chilled with the men sitting on the couch. The dancing stopped since Luffy and Chopper went to the bar to get some food to energize themselves while Brook chatted with the ladies probably about how nice the new additions to their crew were.  

"I can add modifications to your Civic if you'd like." Franky wiggled his eyebrows like it was a physical way of telling Zoro to accept his offer. Zoro was actually considering it because if he wants to beat Mihawk, he needed to upgrade his car and skills. Franky looked like he knew what he needed to do and with the addition of Usopp’s ideas, the car would have awesome enhancements that would exceed any civic model.

"These two are the best mechanics in the world! So, you really should let them upgrade your car!" Luffy jumped behind Usopp and Franky and pulled them into a hug. It was like he was showing how proud he was of his crew members.

"Sounds promising," Zoro agreed to what Luffy said.  

"Great! We'll start doing the blueprints after your race tomorrow." Usopp did a thumbs up with his hands. It was a done deal and Zoro couldn’t be more excited to see what upgrades they would do to his car. Luffy then dragged Usopp and Franky back to the dance floor and continued to party. Sanji left the couch to join Brook and the ladies and he had those heart eyes while he was talking to the girls. He looked really stupid to Zoro. When he saw his big brother alone again, Chopper went and joined him on the couch.

"Sorry if I'm being a hard-headed kid today." Chopper said in an almost faint voice. Zoro didn’t know what Chopper was being sorry for, the kid was having fun with new people he met. He was growing and spreading his wings and bit by bit tearing down that wall he made to keep strangers away. It was a proud moment for Zoro.

"I don’t know what you’re sorry for but whatever it is just forget about it. I do see that this crew seems different from the other crew I interacted with, they’re nice people and a good environment for you." Chopper's face lit up since it was rare for Zoro to warm up to people. "But I still need to see how capable their captain is."

"Whatever, do your thing. I know myself that I’ll feel at home here because I can feel that they’ll treat me, us like family”

Maybe. Just maybe, Zoro thought the same too.  

Zoro started his day with a quick workout in their living room. If he wanted to win that race, he needed to be in his top shape today. He even did a minimum of 1000 pound weight for an hour. After he did his morning routine, he cooked breakfast for him and Chopper. The boy was still sleeping because they partied until 3 AM and that was past his usual bedtime so Zoro let him sleep until noon today. His race with Luffy was set at 7 PM near Merry so he still had time to tune up his car.

"G'mornin" Chopper said with a yawn as he entered the kitchen with messy hair and puffy eyes from his sleep. The boy sat down and Zoro put his plate in front of him but the boy's head was still nodding off.

"If you're still sleepy you should've just stayed in bed." Zoro grunted not really understanding why Chopper ate his breakfast while his head was still in dreamworld.

"I wanted to do my schedule today." Chopper sleepily lifted his fork and started picking up his eggs.

"You've still got a month to do those." The man had a confused face.

"Yeah, but I wanted to check if I can get classes with Dr. Hiluluk and Dr. Kureha. You know they're one of the reasons why I applied to Marie Jois University." How could Zoro forget about those two names, Chopper didn't stop talking about them since that check-up they had like seven years ago. He kept up to date about their achievements and even decided to go to the school where they taught at to see them again.

"Do what you gotta do, I'll just be downstairs tuning up my car." Zoro quickly finished his meal and politely asked Chopper to wash the dishes which the boy happily obliged to do. The man spent his entire afternoon checking if his engine was in top shape and if his car still had gas and if his tires were still good. Three hours before his race, Zoro went up to take a bath and meditate in his room. Now that his car was in top shape and that he physically felt that he was in his best form, the next thing he needed to do was mentally prepare himself. He needed to stop thinking about anything else and clear his mind. He can't race with a troubled mind after all.

"Zoro, we need to leave now." Chopper knocked on his door and slowly opened it to peek inside. He saw Zoro half naked sitting on the floor cross-legged and meditating. The man opened his eyes and looked at his baby brother. It was finally time for his first race in Marie Jois City. “Usopp said he’ll show us the way to the race track.”

On the way to their meeting place, Zoro rode alone in his car following Usopp who was in front of him. Chopper was with Usopp because he didn’t want to bother his big brother that much and he wanted to hear more stories from Usopp. The boy did warn Usopp that Zoro was directionally challenged and this surprised the long-nosed man since Zoro was a street car racer, how does he win races if he didn’t know where we he was going? As they were talking about Zoro, Usopp glanced at his mirror to check if Zoro was still behind him but not much to his surprise he didn’t see Zoro’s car. They looked for Zoro and herded him to the right path. That cycle went on for about three times before they got to the place.  

They passed by the hideout and kept following the road until they got to the end part of the beach where they saw a mountain beside it. The whole strawhat crew were already there and they were all looking at the cars that stopped in front of them since they were already late for about an hour. Chopper, Usopp and Zoro got out from their cars and joined the group.

“Before anything, I just want to say that this guy is unbelievable.” Usopp was the first one to speak, he pointed at Zoro to emphasize how bewildered he was about the guy. He was the first one from Marie Jois City to experience Zoro’s unusual talent.

“Whatever! Let’s just start the race!” Luffy looked so impatient from waiting too long.  

“Let’s start the race first before we talk about what happened.” Nami agreed with Luffy because she wanted the race to finish quickly.  

“How do we do this?” Zoro asked Nami since she looked like she was the one officiating the race.

“Since this is an unofficial race, we won’t need any judges though a contract has been set. If Luffy wins you join the crew if Zoro wins Luffy leaves him alone.” The girl looked at both the racers and they nodded in agreement with the “prizes” the race had.

“Unofficial race?” Chopper didn’t know that street racing had rules they had to follow. He looked so confused that Usopp explain everything to him.

“There are two types of racing in street racing, the official and unofficial races. Unofficial races are usually the fun racing where they won’t bet anything big that might destroy their reputation so these races don’t need judges. Official matches are the ones where crew fights happen and this is where “contracts” happen. Contracts are what each side place as bet, most of the time captains bet their cars, money or their hideouts. Though there are times where they fight for a title that brings them closer to challenging the yonko or the top four racers where when you beat them you become the king of the roads. Judges come in the official races to make everything fair, to make sure no one cheats.” Usopp finishes his explanation and now Chopper understood the world of street racing better.

“The race type will be a sprint, the first one to come down the mountain wins.” Nami points to the top then to the makeshift finish line they did. “Both of you should get into positions.”

Zoro and Luffy started to drive towards the top of the mountain. The night was silent except for the noise from their car engines. The road was dark but the street lights gave enough light to see what was in front of them. It built up their excitement for the race. When they got to the top, Zoro was in awe when he saw the view. Marie Jois City was indeed a city that never sleeps because he could see the city lights from the top and the starry sky added a little sparkle that made the whole scene in front of him more beautiful.

"It's beautiful huh?" Zoro heard Luffy shout from his car. He looked at the boy from the driver’s seat and saw his goofy smile. "We'll have a picnic here with the whole crew next week!"

"As if I'm going!" Zoro quickly answered. It’s not like he has all the time in the world to relax, he needed to find a job to pay the bills after all. Luffy grinned ignoring what Zoro said and closed his car window.  

"You two get into your position!" Nami's voice startled Zoro. He looked around to see if she was there but the only thing he saw was a drone that was above their cars. Luffy reversed his car and got into his position while Zoro did the same.

"Ready?" The two boys showed a thumbs up sign in the rear-view mirror so the drone can capture their signal to let Nami know that they were ready for the race.

"START YOUR ENGINES!" Nami’s shout echoed throughout the empty road. They could hear the cheers from the crew as they both geared up their cars. This was Zoro's first race in this city even if this wasn't an official race where money or reputation was involved, he would still take this seriously. This was a good warm up for him.

"IN 3..." He cleared his mind and stared at the road in front of him. This was really it. It was really happening.

"2..." Zoro clutched his steering wheel tightly and he could feel his palms sweating from excitement.

"1..." He could hear his heartbeat not from fear but from the thrill to be on the road again.

"GO!"  

Zoro and Luffy dashed from the starting line at the same time. Their cars darted from the starting point to the curve ahead of them in seconds. The incline of the mountain road added a little more speed to their cars. For normal drivers it was dangerous and they needed to slow down to be careful but for racers the incline was a natural boost. Zoro could feel his palms sweating from his tight grip on his steering wheel.  

The two racers got near to the first curve of the road. This was a part where he could gain the first spot easily by drifting ahead. As they approach the curve, Luffy grinned and pressed a button beside his steering wheel that gave him a speed boost. Zoro could swear he saw rockets come out from the side of Luffy's car. With the speed boost, Luffy easily took over the race and passed the curve in just a few seconds and he was in front of Zoro.  

As Zoro passed the curve Zoro saw the two rockets from the side of Luffy's car fold and go deep inside somewhere within the vehicle. Zoro grinned, this was a thing that Marie Jois city racers had, rockets and power-ups and he was excited to beat this challenge without any of those powerups. He shifted his gear and pressed his pedal at full and his car was blasting the road away like how Luffy's car did, though he was still behind the strawhat boy. He could see another curve coming up from the road. The man couldn't remove the grin from his face, this was his chance.

As Luffy drifted at the curve Zoro saw an opening and shifted his gears, pressed the break and swerved right in front of Luffy. As he looked at his side mirror, he couldn't see Luffy and he smirked knowing that he was going to win the race. As Zoro continued driving he got confused because he couldn't see the city view from his right side like he used too. All he could see was trees and darkness and he swore this wasn't the road they passed by when they drove up the mountain. Maybe the road changed? or maybe he accidentally took a shortcut?

He kept driving and driving which felt like it took him hours until he saw the whole crew's back. Zoro could hear shouting from the distance and some loud engines that was nearly drowning the voice of the shouting person. Were they in trouble?

He parked his car behind them and got out of the vehicle and slammed his door shut. It was loud enough for the crew to know that he was there because he saw Chopper running towards him.

"What's happening? Are you hurt? I told you joining a crew was a bad thing! Just stay behind my back." Zoro instantly turned into big brother mode. The shouting and engines made him worry for the boy. It wasn’t like he wanted to diss crews so much but he was doing it for Chopper’s sake.

"I'm not hurt Zoro, I was more worried for you because Luffy got here first and said he didn’t see your headlights behind him. He told us when you drifted around the second curve you disappeared." Chopper answered calmly and crossed his arms. There was amusement in his face. How can he not be amused?  "So, you got lost. How do you even win races?"

"Oh, just shut up, I'm not used to the roads here yet." Zoro answered and an old red truck passed by their side followed by two other cars that seemed like they were in pursuit. Zoro got worried and pulled Chopper to his side but the boy seemed unbothered. Chopper pulled Zoro’s shirt and pointed towards the crew, he nodded and they walked to join the small crowd.

"BUGGY! JUST GET OFF THE CAR ALREADY."  A mysterious voice shouted from one of the three cars in pursuit.

"Shouldn't you all be worried about this?" Zoro asked Nami as he stood beside her, she had this unimpressed look on her face and as Zoro observed the others they all had the same bored expression.

"Well, we should be, but they're all idiots so I don't bother," Nami answered and looked at Zoro. Her bored face change to a delightful look as she saw something that interested her. "So how are you a racer if you get lost mid-race?" You can see the amusement in her eyes. Zoro rolled his eyes to ignore her enjoyment in his situation. He watched the cars again to understand what was going on.

"Who are they anyway?" He asked.

"That old red truck is Ace's car, one of Luffy's older brothers. Buggy stole it, he's the one driving it right now." Nami pointed at the red truck going circles around beach. "Those two behind him are Sabo, Luffy's other older brother and Marco, a very good friend of Ace, they're on the same crew called the Whitebeard Pirates."

"Whitebeard Pirates? That's one of the most popular crews! Isn’t their captain one of the Yonko?" Zoro was surprised to know about Luffy’s ties with a member from a well-known crew. Not that it intimidated him but more like it didn’t look like Luffy was someone who had connections. "And didn't Luffy beat Buggy in a race a few days ago?"

"Yes, and Ace and Marco are one of the top members in that crew." The man from Chopper’s school, who he almost had a fight with, stood beside Zoro and casually joined their conversation. Zoro was confused to see Law at the beach with them. "Buggy probably wanted to take revenge on Luffy. I was with Marco and Sabo when Buggy stole the car, I came with them here but I’m not stupid enough to mindlessly follow Buggy in circles. Does that answer your question?” Before Zoro could say anything snarky they were interrupted by Luffy’s loud voice.

"Oi Zoro! Where did you go? But you lost anyway so you're in my crew now!" Technically Luffy did win the race and Zoro was officially in the crew. He had to accept that fact since he did agree on the bet so he had nothing else to do Zoro wouldn’t back down on his words but he still didn’t consider Luffy as his captain, the boy needed to do something to earn his respect.

Luffy jumped and wrapped his arms on Zoro and Law's neck. "Zoro meet Torao! Our crews are good buddies!" The two men in Luffy’s grip were struggling to get out from his hold but he was strong for a thin boy.  

"OI STRAWHAT!  RACE ME!" Luffy released the two men when Buggy stopped the truck in front of them. He rolled his windows down and glared at Luffy.  

"Sure!" Because they knew Luffy so well, it didn’t surprise the whole crew to see him accepting any challenges their captain gets from his enemies. Luffy gave Buggy a thumbs up to physically show that he was up to the challenge.

"Luffy?! Are you just gonna ignore the fact that he stole Ace's truck?!" The two cars that was follow Buggy pulled up in a corner and the drivers got out to join the commotion. Sabo gave his little brother a light slap on the head to wake up some senses in him.

"Ace is strong, why should I be worried?" Luffy looked at Sabo with a confused expression. They both know that their brother was strong and that he was capable of beating Buggy into a pulp himself so why Sabo was so worried Luffy didn’t understand.  

"He's only strong because of the power-ups of this car" Buggy said with a sly grin on his face. Luffy's mood shifted from happy to angry in just a few seconds and everyone became silent.  They all knew that when someone talks badly about the people that’s important to Luffy he gets ballistic. It was very sweet of him to protect his loved ones even if they weren’t there. Luffy looked furious when he returned his attention to Buggy, it might have scared the blue-haired man for a bit but he kept on going in his act.

"What did you just say?"  

"You know you heard me."

"Even if he isn't using that car Ace could still beat your ass." Luffy slowly walked closer to the truck to get nearer to Buggy. He was itching to punch some senses to the clown’s head.

"I doubt it" Buggy laughed at his own joke but his cheerful moment was stopped when Luffy punched the side of Ace's truck to get his attention. That punch might have made some dents to the truck but Luffy really didn’t mind though a silent Franky was already planning on how to deal with the small damage his captain has done to Ace’s car.

"Let's race Buggy, I'll show you even with all those power-ups you can't beat me or Ace. It's not just about the boosts it's pure skill and Ace has that, you don't." Luffy challenged Buggy and the clown was up to the challenge, this was his revenge plan after all. He wanted to rile up Luffy and beat him in his most serious mode to show the world how weak he was. Buggy knew he wouldn’t beat the boy if he used his own car so he stole Ace’s car to add chances to him winning and to rile up Luffy. It was a win win situation.

"I thought you'd never ask."

The match was set at the road between the strawhat’s hideout and the mountain where Zoro and Luffy raced. The Strawhat crew placed a finish line sign at the end point of the decided meters of the race and Luffy and Buggy's car were already at the starting point. The whole crew knew that this race was different from the 'casual races' Luffy usually does so Franky double checked Luffy's engine and tires if they were in top shape. He was almost done with his 'last minute enhancements' for the car while Buggy was fiddling with the controls of Ace's car when Sabo called the two racers.

"Buggy, Luffy, come here." Luffy and Buggy walked towards Sabo and faced each other not once backing down from the intense eye contact they had. "Shall we make this an official race?"

"Yes." They both answered simultaneously.  

"Then with Me, Marco and Law being neutral we will become the judges of the race. What will you place as your bet?" Sabo nervously looked at Luffy, although he was considered a 'neutral' person at this event because he wasn't in Luffy nor Buggy's crew, he was still Luffy's brother and he knew exactly what Luffy will place as a bet for the race. And he really wasn't sure if that was a good idea.

"Ace's car." Luffy smirked and everyone around him sighed. Sabo facepalmed himself, this was his brother after all. He knew what was in Luffy’s mind at this point.

"It isn't your car but you place it as a bet?" The clown was laughing his ass out. He couldn’t believe the unusual contract he was making with one of the craziest racers in Marie Joise city. "I bet this car too but if I win, I also want your car."

"Sure."  

"WHAT, LUFFY?!" Usopp shouted and you could hear the dismay in his voice. Both he and Frank had done so much work on that car that they’ll trade their own cars for it. "WE WORKED SO HARD FOR THAT CAR?!"

"Like I'm gonna lose." Zoro was impressed with Luffy's confidence in his skills. If the boy showed a bit more of his respectable aspects Zoro might just consider him his captain and pledge his loyalty to him. The fact that Luffy fought someone because they dissed his brother was already commendable. Zoro fully understood what Luffy felt.

"With the contract done, get inside your cars!" The racers had one last look at each other then slowly walked to their cars. They got inside and made themselves comfortable in the driver’s seat when Sabo walked towards the center of the starting line with a flag in his hands.

"Start your engines!" Luffy keyed his car and riled up his engine. He needed to be serious this time, though he was always serious during a race.

"3!" Luffy breathed in trying to calm himself down and to prepare himself for his competition.

"2!"  

"1!" Though the racer themselves weren’t nervous the audience outside felt the excitement.

"GO!" Sabo waved the flag and both the cars passed by so quickly that he felt his hair got messy, which it actually did.

The race started with Buggy and Luffy neither in the lead. They were in equal standing but the quick sprint would end soon and both needed to make their move immediately if they wanted to win. The clown felt his sweat dripping from his forehead to his face, he glanced at the wheel and saw the different buttons that had different commands. He knew that those were his key to winning the race but he didn't know which one he should press.  

Buggy gave a quick glance at his left side and he saw Luffy grinning from ear to ear like he knew he was going to win the race. He bit his lip; he knew he had the best car in this race why was Luffy still catching up to him? A mere lemon can't compare its engines to a powered-up truck! Luffy’s crew did say that they did upgrades to his car but Ace's car also had upgrades that were greater than his and with the most advanced technologies the mechanics could touch.

In his moment of self-doubt, he didn't notice Luffy was going faster than him. He panicked and pressed a random button on the wheel. The car then had four rockets come out of its side and gave him the extra boost he needed. Buggy started laughing and thanked his great luck.

Luffy grinned as Buggy was passing him quickly. He pressed on his clutch and changed his gears to gear third and slammed his right foot to the accelerator to give him a boost to catch up. The strawhat boy was just warming up after all. The boy then flipped a switched on his stick and different gears were added to his arsenal. On the side of the fourth gear came out "Boundman", "Tankman" and "Snakeman".

It was the middle of the race and Buggy was still on the lead but Luffy was at his tail. Luffy once again changed from the third to the fourth gear and he was faster than before. He could distinctly hear Buggy laughing. The pace both racers had was consistent until they were near the finish line. When Buggy saw the finish line he changed his gears and pressed another button that gave him a nitro boost and he aligned his car in front of Luffy so he couldn't speed his way up. Luffy grinned at the challenge.

At the finish line, Chopper was waiting with half of the crew members since the other half was at the starting point but they were in a car behind the racers so they had the full view of the race themselves. They were watching the race from afar and they were feeling nervous about the outcome of the race since they saw Buggy was on the lead.

"Luffy would win, right?" Chopper asked Nami who had a blank expression on her face but her eyes were glued to the two cars.

"He will." She answered. Nami was quiet but she knew her captain would win.

Luffy looked directly at Buggy's car with a smirk on his face, he knew Buggy was looking at him at his rearview mirror. When both of them were just seconds away from the finish line, Luffy moved his stick from the fourth gear to the "Snakeman" below it. It gave his car an immense speed boost and he swerved to the right and quickly passed Buggy. He pulled his handbrake to drift in front of the clown to cross the finish line first. Everything was a blur for a moment and Buggy's jaw just dropped in surprise.

"The winner of the match is Monkey D. Luffy!" Sabo got out from his and announced the winner loud and clear. Everyone cheered and ran to Luffy to congratulate him. As everyone cheered Buggy quietly slipped away. Law saw him and told Luffy.

"The clown is running away Mugiwara-ya." He pointed at Buggy's running form.  

"Buggy! Thanks for the great race! Let's race again someday!" Luffy shouted loud enough for Buggy to hear. It wasn’t the reaction they were expecting, Law thought that Luffy would run after him but he guessed that beating Buggy in a race was enough for Luffy.

As everyone was talking to Luffy, Zoro contemplated for a second, he was impressed by Luffy's way of racing. Luffy had the skills that could beat anyone and the boy was someone Zoro could actually follow and swear to him until he was the king of the roads. He cared for his crew and family too. His crew wasn't all that bad either, they were like family and Chopper and him would enjoy that type of companionship. The green-haired man had finally decided.

He walked towards Luffy and everyone became silent. Zoro held his hand in front of Luffy for a handshake. "Nice race, Captain." Luffy grinned and returned his handshake. It was a simple sentence from Zoro but the whole crew knew that he was officially a member not only because he was forced to but also because he saw how capable Luffy was.

“So, we’ve got a new family?” Chopper stood beside Zoro as they were looking at their new crew in front of them.

“Yes, we do.” Zoro ruffled Chopper’s curly hair.  

This was only the beginning of their new life at Marie Joise City.

[hollandorks]

Hotlanta

Chapter 4

Summary: A fun night in Atlanta forces the reader into a fake relationship with celebrity Tom Holland in order to save both of their careers.

Disclaimer:  This is a work of fiction, entirely made up by me for me. I don’t necessarily condone the behavior in this fic, nor do I actually know Tom, Harrison, or the other real-life people who feature in it. Because of this, they might not always act like themselves based on what we know about them.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2  Chapter 3  Chapter 4  Chapter 5  Chapter 6   Chapter 7   Chapter 8  Chapter 9   Chapter 10

Word count: 4172

Author’s Note: IMPORTANT: I’m pretending in this chapter that the LA Infinity War premiere happened in May, as was originally intended. Also, I know I ignore a lot of stuff that actually happened at the premiere and gloss over it, but I wanted to focus on the relationship, not the events. See if you can spot one of my favorite tropes in this chapter (it’s super obvious). As always, thank you for reading and please give me feedback because (honestly) it’s the number one motivator for posting more often. That’s just how it is. Give feedback for stuff you like! Not just for me, but all authors. Enjoy! 

Y/N–Your Name

“We’re taking a what?” you spluttered to Tom.

“Private jet,” he repeated slowly. “Marvel’s taking care of travel and expenses.”

You stood in stunned silence. It had been almost a week since you’d visited the Spider-Man set. Almost all of your evenings since had been spent with Tom, minus Sunday. Zendaya had called to invite you over to borrow her stylist--with Tom footing the bill, as promised--and you had spent the day with him working his magic and crafting a look for you. She had another event to plan for and had already had the stylist fly out to Atlanta.

“How do you feel about gold?” he’d asked. You weren’t sure whether that meant the dress or the jewelry or both, but you’d seen the outfits Zendaya had worn and decided to trust him. He was the professional, after all. That, and gold and purple were sort of the “theme” for the premiere.

“Okay, so Marvel is paying for me to go? I’m going for free?” you stuttered. You thought that you and Tom would be taking a regular plane. You followed Tom to the car and driver that would be taking you to the airport.

“Well, it’s work for me, so really they’re just paying for me to go.” He winked. “But since you’re my plus one, it extends to you.” He gently tugged your overnight bag from your hands and tossed it in the trunk with his own.

“Chivalry is dead,” Harrison sighed as he placed his own bag in.He was going with you to the airport, but would be flying in a regular plane around the same time you and Tom left.

“Hey,” you said, struck with a sudden thought as the car pulled away. “If I’m your girlfriend, does that mean Harrison is my assistant too, when he’s on set?”

Tom considered this. “You know, I think it does. Harrison, do anything Y/N says from here on out.”

Harrison looked betrayed. You and Tom couldn’t help laughing at his expression.

At the airport, security ushered you through to a private tarmac after a short goodbye with Harrison.

The jet was amazing. You’d never been in anything other than the cheapest plane seats, and thought your eyes might pop out of your head as you stared around at all of the lush seats and features.

“So,” Tom said once the plane levelled out in the air. There were too many clouds to see anything of the ground. “Tell me something I don’t know.” When you looked up at him, he was smiling.

“Um, I’ve never been to California,” you ventured.

“Me neither,” said Tom in such a casual way that you almost believed him.

“Yeah right, movie star,” you said. It took you a moment to realize why his expression changed; you remembered the story of how his dad used the nickname to piss off Tom. You grinned, hoping to ease the tension. “Tell me something real.”

And just like that, Tom was smiling again. You’d learned that much in the past week--he smiled easily and laughed often and couldn’t hold a grudge to save his life. You’d taken to trying to embarrass him, which wasn’t as easy as it sounded.

“I’m legally not allowed to get sunburn on my face while filming this movie.”

You snorted in surprise and tried to cover it up with a cough. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, I walk around on set with a giant umbrella. The tan lines have to match from scene to scene. They put sunscreen on what’ll be exposed every day.”

He started talking about his experience filming the Spider-Man movie. He mentioned a specific scene, looking at you expectantly.

You stared guiltily back. “I, uh, haven’t seen it.”

Stunned silence. “What?”

“I’ve been so busy the past year, getting ready for this internship, that I haven’t had time to see any movies. I haven’t seen any Marvel movies since...Doctor Strange?”

Tom’s mouth was hanging open in shock. “You haven’t seen any of them since then? Black Panther? Thor?” You shook your head. “But--but we’re about to go see Avengers! Why didn’t you tell me this sooner, we could have spent all week catching you up!”

You shrugged. “It didn’t seem important. I don’t mind being spoiled.”

Tom sighed and rolled his eyes.

You talked and joked until Tom dozed off in the middle of a sentence. You took a sneaky picture of him sleeping with his mouth partially open and sent it to Harrison--because of course there was free, not-shitty wifi--for just a little bit more revenge for the stunt double incident.

As the two of you were ushered through the airport and into a car waiting to take you to the hotel, Tom kept up a steady narration. You wondered if he was trying to distract you from thinking about the premiere that was just in a few short hours. If he knew how nervous you were. No matter what you did, you couldn’t help imagining, over and over again, tripping on the way into the theater...in front of thousands of people and cameras. More than once, you were convinced you were about to throw up at the faintest thought of the event.

So nervous were you that you barely paid attention to the lavish hotel, courtesy of Marvel. A bellhop led you and Tom to the elevators and up several floors to your room. You thought Tom was talking about the only other time he’d stayed in the hotel, but couldn’t be sure over the loud, incessant pounding of your blood in your ears.

Before you knew it, you were standing in the doorway of the hotel room as the bellhop closed the door behind himself.

You walked forwards and saw the enormity of the room first and the enormity of the bed second. One bed. Only one bed. Your anxious brain took a long minute to process the lack of another bed.

Tom snickered. “Looks like we’ll have to share.” He gave an over-exaggerated wink.

“Ha ha, what a hilarious prank, Tom,” you said flatly. You looked around for the door that would lead to your room. “Where’s my room?”

Tom’s smile faded a little. “Uh, about that. Turns out, since we’re dating, Marvel provided us with a single room....” Silence stretched and expanded between you.

There was a couch in a corner, a miniature living room. You grabbed your bag and put it on the couch. “I’ll sleep here. It’s no problem.”

“What, don’t want to share?” Tom teased. Upon seeing your expression, he amended, “Don’t be stupid, I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“It’s your hotel room, you get the bed.”

“You’re doing this for me, though. You get the bed.”

Impatience reared its head in your chest, born of the constant anxiety you’d been feeling all day. “Take the damn bed, movie star.”

Tom glowered and crossed his arms. You mimicked him. You wouldn’t break. He’d sleep in the damn bed whether he liked it or not.

He finally sighed, went to the bed, and pulled some pillows and the extra blanket off of it. You tried unsuccessfully to hide your triumphant smile. He set out the blankets and pillows on the couch...and flopped down on top of them. He crossed his arms again.

“You take the bed,” he repeated smugly.

You threw your hands up. “Well, we can’t both fit on the couch!”

Tom smirked. “We could.”

You rolled your eyes, but glanced at the bed. “Why don’t we just...both sleep on the bed?”

“Oh, so you do want to share?”

You ignored him. “It’s huge, We can just, like, make a pillow wall in the middle. It’s practically a mile across.”

Tom shrugged, moved the pillows and blanket back to the bed, and flopped down on it in exactly the same way he had on the couch.

Before you could do anything else, there was a knock at the door. A team of hairstylists, makeup artists, and all manner of other people came rushing in like a tidal wave. A familiar man--Zendaya’s stylist--entered with two garment bags held aloft.

“Y/N, the bathroom is your dressing room tonight,” he called authoritatively, entering said bathroom and returning with only one garment bag. Half of the people split off and went into the bathroom. You followed with trepidation. No way the bathroom could be big enough for all those people.

You were wrong. The bathroom was huge, at least half the size of the room. There was an amazing, marble-walled shower and a jacuzzi tub big enough for a party. You slipped your travel shoes off and the floor beneath your feet was warm. Heated?

The little team of stylists--only four, not as many as it had originally seemed--got set up and plunked you into a seat to begin working.

“I hear this is your first big event,” the woman doing your makeup said as she brushed something cool across your face that smelled of lavender. “Nervous?”

“Unbelievably,” you murmured. Someone grabbed your feet and you let out a little shout of protest.

“Pedicure,” said a voice near the floor. You relaxed.

“Don’t be,” said the first woman. “Tom’s a natural. He’ll look out for you.”

An unnamed emotion blossomed in your chest. It was quickly squashed by nerves.

Time passed both slowly and quick as lightning. Before you knew it, you were being ushered into a small walk-in closet attached to the bathroom to put on your dress. The woman who’d done your makeup--Hilly--stepped in with you to help. She unzipped the garment bag and you saw a flash of gold before she began unceremoniously tugging your clothes off.

Is this how Katniss felt before the Hunger Games? you wondered a bit hysterically as the cool material of the dress slid over your skin.

“Ready for the first look?” Hilly asked and spun you towards a full-length mirror.

The gold dress was the first thing that caught your eye. With lace that looked like gold-leaf, it showed off the best parts of your body in a way you didn’t previously know was possible. It was simple, elegant, but the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen. You couldn’t believe it was real, that you were wearing it. You couldn’t believe you could look like that in such a dress.

Your makeup was understated, more natural, as was your hair. Everything had been designed to enhance you--you looked different, but still like you. There were little flecks of gold in your hair and around your eyes. It was fancy, but not too fancy.

“I--wow. I think I should date famous actors more often.”

Hilly laughed. “Should we show him?”

You knew she meant Tom. You were suddenly more nervous than ever--and not about the premiere. What would he think? Would he tease you about it? Would he like it? A brief flash of his warm hands on your thighs that night in the club danced across your mind and was gone. You nodded to both answer the question directed at you and to shake the image away.

The first to see you was the rest of your little team and the man who’d made the look possible. They all gasped and oohed over you while making tiny adjustments here and there.

“Everyone’s going to think you’re famous,” Hilly said with a mischievous grin.

“Well, I kind of am now, aren’t I?” you joked, though the impact of the words nearly choked you.

You led the way into the main room. Tom was looking in a mirror of his own and gently tucking back an errant curl. He caught your eye in the reflection, opened his mouth to say something, and froze.

“Wh--Hey--Wow, Y/N.” He turned around from the mirror. His eyes slid down and then up again as he took in the dress. He was dressed in a deep gray suit with no tie, lined with subtle gold, no doubt designed to compliment your outfit. The shirt underneath the jacket was purple. His hair looked more red than brown in the light. Without either of you noticing, everyone else had slipped away. He looked great. Better than great. Minutes had gone by without either of you saying anything, simply staring across the room at one another.

“Your hair,” you said unthinkingly. “It’s red.”

Tom laughed, though his cheekbones were tinged with pink. “How have you not noticed that?”

“It looks brown all the time!”

You were spared more humiliation by the chiming of Tom’s phone. The car was there, ready to take you to the event.

Tom held out his arm. “Ready?”

“No,” you answered truthfully.

As the car weaved through LA traffic to get to the theater, Tom gave you tips on interviews and pictures. The more he talked, the more nervous you got. You wondered for the millionth time what you’d gotten yourself into.

Tom seemed to notice. He reached over and brushed his hand against your arm. “I’ll be there the whole time. It’ll only be about thirty minutes to an hour for pictures and interviews, then the screening.”

You nodded, throat too dry to answer.

“If you ever want to leave, just let me know.”

You managed a smile. “Okay.”

The car pulled up to the premiere in what seemed like seconds after you’d left the hotel.

Tom stepped out of the car first amidst wild, shrill screams. He reached a hand back for you and helped you out. The volume increased tenfold. There were flashes, people screaming your name and Tom’s, and even some scattered applause. Tom’s hand settle in the small of your back. What felt like a stampede thundered in your chest.

Tom leaned in close which only elevated the screams even further. “You okay?” he asked. His fingers pressed into the bare skin of your back left exposed by your dress. You focused on the pressure of them, solid and warm.

“Yeah,” you said.

The first photo opportunity was not twenty feet down the carpet--which, you could see now, wasn’t that long, thankfully. Tom pulled you in close, posing like a natural. You straightened your back and smiled as a hundred flashes went off at once. You glanced at Tom to see what expression he was making. He caught your eye and smiled warmly. The photographers went crazy, shouting your name, telling you two to kiss, to smile, to pose in different ways and look in different directions.

Tom steered you away from the cameras.

“Well,” he said, close to your ear again to be heard, “seems like they love us.”

You were feeling braver now. This wasn’t so bad, not with Tom there. “Oh, don’t lie. They love me.” You winked at him.

“An interview is next--I’ll handle that, just wait off to one side.”

You did so, watching as Tom charmed the interviewer--and pretty much anyone else within a twenty foot radius to him.

“Who’ve you brought with you tonight?” the interviewer asked, though she definitely already knew based on how she was smiling at him.

“That’s my girlfriend, Y/N,” Tom said with a brilliant smile. He waved at you a little. The cameraman turned to catch your little wave back. “I thought everyone else deserved to see how beautiful she is.”

You flushed deeply and ducked your head while the interviewer let out an appreciative sigh. It’s not real, you told yourself. He’s just acting for the camera.

Near the end of the carpet, you somehow ended up in front of the cameras alone. You weren’t sure how it happened or where Tom had gone, but suddenly every eye was on you. Your smile faltered. You tried to look for Tom without looking like you were. You didn’t want the cameras to see how you felt inside--like your heart was going to explode out of your chest, like you were about to vomit, like you were about to run for it without second thought.

And then, there he was.

“There you are,” Tom said calmly. He wrapped an arm firmly around your waist and walked down the carpet a little ways where it was slightly less crowded. “I was just catching up with Chris, and you were gone.”

“Alright, Y/N?” he asked.

You started to nod, then shook your head. “Can we just--go inside?”

You thought he might deposit you inside and finish the interviews and photos, but instead he kept an arm around you, and took you inside the theater where it was much, much quieter. The knot in your chest loosened a little.

“I don’t think I like the spotlight,” you said after a moment. Tom finally released you.

“It’s hard to get used to,” he admitted. His brown eyes stared into yours. “We don’t have to stay. And you don’t have to do anything like that again. I’m sorry I even--”

“No, it’s okay,” you interrupted before he could continue on. “I’m your girlfriend, I needed to be here. Plus, I haven’t seen the movie yet, remember? And I--oh my god, is that Chris Hemsworth?” Your words choked to a stop as you caught sight of Thor himself.

As Tom introduced you to his costar, you somehow managed to keep it together and not sound like too much of an idiot. As he introduced you to other cast members--some of whom you weren’t as cool with, namely, Robert Downey, Jr.--you retreated further into yourself. Was this what it was like to act? You couldn’t remember much of what you said to anyone. None of it felt real. None of it was real. You weren’t really Tom’s girlfriend. This was all for show.

You barely noticed that you were shivering as you entered the theater. Tom, in the middle of a conversation with someone you didn’t recognize, wordlessly took off his suit jacket and put it around your shoulders. You inhaled his scent and found yourself vividly remembering the night you two had met. You looked at the boy next to you, pretending to be your boyfriend to save his career, and remembered what it was like to kiss him.

As you watched his hands move as he talked, you made yourself a promise. You wouldn’t fall in love with him. No way. You couldn’t afford to. He was out of your league. All you had to do was make it a couple of months, be his friend, and things would go back to….well, if not normal, things would go back to something closer to normal than this.

Don’t you dare fall in love with him, you told yourself.

The movie was amazing, of course. Tom was in much less of it than you expected, but his performance was great. You barely recognized him as Peter Parker despite having seen him on set switching between himself and the character. 

Tom seemed to enjoy the movie immensely. He gasped and laughed with the audience, tensed up during the action sequences, and had wide, unblinking eyes throughout the end scenes of the movie. 

“So,” you’d said on the drive home. “How are you in this next movie if you’re dead?”

Tom had only winked and remained silent.

As stressful as it had been, the premiere had effectively driven your biggest problem from your mind.

There was only one bed.

The moment both of you stepped into the room, Tom visibly relaxed. You hadn’t realized he’d been so tense.

“Now that’s over,” he murmured as if to himself.

You showered first, and quickly. You felt more and more tension leave as bits of gold washed out of your hair and down the drain. As Tom showered, you climbed into bed and under the covers. You put three of the extra pillows end to end in the middle of the bed. By the time you heard the water shut off you’d managed to calm yourself and settle back against the pillows.

It’s fine, it’s king sized, it’s not a problem--

Your silent self-reassurances were cut off with an audible choke as Tom stepped out of the bathroom in nothing but gym shorts, water dripping from his curls onto his bare chest.

You tried to cover up the sound you’d made with a small cough and hid your flushed face behind your phone as best you could. You peeked at him as he fumbled around and pulled out a phone charger. It took you by surprise, seeing him half naked. You were vividly reminded of how you’d ended up in this situation in the first place. Of him pressed against you, your back against a wall. Of your fingers finding the front of his jeans.

“Eyes up here, darling,” he said with a smirk. Your face was on fire. It’s not any different than when he’s in his swimsuit, you said to yourself, though it was completely different.

Your brain scrambled with a way to turn the situation around as Tom serenely plugged his phone in, still smirking. “Earlier, on the carpet, did you touch my ass because you’re my fake boyfriend, or because you like my ass?”

Tom whirled. “What? I didn’t--No!”

You couldn’t help the laugh that escaped. “I’m kidding. Or am I?”

He glowered as he sat on the edge of the bed and shook his still-wet hair like a dog. You covered your head with a complaint. He crossed one leg with his ankle over the opposite knee, the foot bouncing.

“What the fuck is that on your foot?” you asked.

“A tattoo,” he said without looking up from his phone. “Of a spider.”

“Wow, you’re a nerd,” you teased, rolling onto your side. You didn’t want to look at your phone, see how you’d made a fool of yourself in front of thousands of people. Tom asked about sightseeing the next day before flying back to Atlanta in the evening--this time on a regular plane--until he climbed under the covers on his side of the bed.

When the lights clicked off, it was if the bed became three times smaller. You could feel every movement Tom made as he got settled. You could hear every breath. You even thought you could feel the heat of his body begin to radiate towards you underneath the comforter.

“You know,” you said quietly, without thinking of the words you were saying, “if you’re my boyfriend I should get to know your deep, dark secrets.”

Tom made a small noise that sounded like half a laugh.

“Like, did you masturbate today?” You pressed your lips together to hold in the laugh.

A choking sound came from the other side of the bed. “I--you--what?”

“Man, you’re way too easy a target,” you laughed. “Two for two.” Apparently, it was easier to embarrass him with fewer people around.

“Fuck you,” he mumbled, but laughed after a second.

His face lit up in the dark as he checked his phone. Was he looking at pictures from the red carpet? Was he seeing the panic in your eyes? Was he noticing how obviously you didn’t belong to the same world he did?

You couldn’t stand it any longer. You opened Instagram and searched for the event. There were thousands of pictures, hundreds of them with you in it--and it had only been a few hours. You looked at the pictures that specifically tagged Tom and read the comments. And surprisingly, overwhelmingly, they were...nice. They ranged from They’re so cute together!! to She’s so pretty! and everything in between.

There were a few bad ones mixed in, and those were the loudest. Please don’t let them actually be dating, one said with a broken heart emoji. Another complained, I bet Tom doesn’t even like her. It’s probably his cousin or something and he’s just being nice. Yet another just said Ew! with dozens of exclamation points and vomit emojis.

You sighed a little and put your phone back beside the bed.

“What?” asked Tom, whose phone also clicked off.

“It’s nothing,” you said automatically.

“Tell me something I don’t know, then” he offered. You smiled into the darkness.

“It’s just hard to get used to the fame, I guess. Some people are mean.” You shrugged, even though he couldn’t see you.

Tom was quiet for a long minute. “It is hard. I still don’t think I’m used to it. You have to learn to ignore the comments people make, though. They’re always going to mean. What were they saying about you?”

“Just typical stuff--She’s probably his cousin and he’s being nice, that dress looks stupid on her, there’s no way they’re really dating.” You smiled ruefully. “They were right about part of it at least.”

“That dress looked amazing on you,” Tom said, as if it were fact. Heat flared in your cheeks.

“Thanks, movie star.”

He groaned then sighed. “Thanks for doing this,” he murmured, so quietly you almost didn’t catch it.

The silence expanded, and you thought that Tom had fallen asleep until he said, voice thick with sleep, “You better keep your hands to yourself tonight.”

You laughed and relaxed a little further into the soft bed. “Says the guy who grabbed my ass.” But Tom was apparently already asleep.

Don’t you dare fall in love with him, you thought again. It’s not real.

Tag-list 

@avengersinfinitybeard  @chasingsuperheroes @spidey-spooked @mendes-holland @thatdivlife @agirlwithpointlessideas  @fangirling-all-day-everyday @thefriendlyneighborhoodspidey @augurydemon @mj4president @abunchofsemicoherentwords @narnianlights @beautifullydisconnected @solarspidey @wowspideyholland @punkass-potato @wordsinwinters @peter-hollands @sexy-sea-basss @sherizaraiyah @chinalois @riverdalerebel @soldierstark @staaardustt @sidespidey @johnmurphys-sass @never-surrender-yourself @butterfliesslugswormsandothershi @aelin-firehearts-court @wonderyoung @fandomscombine @spider-mendes @queensholland @jinx4karma @hollands99 @isabellamozzarellla @marveltomjunkie @itsmyfuneralokay @clairesrainbow @penisprkr @let-me-luve-you @traveller-lover-dreamer @rowaelinfeyrhys @classicidiocy @i-love-superhero @lorewin @sithskywalkers @casualprincess77 @thisisthetragicstoryofme @annahenni @unreasonablyexcited @kosterfield @girl-in-the-chair @ohmwreckr @tomsfireheart @singleandlonely @peterparkyourassonme @infinityonfiction @dottirose @stevieboyharrington @jamiemac26 @shortiegardengnome @i-regret-this-already @its-livelovelife @theharrisontomytom @entersomethingcleverhere @dandockandburdalion @man-of-vibranium @styles-bucks @daringbanshee @pb-bonniegold @chronicles-of-jess @darlin-you-bitch

[gayerluke]

i need to make it clear that i am not struggling financially & am EXTREMELY lucky to be able to give my pets the absolute best care available to them. that is why the cat not only goes to the vet once a month but to a board-certified ACVIM diplomate – i know anon doesn’t actually know jack shit about actual veterinary medicine, but that means A Super Legit Internal Medicine Doctor, More Legit Than The Others. besides regular vet school, they undergo additional education for their specialty (the ACVIM is a college specifically for veterinary internal medicine, stupid typo) & additional board certification.

my cat was hospitalized & operated on this summer due to chronic systemic autoimmune issues that he has had ever since i got him, possibly due to the abuse/neglect he faced as a kitten. it’s a long story that some of my followers know but when i first got him he had a bad wound on his head (supposedly due to an “accident” but many vets i have seen agree that it was likely human-inflicted) that had been there for several months without treatment & was grossly infected. this has permanently impacted his health, but somehow this summer everything just went to shit all at once in 3 different body systems simultaneously. he ended up needing multiple nights in the ICU, x-rays, a CT scan, an endoscopy & rhinoscopy, both nasal & skin biopsies, & idk probably a lot of other shit i am forgetting, plus an off-the-menu medical board of several weeks bc i inconveniently had a trip scheduled in the middle of all of this. the only veterinary specialty hospital in town capable of all this is, naturally, the most respected as well as the most expensive. but i trust them because not only did i intern there & get to spend 200 hours behind the scenes seeing how seriously they take every single case, but because they have previously done 2 spinal surgeries on my dog, who is a dachshund & if you know anything about the genetic health problems of the breed, enough said. also the fact that i interned at such a nice place (an extremely coveted & competitive spot) is, you know, maybe more evidence that i kind of know what i’m doing.

you want to see how stupid ridiculously fancy this place is?

(this is just the ER, so only half of the lobby - other side is specialty)

(this is only about a third of ICU, they have a different section for every specialty department as well -- the whole hospital is 22,000 square feet!!!)

i have never been to a human hospital this nice in my whole life.

i have previously stated that i spent upwards of $3,000 for all of this. i had not actually calculated it. turns out it was uhhh…… very very upwards.

i spent $8,264 on a goddamn cat

anyway this was pointless but it’s bc i don’t want anyone to think i am struggling with my animals bc of finances. i have more than enough finances. i have too much fucking finances & if i wasn’t so stupid as to pick these silly sicko animals i’d have more available to donate to my friends who need it. but you never know when your cat is suddenly going to need $8,000 apparently. also picking the sickest animals is a curse of being in veterinary medicine.

[fatestemptress]

Paramount Remembrances - Chapter 8

Summary: Dean Winchester has reached a point in his life where he doesn’t have many firsts left to fulfill.  Except maybe falling in love.  This is the story of how he got there......and desperately tried to keep it.

Warnings: Bad words.  Some Angst here.  Mutual masturbation.   18 Plus ONLY!

Pairings: Dean x Reader

Word Count On this Chapter: 4,408

A/N: Soooo, I couldn’t keep my filthy little paws off of this fic and decided to write another chapter.  Thanks for all the awesome feedback!  You guys are awesome! 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  

Dean was thirty-one when he fell in love.   One month later, he realized he may be ill-equipped to keep it.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  

It had been bliss.  

For the first month.  

Frankly, Dean was surprised it had taken that long.  

They had been at a bar at a boutique hotel in a large city and his beautiful Y/N was doing that thing she does with her nose when she wanted to get something out of someone.

Namely men.

When she wanted to get something out of men.

She was smiling up at the potential suspect, her body encased in a flouncy flowered sun dress with a ridiculously low-cut top as she wrinkled that cute little nose up at something the soon to be dead man said.  

Dean growled low in his throat when he saw the guy place a hand in the small of Y/N’s back as he leaned over to whisper in her ear.

“Yeah, that’s enough of that.” Dean snarled, “He just officially became Captain Hook.”

His chair made a screeching sound as he abruptly sat up and made to move his way over to his girlfriend and chop off the hand of the guy brave enough to touch her when Sam’s hand shot out and grabbed at his forearm.

“No, Dean.  Sit.  Don’t you dare mess this up ‘cause you’re jealous.”  He said with a firm shake of his head, his long hair swaying with the movement.

Dean pursed his lips in indignation at his brother, watching as Y/N gave him a quick frown, “Pfft. I’m not jealous.  Aint got nothing to be jealous of.  So what if he’s a doctor with blindingly white teeth and a mansion.  Y/N’s not into that.”

Sam rolled his eyes and gestured for his brother to sit, “Yeah, she likes pain in the ass Hunters who don’t know how to let her do her job.”  Sam sat back as he sipped his beer, “You gotta trust her to do her thing. All signs are pointing to this guy being the lure for the vampire nest.”

Dean sat down with a huff but not before he sent a dark look Y/N’s way, “I trust her.  I don’t trust him.  Especially since he keeps putting his hands all over my woman.”

Sam sighed, “Y/N would cut you if she heard you talking about her like that.”

Dean couldn’t stop his grin, “Nah.  She thinks she doesn’t like it.  But she loves when I get all growly on her.”

Sam snorted, “No. She doesn’t.  Now sit back and observe or leave and I’ll be her back up since you can’t seem to control your caveman instincts.”

Dean felt his mouth settle into a pout, “Not being a caveman,” He mumbled, “Just don’t want the guy to touch her is all.”

As he saw Sam roll his eyes again and watch the bar, he really sat back and thought about his reaction to what was going on.  

Dean watched as Y/N sent him warning glances over the guys shoulder before smiling up at the possible suspect and raising a bare shoulder as she flirted shamelessly.

And as his gut twisted again, his breath was caught in his throat as he realized that he was jealous.  All those feelings of inadequacy bubbled up from his stomach into his throat to effectively choke him off.  His eyes took in the custom-tailored suit, expensive shoes, coiffed blonde hair and smooth unscarred face and it made him bit the inside of his lip in the unfamiliar feelings.  

Not the inadequacy part. That he was more familiar with than he liked to say.  But he had never been jealous before.  Not of another man.  Not of the what if’s that the other man’s presence brought to him.  

Cause while he didn’t always love the Hunter life and the misery it could bring to his existence, he had accepted a long time ago that this was who he was meant to be.  And when he had been lucky enough to find Y/N and the peace she brought to his life, he felt himself doing more than just accepting.  

He felt himself actually living again.  

And now, watching Mr. White Teeth fawning over Y/N and charming her with what Dean was sure was promises of yachts and trips to the Mediterranean, Dean felt not only jealously but regret.

He wanted to give her all of that and more.  But all he had to offer her was an old Chevy, (granted it was the best car in existence. But still.), and himself.

And he knew he wasn’t enough.

And that made the jealousy quickly turn into stupidity and then anger.

Stupid, unnecessary, un-called for anger.

And he knew that.

But he foolishly allowed it to control his next actions anyway.

Cause as he watched, the suspect took his mouth and brought it to Y/N’s ear and whispered into it before briefly scraping those stupid white teeth over the lobe, then tilted his head so that he could take a deep breath at her neck.

Inhaling a small bit of the essence of Y/N.  

And as Dean felt the red overwhelm his senses, the only thing that kept reverberating through his skull was one thing:

Every bit of everything that was Y/N was Dean’s.

And this dick just made a mistake in thinking he could lay claim to any part of it.  

This time the scraping of Dean’s chair was overshadowed by the bang it made as it tilted backward and hit the floor.  

And Sam wasn’t quick enough to stop Dean from marching up to the bar, seemingly oblivious to Y/N gently pushing the perp away, before grabbing onto the back of White Teeths stupid suit jacket, forcefully pulling him back with one arm until his body stumbled away from Y/N and into the empty bar stool behind him.

“Hey!  What the fuck?”  White Teeth shouted.

“Please.  Have a seat.”  Dean growled, his eyes boring into the asshole, making the man instinctively flinch at the unwavering stare.

“Who the hell are you?!”

“I’m the guy that’s gonna make those veneers into chewing gum.”

“Dean!”  Y/N admonished, “What the hell are you doing?”

White Teeth shot Y/N a surprised glance before bringing his eyes back to the imminent threat, “You know this guy, Katie?”

Y/N’s teeth were clenched as she glared at Dean, “Yes.  He’s my-.”

“Boyfriend.”  Dean growled.

“Ex-boyfriend.”  Y/N ground out.

Dean felt his heart plummet into his stomach and he quickly broke off the staring contest with White Teeth as he set devastated eyes on Y/N, “Wh-what?”

Y/N took in a deep breath and gritted her teeth, pointedly avoiding Dean’s stare, “I’m sorry, Patrick. Dean has had a hard time letting go. Seems he can‘t take the word no for an answer.”  

Dean blinked slowly at her, “Y/N, I think you’re-.”

Y/N’s eyes turned cold, “No, Dean.  That’s the point.  You didn’t think.”  She coolly dismissed him with her gaze and turned her attention to somebody behind Dean, “Sam, do you mind taking your brother outta here? Somewhere he can cool off and get back into the right frame of mind.”

Sam’s worried eyes were darting between the three people in front of him and he gently pulled on his older brother’s arm.  Dean’s eyes were still set on Y/N’s face, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he blinked at her, hurt bleeding out as she continued to avoid his stare.

“Come on, Dean.” Sam said firmly, “We got other places to be.”

Too stunned to stop his brother from being pulled out of the hotel lobby, Dean’s legs moved numbly towards the door as he heard Y/N apologize to ‘Patrick.’

“I’m so sorry about that. Now, you were saying about the beautiful property you own outside of town���.

Dean didn’t hear his response as the glass doors shut behind him and his brother.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sam dragged Dean over to the Impala waiting in an alley around the corner from the hotel, “Dude! What the hell??!  You could have cost us this case!”

Dean stayed silent as he mechanically entered the driver’s side of the car.

“Dean!  What is your problem?  You’ve never stopped Y/N from working a potential suspect before.  Like ever.”

Dean finally turned his gaze back to his brother, “Yeah, well she wasn’t mine before!”  Dean slammed the door shut forcefully, “And apparently, she’s not mine now.”

Sam shot him a frustrated look from his perch outside of the car as he leaned on the passenger side window, “She didn’t mean it, Dean.  She’s just trying to get the possible location of their nest in hopes that some of those girls are still alive!”

With firm lips, Dean tapped on the steering wheel, “Go back inside and keep an eye on her.  I’m gonna go back to the motel room.  Call me if you need me.”

“But Dean-.”

“NOW SAM.”

With a frustrated sigh, Sam lifted his hands up in exasperation, “Fine.  Whatever.  I’ll call you.”

It was two hours later, and he was sitting at the table in their motel room, four glasses of whiskey in, when Y/N returned from the bar, or wherever the hell she had been.  

Dean had wallowed in his anger tinged despair and had probably picked up his cell phone over a hundred times, his finger hovering over her name, typing and then deleting various forms of texts consisting of accusations, apologies and begging.

Frankly, he was disgusted with himself and his inability to take control of the situation and straighten it out properly.  In his heart of hearts, he knew Y/N didn’t mean it when she called him her ex-boyfriend and he was being a total douchebag about the whole thing, but nothing could erase that feeling of anguish that had hit his senses when she had said it and had so causally dismissed him.  

In their brief time together, Dean had already ingrained her so deeply into his soul that he felt like she had ripped something out of him.

It had hurt.

Dean didn’t do hurt well. When he hurt, he shut down.  And when he shut down, well, Dicky Dean came out to play.

And he had a hell of a time stopping him.

Dean barely looked up from the laptop in front of him as Y/N slammed the motel door behind her.  Her wedge sandals taking long strides to him as she threw her purse onto the chair nearest the door.

“What the fuck, Dean?! What was that all about?”

Dean took a casual sip of his whiskey as he lifted one shoulder into a feigned, nonchalant shrug, “Guess it doesn’t matter now does it?”

Y/N ripped her jacket off and threw it at his head, “Are you on crack?  ‘Cause you’re seriously acting like a crazy person!”

He coolly reached up and plucked the denim jacket off his head and placed it on the chair beside him with nary a flinch, “Not acting like anything.”

Y/N glared at him as she placed her fists on her hips, “I’ve been trying to get the location of their playpen for days and I was so fucking close! And you just swoop in and try to save a day that didn’t need saving.”

Dean’s upper lip twitched before promptly falling back into his cold unaffected look, “You’re right. You had it handled.  Don’t worry about me getting involved anymore.  Won’t happen again,” He stood up before he made his way past her and into the kitchenette and poured himself a refill. He raised the glass in Y/N’s direction and pointed at her, “Once this case is over, we’ll just go our separate ways and that’ll be that.”

For the briefest of seconds, Y/N’s eyes clouded over in panic and Dean’s stomach did that twisty thing that only she could get out of him and he felt his guard lower slightly and he could almost feel the misery leaking out of his eyes.

But instead of getting an apologetic Y/N, he got an even angrier one.

Shit.

“You stupid ASS!  Did you really think I was breaking up with you?”  She reached up and pulled at her hair letting out a frustrated growl, “God, I didn’t think jealousy would make you this dumb!”

Dean slammed the glass down onto the counter, “This isn’t about jealousy, Y/N…okay maybe it was at first. That douche couldn’t keep his paws off you but then it became more than that when you treated me like garbage!”

Throwing her hands out to her sides, Y/N gave him a look of exasperation, “What did you expect?  A fucking parade when you turned into a caveman and threw our lead to the side like a sack of potatoes?  There’s lives at stake here, Dean.”

He came around the counter and into her personal space, “Don’t you think I know that?!  I know that, Y/N,” Dean’s hands hovered in the air by her face before running them through his hair instead, “But at that moment I didn’t care! He….he was touching what’s mine.”

Her light brown eyes narrowed, and she glared up at him, her finger poking into his chest as her voice lowered to that dangerous level, “I’m not a possession, Dean!  You don’t own me!”

“Yeah, well you own every fucking part of me!”  He yelled into her face as she blinked up at him dubiously, shuddering at his words, before he brought shaking hands to her face and cradled them in between his palms, whispering, “Every piece of me.  And I happily give it over to you every second.”  He lay his forehead against hers, “God, the thought of losing you…..”

Y/N sighed shakily against his lips, “Dean, it was a fake fight.  I didn’t mean it.  I would never mean that.  I love you.  When are you gonna start believing that?”

He swallowed deeply at her words, briefly closing his eyes, “I do.  I do believe that.  It’s just……I’ve had so much bad in my life that the thought of losing the good…..it breaks something in me.  And then it gets me angry as hell that I can’t control myself.”  He raised his forehead from hers, “I’m…I’m sorry.”  He whispered as he looked into her eyes.

Y/N sighed deeply as she looked away from his penetrating stare, “Jesus, Winchester.  I swear I have never been a sucker for a pretty face before, but you……”  Her eyes flicked back to his and she pursed her lips, “Being my boyfriend does not mean you get to control me, Dean.  It only means that you love me and stand by my side.  Not in front of me.  I don’t need protection.  I can take care of myself.”

“I know that.  I do.  I just….”  Dean sighed and bit his bottom lip, “I love you…so much….and sometimes……I don’t feel like I deserve you and….it makes me a little crazy.”

Tilting her head, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to the pulse point at his neck, making him shudder at the touch of her soft lips.  She slid her hands up into his hair and pulled firmly at the strands, holding him to her, “You are everything I need.  Just you.  Nothing more. Nothing less.” She bit at the skin in front of her, causing him to let out a low moan before sliding her mouth to his ear, “Now, let me show you.”

Dean stood still as Y/N’s fingers slid to the front of his jeans and palmed his semi-hard cock. (It was always at attention in her presence.  It was a wonder they ever got anything done.)  She leaned her head back and stared into his eyes before moving towards his lips, her eyes never closing as her mouth met his, penetrating his gaze, making sure they conveyed what words couldn’t.

“Y/N….”  He whispered against her lips.

Letting out a trembling breath, Y/N opened her mouth under his and ran her tongue slowly against his bottom lip before gently biting down and tugging it with her teeth.  She ran her hands under his gray t-shirt and scraped her fingernails over his nipples before pinching them both between her fingertips,

With a growl, Dean abruptly picked Y/N up under her ass and wrapped her legs around his hips, before bringing her to the closest wall and leaning her up against it.  He swallowed down her cry with his mouth and roughly kissed her, his tongue rolling against hers in earnest.  His mouth left hers and slid its way down to her throat murmuring nonsense against her skin as she roughly ran her hands through his hair and threw her head against the wall.  Her hips undulated against his jeans and he could feel her searching for just the right angle as her breaths started to leave her mouth in deep gasps.

His hands shook as the adrenaline brought on by the thoughts of losing her because of his stupidity suddenly left him and was replaced by a need so deep he let out a sound that sounded suspiciously like a sob.  

He would be embarrassed, angry at himself even, if anything else mattered but her.

Gently, Y/N brought her hands to his face and raised his gaze to hers.  Her eyes searched his for the briefest of seconds, before she leaned forward and brought her lips to his temple, pressing a chaste kiss there before tightly wrapping her limbs around his body.

Dean closed his eyes at the feel of her form against his, his heart pounding wildly in his chest reverberating against the steady thump of hers.  

They stood there for the briefest of minutes before Y/N slowly released her limbs from around his body and slid to the floor.  Gently, she pushed him back with a smile and made her way around him to the bed, her dress fluttering behind her, before she sat down on the edge of the mattress.

Dean’s eyes took in her soft, tanned skin and dark straight hair, watching with bated breath as she slowly lifted the skirt of her dress up her thighs.  Her eyes intensely stared at him as he started breathing heavily across from her, his hands twitching with the effort of not touching her.  The outline of his cock practically pulsed in time with her movements and Y/N hummed and bit her lip at the sight.  

When the dress reached the juncture of her thighs, she stopped moving it up and opened her legs wide. The gray cotton thong she had on underneath was already soaked through, the wet spot dark against the lighter color.

“Fuck.”  Dean groaned out and reached down and briefly palmed himself, deliberately holding himself back from approaching her on the bed. Waiting with anticipation to see what she would do next.

With a slow smile, Y/N leisurely ran a hand over a cloth covered breast, squeezing a nipple before sliding it the rest of the way down to the wet spot between her legs.  She brought two fingers to the top of her heat and rubbed slowly watching Dean’s slightly open mouth let out a woosh of air when she pushed the underwear to the side revealing her glistening pussy briefly before covering it again with the wet material.

Something animalistic in him reared up and Dean immediately started to make his way over to her.

“Stop.”  She said in a low commanding voice.  She pointed to a chair directly across from her with her free hand, “Sit.”

Unwilling to refuse her anything, Dean sat down on the plastic motel chair and leaned back in the seat.  He raised an eyebrow at her and made a gesture with his hands as if asking her ‘What now?’

“Now, you stay until I tell you different.  Got it? Do.  Not.  Move.”

Letting out a low growl at her commanding tone, Dean felt his cock twitch eagerly in response, “Whatever you want, Sweetheart.”

Satisfied with his answer, Y/N leaned back on one elbow as she stared into his intense gaze and slid her fingers into the top of her thong, finding her hardened clit and letting out a low mewl as she rubbed against it.

Dean bit his bottom lip, holding in the groan he wanted to let out and reached down to squeeze his cock through his jeans, “That feel good baby?  You like playing with your clit while I watch?”

At his words, Y/N started to rub harder, “Feels so fucking good.”

“Take off your panties. Lemme see.”

Y/N gave him a slow sinful smile as a knuckle popped the material up before it slid down to her entrance, “I don’t know, Dean.  You were very naughty today.”  She let out a trembling breath as she buried her middle finger inside of herself, “Perhaps I should just make you watch as I make myself come. Make you go to bed with a hardon.”

Dean couldn’t stop the low moan that slipped past his lips as he watched his girlfriend masturbate in front of him for the first time.  The thought of being punished for his bad behavior making his stomach twist in knots of anticipation, instead of sorrow.

He was such a sick puppy.

And she indulged him in all the ways he needed.

“But then I’d be punishing myself too,” She said as her finger started to move faster, “I’d be depriving myself of that fat cock of yours.  Don’t know if I’d be able to go to sleep without having it in me.”

At her words, Dean’s hand squeezed harder between his legs and rolled his head back at the delicious feeling.

“Maybe seeing it would be enough,” Y/N gasped out, “Take it out for me.”

Not having to be told twice, Dean quickly undid his belt, button and zipper and dragged his jeans and underwear down mid-thigh, letting his throbbing dick out into the air, pre-come already glistening at the top.

Y/N hummed at the sight, “Mmmmm, rub that in for me.  Right there at the tip.  Yes, that’s it.”  She hissed when he complied with a low grunt as his hips canted into the air involuntarily.

Dean’s eyes met hers with a plea as he slowly kept rubbing at his tip, “Please, Baby.  Take them off.  Let me see.  Wanna see that beautiful wet pussy.”  

Y/N bit the inside of one cheek as if contemplating his request, “Well, it is getting a little hard to touch myself with only one finger.  Gonna need more room ‘cause I need at least three to even make me remotely satisfied.”  With that, she stood up in her wedges, her calf muscles standing out in stark relief as she turned away from him.  She reached under her dress and grabbed at the edges of her thong with her two thumbs before deliberately bending over as she slid them down her legs, the back of her dress short enough that he caught a glimpse of her shaven pussy glistening at him.

“Fuck, Baby,” Dean gasped out as he squeezed at the base of his dick, “You’re really trying to kill me here.”

She sent him a smile over her shoulder before quickly removing her sandals and sitting in the middle of the bed against the headboard.  Her dress was hitched up once again, with her knees bent and her legs opened wide, giving him an unobstructed view of her core.  She quickly ran two fingers up and down her slit, before shoving them inside herself roughly, her head automatically falling back against the cheap wood of the headboard at the sensation, “Fuck.  So good.”  

Dean’s hand started to move in time with her thrusts, caressing himself with long strokes from root to tip, twisting at the top.  He started to pick up speed as he watched her fingers curl just so, hitting the spot that always made her scream the loudest.

“Rub your clit for me, Baby,” He grunted out, “Do it the way I do.  The way that makes your thighs shake.”

Letting out a low moan, Y/N complied, bringing her other hand down and rubbing her engorged clit roughly, her breath coming out in loud hitching gasps.  

He could tell she was almost there, red highlighting her cheekbones, a small patch of sweat gleaming from in between the exposed top of her breasts.  

Groaning, he reached down with his other hand and lightly pulled at his balls as he continued to stroke his cock, “You’re so close.  I can almost taste it.  But you know what you need.  Give yourself that third finger, Sweetheart.  Push it deep.”

A loud whine slipped out of her lips as she complied with his instructions.  One, two, three strokes and her eyes started to cross, her thighs began to shake, “Gonna…oh my God….gonna come! Dean!”  She yelled out as the wet sounds her core intensified and she came with a loud shout of completion.  

Dean’s hand had a mind of its own as his strokes sped up in earnest and all the blood in his body seemed to rush down to his cock, releasing his orgasm with a snap and he came with a curse, his hips canting up into his strokes, ropes of it shooting into the air and running down his hand.

“Fuuuuuuck.”  He said gasping, “That was…..just….”

“So.  Fucking.  Good.” Y/N said with a grin as she brought her fingers up to her mouth and sucked on the juices still glistening there.

Dean’s cock twitched in interest at the sight.

“Really?”  Y/N said on a breathless laugh, “Even after all that?”

Dean shrugged, an unrepentant grin on his face, “With you?  Always.”

Y/N’s smile softened, “Come here.  Need to feel you.”

Dean quickly undressed and slid his naked body next to hers on the bed as he helped her out of her dress and strapless bra.  His mouth nuzzled at her neck, before laying back bringing her to lay across his chest.

He let out a contented sigh before grinning to himself, “I got a couple of candy bars on the way back to the motel, if you’re in the mood for chocolate.”

Y/N lifted her head and looked at him, “First of all, there is never a time that I’m not in the mood for chocolate.  Second, I thought you thought we were broken up?”

Dean glanced away briefly before looking down at her, “Guess I thought I could bribe you with chocolate if worse came to worse.”

“Smart man.”

@akshi8278 @curly-haired-disaster @chook007 @scorpiongirl1 @pisces-cutie @winchesterbroys @xalgaliareptx @purrculiar @meganywinchester

[boredzoomerpire]

Found a nice ask meme on questionslisting, good.

Get to know me

1. Name: Lucian Michaelis

2. Age: 21

3. City that you live in: Won't say the city, but it's California.

4. What do most people not know about you? I'm not American by birth. Oh yeah, also the vampire thing. But I figure more people know that, bizarre as that is to think about.

5. What do most people know you for? I dunno. Being the baby-faced guy with two cats who doesn't go out in the sun. You'd have to ask my neighbors.

6. Hobbies: Gaming, writing, reading, singing. Dancing, somewhat.

7. What are your passions? Writing poetry and tending to cats. Music in general.

8. What do you search for in a significant other? A big heart and a sweet smile. Nice figure would be a plus, but ah well.

7. What are you most proud of? My poetry.

8. When was the last time you had a significant conversation with someone you love? I spent hours talking to my cats last night. Unless you mean love in *that* sense. Forgot that one.

9. Have you ever collected anything? What was it? I collect video games.

10. List 10 things off of your bucket list. See the Taj Mahal and the Pyramids, write dialog for a video game, find the love of my life, find a way to eat something again, can't think of more.

11. What was the last thing you learned? How to post something on this blasted website.

12. How many relationships have you been in? Three.

13. Turn ons: Bright eyes, sweet smile, sense of humor, so on.

14. Turn offs: An empty cranium or an empty conscience.

15. Favorite food: none

16. Favorite drink: take a guess.

17. What is the best birthday gift you have ever received? A puppet show

18. Are you optimistic or pessimistic? Quite optimistic.

19. Do you sleep during class? Yes.

20. What is the most expensive thing you own? My computer. I pieced it together, but it can't be less than a few grand.

21. What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own? Old flip phone. Worthless now, but it still works well and so I can keep an Italian number so my grandparents in Europe can call.

22. How many times a day on average do you check your phone? A lot.

23. Text or call? Text.

24. Opinion on long distance? Not sure.

25. What is your definition of success? Being happy to wake up.

26. Favorite song? Too many to list

27. Favorite artist? Possibly Abney Park, not sure though.

28. Celebrity crush/crushes? None.

29. When was the last time you read for fun? Today.

30. Favorite flower? Peonies and roses.

31. What is the best gift you could receive right now? A car. My Honda is as old as I am.

32. Any guilty pleasures? Corny pop songs.

33. What is one thing you would like to change about yourself? I'd love to look slightly less like a kid.

34. What do you search for in a friend? I dunno. What happens happens.

35. How many times have you said "I love you" in the past month? Didn't keep count.

36. Where did you last go other than your room/home? Work.

37. Why do bad things happen to good people? Destiny has no morals.

38. In your opinion, what hurts more? Being left out or being stabbed in the eye? I can probably regenerate my eye better than my heart.

39. How many green shirts do you own? None. Green isn't my cup of tea.

40. Do you like anime? Sorta.

41. What do you invest the most time in? Gaming.

42. What was the name of the last book you read? The Book Thief. Brilliant.

43. What's the difference between loving and liking someone? You like someone's superficial manners and appearance, and love someone's flaws.

44. Where are you most productive? At my desk with some music in my ears.

45. List 3 things you enjoy doing with friends. Talking, drinking tea, gaming.

46. List 3 things you enjoy doing alone. Reading, listening to music, gaming.

47. Do you believe world peace will ever exist? Sure, when everyone's either dead or too tired of this shit.

48. Do you have any allergies? I used to be allergic to mosquitoes. No really. It wasn't fun. Oh yeah, and wasps.

49. When was the last time you cussed at someone? I cussed at Diane a couple hours ago. Coffins aren't scratching posts. Neither are arms

50. What was the last promise you made? I promised a friend I'd babysit their dog.

51. What was your last dream about? Waking up in a morgue. Fuck that nightmare.

52. If you won a trip to Hawaii and you could take 5 people with you, who would those 5 people be? Not sure.

53. How many countries have you visited? Italy, the United States, Scotland--that makes 3.

54. What is your favorite medium of art? (Music, dance, painting, etc.) Writing.

56. When was the last time somebody complimented you? Yesterday Tommy said my outfit looked nice.

56. If you switched bodies with someone, how would you recognize yourself? I'm the one with the over the top sense of style.

57. Do you consider yourself mature? No.

58. How many days in your life do you think you have wasted on tumblr? None. Yet.

59. What is your favorite quote? None in particular.

60. If you started a new religion and you had to create 3 rules or commandments for your new followers to live by, what would those 3 rules be? Don't hurt cats, don't be an ass, gift me an article of clothing at least once.

61. What is your greatest accomplishment? Getting Diane to tolerate Sardine.

62. Do you believe in the death penalty? Not really.

63. What are your goals for life? To find love and travel the Earth

64. What do you think your soulmate is doing right now? Not even sure I am

65. If you could live anywhere, where would you live? The place can be in an imaginary, fantasy, or the real world. | Not sure, truth be told. Possibly Vivec City from The Elder Scrolls. Dunno why, it seems cool.

66. What were you like in 2013? 8 years ago... oh god, I was a 13-year-old. 8th grade. Detentions on the daily, my stupid eggy ass saw confrontation as the "MaNlY" thing to do. Fucking hell, why did you have to dig that up? Nobody deserves to hear tales of stupid little boy Lucian.

67. Do you have a job? Yep. Graveyard shift at the nearby pharmacy. Dull, but I've got to have it.

68. Tell us a story about your childhood best friend. Ah yes, guy named Tommy. He's trying to break into acting now and starting to see some results. When we were kids, he and his sister staged a whole-ass puppet show for my birthday. Didn't tell me. I smile to this day when I think about it

69. If you could change one thing about society, what would it be? Making people more open-minded, that's for sure.

70. How many all-nighters have you pulled before? ...I've been pulling all-nighters every day for months now.

71. Is tumblr your favorite website? If not, then what is your favorite website? Spotify does it for my favorite website. Lots of music.

72. What is the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars? I don't much care for a million dollars. So long as I can pay rent and packs, I'm fine.

73. Does money equal happiness? Nah. I'm about ten times happier now scraping by than I was when I lived with my family and had all the money in the world.

74. How many times have you experienced true happiness in your lifetime? Often, but I don't really keep count.

75. How many times have you experienced true sadness in your lifetime? I haven't kept count of that either. Often. I'm an emotional guy.

76. What is the funniest joke you have ever been told? An Italian joke about the Last Supper.

77. When was the last time you looked at the news? This morning. Yay on the US being first in the medal rankings of the Olympics. Slightly less yay on Italy being 10th

78. If you could say one thing to the world, what would you say? "Good afternoon!" Everything past that sounds like too much of a hassle.

79. What is your favorite animal? Cats and bats.

80. If you could earn a million dollars by pretending to be dead for 3 years, would you do it? Ask someone who isn't dead.

81. What is one thing that everyone is bad at? Dunno.

82. What time do you normally sleep? How many hours of sleep do you usually get? I used to sleep pretty regularly, midnight to seven or eleven to six. The vampire thing isn't helping my sleep schedule any, though. I'm awake past 3 PM, and don't usually get over 5 hours of sleep.

83. Does age necessarily equal maturity? Nah, I've met some old idiots.

84. What is your favorite clothing store? There's a little clothing shop near where I live. I'd never wanna leave.

85. In the winter- beanies or gloves? Don't know, can't feel the cold (though contrary to popular belief, it gets cold in California)

86. Would you rather have wings or a fish tail? A fish tail. People weren't made to fly. Says the one who *can* fly, but I don't like it.

87. If you had the power to erase one person from the world so that nobody remembered him or her except you, would you do it? I don't know, I don't think I care enough.

88. What do you fear the most? Destruction.

89. How many digits of pi can you recite? 3.14. Yep, that's it.

90. If you could travel back to one year and relive it again, which year would it be? 2019, probably. No pandemic, stuff in my life started falling into place...

91. Describe yourself in one word. Restless

92. Describe your last victory. I beat a friend of mine at Pokemon Platinum. Nobody expects bug types.

93. What is the weirdest thing you have ever seen? I've seen a few. Couple UFOs.

94. What is something you will never forget? The stars. Shit, the stars. You simply don't forget the first time you see them with eyes like mine.

95. Would you rather forget all of the past or remember everything in vivid detail? I've already got a treasonous overly-vivid memory. Wouldn't trade it for forgetfulness.

96. Have you ever broken a bone before? Well, yes, I think I broke my arm a few weeks ago. Not entirely sure because I can't exactly go to a doctor, but pretty sure. I can say this: regenerating bone sucks even with a regenerating power.

97. Is it harder to love or to hate somebody? Meh. I tend to keep it to "like" and "dislike".

98. Coffee or tea? Tea's tastier, but coffee's more effective.

99. What are some little things that you do that have changed your life in a positive way? Funnily enough, lately I've definitely decided to work on my life. I've been taking care to brush my hair more, and to enjoy the small things more.

100. How many hours have you spend on tumblr today? Hell if I know.

[stargazer1682]

Buffy Season 6 was terrible

Season 6 is a dumpster fire and far from anything I'd describe as "well planned," let alone immaculately written.

The plot is heavily contrived, starting pretty much with the Scoobies plans to bring Buffy back. Why are they bringing her back? Because.

Don't get me wrong, the argument that Buffy's soul MIGHT be in a hell dimension isn't wholly without merit, given that they saw all number of hell dimensions open up before their eyes and Buffy had to sacrifice herself to close a rift between these dimensions in much the same way Angel did, for essentially the same purpose. Knowing the lives they lead, everything they’ve experienced and how cruel they know their universe to be, there would be a very distinct probability that Buffy was in hell. In fact the only reason she wasn't was arguably because being in heaven and pulled out by her friends is the only worse possible fate.

But, Buffy's body was barely cold when they started hatching plans to bring her back; they didn't really even try to move on without her. And as it turns out, bringing someone back isn't actually all that difficult.  I maintain that they should have done a time jump; like 5 years, which would have at least established that they TRIED to move on without her before bring her back. And the effort could have been said to have taken more time than a summer vacation.  Plus it would have better aligned the majority of characters with their real world ages, while create an added facet for why Buffy might feel disconnected from her friends if they’ve literally moved on with their lives. Even Dawn, who be closer to Buffy’s age, would be a practical stranger to her at that point; adding to the isolation.

But this is a minor criticism in the grand scheme of the season though, because the show always cut to the chase; and for the most part I can appreciate that. So let's do the same and really get down to the less excusable contrivances.

Practically everyone’s livin’ in casa de Summers, yet is anyone apparently contributing anything to the expenses?  Not by any indication.  Buffy’s back barely a minute, doesn’t even take time to readjust before going patrolling, and soon after that they say, “welcome back, you’re drowning in debt. Get a job, deadbeat.”

And this leads to a couple of ridiculous plots.  The first of which is Giles’ sudden and inexplicable inability to tell Buffy “no” and establish clear boundaries between them; you know, one of the key essential traits of his character five years running.  And yes, I know, Tony Head wanted to move back to England and that’s fair, but the excuse they gave his character for his absence was, simple put, stupid.  Lots of parental figures have to deal with the transition of a so-called child that they’ve looked after and been responsible for and help usher them into independent adulthood; and they’ve done that, remarkably enough, without moving clear across the flippin’ planet.  This is to say nothing of the conventional dynamics of a Slayer and her support system; which we don’t know enough about, in terms of how previous Slayers that lived into their early 20s managed to get by financially.  There’s been a lot of speculation and the consensus typically leans towards an informal understand that their Watcher supports them.  This arrangement may not be fair and Giles may want Buffy to lead a less restrictive life than the average Slayer had before her, but there are certain practical realities that Giles of all people should understand in this regard.  The first and foremost of which is that, as Slayer, Buffy must put those responsibilities ahead of all others and it’s simply not feasible to expect her to burn the candle at both ends, working a full time job during the day and be a full time Slayer at night.  On top of that is this inane idea he develops that Buffy was somehow shirking her responsibilities, when, again, she doesn’t miss a beat after coming back from the dead before going on patrol.  The thing she struggles with, apart from how she’s going to support herself financially without it interfering with her Slaying duties, is being and adult in her VERY early 20s with a mortgage and single mother to a nearly fully grown teenager; all while dealing with the trauma of coming back to from the dead. This goes beyond the pale of the normal responsibilities of someone going through Buffy’s stage of life in season 6; and any adult going through anything even remotely comparable should not be expected to do that single handedly on their own.  Giles even admits later that being an adult means knowing when to ask for help, which just goes to show that his reason for leaving in the first place is complete and utter BS.

Giles demonstrated greater understanding for what Buffy was going through in season 3 when she merely had to send the man she loved to hell, after being thrown out of her house by her mother; yet here he seems to be utterly clueless.  There are countless ways that Giles could have helped Buffy find her footing, without her being dependant on him, while still explaining Tony’s departure.  But they wanted to set up a story that perpetuated Buffy’s hardship and isolation – hence the reason the writers felt the need to undermine the most obvious and practical solution for her need for a job, working at the magic store.

Then there’s a crux of the season’s conflicts.  And yeah, I guess “life” as a big bad is… something… but decidedly not as effectively well done as the earlier seasons did with the allegorical struggles about adolescence and coming of age during the high school seasons.  

Buffy is isolated from her friends, depressed, emotionally abused by a man taking advantage of her state of mind, drowning in debt (and not taking any of the realistic steps to address it, like dumping the house she can’t afford in favor of a small apartment for her and Dawn.)  Eventually it ceases to be a story arc and just crap on Buffy day.  There’s no joy here; and that’s one of the quixotic things about life and depression, it’s ability to make you think for a second that if you’re able to laugh in this moment, maybe things aren’t all that bad, right before they go back to being terrible.

After Tabula Rasa, once Giles leaves, the quality of the episodes takes a sharp downturn; and subsequently improves upon his return.  There isn’t necessarily a correlation, especially since I’d say opposite is true with Giles’ presence with season 7.  But right off the bat we’ve got Smashed and Wrecked, two incredibly stupid episodes, with equally terrible plot points that redefine the direction of the season.

Buffy starts screwing Spike, and… Amy’s suddenly a creep who could give her mom a run for her money? Oh, and now apparently Willow’s problem with magic is that she’s actually addicted to it, like a drug, and not the abuse of power and lack of moral forethought that they’ve been making it out to be ALL THIS TIME.  No, now she’s suddenly doing ambiguous “magics” in back alleys that have no other apparent purpose than to make her trip.

Now, don’t worry, I didn’t forget about Xander… like the writers seemed to do after season 4…  He’s still there and he’s going to marry Anya; which is going to be is sole defining arc the rest of this season and probably the next; even when the wedding doesn’t happen.  The wedding episode was ALMOST interesting, but the fact is, while I’ve come to not like Xander overall, in the course of multiple re-watches of the series; he was put through a seriously traumatic ordeal in Hells Bells that they just gloss right over by the end of it; and expect him to still get married.  And when he’s not in the right frame of mind to do that, they decide that he’s the AH for it…..  Worse still, he accepts that title, deserved though it may be for a variety of other reasons from over the years; this instance is not one of them.  But Joss has to Joss, which means everyone and everything sucks.

And then there’s the “Trio”…. (sigh)

I mean, they even went to the trouble of acknowledging how pathetic a “challenge” they were in contrast to previous big bads, with a doctor commenting on it during Normal Again. (Augh… Normal Again….)

Warren bordered on a comparatively compelling antagonist, by virtue of him being a complete bastard, but they had to blunt his arc with the nerd shtick; and I’m not sure why I hate it so much, because with the likes of Dick Wilkens’ “gee golly, I just want to be a big snake” attitude or Glory’s valley girl god demeanor, this shouldn’t have felt at odds for a big bad, yet it just doesn’t work.

The bigger problem I think I have with it all is that, ultimately, Warren’s not even the big bad; Willow is – which would be fine too, if her arc leading up to that break wasn’t so terrible.  And here’s the thing, they had all of the pieces to make it work; it was all there. Willow’s story of where she was at in her life and the things she was doing and why she was doing them, closely parallel Warren’s story.  Both characters had the smarts, the power and ambition to do whatever they set their minds to; and neither of them were stopping to ask themselves, “just because I can, should I?” and as a result were seriously abusing the power they had. Both of them undermined the free will of the women they loved, without consideration of the ramifications.  Willow KINDA got it and tried to change, whereas Warren didn’t.  But by trying shoehorn a drug analogy into Willow’s story, while just making Warren an AH, they undermined that parallel and the collision of wills they were ultimately on.

Don’t even get me started on killing off Tara.  That was the wrong decision, full stop.

It should have been Xander. It would arguably have set off Willow at least as much as Tara’s death, and Xander’s spirit could have still appeared to Willow on the cliff to talk her down.  

Then bring Nicky Brendon back for season 7 as the primary embodiment of the First.

[well-hidden-hot-mess]

it’s been a while (shocking i know)

So it’s been a while since I’ve put anything down on paper or this blog about what’s been going on with me and all that. i’ve honestly just been going through so much emotionally/physically that even though I know doing this would make me feel better, i’m just too drained to grab a pen or my laptop.

long story short: the last week my body kinda crashed and burned after months of pushing it too hard and i got vertigo BAD. it started after super hard workouts then light workouts then it just hit all at once while i was just standing at the desk minding my own business and it got so bad i had to leave after trying to force myself for too long to stick it out but once i needed to have the wall hold me up and i started crying AGAIN that i knew i couldn’t fight this. that was wednesday, had to miss my family trip to florida for a funeral on thursday because i was still useless, attempted to do a light workout on saturday because i felt better aka it was during a low point of the wave of diziness and i barely did anything and my heart rate was through the roof. like normally when i’m sick it takes so much to get my heart rate to raise a little bit but even just putting laundry into the washing machine got me up to 130bpm and that’s like a good arm day range. so finally monday i went to the doctor and she told me what it was, gave me some steroids, now it’s thursday and it’s my first day being allowed/able to work and drive at all so i’ll take it. hopefully i’ll make it through today since i’m off again until monday and have a family wedding on sunday and things this whole weekend that i would like to survive through.

now keep in mind this has been building for months before it hit and my mindset was just as fucked the whole time. i was literally stuck between 170.2 and 170.6 for 3 months straight. like no joke. i was murdering myself in my workouts, sticking to macros, doing everything right, even doing CARDIO like fasted cardio and normal cardio and nope, nothing. it wasn’t even like my body fat was lowering and i looked better or whatever, there was not a single change even though i KNEW i was in a big deficit and there’s zero reason for no change so that was fucking with my brain for a while on top of feeling like death because i was getting all dizzy after workouts and me being me and being a perfectionist and having my standards being too high for what i expect from my body.

so needless to say, this week of rest has been much needed for me mentally and physically. i ate everything i wanted, was horizontal for 85% of the last week, got to see my puppy on his 8th birthday (even though I’m in denial and telling myself he’s 3 but that’s fine), got to spend time with my mom, and i’m in a much better place mentally. yes resting and being so not productive for so long took a toll on my mental health but once i just succumbed to it and just allowed myself to let it happen, it was much easier. now going back to work seems like a lot of work lol. hence why i’m procrastinating and writing on here when i should be getting up and meal prepping and getting dressed and all that. i did do a face mask so i feel good about that. still have to wash my face and fix my hair but i can do that while the green beans steam in the microwave for my meal prep for today. i was so off of my usual diet the last few weeks because i just didn’t have the money or the energy to actually meal prep or even go grocery shopping, let alone make the food then weigh it out. so my meals were a lot of processed stuff so now that i have a fridge full of good food and actually meal prepped a little yesterday, i’m excited to get back on track with the micronutrient dense foods that i truly do enjoy. i know that’ll make me feel better inside and out and make my progress that much better while feeling less blah the whole time. i miss my mini cukes not going to lie. it also had fucked me up that stop and shop went on strike for  like a week and fairway was stupid expensive and i didn’t even like the look of their produce and i was just not feeling it. plus i didn’t have a debit card because i’m a mess and couldn’t find it for weeks and wasn’t sure where took apple pay other than stop and shop plus it was out of my way to go anywhere else so we know that going there was a big to do. but okay i’m rambling now and i need to go get shit done so i won’t be late. k byeeeeeee.

[nashta]

Disclaimer: I'm not trying to complain or anything

I realize far too many people have it so much worse than I do, and I just need to put this out there or I'll cave in on myself. Also this post is a giant mess and I don't expect anyone to read it. So a few months ago, I started a new job where I'm working on Friday and Saturday until close (0300). My friend who will be moving in this week or next in place of my mom (oh yeah she's leaving the state) is my ride to and from work, and he refuses to pick me up from those two shifts because he works the next morning. Understandable, I guess, but Uber is super expensive like the first ride I had was almost $40. I can't afford that twice a week. Luckily, another friend of mine is saving me and will be my ride home until she goes to boot camp in February. Anyway, I feel lifeless. I'm not eating anything like I should and I have no energy and school is starting soon and I'm under immense amounts of stress and sacrificing more of myself than I have to sacrifice. He complained about the work thing, saying he won't pick me up from that shift, which I kind of get, but he also said he wants his 2 days off to be reliable so he knows that he'll have a day or two to look forward to where he doesn't have to drive or wake up or anything. Again, I get it, but here's the thing: you can't have both. You gotta either give up your guaranteed days off or a couple hours of sleep because I'm already not sleeping much/well, especially with school coming up. A full-time job on top of school that I'm fully responsible for? I will not be sleeping. A big-ass thing, a few months ago when he said he wouldn't pick me up from those shifts, I lashed out and said "how the fuck am I gonna eat with no job?" because yknow, anxiety, and he lashed back "don't you fucking dare try to guilt trip me." I wasn't trying to though, I was honestly just trying to express what my fears were. Literally ever since then, I refuse to tell him anything. I was often told I was a manipulative child, and maybe it's because I was "mature" for a child because manipulation, even after I learned what it was, was never my intent. But now, I can't tell him when something is wrong. I cry after a ton of shifts on the ride home almost the entire ride because honestly I have so much I need to just get OUT (hence this post) and so many things I'm afraid of and things I need him to do or at least listen to and understand. I need a hug and a cry and I need to know I'm safe and things will be fine and that someone gives a legitimate damn about me and my well-being because it really feels like no one in the world cares. Not enough, anyway. At this point now, someone just saying "I care" really isn't going to cut it. I'm not going to believe them, not really. I can consciously tell myself that, I can back it up with evidence and logic and things they've done to "prove" it, but I still won't feel it. He always wants to get home to his place, I understand, he's tired and wants to go, but I'm never okay. I'm so shot, during those times I'm crying in his car for 20 mins I literally just need a real fucking hug and I need to be allowed to cry because I don't make any sound. As soon as I get inside, I break the fuck down like I'm talking drop everything and fall to the floor audibly sobbing, and I'm exaggerating absolutely none of that. I've been afraid to post on this for so long because I know he follows it and reads shit and I'm afraid of what'll happen but honestly I just want to die and the more shit that happens, the more I break and the less I feel and the sooner I'll kill myself so maybe him getting pissed off and so upset with me is for the best. THIS IS A SUPER IMPORTANT BIT @ANYONE/FUTURE ME The reason I'm always crying is that I have things I need to express, but I can't. I'm constantly reminded of that "don't guilt me" thing, and every single thing I need to express is a guilt trip, all of it is a fucking manipulation, and I can't express that feeling because that is ALSO a guilt trip and a fucking manipulation. Telling him what I need and why and how it's fucking with me, that'll possibly make him feel bad, and telling him that I can't tell him shit might also make him feel bad, you see where I'm going with this? He also thinks I'm dramatic and overreacting to shit. My whole body is in pain and simple tasks seem to hurt more than they used to. FUTURE ME, THIS IS ALSO A SUPER IMPORTANT BIT I've expressed some of these things before and he just invalidates them. "Oh you're fine," "you just have hypothermia because you always have the A/C on," "your weight is fine." NO BITCH My temperature at one point hit 94.something. That's dangerous, and while I realize you can get hypothermia from too much A/C, I don't have any of the symptoms and I have too many symptoms of other things that are more likely. My mom is Type 1 brittle diabetic (autoimmune disease) which means being hypoglycemic isn't an out-there theory, I have a lot of symptoms, and it would explain the voodoo doll feeling. Plus hypoglycemia (from what I've read) is often a symptom itself of something else. Having Addison's Disease also isn't all that far off because it is also an autoimmune disease and it attacks internal organs (from what I've read. I'm not a doctor I don't know how likely or unlikely it is that I could have it). ALSO kidney disease (CKD) is another possibility because I have too many symptoms to be that much coincidence and that really freaks me out because if I'm ever so broke that I literally cannot afford food/water/other damn needs, my backup plan (honestly probably for college) is to sell one of my kidneys since you really only need one. And yes, I mean on the black market. Go ahead FBI fucking come for me. If I don't have 2 working kidneys, bye bye backup plan! Also to add to that stress, I don't know half of my biological family medical history. Never had a dad because he left, so I don't know what I'm at risk for from them. I have decent reason to fucking panic! MORE IMPORTANT THING FUTURE ME I KNOW YOU'VE NODDED OFF BY NOW PROBABLY GO FUCK YOURSELF I'm starving myself. Kind of. Ok look it's not in an ED sort of way. It's not like that, I'm not so fucking hungry that I'm clutching my stomach in pain and still refusing to eat. If I'm that hungry I'll try and fucking eat something. I have a small appetite because of stress and probably other things rn. There are usually only a few times I eat: 1) when I watch Shane Dawson videos (idk why he used to do a lot of food stuff and I'd usually watch them after work when I was hungry so maybe that's it but it's stuck now) 2) when I have to take my meds (before work and during work if it's been a while) 3) if my head is being stupid (if I have a massive headache because I've learned that that usually means I need food, or if my head is super foggy and I'm confused and slow and forgetful) My usual weight from a few months ago was like 115-118 lbs. I'm 4'11 so that's not bad BMI but I despised my body and frequently would punish myself for indulging or eating too much. My BMI was fine but too uncomfortably close to "overweight" for me. However, didn't hate my weight, just my body. Light for me was 112-115 lbs. My average-ish weight now is 100 lbs, and it's going down. I don't despise my body now (don't really like it still but I'm fine with it) and I don't want to gain my weight back but I'm also scared to lose more. I weighed myself earlier today and I WAS 98 LBS. THAT'S APPROXIMATELY A 20 LB DROP. That's still a healthy weight, but it wasn't lost in a healthy way and that's what fucking scares me. I sent him a photo of the scale at 99 lbs (he knows my normal weight and I expressed to him when I lost 10 lbs how worried I was because it was after like 2 weeks of accidental starvation) and YOU KNOW WHAT HE FUCKING SAID? "Your weight is nothing to be worried about." I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT MY WEIGHT I'M WORRIED ABOUT HOW I GOT THERE GODDAMMIT HE FUCKING KNOWS I HAVEN'T BEEN EATING. WE'VE LITERALLY TALKED ABOUT HOW IT'S A FUCKING STRUGGLE FOR ME TO GET IN MORE THAN 800 CALORIES IN A FUCKING WAKE CYCLE PLUS EVERYTHING I'M EATING IS NOT GOOD FOR ME TO BE EATING LIKE THIS Jesus fucking Christ god fucking dammit I'M FUCKING WORRIED ABOUT MY WEIGHT BECAUSE THE ONLY REASON IT'S THERE IS BECAUSE I'VE NOT BEEN EATING. I'VE BEEN FUCKING STARVING MYSELF I've been fucking starving myself. I've been fucking starving myself. I've been fucking starving myself. Because of money. That's literally the reason. I picked up my medication today and had a $1 copay. I've never had a copay before. I had an anxiety attack and bought food, plus I was hungry. I woke at 1800, ate at around 2000, ate again at 1000 when I took another dose of meds before work. This prescription thing, I got back in his car (which isn't working well and he was angry so I kind of get it) at 1700ish. I ate one small soft cookie and he asked me to not eat because chewing irritates him. So I didn't eat until 0100, after a few hours of sleep. Let me timeline this for you: 1800 - wake 2 hours later - approximately 1c rice with nooch and chili powder and a little cheese to take my meds and supplement 14 hours later- 1.5 pieces of naan with hummus to take my meds 7 hours later - 1 small cookie that I then felt bad about buying and eating because it made him angry and reinforced the "you're nothing so you don't deserve to eat" thing in my head 4 hours later - fall asleep 3.5 hours later - wake 30 mins later - half a package of soft cookies with milk 5 hours later - writing this post for 1.5 - 2 hours I don't eat 95% of the time because of money. If I eat this food, then I have to spend money to replace it. I might need that money later so don't eat too much, eat only what you need, don't be a fucking pig, eat only what you need to function, don't be greedy, eat only what you need to stay alive for now, don't piss anyone off by making a mess and being lazy just don't eat if you don't absolutely need to. Don't make anyone angry at you. Make it last. You need boots that you can work in. You need your neck worked out. You want to see Motionless In White, save your money. You can't go to Kipona this year because he won't go with you and you have no one else even though you used to go with Grandbob, maybe next year or the one after that. Save your money. Maybe Muddy Run? Save your money for that. You want to go to the Ren Faire, save all you can for that. Another thing that's fucking with me He said he'd take off work and go to last month's flute circle because I really want him to experience it, but backed out because he didn't want to take off work and left me unable to attend. I rarely go, and it's the last regular experience I have to Grandbob and it absolutely fucking destroyed me to not be there. Again. I can't go to this month's because it was 2 days ago. I don't think I'll be allowed to go back for another few years, I don't think I'll be allowed to experience anything that connects me to Grandbob for another few years and by then they'll probably all be gone. I'm not allowed to cope or lash out or cry or scream or experience emotion or eat or fucking try to have some sort of connection to Grandbob because it inconveniences everyone else and I'm not allowed to have needs or try to take care of myself because it inconveniences everyone else and makes everyone else angry and every single thing I do does that. Last week I woke up at 0200 and couldn't go back to sleep even though I had to be at work at 1100 and close the shop at 2100 and work through those hours. I couldn't get back to sleep even though I tried for hours because I was having a depressive anxiety attack and crying for hours and I was literally imagining that my availability having to change and possibly not being able to work the drunk rush anymore making my boss so angry and upset that he fires me and me being as depressed and anxious and suicidal as I am, literally taking a knife and killing myself in the bathroom and my coworker (who actually got fired irl) found me and was just so apathetic and my boss literally just being like "goddammit now I have this mess to clean up and have to close early and can't make money" and me dying having zero emotional impact on either of them because I'm not a fucking person to them and all I am is a hassle. So I'm seeing that in my head and crying for hours, then I'm also seeing potential effect that that imaginary situation has on my mom and my friend and I'm crying over THAT for hours. God, I don't even fucking know. I just want to die because no one gives a fuck and I hate this country and I don't have enough money to survive and be okay in this country and politics is killing me and money and stress and I just want to fucking die because my soul is cold and nothing feels real or genuine to me anymore and I'm just a fucking obligation to everyone I'm not a fucking person I'm not important I'm just a selfish piece of shit motherfucker that needs to die alone in a hole and I'm pretty sure this whole post is a fucking guilt trip manipulation bullshit even though I don't mean it to be and I wish I never needed anything because hugs aren't feeling genuine anymore no one fucking takes my needs into consideration it doesn't matter how thin i get or how thin I'm spread it's never enough and I can't expect anyone to spread themselves the smallest bit until I'm fucking dust please just end my earthly existence Look at me Look at this fucking post I'm fucking crazy, aren't I? Isn't this the raving of a mad person? I've literally spent 2 hours typing this WHY am I this way? WHY can't I just deal with it like everyone else?

[honeyboba93]

Rumination

It’s been a while since I last posted.  In fact I don’t think I can remember the last time I did or what I wrote about without looking back on my profile.  Either way, both a lot and nothing has happened since then.

If I didn’t mention it in my past post (which now that I think about it, was probably about this specifically), Sam* (still not his real name, just FYI) and I moved in together with two of his, and by extension my, friends.  We are still living in the same town-home that we rented back then; we moved in in April of last year right after Sam and I got back from our road trip across the southern part of the USA from Virginia to California and back.  The trip was great, but really expensive.  Right after we moved into the new place, I got a new job at the local grocery store, which was willing to pay me more and was only 5 minutes away verses 40-45 minutes away through terrible traffic.  I still work there and also have a second job now working for a professional pet services company (pet sitting and dog walking essentially).  Sam started working at the same grocery store shortly after I did, but just a month or two ago, started working for a carpet cleaning company, which pays well, but he doesn’t really like so much because he is constantly tired when he comes home from work (it’s a very physical job).  I have been applying to a lot of jobs and I’ve gotten a couple of interviews, but I haven’t had any luck in actually getting any of them, either because I didn’t like the sound them as much as I thought I would or because they simply did not contact me again after the interview, even though I called two times...

We also had to kick out one of our roommates because after loosing his job, finding a new one and then deciding to quit that one before finding a new one again, was not working for months.  We had to pay his portion of his rent, which we could not keep doing of course, so we told him that he had to get some sort of job, any sort of job, even if it was at McDonald's or Wendy’s or something as long as he was earning something.  He wasn’t even keeping the house clean while he had about 4 months of time off from work and instead just slept and played video games all day.  The last straw came when, one, we actually could not longer pay for him to live here without any sort of monetary input, and two, when we found out that, unlike he had been letting us believe, he had not been paying his portion of the utilities.  Of course, because we did not know that he had trouble with money, we had no issue with putting the accounts all under his name, since he was really the one to find the place anyway.  We had been giving him our portion of the utilities to him since all of the money for them had been being taken straight from his bank account, but little did we know that he was only paying what we had put in, which was about $70 short each time (that was about what we pay each for each month for gas, electric, and internet).  We actually only found out about the gas bill first when a representative of the company almost busted down our door one day trying to get a payment out of us.  About a week later is when we found out that that was not the only one that was not being paid.  Needless to say, we had a few hundred dollars worth of overage charges and late fees, all of which could have been avoided had he been transparent about all of is, and also all of which he could not pay.  He owes us all collectively a couple of thousand dollars, but so far that I have heard, he is talking about getting another place with another friend of his that wants to move down here from Michigan.  He has yet to mention anything about paying us back.  He does have another job now and is currently living with his parents again, which I assume are not making him pay rent, but also are probably not paying for his food or anything, but food isn’t that expensive.  One of our other friends moved in to replace him.  Our new roommate is much more responsible with money; I know this because he wanted to finish paying off his car before he moved out of his parents house.

I however am not doing very good in the money department.  I barely make enough money to pay for rent and utilities plus food and all of the credit card payments I have to make as well as my car payments and insurance payments.  Most of the credit card debt has just been the result of the remnants of the hole that I was forced to dig myself into after my job at the spa screwed me out of hours and I no longer was earning enough to live off of.  That debt has just compounded into more debt and because I have that debt and even more things that I have to pay for (like lowlife, lying, mooching roommates who own me personally over $300, not to mention things like my car getting towed for no reason, random new tires because of stupid pot holes, and new phone screens because it fell off of a counter once even though no one was standing near it and it wasn’t even close to the edge...) and I just feel like I can’t seem to climb out of this pit that has formed without some sort of rope that has to be thrown in by someone else.  The only issue is, there isn’t really anyone that can throw a rope down to me because it would either have to be Sam who, even though earns a lot more now, really can’t support the both of us (as it is he already pays for a lot of stuff that I can’t pay for), or it would have to be my parents, which would mean me moving back in with them.  I wouldn’t mind moving back in with them really, except for the whole fact that I am living with my boyfriend who would not want to move in with my parents, partially because we would be living with my parents (not really an abnormal opinion) and partially because my parents live out in the middle of nowhere that is an hour away, at least, from any of his friends.  This would mean not living with him anymore, most likely, and that would, I can only assume, somewhat ruin our relationship.  I also would have to move away from the friends I have finally made with some girls who all live in this same neighborhood, which is literally the best thing that has happened to me in years.  This, however, brings me to what I was thinking about when I decided to write this lengthy post that is extremely ramble-y (I’ve been drinking a bit of alcohol, so excuse me a smidgen).  I’m not sure that I care about ruining our relationship as much as one would expect a person to in this situation.

I’m not saying, of course, that I want to go through that ordeal.  I’m not saying that I would rather move back in with my parents, because otherwise I would have already, but I have conflicting feelings.  I probably feel good about our relationship about half the time, and the other half, I think that it would make more sense for me to just end it and move back in with my parents.  Another part of me feels like I care more about loosing the friendships that I have now than I do about loosing Sam if I move back with my parents.  I am feeling all of this however with the nagging thought in the back of my mind that just says that anything negative that I am feeling, any doubts that I am having about anything, is simply because I actually have depression and that I should go to the doctor and get treated for it.  I am obviously not a doctor and a doctor has not diagnosed me in anyway with depression, but it runs in my family and I genuinely have times (like just before I decided to write this post) where I will be doing something totally normal, like watching a funny show (just as I was before this), but then I stop for a few moments to, go make tea, or food, or even just to go to the bathroom sometimes, and suddenly I feel overwhelmingly upset; so much so that I often will start crying if there is no one else around (if there is another person I just try to swallow the lump that forms in my throat and act natural until they leave or I can leave).  There are times that this will happen suddenly and then disappear again just as suddenly.  Usually, I have to distract myself with something, like a show or food or sleep, because I will just continue to roll the thoughts around in my head until they turn into even darker, more depressing thoughts that just end up making me spiral into a possible panic attack which I can only escape from if I sleep, and by sleep, I mean, sleep for a whole day if I can get away with it.  I would sleep for longer sometimes if I didn’t have a job to go to and other human beings that I had to interact with while at home or food that I had to eat or if I didn’t have to drink water or use the restroom.  Sometimes, like now, I can slightly numb the panicky anxiety that comes with the depressive thoughts if I drink alcohol.  It doesn’t always work, but usually it does; the only thing with that though, is that if anyone else is around to witness me “drinking alone” essentially, I get too paranoid about what they will think of me and then I can’t drink; you can see the pattern here.  I just don’t know how to process my thoughts because I don’t know if I can trust them; I don’t know that my thoughts and feelings aren’t coming from some illogical place in my head that really has no say in what I should be feeling or thinking about my relationship with Sam.

I end up over thinking things too much and I think it is keeping me from being happy.  There really is no particular reason why I should not be mostly happy about the place I am in in life, except for my debt and money issues, everything else is just fine.  But maybe that’s what it is, maybe “just fine” is not enough.  Sometimes I feel like I am not even seen by Sam.  Sometimes I feel like life for me really wouldn’t be any different if I were to live with my parents without him.  I wouldn’t really do anything different.  We barely ever go out and do anything, we barely even hang out at home, he just sits and plays his games whenever he isn’t working and then I’m just left to sit on the computer all day or to sleep, unless one of my friends happens to have the same time off work as I do and we can do something together, but that rarely happens too.

I know what you are probably all thinking, “Well, have you talked to him about this?” and the answer is no, I have not talked to him about it.  I know, one of the biggest things in a relationship is communication, but I don’t want to scare him either.  If it really is just my depression talking, then I will have worried him for nothing, but if it isn’t, then if I don’t talk to him about it, it might just get worse....  I honestly can’t find an appropriate time to talk to him about it anyway.  Like I said, he normally sits and plays his games all day when he isn’t working or sleeping, which is often downstairs in the common area of the house, which also means that one of our roommates could walk in on our conversation that will probably include a lot of crying from me.  This is besides the fact that when I am feeling the way I am now about the whole thing is usually when he isn’t around or when I can’t actually talk to him about it; I usually don’t feel that way when I am around him, which makes me forget to bring it up.  It does hurt to think about leaving him or him leaving me, it even hurts just to think about talking to him about the doubts that I am having, but I genuinely am not sure if that is because I do actually love him or because I just don’t want to be lonely.

I could probably write more, but I have gone on long enough as it is (as I said, I have been drinking and when I start drinking I have to have an outlet of some kind for my thought vomit, plus there was a lot to catch up on).  I am also starting to get really groggy from the time that it is, how long I have been awake for, and the alcohol.  If you did have to patience to read through this whole thing, I thank you and applaud you; I wouldn’t expect most, or really any, people to do so.  After writing all this, I feel like I might have a bit more confidence in talking to Sam about everything, so if I do talk to him, I will update with probably another excessively long post.

[veronica-rich]

avoidance of annoyance not always possible part 2

In the category of Shit They’re Fucking Well Old Enough to Know is Wrong and/or Unacceptable (see previous post for an explanation), my neighbor down the street is annoying, but not angering.

Here’s something that is: And I want to preface this by saying I try not to judge individual people, especially friends - that doesn’t mean I don’t have reflexes to do so once in a while, just that I try to examine why and not do it. (I have no problem judging whole swaths of people fixated on something stupid, like Trump voters.) But there are times it’s hard not to do so, and this is one of those situations.

Here’s the short version of the story. I have two friends with a cat; well, who had a cat. Fluffy was an old cat, hardy and apparently able to survive anything. These friends are older than I am, which is to say I expect them to have the same amount of common sense I do. They’ve had financial and job problems for nearly the entire decade I’ve known them, which is to say they don’t have much income to work with, and you know, I get that. It’s fine.

But here’s the thing. This cat had not been to a vet in years, as far as I know. And if my friends were having to choose between eating/paying rent and getting the cat basic vet care, it’d be one thing. But they run constantly. They say they don’t spend money doing it, but I don’t believe that. Gas isn’t free; neither is food away from home (it’s not free at home either, but it is more affordable).

So a couple of years ago this cat started getting pretty skinny. This happens with old cats - my old cat, may he rest in peace, was really skinny a few months before he died despite taking him to the vet frequently and trying to treat his various ailments. But these two didn’t get Fluffy seen to find out if he had something he needed treated (i.e., hyperthyroidism, diabetes, etc.). And in the past several months, they’ve actually been in a better position of both working and could have probably taken him to a vet. But instead, they bought a new car (I don’t mean an updated used car, which they did need; I mean a brand new car) and continued on with planning to go to a con a few hundred miles away, along with other Fun Things To Do.

Last week the cat started having swelling in his legs. Still no vet. Now one of the friends had lost their job just recently, so you try to think, well, damn, less money coming in. (Trying not to judge yet!) But then it comes out they’re still going on their trip next week come hell or high water (how this affects me is I look after their cat when they’re out of town, and vice versa - plus I’m a friend who cares). So I say something to them - “Do you really think you should be going? Yes, you put a deposit on the hotel room last year, but surely there’s more money you’d spend by going for gas, food, remaining hotel time, purchases, than you’d lose by staying home and taking Fluffy to the vet?”

Nope. Everything’s paid for already. Which I don’t believe, but what am I going to say? How the fuck do you pay ahead for gas and food and incidentals that might add up enough to go to the emergency vet clinic in town?

So the cat got much, much worse over the weekend, close to death. He finally got to go to the vet this morning thanks to a donation from another friend of theirs ... to get euthanized. Here are the things in no particular order that bother me about all of this.

1. If you have a pet, as if you have a child, do your very best to take care of them, especially if they’re sick. “Well, you don’t know,” you might say. Yes, I DO know. I spent several years working multiple jobs with no health insurance and no trips to the doctor, no cable, eating maybe 2 meals a day because that’s all I could afford, steadily going further into debt just paying the bills I had to to get by ... and my cat went to the vet every year for shots and when he was sick enough, long enough, to warrant it. At one point I had to stop buying cheap Meow Mix for him and go permanently to a far more expensive brand so he’d stop getting sick. I was single, I had no partner’s income to help, my parents couldn’t afford to help, and I made just a *smidge* too much to qualify for any public assistance.

2. I’m the first to say even poor people deserve some treats. I like my Starbucks; when I was poorer, I liked my occasional cheeseburger and milkshake at the drugstore, or a nice soap from TJ Maxx. I sometimes got a carryout pizza. But none of this ever came at the expense of leaving a visibly sick or suffering pet sick and suffering. If I had to forego something fun, I did.

3. When my cat had a chronic illness and I went out of town for work or pleasure (what few times I did), I made sure someone could look after him and administer his medicine as needed. I was never gone too many days and I checked in to see how he was doing. I don’t expect anyone’s life to come to a halt for their pet, but again, there’s a difference between that and basic responsibilities.

4. What bothers me maybe the most is self-guilt. I don’t have much money right now, but a year, a couple of years ago, I had a little more. And I thought at the time about offering to pay for Fluffy to go to the vet, and I didn’t make the offer - for one reason. I knew if the vet found something chronic wrong with him (as I suspected they would - he had some of the symptoms my old cat had), it would require ongoing treatment and attention and I did not trust his owners to put aside the money needed to do this (even if it was minimal each month) or to rearrange their “running and doing” schedule to provide that care. And in order for this cat to continue to get the treatment he needed, I had a bad feeling I would end up having to foot that bill ... and that, I couldn’t afford, because I have pets of my own I have to look after. So, one vet visit wouldn’t have helped Fluffy very much. But I feel guilty nonetheless.

They’re going to post about losing Fluffy on social media, and garner all kinds of sympathy and virtual hugs, and I’m not begrudging them that. I certainly don’t want to butt in and turn well-wishes away. But part of me wishes those sympathizers knew what I know. And another part of me wishes I could vocalize to them how I feel about it ... but we come back to Shit They’re Fucking Well Old Enough to Know is Wrong and/or Unacceptable.