#post-8x22 fix-it

[ace-of-spaders]

@my-robot-heart once upon a time sent me a prompt "I'm here. I never left." for Lizzington.

It was the kind of prompt I fell in love with from first glance but couldn't decide which direction to take right away, so I left it for a while.

I must admit, I'm rather glad that I did, because the idea I eventually went with came to me only after the season finale (because, like everyone else, I had to fix it somehow), but I'm also sorry, Robot, that it took me so long and can only hope that the end product is worth the waiting)

That is, considering your attitude towards the 8x22, I feel it's fair to warn you that this ficlet is set post-8x22 and is angsty - because Red is suffering and Liz is suffering because Red is suffering - but also hopeful because, guess what, Liz lives, so I really hope you'll like it!

(Also, it was supposed to be just a tiny ficlet but my fingers slipped... a lot, so it's now 2,000 words long))

Last but not the least, I think I need to tag @thetwistedargent, too, because her ghost!Lizzie stories low-key inspired this one. Even though I'm not brave nor strong enough to write dead!Lizzy.

Well, now enough with my rambling and on with the ficlet itself, I guess?)

---

She comes to him every night. Wearing loose sweaters that don’t constrict her chest, Liz slips past Dembe and into Red’s bedroom and invariably scrunches her nose up from the suffocating smell of cigar smoke that hangs heavily in the air.

Red hasn’t left his room in days – ever since Dembe brought him home on that fateful night he lost ( or thought he lost ) the meaning of his life in the form of his beloved Lizzy – wallowing in his grief, choking on his own guilt more than the smoke of cigars he smokes more than ever these days and drowning ( or, at least, trying to drown ) his sorrow in immeasurable quantities of alcohol. Liz is acutely aware of this newly established routine of his and what it does to his health and wishes with all her heart she could do something more about it other than visit him nightly while he sleeps, wishes she could reassure him that she’s alive and well and he doesn’t have to mourn her. But she can’t, not yet. So she crosses the room to the window and opens it wide in ultimately vain attempts to chase the choking odor of cigar smoke away. Taking a deep breath of fresh air to try and quell the storm of emotions raging inside of her, Liz turns her gaze to the loaded gun lying discarded on the desk ( she knows that Dembe tried to take that gun away from Red out of fear he might do something… unreasonable in his grief but Red didn’t let him, speaking up for the first time in quite a while just to reassure his old friend that he doesn’t have any intention of ending his own life… it will end soon enough anyway, even without such act of cowardice ) and runs her hand over the cool metal, feeling her heart clench at the thought of how apathetic, how utterly hopeless Red has become in – because of – her absence. Then, her gaze usually shifts towards the always empty decanter of whiskey, which – she knows – is refilled a couple of times a day by Reddington, the equally empty glass discarded on his nightstand, and only then she finally turns to look at the man himself. He looks awful, to put it mildly, worse with each passing day. The clothes he sleeps in don’t quite fit him in the same snug way they used to, reminding Liz of the fact that it takes a lot of convincing on Dembe’s part ( that man must truly be a saint ) to make him eat every single day and that he does so without any enthusiasm or appetite and continues to waste away despite his old friend’s best efforts. Tears brim in her eyes as Liz moves towards the bed and carefully sits down on its very edge, her eyes roaming over Red’s slack face and taking note of the ever-growing stubble, the deepening dark circles under his eyes, the gauntness of his cheeks, and the sickly pallor of his skin. “Oh, Red,” she whispers hoarsely, unable to keep all the despair and helplessness she feels when she realizes that he’s dying without her and yet she can’t do much about it inside, and reaches out to cup his cheek with her warm palm, to trace the sharpened outline of his cheekbone with her thumb or stroke his head, the smile that stretches her lips at the feeling of his hair – now longer than usual – tickling her palm too wobbly and weak. Sometimes, he sleeps peacefully… or, rather, dreamlessly in his drunken beyond measure state, never once waking or even stirring, and on those rare occasions Liz just sits by his side, holding his hand or stroking his shoulder or head, till the first rays of sunlight come streaming through the window. Most of the nights, though, he suffers, thrashing around, tangling the sheets and throwing off blankets, panting and whimpering and crying, his mind tormenting him with vivid reconstructions of some of the worst moments of his life, and Liz hesitates, unsure of whether she should try to wake him or not, unsure of what he’s dreaming about… until her name – her seemingly long-forgotten nickname – spills from his lips and she knows exactly what he’s dreaming about. She doesn’t hesitate any longer. “Shh, Red, it’s alright,” she hushes him gently, leaning in close and settling her hands on his shoulders firmly but gently or cupping his cheeks with her warm, very much alive hands, “I’m here. I’m here, I never left.” Tears finally spill from her own eyes as Liz whispers quiet reassurances and sweet nothings to the suffering man, willing him to feel her

presence and wishing she could take the memories of that awful night away from him ( even though initially, she thought that it would be a good lesson for him, putting him in what could be her place if she pulled the trigger… but she didn’t think it would affect him that much, to the point where he isn’t really living anymore, just struggling to exist ), until she gets too choked up to speak… until Red jerks one more time under her hands and either finally settles into deep, exhausted, dreamless slumber with a heavy sigh ( in which case Liz picks the blankets he’s thrown off up from the floor, covers him with them again, tucking him in and making sure he’s warm and comfortable, and goes back to keeping her silent vigil, wiping her tears away and fighting the desire to climb into bed with him, wrap him up in her arms and never let go ) or wakes up. She always freezes when he does, when his eyes slowly open and he squints up at her in the dark, because she’s not sure how he’s going to react, even though his reaction is the same each and every time. He frowns up at her at first, his heavy with sleep and hazy from alcohol mind struggling to comprehend what is happening in front of him, but even though he doesn’t recognize her, even though in his eyes she might look like an intruder, he doesn’t even try to protect himself from any possible danger – as if he doesn’t care about what happens to him, if he lives to see another day or not – and Liz’s heart breaks at the thought. ( How did she manage to break him – the strongest man she’s ever known – so hard, so possibly irreparably? ) But then recognition dawns on his face and his lips part softly and he stares up at her with utter disbelief and very tentative hope, slowly reaching his hand up, as if in trance, to touch her cheek. She lets him, leaning slightly into his touch. “Lizzy,” Red breathes, so pained and intensely relieved at the same time that Liz hates herself for doing this to him in the first place and for not being able to go out of hiding ( but it’s not only her life that’s on the line, it’s also her daughter’s and, to a degree, his, so she has to wait out until her fame in the upper and under worlds quiets down ), to console him, to make him understand that she’s not just a figment of his imagination ( she learned pretty quickly that he doesn’t let himself even consider the possibility that she might be real and not just his hallucination or a surprisingly pleasant dream ) just yet, “Lizzy.” And every night when he wakes up to such a vivid, realistic image of his lost love, he begs her for forgiveness – for absolution – and kisses her hands, the scar on her wrist with such tangible, blatant devotion it makes her heart ache. And every night when he apologizes to her, she tells him that she’s already forgiven him for everything but never takes advantage of his fragile, weak, unguarded state to get the long overdue answers out of him ( after all, she had enough time on her hands while she recovered to understand that, at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter who they were in the past… what matters is who they are now – Red and Lizzy – and that he loves her with as much ardor as she loves him ). They always end up in each other's arms, with Red pressing messy, fervent, desperate kisses to her cheeks and forehead and the soft cascade of her shiny mahogany hair and Liz rubbing his back in what she hopes is a soothing manner, their tears mixing and staining his shirt and her sweater. “Lizzy, Lizzy, Lizzy,” Red repeats in between kisses in his low, cracking from the lack of use voice, again and again and again, like a mantra, a prayer that sounds to her ears too much like Don't go, don't go, don't go... She knows she can't promise him that now. But she can promise to stay until the morning, which is why when he whispers softly, brokenly "Stay?" in her hair, his weight settling heavier against her after the emotional turmoil of the past few minutes? hours? – Liz doesn't know how much time they spend sitting there on his bed in the mess of tangled limbs,

the mix of apologies and reassurances and each other's names that sound for all the world like declarations of love, like I'm sorry and I miss you and I don't want to ever let you go spilling from their lips – leaves him even more exhausted than the pain and the grief of the day do, she simply nods and gently pushes him away and onto his back. Red doesn't take his eyes off her as she picks the blankets up and settles beside him and tucks the blankets around them both ( Liz is acutely aware of his gaze, burning with adoration and desperation in equal measure, on her back and the side of her face ). Even as she opens her arms for him in a silent invitation to move closer and he does just that, snuggling up to her side, resting his head on her shoulder and wrapping his arms around her waist tightly but not enough to hurt, he doesn't close his eyes. Liz can tell by the way he's breathing and his body goes practically rigid with tension that he's fighting the undeniably strong pull of sleep long after they've settled in for the night. That confused her on the first day but then she understood. He knows that in the morning she won't be there, that this illusion, hallucination, dream he's having will shatter once he closes his eyes and succumbs to exhaustion. And he doesn't want to lose her again. Not for the third, fourth, fifth, umpteenth time ( when she thinks about it, Liz is not even sure if her visits help him or hurt him more... but she can't stop, she can't go about her days without knowing first-hand how Red is doing ). So Liz does the only thing she can do to soothe him: she cups the back of his head, presses a light kiss to his forehead and lies. "Sleep, Red. I will be here when you wake up." "No, you won't," he whispers back flatly – just pointing out the obvious – with an undertone of finality that haunts her long after he obediently closes his eyes and his body finally relaxes in her arms. Because he's right: she always leaves long before he wakes up, giving Dembe a hug goodbye and asking him – rather unnecessarily but she can't help herself – to take care of Red, with only one thought keeping her going through the day: That one day – and hopefully, not in such a distant future – she will be there in the morning when Red wakes up.

[aussieokie]

Hi! I am a long time fan of your writing and love the works you did in the past, you write Ressler and Keenler so well and there's so much details and fellings I love it so much by the way thanks for sharing with us your works and imagination. I also wanted to know if you intent on writing any more fics for Ressler even after this disaster of 8x22.

Hey, thank you :-) I did love writing Ressler and Keenler so much in the early years - and had a lot of fun dragging Ressler through the wringer!

My feelings on the show changed a ton after season 8, with Megan missing for a third of the season and then, as you mentioned, that debacle of 822.

I do have 3/4 of a fix-it-fic done that I started last summer, post 822. But I never got back to it to finish it, and now feel even less like doing it after seeing Ressler in 907.

So will I write more Ressler? Maybe. Never say never. Thanks for the kind words!

[angelfishofthelord]

I wrote this post about fix-it fics where the boys are actually there for Cas in all the times he suffered alone in show and then @bluejaybug and @alphamano asked for the list so here you go! I divided them up by seasons; most of them are all one-shots or episode codas but there are a couple of longer ones.

Season 5:

We Will Work With Each Other, We Will Work Side by Side by @maychorian: post 5x13 the boys look after Cas

The Sleeping Safety Squad by @inkandpaperqwerty: during 5x13 Sam looks after Cas when he suffers from time travel complications

Season 6:

Not Quickly Broken by @littlehollyleaf : post 6x22 where the boys help save Cas

Season 7:

Silent and Still by @wallmakerrelict: Dean talks to Cas before leaving him in 7x17

Perspective by @purplearrowzandleather: the boys actually visit Cas in the hospital

Good Things Do Happen by @darkestsight: the boys forgive Cas like family

Season 8:

Breakdown Lanes by @dustlines: Dean helps Cas deal with his suicidal thoughts

Bound to Follow You Down by @littlehollyleaf : Dean and Sam figure out what was going on with Naomi and help Cas

Home by shinigami_yumi: someone (Sam) is nice to Cas when he comes back post 8x22

Season 9:

Always Welcome by @endlessnepenthe: Cas is safe and warm in the Bunker for his first human night

The Loss of Healing by @a-rose-with-a-thorn: the boys find Cas and take him home

Season 10:

This Time by @aini-nufire: the boys find Cas dying from the stolen grace

Season 11:

Consequences by @fromcenotaphy: Cas doesn't go to the angels and instead Sam finds him and takes care of him.

Traumatized by dragonwriter24cmf: the boys talk to Cas about his tv binge-watching and ptsd

Netflix Novacaine by @catalogercas: 11x06 coda where Dean talks to Cas about what Metatron said

Live and Let Die by @aini-nufire: Sam talks to Cas about the self-worth issues that led to Cas saying yes to Lucifer

Season 12:

Living Arrangements by @fromcenotaphy: early s12 where Dean makes sure Cas knows he's family

Everything by @castielsdisciple: the boys realize how their deal in 12x09 would have affected Cas

Season 13:

The Last Star of Mo(u)rning by @lies-unfurl: Cas tells Dean about Naomi and the angels

Everything Ends by @aini-nufire: post 13x19 the boys help Cas deal with what he found out in Heaven

Wenn Die Engel Fallen by @29-pieces: Sam checks on Cas after the confrontation with his apocalypse - world self

Season 15:

this room is wrong by @castielsdisciple: post 15x03 Sam goes to find Cas

Stitches (hold together) by lynx357: post 15x03 Cas gets taken care of by the Wayward Sisters and Jody

Out in the Open by @paclipas-blog: post 15x03 Dean gets his head out of his ass

If you know of any more good fix-it fics feel free to add onto the list! Especially for s10~ that stolen grace situation is sorely lacking in fix-its. Also thank you to all you beautiful writers for giving us what the show never did

[my-robot-heart]

💡 and, maybe, 🎁, if you don’t mind?)

💡what inspires my fic ideas, and 🎁 have a line from a wip?

what inspires? hmm aside from the actual show (don't die, I mean the good parts not the Blavkoist parts) I'm inspired by tons of things: gifs of the characters, gifs of not the characters, song lyrics, prompts here on tumblr, things that have happened in my real life, things I wish would have happened in my real life, imaginary conversations I have never had, dreams, tropes from fave old movies, reading other fics, thinking about how to fix what went wrong in the show, thinking about the scenes I would have wanted to see on screen, listening to the actors talking...

have a line from a wip? Sure, I don't have any wips that aren't posted yet (other than my fix it fic for 8x22 which was more of a therapeutic thing than a thing I think I want to post) so here's a line from the next chapter of Take A Chance that I'm working on

 His mind whirled with possibilities and settled on the absolute worst outcomes.

Lol 😆 I can't not write a confused Red. I just can't.

Thank you for these asks, my little sunflower seed!

[meetmeatthecoda]

What are your future writing projects?)

(I mean, we know that you're working on that fix-it fic rn – and I'm so looking forward to it, because a 8x22 fix-it fic from my favorite writer is something I've dreamt about since the finale came out, even though, of course, I respect your right to take your time – but do you already have plans for the future?)

Hello there, sweet anon!! 🤗 What a lovely question, I'm assuming it stems from the Writing Asks post I reblogged, & I actually did just answer this question in this ask, but I'll copy & paste & add a little more detail for you here 😉

2. What are your future writing projects?

You're very correct, first up is my 8.22 fic, which just needs final edits, which admittedly might be a lot, given that it’s over 11k at this point!! 😂 But hopefully it’ll be posted this weekend 😉 (And I can't tell you how happy it makes me that you're looking forward to it, anon!! And the fact that you called me your favorite writer??? 🥺🥺🥺 I just hope it lives up to your expectations!! I think that's why it's taken me so long to write... I want it to be really good, partly bc it's my first fic since The Terrible Awful™ but mostly bc I want it to be something therapeutic & comforting & consoling for you guys... Needless to say, I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself for this one 😂)

But yes, past that, I absolutely have plans for the future. I'm cursed with thinking ahead & long-term planning in pretty much every aspect of my life & that's certainly true for my fics as well LOL So, the 8.22 fic will be part of a new finale-related series… I’ve got 5 parts in mind. I came up with them all a day or two after the finale in the shower after my huge crying jag & immediately wrote them all down after I got out. I think they'll be good!! Emotional, but good.

After that series is complete, I’d like to take some time to breathe & step away from the finale (not that I haven’t done that already LOL) & take any & all prompts anyone has!! Could be prompts from tumblr, episode related prompts, or just random ideas I have from re-watches or whatever. Idk how long that phase of things will last, but when it’s done - or perhaps alternating with it - I plan to finish my WIPs, starting with Aquamarine. I'm super excited to write the six other AUs I have sketched out for that. I have another part of Facets in mind after Aquamarine that I’m very excited about (I only have a vague idea, but it'll be a big thing, & it's near & dear to my heart), plus there’s Grifting With The Enemy (yes, I know, I’m awful, but I do plan on finishing it!!) & Scripted (fingers crossed). And then I know what I want my last Lizzington fic to be. That’s something I’m keeping to myself for the time being since I don’t know when I’ll end up writing it, but I’ve had it in mind for a long time & I think it would be really neat & tidy way to finish things, whenever the time comes. Although it may not be for a while 😊

Well, now that you know way more than you ever wanted to about my fic to-do list, I hope you liked that, anon!! 😂 Thank you very much again for this ask, your interest, & your love, I'm so flattered!! 🥰 Much, much love to you, my dear friend!! ❤️

Writing Asks ✨

[trulisthetic]

Japril Playlist

[If you have any songs you want to add MESSAGE ME and I’ll add them to this post. We’ll get lost with all the reblogs otherwise 😋]

         SONG                                                                        SOURCE

All or Nothing - Au Revoir Simone                                 8x21

Lakehouse - Of Monsters And Men                              8x21

Bells - The Naked And Famous                                      8x22

Museum of Flight - Damien Jurado                               9x06

Without You - Ingrid Michaelson                                   9x24

All Of Me - John Legend                                                 9x24

Total Eclipse of the Heart - Jill Andrews                      10x12

Total Eclipse of the Heart - Sleeping at Last               10x13

Bones - Josh Record                                                     10x13

Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic - Sleeping at Last 10x20

Find a Place - Iko                                                            11x16  

Love Story - Barcelona                                                  12x08

Touch - Sleeping at Last                                                12x11

If You Went Away - Daniel Wilson                                 12x15

Forever Mine - Andra Day                                             12x17

Close to You - Rihanna                                                  12x19 

Nothing Compares 2 U - Prince ft Rosie Gaines         12x22

River of Tears - Alessia Cara                                         12x24

Love on the Brain - Rihanna                                          12x24

Faith - Sleeping at Last ft Sarah Drew                          13x02

Japril Theme Song                                                          13x04 || 13x07

1968 - James David                                                         13x07

Remember Home - Sebastian Kole ft Alessia Cara     13x07

It Ain’t Easy - Muddy Magnolias                                     13x07

Got Your Number - Serena Ryder                                  13x15

Doubt - Mary J. Blige                                                       13x16

You Don’t Know - Jill Scott                                             13x16

Look After You - The Fray                                               (x) (s6-8A)

Shut Up and Dance - Walk The Moon                            (x) (s9A)

Sparks Fly - Taylor Swift                                                  (x) (s8B-9A)

One More Night - Maroon Five                                      (x) (s9A)

Photograph - Ed Sheeran                                               (x) (s11B-13)

Fight Song - Rachel Platten                                            (x) (s12A)

Be Still - The Fray                                                             (x) (s13B)

In My Veins - Andrew Bell                                                (x) (s12B)

I Still Love You - Josh Jenkins                        @japrilgreys (s12B/s13)

Say Something-A Great Big World                  @japrilgreys (s12A)

Bring It Back to Me - Martin Luke Brown       @japrilgreys (s11B)

Little Pieces of You - Ben Hartley                   @japrilgreys (s8-s13)

Somewhere Only We Know - Lily Allen           @japrilgreys (s10B/11A)

The Story Never Ends - Lauv                           @japrilgreys (s12A)

Speak Now - Taylor Swift                                  @japrilgreys (s10)

The Way I Loved You - Taylor Swift                 @japrilgreys (s9B/s10A)

I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) - Sleeping At Last  @japrilgreys (s9/s10)

As Long As You Love Me - Sleeping at Last  @japrilgreys (s10B)

Ours - Taylor Swift                                             @japrilgreys (s10B)

Thinking Out Loud - Ed Sheeran                     @japrilgreys (s10B)

Drunk - Ed Sheeran                                          @japrilgreys (s9B/s10A)

Dust and Gold - Arrows to Athens                  @japrilgreys(s12)

Reason for Love - David Hodges                   @japrilgreys(s11B)

Little do you know-Alex &Sierra                      @japrilgreys (s12B/s13)

Love Gone Mad - Stars Go Dim                       @japrilgreys(s12/s13)

May I - Trading Yesterday                                 @japrilgreys(s11)

One Day - Trading Yesterday                           @japrilgreys(s11B)

Nothing But Love - Trading Yesterday           @japrilgreys(s10B)

Wonderwall - Oasis                                           @japrilgreys (s10B)

New York - Snowpatrol                                     @japrilgreys(s11B)

Whispers - Dave Baxter            @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s13)

The Cave - Mumford and Sons @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn (s7/s11B)

Talk me Down - Troye Sivan      @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s10A)

Girl Crush - Little Big Town       @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s9B/s10A)

Last Kiss - Taylor Swift               @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s12B)

Drops of Jupiter - Train             @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(11B/12A)

One - Ed Sheeran                       @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s9A/10B)

Impossible - Shontelle               @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s12B) 

You are in love - Taylor Swift    @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s10B)

Hanging by a Moment-Lifehouse@astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(8B/9A)

Thinking of You-Katy Perry        @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s9B/10A)

Wherever I go - OneRepublic   @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn (s8-13)

Fix You -Coldplay                        @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s11A/11B)

Halo -Beyonce                             @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s10B/11A)

Thunder - Boys Like Girls          @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s10B)

Kiss Me - Ed Sheeran                 @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s8B/s9A)

Feel Again - OneRepublic          @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s8B)

Collide - Howie Day                     @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s10B)

Last to Know - The Wanted        @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s12B)

Side to Side - Ariana Grande     @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn

Shape of You - Ed Sheeran        @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn

That's What I Like - Bruno Mars @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s10/11)

Dive - Ed Sheehan                       @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s13)

Starving - Hailey Steinfeld          @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s8B/9A)

Perfect - Ed Sheehan                  @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s8-s13)

Replace your heart - The Wanted                                            @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s9A/10A/12/13A)

When I was Your Man - Bruno Mars                                                      @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s9B/s10A)

Everything Has Changed - Taylor Swift ft Ed Sheeran                                                                              @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s8B/s9A)

Send My Love to Your New Lover - Adele                                                                                                 @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s9B/s10A)

“Japril Playlist”                                                           @doctorkepner

Need You Now - Lady Antebellum                            @littlegreys

Everything - Lifehouse                                              @littlegreys

For Blue Skies - Strays Don’t Sleep                         @littlegreys

Beside You - Marianas Trench                                 @littlegreys

Armor - Landon Austin                                               @littlegreys

Nothing - The Script                                                   @littlegreys

Honeymoon Avenue - Ariana Grande                      @littlegreys

Glitter in the Air - P!nk                                               @littlegreys

Fall in Love - Barcelona                                            @littlegreys

Same Old Same Old - The Civil Wars             @only-freakin-sunflowers

What Happened to Perfect - Lukas Graham @only-freakin-sunflowers

You Can't Stop Me - Laura Benanti               @only-freakin-sunflowers

[elizabethrobertajones]

Ok.. so do you think Charlie's ''Did you break up with someone too?'' to Dean refers to Castiel or Benny? Personally I like to think it refers to Cas since I ship Destiel, but Benny also seems plausible in the context...

Oh, my friend… I love this one so much :P You’re pressing my meta buttons here.

On the surface text, the episode opens with a recap that as far as I recall was pretty much just comparing Sam breaking up with Amelia to Dean giving Benny the adios. Charlie’s line is also seemingly touching on the same thing but in a surface text way you can shrug it off as the fact that it’s just a comparison - even go fairly deep on it being a commentary on the way that the brothers give stuff up for each other whether it’s a lover or vampire BFF who totally deserved better… And you can get quite deep in talking about all that without really needing to think too deep about the comparison that brought you there

Of course because it’s paralleling a break up to something else that looked a hell of a lot like a break up, it’s queer subtext around Dean and Benny. I personally think there’s no real implication Dean and Benny were a Thing, or that Dean in particular was romantically interested in Benny especially as the overlap with Cas drama is just too huge. However, in the got-back-to-earth side of the story, Benny is played off instead of a Dean/Cas love triangle, a Sam and Dean one and Benny is used to start off the jealousy and insecurity about being brothers that fuels Sam’s meltdown (Cas is involved in this too - honestly that 1 second blink and you miss it shove to get shotgun in 8x08 is the entire basis of this in a way :P Benny soaks up a lot of this which makes it easier in a sense that Cas doesn’t take too much fire for getting between Sam and Dean). 

Obviously if you like that sort of thing the relationship subtext between Dean and Benny makes the other point of the love triangle coded that way, though I see it as jealousy about Dean having someone else who calls him brother (as Benny does, repeatedly.) The actual subtext here (Dean sneaking around with a secret relationship, followed by Sam’s issues with the discovery of it, Sam clearly comparing it to Ruby’s seduction of him though I don’t think he says so in as many words, and the break up) is more on Dean and his relationship to Benny, in the way that it looks and the way people react. Charlie’s comparison is part of that: though Dean doesn’t inherently do anything relationship-y with Benny, everyone around him reads it that way and it creates a sort of… bubble around it.

I think it does count as Dean is bi subtext in the sense that it’s part of a wider pattern of Dean always having this stuff, there WAS romantic coding between them (because of the heavy paralleling to Sam and Amelia through the entire first half of the season equating Dean and Benny to that relationship) but maybe more in a potential or missed opportunity way (and I feel like Benny could be read as in love with Dean very easily). It’s kind of just… stuff happening in his orbit all the time that ends up coding him this way because of the relentless way it attaches to him :P Since I mentioned 10x19 already today re: Sam and Rowena, I’m just going to throw in a reminder that Benny is an established powerful part of Dean’s subconscious. There was no direct reason he’d be called up unlike how Rowena had a very immediate relevance to Sam. Benny just affected Dean that much that a spectre of him was such a powerful choice in that case)

Though the parallels were all between Amelia and Benny, in the recap of 8x11 and the end of 8x10 clearly being about this in DIRECT parallels, Dean ALSO is starting to have real issues with Cas because of his weird behaviour. Cas fucks off at the end of the episode in 8x10 and doesn’t return until 8x17, while Dean gets increasingly worried about his absence, and this is the first episode of that in between time as the main plot drama with Cas festers in the background. Dean DOESN’T have an emotional arc about Benny in this time in the same way that we never get any comment about Benny being on his mind between seeing him, and in 8x10 Dean is actually pretty neglectful of him because of all the drama going on (involving Cas, who comes to him to start them off on this one, but also some Sam drama on the side)… 

If we compare it to the similar emotional structure of season 11, it’s like 11x11 where Dean has no idea Cas is possessed by Lucifer but that and the surrounding episodes really start to lay on the irony that he hasn’t noticed yet. Since 8x11 is the start of a period of worrying about Cas. 

For example our first ever episode that starts with the now standard pattern of Winchesters in the Bunker, one comes into the room and asks what’s up, find a case that way, etc, part of that conversation is the “have you heard from Cas” thing we get oh so used to hearing in this much-repeated conversation :P This all builds until 8x16 which ends with Dean asking where Cas is all tearful after that prayer…

So, this comment about a break up going forwards, can have a double meaning of the rocky times indicated by how weird Cas is (and 8x10 ends with Sam and Dean warding the cabin so they can talk about how weird Cas is and how he flapped off so strangely and Dean of course is very hurt by it). The fact that he left has an open-ended feeling of hurt and worry for Dean about what’s up with him, and is the emotional arc we’ll get if we have to make it a competition between Cas and Benny about what’s affecting Dean going forwards. Benny sort of gets filed with Lisa in things we never talk about again, but if Dean is hurting and weird about it… Cas is the one who we see drama about ongoing :P 

I also think there’s double meaning in what Dean says to prompt that:

DEAN Yeah, well, now he’s more committed than ever, so there’s that. But, trust me, this life – you can’t afford attachments. You just got to… let go.

Season 8 has a lot of Cas fucking off when Dean wants him around - it’s basically the point of their emotional drama. In 8x22 Dean says “sounds like him” when Sam can’t find Cas in the Bunker, and in 8x23 Cas comes to Dean telling him he’s going to go lock himself up in Heaven forever for the sake of fixing it. In 8x11, Dean’s so far lost Cas in Purgatory only to discover Cas willingly stayed behind, gone through the process of adopting Cas as a hunter in 8x08 only to have Cas choose to stay behind and not come with them, then Cas pops up in 8x10 wanting Dean’s help, and flaps off immediately and weirdly enough he and Sam need a crisis meeting about it.

Dean very clearly wants Cas to stay, so in this respect, Dean’s abandonment issues are deeply at play in this season, as he keeps on trying to keep Cas, and to make him stay, and losing that. I can understand why he’d be (doubly) bitter about attachments after having to let go of Benny in the same day he was dealing with his 3rd or 4th feeling of Cas leaving THAT SEASON already, and that it might be on his mind when he says that, because he had to both push Benny away, and just can’t make Cas stay, so what’s the point of getting attached to him? Making Dean both the dump-er and dump-ee by the end of 8x10. 

I also went through my blog and found a ton of links to other discussion of this… Some of it Dean x Benny, some of it Destiel, some of it kind of… less shippy:

http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/127712786998/lrthreads-suricattus-mooseleys-8x10-vs

http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/126528573368/i-dont-ship-deanbenny-but-i-can-see-there-is

http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/98136115408/crossroadscastiel-torn-and-frayed-is-such-an

http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/94449409953/rhymeswthfrenzy-and-this-is-why-ill-never

http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/151662901753/bisexual-dean-winchester-i-was-just-rewatching

http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/148212898434/dustydreamsanddirtyscars-8x11-larp-and-the

[angelfishofthelord]

i haven't watched s8/s9 in a long while. do sam and dean know anything about cas's status as notorious angel rebel or does dean just think cas beat the shit out of him for no reason one time?

Hey Jeb thanks for asking! I've been rewatching s8 recently and being re-flooded in all the pain of that season, especially in regards to how neglected Cas is. Watching s8 knowing what happens in the finale breaks your heart even more because you see all the reasons why Cas was so desperate to fix heaven.

But anyways. Sorry for being sidetracked. To answer your question, Dean does know why Cas beat him up in the crypt; in 8x17 the scene cuts to him asking "so this Naomi chick's has been controlling you ever since she got you out of Purgatory?" I assume Cas explained to him the general situation, not anything like "she trained me to kill you hundreds of times and drilled into my head."

Then in 8x22 post-Cas' escape from Crowley it seems like Cas told them something about what happened because they know he lost the tablet but that's it.

And Dean is just furious with Cas. "You didn't trust me? You didn't trust me?"

Cas stands there and apologies "for everything" and Dean throws it all back in his face, saying "it's not gonna cut it, not this time. So you can take your little apology and cram it up your ass."

When Cas says "I thought I was doing the right thing" Dean just LOOKS at him and goes "Yeah. You always do."

So no Sam and Dean canonically never know about, as you delightfully put it, "notorious angel rebel" Cas and that scene with Dean goes down in my books as being in the top three Worst Things Dean Has Said to Cas.

[ace-of-spaders]

I've just caught up on my notifications, most of which are for my post-8x22 fix-it ficlet, and...

Wow.

I wasn't sure if it turned out good (it looked better in my head... but I suppose it's always like that when you're writing something) and didn't expect it to get such positive reviews, but you all are so nice, it actually makes me feel a little more confident about my writing 😊

So thank you, lovely people, for your kind words!