#posted this earlier but it got flagged *_* tumblr let me be

[sillyfairygarden]

a stranger with a sly smile.... i caught the hades brainworms so obviously i had to draw scarlet pearl (now with a companion bigb!)

[azurelyy]

Let's see if I've been shadowbanned by tumblr for not posting in forever. Also, let's see if this gets flagged for me not knowing the TOS anymore LOL. I know most of my followers are here for Naruto content and I am so sorry that this fucking vampire elf has taken over my brain so much that he's the first thing I've written about in forever!

Title: A Bloody Affair

WARNINGS: NSFW beneath the cut. Period oral. F!reader. Astarion goes feral. Fem!reader. Established relationship and slight Act II spoilers. This is just a drabble(ish... I got carried away lmao), but I haddddd to. I’m aware this has been done to death (no pun intended).

His vermillion eyes were darker than usual as you all sat around the firelight, enjoying a hot meal after an unusually hard day of travel. Specks of orange flickered in his gaze like shooting stars through Avernus’ red-hot sky. His hands were tightened into leadened fists by his sides, his lips formed together in a thin line. He’s hungry, and he’s not even trying to hide it.

Amused, you tilted your head to the side, exposing the faded bite marks from when you last allowed him to feed on you a few weeks ago.

“Everything alright, Astarion?” You hummed. “You look pale. Well, paler than normal.”

Astarion laughed, a dark and twisted thing that left your stomach in knots. Would you ever learn to stop teasing him? It only ends badly for you. Every. Time.

“Me? Oh, I’m just fine.” His eyes slowly trailed down your body, locking onto your midsection before flicking back to your face. “You, however,” his fangs glistened in the pale moonlight as he smiled. “You look a little… hot. Too close to the fire, perhaps? Your cheeks are absolutely flushed, my dear.”

And they were. Knowing what the two of you had agreed to out on the battlefield earlier. Awaiting the moment everyone else fell into a deep slumber while you had to sit there, your thighs clamped together as thoughts of Astarion’s tongue ravishing at your core filled your head… It was torturous. Worse than anything Loviatar could come up with.

Karlach scoffed and playfully covered her ears. “Guys! No flirting around the bonfire, pleeeease. It’s hard enough I’ve gone so long without touching someone. I can’t sit here listening to you two flirt all night on top of it.”

You laughed and whispered a soft 'sorry' while Astarion merely hummed his acknowledgement. The rest of the evening was a blur, your mind occupied elsewhere entirely. Finally, when the sounds of snores filled the air and the last of the firelight flickered away, you got up from your bedroll and slowly made your way to Astarion’s tent.

The flap was left partially open and you found Astarion fumbling with a book. He looked distracted, almost like he wasn't reading it at all. The moment you got to the tent entrance, his eyes were upon you - dark, hungry, lustful. You smiled, heat creeping its way up your neck and cheeks, as Astarion swiftly closed the book and tossed it aside.

“Don’t tell me I have to invite you in, darling,” he drawled. “Come here.”

He reached his hand out and you took it gently as he guided you to sit down in his lap. He sighed and nosed his way up the side of your neck, gently swiping his tongue along your still-healing fang marks. His arm wrapped around your midsection, pushing your back against his chest. He's cold, and a small shiver snaked its way down the entirety of your spine as he chuckled a low, "Sorry, pet."

Sweet kisses made their way from your neck to your jaw, until Astarion gently nipped at your earlobe, his free hand slowly roamed up and down your body, squeezing and grabbing at your stomach playfully.

You moaned gently, running your fingers through his silver locks. Astarion's breath hitched in his throat and he slid his hand down to your thigh. His arousal poked into your ass and you rocked in his lap gently; teasingly. His hand became more desperate as he grabbed at your thigh, thrusting his hips gently. You turned your head and ghost your lips over his, meeting his gaze.

His tongue clicked against his teeth as he stared at you. You twisted his hair round your index finger and smile up at him wantonly. The two of you hadn't been intimate since his confession a few weeks ago. You have let him feed on you since then, but never initiate anything sexual. You wanted him to do it. Wanted for it to be organic. He was the best thing that had happened to you in a long time, and you wanted him to know it; to feel it; to be unable to deny your love for him.

Astarion kissed your forehead tenderly, his sweet mouth cool to the touch against your heated skin. He had been surprisingly gentle with you since his confession. Weary, you knew. He had to fight against his instincts every day, doing what he could to unlearn his past behaviors of doing someone else's bidding. It was going to take time, you knew that. You were okay with it. But when he looked at you like this, when he kissed you softly, it made your heart melt completely. You loved him. You'd never say it first, of course, but the feeling was undeniable to you now. Gods, he was going to fucking ruin you.

His mouth captured yours in a searing kiss. His tongue parted your lips and hungrily dominated the kiss as Astarion flipped you over, pushing you down onto his bedroll. His hands were everywhere - in your hair, on your stomach, rolling down your sides. Yours did the same, needily pawing at his body as you wrapped a leg around his waist and gently clawed at his shirt trying to get it off.

He broke away, his tongue sliding from your mouth slowly. His breathing was ragged, not as controlled as it had been in the past. You realized he's letting go, not forcing himself with you. He's being... real. It's so sweet you nearly ruined the moment by blurting out a stupid confessional right then, but as if sensing your anxiety, Astarion simply smirked devilishly.

"You look beautiful," he whispered. "And you smell even better. I'm going to enjoy tasting you tonight." His voice was sultry and hypnotic, practically intoxicating. You squirmed under him nervously as he adjusted to his knees and leaned over to unhook the latch of the tent, leaving you both immersed in nothing but the flickering candle light.

He was back over you in an instant, untucking his shirt from his trousers and over his head, tossing it to the corner of the tent. His body never ceases to amaze you. His skin is made of pure moonlight, pale and annoyingly perfect, with abs that would put even the most acclaimed gods to shame. Astarion winked and pushed his knee to your inner thigh, spreading you open like a tome as his hands glided across your body.

Your heart thundered within your chest as he stripped you of your undershirt, delicately removing the straps like a present. The sting of the cold night air hit your exposed nipples and they puckered from the temperature change. Astarion's practiced hands moved up the length of your arms, guiding them up above your head and he captured your wrists together in his grip, trapping you under him.

He kissed his way down your temple, your cheek, your neck; gently licking his way down your exposed flesh until his tongue rolled around your areola teasingly.

You glanced down and met his burgundy gaze. His pupils were completely blown out with lust and he continued watching you as he sucked your nipple into his mouth, allowing his tongue to swipe over it gingerly. With a loud gasp you closed your eyes, letting the sensation of his tongue completely overwhelm you. His hand dragged its way from your wrists and his thumb and index finger grip your other nipple as he suckles hard, causing your hips to buck and another garbled moan to fall from your traitorous throat.

A wet 'pop' echoed through the tent as his mouth released you. Astarion growled, actually growled, as he slid his hands up your arms again and gripped your wrists, harder this time.

"Hush now, my sweet," his words were sugary but his tone commanding. "I don't want you waking the whole campground. If you do it again, I'll have to force you to be quiet. Understood?"

You nodded in response.

"Sorry, Starry," you whispered. 

He had started making work of dragging your trousers down the length of your legs but stopped abruptly at your apology.

"Don't be sorry, love," he said. "Just don't do it again."

You were way past the point of being turned on - you were practically going mad with arousal as he removed your pants and slowly kissed his way down the length of your stomach. You kept your hands placed above your head, nervous about what he may do if you dared to touch him. It was exhilarating. Filthy. The blood at your core was dripping to the rag placed between your thighs and your pulse quickened as Astarion's mouth worked its way towards your cunt.

Lust-stricken and dizzy, your vision blurred as he gently pulled down your panties with his index fingers, testing you. He was working slowly, playing with his food. Such a tease.

You squirmed beneath him and clenched the muscles in your thighs, eagerly anticipating his mouth against your sopping pussy. A chill ran down your spine as your panties were fully removed, and you suddenly became all too aware of what was about to happen. You peered at the silver-haired man above you through your eyelashes and were pleased to find him entranced by what you were sure was a bloodied, messy affair and your panic decreased ever so slightly. Of course a vampire spawn wasn’t going to shy away from some blood… no matter the source. 

"You know," you did your best to keep your voice calm and gentle. "That we don't have to do this if it's too much, right?" Even though Astarion was the one to propose this little midnight rendezvous, you couldn't help the small sting of fear from creeping its way to the forefront of your mind. You didn't want him to feel any pressure. And you now knew how hard intimacy was for him. You couldn't believe how blind you had been before; how obvious the façade he put on for you was in hindsight, and you weren't going to allow him to put himself in a position like that again. Not ever.

A low chuckle rumbled from the man below you and you almost passed out from how good his breath felt against the thin veil of fabric covering his mouth from where you needed him most. You tried to shut the thoughts of your arousal out as you waited for his answer, but it never came. Instead, he responded with his tongue gently sliding filthily down the blood-stained cloth that was slowly being removed by his deft hand. Astarion’s voice was nearly indistinguishable to you as he ripped the cloth away, pure gravel.

“If I didn’t want to,” he murmured, placing a kiss on your entrance. “Then you wouldn’t be naked in my tent, love. No more talking now.”

His tongue zig-zagged its way through your pussy before you had a full chance to take in his response, and a loutish moan escaped from deep within your throat as the air was filled with a symphony of lewd slurps. His breath was icy from how aching and seething your cunt was for him, and chill after chill overcame your body with each swipe of his practiced tongue. 

He moved your legs to his shoulders as he continued lapping at you like a dehydrated mutt, completely feral for you. Your thighs clamped against his head and you dug your nails into the pillow, clinging desperately onto something to give your soul purchase to the Earth lest it be transported to the fifth dimension. His arms looped under your thighs and he sunk his nails deep into your flesh, marking you as his while he continued licking you desperately. His mouth was rolling over your folds and sucking at you raunchily - every single move he made was audibly wet and absolutely filthy. It was amazing. You were afraid he might lose control, and you almost yanked at his hair to rip him off you, but his tongue slowed then and rolled up the length of your cunt before circling your clit. 

You whined greedily as you rocked your hips, trying to maneuver his tongue to your engorged nub without permission. Astarion immediately withdrew his tongue then, licking his way down to your inner-thigh and kissing your slick skin before piercing you with his sharp fangs. A frosty sensation shot through your bloodstream and you gasped loudly, tangling your fingers into his hair just as the frigid pulses from where his fangs sunk into you melted to an almost unbearable fever. 

Astarion’s nails were embedded into the soft skin of your hips as he drank from you. Your heart banged against your chest like a prisoner trying to escape from their cell and you were certain it was loud enough that it could be heard by the entire camp. Just as your grip started to loose on his hair, his fangs were replaced by his tongue swiping at the small punctures on your thigh. 

“Such a lovely little treat you are,” Astarion hummed, punctuating it with a final kiss to your thigh. “Thank you.”

Thank you. It was so sincere. So intimate. Two words, yet they held such power over your heart. His mouth was against yours again and your core was burning for him. You were needy. Desperate. Your hips thrust up towards him and he pulled away with a hum. 

“Greedy little thing tonight, I see,” he teased. He smirked down at you and kissed your cheek before moving his mouth once again to hover over your entrance. Two nimble fingers pushed into your core as Astarion’s tongue glided swiftly over your clit. An unfamiliar sound erupted from your chest, a high pitched whine, before his free hand was clamped over your mouth. 

“Shut up.” He commanded, and you were done for. Your hands tugged at his hair hysterically as his tongue circled your clit with a brutal slowness. There was no decency left in you. You were nothing but a husk, awaiting Astarion’s mercy of allowing you the pleasure of coming all over his sweet tongue.

Your teeth sank into the skin of his hand while he fucked you with his mouth. He was loud; slurping and sucking at your pussy like he needed it to survive. The air in the tent was unbearably hot. Your skin was sticky with sweat and your lungs hardly had any oxygen left. Astarion pulled back slightly, his fingers pushing in and out of your entrance with lewd squelching sounds as he demanded, “Look at me.”

Without hesitation, your eyes fluttered open and you watched as he dived his face into your cunt again, his gorgeous eyes locked onto yours. You tried to speak but he only clamped his hand harder over your mouth as he continued lapping at you, the flat of his tongue firmly planted against your clit. The familiar coil in your stomach tightened and then released harshly as you orgasmed, your entire body squirming in delight. Astarion moaned through your orgasm, the timbre of his voice sultry as he drank you in like the most lavish of wines.

“Fuck,” you groaned when Astarion released your mouth. He seductively pulled his fingers out of you and licked off the mess you made on them with a smile before he maneuvered himself to spoon you. 

“Wait,” you said, “I wanted to-”

“Hush, love,” he assured. “I promise I’m content with everything. I want you to be comfortable now. Will you stay with me tonight?”

He nibbled at the top of your ear as his arm wrapped around your middle and brought your body close to his. You hummed and nestled into him, allowing him to be your protective barrier. Being this close to him wasn’t enough. You needed more. You needed to be this close to him forever. He was security. He was warmth. He was home.

You nodded as you felt yourself start to succumb to the unbearable drowsiness from the day, but you clung to his hand in yours as his finger painted pretty pictures on the skin of your stomach. 

“Goodnight, love,” he whispered. “And thank you.”

“For what?” You mumbled, doing your best to fight against the fade of sleep.

There was a brief moment of silence as you listened to the sound of your heartbeat steady itself. Thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump. Astarion nestled his face closer, placing a chaste kiss to your cheek and right as you started to drift away, he said the most beautiful thing you’d ever heard.

“For being mine.”

Thank you for reading! If you made it this far, be sure to drop a like or a reblog to support my work <3. I have tons of other stuff on my page if you want to give it a read. This was my first Astarion piece, but I'm sure they'll be plenty more to come because this man singlehandedly got me out of my writing slump!

[coulsonlives]

PSA: CAT MEDICAL BILL SCAM

Please signal boost this if possible to inform your followers about these scams.

Earlier today, I got a message from the account nicole-loves-king, where they asked me to signal boost a post because their cat needed medical help. Here's the ask:

(And you can see the post in question here)

I looked at this post and was immediately put off because they were asking for people to send things through 'friends and family', which if you aren't aware, is a very insecure way to send someone funds using paypal, because you don't have the protections you would get if you used 'goods and services'. So scammers can make off w your money really easily.

I looked at their blog and scrolled down to the end, and I realized their blog was made today! And, all their posts (there weren't many posts to begin with lol) were of trending topics. I noted puss in boots, and welcome to nightvale among others. This is probably how they found me, because I reblogged some of that stuff recently.

Here's the time stamp from their oldest post (notice it says the time, not the date, which means the post was from today):

In their ask, they also tell you to answer privately. Hm, that seems sus. Why would someone not want you to publish a request for help?

So I have a policy where I don't signal boost posts from brand new blogs because, yknow, they could be scams. I posted this, and the scam account blocked me. They also blocked my friend when they replied to their ask and said their blog looked suspicious. I did some more digging, and I found a comment from someone that confirmed my suspicions:

This is in fact a scam!

@nicstonka is almost identical to the above account (nicole-loves-king). Look at the avatar, the pictures, and the paypal address, both accounts even have 'nic' (as in 'nicole') in the name. The only thing that is extremely different is the name of the cat! Yet both blogs also have the name of the cat in their url ('king' and 'tonka'). That should also be a red flag, because usually someone isn't gonna have the name of their pet in their url, only a few posts, and a signal boost for that exact (fake) pet.

Here's a side by side:

Looks at those paypal accounts: nbrunelle519, and nbrunelle391. Nope definitely not a scam /s

And the cat pictures side by side:

Tumblr's "scam" tag is actually full of these reports now, which you can see here. Or if there's nothing there anymore, click here and here for images.

And links to some older PSAs about other cat scams: 1 2 3

So if you see any blogs like this, where all they have is trending posts, it seems like they've copied and pasted an ask to you, or if they're asking you to send things via friends and family, vet them so so so carefully, because chances are you're walking into a scam. Don't just repost things without carefully checking! If you aren't in a position to check carefully, better safe than sorry: don't repost it! Don't let these scams spread.

Pro tip: If a blog is dash only, so you can't view their archive to see when their first post was made, and you're on desktop, you can just open the blog in its dashboard view, then click 'end' on your keyboard over and over until all their posts are loaded. Usually if it's a spam blog, you'll only need to click 'end' 5-6 times, sometimes a bit more, since they only post just enough times to give the appearance they're active, then there's absolutely nothing after that.

If you want more proof someone is a scammer, you can look at the currency they use their post (or the currency shown in the vet bill), then hover over the paypal link and inspect the part of the url that says 'country.x=AA'. The 'AA' is the abbreviation for the country your money is going to! If that country doesn't match the country of the currency shown in the post, it's a scam! Example: someone's post says '$' for USD/CAD dollars, but the country in their paypal link is 'PH', which stands for Philippines, where they use Philippine pesos, not dollars!

Also keep in mind that these are not bots! There is a real person behind these accounts. They have replied to people who wanted to confirm they were real, but their intentions are still to scam you, they just know it looks better if they reply.

Stay safe!!

Edit:

Updating this post to announce the scammer's made more blogs, and they're probably gonna keep doing it! Here's the list so far. This isn't up to date btw, go to @scamarchive and check their pinned post for the most recent detected blogs

turncoatrune, starlightdisc, xxmy, wxnt, eeyore-pg, coatedpeanbean, starrypanelstars, panelstars, scyllostyle, the-nonbinary-witch, aash-aash, leechness, ash-aahs, commandobutch, lovely-pages, pagefive-to-six, reconnecteed, five-and-fourty, stepsapphic, farmer-butch0, health-pages, turnersapphic, lxve, march-pls-be-good, emberful, imse7en, kassidymaygemz, kassidymaydream, dreamingkassidy, kasdream, live-march, confusedskulll, march-lives, criticaltuesday, quicksilvah, wrldy, quicksilveey, the-stucked-pan, flurrbum, o345, nxce, thls, hokkairi, sykdykee, furrtasticbu, bumfurry, supsense, wickdart, the90sbest

Keep in mind you may not receive an ask like the above ones. You may get something simpler like this, instead:

Most of these are cats, but there's been dogs and even people too.

If you wanna get even more info on all these accounts, there's an archive of this scammer's pinned posts and asks here, so you can see at a glance how similar they all are. You can also see a comprehensive list of scammer red flags specifically for tumblr here!

And lastly, you can report the scams using 'report something else' > 'unlawful uses or content' > 'phishing'

[bisonaari]

Käärijä Summer Camp report

I don't really come here anymore and I don't think I'll be back anytime soon, but I still wanted to make a post about this! It's probably gonna be pretty long hahaha

Last time I travelled with my husband, but this time with the amount of things to do and people to meet, he preferred staying at home and took care of our little balcony garden <3 Thanks to him we now have a full ass jungle on our balcony lol

My flights were really uneventful. My first flight to europe was so empty that I had a full row to myself so I could have some good sleep time (albeit a bit uncomfy lol, plane seats are so hard), but that was it.

When I got to Helsinki, I was welcomed by a bunch of GOOFS omg

@mitamicah @j-restlessgeek @teal-skull @katinkulta @clovermoonspell and her friend from Norway were all there, Micah and Susanna arriving a bit earlier than me. We all went to the place I was going to share with Missy, Susanna and @kaarijalist for the next two days.

Those people. Are the best. I fucking love them so much you have no idea. Everyone I'll tag in this post is an absolute cutie that I love but I'LL SAY IT EVERYTIME Skull gave me my birthday present in advance and I just BWAAAAAHH that was so sweet ;A; It was a Jukka autograph that they got for me back in Böle (now framed in my living room ehehehe) and a custom bracelet for me, inspired by my kääryle tattoo ;A; I loved it so ridiculously much it was ADORABLE

I learnt later that day that I wouldn't be able to meet @likearainbowinthedark until much later in my trip and it was a bit sad, I really missed them ;A; Friendship at first sight during february, and now I have to wait MORE to see their face again??? UNFAIR!! And also I had made little crochet frogs for them and their wife ohoho I couldn't wait to give them to their new owners <3

We also met with @formulalakana and @carpblu at a cafe during the afternoon! I was a bit burnt out by the whole you know… flying 12 hours thingie, so I ended up going back to our place but it was still lovely meeting with them they are amazing people!!

The day after that was the actual Summer Camp meet up day!! We all met at the mural together with many people already tagged here, but also @jaarijani @smimon @icbimakb and @tuherrus !! I can't believe that we just started to talk on tumblr and we were all there???? In person??? In front of that stupid Käärijä mural, exchanging bracelets and laughing together? That was just amazing

After a group picture, it was raining too much to have a proper picnic, so we went to the Tikkurila library to actually have some time to hangout and share snacks and gifts from our countries, and draw on each other's clothes and notebooks hahaha. A really, really lovely time with everyone, I'm so happy it went so well. On one side of the room was the Summer Camp flag that Skull had made, and to me it was perfect.

I also was sitting next to icbimakb and I had some time to nerd out to them because they're my fav artist of all time and they let me look at their sketchbook and it was an honor and I don't think that my eyes will ever recover from looking at so much beautiful art. @shirtlessradfahrer arrived at about that time as well.

A bit later we were joined by @follivora @wednesdayday @king-krisu and @khihi !! They didn't stay long but it was fun to finally meet after seeing them on tumblr for such a long time !! Some of us went to queuing, the rest of us stayed to clean up and we went to the venue a bit later <3

The Backas gig was one of the greatest moments of my life. Seriously. Everything went SO WELL??? Missy, Susanna and I headed out to the vip area for the pre show meal, and the food was amazing seriously. I wish I could have eaten about 3000 more of those fucking potatoes they were INCREDIBLE. We were looking at people running for barricade with tenderness hahaha, like "Look at our children <3 So much energy". Then suddenly, Missy spotted him. The Häärijä. Chatting to people next to the merch booth. She had to stop eating immediately because she had gifts to give him, and there might not be any other occasion to do so. I also handed her the fanzines because I'm a bit too shy and I don't have anything to say to Häärijä hahaha.

Part of my Backas report in a previous post ! I'll just focus on the untold parts here

At the venue it was time to meet @hyviihommi and @omppupiiras and also @blatantlyhidden and @because-its-eurovision !!! And wait also @tmrwds and @taidotonheiluja and some more people that I don't know the url of but I know are fellow tumblr users!!

I can't say how much I loved this gig. Hugo was really great, he looks so much like jere when he was younger hahaha. Käärijä was in SUCH a great mood, he was smiling so much and having the time of his life being on stage that day I don't think I'll ever recover. It felt so good being there and having an artist in front of us who was having a blast. I was dancing with Skull and Missy (my immediate neighbours hahaha), looking at Micah and Carpblu having a blast in front of us, enjoying the music that I had been listening for more than a year now with other people who also loved the same music. It was such an experience I will never forget this. We also got Paidaton riehuja!! I did remove my shirt hahaha. If I wasn't wearing a mesh shirt and a bra I would have gone full tits out hahaha, but it was too much of a hassle. But it was SO FUN being able to take part in this!!!

I don't usually listen to It's Crazy It's Party, but live?? It's seriously top 10 of the greatest moments of my life. Seeing everyone around me going fucking insane was incredible and I wish I could go back to those moments.

After the show, we stayed around a bit to chat more. We took another group picture, who is absolutely perfect and I will cherish forever.

Our little group went back to our appartment by taxi and we missed the occasion to say taksit on jo pihalla I'm very disappointed smh

We were already losing our minds because of how well the meetup and the gig went and everyone getting to see their blorbos and have pictures and chats with them, when Missy looked at her phone and SCREAMED because Häärijä had made a story with the fanzine holy shit. You don't know how fucking proud I was. I think I looked at it for 5 hours straight hahaha. He doesn't know how a video that probably took him 5 minutes to film and post made every artist's day it was INCREDIBLE.

(this is a terrible selfie but whatever HAHAHA)

On thursday, it was matching tattoos time!! I am now the proud owner of a pineapple tattoo, matching with Missy, Jay, Cass and Micah. I am ridiculously happy to have it. I feel like we really are a weird family and I found my people. I love it so, so much.

Got to meet with @pianist-chan that day as well!! We all had a lovely picnic together as a group in a park, then one song at a karaoke bar! Micah and I didn't vibe with the bar so after a huge peak of anxiety we all decided to leave hahaha. It was lovely hanging out with everyone anyway so whatever hahaha.

Friday was the Allas gig!! I met up with the gang in the morning to go eat breakfast together, and we ended up getting @hika-chachachan at the same time after we both discovered that we're not the only french fan here HAHAHA. Sorry for everyone with us, we spoke in french most of the meal time because it was fun not having to speak in english for a short time hahaha. Later that day, we took a picture making the JUL sign, the only correct pose for cringe french people uWu

Then I went back to my hostel for a nice nap, got some food with Kat and then finally joined the queue one hour before doors. (I got to see @izpira-se-zlato and @n3ongold3n there! And also I could hug Bec again 💚) We got a pretty nice spot so I'm not disappointed! Although this time Jukka didn't notice me but it's fine I can't win everytime hahaha. The gig was also a lot of fun, nothing much to say here! I didn't realize at that time that it was my last time of this trip seeing Elsa, and I only fully realized it after she left :' ( I would have hugged you a lot harder hahaha

Saturday, Benjamin Peltonen and Erika Vikman gig with the kcord gang!! Before that I went to eat lunch with Cass!! It was sad saying bye, but I really had a fun time with them ;A; <3

I was super late for the gig and arrived after doors because that one guy in my hostel didn't realize that THERE IS ONLY ONE TUMBLE DRYER FOR THE ENTIRE HOSTEL DON'T LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AFTER THEY'RE DONE. URGH. He told me he just went to take a shower because it was taking too long WATCH YOUR GODDAMN CLOTHES MY DUDE I was so annoyed hahaha

Another session of meeting up with new people! This time I got to chat with @labda-kesho @beesgobzzzing and @dragon0blood and some more people I don't know the url of!! Anyway we had a great time! Benjamin looks like an angel, and Erika is…… you know how Erika is I don't need to tell yall HAHAHA. Everything would have been perfect without the extremely drunk girls around us spilling their drinks everywhere and literally falling on people. They had to be escorted out during Erika's part because they were way too annoying for everyone.

On sunday I FINALLY MET WITH EKO YIPPIE IT WAS TIME. I went to visit them in Espoo and ended up staying chatting with them for like 5 hours big oops hahaha we get along so well it felt like 10 minutes ;A; It was also my first time taking the bus by myself in Finland like a big girl!!! For the tram Elsa helped me so I could take it alone after she showed me how to, but the bus to another city?? That was a first one my mother is very proud

Monday, I went to Suomenlinna! When I lived in France 20 years ago, I lived right next to the ocean in a coastal city. Then we moved inland in Canada and you don't know how much I miss the ocean every single day. It's the #1 thing I miss about living in France, so I HAD to go to Suomenlinna. First of all, being on a boat again was so great, I really had missed that. It reminded me of the ferries I used to go on to travelfrom my dad's place to my grandma's place. Great times hahaha. Then I just wandered around for three hours, minding my own business and avoiding people hahaha. I sat next to the sea listening to the waves for hours. And it was the BEST. I think it cured me of 28 mental illnesses I didn't know I had.

On tuesday, I met with Eko once again but in Helsinki this time! We went to get tea together and chatted for another couple of hours HAHAHA. Teemaa in Helsinki is a lovely tea shop and you should definitely go!! I also went to the Skywheel on my way back I just HAD to yknow, Käärijä tourism

After I got back to the hostel, it was packing time to leave Helsinki for other horizons.

PART 2: OUTSIDE OF THE CIRCLE

My next stop was Oulu! So I headed out to the train station on wednesday morning to go on a 6 hours journey hahaha. At least it was a direct train, and the guy next to me was only here from Tampere to Seinäjoki, so I still had quite a lot of space for myself.

Once in Oulu, I was staying with @theplantbish and her partner. I cannot say how much I love her. There are not enough words to express this. The other people I immediately fell in love with I had already met them prior, so no surprises here! (Yall know who you are hahaha) But it was our first time meeting and it was like we already knew each other from 25 years ago. We went from total strangers to great friends in about 5 seconds, and then it took two days to have heartfelt late night conversations crying in each other's arms lol. Anyway this whole paragraph is a love letter to Plant you are amazing and I love you. I can't believe that in two weeks we got to talking on a daily basis hahaha.

Anyway, we also met with @gaysontoast because we went to pick them at the airport and WOW what a tornado of bubbliness <3 They were absolutely wonderful to have as a roommate!! (and they sleep like the dead hahaha)

In the afternoon it was my first time meeting with @submariini and @ravensofskyhold as well! I'm scared that I will run out of available tag spaces like you can only tag 50 people per post lemme count a sec ok we're at 33 still good (but absolutely ridiculous that I got to meet 33 people from tumblr in the same week??? what happened to not meeting strangers from the internet lol) but anyway all lovely people!!

The day after, it was finally time for Suomipop!! In the morning we went to pick @punanenmarli from the train station! Plant and her got back to Plant's place walking hand in hand and it was the fucking cutest shit I had ever seen ;A;

We then met at suomipop for Bess! HOLY SHIT IS THAT WOMAN GORGEOUS??? HOW DARE SHE??? WHEN SHE EMPTIED THE WATER BOTTLE ON HER HEAD I JUST

anyway I was completely normal about this show. Hm. So normal. Even during the french part in Lähtee käsistä. So. Normal.

The others wanted to go see Kuumaa during the evening and I would have loved to as well, but it was raining, I was drenched and cold and miserable and instead just headed back to Plant's place where I was soooo normal about Bess.

On friday, it was my birthday, yippie!!! The clowns from kcord (NOT PEJORATIVE IT'S THEIR NAME OK) got me a card that they all signed and I loved it so much a a a a a a ;A;

We wanted front row for the Käärijä gig later in the evening, so we were there at doors and immediately went front row, which meant that we also got to listen to Viivi and Yö ! Tbh, I really liked Yö, I understand why they're a legendary band hahaha.

However, between the two shows, Plant came back to our group and told me that Jukka. Sorsa. Was. Hanging out. In the VIP section. Which we didn't have access to lol. So we ended up just watching him from afar, when I noticed that he and his friends were leaving the VIP section and crossing the festival area. I told it to Plant who asked me if I wanted to go see him but I was like naaaah I'm shy. So she asked if I wanted her to come with me and I immediately said yes HAHAHA. We went over his little group and when we arrived at about 10 feet from him we waved, and he immediately came to us to have a chat WHAT A MAN I LOVE HIM. I was so fucking awkward (leading to this great interaction… me: "I just wanted to say hi!" Jukka: "well… hi" AAAAAAA IT WAS SO AWKWARD LOL). He noticed the earrings I made out of the guitar plecs he gave me and reached for them sir excuse me do you want me dead hahaha. I didn't say much after that but we still got a picture together that Plant took for me ILYSM

I met with Kat, Lou and their friend just before the Käärijä show and it was amazing as usual. This man knows how to perform hahaha. WE ALSO HAD THIS WEIRD MID-SPEECH SHIT TALK??? JERE WH A T???

After Käärijä, we headed up towards the other stage to Kaija Koo. I was on my phone for I don't remember what, and Plant poked me to tell me "are you on your phone? how often in your life are you gonna see Kaija Koo live??" and she was so fucking right omg. I put my phone back in my pocket and it was absolutely great, got to hold hands with Plant while dancing, seriously amazing. One of my best birthdays ever if not THE best.

We had a meal at Hesburger after everything hahaha (I LOVE EVERYONE IN THIS HESBURGER), and in the not quite night of Oulu, to me everything felt so, so right.

Saturday, I got to see Kat and Lou again for souvenir shopping! I GOT THE FUCKING BEST MAGNET IT SAYS PASKA MAGNEETTI AND I'M FUCKING CRYING NO ONE AT HOME WILL GET THE REFERENCE BUT I DO AND THAT'S WHAT MATTERS LOL

I said bye to Kat after that but it's so ridiculous we live in the same country LOL I should visit Toronto at some point

At Suomipop, we got to see first Portion Boys and they were so full of energy what a show!!! Nothing can stop them, not the heat, not the wheelchair, NOTHING.

Smitten, Omega and I got to dip our feet in the water at the suomipop beach and it was so needed the sun was HOT that day. The fact that we weren't allowed more than our feet in the water was a tragedy though smh

After that, it was time to my beloved ARTTU WISKARI, I got into his stuff just before flying for Finland so I was delighted he was going to be at Suomipop!! Ed came with me to see him what a gentleman lol (seriously tho I really, really appreciate it!!)

Last suomipop show for me was Elastinen! While watching him I could only think that this was the most shark looking man I had ever seen HAHAHA.

After Elastinen, the group went to see Apulanta, while I went back to Plant's appartment to pack my suitcase, sadly.

On sunday, it was time to take the train again. Plant took me to the train station and we ended up crying so much hahaha I was a mess in the train. But if it hurt so much, it's because it was equally fun, and I can't wait to see her again.

I was headed to Tampere, then Turku! Skull escorted me to my Airbnb they're so lovely ;A; We talked together for about 6 hours lol before I had to leave to do some laundry. While my clothes were in the washing machine, we explored the k-market to find some Pirkka merch but it was all gone, so I just got a lovely @windows95man shirt hahaha. COME BACK TO TUMBLR TEEMU YOU BELONG WITH US

The day after I met with Skull again to buy some Posankka merch! Posankka…… my beloved…… the most beautiful pigduck of Finland <3 I got a reflector, in true finnish fashion hahaha. We then headed up to Luostarinmäki, an open air museum on finnish craftsmanship from the past. It was ridiculously interesting and we spent 3 hours where we only got to half of the museum LOL, we're nerds. Too bad…… I'll have to come back to Turku……… so sad

In the evening we watched TRAFIK and some more Powerwolf music videos, what a great evening holy shit

Interestingly enough, on tuesday I met up with… Skull again lol, they joined me in the park in the afternoon, we stayed here for 2 hours until we left to go to a student bar to get a lovely hot chocolate <3 It was absolutely delicious!

Wednesday, last day in Finland. I met up with, you have guessed, Skull again lmao. We headed to Vantaa (because I had a plane to take r i p).

Skull and I then headed to Arttu Wiskari's Allas gig. We were quite lucky as the rain had just stopped (btw Kallo I still have the rain poncho I stole from you lol it's in Canada now sorry).

We had so, so much fun. The gig was just really fun and light hearted, everyone knew the lyrics, and it was the best ending for an amazing trip. Nothing like dancing with your friend on good music!!

I hugged Skull and cried in the train. Familiar scene, lol. Me sobbing in trains in Finland. I love you so much Kallo.

There are no words left in my heart to express how loved I felt during these 17 days. I will be back. I promise. I can't bear to not go back when I left pieces of my soul with dear friends. Take care of them please, I'll be back to put some more of my soul in them. I love you. So very much. You made my life really bright for a short time, and knowing how good it can be to be alive I want to feel this again.

To all of you, who are my soulmates, my siblings, my loved ones, my beloved: thank you.

[lalal-99]

of the big city {h.j.} | track 2

©March 2023, February 2024 by lalal-99

Han Jisung x afab!reader | trope: slice of life, coming of age | word count: 6.9k

Synopsis: The one where uni starts and you meet some interesting people.

Check Chapter Overview for complete list of warnings

Note: The next chapters are gonna be much shorter, I promise. The overwork is going smoothly so far, I have the next chapter ready and will probably post beginning of next week. I also wrote two whole new chapters this week which I'm very proud of. I really hope I can finish this story this time around :)

Tumblr works on a reblog system. Please consider reblogging this post so that it can reach more people. Thank you :)

Please don't flag as mature or repost this story - Thank You!

“Baby? Do you have some paper for me?”

With an annoyed eye roll you ripped a page from your new notebook, smoothing over the edges of the torn binder. You pushed the single page over towards him with reluctance.

“You forgot your notebook on the first day already?”

And to think notebooks and pens were the main reason you had gone to the store yesterday.

“Don’t blame me. You know I’m not a morning person. And you didn’t want to wake me up with sex, so...” The smugness in his voice made you wonder if he actually thought he had won this discussion. You raised your eyebrows at him, hinting at the thinness the metaphorical ice on which he was walking.

You usually didn’t get annoyed that easy. If you had, your relationship sure as hell wouldn’t have lasted this long. The reason: Jisung and his lack of understanding social cues. To take the hint and not bother you any further when you were already frustrated, all it took was a look.

Although he wasn’t the reason for your irritation today. Or at least not the sole one.

It was the first day of university, so naturally, you were a little on edge. Whatever happened from this day on would decide over the paths your life took in the future. It was a step you had waited so long to take but dreaded all the same. Jisung, as your loving boyfriend, should have known how much this meant to you.

Sometimes, you speculated if he did it on purpose. Rile you up when you were anxious to give you something to put your focus on instead. His intentions might have been sweet, but this wasn’t taking any tension off your shoulders. Jisung forgetting his notebook and blaming you for it, even as a joke, could have likely been the last straw.

“Baby?” As you looked back at him, you noticed his cute pout. It was almost cute enough to make you forget what you had been so annoyed about a minute earlier. “Do you also have a spare pen? And some highlighters would be nice, too.”

Shaking your head at Jisung, you let out a snort. So he hadn’t forgotten just his notebook, but his pen and highlighter too? Got it. Very unwillingly, you handed him the items. You thankfully always had a spear set in case of emergency. Or, in this case, your boyfriend’s scatterbrain you had been dealing with for many years already.

“You have got to be kidding me.” He blew you a playful kiss, thanking you for your service. “Don’t let this become a habit. I’m not piggybacking you through university as I did in High School. Understood?”

As much as you loved him, Jisung had his fair share of annoyances. Like his living-in-the-moment type of attitude. A contrast to your thoroughly organised persona, you usually appreciated your differences. Without his Yin, your Yang wouldn’t shine as bright and vice versa.

That still didn’t change that you wouldn’t be his personal secretary this time around.

Jisung was old enough to care for himself and not rely on his girlfriend for every one of his needs. Whether it was some paper and pens, your skillfully crafted cue cards, or an all-nighter before one of his final exams. How ever you had talked him into studying for that one anyways.

“I love you, too.”

If he only weren’t so damn cute.

Out of pure principle you ignored his comment with an unintentional snicker. You continued your draft outline on your first notebook page—your attempt of getting a head start on future lecture notes—thus almost missing the voice chatting up Jisung.

“I’m taking you won’t be sleeping in the dorm a lot, will you?”

The depth of the second voice made you look up from your notebook. As the light shone into the room from behind the boy, it almost blinded you. Once your eyes got used to the brightness, you could finally make out a lean figure. He set a reusable coffee cup on the desk next to Jisung before sliding onto the wooden chair.

The boy was clad in comfortable attire, loose hanging jeans paired with a simple t-shirt. His long, blonde hair messily framed his face, a green beanie rounding off his skater-boy look. Something told you he had more to himself than what his cover showed. The several silver rings on his fingers could have been the reason for your suspicion. Or it was how he carried himself—a perfect line leading from his soles to the tip of his head. In exact contradiction to your boyfriend’s slouching posture.

“Morning to you too, sunshine.” The smirk in Jisung’s tone indicated his playfulness and a sense of closeness. “Why do you care? You’re not in love with me, are you?”

“No,” the boy scoffed, his bag placed neatly under the table. “I just wondered if I can stop waiting up for you or if I will have to identify your corpse at some point.”

Looking past Jisung, the boy noticed your presence, sending you a heart-warming smile. The freckles all over his nose and cheeks juxtaposed the darkness of his voice and over-all looks. Something about his aura relaxed you, his company drenching his atmosphere in happiness.

“Hi, I’m Felix!”

“I’m Y/N. I’m Jisung’s-”

“Girlfriend. Yeah, I know. He talks about you a lot.”

Jisung leaned in closer to you, though he kept his voice at the same volume, “Be careful, baby. He’s very much in love with me already. I might leave you for him.”

“You can have him.” You leaned past your boyfriend, directly addressing Felix. “But make sure to always have a spare pen and paper. And also a spare pair of pants.” The scene from earlier this morning came back to mind, a teasing look creeping onto your face. “He might say he can care for himself, but he will wear your leggings and pink baby-girl crop top when there’s no alternative.”

“Good to know,” Felix replied with a deep chuckle, amused by the picture you had painted. He ran his hands through his blonde hair, showing off his ears and all the piercings. Okay, so, definitely not a skater-boy-type.

“You might be joking now.” Jisung threw a know-all look in your direction. “But you won’t be laughing when I wear your fishnets to your grandpa’s next birthday.”

“Don’t you dare put on my fishnets! They were expensive.”

“That’s alright. We’re about the same size, so he can wear mine.” Felix’s words came unexpected and not even Jisung couldn’t conceal his amusement.

“Great, there’s two of you now. Is it too late to drop out?”

In all the years you had known him, Jisung rarely ever made friends this easy. Not even a week on campus, and he had gotten close enough to Felix to joke in his usual manner. How they had even gotten this close when Jisung had spent most of the day at your place was a mystery to you. Still, the little time they had spent together was enough to have discovered a mutual hobby—catching Pokémon. As they argued over who had found the rarest creature, you picked up your previous task. Though that didn’t stop your joy in finding that Jisung had made a friend. And a nice one at that.

You felt guilty for even thinking it, but Jisung had never been particularly good at making friends. Not before meeting you and not afterwards either.

Most of all, you blamed the lack of a ‘do not say’-filter in his conversational skills. His openness posed an obstacle to making new acquaintances—or at least it had many times before. After years of getting side-eyed or complained about, he had stopped talking to new people all together. Like he already expected the sole attempt to make connection to backfire. The few relationships he had formed despite his shyness had been pure luck. And your very own relationship only existed due to your perseverance.

That Jisung had already befriended Felix, at least as much as possible in three days, put you in a bright mood. One of your biggest fears about moving was your boyfriend rooming with someone he didn’t get along with. With someone as talkative and easily compatible as Felix, Jisung would likely not be clinging to you as much. Which wouldn’t have been the worst scenario, but still.

With every passing minute the lecture hall filled more. When something sharp scratched your shin, your head finally snapped towards one of the new-comers. A blonde girl had sat down next to you, and you found the culprit when you noticed her pink heels.

“Oh my God. Did I hit you? I’m so sorry.” Her hand came to her mouth in shock as she apologised a couple of times. You rubbed over the sensitive skin which was already bruising from when you had hit that crate of boxes yesterday. Talk about unfortunate accidents. You pushed the urge to groan at the pain down, forcing a smile onto your face instead. “It’s those dang heels. I knew I should have worn the sneakers today.”

“It’s fine. Surprised me, that’s all.” Embarrassment reached over her cheeks to her ears, a frown painting her face. “No worries.”

For a few seconds she hesitated but finally accepted your willingness to let it go. Out of the corner of your eye, you followed her as she unloaded the contents of her purse. She pulled out a torn notepad and a vintage-leather pencil case, which must have seen better days. She reached back into her designer bag, face distraught as her search came up empty.

She tried grabbing the attention of two boys on her right side, tied deep into their conversation. When she eventually realised she had no other option, her gaze tiptoed towards you. “Sorry to bother you again.” Teeth nibbling at her lip, she forced herself to get over her embarrassing mistake seconds earlier. “Do you have a pen I can borrow?”

Even if your shin had hurt worse, you would have still helped her out. With a genuine smile, you nodded, searching your pencil case and then your bag.

“I wanted to grab one before leaving my room, but I noticed a stain on my shirt and needed to change it. So, I forgot about the pen,” the girl recounted her morning ventures. “I’m so sorry for bothering you.”

“You’re not bothering me,” you assured her. Your smile turned to an apologetic scowl once you realised you couldn’t help her out after all. “I’m sorry. I always carry at least one extra pen, but scatterbrain next to me left his head in bed this morning.”

“You talking ‘bout me?”

Jisung, who you hadn’t expected to react to the mention of his unflattering nickname, turned to you.

“Hey, Felix,” you called the boy two seats from yours, ignoring your boyfriend. “Do you happen to have a spare pen?”

“Sure. I always carry an extra one in case.”

“Interesting. So, some people do use their heads before leaving the house.” It was a reproachful remark addressed to Jisung and his forgetfulness, and he caught the meaning.

“Some people do use their heads before leaving the house,” he scrunched his nose, teasing you by mimicking your voice and repeating your previous words as you snickered. Your perfect boyfriend, everyone.

Felix handed the pen from his jacket past you, the girl accepting it with a thankful smile.

“You’re a lifesaver.”

“I usually go by Felix. But lifesaver is good, too.”

The girl giggled, before introducing herself, “I’m Yuqi. I live in the student housing off campus. You know, the ones next to that coffee shop with the green doors. It’s open 24/7. Genius marketing move, right?” Biting her lip after that info dump, you noticed her nose doing a little scrunch. “Sorry. I talk a lot.”

“I haven’t noticed,” Jisung joked, your elbow gracing his rib at his sarcasm. You wondered if there would ever come a day you didn’t have to act as his personalised filter.

“Don’t listen to the idiot next to me,” you declared, “I find it charming.”

“Me, too,” Felix agreed, and Yuqi relaxed. It told you that she usually didn’t get that reaction when spraying words like a waterfall.

“I live in the same building.”

Excitement took over her features. “What? No way! Which room?”

“B4.”

Yuqi shrieked, her hand touching your arm, “I’m B12! That makes us floormates.”

“I guess it does.” Yuqi was the first person you met who lived in the same building that wasn’t your roommate or her girlfriend. “I’m Y/N. And this,” you thumbed back at your boyfriend, “this is Jisung.”

“Hi,” he greeted her with an awkward wave.

“Nice to meet you all.”

With that, Yuqi picked up her purse, pulling out an old folder. Well, it appeared to be rather new, but the edges were already torn, some of the plastic cover coming off the corners. The latter especially gave you an ick, and you forcefully pushed down the urge to smooth over them. You could handle some chaos, even if this was a lot.

Good thing, Yuqi spoke up again, giving something different to concentrate on.

“What’s your major?”

“I’m doing Business Admin.” Before you could return the question, Yuqi already reacted, hand touching your biceps in excitement.

“No freakin’ way! I’m in Marketing.” The delight in her voice was addictive as you couldn’t help a grin pulling on your lips. “See, I even wore the perfect outfit for our first lecture later today.”

Yuqi leaned back, giving you a better look at her clothing.

She was in a pair of white jeans, a rosé-coloured blouse adorning the upper half of her lean figure. A single, thin gold necklace decorated her neckline, fitting the two golden earrings. The one thing that stood out in that well-rounded outfit was her other earrings. About a dozen of them decorated both ears from the dainty top to the slim bottom. To round the fit off, she wore a pair of light-pink high heels. The very same that had already made acquaintance with your shin.

“Pretty, right?”

“Very girlboss,” you agreed in earnest. Your own clothes contrasted her colourful optics, made up of mostly black items.

“I’m so glad I’m not the only girl in the classes.” There was a hint of playful disgust in her statement, making you chuckle. “All the other people I met who are in Business were boys. Not that boys are bad or anything. I love boys. But they can be—a lot.”

“I get it. I lived with three boys back home. Well, technically, my dad is a man,” you air-quoted, “but where’s the difference, right?” Yuqi chuckled. “It’s nice to have a girl around every once in a while.”

Yuqi reached for her coffee cup as her gaze wandered to the grey haired middle-aged man who entered the room. He walked up to the desk at the end of the hall, his briefcase landing on the table with a loud thud.

With that, you straightened up, pen in hand and ready to take notes the second your prof opened his mouth.

05:23 PM: Hey, are you studying in the dorm tonight?—Y/N 05:25 PM: No. The place is all yours :)—Hwasa 05:25 PM: Is lover boy coming over again ;)—Hwasa 05:26 PM: He’s hanging out with his roommate tonight... Bonding. I’m thinking about inviting a friend over. I met her at orientation earlier this week—Y/N 05:27 PM: Sounds fun—Hwasa 05:27 PM: Anything special planned?—Hwasa 05:27 PM: Not yet. Maybe eat something and a movie? Explore the city?—Y/N 05:28 PM: You wanna explore this bar Joey’s? I’m meeting some friends there later. Happy Hour starts at 8—Hwasa 05:29 PM: You sure? I wouldn’t want to intrude—Y/N 05:29 PM: I told you I’d be taking you out one of these days—Hwasa 05:30 PM: Texting you the address right now!—Hwasa

Stepping through the dark wooden doors, a wall of warmth hit you like a thick blanket.

It had gotten colder the past few days, fall beginning to hit the city. You took off your scarf, looking around the place in search of the familiar, pretty face.

This place seemed to be the city’s hotspot, every table packed to full capacity. Red velveteen clad the round tables right by the entrance, the seating options becoming wider once you reached the back. Couches fanned out in random patterns all over the dark oak floor. The furniture’s vintage finish further accented the brown parquet.

You felt like you had stepped straight into a movie scene.

The wave of a dainty hand over the crowd’s heads caught your attention as you spotted your roommate in the back. You grabbed Yuqi by the hem of her sleeve, dragging her behind you as you made your way to the group of girls with a smile.

“Hello,” you greeted the table once you had gotten close enough for them to see you.

Hwasa hugged you in bliss, almost tipping over the drink in front of her, “Hi! I’m so glad you could make it.” As she noticed Yuqi, she pulled her in for another warm embrace, “Nice to meet you! I’m Hwasa.”

“Yuqi,” your friend replied, joy written on her face at the enthusiastic welcome.

Knowing Hwasa and her usual calm persona, you knew she must have already taken full advantage of Happy Hour.

“Nice to meet you.” You introduced yourself to the two unfamiliar faces, sending Wheein a quick nod as she met it with a smile.

The two girls with your roommate and her girlfriend couldn’t have been much older than them. The first had straight black hair reaching the bottom of her back, at least from what you could tell. The other sported a short grey bob. It highlighted her sharp jaw in what you could only describe as a tomboy-ish look. Like Wheein and Hwasa, they were beautiful and made you somewhat self-conscious. You shouldn’t have come here unprepared, or put on mascara, at least.

First to introduce herself was the black-haired girl, her smile almost blinding you. “Hi, I’m Solar.”

An extraordinary name for an extraordinary beautiful person. Fitting. In your mind, there was no doubt she made people of any gender fall in love with her the moment she stepped into a room. Her calm, almost carefree aura was truly something else.

“And I’m Byul.” She was just as pretty, though in a less traditional sense. A boyish charm surrounded her, though her blazer hinted at a seriousness to her person. She looked—important.

You introduced yourself and Yuqi, pulling out the two remaining chairs. They must have fought off several people to reserve these. “Are you students, too?”

“We used to be,” Solar explained as she emptied her tulip-coloured drink.

The girls seemed to have stocked up on various drinks; more glasses than people were at the table. If the drinks were half as good as they looked, you’d be in for a long night.

“We graduated last year,” the black-haired beauty continued, bumping shoulders with Hwasa. “I used to be Hwasa’s roommate, actually.”

“I didn’t even notice!” Hwasa giggled, thus proving your assumption about the amount of alcohol consumed before your arrival. “She’s my ex, and you’re my next.”

You chuckled in amusement, reaching for the menu at the edge of the table. The faux leather was soft beneath your fingertips as you skimmed over the Happy Hour options. When your eyes landed on your favourite drink, a smile spread on your lips as you handed the menu over to Yuqi.

“They have Long Island Ice Tea in three different flavours?” Yuqi exclaimed, the scenic buzz of this place rubbing off on her. Not that she wasn’t this emotional about almost anything. “Would it be very immature to try them all tonight?”

“Not at all. I am browsing through the new offers myself. We can get drunk together.”

Not a fair fight. Hwasa had already gotten a head start.

You called over the waiter by raising your hand, and he headed for your table not a minute later. He raised an unintentional eyebrow at the consumption level—One Mojito, three Long Island Ice Teas and another Piña Colada and Gin Tonic. Even so, the boy sent you a smile, spinning around and wandering back to the bar.

Once he was gone, Hwasa swiftly emptied her previous drink. All it took was one strong sip through her straw, and the Tonic and ice was gone. The coldness reached her brain soon after, prompting her eyes to grow wider—like those of a comic-book figure.

“Babe, you should slow down,” Wheein suggested with a chuckle. But her girlfriend waved her off.

“I’m fine. Also, I don’t have any courses tomorrow, so I have the whole day to sleep off that hangover I’ll be having.”

“Great. I’ll remind you when you’re hugging the toilet seat later.”

“I’ll be fine, I promise.”

“Mhm.” Wheein didn’t seem uber-convinced Hwasa would keep her promise but let it go anyways.

As the girls went back to their previous conversation, you tried your best to follow them.

You understood that Solar was passed over for a big promotion at her job and that she was convinced, her boss was sleeping with her opponent.

“What do you do for work?” Yuqi’s question took the words right out of your mouth.

“I am an assistant buyer at a small fashion label,” Solar explained, making you look at Hwasa in surprise.

“Don’t you also study fashion?” Taking a sip from her already empty glass, she nodded in silence. You frowned when you noticed her uncomfortable look at Wheein following your words. There must have been some form of backstory, and the last thing you wanted was to make things awkward. Instead you attempted correcting your mistake. “I’m sorry. Did I say something wrong?”

Passing a few glances around the table, Byul finally spoke up. “Our cutie Hwasa here used to study Chemistry full-time. She developed a small crush on Solar in her second year, so, she changed majors to spend more time with her.”

It took a moment to dawn on you why Wheein and Hwasa had reacted the way they did.

“Yes, but I hadn’t met my love then.” Hwasa bobbed her girlfriend’s nose, pouting to cheer her up. After a few seconds, Wheein couldn’t stop her frown from turning into a giggle. They were just the cutest.

“You’re a little drunk, aren’t you?”

“Drunk of love!”

“I stand corrected. You’re absolutely hammered.”

Playfully nudging her girlfriend, Wheein relaxed, emptying her own drink. Non-alcoholic, from what you had gathered.

“Anyways, since Solar is into boys only—”

“Men,” Solar interrupted her friend with a sigh. “I stopped dating boys a long time ago. They never know where to put things.”

“Sorry, since Solar is into men only,” Byul corrected, her eyes meeting yours again, “that didn’t work out. Now Hwasa is stuck with fashion. She met Wheein not too long after.”

“That’s right!”

The enthusiasm in her reaction made Hwasa finally tip over her glass. The melted ice cubes went all over the table, the cool liquid running down the sides. Some of it landed on your jeans, so while Hwasa apologised profusely, you called over the waiter a second time in five minutes.

A moment later, the young man rushed over with your drinks, handing you a towel to dry yourself. It didn’t go by you that his gaze focused on you for a few extra beats, but you ignored it. Your returned the now moist towel with kindness and he left with a light blush.

“Don’t tell me you didn’t notice that.” Solar’s caught your attention by the touch of her hand as she nodded towards the waiter.

“Notice what?”

“That the waiter was flirting with you,” she explained, looking around the table. “You noticed too, didn’t you?”

Byul agreed, “Sure did.”

“You’re not one of those girls who are, like, super slow on cues, right?” You chuckled at her question, shaking your head.

“No, I noticed, too.”

The confusion on the beauty’s face made you chuckle a little. “So what, then? He’s cute. Get his number.”

“Nah, I’m good.” You waived her off, taking a sip from your fresh drink. The rum burned down your throat, the lime juice and sugar adding a bittersweet taste to it. “Also, I don’t think my boyfriend would be particularly happy with me asking other men for their number.”

If everyone’s focus hadn’t been on you already, it sure was now.

“You have a boyfriend?”

“Very much so, yes.”

Solar seemed surprised by the information.

“Is it serious? I mean, you obviously shouldn’t cheat on him. But you are at university. If you don’t explore and get to know yourself now, when will you get another chance?”

You took another sip to ease the discomfort from being the center of attention. Not exactly where you usually were. “We’ve been together for five years. I’d say that’s pretty serious.” That did the trick, her mouth now agape in shock. She leaned in closer to you, cradling her chin in her palm.

“Five years? So, you’re High School Sweet Hearts?”

“Middle School, actually.”

“Is he any hot?” Yuqi interrupted, also leaning in further. How your relationship had become the talk of the whole table had gone right by you.

“What do you mean? You met him at orientation. He sat right next to me.”

“No way! That’s your boyfriend?” You hummed, agreeing. “But you called him dumbass like 5 times in one hour.”

“I did, but it’s more a term of endearment. I call Jisung dumbass; he calls me stupid. It’s a whole thing.”

As soon as you had cleared that up, Solar was back at it, hitting you with question after question.

“Wait, but like, for real. You’ve never been with anyone else since Middle School?”

You shook your head, correcting her statement. “I’ve never been with anyone else ever.”

Usually, you never talked about yourself and your relationship this much. You were rather private in that sense, though, you also understood their curiosity. It wasn’t every day that you met someone who had been with the same person since they were 14. You understood the length of your relationship was uncommon for someone your age.

“So, he’s your first boyfriend?”

“Yup.”

“So, you never kissed anyone else? Had sex with anyone else?” Byul further interrogated, now also fully invested in your love life. That you had only met the girls maybe 20 minutes ago seemed irrelevant. Not like you hadn’t seen that question coming sooner or later.

You agreed with a nod. “I never wanted anyone else.”

“How do you even maintain a relationship for that long?” Yuqi budded in again, her focus different from the older women’s. “My longest relationship lasted 4 months, and then I got tired of him.” For some reason, her statement made so much sense to you. Yuqi definitely needed constant excitement to fill her heart. “What’s your secret.”

You thought about it before answering shortly, “Shared trauma, maybe?” When no one laughed at your words, you backtracked. Your honesty might have been too much for them after all. “That was a joke. Obviously. We have a lot in common and went through similar stuff in life.”

It became quiet for a few seconds, though you sensed that Solar was holding back. Whatever she might have had dancing on the tip of her tongue, she took her sweet time wording it in her pretty head.

“Please, don’t take this the wrong way.” Always a great way to start a sentence. “If the shoe fits, tie that bitch up. But you’re in college now. This is your time to explore your interests—your options. No one comes out of college the way they go in. It’s a life-changing experience.”

“So, I should cheat on my boyfriend, is what you’re saying?” You started getting a little defensive now that your love life appeared to be under attack. All the attention got uncomfortable as much as you understood where it was coming from.

“That’s not what I was saying at all.” Some of the tension fell from your shoulders. “I’m saying people change. So, don’t be surprised if your boyfriend and you don’t work out.” Still not the direction you wanted this conversation to go. But Solar continued anyway. “Take Byul, for example.”

Solar leaned back, her hand coming to her friend’s shoulder.

“Byul started college, wanting to become a lawyer.” Byul nodded, agreeing. Her blazer somehow made more sense now. “She finished her degree and opened her own music production studio not two months later. And Hwasa—” With that, Solar went on to your roommate, who threw her a playful wink. “The first year of college, she cycled between so many partners, we were certain, she’d end up pregnant or with an STD. And look at her now.”

From how lovingly Hwasa was gazing at Wheein, there was no doubt in your mind that she had happily moved on from those days.

“And when Wheein started college,” Solar continued her list, “she was straight as a ruler. Do you see what I’m saying?”

“I do.”

And it was the truth. You understood that most people used college to find their path in life. The women around you were the best example for it. All four of them had found their place in the world, who they wanted to be, through university. You didn’t doubt that whatever had happened to them was necessary for them to grow into the women they were today.

At the same time, you knew your life better than anyone else at this table. You remembered every little thing you had gone through together, with Jisung. You understood how his mind worked. What he struggled with and how to get him through it emotionally—you had witnessed most of it with your own eyes.

And there was nothing one-sided about it either. There was no doubt in your mind that the same went for Jisung. He knew you like the palm of his hand—and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“I’m still very sure we are not gonna break up.”

“I hope you don’t.” Yuqi finally came to your rescue, cutting the tensive atmosphere. “He’s adorable.”

Thankfully, Solar accepted it as the end of story. She sat back as Yuqi diverted the conversation from you to Byul, asking her about her work at the studio. You calmed down as the centre of attention drew from you and towards the ins and outs of the music industry. When Hwasa playfully bumped her shoulder into yours, you looked up at her. A teasing wink showcased her support and affection. And probably her drunkenness.

“Sorry about her. Solar can be very straightforward, but she has a good soul. She’s a realist, and very openly so.”

“It’s alright,” you told her, taking your glass and a huge sip of your Mojito. “I know most relationships at our age don’t last. But we’re solid as a rock. It’d need a tsunami to separate us.”

You hoped the rest of the night would go a little less awkward than this. Though, as the alcohol ultimately entered your system, you soon forgot about the whole conversation.

“I’m gonna be sick.”

A second later Hwasa bent over the nearest bush.

“What happened?”

“She got sick,” you explained the situation as you used your hair tie to fixate Hwasa’s long locks behind her neck. “You good?”

Hwasa wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and nodded as she stumbled towards the housing entrance. Wheein supported her other side, the two of you exchanging concerned looks.

“Is she gonna be alright?”

“I think so. It usually takes a glass of water and an aspirin, and she’ll be back to her old self.” You didn’t doubt Wheein knew how her girlfriend usually handled alcohol. “I’m gonna take her to my room to make sure. It’s closer to the bathroom, and I don’t have a roommate she could disturb.”

“You have a single room?” Yuqi questioned in surprise. Her enthusiasm after midnight was still higher than yours had been all evening. “Man, I should become dorm supervisor next year.”

“It has its perks.”

Yuqi took over once you had reached your room, holding up Hwasa so they could lead her to her girlfriend’s room.

“Good night. Call me if you need help,” you told Wheein, who nodded thankfully.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” After Yuqi had bidden her goodbye, you turned to your door, entering the four-digit code to unlock it.

Once inside, you rid yourself of your shoes, turning the lights on as you set your bag down by your dresser.

A groan came from your bed, making you jump and stumble back against the wooden cupboard. Your blanket moved at the disturbance, a bulge the size of a grown person appearing underneath it. It took a mop of familiar brown hair to calm you as you realise that not an intruder had overtaken your bed.

“Dang it! Jisung, you creep! You almost gave me a heart attack.”

Noticing the tired haze in his eyes, you strolled over to him. You slid next to his torso as your hand reached for his chubby cheek, grazing his skin. It woke him up, your action met with a sigh and his head leaning comfortably against your palm.

Under the blanket, you noticed his shirt, which didn’t even begin to cover his bulging biceps. It took you a moment to recognise why it didn’t fit him like his other clothes usually did.

“Are you wearing my crop top again?” Amusement laced your tone.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You almost didn’t understand him, his vague mumbling blurrier than typical. He must have been asleep for a while.

“What are you doing here? I thought you wanted to hang out with Felix tonight.” You took out your earrings, neatly placing them on the small nightstand by your bed. “What happened to bonding with your roomie?”

“We hung out for four hours,” he explained with a yawn. “Then I came over because I missed you.”

Running your hand down the side of his face, he grabbed it as soon as he could reach it. He brought it to his lips to give your skin a quick peck.

“Now, come to bed, so we can sleep.”

“I need to get changed and brush my teeth first.”

“I can help you get out of your clothes. And I don’t care if your breath stinks.”

“I care.” You got off your bed to rush through your evening routine so you could fall into your love’s arms already. Yet, your intentions were rudely interrupted. “What the heck!”

Before you could take a step, Jisung’s arm snapped out from beneath your blanket, pulling you back. You couldn’t react fast enough as he dragged you into a lying position next to him, still fully clothed.

“See? I don’t care.”

“What about the light?”

Lifting his head off your pillow, he grabbed the tissue box from your nightstand and tossed it at the light switch. You didn’t know when he had suddenly learned to aim, but it hit smack-bang in the middle, shutting off all the light in your room.

“I gotta admit, that was impressive.”

“Now, let’s get you out of those clothes.”

You giggled as he effortlessly opened the button and zipper of your pants and dragged them down your legs. He tossed them towards the end of the bed, to be dealt with tomorrow. Next was your top, which he swiftly brought over your head, throwing it to join the rest of your clothes.

“If you only cleaned as quick as you undress me.”

“Everybody has their own forté.” You snickered at his words, closing the gap between you. “I could also be way quicker than that. We haven’t had sex in a week. Right now, your clothes are my nemesis.”

The heat of his body caught you in a warm hug, “A week already, huh?”

“8 days and 7 hours, to be exact. But who’s counting?” His arm came around you, scooting you closer so your back pressed flat against his chest.

“You wanna reset that clock?”

“Nah,” he brushed your suggestion off. “I’m way too tired to have sex right now.”

“Tomorrow then?”

“About that.” His hot breath fanned over your neck. “I know it’s date night, but there’s this party I was invited to. I thought we could go to that instead.”

“A party?” It was the first week of university. How had your introverted boyfriend already been invited to a party? You should have probably seen the answer coming. “Whose?”

“I think you know.”

Of course, you knew. How could you not when his parties had been legendary even back in the day? Though, until now, you had suppressed his present at this campus all together. His being the one who shalln’t be named.

You thought about Jisung’s suggestion for a second.

Sure, a party would intervene with your bi-weekly date night. And, on top of that, it was organised by someone, you didn’t know how to approach after everything that had gone down. But this was university, after all. And, as Solar had said before: University is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. So, why the heck shouldn’t you go to a party?

“So? What do you say?”

“Fine.” Jisung’s previously unbothered expression turned into a smile as he grazed his lips to your neck. “Just... Don’t tell your sister we’re going. I’m not sure she would appreciate us hanging out with her ex.”

“Lying to my sister? Who are you, and what did you do to my girlfriend?” A yawn hit your ear, your face scrunching at the unwanted ASMR session. “I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

As Jisung slipped into a deep slumber, your mind raced through the events of your day. It usually did at the end of the day, your mind too tired to do anything productive but too awake to rest. The silence around you allowed you to remember an earlier text message you never got to answer.

Pulling your arm out of your boyfriend’s iron hold on your body, you reached for your phone on the nightstand.

Your dad had sent you a voice message about three hours earlier when you had still been at the bar. You pushed the play button and brought the phone to your ear to not disturb Jisung’s beauty sleep. By all means, he needed it. Or so he said.

“Hi, honey. It’s dad. I hope you had a lovely day and aren’t studying too hard already.” You smiled at his words, knowing it was one of his biggest hopes for you to get some time to yourself. “Remember what I told you when you left? Live a little!” A pause as he was seemingly picking up something from the ground. “I just wanted to ask when you were coming home Friday. I’m planning brunch with you two and Jia, so if you could be here by noon, that’d be great.”

Friday was the day after tomorrow. You hadn’t forgotten you’d be going back home for the weekend, but you sure hoped the party tomorrow wouldn’t keep you up all night. If you had to be home by noon, you’d have to leave campus by ten. And after a party, like you expected this one to be, you prayed you and a certain someone wouldn’t be too hungover.

“Anyways, sleep tight, and have a lovely night. We miss you!”

A second voice appeared in the background, not too far from your father’s, and your heart skipped a happy beat. The words were harder to make out as he was munching on an apple, cereal, or something else crunchy.

Still, there wouldn’t come a day you wouldn’t understand his babbling.

“Come home soon, please! Mhpf—I miss you, mommy.”

With a loving smile plastered on your face, you replied with a heart emoji. After such a perfect goodnight-messaged, you’d be sleeping like a stone tonight.

Next Chapter >>> Let me know if you want to be tagged. Make sure you have an age indicator in your profile.

Masterlist Let me know your thoughts!

[mojowitchcraft]

STEDDIE WRAPPED

I'd love to see your Steddie Wrapped too! Please be sure to tag it #Steddie Wrapped so we can see them all!

Blank graphics by @strawberryspence are below the cut

This is making the rounds on twitter but I wanted to share here as well! I tried to post earlier but tumblr wouldn't let me! They keep getting mad about me trying to share a bunch of links and tag people! This is super disappointing as I love to share my fic recs on here >:(

I posted all of the links on my Twitter, and I've also started a collection on Ao3 for easy access!!

Tagging all mentioned writers here :) @glitterfang @toburnup @hexiewrites @eddywoww @grandmastattoo @pixelizedrifles @liarsandthieves22 @spinmewriteround @kiaramori @apuckishwit @arimakes @maryofdoom @mixsethaddams @rewritingicarus @plutosrose @entanglednow @palmviolet @rainbow-nerdss @itcanbepalped

The graphics were made by the lovely Dae @strawberryspence for the Steddie Support Group Podcast (our tumblr got mysteriously terminated without warning, probably for the same reason that it's not letting me post a bunch of links - flagged for spam!)

I'd love to see you share your faves!

[pinkyjulien]

🌈 Queerness in CyberPunk 2077

I wanted to make this post earlier this month but got caught up in modding shenanigans, as per usual~

BUT! It's still June, still pride, so here it is :>

▶ DISCLAIMER

All of this is my analyses, headcanons, of different characters, some of them not confirmed at all in anyway or form! I'm a queer man myself, but I do not claim to know everything about queerness and being queer, everyone experience the game and interpret the characters differently 🤲 This is only my opinions, based off canon game events, clues, hints, as well as developpers's tweets, streams, files datamining etc etc Please do not see this thread as an attack, or as something invalidating! I'm more than curious to heard what you think about my personal analyses, if you agree, if you don't, and why! If you think other characters also display hints of queerness I'd love to hear it too! 💙

This picture is an update I did in 2022 of lil collage I did back in 2021~

I posted the first version on Reddit back in 2021 and it created this whole "what do mean JOHNNY is GAY?" (because a rainbow behind a man automatically means he's Gay and nothing else right) and a lot of biphobia over his character in particular (gasp- THE rockerboy?! Biseggsual?? In my viddy game??)

▶ You can look at the thread here and have a lil laugh

SO, NATURALLY, after doing the 2022 collage, I went and uploaded it to reddit once again! Because triggering bigots and seeing them stumble over their own tongues trying to debunk everything is really funny ✨

However, I instantly muted the thread and let it rot in its own sauce for some days, weeks, only coming back to it later and Oh Boy 👀

I did a thread on Twitter last year exploring everything that was said on the thread and explaining why I put certain characters on it

Thought it'd be cool and fun to re-explore that and share my thoughts with y'all here SO LETS GET BACK TO IT 😌🤙

▶▶▶

I'll mainly paste screenshots of what I already said on my twitter thread, but I might add some things there and there!

Damn I was kinda pissed off back then HGHFHGF but yeah, this is also the reason I won't ever make any straight or super straight flags I do not headcanon Delamain as Asexual, as there isn't any confirmation anywhere that he's interest in that kind of interaction or not, but I'll come back to him later!

Goro being canonly Queer is often missed, and this surprises me, considering he's one of the popular character! He is interested (or not) equally in both Fem and Masc V, giving he's replying to them the exact same ways! This isn't something done randomly by the devs :)

As said in the tweet, there isn't any direct and clear evidence of Mitch and Scorpion being a couple! Their relationship is heavily queer coded and queer people are more easily picking up on it than non-queer peoeple (and that's normal) Gay men have called their male partner Friend, Best friend and Brother through history maaaany many time, and that's part of my interpretation of their relationship too, especially giving they're both veterans who fought in the same war. The poem Mitch wrotes during "I'll Fly Away" (heavily implied) is romantic and gay coded, the gay novel in Mitch's tent (confirmed to be on purpose) is what we call environnemental story telling, it's subtle but adds to a character's backstory and lore! As for the datamining, I found a Mitch awkwardly explaining to V that no, Saul doesn't have any say in whatever he's doing with Scorpion stuff "because.... because... eh, that's just family stuff"

Note on Delamain here because I've heard it even caused some drama here on Tumblr that I said that? He uses He/Him to describe himself, the Main Entity, but multiples of his splites entities uses She/Her, meaning he's literally Non-Binary in how his entity is formed (I find it really cool for an AI ngl ngl) However if my headcanon offended anyone, I apologize! and I'd love to hear others interpretation :3

There isn't any open and visible MLM gay couple in Cyberpunk 2077! Bouncing off ElvenBeard's amazing analyses and thoughts on Kerry's sexuality, he can be seen as Bisexual (confirmed by RTAL themselves) and Homosexual (confirmed by the devs before and after the game released) he can be Both and Both are correct depending on how you view his character and how he grew from his past relationship (Bisexual with a masc preference, Bisexual who have to heal from his marriage, Gay man who realized his sexuality later after a wonky marriage, etc)

The whole "Responsability=Wife" Takemura take angers me to no end, taking its roots in heteronormativity- We see Goro care for his job above all else, to me that's what his "responsability" is and always was; his job

Nothing more to add here- Jackie's only relationship we see in game is with Misty, this doesn't confirm nor deny anything! (However with how he react to V pushing him, lip-bitting and all regardless of gender, I can totally see him as being queer)

AND That's about it!

It was interesting to dig into that thread last year and thought I'd share that here, as a refresher that Johnny is Bi, Takemura too, and smaller characters like Mitch and Evelynn still have clear hints of queerness to them ✨

I really like how CP77 touches on queerness, it feels realistic, it doesn't feel forced; which, sadly, create this problem of "UH?? This is pure LIES" if a character's sexuality is not splattered in your face, which then create the "Ugh why does it have to be forced down our throat" complains

Something something, lesson here is that people will always complain about queerness, be it loud, be it subtle, so fuck it! Scream it, go apeshit over small details, over-analyse everything cause chances are: this is intentional!

More Characters

I later noticed that Regina have a naked lady tattooed on her forearm, and since we know nothing is done randomly in CDPR's video games, makes me think that she might be sapphic in some way ✨

Mateo is also one of my fav "potential queer", how he could be a trans man, but there isn't anything really to support that other than that one interaction with V

▶ Link to the updated collage Reddit Thread

▶ Link to my Twitter breakdown

[bugshine-and-raincloud]

I was going to make a post about this on Instagram, but I realized I literally started using Tumblr so I can infodump without a character limit but I don't think I have... So, I should post it here!... So I can be detailed without running out of space and having to delete paragraphs and paraphrase (I have to do that so much on Instagram 😞)...

Okay, so, one of my big headcanons from FNAF Security Breach is that Roxy is Transfem... That she's actually Trans Foxy... I actually stole this headcanon from Bug lol...

I was thinking about it a bit ago, and realized it genuinely makes sense?... Like, we headcanon that she's Trans Foxy since Foxy is pretty much completely absent from the game (as far as we're aware)... There's no direct mention of him, just a few art pieces depicting him + his area next to Monty's Golf that seems maybe abandoned?... I haven't played the game in a bit, but I'm pretty sure it's fairly empty?... Or, at least, it felt pretty empty to me... And why would they (as in, Fazbear Entertainment) just get rid of a beloved character?... Maybe Foxy is just out of order and is in some inaccessible room, that's definitely the actual likely reason...

But who says headcanons have to be likely?!... Our headcanon is that Foxy is Trans and couldn't deal with the dysphoria anymore, so she told an employee or manager or whoever... She honestly probably just expected them to scrap her endoskeleton and replace her... Why would they bother actually allowing her to transition, that would cost a lot of money to feminize her casing... But the company is greedy and realized that pirates and foxes aren't as popular with kids anymore (are they actually?... Idk)... So they took the opportunity to create a (female, for Foxy) wolf character (are wolves more popular than foxes fr?... Idk, they're Bug's favourite animal though so they do feel more popular lol...), who's into racing (also unsure if racing is more popular than pirates, probably not?... But in this headcanon scenario they are... The world of Security Breach is different from ours, bears are literally extinct, I can headcanon whatever I want about it lol)... She now gets to go by Roxanne, be gender as fuck, and gets to be way cooler!... Though, she still struggles with self esteem issues and also has NPD (That one is a headcanon I came up with without Bug, I'm projecting so hard onto this wolf fr)...

Got a little carried away with my explanation, but that's what this Tumblr is for!... Anyway, that's not why I realized it makes sense... Well, that's our general justification for it, but earlier I realized something else... None of the Foxy's seem Cis... Honestly, that could be another reason why Fazbear Entertainment caved and just let her be Trans... No matter how hard they've tried in the past, no matter the design change or changing endoskeletons, the Foxys can't be Cis...

Mangle is the obvious example, Scott has been switching between he and she pronouns with her throughout most of the games and literally said his gender is "yes"... But she's not the only one... Funtime Foxy is one we've also headcanoned as Bigender for a while... Not just because he's feminine, but because she's referred to with she/her pronouns by handunit... Also, in UCN he's exclusively referred to with he/him pronouns, BUT she's also in the Ladies Night 3 challenge... Also Lolbit is kind of obvious too since they're literally just a virus and also they're the Nonbinary flag colors (basically)...

Those 3 are the obvious ones, the others are more.. purely headcanon lol... Nightmare Foxy is literally in the closet... Yes, that's my entire reasoning for him being not Cis... FNAF 1 Foxy is mostly hidden too, in his own sort of closet (ik it's a stage, I mean in a metaphorical way)... Also I'm not acknowledging the fact that he's possessed (or any of the other Foxy's) because I do not care and am only referring to the animatronics themselves... I believe (according to info on the fandom wiki...) FNAF 1 Foxy is out of order because his endoskeleton is glitchy and twitchy... Maybe because he's experiencing dysphoria 🤔 (ik this is a reach, all of this is a reach, LET ME HAVE FUN /lh)... Uh, is Withered Foxy a different Foxy?... I really need to learn the lore of these games lmao... Uh, he's Trans because they're all Trans... Idk if I'm forgetting any Foxys... All of the Foxys are either Nonbinary or Transfem (or both)...

Im kind of losing steam for this post, the tiredness is kicking in lol... Uh, yeah, the point is that it makes sense that they let Roxy just be Trans, since they realized Foxy is always Trans and they can't stop it... So they just fully embraced her finally...

Don't comment on this with any lore debunking anything, I genuinely couldn't care less, let us have our Trans headcanons for a bunch of nonexistent animatronics in a game series lol... Also, if Foxy does end up being in the DLC, it will debunk very little to us... We've already decided that if that happens, we'll just headcanon they gave that Trans endoskeleton her own casing (Roxy) and then just shoved a new endoskeleton in Foxy so they didn't have to actually lose the character... And that Foxy will also be Trans to us... There is no escaping the Foxy Trans headcanons lmao...

If anyone has read all of this, why? /lh... I mean, thanks?... Idk, lol... I appreciate being able to make a really long, silly post like this about a headcanon I love, that maybe someone will read (I doubt it though /lh)... If you agree with us, cool!... If you'd like, our dms are open for discussion about other Queer headcanons (even if we don't know the media, you can infodump to us and we'll enjoy learning about your blorbos and why you believe they're queer)... Our dms are also open for basically anything else, we barely socialize and wouldn't mind having others to talk to lol...

This post is too long for me to want to proofread (also I'm tired), if there are spelling or grammar mistakes, sorry... If there aren't, I'm just that perfect I guess /hj... 🌌

[astroboots]

My apologies if you’ve answered this already (and I hope this doesn’t come off as a weird question), but when writing Red Flags for the first time was it your intention for “Not Steven” at the end of Ch 1 to be Marc, not Jake? Asking because I think you have a really strong grasp on Marc’s characterization and i think you said in another ask you really began to understand and connect with Marc while writing the story, and I think a lot of folks expected him to be like a suave guy (as Jake has been headcanoned) rather than a deeply repressed man who has so far avoided healing from his past, as we see him in the rest of the show. If so, you fucking nailed the ending, well done! I love coming back to this story.

oh oh oh!!!

I LOVE this question! So when I first wrote Red Flags I had only seen one single episode of Moon Knight and just had this idea that would not leave me after I saw this amazing tumblr post about how if Steven showed up on the wrong day they would just nod and go whatever you say Steven hun, today's Thursday, let's go have steak! And I thought of the idea of a reader who would still show up on the date and how that would go.

At the time of having only watched episode one, you are absolutely right, that I thought Marc's character would be more suave and I was pleasantly surprised when I watched the other episode to see that he was someone so nuanced and vulnerable and deeply struggling/repressed.

You'll see from my earlier oneshots like Fit to Burst that my take on him then is very different for this reason. By the time @thirstworldproblemss and I decided to write and plan out chapter two, having seen more of the show we both agreed that it is not Marc at the end of chapter 1, it's Jake. And everything from chapter two onwards was planned with Jake in mind, and the final scene with Jake was something we had planned from that point (and was so excited about) and wanted to keep foreshadowing until we got to the eventual end.

For example we never have Marc call her sweetheart. We mention that Marc doesn't give off wolf vibes, but stray dog vibes. The way he looks at her (while grouchy and impatient) is also very different from the way Jake looks at her in that first encounter.

[mixsethaddams]

Knife To The Throat

Day 4 for @febuwhump. (Yes I know I’m late I’m catching up as best I can. I’ll add all these to ao3 soon too, I might end up just bulk posting them all there by the 28th instead of on tumblr.)

Steve Harrington, Robin Buckley, Jim Hopper, Joyce Byers, Murray, Enzo

Words: 1166

Warnings: The title should be treated as a red flag. PTSD. Implied murder-suicide.

Steve never truly recovered from everything that went on in the Upside Down. 

None of them did, to be fair. They had their mandated therapy sessions and various hospital appointments to make sure their core temperature wasn’t showing any signs of harbouring a parasite. Everyone else seemed to be able to move on though, and that’s where Steve fell down. 

He listened to Hopper tell a story about the war once. The Chief detailed the emotions that still overwhelmed him when he thought back on it, how he struggled to fire his gun to protect himself because it reminded him of being right back there in the dark, surrounded by enemies and with no way out. Hopper spoke of nightmares, of sudden flashes of moments he thought his life was over, of losing his friends. Steve listened with wide eyes and it felt like his own thoughts were being read aloud by someone else. But Steve wasn’t a solider, so it couldn’t be the same thing, right? He was probably just being dramatic, so Steve never mentioned how he felt to his therapist either. He didn’t listen to any of Hopper’s war stories after that. 

Steve kept it buried as well as he could. He didn’t always manage to be entirely subtle about his reaction to the little things that triggered whatever it was he was going through. Sometimes he was already in the middle of grabbing the nearest weapon by the time he snapped out of it. Passing it off as a joke to the right person was easy, Tommy Hagan thought it was hilarious when Steve picked up a rock and threw it at a particularly large black labrador. The dog was fine; Steve managed to abort the throw just in time. Steve was not ok, however. He couldn’t help but think how awful it would have been if he actually hit the poor dog. 

“Steve, you need to listen to me,”

Steve never lost the control he worked so hard to keep. Well, almost never. He punched one of Jason Carver’s friends in the face at a memorial service. He was out cold immediately and it took three people to stop Steve from kicking the poor boy in the head when he was on the ground. Fuck that guy. He deserved it. He should never have said that Steve couldn’t protect Max from Eddie Munson. Didn't know what the fuck he was talking about. Sure, the reaction was a bit bigger than what most people would have had, but Steve protected his friends as best he could, and that prick made Lucas cry by talking about Max. 

“It’s ok, it’s all ok, you don’t need to- Can you please look at me?”

His feelings of being a total failure were already high in his throat, and it boiled over right as he was being dragged away from the memorial by someone speaking fucking Russian. 

He screamed at them and wriggled out of their grip, falling heavy onto the ground as they finally got him out of the building. Hopper and Murray stood with their hands outstretched, palms up, placating him. Another man Steve didn’t recognise stood with them, eyebrow cocked in stoic concern. As he asked the others if this boy is ok, he looks like he is having heart attack maybe?, his accent made Steve’s blood run cold. No, no. They were not letting him go back into that bunker, they were not handing him right back over to the enemy. Steve’s vision swam as he turned and ran, ignoring the shouts behind him. 

It didn’t take long for a small group to find him in his parents’ kitchen, backed into a corner with one knife pressed to his throat and another swinging wildly to stop anyone coming too close. Blood from his neck dripped down onto the white shirt he wore to the earlier ceremony. 

“I’m not going back there,” he hissed, slicing through the air in front of him as Joyce tried to approach. 

“I know, I know,” she soothed, taking a step back and holding her hands up in surrender. “We’re going to stay right here, okay?”

Steve’s eyes flew around the room, looking for escape. He was boxed in. Hopper and Murray were in the doorway, Robin blocked the back door. The Russian was standing near Murray. Too close to Robin. She was exposed. He couldn’t protect her like this. 

Steve lunged forward and grabbed Robin, spinning her around so her back was against his chest. He held her tight and moved one of the knives from his neck, to her throat. She gripped tight to his forearm, trying desperately to pull it away. Steve was strong from years of sports and fighting, much too strong for her to compete with. She couldn’t move him. 

“Steve please-” she gasped, feeling the already blood-warmed metal against her skin. 

“I won’t let them take us,” he whispered into her ear. “They won’t get us,”

Steve glared over Robin’s shoulder at the tight faces around him. Hopper moved towards them and Steve spun around to slash a knife in his direction. Robin’s fingers tightened even more around his arm and the blade dug into her skin, adding her own blood now to the mess. Joyce’s eyes went wide as she watched Jim try get close.

“None of you are taking us back down there, do you understand me?” said Steve, his voice far too calm. Hopper felt a panic rise up in his gut at the deadpan tone. 

“Steve, Steve, sweetheart, please,” said Joyce softly.

“I kill us both first,” said Steve, bringing the spare knife back to rest just below his adam’s apple. “You won’t get either of us,”

“They don’t want us,” cried Robin gently, her feet kicking out as she tried to stay on her tip toes to avoid the pain of the tool digging into her neck. “They’re our friends,”

Steve kissed the side of her head and buried his face in her hair. His wild eyes glared out sideways at the others in the room. 

“Shhh, shhh, I thought so too,” he said shakily, pressing his back harder into the wall behind him. 

“Please kid, come on,” said Hopper, one hand on his gun and the other stretched out in front of him. The Russian already had a gun trained on Steve. Murray was frantically dialling a number on the phone that hung on the kitchen wall. The knife against Steve’s neck flew out to point at Hopper briefly before returning to squeeze against his already torn skin. “Put them down, and we can talk,”

“No!” snapped Steve. Everyone froze as his hands visibly tensed around each of the handles. 

“Love you Rob, you hear me?” said Steve. “I have to keep you safe, it’s the only way,”

“Not like this,” she pleaded. “We’ll find another way to escape,”

“Put them down, Steve!” called Hopper, now pointing his gun.

Steve planted another kiss to Robin’s temple. 

“No,”

[mayasdeluca]

Not sure if you're aware but Tumblr is flagging something on your page as "mature content" and I think it might be the Stefania photo you posted earlier.

Oh no lol I got that message when going on two other people's blogs earlier too! I don't really know what to do about it though so 🤷🏻‍♀️ people will have to enter at their own risk lol...thanks for letting me know though!

[nxdxxh3]

Hello.

I have not posted or reblog or whatever these things are called nowadays. Anyways, I bet no one reads this cus i just wanna give a life update to myself lmao.

I stopped visiting tumblr probably more than 5 years ago?? So around 2018 probably. Oh wow. Okay imma make a timeline then.

2018: I was with my ex boyfriend. Lets just call him A. Things started great then went downhill and i ignored all the red flags yadda yadda yadda typical young girl thats so positive im gonna end up with this guy. Well no. If i could turn back time, i would slap myself in the face and tell her to run. I actually cant remember much back then as im trying to forget everything 2020 and below. But what i did remember is how manipulative he is and a liar. But, i was in "love". I started my diploma this year and graduated already in 2019. We'll get to that year in a second. Anyways, he practically talked me into being with him rather than this really great dude i was dating before him and mind you he had a gf. In my defense, i didnt know as i said earlier, hes manipulative and a liar. The dude before him is from singapore and i was young and thought LDR wont work on me(boy i was wrong.) I needed the physical attention cus well, i was young.. But im glad i did met him physically cus we planned to meet in Johor and it was sweet. okay that got sidetracked but 2018 is like the 2nd year i was with A. During this year, it really went downhill. I started to fall into deep depression and my mental health was bad bad. Thats when i felt i wanted to unalive myself and hurt myself. and i did. the latter i mean. anyways he started working somewhere and i actually was sus about this bitch working there as well. Lets call her S for slut.

2019: Fast forward to 2019. This is the year i got a cyst on my left ovary. Due to reasons i rather not say but i will answer if by any chance someone read this and are curious so go ahead inbox me i guess. But definitely A was contributing to it. Whether directly or indirectly. So yeah, during that time it was bad. I lost my left ovary and i only have 1 now. How i found out you ask? (no one asked but) I had really unbearable pain on my abdominal area. The uterus area like non stop. I thought its the period cramps but i wasnt on my period that time at all. I found out a bit late so the cyst grew until 12cm and i saw it after the removal. Its the size of a baby's head! im not even exaggerating. Its really big. Anyways after the surgery, my family has been there for me. They're really the main reason why im still alive and well mentally and physically. That was in July. and i cant remember anything before that. so lets move on. Towards the end of the year, i found out that A was cheating on me. Not 1, but with 2 different girls. 1 is S and 1 is F. These random ass letters will get me confused but nvm. F is the ex gf. and the funny thing is, F was friends, best friends with S. LMAO. When i found out, the first thing i did was exposing him on my instagram sksk. I cant do anything and im not gonna stay quiet about it. so i just did that. and a lot of people came forward exposing more about him and S. So hes really active with S. Hes been going out, fucking her and F behind my back. and they both dont know about each other's situation btw until F saw my insta story and contacted me to meet up. and we did and i told her everything. all this time A was badmouthing me to his side pieces saying how much of a psycho i am, how i always beg him to stay (fuck no ew i always ask for break ups but he always have a way for words and actions). Like i said, hes manipulative and a liar. the fact he had the audacity to ask me to not stay mad for long as if im still gonna be part of this shitty hole. fuck no. i did confront S at that time and bro i really felt like i wanted to slap her face and drag her across the road but hey hes not that fucking worth it for me to do that. I complete left the whole fiasco and stayed friends with F lmao. shes cool. but sometimes dumb bcs she still stayed with him after everything. although that time A already went public with S he can still manipulated F somehow. A ended up marrying S tho. and side note, i gave A a fossil watch and it was fucking expensive. and he told F he bought it himself lmao. fucker. oh and he often take advantage on me asking me to pay for shit. he did pay sometimes but restaurants that are expensive, i paid. he paid for mamak, hawker stalls and what not lmao. So that ended. And i ended up celebrating new years alone and i fucking glad i did.

2020 -2021 July: So uuh covid came. And i met this dude on May 2020. How? me and my discord friends that i met during covid were planning to meet up and hes one of them who tags along. He just broke up with his ex gf 2-3 days ago that time. How he approached me, he kissed me creepily and suddenly while me and him was alone in a house i rented before covid during my degree. Now that i think back, it was creepy. He said "what if i attacked you right now". LIKE WTF? WHO SAYS THAT. Then he suddenly kissed me. i did not know how to de-escalated the situation. so i just let it slide. we just met for 2 hours btw. and he keeps on asking for a kiss afterwards too. on the way back from the outing, i have to send him back and he did not have a license btw. All the way back, he keeps on asking wanting to kiss me again (of course i said no) and hold my hand (this one i was ok with it although i was so uncomfortable). It was so creepy dude. I dont know if those things counts as assault or not cus i kinda just went along with it but i was uncomfy. Anyways, hes unhygienic, kinda narcissistic also have anger issues. Everytime we played games together, i cant enjoy shit bcs he keeps on tilting and screaming at randoms. (sometimes he tilts on me) I also have to pick him up and send him back after all of our dates. it was a mess. I learned the hard way after agreeing to date him. but during my relationship with him, im the fucked up one. i owned up to my mistakes and im not gonna leave this part out from this timeline. i cheated on him with some random dude. and i wont justify my actions. cheating is still cheating. he did gave me a second chance and i swear to god i did try my best to be better. i don't blame him for acting more suspicious of me and blaming me for everything. but it gets worse and i got tired. i honestly thought i should've just left instead of asking for a second chance. i realized the reason why i asked for a second chance is just to make up for it. bcs i felt bad. and that's not something i should've done. i should've just left and let him healed. trust me that came up a lot of times but seems like he doesn't want us to end either. so the unhappy and most depressing phase of our relationship got dragged until august 2021.

2021 August: I finally had the courage to end things with him for good. Bcs we both tried to move on from the incident but hes not doing well on his end. He still accused me of things that i didn't do. Question everything i did and yes i got tired. again i don't blame him but Its getting unhealthy and toxic for both of us. He keeps on saying he trusts me and i have become better but still act like we're back to square one. I called quits and he doesn't want to in the beginning. But then i had to lie telling him i have another person in my life. and that was his last straw. He screamed and yelled at me and just ended there like that. I felt bad but i cant stay again bcs i felt bad. Its not right.

2021 September - Present: These timelines are getting me confused ngl cus i really cant remember the exact time. anyways before i broke up with my previous bf, i was in another different circle of friends. I spent most of my time there while trying to escape him. i thought maybe if i distant myself its a lot more easier for me to leave and him to forget me. but yea during that time we actually fought a lot bcs of that. so after the break up i spent all of my time there. and i met this random singaporean dude. we spent all night talking and exchanging songs that we like and watching sitcoms. i remember our first show was The Good Place. Our discord server name is The Good Place where we hang a lot. (ldr things) and yes he knows about my past from A to Z. Basically everything i have wrote so far. We played valorant a lot tgt. I know i know, very short amount of time meeting someone new. but bro he hits different. its definitely the rush, the chasing, the butterflies. i haven't felt like that for a while and well, its bcs of my own fault too. i admit everything happens so fast like very fast. so we start really getting to know each other after dating which is weird and can lead to an easy break up especially we're doing long distance. but im not losing this dude. so i said, fuck it. he did say that he scared long distance would be hard but hes willing to try. i did it before and i want to be better. especially for a guy like him. 2 years has passed and today, 13th April 2023, we're still together and getting engage hopefully end of this year. Life has been great since i met him. Everything is different. he accepts me for who i am, we finish each other's dark humors/jokes. We facetime everyday and never get tired of seeing each other. He met my family and i met his. Although we ldr, we make it work. There's ups and down of course and mostly bcs of me lmao cus i self sabotage a lot liddat. but im working on it. and also, i suck at communicating. mostly bcs i usually keep things to myself during my past relationships. but that's what im working on right now and i hope im doing well. besides that, i am finally content and happy. Not a day goes by i never thought of him. I truly love him and i cant wait for what the future holds for us.

Thanks for reading guys. (im probably talking alone rn)

[trekraider]

I posted 868 times in 2022

6 posts created (1%)

862 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@bingwhenthereisstuff

@spockvarietyhour

@tiberiusmulder

@yourspookyginger

@do-you-have-a-flag

I tagged 17 of my posts in 2022

#me - 3 posts

#corset - 3 posts

#goth - 2 posts

#literally answered yes to all those questions - 1 post

#vast - 1 post

#caro emerald - 1 post

#hozier and john boyega - 1 post

#smut with fake dating - 1 post

#hell to the yes - 1 post

#leather chaps - 1 post

Longest Tag: 125 characters

#it's always that one of 'do you find other people have a rulebook for social interaction that you weren't given' that gets me

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

figured out why I’ve been crying for two days. my abandonment issues are being pushed into full gear because too many changes are happening at once in my social circles and it’s been putting me in full fledged panic mode to the extent that I want to vomit from the immensity of these feelings.

2 notes - Posted November 25, 2022

#4

So in fun news, I got kicked out of the house I’ve been renting since July 2020.

My “best friend” of six years eloped with his girlfriend, the one he has spent years shit talking about to me - saying she’s a bitch, and annoying, and he hates her, and that she is so terrible. The girlfriend he’s evidently been grooming since she was 18 and he was in his mid-20s. The girlfriend who made him quit his job and treats him like a personal maid. The girlfriend who almost let him die earlier this year because she ignored him while he was sick and dehydrated over a toilet bowl for DAYS at her home.

And when I found out they got married, it wasn’t even through him telling me himself. I found out because she was posting it all over her instagram. And his excuse was  “my private life is my business and I don’t have to tell you anything.” How is it private when your girlfriend-now-wife is bragging about it in public?  My bet is she’s pregnant and they don’t want to pay for another abortion.  

I found out around Christmas Eve, which was a fabulous time. And he removed me from the lease right after, without the landlord ever consulting me because he was the primary leaser.

Over the last week - while still working full time - I’ve been scrambling to pack up my world of the last year and a half. 

But I just feel betrayed. He broke my fucking heart, and his constant dismissal and treatment of me throughout all of 2021 was part of the reason I tried to kill myself. I had never felt as alone and helpless and worthless as I did while living with him. 

I missed so many red flags about him out of some foolish devotion to our friendship. But he hadn’t been a friend in a long time, and barely a roommate.

He’s made it needlessly complicated for me to move my stuff out too because he’s randomly barred me from the house, actively brandished an axe at me when I showed up to pack boxes after work last week, and hasn’t cooperated at all in me trying to get out when he’s the one kicking me out.

But I’m dead to him now. His words.

It’s a blessing and a curse because the timing means I can get a clean break. 

I’m very fortunate that my parents have space for me to move back in temporarily, and I’ll be looking for an apartment near my new job soon.

So I guess my forced resolution for 2022 is to let go of toxic people and find light in the world.

8 notes - Posted January 4, 2022

#3

Another day, another Halloween fit.

12 notes - Posted October 30, 2022

#2

Outfit from last night's Halloween party

26 notes - Posted October 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Went to the Gary Numan concert in Houston and absolutely love how my outfit turned out!

28 notes - Posted March 6, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[improper-integral]

I posted 8,194 times in 2022

That's 2,259 more posts than 2021!

60 posts created (1%)

8,134 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@stupid-lemon-eater

@thebadwulff

@annundriel

@snake-and-mouse

@upsidedowngoblin

I tagged 7,118 of my posts in 2022

Only 13% of my posts had no tags

#honestly me - 634 posts

#lmao - 476 posts

#supernatural - 288 posts

#our flag means death - 255 posts

#tumblr - 211 posts

#the devil judge - 195 posts

#cats - 187 posts

#destiel - 185 posts

#tgcf - 182 posts

#fanfic - 145 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i don't care about mcr but this post distresses me cause i'm apparently like the same age as batman in the new movie which is uncomfortable

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Today I turn 34!

My 30s really have been better than my 20s, so far. Hopefully that trend continues for the upcoming year!

I took today off so I could have a 3 day weekend, and I'm going on a quick solo road trip to Big Bear (mountain area of SoCal) to celebrate 😊 Even though it might be rainy tomorrow, hopefully I can come back with photos to share!

8 notes - Posted August 12, 2022

#4

My blaze post finished last night and I got the "Blaze Report" after I went to bed.

Here are the stats: Impressions: 9223 Likes: 271 Reblogs: 114 Replies: 32 Follows: 2 Shares: 9

Yes, while some people assumed I paid for the $10 version, I actually paid for the $25 version, which estimates 7k impressions, so I'm surprised I got over 9k [insert meme here].

These stats don't line up with the notes on the actual post, which is curious. It has 40 comments (including 3 of my own), 184 reblogs and 356 likes. I'm guessing the difference comes from users who saw the reblogs and not the original sponsored post? Getting only 580 notes with 9k impressions is a little disappointing but that's tumblr for you

Anyway, that was super fun! I think I might try again sometime, but maybe with something less likely to have people curse at me lmao

9 notes - Posted April 25, 2022

#3

alivorte ➡ brillemos

I posted about this earlier today (thanks @tenacioustam and @lib for responding and helping me pick!) but I finally changed my url!

In case you missed it, brillemos means "let's shine" in Spanish! And is also a pun on my name, Bri, because I'm a cringe dork and proud of it 😎

I saved alivorte as a side blog and wrote a little JavaScript that will auto-redirect to my new url, even if you're just looking at a singular post, it will redirect to that post. BUT, it only works on desktop. I don't know how to make it work on mobile and I'm not particularly motivated to try. Sorry mobile-using followers 😅

9 notes - Posted April 19, 2022

#2

I'm registered for the Lesbians Who Tech Pride Summit this year and I recall that you went to the same event before (or something that sounded very, very similar to it). Do you have any tips to get the most out of it? I am still very much a tech newbie who wants to break into tech and the agenda looks a bit overwhelming. Thanks in advance if you have time to answer this ask! If not, it's okay...you sharing your career journey on tumblr has been inspiring, to say the least!

Aww thanks! I did go to Lesbians Who Tech back in 2018 when I was still in grad school. I think I also signed up for the virtual pride summit this year as well, though I probably won't be able to attend (work kinda gets in the way lol).

The biggest regret I have about when I attended in 2018 was being too shy to try to connect with other people there. I think that's probably the biggest benefit to attending events like this in the first place - networking. Which I've never been particularly good at, lol. So if possible, I'd recommend targeting sessions about networking or allow you to network.

Otherwise, as a tech newbie, you likely won't get much benefit from the more technical sessions, unless you already have some prior exposure to the topic or it's marketed as a beginner friendly session (like I found one called Intro to Native Mobile Development on Tuesday, if that suits your fancy). So I'd have some fun with it, look for ones that sound interesting to you! Or check out sessions in a variety of different areas of tech (coding, analytics, product mangement, etc) so you get a wider exposure to the tech world. I feel a little overwhelmed myself looking at how many sessions there are lol so I don't think I can give more specific advice than this, unfortunately.

I hope you have fun attending the summit, and if you ever have any more questions, feel free to reach out at any time!

13 notes - Posted June 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

585 notes - Posted April 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[sleepymarmot]

Phantom Thread (2017)

[Finally forcing myself to post the reviews of films I watched earlier this year. Saw this one on January 29th — almost exactly seven months ago! As usual, I also post the notes I took while watching, so scroll down a bit if you only want the review.]

Liveblog

The dress is pretty but it doesn’t sit well on her at all.

Damn that was quite a rude way to hit on a perfect stranger

Girl has no sense of self-preservation! What do you mean you get into the car of a customer you talked to for two minutes, after dark?!

Wow he put his fingers in the sauce, is that normal for rich British men or is that another creepy flirting method? That’s unhygienic, please use your own food for innuendo

Oh my god Cyril is immediately acting creepy also

“My job to give you some. (beat) If I choose to.” Dude lmao…

“You have the ideal shape. He likes a little belly.” Ok first of all, insane thing to say once again. Secondly, w h e r e

I like this dress even less. Weird skirt, looks uncomfortable.

Why did he bring his sister to their date

“How early?” “I’ll wake you.” …

The fabric conversation… Is this negging again or is he for real

I really thought Cyril would say “Maybe you’re being too fussy.” I guess Alma has not yet leveled up enough to get quoted verbatim

“But, please, don’t let her sit around waiting for you.” Ha, now Cyril is repeating Alma’s words without even knowing Does Cyril not drink from the kettle? That was kind of risky…

The wedding dress is ugly Oh, he said it himself, okay

Damn, all of these women have to work overtime because of this couple’s power plays

He went from “I want a divorce” to “We’re doing food poisoning based BDSM” awfully quickly

Wait where’s that text post about being poisoned by your wife... Was it inspired by this movie lol

Ok so we all agree Reynolds is autistic, with his routines and picky eating and misophonia

---

Review

How come Tumblr has never mentioned this one to me? Feels silly to say “where have you all been hiding this” about a Best Picture nominee from five years ago, but still. This is literally a romance between “ok first of all i didnt "miss" the red flags i looked them and thought yeah thats sexy” and “love my terrible wife […] when we eat dinner ill smile and say “poison again ?” and she will shrug mischievously but we both know it is very much poison”!

General notes

Set design, cinematography and lighting were beautiful. In our age of murky shots, it’s remarkable to see a film that’s never underlit — sometimes even the opposite. Wasn’t a fan of the grain, though; the flickering is hard on the eyes, and in the copy I watched it looked like a low quality rip instead of a warm nostalgic analogue look that I assume was intended. The sound side was as good as the visuals: this might be the first time I actually noticed the sound design, and the score was nothing less than what I expected of Jonny Greenwood.

I have mixed feelings about the costuming. Some of the dresses are beautiful… but the two most important ones, the very first dress we see and the very first dress made for Alma, didn’t fit the wearers’ silhouettes, and looked stiff and uncomfortable.

Some of the dialogue, mostly at the beginning, felt unnatural; not sure if that’s just me not being a native speaker, since nobody else had the same complaint.

I didn’t get “never cursed”. Was that a statement Reynolds secretly made about himself, or a lucky charm referring to the princess’ marriage? Why did Alma rip the label out? Why did she join the seamstresses in the first place — did she feel guilty that they got caught in the crossfire and had to work overtime because of her, or did she just want to inspect the dress? I also don’t understand why people seem to adore the New Year’s Eve scene.

Do you think Alma told the doctor the whole story, or just talked about their relationship but left out the poisonings? I think it would be unwise to tell that to anyone lest they call the police…

In the sections below, I am going to talk negatively about Reynolds a lot. So I want to clarify first: I do sympathize with Reynolds in many ways; I wouldn’t want a new person to get in the way of my habits, and I would be unhappy with the surprise dinner too. And that’s also exactly why I don’t invite strangers to live with me and interrupt my routines then get mad at them for that, you know…

Filing this one as “Movies I wouldn’t want to watch or discuss with my mother even though there’s zero sex and nudity on screen”. I don’t know which part would be more awkward, the Freudian subtext or everything else…

The omelette

I’ve recently acquired a bad habit of reading too much about movies before watching. In this case it was probably a good thing, though: without the spoilers, I doubt I would have seen this any time soon, or managed to sit through the first hour. Luckily, I didn’t know the key element of the omelette scene, and still managed to have a proper first time viewing experience as it slowly dawned on me that Reynolds was aware of everything and the poisoning was going to be consensual this time.

That scene, and the follow-up interactions between Alma and Reynolds in the cottage (excluding the daydreaming flash-forwards, which I have mixed feelings about), were, unsurprisingly, my favorite part of the film. Many reviews quote Alma’s monologue (which, as I realize now, I might have originally encountered in a joke screenshot with zero context) or the line Reynolds says in response, so I’ll highlight some other things. The contrast between how simple and ordinary their actions are on the surface (cooking, serving food, eating, talking at the table) and how wild the meaning of these actions is; the mix between a duel, a dance and a negotiation that mostly consists of extremely mundane movements. The intense eye contact, the “I know that you know that I know”. How Alma put too much butter in his food and poured water too loudly for too long, and he accepted it without complaint but with the same calm and clarity as the poison. How they look genuinely happy, in love, and on the same page for the first time in the entire film. How easily he says “I love you”.

The omelette discourse

…And now that I’ve documented my immediate positive emotional response, it’s time for some overthinking and complaining. Perhaps everything I say below can be dismissed by saying “they’re both awful and deserve each other, that’s the point haha”, but that’s not a mode my brain can stay in for long. So please bear with me, or just skip this section.

Because no matter how exciting and cathartic that ending is, I can’t help but ask: what next? Is this experience going to let Reynolds finally grow out of his cycle of childlike helplessness and patriarchal despotism, instead of solidifying it? What are we supposed to infer — that the poisonings are going to be a regular occurrence from now on, or that they will become unneeded as Reynolds gradually mellows out? (The former would, realistically, have diminishing returns and practical complications like “people are going to start asking questions”, and the latter kind of goes against the celebratory kink-positive tone of the film’s grand finale.) Are we to believe that Alma’s poison is an antidote to Reynolds’s toxic masculinity, and that the more he submits to Alma the more he can tolerate her when things go back to normal, until the two of them grow to exist harmoniously?

I guess there is some evidence of that process already beginning. When Reynolds bounces back after the first poisoning, he’s slightly less mean to Alma than before the marriage. Alma’s poisoning is also less destructive the second time: consent, no collateral damage, not on the eve of an important deadline, she agrees to call the doctor.

I think the film wants the viewer to think that by the end, Reynolds and Alma’s mutual toxicity cancels itself out, and they manage to reach a harmonious equilibrium. That might be true of the first poisoning, where Alma retaliates against Reynolds’s abuse with some of her own. At the mid-point of the film, their vileness is pretty evenly matched. After that first poisoning, there’s a brief honeymoon period. Then Reynolds goes back to berating Alma, disregarding her feelings, and being dissatisfied with her presence in his life… And in response to Reynolds making her feel unloved, Alma does something that makes Reynolds feel loved. In the end, the score is still in Reynolds’s favor instead of being even. Even in Alma’s daydreams of their happily ever after, the closing monologue of the film, there is no mention of Reynolds changing to accommodate her, only of Alma changing to accommodate him: “I am older and I see things differently, and I finally understand you.”

Perhaps here the story structure and the balance of power between the characters are in conflict; it makes sense to end the film on the strong scene that changes the relationship in a major way — but that means the viewer doesn’t get to know if that change leads to improvement. We never learn if Reynolds eventually becomes a better partner; we only know that Alma is committed to him either way.

No matter how satisfying the couple’s new arrangement is to watch, I don’t see how it would help with the actual problems in their relationship. They are at different stages of life, and that exacerbates the natural differences between their temperaments. Reynolds doesn’t respect Alma as an equal; he insults her and allows others to insult her to his face. He has immense power and privilege over her socially and materially. He has a career that he loves and a devoted sister, but she has no life outside of him — no friends, family, interests, hobbies, income, etc. — and it’s hard to tell if it’s sexist writing, intended characterization, or both.

How is any of that going to be helped by them growing closer emotionally? You two found a love language you have in common and unlocked a new level of intimacy and mutual understanding, congratulations! Is it going to broaden Alma’s horizons and opportunities? Is it going to give Reynolds more progressive views and social awareness, enough to at least defend the honor of his lower class wife? Is he going to stop being emotionally abusive because he is emotionally fulfilled?

This would imply that Reynolds behaves the way he does simply because he is too high-strung and he just needs to take a chill pill. That the problems in their relationship can be reduced to him being a control freak, and once he gets accustomed to giving up control and learns to enjoy it, and then he’ll be a good partner. Sorry, but it’s hard for me to believe that one can tame, let alone fix someone by domming them.

The film seems to attempt a subversion of the patriarchal, hierarchical “artist/muse” “upper class/working class” “man/woman” power dynamics. But the characters do not dismantle that existing power imbalance: instead, they build something new and mutually satisfying on top of it. The film intentionally avoids the feminist wish fulfillment route: Alma doesn’t liberate herself, and she doesn’t even want to. It’s a fairy tale where the Beast doesn’t really become a better person, so the Beauty becomes a worse one to “match” him… but she’s still locked inside his castle. Alma doesn’t abandon the role of a muse, only adds another traditionally feminine role to it: mother. As Feminist Frequency’s review puts it, “Traditional, restrictive gender roles are not escaped; one set is just briefly swapped out for another.” Related: it might be just a consequence of Reynolds’s chosen trade, but the people Alma walks over in her bids for his attention are always women (Barbara Rose, the seamstresses).

Speaking of motherhood… What happens when the woman who likes to treat her husband like a baby gets a real baby? How does she split her time between them? Does she end up neglecting one of them, does that make Reynolds jealous or more abusive? Or will he by that time have gone through enough personal growth to be actually fit for fatherhood? An interview with an expert on Alma’s specific brand of abuse asks an even more worrying question: “I also wondered about the baby at the end, because those who engage in the behavior are likely to do it [again] when similar situations arise. So as the baby gains skills of emancipation, would Alma be equally threatened by that? I saw the baby and thought: Oh no, it may be at risk.”

Perhaps I am being overly cynical and uncharitable here because of who made the film. When an artist with a history of being cruel to his girlfriend writes a story about an artist being cruel to his girlfriend, and makes the fictional girlfriend abusive too, how can I not question it? This film was already very awkward to approach and enjoy as a fan of Fiona Apple, even regardless of its content.

The relationship development

Another thing that didn’t work very well for me in the final sequence is something that also applies to the other parts of the film: the internal logic of the couple’s relationship development. Reynolds goes from “This was a mistake, I can’t live like this, I want a divorce” to “Intoxicate me now 😏 With your lovin’ now 😍 I think I’m ready now 😳” in the space of one cut. These scenes are directly adjacent with no development between them. It makes sense from Alma’s perspective (“what an asshole he’s being, he needs to be poisoned ASAP”), but not from Reynolds’s.

On Alma’s side, though, there’s also a bit of weirdness: Alma to Reynolds: Don’t worry babe you’re not gonna die, I’ll take care of you <3 Alma to the doctor: If he died that’d be fine by me, we’d just meet in the afterlife ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I really can’t tell how I am supposed to take this, and which of the men she was lying to!

But let’s go back to the beginning of the film. Throughout the initial phase of the relationship, I was sure that Reynolds chose playful bullying as his flirting tactic consciously, but later in the film he showed so little self-awareness that I started to suspect he thought that was a normal way to show interest in a girl you just met. Either way, I was surprised that the way he condescended to her changed considerably when the seduction was over, though in retrospect it makes sense. On Alma’s side, there was a similar shift: she was far more welcoming of his insulting methods of flirting than I would expect from a self-respecting adult with a strong personality, and started rebelling when they settled into domesticity. Perhaps the domineering attitude of a handsome stranger showering her with attention was exciting at first, but when their relationship became routine, she quickly grew sick of being treated like a second class citizen in what has become her own home. (I wasn’t joking with the quote at the top of the review: it was my genuine and immediate impression that Alma goes along with the 342561 red flags exhibited during the very first day not because she’s a doormat but because she’s a freak.)

The love at first sight didn’t work for me, as well as the couple’s determination to stay together despite their incompatibility. I’m just not convinced that they actually love each other as entire human beings. They do love certain sides of each other. Reynolds loves the muse with the perfect measurements; the assistant totally devoted to him; the new woman (future) finally displacing his older sister (present) and mother (past) while, unlike them, also being his sexual partner. Alma loves the genius who makes her feel beautiful and important. They both love the persona the other assumes in a caretaking scenario. But is there a deeper connection? Do they actually love each other unconditionally, not just the aspects of each other that fulfill their needs? I’ve seen quotes in confirmation of that from PTA and Vicky Krieps — but the text itself provides no satisfactory evidence of that.

Obligatory comparisons with other films

I like to chain movies together because of themes or character dynamics they share. A couple of reviews for Crimes of the Future mentioned this film, and I decided to watch it next assuming that the similarities start and end with the relationship between an aging artist and a strong-willed younger woman. Turns out, these two films also make an interesting double feature because in some ways they’re an inverse of each other. Crimes of the Future and its main couple wear abnormality on their sleeve, but the central relationship is healthy and stable; Phantom Tread appears classy and family-friendly, hiding the more shocking aspects of the relationship beneath the luxurious surface. Both films are very sensual without the conventional sex scenes, but the approach is diametrically opposite: Crimes of the Future circumvents the content rating system, managing to put explicit scenes on screen just because they don’t contain specific banned body parts; Phantom Thread purposefully and conspicuously avoids showing any sex or nudity to preserve the aesthetic and make other scenes feel more charged. The protagonist’s old age is important in both: for Saul, it’s deteriorating health and conservatism towards newer ideologies and ways of interacting with and modifying one’s body; for Reynolds, it is the decades of habit and privilege making him internalize the belief that his own authority, taste, routines are something absolute and unquestionable.

A bigger surprise was the two films also shared the theme of food and eating. Crimes of the Future: eating as a fundamental bodily function, food as means of sustenance, and the politics of food; Phantom Thread: eating as pleasure, food as means of human connection, and the power dynamics of feeding and being fed. Both films go deeper than the surface: food is not just something that is served and tasted, but chewed, swallowed, and digested, which is not necessarily a smooth and uncomplicated process. Phantom Thread’s exploration of the food theme is probably the best one I’ve seen so far not just in film but in any media, and the only one I can think of where “food as love and sex” made sense for me.

Choosing The Favourite as the next film to watch after this one was a good choice too: they also had some things in common. There’s a young woman winning an older and more powerful person’s affection by taking care of them while they’re sick, there are toxic relationship, there’s even literal poison... The older parties are similarly spoiled and eccentric but very different in certain important ways, and the protagonists are even more alike.

People have mentioned this film’s similarities to Rebecca, which I haven’t read or watched; my own first thought was about Misery, which I also haven’t read or watched. Out of the films I’ve seen before, there’s Crimson Peak — someone made an entire Venn diagram for their similarities. I’ve also seen comparisons with a number of other films, mostly ones I haven’t seen. Is Phantom Thread more intertextual than the usual or is that just me?

[murfeelts3]

Murfeelee Account Deletion

ACK! I got hit!

Hi, Simblr community. Murf here, from murfeelee.tumblr,com

As I effing expected, Tumblr terminated my account today too, over the exact same nonsense that recently hit @katsujiiccfinds here and @desiree-uk here.

I contacted @staff at Tumblr Support about it today, and even tried to make a backup account to tell y’all about it earlier today, but Tumblr banned that account too, so now I’m trying to get BOTH accounts back, FML.

This frikkin SUCKS, Tumblr--WHY are y’all making it so dang hard to make people want to even BOTHER with this site anymore? PLEASE do something about these nasty instant-terminations--at least the Flagging system warns us in advance, and just hides posts that aren’t allowed anymore, so do the same thing for posts with hyperlinks to outside websites you don’t want us linking to and clicking!!! 

How is it acceptable that are you are insta-banning simmers for reblogging content y’all LET US reblog in the first place? It’s THE SIMS, Tumblr--we’re not reblogging anything graphic or hateful or anything; we’re just trying to play with virtual Barbie dolls. (What on earth did that site (starting with a D) which shall not be named even do? O_O It was YEARS OLD reblogs of LACE DOILIES, DECORATIVE AIR CONDITIONERS, and GLASS FURNITURE, for crissakes! HIDE THE CHILDREN!)

I actually tried to delete the compromised posts on my CC Finds sideblogs, but lo and behold, the stupid posts wouldn’t even delete, and kept popping back up!

(Fun fact: I couldn’t even get my account termination letters at the Contact Support page to go through -- I had to keep resubmitting them before the buttons would stop getting stuck in an endless loop--like REALLY? I can’t even do what you all tell us to do @staff. It’s not even watching what we reblog (the whole frikkin point of Tumblr, jfc) -- it's watching what we’ve ALREADY reblogged and are trying to get rid of, that can set Tumblr’s trigger-happy algorithm off.

So yeah, that’s my frikkin life right now, y’all. (－‸ლ)

Just in case they ban this account too, y'all can still see my archived CC posts at the Wayback Machine: (it might load super slow at first, at least for me it did?) Build/Buy Page: https://web.archive.org/web/20210125145904/https://murfeelee.tumblr.com/sims3cascc CAS CC Page: https://web.archive.org/web/20210125145904/https://murfeelee.tumblr.com/sims3cascc

And my SFS backups are all here & here.

Thank you to everyone who’s reaching out and letting people know, both here at Tumblr and at Mod The Sims!